#so here is. the inside of my brain

[hollywoodsargeant]

logan smile thesis

so as someone who is both obsessed with logan sargeant and generally really abnormal about smiles when it comes to men i find attractive... i present: me yelling about logan sargeant's smile for entirely too long. because i have a lot of thoughts and feelings about him (and a lot of time on my hands)

i've said it before and i'll say it again: i really like logan's smile!! especially when he smiles really big and his eyes get all squinty to a point where you can barely see them, like. you want to see me fail. and i am failing. so thank you. BUT that is actually not the point of My Thesis

this is the thesis.

okay. uhm. voice of someone who is very normal he very rarely smiles with his teeth when he knows his photo is being taken. there definitely are pictures of him out there where he's looking straight at the camera and full-smiling with his teeth, but the vast majority of pictures where you can tell he knows the camera is there he tends to smile like the left image: lips closed, and lopsided skewing right

LIKE. yeah. emphasis on the middle photo pretty much every selfie i've seen of him with a fan he smiles without teeth -- there's only one i can think of off the top of my head that's different, and it was with like a little kid if i remember correctly (i am logan sargeant encyclopedia)

either way look at this guy and his shut-mouthed grin. so intentional

and on that, most of (if not all) of the selfies he posts on his instagram stories he smiles like this. or just doesn't smile at all, which he also does in plenty of photos, but are you really an f1 driver if there aren't nine billion pictures of you on the internet looking like you want to murder somebody?? not the point of this post

i just think it is interesting that when he takes pictures of himself, he doesn't smile with his teeth. it's the little sideways grin or nothing at all

so most pictures i've seen where he is smiling with teeth he's just. not looking at the camera. or it's one where you can tell he was in the middle of laughing so it's just-- more candid. i mentioned it before but yes there definitely are pictures of him smiling for the camera, and not just around a camera, but there are so few of them (that i've seen) that i made this entire tumblr post about nonsense. so. do with that what you will

also. he's been doing it since he was a kid. + bonus oscar

[helmip]

tightly wound

[lucabyte]

i burned the bridges thoroughly but still everyone's trusting me again and i should be relieved but it happened so suddenly (and i know in my heart i haven't earned this, but everyone acts like my concern isn't a problem like nothing is wrong with my very involvement)

but i know how the song ends (x)

[tuckedawaytulip]

Idk how good of an idea this is, but my brain has been rotating the idea of Martin having an emotional breakdown of sorts at some point past when everyone has usually gone home, and trying to hide in Jon's office so he can cry about his fears of friends getting replaced. Only to find Jon hasn't quite left yet and he ends up getting comforted by Jon.

[piromina]

I’ve been reading your posts about Beast-Yeast 8 and, uh.

Isn’t it interesting that the Light of Truth only speaks up exactly ONCE during this entire episode and when it does, it’s talking to Shadow Milk Cookie?

anon you have just brought this to my attention and the answer is YES 100%!!!

here's the entire exchange screenshotted, and analysed for reference!

the exchange happens DIRECTLY after the whole thing where shadow milk and pure vanilla become "one and the same" — each with their own other-realms to control.

now, the light of truth comes in with a completely black background. usually when we see it, it's pure vanilla in the abyss of his soul, surrounded by blue glowing eyes and twisting and turning in the darkness. shadow milk's other-realm, really.

and its line: "is it truly YOUR will?" can imply very many things.

we all know the light of truth is shadow milk cookie. that's why when we saw this exchange, we stopped, paused — immediately knew this wasn't the REAL light. we've got an imposter on our hands, and it seems to know something about Shadow Milk's past that we don't.

after the exchange, he is SHOCKED. but not just shocked — is that ... uncertainty? shadow milk, "fount of knowledge," master of all his plans, always one step ahead, not knowing something.

or maybe he does know something. maybe he knows who this imposter light of truth is. he SEEMS to recognise them, thus is his reaction. if shadow milk was faced with a light of truth suddenly talking to him, one that is not him, and he didn't know who it was, don't you think his reaction would be something different? more confused? more in denial? he would suspect something like it being pure vanilla reaching out to him, trying to scare him — and I'm not saying this isn't pure vanilla, but don't you think he would have reacted more ... "oh, I know what you're doing, stop trying to get to me, you're not fooling anybody" and not like THIS??

he MUST know who exactly this is. yes, maybe this is pure vanilla. propaganda for this theory being that he now has control over his OWN other-realm, and thus would be able to make a connection like this. maybe this is shadow milk cookie himself, or at least the hidden part of him (which would explain the "is this YOUR will" part. maybe this is the part of him that wanted to find out everything there was to know, to quote the crk 4th website. but then something happened, and deceit took over, and that part of him was hidden away.)

it could be ANYONE. for all we know, this could be one of the witches. this could be elder faerie. this could be someone that knows something about shadow milk, or someone who was involved in his past. we don't know.

but one thing I'd like to point out: BEFORE this exchange, the two realms were split: one side clearly vanilla's and the other being shadow milk's. but when he wakes up ... it's all pure vanilla. AND:

maybe it's just me, but he seems GENUINELY shocked here. genuinely afraid. mad? confused. DESPERATE.

and, he cannot control his other-realm anymore. it's vanished. more propaganda for pure vanilla somehow being involved in that light of truth showing up. he threw shadow milk into an abyss, saw his opportunity, and took it.

and THAT is truly one of the best points in this entire episode of beast-yeast.

[daemon-in-my-head]

Bout that essay titled 'A study of Gortash's twisted love of humanity'- yk what fuck it here goes nothing. Back into a facists megalomaniacs mind we go. Spoiler; this is long.

But first of all; let's do a thought experiment. Let's just assume, for shits and giggles, Gortash's position would've somehow been swapped with any other the other chosen or another Banite:

Let's start with the Banites: if we had gotten anyone except for Gortash Baldur's Gate would've been fucked. Like genuinely. Banites are cruel, vicious, unashamedly gaudy (they suck ass at infiltration missions) and they exploit loopholes perhaps even better than fiends. Any other Banite would've simply reveled in the fear caused by rampant myrkulites and bhaalists and probably stoked that fire by employing some of their own forces. And depending on whether the Zhents join the winning side or not they would've probably used and abused the black network to absolutely dominate trade and potentially choke out every non desirable in the city itself by fun activities such as grand scale slavery, starving an entire city, or simply employing enough mercenaries and some Bhaalist to get the job done. Banites fuck everyone over so hard they usually don't even stop at themselves, and prideful cruel beings who know absolutely no bounds in their desire for power commonly don't hesitate, especially not Banites who thrive in backstabbing. So the other chosen and the grand design are fucked cuz they will most certainly get removed for the sake of someone more desirable the second they somehow irk Banes favourite toy. Which in some specific cases (all of them) would be in 5 minutes flat. If you thought the local nobility was bad just wait until you see a Banite in their natural environment.

Ketheric: Yeah Baldur's Gate is fucked. Ketheric cares about one thing and one thing only; Isobel. And he employs a bunch of sadistic necromancers who have no concept of personal boundaries or consent for that matter, so chances are he'd let them roam freely in Baldur's Gate, making the streets a huting ground for his followers to find prime subjects to perform inhumane experiments on all while he turns a blind eye; either busy trying to get Isobel under his (mind-) control, reviving her or treating a brainless puppet that looks and once was his daughter like his one true solution to decades of grief and fucking up. He wouldn't care about what happens to the city, to the other chosen or even the grand design. He'd follow his gods orders but thats about it and no matter whether that's still Myrkul or Bane; everyone's fucked cuz surpringly the guy who adores lichdom more than life and the other guy who'd rather 'burn everyone's fields than loose' aren't about to give out any orders that will benefit anyone but themselves.

Orin: Another great case of 'yeah Baldur's Gate is fucked'. Orin wants one thing and one thing only: recognition. Preferably from Bhaal but she'd take anyone at this point. The problem about this whole thing is, she's been conditioned and instilled with so much self-loathing my dearest murder princess can't even begin to realise when she's getting shown any sort of adoration anymore and immediately understands it as mockery, see, for example, her butler. Is what I would say if their corpse wasn't chilling in Durges old bedroom. All Orin would do is stage ever grander and more elaborate public massacres and involuntary 'anatomy displays'. Baldur's Gate wouldn't simply be fucked; give her a week, and the majority of it would be dead. This works well for Bhaal, but for anyone else, it would kinda suck. Including the other two of the dead three. And the cult would probably still loathe her simply due to her not being a true Bhaalspawn, so cue Orin's madness reaching an absolute boiling point. She doesn't and would never care for any of the other chosen or the grand design. Unless she's reigned in, she's a utterly loose canon, even more so than she was already, with Gortash or Durge at the helm, respectively.

Now time for my favourite of the reckless murder hobos; Durge. Given the few in game notes we have Durge had a thing for obliteration. Including but not limited to every living being + themselves. So let's just assume Gortash’s cocky upstart charm and Orins assassination attempt didn't work out as planned and they are still the de facto leader but now without any leash. Baldur's Gate is probably obliterated. Alongside whatever else remains of the sword coast. Or Troil. They'd probably also have some weird ass fuck relationship with the brain cuz they already did without being the undisputed leader. And the brain would probably discard the grand design themselves cuz somehow Durge has that effect on things (might be the innate charm magic of Bhaalist priests that they use to convince people to join a literal murder cult). Either way, with Durge not giving a single damn about the other chosen, any plans but Bhaals (or their misunderstood version of it) and a dramatic love for self-obliteration, it may finally be time to remedy the elves' mistake and rip Abeir-Toril apart properly. Ao hates this trick, alongside everyone else, probably including Bhaal himself.

Which is all my longwinded way of saying; Gortash is the lesser evil. In any set of circumstances he displays enough leniency, monster fucker vibes and rationality to somehow keep this ruined, sinking ship from hitting the sea floor immediately. He has enough of a twisted love for humanity left, compared to the others, to a degree that he doesn't blindly follow orders or actively seeks the destruction of everything, let alone 'true' domination the way Bane intends to have it.

But yes, indeed, Gortash performed fucked up and cruel experiments. No doubt about that. And yet it was still on a lesser scale than a mad massive hoard of necromancers could, and his experiments, for the most part, actually yielded results, didn't they? Presumably, the Coginator and the remote control brain mechanism used for the Steelwatch. After all, there are zombies(?) in there, controlling that shit. However, the experiments on loving families were probably one of his selfish indulgences and his sorry attempt at figuring out if he was just born loathsome and his family sucks ass or if that's normal and humanity doesn't deserve a second chance. Or a 30th. FR lore is fucked up.

This is also a great transition to exhibit B of my thesis why Gortash does in fact love or is at the very very very least heavily intrigued by humanity; the sole existence of the Steelwatch. Listen, my guy serves Bane. Bane hates planning. He likes immediate results. So much so he actively pisses off his situationship Bhaal for it. Repeatedly. And he likes fear and tyranny. So what do you think the chances are that the black hand would actually enjoy the thought of a mecha army patrolling the streets of Baldur's Gate, keeping them save, and worst of all, instilling hope in the hearts of the populous, peasants and nobles alike? Yeah, absolutely fucking none. And yet Gortash did that. And he's not even just a regular banite. He's Banes chosen. He carries a part of Bane's divinity within himself. He has the de facto highest position in the local faith. He's Banes favourite toy rn. He's the centre of attention and he still goes out of his way to use things that could 1000% inspire fear and hatred to sow fucking hope and a sense of safety of all things in plain sight? I bet his adorable wrinkly ass that Bane wasn't happy and that even a thousand rituals to redeem his leniency won't save him from getting tortured extra hard for this fuck up. And considering the state of the Banites scriptures we found, and his entire character, Gortash is smart enough to know this is something Bane absolutely loathes. And yet my guy did that.

Another thing is the hive mind. Bane would probably not hate it outright, as its still 'burning the fields' by turning souls illithid, but it's wasted potential. Because there's so many great things you can do with a hivemind and the remote control over people's thoughts and emotions, for example instilling fear and terror the very things Bane loves. But that's, once again, not Gortash plan. If the notes and one of the evil endings is anything to go by the hivemind doesn't trap people in a state of torment, it does the polar opposite. People are happy, enjoying a better, simpler and nicer life. Enjoying an idea of what their life could've been like. They're smiling, happy, enjoying a casual market stroll and the bountiful rewards of the fields. Which is all things that a good Banite should hate and never inflict on someone. AND YET that's presumably Gortashs plan. Create a hivemind where everyone can dream happily and do soulless labour without noticing it while the world goes to absolute shit but the people do not. It's basically noah's arc. It's paradise in hell. The people are 'saved' while the gods continue to fight their petty games, and Gortash alone lords over this perfect dream. Protecting it answer using it to advance further.

Now, about the busts found in his office. Most of them depicted rather unsavoury, cruel people. Except for one. Which honours a self made person who took pity on those who had less. On those considered lesser by the upright and honourable citizens of the Gate. It's weird how, between all those symbols and testaments to cutlery and tyranny, there's still a sliver of empathy, renegade justice and even care for fellow humans imbued, isn't it? And what's even weirder, all of them are found in Gortash's most private place? His own little office hidden far above the grandeur of the throne room and the Fortress, where he sits at the helm, lording over his subjects and scheming his little plans? This is an excellent example of show, don't tell btw. It's hitting you over the head with the implications. But just in case, this might very well be a reflection of Gortashs mind itself and the visible expression of him being incapable of letting go of humanity as a whole, still carrying it somewhere not even that well buried between the resentment and cruelty but out in plain view for everyone curious enough to touch it because what others reason would he have tob'play the benelovent ruler' in a place where no one sees it? Where only his most trusted and fellow Banites mingle?

And, ofc, as I am a durgetash truther, another exhibit. Him fucking Bhaals gore baby and putting a leash on it prematurely. You see, I've already talked about Banes likes and dislikes plenty so it should come as no surprise that the Edgelord Surpreme wouldn't hate carnage wrought upon foolish mortals by idiots who follow lesser gods than himself, since it would still somehow contribute to people being scared and panicking. But Gortash, being the ever faithful fuck up of a Banite, reigns in the Bhaalist and even the Myrkulites enough for that to kinda never really happen. He stopped the carnage from happening altogether, in fact, by giving the others enough scraps to keep them satisfied and from acting out but not enough freedom to fuck up his plans. I mean, heck he was apparently so convincing he managed to get Durge, again, biggest fan of self-obliteration, from going on an apocalyptic rampage cuz 'daddy I like his brain and I don't mean for dinner'. Him doing that actively contributed to preventing another Bhaalspawn crisis, which could've very well happened with Bhaals resurgence and revival, 2.5 loose canons and no ward of a random old guy in sight. But also him providing a clear goal and orders for Ketheric kept the lich from giving in to the sweet release of just not caring at all whatsoever. Everyone had their designated roles and boundaries and that was perhaps the only thing keeping this group of mentally unstable creatures from unleashing an apocalyptic nightmare; which again would've worked in their gods favour and technically didn't need any prevention.

And about the Gondians... Yeah this is gonna sound fucked up, cuz it is, but Gortash is actually treating them exceptionally nice. Their families are actually still alive and its not just a lie he's telling them, we don't actually see anyone getting flayed, strung up or tortured in some other way outright, they actually get to wear clothes and presumably they're fed enough to a degree that most of them can still somewhat work and the collar and the threat of your head exploding does suck but he could've also simply chained them to their work stations but they aren't. Let alone use charms or other beguiling and fucked up magic to force them into complacency. And they're not being resold or redistributed or forced to serve some random ass guy. The Gondians are, from a Forgotten Realms and probably Bane's perspective, treated exceptionally well. As are their families. Still undoubtedly fucked up and kinda sadistic with the whole explosion collar but objectively speaking he's one of the nicer slave masters. And they do allow him to produce the Steel Watchers en mass which once again contributes to the overall safety of Baldurs Gate and its other citizens. Still the lesser evil.

Though to be fair; Gortash also did some things Bane would really celebrate. Like somehow cheating his way into obtaining the Iron Throne, fucking Bhaals favourite and most fucked up """"child"""" and of course, keeping his parents alive and in agony to eternally fuel Banes fear kink. Except, it's only Sally who's afraid. Dravo is basically a blue screen of death personified at this point. He's a hollow, numb husk, isn't he? So somehow this once again doesn't align with Banes goals and Gortash's duty as a Banite. He's fucked it up again. But Gortash could've also simply killed them if all he wanted was revenge. Why go out of your ways, program elaborate scripts into them, keep the very place that testaments his fucked up past in good condition? Because a quick death would be too merciful? But then why is he so quick to turn on Durge if they betray him in a much smaller scale than his parents did. Well, perhaps he chose not to simply kill the very people who prepared Belladonna in the kitchen when he came to visit because he himself still needs them. Because underneath all that rage and spite there's still a broken boy who wants to hear his parents, albeit empty praise, and who wants to prove to them that he can be better? That his useless playing around actually helped better humanity, that he himself helped countess people and made lives better when all they thought he'd be useful as would be a pawn?

So, is it twisted? Yes. Is it rotten? Absolutely. Is it anything you'd consider to be 'conventional'? Absolutely not. But he does hold some wildly fucked up 'love' for humanity, if only as means to a grander goal (that being himself, ofc) or perhaps cuz he's genuinely incapable of letting go. Whether it's that, to spite Raphael, Bane and his parents or someone else, who knows. Probably nobody. But the shit he does is unorthodox and oddly self-sacrificial in a way where I just can't go, 'yeah no he absolutely loathes the sheer existence of the concept'.

I still think it's a missed opportunity he's not trying to build a spelljamming port though. I feel like he would absolutely do that somewhere down the line, if only to limit the black networks influence.

[min-xie]

help i cant stop drawing fem neuvillette

[coolcatsodalite]

Not me sitting here trying to decide if i can turn this Dollzone boy into Skully *sweats nervously*

I think with a small enough brush i could paint the mouth however i want.. and the moon white skin tone (not pictured) they have would be perfect. Will marinate on this and try not to impulse buy but........

[nullapophenia]

hi

hey why does tumblr make numbers so big on their own that's fucked up. like look at this

4

anyways this took like 5 hours and my brain is just gone. enjoy skyfrin

[salsa-di-pomodoro]

Has anyone ever thought of the possibility of people in hisui getting a magazine from AFTER ingo and akari go home with either or both of them on it. Like they've already left and lo and behold in the tail end of the entire mess a magazine appears with one of them on the cover looking fresh stunning and most importantly happy. If it were Ingo i feel like he'd be all dressed up goth on the cover of like Vogue or something lmao (i don't think he wouldn't get famous if he wasn't already after coming home. Theyd want the publicity+cool extint Pokémon on the cover). If it were akari shed probably be like posing all badass like the badass teenager she is, scars in full view (she's a survivor!!!!!!). Inside is a little tidibit of their life after coming home. It would be both funny as hell to see them react to how they are in their element and like connect the dots for their strange behaviors AND bring closure to the people they left in hisui. They may never know this but the people in the past do

If anyone uses this idea tag me i may or may not read it but i want to know if you liked it enough to do something with it. I'll probably just keep daydreaming to myself about it lol

Edit: btw there's a whole section talking about everyone's battle prowess and the battle subway for the funnies. Just so you know

[youling-the-ghost]

copper – a bubbamiah ficlet

As their lips met for the last time, Bubba tasted copper and tears on his tongue. word count: 653

Bubba couldn't believe his eyes at first. The red that he caught in the corner of his peripheral vision must've been an optical illusion, a cruel joke that his senses decided to play on him. He gave the same excuse for the choked gasp that echoed from behind him.

But when he turned and saw Jeremiah with his hands over his abdomen, blood gushing out from a deep stab wound, Bubba felt his heart drop to his toes. A deep overwhelming nausea washed over him; his stomach churned, his head swooned, the world swayed from side to side, but none of that was important.

Bubba moved without thinking. Within a blink of an eye, his hands were stained with wine-red that seeped into every crevice of his fingernails and cuticles and palms and the back of his husband's neck was moved so that it sat atop his knee.

The Cube was long gone, hidden behind walls—symbols of its cowardice. A cry escaped from Bubba's lips, something so strained and animalistic and so painful.

"Oh god—no—"

Blood spilled from the spaces between Bubba's fingers. It was warm, but it didn't stop his fingers from trembling.

Bubba's jacket fought back as he struggled to take it off. Something trickled down his cheek. He couldn't tell if it was blood or tears.

The jacket finally came off and Bubba tied it around the wound with unsteady hands. The green fabric immediately bled crimson.

"Where's the medical area?"

Jeremiah shook his head. "It's no use."

"I ain't givin' up on you!" Those words came out as a strained sob. Bubba swallowed, but the bile stuck in his throat remained.

"Those damn Cubes—they've got a psychic link or whatever—" With every word he spoke, Jeremiah's voice weakened and his breathing grew more rough and uneven. "If I die, they'll think you're dead too."

"Don't you dare!"

Jeremiah smiled weakly as a thin stream of blood spilled from the corner of his mouth. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you die."

The jacket was barely stopping the blood. Bubba shook his head until it hurt as he pressed his hands back over the wound. "I ain't givin' up on you," he repeated.

"Live," Jeremiah said, his voice unable to go louder than barely above a whisper. His chest rose up and down, the tempo frequent and inconsistent. "Live, and go back to the farm. And don't you dare let those damn Cubes kill ya."

There was something in Jeremiah's eyes—melancholy, fear, but above all, determination. Bubba softened the hand that pressed against Jeremiah's side.

Bubba took a shaky breath. "I love you, 'Miah," was all he could manage.

Jeremiah chuckled. The sound faded away like a leaf being blown in the wind.

"I've always wanted you to call me that…"

A hand wrapped around his neck, and Bubba was pulled into a kiss. Bubba kissed back, knowing that this was the last time.

He wrapped his arm around his husband's back for the last time, deepened the kiss for the last time, brushed his thumb over Jeremiah's cheek for the last time. Jeremiah smiled against Bubba's lips for the last time, and Bubba smiled back for the last time.

The kiss left a lingering taste of copper and something else, something more brackish, on his tongue.

The hand around his neck fell onto the ground and Jeremiah's eyes glossed over. Bubba pulled away. The copper taste remained.

The rising and falling of Jeremiah's chest lulled. Bubba pulled Jeremiah's head to his chest and sobbed.

By some miracle, Bubba survived the war. The farm waited patiently for their return, but only he returned. Time more or less healed everything—at least, that was what Bubba told those around him.

The truth was, no matter how many times he brushed his teeth or how many pills he took, he couldn't get that damn copper taste out of his mouth.

[itwoodbeprefect]

i like learning languages because "fried egg" as a term is pretty straightforward and descriptive, but deep in my heart it's a mirror egg even though i would never have thought of translating it like that before today (dutch "spiegelei", spiegel + ei, literally mirror + egg; german does exactly the same with conveniently the exact same spelling for once, though pronounced slightly differently) and the reason i'm thinking about this is that according to my sources (dictionaries) in thai it's a star egg (ไข่ดาว, khài + daao, literally egg + star) and both of those are infinitely pretty, poetic terms, which makes "fried egg" a sort of punchline purely by contrast. but then as i was looking up the etymology of spiegelei, as one does (it seems to be a translation from french, "oeuf (au) miroir", and it's a mirror because it's, well, shiny), there was a casual mention of the flemish (the people of flanders, the dutch speaking part of belgium) also using the term paardenoog. and that would be horse + eye. which a) feels as descriptive as fried egg, albeit in a very different way, b) does not particularly make me want to eat fried eggs, and c) the "ei" part in spiegelei sounds very similar to the english "eye", meaning that what we've stumbled upon here is the absolute best thing in the world: an incredibly context-dependent cross-language PUN. paardenoog? oh yeah that's a horse ei. oh my goddd

[theswedishpajas]

Magma art dump of random gay Stanley things (Featuring me! Go figure!)

Anything that isn’t in some kind of blue or yellow is by one of my friends

[kindred-spirit-93]

ah yes

playing my favourite game of "why are my insides tormenting me?": stress, gastrointestinal infection, intolerance to something, probably ibs, cramps, cancer god forbid, dehydration, stress, gut bacteria shenanigans, hunger, the plague (long covid), stress....

[sentientstump]

that melting expression spoke of troubled analysis of surroundings, it appears on my face every day too. (translation: ayo, my eyesight is also goofy!!!)

doodle page with exploration of the theme for this comic below 👇🏼

literally drew that face and was like "huh, i will implement this idea into the very core of my being. no one can stop me " or something like that- xD

[doodlejoltik]

my favourite writing device is having an un-Rei-liable narrator