#so i fell back down this rabbit hole and im mad

[what-even-is-sleep]

what in the fucked-up politics, uncharacteristic moments, and disregarded family tensions was Descendants 3

[nevernonline]

✧.* svt as songs from 1989 (taylors vrs)

happy 1989 day to all my bbs celebrating!! xoxo. idk whose but one of these will prob end up being a full fic vv soon give me a suggestion lol im indecisive 🩵😌

seungcheol: i wish you would.

"2 AM, here we are see your face, hear my voice in the dark. we're a crooked love in a straight line down. makes you wanna run and hide but it made us turn right back around. i wish you would come back, wish i never hung up the phone like i did, i wish you knew that I'd never forget you as long as i live and i wish you were right here, right now, it's all good i wish you would."

jeonghan: is it over now?

"was it over when she laid down on your couch? was it over when he unbuttoned my blouse? "come here," i whispered in your ear in your dream as you passed out, baby. was it over then? and is it over now?"

joshua: new romantics.

" 'Cause baby, I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me. and every day is like a battle but every night with us is like a dream. baby, we're the new romantics, come along with me. heartbreak is the national anthem, we sing it proudly. we are too busy dancin' to get knocked off our feet. baby, we're the new romantics the best people in life are free"

junhui: wonderland.

"flashin' lights and we took a wrong turn and we fell down a rabbit hole. you held on tight to me ’cause nothing's as it seems and spinning out of control. didn't they tell us, "don’t rush into things"? didn't you flash your green eyes at me? haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds? oh, didn't it all seem new and exciting? i felt your arms twisting around me, i should have slept with one eye open at night. we found wonderland, you and i got lost in it"

soonyoung: how you get the girl.

"stand there like a ghost, shakin' from the rain. she'll open up the door and say, "are you insane?"say, "it's been a long six months" and you were too afraid to tell her what you want. and that's how it works that's how you get the girl and then, you say i want you for worse or for better i would wait forever and ever. broke your heart, i'll put it back together, i would wait forever and ever and that's how it works. that's how you get the girl."

wonwoo: blank space.

"nice to meet you, where you been? i could show you incredible things. magic, madness, heaven, sin saw you there and I thought "oh, my god, look at that face. you look like my next mistake love's a game, wanna play?" new money, suit and tie i can read you like a magazine. ain't it funny? rumors fly and i know you heard about me. so, hey, let's be friends i'm dyin' to see how this one ends, grab your passport and my hand i can make the bad guys good for a weekend."

jihoon: you are in love.

"morning, his place burnt toast, sunday, you keep his shirt, he keeps his word and for once, you let go of your fears and your ghosts. one step, not much, but it said enough. you kiss on sidewalks, you fight and you talk one night, he wakes strange look on his face pauses, then says "you're my best friend" and you knew what it was, he is in love."

dokyeom: suburban legends.

"i didn't come here to make friends we were born to be suburban legends. when you hold me, it holds me together and you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever. i know that you still remember we were born to be national treasures. when you told me we'd get back together and you kissed me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever."

mingyu: wildest dreams.

"he's so tall and handsome as hell, he's so bad, but he does it so well and when we've had our very last kiss, my last request it this. say you'll remember me standin' in a nice dress starin' at the sunset, babe. red lips and rosy cheeks say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams."

minghao: i know places.

"you stand with your hand on my waistline it's a scene and we're out here in plain sight, i can hear them whisper as we pass by. it's a bad sign, bad sign. somethin' happens when everybody finds out, see the vultures circlin', dark clouds. love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out. 'cause they got the cages, they got the boxes and guns. they are the hunters, we are the foxes and we run baby, i know places we won't be found and they'll be chasing their tails tryin' to track us down. 'cause i know places we can hide"

seungkwan: sweeter than fiction.

"seen you fall, seen you crawl on your knees, seen you lost in a crowd, seen your colors fade. wish i could make it better, someday you won't remember this pain you thought would last forever and ever there you'll stand, ten feet tall i will say, "i knew it all along" your eyes are wider than distance this life is sweeter than fiction"

vernon: now that we don't talk.

"you grew your hair long you got new icons and from the outside it looks like you're tryin' lives on i miss the old ways. you didn't have to change, but i guess i don't have a say now that we don't talk. i call my mom, she said that it was for the best remind myself the morе i gave, you'd want me less i cannot bе your friend, so i pay the price of what i lost and what it cost, now that we don't talk."

chan: slut!

"send the code, he's waitin' there the sticks and stones they throw froze mid-air. everyone wants him, that was my crime, the wrong place at the right time and i break down, then he's pullin' me in. in a world of boys, he's a gentleman."

[hils79]

Hils Watches Lovely Runner - Ep 5

I love that he can't outright lie to her about renting a video from her store but he can pretend to be tired and fall asleep

Aww she made a rainbow for him. That is so damn cute!

I knew there would end up being a love triangle

You can see the exact moment his brain goes offline because the girl he likes has asked him to go and see a movie with her

She's trying so hard to shield him from any news about the olympic swimming events so he won't be sad and honestly I think he's so deep into I'm On A Date mode I don't think he'd have noticed anyway

Aww she tried so hard! And then the fire alarm went off before the movie even started and of course there's a giant TV screen outside the cinema that's showing the olympics

Wait, was that sus taxi from the previous episode a serial killer??? How many genres are they cramming into this drama?

I was half thinking Im Sol's mum was going to end up dating Sunjae's dad with all the shenanigans they keep having. Can step-siblings marry each other? They're not biologically related.

I just went down a rabbit hole. So obv I don't know what South Korean marriage laws are like but here in the UK it is legal to marry your step-sibling providing you are not biologically related but you cannot marry your step-child which makes sense.

Love Im Geum and Sunjae holding hands while they watch a Korean woman set a weightlifting world record on the TV

Haha! Well, that bromance was very shortlived

How have they managed as a band this far when their singer can't sing. Oh, if only there was someone handsome and with nothing to do now that he can no longer swim

I don't know if it's the right way to do it or not but when me and my sister both learned how to ride a bike we did it on grass so it wouldn't hurt as much when we fell off

Aww of course he's going to teach her

Oh no Sunjae wants to start dressing like Taesung because he thinks that's what Im Sol likes

Oh no! Taesung is wearing the exact same outfit. This is about to get incredibly awkward

Yep, there it is

Oh no they're due to perform any moment and they have no singer. Who can they get to full in? Wait I'm trying to remember now. Was Taesung part of Sunjae's idol group in 2022? I don't remember seeing him but then I didn't know to look for him either. I know Hyunjoo said he dropped out of school after Im Sol's accident. Maybe he dropped out of the band too.

I'm getting all emotional because he looks so happy on stage but we know how unhappy he's going to wind up

Still suspicious of him btw

It's funny that in the last episode he got mad at her because he couldn't deal with his own feelings, and this time he did something nice for her and she got mad because she's worried about him.

I was at the Ateez fanmeet livestream this morning and Jongho sang a bit of this song. Even for me as a fan I get all excited when someone I 'know' is singing on the OST of a drama I'm watching. I wonder what it's like for Seonghwa, who watches a lot of dramas, to have someone he works with every day on the OST of something he watches. Jongho has done a lot of OST work this year.

Oh no last time she listened to this she ended up back in 2023. Is it going to happen again?

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[imagionationstation]

I HEARD YOU TAKE UNHINGED HEADCANON RANTS AND THIS GAYASS FISH HAS RUINED MY LIFE

I have a 2012 rewrite au, and I fell down a rabbit hole solely based on the hc that Xever saw shredder as a vague father figure, and then like all of his interactions with Karai are always “Do you want me to call dad?” “I will kill you?!” “Alright..”

THEY ARE SIBLINGS AND YOU CANT TELL ME IM WRONG

Also there’s enough problematic men in the foot, so I just… hit him w the “I’m not a creep!” ray and he’s just some dude

This is a theatre kid, this man is a professional yapper. Shredder’s mad at him? Turn the conversation around to how sad shredders life is and that he shouldn’t have to be forced to commit atrocities because of Hamato Yoshi. He’s a pr girlie

Also, WHYS HE SO ZESTY????

“I HEARD YOU TAKE UNHINGED HEADCANON RANTS”

Okay, firstly, what grape vine is talking about me and why?

Secondly-

Can you headcanon your own AU?? Is that possible?? Is that a thing people do?? All the potential to say “I think this would be a neat canon” but isn’t not actually canon- this sounded better with every word that came out of my mouth. I am doing this.

AU HEADCANONS, BABY.

I AM THE AU COLLECTOR AND COMMENTER

(Evidently. I’m not sure how that happened, tbh-)

GIMME EVERY AU CONCEPT YOU GOT SO I MAY FEAST

Fair warning to all- when I am invested in a idea, I don’t know how to shut up. So. If you give me an ask, you’re agreeing to everything that comes after. I am not liable for incoming rants.

Xever is all kind of zesty (in AU and canon) because it makes him notable and fun!

I love so many interactions with him and Raphael in canon. There was no better character for him to “understand” than Xever, mkay, I absolutely loved how Baxter's Gambit was handled. They would have been SUCH a duo had they not chosen different sides to fight on and HECK YEAH with the Shredder father figure AU.

In the canon, I wondered about a few things a lot- like, Shredder hunted this man down and broke him out of jail to join his crime syndicate. And for someone who’s supposed to be the best of the best, that man is no match for the turtles. Got to wonder why Shredder wasted his time on Xever or bothered keeping him around after he got mutated when he was such a hassle as a fishy…

He even went as far as keeping a kidnapped scientist to build working legs and breathable air suit for the guy. Like, in all seriousness, for a big evil crime lord who threatens to off them every day, he sure is intent on keeping his lackies around.

BUT ANWAYS-

In regards to your AU, THANK YOU for taking away his creep act because that’s the main reason that he’s not a top fave for me. I don’t know why they reversed the “I’m not a creep” ray for canon, but I guess it was an experiment that they took way too far and couldn’t bring themselves to back out of.

As Karai is an expert manipulator, I’d like to know if she gets her skills from him or if he does from her- or if they adapt from each other. He feeds into the dad’s drama while Karai could not be more fed up with it. The clash over this topic so often. I can see it.

I think it would be ironic for Karai to have an older brother figure who eventually gets brought into the found family because Leo would have to adapt to having MORE older relatives. I like the idea of Xever being a “cousin”, because that would technically make her a cousin too, and Karai sure acts like she’s more of a bossy cousin than an older sister. So it works out.

NO WAIT

Xever has a villain name, right? 😱

Mikey has to villain name a villain mutant- it’s like, 2012TMNT law.

BEING AN AU IS NO EXCUSE /jk

(Completely messing with you. Do as you want.)

[countessklair]

[technowoah]

Forever Was a Long Time Ago

Where you and Clay find yourselves caught up in someone elses lies.

- ANON REQUESTED!

- FEM READER!

Prompts!

4) "I never fucking wanted this/that!"

16) "Stop bringing it up"

⚠︎ toxic relationship, swearing, mentions of sex (?), and horrible writing. I didn't proofread either

It was hard to not talk to him, but that was your decision at the moment. You didnt even tell him what was the matter, and you refused to until you found out your real feelings about where you lie. Right now you were mad, fuming, of course you were refusing to talk to him because he dosen't talk to you.

The reason why the distance between you and Clay grew further and further apart was that a stupid tweet from this girl. He knew what he wae doing too, it was like him to do this behind the scenes. It was a tweet that showed him at a dinner table with another person other than you across the table from him. At least they had the decency to exclude his face from the frame, but the hands, and clothes were something you were all used to. The tweet continued on and on, and you believed every word.

He knew what he was doing. He did this often, because jealousy was a big thing in your relationship. You can admit it isnt all just him too, it was a possesive relationship. It wasn't healthy at all and you knew it. Your friends and family knew too, but you two always found yourself in his arms.

Clay liked to toy with you, but this was taking it too far. You ended up messaging the creator of the tweet and they said that everything was true and they went into extreme detail too. They even brought up screenshots of messages that you would deem fake. If it wasn't for your rage right, you would've debunked that right away.

Wallowing in your anger was a common thing for both of you in the relationship. The first time this happend was at a small party Clay invited you to. He ended up flirting and paying all of his attention to another person just to get you jealous. It started off innocent to make something more out of nothing, but became worse with time. You started to do the same to him and vice versa, it became a habit more than a thing to make eachother horny for a night.

The jealousy thing became more of a guilty pleasure, and the guilty pleasure became cheating. For you two it was okay because you two were going back to eachother, it was okay until now. Now a person was rubbing it in your face, usually it was a quick night without eachother, ignoring one another for a week and then getting back together until the cycle completes again.

It was emotionally tiring but you couldn't break out of it, maybe this was a sign to stop.

Today marks a week and a half with no contact with Clay. You had locked yourself up in your home today, you couldn't bother to do anything productive today. It was just one of those days, and it was a day where you wondered if Clay would text or call you. You shamelessly watched his livestreams, you missed his voice, his touch, his whole being. You wondered if his friends were saying the same stuff about you your friends were saying about him.

You were a puppet. You fell everytime his hands weren't pulling the strings and right now you wouldn't be under his control. You refused this time.

Speaking of the devil, your phone chimed signaling that you have received a message. You had opened it and it was one of many extremely vauge texts from Clay.

( Clay )

Im coming over now

[read]

Not bothering to text back, you continued to pay attention to something else. You were ready to confrony him and put an end to this.

It was a few minuted before you heard the lock on your door being unlocked and a voice calling for you.

"You home?!"

"In the living room!"

He reached the living room and sat in a smaller chair to your right. You two sat in silence until you worked up to courage to speak.

"Why are you here?" You asked him breaking the silence.

"Why did you let me in here?" Clay retorted.

"I mean, it's not like you just invited yourself in. You had to have something to say."

"Not necessarily, can I just visit my girl?" Clay leaned back into his seat.

"Yeah you can, but I wouldn't consider myself your girlfriend." You sat up and croseed your arms. Your phone was to your side waiting to show him the evidence.

"Really? What is this, the 5th time you've said that?" Clay rolled his eyes in response.

"You've done the same thing more time than I could count. You have no right to talk."

"I have absolutely every right." Clay smirked. He knew he was getting under your skin.

"So, Why did you go out with that girl?" You asked bluntly.

"Why wouldn't I? I mean it isnt a big deal we're here now."

"To me it is a big deal!"

"It never fucking was before when you were seeing another guy!" Clay yelled sitting up.

"I never fucking wanted this?! I never wanted to see you with a different guy, but here we are!"

"I didn't fucking start this whole cheating rabbit hole thing!" You flared your arms.

"What I saw was that you were talking with that girl for a while! It was months."

"What?!"

You had brought out your phone and pulled up the messages and extended your arm to give him your phone to read. He had taken the phone out of your hand with a confused face on his face. You waited while he scrolled through text messages while an emotion you couldn't read was on his face.

"Would you be mad if I said it was all true?" Clay had this look of caution on his face.

"YES! I fucking would!" You exclaimed in disbelief.

"I still dont know why?"

You stood up wanting to let off some steam. "This is what we do! Dont you see?! We keep going in circles. I go out with a man, and you get mad. You go out with a girl and I get mad, we come back together, but a whole month?!"

"Does it matter?!" Clay stood up too.

"Yes!"

"Remember when-"

"No! We're talking about YOU right now and how this little fling started a month ago. If you loved her that much stay!"

"Remember when you spent two nights over that boys house and-"

"Stop bringing it up!" You interrupted him.

"Then you stop trying to act like you're a saint!"

Pausing for a moment you wanted to get out of this situation. Clearly this argument wasn't getting anywhere or heading to the right place, your body temperature was hot, you needed to clear your head.

You tried walking away, but Clay held you there. "I dont "love" her I never-!"

"You stayed consistent with her more than me!"

"Stop acting like you're such a angel! Acting like you haven't dont the same too!"

"Not for that long! Get that through your head!" You tried walking away again, but he had a grip on you wrist.

You glared at him, staring right into his eyes, his grip getting slightly tighter wanting to make you stay.

"Let me go."

He froze at that and stood still. After sll this time of you two being together, you have never said those words. They had multiple meanings at this moments. One being "let me go physically" and the other being "let me go so I can move on." You had meant both.

"You mean it?"

"What do you think I mean?" You asked, his grip on your wrist stayed there as you awaited his answer.

He paused for a moment and then he started to speak. "You want to leave this relationship. That's what I believe."

"Well. You are right. Clay I'm tired. You know that!"

His grip on your wrist loosened. He was giving you an opening to leave and you took it. You took that opening and when your hand left his you two were done with eachother. The confrontation was quick, it usually was like this, today you just wanted it to be over. You grabbed your keys and a coat from the coat rack needing some fresh air

"You need to leave my house by the time I get back. Okay?" You turned around to see Clay in the same spot you left him in. He nodded and you slipped on your shoes and left the house for the night.

The windows of your car were rolled down as you rode through the streets not having a destination in mind. It was clear to you, a weight lifted from your shoulders and a new opening was near, but you couldn't see it yet.

You could breathe now, nothing else mattered. You had stopped at a red light and you phone continued to light up. There was not that many drivers on the road at this hour, so you opened the phone to a string of messages.

( Clay )

She lied

I was trying to tell you, but you lashed out, but I understand

I'll focus on you I promise. I wont break promises anymore.

Come back

[read]

You sighed looking at the messages and a wave of guilt washed over you. You had found a place to turn your car around and drive back to your house where he was waiting for you against your wishes.

The circle was completed once more.

[yangscutebutt]

I have the BIGGEST HEAD CANNON FOR VOL 9.

It all started with reading this…if you haven’t taken a look at this vol. 9 prediction by reddit user u/iamthatguy54 please do

And while im not on reddit i had some opinions about this which lead me down… a rabbit hole. Id love to hear all your comments and thoughts about this!

Alice in Wonderland is a perfect allusion to what happened to the squad at the end of vol. 8. And Yang is Alice, making the other people who also fell into Wonderland characters as well. I have chills writing this you guys!!! Ive taken some screenshots for proof and it is UNDENIABLE.

Lets looks at Alice’s entrance to Wonderland. This is a photo of her decent down the hole which she crawled into

Heres yangs fall! Both long blondes falling in the exact same position. Coincidence, I think NOT.

Then I went to see what the original animations fall scene and i noticed this… do you guys see that!!!!

That is an allusion to Blake! Alice and the cat literally part ways. And Alice starts the decent aloof and confused. Alice then falls. But gently falls down and shes able to inspect the world that is this tunnel/ hole, picking up books, even sitting in a rocking chair momentarily.

Then i saw this gif. While shes falling past all these artifacts we she her breifly pass this…

If you haven’t heard theres a tale called the girl who fell through the earth like OP mentions. I know the diagram Alice passes isnt very clear but to me it looks as though its a diagram explaining her fall, as a fall through the earth. Further aliding to the fairy tale from Rwby.

As you can see at the end Alice falls on her head. And for me I can predict vol 9 to start like this:

Yang will be falling unconsciously. She will regain consciousness during her fall and start to notice she is falling but doesnt know where. She may see things while falling down to e island but have enough time to regain atleast some if not all of her aura back. Even though she’ll be totally aware for her landing she might be distracted and will clumsily land on her head. After falling on her head shell see something in the brush that catches her attention which she follows deep into the forest trying to catch. Only driving her away from the shore and closer to the TREE.

Because of these predictions too, i don’t think they will fall very far apart from one another in respect to time, they will all get there the same day. Unfortunately they will all fall very far away from each other except for Blake and Ruby and maybe Jaune and Weiss.

Okay I hope youre still here because. I wanted to check my theory out a little more. If alice was falling through the earth its safe to say our crew is as well. So i sought out to find if falling from “around atlas” where exactly would straight through go? Now i know that this was inside a pocket dimension so theres no way to say, however. I found these globes of Remnant rendered by another reddit user u/shazarakk.

The first thing to note is that THE WATER IS THE LAND AND THE LAND IS THE WATER!

I hope my labeling is helpful and please know i tried to the best of my ability to be as accurate as possible. I looks for certain geographic locations and if you want to know how i get a certain location id be happy to answer.

I noticed in the map its seems like i couldn’t see Menagerie very well because on the map its Remnants south ish pole?! Making atlas is north pole! At least to me anyway.

Therefore if they fell straight through the earth like depicted by the pole animation in Alice in Wonder, its very possible that they went to the Shallow sea as also speculated in OPs HC. The shallow sea could be menagerie but it could be a pocket dimension near menagerie. And if this is all true there could be the god of animals that we are still yet to meet and maybe our heroines have some knowledge to seek from him and maybe he lives in THE TREE.

So to conclude, because Yang is so heavily alluded to alice in wonderland i think each member who fell will aquire a “new character “ so to say. I havent thought well into who is who but here are some roles to fill

Ruby, weiss, blake, jaune, and neo.

Mad Hatter (neo)

Caterpiller (maybe the god of animals)

Cheshire cat ( i couldn’t guess who this could possibly be. )

White rabbit (i think is on the island when yang gets there and not typical cast member)

The queen of hearts (weiss especially if she fell around the same time jaune and they have to work together)

Tweedle dee

Tweedle dum (jaune is one forsure)

[lakka-arts]

Yooo this is Crow (aka When-birds-absorbed-to-madness but thats my side account)

I read ya ender!Jesse fic thing and I am hecka invested in it!!! Like DANG I didn’t expect for Ender!Jesse to end up the way he is. I like your writing a lot

Also thanks for the support you put in ya notes. It’s very motivating :D!!!

HI HI HIIIII @when-birds-absorbed-to-madness

THANK YOU SO MUCH it’s my comfort au and I just realized how long it’s been since I’ve updated it (ITS NOT DEAD! I’m nearly finished with the next chapter I promise 💜) and yeah!! Jesse gets really messed up oofffff

I haven’t written in a while so hearing that you like it means a lot 🥺🥺 also, don’t mind me going on a little tangent-

The part where you said you didn’t expect E!Jesse to end up like that means extra to me (in a good way) That’s what I’m after!

The thing about E!Jesse is that that’s the only thing that changes about the canon. He’s the only thing that changes (apart from the scene in the beginning where Soren takes the Dragon’s Breath*) in the au. Theres no over complicated storyline where there was an awful experiment that went wrong or he was simply born like that. No, it was just a simple mistake that was forced to be made. Just one simple action in the present** that caused a domino of effect.

As someone who wrote a story that was just piled up with way too complicated backstories that had to be read thoroughly in order to properly understand the plot, like paragraphs after paragraphs to fully get the story down, writing an au like this was relieving. Yes, some of the e!jesse au does have a bit of a mystery like about the bottle but all of that is literally one click away! The Dragon’s Breath isn’t something I made up, it’s in Minecraft itself! You can read about it in the Wiki, something that I can finally link without pouring my brains over.

on the contrary, I absolutely ADORE your storymode au. Just simply INCREDIBLE. Im not saying this just because you complimented my au but because it really did feel like it scratched an itch that I felt like needed to happen.

I’ve seen aus before where Jesse was all-knowing and was aware that they were in a game, even going as far as to control the game but they didn’t feel right. They always felt too godly like Jesse was the love child of Herobrine and some other overpowered characters*** or Jesse was some interdimensional being with a mood ring for an eye (whole colors changing due to emotions) and 2836 different forms but you? Your shit just hooked me in the moment you included the choices and other characters like Lukas being aware. Just a wonderful subtle line of Jesse having control but that control doesn’t always translates to power. It doesn’t make him a higher being because of it as it always sets him back a little. Fabulous work! ❤️❤️✨❤️

* - you can read more about it on my fic explaining the au, Oblivion [basic tldr: Soren has bottle of the dragon’s essence. Jesse gets injured badly. Jesse is given the bottle bc everyone thinks that it’s a healing thingy potion. oh no. Consequences.]

** - I wanted to specify in the present because there are other similar things where yeah it’s one mistake but it took place decades before the current story and most times, stories spends too long trying to allude to what happened in the past that when the reader finally gets to the big reveal, they’re confused because they’re still thinking that they’re following another breadcrumb.

*** - I’m not saying it’s bad to include someone like Herobrine as Jesse or any other character’s parents, or relative. I think that it can be a great storyline as long as you use it well. I just happen to be an unfortunate sucko who accidentally fell into a rabbit hole of shitty WattPad aus where Herobrine “returns”, causes a bunch of evil shit and when Jesse faces Herobrine off, apparently it turns into a Star Wars movie and Herobrine reveals himself to be Jesse’s father and it’s just done so many times and so suddenly. There isn’t any build up to it and just ughhhhh

extra footnote: I’m so SORRY this is so long. If you see this and you noticed I said something that you write about or have an au on, don’t take offense!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It’s not bad if you don’t let it be bad. Many of those things are just personal opinions and even then, if you write it and twist it in the right way, I’m certain it’ll turn out amazing. I have buddies who have dwelled into those tropes like lab aus, the Herobrine parent thing or any other characters like Steve or Alex. Just *chefs kiss*

[reikunrei]

OKAY UUUH i need to put my thoughts about the final stroke p1 here right here right now fresh hot of the press i just finished watching this shit less than 30 seconds ago let’s gooooo

anyway just a precursor like. none of this is going to make sense bc ive only watched it once so i dont remember everything (barely remember anything from road to the world which i probably should’ve watched again before this bc they would like mention things and i’d just be there like ?????? wha??? but ANYWAY)

these are also going to be very disjointed and not following the order of scenes bc im hgdfjk my brain is going 1000000 mph

god like the first half of it is so fun and just like. really just diving back into the whole FEELING of the series. like everyone just being friends, having fun, talking about swimming, swimming together

i can’t tell you how happy i am that we got to see the entirety of haru, rin, AND ikuya’s races like. i’d gotten so used to like. just seeing haru’s or just seeing rin’s and then it just cutting to like the results of the other or w/e, so i love love love that we got some devoted time to all of them inn sydney

also going insane over the like. makoto seeing himself trying to reach haru and just not being able to at all no matter how hard he tries

and how haru in that vision is all sad and lonely like how haru is becoming based on the events of the end of the film

AND LIKE LIKE

LIKE HARU HAS PEOPLE who want to help him and be close to him and love and cherish him and want him to succeed

even after his filter went completely down and he said THAT to rin, rin walked off and was like “of course i still care” or w/e like... even HE can’t be all that mad at haru, at least not in any real long-term sense

i still feel like the video interview things at the beginning are gonna be what wakes haru up out of this stupor. i want that so bad. like why else would THOSE be the opening scene of the movie like come ON

i want haru to go back somewhere, like to the high school or SOMETHING, or maybe somebody forces him to watch them, and he sees how much people love and care about him by stumbling across those tapes

god the albert possession fucks me up tho. i thought it was gonna be mostly silly and like. kinda cringe. but man. it was fucked UP it HURTS. i think it mostly had to do w shimazaki’s performance, i always forget how much i love him as haru and he does a REALLY good job stretching haru’s character to really make him unhinged when he’s so normally quiet and borderline monotone. like haru isn’t a flat character by any means, but he’s not very expressive either, so to see shimazaki get to flex those muscles in this role is SUPER nice

the scene where haru almost fell down the stairs fucked me up too LMAO i was like oh shit he REALLY fucked himself up he is not himself at ALL

and to see that just keep happening

everyone in this show has abandonment issues god

i am going crazy oh my god okay

and just. to see him going even farther down that rabbit hole. feeling like everyone is going to leave him. like makoto left before he got to say whatever motivational quip he was going to say, and then rin drops it in his lap that both he AND ikuya are not goinng to be swimming free at the next tournament, and like........ man just realized how that reminds me of when makoto just dropped in his lap that he had decided to go to tokyo

even when makoto walked away to go back home it mirrored exactly that scene in s2 when haru leaves makoto standing there...... ugh my heart

ANYWAY

i am super fucked up and also pissed off at ryuji!!!! like. i dont think ive ever disliked him as much as other people do, like he’s just a grouchy old man and haru was listening to him, but also pushing back against him and keeping him somewhat in his lane

and it was really nice to see haru so adamantly be like “im not giving anything up” in this movie like. and how that sparked something in ryuji. but now at the end when haru was like “yeah im ready to give everything up” ........ i really hope ryuji also plays a part in getting haru to wake up? bc it’ll also be an interesting wake-up for ryuji himself?

he is such an asshole tho hsgdfjgk i do love how they put scenes back to back of haru x ryuji, rin x mikhail, and ikuya x natsuya, and even throw in there makoto x nao x sousuke! like, we got to see the swimmer/coach dynamic between all of them and got to see how NOT GOOD ryuji is in comparison to all of them lmao. like sure being analytical is good, but damn give the kid some room to breathe LMAO

and god. i do love albert. he’s such a weird scary motherfucker but god god god i’m so intrigued by this weird fucked up dynamic he has with his coach? or whoever he is? im not even really sure. but like. he’s living his dream through albert rather than letting albert be his own person. but then it’s interesting bc haru (and everyone else) sees albert as this big scary foreboding guy. which like, he is, but i think they all have a twisted view of him? like they see him as this powerhouse and NOTHING else

i think haru has seen albert interacting w other people in his entourage and like. seen some weird dynamics between them? but it’s all very behind-doors right now, so like. everyone sees him as a “villain” for lack of a better word, when albert really just wants to swim and like. be normal? like i don’t think his words of “i want to be stronger” are truly his

i really really really would love to see albert tie into haru’s awakening more. like, after haru gives up his relationships bc we all know at this point that that’s 100% for sure what he’s gonna do, i feel like. like maybe he will have a better performance, but it’s just so Not Him that he’s not even a worthy opponent? and then albert gets fucked up about it and is like “man what happened, this isn’t good at all, what did you do to yourself?”

like. right now haru is trying to be more like albert, but i think albert is trying to be more like haru

unless im like. totally misreading everything about his character, but im thinking of like. s3 and rttw, with him hanging out with haru, his “the water favors you” quote, him getting excited when he saw haru doing really well in his race while he was like. getting his drive from his friends and whatnot. like!!! i really feel like it could be a fun little switcharoo to do!!!

god. that’s my biggest thing rn, i love the dynamic between haru and albert and how there’s this friction within both of their characters as they try to become like one another

ugh god okay i need to stop bc. i have work tomorrow and need to go to bed ghsfdjk im sure i’ll have more thoughts and write more as i mull over the movie more, and maybe watch it again next weekend, but ugh. holy shit

holy. fucking. shit

i can’t wait for part 2

overall im super pleased with the movie. i was worried i really wouldn’t like it, but they did a very very good job and like. kept it really grounded to its roots and the original dynamics and bonds, while also having a TON of really good stuff with new dynamics (ie. rin and ikuya, makoto and sousuke, etc.)

[tsukasageorge]

you want me, i want you, but love will devour us all too quickly

WARNING: these poems discuss dark topics such as death and suicide. if you're not in the mood for something sad (or long) please take care of yourself and don't read this.

you

you are calm bordering on indifferent bordering on apathetic

which you're glad to be

but when you do get mad you throw darts at the board

and you are too upset to aim, so you miss

and you miss

and you miss

and every hole in the wall is another hole in your heart

until you collapse to the floor, bleeding.

want

you want to be an actor or an artist or an animator but you still remember when you didn't want to be anything but gone.

you want to be loved by all, but you told me all those years ago that love and hate aren't so different.

you want to be pretty, skinny, funny, smart, strong, fast, talented. back then you wanted to be kind too, didn't you? oh, how time flies.

you want to be more than you are, and that's okay, but it doesn't mean

that you will ever

be more

than nothing.

me

you always did tell me you loved me.

not to my face

but to my hair when you braided it before we went to bed

to my hands when you squeezed them and promised me it'd be alright

to my shoulders when you happily wrapped your arms around them

and to my eyes

my eyes that refuse to leave you

even after the black body bag is wheeled out of sight.

I

I lay in the barkchips on warm summer evenings to watch the stars and see if they've changed

slowly but surely they move across the sky like snails

and i think about how even though they're already dead

they're still on a journey

their light touching planets an unfathomable distance away

i think about how those stars went up in flames and brought their whole solar system down with them

and I think about how we look at those stars and see them as beautiful, not as things that raised billions of organisms just to kill them one day.

im sure that there is just as much blood on my hands as there is on those stars

and i can only hope that some way, some how, i can make up for all the people who's lives i stole

by ending my own.

want

perhaps the want is where it all started.

a tiger hunts its prey not because it wants to, but because it needs to.

a rabbit runs from a wolf not because it wants to, but because it needs to.

life is pushed by need

and only when you no longer need

can you begin to want

humans survived the need

but be careful, the rabbit warns

want will swallow you whole.

you

you don't remember all the times that you ran ahead of me when we were little

never asking me where we should go next

only leaving me to clean up after you

but i do

and you don't remember the time you had a panic attack and ran through the forest and got lost, but you do remember me hugging you after we finally found each other and really, that's all that's worth remembering.

you pretend you don't remember the time i showed up at your house mid-mental breakdown and begged you to tell me why she did that to me. why she said that when i was just a little kid, when i loved her more than myself.

and i pretend i don't remember you making me packet hot cocoa and calming me down and binge watching game shows together until we fell asleep on your bed

i guess we thought ignoring it would be best

but id give away my heart, my body, and my soul to have one more night like that with you

even knowing what I'd wake up to the next day

because I never wanted to let you die

somewhere that wasn't in my arms.

but

all the other towns have found their river

all the other cities have built their dams

i sit by a muddy puddle

watching the frog that sits in it

hoping that one day it'll leap away and show me the way

but it's dead

and i'm dead

and you're dead

i may not be able to feel love

but i think i can understand

the fear of losing it.

love

you are nothing without love.

you can have your fancy car

and your pathetic little family

you can work as hard as you want

for as long as you want

until your flesh tears from bone, for all I care

but nothing you do will ever matter

because you can't feel it.

love is the only light in this world.

love is the only joy in this world.

without it you are useless.

so, so useless.

will

a want is where it started and a will is where it ended.

you wanted to love me

i wanted to love you

and so we did.

we loved.

i said i wanted to spend my whole life with you

but life can only get you so far,

so let's give death a try, huh?

as it turns out, a will to live and a will to lie

are not so different after all.

devour

you're never really satisfied, you know.

you're like a black hole

breathing in galaxies but never breathing out

I hope one day you learn that

you can devour as many planets as you want

but that will never fill the void inside of you.

us

we're like a firework in a pond

a wheel that bounces instead of turns

lily pads scattering the halls

a sky on fire, we watch the clouds burn.

we're like a long car ride at midnight

a painting of pinocchio 

the three blue eyes on the wall

a tiger chasing a doe

and we set the sky on fire

we watch the world burn

but none of it matters

we'll all be devoured soon anyways.

all

on a warm summer night, as we were lying in the bark chips you told me

about life. about death. about flaws.

and you told me people are all the same

spending their time trying to honor the dead

rather than celebrate the living

but you suppose you don't mind

recieving flowers for your suffering

(that's why i always bought bouquets for the table.)

you always said that one life is insignificant compared to the planet, the universe.

my question is,

are the fractions worth the same as the whole?

are the many really more valuable than the few?

do we all add up to anything

but tragedy?

you had no answer,

but i asked anyway.

too

we're driving fast through the night

as the shadows chase our car

like monsters drilling minutes into the clock that winds

and winds until it explodes. 

we're going too far too fast and there's sirens begging us to stop but we can't stop. not yet.

i clutch my phone to my chest

still set to the message your mother sent me

and i hope that you can hear me

because we always did have a funny way of reading each other's thoughts.

right now my thoughts are full of

I should have noticed

I should have seen the voices screaming valor winding and winding

and now you've exploded

and what am I left to do but follow in your footsteps yet again?

and i know that you can hear me

because you always did have a funny way of reading my thoughts

but it seems like 

too fast for us

was too little, too late. 

quickly

i never did like time.

the thought of death didn't bother me

hell, heaven, or nothing,

it didn't matter because i wouldn't be alone.

but the way the little red hand ran in circles

feeling the life i had left slip through  my fingers like sand

never knowing how much there was

or how it would run out

felt much worse

than love ever could.

did you find it annoying,

me trailing behind you

talking about how time was too slow and too quick at the same time

never shutting up

or leaving you alone?

probably.

you thought you could get rid of me, didn't you?

well, too bad

im not letting you go just yet.

there's a long road to tomorrow

but it'll be yesterday before we know it.

thank you for reading!

[oh-theatre]

Livin’ It Up: Chapter 3

Chapter title: Its All Coming Back To Me Now

A/N: New, bad, sorry. Comment? Sorry for short, important.

words: 1340

summary: return 

pairings: Eventual logicality, eventual prinxiety, eventual demus, eventual Moceit (Which then goes back to Logicality and Demus)

warnings: Swearing, alcohol, underage drinking, drinking, parties, kissing, throw up, slight self harm, emotional abuse

Ao3 Link  

“Ugh of course he did” Virgil sighs, throwing his journal across the room. Patton giggles still scribbling away at his homework. Virgil sits up, rubbing the nape of his neck with sympathy in his eyes. “Im sorry Pat, i know you wanted...not that”

“Hey its ok! I gave it a shot, plus the night I had was fun” Patton admits, he shrugs away his thoughts but finds himself doodling in the corner of his calculus work. “This is pointless” He shut his book away, returning it neatly to its spot on his desk. “My brain cant focus” He threw his eraser towards Virgil “Tell me about Roman” He smirks.

“Ok look nothings happened since the party” Virgil tells, and Patton listens, well until Virgil begins to ramble about their theatre project. His mind was in too many places at once, and he loved Virgil but once his gushing ended and his worries set in, Patton couldn't focus. His mind wandered to that fateful night, under the amber lights of a bustling evening.

“But they're so sticky” Logan scrunched his face, watching Patton thank the shop tender for his caramel apple. Patton rolls his eyes with a playful smile.

“Delicious is the word you're looking for” He corrects, Logan still doubtful. “Come on, take a bite” he offers, holding it up. Hesitant at first, Logan eyes it, was he examining the apple? Oh god, the way his glasses sat on his nose practically falling, Patton swears he could hear his heartbeat.

“Alright” He says, he holds his glasses, Patton strengthens his hold as Logan takes a bite out of the delectable treat. Logan's eyes quickly fly open, a surprise as he chews.

“Congrats Moreno! You're one of us common folk now” Patton teases, the wind ruffling both of their hair. Logan nods, taking yet another bite, Patotn didn't mind, he found the small chipmunk like chewing adorable. “Come on Simon, there's more to show you” He jokes, Logan takes his hand allowing the cheerleader to guide him. The apple was gone quickly but neither minded, it made their commute easier.

Patton had to wonder if Logan had ever been outside however, every little new thing sparked him, the bored robotic look in his eyes disappeared with a new flicker of excitement. Patton adored it. He grew fond of how Logan would fiddle with his fingers, it was soft.

“Just ignore them” Logan whispered as the pair walked towards a more quiet spot.

“Hm?” Patton hummed in response, a small skip as the gravel crackled below their feet.

“The girls and guys staring, just ignore them” And Patton had been. It was hard not to notice, each with daggers in their eyes but even if tonight was just a one time thing, or whatnot Patton was here to enjoy himself, enjoy the carnival he had spent weeks preparing and try something new. And it was nice, even if he did notice the winks Logan would throw out, the boredom as Patton chatted with people and the constant phone checking.

Its nice

It was nice

“So now im like i don't know! Should I dye my hair!” Virgil finishes, Patton coughs away his thoughts.

“I might have adhd but you can really go down a rabbit hole” Patton laughs, Virgil chuckles a flash of red on his cheeks. “Not a bad thing, and i think you should dye your hair if you want. No matter what you're gonna look great” Patton compliments. “Crap! We’re gonna be late” He checks his watch, morning homework sessions on monday were a usual. Except when they forget to actually get to school.

“Id say race you there but i dont wanna get there any faster than I have to” Virgil says, and with that they rush out the house.

~~~

“Does he have to looking so fucking cute” Logan spits, Roman stops his words instaly and looks to where an angry Logan glares.

“Uh Im sorry, imma need my friend back” Roman pokes, Logan turns to him, his eyebrows tightened. “Dude, what is going on with you” Roman questions, Logan slams the locker shut trying to distract himself from Patton and Virgil standing just a few steps down the hall at their own lockers. “Just a reminder that you-”

“Roman I am fully aware of what happened, I am also fully aware that the only reason Patton has not spoken to me is my own fault” Logan leans against the locker paralleling Romans pose. “However I am still infuriated that he looks that cute” Logan sighs. He wasn't wrong, even if Roman and Patton had their...issues he still knew his former friend. And Patton had an incredible eye for fashion.

And today was no exception. He wore a dropped shoulder cropped pullover, striped with white, pastel blue and pink, finished with a white collar. His light blue jeans sat comfortably on his legs cuffed at the bottom to show off his white sneakers. His belt was prominent and no mistake and his backpack slung over just one shoulder as he unpacked his belongings into his locker.

Objectively he was cute, but Roman was distracted by Virgil. He stood next to Patton talking away, his outfits always suited him and his defensive look only made Romans face flush more.

“Welp, you win some you lose some” Roman shrugs, patting his friend.

“I so appreciate the sentiment dear friend” Logan's sarcasm was not lost on Roman.

“Come on, you need some sushi in you” Roman takes his friend's shoulders, preparing to guide his friend towards the exit. Each has a free period that bleeds into lunch so why not take advantage?

~~~

“Is it bad that I want to wear Romans varsity jacket?” Virgil whispered as he darted his eyes away from the said jock who only stood a few feet away.

“No, it's adorable” Patton says, he organizes his things in his locker, ignoring as Logan and Roman begin to walk towards them. He knew rationally they were headed towards the exit but the small inkling of fear if they were to come up to him was still present. But quickly his mind was taken elsewhere with an abrupt cheer.

“One! Two! Three!” He hears, why was that voice so familiar? “Who missed me!”

“Janus!” Patton recognizes, he spins with unfiltered excitement rushing through the hall. Janus laughs as he sees his friend racing towards him wasting no time to wrap him in his arms and spin him quickly. Their embrace was pure elation, Virgil caught up to the pair with his own grin. They finally parted ignoring the crowd around them, specifically two boys who had decided sushi could wait.

“Buttercup!” He grins, Patton giggles delighted. He had missed Janus so much, and the sweet way the nickname fell only increased the buzz in his heart.

Someone else in the hall was not feeling the ecstatic energy. Logan glared his shoulders tightening under Romans hold. What was this envious sweat dripping from him as he watched Janus snake a respectful arm around Patton's waist, cupped to keep his gentlemans distance.

But Logan wasn't allowed to be mad

He saw Carly down the hall, she winked at him receiving a disgruntled scowl in return. He watched Brittany and Martin walk by him, each a flustered look.

And why should he care, he had the whole school, why did he need-

His thoughts were interrupted by the most intoxicating, sweetest sound to ever bless his ears. Pattons little giggle as he clutched to Janus for stability. He may have been seventeen but he towered over the boys, including Logan. Virgil seemed happy enough but Logan couldn't get over Patton. Patton stood blushing, his hand never left Janus’s side and he was...flashing the brightest smile.

Why did Logan want to be the one to cause that reaction

“Oh shut up moreno” He whispers to himself, swiping away from Romans grasps he shoots Martin a wink before making his way to lunch, a hesitant Roman followed.

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Hi! I am a really big fan! You are so amazing!! I was wondering if you could do a Alice in Wonderland AU Caterpillar Aizawa x Shy Reader! Where the reader wonders into Aizawas neck of the woods and he is intimidating, but lets her stay with him. And as time goes by he develops feelings for the reader? Maybe some nsfw after he can't hold back his desires anymore?

YOUR WHAT. A FAN?!? Of me?!!? THANK YOU ILY 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Nsfw.

Warnings. Caterpillar Aizawa smut

We fuck monsters on this blog 👏🏻

Aizawaland

You were reading outside under a tree, it was nice out so why not enjoy it. No one else was home so that meant no one would bother you. It was a calming relaxing day. In the middle of reading a bunny hopped over to you . You put your book down to watch it, it looked like it had a red jacket on? You reached out to touch the bunny but it quickly hopped back falling down a hole, you fell forward and the hole got bigger swallowing you right up.

Pretty lights were everywhere, getting larger and larger as you fell farther away from them . They changed shapes from stars to faces, to hats , cards, a purple cat, and the bunny . But it looked like it was running all around the other lights as if it was in a rush. Finally, after what seemed like ages you landed softly on a red top mushroom surrounded by smaller mushrooms and brightly colored flowers.

You fell off the mushroom into a bed of flowers, quickly, you sprinted up and out of them to dust yourself off and survey your surroundings. Only a couple trees, it looked like a garden, a huge one.

You found a path and followed it for a while , where were you? Was this real? It's all so colorful… eventually you came to a giant mushroom with smoke around it , lingering as if it liked being there. You waved the smoke away seeing some kind of large figure a top the mushroom.

“He.. hello?” You choked out.

The smoke faded and you saw a large caterpillar smoking his hookah, blowing smoke up at the bright blue sky. His body was big and long, he was yellow with many legs but he had a human face, he looked down to see you trying to figure out what he was. He took in some of his hookah and creeped down to you smiling , when he was inches from your face he blew out his smoke making you cough and wave your hand again.

“Whoo…are you?” He asked, not a care in the world.

“Im uh.. Y/N. I was .. reading when a bunny crept over to me. When i tried to pet it , it moved and i fell forward.. into a hole”

He rolled onto his back taking in his hookah again, blowing the smoke out with a happy sigh.

Was he.. listening? This was scary.. he's a giant talking caterpillar.

“ so youuu. Fell down the rabbit hole, into my neck of the woods hm? And just what..” he rolled back over creeping towards you again making you tremble. “Are we gonna do, about , that?” He asked smiling.

“ uh!! I .. i didint mean to trespass ..” you held your shirt sinking down to your knees rocking slowly. Telling yourself it was a dream

The caterpillar looked down at you and crept down to the ground , he spoke while he circled you. “Now now. No tearssss… i suppose, you can stay here with me. But its not a free ride no. “

You looked up from your knees to see his face in front of yours , inches apart . He blew smoke at you before speaking. “I haveee.. chores that need to be done. A pesky cat.. a mad hatter..take care of them hm? That Hatter has something of mine”

“Iii.. o-o-okay..”

He smiled creeping back to his mushroom lounging on it. “Purrrrfic...why not pay that pesky cat a visit now hm? And you can call me Aizawa”

•••••

The cat was indeed pesky, he was purple with eye bags under his eyes and never left his tree, he had some kind of control over you, a brainwash… if you will. But he always let you go after a minute of watching your pretty dazed face. The cat agreed to ease up on his shenanigans and pointed you in the direction of the mad hatter.

The mad hatter was .. well.. loud, hats everywhere spread over a table . He stood on the table with a flower as a microphone explaining that the item was under one of the hats . If you got it right you got the item. But if not…

You could think on it as long as you wanted, scanning over all the hats, then you looked up at the Hatter. You pointed to his hat and the Hatter laughed bowing , taking his hat off revealing yellow goggles. You took them thanking him.

•••••

With the tasks done you returned to Aizawa with his goggles which he happily accepted.

As the days went on Aizawa got more interested in you, you had grown to like this world, as interesting as it was. And you even enjoyed staying with him. You told him stories of your world and he always listened, even when he was half asleep or smoking.

One night he could not resist his urges anymore and let himself into you sleeping area, it was under his giant mushroom on some soft grass. You were asleep on your stomach with just a thin grass gown on, he gently bit into the gown creeping back, taking in your body as it was revealed to him. He nudged your legs apart staring down at your entrance .

So plump, plush, soft looking, eager.

He lowered his head between your thighs tasting you finally . You shuffled in your sleep feeling him lick you, his tongue ravished you like a meal, licking furiously losing himself in your delicious pussy. He dug his head in more making you part your thighs giving him more access . His two front little claws latched onto your thighs while he licked at your nearly parted folds, he pushed his tongue in and you grunted in your sleep pushing back on him. He moaned into your pussy enjoying every second of you pressing on him.

He forced himself to back away taking in a breath , he nudged one of you thighs up and had to lick at your now open pussy for a minute, he pushed his tongue in again licking at your walls for a minute. When you pushed back in your sleep he pulled off and crept on top of you.

He poked at your entrance moaning from the contact, slowly poking more till he slid right into you. He gasped out for air when he felt how warm you were, so tight, so wet. You squeezed his cock just like he thought you would.

Aizawa began humping you, his cock sliding in and out , your juices made noises every time he slapped into you. The sudden movement woke you up and you felt like you had something very heavy on you and something long inside you. You opened your eye to see Aizawa on top of you humping you and kissing your back.

Your heart thumped and you didn't dare move, he could crush you. Instead you closed your eye letting him have his way with you. Was this really happening?!???

His cock felt.. really long and thick inside you, were you wet? Was he licking you?!? You could hear him moaning into your ear with each thrust. Slowly you moved your other leg giving him more access to your needy pussy. Aizawa felt your leg move and started to go faster.

You couldn't help what you were feeling right now. The pleasure outweighed the fear , his cock fit you just right and his weight on you was like a blanket . He bit down into your shoulder and you felt all his legs creep around latching onto you so he could go faster.

A moan escaped your mouth and Aizawa let go of your shoulder to see you looking at him. Your face was just as red as his , you nodded at him giving him the OK to keep going , and he did.

By the time he was done you were filled to the brim with his cum. It leaked out in puddles, pooling around your thighs. The orgasm you felt was unlike anything you had ever felt before . Your body betrayed you in the worst way , you shuddered sucking his cock in and cumming all over it.

Aizawa had since gotten off you and rolled you over , admiring your body. He licked at your chest and you laid there , watching.

This was indeed a wonderland.

[smylealong]

Year in review - 2020

2020 has been a mixed bag of an year. Where on one hand it has been a raging dumpster fire with a global pandemic, lockdowns, social distancing, online schools, politics, forest fires, Karens and the general sense of ennui that the year brought. On the other hand, the year gave us all time. Time to reflect on ourselves. Time to teach ourselves new things. Time to binge watch. And boy did the streaming platforms make full use of it. Listed below are the best things I saw in 2020. (Across languages and in no specific order.) IT IS A LONG POST. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

HINDI Thappad: Dir: Anubhav Sinha. Starring: Tapasee Pannu, Pavail Gulati, Diya Mirza, Kumud Mishra and Ratna Pathak Shah. On surface level, the premise seems frivolous. After all, it was just a slap. Just. One. Slap. Yet, with that one slap, the protagonist’s neatly organized world comes apart at the seams. From there begins Amruta’s (Tapsee Pannu) journey into exploring the micro-aggressions and tiny slights that she has turned a blind eye to, for the sake of keeping peace. The film never veers into a glorification of violence nor does it get overly preachy. It is a mirror to the patriarchal society and raises pertinent questions about the things that the society as normalized. Things that shouldn’t be normalized.

Bulbbul: Dir: Anvita Dutt. Starring: Tripti Dimri, Avinash Tiwari, Rahul Bose, Parambrata Chatterjee and Paoli Dam.

Horror does not always lie in the things that go bump at night. Sometimes, horror is what society expects of you. Horror is the consequence of not fitting into the role that has been written for you. Sometimes, it is terrifying to be a woman in a male-dominated society. That is what Bulbbul explores. Wrapped in a beautiful package, Bulbbul tells the raw story of a child-bride who is punished, harshly, inhumanly, for acting her age. If you haven’t seen it yet, drop everything and watch it. It’s on Netflix.

Lootcase: Dir: Rajesh Krishnan. Starring: Kunal Khemu, Rasika Duggal, Vijay Raaz, Gajraj Rao.

This was a charming little movie that had me in splits. A story of a simple man who chances upon a bag full of money. What follows is a hilarious tale of lies, deception and comedy of errors. Kunal Khemu proves that Bollywood does not realize just how talented he is. Vijay Raaz’s deadpan comedy and Gajraj Rao’s evil smiling desperation are a delight to behold. I’m smiling even as I am writing this. This was fun!

Raat Akeli Hai: Dir: Honey Tehran. Starring: Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Radhika Apte, Ila Arun, Shweta Tripathi, Tigmanshu Dhulia.

This was India’s answer to Knives Out. Nawazuddin Siddiqui is at his finest as the honest and frustrated (in more ways than one) police officer who finds himself attracted to the mistress of the murdered man. What follows is a tale so full of twists and turns that I could not predict where it is going. When you have Siddiqui at the helm, you are almost certain to get a good film. But when he is backed by stellar performance from the able cast, that takes the film to another level altogether.

Patal Lok: Dir: Avinash Arun and Prosit Roy. Starring: Jaideep Alhawat, Niraj Kabi, Abhishek Bannerjee, Swastika Mukherjee, Gul Panang, Ishvaak Singh.

Wow. Just. Wow. This is arguably the BEST thing that I have seen all year. On the surface this is an attempted murder case. But what it actually is, is a mirror to our society. It is a human story. A story of greed, corruption, power, violence, misogyny, depravity and true evil. It is a story of love, hope, support, kindness and humanity. It is a story of us. My hats off to the entire cast and crew for coming up with something truly special.

ENGLISH

Haunting of Bly Manor: Created by: Mike Flannagan. Starring: Victoria Pedretti, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Amelia Eve, T’Nia Miller, Rahul Kohli.

Based on Henry Jame’s Turn of the Screw, this was a poignant tale of love, loss and pain. While it pales in comparison to its brilliant predecessor, Haunting of the Hill House, and the 1961 screen adaptation of the novel, The Innocents, Bly Manor still manages to be a worthy watch. In Mike Flannagan’s deft hands, we get to see a completely different perspective of the Haunting. I won’t say more, for spoilers, but this was definitely one of the better things I watched this year. Especially since I almost eschewed English movies/series this year. (I did watch some forgettable movies like Extraction and Mulan, but even mentioning them here feels sacrilegious.)

Korean

This year, I returned to Korean Dramas after a long time. My last Korean Drama before this year was Faith that I saw in 2014. Since Boys Over Flowers (Read Kim Bum) is my guilty pleasure watch, I decided to have it on in the background sometime in March or April this year. (Honestly, in 2020, who knows?). BOF took me to The King: Eternal Monarch. And TKEM introduced me to Woo Do Hwan who gave me some of the best times in this year. Three of his dramas feature here.

Save Me:- Dir: Kim Sung-soo. Starring: Ok Taec-yeon, Seo Yea-ji, Woo Do Hwan, Jo Sung-ha, Jo Jae-yoon.

Do you fancy a kick to your teeth? Because that is what this series is. What starts a simple story of a regular family’s struggles upon moving to a new town, quickly turns into a harrowing nightmare in which you are simply the viewer. The story delves into cults and the insidious power they hold. Through Seo Yea-ji’s brilliant performance as Im Sang-mi, we see a K drama heroine who is not a damsel in distress. She isn’t the one throwing the punches, that is done by Ok Taec-yeon and Woo Do Hwan. Still she is the one that leads the fight. If that wasn’t enough, Woo Do Hwan, plays Seok Dong-chul. Arguably one of the best male leads I have seen.

Mad Dog:- Dir: Hwang Ui-kyung Starring: Yoo Ji-tae, Woo Do Hwan, Jo Jae-joon, Ryu Hwa-young, Kim Hye-sung.

What a treat this show is! Smart protagonists pitted against equally intelligent antagonists and a taut plot that rarely sags (It does sag just a wee bit in the middle but it picks up pace very quickly). Woo Do Hwan is fantastic as the ever changing, tough to pin down, Kim Min Joon. The layers in this character! This show will keep you guessing. Every cast member is stellar and no one has a single misstep. A must watch!

My Country: Dir: Kim Jin-won Starring:  Yang Se Jong, Woo Do Hwan, Kim Seol-hyun, Jang Hyuk.

This series brings a set of very complex emotions in me. Don’t get me wrong. I love the series. Its story, characterization, costumes, cinematography, acting, action scenes, OST. They are top notch. A+. But... and this is a big one, this series is also a glaring display of what happens when a writer falls in love with one of their characters. As a writer, I can say that we love all our characters. But it is very dangerous for a writer to move from simply loving the character to falling in love with the character. When that happens, the writer becomes afraid of letting that particular character make mistakes. Or glosses over their flaws. Often at the expense of the other character. Which is what happened here. The writer fell in love with Seo Hwi and Nam Seon ho paid the price. Hwi could literally assassinate people in front of Hui Jae and still be forgiven for it, while Nam Seon-ho gets demonized for trying to save Hwi by telling lies. I could go on and on about how unfair this series was to Seon-ho, but that would be a separate post altogether.

Tale of a Gumiho: Dir: Kang Shin-hyo Starring: Lee Dong Wook, Jo Bo-ah, Kim Bum.

I started this series for Kim Bum (I LOVE THE GUY). I was prepared for some cheesy, goofy fun with some good looking people. But soon, I was watching it for the story. A smart Urban Fantasy with elements of Korean Mythology, this was UF done right! This series made me do research. I am so tired of seeing the same old myths in fantasy that this came as a breath of fresh air. Intelligent protagonists who communicate well (gasp! what? That happens?). A flip-flopping anti-hero. A truly psychopathic villain and a bunch of other well-fleshed characters make for one entertaining watch. I highly recommend it.

Chinese:

K-dramas made me revive the Tumblr account that I had created sometime in 2017 and which lay dormant since then. Soon, my Tumblr feed was filled with gifs and metas of a show with pretty men. I did not pay much attention to it, till a post about Jin Ling’s Uncle made me snort. Even though I didn’t understand what it was talking about, it was still funny. Realizing that the show is on Netflix, I saw the trailer and wasn’t impressed. Then there was the length. 50 episodes! Holee-moleee. “No. I ain’t got that much time,” I said and moved on. But then, I saw a gif of a man smiling. I had never seen a smile that dazzling. There was something about that smile that made me go back and click on the first episode. And in less than ten minutes of the episode, they killed the man whose smile drew me to the show. WTF? But I had seen gifs of him. There had to be more. Then, the show began and I had no idea what was happening. I decided no smile could be worth the brain-cells I am having to expend for this. Chuck it. But people in Tumblr said, hold on. You will understand it. Episode 2, and I still wasn’t sold. I gave it till episode 5. Then, before I knew it, I finished the 50 episodes and currently reside in the rabbit hole that is The Untamed.

Dir: Zheng Weiwen and Chen Jialin Starring: Xiao Zhan, Wang Yibo, and a host of others. I can’t write the name of the entire cast, even though I want to.

PS: In case you don’t know, the man with the pretty smile is Xiao Zhan.

[pretty-idol-hell]

Pretty All Friends Chapter 7

First Previous  Original Japanese

Translator’s notes: ......Pretty All Friends is a fever dream.................. I hope you like cat puns.................

Chapter 7: The Fairytale Country and the Prince of the Enchanted Forest 

The All Friends were continuing along their journey to meet various friends in all the destinations they passed through as they made their way towards the country of song, dance, and fashion “Pretty Rhythm Paradise”. As it happened, there were some girls waiting to meet the All Friends in the Fairytale Country. But! It seems they had gotten themselves lost.  

Bell and Wakana stared so hard they could have burned a hole into the letter they’d received decorated with stickers and a doodle of their faces. They sighed deeply for the 10th time.

“Bell, what’s the deal with this letter we got from Naru!” Wakana whined. “All it says is ‘Let’s meet in the Fairytale Country♡’ ... Could it be any more vague? There’s no place or time or anything!! Just purrfect.”  

“You don’t need to get so mad. We were able to meet here, so we have each other at least,” replied Bell.

“Even though we got the All Friends’ itinerary from Meganee-san, it seems they’re just taking detours all over the place! What a cat-tastrophe!” 

“Indeed. That is troubling. But they aren’t the ones I’m worried about..”

“You ain’t kitten! This place is dangerous even on the best of days! If we were somehow able to meet everyone here it would be a miracle!”

Around this same time Otoha was quickly shuffling her feet through the “Enchanted Forest”, a place even no one in the Fairlytale County ever dared to set foot in. 

“Oh no no no I’m in trouble! Even though I got here three days early just to make sure I would be on time, I have to accept my fate! It seems I’m lost! Aaah, now there is no way I can meet up with Bell-sama and Wakana-san! Oh, everyone, what should I do!”

Otoha whirled around to face the small birds, rabbits, squirrels, and baby deer of the forest which had formed a large group behind her.

“I agree. Worrying won’t get us anywhere. Let’s have tea to calm ourselves down. I have some delicious sweets as well! And if you’d like I’ll perform a prism show too!” 

The animals rejoiced! 

On the other side, Bell and Wakana were turning quite pale as they looked at the entrance to the “Enchanted Forest”. 

“I don’t know how it could be possible, but it seems she may be lost in here.”

“Otoha makes the impossible paw-ssible... Look, there’s proof of it in the prism stones she dropped!”

“Yes, what a predicament. And by the look of those clouds we’ll have to find her fast.”

As the forest darkened with encroaching rain clouds it caused a slight sense of foreboding. The animals huddled around Otoha as they chattered helplessly.

“I’m sorry everyone, but this is the last of the tea and sweets. Please go on home now. I’m already tired and sleepy...” 

With a sadness in their eyes the animals disappeared back into the forest as Otoha asked. Otoha wrapped her arms around herself and rolled to her side on the forest floor. 

“Oh, shall I sleep forever all alone in this forest? When will a prince come and find me? It would be such a fairy tale if that came true...”

Just as Otoha mumbled this in a sleepy haze, a strange voice could be heard from the tree above.

“My lady, my lady! If you take a cat nap here you’ll catch a cold!”

“Oh, hello kitty-cat that looks just like Wakana-san. I seem to have gotten very lost and caused everyone trouble by not meeting them when I should have. So I think I deserve to be a prisoner in this forest.”

“You think so? I predict good fur-tune is just about to come your way! Look, he’s arrived!”

As soon as the cat said these words she disappeared, and it was at that moment that the animals reappeared with a prince on a white horse! 

“What a handsome prince! But you’re a little early. I’m sorry. I’m not sure if I’m ready to take things so fast...”

“Um, we’ve just met and you’re already apologizing? Also, I was really just passing through anyway,” The prince said as he ran his hands through his purple streaked hair in annoyance. 

“Oh no no, I’ve angered the prince! I knew it. I’ll just have to sleep in this forest until the end of time... *sigh*  I’m nothing but a klutzy blockhead through and through.” Otoha’s shoulders drooped in gloom. 

 “Aah, give me a break already,”  said the prince as he watched this pathetic sight. “Get on and I’ll drop you off somewhere as long as it’s not out of the way.” 

Otoha was scooped up into the prince’s arms and onto the horse. She began to doze off again as she rested her head against his back.

“Oh my! Where am I being taken? A ball? That would be such a... fairy tale...”

As she fell asleep and continued to dream Otoha felt the swift wind swirling around her as she was whisked through the trees... and the smell of roses.

“Oto! Oto! Are you alright?!”

“Otoha! You better wake up right meow!”

Bell and Wakana had found Otoha sleeping on a bench outside of the entrance to the Enchanted Forest.

“Huh? Bell-sama, Wakana-san. What on earth happened? I was just about to be taken to a ball by a prince, but...”

“Oh no! Oto’s speaking nonsense! Did you hit your head? Where does it hurt? Aaah, what should we do?!” 

“Hey, chill out Bell! This is just nor-meow Otoha!” 

Once they were able to calm down the near tearful Bell, the three celebrated their joyous reunion.   

“It was hard enough just to get Bell Rose back together. It will be im-paw-sible to meet the all others!” said Wakana.

“Indeed. I can’t imagine it,” Bell agreed as the two looked at Naru’s letter and sighed for 10 more times. 

“Bell-sama, Wakana-san, at times like this we should just have tea and wait patiently. That will soothe your hearts. Oh, I know! Shall I call the forest animals?” 

Thanks to Otoha’s suggestion Bell and Wakana were smiling again. 

Before they knew it the suspicious clouds had cleared and warm sunlight spread upon them. 

Next Chapter.

[norcumii]

Reblogged from the prior tumbl, originally posted 02/04/2016. Question submitted by @makiruz. Slightly reformatted to avoid a readmore cut and whatnot.

In Full of Sith, they always ask new guests how they got into Star Wars. And you know? That's a good question, how did you got into Star Wars?

HEH. Oooh, that’s a bit of a loaded question. So I’ll give you the short answer, which I suspect would fit the thing you mentioned what I haven’t heard of; and then because I’m a wordy bastard what overshares, the long answer which is more accurate and has content warnings for self harm and suicide.

SHORT ANSWER

It was the 80’s. I was young, in single digits, though I couldn’t tell you exactly what age. I was already dealing with an irregular sleep cycle, though all I knew was I had a flashlight, a pile of books near/on my bed, and a thick pound puppies duvet to read under.

I don’t know if I was in my room or on my way to/from the bathroom, but I could hear my parents watching something downstairs. Swooshy noises, a shrill screee, and some thwoom bzzts.

Of course I went downstairs.

I don’t know if it was episode 5 or 6. I’ve a fondness for 6, but carbonite left a HUGE fucking impression on me, and my parents have always approved of muppets, so Yoda.

I knew I loved it. I didn’t have any toys, though I think somewhere there was a print edition of A New Hope running around. I do recall multiple sleepovers at my grandmother’s place – a tiny house on acres and acres of woods – and she’d sometimes pull out Return of the Jedi and we’d watch it together on her tiny TV. Later on I’d be in bed, staring out at woods and trees that I knew, but seemed huge to a little kid, and I’d dream of Ewoks.

RotJ was Gram’s favorite, and for many years mine, too.

I like Ewoks.

VERY LONG ANSWER

TW: mental illness, depression, self harm, suicide, abuse

In late elementary, early middle school, my brother and I were basically reading ANYTHING we could get our hands on. He sometimes dove into books that didn’t interest me, so I’d read the first of something and then be bored and he’d keep going.

Star Wars EU was one of those. It was too grim for me. I think I didn’t run into any of the really good writers. It was all Han and Luke and Leia on the covers, so take that for what you will. There also was no Wookiepeia, so I was depending heavily on the writers’ abilities to convey things to someone very visual, yet pretty impatient with descriptions, so it never took.

I was in high school when The Phantom Menace came out. Mine honorable brother was off at college, so it was with great excitement on my part, and bemused tolerance on my parents’, that they and I went off to the theater.

On the one hand, I was dazzled.

On the other, there was Jar Jar. There was the fact that I hadn’t been impressed with the re-release of the OT – Han shot first. FITE ME. There was the fact that TPM didn’t feel like Star Wars, which was darker and grittier and…simpler to me.

So I wrote it off. Packed Star Wars away as “one of those things” that I’d been into, but felt like I was moving past. I was obsessed with Gargoyles, I was looking at going to college, and I would keep m’damn ewoks without needing to try to extend that vision with gungans.

College sucked. I went in, not sure if I wanted to go into English, for writing, or Psych, because I had always been what I’d now call The Mom Friend. I met a nice guy who tried, but things never really clicked between us, and there was an interesting bit that he was mad about Star Wars and insisted that I read the Rogue Squadron books.

That was a Good Decision. Dating him, not so much.

I had a huge assortment of Life Issues. Got into an abusive relationship that would end up lasting 14 years. Transferred schools. Got the fucking Psych degree, though literally only by the grace of a professor who didn’t want to see the kid not graduate just ‘cause she couldn’t numbers and I did go in and try. Talked to him and still couldn’t with the maths but the effort was there to bump me a few points above failing.

I was burnt out. I was depressed. I tried killing myself a few times – not very good at it, as you can see. Took up self-harm as a coping mechanism. Failed in the still never successful search for a decent therapist in Pittsburgh. Got a job slinging food, because needed some kind of income, and people without pressure was nice. The keeping on a schedule thing failed, leading to an average of 4 hours sleep a night. Losing contact with family and friends because I couldn’t stand the pressure of “how are you?” and “what’s going on in your life?” Clinging to Warcraft because repetitively farming was better than clawing open my back or neck again, and the people there were ok with some rando dropping out of sight on a dime, and only a persistent few had the grace and spirit to make it past some serious defensive issues of mine.

I stopped writing. Stopped caring about Gargoyles, stopped being able to see into that AU I’d made for myself of a crazy clan and the weird human who survived cancer with them.

Stopped going on IM, for the same reasons I stopped talking to people.

I still kept track of some folks via LiveJournal. A handful of the Gargoyles folks who were determined, gods know why and thank you, since I know several are here on the tumbles and I genuinely love you to bits.

I quit my job after five years, because enough was enough between the fact that it had all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship and I was fucking tired of being a manager without any actual authority, and the endless hamster wheel of hiring and people quitting because it was a nice, but highly dysfunctional place.

I missed the customers, though. Several of them are here too, and it’s kinda funny ‘cause I know in at least one case I talked to them about Star Wars. I still hope they’re not too shellshocked that I kinda went down the rabbit hole pretty deep.

Started getting more sleep. Not less anxiety, not less depressed. Tried out a few depression medications, with very mixed results.

Then one day @dogmatix came into the LJ area I still hung out in. Enthusiastically recommending to all and sundry that if there is even a shred of interest in Star Wars, THERE IS THIS THING YOU SHOULD READ.

She drew a Wookiee. That was a character?

I’d always liked Wookiees.

And I needed something to read.

Star Wars was one of those things, from back in the day before things went to shit. Low investment, since if I didn’t like it or didn’t care, then eh. Whatevs.  Dogmatix was one of the Gargs holdouts still in my circle (or whatever it is that I was hovering at the edges of), and in the past I’d liked her recommendations more often than I disliked them.

I’m also endlessly weak to her art.

Wookiee.

So I did that thing. That so many of us here have done. It took me about 2 weeks to get through Re-Entry. It had trouble taking root in the depression, but Obi-Wan going crackers was something I could empathize with and appreciate.

There was the hope that had been missing from the EU novels I’d tried reading back in the day.

There was Wookieepedia, which meant I could stop and see what a Nautolan was. I had tabs open for DAYS so when someone named Adi or Gallia who were apparently the same person? I could see who that was. I got stupidly distressed that Abella didn’t have an entry, until I twigged and checked for a Chitanook, and holy shit I could never tell what character was going to crop up as canon, obscure EU character, or home brewed.

I honestly expected to set it aside, get updates as they happened, and gradually step away because that’s how things were going at the time.

But I still needed something to read, to stave off empty hours when my brain was too full of screaming.

On Ebon Wings. I’d loved The Crow when I’d seen it back in high school, and that story tapped into the powerful visuals and the lovely message I’d adored and in ways I still don’t quite understand it somehow validated that I could be mad and still be ok. Maybe. Maybe not now, but someday.

Maybe.

So I gave in and got a Tumbl. I’d been a stubborn holdout, regularly checking the same half dozen feeds daily because dammit, I don’t wanna go through the trouble and I was close to giving up on LJ and another journaly thing? That was stupid. But I wanted to follow Flamethrower and Dogmatix, and it made it infinitely easier to follow several blogs (and oh GODS one of those is a mutual and holy fuck I swear I screamed the day that happened and it’s still a high to realize).

Dogmatix wrote Möbius and Accidental Timeshare, wherein Venge goes universe hopping. That’s also a weakness of mine.

I’d been kvetching IRL about the treadmill and wanting something to watch, and someone mentioned in Dogmatix’s feed The Clone Wars – which conveniently was on Netflix. So I figured what the hell. I was disinclined to like clones – ‘cause yeesh, they’re the reason the Jedi all died, and yeah, ok, the Order was SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP, but.

I still had never seen Episodes 2 or 3.

I turned on the Clone Wars movie, and within ten minutes I nearly fell off the back of the treadmill due to crying.

THIS was the Star Wars of my youth. THIS was what I remembered. A little grim. Lots of quips.

That sound. Lightsabers igniting. A-wings rumbling overhead. Blasterfire, and that music.

I had to stop and calm down and for the first time in ages WRITE [, because I just had to ramble about how it all hit me in the feels]. I had no idea I’d missed this.

By the end of the movie I’d decided ok, I wanted more. Wasn’t sold on these clone fellas, and damned if I could tell one set of armor from another (this is ALSO due to the treadmill screen being calibrated to be a compromise of a very short person – me – and a very tall person, which means neither person gets a decent view but that’s not what the treadmill tv is for).

I’d been told there was an order to the episodes, but I didn’t care. Continuity is for those who think about the future, and I was still regularly suicidal.

So the first episode I watched was Yoda romping around a planet, playing with droids while three clone troopers tried to babysit his mad little ass.

They had me, all in one episode. I loved these guys. They had individuality, I could tell them apart by the voices (which is sometimes just as important to me as visuals) even if I couldn’t name them, and the personalities –

They were loyal. Their primary concern was old batty Yoda which I had adored as a child because MUPPETS. They were willing to die to keep him safe and there was this lovely reciprocity in taking care of each other and all of them, clones and Jedi alike were doomed to extinction and I don’t think I knew yet HOW the clones were except they weren’t in the OT so there was shit going down.

Tragic figures, loyal found family, incredible voice acting, Batty Old Yoda who OH YEAH FUCKING KICKED SO MUCH ASS I COULD NEVER GET ENOUGH.

I wanted to keep those three clones. I was willing to keep them all.

Final blow, that knocked me into the fandom so hard I’ll be surprised if I ever leave?

THIS.

The origins of Balance. This is the post that started a simple notion, to try to write something when I’d gone….anywhere from 7 to 10 years of not writing A SINGLE. DAMNED. THING of substance – and that was after thinking I might try to get a degree related to it.

Darth Wraith was a tentative idea. I was scared @deadcatwithaflamethrower would be irked I wanted to play in her sandbox (oh my gods I was inserting myself into a conversation with her this amazing person who wrote blindingly well and so damn much and how the FUCK was I daring to speak up about a silly half DREAM I’d had because once again I couldn’t sleep).

Then, because I was trying to break out of the depression, the cycles of mental ill health, and if I was on this tumbls thing, fuck it, I’d try the IM thing again.

I’d been gone long enough that pretty much no one on my contact list was still there. That…was ok. There wasn’t the pressure.

And Dogmatix popped on, asking if I wanted to share details about this Sith Qui-Gon thing.

I had A SCENE. ONE. SCENE. And she was spinning it off into this EPIC, which at first I was gleeful because she had neat ideas and I couldn’t wait to see what she would do with it and then wait, she’s not talking about writing it herself, this is more about something WE could work on.

Thank gods it was IM, because I had a little panic about commitment to a project when I regularly was sure I wasn’t going to see tomorrow and if I didn’t wake up one morning that’d be MORE than ok.

Still. There was that itch. The visuals in my brain. The characters I’d started to like in Flamethrower’s universe, which had formed my mental voices for them.

The only sound in my head for so long was just screaming.

Writing down that scene in Knock On Effect, where Venge meets Wraith – that felt good. It never changed much from the first draft to what was posted. The rest grew, and quickly. It was clear if we were doing this, then there were multiple stories, spanning in universe years.

And then there were spinoffs. Wonderful ideas and plots spiraling away from this one notion, and gods I wanted to write about those glorious clones.

How’d I get into Star Wars?

Chance. One strange little step at a time, and a bunch of miracles and horrors that kept me bleeding but not dying. Damn good fic. The kindness of friends. The generosity of strangers.

The tragedy of a once great order of space monks, and their allies-forced-to-be-betrayers clones.

One little picture, of Qui-Gon Jinn with Sith eyes.