#so far i have zero characters that are heterosexual in my mind

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

EVERY CHARACTER IS GAY UNTIL PROVEN STRAIGHT TO ME

[ichayalovesyou]

Carefully and Respectfully Attempting to Diffuse Concerns about Spock’s Orientation in SNW

I can’t pretend I haven’t been… heated, about this topic before. Partly because of my own Spock interpretations, partly because elements of this debate touch on sensitive elements of my queer identity. I also can’t pretend it hasn’t come back to bite me in the butt. So this is me trying to genuinely state my argument in a way relatively sympathetic to the opposite opinion. It also might be the last “long post/meta” piece I do on this topic for a little while. Full discussion under the cut.

Concern #1 : The current showrunners are being queerphobic.

My Argument: The current era of showrunners have shown that they don’t hate queer fans. They clearly obviously care about doing queer representation the right way. At the very least, they are not openly, adamantly against queer representation to the point where they let writers introduce many queer characters into the Trek universe.

They’ve Ret-queered two major characters already (7 of 9, Christine Chapel). The Kurtzman era of trek has had queer rep (of varying quality/gracefulness) since season one of Discovery. We’ve got Culber/Stamets, Seven/Raffi, Adira/Gray, Jessica/Beckett, Adira, Zero, and Captain Angel all use they/them pronouns. Gray Tal is a canonically transgender man! Melissa Navia has implied on Twitter that her character Erica Ortegas is some form of queer, at least in her interpretation. Which we might (and kinda have in Elysian Kingdom) end up seeing in canon. Especially since thus far in canon there have been moments that imply she may be attracted to Chapel or Una or both.

No one with a major production role in the new batch of Trek has (to my knowledge) deliberately spat in the face of Spirk or the idea Spock or Jim being queer as an interpretation. Something other Trek creators, like JJ Abrams or William Shatner absolutely have done. There’s no Rick Berman to deliberately wedge apart characters of the same sex that are being shipped. The one time the current showrunners seriously stumbled and everyone thought Discovery was about to do a “bury your gays” trope with Stamets and Culber. They “spoiled” the fact he was very much going to be back in season two to dissuade our fears.

No one has gotten laughed at, if anything every response I’ve seen has been respectful/acknowledging the history of K/S. Even if they don’t pursue directly it in the new batch of canon (which I don’t personally think they absolutely have to do) they’re not degrading the people who interpret Spock and Jim’s relationship as something not quite heterosexual.

Concern #2: Spock has always been gay/ace (any specific subdivision of queer), it’s basically canon! They’re taking that away from us!

My Argument: Spock being queer in any way, no matter what kind, has always been something up for interpretation. Something that the creators of Trek have been more receptive to than many, many other pop culture phenomena. Any interpretation of Spock’s implied orientation requires you to ignore at least some of the established canon.

I personally think a lot of fans (including myself in my own internalized bi/a-phobia and willingness to ignore canon elements) have hand waved certain canon things in TOS that Spock has said and done. Specifically regarding the women he has been interested in.

The real question is does a character “not being in their right mind” change their sexual/romantic orientation? Would Spock have been physically attracted to Leila at all if he was gay, even if the romantic feelings were imposed by the spores in This Side of Paradise? It’s hard to say. Did regressing back into ancient and unrepressed Vulcan emotions make Spock interested in women somehow? Or was his intense attraction to Zarabeth from All Our Yesterdays something else? What about the other times he’s flirted with women? Up to interpretation, all moments frequently ignored or explained away. “Spock’s got serious game with women, he can’t possibly be gay.”

What about the interpretation that he is straight? You would have to ignore a LOT of text to draw that conclusion too. For one, you’d have to ignore Amok Time’s deeper message. And every time Jim and Spock chose each other over whatever love interest of the week they had. Every longing, meaningful glance between those men, or the implications of hand holding in the Vulcan context. Ignore half of the meanings of the word t’hy’la. Or if you wanna drag SNW into it, ignore the way Captain Angel (who is non-binary) played Spock like a fiddle akin to the way Alora manipulated Chris in the previous episode, albeit more subtly. “Spock is in love with James Kirk, he couldn’t possibly be anything other than gay.”

The truth of the matter is Spock being queer-coded was a happy accident. A result of him being an outlet for fans who feel “other”. Reinforced by a queer screenwriter who used that otherness to be allegorical for queer people. Reinforced by Roddenberry and Nimoy being comfortable with the interpretation of the K/S relationship. Reinforced fans writing heaps and heaps of fanfiction, some of which got published as Star Trek novels! All of which embraces and handwaves the actual text of TOS almost in equal measure.

I have to keep asking, is it queerbaiting if it was never deliberate? Is it queerphobic if Spock’s not the type of queer you personally extrapolated from the text that was important to you, as well as the text you ignored/explained away?

Concern #3: They’re shoving female love interests in front of Spock to prevent him being interpreted as queer.

My Argument: SNW, in my opinion, is providing depth to pre-established canon romantic prospects into something that gives both women depth, and could potentially enhance Spock’s queer narrative. Redefining some of their more, questionable, one dimensional actions in TOS. As well as to recontextualize a very sexist/creepy aspect of Vulcan worldbuilding. Something I don’t think was intended as “we need to make Spock straight.” and more “what if these relationships weren’t fundamentally informed by 1960s sexism while also deepening the characterizations of everyone involved?”

What about the interpretation (and possibly the truth we’ve yet to know) is that while Spock obviously cares about Christine and feels compelled to make things work with T’Pring, he’s not in love with either of them?

Wouldn’t Spock coming to that realization lend itself further to the implication of Spock being on the ace spectrum and/or being more interested in men (or rather, one man) romantically? SNW has only had one season, we’ve got the building blocks of two relationships we factually know are going to fall apart in favor of Spock’s relationship with Kirk. If the showrunners have a plan for the set up, surely they have intentions for where the dominos will fall.

By Chapel and Spock having known each other before as friends, a friendship made complicated by one’s (or both’s) romantic feelings. It makes Chapel’s struggle regarding Spock in TOS go from “the kinda creepy advances of a woman he doesn’t really know and isn’t super interested in, but seems to care for despite some boundary issues”. Into an intriguing story about how close friendships can fall apart in unexpected, painful ways beyond our control, especially when romantic interest is involved.

Which can be read as something queer about Spock or read at face value. I also think it’s worth pointing out the two of them aren’t actually romantically involved (and might never be), because Spock is engaged and Chapel is visibly holding back. Still, even if they were it would be a queer relationship because Chapel is canonically bisexual, and no amount of m/f romance is going to magically un-bi her.

In the 60s, the concept of the ‘ownership’ of women and children was a lot more common, Vulcan culture played on that precedent in Amok Time. Yet, thanks to SNW, T’Pring obviously owns herself, she and Spock both do. By making an element of T’Pring and Spock’s relationship something they did as consenting adults, they give more opportunities for conflict and struggle. There’s still more cultural pressure for their marriage than actual emotions, and the bond they made in childhood being of more important still removes part of their agency in the matter. It complicates T’Pring’s role in Spock’s life in a way that doesn’t favor purely vilifying her as a “woman temptress” or victimizing her as somehow Spock or Stonn’s property.

I think we’re getting a lot more insight into Vulcan culture by getting to watch her clash against this betrothal as much as it deepens Spock’s clash with his birth cultures. They’re both trying to be “good Vulcans” both with something to prove. I think it’s really interesting to get to see Vulcans who technically do “fit in”, still struggle in the confines of cultural expectation. The relationship feels forced because it is forced. Nothing about Spock and T’Pring’s visibly failing engagement takes away from the message of Amok Time. That the pain and death and drama would be entirely avoidable if they didn’t feel compelled by their culture to be something they are not. T’Pring is not in love with Spock, she chose Stonn. Spock is not in love with T’Pring, he chooses Kirk.

Concern #4: They’re decanonizing Spirk, they’re taking K/S away from us by making Spock interested in women!

My Argument: Can you decanonize two characters having a relationship that hasn’t even happened yet in canon? If Spock and Jim meet before Kirk becomes Captain of the Enterprise that does it will change what’s currently canon, which I don’t have an issue with. At this point in SNW, 2359/2360, Kirk is serving on the Farragut and depending on the exact timing, might be engaged/married to Carol Marcus. Does James Kirk having been married or expressed interest in many, many women in the past negate his attraction to Spock? Or is Spirk being able to transcend all of both halves past relationships one of the ship’s many charms?

If they meet, chemistry is far from impossible. All the best of Spirk is already canon, we watched it play out on screen in TOS and even more so in its films. I count The Search for Spock as easily one of the most romantic movies I’ve ever seen! I totally get wanting more Kirk & Spock content I want it too! But even if they do choose to fully, officially ret-queer Spock and Jim’s relationship beyond names carved in a bar table. I don’t think Strange New Worlds not directly focusing on it makes that relationship or it’s queer interpretation not matter.

Ultimately there’s very little they could do that would “kill” Spirk. At least that wouldn’t be extremely out of character for either half of the ship or be unnecessarily hostile to the people who ship it. Which I don’t get the impression the current showrunners would do. It would disrupt the well established chemistry Spock & Kirk have in the prime universe if the showrunners went out of their way to put their dynamic into a specific category of relationship, and antithetical to the Gene Roddenberry coined term “t’hy’la”.

I think part of where Spirk thrives is in its ability to be whatever you want it to be, but I understand the need for queer representation, especially from such a historic sci-fi character like Spock. Still, I think things will be fine so long as they don’t make him explicitly straight. There’s plenty of identities within the queer umbrella he could have that are compatible with his m/f canon romance subplots.

TL:DR: I’m not worried, and don’t feel there’s reason to be. I think people need to take the shipping/fanon glasses off if they wanna enjoy the show as it is. If I'm wrong, well, that would suck, lol.

[wispforever]

if youre still doing the character thing, how about spirit or marie?

I sure am. How about Spirit And Marie? Both wonderful characters. I’ll do Marie first, then Spirit. Thanks for the excuse to infodump, really. You people are too kind.

Marie Mjolnir

My first impression of Marie was the same impression I get of most female characters in anime. It’s either “why do their clothes have to look like that” or “oh god here comes the obligatory sexist heteronormative romance”. For Marie, it was more of the second. They mention in the same episode she’s introduced that Stein is her “first love”, which told me that if she had a large place in the plot, her assigned male counterpart around which to orbit would be him. Though I’ve never read the Soul Eater manga, I believe they do end up getting together there (I could be wrong). Whatever the case, I was relieved that Marie’s and Stein’s relationship (though heavily implied to be romantic, at least on Marie’s side) was left open to interpretation in the anime. I’m just very sick of cool badass female characters like Marie being reduced to the man they pine after. So, I guess my first impression of Marie and my impression of her now are largely the same. While I appreciate the moments we get to see her strengths and ability to operate on her own, I do think that her character really suffers because of the whole sexist “oh gosh all I want is to find a husband and retire” “oh my I have to take care of Stein” like okay, I had enough at the cat girl smothering Soul with her humungo-tits. I had enough at sexualizing underage girls and women in general. I had enough at making sexual harassment a punchline. That being said, when we push all of the shitty writing to the side, I admire Marie for her strength and how she interacts with the children, Crona in particular. Which leads me to my favorite moment(s).

The relationship Crona and Marie have interests me the most, since I’m really drawn to the parallels between Marie and Medusa. As parental figures (and as characters), they’re about as different as you can get. As Crona’s mother, Medusa is obviously abusive. Along with being negligent, she abuses Crona mentally, emotionally, and physically. In general, Medusa is a person who doesn’t appear to value interpersonal relationships, putting it nicely. She instead is more focused on her own interests, often to the detriment of those around her. Crona is Medusa’s only immediate family (besides Arachne who she is estranged from), and so they suffer the most from her refusal to show even a shred of human decency or warmth. They suffer especially because they are her child, meaning they’re stuck with her essentially, and repetivie abuse between family members like a mother and child often becomes complex because of the necessity of having a parental figure in your life to support you as you grow up. Medusa teaches Crona that their boundaries don’t matter and that they are only good as long as they are useful and do as they’re told. This is what makes Marie’s influence on Crona so cool to watch. Marie is caring by nature, loving and nurturing by nature. Her very wavelegnth is healing. She is kind and does what’s right reflexively. Marie is the exact embodiment of what Crona always needed but what, even upon being rescued by the academy, still felt so foreign to them: unconditional love. Crona struggles to understand why the other kids helped them, why Maka felt the inclination to stop their battle and save Crona instead by trying to understand them, why the kids are still so kind to them even after everything. They do not understand that love is not a bargaining chip. It isn’t leverage in an argument. It’s not a tool for emotional manipulation. Love is caring for the people close to you, just because. Love for the sake of love. The other kids and teachers at the academy are the ones who are able to pull Crona out of all Medusa’s lies, and Marie is a Huge part of that. Even though I have greivances with this being the largest part of her character and what that implies for female characters in general, it doesn’t stop being so beautiful to me that she could help Crona heal in this way. Marie = best mom for the win

Most of the story ideas I have for Marie involve her relationship with Crona or Stein. Say, this covers my unpopular opinion too. I don’t like Stein and Marie as a couple, but I really enjoy writing them as friends, because even though I don’t really jive with them being together romantically, I think their dynamic is an interesting one to explore because they Are so different.

Getting into that a little bit more, I’d like to start by saying I don’t care if other people like Stein and Marie being a couple. That’s great doods, keep doing you. The fanart’s adorable, the meta’s fantastic. Whoever you are, SteinMarie shippers, ffs keep kicking ASS. This is just my preference and opinion. Zero shade in this house. That said, because of my frustrations about Marie’s character I discussed in the first paragraph, I don’t like the idea of her and Stein being together romantically. It’s really a classic sexist trope: the troubled man and his sweet nurse. I’m also just fed up in general with the hetero-nonsense, so there. However, they are both wonderful characters that I enjoy very much seperately. Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that I’ve only seen the anime, so I can’t speak for the manga as far as their relationship or Marie’s character in general.

Oh shit I accidentally already talked about this one lmao [see the second paragraph]

One headcanon I like to think about when I’m writing Marie is that she likes women (in addition to men or not) and she struggles with comphet. Just something interesting I like to think about. It’s really fun for me to take characters who have been written as pining or had 10 million failed relationships and be like “say what if they can’t find a husband cuz really what they really need is a wife”. I’ll talk about that more with Spirit inevitably.

Spirit Albarn

My first impression of Spirit, obviously him being a cheater, really came with a lot of distaste. I come from a family that was torn apart by infidelity, among other things, so it really rubs me the wrong way. However, his saving grace for me was that he genuinely loves his daughter. It appears that, whether it’s played for laughs or not, he just can’t find fulfillment in his romantic relationships. The reason is left up to the veiwers. Spirit, ultimately, is not just a shitty person, which is how most cheaters are protrayed in media. “Well, they cheated because they don’t care if they hurt people”, “they cheated because they are shit and that’s it”. That’s a fine explanation if you plan to do nothing with whatever character you’re describing, but Spirit is relatively recurring and is shown to be neither mean-spirited or emotionally unintelligent. It bothers me that his cheating and routine sexist behaviour isn’t taken seriously enough to be a subject that Soul Eater tackles and deals with. But that’s fine. I’ll just do it myself. At any rate, I still feel that same way about Spirit’s character, but I find it intriguing that he seems to genuinely want to become a better father and is actually a pretty good dad when it comes to his interactions with Maka. If Soul Eater had been brave enough to develop him more, maybe delve into the reasoning behind his impulsive romantic affairs, I think Spirit as a character could have been done more justice. It seems to me that he could be suffering from some of that wonderful compulsory heterosexuality that I mentioned before, then becoming confused when the woman he claims to love leaves him feeling empty. Rattling my gay little cage

When I think of my favorite moments with Spirit, I think of his moments with Maka, but I’m gonna hold off on that until I get to favorite relationship(s). In reference to what I talked about in the first paragraph, one moment I find really interesting when I’m thinking about my interpretation of Spirit’s character is the scene where he and Maka are on the roof talking. Maka asks Spirit why he cheated on her mother if he did, in fact, love her. He doesn’t appear to know the answer, and he doesn’t really understand how to effectively communicate that, though he was shitty husband, what he really wants now is to try and be a better dad. We hear his inner monologue, and he says something like “I love you [Maka] and your mama. That’s the truth. That’s the truth. That’s the truth.” Every time he says “its the truth” it sounds more like he’s forcing it. This is actually something that is SO strange to me. Even if I didn’t project a queer narrative on to the characters I love, I would look at this and be like “huh that is a Weird thing to say in that specific way”. Why does he say it like that? Why does he have to say it more than once? He’s only talking to HIMSELF. It isn’t like he’s trying to convince Maka. Why does he have to convince himself?? Could it possibly be because he’s reached a conclusion about his romantic/sexual orientation that he’s been trying to swallow his Entire Life??? makes ya wonder, doesn’t it, queers?

Just like I said when I talked about Stein, most of the stories I have in mind with Spirit center around that sweet gayness. But also, I like to think of ways Spirit could come to terms with his sexuality, how it might have affected him when he was young, his relationship with all these women, with his wife. I love to think about him being a dad at 18 and trying his best, but how much responsibility that must have been. Lots of great ideas when it comes to Spirit.

Um? unpopular opinion would be all the standard like I said with Stein lmao. “Oh no!” scream the heteros, “that they/them on tumblr is making Soul Eater queer we canst not allow that in our church!!!111!” But besides that, maybe even the fact that I think he’s redeemable?? Idk most everyone I’ve met thinks Spirit is funny at least and just calls him a dumbass and a slut (affectionate). Doesn’t mean anybody thinks cheating on your wife 56 times is okay so. I like this fandom, it’s chill here. My favorite is when I see my art tagged like “aw the stupid man and his crazy bf” like YOU ARE RIGHT

My favorite relationship when it comes to Spirit (besides Stein cuz if I start talking about them again I’ll never finish this ask) is the one he has with Maka. If you can call it a relationship lol. I guess I just find Spirit’s approach to Maka as a parent really refreshing. Not that the parents in other shows don’t love their kids or whatever, it’s just that the loving parent always seems to be paired with some other trope that makes their character hard to approach. especially in anime. Like the perfect mother who dies in the first episode, and we spend the rest of the show mourning her. Or the father whose love is somehow everlasting even though he’s never home. It’s really the fact that Spirit is even THERE that I love. He knows what Maka is up to. He talks about her. He’s invested in her life, and he loves her. All he wants is to spend time with her, and though he’s sad when she turns him down, he doesn’t push her. god dammit I just like a dad who actually loves his kids without all the usual strings attached like. oh my kids are a huge pain in my ass, but I love them in spite of it. oh i’m a man so can’t relate to my children in a meaningful way but i try. Get the fuck outta here with that shit. I want all the dads to get so happy when their daughters wanna hang with them that they throw up like Spirit. Give me the guy who loves his daughter so naturally, whose daughter is such a huge part of his life, that it doesn’t even occur to him stop trying even if she literally wants to murder him. That’s Spirit. jfc

To end with a cute little headcanon, I really love to think that when Spirit gets older and starts losing the color in his hair, instead of getting white or grey, his hair turns a pale pink color cuz he’s such an aggressive redhead. Wouldn’t that just be adorable? late 30′s, early 40′s, Spirit starts getting little pink streaks in his hair and then bam. Little pink old man Spirit XD

There ya have it. Thanks for the ask, and feel free to send more.

[ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au]

my thoughts on The Umbrella Academy S2 [spoilers ahead]

so putting all my thoughts down was really hard. i decided to do it per character instead of like per appearance/episode - sorry if this is kinda hard to follow. this is also VERY LONG... hence the keep reading but here is a small taste -

he really overestimates his ability to time-travel

she told those men that she blew their mind + their heads literally blew up - mine about did too

FIVE

he really overestimates his ability to time-travel

k - he really needs to learn to TALK to his siblings more

but also he needs to work on his talking skills...

seeing five just mass murder people is highly amusing because he’s in the body of a 13yr old

also but how soft five was with vanya - i cry

i wanted a mention of dolores but alas only klaus remembered

though i did enjoy the continued coffee obsession - even if it was subtle

ALLISON

she told those men that she blew those their mind + their heads literally blew up - mine about did too

the second she walked into that diner - i was pAniCKing

the way those women were READY to throw down when allison ran into their shop - we stan them all (one of them was wielding a piping hot curling iron)

her husband ray is the sweetest of men + just what she needed before having to go back to twentieth century/glamour

i really liked the way they showed the consequences of allison using her powers - how she quickly slips back into bad habits. how it makes her into someone she doesn’t like

i’m really glad they didn’t forget claire - i was gonna be mad if she wasn’t mentioned

LUTHER

i stan luther hargreeves + i run the luther hargreeves protection squad cuz all of you are meanies who like to blame him for everything when in reality the real problem is their father

controversial opinion that i will be making a much larger post on but i ship allison x luther - they aren’t biologically related, they were only raised as siblings, there is 0% wrong with them falling in love

luther didn’t bother me in s1 like he did all y’all but that’s cause i’m mature enough to realize all of the siblings are fucked up - so the fact they made him more likeable this season is so nice. maybe ya’ll will take a chill pill on your luther hate-train

it was very interesting seeing luther so apathetic for the first bit of the season, when he had such a hero-complex last season

listen his talk with vanya in the barn was amazing - some people might be upset about the gun but the last time any of them saw her she had just blown up the fucking moon mkay?

he apologized for failing as a brother

for not being there

and he even said he didn’t care if vanya was bullshitting him

last thing - luther underestimating his self-importance now because of how he overestimated his self-importance in s1. i love that psychological circle

DIEGO

him being in the nuthouse makes perfect sense - i won’t lie

his role-reversal with luther this season was so *chef’s kiss*

TEAM ZERO *gives diego the fist-bump he deserved*

the moment lila slapped him when he leaned in for a kiss was the funniest shit ever - ‘i don’t understand you’ - then she kisses him - i was cackling

she gave him so much shit + i love that about her

when reginald yelled at him + it made his stutter come back for the fist time since he was a kid - FEELINGS

so in that last battle when diego redirected those bullets - that’s a power of his in the comics isn’t it? or is that just his power? projectile redirection? cause that was a confusing ass way to introduce that. just saying

him interacting with grace this season was like... hard cuz it’s not really her

KLAUS

the fact he made a cult is just so... klaus

he very much so looks like a hippie jesus

i’m kinda glad they showed him relapse because in a lot of media once someone gets clean it’s all butterflies + roses + unicorns out the ass. in reality - relapses happen

the family still isn’t very nice to klaus but we can work on that - they are better than before. it’s a work in progress

klaus trying to stop dave from dying but instead moving up his enlistment date

that diner scene made me hurt

BEN

the fact he is so over getting klaus out of things -  I'M So tIrED oF YouR shIt Klaus

WE GOT KLAUS’S LEVITATING ABILITY BUT IT WAS JUST BEN AND I LOVE THIS ADLGFJGKLSDFJG

when the two of them were just fighting on the side of the road - i cackled

ben being the one to talk vanya down? what we deserved

‘hug me while i go’ - i cry

THE ENDING WITH BEN BEING THAT LITTLE SHIT HEEL BUT ALIVE

i can’t wait for jackass alive ben next season

VANYA

poor girl is awake for a whole ass 5 seconds before getting hit by a car

i really thought vanya was pretending to have amnesia

may i say that s1 vanya dressed far too gay to be heterosexual + s2 vanya did not disappoint

as a gay i appreciate the fact the writers heard all of us saying vanya is 100% gay + being like ‘ok sure’

it makes me kinda sad how happy vanya was with no memories vs s1

her connection with harlan was just so - amazing

also, i think harlan always had powers + that’s why vanya was able to pull a moses at the lake + jesus harlan back to life

i liked sissy. i also liked how she gave us a glimpse into a very realistic thing that used to happen to women who loved women. they would marry men because it was the norm. they’d also have affairs.

and her choice to stay was one made by a good mother - she was putting harlan first. every good mom puts their child first. even if they so desperately want to be selfish.

in good news - vanya now knows she likes vagina!

the fact they legit used LSD on vanya while she was being electrocuted was A LOT

seeing inside vanya’s mind was super interesting - especially when she remembered + how she was trapped inside the white violin

she wanted to die - let’s all take that in for a second

she ASKED for her siblings help + they didn’t disappoint for ONCE

her POWER at the farm... she leveled an ARMY

MISC.

i stan herb + elliot

the handler is super conniving - i wasn’t expecting to dislike her this much

ngl i was rooting for fish-man

lila had me convinced she was crazy the first half ngl - also i guessed she was one of their lost siblings when she first fought five

the three swedes weren’t as fun as hazel + cha-cha but still decent

reginald continues to be #worstDadever

anyone else a little confused why he peeled his face off? s1 flashback he was in human form on his home-planet but apparently it’s a mask???

we saw the original grace!!! she was just as perfect as the robot version too!

BABY POGO IN HIS LITTLE JAMMIES MADE ME WANT TO SNUGGLE HIM SO BADLY - that is all

[skaryskylar]

CAMELOT

Pairing: BakuDeku, DekuBaku Switch

Type: One-Shot

Prompt: Twin Stars Week/Day 2-Pro Heroes

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Mentioned smut,  ANGST , Major Character Death, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Post-Canon

Read on AO3

"Don't let it be forgot, that for one brief, shining moment there was a Camelot." - Jackie

           The morning dew has yet to clear. Kyoka finds her gaze drawn to the gleaming drops against the lush green expanse of the lot. It goes out for as far as her eye could see, trickling even into the thicket of oak trees beyond the yard. A wisteria looms over the black gate in the distance, lavender falls obscuring an entire section of it. The fog of the night has begun to lift, but only just. The world remains in a sleepy gray.

Fitting, she supposes, for a day like this.

She turns back to the great white house that stood high above her, taking in the roman pillars on either side of the porch, the double wooden doors, wrap-around porch, and just the sheer majesty of it overwhelms her.

She looks down. 'Trespass and you die.' said the welcome mat. If anything, at least she knows she has the right house. Kyoka steels herself.

The dark cherry wood of the door opens just as she lifts her hand to knock again. A face stares out at her, and it takes a moment for her to recognize her old friend. Age had done him a favor. Grief threatens to take it away. He's blessed with smooth skin, few wrinkles courtesy of his quirk, only a hint of crow's feet.

But his eyes are dull. She remembers them as gleaming rubies-keen, cut sharp enough to kill-always staring at their target with a startling intensity.

This is the color of muddied blood, sickly with dark rims beneath the gaze. Still, she smiles, opening her arms to tug him into a tight embrace.  He doesn't resist. There was a time when such a show of affection would've meant small explosions and screaming, but the morning's silence goes uninterrupted till she dares to murmur,

"Hello Kats. It's good to see you."

He pats her shoulder, still silent as he inclines his head to tuck his chin over her head. His grip tightens once, twice, then he releases her, wordlessly drawing back inside to clear the entryway. She follows. Behind her the door shuts with a creak as she looks about the foyer, quick eyes darting from the marble staircase by the wall, to the glistening chandelier above their heads, then out to the halls. She follows the sound of his fading footsteps, taking her time as she prowls looking from photo to photo of bright smiling faces, a happier golden time.

All the while ignoring the oppressive knells of tragedy that ring out in every corner, rattling her ears till she has to cover the jacks with her hands to reduce the pressure.

"This is a nice place Kats." she calls out, to distract herself. Minutes pass. She doesn't think he's going to answer when a low, raspy voice sounds out,

"...That's right. You missed the housewarming. You were-,"

"In America, covering the war."

She finishes her snooping. Tucking into the dining room where he waited, she looks at how he looms over the bar cart at the other end of the room. The gray cast through the window bathes him in a gaunt light, placing shadows where there should've been none, dimming his usual glow till he himself was a shade. Kyoka makes her way to him slowly, but with each step, the vision steadily gets worse.

Katsuki is by no means an unattractive man, but there's something off. An...unstableness to him. The rumors swirl in the back of her mind but she pushes them away. Time may have made them grow distant, but she still thinks she knows him. Knows what he's capable of. At least, when it comes to her.

"Sorry about that again. Oh, um, just water please," She nods as the man gestures to the drinks on the rolling bar cart.

He puts her drink at the right hand seat of the head of the tables. She take her place with grace, placing her tape recorder and notebook down primly. Gazing out the window, she patiently waits for him to settle with his whiskey.

There are no words of judgement spoken aloud as he takes a hearty swig.

She can feel his eyes on her, and hear the flicker when he turns away, following her gaze out the window to the rolling lush grass, down at the brown bunny who sniffed around in the dew.

"Are you ready?" She asks after a lengthy silence. The clink of ice in his cup is booming.

"As I'll ever be."

Licking her lips, she turns to him, hand already settled on the tape recorder. He doesn't shift his gaze from the hare in the lawn. There's something indiscernible moving around in his eyes.

Clicking the record button, she begins,

"July 25th. 8: 12 AM. I'm sitting with Katsuki Bakugou hero alias Ground Zero, the Symbol of Victory, here at the number one hero's dining room table. It is a gray day, with a fog settling between the trees surrounding his grand estate and dew still lingering on the blades of grass,"

She stops, considers, concedes.

"There is a rabbit in the yard. He stares out at it instead of me as we begin this interview...Mr. Bakugou how are you feeling today?"

"... It's 'the Wonder Duo's' dining room table, and 'their' grand estate. My name isn't the only one on the deed. And if you're gonna call me that the whole time, we're ending this shit now."

Scarlet eyes flicker to her and there it is. There's the man she knows. The vicious one who would bite and snarl and rip things apart so long as he would win.

"What's going on with you Kats?" She feels emboldened to ask now. "Are you ready to talk about this today? Because if you need to shift this interview slot, I can talk to my boss and have him send someone else-."

"I'm only doing this because it’s you Phones," he says. A hand goes up as if to brush through his hair, hesitates, then drops back down to handle the glass of whiskey. "The others, I-," He looks outside once more. "I can't talk to them.They don't know me. They didn't know him. You've seen us at our worst, and I..."

He falls silent and says no more. There's a vein working in his neck. She could hear it. The quick thump thump thumpof blood flow. She wants to give her quirk to him so he could hear it too: the reminder that he is alive to sit there and say what he needs to say.

Instead, she presses the urge into her grip on the recorder, starting anew.

"July 25th. 8:16 AM. I sit here with Katsuki Bakugou, hero alias Ground Zero, at the Wonder Duo's dining room table. It's a gray day but," She glances out to the clouds overhead. "The sky shows signs of clearing....Kats,"

She waits until the man looks at her, twin rubies dull in the light. Kyoka tries to put the ball in his court.

"Tell me about your husband."

"You know the story of how we met. Childhood friends. We didn't get along around puberty, but we were stuck together throughout UA whether I liked it or not. You were there. You've seen the worst of it."

"I never understood it though. Kirishima and Mina were childhood friends and they-,"  

"Were different from us. Or rather Izuku and I were different from the rest....We were always different. Complex. Simple and easy would've bored us I think."

Ice clinking. Fabric rustling as he rolls back the sleeves of his thermal. She takes a deep breath.

"....When did it change?"

If he could, he would gouge out his eyes and swallow them whole so he wouldn't have to see this crap.

"I didn't know they were dating." Mina mumbled into her cup of tea. He doesn't look up from where Deku has an arm slung around Round-Face's shoulder, plush pink lips pressing a kiss to her cheek.

Katsuki sneered.

"They deserve each other," He took a vicious bite from his apple, enjoying the crunch between his teeth as something raw and ugly reared its head within his gut. He felt sick and angry all at once. He wanted to retch. He wanted to fight. He wanted to take Izuku and....and...and...

He didn't know, and that was the worst of it.

"Kacchan! Let me go!" Deku's wrist was rough beneath his grip. The kid had scars, more than Katsuki could even count, all over his arms. He was beginning to suspect that he got them on purpose to look stronger than he really was. If that was the case, he had no qualms about laying down a few marks of his own. Lord knows he was good enough to do it.

"We're sparring nerd! Or are you trying to slack off now that you've got your little fancy ass quirk? You can't take up All Might's mantle if you're not willing to work."

That shut him up the rest of the way to the training room.

"I was supposed to have a date with Ochako tonight," The third-year muttered as he stripped off his shirt. Katsuki looked over the muscles in his back, how they flexed beneath the expanse of tan skin, shoulders covered in dark little constellations.

(And he burned.)

There was a thrill of satisfaction at the words. He swallowed it down lest he say something stupid.

But the feeling was so addictive he couldn't help but do the same thing all over again the next 'date night'. If Round Face wanted to distract the future #2 hero, she'd have to fight Katsuki for Deku's time.

It would have to come to a head eventually. He didn't expect it to take a whole fucking year, but he was nothing if not diligent. When Katsuki opened the door of his apartment one night to find Deku, bulked up from his time as Miruko's side-kick, lingering in his entryway, rain sticking his dark curls to his forehead as his eyes ran red with tears, he knew his work had finally paid off.

It was all he could do to hold back his victorious laughter as he pulled Deku in, peeled the wet clothes off his back, and pressed his advantage.

A hand pauses the recording.

"You broke them up?"

"I didn't break anything. Those two were doomed from the start. Two blatantly gay kids playing 'Heterosexual High School'. I did her a favor. Isn't she with that girl from Class B?"  

"I...You're a homewrecker Kats. What an asshole. No wonder she still shit talks about you."  

"She still hasn't gotten over it?"

She wants to laugh, but as soon as the impulse rises, the situation bears down on her once more, sobering her amusement into something bittersweet.  

"She didn't when I last saw her...But...I mean things are different now aren't they? I don't know how she feels."  

His tiny stutter of breath almost gets lost in the 'click' of the recorder. Scarlet eyes return to following the hare.

          The first couple months were a disaster. They were either called in for work, rained out, or something. Katsuki wasn't one for religion, but he couldn't help but feel as though karma had a gun to his head and was shaking him down for all he had.

Impromptu dates were the only option. They could never plan anything out, so they went on instinct, feeling their way through the darkness of the unknown, sprinting through each new thrill. It suited them. They weren't boring people, so the typical dating process wasn't up to their speed. Their dates had to be thrilling and unusual.

Katsuki loved each and every one.

But he had a favorite. This one stuck out cause it was the least expected, jarring in how its sheer inconvenience contradicted how much laughter bubbled out of his throat.

After all, not many people could say their boyfriend snuck into their hospital room, escaping from his own by the skin of his teeth, to take them on a date. But there Izuku was, a bouquet of 'Get Well Soon' flowers in his hand still dripping water onto the floor, bandages wrapped all over his chest disappearing below loose sweats. His house slippers scritched against the floor as he approached Katsuki's bed, green eyes alight with a certain glint that Katsuki knew meant trouble.

He was smiling before the shitty nerd could even speak.

"Hey hot stuff," That saucy wink only confirmed his suspicions. "You wanna get out of here?"

"Fuck yes."

His leg was broken in three different places, but that didn't matter. Deku hooked his arms under Katsuki's body bridal style, mindful of his own broken ribs, then leapt out the open window, curtains a flutter behind them as they went through the sky. He'd remember the way the wind whipped at his face, how his leg throbbed as the painkillers that made him drowsy began to wear off, but it was the hands clutching him tight that imprinted on his mind.

It didn't matter how much time passed. He'd be able to sketch those hands from memory. He knew their touch like he knew his own. Every mottled scar and each crook in his fingers, he could see them even if he went blind. There was no touch he knew to be gentler.

Even as they landed, and the ground quaked beneath the force of Deku's feet, he was brought down so softly, as if he were a thing to be treasured.

There was a picnic already set up. He could see the large tartan blanket from the sky. (Later he would find out Shitty Hair and Pinky helped out, but for that moment, his eyes were on the tall figure of his man with his broad back to him as he faced the world, spine strong and straight as the tree trunks that surrounded them.) The little details like the picnic basket, his old Victrola and a box of his vinyl were the ones his eyes had missed. He could smell spicy takeout from the Indian joint he and Kiri always went to, and a steadily burning teakwood candle that was definitely Mina's special touch.

A sudden fondness for his friends rose quick, but he tamped it down, fighting back the smile on his face.

He lost when Deku turned.

His grin was cheeky as he held up a bottle of jack, and Katsuki knew that was definitely the other man's idea. No one else paid attention to what he preferred to drink, just taking a single sniff, scrunching their nose and running away before he could convince them to try it.

"For the pain!" Deku said excitedly, knowing damn well their nurses would have their heads if they found out.

Ice clinks in the glass. Kyoka looks at the dregs of dark liquor at the bottom.

           He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment the realization came.  They ate in relative comfort, drank more than they were supposed to well into night, watching the stars flicker into existence as the moon made its arc through the dark sky.

It might've been when they set their favorite record to play and Izuku lifted him up. Strength was always effortless when it came to him. It made Katsuki feel safe. He didn't need the protection but it didn't hurt to indulge for once, laying his cheek against a firm, barrel chest and enjoying the warmth of an embrace as they swayed. His feet dangled in the air, alcohol dulling the pain of the broken one into a mild thrum that was lost to the tingling sensation of something going right for once.

Yes, that was the night Katsuki realized this was who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

           He stops talking. The tattoo around his finger is as bright as any ring, a simple neon green circlet, neon green lightning bolt where a diamond would've been. Kyoka licks her lips. The recorder is held tight in her hand, knuckles turning white till she realizes and loosens her grip. The two are silent. She searches for something, anything to say, but is interrupted by the thundering of little feet on the stairs, shoes slipping on the marble floors as wild shrieks rang through the hallway.

"Dad! Dad!"

And then comes the deluge. There are six of them, tumbling through the door still in their nightgowns, bedheads wild atop their heads and sleep still in the nooks of their eyes. They clamber around them, only a few sparing a curious glance at her before turning to their apparent father.

(When did this happen? Where was she for this part of their lives? All these tiny faces were unfamiliar to her.)

Katsuki holds the glass far from their reach, despite the only contents being ice, and smiles for the first time that day, shoving back all the grief and fatigue to quirk his lips.

"What's going on brats?"

"It's Aurore," The oldest, she presumes, starts with a confident bang. "Her quirk won't shut off! She broke the sink!"

As if hearing her name, the girl, the true oldest, question comes in.

Floats in, rather. Kyoka watches in mounting horror as the teen, no older than fifteen, comes over with terrible wails, black tendrils bursting from her hands like whips. But even this couldn't keep her attention.

No, it's the pink lightning all over her body that sets off alarms in her mind. She'd seen this before, in a different color.

"Her...Her quirk...it looks a lot like De-,"

Katsuki's hand slams down on the recorder, resounding slap making them all jump. He doesn't look at her as he gets up, one long lean line of power and authority.

"I've gotta take care of the kids. Come back tomorrow."

Then without another glance back, he takes the crying girl by her wrist, tugging her out to another part of the house. The other children follow, casting glances at her with wide bulbous eyes. Confused, and a little hurt, Kyoka collects her things and leaves.

           The hare is back. She thinks its warren is nearby. It's resting in the grass, uncaring of the exposure as she stares. The fog hasn't lifted. The sun stubbornly refuses to come out. Katsuki answers the door even before she walks all the way up to the great white porch. They go back to the dining room from yesterday. He has a pitcher of water set out for them both. She doesn't even think of the eerie silence until he explains,

"The kids have gone to their Grandma Inko's for the weekend."

"Oh, I didn't mind! You didn't have to-,"

"I think," he says softly. "That she needs them more than I do right now."

There are no words that she can say to that. Slipping into the easy folds of professionalism, she sets her recorder on the table. He looks out to watch the hare.

She begins.

"July 26th. 8:01 AM. Same place as yesterday, with the same fog. The house is empty-,"

"You can't write about them. The kids." He says abruptly. She sends him a look, forcibly erasing the last couple seconds from the tape. "Sorry, but I wanted to make that clear. The kids are...They need to stay safe."

"You have my word," She murmurs. He nods. She restarts.

"July 26th. 8:02 AM. Same place as yesterday, with the same fog. Katsuki sits at the head of the table, staring out the window at the same rabbit." She slides her gaze around the room, settling on a photo propped on a side table. She was there the day that photo was taken. She could hear the fireworks, the applause, the sweet, sweet music they danced to that night.

Twin smiles look back at her, imploring her to ask.

"Kats, tell me about him. If you could tell the world what you want them to remember about your husband, what would it be?"

It's a strange question. He turns at the sound of it, then follows her gaze to the portrait.

At once, he reaches for the whiskey on the rolling cart.

           The day of his wedding, he was nervous. It would turn out to be a fine affair; there wasn't a doubt in his mind about that, but that was only if Izuku didn't come to his senses and realize Katsuki was a selfish, rude prick with a temper and a mouth to match. He panicked. He fumbled over something as simple as his tie. His hands were shaking.

And he started to cry. It was only his Dad in the room, and Masaru was a complete bumbling mess when it came to tears, so the man left and, out of all the people he could've found to help, he found his wife.

Like he said. Complete bumbling mess.

Katsuki held back a scream when the old hag appeared. He nearly didn't invite her. She was the bridezilla of a wedding with no brides, paying strict detail to every fucking thing under the moon. But as soon as he saw her, the tears stopped short. He seethed instead, recoiling angrily as she fretted over him, tying his tie as she did back when he was a child.

"Kats'ki,"

He blinked. He hadn't heard his name pronounced like that since he was child. It turned his insides into mush, soft and malleable, quieting his curses till he was looking down at her with wide, blinking eyes.

(And wasn't that a wonder? She was a giant in his eyes once upon a time, but now she craned her neck to fix her gaze upon his face, weathered hands pressing against his cheeks as they did when he was a boy.)

"You're more like me than you're father. I suppose I need to be the one to tell you how not to screw this up-,"

He wanted to protest, but she pressed a finger to his lips, shushing him before smoothing out the lapels of his jacket.

"There's no marriage advice that applies to all couples. What worked for me and your father may not work for you and my darling Izuku, but nevertheless," Fingers paused, hesitated, then squeezed his shoulders. She pressed a firm kiss to his forehead."It must be said. Your passion is your greatest asset, but your temper is your worst. Never spend an entire day angry. Talk out your problems.

"Let yourself love him. Let that love consume you whole till it feels like there's nothing left but that warm, sticky feeling. And let him love you in return."

           Everything was golden that day. Ivory and gold. He remembered how the champagne flowed freely. It went down his mouth in waves, sweetness sticking under his tongue, traces of it on the curve of Izuku's lips when he kissed him.

Katsuki wasn't a dancer but he danced that night. There was never a moment when there wasn't a hand at his waist, or his own wrapped around a firm shoulder. But, no matter where his steps strayed, he always found himself back in the same embrace, held tight against a firm chest, nose brushing against the smooth curve of a neck smelling of pine and sandalwood.

"I love you," And if he could, he would tattoo the words onto his heart, to have and to hold until he took his last breath.

That day, in that glorious, reception hall of gold and ivory and pale white roses, they had their peace. For one brief, shining moment, there was a Camelot: a fairy tale in which greatness was golden, and they had the King Midas touch.

There would be none like it ever again.

"I was at your wedding," Kyoka says wistfully. "The press was in a frenzy for any pictures. TIME said it was bigger than the royal wedding. You two single-handedly brought a small city in Japan under the scrutiny of the world..." She sighs, recalling the breathlessness of it all, of sitting in the pew and feeling the tides of history wash over her skin. "It was a gorgeous ceremony."

"...Yes," he replies, eyes flickering away from the photo. "It was."

           The honeymoon was in Nice, France. It was strange. They weren't bombarded for photos. Either nobody knew them or nobody cared. They spent their days rolling around in the cool sheets of their hotel room, or laid out on the hot pebbles of the beach, toes in the rolling water of the tide. They would whisper secrets the other already knew in the dark, nibbling on cold pizza out by the shore, staring out at the vastness of the ocean as night brought them into its cool embrace. Izuku was a light even in that darkness. He was warm when the winds were cool, and still as the earth when the tide threatened to plunge them into the depths of the sea.

He could never turn it off, that thing that made him so bright. His moral arc was unshakeable, bending ever towards his idea of justice and peace. A symbol of strength in times when others were weak.

When Katsuki was weak.

Izuku said once that Katsuki was his image of victory. But age and experience taught him that the top spot wasn't everything. There was something greater than victory to strive for. It tasted just as sweet, but it was deeper, more profound.

He couldn't put a name to it but that...that thing was what he saw in Izuku. It was an innate glow. Every smile, twinkle of his eyes and even the smallest twitch of his crooked fingers bled with it.

He thought he could taste it on Izuku's skin. He certainly tried. When they lay in bed at night, he traced the map of the heavens with his lips, following each mottled scar that formed a road, memorizing each speckled freckle that formed a constellation against a tanned sky. With each kiss, each swipe of his tongue, he would taste the salt of his sweat but there would be something sweeter looming just beyond. He could spend hours searching for it, but Izuku, in all his niceties, was an impatient man.

The taste would barely brush his palette before the man would push him back into the soft mattress, set upon him with a vigor, and thrust into his heat till he saw fireworks.

Kyoka takes a long, heavy sip of water, resisting the urge to hide her cheeks behind her hands.

           He thought he could see it sometimes. There was a little girl going around Nice, the local thief. They saw her pickpocket an elderly couple and immediately sprang into action. But she was fast. In a blink, she could cross the distance Katsuki made with ten steps.

She couldn't control her quirk though. So when they started nearing the beach, and she looked back at them with fear, there was only one deadly end that could be made. He tried to yell at her to stop, but that only made her jump. Before he could reach her, she was drowning. He was in the waves in an explosion of red and gold, but Deku came from nowhere, black whips surrounding her little body till they lifted her out of the teeming waters.

He carried her to shore, back against the halo of the sun. Katsuki could see it then, in that moment. It wasn't the electric green glow of One for All, but something more. Colorless and without a name.

(Did that sound insane? Maybe he was insane.)

He rescued that little girl, listened to her tragic backstory of abandonment as Katsuki sat fuming off to the side, eyes watching for any sleight of her tiny hand that could lead to Deku being hurt.

(It never came. Not even in the years after. Even accidentally, Deku was the one person Aurore could never harm.)

Their time in Nice, though enlivened by the incident, slowed back down after that. Deku had made a name for himself, helping out in minor incidents because of course he did. Le lapin vert, or Lap-V according to the hipster kids that skated around. He was a hero, even on their honeymoon, simply because he knew no other way to be.

Katsuki didn't fight it. He didn't mind so long as there was a familiar arm slung over his waist in the night, steady breath on the back of his neck and that deep, profound feeling of safety.

They were golden. They were good.

Then they returned to work, spent years dedicating themselves to the tireless cause of justice, picking up orphaned children and taking them in as their own, picking up falling buildings, picking up society as a whole and carrying it on their backs until....

Unti Izuku died, and all things golden and good died with him.

He takes a moment. She allows it, watching with weary, burning eyes as he slips a worn pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He at least has the decency to get up and open the window, smoke filtering out into cool morning air, blending into the drab gray.

"Thought you gave up smoking."

"...It comes and goes."

 He watches the rabbit in the yard. The rabbit watches him back.

     He had the day off. He could still remember how warm the bed was that morning. The sun's light had cast their bedroom in a blissful glow, one in which he lounged in like a cat, stretching out his limbs with a great, silent yawn.

He had kissed Izuku's forehead, soft and tender with affection he wouldn't dare display if the other man were awake, then went to put on a pot of coffee. The children were still asleep, as they were wont to do those early summer mornings. Half-days at school meant they didn't have to go in until a little later, leaving the house in a comfortable silence punctured only by the scritch of his slippers and faint chimes of the Corinthian bells hanging outside the window over the sink. It was soon joined by the rumble of the coffee maker, and a tired sigh as a strong arm wrapped about his waist.

Izuku mumbled his 'good morn'ng' in the same tone he used every day.

(He didn't realize how much he would miss it till he struggled to recall the string of syllables in his mind, searching for the exact lilt on the vowels, that low tired thrum that sent shivers down his spine, as he stood alone in the silence of the following mornings.)

They had coffee and toast, talking about nothing of importance. Class A gossip. Hero Politics. The kids.

Izuku took his shower. Katsuki washed the dishes.

Izuku left. Katsuki kissed him goodbye.

"I love you," Izuku said. His eyes used to search Katsuki's own whenever he said it. He wasn't sure what the man was looking for. Confirmation? Reciprocation? Whatever it was, he had stopped looking after the fifth year of their marriage. That morning, as many others before it, there was nothing but a warm, steady gaze that made his lips curl and heat climb up the back of his neck.

That morning, as many others before it, all he said back was, "Later, nerd."

(He'd regret not saying 'I love you' more, but especially in that last moment. He'd replay it over and over again in his mind, just thinking about 'what if's. Other words he could've said to encompass the vast wealth of his emotions, ones that could properly define the black hole created in his chest when Izuku left him behind.)

     The call came in the afternoon. The kids had left for school an hour before. He waved them off as they boarded the bus, then entered the study to try and get a handle on his paperwork. His coffee had gone cold when his phone rang.

That was the first red flag. It wasn't his cell. It was his work phone. They didn't usually call him in if they had Deku and Shoto on the job. There was an unsettling feeling in his gut but he pushed it away, thinking it may have been a call about a promo opportunity.

He slid his finger against the cool glass.

Then Kota's panicked voice rang through the speaker and he felt the world slowly tick to a deafening halt.

"-Kugo! It's All for One! He's alive! He's here! Shoto and Creati are fighting him now but Deku is-! Deku is-!"

He had never thrown on his uniform faster. He was about to rocket out the door when his phone rang. His private cell. Something compelled him to glance at the screen, instinct warring  for a say with his mind already calculating the route he would take. Seeing his old teacher's name flash only cemented the dread building in his gut.

Aizawa wasn't the type to call him unless it was something serious. He picked up the phone, flying one-handed as he did so, adjusting his balance so that he didn't crash out of the sky.

"He's at Musutafu General. He's asking for you. I know they're calling you into the field, but he says it's urgent. He says....He says 'All Might would want you to have it.' That it.."  

A shuddered breath. "That it can't die with him."

He was on a course for the hospital before the line clicked. He didn't bother with the door, heart racing as he burst through a random window in a showering of glass. He was screaming; he knew it by how hot his throat was, the frightened eyes they sent his way as he marched through the building, boots scratching up the white linoleum floors, threatening to start a fight until Present Mic found him, clasped him by his old, wrinkled hand and led him into a private room.

His Izuku was there, lying in a bed, with no one around but Aizawa. No doctors. No nurses. No one who could help him. Katsuki was set to turn the entire place into a bonfire when green eyes turned to him and his sparks spluttered to a slow freeze.

"Get out," He ordered the extras. He couldn't even hear them when they complied, blood roaring in his ears like the sea.

(The sea. They used to go out and stare at it. Watch the sun drop below the gentle tide. What he would give for just onemore sunset.)

Izuku drew him close with nothing but his steady gaze. He was beautiful, even like this. Even as blood spattered his cheeks, leaking through his heavy bandages, as his eyes looked beyond him to see a greater, brighter horizon.

(Oh, how lucky he was to get to know God's favorite star.)

"Kiss me goodbye," It was a quiet rasp, easy as their mornings. He knew that tone, that series of syllables, mottled with something deeper than sleep.

He couldn't deny him when he was like this.

Katsuki pressed their lips together as he had countless times before, pushing every word left unsaid into this kiss, seeking a brief refuge in the dying warmth of his mouth.

'I love you...i've loved you...i will always love you'

Katsuki watched it go dim, that colorless, nameless thing. It slipped from Izuku's lifeless body to travel with his soul, off to a place he couldn't reach.

"What did he look like?"

"...Excuse me?"

"You said," She clears her throat, tar and oil in her mouth even as tears burn in her eyes. "You said Izuku was there, but what...what, um,...Can you describe to me what you saw?"

A silence yawns into the morning, stretching between them like the years passed. Katsuki looks at her evenly. When she turns away she still feels the scrutiny of his gaze. His voice is grinding gravel.

"You want me to talk about the body." He says it slowly, as if that would lessen the blow. "How the bandages couldn't hold him together? The way his legs were snapped, the hole in his gut that let you see clean through him? Do you want to hear about how his arms were slipping away from the bone? Do you want to hear about that Jirou? Do you really want me to describe what I saw? Or do the sick fucks of the world want to know what it looks like when a hero falls? What the Symbol of Strength looked like when he finally couldn't carry...couldn't..."

He sniffs. Wipes at his eyes. The tar in her mouth turns to ash, bitter and dry. She's never hated herself more than she does now.

"What happened after the hospital?"

He looks to the window. That rabbit hasn't left.

One for All pulsed in his veins as his sorrow joined his rage in a vicious cacophony.

They told him after, what he did. They told him of how the city burned in a blaze of terrifying glory. How he destroyed entire skyscrapers in his chase till he finally caught up to the man that took the sun from his skies. They told him how the newscasters were forced to stop broadcasting. The Hero Commission thought the imagery of the Symbol of Victory doing what he did best was too graphic for the public.

That was the worst part of it. The greatest triumph of his career and there was nothing to show for it but the shadow of a dead, lesser man.

He didn't remember any of it. He woke up to the blood on his hands, to the burned, ripped up pieces of a man once so feared lying at his feet, features unrecognizable from the dark, scarlet mess of blood, guts, and brain matter.

He didn't remember anything other than the face Izuku wore when he died. The fine curl of his lashes against the paling cheeks, how his freckles stood stark against his skin, lips blue but turned up into one final smile as he took his last breath.

He was golden, even in death. He was good.

"Are you crying?"

     She sniffs, rubbing at her eyes as a sense of shame comes over her. She was meant to be comforting him, and here she was, falling into his reluctant embrace, pressing her nose against the sweet scent of his skin and acrid smell of smoke.

"I'm sorry...I just...I-,' She throws professionalism to the wind and breaks down in sobs, tumultuous racking things that make her chest hot and her eyes ache.

For a moment, she wonders what made her think she could do this.

But it wasn't her choice at all was it? Her supervisor demanded it of her, thrusting the assignment her way thinking that since she was 'close to the man's husband; she'd be able to get the job done'. With no regard for her feelings, or how she felt about the situation.

At the end of the day, she isn't even the one that mattered. This broken man before her-this dying fire-, is a scoop really worth putting him through all of this? Whatever she's feeling, he must feel ten-fold.  He sits alone in this huge empty white house, drowning in memories of a golden time long gone, etched into every hall, haunting him at every corner, and here she is rubbing salt into the wounds.

Oh, she's a horrible person. A terrible friend. She has half a mind to throw the recorder out the window, but Katsuki slips it towards himself before she can even try. Crossing over to the window, he pulls out another cigarette.

"Go home Phones. Get some rest. We'll be back at it tomorrow."

She sniffs once more, collects the rest of her things, and finds her way out. From the driver's seat of her car, she can see him, a slim thing in one of the many grand windows, arms crossed as he leans out on the railing, a trail of smoke rising from his lips

Digging out her camera, she snaps a photo of the widow in the white house. She has to fight off the urge to retch the entire ride home.

"I don't smoke."

She glances up from her glass of water, warily eying the way he turned the recorder in his hands.

"31 minutes and 46 seconds in, you can yourself saying 'Thought you gave up on smoking.' Delete that part of the tape. I'm a pro-hero. The second half of the Wonder Duo. Kids look up to me. I don't smoke."

With that said, he slides the recorder back to her, takes a pack of cigs from his pocket, and lights up, reclining in his seat with shut eyes as the steady waft of nicotine fills the air.

Kyoka presses the starting button, and begins,

"July 27th. 8:30 AM. The dining room table again, with the grand old windows overlooking the yard. The fog doesn't seem to want to lift."

Twirling one of her ears with a finger, she looks at her notes, eying one question in particular her supervisor had underlined three times. There's no way she's going to be able to walk into his office without asking, but she's not sure if their friendship would survive the question.

"Did you regret it? Killing that villain?"

Scarlet eyes blink open but they are unseeing, glued to a spot just above her shoulder.

"Depends on who's asking. You, or the Tokyo Times?"

"...The Tokyo Times," she answers. There was nothing Kats hated more than a liar. She expected him to watch her with disappointment, to turn away and treat her coldly for the rest of the interview, but he simply shut his eyes once more.

"My actions were considered a necessary precaution to ensure the safety of the citizens of Japan," His voice is dull, clinical. She knows a practiced statement when she hears it. They were bland. The thump-thump-thump of his heart was at neutral pace, no emotion spurring it into action. "In order to preserve the peace of this new era, the greatest evil of the old had to be destroyed. I thank my fellow pros, the Hero Public Safety Commission, and all first responders for what they did that day. If he were alive,"

Katsuki pauses. The ice in his cup melts slowly beneath the heat of his grip, diluting the liquor it floats in.

His voice goes low, but does not shake.

"If he were here today, I am confident my late husband, Midoriya Izuku hero alias Deku, would be proud of what we accomplished as a city."

She does her duty in writing down what she could, scribbling a note to get a statement on other involved parties as soon as she could.

"Tell me how you felt about the funeral." She says as her pencils scratches.

"It was a ceremony worthy of a hero of Deku's statu-,"

"No." She lays a hand on top of his. "Tell me how you felt about the funeral."

A vein in his neck jumps. She can hear his heartbeat quicken with the rising fury.

"I hated it," He spat.

          When a hero died, they received what was called an 'Akira Service' named after the first shining man made of light  that decided to take up the mantle of 'hero'. It was a nationwide affair, drawing in colleagues, elites and politicians all intending to pay their respects with speeches, prayer, and moments of silence.

It had turned into an opportunity for influencers to rub elbows long before Katsuki was even a thought in his parents mind. The first he had ever been to was during  high school for Best Jeanist. He was still young then, unsure of what was going on.

The second he had gone to was for All Might. Deku was with him for that one, as they were not only the man's protégées but had recently burst through the top ten ranking. They stood in a crowd of thousands, surrounded by vultures and wolves, with nothing but the other and a few scattered friends for respite.

"Do not let my funeral be like this," Deku had whispered to him, after the third fancy insurance company head came around to cozy up to them.  "This is hell on earth. Hi! How are you?"

Katsuki couldn't reply then, when one of the Commission's higher ups approached with a false, wide grin, but he made that promise in his heart. He was sure that Izuku would do the same if Katsuki met his end first.

  But if All Might's funeral as the retired Symbol of Peace was huge, then Izuku's death as a young, active hero-the Symbol of Strength made into a martyr- was beyond measure. People flew in from all over the globe to 'pay their respects'. It seemed like everyone Izuku had ever met had come out of the woodwork.

(It was strange, because when one of them traveled, the other wasn't too far behind. Izuku had hardly met anyone that Katsuki didn't eventually meet himself, and there were a lot of unfamiliar faces in the crowd that day.)

He intended a quiet service for those close to them. For it to be done quickly and efficiently as possible, that his husband's body would be cremated and the ashes buried in the grounds of their home, beneath the wisteria tree, where Katsuki could go every morning and pay his private tributes.

They stole that right from under him. They locked him up for 'his own safety' for days on end and by the time he was released his private cell, stumbling into the arms of his parents, he was politely informed that 'due to the nature of the situation, preparations were already underway for the burial of his partner Midoriya Izuku hero alias Deku, if we would like to be a part he would be expected to show up at the following address in the morning dressed appropriately for the followings series of events-'

     Sorrow didn't taste bitter. He wasn't sure where that idea came from, but he knew it was wrong. It tasted like nothing. It tasted like his taste buds shutting down before the rest of his body, like a muggy fog he was constantly stumbling through, blind to the path, reaching out to find his way.

Sorrow tasted like what it meant to lose, and to be lost all at once.

His only grace was that he wasn't alone through this. He had his parents behind him, Inko at his side weeping into his shoulder, the kids with bowed heads and red eyes. All gathered around the oakwood casket that was still and quiet, muted in the wake of the winter sun.

He had his friends. Eijirou would maintain his quirk for as long as he needed to, beating back paparazzi with his gentle sternness as they made their procession through the streets. Sero blocked off a 'safe' area for family and friends during the service, tape strong with Kaminari's electricity latched onto it, crackling when anyone got too close without Eijirou's go-ahead.

Mina had organized what she could. Whatever control she, Inko and Mitsuki could wrestle from the Hero Public Safety commission, they did. She was the one that stressed over the tiny details, of white roses vs calla lillies and the order of speeches, that made sure the family was the first to be notified of everything that went on, that argued on their behalf when they couldn't keep up and halted the entire process until they agreed to release Katsuki, that they acknowledged that he needed to be there.

She, and the rest of the squad had-.

"Are you crying again Phones?"

"I am so, so sorry Kats. You needed me and I...I didn't show up. I missed it," She heaves through a sob, ears filled with a static that made her head hurt with something other than a deep-rooted resentment. He doesn't look her in the eyes. His heartbeat increases. She feels his toes tapping against the floor as he struggles to find the words to say.

(And here she was again, acting selfishly when Kats was the one who needed the help. When had she become this person?)

"It's not your fault. You had work-."

"That's no excuse. You went to him when he needed you. Mina dropped a modeling gig in the middle of Rome to come home."

"What you do is a little more important than-,"

"No." She brings her hands to the table, eyes willing him to look at her, to see how serious she was. It's not until dim scarlet flicker to her watery gaze that she continues, "I want to fix this. Please tell me how to fix it."

"...You can't bring him back."

"I would if I could."

"I know, but you can't." His cigarette is snuffed out against the marble floors, ash ground out under his heel. He pulls out a pack of tissues from his pocket and an envelope along with it.

"If you really want to help me out, publish this letter along with the article." he says. The white glides along the table, easy as a leaf on the wind. Curious, she unfolds it, wiping away the lingering blur of tears. Voice clear in the silence, she begins to read,

"...And it is with great pride and sense of accomplishment that I announce my retirement from the hero profession for good. It is evident now, more than ever, that the world is ready for a new era of peace, and I look forward to seizing my final great victory by raising those heroes. Yours, in service....Bakugou Katsuki hero alias Ground Zero....What the hellis this?"

"A resignation letter," Kyoka says to her supervisor, wincing. She hates it when he yells; the decibel levels are horrible on her ears. She gets the shakes, tucking herself in tighter.

"There's no way the Hero Commission is going to let their new #1 retire! Has his agency even approved this? We're not publishing this shit! They'll have my head! I asked you to go out there and get me a story Jirou! Not whatever this is!"

The letter is thrown into the air as his hand slams onto his desk.

"I can't believe this! You were chosen because I thought you'd be able to play on his weaknesses! I thought you could make him spill his secrets! A hero gone insane! The Widow: A Murderer! That was the angle I wanted then you come back here with this piece that makes him seem so-! ...So human! That savage Bakugou Katsuki! Our Symbol of Victory! No, you go back to that bastard's house and-"

She watches him rant. How his cheeks turn red with his rage. How fast his heart beats as he begins to fully get into the swing of it.

And she thinks back. She remembers how excited she was when she first got this job, how the squad had thrown her such a huge party. She remembers how proud of her Denki was and how he kissed her that night.

She remembers how the first date she had to blow off turned into twenty. The loneliness she felt when he finally broke up with her, swearing to always be friends. But she wasn't seeing much of her friends either. Then she started travelling abroad.

People started getting married (she's still alone.)

People started having kids (does she still have a chance now at 42?)

Then people started dying, and she was filled with nothing more than regret. The man is still screaming at her but, for the first time in her life, the world goes quiet.

"I quit." Kyoka says.

Collecting her things, she snatches the article out of the man's hands and walks out. The sound of the door slamming on his spluttering gives her a little thrill. She can't help but grin, kicking her feet into a little skip as she goes through the doors, and breathes in the fresh air of freedom.

As for her article , she publishes it anonymously with Put Your Hands Up News.

Her alias? Phones. It fits her she thinks.

The Priest: There comes a time in man's search for meaning when one realizes that there are no answers. And when you come to that, horrible unavoidable realization, you accept it or you kill yourself. Or you simply stop searching...I have lived a blessed life. And yet every night, when I climb into bed, turn off the lights, and stare into the dark, I wonder...'Is this all there is?'

Jackie Kennedy:...You wonder?

The Priest: Every soul on this planet does. But then, when morning comes, we all wake up and make a pot of coffee.  

-Jackie

     Miles away from the rush of the city, Katsuki sits on his porch, water and a cigarette in hand. That damn rabbit is back again. Doing nothing. Looking at him.

He stares right back.

Inside, the children are playing. Their shouts and laughter ring high in the air, over the bluster of the early autumn winds. He thinks the noise will scare the rabbit away but it perks up, craning its ears to listen. It looks at him once more, nose twitching and black eyes curious. He nods at it, then, for a brief ludicrous moment, thinks he sees it smile.

"Later nerd," he says. (Because, even after all the 'what ifs', it turns out that there are no words more fitting than those two.)

Katsuki watches it as it hops back to the cover of the forest, disappearing under the lavender falls of the wisteria tree. There was a certain lightness in his heart with each step the thing took.  Snuffing out his cigarette, he lingers on the steps of the porch as the children wander out to join him. They run barefoot in the wet grass.

He waits. He watches.

They scream. They laugh. They look to him with great expectations.

Katsuki slips off his shoes and goes to join his children in the cool, morning dew. The fog lifts within the hour. The sun is out by noon.

The day is golden.

[kpopiskinda-uhhhh]

Would this idol call me a homophobic slur? ft. NCT OT21

NOTE: This is literally a joke and reflects nothing about the boys themselves and is simply for my own enjoyment and maybe yours so don’t take anything in this post serious okay~

~Also NCT are my ultimate ults and I love them all, even the ones that would call me a slur~

So hopefully if you are reading this you are familiar with the boys, if not you won’t learn anything from this post but maybe you will enjoy it anyways

Taeyong, gay AND afraid

So we are starting with our unofficial leader, legend Taeyong. This bitch is gay, super duper gay. But in a shy way. Panic gay levels through the roof in fact one of the most panicked idols in the industry if I’m being honest with you.

His reactions to even the slightest bit of flirting from other members is like full catastrophe level “oh shit”. I mean this video is just a tiny piece of how bad Taeyong is.

However this poor kid seems to have some internalized homophobia so maybe he would call me a slur just to push the spotlight from himself who knows tho love u Taeyong.

Taeil, Straight Man™

This old man really said this and expects me not to believe he would call me a slur? Vocal legend Taeil would decimate me for my sexuality and only slightly feel bad afterwards. Definitely a hetero. 

Johnny, lowkey gay

This boy seems very open minded and like a legend to me and I think he is lowkey open to anything and anyone so I would say he might be like pansexual or something.

Definitely would not call me a slur, a giant teddy bear.

Yuta, gay prince

This pretty bitch is what I want to be. SO beautiful and regal and confident in his expression. Was on a show with a bunch of white dudes and went out of his way to defend trans people and call people out on enforcing gender roles. Literally threw the first brick at Stonewall. Would paint my nails and tell me to be myself and that I am valid.

Kun, the supportive father

Does not give off gay vibes at all but he is also so talented and wonderful so I live him even if he is straight. Fatherly vibes are strong I would let him pat my head.

Manz is definitely straight but a great ally. Would come to pride with me and shout at protesters

Doyoung, passes but is still a gay

This rude hoe makes me angry because he is really pretty and that clouds my vision. Regardless no matter how much I think about it I can’ t call him straight. Might say bisexual with female preference just to spice things up. On the surface level tho he is easily seen as straight and you gotta look into his soul to see the rainbow lining. Even if he is str-straight, he is an amazing ally you know the clip on vlive where he said a fan’s relationship could been a boy-boy or girl-girl relationship just like it was nothing? legend behaviour.

Would not call me a slur and would defend me from homphobes

Ten, Jesus Christ of the gays

I honestly don’t even want to write this part. This bitch is so gay I could show somebody on the street a 3 second clip of him talking and they would ask if he’s... y’know.

It is literally science every single thing he has ever done just makes him gayer and gayer. A list would include:

- supports lgbtq+ artists and promotes lgbtq+ content including Troye Sivan, Frank Ocean, Call Me By Your Name, etc.

- literally is always flirty with guys

- the entirety of is he gay or European applies to him except the European part, the way he dresses, the way he talks, the way he gestures, gay

- an absolute legend in all ways, and only gays are true legends in this house

- literally anything watch any video he is in and you will find at least one thing

Would call me a slur but out of a friendly place in his heart cuz in this scenario we are buddies and I would laugh and call him one back cuz he is that level of gay.

Jaehyun, confusing

Honestly seems straight but there is something about him that pings my gaydar ever so slightly. maybe I think he would not be opposed to experimenting but would still call himself straight. Seems like a good guy tho

Would not call me a slur and would give me life advice on how to be happy or something.

Winwin, talented het

Mad respect for this man, straight legend. Definitely straight like 100% no way he is even slightly gay. Straight and confused. Hope he gets more lines and grows happier in the future. Older brother who is okay with you being gay but doesn’t want to talk about it

Would definitely not call me a slur unless we got into a big argument and then would really regret it afterwards and apologize profusely.

Jungwoo, should be an actor

Acts really really gay. Gay for clout. Actually gay? who knows.

Would call me a slur away from the cameras and then go off and hug Taeyong once they’re on.

Lucas, feels really straight like a proper hetero

I can’t imagine Lucas being into guys for even one second. Still I think he is squishy and I still like him despite being straight.

Either would immediately call me a slur or never even think of calling me a slur, depends on the cycle of the moon.

Mark, oh man

Straight heterosexual male. Would call me a faggot upon meeting me and step on my toes, I would thank him.

Xiao Jun, probably straight?

Not particularly straight or gay, probably straight for convenience. No reason to believe he would be against the gays

Would not call me a slur but would remain silent when Mark calls me a slur.

Hendery, skater gay

Strikes me as a skater boy for literally zero reason and skaters are either emo gays or gothic straights and I believe he’s a gay but like lowkey. Maybe bisexual who knows.

Would not call me a slur and would go skating with me and buy me ice cream after Mark calls me a slur.

Renjun, straight but like in cursive

No clue what is up with this lad. He is either bisexual or completely straight. I can see him liking girls clearly, can slightly imagine that he may be interested in boys as well. But he would never go after a guy, only in his own head. 

Would not call me a slur unless I tried to ask if he like guys.

Jeno, dangerous bisexual

Unpredictable and possibly violent. Might burn down some buildings in his fight against the heteros. Probably has access to many guns and explosives, will not hesitate to use them. Into anyone who also likes causing chaos.

Would not call me a slur and would shoot anybody who did.

Haechan, a surprise

Wannabe gay, not exactly gay not exactly straight either just somebody who pushes the image of his love for mark into the spotlight as often as possible. 

Would call me a slur and laugh about it with Mark.

Jaemin, ????

Strange. Very odd character, seems pretty straight but is really into skinship for the clout probably. Loves NCTzens so would not want to hurt any of their feelings. Would support a girl-girl relationship if they were fans of NCT but would be slightly uncomfortable around a guy-guy couple. 

Would not call me a slur but would ask me who is the girl in a guy-guy relationship.

Yangyang, confident gay king

Yangyang rose to my top biases pretty quickly after joining NCT and that’s because he is a king. Would never do or say anything to hurt any of his fans and wants to grow to be as openminded and educated as possible. Literally an angel with the cutest face ever. Maybe pansexual but in an idc way like he is just Yangyang and whoever he likes is just based on personality, doesn’t even think about gender.

Would absolutely not call me a slur and would ask questions respectively to grow as a person.

Chenle, purity part one

I do not believe this boy is straight but in a very supportive way. I think he could be anything other than fully straight and I love him for it. Seems like such a bright boy and I wish SM would treat him (and all the foreign members) better. Deserves the world. A pure boy.

Would not call me a slur because he knows it is wrong and isn’t like that at all.

Jisung, purity part two and the hidden gay

Okay so I have kept this free of ships so far and I do not personally believe that any ship I talk about is real I just like to analyze certain interactions and I really do believe that Jisung and Chenle have an absolutely precious relationship, whether you choose to see it as platonic or not, they are best buddies and their connection ascends labels in my humble opinion. Definitely soulmates.

On a Jisung personal level I feel like he passes as straight but I really don’t think he is straight at all in fact I believe he is a full blood gay. And a legend too. This boy does NOT get the recognition he deserves at all and is incredible in everyway literally a triple threat at least. 

Would not call me a slur and would defend me probably.

~hope you enjoyed and remember this is literally a whole ass joke and means nothing at all thank you love you Mark~

[aion-rsa]

Jacqueline Carey Guest Post: Women in Fantasy

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This is a guest post from Jacqueline Carey, author of the Kushiel’s Legacy series. Tor Books is releasing reissues of the epic fantasy series this summer. Kushiel’s Dart and Kushiel’s Chosen are already out, with the reissue or Kushiel’s Avatar set to drop on August 25th.

“Is this a kissing book?”

Everyone who’s seen The Princess Bride, which includes pretty much everyone I know, recognizes that line, uttered by a young Fred Savage to his grandpa, the ever-charming Peter Falk, who’s come to read a story to his grandson. Fred’s nameless character is confined to bed with a nameless childhood illness. Nothing terribly serious, we assume—perhaps a cough and a bit of a fever, not alarmingly high, just high enough that the doctor suggested he stay at home for a few days. 

What we don’t discuss is the—apparently—far more terrifying menace to which the young boy has been exposed: Girl cooties.

As a female writer of epic fantasy, this is a phenomenon with which I’m all too familiar, and the same holds true for many of my female colleagues in the genre. A significant portion of the audience consists of male readers, and a significant subset of that readership assumes that epic fantasy written by women must surely be tainted by girl cooties.

Based on personal experience, my take is that this is shorthand for “romance” and that there’s an underlying assumption, consciously or subconsciously, that fantasy written by women must perforce be romance. Of course, romance fantasy does exist, and it’s surely not my intention to denigrate it in any way. The Kushiel’s Legacy series does contain elements of romance—gloriously, unabashedly, sometimes brutally so. And defining genres can be tricky, because sometimes books—often, in my personal opinion, the best books—span a number of them. When I wrote Kushiel’s Avatar, the final volume of the original trilogy, I thought a lot about the dedication that John Steinbeck wrote for East of Eden. According to Steinbeck, his longtime friend and editor came upon him carving a wooden figure, and asked that he make him a box. 

“What for?”

“To put things in.”

“What kind of things?”

“Whatever you have.”

Instead of crafting an actual wooden box for his editor, Steinbeck wrote East of Eden, and in the foreword dedicating it to him, he stated, “Well, here’s your box. Nearly everything I have is in it, and it is not full. Pain and excitement are in it, and feeling good or bad or evil thoughts and good thoughts—the pleasure of design and some despair and the indescribable joy of creation. And on top of these are all the gratitude and love I have for you. And still the box is not full.”

I find that to be profoundly romantic.

It’s a pity that the word “romance” has taken on such a negative connotation for a large swathe of the fantasy-reading audience. Even the young grandson in The Princess Bride relents by the end to admit, “I don’t mind so much, Grandpa.” All the epic fantasy trappings of farm boys and pirates and princesses, swordsmen and giants and feats of derring-do, magic and torture and quests for vengeance, are in that particular box, but above all, true love.

And yet it’s also a movie written, directed, filmed and produced by men, featuring a predominantly male cast and a heroine with zero agency. 

Over and over, when I see polls on forums listing the best epic fantasy writers, both historical and current, the same names appear, and they’re almost exclusively male—or to be more specific, cisgender heterosexual white male authors. Not to detract from these authors, many of whom I also enjoy and admire, and who have been influences on my own work, but there are always so many female authors missing from the list. It often seems as though the only two woman writers cited are a) Ursula K. LeGuin, because her influence is too significant to overlook, and b) Robin Hobb, because a lot of readers were misled by her gender-neutral pseudonym. 

As a teenager and a young adult, I grew up reading whatever fantasy I could get my hands on—which in the 1970s, 80s and 90s was limited to whatever my local bookstore and library had on its shelves. Many of them were women—Mary Stewart, Anne McCaffery, Patricia McKillip, Julian May, Katherine Kurtz, Katharine Kerr, Kate Elliott. Some of these authors we’ve lost since I discovered their work years ago; others continue to write and publish to this day. When I encounter this absence, it almost feels as though a part of my own formative history has been erased. 

And then there’s the issue of female characters, who are far too scarce on the ground in epic fantasy. Readers or viewers whose personal identity is well-represented in the pop culture medium of their choosing can’t fully understand the effect of its absence. It’s like looking in a mirror and having no reflection. 

It’s disconcerting.

It’s creepy.

Not so long ago, I made that observation to a male friend regarding a fantasy novel he recommended. It was some 500 pages long, and it had one female character in an otherwise fairly extensive cast. Despite being an intelligent and thoughtful guy, my friend had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that I found it difficult to suspend my disbelief to inhabit a world in which my gender—which comprises at least half the world as we know it—barely existed. Now, if that omission is a deliberate choice on the part of the author, I can respect it. Some narratives operate within a set of constraints for a particular reason. 

But the truth is, more often than not in epic fantasy, it’s not deliberate. It’s just an oversight. 

In another recent instance, I volunteered to be interviewed by two young women from our local high school who were interested in careers in writing fantasy. They were delightful, and we lingered over coffee to chat after the interview. Both of them cited popular recent fantasy debuts by male authors as current favorites. These were books I happened to have read, and again, books which had essentially one female character with any measurable page time. One existed solely to serve as an unattainable object of desire; the other was killed and subjected to the pseudo-medieval equivalent of getting fridged.  In case you weren’t aware, ���fridged” is slang for a common trope in which female characters are violently murdered and their bodies are left for the hero to discover in a gruesome manner, which then serves as a traumatic inciting event that drives the hero’s dramatic arc. It’s disturbing that there’s actually a specific term for this, right? 

Out of curiosity, I asked these delightful, smart, fantasy-loving young women what they thought about the fact that there were almost no female characters in these books—and they looked blankly at me.

They hadn’t noticed.

Of all the times and ways and angles from which I’ve pondered the lack representation of women in fantasy as both an author and a reader, that may have hit me the hardest. It pains me to know that the absence of women in this genre I love is so prevalent that well into the 21st century, it doesn’t even register.  Women in fantasy deserve better. As writers, we deserve the right to publish under female-sounding names without fearing the taint of girl cooties. We deserve to be listed amongst our male counterparts in the legacy of the genre. As readers, women deserve a seat at the table in the realm of the fantastic. We deserve female characters with agency, female characters whose actions affect the narrative. We’re not ghosts, we’re not vampires—we deserve to see our reflections in the mirror. We deserve, at the barest of minimums, a society in which that absence is noticeable. We deserve to be part of the warp and weft of the story’s tapestry, not just a single thread. 

The box is vast, and still it is not full. In a genre where there are no limits to the world except the writer’s imagination, women deserve more. 

Find out more about Jacqueline Carey’s work at her website. Find out more about Tor Books’s reissues of Kushiel’s Legacy here.

The post Jacqueline Carey Guest Post: Women in Fantasy appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3a3lWE7

[mrsq8geek]

Advice for an aspiring author hoping to write lgbt muslim characters?

Hi, thanks for your question!  This is quite the rabbit hole, so I can't cover everything, but I did my best.  Some general guidelines and then my own view:

1. Do not write this story unless it is from personal experience or with the direct express written permission from the person it’s based on, and I hesitate with that second one.  Like many other experiences, this story hasn’t been told all that often, so unless you’re one of the above, you don’t have many points of reference and will probably get it wrong and, I suspect, as ‘exotic’.

That said:

2.  Start by examining yourself. One of my favourite resources is @writingwithcolor​, which has many great references for this.  At this point, we're asking questions such as "Why do you not want to represent us?" and "Why do you need to tell this story right now?" among others.  Do check it out.

3.  Please, please don't write an apologetic acceptably assimilated model minority.  I don't know where you're from, or where you intend to set the story, but we're all influenced by American media, so I feel it's important to mention.  We generally don't have positive feelings towards those characters, let alone relating to them, at least not to the aspects where they're supposed to represent us.

(My personal pet peeve example is Abed Nadir from Community, a Muslim enamoured with Christmas and is an all-around Acceptable Arab... played by an Indian actor.  It's extra irking because the show was touted as being Better Than Big Bang Theory, and it seemed okay addressing many other nuances, but when it came to this? Think of it this way: why didn't they cast an Asian actress to play Britta or Annie and called her white? Or, indeed, an Indian actress to play Shirley and called her black? Because clearly they believe the audience can't tell the difference? Arabs are black or white but not brown, guys.  Not all Arabs are Muslims and vice versa.  Some Muslims are (gasp!) white.)

Anyway, the point is Abed, and others like him, are non-threatening.  They reject their own identity and are desperate to be Just Like Us Default White People.  While this is definitely the case for some people, 1. it's not the case for most people, 2. it's just a really tired trope especially in current times, and 3. the other side of this trope’s coin is that in order to be acceptable for The West, they have to rebel against their character’s original identity, which is just as tired.

But I digress.  You already know by asking this question that it’s controversial.  Why not play it straight instead?  Pun unintended.  Do your research, whatever way you choose to go. 

4.  Speaking of doing your research, do. your. research! Muslims are a diverse group of about 2 billion people*.  There are two major sects and many smaller ones.  In the major ones, homosexuality (etc) is a sin, haram, full stop, end of sentence.  Any level of presenting like the opposite gender is not only haram, it’s cursed.  Yes, there are many people coming up with exceptions and loopholes, or just doing what they want regardless, and if you want to write about them, that's your prerogative, but:

* so Kamala Khan, for example, is completely unrelatable to me. (See: 9)

5.  You know what else is considered haram in majority Islam? Extra-marital sex.  Pork.  Alcohol.  Drugs, yes including cannabis, in fact even nutmeg.  People do all that anyway! Especially in non-Muslim-majority countries where the laws don’t make it harder for them, or in poorer Muslim-majority countries where people don’t get educated in religious matters, or indeed all over everywhere because not all people of any religion actively practice that religion.  It's a non-issue by this point. 

5A. The only reason LGBT Muslims is An Issue, and it’s An Issue Now, is because America’s making it one.  It’s no different than, say, modern white feminism.  They stir the pot, we deal with the mess.

5B. Muslims are people, and people aren't perfect. We know this, and we've addressed it as nauseam… and that’s just it, we’re allowed* to talk about these things because we know ourselves and our experiences.  It’s more acceptable coming from us to us because we have a common ground to start discussing things.

* I wrote allowed, but it really depends on the situation. Sometimes you’re not allowed simply because you don’t want to make it an issue, and that’s okay too.

5C. Since you’re asking, I’m assuming you’re not a Muslim yourself, and that puts a layer on scrutiny on you.  We don’t know where to begin to talk to you, and it’s worse if you represent us in any controversial way or in any way less than perfect.  Less than perfect by whose standards? It depends. Nobody knows! (See: 3)

5D. Examine yourself, research the topic, and know just what you’re trying to say.

6.  That said, here’s my personal take on it that I’d love to see someone do, but haven’t so far.  I don’t know how people arrive at their sexuality, whether it’s by nature or nurture, but they do end up there one way or another.  When it comes to Islam, you’re highly encouraged to (heterosexually, to be clear) marry and reproduce.  You’re discouraged from sex outside that framework.  If you are unable to marry for whatever reason, you’re supposed to find a way to deal with it. Fasting is often recommended.

And the way I see it, finding yourself not being attracted to the opposite gender is just one reason to not marry.  “So I NEVER get to have sex?” Yes, just like your straight brothers and sisters who realize they can never marry for their own reasons. Maybe their health prevents them. Maybe they have family depending on them, especially financially, and they realize can’t add a husband or wife into the mix. Maybe they’re incompatible with the person they wanted.  

The West worships Romantic Love (also money, but that’s another thing), but it really isn’t everything in life*.  Just see any post here on tumblr dot com discussing the different kinds of love the Romans acknowledged and wrote about extensively.  Yes, it’s a powerful drive, but again, it’s not the only thing in life, and coming to that realization is its own journey.

* (Something something Harry Potter)

I am so, so sick and tired of characters who don’t practice their religion (“hi, I’m Muslim/Jewish/Christian/Hindu/Buddhist/whatever, but I will have that pork, that beef cheeseburger, whatever”*), and equally tired of characters who are the personification of their religion (“hi, I’m religious, hear me act out my stereotypes”). Don’t get me started on characters who exist just so the authors can bash that religion.  

* a recent disappointing example was the show Crazy Ex Girlfriend.  When Rebecca is first introduced, I was excited to learn the show was about a Jewish character, finally a religious character portrayed as practicing!  But it was quickly revealed they were focusing on the cultural aspects, and not only is she non-practicing, she doesn’t even believe any god exists.  Snore. In contrast, see: Shepherd Book from the show Firefly.  Not just a practicing Christian, an actually interesting character in his own right.  Not a perfect person by far, but someone who’s doing his utmost to live his life and still maintain his faith. 

I want a Muslim character who finds themselves attracted to whomever, someone from the same gender or whatever you want, or feeling like they want to present as not their birth gender, and then proceeds to do what so many of us real-life Muslims do: find ways to deal with it and come to terms with it.  Acknowledge it and make peace with it.  Make the choice, the conscious decision, to remain faithful to their beliefs and maybe not pursue a romantic relationship with the other person… and instead interact with them like a human being they care about.  Help them reach a goal or achieve a dream, keep them safe from harm, something.  Maybe focus on the traits of the other gender that are accessible, or fight the toxic effects of the patriarchy, something.  Writing like “a happy ending == they end up together”, and any and all other outcomes are Bad and Tragic and Void, is boring and unrealistic.

Just as a black woman being soft and feminine is a rebellion against the mainstream, a religious character sticking to their faith above all else is way more interesting than yet another character breaking the rules.

Addendums:

7. “But Islam is homophobic?” No, Islam has rules against intentionally engaging in specific behaviors.  You’re not faulted for having low alcohol tolerance, you’re faulted for the act of consumption. You’re not faulted for being addicted to drugs, you’re faulted for making the decision to try it the first time, or if you were tricked into it, for not trying to get clean once you’re there.  However!  People, all people, hashtag not just Muslims, often try to enforce rules by creating fear and hatred around them.  It’s a convenient societal shorthand, even if the consequences can be different than intended.  It’s the same mechanism that leads to “abstinence = zero sex ed” in the US.  Abstinence isn’t the issue, people trying to enforce it by making information around sex opaque are the ones causing problems.

So some Muslim people end up homophobic, and some Muslim people go all in the other direction, because the balance is delicate and difficult to find.  

8. “LGBT stories aren’t just about sex, what about asexuals, transsexuals, etc?” True, but most LGBT stories tend to go in that direction, and I’m keeping it as broad as I can here.

9. Even if your character is Muslim but not Arab, it’s probably going to come up, in your research if not in your story.  Although the most populous Muslim nation is Indonesia and the most famous “Muslim” terrorists are Afghani, the most prominent Muslim sites are in Saudi Arabia and Palestine.  The branding is there.  With that in mind, required reading is the film Reel Bad Arabs, and any primers you can find on Orientalism, Colonialism, and Imperialism.

***

Honourable mentions:

Check out the Saudi series Masameer by Myrkott on YouTube, many episodes have subtitles. They recently made a movie and it's on Netflix internationally!  You can't escape American Imperialism any more than you can escape British Colonialism*, but we're all way past being enamoured by them.  The Emirati series Freej is also in Youtube, sans subtitles, though the DVDs have them, and I’ll leave it at that.  Hashtag quarantine let us catch up on shows?  Stay safe, stay home.

* she said, in English.

[eldritchsurveys]

687.

Do you own any bug spray? >> No.

Are you a good gift giver? >> I think I’m a conscientious gift giver. I try to pay attention to what people enjoy and what interests them, and give accordingly. I also don’t stress out a lot about it, which greatly helps the process.

Whats the longest trip you've ever been on? >> Greyhound from Colorado to NYC.

Do you know what XOXO stands for? >> Hugs and kisses?

What's the first person who comes to your mind when you hear the word blue? >> No person comes to mind.

Have you ever been to New York City? >> I used to live there.

Have you ever heard of Vogue? >> The... the magazine? The song? Yes???

Are you a daughter or son in law? >> I refuse to be anyone’s son-in-law. The thought of being addressed as such makes my gorge rise. Please leave me out of familial relationships.

Do you know anyone in the military? >> Yeah, Sparrow’s sister’s husband.

Whats your shoe size? >> I never remember this, for some reason.

Are you a Liberal? >> I mean, sure, why not. I’m certainly not Conservative.

Do you know a real life Cinderella story? >> No.

Have you seen any of the Harry Potter movies? >> I’ve seen all of them.

Do you like your significate others siblings? >> They’re fine people. I wouldn’t necessarily hang out with them or anything, but they’re cool.

Have you ever recieved a singing birthday card? >> No.

Does your name contain more than ten letters? >> No, seven.

Whats your cell phone network? >> Boost Mobile.

Do you twitter? >> No.

Do you own anything made by APPLE? >> No.

Where did you graduate? >> Westfield High School. (There are quite a few of those in the country. Also, the school that Tate Langdon committed his mass murder in on American Horror Story is also a Westfield High, just on the opposite coast from mine, lol.)

What color are your walls in your bedroom? >> Off-white.

How old is your mom? What about you dad? >> ---

Have you ever shopped at Hollister? >> No. I think that’s one of the stores that puts cologne in its air ducts or sprays it around the store or whatever, so I avoid it like the plague.

Can you name ten cereals? >> I could, but I won’t.

Have you ever tried Hamburger helper? >> Yes.

What was your first cars color? >> ---

Do you have a best friend? >> No.

Were you alive when Clinton was in office? >> Yeah.

Do you remember who your Kindergarten teacher was? >> I vaguely remember her appearance.

Do you have a favorite president? A least favorite? >> No.

Do you know anyone named Wendy? >> I don’t think so.

Whats the longest you could go without talking? >> Days, I’m sure.

What about eating? >> I don’t know. As long as I had to, I guess, although my functioning would be severely hampered.

Whats the best complement you've ever recieved? >> *shrug*

Have you ever watched American Idol? What about the Hills? >> I’ve watched American Idol.

Can you french braid? >> No.

Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? >> Briefly.

Whats your least favorite color? >> I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it.

Do you know anyone in jail? >> No.

Do you have kids? >> No.

How often on average do you cry? >> I don’t know, there is no average.

Whats the strangest name you;ve ever heard? >> ---

How old were you when you learned to walk? >> I don’t know.

Do you own anything made of lace? >> No.

Do you hug more guys or girls? >> I don’t hug anyone.

How many people do you share a name with? >> Zero.

Do you know a scrooge? >> No?

Whats your favorite football team? >> ---

Do you know what "i plead the fifth" means? >> Sure.

What number in Venus in the solar system? >> Er... two? Like, I didn’t know they were numbered, but since it’s the second planet from the Sun, I assume that’s what number it’d be...

How many cell phones have you had in the past five years? >> Three.

What kind of bubble gum do you chew? >> I used to chew Orbit bubble gum constantly, it was my absolute favourite, but now they’ve changed the formula and it’s fucking terrible. I don’t know why they felt the need to change it. It was the perfect bubble gum. :(

Do you wear a one piece bathing suit or two piece, a speedo or trunks? >> ---

Did you go to your senior prom? >> I did.

If you could jump in front of only one friend who would it be? >> What?

Have you ever fallen in or out of love? >> Who knows.

Do you watch the real world? >> I’ve never seen it.

Whats your favorite baby name? >> ---

What one celebrity do you hate? >> Why would I bother hating a celebrity.

Do you support a charity? >> No.

Do you bite your fingernails? >> No.

Have you ever done drugs? >> Yes.

Do you pop your knuckles? >> Sometimes.

Do you burn by the sun easy? >> I don’t burn in the Sun.

Are you a large religous person? >> No.

Do you scrapbook? >> No.

Can you name all the baldwin brothers? >> I don’t know, how many are there? I can name like... hm. Two?

If you could change your eye color would you and to what color? >> Gold.

Have you ever had braces? >> No.

Whats your favorite cartoon character? >> I have a lot of favourites.

Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? >> I don’t want a fenced-in home.

Do you like Martinis? >> I mean, I don’t remember the last time I had one, but I’m pretty sure I like them.

Do you own any yellow shoes? >> No.

When were you the saddest in your whole life? >> *shrug*

Have you ever seen a ghost? >> Maybe.

Do you work out? >> No.

Are you a virgin? >> No.

What color is your favorite shirt? >> ---

Are you in dyer need to take a shower? >> I am not in dire need of a shower. I’ll be taking one tomorrow morning.

How many books do you read a month? >> Anywhere between zero and five.

Can you type fast? >> Yes.

In school were you bullied? >> Yes.

Have you ever swam in the ocean? >> I’ve been in the surf, but I can’t swim so that’s as far as I go.

Are you sarcastic? >> I mean, sometimes? Not constantly, that’d be inappropriate.

Do you own a boat? >> No.

What about a camper? >> No.

What are you views on hunting? >> I have no views on it. Also, “hunting” is a general term that encompasses many different practices, some less ethical than others, so.

Do you read the newspaper? >> No.

Whats your pet peeve? >> ---

Do you know anyone who suffers from bone loss? >> No.

Do you have any tattoos? >> Yes.

Are you on any teams? >> No.

If you died today where do you think you'd go? >> *sigh*

Do you know anyone who is pregnate? >> No.

Who is the first contact in your cell phone? >> Elle, probably.

What color are you bed sheets? >> Grey.

Ever have an itch you couldn't scratch? >> Nah, there’s always a way to scratch it.

How many shoes do you own? >> Two pairs, not counting weather boots.

Have you ever been to therapy? >> Yes.

What kind of car do you drive? >> I don’t.

What kind do you want? >> ---

Would you survive in the military? >> I wouldn’t, which is fine, because I don’t want anything to do with the military in the first place.

Do you use online dating? >> I have, but I don’t now.

Do you curse? >> Sure.

Do you go to church? >> No.

Do you think you over weight? >> Whatever.

Did you go to College? >> No.

Have you ever been cheated on? >> No.

Have you ever cheated? >> Yes.

How often are you sick? >> Rarely.

Did/ Do you miss alot of school? >> I did not miss any school until high school, when I started being admitted to the mental hospital every few months.

Can you play any kind of instrument? >> No.

Whats your dating type? >> ---

Do you like scented candles? >> Sure, depending on the scent.

Are you easily bored? >> No.

Do you know anyone gay? >> The majority of the people I know are some flavour of not-heterosexual.

[haru-vaelar]

Character Overview

General Information

Name: Haru Vaelar

Gender: Male

Age: 20

Race: Hyur

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Relationship Status: Single

Occupation: Freelancer, smart mouth and problem solver

Physical Appearance

Hair: Jet black, mix of brown and blonde natural highlights over his bangs

Eyes: A deep, wine like crimson

Height: 5ft 11inch

Distinguishing Features: Bad, mostly faded scarring across a large portion of his body.

Common Accessories: Haru carries a mix of accessories for his day job but he's very rarely seen without some form of visual aid to help him get from point a-b. He absolutely despises spectacles (vanity!) but he can be seen wearing them begrudgingly on occasion.

Personality

Talents: Is being an insufferable know-it-all a talent? Combat trained, specific knowledge of alchemy and engineering, and he can juggle!

Weaknesses: Pcccccht. .. It would be a pretty long list! 

Virtues:  Blunt, straight-forward, cutting, efficient, patient, etc.

Flaws: Greedy, manipulative, apathetic, vindictive, sadistic streak, mood swings, etc.

Deity: Nymeia

Hobbies: Sketching maps, looking for contacts, information gathering, reveng- I don't think that's a hobby.

Fears: Trust issues, abandonment issues, social anxiety and angry lalafels. Debt. Unfinished business. ROMANCE.

Traits

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted Disorganized / In Between / Organized Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded Calm / In Between / Anxious / Spirited Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable Cautious / In Between / Reckless Outspoken / In Between / Reserved Leader / In Between / Follower Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic Traditional / In Between / Modern Hard-working / In Between / Lazy Cultured / In Between / Uncultured Loyal / In Between / Disloyal Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Hooks

Freelancer: Often looking for work, he can be found scouring the streets, places of commercial interest and all of the local taverns. There's few jobs he won't take on. Even if he's not even remotely qualified, why not take a crack at something new? Susceptible to swindlers, damzels in distress and offers that are far too good to be true.

Gun Freak: Especially interested in projectile weapons, bullets and blades, it's surprising how excitable he becomes when faced with a new instrument of war. Large cannons, pistols, rifles, bayonets - they're fascinating to him on a very primal level. It's a good way to get his attention pretty quickly.

Sleep Deprivation: For reasons unknown, it's rare that he goes one day with more than three hours of consecutive sleep. It's constantly broken and restless, as if he's lost in a cacaphony of various enduring nightmares based on his past. There are only so many solutions for this particular ailment and most of the time, he's far too stubborn to accept them. At times he can be found just dozing off in public spaces so feel free to give him a poke.

Alchemical Knowledge: He's vague about where he received his education in 'alchemy', but he's knowledgeable when it comes to oil, grease, fuel and various stimulants that aren't overly common knowledge. Despite that, he's absolutely lacking in the fundamentals of the art and can only follow instructions that he's already aware of. That being said, if the situation calls for it, then it's a good way for him to get involved.

Engineering Knowledge: Weapon maintenance. That's basically it in a nutshell. Don't go expecting him to fix your airship but if your gunblade or cannon is breaking down, he's more than happy to take a look for a nominal fee.

OOC Information

Genres: I'm zero limitations. I'll give anything and everything a try within a fictional context. Just make sure it makes sense, yeah~?

RP Style: Zero-limit, in-depth and immersive role-player. I don't like throwing around 'light, hev, etc'. We all have different styles and they're all pretty unique. I'm not a huge fan of planning or organization and I don't always write down a lot of the yarns or stories that are kept in my head, but I'm still pretty invested in character development, world building and story expansion.

RP Length: Partner and situation preference, entirely. I can write novella if I'm in the right frame of mind but I have learned to be concise over the years.

Timezone: GMT

Availability: I'm unemployed right now and I'm generally not busy most days if I'm not volunteering on a mental health server I'm active on. If you see me in-game or just want to poke me for role-play, go ahead.

[gascon-en-exil]

FE16 Golden Deer Liveblogging

Chapters 6-10. Took a little longer this time - so many supports - but I still don’t have all that much to say actually. I think?

A trio of new paralogues with Deer characters, with two of them taking place on the same new map. The drawbridge gimmick reminds me of Archanea, but it’s not utilized much even for Ignatz and Raphael’s paralogue which requires you to help some merchants reach an escape spot. Lorenz’s is less remarkable, with just an early appearance by minor antagonist Acheron, but...

Thyrsus, the staff obtained from that paralogue, is gloriously broken. It immediately fixed the issues I’d had with Lysithea’s spell range and then some, turning her into even more of a monster. Her biggest problem now is how quickly she masters classes thanks to her personal skill, to the point where a few times she’s had to sit in a mastered class until either her level or her magic ranks caught up. I haven’t touched her budding sword talent, as I can safely assume it’s not worth it.

Hilda’s paralogue was more remarkable for what it reveals about Cyril’s complicated feelings for Almyra than anything to do with Hilda or House Goneril. As with Edelgard’s paralogue Holst remains unseen due to sudden illness - the guy just can’t catch a break.

Come Chapter 9 I realized I had no one in mind for dancer. Claude and Hilda have by far the highest CHA but are both destined for flying classes. When you think about it tactically dancer is best suited toward magic users who won’t be getting a mount - so, female ones. So much for all the praise over male dancers when they seem to be rarely if ever optimal for the role. I went with Marianne, wildly OOC and all.

Ignatz continues to be kind of weird, jumping between thief and swordmaster and soon enough dark bishop. He might end up a decent mortal savant after all. Raphael continues to be Dedue with a less reliable personal skill and no boyfriend.

Story/Character observations

Appropriately Claude is at the center of the biggest differences between this route and the other two, but my confidence in the quality of his scheming has gone down a bit. At this point he’s shared just enough with Byleth - his fascination with Relics, his suspicions about a church cover-up - but is still keeping his overall goals vague, and the result is that he comes off as a manipulative asshole who’s transparently using the professor for all their special qualities. Granted I’m enjoying that immensely, because there’s never been a lead character in FE quite like Claude before and I don’t care about Byleth’s nonexistent feelings in the slightest, but he can be terribly unsubtle. The worst is when he forces you via looping dialogue tree to have Byleth hand over their father’s diary so he can try to figure out what’s going on. And he the nerve in his support with Flayn to say he doesn’t take his secrets by force!

All in all though, Claude’s boundless capacity for prying is great for worldbuilding, something the Eagles and the Lions routes can be rather thin on by comparison, or rather too concentrated in specific areas.

I remember how they were introduced in pre-release, but in hindsight I don’t know why they tried to make it seem as though Lorenz was the second in command of the Golden Deer when it’s very clearly Hilda, who has the same speaking parts as Hubert and Dedue at relevant moments. I suppose technically Lorenz is a second in command in Alliance politics, albeit one who goes on to form a faction opposed to Claude. Neither of them are loyal enough not to jump ship to another house if sufficiently motivated, though.

Even after viewing his paralogue I’m still not feeling Raphael. He doesn’t sound like he’s deliberately ignoring the cause of his parents’ deaths to spare him and his family further retribution so much as he doesn’t think it’s important. He’s an alright character, just not a complex one. It doesn’t help either that I coincidentally unlocked his B support with Lorenz right after. Their support line doesn’t allude to the actions of the Gloucesters in the slightest, instead being yet another one about eating. *yawns*

So many of Lysithea’s early supports are her being appallingly rude for barely justified reasons. I like that this is never played off as cutesy and childlike, but it looks like in most of the later conversations this gets handwaved with her dark backstory. Too bad I probably won’t get the full story if it’s contained in the paralogue she shares with, er, Ferdinand?

The Claude/Ignatz supports are dumb and a good demonstration of how much Claude deserves the token heterosexual lord label so, so much more than Dimitri does. The guy just gets nothing to work with. In these two conversations Ignatz is fascinated with imagining what the goddess looks like (so..does that mural of her not exist in-universe?), while Claude is vaguely agnostic and suggests that Ignatz would like to sleep with the goddess. These topics - Claude’s views on religion, Ignatz’s artistic sensibilities and possible desire to fuck a religious figure - are so much better explored elsewhere, and just like with his supports with his other male housemates Claude has absolutely no chemistry here. Meanwhile he’s telling Flayn where she can find erotica and hitting it off on more normal terms with every other woman in reach.

Oh, and did I mention there is zero context for Claude dancing with Byleth at the ball? Nothing made of it before or after, and Claude doesn’t get a scene with Byleth before the tower either. This means that only Dimitri gets this extra scene, for one of the very few bits of Claumitri ship tease and for his backstory with Edelgard which the straight male side of this fandom seems determined to go Freudian with. 

Shamir’s supports with Deer characters include multiple instances of her throwing daggers at bugs. Weird, but now I get why one of her lost items is a sketch of a centipede.

[slashertalks]

some vampire meta shit, and the theoretical societal balances which must be, and often are, struck within narratives depicting a carnivorous pseudo-human species (or, some thoughts about Daybreakers)

So it may not be well known here, but it’s a pretty obvious fact on my blog dailyhudson that I love the movies Near Dark and The Lost Boys. I’ve always been interested in the mythology of vampires, especially the scientific facts behind their origins, and I think the varying structures of vampiric societies within film narratives can be very interesting. So, that’s what I’m going to discuss here. I’m not sure how long this piece is going to be, but we’ll see as we go along.

I’m going to start with a little dissection of varying vampiric traits. Picture a vampire; I’m guessing the image your mind conjured up had fangs and drinks blood. Yeah, just fangs and blood— that’s all I can give you, because vampiric traits are so wildly different that at this point, there’s really no comprehensive list of universal features. Not even fangs are universal; in Near Dark, none of the vampires are shown to have them. However, there are recurring traits. Fangs are the most wide one, but there are also: altered eyes (commonly red or gold); pointed ears; bat-like feet or noses; the ability to shift their appearance between something human and more monstrous; flight; shapeshifting; a member of the undead. Why is “a member of the undead” not universal? Ignore the fact that I’m about to call upon Twilight, but it is a vampire narrative; within the plot, Bella gives birth to Edward’s baby and is turned in the process— the child is born a vampire, and therefore I don’t technically qualify it as “undead.” Alongside that, within the majority of narratives it is not a corpse which is reanimated, but a human that is turned. Vampirism is simply another state of being alive, though it can be used to prevent imminent death. Vampirism being conflated with death, in this meta discussion of morality and societal structures, would likely originate from a fear of what’s more powerful, more animalistic than ourselves (humans); how often do we think of ourselves as predators, when stronger creatures exist? To become a vampire is to lose your humanity but to gain the characteristics of what I will refer to as a “true predator,” not unlike a lion. Whether or not our actual humanity, our empathy, is lost varies on the narrative in question, and even then is questionable at best, considering the point of view of the narrative is nearly always a human one.

Now, what spurred this on was my viewing of the movie Daybreakers: an apocalyptic, near-starvation look at an imbalanced vampiric society— essentially, a worst-case scenario. Turning to both the Lost Boys and Near Dark, in these narratives we are shown two small groups of vampires coexisting in a world where they are unrecognized by humans (except in very rare cases, like that of Grandpa and the Frog Brothers). This is the ideal vampiric society, and one seemingly acknowledged by elder vampires; Max keeps a tight reign on the boys, only permitting David to turn a human when the human is approved. Jesse is angry with Mae for having turned a human without consulting them first. There is an understood need to keep the vampire population small, and to train them: Caleb is supposed to learn how to be a vampire, how to avoid attracting attention, how to recognize where and who to target. Even when they kill the bar patrons, the bar itself is mostly empty; a stark contrast to scenes like Daybreakers’ human farms or the blood rave in Blade. Even in the Forsaken, where the vampires are especially predatory and violent, they target very few people: our specific main characters and a small party of frat boys.

Within these narratives, there is an understood balance between vampires and humans. Not unlike any predator and prey; if prey cannot subsist, neither can predators. Vampires are an especially delicate predator, in that even if they can live off of animal blood, it is often not nutritionally fulfilling, leaving them weak and acting only as a bandaid until human blood can be obtained. Particularly within Near Dark, there is also a clan mentality: a desire to protect and safeguard your sired family; while Homer sired Mae, it’s easy to assume Diamondback and Severen were both sired by Jesse (who sired Homer is unclear). They are loyal to each other, a metaphorical pack of wolves; even Mae, who is turned back human (though that scenario raises questions of consent, since she never expresses a desire to be human and is, in fact, fearful when she awakens), is torn between staying with her family and defending the man she loves and had sired. The basis of a sustainable vampiric society would, as evidenced by Near Dark and The Lost Boys, require vampires to live as small, nomadic clans, keeping a tight control on the size of their groups and even killing off those who cannot successfully make the transition (whether because of fear, like Caleb, or because they cannot control themselves and feed without abandon, risking exposure). It’s also notable that there’s at least one older “alpha” within each clan; Jesse and Diamondback in Near Dark (though Severen is stated by both Bill Paxton and Jenette Goldstein to be older than Diamondback, his personality is naturally more immature and so he defers to Diamondback without issue), and Max in The Lost Boys. An older vampire within these clans would also be key to continued clan subsistence; until the younger vampires understand the need to maintain small, manageable groups and can go off on their own, the “alpha” vampire is there to guide them through vampiric adolescence.

What about Daybreakers, then? Even in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the high vampiric population is an explicitly-stated anomaly; Sunnydale is the location of the entrance to hell, naturally attracting supernatural beings— as such, we can assume within the rest of the world vampires exists either solitarily or within small familial groups (like Spike, Angel, and Drusilla did). Daybreakers is interesting to consider, since the transmission of vampirism is... unclear. It did start as a disease, considering the search for a cure, but based on the societal structures implemented in previous examples, one can assume that the disease struck out of the blue and spread quickly. Yet, at the same time, it can be transmitted via a bite. So, how did it start? Who was patient zero? The global nature of the disease and disregard for traditional vampiric societal structures put forth by previous narratives would suggest to me that there were millions of youthful vampires at once with no mentors to learn from. Even in the terrible Lost Boys sequel, the oldest vampire is (likely; that film is nonsense and I’m not going to dig too deep into it) thousands of years older than any other vampire. Even mad with power, the alpha is explicitly against the idea of turning all the humans at DJ X’s (another vampire’s) raves; he understands that too many vampires will lead to starvation and extinction. Following this logic, there can be no alpha vampire within the narrative world of Daybreakers; there’s nobody to pass along life lessons to the young vampires, nobody to teach them to keep their familial packs small and their destruction to a minimum.

What, then, is the morality of vampires hunting humans in Daybreakers? Clearly there’s a dichotomy between non-sapient predators and vampires: lions and wolves do not have the ability to reason, they act on instinct and drive alone. Vampires have the ability to reason, have some sense of morality, as do humans; therefore, it’s unfair to strike a “true predator”/“true prey” dichotomy. What about the fact that the vampiric society is facing starvation, then? What about humankind’s status as an endangered species? There’s no fair settlement between humankind and vampires within Daybreakers’ universe; human societal structures built around individualism and capitalism cannot make the transition to vampirism. Extinction is a guarantee without an alpha to lead the pack, so in a world where the vampiric agent was spontaneous and widespread, as is implied by Daybreakers, there was no other option for vampiric society.

I found Daybreakers interesting but unsatisfying. I’ve briefly touched on the attraction of vampirism from a specifically queer point of view, but I think that’s an important consideration. Growing up without knowing yourself, losing your childhood, losing members of your family because they can’t accept you, and having to rebuild your life in a society where you don’t know who you can trust... it’s a deeply disheartening way to come into yourself as a young adult. The vampiric societies depicted within films like Near Dark and the Lost Boys, where the vampires are fiercely loyal to one another, and in the case of the Lost Boys near-flirtatious with each other, are very attractive. The thought of a family you can’t lose, drawn to each other by attraction and bound by immortality; no fear of losing the most important people in your life to suicide or violence— I’ve often joked that only straight people turn down vampirism within films, but is that joke really that far off? Michael in the Lost Boys struggles with accepting the attraction the boys have for him, fleeing to the comforting heterosexuality of a relationship with Star rather than confront any potential queerness. Mae is completely comfortable in her skin, but Caleb can’t accept her identity as a vampire, and fears the implications that has for him (what does it say if he’s dating a bi woman?). Louis in Interview With The Vampire slowly learns to accept himself, but not without struggles and denial (a true statement of many “coming out” narratives). These parallels come easy to vampiric stories, and combined with the attractiveness of vampirism to a group who struggle with acceptance and often rely on found family rather than blood relatives (and what if your found family could become your blood family through vampirism?), it would be a disservice to leave this out of the discussion.

My dissatisfaction with Daybreakers originates, I think, from its overt heterosexuality. There’s a lack of nuance to the narrative, an almost propaganda-like ignorance towards the point of view of an equally sapient species. Take this with the smallest grain of salt, considering the queer parallels with vampirism are generally unintentional, but how often has the “h*mosexuals are destroying good christian families” argument been used? How often have people said that if society accepts gayness there won’t be any straight people left? Not that I’m particularly sympathetic towards this corrupt vampiric society, nor the majority of the vampiric characters, but in light of the connections I’ve drawn between queerness and vampiric stories the saving grace being “they gave up vampirism and turned back human” is... tiring (you can pray the gay away, after all). The statement above, and the statement that Daybreakers’ vampiric society is corrupt and unsustainable, can mutually coexist. After all, Blade is a vampire who essentially serves as population control against a corrupt vampiric society— good vampires and corrupt vampires are also not mutually exclusive, as Daybreakers would indicate (the character Frankie can’t stop himself from feeding on a human as soon as there’s not a crossbow in his face).

Perhaps I’m digging into this a little too deep— perhaps there’s nothing beneath the surface of these narratives, but I’m loathe to believe that. After all, I’m here running this blog because there’s very often a deeper layer to horror narratives, a breaking-down of norms unattainable with other genres. For example, while it wasn’t a fantastic film, Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker did depict a gay man who was a sympathetic character and a caring basketball coach who worried about his students, was realistic about the challenges of homophobia, but still did what he could to look out for the main character when things began to go off the wall. It’s not so unreasonable, then, to say that many vampire narratives (intentional or otherwise) are steeped in queerness and the antithesis to upper-middle class, white, heterosexual familial values— a found family of misfits, loyal and protective of each other, which Good Heteros can do nothing against? How terrifying! This is why I feel so apathetic towards Daybreakers: where it could have explored and played against structures the way many horror films do, it slotted itself right into the mold of “normal” (read: white, able-bodied, cishet, middle+ class) people = good, Others = bad, and the hottest take the movie had was “maybe unchecked capitalism is Not Great.” Which, duh, of course unchecked capitalism is bad, but that’s a subject for another day and a different blog. The difference between the other vampire narratives I talked about and Daybreakers is the difference between good barbecue and the McRib; between real blood and a substitute: it’s edible, but something important is lacking.

[battlestar-royco]

You know what i hate: pol making meta post abt nesta in acofas pretending that sjm set this amazing storyline for her and that only smart sjm fandom veterans get it, that also not subtly demonize my girl and praises the inner circle jerk. Like? Wtf

Yeah, I find the discussion and fan reception concerning N/esta truly intriguing. I mean, I don’t really check out the stan posts about her on this website because ever since her introduction they have been mainly negative or mischaracterized. To begin with, N/esta is only interesting because SJ/M doesn’t favor her in the narrative, so she doesn’t get too many layers or plot points because she’s not the center of the story. I do genuinely enjoy her character, but as far as disagreeable fictional women go, I don’t think she’s as nuanced as a Hermione or an Inej or a Clarke Griffin. I also don’t think SJ/M had much of a clue about where to go with her character beyond the L/ucien plan–which was scrapped for the C/assian plan–and being turned into a fae, which has been followed by a lot of character disservice and inconsistency. Her powers are still unclear, her trauma hasn’t been explored with as much depth and respect as was given to Rice or Faerug, and her sex life in AC0FAS seems forced after her W&E proclamation that she’d rather not bother with men. I love the smell of compulsory heterosexuality in the morning. That said, SJ/M allows N/esta to have the flaws that many other characters simply don’t have in AC0TAR, and to me, that makes her infinitely more palatable and dynamic than the other leading ladies of AC0TAR. Faerug undergoes character development in AC0MAF, but it seems to stop there, and in an unrelatable place–with a mega-hot “feminist” boyfriend who drugged her and broke her arm, surrounded by friends with zero significant conflict, and in a perfect home/city that exudes wealth and privilege. For the life of me, I can’t come up with one flaw for M0r that doesn’t have lesbophobic implications, and E/lain’s character needs a lot more work in almost every regard. Rice has a redemption arc that has excused and retconned the past abuse from AC0TAR and the continued abuse/objectification throughout the rest of the series. Faerug has yet to be questioned or self-evaluated for bringing foreign oppressors into N/esta and E/lain’s home, sexually harassing L/ucien and invading his mind, causing a sentry to be whipped, commanding Tarquin in Summer, and politically demolishing Spring. So where does that leave us? With N/esta and L/ucien as the only characters who are actively atoning for the wrongs they have done others, and the IC as entitled, privileged, static, and boring. I’ll take N/esta over any of them any day.

[echodrops]

Why Do Certain Ships Become So Popular? (And Why Should Writers Rethink When They Do?) - Part 2

<- Start back at part 1 or you’re going to be very confused!

This time my victim of choice example is Klance (and Allurance and Lotura too).

In a previous post, I established the premise that shippers focus their efforts and attention on ships between characters who exhibit the most compelling dynamism, the greatest amount of emotional energy--good feelings or bad--that directly relates to one or more of the characters’ growth arcs... or the two characters whose emotional interactions most significantly affect a story’s main plot.

This idea (that shippers are looking for strong, dynamic emotional interactions that are directly tied to plot) feeds directly into my second premise: part of the popularity of slash ships comes from the fact that, very often, the strongest and most plot-relevant emotional events don’t occur between male characters and female characters, but between male protagonists and other male characters--due to a combination of 1) a much smaller number of female characters, 2) a majority of writers for anime/manga and American shows being male; 3) under-developed or poorly written female characters, and 4) the tendency to situate males in the hero, sidekick, and villain positions, increasing the chance that their actions will have greater importance in the story’s main plot.

In short, writers can unintentionally cause fans to prefer non-canon slash ships by writing more dynamic, better developed, and more plot-relevant interactions between their male leads than between the main character and his designated female love interest.  

Now hang on. Before you get all up in arms, yes, I’m perfectly aware there are plenty of other reasons slash ships are popular, including:

A huge desire among LGBT+ fans for positive representation

The fact that m/m interactions appeal to straight women/others the same way w/w interactions are sexy to straight men/others

The tendency of shows, particularly from Japan, to deliberately queer-bait

The fact that many women vicariously ship male characters together because it allows them to imagine a relationship of “genuine equals,” particularly in areas where women feel they are still not treated equally to men

The tendency for “pair the spares” to result in m/m ships simply due to a lower number of available female characters

And so on

This isn’t written to negate any of those reasons or to imply that they aren’t major factors in the popularity of slash ships, not at all, but it has always, always struck me as reductive when I hear things like “Slash ships are only popular because girls think two dudes together is hot” (the fetish argument) or “Girls will ship any two good-looking male characters together regardless of canon. They just hate het ships” (the fetish argument with a side dish of misogyny).

In particular, this last one--an argument I’ve heard from a lot of male fandom members (but of course not all)--has always gotten under my skin, because it implies that girls who ship aren’t capable of critically analyzing the media we consume and identifying characters who have meaningful interactions and interesting potential. That we, unlike those viewers who adhere to the canon (typically heterosexual) relationships, are somehow reading these stories wrong, blind to “real” romance (namely the one between the male hero and his best girl/waifu), and/or misusing male characters with zero regard for their personalities--worse, this argument also implies that female fans deliberately hate or under-appreciate oh-so-perfectly written female characters whose romantic subplots are totally natural and not at all an unfortunate side effect of their position as the token chick on the team...

At its best, the statement: “Girls will ship any two good-looking male characters” is demeaning in its dismissal of a majority of slash shippers and their ability to read characters. At its worse, it’s this exact dismissal that continues to allow so many (primarily male) authors to write under-developed, unimportant, token female love interests: “It’s the girls [or the slash shippers] who are weird; there’s nothing wrong with the way we’re doing things.”

But guess what happens when well-written female characters whose actions are central to a story’s main plot are introduced and highlighted? Guess what happens when the emotional energy between a female lead and her male counterpart is the most compelling and dynamic in the series?

The (often canon) het ship suddenly--somehow--magically becomes well-liked by fans!

Zutara and Kataang vastly out-strip any slash Avatar pairings in popularity. Noragami’s Yatori commands a staggering following in the fandom. Is there anyone in their right mind who thinks Alucard/Integra wasn’t the best pairing to end Hellsing with? No one debates whether or not Ahiru and Fakir from Princess Tutu are true love. In Doctor Who, Rose and the Doctor reign so far supreme in the fandom that none of the other ships even need to exist though I actually prefer River. Terra and Aqua from Kingdom Hearts beat out every other Terra or Aqua ship by a mile (and this is in a series notorious for hating and under-shipping its female characters). Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-Kun has no problem juggling three very well-accepted het ships--even while having a scene in which two male characters sit down and draw a gay manga together. Ain’t nobody suggesting Mr. Bates and Anna from Downton Abbey should be with anyone else, right? And this is just in the handful of shows I personally have time to watch. Anyone who reads or watches a series with well-written female characters can play this exact same game!

The obvious conclusion? Female fans are perfectly willing to ship heterosexual pairings--if they’re well-written.

It’s the same story all over again: when the real emotional energy, the dynamic core, the most plot-relevant interactions occur between a male and female character, they too can become the fan-preferred couple. (Shocking!)

Yes, yes, I hear you saying “B-But wait, sometimes the m/m ship is more popular even though the het love interest is well-written!” or “Sometimes girls ship guy characters who have never even met!” or “So what you’re saying is female fans wouldn’t ship slash if there were better het options available?”

1) Don’t get me wrong--there are certainly always exceptions. I’m pointing out a trend, not a rule. Sometimes a fandom has a separate, specific reason for elevating a non-canon slash ship above a well-written canon het ship. (Someone who is actually in the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom might be able to explain why Ed/Roy is more popular than Roy/Riza, probably?) And in situations where a slash ship and a het ship in a series both have equally strong emotional energy, my bet is that the slash ship will always come out on top because it gets the added benefit of people liking LGBT+ rep and straight girls (and anyone else) who just think m/m is hot.

2) Crack ships definitely do exist. But usually when a crack ship actually manages to become popular, it’s because fans have recognized the potential for a strong emotional energy between two characters. If the two characters could reasonably have strong tension because of similarities, differences, or other elements of their characters, then crack ships are still following the trend of aligning with emotional energy, even if that energy is only anticipated at the moment.

3) I definitely don’t mean to suggest that slash ships are shoddy seconds to fans who would “naturally” prefer het ships if good het ships were available. What I’m suggesting is only that it’s no surprise slash ships are so extremely and consistently popular across so many fandoms, because in terms of plot relevance, depth of writing, and meaningful interactions with each other, male characters so rarely have any real competition. A desire for LGBT+ representation and people living out power or equality fantasies through slash are certainly motivating factors and good and worthy reasons to write slash. But one unfortunate contributor to the popularity of slash ships is that male characters continue to occupy a place of privilege in modern narratives. Our heroes remain overwhelmingly male. Our sidekick/lancer/buddy characters remain overwhelmingly male. Our villain characters remain overwhelmingly male. That is to say: male characters continue to dominate all the most “plot relevant” roles in our narratives, and so long as male leads continue to be placed in roles where their most compelling emotional interactions and greatest sources of character growth are other male characters, slash ships will continue to dominate fandoms’ online presences.

(Hilarious: the dude bros who complain about the number of slash ships in their favorite series are often the very same ones supporting and becoming the writers whose shallow portrayals of female characters further bolster the popularity of said slash ships in the first place...)

Okay, I’ve made you wait long enough.

What does all of this have to do with Voltron?

Well, you’ve probably figured that part out already, actually.

If we consider the “emotional energy” and tension among Voltron’s main characters, there’s absolutely no question who is at the core, where the most plot relevant and meaningful emotional interactions have occurred, where the “heart” of the story is, in essence...

Hint: It’s Keith.

(Just a heads up: I’m going to use Klance as the example because it’s the most popular Voltron pairing according to the numbers, but any Sheith fan worth their salt could obviously very, very easily apply these ideas one-for-one to that ship, because clearly Shiro’s interactions with Keith are some of the most emotionally tense and compelling in the entire Voltron series--they are a consistent core of feeling energy for the show which naturally leads many people to support this ship. A large part of the reason that this post is tagged Sheith is because I am absolutely inviting Sheith shippers to use the theory and lens in this essay to analyze Sheith--using this idea to analyze Sheith will reveal a lot of intense emotional energy to discuss and validate that ship. I’m very tempted to put this paragraph in all caps or something so the Sheith shippers will actually read it and stop badgering me...)

Keith (and his relation with other characters) is the core of Voltron’s main plot, both in that he is positioned as the leader/the hero/the protagonist, and because, obviously, almost all of the series’ emotional high points (with the exception of “Crystal Venom” and Pidge’s search for Matt) somehow feature him. 

Keith isn’t just central in the main plot though; he’s also central in the individual arcs of two other characters: Lance and Shiro. He’s a motivating and driving factor in both of these characters’ stories and change throughout the series, affecting their actions, attitudes, and self-worth, and so it should come as absolutely no surprise that Sheith and Klance are the series’ most popular ships.

But since Klance is the most popular pairing, the person I really want to talk about is Lance.

You can say a lot of things about Lance and the raging debates that occurred over whether or not Lance is a straight loverboy trope or not, but I don’t think any viewer of Voltron would deny that, if we consider the main cast members (Team Voltron plus Lotor), the core of Lance’s emotional energy and tension is Keith. His interactions with Keith--not even in a romantic sense, simply in a storytelling sense--are more important and dynamic than his on-screen interactions with any other main character.

From his laser focus on Keith at Garrison that caused him to invent a rivalry (this word is basically just a synonym for “emotional energy” at this point):

To comedic banter:

To the infamous bonding moment:

To a fledgling “right hand man” partnership:

To Lance’s insecurities:

The story of Voltron itself continuously reiterates that Lance’s interactions with Keith are more dynamic, more intense (even if we’re talking about “Rawr, I hate you, we’re rivals!” emotions instead of lovey-dovey stuff), and more plot relevant than Lance’s interactions with other characters in the series. Lance’s emotional arc is irrevocably centered on Keith until very, very late in the series.

More importantly: Lance’s motivation and personal plot line as a whole are centered on Keith. At it’s most basic, Lance’s character arc seems like it was supposed to center on Lance’s sense of self-worth--despite acting confident, Lance was actually insecure about his ability to help save the universe. Theoretically, his narrative should have focused on him becoming confident about his place on the team and his value as both a friend and fellow paladin to the other main characters. His arc should have been (and I guess theoretically still is? It’s just not... ever given much attention?) about him overcoming his insecurity by learning to recognize his own unique talents and discovering the things that only he can do to help Team Voltron succeed. (Hell, the entire Allurance thing could have been framed as “She’s completely out of my league” ---> “Whoa, originally I was putting Allura on a pedestal but actually she’s as much a member of this team as me--we’re in this together, side-by-side.”)

Whether or not the semi-incoherent narrative of Voltron actually delivered on this promise is iffy, but the set up in season 1-3ish is all there and all Keith:

At Garrison, Lance viewed Keith as a road block in his quest to becoming a fighter class student. Keith’s achievements and talent became a measuring stick for Lance’s own capabilities. He imagined a rivalry to make himself feel better/less insecure. His drive not to lose out to Keith is what dragged Hunk and Pidge along to Shiro’s rescue and ultimately led to the discovery of the Blue Lion. Lance comparing himself unfavorably to Keith as a paladin and pilot contributed to (mostly) one-sided animosity throughout the early seasons that gave way to a scene of Lance attempting to step down from the team because he didn’t see himself worthy of the position in comparison to Keith:

The logical conclusion that I think most fans would draw from these many scenes is that, as part of Lance’s overall character growth across the whole series, he needed to have a moment in which he recognized that he isn’t--and has never been--inferior to Keith.

Ultimately, the first five seasons continually reiterate the idea that, in terms of interactions, energy, and dynamic character growth, the most important main character in Lance’s story (other than Lance) is Keith.

Keith’s interactions with Lance are directly and immediately tied to Lance’s individual character arc/growth, and Keith is definitely the focus of Lance’s most meaningful emotional tension throughout seasons 1-5 at least.

Which means it shouldn’t come as any surprise that Klance is the most popular Lance ship, particularly when you set it side-by-side with the (increasingly canon) Allurance.

I just want to make this abundantly clear before I begin: I have absolutely nothing against Allurance shippers and, until it was done so poorly in season 5-6 (and potentially 7, I still haven’t even finished that one), I actually was okay with the possibility of Allurance being endgame because I thought there was potential for it to be done well. After what we’ve been given, I actually feel the Allurance shippers have been horribly shortchanged by the show’s real writing, and that I can’t personally support the ship the way it’s being written, but that’s not the fault of the characters themselves or anything inherently “wrong” with the ship. So please don’t take the rest of what I say here as ship hate--this is just observations from a literary analysis standpoint.

What has prevented Lance and Allura from gaining significant traction with the fans despite the fact that it’s edging close to canon territory if it isn’t canon already?

Well, one problem might be that Lance’s emotional energy has no bearing on Allura’s individual character development--and Allura’s emotional peaks have no bearing on Lance’s personal arc either (at least as far as it was established in early seasons and then left essentially unresolved).

Allura’s arc has, throughout the course of the show, centered on her ability to defeat her family’s foes, her grief for her lost people and planet, and her desire to follow in her father’s footsteps as a leader and in the Altean traditions as well. None of this has much of anything to do with Lance. Her growth as a character occurs--with the exception of the single shining scene on Naxela--completely independently of Lance. She lets her father’s memory go on her own in “Crystal Venom.” She faces Zarkon head-to-head by herself after rescuing Shiro. It’s Shiro who stops her from over-working herself to aid the coalition, not Lance. It’s Keith’s whose Galra blood forces her to re-examine and overcome some of her universal hatred for the Galra. It’s Lotor who helps her reach Oriande, and her own ingenuity that allows her to tame the White Lion and learn the secrets of Altean alchemy.

With the exception of the scene on Naxela where it was specifically Lance’s speech that motivated Allura to save the day, virtually all of her most charged emotions occurred elsewhere and with other characters, and there’s nothing in her personal goals--to be a strong leader, to revive her culture, to save the universe--that is intrinsically tied with Lance. He can encourage and aid her in those pursuits, but so can Shiro, Keith, Pidge, Hunk, and Coran. The role of fellow paladin and supporting ally isn’t unique to Lance. His interactions with her don’t fill a niche that drives her personal plot lines outside of the romance subplot.

And the same thing is true in reverse.

We get this nice scene of Allura encouraging Lance and helping him work on his insecurity... And then it is promptly never mentioned again. (Where did the sword go, guys? Where???) Lance gives up Blue to Allura and she’s almost immediately gifted at piloting the Blue Lion, while Lance is shown struggling with Red (once more in Keith’s shadow) and still hadn’t, as of the end of season 6, seemed to have mastered it to the same extent as Keith. It’s Keith, Laika (an alien dog--not Allura guys, an alien dog) and the SPACE MICE that Lance expresses his insecurities to, and it’s Coran who is there for Lance’s touching scene expressing his longing to return to Earth. Lance’s personal arc about growing into the paladin role and becoming a selfless person who puts the team before his own desire for glory once again occurs independently of Allura, with little to no interaction, and even fewer emotional high points between them, in the entire first half of the show.

For both of these characters, their “real emotional energy”--their tension both positive and negative--occurs with other characters. The “believability” and energy of this ship is diminished by the fact that it simply isn’t the most well-written of character pairs in the series. The romance subplot isn’t organically tied to either of their personal plot lines, and the depth of their one-on-one interactions pales in comparison to their, particularly Lance’s, interactions with other characters.

But huh... would you look at that... When a potential romantic interest came along whose interactions with Allura were both directly tied to her personal arc, her central character motivations, and her emotional high points...

Isn’t it amazing how well it was received by the fandom--despite the fact that no one was really sure whether Lotor was evil or not? Now of course, I’m not going to ignore the fact that Lotura was probably helped along by leaving Keith, Lance, and Shiro free to ship elsewhere, but I don’t think the actual chemistry in the series’ writing itself should be ignored.

There was significantly, significantly more tension and nuance to Allura and Lotor’s interactions that any of Allura’s interactions with any of the other main cast, and their interactions operated not just in a romantic capacity, but also as a vehicle for Allura’s personal character growth:

The push and pull of these two characters and their scenes together sparked change in both of them, which augmented and increased the quality of their romantic arc while also furthering both of their own individual goals as characters.

The story painted them as equals with mutual interests, a shared interest in Altean culture, both victims (at least initially) of their parents’ war, both distrusting but ultimately lonely people who were longing for connection to, in Allura’s case, what had been lost, and in Lotor’s case, what he theoretically had never been able to have (except the writers did him dirty so jk).

I just don’t think there are many people who would argue that Allurance--or Allura’s interactions with any other male character--have been written with near as much depth, engagement, and integration with her motivations as Lotor and Allura’s were. Their plot literally got more screen time one-on-one in a single seven episode season than Allura and Lance did in the 43+ other episodes...

And for the the short time that it lasted, this pairing was embraced by many fans. I might be biased because I immediately went out and followed every Lotura blog I could find, but to me it seems like it was well-liked and generally well-regarded among shippers until the colony reveal (and by many still after). I was very excited by the writing of this ship and definitely wanted something meaningful to come out of it. Part of the fandom’s immense outrage at Lotor’s reveal was, I think, linked to the fact that this ship had been so convincingly written into the series before it.

This, to me, is a perfect example of a situation in which the emotional exchange between two characters exceeds the strength and depth of their interactions with others, leading to immediate adoption and approval as a ship by the fandom. Where the real energy is, there are the shippers.

PHEW! Let me take a deep breath and come up for air. There’s a lot going on here, but boiling it down to the basic point I’m trying to make, and which I’ll address in a lot more depth in the third and final part of this: the way that a story is written profoundly affects what ships will or will not become popular with fans. Shipping isn’t an unpredictable beast that grows completely independently of its source material. The ways writers craft interactions between their characters--and the places where they invest the most and infuse the most life--are powerful tools that impact how fans view and come to love seeing characters both separately and in romantic relationships.

To that end, while there are numerous reasons slash ships are popular and continue to grow in popularity, one reason that should be considered seriously by all creative writers--fanfiction authors or aspiring original novelists--is the notion that shipping often aligns with the core of a story’s or character’s emotional energy, the pairs with the highest tension, the electric pulse of the story’s most meaningful moments. Non-canon ships of any sexuality swell to mega-popularity when fans perceive more depth and significance in the interactions of characters outside the canon pair, when the emotional work of the story is happening somewhere outside the intentional romantic plot line. Sometimes this is fine. But more often, this is a bad sign for creators--a sign that you’ve fumbled in the writing of your main romantic leads.

As writers, questions we rarely ask ourselves but often should are: “Where is the core of the tension in my story? Whose interactions are deepest and most central to the development of my main character?”

In other words: Where is the real emotional energy in my story?

In part 3 I’m going to provide one more excellent case-in-point, and then close out with a discussion of some take-aways for writers from all this that might help strengthen your romantic subplots, whatever your genre or whoever your characters.

Go on to Part 3 ->

[notbang]

Hi! Just wanted to rant a bit about how disappointed I am in Valencia's character this season... She is my absolute fave and I absolutely loved her character growth but in a couple of episodes she went from commentary on how compulsory heterosexuality pushes women to stay in obviously bad relationships because in theory they perfectly match their partner to "she could've been happy but missed her shot, oops" which takes away a big chunk of her complexity and retroactively weakens the whole (1/3)

of season 1, and now she wants Beth to propose or she will symbolically break up?? Like that worked with Josh because the relationship was sinking and marriage would have been the glue to hold it together + traditional gender roles but with Beth it feels so out of place! They have a healthy mutually respecting and loving relationship, they just moved in together, why is V so obsessed about marriage? (2/3)

(And what the hell she literally threw away a bouquet last season did that mean nothing?) Plus she still expects her partner to make the first move and was oblivious to that awful Pirate King song, it’s like she suddenly reverted back to season 1 (which I know the episode was aiming for but still, Rebecca wasn’t dumbed down…) Seems like a bad excuse to break V and Beth up over literally no reason, I’m really mad that this is happening. If you don’t mind, what’s your opinion on that? (3/3)

hi! there are plenty of others that could speak far more eloquently on this topic than i, but here’s my lukewarm take.

unfortunately most of the commentary valencia’s arc provides on comp het seems to have been unintentional (or in the very least, purely incidental). i think they accidentally wrote a repressed wlw character that their fanbase connected with in ways they weren’t expecting and that they had zero idea what to do with her, which is commentary itself on how what is considered a diverse writing room by many standards can still be entirely lacking. i don’t think they actually understand how much they’ve undercut a really lovely arc, because it’s not an arc they intentionally set out to write.

i’m not even going to touch on the father brah storyline, because… ugh.

i would, however, argue that the set up for a valencia/beth conflict is not necessarily for ‘literally no reason’ - valencia and beth have been together… what? six months? maybe closer to a year? like, they’re out of range for the u-haul joke i guess but the relationship is still relatively new. and let us also consider that valencia and beth moved to new york together but valencia has apparently come back to town for a period of time that encompasses roughly 2-3 months?? it’s kind of a confusing mess, but the urgency valencia is feeling for formal commitment does make a certain kind of sense when you take into consideration that she and josh were together for fifteen years and only moved in together - with an engagement only then becoming close to an actuality for them - right at the end of that significant period of time. literally more than half her life was devoted to desperately clinging to that specific picture of a perfect happy ending and having it held frustratingly out of her reach, only for josh to offer it up to rebecca almost immediately in comparison. 

the fact that valencia so desperately wants to be proposed to instead of, say, entertaining the possibility that she herself could propose to beth begs the question as to why the idea of being a bride (even one enmeshed in a terribly misogynistic song!) is still so important to her, which is absolutely an opportunity to re-examine the harmful effects comp het/patriarchal love narratives have had on her self worth. aside from marriage still being deeply intrinsic to her idea of a happy ending (because like… her preoccupation with pinning down josh as a life purpose kinda just shifted into her becoming a wedding/party planner, which isn’t so much a rejection of those ideals as it is a reframing - her career choice is now essentially built on performative happiness!!), i’d posit that a large part of it is valencia needing this very specific proof that she is being appropriately valued - that she’s not going to be waiting around again, giving herself over to the possibility of letting someone waste her time. it’s a relapse/regression/revisiting of an old wound that certainly invites character development, and i’m reserving judgment on it because it’s clearly a thread that’s going to be picked up again in the next episode, but the handling of valencia’s arc up until this point hasn’t exactly instilled me with the greatest of confidence.

this storyline could very easily go either way - their relationship dissolves, which helps dismantle the weird ‘look at how conveniently and perfectly my life has fallen into place’ feeling they’ve kind of used to dismiss both valencia and heather this season, or, in what could play into a nice parallel to rebecca’s own ongoing journey in self discovery, valencia comes to grips with the fact that she can rewrite her personal narrative, and they move forward with renewed perspective. whether or not either of those options plays out in a satisfying manner is a completely seperate issue.

what’s frustrating is that beth is so expendable to the story that her role almost doesn’t matter. valencia’s arc itself has come to lack depth and beth as a direct result is basically null and void, which makes the insistence that valencia is simply ‘beth-sexual’ even more laughable. i find her a pleasant enough character but let’s be honest she barely qualifies as one - her sole trait seems to be that she’s agreeable (something that was hilariously encapsulated in her ridiculously cheerful response to realising valencia was mad in this episode). i want to be invested in their relationship but i have to admit i struggle. if i’m completely honest at this point i’m more concerned that valencia and beth breaking up is part of a move to bring all of the characters back home to the nest to kick rebecca out of it as a way of saying her work in west covina is done, because, well. that would make me sad.

[tellywoodtrash]

ebss 09.07.19 lb

is this jai's girlfriend? she seems as idiotic and immature as him.

kabhi naa chodne ke kasme vaade = she's gonna dump his broke ass in about 5 episodes.

sonali's here! she's literally the only character i like on this show right now so seeing her really brightens up my day.

are jai/sonali supposed to be twins? i kinda get the vibe that they are the same age.

anyway, sonali, bless her heart, gave all her money to jai. which was a grand total of 150 rs.

jai manhoos is like “itne ka main kya karoonga?????”

NIKAL L****, PEHLI FURSAT MEIN NIKAL.

god sonali take your money back from this fool.

rani still on maun vrat with di, and tbh, this is the smartest thing she's done on this show ever. reasons are stupid, but pooja really isn't worth wasting time with rn.

amma continues to be the only sensible person on this damn show, by telling pooja not to waste time messing with kabir. and in response pooja's like NO BUT HE'S THE ONEEEEEEEE WHO... ffs wtf are you 6?????/ he offered to get you justice AFTER you tried to set his father on fire, and tried to make peace once more even after that. you're the one who started this petty nonsense with him.

OK THIS BISH CRAZY. before she at least used to listen to amma's voice of reason, now she's just straight up doing the opposite. she's become absolutely not worthy of rooting for, unless in situations of misogyny.

what kinda next level of extra???????? this is beyond oberoi levels of extra also.

there's everyone's shocked faces, and then there's kabir's eyeroll reaction, lmao.

kabir toh has been getting out his rage by doing some phadda everyday, aaj dhruv ko finally outlet mila hai.

but in vain. kabir just hauled him away like:

valiant chachi trying to attack but lmaoooooooo, pooja's like "pls stop yelling; heart attack TYPES (complete with shoulder shimmy action) aa gaya toh ab doctor bhaaga bhaaga nahi aayega."

and also adds that chachi is very irritating and she doesn't know how she tolerated her for all this while. saalon ki bhadaas nikaal rahi hai, lol.

lol pls note how kabir is mad, but not disagreeing or stopping her from saying any of it.

lo bhai ab sabke saamne hogi inki tashanbaazi.

sikke dene ke bahaane haath is taraah kyun chua be????

"aapke chashm-o-chiraag, aapke secret agent, mr. kabir mittal ko maine apne yahaan naukri dene ka mann bana liya."

dhruv is like i did not know that was an option, or i too would have applied.

ohoho kyaaaaaa hi swag. just fuck and get it over with man.

lol mummy legit said "tum jaati ho ya main sach much ke pagalpann pe utar aaoon??"

kabir's like mom pls stop cockblocking can't you see we're doing foreplay here???? in any case, yes babe, i'm down to get dirty with you. in more ways than one.

i was on his side for this battle until he said "hum tehre paidaaishi rayeez" and now instantly i want to kill him too.

pooja sharma really living up to her namesake and giving appropriate response.

ugh. both of you suck. (BUT ALSO THEY ALWAYS LOOK SO TURNED ON AFTER TUSSLING WITH EACH OTHER???? Y’ALL NEED TO STOP WITH THIS SHIT.)

sab kabir ke oopar toot pad rahein hai. let the guy eat, unlike the rest of you, he's the only one who's done some shit today.

dhruv is probably like ‘i don't like how those two had more sexual tension in front of all of us in these 3 min than i had with her in our bedroom for over a year.’

elevator music playing in kabir's head as everyone yells around him.

HEY! NOT THE MITHAIS! THERE'S LIKE ONE BOX PER PERSON, WHAT THE FUCK, THAT COULD HAVE BEEN DESSERT FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.

oh boy, this is turning awkward. esp. with the reminder that pooja was his biwi. kabir pls keep that in mind and stay tf away from your pseudo-bhaabi.

apparently this is ~THE ONLY JOB HE COULD GET WITHOUT HIS CERTIFICATES~~~~~ areeeeeeeee you fucking kidding me???? 1. you already HAVE a job. which for some godforsaken reason you're determined not to do. 2. pls. you have like 5, 6 years of work experience. that counts more on the resume than any certificates. fuck outta here with this bs. just tell the truth: you wanna play these games with her, coz life mein aur kuch nahi bacha karne ko.

very pointed taunt on how will i handle your new sharaab waale kharche if i don't work, bitch, since you seem to show noooooooooo inclination to go to work yourself.  

dhruv at least has the decency to look embarrassed.

lmao after saying all that, kabir is like "main tumhe taunt nahi kar raha hoon." lol, sure.

he's asking everyone if they have any other brilliant 1.6 lpm jobs lined up for him that he can waltz into.

dadaji is like "tu theek nahi kar raha hai." this asshole only has objections, never solutions. chal na buddhe.

bir, out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

daily sar pe haath rakhne ka quota has been filled.

i'm telling you bro, still not too late; go get your wife and kid and disappear into the hills somewhere.

mummy is like ........ why bro. honestly why?

ispe na jaane kaunsa bhoot sawaar hai badla lene ka. shaayad apne haraami baap ka.

also he fully admitted that job toh kahin bhi mil sakti thi, but he chose to work in her company. glad that’s cleared up in canon itself.

idhar amma is like y u lyk dis, you horrible child?????

um excuse me, tumhaari haraami family NE HI sab kuch bigaada hai uska. do you not know the whole story, or are you just closing your eyes to it??????

and this mummy, why isn’t she fessing up to what she really did???? sab ke sab haraami log.

kabir: main uske aas paas rehna chahta hoon. amma: maine kaha tha kabir ko khud se door rakh. pooja: main khud chahti hoon ke kabir mere aas paas rahe. amma: tu bohut bada khatra mol le rahi hai.

this is one fuckall petty hate story that's being made to sound like a mighty star-crossed love story. thanks, no thanks.

lord, just give up, moms. your kids are being fueled by the power of petty and not going to listen to you ppl and your logic and reason.

idgaf about these two's passionate promises to make each other's lives miserable. you know whose life you're making miserable with this bullshit? mineeeee, you fuckers.

haaaaaaaaye raja beta looks so good in white shirt. this right here is my kryptoniteeeeee. fuck my nonsense heterosexuality.

cute exasperation but mummy pays no heed. and has a mauli for him too.

"aapko border pe hona chahiye tha. yeh aarti karke dhaage baandhogi toh kisi ko kuch hoga nahi."

fuck outta here you cute fuck i don't want to like you.

mom's like as far as i’m concerned, you're going to the border only. meaning pooja sharma is considered more dangerous than full fledged armies/terrorists. lol good. fear her.

"arre waah ghar ki doodharu gai ki aarti ho rahi hai."

lmao man i am really liking sassy dhruv. he has so much more personality now.

passive aggressive back and forth, but honestly, i am enjoying. what even is happening to this show when i like dhruv's sada hua personality more than pooja/kabir? absolute pandemonium, that's what.

"is sab ka hisaab degi pooja sharma." hey man, fuck outta here. your brother was a loser even before she did all this. don't put this on her.

amma is cutely fussing over pooja eating breakfast.

hein? who has raj bhog for breakfast? and chocolate cake too?

a bitch with zero fucks to give, like rani, apparently. salaam to her fearless appetite.

the only time i like pooja now is when she shows her vulnerable/loving human side, that the old her used to exhibit only to amma/rani/shail/aarush.

btw, i like this outfit/makeup muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh better, but ouff that ghatiya mismatch of a neck piece. why?????

———————————————————————

precap: same shit, different day. how long are we going to have to put up with this??????