pensiveabstraction

[pensiveabstraction]

So, I've been having this stupid overelaborate idea for a binggeyuan au for a hot minute now and I'd like to get it off my chest

Basically, Bingge goes out to find his kind shizun, as Bingge does, and finds Shen Yuan.

In the trip, he loses Xin Mo, so he's stuck in the modern era with (anti) fan Shen Yuan. He doesn't fully clock Shen Yuan as the kind Shizun from the other world at first but he has his suspicions.

Meanwhile, on Shen Yuan's end, he was going to go out and pester Airplane about his writing when he opened his door, saw Luo fucking Binghe passed out on his doorstep, saw a weird computer screen pop up in his vision, and panicked. Yup, the system is here too and it's attached itself to both Shen Yuan and Airplane.

Airplane is assigned the role of 'narrator' by the system, allowing him minor invulnerability and the ability to track the story. Airplane is freaking out because if this is anything like the stories he writes for himself, they're fucked, and if it's anything like the stories he writes for money, they're fucked, literally.

He's particularly worried about his only friend/greatest critic because Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe are both marked as the protagonist and antagonist. The cumplane duo can discuss this with each other but they're forbidden from sharing it with anyone else.

Shen Yuan is worried because, "How can I compete with the Luo Binghe, you dumbfuck author!" and Airplane is worried because, "Cucumber bro, my idea of a good story is a tragedy!" "I'll say." "No, bro, I'm serious, I mean a tragedy!"

Shen Yuan's life starts to fall apart; his eldest brother dies, his parents distance themselves from him, his chronic disability starts giving him more trouble than usual, generally shitty life stuff that would work to leave a protagonist sad and miserable. Add the fact that the PIDW world is starting to blend into their world and Shen Yuan is going through it.

Oh, but that's not even the peak of the iceberg. Luo Bingge figured out that Shen Yuan is somehow the same person as the kind Shizun and is clinging to him. However, Bingge is a wee bit fucked up and he wants exactly what he wants, not some off brand of it. Thus, he starts nudging Shen Yuan to act a bit more like the Shen Qingqiu he encountered, convincing him to grow his hair out, convincing him to wear more green, buys him fans.

Shen Yuan finds himself falling for Bingge, despite his own panic, denial, and concern. When Bingge shyly confuses his admiration for Shen Yuan despite his struggles, they end up spending a wonderful night together.

Airplane is suspect of his friend's relationship; he wrote Bingge after all and he knows how he'd write a tragedy about Bingge and someone who truly loved him.

He's... he's not wrong.

Bingge expects Shen Yuan to fall to his beck and call, to be yet another wife, unwilling (and unable) to give the same care and attention back.

When Shen Yuan is not perfectly subservient and docile for Bingge, he starts seeing a woman, to make Shen Yuan jealous. See!!!! Bingge totally doesn't need you!!!!

Shen Yuan is. He's coping. He knew what kind of person Luo Bingge is. One papapa and ship them into the harem to never be seen again. Shen Yuan doesn't know why he expected different. However, he does respect himself more than that and politely asks that Bingge not sleep with him while he's seeing this girl. Which. Is the opposite of what Bingge wanted or expected. "Yuan-gege! Don't you want this lord anymore? Is he not desirable? How dare you ignore this lord!"

So now Shen Yuan is moping because he thinks Bingge only loved him because he looks like another and that he's just another bitch in the ditch.

Luo Bingge is pouting because his tried and true methods of seduction aren't working on his new kind Shizun and instead attracting all the wrong people! He doesn't want to be swarmed by many women, he wants Shi- Shen Yuan!

Airplane, watching Shen Yuan and Luo Bingge fall deeper into miscommunication and bitter, hurt feelings: oh. Oh no.

When the PIDW world bursts into their own, featuring a convenient hole into the Endless Abyss, Shen Yuan and Bingge are caught in the middle of it and with it, a pretty nasty argument.

Shen Yuan accuses Bingge of planning a hostile takeover and Bingge accuses Shen Yuan of trying to hold him back.

One thing leads to another and Bingge accidentally pushes Shen Yuan into the abyss.

Whoops.

[pensiveabstraction]

Thinking of Luo Bingge trying to seduce a nice Shizun for himself and failing miserably.

LBG, used to women throwing themselves at his feet just by being in their proximity, utterly confused as SY won't also fall to his knees and beg to be ravished. He doesn't even have a LBH of his own, LBG checked!!!

SY thinks he's handsome and charming and sooo cool, but also LBG will surely kill him if he steps out of line :) no thanks :). And as he finds himself being subjected to over the top courtship attempts, he thinks LBG must want something from him. info? Treasures? No need for this charade, Junshang, you just need to ask!

One time, they get sex pollened and LBG is like "finally! Now he'll beg me to help him with my magical Heavenly demon cum" and SY will just stab himself until the pain and adrenaline overwhelm the horniness and he bleeds out the poison because 1) he's straight! And more importantly "I would never put Luo Binghe in a situation in which he doesn't have the choice to say no!"

LBG is stumped, heals him quickly with his magical Heavenly demon blood, and remains in a state of shock for a week. Also, for some reason he can't stand the sight of Qin Wanyue anymore.

When he does finally pull that bad bitch, he doesn't get rid of his harem (love alone can't heal this man. He also craves the attention as he craves air) and SY understands it. He had his moment, now is time to vanish into the harem and stay the fuck away from Harem politics.

LBG goes to check his new husband, it's been a week since they had some time together, longer since their wedding night, and the sense of accomplishment remains. (Take that Inferior Luo Binghe! Superior Luo Binghe had bitches AND a nice Shizun!) And tries to seduce him into bed, but SY being SY needs to do a little song and dance before getting plowed and LBG has no clue what's going on.

Why won't he say yes immediately?? What do you mean with "aiyah... I'm a bit occupied"??? You're?? My husband??? Open your legs??? Oh! You need to be seduced more?? Alright, I'll do it.

And he tries to tempt him like he does all his wives, bedroom eyes and a deep voice and soft touches and. It. Won't. Fucking. work.

SY doesn't want coaxing! He doesn't know what he actually wants but for some reason this is not doing anything for him (he wants tears and pouts, something that LBG is too prideful to even think about trying).

After a few more attempts Shen Yuan feels his pussy dry out of frustration and goes:

"You know what, Binghe? Just go ask another wife, I'm not in the mood now." And LBG is like,

"Ah my dear husband is jealous, no need, you, exclusively, may have this lord for the night."

And SY is like, offended, because he is actually a bit jealous but how does LBG dare say that out loud?? How insensitive!! Spare this old man some face!! To be a man jealous of those flowers perfuming your garden is so humiliating!! And SY, petty bitch that he is, raises an eyebrow and says, "Perhaps my lord should visit lady (name of wife #78) she has been more neglected than this husband, so she needs our Lord more than I."

LBG gets forceful in his frustration because he wants DICK and HOLE, not HOLE and HOLE! and SY palm strikes him and sends LBG flying. LBG shakes off the dust and stomps fuming towards wife #78's room. Then, unsatisfied, goes to visit five more wives until the sun rises.

After that SY gets snappish and cold and poor LBG is SO triggered.

SY: *glares at him over his fan*

LBG: this reminds me of something that I do NOT want to think about. No, sir. Don't like how it feels.

What did he do?? Why do even the nice Shizuns reject him?? Is there actually something wrong with him??? No. No, it can be.

He'll show his husband! He's rejecting him, hm? LBG will reject him back!! He'll ignore him!!! See how he likes it! Hmph!! He'll come crawling back.

He doesn't. Shen Yuan takes this as a sign Luo Bingge can't be satisfied by a man and, hurt and angry, just lets him.

And Shen Yuan becomes quite the unfavored "wife" and thus a victim of Harem plotting, and he asks to be sent to another residence, much to Luo Bingge's ire. His request gets denied, and SY, feeling like an unwanted pet whose owner refuses to give away out of a sense of ownership, turns even colder towards Luo Bingge.

LBG is a fucking mess. He tries to make SY jealous, let's himself get caught balls deep in the wife of the week by SY. Flaunts his favoritism for others and makes SY watch. But SY doesn't show any reaction to any of it. And when he does, it's just disappointment.

But he's not disappointed that he isn't the one sitting on LBG's lap (something clear in some other wives faces, who stare at the chosen wife resentfully) he's disappointed in Luo Bingge.

And Luo Bingge can tell the difference.

(Sometimes, Shen Yuan thinks, what's cool in fiction is just... Sad and hurtful in real life.)

Luo Bingge does a 180 and now tries to seduce him by courting him like he did before getting married. But Shen Yuan, unlike the other wives, doesn't just forget and forgive the shit Luo Binghe pulled before. He's not snappish, but quiet, still disappointed, sad. He seems to have fallen out of love. And no matter what Luo Bingge does he can't make him fall in love again.

He's tried everything, no matter what he does he just can't close the breach between them.

Luo Bingge just can't win with this man.

And Shen Yuan has not fallen out of love, he's just realized how petty and sad his husband is. And he doesn't know how to reach him, how to help him. LBG thinks they're playing cat and mouse and doesn't realize he actually hurt SY. And when he finally apologizes, SY remarks that he's apologizing that SY was so hurt over LBG's treatment, and not for giving him said treatment. LBG can't understand the difference.

And SY knows him, knows him better than LBG will ever know. And he says he forgives him, but LBG can't tell if he means it or not.

SY does mean it. Because he understands why LBG did what he did, and although it was not right, LBG didn't know any better now, did he? SY won't take this peace of mind away from him just because LBG didn't meet his expectations.

He's not angry, he just feels pity.

Things become amicable once again, but LBG can tell things have not been swept under the rug. Yet SY is just as sweet as he used to be, but there's something different.

SY's touch is no longer reverent nor feverish, but careful. As if LBG is fragile, and LBG both hates and is addicted to it.

LBG can't read him, can't understand him. So he assumes that SY is planning to betray him and is feeling guilty. Ah, his husband allied himself with someone else while LBG and him were at odds? Perhaps? And now he regrets it? No matter, it has happened before with (name of wives #23, #190 and #304) he can take whatever comes.

Nothing happens.

It's driving LBG crazy.

So he tries to force SY to confess, he engineers a kidnapping or something to force him to sell LBG away to his enemies. To spill a secret, anything! In the end things get out of hand and whoever LBG hired turns against him.

SY realizes what's happening mid kidnap and groans. WHY. WHY DEAR HUSBAND? THIS IS SO TRITE?? He told him he wasn't mad!! Is he really trying to gotcha! Him?? Unbelievable.

Many things happen after that.

SY is forced to drink poison that makes his spiritual energy lethal to demons. And LBG'S human cultivation is sealed, so only his demon side is active. The thing is, the poison can eventually kill whoever drinks it if they don't pass it away, even if they're human, the corrosion turns on them. LBG tries to take the tainted spiritual energy for himself. But SY absorbs it, willing it to kill him quicker, not taking any chances. And calls LBG silly and rash, and LBG realizes SY knows they're in this situation because of him. And bursts out crying.

SY kisses him, tells him he forgives him, and he better believe him this time, huh?

SY dies.

LBG tries to revive him in the holy mausoleum but every time the soul enters SY's body the poison kills him again. The poison kills LBG'S blood mites, too. It has fused with Shen Yuan's cells, a product of him absorbing it, and now his body is unable to live longer than what it takes for Shen Yuan to take a first and last breath.

LBG traps SY's soul inside a locket and carries him everywhere. Touches it constantly to make sure it was there. The gesture both familiar and confusing until he remembers he once had a mother who'd gifted him a pendant that he lost many, many decades ago.

How could he have forgotten it?

After years of desperation, he reads about the sun-moon dew mushroom. And when he goes searching for it, he realizes the realm merger killed off all the sun-moon dew mushroom seeds.

He crumbles.

And only then he finally understands his husband and why their marriage never worked.

Because LBG didn't actually love SY. He was possessive of him, yes, attracted to him. But he did not love him, he just used him to prove that other Luo Binghe he could have it all, an empire, an harem, and a Shen Qingqiu. (Shen Yuan, his name was Shen Yuan. He hated it when Luo Binghe called him Shizun, why did he keep insisting?)

Luo Bingge never loved Shen Yuan.

But Shen Yuan did love him.

He saw him for the beast he was and took him into his arms. Luo Bingge never had to prove himself to Shen Yuan, and no matter how he tried to hide the most shameful parts of him, Shen Yuan could see them clear as day, and loved him all the same.

He held Luo Bingge's flaws like something fragile, he protected them.

He didn't hold them over his head, like Luo Bingge would've done.

He didn't love him in spite of them, like his wives did.

Shen Yuan looked at the cruelest man in the world and, even after being subjected to Luo Bingge's cruelty, kept him close to his heart so the world didn't have the opportunity to make him crueler.

And Luo Bingge killed him.

And in that moment, when he finally was able to under his husband, Luo Bingge falls in love with Shen Yuan.

He came back to his palace and locked himself in his late husband's rooms, became mournful, lost interest in sex and food and bloodshed. Held that precious locket in his hands and wept.

Until one day, he began hearing Shen Yuan's voice. Faintly, as if far away. And then just as clear as if his husband whispered in his ear.

The locket had become cursed by harbouring a human soul for so long. But Shen Yuan never asked anything impossible of him, never tried to hurt him as any other cursed artifact would do.

He'd ask him to sleep, to please eat. To cook, doesn't he love to cook? Why don't you try again? He'd say, "Ah, Binghe, look up! That's a Silver Blood Hummingbird ! Oh, I thought they were extinct, isn't it beautiful?"

And Luo Bingge with only a voice for company, the love of a man he could not touch, would finally find the peace that eluded him his entire life. He'd understand that other inferior Luo Binghe, and he'd abandon his palace, leave his empire in disarray no matter how much Shen Yuan nagged at him to "take responsibility!"

He'd search for creatures and plants that went extinct after he so thoughtlessly united the realms. He'd find some, hidden away in small pockets of space, untouched by his sword. Some still thriving in hidden realms. And he'd hear as his husband excitedly tells him all there's to know about them. He'd cook and set an extra plate, let Shen Yuan guide him until he finally learned to play the guqin, an opportunity he was robbed of many years ago.

And one day, hidden from the world and greedy hands, he'd find a grove filled with thriving sun-moon dew mushrooms.

[pensiveabstraction]

i got tagged by @dont-leafmealone (ty ^u^) for a last line challenge (post the last line you wrote) so here is the last line that i wrote:

Seven solid days. Day and night, no breaks, not even for a second has he stopped scraping over the area, praying for any sign. He doesn't want to face it - this can't be a dead end. Not like the last time. Not like the last ten, fifty, the last hundred times, he has to have hope dangling before him over and over only to wither like a rotting carcass as soon as he reaches forth. Hua Cheng claws at the dirt, breathing sharp and unsteady. This isn't working.

it is a little sneak peak of the first scene in the fourth and (hopefully 💀) final chapter of my tgcf hualian fic Gold Ribbon Preceding Thunder (the third chapter of which i finished writing and posted an hour or so ago). ik it seems like my blog is so close to extinction its doing the death rattle breath, but i am still here i promise i have just accidentally reverted to a shrimpy lurker type state and im still trying to reverse it

and so im tagging @jctko, @glummar, @thinkingjasico, @drksanctuary, @erisenyo, honestly anyone who sees this post and fancies it, go with the wind and be free to participate!

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i just want to say diamond paste is absolutely fueling me rn. every wednesday morning (i know you update on tuesdays but i always forget to check) i wake up and immediately go to ao3 in a terraito inspired frenzy. sorry idk why i phrased it like that.

anyway my point is you write them so well and yesterday's chapter was especially great with the aspec light thoughts 🙏 keep going man you're doing great

omg tysm!!!! ya know they do say breakfast is the most important meal of the day hehe, i'm stoked to hear you're enjoying. (dont apologise that's a hilarious way of putting it. im picturing you go all big and crazy and green like the hulk but instead of smashing things in your fervor you rush to get to a screen and pull up a browser xD)

im repeating myself but thank u sooo much again!!! and im glad somebody is appreciating Light's grappling with/slowly trying to map out his precise sexuality, being acespec myself i wanted to try and bring that aspect in in ways that i kinda relate to, in a casual way to show his attitude towards it.

thanks seriously its so awesome to hear from you, i hope you keep enjoying it as i keep writing and updating o7

[pensiveabstraction]

The woke mob has made Santa gay! Mrs Claus has been replaced with a 5'8 twink named Tony Tinsel

[pensiveabstraction]

decided to finally get around to posting the fic i wrote for day 3 of zukka week 2023

the memory drugs make memory snow (4263 words) by pensiveAbstraction

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar)

Characters: Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang (Avatar)

Additional Tags: Zuko-centric (Avatar), Unreliable Narrator, Gaslighting, Brainwashing, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Zuko Joins The Gaang Early (Avatar), you know what they did to bob the titan in percy jackson?, it's kinda like that, Dubious Morality, Rated teen for swearing

Series: Part 3 of zukka week 2023

Your name is Lee. You live in with your uncle, Mushi. You work in his tea shop.

You've lived in Ba Sing Se as long as you can remember.

[pensiveabstraction]

day 6 of @zukkaweek 2023 (this is probably my favourite)

title: celestial movements

prompt: royalty

Zuko could still barely believe he was suggesting this, but nobody else was going to protest on Azula's behalf, not even Azula herself. She would have loathed to find out he was trying to protect her - would think she didn't need protecting at all. Still, she was his younger sister and fuck everything if he was going to let her be shipped across the globe and married off to a stranger.

Of course, the first idea into Zuko's head to prevent this was to throw himself onto the pyre in her stead.

[pensiveabstraction]

i posted an artist!mello/witch!trans guy!light college au crack accidental pregnancy porn with plot death note fic for mello's birthday ✌️

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(photos by Bill Watterson and an octopus)

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trying to write smth porny and having to keep stopping bc i send myself into uncontrollable giggling fits 💀💀💀 help how do i do this

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drew the final scene in ch1 of my fic called diamond paste ✌️

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just posted the second chapter of my ryuk x light death note fic and realised i never posted about it here. it may seem very odd/random but the idea for it was literally bestowed to me in a dream and my slumbering mind was way too good at getting me invested in the plot to just leave it at that when i woke up and im having so much fun with it. updates on tuesdays

[pensiveabstraction]

additions to this

it is quite fun to explore and hyperbolise ur ignorant selfs musings on his yet unknown ace-spec sexual orientation via a fictional character

it is SUPREMELY fun to write a character who is an egotistic little bastard

i literally cannot help writing characters as autistic it is like never intentional but its always there bone deep when i reread looking out for it

the way my mind chooses to work baffles me

i will probably be posting both chapters before/on wednesday. it is a death note fic and many will be baffled by the ship choice sorry im a little unhinged and i fell into a rarepair sinkhole of a catastrophic obsession calibre

not me taking one of my dreams where my brain invents a wacky but kind of cool fanfiction scenario and actually writing something from it for real for once

[pensiveabstraction]

additions to this

it is quite fun to explore and hyperbolise ur ignorant selfs musings on his yet unknown ace-spec sexual orientation via a fictional character

it is SUPREMELY fun to write a character who is an egotistic little bastard

i literally cannot help writing characters as autistic it is like never intentional but its always there bone deep when i reread looking out for it

the way my mind chooses to work baffles me

i will probably be posting both chapters before/on wednesday. it is a death note fic and many will be baffled by the ship choice sorry im a little unhinged and i fell into a rarepair sinkhole of a catastrophic obsession calibre

not me taking one of my dreams where my brain invents a wacky but kind of cool fanfiction scenario and actually writing something from it for real for once

[pensiveabstraction]

not me taking one of my dreams where my brain invents a wacky but kind of cool fanfiction scenario and actually writing something from it for real for once

[pensiveabstraction]

[pensiveabstraction]

date ...

inspired by @hotpotzuko 's art <3