#so i probably dont question if my experiences are normal or not a normal amount. which is a very ironic thing to say.

[boredqueerbitch]

hello, did you know, food allergies can cause hypothermia. now i know youre probably thinking “how can a food allergy make you go out in cold weather and freeze to death?” and im here to tell you, its not quite that simple

you see, hypothermia is just the name for when your body gets too cold. the most common cause of this is being exposed to cold temperatures for extended periods of time and/or without appropriate insulation, but there are others

when you experience an allergic reaction, your nervous system is responding badly to an actually benign food particle. while the most famous symptoms of this are anaphylaxis(airways restricting) and vomiting, other things occur as well, including, you guessed it, your temperature dropping

this is not generally as severe as exposed induced hypothermia and in less severe cases should resolve mostly on its own, but it’s definitely something that people(especially those with food allergies) should be aware of

[brucewaynehater101]

I once read a fic where dick, Jason and Tim are not human and that Damian and Bruce are the only humans (Alfred doesn't count) in the manor basically the fic was about how bruce took care of non human dick jason and tim and when damin came he had issues with them but came to accept them in the end and that got me thinking an au where the batfam are not human except bruce. like hes the only FULLY human in the family. like the in the fic dick was a doll that cam to life, but i also read somewhere that dick was a tentacle monster thing because of hugs (i dont remember it well because i read it when i was half asleep) Jason probably had something to do with gotham, like all the chemicals made him immune to most things and also being in the streets probably messed up his health and also he might be born? Made? Not human and that was before he DIED and was dipped in the Lazarus pit, which probably has supernatural consequences, and made him even more not human. Tim was probably cursed by an artifact that his parents brought home when he was young or he was just born (maybe bred, I'm pretty sure rich people can breed their own child) that way that makes people question if he is human or a sickly Victorian child in the wrong era, he also must be good with the shadows if he can follow batman around (and we are not yet talking about his age is he forever 17 or did he age, if so how old is he?)

Steph is the child of a supervillain and is probably an ally kid, so she is kinda similar to Jason but with more drugs and the spoiler thing. (i dont have any idea with her) Cass was probably trained and experimented by David Cain to act the way she does (nobody know if she's human or not and it freaks people out) Damian probably was the most human among Bruce children as he is made by his DNA, but if he was also dipped in the Lazarus pit then maybe there's a chance that's he's not human, but that can just be league training. Duke has powers and was living in the streets when is parents got joker gassed and was also living in the zero year when riddler was mayor and made a we are robin movement (sorry if i got his character wrong) Nobody knows actually if Damian and Cass are human as they possessed abilities that no Normal human can like blending in the shadows too well that that can't be seen (even when it's a light shadow you can't see them unless they want to be seen) but they were also trained assassin's and maybe those were the consequences of their childhood (at least most heroes or people hope)

The same can be said to the others, dick can perfectly blend in the shadows and when he fights he tends to pull stunts that no normal human can pull (does he even have bones how can he bend like that). Jason is like a tank and somehow is quieter than he looks, he can be stabbed and will still keep fighting like nothing happened. Tim doesn't sleep and he lost his spleen and still doing okay. Steph knows where to go, Cass can read you like a book and can probably kick superman's ass without a sweat, Damian was raised by demons and duke can bend the shadows to his will.

And somehow some way

BRUCE IS STILL HUMAN

like this man gets fear-gassed in the face, poison ivy's multitude of poisons, joker gassed. and whatever gotham throws at him while running a company and getting little to no amount of sleep and still function like a normal human being while actually BEING 100% human. and it just confuses the kids a lot (sorry if the English is bad. English is my secondary language and most of the time i speak my first language which is Filipino and I'm typing this on my laptop while most of my family are sleeping. and most of these points are from my drafts, my only saving garce is autocorrect )

You're perfectly alright. No worries at all ^^

To summarize, you want to think about an AU where Bruce is human and the rest of the Bats are not? We can definitely explore that, but first, I think I know what fics you were talking about.

For the Dick is a doll one, I can't find it. It's making me sad cause it was a great one of Bruce continuously adopting kids that others want to harm/kill due to their nature. Just Bruce fighting against his instincts so he can provide them love. It's cute.

For the Dick has weird hugging abilities, I think "you can swear in my hoard" by Inkpotsprite is the fic you were thinking about. Tim and Dick are the only confirmed non-humans, though.

For a fic where the batkids are born as a variety of angels or demons and Bruce is a human, the "heaven sent//hell bent" series by AstraEllis is good.

There's other ones, but feel free to reblog/comment suggestions.

As far as the AU, I agree that Bruce pushes his body past what's considered human limits (they all do). It would be funny if the JL had discussions about that in confusion (the humans and non humans trying to figure out how he manages to do everything he does without powers).

If you want to create an AU going over specifically what each batkid could be if they were non-human, let me know!

EDIT: A commentor revealed the fic name for the doll one!!! "You, Me, and the Humanity in Between" by JUBE514

[kienansidhe]

hi, im kienan! im the current host of the disaster hearts system. we are a korean american body with dissociative identity disorder and have had multiple diff hosts over the course of this blogs run. i or some variation of me have been host since around 2017-18ish. for transparencys sake, the body is 25+. do not ask abt age specifics please.

we are a survivor of csa trauma, parental abuse, religious and cult abuse, and generally very traumatized, and our experience of life is irrevocably colored by that lens.

we are disabled and unable to hold a job ever since we got long covid in april of 2020. we are fully dependent on our partners, working on our disability application, and still coming to terms with the reality of being probably permanently disabled.

unless otherwise specified it is probably some variation of kienan speaking.

-♡♡♡-

i, kienan, am queer and i prefer to be addressed by strangers with he/they/it or fae/faeself pronouns. i dont rlly care which of those you use, tho, no need to rotate or anything.

some other labels that generally describe me: nonbinary, transmasc, gnc, cuntboy, [redacted], [redacted], femme, femboy, genderweird, bi, aro/ace with a couple exceptions, sex favorable, kink obligate, freak, degenerate, pervert.

i currently have 4 partners, referred to here as prettyboyfriend, nesting boyfriend, girlfriend/daddy, and moirail.

no dni, i think theyre stupid and the only ppl i would not want to interact would not respect dnis anyways lmao. if i have a problem with you i will just say so or block you or whatever.

some of my beliefs and what to expect on this blog are under the cut.

i believe in rehabilitation and compassion, full stop. yes, even for those people. i think that othering and dehumanizing others sucks, that thoughts do not define you (yes, even those thoughts), and that the only thing that matters is your actions.

i think callouts are never helpful, ever. ive literally never seen one do anything helpful or good.

i try my best to interact with others in good faith, and i expect the same in return.

we were homeschooled in a cult and our education was heavily ~moderated~ to keep us brainwashed, and every time i think ive rooted out all the misinfo new stuff comes up. please be patient with me if i ask stupid questions, i literally am stupid. i have so much literal actual brain damage. i will do my best to be open minded, i rlly want to learn!

i believe that the best ways to combat csa are better sex education, breaking down the sanctity of the nuclear family, youth liberation (more legal rights and self advocacy for children), and not clogging child abuse report portals with fucking fictional art, jesus h christ.

medicalization of identities sucks. sysmeds, transmeds, im sorry youre miserable but thats not an excuse for trying to make everyone else miserable with you.

labels are only useful insofar as they help you connect with others like you and form solidarity in order to combat systemic oppression. if labels make you angry or miserable, consider not taking them so seriously.

its okay to just dislike ppl. its not always that deep. trying to come up with moral reasons to justify disliking ppl is rlly fucking catholic.

dont talk to me abt christianity. im aware that my trauma affects my ability to be compassionate in this area, so im staying in my lane. in fact probably dont talk to me abt religion in general.

im not a proshipper or an anti i touch grass <3, HOWEVER:

antishipping / purity politics / anti-kink / whatever you wanna call it, ppl equating fictional depictions of Obvious Bad Things with condoning, supporting, or normalizing them in real life are fucking stupid and have done unbelievable amounts of damage that has now reached far beyond fandom and kink circles. get a life, for fucks sake.

ppl who call themselves proshippers and then go around harassing antis are fucking stupid and have lost the original spirit of the term proship / anti-anti, which hinged around not harassing or harming others over fiction. get a life, for fucks sake.

just be kind. dont be a dick. treat others how you wanna be treated. we are all traumatized but thats not an excuse to be cruel. leave the world better than you found it.

youre gonna make mistakes. you just are. youre not perfect and also the world is complex. remember that you cant help everyone. try your best but dont lose yourself in the process.

art is everything. the act of creation is holy. more progress is made by creating -- building communities, making art, growing plants, building houses, building relationships -- than by tearing things down. there is probably a time and place for violence, destroying oppressive systems, bombing weapons factories, but if we arent creating a positive, healthy society alongside the destruction we are just leaving fertile ground for new oppressive structures to take root. create. create. create.

-♡♡♡-

many hosts has left a chaotic mess of tags on this blog but here are some we use pretty consistently:

#headspace: original posts. diary rambling, random thoughts, actual semi coherent opinions, anything

#my face: the body

#humans are good actually: reminders

#recovery things: mental health help

#important: there is so much stuff in this tag

#bookmark: too much here too lol

#feel better: just fluffy stuff

#vine: general funny video tag

#about, #me kin id, #i ghostwrote this post: stuff we relate to rlly hard + uquiz tags lol

#posts that are funnier when plural

[joleneghoul]

Random thoughts I've had about vanishing point and the Carter siblings (Rip and Rani specifically)

I kind of feel like time travel/temporal magic within the DC universe is a way to touch on the meta of the many rebirths and multiverses of this setting. These are characters who are aware of things that only the reader is often allowed to be aware of from an outsider standpoint because they, too, are outsiders to the narrative like us.

Rip often in stories exists to be a character who without directly (minus once) looking to the reader says "hey did you see that? I saw that, too." Or in the case of the many rebirths of the universe,"remember that? Me too. " When most other characters exist within the confinement of the box the story puts them in.

This, to me, directly reflects the fact he grew up at Vanishing Point, which its name itself i think is a funny little narrative joke but also exists OUTSIDE the overarching narrative of the multiverse.

Look at it like this. What is a Vanishing Point? It's a place on the horizon you look to for guidance on perspective. That's the same for the location.

Now, Vanishing Point offers a few issues when I look at it from a story perspective. These questions I go back to are often.

1. If this is a place that exists outside of time, how does time work within it?

Well, I don't really believe that there is NO time on vanishing point nor that there's ALL of time. I moreso see this place as existing within its own bubble, not part of the multiverse but existing as its own thing, so it can remain unchanged as these universes metamorphosize into new ones. Also, this is why it's so hard to find. it's like looking for a location on Mars while driving around Earth.

There has to be SOME semblance of moving time in this place, and maybe its localized to who steps foot there. Personal in a way. But i say there HAS to be time because both Rani and Rip grow and get older there. (Maybe you can say Rani spent more childhood on earth than rip did but i kinda find it difficult to believe that Rips sister isnt just as important as him and wouldnt need the same protections Rip does for some amount of time in childhood. But hey, that's me. And i dont entirely dislike that take either.)

2. If it's one location, then how can throughout time these characters exist there? How do we not overlap with the past and present versions of our characters if the past and present doesnt technically exist within the bubble?

Again time does technically exist in this place just different from the time that exists everywhere else. If we believe vanishing point exists to give the person there a better perspective then vanishing point will place you where you need to be (not that rules cant be broken bc thats the fun of these guidelines, to push them into something interesting in our stories not 100% conform to them)

3. These things considered what would growing up or living within this space be like?

Same as anywhere else, I think it depends. I think people in normal life can grow up in the same house under the same circumstances yet have completely different life experiences from that- its the same here. But in an overarching sense I think as a ever moving floating bubble of concentrated time thats ever changing its kind of the perfect place for a time traveler to hide some kids, because well the place would probably work to hide them from trouble itself.

I kind of get the feeling its a place that the longer you're there, the more symbiotic it becomes to you. Sort of like how clownfish hide in sea anenome its beneficial for both.

Also, i feel like growing up within these changing conditions of this ever moving place, they'd eventually get used to it in a way that other time travelers arent. Not that it's the best place to grow up. I always get the feeling VP has the opportunity to be an incredibly lonely and isolating place for some of the reasons above.

Anyways. Thats my incoherent thoughts abt dc meta for the night. Also bring back Rips sister

[intersex-questions]

this is going to be a very long-winded ask but I've been questioning something for a long amount of time:

i had my voice drop significantly around the time most guys in school did too, around 12-14. i found old recordings of me talking and singing and its a completely different voice, more high pitched. as far as i can remember, i didnt have clitomegaly but it was larger and genuienly like a small penis. i also had a lot of body hair but no facial hair afaik, and super oily skin and acne that wasnt caused by what i ate . i had super heavy painful periods though that sometimes left me unable to function at all and brought me into the ER once and got me declared anemic, just to elaborate on how bad it was.

i spoke in past tense because i'm transitioning and have been getting testosterone every 3 months for 2 years now. i did notice i responded really fast to the first dose already, i almost immediately grew facial hair before my second dose and had my voice drop even more, outside of the usual clinical curve of change. while i know it depends on the person, it was very fast. i also cant shake that it might be PCOS since i wouldnt know if there is a spectrum to hyperandrogenism that would leave you still having heavy periods while also experiencing those changes. i haven't had my period ever since starting testosterone so i wouldnt know what would still be visible down there if i'd have a gynecologist take a look at it.

i know youre not a professional, but do you know off the top if there are any intersex conditions that.. well.. would describe what i could probably look into that couldve been there already pre-transition or at least could list off some intersex conditions that dont involve having internal testes or "hidden male sex characteristics" since i have had ultrasounds in my lower abdominal area a few times and i wouldve probably been told about it.

Thank you so much for sending this in. First off, I completely understand your struggle with questioning being intersex after starting testosterone. I didn't start to question my past experiences with my sex and sex characteristics until after I had started testosterone. This made figuring out if I was intersex even more difficult. Especially because, even if I was intersex, my outward intersex symptoms became "normal" for any FTM/trans+ person on testosterone.

What you describes already sounds like hyperandrogenism. Hyperandrogenism is, in and of itself, an inherently intersex experience. You do not need a specific diagnosis that has hyperandrogenism as a "symptom" nor do you need to have diagnosed hyperandrogenism in order to say you have it. Even if you are now on testosterone HRT, which makes hyperandrogenism seem more typical/"normal" for your body, that doesn't negate that it would be something your body still inherently has.

Also, I'm unsure if you mean, "I'm getting my testosterone prescription filled up every three months and am taking it for a different period of time" or, "I'm taking an injection or other form of testosterone every three months, and only every three months". If it's the latter/the second one, it very very much only further makes it seem as if you have hyperandrogenism or a variation in how your body processes testosterone. Your responses on testosterone are not typical for perisex individuals. Also, if you are on it that often because of a doctor recommendation and not a personal choice, that makes hyperandrogenism and even stronger likelihood because T is often taken less often or in lower doses for those who have hyperandrogenism but are trans+.

Also, I would like to say, it isn't entirely uncommon for intersex people who have something like internal testes to just...not be told about it. Even if the doctor(s) know. This is something often kept hidden from intersex people and many doctors will proceed to "treat" the patient (almost always unnecessarily) for their internal testes without explaining why they are doing that. I'm not saying that this is your experience, and many doctors would tell a patient, but it's important to just keep in mind that, unfortunately, doctors can suck.

Moving on from what you've described that seem like strong signs of hyperandrogenism, the fact that your genitalia are at all ambiguous also means that the intersex label is open for you to use. No one needs a specific diagnosis or anything like that to be welcome to use the label. The clitoris and penis are often more similar than people think. One way to imagine it is that the clitoris and penis are on a sliding scale, like in a character creation model, where you maybe slide the hair from long to short, or the body type from smaller to larger. The clitoris often does look much more like a penis when clitoromegaly is present. Having an ambiguous erectile structure is inherently intersex. Your genitalia might not be able to be classified as a clitoris or a penis, or you might not be comfortable as classifying it as exclusively either of those, or either of those at all. Having ambiguous genitalia is also a sign of hyperandrogenism in general, and/or it can be something that someone is just born into. In some cases for people, their clitoromegaly isn't developed until they grow older and their hyperandrogenism becomes present, as hyperandrogenism can be very late in presentation.

If you want specific diagnosed things that might be what you have, the most likely candidates to me are PCOS, like you said, or NCAH. However, it's important to note that bodies are medically messy. They can't always easily fall into categories. Despite the "C" standing for cystic in PCOS, people can have PCOS without cysts. You could have something like NCAH and endometriosis. Or you could have no specifically diagnosed intersex variation, but also experience certain things that cause painful periods. The most likely causes for your period pains are probably PCOS or endometriosis. Dysmenorrhea is also just a general term for abnormally or life-impacting painful periods.

Also, it's common for hyperandrogenism to stop or lessen periods. Same with testosterone HRT. But neither of those inherently stop them from happening. Some people on testosterone HRT can be on it for years at a high dose and still get periods.

So, basically, it sounds definite to me that you have hyperandrogenism and clitormegaly/ambiguous genitalia. You also have had abnormal/painful experiences with your periods, which is often comorbid with intersex variations.

You can definitely be intersex without any "hidden" things inside your body. You can also be intersex without a specific diagnosis. You know your body best, and in a case like yours, it is up to your self-determination if you label as or consider yourself intersex. You have a place in this community and in this experience no matter what. I wish you love on your intersex journey 💛💜💛!

(I hope I managed to hit all the points you brought up for the most part--sometimes I accidentally gloss over things while reading. You can always send in another ask if I missed something!)

[glowstone23b]

UAGSHDHFK ITS SO FUNNY U SHOULD MENTION TOOTHLESS FROM HTTYD BECAUSE WHEN I WAS DESIGNING A CONCEPT FOR SAGE’S WINGS (which im still in the process of making) HE WAS MY FIRST REFERENCE :’’’) I LOVE NIGHT FURIES

but also to answer some of those previous elytra questions because they have been on my mind . i’ll sort of just be quoting them audvdhfj ive been thinking about them all day

“What if the elytra (after having been fully fused, I guess, but early users apply too) runs out of durability?”

— okay so pre-fusing the elytra is sort of. brittle. not fully but like regular durability you get in normal minecraft; it wears down after a while and this is because of a couple factors

1.) still adjusting to the host, hasn’t gotten the proper intake of blood and nutrients in its wings to fully sustain itself for the while yet so it’s trying to run off what it currently has (which tends to be very little resulting in them damaging over time if not fixed)

2.) it doesn’t wear down post fusion because the mutations and genes mixing in with the host lets it sort of stabilize by itself and become a part of the host entirely; once the “magical” properties of it are slowly simmering and is replaced with blood, skin, bacteria, etc (on that note the tendrils inside the host’s shoulder blades etc also sort of melt and become new veins/paths for blood circulation to take) (dont ask me how that works uhhh magic and minecraft stuff idk)

“Are the wings something you yourself can feel once they’ve fused with you, or is it more like… a neurological thing, where the elytra just know what you’re thinking?”

— OKAY when the tendrils slip in you’ll feel some generous amount of discomfort but pulling them out hurts more than letting them sink in

— new elytra users need a small bit of time to adjust to the wings and get a grasp on how they feel. its sort of different for everyone but at first it feels like a very strange version of pins and needles- you can move the wings around but it feels weird.

— although yeah the parasitic-ish parts of the elytra kind of do. connect with your brain (DIY lobotomy /j) in order to both A.) get the brain to move the wings around and B.) to do all the increased reaction time and instincts shabang (these stay permanently after fusion)

“Could you feel them as an extension to your body? If they get hurt, would you be able to feel it as if it were your arm or something, or would it be numb?”

- new elytra users get a numb sort of sensation when the elytra gets damaged via an arrow or something

- older (fused) elytra users get the similar sensation to the webbing of your fingers being sliced or punctured (owie)

- also at first they do feel like weird body extensions before eventually adjusting and them becoming literal body parts aisnfwidhfjfk

“If you run out of durability on fused elytras, is that something you could ever fix?”

— yes actually!! healing potions + usually phantom membrane is an efficient way of patching up deep wounds— depending on the type of wing it might just require a lot of healing potions and bandages, but eh its different for every user

— although if a massive chunk of those wings is like torn off then oooh. ouchie thats like having ur arm torn off. yeah that probably wont heal

^ — however . you can get fixes where they attach like a leather-like wing and hollow light silver(?) rods onto where the bones end to make a makeshift wing repair (leather is typically dyeable and able to be decorated)

bonita drawing ik . but you get the idea !!!!

“Would you be able to get a new pair if you hadn’t been fused yet?”

— YEAH

— if you get the new pair from another person who used it previously the process of the wings shifting to suit you better will take a while longer and vice versa

“Would you have to try to cut off your old elytra to replace it if you *were* fused?”

— yes

— not a pleasant experience but if you hate ur wings so bad then yes you could probably slice them off (i wonder what you would do with them afterwards?? Whats to do with sliced human-sized wings? … wall decoration?? Could you cook and eat them maybe?)

“could you potentially *pick* how your elytra form to look on you?”

— kkkkkkind of? the elytra by default looks like a weird mix of dragon and beetle wings all in one. good flight but also not infinitely durable like mentioned

— the shape of the wings, however, changes to fit the user from what the elytra can gather from their brain

(for example, Sage’s wings are based off night furies and peregrine falcons — fast speedy creatures due to Sage’s own history of enjoying fast speeds/being thrown or spun around and also from the lack of any fear of heights/falling)

(in fact actually enjoying those things) (yk how some kids ask to be thrown into lakes because they enjoy the sensation. yeah thats her)

“Like, if you tried to repair your elytra using a combination of some standard repair materials (phantom membranes, occasionally scales) as well as some other thing (like parrot feathers, for instance), could you possibly get the elytra to take on a form you’d prefer?”

— this is sort of tricky to answer because like. the elytra chooses what form of wings suits you best.

— mutations, though? Like having the elytra change from the dragon-beetle-ish look to having feathers and bright colours? That’s still achievable!! Theres even the possibility to mix and match different biological materials from the desired creatures however if you add in too many the elytra might like. kill you by accident or something (im talking more than like 5 or 7) (usually people opt to have only one or two main repair materials) (3 is teetering on the edge slightly i imagine because of like. neurological effects with all the mutations both physically behaviourally and mentally etc etc)

this also kind of raises the question of “how do you get bug wings” and i’ll be honest w u i have no idea. I imagine there’d be *some* strange way to achieve it? go ham many methods for elytra repairing

( mini rant of sage vv)

(Her way of flying is very similar to toothless in the first two movies. shes sleek and elegant in that cat-like fashion but she also does dive bombs and spins and rolls and is overall extremely confident, nigh cocky with how she flies. a lot of control too!! ,,,, most of the time has definitely crash landed several times) (not to mention speed,,,,, in certain situations when she picks up enough velocity you can hear a whistle coming from the air being sliced by her wings . no idea how to explain but you get the idea)

ALSO THE PHANON TAG IS ALR !! she/her pronouns for me but idrc if you use they/them ajdbfjk

Apologies for the late response, I wanted to make some quick doodles for this at the least!!! It's so fascinating to me! A sidenote before I forget-- what do you think about rocket-propelled elytra flight? Would that be possible at all, or do we pretend canon isn't there for it? It's very silly to think of, but I don't think it'd be very safe, lol.

Here's a rough gif of how I think it might work! (emphasis on might). The 'elytra' (used to refer to the parasite in this sense) feels like a bug to me... like a palm-sized ladybug, sort of. Just the right size to fit on the small of your back pretty easily. Once you set it there, it'll like... pinch/hurt a bit as it sets in its initial veins & whatnot to connect to you, but it just chills there otherwise. I feel like for pre-fused elytras, trying to take one off would feel kinda like a tick? Gross, but hey

I also use "elytra" in the literal sense-- the hard, chitinous sheaths that cover bug wings-- here, so I could draw it in my head. I think that wouldn't be very comfortable to sit back on, to be honest, if you were in a high-backed chair or something. Anyways, like bug wings they'd unfold and the blood that goes through them would fill them up to full size like you said! It'd likely happen in a matter of seconds for long-time users, but take up to a couple minutes for first-timers.

I've also got a couple post-fusion drawings here, under the cut bc it's kinda veiny and a little gross, so if you're averted to that thing, look away!

Again, bonita drawing, but just to get it out of my head. The main "body" of the elytra would start to stretch down your back to get further up along your spine, where all the good veins are! Eventually, the body of it would be more vestigial than anything, because it no longer needs it to look for a host (do you think elytras in end cities would be able to wander freely before fusing to someone? Kinda funny to think of someone just getting like. hit in the face by a stray elytra buzzing around).

I do have this as bug in my head, because my brain loves making sense of things, so it's struggling to figure out how other wing types would work. I know it's magical, so whatever goes, but hmm... maybe the customization just comes after fusing, when the elytra doesn't need to expend the extra energy on needing to find a new host, and can instead divert it to making different, sturdier wings...?

I like the makeshift wing repair with lightweight metals or leather and whatnot, it'd be neat to explore that! Just like toothless :). Color & style customization, too! Do you think anybody gets wing jewelry or piercings just to show off? Like irl vultures with wing tags?

"(i wonder what you would do with them afterwards?? Whats to do with sliced human-sized wings? … wall decoration?? Could you cook and eat them maybe?)" -- I mean, if we're in a world with human-sized wings, there's most likely a market for them! I wouldn't be surprised if long-term elytra users were hunted for sport if they had a particularly unique wing type... Wall decoration, for sure, I think hunters would enjoy them! Also good for food in dire situations, as human meat is probably a lot more gamey than any other available source. Feathers or membranes would also be valued for use in repairing of other elytras, in clothing, ceremonial stuff, etc. Kinda neat!

Tell Sage I love her and her flying skills are unmatched. She's crashed before? Didn't see it. She rules

If any of this is coherent, congrats! If not, poke me so I can explain it! Most of my posts will be one long rant and not really read over again for mistakes or anything so godspeed, buddy! Overall I like your thoughts on the matter you rule!!!! Gives my brain more things to rotate :)

[bearsgrove]

✨ oc tag game wahoooo! ✨

aight so here's the tag game i wasn't tagged in but wanted to do and @gwynbleidd and @graveyaird convinced me that i should 😔 along with u two i tag @werecanidae and @sylkana and anyone else who feels like doing this 🐏

favourite oc - ok thats a very difficult and unfair question, i love all of them so so much, they all mean a lot to me for different reas– ravell. its a toss between ravell and kaz tbh but. ravell. ravell means Everything to me.

newest oc - probably avery? whom i dont talk about a whole lot because they are from the [redacted] Duology 🙃. if we consider an oc from 2 and a half years ago new lmao. listen, i havent been making new ocs much, i just had a period of time when i made a bunch. so avery is a very rare exception of a new oc. im honestly surprised she sort of.. stuck around and i genuinely love her a lot. she was made out of the need to play as a new h*wke because ive been playing as the same one since the dawn of time. she gave my game experience a much needed fresh air and some nuance too.

oldest oc - ravell. or the version of. ravell in sk/rim was very much based on an already existing original character and those two characters still somehow intertwine to this day. there are subtle differences but they are more or less the same person. but when it comes to ocs i talked about on here, which are usually just ocs for this or that game, excluding any original story ones then yeah its ravell.

meanest oc - lyrhis? i know i still present her on here as a dos2 oc but she is an original story oc and i only put her in dos2 because 1) it felt like it would fit her 2) she is important to me and i wanted to be able to still talk about her on here without feeling like she doesnt fit in because she isnt from a game lol. i think her being "mean" is more about her being generally very otherwordly, inhuman and therefore aloof - which can get interpreted as mean i guess - because her perception of things is very different. calling her "mean" even feels weird because that word implies this sort of.. human meanness, spitefulness, generally being malicious for some reason. if anything calling her "mean" is maybe an understatement. she is just kinda cold-blooded, cruel, ruthless. ok you know who is actually a mean oc. evan. he is the opposite of what i just said about lyrhis. he isnt cruel or cold-blooded, but he is spiteful, malicious and can cause a lot of harm with only his words and need for revenge or simple spite. i think that to be mean one still has to be human, its a human trait. and he is human, there is a reason for why he is like that. lyrhis isnt human in the first place.

softest - hera 😔 literally my only normal oc. and she spends a lot of time in the sewers, talks to her rats and overall is a bit Odd but. she is the least evil out of my ocs and carries the least amount of baggage lmao. sure she has been through shit but she is the only oc that turned out "fine" after her personal trauma. but other than that she is very compassionate, considerate and has a strong moral code

most aloof/standoffish - well idk. its a toss between lyrhis i guess for reasons i already mentioned and then wren. which is quite a difference lmao. those two come to mind first but then also ravell, ives and avery. eh, most of my ocs probably seem standoffish, its one of their most common traits. but in conclusion i would say wren? if only because wren is actually a lot like hera, my other more or less only normal oc with an actual moral code and someone who has other people's interests and feelings in mind. but unlike hera wren outwardly appears very cold and most people would describe them as aloof. they are simply distant and keep to themselves but definitely are not internally aloof, they feel a lot, they simply don't show it. but the aloofness of others (ravell, ives, avery…) definitely comes from a lack of emotional intelligence as well as simply being a reserved bunch in general

dumbest oc - probably ravell :( if we compare their general Knowledge about things with my other ocs they are definitely the dumbest. but they are not Stupid. i think them being dumb can just be summed up into them not Knowing many Things and acting/speaking without thinking. they dont do much thinking. which can lead to them making mistakes because they most often act on impulse. they are rational, they can be very smart and cunning, but also they do strike me as the dumbest of my ocs sometimes

smartest oc - hmmm. cant decide between lyrhis, evan, nate and kaz. leaning towards kaz fsr, even though outwardly he would appear as the dumbest out of this group. but i think the other 3 while being smart are also just generally very learned and academically smart. but kaz has that natural smartness about him. idk how to explain my brain power ran out half way into this tag game ngl

horniest - evan.

oc you'd bang - hmmmmm i cant decide between "all of them" and "none of them". like. i know most of them are very hot and right up my alley (i mean I made them) but at the same time. they have way too many similarities with me for me to be able to comfortably say that i would fuck them lmao. i know who i wouldnt tho 100%- ravell. i think over the years they became too much of their own person. like ravell is real to me ok. and i respect them too much as a person to say something like that lol. ok well. i just realized something. i change my statement to "all of my ocs that are women". i figured out why i didnt feel comfortable saying "all of them" lmao. because not all of them identify as women!

oc you'd be best friends with irl - kaz. kaz has unironically been my best friend for as long as i can remember. i think that even when i was making him at the back of my mind i would think "ok who do i need? thats who this character is" and back then i needed a friend! as cringe as it is. one good friend. who would be just my person. and no one else's. ok my abandonment issues are showing again and recently i'm noticing way too many past signs and patterns

[ottoslab]

just wanted to say that i adore your art, and you kinda got me into psychonauts. i already knew about it and had been wanting to look into it, but then i saw your tf2 psychonauts crossover art and went CRAZY over the designs and shapes i just had to buy both psychonaut games. i’m actually playing the second one as i type! i’m having a blast and this series is definitely going in my top favorites already, so thank you!!

i don’t know if you’ve talked about this before, but what are your favorite or least favorite levels from the psychonauts games?

anon you have no idea how happy this makes me. My favoritest games of all times it makes me so so happy to know other people are still getting into them and enjoying them! They’re both great games, but psychonauts 2 is really just a good game to play. Absolute blast bc of story and gameplay, I really hope you enjoy it!! Feel free to send me an ask and let me know your thoughts! Id love to hear!

Favorite and least favorites… good question!

Favorite in game one: Meat circus I LOVE you meat circus. I knowww everyone’s always mad about it because of the shitty gameplay and like. YEAJ. I agree. It sucked major ass but I don’t care. I love weird circuses SO much and I love Coach Oleander so it was fun getting to see the merging backgrounds of him and Raz. It just has so many super cool parts to the level that I think get overlooked because of people getting upset at the gameplay.

least favorite: Gloria’s theater :( it’s like the whole reason I haven’t replayed the first game . The setup of the level itself is boring and cramped and the mechanics for the level are confusing and i dont like it!!! Which sucks bc i love Gloria and her story is really sweet but i really dont think her level does her justice in any regard.

Spoilers for game 2 under the cut just in case you want to avoid it for now til you finish!

Favorite in game two: It’s such a tossup every time because like. Psi-King’s sensorium is full of wonderful music and in-your-face art design, Loboto’s Labyrinth is so well designed and a wonderful intro into the game that lets you know exactly what you’re getting into, Bob’s Bottle’s is gorgeous and fucking HEARTBREAKING oh my GOD. But I think Cassie’s Collection is my favorite overall because it has stellar level design, great music, and is the level of one of my favorite characters. Honestly the fact that Cassie is my favorite character is probably the only reason i can make this decision. I lvoe her sm shes so wonderful and her level tells such a good story :) I genuinely think the only downside is how lackluster the final boss is. It feels like its missing something and I completely forget about it until the moment I have to fight her.

Least favorite: Lucretia’s lament… Fun area, but very clearly meant to be a quick exposition level. Not a lot for you to really uncover, unlike a lot of the other levels that are packed with hidden secrets and details and stuff. It’s really pretty, I especially love the quilted area, but you just feel so boxed in when you play through it that it feels like setdressing. Type of railroading feel that is more reminiscent of the first game than the New and Improved psychonauts 2. I feel like if i had more of an opportunity to look around and explore and Experience the different areas I’d have more of an appreciation for it, but you don’t really get that unfortunately!

Close second is Hollis’ Classroom/Hotstreaks PURELY because ive restarted the game and only gotten halfway so many times that I’ve replayed those sections an unGODLY amount and its left a Hollis’-Classroom-shaped-indent in my BRAIN. But then i remember how cool her level is and I get normal.

[three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat]

@cosmetichorror sorry it took me so long, I had to decide if I wanted to tell you every detail or like. basic outline. (you get basic outline and me talking about the writing experience, sorry. fortunately, I will (maybe) have the first chapter done soon! she says, 6 months after starting it). I've spent so much time on it I don't want to spoil it (is that weird?)

my reincarnation au is... exactly what it sounds like. sksw link is reincarnated with all his memories. (unfortunately, it rapidly grew far beyond what I expected)

this is my most romance centered fic (easy feat. I dont write it) after fots, which means link spends half of his time missing groose and zelda, and also maybe the one with the heaviest topics

I hit Link with the Comedically Large Angst Hammer™️ several times (fun fact: this was the fic where I started using parentheses for angst! fun for me, anyway) while also making jokes every five seconds, because link is, at his core, kind of stupid. He's close to having a breakdown every ten seconds at the current point in writing

I get through minish cap and four swords fairly quickly (stopping only for worldbuilding and angst, as one does), and then ocarina of time, which currently has 6k words out of 7k and is only growing (help me)

oot and mm happen much the same (but fi is there), and then it seems like it's over! time for twilight princess!

HAHA, NO ITS NOT.

fierce deity shows up, and this is where I make up the headcanons I still use six months later. (not telling you, go read first of the sword if you want part of it (<<< blatant advertising))

fd travels with link for a while, and then we reach the part I call "forgot I dislike [spoilers], remembered it, and then immediately made him the asshole he is"

(this is a good thing, actually, because link acknowledges (some of) the negative emotions he's been holding in for 30 years! then he goes back to shoving them all down immediately.)

I continue dragging oot out for an unnecessarily long amount of time, which is what I'm currently doing right now (the end is close, i can feel it. I will probably get distracted again.)

brief explanation of the split timelines: adult and child are normal, Hylia-sanctioned timelines, downfall is what happens when you fuck around with the triforce and kill one of its bearers in already unstable situation

anyway, that's it (i actually meant basic outline)- if you have any questions, feel free to ask! (or suggestions, this is very much a no planning ahead fic)

[pensiveabstraction]

15 questions 15 mutuals

ty @dont-leafmealone and @elfinfair for the tags

were you named after anyone? for my deadname one of my middle names was the same middle name as my mum, my new first name and first middle name are indirectly and directly taken from the names of characters i like

when was the last time you cried? i think it was, i finally watched into the spiderverse for the first time like two months ago seeing all the hype abt the sequel, and when the big sad emotional climax moment happened, the one during the big fight, i was crying, not silent leaking eyes maybe sniffling a bit, like full on open mouthed sobbing. shit just hit me rly hard, that movie's so good

do you have kids? nah

do you use sarcasm a lot? i think so yeah. unfortunately i am also extremely monotone so i frequently have to be like 'no i was kidding' bc out lout my normal voice and sarcasm voice must sound a lot closer together than in my head

what's the first thing you notice about people? idk i guess i notice if their clothes style and whether face looks like someone i know/know of

what's your eye color? greenish-grey last time i checked

scary movies or happy endings? both. depends what mood im in tbh. if im watching a movie i dont usually have a huuuge preference of genre, i tend to prefer stories w somewhat developed characters who have arcs so u'd think that'd make me averse to scary films where the characters r sometimes neglected/used as a blank slate to experience The Horror through the eyes of but i ALSO rly like well built up tension and just,,, interesting creepy vibes. i usually try to stay open minded w watchin stuff. however there are times when i feel down and just wanna watch some dudes fuck around and have everything come up alright in the end

any special talents? hmm. man idk. im pretty good at making minecraft skins does that count lol.

where were you born? england and i shall say no more

what are your hobbies? writing, reading fics (do not look how many bookmarks i have on ao3 why would you need to), drawing's fun. used to watch twitch a bunch but the main streamer id watch aint comin back so w for my sleep schedule ig

have any pets? yes a dog he is an old man he looks sort of like a skeletal dark souls creature (not through maltreatment he eats like a king his breed r just skinny asses lol)

what sports do you play/have you played? netball, softball, cricket, bit of tag rugby, loads of rounders, street hockey was my fav out fo em i was pretty ok at defending (all of these r from when i was still in p.e. classes in high school idk if that counts but its what i got)

how tall are you? last i checked 165cm (like 5,5 in the other measures i think)

favorite subject in school? hmm. probably either art or english. though i only rly got an appreciation for english when i did this additional gifted kid project thingy and rather than just literally tell us an interpretation of a text to memorise for an exam the teachers gave us a bunch of analytical lenses to choose from to analyse a text and i was like "yo wait interpreting meanings from the text is kinda fun when you havent got bitches in your ear telling you 'ok so this is exactly what the author meant and you just need to memorise that and write it in the test'"

dream job? i honestly have no idea. i wouldve said author once but i enjoy doing it for fun, i dont think id be able to make smth publishable and if i somehow did i feel like itd ruin it. if i had some kind of like repetetive but simple task and i just had to do it over and over, maybe listen to music or a podcast or smth in one ear i feel like so long as i earnt a decent amount id be cool with it. i am a simple little guy my dreams amount to 'eh id like to do some cool stuff :]'

i dont think i have 15 mutuals so ill just tag a bunch @jctko @thinkingjasico @captainchibi @zodismegalame @aroacekitty @glummar @ablueeyedarcher @erisenyo

[sanstropfremir]

What do you think of the term ‘over dancing’ that has been used by some kpop fans to criticise dancers ?

i think that most kpop fans don't know what the fuck they're talking about lmao. i feel like i'm saying this all the time so apologies for repeating myself but camera performance and live performance are different methods and the ubiquity and access to video has unfortunately left the impression on the general public that they are the same. everything about what you do changes when your audience is 25 feet away and not up your nose in high definition. we're pretty spoiled in that a lot of kpop content is professionally filmed, but what most fans don't realize is that idols are not being trained to be film actors. they're being trained for performing on stages; your gestures need to be big in order to be seen at all. also: what does 'over-dancing' even mean? if i were to use it, i would use it to describe someone who is vastly outperforming their groupmates to a degree where it is detrimental to a performance, but i can't think of any performances where that is the case. if anything, there are significantly more people who underperform. kpoppies are just used to watching a lot of people go girl give us nothing, so when someone comes around to deliver an actually stage worthy performance, it's 'too much.' just because suzy q on twitter thinks someone's 'over-dancing' in a 4k mcountdown fancam doesn't mean that that energy isn't exactly what's needed to get the motion across to a concert hall full of people.

[a-sad-machine]

The Truth (part one)

So as a nice anon once asked for it, here is the first part of my thoughts on which people would find out the truth in the friendly!Impostor sagau, and how/why they managed to do so! :D

 i will probably split this up into multiple posts bc i am kinda new to writing, and also im probably just gonna do general stuff now and specifics later (i really gotta figure out how to work on my posts n stuff as well, i dont even know how to do the ‘read more’ thing qwq)

Mondstadt

so first off the city we all began in, cuz its easy to start with uwu

the ones whomst i think would notice that you are actually the real creator: albedo, eula, kaeya, lisa, rosaria, mona, and maybe venti

albedo, eula, kaeya, lisa and rosaria know because they’re all pretty observant, weather it’s because of their instincts and knowledge ganed throughout their lives (eula, lisa and rosaria) or their paranoia born from wanting to protect their home from themself and/or outside forces (albedo and kaeya)

mona would know because of her ability to see the future, she probably tried looking into yours once and suddenly saw the devine creator on their throne, not hard to connect the dots at that point

i think all the archons would know something is off about you from the moment they meet you, thought they’d take different amounts of time to realise what exactly is going on. I believe venti would be the second of the current archons to know, only beated my the archon of knowledge herself. Afterall, he is all about freedom and creativity, so he has an open mind as to why he feels so weird about you, which leads him to the truth earlier than the other archons

the ones who would think something is suspicious, but either wouldnt think of you as the creator or not have proof woud be: amber, bennett, diluc, and jean

diluc and jean notice because they’re also quite observant, thought they are too devoted to the creator to actually think of you being the real one as a solid theory. they might have spend some moments thinking about it, but dismissed it just a few seconds later

amber and bennett are a special case. they mostly notice because of the time they spend with you. i imagine as an outrider and experienced adventurer amber spends a lot of time showing you the best spots of mondstadt. during these times there are bound to be moments where you are just too lucky, which add up to make her question if you are really just a blessed human, or even more. bennett has kind of the same thought process, but mostly since you are able to protect him from all the incidents his bad luck causes. you can’t just be a normal human, anyone else would’ve already gotten badly hurt being around you! maybe you’re just really special, blessed by the creator to be even able to be near him wtihout any unfortunate incidents.

the ones that are too devoted to find anything off with you are: barbara, noelle and succrose

barabara of course is fully devoted to her archon and the church of the divine creator. the thought of Impostor-chan lying or posing as you would never even crossed her mind, since they could never lie to their followers like that (you did tho lol)

noelle is very similar, though less focused on the church and more on just wanting to please people. she has never been able to say no, and probably went to church at leat every sunday to attend the ceremonies in your name. so it’s hard to connect such an unreachable and seemingly perfect being to you, who doesn’t even know how to survive in the wilderness and always returns from expeditions covered in dirt with a smile on their face

sucrose might seem weird at first because she is more into science, but she believes that this is all part of your grand plan. her experiments are only using what was given by the divine creator after all! So while she might like you for your likeness to the ‘divine being’, it takes a while for her to see past the surface and see you for your actual self

the ones that either don’t care or don’t really seem religious are: diona, fischl, klee and razor

diona and klee are honestly just wayyyyyy too young to really care about religion too much. they’re more interested in blowing up fish or creating a horribly tastig drink, so when they meet you, they don’t have too much of an opinion about the divine creator, and just see you as another fun and slightly reckless adventurer

fischl has too much of a chunibyo syndrome. she has always been enraptured in her own fantasy, which didn’t leave too much room for the divine creator. though she has made up a few scenarios with you in mind, they’re all outlandish enough to never connect to you, which means she will adress you as another one of her followers (and freak out if she ever realises who you actually are)

razor just simply doesn’t really know about you. his lupical taught him of a divine being that created all of the lands, far and near, even those which he and the wolves live in! but he thought that the being would be another wolf like andrius, not a human like you, though you do smell kind of strange... he might not think too much of it thought, since he doesn’t know too much of humans yet

(so uh, yeah! hope this kinda was a good thing to read for ppl! if y’all have any requests or questions, send ‘em in and i’ll try to answer to the best of my ability! :D thanks for reading if you’ve even gotten to this point!!)

[funkymbtifiction]

hi! so i wanted some general advice, i am an ISFP and 80% sure a 4w5 if that helps, but essentially I'm in my 20's and my entire life i've always just done whatever felt right at the moment and a couple years ago i finally found out that art was my actual passion so i just went ahead and started focusing on that eventhough i knew i wouldnt make money and had no connections i just knew it was my thing and i loved it, so that was almost 3 years ago and for the first time i felt kind of healthy in the sense that i was making art all the time so i had this always incomming sensorial experience and i was able to push myself to have a schedule (work a little on my Te) and make stuff with a certain amount of time, and i felt very balanced? it was good but lately idk, its been getting harder for me to make stuff and working on my interests? Idk I guess my question is how do I get out of this funk? I just feel so lost and just standing on an empty space of nothingness that also doesnt allow me to create and i feel like i know the answer is probably you have to push yourself and create even if u kind of like ehhh about it and that will help but i'm scared? like normally i dont really care about what will happen to me career wise, i just do what i want and believe the universe will solve itself and everything will fall into place because of my will but lately i'm just terrified that my art will not get me anywhere, suddenly i have this fear that i'm waisting my time and i just want to know how to forget about that and just do what i always do but then again, should i even forget about that? is that even healthy? and if it's not, how do i find a balance? I'm sorry if this is a little long, I just needed some type of advice if it's even possible? Either way tysm for your blog and comments <3

I'm sorry. I know that this is frustrating, to reach that point where you are wondering if there's any point to doing this, because you are not being successful at it.

For what it's worth, a lot of IFPs (and EFPs) choose careers based on what they love and/or think that they should monetize their passions -- the problem is, as you point out, they lack the know-how and social skills to be self-promoting; they are often introverted loners who just want to paint or write or create things, rather than be out there actively selling them, making connections, and socializing. Most artists are sensitive, creative loners, because that's how you create things -- alone. They are not natural self-promoters. For this reason, artists need other people to sell their art, in the same way it's better for a writer to have someone else promoting their books, while they focus on writing another one. There's also the problem of, as you are currently experiencing, trying to make a living or a success at it, being discouraged when that doesn't happen (for most people, it doesn't), and then facing indecision and angst about your craft. If there's no point, why am I doing this? am I wasting my time? does anyone even care? should I be doing something else instead?

That's why most higher Te users tell creatives not to try and make a living at their art -- because the need to sell it becomes so all-encompassing, either out of a desire to succeed or a need to make an actual living -- that it taints the creative experience; it's no longer self-expression and enjoyable, it's no longer relaxing, because there's so much pressure on you to "make something of it." Some people do make a living doing what they love -- but even then there's a trade-off of trying to produce consistently, give people more of what they want, etc. Most creative types need to do what they love for themselves and in their spare time, and find a job they can tolerate that earns them enough money to be creative for fun and personal enjoyment.

I obviously can't tell you what to do, but it may be time to step back, evaluate what you love about art, and whether trying to be successful at it is going to kill your love of doing it (it sounds like it's happening now? and creating apathy?), and look at your other options. You may find that relieving the pressure of NEEDING to do this helps reawaken your love of creation just for ME. If you love art, and you want it to be part of your inner experience, your way of sharing your emotions in the world, then you don't need to make money off doing it -- you need to be doing it because you love it, and it's enjoyable. You need a job to pay the bills, and a hobby to fill you with personal satisfaction and enjoyment. Higher Te's understand this dynamic better than FPs -- I work so I can do what I love in my spare time.

[whumpurr]

Adrien and Sawdust part 6

cw: pet whump, whump recovery, bodily mutilation, self harm, brief and vague mention of past noncon, dehumanization, conditioned whumpee, unreliable narrator, brief mention of dissociation

masterlist

Sawdust was searching for his bag the second Master was gone. He hopped out of bed, punctuated with a fit of dizziness as he got to his feet, and crawled around the room looking for his duffel bag. The bright blue bag was nowhere to be found, and Sawdust wasn’t great at seeing in the dark either.

He started to wonder, to second guess himself. Did Master put the bag somewhere in the room and Sawdust just isn’t seeing it? Is he overlooking it? Did he even have a bag at all? Did it come with him to this new house, or was it left with his previous master? No, no, he remembered seeing it next to his kennel with those other people.

If he left the room now, Master would surely hear it and question him, or worse, punish him for disturbing his sleep. As much as Sawdust wanted his ears back, he just had to trust that Master would return them in due time.

Sleeping was difficult without the familiar squeeze of his headband around his head, but with a full stomach he managed to eventually fall asleep even if it took a while.

Sunlight came all too soon for Sawdust. The light peeked through the curtains and he couldn’t physically sleep any more. He was dreading going downstairs and having to face his master, having to eat beside him. He could only imagine what his master was going to do to him. Would he record him? Bring his friends over and show him how pathetic and stupid he looked eating out of a bowl on the floor? Sawdust shook himself out of his thoughts; he was just a dog anyways, he shouldn’t have enough of an ego to be embarrassed.

He was getting himself out of bed, going down onto his hands and knees when he heard a soft knock on the door, followed by Master’s quiet voice.

“Sawdust?” Master said from the other side of the heavy wooden door. “Come on, let’s go get some food.”

Sawdust got to the door and opened it with his paw, stepping out and following Master.

Master gave him a bowl of dog food once he was downstairs. Sawdust half contemplated asking Master about his ears, but really, if Master had taken them away then it was because Sawdust did not deserve them any more.

“Master,” Sawdust murmured, “Is- is there anything your pet can- can do? To assist?”

Master looked thoughtful for a moment then laughed, laughed at Sawdust.

“I think my work stuff is a bit advanced for you,” Master took a bite of his own food, “I want you to focus on… recovery, for now. Okay? That means you rest up and come get me if you want anything, food, water, whatever.”

Sawdust nodded, “Yes, Master,” before he continued eating, the hard kibble crunching satisfyingly between his teeth. He couldn’t work up the courage to ask Master about the ears or his bag, or where they’ve gone.

Lunch and dinner went similarly, with Master coming, getting his pet, and taking him downstairs to eat. Each time Sawdust couldn’t work himself up enough to ask Master about his ears. The lack of his ears made Sawdust feel… Wrong. Like he wasn’t a real dog, like he was a subpar pet. He wasn’t good enough to this new Master who had otherwise been so kind to him. What had he done to deserve this?

Night eventually fell, and Sawdust did his best to do as Master said and get to sleep. He curled up in the nest of blankets and pillows that his Master had made in the corner for him, and let himself begin to drift off. As he was doing so, he couldn’t help but wonder why his Master was withholding his belongings from him. Nevertheless, his eyelids grew heavy, and he eventually fell into a deep sleep.

--

Adrien was still getting accustomed to feeding someone using a dog bowl, with dog food, on the floor. It was a strange experience, and doing it made him feel dirty, but it was all Sawdust was going to accept so if it was between that or making the pet starve again, he would have to go with the former.

He was still very aware of just how lost he was in all of this. He searched the internet and scoured his social media for something that could give him some kind of life preserver in all of this. Finally, finally, he found something. A chatroom for pet owners. From the looks of it, it was heavily moderated and geared more towards pet liberation activists, and pet rehabbers, and people who actually cared for their pets. He requested to join and was accepted within the hour. He immediately sent a message to the ‘help’ section.

Adrien: >> Hey guys, I’m a new owner and I didn’t do as much research as I should have. >> Long story short, I didn’t keep as close an eye on my pet as I should’ve, and he ended up not eating because I wasn’t giving him dog food. Is that a normal thing? How can I help him?

It wasn’t five minutes before one of the other owners responded,

1Y4N4: >> oof, thats no good dude.. definitely watch him harder and probably just stick to feeding him what he wants for now. u said hes new right? let him stay in his comfort zone for a little bit probably

Adrien: >> Thanks. I’ll do that.

1Y4N4: >> np, im a bit more experienced as an owner but i dont think mine were as conditioned as urs >> at least not in that way

Zo: >> Bro wtf? You’re the source of your pet’s whole life and shit, you really should’ve done more research.

Adrien sat and watched as this ‘Zo’ person continued to rip into Adrien for his irresponsibility, though the ‘1Y4N4’ user at least tried to defend Adrien. It wasn’t long before Zo quieted down and 1Y4N4 was able to speak up again,

1Y4N4: >> lots of actual dogs eat things that arent dog chow >> maybe show your pet some videos of people feeding their dogs other stuff, maybe hell be more open then

Adrien thanked the user, and used the rest of his evening compiling some videos and researching, finding the outer bounds of what dogs could eat in hopes that he could convince Sawdust. It was far from exactly what he wanted, but he felt some semblance of satisfaction that there was at least a way to progress forwards.

--

Sawdust finally came up with a plan when he was coming out of the bathroom the next morning. It was before Adrien had gotten up. As Sawdust was leaving the bathroom, he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

His hair was all matted, and the fringe at his forehead was beginning to grow to hide his eyes. He looked lacking without his ears. There were deep circles under his eyes. At least the peaks of his cheeks and his lips were starting to regain some color now that he had a steady supply of food which he undoubtedly did not deserve. The scratched scar across his nose bridge and cheek that one of the other dogs gave him was still there. He looked at that and followed it across his face to his second ears.

His dumb second ears, the ones on either side of his head that his last master hated so much. His previous master had always told him that they made him look less like a dog, less like a pet, when a pet was all Sawdust ever wanted to be. Because if he wasn’t a pet, then he was a toy for both Master and the other dogs, and that was one step above the most reprehensible thing he could be. He had been downgraded to ‘toy’ for a short amount of time previously, and he was eternally grateful that he was never dropped even lower, to being nothing but food for the other dogs.

Master threatened that sometimes, chopping him up and feeding him to the other dogs.

Whenever Sawdust looked at himself in the mirror, he couldn’t help imagine it. Being cut up and thrown to other animals to eat. He found some part of himself that felt that- even if he could never do anything else right- he could do that right. He tried to halt that train of thought as quickly as he could, before his mind shunted him off to some dark, foggy place where he couldn’t think or feel until the bad thoughts went away.

But at the root of those thoughts, he found the problem, as well as the solution. He scrambled down to the kitchen as fast as he could go, wanting to work quickly before he could stop himself.

He got to the kitchen sink, and stood up on trembling, unused legs. They could hardly support his weight, he had to lean onto the granite countertop with his elbows as he reluctantly removed the tape from his paws using his teeth. He would need his fingers for this.

Sawdust’s breath was quick in his throat, the edges of his vision grew blurry as he tried to focus on this and only this. He had one task and he was not going to fail it. He wanted his ears back. He wanted his master to be happy with him again. Maybe this way he could earn his master’s attention and... Maybe even his affection, if a pet was allowed to hope.

Sawdust’s paws were shaky and clumsy as they took out the biggest knife out of the wooden blog. It was heavy and cold in his paw. With one paw he held the tip of one of his second ears and pulled it as far away from his head as he could.

The cold edge of the blade rested on his skin, at the valley between his second ear and his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn’t break down now, he couldn’t stop now. He took a deep, sharp breath and pressed down on the knife as hard as his feeble paws could.

--

Adrien shot out of bed to the sound of a piercing, howling scream from downstairs.

taglist: @starnight-whump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi@neuro-whump @whump-me-all-night-long @cupcakes-and-pain @whumpzone @whumpcreations @dancinglifeboat @pinkraindropsfell @looptheloup @cowboy-anon @meetmeinhellcroutons @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @firewheeesky @maracujatangerine

[psychoticallytrans]

hi i hope this isnt a weird question to ask but. uhm tomorrow i have to tell my therapist about a maybe-psychotic-depression episode i had last week and im like, Nervous:tm: and unsure how or what to say? this is probably So stupid to ask but is there. i dont know. a script for this kind of thing, a limit to what i should disclose (im trying to avoid institutionalization, im in college and i cant afford to miss class)? therapy in general is new to me and while ive maybe had episodes like this in the past, the one i had last week was a new level of intense, too, so im just very out of my depth. thank you so much if you reply to this and if you cant thats okay too <3

This took me a long time to get around to. This probably won't help you in particular, anon, but I hope it helps others.

I will disclaim before this post that I have had extremely traumatic experiences in therapy. I came out of therapy with more disabilities and more severe ones than when I went in, and at least one of my therapists can be pinned as a direct cause. That will color this post.

The problem of therapy and disclosure is that... therapists are people, and they are people whose word holds an incredible amount of sway when considering how to act in regards to their clients. That sway is a problem because of how ableism and specifically saneism interact with the medical industry and with society. We are not seen as arbiters of our experiences. They are seen as the authorities on us. Everything you disclose will be filtered through the therapist, all of their prejudices and preconceptions, before it becomes something that the medical system will take seriously.

Amplifying this is the unavailability of therapy and how very few therapists are also mentally ill. If they are, it's even rarer to find one with a disorder that is considered "threatening"- for a reason. The inventor of DBT was BPD, and the second she revealed this, she was essentially exiled from her community. This means, in order, that a) a lot of people have to either adapt to their therapist or go without therapy and b) that therapists can very rarely actually relate to the experiences of clients that need heavy-duty help.

They might be presented as cutesy and "just here to help", but therapists are still medical professionals administering medical treatment with medical authority, and should be treated by disabled people with every caution that you treat a normal doctor with.

As such, this is my advice.

a) Don't disclose any heavy duty symptoms or trauma until you've tested them on some lighter topics, and they've handled them well. "Well" means not denying your experiences, respecting boundaries that you put up, and not acting like mental illness being in your head means you can think yourself well in a few hours. To define "heavy duty" generally, think about what you would put behind a trigger warning for an audience of adults.

b) Don't sign anything without reading it in full. If you don't understand it, tell them you need time to understand it before you can sign it. If they respond to this by telling you to just sign it or that it's not important, that should send alarm bells clanging in your head.

c) Request your medical record. Even if you're not concerned about your therapist, it lets you see their notes. It can be very informative.

d) If they pass as a decent person, then only one disclosure should get you institutionalization: confessing that you are going to hurt yourself or another person. If you can't afford institutionalization, and this is a problem for you, then you are going to have to find ways to deal with that without telling your therapist that. This is actually very easy. As long as you don't tell them that the feeling is current, you can ask for advice. "I sometimes have problems with wanting to hurt myself. Can you help me?" or "I worry that I might do harm to other people- what can I do to avoid that?" are great ways to phrase it that should still get you help as long as you can keep them in the past or future tense. If either of these is an active problem for you, seek whatever help you safely can.

e) Understand that therapy is medical treatment. It is very possible to perform great healing with it. It is also very possible to perform great medical malpractice.

You only have one mind. Be careful who you trust with it.

[systemexploration]

my friend who is a system thinks i might also be a system because i’ve been showing some symptoms. i don’t experience amnesia, nor do i forget important details about myself. i only forget small stuff, like day-to-day chores, meals i ate, and conversations i’ve had

my friend said they think i have it because i’ve mentioned dissociating a lot and i seem to have a blurred sense of identity (i’ve been struggling with my gender and sexuality for years. i’ve thought that i might be genderfluid or abrosexual but neither of those labels feel right to me)

i brought it up to my therapist, and my mom had me do a check up with a psychiatrist. both of them said i probably don’t have it, and my therapist said i’m young so obviously i’m going to be questioning my identity

but i feel like i might have it. i think i’ve had alters front before, and i think i have a few? i don’t know. i don’t if i’m making all of this up for attention or if i’m just crazy

first of all (/lh) if those are experiences you have had, you arent making it up! your experiences are valid whether or not they connect to being plural or being a singlet

long post below!

(for some reason i didnt write this in order of the topics you brought up) (also all this is /nm and /npa! i apologize if the way i word things comes across a little aggressive, i struggle with sounding serious but not mad sometimes)

but onto the main topic, i do agree that it is very common for teens (ik you just said you are young, im assuming, but also talking generally /nm /lh) to question their identity a lot! its part of growing up, figuring yourself out. our core, Mouse, went through many, many sexuality/orientation labels before settling on aroace. those werent a part of our systemhood btw, those were just part of Mouse's self discovery. a struggle with labels can definitely be a sign of being plural but also it can be part of the identity stuggle that a majority of teens face.

about the amnesia and forgetting things. amnesia isnt a need for being plural. having trouble remembering things is a part of being plural but it also is a part of being a singlet. there is a normal amount of short term memory loss for people but it can get to a point where there is a reason for it or something that is causing it. we have a friend with autism and adhd who experiences more short term memory loss that is considered normal. with plurals, there are many different ways memory is handled. it can go from headmates having their own individual memory all the way to memory being a thing all headmates can access. most of our memory is accessible but there are a couple things that only a few of us remember (we dont know what it is due to those remembering it purposely not telling us). we also can experience forgetfulness when we switch but it is usually only small things. so to sum that all up, amnesia isnt a plural requirement and forgetting smaller things may or may not be a sign of being plural.

dissociating is definitely a bigger thing than the last two topics. if you dissociate a lot then that is something that i would recommend looking into and bringing up with your therapist if you havent. people can dissociate a few times in their life without it being a result of something but it happening a lot is a sign of a reason being behind it. dissociation is a part of plurality (not required) but there are also dissociative disorders that arent DID or OSDD (though non disordered plurals can still dissociate.). i am not at all trying to say you have a dissociative disorder, i have no place to say that, but i do recommend talking to your therapist more about it and looking into stuff about it yourself!

and finally, if you think you have had alters front before then definitely keep researching stuff about plurality! try to pay more attention to when you remember things vs when you dont, your mindsets/personalities, and try to see if you can call out to anyone in your head to see if they will straight up respond! if you do feel like anyone is there but they are still vague, try to give them a name and refer to them as a separate person than you. that can help with clarity and communication. (all /nf)

overall, with the experiences you have talked about, there are definitely other things that can be the cause but that is the case with most mental divergencies. the fact that there can be other reasons doesnt mean that it is definitely not plurality. if you are more confident that it might be plurality i do think you should continue to learn about it! unfortunately i cant give you a yes or no about being plural, that is something you are going to have to figure out yourself /lh

absolutely feel free to continue to ask questions if you continue looking into plurality though!

Some helpful resources from @/the-plural-archive