#so i definitely have a lot of internalised issues there which. i don’t even know where to start

[demonqueenart]

Hey, thanks for bringing this stuff about DnP to light! Obviously, as a someone who’s been a fan of theirs (and still is) for about ten years now, it’s a hard pill to swallow, but even when I was younger I could tell that some of the jokes/statements they made were definitely in poor taste. I never acknowledged the wider hurt it may have caused, though, and I’m definitely learning to be better than that and listen to when poc are talking about these issues.

I guess there’s definitely an element of defence, particularly in this day and age, where people immediately assume that their faves are being cancelled and they’ll rush to defend them to avoid that from happening. To be fair, I’ve been that person before in the past, but I’ve learnt to internalise that “no, people aren’t trying to cancel DnP or ruin people’s fun, and believing that is simply immature; we are simply holding them accountable so that they can make amends and make the space more inclusive to everyone.”

I know there isn’t anyone that you can fully trust, but DnP have always shown capacity for kindness, acceptance and inclusion (as a trans person, I noticed over the years how they became more and more trans inclusive with their language, which was nice to see), especially with their recent support for Palestine which so many other creators have not bothered to even talk about, so I want to hold out hope that they would genuinely want to make up for what they’ve done, and I really hope they do. We all hope that. In the meantime, it’s up to us a phandom to make the space more inclusive to poc fans and to allow this conversation to happen without getting scared or angry or defensive.

I’d also like to point out, even though I know that this isn’t in any way related to the conversation at hand, that I was personally disappointed by a tour announcement because I knew I wouldn’t be able to go. Even though the most basic tickets are technically cheap, they’re still not accessible to a lot of poor people, and considering the UK is going through a cost of living crisis right now, it was certainly a bit of a slap in the face. I will admit, I was incredibly surprised that Dan put WAD on YouTube for free, so there is obviously a growing understanding on their part that their tours aren’t accessible to everyone, so I’m hoping they’ll find a way to make this new tour accessible, but I still think this tour has a problem with exclusivity in a LOT of different areas, as you’ve pointed out. I have friends from different continents who have complained about the exclusivity of the tour, even from friends who are in Europe (but aren’t in the more Western parts of Europe; there are no shows in Greece for example, despite the fact that there’s a large number of English-speaking phans in Greece).

One last thing I want to mention, though, I saw an anon talk about the subtitles on their videos. I have sensory processing issues, and I’ve always found that their videos have proper subtitles on them. I’m not sure whether I’ve missed some videos, but I’ve watched a substantial amount of their content and I haven’t found the subtitles to be a problem, so I’m wondering if perhaps the subtitle issue might be an individual issue instead? Again, I really don’t want to assume if I’ve got something wrong, but for me personally, DnP are one of the only YouTubers I’ve been able to trust to have proper subtitles on the majority of their videos, so that ask confused me. If anyone’s able to clear up that confusion, I’d appreciate it, because I don’t want to misrepresent someone else’s experiences just bc they don’t match mine.

Anyway, I’m really sorry for the long ask. Again, thank you for bringing this all to light, and I really hope things improve. I will always love Dan and Phil, and I trust that their hearts are in the right place the majority of the time, so I really do hope they grow from this. I’ve seen genuine growth from them over the years already, but there’s still a way to go, and none of us can shy away from it no matter how much we want to.

Stay safe, and have a nice day!

I'm glad I can be the one to shed light on racism and normalize talking about it in this community. Back when we weren't able to have this discussion properly, I would have never expected people to ever understand or accept me in this community again. I was told by many of my well-intended friends who've been here longer than me that the only way to move forward was to make peace with the racism that was happening here. (And don't get me wrong, they meant well and they’re a very good friend of mine for that. They didn't have to support me when I was at my lowest, when I was so damaged from it I could hurt them so easily. But they did it anyway because they cared. Some of them may not even share the same worldview as me, but that has never been a barrier for them to reach out and say they support me.) What I'm trying to say is, that the phandom was that bad before: The only way to survive as a poc who's being oppressed by this community in the past was to shut up about our experiences, or leave.

So when I saw your ask, able to articulate a full understanding of the situation of what's going on here, it feels like I had served my purpose. For the past fifteen years of this fandom's existence, we have never been able to talk about this until now. And yet, me and other blogs talking about this have managed to make an impact, enough to make us finally open up about it. A lot of you feel safe enough that you no longer chose to go anon by it now. That is fucking amazing. I hope that it has been healing and educating for all of you, and that we as a community will be able to move forward in the right direction this time :)

As for the subject of subtitle issues, I would admit I don't know a lot about it too much, since I never have to use it. From what others have said in the tags, it seems older videos had proper subtitles, thanks to the free community captioning. But ever since the hiatus, everything has been all over the place and they might not have that proper system to rely on anymore?? I don't know much, so if anyone is interested in expanding more on the subject, or more to where the op of this ask can be coming from, I would love to hear more. We should know what exactly happened so we can bring this to dnp to see where we can improve. (Also, I’m glad that ask opens more discussion about this now. And I didn’t realize it’s disability pride month, yay!)

[ID/ a banner with light blue sparkly background; the disability pride flag slides in from the left and darker blue text pops in reading "Make some noise for Disability Pride Month!!" /end ID]

Banner by dapg-otmebytheballs

Auto-message: This ask’s purpose is to acknowledge dnp’s past/present exclusivity, not to cancel them! But to embrace mistakes that they’ve made so that 1. we won’t exclude people in need in this community, and 2. we can normalize bringing up exclusivity so that improvement can happen. Hopefully this will one day help dnp realize that this is a safe space for them to talk about their mistakes, so that this space can become safe for people of all kinds too <3

*If you don’t understand what is happening, scroll through my blog for context. And I’ll be taking time to answer my asks, so don’t think I’m ignoring youuu*

[thoughtful-dragon]

For me, the main issue with the idea of the radical forgiveness of James Tartt isn’t really the concept (although I don’t really like it and, to be honest, am quite disappointed to find that this is what they meant the whole time), it’s that I don’t think it’s what Jamie needed. Because I don’t think his anger at his dad was the problem.

When we meet Jamie in season 1, he is acting badly in a way that hurt people. He is not – I would argue – doing this because he is angry at his dad, but because he is trying to earn his dad’s approval, or – at least – avoid the emotional abuse that comes from not acting in a way that his dad approves of. This is what he basically says at the curse fire in 1x06:

“I actually fucking hated that. So I made myself so tough that he could never call me soft again.”

So he’s not acting in the negative ways because he’s angry. He’s doing it as a defence. A defence he probably keeps up even if James Tartt isn’t in regular contact/has regular access to him because he will have internalised all the bullshit he’s been telling him.

Then he goes back to City and has a pretty terrible time due to the continued abuse by his dad. And we know that this doesn’t let up no matter what Jamie does, because he cannot get it right for his dad because you can’t get it right for abusers, and because we have seen James Tartt abuse him when City wins and Jamie tells Ted that his dad criticised everything he did, down to how he sat on the bench. Due to this abuse, he does something that he identifies as being: “to piss off my dad.” He goes on a reality dating show. So, arguably, he does that out of anger. But I don’t think we can only ascribe that to anger, because it also has the effect of getting him away from his dad. So, even if it was because of anger, it could still be argued to be partially out of a desire to remove himself from the situation.

Then he comes back to Richmond out of necessity, and works on becoming a better person and earning the forgiveness of the other Richmond players*. He also goes to therapy. Based on the recent episode, I sadly think that he has not been keeping this up in season 3. I don’t think any of his behaviour in S2 can really be ascribed to anger at his dad.

I don’t actually have much to say about Man City (2x08) because I don’t think we learn that much about Jamie’s motivations, apart from the fact that he again gets his dad the tickets in order to get him off his back. He does then punch him, which could definitely be anger. But it’s also – again – defence. He’s defending himself from the continued abuse. Abuse that would have definitely turned physical had James not been removed by Beard. Then, Jamie is not angry, he is devastated and probably a lot of other emotions.

Following this, we do not see any behaviour that can be said to be because of anger. We see Jamie admit he loves someone (arguably inappropriately) and then, in S3, we see him step up to being a leader within the team, deal with a challenge to his ego in what I would say is a largely positive way, and work hard to improve himself. He is supportive, emotional, communicative. He is, in short, clearly becoming the best version of himself. Which is probably because he has no contact with his dad.

Then we have 3x11. At the beginning of this episode, Jamie is clearly in the midst of an emotional crisis. He is deeply uncomfortable with any attention or publicity towards him (wanting to avoid attention for fear that it would attract his dad to do something? It couldn’t be Jamie!) and he is retreating heavily into being not at all what his dad would want by denying his goal/profile etc. But he’s really not broadcasting anger to me.

“I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. And I wash my hair but I don’t use conditioner, ‘cause what’s the fucking point?”

So. This is depression. Obviously. But the fact it’s all happening in the run up to the City game means this is, pretty much, all about seeing his dad. ** Which means not being able to sleep points to a lot of worry.

Then, we have the conversation with his mum. And here, Jamie says:

“I always did what I did, because fuck him.”

Now, I don’t agree with this, but I can see why Jamie says it. Defence might, after all, feel very much like anger.

“And now that I don’t give a shit about him, it’s like…”

I don’t give a shit about him.

Jamie has shaken off the feeling of wanting to please his dad, of showing that he’s not soft. If he was angry at him, he’s not now. Or, he might be, you know, feelings are complicated. But he’s feeling lost (or, y’know, he doesn’t know what direction he’s going in yet) because he is finally shaking off that trauma and expectations.

I also think this reaction can only be explained by Jamie also starting to come to terms with some of the significant trauma that he’s blocked out or not addressed. The example we know about is obviously Amsterdam***. But also there’s been sustained abuse over the years. There are questions over how much Jamie and his dad interacted when he was a kid, but based on him being able to take him to Amsterdam it’s not out of left field to suggest that Jamie’s dad did have periods of access to him, potentially regularly or semi-regularly, and largely without his mum there.

So Jamie isn’t feeling angry. He’s feeling… lost. He’s feeling sad.

Then we get to the side of the pitch after Jamie’s been injured and Jamie’s looking in the stands for his dad. Again, and despite the ‘fuck you’ that he throws out later, to me he’s not broadcasting anger here.

He’s broadcasting fear.

Now, in this conversation, Ted does acknowledge Jamie’s feelings as legitimate and he likens his dad to Freddie Krueger (again: fear). Although Ted goes on to say that ‘hurt people, hurt people’ which is true, but not a line I particularly enjoy as part of the extended metaphor being about James Tartt.**** Then he does say that he would tell his dad ‘fuck you’, but I actually think that Ted asking what he would say to him misses the whole point. He doesn’t want to see him. That’s the whole point. Yes, he’s looking for him, but it’s out of fear and because he believes that he is there. He doesn’t want to have a conversation with him (he’s not ­you, Ted. You are angry at your father and mother and you can never address one of those and you manage to address the other in this episode. Jamie’s problem is not anger, but you don’t know that because you haven’t been involved up until this point).

Jamie doesn’t need to let go of his anger. He needs to address his trauma, rather than drowning in it. And he needs to feel safe in order to do that. And the way for him to feel safe, regardless of what stage of redemption James Tartt is at*****, is to not be near his dad. And also to go to therapy.

*This, incidentally, is the message of the show I thought I was watching. Because they did show people doing terrible things, realising it, apologising and then doing better. They showed this with Rebecca. They showed it with Jamie. They showed it on a smaller scale with Trent and Roy’s interaction in 3x02. Like, Roy needed to let go of the anger, but also Trent needed to apologise in order for Roy to do that.

**It can’t be just about playing City, because Jamie was not showing this in 3X05. And I have to reason that this is because James is now banned from Richmond, or because Jamie somehow knew he wouldn’t be coming, because otherwise this makes no sense. So, if we go with that, playing City and only that is not a source of anxiety. Arguably, going back to the Etihad Stadium might be harder, but… not this hard.

There’s also the fact that Jamie is under more pressure now, as the lynchpin in their strategy, but – again – he’s not shown anxiety around this in other places.

***And, seriously, fuck the writers for this. Fuck them for having it said once. Fuck them for never bringing it up again. Fuck them for having it said in the season where they then have Jamie talk about forgiving him without ever addressing the fact that he was a victim of CSA, but doesn’t remember it.

****I once read an excellent fanfic in which Jamie goes up to Manchester when his Grandad (James’ father) is dying and it helps him to see the cycle of abuse and break out of it. He then does feel sad for his dad in the fact that his grandad was abusive to him and he turned around and was abusive to Jamie. Arguably, he then sort of lets go of his father. If the show wanted to tell that story rather than vaguely imply it, I would be on board. But without that knowledge, this seems half-arsed.

*****Obviously, any hint of redemption is completely bizarre. Because we have seen literally no redeeming qualities from this man in the entire series. We have heard of no redeeming qualities. I saw someone saying that maybe Wembley was a wake-up call for him and, I’m sorry, but what? He was dragged out of the room, yelling at Jamie not to forget where he came from and clearly threatening violence and then, oh yeah, we see him on the night of Wembley and he almost kills Beard. I don’t know, maybe the bloke hitting him around the head reset his personality. But seriously, you can’t expect the audience to fill in that many gaps and not have it be bad writing to make your fucking awful point.

[toxicroyjamie]

i actually think jamie is a man with very little internalised misogyny (and i think every man has misogyny ingrained in their brains, but there is definitely a scale)

he’s one of those men that i just. i trust more than like, the perfect leftist bfs who paint their nails for tiktok validation and say all the right things but end up being pretty horrible to women. and that’s not to generalise guys who genuinely express femininity and are openly feminist (i 100% think jamie would enjoy keeley painting his nails) but you know the kind of guy i mean, right? like, there’s all kinds of misogynists, but it’s the wolf in sheep’s clothing type that scares me the most.

anyway, i know that jamie is fictional and this may be me projecting what i want from men irl but:

in the same way that i think jamie popped into the world not giving a fuck about his sexuality, i think he also popped into the world not giving a fuck about gender. if his dad never came back into his life, jamie would’ve been someone who never even THOUGHT about being “too soft” or “not tough enough”. i’m not trying to minimise the impact james’ abuse HAD on jamie, because it 100% fucked him up, but ultimately he is GEORGIE’S boy. just look at his relationship with her; i think it says a lot about how jamie feels about women. any issues jamie might’ve developed about masculinity/sexuality were fed to him by james, and as soon as james is out of his life he drops those issues like THAT.

also, season 1 jamie is a prick, yeah. but he’s a FAIR prick. he treats everyone with the same level of disrespect, for the most part. and actually, i think there is an argument to be made that jamie has issues with men, is wary of them, and on the whole, is far more respectful to women. i think he instinctively, and it makes sense why, trusts women much more than he trusts men. no, he didn’t treat keeley well, but they sort of mutually used each other and i actually think he cared about keeley more than she did him, he just had no idea how to show it. granted, he was a dick, but i think because people found him SO ANNOYING (which he is, godbless) people think he was worse than he was. and i don’t want to minimise his actions in s1, he was an absolute nightmare, but i don’t ever think jamie was a misogynist, so there is no way for him to still BE a misogynist. i actually think he’s a pretty good case of a guy who’s far from it. and people are allowed to read him however they’d like, that’s their prerogative. s1, okay, i disagree but i can see where someone might be coming from. s2&s3 though? it’s impossible for me to see that.

sorry for this long ass rant lmao i have many more thoughts and i’ve just woken up but. yeah

love your blog <3

Thanks for sharing all of your thoughts with me!!

All of this is interesting & I especially agree with your point about Jamie's relationship with Georgie.

I do think that Jamie learned some toxic attitudes about women from his environment (especially his father). Like he's definitely not perfect. But as a woman I don't think he's a misogynist so much as a man who has put his foot in his mouth a few times, much like most of the other male characters on this show lmao

Btw - sorry to nitpick but "internalized misogyny" refers to the misogyny that women learn to apply to themselves and other women, not misogyny that men learn from other men. A better term might be "implicit misogyny" or "learned misogyny"!

And thank you!!! 💘

[nocityfolk]

THE COWBOY CROONER FROM WYOMING, IT'S JESSE COLT !

𓄀 A STUDY IN: the lone son, losing your identity to fame, the loss of an abusive parent, overcoming toxic masculinity, & internalised homophobia.

independent & fandomless original musician character with multiple verses [horror, 80s, etc.,] | managed by rach, 25, they/them !

╰─▸ i. bio | ii. stats | iii. verses | v. jesse's music | vi. pinterest board | other blogs: @ohkrateia, @facingabyss, @smiledickhead | dash only !

[ psst. rules below the cut ! ]

hi. i'm rach, they/them, lesbian, 25, australian. mutuals, please feel free to ask for my disco.rd for plotting/ooc chatting! personal tumblr available upon request, too!

SELECTIVITY: i’m selective which means i choose who i want to roleplay with and i won’t follow for follow. tldr; i'm mutuals only. please don’t let this deter you, as long as i can see our muses going somewhere, i’m likely to follow back! / please don't message me, send me asks, etc., if i'm not following you. i will block you.

CODES: if you have a special code in your rules, i likely won’t send it. it can be kind of uncomfortable for me to do so but i can guarantee you that your rules will be read!

MEMES: memes are a great way to break the ice, and help build dynamics. i don't mind if you reblog them off me!

FORMATTING: i sometimes double-space and mostly use icons, but i'll occasionally match the formatting of the person i'm writing with. so if you prefer not to format or use icons, that's fine by me! i just ask that you use proper grammar and punctuation, and trim your posts.

RULES: following on from before, if i ever happen to break a rule, you’re free to pop into my ask & kindly tell me. i’ll make a note not to do it again. tell me gently and be kind, and i’m sure your sincerity will be returned.

IMPORTANT: if you ever need anything tagged, feel free to shoot me an ask, on or off anon, or dm me to let me know. i’ll keep your triggers in mind and make sure i tag them in future!

SHIPPING: i love shipping, & i would love to ship with jesse! i'm a big multi-shipper at heart, so he won't have a canon ship in his main verse. & please keep in mind, he's a closeted bi man in an industry that hasn't historically been the kindest, and in a genre that wouldn't treat him the best if he were to come out. i'm definitely open to m/m ships but in his canon verse, they wouldn't come without their caveats, unfortunately. that being said, f/m is a bit easier, but jesse was scorned in his last relationship and will struggle with trust issues. he's incredibly shy regarding romance/intimacy & will need a lot of encouragement, but he has a lot of love to give and he's a loverboy at heart!

USFW: this space will likely contain things usfw at some point, so i'll try to tag it as such when i can. side note but please feel free to send romantic/smut memes in if i post them, even if we haven't interacted. they're a great way to try out a dynamic, and i have a lot of fun writing them!

ETC: this is so funny to say, but despite portraying jesse as a cowboy-esque figure into the rodeo, etc., i've been vegan for many years and don't approve of it. aesthetically, it kinda goes off, though, so while i won't delve into the bad side of rodeos, horses, that kinda stuff with jesse, i ask that it isn't mentioned ic either! we're here to have fun.

[ please don't follow if you're: homophobic, racist, transphobic, biphobic, anti-palestine, pro-israel, anti-semitic, pro-trump, etc. i'm not interested! same goes for harry potter fans/blogs. i don't have banned fc's, either, but please no known zionists, abusers, etc. ]

[vigilantejustice]

just to continue my diatribe in the tags

[spicyicymeloncat]

It’s 4am it’s angst o’clock so here’s ninja attachment issues:

I feel like everyone has attachment issues but like Zane in particular sticks to people like a sad puppy. After wu finally grew up again after s9, Zane would not let him leave the house alone and because incredibly over protective (hence him jumping in front wu every time anything happens ever). Especially after s11, Zane does not like to be left alone, he’ll start to disassociate. Whenever someone leaves he’ll try not to look sad but he will be, and whenever he does any solo missions, he does so out of necessity and so tries to put on a brave face. He’s still kinda in denial about it all but everyone else kinda knows and always have a buddy system, and get worried if Zane is alone.

Kai also does not like being left alone but unfortunately his response to anything is isolating himself. No one is allowed to leave him but he will storm off when he’s upset, only for a few minutes later he’ll realise that he actually did not want to be alone. He’s caught between trying to do things alone because he had to in his childhood but also feeling very scared of reliving said lonely childhood. Whenever Kai feels bad about himself he basically punishes himself by isolating himself but he’s trying to break that habit. So yeah he likes company and will often drive with someone on the phone (Pixal usually just because they are driving phone call buddies).

Jay is more of an introvert and definitely needs his alone time but he also requires validation every five minutes and can be really clingy and overwhelming when he is around people (which in turn is the reason why his social battery is so low, he’s draining even to himself). He definitely didn’t have that many friends before the ninja and so he’s kinda insecure and tries really hard to be around people bc insecurities. Jay’s just one of those types who assumes everyone’s default opinion of him is bad so he’s always trying to prove himself. And he thinks if people don’t want to spend every moment with him then he’s doing something wrong, and also if he doesn’t spend all the time with them then he’s conveying that he doesn’t like them. It stresses him out and leads him to try and over plan dates and occasions because it has to be perfect. Again like Kai, he’s trying to change that mindset and learn self love, and take space for himself and valuing quality time over quantity.

Cole was someone who tries to leave before he got attached, he’s family trauma making him hesitant when opening up. He’s also more on the introverted side and especially in times of hardship he just wants to be alone because people are pressure yknow. He finds it hard to rely on others and would and could disappear into the mountains for months if he thought he should. He often won’t speak his mind due to a low self esteem and he does go off on his own because he doesn’t want to bother anyone else with his problems. However, he also tries his best to accommodate for everyone else meaning he ends up internalising his own needs to stay with them. Also he’s acts really friendly unintentionally so even when he does run off he can’t help but make other friends, because usually they’re in a similar position to him (the rule of the socially awkward: make socialise best with other awkward people). He needs his space but Cole also needs to be reminded to not take on too much all on his own.

Nya is also someone who would totally isolate herself. Like Kai, being alone isn’t ideal but instead of just hating it, Nya just got used to it, and doesn’t have very high expectations for commitment. That’s why she was initially uncomfortable with the level of attention Jay gives her, or why her response to the group disbanding in s3/4 was to chug on and build a boat. Nya kinda just expects people to leave and doesn’t put in a lot of effort because of that. Like someone who used to be very clingy but then the worst case scenario came true and she no longer cares. But as time went on, she’s slowly beginning to trust and depend on the group more and is slowly healing. She’s still in the process of it all especially demonstrated in Seabound where she still couldn’t trust her mother enough to fully spend time with her.

Lloyd literally hyperfixates on every interaction ever. He tries so hard to please every single person he meets because he feels the pressure of being the green ninja, and he’s overly trusting - firstly about the nature of the people he meets and secondly, about his ability to help them. He’s kinda got an “I can fix them” complex since what happened with pre s8 Garmadon. When he first started living with the ninja, he didn’t exactly feel at home and so was a lot less sociable with them but at the same time was incredibly lonely. Although from seasons 3-7 he definitely got more emotionally dependant on others since getting kidnapped by the overlord, the group split up, his dad dying, and being possessed, but after s7 he regained confidence to start working solo. I also hc that s8 was when he physically turned 18 so by then he was kinda wanting more independence (especially because the ninja are a lot more smothering and the household is never quiet) and took on more solo missions. Lloyd is still incredible awkward talking to people outside the family especially since he didn’t have a lot of time to socialise tho. I guess all in all he’s on the more nonsocial side.

Gotta put wu, elemental master of having no friends sticking around, in here as well. Wu has seen many people come and go and usually they just leave him and he’s come to expect it. However he usually takes it as a failure on his part and will spend the rest of time being sad about it and would not continue to try and meet other people since Garmadon left. The only thing driving him to not become a complete hermit was the green ninja prophecy, and he accidentally let himself get attached to all his students. That’s another thing, Wu gets really easily attached, he’s pretty desperate to prove himself (which is why it hurts when they leave). But his attachment to the people around him, is also what causes him to push them away, because he felt he’s failed too many times and also because he wants to keep them safe.

[findingmyselfatm]

Astro notes because these typa posts are getting popular

The usual dsiclaimer: I am no professional, take what resonates. Most of these are based off my close friends' charts.

To start off strong, I love venus in Aires. They're so passionate and fun in love, it's amazing. They most likely have a flirty nature with a streak of independence. I know, Aires isn't the best sign for venus, but if that's true why are they so cute??? Ok no jk jk, but for real now. As someone with a libra venus they make my heart go 📈📈. I feel like they're also the type to not want to label their feelings? Especially with some aquarius in the mix.

You have taurus placements? Be my friend rn. They're so down to earth and giving, not the most upfront about it but they care a lot for the people dear to them. Expression is different for every placement, but taurus moon is probably the most clear about it.

To all my mercury in the 9th house and 12th house people, you're not stupid just because these houses aren't considered a comfy place for the planet. Firstly 9th house is literally the house of higher studies and philosophy, I do not see the connection to lack of intelligence. And secondly, the 12th house also represents our subconscious, with mercuy in it, I suspect these people are more rational than they look or than their own expectations.

I have seen some astrology observations saying scorpios are attracted to leos and capricorns and uh, as a scorpio sun and mercury, cut the cams guys. This mix is simply so, good and appealing. The scorpio archetype values loyalty, truth and emotional depth. If there are any signs fit for this, capricorn and leo are among them. They're definitely loyal to their loved ones, not just anybody. They're devoted to their passions and most likely hard working too. What more could my scorpio juno want? (I am planning a juno post btw)

Another thing I have noticed is the observation that Neptune in the 1st/Pisces rising cannot be characterised by others easily. I have neptune in the 1st and yeah. Realistically, everyone acts a little different depending on the environment, but with this placement, I hardly feel like any personality test, kins, or other people's descriptions of me fit unless I tailor them and try to much them all together. I think this is because of Neptune in the 1st's tendency to be chameleon like, not necessarily on purpose. Also perhaps their disconnect from themselves. As someone who likes consistency in character, this sometimes infuriates me. If anyone else with these placements feels like this too, a word of advice is to accept the chameleon nature. It is human nature as well, not just astrology. Also, one single placement does not define your entire identity, so don't worry about it. If you wish to change something, maybe use neptune in the 1st's ability to change according to an ideal >:)

Find someone with their mars sign as your eros sign, or vice versa, if you're looking for physical/sexual attraction. Eros in mythology is the son of Aphrodite and Ares, Venus and Mars, he is basically the ultimate physical attraction placement. F.e: my best friend has mars in aquarius, and I have aquarius eros. Our chemistry is strong haha- and I have another friend whose eros was in capricron, and they obsessed over a guy with capricorn mars.

Talking about capricorn mars, I feel like it gets over-sexualised in the astrology community but for a good reason- ok no jk. These people have a great potential for an amazing work ethic, and really have a no bullshit attitude. I bet you can see why people thirst over them, right?

If there is one mars sign that always manages to piss me off, it's either gemini, pisces or aquarius mars. Gemini mars attacks you with their words, they most likely know where to hurt you. Aquarius mars is like this as well, but a whole lot more stubborn in the face of opposition. Meanwhile pisces mars is passive and they simply do not engage, which can leave people a little irritated (it's me, I'm people). However I believe these mars signs have a lot of positives as well. Gemini mars is very observant and witty, that's how they strike where it hurts. Aquarius mars is usually confident in their opinions, and pisces mars is great at mediating conflict when they don't run from it.

People say Jupiter in the 11th makes someone popular, meanwhile me, with this placements standing here with a friendgroup of at most 5 people. Ok no jk again. I get that it depends a lot on other factors. That's why I think Jupiter in the 11th makes someone jovial and easy to approach.

To all my other moon in the 12th house people, do you ever have moment when you respond emotionally to a situation you weren't expecting to? Like, where did that come from? I'll make a longer post on this, but I believe being in the 12th house, emotional workings are hidden and when they arise they are unexpected.

"Moon conjunct Saturn are unemotional" nah nah, they don't show they are emotional. Moon conjunct Saturn people can be extremely emotional just like anyone can, but they keep their feelings on a leash, to hell with it if they'd let them out lmao. Of course, they open up to the people they truly trust, which makes them very guarded but less likely to get stuck in a blackmail typa situation.

Chiron conjunct mars people have to heal some wounds regarding their anger. Perhaps they have internalised anger, or they express it too outwardly and hurt others without knowing. I sense there are some issues with figuring out where the blame stands (blame themselves too much or too little). Mars is also about protecting your own, so these people are most likely very guarded in terms of their issues and trauma.

Is it me or do we tend to have a love hate relationship with the sign of our descendant? I have Leo descendant and my experience with Leo sun signs isn't that great, however I am in love with leo moons even if they sometimes piss me off lmao- a friend of mine has Sagittarius descendant, and she said she doesn't like Sagittarius placements. And then she got a crush on someone with a Sagittarius stelluim-

And thay concludes it. Thanks for reading, and feedback is always welcome!

[missnight0wl]

The Cursed Trio: Negative Emotions

You know that I love the Cursed Trio. And so, here came the idea to assign them to negative emotions. At first, I wanted to call them “weaknesses”, though it’s not entirely accurate since these emotions are kind of motivating as well. Another thing I want to point out is that all three of them deal with all three emotions to some degree, and they’re pretty important for their stories. Still, I was trying to pick the ones which are the most prominent.

Also, I want to thank everyone who answered my question about colours and emotions a while ago! I’m sorry I didn’t use every suggestion, but I wanted to keep it pretty cohesive. Still, I appreciate you a lot!

Now, without further ado, let’s discuss it a bit more in detail.

Patricia

Patricia was fairly easy to decide. I almost always saw her as someone dealing with a lot of anger, and I want to explore it more in “Secrets and Riddles”. To be clear, I don’t think she has anger issues, not really. In fact, I imagine her as someone who became insanely good at controlling this emotion, or maybe rather its expression. The thing is that she also conceals a lot of other feelings with anger because it’s almost her default reaction. As a result, it stops her from exploring her actual emotions. She’s just full of rage, and she believes she has to tame it by directing her focus anywhere else.

Also, I was wondering once in what situation Patricia could’ve been caught crying, and honestly, I think she’s the type of person who’s much more likely to cry because of extreme anger, not sadness.

Jacob

Jacob was even easier to decide. His character is all about guilt, really. It has a lot to do with how he was raised and how it resulted in him having a very strong sense of responsibility. When Helena was born, Jacob wanted to be the best big brother he could be. And so, he’d often take care of her and whatnot, just being a good responsible boy. Their parents were obviously happy to see that because hey, who wouldn’t want to have a son like that, right? Unfortunately, the more they were allowing him to take responsibility, the more Jacob was internalising the need to be the responsible one. This is actually something both Alice and Chris see as their mistake made with Jacob and very much regret – especially Alice.

Anyway, Jacob always felt responsible for the Cursed Vaults and therefore guilty about students getting hurt – even after Patricia told him that R would force him to all of that either way. He feels guilty about Duncan’s death, Olivia’s disappearance, and many other things. He always feels that he could’ve done more to avoid negative outcomes.

Helena

Helena actually gave me the most problems, but once I decided it should be fear, it suddenly felt like an obvious choice. Deep under the surface, Helena is scared most of the time.

When Jacob went missing, Helena heard their parents arguing many times. Once, Chris said that it wouldn’t have happened if they left the wizarding world as he suggested at the beginning of the war. Of course, he had no idea that Helena was eavesdropping. But shortly after that, she got her letter from Hogwarts – and she was scared that she disappointed her dad. She was also scared to reject her magic. She feared that she’d never find out what happened to Jacob or that she’d be too late to save him. She was petrified, thinking that all of the curses and other bad things are really somehow her fault.

Of course, there’s also a lot of guilt in Helena whenever one of her friends gets hurt. She’s quite prone to anger as well, especially in later years. Jacob is probably the best out of the Cursed Trio at managing his anger, but this emotion is definitely familiar to him. He knows fear very well, too, especially from the time when he was imprisoned by R. And while Patricia hides a lot behind anger, she deals with guilt for most of her adult life, mostly because of her parents’ death. Moreover, she’s scared more often than anyone could tell – which is often connected to Jacob.

All of that being said, these weaknesses can be positive, too, just like I mentioned already. If Patricia’s anger becomes too extreme, it can be destructive – but it’s also a reminder that she cares, even if she doesn’t want to admit it. Jacob’s guilt can lead to depression and self-hate – but when he listens to his reason, it’s also what makes him try harder to repay for his mistakes. Helena’s fear might be paralysing – but it’s also what taught her to be more cautious. Each emotion might destroy them, but at the same time, each helps them survive.

References:

Patricia | Jacob | Helena

[disaster-j]

hi there i love your blog

what are your top rated bls of all time. i need some recs.

Hi anon! Sorry this took forever I was busy when I first saw this ask and then it got buried under all the others 😔 but! Of course I have recs for you!

Not gonna go for the obvious ones like Theory of Love or A Tale of a Thousand Stars or even Bad Buddy which I really do love despite my hatred for the finale bc you likely already know those. So here’s some BLs I looooove but don’t really post about-

1. Light On Me- korean bl, high school setting, love triangle done Very Well. I did talk about this a bunch when it was airing but not so much anymore. It’s definitely my favourite k bl tho and I love it with all my heart. 1000/10 would recommend, absolute perfection.

2. Gameboys- filo bl set near the start of the quarantine, showcases the sudden shift in lifestyle caused by the pandemic, the rise of online intimacy and coping with long distance relationships, very cute and heartwarming show. Everyone should watch it at least once.

3. Dark Blue Kiss- thai bl, this one is a bit controversial bc a lot of people hate it but to me this show- particularly PeteKao’s plot line -did a really good job of exploring the effects of issues like internalised homophobia and being forced to be closeted by societal pressure on queer relationships. A lot of people who watch it completely miss the nuance of the plot tho and just reduce it to an overdone jealousy arc which isn’t even the case. Anyway, I think DBK is a lot better than most people realise and it definitely holds some really important conversations about queerness in modern times.

4. Mr Heart- korean bl, short and cutesy story featuring secret crushes, (re)meet cutes and a lot of running (with a dash of poverty struggles)

5. A Man Who Defies The World of BL- japanese bl, parodies the cliché and/or toxic sides of the bl industry and bl culture by setting up the story from the pov of a man who realises he’s an extra in a bl world and makes it his mission to avoid falling into a romantic plot line by all means. It’s funny and simple and does a great job of highlighting the ridiculous nature of some of the most prevalent bl tropes.

6. Kieta Hatsukoi- japanese bl, cutesy high school concept ft shenanigans and queer realisations. I was actually really hyping this up when it started airing but then Bad Buddy and Not Me started and it got lost in the excitement of those two. Still, it’s a really cute and wholesome show and I really enjoyed it. Highly recommend if you like fluff.

7. To My Star- korean bl, celebrity au AND they were roommates! This one was super fluffy and wholesome too and there’s gonna be a s2 with (allegedly) lots of domestic fluff. Definitely recommend watching s1 before s2 comes around.

8. Cherry Magic- japanese bl, finally something with grown ups T_T and! There’s really good aroace rep! This is one of those shows that I don’t really obsess over much but if you ask me for a list of my faves it’ll be there at the top without a doubt. Definitely my favourite japanese show so far.

Annnd that’s all I can think of atm. What are some of you guys’ fave BLs? Or just Asian dramas in general? Also I kinda wanna do a non bl thai show rec now too, should I?

[loveatfirstwriteblog]

A Complete Analysis of Harry Potter

Like a lot of kids, we probably grew up on Harry potter. We were obsessed and rightly so. The universe created in the world of Harry Potter was, and is, a hugely successful one because of the fact it gave kids a world where magic exists! It seemed to be a great world to live in and it made even better with the fact that it included elements of empowerment, Whether it be showing girls can be just as successful if not more in various pursuits(Hermione), or the fact that even if you have a history of bad events, you can have a good heart(Hagrid), Harry Potter teaches us a lot.

JKR has written a mind-blowing plot in a world of magic, wizards, witches, wands, potions, friendship, love. Our inner-five-year olds--and actually most of our young adult selves too--jumps around excitedly at the beautifully penned words that creates an exit out of this world and into one where magic does exist. 

As you get older, though, you begin to think of Harry Potter in a more critical fashion. The thought of “oh my god, it’s magic” no longer completely overrides my mind, but more of “but what are the laws regarding this? Can people just do this whenever they want? Are there no ethics?” 

No matter how much we’re going to expose the flaws and plot holes in HP now, we’ll always love the books--we grew up on them! But some things just niggle you as you get older, and that’s what we’re going to be focusing on in this post.

Something I adore about the HP books is that everyone, including the “good guys”, has flaws. Harry has a “save the world alone, do first, think later” complex, a driving force that makes him go save Sirius, Ron is very, very insecure to a point where he ditches Harry twice, probably when Harry needed him the most, Hermione is a judgemental, narrow-minded nag (her thoughts on Luna, divination, Trelawney, basically anything that doesn’t fit her black and white world), Molly Weasley is misogynistic and blatantly favourites her children—probably being one of the main factors behind Ron’s insecurities, Arthur is condescending towards Muggles and makes several comments you cringe at while reading the books as a young adult/adult, Sirius, Snape, and Lupin still haven’t let go of their childhood grudges and hatred, etc etc etc. 

These flaws are what make these characters so three-dimensional, so layered, so human. But the problem was, most of these flaws are never intentionally acknowledged. And honestly, that could have been such a good character arc, because the main characters are mostly students. No student is the same through their teenage years—they change, they evolve, they get over their flaws, they try to better themselves. I would have loved to see Ron becoming his own person, Hermione opening her mind up a little, etc. 

Neville is not one of my favourites, but I love his growth and development, from someone who was scared of his potions professor to a man who faced down Lord Voldemort. Ginny Weasley could have had character development, from the trauma she went through in second year, but that was never written in.  She went through this terrifying ordeal when she was only twelve years old, and jump to a year or two later and she’s absolutely fine, with no transition from her trauma whatsoever.

Some of JKR’s characters are brilliantly written and fleshed out, but some of her others lack the structure and complexity that usually comes with being vital to the plot—Ginny Weasley for one. Her internalised misogyny also plays a huge part in the way her female characters are written. We see this again in the case of how she wrote the character of Ginny. 

Ginny Weasley is not a favourite of ours (if you don’t know that by now). She feels a lot like a convenient male daydream—when she waits for Harry to notice her by dating other guys, gets annoyed by Hermione “not knowing quidditch”, etc etc—and fits the “not like other girls” archetype too much, almost like she was made for it (hint hint). She’s portrayed to be strong-willed, spunky, and independent, and I love the idea, but I really don’t see it. To me, she’s a very shallow character, the least fleshed out one. 

Just like James Potter wasn’t necessarily redeemed just because JKR said he was, and Ginny isn’t interesting just because JKR writes that she is. 

Hermione also fits the archetype, but she’s JKR’s self-insert, so we really can’t say much about that. 

To make things worse, Ginny and Hermione are pitted against each other in a very subtle way. Ginny is the sporty, pretty, flirty girl who’s never single from book 4. Hermione is the not-conventionally-attractive, nerdy girl who’s had a few dates here and there but never a relationship. They’re very different characters (the only thing they have in common is the archetype) but they’re against each other in the defence of Harry. 

Another place where JKR’s misogyny shows up is the way other girls are written. Lavender Brown is shown as vapid and immature, just because she likes clothes and boys and didn’t know how to handle her first relationship. Cho Chang is perceived as shallow because she’s emotional. Pansy Parkinson is seen to be throwing herself at Draco Malfoy. The Weasleys hated Fleur because she was beautiful and sexy and French, and that was ever really resolved in the end (Molly accepted her, but we never got Ginny’s and Hermione’s opinions again). You see where we’re getting at? The typical “girly girls” are portrayed as insipid, shallow, emotional, and boring, while girls like Hermione and Ginny are seen to be fun and multilayered. 

The problems with Harry Potter don’t just stop with non-fleshed out characters. There are plot devices that go unacknowledged, issues like blood purity—which is the basis of Voldemort’s tyranny—are never really resolved, huge Chekhov’s guns that aren’t fired. 

A common misconception, which if cleared up could probably expose a load of problems in wizarding society by itself, is that the wizarding world is racist. It’s not racist. Muggles and Muggleborns are not a different race, they’re a different class, at least according to pureblood wizards. Mudblood is a classist insult (a direct reference to nobility blueblood and aristocracy).

Another factor that wasn’t talked about but made the HP world so complex and realistic is the inherent classism in every single pureblooded wizard, including the Weasleys.

 The “Light” wizards all operate on the notion “at least I don’t kill or torture Muggles”. The Weasleys refuse to talk about Molly’s squib cousin who’s an accountant, the Longbottoms were so desperate for Neville to not be a squib they nearly killed him trying to force magic out of him, Ron makes fun of Filch for being a squib, thinks house-elves are beneath him, and confounds his driving instructor in his mid-thirties, the ministry workers kept obliviating that muggle at the quidditch World Cup, etc. 

This could have been a metaphor for how small prejudices and microaggressions (kind of the wizarding equivalent of white privilege) enable discrimination and murder, if JKR had actually acknowledged it. 

The parallel to Nazi Germany is very twisted and definitely shouldn’t be taken too far, but the Nazi ideology grew on the basis of everyday antisemitism, “that’s not that bad” little things. Voldemort’s circle and army grew because the wizard superiority complex festered and blew up in some people, egged on by a deeply classist society. 

Ultimately, Harry Potter has very, very shoddy worldbuilding, the kind of worldbuilding that’s obsessed with answering the “what” of the wizarding world, rather than the “how” or the “why”, which is strange, considering that fantasy or dystopian-era novels’ driving plots and conflicts are usually answering the questions the worldbuilding raises--The Hunger Games and The Shadowhunter Chronicles are two of the best examples of brilliantly written YA fantasy and dystopian novels. 

In HP, however, the main plot just avoids the questions the worldbuilding brings up like the bubonic plague. 

Voldemort’s agenda is built on prejudice towards Muggles and Muggleborns, but the plot just validates the negative perception of them—at the end of the day, being a wizard is what’s special. The Statute of Secrecy is the foundation of the main concept—blood supremacists believe wizards shouldn’t be hidden away—but only vague, barely-there answers are given to why it exists (a Chekhov’s gun that was never fired). 

There are love potions that function like date rape drugs (even Harry was given one by a girl who wanted him to ask her out), potions that force people to tell the truth, potions that literally let you disguise yourself as another person, but the ethics are never talked about, and the laws are so lax that three twelve-year-olds broke them and were never caught. 

But at the same time, the worldbuilding is so authentic, because it transforms the wizarding world into straight-up fridge horror. The everyday horrors are just accepted and rolled with. A corrupt government, constant obliviation of Muggles, slavery that isn’t even talked about. These things aren’t obvious to us as readers, or to the wizards as characters, because they match up to the real world, which is filled with things that are horrifying if you dig deeper. The multiple, normalised forms of abuse, police brutality, the violence in prisons that nothing is done about, the glaringly obvious cultural problems we have with consent, etc. 

The abusive authoritative figures in HP, like Rufus Scrimgeour, Cornelius Fudge, Dumbledore, Umbridge, etc, are so authentic because real-life politicians and people in high places of power behave that way, and their abuse is excused. 

The wizarding world is just like the real world. Corrupt, prejudiced, messed up, but if you’re privileged, or at least have certain privileges, you’re probably not going to notice. The ultimate problem is that the plot doesn’t acknowledge a lot of fridge horror things are messed up either, which is why it miserably fails. 

[aiyexayen]

So uh that essay about how Wei Ying takes after Yu Ziyuan? I am LISTENING

There were two things that really made me start to think about this, one was this tweet which says, "You know what we don't talk about? Wei Wuxian getting his cry-laughing from Madam Yu" and this incredible ChengXian video which sets their relationship to the tune of When Doves Cry and wrecks me every time I watch it (I just watched it now when I went to get the link and I'm whimpering).

As to the first matter:

seems fairly conclusive.

The second matter:

maybe I'm just like my father, too bold maybe you're just like my mother-- she's never satisfied

Was there this much meta thought put into one line of lyrics in a video set to When Doves Cry? Hard to say. There is now, though! Because dang, what a line. Essay under the cut.

There's a (valid) tendency to pull out the ways Jiang Cheng is more like his mother, and the ways Wei Wuxian is more like Jiang Fengmian, especially where their relationship is concerned.

Jiang Cheng wants proof of care through passion, through a willingness to fight. He will provoke and poke at things better left lying, with no shame and no regard to who else is around, dredge up old hurts and old grudges and old matters even if they're long buried or long forgiven, so long as he thinks it will get him the reaction he's looking for.

He wants Wei Wuxian to fix things by rising to the bait, rising to the challenge, giving him pushback when he says blatant lies, showing him that his shige still thinks he's worth it.

This is terribly unhealthy, of course, don't do this at home kids, but it's one of my core Jiang Cheng Truths.

Jiang Cheng shows that he cares in turn by being willing to fight, by pouring his emotion out even if those often end up as negative expressions. He's messy and unrestrained when he feels things, not all of which is from his mother--a lot of that is just Jiang Cheng--however, you can see the way he tries to rein in his emotions when he's embarrassed about caring or is trying to pretend that he doesn't care. Whether it's pretending to shrug off Wei Wuxian and walk away when they have a problem, or trying to rein in his temper at Lan Wangji on Dafan Mountain. Because from his mother, he's internalised the message that to engage in the fight is proof of care, so the opposite is also true.

And oh, when he hurts, he seeks to hurt back. That's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

Wei Wuxian, meanwhile, frequently defaults to calming and placating with Jiang Cheng. Not as much as Jiang Yanli does--but more on her, momentarily. We see Wei Wuxian complain at Jiang Cheng to not get riled up, tell him he's being stubborn and just to accept the peace offering, etc. The difference is that, at first, with Jiang Cheng, a lot of that is just general pouty childishness and Wei Ying-ing, general sibling shit.

Plus, he was still willing to fight/express himself fully. They fought a lot. He always ran after Jiang Cheng, always roped him into expressing himself, always let Jiang Cheng fight it out. He understood, at least intuitively, and he didn't back down. The benefits of having grown up together, and of being an older one/middle sibling in the dynamic.

But when things really started to break down between him and Jiang Cheng, when the conflict was much bigger, much more grown up, much more real, Wei Wuxian started modeling his behaviour even more on Jiang Fengmian in regards to Jiang Cheng, possibly seeing more of Yu-furen in Jiang Cheng and responding the way that felt natural.

(Also, a lot of his own guilt and depression/apathy/intent to die and assorted other issues came into play at roughly the same time.)

Thus, we see Wei Wuxian start to turn down Jiang Cheng more often, and back off. He shrugs it off or rejects it when Jiang Cheng reaches out, and he stops reaching out himself. He tries to placate Jiang Cheng, tries to defuse him, tries to send him away. Some of this is because he cares and is trying to show he cares by taking himself out of the situation; some because he's trying to maintain his lies; some because he just doesn't have the energy to deal with this anymore.

After Wei Wuxian is resurrected, by which point he's done what he perceives as the worst things to Jiang Cheng, this intensifies. Jiang Cheng provokes him beyond reason, lashes out, starts fights, sneers, and Wei Wuxian almost rises to the bait but he stops himself. He lets Jiang Cheng be angry and he shrinks himself down, he backs away, he disengages. A decent portion of this is Wei Wuxian himself, and his faulty perspective on the situation and on Jiang Cheng's anger and complexity of emotion and intent. Some of it is lingering relationship modeling off of Jiang-shushu and Yu-furen's relationship. Either way, he's definitely "being the Jiang Fengmian" in the situation.

Additionally, Wei Wuxian tries quite actively to model himself off of Jiang-shushu's good qualities, which is understandable given that this was his primary benevolent adult figure and liked him quite a lot. We see it in the way Wei Wuxian teaches, the way he instructs with archery, the fact he prioritises archery to begin with, the way he expresses kindness the way it was expressed to him, through encouragement or noticing people who are down and out. Things that Wei Wuxian, at least, attributes to Jiang Fengmian's character (I'm trying so hard not to make this a Jiang Fengmian salt post) even if a lot of that is just his own outlook on life at the end of the day.

But all of these kids were around both of these parental figures/people of authority. This is most clear in Jiang Yanli. We see the way she's become a mediator figure between her parents when they're upset with each other and understands them both.

She takes all the kind intent and patience and willingness to placate and calm from her father, and adds in the knowledge and understanding needed to actually use it interpersonally. She's more open with communication, can identify the heart of an issue, and effectively diffuse a lot of tension. She has middling success with this with regards to her parents, but a lot more success with her brothers. It helps her see eye to eye with Wei Wuxian, and share that spark of playfulness between them too. It helps her understand why Jiang Cheng says things the way he does, and what he means.

We also see Jiang Yanli reveal herself to be the steely, fiery daughter of Zi Zhizhu when someone attacks what is hers. She is just as much her mother's child.

So, too, Jiang Cheng is his father's son. I think this is true much more when he grows up and inherits the sect and has held it for some time in the wake of tragedy. We see evidence that he's become a well-regarded leader, and for all we see cool, flashing, calculating glares and bitten-back sneers, we see worried disciples fussing over his health. We see a mild manner that was learned, and an authority that has accrued with time, and a self-assuredness when dealing with his peers that seems more modeled off what we see of Jiang Fengmian than of Yu Ziyuan.

Jiang Cheng is a match for Zidian, through and through, but he is also steady and determined and bold, good at making and keeping allies, or else how could he have achieved the impossible in rebuilding his sect? He learned to take some of his mother, some of his father, find something left over of himself out of the wreckage of his life, and meld it all together.

That brings us to Wei Wuxian. I had, at the time of first seeing that tweet, showed it to a friend who said:

Are we gonna talk about how Wei Ying gets his cry-laugh from her? Are we gonna talk about how he learned that intense glare from her, too? Or his tendency to act swiftly and decisively even when it might not be the actual best course of action? Or his violent protectiveness of his siblings?

Inspired. And yes, we are.

Yu-furen was a figure of absolute strength in Wei Wuxian's life. Uncompromising, unyielding, impressive as hell. She had the capacity to inspire deep loyalty and was fiercely protective over things that were hers. Her son, her daughter, her family's reputation, her sect, her home, her disciple. (Yes, even Wei Wuxian was hers, too, she made quite the point about that.)

Wei Wuxian is very easygoing. But when he decides something is his, whether that's a duty or a person or whatever, it's his to protect, it's his to do anything for, even cause a scene, even start a war, even lose allies or his own life. It's one surefire way to get him to fight no matter what headspace he's in.

You can see Jiang Cheng realise/remember this in real time in the Ancestral Hall, when he can't get a rise out of Wei Wuxian by talking about himself and his family, and that stings, but he's desperate to get a rise out of him somehow, and immediately he sets in on Lan Wangji. And it fucking works. That's what gets Wei Wuxian to almost fight him. If he'd posed a real threat, and if a whole bunch of other complicated psychological shit wasn't part of the mix for everyone involved, there would absolutely have been a fight.

Wei Wuxian latched onto the Wens, yes, and they were his, too, but they weren't the only ones. Lotus Pier was his, as was Jiang Cheng. Yunmeng Shuangjie was not just a pipe dream, and Wei Wuxian's loyalty was not simply easy to sway. Yunmeng Jiang's strength, their reputation, their future, and Jiang Cheng's along with it were always on his mind.

He lied, and fought, and even left and took himself out of the picture to that end. For Jiang Cheng, and for his ability to carry on. In so many ways, Wei Wuxian absolutely took so much of his perspectives on that from Yu Ziyuan, for better or worse.

Uncompromising, unyielding, even when turned on himself. Never satisfied, always pushing for more, for answers, for solutions, for the right path, even in his own frequently easygoing and curious ways. Unhesitating, across the board. Even if it meant his own life, or his core.

There is nothing wrong with hesitating. Hesitating, worrying, being uncertain, trying to think first, trying to find the right path, and then being able to find it, or choose it anyway, is such an act of courage. That's a quality Jiang Cheng has in droves. He hesitated, when he saw the Wen soldiers coming for Wei Wuxian. And then he chose to sacrifice himself. For Wei Wuxian, there was no hesitation whatsoever. No forethought. No choice, really. Just go. I think that's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

I had to go digging to find that message my friend sent me, and I'll conclude with my response:

If we're going to talk about how Wei Wuxian is like Yu-furen, then we'll have to talk about how Yu-furen knew that. Or at least, the only parts that she ever had cause to see in him while she still lived. How he was hers even if he wasn't her son. How Fengmian's lazy favouritism was intolerable in this way, too, in the way it sowed discord where there didn't need to be any, and was a barrier between her and the things that should have been more fully hers. How the farewell at Lotus Pier was more of a betrayal than she intended. How she thought she and Wei Ying met over more even ground at that moment, because she knew he loved Jiang Cheng as much as she did, in the way she did. How she expected more from him than for him to give parts himself up in such a horrifying way. How she underestimated the actual damage that had been done. And if she'd survived to see it, she just might have been truly horrified.

[bakubabes-and-ramble]

Headcanon: The Gundalian culture is based on individualism, the Neathian culture is based on collectivism

Race interpretation part one: Neathia

Summary: The Neathian culture is built on the core values of communities and collective thinking. While conformity within the society is of a high level, they pursue a 'closed gate' diplomacy towards other races - resulting in a 'bubble' phenomenon and becoming vulnerable to losing their sense of belonging. Centralised urban system, with regional reciprocity and redistribution, whereby the Queen plays a coordinator role, and exists as a unifying symbol along with the military.

(Wall-of-text warning ; with block-breaker illustrations, but a huge amount of information ahead.)

Okay, this topic is something I was thinking about for a long time, and I finally hit the point to collect my thoughts and write them down. I've seen a lot of people trying to build up/further and enrich the cultural and social-political features of the alien races we've seen in the series (namely Vestals, Neathians and Gundalians), and I felt some inspiration to put my take on these things into words.

It's not only intriguing to try one's hand on the world-further-building, but I felt, I have to explain how I imagine the build-up of the Neathian and Gundalian culture and society to make the story of the 'Neathian Special Squad' ('NSS') more understandable 'symbolically' and from the aspect of a 'cultural clash'. /For those, who follow the NSS: This is something that definitely happens later on, you just don't know about it yet./

I have to put a small disclaimer here: This entire piece of writing was conspired out of fun and passion towards the series. It was not meant to be a 100% professor approved scientific research, but a seemingly logical untangling of my personal train of thoughts concerning the fantasy creatures of the third season. And this means, there is going to be some personal opinion mixed in as well (especially at the rewriting parts).

I wish the readers to enjoy reading it regardless. You are always free to disagree or not to take it seriously. :) To me, headcanonizing and imagining things always meant to be fun.

Side note: I'll add canon elements as examples or refer to the events of Gundalian Invaders, although I have to admit, I'll do this mostly from memory. So If I get anything wrong, or just remember incorrectly, you are welcome to add-in or correct me! :)

Season: Bakugan: Gundalian Invaders (and Mechtanium Surge)

Language: English dub

Okay, let's go!

Gundalian Invaders - Slightly rewritten

The first and foremost reason I actually started writing this post, is because I had some issues with the characterisation of the Gundalians and Neathians in the third season. One side is depicted blatantly, purposelessly and one-dimensionally evil, while the other is portrayed to be the goodie-two-shoes victims with no backlashes. I wanted to swing over this simplicity and make an attempt at explaining, how I imagined these races to function. These interpretations were explored with the intention of both keeping the main features of the races, staying canon-compliant where possible, but change canon elements/propose ideas to turn the races into interesting (and on a theoretical level functioning) societies.

For these added or assumed ideas to work, some lore elements have to be changed or removed: For example the way Bakugan got to be on the planets. For this explanation see: a further point below.

This post discusses only Neathia for now. (Gundalia will probably get it's own post, as there is much more canon-divergence to be talked about.)

Neathians

1. The beginnings and core values

Due to the power of the Sacred Orb, almost the entire planet have relished in a lush fertility since the beginnings. (And this is why there are huge plants in their jungles. The wildlife also experienced a great upsurge by the life-force of the Orb.) This prosperity quickly enabled the Neathian race to organize into a peaceful and sharing society, because the wars over resources became redundant and unnecessary. The established racial mindset reallocated the focus from the individual needs to the communal efforts, and gives a ground for the Neathian values and collective thinking up to even the days of the season.

Neathians think mainly in groups: Let those be pairs (e.g. Fabia and Jin as fiancés; Linus and Neo Zipperator as brawling partners), teams (Neathian Special Squad; Friendship circles), communities (Castle Knights), and the biggest of them all, their entire race. These are all bigger or smaller communities within communities, and they play a major role in how Neathians perceive the world and themselves. Being in these relationship structures defines their place, grants them their basic mental frame, which they are able to think in, and not only their resources, but also their goals are shared with each other. This kind of goal assimilation is what makes them really efficient team players, and also provides them a strong social support from a mentalhygiene perspective. This important role of the sense of belonging makes Neathians both empowered while being in close social constructs , and extremely susceptible to losing these connections.

Thinking like this, when Fabia lost her fiancè or Linus lost Neo, their grief extended further than their deaths or the traumatic events. Losing strong bonds like these put Neathians in a technical identity crisis, as it is a part of their personal perception and mental frame which were dismantled through these events. We have seen Fabia going to extremes to retrieve Aranaut - and to retrieve that part of her, which was lost with Jin. Just as when Rubanoid was handed to Linus, a new connection was formed to either replace or continue the old one in a different form. Fabia's communal bonds were successfully restored, when she also became a member of the brawlers.

The Neathian society is based on caring and cooperation to achieve a collective well-being. This is why communities play such a major role in their self-perception and world-perception.

2. Open-sources, but enclosed diplomacy

For most part, I've always imagined the Neathian race as an although proud and generous, but closed society. They share commodities with each other - within their society -, but it is very important, that only within it. The outside world (meaning outside of their habited planet) is fundamentally shut out of these transactions.

I often refer to this phenomenon of enclosedeness as the 'Neathian bubble':

Not only their mindset operates in closed communities, but their diplomacy too. They are generally passive towards other races, missing trust and a reason to pick up the communication /Up until the Gundalians came and the war started/. This perspective could be applied to understand, why could they be more insistent on and better at operating defensive mechanisms (layered shield generator), than initiating communication with the rest of the universe (Unlike Gundalians, Neathians have no ships or bigger means of transportation. Yes, teleportation is accessible for them, but I don't think they use it that often outside of Neathia.)

I treat this as an explanation for why Neathia had only asked for outside help after the second shield generator went down - the situation became desperate and already being involved in the conflict, it was time to try and reach out for aid. According to these headcanons, I also think, Serena wasn't putting - or at least shouldn't have put - faith in the Brawlers so easily. The reason they weren't tested to prove their trustworthiness further than one question, is because she trusted Fabia's judgement. Without the support of a Neathian, outlanders are almost automatically dismissed. Their (or their Queen's) empathy and compassion may overwrite this code, but even by then they have to be made certain by proving the cause.

Just as when Fabia accepted Ren, because she had seen how much he tried to prove himself. Winning Neathians’ trust is supposed to be a big and determining moment, because they ‘internalise’ you into their scoiety.

Neathians are capable of empathy and kindness (this is something they actively practice among each other), even towards outsiders, they just need time and proof to accept them. Trust is just not automatic towards them, and even so they keep their distance until they get used to it.

3. Personal paralel counterparts - Night elves and the Highborne of WoW

When I think about Neathians, I often put them into paralel with the Night elves and the Highborne from World of Warcraft. For most part, I use their artistic motives, architecture, fashion and cultural approach as an inspiration for Neathians, as they are recognised as 'The pretty space elves' in my book too.

Beside the above mentioned, what could be imported from their WoW counterparts is a rather matriarchal social apparat. For example, Neathians traditionally having a Queen, and women being present in the military or in higher positions, playing important roles. //Just as by the Night elves leadership, religious and military roles being traditionally occupied by women (priestesses, wardens, sentinels).//

Another elven impression, which is more or less universal, is their sense of pride (I like to say it as the expression of 'Neathian pride '). Highborne in World of Warcraft are a quite prestigious race and are usually said to be a little 'aristocratic'. I can imagine the Neathians being lightly less, but somewhat similar on these terms, when it comes down to interacting with their own or other races: For example being proud of their appearance (Emphasizing their unique V-shaped forehead with adequate clothing and accessories), structuring buildings and constructs based on aesthetic instead of real functionality (using diamond as the main material of construction, structuring buildings with elegant but futuristic shapes), or being confident and showing immovable standing and opinion on things (towards outsiders).

As far as I know, the Warcraft elves used to be similarly passive and uninitiative - even mistrusting - towards other races too. And in this, it played part, that they also had exclusive access to a powerful source of power and prosperity, the Well of Eternity (an almost one-on-one counterpart to the Sacred Orb).

While the half-tribal connections of the Night elves derive from their ancient bonds with nature and druidism, the Neathian society feels more likely being based on a futuristic envisionment of these social relations. A civilisation that perfectly blends technology (teleportation technology, communication devices) with classic fantasy elements (knights), while still remaining tribal in the core (shared communality is just put into a modern environment). /Although I like to lean more into the fantasy setting, the technical advancement is undeniable there./

4. Overall economy

If we wanted to negotiate about their economy, I would say reciprocity and localised redistribution are the dominant mechanisms of it. The basic definition of economy builds on the premise of distribution of scarce resources. In this case, resources are not scarce, in fact, due to the Orb they are very much prosperous and renewing. This accessibility discounts the value of the traditional market trading, and supports the establishment of semi-centralised recollection and redistribution. The semi-centralisation here means regional production and consumption, whereby the accomodation of the population happens mainly territorialy, but these regional centres still have a connection to each other and the capitol. This economy is based on caring and well-being, and the high level of conformity and trust within the collective society results in a lack of currency usage (so, my headcanon is basically, that they don't use money).

5. Urbanisation and territorial layout

The reason we talk about a more physical apsect of the planets, is because the core values of the races both play a role, and mutually affect how I imagine their civilised hubs being developed. Communities form hubs and cities with strong connections - just like their society!

When I mentioned localised redistribution, I was also refering to the urban structure of the Neathian planet. Important to note, that Neathia is not just a city, or a country - just like Gundalia, it's the entire planet. What we've seen in the show is the capital of their urban system - which makes sense to be technically built around / in the immediate enclosure of the Sacred Orb, for it's the source of the relishing power. Assuming this, along the capital there could be a centralised territorial layout with rural areas (cities, villages), and untouched wilderness (due to the overflourishing flora and fauna; the urbanisation doesn't affect the entirety of the planet, there are a lot of uninhabited/uncharted areas).

Here is a simple schematic illustration of the above.

The rural hubs not having physical connection with other centres due to the dangerous and untamable wilderness (see: Giant plants in the show) could have lead to the advancement of the teleportation technology. The cities are connected through this port-system, and also with the capital, which serves as the centre of the network.

6. The role of the queen and the military

The main purpose of the current Queen is an overall governance with the direct help of a council consisting of the local leaders of the hubs. The queen bears not only a political, but a symbolical importance to the people. The concept of the Queen is a unifying symbol, someone who watches over the nation. The Neathians can stand behind her and being represented by her. But it's important to note, that her status is not as glorified as to be a despotic being, and her power is not extending much further than overall policies, diplomatic representation and helping the transactions of the local leaderships. There is much more power and independence shifted into the regional governance, rendering the Queen's position to be an effective coordinator between them and unifier, who keeps the nation together. /Still thinking about the way the queen is chosen/comes to the throne, but I had the idea of the next Queen being elected by the current Queen, so the order of succession is not based on the Queen’s family, nor being a community vote of the people./

The peace-oriented existence in itself doesn't require a military to exists, therefore I treat the Castle Knights as a mainly defensive organisation. This military serves as Neathia's defenders, bearing symbolic and community building purposes. Among the Castle Knights - just as the name itself suggests - the traditional medieval knight values show up primarily, such as loyality, humility, courage, faithfulness and the act of mercy. In their comprehension, being a Castle Knight is an act of service towards their country and the Queen, and is not mainly for warfare reasons. (To some extent, I assume martial arts and other forms of fighting - even brawling - is essentially a spiritual activity, which they pursue in order to keep their inner- and physical balance.)

As we've seen it the show, I assume the Palace also functions as the military's operation base. The head of the military is the current commander (formerly Jin, recently Elright), and under them operate several divisions with captains as division leaders. The separate divisions are Physical Fighting (both with weapon, like those defensive shock-sticks the guards are using - formerly offensive melee weapons until the fall of NSS - and hand-to-hand combat, e.g. used by Fabia), Technical staff (operating the shield generators and overseeing their areas) and Bakugan Brawling (this headcanon part is still under construction, but Elright used to be the former leader of this, and the reason he was promoted to commander after Jin’s death, is because the Neathians' realisation of the war swinging in favor of the Bakugan fights, so it was logical to put him as the next 'general leader'). /There may be other divisions outside of these, I just put out some ideas here./  Every guard receives education to some extent in all of these fields, but they end up specialising in something.

//The Neathian Special Squad (NSS) had it’s own divison under Captain Pyrehart, they were a special strike team with a unusual task: Staggering, forcing back or just divide the Gundalian leadership’s attention from focusing on their assault. Basically poking them with melee weapons until they either go away, or can’t concentrate on helping their Bakugan on the field and their monsters get defeated. According to the story - made up by me of course - after a tragedic mission this unit wasn’t restored, and the war effort shifted onto long-range fighting with Bakugan, Gear and Bakugan Assaults.//

7. So...where are the Bakugan?

They have been mentioned here and there, but I'm sure, whoever made it this far into this theorising information dump, may wonder at this point: 'But what about the Bakugan?'

My simplest answer is, that I firmly want to believe, both Gundalia and Neathia had a civilised and established culture before the Bakugan appeared there.

According to the original lore, Bakugan existed on the planets since almost the beginnings. Now, this is part of those lore bits I would definitively change during a rewrite: I want to believe, Bakugan only appeared in their very recent history, almost as recently, as on Earth and Vestal itself.

Perhaps a Bakugan lore- and GI rewrite explanation deserved it's own post, but for the further understanding allow me to explain here a little: A similar event of raining cards - what the first season started with - occured on Neathia and Gundalia too, caused by the dimensional boom of Michael Gehabich and his transporter. The twist on this - and the effective solution to the problem of possible timeline inconsistencies - is that although the explosion caused this interference at one point in time, across cosmos and universes time flows differently. So technicaly the result of it - the raining cards and Bakugan being transported into the particular worlds - could happen at different point of their relative times - even years earlier or later! On Neathia and Gundalia it could happened a few years before on Earth, which covers most of the questions of the timeline-consistency /such as Ren being assigned to watch over Linehalt as a child etc./

Bakugan coming to these places has only an added effect: Just as on Earth, they are not (yet?) integrated into the society and culture of the planets so deeply to be any kind of pillar of their existence or basic civilisation. There could be a start (as having specialised researches, technology revolving around Bakugan, taking part in the war,..) regarding this internalisation process, but it still runs on the surface, and not in the 'veins' of the culture.

I hope this breakdown made sense in some form or another. I just felt an urge to pour out the content of my head. Looking back,this became longer and more detailed, than I originally intended, while also surely missing things because there is no worldbuilding without holes or further questions. The attempt to lay down the basics was made regardless haha!

As always, feel free to disagree and follow your own visions concerning the races and worldbuilding. :) This post was made to reflect back my personal interpretation of Neathians - just for fun and thinking out loud.

For the very end, I leave a disclamer here, which was supposed to go at the beginning, but it felt redundant to put there, so here it is:

I tried to approach it from a more sociological side, as focusing on a bigger, overall picture, common features, than create exact statements. (I would rather call this a speculation regarding the features of the races themselves, their core values, common attitudes, mindset - and this doesn't mean other questions are fully out of the picture. We are just discussing things, which can be derived from the features of the society itself, and make up a more or less coherent chain of thought for now. Other 'for fun' or miscellaneous headcanons, like fashion or physical traits will be covered another time.)

Thank you for coming to this TED mambling!

[d6official]

K-pop’s Jae Park on the panic attack that triggered him to deal with his mental health issues

Jae Park of Day6 realised he hasn’t been doing well for a long time while on a car ride in April, when he was thinking he was going to die.

The 28-year-old K-pop singer-guitarist later learned he wasn’t having a heart attack, but was experiencing an intense panic attack born out of his struggle with anxiety.

“When you come to this … I wouldn’t say peaceful resolution, but a very frightening resolution that, ‘Yeah, I might die in here and I’m going to have to accept that,’ your perspective on things kind of changes,” he reveals.

“I realised I was putting things off for so, so long that I’d become numb to the fact that it was slowly physically manifesting. I was always a believer that you can just ride things out, even if you’re sick you go on stage and start working, and you won’t feel sick any more. Even if you have a headache, you sleep, you wake up, you feel better. I was always that kind of person. But it didn’t feel like that in that car ride.”

Now Park, who typically is known just as “Jae” in the K-pop world, is in a better place; he’s working on facing the circumstances of his life and making changes to take care of himself, including taking medication that helps take the edge off.

“I’ve been feeling a lot better, and learning more and more. After it happened I started delving deeper into the mental health aspect of what was going on with me as a person,” he says.

“[Poor} mental health isn’t a choice you make, but something that occurs to you due to your choices. You don’t choose whether to allow yourself to succumb to it, you just over time build up to the point where eventually everything crumbles down. You ignore your worries.

“You sweep everything under the rug, all your emotions, enough times for [it] to flip over eventually with everything on top of it.”

He’s since made it his aim to spread awareness of the impact of toxic positivity and of the importance of treating mental health as normally as treating physical health, because he spent the majority of his life unaware of the connection and the potential of his mental state to impact his physical health.

“It’s not something I want people to go through, so if I can do anything in this world before I leave it, let’s raise some awareness. And so if maybe someone has an episode like me, they’ll be able to look back on my interview or see through the campaign that, ‘Oh, this might be a panic attack.’

“I’ve since learned after that incident that a lot of panic attack first-timers assume they’re having heart attacks. It’s this imminent feeling that you’re going to die. On the walk home, I was crying.

“I don’t know if it was tears of joy or fear, but I just remember crying a lot.”

Why Jae Park launched his clothing line

Jae recently teamed up with charitable apparel brand Represent to launch his From Friends clothing line, one of the aims of which is to remind people that it is okay to turn to friends when they’re having a rough time, rather than always putting on a happy face and pushing emotions aside.

“I really wanted to let people know that it’s okay not to be okay. That’s what caused me not being able to function. If you’re still at a stage where you’re not sure if you’re okay, talk to friends. Talk about it, and realise you may be going through something bigger than you think.

“I’m not saying over-exaggerate every emotional hurdle you jump over, but I knew what I was doing when I was sweeping things under the rug.

“If you’re not at that point where you have to get on medication or need therapy or some other kind of treatment, you need to maybe stop what you’re doing and look at yourself real quick before you have an incident.”

Through the collaboration, Jae and Represent donated US$100,000 to the Jed Foundation, an organisation combating mental health stigma and raising awareness of suicide prevention among America’s youth. The artist grew up in California and only began pursuing a career in South Korea’s music world while taking a break from college back in 2012.

Jae wants to focus on talking about the experience with younger people, because he wishes someone had told him about the potential impact of ignoring mental health.

“‘From Friends’ was a thought that I had, that it would be more personable and relatable if the message came from a friend. ‘As a friend, I want to let you know that I screwed myself over by doing this, so this is my advice to you and I hope you take a look at yourself.’ Not the ‘yes’ men around you, your friends who are always telling you things are great even when they aren’t. Real friends will tell you when something is wrong. ‘You don’t seem like yourself these days, maybe take a step back and look at yourself?’”

Following his panic attack in the car and starting on medication, Jae said some of his friends pointed out to him he’s a bit more solemn and has a less bright personality.

There is stigma about mental health medication in this regard, but Jae feels it’s not impacting him negatively, but rather he’s able to rein in his need to be overenthusiastic and upbeat to compensate for feeling low.

One thing Jae really wants to combat is toxic positivity, which he feels he was constantly leaning into prior to his panic attack in April; he would often attempt to put on a good face and put good energy into the world in a way that’s idealised without internalising his own feelings.

He says he’s still learning to really understand the idea, but thinks it’s along the lines of not really believing something but saying it regardless to try to seem a certain way publicly, or manifesting good energy when it’s not necessarily there.

Jae feels his chosen field of work hasn’t necessarily helped the situation, and he’s grappling with that while trying to raise discussions.

Is K-pop part of the problem?

“Especially, I feel like [K-pop] idols are … supposed to uphold a standard of perfection, but that in itself I think is a form of toxic positivity. It’s extremely, extremely toxic, more than most people think. We’re role models, right?

“If we’re always picture perfect, squeaky shiny, and always for the right causes, never have an opinion [on] anything, what happens when the people who look up to us have an opinion? When they’re not squeaky perfect? If they’re comparing themselves to us, they may think, ‘My favourite singer is always happy. He’s always cheery. But I’m sad. That’s strange.’ What kind of role model is that?”

Change is happening slowly in the industry, and artists are increasingly talking about their own states of mental health. The past few years have seen several K-pop artists go on hiatus to take care of themselves. But there’s still more work to do, according to Jae.

“I think people need to be more real. I think people need to be more transparent. Mental health has become a wider known issue these days, so I think more people are open to talking about it.

“We preach that it’s okay to be normal, but it’s not something that we actually show, don’t actually act on. We preach it all the time: ‘It’s okay not to be okay.’ You see it in the songs everywhere. But I feel like the same artists who sing these songs and the same people who say these things publicly are the same people who always are perfect on the red carpet, never transparent enough to show who they actually are as a person.

“I feel like that in itself is a kind of hypocrisy. I try to be as human as I can while upholding a certain standard because I recognise and respect the culture [of being a celebrity].”

It was upholding the unrealistic standards that Jae in part thinks led things to get so bad, as he was always thinking about the perceptions of others and reining himself in.

A comment a fan made on social media about it being a good thing that he was less likely to share an opinion while speaking in Korean, rather than in English, helped him realise the intensity of what he was doing: because there is an idea that having opinions as a public person can lead to trouble, some fans of a group may not want band members to reflect their true opinions, and he had internalised the burden of that feeling regarding opinions to the extreme.

“It’s so ridiculous to me,” he admits. “That having an opinion could have any sort of connotation of being negative. I feel like having an opinion is never the problem. Having a strange and maybe immoral or unjust opinion, that’s definitely the problem. We as a society have come to a point where you can’t say anything without being judged.”

Now, he’s trying to be more forthright and earnest while expressing himself, and trying not to internalise the opinions of every random person who has opinions on his opinions, and thus has more or less stopped reading comments on social media.

“My emotional energy can be used better somewhere else, and I only have a certain amount every day,” he admits. “If people are going to hate me for what I think, they’re going to hate me regardless, so I’m just trying to be more open about everything now. No bubble of protection, no filter, no safety being on any more. If they don’t like it, that’s just me.

“I removed that filter because I thought it was one of the reasons I had that panic attack in the first place. I think I was right, because I’ve been having less and less [incidents]. Biting your tongue is necessary in many situations, but biting it to the extent that I was biting it because of boundaries I wasn’t allowed to cross, or certain opinions I was told I couldn’t uphold, that was what was hurting me the most.”

Making his own music, and the future

Following the incident, Jae spent much of 2020 not actively taking part in the activities of Day6, and focused on releasing his own music under the name “eaJ”. Through several releases, he explored his own artistry rather than thinking about what audiences want to hear, and focused on finding what he likes, trying to garner respect for his musical capabilities, and consider what he wants out of his career.

He feels like he succeeded at that, and hopes 2021 bears the fruit of the seeds he planted last year.

“Music gets my imagination going; using my emotional energy on a song or recording session, that seems like a lot more fruitful than worrying about a comment that I can’t do anything about regardless.”

One thing that inspired him to share some solo work with the world was the realisation of how much it was impacting him that his musical worth within Day6 wasn’t getting much recognition.

“We as a team are always involved in the songs, and it felt really discrediting and disheartening to hear that some members were more recognised than others. [I thought} ‘Maybe it’s time you start following your own career path and showing your own colours.’”

Three members of the band released an album in August, but Jae and the group’s other vocalist-guitarist, Sungjin, both sat it out. Jae admits that his hiatus from the band since early May wasn’t exactly his idea.

“It may be a bit of a surprise for some people to hear, but I was never someone that said, ‘I need a break.’ I was like, ‘I’ll get better.’ I was thinking, ‘I might need a little bit of time, but you guys get on it first.’ To be honest, I will be thriving, and Day6 will be, with the next album. When everyone is ready, I’ll be good.”

Overall, Jae says he’s optimistic and looking forward to a successful, healthy 2021. “I’m definitely recovering, and hopefully moving in the right direction,” he says.

source

[sapphia]

look i don’t want to @ people who are trying to explain the complicated intricacies of their personal sexuality (even if ya’all are doing it in the discourse channels) but i do just want to say in general terms for everyone who keeps saying that they don’t identify as bisexual because it “felt restrictive” or “pan just fits better” or they “don’t care about gender”

these sort of emotional reasonings are exactly why there is an issue with the split between bisexuality and pansexuality. making this statements is rooted in your own internalised biphobia. 

bisexuality and bisexuals have always sort of been shat upon, and have drummed up poor reputations and negative connotations both inside and outside of lgbt circles, and this was especially prevalent in the late 90s and 2010s when gays and lesbians were getting more accepted but there was still a lot of reservation and negative stereotypes surrounding bisexuality, including the idea that bisexuals aren’t really bi, they’re just straight or gay and lying/in denial; that they’re slutty; that they only care about sex or are hypersexual. This idea was rampant in mainstream cishet culture but was incredibly prevalent in gay circles as well. 

which is where pansexuality comes in. because whatever the reasons for someone coming up with a brand new sexuality (which isn’t what we’re discussing here), its rapid spread can definitely be attributed to the fact that pansexuality really quickly began to distance itself from all the negative stereotypes that plagued bisexuality. and in doing so, reinforced them. 

every anxiety people had about their sexuality was appeased by pansexuality. why do you think pansexuality is pushed so heavily on “hearts not parts”? because bisexuality is hypersexualised, and pansexuals wanted to distance themselves from the slutty stereotype - and so propagated the idea that pansexuals aren’t interested in people’s genetalia, but in a way that isn’t concerned with sex. it’s not that they’ll fuck anything that moves (like those bisexuals) but they don’t care about gender, they don’t see gender, gender is irrelevant. 

pan emphasises the equal attraction aspect because anyone and everyone who was in a relationship with a bisexual worried that one day their partner would wake up and realise they were with the wrong gender. straight people worried their partner was really gay, gay people worried they were really straight. gay and lesbian groups excluding bisexual people specifically was really starting to take off, as did the concept of a “gold star lesbian” - because women touched by men were dirty, and women who continued to fraternise with the enemy were traitors, and feminism and lesbian rights combined in a whirlwind of hatred to demonise men and anyone who consorted with them. and gay men were little better - gay sexual liberation gave rise to the lovely transphobic “ew, vagina” jokes, promoting the idea that a gay man was somehow lesser as a gay man for feeling anything other than disgust for a vagina. 

pansexuality appeases this anxiety a lot; by claiming equal attraction, gays and straights alike can be reassured that their partners aren’t experimenting with them, aren’t testing the waters, don’t have a preference that will later turn into a realisation that they weren’t bisexual at all. bisexuals had never needed to preface their sexuality by explaining exactly how they experienced attraction; after all, that can be pretty personal and private, and people often find that fluctuates throughout their life or depending on circumstance. this left the waters murky for other people, who wanted to know - are they gay enough to count as lgbt, or are they bi but just had a gay fling once? are they mostly gay, so i shouldn’t shoot my shot because i’m not the same gender as them? now pansexuals were opening the door with that description (whether accurate or not, as it turns out a lot of pansexuals didn’t actually subscribe to the “equal models” theory, or their attraction later changed), so anxiety soothed. 

pan was touted as the “woke” sexuality; bisexuality was falsely labelled transphobic, and even when that wasn’t actively mentioned, “hearts not parts” and being attracted to “all” genders has a strong implication that pansexual people have somehow transcended gender; that has a huge appeal in the age of growing recognition of trans rights, especially nonbinary people. bisexuals were still arguing with other lgbt members that bi doesn’t mean two; pansexuals had surpassed that entirely by getting to create their own word not bogged down in lgbt+ and gendered history. so no wonder it felt like it “fit” better - it’s designed to feel pure, to feel transcendent, to feel “woke”. 

bi doesn’t feel restrictive because it includes less (in actual fact, by common “definition” that keeps popping up, it should be less restrictive, as ONLY people with equal attraction can be pan, whereas anyone who feels any sort of non-monosexual attraction can be bi). bi feels restrictive because it’s weighed down with 40 years of biphobic baggage and negative connotations. pansexual, on the other hand, is a new age term designed to appeal to people who don’t want to deal with that stuff, and who want to feel like their sexuality is inherently less problematic and more open-minded than other sexualities. 

so yeah. i don’t want to go around messaging specific people, even if those people are willingly inserting themselves and their sexualities into the conversation, because i don’t want anyone to feel like they are personally being attacked. but honestly, please think about why pansexuality exists, and why people (or yourself) choose to identify as pansexual when bisexual has always existed and meant exactly the same thing. because it’s all very well to say that “it just feels better”, but that “better feeling” is rooted in and takes advantage of biphobia and no one wants to talk about it or even think about it for fear of being labelled panphobic. 

[roonilwazlibimagines]

I feel like by now, if you didn't know that JKR made her books just a little misogynistic, you were hiding under a rock. Like yes, Hermione is a strong female character, but she said she made her as a sort of ugly duckling character that grew to be beautiful. WHY CANT SHE BE BEAUTIFUL FROM THE BEGINNING? Or WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE UGLY AT ALL?? Associating how much beauty one has with their intelligence is pure bullshit, and that right there is misogynistic. JKR is kinda misogynistic. I said it.

Also, to add to what I said about lavender and JKR and misogyny ect bc I have a character limit for some reason, was JKR just not loved enough by her partner or something? Like what is so wrong with just loving someone that you have to go and make one of your charcters get treated like trash bc of it? Hmm, nothing! You have internalized and fucked up issues bc of it. And that makes you a shitty person for doing that JKR. It really does. 2/2

I tried to keep my response short but it didn’t happen, I’m sorry. So if you want to hear me ramble on about Harry Potter and the internalised misogyny in it, please read :)

She is and I fucking hate it.

Like I really need to control myself because I could write a whole novel about this so I will try to keep this really short.

I know I said I never related to a character 100% but I simplified a really odd struggle I went through reading Harry Potter because I was 100% Hermione. Like down to the frizzy hair and the stubbornness and the fact that I took more classes than anyone at school, like I was all of her good and all of her bad.

But I hated it and I would get so upset whenever people said I was like Hermione and I think part of it had to do with the fact that they ‘perfectified’ her in the movies - which made her actually even more unlikeable and also made me think that I actually wasn’t Hermione because I wasn’t perfect - and the other part of it was that no one liked Hermione :(

Like everyone insulted her because she was a ‘know-it-all’ and she was only pretty when she tamed her frizzy hair and everything that she had that I saw in myself was made fun of or was annoying and when those things were gone she was liked.

And like you can have a character with flaws that other people don’t like without harming innocent young minds - it has been done!

Anyways I could go on and on about all the things I think are lowkey misogynistic and I will list them here because I want to share my opinions with people but none of my friends like Harry Potter

Literally what you said about Hermione and the ugly duckling trope which is so harmful to young girls who are positioned to look up to her as a heroine? (Make it make sense Joanne 😡)

The whole phlegm thing - I feel like this is a little out of character and like okay maybe Ginny didn’t like her because she didn’t want bill to leave (🥺) like he was the oldest, I get it, but the only reason they hate her is because she is pretty and trying to voice her opinions :(

Fleur in the tournament - I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I know Fleur couldn’t save Gabrielle because Harry had to save her and I know she couldn’t actually get to the cup in the maze, but !! It also doesn’t sit right with me that she is the only competitor not to complete two tasks

Fleur and Hermione - even though I do not agree with the way Lavender and Hermione were pitted against each other I also feel like it is kinda in character for Hermione to react the way she did (even though I think any time two girls are pitted against each other for a boy is bad writing I can maybe like 5% understand this - but also take away that 5% because their is definitely a subtext that Lavender is annoying because she is ‘girly’ - so I understand it 0% and idk where I’m going with this anymore) but Hermione had no reason to not like Fleur. Like she did not like her even in their fourth year even though they had never spoken !!

The whole Lavender thing - and I’m sorry the way that Ron speaks about her as if she’s annoying and he tries to escape her, like you said, I’m sorry that she loves you?? Like I know it was a bit intense but if he wasn’t head over heels for her he should’ve broken up with her a lot earlier and not dragged it on and led her on!!

The way that Umbridge is described - I know that Umbridge is a horrible person and I am not trying to defend her at all !! But I find it very odd that one side of her personality is just being girly which is definitely used against her because Harry always comments on how ugly her things are are. Like I get pink isn’t for everyone and I know when you hate someone everything they do is annoying, but like this is how Umbridge is introduced - The witch spoke in a fluttery, girlish, high-pitched voice that took Harry aback; he had been expecting a croak. Like she is introduced as being girly and idk it just doesn’t sit right with me. 

That stupid emotional range of a teaspoon comment - Sorry, I forgot, women are just really overdramatic and sensitive and boys don’t cry and therefore could not understand the female brain - not even when they are sharing the trauma of losing someone 

Harry and Cho - do you really expect me to believe that Harry Potter - the boy who spent his summer holidays after his fourth year having nightmares and feeling horrible about Cedric’s death - witnessed Cho Change - the girl who was dating Cedric - crying at the mention of Cedric (not that long after he died!) and went ‘lol why tf this bitch crying?’ and also don’t get me started on their date in the book because that angered me on levels you don’t understand. Like Cho’s reaction is what positioned a lot of people to dislike her. After five years of harry Harry Potter and the other two fuck up your school year I feel like everyone in Hogwarts knows that Harry, Ron and Hermione are like the best of fucking friends and Cho’s reaction honestly just felt like it was put in for entertainment purposes but I was not entertained. 

Snape and Lily - Yes I do think its reasonable that Snape got angry over never getting any pussy and decided to take it out on defenceless children. He is my hero. 

Draco and Hermione - look, I have nothing against people who ship fanon dramione because in very simplified terms they do make for the perfect love/hate trope and sometimes things aren’t really serious and it is just a means of escapism. But canon dramione is a horrible concept and I cannot believe that she actually considered making them date. Like yes, that is a really nice message to send to young and impressionable minds - I’m sorry but if that was canon it would be no more better than a ‘I’m dating my bully’ wattpad story. 

Anyways, I’m sorry I went on a massive but I’ve been holding this in for too long :( Basically the point of this is that I really do think pitting women against each other for very simple reasons and setting up a character as unlikeable because they like traditional girly things is really bad writing and you know what? I could honestly forgive that because it was quite a while ago - and even though I’m not trying to defend it or say that it was right- stuff like this was normal in media and entertainment and if she came out and said ‘yeah it was kinda shitty when I made everyone dislike the actual goddess Fleur Delacour because she was pretty’ I would be like ‘yeah, you’re right’ and move on with my life. But she didn’t and instead she showed us that she was transphobic and horrible and just plain misogynistic and now I (obviously) can’t move on. 

[pynkhues]

Misogyny is definitely a big reason Beth gets hate and criticized but the fact that she is half the part of a very shipped paring also weight a lot in it. For exemple, if a lot of people are annoyed with her for choosing her kids over Rio, when it's normal, I'd say most people are discontent because she doesn't seem to be torn even one bit about it. If she has, it's extremely implicit and not that palpable.

If their actions towards one another were reversed, Rio would probably get less hate, but shippers would still probably be very vocal about him. I think Beth gets hate for 3 big reason, misogyny, being the more impassive one in her relationship with Rio -expect for sex- and because of how the writers portray the relationship between a white woman and a latino man, the last one being a lot more valid.

If she wasn't in a pairing, she wouldn't get half the hate she gets, i think that's important to underline. Shippers are definitely passionate and often most absorbed by that dimension of the characters and in S3 Beth has given the opposite of "shipping material" and I think a lot of the hate is rooted in that. It's no coincidence that Beth has gotten the most hate for S3

(x)

Oh, I definitely think that shipping plays a big part in it, anon

I think people have a tendency to romanticise ships significantly and the intersection of fanon and canon can often collide which I think colours people’s perception of what the show itself actually is. And I know I’m a part of that! I speculate a lot during the hiatuses and I can’t even count the number of comments I’ve had on my domestic fic, The Center and Circumference, telling me people wished it was canon, which, y’know! Is lovely but it’s never going to be! This show’s never pretended to be that type of show, and being able to differentiate between fanon and canon helps to temper perception which ultimately tempers expectations as well.

I think this is one of the areas the Rio conversation gets complicated too, because the amount of conversation about him in fandom spaces, and the amount of fic and gifs and art he generates makes him feel like a much more leading character than he is. He’s always been a supporting character, not a main, and has had the same amount of screentime – the show’s never pretended that he isn’t or that he hasn’t (although I do agree that NBC’s marketing plays him up more than they should) – but I think that attention in fandom, particularly during the hiatuses, lead people to reimagine him as a lead, which in turn only leads to disappointment.

It’s the same with shipping Beth and Rio. So much attention gets put on their relationship, when it’s ultimately not what the show’s about. As a result, when Beth makes choices that prioritise other things in her life, she’s seen as not meeting fan expectation which can in turn create a pretty visceral disappointment and frequently an anger in people too, which gets directed back at her.

Which brings up an interesting point, because I do think I disagree about Rio getting hate if his and Beth’s positions were reversed. Rio has done a lot of messed up things on this show to Beth, and put many spanners in the works of their relationship, but where Beth is inevitably seen to be a callous bitch, Rio’s either a ‘savage’ or he’s out of character.

The latter of which I agree with in certain instances! I’ve talked about it on here plenty, I will always think the kidnapping was lazy, racist writing and not in line with the character they’d established Rio to be, but I don’t think it is in all instances at all. I think ordering the hit on Lucy was very in character for instance, and yet the response to that from the fandom was drastically less significant than, say, Beth having sex with her husband. The argument that gets thrown around there is typically ‘well, what do people expect? He’s a gangboss.’ which is true! But also, Beth is married, and Dean is her husband, whether people like it or not.

It’s that distinction and lack of understanding that I find inherently frustrating, and ultimately misogynistic.

The misogyny runs deeper than Beth too. Annie gets a frankly absurd amount of criticism on everything from her choice of sexual partner to her parenting, and while most of the time there are points of validity to these criticisms, a lot of the time what’s valid gets swallowed up in sexist language or misogynistic concepts. Hell, that’s even what happens to Beth. Good points about white privilege, girl boss feminism and accountability are swallowed up in vitriol, misogyny and like I said in my original post, a hunger to see her punished in often physically violent ways.

This gets even more complex when the intersection of gender and race comes into play. This was I think most obvious during Ruby’s s2 arc where she was forced to choose between the family she’d chosen (Beth and Annie) and the family she’d created (Stan and her children). There was an insane amount of judgement on Ruby’s character during these episodes and a lot of toxic and racist language about Ruby’s duty to Beth, which was again, not just misogynistic, but racist and hugely unempathetic to the impossible situation she was put in.

Just for the record, I think these are issues that are in every fandom, not just this one, and they’re issues that are frequently internalised and hard to tease out and untangle, but at the same time, I do think it’s important to try.