#so i don't have any opinions about his attitude toward anything

[strwberri-milk]

Hello!!! Hope you’re having a good day/night!

May I be so bold as to request a Diluc, Wanderer, and Neuvillette with a crush who is scared of marriage as a result of parental trauma. 🙃✨

How do you think they’d react?

you mean me - also dilucs is really long bc tbh i think hes the only one who might have a stronger opinion than the others lol

Diluc has never had an active model of what a happy marriage is but he knows his parents did have a happy marriage. His father spoke of his mother's memory fondly, his grief never weighing down the affection he had for his son. Diluc knows what love looks like from the love his father gave him, and the way his father honoured his mother's memory.

He definitely has always wanted to marry you since he fell in love with you, occasionally allowing himself to imagine what your wedding would look like. He talks to you about these ideas of his once in a while so you're aware that marriage is most definitely a goal of his. You try not to shoot his dreams down right away, nodding around and offering your opinions as well.

However, he does figure out that something's off and he asks you what's on your mind. You hesitate to tell him about your reservations, worried that you'd ruin his ideal future with you and that he'd leave you. It takes a lot of him reassuring you that things will be okay and he's just trying to understand you better.

When you tell him that you're not sure about marriage right now because of your family he apologises for making you uncomfortable. He reassures you that marriage doesn't need to happen right away - even if the two of you just entered a sort of common law relationship where you allowed him to call you his spouse without it being legal on paper that would make him just as happy. He offers that as a compromise - it allows you guys to do things as though you're married but you aren't legally bound to each other which allows you to leave easier than if the two of you are married.

He tells you you don't need to make a decision right away but it's something that could work out for the two of you. He really hopes that it's something you're okay with, willing not to be legally married to you if it means the two of you are socially married for the most part. He would never want to hold you hostage but if the two of you are going to spend the rest of your lives together it'd be nice to introduce you as his spouse when you're comfortable with it, regardless of your legal status.

Wanderer doesn't really care. He understands that marriage is a big deal to humans but as someone who's not really human and spends most of his time alone he doesn't fully understand the need for some people to be married. To him, as long as the two of you are devoted to each other and stay committed that's all that matters.

He'll listen to your concerns, brought about when you randomly asked him how he feels about marriage. You weren't sure what he'd say in response, knowing that he's got a pretty flippant attitude toward a lot of human experiences if he doesn't understand them. He just told you it's not something he cares much for but if you want to get married then he'd revisit it closer to when you actually want to have a wedding.

Neuvillete was under the assumption that you would want to get married. It's seen as the min goal for human relationships after all and he wants to give you the world. He'll ask you about it one day if you don't mention it after a while, other people around him asking when the two of you are going to get married.

You skirt around the topic for a bit, not sure how to tell him that you don't want to be married. You don't want him to think that it's anything he's done, elaborating to him as he listens to you paitiently. He understands that if that's how you feel then that's okay - he wants to be with you and human marriage not being on your horizon isn't going to be a deal breaker to him.

He might ask if you want to partake in any mating rituals that dragons have instead. They're not going to weigh as much on him since he hasn't exactly been spending too much time with other dragons as of late. It's just something that he thinks could be nice to do, and another way for the two of you to show commitment to each other.

[foundheavenly]

Despite everything I love you

Disclaimer: English is not my mother tongue so please be nice

Words: 2000

Plot: Toji hated this arranged marriage.

Pairing: toji x reader

Theme: angst, argument, arranged marriage, megumi’s mother

"Gumi, baby, be careful in the snow"

Sitting on the porch of your mansion, you watched Megumi playing and running in the snow.

Toji observed attentively his son from a distance. He was only a few steps from you yet he felt so far. And it was like this since you got married to each other. An arranged marriage actually. It never was a love vow. He never wanted this marriage to happened and you were supposed to feel the same. Yet, over the time passed with each other, you fell in love with him, despite his cold behavior towards you.

"Toji, why don't you join him? Megumi would love to have his father play with him" You suggested, still smiling warmly through the permanent pain.

"I have matter to attend to. He's better off without me anyway" He said without even looking at you and kept his gaze on Megumi. You saw how he kept watching over his son and for some reason his cold gaze actually had a glimmer of affection.

You sighed.

You didn't know how many times you have asked him to play with Megumi, and he would alwas make up excuses like 'I don't feel like it' or 'he wouldn't want me to be there' yet his son would always complaining about the fact that his father never play with him.

You weren't disappointed anymore, it was just frustrating. You could understand his cold attitude towards you, but not with his own son. Megumi never asked for anything, he never asked for his parents to get married by force. He was only five and he needed his father.

"At least be nice to the kid" You said in a voice filled with annoyance and desperation.

Toji brushed your opinion regarding parenting off. He didn't even look at you and simply ignored you as he was observing his son from a distance. After some time he turned around and entered again the mansion without saying a word.

"Mama" You heard your son calling you and you looked back at him. He was pouting, upset that his father didn't stay around and play with him. "Why daddy doesn't like me?"

You felt a pang of sadness and your heart sank at his words. You sighed, picking him up, and brushed a lock of hair away from his forehead as the snow flakes fell on his tiny head. "Daddy loves you, Gumi. You did nothing wrong, okay? Daddy's always been like that"

Megumi looked up at you with innocent and sad eyes. He didn't hate his father but he didn't understand why he didn't get as much affection as others got from their fathers. He was only five years old and seeing him like this break something inside you.

"I wish things were different, my sweet boy. I wish your daddy would show us more love" You whispered to him as you held him close to you and kissed his head. Megumi wrapped his arms around your neck and leaned against your shoulder. "Come on let's get inside, it's freezing outside"

_

Some hours later, you decided to let Megumi watching his cartoons and you went to the kitchen. You needed coffee. At that moment, footsteps echoed in the hallway and Toji entered the kitchen. You knew Toji was going to make himself the same dark coffee he does every day. His face was as cold and stern as always. He placed his hands inside his pockets and looked straight in front of him, not paying any attention to your presence.

"Toji" You said his name as you looked up at his back.

He finally looked back at you "What is it?" His voice remained emotionless and you sighed for the hundred time in the day. The only sign of any emotion from him was the way his brows were knitted and the slight annoyance that showed on his face.

“…” You took a deep breath and gulped. It was always so hard for you to ask anything from him. Yet it was the bare minimum. “Megumi needs you”

The slight annoyance from his previous reply turned into a look of surprise as he raised his eyebrow upon listening to your words. It was clearly not what he expected you to say to him. He thought you were going to start another argument and scolded him about how he was behaving with you.

"He has you" Toji simply replied, sipping his dark coffee.

“Why can’t you just understand that it’s not enough? I may be there for him but Megumi still needs you as his father.” You said and you sighed, rubbing your face as you were clearly annoyed and exhausted by this situation. It was tiring. You were tired of this and it wasn’t healthy for any of you in this house. “I get it, you hate me. But don’t push your son away. Please, that’s the only thing I’m asking you”

His expression remained unchanged despite your words, he didn't even bother to defend himself with some excuse or a sarcastic reply; he simply shook his head as he took his cup of coffee and left the kitchen.

Is he serious right now?

“Toji.”, you called his name almost in a whisper. “Toji!” You followed him as you raised your voice and Megumi looked curiously at the both of you when he heard you.

Toji stopped in the living room and turned around the moment you shouted his name and he looked at you in disbelief. “What do you want?" He looked at you annoyed despite the fact that you're actually begging for him to have some compassion towards a literal child. His own child.

“You’re seriously asking me this?” You looked at him in disbelief and clearly annoyed. He can’t be serious. Right?

"Yes I'm asking you what you want?" His tone remained annoyed.

“I just want you to act like a father to your son. Why are you even doing this to him?” You kept raising your voice. “He’s five years old for gods sake!”

Your words did managed to shock him which was obvious from his expression. His face twitched and he seemed surprised at how bold you managed to be right now. He’s known you for years and all you would do was keep silent anytime he was rude or cold to you. It was unexpected.

"You’ve never spoken like this to me before..." He was also annoyed because you were making him feel guilty about it, and he didn’t want to admit it.

“I’m tired Toji! I’m so freaking tired of this unhealthy situation!” You raised your voice and felt the urge to cry coming back but you hold your tears back. You couldn’t cry in front of him or Megumi.

Toji was a bit shocked again by how emotional you were getting, it was obvious that you've reached your breaking point. He knew he was in the wrong at this moment and there wasn't anyway to deny it.

When he looked at your teary eyes, Toji felt his annoyance fade a little bit, he had no intentions of making you cry but now that you were literally on the edge of crying, he felt guilt start to seep into him.

"Fine" He muttered while looking away from you, his tone also changed to a slightly softer one.

“Fine? That’s all you have to say?” You frowned and glared at him. You couldn’t believe it.

"what do want me to say?" Toji sounded just as annoyed but his tone became more aggressive this time. "Am I supposed to fall on my knees and beg you for forgiveness?" His eyes narrowed at you as he waited for you to reply.

‘Yes’ that’s what you wanted to say. Because yes, he should’ve beg for you. He should’ve beg for you to stay with him. He should’ve beg for another chance. Yet he didn’t and you were exhausted. So exhausted.

You took a deep breath and looked away. Tears fell from your eyes and you shook your head as you felt pain in your whole body. “I can’t keep doing this”

He frowned. The second you said those words it hurt him. Deeply. More than he would have thought. Because Toji knew that this meant you were reaching your breaking point but also that the situation is becoming increasingly more serious than before, but instead of showing sympathy towards you, he instead felt anger build up within him.

"Keep doing what? What the hell are you talking about?”

“This!” You pointed at both of you as your voice breaks. “I can’t keep doing this wedding!”

His heart literally dropped to his stomach. He felt sick. All the anger and annoyance melted away when you said those few words. “wait...wait, don't..." Toji was stunned. “Are you telling you want a divorce?”

You wiped the tears away and sighed. “Would it be different from what we have right now?” You suddenly said bitterly.

Your comment was so hurtful that Toji looked away to avoid making eye contact with you. It was like knives stabbing into his heart. You were absolutely right. This wasn’t healthy nor an actual marriage where you two loved each other. It was just about putting up with each other and pretending everything was okay. Yet suddenly all he could hear was his own heartbeat and the silence that followed after your question. He never thought it would get to this point, he actually made you hate him that much.

And hearing you both arguing like this, Megumi suddenly started to cry loudly. His cries broke your heart. You really hoped he wouldn't have to get involved in all of this but you guessed Toji and you couldn’t have it all. You hugged him tightly while talking to him in a soft and gentle tone, "Daddy and mommy only having a conversation. It will be okay, bunny."

Toji kept silent and looked at you taking care of his little boy. His heart broke everytime he heard Megumi, he couldn't stand seeing him like this because of his careless behavior. He was his father and had to act like one.

“Hand him to me” Toji asked you as he came closer to you.

You were surprised by his random request but you still handed over Megumi to him. You watched carefully as he held his son tightly against his chest and Megumi immediately stopped crying as he buried his face in his father chest.

After some time, Megumi was calm again. You looked at them and your eyes widened as you saw Toji not only actually holding his son but also gently rocking him.

He did care after all.

“You’re okay, kiddo?” Toji asked his son, still rocking him carefully.

"Mhm" Megumi nodded and murmured against his father’s shoulder. At least something came out of this. In just a few minutes, Toji's whole attitude towards his child changed. It suddenly became much more tender and soft-spoken, almost as if he was a completely different person altogether. But the truth is that his son was his weakness ever since you got pregnant. Megumi was his blessing, the best in his life. And he couldn’t bear to see him in this state.

You suddenly found yourself drawn to his gaze and for some reason it made your heart fluttered. You couldn't help but feel embarrassed for the feeling that started to bubble up from inside of you...It always have been there.

“I’m sorry” Toji said in a strained voice, there were obviously many things he wanted to say but he chose to not say them and instead tried to talk calmly. “I’m going to prove myself to you both”

You almost fell down when you heard those words. It would be a complete lie if you said you didn't feel anything when he apologized. “You’re going to start acting like a father, is that what you mean?" You asked him with a shaky voice.

"I'm going to treat you both the way you deserve" He answered in a voice that was soft and reassuring as he looked at you directly in your eyes.

You let out a choked sob as you couldn't hold back the tears, seeing him finally acknowledge the pain he made you go through for years was like a weight that was finally lifted off your shoulders.

[ashwhowrites]

Enemies to lovers Eddie Munson x Cheerleader! Reader, maybe some months ago Reader was trying to tell Eddie that she liked him, but Eddie was talking with his friends about how he doesn't like cheerleaders and jocks and that made Reader angry at him bc she thought that he liked talking to her (she was his client) so after that Reader started to act cold towards him, and Eddie did the same with her. One day, they got paired together for a Literature project, and they went to Reader's house to work on that but they only spend the afternoon fighting, a day later they went to Eddie's and they were fighting, again, but then they just stayed in silence and started kissing each other and that's when Reader confesses her feelings for Eddie and tells him that's she heard what he said, and he's like I wasn't talking about you, I liked you too, I still like you, and then they have make up sex (if you're comfortable writing that!) and start their relationship

No smut :/ I'm sorry

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting <3

Y/N spent as much time thinking about Eddie as she did talking about Eddie. If she ever wanted to hide the fact she liked him, she couldn't. It was written on her face.

Which is why her friends are sick of her doing nothing to make a move. Chrissy was a girly girl herself, she knew Y/N wanted Eddie to make the move. She wanted Eddie to go after her so she felt wanted. But Chrissy also knew Eddie would never ask out a girl he believed to be out of his league.

After weeks and weeks of Y/N's friends pushing her to ask out Eddie, she was ready to do it.

She tried to shake off her nerves. Her fingertips gripped her textbooks tightly as she walked toward Eddie and his group of friends.

She was a few feet away, close enough to hear him but not close enough for anyone to recognize her.

"You asked my opinion and I gave it. I think asking out Rachel is a disgrace to our kind. She's a cheerleader and friends with all those jocks. Is she going to stand up for you when your ass is being kicked? Nah, I don't think so. Because she's a cheerleader and those are heartless shells."

Y/N felt herself freeze at Eddie's words. Any bit of confidence was washed away as his words traveled down the hall. She knew Eddie didn't like the popular crowd, but she thought he moved past it. She thought she was changing that perspective. Is that all he saw her as? A cheerleader?

Before she heard anything more hurtful, she raced right past.

~~~

"Oh yeah? What about Y/N?" Mike snapped back, ever since his breakup with El, he's had his eyes on someone new. And all he wanted was advice and instead, he pissed off Eddie.

"She's different." Eddie shrugged, in his mind there was no comparison between Y/N and any other girl.

"Because she's yours?" Mike argued.

"He wishes!" Dustin laughed.

"No! Because Y/N has shown to be sweet, kind, and accepting with everyone. She's more than just a cheerleader, but I can't say the rest about the team. Mike, you need to understand some girls are only cheerleaders when the outfit is on, find one like that." Eddie said, smacking down on Mike's shoulder.

~~~

Y/N felt too embarrassed to be near Eddie. She didn't know if this whole time he couldn't stand her. They never hung out outside of deals, maybe he only dealt with her because he had to.

She stopped buying from him and went cold turkey. She didn't bother talking to him in the halls, didn't look in his direction, and acted like he didn't exist.

Eddie noticed the cold shoulder immediately, and it hurt. He didn't understand the sudden change of attitude but he also didn't give it a second thought. Maybe she wasn't as good of a person as he thought.

~~~

Over the next few weeks, they didn't speak to each other. Until they got paired together for a school project. Y/N immediately wanted to beg for someone else but the teacher was strict and didn't handle the backtalk well.

It was awkward, and they both hated that feeling. Eddie sat on her floor, her feet dangling off the bed. She read out loud the book, but his mind was elsewhere. Her room was what he thought it would be, and he adored all the framed photos she had. Her room looked just as sweet as he always thought she was.

"If you aren't going to pay attention, I'll just do it myself." She snapped, and the heavy book slammed shut.

Eddie jumped at the noise but recovered quickly. "Sorry, I was just observing your room." He admitted.

"Well don't. Not like you'll ever be in it again anyway." She snapped again. It hurt her a little to say, a small reminder that they weren't friends and they wouldn't hang out like she wished.

"Yeah, got it." He said back, same snappy tone.

"Look you don't get to have an attitude with me!" She argued she didn't do anything wrong.

"Oh, why? Because we don't get to speak unless it's on your terms? And I'm just supposed to be cool with that? You completely flipped the script on me so yeah, I'm a little pissed!" He argued back. If anyone was allowed to be annoyed, it was him. He was ignored without an explanation.

"Flipped the script? No, what happened was you talked shit behind my back and I finally figured out how you thought of me." She said, her anger leaving as a small amount of sadness settled in her chest.

"Who told you that crap?" Eddie said he felt the want to roll his eyes.

"YOU!" She yelled, she stood up and towered over him. "I heard everything you said to Mike. You went on and on about how cheerleaders are heartless. I can't imagine the other things you said before or after."

Eddie tried to remember what she was talking about, the realization hitting him. He stood up fast, a fast apology on his lips.

"No no no! I did say that yes, but not about you! I would never say those things about you." He tried to grab her hand but she smacked it away.

"Ow" he muttered

"How did you not say that about me? I'm a cheerleader!"

"I know!" He panicked, "but I said so many things after that. You must have walked away or didn't hear me because I explained you were nothing like that."

Y/N felt a part of herself believing him. He sounded so panicked, which meant he was caught or he was trying to prove his innocence and needed her to trust him.

"What did you say?" She asked

"I explained to Mike that the girl he's interested in doesn't care about him. And I knew that because of what you showed me. I see how sweet and caring you are. You're nice to everyone and you don't use your popularity to have power over anyone. You aren't just a cheerleader, you are so much more than that. That's why you are different and that's why I'd never say mean things about you." His words and eyes were pleading for her to believe him. "I'm so sorry you got hurt."

"Well I shouldn't listen to people's conversations," she shrugged, " I appreciate your apology and I accept it. I'm sorry for not talking to you about it. I was hurt because I like you. And I was planning to ask you out when I heard everything." She admitted she turned her head to the floor, her cheeks flamed with embarrassment.

"Holy shit!" He exclaimed, "You like me? And like me enough to want to ask me out?" Eddie couldn't believe his ears. He wanted the same thing, obliviously, but he never thought he had the chance.

She gave him a look and he moved on. It was clear she liked him and she gave him an opening.

He moved his feet forward until there wasn't space between them. His eyes searched into hers for a sign, when her eyes flipped down to his lips he got his answer.

He licked his lips nervously, his hand reaching to cup her chin as he leaned in. His heart raced when she leaned in, both closing their eyes in sync.

Her stomach fluttered when she felt his lips. He smiled when he felt her kiss back, her hands slid around to his back. Her palms were flat against his shirt.

They kissed for as long as they could. Whenever one of them went to pull away, they'd drag them right back in.

Eddie couldn't wait to shove this in Mike's face.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37

[sneezypeasy]

Why I Deliberately Avoided the "Colonizer" Argument in my Zutara Thesis - and Why I'll Continue to Avoid it Forever

This is a question that occasionally comes up under my Zutara video essay, because somehow in 2 hours worth of content I still didn't manage to address everything (lol.) But this argument specifically is one I made a point of avoiding entirely, and there are some slightly complicated reasons behind that. I figure I'll write them all out here.

From a surface-level perspective, Zuko's whole arc, his raison d'etre, is to be a de-colonizer. Zuko's redemption arc is kinda all about being a de-colonizer, and his redemption arc is probably like the most talked about plot point of ATLA, so from a basic media literacy standpoint, the whole argument is unsound in the first place, and on that basis alone I find it childish to even entertain as an argument worth engaging with, to be honest.

(At least one person in my comments pointed out that if any ship's "political implications" are problematic in some way, it really ought to be Maiko, as Mai herself is never shown or suggested to be a strong candidate for being a de-colonizing co-ruler alongside Zuko. If anything her attitudes towards lording over servants/underlings would make her… a less than suitable choice for this role, but I digress.)

But the reason I avoided rebutting this particular argument in my video goes deeper than that. From what I've observed of fandom discourse, I find that the colonizer argument is usually an attempt to smear the ship as "problematic" - i.e., this ship is an immoral dynamic, which would make it problematic to depict as canon (and by extension, if you ship it regardless, you're probably problematic yourself.)

And here is where I end up taking a stand that differentiates me from the more authoritarian sectors of fandom.

I'm not here to be the fandom morality police. When it comes to lit crit, I'm really just here to talk about good vs. bad writing. (And when I say "good", I mean structurally sound, thematically cohesive, etc; works that are well-written - I don't mean works that are morally virtuous. More on this in a minute.) So the whole colonizer angle isn't something I'm interested in discussing, for the same reason that I actually avoided discussing Katara "mothering" Aang or the "problematic" aspects of the Kataang ship (such as how he kissed her twice without her consent). My whole entire sections on "Kataang bad" or "Maiko bad" in my 2 hour video was specifically, "how are they written in a way that did a disservice to the story", and "how making them false leads would have created valuable meaning". I deliberately avoided making an argument that consisted purely of, "here's how Kataang/Maiko toxic and Zutara wholesome, hence Zutara superiority, the end".

Why am I not willing to be the fandom morality police? Two reasons:

I don't really have a refined take on these subjects anyway. Unless a piece of literature or art happens to touch on a particular issue that resonates with me personally, the moral value of art is something that doesn't usually spark my interest, so I rarely have much to say on it to begin with. On the whole "colonizer ship" subject specifically, other people who have more passion and knowledge than me on the topic can (and have) put their arguments into words far better than I ever could. I'm more than happy to defer to their take(s), because honestly, they can do these subjects justice in a way I can't. Passing the mic over to someone else is the most responsible thing I can do here, lol. But more importantly:

I reject the conflation of literary merit with moral virtue. It is my opinion that a good story well-told is not always, and does not have to be, a story free from moral vices/questionable themes. In my opinion, there are good problematic stories and bad "pure" stories and literally everything in between. To go one step further, I believe that there are ways that a romance can come off "icky", and then there are ways that it might actually be bad for the story, and meming/shitposting aside, the fact that these two things don't always neatly align is not only a truth I recognise about art but also one of those truths that makes art incredibly interesting to me! So on the one hand, I don't think it is either fair or accurate to conflate literary "goodness" with moral "goodness". On a more serious note, I not only find this type of conflation unfair/inaccurate, I also find it potentially dangerous - and this is why I am really critical of this mindset beyond just disagreeing with it factually. What I see is that people who espouse this rhetoric tend to encourage (or even personally engage in) wilful blindness one way or the other, because ultimately, viewing art through these lens ends up boxing all art into either "morally permissible" or "morally impermissible" categories, and shames anyone enjoying art in the "morally impermissible" box. Unfortunately, I see a lot of people responding to this by A) making excuses for art that they guiltily love despite its problematic elements and/or B) denying the value of any art that they are unable to defend as free from moral wickedness.

Now, I'm not saying that media shouldn't be critiqued on its moral virtue. I actually think morally critiquing art has its place, and assuming it's being done in good faith, it absolutely should be done, and probably even more often than it is now.

Because here's the truth: Sometimes, a story can be really good. Sometimes, you can have a genuinely amazing story with well developed characters and powerful themes that resonate deeply with anyone who reads it. Sometimes, a story can be all of these things - and still be problematic.*

(Or, sometimes a story can be all of those things, and still be written by a problematic author.)

That's why I say, when people conflate moral art with good art, they become blind to the possibility that the art they like being potentially immoral (or vice versa). If only "bad art" is immoral, how can the art that tells the story hitting all the right beats and with perfect rhythm and emotional depth, be ever problematic?

(And how can the art I love, be ever problematic?)

This is why I reject the idea that literary merit = moral virtue (or vice versa) - because I do care about holding art accountable. Even the art that is "good art". Actually, especially the art that is "good art". Especially the art that is well loved and respected and appreciated. The failure to distinguish literary critique from moral critique bothers me on a personal level because I think that conflating the two results in the detriment of both - the latter being the most concerning to me, actually.

So while I respect the inherent value of moral criticism, I'm really not a fan of any argument that presents moral criticism as equivalent to literary criticism, and I will call that out when I see it. And from what I've observed, a lot of the "but Zutara is a colonizer ship" tries to do exactly that, which is why I find it a dishonest and frankly harmful media analysis framework to begin with.

But even when it is done in good faith, moral criticism of art is also just something I personally am neither interested nor good at talking about, and I prefer to talk about the things that I am interested and good at talking about.

(And some people are genuinely good at tackling the moral side of things! I mean, I for one really enjoyed Lindsay Ellis's take on Rent contextualising it within the broader political landscape at the time to show how it's not the progressive queer story it might otherwise appear to be. Moral critique has value, and has its place, and there are definitely circumstances where it can lead to societal progress. Just because I'm not personally interested in addressing it doesn't mean nobody else can do it let alone that nobody else should do it, but also, just because it can and should be done, doesn't mean that it's the only "one true way" to approach lit crit by anyone ever. You know, sometimes... two things… can be true… at once?)

Anyway, if anyone reading this far has recognised that this is basically a variant of the proship vs. antiship debate, you're right, it is. And on that note, I'm just going to leave some links here. I've said about as much as I'm willing/able to say on this subject, but in case anyone is interested in delving deeper into the philosophy behind my convictions, including why I believe leftist authoritarian rhetoric is harmful, and why the whole "but it would be problematic in real life" is an anti-ship argument that doesn't always hold up to scrutiny, I highly recommend these posts/threads:

In general this blog is pretty solid; I agree with almost all of their takes - though they focus more specifically on fanfic/fanart than mainstream media, and I think quite a lot of their arguments are at least somewhat appropriate to extrapolate to mainstream media as well.

I also strongly recommend Bob Altemeyer's book "The Authoritarians" which the author, a verified giga chad, actually made free to download as a pdf, here. His work focuses primarily on right-wing authoritarians, but a lot of his research and conclusions are, you guessed it, applicable to left-wing authoritarians also.

And if you're an anti yourself, welp, you won't find support from me here. This is not an anti-ship safe space, sorrynotsorry 👆

In conclusion, honestly any "but Zutara is problematic" argument is one I'm likely to consider unsound to begin with, let alone the "Zutara is a colonizer ship" argument - but even if it wasn't, it's not something I'm interested in discussing, even if I recognise there are contexts where these discussions have value. I resent the idea that just because I have refined opinions on one aspect of a discussion means I must have (and be willing to preach) refined opinions on all aspects of said discussion. (I don't mean to sound reproachful here - actually the vast majority of the comments I get on my video/tumblr are really sweet and respectful, but I do get a handful of silly comments here and there and I'm at the point where I do feel like this is something worth saying.) Anyway, I'm quite happy to defer to other analysts who have the passion and knowledge to give complicated topics the justice they deserve. All I request is that care is taken not to conflate literary criticism with moral criticism to the detriment of both - and I think it's important to acknowledge when that is indeed happening. And respectfully, don't expect me to give my own take on the matter when other people are already willing and able to put their thoughts into words so much better than me. Peace ✌

*P.S. This works for real life too, by the way. There are people out there who are genuinely not only charming and likeable, but also generous, charitable and warm to the vast majority of the people they know. They may also be amazing at their work, and if they have a job that involves saving lives like firefighting or surgery or w.e, they may even be the reason dozens of people are still alive today. They may honestly do a lot of things you'd have to concede are "good" deeds.

They may be all of these things, and still be someone's abuser. 🙃

Two things can be true at once. It's important never to forget that.

[cynthiav06]

Do you know something that I find really curious?

Is that in Ancient Greek, Greek Mythology, and Hellenic Polytheism, even tho we don't actually have the idea of "sin" there are a few things they and therefore, hellenic polytheistics shouldn't do, but interestingly enough the only thing that is likely, highly not encouraged to do, and mostly unforgiving in Hellenism, is Húbris.

I find it really interesting and curious, because I bet Rick knew about it when he wrote PJO and still decided to give Annabeth, one of his main characters, a fatal flaw that was the closest thing of what could be considered a "sin" in Ancient Greece (the society he was basing his story on).

I'm not saying "whoa, he wanted to make something." My personal opinion is that he just doesn't care, just like he doesn't care to make a better adaptation of the Gods, but I still find it interesting enough to rant about it.

+ it is really concerning see people treating her fatal flaw as something positive and to be cheered on, even in the literal book narrative, when in fact, It is not.

Excessive pride can be a sign of a narcissist behavior, what can lead to dangerous situations or to toxic relationships. And I see Rick playing too much with this edge in Perccabeth dynamics.

(I'm not saying she is narcissist, tho. I believe I have to make this as clear as possible here. There is a difference of having a trace of narcissism, and be diagnosticaded with it.)

Just to finish my thoughts, when I realized Perccabeth lost all the sparkle for me was when I've read one meta about someone who didn't like Annabeth's behavior towards Percy a long time ago. At that time I was an avid Perccabeth shipper, but I basically sat and tought about it, and made a mental exercise: If Percy was a woman, and Annabeth was a man, would their interactions still be considered cute and perfect in a relationship?

That was when I realized, no, it wouldn't be. And that was it for me.

No, I completely get it. I myself was a Percabeth shipper, I think everyone was at one point as most of us read these books at a young age. I am glad that all of us are seeing massive problems with the many canon relationships and other aspects of Riordan's terrible writing.

You give Rick Riordan too much credit. If you have checked out any recent pjo books, you can see how terrible the continuity is and how one dimensional the characters are becoming. So he certainly did not take into account the gravity of Annabeth's fatal flaw, it's repercussions or even it’s connotations in Greek myths.

Annabeth is, as I have said before, a character that always devolves through the lack of change in her attitude and the behavioral inconsistencies. She admits to her fatal flaw and how it endangers her in some instances but then never brings it up again. Doesn't do anything to actively improve on it either.

Her overall attitude remains condescending, judgemental, and heavily hypocritical. And that is putting it mildly.

The fact that she made Percy apologize for getting kidnapped against his will and then having his memory wiped out.

She repeatedly made negative or demeaning comments on his intelligence.

This should be enough of a giveaway in the first place.

Not to mention her horrifying treatment of Rachel and lack of remorse for it. Not a single apology made for it either. Or to Percy for acting as if she owned him.

Furthermore, her consistently violent actions. Now, even if they don't hurt Percy, it's still an extremely unhealthy manner of expressing her emotions.

Her repeated defense of Luke despite him putting Percy in mortal danger and attempting to kill Percy each time. Before anyone quotes they had a bond, they were family, I know, I do but by that time she had seen him do so multiple times and Thalia was family too, she understood right away that Luke was too far gone.

I also dislike the tendency of Rick and, therefore, the fandom to put Annabeth on a pedestal of she can do wrong. I have made multiple posts highlighting how Percy is canonically a better strategist than Annabeth and how Annabeth is certainly not the smartest demigod. Most knowledgeable, perhaps, but not the smartest.

To all the shippers, everyone agrees that the closest we get to absolutely perfect characterization of Percy is in Son of Neptune and Son of Sobek and the short story The Stolen Chariot. And the most obvious common thing between all these is the lack of Annabeth.

I am not saying Annabeth would ruin the book, but she does ruin Percy's character. Rick is so busy hyping her up for no absolute reason that it ends up demeaning Percy irrationally and illogically. And it happens every time.

Even if you blame later book characterizations of Annabeth on Rick Riordan's terrible writing, her early characterization had the same flaws. They are just now overtly apparent in the most recent books.

If the genders were reversed, this would be the paragon of a toxic relationship. I understand that there are excruciatingly few balanced heterosexual relationships that actually do it right and that the extreme nostalgia makes it hard for us to acknowledge any flaws on it but that's no reason to falsely advertise it as the perfect relationship. Not even close.

Not just due to these reasons but also because they have nothing in common nor do their goals align, and it's also a bit of a case of trauma bonding. Again, I have made individual posts on almost all these points

I don't think there's anything more that needs to be said on this matter, really, but feel free to ask.

[jeonscatalyst]

https://www.tumblr.com/pjslight/765192589573079040/relationship-status?source=share

Just curious... I want to know your thoughts on this.

Hi anon,

I must say I actually really love reading from Jikookers who have very different opinions on what Jikook’s relationship might actually be like and I don’t know about others but I enjoyed reading OP’s thoughts on the whole thing as this was an angle I had never seen any Jikooker discuss before.

I have always said that, anything is possible because we unfortunately don’t know every side of their story and I have also always said that, there is a good possibility that Jikook didn’t have a conventional relationship, not because they didn’t want to but because their circumstances made it impossible for them to.

This is just my opinion obviously but I don’t quite agree with OP on the point that they might have never realized that they loved each other. 13 years is a very long time for people who have lived that closely and have been that close to each other, spending a lot of down and private time with each other to not realize how they felt for each other.

I think this is an argument we can make about fetus Jikook because I honestly believe that they (especially Jimin) didn’t understand he felt for Jungkook. This might be an unpopular opinion but Jungkook might have figured out first that he liked Jimin in a way he shouldn’t which would explain his hot and cold attitude towards him. You know ignoring him when Jimin payed attention to him and then sought him out when Jimin wasn’t paying attention. Shoving him in walls in front of the camera but going to cuddle him in his sleep and wanting to spend nights with him. Fetus Jk was the epitome of a hormonal teen with a crush on someone they didn’t want to accept that they liked.

Jimin on the other hand let himself feel what he felt for Jungkook but he just didn’t understand why he liked Jungkook the way he did. We heard teenage Jimin ask himself multiple times why he liked Jungkook so much and even mentioned how it drove him crazy how much he liked Jungkook. We had fetus Jimin openly saying that he thought Jungkook was really cute but he knew that if he said that, people would think he was weird. He was clearly questioning himself about his feelings for Jungkook possibly because these feelings for another guy like himself were not feelings he had had before but I think after sometime, he figure it out and knew that he had a crush on Jungkook or was in love with him. I think that even though Jungkook probably figured out that he was attracted to Jimin in a different way before Jimin did, I think Jungkook had a harder time letting Jimin see or know that he liked him.

Jimin in my opinion is someone who gives his all to the people he is in love with. He jumps into it with his entire body and completely lets that person know all his cards while Jungkook is one who feels these things but is more weary of letting the person know all his cards unless push comes to shove (hello rainy day story) Jungkook is a softy who desperately wants to act like a tsundere. He always wants to seem or come off cool so he plays the tough uninterested guy (I mean how do you explain him shoving Jimin away or ignoring Jimin every time Jimin was affectionate but at the same time went to cuddle him in his sleep or kept trying to touch him when Jimin wasn’t paying attention?) while Jimin is/was that person who loves like a fool. Jungkook wants to seem cool and like he is a “je m’en fous” kind of person but he is really a softy. Jk is the kind of person who would verbally deny how he feels just because he doesn’t want to lose points lol while Jimin is that person who doesn’t care if he loses points as he just wants to be able to freely talk about and express his feelings. It is kinda hard to explain but even though I find that Jk tends to act tough, I think he actually even loves harder than Jimin does but just hates to admit that he does while Jimin has no problem admitting that he is a goner.

I also don’t think Jimin and Jungkook haven’t acted on their feelings. Let’s be serious here for a moment we are not 12. Who honestly believes that Jimin and Jungkook spent all those long nights together so often just looking at each other’s faces? Over the years Jimin and Jungkook clearly liked going to spend their nights and downtime with each other alone and while this is partly because they had the same sleeping habits, there were definitely other reasons. We are talking about them constantly choosing to be together ALONE at nights and during other downtimes even though they usually spent almost all day together with the rest of the members. I know we have discussed this at length but who honestly believes that in LA, Jk kept going to spend hours in Jimin’s hotel room because he was too lazy to take 5 extra steps to any other member’s room? We are talking about boys who met and probably fell for each other while they were hormonal teenagers who barely had a chance to date because of their hectic schedules and because they weren’t even really allowed to because of the career path they choose. These two hormonal teens obviously feel attracted to each other and surprise, surprise love to spend a lot of time together alone, mostly at nights…..come on, do we really think their will power was tough enough to resist how attracted to each other they were? I am betting good money on the point that they definitely acted on those feelings.

Now where I do somewhat agree with OP is on the point that their circumstances may have made things difficult for them to have a conventional relationship. Sometimes we don’t get just how difficult things must have been from their pov. Now, this isn’t to say that there aren’t people who have made things work under the most difficult circumstances but I think that them being famous and all, made things a little more difficult for them. I also agree that there may have been points when things felt a little too serious for them and they panicked and took steps back from each other. I don’t necessarily think that they hooked up with other people though because not everybody turns to hooking up with other people just because they can’t be with the ones they love but it isn’t an impossibility.

I think Jimin and Jungkook’s relationship is a lot more complicated that any of us could even begin to understand and I think that within all the years of them being together, they have had a ton of ups and downs.

I think Jimin and Jungkook are together but I don’t know how together they are. I think Jimin and Jungkook love each other and are possibly in love with each other and have always been but I don’t know how seriously they choose to treat what they felt/ feel for each other. I think they both know what they feel for each other and regardless of how they agreed to deal with those feelings, I think they were moments where they wanted to just have a normal relationship and probably just date and let everyone know. I think there were moments where they got frustrated about not being able to love each other freely or be together like they wanted to be which led to them expressing those feelings in unconventional ways. Say whatever you want but JK’s GCFs to me was a way he found to express how he felt for Jimin. I think his GCFs were an outlet to release those feelings he felt like he had to hide from the world and he found a clever way to do it. I think that during Rosebowl, when Jimin and Jungkook kept shouting “I love you” and “Love You” back to back, I think those were not to the fans but to each other. The moment they stopped saying “I love you guys” and switched to “ I love you” while saying it right after each other, that was them shouting to the world that they loved each other but of course doing it in a clever way that didn’t make things obvious. I think those two have craved having a normal relationship where they could openly be together and tell the world about how they felt for each other but couldn’t and this made them sad and also put strains in whatever relationship they have with each other.

Things were never bound to completely make sense for the simple fact that we don’t have all the information. We are not always able to explain their happiness, sadness, coldness, aloofness, anger because we don’t know what happens in their lives everyday. I believe I have said this before but even though I had always been positive that Jungkook loved Jimin a lot, no other period showed me just how much he loved Jimin like the solo era did. I remember watching Jungkook’s actions in the solo era with my jaw touching the floor because he couldn’t be more obvious and watching the Jimin centric Live he did on March 27th 2023 always breaks my heart in so many ways,I mean who watched those lives and doesn’t see how much Jungkook loves Jimin? Who watched those lives and didn’t wonder why Jimin eats hot food on Suchwita and we have Jungkook repeating twice with obvious concern on his face that the food must be hot and going ahead to move his mouth like he is trying to cool down the burning sensation for Jimin? Who watched Jk and didn’t notice how obviously attracted he is to Jimin by how he went so still and almost stopped breathing while he watched SMF pt 2 Jimin? Who watched Jk in the solo era and didn’t question why someone would wake up at 4am to watch his band mate while kicking, smiling and blushing? Nah, Jimin and Jungkook know how they feel about each other, have probably acted on those feelings or done something about it but I just don’t know what they decided to term what it is they have with each other and how seriously they have chosen to treat those feelings.

Life and relationships are extremely complicated so anything at all is possible. Even though most of us wish for or hope that Jikook have this fairytale type of romance, it probably isn’t always like that because unfortunately life knows how to throw the biggest curve balls and that’s why it is important to keep an open mind about how things might really be with these two. I feel like it is obvious to me that they love and are attracted to each other. I also think it is abit unrealistic to think they haven’t acted on their feelings but what we don’t know for sure is how seriously they choose to treat those very obvious feelings they’ve always had for each other, so I do agree with OP to some extent and disagree with some of their points but I think their post was really good and it felt refreshing to get a different pov.

[partycatty]

johnny cage > bust your kneecaps

kenshi's sibling isn't exactly known for being the kindest, especially when things don't go their way.

warnings: violence, you're kinda yandere type... or maybe tsundere i don't know i give up. johnny's an ass and i wanna beat him up.

notes: are you seriously telling me NOBODY has written a fic for this man using "bust your kneecaps" by pomplamoose?! LIKE.

[ masterlist ]

johnny, don't leave me, you said you'd love me forever - honey, believe me, i'll have your heart on a platter

• you stepped your way into the stupidly lavish mansion, the address imprinted into your brain and throwing knife at your hip. the belt accentuated the way your hips swayed, capturing the attention of the mansion's owner.

• "where's my wife?" he asks, defensive as he puts the glass of alcohol down.

• "your wife is fine," you turn toward your brother's voice as he speaks, a scowl painting both of your features.

• "you will be too, if you cooperate," your tone is unwelcoming, threatening. "you're johnny cage, aren't you?"

• "what's it to you?" johnny's anger grows by the second, frustrated and confused about the sudden yakuza-looking blade wielders in his home.

• your hand twitches as it rests on the handle of the blade. kenshi puts an arm out, pressing you back. his glare is a silent scolding and you groan, instead opting to cross your arms than threaten the actor at gunpoint.

• "come on," johnny instigates, a beckoning hand thrown out your way. "you're too pretty to be this rude to me."

• "i'm not here for you," you spit back, and kenshi points his sword out to the blade resting just above the fireplace. "we come for sento."

• we all know the drill. before you could fight for what rightfully belonged to your clan, johnny had you and your brother tied to a chair, groaning as consciousness returns to you only to explain your intentions through a groggy tone.

• it seemed like something from a lucid dream, two ninjas and a fire god as you're tied to a chair in a celebrity mansion. it was all a blur, explained quickly before you were whisked off to an academy to fight in a tournament you had only just learned about.

• it was all ridiculous but johnny had dragged sento along with him, keeping it in his room and away from the two of you - he never knew if you'd strike at night and run off into the sunset at any given moment.

• the training itself was quite useful as you learned new styles of fighting, weapon or otherwise. you felt yourself growing bulk and inspiration for combat and attempted to log as much information into your memory, studying after lessons or practicing moves when the campus was cleared of people with the moon high.

• it started innocently enough, johnny would at first spectate you and then eventually join in for (unwelcome) advice. you tried to brush him off, you really did, but he just kept coming back like the prettiest little parasite and that irritated you beyond belief.

• before you could protest or pick up his mood shift, he was being sweet on you - which is to say, pet names, compliments, anything you figured an actor would use to get in a girl's pants. he must do this to all women, you figure, but as time passes you find yourself leaning into his words and cracking a small smile that you cover with your hand.

• you had attempted to confide in kenshi, but in his typical attitude, he just teased you for having a crush on the actor. it was a claim you vehemently denied, no matter how many times his laugh rung in your ears or feather touches made your skin burn.

• it bothered you, truly. you hated him and his stupid sexy smile, his dumb idiot muscles as they flex and ripple during training — lord help you.

• when you started to give in, it was so painfully slow anyone could've missed it. johnny, shockingly, was a good judge of character and wore his opinions on his sleeve. he picked up on it, but wouldn't say anything; he would keeping poking and prodding the bear until you admitted your shameful attraction.

• you gave in after a particularly intimate training session. not having much experience compared to the star, he noticed your tense heat radiating from your back when he wrapped his arms around you, perfecting your stance as you trained against a dummy. unable to contain the trembles of your limbs, you spun around to face him, still caged in his grasp.

• "why do you do the things you do?" you ask, brows naturally furrowed in thought.

• johnny looks at you as if you were a fool. "because i like you."

• the answer left you dumbfounded, the answer was right in front of you but you dared not entertain the thought. your eyes darted between his, searching for any hint of bad intentions, but no. his eyes were sweet and soft, gentle and understanding. it ached you.

• the walls you built up crumbled to nothing the longer you two spent time together, johnny giving you almost little room to fully adjust to a romantic relationship. beside each other it was almost comical how much you resembled a black cat golden retriever duo, a comparison the other boys were sure to make often. even liu kang was surprised by this, commenting once that this "had not happened before." whatever he meant was lost to you.

• at first, it was sweet. he cared, he truly did. johnny would go more than an extra mile for you, understanding where to fully slam the brakes or how to gently encourage you to be intimate. the entire time you were absolutely floored, willing to explore the new world of love. it didn't take long for johnny to call it that, and you followed shortly after. he loved you, only you forever, as he'd say.

• the near-armageddon was heavy on the both of you, but everyone returned in one piece and things seemed to be taking a turn toward the domestic life. this is where everything seemingly took a turn for the worse.

• johnny had insisted you moved in with him as soon as possible, citing both love and your financial connections to the yakuza to support his living conditions even after struggling with money. he'd beg with those sweet puppy eyes, and who were you to turn down the first man that's ever loved you?

• you gave him your all, trying so hard to prove your affections and figure out how to appreciate someone that isn't yourself. johnny ate it up every time, his praise making you dizzy and his little pout every time your voice wavered in hesitation.

• at the academy and sun do, it was easy to forget that he was a supposed A-List celebrity. nobody knew him, flocked for photos and attention, the camera flashing wasn't even a worry considering their lack of technology. he was a normal man with perhaps a slightly inflated ego, but a charming pretty boy nonetheless.

• when you began living in malibu, it started to become a reality for you that you were now in the trenches of fame. while you yourself weren't famous, you did technically appear from nowhere arm in arm with the actor. it didn't take long for paparazzi to camp on your lawns, parking garages, or even as you're out getting your morning coffee.

• as a former yakuza member, your entire life was in the shadows or relatively secretive. now, everyone knew everything about you and the thought made you nauseous. johnny would remind you time and time again that this is what you set yourself up for. you two had never even approached the topic beforehand.

• then came the women. johnny was a conventionally attractive man in malibu, his glittering smile and perfect appearance had women constantly screaming at him for a glance, one that he happily provided with a slight wink. going online and seeing the edits and thirsting messages made your stomach flip. he was yours, but he felt like the world's.

• you tried sitting johnny down, unable to properly articulate your problems having never discussed serious topics with a partner before. it was a foreign topic to you, dancing around your words in one place and being too blunt in the other. johnny couldn't help but look at you with a nearly condescending stare, brow raising in such a way that made you feel... small.

• "you're dating a celebrity," he stated, as if you needed a thousandth reminder. "i'm johnny cage. i may have just been another trainee when we met, but i'm one of the most prominent men in the industry. this is what you signed up for. sorry, but i can't always be yours. i love my fans, too."

• "i didn't know what i signed up for," you clarify, brows furrowing in confusion over his tone. "i thought you'd only love me." he did say it pretty early on.

• "i do," he put his hands up defensively. "i just have more than you to worry about now, sugar. can we get on with our days, now? i have a meeting with a production team in an hour."

• perhaps you didn't know what you really agreed to. fame, women, money, cars, johnny was... wow, a pompous piece of shit in the spotlight no matter how much he claimed to have changed after the events. it was like the most sickening, arrogant light switch. you swore you loved a different man.

• after you had turned away his lifestyle for the tenth time, it was a few months after moving in that he really sat you down. he sat backwards in a chair, as if it was a casual conversation. another part of his routine.

• "you're not cut out for this," he'd open with, and you're not even sure what "this" was really referring to. "i don't want to keep dragging you through a lifestyle you can't keep up with." like you were a lesser being. your mouth goes dry.

• "you said you'd love me forever." your frown is piercing.

• "feelings... change, i guess. we met in a totally different place, things are back to normal and i just can't picture us continuing like we are now. i've got so much work to do and so little time, and you want my attention. i can't prioritize one out without losing the other."

• "so you're choosing directing over me? fame?"

• "it's not like that —" he sighs, pity in his voice. "you don't belong here."

• you stand up now. "you told me we were a forever package deal. you wanted to show me the world. you wanted this, took every first i could give. what? you're done using me for what i'm worth now?"

• johnny winces. "kind of? you're... you haven't been offering up much else than complaints." your jaw truly drops now, the anger you pushed away bubbling back up to the surface.

• "you think you can just clock out?" your voice grows in volume, increasingly nasty as you picture all the ways you could make him apologize. "you don't just get to escape that easily. do you know who i am?"

• johnny states your full name with a pitiful expression. as if it means nothing. he could have tricked you into thinking that was the case if you had kept falling for his love bombing. not anymore.

• "can you relax?" his tone is laced with irritation. "you're working yourself up, just make it easier for the both of us. look, i'll even buy you a plane ticket—" he reaches for his wallet but you catch his wrist, seeing red. for the first time in a long time, he looks at you like you're a strong person, a yakuza member.

• "easy," he wants you, tone now deadly serious. "i've got cameras everywhere. if i show police you put your hands on me like that, knowing your background, it'll be bad news for you."

• a smirk pulls at your lip, twitching in anger. you lean in close, real close. "if they even get to see the footage."

• it was a pathetic assumption that johnny would be able to escape you now, you were fully intertwined with him in such a way that angered you, but made you love him more deep down. your first love isn't supposed to just pull out from your grasp, not easily anyway.

• a wrestling match ensues. he's strong and knows how to fight, you saw it yourself. you were smarter, though. you managed to grab one of his small statues and position him just right to knock him out with a light hit. he goes limp in your arms, sending you to your knees from the weight of his body. not quite satisfied that he was at your mercy, you drag him to your shared bed.

• thanks to your intimate endeavors, rope was tucked neatly in the closet. you tied his wrists to the bedposts and his ankles to the edge of the bed. while you were emotionally detached, you were still utterly enamored with his entire existence. you leaned in close, admiring the crinkle in his nose or his delicate eyelashes as they hopelessly flutter. his plush lips part to breathe shallowly, and you barely notice your hand coming up to stroke at his cheekbone. he was a beautiful specimen, a figure that's meant to be immortalized in art.

• as mad as you were, he was just too pretty to part from. you peppered kisses from his temple to his shoulder, hand feeling the fabric of his dress shirt as you lay your head on his chest. you basically cuddled him as you leaned onto the bed, half sitting in your chair still. you had to be prepared in case he suddenly awoke and went for a bite or headbutt.

• he'll wake up eventually, and when he does, you'll be right there with a blade in hand and a wicked smile pulling at your lips.

[starry-bi-sky]

Danyal Al Ghul's missed potential - this kid is not gonna behave like his canon self if he's with the league of assassins until his late formative years, and my reasoning why

(feel free to take this all with a grain of salt this is just my thoughts on it, this is all mostly amusing to me and isn't trying to be negative towards anyone else)

similar to how i was talking about how danny growing up in crime alley would affect him, demon twin aus with danyal al ghul make me laugh a lot (affectionate) because... whose teaching danny to unlearn all the ecofascism he picked up from the league of assassins? whose teaching him to be kind? to be gentle? Not the LoA thats for certain.

(you could plausibly say Jazz but she's only 2 years older than Danny and do you really expect a fellow child to properly explain why X is wrong to another child and have it be 100% effective? i don't doubt it'd help to an extent, but not in the same way an adult explaining it would)

plus a ton of other things, like whose teaching him to value human life? not the LoA. Whose teaching him how to adjust to living with American society after he ends up with the Fentons when he's 8-9-10? Who teaches him that killing is wrong, whose enforcing that?

(not the Fentons if you're going the neglectful parent route, and Jazz can try but i really don't think Danny is going to listen to her, a stranger who isn't even part of his grandfather's league)

How do you teach a child to value human life when the greatest development window for that opportunity has closed and he's already formed his own opinions?

You're not gonna get a Danny whose exactly like his canon attitude if he's staying with the league during his formative years (0-8 years old). you're not. You could get someone LIKE it, potentially, or someone who has traces of it or is similar -- like danny's wit and jokes and sarcasm, and on some level his kindness. but you're not gonna have a carbon copy. Development doesn't work that way. "nature" can only do so much in the face of nurture.

If anything, it doesn't even have to be a major change -- in the league he cans till be kind, but it's probably going to manifest in a different way than what is considered normal. Tough love, for one. But there's gonna be something that affects him negatively. Why make him 'always good/kind' when you can make him a brat who develops into a kinder (if spikier than in canon) person?

TLDR: Danyal Al Ghul would not be like how he is in canon if he's with the league until his late formative years -- not without any lasting pr permanent impacts from the league at least. Missed potential to make him an absolute nightmare like damian was -- especially in his early years when he first arrived to the Fenton house.

(this doesn't apply to danyal al ghul aus where he's either given to the fentons as a baby/is reincarnated/etc. this is mostly aimed for danyal al ghul aus where he fakes his death at like, 7-10 and somehow ends up, personality-wise like his completely canon self by 14 without any differences.)

(and even then if he's five or four, or even three, he would still be traumatized and influenced by the league. he'll just have more time to adjust. the sooner he leaves the league the more likely he is to be like his canon self, but not like an exact copy)

(more under the cut)

Anyways what I'm saying is that there is prime missed Danyal al Ghul potential to make him an absolute NIGHTMARE to the Fentons however way he ends up with them, just like Damian was with the Waynes! Cuz why does Damian get all the fun? Danny got the same training and endoctrine as him! He is also an ex-assassin! Why is Danny the only one who is 'well adjusted and non-violent' hm? Hmm?

Why can't he also be mean, and stabby, and a total stuck-up in some way or another? Have fun with his characterization, its prime opportunity to play play-doh and clay with him! If he starts out as X how does he get the personality traits of Y, and thus become XY?

Like take this with a grain of salt if you will, but make him arrogant. Make him an asshole! Make him a bad person at first! Because he will be! He's the blood son of the batman and you mean to tell me that damian is the only one arrogant about it at first? Make him stabby and mean even at 14 when he's begun to chill out! Have fun with it! If he's with the Fentons at any point past the age of four or five then he's gonna be a nightmare to handle because he still remembers the league and his time there.

(and while it gives him more time to chill the hell out, his time at the league is still gonna leave an impact on him.)

also what im saying as well is have him and sam potentially get along like a house on FIRE. Again, Danny grew up under the views of an ecofascist cult and nobody to challenge those views to him until he got to amity park at whatever age in late formative years he was at. He could be about as intense or even MORE intense about environmental awareness/rights than Sam is!

(also him being supremely unimpressed with Sam's wealth. he gave up a palace in the mountains for this town. because that's funny to me - like let his past have more influence on him! it'll be fun!)

you could have a danny who doesn't kill but doesn't fully understand the value of human life because jazz is like two years older than him and isn't that good at explaining why people's lives are important. he won't kill but he's not morally opposed to it. there's very little chance he actually gets bullied at school because he nearly killed Dash the first time he tried anything.

Danny could have scars, physical ones, because its implied in multiple canon that training starts at toddling (my best bet is 3 at minimum and ~maybe~ 2 but only on the later side of 2. Good fucking luck getting any infant under 2 to do anything you ask, ESPECIALLY assassin training. They're gonna stick the weapon in their mouth sooner than they're gonna do katas. This is coming from a daycare teacher.)

there's more examples of how danny being at the league during his formative years would affect him, but those are just some of them. he could have a sword! An appreciation for weaponry and nature. Maybe he still speaks all shakespearan and formal, does he still make bodily threats to people? If Damian is still threatening people at 14 why can't danny?

[calmcoldevening]

Bo Sinclair NSFW ALPHABET

Tw: no minors, nsfw

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Even though Bo is selfish, he will try to do something for you after sex: a glass of water, wet towels, food, and so on. If Sinclair is in a good mood, he may well pick you up and carry you to the bathroom, where you can soak in hot water with floral foam and various bath bombs. If Bo is still full of energy, and this happens most of the time when he is satisfied, not annoyed by the tantrums of the victims, he will make you coffee, and you can sit and chat in the kitchen together, if that's what you want, of course.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes your hips. Despite the fact that he sometimes jokes about it, he really likes them. Bo likes to lie on your lap; kiss your skin there during sex, sometimes even biting and leaving characteristic marks. Sinclair really likes the soft skin of your thighs, so he often takes you in his arms to touch you once again, no matter how strange it looks. He also likes your shoulders. Get ready, most of the time they will be covered with a lot of hickeys and tooth marks. Bo will purposely leave marks in places that your favorite clothes won't hide, and then walk around and grin when you try to cover them up with a foundation; although why would you shackle them, after all, you don't go beyond Ambrose, and the brothers are already used to it. But he just grunts and shrugs at it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Bo uses condoms. The man himself is not ready for children yet, and knowing your uncertainty and vague position on this issue, he decides to avoid a possible pregnancy as much as possible. Besides, with your appearance, he learned a lot about sexual diseases and decided that he wanted to protect you from it as much as possible. Therefore, his opinion on the use of condoms is indisputable.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Bo wouldn't mind your dominance. He has never thought about it seriously enough to propose to you, after all, he does not want to lose the image of the "leader" in your eyes, he, like a little boy, is afraid of condemnation on this score. But if you had suggested it yourself, he would have agreed, of course, creating the appearance of his imaginary protest, but supposedly putting up with his inevitable fate.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Average. In particular, in high school and at the age of 25, Bo actively flirted with girls, so it came to sex. In addition, he has a large collection of magazines (which, of course, you forced him to throw away), most of which are issues of playboy. This man basically grew up in the absence of the Internet, instead of which there were DVDs and cassettes that he stole from friends as a teenager.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

69. Missionary position

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He is quite serious in your sessions. After all, one of his primary tasks is to please you, not just himself. He knows about your periodic depressive phases and attitude towards yourself, so he tries in every possible way to give you attention and care, in particular during sex. Probably, it is during intimacy with you that he is more serious than ever, because you are his first and only relationship, whereas before it was fleeting connections in clubs and bars. He is very responsible about your condition and tries in every possible way to prove it and, if possible, to control it, because he knows about your negligence towards himself.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes good care of himself so that you don’t feel any discomfort.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He's gentle enough when compared to his seasoned detachment during the day. Bo is not trying to fuck you faster and go to bed, for him this moment is a manifestation of love and affection, so he will be attentive and sensual. Bo will constantly ask if you're okay, hug, kiss and show you love in every possible way. Maybe he will even omit some puns and funny compliments to casually make you smile. This man is quite fickle, so you don't know what to expect from him in the next second. You can be ready for anything.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't masturbate very often just because you have sex if he wants to, with your consent of course. But sometimes, for example, if you are not in the mood or you are simply not at home, he can afford to masturbate. He has a good enough imagination to imagine you next to him. And yet, unlike masturbation, he prefers real sex.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He likes it when you pay attention to his chest. Kiss him, bite him, paw him and pull his nipples off — he likes it like hell.

Hair. If you take control, Bo likes it when you pull his hair at the back of his head during orgasm. It gives him a sense of your dominance at the moment.

Holding hands. When he takes a dominant role in your intimacy, Bo likes to feel in control of you. To do this, it is enough for him to hold your wrists clamped in the palm of his hand above your head. A man tries not to make you uncomfortable in this, so if he gets carried away and you suddenly feel uncomfortable, you can always use a safe word.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In general, Bo doesn't care where to do it with you. If he wants to, he will offer it to you regardless of the environment. But if you had asked where he likes to have sex the most, Bo would probably have replied that he was comfortable at his gas station. After all, he spends most of his time there, and it can be said that it has already become his kind of lair. Therefore, at any opportunity that arises, he will certainly take you there.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Bo gets turned on by your emotions. He likes it when you react to his jokes, compliments and caustic comments; when you take the initiative and start flirting with him, or vice versa, pretend that you don't care about him, and Sinclair needs to get your attention. Any violent reaction you have makes him want more, and, as he knows, your greatest emotion is euphoria during orgasm.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Bo would categorically refuse to blindfold both you and him. First of all, he wants to control the situation one way or another, and Bo wouldn't want to hurt you because he just didn't see it. And secondly, Bo likes to watch your reaction. No matter how hard you try to restrain sounds or control your face, he will be able to partially see your emotions through your eyes, and then take advantage of this and bring you to a peak so that you go crazy.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Obviously, but prefers to receive. He likes not so much the feeling of your blowjob, but watching your own emotions and trying to do everything well. Bo especially likes it when you kneel in front of him. This betrays him some sense of power and dominance in the relationship, although, often, this is far from the case.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Bo is quite fickle in this matter. He starts, of course, gently and slowly, giving you the opportunity to get used to it and, perhaps, adjust the further pace yourself, but, one way or another, in the end he will take over and be more tough and rude, trying to please himself as quickly as possible. Although he soon realizes that this is not some kind of rape or senseless fuck, and slows down his ardor, taking into account your emotions. Although sometimes he is gentle from the beginning to the very end. This is quite rare, given his rapid mood swings, and often it just happens spontaneously, of course, so he doesn't have much control over it.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

A few times a week is more than enough. Sinclair has an average libido, so very often he does not need it. In that case, he would feel more tired and exhausted. But if you offer to do it yourself, he, of course, will not object, knowing your bad character in this matter (you just won't give it to him later, it's more expensive for yourself).

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Bo is always ready to experiment, if they do not go beyond reason. Any sex toys, any new poses and techniques are widely welcomed. But not too often. He may get tired and prefer classic intimacy without outside interference and newfangled tricks. Although later you will joke about him that Bo is an old, boring grandfather who is just afraid of modern youth, which will hit his ego hard.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

In general, Bo can withstand two, and sometimes three medium runs — it all depends on the degree of his fatigue. Although, if he's been lying on the couch all day, he can go up to four rounds at a time. Usually, each of them is accompanied by the use of a new interesting thing for sex that you bought during your last trip to the city.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Yes, he does. Both on him and on you. Bo prefers to use handcuffs and wax candles for bdsm practices on himself, a little less often vibrators, while he is ready to try anything on you if you suggest it yourself. Although, if you give this old man the Internet, he will order everything himself with teenage enthusiasm.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh, he really likes it. This is literally the whole Bo. Whether it's body caressing or burning jokes, he will try anything to make you lose your temper. That burning devil fire in your eyes turns him on like hell, making him want it more and more. Therefore, be ready to spend all the nerves remaining after a hard day on this egoist.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

If Bo takes on a dominant role, he's quiet enough, you can only hear the faintest of shallow growls and grunts. But if you become the asset in the session, Bo acts a little differently. At first, he will tightly control himself to restrain any sounds coming from him, deliberately teasing you in this way. But then, when it gets damn difficult, he starts making shameless and dirty sounds that would be the envy of users of black and orange YouTube. He will whine, beg you to do this or that action, or just moan loudly, writhing under your body.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Bo would like to try role-playing games with you. He's seen enough of this kind of stuff on old cassettes and in some playboy releases, so now he really wants to try it in reality. All these costumes, funny nicknames and interesting scenes make him grin and his ears turn red.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

7 inches. The golden mean. Not thick, and not thin, enough to please you.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Strong enough. He considers literally any of your activities and location for sex. Kitchen, bedroom, gas station. It doesn't matter if you're cooking, cleaning, or just lying on the couch, he'll try to take advantage of your position now. Just believe it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Bo passes out very quickly after sex. In principle, he falls asleep quickly, but especially when he is exhausted. Literally, his head should touch the pillow, and after a good five minutes he is already snoring, sleeping soundly. You manage to fall asleep a little later. Sometimes his loud snoring gives you a headache in the morning and you arrive in a bad mood. The whole house is literally in tension, and all the household members try not to make unnecessary sounds. Except for Bo, of course. He doesn't care too much about it.

[forestdeath1]

Sirius’s early maturity as a result of family views and traditions. Romantic and sexual behaviour

18+

First of all, I'd like to leave a link to this meta by @artemisia-black so I don't have to write the same things that are already covered. The part about boundaries is especially important.

Next, I'll add my perspective.

1. Most likely, Sirius couldn't be a playboy or casanova due to the social organisation of their society + his personal attitude towards boundaries of other people, including women, as described in the post above.

2. However, that doesn't say much about his sexuality and romantic behavior.

More likely JKR wanted to make him straight and prone to non-committed relationships, but canon itself says nothing about his sexuality and I think everyone can read him as they want. Honestly, I personally don't care who Sirius is sleeping with/not sleeping with in people’s HCs. I care about his personality, and his sexuality doesn't change anything about his canon characterisation, so I don't particularly see the point in arguing about his sexuality (straight/gay/bi/ace/whatever) with foam at the mouth. (And he is not queer coded.)

But there is some interesting things that I’d like to discuss.

1. First of all, why the playboy/casanova version seems the most untenable to me, besides what was written in the post above?

A bit about the school and society:

In my opinion, for the WW, it's quite illogical for a student to have a large number of sexual partners. Firstly, with whom? In some fanfics, Sirius finds a new partner almost every week and fucks someone every night. Where does he find so much time for casual sex at school/during the war and where do so many people wanting casual sex come from? No matter how handsome Sirius might be, not all girls and boys are willing to have casual sex. Most people want relationships, not casual sex.

So in my view, if in your headcanon Sirius never got out into the Muggle world of the 1970s, then he couldn't have had a large number of casual sexual partners at least in school, although the playboy reputation could have been there. To have that reputation, you don't need to do anything, just being charismatic and attractive. Reputation often precedes the person. Maybe that's why Remus said 'he always got the women'. They just paid attention to him. But if we consider the WW, especially the school, there's simply nowhere to get 'many partners' from.

2. Ignoring a girl as evidence of a certain sexuality.

The fact that Sirius ignored girls' glances at him doesn't say anything concrete. But it's often cited as an argument in favour of his homosexuality and/or asexuality.

But in reality, it can be interpreted in any way. As asexuality/homosexuality or simply as a demonstration that he really was attractive to many people, but Sirius himself, accustomed to such attention, no longer paid attention to the constant attention to him. When a person knows his attractiveness from his youth, he will not pay attention to every flirtation or every person who looks at him with lust. Often such attention can even be annoying.

Also, this character was probably well aware of his attractiveness and could see it in other people. The comments about Snape are very vivid. If appearance is not at all part of a person's values and they doesn’t pay attention to appearance, then a person is unlikely to insult someone based on their appearance - it’s usually a blind-spot. But attractive appearance, given by nature, are often seen as something that can't be taken away, it's always with you, and so the attitude is simple — if you can't wash your hair, fine, it's not that important. And knowing about his attractiveness and constantly receiving a lot of attention from other people – the value of this attention diminishes. A person just no longer pays attention to it.

That’s why he might have simply ignored the girl who was looking at him with interest (who had been studying with him and probably had been looking at him with interest for more than a day).

3. The age of consent. Early maturity. TW Underage.

The age of consent in the Muggle UK is 16 years old. And in the WW, people become adults earlier, at 17. However, Pollux became a father at 13. Cygnus became a father at 13. What was the age of consent? When did they get married? Was there even a concept of age of consent in the wizarding world? Perhaps their age of consent was 12 (given that in 1275, the first age of consent was set in England, at age 12 and only in 1875, the Offences Against the Person Act raised the age to 13 in Great Britain and Ireland, and the International Statute of Secrecy was signed in 1689, it's possible that wizards are still stuck with laws from that time). Or maybe Pollux and Cygnus got married later. For example, at 15 (17-2). Or maybe they have no concept of age of consent at all and there is no prohibition on marriage before reaching legal age, so they could get married whenever they wanted. Considering that marriages are magically contracted without the involvement of authorities, this option seems viable.

I'm not here to judge fictional characters, I'm discussing facts from the canon. There is every reason to believe that for some families in the WW, "maturity" came much earlier than it does for us now, and it wasn't nonsense. Rather, it was casual liaisons that were condemned as something that could cause unwanted pregnancies. But not marriage and sex itself before the age of 17.

Even in our time and in our society "an estimated 55% of teens have had sexual intercourse by age 18". These percentages have gradually declined since 1988 when 51 per cent of female and 60 per cent of male teens have ever had sex".

Your right to consider this something bad and refuse to write/speak about it, but it was, is, and always will be a part of teenage life, and judging by the Blacks, in the WW, the attitude towards this was quite... "old-fashioned", if it concerned marriage and childbearing.

I am inclined to believe that it was the Blacks who had this attitude towards early marriage and early childbirth, and therefore towards early sex, BUT not casual sex, because nobody wanted unwanted pregnancy.

And this could have influenced Sirius's attitude towards himself, his sexuality, and how mature he considered himself. Sorry, but when your grandfather became a father at 13, as did your uncle... well, you definitely look at growing up a little differently. He put up Muggle posters too because his parents were annoyed not by the fact that he was a 14-15 year old thinking about sex (although he might not have thought about it at all, he just knew it would piss his mum off), but by the fact that he was thinking about sex with mudbloods, which horrified his parents.

Just imagine what must be going through the mind of a 14-15 year old who decided to piss his parents off. What would James do? Well, paint the room red. Put dung bombs on the head of everyone who walked in. What did Sirius do? Erotic posters (women in swimming costumes are erotic posters to their world).

In my opinion, this says a lot about all the Blacks and the fact that they have some peculiarities in their family dynamics. Where did he even get the idea for this, if Sirius and the Blacks were innocent in their attitude towards teenage sex and growing up? I can totally see them yelling at him after these posters 'if you get someone pregnant, you'll really regret it!'.

The posters themselves don't say anything about Sirius's real intentions or his sexuality – he could have just put them up to piss her mother off, knowing that it would annoy her, or he himself might have liked them.

Meanwhile, James and his parents probably had a different dynamic, and they probably treated James as a child for much longer. So James matured sexually in his mind later. His parents probably didn't even talk about such things. And considering that they went to a conservative school, then further than kissing for him at 15 was probably not even a topic, if they even got to kissing.

Most likely, Sirius's 'early maturity' and all these posters are exactly the result of intra-family traditions and views.

4. It's confirmed by Word of God that he didn't have a girlfriend, but…

If we consider only the books as canon, then we don't know anything about his girlfriend/boyfriend, and he could have had some romantic relationships, because the canon itself doesn't say anything about it.

But I'll specifically analyze the case with 'Word of God':

Well, Sirius never had time to get a girlfriend, let alone marry.

Sirius was too busy being a big rebel to get married.

This means only one thing: he didn't give any commitments. That's it. It doesn't mean anything more than that. He could have had no partners at all, meaning he could have been focused only on friendship. Or he could have had a sexual partner (of any gender) without commitments. One or more. Who mutually wanted this. And these relationships didn't take up much of his time.

Non-committal relationships can be with sufficient respect for the partner. This doesn't make the character a Casanova/Playboy/fuckboy.

In the monoromantic concept of serious relationships, respect for the partner is often perceived only within the context of monoromantic relationships. But that’s not the only option. In non-committal relationships, there can also be a lot of respect for the other person's boundaries because the person isn't lying about their attitude (unwillingness to have a serious relationship), does not pile on false promises and usually does not confess eternal love. But playboys and casanovas can often lie to get someone into bed.

The view on purity and filth is very interesting, but in my opinion, purity for the Blacks is conceptually not the same purity as for the upper class in the Muggle world raised in a Christian reverent tradition. Purity is primarily 'noble blood.' To be pure is to be noble, and Sirius has his own understanding of nobility, not based on blood purity. For him, honor and nobility mean being loyal to friends, being honest, not betraying, and that's why he uses epithets of impurity for Peter. Peter lacks nobility.

As I said, having one/several partners without commitments doesn't automatically make the character a playboy and casanova – in other words, it's not about the Erot of perverted Aphrodite – people who love only the body, not the inner world (seeing people as objects, ignoring the person as a whole).

So, taking into account the Word of God, I actually see only two options.

He didn't have sexual relationships at all/tried it and didn't like it/ wasn't interested/ found it not very interesting or just was more focused on his friends and other things in his life.

Or the second option – he had non-committal relationships, which were always based on respect for the partner, but it was never like 'my girlfriend/boyfriend,' more like sexually-friendly relationships where he treated his partner not just as an object for sex but as a person.

The third option, if we discard the Word of God – he could have had regular monogamous romantic relationships of any nature with any gender, as there's nothing in the canon about his sexuality.

As I said, I don't think it fundamentally changes anything about his characterisation, so no matter what his sexuality is, he should retain his canon personality traits.

[rise-my-angel]

Heart of the Great Wolf

44 - Greenish White Bloodraven

Pairing: Jon Snow x F!Baratheon!Reader, Robb Stark x F!Baratheon!Reader (Past)

Length: 16.2

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort, past character deaths, trauma related insecurities, alcohol consumption, discussions of pregnancy and miscarriages

Notes: So, what do we think the wider reaction everyone here will have to this news, come morning exactly? Previous Chapter Here, Series Masterlist Here

Stannis Baratheon could not tell yet if he was offended or impressed. From the previous days when meeting him for the first time, to that night, already he knew opinions were going to be mixed. On one hand, he preferred not to treat men with any degree of special treatment, but unlike what many spoke of him as, Stannis did not feel a lack of emotion. In fact, it was that tie of not treating him any different against what his emotions were telling him of that was the conflict.

On another hand, the boy was stubborn. Quite stubborn, and rather stoic and quiet in comparison to the short time Stannis had encountered his brother. On the more difficult end, the more they spoke in those first days the easier it was for Stannis to understand what about him would have appealed to his first born daughter. As soon as this man of the Nights Watch had told him his name, he was struck by the appeal to emotion to give him the chance other men didn't deserve.

Perhaps however, it was exactly those emotions that was why Stannis was leaning towards impressed rather then insulted. The Lady Melisandre had the King beyond the Wall ready to be burned at the stake, due in part for his role of leadership for the wildings and their attack, another in part of if execution was the just sentence for him, then she demanded it for that of the Lord of Light.

The King beyond the Wall had only just begun to sound out in agony as the flames encased around him, when suddenly from a high point behind Stannis and the crowd did an arrow come. Landing directly into the wildling King's heart and ending his life before his sentence was truly carried out. Stannis had turned to look and see what happened, but only saw what should have made him angry, yet didn't.

Jon Snow had killed Mance Rayder quickly out of mercy, and in a very public display against the word of a King.

So as he sat in what became his office, the bastard boy standing across him the next day, part of Stannis pondered these very thoughts. Why wasn't he more insulted, offended, angry? He would not let it go without a word, but even Ser Davos watching could tell Stannis was not anywhere near the sort of reaction he would've had were it done by anyone else.

But he reprimanded Jon all the same. “I ordered Mance Rayder burnt at the stake. You prevented that order from being carried out. You showed mercy to Mance Rayder. A king's word is law. Perhaps you should ask Ser Davos how much mercy I show to lawbreakers.” He could see the boys eyes drifting to where only stubs of a once full hand now remained of it's fingers. Yet still, Stannis did not quite maintain the level of authority which he had spoken down to even the boys brother with. If anything, he was aware enough to know this was more of a parent lecturing a child. “Show too much kindness, people won't fear you. If they don't fear you, they don't follow you.”

Jon however, spoke with a calm respect. He stood in silence with his eyes drifted somewhat downward as Stannis lectured him, but it was not the same look now. More of a wide, bright eyed honesty that did not come with attitude nor judgment. Just a low, rough voice speaking the raw truth which Stannis found himself appreciating.

“With respect your grace, the free folk will never follow you no matter what you do. You're the man who burned their King alive.”

He did not appear someone who wanted power, but Stannis tested that intention all the same. “Who then? You?” Jon however, did not hesitate with confidence to tell him no. Explaining that they would only follow one of their own.

It was quiet for a moment, and the debate in his head stopped there. He could tell the boy was on edge, and was expecting a punishment further then such a conversation. Of course he would, he thought to himself. He was a bastard, used to being looked down on. And as it were, he could tell men such as Ser Alliser Thorne and Lord Janos Slynt despised him to the point Jon likely was seeing little light at the end of the path.

But Stannis also knew, the two of them had both been in the others proximity for a number of days now, and not once had the boy come close to bringing your name up. Which was interesting, considering you were the only reason Stannis had any preconceived notions about him in the first place. He knew there was a closeness between you and Jon once, which few were ever graced to have.

And he knew losing that closeness must hurt a great deal, and yet, Jon Snow did not once so far come close to saying your name or even indicating he knew anything about Stannis having a daughter besides Shireen. He was keeping something locked very tightly inside in front of Stannis and he couldn't help the manner in which he eased up.

Stannis wanted to know more about him, because he needed to understand what about a bastard could at all endear themselves to someone such as his firstborn daughter. And why the same bastard seemed to act as if you did not at all exist, now that you were gone.

So he switched tactics. Lightened the air up with something Stannis had an inkling was going to illicit a reaction more then the stoic, cold quiet Jon had thus far. Pulling out a raven scroll tucked underneath a pile of papers. “Do you know this wretched girl? Lyanna Mormont?”

Raising an eyebrow, Jon stepped forward as Stannis pushed it across the desk. “The Lord Commanders niece.”

“The daughter of the Lady of Bear Island, a child of ten. I asked to commit her house to my cause. That's her response.” And it got just the reaction he expected. Calm, more calm, and suddenly, what might have been the closest to a laugh if even only a smile, which he was going to pull from Jon that tried to peek out as he got to the crux of the answer.

Bear Island knows no King but the King in the North, whose name is Stark.

Only the slightest of raising of an eyebrow did Stannis lean forward, the ghost of a smirk which was not to be noticed by any. If perhaps only Ser Davos beside, who watched with a quiet intrigue of the growing dynamic as Stannis said, “That amuses you?”

In a second, did Jons tune change. The stone wall was put right back up and erased every scrap of personality Stannis was trying to slowly pull out of him. “I apologize, your Grace. Northerners can be a bit like the free folk. Loyal to their own.”

Setting it back down on the desk, Stannis commented that he knew all too well of that aspect of Jons people. Robert during his reign had gone on often and loudly about how difficult it was to control them, even with Lord Eddard Stark acting as Warden of the North. They were a stubborn people.

Just as Robb Stark had told Stannis they would be. And Stannis knew he was a fool for ignoring him.

Ser Davos begun going back and forth with Jon regarding that night's coming event. Lord Commander Jeor Mormont had been killed some years ago now, and a new one would need to be chosen now that the wildling threat had been taken care of. Stannis had said to Ser Davos directly before Jon had been summoned, that it was not passed a man like Thorne to hang Jon for what he sees, which is a traitor and a threat.

Stannis did not claim to care what caused the man to think Jon Snow was a traitor, any hearsay he heard wasn't his business but he did care of that being a threat. And Stannis did not come to regret refusing to aid in any way to Robb Stark, only to stand back and let his brother waste every potential in him by being taken out by an unpleasant man with a grudge.

He did not mince words telling Jon that. “Your bravery made him look weak. He'll punish you for it. I don't punish men for bravery. I reward them.”

The boy made it easy to figure out what you would have been drawn to him. He was blunt and genuine and without attitude when so many would have spoken to him at that point. No, Jon Snow seemed to approach the truth and the subsequent burdens with as much weight as as his long passed father did, as his late brother did, as Stannis did and most notably, the way he knew you did too. “I don't doubt it, your Grace. But I'm a brother of the Night's Watch. I've pledged them my life, my honour, my sword. I don't know what I have left to give you.”

But Stannis knew there was one thing. “You can give me the North.”

Doubt ran across Jons face in an instant. A doubt and an insecurity which any highborn wouldn't have reason to feel, but being a bastard instead, Jon did not hide from it. “I can't. Even if I wanted to, I'm a bastard. A Snow.”

But Stannis had thought, if this boy being a bastard did not matter to you, it should not effect the manner in which Stannis was growing to view him as. You admired a bastard, and Stannis did too, but law was law. He was a bastard boy with nothing to inherit and leaving on his own would be desertion. But, Stannis was a just man, and he knew the law decreed that there were ways in which to remedy both situations.

One which would spare Jon from being at the mercy of a Lord Commander with a hateful grudge looking to hang him, and one which would utilize what Stannis knew could be a powerful ally at his side. Both problems too, had the benefit of one singular, simple solution.

“Kneel before me. Lay your sword at my feet. Pledge me your service and you'll rise again as Jon Stark, Lord of Winterfell.”

Much to their surprise however, Jon had been elected as the new Lord Commander and subsequently told him no.

Stannis's life made even less sense the more the year progressed. Receiving word that Balon Greyjoy was dead, the Ironborn had organized the first Kingsmoot in centuries and voted for their new King to rule the Salt Throne. Who had begun to pull the Ironborn out of the North, leaving Stannis to start moving along to gauge what was left remaining. He had thought however, of all men, they had elected Euron Greyjoy.

During the Greyjoy rebellion, by the time Stannis was able to sail to the other side of the country, he had encountered Euron and Victarion Greyjoy as they burned Lord Tywin's ships at Lannisport.

Unlucky for Euron and his brother, who commanded the other half of the Greyjoy fleet, they were not the only men who lived and breathed the open waters. House Baratheon was built upon being surrounded by water since the start of their house's existence. Stannis was the sailor of his family, even moreso then his father. In times of war, Robert gave Stannis full command to do what needed to be done and it took only two months to destroy the Greyjoy fleet.

He held the rest of them off as Ned Stark and Robert Baratheon lay siege to Pyke. Only after two of Balon's sons had died, did he surrender. Handing his last remaining son to Ned Stark to take as prisoner and for the rest of that family to lick it's wounds as Stannis could finally return home to what was now, his two daughters. He had recalled hoping that Selyse's brother Alester had heeded his advice, and allowed you the chance to rule Dragonstone in his stead, with guidance from what stayed there of his council as necessary.

No doubt Selyse was still recovering, she had been as unwell this pregnancy as she was the entire time she was with you. Perhaps he should have known all four of those others wouldn't have come to term, the only two pregnancies which produced a living child she had been sick from minute one. Meaning Stannis sailed home already with plans in place on how to tackle that. You'd need to be focused on your lessons once more, and that would mean taking time away from you with Shireen.

He never said a word of it, but one of the few times Stannis felt something grow in his heart was the early morning his ship appeared in view of Dragonstone. Quickly did Ser Axell call to him, pointing out a figure high up looking. Or two figures. The one time Stannis had smiled so easily in front of his men, was the sight of his twelve year old daughter, with his three month old newborn daughter in your arms helping her wave them home.

By the time Shireen's greyscale had been cured, Stannis knew he had an unspoken reason as to why he was insistent on bringing you with him to Kings Landing. The two Stark boys had been a tedious influence on your wildness, and previously Selyse had been fed up with your growing attitude. He knew bringing you with him to the capitol would help in that regard. But he knew he couldn't bring Selyse and Shireen, first he needed his wife and her eldest brother Alester to serve the island for him and he was not cruel enough to think he had the right to separate Selyse from the first child she was able to have that lived in over twelve years.

But he could bring you. You were so much like him in some of the worst ways, and the older you got the clearer it was that you somehow inherited too, the worst self destructive tenancies of Robert. It was a difficult relationship his whole life with you, but he loved you. And if he could have only one thing in that rats nest of a capitol, he wanted it to be you.

It was why when your fourteenth nameday was approaching and you still had not bloomed, he gave explicit instructions to you not to say a word to anyone when it happened. To come to him and only him, but as it turned out, a handmaiden saw it first. He knew why Cersei insisted you took on handmaidens, she wanted a spy to watch over the only girl in the capitol she could dote on and try to groom you for her plans.

So he did what he had avoided doing for almost two years, sending you away again. He wrote to Lord Stark telling him to expect your arrival, and ordered Allard to ensure you left on the first ship the next morning. You'd be as far from her reach as possible with the Starks, and he refused to let you return until he was confident he had dismantled every one of Cersei's schemes involving you.

But two years with the Starks, and two years growing into someone close to a woman, well, you never really came back the way you used to be. You felt dragged back by force out of nowhere and you had blossomed into a girl of sixteen by the time he saw you again and now all those worse parts of himself and Robert clashed tenfold between you both.

It never got better. Only worse. Then he did what he once sent you away to avoid Cersei doing. He used you as a pawn for what was Stannis's own political movements, by marrying you off for his own strategic advantage. It was karma really, he did to you what he sent you away to avoid Cersei doing to you, and in return you sided against him in a war. You were declared a Queen at your independent Northern King and husbands side.

Then he refused to make peace. Then he lost at the Blackwater. Then he lost you, he lost the son in law he never gave a single chance, and he lost the grandson Stannis never knew he was to have.

Only to meet Robb Starks last living brother, a man who Stannis was almost certain was in love with you. Only to then separate once more not knowing if he'd ever find reason to convince Jon Snow he was worth more in this fight then a frozen castle at the edge of the world. Then they met at Deepwood Motte, a wildling army at Jon's back where he insisted they speak inside in private.

The news never stopped being out of control. According to Jon, you were dead, and then alive, you were a prisoner of the Boltons the entire time, and now the boy, Ramsay Bolton was preparing to start a war to get you back. Only, it got stranger and stranger what Jon told of him until it all led to what Stannis quickly caught onto was all but a thinly veiled threat when the subject came up, that you had been considered a traitor to Stannis before your death.

“My own brothers stabbed me seven times in the chest and I bled to death trying to convince men to help me to rescue her. The only reason I'm standing here, is because she brought me back. Not any god or priestess or ceremony, just her. If Ramsay is willing to start a war to get her back after spending a year torturing her, try to think what I'd to protect her against a father still trying to call her a traitor.”

Jon Snow had gone from refusing to even mention you out of a strangling grief he wished to internalize, to standing before a King with a not so subtle threat that he'd protect you against more then just the Boltons if Stannis tried to push it. He had gotten the image all wrong when he tried to imagine your place back within life, back in Stannis and Jon's lives. He was terribly wrong about it all.

Only, he wasn't as he now realized. He was right about almost all of it.

The ironic thing was, that faced with the reality of the imagined fantasy Stannis wondered up in the days in Castle Black, it was clear which one between you and Jon was equipped to handle him without any hesitations. Jon had stood before the sitting King with nerves and a raw honesty.

This time though, you sat across from him to position yourself as an equal, and the silence in the room was not wrought with nerves or tension. Just a stubbornness and a complete lack of intimidation.

Green eyes on green eyes unblinking in their stare against one another as you sat down before him and still you and your father sat in a silence. Whatever arguments the man was ready to put forth, you knew you were equally as ready to knock them all down.

Minutes passed before either of you broke, and it was your father who did it first. “I don't imagine your mother was thrilled over the matter.”

A sigh may have left your mouth were you less controlled in your nerves of said moment. “Her daughter went from a Baratheon to a Stark to a Snow. I didn't expect her nor you to be pleased by it.”

Any other man and there may have been blatant judgment in their tone, but in your father it was even and dry only caring of getting to the route of the topic at hand. “Neither of you presumed to think it would be appropriate for the man to gain blessing from the bride's father before a betrothal is made.”

You didn't blink, nor did Stannis. He did not jump right to his point without ensuring you understood where he was going to be coming at it from in root, but you didn't really feel the patience for it right now. It wasn't meant as a game but it felt one regardless. Your tone was if possible, even more flat and unwavering dry as his. “Previously, you had assumed Jon and I were sharing a bed so to speak. It seems a step backwards to care about asking permission for marriage before caring about pre marital affairs.”

Both of you were far too stubborn for this. “Two moons ago you married, we can cross out being with child as the reason for how rushed you went into this.”

A part of you hesitated, there was no shame in the truth anymore and certainly not with your father in comparison to the sort of affairs both his own brothers engaged in. But would it change his view of Jon you wondered. Then again, you could also find it in you to argue that if this changed his opinion now of all times, he must not have respected him as much as he claims. So you were honest. “Jon and I have shared romantic feelings since I was fifteen. We've known each other since I was eight. I think it is safe to say, he and I have done the opposite of rush into this.”

He didn't look as if this was new information, which was the strange part. You knew the only one who had an inkling was Shireen, but you had known for a fact she kept all of it to herself since she had never even confronted you of such subjects in that manner. How your father knew, you couldn't figure out.

Calm as ever, you both looked at one another, sat on either side of the desk in quiet as the muffled sounds of work and yelling filtered in through the stone walls against the crackling fire. “He taught you how to use a sword.” Not a question, and thus you gave one nod of a yes before he continued. A curiosity filtering in his gaze. “Selyse wasn't happy about that either, when you returned home that year.”

“It might be more productive by now to make a list of things I've done that have made either of you happy compared to not. If we name all the things about my life you disapprove of we may be sitting here quite a long time.” Silent for a moment you forced the question out. “What is your point here, father? Is it that I married without your expressed permission or is it because I married a bastard?”

“Something's changed since the last we spoke.”

Silence sat between you both more, “Has it?”

He couldn't have known, you know he didn't know. You were keeping it a secret from most everyone for a reason, including why he managed to escape alive in the first place. In truth, you didn't want to sit here and talk about Jon. You wanted to sit here and ask what on earth was wrong in your father's head when he decided he was going to let the red woman murder his own nephew, the only one he had left for all he knew.

You wanted to know why when there were so little of Baratheon blood left, were you all self destructing towards oblivion.

Your father murdered his brother, and tried to murder his nephew and you murdered your sister. You could sweeten that night with honey all you wanted, but at the end of the day, your father and you both killed your own blood. Maybe you wanted something from him which he couldn't provide. The answer of why this family was doomed to destroy each other.

Your father kept his calm in the face of a silent whirlwind behind your stoic gaze. “The last we were in Kings Landing, I met a number of Robert's bastards. Didn't care for any of them. Half Robert, half whatever tavern slut he bedded on a drunken night. The only nephew I had known for some time was Joffery, and not yet realizing the truth of his birth I saw no interest in getting to know any of Roberts other children. They weren't trueborn, and nieces and nephews or not, if Robert was not going to recognize them, why should I?”

Was it hypocritical you thought? The degree to which maybe you should rip the necklace from your person off and give it right back to the man who gave it to you, the one who didn't know what it was like to push dagger into the back of her skull. Mercy or not, why should you be angry about what Stannis had almost done to Gendry when you had done it yourself to your own little sister, to Shireen.

But it slipped out in an anger regardless. “Because they have your blood in their veins, same as I.”

You had seen her state, she had no life waiting even if she would ever awake without agonizing pain shocking her back to the darkness. It was different you told yourself, so why did this not feel different?

It was easier when you learned about Renly. You were still a person then, a human made whole in life and not a shell of what used to be with your sisters blood on your hands. This time, you learned about Gendry after you had already committed kinslaying exactly as your father did. You did not have the right to feel angry at him, when you did it yourself. You and your father were no better then the other.

If Stannis had a point he was making, he was tying it together from various starting points of stories he assumed were related together. “Your mother was not happy when I married you to a Northerner, but at least he was a highborn. Heir to Winterfell. Happy or not Robb Stark was an appropriate suitor for my daughter. Had in those days you come to me and told me you married a bastard without my permission, I'd have dragged you back to Dragonstone with me and never let you out of my sight for some time.”

Your eyes drifted to the side ever so slightly. Dramatic, but precisely what you would have expected in such years. Only, the connecting bonds your father weaved together, you hadn't expected. “So when I offered to make Jon the Lord of Winterfell, I offered to make him a Stark to do so. He was only a bastard, and law is law so I offered to declare him the name of his fathers house and seat in exchange for his fealty. He turned me down, and do you know what it was I had thought that day? What came to mind when he told me no?”

Shaking your head slightly, there wasn't a judgment in his gaze, but something a little more weighted with an emotion you were struggling to identify on Stannis, at least when it was directed towards you it was a struggle.

What wasn't expected, was the real answer. “I had wondered, that if in another life where you had lived, if you were still alive, would that have changed his mind. If I had offered to make him a Stark, offered to make him Lord of Winterfell, would he have accepted my offer, if you were alive to offer him as well.”

Brows narrowing, your head tilted in a slight ask of a confused whisper. “What does that mean?”

“Had you been alive, or more accurately, had any of us known you were alive, I would have given you to him as a wife in addition to everything else. Give the boy one more thing he never had, a highborn girl he had been in love with.” He had known, in whatever manner he deduced, your fathers time with Jon directed him to the very conclusion Jon had hidden from all too many. “Naming him a Stark wouldn't have changed the boy being born a bastard, and if I was willing to marry you to him then, I'm not sure how much else could convince you that is not the issue now.”

Nails dug into the leather of the other glove in your lap, not sharp enough to feel much of the pressure against your skin under. Still, nothing was said from you. “I am insulted this was all done without my knowledge or consent, but that does not mean I disapprove of the marriage or of him. You chose all on your own to let your surname become Snow, and your children will hold that name as well. If I cannot change that, I will not waste my energy being unhappy over it.”

Inhaling deeply, you had to convince yourself to turn and look back at him mid way through your own sentence. “What is this then? A lecture to tell me how disappointed you are?”

The immediate falling expression into something flat on your face at the ease in which your father looked at you without blinking and said, “It is like you said, if we were to sit down and discuss everytime I have been disappointed with something you've done, we'd have spent much more time in my office over the years going over it every other day.”

It was difficult to tell when he was being hyperbolic to amuse himself or to find a small rise out of you, but the stiff quiet between you both wasn't awkward as it was a bit of a distraction from the previous tension going unsaid. A hum in your throat had you peeling your eyes away with a smirk only he could've spotted without question. “And you wonder why you weren't invited. Now, can we move to the matters at hand or shall we sit here a little while longer and pretend I'm getting a stern talking too?”

Still though, it was a strange thought which remained in your head for the moments of quiet you were left alone in. Your father was right in a manner of speaking, everything he offered in their own way came to reality. Only without his help was the caveat for some, and titles were the difference in others.

The memory of seven fatal wounds forever carved into Jons chest. A death which led to every prediction of your father to come to fruition, but for as far as he has come, part of you wished he had taken the offer when he had the chance. Returning to life didn't make it any better that he died trying to find you in the first place.

He had done much to move on from it, move you both on from thinking of it, but it was right there every time you saw them. The memory unable to be shaken of walking down the steps of the Ice Cells for the very first time that morning as everything which had the chance to finding something positive in your life died all over again. It wouldn't have changed that he was Robbs heir, it wouldn't have changed how you felt about him, it wouldn't have changed that you would follow him no matter where he was to lead you.

It would've meant he lived, and for perhaps the first time, you hated how dedicated the Starks were to doing the right thing no matter the cost to themselves. Jon himself had told you he didn't regret trying to leave to find you, but he should.

“I have four thousand I can station between four castles right away, and I have another ten trapped in the Stormlands by the Golden Company.”

Were you anyone else, the guilt may have been brought out on your face right away but as it was, neither you nor Jon gave anything in expression away. Nor even shifted a glance to one another. A lie quick forming in your mind to jump to Jon's defence before anything of what he and you had done would be given away. This would be the worst time for that as such.

As it was, Jon stood confident as ever. It was clear his time in the Nights Watch had left an impact on him which had not gone away. Before Edd arrived, he looked the most comfortable walking even the ruins of the Nightfort, and still looked just as at home in these walls as he did at Castle Black. The only thing any different from your last time spent at the Wall, was there was slightly more grey and browns mixed with the ever present black on him, and the once wild curls now tamed pulled back.

Hand clenching in on itself, you forced your eyes back to the table you sat at, on one side of it Jon was stood braced with his palms against it and Stannis stood at the other in a similar position. For once, you had said nothing in argument as Jon had insensitively moved to almost push you back in the seat when you made to stand with them. Nothing said further when he seemed all but shove food in front of you with a pointing gesture to make you eat.

Ripping off small bits at a time, thankful that despite the almost amusing pushiness, Jon seemed to sense lately exactly what you needed, when you needed it. The past week in particular he was very keen on picking up any changes in your mood, behaviour, anything. You couldn't yet tell if Ghost, who currently was sat dutifully by the back of the room with keen watchful eyes, was doing the same on his own or picking up the habit influenced by Jon.

Though, Ghost did bring a dead fox all the way in from the wolfswood about a fortnight ago, and found you specifically to gift it to. Your two White Wolves both odd creatures, they were.

Jon's voice rumbled somewhat to the side of you, “I can send a raven to Storm's End. Find out if Aegon would be willing to negotiate letting your men leave.”

The quiet sat on your fathers face and you already knew the precise question which would come out of his mouth. “And why would the boy be willing to do so when he previously refused to cooperate?”

You were proud however, the ease in which Jon had the answer without finding his way to the lie which sat underneath the how. “Aegon knows eventually his aunt will make her move to Westeros, and he knows it will turn into the two of them against each other. We managed to negotiate a truce with him, he won't try and force the North to bend the knee or fight in his war and in exchange the North won't choose a side. If he and his aunt go to war, he agreed to show us peace if we give him neutrality.”

And the follow up you had seen coming, “How did you manage to come to that agreement?”

Quick and flat, you let it slide out as if natural in the moment statement meant as a jest towards your father, but Jon only briefly glanced to you with a wider look in his eyes at how easily you covered up to Stannis of all people, especially when you knew the lie was truly yours. “Some Kings are more willing to negotiate peace treaties with each other then you.”

Once more however, it was striking in the room between primarily Jon and Theon the degree to which only a few years apart from you and so much context of your life was forever missing to them. Ser Davos looked down with an amused glint in his eye covering a smirk, and your father only matched the flat look in your eye as an answer. “Very well then.” Looking back to Jon he was quick to the point. “Send word to him as soon as possible, the sooner I can get my men to begin work on the castles here the better prepared we can be.”

You could tell as the room filtered out, Jon was silent in his stare to grab your attention but it had missed you entirely as Theon came to speak beside you. “You can't avoid them forever, you know.”

Glancing to the side before flickering your gaze back to the cold outside, you held back something of a sigh. “I can when we leave and they stay here. We allowed them here to fight this fight, not preach things to me I had spent years avoiding being apart of.”

Theon could tell you were being stubborn, but you on the other hand knew that he wouldn't push the issue in the same manner others may. “Should have hanged them both before ever letting them get anywhere near Winterfell.” You didn't look with a glare that time but Theon felt it no doubt, following himself up with a more collected tone. “You can frame it however you like, but they were still part of that plan to kill you.”

Shortness on your tone, you almost interrupted him. Cutting through whatever words may have come next the moment you could sense the end of his breath. “Kidnap. Murder is a far charge away from that of kidnapping. And you and I both know now they did not plan it. Hanging them wouldn't change that someone else planned all of that.”

He was quiet, and you knew he felt as agitated as Jon would everytime you came up with excuses for what Beric and Thoros had been apart of. “Your father know about it?” The answer of no came so quickly it almost brought more aggravation from his tone you didn't need to look to know was there. “If they aren't guilty, why not tell him about it?”

“There is little Stannis Baratheon appreciates more then executing justice, but this didn't happen in his lands. It isn't his business. We are handling the rest, he doesn't need to be told everything which happens in my life.” You felt the cold wind stinging across your cheeks, but in a way you almost felt relieved by the sensation.

A bitter awakening which kept you on your toes instead of the comfortable many wanted for you now.

“Don't know much about him. Spent some twenty years at Castle Black before being made Lord Commander. Didn't last long after that, and if I don't know more means he probably wasn't very good at it.” Always one to appreciate the manner in which Edd got right to the point. Your arms crossed your chest, elbow propped up onto one to let your nails tap at your lip in thought as you listened.

He also thought little of your questions or their abrupt nature thankfully. “What happened to him exactly?” Also a stroke of luck he either did not pick up on your unusual curiosity or did not see fit to particularly care in prying about why.

Part of him looked exhausted, though you were beginning to feel as if all of you lived in such a state these days. His voice sounded distant and somewhat muttering as he clearly tried to recall the exact details he may have once knew. With how much he read you knew Sam might have been a better starting off point, but even if you could catch him alone, he'd mention the questions to Jon the moment they saw the other next. Which was the point you were trying to avoid, certain things simply didn't need to be added atop his shoulders despite what he insisted. He wouldn't let you take some of the burdens from his shoulders to share so you weren't going to add to them.

“Went ranging north of the Wall, disappeared, died. I assume. Hard to say that for sure anymore.” Your expression fell to a tie between somewhat dismayed and understanding, but regardless Edd caught the sense you were going to make him elaborate first. “Men disappear out there all the time, anything could have happened.”

Pacing along the length of the room, you shook your head more to yourself. “Any ranger perhaps, but I find it hard to believe the Lord Commander could disappear out there and no one would come back with anything to say about it.”

“They would if no one was there to come back with him.” Tormunds voice bounced off of the walls and against the wood towards your ears but your face scrunched slightly in a confusion. Turning to look at him there was something narrowed in his gaze towards you. “Sometimes crows leave all alone and don't come back, Mance didn't.”

It was Edd's turn to look back, standing a bit straighter with a tilt of his head towards him. “Mance Rayder wasn't Lord Commander, and he was born out there. This guy wasn't. Can't imagine many highborns willingly leaving everyone behind to live out in the snow.” This time, it was your eyes narrowing in a bit of a surprised curiosity. But it had to wait for now.

“Maybe he was looking for something.” As soon as you had asked for what, Tormund once more looked as if now he was the one withholding information on purpose. He clearly knew enough to give you small details but something else was being kept in his head despite you having the clear indication he knew more then he was willing to divulge. “Freedom? A Woman? Who knows.”

Edd piping up with a doubt in an amused tinge hinted at in his voice. “Man was in his sixties. Can't imagine he only found the urge by then to start sticking his dick into something after twenty years.”

“Be surprised what old men want when they go grey. I've seen plenty of grandpa's get new energy like their boys finding out they can play their cocks all over again.” Oh you were not the correct person to be a participant of this discussion. Holding a hand to your forehead as both men went back and forth until you found your limit of dick discussions for a lifetime.

Holding a hand out almost in a pleading for whatever they were saying to stop, you interrupted them with what was clearly an embarrassed grimace on your face. “I believe we have gotten far off the discussion, gentlemen.”

Nodding towards you, both men now smirked at one another in a knowing joke you were not in on. “You'd think being married to a crow she'd know all about that.”

Now you didn't even know what they were talking about anymore at all. Edd not helping as he indulged whatever joke Tormund was making at your expense. “Guess not. Suppose we know why they still don't have any little ones yet.”

Your face scrunched in a disapproval and yet almost an innocent bewilderment how you even got onto whatever this topic was. “I don't even have a clue what you two are going on about anymore.”

Whatever the smirk between Edd and Tormund meant, it had you rolling your eyes in an instant. Muttering as you made your way to leave the room to their boyish mockings on their own. “Many thanks for the assistance.”

Only, instead of finding the door to the cold outside did a large hand grab at your forearm and without any effort tug you backwards. Body landing somewhat in a stumble only to be cushioned by the now very close proximity of Tormund. Brows narrowed as he leaned down to look at you with a quiet but more serious tone for your hearing only. “If you're not going to stop snooping, may as well ask the only one here whose been out there his whole life.”

Raising an eyebrow, you found he almost matched your expression in a challenge. “I did ask you, and you claimed to not know anything.”

“Did I, now?”

Both pairs of eyes could've been mistaken for glaring had it not been a staring competition between you and Tormund of all people. Though you supposed to Edd it looked rather as such. Your voice lowered for only him to hear with a roughness held back in frustration. “I'm not paying games, Tormund. If you know something tell me, if not, let go of me.”

The last man to be intimidated by you, he didn't take the bait whatsoever. The smirk was almost infuriating however. “Starting to sound like the pretty crow needs another reminder how to loosen up.”

Only silence as your eyes narrowed just slightly more, only this time the jest behind it was far clearer to him then Edd now confused as anything. “If you weren't twice my size I'd have hit you by now.”

Passing a beat between you, instead he once more used his stature to turn you in place, tugging you more to his side before shoving you to the door as your previous goal was. Tormund this time following suit as he rumbled just behind you, “You know all the right things to say.”

In the cold air of the Nightfort, a great laugh left him as you sighed almost so deeply one would think it came from the mouth of a disappointed parent. Under your breath you whispered in an exasperation, “Seven hells, I knew you weren't done letting this go.”

Waiting until the moment you passed him by, did Ghost stand up and dutifully follow wherever the path was which Tormund was directing you. Unbeknownst to you as he trailed along, the red behind the direwolf's eyes weren't bright and attentive but almost darker and tense behind them. Tormund wasn't the only one not letting that go.

By the time the name Brynden Rivers came from your mouth, Tormund had told you he's never heard of him. Your eyes rolled with a glare up to him. “I know you haven't heard of him, that's why I didn't originally ask you that.”

The Nightfort made sense only in terms of when the Nights Watch was regarded with respect and given the manpower and resources to hold it. By the time it was abandoned it then no more made sense to keep it. You had walked for what felt like ten minutes and still found yourself only now approaching the other side of the courtyard. Not even five hundred men could maintain this place for such a long period of time, let alone the dwindled numbers you could presume had been it's final count.

“So what did you see exactly.”

Twice now you had seen it, in one dream then once more not long ago. Both times not alone but a crow with three eyes beside it, as if they stood one in the same now. It had pricked at your mind that first dream, the second you returned to the waking world that you knew the image in words you hadn't had at the forefront of your memory. It was why you scrambled to search the texts for it.

It had been more then only a red raven, it was a raven with feathers looking as if it was utterly coated and dripping in blood. Two eyes only but red blood dripping from it, but the crow with three was black as any normal bird. That one you had seen more then twice, but you had even less of an idea what it was meant to symbolize.

Tormund had clearly been thinking on it for a while, responding to such description easily. “Never seen or heard a raven like that. You said it was beside this crow?” A nod from you with no other input you let him stew on whatever was coming together in his head. “No one's seen a three eyed crow before, either but north of the Wall I know plenty who've talked about it. Say it's some omen of black magic.”

No, you thought, you'd seen black magic. It was in blood and fire and horrible death. This was not the same at all. Leaning now against a stone wall, the only destination he had intended was privacy. Ghost circling around to near a corner where his eyes could ensure focus from every oncoming angle before turning his head to watch you intently. Tormund stood somewhat a few feet in front of you, most of the jesting act now dropped as he prodded your mind for detail.

“Is there any difference in seeing it with your own eyes or seeing it in a dream?”

Tormund however had a strange answer. “The only place anyone's seen a three eyed crow is in a dream. Long time ago, my people would talk about it but no one's ever lived long enough to find it.” A question of why on your lips and once more you felt lost. “Never met anyone whose survived that far north, or at least survived long enough to come back. Last one to try said was about fifty years ago.”

Nothing was said and yet it dawned in your mind. Lips parting a bit as you looked down to the snow across the ground. Looking up hoping it would transform into a vision you could make sense of, but only stone and more snow in such a place as you already were. “This last one wouldn't have happened to be a man of the Nights Watch would it?”

A single nod and you despised how every answer made less sense to the mysteries wrapping around your mind. “Lord Bloodraven. That was the other title he went by. That's what I was discussing with Edd, the Lord Commander around fifty years ago disappeared ranging north of the wall, and before that most remember him as Lord Bloodraven.”

Answers should feel relieving, not that of a heavy weight adding to the strain in your head begging to turn into a pounding agony. “So, some old Lord Commanders coming to you in a dream with a three eyed crow. Maybe he's trying to tell you the answers you're looking for are out there.”

Just as Tormunds head gestured to where the Wall stood high someway beside you both, did a third voice join the pair of you. Only this one was both loud and yet a deep rasping with little patience in the short tone attached to it. “Then she won't find them.”

As the larger one turned, your head rose with a wider look bright in them as Jon stood with his posture tense and rigid a few feet from you. Leathers across him yet even without anything warmer you somehow felt as if you still were colder in the winter air then he was. A glance with Tormund, Jons eyes harsh and just as intense as the air around him he nodded behind him. “I want a moment with her.”

Neither you nor Jon moved until the small alcove you stood in was now alone save for three, one of which came up to Jons side more energetic then before. A gloved hand ran over the side of Ghosts face as Jon muttered something low and affectionate in tone before both came over to you. Still leaning against a stone wall, your hands wrung together as if nerves sat within you.

Perhaps they did, but you couldn't quite figure out what was wrong. Or, that kept being the problem wasn't it? “How did you know I was over here?” Jon only flickering his eyes pointedly to Ghost before your lips parted in a curiosity. “Do you do that often?”

Hardly what you could call a shrug came from him, Jon closing the distance more and as soon as he stepped with an arms reach you felt his warmth already radiate into your skin. “Only when I'm worried about you.”

Tensity in the air seemed both out of existence from him and heavyset within your blood. A gloved hand reached out as he invaded the remainder of your personal space along your arm, his head leaned down a slight bit to meet closer to your eyes. But you hardly met his, glancing away prompting Jon to try and follow to keep up. “You don't need to be. I'm staying in the castle walls still.”

Your voice was a mumble, but you could tell the meekness seeped through, wishing you could curl in on yourself as his hand ran down your upper arm. “What do you-” Your eyes flickered up to meet his and the brightness in yours painted an insecure image that you knew looked bad on you. Jons voice dropped to what felt like pity, “Darling,”

His hand tried to reach up, gently brush your cheek and jaw to turn you to look at him but you almost flinched from the touch. A shake of your head as you mumbled, eyes casting downward to the black across his torso instead. “Ever since Moat Cailin..” Trailing off you wished you sounded more put together then your wavering tone did. “I know you don't trust me but I still don't understand. Not trusting me is one thing, but it's as if you don't even want me doing anything.”

The same gloved hand ran through the loose strands of your hair as Jon muttered your name low, but you avoided his gaze still further when he tried to make you look at him again. His breath hot as if brushed across your skin and if he was any closer you'd be able to feel his curls were they loose, brushing against you as well. “That's not what this is.”

Down further your eyes found instead of up, you could now see the pommel of Longclaw sat against his side. Your hand still wrung together in front of you. “I try to help you, you make me stop. I try looking into things about whats coming for us and you tell me not to. I try and figure out what's happening with these dreams and visions and you get angry with me when I explain I'm doing it to help you.” He was silent, but his hand still ran through the strands.

Jon sighed deeply, trying again to no avail to get you to look up at him, and even the tender rasp of your name didn't do the trick. His other hand found your hip as you continued to not reach out to him the same way. “I trust you more then anyone else-”

Shaking your head, you felt your limbs tense at the feeling in your throat. Don't do this now you thought, don't get emotional now of all times. If it was evident as you spoke, you weren't looking enough at Jons reaction to know if he caught it or not. “You don't. I know that, that I've ruined that. But it's as if you don't want my help at all. I don't even know why you let me come if you didn't want me here-”

Cupping your cheek properly Jon leaned in to make you face him, but your eyes still couldn't handle whatever was in those beautiful greys. “If could only have one person with me anywhere, it would always be you, no matter what. Where is this coming from?”

Did you even hear him? You didn't know, the noise in your head was loud and too nonsensical to make out genuine words when he was so close to you. He was too warm it wasn't fair. “Everything I try to do to help you, and you get angry with me for it. If you don't trust me to help you, Jon, I'd rather you be honest and say it because everything about these past few weeks says you'd trust nearly anyone before me. And I get it, I do, I ruined all of it but..”

You shook your head in the pause of your words, Jon now letting his other hand dance along your jaw trying to tilt you back to him but the watering sting behind your eyes only got worse.

“You won't let me do anything to try, I don't even know when I have any chances to gain your trust again because you keep telling me to stop.” He muttered your name but the red in your stinging eyes warmed part of your face and throat and you despised how pathetic it was you were upset over nothing again. You didn't have the right to be upset Jon didn't trust you.

An attempt to lean in had you turn your face away from his, not in malice or the sorts, but heavy on an insecurity that used to sit on the man before you, not you before him. “I trust you, I want you here by my side, but it isn't as simple as that right now-”

“Then tell me how to fix it.” A second or two did you meet Jons desperate gaze but you looked away again as the upset wavered with frustration. “Either I'm a terrible Queen, or I'm a terrible wife, but I don't know how to fix it if you won't let me.” In the mere moments it took Jon to reign in the shock forming across at the rawness in your words did you fill it with whatever noise sounded off louder in your head. “I'm scrambling to find any scrap of something to help you but maybe I'm making it worse, maybe you don't want me to help and I'm too blind to realize it.”

Did Jon say your name? You weren't sure, the noise in your head now blended with the racing of your heart and not at all did you have the awareness to know any tears had fallen down your cheeks. You still refused to look at him. “I'm constantly scared I'm ruining things in your life, and- fuck.” Cutting yourself off something more panicked waved through you as the noise in your head turned clearer so too voices you might have recognized.

If Jon did or said anything you missed it, pulling away from his touch as you felt the tears and the impending humiliation. Wrapping what was once his fur cloak around you more, you shook your head, tears freezing in the cold air. “I thought doing this in private was the better choice, since I was getting in your way but now I don't even know what to do at all. Somethings been wrong between us and I don't understand why.”

His hands reached your forearms from behind, running down them as Jons warmth enveloped your back as you spoke. “In the crypt you said that maybe you didn't know me anymore, but really I don't know you. You came back different, you became a different person in the time we were apart and all I did when I came back was get worse. Maybe I don't know you anymore and I'm only just catching onto that.”

The second Jon tried to comfort you, breath warm at the side of your head as he rasped your name. A gloved hand trying to dance along your person to reach your scar but you pulled away again, that new rough wave inside you upset as ever before. You felt a mess as he followed you with the same low tones hoping to reach your ear. “You've got it wrong, I'm trying to protect you.”

But the only way you seemed to think Jon decided to do that was to push you away. You barley stood at his side when discussing things that mattered anymore, he hardly gave you anything to do to help him and got upset when you did like you did now, and try to figure things out, out of his way. “You told me if I couldn't lead, you still wanted me to stand by you. But now all you do is tell me to stop, tell others to stop helping me when I'm trying to do things for you. I don't think there's been a single day for weeks you haven't looked at me like you hate that I'm in the way.”

Jons voice rose a bit as it was stern, but you tried to walk away from him and it raised even more so he could keep up. But all you heard was anger, your rational mind didn't know what else it could be indicating. “You're not in the way and nobody, including me thinks that you are. Ever since that night on the ship it's like you're convinced I want to get rid of you.”

Turning towards him, it took him back both the raise in your own voice but also how it did not match the more devastated look in your eyes. “Ever since that night you look at me like I've lost my mind, Jon. And the moment I try and figure out what's happening to me you make me stop. All I want to do is be someone you can be proud is at your side but maybe I'm too stupid to realize that all I'm good for really is warming your bed at night like a whore.”

Jons brows narrowed, lips parting slightly as he looked at you. Something darker sat behind his eyes, head turned to the side just a bit as if figuring something out as he tried to close the gap you created between you. It wasn't a judgment on his part you said it with, but the words themselves struck something in Jon that put him on a cliff's edge which you yourself, could not see was there. Opening his mouth to speak, he thought better of whatever the words were before throwing out a demand of your name. “Look at me.”

Whatever Jon saw when you did, it was something he didn't like but you couldn't stand here and find out, not with people around not when you were in a place that was nowhere near home to hide or find any comfort in. You would rather have turned around, been in Winterfell and sought comfort in your bed, but no- the bed was Jons. Not yours.

“My lovely bride, you wouldn’t have happened to play around with other men while you were gone were you?”

Ramsay was right. Stoneheart was right. You weren't anything anymore. You were a Queen, a leader at Robb's side but all you could manage at Jons was being a whore for his pleasure. And now you just tricked yourself into thinking marrying him would make that mean anything else.

“Fighting for my whore of a bride sounds like a wonderful idea.”

He should've let you go back. He should've just let you go back to Ramsay. You hadn't gotten any better since then but at least Ramsay wasn't a good man, you weren't bringing him down by being in his clutches.

You heard Jons voice close through the muffles of your mind, “Darling, I need you to listen to me-”

But you shook your head. Turning away from him, not bothering to hide that you were wiping the tears away before any out there could too see how pathetic you were. “I've kept enough of your time.”

Oh if only you could turn around and see how heartbroken the wide eyed expression in Jons eyes were at that one. The return to formality last seen only in the days of Castle Black but now you were so much more to him. But you didn't see any of that. And it made Jon mad.

He had worked so hard to help heal your mind, and suddenly the weight of the world and winter and these dreams and visions all but destroyed the progress you had made for him. It was starting to feel as if you were as lost as those first days you came back to him. But this time so much more was at stake if Jon couldn't fix it in time.

If you found out on your own now, Jon didn't want to know what you'd do. You had long walked away as his heart tore away at him, still standing there. He lost the chance to tell you the other night, and ever since Jon was trying to wait for the same perfect opportunity. But maybe you needed to know right now. Before you let the memory of Ramsay Bolton take you from Jon, back into his torment.

If he could have killed that man all over again, Jon would ensure this time was far bloodier. It would not be many months more until it marked a year since you escaped Ramsay, but some times it felt as if Jon kept losing you to him over and over again. Everytime you got better, Ramsay pulled you away from Jons love, back to make you hate yourself all over again.

If he were being honest, Jon was glad Gilly was back in Winterfell, otherwise he knew he'd have ended up all but rudely kicking her out of the room with little proper decorum. Instead, all which occurred was Sam nearly being ambushed as Jon both barrelled into the room and slammed the door shut behind him. Sams head jolting backward, “Jon?”

Words trapped in his throat Jons hands braced themselves against the desk Sam had been sitting at, head hung down as his jaw clenched through breaths asking to painfully heave. Before he could be asked anything else in checking, Jon all but hissed your name out, eyes closed knowing he had to say it out loud to someone before he said it to you tonight.

“Ah, now I must admit, when they told me I'd be given a watch partner I didn't expect someone as important as yourself to do so.” Many times since meeting again, Thoros's voice was grating and irritating as it was preachy.

Only now as you slowly approached, hair blowing back in the high winds and all but clutching the fur around you to cover your front you hadn't yet met his gaze. No, instead it was the green wavering in the far distance on the North you saw first.

Once more in the winds the only sound, did Thoros break that peace. Softer in tone and a weight behind it that he was not often heard with. “Mesmerizing isn't it?” Your head titled just a little bit to indicate you were listening. “I know, for everything I stand for, I'm the last person who should admit that, but it is. Hard to take your eyes off it once you see it the first time.”

The green truly was something else. Nothing but fear and horror has become you in the world of red and fire and yet the shimmering green against snow and ice was what drew you in so naturally. Neither of you spoke for a moment, Thoros leaned against one wall and you standing with both feet facing the far North with wide eyes.

By the time your voice spoke, Thoros had almost given up expecting conversation.

“She's pregnant.”

It took a good number of seconds and an entirely blank stare for the information to register to Sam, but the moment it did he shook his head out of the pause with a distinguished, “Huh?”

Jon's eyes were wide, something more vulnerable then Sam had seen in them for a very long time but it was there and Jon couldn't hide it. Repeating your name, there was something almost painful in the way Jon had to force it out. “She's pregnant. Around three weeks, she doesn't know.”

For the second time, Sam was at the disadvantage and had to be the one walked through things. “She- but- how would you know and she doesn't?” Only for a wide eyed and open mouthed realization to come over him, “Ghost. Ghost could probably sense it and if you went inside his head, then you could sense it.” The moment Sam begun a congratulations in his voice he stopped himself with another question instead. “Wait, she doesn't know. You haven't said anything to her?”

Grey eyes almost shining brighter then the firelight around the room, Jon felt nothing of the firm strength and resolve a King was expected to have. He felt more like a boy playing at leadership then truly one himself. “Sam, she's a mess. Everything the past two years and I managed to get her pregnant at one of her lowest points since I've seen her again.” Only the two of them in the room, Jon almost begged for the sun to go down already as if the night sky could hide such raw ramblings.

“You said it never gets any better.”

Still not facing him, you knew Thoros had heard you, but you elaborated anyways as you looked out to the green against the pitch black night sky. “In the dungeons, you told me it never gets any better. This feeling. What did you mean?”

He almost chuckled to himself, looking down to his feet before pushing off the wall to stand where you were precariously close to the edge of a mighty drop. “Five years it's been since the Lord granted me the ability to bring Beric back to the light. And in those five years I never thought I would meet a soul who would understand what such power feels like. Beric doesn't know, he never will. Coming back in comparison to bringing another back is easy. But us?” He whistled dramatically in the air. “There isn't a word in any language here or across the Narrow Sea that could describe what it feels like to someone who doesn't already know.”

The wind was bitter around your face but it kept you awake and reminded you that you at least had not yet taken a step too far and plunged to the ground. Far away your gaze was looking and so was the voice which matched your distant mind. “How do to handle it? Feeling everyday like you're so close to losing your mind, only to have that feeling double the next day and the next?”

A laugh from Thoros that time did not come across as genuine. Morose, macabre, but nothing in a genuine amusement as the wind almost mattered not around the two of you in something you had long since avoided speaking of.

He sounded more serious then most likely knew his whole life, “Well personally I drink a lot, but something tells me you haven't quite taken after your uncle in that regard.” Your eyes only then peeled to meet his, and there was a hint of a jest in there that was genuine. A person did still exist in the mess of him somewhere, so where was yours?

Tilting his head to implore him, Sam lowered his voice to something a bit more calming. “Jon, I don't really think many people get pregnant when the time is only perfect. Look at Gilly, she spent most of her time thinking I was never coming back, only for Karl and Rast to kill her father and take her home days after giving birth. Spent the first few months of Sam's life with me on the march back to the Wall.”

Sighing out deeply, Jon dropped his gaze. Jaw clenched as was his hands tensing against the wood, eyes slipping closed to try and think clearer. “This is different, Sam. I used to have visions of her, dreams of her. I'd see things that all came true of her, not realizing she was seeing me and now it's even stronger. Now she's almost living through memories that don't belong to her and she's going to make herself sick trying to figure it out to help me.”

“You used to-”

Pushing off the table Jon ran a hand over his mouth, the sight still came to him in his sleep sometimes. He'd wake up and all but throw the furs off the two of you to look you over to make sure you were alright. “I dreamt of the night she died. It was the last vision I ever saw of her. On the ground, soaked in her own blood and I kept watching her die over and over again. Then she came back to me, escaped the Boltons, came back to me and brought me back from the dead, Sam.”

Turning back once more Jon knew he looked almost like a wondering boy with fantasies then a man, a King discussing the complexities of his Queen. “She's done more to help me in that one day then I've ever wanted to ask of her, but I don't know how to get it through her head. Everytime I try, it's like she's afraid I'm lying to her or tricking her. Like somewhere inside her, she's scared she's going to wake up and be right back with Ramsay instead of me.”

He couldn't have that. The similarities were all too horrifying. Jon needed a way to get through to you before you were scared you had to have this child because you thought he expected it. Ramsay would've, it was the only reason he wanted you. He wanted you to give him an heir the way Rhaegar only wanted Jons mother to give him a third child. Jon couldn't have the first of your family together start off with those fears still swimming in your head, he couldn't.

Jon knew he's wanted to give you a child since your first night together. He had spilled inside of you secretly begging the gods to let it take, and then when it didn't Jon had to pretend he wasn't completely disappointed. It was far safer for your honour to wait, but that didn't change that Jon had wanted this a long time. Every single time he brewed you moontea he hated it, he wanted to throw it all into the fire and just take you twice more to ensure his seed took deep all over again.

But you came back to life so desperately alone, only to be told your only purpose in this new life was to be used for a child and nothing more. Not to get in the way, do as you were told and have a son and that was all you were needed for. He didn't want you to think that, and it slipped out in the air with Sam before he could contain the thoughts. “I don't want her thinking I did this on purpose.”

Sam though, had spent a good moment looking at him. Not with judgment or searching of guilt, but seeking a genuine raw honesty they both knew was sitting so close to the surface. “Did you?”

The truth between you two was strange. Not a man you ever would once think you'd care to have something in common with and yet at the frozen edge of the world, you and Thoros of Myr were the only ones who understood the turmoil of it all. The conflict. Beric could speak of doing what was told of him for the cause, but he didn't know what it felt like to be the reason it could happen.

Softly, you spoke out in a breathless sentence. “He doesn't understand. Jon tells me he needs me, but he doesn't get it. Not truly. He doesn't know what it feels like to realize your only purpose is him, that you wouldn't be here without him, you'd either be dead or live walking without cause if he weren't still here. That if you lost him, you'd lose the only reason to stay anymore.” Thoros was quiet as you spoke, and there was an eternal gratefulness in you that the night was too dark and wind to strong to see the watering behind your eyes.

“I'm not defending what happened, but you left him once and it brought you to us. And that brought him back to you. Maybe it's the Lord maybe it isn't, but it wasn't only someone elses plans against you, it wasn't vengeance. The only souls in this world who understand what it's like and we were supposed to come together. Beric doesn't understand why I have to bring him back everytime, but I'm willing to wager that if something happened to your King, you'd do everything then more to bring him back.”

Slowly you nodded, and Thoros did too. Bringing something up to his lips before handing it over to you. Turning with a raised eyebrow to the skin in his hand he clarified, “Black strap rum, courtesy of your fathers bannermen.”

Brows narrowing in hesitancy, you accepted it but the moment you opened the cap you glanced with more of a doubting glare. It took but one sip for you to cough before it even went down. A real laugh left him that time, grabbing you by the back of your cloak to keep you steady with one hand as his other went to take it back with a mighty sip for himself. You muttering out as he did so, “That is utterly vile.”

“You don't drink it for the flavour. But we still have time before they come, don't we?” Both of you looking to the green. “We'll find something for you to cope before then. Plenty of ways to self destruct.”

Taken back for a moment Jon asked Sam to repeat himself. “Did you get her pregnant on purpose?”

Jon almost couldn't hide his self doubt. He hadn't even considered that until that moment, but, what else was the alternative? Of course he wanted to get you pregnant, he's wanted that since the moment he came back. But he wouldn't get anything out of coming to Sam with this by lying. “I've always wanted her to be the mother of my children. Part of me hoped it took the night we were together, that first night in Castle Black..”

Opening his mouth to speak, Sam stopped with wider more playful eyes that in an instant had Jon turn inward knowing what was coming. “Oh. You two were...” Searching playfully for the right word he raised his eyebrows at Jon. “Intimate? The night she brought you back? You were that eager, were you?”

Turning away almost in a fidget, Jon rolled his eyes back knowing now he was moving far too much to be casual and both men knowing how much Sam was starting to enjoy teasing Jon about you. Almost mumbling Jon barley got out, unsure if he should even admit it. “I had her naked minutes after I first saw her in front of me.”

Leaning against the table he smirked at Jon, “And you're worried that after what? Nine months? That now is too soon to get her pregnant? By the sounds of it you'd be over the moon if she had right away.” Jon pushed off the table, pacing along the room with nerves once more. “Jon.” Turning halfway to look, Sam had dropped the mocking. “My point is, you've known each other since you were children. You snuck around with her for six years, and now you're married. It's normal for a man to try and get his wife pregnant. You didn't want children because you didn't want them to be bastards, now they won't be. They'll just be yours, and she knows that too. She's going to figure it out eventually.”

Hand running over is face Jon felt the nerves mix with exhaustion and it felt as it it boiled inside of him into something dizzying. “It's just..I hate not being able to help her with this..Ramsay's dead and I still can't make him go away for her..”

Soft as ever, both men looked at one another more vulnerable then some ever let themselves open up in a lifetime. “You can't force her to get better, Jon. You can only show her you'll always be there no matter how long it takes or how hard it gets.” Nodding, Jons head hung for a moment trying to ease his heart into slowing down enough to settle his breathing. “Trust me, it took Gilly and I a lot of work to get to where we are now. You two have known each other for way longer then that, you shouldn't be worse then me at this when you're talking to your own wife.”

“Thoros.”

Turning behind you, the nerves picked up in such a quick instant that you were grateful your hands were already clutched at the furs around you. Harder to see in the dark that way you almost flinched. But Jon stood there up on the so far, empty Wall as if he hadn't relaxed since you last saw him one bit, only having put the dark warm furs around him that blended so well with everything else on him like it was made as such.

Glancing to you for only a moment, Jon directed a quiet but respectful attention back to the man beside you. “I'll take over for you tonight, get some rest.”

A question formed in Thoros's eyes but he nodded. “Much appreciated, your grace.” Not quite passing you by, the slightly slicker Jons eyes slid down to the skin of what you now knew was rum before watching as the man turned the corner eventually to where the lift was.

By the time Jon had turned back, you once more were looking out to the shimmering sea of green against the night sky. Instead of a respectful stance next to you, Jon spared no time in coming up to your back. Not giving you the chance at pulling or pushing him away, Jon wrapped an arm around your front to pull you back into him. The other gloved hand raising up, across your neck to tilt your head enough to the side Jon could partially rest his forehead somewhat against yours.

You could feel him relaxing right away as your own hands came up. One somewhat finding the hand on your stomach, and the other grasping at what you could of his forearm. The wind between you both was cold, loud, and yet so much more peaceful then how you left him hours ago. And you voiced it as such, knowing you had to step up. “I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. I was out of line, and I'm so sorry.”

Sighing deep, you didn't blame him for it. You wouldn't take your apology either.

Instead of replying, Jon adjusted his hand to press yours against the scar over all the layers at your stomach before once again covering it and your hand with his own in the same spot. A gentle rasp in your ear had your eyes fluttering shut briefly at the soothing sensation. “I'm going to say something, and I need you to listen. No arguing, no anything. Just listen.”

You nodded, and for once Jon accepted that as enough for now.

Almost murmuring in your ear, you could feel the faint traces of his curls which fell loose dance across your skin as his thumb rubbed along your jaw. “Everything that's happening, you want to be there for it, help me fight it. But you keep going through waves of being alright and then this, because you refuse to admit you're still scared of him.”

You hated that you knew who he was talking about, and you hated that he was right.

You felt Jons breath dance along your skin as if the feeling itself made it easier to listen. “I let Ramsay say what he said, because no matter what, he had the right to say whatever he wanted his final words to be. But I was wrong about one thing. I should never have let you be there. I should've kept you away, beacuse ever since I took his head all you've been able to do is hear those final words over and over again.”

Shaking your head in denial, you managed to get out just the start of his name as he shushed you quiet again. Pulling you closer to his chest, almost nuzzling what he could reach of your head with his. “No, I know you have. You don't want it to be, but over and over again I know he's still there in your head. You went through hell with him, and I know you've been lying to me about the things he did. Trying to pretend it wasn't as bad as it was.”

Frozen to the spot, you thought for only a second when you realized it. “What are you talking about?”

It was Jons turn to shake his head, pressure on your scar against your hand Jon even closer mumbled into your ear. “I know he did things, made you do things that I never even could've imagined, and I know you don't want me to know because of how you think it'll look. But it doesn't change anything between us. You're scared he's right, that after all he did I won't want you, or I pity you. But he doesn't know me. Never has, and now he never will. Ramsay has no say in how much I will always love you, so I need you to understand me when I say I won't let him come between us anymore.”

You wanted to hide the watering in your eyes, but you had a strong feeling Jon was watching for it anyways. Stuttering barley a breath out, “Jon..everything in my head just feels..it's all wrong.”

Jon however, just kissed he side of it, before kissing the skin just under your ear. Breath hot against you, “Trust me, darling. It isn't just you. You're scared of disappointing me and proving Ramsay right, I'm scared of terrifying you into not wanting anything to do with me beacuse I'm too intense for you now.” Trying to protest in his own defence, Jon continued over your words. “For a year I thought you were dead, and for three and a half years before that you were married to my brother. And the first thing I did when I saw you alive in front of me was strip you naked and fuck you. And if we're being honest with each other, when I spilled inside you that night I was trying not to force you stay on my cock until it took.”

Pushing more against your scar, Jon almost smiled at the small gasp which left you. Looking to the green, but suddenly all you could see within it's shimmer was as if it reflected both you and Jon was you were now in it's sights. “Maybe it would've been easier if it had.” Jon silent, allowing you to elaborate on the thought before it left you. “Something Cersei told me, that if a woman has nothing in her life, she should treasure her child, hold onto one thing that's theirs, that makes sense if only to them.”

A hum vibrated through Jons chest into you, running his thumb more over your hand at your stomach before rasping, “You don't have nothing. You have me, you have your people, your family, you have everything right here waiting for you. And I'll help you however long it takes to get through that beautiful head, that you're allowed to not be alright. I don't want you to get better for anyone sake but your own. But you need to accept that you can't push this all down and pretend that's dealing with it, because now it's only hurting you more.”

As if every inch which Jon could reach of you was warm against the cold winds desperate to sting at the skin exposed. You leaned back almost more to hide from it without committing to turning away. A low murmur only he could hear, as your heart somehow did not beat yet raced all the same. “I haven't felt like myself since I've come back. I don't know if I ever will. I wanted to still give you the version of myself you fell in love with.”

Another large sigh left Jon, but the tone was creeping easier and easier back into being identifiable the more you relaxed against him. His voice low in your ear without ever wanting to move. “I was in love with you when I first caught a glance of you across the yard.” A small smile evident even when you could not see it on him. “I told you, we belong together. You can't get rid of me, and I'll never want you to. I want you by my side, but I'm not asking you to do the work. You're by my side because I love you, that's your job. Be the woman I love, and just let me love you for it.”

Almost giving you a tiny shake, you still managed to miss the brightness in his eyes shine with a smile as you huffed out a laugh. Your heart steadying a little calmer, “Sounds strange to say, but despite everything, life was so much easier when I was with child. We were in the middle of a war, but suddenly the only thing I was supposed to do was what I was raised my whole life to do. Marry a man and have his children, not very complicated it was.”

The whisper in your ear was almost insecure, “Were you happy?” A hum of question left your throat as he clarified. “When you were pregnant, being easy doesn't mean it made you happy. Were you?”

Your eyes narrowed for a small moment as you connected a few dots in your head, the fog clearing a bit more then it had felt for days leaving clues you otherwise missed. A soft smile fell over you, “I was married to a man I loved, and was going to have his child. Of course I was happy. But just beacuse we haven't gotten to the second part of that yet, Jon, doesn't mean it's for a lack of trying. You of all people should know that.” His chuckle pinged at your heart, it always did. “I'm not trying to deny you this, but it took Robb and I two years to get there.”

Only, the conversation you were expecting, wasn't what Jon approached it as. “It won't take two years, I promise.” A confused tilt of your head somewhat, you asked what he meant. Jon, spoke with the confidence of a man who knows what he wants, and suddenly the pressure of his touch against your scar made you lightheaded as he murmured to you. “I stopped brewing you moontea the night we married. It's only taken you and I two months. Not years.”

You were confused, trying to grasp what he was trying to say and- you knew Jon sensed the moment you figured it out. His hold on you was suddenly tight as if trying to keep you comfortingly close and to not let you move away. Your name came carefully from his lips, but you only stood wide eyed.

No longer even seeing the green, you only had one sense and it was the pressure of your hand trying to feel under all your layers. You...two months..the fortnight passed you had started this feeling. It was then you knew something in your head felt wrong but it wasn't that. Only, it was. Your emotions had been all over the place last time, needy, angry, on edge, you were more volatile then usual and you didn't understand why your head felt such a mess.

This time there was simply a bit of a pre existing mess it had to fight for attention with.

Previously you had worried you'd be a mess, conflicted and upset..but you had long moved passed that by now. You knew that, you had been ready the night you let Jon take you on Dragonstone. Yet, without that turmoil of conflict in your soul, you almost didn't know how to react, what to feel this time. Your voice barley there. “How did you-”

Jon luckily read the words in question. “Ghost can sense things we can't. He figured it out right away, I didn't until I was inside his head.” The cold winds no longer flew mindlessly by, it almost seemed to wrap around your limps and cocoon you in a sensation of something frozen to the spot without the sting of the temperature on your skin.

Your fingertips dug into what you could feel of the scar over everything and your heart lept from your chest and out to the world beyond. Almost echoing the words spoken some three years ago but not with quite the same joy, but an exasperated insecurity. “Why would you keep this from me?”

Turning your head moreso to the side, Jon rested his close enough he could almost lean down to nudge your nose with his. Nothing but patience poured from him. “If you haven't noticed, darling, your a bit all over the place lately. I didn't want to tell you while you were upset. I didn't want you to think-”

In what once might have allowed such insecurity to show in your tone, instead it was knocked back and downward by a hint of what could've been guessed was a smile. “You worried I'd feel pressured into it.” A nod was all you got from Jon, but letting your eyes slip closed, you found the bravery in you regardless. Reaching one arm backward, best you could you wrapped it moreso around the back of his neck, resting half along the skin you found there and half in the warm fur around him. Jon moved either closer into your back, or pulled you further into his embrace but his grip grew tighter once more. “I suppose it's only fair. I kept it from Robb, and you kept it from me.”

Were his heart not so heavy in his chest, Jon might have found it in him to chuckle. Instead you heard him roughly forcing a voice back out to the world in low, deep tones. “I know this isn't the life you dreamed of,” Wishing his grip wasn't so tight, you'd have turned to face him by now. Only this time you senses he was now the one hiding from you in a way.

Before the unsure feeling coming from on Jon could continue, you did what he seemed to be so good at with you. “Jon, the past is the past. I can't go back and wish I could change it now. You're my future now, and so the life I dream of is whatever we decide.”

He didn't say anything for a bit and neither did you. It wasn't the perfect portrait of a normal, joyous couple with such celebrating news, but perhaps that wouldn't suit you both. Not anymore. But surprisingly it was you who broke the quiet. The heavy weight you were so sure would burden you down with, it wasn't there. Not really.

You had made your peace with the life you lost, now it was the tormenting start of your new life plaguing your mind. But that shouldn't ruin this, they had no right being connected. “I believe that makes what? Four vows I've helped you break?”

Jon all but hid his face in your neck, muffled voice vibrating against you. “My father would be disappointed.”

Moving your hand back, you tried to keep him gently against you as much as you could manage from here. Leaning your head against his, there was the confidence in your voice to placate his insecure ones just as Jon would do for yours so often. “You are everything in a son a father could ask for. And I know yours is proud of you. He's always was proud, and he still is of who you've become. As is your mother.”

His hand over yours on your stomach tightened. After everything Jon had done to bring you back down to earth, he now was the one who didn't have the words anymore. But you didn't need him too. He wanted to focus on you as you did him.

And you knew Jon had forgotten, he lived an entire life thinking this would be something he would or could never have. He was so worried about how you'd react, you were starting to think it wasn't until right now Jon let himself truly feel something raw about it. But you'd let him take his time, just like he had with you. There was much to do come morning, but for now, the rest of the world and it's plights didn't get to exist. Not between you both, not right now.

Until the morning sun finally raised it's weary head, there was nothing up on the top of the Wall except you, Jon, and the new growing life he gifted you, against the otherworldly sight of a shimmering green winter sky.

[mochinomnoms]

I have no one to share this thought with, that's why I want to express it somewhere. In fact, I'm a newbie in the Twisted Wonderland fandom, but while I'm currently playing through the game (or rather the plot), I have one such question and dissonance. No matter how you look at it, the characters in the game communicate rather unpleasantly with the main character, I wonder what would have happened if the main character had reacted adequately, calmly, coldly and judiciously, that is, essentially not giving in to Crowley's manipulations. It would have been much more interesting to see this in the main character, because it becomes somehow awkward for me to watch how he is manipulated. Moreover, the characters' attitude towards him at the beginning was also rather unpleasant, well, until they became friends there. To some extent, I would like to see the main character as a realist who understands that he ended up in a world he doesn't understand, the director does nothing at all to bring him home, while the attitude of others towards him is simply disgusting. It just seemed at some point that the main character of the game resigned himself to the fact that he was staying in the world of Twisted Wonderland. Well, if it were me (I'm a realist), I would have looked for all possible methods myself, but to return home. This seems to me to be a much more adequate approach to such a turn of events. The question is, will other characters grieve because the adequate main character went back to his world (let's say he found a way to return back)? Perhaps these very close friends, namely Ace, Deuce and Grimm, who really were friends of the main character, will grieve greatly, the rest... Well, this is strictly my opinion, but it doesn't seem like the majority will simply not care.

P.S. Да, я тот человек, который смотрит реальности в глаза, а не смотрит на мир через розовые очки. Я встретил достаточно жестокости в своей жизни и... Вот почему меня раздражает, когда я вижу глупых персонажей, смирившихся со своей участью.

To be honest, the way you're explaining how you'd personally act in Yuu's situation is most likely how most people would react, so I don't see anything particularly wrong with it.

The way the player acts in-game is probably done so because if they acted accordingly, there probably wouldn't be a game, lol. Or at the very least a vastly different game. That's what makes fics so fun though, you are bound to find one that aligns with what you think would really happen, or just find one that's fun lol. Though, I personally don't see canon Yuu as just resigning themselves as much as they're super flexible and go with the flow. There are points in the game that Yuu is a bit snappy or blunt, and lines from the characters on the homescreen especially that point to the player being cheeky, a troublemaker, and touchy with the characters,

I do think more than just ADeuce and Grim would be sad about Yuu leaving though, Malleus is very close to the player, mostly because he's fascinated by their lack of reaction to who he is. Even if Yuu was more of a realist when meeting him, he's so fascinated (and starved for genuine friendship) that he's delighted by almost any version of Yuu. Kalim is also a sweetie, so he's gonna be upset as well, even if Yuu is just an acquaintance. At the very least, I would include Jack with the first three just because he seems fond enough of Yuu to let himself get “dragged” (he went willingly, lol) into their troubles during Book 3. The rest of the cast I think you can argue for as long as you get through their books, I think Pomefiore especially after Book 6.

But it's late and i don't have many thoughts left, so I'll end it there lol.

(also im sorry hon i don't know what the last bit is, i only speak english and spanish haha)

[shepherds-of-haven]

I have done my due diligence as a ShoH fan and scoured the blog and Patreon for the answer to this. Searching for every term I can think of that might yield me the answer I seek, and reading all of the Q&As (yes, every single one), yet to my shock it seems no one has asked an all important question: How weak are the Shepherds - including Halek - to MC's puppy eyes? If it isn't too much trouble, it would be lovely to know in both the crushing and relationship stages. Thank you so much! You are awesome and I love this game so much! <3 (The closest I've come to finding an answer is from this Ask A Character Day from 2018 for Blade: https://www.shepherdsofhaven.com/post/181334587366)

Ooh thank you so much for your diligence, I really commend it!! 🙏💖 I also found this one, but you're right in that it seems like this question hasn't been answered before! :) I don't think there's much difference between crushing and relationship stage for this one, so I'll just answer in general:

Blade: 8/10 effectiveness, probably 9/10 in a relationship? It really depends on what the scenario is! If MC is in a shop and is like "I really want this but I'll need to store it in a communal closet because it won't fit in my room 🥺", he might put up a token resistance or try to point out why it's a bad idea, but he'd fold pretty quickly under the pressure of the puppy eyes and be like "tch........... fine" like 8-9 out of 10 times lol! He might make a big show of buying it for them and carrying it for them and setting it up for them with a long-suffering world-weariness or exasperation/annoyance/reluctance (like 😑), but anyone who knows him well enough would know it's just theater and he's just trying to act tough to mask the fact that he's happy to make MC happy LOL. However, puppy eyes wouldn't work in more serious scenarios, like things that would make him truly uncomfortable or break the rules or put MC in danger, things like that!

Trouble: 10/10 effectiveness, he pretty much folds instantly to whatever MC wants anyway, they don't even really need to use puppy eyes because he'll move heaven and earth to do whatever they ask anyway LOL

Tallys: 5/10 effectiveness, Tallys thinks the puppy eyes are cute and she tends to be indulgent towards MC, but I don't think the eyes themselves would be what sways her opinion on something one way or another?

Shery: 10/10 effectiveness, Shery is already eager to please MC so the eyes would just KO her and make her look away and blush! They probably wouldn't even really be necessary, I can't think of any scenario where MC would have to beg/plead/persuade Shery of anything she wasn't already willing to do for them lol, unless you're a MONSTER who takes advantage of her kindness by making her do your paperwork for you or something...

Chase: hmm I'm not sure about this one: I can't think of any scenarios where Chase would deny MC something in the first place, he seems usually happy to indulge them in whatever they want? Like if they're like "could you buy this 🥺?" done. "could you do me this favor? 🥺" sure, sure, sunshine, anything for you. He just has a general attitude of lax, benevolent indulgence and an easygoing "sure why not, i don't give a fuck about consequences" mode of being, so I don't really know of any times when MC would have to use puppy eyes on him. He's already going to agree to most anything you want! So I guess... is this like a 9/10 or 10/10 scenario? I just feel like the puppy eyes themselves don't have any effect on whether he'll say yes or not lol, he'll think it's an amusing expression but not all that necessary?

Riel: 2/10. he has no respect for the puppy dog eyes. If you want to persuade him of something, use your words, or outmaneuver him and outsmart him or something! Relying solely on a manipulative, watery-eyed look like that's going to change his feelings on the matter is half-insulting. He'd rather you try to manipulate him in other ways LOL he'd find that more respectable! He's more inclined to say no if you do use puppy dog eyes purely to discourage further use of them! 😂 But I'll still give it a 2 because there are still some times it might work lol

Red: 7/10 crushing? He's pretty susceptible to the puppy dog eyes and liable to cave to them, but not so much so that they're always guaranteed to make him budge. He'll have to look away and grit his teeth and put up a resistance, but he is capable of doing so if he thinks there's a more reasonable course of action to things! Then again, he is also pretty susceptible to peer pressure and campaigns of persuasion, so maybe this is really an 8/10? Funnily enough, I feel like the effectiveness might decrease once in a relationship, because by then he'll have built up an immunity to MC's tricks lol!

Ayla: 6/10, she's pretty stubborn but also finds MC pretty cute and hard to resist and also doesn't have much experience in resisting puppy dog eyes in general! I can imagine MC looking at her from a vendor's stall like "🥺 we could buy these fish and move them into our room..." and Ayla would bare her teeth like "RRrgrgARRRHG FINE." Like experiencing cute aggression lol. But it wouldn't work every single time, and would really depend on what the situation is, so that's why it's a 6!

Briony: 9/10, she's sobbing and crying in the face of MC's puppy dog eyes like "😭😭 okay!!! whatever you want!!!" She'd find them very hard to resist and is usually happy to do what MC wants, anyway!

Lavinet: 5/10? I think she'd be more susceptible to puppy dog eyes if they were coming from friends, but from her romantic partner, I don't think they would have much sway on her opinions or decisions; she'd probably just pat his cheek and be like, "That's cute... but my mind is made up, darling!" It just doesn't seem to have much effect on her, but she's usually happy to indulge MC anyway, especially if it's important enough for them to ask her about it, so the puppy eyes typically aren't even necessary!

Halek: 8/10? As we can see in Chapter 8.5, when MC literally simpers at him to carry them across a puddle... It's pretty effective when he likes you (though he'll roll his eyes and groan and grumble and grump about it), but it's actually a huge turn-off if he doesn't like you or doesn't know you that well!

Thank you for your very kind words and for the question! :)

[mirai-e-jump]

Animage October 2023 Issue ft. Aoto Watanabe Interview (translation below)

Publication: September 8, 2023 (between episodes 27-28)

"I'm on Top!"

Born and raised in the slums, Yanma Gast ascended to the throne with just his computer. He's the "President," who's earned the respect of the nation, or rather of his friends, for his passionate way of life. N'Kosopa has had a history of being forced to work as Shugoddam's supplier. Standing at the top is Yanma, who isn't afraid of any opponent.

"I won't flatter or bow down to you. Regardless of who my opponent is, I'll beat them down with guts and brains!"

It's his core belief

Charging down the path he believes in, Yanma claims to be a king of knowledge, and is by no means an bad person. He has the insight to see through both Gira's role as an "evil king" and Racules's true intentions. He's compassionate, someone who at times will subtly care for his friends, at other times, he'll show off a mature attitude. He's an exceptional engineer who's developed weapons such as the Ohger Calibur, and the mechanical lifeforms know as Shugod's. His many strengths are his main appeal.

The battle against the new enemy, Uchu King, is bound to be fiercer than ever. Yanma's engineering abilities, superior brains, and his belief to not give into anyone or anything will be a great source of strength for the royal Sentai.

-The cool things about Yanma, who can respect others-

"It's now been about half a year since the the start of the broadcast, how do you feel?"

Watanabe: Each day was long, but looking back, it felt like it went by in an instant, it's a strange feeling. I suddenly realized that we're halfway through filming, and every 5 episodes feel like the climax of the show, so now I'm thinking, "What's going to happen in the next 20 episodes?" (laughs).

"Since filming began, has your impression of Yanma changed at all?"

Watanabe: I felt that he was more friendly towards other people than I originally thought. As I'd said in one of my lines, I think that Yanma's stance is that he does what he wants to do, and only follows those who want to follow him. In the end, they all unite, and while I thought he didn't like helping others out, in episode 7, he talks about how friends should be, saying, "It doesn't matter if you're in the middle of a fight, you lend a hand when things get tough, and when it's done, you get back to fighting." Recently, there have been more scenes in which he offers alittle more help to the other kings, and I see him as someone who's opened up and discovered new sides to himself. For example, in the film, he tells Rita what he thinks, but when Rita says that they don't think the same way, Yanma backs off. Don't force your opinions onto others, and maintain a certain distance. I like the respect he has for the others. I also like the fact that Yanma isn't stubborn, and is able to accept other people's ideas, being flexible even if he thinks differently. Even though he has his own path, in order to follow it, he needs to think about things with an open mind, and see things from different perspectives. That's why he was able to come this far from nothing, and I feel that he's the type of person who'll grow the most in this world.

"In terms of his relationship with the other kings, he told Kaguragi in episode 17, "You'd never go along with anyone. In fact, that makes you more trustworthy"

Watanabe: In a way, that exchange with Kaguragi was cool, because it conveyed some good things about him.

"Furthermore, your relationship with Gira, Hymeno and Jeramie seems to be mutual ones.

Watanabe: That's right. Kaguragi and Rita are the type to put boundaries between themselves and others, so there's a sense of keeping a distance from them, on the other side, Gira and Hymeno are more direct. When it comes to Jeramie, I want to continue to be on equal terms with him. Jeramie comes off as rather cute, so I think we can have a relationship where Yanma pulls him along. But, what Jeramie has gone through is something we can't even imagine. So, I want to have a relationship with Jeramie where I can fight along side him in a normal way, to become alittle annoyed with him if he says something wrong, and to have a strong sense of respect for him. This is shown when we fistbump in episode 19, which is one of my favorite scenes.

"Is there anything you're conscious of in presenting the relationship between Shiokara and the others members of N'Kosopa?"

Watanabe: Honestly, I rarely discussed things like acting with them. Especially with Akka, Usuba, and Mayuta, I try not to get too close since those 3 have a relationship that is to follow Yanma's lead. Shiokara, played by (Yuhei) Chiwata-san, plays a more central role, and I'll see him thinking up his performance, but, he never bothers to tell me what he's going to do, and he doesn;t ask what we're going to do. Everyone just tries doing what they like when it comes to the performance.

"What was the most memorable interaction with Hirotsugu Mori-san, TomboOhger's suit actor?"

Watanabe: It didn't happen on set, but the first time we went out for drinks together was very memorable. Mori-san is a very sociable person, so we became good friends right away. We went out for drinks and both talked about how we got into King-Ohger, and what we wanted to do as Yanma, we talked so much that before we knew it, 5 hours had gone by (laughs). I'm not the best at socializing with other people, so I was really surprised by the fact that we had endless conversations during our first drinks together, and was impressed that we actually talked for 5 hours.

"It seems exactly like having a like minded partner."

Watanabe: Yeah. I felt like Mori-san created that kind of atmosphere.

"How is it doing the dub for TomboOhger?"

Watanabe: I think it's very difficult to perform using only my voice. In the beginning, when I would hear my own voice in the broadcast, I would sometimes think it lacked abit of energy or that it just didn't sound like Yanma. Now, I'm more conscious of performing while moving my body, throwing in more hand gestures than normal, and speaking in a lower tone.

-Interactions with children who reaffirmed his starting point-

"Do you have any memorable events, such as the stage greeting for the film?"

Watanabe: I was happy to be able to feel the enthusiasm of the audience. I usually spend time filming on site, so I only had a chance to see people's reaction by looking at their feedback online. When I actually saw the audience in person, it really felt like, "These people are happy to see us." In general, children don't get to post their feedback online, do they? Of course, I was happy to see the reactions of adults, but I was most excited for the children due to the fact that I myself watched Sentai as a child. When we were doing highfives, some children would come running up to me with their eyes sparkling, while others would be too nervous to look me in the eyes. When I was a kid, I was also the shy type, so I felt like I was looking at my younger self. I recognized that, "I'm acting for the sake of these kids," and it gave me more motivation for future filming.

"We're sure there'll be more opportunities to appear at events in the future, and we hope you'll be able to make more wonderful memories. Please tell us about your favorite episode so far, or what episode you have fond memories of."

Watanabe: It changes every time (laughs). If I had to pick, the scenes where everyone assembles are most memorable. The scene in episode 5 where the five of us finally stood side by side was very exciting, as we'd been playing our roles since the audition. There's the scene in episode 10 where we call for Legend King-Ohger, and I also liked the scene in episode 19 where all of us transform together. Things started out with just Gira and me, but then Hymeno, Kaguragi, Rita, and finally Jeramie, we grew one by one, and the process of seeing our group formation up close was probably why it's so memorable.

"Other than your role as Yanma, if you could name your favorite character, who would it be?"

Watanabe: For me, I'm a fan of Hymeno. I feel that the charisma Hymeno possesses is similar to that of Yanma's. Yanma gains allies by just doing whatever he wants, while Hymeno gets people to follow her through being selfish. I myself admire such people, and think it's cool that she's a loner, or rather, that she's selfish and doesn't follow others. I've always been more attracted to strong female characters who are willing to go ahead, rather than stand behind and offer support.

"Speaking of which, at the press conference to announce the film, you mentioned that your first love was Jasmine (DekaYellow) from "Tokusou Sentai Dekaranger."

Watanabe: That's right. Possibly due to the influences of Sentai, she gives off the image of the ideal woman (laughs).

"By the way, who's your favorite female character from anime and films?"

Watanabe: For anime, I really like Hancock from "One Piece." Films include Elizabeth from "Pirates of the Caribbean" and Padme from "Star Wars"…..The 3 people I mentioned are all either princesses who fight or high class ladies (laughs).

"You're consistent in the type of women you prefer (laughs)."

Watanabe: Yeah, I noticed that too. (laughs).

"As mentioned earlier in your conversations with Mori-san, is there anything you'd like to do as Yanma in the future?"

Watanabe: I want to do a scene where I'm in the rain, and Mori-san said he wants to do a 1 on 100 fight. So, we talked about wanting to do 1 on 100 fight in the rain (laughs). I was told we couldn't do that because I used to spray dye my hair blue, and the color would fade if it got wet. But, starting with the new chapter, I now have blonde hair, so I'm secretly hoping that we can finally do it. I have alot of things I want to do with my mentor, Gin-san (Ken Yoshizawa-san), and I can't wait to tell you all about it when it finally become a reality.

"We're looking forward to the day when Watanabe-san's visions are realized! Finally, please give us some highlights of future events."

Watanabe: The new chapter will not only bring in new enemies from outer space, but it will also explore the heart of the show's universe. I have a feeling that we'll be diving into the story of the world from 2,000 years ago and explore the roots of the Yanma and others. I'm very excited about it, and I'm sure that you'll enjoy the new developments as well!

[mapoeggplant]

skip to loafer chapter 56 analyze + brief shima study // spoilers

summer vacation is over, which means we’re all coming back to tokyo. for some, it’s time to bask in the memories they created, however for others, the harsh reality comes creeping in again.

one thing that i absolutely love about takamatsu’s way of constructing a chapter is how she easily mixes the youth of the characters (the girls talking about crushes) with the obscure subplot she has been creating up to now (shima’s backstory). the change between subjects isn’t harsh or out of place: everything happens in a simple flow, ending in a calm scene to tie it all together.

so, let’s start from the youth: it’s amazing to see how mitsumi was the step that the other three girls needed to finally be free enough to be a teenage girl, something they prevented themselves from being before. she’s the one who manages to ease their worries and let them be free to talk about things teenage girls should be talking about — and they decided to choose one of the cutest subjects ever: crushes!! makoto being the one to bring this subject up just shows how she grew and how much she trusts the girls, since she was always apprehensive to touch on certain subjects. and this talk was the perfect opportunity for mitsumi to get a little more courage to talk about her relationship with shima with the girls, and choosing to do that in tokyo shows how much she cares about shima, since she doesn’t want the girls to think badly about him at any point.

ok, now let’s jump to the subplot, the one that i love to analyze so much. well, we all know that i had a gut feeling that shima didn’t say anything about the trip to his mother — first because we saw nao-chan talking to all the parents, minus shima’s, and second because, by the little we know about shima’s mom, it’s easy to say that she would never allow shima to go there empty handed. so i can’t say that i was surprised by the outcome of the confrontation. 

i think first i have to focus a lot on shima's reaction towards his mother. the scene opens with shima entering his room and noticing that things were not the way that he left before the trip, showing from the beginning a breach of trust. even if his mother had the best of intentions (like, for example, keeping her son's room tidy), it is difficult for shima to understand this act as something affectionate and not as a way of showing that she doesn't trust him.

after that, we have the big showdown. there is no way to defend shima in anyway with the way he acted and what he did. he traveled miles from his mother, without her having any idea about it. this is extremely dangerous, any parent would be desperate to receive news like this after days. i don't blame her, on the contrary: i think she’s more than correct in confronting him about this.

but for shima, this concern doesn't come from a loving side, from a worried mother. shima still sees his mother as that manipulative and controlling person he grew up with and had so many conflicts with, so hearing all of this only a desperate need to get out of this situation as fast as possible. she already broke her son's trust as soon as he entered the house, so it's very easy for him to assume that this is another one of her controlling attitudes.

but there is an interesting point in all this. after the fight, shima begins to reflect on her mother's changes and asks a very important question: am i still mad at her or am i just being stubborn, like a child who expects something in return?

this shows a maturity in his character, as it is the first time he stops to analyze what all this means inside his chest. would it be rebellion? love? distrust? a cry for help?

shima's relationship with his mother is still something that requires a lot of growth and development for it to make a significant change. in my opinion, it won't happen now or in 5 chapters, but much later, something like an ending to shima's arc, a way to embrace all of his growth. it’s as if she represents the beginning and end of his journey.

aside from his mother, now we have two new pieces to this puzzle: the unknown man and a very new image of shima (the image of him walking with other boys, on the panel where he thinks about his feelings towards his mother). what we have left is to have an idea of how many pieces we still need to assemble the final image. what happened? who was responsible? is this the man who ruined it all? or he was just another victim of the circumstances?

(something that is not related to these questions but that made me think was the fact that ririka sent him the photo. could this be a form of provocation or just a way of finding comfort?).

crabs are no longer shima's only concern at the moment. his harsh and difficult reality came back to the surface with full force. and i, who thought we were close to the climax of his arc, am shocked to realize that we are nowhere near halfway there.

to finish: mitsumi's speech about how tokyo is finally being a new home for her. this is something that makes me so happy, that brings me so much peace, especially with nao-chan's happy and relaxed face next to her. tokyo is finally mitsumi's second home, and she's happy to be able to return to it.

another month and another amazing chapter, another reason to be so excited for what's to come. this is takamatsu-sensei's power. thank you for reading me rambling and for all the nice messages you guys have been sending me 💛 it means the world!!

[mixelation]

thoughts on itadei, itakisa, and itasaku? and i guess any other popular itachi ships that are not currently coming to mind for me lol

ItaDei

Love it. Have written tens of thousands of words about it. It's sort of a frustrating ship to write because they're both assholes about their own feelings (and I don't think Itachi in canon... has a lot of thoughts on Deidara), but Deidara has an extremely canonical gay melt down over Itachi, so I feel like there's a lot of ridiculousness to explore. The fact that they're both criminal villain ninja means there's a lot of room for understanding that other ships might not have. Yes, Deidara blows buildings up with people inside, what of it? He's not like "ooh aah you monster!!" over the Uchiha Massacre. And I like that they both have wildly different, but demonstrably lethal/successful, attitudes towards problem solving. Like I think they cover a lot of each other's flaws while also making each other worse, you know?

Since it's "brutally honest" opinion time, I will add a complaint I haven't made in a while. I hate the way a good chunk of fandom writes Deidara in mlm ships. For some reason, people like to make him a naive uwu bean to play the "feminine" role. Stop that, it's boring and OOC.

ItaKisa

This is a ship I don't really mind but also don't find super compelling. I'm not a big Kisame fan-- like he's fine, I like writing and reading about him fine-- but he's not one of my favorite Akatsuki members. I don't filter on ItaKisa but the tag won't make me NOT click a fic. I could be compelled to write it if I had an idea for it. I do prefer exploring their relationship from a more platonic angle. Kisame is most interesting to me when he's the guy dealing with Itachi's bullshit 24/7 and somehow still thriving.

ItaSaku

My original OTP!!!!!! Okay so I think they're super compatible and HERE'S WHY--

Basically I think Itachi is someone who has idealized romance in a way where he has an extensive very bland fantasy about nice Konoha girls who let him have the most bland vanilla hetersosexual marriage of all time. He wants the culturally appropriate equivalent of a white picket fence. Would he actually be happy with this? No, obviously not, but Itachi also thinks he's a pacifist.

Meanwhile Sakura is a violent maniac who is trying her hardest to BE that nice Konoha girl. They indulge each other's insane fantasies about it. Itachi looks at Sakura and is like: "oh yes, the perfect Konoha kunoichi, the student of the Hokage and Hatake Kakashi, a healer with the face of an angel--" But if his ability for self-analysis were 2% better he would realize his favorite Sakura moments are all like "ripped a man in half" and "brought that same man back from the brink of death to interrogate him." He is ready to lay back and let Sakura live out her own fantasy of Fixing the tragic S-ranked missing-nin WITH HER LOVE because that is also what Itachi wants. Ignore that the village is on fire, please

Other Itachi Ships

Let's see.... every once in a while I get intrigued by the idea of Kakashi/Itachi, but I have never hit on anything there that I really like. I'm fine with Shisui/Itachi, but I don't think Shisui has enough of a canon presence for me to go really feral over it like I would ItaSaku or ItaDei. I'm intrigued by some other Itachi/Akatsuki ships although I don't think any of them are popular. For example, I think Itachi and Sasori would clash horribly in that they're both assholes in similar directions, and this would make SasoItaDei a beautiful trashfire for Deidara specifically.

I've written some Itachi-Karin interactions that I thought were fun so I think ItaKarin could be interesting. Ummm..... OH! I regularly forget Izumi even exists. Sorry, Izumi.