#so i am starting here and i will continue making efforts for you folks

[dapper-lil-arts]

So uh. My freelance work here is kind of dying.

I thought i'd keep my long-term followers on the know-how, so i might as well write about my current circumstances here, give y'all an update, so to speak.

So, for several reasons, most of them not even my fault, i've been getting less and less commissions, almost none, actually, and the ones i get are usualy on the cheaper side, which is bad concidering that this is my livelihood, commission money pays my bills, my groceries, and my taxes, and now i sure as hell am strugling to imagine this will sustain me for long. Twitter is a sinking ship ever since elon went over, Specificaly for people like me. I had just broken into 12k followers there, a huge milestone for me, and then i got shadowbanned, and for the last few months i've gotten *nothing*. It's completely dead, i'm stagnated there, all my arts are censored, and there's no way for me to undo it or fix it, and so i've gotten less and less comms out there, which sucks because its the only reason i was even on that stupid site. Here on tumblr, meanwhile, the CEO went on a massive transphobic streak, and a lot of lgbt folk (which composed a lot of my following,) decided to jump ship, and i sure as hell dont blame them, but sadly that's more potential costumers that bailed, and there's no proper website to go to. Anywhere i'd go, i'd be starting from scratch again, which would be utterly disheartening and frustrating, and there no website that is kind to artists, with no algorythim, that also have a messaging system (the latter being ESSENTIAL to the way i do comms) So i'm kind of stuck. I just. have nowhere to go, and nothing to do. And last but not least, my own fault, I've just been drawing and creating what *I* specificaly want, on an hedonistic streak this year. That's why theres so much pony bs on this blog now, and why i was straight up posting poetry a while back, and have written hundreds upon hundreds of fanfiction pages in the last few months; Which, unfortunately, is a terrible business decision if your intent is making money. Which I surely should have prioritized, but in the end, its not up to me, its up to the costumers... So now i'm a bit stuck. I've enjoyed the things ive drawn and written more than anything i've ever done, and yet, i've never been less successful on the actual business side. I'm still considering my venues, my possibilities, but there's not many. Trying to get a job would certainly pull me away from creation, and i'd hate it regardless of what it was, and on another venue, theres no guarantee that going back to furry titties would bring me money.

and that's whats heartbreaking about it too. no matter how much effort i put on my work, theres no guarantee of sucess, so why even spend time trying to craft a masterpiece? why not just follow trends and make a tiktok account or whatever the fuck makes money these days. I'd rather not, frankly. And i wont. Well, that's about it. Thanks for reading this update, that's how my life is goin atm. i'm going to continue doing as i am right now, but yknow... I'm not sure what i should do, if you want to give me suggestions, feel free.

[kalopsiasunwitch]

Long-ish Introduction Post

Going to start posting here more regularly so might as well introduce myself!

My name is V, and I am a 25 year old, a scorpio, a bisexual/demisexual, a religious deconstructer, and a spiritual, tree-hugging, witchy artist 🧙🏻‍♀️ I go by she/her pronouns. I’m figuring out life tbh. My ideal evening is smoking a bowl, eating a delicious vegan shepherds pie fresh from the oven, and watching Dark Souls gameplay while I practice drawing. I have ADHD, religious trauma, and isolation trauma, and for it I’m extremely introverted by nature, but in effort to heal some of this, I would love to make a few friends here and show my art to anyone who will look (pictures above is a piece I finished today!)

I’m hoping to learn about witchcraft and paganism. I’m very interested in deity work, and I feel really drawn to Hades and Persephone. I am just a beginner when it comes to deity work. I’m familiar with working with herbs, candles, and Sigils. To be controversial but brave, I will also tell you now that fae folk have been part of my life since I was a child, and I do not think I would have survived my very lonely childhood without them. They are the most continuous and intuitive part of my practice, if not my life in general.

I would love to share my Sigils and other magical art pieces with other kind souls on this platform 🖤, as well as learn more about the craft. Book recommendations are always welcome! (Especially FREE ones or on Kindle Unlimited or Spotify! And not just limited to witch books! I also love a nice spicy dark romance ♥️)

So yeah I’m saying a quick prayer that the algorithm blesses this post to the correct audience and I’m able to find some friends, or at least get/send some good vibes through my artwork I have shared! Thank you if you’ve read this far and I hope we’re able to connect!

EDIT: I forgot to mention my big 3! I’m a Scorpio ♏️ sun, Sagittarius ♐️ moon, and Libra ♎️ rising!

[ilexdiapason]

(part one here) (part four here)

Oli doesn't try to broach the subject again until the pizza is delivered and the ice cube is a soaked-up puddle in a napkin on the coffee table.

When he does, though, it's with his hands in his lap and his best efforts to not sound like a scolding teacher. "You wanna tell me what that was about?"

Martyn, in lieu of answering, pulls open the pizza box and wiggles a slice free from the still-stringing cheese. His fingertips bounce it between them, ginger; he bites down and clearly regrets it. Still, he chews, mouth caught in a conflict between ventilating the heat and keeping his secrets sealed tight shut behind it.

"Come on," Oli continues, gentle as he can push it. "I can't help you if I don't know what the problem is."

Martyn swallows. He looks like he's deliberating.

He must decide, whatever the stakes of this crisis are, that Oli's worth it, because he does reply.

"You know," he says, quiet, "I wasn't kidding when I said you should keep your computer away from me."

"Do you want me to take it upstairs?"

"I mean - bit late now. But yeah, that'd probably help."

So he probably has the conviction that something, somebody, is listening in through the machine. That's understandable; if whatever his situation was involved him being able to join some random strangers' games, he probably had a computer, and it was probably monitored, which would explain why he's so terrified of being tracked. It makes about as much sense as anything else in this exchange does. 

Even if it didn't, though, Oli still would have taken his laptop back upstairs, tapped out a quick notice that he'd be unavailable for the rest of the day, and tossed it on his bed - and his phone beside it, after a moment's thought. Martyn's comfort is what really matters here.

"There we are," he says on his way back in, "the highest-tech thing in the room now is probably the microwave."

Martyn offers him a thin smile, which feels more like progress than anything else.

"Right." He sits back down, takes his own piece of pizza (which by now is a far more edible temperature than it must have been when Martyn tried it), and gets the whole thing down before he takes another shot. "You want to start, or shall I?"

Martyn exhales amusement. "Go on then. Tell me what you know."

"Not a lot," Oli admits, "apparently. You don't make a lot of sense. You fell out of the sky, you still seem fairly surprised that things are real, you didn't know we’d been playing Minecraft - and you were calling me CHEST agent, which isn't a job title my company offers, as far as I'm aware. What, were you born in a video game?"

"I told you I was born in Nottingham."

"That might have been a cover story!"

"Nah. Wouldn't lie about that. I am a real boy, Gepetto, you can believe me on that one."

"Well, there's one thing I know for sure about you," Oli says. "All this talk of being in there, though. I don't know. VR?"

"Something like. You -" he hushes his voice, even though it's the middle of the afternoon and the neighbours won't be home "- you're, like, a normal CHEST employee, then? Front end stuff?"

"Yeah. I told you, I'm a software dev. If it's a front, I'm not in on the secret."

"God," says Martyn, "okay, so you're still not safe, but… okay, telling you this now, you're not getting the whole truth. But your company sucks and you should quit your job."

"Sucks like questionable QA policies or sucks like torturing teenagers in the basement?"

"I - shit," says Martyn, "a lot of those agents might have been folks like me, huh. Damn. Least I never killed anyone."

"I seem to remember you being pretty handy with a knife."

"Yeah, 'cause none of that was real, I was a bloody rat in a maid dress. You can't be on at me for killing people there."

"Suppose Jimmy killed the gardener."

"Exactly!"

"So, what, CHESTCorp have figured out how to turn VR into R, and you got caught up in it?"

"Not CHEST," Martyn takes another go at his slice of pizza, "just Doc. It's real experimental stuff. You're lookin' at test subject number one, I'm pretty sure."

"And now that you're not a test subject any more," he finishes, "you're having trouble readjusting."

"I guess. It's just… y'know, like, it's nice to be back, but… weird. Incredibly weird."

"Two and a half years would do it," Oli nods.

They take another lull to properly eat. Oli hadn't realised before this how starving he is; he would have thrown something together from the groceries he'd picked up if he hadn't had a guest to entertain. Martyn, too, seems fairly intent on ingesting an entire pizza by himself. His mother’s voice sounds inside his head, urging him to slow down, but Oli ignores it. If Martyn ends up with stomach problems it’ll just be another stark reminder that he’s not… trapped in a virtual reality simulator, he supposes.

“So, er,” he picks back up, once they’ve cleared the wedges and made more than a dent in the pizza, “what now?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ve gone through all that. Nobody’s going to believe you, I assume, if this stuff’s as top-secret as it seems to be.”

“Kinda thing you’d need a two-hour primer with your therapist for,” Martyn nods, “and a lot of faith in doctor-patient confidentiality.”

“But, what, do you just… go home?”

“I’d like to,” he says. “I would really, really just like things to go back to normal.”

There’s a silence. But they can’t rings clear as a bell in the air between them anyway.

Martyn looks down at the last three slices of pizza. “You should take me home.”

“You’re sure?”

He swallows. “Yeah. I’ll just… I’ll be a big surprise for my parents when they get back home from work. And then I’ll add you guys on Discord, and hopefully we’ll be able to talk more on there?”

“Hopefully,” says Oli, meaning it more than anything. His entire life’s been pretty much flipped on its head by this encounter. “We’re always wondering about you, y’know. Or, I mean, I am. Owen probably thinks you’re there from Apo, Apo probably thinks you’re there from Owen, all that, but… Hard not to wonder who the hell you really were, when you would never act like it was actually a game.”

“I mean, it’s all a game, isn’t it, really?” Martyn muses, half-distant. “Just in the long dream now.”

“Is that from the End Poem?”

“Is it?”

Oli shakes his head. No time for all that. “So I’m driving you back to Nottingham, and… you’ll DM me when you can?”

“Yeah.”

It’s the best he can ask for.

Martyn refuses to tell Oli his exact address, just asks him to drive close enough that Martyn can walk the rest of the way home. It’s understandable - a CHESTCorp employee knowing Martyn’s exact location is, apparently, an incredibly dangerous thing - but still a little concerning. He’d at least like to be sure that Martyn won’t be getting poached back by this Doc guy at the earliest notice. Still, Martyn’s comfort remains the most important thing, and so he leaves his Google Maps at home.

It’s a bit of an autopilot drive, even without directions. Oli feels the wheel under his fingers, the pedals under his feet, like they’re abstracts. He looks over once or twice and sees Martyn glued to the window, to the mirrors, hypervigilant; he hopes that Martyn feels a little more real now than he did before.

They’re idle at a semi-populated roundabout when Martyn straightens his back. “Second exit, then pull over,” he announces.

“Almost there?”

“Pretty close.”

Oli obliges.

Martyn, with just the barest tremor in his fingers, pops the car door and steps out.

“You’re sure you’re gonna be okay?”

The words leave Oli’s mouth in a rush, the emotion behind them probably more visceral than Martyn is expecting, if the way he startles at them is any indication.

“Because - ‘cause if you need a hotel, or cash, or -”

“No,” says Martyn, “no, I’m fine. Promise.”

He hesitates, hand on the open car door, a few more seconds.

“And thanks,” he finishes, “I don’t - I’m not - I don’t know. Appreciate it.”

Oli understands what he’s getting at. “Stay safe, okay?”

“Nah, I’m gonna throw myself right in the Trent when you’re gone,” Martyn smiles, and Oli dutifully ignores the crack in his voice. Blame it on the last vestiges of teenagehood.

“And if you do end up needing to - I suppose erase all traces of your old life online… then it’s been an honour.”

“Yeah.”

“... Good luck.”

“Talk to you later,” Martyn says, and slams the car door closed.

All Oli can do, once he’s ambled out of eyeshot, is mechanically drive back home.

So that was InTheLittleWood. Friend group cryptid, unethical experiment, man with more trauma than Oli could ever begin to help him deal with… but man he was able to feed, and house, and walk through an emotional response, which is better than nothing at all. The one person in the world who Oli could almost hit with his car and have that be a better situation than the one he’d just escaped from. Still a mystery, too; he’s left Oli with far more questions than answers, left him returning to an empty house and wishing he’d been selfish enough to make Martyn stay a little longer, talk a little more.

Oli picks up his phone where he’d tossed it in the bedroom.

He has one new email to his work address.

Human Resources 3:04 PM

to me ˅

Subject: Performance Review

Dear Oliver,

You have been scheduled for a performance review. You are required to report to our Shoreditch location by 09:00 tomorrow, Tuesday December 12th. Failure to comply with this request will result in disciplinary proceedings, which may lead to your subsequent termination.

Regards,

Dan

Human Resources

CHESTCorp UK

Ah.

That’s… well.

The word termination is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that threat.

… Okay, so they’re working to a deadline now. That’s fine. He can deal with that. Martyn’s been dealing with far worse, right?

The friend request, at least, flips through from pending to accepted.

TheOrionSound — Today at 16:14

[Attachment: Screenshot_20231025_161408.png]

InTheLittleWood — Today at 16:14

Shit.

(end! now on ao3, if you’d like to leave a comment slash kudos slash bookmark!)

[moirindeclermont]

Daily thread about BridgertonS3 and I'm still basking in all the glory that is the mirror scene. So buckle up folks, this is going to be long, in depth, and extremely horny (and yes, I'll make a lot of pun).

Let me start on a serious note: I want to thank all the people involved, not only Luke and Nicola, but the intimacy coordination and everyone who contributed because it's clearly a group effort.

I love many moments about that scene, but overall what did hit me like a train was the intimacy, the care, the love that was clearly displayed in the scene.

It's rare that we see intimate scene that comes clearly from a place of love and dedication.

Two words about Colin: my man was caring, attentive to her needs, guiding her in this new experience (am I the only one that find this scorching hot?), telling her she is beautiful. He asked her consent every step of the way and that alone was beyond sexy. See, when people tell me that continuous consent is annoying, I'm not sure they know what they are talking about. There's nothing sexier that having the person you love most in the world saying yes to this experience you're doing together.

Two words about Pen: gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous Pen. Innocent, to a point, because while she was insecure about the experience, she was clearly into it as much as he is. She was active in the experience, as well. Asking how to please her man. And don't get me started on how she might felt after loving him for so long, finally being able to share with him this moment.

I have absolutely zero notes for Luke and Nicola. Perfection. Especially Nicola, she delivered the perfect mix between desire, insecurity, nerves, innocence and lust. Especially Nicola, because I'm sure it was empowering AF. it was empowering for me too watching it. It's everything every person should experience when having sex for the first time.

Do I have to nitpick? While it didn't bother me too much, I'd love if people would understand that sex should not be painful, even the first time (key points here: use lube and lots of foreplay). But I can suspend my belief that they might not know in the time period. That's the only thing I would improve on the scene.

Favorite moments: I'd probably have to do another thread about it, but in random order: when she sees his 🍆 and gulps; when she goes to touch his 🍆 but he says not yet and she has the most adorable expression ever existed; when she gets into it and you can see in her eyes the lust the "fxck me, ruin me, please" (i know who to thank for this particular description); when she said "can we do it again?" And nobody will convince me they didn't; his orgasm coming from watching her experiencing it;

Idk if I ever be able to be over this scene. It's just everything I ever would love to experience. And feeling represent was an incredible boost of self esteem; Pen and Nic are goddesses (and so am I and all women, regardless of body type). And I will cherish it (and rewatching it) for a very long time.

[vonteasevintage]

B is for Beauty: NOT BULLYING

True beauty radiates from the inside out.

It doesn't matter how expensive the attire is...how immaculate the hair-do is...or if you cover yourself in gold leaf....if you are being a straight up nasty, bullying troll....no amount of money will make you shine radiantly like the girl who is kind to others in her bargain finds.

Plain and simple.

I've noticed A LOT of bullying and exclusion happening in the scene.

For something where we preach about showcasing our beauty with others...

Why in the heck are so many still so damn ugly on the inside?

It starts with us. We want change? We must be the change.

I recently was the special guest speaker for a contest that I was part of in the past - where I became an official pinup royalty! - and I knew I just had to bring this up.

The group was FULL of new lovely gals to the pinup scene. I was there to speak to them about my tips and tricks and answer questions (which , by the way...they ROCKED and had very great questions for me! Also, shoutout to a certain few who have read this blog!!) , so I felt that this was a very crucial part of what being a pinup is all about.

Like I said, I can help with the physical component...you can find multitudes of tutorials online...but one thing that is not spoken enough about is the attitude and grace that comes with being a pinup.

Us seasoned folks must use our platforms to help promote awareness for this.

We need to influence others on the right path.

I've seen and heard of different places where girls are being massively cliquey and purposely excluding others and treating others differently.

Ew. Gross non-flex.

PREACHING sisterhood and unity...but in the same breath, they throw in the asterisk where it excludes certain people.

That is NOT being iconic.

That is NOT how one rolls in a sisterhood.

I get it, not everyone is going to get along. But for the love of all that's fluffy and kitten-y, can we at LEAST be decent flippin' human beings?

I don't want to be THAT person...but maybe we need to start including that in the contracts when applying...first bout of evidence that someone is being a twatopotamus to others? Buh-bye, birdy!

See, it hurts me to even say something like that since I am a massive advocate for pinup being for everyone no matter what. But when people are purposely trying to hurt others with good intent? Claws come out.

I realize as well that this behaviour can stem from jealousy. But still...don't exclude and go out of your way to make someone feel bad because you are envious over something that they have or are.

One of the saddest things I've heard from others and have experienced myself is the feeling of not belonging due to people acting like this.

The feeling can make you feel like you just want to give up and pull out of the contest, despite how much effort you've put in. Can I be completely honest here? I feel as if that's part of the desired results from the person bullying.

Instead of working on oneself to become better when overcome with jealousy, they'd much rather try to get rid of the things they are jealous of. In their minds they see it as an easier way to fix that empty void instead of simply learning to accomplish the traits they are desperately wanting.

Wanna know the sad thing? Most of this vile behaviour comes from those of us that have been in the scene for years and SHOULD know better. This behaviour continuing to happen is teaching what exactly to those new to the journey? Not the right things, I can assure you.

How does it affect you?

From a promoter POV, it would be concerning having this happen...people dropping out last minute and thwarting your work you put to make the show run smoothly...less people showing up if the behaviour continues, and eventually bringing an end to the contest if it tanks too hard...it's not a good look and will bite you in the end in the long run.

From a contestant POV, it would make me feel suspish if I saw this happening to others...it would make me question how that person who is bullying others sees me and are they being fake to me...am I next in their destructive path?

As a whole - it's not good for ANYONE to experience.

What are some things you can do to put a halt to this kind of a behaviour?

For Promoters:

Have rules. Have a policy. I give tremendous kudos to True North Pinup Magazine for having an Inclusivity Policy where they do not tolerate any bullying behaviour. THIS IS THE WAY.

Be strict with it. Yeah, sure...being strict it the opposite of fun and good vibes, but to keep the good vibes as that, you must enforce the rules and make sure that this behaviour doesn't get ignored. You show that you're serious about not allowing this behaviour to continue...you are making waves on setting a new dynamic.

Have it in your contract! This kind of combines the two points above. Have it in the written contract that your contestants sign off on, and be sure you enforce this in stone. They know what they're signing up for. If it's not for them being nice and stuff...then let them move on and not dampen your parade.

Have undercover agents! (I had to say it like that - it just sounded so dang flashy!). A lot of contests have people observing the behaviours of the contestants and their interactions. If they see this behaviour, they can report it right away and will result in disqualification, etc.

For Contestants:

If you see someone being or saying something unkind, don't engage in the antics. There is power in numbers. Instead - and if comfortable - bring it up to one of the promoters. You are not being a 'rat'. If they see you as such, then they do not care about the ethics.

Be kind to others! Like...it's simple. Even if you don't get along with someone, you can still act decent when sharing the same stage in a production.

Support one another! If there's posts and whatnot from the event page of the different girls...show the same amount of support for each girl - not cherry pick. That honestly is such a bad look, leaves a sour impression and creates very much unnecessary tension. It costs nothing to give someone a 'like'.

If you feel as if you are a target of bullying, please go to the promoter about it. Do not stay silent. Be part of the change. Love yourself enough to not allow yourself to be treated poorly. You belong here.

Bullying can make us feel down and put a dampen on our glow. It's unnecessary and unchecked emotions that need to be dealt with. The more we let this continue to happen...history will just keep repeating itself and ethics will be lost.

Don't be a bystander.

Make a change. BE the change.

Everyone deserves to feel beautiful and shine like the diamond they are.

Everyone belongs.

Let's do this.

xo Bree Von Tease

[ina-verse]

Introduction post

Hello there, welcome to my blog! ツ

Basics:

- My name is Ina (ee-n-uh)

- I'm 20 years old

- Starting my junior year of college in October, majoring in special education and rehabilitation of deaf and hard of hearing people

- English is not my native language, so if posts regarding my studies are confusing, it's because educational systems (curriculums, how is a certain profession organised and its theory used in practise...) are vastly different between countries, especially when talking about special education.

What is this blog?

So, for now it's a commonplace book or a digital journal made of all the things that I think would be helpful in achieving my goals. Whether it's study tips, book recommendations, music playlists, motivational mood boards, quotes, pretty pictures it can all be found here, as well as my thoughts and updates on personal challenges (study, productivity, maintaining healthy habits etc).

Honestly, not sure yet. I wanted to make a studyblr, because my first priority now and in the next few years will be getting my bachelor and masters degree, as well as finding a job in my filed. Of course none of that is possible if I don't put effort and care into other aspects of my life, so I thought why not make it a some kind of a self-care blog, but realised that I don't know what would I even post and how I would do it.

Why am I starting this blog?

Currently my life is a mess, all the bits and pieces of it are scattered around and I am trying to pick what I have, connect it into some barely functioning thing and continue on to grow from there.

I want to work on making my life more better and enjoyable, on accepting and loving myself, on growing and improving every single day.

Also I've always admired all the study blogs out there. Everyone seems so genuinely kind and willing to give out tips and hacks about anything. I have always wanted to be a part of such community, thinking that this will help me stay disciplined and consistent with my work.

Things I wanna work on (I'll probably make separate post for this):

- self-discipline

- incorporating healthier habits into my everyday life (there will also be separate post for this)

- increasing productivity not just regarding my studies

- reading more books (for enjoyment)

- getting out of the comfort zone, being more spontaneous, making memories (with friends and alone), doing things just for the hell fun of it

- learning more skills/languages (for now I want to become fluent in my third language - French, as for skills I would love to enroll in a self-defence or dance class or both)

- getting work experience, I would love to and have to volunteer with organisations from my field in order to have something on my work resume besides a degree and get familiar with my line of future profession

- enjoying my youth, the moments I'm living in right now, being more thankful for everything that i have

...

Interests:

Besides my studies and future line of work

- reading (romance novels, poetry and classics)

- the biggest Hunger games and Suzane Collins fan, everlark stan for life

- listening to music (currently favourite Hozier, the Killers, James Arthur, Lord Huron, Kacey Musgraves, my native pop and folk music) while imagining fake scenarios

- watching TV shows (b99, himym, the good place, the new girl, friends, bridgerton and currently favourite my lady jane)

- now realising that I really need to get into more things besides media consumption

Study, life and aesthetic blogs that I admire and that inspire me:

* @studyblrmasterposts

* @studyblr

* @emmastudies

* @peachblossomstudy

* @starrystvdy

* @helenstudies

* @study-core-101

* @zzzzzestforlife

* @luciaslifesblog

* @malusokay

* @flowerhope

* @agirlwithglam

These are just some of them, if you are also a new studyblr don't hesitate to reach out to me I'd love to be mutuals

I'm still not sure about the main structure of this blog I guess in the near future I'll be posting daily updates as a part of some challenge (100 days of productivity or 30 days of discipline). I'll see so just bare with me 😅

Tags: I'll add as I create them on the go

Purple Van Gogh header is from @vysleix and pastel pink ribbons are from @saradika-graphics

If you made it to here and followed me know that I appreciate you and you have just become my beloved tumblrarian/mutual 🤍😌😘

date of the first intro post: 8th of September 2024.

[aristocratic-otter]

Howdy all!

I've not posted in forever, but I want you to know I am writing. I've just hit a wall with Saving Simon Snow and The Heart in the Well, so I'm rereading those to figure out where I'm going. But I've made significant progress on my other three, just not enough to post a chapter. I think a chapter of Snow Fox will be up in a week. I don't want too many WIPs on the archive, so I'll wait till one is finished to start posting Stars, Flowers and Children, which I've already got ten chapters done on.

Thank you to these folks for continuing to tag me even when I go silent: @larkral, @blackberrysummerblog, @bookish-bogwitch, @nausikaaa, @artsyunderstudy, @nightimedreamersghost, @prettygoododds, @rimeswithpurple, @ic3-que3n, @j-nipper-95 and @shrekgogurt

From: Stars, Flowers, and Children:

One moment Simon’s staring, open-mouthed at Davy’s corpse, and the next he’s folded himself into my chest, sobbing. “I killed him,” he whispers, between sobs. “Baz…I killed him.”

I want to argue with Simon, tell him that he couldn’t have known his shove would kill the man, that Davy’s own drunkenness made him so clumsy he couldn’t break his own fall, that Davy’s madness forced Simon to take action…but none of those things will help. So I just wrap my arms around him and hold him to me and let him cry. 

I want to tell him it’s alright. But it’s not. 

We’re thirteen years old, and we’re all alone in the world. 

From: Snow Fox

“I wish I were there with you. I wish I could be more help,” he frets. 

“You’re where I need you,” I remind him. “You’re of invaluable assistance to our effort. Baz, nobody can do what you do for the rebellion.”  I reach up and cup his face between my two palms. “And,” I whisper, “knowing you are here, safe? It’s the only thing that keeps me going, some days, darling.”

Baz’s eyes soften. Then I can’t see his eyes anymore because his lips are on mine and my own eyes have slammed shut. He kisses me fiercely, hungrily. Then he pulls away abruptly. “I’ll stay safe for you, for as long as I can,” he whispers.

“I know,” I whisper. “And I’ll do the same for you.”

And a longish sample from Tiktok dancer--Baz is finally in the story!

“We’re young, we’re hot, and we’re freeeeeee!” Dev shouts, and then follows his boast up with a raucous wolf howl. 

“You’re making a scene!” I hiss at him. 

Dev flips me off, before skipping ahead of Niall and I to the baggage carousel. I refuse to look around to see if Dev’s behavior is drawing attention. Of course it is; he lives to embarrass me. 

Niall laughs at my expression and then throws an arm over my shoulders. “C’mon, Baz. The sooner we get out of here, the sooner you can cool your blushes.” 

I scowl at him. “I’m not blushing,” I lie. I can feel the heat in my cheeks, but hopefully my skin is too dark for him to tell. 

He releases me with a pat on the shoulder and a laugh. “Dev’s just having fun. And he’s right, you know. This is our hot singles tour, and we get to do it in hot people paradise. Isn’t that great?”

“I thought Hawaii was paradise,” I snark. 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Your virginity is showing, Baz. C’mon, California? The home of the hottest girls on the planet?”  

Now I roll my eyes. “And I should care about that, why?” We’ve reached the baggage carousel now. Dev has pulled all of our suitcases off of the conveyer and is waiting impatiently for us. He was close enough, apparently to hear the last part of our conversation. He snickers. 

“You care because you want your best friends in the world to get laid by the hottest women. You’re just nice that way.” 

“Besides,” Niall grunts, as he hefts our suitcases onto a baggage cart. “I’m sure the guys are just as hot. You’ll find someone to fuck, Baz. Probably several someones.” 

Tagging (and blowing y'all a big kiss for the New Year): @angelsfalling16, @bazzybelle, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @erzbethluna, @fatalfangirl< @facewithoutheart, @hushed-chorus, @letraspal, @frjsti, @messofthejess, @moments-au-crayon22, @moodandmist, @onepintobean, @raenestee, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @theearlgreymage, @tea-brigade, @cutestkilla, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[filthforfriends]

The Puzzle Piece Problem

We have to talk about it again. I started this conversation a year ago, when Damiano posted an image of his mom at the Run for Autism. Progetto Filippide is a highly respected organization that does meaningful work for autism and other disabilities. However this iconography is insulting as fuck and seeing Damiano rep it personally in 2023 makes me sick.

Previously, I also expressed concern about the language choices on Progetto Filippide's website. This post is going to focus on the puzzle piece iconography in general, but I do stand by those concerns.

"Ritardo mentale" (mental retardation) which I've since learned is also offensive in Italian when used in this context. "Riabilitativo" (rehabilitation) of autism is not possible. Referring to autism as "diagnosi certificata" (certified) or "conclamata sindrome autistica"(full blown autistic syndrome) excludes people who can't afford or can't access a diagnosis. Also autistics and allistics aren't "affrontando le stesse fatiche, condividendo le stesse emozioni" (facing the same hardships, sharing the same emotions) because one of us is neurodivergent. Sameness isn't the goal.

Here is a closer look at the graphic. As you can see, the text and the logo are made out of puzzle pieces. The majority of the autistic community find puzzle pieces as a symbol for autism offensive and many even find it hateful. We have proudly used our own emblem since 2005, a rainbow infinity symbol for neurodiversity.

"For many years adults have openly, publicly discussed their desires for autism awareness to shift to an approach aimed at creating acceptance for us in society. Continuing to ignore our wishes, to use symbols which may remind us of our discrimination in society or that people sometimes do kill us because of our autism, IS disrespectful."

Paula Jessop, All Together Autism (New Zealand)

The original puzzle piece logo was created by Gerald Gasson for the National Autism Society (U.K.) in 1963. The crying child represents the tragedy of autism and the shape represents how "puzzling" Gasson found our condition. To avoid the association, the NAS have since changed their name, scrapped the logo (in 1999), and the whole site is rainbow (like our emblem). That's how embarrassing it is to have used puzzle pieces for autism.

The depiction of autism as a tragedy and sickness resulted in decades of efforts to cure and prevent it. Horrific abuse was suffered at the hands of caregivers, therapists, and physicians who treated autism like a cancer. The puzzle piece itself represents the deficit lens through which autistic people are viewed. We have a piece of the puzzle. We are a fraction of of a person. So the implication is that not being autistic makes you whole. Not being autistic makes you normal. Therefore, autism is inherently inferior. When an autistic person's behavior is measured as good (allistic) or bad (autistic), it's just a measure of how well they can conceal themselves and traits allistics might find "puzzling."

While the NAS invented it, Autism Speaks (U.S.) made the puzzle piece a global symbol through giant, heinous campaigns that seek to silence and eradicate autistic people. Autism Speaks was founded to help families of autistics manage their child, rather than help the child manage their neurodivergence. The most infamous campaigns are Autism Every Day, (> 13 mins long so I've edited together a few clips) and I Am Autism.

Even worse than these campaigns is Autism Speaks' much beloved Applied Behavioral Analysis. It began with Dr. O. Ivaar Lovaas using electroshock on intellectually disabled patients to stop self harm. The issue with compliance training, is that non-verbal folks communicate through their behavior. Understanding should be the first thing you reach for, and ABA the last since the use of that therapy makes an autistic person 86% more likely to develop PTSD.

I could keep going, but we've established that Autism Speaks is a monster. Yet, the only puzzle pieces we see in their merchandise is their logo. The puzzle piece is their entire brand, their legacy, and Autism Speaks is limiting exposure. Two of the shittest autism organizations in the history of man (the creators of the puzzle piece!!) have very intentionally moved away from that iconography and towards our chosen emblem.

So what the fuck is this?? No, the fact that its a complete puzzle doesn't negate the insult. I am not a puzzle at all! The fact that they think that comparison is fitting says something about how Progetto Filippide view its clientele. Sorry, not sorry.

Autistic people look like puzzles because we're punished for being neurodivergent. We're forced to take ourselves apart, do some curating, and put ourselves back together in a way that appears allistic, but that is not who we are. My autism is not a puzzle. Your society is a puzzle.

This is what neurodivergence is: the potential for an infinite number of unique ways to process the world around us. If you want to support autism in particular, use the gold infinity sign, but either is great! Do you see the giant chasm between how the world views us vs. how we view ourselves?

"Neurodiversity describes the idea that people experience and interact with the world around them in many different ways; there is no one "right" way of thinking, learning, and behaving, and differences are not viewed as deficits."

Dr. Nicole Braumer & Julia Frueh

When you say "well its a great organization" do you think this is what happens? "I'm sure he didn't mean it like that." "If he'd known, he wouldn't have worn it." No. they're still wearing puzzle piece shirts.

Autistics spend their childhoods and adolescence surrounded by people who’d like them to shut up. We’re called annoying, weird, unlikable. We are told nobody wants to be our friend, or likes us, or wants to hear what we have to say. Not only is it really hard for autistics to speak up for themselves because of this, but we’re also waiting in fear of an allistic person who says things the right way, coming along and usurping the conversation. So just listen please.

I won't be debating or defending anything. Feel free to be supportive or ask a question. Nicely.

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Happy 2024, y'all! It's a sunny day here on the SW Washington coast, and I'm off to a slow, sleepy start after managing to stay up until midnight in spite of myself. I hope you all are having a good start to the shiny new year.

I thought this would a good moment to reflect on the accomplishments of 2023, and look forward to what 2024 might hold.

Last year was, well, a lot of good stuff! Here are a few highlights:

--In addition to keeping my regular roster of online and in-person classes for various community colleges and libraries, I added a few new teaching venues. By far my favorite was the Sitka Center for Art and Ecology, where I had a marvelous time teaching my two-day Nature Identification for the Everyday Naturalist class amid an incredible coastal forest (they're bringing me back this year, too!). I also got to teach in my hometown in Missouri, with a mushroom foraging class at Rolla Public Library and a lichen walk at the Ozark Rivers Audubon Nature Center, both of whom I hope to work with again in the future. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention the series of classes I taught for Wildcraft Studio School in Portland--I'm looking forward to my next round of classes with them for 2024!

--I launched my guided nature tours business, offering ecologically-focused walks and hikes throughout the Pacific Northwest. This was very much a year of "throw things at the wall and see what sticks." Both scheduled hikes and private bookings were successful, though sometimes people thought I only did one or the other, so it was a bit of a challenge getting the word out that nope--I offer both! I'm hoping to expand the scheduled hikes to more locations, since I primarily offered them in the Long Beach, WA area, and I'm hoping to get some private bookings in places I haven't had a chance to explore yet. I do have to say I had a lot of fun taking people out onto some of my favorite trails, as well as some new places, exploring all the amazing flora, fauna, and fungi we met along the way. Here's to more excuses to get outside in 2024!

--With the help of my amazing agent, Jane Dystel of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret LLC, I landed a contract with Ten Speed Press (a division of Penguin Random House) for my book The Everyday Naturalist: How to Identify Animals, Plants, and Fungi Wherever You Go. This is an opportunity well beyond anything I had imagined, and I am super excited for the book to be released in Summer 2025. I've already gotten some excellent editorial feedback to help me make this book the best it can be, and I'm looking forward to this continued journey as I kick off the new year with a big writing session.

--I kept up on my quarterly chapbook schedule, producing four new chapbooks in 2023. It's a lot of work, but people really seem to enjoy them, and I relish the opportunity to dive deeper into topics than I can do in a single article. Speaking of articles, I didn't quite keep up with writing one weekly on my website, but I did alright. And I also kept up a good roster of articles in my Rainy Rambles column for the Coast Weekend paper.

And that's really what I'd love to see in 2024:

--More opportunities to teach and reach new audiences who are interested in learning more about nature identification, foraging, and other natural history topics. Since I do a lot of online teaching, I have plenty of options outside of my local area. And as I make my twice-a-year peregrinations to Missouri, I'm planning to do some teaching along the way.

--More tours, please! 2023 was a really great start, and I had such a great time that I just want to increase the number of days I'm out on the trails with folks. I need to do more promotion, especially outside the Columbia-Pacific region, and really work on getting the word out. Some of that will be online, but there will also be some time spent out in the world, too. It can be a very time-consuming thing, but here's to those efforts paying off.

--I already need to have the manuscript for The Everyday Naturalist turned in this April (I'm going to aim for getting it done early, but we'll see.) A lot of the process beyond that will be out of my hands, other than edits and feedback. Still, this will be another thing that I want to make more people aware of, so you can expect me to keep chatting about book stuff all year. And, of course, I'll keep those article sand chapbooks coming for those of you who can't wait for 2025 to read my work.

--I have some other projects behind the scenes that I'm planning--keep your eyes peeled here for updates! (Or you can join my monthly email newsletter here.)

Wishing you all an excellent 2024!

[durnesque-esque]

How does it feel to be who I wanna be when I grow up for style/vibes huh

Well this is an extremely kind ask! In wholehearted honesty: it feels great!

It's taken me a long time to figure out who I wanted to be and to become confident just being that person. I have been shyer and more self-concious than I think I often appear. But 7 or so years back I kind of settled on an idea of style that I wanted to cultivate for myself: comfy, executive, goth. I wanted easy, low goth style that I could dress up for business needs or nights out or dress down for easy day wear - particularly when a lot of my life was spent outdoors or sweating in trailers.

I have continued to cultivate a wardrobe and style to match that ever since. I don't spend a lot of money on clothes, so I'm really thoughtful about what I buy or make for myself. It's been a slow process of buying a couple pieces at a time and cycling out things that don't fit the vibe.

Anyway, all this to say - it's been a purposeful effort to get where I am, so I really appreciate someone saying it appeals to them, but also very much to encourage you.

If you like my style and want to emulate it, the goal was for it to be easy - because I'm a pretty lazy dresser and I don't like shopping. While I have a few custom pieces I've made for myself or purchased from artists like Sovrin & Lorica (and so many more jewelry folks), most of my actual clothes and a lot of my accessories come from places like Hot Topic, Ross, Forever 21, and H&M.

I also thrift a good bit - reduce impact on the fast fashion industry where you can. I'm still wearing pieces I bought 7 years ago when I first started this effort.

That's the nice thing about picking a style and running with it - you can wear things as long as you love them.

I don't post a lot of pics here, so anyone who's interested in more visuals of what I wear, check either my instagram in general or run straight for the tag: comfyexecutivegoth

Anyway, thanks Anon for your kind compliment of an ask and best of luck with your own style journey! 🖤

[redstainedglasses]

just wanted to a quick lil post to touch base with folks I do plan on returning to Vertebrae's and hopefully Vermin/Virility's blogs (that one's still a bit uncertain as I am hardcore struggling with their stuff) in due time but obviously it's been quite some time since I've interacted with folks here and so I'm more than happy to discuss things in DMs (either here on on discord) for how to proceed with interactions want to continue where we left off? totally fine, I can't say I recall all interactions perfectly but I'm more than fine with rereading our old interactions to figure out where we left off and how to move from there any past threads that we had going that you'd like to continue I'm all for as well, we can either allude to time skips or just continue where we left off I'm game either way! want to start over? that's also totally fine, I know going back and trying to remember stuff is difficult and if you just wanna say fuck it we ball and restart I'm more than ok with that

I'm also aware my fickle nature can lead people to not want to interact which is entirely fair as well and I can't currently make any promises of how frequently I'll be here because as much as I love rping, character interactions, writing and drawing for folks it does conflict with my general freelancing and growing streaming career but I will work harder to be more active and put in more effort overall that much I can promise!

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

I traded my coworker some of her grandma's tamales for my brown butter salted caramel chocolate chip cookies. Every time I remember I have some in the freezer, I get happy all over again.

My friends really want me to start dating again. I want a partner, but uh... when it comes to the getting to know somebody part... I just can't stress enough how uninterested I am in having to "sell" somebody on the concept of me. And nothing makes my ass itch more than trying to carry on a conversation with somebody who puts no effort into conversing.

I'm PMSing right before Valentine's Day and this shit is for the birds. This holiday doesn't usually leave me feeling too lonely, but it's February 7th and I can't lie and say I haven't felt a pang of the lonely here and there, especially since one of my favorite things to do is see Black people getting loved up on and appreciated by their partners.

Did this man leak a dick pic to get folks to stop talking about the shots he caught on "Hiss"? I'm just saying, the timing is mighty suspicious, Aubrey... mighty suspicious.

Watching this Meg and Nicki beef unfold while living with a roommate who is a Barb is some funny shit, let me tell you.

Finished Castlevania and Castlevania: Nocturne. Wow. I pressed play on Nocturne, hoping I would like it as much as I liked the original, and NIGGA. Enjoyed it even more. But also... I really wanted a better ending for Annette.

I know I'm nerdy, but sometimes I be forgetting just how much of a nerd I am. For instance, I was recently reminded of how much I used to be into fan fiction. Harry Potter and Degrassi: The Next Generation, to be specific 😅 I still have the notebooks I wrote them in before I started posting and continuing the stories on forum sites.

My biggest hit was a Dramione (listen man... niggas was young) fanfic called Opposites Attract. Had the forum girlies going crazy over that one, you hear me?

...So, naturally, I restored my fanfiction.net account and may or may not be re-visiting my favorite stories from the early 2000s. The girls were really out here writing writing. I've always admired the ability of fanfic writers to really emulate the author's voice and pick up on the tones they use for their characters. Is it easier than creating your own world from scratch? Yes, but at the same time, it's difficult in different ways.

Yeah... I might be a trick a lil bit. Just a lil bit. Or... just more generous than I originally thought I was. I've said it before, if you're my partner, I want you to experience ease as often as possible. My love language has never been gifts, but all about that acts of service? If I can help you out or get you something that I know will make your life easier? It's yours.

The fact that I've made it to my big age without needing rain boots just to move to southern California and have to buy my first pair is wild. There are songs, multiple songs about it never raining here. Global warming is some shit.

[stones-and-birds]

Some Updates! July 16, 2024 🐦‍⬛💎

Howdy! Been a bit since an update, and while not a ton of folks are actively keeping up with this I figured an update was still worthwhile. Updates under the cut.

-Kieran

Development Updates:

This project is still actively being worked on! There's a ton left to do before I can even properly begin coding the VN and making assets - character designs, outfit, logo, and abnormality designs, not to mention continuing to flesh out the plot + properly write down the full summary. Things are slow due to life - we've got obligations outside of working on this, but it's still full steam ahead as this story is very important to us.

I had initially planned to release Chapter 1 on its own for the Children of the City Zine - I ended up switching to an illustration for my piece because I didn't want to work under a deadline for this. I am learning very quickly not to overestimate my abilities to get stuff done while dealing with multitudes of other stress.

The plot has, for the most part, been finalized - I'm still extending what I had written out and making tweaks here and there for better story flow, but we know what the overarching plot is as well as what the conclusion will be. Of course things could change, PM is still putting out new content and we don't have all the worldbuilding we could, but we're taking it in stride.

As of right now, the amount of chapters slated to be in the final product will be 9, and 7-8 of those will unlock optional story snippets at the end of each chapter (think the 'tips' feature in Higurashi, for example). It's very possible this will change!

I've switched to planning mostly on a Notion board which has helped productivity a lot more than having things scattered across various Google Docs files!

We've added @winterbunz to the dev team for proofreading and additional writing help!

Feedback needed?:

We're still deciding on whether or not to release the story in parts or wait until it's complete before releasing the whole thing - If we decide on releasing it in parts, It'll likely be a release similar to Limbus in that the primary release has 3 chapters and the rest will be released as completed. Still not sure though, feedback is appreciated. I may post a poll regarding this soon for easier engagement.

I would really like to add some minigames of some sort, as well as a functional Abnormality Codex for the fan abnormalities. I have some ideas on how to implement these, but it's going to take some studying and planning and such to figure it out - so nothing's set in stone on that front yet!

Some Adjustments/Fixes:

I had somehow mixed up Canto 1 LCB's L Corp branch, D-02, with Canto 2's, J-03, and ended up naming the branch J-02. This was an error on my part and I'm embarrassed to admit it took me so long to realize - The primary branch featured in this story will be J-03! I intended it to be the one from Canto 2 from the start, I just can't read.

I've also maybe been a bit too loose-lipped regarding plot beats, so I'll be avoiding that more in an effort to prevent spoilers for people who don't want them.

Misc Updates:

A good amount of the main cast of this project is uploaded on Art Fight for 2024's fight! Since a majority of the main characters are mine specifically, most of them will be located on my AF account, demonerium. I'm on Team Stardust this year!

Oracle also has some of his characters that are a part of the SaB cast on AF - you can find his profile as oracle_milkman, he's on Team Seafoam.

While you're at it, attack Michelle too! They don't have any SaB characters yet, but they have their own Lobcorp OCs as well as others.

TL;DR:

Development is still in progress! We're currently still working on finalizing the plot and chapter summaries, but it's getting closer!

Branch J-02 is now referred to as Branch J-03 to correct a mistake I made... and somehow only recently noticed...

Some discussion/feedback would be appreciated regarding release methods and minigame/extra feature additions!

[learnhowtothink]

Day 4

Saw a trend in TikTok on 10 questions to know a bit about myself, here we go.

1- What is my favorite sound, that is not a song?

R: I like the sound of Rain and the sound of the hairdryer

2- How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

R: Probably 17

3- If I were a feeling today, what would you be?

R: I think for today, I would be Mad and Lost.

4- If I had only 1 day left to live, would I tell? If yes, to whom?

R: Probably yes, would tell my Mom, sister and grandma, and of course my partner as well.

5- If I could, would I erase my worst memory or relive my best memory?

R: This is a difficult one, not gonna lie, I would prefer to relive my best memory I guess.

6- What would I choose? A)Be with the person I love for the rest of the life | B)New clothes every week | C)Travel once a month to anywhere of the world

R: I would choose letter C, I love traveling and meeting new places and cultures, of course I would love to travel and being with the person I love as well, but for now I would choose C.

7- Who is my 911 when the world crumbles?

R: I don't know, maybe my sister or my grandma, but telling the truth it's still too difficult for me to share my feelings, even though I know I need to.

8- What is my “what if” that most haunts me?

R: Wow, I think the worst is if after all my efforts I still don't get to enter into the job I wish to transition to. I had others what if's but right now this is the worst one.

9- What is the most difficult part in knowing that I am getting older?

R: Maybe the worst part is that seeing behind I have lost so many opportunities, so many decisions that could lead me to different directions for my future, and in the end I might regret all this dumb decisions in the future.

10- If you could, would you live forever?

R: No, I don't think so, I would want to go to the “next level” and see what waits for me, I don't think this life is the only one, or the best one I have ever lived maybe? So I would, definitely, stay “mortal” for sure.

And, after this questions, I just want to say that I might not be well? At least not today, I have so many things in my head, and today it seems it's worse, and it seems everything is all over me again, sometimes I just want to “END” everything to “Start all over again” like a video game, but I know that's not how it works, so I will just continue living and maybe bit by bit making the thing better.

Till next time folks.

[au-ra-babygirl]

Dinner with Friends (Pt. 1)

It’d been three days since they arrived in Limsa Lominsa and met Sholi. Two days since meeting Colette.

In that time, she'd done a few little assignments for the Arcanist's Guild and run a few errands for local people. It's earned her enough gil to pick up a couple new outfits, which were currently laid out on her bed as she cups her chin thoughtfully. What to wear?

Sholi (and Colette?) would be coming to pick her up in, she glances at the clock, about half an hour. Shit.

Okay. Deciding time. She had her usual dress that Sholi had seen her in twice now, so that was out. She grabs the dress and tosses it aside. 

Two outfits left. That was easier. Probably.

One is a lengthy dress (she'd yet to work up the nerve to buy anything not explicitly feminine) and the other a slightly shorter dress that required leggings. Which would impress more? Which would make a better first impression on the folks she would be meeting today?

She decides to try on both. The shorter one ends up being a little more revealing than she's comfortable in at this point, so she decides to go with the longer one.

About the time she's pulling on her shoes, a knock sounds at her door. “One sec!” She hurriedly pulls on her other boot and gives herself a once over in the mirror, smoothing down her hair as she does. She looks as good as she’s going to get at this point and moves to open the door.

Sholi stands alone on the other side, her tail waving eagerly. “Hello. You look nice. Are you ready to go?”

Masa blushes faintly. “Um, thank you. Yes, I am.”

The walk to the restaurant is easy enough as by now Masa had grown close enough to feel comfortable in the silence as they listen to Sholi speak, only interjecting as needed or desired. Sholi doesn’t seem to mind, continuing to gesture wildly with her hands as she explains the people who’ll be at the dinner. Apparently not all of them started off as mages, but all of them were capable of magic in some way. That’s actually kind of reassuring.

When they arrive, Sholi leads them to a table where four people are seated and introduces each of them in turn. “You’ve met Colette,” Sholi starts, “beside her is Augustine, her brother. Uses he/him pronouns.” Augustine is shorter than his sister but with darker hair and skin tone. His eyes are more blue than reddish. He also has the same tattoos as Colette, though in a different color. Masa wonders what their parents look like. “Zevri is the viera. She/her.”

Zevri is cute too with large flurry (and touchable looking) black ears and hair. Her eyes are also blue and very pretty. Masa waves shyly. The woman gives her a two-fingered wave in return. “And lastly, Blyss. Any pronouns.” The final woman is even taller than Colette with a skin tone similar to Masa’s own. Her eyes are a pretty shade of brown, and she’s incredibly muscular looking. Masa can’t help but be envious. Despite all her work on the farm, she never developed much muscle tone.

“Hello. I’m Masa. Uh, I use… I guess they/she? She/they? I’m still kinda figuring that out.”

“No judgment here,” Zevri says when it becomes apparent no one else is going to talk. “I’ve been there. So has Augustine.”

He nods, saying simply. “Trans man. She’s a trans woman.”

Masa looks between the two. They don’t exactly intend to look for signs that show the pair were born as the opposite gender, but they do so regardless. “I never would’ve guessed.”

“No offense, but that’s not the compliment you think it is,” Zevri comments. “Not everyone wants to pass. I certainly don’t care if I do, though Augustine puts more effort into it than I do.”

Masa looks at him. He shrugs. “Got a point.”

They look down then force themself to look back up. “My apologies. I’m, uh, there’s not… I mean there is, but I’ve never really… I’m new to all this.”

Augustine waves them off. “Don’t worry. We’ve all been there, but it’s still something to keep in mind when meeting new people.”

They nod. “Right. Of course. Sorry again.”

Sholi pulls out a chair beside Colette and sits leaving Masa to squeeze in between her and Augustine. “So all of you are mages?” Masa asks, partially to change the subject from their awkwardness but also because she was genuinely curious.

Blyss shakes her head. “Technically yes, but I’m still pretty new to it. I’m a monk first and foremost. The rest of ‘em are like you though.”

“Well, not exactly like you,” Colette points out. “I’m a thaumaturge. Augustine started off as an arcanist though.”

“Indeed, I did, and with a great deal of study, I’m now a summoner,” he explains. “Still the same concept, but much more unique creatures.”

Masa’s eyes widen in delight. “I’ve heard of that. I’m not capable of it yet, myself, but I’m very eager to learn more about it.”

Augustine nods. “It’s something you’ll pick up on after quite a bit of training, if Sholi and Colette’s assessment of you is correct. The standard carbuncle is good to start off with, but they aren’t the most powerful little creatures when it comes down to it. Once you rise through the ranks, you’ll be able to modify them ever so slightly to make them your own.”

“Modify?”

Augustine nods. He pulls out a worn looking arcanist’s tome, flipping through the pages to one near the back. He puts a hand out to the side and summons a thing that looks very much like Biscuit, but slightly different between them. The color is similar to Masa’s but significantly bigger. “They look very similar, but they become significantly more powerful than the average carbuncle.”

“Fascinating.” Masa reaches out to touch it, noting that it feels exactly like Biscuit. “And the bigger they are, the more powerful they are?”

“In theory, yes.”

“I’ll be able to do this one day?”

“Also, in theory, yes.”

“Neat!” They were already excited to be more involved in the Arcanist community, but the knowledge that Biscuit would be able to get bigger if they were makes them even moreso.

The conversation switches soon after that and a waitress appears to take their orders. Masa orders a kind of fish that seems local to the region (if only because she’s never seen it on a menu back home). Somehow, without her knowledge or permission, the conversation switches back to gender as a whole.

“So when did you know?” Masa finds herself asking Augustine and Zevri. “I mean, I can barely figure out any of this stuff. I always heard that you should just know from a young age.”

Augustine winces. “So my story isn’t going to make you feel any better.” Masa tilts her head. “I’ve known I was a boy since I was aware what gender was. Our parents struggled with the concept a lot, so it wasn’t until I was a teenager that I was finally allowed to experiment with being a boy and wear boy clothes.”

“I found out when I was a teenager,” Zevri replies. “There’s a ceremony that all viera go through when they turn thirteen where we basically choose our gender. I thought I wanted to be a boy, but the more I spent time alone in the wilderness, the more I realized that I actually want to be a girl. So when I went back for mating and finding new jacks, I told everyone that I wanted to be a girl instead. It went pretty well. My culture doesn’t exactly have a concept of ‘transgender’ the way yours does, but it’s still not common for one to change the gender they chose at thirteen.”

Masa looks thoughtful at Zevri’s explanation. “I don’t think I could’ve known. My parents didn’t treat me like a girl specifically. They let me choose what I wanted to wear and didn’t limit my toys or books or whatever-”

“Y’all are weird,” Zevri interjects. “Gender is weird outside of viera culture.”

“Yes,” Masa agrees. “But like I was saying, I was always kind of neutral when it came to gender, but I never explicitly thought of it that way. It wasn’t until recently that I began to realize maybe something was off about me, but-”

“Nothing is off about you,” Colette interjects. “No matter what your gender is or isn’t, you’re still Masa and we’ll still respect you no matter what.”

Tears begin to blossom in their eyes, and they wipe at them with the back of their wrist before Blyss offers them a napkin. They take it and dab at their eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t-I’m not-”

Sholi places a hand on their back, rubbing small circles along their upper back. “It’s okay. We understand. Gender is hard - unless you’re a viera apparently - and it can take time to understand how it applies to you.”

Masa nods, sniffling. “I know, but I feel like I should have it all figured out. I’m not a kid anymore.”

Augustine snorts. “No one has this shit figured out. I tend to prefer he/him now, but I went through a phase where I wasn’t entirely sure either. I tried out they/them and he/they as a teenager before realizing that they wasn’t for me.”

They look up cautiously. “And that’s okay?”

“Of course that’s okay,” Zevri says. “It’s okay to question yourself. It’s okay to not be sure. And whatever you eventually settle on will be okay too, whether that’s she/they, they/them, or even she/her.”

They look down, dabbing at their eyes as tears threaten once more. “Thank you.” Their voice is softer and thicker than they’d like to admit, but no one comments on it.

Sholi moves her arm to rub along Masa’s. “It’s okay. If you like, we’ll be happy to help you as much as you want or need.” Masa sniffles again. “Most of us have been where you are and we understand. If you need or want to talk to us about any of this, we’re here for you.”

Masa peeks up and notices nods around the table at Sholi’s words. They struggle not to burst into tears. “Thank you. Again.”

They feel someone else touch their knee, giving it a gentle squeeze before pulling away. They glance up at Augustine, who’s nursing a cup of tea that had been brought out earlier. They smile at him.

[loveaffairxc]

Every word that fell from her lips felt foreign to him, each syllable like a jarring note. He stood there, frozen in disbelief, his brow furrowing as he glanced away, trying to make sense of the incomprehensible. You didn't want a life with me. These words prompted a disbelieving scoff from him. His eyes then turned angry all over again as he paused, taking a moment to calm down. Yet, it was a futile effort.

"You know, it strikes me that there's a considerable amount of bullshit going on here, so there's just a few things I'd like to clear up" He started, his voice steady despite the turmoil within.

"Number 1. You want to talk about cruelty? Cruelty is sending a hundred letters, only to find 'em all back at my doorstep. I'm not an idiot, Esther..." He added, the last words in a whisper; pushing himself away from the wall, taking measured steps toward her. "Soon as I show up in your picture-perfect world, your first move is to make sure none of those letters get to you. Number 2. After my accident, you rushed to the hospital, only to shut me out again when I wanted to see you. What was that about, eh?" He asked, this time standing close to her face. "You hoped to hear I kicked the bucket? Permanently this time? Number 3..." He continued, the words tumbling out of him in a torrent.

"It sure isn't my fault that you ended up falling for this James, alright?" He retreated a few paces, swept up in his tirade as his voice began to escalate, growing louder with each word. Just uttering his name out loud had this effect on him. "You told me you loved him, that he's a 'good man'. You made your choice. And still, I tried, over and over and over" he emphasized the last words, feeling the weight of exhaustion settle over him as he reflected on it.

The words he vomited left him feeling both sick and strangely satisfied. He paced around the hallway; his hands thrust into his pockets. "I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to do?" He asked, turning to face her once more, unable to contain his rant.

He drew dawn a silence which filled the room; feeling like he was finally able to really look at her. He exchanged a mute look with her of no particular significance, his mind consumed by memories of simpler days. He pondered what might have been, where they would be if not for the war. Now their past felt both beautiful and bitter.

"It's my fault. I should've seen it coming." He let out, his voice trailing off as thoughts simmered in his mind."Maybe folks were right, maybe we rushed into this marriage too quick. If you wanna end it go ahead. Leave. I'll learn to hate you, and believe me, it won't be hard." He lied, understanding that it wouldn't be simple, perhaps even impossible. Still, voicing it somehow made it feel like a possibility.

Esther’s voice wavered slightly as she spoke, her gaze not once leaving his face. The face of a stranger, a betrayal of the man she once knew. "The fact that you even need to ask speaks volumes, Frank." She spat out, her words laced with an acid like venom. “And the fact that you can’t see it speaks even louder.” There was a raw honesty within her eyes. She knew nothing of the lengths he’d gone to make a mends. The letters, the locket. James had kept all from her, sheltered her from it all. It was his grip on the truth that was the real cruelty, and it was only a matter of time before all would be revealed. But all she could see in that moment was Frank, the man who had walked away when she needed him most. The man who had promised her forever and left her behind to seek a life without her.

“You didn’t want a life with me, you made your choice.” In her mind, it was a fact. “So now I'm making mine. I’ll do you the curtesy of ending it, ending all of this. I’ll have the papers drafted and you can be rid of me once and for all."