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living-d3ad-gh0ul · 1 year ago

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Sunday 11th June 2023, 02.00am

I've sat here for a couple minutes now, trying to think of how to start this post. But I keep coming up blank. So I guess I'll just start writing. I read your post before I came here to write mine, although I had actually planned to write to you tonight anyway. I've been thinking of you every single day since I last wrote to you. All the time, wishing you could be here too. Thank you for the birthday wishes, E <3 Don't worry, you didn't miss it, it's on the 28th of this month. And I'll be 28, too. I don't know where the times bloody gone haha.

The last month has been... wild to say the least. Literally everything has changed. So so much has gone on. When I last wrote to you, we were in limbo, waiting for dad to come around from his mini-coma (that's what I've been calling it, cause it wasn't quite a coma, but he was very very sleepy and couldn't be woken up much). Well he did. He came around. He woke up and he called me on the Thursday of that week, which was 18th May. I think it was only a day or two after I wrote my last post. But god was it good to hear his voice. I cried so so much and so did he. He kept telling me he'd been trying to call me, but I think he'd either been dreaming of calling me or thinking about it. I didn't care though, it was just so fucking good to hear from him and actually talk to him. We spoke on the phone for almost an hour, before he got tired again and I told him to go rest.

The specialist nurse also called me. The day before my dad came around, so the Wednesday. And um.. well.. I don't really know how to say this. She said that he wasn't responding as well or as quickly as they'd hoped he would. Or rather as he should be. So.. they were taking the biopsy and all treatment off the table. They had done some more scans and.. after careful consideration, they decided that my dad was already too far gone. That he is terminal and we're now looking at Palliative care and keeping him comfortable, rather than trying to cure anything. She explained to me that any kind of surgery would just be far too dangerous and that giving him anaesthetic could potentially be fatal. As well as any treatments could maybe him worse rather than better, even at that, they may not too much. They were now formally diagnosing him with a grade 4 malignant tumour. It's called a glioblastoma, which.. unfortunately is one of the most aggressive and deadly. I was devastated to hear this news. I'm still devastated. I asked her if I had to come down there right away, she said no, not right now.. but it'd be wise if I did come soon. Hearing that kind of thing, especially about your parent, is awful. The next day when he came around, they had me and my dad discuss signing a DNACPR (Do Not Attempt CPR). Which he wanted to sign. And I'm not one to go against his wishes, if that's what he wants then that's fine. It's his life and his choice, and he expressed that he didn't want to end up in a worse state if they did do CPR. So we signed it off, as per my father's wishes. It still makes me really sad to think of.

I ended up going down there to Nottingham on the Friday, 19th May. My friend and her partner drove me down to see my dad and I stayed in the guest room at the place where my dad lives, which was nice enough, it was just like a little hotel room really, but with the added bonus of having a small kitchen so I could make my own food and stuff. I saw him on the Saturday too up at the hospital.. and god it was so good to see him. He was obviously laid up in a hospital bed, but I still managed to give him a big cuddle and let him kiss my cheek. We held hands a lot and he told me all the things he wanted to make sure we had set in place, such as a power of attorney and a will and what songs he wanted at his funeral. It was difficult talking about some of it, but I knew it was necessary at this point. So I immediately got to work on all of it over the next few days, getting all the forms ready for the power of attorney (which.. I won't lie, it's kinda scary being in charge of someone else's life, nevermind my own. Cause once it comes through, I'll have control over everything to do with my dad's life. Health, welfare, finance, everything.) and setting up things for him on his new phone, to make things easier for him to access and use.

I was down there for two weeks, visiting him every single day up at the hospital, taking him things he might need or want, spending time with him. It was kinda strange being in a hospital ward every single day, but I didn't want him to go without a visitor at all, especially when I was in his city and my purpose of being there was to see him and make sure he was being looked after okay. It was a really really busy time, because I had to sort out all of his things, visit him and then also clear out his flat and stuff too. And then I had to find a way to get all of his things back to Scotland, because we'd made the decision along with his care team that we'd be looking for a nursing home placement back in Scotland, back home where he belongs and where he can be close to me and where he grew up. Dad was more than happy with this, he was just happy he could be close to me and I could go see him whenever I like, instead of having to travel 5+ hours to see him. I tried to make a little time while I was down there to just.. relax too. I seen some old college friends and old friends from when I lived down there when I was a teenager. I had a night out to a local pub/club with them and it was pretty good. I had felt guilty about it, but my dad told me I better go and have a good time for him and take lots of pictures and show him the next day. Which I did, and he had a big smile on his face the whole time I told him. Every doctor, nurse and care assistant in the hospital said that the minute I was mentioned or the minute he saw me, his face would just completely light up. It's kind of heartwarming to know that I mean that much to someone.

Like I said, it was a really busy time and I had a lot to do, so it passed really quickly. But it also felt like it lasted forever. This last month has felt so quick but also like it's been a year rather than a month. We managed to get dad a place in a nursing home that's only 10 minutes from me, so it's really really handy. I can literally walk to it from my house. We managed to get all his transport and stuff sorted out and he was moved up here on Tuesday of this week (6th June). I had an awful time of trying to find a way to get all dad's stuff up here, but one of my best friends mums actually really fucking helped me out and she came all the way down to Nottingham and picked me up, we both loaded her car up with all my dad's things and then we hit the road back home to Scotland. I made sure to thank the lady at the supported living place my dad lived at for letting me stay in their guest room for so long, she was really nice to me when I stayed there. My dad's family have been helping out a little too, my uncles and their families. But.. they're not very good with this kind of thing. My mother... Well let's just say, I'm currently not on speaking terms with her at all. She's been a little cruel and not compassionate at all. I'd rather not talk too much about that, she's just been a bit nasty about everything when neither me or my dad need it right now. Especially when I'm dealing with so much and basically having to do everything for my dad. I get her and my dad ended badly and that she doesn't like him, but in this kind of situation the least she can do is be a little supportive for me.

So.. dad is in his nursing home back in Scotland, all of the staff seem so nice and again.. they all knew me before I knew them. Apparently my dad does not stop talking about me and he's always telling them how special I am and how much he loves me. I've had so many of them tell me just exactly what he says about me and say that I am the absolute light of his life. Which.. I'll be honest, I don't know how to take haha. It's nice obviously, I'm just not very good at taking compliments. I get all blushy and shy, especially when it's strangers doing it. He's always telling me recently how proud he is of me too, how I'm doing a wonderful job of taking care of him and all his thing, how I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. He's full of other compliments too that he slyly slides in there every now and then too, calling me beautiful and saying how I'm so special to him. Again, I just get all blushy and roll my eyes and stuff and just go "yeah yeah I get it, you love me" lol. But it really is so nice to hear him say it all. Not that he didn't before, he absolutely did. But now it's moreso. It's like he wants to make sure I know exactly just how much he loves me before.. well you know..

His condition has.. kind of deteriorated slowly. Every day he gets a little more forgetful and confused. He can't stand or walk, so he has to use a wheelchair to get around, which someone has to push for him because he has no mobility in his left arm now too. His eyesight is getting a little worse too, especially in his left side. The tumour is pressing on the right side of his brain, so that's making everything on the opposite side not work as well or stop working. He sometimes has little hallucinations or delusions too, which is something that's started up in the past couple weeks. Which.. isn't nice sometimes, especially when he gets upset about them. He's so determined and convinced that they're real, he won't listen to anything anyone says. He's told me he always wants me to be honest with him though, to tell him what's real and what's not real, to keep him right if he gets forgetful or confused. Which I do, I just try and do it in a gentle way where he wouldn't get upset or anything. Especially when he starts thinking my stepmum is still alive.. those ones hurt the most, because they're so difficult to deal with and I don't want to outright tell him "she's passed away". I just feel like that would be cruel. So I try and jog his memory, ask him if he remembers that she was sick and what happened and stuff. That usually helps. But only for a few minutes, his short term memory is really bad and he repeats himself a lot. It's not his fault at all so I just remind him and repeat myself a lot too. Eventually the conversation moves on to something else and he doesn't even remember it happened. It's tough, it's really tough, but I'll do anything I can for him. I love my dad so much and I'm terrified for the end. It's so hard to sit and watch him get sicker and sicker every day. But I try so hard to stay strong for him, to show him how much I care and how much I love him and that he absolutely will not be alone through any of this. I simply will not allow it.

He actually bought me an early birthday present the other day. He paid for me to have my hair done and have a new tattoo (of which I'll attach pictures so you can see). He said he wanted to do that for me because he wanted me to have a nice birthday and to have some "chill time". He knows how much I love having my hair done and getting tattoos, so it was perfect. My dad loves getting tattoos too, me and him actually have a matching one and he has his favourite Moto GP riders signature tattooed on him. He met him one time at one of the races, asked him to sign his arm and literally within half an hour, he was sat in a tattoo shop getting it inked onto himself haha. My dad is a cool fucking dude. We had to sell his bike unfortunately. It was a really really sad thing for both of us, since my dad has never been without a bike for as long as I've lived. Hell even before that actually. But the lady we dealt with through it all was so helpful and she really made it all so much easier. We got the special engravings he had on his bike for my stepmum (one of them actually matches my thigh tattoo, which he had made when he got his new bike after I'd already had my tattoo done), so I decided I was gonna try and find something to do with them. And that's what I did tonight. I'll show you a picture of what I made. It's called a shadowbox. And the pictures in it are actually my dad on his old bike and his bike he just had.

I'm so glad that you're doing okay. And I'm glad you managed to sort out your GPU issue lol. I really want to build a new PC, but mine works fine for now, especially since I don't seem to be using it as much recently what with everything going on. Streaming is so much fun, I had done it for a little while a couple years ago and had a great time doing it. The only reason I stopped was because college got way too busy and then I was working all the time, so I didn't have much of a chance to do it anymore. I think you'd be really really good at it, I'm really excited for you and I'd love to know what you'll be streaming and more about all of that. I'm sorry you feel that way about your band. Have you guys tried writing some new material? Or is it just that as a whole, you just feel like things are a little stagnant? Whatever you choose to do, I support it. I support anything you want to do in life, because I know no matter what it is, it'll be great, because you are great. You really really are. And I am so grateful to you for being here for me, even just like this. I'll be honest, I did tear up a little (happy tears) when I saw you'd written to me again, just to let me know you're still here. It meant so much to me. You mean so much to me.

I really really am sorry that this post is so long again. I'm just about to go to bed and get some sleep, it's been a long day and I just got done making my dad's thing for him before I came here to write to you. I promise you I'm being safe and I know I can come here and write to you if I need to talk. I wish I could like.. actually talk to you right now. I miss your voice so much. But I can still remember it so clearly in my head. I wish I could just.. curl up and have you cuddle me for a little bit. Even if it was just for five minutes. I would really really like that.

I hope you and Chonky are doing well, I really really liked the picture of her. She's so fluffy and she looks so soft. I can't lie, when I seen her picture, I started doing all that baby talk that people do to cute animals and I just wanted to sink my hand into her belly fur and give her belly rubs. If my hand got torn to shreds from doing so, then so be it hahaha. Our little letters are really a bit of a lifeline for me right now. I've been reading yours over and over again a lot the past few weeks. They really do comfort me so much. Just to know you're out there and you're still here and you're thinking of me..

No moon for me tonight, it's been really warm and sunny here for the past few weeks, it's been nice actually. But tonight it rained and there's been some thunder and lightning, so I've been sat at my window watching and listening to that as I write to you.

I can't wait to hear from you again soon, E. And I loved the song. I love City and Colour so much. Dallas Greens voice is so soothing.

I'll talk to you soon. I miss you. I really really do. And thank you for all of this.. for being here for me and comforting me, even if only through our letters.

"Not to touch a hair on your head, leave you as you are, if he felt he had to direct you then direct you into my arms.."

N x

#him

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filaantrocrowdfunding · 2 years ago

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Bipolar Disorder: Signs and Dangers of the Obscure Mental Illness

Continuing with the theme of Mental Health Awareness Month, We have decided to shed light on another crucial and ignored mental health illness, which is Bipolar Disorder.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health:

“Bipolar disorder (formerly called manic-depressive illness or manic depression) is a mental illness that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, activity levels, and concentration. These shifts can make it difficult to carry out day-to-day tasks.”

There are three types of Bipolar disorders, Bipolar I Disorder, Bipolar II Disorder, and Cyclothymic Disorder.

Bipolar I Disorder is characterized by manic episodes that last for seven days or manic symptoms so adverse that they might require immediate medical care. Sometimes, they might even experience symptoms of depression, typically lasting two weeks.

Bipolar II Disorder is less severe than Bipolar I disorder and usually causes depression and hypomania, which is a less severe form of mania. People with Bipolar Disorder II’s hypomanic episodes are often not intense enough to cause hospitalization.

Cyclothymic Disorder usually involves recurring hypomania and depressive symptoms that are not long or intense enough to qualify as a hypomanic or depressive episode. However, ignoring and not asking for help will increase the chances of an individual being diagnosed with Bipolar I or II.

It is estimated that 1 out of every 150 people suffer from bipolar disorder in India. However, the number might be much higher, due to a lack of awareness and persisting taboos in society. Bipolar India, is a non-profit community, solely designed to help patients deal with bipolar disorder. So, if you have a friend who is suffering from bipolar, feel free to reach out to them.

Manic Phase:

Feeling Happy or Overjoyed

Rapid Speaking

High Energy

Self-Importance

Sudden Outburst of New Ideas and Plans

Easily Distracted

Easily Irritated or Agitated

Delusions, Hallucinations or Illogical thinking

Loss of Sleep

Irrational Decisions- Spending Money on Expensive and Unaffordable Items, Sexual Risks and/or Foolish Investments

Making Decisions and saying things that are harmful or out of character

Depressive Phase:

Intense feelings of sadness, hopelessness or irritability

Lack of Energy

Difficulty in concentrating and Remembering

Loss of Interest in everyday activities

Feelings of Emptiness or Worthlessness

Feelings of Guilt and Despair

Pessimistic about everything

Self-Doubt

Delusions, Hallucinations or Illogical Thinking

Lack of Appetite

Difficulty Sleeping

Waking Up Early

Suicidal Thoughts

Notable Figures with Bipolar Disorder

Honey Singh

Honey Singh is one of the most prominent rappers in India. His songs have frequently been played in nightclubs all around the country. While many might mistake his party-loving avatar as someone who is extremely content with his life, the reality is quite different. In an interview with Brut India, the rapper opened up about his bipolar diagnosis and revealed that he often prayed for his death. However, with the help of a strong support system, he managed to get it under control.

2. Bebe Rexha

In 2019, Bebe Rexha revealed that she suffers from Bipolar I disorder. In her song ‘Break My Heart Myself’ which also features Travis Baker, she sings:

“Today went really well

I didn’t wake up in a panic spell

It was fine, even though I fell

Deeper and deeper into manic hell.”

She said that something about telling her story through a song normalizes it for her.

3. Carrie Fisher

The Late Carrie Fisher brought Princess Leia to life throughout the Star Wars franchise. But did you know that she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was only 24? Carrie Fisher explained in a 2001 interview how she would try to contain herself by experimenting with harmful drugs. In the same interview, she recalled how she was awake for six days and six nights and often hallucinated a golden light coming out of her head. She treated her bipolar disorder with various medications.

4. David Harbour

The Stranger Things Actor is also one of the many individuals who suffer from bipolar disorders. David Harbour revealed that at the age of 26, he was institutionalized after a certain episode. Talking about his treatment he said: “I have been struggling with the medical model of mental illness for a long time. I started to really get into talk therapy around the particular trauma, and I find that narrative and stories, dealing intellectually and emotionally with personal trauma, has been far more liberating to me than hospitals and drugs.”

5. AJ Lee

The three-time champion was once the face of the WWE women’s division. But few people actually know that behind the successful exterior, was a woman struggling with severe mental illness. She was diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 19 and even revealed that her mother suffers from the same illness. She said that she would often cry alone in the bathroom during her time with the company and that she even attempted suicide in the year 2014.

We hope that our article helped you to understand the severity of bipolar disorder. Filaantro also raises funds for people diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So if you want to raise funds for your treatment, feel free to open a crowdfunding page on the platform.

#filaantro #charity #education #donate #nonprofits #donations #raise funds #fundraising #crowdfunding #volunteering #bipolar disorder #bipolar treatment #mental illness

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sinkingbeneaththewaves · 2 years ago

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Work in Progress Character - Sebastian Stein

Name: Sebastian Jakob Stein

Age: 52

Occupation: Senior Dragonologist, Ridgebit Sanctuary - Romania

Partner: Adele Lena Stein (nee Kohler), separated

Offspring: Tobias Abraham Stein, 17, student Alexei Hugo Stein, 15, student

About: Sebastian Jakob Stein was born in List auf Sylt to Jakob Stein and Henriette Maria Stein (nee Müller). The oldest of two, Sebastian was always protective of his youngest sister, Iris Hedwig, who was born five years after him. This protectiveness grew in intensity when Iris was diagnosed with Neurogenic Adumbral Syndrome at just three years old, with the family spending a lot of time in magical hospitals over the years.

At school, Sebastian was a reckless child. He was constantly taking risks and getting into trouble, which often aligned with when his sister was going through a bad time. Even when Iris was showing signs of improving, Sebastian struggled to put his energies into positive things. It was a professor who pointed him in the right direction for his career. Sebastian had always had an interest in dragons, and Professor Fredric saw the potential for him to turn it into a career and a healthy outlet for all of his feelings.

The job was ideal for him. The intense schedule when he was training and at the sanctuary meant that he had extended annual leave to take when compared to other jobs, and so Sebastian could spend half of his year at the sanctuary and the other half at home visiting Iris and their parents. By this time, Iris had been moved into a permanent care facility, as her NAS had progressed significantly in those last few years.

It was while on annual leave to visit Iris that Sebastian met Adele. Adele worked in a coffee shop around the corner from the care facility, and the two of them hit it off. Sebastian was a great support to Adele when her father passed away, and Adele was there for Sebastian when his sister died. They were friends for a long time before they started dating.

Their romance was a strange stop-start situation, thanks to Sebastian's work schedule. As a muggle, Adele knew nothing about the specifics of his job - just that he travelled a lot and would often end up in dangerous situations, coming home sporting new injuries and scars.

After a few years, the pair decided to get married and try to start a family. It wasn't easy for them, and it took them a while to fall pregnant. When they did, Sebastian took more time off work to be there for them. When Tobias Abraham was two, Sebastian and Adele had another baby boy, Alexei Hugo, and they seemed like a happy - albeit slightly odd - family.

Tobias showed signs of magic at the age of eight, prompting Sebastian to confess to his wife that he was a wizard and that their children would likely be magical. When Alexei turned six that same year, something strange began to happen. Sebastian immediately recognised some of the signs of illness that had plagued his sister, and their youngest son was diagnosed with the same disease.

The revelation of magic, combined with the Neurogenic Adumbral Syndrome diagnosis for their youngest son, proved to be too much for Adele. He received an owl from her while he was at work, stating that she couldn't be the wife and mother they needed. She had gone, leaving their boys in the care of Sebastian's parents.

That was six years ago now, and Sebastian has not heard from Adele in all of that time. He is balancing being a father from a distance with looking after his kids. All of his annual leave revolves around the school holidays so that he can spend as much time with his children as possible.

Although Alexei doesn't have as many memories of their mother, Tobias does, and holds a lot of anger from it. This is turning him into a bit of a problem child, very much a reflection of his father.

#wip: sebastian stein #my character: sebastian stein #face claim: andreas pietschmann

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batfamfucker · 2 years ago

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hello do yoy write headcanins for damian wayne?

Haven't yet but I would very much like to, so here. To calify some of these come from different posts I've seen on Tumblr and I can't remember who made them so I do not take credit for some of these. I will put a * next to the ones I did not come up if anyone knows who did or can find the post, feel free to link it in the comments. If the * is half way through it's because the headcanon came from someone else but then I also had my own addictions to then. Anything after the * for these will be my own headcanons.

Damian's eyes used to be brown but during training with the League as a child he was likely killed multiple times. His eyes became green due to the Lazurus Pit and that Batfam only find this out when looking at baby pictures of him. *

It took a while but when he finally settled into the family, he slowly started to accept it's okay to be a kid and let his guard down about 'not wanting to be seen as a child'. Starts to actually have a proper childhood. Only feels comfortable and safe enough to act his age around his family and people he's close with, though. Will only listen to Bruce, Alfred, and his older siblings (Plus Diana and Clark) when being told he can't do something because of age, like a particularly dangerous mission. This also applies to being told needs, like needing to go to bed early or do homework.

He has Martha Wayne's nose. No one could pinpoint whose nose he had until Alfred was cleaning up and found an old photo album, looked through it, and connected the dots. * Alfred immediately ran to tell Bruce, who almost cried because he's so used to everyone expecting Waynes to look like Thomas that he was over the moon for there to also be traits of his mother. Bruce was very greatful to say the least.

Has Autism and struggles with sensory issues. Owns noise cancelling headphones. Has a pair he wears in public that are a sleek black but at home he has a pair of those cat ones with the ears. One of his favourite things to do when he's burnt out is to wear them and listen to ASMR of cats purring whilst having Alfred The Cat in his lap so he can stroke his fur. Good stims.

Is great at masking but it leads to a lot of burnout.

Has non verbal days. Struggled with it a lot at first because he was punished for not answering during his days with the League so he had a lot of anxiety about not being accepted or even hurt. Bruce and Dick were very gentle and reassured him it was okay. It was a slow process but they managed to get there. Cass helped to teach him sign language. He tends to hang around her on these days because it brings him comfort to know it's not just him.

Bruce spoke to doctors and such about diagnosing Damian the minute he started noticing the signs. Being neurodivergent himself (I think Bruce has ADHD and perhaps Autism too) and having multiple children who are also neurodivergent, it didn't take long. You start to be quite good at it.

Bruce also had Damian start having therapy sessions with their family therapist when Damian began settling in. (They 100% have one and you can't tell me otherwise. Bruce himself wouldn't have gotten help at first in the early days but I refuse to believe he's just gonna let his kids sit there with obvious C-PTSD and not do anything. It started years ago when Bruce tracked down reputable therapists and observed them for a while, probably months, before approving that they were trustworthy of knowing secret identities based on their character. He hired them for the League and wider hero community, but also he hired one specifically for his family. He had sessions with Jason when they were finally able to start reconciling which helped the process greatly. He's had sessions with all of his kids. I may make another post about this tbh. He also had multiple sessions with each of his children when he came back from 'death'.) It took a little convincing and at first Damian was essentially wasting his sessions and not being too cooperative, but after some time he started to actually open up. He actually felt relief and it was one of the main things that led him to accepting his Autism diagnosis and processing his trauma and the abuse he experienced. It encouraged him to embrace the freedom he finally had to have a real childhood and actually get to be a kid.

Doesn't always show it but actually feels emotions very deeply and is incredibly empathetic. My dude literally became a vegetarian because he was upset when he realised how awful farm animals were being treated. It's very obvious he cares deeply about others and I find it strange when people think he doesn't. He's Robin for a reason. This boy searched Gotham's sewers for a few of Martha's missing pearls to gift to Bruce. Damian has a heart of gold, it was just damaged for a long time so he didn't know how to treat people at first. In his early days in the family, he was horrible simply because he was raised that way. That's how he had been treated and therefore learned that's how he should treat others. It wasn't until he had the influence of the wider world and was actually treated with love by his family that he was able to unlearn those behaviours and explore that part of him that did want to help others and be kind, to explore his empathy.

Diana will take Damian out to vegetarian restaurants she loves. *

Jason cooks/bakes with Alfred and they always make sure to cook/bake a vegan version of whatever they're making for Damian. Jason also likes to test out new vegan recipes on Damian.

Jason and Alfred also make a list about what foods give Damian sensory issues/What textures Damian doesn't like.

Damian also sometimes likes to cook/bake with them.

After the Pride and Prejudice book borrow event (Which is canon in my mind), Jason reorganised a small corner of his personal library in the Manor and moved his books to replace them with books Damian loves, as well as books he's read that he thinks Dami will like. Made the nook as comfortable for Damian as possible and everything there is designed with some of Damian's favourite textures and such. Like a soft faux fur rug, a really comfy chair and blanket. It's got stim toys and even a hidden mini fridge behind a panel in the book case full of water and snacks. It's so if he's hyperfixating on a good book, he can stay hydrated and stuff. Jason acts tough but is a good brother. Will spoil his siblings and make sure they have everything because he knows what it's like to have nothing.

Gay and (I'm ignoring all the time stuff and pretending him and Jon got to grow up together properly) realises when he begins to crush on Jon. In denial at first but learns to accept it because of his family (Who are 100% all queer in some way). Childhood friends to lovers.

Plays the violin and also learns piano.

Amazing artist. Bruce turns one of the guest rooms into an art studio for Damian. It's fully Damian's space and he's allowed to draw on/paint on the walls, ceilings, etc, not just the canvases. (Sidenote: I headcanon that Bruce tries to give each of his kids their own hobby room. Jason has his library, which is canon, Cass has a dance studio, Dick has one full of circus equipment and obstacles, Tim has a photography studio/gaming room, etc).

Minecraft Mondays with Tim. * Eventually all the other kids also join too and they 'force' Bruce and Alfred to play (Bruce was hoping they'd ask because he loves finding ways to spend time with them and is just happy to be there. Glad that all his kids have something in common that they love and do together. Alfred was just intrigued by it). Surprisingly Bruce is great at the game and will go get the resources so his kids can build. Will kill mobs for them all, expecially for those that are lowkey scared of them (Dick and Jason, who won't admit it). Alfred is a master builder and just disappeared somewhere on the sever. Eventually they find what he was up to and discover he built a whole kingdom by himself. He's also great at speed running the game and got to The End within the first three hours of playing. Dick is terrible at the game. Is the one that will be like 'This is fine. I'm fine' and all you see in the group chat is 'MyNameWasn'tAllowed fell from a high place', 'MyNameWasn'tAllowed tried to swim in lava', 'MyNameWasn'tAllowed was killed by a silverfish'. Babs is the redstone expert. Tim is the sever modder that finds the best mods that will work on servers and installs them for everyone. Also dabbles in redstone. Cass plays the same way Alfred does and will just dissappear, she's also a master. She likes to collect flowers and decorate the area they built. Steph is the server prankster. Duke and Damian tend to do duo quests and adventures together. Jason is the sever food producer and uses it to play farming simulator essentially. Screamed when he was jumpscared by a Creeper that blew up his wheat patch. Cass and Duke helped him rebuild out of sympathy whilst Steph typed out a laughing emoji on a sign and left if in his house. Bruce patrolls near Jason and Dick the most.

Regularly plays chess with Bruce, Alfred, Tim, and Jason. Gives lessons to Duke.

Slips into Arabic when angry and/or overwhelmed. Also when he's sleepy. There's been times where Bruce has carried him to bed and Damian has softly mumbled stuff to him in Arabic. It's usually sweet stuff he only says when he's tired. Like an 'I love you' of some kind.

Sometimes after a long patrol he doesn't really have to speak and will just reach his arms out and Bruce will pick him up to carry him to bed. If Damian's not already asleep by the time they get there, he'll stroke his hair and trace a finger down from his brow line to the tip of his nose. He's done this with all of his children.

Regularly reads bedtime stories to his pets.

Has nightmares quite often and so was hesitant to have sleepovers with Jon at first because he didn't want to be vulnerable or for Jon to see him overwhelmed and emotional if he had one. Later into their friendship he actually speaks to Jon about it and they finally have a sleepover, and then many more. He did have nightmares during some of them but Jon quickly learned how to deal with them and help Damian relax. In time, Damian starts to notice he has less nightmares when with Jon. They also happen less and less as he gets older. In their later teenage years, Jon has basically developed the skill to know when Damian is having a nightmare via his heartbeat, whether he's awake or a sleep. He'll be at the Manor within about two seconds to help Damian when they happen.

When craving cuddles, he either goes to Bruce, Dick, Jason, or, surprisingly, Steph. She's just very soft and huggable.

Has crawled into Tim's lap randomly before when Tim was at his desk. It happened after they actually started considering each other as brother's and stopped fighting as much. He didn't say anything or give a warning, just curled into him and silently played on the Nintendo Switch he brought with him. Tim was slightly taken aback at first but then just readjusted to get more comfortable and leaned back. He changed to only using one hand for his computer, and used his other to stroke Damian's back idly. It made him smile though, glad that their relationship had developed, even if they still bicker sometimes. It was moments like this that made him understand why Jay and Dick enjoy being big brothers. It was moments like this that made Tim realise people really do love him, and that there's always people worth staying for. That there's always a little brother who's gonna need you. He has a baby brother that needs him, and other siblings and a dad and granddad and friends that all need him. That would miss him. It's moments like this that makes Tim realise he doesn't think he has it in him to ever take that away from them.

Damian eventually refers to Alfred as Grandfather. Gets him and Bruce both cards and thoughtful gifts on Father's Day. Also leaves flowers on Thomas' grave. Will do the same for Martha on Mother's Day.

Bruce will check up on him (And the others) when it's Mother's Day. He tries to plan family trips/day outs for it, but will leave time to sit in his office in the morning just in case Talia calls and requests to spend time with Damian. She hasn't yet.

On holidays like Mother's Day and Talia's birthday, Damian will leave a gift by his window and then stay out of his room for a few hours. When he comes back, they're always gone. There's always a note, though, with a chocolate kiss on the top. He accepts every kiss, and saves every note. For his own birthday, he'll walk into his room to find a present on his bed. For Christmas, now that he celebrates it, Damian will set a gift by the window and leave, only to come back later and see a different one than the one he left. Every time, there's no trace of anyone entering or exiting, but he'd recognise his mother's perfume anywhere. He'll sit by his window to open his presents in case she stays to watch. She always does. When it's Christmas, she'll wait with her gift for when Damian returns, so they can open them together.

Every so often, Damian writes a letter about how his life is going to Talia but never sends them. He keeps them in a box with a small hope that one day he'll finally be able to give them to her.

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multi-fandomfuckboy · 3 years ago

Note

If it's not too much to ask since you have done the research on Chrons disease can you do an imagine with peter parker and using his spidy sense for something like taking care of the reader during a flare up or any scenario you want?

Senses

Peter Parker x Reader

AN: Thank you for the request!! I normally answer Requests in the order that they come in so I’m sorry this took so long! But I really enjoyed writing it for you! I hope this is what you were looking for❤️

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,583

A lot of things changed when Peter became Spiderman. He could climb walls, lift cars, hear and see things from miles away. It was like all of his senses were turned up to 100. The strangest thing to come out of having heightened senses was something he had started calling his “Spider Sense”. It was hard to explain, but it was like his brain was picking up on signals of danger before the rest of his senses could catch up. It came in handy when he had people trying to kill him.

Through all these changes, one thing stayed the same. You. It didn’t take you long to figure out that the masked hero was your boyfriend. Peter was so relieved when you told him that you knew. Trying to peep a secret from you was impossible for him. You could always read him like an open book.

You, on the other hand, had mastered keeping things to yourself. You’d been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when you were young, and in an attempt to blend in, you often hid your discomfort or downplayed your pain. Not even Peter knew how bad your flare-ups could get. You never wanted to be seen as a burden or bothersome so you would normally keep your pain hidden.

When Peter’s senses were heightened, he suddenly started to notice the small things about you that indicated if you were in pain. The twitch of your brow, the pull of your lip, the way you clenched your fist at your side. It all became pretty clear to him when you were in pain or uncomfortable. Another weird thing that he noticed was his spidey sense. It took him a while to figure out that it didn't only warn him about threats towards him, but also could sense when something bad was going to happen to you.

Sometimes it took him a bit to figure out what was causing his hair to stand on end and his skin to crawl. But after a bit of trial and error, he got pretty good at interpreting what the tingling feeling in the back of his head meant. And as far as you were concerned, it was a godsend.

Like today. You and Peter had been out with a couple of friends, when suddenly Peter got this tingling feeling that something was about to happen. He couldn’t quite place his finger on it, but it kept nagging at the back of his mind. He looked around, searching for any obvious signs of danger, but saw none. You had felt Peter shift beside you, and noticed him looking around. Catching his eyes, you lifted a brow in question. Peter shrugged his brows drawn together.

“I just got this weird feeling.” he whispered, leaning in so only you could hear him.

“Like a weird feeling or just a weird feeling?” you ask, earning a withering eye roll from Peter.

“The first one.” he clarified. Your eyes widened slightly and you nodded in understanding. Looking around your group of friends, you sighed. You didn’t want to leave them, but you knew better than to question Peter’s ‘feelings’.

Standing from the table you group had been seated at, you explained to them that you and Peter had to get going. The news was met with a chorus of groans and wishes that you could stay. You promised all of them that you would hang out soon, you and Peter exited the restaurant, making your way back to your place.

Steadily, the tingle in Peter’s mind grew and he began to feel more and more anxious. You were about a block from your building when the pain finally hit you. You stopped in your tracks, biting the inside of your lip to stop the gasp of pain. You tried to breath through the stabbing cramping that twisted your insides. Peter knew what was happening immediately.

It all made sense now. His spidey sense had been trying to warn him about an impending flare-up. Peter could tell you were trying to hide how much pain you were in, so without thinking, he scooped you up in his arms. He supported you with one arm behind your back and the other under your knees. You gasped as he swept you off your feet and without missing a beat, continued walking.

“Peter! You don’t need to carry me!” you exclaimed in protest. But Peter only scoffed, continuing to walk.

“Please, (Y/N)! I could literally carry 20 of you and not break a sweat!” He postured glancing down at you, a smirk pulled at his lips. “Plus, I wanted to hold you anyway.” he admitted, causing a blush to color your cheeks. He proceeded to carry you the rest of the way, even nodding to your doorman as he walked into your building, who only chucked to himself as the two of you passed.

When you finally got to your apartment, Peter navigated his way to your room and gently set you on the bed. You were thankful Peter had insisted on carrying you the rest of the way, because the pain in your gut was now enough to blur your vision and make your head spin. Your clothes felt too tight, it was making your skin itch.

“How are you feeling now?” Peter asked, taking a seat on the bed next to you.

“I’m fine.” you lied. The tingling feeling intensified in Peter’s mind, indicating that you weren't telling him the whole truth. Noticing the way you shifted uncomfortably, picking at the thigh of your jeans, Peter knew what to do next. Standing, he left you lying on the bed to go to your closet. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt (that he was pretty sure used to be his) before returning to your side.

“Take your clothes off.” He instructed. Your eyes opened as you gaped at him.

“Peter, when I said I felt ‘fine’, I didn’t mean-” Peter cut you off, holding up the clothes he had grabbed.

“I can tell you’re uncomfortable. I thought changing into these might help.” he explained, his eyes were so full of loving concern, it made your heart flutter. You took the clothes from his hands and he helped you change. The tingle in his mind lessened when you were finally more comfortable.

He helped you under the covers, but suddenly, the tingle returned. Looking you over he gently ran his hand over your forehead. There was no way you would be able to tell, even a thermometer wouldn't pick it up yet, but Peter could feel that you had a slight fever.

“I’ll be right back, love.” He said, placing a kiss on your forehead. Entering your bathroom, he opened your medicine cabinet and quickly found the Tylenol. He then moved to the kitchen to get you some water. Reaching for a glass, the hair on his arm stood on end. Looking around, he spotted a large water bottle on the table. He quickly filled it and returned to the room.

He sat next to you, handing you the pills and the huge water bottle. You looked at him slightly confused for a moment.

“You’re going to have a fever soon so I think you should take these now, before it sets in.” he said, gesturing to the Tylenol. “And I think you might be dehydrated, so I got the biggest water bottle I could find.” he explained. You smiled up at him gratefully, before taking the pills and laying back down.

“My hero.” you joked, eliciting a laugh from him.

“I just want to help.” He admitted, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. Reaching out, you took his hand, pressing a kiss to his palm.

“Thank you, Peter. I mean it.” You said genuinely. You swore that the blush that colored his face could be seen from space.

The next few hours, Peter spent reading every signal your body was sending before you registered anything. He made sure you stayed hydrated, made you small meals to keep you nourished and to help the cramping. His spidey sense was even alerting him to foods that would make your condition worse.

He took care of your every need before you even knew you needed it. This was all so new to you. You were used to suffering in silence, but Peter knew what to do even when you said nothing. It was like magic.

“Peter, you don’t have to do all this for me.” You found yourself saying at one point.

“I know.” Peter responded calmly. “I want to do it.” he stated, taking your hand in his, a bright smile on his lips. “Let me take care of you.” He pleaded, running his thumb over your knuckles. Your heart pounded in your chest so loudly, you were sure Peter could hear it.

“Okay.” you nodded, squeezing his hand.

You normally took care of everything for yourself. Never wanting to burden anyone else in your life. Always feeling out of place or like a nuisance. But, Peter looked at you with all the love in the world. It was hard to feel like a burden with him looking at you like that.

Masterlist

Kofi

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

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bonnyskies · 4 years ago

Text

deadly agenda ⇢ myg

min yoongi is a dangerous man. you’re a manipulative wife. together, you two are a deadly duo, and you both have your own agenda.

pairing — emperor!yoongi x wife!malereader ft. king-husband!taehyung

genres — angst, sexual themes, royalty!au, strangers-to-lovers!au

warnings — age-gap (reader is 20, yoongi is 28), swearing, degrading terms, mentions of death, feminization, descriptions of murder, sexual themes, infidelity, betrayal, slight voyeurism, yoongi is intimidating and reader is manipulative, basically they’re just plain evil

author’s note — i hate tumblr’s new update. i had more to write (not enough for a part two) but couldn’t because of the new 250 text box rule. but as for this story, this is probably the longest one i’ve written so far and the one i’m most proud of. anyway, hope you all enjoy and sorry for taking so long to upload this, took lots of planning and rewriting, plus i’ve been busy with school too.

word count — 7.4k

masterlist

Min Yoongi is a cautious, yet observant man.

Whoever steps foot in his palace, he makes sure to know everything about them. Who they are, they’re background, appearance, and how they approach him. Each and every thing can help him learn who he can trust, and who he cannot, who are his allies—and who are his enemies.

Yoongi stood by his palace’s entrance, accompanied with his guards and greeted his special guests, one by one as they walked up his home’s grand steps. He makes sure to take notes on each and every person’s facial expression, their appearance, chosen attire, and the certain way they walk up to him.

Anything could benefit him into knowing them. Their wealth and clan can be identified based on their specific appearance and choice of clothing. Their facial expressions help him learn what their true feelings and intentions are towards him that are hidden by their fake smiles and words. And lastly, the way they walk up to him can help him know the type of personality they have, whether that be obedient and innocent, or arrogant and untrustworthy.

The way he learns about his guests have never failed him. That was, until he met you.

Yoongi would be lying if he said he wasn’t astonished when his eyes laid on you for the first time. There were many things that left him utterly speechless when meeting you. For one, when his advisor told him that his guest would be bringing his wife, he was expecting a woman—not a man.

Another thing that left Yoongi speechless was your appearance, mostly your attire. You were dressed in feminine-like clothing, silk robes that were decorated with gold jewelry instead of fine material clothing with armor plating like what many men of royalty wear. And you also didn’t hold a blade like most men do too. Instead, you held a simple wooden decorative fan.

And lastly, your eyes.

Yoongi has a remarkable judge of character. Maybe not as good when it came to you, but still adequate. On the outside, your eyes were shining with gentleness and a kind greeting. But he could tell there was something else hidden behind them—something that left him intrigued by you.

You had an agenda—plans, and Yoongi was determined to find out what they are.

The welcoming feast was extremely dull.

Yoongi absorbed gallons of wine into his system, hoping that would help numb his mind and get through the rest of the evening without having to tear somebody’s head off from their body.

And apparently you thought the same as he did. Across the table, Yoongi watched as you fanned yourself out of boredom while everyone else were socializing with one another, an unamused facial expression shown on your face. Yoongi couldn’t help but chuckle behind his glass when seeing one of the other wives say something to you and you flashed her a quick smile before dropping it back down into a straight line.

It seems his attention on you didn’t go unnotice because next thing he knew, your eyes were now on him. Yoongi was expecting hints of disgust or uncomfort from you, but instead he was met with sly smirk and a raised brow.

Yoongi watches intently as you leaned over and whispered into your husband’s ear. Your husband—Kim Taehyung then stood up from his seat and bowed his head, “Excuse me, your Majesty.”

Yoongi turned his head towards your husband, diverting his attention completely away from you.

“My wife is not feeling well at the moment, so with your permission, would it be alright if he can take his leave from the feast early?”

The entire dining hall fell silent, shocked expressions plastered on everyone’s faces at the table.

Nobody has ever dared to leave one of Min Yoongi’s feasts before. Who would want to, right? It’s considered a great honor for one self and their kingdom to be invited by the Emperor himself to attend one of his events.

Whispers began to spread amongst the guests.

“How shameless is Kim Taehyung’s wife?”

“Wanting to leave the Emperor’s feast early? Utterly shameless I tell you.”

“That Taehyung needs to discipline his wife.”

“Doesn’t he know how important his Majesty’s events are? And he wants to leave just because he isn’t feeling well? Unbelievable.”

“He needs to learn some manners—”

Anxiety swept across Taehyung’s face when hearing the gossips coming from the other royals, eyes wide and mouth gaped open with panic. “Forgive me, your Majesty, I never intended to—”

With just the clear of his throat, everybody fell silent once again and all eyes were now on him. Yoongi’s gaze would shift between you and your husband, curiosity filling his veins when noticing that there wasn’t any signs of illness presently visible on you. You weren’t trembling, your eyes weren’t red and skin wasn’t showing any signs of flushness. You looked fine.

That only caused more questions to form in Yoongi’s mind. Like, what do you exactly want, and what is your reason for being here? Because according to his advisor, you weren’t even part of the guest list until today. That only raised even more suspicions he had towards you.

And it’s not like he can just throw you out—actually, he can. It’s just that he doesn’t want to because now he’s curious, and he wants to see how things turn out.

“He can go,” Yoongi says a brief silence, immediately noticing the small smile creeping onto your lips. “But take him to see the physician and let him check him out,” and then it dropped.

“N-No, your Majesty,” you spoke up, lips parted. “You don’t have to do that—”

“You’re feeling unwell, right?” Yoongi then asks, smirking at the silence he got in reply. “Well, you should let my physician diagnose you then. Don’t worry though, you’re in great hands.”

One of his guards that stood by his side approached you and started to guide you to the physician’s office. And while you were leaving, Yoongi could see the glare coming from you and aimed right at him.

If you wanted to play games with him, he’ll play.

Wandering through the palace halls at night was something Yoongi usually does whenever he can’t sleep.

And apparently you had the same tendency too.

While mindlessly strolling through his palace’s hallways, Yoongi’s eyes suddenly landed on your approaching figure, the first thing catching his attention was your choice of clothing. You were dressed in golden inner robes, your sleep-wear, and the material was so thin and transparent that every feature about you was visible to him. The sight of your clear, smooth skin and every curve of your body and muscles made his mouth water. It was like you were purposely dressed like that to seduce him.

Another thing that caught his eye was the small, slightly torn grayish book that was in your grasp, which was where your complete attention was on because you still haven’t noticed his presence despite the two of you walking towards the other.

“Hello, your Highness,” you jumped out of fear, eyes wide and closing your book when your gaze landed on him. “May I ask why you are wandering around my palace this late at night?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” you simply answered, fingers tight around the cover the book, which only made Yoongi even more curious as to what you were exactly reading. “And it seems you are having the same problem as well, am I correct?”

Yoongi only hummed in reply, taking another small step towards you until you two now stood only inchest apart, him towering over you and staring down right at you. “Is there something wrong with your chambers? I can tell my servants to move you and your husband into a more comfortable place for you—”

“No no, your Majesty,” you were quick to interject. “Everything is perfect. It’s just that I’ve always had trouble sleeping at another royal’s residence, that’s all.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but find your reason funny, because he has always had trouble sleeping when there were other people staying in his palace.

A brief silence came between you two before Yoongi spoke up once again, “I’ll be taking a quick walk around my garden, you can accompany me if you like.” He didn’t wait for your reply before leaving, but when hearing the sound of your footsteps behind him right after, a smirk grew on his lips.

“You know, you never really introduced yourself when we first met,” Yoongi then brought up while the two of you made your way to the gardens.

“Forgive me, your Majesty,” you bowed your head apologetically before replying, “My name is ___, Kim ___.”

“It’s a great pleasure to meet you, Kim ___,” Yoongi reached down and took your hand into his, pressing a soft, yet tender kiss on the back of your palm, smirking at the evident blush forming on your cheeks. “And I’ve got to say, you are looking quite well for someone that claimed to be feeling sick not even three hours ago,” and that is when your smile dropped.

“Must’ve been my anxiety,” you were quick to reply back, your eyes never leaving his. “After all, I am staying at the Emperor’s palace for the first time.”

Yoongi was impressed honestly, he had to admit. For everything he had to say against you, you had something say right back at him. There isn’t a lot of people who have that type of skill to think of words—believeable words right on the spot. Anybody would believe what you were saying—too bad he isn’t just anybody.

“Must be...,” Yoongi just says, eyeing you slightly. His gaze then shifted onto the book in your hand. “What are you reading there?”

“Oh this,” you held the book up, “It’s called Flowers of the Region—a guide to every type of flower that is grown and can be found in both the South and the North. It’s my favorite book.”

“Well, that’s fortunate,” Yoongi points out, “you like flowers, and we so happen to be going to my garden. What’s your favorite flower?”

“Lily of the Valley,” you answer with a smile. “Have you heard of it?”

“I have,” Yoongi replied, his interest towards you growing even more. Lily of the Valley, despite the beautiful features of the white flower, it is proven to be quite deadly when digested. “They are only found on top of the Southern mountains—but lucky for you, I happen to grow them right here in my garden.”

Your smile grew even wider. “That’s great.”

The rest of the walk to the gardens was in silence with you trailing forward while Yoongi stood back. And with your eyes focused on the path in front of you, Yoongi couldn’t help but send glances at you every once in a while, his eyes burning into your back, admiring at the clear view your smooth skin through the thin, transparent material of your inner robes.

He surely needs to give whoever crafted your sleepwear a raise—and a big one too.

When the two of you finally got to the gardens, you were left instantly speechless at the sight of the many plots of different flowers, ranging from beautiful, vibrant ones that were quite common to dark, mysterious ones that you’ve never even seen before.

Yoongi couldn’t deny how adorable you looked though when seeing his garden for the first time, eyes wide, shining with admiration and your mouth gaped open.

“This is beautiful,” you gasped, leaning down and running your fingers delicately over some flowers.

“Thank you,” Yoongi stood beside you, “I make sure my gardeners take good care of this place.”

Silenced filled the atmosphere as Yoongi stood back and silently watched you admiring the many flowers. Normally he’d be annoyed for someone touching his property, but for some odd reason when it came to you he didn’t mind so much. Perhaps it’s because this might be the only way for him to get close to you and learn about your true intentions—or maybe he just really wants to fuck you.

Yoongi found himself once again staring at you, watching as you bent over to get a closer look at one of the flowers, giving him a perfect view of your ass and hips, both in which he wants to grab and caress with his large hands.

“So,” Yoongi spoke up after some silence, “how exactly did you become the new Lady Kim?”

Yoongi instantly noticed the way your body tensed from his question. “I was his Highness’s personal servant. When his wife suddenly passed away, he was a complete mess and I was the only one that stayed by his side through the entire mourning process. I was the one that comforted him whenever he was feeling down, I made sure he was taking care of himself and helped him with his royal duties.”

Yoongi then noticed your shoulder slumping. “After about a month or so, he started seeking me for a...different kind of comfort.” Sex. “Soon later he decided to make his new wife—the new Lady Kim.”

“You don’t seem so happy about the change in position,” Yoongi commented, “I’m sure this is much better than being a simple servant. You’re a royal now.”

“Oh, I am,” you quickly corrected him, “But being a man and having a feminine title can sometimes make things complicated.”

“Well then, don’t make them complicated.” Yoongi suggested, “You’re not a servant anymore, you’re a royal. They may not respect you now, but you have the power to make them do so.”

“Don’t worry, I know,” you told him sternly. “They’ll learn to respect me. Whether that be the hard way or the easy way—it’s their choice. So you better watch out, your Majesty, or something bad might happen to you,” you laughed softly.

Yoongi released a forceful chuckle, eyes briefly squinting at you suspiciously. It may have sound like a harmless joke, but to him, he could hear the small hints of truth behind them. “Oh trust me, I will. I wouldn’t want you as an enemy.”

“And you as well,” you replied, eyeing him back.

Silence came between you two again, Yoongi leaving you to inspect his garden in peace while he stood back and watched you. It wasn’t until an hour has passed you spoke up again, yawning, “we should head back to bed, your Majesty. We have that conference in the morning with the other royals and we need the energy.”

“You’re right,” Yoongi agreed, nodding and stepping aside so that you could walk ahead of him and back inside the place with him following right beside you. “Let me walk you back to your room.”

You didn’t say anything, only held your head low to hide the small grin on your face as the both of you made your back to the chambers. And as you two got closer to your destination, you both were froze at the sound of moaning.

Yoongi was confused at first as who it could be, but when turning to you and seeing the hardened expression on your face, he knew.

“O-Oh, Taehyung—f-faster, please!”

Yoongi was speechless. He knew many royals took on concubines while being married, but he didn’t know someone could so shameless as to bringing them to another person’s residence alongside their spouse. “Your Highness—”

“Don’t bother, your Majesty,” you spoke calmly, eyes hard and emotionless. “I’m use to it by now and it doesn’t really bother me anymore.”

“Really, it doesn’t?”

You shook your head. “At first it did, but after sleeping with my husband so many times I have learned that the only person he cares to satisfy is himself.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but chuckle. What kind of husband doesn’t have the desire to satisfy is own wife? Maybe he should take you to his chambers and show you exactly what you’re missing. “Well, I-I’m still sorry for you.”

You simply shrugged your shoulders, “it doesn’t matter, your Majesty. Have a good night.”

Yoongi watched as you then opened the door went inside the chamber, causing your husband and the woman to stop and look at you with wide eyes.

“Don’t mind me,” you said to them, not even bothering to glance at them, shocking Yoongi. “I’ll be on the balcony reading my book. Just let me when you two are done.”

Taehyung’s attention instantly went back to the woman that was straddling his lap when hearing your words, hands kneading her breasts and hips and started thrusting back up into her, causing moans to erupt from both of them. Yoongi didn’t why, but the sight of them made his blood boil.

Maybe he should go in there and fuck you in front of your husband? That’ll show him what he is missing out.

Yoongi continued to watch through the crack in the door as you walked past the couple and went onto the balcony. And once you were out of his sight, that’s when he finally got a clear view of the woman on your husband’s lap, and he instantly recognized her. She was one of the servants that accompanied you and Taehyung here. Yoongi distinctly remembered seeing her earlier today, serving you tea after you got back from seeing the physician.

Yoongi glared at the couple, scoffing at the sight. What did that Kim Taehyung see in that whore of a servant that you don’t have?

You are far more enticing than she is.

Taking one last glance at the shameless couple, Yoongi retreated back to his chambers. And while he did so, his mind suddenly went back to you. How did someone so...unique end up with a man like Kim Taehyung? He’s a weak person, a shame to royal blood. You deserve to be with someone with real power, someone who would never leave you unsatisfied, both physically and emotionally. Someone like me.

Yoongi could feel himself harden just from the thought of you.

Damn you for having this type of power over me, his mind cursed. Yoongi has slept with countless of other royals before, both men and women, and he has never encountered someone like you.

You are truly something else.

“Damn,” Yoongi mumbled out to nobody in particular, palming himself through his robes. “How the hell am I going to get rid of this?”

And right on queue, a young servant boy just happened to be walking right by Yoongi when the question ran through his head.

“Stop,” was all he said, making the servant boy freeze in his place.

“Y-Yes, your Majesty?”

Yoongi took slow, intimidating steps towards him until he was towering over him, using his hands to cup his chin and forcing the servant boy to meet his eyes. “How would you feel having the honor of spending the night with your Emperor?”

The servant boy couldn’t stop the small smile from forcing on his face. “I-I would love that, your Majesty.”

That was Yoongi needed to hear before leaning down capturing the servant’s boys lips with his, hands moving to his thighs and hoisting him up in his arms and carrying him into his chambers, lips never separating.

“You’re a eager one, are you?” Yoongi chuckled against the servant boy’s mouth, moving his lips down his neck and forcing a whimpering moan from him.

“I-It’s my duty to serve y-you, your Majesty.”

That brought a smile on Yoongi’s lips.

Yoongi couldn’t find you anywhere the next day.

He couldn’t find at you breakfast, he couldn’t find you during the conference with the other royals and their wives, and he couldn’t find you at lunch. Now as dinner was approaching, there still wasn’t any sign of you anywhere.

But he had no problem finding your husband. Wherever he saw Taehyung, he saw that whore of a servant trailing behind him like a pet—but you no where to be seen.

Yoongi thought about approaching him to ask about your whereabouts, but he couldn’t help but think of the consequences that would happen afterwards. But that still didn’t stop him from sending glares at the younger royal and the servant every now and then, which didn’t go unnotice by either of them.

“Is there something wrong, your Majesty,” Taehyung finally asks, breaking the tensed silence between the two of them. “You’ve been staring at me all day today and haven’t said a single word.”

“Oh nothing,” Yoongi simply replies, eyes still trained on him while twirling his glass of wine. “Just wondering where your wife is at right now, since everyone else is here. Is he still not feeling well from last night?”

For a very very brief moment, Yoongi could see panic glinting in his eyes before answering, “o-oh yes, your Majesty, he told me that he’s still feeling unwell so I allowed him stay back in the room.”

Liar, was Yoongi’s first thought, eyes glaring even more at the long, black-haired royal.

Everyone at the table could feel the tension between their Emperor and the young royal, and still no one chose to speak up about it.

Yoongi had a reputation. He is the first ever Emperor to achieve the throne through combat rather than family bloodline—and he is also the youngest ruler to ever be placed higher than a simple king. But that weren’t the only things he was known for. He was also generally known for being intelligent and quite reserved, and cruel if absolutely necessary, and also able to hold a grudge. It may sound simple, but everybody knew that if their Emperor had something against you, your days were limited.

So that’s why nobody chose to speak up when seeing the menancing glares their Emperor were sending at the youngest and only surviving Kim. Because they knew if they intervened, they’d only anger him and get on his list, and that’s the exact opposite of what they want to do.

“Your Majesty,” his advisor suddenly whispered right beside him. “I think it would be a good idea to continue the meeting. Some of your guests has some things to say about the...improvements you’re doing to the North.”

Yoongi clenched his jaw, eyes scanning over Taehyung once more before turning his attention to the other royals. “Sure,” he then says, “which one of you want to speak first?”

Not even a second later, Park Jimin, ruler of the Park Kingdom stood up from his seat and spoke. “Your Majesty, my council and I believe that the border that you have placed around my region is completely unnecessary.”

“How so?” Yoongi asks, leaning back against his chair with an amused look on his face. He had to admit that he was impressed that the blonde man was the first to speak up. He may not be the youngest royal out of everyone, but he certainly is the one with the least experience when it came politics.

“For starters your border cuts right through my kingdom’s river, slicing our water supply in half,” he starts, voice slightly raising. “And the amount of wood you required for the construction of the wall resulted in about ninety percent of the forests in my region to be completely cut down, forcing most of my workers into unemployment.”

Yoongi continued to listen closely with his hands laced together and resting on top of his chest, rocking back and forth in his chair with an intent glint in his eyes.

“I also find it completely unfair how your border only crosses over my kingdom but no one else’s.” Jimin continued to rant, jamming his finger repeatedly angerly against the table while keeping his eye contact with him. “I think it’s not for protection like you have claimed many of times, but as a prison, to keep my people in check. You’re nothing but a—”

Yoongi slammed his hand heavily onto the table, instantly silencing the young royal and causing everyone to gulp nervously. He may at times find it amusing when someone fights back, but he will never allow anyone to talk down against him, not in his own residence.

“You think I built that wall as a prison?” Yoongi asks, chuckling when the blonde man didn’t reply. “Are you forgetting what happened before I built that wall? Spies from the South would come right into our territories and would gather information on us, murder our people in their sleep—that’s how your parents died, am I correct? Some spy that sneaked into their palace assassinated them when they were asleep? It would such a shame if the same thing happens to you—after I take down the wall, of course.”

Yoongi smirked when noticing the seeing Jimin’s jaw clenching and hands angrily balling into fists. “So don’t you ever accuse me again? Because everything I do is for the best of my people, not just yours. The wall is only bordering your land because your land is the only one that connects with the South.”

Jimin’s head hung low, hands unclenching and lips dropping into the frown.

“So before you come at me, you should make sure that you have all the information, do you understand me?” Jimin nodded and sat down.

Everybody tensed when Yoongi then stood up from his seat and slowly, intimidatingly made his way to Jimin’s chair. And when placing his hands on the younger man’s shoulders, Yoongi couldn’t help but chuckle when feeling him jump slightly underneath his touch. “Normally I’d kill anyone who spoke to me that way,” leaning down, he whispered into Jimin’s ear, sending chills along his pale skin, “but I’ll let it slide for once since you’re new to this whole thing.”

“T-Thank you, your Majesty.”

With one last pat on the shaking man’s shoulder, Yoongi pulled away, and he was standing straight again, his eyes suddenly fell on your figure who stood near the entrance of the conference hall. But you weren’t alone, no, three servants that he couldn’t recognize was with you. The four of you seemed to be in a deep conversation, and with everybody focused on him, nobody noticed you.

Yoongi’s eyes slightly squinted out of suspicion when seeing you then bow your head at the three servants, a smile on your face before each of you went your separate ways.

Yoongi is definitely going to look into that.

“Now,” returning his attention back to his guests, Yoongi leaned himself against the table, keeping close to the blonde man that was still trembling. “Does anyone else have anything to say to me?”

“N-No no, your Majesty,” Jung Hoseok, another royal spoke up, gulping anxiously as he tightened his hand around his wife’s who sat beside him. “We have no complaints whatsoever, you’re doing an amazing job—the perfect ruler.”

Kiss ass, Yoongi rolled his eyes, pushing himself away from the table. He then shifted his attention towards your husband and asks, “what about you, your Highness? Anything to say?”

Taehyung shook his head. “No, your Majesty.”

“What a bunch spineless people,” Yoongi’s mind scoffed, and he couldn’t agree more.

His advisor then rose from his chair and spoke up, “okay everyone, thank you all for attending his Majesty’s annual end of conference feast this year. You may all now return to your rooms and get some rest before heading back to your own residences in the morning.”

Yoongi stayed back and bid farewell to everyone, and once everyone was gone he left the conference hall with only one thing on his mind—you. He was determined to find out what exactly were you and those three servants were discussing about. Yoongi was so rapt on you that he didn’t even hear his advisor calling out of him to come back.

He practically jogged to the chambers hall, heading straight to your room and when he got there, just as he was about barge right through the door he was then stopped by a sudden sound. Moans could be heard on the other side of the door—female moans. Yoongi’s hands were already hovering over the door handle before he opened it slightly to where there was only a crack, giving him the view of seeing your husband with same servant girl from the night before.

Yoongi watches as she claws his back, legs wrapped tightly around his waist as he place open mouth kisses along her bare chest and thrusted deep into her, causing loud, pleasurable moans to erupt from both of their mouths.

“T-Tae,” the young servant girl gasped, hands running up and down his sweaty back and fingers digging into his marked, glistening skin. “I’m close.”

“Me too, love,” he groaned back, leaning down and capturing her lips into a passionate kiss. “Together, okay...?”

Utterly shameless, Yoongi shook his head and pushed away from the door with disgust. Just as he was about to continue searching for you, he froze at the sound a voice behind him—a female voice.

“Are you looking for Lady Kim, your Majesty?”

Yoongi turned around and was greeted by one of your servants, hands laced together and hanging in front of her with a wide smile on her face. “No, I’m not,” he quickly replied, shaking his head. He expected her to just nod her head and leave, but instead she released a small chuckle and turned around, saying in a soft tone, “follow me.”

Yoongi was hesitant, eyes burning suspiciously into the servant girl’s back as she began to walk away. But he soon decided to follow her despite the constant warnings that were running through his head at the moment.

The servant’s gaze was trained on the path in front of her, not even bothering to acknowledge the glare she was receiving by platinum-haired man that was trailing right behind her.

The warnings that were consuming Yoongi’s head started to get louder as he continued to follow her deeper into his residence, parts of his home that he hasn’t even been in.

Yoongi stopped in his place when the servant led him to a room with dark, double doors. “What is this,” he asks with a cold expression, causing the young girl to chuckle and open the door without saying a word to him. He was about to question her even more but when he got to see what was behind the door, leaving him speechless.

Standing right in front him was you, along with over a dozen guards and servants that were from many different kingdoms. Some of the guards and servants were part of the Park Kingdom, some were from the Jung Kingdom, and others were from your own home.

“What’s going on here?” Yoongi asks, his eyes glancing across the many different pairs that were staring right back at him.

“They work for me,” came out of your mouth. “We are all part of movement that believes that the North needs a change in leadership—which is you. You’re the only that deserves to rule the North, not these cowards.”

Yoongi was speechless. For once in his life he didn’t know to say. For the first time he wasn’t the one that was planning in the shadows, plotting against somebody—but instead it was people who he has never even met before. “Why,” was the only thing that came out of his mouth.

“Because war is coming your Majesty,” you stepped towards him to where you stood only inches away from his face, staring up to meet his eyes. “My agents told me that the South is planning an invasion into our territory, and the way the other kingdoms are ruling their land—we won’t survive this war. You are the only one that is capable of leading us to victory.”

Yoongi turned towards your followers. “Do you all agree with him?”

“Yes, your Majesty,” one of the guards spoke up. Each and every person then stepped forward and began to speak loudly on their opinions of their leaders.

“Park Jimin is too young to be King—he doesn’t know how to rule.”

“He can’t even hold a sword properly.”

“Jung Hoseok is a spineless man!”

“Damn right he is! The moment the South comes barging intl his palace, he’ll do whatever it takes to save his own skin and not his people.”

“Kim Taehyung is shameless bastard who would rather spend his time fucking his servants than leading his own Kingdom.”

Yoongi could see you snicker at that comment.

“He spends our taxes buying whores instead of using it to improve our home.”

“None of them belong on the throne!”

“They are right, your Majesty,” you stared at him with a small smirk on your lips. “Out of everyone, you’re the only that deserves to rule us. You are the one who will lead us to glory.”

Yoongi stared down at you with such desire. He may have found you attractive before, but now he couldn’t help but find you utterly irresistible. “So this isn’t just some power trip? Doing all this just to get to the top?”

Yoongi had his suspicions already about the war. He has heard from his own agents that the South were planning on some sort of invasion, but there wasn’t any evidence that confirmed that. So sadly he hasn’t been able to do any preparations—at least, none without the other royals knowledge of it.

You shook your head. “I don’t care about power, your Majesty—only survival, and you’re the best way to achieve that.”

“I see,” Yoongi reached up and stroked his chin, “how would you all do this anyway? Kill the rulers of each Kingdom can be tricky, and what about their heirs?”

“It’s quite easy,” you answered with a small grin. “They all have their jobs,” you nodded at your followers, “once they are home and unguarded, that is when they’ll strike. And as for their heirs, well, that’s not really a problem.”

Yoongi raised a brow. “Jung Hoseok’s wife is unable to bare a child, and he also doesn’t have any younger siblings to take over. So once he passes, rulership of his Kingdom immediately goes over to you. Same goes for my husband and Park Jimin.”

“I see,” Yoongi hums, biting inside of his cheek. “So what’s my job then?”

You smirk. “The only thing you have to do is have your succession speech ready, your Majesty.”

“But I have another problem,” Yoongi added. “Many people already disagree with our war with the South. How will we manage to persuade them that this is necessary? It’ll be difficult since three of the four leaders of the North are dead.”

“Trust me, your Majesty,” you spoke with such clarity and a smile on your face. “Everything is planned out and you don’t have to worry.”

Yoongi didn’t replay, eyes briefly glancing at the people that surrounded him. You must’ve noticed his still cautious state because next thing he knew you were signaling everybody out, telling them to “get some rest and prepare for your departure in the morning.”

“Why are you doing this exactly?” Yoongi asks the moment you two were alone in the room. “Because there is no damn way you’re doing this just for survival. I mean,” he suddenly chuckles, “you are giving complete control of the North. What is your angle here? Are you going to kill me after all this is so that you become Emperor?” Yoongi was starting to get frustrated. He has never had trouble understanding someone before until he met you. And now because of you, his mind was a complete mess.

“That’s not my intention at all, your Majesty,” smiling up at him, you placed your hand on his shoulder, smirking at the feeling of him tensing underneath your fingertips. “All I want is for the North, my home—your home to finally come out of its shadow that it has been forced to hide in for centuries.”

“And you think I’m the one that can do that?”

“Yes,” you nod, fingers dancing across his chest. “I’ve read records of previous Emperors and you’re the only that deserves that title. Unlike the other ones, you are resilient, intelligent, ruthless if necessary, and you even fight alongside your men which no other Emperor has done before.”

As each compliment came out of your mouth, Yoongi couldn’t help but feel himself starting to get hard underneath his lower robes, and you running your hands seductively over his chest definitely wasn’t helping.

“How should I repay you for your kindness then,” Yoongi found himself melting against your touch, his hands finding their way into your waist. “Because someone like you definitely deserves an reward for their loyalty.” Yoongi then turns you around in one quick motion, causing you to gasp at the sudden action and feeling his strong chest pressed up against your back and lips brushing against your ear.

A tiny moan escaped from your lips when feeling his hard length suddenly rub against your ass, you yourself starting to get hard as well. “Should I buy you plenty of jewelry, or maybe a large palace just for you?” Yoongi then pushed you up against the wall, smirking at the small gasp that came from you. “Or perhaps,” another moan came out of your mouth when one of his hands slipped underneath your robes and caressed the soft flesh of your behind, “make you wife?”

Yoongi chuckled when feeling shiver against him. “Yeah, you would like that, huh? Being my wife, an Empress, ruling right beside me?”

“Y-Yes, your Majesty,” you stuttered out, tilting your head back from the sensation, giving Yoongi the opportunity to lean down and leaving wet, tender kisses along your neck and bare shoulder, leaving dark bruises that’ll be near impossible to cover up tomorrow morning.

“Good,” Yoongi left another mark on your skin, dragging his finger across your ass, teasing your clenching hole with his fingertip. “Then how about we—secure our deal, then? And when you nodded, that was all Yoongi needed before turning you around to face him and crashing his lips down forcefully onto yours. The kiss was rough, yet tender and filled with lust. With your hands around his neck, Yoongi’s slid down to your thighs and hoisted you up into his arms, deepening the kiss with his lips moving in perfect sync against yours.

The kiss was like a drug that neither of you couldn’t get enough of.

“Please, your Majesty,” you whimpered against his lips, which made Yoongi want you even more than he already did. “Can you please h-hurry?”

Yoongi smirked against your lips, pulling away. “Don’t worry, my love, just be patient.”

It was quite ironic though, because Yoongi was everything but patient when it came to you. He couldn’t wait any longer. Instead of carrying you all the way to his chamber, he laid you on the closest flat surface which happened to be a table and tore your robes completely off of you, leaving you bare and them in ruins.

Yoongi decided to take his sweet time with you, dragging his lips across your ankles, up your legs to your meaty thighs. He then began to leave open mouth kisses over your abdomen and up your chest, teasing your nipples with his tongue and grazing the wet muscle over your collarbone. Yoongi continued his assault on your body until he reached back up your lips, capturing them this time into a soft, passionate kiss which you gladly returned without a second thought, hands sliding up to his shoulders and helping him strip from his own robes, revealing his pale and toned body.

Your mouth watered at the sight of him, eyeing his define muscles, the way his abs clenched as he climbed onto the table and hovered over you, and the way his biceps bulged as he held himself above you. “Y-Your Majesty—”

“Yoongi,” he cut you off, pulling away and moving his lips to your throat. “Call me, Yoongi, my love.”

“Y-Yoongi,” you tried out, heart warming in both of your chests once hearing his name come out of your mouth. It sounded right coming from you. “Please—”

“Don’t worry, my love,” Yoongi reassured you, moving his lips back up to yours. “I’m here, I’m here. Let me show you how it feels to be loved by a real man, yeah?”

The night was then soon filled with nothing but the sound your combined moans, skin slapping and the shared whispers of sweet words between one another.

This was the start of something new.

“T-Taehyung, faster, faster please!”

The sound of the woman’s moans and the bed’s headboard banging against the connecting wall to your room made your blood boil. Your hands clenched into fists and teeth biting angrily down onto your lips.

“Be patient, my love,” you could hear your husband say through the thin wall, making the rage that flowed through your veins grow more. “Let me cherish you, beautiful...”

“Your Highness,” the sound of a man’s voice tore you out of your thoughts, “I’ve done what you’ve asked me to do.”

“Everything’s prepared and ready?”

The guard nodded his head once you turned around, “yes, your Highness. The only people remaining in the palace are your loyal followers. Everyone else has been sent home.”

“Good,” only came out of your mouth before leaving your chambers with the guard following closely behind you. You walked over next door and didn’t bother knocking before barging right in, your husband and the girl instantly jumping to cover themselves with the thin bedsheets.

“What the fuck?!” Taehyung curses loudly, staring at you with wide eyes and wrapping his arms around the girl’s waist, pulling her close. “What are you doing here? I told already you that I’m staying here tonight.”

“I know,” you replied with not even a single ounce of emotion heard in your voice.

Taehyung’s eyes then shifted towards the guard that stood beside you. “What’s going on here?”

You didn’t say anything, only smiled, and that caused fear to form in the pit of Taehyung’s gut. With just the simple nod of your head, the guard walked over to the servant girl and snatched her by her hair, tearing her away from his grasp and yanking her off the bed and onto the ground.

“Stop—” Taehyung tried to reach for her but stopped when the guard pulled out a dagger and held the sharp blade against her neck, tears shining in her eyes. He then turned towards you, eyes glistening as well, “why are you doing this?”

“Change,” was all you said before nodding your head again, giving the guard the order to slide his blade across the girl’s throat, killing her instantly and letting her limp body collapse into the ground.

“N-No no,” Taehyung didn’t hesitate this time to jump out of the bed, despite being completely nude and taking her now lifeless body into his arms, blood staining the ground and his skin, and tears spilling uncontrollably from his eyes. “She was pregnant...”

“Oh well.”

Taehyung’s head shot up from your heartless comment, his teary eyes shining with a newfound rage. Before he had the chance to say anything the guard approached him from behind and wrapped his arms tightly around his neck. He immediately began clawing at his arms, trying to gasp for air that was becoming harder and harder to obtain, eyes bright red and nearly bulging out, tears slipping from them and sliding down his cheeks.

The last thing he saw before he took his last breath and eyes slowly closed was you standing in front of him with a sinister grin on your lips.

“Your Majesty.”

Yoongi glanced up from his book to see his personal advisor standing right in front of him by his library’s entrance. He hummed in reply, signaling for the young man to continue. We’ve gotten word from Lady Kim—” Yoongi glared at him, causing his advisor to pause and correct his words, “—I mean, ____’s agents that they have completed their duties.”

“They have?” Yoongi asked with a raised brow. He knew you were more than capable of doing this, but he thought something this major would take at least a week to accomplish. He didn’t expect to hear about any success a day later.

“Yes, your Majesty,” his advisor nodded. “The Jung palace is flames at this moment and there is word that Jung Hoseok himself and his wife were in their chambers when the fire happened. And as for Park Jimin, he was found murdered in his bed with a dagger in his chest. Some say it was one of his concubines that done it.”

“What about Kim Taehyung?” Yoongi found himself asking, his mind instantly thinking of you. “Was ___ successful?”

“Yes, your Majesty he was,” his advisor answered. “I was informed about Kim Taehyung’s death by ___ himself.”

Yoongi couldn’t stop the smile forming on his lips. “Good.”

“Would you like to start writing your succession speech now, your Majesty?”

“Yes,” Yoongi answered. “We’ll have the succession conference next week, and make sure every minor clan leader comes so that they know who is in charge now.”

“Yes, your Majesty,” his advisor nodded his head, and before leaving he turned back and said to him in a teasing tone, “oh, and someone is here to see you.”

Yoongi was about to ask him who it was, but he stopped himself when his eyes suddenly landed on you standing in his library’s entrance, his heart stopping in his chest at the sight of you. “H-Hey,” he stuttered out, cringing at the sound of himself. In all his years of living, nobody has ever had this type of power over him—but he wasn’t complaining either.

“Hello, your Majesty,” your reply sent tingles all over his body—and he loved it.

There was nothing but silence afterwards between you two because there wasn’t any need for words. The only thing you two needed to express the feelings you have for each other was your eyes—the passion, the lust, the want that shined in them.

This is just the beginning for you two.

would you guys like to see a drabble series of these two in the future maybe? emperor yoongi and his male wife.

TAGLIST:

@ben-c0c, @sombreboy, @theclawofsa, @joongtoons, @xavi-in-kpopland, @ephemeralkookie, @yoshiure, @illbeyournightmare, @sonderkook, @spaceisbigger, @catboygyu, @justqueerandhereforthetea, @xxminilah

#bonnyskies #bts #bts angst #bts one shot #bts x reader #bts x male reader #min yoongi #min yoongi angst #min yoongi one shot #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi x male reader #yoongi #yoongi angst #yoongi one shot #yoongi x reader #yoongi x male reader #bts imagines #min yoongi imagines #yoongi imagines

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sennsational · 3 years ago

Text

pairing : kuroo tetsurō x gn!reader

genre : angst, hurt/comfort

words : 1.800

warning : this will be a somewhat graphic ! i advice only my 18+ lovelies to read this (ofc with the tw in mind), NO MINORS ! please be mindful of the tw listed down below, i don’t want u to read this if these tw does trigger u ! also, if u suffer from any of the tw ; u are not alone and there are suicide hotlines u can call for help. these people are at ur service 24/7.

tw : mention of self harm, suicidal behavior, cutting and depression

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something is bothering u, it’s as clear as day for ur boyfriend of five years, kuroo tetsurō. yet, what exactly is still a mystery to him. he asked u multiple times, but u would tell him that he’s overreacting and that everything is fine. kuroo would’ve let it go, given that it’s ur own choice if u want to confide in him or not, but he can’t help feeling more worried every day. especially when he notices the subtle, but alarming changes in ur appearance.

the color fading from ur face, ur eyes seeming to be soulless and cold. the dark circles under ur eyes, getting even more darker by the day or the fact that u would wear the same long sleeve shirts, even when it’s 30 degrees outside. now that he thought about it, he can’t even remember u wearing anything else other than long sleeve shirts.

he remembered one incident, when he forgot his phone in the bedroom. as he went to retrieve it, he spotted u on the edge of the bed with ur left sleeve rolled up, while caressing ur arm gently. he wanted to ask u what’s wrong, even tho he already had a presumption, but he forgot to knock. when he wanted to take a step inside the bedroom, u noticed him from the corner of ur eye. both of ur eyes widening as u desperately dashed for the door, almost tripping over ur own feet and slammed it back in his face, while screaming that he should’ve knocked. granted, it was his fault for not knocking in the first place, but at that moment the thought of knocking truly didn’t come up.

u didn’t talk to him for a week, blocking his phone number and spending 5 days of that week at ur best friend’s house. they did message him that u were doing somewhat okay, after he spammed them with worried texts.

it’s not only the change in ur appearance that he notices, but also changes in ur behavior. the way u keep spacing out whenever he talks to u or how u would always withdrawal from friends, him or any kind of social activities, choosing to lock urself up in the bedroom and only coming out when u need the bathroom. u didn’t eat, drink or sleep. and to top it all of, it felt like u were deliberately indulging urself into potentially dangerous behavior, like the way u drove so recklessly or ur increase in alcohol consumption.

u think he would’ve let it go at this point, but kuroo always was the persistent and stubborn type, especially regarding u. and honestly, can u blame the guy for worrying about ur health. he wants u to feel comfortable around him and to trust him enough to confide ur problems and worries to him, like he does with u. it makes him feel like a worthless boyfriend every time u push him away. to kuroo, it looks like ur completely giving up on ur life and whatever he tries to do to cheer u up only backfires in the end.

he asked one of his close friends, akaashi keiji, to accompany him during lunchbreak, both of them residing in tokyo at the moment. that’s when he talked about his worries of u and akaashi, being the direct guy he is, didn’t sugarcoat it when he pointed out that the signs kuroo mentioned seem to fit with the diagnose of someone who either suffers from depression, is suicidal or both.

the moment akaashi mentioned the possibility, kuroo immediately denied it. ur not depressed or suicidal….right? it couldn’t be. u can’t be. u were doing perfectly fine up until three months ago, when he noticed the changes in ur appearance and behavior. but then again, he was away on business trips a lot this year. even if something happened, he wouldn’t know about it if u don’t mention it to him. akaashi saw him going through all the different stages of denial, until he finally accepted the fact that u having those mental disorders could be an valid possibility.

an possibility he truly dreaded and an possibility that was unfortunately a reality, the next day when he came home from work. he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the night with u. but when he opened the front door and took of his shoes and jacket, announcing that he’s home, he didn’t see or hear from u. which was strange for u, because even tho u didn’t come out of the bedroom most of the time, u would still poke out ur head to say a brief ‘hello’

he walked around the living room and kitchen, still calling ur name, but when he didn’t see u in either of those rooms he left to take the stairs to the bedroom. u weren’t there either, which only left the bathroom. he saw that the light was turned on and the door was unlocked. he knew what happened last time in the bedroom, but curiosity and worry took the better of him as he opened the door. nothing could’ve prepared him for the sight before him tho.

“sweetheart, are u he-“ words dying down when he saw u standing before the bathroom mirror. bathroom sink painted red and razer blade in hand, halfway creating another bloody line on ur arm next to multiple others. ur eyes widened and u let the razer blade fall in the sink, while trying to cover up what u did, but to no avail. kuroo saw everything clearly.

time seemed to stand still, none of u making another move until u fell to ur knees. ur whole body began to shake as u repeatedly said ‘no’, like ur trying to convince urself that kuroo did not just walk in on u self-harming.

kuroo was paralyzed. he didn’t know what to think or what to do. he knew the possibility of u self-harming was a thing, but to see u actually do it was heartbreaking to him. he only broke out of his trance when he heard u let out the most heart wrenching screams, full with pain and despair. he wanted to run up to u and envelop u in a hug, promising that everything would be okay, but he knew that wasn’t a good option right now. especially not in the state u were in.

that’s why he chose to walk calmly to the medicine drawer, next to the bathroom mirror, to retrieve the supplies to help take care of the cuts. he tried not to cringe away at the sight of the blood in the sink and focused his attention entirely on u.

he stood before ur trembling body and squatted down.“y/n, sweetheart, it’s me, tetsurō. ur with me in the bathroom and ur safe. i’m not mad at u. i want to help u, but i have to take a look at ur arm in order for me to do that. can i touch u?” he asked softly, making sure to keep a comfortable distance.

u were unable to stop from crying, but he saw u give the faintest nod for him to go on. he thanked u as he took a hold of ur arm, gently as to not hurt u more. he then went to work, cleaning the cuts and bandaging it up, all the while being silent and working very meticulously. when he was done, he took a hold of both of ur hands, rubbing his thumb over ur knuckles, waiting for u to calm down a bit. when u finally did, he spoke.

“y/n, can u please talk to me? what made u do this? what has been plaguing u for so long? please, tell me so i can help u” he asked calmly. it took u some time, before u tried to speak. “i wish that i could stop the endless tears and the pain i feel every single night, waiting for the sun to come out and survive another day while wearing my happy mask for the world to see.” u said, voice barely above a whisper as u tried to wipe away the tears to no avail.

kuroo kept quiet, not sure what u were implying exactly. he gave ur hand a gentle squeeze as a signal to continue. u did. “only i know what i’ve been through and only i feel the way i do, seeming to make everything worse now as i try to spare u from my problems.”

“but i can’t help myself out and i wish i could tho. it feels like i’m carrying the weight on my shoulders and i can’t take it off. i can’t tell u about my past, the pain still fresh in my heart. i want to tell u, but i physically can’t. i’m sorry tetsurō, i’m so, so sorry.” u cried out and that’s when kuroo caved in, as he closed the distance between u two and enveloped u in his arms.

one hand rubbing soothing circles on ur back as the other hold ur head against his chest. tears start streaming freely down his face as well. “y/n, please don’t apologize. whatever happened is not ur fault. u don’t have to tell me now what happened, but i can’t just sit by and do nothing when ur obviously suffering so much.” he cried out. “let me help u. stop pushing me away every chance u get, u know damn well i will not go anywhere and that from the moment u decided on being my s/o, ur stuck with me.”

it was silent for a while, the only sound that could be heard were both of ur sniffles, until u took a shivering breath as u tried to speak again. “please help me out, tetsurō. i can’t break free from the cards i’ve been dealt and i don’t want to feel this pain anymore. i need help. i need u.”

kuroo’s hold on u tightened, but he was still being careful with ur arm. “u don’t have to do this alone y/n. i will be there every step of the way, but u have to let me in. if u would let me, we will make an appointment next thing in the morning with the general practitioner, before u can qualify with a psychologist.”

u let out a big shuddering breath, ur eyes holding a mix of anxiety, distress and fear at the prospect of an psychologist, but deep down u knew kuroo was right. “i know u don’t want professional help, but u can’t do it by urself. trust me on this y/n. i love u and i’m sorry that i wasn’t much here for u. i will from now on, u have my word on that. we’re in this together.”

‘together’ u thought. u never really considered getting help, not wanting to be a burden to anyone. however, the sincerity u felt from both kuroo’s actions and words made u believe that maybe ur not a bother, at least not to him. “thank u, tetsurō” u whispered out when u finally hugged him back, nuzzling ur face in his chest. “i love u too, we’re in this together”.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

reblogs are appreciated !

[a/n] : pt.25367 of senn writing another self-indulgent angsty one-shot cause they apparently hate themselves and they can’t seem to write fluff for some reason ;.;

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mirohlixie · 4 years ago

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Never Enough (Hyunlix) Pt. 1

Pairing: Felix x Hyunjin Word Count: 2.4K Genre: AU, love, dystopia

Synopsis: In a world where being different from the conventional gender and sexuality rules means death, the gay youngster Felix struggles to hide his true sexuality. He is doing well until he meets Hyunjin, an undercover hitman hired by the government to get rid of all the "different" people in hiding. The moment the two meet each other, both of their lives change forever, but will it be enough?

Content warnings: AU, homophobia, discrimination against LGBTQ+, explicit language.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~He looked up from his notebook, out of his window. The wind was blowing and rain was falling out of the sky in thick drops. The poor boy got bored from being inside all the time, but the weather wasn’t very forgiving. It had been like this for a couple of days now and it didn’t look like it was going to change soon.

“Felix,” a soft voice called from downstairs. “Do you want to come down for tea?” It was the same old story every day. He’d be in his room, usually reading or working on song lyrics all day. Some time afternoon his mother would start to wonder what he was doing up there all the time, and call him down for tea. He always said no, like he was going to do now. He simply didn’t feel like being among other humans.

All Felix longed for was to take a long walk, anywhere. Just him and nature and no other people. A place where he could be alone with his thoughts without feeling like it was a sin to even have them cross his mind. Because that was what his thoughts were: a sin. A boy like him should not be thinking about the things he thought of. Even better, it was forbidden. If anyone ever found out about the words dancing in his mind, he’d have to pay with his life.

At first, Felix had been pretty good at hiding his thoughts. He’d be among his family and laugh and have fun with them. However, as he grew up, he found it harder and harder not to let the words slip his mind. The safe storage that was once his head slowly began to deteriorate. His subconscious longed for the freedom that would come with the exposure of his secret. However, that moment could never exist. He didn’t want to die. Not because of this.

“Please Lix,” his mother called again. “You’re never downstairs anymore. You’re withering away in that room of yours. Wouldn’t you like to be with us just for a little? Just one cup of tea?” Felix knew his mother would keep asking until he’d give in, and he couldn’t give in.

Especially today his mind had been like a time bomb. Every time he looked in the mirror he had to withhold himself from saying those forbidden words. From saying those words that would essentially cost him his life. He could not even imagine what it would be like if he was among others. If his reflection alone was already enough to make him break, then what would a living human being do to him? How would he ever be able to resist their curiosity?

“No,” he called down. “I’m about to go on a walk,” it was an impulsive excuse and he hadn’t known why exactly he’d thought it would be the perfect one. However, now he’d already said it and had to follow through with the plan. He hopped from his bed and quickly put on a pair of shoes. He looked out the window, sighing when he saw the rain, and sprinted down the stairs to put on a coat.

“In this kind of weather?” His mother questioned, raising an eyebrow as she saw her son appear in the hallway. “It’s raining cats and dogs.”

“I know, but I like the rain,” Felix lied. “So I’m going on a walk. I’ll be back before dark, mom,” he zipped his coat and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek before walking out the front door.

The cold wind hit him in the face like a brick and he had to take a deep breath before he could find the courage to actually walk down the driveway and leave the perimeters of his parents’ house.

“I like the rain,” he muttered to himself as he pulled the hood of his coat closer to his face and started to conquer the strong winds fighting for dominance over him. “I’m such a bad liar.”

It was empty in the streets, which was perfect. The last thing Felix needed now was encountering someone he knew. He wanted to be alone. Completely alone. The rain started to get less intense the more he walked, which was a welcome change. The wind still stayed the same, pulling at his clothes and trying to push him back towards his home.

He loved the thundering sounds the moving air brought with it. It completely masked any other sound coming from him and his surroundings. It made him feel safe; safer than he was at home. Safer than he was anywhere.

Here he’d be able to speak his mind without care. Here he’d be able to be himself just for a second. He took a deep breath, looked around him, and smiled a little before uttering the dangerous words.

“I am different,” he whispered at first. Fear grabbed him by the throat as he checked his surroundings again, afraid someone would’ve caught him anyway, but there was nobody there. “I like men,” he elaborated. “I am a sinner because I like men instead of women,”

To Felix, it was hideous that this detail about himself could cost him his life. Unfortunately, it was the truth. Having a sexual and romantic attraction to people of the same sex was not allowed. Falling for or having a relationship with someone of the same sex was not allowed.

It was crazily old-fashioned and absolutely the highest form of discrimination, but yes; your sexuality could get you killed. If you were pleaded guilty of being "different", it meant immediate death, as ridiculous as that may sound. No trial, no bail. If there were enough grounds to convince the government you were gay, you were done for.

Not only men loving men or women loving women suffered this tragic and brutal fate, but every person who was different. Every person who didn't fit the standard boxes of society, the standard boxes being women loving men and men loving women. There was no room for nuisance.

Why these rules existed in today’s day and age? Nobody knew. The simple answer was that it had always been like that. People who were different were a threat. People who were different didn't have a right to walk this earth. To them, the lives lost did not matter, which was absolutely disgusting in Felix’s opinion.

To them, it was merely a way to make sure the earth wouldn’t get overcrowded. The way Felix saw it, they were just scared of change. In ancient times it had been normal to be a man romantically involved with another man. It was the modern-day society that had made it into a sin. The few people who rejected this idea and showed resistance awaited the same fate as these "different" people. Nobody was safe, so it was better to pretend you agreed with it.

Felix's parents also lived by these rules, so ever since Felix found out his preference wasn't towards women, he'd hidden from them. They couldn't find out, or they would probably report him to the state. Their own son meant nothing to them if he was different.

Of course, tracking down every single "different" person was difficult, and seemed nearly impossible, since you’re not exactly born with a sign on your head that says you’re different. However, the government had its ways to track you down, may it be legal or illegal. These ways were sneaky and far from agreeable. You never knew who you could trust and who not. Living in this world was a true hell for people like Felix, but there was nothing they could do.

“I’m fucking different!” Felix shouted into the wind, knowing nobody could hear him here with the wind raging around him. “I like men and there’s nothing I can do!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure you accept the terms and conditions of this task?” The lady on the phone had asked him for the tenth time. “Are you sure you are willing to take this task upon you and deal with the consequences that may come with it?” Hyunjin had nodded before realizing she would not be able to see that.

“Yes, ma’am,” he’d said. “I accept all of it. I am ready, I promise,” he’d looked at the booklet that had fallen onto the doormat this morning. He’d been waiting for it for a while now and today had been the day it had finally arrived. He’d almost jumped when he’d heard the sound of the booklet hitting the fabric. It was dumb and he knew that, but to him, this seemed like the only option.

It was fucked up, Hyunjin knew that and would never try to deny it. However, he needed the money he’d get out of it. Not for himself, but for his mother. His dear mother, the woman who’d raised him to be the man he was today, was a sickly woman now. She’d been diagnosed with a rare disease that could only be helped with expensive treatment. Without the treatment, the chances she’d not see the end of the year were very big. If she did get the treatment, it would give her the rest of her life back.

That’s all Hyunjin wanted for her; She had to see him grow up. She had to see her grandchildren grow up. He couldn’t lose her, not in a society like this one.

“Ten grant,” he’d whispered to himself. That was what he’d receive if he went through with this. It was enough to pay for his mother’s treatment and her medicine. It would be enough to keep her alive. It would cost him a part of himself, but that would be worth it if he was able to save the woman who meant the most to him. But was ten grant enough in exchange for a life? Because that was what this task entailed…

The task he was about to accept, was that of a hitman. The government granted rewards of ten thousand dollars to those who were willing to go undercover and find out which members of their society did not follow the law concerning sexuality. Well, those who found them received only three thousand. Those who then also managed to end those so-called moles would receive the full ten grant. His job would be to be among the people and find out who was hiding their true, forbidden sexuality and to simply end their lives.

The government needed undercover hitmen like this because there were way too many moles for their normal police forces. The standard procedure was execution in the name of the state, according to the legal methods, like they to criminals who got the death sentence

These hitmen were different. Their methods were technically illegal, but if they got caught, they would be let off again before they could even go into trial. The government would close their eyes for crimes like the murder of these moles as long as the hit-man had an official permit given to them by the state. These hitmen were highly necessary since there was no way the government could punish every single mole, and other than that they'd gotten better at hiding their true nature as well.

“Then I would like to congratulate you with your permit,” the lady on the phone had said. “You know how it works. Find someone you think is suspicious, figure out whether they genuinely are or not, and then eventually end their life. Send the body over to the morgue and receive your ten grant. Try not to get caught. It's such a hassle to make them drop the charges,” she’d explained once more. “If you have any questions, do call us. The last thing I would like to add, is that the most important aspect of this job is instinct. Make sure you follow it. Don’t be a fool. Don’t ignore the signs.”

“But how will I be certain if it’s one of them?” Hyunjin had questioned. That’s what the moles were often referred to: them. Not us, but the other.

“You will know,” the lady had assured him. “I promise. I have to move on to the next call now. I wish you much wisdom and luck, Hwang Hyunjin. We are looking forward to seeing your first catch soon,” and with that, she’d ended the call. Hyunjin had sat on the couch and contemplated the idea for the rest of the morning, fumbling around with the permit that had just been activated in his hands.

Was he actually going to kill someone only because of their sexuality? He knew they were deemed evil. They were different, that's what everyone had always been told over the past centuries. They didn’t deserve a place in this society, according to the government. It was never completely explained why this difference from the rest was such a bad thing. They were still people, weren't they? Was he really capable of taking another human’s life?

He shook the thought off as he was walking outside in the rain with his hood pulled over his hair a couple of hours after the call. He needed the money, so he was going to succeed. He didn’t care how much it would cost him, or how long it was going to take him to find someone. He was going to try the best he could and that was all he could promise right now. After all, it would take a while before he’d find the first person, wouldn’t it? They were called moles for a reason.

That’s what Hyunjin thought before he saw him; the person who would change his life forever. The person that truly caught his attention. At first, he thought he was just looking at the back someone who had lost his mind, yelling meaningless words into the wind, but when he listened more closely, alarms should’ve started to ring immediately in the back of his head.

“I’m fucking different!” The figure with the blonde hair yelled into the wind, probably thinking nobody would be able to hear him over the loud thundering of the air. “I like men and there’s nothing I can do!” Hyunjin bit his lip. Bingo, he thought. This was going to be easier than he’d expected.

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redrobin-detective · 4 years ago

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I was really tired overworking myself the past two days and my brain, for whatever reason, latched onto picking apart Aizawa. So here’s some thoughts I guess.

- Aizawa comes across as a bitter person who still maintains his kindness and passion beneath his apathetic exterior. I believe he came from a neglectful home, not truly abusive but one where he was left to his own devices most times. He learned a lot through books which explains his preference for logic and his general awkwardness with people.

- He was a late bloomer with his quirk, it wasn’t officially diagnosed until he was 5/6 though its debatable if it did manifest earlier and no one noticed. Psychic quirks ran in his family but the quirk erasure really took them by surprise. Began having dry eye and itchiness when he was young and never knew why. I like to believe the quirk developed in one eye first which his folks just slapped an eyepatch on and moved on (inspired by this image from Smash)

- (I have so many thoughts on his parents and their lives/quirks but that’s another story. At best they’re detached, busy parents but at worst... using their psychic quirks to create their wealth as manipulative people causing Aizawa’s general distrust of people and help fan his desire to be a hero)

- ((I cannot let go of the headcanon that the reason Shouta keeps his hair so long, an illogical borderline dangerous “tell” for his quirk, is not only for comfort. One of his parents’ psychic quirks also made their hair float, but they kept it cropped short to fool people. Aizawa values honesty so much and the idea of tricking people like that way burns him so he keeps his hair long))

- Did face some backlash from his quirk, people didn’t like having their “special abilities” taken from them. It wasn’t as bad as Shinsou experienced partially bc he initially couldn’t control erasure to the point kids would fear him and partially because he had little to no interaction with his peers. He self isolated and made no attempts to make friends or declare his desire to be a hero.

- Lots of people argue Aizawa came from wealth or poverty and I say por que no los dos? Aizawa was born into a rich family and as a child was given the best schooling, clothing, etc but very little attention. At some point in his mid childhood (I say about 10) the wealth was taken away and baby Zawa kind of had to realign his world view and adapt. Even when he became financially stable as an adult he still maintains the frugal habits he developed.

- Originally had no interest in being a hero, it was just a stupid popularity contest with no weight behind it. Once he moved to the poorer, more dangerous side of town he saw people suffering and wanted to do something about it. Thought about the police but saw how little power they had compared to heroes. When he expressed a desire everyone told him he couldn’t with his quirk so from then spite was his primary motivator.

- Was always quiet and sneaky and once he devoted himself to being a hero (a real hero not some fake he told himself angrily at 3am as he’s up training once more) he trained relentlessly. He parkoured everywhere, watched as many fights as he could to learn moves and spent so much time making his own style. A lot of it got corrected once he got to Yuuei and he learned *proper* fighting but he still maintains his own unique sensibilities.

- Has a legitimate sleep disorder only exacerbated by his crazy training schedule and later, all his jobs. Hasn’t gotten a proper nights sleep in years and at this point he’s too afraid to find out what would happen if he did.

- Erasure was an incredibly difficult quirk to wrangle, at first he could only maintain the quirk in second long bursts before his head hurt and his eyes were screaming. It took years of practice before he could maintain it for any significant length of time, much less during the stress of a fight. It speaks immensely to Aizawa’s training and persistence to make an initially weak quirk invaluable.

- Oboro was his first real friend when he first joined the hero course, from there he met Hizashi who was also Oboro’s friend. When he died, Hizashi and Shouta wondered if they could maintain their friendship without the glue holding them together but they’ve endured, stronger than ever.

- Was so aggressively prickly and determined when he first transferred into the hero course. He was so filled with energy to prove himself that he really put off his fellow classmates. Once he realized that he wasn’t going to be thrown out immediately he settled down a bit but never lost the feeling that most other students thought he shouldn’t be there.

- Once Aizawa became well known in underground circles, he became very sought after by mainstream agencies. A hero who could erase villain quirks AND engage in active combat?? Everyone wants him on their staff but he insists on staying out of the limelight, working undercover for a pittance and turning his nose up at high paying sidekick gigs.

- Never wanted to be a teacher, Oboro was the one who really was interested in coming back to teach at Yuuei. Talked about it alot, though he said he’d do it after he retired from Heroics. It wasn’t the only reason but Midnight, Mic and Aizawa were all thinking of him when they signed their teaching contracts. It took some trial and error but Aizawa took to teaching quite easily, found it really suited him. He’ll never admit it but he prefers it to pro heroing, here is where he’s really making a difference.

- for the students he “accepts” Aizawa is so devoted to them, paying attention to their exploits in the news and sending them messages with advice or congratulations when they do well. For all that he has a reputation of strictness and cruelty, his students know how much he cares. When 1A graduates, he’s gonna be so damn proud and watch them succeed.

#aizawa shouta #eraserhead #brain went on a headcanon spree the last few days #put together an entire proposed timeline for young aizawa #might tweak it more but it was fun

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petri808 · 4 years ago

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1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33-Epilogue

— I just wanna say thank you so much to everyone who followed along, your comments and suggestions along the way really helped to bring this story to life! It’s my longest fic to date, and to think it started as a one-shot for nalu day 2020 lol. YOU GUYS HELPED MAKE THIS HAPPEN! 🥳🥰🥰 ILY YOU ALL!💜💜💜💜

@mcornilliac special shout out for you help with the toughest part 😘

Even after all these years, riding on a train still brought a small flutter to Lucy’s stomach as she remembered the long ago evening when she’d met her husband. From an innocent meeting to a death defying experience, talk about a roller coaster ride. And yet, if she had to do it all over again, Lucy wouldn’t change a thing. Crazy sounding yes, for why would anyone not want to avoid what she’d gone through? Touka had truly pushed her sanity to the breaking point, but well, the therapist was right in the end and Lucy felt almost invincible now. All that pain, all the struggle she’d pushed through had made her the strong and resilient woman she was today. Happily married to Natsu with their fraternal twins Nashi and Ryuu. Mrs. Natsu Dragneel, Lucy smiled to herself, there was no way she’d change a thing.

Of course, it hadn’t been easy. After Natsu proposed and Lucy had accepted, there were still a lot of work to be done. But that measure of acceptance and affection did wonders. Any worries she’d had that he wouldn’t want a broken woman melted away and gave her the confidence to get better. With each passing therapy session, her strength grew, and by the time they graduated college, Lucy could honestly say she’d been cured to a functional degree. No longer struggling through nightmares and panic attacks, her anxieties were under control and the debilitating depression a distant memory where it belonged.

Yeah... Lucy sighed happily as she watched the landscape pass by from her train seat. Meeting Natsu was the best thing to ever happen in her life, well, aside from the kids. They’d married about a year after graduation on the anniversary of their meeting. It was a beautiful affair at an indoor venue, with close friends and family to join them. They’d gone a more modern route for the ceremony but did take pictures at a garden dressed in the traditional attire for sentimental reasons. Lucy wore the shiromuku white kimono while Natsu a montsuki haori hakama. And no, it wasn’t train themed! Levy was the Maid of Honor and Gray was the best man. By then, Levy and Gajeel were also married and Gray in a serious relationship with a girl named Juvia Lockser. Lucy was so happy for them both. All of their lives were moving in the right direction.

Everything was perfect. Great jobs in their fields of interest, lives settled into a comfortable routine, when 5 years later Lucy was pregnant with fraternal twins. It was a total surprise since twins didn’t run in either of their families. Always the jovial optimist, Natsu joked that they’d been doubly blessed because of what they’d gone through, and Lucy couldn’t help but love such a concept. Of course, once the euphoria of the motherhood prospect waned, reality set in that she was having twins! Two! Double the babies meant double of everything, from the pregnancy concerns to raising them. Growing up without a mother and as an only child, Lucy didn’t have a lot of experience with small children. But Natsu patiently assured her, that she’d do just fine. Think of it as a new challenge, and after overcoming one pretty tough situation, this would be a walk in the park. On the bright side, Levy was also pregnant with the couple’s first child so the two best friend’s kids would grow up together.

And Natsu was right, there were a few bumps in the road but nothing too difficult. During her fourth month Lucy was diagnosed with gestational diabetes as well as some minor gastrointestinal issues, so Natsu swayed the doctor to put her on bed rest. Better safe than sorry. The babies were healthy, but by the 7th month, she really couldn’t move much, and she was miserable being stuck at home all the time. Lucy missed her job because she genuinely enjoyed working for the magazine. But in the end, it had been a good thing. She could manage her health easier that way and it gave her time to do something she’d thought about doing as part of the healing process. With Natsu’s support and permission, it was time to put her writing skills to good use and write a book about their experience.

It became an instant hit, especially with female readers. The book was not only an autobiographical reflection of what had happened to them but focused on shining a light on the dangers of stalkers, as well as the importance of taking the warning signs seriously. Lucy didn’t hold back in her re-telling, even pointing out the serious flaws in Japan’s laws in protecting citizens from stalkers which at the time were nonexistent. Feminist organizations working to change those laws used her story with permission for their cause. She had no intentions of becoming a poster child for the movement, but in the end her role may have played its part, because 2 years after the publishing, Japan finally adopted anti-stalking laws making it easier for police to string together harassment cases, as well as for victims to get the help they needed.

Her life was nothing but exciting to say the least! And with two young children, now age 10 certainly kept them on their toes. Their daughter Nashi was just like Natsu, very outgoing, friendly, but a bit of a daredevil while her brother Ryuu born 4 minutes after her was the quieter of the two. He preferred books like his mother to adventure. Of course, that never stopped Nashi from dragging him into shenanigans! But the best part was how close they still were and fiercely protective of each other. Lucy and Natsu couldn’t be prouder of them and hoped this would continue throughout their lifetimes.

Fifteen years... come to think of it, their wedding anniversary was coming up shortly. With Natsu now a senior fire inspector for the Tokyo prefectural government, he was often busy. Lucy did mind it, because frankly it gave her some peace and quiet. She chuckled at the thought. Not that it was all that peaceful with the twins. But she digressed. His success meant their lives were very comfortable, and her own journalism successes while not as financially based, were still celebrated in their relationship. Natsu never waned in being the dutiful and supportive, always loving husband that Lucy felt blessed to grow old with.

‘Two more stops, pick up the kids from school, stop at the grocery store for dinner...’ Lucy tapped out on her phone a to-do list of ingredients to pick up at the store. Perhaps katsudon... ‘Mmm, or maybe nabe,’ hot-pot soup since it was expected to be a bit chilly that evening.

Lucy looked up briefly, really just spacing out in thought when someone catches her eye. At the other end of the train car, she noticed a woman facing slightly away, but enough to where she couldn’t quite see a face. It couldn’t be... Lucy looked away not wanting to stare, but somehow... for some reason the woman was awfully familiar... looking exactly like Touka. Well, not exactly, but enough to make the hair on the back of her neck stand up. It was a blonde, with a different hair style— and that could always be changed. Similar body type, the facial side-profile features that Lucy could see resembled Touka...

Now despite being better, her anxieties still bubbled up from time to time, so she immediately switched to her coping techniques to calm them down. ‘You’re fine,’ Lucy talked herself through it, ‘no point in getting riled up.’ The woman hadn’t done so much as looked in her direction, so it must be okay. Contrary to popular belief, things like depression and anxiety never fully goes away, especially when someone has experienced a severe level of it. Those emotions and irrational thoughts are forever programmed into the brain, but there are ways to keep them at bay and Lucy’s successfully done just that for 15 years.

‘Just go back to what you were doing. Katsudon or nabe? And don’t forget you need to pick up milk...’ But, fifteen years... could Touka have been released by now? Lucy shook the thought away again. ‘Stop it! Everything is fine. It’s not her!’ The train was semi-full of passengers all minding their own business... including the woman. There was no reason to start panicking now. Lucy adjusts her position on her seat away from the woman’s direction. If she couldn’t see her, she could pretend she didn’t exist. ‘Maybe I should pick up ingredients for both, that way I don’t have to shop tomorrow.’ Lucy thought to herself, and with the kids with her, they could help in carrying the shopping bags. ‘Yeah, we’ve got a plan…’

After figuring out her shopping list, Lucy pulled up social media to keep herself distracted and for a few minutes it did the trick. Silly videos of entertainers never got old. The train reached the next stop and she felt it come to a stop. Since it wasn’t hers, she didn’t pay it any mind as she scrolled through her feed. But as the disembarking passengers funnel past Lucy, her eyes pick up on a pair of pink high-heels peeking from over the edge of her phone. Her body instantly stiffened up from the similarity to the ones worn by the woman, while her curiosity slowly got the better of her. ‘Breath, act nonchalant!’ Lucy’s eyes tracked the high-heels moving past her until they left her periphery. She then slowly sat back up, pretending to readjust her position, when she caught a pair of eyes looking back. Lucy’s breathing hitches with a shaky exhale. “Oh, my god—"

Standing at the doorway with one hand on the frame, the blonde woman smiled at Lucy then winked before stepping off the train.

It was Touka!

#nalu #nalu au #nalu fan fiction #nalu fan fic #natsu dragneel #Lucy heartfilia #Natsu x lucy #fairy tail #strangers on a train #epilogue #petri808

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littleoddwriter · 3 years ago

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BoP!Roman Sionis has BPD (in my opinion) | Headcanon

Disclaimer: This is purely a headcanon with some “evidence” from the film. I have been diagnosed with BPD. This is by no means meant to invalidate any other headcanons (like the Bipolar one, which I’ll also mention here). Please don’t come for my ass, thanks!

Personally, I headcanon BoP!Roman Sionis to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). For one, I have been diagnosed with it, so I feel more connected to him through that (so, I may be projecting a liiittle bit). But he also shows quite a few signs for it, albeit it probably wasn’t intentional, nor does he have to have a specific disorder assigned to him anyway. Still!

I saw a lot of people assign Bipolar Disorder to him from the day the movie premiered, and while I can’t deny the possibility, nor do I want to take away anyone’s headcanon, one reason why I was always a bit “Hhh, idk” with it is because his mood swings are way too rapid. They happen in such quick succession, whereas Bipolar Disorder is known for- not gradual, but more long-lasting and slower changing moods/mood swings. BPD on that note happens in moments, almost. You can be feeling like you’re on top of the world, a God even, in one moment, and the very next - usually because of a trigger - you plummet, you feel everything at once, it is overwhelming. Most common are anxiety, guilt, or anger. Rage. Which Roman displays. He is also quick to calm down after an episode and act as if nothing has happened at all, which is also quite common in people with BPD.

It is of course possible that he has Bipolar and BPD. I’ve met some people who suffered from both (and more). It’s possible and quite common, since BPD often comes with other disorders anyway. They don’t cancel each other out. So, if anyone headcanons him with Bipolar, then that’s what he has and you can do whatever you want with that, I support that. I just feel as if sometimes people reached a quick verdict because the mood swings were so potent that they might have immediately connected it to Bipolar, because that’s pretty much all that people usually know about it. Or someone who suffers from it has seen Roman and thought “I see myself in that” and that’s super valid because that’s basically what I’m doing here, too. I still thought I’d bring it to attention, since it almost became Fanon at one point and I just felt as though the more plausible answer has been overlooked all this time, I’m not going to lie.

Onto the signs/”evidence” of Roman suffering from BPD that I found/have personally interpreted that way (again, you can interpret/headcanon whatever you want):

Please note that there are 9 Symptoms of BPD that are used to diagnose people. You have to show at least 5 of them to qualify for a diagnosis. It can’t be diagnosed before the age of 18, and it’s important that the symptoms have been going on for a long time in a certain pattern that aligns with BPD, rather than anything else because most BPD symptoms are ones that show in other disorders as well.

Intense fear of real or imagined abandonment and frantic attempts/efforts to stop said abandonment from happening: Roman is shown to 1) not handle rejection well at all (example: Keo, Dinah’s betrayal - and his reaction), 2) cling onto other people (example: Dinah), 3) need reassurance that he’s not being betrayed/abandoned (example: Dinah), etc. You get the idea. He reacts extremely to these things. Mr Keo rejects him? He gets murdered. Dinah betrays him? He breaks down completely.

Intense mood swings: What I said above - his mood swings are quick and extreme. He’s agitated, even raging, in one moment and in the next he jumps up, is giddy and excited, as though nothing ever happened.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation: Just like moods, and helped by the black/white thinking, opinions of other people can change in a heartbeat. Also characterised by a BPD-exclusive thing, called Splitting. One moment you’ll love someone to the moon and back, then they make one mistake, change their tone, anything, and you hate them, they’re evil, you want them gone. Sounds as unhealthy and exhausting as it is. Again with Dinah - she used to just be a singer in his club, which he was fascinated by. She comforted him. Suddenly, he made her his new driver and his opinion of her didn’t necessarily change, but it intensified, he “loved” her more than anything, or anyone else at that time - idealised her (I’d say that she momentarily was his new Favourite Person (FP, also BPD exclusive), even though Zsasz has been his FP for over a decade by then). Then she betrayed him and while he didn’t want Zsasz to kill her immediately, you could say that he may have wanted to do it himself. He definitely hated her at that point. She was evil, a betrayer. She needed to be gone.

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self: Basically, I’d say that his carefully constructed vain facade is part of it. I think he built this flamboyant, outgoing persona to appeal to others and be able to socialise better. He lives off of approval and attention, and the best way to get it is to be loud and eccentric the way we know him in the film. And he is narcissistic to a fault, which you could attribute to BPD as well, but also his lack of a clear sense of self, therefore forcing it by idealising himself almost. Just my thoughts, though. The more valuable evidence for this is Black Mask. Roman has this different persona, both as protection, and as a means to let go, to get away from himself, to be even more cruel, etc. But he doesn’t always make use of it, hell, for all we know, the end of the movie really was the first time (in a long time, perhaps) he’s actually been Black Mask. I believe that he doesn’t really know who he is, or who he wants to be. Black Mask knows it, though, and he is better in ways that Roman can’t push himself to be. At least that’s my take on it. I just feel as if Roman’s very flamboyant and eccentric persona is something he consciously built, that it’s someone he pretends to be, even though deep down he knows he’s not that. Or maybe it’s just a part of him that he amplifies because he doesn’t know what else there is to him, doesn’t see anything else significant to himself. You know?

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviours: Roman abuses substances (he takes drugs, drinks alcohol), especially when he is trying to cope after being rejected (Keo). Other things would only be speculation, so I won’t list them, but it’s safe to say that he does show this symptom.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights): Not much to say to that, if you’re reading this, you have seen the film and know exactly why I say that he clearly shows this symptom.

Paranoia and Dissociation: It’s not an entirely clear thing, but I’d argue that it’s safe to say that he shows clear signs of dissociation and paranoia. [I’d also say he is shown to be psychotic (he’s definitely delusional and has auditory hallucinations, so- psychosis).] For the paranoia, I doubt I have to say a lot about this, but- Black Canary again. “You wouldn’t betray me, would you?” after he’s already been betrayed by Harley and then Erika, who he thought has been laughing at him. He can’t trust anyone. Not even Zsasz, apparently. Because when Victor told him Dinah is a rat, he asked him “Are you sure?”, making it clear that in this very moment, he didn’t trust him either. I feel like he probably doesn’t even trust Victor as blindly as we were made to believe anyway, due to his paranoia. [Now for the psychosis: You can hear too loud and distorted laughter when Keo rejects him, when Erika supposedly laughed at him, and when Victor tells him Dinah is a rat. I’d say that it’s safe to assume that he hears this laughter in his head - auditory hallucinations.] He also dissociates, when he becomes Black Mask, and when he is having an episode because of the diamond being stolen. Only Victor could ground him by intense physical contact and seeking just as intense eye contact.

As you can see, I can assign 7 of the 9 criteria to Roman (the two that have been left out were self-harming/suicidal behaviour and chronic feelings of emptiness, both of which I can’t determine through what we’ve been shown in the film, so).

Still, to me, he may as well suffer from both BPD and Bipolar, which would make his psychosis even more likely (psychosis can also be caused by BPD, but actual hallucinations are less common, usually we are more likely to “only” experience delusions).

If anyone’s even read all of this - What are your thoughts on this? Do you think it’s plausible? Did you have a wholly different opinion? I’d love to hear anything people have to say, as long as it is respectful!

#bpd #borderline personality disorder #roman sionis #ewan mcgregor #birds of prey #harley quinn birds of prey #birds of prey and the fantabulous emancipation of one harley quinn #headcanon #mental disorder headcanon #character study #dissociation #paranoia #psychosis #just for those who have blacklisted these tags idk #i wanted to write a vent fic because my bpd f-ed me over big time today #but instead i wrote this in the past three hours #and i am making it everyone else's problem #so rip lol

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randomly-a-fan · 3 years ago

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When MJ first encountered IT (Pt. 2)

Pt. 1

It was a rough day, since Lily was still upset over her boat. “Lily, I know you’re upset, but I promise I’ll buy you a new one; you bought it at a DollarStore, right?” MJ asked. “I ordered it off eBay... It came all the way from Japan!” Lily exclaimed in anger before she went to her motel room. MJ teared up as she was to blame for losing the boat. “Maybe I should have grabbed the boat from that sewer clown.” MJ thought to herself before she gets herself ready for bed.

Meanwhile, over at the old house called the Neibolt House, Pennywise was pondering over the thought of the women having an ability to encounter him. There is something about MJ that made her so... child-like. “If I focus on her young ones, we’ll see where we go from there...” Then he made a happy chuckle as he was looking at the wooden boat.

***

In the middle of the night, MJ was having trouble sleeping because of her mom’s snores. So she thought of walking around outside for a bit until she feels tired again. When she got outside, she heard circus music; she thought it was her imagination, telling her that she needed to get some sleep. But as she turned around, she saw the same clown from the sewer, he even grabbed her by the neck. “Can’t sleep, sweet MJ? Maybe you’ll feel better if you have your niece’s boat back, right?” Pennywise asked. MJ couldn’t speak, she was so scared that she had no choice but to kick him in the groin. That made Pennywise groan in pain as he was putting pressure on his... balloons. “That’s what you get, pervert!” MJ yelled as she rushed back into her bedroom. Then she woke up her parents. “DAD, MOM, there’s a pervert clown outside!!” MJ screamed. Her dad got up quickly and grabbed something long and hard to defend himself and his family, while MJ’s mom called the police.

When her dad looked outside, no one was there. When the police came, they saw no trace of any clown around the area. So her dad Aaron spoke severely to his daughter. “Makayla, why the Hell were you outside? Don’t you know it’s dangerous for a women like you to wander about this late at night?” Aaron asked. “Mom was snoring so loudly that it’s driving me nuts... So I went out for a walk, and that’s when I spotted... IT...” MJ said in fear. “You’ve probably just imagined that so called pervert clown, goober-lips, now go back to sleep.” MJ’s mother said. MJ obeyed and decided to try to sleep it through, but it was pointless; not just because of her mom’s loud snores, but mainly the thought of that clown. She knew that she have to keep her nieces and nephews safe.

***

After days of being cautious, it was finally the day she’s been waiting for; for her and her family to take a train ride home. MJ immediately packed her things, she could not wait to get the hell away from Derry, and away from that mysterious clown. After her bags were packed, her dad told her that her brother took her nieces and nephews out for a walk; Over at Neibolt Street. MJ was exhausted from packing, but she didn’t want to argue with her dad either, so she decided to head to that direction.

When MJ noticed her brother, she was shocked to see that her nephews and nieces weren’t with him. “John, where’s Matthew, Arnold, Lily and Kate?” MJ asked. “Over at that old house, Kate was going after the balloon that floated in there and I didn’t want to go in there.” John explained. MJ face-palmed by her brother’s carelessness; but it wasn’t his fault, he too was diagnosed with autism, just like his little sister (MJ) only she is smarter and more independent. So she rushed over to where her brother pointed. The sign clearly says ‘Keep Out’. “Dang it, you little risk takers are in so much trouble...” MJ said while grumbling.

So MJ entered in while feeling nervous. “Matthew... Arnold... Lily...” MJ whispered loudly, but she heard nothing. Then she heard a noise, it was coming from the broken well. “Matthew?!” MJ called down. Then she heard a scream. “I’m coming!” MJ yelled down as she bravely climbed down the rope. “MJ!” One of the kids called out. MJ followed the noise and saw Arnold badly injured. “Arnold! What happened?” MJ asked while observing his wounds. “...Clown...” Arnold gasped. “Oh my God... Where are the others?” MJ asked in panic. Arnold pointed at the direction towards the tower of trash.

After getting Arnold out of harm’s way, she saw Matthew and Lily searching about. “Matthew, Lily!” MJ rushed over to them. “MJ!” They both said as they rushed over and hugged their aunt. “What’s the big idea, entering the old house and going down the well?” MJ asked disappointingly. “It wasn’t intentional; Kate was running over to the balloon that floated into the house, we tried to get her back, but then Arnold fell into the well, and we woke up here!” Matthew explained. MJ nearly fainted, after to what she just heard. “Well, where is Kate?” MJ asked. Matthew and Lily stared at each other before answering their aunt’s question. “The clown took her...” Lily said.

Before MJ could do or say anything, she heard music. “Oh no... He’s back...” Lily said. “Stay close... he’ll have to go through me to get to you.” MJ said bravely. Then everything got quiet, until she felt a hand on her shoulder, and it wasn’t Matthew or Lily, it was Pennywise. “Hello again, MJ...” Pennywise chuckled. MJ quickly turned and defended herself. “Where are my nieces and nephews? WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?” MJ asked in anger. Pennywise pointed up where she sees Matthew and Lily floating in the air. “What did you DO? And where’s my little four-year-old niece?” MJ cried. “I made them look into my deadlights; Now they are floating with the other floating children that I have lured... As for that toddler of yours... She is... No more...” Pennywise said as he licked his upper lip. MJ teared up with grief, she lost her youngest niece, and now her niece and nephews went through their fates. “However... I can spare these two... And your family... But... You must make an exchange.” Pennywise said. “What do you want? I’ll give you anything.” MJ teared up again. “I was hoping you would say that; because... I was hoping that you could be... my first mate...” Pennywise said. MJ shook her head quickly. “Then say goodbye to your nieces and nephews then... Including your soul--” “WAIT... I’LL BE YOUR MATE, JUST SPARE MY FAMILY...” MJ begged. “That’s better... I’ll just bring those kids down, and take them back to their grandparent’s place... You just stay comfortable.” Pennywise said.

MJ was on the ground bawling her eyes out. While Pennywise took Lily and Matthew outside, away from the Neibolt House. Pennywise may have gain their consciousness, but they also lost their memory from before, including their aunt’s sacrifice.

***

Pennywise went back to his trash mountain and found MJ sobbing on the ground. He had no mercy for her, so he doesn’t care that she’s crying. “You don’t have to stay down there; you can just stay up at the Neibolt House...” Pennywise said as he extended his arm to reach for her hand. MJ didn’t want to touch him or be touched, she got up herself and followed the sewer clown. “Just to inform you, MJ, I’m no pervert, I have no intimacies for human-beings... Even if someone like you is attractive...” Pennywise winked back at her. MJ was both relieved and nervous. At least she won’t be attacked by him, like any captor would with most women, so that’s a good sign.

As they got out of the well, with Pennywise’s help, he showed her to a room, where all there is was a mattress. MJ almost gaged, she didn’t want to lie on that bed, since it could be covered in germs, bugs and who knows what else. “It’s not exactly home, but what do I care? you humans know what to do to survive. I have to go on a hunt for dinner; I’ll be back with some things for you.” Pennywise said before he disappeared. MJ slowly approached the window with distress; she wanted to escape while Pennywise was gone, but she knew that if she tries to leave, he’ll either go after her or after her family. She’ll have to get used to being that clown’s prisoner. But all she can do right now is pray while sobbing her eyes out. “Please Lord... Save me from what I’ve endured for my love ones...”

Part 3 coming soon

#IT #IT Chapter 2 #Pennywise #Pennywise the Dancing Clown #Fandom #Fan Fiction #MJ

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hale-13 · 3 years ago

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Triple Axel

By Hale13

For the Summer of Whump Day 1 - Freezing

There’s nothing Peter loves more about winter than spending the entire season ice skating. The fact that Mr. Stark‘s lake freezes over so well just gives him the perfect excuse to hang out with his mentor, pseudo-sister and still get to skate for free.

Words: 2738, Chapters 1/1 (Complete), Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)

Rating: Gen

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Morgan Stark, Sam Wilson, Bruce Banner

Read on AO3 or below the line break.

Peter grew up a pretty graceless kid.

He never looked where he was going, always too excited, and tripped over air. His knees and palms were perpetually covered in cuts and scrapes in various stages of healing and he broke his glasses so often May and Ben had taken to just taping them together at the bridge of the nose instead of replacing them. Going to the community playground was an activity that was fraught with danger due to Peter’s over enthusiasm; well that and his two left feet and lack of hand-eye coordination. It was lucky that he picked up the, much safer, past time of building legos and other models with Ned at a young age.

Peter looked back on those sepia childhood memories with nostalgia and fondness now but he can remember the frustration of just wanting to do what the other kids did. He hated that he stood out because of his ridiculous coke-bottle glasses, the severe asthma attacks that kept him from participating in gym and recess. He just wanted to have fun.

And, unbelievable to anyone who knew him, the one thing that Peter Parker was inexplicably good at as a kid was ice skating.

The first time Peter was allowed to skate was when he was eight at Betty Brant’s birthday – coincidentally the first party he was invited to. May and Ben had both be overly hesitant – accident prone kids didn’t often mix well with anything slippery and sharp pointy objects – but Peter was able to wear them down eventually.

The prediction that Peter would fall flat on his face the second his skates touched the ice proved to be accurate but Peter was nothing if not stubborn so he pulled himself up and used the wall to make a shaky first lap. The longer he spent moving, the better he got and, by the end of the two hour party, he was able to make a complete circuit all by himself. His love for skating and finally, finally, being able to do something active grew from there. May and Ben were never able to afford lessons for him but they managed to scrap together enough money for season passes for him every year at the local rink.

Skating reminded him so much of the toddler ballet classes his mom had signed him up for before he had been diagnosed with asthma but so much more fun. He spent just about every weekend he could on the ice for a few hours practicing; he was never really able to do any jumps or anything too fancy but it was still so much fun. It wasn’t until after the spider bite and his life changing forever that he got really good.

It sure sucked that he couldn’t thermoregulate well anymore.

“Petey!” Morgan screamed, delighted, from where she was carefully skating closer to the edge of the frozen over lake under the watchful eye of her father. “Do another flip!”

Peter smiled indulgently and performed a perfect double axel, landing gracefully and gliding over to where Morgan was clapping next to dock. She had good balance for a five year old but the thin blades of her tiny skates still wobbled precariously on the ice due to her enthusiastic cheering.

“Not bad kid,” Tony told him from where he was seated in a camp chair on the dock and covered with blankets, a thermos of warm tea in the cup holder. He had flat out refused to test his luck with skating but, then again, his center of gravity was still off from his upgraded prosthesis.

“Thanks Mr. Stark!” Peter smiled, coming to a stop next to the other two and spraying his mentor with ice. Tony protested wordlessly but his smile let Peter know he wasn’t too serious. Peter absently rubbed his hands against his biceps to bring some warmth back into his skin – part of not thermoregulating well meant minimal to no shivering in the cold so he had to rely on friction – he was clearly not sneaky enough though because he could see the moment Tony clocked the movement and narrowed his eyes.

“Alright Johnny Weir time to go in before you freeze into a spider-sicle,” the man said as he drained the last of his tea and started packing up all of the stuff they had carted down to the frozen lake �� more than they really needed in Peter’s opinion. “I promised your aunt I wouldn’t let you get hypothermia this week.”

“Aw daddy,” Morgan whined, skating unsteadily over to collide with Peter’s knees and shins and nearly knocking him off balance and onto his butt. “Five more minutes? Please?”

Morgan was attempting her very best puppy dog expression and Peter joined in when she shoved her pointy little elbow into his thigh. Tony had gotten soft in his old age and Peter could see his resolve crumbling under their combined gaze before he finally cracked with a sigh.

“Fine,” he conceded. “Five more minutes. I’m going to go brew up some hot chocolate. Can I trust you two by yourselves?”

“Yay!” Morgan screamed making Peter clutch his ears as she shakily skated off, getting just a little bolder and heading more toward the middle of the ice where Peter had been doing jumps and flips earlier. “Come on Petey!”

“I’ve got her Mr. Stark,” Peter promised before taking off after the little girl he was beginning to see as a sister, doing a perfect back flip and landing easily on the thin blades of his skates to her delight. At Morgan’s request, Peter continued to skate around her in wide circles, doing more and more elaborate jumps and laughing with her when he fell or stumbled.

“Do the hard one again!” Morgan called out from her spot about fifteen feet away from Peter, standing pretty steady for her lack of practice and Peter smiled indulgently.

“Last time and then we should probably head in before your dad comes after us,” he agreed, skating back into a wide arc before picking up speed and calculating his jump. He planned to land a few feet from Morgan because he knew it would really excite her. Things went pretty great in the beginning, his speed and takeoff were both perfect and his execution, while a little off, was passable enough for his sister.

His landing, however, needed work.

Unlike the ice rink ice he was used to, the frozen lake was pitted and rough. Peter had a little difficultly adjusting when he started but was able to compensate quickly as the afternoon wore on. Unfortunately, he was just a little too late this time to notice the divot and he hit it with his toe pick sending him sprawling onto his front about six feet from Morgan.

“Ouchies,” he muttered as he gave Morgan a thumbs up to show he was okay and started to leaver himself up.

Until he heard the cracking.

He froze immediately and looked down in horror to see the ice below him cracking and shattering. A small part of him wanted to slam his body down flat to better distribute his weight but his logical brain knew it was far too late for that all he needed to do was make sure that…

Morgan!

“I’ll help you Petey!” He heard her yell seconds before she crashed into his side and Peter, thinking fast, double clicked the panic button on his watch just as water started gushing through the cracks, pulling him under.

Morgan screamed and struggled as Peter did his best to keep as much of her as possible out of the water. His head was dunked briefly and his lungs seized from the cold. He felt the sharp blade of Morgan’s skate cut into his shoulder through his puffy jacket and he winced before clawing his way back above water with a gasp. He could hear Morgan still screaming and, gathering all the strength he had left, Peter hurled her from the water and across the ice where she slid safely away from the cracks.

“G-get dad-d,” Peter gritted out through shattering teeth as he gripped the broken edges of the ice. He could vaguely hear Morgan shuffling off the ice and up toward the cabin but his main focus was staying above the water and keeping purchase on the continually shrinking edges of the ice. His legs were completely numb and the metal of his battered skates felt heavy in the water, pulling him down deeper.

“Hang on Peter!” He heard Tony’s panicked voice from the shore before the sound of repulsers drowned out everything else and Peter looked up and made eye contact with the Iron Man suit piloted by FRIDAY. The left hand reached down and plucked him out of the water and into its arms, flying back to land on the porch steps. Peter collapsed on the ground, completely unable to hold up his own weight and feeling completely numb. “Peter!”

Tony skidded to his knees next to Peter, Morgan in his arms before he swiftly set her down on the porch. “C-cold,” Peter gritted out through clenched and chattering teeth as he tried to force his frozen body to curl up with little success. Through blurry eyes he could tell that Morgan had ditched her skates somewhere and he felt a spike of worry – he didn’t want her to get frostbite.

“I know buddy,” Tony said, propping Peter up with his vibranium arm before picking him up in a bridal carry. “I’m going to get you warm.” Peter didn’t do anything to help beyond curling closer to Tony’s chest and the body heat it emitted. The man kicked open the cracked door to the mud room and air so warm it burned cascaded over him. “Morgan go grab some blankets from the closet for Peter okay? Really quick now.” Morgan, crying silent tears and pale and shivering in her damp winter gear, ran off down the hall toward the linen closet.

“Tony,” Peter whimpered when he was set on the floor but the man was quick to shush him.

“I know buddy,” he reassured, “I just need to get these wet clothes off okay? Just let me do all the work. FRI, have Banner and a quinjet here ASAP.” Peter spaced out as Tony whipped Peter’s frozen, wet hoodie over his head followed quickly by the t-shirt and thermals under it. “Eyes up Pete,” Tony ordered as he worked on getting Peter out of his soaked jeans and thermal pants to leave him shaking on the floor in his boxers. “Your only job right now is to stay awake, capiche?\

“Yes sir,” Peter said, willing his eyes to open and his teeth to stop chattering. Morgan slid back into the room trailing a pile of fleece blankets and the comforter off of Peter’s bed and Peter mustered up a smile for her so she wouldn’t be so scared.

“Great job Maguna,” Tony praised as he wrapped the thickest fleece around Peter’s shoulders, doing his best not to jostle him too much. “Now run up to Pete’s room and get him a pair of sweatpants and his black zip up jacket okay?” Morgan hiccuped on a sob but ran out of the room and back up the stairs. Once she was out of the room, Tony wrapped Peter in another blanket before helping him wiggle out of his icy boxers. “FRI update on Bruce?”

“Dr. Banner and Mr. Wilson are on their way, ETA seven minutes. He advises getting Peter out of his wet clothes and wrapped in warm blankets. He recommends not moving him too much.

“Thanks dear,” Mr. Starks said distractedly as he pulled Peter into his arms to provide extra warmth. “How we doing Pete?”

“Tired,” Peter answered, burrowing into Tony’s arms. “Cold.”

“I know kiddo, just hold on a second longer.”

“I got it!” Morgan said as she came back into the room brandishing Peter’s clothes.

“Good job honey,” Tony said as gently as possible as he took the clothes. “Uncle Bruce is on his way and we’re going to go visit the compound. Can you go change into your warmest PJs for me as quick as possible?” As soon as Morgan had left the room again, Tony made quick work of threading Peter’s unwilling and stiff limbs through his pants and jacket, tucking the comforter around them both to lock in the warmth.

“Tony?” Bruce called, voice urgent, from the direction of the front door.

“Mud room!” Tony called back, not moving from his position curled around Peter’s limp body. Footsteps thundered in their direction and Bruce and Sam skidded around the corner a second later both wearing their warmest loungewear and Peter felt a little guilty about pulling them away from a day of relaxation.

“Jesus,” Sam mumbled as he dropped to his knees next to the pair reaching into the blanket nest to press burning fingers to Peter’s carotid to take his pulse.

“How long was he in the water?” Bruce asked, carefully moving Peter’s hair back out of his eyes to look at his pale face. His eyes darted over to the gash on his shoulder from Morgan’s skates that was beginning to bleed sluggishly now that Peter was out of the water and warming up but ignored it for now.

“Only a couple minutes,” Tony told him, an edge to his voice, “but he had been outside for a few hours. We were about to come in for hot chocolate.” The man sounded bereft and Peter cuddled closer into his chest trying to offer some comfort.

“Okay,” Bruce said, calm. “Peter you’re going to let Tony carry you out to the jet. I don’t want you moving more than you absolutely have to so just let him do all the work. Once we get you on board I’m going to start warming you up.” His tone brokered no argument and Tony disentangled himself from the cocoon and picked Peter up. Sam left the room but Peter could hear him talking to Morgan in the kitchen, calming her down and ushering her toward the jet.

Things went a little fuzzy for Peter from there. He was vaguely aware of the quinjet taking off and Bruce and Sam starting warm IV fluid. Warmed oxygen forcing its way down his throat. But he was just so tired. He knows he promised but surely Mr. Stark wouldn’t be too upset if he just took a little nap right? He let his eyes dip closed one last time as he slipped away.

Peter can remember waking up on and off a few times. He remembers getting off the quinjet and being settled in a trauma room in the compound’s MedBay, the heated blankets that felt heavenly to his cold skin. He was out for a while after that he thinks and, when he next wakes up, he’s warmer and much more comfortable.

“Pete?” Peter lets his head fall to the side and he gives Tony a little grin. His mentor looks like shit and is sitting hunched over in an uncomfortable chair next to Peter’s bed. “Oh thank God,” he says, going to grab Peter’s hand and then aborting the motion, leaning forward to press their foreheads together instead. “If you ever scare me like that again you’re grounded until your thirty.”

Peter chuckles a little and shifts on the bed. His arms both have IV catheters in the forearm and he can see blood flowing through the lines. He follows it back to a larger machine set up next to his bed and mutters a hoarse little “what?” of confusion.

“You were too cold so Bruce started warming your blood,” Tony told him, hand reaching up to comb through Peter’s wild hair. “You’re okay now though,” he assured. “You’re on the mend. Bruce said you should be done with this in about an hour so you just need to relax right now okay Bambino?”

“Morgan?” Peter asked instead, dizzy and tired and barely clinging to consciousness.

Tony smiled down at him. “She’s just fine kiddo. You saved her you big damn hero.”

“Good,” Peter slurred, letting his eyes slip closed again. “May?”

“Happy went to get her,” Tony promised. “The roads aren’t too great but they should be here soon.”

“‘Kay,” Peter yawned.

“Take a nap buddy – you earned it,” and, warm and comfortable, Peter did.

#summer of whump 2021 #Prompt: Freezing #spider man #irondad #summerofwhump #summerofwhump1

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