#so fucking bad at anything social)
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this isn't at all meant to be condescending or finger-waggy because 100% we all have blind spots like this, but I'm really, really hoping that the people who never found Gaiman's approach to his own fandom concerning in any way will take this all as a learning moment.
he was an older, hyper-famous author engaging directly and frequently with an online audience of largely vulnerable young marginalized people. he presented himself as cultured and worldly, and made himself approachable as someone to go to for advice, encouragement and "wisdom." his manner of speech was extremely pathos-heavy and clearly intended to be comforting and encouraging in exactly the way his target demographic needed it to be to swallow every word. the way he spoke about stories and creativity was designed to make young creative hopefuls feel special and important, while sweeping real analytical techniques under the rug - in hindsight, likely so no one would think too critically about the disturbing amount of patriarchal abuse played for cheap shock value and voyerism in his own body of works.
Gaiman saw a target demographic that was desperate for an older creative role model to tell them they were worth something, and he exploited that pain to twist a narrative around himself where he was king and any critique leveled at him or his works were the enemy.
to be clear, he could have been innocent. he could totally have been just an out-of-touch old man saying nice things to people because he wanted to be kind and he thought he was a lot smarter than he really was. red flags are warning signs, not a surefire way to tell if someone is actually "secretly shitty."
but if you used to look up to him, PLEASE take this moment to revisit the ideas you absorbed from him. did you take his words to heart because they seemed to have objective merit? or did you take them to heart because it felt good to believe what he said? do you still hold these values? does knowing he was intentionally manipulating his online audience make you less certain? do you need more information from a different source before deciding one way or another?
again, I'm just really, really hoping people on here will take a moment to reevaluate the ideas and opinions he's injected into tumblr fandom culture, because his reach is immense and he has absolutely been manipulating popular perception of relevant topics to gain further influence and control the narrative around both his own and Pratchett's legacy. please, please take this moment to notice what he's been doing - and next time someone tries to pull the same shit, hopefully we'll be able to apply what we've learned from experience.
#deerchatter#abuse cw#im going to be honest i came to hate him over his years on tumblr.#even if he'd done nothing wrong he was normalizing an extremely unhealthy relationship between a fandom and creator#and he always spoke with so much pathos and so little actual substance. he's an idiot desperate to seem smarter than he is#obvs didn't assume anything about his actual moral character but he sure was spreading some toxic ideas intentionally or not#absolutely heartbreaking and horrible that things turned out to be as bad as they were.#genuinely wrote this out because im hoping this can all AT LEAST make some people aware of the tactics he was using#so the next shithead celebrity who rocks up to social media with an agenda won't have as much reach#counting on people to read the best intentions into this post. i don't give a shit about celebrity drama i want people safe#edit: actually fuck it putting this in the tag#neil gaiman
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i think a really great aspect of oofuri is how much it gets mihashi's ass for being overly timid and dependent. it would be really easy to write off the way he and abe interact as being abe's fault because he is overbearing, and a lot of people do, but it has some really great moments of going "hey, you cannot hide behind abe or depend on him to make every decision. it's not good for you, or him, or the team."
#oofuri#yeah abe is a little overbearing but it is often because mihashi does not make decisions on his own so abe is just filling in the gaps#because he really and truly cannot make a good guess about what mihashi wants#because mihashi has never said anything about what he wants#but any time mihashi has ever voiced a complaint or suggestion abe takes it into account#he is not dismissive#he just doesn't think to ask because 1. mihashi has never given abe a straight answer to anything 2. abe is not very good at being social!!#autistic teen boy who needs things said simply to him paired up with autistic teen boy who thinks saying things simply will get him killed#abe should ask more but mihashi also needs to say more. abe can't read his mind and he shouldn't have to that's not how relationships work#i get a little irritated at the perception that abe is treating mihashi poorly#what is he meant to do when mihashi doesn't talk to him#i am thinking about the scene where tajima gets mad at mihashi#and tells him 'you can't play baseball with just abe'#because mihashi being incapable of speaking his mind and acting on his own isn't good for the team#and abe will pick up the slack but that isn't how things should be#i did not like the bijou game but i really liked it showcasing the strain it put on abe to make all of the calls#and there is a lot there to be said about how his willingness to do everything but actually pitch for mihashi#stems from how bad catching for haruna was for him#because he felt alone at the catcher's plate the same way mihashi did on the mound#and that. fucking scene of abe begging haruna to pitch. augh. he'll do the rest please just pitch#abe can do everything else as long as mihashi stays on the mound#obsessed with mihashi and abe mutually being so worried that the other person will not be there
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standing here sitting in my bed halfasleep trying to work up the mental power to go to uni for 7 hours,
#wednesdays are gonna be hell all year#last wednesday when i got home i was so drained from being in Social Situations that i was in PHYSICAL PAIN#...cause of the autism. the overstimulation of being at school for that long HURTS#how did i ever survive high school....#like i don't think i physically could pull off going to highschool at this point#man no WONDER i couldn't get anything fucking done in highschool actually if this is how my body reacts#i was just masking more back then...#anyways. its not all bad though.#its really only three classes- the third one is just super long cause we watch and analyze a movie during it#which isn't too bad. kinda fun really. still would prefer it if it was on a friday-
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1634 make me genuinely ill because there are just.... so few bonds in this sport where you look at them and go. that was 100% meant to happen like that and no one else could've slotted in. like yea, so many of players across the league form close bonds and friendships bc that's the nature of spending a whole part of your life sharing a common goal and space when you're like.. doing this team activity... and guys are constantly befriending ppl and moving on... but auston and mitch it's like. it's almost like THEY feel that they were supposed to have that bond... and go out of their way to reaffirm it at every turn... like they met and got along and loved each other immediately and were so excited to get to play hockey together only to NOT get to for a long while and while they waited, they ??? developed all these rituals. and these things together... their personal routines, things to communicate to each other that they have each other's backs and are building each other into their visions and superstitions and dreams, some of which we'll never know about (unless they'd so kindly like to tell us a la mitch's interview with cabbie where he says maybe some day he'll share the gifts auston's gotten him w the world. tell all book when mitch).. but their gloves and their handshakes and their warmups and even the way they walk into road games and it's jsut. like it's friendship, for sure, obviously. they get along off the ice and make each other laugh the most and have a good time, but it's also the inextricable linking of their own careers. BY THEIR OWN DOING. like they want their names jotted next to each other and that's PART of the chase for this greater goal. yes, they would have been talked about in tandem anyway bc they're out here being the best leafs ever and hitting milestones like 500 points.... 600 points... just weeks apart from each other season to season. but also it's their commitment to each other that makes them talked about too. it's commentators saying they love to play together bc they can see it. they've heard them talk about it. they watch it. "marner to matthews" "matthews to marner". they're always gonna know where each other are.... it makes me . feel. violent with love, lol. makes me feel like some things are definitely meant to be.
#dont even get me started on the way they just slot in next to each other as ppl too#like the perfect complementary pair in SO many ways#having things in common but plenty of things not. to always keep it interesting. adapting n shaping to who is around too#and the way they respect each others opinion and its so. DOCUMENTED. like. auston thinkin hes underrated too fkldjs#ITS JUST SO ? THE CONSTANT LOVE AND SUPPORT ON SOCIAL MEDIA...#MORE THAN FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING ELSE LIKE . IT GAGS ME... its so simple#feel like ive consumed so much hockey content across the board and the only ppl who compete are like#duos with years and years more on them flksdjfkl#kills me to think abt how much more lore we could know if they werent in toronto as a market liek#how much more open they could and would willingly be fkldsj yet.#part of the whole destiny thing is being there in toronto together too#mitchs home town. auston saddled w the weight of the franchise but also.#feeling like mitch helps him carry it. and hell give him credit any chance he can#co captains fucking when. maybe never but in my ddremas always#its almsot 1am im delirious but ive just#been surfing through some blogs today.. sorting some files on my own computer of them and just the AMOUNT of stuff ive savelkdjklfflkds#STAGGERING. THEY LOVE AEAHC OTHER SO BAD I LITERLALY#AM IN TEARS#1634#who else even does it like this like#i long to be compelled but nothing even touches it. everything else is just. fragments of fiction. WHERE IS THE POETRYY THE FATE THE LONGIN#i need to start a new project or smth im losing my mind
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hey, image of my beasts coming up sometime tonight in like a few hours, if not check back tomorrow in my art blog, it should be there by then
#it's so fucking over for you all#i will show you my beasts and your world will come crumbling down upon you#you will love them#and if you dont. well#let's just say there won't be a happy ray over here. i will be sad and i will cry#and you will feel so bad#why am i trying to guilt y'all into it actually the bit isn't that funny#sorry im just feeling like#being annoying about things#(it's a sign im actually doing well :3)#and that i'm thriving creatively and wh#an uh#getting better at like#wht's it called#social#socializing#something like that#anyways love y'all#hope you like my art when it does come out dw about not seeing it or anything tho fr#just hope that whoever does see it ends up liking it :3#yeah so uh#idk#imma go i guess#*turns around to leave and trips on a branch straight into a hole nearby*#AAAAAAAaaa..........
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AP Psychology notes + Resources and stuff
notes + flashcards that I used 2 study (not all my resources, found online)
Notes
Summary of every unit (16 pages)
A longer summary of every unit (53 pages)
Knowt AP Psych Guide
Doc for Notes
Unit 1 Notes - Intro to Psychology
Unit 2 Notes - Biological Psychology
Consciousness/Drugs Notes
Unit 3 Notes - Sensation/Perception
Unit 4 Notes - Learning
Unit 5 Notes - Cognitive
Intelligence Notes
Unit 6 - Developmental Psychology
Unit 7 - Motivation/Emotion/Stress
Personality Notes
Unit 8 - Disorders
Clinical Treatment Notes
Unit 9 - Social Psychology Notes
Flashcards
Quizlets
Important People
Domains of Psychology
Terms
Experiments
Knowt
AP Psychology Ultimate Guide
AMSCO AP Psych Chapters
Ch. 1 - Intro to Psychology
Ch. 2 - Research Methods
Ch. 3 - Statistics
Ch. 4 - Understanding the Brain: Its Structures and Functions
Ch. 5 - Neurons, Neural Communication, and Behavioral Genetics
Ch. 7 - Perception
Ch. 13 - Motivation
Ch. 15 - Infancy and Childhood
Ch. 16 - Adolescence and Adulthood
Ch. 17 - Personality Theories, Approaches, and Assessment
Ch. 20 + 21 - Abnormal Behavior
Ch. 22 + 23 - Treatment of Abnormal Behavior
Ch. 24 + 25 - Social Psychology
Websites
Fiveable Study Guides for each unit
Youtube - Tim Steadman
Youtube - The School of Ireland
Youtube - Crash Course Playlist - Psychology Playlist
Youtube - Mandy Rice
Youtube - College Board - AP Psychology Playlist
Youtube - Social Science Simplified
AP Psychology Reddit
Other Tumblr blogs with more resources!
@ap-psych-ology
@nuroscience
#ap psych#ap psychology#psychology#psych#college board#study#study resources#notes#quizlet#flashcards#ap psychology study tools#anything else to add? let me know :)#AP Psych AMSCO#studying#textbook chapters#studyblr#tim steadman#crash course#mandy rice#social science simplified#the school of ireland#i didnt see sigmund freud on the test as much as i thought i would#i hate that guy#why does he want to fuck his mother?#weirdo !#i'd post my own notes but my handwriting is bad and im too lazy to rewrite everything neatly#:P#off topic im so mad at quizlet#why r all the good features blocked behind a pay wall?#like how rude
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is this outfit historically accurate? probably the fuck not. is it practical in any way shape or form? also probably not! but does it serve cunt? YES 😩🙏💅 and that's all that matters!
#oc liveblogging#i feel so bad hakjshkgjhsk if any fashion designer/person who actually knows anything about fashion really saw my designs#they'd beat the absolute shit out of me. LIKE IM SOSRHSHF IM PROBABLY MIXING THINGS THAT WOULDNT MAKE SENSE BUT AHGH IM TRYING#i do reference a lot of shit and i am trying to get better at drawing cloth and such. my friends rly being into cosplay has made me start#thinking abt materials bc a lot of designs dont specify that yeah? and it is cool to think about like is that cotton or polyester or vinyl?#fuckk tho I THINK I BLAME VOCALOID & MONSTER HIGH FOR MY TASTE IN ALT FASHION FOR CHARA DESIGNS. MH ESPECIALLY TBH#being really into doll lines when i was younger in general means a lot of focus on the clothes bc yeah duh thats a main doll selling point?#btuahktjskgslg. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.#now the problem of all time. my ass who loves to add little details but how many can i add w/o the design getting messy#and not being a pain in the ass to draw every time bc theres sm to do. i love coloring but also at what fucking cost man...#like i loveee lace but ITS SO FUCKING HARD TO DRAW. RUFFLES AND SHIT FGRAHHRHHH fuck u frilly fashions so cute but so hard to draw grrr#also on the historically accurate note grhhHGHAHH im so sorry but WHY IS MENS FASHION SO BORINGGG 😭😭😭#like maybe i need to look more but uGHHH generic suit generic brown suit plsease i need some variety. i know social expectations stuff yes#but ghshkgjsjh PLEASE. im trying im doing more research...
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Highschool sucks because I could get hit in the face with a soccer ball at full speed and only 2 girls will care enough to ask if I'm okay
#totally isnt what happened today or anything#ummm anyways my face still hurts a little bit but im mainly feeling fine now#SHOUT OUT TO THOSE 2 GIRLS THOUGH. THEY WERE ALSO THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO ASKED IF I WAS OKAY AFTER AN ASTHMA ATTACK THE OTHER DAY#theyre really sweet#id try to be friends with them but they dont seem like the type of people who would want to be friends with the girl who doesnt talk#so far being friendless at school has only caused a few tears to be shed. living it up guys#plus like i have really bad social anxiety you all know this i cant go up to people or ill cry#but yknow whatever im fine with being alone. it gives me more time to draw i guess#doesnt matter#FUCK THOSE BOYS WHO KICKED THE SOCCER BALL IN MY FACE#MY GLASSES CUT MY NOSE AND I HAVE A BLACK BRUISE NOW#it hurts to have my glasses on my face but i need them super bad i cant see 2 inches away from my face#ughhhhh im so tired of my school. i cant do this#text post#shut up hazel
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unfortunately the world is too fucking messed up so I am currently unable to give a shit about how messed up everything is because it's all too big and if I get upset about any of it my entire ability to be a person will come crashing in
normal service will resume as soon as possible
#red said#this is not a choice I'm making. to be clear.#it's just that after everything that's happened in the last year or so i am currently incapable of having a feeling beyond 'oh.'#just a kind of blank stare of 'this is certainly information i am recieving'#so I'm giving myself permission. to be numb to the horrors of the world for a short while.#because being mad at myself for not caring enough doesn't seem to be doing much to help and it's sapping me more#so i figure. i just accept that right now i cannot summon any strong reactions to things however much they deserve them#and hopefully a short time of that will help me rekindle my will to fight cause right now frankly I'm getting nowhere#I've still been trying to show up and do what i can but it feels so overwhelmingly pointless i think I'm actively undercutting myself#like I'm actively extending the period in which I can't fully commit myself to any cause or action#i can't even get angry any more and this shit deserves so much anger#but I've been angry for so long i think I've lost track of how to hold it as a live thing#I'm angry about 15 years of social murder in my own country. I'm angry about the ongoing violence against Palestine. I'm angry about Congo.#I'm angry about the death penalty in the US and I'm angry about the ongoing quiet genocide of First Nations people in Canada#and I'm angry about climate change I'm angry that people are burning and freezing around the world. I'm angry and I'm fucking scared#but none of that's GOING anywhere and none of it seems to be worth shit and at some point it just gets ossified#it's not like. a driving force at the moment. it's not propelling me it's not doing anything it's just a constant scab yk#i need. to feel like my anger has any kind of worth or does any kind of good. and that's not there it's just so built up.#i need too flush it out and start with it fresh and keen#cause at this stage yeah I'm just too tired by it to feel it intensely. it's just background noise.#i see the thing about Trump bringing back the federal death penalty or i watch my government debate how best to attack migrants#and I'm just like. 'oh. that's bad. that is a bad thing that's happening.' and i feel nothing#because at this point I'm so used to be information causing anger and fear and hopelessness that it doesn't like. register as a feeling.#this isn't happening about everything. i can still feel things on an interpersonal level. but that like. systems anger.#it's not landing cause i am so struggling emotionally to feel like i can do a single thing with it#like not just stuff happening Over There but here too. people i live being attacked out neglected by structural forces.#I'm succumbing to the 'oh. that's bad.' bc honestly i just have run out of road in being angry#i don't think it's permanent i think I'm just exhausted
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whenever i see people defend having ai in everything because they believe we are on the cusp of the great singularity blah blah sci-fi magic future that does not (& most likely will not ever) exist:
#humanoid robotics do exist & are in their infancy but they will never be anything more than sex dolls filled w REMs mined by child slaves#hot take maybe but literal objectification of peoples (& lets be real mostly womens) bodies is fucked up bad not cyberpunk cool!#god and the whole character ai chat bots where people 'talk to' their fave blorbos is so anti-social and sad#'its the future accept it!' current trends arent natural phenomenon like rain. theyre pushes by women hating tech bro capitalists. thats al#theres a world that could have these technologies (advanced ai not the sex dolls part) & be fine but we dont live there!!#maybe one day scifi magic 'ai that is actually sentient' question could be real but you are delulu to think its not lifetimes away#i just watched measure of a man last night (probably why this is on my mind) & it was great. data is a machine but also is indeed a person!#i hate to break it to everyone though (especially as a baby trekkie myself) that star trek is unfortunately not a documentary#im not getting into it rn but it drives me crazy that so many popular MLs on this site turn into sniveling But My Treats liberals over ai 🙄
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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i'll never not be disgusted by the whole thing involving that child honest to god
#whether he is louis' or not#like jesus christ he's gonna be on social media in a couple years if he's not already#seeing people having update accounts or fan accounts for him or saying anything about him#how anyone can let this entire image go on is insane#he's literally been exploited since conception#so fucking sad#you just know nothing good is gonna come of that#he's most likely going to be very troubled in his teen and adult years#is that a big conclusion to jump to? kinda but not really#it's like child stars but even worse#because it's literally been since the second he was born pretty much#i just can't#and all of the back and forth on privacy#what a joke#i actually feel so bad for that kid at this point#and louis lets it happen/contributes to it#it's so hard to accept i think i really don't believe there's any way it could be contractual
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I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL OF YOU ‼️‼️‼️
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7499a08178c1ada71b4e277786836346/ee96a86bb8cbd984-f8/s540x810/a13f58329a3ac073fa522deaae9f60e23ebfd46e.jpg)
#blog#i wish i didnt suck so baaaaad at talking#and i wish i had the energy to socialize#man if this is how drained i am when unemployed/not in school imagine if i actually fucking did anything#id just be dead#can someone just make a discord server so i can join it and talk to you all#even then though i suck so bad at keeping up with those [broken heart emoji] (my emoji button isnt working)#i mute them once and then bc of my lack of object permanence i just forget they even exist and the cycle continues....#still it would be a godsend if i could have a server to talk with u all in....................
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Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.
#I’m not even sure if the ADHD is actually ADHD either or if it’s just technology addiction#Gonna get a REAL neuropsych evaluation at some point out of sheer curiosity as to what the fuck is wrong with me#I relate to a lot of autistic things and I relate to a lot of ADHD things; but I don’t entirely relate to the majority of either population#and I don’t relate to people with both enough to think I have both#I’ve begun treating myself as if I am autistic just for Kicks and using things that help them and it’s helping in some ways#but I know it’s probably not autism because even though I struggle socially; it’s not because of the same reasons#I understand social cues; I was only accidentally perceived as rude as a kid (and most kids are kind of blunt)#(Mostly a moderate amount of “Stop correcting me! It’s disrespectful!” from my parents)#And nowadays because of how much psychology and acting I study; I can perceive shrimp social cues#And I’m purposefully doing all the right things but it still feels like I fail social interactions because of my lack of assertiveness#which I KNOW come from being raised in a cult#so perhaps my odd social behavior is from CPTSD from being raised in a puritan doomsday cult as an only child#Because I was NOT introverted or sensitive to others as a child#I did not have routines as a child and the ones I did have were for fun and did not distress me if I strayed from them#But now I need structure as an adult because I don’t know what else to do with myself if I have nowhere to be#But at the same time everyone feels worse when they have no routine or expectations#And is it actually inattentive ADHD or severe derealization and an itch to do as many things as possible#because I spent my childhood being raised in a boring doomsday cult by disabled older parents who couldn’t physically do much?#(And I don’t fault my parents for being disabled but I do fault them for the whole doomsday cult thing)#So I spent my whole childhood doing mentally tedious things when really I’m more wired for physically spontaneous things#Because I was not allowed to walk around the neighborhood alone until I was sixteen#And I couldn’t hang out with friends I wanted to hang out with because they were bad association#So of course I got really good at drawing even though I don’t even like drawing that much#Of course I got really good at writing even though I don’t like writing that much#Now that I don’t need to escape from anything I find I actually hate drawing and writing because it’s such a chore#they make my heart rate accelerate in a way I don’t like to feel#(I hate writing less than drawing)
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Actually filling up my queue with ALL my remaining un-posted commissions feeling like:
#im so bad at social media oh my god#like i kind of... more or less Left for my mental health#the internet just fucking sucks to be on these days idk 😂 its all drama or sad things or the Horrors and I just#I will come here for my commissions bc im a broke lady who desperately needs the funds but thats about it as things stand right now#one day i'll find a new hyperfixation and I will return#but its been hard to really care about anything for awhile#ok ima shut up now
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staaaaares off into the void
#officially spiraling again 🙃#bad thoughts everywhere about my inability to be a human and fear of that never changing#everyone around me can make it work can have lives can hold jobs and not want to kill themselves#why can't i lmfoafksjdhfs#um. yeah. idk. i have counselling on tuesday i think so i'm tryin to just hold on til then#but i'm also out of my antidepressants and the pharmacy has gone over the max 72 hrs without an update on my renewal request#had to take half my dose today so i have half for tomorrow too#so i'm probably gonna feel even worse for the next couple days 🙃🙃🙃#gonna look at doing some writing to distract myself + focus on good things#but i promise nothing idk how it's gonna go#and i'll probably be quiet when it comes to dms even though i just started catching up#bc being social just sounds like too much for me to handle today. sorry ;n;#i'll be fine!!!! promise i'm not like. Planning anything. just needed to vent a little#and as always i feel the need to explain my absence from dms bc god forbid someone misunderstand me that's apparently one of my worst fears#and deepest traumas lmaooooooooo... fuck#sorry. SORRY. sorry for the negative crying on the dash i just genuinely don't have anywhere else to spew it until tuesday (':#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#suicidal ideation cw#personal cw#vent cw#negative cw
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