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thewafflekingdom · 2 years ago

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Keeping Touch - HinaYachi

Part of her was afraid she would lose touch with the boys after graduation, just as she had lost touch with some of her upperclassmen. And it was only exacerbated when it came to light that none of them would be going to the same university, much less near the same cities.

She messaged them often during the summer break, usually in the hopes of setting up a hangout with them, and she found herself gently rejected each time.

Kageyama had much to prepare for, so she wasn't surprised there.

But Hinata?

“I'm sorry, Yachi-san,” he murmured softly over the phone – his voice wobbly and sincere. “I can't right now.”

It wasn't as if she didn't have a lot to do, either. Her university of choice would be a bit of a drive from home, so she had a lot to think about in terms of housing. Join the dorm waitlist or tough out the commute? If she got into the dorms, she would need to think about bedding, what clothing she'd take with her, and also maybe figure out if she had any pet peeves about anything. She'd heard much about nightmare roommates.

But there was more than that.

Her major? Finding a job on campus or nearby to pay for food? Her mom wouldn't cover everything.

But through all that, she felt her heart twist and tug at the thought of not getting to say a proper goodbye to either of them. She lied in bed staring at the ceiling at the end of the day, tears welling in her eyes, and wondered if they could really be that busy.

And then of course she began wondering if maybe she had imagined them being a lot closer than they were.

Yachi devolved into typing out messages to the boys – long, emotional, even vengeful messages – and then slowly deleting them before she could work up the courage to send them.

It's okay, she wants to tell them. We don't have to see each other right now.

I just miss you.

She felt herself sob a little, so she had to put away her phone before she couldn't take it anymore.

.x.

It was the week before she was supposed to leave, finally deciding to move forward with the dorms – after all, staying at home would only further twist the knife – when she finally received the message she had been waiting for.

Do you have time today?

Her heart felt like it was going to burst. She had to quickly remind herself that she should be angry. There was absolutely no reason why this message should be making her as happy as it was.

You blow me off for weeks , she felt like responding, and all of a sudden you want to meet up??

No. There was no reason to be scornful. Hinata was doing just a touch better than Kageyama was at this point, after all.

They agreed to meet at the park. Maybe grab a bite to eat from there.

Yachi had packed her things already, so all she had left were her dressiest dresses. It had been weeks after all. Maybe getting dolled up for once wouldn't be a terrible idea. It wouldn't make any difference to Hinata.

She showered, applied her favorite perfume, and sat down to smear some makeup on. It took a few several tries before she wiped everything off and settled on curling her lashes, applying mascara, and dabbing her lips in a pink gloss.

“Okay,” she said. “Stop it. You're extremely overdressed.”

The dress was one she had considered for her graduation. She'd worn it out on family dinners before. It was a starchy, sunny yellow fabric with bows on the shoulders. The skirt fell to her knees, and the waist was cinched modestly with a thin belt. On the way out, she decided to add a white cardigan to hide her shoulders.

For some reason, that felt like a step too far, allowing him to see just that much more skin.

The whole way there – walk, subway ride, walk some more – she reined in her heart rate and steadied her breathing. Just last month, seeing Hinata would never have elicited such a reaction from her. It wasn't as if he had changed since then.

“Seriously,” she mumbled to herself as she stepped out of the station and into the warm glow of sunset. “Relax.”

At last the park came into view. She checked her phone as she waited at the stoplight, but couldn't yet ascertain if he'd made it or not. Would he already be waiting for her at some park bench?

Hinata lived on the other side of town. The outskirts, really, where there were more houses than shops. She'd always wondered what his house looked like, and if it was as warm as he was.

Or as loud.

The park was fully in use. Children ran and played, dogs were walked, and a group of people in jumpsuits stretched and danced in a clearing. Yachi wandered around, clutching her phone, and glanced at every single person she passed.

“Yachi-san,” she heard him murmur from behind her.

She whirled around, nearly dropping her phone in the process.

Hinata stood some paces away, hands stuffed into the pockets of a red hoodie. He gave a half smile, and she felt her heart squeeze again.

Of course he didn't look any different than usual. He wore a pair of black joggers, his old, scuffed up sneakers, and his hair had the exact same cowlick it always had. He reached up now to rub at that cowlick anxiously, and she became aware that she was staring now.

“Hinata-kun,” she said, smiling. “How have you been?”

“Good,” he said, pocketing his hand again. “More or less.”

More or less?

“Wanna walk?” he asked, before she could say anything in response.

“Oh, sure!”

He led them down the sidewalk, in the direction she'd been heading before. “How have you been?” he asked, while she tucked her phone back into her bag.

“Busy, busy,” she said, wiping her hands dry of her sweat. “My semester starts soon so I'm getting ready to move.”

“Move?”

“I'm gonna dorm there,” she explained, somewhat surprised she hadn't mentioned it to him before. Though it could have been because she was angry with him. “It's just too far of a commute, you know?”

“Makes sense,” he said thoughtfully. After a moment of awkward silence, he asked, “Won't you be homesick?”

“Of course I will,” she said with a shrug. “But you have to do what you have to do, right?”

He grew quiet at that.

After a couple of slow laps around the park, he finally suggested grabbing lunch at a nearby sandwich shop.

Yachi mulled over the options as they stood in line – deciding and then re-deciding the closer they got to the front – and he remained pensive beside her. “What are you getting?” she asked, attempting to get a better feel of her appetite.

Or maybe just trying to settle the anxiety his silence was causing her.

“Uh, Italian,” he said absently, checking his phone.

She fidgeted with her sleeve nervously. “...Maybe I'll get the same.”

“It sounds good.”

Yachi then spent the remainder of their time in line agonizing over that. Why was his detachment making her feel as if she was swallowing sand? And why was he acting like this? As if he really, truly, wanted to be anywhere but here?

He placed his order, then turned to her and said, “I'll get yours, too. You wanted the same thing?”

“Oh,” she croaked, surprised. “Oh, it's okay, Hina—”

“No, it's okay. I got it.”

“Um,” she mumbled, clearing her throat. “Yeah. Same as you.”

“Something to drink?”

“Just water. Thank you.”

He handed her the water cup and led her to the soda fountain. Then he proceeded to wait for her to fill her cup before leading her over to a clear booth next to a window. “Wanna sit here?”

“O – Okay.”

They sat across one another, and he sipped and sipped at his water until he had to get back up to refill it. By that point, their order was being called, so he collected their sandwiches on the way back.

He placed the tray between them and took his seat again.

She didn't unwrap her sandwich until he did. At this point, she found she didn't have much of an appetite.

“So...what have you been up to?” she asked at last, watching him scarf down his food as if he hadn't eaten all day. “Aside from preparing for university.”

He set his cup down and examined it for a second, as if he hadn't heard her. Just when she thought he wasn't going to answer her, he said, “I've been doing some thinking about my future. And researching.”

She folded back the wrapper of her sandwich thoughtfully. “Researching?”

He swallowed dryly, not looking at her. “I've... I think I know now that I want to do volleyball for the rest of my life. Or...at least that I wanna do it for as long as I can. So I don't know if wasting any more time at school is really gonna do me any good.”

“Wasting?” Yachi choked out.

“I know,” he mumbled, visibly ashamed. “It's not actually a waste, and I really should continue. But... But what good will it do? It's not as if spending all my time in a classroom or in libraries studying is gonna help me improve.”

“Hinata-kun...” she began, and he held up a hand.

“I've already decided. I'm going to join a team, and I'm going to improve.”

Yachi grew quiet, and after a few minutes, Hinata continued eating. At a much more reasonable pace.

She did the same.

.x.

“So, if you've already decided,” Yachi said as they walked, cradling her wrapped half sandwich in the crook of her arm, “have you also decided where you're going?”

Hinata had stuffed his hands back in his pockets, and he took a few minutes to respond. It wasn't until they were standing at some empty corner, where the light had not yet turned, that he said, “I'm going to Brazil, Yachi-san.”

All the air left her lungs. “What ?”

He swallowed visibly. His eyes tightened. “I'm sorry I'm telling you now.”

Yachi thought about these past few weeks. These past couple of months. The lead up to their graduation, all those promises to stay in contact, and then the radio silence. She had half-expected it from Kageyama, who had never seemed exceptionally attached to anyone except Hinata, but not Hinata. And she thought about that, too. The days she spent staring at her phone, and how his one-word responses had cut away at her like knives, and how she kept making excuses for him. He had to be busy prepping for school. He had to be just as busy as she was.

All this time. All this time missing him, and practicing restraint, reminding herself that he had a whole future to prepare for and that he would make time enough soon.

And of course, even if he went to school in a different town, they would see each other. Just like she saw all the rest of them. Just like how she sometimes met up with Tanaka, or Shimuzu, or –

“How long have you known this, Hinata-kun?” she mumbled.

He had been moving to cross the street, but when she stayed where she was, he turned to her. His eyes widened a little, and then he couldn't look at her.

“Hinata,” she said. “Have you known this whole time?”

Some questions shouldn't be asked, she realized now. Some questions didn't need an answer.

They just hurt too much.

“Sort of.”

Yachi squeezed her eyes shut, and with it came tears. Ugly, unreasonable tears. She went to cover her face, but the sandwich was there, and before she could throw it in frustration, Hinata was there also.

“Yachi-san,” he whispered softly, hands on her shoulders.

He wasn't so much bigger than her, but he bowed into her space to catch her eyes and it felt like too much. She turned her head away, clutching at the stupid sandwich and seeking some way out of all this. Some way home, where she can curl up into herself and wait for next Sunday to come. So she can leave. So she can get started on her new life and never think about this person again.

She could do it. She could really do it.

“Yachi-san,” he said again, and this time his hands fit themselves to her face, steering her back to him so that she'd look him in the eye. “I meant that I'd been thinking about not going to college for a while, but Brazil...this was a spur of the moment – ”

“Then why did you – why did you blow me off this whole time?” she squeaked. She felt her face flush at the petulant sound of her own voice, and she tried again to turn away from him.

He was, of course, much stronger than he looked. He didn't allow an inch. “I... I thought it would be best.”

“Best?” she asked. “ Best? For who?”

He swallowed again. “For you, Yachi-san.”

Her hands curled around his wrists, staring, bewildered, at him. It wasn't until his lashes fluttered, second-thinking himself, that it dawned on her. She twisted out of his grasp. “Were you not going to tell me?” she asked, stepping back. “Were you – Were you just going to ship off to Brazil and never tell me?”

“I was going to tell you,” he protested, and then ducked to pick up the sandwich from the ground, where she'd apparently dropped it. “I – I swear. I just. I didn't want to distract you. You have so much ahead of you and you worked so hard on me and Kageyama and we – we – we just didn't end up... We weren't...”

He fell silent, again. She waited a second, before reaching for the sandwich.

He didn't let it go.

“I didn't want you to worry yourself over me. You needed to focus on getting ready for school.”

Yachi sniffled. She understood what he was trying to say. If she had known any sooner, she wouldn't have been able to focus.

Would she have spent all of her time trying to convince him not to go? For what? For him to stay in Japan, miserable at some school he never wanted to attend, just so that she could see him sometimes?

Or would she have spent all her time with him, trying to make up for the time they were about to lose?

It no longer mattered. This Sunday, she would be moving to a whole other city, and her semester would promptly begin the following week. And Hinata would be leaving the country entirely.

When would they have seen each other next, anyway?

Yachi found herself stepping into him, weaving her arms underneath his. Hinata pulled her even closer, without hesitation.

They've hugged before, of course. But this felt different somehow.

She squeezed him, and he squeezed her right back, even tighter. Her face tucked into his shoulder, and she became aware for the first time of the way he smelled. All the times before, post matches or post training, he smelled sweaty and boyish and hot. But now he smelled like soap, and the onions from their sandwiches, and the evening sun.

A small sob left her, suddenly realizing that there was a lot about Hinata she didn't know. It was the sorts of things you learned with time, with intimacy. What brand was his soap? Was it his favorite? Did he wake up early today for his usual jog? Would he keep doing so in Brazil?

And how was he going to move to Brazil and not know a word of Portuguese?

For one wild, irrational moment, Yachi suddenly wished she knew how to speak Portuguese, just so that she could teach him how to speak it. Just one last thing to teach him, before he left for good.

“How long will you be gone?” she mumbled, and squeezed her eyes shut when he rubbed a hand gently across her upper back.

“A while,” he murmured.

“Will you write me?” she asked meekly.

He gave a small laugh as he pulled away to look at her. It was then she remembered that they were out in public, and she was grateful that for some reason, nobody else wanted to be on this corner.

His hands landed back onto her shoulders.

“Wouldn't it be faster to just send an email?” he asked, smiling. “Letters are outdated.”

“Letters are cool,” she protested. “Something to look forward to.”

“They take so much time.”

“Because you have to think them through,” she said softly. “You can't waste a single line. You can't redo them once they’re written.”

“You can redo them tons of times,” he shook his head. “Am I hearing you right? You want them handwritten, too?”

“Of course I do. That way you won't forget everything I've taught you. You're going to be learning a whole different language, after all.”

He hung his head. “Right.”

“You'll write me?”

“I'll write. But also, I'll call. It'll be faster.”

“And expensive.”

“Oh... Right.”

“I'll miss you,” she said.

“I'll miss you, too,” he replied, before pulling her into another hug.

.x.

The first letter came a month later, and then another the month after that.

Hinata messaged often, and called whenever he had the chance. But he continued to write as promised, even going as far as attaching photo printouts. She kept them in a shoe box. The one time she decided to pin up a photo of him, her roommate asked, “Your boyfriend?”

“My best friend,” she corrected.

It gets lonely out here, he wrote at first. And the climate is so different. But the people are nice, and the beaches are beautiful.

She pinned the photo he took of it for her.

I'm glad I did this. And I'm glad you're doing good, too.

“You're more evocative in your letters than over the phone,” she commented one day.

“What's that mean? ” he asked, his voice cracking a little. After a pause he said, “Oh, okay. Okay. Maybe? ”

“You looked it up?”

“ I...had to. ”

Hinata talked about all the new people he was meeting, all the new food he was trying, and of course how much he loved volleyball. He lit up when he talked about it, or at least she imagined he did. Over the phone, it was all about the feeling of playing. The rush he got from it, even now, even months after high school. But in his letters, he went into depth about the things he was learning. New tactics, re-evaluating the game play, and everything in between.

“ Also Oikawa was here? From Aoba Josai, remember him? ”

“Of course I remember him. Small world. What was he doing there?”

“Hanging out, I guess.”

“Uh-huh. That follows.”

“Follows what? ”

.x.

Naturally things petered out somewhere around the one-year mark. Yachi was immersed in her courses, somewhere on the brink of re-deciding her future once again, and when break rolled around, in the spring, she thought about asking him: “So...when are you coming back, again?”

She assumed it would be too expensive for him to travel back just for a few weeks, so she decided against asking at all.

“Any other familiar faces lately?” she asked him, when their conversation lulled into silence.

“Surprisingly, no,” he said, which wasn't surprising at all. “Have you seen anyone lately? ”

“From Karasuno?” she asked needlessly. “Tanaka is really good about keeping touch for some reason. He visited a couple of weeks ago.”

“ Ah, I miss Ryuu... ”

She smiled. “He misses you, too.”

“Noya?”

“He calls. So does Yamaguchi. And Shimizu, I saw her recently, too.”

“Kageyama ?”

She tapped her fingers against her knee anxiously. “No. I haven't seen him...in a while.”

“Jerk.”

She gave a shaky smile. “It's okay. He's really busy. He checks in sometimes.”

Hinata went quiet for a few moments, and she could hear the sounds of dishes being washed. The good thing was that the time zones weren't so different. Hinata was either preparing dinner, or cleaning up after dinner.

“Are you busy? I can let you – ”

“ No, I'm... Well, I wanted to tell you so that we don't run into the same problem as before ,” he said, shutting off the water. “ I'm planning on staying another year. Then I wanna... Then I'll come back. ”

Her breath hitched.

Another year.

“That... That's good. I know you're having a lot of fun.”

“It's more than that,” he protested. “I'm learning a lot, Yachi-san. I've grown so much. I think it'd be really good for me.”

She nodded, eyes wet, but she wiped them away and cleared her throat. “I think so, too, Hinata-kun. You have to do what's best for you.”

“Are you excited for another year?” he asked, maybe to change the subject.

.x.

Between classwork and projects and part-time work, she didn't really have time to dwell on much else. The weekly phone calls turned to every other week, and the letters came few and far between.

But they came. Less often, and in sporadic lengths, with random items included, but they came all the same. Sometimes photos, sometimes recipes he'd become fond of. It depended on how much time he had at any given moment.

Her birthday rolled around, and he called as he always did, but that day she also received a package. Which explained why he nervously said, “I hope it got there on time...”

In retrospect, it was pretty obvious what he meant.

She sliced the package open, which was wrapped in several layers of tape and postage, and sat on the floor of her dorm room carefully bunching up and setting aside the trash she was accumulating in the process. Inside was a sort of self-care package. Or it had to be. She couldn't make much sense of any of it.

There were several objects stuffed inside, with some half-attempt at organization.

Topping the stack were several packets of what looked like candy. She couldn't read any of the writing, so she spent some time typing in the brand names into her phone to translate to herself. Chocolate, mostly, but also gummies of some sort. Guava flavored, tamarind, strawberry. She hesitated, but unwrapped one to taste.

Her face scrunched. Very sour. Maybe an acquired taste.

She set it aside for later.

Next it appeared he sent her some perfume samples. Maybe to get past customs. She took a little time sniffing and sampling them.

Some colorful, scented candles. Some fluffy, pink slippers. A couple of cute spiral notebooks with matching pens. And at the bottom, folded carefully, was a beautiful knitted quilt. It was colorful, and exceptionally made. Maybe by hand?

She stood to unfold it to its full size, admiring it, then brought it closer to feel the fabric against her cheek.

With a start, she realized it smelled just like his soap. The very one she noticed when they hugged.

Before she could help it, she buried her face into the quilt and breathed in.

Seven more months, and he'd be home for good. Or at least for a while.

Hinata spoke about his future in terms of immediacy . He talked about coming back, sure, and all the things he'd do once he's here. But what about after that? What about the year after next? And the year after that ?

She folded the blanket across the foot of her bed with a sigh.

I just got it , she messaged him. Thank you. I love everything.

His answer was immediate: Ahh that's good! I was worried it wouldn't arrive on time!

She tucked everything away, and that night she slept under the quilt, wondering if he'd used it, too.

.x.

These last few months, it finally occurred to her that she'd been moving through her required courses with the same conviction one would their nightly skincare routine.

She had to do it, but she didn't really want to.

As of late she'd been working part-time at her mother's company, and with time she fell into a routine she was beginning to really like. She had asked her mother before how she had chosen this career path. Her mother was still so young, and was younger still when she had decided this was what she wanted to do for the rest of her life.

“I picked and I chose,” her mother said simply.

It can't be that easy. How could it be that easy?

But maybe it really was. Maybe she'd been overthinking it this whole time.

Sure, she had tons of friends that had made it these past couple of years and realized they had no idea what they were doing, so they restarted or decided to take a break or had meltdowns in the middle of the library and then decided they were overthinking it, too. And sure, she might have had a few connections to career paths that they didn't, and she tried not to overthink this, but sometimes this wasn't the blessing that it appeared to be. Sometimes people ended up in places they didn't want to be, because they wanted to make their parents happy –

All this to say, Yachi realized that she was happy going into work right now. And this might not be a forever thing, but what was?

“Sometimes you pick and you choose wrong,” her mother told her. “You're only nineteen, Hitoka, dear. You have time. It'll be okay.”

Yeah.

She had time.

.x.

Hinata greeted her with a hug. Somehow even tighter than the one he'd said goodbye with.

He squeezed her into him, and she could only squeeze back.

“ Hinata-kun ,” she mumbled, so softly it was almost a breath. Her fingers curled into the fabric of his jacket, and he smelled so different. And he was just a little taller than the last time she saw him. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she sniffled, tucking herself against his shoulder.

“Thanks for making time for me,” he said, rubbing at her back.

“Are you kidding?” she asked, as they pulled away from one another.

Hinata had arrived the other day. She was surprised he hadn't decided to spend more time with his family. But of course, he wasn't planning on going anywhere anytime soon.

He assured as much now, taking her hands and squeezing them gently.

“You've basically been my paypal this entire time, you know?”

“It's pen pal, Hinata-kun,” she laughed.

His face reddened. “Oh.”

“Are you hungry?” she asked, squeezing his hands to regain his attention.

“I'm always hungry.”

There was a good spot within walking distance. She'd met him at the subway station, carrying a little gift bag with all of his favorite snacks.

“Oh, I could kiss you right now,” he'd said to her, as he rifled through the contents of the bag.

She blushed happily. “The snacks you sent me were pretty good.”

“Nothing compares to these bad boys,” he said, popping open some bag eagerly.

The waitress greeted them with a brilliant smile. “Just two tonight?” she asked as the door swung shut behind them.

“Yup,” he chirped.

She led them to a cozy booth. “Take your time, alright?”

“So what's the plan now?” she asked him, scanning the menu.

“I'm thinking combo number two,” he murmured, holding the menu up to his face. “Seems like the best bang for your buck.”

She laughed again. “No, I meant for your future.”

He rubbed his forehead, laughing. “I must still have jet lag.”

“No, to be fair, I keep accidentally not giving you context.” She looked at her own menu. “Combo number two sounds good to me, too.”

The waitress returned to take their orders, beaming at them as she made small talk. “Are we out on a date of some kind?”

“Sort of,” Hinata replied, without seeming to think about it.

The waitress clapped her hands. “ Wonderful . You two make such a cute pair. Would you like to start with an appetizer?”

Yachi stared at Hinata, bewildered.

“Do you like wings, Yachi-san?” he asked, still looking at the menu. Unbothered. Maybe even unaware.

She stuttered, struggling to ignore the weird feeling starting up in her middle all of a sudden. “Um – yeah – I. I'll eat wings.”

“Buffalo?”

“S – Sure...”

“Excellent,” the waitress smiled, glancing between them with an expression that made Yachi's heart rate pick up. “Be right back.”

“ Hinata! ” she hissed at him, as he gulped down the glass of water the waitress had placed before him.

“What?” he asked, wiping his mouth with his wrist.

“You just told her we're on a date!”

“Did I?” He took up the glass again to drink some more. “I mean, a hang out is kind of like a date. But between friends.”

“That's not accurate at all! A date is a date.”

“I mean, I guess it's dependent on what you mean.”

“A date is...” she trailed off anxiously. “Like, a nice dinner and a movie. Holding hands and stuff.”

“Sometimes we hold hands.”

“When you're leading me around places, yeah,” she laughed, rolling her eyes.

“Same difference, no?”

“Absolutely not.”

The waitress placed the basket of wings between them. “Need a refill there?”

“Thank you.” He leaned back to let her pour from the pitcher. It wasn't until the waitress disappeared again that he said, “I guess I wasn't really paying attention. But it doesn't matter if she thinks that, right? Two people out to dinner, and you look pretty. And I'm wearing a new jacket.”

She looked down at herself. She was wearing a cozy knitted long-sleeve and a pair of comfy jeans.

Pretty?

He twisted to look behind him. More customers were beginning to trickle in, filling the space with noise.

“It's a popular spot,” Yachi said, when he straightened.

He took a wing. “Do you come here a lot?”

“No,” she admitted, folding her arms on the table. “I... I've been here a couple of times. The first time I actually was on a date.”

He started, almost dropping the wing. “Really?”

“Once. The first and only...so far.”

“Well, this is the second,” he said plainly, looking rather serious.

“Uh-huh,” she said, smiling again. “Right. Well, on this date, he ordered wings, too.”

He placed the half-eaten wing back into the basket. “I'll send these back.”

“No, you won't,” she scoffed, still smiling.

He lifted his hand, whose fingers were still covered in buffalo sauce, and opened his mouth to call the waitress over.

Yachi stole forward and grabbed at his hand. “Hinata-kun! Stop that!”

“When did this date happen?” he asked, grinning now. “Where did you meet the guy?”

“He was a mutual friend. Or a friend of a friend. They set us up because we were in the same major, and he happened to be about the same age, I guess. He was nice,” she sighed. “This was... I don't know, a little over a year ago?”

“You never told me?” he asked, folding his arms. He almost looked hurt.

“It wasn't worth telling,” she said. “He brought me here, and the food was good. But he just wasn't...it. We had nothing in common aside from the courses we were taking and maybe a couple of shows we liked. He talked over me. He definitely thought he was smarter than me...”

“Smarter than you? ” His chin landed in his palm, staring openly now. “No one's smarter than you, Yachi-san.”

“I don't know about that...”

“Here we go!” The waitress appeared, balancing their orders on a tray. “Hope you're hungry!”

Hinata dug in immediately, almost as soon as the plate was in front of him. His appetite had always been impressive. She wondered suddenly if he'd gone for a jog this morning.

She chewed mechanically, staring down at her plate.

It didn't take very long before he asked, “You okay?”

“I'm okay,” she said, tapping the ends of her chopsticks against the plate. “Well. Actually, I wanted to ask you something... I've been wanting to ask for a very long time. Ever since you left.”

“What?”

“How did you know that you wanted to go to Brazil?” She leaned forward, and so did he. Watching her with rapt attention. “That's such a huge step. You left everything and everyone behind on a feeling, right? That this would be the right move for you?”

“More or less...” he murmured, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“It was...on a whim, right?”

Hinata shrugged, deciding if that was the right word. “I guess you can say that. I did a little research leading up to graduation. And I asked some of the older guys. You know, like, what they would have done if they were in my shoes. It led me to Brazil, and I didn't have anything to lose.”

“But that was it?”

“I guess it's hard to explain,” he muttered, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Yachi – you. You're so smart, and so talented. And driven, and organized. You have so much going for you, and your hobbies aren't...”

“All-consuming?” she filled in.

“Yeah. They don't consume you.”

She smiled.

“I – I needed to do this, Yachi-san. I had no choice. I had to get better. I had to. It would have killed me if I hadn't even tried.”

Yachi thought maybe she wouldn't understand. She had hobbies, of course.

None she would leave the country for, though.

“Weren't you scared?” she asked.

“Yeah, I was pretty scared,” he said. “But that's usually my sign that it's a good idea, you know?”

“Oh, Hinata-kun,” she said, barely stifling her laughter. “That's so bad.”

He laughed into his bite of food. “Yeah, probably.”

.x.

He carried her leftovers on the way back to the station, and as he did, he joked, “Do you have time for a movie? We can make it a proper date.”

“I definitely do not,” she said. “But neither do you. You look tired.”

“I'm never tired.”

He probably wasn't lying.

“Maybe next time,” she sighed.

Because there would be a next time. He promised he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon and Hinata, she’s learned, always kept his promises.

“I’ll hold you to it.”

.x.

Note: Also posted on A03, here's link.

#hinayachi #fanfic #hq #haikyū!!#hinata x yachi #my-fanfic

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thotsforvillainrights · 2 years ago

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Ok this might cause great chaos, I mean even more so than the office gremlins usually make, but what if Skeptic and Geten fell for the same s/o due to the fact they were legitimately the first person to be genuinely kind to them?

(Expect it to be less than civil with a little bit of pettiness mixed in there. I may be slaughtering their canon personalities in the process, but who cares. I love writing stuff like this lol)

~Skeptic, Geten & Falling for the same S/O~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

-Let’s say you transfer to Deika for a job or whatnot and you end up working under Hanabata and his offices. Through him (naturally) you’ve worked your way into a friendship pretty fast. Your kindness gives you the upper-hand with him and you also find yourself being promoted much quicker than the others despite being there for such a short time. You’ve made a few enemies in coworkers for that but it’s a story for a different time. Anyhow, you start to tag along with him on lunches and dinners as you pick his brain for work information to help you better yourself at the job. Unfortunately you had to turn him down when he eventually asked you on a date sometime in the future. Luckily for you he brushed it off and didn’t take it personally. He simply wasn’t your type. Even more lucky is that your rejection didn’t cost you the job either! Other than this, you eventually got to meet with his friends and mingle yourself into the liberation army somehow. Everyone was rather taken with you but there were two that seemed to be more interested than the rest.

-Skeptic and Geten were the two main members to be avoided at all cost (especially if you lacked thick skin). Skeptic often made note to condemn you of any mistakes or slip ups you made in front of him. He was cold, calculating, and a perfectionist above all else. He never put his faith in you to do anything right and whenever you slightly messed up, you had to listen to him basically degrade you for 15 minutes straight. Geten was rather rude in a snake-ish kind of way. He didn’t hesitate to say mean things about you under his breath. He constantly questioned your validity and your place in the MLA above all else. On top of that he went out of his way to avoid you and when he had to be near you, he never spared his mean words. You were sure both of them hated you the most. However, you wouldn’t let this get you down! You had a few experiences like this in your life before so you wasted no time applying yourself in the right ways. Kill them with kindness. Each day you went out of your way to be especially kind to both of the men. Sometimes you poured yourself out to Skeptic, bringing him breakfast every morning and baking him some good every week. He never asked you for any of it, and he never thanked you either. Meanwhile you always extended your help to Geten in whatever he did. Anytime he’d injury himself you made sure to help patch him up despite his complaints. Over time it was clear to see you were finally making progress with them.

-Meanwhile on their end, something was happening to both of them...Skeptic started to think about you more than his very own work (which is something he despised yet couldn’t stop). He started to look forward to your daily coffee/breakfast runs, and your weekly baked good just for him. Your kind smile radiated warmth whenever you’d gift it to him. One day he finally took the effort to mumble a ‘thank you’ to which he hopes didn’t come out too awkwardly. He started to feel special at the thought of you doing these things just for him. Geten on the other hand was beginning to slip up (on purpose) just at an attempt to be near you. He quietly watched you clean his scratches and bandage his wounds like nothing. The focused look in your eyes coupled with your gentle touch was making him feel some type of way. He grumbled and complained less and less. When you offered to help him, he secretly cherished the time he was able to share with you. A lot of thinking went on behind the scenes while you remained unaware of the growing passion for you. One day it finally boiled over!

-Skeptic had heard you were back in Detnerat’s building today after being away for a little while helping Hanabata with his new campaign. You hadn’t had time to bring him breakfast like usual but that was okay. He was away working on his own company so it was understandable. He smiled to himself as he paced down the hallway and reached the doorway where you were at. His arm were heavy, weighed down by the flowers and chocolates as well as the other items he purchased for you. He was going to confess his feelings to you today even if he died of embarrassment. Just when he reached for the door handle, his hand touched another familiar hand. He quickly looked to see it was Geten, arm also full of various items. It didn’t take him long to connect the dots and he glared. “What do you think you’re doing then?” Skeptic asked in annoyance. Geten scoffed before answering him in a smart-ass tone. “What the Hell does it look like I’m doing? I’m assuming you have the same thing in mind?” Skeptic grits his teeth momentarily as the two stare each other down. Suddenly the door begins to open and they both take off down the hallway, dropping the items for you to find. You probably shrug either of them off as secret admirers and come to think that perhaps it must be Hanabata trying at your heart again.

-For the next 2 weeks both boys begin to become more and more forward with you while being more aggressive with each other as well. They often try to find ways to one-up each other as they compete for your affections, meanwhile you start to feel a little overwhelmed and surprised by all the attention both of them are showing you. Your days began to consist of Skeptic coming to chat with you with a more friendly demeanor than what you’re used to. He started to buy you lunches and dinners more often and also had his puppets help out around Hanabata’s offices when you were away. He’d also extended his help whenever you needed it should you ever need it (tech wise). Geten was different. Now you noticed that instead of ignoring you, he was lingering around you more than usual. He followed you around whenever you were at Detnerat as if he was a lost little puppy. He was getting hurt more often so you figured it was for the best that he was near you anyway. He sometimes even graced you with a small conversation, something out of the ordinary for someone like him. For a little while you just thought you’d gotten through to them with your kindness but now you were picking up on a few things here and there. One of the things was the way they were at each others throats when they were in the same room with you. It was like a display of dominance or something odd like that. You’d never seen them insult each other like this before. It clicked: you had some crushes. That was likely why you had all that stuff at the doorway a few weeks ago. Some of the items were repeats meaning it was gifted to you by both of them.

-Although you had turned down Hanabata when you two had first gotten close, it wasn’t the same with Skeptic and Geten now that you knew they’d both favored you. They were (unlike Koku) each your type. Now it was simply up to you to choose who you would confront about feelings...

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #skeptic bnha #tomoyasu chikazoku #bnha geten #mla #meta liberation army #Headcanon

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linkspooky · 3 years ago

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The Hands that Will Save the League

In chapter 321 we're reminded once again of the reoccurring motif of hands reaching out to save someone in need, especially with the double spread close-up of Iida's hands reaching for Deku's hands. I couldn't help but think how this could apply to the league of villains. Hand symbolism has always been associated with Shigaraki (duh), both in the fact that his hands destroy everything they touched, and also his reason for being a villain stems from the fact that not a single hand reached out to save him that day. However, we've also had another character in the league with hands drawn up close and personal reaching out to save the others: spinner.

1. Just an Empty Cosplayer

I'm not the first one to make this observation. @codenamesazanka pointed this out long before me, especially in regards to Spinner's importance to the league, but basically, Spinner's role is that despite being a teenage mutant ninja turtle he's also the everyman of the league. He's not connected to the main conflict of the story by bloodline or legacy, the way Shigaraki, Dabi, and Compress are. He's not someone with an incredibly powerful or deviant quirk like Twice or Toga. He is a victim, but he doesn't have the elaborate villain backstories of Twice, Shigaraki, Dabi, and Toga.

He literally is just some guy with a lizard quirk. He has the weakest quirk in the league and the weakest reason for why he joined the league. Spinner faces societal abuse because of his quirk, but what spurred him to action was seeing Stain appear on TV, and a desire to be a less empty person than he was before. Spinner was pushed, he was rejected by society, but I would say as an inverse to the league who are driven by extraordinary circumstances, Spinner is basically an every man who drives himself to keep up with the rest of the league despite seemingly lacking everything "special" they have.

And I believe this every man quality, and this drive Spinner has is what's going to be the key to piecing the league back together. It's because Spinner sees himself as so far behind the rest of the league, and so much less special than they are, that he's driven to try to understand them.

Not only is Spinner a member who has tried to understand every member of the league in one way or another, Spinner is also someone who similiar to Sihgaraki foils every single character in the league despite just being an everyman.

2. Spinner and Toga

While Spinner and Toga may not have the same level of development to their interactions as Twice and Toga, Spinner reaches out to her once but not twice, and there are a lot of parallels you can draw between the characters.

Both Spinner and Toga joined the league for the same reason, an empty admiration for Stain, without really caring about Stain's ideals. Toga admires Stain because he's covered in blood and fighting for something and she wants to become more like the people she admires, Spinner because he saw himself as pathetic for hiding in his room all day and when he saw Stain taking a stand trying to change the whole world on his own he wanted to become that way too. Which means both of them have a tendency to want to become more like the people they admire, because their own sense of personal identity is so weak.

Himiko and Spinner both define themselves by the way society has rejected them. Spinner has internalized the idea that he's an empty person who can't accomplish anything on his own, every terrible thing other people said about him due to his heteromorph quirk he accepted it. At the same time, Toga was somebody born with a "dangerous quirk" who was told to repress it and then did that living under a fake identity as a normal school girl that would please her parents and the people around her for as long as she could. Both Toga and Spinner are taught by the society around them to be self-loathing and to repress themselves because of their quirks. They're also characters who are both defined by a desire for release.

When Spinner asks if Toga still wants to be in the league because of Stain and she responds, Now I wanna become everyone I love. Spinner comments, "You're so free."

Spinner and Toga both claim they joined the league because of love for another person, they both loved and admired some aspect of Stain, but their real reason for joining, or at least the reason they stay is that deep down both of them desire the freedom to be themselves. Toga wrapping her desires up in language like love for other people, and wanting to become them, is because deep down she believes because of her quirk there's no one who would accept her for herself, as the normal girl she believes she is, no one will let her live as Toga thus she tries to become other people. It's the same for Spinner, who believes he can't be anything other than the Lizard Freak, so he too tries to dress himself up and become a Stain Cosplayer. It's only through the league's acceptance that Toga and Spinner slowly begin to learn that they are good enough on their own, just as themselves, and their priorities begin to shift.

3. Spinner and Twice

Twice and Spinner have several backstory parallels already. They are both characters affected by poverty, Spinner lived in a backwater town plagued by old views of heteromorph quirks, Twice lost his parents and began working to support himself at a young age before becoming homeless. Spinner and Twice were also both labeled in a way that stuck with them, after Twice got a criminal charge in an accident on his permanent record he couldn't find another job after being labeled deviant. Spinner was labeled as a deviant because of his quirk and the idea that he's a lizard freak has always stuck with him the same way that Twice has internalized the idea that "bad people don't get saved."

They also both chose to isolate themselves because of the circumstances they faced. Twice's first response to homelessness was to decide to never trust anybody but himself, and he became a criminal who pulled off heists with only clones of himself as team members until that stopped working for him. Spinner's response was also to shut himself away in his room and become a NEET. They both cut themselves off to the society that labeled them as unacceptable, but in the process they also cut themselves off from other people and became unable to trust others.

While they have major backstory parallels, I believe the greatest parallel between them is going to be that Spinner will inherit that role that Twice had for the league. While Shigaraki is the leader, Twice more than anybody else believed the League to be a family, and encouraged everyone to be friendly with one another.

It's Twice more than anyone else who emphasizes the bond of the league, that they're all strays, that they need to take care of each other and save each other. It's Twice who urges Shigaraki to save Giran because he's one of them. He makes the unspoken bond of the league as a group of miscreants into a spoken one, because Twice wants those things, he's well aware of the fact that he wants trust and acceptance and came to the league to find those things. This is the greatest thing that ties Spinner and Twice's characters together, because they both view themselves as worthless, they define themselves by how they help the other members of the league.

Twice's death so far isn't something that has been really capitalized on by the plot, Hawks has yet to face consequences, we haven't gotten to see much of the league's reaction because they were scattered soon afterwards. However, if Twice's death is going to cause development eventually I believe it will be in the vacuum in the league created now that Twice is gone. There is no longer someone who is urging all of them to be together. Twice's death causes most of the league to become less stable. Toga goes on a killing spree, Dabi attacks Hawks, Compress tries to kill himself in a heroic sacrifice, Shigaraki hasn't gotten the chance to react yet but he's also gotten worse considering he's currently possessed. You could even say that Twice's death has caused other characters to double down on their worst habits.

Dabi's worst habit is that he acts separately from the league and refuses to participate in the group dynamic, believing himself to be a solo avenger. Dabi not trusting or telling the league what he was planning on doing with Hawks, as a consequence of his decision to play solo avenger, caused Twice to trust Hawks which led to his death. Hawks was the one who killed him but Dabi played a part, and when Twice dies Dabi obviously reacts to it, but also his decision is to double down on his bad habit, insisting he's only using the league and he doesn't care about the rest of the group. Toga also doubles down on her bad habit, she runs away from the rest of the league and insists she's only doing this for the freedom to do whatever she pleases, not because you know Twice got killed right in front of her. Compress's arc is less pronounced, but he also does, in fact, try to kill himself in a grand heroic sacrifice for the rest of the league.

When twice dies the league begins to fall apart and everyone acts on their individual worst flaws, ignoring that they were always stronger together as a group. However, there is still one person who wanted the exact same thing Twice did, to be trusted, to belong to a group. This is most likely the role that Spinner is going to grow to, someone who is trusted by everyone in the group.

Notably, when Toga is about to run away it's Spinner who reminds her that the league is a place for them to come back to. Toga who was probably the closest to Twice and spiraling the worst because of his death, and Toga and Twice's friendship was the first time we really saw how much of a "bond" the league had formed with one another, because in the camp arc they barely cooperated, only begrudgingly. It's Spinner who who emphasizes that even though everyone in the league is doing this for individualism "doing what they want" that they are also together as a group. Spinner is set to inherit Twice's role as the heart, because one he tries to understand other people in the league making the effort to reach out, and two Spinner is aware of what he wants just like Twice he wants to be trusted by the rest of the group.

4. Spinner and Dabi

This one is a little bit harder because Dabi's character arc really hasn't started yet. We have just now gotten to the reveal of who he is and what his motivations are, after it being a mystery for so long. However unlike the rest of the league, we haven't really seen how Dabi has reacted and changed by becoming a part of the group. Even if his motivation isn't "I'm only using them" and deep down he really does care, I don't think he's even realized yet that he does care or that he's not just using them. Dabi still believes himself to be alone, and therefore he's still isolated from the rest of the league and flying his revenge quest solo even though he's really not.

In that case, the biggest parallel between Spinner and Dabi is that they both had to be won over by the league. They both joined because of admiration for Stain, probably because Dabi genuinely believed in Stain's ideals of taking down impure heroes because it fit his own agenda so well, whereas Spinner is a self-proclaimed empty cosplayer.

Spinner, however, has already gone through an arc where he was dissatisfied with his reasons for joining the league and didn't believe he belonged with the rest of the group. He didn't have anything to love like Toga. He didn't know yet he wanted friends he could trust like Twice already did. He doesn't have a strong backstory motivation like Compress, or Dabi or even knows what he wants out of society. However, the entirety of MVA is Spinner letting himself be changed because of his interaction with the group.

Spinner failed at life, his quirk is worthless and only good for sticking to walls. He also internalized the idea that he himself was a failure, and locked himself inside believing he couldn't accomplish anything on his own. Spinner says he has nothing he loves, and nothing he wants to do. Not only that he feels unloved and unwanted. However, Spinner finds something to love in Shigaraki, even if he can't find a strong sense of individualism and still believes himself to be worthless he becomes motivated to help others. Spinner, the most normal person in the group with the most worthless quirk, becomes the greatest help to Shigaraki, basically once he gets over himself and his preconceived notions of himself. Because, you don't actually have to be a special person or have a strong quirk to be a hero, you have to reach out a hand.

The same way Spinner was won over by the League, Dabi has yet to be won over. However, if that does happen, it's probably going to look like Spinner's arc. Dabi antagonizes Spinner a lot, but they actually have more in common than they do differences. They both have failure quirks, while Dabi has an overwhelming fire quirk he wasn't allowed to use, Spinner is literally just a gecko. They both also were labeled as disappointments and given up on, Enji gave up on Touya, Spinner never had any potential from the start and locked himself away in his room. However, their paths so far have been opposites, Spinner let Shigaraki reach him and became a part of the group, Dabi at every possible opportunity insists he's doing this all alone. He takes every chance he can to separate himself from others. If Dabi's arc is going to be a mirror to Shoto's arc eventually, then someone has to reach him and convince him he can't do this all on his own, and Dabi can only truly find himself when he's part of the group once more. After all, so far Dabi is the one most resistant to change. Toga's goal has changed, Shigaraki's changed, Spinner has changed, even Compress now admits that while they're just a gang of thieves that he cares more about everyone else's dreams than his own. Dabi is still nursing a ten-year grudge against Endeavor and doing everything he can to take him down on his own because he hasn't let the group in. And he won't improve or change until he does let others in.

5. Spinner and Shigaraki

I love Compress but I'm skipping over him because his arc hasn't been elaborated on yet. If you want a quick summary though, both Spinner and Compress didn't believe the group to be anything more than a gathering of selfish criminals, however, both of them changed because they wanted to see Shigaraki's dream come true. Not only was Shigaraki the one who inspired both of them to change, but also Compress is the one who first sees how close Spinner is to Shigaraki more than anyone else in the group was.

He also sacrifices himself BECAUSE he's come to realize that what he wants more than his own dreams is to see everyone else's dreams come true. I know Compress's backstory is rushed as all hell, but it almost... almost... works because Compress isn't actually doing this because he's Oji Harima's grandson. His motivation changed a long time ago, he just didn't realize it until he was about to lose the league.

There are a few more parallels, they're both dropouts. It's implied that Compress was literally just a retired and failed stage magician before he decided to become a villain. Hopefully we'll become more on that later because the idea of Compress sucking in showbiz so he decided to follow his grandfather's legacy is really awesome. Spinner was a Neet before he saw Stain on television. They also both have more minor quirks, Compress just shrinks people, Spinner sticks to things. They both also are characters who don't seem important at first, but consistently hover around in the background constantly making sure everyone in the group is okay. Compress calls to check up on people, he talks to Dabi a lot, he tries to keep up with everybody in a melee, it's the little things he does that make Compress same for Spinner. They're both cosplaying as legendary villains who are greater than they are, Stein is cosplaying his grandfather, Spinner is cosplaying Stain, but it's unknown whether Compress really cares that much about his grandfather's ideals, I think he cares about the league more. Compress and Spinner are also people who question and try to understand things, Compress lectures the kids that they had their ideals handed down to them for adult, Compress realizes Spinner's importance to Shigaraki before Spinner even did, Compress and Spinner also both try to understand other people's dreams because they're lacking in their own. Spinner doesn't even have a dream, but he's the one who listened to Shigaraki's dream first.

Now it's been directly said by canon that Spinner and Shigaraki's connection is the most developed, and they are the closest to one another. By developed I mean, it changed over time, when it started out they had almost nothing to do with one another. Spinner was just a rank and file league member that Shigaraki used on the hideout raid. They didn't even get a character introduction scene like Shigarki did with Dabi and Toga.

However, Spinner and Shigaraki's characters are extremely closely tied together. Shigaraki's like the main character of the league, his backstories parallel everyone else's, including the main character of the entire story Deku. He's the one who makes the plans, goes through training arcs, he's the one who the league unites around. However, Spinner actually has all of that too. I just spent a very long time showing how Spinner despite not having an overly complicated backstory has strong parallels to everyone in the league. If Shigaraki is the main character, then Spinner is the everyman / the perspective character, hence why he's the narrator of MVA. Shigaraki is a person of extraordinary circumstance, the symbol of society's oppression who everyone in the league deepy relates to because he's suffered the same way that they have and he accepts them. Whereas, Spinner has suffered because of Hero Society too, he's more like a normal guy who makes an effort to understand everyone around him.

However, Deku wasn't saved by his love interest, or even his childhood friend who is apparently his destined rival, he was saved by Iida trying his best to keep up with him.

Spinner and Shigaraki are both the emotional core of the league in different ways. The league all respects Shigaraki, they rally around his ideas, his dreams are what inspire everybody. However, more and more it's looking like Spinner, ordinary, average, Spinner is working to build emotional connections to everyone in a much more normal way. He talks to Toga and tries to understand her love. He even consoles Toga when twice is gone. He challenges Shigaraki directly to his face. Compress who is always sort of watching the league in the background and checking up on them in little ways notices how hard that Spinner is trying to take care of Shigaraki.

Shigaraki accepts people at their worst and gives them a place to belong, but I think by Spinner's efforts to get to know and understand others, we as an audience are shown how humanizing of a presence that Spinner is on everyone else. Spinner, just being a normal guy, brings out the fact that the rest of the league despite their extraordinary circumstances are deep down just normal people to, who want to be loved normally, and live normally. Spinner literally wakes up Shigaraki, because he remembered the one time that he opened up in front of all of them, and cares enough to try to understand Shigaraki's hurt feelings and what he cares about.

If anything from the last arc in the manga, we're shown at great length, how understanding, reaching out, it all takes effort and it's not as flashy as defeating a villain or rescuing someone from a natural disaster.

Spinner is so important to Shigaraki, because while Shigaraki has given everyone in the group a place where they can be individuals, Shigaraki hasn't realized he himself can be an individual yet. He ultimately, shares the same character flaw as Deku. It's because he's decided that he's going to carry out his dreams for the sake of the league and to create a better future for them, that Shigaraki no longer cares what happens to himself, or about his own future. Everyone talks about Dabi's suicidal nature, but this is something that Shigaraki is challenged on over and over again. What are your motivations. What are your reasons. What do you want to accomplish. He always responds with nothing. There's nothing that he wants, there's nothing worth living for, he only wants to destroy and make a better world for the people who are around him. Shigaraki is the most thoroughly dehumanized character, to the point where he just straight up accepts "god of destruction" because that is at least an identity. Shigaraki needs Spinner and his normalizing influence, because Shigaraki can't see himself as a normal person.

Shigaraki shares the same character flaw as Deku, he does everything for the sake of others, with no regard to himself, which leads to extreme bouts of self-harming and fighting alone. Shigaraki faced off against Endeavor, and basically all the heroes alone even though he did call for backup. However, even before that Shigaraki made the decision to get dangerous risky surgery that would be like hell, because he believed deep down he wasn't good enough alone. Shigaraki just does not care about himself and is unable to see himself as an individual, which is exactly why he needs someone to care for him and see him that way.

Shigaraki's greatest challenge to date is that he's been dehumanized so thoroughly, and lost sight of himself to the point where he's lost even his own body autonomy. When Shigaraki is battling for possession of his body as AFO attempts to take total control and make him into a symbol again, denying him his personhood, we're set up directly with Spinner being the one who reminds us that Shigaraki is just a person, who likes video games, and gets along with his friends. It's Spinner who notices right away that AFO is different from Shigaraki and challenges him the same way that he challenged Shigaraki directly in the My VIllain Academia arc. This is all set up most likely, for Spinner being the one to reach out a hand the same way IIDA did, because what Shigaraki needs the most right now, is not a hero who will save him, but rather a normal person who will understand him and remind him that deep down he was just a normal kid too before all of this happened. What Shigaraki is most in need of is a hand that will reach out to him, and Spinner has already done this once putting Nana's hand back on his face when he couldn't wake up, but what he's failed to realize is that it's his own scaly lizard hands that should be doing the reaching out.

#mha meta #lov meta #league of villains #league of villains meta #spinner #shigaraki #toga himiko #higuchi iguchi #shigaraki tomura #dabi #touya todoroki #twice #jin bubaigawara #compress

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duckprintspress · 3 years ago

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Ten Things We Hate About Trad Pub

Often when I say “I’ve started a small press; we publish the works of those who have trouble breaking into traditional publishing!” what people seem to hear is “me and a bunch of sad saps couldn’t sell our books in the Real World so we’ve made our own place with lower standards.” For those with minimal understanding of traditional publishing (trad pub), this reaction is perhaps understandable? But, truly, there are many things to hate about traditional publishing (and, don’t get me wrong - there are things to love about trad pub, too, but that’s not what this list is about) and it’s entirely reasonable for even highly accomplished authors to have no interest in running the gauntlet of genre restrictions, editorial control, hazing, long waits, and more, that make trad pub at best, um, challenging, and at worst, utterly inaccessible to many authors - even excellent ones.

Written in collaboration with @jhoomwrites, with input from @ramblingandpie, here is a list of ten things that we at Duck Prints Press detest about trad pub, why we hate it, and why/how we think things should be different!

(Needless to say, part of why we created Duck Prints Press was to...not do any of these things... so if you’re a writer looking for a publishing home, and you hate these things, too, and want to write with a Press that doesn’t do them...maybe come say hi?)

1. Work lengths dictated by genre and/or author experience.

Romance novels can’t be longer than 90,000 words or they won’t sell! New authors shouldn’t try to market a novel longer than 100,000 words!

A good story is a good story is a good story. Longer genre works give authors the chance to explore their themes and develop their plots. How often an author has been published shouldn’t put a cap on the length of their work.

2. Editors assert control of story events...except when they don’t.

If you don’t change this plot point, the book won’t market well. Oh, you’re a ten-time bestseller? Write whatever you want, even if it doesn’t make sense we know people will buy it.

Sometimes, a beta or an editor will point out that an aspect of a story doesn’t work - because it’s nonsensical, illogical, Deus ex Machina, etc. - and in those cases it’s of course reasonable for an editor to say, “This doesn’t work and we recommend changing it, for these reasons…” However, when that list of reasons begins and ends with, “...because it won’t sell…” that’s a problem, especially because this is so often applied as a double standard. We’ve all read bestsellers with major plot issues, but those authors get a “bye” because editors don’t want to exert to heavy a hand and risk a proven seller, but with a new, less experienced, or worse-selling author, the gloves come off (even though evidence suggests time and again that publishers’ ability to predict what will sell well is at best low and at worst nonexistent.)

3. A billion rejection letters as a required rite of passage (especially when the letters aren't helpful in pinpointing why a work has been rejected or how the author can improve).

Well, my first book was rejected by a hundred Presses before it was accepted! How many rejection letters did you get before you got a bite? What, only one or two? Oh…

How often one succeeds or fails to get published shouldn’t be treated as a form of hazing, and we all know that how often someone gets rejected or accepted has essentially no bearing on how good a writer they are. Plenty of schlock goes out into the world after being accepted on the first or second try...and so does plenty of good stuff! Likewise, plenty of schlock will get rejected 100 times but due to persistence, luck, circumstances, whatever, finally find a home, and plenty of good stuff will also get rejected 100 times before being publishing. Rejections (or lack there of) as a point of pride or as a means of judging others needs to die as a rite of passage among authors.

4. Query letters, for so many reasons.

Summarize all your hard work in a single page! Tell us who you’re like as an author and what books your story is like, so we can gauge how well it’ll sell based on two sentences about it! Format it exactly the way we say or we won’t even consider you!

For publishers, agents, and editors who have slush piles as tall as Mount Everest...we get it. There has to be a way to differentiate. We don’t blame you. Every creative writing class, NaNoWriMo pep talk, and college lit department combine to send out hundreds of thousands of people who think all they need to do to become the next Ernest Hemingway is string a sentence together. There has to be some way to sort through that pile...but God, can’t there be a better way than query letters? Especially since even with query letters being used it often takes months or years to hear back, and...

5. "Simultaneous submissions prohibited.”

No, we don’t know when we’ll get to your query, but we’ll throw it out instantly if you have the audacity to shop around while you wait for us.

The combination of “no simultaneous submissions” with the query letter bottleneck makes success slow and arduous. It disadvantages everyone who aims to write full-time but doesn’t have another income source (their own, or a parents’, or a spouse’s, or, or or). The result is that entire classes of people are edged out of publishing solely because the process, especially for writers early in their career, moves so glacially that people have to earn a living while they wait, and it’s so hard to, for example, work two jobs and raise a family and also somehow find the time to write. Especially considering that the standard advice for dealing with “no simultaneous submissions” is “just write something else while you wait!” ...the whole system screams privilege.

6. Genres are boxes that must be fit into and adhered to.

Your protagonist is 18? Then obviously your book is Young Adult. It doesn’t matter how smutty your book is, erotica books must have sex within the first three chapters, ideally in the first chapter. Sorry, we’re a fantasy publisher, if you have a technological element you don’t belong here…

While some genre boxes have been becoming more like mesh cages of late, with some flow of content allowed in and out, many remain stiff prisons that constrict the kinds of stories people can tell. Even basic cross-genre works often struggle to find a place, and there’s no reason for it beyond “if we can’t pigeon-hole a story, it’s harder to sell.” This edges out many innovative, creative works. It also disadvantages people who aren’t as familiar with genre rules. And don’t get me wrong - this isn’t an argument that, for example, the romance genre would be improved by opening up to stories that don’t have “happily ever afters.” Instead, it’s pointing out - there should also be a home for, say, a space opera with a side romance, an erotica scene, and a happily-for-now ending. Occasionally, works breakthrough, but for the most part stories that don’t conform never see the light of day (or, they do, but only after Point 2 - trad pub editors insist that the elements most “outside” the box be removed or revised).

7. The lines between romance and erotica are arbitrary, random, and hetero- and cis-normative.

This modern romance novel won’t sell if it doesn’t have an explicit sex scene, but God forbid you call a penis a penis. Oh, no, this is far too explicit, even though the book only has one mlm sex scene, this is erotica.

The difference between “romance” and “erotica” might not matter so much if not for the stigmas attached to erotica and the huge difference in marketability and audience. The difference between “romance” and “erotica” also might not matter so much if not for the fact that, so often, even incredibly raunchy stories that feature cis straight male/cis straight female sex scenes are shelved as romance, but the moment the sex is between people of the same gender, and/or a trans or genderqueer person is involved, and/or the relationship is polyamorous, and/or the characters involved are literally anything other than a cis straight male pleasuring a cis straight female in a “standard” way (cunnilingus welcome, pegging need not apply)...then the story is erotica. Two identical stories will get assigned different genres based on who the people having sex are, and also based on the “skill” of the author to use ludicrous euphemisms (instead of just...calling body parts what they’re called…), and it’s insane. Non-con can be a “romance” novel, even if it’s graphically described. “50 Shades of Gray” can sell millions of copies, even containing BDSM. But the word “vagina” gets used once...bam, erotica. (Seriously, the only standard that should matter is the Envelope Analogy).

8. Authors are expected to do a lot of their own legwork (eg advertising) but then don't reap the benefits.

Okay, so, you’re going to get an advance of $2,500 on this, your first novel, and a royalty rate of 5% if and only if your advance sells out...so you’d better get out there and market! Wait, what do you mean you don’t have a following? Guess you’re never selling out your advance…

Trad pub can generally be relied on to do some marketing - so this item is perhaps better seen as an indictment of more mid-sized Presses - but, basically, if an author has to do the majority of the work themselves, then why aren’t they getting paid more? What’s the actual benefit to going the large press/trad pub route if it’s not going to get the book into more hands? It’s especially strange that this continues to be a major issue when self-publishing (which also requires doing one’s own marketing) garners 60%+ royalty rates. Yes, the author doesn’t get an advance, and they don’t get the cache of ~well I was published by…~, but considering some Presses require parts of advances to get paid back if the initial run doesn’t sell out, and cache doesn’t put food on the table...pay models have really, really got to change.

9. Fanfiction writing doesn't count as writing experience

Hey there Basic White Dude, we see you’ve graduated summa cum laude from A Big Fancy Expensive School. Of course we’ll set you up to publish your first novel you haven’t actually quite finished writing yet. Oh, Fanperson, you’ve written 15 novels for your favorite fandom in the last 4 years? Get to the back of the line!

Do I really need to explain this? The only way to get better at writing is to write. Placing fanfiction on official trad pub “do not interact” lists is idiotic, especially considering many of the other items on this list. (They know how to engage readers! They have existing followings! They understand genre and tropes!) Being a fanfiction writer should absolutely be a marketable “I am a writer” skill. Nuff said. (To be clear, I’m not saying publishers should publish fanfiction, I’m saying that being a fanfiction writer is relevant and important experience that should be given weight when considering an author’s qualifications, similar to, say, publishing in a university’s quarterly.)

10. Tagging conventions (read: lack thereof).

Oh, did I trigger you? Hahahaha. Good luck with that.

We rate movies so that people can avoid content they don’t like. Same with TV shows and video games. Increasingly, those ratings aren’t just “R - adult audiences,” either; they contain information about the nature of the story elements that have led to the rating (“blood and gore,” “alcohol reference,” “cartoon violence,” “drug reference,” “sexual violence,” “use of tobacco,” and many, many more). So why is it that I can read a book and, without warning, be surprised by incest, rape, graphic violence, explicit language, glorification of drug and alcohol use, and so so much more? That it’s left to readers to look up spoilers to ensure that they’re not exposed to content that could be upsetting or inappropriate for their children or, or, or, is insane. So often, too, authors cling to “but we don’t want to give away our story,” as if video game makes and other media makers do want to give away their stories. This shouldn’t be about author egos or ~originality~ (as if that’s even a thing)...it should be about helping readers make informed purchasing decisions. It’s way, way past time that major market books include content warnings.

Thank you for joining us, this has been our extended rant about how frustrated we are with traditional publishing. Helpful? No. Cathartic? Most definitely yes. 🤣

Have a question about writing? Drop us an ask!

Like what we do and want to support us? You can buy us a ko-fi - or get access to exclusive content by backing us on Patreon!

#duck prints press #original content #writing advice #sort of

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thesoleilla · 2 years ago

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Working for a sugar-addict|A Coffee shop themed Ranpo x gn!Reader Multi-chapter fanfic

No warnings, just fluff with a bit of angst at times Chapter 0 (prologue ig) : Unemployed

Aaand the last one rejected you as well.

This was the last cooking school that didn't reject you in all of Japan but I guess it didn't want to make an exception, after all your ability probably seemed like such a big threat to them that they didn't even want to try and read your appliance, just the sight of your name was enough to make them throw your appliance into the "declined-and-we-don't-even-care-enough-to-reply" category.

Why was that?

Well you did get enrolled on the first try but got expelled when the word about your ability spread around

"Did you know about Y/N?"

"Yea, I think they can basically cook anything just with their ability, they really don't deserve to be here"

"Oh I didn't think their ability was that strong! God if they don't expell Y/N then our diploma won't mean anything because we'll be in the same ranks as them!"

Yup the rumors tended to spiral pretty quickly there because soon after that you got expelled and none of the other schools wanted to enroll you. But your ability wasn't even that strong actually, you could just see how and with what the food you tasted was made! It was not like recreating it was given to you! You just saw it! It was literally nothing more than that! Eugh why couldn't they just understand... yea these fools almost made you want to stop cooking. Your gift was starting to look more like a curse than a blessing in your eyes.

Well, it started being like that ever since you were born so it's more like it was ending actually... no it wasn't even nearing its end at all.

But anyways you were giving up on actually getting a diploma so you used the little amount of money you had left to rent a small apartment in Yokohama, just hoping to randomly find a job because you were desperate and it couldn't be that hard right?

Well, you were wrong. Because you spent a whole week just searching the whole city for a job every day and ending up crying about it at the Café near your place, wanting to give up on having a job and money to live... which is a very stable life if you ask me.

But your life was about to become way less stable just because of a single offer.

A job offer.

And it was from the one place you didn't even consider applying to, after all the job would require cooking! They'd throw you out as soon as they learned about your ability! Plus, you didn't have any diploma; even worse yet you failed at getting one!

But the Café Uzumaki wanted to have you try and apply for a job there, so why not? Besides, the atmosphere there was nice and the workers seemed nice too soo... okay you thought working there would be a total delight and were just scared of not being taken and then becoming reallyyy embarassed, too much to even go back there!

However, the owner asked you to try with such a serious look... that you decided to try. Just this once. One last time! Except, you didn't want to tell him about your ability.. Just imagining it made you feel dizzy!

Yet did you really have to tell him... after all why was that information important! He'll show you the recipes anyways so... no you weren't trying to find excuses... not at all! This was just rational thinking! Hm hm!

"So, Y/N are you taking my offer?" He said, making you come back to reality.

"Of course! I'd love to try" you answered, excitement filling your voice at the thought of working here, this could be great!

So he took you to the kitchen and explained how to do one of the recipes for you to try but you.. didn't really listen since your brain decided you'd rely on your ability for this... ugh you didn't want to have to use your power yet here you were just because your brain went dumb.Well that wasn't a very good start!

You finally made the recipe and, lets just say he was happy with it; actually he even looked rather impressed, however what he said and the look he gave you afterwards was enough to send shivers down your spine.

"Y/N, don't you have something to share with me? Like for example... an ability?"

Uh oh... well you definetely couldn't hide it

"I... I do I can see how anything I taste was made. But thats it! It's not anything more than that I promise!"

"I'll give you a one-week trial. Do your best. You'll start tomorrow with the opening shift at 5 but be there at least 30 minutes early."

You were almost crying tears of joy. This was it. You had a job. For at least a whole week.

"I'll be there sir!" You said, running out of the café.

And that's when everything started going downhill.

Next chapter: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/thesoleilla/691967290079657984?source=share

#bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd #ranpo x you #ranpo x y/n #ranpo fluff #ranpo edogawa #bsd rampo #bsd edogawa rampo #bsd x reader #bsd fluff #bsd fic #bsd multi-chapter #multi-chapter #coffee shop #ranpo x gn!reader #gn reader

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sepublic · 4 years ago

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The Golden Guard: Eda’s Dark Parallel?

Does anyone else think that the Golden Guard actually reminds Lilith a LOT of Eda, specifically Eda as a kid, during the good old days before she got cursed?

Think about it… They’re both sassy, hot-headed teen prodigies with an owl motif and yellow attire. And the way Lilith angrily talks about the Golden Guard, it seems her feelings of resentment mirror how she felt towards Eda back when they were kids? Lilith, who was by-the-book and traditional, worked so hard… And then there’s this younger person with an Owl motif who just swoops in out of nowhere and through talent, completely outclasses her!

If you go with the idea that Lilith wanted Gwendolyn’s approval and had to compete with Eda over that… Then for all we know, maybe Lilith lowkey wanted Belos’ approval as well, but felt like she was being cheated out of that with the Golden Guard, who kept stealing the spotlight from her!

Like she was afraid he’d take her spot as head of the Emperor’s Coven, the way Lilith feared that Eda would win the initiation duel back when they were kids… And lo and behold, the Golden Guard DID take that! Granted Lilith left an obvious vacancy from her own betrayal of Belos so of course he took that spot, but still; It’s quite a sore spot.

In some ways, perhaps Lilith is aware of this, deep-down or not; She might see the Golden Guard as just Young Eda, but without any of the emotional connection, nor any redeeming qualities; If he does have them, again, it’s not like Lilith knows the Golden Guard well enough to know these traits, much less take them into account.

LOTS of text and speculation and analyses below!!!

The Golden Guard is even sixteen years old… Which, is very likely EDA’s age, back when her and Lilith competed for the Emperor’s Coven! That can take on a whole new, dark meaning for her…

Perhaps Lilith is low-key disturbed by the Golden Guard’s existence, because he reminds her too much of Young Eda? Eda, before she was cursed- So it’s like the memory of her is coming back to haunt Lilith, in the form of someone who has no concern for Lilith whatsoever to hold him back, unlike the actual Eda.

And in a way, it’s a horrible reminder that some things never change, that some things stay the same and Lilith can’t get past them, she can’t outgrow it like she thought she did; Because even now, even as head of the Emperor’s Coven, there’s still a 16-year-old prodigy with an owl motif and yellow attire, who is sassy and playful and mischievous, who threatens to upstage Lilith’s self-esteem and sense of power. Somebody Lilith is afraid of; Thirty years later, and she STILL has to deal with this kind of person in her life, but it’s worse because she’s actually older and should be better, yet somehow isn’t…

Who knows? Maybe Lilith even recognized the similarities to Eda, enough to actually be sympathetic to the Golden Guard at first? Perhaps she, on some level, saw the Golden Guard as a way to vicariously redo her past with Eda, but without the mistakes… Maybe she tried to be nice to the Golden Guard, but then he quickly turned out to be a snob, he’s not REALLY Eda; So Lilith settled on never cursing him like she did Eda, but then otherwise decided that she didn’t owe him any love and could just quietly loathe his guts.

Lilith failed Eda in part because she was an older sister who abandoned her in a time of need, but there’s not really that expectation with the Golden Guard, so why bother? She’s got enough on her plate as is, and an ACTUAL Eda to worry about, to look after, to be concerned for and patch things up with.

I’ve even seen people make the very good point that in a lot of ways… The Golden Guard is like a Dark Eda? In the sense that, he’s Eda, had she joined the Emperor’s Coven as a kid. He’s a look at Young Eda, if she didn’t reject the Coven System, and joined Belos- Reveling in her own talent and power as granting her ‘special treatment’ over the rest, so any downsides to the coven system weren’t HER problem anyway!

Again, this adds another layer to the Golden Guard being very reminiscent of Young Eda, and even current Eda as well… Except, he never lost his magic and was never cursed. Maybe that’s another thing he unknowingly haunts Lilith over; He’s lowkey a reminder of what Eda could’ve been, had Lilith not been selfish and a coward, or had she communicated better. Yet at the same time, he’s frustrating- Because the Golden Guard is like the worst parts of Eda, the parts that Lilith hated and made her resentful…

And this constant reminder of the past, of her own issues with Eda back then that culminated in the curse- It could’ve made it a LOT harder for Lilith to really resolve things with Eda, because this kid keeps reminding her why she was so angry, and it’s impossible for her to move on because the Golden Guard isn’t some distant memory, but an actual person who continues to threaten her, the way Eda had…

And of course, the Golden Guard reminds Lilith of the Eda she lost; The happy, carefree Eda who wasn’t cursed, the Eda she could’ve had in a sense. The Eda that Lilith in some ways wanted, yet is forced to confront and acknowledge is a very obnoxious and terrible person that makes her unhappy…

And this kind of rude reminder that the Eda that Lilith wanted would’ve continued to make her miserable, if not moreso, is not something she appreciates shattering her dreams and low-key denial, of a world where things had just been a little different.

The person you’re trying to get, maybe get BACK, wasn’t so great after all- So you just have to move on, and be glad for the Eda who IS happier with her life and more mature, despite being older and more cursed. You gotta move past your guilt Lilith, and realize that Eda is in a better place- Not that she ever needed the curse, but she doesn’t quite need saving from the parts of her life she actually chose for herself, in part to be kind to Lilith no less! Because I bet Lilith believes that deep down, she didn’t deserve Eda’s kindness, so she wishes to reverse that compassionate decision of Eda’s that only resulted in Eda suffering because of how terrible Lily secretly is.

But, back to the subject; There’s more similarities to Eda and the Golden Guard, especially at the end of Separate Tides; How he makes an ominous warning before casually, happily yelling “BYYEEEE!!!”, just like Eda when she warns Luz about trying to have a Moonlight Conjuring in Hooty’s Moving Hassle, before heading off to the Night Market. His widow’s peak even bears a decent resemblance to Eda’s, doesn’t it? Which…

Combined with all of the talk about bird motifs being a Clawthorne thing, it DOES raise many questions about the Golden Guard’s potential connection to Eda. Is he some long-lost son? A third child that Gwendolyn had later in life, because witch biology might allow them to do that? Some homunculus, crafted from bits of DNA from Eda, and maybe even Belos? Belos does seem weirdly fond and trusting of him, the two are placed together in the Season 2 outro when nobody else, not even Kikimora, is there; And of course, the Golden Guard wields a staff, red magic, and fleshy creations, VERY similar to Belos…

I can’t say for sure- But the idea of the Golden Guard as an alternate Eda is fascinating. An Eda who became completely arrogant, and didn’t stop to care about others; Her cockiness and mischief becoming cruel and obnoxious, essentially the worst parts of Eda, down the path she’d always dreaded. A look into another life, a different choice in such a pivotal part of her past… Personally, I LOVE this kind of dark parallel of a character, so I’m hoping these similarities are commented upon in-universe, assuming they’re not outright literal!

In a way, the Golden Guard could haunt Eda, because he reminds her of herself… Of her carefree youth, but what she could’ve had… But also, the terrible things she’d done. And obviously Eda despises the coven system too much to really change her mind, and it’s safe to say that the Golden Guard is not at all what she wanted to ever become… But still, it’s a neat bit of character writing and parallelism. If Belos is like a Dark Luz, what Luz could’ve been had she not grown… And the same could apply between King and Kikimora;

Then who knows? The Golden Guard could be a Dark Eda, who got by talent and continued to take things for granted. An Eda who swore loyalty to Belos and was embraced by the emperor for her skill and ability. Jovial and cheery, but without any of the actual compassion that makes this genuine with Eda. An immature brat who never grew up (granted he’s only sixteen and hasn’t gotten the chance), unlike Eda. And if the Golden Guard is an alternate Eda;

It’s fascinating how his roles are reversed with his alternate Luz… The Eda parallel is younger than the Luz parallel, learning from them, and taking after their motifs as well! But I guess it’s not all too surprising, with how Eda and Luz both learn from one another, though I suspect Belos and the Golden Guard aren’t as mutual, but who knows?

It does make you wonder about Kikimora and King as potential mediators between these duos, whose placement remains consistent… How does Kikimora, the King parallel, interact with her Luz and Eda? Did she become close friends with HER Luz, while, as Dana’s art suggests, she seems somewhat irritated by and resentful of her own Eda? So it’s like Eda and King never grew to be friends and conquer differences… As well as if King never grew to respect Luz and saw her as just a “f*cking nerd”?

With how Luz is taking after Eda, and possibly getting a Cardinal palisman to complete the Clawthorne motif as a new member of the family… Who knows? The Golden Guard could be an intriguing character for her to bounce off of narratively, maybe as someone Luz might have, in another universe, learned to look up to and admire? How well Luz’s relationship be with the Golden Guard, if they are a Dark Eda? And how can this indirectly show us about how Luz and Young Eda would’ve interacted, what Young Eda was like, what Lilith went through as a kid…

And, for all we know- The Golden Guard’s owl motif doesn’t hint at a pre-existing connection to the Clawthornes, but rather a future one… Maybe he’ll end up being adopted by Eda, the way Luz was? I’d love to see the Golden Guard become an evil older sibling who’s protective of Luz…

I ADORE that trope to death; Evil older brother with bright, younger sister, whom he cares about, and the sister cares for him too, even if it’s complicated because the sister believes in the brother to be better, while the brother doesn’t want to be better, or is at least reluctant about having to change…

I’d love to see another Hugo and Kipo dynamic, and actually… If the Golden Guard parallels Eda, then who’s his Lilith? Could it be Luz herself? I’ve talked before the similarities between Luz and Lilith, as kids who were bullied and struggled with a lack of talent, but made up for it with hard work and ingenuity; They’ll give you a lot of trouble for doing the right thing, but then happily leap at the opportunity if they think someone is improving.

And, as Separate Tides has also shown us; They both grapple with guilt over making Eda suffer, unintentionally to varying degrees. Luz and Lilith both learn that they’re not a burden and that it’s okay to ask for help, and come to terms with their guilt with Eda… If Belos and the Golden Guard are Luz and Eda reversed, then could Luz and the Golden Guard also be Lilith and Luz, reversed?

With the Eda parallel being the older sibling in this scenario… An alternate timeline where Eda and Lilith were the same people, but switched places in birth, and it was EDA who ended up being the cruel and toxic sibling who left the younger feeling demeaned and worthless. I imagine if that were the case, the Golden Guard’s toxicity would occur largely in the beginning, as he acts adversarial to Luz and mocks her, taunts her over Eda’s loss of magic, and her own glyphs no doubt; The Golden Guard doesn’t seem to acknowledge glyphs as a valid form of magic himself.

But then, if he were to get a redemption, the Golden Guard’s tune might change as he matures and learns to treat Luz more kindly… In a way mimicking how Eda really grew to care for Luz, but also the way Eda has begun to reconnect with Lilith, except with the Golden Guard as the one with the baggage and guilt.

And, a redemption might not be too implausible, because… He is literally only sixteen, the same age as Emira and Edric, and likely the same age as Eda when SHE was cursed. Younger than Lilith, when she made the worst mistake of her life, because she didn’t understand the coven system for what it truly was –and who could blame her?- and was grappling with a likely terrible mother in Gwendolyn… The Golden Guard is literally a minor, and possibly an overworked teen prodigy.

After all, the first glimpse of his personality Dana gave us, way back in 2020, was of the Golden Guard admitting that he was tired; And despite his usually cheery personality, all of our glimpses at his face behind the mask (symbolism!) have had him look likely serious and glum… But then again, we don’t see the lower half of his face, so who knows?

Perhaps the Golden Guard is abused and overworked by Belos, kind of like Amity with her parents… The Golden Guard is a child dealing with a very toxic influence, and a huge burden of responsibility no less. And with all the potential connections to Belos as maybe even a literal father, or at least a parental figure, it’s not hard to see why the Golden Guard would turn out so messed up. And the Golden Guard being ‘tired’ could be a connection to how Eda is left exhausted from her curse, too.

So, who knows? Because of his age, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect, or at least hope, for a redemption for this kiddo. But a recent sister show to The Owl House has taught me anything, kids aren’t free from death, and Infinity Train made it clear that you can humanize and sympathize and mourn someone who deserved better, yet ultimately dug their grave and was condemned to a sudden death because of that; All because they didn’t know any better, and really couldn’t have.

And on another note- Maybe the Golden Guard has owl motifs like Eda… Because in a lot of ways, he actually admires her? He admires the Owl Lady, or at least the certain ‘past’ version that others such as Lilith may have brought up… Maybe the Golden Guard seeks to supplant Eda the Owl Lady as The Most Powerful Witch in the Boiling Isles. Maybe he sees himself as Eda, but better, and this rebellious, hot-headed kid feels the need to prove himself by defeating someone he sees himself in.

Maybe the Golden Guard is like Lilith, as someone who wishes Eda could’ve joined the coven system, and he’s disappointed in how all her talent was ‘wasted’ on other things. Maybe the Golden Guard was disappointed in Eda losing her magic, losing further respect for his ‘problematic idol’, and/or he felt some validation and vindication in being a successor to Eda.

Does he hold some grudge? Did the Owl Lady’s power excite him, give the Golden Guard a goal to recklessly challenge and defeat, so he can experience the thrill of victory and add to this feeling of invincibility that teenagers, especially the talented ones, have?

Eda as a kid, and even now, has always been fond of spiting what others say she can’t do, or setting new precedents and accomplishments to prove herself. Maybe the Golden Guard is like that, and hopes to take on the onus of outdoing the Owl Lady; Perhaps he admires Eda, and wishes she could’ve joined a coven like him. As an outside admirer, he mourns Eda’s ‘potential’ in a way similar to Lilith, but different; Because he’s a kid who looks up to her, and not an older sibling that has an actual childhood with Eda. If so, then that’s another dark parallel to Luz;

After all, Luz got frustrated by Eda in Adventures in the Elements. So maybe the Golden Guard is someone who grew resentful of Eda for not living up to the legend he hoped, the image he wanted, sort of like Lilith! I’ll go out on a limb and even suggest him as a past apprentice, who unlike Luz, never learned to be patient and appreciate Eda’s teachings, so he turned to the coven system and Belos for easy gratification. He didn’t want to be challenged… And in that way, the Golden Guard could parallel my speculation on Belos, as also a Dark Luz.

So of course, it makes sense that Belos would recognize this same dilemma in the Golden Guard, and perhaps be sympathetic and take him under his wing for it. Eda might not recognize the Golden Guard because he’s changed a bit himself, is hiding his own identity –Lilith doesn’t seem to know much about the witch beneath the mask either, just the public image and façade- and Eda’s been having memory issues. Maybe this will add to the Golden Guard’s resentment, who knows? He really might just be a rebellious teen who Eda failed, unlike with Luz… And that could add to more envy, perhaps.

At the very least; Dana’s fondness for the Golden Guard takes on a whole new meaning… What with how Eda is pretty much one of, if not THE most favorite character of hers, the one who really jumpstarted this entire show and world to begin with… Having this other character she likes essentially be a canon AU version of that beloved creation, would certainly make a lot of sense! Dana likes Eda, she likes to show us about Young Eda; So a character who IS Young Eda, just on a different path, would likely appeal to her. We’ll see…

I think it’s worth noting that in her art of the Golden Guard, it depicts him as essentially a normal, lazy teenager who’s asking someone else to do his chore for him, while he lounges around to do something else. I could see a young Eda as occasionally fulfilling that role and asking her older sister Lily for a favor- And maybe this could allude to the Golden Guard being frequently exhausted from being overworked himself, hence “I’m tired” and wanting to extend his breaks as much as possible. We’ll just have to wait and see…

#the owl house #the owl house golden guard #the golden guard #the owl house the golden guard #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #the owl house belos #emperor belos #speculation #theory #analysis #essay #the owl house hunter

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defcliff0rd · 4 years ago

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Worth the Wait // Luke Hemmings (Smut)

author’s note: okay so the beginning of this had potential but that was kayla circa like four years ago and she’s different and she also for some reason decided to start this in present tense so that’s frustrating lmao but i don’t feel like rewriting this entire thing, so i’m not making any promises that this is my best work ever but it’s one less thing cluttering my drafts!!

warning: it’s smut ok

word count: 4,934

Luke never really wanted to be in a fraternity. He excelled in math (something that came naturally to him, regardless of the fact that his mother was a calculus teacher), wasn't really a partier (he’d had a very low tolerance of alcohol and quickly learned drinking in public was an embarrassing mistake) and spent his weekends throughout high school jamming in Calum's garage with him and Michael, fantasizing about them making it big and playing arenas. That's all he’s ever really wanted to do: play music.

His parents wouldn't accept that he wanted to skip out on college. They were supportive of what he wanted to do but even taking a leap year was unheard of in his family, so he applied to Berklee, hoping to major in music. It nearly tore him apart when he got rejected, having to settle for the state university and major in accounting because the only other thing he was good at was working with numbers. His brothers and most of the men in his family had been apart of the same fraternity in their time in college so it was only natural for Luke to be pushed to do the same. Ashton, the president, immediately took a liking to the blonde boy and, although it didn't save him from all the hazing, Luke was treated more than just a pledge (being a "legend" or something like that.)

Surprisingly, Luke quickly fell into frat life. He’d always been a natural with girls and he miraculously built the tolerance to be able to keep up with the boys during the parties. He won beer pong and he was polite with every girl that approached him, even flirting with them, but he never slept with them. He had a serious girlfriend most of his high school time and he tried the casual dating thing afterward but he quickly found that it wasn't for him. He wanted someone who he could call if he was feeling like shit or if he just wanted to talk about his day. he wanted someone to hold hands with and cuddle with and someone to listen to his problems and vice versa.

That's why it came as such a shock when he started seeing you.

You attended the same high school as Luke and you both knew of each other, even though you ran in completely different circles. You’d always coined Luke as the “golden boy”, being well-liked and smart. He wasn’t super popular but anybody that knew him, liked him. You went a little under the radar in high school, just wanting to get out of that hellhole. When you decided to stick around and begin your art degree at the state university, you’d decided that you’d make the most of it.

in short, you became known as a "campus slut". it started your freshman year, when you slept with one of the boys in some frat (that you didn't care to know the name of, honestly). All you knew was that he was the president and his house threw amazing parties with plenty of alcohol and cute boys to choose from. They were far too easy; all you had to do was bat your eyelashes and they were leading you to their room. You stayed for the night and left before they woke the next morning, almost every weekend. It didn't take long for word to get around and, honestly, you didn't care. You were having fun. it wasn't as if you had some tragic backstory - you were a very loved child and your parents had a marriage you looked up to - and you definitely wanted to get married someday, just not anytime soon. There was time for having breakfast together and getting to know someone when you get out of college.

You didn't usually continuously sleep with the same guy but you seemed to have a soft spot for frat presidents and an even softer spot for the boy with curly blonde hair and dimples that blinded you. Ashton had made it very clear that, though the two of you had casual sex, it was just that: sex. It didn't matter that you cuddled afterward and it didn't matter that he let you stay the night and even brought you coffee the next morning. You both had an understanding: he only felt sexual feelings for you and the same for him. No real feelings.

Even with that knowledge - even with the fact that you truly had no romantic feelings for him - his confession still made your stomach flip. "Who is she?" you ask, tugging at the frayed ends of his t-shirt hanging loosely on his body.

You want to look away but the soft smile on his lips and fond twinkle in his beautiful eyes made your heart melt. "Her name's Hailey," he admits. "She's in my psych class and I don't know how it happened or if she's even into me but, uh-" he scratches the back of his head, a bashful look on his face. "I was laying awake last night after you fell asleep and I realized that my feelings for her aren't just attraction."

Smiling, you nod. "I'm happy for you, Ash," you tell him and your wish is sincere. You were just a little sad you wouldn't get to hang out with him anymore.

As usual, it’s almost as if he can read your thoughts. "Hey, this doesn't mean I never wanna see you again," he promises. "As weird as it sounds, you've sort of become one of my best friends. I don't wanna lose that."

You let out a relieved laugh. "Don't worry, I'll still kick your ass at Mario Kart anytime you want," you assure.

He laughs and it falls silent afterward. He finally leans over and kisses your forehead softly. "I hope you find happiness, Y/N," he says quietly. "You deserve someone, you're not what everybody says you are."

You laugh. "I know." Their words never got to you anyway. "Speaking of psych class, aren't you gonna be late?"

He shrugs. "It's fine, I don't want you walking back to your dorm by yourself," he says.

"It's broad daylight, Ashton."

“So?"

"C'mon, you gotta get to class and ask Hailey out!" you all but demand.

Ashton laughs, standing up. “Fine," he concedes, picking up his denim book bag. "Luke and Marcus should still be here, they don't have class ‘til later. Have one of them walk you, yeah?"

"Sure, sure," you wave off. "I’m gonna borrow some sweatpants probably."

"See you later," he bids. You hear him walk down the stairs before saying something to someone, then the door slams shut behind him. You sigh, falling back onto his bed. There was no denying that you'd miss this but you felt happy for him. Ashton was the sweetest guy you'd ever known and it always astounded you why he wasn't in a relationship. He never struck you as the hookups only type of guy but, hey, it's college, right?

You finally get up and pull on your shoes, not intending for Ash to ever get his sweatpants or shirt back. You grab your book bag and then venture downstairs and into the kitchen, where you find Luke clad in only his boxers as he sat on the bar stool, one hand shoveling cereal into his mouth with an unnecessarily large spoon and the other scrolling through his phone.

Luke Hemmings had definitely changed over the few short years he’d been attending university – looks wise, at least. He’d grown out his hair, his curls prominent, and he’d manage to grow facial hair. He’d ditched the snapbacks and lip ring he wore in school, too, opting for a look that seemed effortless but put together. You found him cute with his ripped band tees but the loose button up shirt and rings that adorned his fingers the first time you saw him at the beginning of the year seemed to work much, much better for him.

Luckily you’re able to pull yourself from your trance before Luke notices you staring, too busy attempting to fit more cereal into his mouth than he could. It results in milk and cereal falling down his chin, splattering on the counter. “Fucking hell,” he mutters, grabbing way too many paper towels to clean himself off.

“I don’t mean to interrupt your busy morning but Ash promised you’d walk me to my dorm?”

“Jesus fucking-“ he exclaims, nearly toppling off of his stool if it weren’t for the tight grip he had on the edge of the counter. The mildly annoyed look on his face dropped when he sees you, his blue eyes nearly popping out of his head. “Oh, shit. Sorry, yeah, I was just-“

“Eating your food like it’s the last meal you’ll ever have on this earth?” you guess.

His cheeks darken just barely, running his fingers through his hair. “I just really like Cocoa Puffs,” he responds, visibly cringing after the words left his mouth. He shakes his head, seemingly trying to shake himself off. “Give me five minutes, yeah?”

Luke reemerges in less than four minutes, wearing his usual black skinny jeans and a grey t-shirt with a black and blue flannel thrown over it, the sleeves messily rolled up to just below his elbows. “Did you want some?” you inquire, putting the top on one of the Styrofoam coffee cups they kept in the house.

He smiles, shaking his head. “I’m good, thank you,” he replies. “You ready to go?”

That was almost three months ago. He walked you to your dorm, politely declining your invite to come inside, asking for your number instead. The two of you began hanging out after that and it surprised you when that’s all you did at first. When you came over to the house or when you would both be in a secluded corner of the library to study or he came over to your dorm… he never made a move. It took you making the first move and even then, he stopped it before it led to anything serious.

It became similar to what you had with Ashton but completely different at the same time. It was more than just a physical thing but with Luke, it was more without the physical connection. That alone told you that there was something there but you didn’t bother trying to dissect it, figuring that it was because you and Luke fit together so well as people.

It’s Thursday night and neither of you had classes early the next morning, which meant that it was sleepover night. Normally you would stay at his house, kicking his roommate Calum out for the night because your dorm mate hated being kept up, but she was gone all weekend so you chose your dorm because it was swarming with horny, air-headed guys.

“This movie sucks,” Luke grumbles, his chin perched on the arm that was resting on your desk.

You chuckle, carefully applying the bright red nail polish to his fingernails. “That’s because it’s the newest Bring It On movie, it’s not supposed to be good,” you answer. “It’s still better than Sharknado.”

He scoffs, brushing off the pointed look you give him when he moves his hand, almost messing up your work. “I don’t think you’re actually giving it a chance,” he defends. “Like, yes, obviously it’s a shitty movie, but it’s good shitty. It knows how stupid and absurd it is and that’s what makes it so good. Like Scary Movie.”

You twist your nose in disgust at his comparison as you tighten the cap on the nail polish. “Do not even try to compare the two,” you warn. You watch him try to blow away the pieces of hair that had fallen onto his forehead, too short to stay inside the hair tie, before you reach over and push it out of the way for him. “Those movies were actually good. A shark tornado isn’t.”

Luke rolls his eyes, watching as you began to clean off your bed. Books are sprawled all over it, the studying that was started earlier interrupted by Luke’s proclamation of “bad movie time”. You can feel his eyes on you, the cut up t-shirt you stole from him and the yoga shorts you wore leaving little to the imagination. You only grin and continue moving, subtly emphasizing the way you bent over.

That’s what you didn’t understand. Luke’s eyes would constantly linger on you and he’d constantly be touching you, always holding your hand or giving you little kisses on your temple or neck. In private, he’d have his hands all over you and making out with you as if it’d be the last time. But any time you would attempt to take off his pants, he’d stop you. You knew he wanted you, you just couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t take you.

Luke groans, throwing himself onto your small bed, half of his body on top of yours. “Are they dry?” you ask, looking at the arm that was thrown over your body.

He chuckles, burying his face into your neck. “I made sure they were, darling, calm down,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against your skin. “I would never mess up your work.”

Grinning, you pull the hair tie out of his hair and put it around your wrist, ignoring his warnings that you ‘better not steal my hair tie again’. You begin running your fingers through his hair, twirling a curl around your finger. He hums in content, lazily pressing his lips to your neck in appreciation. Goosebumps spread over your body as his hand pushes up the bottom of your shirt, his fingertips dancing lightly along the bare skin on your side. He keeps it PG though, never going too high or too low.

“Why don’t you want me?” The words come out before you could stop them. You almost regret them, blood rushing to your cheeks, but it was something that had been eating at you ever since you began hanging out with Luke. It wasn’t like you needed sex – that would just be an added bonus with him – but the thought that he had no interest plagued your mind constantly. You were sure of your feelings for him and it terrified you that he didn’t feel that same way. You also didn’t want to be hoping for something that would never happen.

His fingers stop, lifting his head to look at you in confusion. “What?” he asks, laughing slightly.

You know his laugh wasn’t mean in a negative way but it still irks you. Rolling your eyes, you push your hair behind your ear and shake your head. “Nothing, forget it,” you mumble.

“Hey,” he says gently, sitting up to let a foot rest on the floor. His body is still turned toward you, his palm resting on your thigh innocently. “What are you talking about?”

Here goes nothing. “I-I’m practically throwing myself at you constantly, Luke. And you blow me off every single time,” you start. “Is it, um, is it because of what people say about me? I mean, not just what they say, but the-the fact it’s true?” Because I’ve slept with almost half of the guys in your house, are the words that you swallow.

He looks baffled at first, as if he wasn’t sure if you're being serious, and then any amusement drops from his face. “Y/N, no,” he tells you. “No, no that’s not it. How could you seriously think that I don’t want you?”

“We’ve been hanging out for months now and… I don’t know,” you attempt to explain but you can’t seem to find the right words. “I’ve never felt this way, okay? I’ve never had to be so stressed about what a boy thinks about me, much less whether or not he likes me back. And you’re so… so confusing.”

“Confusing?” he echoes, laughing in what sounded like relief.

Rolling your eyes, you push his hand off of you leg. “Don’t laugh, it’s not funny!” you scold. “It’s been stressful, actually.”

“No, baby, I’m not laughing because of that,” he assures you. He gently grips your legs, pulling you down the bed until your head rests on the pillow and he’s hovering above you, his torso between your legs. He holds himself up on his elbow, his fingers mindlessly playing with your hair. He seems to be focusing more on your face, his eyes taking in every detail of your face. “Calum has been telling me that I’ve been so transparent. His exact words were actually, ‘you’re being an obvious, pathetic prick’.”

“Transparent?” you ask, your eyes wide.

“I like you too, you idiot.”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you look at him in confusion. “Then why won’t you sleep with me?” How can he claim that he likes you too when he doesn’t even want to touch you?

His rests his free hand on your cheek, his eyes following his own movements as he brushes his thumb against your bottom lip. “You were always talking about how you just wanted to have fun throughout college, save all that serious stuff for when you’re older. And I’ve liked you since Ashton first started having you over and then when we started hanging out, it only intensified. But I’m not… I’m not really someone who can just sleep with whoever. Not that it’s a bad thing if you do, I just… it’s not me.” He laughs lightly, shaking his head. “I wanted to make sure that you knew you had feelings for me before we had that best sex of your life.”

“Best sex of my life? Yeah?”

Luke laughs, his tongue poking out to wet his lips. “Yeah,” he murmurs, before pressing his lips against yours. It starts off slow, all the feelings he’s left unspoken for the last few months pouring into the kiss. Your fingers find their way to his hair, trying to pull him even closer. He moves his hand down to your waist, his tongue finding yours as soon as your lips part. The little noise he makes in the back of his throat made your stomach flip.

Your hand moves to grasp his, moving it so that it was resting on your boob. He takes the hint immediately, his lips moving along your jaw while his thumb brushes against your already hardened nipple through the thin fabric. Letting out a small whine, your legs tighten against his hips. “You alright, sweetheart?” he muses quietly into your ear, his teeth tugging on your earlobe.

“Great,” you breathe out as his hand moved underneath the shirt, his fingers immediately twisting and tugging at your nipple. “Be better if we were naked though.”

He chuckles, pressing his lips to yours quickly before pulling away and tugging at the bottom of your shirt. “I’m already halfway there,” he says, his attire consisting of only a pair of joggers. “You’re the one that needs to catch up.”

Smirking, you lean up and yank your shirt off, tossing it somewhere in the room. He matches your grin leaning down to press a chaste kiss to the column of your throat. “I don’t think you realize exactly how much self-control it’s taken me to keep turning you away,” he points out. “To have you right there, nearly begging for me to fuck you.”

You gasp as he just barely pokes his tongue out to wet your nipple, the cold air afterward only adding to the experience. He finally takes your other nipple in his mouth, sucking gently. A moan leaves your lips when you feel his tongue scrape against the sensitive skin only to smooth it over with his tongue. “Luke,” you breathe.

He doesn’t forget about your other nipple, still constantly tugging at it with is fingers. His lips make a popping noise as he releases your nipple, his lips crashing against yours. You feel him against you, his boner straining through the thin confinements of his sweatpants. He groans when you lift your hips to meet his, his lips falling away from yours as forehead rests against yours. “Fuck, Y/N,” he breathes. “I’ve already lost most of my self-control, you gotta be careful.”

You smirk, the whiny undertone of his voice indicating his honesty. “We’ve both been waiting for months,” you whisper, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “How much longer are you gonna make us wait?”

He laughs lightly, returning the kiss before scooting down the bed, his fingers curling around the cloth of your shorts and underwear, pulling both down as quickly as possible. “Gonna make it so worth it, though,” he mutters, his arms curling around your spread out thighs as he leans down.

“Luke, oh God,” you whimper, the feeling of his breath on your clit almost enough to make you unravel.

He begins to leave sloppy kisses along the inside of both of your thighs, lingering at the last one, sure to leave a mark. “I haven’t even touched you,” he muses, noting how wet you are.

Before you can even shoot anything back at him, he leans forward to lick you from bottom to top, his tongue flat against you. Your fingers grip the pillowcase and your legs automatically go to shut but his hands stop you, gripping tightly. “So responsive,” he utters, his voice thick with arousal.

“I-I don’t need this,” you tell him. “I just want you inside me already.”

He ignores you, one hand leaving your thigh to lightly brush against your opening, slightly dipping in before spreading your wetness onto your clit. "You’re already shaking, sweetheart, you sure you can do this?” he teases, pressing his lips to your thigh softly.

“Fuck you,” you insult him although you’re wondering the same thing yourself. He’s barely touching you and you’re already about to lose it; how are you gonna survive him fucking you without passing out?

“Oh, I intend on doing just that.” With that, he pushes his finger into you, your head falling back onto the pillow. He pumps it a few times before adding another finger, leaning forward to latch his lips onto your clit as well. Your hands move to his hair without warning, threading through his curls and pulling gently. This only encourages him, the small groan he makes send vibrations through your core.

He curls his fingers up just slightly, the knot forming in your stomach almost too much to bear. “Luke, I don’t think-” A loud moan interrupts your words, your orgasm rippling through you before you could do anything to stop it. Luke doesn’t seem to mind, keeping his fingers at a steady pace and replacing his mouth with his thumb, circling your clit gently.

Luke had played the guitar for you in the past and you knew about his dream job but you never thought about how the skill would transfer to his skill in bed. You’ve never cum so easily, much less from someone else’s fingers. “Damn,” he admires, pulling you from your daze when he presses his lips to yours, the lingering taste of yourself causing you to throb. “You think you can do that again but around my cock this time?”

You nod, catching him off guard as you switch positions, sitting on top of him. Leaning down, you press your lips against his jaw, feeling his scruff against your skin. You grind your hips lightly against his as you do so, his blunt fingernails digging into the fleshy skin on your hips. You ignore it, continuing your line of kisses down his chest and stomach until you reach the waistband of his pants. Slowly pulling them down, you raise an eyebrow when you notice he wasn’t wearing any underwear.

The snarky comment slips your mind when you notice his cock, flushed a throbbing red color. “My eyes are up here, sweet pea,” he instructs and you can literally hear the smirk in his voice.

The need to knock him off his pedestal fills you as your fingers wrap around him, pumping him slowly. “I’ll make sure I don’t forget that, sweet pea,” you mock, your thumb brushing along his slit as you kneel between his legs. Your eyes don’t leave his darkened blue eyes as you lower your mouth, dragging your tongue along the underside of his dick. He takes a sharp breath, his jaw clenching.

Right before you took him in your mouth, you find yourself flipped with your back pressing against the mattress and his lips on yours again, moving as if it was the last time he’d be able to do it. “Hey, you interrupted me,“ you pout, pushing him away gently with a hand on his chest.

Luke presses a kiss against your temple. “I would’ve exploded if I saw you with your lips wrapped around my dick and I can’t having you think I’m too quick now, can I?” he asks rhetorically. His eyes widen slightly all of the sudden, a look of panic on his face. “Motherfucker.”

Pushing yourself up on your elbows, you look at him in worry. “What’s wrong?” you ask.

“Please tell me you have a condom.”

You furrow your eyebrows, fully sitting up. “You don’t keep a condom on you? Like... in your wallet or anything?” you ask him, utterly surprised. What college-aged person - especially college frat boy - didn’t keep a single condom on him at all times?

He looks the tiniest bit embarrassed as his cheeks darken slightly, shrugging nonchalantly. “No?” he replies, coming across more as a question than anything. “I told you; I haven’t had a need for one!”

“I mean, yeah, but not even one?”

“Are we gonna talk about how I don’t have a condom or are you going to answer my question?”

Giggling slightly, you point toward your desk. “In the second to last drawer,” you direct. He’s immediately there, rifling through the drawer desperately.

Before you know it, he returns to his spot, slipping the condom on his length. You decide to not tease him for the slight shake to his fingers. He covers your body with his, the hand not holding himself up guiding himself inside of you. Just as the tip was about to sink in, he stops. “I lied earlier.”

You feel your heart drop, wracking your brain for everything that he could’ve lied about. All you can come with is his confession about feeling something for you. “What?” you choke out, trying (and failing) to not sound pathetic.

His tongue pokes out to lick his lips before continuing. “You remember how I said I’ve liked you since Ashton first brought you over?” Wordlessly, you nod. “I lied. I’ve liked you since Ms. Whitman’s algebra class in tenth grade. You just always seemed so... out of my league, I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything to you back then so I ne-” He gets cut off by your lips, pouring all your feelings - relief, happiness and something that felt stronger than just fondness - into the kiss.

“Just fuck me, Hemmings. Please.”

A smirk adorns his lips and he nods, pressing his forehead to yours as he pushes himself inside of you. A whimper leaves your lips, feeling that way that he stretches you, and you notice his jaw clench. “Fuck,” he curses quietly. “You feel so good, Y/N.”

You moan in response, your thighs clenching against his hips. He pulls back before pushing back inside, gaining a steady momentum. His hips begin to move faster and harder, your hands moving to grip his back. He let out a guttural moan, the feeling of your nails scratching down his back only pushing him further. “Luke,” you whimper, the feeling of him filling you perfectly causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head.

He snakes his hand between the two of you, his fingers rubbing your clit in harmony with his thrusts. “’M not gonna last much longer, baby,” he warns, a pleading tone to his voice. He wasn’t gonna cum until you did but, fuck, he didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to last.

The angle of a certain thrust has your back arching and he doesn’t miss it, angling his hips to continuing doing so. You can feel the knot forming in the pit of your stomach, a whine falling from your lips as your fingers bury themselves in his hair. You don’t mean to yank on his hair as hard as you do, but it sends chills through your entire body when he lets out a groan in pleasure. “I’m gonna cum for you,” you whimper, the sentence broken as you fell apart.

He works you through it, halfway through his own thrusts growing sloppy. You pull his lips to yours, kissing him to the best of your ability as he cums, groaning against your mouth. He stills for a second, breathing heavily as he kisses your lips before pulling out of you, a boyish grin on his lips when you whine at the loss of sensation.

After cleaning the two of you up, he crawls into bed next to you, practically pulling you to cuddle with him. You melt into his side, your legs intertwining with his. “Worth the wait?” he asks, amusement filling his voice.

You laugh, pressing your lips against his chest before looking up at him. His hair was a mess, his face flushed and his lips as red as a cherry. “Absolutely worth the wait,” you confirmed.

#my writing #luke hemmings smut #luke hemmings imagines #5sos imagines #5sos smut #5sos writing #i hate this???#but i started it for fucking ever ago #and i really wanted to finish one of the 1000000s of drafts i have #so here u go #this is the best i can do #also WHY DID I WRITE THIS IN PRESENT TENSE #i hate it #did i used to do that??#i have no clue #it feels so unnatural #god

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