#so i feel like im low all the time
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what do i do when i have the same dexcom sensor on my pump and my phone but they are showing completely different numbers lol
#i know the answer is test my blood. but i dont want tooooooo#my meter is downstairs and im so cosy in bed#my phone says 4.4 and going down. my pump says 10 and so it upped my basal#i dont have hypo unawareness its more like. theres other things wrong with me and those symptoms feel like hypos#so i feel like im low all the time#i cant really gauge my blood sugar by how i feel#debbie tees
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isat pokemon au, my liege?
my rambling in tags
#my art#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#pokemon#siffrin#mirabelle#isabeau#odile#bonnie#i am not individually tagging pokemon sorry. floragato eevee ursaring scorbunny meowstic <- for anyone who does not know them#im personally a big fan of when artists mold pokemon designs like clay to fit their characters so i tried to channel that#siffrin really does have the perfect mystery dungeon backstory. washes up on a beach with no memories of their past type of deal yknow#i imagine that he was still a sprigatito then? and evolves at some point during their journey? dont ask me for details i dont know them#veryy tempting to make him an absol but ive already seen that done very well!! so i kept most of these to floragato sif#mirabelle being an eevee is suuuch low hanging fruit sorry. i could not resist the evolving pokemon not wanting to evolve trope#i was concerned that sif was no longer shortest party member until i realized they just stand on their back legs all the time to feel talle#when quadruped like mira he is still shortest. sorry siffrin#isa gave me such a hard time. like i never thought i would turn a character into ursaring of all things but it really was the best choice#my other choices were bewear or pawmot if you care. he’s so bear coded#if going purely based on looks i probably would have made odile a sneasler. but i wanted her to be psychic#ill be honest bonnie was purely vibes. they carry the treasure bag :)#never draw bonnie's hat in profile worst mistake of my life#loop is still cat shaped here but i’ve seen the idea of them changing species thrown around. much to think about#i like the idea of the party seeing sif and loop side by side and immediately clocking their entire deal#the change god is mew btw. very important information to no one but myself#eurasie as hisuian zoroark?? lots of hair. and the king can be darkrai#don’t mind the inconsistencies. me and my 2781 ways of drawing the same character#wait what does an eevee look like again. googles it. oh i really crabbed this one up#uhh. looks around. been sitting on this one for a bit too long i think. maybe ill clean up some more sketches later
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fashionably late 2 pride month
#br'aad vengolor#gillion tidestrider#jrwi#liveclock and pretzel are there also#i should just give all the little beasts their own tags i feel like im always typing that lmao#i havent drawn br'aad in 4ever i abandoned my boy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#gillions sword + sheathe take up like 1% of the space in these pics. but i feel like it took more time 2 draw than everything else combined#and its way too low bc i just had a vague idea of the pose i wanted 2 draw and id already drawn most of gils arm#b4 i realized th positioning was off. ..................#tryna make it work anyways was part of why it took so long 2 draw lol#um anyways happy birthday to all my fellow gay people !!!!!
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anthonyyyyyy
#mildly interesting fact the 4 white cartoony lines took me about 15 minutes to get right#my art#idkhow#anthony purpura#im not sure if anyone will see this but im happy w it#:)#ive never drawn anthony before so yeah#i feel Good#i drew him cause it was his bday a few days ago but i was at like an all time low mentally so i just took my time rather than rushing#i feel more at peace now#guys what r your thoughts on the colours are they good. i think theyre good
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You doing ok?
hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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finally coming out as a dyke in 2023 is realizing i dont need to pretend to simp that Guy just because everyone else in my friend group does
#finally coming out as a dyke in 2023 is realizing i can be insane abt women the same way my friends are insane abt men#life changing#mochats#im sorry to my friends who think me simping that guy was genuine#i was just trying to fit in#its a good time to admit that 90% of the time i also dont care abt male characters same way how-#-some straight women dont care abt female characters#i refuse to waste my power on a guy everyone else cares about#im tired enough and i have assignments to do#if i become an outcast for only sparing my energy on women then so be it.#i care about my friends and love them gushing abt a Guy but i personally cannot be made to care in a way they do#not just because i think (often neglected) female characters deserve more of my attention but also because-#-my attraction does influence my interest LETS BE FR HERE#growing up is realizing that putting attention on things you dont care about#is exhausting#as fuck#and i kind of hated how i feel like i wasted my youth energy drawing characters idc abt to please others#now im just tired all the time#while wishing i can draw more women more often#so like#dont do that#draw and write what YOU want#btw its not that i dont care abt men i just have such low energy lately that if i care for anything else but women — it may be unfulfilling#live laugh fatigue#every time i see a guy fanart i scroll past life has never felt so good#(unless its by a friend which i will appreciate dearly i love my friends art and how passionate they r)
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omw to see a guy im not interested in bc he has my coat
#basically chat i am Not bi i truly tried i just feel nothing . and i went on a date w a beautiful butch and the way my heart went crazyyy#it rly confirmed it#however . this guy . ok so we went on 2 dates and he had some rly bad takes at the end of the second date out of nowhere#i alrdy felt nothing and by then i felt even more. nothing. BUT#in other ways hes like green flags all around except for those specific takes . anyway. i thrifted this coat in bordeaux and me and my#friend have joint custody over it like it is Our Coat and we share it etc etc it spends equal time at our houses#given those takes i fear if i tell him in advance that im not interested there is a very low chance he might like#not give me the coat back ? idk#anyway I WANT MY COAT BACK ik its unrealistic that hed do smth like that but . idk idk The Takes TM worried me#anyway idk how to break it to him. like . hi ik im in ur house and u wanted to cook for me but i rly want my coat back and also ur opinions#abt feminism and the military are Worrying and also goodbye im a lesbian
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I'm inconsolible-
I got a new Shampoo but it's awful, my hair feels WRONG- and it's sensory hell but attached to me. Like I was so tempted to chop it off (knowing it would solve nothing but ya know-) BUT I'm too tired to take ANOTHER shower so i just gotta cope
#screaming crying throwing up#its the wrong TEXTUREEE#It feels like its not all gone#even though i spent way more time on it#IT WAS EXPENSIVE TOO#So just all ar0und shit#and it was already a bleh day#(not flare up just low energy)#and now this#im gonna go eat
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also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me
#i grew my hair out so i could twirl my hair while giggling about bald men#and also t.o.p of bigbang#and short men i see at the grocery store who honestly make me feel light-headed with raw and unbridled Want#but that's just a joke. i am. Lesbian#''no ur not'' I AM#anyway i used to be so ripped and hunky but now i am frail and sickly#what getting a job can do to a mf#thankfully i quit my job last week YIPPIIIEEEEEEE so now i will work towards becoming an absolute hunk again#wish me luck#ALSO#if anyone is obsessed with me and remembers all my lore i used to be transgender and i still am like lowkey on the down low#but in a new exciting way#anyway i used to be a gay man and then a stone butch dyke (as seen above) but now im practicing being a girl#it is very difficult but it is also fun. ive never been a girl before so it's a lot#anyway i bought two super cool sexy dresses yesterday for the first time ever in my life#sexy dresses meaning up to my neck and down to my feet and past my elbows. kind of like a wardrobe straight out of the handmaid's tale#from (to quote my friend) ''*The* old lady store'' thanks man. well i think theyre pretty and its v exciting bc ive never been a girl befor#anyway#who wants me#i still use the name emil online btw and i honestly always will i think it's just so me and also i do still answer to he/him dw#in a man way not in a he/him lesbian way#''he's LGBTQA+'' what. all at once?#yes.#i have mastered them all i have collected all the genders and all the sexualities and ive never been ''wrong''#it just keeps switching. which is fine. well im a girl now. in a detransitioning man way. who is insanely attracted to men#but you will have to tear this lesbian label out of my cold dead hands#''you can't call urself lesbian if u have sex w men'' well first of all fuck you and second of all i am celibate so you dont need to worry#''what the hell are you talking about'' nothing. now look how hot i am#im just joking around i hope that's fine w y'all
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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transcription under the cut!
The worst ship chart ever.
Ship name: Loopdile
[insert very tiny math] Ages: 43 and 31? Age difference: 8?
Portrait of Odile with an eyebrow raised saying "I'm not telling." Name: Odile. Gender: trans woman (maybe nb but idrc rn). Sexuality: Aro lesbian.
Portrait of Loop with a finger raised saying "I'm not telling~" Name: Loop. Gender: Nonbinary (??? what is identity). Sexuality: Ace bi
General sliders. "Relationship starts quickly vs the slowest burn you can possibly imagine" is marked fairly close to slowly and trails off towards slow burn. "They'll be together forever vs They'll break up after 2 months tops" has two marks, one at 2 months and one really close to forever. "Cute couple vs dear god they're ugly" is marked a quarter slider away from cute. "Reasonably healthy and normal relationship vs They're dying and getting killed and hurt man" has a wide mark all the way from the halfway point to a quarter away from healthy. "Extremely popular ship vs literally no one ships this but me" is marked fairly close to no one.
Specific sliders. "Giddy and happy to be in love vs they just killed themselves 40 times in their head at the idea of being in love" has loop at died and odile fairly close to died. "The madoka vs the homura" has loop at homura and odile a third of the slider away. "Telling anyone who will listen about their partner vs rarely brings up that they're in a relationship" has loop a quarter away from telling anyone and odile fairly close to rarely. "eats and/or encourages a healthy diet vs eats dry instant noodles only" has loop at noodles and odile a third away from healthy. "crazy ass vs truck freak" has loop at crazy ass and odile fairly close to truck freak.
Tell me why your ship is interesting... go!
What draws them together? Odile is the only motherfucker that can handle them; Loop is weird and intriguing.
What stands in the way? Poor communication skills; Loop is clingy but Odile often needs space; Loop lashes out and self-isolates.
What are their good traits? They're both hilarious and dedicated to the bit; they're both devoted to their loved ones.
What makes them hopeless at romance? Odile is aro-spec and uninterested in romance; Loop both hates/fears and craves romance; Luckily they can just be something stranger!
Describe them with one trope: found family, deadpan x emotional, secret third thing, I'll protect you from yourself.
#suicide mention#these are today's headcanons... tomorrow? who knows.....#so. the weird sliders.#siffrin had a low grade crush on odile which. obviously didn't instantly come to fruition but it's not exactly a slow burn situation eithe?#and then during sasasap and isat loop's emotions about everything ever were. not doing great#they come out of canon a total mess#and odile's like ...i could fix them. NO WAIT IM NOT DOING THAT.#so again the thought is there and. a little more slowburn y this time. but only for a specific part of the dynamic#and then there's kinda a slow build of loop's new dynamics w everyone in the group?#and the thing with odile escalates into being a Thing#but again it's hard to call it slow burn bc there's no like. line to tip over into dating.#but it's not *instant* either#it's a snowball gaining speed downhill#ok next weird slider#oh yeah#they 'break up' fairly often as one of loop's 'this is 100% a joke and not my real feelings at all' bits#even though they're not dating and they don't actually want to break off whatever shit they do have going on#it's a way to express a need for change#BUT the whole family is in it for the long haul#and loop and odile's dynamic may shift over time but again. there's no 'breaking up' line#so they won't necessarily be [together?] forever but they will be together forever#and then it's. not an *unhealthy* relationship but it's not normal either lol#with a whole range of behaviors between 'genuinely helpful to each other' and 'lmao what the fuck guys'#ok those r the weird ones! the rest are obvious right. like ofc odile is closer to truck freak 🙄 but not entirely
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#p4#persona 4#p4d#persona 4 dancing all night#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#actually low key obsessed with naoto's comment - conversationally adept but terrible at making speeches#personally i would say yosukes not even capable at conversation half the time with his foot in mouth disease#but i wonder if it was because naoto was even worse at conversation therefore making yosuke seem good in comparison#BUT it had me thinking about that time where naoto mentioned yosuke had told naoto that they could be oblivious to other peoples feelings#and then i think about all the private conversations between yosuke and yu and i wonder if yosuke is actually just#pretty good at 1-1 conversations but awful in bigger group setting#and im not saying its my Yosuke-Puts-Up-An-Act-For-Others agenda coming into play again but with i think in a large group setting its just#a little harder to do so#i think yosuke is very sensitive as an individual and he still struggles with saying the right things#but especially in settings where a number of people are watching him talk#he starts to fumble and trips over himself quickly#especially when people start teasing him#because he's started referring to his peers with honorifics becauses hes nervous#but also teddie bullying yosuke like “favourite disappointment” i think teddie means “favourite” more but yosuke only hears disappointment#thinking about how it sticks with him in p4d because when he does a good dance one of his lines are “not such a disappointment after all!”#oh my god yosuke.....#he's good with his queue
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#jean kirstein#floch forster#reiner braun#bertolt hoover#aot#mineee#art#trying new things and stuff but more importantly its so frustrating i feel like i have not improved at all kms i know this is so bad#im at an all time low rn#artists on tumblr
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I am fighting for my life to be mentally stable and it’s not working
#personal*#jess talks#trigger warning cus I’m feeling really low and might vent#but genuinely I want to give up#I don’t want to exist#I feel like a burden and a scrounger#I realised yesterday that everything I have is because of someone else#I haven’t earnt anything for myself or done anything with my life#I complain that I can’t support myself#yet I make no effort to fix that#im scared of my insecurity to do anything#I’m scared I’m not good enough#I’m scared to exist in my own home#it doesn’t feel like my home#I haven’t felt ‘at home’ since before uni#I’ve moved house 6 times in the past 7 years#I never feel secure or safe#and I feel responsible#I wish I could just go get a good paying job and support myself and my family#all I want is my independence back like I had at uni#but even at uni I was living off of a loan I’ll never be able to pay off#my whole existence is a waste#I’m contemplating giving up on my art and business because it’s getting me no where#I might as well give up entirely#I can’t see any positive resolutions in sight and I feel so helpless#but all I’m doing is feeling sorry for myself#my parents are sm worse off than I am currently yet I’m the one having panic attacks and terrified to leave my room??#I’m gonna be 26 still living with my parents achieving nothing for myself#with no relationship experience and not an inclining of self respect#grow up Jess
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therapist told me to take it easy this week and try to put my room n myself n my eating habits in order and try to avoid pushing myself further than my limits and consequently try not to punish myself for not doing enough and that seems so much easier when youre saying it but doing it is like. taking a math test. gives me a headache and im like dont wanna :( killing myself sounds so much more fun has anyone tried killing myself...
#txt#like . okay . i will. but also i feel so much guilt n shame all the time when im Not doing things its like . why do u have to b productive#all the time to justify being alive. why do u always have to prove ur good and doing enough otherwise u should be killed in front of the#whole town like abigail blossom in riverdale....#anyways. good morning question mark#also sorry 2 the ppl who didnt follow me for sadass bitch hours 24/7 but if youre new here ive been unmedicated for half a year now#and im currently on an epic low stage of the highs and lows of living while mentally disabled#and this blog is like my open diary. god bless though
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they could make a new we didnt start a fire song with the amount of dystopian fuckery going on
#genocide and colonization; AI takeover; greedflation; american election; photomatt; covid pandemic; measles comeback#human rights violations; war crimes; tiktok; elon musk; low wages and layoffs at an all time high; ceo paycuts; online censorship#climate change; oil spills; car centric infrastructure#just to name a few off the top of my head. im not even saying this to be funny im like dead serious full on depressed#i hate being so negative on main because it feels defeatist and sends everyone into a spiral#but i really want to change the world if i can help it and that means not ignoring everything thats going on even when my brain is#screaming 'its so over.' i want more ways to change the world but thats exactly why the current systems in place thrive on supression#more ppl should hate the way things are instead of accepting it because none of this should be justified in the first place#please dont be sad. be angry because i think we all deserve to be the way things are going rn and i want to punch elons teeth in#vent#yapping
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