#so guess what I HAVE TO PAY EXTRA IN TAXES TOO

[woundedheartwithin]

TSC is evil for obvious reasons, but also because my doe who has chronic mastitis needs her probiotic treats and fucking Atwoods doesn't carry them???

[shatterthefragments]

👀 or i could shower tomorrow morning

GOD I KNOW ITS BAD BUT JUST MY RESPONSE TO ANYTHING THAT ITS LIKE “oh you can’t do *insert thing (currently the action is: running)* in a mask” is YOU CAN IF YOU’RE NOT A PUSSY in my head which I’m. Trying to reword as “you can if you’re not a coward” and. Like. I have never said pussy aloud unless referring to pussy (a la Pussy Is God (King Princess)) and never in a derogatory way but also like. It just. It comes immediately into mind for that.

Anyway. Something something if the women’s hockey team can win in respirators you can deal with a little kn95 for like usually less than half an hour inside the grocery store.

[wittlesissyb4by]

Chapter 1

Oh fuck! Oh FUCK! FUCK!

I overslept.

I was supposed to be at work over an hour ago. If I hurried, I could take a shower, throw on some clothes that still needed ironing, and make it there by 11 if there isn’t much traffic. 

Or…I could just call in sick. 

Having the day to myself would be nice. I’ve taken a day off each of the last 3 weeks and I have to say, I’ve really been enjoying the extra day of relaxation. Not that my job is too taxing, I sit at a desk all day and move numbers from one column to the other, but on days I’m home I get to be free. I get to be me. 

My roommate Max is at work until 5. That’s at least 7 solid hours of play time. My mind races with all the possible things I could do. I’m already getting hard just thinking about it. I grab my phone and tune my voice as I dial, my other hand on my crotch, rubbing in excitement. 

“HR, this is Kelly.”

“Hey K-Kelly” I say in a terrible excuse for a raspy voice, coughing unconvincingly. “I think I'm getting pretty sick…”

“Again? This is like the third week in a row.” She says.

“Yea, I dunno, some kind of weird viral thing I guess.”

Even through the phone she sounded skeptical. “Hmm…okay well go ahead and take the day off, and bring in a doctor’s note on Monday.”

“A doctor’s note?”

“Yea. You’ve already used all your PTO days for the year, so you’ll need a note from your doctor to have it count as a sick day. Otherwise we’ll have to dock your pay.”

America.

“Okay, well *ehem* I’ll get the note and bring it on Monday.” I say, knowing damn well I'm too lazy to do any of those things. Maybe they’ll forget, or shrug it off, I dunno, that’s future-Jake’s problem. 

Today, I’m gonna pamper myself. Literally. 

But first I have to shave my legs. I dunno why. For whatever reason it puts me in that mood. Having fresh, smooth legs makes me feel both feminine and infantile. 

After I’ve removed any trace of body hair, it’s time to decide what to wear. I have a large divider in my closet that serves as a false wall. It effectively hides an entire section tucked back in the corner. That’s where I keep all my supplies.

I’ve accrued quite a lot over the years. Slowly adding to my wardrobe and repertoire of toys. I rake the hangars along the rod as I search for my outfit of the day, all of them in various shades of pink.

Frilly dress? Na. Too frumpy. Onesie? Too tame. I’m in a particularly slutty mood. I want something slutty.

I decide on my go-to: the sexy Schoolgirl outfit. 

Sure, it’s cliche. But there's a reason it’s so common. Nothing makes me feel more fuckable than that skimpy skirt and the crop top. It’ll even show off my new belly button piercing!

I take some time putting it all on, pretending I’m getting ready for a hot date or something, or maybe just a gangbang.

The skirt can’t even hang properly because of how hard my cock is poking out. I stroke it a few times, fighting the urge to do it more. I have to control myself, I don’t want this to end too early.

Luckily, I’ve learned a great way to fix that.

I take a few seconds to decide on a diaper. I end up going with the pink BunnyHopps, for multiple reasons, but the main one being that they’re super cute. 

I unfurl the diaper and lay it down on my bed, turning around to position myself over it. The crinkle as I lower myself onto it always gets me going. The shaky excitement from something so simple is something I will never understand about myself. But as I’m pulling the front of the diaper up to tape it shut, I realize I’ve forgotten something. Gotta get a plug. Oh! And powder…

After a bit of grunting and frustration, I work the plug into my ass. I love how full it makes me feel, having it inside and tickling my prostate gives me the heebie jeebies. I powder myself as best I can without getting it all over my skirt, then pull the front flap of the diaper over me and tape it snugly. 

Mmmm the way it feels when I sit up, feeling the padding as the plug presses into me is such a high.  

I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. Not bad, but it can be better.

I take my shaggyish hair and separate it into two tiny pigtails. I’m getting better at making them even, but I wish my hair was a bit longer. Two little bows attached to each do make it look super cute, though. 

I close the door to my room…just in case. I don’t want Max to come home early and find me prancing around like a pretty sissy. I turn back around and get to what I was doing…

Creeeeakkk

I panic. Jumping around, caught in the act, attempting to cover myself as the door swings open.

Nothing.

No one’s on the other side, the door just…swung open on its own accord, and damn near gave me a heart attack. I push the door shut again but it doesn’t click, just slowly creaks back open. It takes me two more attempts to get it to stick and stay shut. I gotta fix that sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Or next week…

I spend the next hour in my computer chair watching make-up tutorials as I learn to apply my own. Trying to contour without making myself look like bozo the clown is something I’m still struggling to learn. I’m pretty happy with what I accomplished though. I bat my mascara’d eyelashes at myself and give a dainty smile to the mirror. I feel so pretty, but I could definitely use some lip gloss!

When I’m satisfied that I look like a proper, fuckable sissy slut. I prance around the room. Well, as much as I can with a plug and pamper between my bum. I love my new stockings and Mary Jane slippers! They really complete the look. 

“Oh! Have I been a naughty girl today, Professor?” I say in as best of a sissy voice as I can muster. “Are you going to make me stay after class and be…punished?”

I giggle daintily at my little made up scenario. It’s silly and, admittedly, pathetic, but it’s the best I can muster under the circumstances. Judging by how hard I am in my pampers, it seems to be working just fine.

I go back to my secret stash and rustle around until I find the dildo I’m looking for. The big, fleshy 8-incher complete with balls and a suction cup, a favorite of mine lately. 

“Oh Professor!” I say, twirling around with the cock so that my skirt swishes and my diaper crinkles. “Whatever could I do to make it up to you??”

“Well I think you should start by…sucking up to me a bit…” I mimic in a deeper voice, trying not to cringe at the awful line.

I place the dick to my glossy lips, batting my eyes up at the ceiling and putting on an innocent facade, “Like this Professor??”

“Yes you little whore. Now let’s see what you got!”

I close my eyes and take the fleshy dildo in my mouth. I hear myself let out a little moan. God it feels so good having something in there. I have several pacifiers to appease my oral fixation, but there’s nothing like a nice big cock, even if it’s a fake one…

I get down onto my knees, putting the dildo on the edge of the bed, pretending I’m servicing a real man. I suck and slurp and try to do all the things the blowjob tutorial videos told me to. I can’t help but rub the front of my diaper with my other hand. My dick is practically screaming at me to cum. I bring myself right up to the edge and–

Thonk!

Oh fuck! Was that a car door? Is Max home?? Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit! What if he sees me like this?? 

I toss the dildo to the side and bustle over to the window as fast as my plug and padding will allow. I peek through the blinds and heave a huge sigh of relief.

It’s just the neighbor. They must have forgotten something at work I guess.

Phew…close one. 

My heart is still beating out of my chest, and my stomach is still in knots from the adrenaline. All of my horniness has evaporated.

Well, kind of. One quick look in the mirror gets me worked up again, but at least I'm not so close to cumming now!

Stopping to take the time to wet my diaper, I hold my skirt up as I watch myself make the padding swell and the tint of the diaper change to a darker shade.  I press the front inward, feeling the warmth against my skin. What kind of freak do I have to be to enjoy this shit?

I put that thought out of my mind. 

Searching the room for the discarded dildo, I find it in the corner of the room before sitting down at my desk and plopping the rubber dick down on the surface in front of me.

It doesn’t take me long to find some porn to watch. I’ve recently discovered “FPOV” blowjob videos where, instead of it being from the male perspective looking down at someone sucking his dick, you get the girl’s perspective. Which means I get to watch the dick enter in and out of ‘my’ mouth. A front row seat to a big, sloppy blowjob. 

I put my headphones on so I can get the real experience. Following the girl on screen as she moves back and forth over the big, black dick. 

“You’re such a good little cocksucker!” a woman’s voice says.

Oh! This one has a voiceover. Someone degrading me and instructing me while I suck a dick? Yes please.

“Take it in your mouth! Deeper…deeper…”

I rub the front of my diaper, feeling my absolutely throbbing cock even through the pissy padding. ‘MMmphhing’ all over the dick in my mouth, making sure to keep it nice and wet.

“This is your purpose…this is what you were made for…”

I suck and slurp, the diaper crinkles and shifts. This is so hot!

“Men are going to use you…fuck your little whore mouth for their pleasure…”

“You are meant to worship perfect, huge, juicy cock!” 

“Suck him sissy! Suck him faster!”

I moan with the rubber dick in my mouth as I follow the voice’s instructions. The woman on screen was ‘mmming’ and ‘mmmphing’, but I was doing it louder. She spat on the dick, so did I. She stroked it with her saliva. So did I. 

“Do you feel like a little slut for him?”

I do.

“His little mouth whore?”

Yessss.

“He’s going to use your lips like a fleshlight.”

Whatever you sayy.

“You want his cum so fucking bad don’t you??”

The girl on the screen was moaning desperately, hungrily. Oh wait…that’s me.

“He’s going to cum! He’s going to cum!”

Oh god…I’m gonna cum. I need to stop–oh! Oh no…

I curse myself as I feel my body start to spasm. A new warmth fills the inside of my diaper. I can feel all my horniness leaving with it.

No! Not yet!! I whine at no one in particular. I had a whole day planned…and now it’s ruined. 

I hate how easily it tends to happen. I can’t get far into my regime at all without immediately blowing it….literally.

I feel like crying, but I don’t want my mascara to run. The plug immediately loses all of its appeal. I huff and puff as I rip the tapes of the diaper off, seeing my immense and gooey load making strings when the front flap flops open. I sit up a bit and yank the plug out a little harder than I intended, tossing it across the room.  

Plopping myself back down, the diaper feels cool and clammy now. Still, I reason, there’s no sense in wasting it, diapers are expensive, and the good thing about these BunnyHopps is they have the hook and loop tapes, which means I can put it right back on…even if it’s not nearly as fun now.

I check through the window again to make sure Max’s car isn’t out front before I head into the kitchen to make something to eat. I bring it back to my room, closing the door, and then closing it again after it doesn’t stay shut. 

Firing up my rig, I pull up League of Legends and start playing a few matches. I feel like one of those E-girls, dressing kind of skimpy and playing video games for boys’ attention. I don’t even have to get up to pee between matches, just get to release it all into my diaper. This is the life.

At around 2 o’clock, I feel the urge to use the bathroom in a different way. I sigh, knowing it’s the end of my diaper time. I head to the restroom to do my business, but stop before I get to the door. 

Actually, why don’t I just do it right here? Right now? After all, I am in a diaper. I don’t usually mess because Max is always here, but I have the house all to myself, and this diaper is on its last leg anyway. Why not? I’m allowed to treat myself, even if it's probably the weirdest way one would do so. 

I’ve always found it a bit awkward to poop in a diaper. How does one do it? Do you stand? Surely not. Do you sit? That seems messy, but I guess that’s kinda the point…I decide to squat down and handle it that way. 

It doesn’t happen immediately. I sit there awkwardly thinking about what someone would say if they saw me in this position.

“D’awwww!! Is the wittle baby making a pushy poo?? Hmm? Are joo making a big ‘ole mess for Mommy?”

The thought of that gives me a stirring in a different part of my diaper. I imagine myself surrounded by a group of beautiful women, forced to dirty my diaper in front of them while they all point and laugh.

“Stinky poo! Stinky poo! Now you’re going doo doo!!”

“Suck your thumb, loser!!”

I put my thumb in my mouth. I suck it while I grunt and push.

“A grown man dumping in a DIAPER!”

“Man? Looks like a sissy slut to me!”

I can actually see myself blushing in the mirror while the diaper sags under the weight of my warm mush that’s filling it.

“He did it! He did it!” the imaginary girls clap.

I can see my penis poking through the pampers. 

“And he LIKED it!”

“Show us how much you like it, loser!”

“Sit in your stinky seat!!”

I sit back on my butt and feel the mush spread inside. It’s sickening and feels yucky, but the girls love it.

“Bouncy bouncy baby!!”

I bounce on the floor, squishing the mess even more, sucking my thumb and making pathetic little noises as I slip into little space.

“Goo goo ga ga sissy girl!!”

I’m drooling on my thumb while the other is rubbing the front of my mushy diaper. I’m glad Max isn’t home to hear the ridiculous sounds I'm making. 

“I think he wants to MAKE a goo goo in his diapy!” The girls all laugh. Emma Watson, Kate Beckinsale, Natalie Portman, they’re all here. “On the floor! It’s time for dumpy humpies!!”

Someone also tells me to get my ‘big boi binky’. I grab the dildo off my desk and put it on the floor in front of me.

“Sucky sucky while you fucky fucky!!” 

I’m a mess in every sense of the word. Drooling all over the dick, wiggling back and forth in my defiled diaper, grinding against the ground, skirt, hair, make-up all disheveled.

The girls are clapping their hands and chanting. Goo GOO! Goo GOO! Goo GOO!

It feels so good, being a dirty little diaper bitch…I’m gonna…I’m gonna…

Beep!

Panic. Was that a car horn? No, a truck horn. Max’s truck. The sound it makes when it’s locking. He’s here.

I rush to the window, my destroyed diaper plopping side to side with every step. I peek through the blinds again, scanning the yard.

Nothing. No one in the driveway, no sign of Max.

Another sigh of relief. It’s hard to enjoy myself when I’m constantly on edge that I'll be caught. Sure, I’m in my room, but the stench alone could probably alert the neighbors. I check to see if I even came. 

Oh…yea..definitely did. But I don’t remember the orgasm. Shame. I’m overcome with shame and disgust again, and now I’m walking around in my own filth.

I carefully remove the diaper, trying to make sure the defecation doesn’t get on my skirt. In hindsight, I should have removed the skirt before opening the diaper, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. Now I've got a literal mess on my hands. I use one of my palms to cradle the diaper while using my other hand to keep my skirt from sticking to the filth on my backside. I carefully place the diaper down so I can use both of my hands to unzip my skirt safely and take it ,and my crop top, off, tossing them both out of harm’s way.

Now I have other shit to deal with. I carefully roll up the diaper and tape the biohazard up into a ball. The thing is massive and plump, but still has its pinkish hue. I want to take it out to the dumpster, but being naked with a muddy butt isn’t exactly the right attire to do so.

This is why I don’t make messy diapers. I’m so bad at dealing with the cleanup.

I decide to set it all down and go take a shower. I make sure to close my door behind me, and step across the hall into the bathroom. The warm water feels good on my clammy skin. I use the sprayer to hose the filth off my bum, finally feeling clean again. I put the nozzle back in its holster above, but it falls with a loud clunk. But even after I caught it, the sound persisted.

Someone was at the front door. 

Not knocking. They just…walked in. I could tell by the clatter the screendoor makes when it shuts too hard, another thing I was supposed to fix…

Is that Max? Or is someone breaking in? Max shouldn’t be off of work yet, it’s only 3, and he always works until at least 5. 

I listen to the footfalls, turning the water off so I can get a better listen. The steps are hard, like those of work boots. Max’s boots. They stomp down the hallway past the bathroom I’m in, past my door, and then to his.

I shut my door, right?

Yes. I did. I made sure of it.

But what if he smells my disgusting diaper?

In a bit of a panic, I hop out of the shower, grab a towel, and make my way out into the hall.

“Hey,” I say, unable to keep the panic from my voice.

Max turns, a weird look on his face, “Hey.” he replies.

“You’re home early.” I say, sounding like an unfaithful housewife.

He scratches his beard and sighs, “Yea, the guys got what they needed done and we should be good to pass inspection tomorrow so I sent ‘em home.”

“Oh, okay, cool.” It was awkward. We’ve lived together for almost two years now and it’s never been this awkward. Probably because I’m making it awkward.

“Well, I’m gonna go take a nap.” He rubbed his eyes, maybe a little too much. 

“Alright then, see ya later.”

“Later.”

He went into his room and closed the door behind him. I hurried to mine, reaching for the handle. 

But it wasn’t there. The door was open. Wide open. And all my stuff was splayed across it in full, easy view. The skimpy skirt, the crop top with the word ‘SISSY’ plastered across it, a realistic dildo with my drool still dripping down it and, right in the center of the floor, my big giant disgusting diaper.

…Is there any chance he didn’t see all of that?

To Be Continued

~~Click HERE for Chapter 2~~

[theoddest1]

Hey, what did the guy mean by they outsourced hh for tax sods

From my understanding, this was done to keep things cheaper than it would have been if it wasn't outsourced (therefore, making the pay by extension worse, so not worth working on if trying to get a decent, livable wage). Seeing how much work is needed to be done for HH's signature style, outsourcing it from an outside supplier or one straight up out of country was the cheaper option. At least, that's my guess. Though, it makes me wonder how many corners were cut to make costs cheaper than previously estimated. There have been rumors of Viv evading taxes and doing overall shady stuff to keep as much money on her and her company as possible (Also, Amazon being Amazon and trying it's best to make HH worth the investment). Hell, when you look up SH, it doesn't actually lead to a studio or anything similar. Heard it lead to her house of something. I also heard that SH was registered as a gaming company too which is extra sus. If anyone is willing to look into that out of curiosity, let me know what you find. This whole thing is rather interesting.

[m1d-45]

i am. thinking about reverse isekai some more to get me through these trying times (finals season) and imagine the stress of having to take care of the poor acolyte(s) who ended up in your world (i'm going with adult reader who has their own apartment and job and pays taxes n shit. just bc i don't want to write abt explaining to parents/roommates what tf is going on)...... like ofc it's super cool like omg your favorite characters!!! irl!!! but after the initial surprise wears off?

obviously you can't just leave them out on the streets bc they'll like. i don't know. get fuckin hit by a car or something so you let them stay in your apartment!! your tiny. one bedroom. apartment. it's fine, you can stay on the couch! you barely have enough food to feed yourself, thanks to your minimum-wage budget? that's fine! you don't have to eat that much, and you can't just let your guests go hungry!!

they try to help the best they can, they really do... but all the finished chores and time spent learning how to use the technology of your world don't change the fact that they can't help with the one thing that seems to matter most in this world - money. with extra people to provide for, you're forced to take up extra shifts, work longer hours, just to earn enough to be able to not have to choose between eating and paying rent.

of course, you don't let them know about all this, but your guests don't tell you that they can hear the way you cry late at night when you think everyone's asleep, stressed out by everything that's suddenly been thrust upon you - teddy anon

god man you 🤝 me

that’s so. ugh man-

at first you’re so starstruck and in awe, excitedly talking to them and showing them what every appliance does—partly so they don’t break them, partly because you like the shine in their eyes as they learn.

the first week is easy, and it’s when you’re shopping that the reality of the situation starts to set in.

you’re not used to having to buy for two, and the subject of their clothing comes up quickly as well. not to mention the fact that they’re probably used to more organic or locally grown stuff, and what if they react badly to food here? and that’s putting aside what they like and prefer too, but you can’t let them leave the house since they’re still not used to everything-

and your job, gosh, you’d taken a few days off at first to help then adjust but now you were feeling the sting of that lost pay. not to mention the fact that all your expenses and bills would go up since, yknow, they needed to use lights and water and all that while you were out of the house.

and if more than one were isekai’d? godspeed, man…

thoma and noelle make themselves useful doing chores, but quickly realizing that there’s little to do. they quickly become antsy; though they try and make food for you to return to, they struggle with your appliances and your tastes, not to mention your lack of raw ingredients.

some like diluc, childe, or ayato try and offer you mora, pulling bags of it from their inventories to of course compensate you for your stay, but it doesn’t go over well. you have to deny them and explain that mora isn’t used here, but all that gets you is stunned confusion—and dawning horror, later, but that’s a burnt bridge when you get to it.

others such as venti or xinyan try and perform on the streets, but it doesn’t pay as well as they want it to. ningguang is a bit more confident in herself, but that crumbles the moment she realizes that she both holds no power here nor has any knowledge of the market. she knows she can do something, be useful, but she doesn’t quite know how, and that’s the worst.

a few tend a bit towards the ‘street performer’ type, whether intentionally or accidentally. i can see kazuha subtly using the wind to guess a number someone’s thinking of, and kaeya could easily keep someone talking long enough to perform some quick sleight of hand. no, he doesn’t steal—you’d get far too mad at him for that—but his ornate get-up and smooth voice draw people in often enough that he makes quite a bit in tips.

keqing, ganyu, and ayaka all offer to either get jobs themselves, but since they technically don’t legally exist, they try and help you apply to better ones instead. thoma might try and do housework for your neighbors—it serves a few purposes, including getting a bit of cash, keeping off legal books, and increasing your relationship with them. jean and ganyu try and help manage your finances, or at least learn how to file your taxes to chip away at the stress they’ve caused.

a few straight up offer to steal—yes, offer, they wouldn’t even breathe without your permission of course they’ll come to you before doing crime—such as dainslef, childe, or kujou sara, but you shut that down quickly enough. xingqiu spends a lot of his time on online writing contests, and the occasional 50-300$ comes in your mailbox, but don’t count on it. albedo might try and sell his art, but he’d much rather give it to you, to be honest. your smile is worth more to him than some stranger’s approval.

some are completely lost. itto, gorou, hu tao, sucrose, collei… they’re all at a loss for what they can do to help. they don’t know your world, they don’t know what’s happening, they don’t know why you lie about it being a guest room so they feel less bad about taking your bed. it doesn’t work.

none of them do, really. after a good few months, maybe a year or so, all of them fall to this level of helplessness. they don’t know how to get you back to their world, they don’t even know how to leave themselves, but it’s clear that their presence here is wearing on you. they try, they do, but even the most chipper of your followers can see how dreary you seem.

it feels wrong to lie in your bed. it feels wrong to depend on you, when it should be the other way around. it’s wrong to take your resources and your time, wrong for you to be the one in distress, and they can’t even do anything about it. they’re stuck within these four walls, unable to help you, stuck being helpless.

from down the hall, they hear you sigh, poring over yet another impossible choice, and the sound alone brings them to tears.

they needed to get you home. but how?

[supercantaloupe]

rambling from work (youth orchestra) tonight. ignore me

new part time assistant conductor/manager/violin coach at youth orchestra and it's my beloved violin friend from brahms violin concerto !! i was so delighted to see her i immediately threw my hands open for a hug when she walked into the rehearsal room to help set up before rehearsal tonight. it's good to have another pair of hands helping out since our other asst conductor, while he's wonderful at what he does, can't make every rehearsal all the time due to family commitments. on that note i told maestro that i have to take a required class next semester on wednesday afternoons that will prevent me from being able to get to youth orchestra rehearsals in time to set up before rehearsal starts...but we move. it's an unavoidable conflict (required course for my degree and the last one i need before i can be officially done) so the others will just have to pitch in more to help set up in my absence. i also mentioned that i may have to take a class on tuesday evenings which would overlap and conflict with orchestra rehearsals, but it turns out that won't even be an issue because la boheme in the spring is gonna be a reduced orchestration with only one oboe part so i wasn't even gonna be on the hook anyway. so continuing my current arrangement of attending one rehearsal a week (thurs only instead of thurs and tues outside of concert weeks) will work just fine next spring. while i'm slightly disappointed i won't get to play another opera it will undeniably be a weight off my shoulders in terms of scheduling stress, also now i get to actually watch it which will be fun. anyway maestro also introduced the new assistant/violin teacher to our org managing director by calling her a wonderful player and concertmistress (correct) she was like "you're being too nice" and maestro was like "i'm not being nice it's just true" LOL. i get it girl he talks about me the same way. actually when we were leaving the building tonight i ended up chatting with maestro in the parking lot a little about work and money. as great as the vienna trip looks on paper i'm kind of doubtful it will end up happening bc apparently the sign up numbers are kind of low and we can't run the trip if we don't get a big enough crowd. and i understand why, the price for the trip is...a lot. i don't remember exactly what the cost of the italy trip i went on in my youth orchestra days was but i would hazard to say this vienna trip is twice the price...yikes. maestro was telling me how even with all his different jobs he feels like everything has gotten so expensive what with inflation and taxes and everything that it's getting tough to keep up financially with everything. i don't even have a mortgage or kids but man i feel him. i said i'm just glad to have my fellowship, i'm getting two master's degrees for basically free (plus a modest living stipend which really doesn't cover living in this stupid city very well lol but i'm hustling). this youth orchestra managing gig, i'm grateful to have it, and the extra cash on the side is certainly appreciated, but i am not doing it for the money. apparently neither is maestro because he told me it's probably his worst paying gig despite it being the biggest and most well funded organization and performance venue...lol. but then he got to suggesting different people he knows (most of whom i also know albeit kind of poorly and tangentially) i should talk to re: work and also suggesting different positions i should look into once i'm done my degrees like librarian for [redacted local orchestra]. because what this current gig lacks in terms of payment, it is a huge boon to me in terms of experience and resume power...i mean i'm scarcely 24 and i have a managing job under my belt already. that's going to be huge for me once i start looking for full time work after grad school...hopefully. we'll see i guess. anyway maestro told me that i'm "amazing as always" and then went to his car to go home

[unproduciblesmackdown]

on that note had also been thinking about the hilarious classic maneuver of taking things i go "smh always doing that weird/wrong" & instead putting it in the context of like oh i dunno my life experiences. like going "smh once again in one millisecond i noticed something was about to fall & just sort of Tensed instead of instantly going to catch it & in the next milliseconds hash out like 'oh but could i catch it. oh but now it's in progress am i too late' etc" but like well hang on. first of all the Tense Up / Brace For Impact approach can have its strengths too. second of all like why just kick myself when Of Course the vastly more frequent & relevant experiences of having to stifle reactions & tense up to Brace For Impact / Weather The Situation means that's the standard approach. sure tends to be the case that like "okay test your reflex time :)" type things when i Know It's Coming, i.e. preemptively Tense Up, i turn out quite slow. throwback to a true classic [my roommate that said my cat was performative while their cat did things out of true emotion] at my doctor's appointment at like age thirteen when the ol Knee Bonk Reflex Test would make me Tense/Seize That Knee Up and Then kick. and then afterwards my "big fan of unprompted criticisms / declarations about your internal experiences or true intentions" mom was like you were faking those reflexes. i'm like well i wasn't. she was like yes you were. consider the camera jimmed

secondly i was also thinking like, always been the case that when Talking, often even if in writing format, i can't really avoid mirroring the characteristics of the other person's Style / Patterns lol. was thinking about it in my Relative ease of adopting pronunciations for different language's phonemes when it's like, i guess i do have experience in Doing Voices not b/c i really often Did Voices (sometimes lol, as like, direct quotes or whatever. echoing....) but b/c like i'll just be picking up all kinds of mannerisms / tendencies / ways of speaking, including accents slightly (my default accent being disney channel) not b/c i'm messing with anyone or trying to do anything, in fact trying Not to do this is generally unsuccessfully & This Is What Happens Naturally & always has & it's like yknow what i think it might have to do with the fact that i don't think Talking in general is oh so "natural" for me / a matter of "just being myself" (things virtually never are lol) like. i think that time i had that friend in second grade where i'm like ummm i'm not sure we spoke the same language b/c i'm not sure we spoke hardly ever? but we had fun & played & amused ourselves etc til the teacher as usual went Biggest Time Sicko Mode on our "not paying attention" like nobody else's got & then didn't give a fuck abt "intervening" again when we didn't feel like we were Allowed(tm) to interact at all. & like i'm pretty sure i'd be "supposed" to feel like omg we don't talk (almost) at all?? that's SO weirrrd i remember that soooo welllll

and when i Do talk most "naturally" / "just being myself" it's all at once, wordy, and Theatrical, and even then. i did it some the other day and was Sweating, literally, less so figuratively but it does still feel demanding, and of course even when it doesn't Feel thusly, doing a Lot a lot of verbalizing can really still be draining to Taxing. and i've noticed better like yeah sometimes i'm markedly struggling to speak when i'm already extra wearied. and another thing i put into context better was like "when i'm being put tf through it why do i tend to cry through interactions. b/c i'm being a PUSSY????" like lol just on principle was like okay well who cares, i'm sure you, by which i mean i, have my reasons b/c so too would i think someone else does, like. and i remember like, i tend to Not "directly" cry of stress or sadness virtually ever. while i Do tend to be simply keeping that shit contained but Exactly When i have to try to speak? is when i happen to start crying. hmm. Hmmmm. talking Always this performance that i may often not be up for. similar to [personal visual style / Look / clothes] like my default is "basic outfit i'd want to wear every day" & my ideal is "i do not want to be perceived" & (this &) everything else is performance / drag to me, Would That that always be on my terms

another banger is my till oh so recently kicking myself like "aah [pathologization time] i'm sooo slow to be at ease / comfortable around people even when they're surely being nice, what a hassle for others" like well it can be viewed as a hassle for me but it's also like, wait, i end up having stayed uncomfortable around people who weren't being That nice by putting in That much [any effort from any Consideration] and often turn out like. ultimately not that Safe. and i look at "oh right yeah and also i sure Can be like instantly quite comfortable / at ease around people, including people i literally just met. so" &/or my not being at ease either is still way less of a deal than having to literally/figuratively sweat it while i'd feel so much more Okay avoiding detection much less interaction

[river-taxbird]

Soon I'm going to be starting a master's degree in international accounting with data analytics, so to celebrate, I figured I'd pass on a little of what I know:

Artists: How to Cost your Commissions.

If you are an artist and you aren't sure what you should charge, or if you're not an artist but wonder why they might cost more than you'd expect, read on. This is just one way to do costing, but if you've not thought about it much, this post is for you.

I'm not a hustle bro, I'm just your friendly neighbourhood anarchist who picked a slightly incongruent degree and wants people to be fairly compensated for their labour.

First you need to determine your financial goal. This is where you want to be, and it's probably more than you think. This is assuming you either want to go full time with your art, or want to use it to supplement your income. If you are just doing it casually on the side you probably shouldn't think about it this hard and just skip to the part about the hourly rate.

So how much money do you need? Start by adding up all your expenses. All of them. Rent, food, entertainment, whatever. Include some extra for your savings. Don't forget tax too.

To calculate tax, you can't just multiply it by the percent either. You need to gross it up, so if the tax is 20% where you live, multiply your net financial goal it by 20/80 to get the tax you need to pay, so it's actually 25%. The same goes for if it's 40%, it would be 40/60. Add that as a other expense.

If you already have a job and want to supplement your income with commissions, your figure should be the difference between where you are now and where you want to be financially, but you need to be realistic.

Financial goal - Other Income = Commission Income Goal.

Next you need to determine your labour hours. This will vary widely depending on your style, habits, and other obligations, but it's up to you to determine how many hours a week or a month you are able to work. It also helps to do your budget with different amounts of labour hours so you can prepare for the unexpected. Maybe you can do 10 hours a week, maybe you can do 40. Don't forget to budget in time off. I'm never going to be in that hustle shit and work shouldn't dominate your life.

Now you should be able to calculate your approximate labour hours for the year. Maybe it's a little, maybe it's a lot, maybe you'll need to try some different numbers until you can get something that works for you, but I'm sure you can guess what comes next.

Required income ÷ Labour Hours = Cost per Hour

Have you ever walked into a business class by accident, and as the famous tweet says, the teacher is writing a fomula like that on the board and everyone is taking notes like it's actual school? Now you can use it too.

Next you need to figure out average times for each style of piece, colours, shading, backgrounds, extra characters, you should be able to get an idea of how long each kind of drawing takes, so from there it's just,

Cost per hour × Hours required = Commission Cost

It would be nice to be done there, right? Sadly this isn't a magical finance class class world, so if you've ever taken an econ 101 class, you know what's coming.

Supply and demand mostly only works in theory and falls apart in many real world circumstances, (Economists DNI) but for online art it's actually fairly reliable. The calculation above is what your ideal cost should be, especially if you are thinking of going full time, but in reality the main thing that determines your com prices is supply and demand. How much do people pay for art the same fidelity as yours? Is there a demand for your unique style? Some artists can charge hundreds an image because they are popular, some are great but the demand isn't there.

Basically what I'm saying is to massage the numbers until you commission cost is someone people are willing to pay for. That's finance baybeeee

The whole of this post is don't undervalue yourself. Even if the market value of your art is technically below what it should be for you to make ends meet, you shouldn't undervalue yourself. Keep your goals in mind and make your prices as high as they can while people will still pay for it. I can't wait for the day when market values are a thing of the past and people can make what they want because we are no longer being forced to do bullshit to survive.

Your art is probably worth more than you think. Value your time and charge what you deserve.

[cbk1000]

I'm really a bit ehhhhh about this new compensation system.

So, under my old company, everyone got the same cost of living raise across the board, and then your bonus was merit-based. It was a measly raise; I think it was usually about 1%, so under this new system, even though we don't get bonuses, it will actually be more money overall...if you score high enough to merit a raise.

The issue is, there are brackets of 0%, 2.5%, and 3%. The absolute highest raise you can get is 3%. I calculated that out, and that is $140 extra a month for me. And that's calculated on my gross pay, so that would not be what I actually take home. Let's say maybe $100 extra a month, after taxes and benefits and all that. If someone threw $100 at me, I would not turn it down, but that is not very much money. An extra $50 a paycheck is barely noticeable, tbh, unless you are REALLY hard up, but it's still not going to go very far. My boss said that at a leadership meeting she attended, there was a lot of emphasis on how important these evaluations are and how this company has VERY high standards and the grades really need to be earned. So, is this like a situation where basically nobody gets that 3% because their standards are impossibly high? I've been evaluated under three different managers under the old system and always scored in the highest possible bracket. Under the old system, a manager did have to justify in their comments why they had scored someone really high or low, so it's not that different, but the emphasis on their standards and the wording of the merit breakdown just kind of really sounds like, "You better dance REALLY hard for that extra hundred bucks, monkey."

The other thing is, in the 0% bracket, the descriptions breaking down what puts you in that cover three different types of employees: employees with 'role model behaviors' who exemplify the values of the company, are 'team players', adapt well to change, etc. etc., but have inconsistent results and struggle with their workload. Then you have the employee who is extremely technically proficient and good at their job, but has 'inconsistent behaviors', which I take some issue with, especially if we're being graded on how much 'joy' we do our jobs with. The description for this category lists things like 'inconsistently demonstrates value-based behaviors', 'operates independent of the team or organization' and 'does not use a "systems" view', which isn't clarified, so I don't know what the criteria is for this. And then the third category is someone who is a very poor performer with a poor attitude. So basically, if you get excellent result, but your attitude is deemed poor, you get no raise. If you are a role model of good behavior but struggle with your workload, you get no raise.

Then for a 2% raise, you have to have solid behaviors and solid results; for a 2.5%, role model behavior with solid results, or role model results with solid behavior; the 3% is 'exceptional' and covers someone who has role-model behavior and exceptional results.

I'm not personally worried about getting screwed out of a raise, but a lot of this language is too broad in my opinion when it determines whether you get any raise at all, let alone the percentage. At least under the old system you knew you would get a raise, even if it was a small one, and the extra bonus was based on a similar system.

I dunno. I guess we shall see how this plays out.

[dodger-chan]

My brain is really fixated on this right now (I'm procrastinating) so I present the definitive list of who likes and hates Reagan in Stranger Things:

The Byers Family:

Joyce is far too overwhelmed most of the time to really think about politics. She didn't vote for Reagan in '80 and wouldn't have in '84, if she'd remembered to vote (normally I'd give her shit for forgetting, but her boyfriend died and her son was possessed by an extra-dimensional horror the day before the election)(Lonnie Byers is a dick whoever he voted for. Probably a Reagan Democrat, but I don't care enough about his character to be sure.)

Jonathan Byers is not very engaged in politics, like his mom, and for most of the same reasons. He will come to hate Reagan as he gets older and starts paying more attention to politics

Will Byers like many kids doesn't know a lot about politics. At twelve he feels vaguely positive towards Reagan because he's the president and the president is supposed to be good. By fifteen he is aware of the AIDS epidemic and what the Reagan administration is doing about it (essentially nothing). Season 4 Will loathes Reagan.

The Hendersons: Claudia Henderson is canonically a Democrat, which doesn't mean she hates Reagan, but does make it more likely. My guess is she hates Reagan. Dustin doesn't care much about politics and doesn't develop an interest over the first four seasons, so his opinion is shaped by his mother's; generally negative but he doesn't have enough knowledge to debate it.

The Sinclairs:

We don't know much about Charles and Sue, other than that they seem to love each other and their kids. I'm going to say they hate Reagan if for no other reason than not being blind to the racism in his campaigns (states rights to do what, exactly?)

Lucas at twelve hasn't developed any interest in politics, so like Dustin, goes along with his parents beliefs. By fifteen, though, he's getting more interested in the world at large and hating Reagan in his own right.

Erica actually kind of likes some aspects of trickle down economics (she envisions herself as a rich business woman and doesn't want to pay taxes). And he is right about the Russians being evil. But under his watch those Russians built a secret base in her town and hurt her friends. She thinks Reagan is not competent and someone else would do better. Doesn't like Reagan and I suspect will grow to hate him as she matures.

The Wheelers:

Have a Reagan/Bush sign in their yard in season 2. Sadly, Karen and Ted like Reagan.

Nancy in season 1 is young, idealistic, empathetic, and intelligent. She's just starting to get interested in politics and she does not like Reagan at all (she keeps quiet about it though; her parents would not approve). And the more she learns about the world, the less she likes him.

Mike Wheeler likes Reagan in the first few seasons. Hates him in season 4, due mainly to teenage rebellion and wanting to be like Eddie Munson.

Holly is too young to have a political opinion she didn't get from her family. Her ability to view the world is still too constricted by her parents. I see her as one of those people who became nostalgic for Reagan during the W presidency.

Barb is developing her political awareness along with Nancy. She also hates Reagan.

Jim Hopper: I hate to do this to you all, because I know he's a well liked character, but there is almost no chance that Hopper isn't a Reagan voter. He is a small town police chief who lives largely off the grid. He does not care for the federal government, and Reagan promised to keep that government out of his way. And since the lab has been around since the 60s, he probably doesn't blame the Reagan administration for any of the Upside Down or what El went through.

El/Jane Hopper: probably doesn't know who Reagan is until after season 2. Holds onto a vague approval of Reagan in Hopper's honor through season 4, but is beginning to have doubts.

Steve Harrington: I really want him to hate Reagan. But his parents are definitely Reagan supporters and while I see Steve as a genuinely good person he's also a guy who goes along with things rather than questioning them. So he probably likes Reagan until Robin and her hippie parents teach him better post season 3. (Unless there really was a hot girl who hated Reagan at Hawkins High. Steve may be a guy who has to be told things, but he does listen.)

Tommy H and Carol: They've never given national politics a thought, and won't for many years (post college). Whether or not they end up liking Reagan will depend on what crowds they fall in with at college. I could definitely see Tommy as one of those gay Republicans, though.

Mr. Clarke: Hates Reagan for his devaluing of the American public education system. Would never talk about politics with his students, though.

Murray Baumann: Hates Reagan, but not because he thinks Reagan is an especially bad president or person. Murray just reflexively hates all politicians.

Kali Prasad: hates any and all representatives of the government that kidnapped and tortured her in the name of science, including Reagan.

Bob Newby: probably likes Reagan, but is one of those people who think politics isn't very important.

The Hargrove family:

We know hardly anything about Max's mom, and all we know about her step-dad is that he's abusive and violent. They're middle-class white people so by demographics they probably like Reagan.

Billy doesn't have the mental bandwidth for politics. He experiences mainly anger and fear that has neen sublimated into anger. Hates Reagan the way he hates pretty much everyone else.

Max doesn't have a strong opinion until Mondale picks Ferraro as his running mate. Baby feminist Max wanted a woman vice president, so she started looking for reasons to like Mondale/dislike Reagan. Once she was looking, they were easy to find. Loathes Reagan, and tries to convince El to join her in her loathing.

The Buckleys: They're hippies who didn't stop being hippies when the draft ended. Richard and Melissa despise Reagan and all he stands for. Robin is independent enough that she doesn't need to rebel against her parents' political beliefs when they're clearly the correct ones.

Alexei: Desires nothing more than to be fully corrupted by the capitalist west. Knows Reagan only as a symbol of evil and loves him for it.

Ms. Kelly: Not a Reagan fan, but like Mr. Clarke keeps it to herself.

Mayor Kline: Respects Reagan as a fellow corrupt politician. What's the point of power if you aren't using it for personal gain?

Argyle: Only doesn't hate Reagan because Argyle doesn't do hate. He lived with that man as governor before the rest of the country had to experience him as president. He knows exactly what Reagan is (terrible).

Jason Carver: a Reagan supporter from a family of Reagan supporters.

Chrissy Cunningham: likes him well enough, she supposed. Her parents like Reagan, and they know better than she does. (Had she lived, either she would have married Jason right out of high school and continued making herself small and voting for Republicans or she would have come into herself at college and met new people and formed new opinions . I'm not sure which. )

Munson family: Wayne's a union guy and doesn't like Reagan's anti-labor policies. Eddie is a contrarian who hates authority. Reagan is despised in their home.

Fred Benson: actually dislikes Reagan as an act of teenaged rebellion against his parents. Would probably have reconsidered as an adult if he hadn't died.

Patrick McKinney: old enough to recognize a racist dog whistle when he hears one, even if it comes from the president. Hates Reagan, but isn't going to bring it up around his teammates.

Andy (Jason's sidekick): that kid clearly likes Reagan.

[hertwood]

dts s5 e9-10: THE FINAL POST

e9: -have not been looking forward to the christian horner episode i must say -GOD listening to everyone talk abt how dominant of a year this was for max knowing whats to come 🙃🙃🙃🙃 -this whole "well we didnt do it on purpose so its not cheating" is SO SILLY like imagine if i went to the irs like sowwy i didnt pay my taxes correctly i didnt know 🥺🥺 doesnt matter ur still getting fined lol -i have always felt that christian's whining here is Extra Obnoxious like he didnt spend YEARS going after every lil thing mercedes might've stepped wrong on. if there was a rumor that mercedes went even $100 over cost cap you KNOW he wouldn't shut up about it but when the tables turned he's such a victim -max is going to be deaf by 40 istg. insert huh cat meme that is him always. (affecionate) -"these people talk shit through the media but'll never say it to my face" have u considered its not bc theyre scared to say it to you but bc you're a rancid person they'd like to avoid interacting with. food for thought -"maybe you feel guilty, i dunno" binotto ate with that one i mean IF THE SHOE FITS -I THINK. as it was in 2020 w/ the pink mercedes. (and in 2007 with mclaren!) the penalty for the cost cap breach should've been a dock in constructors championship points. it wouldn't affect the final standings of 2021 (mercedes beat them anyway, there was a big gap to ferrari in 3rd). it would be a great way to set a strict precedent that would easily motivate teams to be very careful with the budget cap WITHOUT changing any results. FIA hire me -say what u like abt will buxton they will never make me hate you will buxton. the way he is with words explaining drama he is the caesar flickerman of f1 and if you cant appreciate it thats a you issue -showing the singapore grand prix and all i can think abt is iconic post race dando interview. yeah i'm sure the race was cool too i guess -I FUCKING FORGOT HE PULLED THE MENTAL HEALTH CARD bro is seriously like dont talk about the cheating we did think of our poor mental health 🥺🥺🥺 anyway i'm gonna go fire nyck devries midseason brb -WOMP WOMP -once again if the roles were reversed christian would be spearheading a campaign to get a mercedes title stripped be so fucking forreal -more max/gp fics. their dynamic is immaculate chefs kiss -god if lewis won this race it wouldve been so iconic. sad

e10: -ad22 top 10 daniel outfits ever. btw -um lando norris neurodivergent agenda the way he's talking about food here? something going on in that brain. when he ordered 13 spring rolls as a meal in that iconic nortrell stream? that is not a way a neurotypical person eats i swear on god -them asking charles how his season was then immediately cutting to the france crash is so mean. good narrative storytelling, but mean nonetheless -how cathartic it must be for nando to benefit from ferrari blunders lol -pre this season coming out, i remember hoping they'd have a proper focus on carlos' austria dnf. it did get a lil moment but it was, for me, the most shocking mechanical dnf of the season and i was looking forward to seeing more of the inner details of it all. oh well -cinematic parallels between merc & ferrari fighting for 2nd in 2022 AND 2023 -brazil must have some typa rule abt not having netflix there bc they always miss out on the most bangers of races. sad. i love u brazil 22 :') -"they told me i can do whatever i want. when i see carlos, put him in the wall" max i am. i am kissing u. on the mouth. mwah mwah mwah -i DO wish. the focused more on the charles v checo battle. that was simply more important. but i guess that didnt work well with the happy ending they gave checo in e7 so -"omtar might get the last laugh this time around" :)))))) for the last time babey hell yeah -FUCK hate how awkward this dando moment they chose to feature is. they're so much more than that. dts only watchers they're in love and doing the nasty on the reg i PROMISE -this daniel comp is so goofy silly now that hes coming back lmao. i do love him he is so important for the reach of f1 and drive to survive and he deserves all the love he gets -HI LOGAN SO EXCITED TO SEE MORE OF U IN THE NEW SEASON MWAH

[female-malice]

Sincere question-

I have read the argument that WNBA gets only 20% of their revenue and men get 50%. But isn't the WNBA actually causing loss because the NBA subsidizes WNBA by funding 70 million and the WNBA makes only 60 million in revenue.

So NBA is already losing money and therefore they give only 20% of the revenue to the players to prevent more loss. I don't understand why people are bashing the NBA for this.

I am not denying there is no sexism behind it. Not just cultural but systemic too because women's basketball or women's sports in general are not broadcasted and promoted as much as men's are. But is it really wrong of NBA to provide only 20% of the revenue?

You've got all these emotions and opinions about numbers from 2018 lol.

Guess what year it is? It's 2023. So why are you so worried about the league losing money in 2018? W viewership has exploded in the last 5 years. And the W is about to renegotiate their TV contract from 27 million to over 100 million. That's why W players are campaigning for fair compensation. If they don't, all that extra revenue and league growth will go directly into owners' pockets. Right now, the W is designed to benefit owners first and players last. The players want to change that league structure.

You're also missing the context that in 2018, there was nothing altruistic about NBA subsidies. The owners had been capping the W's growth for years because they use the league as a tax write-off. So the league is growing now in spite of the owners' best efforts to stop it from growing. The fact that the W no longer needs subsidies is actually not in NBA owners' best interests. W success is actually inconvenient for them. They're losing the tax write off they've used for the past 26 years.

But even if the W didn't grow in the last 5 years, the players would still deserve 50% of revenue. It makes absolutely no sense for owners to push that loss onto players. Especially when it's the owners themselves throttling the league to guarantee loss.

Guess who doesn't do all that? Europe. They want to watch women play basketball, so they pay women to play basketball. They pay them up to 4x more than America does. A superstar that makes 230k in the US can make over 1 million in Europe. Why? It's simple. The owners want to see talented women play basketball wearing a jersey with their club's name on it. The owners want their club to win tournaments. They want bragging rights. That's it. That's sports. That's what normal sports investment is about.

Most NBA teams operate at a loss each year. Should the NBA cut the pay of the players on those teams? Or is that treatment for women only? Yeah, it's for women only. Okay. In America, investment in male sports goes to players. And investment in female sports goes to owners.

Look at MLS. They've been heavily subsidized by their investors for many years. And yet the players still get 50% of revenue.

MLS recently renegotiated their TV deal. And when that happened, player salary got 50% of that growth.

W players need to wrestle for a bigger share of revenue now. If they don't, the owners will absolutely screw them out of TV money.

Anyways... all of this is why internet comment sections should not be your primary news source about women's sports. You regurgitated the same basketball speech men have been regurgitating in comment sections for years.

[marisramblings]

Thief! (Fem!Dokja x Fem!Joonghyuk)

Kinda forgot to post here about my Fem!Dokjoong/Joongdok anthology. It’s an update when I have inspo thing so I’ll take any requests.

Warnings: very, very slight nsfw

Dokja throws her hands up in frustration. She’s emptied out her drawer, closet, and laundry basket, but she can’t find her tls123 shirt. Sooyoung’s book signing is today and her only request is for Dokja to wear the shirt. Does Dokja want to go? Absolutely not, but Sooyoung’s paying and she needs extra money for her girlfriend’s birthday gift.

Joonghyuk’s birthday is in two weeks and Dokja’s been saving for the new switch. Joonghyuk’s really been into Omori, and she wants to buy the accompanying art book. It’s $70 before taxes and shipping. Her monthly salary is not enough for these gifts and her portion of the bills.

Dokja goes through everything one more time. She puts everything back before storming into the living room with a frustrated groan. Joonghyuk looks up from her perch on the couch. Her curly hair has been wrestled into a crooked braid, courtesy of Mia. She’s watching some cooking show and writing down the recipe.

“What’s wrong?”

Dokja sighs as she collapses onto the couch. “I can’t find my tls shirt. Sooyoung told me that I have to wear it or she won’t pay me.”

Joonghyuk places a hand on Dokja’s head and pats it. Her gaze remains on the tv.

“I can just give you money.”

Damn. Dokja thought she had hidden her uttering motivation better. “I’m a capable adult. I can make my own money.” Does her girlfriend make more from a single stream than she does in two months? Yes, but it’s the principle, not the practicality.

“Hm.” Joonghyuk opens the blanket just enough for Dokja to wriggle beside her.

Dokja looks at Joonghyuk. Her gaze is uninterested, as usual, and she’s wearing her gaming jacket. She’s always cold or never hot, and Dokja has yet to figure out which. Something peaks out from the fabric and she carefully pulls it to the side.

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“Hm,” is all Joonghyuk says, but Dokja can see the hint of a smile.

“You are!”

Joonghyuk deftly dodges Dokja’s grasping hands. “I guess you’ll just have to stay home then.”

“Are you serious? I need the money—“

Joonghyuk pulls her in and gives Dokja a quick kiss. Smirks at her shocked face.

“If it’s for my birthday, I’m fine. Dumplings, you, and games are all I want anyway.”

“Should I feel flattered or offended that I’m second on the list?”

Joonghyuk shrugs. “What were you saving for, anyway?”

“I was going to get the new switch and the Omori art book.”

Joonghyuk stills. Her eyes narrow in a look Dokja is intimately familiar with.

“Give me the shirt, Joonghyuk-ah.”

“Fine, but tell Han Sooyoung that she’s a conniving snake.”

Dokja rolls her eyes. “I’ll miss you, too. It’s only a few hours.”

***

Dokja quietly slips into the house. She got held up a lot longer than she planned. It’s long last Mia’s bedtime but Joonghyuk would’ve stayed to make sure she eats dinner. The new manager at Minosoft was a taskmaster, and Dokja is seriously considering being Sooyoung’s agent. Well, maybe not that.

She pads over to the living room to set down her bag. The television flickers with a late night program. Joonghyuk is curled up on the couch, fast asleep.

Dokja smiles and kisses her forehead. She’d have taken a photo, if she wanted to die.

Joonghyuk shifts around before blinking. She squints in the low light and wrinkles her nose. Dokja stifles a laugh at the little curl sticking up.

“Hmm, your dinner is in the kitchen.”

Dokja turns off the tv. “Nice to see you too. You can head to bed, I’ll be there soon.”

Joonghyuk sighs and stands, folding the blanket before setting it in the couch. The shirt she wears hangs above her waist and rides up revealing her toned stomach. The logo folds along her chest and she clearly isn’t wearing a bra. Dokja’s mouth runs dry and she’s grateful the darkness hides her blush. Sleepy Joonghyuk with messy hair and a shirt that leaves nothing to the imagination is short-circuiting her brain. Dokja has work tomorrow, and Joonghyuk won’t let her do anything before eating. She looks at the logo again because the shirt looks familiar! Not for any other reason.

Actually, the logo is familiar.

“Is that my shirt?” It’s an old tee from her university.

“Eat your dinner.” Joonghyuk gives her a sleepy glare before leaving.

***

Dokja steps out of the shower, towel wrapped tight as she dries off. Joonghyuk has a stream tonight, so she resolves herself to catching up on her to-read list. Joonghyuk gets in “the zone,”even for chill gaming, and Dokja knows not to disturb her. She puts on her favorite socks, and digs around for her comfiest hoodie, the one with a hyper-realistic squid that Jihye claims looks like her. Dokja left it on her side of the bed, but it’s gone.

“Again?” This is getting out of hand. Joonghyuk is five inches taller and more muscular. She’s going to stretch out her clothes. Dokja walks over to Joonghyuk’s office/game room and knocks.

“Come in.”

Joonghyuk is still setting up for the stream. The cat ear headphones Sooyoung bought her are slung around her neck and she’s wearing Dokja’s squid hoodie.

“I already made you a snack or are you in another comment war?” She fiddles with her glasses.

Dokja almost smiles, but she can’t get distracted. She takes a small breath.

“Joonghyuk-ah, why do you keep stealing my clothes?”

“Why are you asking dumb questions?”

Dokja steps closer. Joonghyuk only gets defensive when she’s close to figuring out a secret. Her aura is screaming danger, and what else can Dokja do besides push?

“That’s not an answer, uri gangaji.”

Joonghyuk hunches as the tips of her ears turn pink. She pretends to clean her glasses.

Dokja cups her face and gives Joonghyuk her best puppy dog eyes look.

Joonghyuk sighs. “It…”

“Hm?”

“I like that it smells like you. It helps my anxiety.” Joonghyuk is fully blushing and she looks to the side.

Dokja fights the smile threatening to overtake her face. There are some nights where Joonghyuk holds her like a lifeline. Days where a sudden noise can set her on edge. “Okay then, but I can’t have you stealing my stuff. I’ll start taking some of yours.”

Joonghyuk looks back. “Fine.” She bends down and hugs Dokja.

“Now get out. You’re a distraction.”

[newmoussaland]

I had some problems with the default replacement for the butler hairstyle, so I decided to simply cover his face.

Last round…:

💁 Norman got a job in the business career as a CEO ☎️ James West was hired to be the family's butler ✒ Norman wrote his first novel 💋 Emma started an affair with James 🎂 Benjamin became a child 💸 Taxes were 40,400 §

This round's taxes were 39,745 §

First of all, new glasses for Andy. They're still pretty big, but at least the rims aren't obstructing his view.

I never realized that he was a little sloppy, so Emma needs to teach him some table etiquette.

Sooo... ACR kicked in and made Norman fall in love with his wife. What does that mean for Miriam now ? I don't know what I should do, because on one hand, Norman has no morals, but on the other hand, it's LOVE. I guess I'll have to pay extra attention to his wants to see who he'll choose.

FFS, James ! At least knock first 😒

Perfect notes, as expected.

I was expecting Kimberly, but Tabby is nice too.

Excuse me, WHAT THE ACTUAL F#CK ?

New hobby : watching the faces sims make while talking. SO CUUUTE ❤

*checks oven* Ah, yes, this is definitely on fire.

That's it for now.

[dragonthusiast]

My self-publishing experience

Saw @prettyquickpoetry do an AMA about self-publishing, and thought it might be good to share my experience with it over the last 3 years, maybe it will be useful to someone.

So let's make a numbered list and go down it.

1. Covers

A lot of people think having as accurate cover as possible is necessary, myself included, but apparently that's not really the case. What's actually important is getting a cover that accurately shows your genre. If you have a fantasy book, and the cover immediately evocated fantasy, even if it's just some glowing sword it or something, that's usually enough.

Obviously, if there's for example a dragon on the cover and there's no dragons in the book, that would probably annoy someone, but generic can work, especially because you can then get a premade cover, which are noticeably cheaper than getting a custom one.

And getting one made for paperback/hardback of course costs extra (and in my experience they barely sell), so that's also something to consider.

2. Formating

Another important thing to deal with prior to publication is formatting of the book itself. if you properly format your text in Word, clearly labeling chapters with heading styles, that should be enough for the ebook version (at least it is when publishing on amazon, not 100% sure about paperbacks, though). However, if you want to add more complex things like graphics, POV banners, basically anything to make the inside of the book stand out, things get complicated.

Obviously you don't have to do these things, as long as the book is readable, I don't think anyone will complain, but anything from adding a table of contents to links might be a problem without it.

So if you want to have more than basic formatting, you have two options that are known to me - you can either buy a program called Vellum, which is very expensive (I paid around 300 dollars with tax) and it's only available for Macs but it is very good, or you can have someone format the book for you, which is also expensive, but not this expensive. It really depends on how many books you plan to publish. If you want to do this a lot, the program investment might be worth it, if not, I'd of course suggest just paying someone to do it for you. There's usually more complex options when it's custom order formatting, too.

I also know there's some people willing to use Vellum for you on Fiverr, which I find kind of funny, given how much they charge for such an easy task. But it is allowed, so good for them, I guess.

3. Choosing where to self-publish

Another important decision is if you decide to only stick with Amazon, or if you use the other major retailers also (e.g. going wide). I only have experience with the former, so I can only speculate about the latter, but basically: if you stick with Amazon, you get the option to put your book(s) into Kindle Unlimited (KU), which is basically a library where readers paying a monstly subscription fee can choose books to read, and you get paid per page read. This boosts your chances of people giving your book a try because it's very risk-free for them - they can just stop reading if they don't like it and go about their day without wasting money.

Now is this worth doing instead of putting your book only on Amazon? Hard to say. My books definitely make the most money from page reads, even though you get half a cent per page, but I can't know how many sales I would have made if I hadn't put the books in KU, so I have no idea. I do hear that KU is especially good for romance, but I also feel like half of publishing is just romance, so that feels like an empty statement.

The Amazon only vs. wide debate seems to be an endless one with no one actually having any idea what's best, and everyone feeling very "oh if only I chose the other option, maybe then I'd get readers" about it, so just do whatever, I guess. You can opt out of KU 3 months after signing up for it, so it's pretty risk free, and if it's not for you, you can then go wide. Though I would suggest against then going back to KU, it annoys people when things keep changing.

I know this section has not been very inspiring, but also, I just don't know at this point. I will be trying going wide with my next series, but I have no expectations, mostly because apparently more that 80% of readership is on Amazon. So if you see anyone harrassing authors for publishing there, please, feel free to bludgeon them.

4. Pricing

Most books I've seen seem to be priced at 2.99 to 4.99 dollars. Again, this is just my Amazon knowledge because I don't sell anywhere else yet. The reason for this is that, on Amazon, from 2.99 to 9.99 you get 70% of the money from a sale, while 0.99 to 2.98 gets you only 35%. (Same for over 10 dollars of course.)

You can't publish a book as free on Amazon, but you can publish somewhere else where this is allowed (I can't remember which retailer allows this right now, but I know there is at least one) and then you can tell Amazon to price match that, so it will be permafree. However, I do know Amazon, being a money hungry snake, doesn't like this, and they will do whatever they can to make this process difficult, such as randomly the price switching back from free to whatever it was.

Indie books more expensive than 4.99 get fewer sales because it's just more of a risk for readers than if they bought a more expensive traditionally published book, though if you can make it work, go for it. The more money the better.

I think 3.99 is a nice price point where it's not as cheap as it could be, implying at least subconsciously some kind of quality, while still being cheap enough for the average reader to not be intimidated by.

5. Marketing

The most awful thing in existence. Not to be too dramatic. It feels like slamming your head against a wall.

I'll immediately come out and say that I have no idea how to make this work, so unfortunately, I can't recommend anything, but I did try a lot of ways to market, so I'll just list them here and give my experiences with them.

Usually there's two types of ads you can do - ad campaigns and newsletters.

The first uses keywords you pick and you generally pay per click on the ad, which doesn't have to result in a sale. In fact, it usually doesn't, in my experience, to the point that I haven't figured out how to make them profitable at all.

Newsletters have two types - one that you yourself put together, which I highly recommend you do immediately, even before publishing. Even just having a link in the book to a signup form for people who want to read more things by you is better than nothing. I use Mailchimp for this, but I don't know if I want to recommend it, there's a lot that pisses me off about it, but that said I haven't found anything better, and you get up to 1K emails for your list for free, which is a bunch of people to collect the email addresses of. In 3 years, I got 3 so far. Obviously you can boost these numbers by offering an incentive other than just people wanting to read more books by you. For example, giving them a novella connected to your book(s) for free if they sign up. I haven't done this, but that's because I'm a lazy dumbass.

The second type of newsletters is one where you pay for your book to be added to the email that's sent out by a third party. Usually you choose which genre your book is in so only people who read for example fantasy will get your fantasy book in an email of other fantasy books. These lists have thousands of readers, but usually they're only for discounted or free books, so they're best for series.

Here's a link to a comprehensive list of these services, but they're not very cheap, having gotten much more expensive recently, with the added problem of diminishing returns. The first promotion you do is usually pretty successful, but if you do it again for the same book in maybe say half a year, plenty of people who would be interested already have your book, hence smaller numbers. I've had the most success with FreeBooksy, but I haven't tried every single service on that list.

The best of these is BookBub, where it's supposedly almost impossible not to make your investment back from what I heard. The reason I only ever heard about this is because it's expensive as shit. You fork over hundreds of dollars for these. Right now, a free fantasy book promo which is shown to almost 1.4 million people according to the BookBub website costs almost 500 dollars. The most expensive seems to be women's fiction for a whopping 700.

And again, I need to stress this is if your book is free, so you won't make any money back directly, with non free book promos being even more expensive than this. You need this to be the first in a series, ideally. I wish I could try this out, but 500 dollars here is like half a monthly sallary, so it's a little unreachable for me, especially when I can't even be sure that money will come back to me.

But from second hand opinions I've seen, very few people complain about this being ineffective. It's just very unapproachable.

Okay, and now let's look at those ad campaigns.

Let's go from worst to best:

Twitter ads - awful, you get a bunch of clicks but I've never once made a sale despite getting hundreds of clicks, even on things that are up for a dollar. So I assume it's all bots. (Also Twitter might die soon or whatever, so I guess it doesn't matter anymore)

Facebook ads - supposedly work, you can even filter people who read ebooks on there when you know how, but even after reading a book about this specific topic, I have never made a sale that way, just like with Twitter. I think Facebook ads might work, but it's a money sink to the point that I couldn't get that many clicks before having to stop the ad campaign. I'm a poor eastern European student, ok, I can't afford paying a dollar per click, hoping that maybe after 10 I get a single sale that will give me back 2 or 3 dollars.

BookBub ads - yes Bookbub also does pay-per-click ads for books. They're also useless. The only reason I put them ahead of the other two is that I believe the clicks you get are from real people, and that they're not very expensive. But I have never made a sale here.

Amazon ads - the most success I've had with this type of ad. I feel a need to stress that this is incredibly relative, I barely made any money, I certainly never made enough to justify the ads, but it was the most effective of these. I usually tried them, only to grow anxious about getting click and no sales to the point where I decided that I must be doing something wrong, turned them off, only to repeat a few months later until finally I just gave up completely. People make good profit on these, supposedly, but I just couldn't figure it out. It didn't matter what book I put out an ad for, or what keywords I used. Even when I was randomly getting clicks, there were no sales. I just don't know, anymore.

Finally, something related to marketing but not exactly an ad:

Website - when I started I thought it was incredibly important to have an author website, and yes, it's neat, but it's in no way a necessity, and it costs a lot of money. I initially didn't think it was too bad, but that's because most website hosts give you a very discounted plan for the first three years, and then hit you with even tripple prices.

Even with the newsletter signups, you can use a service to host your form on their website, not to mention you can put one of the signup forms on a free website (at least Wix let me). But my point here is that you don't actually need a website if you don't want to bother. A Facebook page serves the same purpose, for example. And even if you do want a website, a free one is enough. If there's a reader out there who, upon visiting an indie writer's website, scoff that there's ads, or whatever, they are an asshole.

Of course, if you can afford a website, why not, go for it, but it's not something you have to have.

And related to this: I see a lot of people get hung up on reviews when they first publish. And yes, reviews are important, but I have never noticed a difference in sales between books that have reviews/have few reviews/have no reviews. My most "successful" book sold hundreds of copies if I also count KU reads, and that had no reviews for a full month. All those sales were organic too, I did nothing to earn this aside from writing the book (which should be enough in an ideal world but oh well). And then the reviews weren't very good, but the sales didn't drop off.

Opposite to this my first book is sitting at 39 reviews, with the worst being two 2 star ratings, the majority is 5 stars. Pretty good. Guess what that book will not sell unless I pay. At all.

What matters is algorithms, which supposedly can be jumpstarted by getting a lot of sales upon publishing. Apparently that makes the algorithm notice that the book is doing good and it will push it more so more people buy it. But I don't think anyone actually understands how the Amazon algorithm works, including Amazon. All this is is speculation. That said, I did notice there's usually some organic interest in a book shortly after publishing (as long as its the first in a series/stand-alone). The only time a book of my arrived dead on arrival was with The Circles of Magic. I wish I could say I learned what I did wrong, but no. I have no idea still.

And I think that's it. If I think of anything else, I'll add it. If anyone has any questions, I can answer them, also, so don't be shy. I wrote this not to make anyone second-guess their goal to self-publish, of course, I don't regret doing it, but I think it's good to share what it's been like so whoever might find this useful knows what it's like. And of course this is just my experience, I'm sure you could find someone with the exact opposite experience.

Special mention to @missdrarrydawn my beloved best fren best person alive . This has nothing to do with the rest of the post. It's just the objective truth, and she deserves a special mention

[unrequited-words]

03/02/23 Thursday

EDIT: It has taken me an hour to edit, and write this from my phone. There is a lot of cussing and I'm venting. Buckle up.

It's barely 11:00 in the morning and I am fucking exhausted. I didn't fall asleep until about 1:00 a.m. I couldn't sleep for shit last night because of insomnia. The baby finally woke up about 8:30 this morning and the first thing she said was good morning and I absolutely love that she's starting to speak more.

I woke up pretty fucking angry. I got paid and paid two bills and messaged my ex-husband or husband or whatever the fuck you want to call his toxic ass and I asked him are you going to file for divorce? You said you were going to file in January and we are now in March and then I said seriously, do I need to file since you won't do it?

He retorted back with well, "I'm dealing with my Dad's health issues and I don't know if he's going to make it in the next couple of days". Of course he wants to be fucking dramatic and he wants to skirt around the issue. The fucking issue is we're still married. The fucking issue is, I have begged him to file for a fucking divorce for the last three fucking years and he will not do it.

I don't know what his fucking excuse is besides, I'm in school, I'm paying for school, there are vet bills, I had a car payment, I had to do repairs because my car is breaking down ... This that and the other.

Of the excuses in the fucking world don't matter. What fucking matters is I want to fucking divorce. He is dragged me through fucking hell for the last 10 years. In the last going on 4 years it's been a fucking complete shit show of a nightmare. He thought my kid was his and obviously she's not.

The times don't match up from the last time I faked sex. Then, you forced me to get a fucking DNA test to where I had to pay out of pocket when i'm barely making $13 an hour, to where I was barely making bills.

It came back with a 0% chance that she is his and I fucking knew it, I fucking called it! and I'm just like fine whatever it's just to get him to shut the fuck up at this point. For the last year and a half I've been begging him every other month have you filed? And he's dragging his feet. What the fuck is he hanging on to?

Here are the facts: he has been with his girlfriend for about a year ajd she still doesn't know he's still fucking married! In October of last year they went on a fucking trip from Phoenix to some shit place in fucking New Jersey on her dime which is great it was her aunt that paid for the trip because she needed to help out family...

he was working remotely which is fine and dandy but you still are fucking married and haven't signed divorce papers, retard. Just put the paperwork through. Right around Christmas they went on a motherfucking cruise a fucking cruise. MUST BE FUCKING NICE!

wanna know the last vacation I had? When my water fucking broke, and I spent a cool 8 days in the hospital thinking I'm going to die due to hemmorage, and my baby being a preemie thinking she will die too

I was fucking livid when I found out because dumbass decided to post his great life on fucking social media. Instagram of all places. It fucking made me see red. I work my ass off. I pay my fucking taxes, I pay my fucking bills, and I'm still fucking married to this goddamn loser! I'm still married to this God damn fat fuck who will not make a move!

If I have the money if I have the extra fucking money I would spend the time and energy to file for divorce. The extra money I had went o Bill's and somehow I finally bought a mattress that isn't sinking due to my partners ex wife fat ass causing it to sink in creating a fucking hole

He has all the fucking documents and I don't. so if I file for divorce I would be fucking guessing. Yes, it's all my fault because I don't know what he makes, I don't know where he lives, I think I remember the last four digits of his social security numberif I needed to file.

The matter the fact is, I left in December of 2019. I left a marriage that hadn't suit me for fucking years. I was in a marriage to where he was mentally unstable and a man who can't add 2+2. My excuse? I was in school at the time so any money I had for financial aid went to those fucking bills.

Fast forward to 2023:

When I get paid I look at my budget, when I get paid I look at what bills are due. I've never had a bank account mind you to where I don't have enough money and I OVERDRAFT. I do get the luxury of getting letters from the bank that he has overdrafted 3.00 every fucking time.

He is a fucking loser who can't get his life straight and at 40 he still fucking lying to his girlfriend thinking that going to get married, maybe whatever; but, she probably assumes that he's fucking single or separated or whatever she doesn't realize this fucking loser is still motherfucking married!

I made the choice of marrying him shows how low myself esteem was I knew when I left and I was with my current partner boyfriend baby daddy whatever the fuck you want to call him I knew this is it for me. I knew that I made a smart choice. we got pregnant right away which was such a shock.

it just got to a point where I guess he had a hard day at work and I was grieving and dealing with the death of my mom this is about 4 years ago. He saw me going through it and he said I can't deal with you right now and I took that as he can't deal with me at all. That's when I fucking checked out. I was fucking done.

That's when I started focusing on my health, my weight loss journey and my overall well-being.

In 2019 I finally was able to get a retail job working at a mall in Las Vegas selling clothes and I had that job for about 2 months.

Even though I had a shit paying job part-time at $9 an hour it was better than nothing. At least I had some line of work that I was doing to prove to in my resume that I'm not a worthless piece of shit.

So, when covid hit we made the choice to go back to Salt Lake because Las Vegas had completely shut down there was so much uncertainty and I was very newly pregnant I was maybe 8 weeks along when we moved. So for the last three and a half years it has been a fucking shit show.

I'm just so fucking angry. I don't have any alcohol to cope with it which is oh so healthy. I have fucking beer which is great I guess? I'm just realizing that I wish people would just leave me the fuck alone, and stop sucking any emotional energy from me. Most people that I've met are fucking toxic, and need to dive off a cliff.

I want my peace back. I don't fucking care anymore. After that shit show that happened with my ex so called best friend and realizing people fucking suck I should just move on but I kind of wish she fucking die. When you fuck with me I really hope karma I really truly hope karma fucks you.

welcome to my Ted Talk