#so fandom shipping culture has simply made it worse

[maekarlargenaturals]

Do you not like Dany?

No, I love book dany’s writing lmao. I just think she’s a litmus test for white women in fandom on if they’re literate and know how to handle themes of white saviorism, good deeds vs good intentions, and if they can handle non white characters pushing back against their favorite white woman. Which is to say, I love book Dany’s writing, and I hate 99.99% of Dany stans. Being a brown teenage girl in this fandom, and now as a brown woman in this fandom, has harshly shaped my view for the fandom treatment and stan culture of certain characters in the mainline books. I do hate show Dany because D&D fundamentally did not understand her, and neither did Emilia Clarke. Great casting, horrible takes on her character being a hashtag slay cunty girlboss, horrible execution of the mereen plotline.

[lurkingteapot]

Every now and then I think about how subtitles (or dubs), and thus translation choices, shape our perception of the media we consume. It's so interesting. I'd wager anyone who speaks two (or more) languages knows the feeling of "yeah, that's what it literally translates to, but that's not what it means" or has answered a question like "how do you say _____ in (language)?" with "you don't, it's just … not a thing, we don't say that."

I've had my fair share of "[SHIP] are [married/soulmates/fated/FANCY TERM], it's text!" "[CHARACTER A] calls [CHARACTER B] [ENDEARMENT/NICKNAME], it's text!" and every time. Every time I'm just like. Do they though. Is it though. And a lot of the time, this means seeking out alternative translations, or translation meta from fluent or native speakers, or sometimes from language learners of the language the piece of media is originally in.

Why does it matter? Maybe it doesn't. To lots of people, it doesn't. People have different interests and priorities in fiction and the way they interact with it. It's great. It matters to me because back in the early 2000s, I had dial-up internet. Video or audio media that wasn't available through my local library very much wasn't available, but fanfiction was. So I started to read English language Gundam Wing fanfic before I ever had a chance to watch the show. When I did get around to watching Gundam Wing, it was the original Japanese dub. Some of the characters were almost unrecognisable to me, and first I doubted my Japanese language ability, then, after checking some bits with friends, I wondered why even my favourite writers, writers I knew to be consistent in other things, had made these characters seem so different … until I had the chance to watch the US-English dub a few years later. Going by that adaptation, the characterisation from all those stories suddenly made a lot more sense. And the thing is, that interpretation is also valid! They just took it a direction that was a larger leap for me to make.

Loose adaptations and very free translations have become less frequent since, or maybe my taste just hasn't led me their way, but the issue at the core is still a thing: Supernatural fandom got different nuances of endings for their show depending on the language they watched it in. CQL and MDZS fandom and the never-ending discussions about 知己 vs soulmate vs Other Options. A subset of VLD fans looking at a specific clip in all the different languages to see what was being said/implied in which dub, and how different translators interpreted the same English original line. The list is pretty much endless.

And that's … idk if it's fine, but it's what happens! A lot of the time, concepts -- expressed in language -- don't translate 1:1. The larger the cultural gap, the larger the gaps between the way concepts are expressed or understood also tend to be. Other times, there is a literal translation that works but isn't very idiomatic because there's a register mismatch or worse. And that's even before cultural assumptions come in. It's normal to have those. It's also important to remember that things like "thanks I hate it" as a sentiment of praise/affection, while the words translate literally quite easily, emphatically isn't easy to translate in the sense anglophone internet users the phrase.

Every translation is, at some level, a transformative work. Sometimes expressions or concepts or even single words simply don't have an exact equivalent in the target language and need to be interpreted at the translator's discretion, especially when going from a high-context/listener-responsible source language to a low-context/speaker-responsible target language (where high-context/listener responsible roughly means a large amount of contextual information can be omitted by the speaker because it's the listener's responsibility to infer it and ask for clarification if needed, and low-context/speaker-responsible roughly means a lot of information needs to be codified in speech, i.e. the speaker is responsible for providing sufficiently explicit context and will be blamed if it's lacking).

Is this a mouse or a rat? Guess based on context clues! High-context languages can and frequently do omit entire parts of speech that lower-context/speaker-responsible languages like English regard as essential, such as the grammatical subject of a sentence: the equivalent of "Go?" - "Go." does largely the same amount of heavy lifting as "is he/she/it/are you/they/we going?" - "yes, I am/he/she/it is/we/you/they are" in several listener-responsible languages, but tends to seem clumsy or incomplete in more speaker-responsible ones. This does NOT mean the listener-responsible language is clumsy. It's arguably more efficient! And reversely, saying "Are you going?" - "I am (going)" might seem unnecessarily convoluted and clumsy in a listener-responsible language. All depending on context.

This gets tricky both when the ambiguity of the missing subject of the sentence is clearly important (is speaker A asking "are you going" or "is she going"? wait until next chapter and find out!) AND when it's important that the translator assign an explicit subject in order for the sentence to make sense in the target language. For our example, depending on context, something like "are we all going?" - "yes" or "they going, too?" might work. Context!

As a consequence of this, sometimes, translation adds things – we gain things in translation, so to speak. Sometimes, it's because the target language needs the extra information (like the subject in the examples above), sometimes it's because the target language actually differentiates between mouse and rat even though the source language doesn't. However, because in most cases translators don't have access to the original authors, or even the original authors' agencies to ask for clarification (and in most cases wouldn't get paid for the time to put in this extra work even if they did), this kind of addition is almost always an interpretation. Sometimes made with a lot of certainty, sometimes it's more of a "fuck it, I've got to put something and hope it doesn't get proven wrong next episode/chapter/ten seasons down" (especially fun when you're working on a series that's in progress).

For the vast majority of cases, several translations are valid. Some may be more far-fetched than others, and there'll always be subjectivity to whether something was translated effectively, what "effectively" even means …

ANYWAY. I think my point is … how interesting, how cool is it that engaging with media in multiple languages will always yield multiple, often equally valid but just sliiiiightly different versions of that piece of media? And that I'd love more conversations about how, the second we (as folks who don't speak the material's original language) start picking the subtitle or dub wording apart for meta, we're basically working from a secondary source, and if we're doing due diligence, to which extent do we need to check there's nothing substantial being (literally) lost -- or added! -- in translation?

[lala056]

Exhausting

I have no respect for billford shippers that look down on stancest shippers.

Oh what, you’d have me believe a genetic tie to a partner is somehow worse than being with someone that stabs through your hands, forces you to swallow live spiders, and also SA’s you by having yourself forcibly strip down in public and swing your clothes over your head like a helicopter? (sorry but anyone that forcibly removes your clothes and exposes your body, even if you’re a guy/lacking breasts and it’s just your chest, is committing SA against you. They’re exposing your body against your will plain and simple. Try to write that off how you like but that’s the facts)

The logic behind this baffles me honestly.

There’s a reason Alex titled that kissing drawing as "the worst drawing in the world" and then linked to an amazon BIBLE page (yeah I know that was part of a joke well guess what he frequently uses the bible joke for shipping in general so yeah).

Because he knows it’s BAD, TOXIC, PROBLEMATIC AS YOU GUYS LIKE TO LABEL THINGS. What I see people incorrectly accuse PROSHIPPERS to REPRESENT rather than the actual representation of the LIVE AND LET LIVE CREDO OF SHIPPING.

Ever stop to consider that maybe Alex didn’t do stancest or art involving Wendy/Dipper because he simply a) didn’t like those ships, which is valid since everyone has their own tastes, and he did base some of these characters on his own family so it’s close to home for him, or b) knows how toxic and chronically online a lot of haters are? That he wanted to avoid drama for this stream that he’s trying to milk every cent out of for CHARITY? (It's ridiculous how many times he felt obligated to say "REMEMBER IT'S FOR CHARITY" when shipping came up just to try and prevent any meltdowns from uptight fans and viewers. And even then he still didn't do some because he knew the fact of it being for charity still wouldn't fly for some- because a lot of people would rather watch REAL PEOPLE SUFFER to preserve their fictional sensitivities)

Not to mention he still works with Disney (chibiverse hello), any backlash (the form of false pedo accusations or incest apologist accusations being what happens to be thrown around all willy nilly nowadays over fictional bullshit) could get him blocked not only from working with the company ever again, but lose any input he might have over his beloved passion project and baby Gravity Falls itself?

This is a man who has said COUNTLESSLY that he doesn’t care about ships, has even encouraged people to "be weirder" and made omelet hypotheticals for how much HE DOESN’T CARE BECAUSE FICTIONAL SHIPS DON’T MATTER.

Alex Hirsch is a KING.

And it’s sad to see that so many of his loyal subjets are so bigoted and blind to ignore his own feelings in order to justify their own, or to somehow perform the mental gymnastics in order to absolve themselves of "thought crimes" so that they can feel like they aren’t bad people under the imposition of conservative purity culture.

The terms "cest" and "age" are trigger words now. If those show up in any form, pitchforks come out and roofs get burned. Companies overreact and overcompensate. He said Disney people were watching, so of course he’s gonna say and act in what is deemed an appropriate manner because even companies apparently prefer abusive relationships to ones that have a blood tie even if blood ties are wholesomely depicted.

The age old double standards.

And don’t get me started on bringing up Dipper Goes To Taco Bell. Alex and cast know of that story, they’ve made references to it in a video game and such, immortalized it. They engage with all corners of their fandom, also shown by Jason’s "saving the town" reference on stream.

Another thing, anyone notice how they laughed off the Dipper and Wendy suggestion Jason made, rather than exploded? BECAUSE THEY DON'T CARE IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS - and most likely turned them down because they know there's more drama about characters being aged up and crap so it wouldn't have mattered if they're adults now, there are people who will always see them as "kids".

Point is - If there was such a strong hate on Alex’s part about the darker side of fiction or taboos he’d do all in his power to make sure they were never mentioned again and be active against them. 

He’s a kind, caring man that obviously likes to just get along with people, but he does put his foot down when he feels something is awful. He’s made political posts about presidents he feels are corrupt and spoken out against social injustice. You honestly think he wouldn’t speak out about those taboo ships in frank language if he thought that they shouldn’t exist and that the people who create for them are awful?

Newsflash, he would. Yes, he’d isolate a sadly small part of his fanbase, but he’s shown time and again he doesn’t care about being liked. He cares about what’s right.

And abusing others over which made up character kisses who, isn’t.

If you’re someone that mislabels proshippers too, to mean "problematic shippers", then as a billford shipper you’re one by definition. And yes, I'm including you AU billford shippers too because there is always some degree of toxicity.

Knock the hate and abuse off. People that go off about why their ship is justified and another isn't are the reason people leave fandoms and leave amazing works often unfinished, even Gen writers and artists.

[wandering-tides]

TNE Fandom where are you?

Sujin shippers where are you?

I have Fics to Rec

I don't really go out of my way to rec fics (and I dunno why I have never done this before on tumblr), but BY GOD, have these two fics taken a special place in my heart.

I ADORE everything about them.

They are both Suho x Hajin ships

But the ship aside, I am so incredibly grateful for the authors to have brought them to life and allowed us to read these absolute GEMS of a fic in this little, little fandom of The Novel's Extra.

Really, y'guys have no idea how giddy and excited I get at every update.

Now, the fic in question?

1. Flowers of Agápē by DescendedGaia (Not sure if the author has a tumblr or any other social media... but lemme know if you want me to tag you :) )

Kim Hajin is a failure. There's no two ways to look at that objective truth. It's a truth that resonates through how others look at and ridicule him. It's a truth that echoes infinitely inside his head, compounding and doubling down on his inadequacies. It's a truth, despite the unconditional love of two parents that soothe but cannot dispel those haunting doubts. Kim Suho is simply perfection. The desperate vessel and ideal of Hajin's "ifs" and wishes. Because Kim Suho, the protagonist of Hajin's novel, is everything Hajin wants to be for his parents and more. But, that same story falls apart at the seams the same way Hajin has lost faith in himself. Yet, as the common narrative dictates, everything begins anew with an innocuous email requesting to remake Hajin's novel, his desperation and desire incarnate.

*** Alternatively, the extremes of Korean culture break Kim Hajin into someone who feels much more acutely, and everything shifts to the left.

This is such a MASTERPIECE. Hajin's characterisation in here is just *chefs kiss*. For me, thats one of the biggest plus points in this fic. Hajin is so much more emotionally sensitive in here and feels far more acutely than in the orignal, as should have been.

This fic has been adressing almost all the points that made me frown at or dislike in the orignal novel and manhwa (and from what I can notice, almost every one too).

This fic is kinda a rewrite of the orignal novel, (tho the author follows the manhwa flow of the story) with added Suho interactions, and such good characterization of Hajin, I fell in love at first read LMAO.

So far, there aren't any major spoilers (unless you read the author end note, where they give their own tid-bits of the chap, which sometimes contain spoilers too, or go to the comment section which may sometimes give you spoilers to the novel lol) If you are caught up with the manhwa, or atleast the season 1 of manhwa, then so far there won't be any spoilers for you!

And I think i'll stop talking about it here cuz if I keep going, I think i'll end up giving in-fic spoilers Lmao

(Oh, btw, this updates every other thursday! So far, it's been consistent in its updates ^^)

So onto the next fic!

2. Mountain To No one by @thek1ngtalks (as k1ng0fn0b0dy on ao3)

There's a number on his smartwatch that leads to nowhere. Suho's gotten in the habit of texting it throughout his day. Today, it texted back.

_ Or, in a world missing Kim Hajin, everyone is worse off. Fixing this starts with (a lot of) text messages between a protagonist and his missing piece.

And Man.... where do I begin? I have SO MUCH to say about this fic but I think i'll end up spoiling the whole fic if I start lmao. It's just so good dammit. Just gonna say that this fic takes after the end of the novel, after the conclusion. Only couple few remembers Hajin in the orignl right? Well, in this fic, nobody does. But Suho is probably (???) Going to be the first to remember... I dunno tbh, the fic is only 2 chaps in (and yes, I really adore it already)

I love what the author did with Suhos character and how he is dealing with the aftermath of... everything. Same goes for Hajin, and I love where they seems to be taking this fic. How they characterizes these two main characters and everything.

Listen, I have a LOT to say but i'll just end up giving spoilers so really go read it for yourself. This is another MASTERPIECE of a fic and I am so grateful for its presence in this little TNE fandom TT

Really, thankyou for such amazing fics authors!!

And that's all from me!! Lol I was so excited while writing this XD (could you tell? Lol)

(I edited this post twice because of all the typos I ended up making in excitement LMAO)

[straycalamities]

old aromantic man yells at cloud under cut AUGH

maybe its the aro, but i also genuinely think its not only aros that yearn to have a significant relationship with a "best friend" that goes into the "gray area of romance"

i quote that because it literally doesnt all have to be seen as romantic is the thing and i think people deep down understand this on some level and yearn for it

i think the only thing i truly dislike overall from romo-shipping culture (other than omegaverse existing. rage. hatred.) is that it kinda devours people just being besties or just being so signifcant to each other in a non-romantic way. but then everyone's turning to hyping up "familial" relationships made it even worse. cuz now it's like oh they're non-romantic? oohhh they must be siblings...or parent/child...

like no what if people were just friends and that was also seen as significant. or enemies. or foils. or even coworkers. and all of that be seen as significant for what it is

i feel like this is especially true in fandoms into real life ppl/celebrities/influencers/etc. i feel like that's where it actually starts to become a big frustrating problem

fiction is something else because you can simply change the rules if you want, in your head, with headcanons, but you cant (or at least you really shouldnt and im judging you if you do) headcanon real people. if they say otherwise about this, or shipping, or whatever then ok thats their prerogative, BUT then ppl take one guy (gnc) saying this to mean they have permission for every guy (gnc) and it's like ok idc if people have been doing this with real living persons for centuries, we've been doing all kindsa other jacked up shit to each other for millennia am i supposed to suddenly be okay with that too because it's always been done? 😭 idk i dont mean for this to be all about how i dont support RPF and how parasocializing and celebrity worship has fucked over everyone's brains and warped them into dehumanizing people as normal even more than all of us being so online in general has and finding every buzzword that sounds like justification they can to okay it

but it is kinda linked to my point. i dont mean this in the whole "men are scared to be best friends for fear of being seen as Gay" i mean it as "a whole shitload of people are redirecting deep non-romantic relationships into just feeding the alloromantic normativity machine and my little aro ass is getting kinda tired of it"

i mean it in "everyone keeps trying to put relationships into neat little labeled boxes that have these hard and rigid rules to them and my loves-to-appreciate-the-depth-and-variety-of-human-emotions-and-relationships" ass is even more tired of this than the other thing

even in MY shipping. yes i say "shipping" yes i draw charas kissing, hugging, dating, intimacy. but i dont always mean romantically. because i remember the era when shipping could be whatever. it just meant you liked that those characters were significant to each other. and now it's become only one kinda thing (maybe two if youre differentiating between sexual and romantic shipping or a mix of the two)

and now i wish there was a word just for what i mean 😓 (and other ppl like me) that was just...yes i like these two (or more) charas together and idc what flavor of what it is theyre doing i enjoy it. and i wish that it could also not be seen as meaning less or just being lesser than romantic shipping

IM SO TIRED OF ROMANCE OUTWEIGHING AND EVEN OVERSHADOWING EVERY OTHER RELATIONSHIP PLEASE AND IM TIRED OF THE ONLY OTHER OPTION BEING NUCLEAR FAMILY DYNAMICS

i remember when "found family" didnt mean literal Mom Dad Son Daughter shit sighs

i also just think that if we saw friendships and best-friendships as more significant it'd also help with how so many people feel so damn lonely all the time just because they're "single" or whatever. it'd also mean less ppl jump into harmful romantic relationships, ignoring all red flags, just because it means they have a relationship

if they're getting social, inter-personal fulfillment outside a romantic relationship and it's treated as significant as that is. because it IS. think about your best friend, and the relationship yall have. or past best friends. its amazing! its deep! its meaningful!

think about even just your friends even if yall arent super close and how you still smile if you meet up or see them come online or get a text from them. or that coworker at your job that you probably wouldnt hang out with outside of work but they still make your shift less torture. IDK

look at the beauty and variety of your connections with other humans and how a lot of them you dont even have a term or name for. it's just. significant.

the stranger that smiled genuinely at you when you held the door open for them while you were having the worst day of your life and, for a moment, the world wasnt so bad

you'll never see that person again, but you'll probably never forget it. and even if you forget their eyes or the color of their hair, you'll never forget how it made you feel.

that's what i'm talking about. and i feel like you shouldn't have to be an aromantic person to appreciate that kinda stuff and the world would be sooo much better for it. what if we just fuckin appreciated our fellow man yknow????? especially when all the evil powers that be in the world are trying to make us turn on each other and eat each other alive so they dont have to do as much work

[aristaspark]

You're like, the greatest Kenlynn shipper I know. You have any idea of why do Darius love Brooklynn if they're not going to be canon? That kind of plot is very common and Kenlynn already break up. So why? I know Brooklynn didn't wanted their relationship to end, but I don't see how they will keep going... You said something like "Darius learning how to deal with rejection is a mature theme they would bring here". But Kenji learning to let go wouldn't be a mature theme too? Or Kenlynn realizing it can't work is also a mature theme...

Hello, well, first things first thanks for the compliment 😭 (?)

So to adress your point, me saying that Darius's arc being about dealing with rejection (and his guilt) makes for a compelling storyline doesn't mean that I think the same can't be said for Kenji and Brooklynn.

That's why I wasn't even mad when they introduced the storyline in season one, because it was believable that Darius could fall in love with her and it was very in character for Brooklynn to be obsessed with an investigation to the point where she neglected Kenji, it made sense and was simply very good writing. So, yeah, coming into season 2 I was sure they were going to take the "kenji/brooklynn both realize they could never work" route and shove dinostar down our throats to build them up, because looking at the story as a media with a fandom, that was what seemed more likely.

But then there was the promotional material in which Brooklynn only wrote to Kenji, which made me really doubt my conviction. And then season 2.

I think I already listed pretty much everything that suggested, at least to me, that the writers were going for Kenlynn, or AT LEAST that dinostar would remain platonic.

I wouldn't have been mad if they had made dinostar canon (still possible), it was kind of expected since they had Darius fall in love with her. But season 2 suggests it's not the direction they're heading towards (according to me at least) and honestly, I'm glad.

I'm happy because they really stepped up the writing and character conflicts since jwcc, and to me having Brooklynn reciprocate his feelings would be REALLY questionnable writing at best and straight up fanservice at worse.

In universe Brooklynn has been with Kenji for 6 years. They have being a couple for far longer than they have ever been friends. And it was Kenji who broke up. And you want me to believe she would fall for her a guy she has always seen as her best friend only a week after her break up? 😭 Mind you, a best friend she only visited because she was still obsessed with her investigation, not because she wanted to see him (proof she was like that with everyone, her relationship with Kenji wasn't the problem, it was her).

My take on Darius's arc was basically me trying to understand where they were taking his character, why they had introduced this storyline in the first place if it wasn't gonna go "anywhere" as everyone puts it.

But that's the point, we're so obsessed with shipping that we basically forget that it's not all that makes a story, and IT SHOULDN'T BE.

Darius having this arc wouldn't have been in vain even if he doesn't end up with Brooklynn. It gave him his entire arc in season 1, with him being filled with grief and guilt over her death, and it also gave him his conflict with Kenji. It made his character compelling, relatable, interesting. Like, shipping isn't all that matters, whether they end up together or not it's such a compelling story, so why would they refrain for telling it simply because of fandom culture? And to me it's just a testament of how better the writing has gotten since jwcc. The characters no longer have one dimensional relationships/conflicts with each other but have real conflicts/problematics. I'm not only speaking in terms of shipping, but also other storylines. Sammy not speaking to her family, her and yaz struggling with their long-distance relationship, Ben's paranoia, Kenji loosing two of the two most important people in his life back to back, having a death wish, Brooklynn loosing a limb, being cut from all the people she loves for months...

It's clear the writers are putting the characters in very uncomfortable situations, like, death wish and the loss of a limb, please ???

So why would Darius be any different? Why would they refrain from tackling the subject of unrequited love, of messy feelings and confusing friendship with love?

I think that what I'm trying to say is that it's a mistake to look at jwct the same as jwcc/as a kids show cattering to the fans. They're clearly not writing storylines to please the fans, but want to tackle very real subjects, and treat their characters as real people and I respect them so much for that.

I'm gonna stop here because I feel like I'm repeating myself (which I totally am, I'm sure I already wrote that in my endless ramblings). Sorry if I got carried away 😂

And (because I feel like I need to say it) I could be TOTALLY wrong. I'm only making theories on my account, I don't know sh*t except from what's in the show, so it's totally possible dinostar will end up together making me look like a clown 😂

[mdhwrites]

The Isles is Particularly Awful for Sequel/Next Gen Stories

With Belos gone, the Isles loses literally the only thing that makes it unique from any generic fantasy setting out there: The Coven System. Worse yet is how much the show tries to blame every bad thing on the Isles on Belos and his collaborators, portraying pre-Belos as utopian, so now that he's gone, you have to retcon that part of the show to have ANY real threats.

That's really the main thrust of this. I could expand but the basic point is that there's just nothing to do with the Isles that's better than doing it during Belos' reign. You could explore the Isles but now you're just messing with monsters in their ecosystem who were never a real threat in the show. You could try to depict the reconstruction but there's no tension between people of the Isles, just a need to rebuild. Besides, how do you even portray that when the Isles has zero culture so there's nothing to explore in how they are besides how they feel about Belos falling which is seen as a positive by EVERYONE if the group shot at the end, where even old enemies are now on Luz's side, is any indication.

Really, the only thing about the Isles that is still intact in a way that makes for interesting storytelling AT ALL is Hexside and pretty much just because it's a generic fantasy school that you can do whatever you want with. Which... Yeah, that's pretty much all I've seen. Despite the fact that the fandom immediately went for fankids after the finale, no one seems to have anything to do with them besides throwing out concepts and shipping. Or, you know, recycling old plot lines but with the new cast, committing the cardinal sin of next gen stories of just having an excuse to reset and retell. *glares at Boruto*

But what else are you supposed to do? Unless you want to say Eda and Raine failed in reforming the Isles, you have no conflict there. You either have to bring back old villains, bring in an invading force, both... Or change things so drastically that I question why you're not just doing an original story since you're having to put in that much work anyways.

I guess MAYBE you could do the Isles integrating with humans but like... The show made it clear that that's not a hard process either direction. And why should it be? The Isles is so generic as to barely feel like the other world that it is instead of just our world but with elves.

Even Amphibia, which ends similarly happy, still gives people more to do simply by the fact that it explored its setting. There's still so much out there. The three races still have to figure out how to coexist. Andrias wasn't a toxic power structure, he was THE power structure and the entire world has to recover from an incredible ecological disaster instead of just a glitter bomb.

So yeah, good on those who are having fun with their fan kids but I'll just continue to hope they don't try to continue TOH, not when they left themselves nowhere to go.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[sssssaarn]

Hi there! Today is day 10/11 (I missed a day so I'm trying to catch up)!

First post, tag on blog.

General #2: 10. Kintype(s): Common misconceptions

I've already talked a bit at length about the giant misconceptions surrounding 'alpha' wolves, and how I absolutely hate the trope in all its forms. So, for the sake of not repeating myself, I'll simply skip over that misconception.

Another very common misconception is one I see with crows; that being, that crows 'like' or prefer shiny objects. This is just… Untrue. Yes, crows are quite varied personality-wise just like humans are, and so of course there may be some specific crows that do prefer shiny objects… But there's just as much of a chance of crows absolutely hating shiny objects. It depends on the crow!

Saarn, as well as the nälkä religion as a whole… Have a massive amount of misconceptions, even on the official SCP website itself! Probably the most glaringly painful and incorrect if you do one minute of research yet is still somehow wide-spread misconception I can think of is that the nälkä are Yaldabaoth worshippers… Ignoring the fact that we literally want to kill Yaldabaoth, are we also just completely forgetting Ion here? Ion is closer to being the 'worshipped deity' of the nälkä religion than Yaldabaoth ever was.

General #1: 11. If you’re out, talk about the most accepting person you’ve come out to. If you’re not out, talk about what you would hope a coming out experience would be like.

Funny enough, I just 'came out' to one of my moms about being fictionkin today. I didn't use the exact same language/wording (for example, I didn't just say 'I am fictionkin of Klavigar Saarn' because I knew she likely wouldn't even know what fictionkin are or who Saarn is), I more or less used similar concepts that she already knew to explain myself. Since she is already a very spiritual person, she didn't even question it, and even encouraged me to talk about my source. She even listened to the possibility that I might've been Saarn multiple times over. I feel like it was pretty close to what I would want a coming out experience like that to be.

General #2: 11. Community: Online

I am… A bit conflicted by the current state of the online otherkin community.

On one hand, there are definitely some enjoyable beings I've met here! On the other, I do feel that, the Tumblr community especially, has become less carefree? As in, there is a certain tense atmosphere around worrying if what you say is 'wrong', especially from newer/younger members. I can unfortunately completely understand this feeling, speaking from personal experience I can tell how it is choking out the creativity from newer/younger folks.

I recently read 'The Dragonheart Collective's Testimony on the KFF Phenomenon', and as I mentioned in a small ramble post of mine, I feel like the combination of the rise of KFF and cringe culture certainly has not helped the atmosphere of the community. And thus why I also think why so many fictionkin prefer to share their experiences on 'kinfession' blogs, because it's safer and easier.

I wasn't actually around in the community during the period of either KFF or cringe culture, but I was heavily into cringe culture in self-shipping (AKA 'Sans fangirls') and fandom spaces, and I can certainly tell you that both self-shipping and fandom communities have decidedly gotten worse (TikTok also didn't help, but that came far later). This could, as always, be nostalgia putting rose-tinted glasses on for me, but I always remember fandoms before cringe culture being more out-going, more free, and definitely more cringe. All of this made them more fun.

But after cringe culture, I remember how fandoms seem to go… Quiet? In a way? Basically, people are afraid of interacting with each other now, everyone is keeping each other at arm's length.

All's this to say, the 'quieting' of fandom spaces is reminding me of the 'quiet' of current alterhuman spaces, and it makes me very sad.

[hfbinks]

Fandom 101

— How to start out

Be positive

Speak & comment on what you like! You'll attract others with the same interests and makes it so much easier to squee about your favourites

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Don't like, don't look

If you see something you don't like, ignore it, mute it, block it! Interactions will bring you more of the things you don't like. Due to the algorithms working in the background of most social media platforms, you'll get more stuff you don't like when you comment on it. (It's also incredibly rude on top of it)

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Don't use works without explicit permission/say it's yours

When someone says no to using their work, respect that and don't repost it. Apps like Instagram and tiktok made repost accounts popular, but basically, they're stealing art and taking away from the original creators.

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Respect other fandoms/cultures

Different languages use different lingo, other fandoms have different dynamics. One popular example would be "cp" in Eastern fandoms, the abbreviation means "character pairing" and is often misunderstood by people from other areas.

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Be nice

We're all here for a good time, don't be an ass! We never know what's happening in someone else's life outside of fandom, so give people the benefit of the doubt, be kind, be gracious and just enjoy the little escape from reality.

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Ship & let ship

Preferences differ; if you don't like a ship/shipping in general, ignore/mute/block. People flock to fandom for different reasons and none of the reasons is better or worse than the next. There is no superiority to be won by ship wars.

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Don't use AI

AI uses stolen art as database. Don't do it. There are essays by people a whole lot smarter than me about this topic and why AI is bad. If you love your artists and writers, don't use it to "make your own" or finish a fic that hasn't been updated in a while.

(I'm happy to help find reading material if needed!)

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Interacting with Artists & Writers

Tell them what you liked, be positive & don't ask for updates! First of all, we're all humans, so please don't treat us like faceless companies, existing to spew endless supplies of fan works. Second, as fans we like to scream and cry about our faves, so if you like something, feel free to say so! A wonderful conversation could bloom from that.

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Dark Content

If that's not your cup of tea, that's fine! Don't harass people who enjoy it though! Dark content, dead dove, etc. has nothing to do with someone's morals or their character. And nobody has to justify their interest or disinterest!

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Find your crowd. And most important: be nice & have fun!

In the end of the day, you'll meet a many wonderful people in fandom and people you don't click with, but that's okay! Find your niche you feel most comfortable in and simply enjoy fandom!

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Feel free to save & share this graphic and post! This is far from complete but hopefully makes it easier to get to know fandom etiquette when you're new 💚🥕

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I also wrote a handy guide on how to comment on AO3 when you're new or have absolutely no idea what to talk about: How to comment

[galadhremmin]

We have derived Caranthir liking the Dwarves (and vice versa) because apparently, Finrod succeeds in every field Caranthir fails, and at this point it's clear this derives from the in-universe writer of the Silm and his own biases. Think about it: "Dark Finwë" , a grumpy, prejudiced lordling, and "Hair Champion", most handsome, noble king, have met with the same people!! Yet the king of the first secret kingdom is everyone's friend, but the prince that trades with them regularly is not... seems sus.

Hence, Caranthir is friends with the Dwarves. (But that is just an interpretation, so you're free to think what you wish, I just have several opinions on in-universe prejudice and the almighty narrative.)

I think that 'we' might actually have been Dawn Felagund years ago. Maybe this reading existed even before that, but I doubt that-- she's been very influential in silm fandom and was long before tumblr was much of a thing. https://dawnfelagund.com/caranthir-the-slandered

I wouldn't say it's 'clear' that what amounts to Caranthir's entire documented personality derives from the bias of the in-universe narrator, though as you can see from Dawn's writing it's a reading you can argue for. There are a number of different approaches you can take to the Silm and its biases anyway. One of the few times when it's absolutely clear the text isn't telling the entire story is when it talks about the Easterlings. I've posted about this before but the recorded names are, uhh.... the ones to betray the elves are unlikely to actually have been named things like 'ugly lord' and 'ugly beard.' 'Dark Finwe' on the other hand is a documented reference to his haircolour being dark like Finwe's own; hardly a negative judgement!

I personally think Caranthir can be exactly as ill-tempered and prejudiced as the Silm paints him without becoming an unsympathetic character. If a writer cannot make a moody, deeply prejudiced man an interesting character that is a failure as a writer; there are after all enough books who manage exactly that. That is not to say choosing not to write him that way is a failure (obviously not), but it's not necessary in order to make a reader feel for him at all.

Just going by the text, I think it actually might make for a more interesting narrative to explore in fic to me. Because he does change his mind about something, and at a very specific moment; when he meets the Haladin. That is much less dramatic if he secretly been as nice and popular as Finrod, and got along with everyone all the time already. He's been raised by Fëanor, who said things like 'No other race shall oust us!' and rallied the Noldor not motivated enough by vengeance for Finwë alone by playing on their deep-seated fear of being replaced by the Secondborn. Very unlikely that had no impact. At best it has made him uninterested in humans in his area (while they're not much of a threat to ruling instead of the elves anyway). The text says they paid them no heed.

And yet! Caranthir sees how brave Haleth and her people are. He 'does her great honour.' He changes his mind and offers them lands. His tragedy to me is not that of a slandered figure, but of this deeply, deeply prejudiced person raised to distrust the motivations of human beings -- who overcomes those beliefs, offers friendship, is rejected! then extends that same trust to the Easterlings anyway... and it's those specific Easterlings, not the ones who ally with his brothers-- who betray them all. And cause the disastrous ending of the Nirnaeth. It's the 'to evil end shall all things turn that they begin well' part of the curse hitting him in the least fair way possible. Someone finally changes for the better, and the outcome is treason and destruction.

That is a very good character arc to me, actually. His aesthetics-based scorn for the Dwarves is reprehensible but strikes me as deeply Elvish, and part of his prejudices. Naugrim is too unflattering a name for them for it not to be common. His temper-- well why can't he have one? Sure there's only one recorded instance -- but that's imo because there are hardly any conversations in the Silm! Anyway I like some people with tempers well enough. Personally I think people are missing out on opiniated grouches.

Obviously the biased anti-Feanorian Pengolodh reading is a nice one, and I have enjoyed a lot of stories written based it. But it's not at all a reading that is necessary for me to read Caranthir as a flawed but sympathetic character. He can have serious faults and still, ultimately, be someone I feel for.

What I was asking though was if I overlooked any canon evidence of Caranthir being particularly, personally fond of the Dwarves; and it seems I did not. Also; there is room for Caranthir growing to like the Dwarves over centuries without an anti-Feanorian bias reading this strong, there is simply no evidence for friendship in the rather barebones narrative (I'm not interested atm because it's wildly overdone to me & I like variety).

That said, in my opinion making Caranthir the hidden, slandered Feanorian Finrod equivalent with a dash of Curufin's Dwarf affection is not as enjoyable as simply working with what little canon character is actually there. Because there is one (and it's not the greedy tax collector of some fanon depictions either imo)

1. To start with, wrt Caranthir as the anti-Finrod, I don't think it works that well. Sure sure dark/light, open/prejudiced, repressed/shouty, but different motivations, different locations, plus they meet very different peoples even if both are Edain-- besides, Caranthir's own older brothers do successfully ally with the Easterlings without betrayal, while Curufin (much more so than Finrod! no Khuzdul for Finrod!) is the Dwarves' Friend(tm). Also, a flawed Finrod already exists. That's just the regular edition. He has his own faults and (very different) tragic arc.

If Finrod never seems to have strong prejudices to overcome, and if he's not confrontational (which... look he's a diplomat. Make of that what you will. Pretty awkward there in Doriath, buddy!) he does have trouble facing his own complicity (he wanted to sail those ships despite the murders) until Sauron beats him to death with it. He leaves Valinor with the idea of ruling but he has to give up the crown. He's ambitious, he seems emotionally repressed, he's.. possibly paying the greater Dwarves to drive the Petty Dwarves out of their ancestral home to build a city? Oops. Depending on the version you go with in that case, of course; there's also ones where he's free of the blame of that one. Not of wanting to sail those ships and being uneasy with the guilt wrt wanting to do so despite their being stolen and murdered for though. No he doesn't kill; but he wants to use the result of it anyway, and to make it worse he is actually half Telerin.

There's also (to be fair, only for sure after the disaster of the Sudden Flame because that's the recorded instance) his guards killing random innocent trespassers to keep his kingdom hidden -- yes, that's right there in Silm, yes he's still King at the time. Beren has to wave that ring. People just seem to miss that he'd be killed without it somehow.

I think it's just too easy to reduce him to the golden perfect opposite of Caranthir. Yes he's described more positively; he's also just mentioned more because unlike Caranthir he rules an actual kingdom, the greatest and richest in Beleriand in fact; and does things that have a lot of very longterm effects, like helping B&L steal a Silmaril. They don't 'meet the same people' anyway -- the Haladin have a different culture from the Beorians which contributes to their reaction to Caranthir (and iirc their later fate).

Sidenote: Dawn's essay attributes the Green Elves helping the Feanorians at Amon Ereb to Caranthir's diplomatic skills; but why not to those of Amras or Amrod? This is the quote; 'Caranthir fled and joined the remnant of his people to the scattered folk of the hunters, Amrod and Amras, and they retreated and passed Ramdal in the south. Upon Amon Ereb they maintained a watch and some strength of war, and they had aid of the Green-elves' -- nothing here indicates it was Caranthir who got them that aid. In fact A&A are the hunters, i.e. more likely to have roamed in various forests where they would have encountered Green Elves, imo.

There's also the very desperate times to consider in which this aid takes place. This is just post Sudden Flame, and even if the Green Elves didn't like Caranthir they probably liked him better than Morgoth. Also, speaking of cosmopolitans, Maedhros allies with, yes, Dwarves (Azaghal), Grey elves, Easterlings (and you might say: Fingolfinians); even part of the remaining people of Dorthonion rally to Himring post sudden flame (that means Edain and Arafinwean followers in Himring, at least for a time), and he manages to be friendly with Felagund despite calling him a badger. ;)

Finrod is not the only other leader to forge diverse alliances, and though B&L ends happily his people mostly do not. Caranthir's not much like Finrod in any way. Not in motivations, temperament, tragic arc. That's fine. No hidden kingdom for a dragon to eat either. Finrod could probably do with being a little less like Finrod sometimes, though he's well-intentioned and likable. Caranthir loves to shout and isn't sneaky. Good for him.

2. Curufin also already exists. His love for Dwarves is one of his defining and redeeming characteristics and boy does he need them. He's daddy's favourite, a sneaky overambitious bitchy bastard who is also a talented smith and linguist, and truly considered a Dwarf friend, which is apparently exceptional. He's quite flawed; tries to help Celegorm force a political marriage, laughs with a bruised mouth, seeming to lose his mind while attempting and failing murder after first losing his own stronghold and then the city he tried to take from his cousin. He's just... a personality. Mostly a bad one! You can feel for him though, because he seems like an utter mess. Many 'i would love to study you' feelings on my part. Would hate for him to be real but also I'd pay to be his therapist.

3. And then finally there's Canon Caranthir. A difficult, prejudiced person who despite that (which doesn't at all have to mean there is no despite, the despite is what makes it juicy)

- seems to be responsible for re-establishing (large scale?) trade with the Dwarves, whatever he might think of them (and they of him) to their mutual benefit. I don't think he's greedy either. It seems like a mutually profitable situation. Access to Dwarvish goods seems pretty vital to Beleriand, and facilitating trade is a real service.

As someone pointed out in the replies, the Silm does mention Dwarvish companies travelling east to Nan Elmoth and menegroth various times, but quote wrt Caranthir says 'Caranthir’s people came upon the Dwarves, who after the onslaught of Morgoth and the coming of the Noldor had ceased their traffic into Beleriand' and 'when the Dwarves began again to journey into Beleriand.'

They stopped at some point and Caranthir's people made it happen again.

- which means he's practical. He seems like he's good at organising, and setting his own feelings aside if necessary despite his prejudice and temper (which is an achievement it wouldn't be without his, hm, everything). Also he and his people as well as the Dwarves work together well because ''either people loved skill and were eager to learn,' despite their (initial?) mutual dislike. Those aren't bad characteristics; seems like it was an exchange of skill as well as goods and possibly providing safe travel opportunities.

I don't like the 'greedy Caranthir' fanon and don't think it is even that easy support entirely with canon. 'They had of it great profit,' the text says-- both Caranthir and the Dwarves. They exchanged skills and knowledge and Caranthir seems to have helped them start trading in Beleriand again. That's hardly Scrooge Mcduck.

- Another thing we can say about canonthir (lol) is that he apparently attaches a lot of value to aesthetics (was he a visual artist? is a he a sculptor like Nerdanel? WORSE: AN ART CRITIC?! Feanorian art critic is truly nightmare fuel) and that's why he dislikes Dwarves (of all things...). Either way points to 'aesthetics' as something apparently important to Caranthir. Which makes sense given who his parents are. What is interesting to me is that this apparently DOESN'T matter to Curufin, who is a lot like Feanor in most things. That's interesting!

I've never, never seen this but I think it would be very funny to attribute his aesthetic prejudices to Nerdanel. I love her; but why should her opinions be perfect? I know she wasn't considered beautiful herself, but she's an artist. She's got to have had some strong opinions on aesthetics anyway. I doubt it's the beards; Mahtan had one as well. And 'stunted'...at least some of this comes down to the Elvish obsession with height yet again. Hm.

- eventually Caranthir overcomes what have to be some very deeply held beliefs about human beings and their place in the world, and offers what for all intents and purposes looks like real friendship, not the ruling over Men Feanor seems to have had in mind at best. He's capable of real change!

Anyway his character works just fine to me from canon, and what he achieves and the ways in which he fails are more interesting that way rather-- neither slandered Feanorian Finrod 2.0 nor Curufin 'Dwarf Fan' Feanorion without the sneakiness and murder attempts pack the same punch as a stupidly prejudiced grouchy man doing his best anyway for centuries in this stupid ugly cursed land, eventually changing for the better, opening up-- and being brutally punished for it by the Doom.

Dammit. I hope there's therapy in the Everlasting Darkness.

hm a bit long but that's what I get for trying to gather my thoughts wrt why after considering it a bit transferring Curufin's love for Dwarves to Caranthir is a bit boring to me personally. Though there are still stories that still do it very well.

[amendments]

Pro vs Anti-shipping opinions from someone who is Neutral...and will get canceled on both sides anyway

It’s fair and 100% ok to deem ships that are problematic, “problematic”, and be uncomfortable with them...and maybe even try to discourage people from shipping them, but you absolutely do not have the right to act like an authoritarian little sh!t and dictate what people can and can’t do. Block and move on.

Proshippers can effectively draw/write/create whatever they want. This is the internet and no matter how much you whine and complain, the internet isn’t going to adopt a pro-censorship stance. However, if you create content for an obviously disgusting pair, you’re going to get criticism, and people are going to find you creepy. You will be judged, even if you’re using your ship as a coping mechanism. No one is free from it.

Criticism, suggestions, and expression of discomfort are NOT BULLYING. If someone doesn’t like your ship, too bad. However, if you’re blatantly telling someone to kay why ess, hurt themselves, giving them some type of violent threat, or are doxxing them, you’re a disgusting person and no better than the people who commit said actions you’re against.

If you’re a proshipper and bullying kids, you’re also apart of the problem. Be the bigger person and block/report.

No, not all proshippers are creeps, some are just people who are anti-censorship, sick of PC culture and ship said ships out of spite, and/or don’t actually like anything bad themselves.

No, not all antis are annoying harassers, stalkers, or minors, some are people who are genuinely concerned about the questionable work you put out or may expose to minors/victims. Also, the lack of restrictions of minors in NSFW spaces is...sus -_-

Yes, there are predators in proship spaces, but there are also predators in antiship spaces, and literally everywhere else on the internet. This isn’t a ship problem, it’s a fandom problem.

Antis who claim that neutral people are just as bad as proshippers, actually push us away. You aren’t making us want to side with you. In fact, you’re doing the opposite. Most people who are neutral/position-less are actually people who really don’t care. Why? Because ships and fandoms don’t engulf our lives, and we actually have more important things to worry about than bullsh!t that strangers online are fighting about.

No, not saying anything or having a position on a topic is not inherently condoning it, it’s just not involving yourself in the problem. -_- It’s hard to really speak about something that’s not on your radar.

No, literally nobody in real life cares, or will care, about this debate. Most people (surprise, surprise) don’t really care about fandoms in general. (Amazing I know). Frankly, I’ve seen people on both sides that are waaaay to invested in this discourse and need to go outside. If you are super passionate about literal internet discourse, go to the park and touch grass.

Antis who are minors, I can genuinely tell you, that no, bosses in the real world really don’t care about what their employees do as hobbies outside of work. If you actually tried to contact employers about NSFW art (of fictional characters) that an employee drew on their own free time, unless you give them actual evidence of them acting inappropriately towards real people, they will ignore you. It is only a concern if that person has actually expressed illegal behavior which could put actual people in danger. (BDSM art of All Might and Deku isn’t going to get someone fired).

Antis, yeah, people will find problematic ships gross, if you tell someone about them. But, unless they are actively involved in internet fandom culture, which the vast majority of people aren’t, they’ll completely forget about it 5 mins later.

Proshippers, no, people in real life don’t care about what you ship in your private life, but if you make your whole identity about your ship, or proshipping, people will think you’re a creep. You’re chronically online. Get a hobby outside of internet discourse.

I will unfollow problematic people, and people who have caused harm, but if you tag me because I’m following a proshipper, simply because they are a proshipper, and have not actually been a perve to real children, I’m not unfollowing them. And if you pester me about it, I will unfollow, block, and report YOU. Who I follow is my business, and I will not tolerate being harassed over Twitter drama. Buzz off.

I will also not unfollow someone who identifies as an anti, or simply criticized your ship if you do not give me evidence of them actually harassing people. I am allowed to have an opinion and engage with people who have similar disapproving opinions. Who I choose to interact with is my business alone.

I’m not un-tweeting a tweet just because a self proclaimed “proshipper” or “anti” tweeted it. Good art is good art, and good takes are good takes.

Some of you overuse the word “p£do” in references to ships. I don’t care how you view it, a ship between an adult and a minor that has a 2-3 year age gap is not p€dop1llic. This age gap is completely common among teenagers in real life, and you’re honestly sheltered if you think that’s automatically predatory. A 16 year old dating an 18 year old is a LOT less worse than a 20 year old dating a 30 year old, and the latter isn’t any less predatory or weird just because they’re both adults.

No, ships between two adults with a very large age gap, are technically not p€doph1llic, either. They may be predatory in nature, and you may perceive them as wrong and gross, but if it ain’t already illegal in real life, then it definitely ain’t on paper.

It doesn’t matter if she’s 1000 years old, we all know what the underlying intention of that character design is, buddy.

Speaking of underlying intentions, there’s a lot of unspoken racism and xenophobia rampant in anti-spaces...like more so than in pro-ship spaces. Racism is everywhere in fandoms, but white, western antishippers are...a particular breed...oozing with arrogance and ethnocentrism.

Thanks for reading my rambling novel if you made it to the end, this is just a venting post. I hate discourse.

[rantingcrocodile]

I'm glad that others also see some of the issues with m/m and f/f shippers. I was hesitant to mention it because I know some are just having fun and not bothering anyone and I don't think they should be harassed for simply enjoying a fictional ship. I also don't think it's inherently wrong to write erotica or NSFW, but pornified writing specifically is an issue in more fandoms now as girls and women are exposed to porn or pornified culture (this goes for m/f shippers too, not just m/m & f/f). 1/

I'd actually swap the last part around. I believe that more autoandrophiles have been created because of fanfiction, as opposed to autoandrophiles who latched onto fanfiction.

You have to bear in mind that it was really Tumblr fandom culture that created the explosion of new sexuality and gender labels to both defend and promote shipping.

It started with general fighting over which ships were the best, and then members of fandoms moved from "the canon says X and Y, not A and B, therefore my ship is right and my favourite character is right and you are wrong," to "actually, if you don't like my ship/favourite character, then you're a [bigot]," especially with accusations of homophobia.

That was then weaponised with, "I'm [label], therefore I'm more oppressed and know more than [other person without that same label]," which turned into one-upping over labels and political purity. It was also around the same time that defences came from critiques by using, "I'm literally a minor" or "I'm literally mentally ill," which created the rise in self-diagnosis, which then fuelled the "I'm trans" trend.

It was the perfect environment to create the social contagion that we see now, and it sounds ridiculous, but it's to blame for the rise in so much of what we see now. Pornification was made worse because of political purity culture, which lead towards "sex positivity," which meant "kinkshaming is abusive" and "kinks are a coping mechanism" and then more members of fandom were pushed towards writing more and more horrific kinds of erotica and... Tumblr fandom culture has a lot to answer for. It'll be studied in the future, mark my words.

[olderthannetfic]

I'm a Chinese, nationally and racially. Racial projection seems to be a common practice in western fandom, doesn't it? I find it a bit... weird to witness the drama ignited upon shipping individuals with different races, or the tendency to separate characters into different "colors" even though the world setting doesn't divide races like that. Such practice isn't a thing here. Mind explaining a bit on this phenomenon?

--

Sure, I can try. But of course, fish aren’t very good at explaining the water they swim in.

Americans aren’t good at detecting our own Americanness, and a lot of what you’re seeing is very much culturally American rather than Western in general. (In much of Europe, “race” is a concept used by racists, or so I’m told, unlike in the US where it’s seen more neutrally.) Majority group members (i.e. me, a white girl) aren’t usually the savviest about minority issues, but I’ll give it a shot.

The big picture is that most US race stuff boils down to our attempts to justify and maintain slavery and that dynamic being applied, awkwardly, to everyone else too, even years after we abolished slavery.

There’s a concept called the “one drop rule” where a person is “black” if they have even one drop of black blood.

We used to outlaw “interracial” marriage until quite recently. (That meant marriage between black people and white people with Asians and Hispanic people and others wedged in awkwardly.) Here’s the Wikipedia article on this, which contains the following map showing when we legalized interracial marriage. The red states are 1967.

That’s within living memory for a ton of people! Yellow is 1948 to 1967. This is just not very long ago at all. (Hell, we only fully banned slavery in 1865, which is also just not that long ago when it comes to human culture.)

Why did we have this bananas-crazy set of laws and this idiotic notion that one remote ancestor defines who you are? It boils down to slavery requiring a constant reaffirming that black people are all the same (and subhuman) while white people are all this completely separate category. The minute you start intermarrying, all of that breaks down. This was particularly important in our history because our system of slavery involved the kids of slaves being slaves and nobody really buying their way out. Globally, historically, there are other systems of slavery where there was more mobility or where enslaved people were debtors with a similar background to owners, and thus the people in power were less threatened by ambiguity in identity.

Post-slavery, this shit hung around because it was in the interests of the people in power to maintain a similar status quo where black people are fundamentally Other.

A lot of our obsession with who counts as what is simply a legacy of our racist past that produced our racist present.

--

The other big factor in American concepts of identity is that we see ourselves as a nation of immigrants (ignoring our indigenous peoples, as usual). A lot of people’s families arrived here relatively recently, and we often don’t have good records of exactly where they were from, even aside from enslaved people who obviously wouldn’t have those records. Plenty of people still identify with a general nationality (”Italian-American” and such), but the nuance the family might once have had (specific region of Italy, specific hometown) is often lost. Yeah, I know every place has immigrants, and lots of people don’t have good records, but the US is one of those countries where families have on average moved around a lot more and a lot more recently than some, and it affects our concepts of identity. I think some of the willingness to buy into the idea of “races” rather than “ethnicities” has to do with this flattening of identity.

New immigrant groups were often seen as Other and lesser, but over time, the ones who could manage it got added to our concept of “whiteness”, which gave them access to those same social and economic privileges.

Skin color is a big part of this. In a system that is founded on there being two categories, white owners and black slaves, skin color is obviously going to be about that rather than being more of a class marker like it is in a lot of the world.

But it’s not all about skin color since we have plenty of Europeans with somewhat darker skin who are seen as generically white here, while very pale Asians are not. I’m not super familiar with all of the history of anti-Asian racism in the US, but I think this persistent Otherness probably boils down to Western powers trying to justify colonial activities in Asia plus a bunch of religious bullshit about predominantly Christian nations vs. ones that are predominantly Buddhist or some other religion.

In fact, a lot of racist archetypes in English can be traced back to England’s earliest colonial efforts in Ireland. Justifying colonizing Those People because they’re subhuman and/or ignorant and in need of paternalistic rulers or religious conversion is at the bottom of a lot of racist notions. Ironic that we now see Irish people as clearly “white”.

--

There are a lot of racist porn tropes and racist cultural baggage here around the idea of black people being animalistic. Racist white people think black men want to rape/steal white women from white men. Black women get seen as hypersexual and aggressive. If this sounds like white people projecting in order to justify murder and rape... well, it is.

Similar tropes get applied to a lot of groups, often including Hispanic and Middle Eastern people, though East Asians come in more for creepy fantasies about endlessly submissive and promiscuous women. This nonsense already existed, but it was certainly not helped by WWII servicemen from here and their experiences in Asia. Again, it’s a projection to justify shitty behavior as what the party with less power was “asking for”.

In porn and even romance novels, this tends to turn up as a white character the audience is supposed to identify with paired with an exotic, mysterious Other or an animalistic sexy rapist Other.

A lot of fandoms are based on US media, so all of our racist bullshit does apply to the casting and writing of those, whether or not the fic is by Americans or replicating our racist porn tropes.

(Obviously, things get pretty hilarious and infuriating once Americans get into c-dramas and try to apply the exact same ideas unchanged to mainstream media about the majority group made by a huge and powerful country.)

--

Politically, within the US, white people have had most of the power most of the time. We also make up a big chunk of the population. (This is starting to change in some areas, which has assholes scared shitless.) This means that other groups tend to band together to accomplish shared political goals. They’re minorities here, so they get lumped together.

A lot of Americans become used to seeing the world in terms of “white people” who are powerful oppressors and “people of color” who are oppressed minorities. They’re trying to be progressive and help people with less power, and that’s good, but it obviously becomes awkward when it’s over-applied to looking at, say, China.

--

Now... fandom...

I find that fandom, in general, has a bad habit of holding things to double standards: queer things must be Good Representation™ even when they’re not being produced for that purpose. Same for ethnic minorities or any other minority. US-influenced parts of fandom (which includes a lot of English-speaking fandom) tend to not be very good at accepting that things are just fantasy. This has gotten worse in recent years.

As fandom has gotten more mainstream here, general media criticism about better representation (both in terms of number of characters and in terms of how they’re portrayed) has turned into fanfic criticism (not enough fics about ship X, too many about ship Y, problematic tropes that should not be applied to ship X, etc.). I find this extremely misguided considering the smaller reach of fandom but, more importantly, the lack of barriers to entry. If you think my AO3 fic sucks, you can make an account and post other fic that will be just as findable. You don’t need money or industry connections or to pass any particular hurdle to get your work out there too.

People also (understandably) tend to be hypersensitive to anything that looks like a racist porn trope. My feeling is that many of these are general porn tropes and people are reaching. There are specific tropes where black guys are given a huge dick as part of showing that they’re animalistic and hypersexual, but big dicks are really common in porn in general. The latter doesn’t automatically mean you’re doing the former unless there are other elements present. A/B/O or dubcon doesn’t mean it’s this racist trope either, not unless certain cliched elements are present. OTOH, it’s not hard for a/b/o tropes to feel close to “animalistic guy is rapey”, so I can see why it often bothers people.

A huge, huge, huge proportion of wank is “all rape fantasies are bad” crap too, which muddies the waters. I think a lot of people use “it’s racist” as an easy way to force others to agree with their incorrect claims that dubcon, noncon, a/b/o, etc. are fundamentally bad. Many fans, especially white fans, feel like they don’t know enough to refute claims of racism, so they cave to such arguments even when they’re transparently disingenuous.

--

Not everyone here thinks this way. I know plenty of people offline, particularly a lot of nonwhite people, who think fandom discourse is idiotic and that the people “protecting” people or characters of color are far more racist than the people writing “bad” fic or shipping the wrong thing.

But in general, I’d say that the stuff above is why a lot of us see the world as white people in power vs. everyone else as oppressed victims, interracial relationships as fraught, and porn about them as suspect. Basically, it’s people trying to be more progressive and aware but sometimes causing more harm than good when those attempts go awry.

[elriell]

The thing I hate about this ship war is that I’ll be reading other sides’ opinions and theories and sometimes I’ll think “oh, I see what they mean. I don’t really agree or interpret it that way, but I can respect this take on it.” And then I keep reading until the end of the post and they finish it with a jab or an insult to the opposing side…and I’m immediately turned off and honestly become kinda salty. Like, is it necessary to insult others while conveying your point?

Sadly it’s not even just one side that does this, and I feel like a lot of the more popular users specifically get followers because of this “no filter” attitude. But I feel like there’s a difference between tearing down theories with evidence or counter arguments (maybe even with a little bit of attitude granted) and straight up mocking and degrading people’s intelligence. If that makes sense…

Anyway, you’ve been in this fandom for a long time so you’ve had to deal with this stuff a lot longer than me so I wanted to hear your take on it 😕

Oh for sureeeee, I mean I think this is what makes communication between both sides a little harder and multi-shipping incredibly difficult for many, because you might attempt to reach out but it is met with hostility. I can count the amount of fandoms I have been able to participate in as a multi-shipper on one hand because of this atmosphere.

It is one of those really hard topics to discuss because I kind of walk the fence in some regards, I think a lot of it comes down to personalities at its base. I mean some people are simply more used to be brash and upfront, others not, cultural impact is another thing to be considered. As someone who has lived all over, in many countries across several continents, there are so many differences with how people present themselves and perceive others.

Some people are really sarcastic, and that is almost their love language, their comfort zone. Others might find it off putting. We have such a wide array of shippers from ALL over and it is hard too narrow it down, if that makes sense? Because what I find rude/abrasive might not be the same for you, and vice-versa.

However, there is most definitely a communication issue in this (and most) fandoms.

The problem only gets worse as time goes on because hurt and resentment towards a majority group builds and impact the overall viewing of said ship/individual. And to be clear no party is innocent in this.

I know for sure there are a lot of things I have seen have altered my perception, my enjoyment of individuals/ships. I know I have certainly lost my patience and felt at wits end due to the ship war and been a little snarky at times. It is hard not to when what filters through is so toxic. We as groups will always see and focus on the bad parts because realistically those are the popular things that get brought up and discussed.

Unfortunately I don't know where the solution lies, if I am honest. Other than finding you niche group of friends that agree and sticking with them, because after a year of back and forth is there any return? Would people even want it? We need a council lmao

I always try and step back and see the bigger picture, and the person behind the screen but all these things are easily said but harder to follow through over time... Another clarification though, insulting someone as a human or their intelligence is of course, never okay. Always be respectful of human beings as people not just a URL/account. I just mean that over time, feelings will build and fester, and there lies the difficult part.

Thank you for bringing this up, it is a wonderfully complicated topic and i would absolutely love anyone's add-on's on their perspective/experience since being in the fandom. I have been here a looooong time, and pre-ACOTAR many years in other fandoms and unfortunately it seems an all to common pattern people fall in to.

Someone needs to draft a peace treaty and settle the war hahahaahah

I hope at least 5% of that made sense.

[samisadeangirl]

Have you noticed how all the blogs in that so called nazi block-list are anti misha and consistently post anti misha content? Notice how that rollthebeautifuldean person is on a crusade to target these blogs but has barely any posts condemning hellers who legitimately post death wishes. Makes me suspect their intentions.

I'm not American. I have different political opinions/leanings. I come from a different culture. I'm not white if that matters. It feels like people like me are unwelcome in this fandom because I tend to have "wrong" opinions and don't subscribe to groupthink. I agree racism is bad (so are Nazis) but the thing is, I differ with the definition of what constitutes racism. A lot of "you're nazi" examples sound similar to "you're homophobic for not shipping destiel" accusations.

I'm also baffled by people who blindly believed and started blocking people without reaching out first. Perhaps it's a reflection of current cancel culture but it made me sad. I've felt unwelcome in this fandom for a while but now I'm genuinely thinking of leaving because I don't want to be labelled "nazi/white supremacist/whatever" by people I consider my friends simply for having a different perspective.

Hi there Anon,

Oh yes, it's hardly a coincidence that all the blogs that asshole called out were anti-Misha, anti-Destiheller, and Jared-leaning or bibro blogs, or that their wife tried to do a blanket call-out against anti-Heller Jared fans a couple of days before. Both obviously have an agenda or at least a bias, and there are a number of folks who suspect that they're actually Hellers themselves since their behavior is eerily similar. I have my doubts simply because it's hard to believe such clearly immature and idiotic people would be capable of playing the long game by setting up these blogs for several months, but who knows? It's certainly rather suspect that the blog making those accusations is suddenly empty of content . . .

I can understand how you could be feeling alienated and disheartened by what's been going on, but please try to keep in mind that these assholes are a very small minority of the fandom who unfortunately happen to be very loud. We have ample evidence over the years from the various polls, surveys, and petitions they've touted to try to "prove" how numerous they are that Destihellers in fact number in only the few thousand, which means they make up <1% of the overall SPN audience of >2M viewers. Even on Tumblr, they make up <15% of the SPN blogs here from what I've heard. Hellers are generally the only ones who attack other fans as racist, homophobic, or whatever for having different opinions than they do, while most of the rest of the fandom is far more open-minded about people with different backgrounds and opinions. There are plenty of people I follow and interact with who are from other countries, who are POC, queer, disabled, etc., who have different beliefs, political leanings, etc.--but we're all united in our love of SPN and its characters. :)

I do agree that it was wrong that some people accepted those accusations without questions, and they should feel ashamed of themselves for blindly jumping to conclusions. Unfortunately it seems like whenever some drama starts, there are always gullible sheeple who make assumptions and take sides with little to no proof. Sadly that's human nature in general, and the current cancel culture does make it worse.

Still, like I said I think there are more decent people in the SPN fandom than bad ones, though of course you need to do what you feel is best for yourself, even if that means taking a break or leaving the fandom all together. If it would help, please feel free to send me more asks or reach out through DMs to talk.

[shifty-looking-sheep]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy, Mass Effect - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard Characters: Female Shepard (Mass Effect), Kaidan Alenko, Ashley Williams, Conrad Verner Additional Tags: Mass Effect 1, Fluff, Embarrassment, Teasing, acknowledging feelings, blurting out feelings

Summary:

Kaidan tries to deal with the most embarrassing moment of his adult life, and Ashley tries to make it difficult.

“The Council represents more races than I thought. No wonder they’re careful with newcomers.”

Shepard looked out over the ward arm, awe and fascination shining from her face as the lights of the buildings, skycars, and stars reflected in her eyes. Kaidan quickly looked away as he caught himself staring.

“They probably just want to keep everything running,” Kaidan reasoned. “It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together.”

Ash quietly snorted. “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.”

Kaidan got ready to jump in with something diplomatic, but Shepard got there first.

“Why not? We’ve got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love…” Shepard said, smiling, as she looked back across the ward arms. Kaidan turned to look at her face in profile, etching the silhouette into his brain. “According to the old vids, we’ve got everything they want.”

From someone else, he might have thought it a sarcastic comment; frustrated, almost. But her tone seemed sincere, and her introspective smile made him think she was genuinely hopeful. That was… unexpected.

“When you put it that way,” he said, playfully, “there’s no reason they wouldn’t like you… I mean, us! Humans! … Ma’am…”

Shit! Shit shit shit shit shit! What had just tumbled out of his mouth? The bottom dropped out of his stomach as he looked over at Shepard, but his view was blocked by Ash, whose look of surprise quickly turned to mischievous glee. He speedily looked away in excruciating embarrassment.

“You don’t take much shore leave do you, LT?”

The mirth in Ashley's voice prompted him to screw his eyes shut, thoroughly humiliated and wishing he was literally anywhere else. It was that very specific feeling of self-loathing when the wrongness of something you’ve just said is wedged in your gut. What a complete and utter idiot! Had he honestly just implied, to his CO’s face, that he thought she was beautiful? He felt like a college freshman accidentally letting slip that he had a crush on his professor. To his professor. First, he activates some ancient beacon on Eden Prime, and she has to throw him out of the way, and now he admits he thinks she’s beautiful. He’ll be lucky if he’s not transferred off the Normandy by the end of the Citadel’s day cycle. Or worse, the butt of every joke made in the Normandy mess for the remainder of the mission. He can hear them now: Seems Alenko likes powerful women – surprised he hasn’t made a move on the Dalatrass; Is it just Shepard he’s interested in, or does he chase after anyone with a Star of Terra? What’s Alenko’s favourite sexual position? – CO.

“Alright, laugh it up, Chief,” Shepard said, ever so slightly admonishingly. She turned to Kaidan and he tried to read her expression and failed. Entirely neutral commander-face, but not without empathy.

“I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we’re on duty here.”

“Aaa…” he paused. She appreciates the thought?! What did that mean?! She appreciates a compliment, or she appreciates a compliment from him? No, for god’s sake he needed to pull himself together and move on from this hiccup. He’d just mortified himself with a Freudian slip; this wasn’t the time to start reading into every word Shepard said. He needed a total reset. She wasn’t a romantic prospect; she was his boss. Mind on the mission, Lieutenant.

“Aye, aye, ma’am,” he managed to croak out, feeling a blush rising to his cheeks.

He heard Ash fighting back a laugh. “I’ll walk drag, ma’am.”

He opened his eyes to glare at her, but she just waggled her eyebrows in response. Thankfully Shepard didn’t see it, and didn’t respond to Ash’s jibe. He didn’t know if he’d expected her to. In their only real conversation so far, Shepard had been friendly and sincere, if a little… detached? Self-conscious of her new rank, perhaps? This had been her first time as an XO, and then promoted to CO almost immediately, so perhaps she wasn’t sure how familiar to be with her officers? Anderson hadn’t exactly been a stickler for protocol and rank, but he’d probably have chewed the Chief out for a comment like that. Perhaps Shepard found Kaidan's slip-up funny as well, but he suspected she just had a higher tolerance for a little off-topic chat than most commanding officers.

The Commander had already turned and was making her way across the walkway to the market area. She was striding purposefully, but not overly quickly. Her earlier comments about the Citadel seemed to imply that this was her first visit, and despite there being a job for them to do, she was still a tourist. He caught her turn to look at a group who were chatting near the entrance to a club: two elcor, two asari and a volus. It wasn’t a stare; just a curious glance. Interested in alien culture then? Or simply not been around so many different races before?

He was pulled out of his musings by the sound of giggling over his left shoulder, and he turned to see Ash’s grinning face shaking back and forth.

Kaidan’s face flushed an even deeper scarlet. He’d been staring again, and now that Ash was on to him, he needed to get it together.

No! Not ‘on to him’. There was nothing to be ‘on to’. He didn’t have a crush on Shepard. He was 32; he didn’t have inappropriate crushes like a 20-year-old. He was just dispassionately interested in an interesting person. It made sense to learn as much as you could about your CO, right? It would help him work with her on the battlefield; be able to anticipate her movements. And knowing something about her background and values would allow him to anticipate what she’d likely prioritise, what advice she’d appreciate, how he could best support her…

So far, she’d been a little difficult to read. Anderson had been an open book; his service history told the story of a driven soldier and born leader. Beloved by those under his command, and promoted steadily through hard work and frequent commendations. He kept an appropriate, professional distance from the rest of the crew; didn’t give personal details but radiated a warmth and genuine friendliness that made you feel like you knew him. He made his expectations of the crew very clear and was a straight-shooter. Clearly not a political man. A soldier’s soldier.

But Shepard… he couldn’t tell yet. She’d been round the ship talking to everyone already; learnt names; checked on everyone after Eden Prime. So, caring then. But she also hadn’t really said anything about herself, and her demeanour was entirely unreadable. Not stony; certainly not icy, but not exactly open either.

He’d looked up her service history when he’d joined the Normandy, since he wanted to know who he was working for. Unlike Anderson’s, hers was a little harder to decipher. She’d joined the Alliance early, excelled in combat training, had a number of commendations from various high-profile missions: she'd kept her CO alive during a raid on a red-sand smuggling base out in the Terminus; single-handedly held off the smugglers until the extraction team could make it to them. It’s the sort of stuff the Alliance made a big song and dance about; they obviously had after her heroics on Elysium. But this earlier heroic moment seemed to have slipped under the radar. Maybe Shepard hadn’t wanted to be made the centre of a media circus? It would have taken a strong will to have denied the Alliance’s media department a new poster girl. The thought made him smirk.

“Seriously, LT?” Ash whispered. “You made it about five minutes there before you got that goofy heart-eyes look again. I feel bad teasing you about it; it’s too easy to be fun.”

He gave her a look he hoped was serious and annoyed enough to put an end to it. He was technically her superior officer, after all. She didn’t seem deterred though, meeting his look head on with a satisfied smirk.

Had he really gone back to thinking about Shepard so quickly? Maybe Ashley had a point. Shit. This was bad.

While he’d been in his head trying to rationalise his now undeniable fascination with his CO, Kaidan hadn’t noticed that they’d made a detour past the group of aliens and up towards the club: ‘Flux’, the sign read. The sound of bass and chat reached them from down the corridor, but not too loud. It seemed that this early in the day it was mostly gamblers and drinkers rather than the partying crowd.

They made it through the doorway into a fairly small bar area. Shepard started looking around, then stopped as her eyes lighted on the bartender who was waving her over. Kaidan and Ash held back by the doors; there was little fear of a fight breaking out somewhere as public as this, and stomping around a bar in full combat armour toting several different guns apiece didn’t tend to make the punters comfortable. A few had already given them some looks ranging from mildly curious to extremely worried.

“So, this is an interesting development.”

Ash was looking at him and smiling, but not unkindly. He crossed his arms, then uncrossed them, fidgeting with them at his sides before deciding to cross them again. This topic didn’t need to make him feel nervous; he just needed to convince the Chief that it had been a simple slip-of-the-tongue, and they could move on and away from his humiliation.

Ash leaned in conspiratorially. “For what it’s worth, I think you two would be cute together. And your kids would be gorgeous!”

He groaned, and put his hand to his forehead. He could feel a headache coming on.

“It’s not… I don’t... I mean...”

Ashley raised an eyebrow and gave him a pointed look. “Hmmm, sure.”

Kaidan sighed. “Buy you a drink if you promise not to tell anyone on the Normandy about my foot-in-mouth disease.”

“Oooo, I don’t know about that, LT. I might need to be a pretty fancy cocktail to buy my silence.”

“Worth it.”

It would have to wait for another time though, as Shepard was making her way back to them at the doors. They followed along behind her as they made their way back down the corridor.

“We need to drop by a club called Chora's Den after we’re done with Chorban,” she sighed. “The bartender’s sister is a C-Sec informant, and it looks like she might be in trouble. It’ll give us a chance to drop in on this ‘Fist’ character as well.”

“Aye, aye, ma’am,” Ash and Kaidan replied in unison.

They approached the far end of the walkway and started making their way across the upper market. If their informant was correct, Chorban should be in the lower market. They had no idea what to expect, but he could well be armed and dangerous. Kaidan didn’t like meeting in such a public and crowded place, but he trusted Shepard’s judgement that she could fix this with diplomacy. As they peeled their way through the crowd, Kaidan clocked someone at the top of the stairs looking in their direction. Human, male, possibly in his late 40s, and eyes fixed on Shepard. Kaidan put his hand on his sidearm.

“Wow! It’s you!”

The man waved and took a step forward, partially blocking their way down the stairs. Shepard’s shoulders tensed, but she walked over to the man without taking a defensive posture. Kaidan’s hand remained on his pistol.

“You’re Commander Shepard!” the man said, in a voice dripping in sycophantic joy. “The hero of Eden Prime! I am so honoured to meet you!”

“Nice to meet you.” Shepard shook the man’s hand firmly, a slightly forced smile on her face but a friendly tone to her voice. Kaidan guessed this wasn’t the first time this had happened, considering how high-profile she was. “And you are…?”

“My name is Conrad. Conrad Verner. They say you killed more than a hundred geth on Eden Prime!”

The man didn’t seem like a threat, and Kaidan relaxed a little, but he didn’t like the desperation in his voice, or the dark feeling of dislike he immediately felt for this man.

Shepard shrugged. “I spent most of the time trying to stay alive and help the colonists.”

Conrad nodded, but in that way that makes it seem like you didn’t hear anything the person just said. Kaidan glanced at the time on his omnitool. This wasn’t really a distraction they needed just before they walked into what could be a firefight.

“Hey, I know you’re pretty busy,” Conrad said, “but do you have time for a quick autograph?”

Shepard seemed a little embarrassed, as a slight blush coloured the side of her cheek. Her skin was already a warm coffee-colour, but with the blush she looked… stunning.

Ash leaned in close enough to whisper without the Commander overhearing. “How does it feel to see the competition. For my money, I think you probably have the edge.”

Kaidan turned his shocked intake of breath into a cough, and looked daggers at Ashley. Again. But then, she’d also got him pegged: he had felt the tiniest spark of jealousy. What was happening to him?!

Shepard had just finished signing the datapad that Conrad had pressed into her hands, and handed it back with a smile.

“Anything for a fan. Here.”

“Thanks,” Conrad said, his eyes out on stalks as he stared at the datapad. “I really appreciate it. My… wife is going to be so impressed.”

Ash rolled her eyes.

“I’ll let you get back to work, but next time you’re on Earth, I’d love to buy you a drink. Thanks again!”

Kaidan followed the Commander towards the stairs down to the lower markets, as Conrad walked in the other direction. Ash was typing something on her omnitool, and Kaidan got the ping of a message a moment later.

 Figure you’re going to be that guy in 20 years?

Kaidan swung from feeling angry to simply contrite. Kicking up a fuss about a joke was never a good look, particularly if you wanted the joke to go away. And it needed to go away, because if it had been so immediately obvious to Ashley every time he’d unconsciously stared at the Commander, the others were going to see it to; especially if they were primed to look for it. This couldn’t go further than Ash.

 He doesn’t have my bone structure.

The Chief barked a little laugh, and Shepard gave her a curious glance, but they continued walking in silence.

As they rounded the corner and entered the lower markets, they could see Chorban up ahead, flanked by some heavily-armed salarian bodyguards. Shepard walked up to him with that same purposeful march, seemingly unperturbed by the heavies. Ash had unholstered her rifle, and was holding it across her body, and Kaidan created a weak biotic barrier around himself, just to let the goons know what they were up against if they decided to attack. They both looked considerably more nervous after taking in Kaidan and Ashley’s preparations.

Shepard was listening to Chorban and asking pointed questions, trying to calmly get to the bottom of what sounded like a ridiculous miscommunication got completely out of hand. She was so direct, authoritative, but not pushy or intimidating. Chorban spilled his guts.

Before Kaidan could really process what was being said, Shepard was already moving away and towards the elevator back up to the Presidium, but as she walked past Kaidan she caught him dropping his biotic barrier and did a little double-take. Odd; she’d seen him use his biotics several times on Eden Prime, but perhaps not that close. He knew his usually hazel eyes turned blue when he used his biotics, so maybe that’s what she’d seen. Her eyes had met his and flown wide before she'd quickly looked away.

As they entered the elevator, she turned around as he walked in, and again she met his eyes and then snapped away. Was that… embarrassment? She was blushing, and it had been several minutes since the autograph incident, so it didn’t seem likely that it was still from that. What was she thinking about?

As the elevator doors closed, Kaidan’s mind was whirring away at light speed. He recalled how she’d got slightly flustered when speaking to him in the med-bay after Eden Prime. After he’d said he carried her back to the ship. No, he shouldn’t read too much into it. Indulging in some puppy-love fantasy about his CO couldn’t lead anywhere good. He got another ping on his omnitool.

 Hmmm. Seems you’re not the only one nursing a crush, LT.

As he looked at Ashley, she shrugged and nodded towards Shepard’s back, as she was awkwardly crossing and uncrossing her arms. A reflex he knew well.

It threw a tiny piece of kindling onto the flame he’d spent the last half an hour or so trying to starve of oxygen. He was going to need to buy Ash an insane number of cocktails to get her to keep all this quiet… but the idea that there was something to keep quiet, something real, made his stomach do a backflip.

“Disgusting,” Ash whispered, but this time he didn’t object, he just smiled a little bit wider.

Yup, a shitload of cocktails.

Notes:  

I haven't been writing very long, and I REALLY want to improve; if you do have any constructive criticism, it would absolutely be welcomed and I would be really grateful 😁