#so here's version 2 from me
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Colin, I can take care of myself. Then what good am I to you! for @polin-erospsyche
#mycolouring*#mygifs*#polinsated#for luwen ✨️#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#polin spoilers#bridgerton s3 part 2#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#lady whistledown#colin x penelope#polin#polinedit#bridgertonedit#userjamiec#.#so this took quite a while to make :)#luwen wanted a remake of this scene. i giffed it earlier but i was at work and didn't have my programs ya know#so here's version 2 from me#✨️#..#i'm fully obsessed with colin in this moment#like.. to ignore the context for a moment... he's hot as fuck right here and i have feelings.... 👀
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Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.
#this post was inspired by me remembering the experience of reading death in the family#after only knowing the fanbase version and realizing oh none of that shit happened okay#like girl you don’t understand it’s so bad#Jason wasn’t even fired as Robin#He’s not accused of murdering anyone by Bruce#He’s not trying to prove himself at all he’s just looking for his mom#The reason Bruce didn’t go after him right away is because he was tracking down a goddamn nuke the Joker stole#Then after he finds it and handles the problem he helps Jason track down moms 2 and 3#Also Jason died in like 20 minutes?? even less??#He died in less time than it took his mother to smoke a cigarette#Bruce literally went ‘wait here I’ll be right back’ and was gone for less time than a trip to the grocery store#and then you go into the Jason Todd tag and they act like Bruce pulled the damn trigger on him#Like besties I don’t know how to tell you this he basically did everything right he possibly could have#Even him benching Jason from Robin temporarily happens so that he can get Jason into therapy about his trauma#Like the whole point is that neither of them did anything wrong bad shit just sometimes happens#That’s the tragedy. The drama.#Bruce couldn’t have made better choices in the position he was in and Jason was never going to make different ones#It was inevitable#Anyway rant over please read death in the family before I lose my mind#batfam#batman#jason todd#tim drake#dick grayson#damian wayne#bruce wayne
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I've been having a delightful time stumbling over my emojis being used in random servers, so here's more
#It's seriously so funny to see an emote of mine in random conversation from a private server#emojis#art#rain world#Some people went even farther and apparently started using other art of mine as emotes#Which is fine but absolutely buck wild to stumble over#Since some of the art they chose is literally wip versions of my current pfp#??? Sure I guess 😂#rw survivor#rw monk#rw saint#spearmaster#Most of these were requests. The rest were just the emojis I use the most turned into scugs lol#You get to decide which was which lmfaoooo#Also here's some lore: a while back I made 'hunterwheeze'#and the bit was everyone liked it so much they wanted it in the server#So I said bet and threw a bunch of emotes to the staff to hear their thoughts#And way more than I thought got added!#Except for hunterwheeze 🤣🤣🤣#Instead they chose a super edited screenshot of some animation frame I made a few months ago I added last minute for giggles#Which I was DELIGHTED by. It's perfect#Also the only instance of the emote since it's technically not on this blog 😉 not transparent anyway#Oh and here's my favorite 'wild' emotes I've found:#1) that person that dmed me to reveal there was an animated emote for every variation of rivulets face I made that one time#(I was not allowed to join the server)#2) discovering an emote has been in use for months in a server swathed in drama and in the throes of being orchestized from the community#3) that one nightcat-saint emote appearing on a random server announcement (it's so niche I was astounded anyone used it lmfao)#Most sightings are totally benign but these were just hilarious
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Hi, Viewer Discretion:
This AU is about a nonexistent fictional mental health condition. There is imagery of straitjackets and other restraints, as well as mention of discrimination based off of health conditions. If you are uncomfortable with this content then please feel free to click off and enjoy something else. Thank you.
Dressing Sketch
Uniform Sketches
League Party sketch
Sketch dump for Battle Addict! This art has been gathering dust for a few months 😭 only just remembered to post it here.
These sketches are from Ver. 3 of Battle Addict, aka Battle Addict Twins, where both of them get the HCCM diagnosis.
The base idea for Battle Addict is that while most people enjoy Pokémon battling, there comes a certain point where one's love/obsession for battle starts bleeding into the rest of their life and becoming detrimental to their everyday life. This is usually called Combative Mania (CM), which is present in a large part of the population (40%-60%) hence why battling is so popular and so many different forms of it are made to keep people satisfied. The extreme form is Hyper-Competitive Combative Mania (HCCM), wherein a person spends so much time and energy for battles that it starts to affect their physical/mental health as well as their social life, since they neglect them in favour of their obsession.
Often what divides CM patients from HCCM patients is what they're willing to give up for battling and the extent of their knowledge regarding battles. CM patients usually only have a casual interest in battling or just enjoy the thrill of battling, but operate normally and have other interests outside of battle. They have basic to intermediate knowledge of battling, and can often partake in research or battles.
HCCM patients will often forgo food, water, sleep, school, work, and relationships in favour of researching and competing in battles. It is the only thing they find interest in and they devote most of their time towards it. Patients often memorize entire charts of statistics and different strategies and counterstrategies for battle, with different patients often having a certain subject they specialize in. Most patients with HCCM are unaware that they have it, they either assume that they have CM or that they are completely normal and just enjoy Pokémon battles. They often go into fields that work directly with researching Pokémon or battles, such as professors, scientists, gym leaders, elite four members, league workers, battle facility operators, and so on.
Ingo and Emmet do not know they have HCCM. They engage with battle and researching battle in a way that they think is typical for a hobbyist. Ingo tends to read on academic papers, textbooks, and study guides regarding the statistics and capabilities of Pokémon, whereas Emmet takes a more hands-on approach in studying Pokémon anatomy and battle strategy. Ingo often charts and studies natures, EVs, IVs, stat spreads, abilities, moves, and their properties. Emmet sketches anatomical diagrams and studies of Pokémon, including skeletal structure, musculature, organ systems, and physical appearance, highlighting pressure points in the body for executing the most damage and for keeping his own Pokémon protected. He also tends to read into psychological studies as well as conducting his own long term tests to predict a person's strategy in different situations. The two feed into each other's interests, teaching the other of their own discoveries and celebrating breakthroughs together. As a result, their total knowledge of battling is immense, which led to them becoming Subway Bosses straight out of college.
The two lived and worked fairly normally; they were very passionate about their work and it provided a way to sate their need for fighting on a regular basis, as well as giving them the space to experiment with different fighting styles and analyze others' strategies. Of course they still continue their studying outside of work, which often leads to them trying different methods or revisiting recorded battles to see how they could improve. The twins still believe their hours long discussions, piles of notes, and stacks of study materials littered around their house are perfectly fine, only stopping to reconsider after a comment from a coworker highlights how they must be crazy or incredibly disciplined to have as huge of a win : loss ratio as they do.
They end up taking the issue to a psychiatrist after dwelling on the idea for a few days, which is where they get diagnosed after a few tests and a description of their lifestyle and interests. Their case is considered moderate but could easily escalate into severe if left unchecked, though the main concern is whether this would make them a threat to other people due to their work and prominence. Obviously they don't want to lose their jobs, but this kind of thing could get them removed from the League Council if it got out, so they have to consider whether they share this information with their employers or not. Ingo thinks it'd be best to keep it under wraps, but Emmet fears that this could be used as blackmail and argues that they need to release this information themselves before someone else ruins their lives with it. Eventually they do take the diagnosis to the League Council and it gets out to the public.
Emmet takes the fall for Ingo, claiming his case is severe whereas Ingo's is mild so that the League Council will be more distracted with him to bother Ingo. That ends up with Emmet getting a new restraining uniform because the League no longer trusts him to handle himself in public based off his diagnosis. Neither of them are particularly pleased about this, but Emmet tells Ingo to look on the bright side. Emmet actually starts to find the jacket to be more of a little challenge than a hindrance, as it adds an extra level of difficulty to battles that he's been looking for, but Ingo still thinks it would be better if he hadn't had to wear it at all. This unfortunately extends to League parties where he has to be restrained to even be allowed entry, which he is much less happy about.
This post is getting ungodly long as it is but there's also a branch off of this concept where Ingo and Emmet land in Hisui together and Emmet's uniform looks like this. He deconstructed the uniform he was given to modify his jacket since by that point he had a bit of a sentimental connection to it and didn't want to just swap it out.
(Bonus fun fact: Ingo and Emmet decided to pull the biggest gag on the Pearl Clan when they first land by pretending to be one person under the alias Eki. Ingo is the polite one in the dark coat by day, and Emmet is the energetic one in the white coat by night. "Day Eki" is more popular with other Wardens and older clan members, whereas "Night Eki" is more popular with the village children and insomniacs.
The whole Warden Eki concept is technically its own AU in the background but it did originate from Battle Addict. Also I already drew Emmet in the Pearl Strait I can't take that back)
Anyways uhhh there's more let me see if I can condense it:
The twins went to a University specifically focused on battle (Champion's University), where they ended up studying subjects in their specific interests. Emmet took psychology of battle and Pokémon anatomy to learn about the weak points in trainers and Pokémon, and Ingo took general statistics and study of moves which are exactly what they sound like
The twins use the Vs Recorder all the time, both to track their own progress and to observe how passengers fight. It's often stuck to the glass windows to catch the Pokémon in the middle of the car, though they have considered buying Rotom Drones expressly for this purpose
Emmet actually has a stack of different studies on weak points in the human body but he doesn't share that with anyone, not even Ingo
Emmet's study of trainer psych has led to him often predicting tactics before they happen and dodging/countering them with his Pokémon. He often challenges himself to predict a person's team, moveset, and strategy based on appearance, gait, and body language, sharing his guesses with Ingo in case he makes any useful observations
Ingo and Emmet are possibly the first instance of causing "learned HCCM" in their Pokémon because after the training that they do together, the Pokémon have developed their own independent bloodlust and have started memorizing the move strategies that the twins have them use
Sometimes to celebrate fully completing a study on a particular set of Pokémon, the twins will eat one. This is mostly as a treat and an inside joke, but they will research what's in season/allowed and go hunt for one. Ingo is usually the one to catch it, and Emmet is the one to cook it. There's some really goofy shitposts about them going after pseudo-legendaries overseas, or Palkia's leg in Hisui
The twins can perform full medical care on any Pokémon and can often grind for hours nonstop since they can heal their teams themselves. They also save a lot on healing items this way
After releasing their diagnosis, the perception of the twins have gone in wildly different directions. Some people treat them as subhuman or as monsters, some people don't care, some people call them psycho yandere boys on twitter. Emmet tends to get more of the negative connotations, Ingo tends to get the more "positive" ones. Emmet also tends to get a lot of stares due to his restraint and status as a crazed fighter, which he pretends doesn't get to him
I think that's everything, I'm going to go collapse. Hope you guys enjoy 👍
#tw straitjacket#straitjacket#tw mental health#tw mental illness#submas#submas au#au#ingo#subway master ingo#ingo pokemon#nobori#emmet#subway master emmet#emmet pokemon#kudari#Version 1 is Emmet being absolutely deranged and Ingo getting him locked in the psych ward out of fear for his reputation and#Version 2 is Ingo being crazy and throwing Emmet under the bus when he almost gets discovered#for those who were wondering. Version 3 is best because they get to be obsessed and they drag each other further in together ♥#honestly this probably outranks Severed for my riskiest AU so I wonder how this is gonna turn out#hope this won't be the end of my career#anyways fun fact: this song is inspired by an old submas song!#Maniac Man led to me making the first version‚ then eventually I kept sketching until we got here#oh I just remembered‚ there's one scene from this AU that I think would be really funny to draw#The subway gets an overcrowding warning one day because they're holding a special event and passengers keep coming in while the twins are o#they were STARVED for battles that day though‚ so they call a Code Indigo and essentially turn the Multi lines into a 2 on 6 to get through#more passengers faster. They were absolutely exhausted by the end but damn if they didn't have fun messing around with the passengers
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I have only one word and one word only : CRI CRI CRI CRI CRI CRI CRI CRI CRI
"I intended to skip Purgatory 2 to catch up faster on VODs since I was told they were unrelated lore-wise But my biggest mistake was to vibe check all the new players - I was not expecting to completely fall head over heels for Team Capybara, hot damn I love them all so much ????" - Me, February 2024
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I took @sunshinetomioka's werewolf Guill headcanon and ran with it btw, credit to it
#you have no idea how painful it was of a dilemma for me to only pick one outfit for Jinki i am so bitter about it#JimmyBoyyy#Bastet#Bagi#TheGuill84#Scottonauta#Jinkiwinkki#the common factors between all the brazilians is the nose piercing#wait no actually this Bagi design doesn't have one here for some reason but my usual one does#btw i was hesitant for a long time before posting this because I didn't know what to think of my Bagi design U_U#Bagi is a veteran player which means I came up with a design for her months ago AND seperately from the Purgatory 2 new crew#and I had this artistic direction with all my other designs for veteran players that they would all look bruised and bloodied with dirty-#-torned up clothes and what not because it was Purgatory 1 back then (which is why my poor girl Bagi looks rOuGH here)#but then when I started drawing the new players I made them all look shiny and brand new#and I still cleaned up Bagi in her Purg2 version (no blood on her outfit !!) but she still clashes a bit with everyone else so idk man.#Also theres my watermark on this one when i said i wouldnt do that anymore for q fanarts#because this post has been up and ready since February and I lost the original files because I have a bad habit of not ctrl+S#ah et à mes mutu fr : Guill c'était le seul fr de tout qsmp dont je n'avais jamais regardé le contenu avant voilàdesbisousbye#qsmp#purgatory 2#qsmp purgatory 2#mcyt#my art
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happy halloween!
and happy scream fortress! make sure to complete your contracts before it ends!
#i literally speedran this drawing in 3 hours. which is pretty quick. mostly because i just painted over the skeleton from the medic taunt#wanted to make a poster but it didnt turn out good so here's semi paint-over semi drawing instead fghghj#also yea this is my vampire red medic loadout. specifically red medic. blu medic still looks like the one from intro post#this drawing probably doesnt look good on mobile... didnt check yet but something tells me it'd be too dark and/or oversaturated#upd: edited the drawing on mobile but now idk how it looks on laptop so I'm leaving both versions#there are def anatomical inaccuracies for which i apologize but in my defence i didnt sleep in so long and im v tired (and lazy) dfgdfgdfg#tf2#team fortress 2#team fortress two#team fortress 2 medic#medic tf2#tf2 medic#tf2 fanart#team fortress fanart#painting sky blu art#tf2 scream fortress#cw blood#tw blood
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I drew myself a wallpaper with a morning Souda, because who, if not me
You also can use them as wallpaper on your phone if you want, I don't mind♡
The regular and slightly more vintage version is at your service
Tumbler greatly spoils the quality of the picture, so I uploaded them in their original quality to Google drive (sorry if this is inconvenient, I don't really understand such things)
#I finally finished it haha#This is a little different from the original idea#I started drawing this thinking about a very homely and sloppy Souda#With unpainted dark hair roots without eyeliner without a hat without a overalls and wearing glasses and not lenses#But in the end because of the lighting and other things it looked too cumbersome#So in the final version there were only dark eyes without lenses and ??it seems¿¿ the absence of eyeliner#Although the idea was defeated now at least he looks like himself#You can also share screenshots of your desktop with me if you want to use this wallpaper#it will be very interesting to me!#Oh where's the tag about how the hell I love Souda#Here is this#I fucking love this guy#kazuichi souda#Kazuichi soda#souda kazuichi#soda kazuichi#Danganronpa#danganronpa kazuichi#danganronpa 2#danganronpa 2 goodbye despair#goodbye despair#dangan ronpa
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a doctor turned serial killer turned doctor again, an actor who paints, a gang leader, a mining baron, and a vice overseer walk into the room.
oh yeah and they lead karnaca now.
dishonored 2 is my fav game but i think it's mid, story-wise. here's why dh1 works and why dh2's overarching story sorta misses
tl;dr: story integration is critical for gameplay that offers audience payoff, but emily's personal arc from dishonor to honor is inconsistently demonstrated in the story, and is not an interactive part of the gameplay.
essay/long version under cut >
recap: what's dishonored's deal
[skip if you want] dh1 is an underdog story: corvo is an honorable man swept up in the machinations of a callous city, so his canonical ending being 'this child will rule over an empire' isn't about the child's rule but rather about corvo's reputation being restored in a more hopeful city, due to his & the player's rejection of the violent connotations of the tagline 'revenge solves everything.'
similarly, in dh1 DLCs, daud's story arc is that of an anti-hero: a dishonorable man who realises too late he has done irreparable harm. he sees the error of his ways after a single monumental death, and eventually a single life redeems him when he/the player stepped in to circumvent a terrible fate for a child, enabling her to rule unfettered.
daud & corvo come to a satisfying conclusion within the extent of their narrative arcs. it doesn't matter that a child on a throne isn't really a fix for a decaying empire - the player's actions throughout the city of dunwall was what mattered - and these stories could be framed as parables. in that sense, young emily as a ruler is a metaphor for a hopeful future for the city & empire.
dishonored 1 & its DLCs are also great examples of storytelling with perfectly integrated gameplay - you, the player, worked towards the outcome that redeemed the protagonists.
in your efforts to save young emily, you either achieved a good outcome (corvo) or prevented a worse outcome (daud).
bringing us to dh2 -
what's emily's arc
emily's arc is a coming of age: we're introduced to a reigning empress who questions her role & skillset ("am i the empress my mother wanted me to be?"), then her titular fall from grace occurs. from there, she learns to reject the violent, selfish connotations in 'take back whats yours' tagline (a la daud & corvo!) while rediscovering why her rule is critical to the empire.
emily's rule is no longer metaphorical, but:
a literal thing for audience assessment (is emily a good ruler?) AND
the crux of her storyline.
at the beginning of dh2, emily is introduced as a disengaged leader ("i wish i could just run away from all this;" "i dont know if whether i should sail to the opposite side of the world, or have everyone around me executed"). the antihero has a precedent for the dishonored series in daud, so it's not at first glance an issue*, however, the fact that emily has ruled poorly reframes corvo & daud's endings as being less than ideal (a moralistic retcon) *we could talk here about how ready an audience was in 2016 for a flawed women as a protagonist, hell, even in 2023,,,
throwback to the beginning of this essay when i said:
'this child will rule over an empire' isn't about the child's rule but rather about corvo's reputation
emily's story arc, unlike for daud & corvo, is literally about the quality of her rule. we're no longer in metaphor territory (ironic phrase): a parable-style ending doesn't work.
does emily become a good ruler
we know she becomes a good ruler because the game says so. it is narrated to the audience via a (literal) word of god in the space of 30 seconds, after the final boss. the outsider tells us that emily becomes known as Just & Clever.
drawing a distinction here - this narration is not the same as the player actively being involved.
the player does not throughout the game become aware that emily has made political allies. during the game, she doesn't talk to these characters about saving karnaca or being a better ruler to the empire (there's a few lines might imply it, but you need to be actively looking and being careful to wait for every voice line. it's a far cry from daud & corvo's fight to save emily being unmissable - even though daud doesn't know at the beginning that's the goal).
how does the game show it
you can coincidentally not kill most of your subjects and never be aware that emily is looking to restore karnaca by means of instating a council - it's never brought up. it *couldn't* be brought up, because that council serves under the fake duke (armando), who is the last person she speaks to before she leaves for dunwall. its her suggestion that he rules karnaca, but armando's condition is that he will rule as he sees fit.
to back up a bit, emily's canonical method of restoring karnaca is by banding together key allies - hypatia, stilton, [byrne &or paolo], pastor, under a council beneath the duke's body double. they are passionate people who would each individually make worthwhile advisors, but if you think about those characters sitting at a table trying to reach an agreement, it feels like an assortment of people that emily didn't kill along the way and doesn't feel organic (up to interpretation). it's not stated if emily herself banded this council together, but logically she must have (worth a mention these are mostly characters that you as the player had reasonable rationale to kill during a high chaos run, except pastor). the underlying concept may be that karnaca's power is returned to its people - which is interesting given that the monarchy remains and armando's decision is final.
this overarching solution could also be taken as a critique to dh1's 'put your kid on the throne,' which is another reason its worthwhile looking at how emily was shown to be a better leader. obviously my point isn't that her solution was bad given the circumstance, but i mean she has very little agency here in all. if emily was shown to be more controlling as a leader, this could be interpreted as character growth, but that's not the case.
coming of age
how do you learn & grow when you can't specify your failings? emily doesn't really touch on her shortcomings as an empress. she non-specifically worries delilah makes a better empress than her. it's hard to argue her worries are meaningful when someone good at their job will still worry when lives are in the balance.
emily's best 'aha' moments (eg. crack in the slab comment about gaining perspective) are consistently undercut by a conversation with sokolov or meagan afterwards in which she demonstrates she hasn't learned anything (before the grand palace, emily condemns 'toadies sucking up to me' and is reminded by meagan that she's part of the problem). the story is confused about what it's trying to say about emily's progress, and when she's meant to show progress, if she was meant to show any progress at all. it could be argued that emily was never even a bad ruler, she had just been fed misinformation about the problems in karnaca and been the victim of slander by her political enemies. the game doesn't make this clear - it's easier to argue that the opposite is true given that her allies only have criticism.
worth a mention here that the heart quotes about armando - a fake ruler - interestingly mirror emily's character concerns. "see how he sighs? his life is a gilded cage." but this essay is already long.
while corvo & daud spend their games (and through the gameplay) 'earning' their redemption, emily is being led by the NPCs around her to a conclusion and a fix for the political mess in karnaca: meagan & sokolov guide emily to her missions, and there's no recurring quest for emily to investigate possible allies. she is able to gather the people she hasn't killed to herself by manner of... post-game narration. during the game, she's primarily concerned with getting her throne back.
an easy fix: if there had been less dialogue & narrative focus on emily's failings perhaps the ending would have felt more satisfying. it has the feel of cut content, but i don't know what was cut to be able to comment on it.
so what went wrong?
i can't help but wonder if arkane were worried they would lose a certain demographic if corvo wasn't playable (may have been deemed too much of a risk - 2013 was a different time), and so they had to take out story elements that were unique to emily's growth as a character/empress, because the usual storyline/gameplay integration had to work for both characters - in other words, gameplay that made sense for both corvo & emily was prioritised before emily's story & character development. which is a silly problem to have in a game that added character voices for the sake of improving characterisation - maybe emily's tale would have felt more akin to a parable if she had less lines that betrayed her ignorance (to the disdain of those around her).
i wish more care had been taken with emily's story. most players will never really notice the large variety of different endings - they're not particularly satisfying in and of themselves.
it's ironic that one of Emily's complaints is about her father/protector being overbearing, when his (parallel universe) presence in the gameplay may be one of the reasons her own narrative arc falls flat.
what are the upsides here
changing tune from what didn't work - don't you think the concept is fantastic? it's a great idea overall - can you imagine if the coming of age storyline was better integrated into the game?
it's valuable to talk about the integration of story and gameplay and characterisation from a craft perspective. dh2 genuinely is my favourite game - it's beautiful, the imm-sim design philosophy makes the world a delight to explore, the combat gives endless creative options for tackling any fight, there is a far greater diversity of cast in an in-text canonical way. there's loads to love!
i love emily as a dodgy leader, to me it adds interesting dimensionality to the outsider's narrations - of course in dunwall there's never a neat happily ever after! emily, like the outsider, both work well as characters who hold ultimate power but aren't necessarily worthy of it - and this makes perfect sense for the dishonored universe's morality & critiques of power. however, within this grey area there's still plenty of room for a satisfying ending, which isn't what we ended up with, whatever the true reason for that was. and also, damn, emily's a marked assassin empress, if she can't lead well then who can?
while dh1 was criticised for its narrative simplicity, dh2 in contrast and in hindsight shows us that simplicity isn't so bad - there's satisfaction in gameplay achieves a clear, simple narrative goal.
#are you a dh1 enjoyer but less so a dh2 enjoyer?#have you ever wondered why you don't love dh2 as much?#here's 1.8k words that might articulate some of that.#light reading.i guess#this essay wasn't meant to cover everything - just the core of the plot and why its important to integrate story & gameplay#and to compare dh1 & 2#dishonored#dishonored 2#dishonored 2 spoilers#emily kaldwin#daud#corvo attano#this week i'm cracking things out of my drafts!#<333 don't get me started on doto.#some of this might be contentious. idk i try to live in a bubble#the meme version was easier to read i know i know#this essay would have been a lot longer had i integrated more references from the game#i know a few others have said this but imagine if they went a different way with emily#like she realises shes not fit for the job and maybe no one is and says fuck the system cause shes got a rebellious streak#and does a kickflip on the monarchy and institutes something else. i dont even care what. make it funny#and then for the sake of continuing the trend we spend dishonored 3 undoing the horrible leadership emily instates <3#i think they really loved emily as a character. i FEEL the love i believe its there.but didn't think enough bout how she would be perceived#there's a good couple comments from baldur's gate 3 devs about how much work goes into writing women to account for sexism#there's more that i could have added to this essay but for brevity's (ha.ha) sake i'll leave it there#other textposts about this game that i see around tend to romanticise dishonoreds story a little more
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Wish the party loyalist "stop making Harris look bad bc Trump" people would realize that a) denying reality is exactly what the right does and b) it is on the candidate to win votes by not being a genocide enabling sellout moderate getting endorsed by the fucking Cheneys for her hawkishness on foreign policy while promising little for people at home, not on the voter disillusioned by said issues that the candidate could rectify
#i say i'm done but seeing another one of those posts will make me roll my eyes hard again#this has been going on since 2016 and it's wild how much narrower the overton window has gotten to push these neoliberals#trump is shit but his being shit does not absolve blue team of the shit and blood on their hands#people really need to demand more for their votes#when they lose GA and NC bc of reneging on those $2K checks or saying no to giving Helene victims more aid#[and likely FL too if they follow suit with Milton swinginess aside]#the same people will likely rage at the people left to their rubble for not voting harder#like i'm sure they have at the muslims so rightly outraged at our support for the 🇵🇸 genocide that they refuse to vote for either party#meanwhile i get an email from work saying we have more payroll deductions this next year for our healthcare plans and there's been no talk#of M4A or even some mealy-mouthed means-tested version of it to win votes#and ofc there's student loans starting back up and their burning even more youth votes they were already losing with Gaza#let alone record homelessness... a housing crisis... lead/chemical poisonings... and so on#'we can push her left' they say knowing she takes money from people opposed to her going left on any policies--#and that they're going to brunch anyway#'fascism 2 is coming' *points at Dem-admin/Dem-mayor cop cities* *points at IG accounts being censored bc of being pro-Palestine* been here#anyway pre bed vent over 😴
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my idea for a new clock studios ride. please signal boost this so that this ride can be at clock studios.
#Honkai Star Rail#Mickey's Dick Smasher#Clockie#Vio's art tag#context: nobody made a clockie version of mickey's dick smasher as far as i know and i'm Upset about it#have to do EVERYTHING around here#also im in italy and will be on a cruise from tomorrow till the 21st so i might not have free wi-fi#and i am le broke so i am NOT paying for that shit#you're all gonna have to deal with radio silence until i go home and go back to being insane#anyhow. im not tagging aventurine cause 1: this isnt about him and 2: i know aventurine fans who would crucify me for this#i dont HATE him or anything i just didnt know who else to put#anyhow GOODNIGHT LADS (collapses)
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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble
I will not be brief, all under the cut
To clear some things right off the bat:
No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.
Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality
The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.
This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.
Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:
Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.
All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.
Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).
And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.
At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.
I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.
Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.
This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.
It shifts something between them.
From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.
As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.
Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.
Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.
I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.
I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.
I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.
As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.
I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.
Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great
#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one#i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking#and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped#i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format#anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head#idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope#im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT#ieytd#john juniper#reginald crane#junicrane#starstruck#i expect you to die#<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that#the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two#make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL#GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga#thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry
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Day After Day | 日复一日
25k | T | Weilan | Case Fic, Undercover Married, Grief
Shen Wei swallows. “And this is why you asked me to—” he makes a vague gesture that means go undercover as your husband “—pretend with you.” Zhao Yunlan comes to a stop, eyes on Shen Wei. “That’s why the cover is a married couple. The reason I’m asking you is because there are no other options for people to go undercover with.” Shen Wei scoffs to give himself an excuse to look away. “You certainly know how to flatter someone, Zhao Yunlan.” Or: Four Haixingren disappear for two months after a stay at a romantic mountain retreat. Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan book a weekend there to find out what happened.
it's finally here!!! my beloved fic for the 520 day guardian reverse exchange! this was written for trobadora, who gave me the most delicious set of ideas to fit into a story. it was so fun.
i have no idea how to describe this fic, frankly - this is, hands down, the most complex and most heartwrenching and most incredible thing i've ever written in my entire life.
here is a list of some things in it: a kiss, a mystery, a change of heart. old chinese people, dark energy world-building, lesbians, big-time character parallels, forgery of documents, rainstorms, rowboats, lollipop symbolism, [redacted], bedsharing, grading, the stupidest undercover name ever. zhao yunlan described with so many light metaphors. shen wei being the most shen wei i could make him.
read Day After Day | 日复一日 on ao3 here!
#guardian#weilan#zhao yunlan#shen wei#zhen hun#镇魂#banner post#520 day reverse exchange#man this fic is just so. its so. guys. i can't even say. this is SO personal and also SO a product of these exact two months of my life#truly this is just MY personal ideal weilan casefic that i lucked into being able to write as a gift fic#i remember talking to d in mid-april coming up w/ the case premise and they were like 'wow this will be complex to write' (paraphrased)#and i was like 'wow yeah ahaha. i love the idea though. maybe i'll just write one part' HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. haha. hah.#now that its done the last month and a half lowkey feels like a fever dream. the total count of hours i was literally sitting and writing i#a frankly alarming number when considering it happened in the context of a month#god this was SO FUCKING FUN though. i got to think SOOOOOOOO much about 1) including so much chinese stuff from my childhood in here#and 2) making references to chinese chengyu that i learned over the last four months of nonstop watching cdramas#and 3) soooooooooooooooo much additional meaning in the names of everybody and everything possible haha#anyway. mwah THANK YOU I LOVE YOU to everybody who is being so fucking niceys to me about this fic. i love you!! you are making me so happy#520 day fic 2024#<- if you want to see cut scenes from this / earlier versions of this fic. they are in this tag#my fic
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my thesis advisor asking me to send them my current draft, and me suddenly realizing I somehow haven’t written a single fucking sentence in 2 weeks, dudes it’s a pr nightmare (been hella unproductive the past weeks idk what tf happened)
#(I’ve been watching mike’s mic and ’’it’s a pr crisis’’ abt anything embarrassing happening is so funny to me)#what do I say lol#should just be honest bc what else is there to do but lord I don’t want to#but like can’t get like couple pages out today I have other things to get done#I think I’ll promise to send it like by the end of the week and mf haul ass starting from thursday#idk everybody does their bachelor’s thesis during like the last 2 weeks that’s just how it is and I’m just following the footprint#blueprint* 😔 is what I meant and I’m on the mobile app cant edit tags#anyways I’ll respond by tonight I need to think and maybe try to pull together a page or two#so I could be like ’’havent done much I’ll send a better version by the end of this week but here’s the current one anyways in case’’#ba thesis struggle diary#april 2024#2024
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one of my best friends is about to have a baby today........... so weird to be on the periphery of something so life changing. I want to go "life is going to change forever" as if it hasn't already
#I was thinking last night about how different we both are from the versions of us that were being young and active and busy and fit in pgh#before the pandemic and before her very targeted focused dating efforts yielded her the result she wanted (her now-husband)#[also I don't say that cattily lol she had the most coolheaded and down-to-business approach to dating bc she knew what she wanted.#and it worked!]#anyways I think back on that halcyon year of 2019 when we went to spin classes and spent every weekend doing something#or hanging out in her tiny mt. washington studio where we could watch downtown buzz at night#truly it was such a short period of time in retrospect. she convinced me to move here + then a year and a half later the whole world changed#and so too did we#I miss the her of those years (and I miss the me) but I'm making peace with not getting her back. it's cool to see her on this new journey#which she has worked so very hard for. like I cannot overstate the methodical and intentional way in which she has shaped her life to be#what she wants out of it. accounting for many bumps along the way that she's weathered admirably.#anyways within the next 48 hours she should be a mom. that's crazy#I feel weird when everyone around me is making lifechanging moves while I'm ''ho hum where should I go on vacation in the next 2 years'' lol#ay yai yai. strange to not want things other people want and being fine with that until you start losing touchpoints with your peers#then you're like. hang on now. what am I supposed to be doing right now
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i swear that if 2023 pulls another bad reboot on one of my favourite childhood shows, i WILL sue
#putting this here before 2022 ends so that 2023 has a warning (thundercats roar was on 2020 then winx fate 2021 and that MH movie 2022)#winx club#thundercats 2011#monster high#fate the winx saga#thundercats roar#monster high the movie#winx club reboot#thundercats reboot#monster high reboot#thundercats 2011 was ALREADY a good reboot from the oldies like what was roar TRYING to do (if anything the 2011 version NEEDS a season 2)#don't get me started on fate i wanted my floriven content but not like this no no no this was an intentional hate crime against me#the MH movie goddddd i don't even wanna watch the whole thing when the trailer served THAT - gen 3 lowkey looks cute but the changes 😭😭#summer.txt#smmrdts#smmrdts: memes
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i’m listening to those literary demerit episodes on dirty laundry feeling like a klance scholar rn and also shaking my fist at the fucking sky because clearly a lot of klance fic was influenced by it and god.......i wish i could live in a different timeline......we gotta do better this time soldiers. give me in character fic im on my knees begging.
#the way that sad twink keith had a fucking CHOKEHOLD ON THE LONG FICS#im smacking it away from me i dont want it#this is why i think i like later season fics better usually#bc people write them as like serious and tired and it feels more real 2 me#idk i love the early season dynamic i just wish.......idk#every day i feel like i get on here and complain about the quality of the popular voltron fics im so sorry lmao#ive found some genuinely good short ones i just was always someone who liked reading long fics but i still. cant find. good ones.#also i feel like when i say in character i mean the versions that live in my head but erm im right so....#me and all my mutuals....we're right....#colleen thoughts
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