#so i can use it

[glorified-red]

sex ed from red 👍

No literally, idk how my blog turned into this.

This is also hilarious to me because i got bored one day a few months ago and decided to write a fic where Tim goes to Jason for help with sex and it was supposed to be a crack fic. I wanted to write a smut scene but the overhead narration was Jason listing advice to Tim and then Tim actually using it in practice. I got maybe 1.5k words in? And just couldnt keep going because it was so perfect and I kept laughing while writing. I didn't even get to the lecture, I just couldnt 🤣

Here, a little treat:

“Goldie’s gonna flip his shit if he finds out I’m doing this,” Jason said under his breath while wiping off whatever was on the whiteboard already. Tim could barely make out a chaotic map of Jason’s territory as Red Hood, red lines scattered across sharp lines of alleyways and clunky boxes of warehouses.

Tim waited patiently, bouncing on the balls of his feet. The older boy wiped marker flakes off his sweatpants, looking at Tim expectantly. “Are you just going to stand there awkwardly or are you gonna pull up a chair and take notes, because I’m only going through this once so you better treat it like a briefing.” 

“Do I get to ask questions?” Tim rolled Jason’s desk chair over in front of the board and sat down. 

“You can wait till I’m done. I can’t have you interrupting me.” 

Tim nodded firmly. “Right.” 

Jason stood beside the board like a Professor waiting on his class to settle down, the bored expression, the nonchalant stance, even his bangs were pulled back so he could concentrate. He uncapped the black marker and the cap found its way into the pocket of his sweatpants as his stance shifted onto one side---impatient.

“Well?" Jason prompted with the opened marker, "Are you gonna pull out a notepad?” 

“Oh,” Tim scrambled for his phone and clicked open his notes app. Once a new screen was pulled up, he straightened up and looked at the empty board expectantly. 

Jason eyed the phone and blinked before turning back to the board. Near-silent squeaks emitted from the marker has he began to write, the sound barely traveling to Tim's ears.

His handwriting was chaotic but in an endearing way. He took after Bruce who wrote in all capital letters, straight and harsh lines that seemed to bold themselves across parchment. Jason wrote the first letter of each word slightly larger than the rest so he could still capitalize his own letters—a small but notable difference. Everyone in the family could easily tell the two handwritings apart because of this, even if they were so similar. 

On the board in bold letters was ‘Getting Laid 101’ and Tim had to swallow down a chuckle with just how similar this was to a lecture. 

“Alright,” Jason clapped his hands together, “Let’s get you laid.”

[an1muuarts]

i would make an fnf cover BUT EVERYTHING IS IN FUCKIN FLP

[bixels]

As gen-AI becomes more normalized (Chappell Roan encouraging it, grifters on the rise, young artists using it), I wanna express how I will never turn to it because it fundamentally bores me to my core. There is no reason for me to want to use gen-AI because I will never want to give up my autonomy in creating art. I never want to become reliant on an inhuman object for expression, least of all if that object is created and controlled by tech companies. I draw not because I want a drawing but because I love the process of drawing. So even in a future where everyone’s accepted it, I’m never gonna sway on this.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[ashcadence]

TikTok is gone and I had a video go viral LITERALLY TODAY

I am so mad right now!

I need something good to throw in a harbor to protest I'm open to suggestions

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[xpurplepiex]

when i started watching g1 for the first time, i was NOT prepared for whatever the fuck its doing with Megatron's transformation😭😭

it gave me so much psychic damage

[spicybeefu]

What if Pokemon & Animal Crossing had a crossover game? #10 Made in Blender, Wooper design by @omuart on instagram!

[aluminumneedles]

I'm knitting in the corner at a party

and guys my age stop by to tell me I remind them of their aunt, of their grandmother. This is a compliment and I take it as such. They confess to having tried crochet once, and I smile. They get back in line for the bathroom.

I'm knitting in the corner at a party and a queer woman sits on the floor next to me, arranges her skirt, and smiles up at me. (I try not to blush.) She asks me all the questions on her mind about my craft and I answer them, hands still moving. We swap yarn sources. She doesn't stay, but she knows where to find me.

I'm knitting in the corner at a party and everyone knows where to find me when they need a minute, when socializing is too much and the music is too loud and they need to catch their breath. They pretend to be checking in on me, which is sweet, but I can see the relief in their eyes the moment they stop performing for a house full of people. They sit down and tell me things and all the while they never take their eyes off my hands.

The party has wound down and I'm still knitting and the hosts, two guys in their twenties, thank me for "helping to curate the vibe." I had no idea that's what I was doing. I leave the party having forgotten to drink anything and without that woman's number but with many rows added to my top-down raglan sweater. I call it a night, and a good one.

[bosspigeon]

so bc i am a Gross Dude my friends i and sometimes rate our burps and my coworker (who is a teen girl) burped in front of me once and i instinctively rated it

so now every time she burps she looks to me hopefully for a rating and bc she has delicate little baby burps i now have to create an entirely new Burp Rating System unique to her bc i rate anything below a 5 and she looks at me like this

[hinamie]

10 years later

[fremulon]

forget Resting Bitch Face, I have Resting Competent Face. People see me and think ah yes she can point me to the nearest train station. Fellow grocery shoppers ask if I know what kind of butter they should buy. If a strange man speaks to me on the street it is literally always an inquiry and never a catcall. Once someone randomly asked me what an equinox was and after I told her she nodded and said "you seemed like you'd know." why am I assigned oracle at random interaction

[peanutseagle]

Yeah. so. episode three

[wanderingibon]

anya deserved so much better

[platoapproved]

louis + cruelty