#so glad for the chance to talk about roy and his issues

[thetarttfuldickhead]

roy + fear

Roy might not originally have intended to use fear and intimidation to get his way, but there’s no denying that he does do that now, when he feels the situations calls for it. He would probably not admit to it if confronted with the fact (well, not until after a while in theraphy with Dr. Sharon at least) but he is very aware of how scary he can be, and will – when it suits him – wield the fear he instills as a tool to achieve his ends. He’s not going to waste time trying to talk some idiot into seeing sense; he’ll threaten to smash his teeth out if he doesn’t stop being a dickhead. Or he’ll just stare and grunt and trust that his reputation precedes him. When confronted with people*, such as Jamie and Ted, who will not be intimidated by him even when he tries to be scary, Roy flunders, because he’s quite used to this strategy working very nicely to him and has not bothered to develop too many other means of persuasion. (And he also hates himself for that, because this is Roy, and hoo boy is this man a mess.) He is getting better at it, though!

*People outside of his family. He would never try to intimidate his sister or Phoebe; he can be as gruff with them as he is with anyone else, but trusts that they’ll always know the real feelings behind his thousand fucks and what-not.

[samgirl98]

Mending a Family 11/?

Prev | Next

Jason and Jazz bond, and Dick has a sort-of revelation.

Jason sat by the table after saying goodbye to Roy, Raven, and Lian and putting Danny to bed. After the revelation of Mar’i, the adults had sobered a little, and it had gotten awkward. Thankfully, the kids kept playing though Danny would side-eye Jason every once in a while. His knowing look reminded Jason that Danny was a sixteen-year-old trapped in the body of a five-year-old.

Jazz sat across from him with two cups of tea. She gave one to Jason and asked, “How are you feeling?”

Jason frowned; how was he feeling? A part of him was disappointed, but he understood.

“Jazz, when I came back, I killed people. I hurt Tim. It makes sense that Dick never told me he had a daughter. I’m doing the same thing now with Danny! Besides, nobody in their right mind would let a murderer around their child.”

“Just because you understand and can rationalize it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”

Jason smiled softly at her, “What are you, my psychiatrist, now?”

“I don’t have to be a psychiatrist to know this affected you more than you want to let on.”

Jason sighed, “I understand; really, I do. But what pisses me off is that Roy told me that Dick is obsessively looking for me. All of them are. How can they freeze me out of the family, not at least tell me, ‘Hey Jason, you’re an uncle,’ and then call me family and use that as an excuse to hunt me down like a rabid animal?”

Jazz sipped her tea, “I think they’re probably feeling guilty now because they managed to chase you away. From what I’ve heard, they like to be in control.”

Jason snorted, “Yeah, they’re all control freaks that have no issue invading others’ privacy. Starting with Daddy Bats.”

“Do you miss them,” she asked quietly.

“I do,” he answered in the same volume, “but I burned those bridges long ago.”

They stayed in silence for a while.

“I hope I’m not overstepping, but you have become my family. I see how you act around Danny, and I am grateful that you parent and love him the way a parent loves their child. Our parents weren’t the best, so I’m glad Danny will get a second chance at childhood, and it’s all thanks to you.”

Jason smiled, “Well, at least I’m doing right by Danny.”

“You think—you think you’ll ever talk to them again?”

“Not when there’s a chance they’ll take Danny away from me. They see me as unstable, but I won’t ever hurt Danny. I don’t know if I’m a bad parent, but Danny has helped me more than I’ve helped him, and he’s keeping me sane.”

Jazz shrugged, “I’m not precisely sane myself, and as long as you don’t verbally tell Danny he’s the only reason you feel your mental stability is better, then I see no harm in it. It’s bad when a parent puts that pressure on their child. However, I have a feeling you’re saner than you think you are.”

Jazz finished her tea.

“Besides, you can’t be judged by human standards.”

Jason rolled his eyes; he stopped explaining to Danny and Jazz that he was utterly, one hundred percent human.

“Do you really think I’m a good parent?”

“Yes,” she answered without hesitation.

Jason sighed, “I miss my old family sometimes.”

“You want to talk about them?”

“I can’t talk much about the newer members, but Dick, he’s my oldest brother; he’s huggy, a huge jokester. There’s always a pun or quip coming out of his mouth. He didn’t; well, when I was younger, I thought he hated me. He was always yelling at Bruce, and most of the time, he ignored me, but eventually, he came around.”

“I remember one time he took me train surfing. It was so fun! I was hanging out with my older brother, my predecessor. He also stole Bruce’s car once and took me on a joyride after Bruce had grounded me.”

“There’s also Barbie. She helped me a lot with homework when I was younger. She’s—she’s also the only one that kept contact with me after all the shi—things I did. You remind me of her. She’s kind, same as you. And you both have red hair. She’s crazy smart like you are. The things she can do with computers,” Jason shook his head in disbelief.

“There’s Alfred. He’s like a grandfather to me. He taught me how to cook; he’s the one I miss the most, to be honest. I wouldn’t be surprised if he missed me, too, but he was giving me my space.”

Jason couldn’t bring himself to talk about Bruce. The man had been his father, but he had both disappointed Jason and been disappointed by Jason.

His biggest failure, Jason thought bitterly.

“Mom and dad,” Jazz started, took a deep breath, and continued, “Mom and dad, when they weren’t obsessed with their work, showed how much they cared for us in their way. Mom would make delicious fudge that got devoured quickly. Dad, he would call me his princess.”

“We’d go camping every summer until—until the portal opened. They had always been obsessed with ghosts, but they went into overdrive after the portal. They neglected us; Danny was being hurt. Eventually, it became too much, and Danny started detaching himself from everyone, including his friends, because he didn’t want anyone hurt.”

“I miss them sometimes, but I can never forgive them for what they did. They find out about Danny, and the first thing they do is attack! How could they?!”

Jazz was breathing hard, “How could they? They told us they loved us.”

Jazz started crying. Jason was stunned for a moment, and then he got up. He let Jazz cry on his shoulder.

Two broken people held on to each other. They may have lost an old family, but slowly, they would build a new one.

____

“Daddy!”

Dick opened his arms as his daughter flew into them. Kory floated right beside him and smiled softly at their three-year-old.

“Thanks for letting her stay with me for the week,” Dick said, “I needed this.”

“My pleasure. She wanted to see her daddy, anyway.”

Dick let Mar’i down and watched as she ran to her room.

“How’s the search going,” Kory asked.

Dick’s smile fell. They still hadn’t found any trace of Jason. Alfred was telling them to leave Jason alone and that he’ll contact them when he wants to. Roy stopped talking to Dick altogether, and Bruce was losing his mind.

“It’s not going well. Why, have you found anything?”

“No, sorry, but I haven’t been paying too much attention.”

“That’s okay. Wally and Superman are looking for him. We’ll find him, eventually.”

Mar’i decided to come out at that moment.

“Daddy, daddy, can we go see Grandpa Bruce,” she lisped, “and Uncles Timmy and Damian and aunties Cassie and Steph? Will Uncle Duke be there with the pretty lights?”

Dick felt a ping in his chest. His daughter hadn’t mentioned Jason. She had never met him, and Dick couldn’t help but feel guilty.  Would Jason have stayed if the family had tried to integrate him more? Was it because of them that he left?

That bothered Dick, questions. He wanted, needed to know why Jason left instead of coming to them.

Because you shut the door, his mind supplied.

It was right.

@idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @skulld3mort-1fan @theauthorandtheartist @emergentpanda-blog @jaggedheart11 @fisticuffsatapplebees @booberrylizard @fantasticbluebirdfan @thegatorsgooseoose @cyrwrites @kjoboo91 @crystallicedart @amaramizuki666 @spekulatiusmuffin @meira-3919 @kilasmess @bubblemixer @lexdamo @wonderland-daisy @mj-arts-n-stuff @amyheart19 @dolfay @the-church-grimm @undead-essence @aph-mable @lizisipancardo @purrloin77 @writer-extraodinaire @charlietheepic7 @sinfulloccultist @nootherusernameworked @coruscateselene @chaoticchange @itsberrydreemurstuff @gmkelz11 @feral-bunny31 @paroovian @thatonegaybitch68 @d4ydr34min9 @overtherose @fandomwandererer @vipower001 @thordottir45 @blackrabbitt3t @rosecinnamonbun @bianca-hooks123 @epilepticnerd @dat1angel @consouling @flamingenchiladadragon

[stonesandswords]

omg thank you for those tags on the Roy post. Look, I love Roy. He's got a lot of positives and things to love, but the man is violent and full of anger. He needs therapy, and he can't threaten the people he's supposed to be coaching. They aren't his equals. Jamie is his player, and it wasn't cute when Roy's instinct was to push him around in The Signal when Jamie hadn't done anything wrong, and Ted had to step in. Even the head butting was completely inappropriate last season. What happened in last night's ep was even worse. Roy can't threaten to kill a player and go to attack him just because he is having an anger episode. It's ridiculous and not fun to watch, especially since we know Jamie's dad has, at the very least, pushed him around, if not outright hit him. And Roy knows this! I really hope Roy's anger is addressed in some way this season.

I'm not saying Roy's the worst or anything but he really is so full of violence and anger and it's honestly a little terrifying how beloved he is. Yes, the grumpy personality was funny at first but there seemed to be no softness or substance under that after a while. Just anger and lashing out.

I really do think he needs therapy because there's really a whole lot of shit that he needs to work on. He is the king of threatening people who are "below" him and who he holds power over. It's always supposed to come off as funny, from him growling and cursing at security guards and children to him headbutting and physically assaulting other players (Colin), but I just find it so odd that he's not aggressive like that with people who are his equals (Ted, Beard, Higgins, Nate) or above him (Rebecca). Let alone him actually physically attacking Jamie multiple times and threatening him more often than that, especially after learning about and witnessing the relationship between Jamie and his father firsthand. Not a day in my life can I figure out why Roy hates Jamie so god damn much, especially after they talked to each other at the gala in season 1.

It is so ridiculous and not fun to watch, because honestly what is the purpose of all this anger? What is it serving? I'm glad they're adding some more vulnerable parts to Roy, between Roy opening up to Trent about the 25-year bad review he carried around in his wallet to Roy opening up to Ted and Trent about how being back at Chelsea made him sad because he didn't give himself a chance to really just enjoy himself at the end. But he literally made the team give Trent the silent treatment for like a week because he was being petty and letting his ego go unchecked.

And Roy opening up to Trent and Ted doesn't make up for the way Roy has treated Jamie the past couple of seasons. Jamie has been trying so hard to move past his season 1 beef with Roy, make up for it, and become Roy's friend but Roy would rather let his ego control him and turn him into an angry and aggressive brat child.

I really do hope they address Roy's anger further, including Roy making many apologies to Jamie for how he's treated Jamie. I think that Roy can be quite the well-rounded person, if he just reigned in the anger and violence and learned some massive coping skills for his rage issue.

[sillysadduck]

honestly i'd love to hear ur headcanons about the dhmis teachers ::::D

HELLO FRIEND! Ughh I'm so mad I couldn't answer this ask before but tumblr genuinely wouldn't even let me open it at first:( I think I posted about that issue- I was also offline for a few days but im back <:D

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED♡♡

These are my hcs for the og teachers, if you want to see the ones I have for my human AU too let me know :)

general hc for all of them: all of them dislike kids, except for Steak, and some of them suck at interacting with them.

Paige/Sketchbook:

-Their voice sounds a bit uninterested and annoyed in the first episode and I think they genuinely were.

-Got scared when things got weird. They weren't expecting all of that to happen.

-They're friends with almost all of the other teachers. They get along the best with Tony. They're a bit scared of Steak tho.

-They actually don't know shit about art, they just pretend to know💫

-They love to annoy Tony, they find it funny when he gets mad at them.

-They draw on themselves.

-They don't like using their legs most of the time, but they can. As seen in episode 6 they're just little black sticks like their arms.

Shrignold:

-More of a general hc but he worships the Malcom statue as a representation of the actual Malcom. Malcom is actually something among the lines of a God so he can't be seen or touched in reality.

-He has internalized homophobia, but he's gay himself. He just wouldn't act on it, it's against his beliefs.

-He's actually really good with kids. Thats how he got Yellow's "Special One" to join his cult.

-Doesn't mean he likes them, but he's an amazing manipulator.

-He will preach to anyone and I mean ANYONE, I do think he genuinely convinced Paige and Tony to join him by just talking with them.

-He's not aware of some of the creepy members of his cult (furry boy I'm looking at you) but he doesn't care either.

Tony:

-I actually posted a doodle of this but he hangs himself on the wall and behaves like an actual inanimate clock when he's mad at someone 💫

-That someone is Paige 80% of the time bc theyre annoying

-ANGER ISSUES

-Autistic!!

-He has no patience, asking him a question is like asking your dad to teach you math. He will yell, slam his hands against the table, get frustrated a hundred times and then he will apologize only if he feels like it.

-Not a good teacher at all, but he's good at keeping normal conversations. Just don't ask him any deep questions.

-The others don't understand him. Everyone considers him hard to deal with because of his short temper. He gets along the best with Paige and Colin.

Colin:

-Also autistic bc how could he not be

-Actually knows the darkest parts of the "digital world"/internet but just like in a common computer you won't get easy access to those.

-He was Roy's computer! He's a fairly old computer, Roy stopped using him when he became glitchy and only brought him back for the show.

-Is super slow most of the time, using him as an actual computer is frustrating.

-Yellow can use him to play old computer games tho, and he will if given a chance.

-Gets mad at Red preferring Laptop because Laptop is not glitchy, it makes him feel replaced and frustrated.

-Scared of bugs, no joke intended

Steak/Lamp chop:

-Literal BBQ dad

-The other teachers find him intimidating bc bro is huge.

-Spinach Can and Bread Boy are like his kids! And Fridge is always by his side, nobody knows if they're in love or just buddies.

-He doesn't speak to any of the other teachers or the main trio most of the time, he's happy with the healthy gang and feels like he doesn't need more than them.

-Spinach really looks up to him, they never leave his side. Steak will carry them everywhere and tell them bad jokes.

-Yellow wants to be picked up by him all the time, he doesn't find him scary, he just saw he's tall and now he wants up.

Larry/Lamp:

-Man was DRUNK while he was singing about dreams.

-Can't form coherent thoughts, ever.

-Shrignold loves to be around him bc he always listens. Truth is he's always kind of lost inside his own brain so that makes him a good listener.

-He's really strong physically but he's not aware of it, Yellow was really hurt when he grabbed him by the arm.

-He will fall asleep anywhere and anytime. He doesn't even care.

-He uses Colin as Google by asking him lots and lots of questions.

-No one can stand to be around him when he gets philosophical. And I mean no one. Not even Yellow. His philosophical questions don't even make any sense.

Bonus main trio hcs:

-Yellow is autistic and has ADHD :)

-He loves to be picked up!

-ofc he's a puppet but I hc him to be somewhere between 4 and 8 instead of being 48😃 bc... [SPOILER AHEAD] no way he went from being 38 to being 48 the same day on wakey wakey.

-Red is also autistic.

-He learned Yellow will stop crying if he carries him. So he does.

-Sometimes he'll sleep on his bed with him too if that means he can help him sleep better.

-Duck reads bedtime stories for Yellow.

-If he's talking too much Red will pick him up by the scruff of his neck as a kitten as a sweet and silent way of telling him to please please please shut up.

-He has a short temper, just like Tony.

This got super long I'm sooo sorry I just love talking about them </3

[ectonurites]

thoughts on todays releases?

OKAY I'm a bit behind on a few books so I don't have commentary for everything but to go over what I did get a chance to read [spoilers ahead!!!!]

Aquaman: The Becoming #4 - Admittedly I've been going into this book with very little knowledge of recent goings on with any of the characters, so it's been a lot of just taking things at face value (which is def different than me approaching Bat comics where I may notice inconsistencies with recent things more) but I thought the lore stuff about Jackson's mom today was really interesting. I'm not the biggest fan of the 'surprise sibling' trope which was how the last issue ended, but it is nice having like, his mom as part of this so we know yes Delilah is in fact his sister it's not a fake-out or anything, and seeing how that plays out. I also just... love complicated family dynamics, so this is interesting and tense in a way that appeals to me. I'm curious how Lucia's side of the story might differ though based on how she said Meeka was twisting things.

Detective Comics #1046 - WE LOVE TO SEE STEPH REFERRING TO HERSELF AS BATGIRL! Like I know she is officially one of 'The Batgirls' but getting to see her use the singular 'Batgirl' for herself just... feels so good. Also getting to see her interact with Helena! We love purple girls, and just the way Steph is always trying to help. In general Helena's stuff in the 'tec run has been really interesting so far, the visions as a lingering side effect from the Vile stuff is really cool and I'm glad they've kept it going. I'm super looking forward to Shadows of the Bat also, which this kinda helped move pieces into position for that since it starts next issue. While I do think that the concept of Arkham Tower- putting a version of Arkham in the middle of the city- is just absurd in so many ways (when I first mentioned to my mom that was a thing she burst out laughing because how the hell does anyone in-universe think that's a good idea) I'm still really curious to see how it's all gonna play out.

DC Vs. Vampires #3 - Hal basically being just the [gunshot warning in video] Eric Andre: Who Killed Hannibal? meme about Barry's death has been too funny ever since the preview dropped. Overall I'm so along for the ride with this, it's just vampire chaos. ALSO ZATANNA.... QUEEN.... queen. Adore her design here. The ending was a fun thing too, I think Hal & Diana choosing Bruce of all people to frame for Barry's murder is gonna be a fascinating choice when we get to the start of the next issue, just seeing the discussion that brings. The guy with the biggest thing against killing being framed. It's bold. Daring. OH also Dinah, Roy & Ollie having their little group... love it. Like last issue we saw the Bats together as a family unit so I'm glad we can see other hero families having a similar idea.

Robin #9 - We love the power of friendship and teamwork! Truly embracing the shonen anime vibe of this whole run so far. Alfred's ghost's presence in the book has been something I've loved so far, and the way he was used in this issue I especially liked. Altho I really dislike Rose being like 'stop flirting!!!' when Damian and Flatline just talk to each other like sgdfhgfh they will just be having a normal conversation and everyone's like 'ugh get a ROOM' like. I'm tired. I hope that stops soon, because otherwise I do really like Flatline & her interactions with Damian. I don't even mind it being a romantic thing between them (like, Damian's 14 now, that's when Tim was having all sorts of romance plots back in his Robin solo) but having others comment on it that way makes it feel forced when there is an interesting dynamic forming there that doesn't need that. Also the ending was such a cool OH SHIT moment I'm so so so curious to see where things pick up with that next issue, and how he's gonna get back to the present/what new things about Ra's he's gonna find out in the past.

Task Force Z #3 - Bringing up Jason's thoughts about killing in direct relation to Alfred's death? Which provides some reasoning that actually... makes his choice to stay away from killing for the time being make a bit more sense for him, connecting it to his own guilt and loss? Then having Hanna suggest he forgive Bane for what he did... and him at the first available opportunity where he knew it'd actually mean something basically saying 'fuck forgiveness' and pushing Bane off a building for what he did to Alfred? Telling his higher-ups that Bane's gone- attempting to ensure that he won't get more Lazarus Resin to come back to life so essentially trying to re-kill him? HELL. YEAH. (solicits for future issues do let us know that Bane's def not staying dead, but hey, Jason tried) Again, I wouldn't have gone down this 'no killing no guns' path with Jason in the first place, I still don't like it as a general direction, but this is at least going down that path in an interesting way. We love revenge, revenge is a very Jason thing. Also the ending! I really hadn't been thinking all that much about who Crispin might be so him actually being Two-Face was a fun reveal. In hindsight, the pair of twin scientists was probably a clue. Like we knew he'd be involved in the book from solicits for future issues but this wasn't the way I expected it.

Teen Titans Academy #10 - So as a whole, I've definitely thought the strongest parts of this book have been focusing on the new students/new characters, and this issue had some Dane & Red X stuff that I thought was at least like, interesting. Dane saying his father is 'The Dark Lord'/Dane being called the Antichrist plus his physical similarities to how DC's Lucifer has been depicted (especially with his wings now like. come on) is just making me 👀 like are they gonna namedrop him? And of course, there's the main reason I'm still reading this book, I am curious what the deal is with Red X. I liked him in this issue being less of the just mysterious shadowy figure and a lot more of a vulnerable kid, plus him choosing not to leave Dane when he could have. I really didn't like the bits with the senior Titans in this issue though, idk. As a whole them being teachers and shit in the first place still feels so weird to me, it's super just not my ideal dynamic for a version of the Titans. All the 'Mr.' and 'Ms.' usage with their hero names just sounds so silly every time. The bit I disliked the most though was Roy misgendering Stitch like.... I get the reasoning, Roy only just got there and hasn't really met them before this moment, but hghghgghhh just didn't like it!! Did not think it was necessary.

so ya! my disjointed thoughts.

[manny-jacinto]

i guess i just need you to explain what exactly ted is guilty of, because even if he accidentally hurt nate’s feelings, nate’s actions are his own. having your feelings hurt doesn’t give you permission to hurt other people

hi anon, sorry i took a while to answer, i was on a trip for a few days!

i’d like to point out again that i genuinely think that ted has never purposely tried to hurt or belittle nate in any single way, it's just the way how everything was fleshed out and how nate (sometimes poorly) interpreted it. i should rewatch s01 and s02 to perfectly answer your question but i really don’t have the time :( so, sorry, this will be fleshed out very quickly from my memories and i might be wrong or have forgotten stuff 

i am also going to base this answer based nick mohammed’s tweet. he made very good points in those tweets that you can see here and so i’m gonna make a very small list below. it’s my own interpretation and of course, it could have been resolved with better communication and that’s “la faute à pas de chance” like i’d say in french: 

the moment when nate said he’s gonna take care of isaac’s situation and ted kindly mocks him is truly offensive imo. it’s a light joke, i am aware of it but small jokes hurt the most. nobody pays attention to them but the person who receives it is deeply impacted by it. ted rubs it off as a pure joke and i think he could have let nate have a chance to prove he could do it!

nate has indeed acted super shitty this season and ted didn’t notice it. i am very well aware that it is none of ted’s business but shouldn’t friends notice when someone acts weird? shouldn’t it be a little concerning? ted asks multiple times to coach beard ‘is there an issue there?’ and coach beard says there isn’t. maybe ted could have checked it out a little bit more? 

i think it’s also interesting that we never saw a lot emotional conversations between nate and ted. ted has a lot between jamie, roy, rebecca but with nate (except for the one time ted apologises to him), there was never a defining moment where you could feel them bonding? i don’t think they ever talked about nate’s dad or anything else than football so it’s always been a work relationship somehow?

ted is a lovely human being but i think that sometimes he is so good that when he messes up, people get more disappointed. remember at the beginning of s02 when sam tells him his dad is glad he’s their coach because he could never do something to hurt them? and then ted calls jamie - the one person who mercilessly bullied sam throughout s01 and that sam never wanted to see him again - and you can see in sam’s eyes he was slightly disappointed as soon as jamie walked in the pitch? ted knew it would hurt sam and he did anyway and i’m glad he did because jamie grew up so much this season and jamie and sam became friends and that’s amazing! but imagine if he did not and remained a selfish imbecile? it would have been so hard for sam :/ 

and so ted inviting roy to the coaching staff without letting nate know first was kinda similar imo. nate must have felt pushed away (and AGAIN, not ted’s fault, nate’s feelings overwhelmed him) because no one asked him his opinion about that while they’re all supposed to be a team

ted and coach beard are two peas in a pod. they get along extremely well and share the same braincell somehow? their difference make their strength and they’re just a dream team. i think in ted’s mind, nate has joined their special coaching team and. it’s all very natural and effortless to be with coach beard. sometimes they don’t talk and it’s fine cause they still don’t understand each other and so ted might think it’s the same thing with nathan? but it is not? nate needs communication (and reassurance - and yes it’s not great but a lot of people do) and ted doesn’t know about that. he’s been so used to coach beard’s quietness that he doesn’t realise it’s not the same for everyone - including nate!

ted also barely lets know of his struggles. he did them let know he has panic attacks but he mentions it so ‘casually’ with such confidence that it might be so confusing. honestly if someone came to me and was laughing and all smiley about a nervous breakdown, i’d think they’d have it all under control (which i know is messed up). where i’m trying to head with this is that nate probably feels like ted has everything under control and like it has been mentioned by other people, nate’s communication is strength. he wants to show he is good and so he doesn’t let know about ted about a bunch of stuff and his feelings because since ted doesn’t mention it, he shouldn’t either ...

also this is not a valid reason but i still wanted to point out that since the moment ted suggested nate to get a suit, each of nate’s suits has been TOO SMALL. i don’t know if it was made on purpose to show how awkward and clumsy he still was in a powerful outfit (if it was, it’s brilliant, rupert may have told him and it must have enraged nathan). anyway, TED SWEETIE YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM THAT HIS JACKET WAS TOO TIGHT. IT’S BASIC DRESSING IN A SUIT 101. 

so yeah, all of these points are just some quick thoughts gathered on the moment i’m sure i could be wrong and that there might have more things that will come up to me later. i want to say that i am very well aware that ted is not a mean person. i just wanted to point it that his positive nature is amazing but positiveness isn’t the key (i mean the movie inside out has perfectly explained how sadness can lead to happiness!) to everyone’s problems. 

it was never ted’s attention to make nate feel that way. in a way, you can say that ted indeed has done nothing wrong because he did.... well... nothing? 

but being passive in a relationship can do damages so yeah ted, i know you thought you did your best but nate needed more help, more than a little push (like jamie or roy) to get better. it was not your business, i know that but i know that if you knew all that, you’d have done more for nate because you deeply care about him and you wish nothing but the best for him :(

[july-19th-club]

Recap for Roswell: New Mexico S2E09: “The Diner”: flashback city 

4/5 ⭐s

“The Diner” is one of those episodes where Roswell decides it’s going to play around with form and be non-linear, so much of the episode is told in flashbacks within flashbacks: the ‘present’ is Liz at the diner with Kyle and his justifiably angry date; the most recent flashback is Michael and Izzy’s conversation with Walt; all the other flashbacks are either Walt’s stories about the Bronson-Nora-Louise family or Jesse’s stories about why he fucking hates aliens so goddamn much (except, like, not anymore, because he doesn’t feel like it, or so he’ll tell anyone who talks to him about aliens because he thinks people believe him when he’s lying). 

    We open on Liz, who’s closing the diner for her dad while he’s driving Rosa to treatment. Who should show up on this long sleepless night but Kyle and Steph, who are venturing beyond the confines of the operating theater to beg an old friend to cook them some burgers. Kyle and Liz wind up having a whispered argument in the kitchen about two things they both feel vaguely guilty about: Liz can’t let go of the idea of looking more into alien DNA applications, despite the siblings’ many very good reasons it’s just not worth it. And Kyle refuses to tell his girlfriend that he knows about her very serious condition, until - still frustrated from the kitchen bitchin’ - he blurts it out over dinner. She’s mad he snooped in her records, and was looking for a relationship where her health didn’t come into it, so she walks out. Isobel walks in.

    FLASHBACK: meanwhile, earlier in the night, Iz and Michael take his boss, the loveably crotchety Walt Sanders, out for drinks as an incentive for him to open up about his traumatic childhood. We know he was there for Michael when he needed a couch and a meal in high school, and we now learn that he is paying forward the parenthood Roy Bronson once extended to him. 

    FLASHBACK: we see the day they met. We flash forward a couple months to the day Nora and Louise arrived at their door. We learn they picked their names out of a book, but we don’t learn the names they left behind when they crash-landed. Flash forward again to the week of the county fair, the same week they were discovered. Roy feels it’s been long enough that they’re safe to do a public activity together, and that Nora, being white, has a better shot of winning big with her pumpkin launcher. She says some stuff about how someday the world will move past prejudice, and Roy’s like, “Nice, but we live here.” He also suspects she’s got more going on than a homemade gourd trebuchet, and he’s absolutely right. Like Michael after her, she’s thinking about spaceship construction. As far as she’s concerned, she can’t afford Louise’s optimism about earth, and she has to keep Louise safe to ensure the subsequent safety of some child. One gets the ominous sense that she’s not even talking about her own son here (Michael, of course, assumes she means Max, and is plunged into another episode of abandonment over it). 

Flash forward again: after the fair. Day before the raid. Throughout the story, Michael is skeptical that any of what Walt tells him is even real - after all, he’s a drunk old guy, Michael has trust issues, and he thinks it’s entirely possible he’s just coming up with what he thinks they want to hear. But this drunk old guy has been sitting on a bag of undisclosable trauma his whole life, and maybe he’s just glad to have a chance to finally tell it as fully as he’s able. Michael doesn’t want another recap of the massacre, but we go through it anyway, once more with little clarity. Walt, after all, was hidden in a crate against a wall by Nora just before the troops came in, and only knows flashes of what happened next. He’s covering his face for most of the shooting, and still some shrapnel from the crate, losing his eye. But he makes it out of the box, and the barn - Nora, always paranoid and thinking ahead, had opened up the wall in case one of them would ever have to hide in there. 

Walt stumbles away, seeing Louise’s body and those of several neighbors before he makes it to the field. Seventy years later he still feels survivor’s guilt. As the only person left who knows the location of the pods, he keeps an eye on them, until one day the siblings have woken up and gone. When Michael is a teenager, he even attempts to put himself down as a foster parent, though his applications get routinely denied; when he admits this, Michael breaks down in tears at the knowledge that the care he was always so starved of was not for lack of someone trying after all.

    FLASHBACK: this one from Jesse Manes, from whom Alex demands some transparency re: great-uncle Tripp, who he says was rarely mentioned at home. There’s not much to mention, at least as Jesse tells it - he was murdered some time after the raid by a vengeful surviving alien, and it’s one of the reasons behind one of Jesse’s many brands of bigotry. What little we see of him from Jesse’s perspective is of a fairly nice guy; he’s investing in Arturo’s bid to buy the Crashdown, though he also dispenses advice from the classic Manes catalog: everything you do is a kind of war, and you have to win it. Niceness doesn’t do much to dispel a legacy of violence. What’s interesting is the fact that this scene posits Jesse was once a...well, a less racist guy, before a gradual radicalization. For me, this bit of past humanization is too little, too late...and it’s also coming from Jesse himself, which means there’s every chance he’s bending and smoothing over parts of his personality (both then and now) because his audience is Alex, who’s still looking for any scrap of decency in the man. Also I was right about him being more recovered than he acts like.

    FLASHBACK: When Michael and Alex meet to compare notes, Alex agrees that our heroes’ reading of the story they’ve pieced together from mostly secondary sources could be wrong. He’s reminded of his father’s assumption that Michael was seducing him versus the reality of their organic bond, so he takes the concept a step further: under the supposition that Nora and Tripp were, if not lovers, at the very least allies, we get another take on the night of the raid. In this version, Tripp tries to warn the family but is thwarted by his brother, Roy still dies (shot by Harlan), but based on later evidence, Louise made it out, and Tripp let her go. He also seems to be the man to suggest Caulfield-like proceedings in the first place, so we’re still not looking at a bona fide hero, but possibly a more nuanced involvement with at least one alien. 

    Meanwhile, all in the present timeline, Max is picked up by his old boss Sheriff Valenti when he wakes up from last episode’s attack, disoriented and with Charlie Cameron nowhere to be found. Michelle has had it up to fucking here with his disseminating and his showing up in weird places, and she promptly arrests her ex-deputy and (rather compassionately) Poirots him. Unfortunately for her presentation, which is really very thorough, her correctness about the events of Noah’s death are still super wrong as concerns motive and aftermath, and the more she extrapolates, the more she sees Max everywhere, even places he can’t reasonably have been - like the scenes of all three kidnappings. If I was Max, I’d head off Michelle’s investigating with a good old half-truth: no, he’s never been to Mexico, he actually spent his missing months having a serious heart condition and getting treated for it, which would also nicely absolve him of the kinds of strenuous kidnapping and murdering activity he’s being accused of. But he’s Max, so he does not think to do this. Kyle bails him out with it instead. As a parting act of confidence, Max tells her a little bit about the Noah situation, though how much she’ll believe remains to be seen.

    The other Michelle lede is that she wants to talk about the siblings’ childhood, since she knows they were abandoned and therefore have traumatic pasts. Max denies any trauma responses in his recollection (thinking of growing up with his very caring upper-middle-class parents), but Michelle says when she used to visit the kids before they were adopted/fostered out, he was often incredibly upset. She also says he was the wall-drawer, not Michael, who was merely holding the wrong crayon at the wrong time when the Evanses showed up. Apart from reminding us that the Evanses, for all their care, are deeply oblivious people, we have another nod to the idea that Max’s pre-pod time was more ‘small room underneath Omelas’ than ‘happy family he just can’t remember’. 

CHIPS OFF THE OLD BLOCK

Young Arturo in his little bow tie and his eighties decor! I don't have anything else to really say, I just love him is all. 

With all of the ways in which Nora seems so similar to Michael, I’m just waiting for narrative confirmation that bursts his bubble completely about her. Even when he’s told things about her that reveal a more pragmatic, and perhaps even opportunist, side to her, he remains painfully hopeful that, if they’d ever known each other longer than three minutes, he’d have loved her and she’d have loved him and they’d have gotten along famously. But nobody’s parents are that uncomplicated. He’s gonna speedrun childhood disillusionment for the second time. 

At what point are we going to address the elephant in the Steph: the fact that I’m still pretty sure she’s, if not an alien, at the very least an alien descendant. Her having a serious and (it sounds like) terminal blood disorder’s gonna really put a pin in Liz’s ‘universal vaccine with alien antibodies’ theory.

Michael standing angstily by the bar doorway, posing with his hat and his foot up on the wall, just so that when Alex shows up he’ll see him looking Like That: also big part of the bi agenda. See the boys as they walk on by in-fucking-deed. 

(With shrinkingly vulnerable eyes): “You came.” (With the fondest smile a man could ever muster): “You asked me to.” Jesus fucking christ. Ohh we can date other people we can be normal about each other we’re being sooooo fucking normal regular guys behave this way around their old flames all the time. This is normal. Shut the fuck up.

Alex knowing which booth has secret shit stored behind it based on the knowledge that the men in his family are so allergic to aesthetic appreciation or sense of beauty that it couldn’t possibly be just the light hitting it nice. 

Line of the episode also goes to Lily Cowles’ delightfully blase Izzy kink convo: “It’s all about the headboard, okay, because decent restraints are gonna turn your cheap furniture into Swedish sawdust if your partner’s doing their job right.” Never change, babygirl. Would love to be tied up and showered in sawdust by you. 

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Happy Half-Anniversary

It’s been exactly six months since Alastor and Sir Pentious aka Telly @usedhearts got together. Alastor remembers this! Telly does not. Alastor’s using this advantage to launch an evil surprise.

The evil surprise is a romantic dinner date.

And a very significant bit of love magic.

Alastor

Most people would consider having a partner with only a vague sense of important calendar dates to be a downside. Alastor, on the other hand, thought it was a perfect opportunity to set up a romantic evening on an extremely predictable day and still have it be a pleasant surprise.

The only risk was that Telly might get involved in something else before Alastor could launch his surprise. So to head that off:

🎶 Keep your schedule clear this evening! I'm making one hell of a dinner!

Telly

Telly had no plans, except of the evil variety. And those were more overarching, than set to a specific day or evening. So, when he got the text, he smiled.

🎩  Of course, my love! I will look forward to it. 😄

Alastor

🎶 Wonderful! Then I'll see you tonight! <https://youtu.be/JVBYDZrQqyM>

And with that, all that was left to do was prepare dinner: a five-course meal, half of the ingredients stealthily prepared over the past week so that he could get them ready as quickly as possible tonight, mixed with a quick trip to the bathroom to ensure he'd look his absolute best by the time dinner was ready. By the time he broadcast a message on the ship PA calling Telly to the kitchen, four dishes were laid out on the counter, ready to go, and the dessert nearly ready to pop in the oven.

Telly

Telly had made sure to clean up himself before it was time, knowing when his beloved partner-in-crime liked to have dinner served. He slithered into the kitchen a minute or two after being called, a smile on his face.

"Good evening, darling." He glanced at the table and let out a soft whistle. "My, my, what a spread you've prepared! What's the occasion?" He said in a joking tone.

Alastor

"Funny you should ask!" Alastor swept over to Telly with a plate of deviled quail eggs, pecked him on the lips, and then offered the plate. "Today just so happens to be our six months anniversary."

Telly

Telly had taken an egg and it was halfway to his mouth when what Alastor said fully registered. He frozen and his eyes widened, before he let out a high whine.

"Oh my god, I forgot! I'm sorry, my dear, I....you know how I am with time and dates, my apologies." He looked contrite-- even as he finally ate the deviled egg.

"Mm, these are very good," He mumbled.

Alastor

Alastor laughed. "I knew you would! Which gave me the perfect opportunity to surprise you, didn't it?" He winked, smirking impishly. Like he's just pulled off a hilarious prank instead of a romantic dinner.

"Good, I'm glad! I don't use quail eggs very often, but, *well,* I thought the occasion called for something a little less pedestrian than mere *chicken* eggs."

Telly

"Oh. Oh!" Telly perked back up and smiled, taking another egg to pop into his mouth. He laughed softly. "You're not angry that I forgot then?"

He wrapped an arm around Alastor's waist and pulled him close, kissing his cheek. "Happy Anniversary, darling, all of this looks absolutely delicious, and you certainly did surprise me!"

Alastor

"Certainly not! I know how you are, *mon roi*—if I'd needed you to remember it, I'd have been reminding you for the last three days."

He kissed Telly back and took an egg for himself. "It should be a spectacular dinner, I think! Dessert still needs to be popped in the oven, but—ah..." Suddenly self-conscious, he said, "Well, that's... I'd like to talk to you about that first, actually."

Telly

"Talk to me about dessert? I would think that by now you'd know exactly what I like." He laughed, and then slithered to take his seat at the table. Telly leaned his elbow on the table, and then set his cheek in his hand.

"What is it about this dessert that needs discussing?"

Alastor

"I should hope I do! But no, it's an extra ingredient I wonder about." He took a seat as well, reaching across the table to take Telly's hand. "So. There's some magic designed to—tie two people together. Or strengthen the tie if one already exists. Sometimes it's used to make sure a loved one comes home—my mother made me a special dinner before I shipped off to war to guarantee I'd come back, I think half the mothers in our neighborhood did. And sometimes it's used to try to ensnare somebody—that's where you get those love potions that leave a target completely obsessed."

Alastor squeezed Telly's hand. "Now, I don't think either of us needs a love potion." He laughed wryly. "But, well—we're a couple of dangerous people doing dangerous things in the most dangerous place imaginable. Deck's stacked against us. If we can get one more power out there working to keep us together and make sure we keep coming home to each other, I think we could use it. And this fits the bill." He nodded toward the unfinished batter.

"The downside is if this ever does go wrong and we need to break things off, it'll be a hell of a lot harder, and it'll hurt a lot more, because we'll have to fight against magic that's fighting to keep us together. We'd be gambling on the hope that we're never going to want to separate. And if you don't want to take that chance, that's fine, I pop dessert in the oven the way it is and we'll have a delicious chocolate loaf. But... well." He smiled crookedly, an oddly vulnerable look in his eyes. "A few months ago I wouldn't have been this kind of foolish romantic. But today I am—if you are, too."

Telly

Telly listened, his thumb rubbing against Alastor's hand where they were clasped on top of the table. His head tilted as he thought, and once Alastor was finished speaking, he let out a soft laugh.

"And you said _I_ was moving fast." He snickered again. "I jest, love. That is certainly an interesting idea. I've always thought of love potions as just the types that make someone fall in love, I didn't know they could be used for more."

He took a breath. "I think the benefits would outweigh the risks. We've conquered every hurtle so far with our various relationship issues. I think we can conquer anything else that would come our way. So, in short, yes. Let's do it. You know how security conscious I can be, so something that tipped the scales moreso in our favor, _I_ am in favor for."

He smiled brightly. "How do we do it?"

Alastor

He winced. "I know. I know it's fast." And hid his face behind his free hand. He was, in fact, embarrassed at himself. He wasn't quite betting his whole future on Telly, but he was sure betting a big chunk of it. That wasn't like him.

But Telly said yes. Alastor half-lowered his hand to watch Telly as he spoke, then finally lowered it completely when he finished. They were doing this. He squeezed Telly's hand again, beaming. "There's not much left to it. I dump in a few more herbs, we both add a few drops of blood—it could be any bits of ourselves, but I think blood's more appealing than spit and dandruff, personally—then mix it thoroughly and bake it like any other cake."

Telly

"Blood makes sense." Telly nodded, and then his face blanked momentarily as a thought burst into his head unbidden.

"I don't want to use this particular thing, but I must ask, would semen work for it? Since it is a part of us and everything. Good Lord, that's embarrassing to say, but my brain will not let me not know!" He laughed as he rose and slithered over to the counter.

Alastor

"Ha! It'd work just fine!" He joined Telly at the counter, wrapping an arm around his waist. "I've heard of girls trying to catch guys by mixing their juices in a meal for him. I've never heard of it ending well, but then it tends not to when you use magic to force someone with no interest in you to suddenly become obsessed."

He picked up a cup he'd already prepared with a mix of herbs and spices, most of them ground too small to be distinguishable except for some shreds of dried rose petals. He dumped them in the bowl, then offered a small, sharp knife to Telly that looked like it would be more at home on a witch's altar than in a kitchen. "Would you care to do the honors?"

Telly

"The honors for you, or for myself? Because I think it would be quite romantic for us to prick each others' fingers and all. Romantic and ritualistic in a way that feels thrilling to me." He took the knife and balanced it in his hands, his finger pressed against the tip to inspect the blade.

Alastor

Alastor's eyes lit up. "I meant for yourself, but I like your idea better." He tugged off a glove with his teeth and offered his hand to Telly.

Telly

Telly smiled, and then very carefully took Alastor's hands. He singled out his index finger, holding it and the knife in sure grips. Telly slowly pressed the tip of the knife into Alastor's fingertip and then squeezed it to make the blood appear. Holding it over the bowl he made sure the drops landed before pulling his lover's hand to his mouth, and sucking on it, with a grin.

Alastor

Well hello there, don't mind the sudden music when the knife pricks his finger or the way it swells when Telly slips Alastor's finger in his mouth. Alastor tightened his arm around Telly to tug him closer, pressed his face to the crook of his neck, and muttered, "You can keep the whole damn finger if you want."

Telly

Telly's tongue lapped against the fingertip, and after a few moments, he pulled it free. He took a towel from the counter and gently wiped Alastor's finger clean. He removed his own glove and offered Alastor the knife, handle first.

"Your turn," He said, voice a bit thicker than normal.

Alastor

He pecked Telly on the lips as he  took the knife. "All right..."

And then stopped. Knife to Telly's fingertip, but pressing no further. The thought of breaking the skin made his heart leap into his throat and his blood run cold.

Stupid. It was just enough for a couple of drops of blood. "Tell me if I go too far, darling." Carefully, he pressed the knife just barely hard enough to draw a pinprick of blood.

Telly

Telly only smiled, not even a wince when his finger was pricked. "You're fine, darling. It's only a pinprick, I'm fine." He moved his hand to hold it over the bowl, as he leaned in to kiss Alastor's cheek.

Alastor

"Right. Right, I know." Don't mind if he has to take a shaky breath, he's fine. He kissed Telly back more firmly, then carefully squeezed out a few drops of blood, kissed the fingertip, and slid Telly's finger in his mouth to lick the tiny wound.

Telly

Telly's breath hitched just slightly at Alastor sucking on his finger, too. He leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth, purring low in his chest.

"Now it just goes in the oven?"

Alastor

How he loved the taste, but how he hated having to give Telly even the slightest harm to get it. He let go of Telly's finger and pressed a little closer to him to feel his purr. "I've got to mix it and stick it in a pan, but essentially, yes. You can take a seat and work on the hors d'oeuvres while I finish up."

Telly

Telly used the recently pricked finger to tilt Alastor's chin up, and smiled at him before he leaned in to kiss his lips. Slowly, he pulled back, whispering a soft 'I love you' against his lips before separating to go sit back at the table.

"These hors d'oeuvres are delicious, darling."

Alastor

He silently mouthed *I love you* against Telly's lips, then got to work stirring up the mix.

"Aren't they? I'll have to keep the recipe saved." He grabbed another couple of the eggs before they could all be eaten. "Dessert should be ready about the time we finish the main course, assuming we eat like normal people instead of—well—us." He laughed.

Telly

Telly laughed as well. "Yes, thankfully, I think we've gotten better at not devouring all food in sight instantly." And by 'we' he meant mostly himself.

Alastor

"I don't think I have. Hah!" He finally slid the loaf tray into the oven, took his seat across from Telly, and—with a dramatic flourish—the lights dimmed and several lit candles appeared floating over the table. Pulling out all the stops tonight.

"So!" He gestured at the other plates on the table. "We've got roasted oysters for an appetizer—which I'm *told* are an aphrodisiac, you'd have to tell me—" a wink, "—then a shrimp and watermelon salad for, well, the salad, coq au vin for the main course—and of course dessert." An *actual* five course meal, counting the deviled egg hors d'oeuvres, and Alastor was very proud of himself for that. It felt classy.

Telly

"Well, well! Never thought of shrimp and watermelon together, that'll be interesting. And I'm you'll be well aware if the oysters make me randy," He said, giggling as he reached for one. He popped it into his mouth and hummed as he chewed.

"Mm, delicious, but I expect nothing less from something made by my lovely partner-in-crime."

Alastor

"The salad's a recipe from Louisiana," he said proudly. "Or so I'm told, anyway—I didn't learn it in life, a more recent arrival brought it in.

He beamed at the praise, then took a taste himself. Delicious. "I had to sneak to Earth during my lunch break to get all the shellfish. I think it was worth it!"

Telly

"Well worth it. You spoil me with surface foods, it's delightful." He winked at Alastor. He took another oyster, and smiled.

"Any other plans for us other than dinner, darling? I'm yours all night, you know."

Alastor

Check out that utterly sappy look on his face. Who would have thought it was possible with all those fangs. "I like spoiling you."

He took another for himself. "Well, you tell me how those oysters treat you and that might decide our plans." He laughed. "But no—just dinner and the potion, that's all I planned. The rest of the night is free."

Telly

Telly laughed, a nice and loud one, nearly a cackle but not quite. "Well then, I suppose we'll see where things head after dinner-- if I'm not too full to get up to other activities." He purred and took Alastor's hand across the table.

"This was a wonderful surprise, darling. Thank you."

Alastor

"And I hope I'll be able to give you many more." He squeezed Telly's hand. "If you think this is something, imagine what we'll get up to for our real anniversary!" What *were* they going to get up to? He had no idea yet.

"Say! Speaking of planning ahead, do you know what's only a few months away?"

Telly

He smiled and squeezed Alastor's hand. He ate another oyster-- they were almost gone now. "What?" He asked, head tilting.

Alastor

"Mardi Gras!" He's planning WAY ahead. "As stupendous as our last costumes wore, imagine what we can do if they're not last minute! Now's the perfect time to start working on them!"

Telly

"Oh, yes, having more time to plan for that would be wonderful. But what about our plans to get throw away costumes and toss colored swamp water balloons at people?" He grinned, the expression filled with mischief and evil.

Alastor

"Right!" His eyes lit up. "We can do both. Throw away costumes to ruin everyone else's night, and then switch into our nice costumes. Act like we arrived late after the miscreants ran out of balloons and fled."

Telly

Telly giggled wildly. "Oh, very good! How dastardly we will be." He winked.

"Well, I chose the theme last time, so I think it's only fair that you'd get to pick this time."

Alastor

"Won't we! Everyone's going to be miserable but us!" Alastor finished off the last oyster, then slid over his salad plate. "*Well.* I'll tell you what I'm *not* going to do, I'm not going to wear anything that even slightly resembles a *Hamilton* character." He propped his chin in his hand thoughtfully. "You know—I've always been fond of jester costumes at Mardi Gras, but I can't remember the last time I wore one I'd actually put real effort into. Maybe a jester and his king?" A wink. "Or queen, if you want to do drag again? Assuming you won't be embarrassed to be seen with a clown!"

Telly

"Well, proper court jesters were more than just mere clowns, there are some that were known for their acerbic wit! And isn't the jester's job to be sure to please and amuse their monarch?" Telly winked. He started to eat some of the salad-- his face taking a brief journey at the flavors before landing on pleased.

"I think Queen would work better, just from a logistical standpoint, with my tail."

Alastor

"Oh, I know." For a moment there's something dark in Alastor's smile. "There's a special kind of power in being the only person in the room who can sass the king. Not that I want to sass *you,* darling! But, well. Some people have ambitions to be royalty—personally, *I'd* like to be the one person that not even the royalty can touch."

He watched Telly's face closely until his face journey was completed. Good, he liked it! Alastor took a bite himself. "Then a queen you'll be!"

Telly

"We should pick some suitably fancy colors for the outfits as well. Gold will be a must, I think." He winked, taking another bite of the salad.

Alastor

"Oh, gold is *absolutely* necessary. We could go for the traditional Mardi Gras colors and throw in green and purple—nobody would give our palette any points for originality, but...?"

Telly

"Hm...Maybe add in some black to offset the brighter colors as well, tie it into my natural color pallette! Maybe by then, I could change the pink of my eyes to a purple or green to go along with it." He smiled brightly.

Alastor

"I like the pink of your eyes." He batted his eyelashes adoringly, playing up the besotted lover. "You're the only person I know who makes pinkeye look good."

Telly

"I know you do, darling, but the costume's demands are what they will be." He batted his eyes back. He finished his salad and hummed.

"I think it's time for the main course!"

Alastor

The plates magically slid themselves in place. "I do like that idea—purple, green, gold, and black."

Telly

"It sounds like a plan. What era of royalty would we be styling ourselves after? I suppose a French look would be better considering." He shrugged, and started in on the main course. An almost obscene noise came from him at the first taste.

"This is delicious," He said, taking another bite.

Alastor

His smile threatened to split his face in half. There was *nothing* better than watching Telly eat the meal Alastor had lovingly prepared for him and hearing how much he enjoyed it.

"I don't do chicken nearly enough. But I had a nice Burgundy on hand, so I thought, well, why not mix things up for a special occasion?" He tasted his own. Not bad at all. "Now, this is the part where the American in the room admits he doesn't know the first thing about different royalty eras. You could slap an ermine coat and a crown on anybody and tell me 'That's the fourth king of Prussia, 1305 to 1324!' and I'd say 'Your Majesty!'"

Telly

Telly laughed, shaking his head a bit. "Well then, I suppose you'll have to do some research! I'm afraid I was never one to pay attention to the royalty of the time, I was too busy. But I heard the era right before the revolution was interesting aesthetically." He shrugged a bit, then took another bite.

Alastor

"We'll have to look into it! And see who had the fanciest jesters. As long as I get to wear the little bell hat, I won't compromise on that!"

Telly

"Well, of course you get a little bell hat, you wouldn't be a jester without it!" Telly laughed, taking another bite.

"Did you want to check on the cake, love?"

Alastor

"It's on a timer!" He said this so proudly. Look at him with his timers for his cakes. Makes him feel like an adult who's got his shit together.

... But now that Telly asked he was paranoid. He leaned over to the oven, pulled it open a crack, and peered in. "It looks fine!" And shut it. "It should be just a few more minutes."

Telly

"Time enough for me to finish this off then," He said, smiling. He hummed as he continued to take bites.

Alastor

"Exactly as I planned it!" And he turned his attention to finishing his own plate as well.

Telly

A few more bites, and Telly finished, sighing in delight. "That was a most delicious meal, my darling. And the cake will be a lovely end to it."

Alastor

"I hope so! Niffty certainly didn't complain about the recipe!" A thoughtful pause. "Although I never heard back from that young man she was trying to enthrall." A shrug! No news is good news, probably.

Telly

Telly let out a cackle. "Oh, so you used her as a test subject, eh? How unethical of you." The grin on his face made it clear he enjoyed that bit.

Alastor

"*Au contraire*, she *volunteered!*" He grinned wickedly. "Now, that boy she's had wrapped around her finger the last few days—*he* was a test subject."

Telly

"An unethical test subject! Be still my beating heart!" Telly laughed, dramatically putting the back of his hand on his forehead as he grinned. "You're so dastardly, darling!"

Alastor

"Now, I've done plenty of unethical things in my time; but the *test subjects*—" he leaned across the table to give Telly an adoring look, "—I learned that from *you*, my darling."

Telly

"I'm glad to be such an evil influence, my love." He leaned over and kissed him.

Alastor

Alastor kissed back. He's gonna get his coat on one of the dirty plates and he doesn't care.

Telly

Without breaking the kiss, Telly left his seat and slithered around the table. Settling on his coils, he tugged Alastor closer.

Alastor

*Flexible.* Alastor sank down onto Telly's coils and slid an arm around his shoulders, leaning into the kiss.

Telly

It seemed those oysters were working, because Telly couldn't get enough of Alastor's mouth, tongue flicking in and out. His arms tightened around him.

Alastor

It must be the oysters, because Alastor had them too and he's just as hungry for Telly's mouth. He shifted on Telly's tail, readjusting himself so he could wrap his legs around him instead—

—the oven timer went off—

—and Alastor's footing slipped mid-adjustment, he slid off Telly's coils, and landed on his butt on the floor.

Telly

Telly didn't react in time to catch him, and indeed, was rather stunned to find himself without a deer in his arms a second after he'd been kissing him. He let out a startled laugh and covered his mouth in surprise.

"Oh, darling, are you okay?" He asked, leaning down to help him up.

Alastor

"Please!" He turned his face away, hand held to his forehead. "Don't witness me in my moment of indignity!" Yeah, he's fine.

He accepted Telly's hand, but mainly to kiss it. He got back to his feet, brushed himself off, and turned to the oven. "But, more importantly!" He opened the oven, grabbed a toothpick off the counter to stick in the cake, and examined it when he pulled it out. "Looks done to me!"

Telly

Telly laughed, standing back to his full height as Alastor checked the cake. "Well then, it should cool for a bit, yes? I don't think we want to sear off all our tastebuds with cake that's too hot."

Alastor

"Right you are!" He pulled on an oven mitt to slide the cake out and set it on the stove. It was obviously chocolatey, but sitting in a pan shaped like a bread loaf, and a sprinkling of rose petals on top of the loaf. The petals hadn't come out quite as aesthetically as Alastor had hoped, but then he was a chef, not an artist. It was visible. It got the point across.

Telly

Telly wrapped his arms around Alastor from behind, kissing his cheek and then down his jaw. "I think we have time for a little fooling around while it cools."

Alastor

For a brief moment, Alastor was struck with amazement at the seemingly hypnotic power that libidos held over most human beings, his own beloved included. And then he mentally shrugged and went *eh, sure, why not.*

He turned around in Telly's arms, a disembodied song starting up as he pressed their foreheads together. "Oh..." A nip at Telly's lip. "Maybe just a little time."

Telly

Telly purred, sliding the two of them sideways, so they wouldn't wreck the cake. And then he lifted Alastor onto the counter, slotting his hips between Alastor's legs.  His hand cupped the side of his head as he kissed him.

Alastor

Oh—he liked when Telly lifted him really a lot more than he probably should. He hooked his ankles together behind Telly's tail, hugged him loosely, and hummed along with his own music into the kiss.

Telly

Telly laughed a bit into the kiss, mostly at the humming. His hands slid down Alastor's back, and stroked the tip of his tail. He nipped at Alastor's lips, purring deeply.

Alastor

His tail swished contentedly back and forth on the countertop, brushing Telly's fingers. He took the nip as an invitation and deepened the kiss, seeking out Telly's tongue.

Telly

Said tongue welcomed him, flicking into Alastor's mouth. His fingers continued to play with the tip of the tail, as his own tailtip slid up to wrap around Alastor's leg.

Alastor

You know, he thought he could stay right here for a while. He broke the kiss just long enough to murmur, "Happy half anniversary," and then sank back in.

Telly

Telly got out a 'Happy' in return before his words were swallowed again by Alastor's kiss. He moaned softly against his lips, purring deep in his chest.

Alastor

Well, Alastor should *hope* Telly was happy.

As far as Alastor was concerned, he could keep this right up without change either until Telly got bored with simply making out or until the chocolate loaf had time to cool.

Telly

And Telly was nowhere near bored. He could kiss Alastor all night if they could, and certainly until the loaf was cool enough to eat. They'd have time for more vigorous activities later.

Alastor

Several songs and quite a bit of snogging later, Alastor surfaced from the haze of Mouth with a heavy blink like he was emerging from a hypnotic trance. "Mm—we should... check the..." He pointed toward the cake.

Telly

Telly, equally as out of it, blinked and then nodded. "Yes....the...." He turned his head, as if to remind himself by looking at it. "Cake."

Alastor

"The *cake.*" There was the word. "The *magic* cake." All right, get that fuzz out of his head, time to think straight again. He unhooked his ankles and leaned over to prod the cake pan. "Well, it *feels* cool enough." He pulled out a tray to set the cake on once he'd freed it from its pan.

Telly

"Mm, does it? Good, good." Telly stayed a bit dazed, one hand resting on Alastor's hip. "Do you know what it's going to feel like when we eat it?"

Alastor

"Probably not like anything, really. Unless you're *very* sensitive to magic, which I don't think you are yet." He pulled out a couple more plates and a knife to cut the cake. "If we barely knew each other and one of us was using it to try to force infatuation out of the other, oh, the victim would feel *that.* But since we're already together, it should be more subtle. Imagine if two rocks are already touching each other and then suddenly they turn into magnets. You probably won't notice a change unless you try to pull them apart."

Telly

"Ah, I see." Telly hummed and smiled. "We should feed each other the first bites, just like how we pricked each others' fingers. A nice parallel."

Alastor

Alastor gave Telly the *sweetest* smile. "Someday they're going to make a movie about us, and we're going to have to play ourselves because nobody else will be romantic enough." He pulled over the plates and broke off a bite-sized chunk of one slice. "And we'll be the villains in our own movie, too. All right, at the same time?"

Telly

"Yes, at the same time." Telly grinned, picking a piece off the other slice. He held it out for Alastor to take a bite, and opened his mouth for his own.

Alastor

Part of him still couldn't believe he was doing this. He held out Telly's bite. "Here's to you and me forever." He took his own and kissed Telly's fingertips.

Telly

"Forever," Telly repeated, closing his mouth around his bite, his tongue flicking against Alastor's fingers. He pulled back to chew it and swallow, then grinned.

Alastor

That was that. It was done. Did he feel any different? Some butterflies in his stomach, but he was pretty sure that was from his nervousness, not the cake.

"It's a little on the sweet side." But then he'd flavored it with Telly's tastes in mind.

Telly

"Very sweet, yes. Just like you." He grinned and kissed Alastor. He'd been right, Telly didn't feel any different, which he supposed was a good thing.

Alastor

Kiss! "And here I thought I'd taste a little funny! Like the jester I am." He laughed and fished out a couple of forks for them to finish their slices. "We're going to have to lock the rest of the cake up. Imagine if one of the eggs got hold of it."

Telly

"Ha! I think their feelings towards me would be unchanged, but I doubt you'd want them infatuated with you too!" He grinned and picked up his plate. He took one of the forks from Alastor, and started eating the rest of his slice.

Alastor

"The halls would be filled with scrambled eggs. I wouldn't be able to stop myself." He laughed.

Telly

Telly snorted and laughed. "I wouldn't be surprised, not one bit!" He leaned in to kiss Alastor's cheek.

Alastor

And a return kiss—which left a few crumbs on Telly's cheek. Alastor licked them off without hesitation. A real romantic.

Telly

Telly chuckled. "Once we're finished with the cake, I think we should retire to the bedroom." He leaned in to whisper in Alastor's ear. "I wish to know you carnally," he said, but he couldn't finish the sentence without giggling.

Alastor

Good thing Telly was laughing, because Alastor cracked up immediately, kicking his heel against the cabinet doors. "Would you! Is that what you want! And I suppose you'd like to know me in the Biblical sense as well?" He managed to control his laughter just enough to seductively murmur back, "I think I'd like to know *you* a little better, too." Although he immediately started giggling again.

Telly

Telly laughed harder, wrapping an arm around him. He leaned over to kiss him, even as he still laughed. "Oh darling, I love you."

Alastor

Kiss! "I love you, too."

Then he leaned back to pop the last bit of cake in his mouth. "Shall we?" The dirty plates moved themselves off the table to the sink, and a cake lid drifted down out of a cabinet to cover the remaining cake.

Telly

"Yes, I think we shall!" Telly scooped Alastor off the counter, carrying him bridal style toward their bedroom. "What a lovely halfway Anniversary we've had. Thank you, darling."

Alastor

Someday he was going to get used to being scooped up. Today was not that day. He immediately flung an arm around Telly for support. "Thank *you* for—you know—making it possible."

Telly

"Well, one good thing about my lack of memory in regards to dates, you'll always be able to surprise me!" He laughed, giving Alastor a kiss.

"Now, we shall adjourn to the bedroom!" And off he slithered.

Alastor

"I meant for keeping me around for six months. Can't have an anniversary without a partner-in-crime."

He kissed Telly back. Off to the bedroom they go.

[remythologise]

Anon you got into Ted Lasso here! Just finished 2.01.

Do we ever learn how Trent's daughter Serafina handled being biscuit-less? This is what the people deserve to know.

I assume Keeley and Rebecca are definitely in a lesbian-centric throuple with Roy by the end of s2 and I refuse to look it up. (Can women be friends? Yes, as long as they also fuck. -- me, queen/king of lesbians and wlw everywhere. Trust me; I was voted in.) Anyway, looking forward to their passionate kiss with tongue any minute now.

I already know Nate does bro crimes. Reading the Discourse™, my opinion boils down to: there are way more south Asian folks in the UK than this casting job would indicate. But also, I'm glad they started his negative character development arc by being cruel to someone below him on the hierarchy. Since Ted and Beard have encouraged his cruelty on multiple occasions, and ignored his posturing in 2.01, I personally think they have reaped what was sown.

I hope he gets a chance to redeem himself in s3. If Rebecca can, Nate should get to. (But I also don't know the full extent of the bro crimes.)

Trent has only had like six lines so far but I miss him sooo much.

DANI ROOOJAS!! Boy, they don't give him much of an internal life, huh? I love him anyway. I hope he starts all of his mental breakdowns in bed with multiple women. He seems like a boy who knows how to make it good for everybody and doesn't mind when his x-some partners are more interested in each other.

Re: Jamie. Normally, I LOVE a mean, sad pretty boy with daddy issues (💖 Dean), but he's so boring.

Ted. I love that they don't make him perfect. He's such a sad divorced man. I want him to give Trent every mustache-related fantasy gay men have for whatever reason. wlw/mlm solidarity.

SAM!!

I haven't talked enough about my great idea (i.e. Rebecca and Keeley should f--

Hello anon I’m sorry I took so, so, so long to answer you!! I’ve had a very tiring few months with lots of work 😩 I’ll put everything you sent under the cut here!

First to reply to the above ask — NO WE NEVER FOUND OUT ABOUT THE BISCUITS. Although I’ll be honest/cynical (which is the tone of most of my replies here, apologies) I’m pretty sure this wasn’t planned out as more than anything but a joke about James Lance having a daughter that age.

Hahaha, I think most of the fandom is on the Jamie/Roy/Keeley train I don’t know if I can see Rebecca and Roy together at all (no…) but Rebecca/Keeley for sure!!!

I agree that Nate should definitely redeem himself. Seems ridiculous if he doesn’t. Although he’s also gone so far unnecessarily and in a sort of irredeemable way in some cases.

OH MY GOD YEAH TRENT NOT BEING IN S2 VERY MUCH WAS SO DIRE. I was impatiently awaiting his arrival on screen every week.

100% agree with your assessment on both counts. Firstly that Dani Rojas should have more complexity and is a weird cartoon at the moment but also he DOES seem like a very generous and emotionally healthy person for a relationship like that.

Interested to see if your opinion on Jamie changed! Personally I’m pretty neutral on him overall but he definitely became a more enjoyable character through Season 2.

I definitely agree that Ted NEEDED to be imperfect as did his method of teaching, but I don’t know if they’ve dived into the right angles of ‘fixing’ the gaps in his method yet (if Nate is meant to be Villain forever, etc., if the show will blame Nate and not Ted for that character arc)

Hahaha many people agree with you there!

I JUST FINISHED 2.03 AND I’M SO PROUD OF SAM BUT SO WORRIED THAT HIS GOVERNMENT IS GOING TO RETRACT HIS VISA OR SOMETHING JGSKSKGS. It was nice to see Sam being able to express his politics without being abandoned. It’s such a fantasy world but it’s good to see glimpses of it from the corner of your eye.

It’s not totally beyond belief but it’s certainly very very heartwarming to see even in fiction. Actually if I’m cynical I feel like it’s not THAT unlikely in real life, if the PR department of a company figure they can get media attention and brand loyalty through defying a well-disliked Moral Evil, that might net them more profit than loss.

Nate: Hi I'm growing more abusive every day. Ted and Beard: We've decided not to address it. This will have no repercussions whatsoever. But I really hope that he's allowed to move on and grow from whatever he did. I think power, money, and fame scramble brains; we're all vulnerable to it.

Yeah for sure, I’d be pretty shocked if Ted Lasso the show never brought back Nate over to ‘the good side’. I figure he’ll probably have a redemption arc where he betrays Rupert just before or during a match between West Ham and Richmond next season.

Also. I could Not watch Led Tasso. No idea what happened, and I never will learn, God bless.

😅😅😅

I didn't read all about the black woman therapist stuff (planning on reading the Discourse after I'm done) but I like Dr. Fieldstone a lot. The way the actor plays her feels so anchored in reality that the exaggerated/TV-sized personalities become cartoonish. I'm also not supposed to eat sugar, so I extra enjoyed the biscuit scene. Yes. Undermine the overly-friendly man who assumes he knows more about your body than you do. Make him question everything.

Yeah that’s true, I think Sarah Niles very realistic and understated in her acting!

Trent looked so good. I don't know if Ted noticed but I saw and I think he's gonna get that man. Also, congrats to Sam for making Trent realize there are other stories he'd like to cover.

kjsdflksdlfkjs yeah I think the Trent Crimm look is just very good, just on a character level it’s SO distinct!

Okay, I've put off the next ep long enough. Surely they won't put a deportation story line in Apple TV's flagship show about hope and kindness, Ted Lasso...

Certainly not, the writers seem to sort of MOSTLY exist in a very post-racism post-homophobia post-local-politics world which I have mixed feelings about. But that makes sense for Apple’s flagship show which needs wide appeal.

sorry I don't know anyone who watches this

No no it’s fine!! I enjoyed all your commentary.

LMAAOOO STANDING UP TO FAKE DUBAI AIR BUT ALLOWING NESTLE PRODUCT PLACEMENT. I know it’s Apple TV™ but still

Exactly 🙄

I am. FULLY on Nate's side. GO evil, baby. BETRAY them. WHISPER SECRETS INTO THE EAR OF THE KING, or whatever. Ted: We have to forgive Jamie and bring him back because he doesn't have a very nice daddy. Nate: He tormented me. Ted: Mhm. Nate 10 times a day: I made the fact that I'm unloved and disrespected into a joke, haha. Ted: Beard: Leslie: Nate: Yeah, alright. Nate: I hate myself and you remind me of everything wrong with me. Therefore, I will be a huge jerk. New Kit Man: Okay. Ted: Beard: Dr. Fieldstone who is like down right down the hall: Wow, another free hour of time. It's unfortunate that there's literally no one left to help. That no one feels overlooked, unwanted, and unloved. It's TOO BAD there's an anti-therapy culture here and certain people aren't encouraged...! Nate: I worked for hours and hours on my ability to do one simple, tiny thing that might win me a moment of your approval. Mr. Shelley: (I can't think of anything dismissive and mean enough.) Nate: Okay, I'm going to go SPIT ON A MIRROR which I literally just got done cleaning months ago, okay I'm breaking stride. My first job was as a maid fully 15 years ago and you know what?? I don't fucking spit on mirrors. Who DOES that. I get that it's a self-hating thing but PEOPLE HAVE TO CLEAN THAT, NATHAN. My original point was that he's once again harassing someone "beneath" him. It's just gross, Nathan. Then Roy comes back, and he's tall and beautiful and in a better suit, and everyone knows his name. Of course Nate joins the Sith. To be clear, I'm not suggesting that what he's doing is acceptable. It's just that, wherever he goes, no one on the good vibes good time lovey dovey team stopped him.

No I think for sure the extent to which Nate has been ground down is overlooked, but I think importantly it is a bit of a like… nobody did that INTENTIONALLY to Nate. Idk I do feel like the writing really missed here for me for a variety of reasons, I’m on Nate’s side but only because I’m so annoyed at the racism of it all. They COULD have tapped more into the likely reality of the situation (Nate being overlooked and not paid attention to historically and even when he has power because of his race height etc as part of it vs. Conventionally Attractive White Men) but of course Apple TV doesn’t go that far...

Anyway. How long am I gonna have to watch Keeley beg for Rebecca's strap? She needs it, Rebecca.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 lmao I mean. I’m sorta neutral on Rebecca/Keeley because unless they do something about it, that one suggestive line really does tie into the Homophobic Joke train that I am uncomfortable with wrt Ted Lasso esp. with that Keeley bit in the last episode...

Please note that I genuinely love Ted, Beard, et al. I get that they can't be 100% on top of things all the time, and that this whole season is about therapy being important, and your friends aren't therapists, whatever. It's just that hearing someone say "I care about people with [problem], which is why I treat them differently to you," when you have [problem]? It makes you feel like what you experience isn't real or that you don't have it bad enough or that your emotions just aren't worth bothering about. A kissaroo from me to Ted Lasso, is what I'm saying. I contain multitudes.

Hmm, do you mean that Ted shouldn’t have treated Nate any differently anyway, even if he knew about Nate’s compounding issues? Maybe! Although I guess everyone requires different treatment because everyone is unique too.

Alright, next ep! kdkgdkgzkfskfzlgobllgx HEETTYY GUESS WHO JUST MADE A TINY SAD DIVORCED BOY FACE AND IS 100% MY ANGEL BABY SWEETIE PIE HEARTBEAT DARLING ANGEL KITTEN AGAIN. Also also also can you imaginneee Sam/Rebecca they would be SOOO cute. It’s not going to happen because he’s like 21 but still. They’re so compatible and he’s SO GOOD AND SWEET and!!! she supported him!! even though it cost her money!! So I trust her with his precious heart. Obviously I trust her more with Keeley--

Ha. Well. Great message to read with hindsight.

Nate pattern continues! So he's only visible and worthy of praise and affection when he does something impressive. Twitter, of course, is a corrupting force and must be stopped. But it's like Ted said. We've met Nate's parents, so we know why he's broken. This WHOLE season has been designed around breaking him more. Like I just feel like you're not as vulnerable to Twitter brain rot when you were seen and understood and loved by your family, you know?

Yeah of course!

Can you BELIEVE? I actually liked seeing Jamie on my screen.

I see the S2 Jamie effect is taking hold haha!

Also, Beard is dating my ex. Much love to you, Beard. I wouldn't have listened to Leslie Jr., either.

So sorry for you for having to deal with that then. Although unsure if Beard is meant to end up with her or not honestly.

Also, your icon gives me Rebecca/Keeley/Morgana brain rot. Forget conquering France; they'd take over the moon.

I think definitely any media property couldn’t handle Morgana and Rebecca in it at the same time.

He was mean to Will who still has chubby baby cheeks and now his evilness is evil for real. :( BUT MORE IMPORTANTLYYY Trent Crimm The Independent oh my GOD he dates little string bean mustache men that have a favorite 10-key calculator and can't dress. Ted is his TYPE. I've seen the gifsets of Ted walking away from Trent in his butt-huggin' khakis. I know in my heart he was consuuumed with lust. Trent Crimm The Independent probably ONLY dates divorced men. If you're not 40+ don't even look at him. He wants them a little pathetic and a LOT obedient-- (a shepherd's hook pulls me off the stage

SDLFKJSDFLKSJDF yeah. yeah. Eternally asking why they bothered to put that in if not— but no, this is Ted Lasso. But—

I haven't talked about Roy, but I love him. Kiss kiss. He treats Keeley well and gives her so many orgasms.

He does! Although I found him a little same-y and annoying in Season 2 in contrast to everyone else. His and Keeley’s storylines just went absolutely nowhere.

Dr. Sharon I am free on Thursdays are you free on Thursdays when I'm free ma'am? Doctor? Doctor ma'am?? I promise I am sooo normal haha Me after seeing Coach Beard address A situation: YEAH!!! Me after Nate apologizes publicly to Colin: Hmmm, good start Me after he's mean to chubby baby cheeks: 😱😱😱😱😱

You know the other heterosexual swing the show could take is Ted/Sharon (unethical!) your love IS under threat from more fandom/writing 😱 Yeah uhhhh Nate just got nastier and nastier. Unfortunately.

Sam/Rebecca continues to be a very strong mixed gender ship... Congratulations to Ted Lasso for making me want multiple sets of men and women to interact more, and even romantically. Wild how much I care about all of these weirdos.

I agree I actually really enjoyed their relationship as it was portrayed on the show!

Guy who's only watched Supernatural recently voice: Haha I know this is crazy but do you think sometimes people plan TV shows?

Well. In fairness I vastly prefer Supernatural to Ted Lasso which might be the only defence of the pantser vs. plotter approach I ever make.

Ted, if you leave a stew on your stove overnight, you'll burn down your house. :( :( :( See what Ted needs is a mean divorced 4 divorced gay ma--

So true but laughing that you noticed the pot on the stove at all

LESBOPHOBIA??? MY CRUSH JUST GOT HIT BY A FUCKING CAR "I don't have a husband." Yeah you don't 😏 This ep was wlw/mlm solidarity. Thank you for taking care of my future wife, Ted Lasso.

Yeah although that like. Mistaken boyfriend thing is SUCH (an overused and lazy) trope for setting up romance. Why put that in? Hmm. If they go the route of Ted/Sharon they’re going to piss off approximately 80% of their viewership but it did seem to me like it was being set up there.

I can't BELIEEEVE we got a Sam/Rebecca kiss TWO TIMES a Sam/Rebecca kiss. Is this how it feels when relationships develop on television? There's kisses and implied sex? I wouldn't know because, from what I learned yesterday, the great thing about making up funny little people for television is that they're always open for interpretation. You know what I mean?

lksjflkjaslkdfj what a way to timestamp this ask. 💀

Also, shout out to this fucking show for making me realize that Ted started taking care of his neighbor's dog who bit him once around the same time his dad killed himself. Shout out to the concept of taking care of little creatures when it's hard to take care of yourself. Shout out to pre-mustache Ted, who probably went by Teddy and had chubby baby cheeks. I need. Listen. Listen. People won't leave you if you make them happy, right? [static]

The backstory did explain a lot about Ted’s character, that much was signposted pretty well through the early show, I’ll give them that.

Apple Product Placement Count: I gave up like three episodes in. I hope all of Apple TV's shows are like this. I hope there's a show set in the '80s with some Apple nerd using insert name of original computer here so 1984 feels less like 1984.

It’s very funny that the core premise of the show is like ‘well the magic of iPads means Dad can have a job overseas and STILL connect with you, son!’

I don't understand how these are like, 35 minutes. SPN finale was 38 minutes and there were 12 montages. How did they play and lose a whole game? Also, is it weird to you when you watch shows with a budget? There are so many speaking roles and extras. Everyone has multiple changes of clothes. Characters kiss sometimes. Wild.

On my Supernatural Defence box because again I believe it’s a more enjoyable/lasting show to me than Ted Lasso (Season 2, at least) but certainly there ARE good Supernatural episodes… I don’t think Ted Lasso needs as much budget as it has, frankly, that money could be better spent elsewhere.

(The problem is, that one line from leupagus's masterwork replays in my head every time Ted has feelings: "No," says Trent, his mouth quirking. "That’s what made me want to shove my cock down your throat." Like what am I supposed to do, NOT think about Trent Crimm The Independent? Just because he's not in the episode? Just because he's not in the episode and it's extremely disrespectful?)

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

I fucking love that we don't even see why Roy was sent to the bad boys box. We can imagine what he did to anger the ref. Also, I don't know anything about fancy soccer/football with rules that are enforced, so do they really put coaches in time out? Related: do the fans think it's cool nasty boy behavior, or are they like :o this is a job you are getting paid to watch people play a game do your job oh my gosh. Bridget, did you see what that football manager did? He did a cuss at a referee, whose job is to make sure people are playing a game right, which is very hard. How dare he, Bridget. Oh, I know, Todd. Makes me sick, it does. Those poor referees.

Do you know I have no idea. Although in general Ted Lasso The Show notoriously doesn’t actually have very good research or consistency on the soccer lore (which… the show isn’t about that, or narratively doesn’t NEED to, but still).

You ever watch an episode of television and think "hey wait a minute, this IS an artistic medium that's uniquely qualified to tell small stories in perfect clarity?"

Me watching Supernatural 😛

I think the next ep is the finale... Goodness. I haven't binge watched anything in years. Thanks for going through it with me.

I wonder if binging Season 2 would have changed my opinions of the season honestly. I did enjoy Season 1 thoroughly when I binged it. But there are some weaknesses in Season 2 I don’t think a binge experience would have fixed.

I just want you to know that I am one of those viewers/readers/whatever that just fully invests in the emotions of whatever. I'm SOOO gullible. If the protagonist is a demon whose goal is to destroy the veil between worlds and bring hell on earth, I'll root for them the whole time. Then after I'll be like "hey wait a minute, I live there." All of this is to say: 1. Sam is 21 and if this was reversed I would Simply 2. There are 11 minutes left in the funeral ep and I was wrong 3. IF THEY DO TED/REBECCA AFTER THIS I WILL S I M P L Y 4. What the fuck did Rupert say to Nate. Don’t touch him. That’s MY sad little man in the alchemical process of putrefaction so that the detritus around his soul can decompose and his essence can be purified by fire. You don’t fucking TOUCH Nate, Rupert. 5. I’m just. LITERALLY using Sam as a baby step to get back into dating. Literally literally literally. 6. TO REITERATE. IF SAM GETS HIS PRECIOUS HEART CRUSHED AND TED/REBECCA IS ENDGAME. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 7. Like I know that Sam’s characterization was very Happy African from the beginning. I know that. Unfortunately, I am not immune to smiling men who do their best (see: Ted Lasso, Dani Rojas), even when it’s trope-y and shallow (see: Dani Rojas). I get that a good portion of Sam’s storyline this season was designed to give the white characters a chance to be Good Allies (see: Jamie Tartt esp. but basically all of them). But it’s just sooo. Like. It’s so much more PERSONAL to use his feelings and his body.

I don’t think it’s ‘gullible’ to invest in emotions of characters at all! That’s what fiction is for. Even if they are a demon bent on destroying Earth. I can name anime where you empathise with a protagonist with the same premise. 1) is very valid yeah although at least he’s a consenting adult — the unethical part really is the employment/employee relationship, and the fact Rebecca has power over him. The age/maturity divide makes it unrealistic a relationship would work out generally if it were a real thing but… I don’t know, the way they depicted in the show was almost like ‘true love’ (like lightning, to wit!). Not sure what they’re doing there.

2) and 3) - lkdjflkasjdf if this is in reference to Sam/Rebecca yeah I don’t think they’re going to convince me on Tedbecca where there’s like no existing subtext in the show (to ME, although people disagree) and they’ve just put down this Big Damn Romance with Sam. 4) Well honestly as a Anthony Head / Rupert Supporter (for the fun of it) Nate is really the perfect person to use as a weapon. 5) and 6) yeah it’s bad :/ but again the show SEEMS to be like ‘this is true love unlike her other flings’ so REALLY unsure… ? Fandom/audience reaction is throwing me off my perception of the show in a vaccuum, if that makes sense. 7) Yeah I completely know what you mean, I still love those characters even if they wish they were less trope-y and shallow. And yeah on the Sam issue… well. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But Sam deserves more agency than he has had in the story, historically.

Again, there are 11 minutes left. HHHHHHHHHHHH. I guarantee you though that if they wink in my direction and don't shake their head when I mouth "me?" I will shuffle forward into the bear trap every time.

Well, gosh darn. Shoot. And heck! Got me again. Them writin' folks got me again. Gonna eat my hat, I tell you what. He IS just gonna get more wonderful but dagNABbit.

Oh no, my foot, it is in a bear trap. How did this happen? Who put this there? Why? Except--what's this! It's my distaste for the idea of a white woman getting in between a black man's sense of home and comfort, as well as material gain? My distaste has rusted the hinges of the bear trap!! It has fallen away!! OH, the skin is unbroken--a miracle!!--and I am SAVED by how completely, utterly unequal Sam's two options are.

I normally wake up in 30 minutes, but I haven't slept yet. Instead of commenting on All That, I would like to recommend 2 Pesewas. It's a great podcast hosted by two Ghanaian women. They talk about current events and give music recs. I really appreciate their perspectives on everything. Even when I've heard the story before, their angles are always new to me.

That’s a great recommendation, thanks so much! I’ve got a ridiculous podcast backlog at the moment to get through but hopefully I start doing a lot of podcast-involved chores and exercise in the next little bit and can get to trying it out.

Actually, one comment. Was his display of wealth extravagant: - because he inherited his money last month? - because he’s a billionaire? or - because he’s a wealthy African? It felt very fucking weird. I do think that performance was great, though.

Yeah the politics of this were like. Not great, I felt a bit weird about it. I guess ‘billionaires always bad’ not the worst take but ‘minorities with power trying to change the system are secretly part of it’ not the best take. The thing *I* found most egregious was how Ted Lasso was called out for racism by a villian, therefore making his ‘calling out’ invalid and our white hero remains pure. Which it shouldn’t have been!

Once again I must ask Rupert to fall into the sea and drown. Anyway TRENT CRIMM INDEPENDENT TRENT CRIMM INDEPENDENT TRENT CRIMM INDEPENDENT TRENT CRIMM INDEPENDENT TRENT CRIMM INDEPENDENT TRENT CRIMM INDEPENDENT TRENT CRIMM INDEPENDENT CHECKED! OUT! TED'S! ASS!

LSKJFLKSDLFKJS. Come through S3!

He is sooo embarrassing lmao he was like "is anyone gonna meet this sad divorced man like 6 times privately before deciding to rearrange their whole life because he made you realize there are other possibilities?" but didn't wait for an answer. I!!! would love to hear your thoughts! And I will actually read the Discourse after I, you know, sleep.

I have nooooo idea what they were trying to do with Trent Crimm and what they intend on doing in the future but it is very romantic from that point of view! (And I hope The DiscourseTM didn’t ruin your experience too much!) (And very honoured you wanted to hear my thoughts on things!)

Also I think Nate's villain reveal was fucking cool. Good for him. Be evil!! Live a little!!!! Realize Rupert is using you and that your feelings of inadequacy are calls coming from inside the house!!!!!! THROW RUPERT INTO THE SEA, NATE. Inherit the club via falsified will. Build a mansion with your football club money and buy a silk velvet robe. Write out your memoir and sew the pages into the seams. Walk around in you empty house in your crinkly robe and revel in the way your problems followed you all the way here. They're so loyal, Nate. They'll never leave you as long as you keep the perfect environment for them inside you. Stay with them, Nate. Forever.

Scream I absolutely love this imagery thank you so, so much for this. I’m now in support of Victorian-Antihero style Nate ending!

I'm glad I went into this semi-warned, though. You're right; it was fucked. I especially didn't like the like, predatory/inept lover trope. Go and fuck yourself. Also, why does everyone apologize to Roy for what they did to Keeley?

Right? It was so unnecessary! And that is ALSO a great point I hated although in Nate’s case I suppose because (?) if I’m being generous the Keeley thing was more about the man Nate envied and wanted to be rather than Keeley herself (gross).

For the record, at this time tomorrow, I will be clocked in at work.

I’m so sorry I hope your schedule is all nice and readjusted now!

AHHHH okay that’s all. Except I’m so glad Sam stayed and didn’t make it about Rebecca. He’s right; there’s always a third option. Okay, bye, thanks for listening!!

Yeah although where they’re planning on going from here (and especially with the audience reaction to it all), I have no idea.

khxlhdlgydj so I read through some things. Me seeing Sharon in a corporate flat she hasn’t personalized at all beyond her alcohol bottles and sweet folding bike AND THEN she’s late to therapy which she doesn’t even go to, she has no excuse, like how hard is it to start a phone call on time AND THEN she's mean to pedestrians while riding her cool bike and listening to jams: Ohhhhhhh babygirl,, You: This is nothing to me. Who are you, Dr. Sharon Fieldstone? You're probably right re: the actual depth provided by the show itself. I am just very gay and love both disasters and bikes. To me, she seems like one of those professionally hypercompetent people who prioritizes work because she has control over it. Same reason she writes letters instead of saying goodbye. Also, she's gay. The "I don't have a boyfriend/husband" -> "is she gay?" rumors -> "gal pal brides only practice wedding" pipeline. I just made it up but it's real.

Ugh I HOPE she’s gay and I hope we get more from her next season but who knows!! Have no idea what they plan on doing with her character. She was really shafted for no reason at the end of Season 2.

I agree that Ted showing up at her place was incredibly boundary-stomping. Based on where he was, his actions make sense, but it doesn’t make them okay.

It’s always particularly egregious when Ted Lasso does something Not Okay and the show kind of excuses it or doesn’t address it, I don’t know I found this really confronting and weird behaviour that he got away with because he’s a white protagonist. Certainly I assume it’s the same here as the UK that following a therapist home is wildly aggressive behaviour you’d be justified calling the police over, although the show definitely was trying to portray it more as a friendship thing (despite the fact he was addressing her mostly as a therapist and not a friend).

Agreed, she largely existed to provide emotional growth for a white character. But like… Women. (I listened to the second NPR interview, but haven't read the first Slate article yet.

Oh definitely it’s cool to love characters even if they’re not treated very well by the show they’re in!

Also, thanks for letting me liveblog to you. I didn't realize that Nate specifically was such a tender spot for you; I went into this knowing he leaked something and wanted to figure out why. My innate love of fictional villainy, bastardry, and just being a bit mean on bad days then took over. With that stat that's like 7% of the UK population is Indian, his being the only one on the show is rough.

Oh no it’s okay, I don’t mind and I’m happy to discuss it! Honestly it’s just annoying to see it so uncriticised by reviewers/critics/fans/audiences; that’s the REALLY irritating part to me, that it’s just ignored.

I'm mostly sending this to say: if at any point my asks made you uncomfortable or lessened your enthusiasm about replying, there's no pressure to respond.)

It was a pleasure to receive the asks and reply to them!! Again I’m sorry it took so long - I just finished my semester this weekend haha. I’m glad you enjoyed the experience of Ted Lasso!

[bookofjudith]

So i heard u were talking about ed getting impaled..... do u.. by any chance... have any thoughts on how people might’ve initially reacted when they find out? Or how they found out (NOT HC-BAIT 👉👈)

(NOT HC BAITED) 

please cece. as if i, known hurt/comfort sucker and “let’s explore this emotional trauma all the way down to the very bottom” connoisseur would even THINK about how eds loved ones would react to him nearly dying. as if i-

OF COURSE I HAVE. 

I really think that Al would have become so resigned to the dangerous lives he and his brother were living that if he found out, he would absolutely be upset, but would understand why ed did what he did, and would be able to rationalize that ed is here, in front of him, alive and well, and given what they’ve been through, he can’t really ask for any more than that. 

(not to mention if we contextualize this with the scene from part 1, where ed is 5 seconds away from sacrificing himself for al, I think a part of al, deep down, would be so fucking relieved that ed didn’t just. give up. that him having used his life-force would almost be less of an issue) 

Winry. love of my life. sweet baby girl. the first time she sees the scar is when she’s examining ed’s shoulder and trying to determine whether or not he needs another surgery to remove more of the shrapnel (i definitely HC that central hospital was so over-run post-promised day that a non-life-threatening shoulder injury probably didn’t take precedent, and that when winry saw him before promised day, it was a real-quick tune-up and ed didnt take off his shirt), and then she sees this massive, ugly, gnarled scar on both sides of his torso and dear god, her hands start trembling again, because the last time she saw him stripped down in briggs, he didn’t have that, and what the FUCK happened.

Ed gets real quiet. and tries to explain what happened in a way that doesn’t scare her. but there IS no way to make “i got impaled by rebar through my side and had to use my own life-force to heal it, and i don’t know what the consequences are to that action” NOT scary.  and winry just BREAKS. because she thought they were safe, she thought it was over, she thought she had her boys back home. and Ed tries desperately and unsuccessfully to calm her down and is eventually like “look, I did it for you, alright? I didn’t- I didn’t want to make you cry again!” and his face is all red and he won’t look her in the eyes, and YEAH, they won’t acknowledge it for another three years, but in that moment, winry knows, ed knows, we ALL know. 

roy tries to get him to use the philosopher’s stone once he finds out and ed breaks his nose. riza just grips his shoulder and says quietly “im glad you’re alright now.” 

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Flash Forward: Other bits

Lila

Lila was sitting in a white room dressed in a white shirt and blue jeans. She was eating a meal and looked bored as she did so. Once she was done she looked up.

“If you are finished mask on,” a voice said through the walls.

“You can trust me. I won’t do anything!” Lila replied, sounding charming.  “Miss Rossi you do not have permission to leave your room without a mask. Mask on.” Lila stared at the ceiling before a look of utter rage passed over her face, startling the watchers. She grabbed something sitting next to her and put it on, tying it behind her head. It was a half mask, with slits in the front. Putting it on, a click was heard and she growled, the mask showing it also had a voice program as it came out distorted and computerized. “Thank you.”

Waking out of the room when the door opened, Lila carried her plate and utensils, heading to a window in a wall she put them through. Around her others dressed like her were walking around. Only a bare few had masks though.

“Rossi,” one said, walking by.

“Smith.” She responded, heading through the room and out a door, to where a fenced-in outdoor area was. Lila sat on a bench and just watched people before someone walked up to her. It was Chloé, wearing similar clothes but with gloves.

 “I thought you were avoiding me,” Lila said.

“I was.” Chloé said simply. “But I have news.”

“Oh? The Justice League realize they made a mistake and are letting me go?” Lila mocked. “Please. You knew your magic had people listening to you and believing you no matter what you said. You willingly used your magic on others and turned out to be working with a magical terrorist since you were fourteen until eighteen. The one time they let you go unmasked here you used your magic to spark a riot.” Chloé snorted. “You deserve to be here like I did.”

“Did?” Lila asked.

 “I’m leaving next week. Parole.” Chloé told the girl and Lila snared, the sound menacing in her mask.

“You sided with him just like me! Hell you willingly let him cast magic on you- that’s why you have those damn gloves!” Lila said.

“I know. I was a petty and jealous brat who wanted to be special. I was so mad I would never get the Bee Miraculous back, I was so mad Ladybug didn’t like me. So I foolishly didn’t think of anyone but myself and sides with him.” Chloé told her. “It took me nearly killing my dad just by hugging him to realize what I did. Lila, how do you feel knowing your mother is sick to her stomach when she sees you because of how much magic you used on her?”

“It wasn’t that much.” Lila snapped and Chloe shook her head.

“Your mother can’t be in the same room with you without going into shock.”

“Your mother-“

“Is in jail for insider trading and child abuse,” Chloé said coldly. “And good riddance. But this didn’t about that. This is about me and you.”

“What could you possibly want with me? You hate me.”

“I do. But sadly you’re my only friend here.” Chloé said. “And we’re similar. We both fucked up. Difference is I realized it and am trying. I’m getting out. I’ll never not be able to not wear gloves. My touch with either kill or paralyze anyone. That’s fine- I got offered skin right and skin coloured gloves I’ll be wearing. I get to change my name and appearance and integrate back into society as long as I keep in contact with Canary. That’s great.”

“And you think I can too?” Lila sneered. “I can’t turn off my magic.”

“You can control it you just don’t want to. You’re damn lucky they gave you a mask instead of casting a spell to permanently silence you and you know it.” Chloe told Lila who glared at her in answer. “Lila don’t let the mistakes you made as a teenager affect you now.” Lila didn’t answer as Chloe stood and left her alone in the yard.

Alya

Alia was sitting in a cubicle, working on something. She looked different with her hair in a short bob and wearing a set of business casual clothing. She looked fairly focused as she was typing, only stopping when someone stuck their head into the cubicle.

“Hey, someone’s waiting for you in meeting room B.”

“Thanks,” Alta said, standing up and heading to the room. She looked puzzled as she entered it before a smile crossed her face. “Rose!:

“Alta!” Rose looked older, with her hair longer then it was currently, and her outfit a white sweater and jeans. “It’s good to see you! Sorry about dropping in on you at work…”

“It’s fine. I don’t have any cool stories right now- mostly the normal stuff and that’s pretty easy to write.” Alya told her. “Why are you here?”

“Juleka and I are getting married!” Alya squealed and threw her arms around Rose who laughed and hugged back.

“God! You guys beat the odds! I’m so happy for you!” She pulled away with a smile.

“Thanks! We wanted a reporter covering it- famous model marrying a charity worker so we thought of you!” Alya squealed again and hugged Rose again who laughed. “But uhh…”

“If it’s about Nino it’s fine. It’s been years- we broke up and we can be civil.” Alya said in amusement. Rose winced. Alya frowned at her.

“It’s Marinette.” Alya frowned at Rose.

“Me and Marinette are cool too.”

“You guys stopped being friends so suddenly-“ Rose began but Alya lifted a hand.

“No. We stopped being friends earlier then we thought. Neither of us realized it though until after Lila’s bullshit. It took her telling me to my face she was over Adrien and her realizing I hadn’t talked to her about anything not about the blog for us both to admit we’d stopped being friends. It was new kid friend syndrome. We were buddies but didn’t have a solid enough basis in common interests to remain besties. And that’s fine. It happened.” Alya chuckled. “Didn’t know you were still thinking we had issues.” Rose shrugged but smiled.

“I’m glad you’re okay with that.” Alya chuckled and her smile grew.

“Yeah same.”

Adrien  

 Adrien was working in his classroom, marking papers.

“Ugh,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “What is with teenagers.” He finished the last paper and stood up with a sigh. He put the papers into his desk and begun to get ready to leave when the door opened. “Mylene! Hey.” The woman smiled.

“Hey, just wanted to see if you were staying late. How’s your first month?” The woman came in to sit on a desk, still smiling.

“Pretty good. Thanks for vouching for me. Might not have got the job without it.”

“You could have.” Said Mylène in reply. “You’re a good teacher Adrien- much better than our examples.” Adrien laughed a little bitterly.

“Well not hard.” He shook his head. “... ever hear from anyone?”

“Well, you did get the invite right?”

“Yeah Rose and Juleka. I’m happy for them… just not sure if I want to go. Not sure if everyone wants me.” He looked down at his empty hands for a second. “... after everything.”

“You messed up Adrien. But you were a kid. Rose wouldn’t invite you if she didn’t want to give you a chance. If any of them wanted not to see you.”

“I… Mylène what I was like, what I did… it was wrong. It was disgusting. It took me literally being slapped by Ladybug, by Marinette and being sued for me to get it through my head. Not to mention-“

“That’s not your fault Adrien. Don’t blame yourself.” Mylène got off the desk and went to place a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a good man. C’mon- I’ll buy you a drink. Us teachers are all going. They want you to come.”

“... if you’re sure.”

“I am.”

Nathanael

Nathanael was bent over a desk, drawing something with a focused look on his face. He barely paid attention to Marc who walked in, the man laughing quietly.

“Nath, you’re going to hurt your eyes drawing so close and in such bad light.” Marc told him, putting a hand on his shoulder, a wedding ring on his hand.

“I’m fine Marc, promise.” Nathanael smiled at the man, patting his hand. “I think your husband’s-“

“Nathanael, don’t do this.” Marc sighed.

“Do what?”

“Do this ‘I want to wallow’ thing.” Marc shook his head. “Look yeah you were a shitty boyfriend in high school but that was mostly your own issues being bi and all the crap your parents gave you more than anything. And the whole Lila crap- in case you forgot I believed her to until she managed to say one lie I knew was wrong and you snapped out of the magic when I showed you it was wrong.”

“I… I dunno.” Nathanael sighed. “I think I’m just tired.”

“Yeah well no wallowing my friend. C’mon- Marinette called and she wants to see us before Rose and Juleka’s wedding.” Nathanael looked pleased.

“That’s good. Is she still willing to help with talks about our book becoming a movie? I’d rather her or her boy toy being there.”

“She’s going to kill you if you keep calling Tim a boy toy.”

“She grew over six feet tall and she still wears heels. Tim is 5’6”. I will never stop. Jason lets me.”

“Jason likes riling up his girlfriend. She pins him better.”

“... how do you know this?” Nathanael asked his partner in business.

“I’m married to Roy- Jason’s best friend? We talk.”

“... how much can we use for our porn books?”

“Where do you think half the ideas came from?”

Kagami

Kagami was setting up her office, smiling as she put a photo frame down that had her on a podium with an Olympic Gold Medal around her neck.

Pulling back, she looked around the office and smiled.

“Fuck you mom,” she declared. She looked pleased as she set the final piece down, a plague declaring her name.

“Someone sounds happy,” a blonde stuck her head in, grinning. “That exciting to be heading your own company?”

“Of course. I worked hard for this.” Kagami smiled at her. “And stealing Kara Danvers is just a bonus.”

“You’re only saying that because you think it’s funny.” Kara laughed. “Wouldn’t leave you for the wolves after you saved my ass.”

“Anyone else would have done it or well anyone we know.” Kagami told her. Kara gave her that with a shrug.  “What’s on the plan for today?”

“Well business wise we have a meeting with Tim Drake-Wayne- he’s currently trying to get permission for some sort of body armour to be made for teens that can be a hoodie or a sweater.”

“It disgusts me we need those. Let me guess the government won’t have it?”

“Not unless he has back up, or if he agrees for the military to have it to for free.”

“That’s disgusting and I’m going to rip them to shreds.”

“Yep. And for pleasure, you’re meeting your girlfriend at that waffle place she likes.” Kagami grinned, looking pleased. “And your other girlfriend is meeting you guys later. She’s busy with helping her youngest brother with something- wanna tell?”

“Damian is proposing to his boyfriend later. And yes you can call in with this info to hangs your bets.” Kara pumped her fist.

“Yes! Clark and Bruce’s families finally join!”

“Dare you to tell them that.”

“I will gladly do so.”

Luka

Luka was busy tuning his gut air when the door opened and Nino stuck his head in. “Yo, Luka- your sister is here.”

“Nice.” Luka grinned as Juleka came in, Nino following. “Jules!”

“Luka!” The two hugged. “Ugh, how’s the recording going?”

“Really well. How’s the wedding planning?”

“Better now that we took Marinette’s advice and hired her friend Bart- he’s amazing at it.” Juleka told her brother. “Rose wants to adopt him I think.”

“Bart? Yeah he has that sort of feel.” Laughed Luka. Juleka shook her head.

“Of course you know him. So… dating anyone?”

“Not really. Sort of dating this one guy Conner but we’re not that serious.” Luka shrugged.

“Aww. Hey how about you Nino?”

“Nah man, I’m flying solo still. Busy with my music and helping Luka out.” Nino told them. “Though I do have a date so… later!”

“... one night stands?” Juleka asked Luka who laughed when Nino was gone.

“Yeah. He’s having fun.”

“To each their own,” Juleka said. “... he’s not-“

“Juleka. He and Alya broke up and I will not let you two hatch a matchmaking scheme at your wedding. It’s about you, no one else.” Luka told him. “As well Nino told me there’s some stuff he doesn’t like talking about with their relationship. And he doesn’t want to get back together.”

“... Alya says-“

“Different people Juleka. Different people and Alya may not be saying everything either.” Luka told his sister. “Aren’t we talking about me?”

“You and your music career making a killing while you also run around with interesting jewelry?”

“Says the one with her fancy rings.” Luka teased. Juleka laughed and smiled. “And the fact she’s a world-famous model now.”

“Yeah we are really killing it aren’t we.” Juleka smiled, then frowned. “... heard about Chloe?”

“Yeah. I think we can trust her though. There are telepaths working there.”

“I know it’s just…” Juleka made a face. “Viperion and Black Claws might need to step in.”

“Maybe. Hopefully not but maybe.” Luka sighed. “... I’m glad you saw through Lila so fast.”

“Got lucky with Rose knowing Ali… he’s coming by the way.”

“King at your wedding. Nice.”

“I know.”

[flashfuture]

Kyle getting the shovel talk but the whole time he thinks he’s done something to upset Conner and he calls him like “hey did we have a fight?” And Conn is like “no?” which leads to Kyle being more confused about why Roy and Dinah seemed so mad at him, but then he meets them again and they aren’t mad and he’s all around veey confused but not as confused as Roy and Dinah when Conn asks why they were so mad at Kyle and they reply they were giving him the shovel talk and Conn is like “why??? We aren’t dating. We’re just friends.”

Roy and Dinah: 👁👄👁

Kyle and Ollie are funny, Kyle just...doesn’t take his nonsense like Ollie’s pissy at him cause he misses Hal, right? It’s honestly good on Kyle for not sitting down and taking anything like that. Gives it right back (he does the same thing with Wally, but Wally’s got his own issues, I’m rambling)

The original yj team deserves the Teen Titans cartoon treatment; yj cartoon should have been the outsiders from its conception. Also: Donna should have been there at season one. She wanst even allowed to be in the Teen Titans show either :(

yes Roy and Dinah being so confused because when Kyle is planetside he and Conn are always together.

Ugh and think about Hal or someone making sure to update Conn on where Kyle is or whatever, and Conn is like thanks I guess glad to know he’s fine. 

Okay yes Ollie and Wally had the same problem with Kyle in the start. Cause Wally loved Hal like an Uncle so he took the zero hour stuff harder than most

And Hal is Ollie’s best friend so he was also hurt to see someone new in Hal’s place

But Kyle doesn’t really have the patience for that. Because they’re comparing Kyle to a version of Hal that Kyle only really met on his time-traveling adventure. and recall Hal immediately was fond of Kyle. So it’s got to annoy Kyle that people think he isn’t up to fill Hal’s shoes when Hal himself in all his forms has said otherwise over and over again. 

Wally and Kyle had a team-up where Wally realized that he needed to give the new guy a chance even if some bickering kept happening. Hell Conn was probably a part of bridging that gap. The three of them went on a cruise to Alaska cause Conn wanted to see it. Kyle and Wally just went along for their friend

And Ollie kept poking at Kyle but once they both defended Hal’s body from Sinestro they sort of got over their issues. Plus Hal was back and obviously a fan of Kyle so it wouldn’t have made much sense for Ollie to keep being annoyed. But still funny to watch them both bicker 

[lantur]

royai week 2020: day four, “crackle”

summary: The Colonel and the Lieutenant have an unusually candid conversation.

rated: t for teen

tags: pre-canon

words: 4384 | read on ao3

Identifying and interviewing candidates for the State Alchemist program requires travel all over the Eastern area of Amestris. A lot of soldiers - hell, even most of Roy’s unit - dislike travel. They’re reluctant to leave the comforts of home and put up with questionable accommodations and questionable food, not to mention the practical annoyances. The long rides in trains that are either too hot or too cold, and the inevitable delayed connections that turn a four-hour trip, one way, into a six-hour trip.

Roy loves to travel. He always has, ever since he had been a kid accompanying his aunt on trips outside of Central to meet with her network from outside of the capital city. The inconveniences are, well, inconvenient, but they don’t bother him much. They are considerably outweighed by the fascination of seeing the rest of the country firsthand; striking up conversations with locals (or overhearing conversations between locals) and listening to them talk about how they live, about what their thoughts and concerns are.

Employment is an issue in the northeastern sector of the East Area, and has been ever since the mines closed. Import of food and other necessities to the southwestern area is sketchy and unreliable. The farthest west areas of the Eastern region have a significant problem with drug-related crime, due to its proximity to Central. Roy notes all of this down in his travel journal during the train rides for later reference.

I like to keep my finger on the pulse of the people, he tells his unit. They agree that his phrasing is “a little creepy,” but also agree that this genuine interest in the populace is what makes him a good leader.

This month’s trip has taken Roy and his Lieutenant to Liore, near the border of the North Area. It’s quite a bit colder than it had been in East City, even though it’s hardly a week into October. Their appointment with this potential State Alchemist candidate - Robert Gotha - is at eight the following morning, leaving them with just about twelve hours of downtime when they check into their inn.

The rooms are side-by-side on the first floor. All Roy wants is a hot shower and dinner, in that order, but Riza insists on doing a sweep of his room first, as she always does, and making him wait outside for his own security.

“Nobody outside of Grumman’s office and our unit knew of our travel plans,” Roy points out, risking her displeasure by opening the front door a crack. Riza is inspecting the interior of the room’s small closet. “There are no explosives under the bed or under the sink. I’m willing to bet that there are no assassins hiding in the bathtub, either.”

She throws him a glance, and a frown. “You never know, sir. You remember Major Rosen. The bomb was strapped to the back of his nightstand. We shouldn’t take any chances.”

Roy does remember Philip Rosen, the Bone Alchemist, blown to bits a year and a half ago by a survivor of the Ishvalan massacre. He nods, somewhat abashed. “I appreciate your diligence, Hawkeye.”

“Of course, Colonel. Now, please close the door. You can wait in my room, if you want to set your things down somewhere.”

Riza’s room is even smaller than his. Maybe the reminder of the Bone Alchemist’s fate had set him on edge, but Roy walks the perimeter of her room, checking in the bathroom, pulling the closet door open. The last thing he needs is for someone who planned on attacking him to find Riza instead. Everything seems safe, but drafty, and he frowns, noting the lack of fireplace in the room.

Riza returns in a few minutes, and draws her coat closer around herself the moment she walks in. “Clear,” she says. “The locks are flimsy. I suggest bracing your chair against the door, just in case.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant. Your room is secure too.” He sees the surprise on her face, and he’s rewarded with a small smile. “It’s cold, though. You don’t have a fireplace. Do you want to switch?”

Riza shakes her head. “That won’t be necessary. I sleep better when the temperature is a little lower.”

“At least have dinner and do your paperwork with me, then.” Roy walks to the door. “Your food will go cold in a couple of minutes if you eat it here.”

Riza hesitates, and then nods. “Thank you. I’ll go get dinner for us now.”

He doesn’t have to tell her what he would like. She already has his preferences memorized, as he does for her. Roy gives her the key to his room, and the first thing he does when stepping in is to light a fire in the fireplace. It warms the room instantly, and he sighs with relief.

The shower has dreadfully weak water pressure, but at least it’s hot. Roy towels his hair dry, pulls on a pair of dark pants and a white button-down shirt, and then steps out, releasing a wall of steam into the small room. Riza looks up from her paperwork. She had changed into civilian clothes too, a long skirt and a white button-down like his, and settled into one of the armchairs near the fireplace. The warm glow of the firelight does lovely things to the color of her eyes and hair, loose around her shoulders. The heat brings a faint blush to her cheeks. It isn’t the first time he’s seen her sitting in front of a fire, but the sight never gets old.

“I bought kebabs with chicken, eggplant, and bell pepper.” Riza gestures to the foil-wrapped package in the chair across from her. “I had mine already. It was even better than the ones we had last month in Meox.”

Roy flings himself down in the chair, unwrapping the kebabs. They smell wonderful, and he’s glad that they had opted against the cold sandwiches sold on the train. “But are they as good as yours?”

Riza continues writing, and a tiny smirk touches her lips. “No.”

Roy wolfs down his dinner, making no effort to be decorous. “Why do I have all this paperwork on this table next to me?” he says, with his mouth full. “Isn’t it enough that I spent all of this morning and afternoon in meetings that could have been memos?”

“It’s because you spent all of this morning and afternoon in meetings, instead of getting any work done. And because you refused to make up for any of those hours while on the train, in favor of testing out that new long-distance radio with Havoc.”

Roy bites back a laugh at the memory of his and Havoc’s increasingly ridiculous codenames. “Right.” He balls up the foil packaging and tosses it into the garbage can in the corner of the room. “What are you working on, Hawkeye?”

“Figuring out your schedule for next week.” Riza taps her pen against the paper. “You have two weeks’ worth of meeting requests in one week’s time. I’m trying to make sure that you still have enough downtime to get your paperwork done.”

“Paperwork and downtime don’t go in the same sentence.” Roy picks up Breda’s most recent intelligence report and rifles through it. “Just plan on me working late on Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. That should do it.”

Riza makes a note. “So, I assume I’ll be working late on those nights as well.”

“You assume correctly.” Riza gives him a displeased look, and Roy twirls his pen through his fingers, unable to resist teasing her. “What? Are you upset about missing out on the coming week’s date nights?”

“Hardly,” Riza says, impassive. “I figured that would be more of a concern for you.”

“It isn’t. I’m giving it up.”

Riza raises an eyebrow, managing, as always, to convey a great deal with that small gesture.

“I am,” Roy insists. “It’s all getting to be a little much. And it’s pointless.”

Riza raises both eyebrows, this time. “Pointless? With all due respect, this doesn’t sound like you.”

Roy shrugs, and the expression in Riza’s eyes softens somewhat. “I’m sorry if you had a bad experience, sir.”

She’s speaking to him in the gentle, pitying way one would address the recently heartbroken. The same way she talks to Havoc, for heaven’s sake. Roy runs a hand through his hair, flustered. “It’s not like that, Lieutenant.”

Riza tilts her head to the side slightly, intrigued without pressing, and he has to elaborate. “I don’t mean to sound arrogant. But the women I’ve gone out with know of my rank and reputation. The Flame Alchemist, the Hero of Ishval,” -- Roy’s voice takes on a faintly mocking air -- “and the youngest Colonel in decades. I’m practically guaranteed to be a Brigadier General by the time I’m thirty-five, if I continue to play my cards right. Do you follow me?”

He sees a flicker of amusement in Riza’s eyes. “If I understand you correctly, you’re implying that your dates would prefer to be more than just dates.”

“Exactly. They don’t just want a couple of nights out. They want a real relationship, Hawkeye.” Roy sighs, rubbing his temples. “They want to be a General’s wife, someday, and live in a fancy house with large, manicured lawns, and a couple of nice cars, and a couple of nice kids that will go to Central’s best private school.”

Riza makes a sound that’s almost a laugh. “The dream.”

“I can’t provide that,” Roy says tersely. “I have no intentions of living that life. I have no intention of living a long one, after becoming Fuhrer and implementing the changes that we want. If there’s any justice at all, I’ll be held accountable for what I did in Ishval. I don’t want to leave a widow and a couple of kids behind. That’s not an option.”

Riza inclines her head. “That’s fair.”

He shrugs, momentarily lost for words. “It’s starting to feel...wrong, to take what I want from these women, when I know that there’s absolutely no chance of them getting what they want. They want the third date. They want the relationship. They want to be the girlfriend, and then the fiancee, and then the wife. And I’ll never make that happen.”

“So, nobody’s happy.”

“Basically. Which is why I’m finished with that.” Roy leans back in the armchair, stopping the pretense of working, setting his stack of paperwork on the side table. He regards her thoughtfully. “What about you?”

Riza tenses up slightly. “What about me, Colonel?”

“Oh, you know.” Roy waves a hand casually. “You may not be as highly ranked as I am, and you don’t have the reputation that I do outside of military circles, but you’re a beautiful young woman. That carries its own weight. I’m surprised you’re not beating men back with a stick. Or your pistols.”

He had intended it as a compliment, but Riza glances at her lap, momentarily downcast. “That’s it, sir. That’s all that men see when they look at me. Just another blonde that they’d like to buy a few drinks for, and then take home for the night.” She sounds resigned. “They don’t see me. It feels a little dehumanizing.”

This is all news to him, and Roy stiffens. It’s stupid, it’s hypocritical, to be so stricken by men doing the exact same thing to Riza that he’s done to other women.

“Even the nicer ones, the ones that ask me out to dinner first…” Riza trails off. “They don’t know about Ishval, and the things I did there. They don’t know the burden I carry.”

“Hmm.” Roy considers this. There’s still a knot in his chest at the idea of anyone being foolish and shallow enough to see his Lieutenant - thoughtful, empathetic, kind, intelligent Riza - as nothing more than a conquest. “You could tell them.”

Riza shakes her head, at once. “They wouldn’t understand. Or they would think I was a monster.” She pauses. “Similarly, I doubt they would understand my goals, and what I’ve dedicated my life to.”

Roy feels a wry smile tugging at his lips. “I figure that most men would struggle with the idea that their girlfriend spends every day, and some evenings and nights, in service of another man’s ambitions.”

“Exactly.” Riza looks at him steadily. “Besides, I’m in the same position as you. I intend to be held accountable for my actions in Ishval as well.”

They’ve talked - argued; even fought outright - about this before. About the fact that he has no intention of prosecuting her at the same level that he would seek for himself and the other State Alchemists. Riza’s entire kill count in Ishval had been a mere fraction of what his had been. She had vehemently disagreed with his position. “Hawkeye--”

Riza gives him a quelling look, and Roy falls silent. “I don’t want to leave behind a husband or children, either,” she says. “I don’t want to be in a relationship that will go nowhere. That can go nowhere. It seems dishonest - like I would be holding the other person back from the happiness and uncomplicated life they deserve. I would rather dedicate myself fully to work.”

Somehow, with everything else they have in common, he’s not surprised that they share this perspective as well. “We’re both in a similar predicament, then.”

Riza exhales slowly, and then looks into the fireplace, at the flames crackling there. She looks so far away all of a sudden.

“What is it?” Roy asks, and she glances at him, startled, as if she had forgotten he was there.

“Nothing, Colonel. It’s nothing.”

That piques his interest, and he leans forward. “Don’t lie to me, Lieutenant. It violates our unit’s code of conduct.”

Riza narrows her eyes at him, but finally, she gives in. “You pointed out that my commitment to you and our cause doesn’t leave much space for another man,” she says, but then she hesitates, and stops entirely.

“Well?” Roy prompts, his curiosity getting the better of him. Over the years, they’ve come to know one another so well - as well as they know themselves, he would guess - but this is the one thing they’ve never talked about before. About serious romantic entanglements, and their lack thereof.

“I’d rather not say.” Maybe it’s just the fire, but Riza’s complexion is a little warmer than it had been several minutes ago.

“Come on, Hawkeye.” Roy gives her his most charming smile; slides into his most persuasive tone. “My curiosity is killing me.”

Riza sniffs. “That sounds like a personal problem.”

“Unfair, Lieutenant. I told you what was on my mind.”

She sighs again, exasperated, a little resigned, keeping her eyes determinedly trained on the fire. “Fine. You know, you’re like a dog with a bone sometimes.”

“I am a dog of the military, after all,” Roy says sardonically, and his Lieutenant rolls her eyes.

“You’re such a significant figure in my life,” Riza says, at last. “And you have been, for so long. I worry that would open the door to...comparisons. That wouldn’t be fair to whoever else was trying to find a place in my life. ”

Well, he hadn’t expected that. The words are so unexpected, so sweet and so sad, that Roy blinks, lost for words. “Hawkeye,” he says, trying to inject some levity into his tone. “I’m flattered.”

Riza doesn’t have a dry retort for him. She just looks at him with somber eyes, and Roy relents. “I feel the same way.”

He doesn’t tell his Lieutenant that when he’s looking into his dates’ eyes, he expects to see amber-colored ones looking back at him. He doesn’t tell her that when he leans over to tuck a lock of hair behind their ears, he’s expecting to see her blonde locks against his fingertips. He doesn’t tell her that when they laugh at his jokes (usually too long and too loud for what the joke actually warranted) he expects to see her small, wry smile instead. Or an eye-roll, or that look she gives him sometimes, the one that mingles exasperation with affection.

He doesn’t tell her any of that. But from the expression on Riza’s face, he thinks that he doesn’t have to.

Roy clears his throat, breaking their gaze, looking into the fire. “Well, Lieutenant. I think our close professional relationship has put us in an unfortunate situation.”

“As always, you have a gift for understatement, Colonel.”

It had been a typical Hawkeye deadpan, but when Roy looks back, he sees a tiny, reluctant smile on her face. It gives him a shot of courage, or recklessness; he isn’t sure which yet.

“You know,” he muses, “I have a thought exercise for us to work through.”

Thought exercises - running through hypotheticals, from the mundane to the far-fetched - are one of his favorite things about leading his unit, and they are at least a once-weekly event when the unit is together in East City. Riza sets her pen down for the first time, giving him her full attention. “Yes?”

“It would solve a lot of problems if you and I could...”

Roy trails off, his meaning clear, and Riza sits up straighter.  

It’s bold, even for him. It doesn’t just cross the line; it sprints across the line. It isn’t the kind of thing he would have said if they were back in East City. But the sheer distance from the imposing figure of Eastern Command, from superior officers, from anyone else who knows them and might see or overhear something they shouldn’t - that has opened doors. That all feels so far away, here in Liore, sitting by the fire in his room.

Riza shifts in her chair -  not in discomfort, but consideration, drawing her legs underneath her, tucking them to the side. “It’s interesting that you think that. I think it would create a lot of problems.”

Her tone is mild, though, and there’s no hint of affront on her face at the outrageous suggestion. Riza seems utterly unfazed by being propositioned by her commanding officer. Which isn’t that surprising, now that Roy thinks about it. He has discussed treasonous plans to overthrow and overhaul the existing government with her for years. Compared to literal, actual treason, the prospect of a sexual relationship seems considerably less shocking.

Additionally, she hasn’t yet threatened to shoot him in the foot, which is promising. She hasn’t stopped this little thought exercise that he had started.

“I argue that it would solve more than it creates. We’re both unable to pursue relationships, due to the barriers we’ve discussed.” Roy straightens his collar, feeling rather like an attorney beginning opening arguments in a case. “On the other hand, you and I understand our situation perfectly. We know where our lives are headed and where they will end. We know that we aren’t looking for marriage and children.”

He doesn’t have to say the rest. We know one another and what we’ve done in the past better than anyone else could. There are so many conversations we don’t have to have with one another, that we would have to have with others.

The truth of what they are striving towards and why, and their vision for their personal futures and the future of Amestris. The years in Ishval and what they had seen and done there. The ugly truth behind the harmless, bloodless epithets of Flame Alchemist and Hawk’s Eye. The nightmares.

Riza inclines her head slightly, wordlessly allowing him to continue.

“Pursuing anything with anybody else would distract both of us from our goal, which isn’t an option.” Roy studies her, trying to judge her reaction.

His Lieutenant’s expression gives away nothing. “What makes you think we wouldn’t distract one another?”

“Because I know us, Hawkeye,” Roy replies patiently. “I know that there’s nothing we’re more committed to than reforming this country. You and I both know where this work ends. We always have. Nothing and no one is ever going to make us change our course.”

“That’s all true,” Riza says, her voice steady.

He hears the rest of her sentence, and sighs. “But?”

“There’s one issue you haven’t addressed. The anti-fraternization regulations.”

“Oh, that.” Roy dismisses her point with a shrug. “It’s not an issue.”

Riza glances skyward for a moment. “Please elaborate, Colonel.”

“The anti-fraternization regulations prohibit personal relationships between officers and enlisted members within the same chain of command, as they are prejudicial to good order and discipline,” Roy recites, with no effort. He and his Lieutenant are both very familiar with the regulations, after all. “Romantic relationships, cohabitation, and marriage fall within the umbrella of personal relationships. We wouldn't be living together. We wouldn't be getting married. And it wouldn’t be a romantic relationship, Hawkeye. It would just be--” He pauses, searching for the most tasteful word choice. “Some companionship, as we need it. To help us make our way down the long road we have ahead. And we would be discreet about it. Nobody would ever know.”

Riza props her chin in a hand, mulling it over, and Roy watches the firelight flickering in her eyes. “No pressure, of course,” he says, with an easiness he doesn’t feel. The adrenaline and boldness has worn off, leaving him with an uncharacteristic case of nerves. “It was just a thought exercise.”

Riza glances back at him and then stands up, gathering her paperwork. “I think I’ll turn in for the night, sir.” She sounds so calm and even, as if they had been discussing the logistics of how to implement democratic voting in the most rural areas of Amestris.

Roy stands automatically and opens the door for her. “Good night, then, Lieutenant.”

“Good night.”

Roy watches until she closes her door behind her; until he hears the lock click safely into place. He closes the door, locks it, braces a chair against it, as Riza had suggested. Then he collapses onto the bed and presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, all the breath leaving his body in a long sigh. Hughes has always called him a risk-taker and chastised him for being impulsive. That’s nothing new. Tonight, though, he had taken that to an entirely new high. Or an entirely new low, depending on how one looks at it.

-

They return to East City the following day. A week passes, and Riza gives no indication that their conversation in Liore had ever happened. She treats him the same way she always has, both when others are around and behind the closed doors of their office, after everyone else in their unit has left for the evening.

“I asked Elizabeth if she’d like to start something up with me,” Roy tells Hughes on the phone, on Saturday night. He’s supposed to be working, but it’s half past eight already, and he hasn’t been working with his full attention span for two reports now.

Hughes makes a strange sort of spluttering noise; it sounds as if he’s choked on his sandwich. “No way.”

“It’s true.” Roy winds the phone cord around his finger absentmindedly. “I don’t think she was interested in the idea, though. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. She's the only one I've ever really wanted."

“Roy--”

Riza walks back into the office then, carrying an armful of files from the archives, and Roy is forced to improvise. “I have no interest in your services, and don’t call this number again,” he orders, in his most forceful tone. He slams the phone down, before giving his Lieutenant an apologetic smile. “Telemarketers. I have no idea how they get their hands on the military lines.”

“Please give Lieutenant Colonel Hughes my regards before you hang up next time.” Riza sets the files on her desk, and then picks up her coat. Roy notices that she’s changed back into civilian clothes, a dark skirt and a silk blouse. “We could head back for the night, since we got quite a bit done today.”

“That’s the best idea you’ve had all day, Lieutenant.” Roy stands up hastily, before she can reconsider, and picks up his coat. “Come on. I’ll drive you home.”

They live within a couple of streets of each other, about twenty minutes from Eastern Command. They pass the time in quiet conversation, speculating about how Breda’s undercover mission in Mouhed is going, and the upcoming joint training exercise at Fort Briggs. As always, Roy feels an irritating pang of disappointment when they reach the back parking lot of his Lieutenant’s apartment building. He spends every day with Riza, and many evenings and nights, too, and yet he never tires of her company.

“Sleep well, Hawkeye.” Roy throws her his most appealing look. “Any chance you’ll bring in coffee on Monday morning?”

“I could be persuaded.” Riza crosses her legs, and Roy tries to ignore the slit up the side of her skirt. She studies him for a couple of moments, and he catches the faintest flicker of apprehension in her eyes. “Would you like to walk me upstairs, Colonel?”

She’s never asked him that before. It takes the words - the offer - a moment to register. Roy shifts the car into park as soon as it does, more roughly than he should. “I would,” he says, realizing that he can’t remember the last time he had to fight back an actual shiver of anticipation. “Very much. Oh, and Lieutenant?”

Riza’s hand stills on the door. “Yes?”

“You should call me by my name, when we’re upstairs.” Roy remembers, then, that Riza’s apartment building doesn’t have an elevator, and they’ll have to make it up four flights of stairs like civilized adults.  

“Of course, Colonel.” Riza holds his gaze, and Roy’s mouth goes very dry. “I think I’ll be able to do that. When we get upstairs.” She pauses and adds, almost as an afterthought. “You can call me whatever you want.”

Riza. It’s how he refers to her in his mind, but never out loud, not for years. It makes his throat burn, how much he wants to say it. To whisper it as he lets her hair down from its updo, and brushes his fingers against her collarbones. Roy exhales slowly. “We should go up. Now.”

Riza gives him a small smile. “Yes, sir.”

---------------------

notes

Writing from Roy's POV is always an interesting and amusing exercise. I had a bit of a laugh while I was writing this because it's basically like

Roy: What if... we fucked... ahaha, just kidding Lieutenant, it was just a thought exercise, just running hypotheticals...unless...?

I hope you enjoyed reading; I'd love to know what you thought! Royai Week has been super fun so far, both with reading others' amazing and creative responses to the prompts, admiring the gorgeous art, and sharing my own stuff. I'm hoping to have Day 5's prompt posted sometime tomorrow, but it might be a day late if I don't get it up in time.

[waltzofthewifi]

Kota Chapter 31: Team Building

Table of Contents | Beginning

The details were the hardest part to work out, but somehow Marinette managed it.

Figuring out where to hold the meeting was the biggest obstacle. They ended up in a super-fancy dining room at the hotel. Ladybug asked Martok to do a security sweep of the room (from a distance, of course, since most of the heroes would recognize the robot), and then had Chat Noir do another one on his baton just in case. Chloe ordered complete privacy, and she and Ladybug worked to find discreet entrances so no one would know the heroes were there.

The final issue was figuring out how to get Fu into the room without anyone seeing him. In the end, Marinette convinced him to use the tiger miraculous and turn invisible.

"I don't think the miraculous should be used for such trivial matters," Fu had argued.

"This is important," Marinette countered.

Ladybug and Chat Noir were the first to arrive in the back dining room, as planned.

"I'm surprised Fu agreed to this," Chat Noir said. "He isn't very forthcoming with information. I haven't even seen him since he gave me the transformation potions."

That was news to Ladybug. She was aware Chat Noir didn't know where Fu lived - it was too dangerous if he did, since they might run into each other unstransformed. But since Chat Noir had received the potions, she had assumed they figured some other way of meeting up.

She didn't get a chance to respond, because Fu arrived.

He had already detransformed, and the tiger kwami, Roarr, immediately ducked behind the two heroes.

"Ladybug, Chat Noir," Fu greeted.

"Master Fu," Ladybug replied. "Glad you could make it."

The heroes started trickling in and sitting around the table. Actually, "sitting" might be a strong word - Chat Noir balanced on the top of his seat, Kota kneeled on hers, and Roi Singe sat backwards with his back on the seat and legs on the back. Queen Bee put her feet up on the table, Ryuko sat rim-rod straight, Rena Rouge pulled one leg up on the chair with her, Viperion sat criss-cross, and Pegasus sat with his hands crossed like an old lady. Carapace remained the only normal-sitting person besides Ladybug and Fu.

"This is so cool!" Rena Rouge started. "I have so many questions." She unfurled herself and leaned forward, holding up her notebook.

"She's been talking my ear off all night," Carapace contributed. "Hope you're prepared, dude."

Queen Bee scoffed. "You can't call Ladybug 'dude'."

"She said I could!"

"It's okay," Ladybug confirmed. "I know you all are used to me and Chat being held up as celebrities or idols, but even though we are the leaders here, this is a team and we're your teammates. And the point of this is to grow as a team."

"Where's Souris Rose?" Pegasus questioned.

"She decided she didn't want to come," Ladybug answered.

"That's a shame," Pegasus answered. "Her powers were useful, and she was talented at using them."

"How do you decide who to use?" Kota asked.

"It depends," Ladybug said. "Since I began studying the miraculouses, I had started to connect certain people to certain miraculous. Rena was - and still is - my first choice, and when the time came to call on you, I knew the exact miraculous for you.

"Carapace was a little different. I picked the right miraculous for that akuma, and I knew you would be the right choice as well for that akuma, but I didn't necessarily pick that miraculous for you. And then for Queen Bee - I had actually intended to give the bee miraculous to Rena."

"And I stole it," Queen Bee finished. "That was selfish of me, and I'm sorry. I won't do that again."

Ladybug smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. But don't be too hard on yourself - you could only steal it because I lost it to begin with."

"Wait, you lost a miraculous?" Rena Rouge asked.

She didn't mean it maliciously, but Ladybug still shifted in her seat nervously.

"Uh, kinda?"

"Ladybug was under a lot of pressure from Style Queen," Chat Noir intervened. "And, in a way, that only happened because I also made a mistake, and wasn't able to help."

"Ryuko, when I picked the dragon Miraculous for that akuma, I realized you would be a perfect fit," Ladybug continued.

"Yet I also messed up my first time," Ryuko added.

"You learned, and that's what makes a good hero," Ladybug responded. "Pegasus, your situation was unique. I only had the one extra miraculous. As for you, Kota - I knew we needed the rooster miraculous to fight that akuma, and when I thought about it, I realized you were the best fit."

"What about Roi Singe and Viperion?" Rena Rouge questioned.

"Ladybug didn't choose me, actually." Viperion glanced at Ladybug for permission to tell the whole story, and Ladybug gave him a nod. "She originally gave the miraculous to someone else, but it wasn't a good fit for him. He decided to give it to me."

"Ooh, interesting," Rena Rouge replied.

"I didn't choose Roi Singe either," Ladybug added.

"I was wondering about that," Roi Singe said, still upside down. "Both you and Chat Noir had been disco-balled by the time I got mine, so who gave it to me?"

"That would be me," Fu said.

Rena Rouge did a double take. "Wait - who are you?"

"I'm the guardian of the miraculous," Fu answered. "I keep them safe when not in use."

"How many miraculouses are there?" Alya asked.

"Many," Fu said. "But most have been lost. I only have the one miracle box, which when full contains nineteen miraculouses."

"When full?" Rena Rouge repeated.

"The butterfly and peacock miraculous were lost," Fu said. "Only now they have reappeared. And the ladybug and black cat miraculous are no longer in the box as well."

"So what are the other animals in the box?" Rena Rouge asked. "I have a few theories myself. Some people believe it's the Chinese zodiac, but I've also seen some historical proof of a lion miraculous, and foxes aren't part of the zodiac, are they?"

"Our miracle box, like most, is divided into three groups," Fu explained. "The top circle is the two most powerful miraculouses - the ladybug and black cat - which balance each other out and have safeguards for the other miraculous. Then there's the inner circle - the turtle, fox, bee, butterfly, and peacock. Then there's the outer circle, which contains the animals in the Chinese zodiac. The lion is actually part of the outer circle of another box."

"What powers do the other animals have?" Rena Rouge asked.

"The ox miraculous can give it's wielder super strength," Ladybug said.

"I thought all the miraculouses did," Pegasus said.

"Extra super strength," Ladybug explained. "The tiger's power is invisibility. The goat creates a surface to climb on, the dog can track, and the pig calms down a person."

"If the dog can track, why don't we track the butterfly miraculous?" Ryuko questioned.

"The dog is an outer circle miraculous," Fu said. "It can track almost everything except the inner circle miraculous."

"So everything but what we need it to?" Carapace questioned.

"Sounds like our luck," Chat Noir commented.

"Is that why the ladybug miraculous is the only one that can purify akumas?" Rena Rouge questioned.

"Yes," Ladybug replied. "The ladybug and black cat miraculous split the ability to undo the powers of the inner circle. Chat Noir's powers are the only thing that can destroy a shelter or mirage, once the wielders have reached a certain point. Likewise, the ladybug miraculous is the only thing that can purify an amok or akuma once they've reached their targets - a cataclysm only works before they've affected a person. And the bee's venom is only undoable by the miraculous cure, which draws on the powers of both mine and Chat's miraculous, even if I'm the one that casts it. That's why I couldn't cast it the first time we fought Stoneheart - well, that and I didn't know I could. When Chat and I solidified our partnership while facing the Stoneheart clones, the ability just... appeared."

"Cool," Carapace said.

"What about your lucky charm and his cataclysm?" Rena Rouge said.

"Once we've reached a certain level of power and experience, my lucky charms will only be able to be destroyed by a cataclysm, and his cataclysms only fixable by the cure - though to fix damage like that, I could theoretically call the cure myself."

"I have a question," Viperion said. "Am I the only one getting animal side effects?"

"I am," Rena Rouge replied. "My hearing's improved."

"So has mine," Chat Noir said. "And my vision. I even think I'm getting night vision."

"Shame your jokes aren't improving," Ladybug commented.

"Hey," Chat Noir whined.

"I keep having the instinct to climb things," Roi Singe commented. "But I had that before I became a hero."

"What side effects might the rest of us have?" Ryuko asked.

"According to my research," Pegasus interjected. "I suspect that Queen Bee, Ladybug, Carapace, and Viperion night become more susceptible to the cold."

"Yep," Ladybug confirmed.

"There's also diet changes," Fu added. "When I was a child, I hated fish, but when I actively used the turtle miraculous, I couldn't have enough."

"This is the first I've heard of this," Ladybug noted.

"Ladybugs are predators," Rena Rouge offered. "They eat bugs."

"I have been eating a lot of meat recently," Ladybug said. "I thought I just needed the extra protein from all the superheroing."

"What about dragons?" Ryuko asked.

"Shrimp," Fu answered. "Like a seahorse."

"Longg does call me seahorse," Ryuko said.

"Trixx keeps calling me pup," Rena Rouge added.

"My kwami just calls me kid," Chat Noir said. "I'm pretty sure that's not a cat thing."

"I'm really glad Tikki never calls me larva," Ladybug added. "That would be weird."

"What is it like, living with Trixx?" Fu questioned. "I've heard they're one of the more difficult kwamis."

"It's interesting," Rena Rouge said. "They don't like answering questions directly, but they're great for brainstorming ideas, like - wait, secret identity. But they're like anyone else, upsides and downsides."

"Wait, you have your miraculous permanently?" Roi Singe asked.

"That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about tonight," Ladybug said. "I think it would be beneficial if each of you spent some time with your kwamis - for the past couple of days, Carapace and Rena have kept their miraculous. After this meeting, we'll trade off and Roi Singe and Viperion can keep theirs."

"Really?" Roi Singe asked, perking up. "Sweet!"

"Don't get too excited," Fu warned. "Xuppu can be tiring."

"I assume that you won't let me keep my miraculous," Queen Bee said.

"At the moment, no," Ladybug answered. "But your transformation has given me a few ideas. I'll talk to you about it later."

"Out of curiosity," Rena Rouge said, as if she did anything for any other reason. "How would you rate the kwamis as far as livable-ness?"

"Wayzz and Tikki are definitely the easiest to handle," Fu answered. "I would say Plagg, Orikko, and Xuppu are the most annoying."

"Plagg stole a pair of socks, once," Chat Noir commented. "He did return them, though."

"Why Orikko?" Kota questioned.

"What do roosters like to do at sunrise?" Fu replied.

Kota's face fell. "Oh. That would be annoying."

"I have another question," Rena Rouge said. "Can you combine miraculous?"

"Yes," Ladybug said cautiously. "Combined, you gain both the powers of the miraculous and more powers."

"Is that why Hawkmoth is after both the ladybug and black cat miraculous?" Pegasus inquired.

"Yes," Ladybug confirmed. "Combined, the two are very powerful. It's why we must keep them out of his hands at all costs."

"I also have a question," Kota said. "How does the miraculous magic interact with other forms of magic?"

Ladybug had no idea how to answer that. Until her conversation with Lacy and Orikko about the love potions, it had never occurred to her that there were other types of magic - though if she had thought about, she would have probably came to that conclusion.

"It depends," Fu answered. "There's a lot of different types of magic. Each miraculous interacts with each type of magic differently. For instance, if an akuma or amok were to enter a magical object, it could increase the toughness of that object or the danger of that akuma. Is there a type of magic you were wondering about?"

Kota hesitated. "Uh, kinda?"

"Is this about you not being affected by the love potion?" Ladybug asked.

"Sorta?" Kota answered. "I - my - it's hard to explain."

"I would ask your kwami, then," Fu suggested. "If you get a chance."

Kota nodded. "Okay."

It took over an hour for the questions to run out - most of which came from Rena Rouge. After that, Ladybug brought up the idea of some training exercises she and Tikki had brainstormed.

.

Honestly, a race was inevitable.

It was one of the first things that Ladybug and Chat Noir had done together, outside of fighting an akuma. Rena Rouge and Carapace had raced each other earlier that week. It seemed to be an instinctual need to see who was faster.

Of course, it didn't help that both Ryuko and Roi Singe were severely competitive. And, apparently, so was Queen Bee.

Ladybug declined to race, as did Viperion. Viperion was not a naturally competitive person, and he already knew he was one of the slower heroes. Ladybug was a competitive person, under the right circumstances, but thought watching would be more interesting.

"Everyone clear on the rules?" Ladybug asked.

The track was simple - a loop around the city. Ladybug would be tracking them to make sure there was no cheating. First person to touch back on the rooftop won. No powers but all weapons were allowed.

"Three, two, one, go!"

.

Chat Noir and Rena Rouge practically arrived at the same time, both out of breath.

"Hah!" Chat Noir said. "I won!"

"Uh, no," Rena Rouge replied. "I definitely got here first."

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"Ladybug," The two heroes whined, turning the Ladybug.

"I think it's a tie," Ladybug decided.

Queen Bee was next, followed by mere inches by Carapace. Ryuko and Roi Singe arrived together, followed by Kota. Pegasus arrived last.

"All of you made good time," Ladybug said.

"But I made the best," Rena Rouge bragged.

"I beat you!" Chat Noir argued.

"No you didn't!"

Ladybug sighed, deciding it pointless to get involved this time.

They're going to be arguing about this for a long time.

.

They were almost finished for the night. Ladybug had already collected Pegasus's and Kota's miraculous, and Alya and Nino were saying (a temporary) goodbye to their kwamis. Now all she needed were the bee and dragon miraculouses - but she had something she needed to talk to them about first.

She found Queen Bee on the roof of the hotel, talking to Chat Noir.

"- I guess what I'm trying to say is," Queen Bee was saying. "I'm sorry. There's no excuse for treating someone like that."

"I didn't mind it," Chat Noir replied. "At least, not that much. But I'm glad to hear that you're turning over a new leaf."

"It's not the first time I've tried," Queen Bee said.

"Hey, I bee-lieve in you."

"And here we were having a moment."

Ladybug cleared her throat, alerting them to her presence.

"Queen Bee," Ladybug called. "I need to talk to you."

"Of course, Ladybug."

Queen Bee followed her to the rooftop where Ryuko was waiting.

"What did you wish to speak about?" Ryuko questioned.

"I've been talking with Fu," Ladybug said. "And I think there's a way to make the miraculous's magic conceal your identity again."

"You mean, so I can be Queen Bee and no one will know it's me?" Queen Bee asked.

"Yep," Ladybug confirmed. "We've almost figured it out. Once that happens, I'll tell you two as soon as possible. Until then, you'll only be called on when I have no choice."

"This is great!" Queen Bee said. "Thank you, Ladybug!"

"I appreciate it as well," Ryuko said. "Though my m- my family already as safety measures, as I've said before."

"I know," Ladybug said. "But this could allow you to keep your miraculous on you, if there's ever a reason to."

"Yes!" Queen Bee squealed. "Please? I love Pollen so much!"

"I know," Ladybug replied. "I rely on my kwami a lot, too."

"I would like to talk at length with Longg someday," Ryuko said. "He seems very knowledgeable."

"The kwamis have seen a lot," Ladybug said. "But they're not always the most forthcoming with information."

"I'll keep that in mind," Ryuko said. "Thank you, Ladybug."

.

"So, how's Sass doing?" Marinette asked.

She and Luka were curled up together in his living room. It had only been a day since Luka had been given his miraculous, but she was sure Sass had already had an impact.

"He made me buy a sun lamp," Luka replied. "Fortunately, no one pays attention to what I buy. It's difficult keeping him hidden from Jules though."

"That's right, you two share a room."

Luka nodded. "But Juleka isn't nosy. And Sass is really cool to talk to music about - he says he knew musicians going as far back as Ancient Greece and Egypt!"

"Mhm," Marinette confirmed. "Our miracle box got around quite a bit - part of being the one with the transportation miraculous in it. Tikki's mentioned a few ladybugs from all over the world."

"Sass also said he hasn't been out in more than a century," Luka said. "He had never seen or heard an electric guitar before he met me."

"Same with Tikki," Marinette replied.

"He also knew about my synesthesia - that's when I associate colors and sounds and things like that," Luka said. "And my ability to 'hear' other people's songs. Says I might even have magical lineage."

"I didn't know you had synesthesia," Marinette noted. "That's cool."

Luka shrugged. "It's minor, compared to some people. Sass said he once knew a hero that could paint entire pictures based on what they heard in music, and vice versa."

"Wow!"

"I know, right?" Luka said. "He won't talk about any of his previous heroes fighting, or how they used their second chances though. I think - I think a lot of them died from it."

Marinette nodded. "Yeah. Tikki can get the same way, sometimes. But don't worry - miraculouses like Hawkmoth's have fail safes that keep them from being fatal. It's why my miraculous cure is so thorough with the damage from akumas - that's just as much the butterfly miraculous as it is mine and Chat's."

"I didn't know that," Luka said. "That's nice to know."

"Makes you wonder what happened to cause them to put those fail safes in though," Marinette admitted. "Tikki gets too sad when I bring it up, I just can't."

"It doesn't matter now," Luka said. "Whoever it was learned from the past, so we aren't doomed to repeat it."

Next Chapter

[ocsxinxpurgatory]

Best Foot Forward (Introductory Drabble)

Series: Wynonna Earp

Disclaimer: Elaine, Roy, Dirk, and Sampson are mine as is the plot and everything else is borrowed in this work of fan-made fiction off of which no money is made. 

Setting: Season 1 Compliant

Pairing: None

Rating: G

On the heels of a relationship gone sour, Elaine Walker isn’t expecting much moving through one town to the next. Purgatory is not supposed to be any different. However, she finds herself more enamored than she likes when a bike shop owner gives her a chance...

*~*~*~*

Best Foot Forward

The town being named Purgatory seemed as much a joke as she was at this point or Elaine had just passed too tired to be amused or entertained. Pulling into an open space by the hotel she can only hope that there would be a room. At this point and with how things were she’s not exactly hopeful.

Stepping for the desk, she’s met with a half-asleep receptionist who nearly jumps at her approach and stares like they’re not actually sure what they’re seeing. “Um...hello! Little late isn’t it?”

“Sorry for the early intrusion,” she responds, “Was passing through and decided I needed somewhere to sleep before I tried any further. Is there a room?”

“Well, yes, of course there is. I just...You should be careful around the outskirts of town a little thing like you. Coyotes are numerous in this part and they can be dangerous.”

She blinks slowly. “Coyotes?”

“Mmhmm. Lots of them. Mostly at night if you’re not careful. So just, you know, be careful.”

As Elaine gives her information and gets the room key, she isn’t sure why she feels like it was the wrong word to be used though she can’t quite figure what else the male might mean.

Deciding she was reading way too much into things considering her exhausted state, she’s glad to be in the small room. The decor is rustic; a tribute to it’s western roots no doubt but it’s not the worst thing she’d seen. Setting her suitcase down, she slumps onto the bed. “It’s just for a day or two,” she mumbles, “Then I’ll figure this out. That’s it. Just a day or two.”

One or two days quickly becomes a lot longer as she explores Purgatory and finds that the rustic charm holds a strange sort of welcome for her. And it soothes the parts of her that had led her to needing out of the city she was born in. A help-wanted sign catches her attention at a bike shop and desires she’d long learned to push to the side flare in her. Couldn’t hurt to ask now could it? They were probably looking for someone more qualified, someone more...masculine. But she was knowledgeable and she was not about to be talked down to. Not ever again.

It’s with this in mind that she steps into the shop letting her shoulders tighten in determination as she strolls to the counter. The man behind it straightens on her approach before greeting, “Afternoon, miss, what can I do for ya?”

“You have a sign on the door. What are you looking for exactly?” she asks without preamble meeting his gaze evenly.

His lips curve upwards at the edges. “Need someone knowledgeable ‘bout bikes and putting them together. Also with makin’ deliveries to clients.”

“Is there an application?”

There is now a definite grin on the male’s face but it’s not the usual one of condescension she’s been used to up until now. “Not an application as it goes. More like a test run. You feel up to showin’ what you can do?”

“Absolutely.”

It doesn’t take an hour before she’s given a job offer and something in her shifts into place. “Thank you,” she tells him after signing the last form.

“Ain’t nothin’ to thank me for. Job should be done by someone capable of it. And you, little lady, are capable as hell. I’d be an idiot not to hire you. Just a few precautions though; one of our biggest clients is also half owner of this place. He owns a few businesses here and there in Purgatory so we tend to stay on his good side; man by the name of Bobo Del Rey. So long as his deliveries are on time and his boys are allowed free reign to come and go and work here everything is fine.”

“So keep the boss happy, huh?”

“Something like that.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard. I can watch myself around men.”

“Ain’t even gonna be that much of an issue there. They won’t care too much so long as you are capable and I have no doubts that you are. And if they do then Dirk or Sampson will get them under control. Those two head up one of the biker groups in town. And one does not mess with either of them if they know what’s good for them.”

“Okay, so just work around them. Gotcha. I can do that. But really, Roy, thanks for this opportunity. I really appreciate it.”

“Somehow, I think you’re gonna be the one needin’ the thankin’, little lady.”

*~*~*~*~*~*

It’s a week before she meets any of them. Walking in, she hears, “So, you hired a woman? Like you seriously…”

She watches Roy gaze at her before his lips curve and without missing a beat calls, “Afternoon, Elaine!”

“Afternoon,” she greets as she makes her way to the register, “Anything special on the agenda?”

“Oh, you know just a couple of idiots who decided to go off-roading and nearly killed themselves.”

“Ouch, someone should save the bikes from them if they’re going to be that awful.”

“Won’t lie, that’s a thought. Oh, by the way, Elaine, this is one of Del Rey’s boys. He was just leaving.”

Elaine watches the male still and look at her boss before something seems to register and he gives a rueful smile before responding, “I really didn’t mean anything by it, Roy. It’s just…”

“It’s just my shop and my rules. You want to sound like an idiot, you can do it elsewhere. You know exactly what Dirk would have said to you if…”

Elaine watches the look of horror that appears and finds it actually comical. “Please, oh god, please don’t tell him about this!”

She hides a grin as she clocks in. She’d liked Roy when he’d given her a chance, more now that he was defending her. Instead of saying anything, she just walks around the male heading for a bike she was finishing up on and resuming the work letting Roy finish the conversation. It’s not long before she hears, “That won’t happen again, I can promise you that.”

“The way he responded when you mentioned Dirk was like you were siccing Satan himself on the guy.”

“Oh no,” Roy chuckles, “That would be if I threatened to tell Del Rey but Dirk’s a scary second where they’re concerned.”

“Will I ever get a chance to meet this Dirk?”

Roy chuckles. “Oh, just you wait and you will. Him and Sampson. I, for one, cannot wait for that meeting.”

As she finishes the last few items needing to be adjusted on the current project, Elaine finds herself extremely curious for that as well. Her gaze shifts to the bikes against the wall looking like they’d been through a ringer. “How long do we have for those?”

“Oh, as long as it takes. Folks of the two who owned that are of the mind that the longer it takes the better the lesson the idiot teenagers will learn.”

“Of course it would be idiot kids,” she snorts.

“Well, at least they were wearing the proper gear so their trip to the hospital was probably short. But yeah, they can wait a few days so no rush on them.”

A moment later, the bell chimes and they both turn to see a new pair walk in. Roy chuckles as he gives them his attention. “Well, speak of the demons, I suppose. Elaine, I’d like to introduce you to Dirk and Sampson Shepherd. Dirk, Sampson, this is Elaine Walker. She’s my newest hire. So if any of the idiots come back grumpy about having nothin’ to do it’s ‘cause they’re being stupid.”

Elaine gazes at the pair who are giving her their attention instead of Roy and she’s sure it’s because they’re familiar with him. She gives a small smile before slowly rising wiping her hands on the smock she was wearing. “Pleasure to meet you, gentlemen.”

“And you,” comes the easy reply, “I’m Dirk. This is Sampson. He doesn’t take much until he gets to know you. Welcome to Purgatory, by the way, since I have a feeling you’re new to town.”

“Sort of stumbled here and decided not to leave,” she admits, “There’s...something of a charm here that I like. Not sure exactly what that charm is but it’s there. Though, I’m getting a little concerned about how often I’m warned about coyotes.”

She’s surprised by the deep, amused laugh that earns from Sampson as he gazes avidly in a different direction and Dirk rolls his eyes at him before offering, “It’s something everyone is told when they come here. Tends to keep people from doing stupid things at night and getting into trouble.”

“See, I thought that might be it but…” She is quiet for a moment, “The word seemed wrong to me. Like they meant something else but…Never mind, I’m sure I’m being silly. It was just...strange to me.”

“Purgatory is one of those places where you’ll find that strangeness is our normal,” Roy remarks.

“I mean with a name like that, I would imagine so, I suppose,” she murmurs, “Anyway, pleasure to meet you both.”

“And you,” Dirk responds with a grin before he pokes the male beside him who still seems to be very amused, “And I am sure Sampson, here, agrees.”

“Of course,” comes the low rumbled response as he slowly gazes at her, eyes intense, “But do take care of yourself, little miss.”

“That’s the game plan.”

[m00nslippers]

The past is coming back to wreck Jason’s new life, in RHATO Issue #33

We knew Essence and the All-caste were coming back, from the solicitations/previews, but I don’t think anyone saw the second blonde love interest’s appearance coming. We probably should have though, since this whole comic is just throwing out everything people liked about Rebirth RHATO (Biz and Artemis) and bringing in everything from the New 52 run except what people liked about it, (namely Roy and Starfire being Jason’s besties). So...I don’t know, we’ll jump into this.

It opens on Essence, in the Thousand acres of All, going to see Ducra, or maybe her ghost. She’s supposed to be dead, I thought, but these All-Caste people seem to be able to communicate/exist as spirits. Actually I thought they’d pretty much been wiped out? I am really fuzzy on the All-caste stuff I need to go back and reread New 52 RHATO to refresh my memory, it’s just hard when the art is so consistently BAD after the first artist leaves that I can’t really stand it.

Essence implies that Jason is some ‘great darkness’ and it was a mistake to teach him. Which people have been saying about Jason since Stalin wrote him with the whole ‘bad seed’ thing so, sure, okay. Jason having the potential to be some kind of ultimate evil is actually cool in the sense that it acknowledges Jason is badass and competent enough to be a threat to heroes, which I like, but the idea that Jason would ever be evil is head-shaking to me. But Essence honestly didn’t say much about what’s going on but that Jason is the problem, so there’s no point getting mad about it yet, we’ll see how that develops.

We go back to the Iceburg lounge with Jason talking to Cobblepot through the fish tank wall, the usual “you won’t get away with this!” and “Oh but I already have!” and blah blah blah. It’s revealed the wall can go opaque and show a scenery to disguise the room behind it or it can be clear so Jason can see in, and there’s a little remote that controls it, and I’m already anticipating Suzie or Miguel finding the remote, pressing it and finding Cobblepot there and being outraged. Suzie might not be that outraged, I’m not sure, but Miguel probably would. I’m not sure if there’s a speaker too, because it’s clearly soundproofed since Cobblepot can’t hear out after he presses the button, some kind of Jamming system, he calls it. Which is basically elevator music. Should have learned to read lips, Cobblepot!

But Cobblepot, as it turns out, has some contingencies in place for if he drops off the radar, in the form of two shadowy creeps cutting fish at a production facility. The fact that he thinks his D-listers stand a chance against Jason is honestly adorable.

In the office, Miguel waxes poetic a moment about how he’s feeling all fulfilled and such, running the Casino. It’s maybe a little weird? Like if you said this guy was brainwashed right now I’d be like, yeah, I see it. I don’t think he’s actually brain-washed though, I think he’s just being set up to be really disappointed when he finds out his new situation is built on Jason keeping Cobblepot prisoner. It seems like Miguel is the ‘people-pleaser’ type. He feels most fulfilled when he’s being helpful. As a hero you save people, sure but people are also blaming everything you can’t fix on you, and you don’t get a lot of contact with the people you save after the fact, so being in a more mundane job where he can see the fruits of his labor actually probably fits him better, especially with a good boss like Jason.

And Jason seems to be a good boss, we see. He trusts his employees to do their jobs, isn’t breathing down their necks, acts friendly and positively to them, is concerned for their well-being and they can come to him with problems without him taking it out on them. He really seems to be good at being in charge, actually. People prop up Tim and Dick to be such great leaders, but they both act aloof and sarcastic and sometimes even take out their frustration on the people around them. They aren’t great leaders, in my opinion. They’re great tacticians and they’re very charismatic so people want to listen to them, but they actually are very frustrating leaders to have for their teammates a lot of the time. Jason does have the same bat-weakness as they all do though, in that he keeps secrets that he probably shouldn’t keep from his teammates and I think that’s what’s going to ruin this whole gig.

Let’s take a moment to talk about the art. It’s the same colorist we’ve had, who has been doing a great job, but we went back to the artist who’s been doing things since Dexter Soy left, and while I do like him, I’m a little disappointed. He does great bodylines and shadows and proportions are very good, I like the way he did Cobblepot’s nose super exaggerated, but...I really miss cute Jason’s face from the other artist last issue. In profile Jason looks okay sometimes, all the Su girls look great and most of the other characters too, but in front and three-quarters views it’s very strange and angular, I don’t like it. Also his hair isn’t fluffy and nice, it’s slick and spikey. Oh well, the art quality is still high and I appreciate all the work put into it, I just don’t personally like how Jason is being drawn, but It’s still better than the buzzcut, in my opinion.

But speaking of Jason, he looks awesome in the white, black and red tux, I love it. Jay in formal-wear, always nice. And walking through the casino floor he suddenly spies...

Isabel! Which I was surprised and actually kind of excited to see a little. For those who don’t remember, Jason went on like, two dates with her in the New 52 RHATO. She’s an airline stewardess and basically her thing is she’s minding her own business, runs into Jason and she ends up picking up alien guns and shooting people, and taking it really chill. And this happened more than once. They seemed to decide that Jason constantly being in danger meant they couldn’t really date, since even though she could seemingly handle being in fire-fights all the time unlike most people, she didn’t want that for obvious reasons.

...but apparently she changed her mind.

I personally am pretty committed to Jason and Artemis being a romantic couple in the canon, and I do not want to see him get back together with Isabel, but I do like her and I think she’s mostly good for Jason. This is going to be kind of interesting though because Jason also had a relationship with Essence, who is obviously going to show up later on. Honestly, the ideal situation is that at the end of the arc, Essence and Isabel are in the same room and Artemis drops in from a portal and returns, and all three sit around comparing notes about Jason and he’s just terrified.

But as they are in the midst of their fancy kiss, the casino gets attacked by Penguin’s contingency bozos. Jason says, “I’m not in the 'doing something’ business anymore,” which is kind of confusing to me? Like I didn’t think he was ‘quitting’ being the Red Hood, per se. Or maybe he genuinely thought he was, and he could do everything through his casino without being Red Hood anymore. I don’t know. But we all know Jason won’t stop 'doing something', in particular shooting people who have it coming. So I’m not sure if he’s outright lying to her, or it’s just strange wording. But also, where the heck is Wingman in all this?

So, the people who show up are the ‘Five Aces’ who I have never heard of. I’m assuming Lobdell didn’t just make them up for this, but maybe he did, I’m not sure. What I do know is there are four aces in a deck so there being five aces is confusing. But the Su sisters are on it and fight these guys and I actually really like the Su sisters, they are each of them very cool, even if Candy is sort of a discount Harley Quinn. They are all very snazzy and badass and I’m glad they got a redemption of sorts by teaming up with Jason.

One thing though, is they treat Suzie Su like she’s freaking invulnerable? She gets hit with arrows and an axe and doesn’t even bleed, like what? Clearly she has invulnerability and maybe some super-human strength, but no one has mentioned this ever, so...

The fight is pretty good, all the ladies got chances to be badass, the art was easy to understand and looked clean. And it’s actually nice to see people just straight up shoot someone, like we don’t need to make this complicated, just do the obvious thing to take them out, yeah? There was no blood, which felt unrealistic and a little insulting. The sisters take out four of the five aces, and I think at least three of them are arguably dead, since one got shot to hell, one had a bomb stuck down his pants and the other got his face blown up. The guy stuck in the diamond/ice might be alive but if you tell me the others are later I’m gonna call bullshit. But all this leads to the sisters remarking that this might be a diversion to take out Jason which...

Jason is running around with Isabel and she remarks, “Oh you’ve really changed,” which, no? Jason always tried to get Isabel out of the situation first, if I recall? This is perfectly in character for how he has acted towards her before. She was always the one who insisted on jumping in with him I think, but I guess she means him delegating and not jumping in too. But he only had Roy and Starfire before so he didn’t really have a choice back then. I don’t know, I guess maybe there is a subtle distinction, but the way I see it, before he stayed involved to help his friends and here, the Su sisters are paid employees who should be able to handle things on their own, and there’s a bunch more of them and their fighting the dregs of the villain bucket. It’s the situation that has changed, not Jason himself.

At this point the fifth ace appears, takes some shots at them, and Jason says, “Hold my beer,” for no goddamn reason. This line really put me out of the story. He’s not even holding a beer, or anything at all for that matter, the line in this situation makes no sense. Lobdell, stop forcing memes or whatever into Red Hood comics. I don’t like it. Yeah, Jason is sarcastic and quippy on occasion but he’s not this pop-culture geek you have suddenly started insisting he is? Like that’s Tim or even Dick, it’s not Jason, okay? Also, this situation might have been funny if he actually was holding a champagne flute or something? It’s a casino, he could reasonably have been doing that before. Or he could have handed her his jacket, I don’t know, then maybe the line would make sense. It would still be dumb, but at least it would make sense.

But anyway, Miguel uses his brick powers to save them from getting shot up and hands Jason a suitcase--the “security protocols”, which contains his Red Hood outfit. Apparently this was not actually a thing set up by Jason himself, Miguel did it. So give this guy a raise, Jason, he’s really going above and beyond for you over here. I’m thinking maybe it’s not that Jason has totally stopped being Red Hood, just that he is trying to avoid being him in his casino to keep the connection between Jason Todd and Red Hood a secret, which makes sense.

It turns out the fifth ace guy is one of the All-Caste, which considering the fancy swords and the fact that there are only four aces in a deck, makes sense. Jason calls him out and it’s reiterated that Jason is the ‘chosen’, the last disciple of the All-Caste.

They fight, the guy spouts some stuff about how Jason never should have been trained and all that jazz. Jason remarks that people are always trying to make him do things their way and he’s more or less sick and tired of it. Which, you can’t blame him, no one who ever tried to train Jason seemed to have his interests at heart, even Bruce really. They just wanted a biddable little ninja boy.

So that all goes down and Jason literally turns the guy to dust, that’s just what happens to All-Caste and Untitled who get killed I guess, they turn to dust because they’re ancient. Suzie is all worried about Jason which is kind of nice. Like someone actually giving a shit about Jason is honestly a novelty, no one in the bat family ever seems to wonder if he’s okay, Biz and Artemis gave him lots of space and just assume he could handle himself, only Roy and Starfire cared at all and Roy is dead now. So yeah, seeing someone rush in, worried for Jason, kind of endears me to Suzie. I know she did messed up stuff in the past but I’m sold, okay? If she goes back to being an irredeemable villain I’ll be really disappointed.

But the real important thing is Jason hides that he took out the other intruder. He isn’t mentioning the All-Caste stuff to her, or maybe anyone, he could tell Miguel and Wingman about it later, we don’t know. All I know is that it’s in character, Jason tries very hard to keep All-Caste/Untitled stuff to himself and the Caste and not involve outsiders, but I know for a fact it’s going to blow up in his face somehow. It all worked out with Roy and Starfire but I don’t see it going so well here.

And that’s it. This issue was a lot of set up, there was good action, a lot of stuff happened. I’m interested to see more All-Caste stuff, hopefully get some things about it explained. It was really a blast from the past and felt a lot like New 52 RHATO which...I have mixed feelings about. I was hoping or something different, that seemed to be what was happening with the Casino arc but it’s really turning a corner. It wasn’t as if the New 52 run was all bad, and I mostly like what he’s done with the Su sisters so far, but I just hope Lobdell takes the occasion to re-explain some things with the All-Caste into being more interesting or making more sense. Seeing Isabel again was a nice surprise but I personally don’t see it lasting. Everything is going to come down on Jason again and she’s going to remember why they didn’t really go out in the first place. Also, I have a personal bias for Artemis, so there’s that.

I have NO IDEA what is going on with Wingman, why the heck wasn’t he in the issue at all? He was built up as some big mystery and wanted Jason to go back to Gotham, but then he isn’t even here when stuff goes down? I hope this doesn’t turn into some loose end that never gets explained, but we’ll have to see.