#so i wont get to rest this weekend | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

maleloli · 1 year ago

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Being suicidal but but not exactly depressed Is so wild cuz i literally did homework, cooked for tomorrow, AND took a bath in less than four hours all after a full day at uni, yes i cried on the bus this morning about how hopeless i feel, yes I contemplated killing myself through out the day, but also i have yummy food for tomorrow and feel satisfied with what I'm turning in for this project... Everything is getting worse and better and worse and better and i can't tell a single thing about my brain

#vent #i dont even know is this me finally getting out of this hole ive made for myself??? idk i still have to finish a whole painting for tuesday #so i wont get to rest this weekend #who knows what will happen #sui mention

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insufferablemod · 8 months ago

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Wait u draw aip with jsut ur left hand????

asddshfjg yeah so i injured my hand like 2 ish days after starting askinsuffereableprick,,,,, i pushed through the pain for like 3 or so posts(not smart), in total there have been 8 posts on that blog that were done with my right hand, everything after oct 7th is left handed lmao

#the hand injury was partially cus of the blog yes #it was mainly hyperfocusing at school for weeks straight but going from that into an intense weekend of dave arting........................#may not have been the best idea lmao #at this point with stabilizer there isnt a Huge difference between my left n right art #but its more noticeable traditionally #mainly if i use a pen then its still shaky as hellllll #my main complaint now is its still much slower And i cant use keyboard shortcuts :(#which slows me down extra much and limits what i can do in some instances #but fcking hell like at the start?? i was filling out a character sheet and there was a 5 minute laughing session cus it was like....#literally incomprehensible #so ive come a long way >:)#the hannd is also maybee kinda getting better a bit #im giving it another month of rest at Least #probably like 2..... hopefully it wont need more then that................................................................#ask #anon #rambles

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nomairuins · 15 days ago

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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF

#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid #but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil #i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl #spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but #i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to #afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like #vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you #should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done #with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt #but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen #but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the #way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so #tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me #sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and #it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there #nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having #to work for the rest of my life #ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be #Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes #all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does #but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its #back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until #i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep #and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice #days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends #IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so #dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like #its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going

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phagodyke · 2 months ago

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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....

#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it #i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks #and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance #but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day #and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs #but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it #i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it #which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit #but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space #yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz #.diaries #hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse #very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..

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todayisafridaynight · 8 months ago

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yesterday i entered ur stream just to see what was going on and ended up staying for like an hour LMAO your streams are rlly entertaining and i had a lot of fun watching even tho i was just lurking without saying anything

omg thanks for stoppin by, im glad you had a fun time :] !!

#snap chats #50% of the stream was me drawing and the rest was just me bullying beau tbh 💀💀#but im glad it was fun regardless !!! i like streamin and gettin to hang so :]#i dont usually talk if chat is quiet since i dont know if anyones watching and ill feel weird just talking to nothing #BUT im gon have like. the view counter open somewhere next time so ill know when its valid to . ramble bout bullshit 💀#ik some people use my streams as background noise so. i wanna try t supplement more than just the occasional stylus scritch #i dont think ill be able to stream next weekend cause i have to go get my bloodwork done . God Willing.#but whether its next saturday or Next next saturday i cant wait to stream again :]#i prob wont be able to stream during weekdays since i have like. ''''finals'''''#as in i have a paper or two and presentations i have to do for class. not really any exams but tbh i would prefer those 💀#im goin on bout nothin POINT IS ONCE APRIL OVER ILL DEF HAVE MORE TIME SO YAY :]

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this-doesnt-endd · 8 months ago

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I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors

#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other #but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other #for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would #which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways #when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest #but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months #we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells #like i knew them that well #it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy #which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession #but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother #and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins #when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged #idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type #going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone #and now its gone and i wont ever get it back #and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too #like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres #im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for #but its not the same yaknow #and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years #like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me #and thats part of the problem #like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend #and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried #but people didnt want to return it #and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much #my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself #and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal #and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man

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radiantmists · 1 year ago

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i just finished the brief lives arc, and... ow

#i took notes bc i cant screenshot panels on my phone so ill probably post some of my reactions over the weekend #but oh this hurt my heart #and like. seems probable that dreams gonna die or be badly hurt bc of this so that sucks!#but even without that...#theyre all so unhappy #destruction had to cut off everyone he knew and loved just for some passing contentment #and the rest of them wont contemplate leaving so theyre just stuck in the bullshit forever #mostly too divided to even be kind to each other #also some cruel kind of worldbuilding for delight-- the most overtly good one-- to be the one who couldnt last as she was #also: poor orpheus #grow up w parents who are growing apart. wife dies at your wedding. disown your dad #be lonely for years and then get TORN APART. get disowned by your dad. and then spend thousands of years mostly alone as a head #and then die knowing that helping you end your suffering is condemning your dad to some horrible fate #...fuck did calliope get to say goodbye?#there was no indication of it but what a dick move on both their parts if not #the sandman

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mechawolfie · 2 years ago

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i get a therapist (HELL YEAH AWESOME, THIS IS GOOD !)

she tells me to apologize to my mom (HORRIBLE, I AM CONSIDERING MURDER)

#smudgy.txt #.vent #at first i was like yknow what that sounds like a reasonable adult thing to do ! ill do it! :]#then once the call was over i suddenly remembered 1) the details of what happened 2) my mom isnt a reasonable adult #& will most likely not take it in a way that wont trigger me more #i fucking hate when ppls first thought is to believe that the parents are in the right when their kid talks abt some shit that happened #when they dont know the full fucking story #& now im worry if i Try to explain more she either wont believe me #or say i'm too much for her to handle & drop me #& now im spiraling again #& i want to spend the weekend trying to get out of it but that won't be possible bc The World Does Not Stop #so i'm just going to have to deal w this shit all over again #how do i explain to these fuckers that i am a danger to myself BECAUSE of my family & i dont need to Be A Better Child #i need to get the fuck out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the only person who seems to understand this is my pcp but she cant do anything abt it bc the system is bullshit + its just not her job #& my sister is offering to help me but im terrified it'll cause even more drama in this family #bc my parents are incapable of handling anything like adults #i feel like im being torn apart in a million directions. i want to rest

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1796samuel-seabury1729 · 9 days ago

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i might post an edit today perhaps

#thayne yaps #sick face o o;#neutral face :|#i just need something to post because i wont want to be online much for the rest of this weekend probably #<- so i need to get something out i havent posted an edit on tiktok in nearly a week #<- and its been even longer on here

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queenerdloser · 28 days ago

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my free time for the next few months is eaten up so severely by extra shifts at my second job, writing classes, working on grad school apps, and misc errands that i'm like. do i have to assign myself time to play dragon age veilguard in november.

#liveblogging life #i was going to replay inquisition but i got Too Busy and i only made it through the hinterlands lmao #like the next several weekends are very Full bc i'm picking up a ton of extra shifts #and i'm also going out of town #and like. most weeknights i've got something happening #AND i have to finish polishing my grad school docs by the end of november so that's like a month and a half????#i think like. around christmas will be when my time will really open again lmao #bc i wont have classes anymore and my apps will be in and i'll probably take a couple of months off of picking up shifts #makes me tired to think about the rest of october and november tbh jesus christ #i do want to play datv as soon as it comes out tho i just have a feeling it's going to take me forever to get through

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t-ierrahumeda · 5 months ago

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Finally Friday...I have a lot of work to do tho 😔

#after work ill work out too #and from tomorrow on i wont be able to rest on weekends bc we'll be spending it at the house fixing it #we gotta haul ass too bc we want to move before september 😬😬#its exciting but ill be so tired every week for two months lol on top of trying not to get fired from my new job #sigh #its 7.50 and im already tired lol

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raksh-writes · 5 months ago

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Gosh, why is it that we've had to get the worst kind of weather right for all my finals?? Fucking hell, I hate it hereeeeee