#so grateful to have been able to see them twice this year!!

[gooseco]

initially sketched this after the carnegie show and finally got the chance to finish it !

[gothamhappiness]

Being in a relationship with Bruce Wayne: a journey - The break up (Part VII)

It's a big series about an afab!reader who doesn't like Bruce Wayne and who still falls in love with him (he fells quicker and harder)

Reader's origin story // Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6

Warnings: no proof reading, ANGST, mentions of reader being threatened, mentions of kidnapping attempts, insecure reader, Bruce can't talk about his feelings for his own sake, reader doesn't pick the best of time to talk about their relationship, heartbroken!reader, heartbroken!Bruce

It had been officially 2 years you had been dating Bruce - almost 3 if you weren’t that stubborn to admit you were his girlfriend back then.

You were a member of the family, you were the matriarch, you had authority over everyone, and more importantly you were happy. You have everything you ever wanted: you had a big family who cherished you (and always kept an eye on you) and you were doing well in your career.

Everything was well, until things went very down.

It was as if Hell broke loose in Gotham. So many villains were out, doing their best to bring chaos and destruction in every part of the city. Everyone seemed so busy and Bruce had to cancel several of the moments you were supposed to have together. You also started to receive a lot of death threats because of what you were writing and because of whom you were dating. You almost got kidnapped twice in one week; thankfully one of the kids was always watching over you, when it wasn’t Bruce himself.

Even if you were grateful for that, you were feeling a little bit shameful that you couldn’t take care of yourself. You were their mother, it was your job to look after them, not the other way around. It reminded you how much you were “just” a civilian. You learnt how to use a gun in your childhood, so you could defend yourself, but you were still threatened quite a lot. Gotham had always been a hostile environment, but it was getting very bad lately.

Everyone was on edge; even at the galas. On top of that, it meant Bruce didn’t have the time to reassure and to comfort you like you wished he would. You needed him.

And you hated to see him and the children coming back home covered in injuries. You took care of them, when they let you do. You felt a little bit useless though, and you couldn’t even remember the last time you slept in Bruce’s embrace.

Not only did you need him to reassure that Gotham was going to do better soon, you really needed him to reassure you that he still loved you. You just needed him to let you know that you were still important to him. 

When you tried to ask him where your relationship was, he didn’t seem to be able to answer you. You took it for a proof that things weren’t going as well as you thought.

You were wrong.

Bruce was just very taken aback by your words. You knew his identity, you were almost fully living in the manor - actually if it was only his decision, you would have given your flat back already -, you were beloved by his kids and Alfred… You were each other’s longest relationship as well. Bruce was currently more busy with searching for the perfect way to convince you to marry him and to propose to you, than anything else. 

And that was why he hadn’t been able to reassure you; you weren’t acting like he thought you would. He didn’t think you were insecure about his love; wasn’t he showering you with gifts for all the dates he missed? Wasn’t he doing his best to pleasure you in between rough patrols? Wasn’t he making sure you were always safe?

It was true that work was currently killing him, between Wayne Enterprises and his Batman life, but you knew how things would be when you discovered everything and still decided to stay, right?

That night, you had decided to try again. You needed to talk with him, you needed to understand if your relationship was strong enough to survive Hell. You were lucky enough Bruce had found some time for having some dinner with you. But the man wasn’t ready for the discussion and wasn’t emotionally available. You still tried, because each day was getting harsher for you. 

For Bruce, it meant that for the first time in a long time, he had no control over your discussion and the more it was going on, and the more he could see how upset you were getting and how wrong he was answering. The man hadn’t slept in two nights and he had no idea that he simply needed to tell you he loved you to make things a little bit better between the two of you.

“And you know, Luke told me that as a civilian I should be more careful. And it’s not the first time I thought about it. I know I’m safe here, but maybe you shouldn’t be with a civilian… Bruce Wayne is often attacked, but what about the villains who might know your secret identity? I’m an easy target” you finally said

“I never said it wasn’t dangerous for you and this is why we always have an eye on you” Bruce replied, not too certain where it was leading. 

He wasn’t showing it but he was getting really stressed out by this discussion. He would have enjoyed eating his food quietly, but clearly you had a lot to get off your chest.

“So would it be better for you and I if we split up?” you finally said it and Bruce choked onto his drink

“What?”

“You already have so much work, all of you, and if you need to watch over me, it’s just some more stuff I’m adding to your very busy life. I was just wondering… Things seem a little bit difficult lately, and I don’t want to be a burden to you. Maybe it would be easier if you were with someone like Selina or Talia. Or just not with me at least.” you said. 

You loved Selina, you were actually good friends. You didn’t know Talia, just what Dick, Jason and Damian agreed to tell you, but both of the women seemed to be more fitting in Bruce’s way of life.

“I don’t understand what you want from me, Y/N” Bruce answered in a little more stern way than he would have liked it

“I just want to know if we’re still working, that’s all” you replied, a little bit defeated. 

You had forgotten the delicious food Alfred had cooked for the two of you since a long time ago. You couldn’t even drink water, your throat was getting too tight with sadness.

“If it’s not working for you anymore, I can’t force you to stay” Bruce simply replied, a little bit absentmindedly as he saw the batman logo flashing through the dark sky of Gotham. 

He absolutely didn’t mean it like that, he didn’t even realise what he said. He was needed somewhere else and he knew it was going to be another long and painful night. You noticed his attention was elsewhere and you tried not to cry when you saw what he was looking at.

“So we’re over?” you asked again, begging for some reassurance

“I need to go,” Bruce said without answering you. 

He hadn’t even heard you in reality. And he also needed to be out of this conversation. He couldn’t hear all of this tonight, not when his mind was already full of darkness and crime fighting. He didn’t want to realise that your relationship was getting damaged because he needed you more than anything. Especially now. But it wasn’t something he was able to tell you.

“Alright then. Take care, Bruce” you said as you got up.

As he was out, fighting goons and investigating crime scenes, he was going back through your whole conversation. He knew he fucked up, but he didn’t know how badly yet.

He didn’t realise it until he got a few hours of sleep, one shower and some food. 

He noticed how silent Alfred was the next morning. It wasn’t a peaceful silence. Bruce knew when Alfred was upset at him, they didn’t need words to understand each other.

“What’s wrong, Alfred?” he finally asked him

“I thought you would have tried a little bit harder to keep Lady Y/N one of us, master Bruce, that’s all” 

“What do you mean?” Bruce frowned

“She let me know before leaving last night that you two broke up” Alfred explained

Bruce didn’t react for a few moments. 

Did he lose his girl last night? Didn’t he realise how bad things were getting? When you asked if you should break up, you meant right away? It wasn’t a conversation, you were asking if he still wanted you in his life. And he didn’t answer, so you took it as a no. He had been so stupid.

He stopped eating his breakfast as he felt something break inside of him. Life couldn’t get that bad again. He couldn’t lose his haven, especially not now.

“Yes, I should have tried a little bit harder, indeed”

--

PART 8

--

Taglist for all my work <3

@blublock404

@wind-canoe

@silverklaus

@couldeatthatgirlforlunch

@tatsuri-zomushiki

Taglist for Bruce Wayne <3

@alishii

Taglist for this series <3

@Esposadomd

@moraxussy

@resident-cryptid

@legendarypiratecheesecake

@randomnamedmira

@elleclairez

@mindless-rock

[hwallazia]

SURRENDERING TO DESIRE – 최산

⋆ synopsis. after a very long year of hard work, san and you decided to spend the holidays in namhae. but you happen to be busy even on vacation, barely exchanging glances with your boyfriend. until one night, you find the moment of intimacy you need with him.

pairing. boyfriend! san & fem! reader

wc. 3k

warnings. smut (mdni!), dom! san, sub! reader, reader is slightly a brat, fingering, squirting, teasing, slight overstimulation, deepthroat, blowjob, hickeys, dirty talk, praise, slight degradation (reader gets called “slut” once), small aftercare, nicknames (baby, sweetheart, good girl, princess) lmk if I missed anything!

nic’s notes ⋆ this one shot was inspired by an erotic audio. i’ll drop the link in here in case y’all want to listen to it | audio

Finally, that time of year had arrived. Those few weeks when you didn’t have to worry about anything other than spending quality time with your family, catching up with your friends, and traveling wherever you wanted for the simple purpose of resting.

And you couldn’t be happier to spend your resting days with San. You had both been so packed with work that you barely had time to see each other—despite living in the same apartment.

Of course you went out with San to celebrate the end of your work days for the year, a dinner at your favorite restaurant was the plan. You ate exquisitely and tasted the restaurant’s most expensive wines. While you were effortlessly shaking your red wine, San proposed that you spend the holidays in his hometown, Namhae, along with his entire family.

You knew how much family meant to San and all the time he spent without being able to see them because of his job as an idol. Of course San loved his fans, after all he would be nothing without the support of his beloved ATINYS, but he would give everything to see his family more than twice a year.

You couldn’t say no to him, not when his eyes were shining at the thought of spending his days off with the two things that made him the happiest man in the entire world: his family and you.

You very rarely went to the Choi Family house, but when you did, you were more than welcome. San’s mother reminded you of that tender and protective side of your boyfriend, always taking care of you and asking you almost everything about your relationship with her beloved son; while San’s father was more reserved, quieter. But that didn’t take away the fact that he was just as funny and chivalrous as his son.

San was definitely the perfect combination of his parents. And you were so grateful to get to call him yours.

San’s family’s vacation home was huge, and of course it had to be if it had to house such an extended family. You had really forgotten the exhuberant amount of nephews San had and how loud they were. Luckily, with the help of his mother and his sister, Haneul, you were able to put them to bed in their respective beds —not before singing them a lullaby though, sweet as dripping honey.

You sighed as the last of the children fell into the abyss of sleep after so many attempts. Mentally, you patted your back congratulating yourself on your work.

You closed the door of the room with all the caution in the world, not wanting to wake them up by the slightest alteration of the silence that you had achieved with all your effort.

You headed towards the kitchen, where you found your handsome boyfriend finishing washing the last of the dirty dishes. You positioned yourself behind his broad, muscular figure only to gently slide your hands along his waist. A small jolt ran through San’s body when he felt your touch, turning to look at you immediately.

“Fuck. Baby, you scared the living shit outta me,” San’s hand landed on his chest, a soft giggle escaping out your lips as you slapped his side gently.

“Language,” You said in a tiny whisper.

“Sorry. But I thought you were asleep?” Now his palms held your hips safely, his fingers drawing little circles on each side.

“Mm, I should, yeah,” Your arms moved and placed over his broad shoulders, “But I don’t want to sleep in an empty bed, you know?”

“Miss me, princess?” His voice, so sweet and husky at the same time it almost made you fall to your knees.

“Yeah, a lot,” You hid your face in the crook of his neck, leaving a little trail of innocent kisses, “It’s crazy how we only get to exchange glances all day.”

“Yeah,” He sighed but held his breath for a second, a little smile drawing on his lips, “What do you say if we” He held you even closer to his anatomy, “go to bed.”

You smiled against his lips and left a small peck on them, “Sounds good to me.”

San stretched his hands further so he could intertwine his fingers with yours and go to his bedroom to give that long and exhausting day an end. There were still a few dishes that he hadn’t finished washing, but he would take care of that tomorrow. He just wanted to put you to bed at that moment.

When you arrived at your shared room, San closed the door behind you and guided you towards your bed—queen size. He placed you against the mattress so gently, as if you were glass, and was on top of you, each arm on the side of your head supporting his own weight to avoid collapsing on top of you.

“You look so pretty right now,” San murmured. His hot breath hitting the flushed skin of your cheek.

A soft giggle rolled off your lips and San couldn’t help but watch them, watch carefully your every move. The way your lips parted only to show a row of perfect teeth, as bright as a pearl. He got comfortable as he laid on your side, hugging your waist and caressing it. His cheek resting on your chest.

“I really love you, so much,” He continued, “I know I don’t get to say it much since we’re so busy with work and stuff. But I want you to know that I genuinely love you and I can’t imagine a world without you by my side. You make me the happiest man and I promise to spend the rest of my days trying to make you the happiest woman.”

You didn’t have the strength to cry, you were exhausted from having dealt with your boyfriend’s nephews all day. But if you could cry, you would.

This was what you loved about San.

He showed you that he loved you in every way possible, and he reminded you every day through messages, words, chocolates, letters, in any way.

You felt like a woman being with him and safe in his arms.

He was the only man you wanted in your life. The only man you’d die for.

“Sannie,” You caressed his cheek softly, his eyes closed the moment he felt your skin touching his, “I don’t think you can make me happier than you already do.”

You left the sweetest peck on his lips, your palm still caressing his skin.

“I love you a lot more,” You struggled a little bit trying to wrap his muscular body with your arms, both of you melting into the sweetest hug, “Mine,” You whispered against his neck.

San laughed in embarrassment without opening his mouth, “All yours.”

You don’t know when you lost consciousness and fell into his arms, asleep like a baby. It was when you heard a child’s desperate cry that you opened your eyes lazily, realizing that San had been spooning you, his arms wrapping you in his warmth, keeping you safe. You managed to hear the voice of San’s sister in the distance, who began to whisper a lullaby to calm the awake child and put him back to sleep. Eventually you stopped hearing even the slightest sound, so you decided to go back to sleep.

Which was impossible. Because just a few minutes after you closed your eyes, you felt something half hardened hit the curvature of your ass. As soon as San shifted uncomfortably in his place, his member managed to rub even more against your exposed skin, rising and hardening with each movement. You knew it was normal for this to happen, but it had been a while since you played with your boyfriend.

Like the good girlfriend you were, you decided to give his erection some relief. You moved your ass back and forth mischeviously causing even more friction. A low groan was heard.

You continued your actions and San slowly woke up, you couldn’t see his frown eyebrows nor his lips, twisting in discomfort.

“Baby,” His husky voice sent shivers down your spine. You couldn’t help but slightly arch your back, “Stop moving.”

“What did you say?” You started innocently bouncing on his hardened cock.

“Stop bouncing or I'll give you a reason to bounce,” He was half-asleep, but he always had the energy to put you in your place. And he never failed on it.

“But I already have a reason, don’t I?” You continued, “Your little friend has been up for a while.”

He brushed off what you had said as if he didn’t hear it, “Y/n, someone can hear us.”

“Not if we keep it quiet.” You paused briefly, allowing San’s mind to process your plan. As soon as you heard his sigh, you knew he had given up. You turned around so you could see your lover’s lost, sleepy gaze shining with the moonlight that entered the room as an intruder.

He grabbed your jaw gently and brought it closer to him to kiss your plump lips. The kiss began calmly, both feeling the warmth of the other even more. This sweetness didn’t last long though, it disappeared when San’s tongue entered your mouth without a warning and it started dancing with yours. A whimper left your lips when he pulled you by your waist, closer to him.

“Shh. Do you want everyone to know the needy little girl you are?” His fingers danced all along your belly, drawing doodles on it softly. When two of his fingers reached the beginning of your vagina, he felt nothing but your bare skin, “Ooh, not wearing any underwear I see. Trying to tell me something?”

“Maybe I just want you to shut up and make me cum,” You whispered against his lips dangerously. A low, lustful flame lit up in San’s eyes.

“You’re gonna end up begging me to stop, sweetheart,” His fingers started playing with your creamy mess, which started spilling off and dirtying the covers. “And guess what?” He inserted them with a single thrust. Their length was long enough to touch your g-spot faintly. “I won't.”

It didn’t take long for his fingers to start moving faster, your desperation to cum was beginning to build up in your lower belly, and you could feel it as a pleasant heat. Your eyes closing unconsciously. You tried to drown the urge to moan your boyfriend’s name by biting the inside of your cheek. You alternated between biting your lip and your cheek, loosening the high tension on your jaw when it started to hurt.

“Look at me when I touch you,” He demanded, and you couldn’t resist the moan that came deeply from your throat. 

Tension spread quickly through your limbs as you had broken the only rule San had told you not to break. Absolute silence. 

San didn’t say a word though, apparently giving you another chance to show him that you were a good girl and that you knew how to follow his rules, that you knew how to obey any order of his without reproach.

He tested you when his thumb pressed against your clit, moving it in circles. You were holding onto your last shred of sanity when his fingers began to repeatedly touch that sweet spot, and at the same time, his thumb pressed that pleasure button in the most exquisite way. You tried, you really did. But fuck, the pleasure was so intense that you were glad you were laying on your bed because your legs had given out a while ago.

“You better keep the volume down or I’m gonna go even harder,” His low demand penetrating your eardrums.

At that moment you felt how your shoulders were heavy, each one carrying a mini-you, one of them was whispering to you with the sweetest voice to be a brat and rail him up even more, while the other was trying to explain to you all the different reasons why you should shut the hell up and be a good girl for San if you wanted him to fuck you. You knew that San was capable of leaving you horny, with a big mess down your panties —he made it up to you, eventually. He always did. But you didn’t feel in the mood for it right now, you wanted to be fucked, and you wanted it now.

“S...San, Sannie. Oh my fuck,” You tried to articulate.

“Mhm?” You could feel his arrogant smirk even with your eyes closed from the satisfaction you were receiving with just your boyfriend’s fingers, “Feels good, doesn’t it?”

You didn’t know he could pump his fingers into you even faster. But now you do. Because he did. His movements, so precise they turned your brain into mush.

“Use your words, sweetheart,” He murmured and you felt a heated wave crash into your insides.

“D...Don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop, baby,” Your breathlessness striking your voice down, “Even if I beg you to,”

You heard San mumble a “fuck” under his breath. Your body started trembling even more when you felt that that heated coil formed down your belly was about to reach its release.

“F-fuck! Sannie I’m so fucking close,” You whined, still trying to keep your cries at a low volume, “Fuckfuckfuck!”

“I know, baby, I know,” He cooed, “Just let go for me,” San removed his fingers from your warm inside only to rub his ring and middle fingers against your swollen clit. A satisfied sigh was heard when you started squirting on his hand, the silk sheets getting wet from your clear liquid, “That’s it. What a good girl,” 

San waited for you to come down your high while he kissed your neck and breasts, carefully leaving cute lovebites on them, only attaching his lips to your skin in places that you could easily cover with some clothing. Finally, after having regained your breath and the ability to formulate sentences, you looked down at the prominent tent that San had trapped in his pajama pants.

You were tired from the excellent session your boyfriend had just given you, but you felt bad for him and his little friend. It must’ve been painful that his big, cum-leaking boner had been left unattended for so long. 

“Need a little help with that?” You spoke seductively, hiding your tiredness. Because you knew that if you showed any signs of tiredness, San would immediately stop everything just so you could rest. He would then take care of his problem with a cold shower or with his poor, lonely hand.

“I thought you’d never ask.” He removed his short in the blink of an eye, amusingly.

A soft giggle from you resonated inside San’s ears, delighting in your sweet voice. You moved so you could be right in front of his mouth-watering erection. You decided to tease him a little bit because damn his cock was rock-hard, perfectly up.

“Could you be any harder?” You said while you played with his cock tip, rubbing your index finger on it. When you saw a speck of precum peek out of his slit, a smirk was instantly drawn across your face.

“Are you gonna keep playing with it or are you gonna put it in your mouth at some point?” He said, panting a little bit. 

He didn’t need to tell you twice. As soon as you heard his order, you were willing to take him to heaven with just your mouth, you wanted him to see stars and for his gaze to light up with white dots of intense, pleasure. You planned on giving him an eye-rolling orgasm.

You suck, lick and slurped everything you could put in your mouth, the rest of his cock was not neglected but getting the attention of your hands. A low groan from him made you quiver. Yet you didn’t stop working your mouth on his harden dick, already twitching inside you mouth.

“Holy fuck. You really are a slut for my cock, aren’t you?” Your doe-eyed gaze met his as his hand caressed your head softly. That drove him over the edge. And the slurp you just did right on his tip? He thought he was going to pass out. “Oh fuck. That’s it. Don’t fucking stop, baby.”

It only took a couple more licks along his dick and a light, gentle massage on his balls and San was already cumming inside your mouth. You received all the spurts of his hot cum gladly, happy that now you had both reached your own orgasm at least once.

You’d have time later to fuck properly, in your apartment, alone where no one could bother or interrupt you. After all, there was only one day left until you and San returned to the busy city of Seoul. Probably during the remaining day there will be naughty glances or touches, but who’ll notice?

Both of you, being tired enough, melted into an embrace, full of love and affection. San left messy kisses all over your face, you made a little sound in annoyance, trying to tell him to stop. A laugh slipped off San’s tongue, finally leaving a soft peck on your lips.

“You really don’t realize what it does to me when we’re cuddling and you press your ass against me,” And as the brat that you were, you were about to do to him precisely what he had told you not to do. And as if San had entered your mind and read your thoughts, he continued, “And don’t you even dare doing it,”

You let out an annoyed huff and replied, “You’re no fun, Sannie.”

“Me? You��are the one that turns me the fuck on with that ass of yours,”

“Oh! So, is that my fault now?” A laugh threatened to burst out of your throat.

“Yes, it is,” He said like a little kid, with that childish tone of him that you could recognize even being blocks away. “See? Now I have another problem,”

You didn’t understand what he was referring to until you looked down and saw his cock, waking up again from its flaccidity.

A sigh left your lips as you smiled at San’s sheepish smile, “You really have no remedy, boy.”

And he turned you around, trapping you in his strong arms. Suddenly the fatigue you both had a few minutes ago disappeared.

This was going to be a long night.

| masterlist

[rabidline]

Shoma Uno's Interview, after Ice Brave 2025 First Day (14 June 2025)

Full Transcript in Japanese by World Figure Skating: https://worldfigureskating-web.jp/news/13417/2/

Nikkan Premium (paid): https://www.nikkansports.com/premium/sports/figure/news/202506140001795.html

— What are your thoughts after finishing the first day?

Honestly, I'm surprised to be surrounded by even more people now than when I won the World Championships twice (laughs). But setting that aside (laughs), we created this ice show from scratch, and it wouldn't have reached this level of quality through my efforts alone. I received so much support from so many people. And it wasn't just business-related support—people went above and beyond, doing more than what was required.

There are only seven of us performing this show, and it's that very fact—being just seven—that made it both possible and extremely difficult. But everyone stuck with it until the end, and because of that, we were able to have an incredible opening day.

Also, this kind of demanding ice show is really hard to get through physically, but the applause and cheers from the audience kept us going. Of course, we’re doing this to entertain everyone, but their applause and cheers made it enjoyable for us, too. I feel like we created a true win-win show.

— Was there a particularly memorable number or program?

After finishing, I was reflecting, and I’d say Ice Brave had no real "rest" moments. We put a lot of time and effort into every part of it. While I’m the main skater, the other six aren’t just supporting cast or ensemble. I think of them as equal teammates. So there’s no single highlight—I can proudly say, “All of it.”

— You had an ice dance scene with Marin Honda as well.

Doing it made me realize how different ice dance is from singles. I could only apply about 10–20% of the skills I developed in singles—it was really tough. It wasn’t just a collaboration piece; since this was my first time producing an ice show, I wanted to try new challenges and create something that stood on its own as a complete program.

I’m confident I can grow even more, but I also feel proud of how hard I worked. The applause felt like praise for all the practice I’ve done up until now (smiles). With singles, it was always about how much time you put into a program and what result you got. Of course, there were nerves back then too, but you rarely get moments where you hear that kind of cheering and applause. It felt amazing to skate today.

— How did it feel to open the show in your hometown, Aichi?

Even as I was exiting the rink, I felt so grateful that so many people came to watch. We held long rehearsals to deliver something truly special to the audience. Since this was my first time doing so many things, there were lots of mistakes, lots of trial and error. But thanks to a lot of help, we managed to create something wonderful.

For me to be able to say it was “wonderful” means I gave everything I could right now. Doing this show at Morikoro Park, a familiar place… ah, I’m no good (laughs). I’m too exhausted to speak fluently right now, sorry (laughs).

— Were there any programs you felt you were able to brush up since your competitive days?

The concept of the show was centered around my competitive programs. It’s about me in the present revisiting those past pieces. We even had a land-based dancer do some choreography, which pushed me into areas I hadn’t explored before. Since I’ve spent every day honing my skating skills, I decided to take on the things I’d been neglecting.

Ice Brave was created as the first step into that journey. I don’t know if I’m really answering your question, but every piece has its own memories—like “this was super hard, so let’s have Stéphane (Lambiel) do it” (laughs), or Boléro, which I finally felt came together after a year, so I saved it for the end. See You Again is super old, but it’s a good program.

Looking back at all the different styles I’ve done, I’ve discovered what I’m good at and what I struggle with. I also gained experience in how to teach programs I’m not even skating in myself, which was a valuable learning experience.

— Do you ever feel nostalgic for your competitive career?

Not at all (laughs). Honestly, when I was competing in singles, it always felt like I was being chased every day—that intensity was great in its own way. It’s not that I miss or don’t miss being active, but rather, skating alone felt lonely. I skated Loco (Balada para un Loco) solo, but I really enjoy working together with others, building something in the same direction. After today’s opening night, I felt like I now find more fulfillment and joy in that shared experience.

— How did Stéphane Lambiel’s skating look to you?

Stéphane is 40 now, right? And he’s incredibly energetic! The quality of his performance at 40 is amazing. I mean, he’s doing the programs I used to do as a competitive skater (laughs). That’s seriously impressive.

Before he joined us, we were all working hard, but once he did, everything lit up. It became a space full of laughter—and also, rehearsals stopped progressing (laughs). Half-joking, half-serious (laughs). But that’s how fun the space became.

Even though he jokes around, he picks things up quickly and puts in real effort. You can really see his determination to make the show great, even if it means pushing himself. He’s more than just a coach—he’s more like a close friend, and that’s how I’ve always seen him.

— When did you start practicing ice dance?

Around October of last year, I changed skates and started from there. Not every day, but I practiced when I could. From the beginning, I knew I wanted to include one ice dance piece in the show, so I made that request early on.

— Why did you choose Loco (Balada para un Loco) as a solo, and Legends as a duet with Lambiel?

For Loco, well… half the reason is that I liked the piece back when I was competing. I knew I wouldn’t be able to recreate the same quality right now, but I thought maybe I could bring out a different version that’s unique to who I am today.

Since Ice Brave is a show that traces my journey, I wanted to include programs that viewers have emotional connections to. Some were ones that left strong impressions; others were programs I struggled with, and that’s why I chose Loco.

As for Legends, I’m not sure—it just had a good reputation (wry smile). I’ve heard people say they liked it, but I can’t view myself objectively, so I don’t know how “great” it really is. But I’ve received positive feedback from others, including fellow skaters, so I figured, “Well, let’s include it.”

We were also considering skating Gravity together, but… ah, you can tell I’m struggling to talk about things I don’t feel strongly about (laughs). Through a process of elimination, and because it’s a good and popular program, we decided, “This works, right?” Something like that. Sorry (laughs).

— Any interest in returning to competition through ice dance?

When we decided to do ice dance, I didn’t want it to be seen as just a collaboration piece, so getting questions like this actually makes us happy.

What I’ve realized through trying ice dance is that everyone’s level is really high—it’s an incredible discipline. I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way, but I hope we can continue to build something that’s truly great as a pair in this show, to the point where we could be seen as real ice dancers.

— Who leads during ice dance? Do you call out to each other?

Not really. Especially during spins. Seriously, it’s harder than it looks. Just doing one rotation is a challenge. I hope people can understand just how difficult it is. It’s really tough. Everything easily goes off alignment.

— Who taught you ice dance?

(Kenji) Miyamoto-sensei used to do ice dance, so he taught us. We also learned bits and pieces from various people when we could. Kazuki Kushida had dabbled in ice dance too, so we asked him some things as well. That’s how it went.

[k-s-morgan]

What are your plans to the future? Do you think about moving to another country? At least for a while until this war ends? I hope you can undestand what i meant, english is not my first language but what i am trying to say its You have endure enough. You are strong for remaining yourself and keeping hoping for a better future but a better future sees unlikeable to happen. This world is insane. The people in it dont care about each other. I am worried by you. Every day.

Another ask: Me again. So as i said before, people dont care about anything that arent themself. Many countrys could help to end this insanity but they wont. I dont know if they even try it tbh. You have done enough Morgan. If its money the issue, i will send to you everything i can. If you have the chance to leave, please do it. You can always start again, and enjoy live again if you are alive. Your life and your mother and your family's life are important. Please, please think about it.

-----

Hello! Oh, thank you so much for worrying about me to this extent <3 I can't tell you how warm and reassuring this feels to me. Your asks touched me a lot, I'm so grateful to have readers like you - sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am.

I do think about moving - I've been thinking of it since the start of the war, but unfortunately, the choice always comes down to my safety vs. my family. To have both, I would indeed need money, but way too much of it. Like, tens of thousands of dollars. This is just not achievable.

Starting a new life elsewhere would mean that my mother would be automatically out of job. She won't be able to find anything even remotely good due to her age and qualifications, and if she leaves now, she'll lose her pension. 3 more years separate her from it. So, I'll become the sole provider.

In Kyiv, we live in our own apartment, but in another place, we would have to pay the rent, which is always expensive. Technically, with the job I have now, I would be able to support us anyway, but only barely. And what would happen if I were to lose my job? I lost it twice in one year already. What if someone gets sick, or another emergency happens, or I die? My family would be completely helpless - no pension, no jobs, no proper savings.

Selling the Kyiv apartment is way too risky - the money can lose value or disappear in other ways, and we'd be homeless. Renting it out is a possibility, but my stepfather lives here. He can't leave, or he risks getting drafted.

Of course, if the threat to our lives was acute - like if Russians were standing near Kyiv again and bombs were flying at us non-stop, we'd all flee. It would come to a life in uncertainty and poverty vs. death, and we'd naturally choose the former. But the threat isn't acute yet. Yes, the air raids happen daily, and it's terrifying, and things are getting worse, but statistically, not that many people die from it. We face a much bigger chance of being hit by a car than by a missile.

That's what makes this choice so complicated and nuanced. And I'm not even talking about emotional factors, such as this being my beloved home, a place where my relatives and pets are buried, a place where I take care of the specific homeless cats and birds - they depend on me, and leaving them behind is devastating.

If I had a lot of money, I would leave anyway, but I don't, so making this decision is next to impossible. Leaving alone would be easy, but it is not an option - my family is my lifeline. I'd rather live in horror with them than in happiness without them.

However, I also understand that such a life is impossible to bear. I'm so traumatized that I think even in the best-case scenario, I will die before my time due to some nerves-related illness.

This December, my father turns 60. After this, he will be safe to leave. If the war is not over and there is still no hope, I think I will move to another city, a safe one, with him, while my Mom and my step-father stay for 3 more years until my Mom's pension. I will come visit them often, maybe live in both places.

That's what I have in mind for now. It's a tentative plan, but it's there, and I'm holding onto it while still hoping that this nightmare finally ends this year. Justice will not come, but peace, at least a temporary one? Maybe.

[selfindulgenceisthekey]

𝙼𝚎𝚛𝚞 𝙼𝚎𝚛𝚞 𝚗𝚘 𝙼𝚒: 𝙸𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

A/N: I have never written for One Piece before. In all honesty, I just started watching the anime. I’ve watched the live action, and I loved it, and I have read a lot of fanfic. Then my brain made this. So here we go.

“We have guests.”

It wasn’t a sentence you were unused to hearing, but normally you were given more time to prepare. You nodded, remaining quiet as Kurozawa stared silently for a beat, before stepping out of your room. One of your handmaids came in after he left, carrying whatever garment he wished you to dress yourself in tonight.

It was golden, as it always was. Thin straps on your shoulders, tight fitting and long, a slit along your leg. You’d look like treasure— his treasure.

You heard a little hum as the maid left, Eimi’s golden eyes, bright and wide, staring up at you questioningly. You smiled at her, running a hand through her hair, playfully poking the tip of her nose.

“Will you be okay by yourself for tonight?”

She shrugged, and that was enough confirmation. She had her papers and pencils, the one raggedy bunny you had managed to convince Kurozawa to buy her. If you played your cards right you’d even be able to bring her back some dinner.

Though, neither of you got your hopes up for that. You changed quickly, the typical routine engrained in your memory. Golden dress, golden jewelry, hair out of your face, minimal makeup, his brand on your bicep always uncovered.

Eimi tapped your hand, pulling your attention to her. She studied your face for a moment, before smiling, signing pretty in her own little language.

“Thank you, my dear,” You leaned down, kissing the crown of her head.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” You headed towards the door, trying to keep a brave face as you turned to her, “Don’t stay up too late, okay?”

She huffed, but nodded. She never argued with your directions, brushing her teeth twice a day, bathing without complaint, never staying up too late.

The guards outside said nothing as you stepped out, locking the door behind you, and leading you down the halls. They were covered with art, paintings of the Kurozawa family, pottery far too expensive to look as cheap as it did.

You wondered who the guests this evening would be.

Marines? No, he would have made you dress just a bit more decent.

It wasn’t a fellow warlord, there would have been more gossip whispered through the halls.

You knew better than to ask the guards, the pair taking their place in the dininghall as you entered. You were momentarily surprised to see the guests were already seated, plates full of food before them.

Kurozawa was seated at his usual space, the head of the table, your seat to his left open, the plate, as usual, empty.

“There she is,” He grinned, and years of being accustom to him were the only thing keeping you from recoiling in disgust.

You kept your face stoic, head lowered as you took your seat. He continued to the guests.

“My song bird, ladies and gentlemen,” He introduced you to the group, and you could feel their curious gazes upon you.

Your eyes remained forward, the air of elegance as you sat, back straight.

“She doesn’t look like a bird.”

The sentence had you blinking, fighting the urge to look at whoever said that. Kurozawa snorted, amused yet annoyed at the stupidity.

“It’s merely a pet-name, strawhat.”

Wait.

Strawhat?

You glanced over, heart stuttering in your chest as you made eye contact with one Monkey D. Luffy. He was eating, looking back at you rather curiously. What—

What were the strawhat pirates doing here?

Kurozawa continued to speak, and you broke the staring contest that was going on between you and the pirate captain.

“Now, I am very grateful that you all have chosen to come visit. To be quite frank, your reputation exceeds you all. A powerful crew such as yourself.”

Ah, okay. That makes sense. He wanted to work with them; which meant he wants them to work for him. He’d hired pirate crews before, having them do his bidding. Pillaging and stealing, being the ones to be in trouble with the marines while he sat back and watched his gold pile up.

“With that being said; I’d like to make a deal with you.”

You watched with morbid curiosity, and mild disgust, as the strawhat captain continued to pile food on his plate. His stomach seemed like a never ending pit.

“What’s that?” Crumbs littered his mouth, and you had to fight the physical recoil.

His other members didn’t, the red headed woman, cat burglar Nami, you believe, wrinkled her nose at him, watching as crumbs littered the table before him. She looked like she was seconds away from scolding him. The blonde man, black-leg Sanji, shared an equally annoyed looked. They seemed to have manners, refraining from scolding the man for the mess he’s been making.

“I wish to hire you all, create a contract between the strawhats and the Kurozawa-family. For the foreseeable future.”

He sat back in his seat, cocky and confident as he always was, “Money is no issue, truly. You name your price, and I’ll set you up with weapons, men, and maps, so long as you do as I request of you.”

There was silence, the pirate crew all looking between each other, silent conversations being bad.

“Hey— is there any more of this stuff?” The captain waved around one of the bones from the lamb legs.

You saw the way Kurozawa’s eye twitched, his question being ignored entirely. He cleared his throat, clearly fighting to keep his temper in check.

“Of course.” He snapped his fingers, and a few servants hurried forward, more plates of food being placed on the table, taking away empty trays.

At the rate he ate there would be no leftovers to bring Eimi. That thought alone was the most disappointing part of this evening so far.

“Are you not going to serve your lady?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Kurozawa’s attention turned to black-leg, eyes narrowing at the question thrown his way. The blonde man’s head tilted your way, “Your songbird, her plates still rather empty.”

The gazes of the crew turned to you, and the rapt attention made your face heat up. Kurozawa laughed, a forced sound.

“She eats in the comfort of her own suite, she prefers her privacy. Now, back to my offer—”

The blonde man stood from his seat, the chair scrapping against the floor. He walked behind the others, who shook their heads, moving close to you. Your plate was soon filled with different items: meat and veggies, sauteed potatoes and toasted bread. The scent alone had your mouth watering.

“A lady should always be served first, especially one as beautiful as you,” His words were directed towards you, and you for once, found yourself silent, because you were unable to response.

Kurozawa slammed his fist against the table, cutlery rattling, and you jumped in your seat, tearing your gaze away from the pirate.

“Now,” He was seething, black-leg returning to his seat, “My offer. I—”

“Nah.”

The silence following the response nearly had you choking on your spit. Kurozawa was frozen where he sat. “Nah?”

Luffy shrugged, “Nami told me what you do. I don’t wanna work for you. Plus, helping you isn’t gonna help any of us get to the grand-line.”

You could see the vein popping out of Kurozawa’s neck. He wasn’t used to being told no, not so bluntly of course. Face red, he sat back in his seat, trying to force an aura of nonchalance.

“I can offer you a new ship, something better. Far faster.”

“No. I like my ship. She’ll get us where we need to go.”

He huffed, gaze turning towards you, anger and demand clear in his gaze. You held your sigh in, glancing down to your plate. You turned towards him, trying to will that feeling back into your chest.

“You won’t consider helping Sir Kurozawa?”

Luffy looked towards you, as did the others. This was the first time you’d spoken, or even looked up really, since entering the room.

“If he really needed help then sure, but he doesn’t. The only reason we came was ‘cause the invite said there’d be dinner!”

You could feel Kurozawa’s heated gaze on you. It didn’t work. That was fine, you could do it, you had to.

You tried again, “You should consider helping him, it’s rather important to him.”

“Look lady,” The swordsman spoke, voice gruff and startling, “You already have our answer.”

You could feel the panic growing in your chest, but you clamped it down. Panicking wouldn’t get you anywhere.

“You should consider helping him.”

You could see the words take effect, pausing his motions, eyes glazing over as your powers worked— finally. Kurozawa hummed, a pleased sound from the back of his throat.

“Alright,” You heard the unsheathing of swords as his crew reacted.

Oh no— you were so focused on ensuring you got to the captain your focus ignored the others. Guards in the area all stood at attention, swords and guns drawn.

“Now now,” Kurozawa spoke up, and you sat back on your seat, trying to curl into yourself as best as you could, “Let’s not act too hasty.”

Luffy’s eyes were clear now, staring at you with curiosity.

“That was so cool— how did you do that?”

“Luffy!”

“I—” You clamped your mouth shut, so fast your teeth clacked painfully.

You heard your name be called— barked almost. An order. You knew what that meant.

You stood, the same guards as earlier moving to your side to escort you back to your room. The full plate of food remained on the table, untouched. You were taken quickly back to your room, hearing voices back in the dining hall as you left.

“Hey wait— how’d you do that?”

“Luffy we have bigger problems than that!”

“Strawhat, you’d do well to not continue to deny my offer.”

You did your best to block out the noise as you got back to your room, the door unlocked and you stumbled in. Eimi was curled up on the bed, not asleep, and looked over at you curiously.

You were back far earlier than you normally were.

You smiled at her, “I wanted to make sure I got back before you fell asleep,” You hated that these little white lies came to you so easily when speaking to her.

She pouted, not entirely believing you, but she sat up, watching as you changed into one of the few sets of pajamas you owned. You slipped into the bed, her small frame hurrying to curl up in your arms. You hummed, a low tune, a simple lullaby you had made up for her.

She huffed, leaning back to look at you. You okay?

“I’m fine, Kurozawa wanted to talk business with his guests. Boring stuff.”

She narrowed her eyes at you, and you pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead, distracting her. “Shush now, it’s time to sleep, okay?”

Despite your hope that she’d nod off, she stayed wide awake, as did you. It was hard to sleep, with all you could hear. Even muffled, you could hear that fight that had started.

There was yelling, orders being barked from Kurozawa, no doubt throwing his men forward to hide from the fight himself. You could hear guns going off, the sound of swords clashing against each other. You wanted to scream into one of your pillows— but you knew you had to remain calm for Eimi.

God, you knew how greedy Kurozawa was, how horrible of a person he could be. But to go and make enemies of the Strawhats? What was his next goal— challenge Dracula “Hawk Eye” Mihawk himself? Sure, Kurozawa collected swords, beautiful and strong, but the man had never even held one.

Where he may lack in strength and brains he made up for in numbers. The amount of people under his thumb; indebted, paid, bought, rivaled almost any group you had heard of.

You felt the hairs on your arms stiffen, and though you weren’t sure for what, you sat up, hurrying to pull Eimi into your arms. She made a panicked noise, no doubt eyes wide as she stared up at you, but your attention was on the bedroom door.

The fighting sound was quieter but still there, but that wasn’t what caught your attention.

The guards outside were moving, calling out commands. Loud, metallic sounds echoed in the hall before there was silence. The door handle jiggled, and you moved quickly.

There weren’t any windows, Kurozawa was worried you’d try and escape anyway you could, just as there were no items you could use as a weapon.

Not without proper planning, at least.

You deposited Eimi in a corner, her little arms reaching for you broke your heart but you pulled away, quietly telling her to stay put. You opened a dresser drawer, frantically sorting through the stupid items before you found what you needed. It was small, and in a real fight would provide nothing for you. But in a moment of panic or surprise it could at least buy you time. A piece of sharpened, broken pottery, tied tightly to the end of a makeup brush.

Both items you had scored through “clumsy acts”, and both had resulted in punishment, but they at the very least gave you chance to form your own, mini scalpel type weapon.

The moment your fingers wrapped around it, the door flew open. Quite literally. Annoyed or frustrated with the lock, the person took to breaking it off the hinges, and you reared back, eyes wide as it fell to the floor.

Through the debris you saw him step in, hat still in place. Monkey D. Luffy walked in, eyeing the room curiously, before his gaze turned to you.

You were trembling, you could see it, less feel it, holding the sharp end of your weapon out towards him. You had moved so Eimi was behind you.

“Hello!” He sounded so childishly cheerful, as if he didn’t just knock out the guards outside your room and break the door down, “I’m Monkey D. Luffy, I’m gonna become the king of the pirates. I never learned how you did that at dinner— it was so cool! Did you eat a devil fruit?”

Pt. 2

[milkamel]

My Queen. My gorgeous. Love of my life. My prettiest girlfriend. Happy birthday, my dear <3. I know that you're shy and not gonna admit what I'm gonna say (and probably gonna scold me for not sleeping cuz unfortunately Tumblr doesn't allow to schedule asks), but trust me, you're the best person I've ever met. You're The Perfection. Not only you are creative, you're also inspiring. Supportive. Compassionate (omg Pure Vanilla Cookie reference?!). Understanding. The kindest. Always so honest about how you feel. Without you I'd never become a better person, I'd never improve in arts, and would probably harm not only myself, but also people around, for even during my hardest times, when I literally had no hope left that things will get better, you were there for me, tried your best to support me — and did support, in fact! Taught me so many important things. Let me look at myself from completely different angle. You're literally the only person who made me feel loved, needed, who made me see that I'm much better than I think I am, even with all my flaws and shortcomings. And I am forever grateful that you exist. That we met each other back then, almost 7 years ago. I am grateful that you are who you are. I'm not lying when I say that I always wanted to be like you in some way — not only in arts, mind you. The way you treat others has always fascinated me. You're always so kind to everyone, and it is really what I wanna learn from you. Your patience is what I never fully understood (only cuz of my anger issues ngl), but what I always wanted to have. And you still inspire me to become a better version of myself, even after all these years. It really hurts me when you ask for what I love you, because there is indeed so much for what one might love you!!! It also hurt me when you said that you're not as perfect as I think you are.. because even at your lowest you're still the most astonishing, the most astounding girl ever known to humanity. I swear, Aphrodite herself would envy you! You and your both inner and outer beauty. Your laughter, your eyes, your smile, your voice, your hair, your hands, your face, your thoughts, your mindset, your eloquence, your skills, your creativity, your ideas, your jokes, your sense of humor, your ability to notice the smallest details about everything around you, and especially things you love, your love and care towards both comfort characters and people around you — all that not only fascinates me, but also proves to me that my girlfriend really is a perfect person. YES, I KNOW THAT YOU'RE GONNA LIST YOUR FLAWS NOW, but who said that "perfection" = "absence of flaws"? Your flaws make you perfect as well, my darling. They show, that you're a real person, show, that you can also make mistakes and learn on them. Show, how determined you are to make up for what you've done wrong. I love you. Dearly. Literally teared up a few times while writing this-. Don't worry, those were tears of happiness, actually! Happiness and immense love towards you. Thank you for stealing my heart twice. And for allowing to steal yours <3. Please, never give me back my heart, it's all yours now, my Radiant Queen, my prettiest, the dearest thief. The one who always motivated me and will, for sure, motivate in the future. I'm afraid I won't be able to finish in time everything I planned to, but, trust me, you're gonna love what I'm working on <3. Mwah! Ich liebe Dich. I love You. Я Тебе кохаю. Я Тебя люблю. Мин Сине яратам. Please, never go bald, ehhehehe ^w^

- Your humble boyfriend 💘💘💘💋💋💋

Now yours- the best for last right?.. I got this ask yesterday literally the moment the clock turned 12 AM in my time zone- (I DO NOT APPROVE YOU STAYING AWAKE UNTIL LIKE 5AM YOU'RE RIGHT ON THIS ONE) but I could only find the strength to properly reply to this now because I wanted to give it justice it deserves (ngl I'm still tired it's been such an eventful day my social battery dies quickly-) because I CAN'T SKIP something like this-

This is just insane in the most positive way possible. You're doing so much for me I feel awkward- if only I could express the half of affection you give to me because it's just so much- I don't think I ever felt this appreciated it still shocks me how much you do and write love letters for me- Seriously I'm so lucky I have no idea how I got a person like you to be my bf?? Still can't comprehend this.

Seriously- You're being too kind and sweet it's kind of hard to believe you view me like this- YEAH I DON'T FEEL PERFECT- but your words make me believe that maybe I am truly too hard on myself sometimes.. Thank you for all of this, I don't think I have enough words to express how thankful I am and how much I love you.. thank you sweetheart <3

You're literally the best mwah mwah 💞💞 THANK YOU FOR EVERY SINGLE WORD I LOVE YOU!!

[lesbicosmos]

happy one year of dead boy detectives!! ❤️🔎💙

incoming very long very sappy ramble about it:

it's always the shows you find while you're ill at home and just looking for something to make time go faster, huh?

see: me last june, suffering in bed because of a really bad chest infection and stumbling on a few tumblr posts about this silly ghost show, then deciding to watch it because i had nothing better to do, and needed something to distract me from feeling like shit.

i knew ten minutes into watching episode one that this show would become a fixation - and a big one. but even that is such an understatement of how much i love this show and how much it means to me.

i've been in many fandoms over the years, gone through many phases of a movie or a tv show taking over my life and personality for weeks or months at a time but i don't think any of them have stuck with me as much as dead boy detectives. sure if you mention any of my past interests i'll get really excited and mentally dust them off, but this one hasn't had the time to gather the dust in the first place. i'm also always desperate for everyone i know to watch whatever it is my brain is fixated on at any time, but i fear i annoyed my friends and family more than ever with this one, i'll still bring it up in conversation whenever i can

i've always been more of a character-oriented person than a plot person - even if a piece of media has a plot that barely makes sense, i will obsess over it if it has good characters. and this show has SUCH good characters. they're all so unique and every one is relatable in some strange way. and, of course, the queer representation is everything to me. it's SO queer without feeling performative about it. so many of the characters are queer and that aspect of their character is an intrinsic part of who they are as a person without it being their only trait. i only hope future shows take notes. no show has ever really had characters that resonated with me as much as these ones, especially the core four. and bonus! it has brilliant plot writing, too!!

and of course the cast and crew are all just as brilliant. i love when you can just tell the people involved in a show had a genuine passion and genuinely loved working on it. that's evident in every part of dead boy detectives, and the cast interactions that still happen even a year later.

this fandom is hands down one of the kindest most welcoming ones i've ever been in: the fandom events (i ran one myself and co-ran another!! i've never been that involved with a fandom before and it was so much fun), the meta commentary, the fics, the fanart - and the people. i only joined the dbda haunt discord a couple months ago but it's already one of my favourite online places to be and the people i've met on there are all absolutely wonderful, i love you all sm <3

the inspiration this show has given me to write fanfic has been INSANE. i've written before, but i've never had this many ideas i'm so desperate to write down. i still have so many that haven't been written yet!!

okay this post is long and i'm rambling but i just love this show so much and even though we've now had twice as much time since the cancellation as there was before it, i'm in awe of how much the fandom has arguably grown since then. i'll never stop fighting to get this show back, but even if we don't, i'm forever grateful for what we've got and the people i've met and become mutuals with because of it, and i truly believe no one will ever be able to stop us keeping this show alive - no pun intended

happy one year dead boy detectives, can't wait to see what the fandom brings over the next one <33

[ferns-shenanigans]

I have cystic fibrosis which comes with fun clinic visits every three months (seriously, I’ve had one every three months since I was a baby) and I had one today. It’s still weird going with just my sister and I (my sister also has CF) and no parents, but I’ve been doing it since I moved out at 19 so logically I should be used to it by now.

Everything was good, my PFT’s (pulmonary lung function test) were good, my CF primarily affects my pancreas and digestive system (not counting the time between the ages of 13 to 17/18 where I was in the hospital every three months with a lung infection). I also had to get tested for cf-related diabetes (something I get done every year) which isn’t fun since I have to get poked twice and drink a really sugary liquid between draws, and then wait two hours to get labs drawn again. Those were the two highlights of this visit.

In about a year I’m transferring over to the adult side, something that scares me because I have to let go of a care team that has been with me since I was seven. They know me, know my history and struggles, and I see the same five people over and over again, so I’m not really looking forward to changing next year. It’s weird to think I’ve known these people for over half my life, and one day I will never see them again yet they’ve done so much for me. Maybe when the time comes I’ll make them each something (if it’s allowed) to thank them, even though I know they’re just doing their jobs it still means a lot to me.

I’ve been relatively lucky with my cf, something I’m very grateful for, and though I’ve still had my fair share of trauma my life has never been in danger. In the last decade they’ve come out with new drugs to treat it, called CFTR modulators, one of which I’m on (called Kalydeco). Cystic fibrosis is a rare genetic condition which causes the body to create thick, sticky mucus in the organs leading to things like pancreatic insufficiency and frequent lung and sinus infections, along with malnutrition often leading to the need of a feeding tube, it can also cause something called CFRD (CF related diabetes). Two people with cf cannot be within six feet of each other to prevent the spread of germs, leading to a sense of isolation (luckily online and virtual support groups exist).

The government does not fund the research for cf, and yet they’ve come a long way in the treatment of it. It took me a long time to accept the need for Kalydeco, something I’ve delved into plenty of times with my therapist, but I’m thankful for it. I’ve been able to gain around 20 pounds since starting it and get my g-tube (feeding tube) removed. I also haven’t been in the hospital in over a year and will likely never need sinus surgery again. Cf will never go away, but the life expectancy has gone way up since the creation of CFTR modulators and is no longer considered a terminal illness in people who are being born with it nowadays. I could go on and on about this disease but I won’t, I’ve explained it too many times to count, but what I want from this post is for at least one person to learn something.

[yeonzzzn]

👑why is it so heavy?: choi soobin

pairing: soobin x afab!reader word count: 3.2k

synopsis: what is heavier than the burdens of being a princess with normal princess duties being forced to marry a man you do not want or have anything to do with? the heaviness of seeing the prince you want being forced to marry a woman he also does not want. what’s even heavier? the weight of not being able to do anything about it.

genre: royalty!soobin, royalty!reader, arranged marriage, forbidden love, modern day royalty au.

warnings: swearing, cheating, one make out session, mentions of sex, one d!ath joke, no happy ending.

You stared at him. Watching the way his hair parted perfectly and shaped his face. How his smile which showed how bright his teeth were, was enough to melt your heart. 

His cream-colored royal jacket with golden buttons and wave design covering his chest and torso made his tanned skin glow perfectly. His tailor really knew what colors looked and matched him beautifully. 

He shook hands with the king of the neighboring country, giving him a soft bow. 

You couldn’t hear what they were speaking, but that didn’t stop you from tilting your head to give your ear a better listen, even though it didn’t work. 

His eyes finally met yours, his already perfect smile growing even wider at the sight of you. 

But your smile faded seeing his future wife wrap her around tightly around his waist, causing his attention to be brought to her. His smile wasn’t as wide when smiling at her, but it was still perfect all the same. 

He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, her giggles being heard from where you stood. 

Prince Soobin, the man of your dreams. Love of your life. Someone you couldn’t have. 

You turned around, your hands gripping your royal blue gown. 

“Princess,” your caretaker softly said, “You’ll ruin your gown, be more gentle.” 

You adored your caretaker, she’s been with you since you were born. Was there when your mother gave birth to you and watched you grow up and even taught you everything you know. She even knew your secrets, and god bless her for keeping them. 

She leads you down the hall, taking you to meet your father for your daily lunch in the garden. 

If only you saw how saddened the prince's eyes became when you turned your back towards him, watching as you turned the corner and disappeared. 

—

“Princess,” Soobin sang, peeking around the pillar you stood at. 

The prince was no longer in his princely outfit. Now he wore light blue jeans, black Converse, a white button-up shirt with a black tie, and a brown jacket. 

It was what he liked to call his “normal people fit.” You had to admit, you preferred seeing him like this. Without all the royal glamor. Just normal. No titles. Or the reminders. 

Soobin also preferred you in “normal people outfits.” Mostly the one you’re wearing right now. The dark blue skinny jeans with white sneakers, a soft pink tank top, and a cream cardigan. It made his heart flutter. 

You tilted your head up and smiled at him, the moonlight making his brown eyes pop beautifully. 

“Come here,” he whispered, his hand reaching around your waist and pressing your body to his. Lips connecting to yours immediately. 

You’ve known Soobin your entire life. Your families are really close, both your fathers being lifelong best friends. 

You lived in the neighboring country and only took visits to see the royal Choi family when your father had time, which only happened twice to three times a year. 

But darkness fell to your country, forcing you and your family to flee. The Choi family took you in with no questions asked. Your father was grateful. 

The war happening on your territory was brutal, your family worried you would never be able to return. But alas the war ended a couple of years after. But obviously, your family never returned home. 

King Choi extended his home to your family, setting a good deal with your father for the two of them to just rule over this kingdom together. Your father accepted. 

You were so young when you fled your country, you barely remember what it even looked like. Your older siblings on the other hand, unfortunately, have to deal with that darkness for the rest of their lives.

So you grew up in the Choi’s castle. You weren’t super close with Soobin at first. You both were super shy and always hid behind your parents or siblings when forced to interact with each other. But as time went on, the two of you dropped the shy act and finally became friends. 

Soobin at the age of twelve was then sent off to a boarding school, following in the footsteps of his two older siblings did at that age. 

He was gone for years, not returning home until he was twenty. 

You were in the middle of your studies at the local cafe in town (that you ultimately snuck out to do) when the word got around that Prince Soobin had returned home after eight years. 

You rushed back to the castle, sneaking in through the garden and into your bedroom window, quickly changing into a nice dress and rushing out to greet him in the royal dining hall. 

The first thing you noticed was how much taller he was, your once best friend sprouted up. He filled perfectly into his body and you could tell he took into working out. His jawline was so sharp you swore it could cut into diamonds. He grew up nicely. 

To say that everything was back to normal would be a lie. Soobin was like a whole different person. He was a man, and oh goodness did he send butterflies in your belly. 

Your attraction didn’t go unnoticed by him. No, no, Soobin noticed the moment you two locked eyes again for the first time in eight years. He saw how your pupils dilated, how your chest raised and fell when you looked at him. The unease in your breath when you spoke to him. It sets emotions in place with you that he hasn’t ever felt before. 

Of course, when Soobin was away he had his fair share of other females to fit his needs, but none of them had that one thing he wanted. And all it took was locking eyes with you again after all these years to see you were what he always wanted. 

Soobin and you spent more time together than you normally did as kids. Sneaking out of the castle or into each other's bedrooms at night. It was obvious the two of you felt something. 

He’d steal quick kisses from you in passing during his and your royal duties. Passing notes to you in the halls with times and where to meet him next. 

Soobin filled your heart so quickly. Becoming your first of everything. 

You remember the night he laid you gently on the grass under the moonlight hidden in the corner of the garden. His hands softly undressed you until you were completely bare to him. Your hands help undress him. 

His hands felt so gentle against your skin as he touched you. He touched you with such passion, with so much love. 

The way his bare skin felt against yours sent you into heaven as his hips rolled into yours, biting the edge of his shoulder to keep your moans from getting too loud. 

Your secret relationship was beautiful, perfect, and filled with so much love and care. The two of you were finally ready to come forward about your relationship of almost a year. 

Unfortunately, that wouldn’t happen. 

Both your fathers had other plans. King Choi found the “perfect match” for his son, announcing the arranged marriage. And your father, bless his dear heart, found a suitor for you as well, arranging a marriage for you as well. 

Soobin remembered clenching his fist and yelling at his father at the dinner table that night. You sat silently beside him, eyes locked onto your plate of food. 

“And what if I don’t want to marry?!” Soobin snapped, his fists slamming on the table. 

“And that’s something you can’t control!” the king fired back, “It’s already been done. We didn’t send you off for eight years to enhance your languages and studies for nothing!” 

That angered Soobin even more, “So I am just some thing to be sent off for your own personal gain?!” 

The king sat quietly. Soobin’s mother also sat quietly, her hands in her lap. 

Your family also said nothing. Eyes glancing between the Choi family. 

“You’ll be wed by the age of twenty-four,” his father finally said, “You’ll be meeting your princess in two days. Fix your attitude before then.” 

Soobin said nothing and stormed out of the dining room. 

You were also to be wedded off by twenty-four. You were a couple of months younger than Soobin, meaning you’d be the one to watch him get married off first. 

It’s been two years since that conversation. Soobin was scheduled to be married off shortly after he turned twenty-four in December. Only seven months away. 

You and Soobin kept secretly seeing each other, only now you had to be even more careful than before. 

Soobin’s future wife moved into the castle shortly after they met. Thank god she had her own room though. 

You also met your future husband not too long after the other princess moved in. He was sweet, nice, very caring, could sing, rap, dance, and was a big ramen enthusiast. He looked at you like you put the stars in the sky. 

Unfortunately for him, you wanted nothing to do with him. A friendship, maybe? But nothing more. Soobin felt the same for his princess. She was sweet, and nice, could also sing and dance, and was even a painter. But he could only take so much being around her. 

You two had to fake it until you made it. Praying that one day your families call off the whole thing to begin with. But with only a handful of months left, it was clear your fathers weren’t changing their minds. 

Which just brings you two where you are now. 

Standing in your spot in the garden that overlooked the city below. Soobin’s hands slid up and down your body as he pressed you between him and the pillar. 

His tongue twisted around yours, mixing your salvia together. He rolled his hip into you, feeling his hard length against your stomach, “You never fail to get me so hard,” he whispered against your lips. 

You couldn’t help but giggle, “Now now my love, princes don’t speak so naughty like that,” 

Soobin smiled against your lips, “Can’t help it when you make me feel this way.” 

Soobin always had a small crush on you even as children, it was why he was so shy at the beginning. He took that small crush with him even when he was abroad, thinking maybe that’s why it never worked out with the other females he dated. 

But when he came back home and saw how grown up you become, the way your hair was so much longer, how your body filled out to its curves. The way your breasts look perfect no matter the outfit or dress you wore. You were a woman, a woman he wanted to ruin and keep only for himself. 

Soobin loved you, so so very much. You held his heart in his hands and held the very power to crush it at your will. 

You pulled away from his lips, leaning your head back against the pillar, “Want to hold me while we look at the stars?” 

Soobin kissed your forehead, his hands now resting on your hips, “Anything for you, my princess.” 

Soobin sat on the grass, his back against the pillar and your back against his chest. His hands are wrapping around you tightly. 

You two sat in silence, your head resting against his neck as he was on top of your head. 

“Have you had sex with her yet?” you don’t know what caused you to even ask that question. But with only several months left until Soobin was to be wed to her, your curiosity got the best of you. 

Due to the fact you're both arranged to be married to two separate people, you’ve both spent most of your time with your fiancés if you weren’t busy with normal royal duties. 

“YN…” he said, his arms now falling at his side, “We don’t have to do this.” 

You knew you didn’t. But your brain wouldn’t settle down until the question was answered. 

“I know,” you whispered, “I’m just asking.” 

Soobin bit his lip, leaning his head back against the pillar, “It happened for the first time the other night. She snuck into my room.” 

You just nodded. You weren’t mad or even jealous. You understood it was bound to happen. They’ll be married in months. And if Soobin shrugged her off it would be suspicious. 

“You and Yeonjun?” his shaky voice asked, “Have you?” 

You didn’t lie, just gave him a small nod, “Last night. I wasn’t feeling good and he brought me some tea and read my favorite book to me. It kinda just happened.” 

It would take everything Soobin had to not throw a punch at Yeonjun the next time he sees him. 

But same as you, Soobin understood there was no choice in the matter. Both of you fought your parents until the bitter end and nothing changed. You had to accept your fates. 

“No one can pleasure you like me though,” he said, wrapping his arms back around you, “Only I can.” 

You just rolled your eyes and leaned back into him. He was right, but hearing him act so cocky was silly to you. Soobin knew he was it for you. 

“YN,” he said with a kiss to your temple, “Let’s run away together.” 

You giggled, “That’s a funny joke, where would we even go?” 

Soobin just shrugged, “Anywhere you wanted. We could get away from all this. Live normal lives.” 

As tempting as that was, you knew your fathers would stop at nothing to bring you both home. You’d both be found out and permanently forced away from each other. It would cause too much trouble. You both knew it. 

“Bin,” you whispered, “You know we can’t.” 

He did know. And it killed him. Oh, the things he’d do to have a normal life with you. To leave behind this royalty bullshit. To give up his titles and money and status. He didn’t care. He just wanted you. 

“What if we just, ya know,” you shrugged, “Suddenly die in each other's arms?” it was a joke obviously, Soobin knew it too by the chuckle that left his mouth. 

“You mean like Romeo and Juliet?” Soobin couldn’t help but chuckle again, “That was such a depressing death though.” 

You giggled with him, “At least, we’d be together in the afterlife.” 

Soobin nodded, “Still a terrible way to go out, the way they did.” 

Your phone vibrating in your pocket pulled you back to reality. 

Soobin sighed, “It’s Yeonjun, isn’t it?” 

You nodded. You didn’t have to check to know that it was in fact Yeonjun. He probably went to your room and saw you weren’t there and was looking for you. 

“You should go,” he whispered, standing up from behind you, “What will you tell him?” 

Soobin helped you to your feet, dusting off the grass from the back of your legs, “That I was in the library or something. I don’t know yet.” 

Soobin just nodded, his hands cupping your face and crashing his lips to yours for the final time for tonight. 

“I love you, my princess,” he whispered between kisses.

“I love you too, my sweet prince,” you whispered back, pulling yourself away from him, his hands lingering on your hands as you walked away and his fingertips met with yours and then were gone, watching you quickly rush back inside the castle. 

—

The months flew by quicker than you wanted. Yeonjun sat beside you, his fingers rubbing against yours, “This is a very beautiful wedding venue,” he said, eyes wandering around, taking in the building and its Greek architecture as the snow fell outside and covered the windows, “I hope our wedding will be this beautiful or even better.” 

You just smiled at him and nodded, “I’m sure it will be,” 

Yeonjun couldn’t hold back his smile and leaned forward to press a quick kiss to your lips, “I can’t wait to marry you next week.” 

You tried to pull the most genuine smile you could, hoping he wouldn’t see the lies that were beneath it. 

How could you be happy right now? The love of your life was going to walk through those doors at any minute and wait for his fiancé. They’d be married soon and everything between you and Soobin would come to an end officially. 

The moment you dreaded finally happened. Soobin walked in, everyone gawking at how handsome he looked, asking if he was ready and nervous. 

If you didn’t know Soobin, you would think he was actually happy right now. But since you do, you could tell he was bullshitting his whole way through this. The sadness in his eyes and the way he looked at you with Yeonjun was proof enough as it was. 

Soobin walked over to you, Yeonjun quickly standing up to shake his hand, “Congrats, man. You’ll be a great husband, I know it!” 

You tried to not roll your eyes at your fiancé’s comment. Yeonjun knew you and Soobin were best friends and he tried so hard since moving into the castle to befriend Soobin too. Saying you’d all be a group of best friends soon enough. 

Let’s just say Yeonjun is still working on that. Soobin wasn’t giving him the time of day in that department. 

All Soobin did was nod and give Yeonjun a fake smile, his eyes darting to you, “You better be a good husband for her. She deserves the world.” 

Yeonjun quickly nodded, placing a hand on your back, “I’ll take good care of her, don’t you worry.” 

Soobin took one last glance between you two and walked away. 

“He looks nervous,” Yeonjun whispered as he sat back down. 

No, he just doesn’t like you because you get to marry me and he doesn’t and he’s being forced to marry someone he doesn’t want. 

The famous wedding music started playing, and your heart nearly stopped. 

The wedding went by quickly, the final vows being told, and Soobin and his princess officially being confirmed as husband and wife. The crowd clapped and cheered. 

Soobin took one final look at you, his eyes telling you how much he loved you for the last time before leaning in to kiss his now wife. 

You looked down at the floor, hands going limp in your laps. 

Yeonjun noticed you, him touching her back, “Baby, what’s wrong? Are you feeling okay?” 

You shook your head, quickly standing up after hearing the rest of the crowd stand as well. 

Except you were the first to leave your seat and quickly leave the venue. 

Soobin’s eyes followed you the whole way, his heart breaking into a million pieces. 

You stepped out into the cold, letting the snow fall onto you. You cried. You let the tears fall and your knees buckle down to the ground, your dress soaking up the wet from the snow. 

Soobin was no longer yours. 

And the weight of that was heavy. 

Why is it so heavy? You weren’t meant for each other in the end. 

So why was it so heavy? 

Why is everything so heavy?

[acquired-stardust]

Special Feature: Vana'diel - Digital Archaeology in 2025 and the Soul of Adventure (Final Fantasy XI, 2002)

Acquired Stardust is back after a long hiatus from writing with this special feature! Want to know what we've been up to over the holidays? Click through to read Ash's long story about uncovering a living fossil and checking off a bucket list item together with Larsa through their adventures in Final Fantasy XI's Vana'diel!

The love of and desire for 'adventure', even vicariously, is something that has been etched into the very soul of humanity from the earliest stages of our history - the oldest surviving literary narrative, Sumer's Epic of Gilgamesh, is over four thousand years old. From the time written language came into being we have dreamed of stories of great heroes roaming the land, contending with crisis and gods in equal measure.

The subject of today's feature is a series that itself often hearkens back to the Epic of Gilgamesh with abundant references throughout its now 16 mainline entries and countless spinoffs, and to really understand it in context is difficult given just how much the world has changed since the release of Final Fantasy XI in 2002 (arriving in America two years later). So different in fact it almost sounds like another world itself.

The early aughts were an incredible time to grow up, and it's one of the times in my life I've personally felt a sense of adventure most strongly. As a child of the first generation to grow up with easy access to computers in the home it felt like a time of infinite possibilities. Large numbers of emergent technologies and innovations had begun to rapidly change youth culture as well as erode the old order of isolated regional cultures. The rollout of broadband 'high speed' internet in 2001 to my area was a huge deal, finally breaking upstate New York out of dial-up internet limitations now unimaginable. Video games and the hardware on which they ran got infinitely more complex. Media from Japan continued its controlled flow into the west as anime like Dragon Ball Z left its indelible mark on my generation.

Somewhere in this confluence of rapidly expanding technology and rapidly shrinking cultural borders I found myself coming of age. Growing up in upstate New York with Knox's Headquarters quite literally in my backyard gave me an early love of history, but growing up a 'latchkey kid' afforded me control of my own time - I could do what I wanted when I wanted to do it all with minimal, if any, supervision. I was able to throw myself into whatever pursuit I wanted to without anyone looking over my shoulder, to decide for myself what I was interested in and who I was to become. The opportunity to find myself on my own is one I'm eternally grateful for, and to have done it in a time before far-right pipelines were anywhere near as omnipresent as they are now was a real blessing.

How this shaped up was, unsurprisingly, that I played a lot of primarily Japanese video games and watched a lot of anime. But in the early aughts there was still a comparatively very slow trickle of those things available in the west, and I was drawn primarily to two outlets that could expand my awareness of them. One was Cartoon Network's [Adult Swim] brand which would become a huge cultural player in itself and is perhaps a story for another time. The other was twice-defunct television channel G4, focused largely around video game programming such as documentaries in its series Icons and even airing thematically structured compilations of trailers, cutscenes and gameplay with Cinematech.

My love for history really blossomed in this period into complete obsession with hobbies. History was in my backyard, but it was also everywhere and In every little thing. And there were so many more 'little things' than I had ever previously known. The world was far bigger than I had ever imagined. There was always something new to see, each with its own universe of things to know about it. It was like surfing an incredible alternative cultural wave, topping the peak alongside countless other misfit kids of the Bush years. It's an experience unlike many others I've had in my life, and an incredibly special time that I will never forget. It created innumerable core memories, sometimes even from the slightest of things. One such core memory leads us directly to today's article.

The day itself was not unlike any other. I'd arrived home from school to an empty apartment and sat myself in front of the TV to spend my time on what I really wanted to be studying. As the aforementioned program Cinematech aired a rerun of one of its regular episodes I was caught off guard by a commercial for the then-upcoming Final Fantasy XI. It was a quick 30-second spot, but utterly arresting to someone who had up until that point (and indeed to this day) been completely obsessed with Final Fantasy. The game itself looked like one of the coolest things I'd ever seen, but the narration and logo noting that the game was 'online' blew my mind at the time. While certainly not the first Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game, it was the first one I'd personally encountered and the prospect of being able to interact with other Final Fantasy fans within the specific context of a Final Fantasy game rather than discussion of it was extremely tantalizing.

But there were a lot of questions to be asked. What was an online game? How did an online adapter work and how much did it cost? You'd have to pay a monthly subscription to play it? And what exactly was an HDD, anyway? Rather than deal with the hassle of answering these questions (which were likely to be met with a swift and completely understandable 'no' when the inevitable monetary costs were discussed) I drifted away into other areas of my hobbies. But the core memory of seeing this game for the first time had stayed with me all these years, and Final Fantasy XI had become something of a white whale to me. A game I'd always wanted to experience but never had the time or extra money for. An opportunity I missed out on, a time and place I should have been in. Part of that great cultural wave I should've surfed.

Larsa and I discussed getting into the game almost every year we've known each other (note: that's a long time) and always ultimately decided against it as we were already busy enough. That all changed in the later days of 2024 when we finally took the plunge and bought the game on Steam, a bundle containing all of the expansions for the game as well as a free 30 day subscription.

There are no two ways about it, Final Fantasy XI is extremely antiquated. In fact it's a game so old that it was released before Squaresoft even became Square-Enix. Setup of the game's PlayOnline launcher, notoriously referred to as 'the first boss of the game', is a pain and can alone filter out many looking to experience the game proper and we admittedly ran into a snag or two that at first did not look good for our future with it. But managing to make it through the initial hurdles was rewarded almost immediately precisely because the game is so antiquated. The PlayOnline launcher is a living fossil reminiscent of an earlier, intermediary intersection of culture and technology - a less connected world without social media or smartphones. Built-in mail services, profiles with information sections like hobbies, 129 pages of selectable avatars many of which from then-contemporary Square games such as Threads of Fate (1999), Ehrgeiz (1998) and Brave Fencer Musashi (1998) as well as other Final Fantasy games. It presents a shared language and collective frame of reference for culture of the era with the inclusion of some of those games that are now functionally extinct.

The PlayOnline launcher feels like walking the hallowed halls of not just a museum, but a genuine slice of time rather than a recreation or kayfabed reenactment. It feels like walking through a time portal directly to the transitional period between web 1.0 and 2.0. Absolutely remarkable to the point that I felt speechless fiddling around in its menus, its ability to remain untouched by modernization is nothing short of astounding. They say that you can never truly get your childhood back but the PlayOnline launcher feels like it manages to genuinely capture the way the world, and indeed the way we, were at the time. Like returning home after two-plus decades away only to discover everything is exactly the same as you left it.

There's a real sense of peace, wonder and belonging unlike much I've ever felt before. It was like spotting land from ocean and I was simply overcome with emotion. Overcome with the sudden acute awareness of loss, and having managed to regain some of what was lost. Overcome with the feeling of many people, each with their own lives as complex as my own, having tread these same halls over the course of what was now decades. Fiddling around with the launcher was genuinely one of the most surreal and vivid experiences of my life. And the absolute whirlwind of nostalgia wasn't through with me yet, the opening scene of the game featuring the iconic Uematsu-composed Prelude and narration by the actor who first made me want to get into the arts in Michael McConnohie. The game's English cast in general features many actors who defined that generation of voice acting and adds to the overall feeling of being a moment trapped in time.

Players are able to create one singular character (with the option to purchase more character creation slots for an additional fee), selecting from different playable races with their own distinct physical features, stat advantages and disadvantages. Character creation is rather limited by current standards, with each playable race having two 'genders', each having a number of preset faces and hairstyles. You are able to alter your character's height, but that is all the player can do in terms of customization beyond selecting preset faces and hairstyles, which are themselves tied to each other. The playable races are by and large the same initial races available in Final Fantasy XIV, though I find the Mithra preferable to XIV's Miqo'te as they're a bit more bestial and less anime catgirl. Much of the aesthetic is also rather similar to XIV, with plenty of recurring gear visuals recycled into XIV (along with plenty of monsters), though some of the cloth armor is more elaborate and creative as opposed to XIV's deluge of generic healer robes you will be inundated with. After creating your character you select one of three nations to hail from, each with their own storyline that ultimately converges by the time the final battle of the base game rolls around.

Larsa and I (playing Mithra and Tarutaru, respectively) embarked on Windurst's story, and the antiquated nature of the game is felt pretty much immediately. There are no quest markers and very little information about where to go or what to do, or even how. You will be thrown right into the deep end and expected to find your own way and make your own adventure. Maps are invaluable items able to be purchased by players for most of the game's expansive and sometimes rather empty areas, otherwise they will be flying blind. Which can be very troublesome but helps the overall feeling of an adventure being undertaken. It helps you connect more with the world and learn where things are. Roughly the first thirty hours of gameplay was spent exclusively on leveling our characters, figuring out the battle system and exploring, without nearly a single story scene due to focusing on experiencing the game naturally rather than following one of countless sometimes variously outdated guide.

On that front, the gameplay is certainly of a very slow pace for better or worse. Battles are menu-based like classic Final Fantasy games as opposed to the more modern action game style, and players' main form of damage in combat will be through auto attacks against creatures that for the first time appear in the world rather than as separate random encounters one loads into. These auto attacks can be quite quick (with some of the quicker classes being able to land more than one blow per attack) although some weapons will attack significantly slower. Actions taken during battle charge a TP meter that the player will be able to spend on 'weaponskills', damaging named attacks with their own built-in typing that can react to and resonate with other weaponskills resulting in an even more damaging 'skillchain', itself being further able to be paired with a magic spell for a 'magic burst' that applies even more escalating damage.

Figuring this system out is fun and can considerably speed up combat, and is another area in which the game encourages experimentation, rewarding those willing to invest time in tinkering with the game's six basic jobs (the player is able to freely swap to any of these basic jobs, and later the many advanced jobs as they are unlocked, in their housing) and multitude of available weapon types. Jobs are additionally able to be expanded through combination, assigning another unlocked job as a sub job that grants you access to that job's abilities, stats and gear in addition to those of your main job.

The pace of the game being rather slow works in its favor in regards to how its multitude of mechanics function together. It feels like every single action and event matters. Status effects such as poisoning, silencing and blinding can now turn the tide of battle one way or the other. MP, which the player uses primarily to cast spells, recovers extremely slowly and so their use of it must be carefully managed lest they be forced to literally sit down for minutes at a time to rest and recover. Items such as potions and ethers are incredibly valuable as a consequence of this. There is genuinely so much room for skill expression, planning and executing battles and it's very refreshing compared to many modern games.

The system itself, while deep and rewarding of knowledge, also has lots of little touches that help keep the experience from being excruciating. One example is the cursor memory effect that allows you to quickly recast spells and abilities as needed. Just as well in the years since release the game has seen the addition of the Trust system, an array of collectable NPC summons that scale to the player's level and fill multiple roles in the party that helps mitigate the declining playerbase and the large variance in levels and progress between the players that do still play.

These Trusts are able to be summoned at nearly any time and resummoned after falling in battle on a short timer, and they really help the experience of progressing through the game a ton. Speaking of timers and the overall pace of the game, it seems to be a recurring and somewhat intrusive element of the experience that you will likely have an opinion on one way or the other. On the one hand it makes actions matter tremendously, and on the other it can sometimes feel like every action including map traversal is stretched in hopes of milking players for subscription money.

Time gates themselves are not terribly uncommon to run into, with the quest that unlocks the samurai job featuring a several-hour real world wait associated with it that is wholly unnecessary. Final Fantasy XI is very much unafraid to make you spend your time with things like RNG drops for quests and conditional monster spawns. Some of this design philosophy also crept its way into the original version of Final Fantasy XIV, the notorious 1.0 that nearly spelled financial doom for Square-Enix after a turbulent period.

The base game's story scenes are few and far between, with a certain level of gravitas to the fade-to-black that comes with a cutscene due in part to that infrequency but just as much with how purposefully they are interspersed. The story itself is, at least at first, a bit simplistic and reminiscent of a rather vanilla Dungeons and Dragons campaign. Which works in the game's favor quite well as a platform for authentic and spontaneous adventure.

To that point, each job has roles to play in a party and depending on the situation you may find yourself in need of another player to help you through a particular challenge. While the majority of this can be mitigated through Trusts or clever uses of items such as Prism Powder to sneak by aggressive monsters, it is entirely possible for you to be stuck at various points if you don't already meet the qualifications or have another player on hand able to help you.

This was a particularly fascinating element of the experience to me and highlighted some of the ways in which culture has changed. While it is true that this is yet another way in which the experience can be stretched out, it hearkens back to some of the origins of the series in its obsession with Dungeons and Dragons. There are ample opportunities for 'hero moments', not all of which will be yours and yours alone. These days if we're holding the controller we want to feel like the hero at all times, but Final Fantasy XI is not afraid to give different people in your party the chance to shine at different times which very much feels in line with the tabletop roleplaying experience.

As a consequence of things taking so long it creates a real, genuine feeling of thankfulness for the players having their hero moments. The gratitude can really help forge some bonds among players which isn't necessarily something we collectively like doing anymore. Much of the design of the game facilitates a great sandbox for authentic adventure and is almost entirely player driven outside of the main story quest.

The sound design is also quite strong, with a strong team of composers including series veteran Nobuo Uematsu handling the game's staggering workload. There's a lot of standout songs, such as "Heavens Tower", but even those without direct experience with the game might be familiar with the Uematsu-composed "Ronfaure" which has been a fixture of live performances associated with the series at large for virtually as long as there have been such concerts. Plenty of nostalgic nods to previous games aurally help the game feel more connected to its predecessors as well, such as certain classifications of armor sounding identically to Final Fantasy IX party member Adelbert Steiner's armor when running.

The graphics variously hold up quite well. Character designs are largely strong (with many feeling right at home in this era of Square game) and much of the clothing design is pretty good as well, not featuring (to my knowledge) as many of the deviations that Final Fantasy XIV does with, for example, its recent 'streetwear' additions to the game. It's a rather cohesive aesthetic that looks somewhat like a cross between Final Fantasy Tactics and Final Fantasy XII. Geometry can be a bit blocky and skyboxes can be a bit splotchy, but there is still plenty in the way of beautiful vistas and cool sights to see even if they're roughly what a PS2 was capable of rendering (sometimes with great dips in frame rate on that system).

When launching the game it warns you to not play to the detriment of your real life, and when launching for the first time I assumed that a funny little quirk of when it was released and the relative unfamiliarity the world had with MMOs in a time before Blizzard's genre-defining World of Warcraft. This is not the case, and if the gameplay grabs you it is extremely easy to play for huge amounts of time without noticing it. We did not heed this warning and making our way through the base game took roughly 98 hours, mostly taking up just about all of our free time.

The game is also great about allowing the player to make lateral progress, which is to say grinding up various jobs to combine with each other, and not feeling like you've wasted your time despite making no forward progress through the game. It is shockingly addictive if the gameplay appeals to you. Final Fantasy XIV, clearly a spiritual successor of sorts to Final Fantasy XI, indeed recycles quite a bit of its predecessor but impressively many of the elements that do get rolled into XIV don't all necessarily feel like they've made their original incarnations irrelevant.

One particular highlight of the experience was the usage of a ferry that shuttles players between two locations in the world. Said boat's arrival must be waited for in real time, boarded and then rode for a trip that takes several minutes in real time. This ferry trip is not privately instanced and can see you bumping shoulders with other players also looking to make the trek aboard the ship. It was just one of many examples of the game design going to great lengths to encourage organic, player-driven sandboxy adventures where you're able to socialize rather easily.

Both games have tons to offer and there is plenty of reason to dip your toes into Final Fantasy XI to experience an incredible slice of history, all the more now with the Rhapsodies of Vana'diel storyline helping catch newer players up and Final Fantasy XIV featuring a crossover raid series with Final Fantasy XI. It is an incredibly large experience not meant to be pursued to 100% completion, so I urge you to pick your path carefully and divert only for what interests you, primarily for unlocking jobs to progress through the main story with. You will encounter plenty of outdated and dubious information on the internet for the game, with plenty of discussion dating back to 2007 being the last time things of a relevant nature were discussed in an easily findable way.

Vana'diel likely hasn't seen the last of Larsa and I, and I'm sure we'll resubscribe at some point to continue our adventure. Perhaps after reading some impressions of the experience in the current day you might decide take the plunge yourself. Rest assured, even now after all this time adventure indeed still courses through the veins of Vana'diel. And after all, hasn't adventure been what humanity has been chasing since time immemorial?

-- Ash

[svartalfhild]

ooo either 12 or 20 please :3

I'm going to see if I can combine these.

12. nervous embarrassment around them (blushing, fidgeting etc) 20. clumsy attempts at flirting

Rook didn't want to admit it to a single soul, living or dead, but she was completely out of her depth when it came to romance. It had always seemed like something other people did and usually only in novels.

She'd grown up in the Grand Necropolis where romantic love was the purview of the dead or grieving, and even amidst the Mourn Watch, well, she hadn't been social enough to witness romance in action between her colleagues. She'd always been strange, even for a Mourn Watcher, as the elf crypt foundling with ghostly white hair and eyes, and thus she'd always found it easier to befriend spirits than people.

Then she'd been cast out for her own safety. And Varric had taken her in, given her new purpose, and taken her all over Thedas. Even after a year, so much of the world and the intricacies of interpersonal relationships were new to her. She was a quick learner, though, and she liked to think she was a decent actor too, capable of pretending she was normal, even if she didn't exactly look it.

Varric and Harding had helped her a lot at first. They were gentle in correcting her blunders, for which she was eternally grateful. She still winced at the memory of the etiquette teacher she'd had growing up. Of course, that class had been meant to prepare young Watchers for behaving appropriately with the bereaved and the nobility. Common folk were a bit more forgiving, she'd found, as long as you were laid back, kind, and had a sense of humor. It worked really well for Varric and Harding, and it worked really well for her too, especially once she learned to stop casually using what Varric called "gold coin words" and mentioning anything to do with death or funerary practices.

After they'd come to the Lighthouse, though, things had changed. Rook was in charge now. Varric was bedridden, and she couldn't constantly be running off to the infirmary for advice he may not even have the energy to give. Harding was available, but Rook didn't want to disturb her too much, since she had a lot going on with the whole Titan magic thing. Rook just needed to toughen up and learn to handle things herself. She was a grown woman. She should be able to figure out social dynamics on her own, especially now that she knew she could rely on her positive attitude and helpful nature to deal with difficult situations.

Romance, though. That was a different animal, one she'd never thought she'd personally encounter. But then she'd met Emmrich, and all the work she'd done to appear socially competent just sort of went directly out the window. Or perhaps more accurately, right over the balcony of his beautifully appointed tower. He was just so...so...talented and knowledgeable and handsome and caring and dapper and well-spoken and generous and patient and...well, attractive. It didn't matter that he was twice her age. Her brain slid out her nose, skipped away, and left the building whenever he so much as said a nice thing to her. For some bizarre reason she did not yet understand, her gut reaction was to try to flirt with him, even though she had no practice at it, and her understanding of flirting was entirely based on things she'd read in fiction.

That being said, she felt she wasn't too bad at it. He hadn't reacted poorly to her flirting so far. In fact, though he often seemed surprised at first, he was always receptive. That didn't necessarily mean anything, though. For a while, she'd thought maybe he was just being kind and trying not to make her feel awkward because she was failing and he wasn't interested, but he still wanted to be friends with her. But then he'd told her he was interested and flirted with her so expertly that she'd been utterly swept away by it. And then he'd kissed her in the Memorial Gardens, and she knew she was so stupidly in love that there was absolutely no going back now.

So she kept at it.

One evening after returning from an excursion to Arlathan with Neve and Bellara, Rook snuck off towards Emmrich's tower while the others headed for the courtyard. She gave the door her unique little knock, and she heard his distant voice tell her to come in. She slipped inside and didn't see him in the immediate area of the study, so she nimbly climbed the spiral stairs to find him returning some books to the shelves.

"Hello," she greeted, trying to sound soft and a little sultry.

"Ah, Rook! How was your trip?" he responded cheerfully, tossing her a smile before shelving another book. She approached him in what she hoped was a casual manner. Was it always so warm in the tower? She didn't remember it ever being this warm. Her hands were sweating.

"Oh, you know. Magical. Like Arlathan always is." She gave a little chuckle, one which she hoped came across as charming and not nervous. Not that long ago, she would have just launched into a monologue about all the exciting magical phenomena she'd encountered in the forest, but these days, she was committed to being a bit more charismatic than that. "I got you something." She reached into the back of her cinch belt and pulled out a purple flower with a bent stem to hold it out to Emmrich. Her smile faltered when she noticed the bent stem, and she swallowed the swear that wanted to burst from her lips. Emmrich fully looked over at her after quickly sliding the last book into place, and a grin instantly spread across his distinguished features.

"Oh, how lovely! Cyclamen hederifolium! Thank you, darling!" He stepped closer to her and gently took the flower from her, his fingers brushing against hers and making her heart flutter.

"Sorry it's bent. I had to tuck it in my belt and I didn't notice until just now," Rook blurted out. Shit, that was awkward. She needed to find a way to recover. "I saw them while we were walking and thought of you, so I picked one," she added, attempting a casual lean against the nearest bookcase. Sure, that worked.

"How sweet," Emmrich replied, giving the bloom a sniff, his hazel eyes never leaving her as he did so. He then straightened the bend in the stem and swiped a fingertip over it. After a brief glow of green, the damage was repaired. "There. Nothing to trouble yourself over." Wow. She wished she knew how to do that. Maybe he could teach her. Oh, but as she watched him hold the flower, she realized he may not even have somewhere to put it. It wasn't a rose. It didn't have a long stem. He probably didn't have any pots small enough.

"I'll get a cup or something for you to put it in," she offered, straightening up and curling her fingers nervously.

"Ah." Emmrich halted her with the simple sound just as she began to turn to go, and stepped much closer to her, entering her space. "Not to worry, my dear. I know the perfect place for it," he told her softly before carefully tucking the purple cyclamen into her hair.

"O-Oh," she gasped, her ghostly pale cheeks instantly flushing pink. He brushed his fingertips down the side of her face when he was done, and she felt like she was going to melt into a puddle right then and there. Without even meaning to, she leaned closer to him, basking in the adoration that filled his gaze. "But the flower was for you," she said, her voice a little distant as she stared up at him.

"And I would like to see such a beautiful gift adorn the beautiful young woman who gave it to me." She gave him a dreamy smile at this, and her blush deepened.

"If that's what pleases you."

"It does indeed." Emmrich's fingers traced the edge of her jaw before settling under her chin and tilting her head up so he could easily lean down and kiss her.

Rook's last thought before all others abandoned her was that she must being doing this romance thing right if this was the result of her efforts.

[rinhaler]

The Root Of The Apple

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Why is Megumi at your parents house warming party? And why is he such a psycho? Daddy issues, of course!

boyfriend!yuuji itadori x f!reader x bully!megumi fushiguro

WARNINGS : 18+, panic attack, mental health issues, alcohol consumption, drug taking, bullying, drugging mention, bladder failure mention, marking mention, family drama. 

WORDS : 5.8k

notes : two years years with hindsight i should not have added toji bc i want to fuck him so desperately 😭

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Unlike your hellish few days, Megumi’s were uneventful. After he choked you in the club, he took a cab home. His sister Tsumiki was fussing over him, much to his chagrin. She asked how his night went, if he had a good time, if he kissed any girls. She thought she was hilarious, but Megumi found her to be nothing but a nuisance.

He hates that he was trapped with her until he finishes university, being unable to move out from under her over protective thumb is painful for him. Tsumiki is invasive, irritating, and too God damn happy. And what’s worse, she’s not his real sister. He’ll never think of her as such, to him, Tsumiki is a means to an end.

He hates her. He hates his whole God damn family. But right now, right in this exact moment…

There’s nobody he hates more than you.

While you were still in a drug infused sleep, Megumi’s Wednesday was different. He went on as if everything was normal, he got a ride to university from Tsumiki. It’s rare she has the time to take him since she is usually at work.

He found the entire day dull. It pained him to admit it to himself, but he supposes part of him missed you. He was blissfully unaware of your coma-like state, he smiled into the pencil he was chewing in his mouth as he imagined that you’re terrified to come back to school for fear of seeing him. It gave him a sick sort of power trip, knowing what he’d done to you, what he’s doing to you.

He’s sick.

But it’s okay that he’s sick, because he knows.

He knows he’s fucked up, and everything he’s doing to you is fucked up.

But Christ it’s fun.

Thursday is the same, although he’s grateful he gets to finish the school day earlier. But as he walks through the parking lot, he pauses when he doesn’t see Yuuji’s car in its usual spot. He didn’t think twice about it yesterday.

Of course perfect Yuuji would want to stay home and play the role of the doting boyfriend, protecting you from the big bad bully, wrapping you in cotton wool and shielding you from the world. But today is the second day Yuuji hasn’t been to school.

Megumi would never admit it out loud, but his blood ran cold at the thought that something terrible had happened.

He arrives home, his sister nowhere in sight. Megumi dumped his backpack and sprawled out on the couch. And against every voice in his head telling him not to, his resolve crumbles, and his thumbs involuntarily types your name into Facebook.

He couldn’t see much since you weren’t friends, but he thought he might be able to see if anyone had said something about what happened.

Alas, there was nothing.

He decides to try and put it to the back of his mind.

Within the hour, Tsumiki is home. She begins preparing dinner for the two of them. She waffles on about her boring, mundane workday. She hasn’t even realised that Megumi has his headphones on and is completely tuning her out. An eyebrow quirked on his face when a text came through to his phone.

Nina: Megumi omg baby we are in soooooo much trouble! 😳😟💘xxx

Megumi’s thumbs hover above the keyboard momentarily as he contemplates how he should reply. One thought ran through his mind.

Who the fuck is Nina?

It had to be one of those annoying sluts from his class. But was it the blonde or the redhead? They’re both practically the same save for the hair colour.

He can barely remember which one he fingered; he thinks it’s the blonde.

It had to be her, surely the other one wouldn’t be so bold as to call him baby. He shudders and gags as he thinks of the pet name. The more he debates formulating a reply, he opts to not bother.

Megumi technically didn’t do anything wrong.

Hours pass, it's close to 1am. Tsumiki never normally stays up this late, but she has the day off tomorrow and was enjoying watching movies with Megumi.

Well, she thought they were watching together.

Megumi is just in the room playing on his phone, pretending she didn’t exist, as usual. Just as he was about to go upstairs, the siblings both startle at the sound of an ominously loud knock. Tsumiki looks at him, as if to ask if he was expecting anyone. He shakes his head in response, so she gets up and looks through the peep hole.

She gasps, and opens the door quickly after she’d spotted who was outside.

Megumi isn’t ashamed to admit that his stomach drops when he realises the police are at his door. And the disappointed look in Tsumiki’s eyes as she hears them ask if Megumi Fushiguro is home make his insides churn. She welcomes them in, clearing space for them to sit on the sofa.

Megumi sits down next to her, she wraps an unwelcome arm around him, a sign of solidarity.

“There’s been a serious allegation made against you Megumi.” one of the officers speaks. Megumi hears his sister’s breath hitch, but he clears his throat and tries to remain calm.

“In regard to what? I’m not sure what you’re referring to.” he answers simply. The officers look at each other quickly before giving him their attention once again, as if they’ve already decided he's guilty.

“A classmate of yours has accused you and two others of drugging her in the early hours of Wednesday morning. Do you know anything about that?” the policeman asks. Megumi does his best to stay composed, shaking his head in response.

“Megumi would never—”

“Please don’t interrupted miss.” the other policeman speaks. Tsumiki bites her tongue as she sinks back in her seat. His attention focuses back on Megumi before he starts flipping through a notebook. “This young woman was in a terrible state. I won’t go into too many details, but she was publicly humiliated and has been unconscious for the last two days.” he explains. Megumi’s jaw bubbles as he tried to supress his emotions, Tsumiki’s hands cover her mouth in horror as her ears digest the information. She leans forwards timidly, as if to ask permission to speak.

“I- sorry, what do you mean by publicly humiliated?” she wonders.

The officer clears his throat, unsure whether he should say. The other nods, wanting to fill them in. Megumi knew their little game. They think if they tug at his heartstrings and make him feel guilty, his emotions will give him away. He didn’t know what happened after he left; he told the girls that the drug will be enough to make her embarrass herself.

“When she was discovered on the bathroom floor in the club, we were informed that she had urinated and vomited on herself on account of the drugging.” they explain.

Megumi has to do everything in his power to supress his laughter.

He knew you’d find a way to make a fool of yourself when it was in your system, but that really cut the cake.

“That’s awful.” Tsumiki says softly.

“As well as that,” the officer speaks again, commanding the sibling’s attention, “the t-shirt she’d worn that night appeared to be cut open with a pair of scissors. We could tell from the CCTV from the night of the incident that someone had written the word 'bitch' across her body. According to the woman’s partner it was written in lipstick.” he tells them.

Megumi managed to keep composed, although he was seething. Those idiot incompetent girls could be the undoing of him. He specifically told them that they had nothing else to do other than slip the pill in your drink. Their petty jealousy had clearly gotten the better of them, and it could fuck them all up well and truly.

Tsumiki gasps when she hears the final sentence from the officer. She assures them that Megumi could never do anything so horrible. They look at him, and he knew he had to speak.

“I don’t know anything about that. I left earlier than most, I got a cab. My sister was awake when I got back, and I’m sure the CCTV can prove that I wasn’t there.” he tells them calmly.

“How do you know you were gone before it happened?” the officer asks, feeling clever, feeling like he trapped Megumi in a lie.

“Because you said it was the early hours of Wednesday morning. I had left the club by 11:30pm, like I said, the CCTV will be able to prove I left early. This incident has nothing to do with me,” Megumi stands to his feet, knowing he’s won and has no interest in carrying on the discussion anymore. The policemen knew as well as he did that it was your word against his, he feels untouchable. “Whoever she is, I hope you can get some justice for her.” he tells them, smugly. His sister beams up at him with so much pride. Her little brother is so good, so respectable, he’s perfect in her eyes.

If only she knew.

She shows the men out of their home, requesting he get in touch if he remembers anything that might help their case. Megumi finally retreats to the safety of his bedroom, feeling cocky and proud of himself for slithering his way through your feeble attempt to get him arrested. He feels like a god. He feels invincible. An electric excitement jolts through him as he wonders when he might see you next.

What he can do to you next.

Friday brings another uneventful day, he really fucking misses you.

It sounds more romantic than it is.

Maybe it is, in some twisted way, treat them mean to keep them keen.

And he is downright vile to you. He doesn’t feel anything but pure unadulterated hatred for you. You’re too fucking nice, like his sister. No one is that nice. The way you felt compelled to compliment his art whenever you had the audacity to lean over and observe his sketchbook. And every time you did it, it was pictures of him. He thinks he hates you the most. And then when he remembers that man, that scumbag, he takes first place. If you could have just shut your fucking mouth, if you didn’t feel so compelled to start talking about those pictures of him, maybe you wouldn’t be paying the price now.

Megumi arrives home from his boring school day and kicks the door shut behind him with his foot. He's furious. The combination of his hatred for you and his father is too much. All he wants to do is go to his room, get changed and head outside for a few hours to clear his head. But when Tsumiki stops him from going to his room, he just about bites her head off.

“What?!” he barks. The volume makes her jump, but she simply smiles as she prepares to speak.

“Dad called.” she told him.

“My dad. Don’t say dad as if he’s your dad too. What did he want?” he moans at her. Her smile pulls downwards into a frown at his rude and hurtful words. She was about to answer him again, but before she can she's interrupted by the creaking of stairs. The siblings look to the source, and Megumi’s blood boils at the sight.

“That’s no way to talk to your sister.” Toji speaks. He’s just showered. He's wearing some grey joggers and his chest is bare, he's in the middle of the process of pulling a shirt over his head. His shirt clung to his water-soaked body in all of the right places, it's almost a little pornographic considering how innocent of an act it was.

His children almost didn’t want to look at him because it's so unintentionally erotic. Although Megumi doesn’t like to look at him anyway. “It’s been a while son. You don’t mind if I take him for a drive do you Tsumiki? Got some things I wanna talk to ‘im about.” Toji smiles at the young woman who nods enthusiastically.

“I’m not going anywhere with you.” Megumi spits.

“I wasn’t fuckin’ askin’ so get your scrawny ass in the car and stop bitchin’ at me.” Toji commands, walking ahead and leaving through the front door.

What Megumi hates most about Toji is no matter how much he hates him, how much he knows he’ll never change, he still – for some unknown reason – craves his approval. He knew his son would follow him through the door, that’s why he didn’t wait for him to start moving his feet. Because within seconds, Megumi is following him through that very same front door.

The silence in the car is deafening.

Toji is feeling the need to drag out whatever it is he wants to discuss, and Megumi has absolutely no desire to make idle chit-chat with his piece of shit father. The new car doesn’t go unnoticed. Megumi can feel his blood bubbling with rage through his veins.

When Megumi’s mother died, Toji went off the rails and he brought Megumi right along with him.

He was a downright mess. He drank, he did drugs, anything to forget. And Megumi didn’t understand. All he knew was that he lost his mother, and his daddy wasn’t his daddy anymore.

Toji could barely stomach looking at him, he reminded him too much of his dead wife. Although he found a new wife to go off the rails with, and that’s how Tsumiki entered the fray.

They were both terrible for each other and they fed off each other’s toxicity. Megumi couldn’t bear to look at his father without reliving his trauma, his unresolved resentment coursing through his fragile skin.

He understood that his father was hurting, but he was too. He lost his mother. And instead of taking care of his son, being there for him, helping him heal. He found a new wife, narcotics, and shady ways of making money. That was more important than being a dad, apparently, and this new car, his new set of wheels that reeked of money and sin, makes his body fail him.

Megumi isn’t sad. He's never sad. What he's feeling right now, some may call a broken heart. But not him. To Megumi, the way his heart feels being in such close proximity to his father is different.

It didn’t feel broken. It feels shredded.

It feels like it has been wrapped in barbed wire, and when he was near this pathetic excuse of a human being it did all it could to bulge out of its piercing prison. Chunks escaped, sure, but they were destroyed. The rest of his heart is stained, bruised and pouring blood. He couldn’t bear it.

Megumi couldn’t bear it.

“Let me out,” Megumi speaks, his breathing intensifying. His chest rising and falling rapidly.

“What? Kid, stop bein’ a bra—”

“Dad! Stop the car!” he screams. He stares at his father, begging him to listen to him.

When Toji looks over to where his son is seated, he doesn’t recognise who he's looking at. Snot and tears dribble down his face. His eyes are puffy and red, totally bloodshot. His white irises cracked with red uncomfortable veins that made Toji’s heart stop for a brief second.

This isn’t Megumi. Megumi doesn’t get like this, he’s never seen him like this. But what has Toji seen him like? He’s seen gloomy, stoic Megumi.

That’s all he sees on his fleeting visits.

Toji pulls the car over and Megumi scarpers out as quickly as he can. Toji takes his time turning off the car, finding a pair of sunglasses in the glove compartment before stepping out to tend to his child. He approaches him slowly. Wallet, phone and keys all rested skilfully in one hand.

Megumi doubles over, clear vomit evading the pit of his stomach. Toji grimaces at the sight, what the hell was wrong with him? His son is trembling, still. When he isn’t vomiting he's taking in sharp, heavy breaths, he almost sounds like he's screaming.

The desperation in his inhales are so eerie, like someone dragging a sharp knife down a windowpane.

Megumi is disgusted with himself.

It's all too much for him, reminiscing on his childhood and the closure he’d never get. The fact that his father thinks he’s allowed to pop into his life if and when he chooses.

He expects Megumi to drop everything and anything he’s doing to spend time with him and do as he’s told.

And the worst part? He does it.

He fights him every step of the way, but still, he does it.

Why does he do it? He hates him. Toji knows he hates him, too. Every conversation they have is surface level toleration or a heated argument. But Toji knows, no matter what, Megumi wants to please his father. Because he left him to fend for himself, he left him without a friend in the world. So, whenever Megumi gets the chance, he wants to prove himself to his father.

That’s why.

Megumi needs his father’s approval.

“The fuck’s wrong with you kid? Panic attack?” Toji questions as he towers above his son.

Megumi collapses onto his backside, mouth agape as he manages to calm himself down. He wants to rip his dad’s throat out for talking to him like that. But he doesn’t have the energy. He just can’t.

“Shut up, Toji.” he commands, making his father roll his eyes. An act of petty defiance, to call him by his name instead of dad. It doesn’t bother Toji, he couldn’t care less. He knows he’s a shit dad, he didn’t sign up for it anyway. He doesn’t care, he probably never will.

“Get up, there’s a coffee shop over there I’ll get you some water.” he tells him, hoping the offer will be enough to entice him off the ground.

Megumi blanks him though, still focusing on his breathing and trying to coax himself into feeling better so he can go home. Toji isn’t a man who likes to be ignored, Megumi is lucky he’s his kid right now. Anyone else would be in for a world of hurt.

But instead, Toji slowly raises his foot off the ground. He inches his dirty dust clad shoe closer to his boy’s face. Megumi side eyes the muddy soled loafer, piercing green eyes threatening him to back off.

However, Megumi forgets who he inherited those intimidating emerald orbs from.

Toji doesn’t take lightly to threats, and he hasn’t gotten where he is by being frightened by a simple look. His filthy shoe is millimetres from Megumi’s face, “I said get up kid.” and with Megumi ignoring him yet again, Toji has to make good on his threat. He gently kicks the bottom of his foot into his son’s face. Megumi grabs his ankle and pushes him away, springing to his feet soon after to ball his fists in his dad’s shirt.

“Why the fuck are you here now? What do you want? You only come when you want something so out with it.” Megumi hisses, his face mere inches from his dad’s. Toji raises his hand in surrender with that signature shit-eating grin on his face. But Megumi’s fists grasp harder, for the first time in his life he feels strong. Stronger than him. He shoves him backwards and pins him against the car. “What do you want Toji?!”

Toji, however, is over this little game. Megumi never has been, and never will be, stronger than him. He’d never hurt his son. He does love him, in his own fucked up way. He’s his after all. But he doesn’t love him enough to let him disrespect him in his quest for validation and superiority. He grabs his junior by the base of the neck, removing his sunglasses and peering intensely into his child’s eyes. Fear shudders through Megumi, and he lets go. But Toji doesn’t.

“Get in the fuckin’ car. Dumbass. I’ll go get you a drink,” and with that he releases Megumi from his grip, crossing the road seamlessly. Commanding the traffic around him to stop as he approaches the coffee shop.

Megumi gets into the car. It’s hot. Fuck, it’s hot. His breathing is intensifying again. He hastily removes his jacket with shaky hands.

His father has only been gone for a few minutes, but his gaze is flitting between the windscreen window and the coffee shop. He balls his jacket up and shoves his face into it, screaming all of the air in his lungs out into the material. He just screams. It feels like he can’t stop, the oxygen will never be out of him.

He needs it out, he needs to breathe out this day, this experience.

But he can’t.

It’s lingering in his lungs, itching away at him. Little spindly legs crawling around inside of him like spiders, biting and tapping inside of him searching for a way out.

There’s no way out. He can’t breathe. He wants to rip his fucking heart out and let his dad drive and reverse over it until it’s unrecognisable.

His head drops between his knees, his hands interlocking behind his head trapping tufts of his unruly onyx locks.

He startles a little when his father opens the car door and sits behind the wheel. Toji could swear he saw him jump a little again when he slams the door shut behind him.

“Here,” his dad speaks, holding two bottles out to him. Megumi peers up to see them. One is water, and the other is a chilled glass bottle of beer. Why did he get him this? “Might steady yer fuckin’ nerves. What happened to you? Never seen y’like this before,” Toji states, not expecting a direct answer from Megumi, but daring to ask anyway.

Megumi twists the plastic cap off his water bottle. He doesn’t sip, he gulps. And he gulped, and gulped, and gulped, until the plastic bottle was contorting and creasing as he sucked the air out and his heavy fist gripped tighter around the soft material. Toji offers a teasing ‘think ya got it’ hoping it would make Megumi give up trying to get the last lingering droplets out of the plastic container.

He was right, he did get it.

It just isn’t enough. It does nothing to drown that unbearable itch inside of him. So, he slouched back in his seat, at least a little calmer for having something else to focus on.

“I’m fucked up.”

And he laughs.

It's manic. If you could see him now, God if you could see what a pathetic miserable shell he is right now.

It’s symbolic really, how insanely he’s laughing. You’d actually see a similarity between the two of you. He was almost laughing as insanely as you had been as you destroyed his artwork, probably more so.

He's unhinged. And for the first time in his life, he thinks Toji is scared. His face hurts from the way his cheeks are pulling as he laughs. If he was normal, his stomach would be aching. Because that’s what is meant to happen when people laugh. Right? When people truly laugh at something, you feel it in your belly. But fuck, Megumi isn’t normal.

He’s breaking apart.

Toji grabs his shoulder, and in an instant the laughter stops. Megumi’s face turns, his eyes snap to find his father’s matching ones. His smile is gone, but his eyebrow quivers as he studies his father’s features.

“Oh, fuck, scared you huh?” Megumi asks. Toji scoffs and lets go of him, starting the car up to drive away instead. But before he does, he takes his sons beer bottle between his teeth and bites the lid off. He spits it down on the floor of his car beneath him and gives it to Megumi. And Megumi drinks it, seeming to enjoy the taste.

That’s doing it.

That’s drowning his demons.

His attention is back on Toji as he’s driving.

And looking at him now, that is the father he knows.

He’s just driving as if he doesn’t have a care in the world. Like his son hasn’t just totally snapped before his very eyes. He’s snapped already, so why not push him a little more. Megumi punches his arm, causing Toji’s steering to waver.

“Stupid little idiot, fucks wrong with you? Don’t fuckin’ touch me while I’m drivin’.” he barks at his son. But he doesn’t stop. He punches him again, again and again. He slams harshly on the breaks, engulfing his sons whole face in one fist. He smothers his face and forcefully pushes him back into the passenger side door. “Hey! Did I fuckin’ stutter?”

“Did I fuckin’ scare you dad? You looked a little concerned you piece of shit! Ya fuckin’ deadbeat…” Megumi yells, fighting back the tears that were building, slithering behind his eyes threatening to spill at any moment.

“Pfft. Grow up Megumi. You’re not fifteen anymore,”

“Yeah, I was fucked up then never mind now.” Megumi spits at him.

“God, shut up.” Toji seethes as he softly slaps Megumi on the side of his face, pointing to the tip of his nose, demanding his attention. “You’re not fucked up. You’re fine. Y’think everyone doesn’t get like this? Y’think I never get like this? I wanna rip my fuckin’ skin off when I think about how fucked everything is for too long.” he tells his son sternly, trying to be calm but firm with him.

“You—” Megumi manages to croak out before Toji interrupts.

“Yeah, me. I fuckin’ left you. Never said sorry did I? Would you believe me if I said I was sorry? I don’t know if I am kid, that’s the problem. Had to fuckin’ split, couldn’t handle it. But if it helps, sure. I’m sorry. It was fucked.” Toji tells him.

Megumi is in awe.

This is the most they’d ever talked in their lives. Everything they discuss is surface level pleasantries that are meaningless. And he apologised. He can’t apologise. He’s said the word sorry but the itch is still there. He doesn’t mean it, he said himself he doesn’t mean it. This can’t be it, this can’t be everything Megumi has been waiting to hear to fix him. Anger and resentment he’s clung onto for so long, dying as he awaited the moment he’d finally get an apology or an explanation.

And this was it.

This was all he’d waited for, and it wasn’t good enough. It’ll never be good enough. He’s going to be stuck with this itch for the rest of his life.

“Are you kidding me? You think that’s good enough?” Megumi questions, fists balled as he argues with himself whether to punch Toji again. “I’m sorry, but I’m not really sorry because I had too. Huh, asshole? You really think that’s good enough?!” Megumi bellows, lip quivering as he clenches his teeth together.

“Don’tcha get it? Idiot. Nothing I say’ll ever be good enough. I fuckin’ left you alone after your mother died. Whether I mean it or not, it won’t stop fuckin’ hurtin’ kid. You got more than I ever did. The Zen’in used to lock me up and beat the shit out of me.” he angles the right side of his face and points to the scar on his lip, “they gave me this for the pleasure, think I ever got a fuckin’ sorry? No. Fake or sincere, nothin’. Think holdin’ a grudge is gonna fix anything?”

Megumi has been vibrating with anger the entire conversation.

All he wants to do was smash the glass of beer he has and stab the jagged shards into Toji’s neck. He's furious.

There is some truth to his words, sure, but he's so fucking casual. Like Megumi is meant to take everything he's saying as gospel, accepting it as absolute truth and living his life by them from now on.

He’s been vibrating with anger through the entire conversation, until he thought of you. He can’t smile; but his clenching jaw relaxes when visions of you enter his mind.

It's just as well, Toji thinks if he clenched any harder his son’s teeth would smash to pieces. It was something Toji said that made him think of you.

Think holdin’ a grudge is gonna fix anything?

No. But it helps. He’s sure you’d have the same thought process as Toji, you’d be desperate to end the vendetta Megumi has against you. But if he didn’t hate his father, if he didn’t hate you, how else would he cope?

How else would he control the itch?

Megumi allows his body to go limp, looking over to Toji with a side-eye glance. He huffs, allowing his chest to rise and fall in one heavy dramatic breath.

“What do you want, dad?”

Toji kisses his teeth, contemplating how to speak. How to ask. But Megumi has honestly had enough of fucking around today, dancing around subjects and rowing with each other. He just wants to know, and that is something Toji could plainly see in his son’s defeated body. So, he comes right out and says it, not wanting to beat around the bush.

“Tomorrow,” he begins, looking around at everything in the car other than his son. But his gaze settles, their emerald eyes meeting once again. “There’s a big shindig, all of the Zen’in are goin’. You need to be there.”

And that’s how Megumi found himself in a town car on his way to your parent’s new manor home.

Toji didn’t offer him a ride, of course.

Megumi suspects his father will be feeling uncomfortable after their argument yesterday, but in reality Toji is having a good parenting moment. He felt it necessary to give his son some space to cool down after their heated conversation.

The closer the car got to the ridiculously enormous manor; butterflies joined the itching in the pit of Megumi’s stomach. He tries to clear his throat and take deep breaths, but it wasn’t helping.

He fishes around in his inside jacket pockets. He pulls out a mirror from the right pocket and a baggie of cocaine and a razor from the other.

The car slows as it pulls into the gates, manoeuvring around the intricate landscaping. He takes the opportunity to make a white powdery line atop the mirror resting on his lap. He doesn’t care what the driver thinks of him, he’s sure Toji does the same if not worse whenever he's in here.

He snorts it, slowly. It’s been a while since he’s let this be a vice of his.

Megumi isn’t stupid, no, he’s careful. He will be careful with his vices. But when the car stops below the staircase that lead to the daunting double doors, he sags back into the plush leather seats of the car.

“D’ya mind if I just wait here for a minute?” Megumi asks, the man shakes his head, much to Megumi’s delight.

It’s been a while since he’s been to a Zen’in get together. When he and Tsumiki moved away, he managed to avoid them and Toji like the plague.

It's harrowing, really, that he had to walk into a strangers home, alone. To see a family who did nothing but chastise and disapprove. A family he barely knew but still felt it necessary to try and control aspects of his life and look down on each and every little thing he did.

But he relaxes. He wipes his nose of the white dust and takes a deep breath. He gets out of the car, slamming it aggressively behind him. He ascended the stairs. Breathing shallow breaths as he prepares himself for the hell he's about to endure.

He rests his finger on the doorbell, he can’t seem to take his finger off it. Air is knocked from his lungs when the door opens, almost being ripped from its hinges.

What the fuck are you two doing here?

He can’t help but stare, completely in awe at the sight. You’re looking at him differently, like you know him. Like you’ve had a look into the window of his damaged soul.

What the fuck are you staring at?

Megumi clears his throat, and you're staring soon turns to dismay, irritation. Megumi thinks you’re just processing what is happening, the unlikely coincidence of it all.

Are you still scared of him?

Terrified of what he’ll do to you?

Or are you safe now, because dear old Yuji is here?

Megumi takes in the sight of both of you, but drinks up the vision of you. He can’t believe it. You’re really here. He opens his mouth, smiling sadistically, knowing whatever he does will get a reaction out of you.

“Well well, what do we have here?” Megumi questions, crossing his arms across his chest as he waits for a response.

Yuuji looks feral, like he wants to skin him alive. It’s sad, really, that his best friend has let a useless cunt come between them. Megumi won’t disown him, but he knows Yuuji won’t claim him as his friend anymore. He’ll always be Megumi’s. Yuuji pulls your hand to bring you closer to his body. He’s sure Yuuji can feel you shaking like a frightened lamb against him, because even from this distance, Megumi can see it.

“Get out of the way Fushiguro,” Yuuji demands, holding your body as tightly as he can to give you the feeling of safety you’re so desperate for.

But of course, Megumi doesn’t move.

He doesn’t sidestep to allow you past.

He just stares. And Yuuji’s temper flares when he stops staring at you both, but through you. Because a dastardly grin stretches across Megumi’s pretty face.

While Yuuji is staring, shaking and furious, while you’re trembling, terrified and on the brink of tears, he sees who he can only assume are the owners of the house, who he can only assume are your parents, are walking through the foyer and approaching you. It’s like he’s watching a movie in slow motion. And it just gets better when his own dad lollygags behind them, leaning on a doorframe further down the hall as he watches your mother and father chase after you.

Megumi knows you’re not going anywhere.

Megumi knows your parents will beg, plead for you to stay. What will people say if you leave the party earlier? They’ll be the talk of high society. A simple, elegant party couldn’t go off without a hitch because their selfish daughter ruined it all.

No.

That’s not you.

The few brief days he’s known you, something he can see about you is clear. You, perfect, sweet girl, are a people pleaser.

Megumi’s smiling. And he’s smiling hard.

Because you aren’t going anywhere.

© 2021 fuwushiguro | © 2023 fuwushiguro

[ateez-himari]

LXST; RECORD TWO

[NEW UPLOAD FROM ATEEZ]

LISTEN TO 'TAKE ME BACK TO EDEN' NOW ON YOUTUBE (until 4:38)

Liked by m.by_sana and 1,203,389 others

ateez_official_ LXST; Record Two

#ATEEZ #애이티즈 #HIMARI #히마리

View all 890,839 comments

sleep_token So glad our fans brought this ethereal song to our attention 🙌🏻 If you're ever looking for someone to collaborate with we'd be more than willing

hynjinnnn i'm so grateful you trusted me to photograph you and bring your ideas to life, it was such an amazing experience 💛the song is so beautiful that i might be responsible for half of its steams right now, save me a seat at the next tour stop🙏

teezify these photo concepts just get more breath taking and the fact that the water is used to portray the emotions of the song...🤌✨️

youremystar an alternative rock/progressive metal song with HER voice, we really are winning guys 🤭 and the creative direction was all her so it really makes those pics more impressive, I can't even explain how I feel looking at them

himarry.me We as a society underestimate just how creative her mind is...she replaced the vowel by an x to make it a series with different themes 🤯Thank you for working so hard our maknae, but please remember to rest 💕

bluebrry she actually performed it at the Toronto concert...I got chills. not only was she acting but she was singing live the entire time, also Mingi as the toxic masked figure from the video?? this stage alone should get an award 🤩👏🏼

08 July 2024 • See Original

Industry Reactions

Mingi made sure his Instagram story was filled with praise for his girlfriend 'from the moment this song started playing in the studio I felt like I was diving into her heart. I'll never grow tired of hearing that angelic voice even in the depth of my dreams so if you won't stream the song, I will 😤Tiny, please show lots of love to my angel, she deserves it especially after the amount of work that went into this track alone. She fell asleep so often in her studio writing everything from lyrics to the music video directions that I had to make her sleep in mine most nights just so I could bring her home later'

J Hope made an unexpected post on Weverse 'I don't usually make song recommendations but I feel like people need to hear this one at least once in their life. We watched her grow up so I was able to see the amount of potential her production had and yet I never thought to hear something so out of the ordinary, she's really advanced to a new level'

American singer Halsey showed fondness for her friend's younger sister on X 'I've only gotten the chance to meet this sweet girl twice yet she's been stuck in my mind ever since and this song is proof of her impact. It goes beyond the restrictions of her industry, it draws your entire being inside the track almost as if under water. I can't properly explain this song so go stream it!'

Woozi surprised fans with news of their friendship on Weverse 'There have been many talented producers who worked with me in the past but Himari instantly stood out to me with the brilliance of her musical mind. We got to talking more as friends and she told me that she didn't take classes until their early debut days, she just watched people like Hongjoong and Yoongi hyung. When producers say that this girl is a genius we really mean it. Take Me Back To Eden is a mix of two different genres yet she makes them work so well together with just the use of her voice, that's a true artist, someone with a creative vision out of what people expect or are comfortable with'

(G)I-DLE leader and producer Soyeon expressed respect on an Instagram story 'Usually senior idols are the ones serving as role models for their juniors, but after hearing Take Me Back to Eden I have to admit that despite being three years older, I really do look up to Himari. What she has isn't just about natural talent, it's hard work, constant learning, harmony in a team, long hours...a lot of us producers admire her work ethic. Her creativity is absolutely mind blowing, she's without a doubt one of the pillars of this generation and I'm sure younger idols will talk about her for a very long time ❤️'

Netizen Reactions

@/bulleobulleooo on X 'That one scene with Apollo when it turns into a man hits so hard...because the sound was beautiful but the chords were cutting her fingers the entire time. Relationship wise that means he was whispering loving things in her ear while destroying her. Omg then the part where she's singing 'Grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire' in tears while he's making her look up at him?? This MV is so meaningful'

@/ateenypresent on X 'this is definitely about being lost in someone's corruption 🤔 look at the details, she even has bruises around her eyes like she was burnt by the 'funeral pyre' she keeps talking about being drawn to'

@/himaswife on X 'Hear me out, I think this whole project is about the evolution of toxic love. The first track was about desire for another person, lust, or being drawn in by someone, this one hints to being so blinded by toxic love (of the person she was drawn to) that she loses herself to the point of wanting to go back to previous innocence yet not being able to due to still being trapped by the other. The next one might be called last and talking about the separation from that person.'

@/secretlyjjoongrami on X 'Wait Eden is the beginning, where everything started, but it also represents perfect harmony. With all the clues in the video I think she's been corrupted by the masked man and broken to the point where everything inside her is in chaos. Maybe that's why her dress when he's around is black and torn, but the reflection in the mirror is wearing white, same thing when she's in the water...'

Min Siblings Updates

Yoongi's private message 'My Himari, please know that I'm more than sorry for everything happening at the moment I promise I'll fix it. This is very unfair to you, I can only imagine how stressed everything must make you right now, how much my stupidity bled onto your life. I wanted you to know how proud I am that you're working so hard especially on this incredibly creative project. Your soul is pure art itself, I hope you'll always be able to express yourself like this. Your big brother is so sorry, I love you, always ❤️'

Hanzo's private message 'Don't worry I streamed your new song the second the notification appeared on my screen, Haneul heard it and won't stop asking for me to 'play auntie's song' ㅎㅎ This is a beautiful project but please remember to rest, Hongjoong says he's worried that you have more nightmares lately. Pretty please send me the next track before it comes out, for your big brother that you love so much 🥺My amazing, artistic little tiger, I love you 💕Remember to send me a message when you land in Rosemont!'

Translated from Korean by Google

[haveyouusedthispokemon]

All pokemon have now been posted... twice! So now we wait for the polls to finish, and I'll follow with two final stat posts; one for Gen 9 and one overall ^^

Once the stat posts are up, there will be a couple of polls to decide what's next. They'll feature any suggestions I've received and some options that I've thought of myself! I look forward to seeing what y'all think ^^

I'm going to put a read more now because it's a little long, but tl;dr thank you!

I'm not the best with words, but I really love working on this blog and spreading the joy it's given me. The sense of community is because of all of your contributions. It's helped make it easy to step out of my comfort zone and try new things, which means a lot to me. I owe you all a huge thanks for your participation ^^

Every time someone shares a story behind a nickname, or how much they like a pokemon and what it's done for them... it really helps make this feel fulfilling, and fun.

I have a tendency to drop things I start, but I've been able to keep at this for over a year now and that's mind-blowing to me. I've learned more about excel, and learned how to make and edit gifs from scratch! It's been an exciting, and I feel like I'm really contributing to this community as well.

While there are similar blogs, I'm honored and grateful to be able to run this one. I'm always happy to hear your stories, opinions, and feedback. Thank you for sticking with this blog and here's hoping that the next round is just as good as the last ^^

[lendmyboyfriendahand]

Even more in the older kidnap fam fic

At Amon Ereb, accommodations for the twins do get marginally more comfortable.

It is, after all, a proper fortress complete with prison cells. All the Feanorian fortresses have them; for criminals, or captured orcs they want to interrogate, or for the rare occasions the sons of Feanor were aware they needed to be stopped.

The cells have solid stone walls and floor, with metal gratings for doors, so the prisoners can't escape by setting a fire or digging.

Some of the cells are missing doors, where the metal bars were taken down and reforged into armor or weapons, but there are still several in good shape.

And the Feanorians are putting both princes in one cell, anyway. It will be easier to guard one place than two.

Elrond and Elros are very agreeable to sharing a cell, rather than being put at opposite ends of the dungeon, with who knows how many days or weeks before they see each other again. And it's not like they'd have actual privacy with their own cells, there's going to be a guard outside constantly.

They are marched down by a half dozen guards, with their arms tied. Once Elros is untied, he has to stand his facing the wall opposite the door before the guards will bring Elrond forward and untie him.

Elros kind of wants to laugh at how intimidating he and his twin apparently are, to warrant this hassle, but it's not funny with swords inches from his brother.

Still, eventually all the guards leave, except for one who locks the door and stands across the hallway.

The cell has a bed, a chamber pot, a bucket of fresh water, and a bed roll designed for camping. There's room for one person to pace, if the other sits on the bed.

Elrond and Elros can talk to each other. Not unobserved, but without a sharp deadline. Better than since they left Sirion.

After reassuring each other that they have no serious injuries, they compare their experiences of the battle, particularly the end.

Elrond and Elros conclude that Elwing is dead, but the Valar sent an eagle (or perhaps another bird, Elrond is unsure of the species he saw) to retrieve the Silmaril.

The Valar have sent eagles to help the house of Fingolfin twice before, and retrieving Fingolfin's body was a lesser favor than saving Maedhros's life (as evil as he is). It's reasonable that the third aid from eagles would be even smaller, not saving the queen's body but saving only her jewel from her enemies.

Elros and Elrond are still confident that it's better than the Feanorians having the Silmaril, though. Who knows what evil they would be able to accomplish with its light?

They are very sad though that their mother is dead. And it's been over a year since Earendil left on his latest voyage, so he's probably dead too, though Elwing hadn't admitted it where they could hear.

That makes Elros king of Sirion, heir to Gondolin and Doriath. Elrond kisses his brother's hand and pledges his fealty.

In practical terms though, Elros and Elrond aren't sure this changes the situation at all. Sure, Elros is king - of a people he can't reach.

They're still prisoners, and there is no Silmaril to trade them for - though of course they are brave warriors who would rather die than give such a holy object over to the evil Feanorians.

They seem to be just here as hostages, so Gil-Galad doesn't sack Amon Ereb, and because the Feanorians still have enough pretense at honor not to kill enemies who surrendered.

The first of those conditions has no end date, and the second only does if they're unlucky. Elros and Elrond will be prisoners until they learn if peredhel can die of old age.

Meanwhile: Maedhros has commanded the guards to keep a watch on the cell, feed the prisoners from the same food as the soldiers, and stop them from escaping. Preferably non-lethally, but if the prisoners reach the courtyard go ahead and shoot them.

He's taken a report from the seneschal, confirming nothing has changed at the castle in his absence.

Maedhros has made his own report of names of the dead, so their work can be redistributed among the living. He's passed on news of Elwing's escape with the jewel, and the signs of orcs they saw on their way. No one pursued the army from Sirion though, which is good.

Maedhros does all the tasks that need to be done to settle his army back in the castle, or at least all that can't wait a day.

He then locks himself in his room to cry over his dead little brother.

Pretty soon it turns to screaming. Wordless cries of pain, insults to the Valar and Eru, curses to the idiocy of child queens.

It's audible outside his room, but he doesn't care. Let them think him mad, being sane has never won him a battle. (Nirnaeth Doriath Sirion, never achieving his goals, and always those he loves dying for him.)

The soldiers are uneasy, but tell each other loudly that it's just his nightmares. Lord Maedhros is sane while awake, and none of them will judge for troubled sleep. Definitely that.

From the prison cell, all that can be heard is the occasional scream. Elrond and Elros thought they were the only captives, but is someone being tortured?

Maglor sleeps for a day straight on arriving at Amon Ereb. He's the best rider left, and switched between advance scouting and Singing their trail cold as needed for the whole journey. It's not literally true that he hasn't slept since Sirion, but he hasn't been fully rested since they marched out from Amon Ereb.

He's still the first one to approach the twins for conversation though, late the next evening.

He's done diplomacy with Fingolfin after leaving him to die, how much worse can it be?

(Okay, he didn't actually get any concessions out of Fingolfin. And he gave up his entire city. But no one died! And people unassociated with the royal family were exchanging small items and food with each other! He's sure it would have taken less than a century to create an actual formal relationship.)

@tar-thelien asked to be tagged for updates!