#so effectively i will never know who if anyone is infected

[avoskorm]

Just had a notification helpfully explaining what Dragonsplague is.

Welp.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[onlycrumbss]

I wanna post some health and appearance tips because I seen someone else on my tumblr do it.

These are actually mind blowing tips that I’ve tried and tested, actually have science behind them, and make the overall process much easier, i may not have alot of followed and it’s pretty long but please read because these are actually some revolutionary tips like the type of tips that people gatekeep. But that’s not me

Some of these products might be expensive/out if the way I’m sorry, I’m 19 and live alone have been working full time since I was young. I don’t have tips for hiding anything though since I live alone and when I was at home my family never really cared anyways these are mainly tips on how to upkeep your looks while restricting so that way you can look healthy while getting skinny, but I do have some prouducts that will raise less suspicion for anyone who lives at home still.

✨ Tried and tested ✨

Hair~

Hair breaks when you’ve been restricting for a long time but these products have really helped and now I don’t have split ends. Their fine hair friendly as well, just remember shampoo your roots and only condition and oil your ends

Olaplex conditioner and the Olaplex hair oil

shea moisture Manuka honey and manfura oil intensive conditioner

Amika soulfood deep conditioner

Any shampoo with rosemary (makes your hair thicker and has been proven to be as effective as rogaine)

Tessa peays (you can find her on tiktok and YouTube) hair oil recipe and hair oil routine

Body care~

Skin gets really dry sooo

Olay body washes (literally any kind will work their so hydrating, they have a niacinimide one which works to brighten up your skin)

Any lotion with Vaseline in it (Vaseline will lock all moisture in and is the most effective humectant on the market. I don’t recommend using straight Vaseline Vaseline though because that will get all stick, just use a Vaseline brand lotion)

Body scrub once a week

Skincare~

Moisturizer. When your restricting you need to invest in a moisturizer, keep your skin hydrated

Sheet masks 1x a week. I like to use ones that are specifically food themed cuz in my head it’s giving my skin the nutrients I don’t wanna give to myself

My favorite kinds are: the tony Molly “I am-“ ones. Mediheal placenta sheet mask (my skin litterally glows after the placenta one) innisfree honey sleeping mask

I don’t recommend doing diy skincare but the only thing I will ever recommend along the lines of diy skincare is a honey and avacado face mask, makes my skin so hydrated and plump

Foods~

(Some of these might be a fear food for alot and can be a little calorie dense but they help with your appearance)

Berries: especially blueberries and strawberries (have highest antioxidants, which help your apperance)

Cherry and pomegranate juice (antioxidant thing I mentioned above)

Avacados and chia seeds (kinda high in calories I know! But they have lots of omegas and healthy fats and chia seeds are full of omegas and proteins, these will keep your skin dewy and keep your hair nice, chia seeds will also keep you feeling fuller for longer and are a natural laxative)

Eggs: protien+good for your hair

Health in general+ weight~

Quit nicotine. I know that nicotine is like a staple in our community and I myself and on my journey of trying to quitting smoking but after years it catches up to you, and it causes acne. If your not eating your body isn’t going to put that nutrients to upkeeping your face, I already have faint smokers lines around my lips. plus it makes working out easier

(If ur a girl/have female parts) you need to get a probiotic in and get regularly tested for bv and ye⭐️ast infections. You will be prone to bv and yeast “imbalances” while starving and they can cause a lot of problems from stomach bloating to lack of desire and pain and a lot of times are asymptomatic. This happened to me and caused alot of mental anguish because the pain made me question my gender identity and the bloating made the mental aspect of my e d worse and I didn’t even have any symptoms

Don’t use miralax, it’s really bad for you. Drink senna tea, it’s less suspicious and actually works faster and better than laxatives. Plus it doesn’t destroy your organs like miralax

Don’t use trendy diet pills. If your going to take anything get “Garcinia Cambodia” supplement and take it with an apple cider vinegar supplement. Get the acv pills instead of drinking actual acv becsuse it’s better on your teeth (have to be taken together, a study was done on this combination plus it’s been really helping me)

Fast instead of ⭐️ve: I’m not going to get too deep into the science of it all because I’m bad with my words and explaining but basically when your restricting I t’s actually more harmful to your metabolism, makes you crave more food and makes your hungrier making everything harder because that’s what actually puts your body into starvation mode is a constant input of extremely few calories. When your fasting your body goes into “modes” that are actually benifical to your body,metabolism, cravings and feelings of hunger. When you focus more on not eating anything for a long period of time (fasting) vs “I can only have x calories today so I’m gonna eat x and x and x” -(restricting), you’ll find it makes you not only loose weight faster but also make it feel easier

Which is why I see a lot of ppl on here say things like “I can fast so easily but restricting is so hard” well that’s because there’s literally a science to it. And a little secret, after you do general fasting a few days (not for days straight but more so one meal a day like 24 hour fasts and 16+odd hour fasts) it gets easy. It is litterallt so much easier than plain restricting

Take collegen supplements if it’s something your not afraid of because their very good for supple skin and also for hair as well recent studies and random experiments I’ve seen on YouTube have shown

Take biotin~ for your hair

Drink “sparkling ice” drinks. They 5 Cals and have vitamin B’s which are good for your metabolism

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will be adding anytning I might’ve forgotten becayse I kinda rushed this because I rlly wanted to share all of these with everyone in the community after I got inspiration from the post I saw earlier. Feel free to comment or dm me any questions about the products and the sciences

[ann1-wr1tes]

You Came?...You called.

Synopsis: You find yourself falling into the horrors of your job, but come to find out that you don't have to be alone.

Warnings: Slight angst, crying, hurt and comfort

Word Count: 2,642

A/N: Okay, so if you've seen this fic before, it's because I posted this on my previous account. I didn't plagiarize or steal anyone's work. I just have all of this saved and I plan on posting the other fics I have. Anyways hope ya'll enjoy!

Part two

------

You felt pathetic as your quivering voice spoke into the phone. You couldn't stop the steady shaking in your hands as you try your best to sound normal. You didn't want him of all people to hear you like this. In fact you weren't even sure why you had called. Not that it mattered. The call went to voicemail anyways so it's not like he'd even show up.

"I..I don't know what I'm doing right now, honestly. I shouldn't have called so uhhh sorry for....for bothering you." you rasp out. Then quickly, with a shaky finger you hang up the phone and drop it in your lap.

You cover your face in your hands as you try to take deep breaths. For some reason though, taking in air seemed harder than it once was. It almost felt like your lungs were being crushed by some invisible force as you felt your heart beat speed up to a million miles a minute. You were having a panic attack and for good reason too.

Everyone had told you that being an agent was far from easy. The D.S.O was an agency that was dedicated to stopping bio-terrorism. The people working under the agency were always seen as intimidating, competent, and effective in whatever their job was. The agents were also a force to be reckoned with. After all you had to go through hell just to be considered a candidate for becoming a D.S.O agent. Little did you know that actually being an agent was a whole new type of hell.

The job was a test to not just your physical health, but also your mental health. It was stressful and draining. You always had to be on alert and sometimes on the run during missions. It felt like it never ended. But the last mission you went on was a disaster. Actually describing it as a disaster was an understatement. It could better be described as a tragedy.

You were thrown into Russia. You and your partner were tasked with investigating a certain lab that was suspected to have some sort of vaccine that was turning people into B.O.W's so of course it was dangerous and risky.

Your partner that you went with was actually a good friend of yours. Maybe that was the first mistake. You can still remember the look of horror that played out on your partners face as she got shot with an injection of some sort. You took out the person who injected her with the infectious syringe, but it was too late. The injection had already started to wreak havoc on her body and there was no cure.

You still remember how she pleaded and begged you to kill her before whatever she got infected with could run its course. But you wanted to believe that you could save her. That was your second mistake.

In the end she shifted into this mutated, horrific, B.O.W and you almost died. At the last second you finally killed her but not before you hesitated and tried to convince yourself that there was still some way that you could save her. You eventually learned that it was over though and you had to stop her before she could infect you.

When you returned to the D.S.O, you came back with no partner, many injuries, and a few samples of the vaccine that you were supposed to get. The mission was successful but now you were starting to wonder at what cost? Was it really worth it?

You remember the first day back. You felt like a zombie. Your body was numb, you couldn't feel the numerous injuries you had gotten but you could feel how heavy everything felt. It felt like there was lead in your shoes as you walked down the bright hallways and you felt like you could collapse at any moment. Then you saw him.

Leon Kennedy.

Looking handsome as ever. Right when he saw you he was already on his feet, bounding towards you in a few wide strides and he had a hand on your cheek. You numbly watched as his bright blue eyes darted back and forth across your face.

You did look like hell to be fair.

Then when he asked if you were okay, you pushed him away and kept walking. In the moment you just wanted to leave and go home. You felt like if you told Leon about what happened right then and there you'd either pass out, cry, or scream but now looking back on it you felt like an asshole. You remembered the softness in Leon's eyes as he looked at you, his lips slightly parted as he took in your disheveled appearance. You even remembered how gently he grazed his hand against your cheek.

Why were you such an asshole?

After that you went home, took a shower and slept. You actually were quite sure that you had slept for a few days straight. The only time you went out was when you attended your friends funeral and that was horrific in itself. Then the nightmares began and it became impossible to close your eyes for more than a minute. You'd immediately have flashes of images and memories in your head from the mission. It was like torture.

So now you sat there. One in the morning. Your body heavy and slumped over as your phone sat in your lap and you looked down at it. When the screen turned black you could see your reflection looking back at you.

Your face was paler than usual, your eyebags had eyebags and your eyes were slightly glazed over as you looked at someone who you didn't seem to recognize. You seemed to be a shell of yourself as you sat there on the edge of your bed in the dark. Your legs limply dangled off the edge and you could feel tears start to build in your eyes. You didn't even notice until a tear slipped down your cheek.

So this was what it was to be an agent. Fun stuff.

Maybe you should've listened to all those who warned you. You were stubborn, determined, you always knew what you wanted. So when everyone warned you about the dangers of being an agent you shrugged it all off.

Even when Leon was your mentor and he took the time to train you, he too was one person who tried to warn you about the dangers of being an agent. At first you were offended. You thought that he was telling you all this because he thought you were incapable or weren't fit to be an agent. It turns out that wasn't true at all.

Leon was endeared by you from the moment he laid his eyes on you. You were bright and full of life. You were always willing to do whatever it took to please him, whether that be in training or missions and then he got to watch you evolve into your own person.

But now as you sit in the dark by yourself, tears streaming down your cheeks in a silent show of the pain going on inside, you were starting to wonder how you'd ever be able to live like this.

Knock knock knock

You practically jump out of your skin with a soft cry. Almost on instinct your hands fly to your bedside table and you pull out your gun that you keep handy. You've been far too paranoid lately not to have it around so you grip the gun in your hands as you walk through your apartment.

You turn on a lamp for some much needed light and with a deep breath you open the door a crack and peek through the small opening.

"Who is it?" you hiss through the door.

Suddenly you catch the sight of a leather jacket and bright blue eyes.

"Mind opening the door?"

Your heart speeds up and you can feel your cheeks grow warm as you hear the husky voice of Leon. His voice sounded like honey and god did it send chills down your spine sometimes but right now you were shocked that he was even here.

You open the door fully this time and stare for a moment. God why was he so beautiful. Sure he looked a little aged and a tad bit on the tired side but he was still beautiful. It was just the way his hair perfectly fell over his face and how he had a chiseled jaw that was paired with some light stubble and his eyes. Oh, you wouldn't even get started on his eyes.

Though you soon realize that right now isn't the time to be staring at Leon. He gives you a look and you sigh and rub your eyes tiredly.

"You came?" you say, almost as if you were in disbelief.

"You called." Leon responds simply.

He watches as you stare at him for a moment more. This time you just look tired. You look him up and down. A small pout in your lips as your tired eyes practically drooped. With that a sigh you step aside and you let him walk into your wreck of an apartment. You shut the door behind you and carelessly plop your gun down on your counter.

"Ignore the mess. It's been a long week." you mutter as you sit down on your couch. Leon's gaze follows you as you stumble onto the couch and you almost seem to collapse into yourself.

He sits down next to you and you can still feel his eyes on you. You almost love it and hate it at the same time. You loved it because his attention was on you, as pathetic as that sounded you always knew that you seek out validation and attention from Leon. Even if you didn't want to admit the fact to yourself. But you also despised that he was looking at you right now. You knew how pathetic you must've seemed to him. You sat next to him, you hadn't showered in a day or two, your hair was a straggly, stringy mess, the sweatpants and tank top you had on were wrinkled and probably needed a good wash. It almost made you want to beg him to not look at you at all.

"So do you want to talk about it?" Leon asks, his voice came out soft. Almost like a whisper but loud enough to be heard out in the air. It was unlike his usual sarcastic tone that he always responded to you with when you both were together on a normal day.

"Talk about what?" you asked simply. You knew what he was alluding to. The day you came back to the report on the mission. The moment he saw how miserable you looked, in fact you looked more than miserable. Leon was all too familiar with that look. It was a look of fatigue and loss. Like all the innocence and naivety that you once possessed was drained out of you by the time your mission was done. It was a deep look within your eyes that showed all the horrible things you had seen, that you did, that you had to deal with and survive through. Leon knew about it all. He had gone through it all and he remembers the exact moment that it all came crashing down on him like it had on you now. It was Spain. Spain had always haunted him. It was almost like he never left that hellish place since he always seemed to be trapped there in his dreams and it was always something in the back of his mind.

"You called me for a reason." Leon says, trying to look you in the eye. You refused to look at him though. You turned your head downwards to look at your hands. You watched as you fidgeted with your fingernails and still felt Leon's stone gaze on you.

"I don't know why I called you. It was a mistake. I shouldn't have." You utter.

There's a moment of silence and suddenly Leon's hand comes into view as he reaches out and grabs one of your own. It effectively grabs your attention and you look up at him as he grips your hand in his. He starts to softly rub circles into the back of your hand as you look at him, being slightly startled.

"It wasn't a mistake. You can talk to me, sweetheart." he coos.

Fuck. You almost want to melt with how the pet name rolls off his tongue or how he looks at you with all his undivided attention.

Your mouth opens and closes. You go to speak but no words come out. Your mouth goes dry and a choked sound leaves your throat.

"There's...nothing to talk about." you meekly say.

That's when the first tear fell from your eye. Then another and another. Then suddenly you were shaking. Your lungs were burning, your chest ached, your lips trembled. In a pathetic attempt to stop Leon from seeing this sudden emotional display, your free hand goes to cover your face as a sob leaves your throat.

Before you knew it a pair of arms lifts you up and you are pulled into Leon's lap. Your face buried in his neck and his one hand softly combed through your tangled hair as the other hand was tracing circles in your back.

"I know...I know it hurts. Let it out sweetheart." Leon mutters into your hair.

Its like the world crashes around you as you let out sobs and cries. You clutch onto Leon like he's a life line, like he's the only thing grounding you right now. Which may actually be the case as he continues to stroke your hair, rub your back. You even feel a few kisses being pressed to the crown of your head as he talks you through it all.

Even when your breathing starts to become more shallow and it feels like you're suffocating Leon is still there, being calm and grounding you.

"I know it's hard but just breathe for me baby. You can do that can't you?" he softly asks as both hands cup your cheeks so he can fully look at you.

You weakly nod as ragged, choked breaths come in and out of your mouth. You start to feel dizzy but Leon keeps his hands on your cheeks and continues to talk.

"Okay take a deep breath in..." Leon deeply inhales, waiting for you to do the same. You deeply inhale and then watch as Leon slowly exhales. You slowly exhale. He deeply inhales again and you do the same. Then you both exhale and repeat.

"Good girl, that's it. Just breathe." Leon encourages you, still rubbing your cheeks gently. Soon enough your breaths begin to even out as Leon continues to run his thumbs along your cheek bones, soothing you in the process. He especially makes sure to wipe the tears that are still streaming down your cheeks.

As you continue to cry you notice him lean closer and press his forehead against yours and his hands slowly leave your cheeks until they rest on either side of your head.

"I know its hard. Trust me. But I promise you i'll be here, if you allow me to be." Leon whispers as he stares into your eyes.The silence hangs between the both of you, thick and tense, heavy with emotions. Leon pulls you close, wrapping his arms around you as tight as possible.

You almost feel like a child as you grasp onto him. You're still a little teary eyed and weary.

"Will you stay with me...please..." you mutter.

His arms tighten around you a bit more and a slight smile comes to his face. "Of course sweetheart."

[ghoulfuckersincorporated]

I'm not sure if you've answered this before or touched on the subject, my apologies if you have, but would a condom help protect you from most of the radioactivity of ghoul semen? Just a thought, because I've noticed a lot writers use Rad-X or RadAway as a catch-all to safe(ish) ghoul sex; whereas some say there's still damage to be done even with these. But have we considered a condom?!

WARNING: YET ANOTHER RANT ABOUT GHOUL CUM IMMINENT, BRACE FOR IMPACT

And thanks for the ask, Anon. I really do enjoy these ghoul biology questions.

I have touched on the effects of ghoul semen on humans before, largely in this post, but I didn't elaborate much on condom usage. We endorse safe sex here, but...well, let's just say there's a lot more demand for portraying no-condom fucking than there is for the opposite. For this reason, at least personally, I usually just use Rad-X and Radaway as a sort of catch-all since it's basically in-game magic. Plus, my readers yearn for the c r e a m p i e aspect of it all.

Besides, if I'm honest, I'm not convinced that a condom would be of all that much use when fucking a ghoul, at least an older ghoul.

I spent some time browsing through a few research papers and articles about how gamma radiation affects various materials to give a 'not completely bullshit' answer to this. I know a fair amount about how radiation can impact the body, but relatively little about how it can impact non-biological material. Turns out, it's quite hard on most things! Shocker!

I think the biggest determining factor about whether or not a condom would provide you any actual protection with a ghoul lover would be the age and transformation status of the ghoul. I've mentioned before how I theorize that they become more radioactive over time, even if they never enter a more advanced stage of ghoulification, like becoming a glowing one.

A newly-transformed ghoul would likely both have lower levels of radiation in their bodily fluids AND no sperm (as I elaborated on in my post about ghoul-fathered pregnancy), so a condom would really only provide protection from the mild damage and irritation that prolonged or repeated exposure to low-level rads would cause your vaginal/anal/oral tissue. Not to say that isn't helpful! No one really likes the idea of being all raw from mild radiation burns inside them, and sometimes you just wanna go a half-dozen rounds with your high-stamina lover with no stress. Besides, if you're not a ghoul yourself, less overall radiation exposure is an unquestionable good.

Older ghouls (and obviously those who are in more advanced stages of ghoulification), being more radioactive overall in this scenario, also have much more radioactive fluids. Obviously anyone who is pre-war would fall under this category, but frankly anyone who has been a ghoul for more than a few decades is probably gonna be pretty "hot" overall. Low rad-resistance/low endurance folks may need to strongly consider alternative forms of intercourse, especially if Rad-X and Radaway aren't available or sufficient. With partners like this, the condom keeping the semen confined inside it means it's effective in stopping things that have to actively work to infect you (sperm, viruses/bacteria, etc.), but radiation doesn't work like that. It can easily impact you negatively if you're simply close enough to the source of it without any direct contact. If I wrapped a polonium core in a condom and shoved it inside you, you would still get incredibly sick and burned, and I think essentially the same would apply to telling your older ghoul partner to use extant barrier contraception (condoms, diaphragms, cervical caps, etc.). Honestly, if they have a high enough rad level, they may just literally melt straight through whatever you're using.

It is possible that ghoul-friendly contraception could be created, at least in my opinion. But it would be complicated and difficult to find something that "ticks all the right boxes", per se. For obvious reasons, you wouldn't want a lead wool diaphragm or a cadmium-lined condom or anything like that. I understand there are a lot of different polymers/plastics that are resistant to radiation, and I'm sure that some of them are made of components that wouldn't necessarily be harmful to have inside you, especially since some of them are used to manufacture things like radiation PPE (personal protective equipment like gowns/gloves/shields/radiation blankets/etc.). However, I don't have a broad enough understanding to say for sure whether or not any of these polymers would make for the sort of material you could manufacture physical/barrier contraception from. I have a degree in a biology-heavy STEM field and not a pure-chemistry STEM field for a reason. Either way, I feel like it might be a little hard to get your hands on material like that, at least consistently, 200+ years after a nuclear apocalypse, unless you could find a way to freshly manufacture it. If you're going older in terms of your search for a ghoul partner, you're probably better off sticking to Rad-X and Radaway, overall.

If I, personally, were president in the Fallout universe, whatever funds that were earmarked for scientific research would be reallocated to figuring out how to mass-produce and distribute a ghoul-friendly form of contraception. I think it would be a great healing step for what remains of America if all the ghouls and all the smoothskins could get in a big pile and just fuck it out. Vote for me.

[dodje-melai]

Can we talk about how fucking sweet Hobie would be in a relationship?

He’d treat you so well every single moment he’s with you. He’d never treat you bad and would always make sure you feel appreciated and wanted.

You guys probably wouldn’t have an official title to your relationship because Hobie “doesn’t believe in labels” (he’s joking when he says that), but everyone who knows you knows that you two are basically dating. However, if it matters to you about putting a label on your relationship with him, he’d be totally cool with doing that. He wouldn’t mind you calling him your partner publicly, and he’d love to do the same with you.

“I don’t mind puttin’ a label on us, luv. Whateva makes ya happy.”

Hobie would treat you almost daily with handmade gifts, or gifts he bought from a small family-owned shop, or something he just stole from a corporate-owned store if it’s something you really really want. He’d also treat you by taking you out, mainly to cool places that he’s found while swinging around. He’d also take you out to concerts by either stealing tickets or sneaking you in.

“‘Ey doll, got us sum tickets to a band ya like.”

“What? Hobie, these tickets are crazy expensive! How the hell did you buy these?”

“I ain’t ever said I bought ‘em.”

And sometimes, if he thinks you’re tough enough for it and you’re willing to go, he’ll take you to riots with him. He’d hold your hand or your hip or just anywhere he can so that he doesn’t lose you in the crowd. He makes sure that nothing bad happens to you, which his spidey sense makes it easier for him to do so. Though if you were to somehow get hurt he’d feel guilty for letting that happen, and he’d patch you up and make sure you heal properly.

“Hobie, I’m fine. I just scraped my knee—“

“I don’t want ya gettin’ an infection, dove. The road’s dirty. Now quit squirmin’, I’m tryna disinfect it.”

Aside from gift giving and quality time, Hobie’s other love language is physical touch. He loves to hold you, kiss you, touch you, anything that involves being close to you. He’ll hold your hand or your hip while walking, and he’ll either hold your waist or slip his hand into your back pocket while you’re standing together. If you’re sitting, he’ll always have his hand on your thigh. Always. Sometimes he’ll even try to sit you on his lap if he wants to be extra close to you.

“Mm… c’mere babes, I wanna be closer to ya.”

“Hobie, I’m literally sitting on top of you. I can’t get any closer.”

“Yes ya can, you’re just not tryin’ hard enough.”

I think a very important aspect of being in a relationship with Hobie would be effective communication. Yes that’s important in all relationships, but it’s extremely important for him especially. He always wants to be aware of what’s too much for you so that he doesn’t cross any boundaries, and if he did, he wants you to feel comfortable enough to tell him what he did. He hates the thought of miscommunication ruining your relationship.

“Darlin’, I can tell somethin’ is wrong. Ya can tell me anythin’, ya know that yeah?”

Hobie is undoubtedly a very loyal partner. He would never even think of cheating on you. You’re practically his everything at this point. He doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost you; it doesn’t matter how he loses you, any way would be devastating. In turn, he trusts that you are very loyal too. He knows that you’d never cheat on him or flirt with someone else. Why would he date you if he didn’t trust you?

“Ya know I trust ya mo’ than anyone, yeah?”

Hobie doesn’t get jealous or overly possessive. He knows you’re his, there’s no need to consistently flaunt that. Besides, it’s fun watching you tell people that are flirting with you that you’re not single. But if some bastard wants to keep flirting with you after you’ve made it clear that you’re taken and uninterested, then he’ll step in and put that bastard in their place.

“Oi, fuck off mate. They ain’t interested in you.”

Something important about Hobie is that he’ll never lie to you. He keeps secrets, but if you find out about something and confront him about it, he’ll tell you the truth. Even if the secret you found out is that he’s Spider-Man.

“Hobie, this is a serious question, so I need you to tell me the truth. Are you really, genuinely Spider-Man?”

“Yep, I am. You’re a smart one, dove. How much snoopin’ have you been doin’ lately?”

“…I swear to god if you’re messing with me right now I will punt you.”

“Not jokin’. I’m a hundred percent serious, especially ‘bout ya bein’ very smart.”

Basically I think being his partner would be nice :)

[macgyvermedical]

Harm Reduction Ideas for Substance Use Disorder

Recently I have been listening to a podcast called The Curbsiders Addiction Medicine. If you are a clinician that works even sometimes with people who use substances (every clinician ever), it is a fantastic look at all the harm reduction practices you can use to make these individuals safer. Plus, you get free CME.

I’m hardly going to do the podcast itself justice with this post, but I wanted to share some things I learned from it:

If the dangers of using substances (social and legal consequences, time commitment, health problems, money problems, etc…) was a deterrent, people wouldn’t be doing it. But it’s not. Because uncontrolled substance use is a chronic disease that generally does not get better without treatment. When people are treated, not only do they generally use less, but they have a much lower chance of death and a much higher chance of a happy, productive life- whatever that means for the patient.

Previously (even a few years ago) we hung such treatment on the requirement that people be abstinent from substances in order to receive help. This works for some people, but far from everyone.

The evidence shows that best thing we can do for many individuals is to make their use safer and less of a burden on their life and health. This is called harm reduction, and it WORKS.

Here are some evidence-based ideas for how to help your patients:

Create a space where you are working together with your patient and following your patient’s lead. Do they want to become abstinent? Great! Do they want to use less or use in a more controlled way? Also great! Do they want to continue use in a safer way? You guessed it, also great! Support them in whatever their goal is

Provide or prescribe safe, clean tools of use. Things like clean needles, Pyrex pipes, and straws. This decreases rates of infection and abscesses

Prescribe medications that reduce cravings or reduce/eliminate withdrawal (methadone, buprenorphine, topiramate, bupropion, naltrexone) without requiring abstinence

Teach people safer use practices and safer routes, such as rectal (booty bumping) or oral (parachuting) instead of injection drug use

Prescribe PrEP if people are at risk of HIV without requiring abstinence

Test for and treat the consequences of substance use (such as HIV and Hep C) without requiring abstinence

Provide fentanyl and xylazine test strips so people know what is in the substances they are using and can adjust doses/use pattern accordingly

Recommend Never Use Alone hotlines to prevent overdose death or better yet, take turns using with a buddy

Prescribe naloxone to anyone who uses any substance- nearly all street drugs are contaminated with synthetic opioids and naloxone is an effective way to prevent deaths

People use substances for a reason, especially early in their journey- pain, coping with depression/other mental illness, ADHD, and social issues like being unhoused. Treat the problem if you can find it, and you can help people significantly decrease use or use in a more controlled way

Be aware that return to use (or return to uncontrolled use) is a thing you can plan for with the patient and manage before it even happens

It’s hard sometimes to change the idea of addiction/substance use disorder as something that can only be treated as a reward for staying sober. But thats why so few people seek treatment for it. The evidence does not equivocate. Harm reduction WORKS.

[cenorii]

Complicated things between Birkin and Wesker

Here I'll try to get to the bottom of why Birkin condemned his friend to death and why, through his fault, Wesker is doomed to be HIV (Progenitor) infected even if he stops using PG67A/W. Dealing with canon and delving into the dark side of lore...

Let's start right away with what I've intrigued you with - Wesker's infection. I compared his infection with the prototype virus to HIV for a reason, because there are many similarities. When Wesker became infected and mutated, he became a perpetual carrier of the virus in his blood. Every particle his body carries the virus. And for some reason this fact isn't brought up at all in the fandom… I haven't seen anyone discuss how infectious Wesker actually is. Like HIV, Progenitor strains are classified as retroviruses.

Wesker is just as contagious as any other creature that has been under the sway of any strain of Progenitor, because there are no exceptions in this case. Thanks to a successful symbiosis with the virus, he doesn't attack humans and has only gotten positive attributes from it, but that's the only thing that makes him less contagious than normal infected.

Even if he stops using PG67A/W, which stabilizes his abilities gained from the virus, it won't fix his situation, because even without PG67A/W the virus will continue to exist in his body, there is no connection between this injection and the virus in his blood, it's just a stabilizer supplement.

Getting his body fluids (for example, blood) into someone else's body would cause an immediate reaction and infection. Knowing what a small survival threshold the prototype virus has and how selective it is, the person would probably just die on the spot. The prototype is not capable of creating random zombie-like mutations, it has only two outcomes - death or success. So the precautions here are the same as for HIV positive people. I wouldn't recommend Chris with open wounds to shoot Wesker up close, because if his blood gets on the wound, it could cause irreversible effects. Of course, such a battle tactic is beneath Wesker's dignity, but I would recommend that he bite his opponents. This would prove to be much more effective than a hand punch, as even Chris can easily dodge that punch. However, I'd like to see him try to dodge someone who wants to claw at his flesh at breakneck speed…

Now let's talk about Birkin. He knew the effects of the prototype virus because he had personally worked on this particular strain. He lied to Wesker about the survival rate after injection (File "Virus Memo" from "Umbrella Chronicles"). His information is a lie because out of 13 Weskers, only two survived the injection of the prototype virus. The survival rate is clearly not 90% as he said, but about 15.3%. Birkin knew that his comrade was at risk of dying, so he could have given him the fake injection and lied to him along the lines of "it's something special, but you can't be injured after the injection or you'll die", thus safeguarding Wesker from the urge to throw himself on Tyrant's claws and also safeguarding his humanity. But Birkin was afraid to go against Spencer, however the old man would never have known whether or not Wesker had injected himself with the virus if Birkin had said he had handed him the syringe. I also think that Birkin was unaware of Wesker's immunity, so by giving him the virus under the guise of a panacea, he was sending his friend to his death. You could say it's a cruel and selfish act on his part.

Although, there is a slight possibility that Birkin could have taken tests from Wesker beforehand and calculated that he was immune, which is why he attributed such unrealistically high survival rates to the prototype virus. In that case, his act has a modicum of nobility, since it's unlikely that anyone took tests from the other 12 Weskers. But that's just a theory, we don't know if he really knew about it and if Birkin could have really selfishly thrown Wesker to his fate, turning him into one of his (and Spencer's) test subjects.

[quinloki]

I'm not even into yandere normally but I'm thinking about a polyam yandere situation with some of the WBP division commanders. Maybe you were a stowaway, maybe you were a hostage they couldn't bear to get rid of. Regardless you're entrapped between the group of them now. With such a large crew someone always has eyes on you. They rotate you between different DCs to sleep with, like a prized possession they share.

Also, if anyone is too harsh with you, there's always Marco to heal and soothe any injuries. He seems like the softest, most rational one--but in reality he's the most obsessed.

WB lets it happen--anything to keep his sons happy and under control.

Help it's too early to have these thoughts OTL

… you can’t do this to me.

You can’t

I…

Gods -

You get hurt defending one of them- you’re no one really, just some islander, never left your village hardly never mind your island, but the WBP have been protecting the place for half your life. You watched things improve.

Like most people you lookup to them, so when other pirates start a fight with them at port you’re staying out of the way, but you’re also close by. You’re not much of a fighter, but you want to see them fight, you want to witness your heroes being heroes. You’re so unskilled comparatively that you don’t realize that Marco isn’t moving because he knows an attack is coming, you think the attack is working.

Moving before you can speak the realization hits all three of you at once. The pirate turns toward you as Marco turns to see who those third person is, and it all happens just fast enough he can’t stop you from taking the strike. Clumsy and accidental, it’s still deep. Deadly, if not mortal.

The white beard pirates erupt in ferocity - they had been holding back cause they don’t treat weaker crews cruelly, but now someone under their care has been harmed. The battle barely lasts a second after that.

You’re in Marco’s arms, flames flaring around you as he takes you back to the ship. It takes days - fighting off infection and fever with his help, he and some of the other commanders listen your fever dreams - your devotion, and they watch you struggle to live. The offending crew will be on the bottom of the ocean if you don’t pull through.

When you come around there’s a celebration. You are quickly effectively adopted by the crew. You’re so enamored with all of them, these great men you idolize, that you are on your best and kindest behavior. You couldn’t dare to put them out or offend them.

By the time you’re fully recovered you realize that something’s wrong. No one’s talking about how they’ll miss you. No one’s talking about getting you home. They’ve talked about your room, your space, your home and you realize they don’t mean the island.

You stand at the railing of the great ship, so large you hadn’t barely felt the list and tilt of the waves from your recovery bed, and you see naught but sea.

Marco puts a hand on your shoulder and when you look up at him you see a darkened face and fiery eyes, a fierce and demanding gaze hidden in the hooded eyes that always seemed so docile. Thatch, Izou, Ace, and a couple other commanders are standing around. Their kind smiles and warm expressions slightly off just like Marco’s.

Menacing to you with your new understanding.

“Don’t worry, yoi.” Marco says, even and clear voice oddly reassuring, equally terrifying. “We’ll keep you safe, pretty bird.”

And Marco is the constant. It’s his eyes you see in the dim edges of the kitchen when the drugged food Thatch is giving you starts to take effect. Marco sitting in for tea with Izou, while you’re bound in shibari, elegant and beautiful and immobile. Marco who pulls Ace off you when he’s fallen asleep buried inside you and you’re too tried to get out from under him.

Marco who sits on Pops’ shoulder when you’re called to talk to the Captain.

Marco who soothes your rope burns and relieves the ache of bruising marks even as he moves over you, laying you down so sweetly beneath him. Don’t worry sweet little bird, he’ll be so gentle, so precise, so sing for him in that song that no one else gets to hear.

[cherri-balms]

♡﹕𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓, 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓! — PROLOGUE

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A/N﹕YAY I FINALLY FINISHED THE PROLOGUE FOR MY FIRST SERIES!

This is the first full fledged fanfic I have written in a long time, I hope anyone who finds this finds it enjoyable, I had a fun time writing this prologue chapter and I currently have around a 10-12 chapter vision for this series as it stands, but if this proves to be something you guys like I will be happy to extend the series! I do plan to create a tag list, if you would like to be added shoot me a DM and I will add you to the list! As always any replies will be made through our main acc @caravan-mad!

This prologue pretty much gives most if not all the information about the reader aside from important plot details. I wanted the reader's demon form and time period to be as ambiguous as possible and limit the use of Y/N, the reader in this story has allegories to butterflies.

Not all chapters will have warnings nor does this one, however the full fic will contain dark content and will be under the dead dove do not eat tag.

Some content will include but are not limited to: Unhealthy relationship dynamics, N.SFW, Unrequited love, Yandere themes, Dubcon, and pretty much any tag youd find listed in Hazbin Hotel tbh

𝐄 × 𝐌/𝐅 × 𝟐.𝟔𝐤 × 𝐎𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 × 𝐀𝐎𝟑

♡﹕Bored at work performing repetitive choreography and pleasing faceless demons, you find yourself reminiscing on life, death, and limbo.

♫ envy baby ~ ♫

“Lights clear? Sounds clear?” 

“We’ve been fucking over this Steven! We’ll know it’s clear when they finally stop tuning our shit-” 

“Anne chill, we still have six minutes till airing. Don’t waste all your energy on the roadie.” 

“That crowd doesn’t seem to be getting any quieter does it…” The little imp’s observations were now only being met by eyerolls and silent treatment by the two drummer girls as the completed instruments silenced in countdown. 

Lights crew above, sounds crew from behind, and effects team surround. The way every single backstage member of your cast would run and scurry around you to get their various tasks done always made you think of little mice, rats even, so worked up making sure everything was in perfect position before those curtains had a chance to stop separating you, from them.

It was cute enough to make you laugh as though you were still a highschool girl.

“Broadcasting live in 60 seconds!” Dark blue scene lighting begins to fade your entire surrounding to a pitch black, and among doing so freezes your little mice into statues all around. Only the tiniest crack in the fabric ahead illuminated the space with a sharp vertical line down the curves of the figure that stands as the adorning center piece of this particular attraction. Roaring bass brings about a quake to the stage beneath your feet, queuing time for you to give your puppies a treat.

“Awwwe~ Did we leave you waiting long?” The volume of pure passionate devotion always rang to your ears louder than any electrical speaker could achieve. 

The wave of the new future adorned in electrical inventions was something you’ve always been prepared to face; why even in the faint blur of the overworld it was all the grown ups could ever yap enough of! No, that wasn’t where that bitter taste came from.

In the full truth of things, you just never knew you’d stick around long enough to bear full witness to its infection of mankind.

Oh come on. Who are we kidding right now?

“Hi. I wanna people save, all right? ”

You’ve never been more liberated.

“You’re in m-my way!!”

Your eyes have but a second to adjust to the flood of bright neon before life hits play once again. The choreography you, and and the other 4 devils fanned out beside you have programmed into your bodies for the past months flow across the stage with ease. among the camera men you can make out the mass of waving pen lights stirred ablaze after the long anticipation, oh how you love they always use the color dearest to your heart…

“The tightrope falls, broken by others”

Once you felt the rushing high of the stage the first time around tolerance for it subsided immediately after. You’ve seen the looks on those poor saps down in the front row, each one hyper fixated on every movement you make wishing they could be you, or be up here with you.

And of course, you all flash them bright smiles, longing gazes and praise them with verses of purity more fitting for the angelic souls looming up above. Customer service is the utmost desired, as they say!

“What a lady, she’s gonna jump

towards the light and shatter humiliatingly”

Actually, can you even remember when your first performance was? How old were you even? All of this came from a cheap shot of gaining a few quick pennies back in the day. Landing yourself a handsome and rich husband with the filth you wore on your back was the first childhood dream you found dead on arrival, but what you were cursed in status you were blessed with the cuteness that made kittens hiss in envy. To say you had “the voice of a goddess” would mayhaps be a bit too presumptuous, but who were you to refute the compliment when it came your way?

Well, maybe trying to parse through finding the day your career debuted or took off was a fool's errand, but the moment it ended certainly still remains as a burned film stuck to your mind. You stopped caring about the “Oh woes me~ what did I do to deserve this~” a long time ago. Still, the punishment you received in death far exceeded what you ever did to earn in your eyes, more so than your sentencing of eternal damnation.

“High and without care I’m lonely, lonely”

Right on que, as always every time you reach exactly 32 seconds into your first song the intrusive memory flashes the same images of the past over your current reality it almost feels as if you were stuck suffering that fate again each time.

You wish there was more to say on the matter of your demise, but there’s only a brief two second window between staring down some heckling loud mouth making a scene in the crowd and a bomb beneath the stage going off before your soul is falling down under the earth’s crust as a blazing comet onto the asphalt below.

And two days before your 21st birthday too are you serious?! UN-Fucking believable!

“From their idle words, the clown becomes a prisoner”

The only thing you wanted to do was scream in the immense burning agony you were suffering until the whole world knew the kind of pain you were in, but each time you cried not even a croak could get past your scorched throat

Even after the blazes subsided and your charred cocoon was all that was left behind, the inferno decided your vocal chords were going to be its payment.

…. That was it?

This was your payout…

And after all that work…

“It’s the same love as always, no way I’d have regrets”

Surreal didn’t even begin to describe what became of the following weeks, months, you haven’t a clue. The construct of night and day seemed to mean jack in the bizzare wonderland of maddness holding you, only so much telling what shade of putrid red in the sky was darker than the same shade of fucking red from two hours ago! What a productive way to spend your newfound endless time!

Every aspect of this place made you absolutely sick, enough so to have you still praying you just were drugged and having the worst trip of your fucking life, but the horror in maddness is the consistency that lies between the lines. You’re certain that damned illuminated “WELCOME TO HELL!” sign and the stranger you befriended in the mirror was that line that made you finally cave.

“Hey, it's a amazing.”

Honestly, you couldn’t say what specifically led you into the epiphany you had, all of a sudden one day you heard a sudden snapping sound in your conscience, and like that everything made sense to you. Why your life was snuffed before you could emerge from your cocoon, why your makers deemed this your new home, and why that bomb taking your life just wasn’t enough to deem your afterlife a hell.

There was a certain liberation that came with hell that you were never going to get being the glowing little diamond you were in human society, through terrorism, cannibalism and bloodshed one thing would remain a constant throughout devil society. No one would ever give a damn about anything.

Hell became your fucking playground by the time your first extermination came around, and keeping on the move while broke as shit was a cakewalk this time around, but your first encounter with an overlord after catching your foot in the grave in the casino humbled your inflating ego. Chaos for society did not necessarily mean chaos without hierarchy, and going without a voice to call your own put you at an extreme disadvantage.

“LA-LA-LA!”

The crescendo of the opener is right around the corner, for the leading front and center of your group your vocals and choreography had primarily remained reserved for backup. The primary color of lights among the crowd made the obvious clear with who the majority of these demons were here to see, your manager was aware of this more than anyone else.

Your fans tended to be aware of this for a majority of your shows, your parts in particular tended to stand out even as mere background vocals.

“I’m ready for this this lover baby! 

My garden of love is in danger from a drawing hand. 

Truly, this this lover’s crazy! 

In the garden of harm, the bud of a human is a lie-ai-a!”

Sinners rejoice once the solo everyone was edging towards drops with the bass of the loudspeakers and the flares of the strobes above. The pitches your vocals were now capable of hitting and the frequency you were able to synthesize between notes wasn’t just inhuman, it was impossible for any singer whose notes carried on oxygen.

Your manager always made it a note in the writing room or when creating your setlists that overfeeding wolves with delicious treats would dull the taste over time, your solo singles often did well enough to prove this didn’t need to always be the case, but whenever it came to the business decisions you always put your full trust in him. Where you are standing right now is more than enough proof in your eyes that he knew exactly where and when to move his pawns, and in doing so he turned you into a valiant queen.

“Ah! I love you and even things about you I probably shouldn’t love 

I love you too much, on a count of one and two 

Lie-lie loving you, such words 

and doing such things, you’re in m-my way!”

Survival was of the least of your concerns after so much time had passed, but survival was all you could find yourself able to do in your forced retirement. Where you yearn for character in sound you were able to temporarily find when turning to radio, but living vicariously only quenches so much before greed starts cozying up within.

Plausible excuses for your laziness were wearing thinner by the day, even the last sane smolder of human morality trying to keep itself sparked wanted nothing more than to argue you weren’t supposed to be living to the fullest in hell, but the mute silence in your throat was beginning to phase your memory of the voice your inner conscience called its own too, and you'd sooner go mad trying than wither away again a fucking waste.

“Here comes the love maniac who never misses,

Stack up all the whining,

Fall in a high-fi love lie-ai-a!”

Overlords were still beings that had you nauseous upon first glance, your first meeting of one of these overlords had you vowing to never end up in the claws of one again, should you find yourself in a deal you can’t unbind yourself out of. Pride stuck thick to the roof of your mouth and there was nothing more you wanted to do than stick to your morals and prove use on your own, but reality had pelted you with stones throughout your entire afterlife.

You were going to need to write out a loan before you’d find yourself with any ounce of power to call your own, not like you didn’t have options for whom to choose! Even so, you needed to keep a steady head and an even sharper nose. In your ponderance you'd come to realize there was only really one option for you to go to this whole time. Maybe that gambling kitty taught you a valuable lesson on staking bets in the long run.

“Copy their acting and keep the truth hidden

Stacking three and lonely, lonely 

You’re surely a clown, a prisoner”

A bet on the future was what you were going to stake it all on.

“Copy their acting and keep the truth hidden

Stacking three and lonely, lonely 

You’re surely a clown, a prisoner”

Everything about how the world operated changed so rapidly from the days walking in the sunlight to your eternal party in the redlight, the wave of the future had finally hit with the promise for a solution to everyones problems. There couldn’t have been any better timing, if technology was going to be the way of the future, who's to say you couldn’t prove what was achievable? Like that, you had your sales pitch. The hardest part on your end was complete.

“Hey, it's a amazing.

LA-LA-LA!”

“So you were a singer in life and lost your voice in death, and just what the fuck made you think I was the man to go to for this?” Those were the magic words you were waiting for, with his composure shaken it wasn’t long before he was the one asking the questions and allowing the ball to move into your court. Your fingers dance on the illuminated tablet laying on the table once again before you flip it over toward his direction.

~Have your inventions not made it to that level of advancement yet?

Hook, line, and sinker. You had a hunch a passive aggressive challenge toward the ego would be what ultimately won you over with any overlord you chose, but the speed in which he stood from his desk and held out his hand, it felt almost too easy.

“If it’s a new voice you wish to invest in, consider your stocks opened, Monarch!” Finally…

“I’m ready for this this lover baby! 

My garden of love is in danger from a drawing hand.”

“Now for what you have to offer me,” You don’t care. “I hope you weren’t planning on extorting me out of a generous gift and then making the big bucks with it, hm?” These overlords just love to hear themselves go on.

“Truly, this this lover’s crazy! 

In the garden of harm, the bud of a human is a lie-ai-a!”

“I suppose I could just issue a royalty for your voice, after all you wouldn’t be making a sound without my tech. Lucky for you, I’ve been having fleeting thoughts of entering the music industry. So why not invest in each other instead~”

“Ah I love you and even things about you I probably shouldn’t love 

I love you too much, on a count of one and two”

Being owned by an overlord in the end wasn’t so bad, or maybe this is the fated “stockholm syndrome” everyone seems to be crying about these days. Either way, the biggest price you had to pay in the end was just having someone else do all the “business” part in show business.

Naive maybe, but rosey eyed you weren't. For all that he’s done you still fail to see how your end of the deal has in any way repaid what’s given, which can only lead to one thing down the line. You were going to have to give him your everything.

… Yet, how could you find yourself ungrateful to someone who fulfilled your afterlife dream and still continued to provide for you?

“Lie-lie loving you, such words and even such things, they’re in m-my way!”

The audience went absolutely ballistic at the final group pose signifying the end of your opening set, some of the really hardcore fans in the front row you swore passed out the second eye contact was made.

Yet when you turn your chin upward to the VIP section after performing your tricks so well, all you’re met with is a turned back and a schmoozed up producer instead of a tasty bone.

“Thank each and every one of you for coming to see us tonight!!” No, you only wanted him to come out to see you.

Only you.

Hey, Vox?

Can you just turn your stupid flat head this way?

[ancientbygone]

bygone lore: Sleep

finally found it in me to write my thoughts/worldbuilding on Sleep in one place. this is taking so much courage to post this to the public, no joke, so i hope it's entertaining! not sure how much sense it all will make, but nevertheless.

okay, so. i just don't think Sleep is any sort of sleep/dream deity. not for any solid reason, just because 1) the only descriptions we get of it are secondhand from what Sleep has told to Vessel & i personally have no reason to trust Sleep with how manipulative that shit is and 2) i think it would be more fun that way, especially taking the first point into account. i legit just think that Sleep lied to Vessel about its nature to further whatever goals it had and Vessel passed the information onto us oblivious to the truth. i still think it's a relatively powerful supernatural force though. easy enough for a human like Vessel to be convinced that it is a god. more of a feeling than an actual entity, but still with its own sentience and wants and goals. could be whatever makes the most sense to anyone, but my personal take on what Sleep is instead of a dream god (what it is in my version of the lore) is that it's all the desires of every living thing congealed into a single being with a mind of its own. 

[cont. under the cut]

i think that works well personally! the lyrical themes of give/take and longing and Wanting from both sides make sense with it. even the "i want to want to live, and so do you" in Fall For Me. Sleep is driven by wanting, and being made from wanting itself, when it gets what it wants it just continues to go further, to the next step of its desires, ever insatiable. it becomes entwined with Vessel because when they meet for the first time, they want the same thing. they're both dying, and still they want to want to live. to be more precise, Sleep wants fuel; its existence relies largely on humans, and it needs someone who feels strongly and passionately (please don’t ask me why it’s dying, i don’t even know and don’t want to look too much into it). Vessel, on the other hand, wants a way to turn around his life that he may or may not have driven into the ground, and he believes that it cannot be fixed by any existing means, which is why he's lost all hope in living anymore. but those two desires perfectly coincide, do they not? they can help each other get what they want. so they try. 

it doesn't work out. it backfires horribly, in fact. i've talked about it before, but i think it's very important to mention regardless. Sleep, being pretty much desire incarnate, may have harbored certain negative feelings of its own towards humanity, but they never would've become anything if it were not for Vessel. Vessel's anger at the world around him, the way he believes he has been wronged by everyone, is palpable, and with Sleep having to draw on Vessel's emotions to survive for the time being, that anger infects it, too. the passive unnamed negativity becomes a strong desire to take revenge. with all of it combined, Sleep's supernatural power and Vessel's uncontrollable rage slowly takes over both of them, and Him is born, a despicable thing. it's all-consuming blind rage taking on a mind of its own, much like how Sleep came to be but so much more unstable and volatile. the revenge on humanity doesn't go further than a single person torn to bits with bare hands and teeth, both too dull to be effective, but that thing is nothing it not fucking determined. it does fall apart immediately after, though, because it was barely together as is and killing someone was the tipping point for Vessel's consciousness somewhere deep in there. plus Vessel’s body honestly couldn't sustain Him for much longer. sorry for the tangent, i really love talking about that fucked up abomination.

but yeah, this experience changes both of them forever. Sleep gets a taste of feeling human emotions to a full extent, arguably even more so because of just how much Vessel feels; Vessel gets a taste of wielding inhuman power and releasing his emotions through it. Sleep's usual straightforward path of progression (just gaining more power, more control over more things) diverges as it realizes that it needs to feel like humans do again. Vessel, on the other hand, is fucking terrified of Him or something similar coming back, so he closes himself off and tries to repress his feelings back down again. he won’t let Sleep in again no matter how much he wants to be able to express his emotion with the same intensity as he feels them again. Sleep is well aware that Vessel wants that sort of relationship back, too. Sundowning is essentially Sleep trying to win Vessel back over and convince him to “help each other” once again, and realizing by Blood Sport that if Vessel doesn’t think he can handle it this time, he just needs to be made better suited for it. unfortunately, Sleep finds that breaking Vessel’s spirit, making him entirely emotionally dependent on it, and practically isolating him from the only people he interacts with on the daily (his bandmates) by stripping away his humanity in their eyes is very much a working strategy for getting him where it wants him to be.

Sleep’s tactics of manipulation are… algorithmic? for the lack of a better word, in the way that it doesn't really have a reason why exactly it's doing things other than that they're what's worked on Vessel so far. no real understanding of human psychology and whatnot, only trial and error until it pushes the correct set of buttons in the right order at the right time. it does learn more and more as their relationship progresses. Sleep also doesn’t exactly lie; it’s shapeless by nature & only able to embody what others put into it, and even then to a certain extent. it only really talks & shows itself to Vessel at any point because of their connection, and it’s able to draw from all of his emotions instead of just desire like any other human for that same reason. no matter what form Sleep takes, it’s always akin to a shadow, although the exact way the shadows look depends on who Sleep is showing itself to - drawing (pun intended) from Vessel’s artistic heart, Sleep looks to him like pencil on paper. Sleep does distort reality much in the same way that any emotion might - it pushes things to their extremes, makes them seem larger than life to get a response. as it grows and becomes more powerful in itself, it stops being able to appear as something smaller than it is, so pretty much any form it takes is an exaggeration of what it’s imitating. this ties directly into the mimics (see this (tmbte) and this (sundowning) for context), but also just. anything that Sleep appears as to Vessel. during TPWBYT, Vessel feels like his emotional repression is suffocating him, and Sleep’s most commonly assumed form during that time is a literal ocean that Vessel is often trapped in, drowning. during TMBTE, Vessel feels like he cannot escape his situation no matter how miserable it makes him feel, and Sleep appears to him as a reaper, taking that thought to its extreme conclusion that Vessel's only salvation might as well be death. even though Sleep isn’t a dream deity, its appearances still function on dream logic somewhat; it invokes the feeling of something in one’s subconscious that what they’re seeing is the actual thing Sleep is imitating, even if the actual visual resemblance is minor (that makes sense right please tell me it does).

what happens to Sleep once Vessel breaks free from him for good… i’m not entirely sure, honestly. it’s definitely not going to just disappear; a being of desire is going to exist as long as we still feel it. it isn’t gonna chase after Vessel, and i’m not really sure if it’d try and seek out another person to form a similar connection with. maybe we, the audience of Sleep Token living and feeling through Vessel’s music that has come from all his pain, sustain it well enough now. i don’t think it matters that much anyhow; Sleep is entirely unscathed either way afterwards, unlike Vessel. maybe i’ll figure out a little more eventually.

[secretpostsposts]

Hello so I have a question that I have been meaning to ask about for probably 2 days but what would happen if the brothers from your au (Beloved little brother AU) met my Troll au (One of the au about the infected au but mines a little different) my au isn't really in any app where you could ready cause I only use it when making up stories in my mind... I never write them cause I'm not a good writer... Anyways here's the version of branch in my AU (If you have any questions because this is kind off confusing then pls ask because I really wanna know how the brothers would react to this little au of mine)

Ok... someone dared him to go to the forest with a spear just incase the creature (The one that's supposed to be a myth lurking in the deep dark forest at night...which carries around a virus a dangerous one) is actually real...and stay in the forest for 2 hours....he never came back and went missing for 2 weeks...when they found him he looked different and acted more hostile... He was covered in blood... It didn't look like all of it was his... The thing they got disturbed the most was the Bite mark that had black veins growing.... Whatever happened in that forest and the days he was missing must have made him crazy with paranoia, anxiety, fear, and worry... he was still holding the spear he brought... it was covered in blood... his friends (The snack pack) surrounded him trying to reassure him that everything is going to be ok... but stepping forward towards him while he was near an edge of a cliff was really a bad idea... he must of been hallucinating from the way he looked at them... the last step back he took made him slip and fall from the cliff which he landed on spikes below piercing his body.... killing him...

But I saw how you don't like the idea of branch dying so let's change that to extremely injured if that makes it any better...

Note: he is grey with few scratches and bruises but the main problem in the Bute mark where he is infected... But considering we changed his fate to getting killed to extremely injured he would be contained in a containment room...

P.S: the reason why he went crazy is in the explanation... He didn't wanna kill or infected anyone else....

Effect/Symptoms: aggressive... Hungry... Crazy/insane...and hostile.... And other effects/symptoms (Cannibalism...)

That's all sorry if this is long...

John had a plan, he went for his other brothers, they would get Branch back and if necessary they would take him to Vacay Island where they could take care of him and keep him safe like they were supposed to do.

He went to Bruce first, he found him through the postcard; It was crazy to find out that he was married and had 13 kids, that was a shock to John; Then they went for Floyd, they were at one of his concerts, it was magnificent; finding Clay was more difficult, it took them 3 days to find Clay, it was a strange encounter, since they had to deal with Princess Viva, they didn't even know that she was not with the rest of the Trolls, she decided to go with them to find her sister Poppy, they were about to leave her alone because Viva was hesitant at the entrance of the sanctuary, John just wanted to go look for his baby brother, he didn't want him to be any further away from his siblings, his family who wanted him safe, but Viva he was making it FUCKING hard for them, he didn't like the girl for it, he could even see that Clay was upset with his "friend" for it.

So they arrived at Pop Village, they talked to some trolls but every time they talked about their Little Brother they went the other way, many ran in the opposite direction shouting for a Poppy, Viva got excited when she heard the name sister, she was alive and that made her made me very happy.

But they were in panic, worried and scared to death, afraid that their little brother would not be here, that it would be late and he would be... Gone.

But then Poppy arrived and a group of friends with a very stupid name approached them, King Peppy was with them, it was a nice family meeting between members of royalty, but Brozone just wanted to find his little brother, see him, hug him. just keep it safe.

When they asked about Branch, he could see how they smiled and all the joy was erased from their faces, Viva looked confused by that, Floyd sobbed by that.

John felt cold, while Bruce and Clay tried to calm Floyd down.

Poppy jumped up and said that Branch was alive and well, as far as he could be, that he was sick, and that they couldn't see him.

John told him that they were brothers, that they were his brothers, that they needed to see him.

One of Poppy's friends pointed to Floyd and asked him if he was Floyd, he obviously said yes and although Peppy didn't seem like he wanted to take them to Branch, Poppy did.

He took them to a bunker, his little brother's bunker, Branch's home, he showed them some rooms, those rooms screamed their names everywhere, just like the rooms at Grandma's house, Branch had copied the rooms, waiting for them to They came back, and now they are here, they just had to apologize and everything would be fine.

He took them to a deep place in the bunker, it was a large room and what looked like a large glass with small holes at the top for air and an even smaller door in which there was a broken plate with food lying around, it was dark at the end. , they couldn't see anything.

And then they saw a tail, John recognized that lock of hair, how many times did he not have to untangle the hair and that lock in the tail when Branch played on the branch at his house, always getting covered in leaves.

Floyd ran towards the glass, drawing Branch's attention, they went after him when something crashed against the glass with force. Clay fell to the floor from shock, Bruce walked away gasping and covering his mouth.

Floyd didn't move, his hands were still on the glass, he was pale, shaking and crying without saying a sound; John was at his side reeling in shock.

Poppy explains that Branch went to the forest because something or someone was being violent, a lot of trolls were scared because someone almost hit them, and Branch went to take care of it, and he didn't come back for 2 weeks, when they went to look for him they found him out of his mind, bathed in blood and that it was not his, at least not all of it, with a big bite on his arm, he was more paranoid than ever, he was violent and he was lashing out, they had to knock him out to bring him here, it was a room where Branch put aggressive animals wounded, where Branch would care for them and then release them.

John wasn't listening to her, he could only see his little brother, his sweet and innocent little brother, he looked bad.

His eyes that were so big and cheerful were cloudy, his pupil covered almost his entire eye, he could barely see the beautiful blue that was once there, his hair was a chaos, his teeth were all fangs and his skin, his arms were full. from a bite, and his mouth had blood.

His brother looked like a wild animal...

He had been eating himself, refusing to eat anything but meat, and even meat sometimes didn't feed him, or so Poppy said.

Branch was banging on the glass when he heard her speak, screaming like an angry animal.

"Branch..." Floyd spoke to him, and Branch stood still as an entrance, just looking at Floyd, and looking at the others, at Clay on the floor crying, at Bruce and John Dory.

"..YOU...ARE BACK..." Branch was smiling, tapping on the glass, John could ignore the blood and wounds; he would swear his baby brother was excited to see them, that he was happy to see his older siblings; as if this were normal

"Yes Branch, we're back." John put his hand on the glass, and his brother's bloody, clawed hand rests on top of his, smiling at his brothers.

I needed to write that, and I love seeing more of your Au, I'm not such a fan of the Infected stories that you've been doing, sometimes I don't understand the story because I lose the thread, so I don't understand them much (but I am a fan of the zombies), so I needed to write something because I like your work!

Well continuing with this, the brothers moved to the bunker (except Bruce who came and stayed for 2 weeks and then returned to Vacay Island), they took care of Branch, John Dory got a muzzle, because one time they tried to get him out of the cage ; They were furious, how dare they put their little brother in a cage like an animal, they are their brothers, they can handle it; So John got a muzzle, because he almost bit Clay when they tried to get him out, and with the muzzle it was easier, they healed his wounds and made sure he looked better.

Bruce fed him, but they had to tie him in an iron chair because the wooden one destroyed it easily, then it was difficult to feed him, because Branch refused, and he started biting his arms again, Bruce realized that Branch liked it. blood, so he started drawing blood with a syringe and a bag, when John Dory found out he did it himself and Floyd and Clay joined in, Branch looked like a child who was given his favorite milkshake when they served him a glass.

And then it was the food, he didn't eat anything, John Dory hunted animals and gave them to Branch, raw, because he didn't seem to like it cooked or sewn, and then he accidentally killed someone, John was shooting a fleet to hunt a small animal for his little brother's breakfast tomorrow, when someone passed by, it was dark, he didn't see it, but it wouldn't be his first death, but it would get him in trouble if someone found out, so he took him to the bunker, he had a fight with his brothers for bringing the corpse, and then, they don't know how Branch got loose, but Branch threw himself on the body, his brothers moved away by instinct, they could never be afraid of their baby brother, and Branch looked so happy eating the poor unknown troll , that they couldn't take that joy away from him, it was sad that some trolls disappeared, but his little brother needed to eat, no one can blame them for wanting to take care of his brother.

No one was allowed to enter the bunker, not Snack Pack, not Viva, Peppy, and much less Queen Poppy.

They don't mind killing as long as their brother can eat and be happy, he's calm when he has meat so he's easy to deal with, Floyd keeps saying it's like dealing with Branch when he was 2 years old.

They are his brothers.

They know how to take care of it...

This was what I had to post, and now it turns out that I deleted a previous question for the wrong answer and two more for deleting the wrong post, it's a sign of what my life will be like in my new cycle at the university (I have to come back on Monday god I have a headache)

And your owner is Au I would like to know more!

[tarotchariot]

I would like to post something very off topic just to ensure others are careful with their pets.

If you have a pet that likes to eat/destroy things and they do so easily: Please take away any toys that include thread or string.

String/rope toys may seem very typical, normal and harmless. They are usually in many households as an easy,cheap option as well. However, there is deep harm that they can cause if the string/rope/thread is ingested.

Of course, all toys will usually have a typical guide to supervise and throw away when destroyed. However, with how messy rope and string can get when bitten or chewed, it may be hard to tell if they have already ingested it, or if you would class it as destroyed.

In my eyes, it is far too risky and the severe repercussions are not communicated effectively enough from these companies. In my experience, I would never have purchased one of these toys in my entire life for any pet, if I had known what it could do. Other toys are much more suitable.

If you do not like to hear about medical injury in detail, or are sensitive, or have had a bad experience - please ignore the rest of this post.

When rope/thread etc is ingested, it cannot be digested. It continues through the stomach and into the digestive tract. The digestive tract is of course an extremely soft and vulnerable organ. To digest and get food through it tends to make small movements to move things along. The string can become entangled in itself and very stubbornly refuses to pass easily. It then can create a blockage in any part of the system. This results in an inability to keep food or water, creating dehydration which can be fatal in itself as well as massive weight loss, vomiting, diarrhea(until nothing can be passed), lethargy and general pain/discomfort.

With all the movement that the organ makes, the string can tighten and become very taught. You know how tough rope etc can be if you pull it against something? For example people have cut meat with string.

If that string or thread continues to be moved it can become very tight and even cut right through the tract. Not just once, but twice, three times or more. It is beyond extreme pain that no animal should suffer. Not only that, there can then be leakages that could be fatal as a result of infection etc.

While of course we know to be generally cautious with our pets, sometimes we may not see things, our pets like to sneak behind our backs sometimes, and we can think something is harmless to the point we don't pay attention. Things can happen in 2 minutes of you doing a chore. There are many situations where things can happen. This is just to warn you that rope toys and similar can create unimaginable situations, especially when you aren't aware of what it can cause when it goes wrong. I highly recommend throwing rope toys away, but if you don't, ensure you are really watching that they're not sneakily eating any of it. I don't recommend leaving them alone with it for even a second.

You may think nothing has ever happened, so it's fine. But you can't 100% control your pet and because of that, something unusual may happen. Something severe. I urge you to be cautious, not to create fear in you, but to reduce it in the future potentially.

Thanks to anyone who reads this, I wish all of you and your pets good luck and amazing health.

[manicpixiefelix]

But, how would Felix and Vampire Reader meet? In a party? They were visiting his old friend Duncan? They had some business with Ser James that they needed to do?

Also; if little Felix saw them when he was a kid, I just know that he had a crush on them!

Okay so I've fucked around with supernatural creature lore a few different times with different fandoms, and I've mixed up yet another new version of vampires for this AU but it diverges pretty significantly from traditional vampire lore.

So in this version, Vampirism is essentially a genetic mutation that can also be passed on like an infection.

You can become a vampire by ingesting a vampire's blood. It has to be ingested; blood to blood contact (like if they bite you but they have a split lip or something) doesn't work, ingesting any other vampire bodily fluid also doesn't work (good news for people wanting to engage in foreplay with vampires and stay human). People turned this way will stay the age that they were turned until they are killed.

You can be born a vampire. Bitten vampires will have their DNA change to having two Vampire genes; vampirism is an inherently recessive gene. A vampire and a person without any vampire parents will have a human child with a dormant vampire gene. If two human people who both have the dormant vampire gene have a child, there is a 1/4 chance the baby will be a vampire. If a vampire and a human with a vampire gene have a child, there is a 3/4 chance the baby will be a vampire.

Born vampires are inherently more powerful than bitten vampires. The most powerful and rarest are those born of two full, born vampire parents.

While vampire venom is one of the many things that keeps humans coming back to them, some to the point of addiction, due to it's intoxicating qualities, especially when released in the blood stream (like when ur bitten on the neck), vampires themselves are inherently VERY allergic to any other vampire's venom. Whether it be on skin, ingested, or in the blood, it's immediately blisteringly painful (actual blisters do form if the venom comes in contact with the skin). Vampire blood and other fluids do not have this effect. Sad news for vampires looking to go down on other vampires, but as long as you don't kiss open mouthed you can still make a baby vampire that will be more powerful than either of you combined. Most vampires obviously don't bother.

All born vampires age at the same rate as humans, but stop aging at 25, once their brain is fully developed.

All this to say that I think the reader and Felix's meeting may even be a little more tragic than the original. They're still just a kid when they meet, but they're kept mostly isolated, especially from their parents, after their powers start properly developing. They're brought out pretty frequently at charity events to coerce patrons into adoring them and listening to them and spending more money when they ask. They're given lines and fake back stories and new personas to play; they're never allowed to tell anyone they're a vampire, especially since they're parents are still keeping up the illusion of being human. They're also not allowed to tell people about their parents still, because this would all look very bad for their parents, obviously.

Felix and Reader meet at the charity auction on the boat. They're both ten. For the first time in their life, the reader is desperately trying not to put out any kind of aura or charm or enthral anyone on the boat, even knowing their parents and "handlers" won't be too pleased about it.

Felix is the first person, they fully believe, to approach them of his own free will in what feels to them like forever. It takes a lot of concentration to keep their aura in check, so they know they come off quite strange, but they've never been allowed to be strange or off-putting before, and even so, Felix doesn't seem to mind.

Its also why they're so weird that first summer at Saltburn; they're working very hard to make the Cattons like them without using their aura and they're very new to that.

Duncan, who is Much Much older than even Saltburn estate itself, is the first to recognise why the reader is struggling, and ends up taking them under his wing. They do actually start off only drinking animal blood that the Cattons have delivered for him, and he's the one who gets them to eventually open up to the family about being a vampire.

The reader, however, isn't always perfect with controlling their aura, and is very worried about whether or not they've earned the affection they get. Except both big early moments/developments in their relationship with Felix (him asking them to bite him, and him telling them he loves them in a kind of childish, summer love way) happen (albeit over two years) when the reader has been making a very focused effort not to charm him with their powers, so they're SHOCKED. Flabbergasted even, that he could genuinely like them that much without any supernatural influence.

I love them possibly too much. God this was a ramble, sorry 😅😅

[dyne-osaur]

might be rambling this might mean nothing but omg has anyone thought about how a huge thing™ in dead boy detectives is how women were wronged ?? (and also not just women who were wronged but boys who were shitty assholes but in this essay i am focusing on how women were wronged) am i looking too much into it.. (this is prob not intentional and i am overthinking as per usual but like)

spoilers duh

also this got really long i apologize

so in episode 1 we meet crystal who is basically like the catalyst for everything happening right and this is kinda obvious but like the whole kinda happens because her toxic demon ex bf stole her memories (fuck you david) and like? that was a horrible thing to happen to her and he sucks boo >:( and also throughout the whole show she has to deal with his shittiness and whatnot

and also in episode 1 we obviously see becky aspen who is like a child (specifically a little girl) who was kidnapped by esther (who also only goes after girls like hello?) and about to be fed to her giant snake which like ?? hey now,,, and they have to go in and save her and i feel like it's kinda important esp with the last episode ("she killed hundreds of little girls to stay young; who gets justice for them?" or smth) like it's built on the backbone of women who were wronged

in episode 2 with the dandelion sprites we have niko who lost her dad and her mom wants her to just be better and the sprites literally like infected(?) her while she was trying to feel better or smth (prob a bit of a stretch ngl) so we don't rly see much of this in episode 2

in episode 3 the most obvious thing of all is that the devlin guy murdered his entire family (his wife and two daughters) because he was a bitch and hated that they wanted to leave him which like ?? okay fragile male ego (as crystal so eloquently puts it) like these girls felt haunted by him in life and even in death they were stuck in a loop getting killed by him over and over and over because of his fear they would leave them. he was controlling and abusive and a creep and in the end he killed them. (obviously this episode has other important themes like how charles' trauma is reflected in this and his emotional response to devlin and the horror of controlling/abusive family members but i feel like there's smth to be said with how women keep getting wronged in this show idk)

in episode 4 we get crystal who is still dealing with the effects of her lost memories and her desperation to find her mom (we all know how that turned out) and importantly we get the stuff in the gift shop (specifically lillith and ig the washer woman)

the washer woman is washing away the blood of humanity yadda yadda (she's a rly interesting character i love her) and like when she and crystal are left alone crystal is desperately trying to find how she can have her lost memories and past back and the washer woman gives her that riddle to help her smth smth (basically crystal's memories)

lillith is more introduced here as the goddess of wronged women (and blood magic) (this is self-explanatory i hope)

in episode 5 (this one i feel is also obvious) we get those charming-but-actually-really-shitty jocks who died because maren (brad's gf) murdered them because they were being really horrible. we get shelby who killed herself because they drugged her and ruined her entire life and her future and everything and even in death the boys (though i love them, this was a fault of theirs) were skeptical because the jocks were just so charming

and then we get maren who invites crystal over because of her fear that she would get caught when she was trying to protect herself and she made a(n albeit huge) mistake. brad sent her nudes to his bff richie and they never thought they were in the wrong like hello? i was like wtf but anyways they practically ruined the lives of these girls (maybe not maren because they never fully got out but they could've and either way she ended up turning herself in from her guilt and stuff)

(also note: crystal says "we all lost our lives to boys who went too far" and like.. a big thing™ from my perspective is also how men/boys go too far e.g. the schoolboys (edwin and charlies) and david (crystal) and also the jocks and devlin and later esther's husband and arguably the cat king (don't come at me i actually love him towards the end but for more info check out this post i love their take on him) etc. there's probably more i just can't think of them atm)

in this episode we also meet maxine for like a second(?) time (first being devlin murders in ep 3) where she obviously wronged jenny by stalking her and she doesn't see what's wrong with what she did when she literally tried to murder her, she stalked her, she's apparently done this MULTIPLE times (smth ab this happening "again" which ? oml) and jenny feels horrible about this because she put herself out there for once and she got hurt. and at the end of this episode we see them all hang out and of course david comes back because crystal can't catch a break but back to the topic jenny was almost killed by maxine who did a horrible thing to her

episode 6 we finally hear tragic mick's story. sedna was literally a girl who got sacrificed by her dad because he thought it would help. she was a woman wronged out of the many women wronged on this show and she became a goddess for her trauma yay?? but at the core of that backstory was sedna who was a woman wronged by her father. (and ofc tragic mick and how he became human POOR GUY)

we also have crystal who finally has a way to get david out of her head (did anyone notice it doesn't break till she says "i just wish i could be normal" or smth which is prob kinda why she lost her powers?) all of this has been culminating since the beginning and then later he comes back and he's taunting her and yelling at her for giving up "the one thing that made you special" (come on man :|) she does get her powers back later though yippie (and sees her badass ancestors)

and jenny who is still dealing with the trauma is obviously upset throughout the episode because yk maxine was crazy

episode 7 we have the boys in hell but to keep in theme we have crystal who feels horrible that charles won't let her help and she just goes out to get david to open a gate and jenny follows. jenny then gets violated as david literally possesses her and we get kinda the climax and then the resolution of david and crystal as she realizes her power and takes her memories back and buries him because he was a horrible horrible person to her (and also the comments he made were so creepy like "i want to get back inside you" "let me back in" WHAT THE HELL no way that wasn't intentionally creepy)

and then jenny (poor jenny) has to deal with the fact that she has now been possessed and has to deal with all this creepy shit like can homegirl catch a break goddamn (and speaking of jenny we see maxine on the stairs still clueless to what she did wrong MAXINE OPEN YOUR EYES)

crystal eats her memories

episode 8 she finds out she was a horrible person and her past was not as great as she thought it would be. she treated her friends and strangers badly and she wakes up and she feels horrid. and she thinks it will get better and she calls her mom and her parents did her dirty. they neglected her (didn't even REALIZE she was MISSING) and didn't do shit for her and she probably acted out for attention (in horrible ways i am in no way defending what she did btw but she can be a horrible person and changed as a person crystal they could never make me hate you) and she swallows the rest of her memories and finds out that she was not the person she wanted to be

in episode 8 we also find out esther's backstory. the big bad of it all and i think a huge point in the story is how at the core of it all was a woman who was wronged and turned horrible for it. her husband cheated on her and she killed him but then she couldn't get enough and just wow. just to me the fact that at the core of the story is a woman who was horribly treated and as a result turned into a horrible person (and kind of parallel to crystal who was horribly treated (by her parents and by david) and she finds she can still turn things around and be good) and esther is too far gone as she yk decides to continue being evil

in episode 8, the end of it all, we see that turning point where crystal goes into esther's head and summons lillith. the goddess of wronged women. we see her as crystal yells that esther has been tormenting girls, WRONGING WOMEN, for decades (centuries?). we see the rage in lillith's face as she turns her stare on esther for skewing the gift that lillith gave to a woman scorned. we see lillith drag esther out of the house screaming and AGH i love that so much idk

but yeah those are my thoughts on the amount of women i just saw wronged and this could all mean nothing and i could be very insane and crazy but ! whatever !

[honeybeezgobzzzzz]

𓅨 The Places We’ll See

The Places We'll Be: Your mortality comes into question and the two beings who love you more than life can’t handle the inevitable.

Warnings: Angst, Morpheus and Hob Are Idiots™️.

To Note: Morpheus/Dream x Female!Reader x Hob Gadling, Idea from this post by @writing-fanics.

Word Count: ~4.2k

Previous | Masterlist

“Something is bothering you,” Monica commented, eyeing you up and down as the pair of you sat at a cafe and enjoyed a spot of afternoon tea. You both had gotten jobs in the city after graduating from your PhD programs and regularly had lunch for afternoon tea together to catch up on your daily lives. Ergo, she was quite privy to your relationship between the Professor and the ‘Broody Hot Guy’. “Did you have a fight with them? Can’t imagine what you’d get into a squabble over considering they worship the ground you walk on.”

“They’re avoiding me,” You absentmindedly replied, your mind wrapped up in how distant Hob and Morpheus had become lately. You’d spent seven months happily in a relationship with them, nearly overwhelmed by the magnitude of their love, and not once had a bump in the road. At least twice a week you fell asleep wrapped up in their arms and love, and woke with innumerous marks upon your body along with incredibly sore muscles… You had never felt this loved before. But now you were drifting away. Monica raised an eyebrow at you in concern, lowering her cappuccino.

“Hob and Broody Man, avoiding you?” She repeated for confirmation of your nearly unbelievable statement. You continued to stare out into the village, oddly undisturbed by such revelation. “Has anything come up that they’re busy with?”

“No,” You softly replied, feeling the painful sting of their avoidance fresh within your aching heart once more. “They— there’s nothing going on with them… they’re just avoiding me.”

“Oh babe,” Monica replied, fully taking in how much this change in events was effecting you. You’d been the picture of elation these last seven months, glowing with happiness that infected anyone who laid their eyes upon you. But now you were retracting your sun, your happiness, and the signs were staring to visibly appear. “Maybe, maybe you just need to get away from them for a couple of weeks, sort yourself out you know? Focus on you. Don’t think about boys. Don’t think about your heart. Just think about yourself.”

You wanted to, but you could no longer see yourself without seeing Morpheus and Hob standing by your side. The future seemed ever so bleak without them in your life…

“God, Monica I can’t,” You whispered in frustration. “Every time I close my eyes I see them. I can’t escape it no matter what I do.”

Monica blinked, then frowned, mulling over your words. You really had been completely enraptured in your relationship. There was never bringing up you without bringing up either Hob or Broody Man. Well, there was only one thing she could think of when pulling you out of this dip.

“Okay, so, I was going to save this for your birthday, but I’ve got vouchers for a super exclusive spa outside of the city. I think I should cash them in early and drag you away from all this relationship hub bub.” You went to protest but Monica shut you down before you could get a word in edgewise. “No, babe, you need time away from them, clearly. Whatever bullshit they’re up to that’s affecting your relationship goes bye bye.”

Your eyes dropped to your cup of tea and your shoulders slumped. Perhaps it really was time to put some distance between yourself and your lovers. Something wasn’t working anymore and it was affecting you.

“Alright, I’ll put in notice for PTO,” You agreed, lifting your eyes back to Monica. “I think — I think it’s time I get some space from them. If they’re avoiding me, it’s not like they’ll notice if I start avoiding them.”

“Something is up with her,” Hob softly commented as he gazed out the window of The New Inn. Morpheus had been quietly contemplating the dreams and nightmares of his realm as of late when Hob spoke, and quickly turned those thoughts away to address his love.

“To what do you speak of? Is she ill?” Morpheus questioned, straightening up in his seat. Hob blinked and then sighed, slowly turning his head to look at Morpheus.

“Ill? I don’t think so… but it’s been nearly two weeks since she last visited and we haven’t really been talking on the phone. She rarely even texts about her day.” Hob explained, worry filling his body. Your behavior had changed. You weren’t nearly as open about your daily activities, you no longer made sure to update him or Morpheus on the drama in your workplace, Hob couldn’t even remember the last time he got to kiss you let alone have you in his bed.

“She is being… distant,” Morpheus spoke, his mind now entirely focused on you. Your smiles. Your voice. Your kisses. The way your naked body felt snaked with his. Now he was thinking about what he and Hob had been agonizing over these last few weeks: your mortality. They were going to lose you, the one they adored most, to the inevitable: death. Morpheus had thought to speak with his sister about such topic, but he knew that he could not change what Destiny preordained.

Yes, something bothered you and Morpheus was upset that you weren’t automatically finding comfort from either Hob or him. Were they not there as your partners to support you? A cloud of upset and depression began forming over Morpheus’ head, for he loathed the idea of you upset and alone. Clearly he had done something wrong! Both Hob and Morpheus began stewing within their minds, wondering what was wrong with you and still dreading the idea that at some point, they were going to lose you.

You’d packed a bag for your week long stay at the Spa resort Monica had booked with her vouchers and shipped off to the country side without a word to Hob or Morpheus. You’d wanted to tell them where you were going, but you had been reminded by Monica that this was to get away and not think about them. So you kept your mouth shut and just left… it wasn’t like you had been talking with them regularly every day recently so they weren’t going to even notice you’d gone. You hadn’t even gotten a text from Hob yet about your whereabouts.

That was a clear sign something was indeed wrong.

Laying on the bed of you room, you stared at the ceiling and tried to take your mind off what your world revolved around. You thought about the spa pool fed by natural springs, that would surely feel nice on your skin. Or maybe you’d cash in the deep tissue massage Monica had told you that would be life changing. You were skeptical and didn’t think it would be that effective in changing your life… but your friend was convinced. Speaking of Monica… Her ringtone started blaring and your hand searched for where you had dropped it on the bed beside you. You found it and answered.

“What’s up?”

“You’re already thinking of them, aren’t you.” You blinked at her astuteness and draped an arm over your eyes.

“I’m not intentionally doing so, Mon,” You said with a sigh. “I really am not.”

“We’ve been here for a day, babe, it’s time to think about you.” Monica stated. “Put your bathing suit on, we’re going to the thermal suite to get our pores opened up and ready to be pampered.”

“I don’t think the pores will be the one that’s pampered.” You replied dryly. Monica snorted at you, not humoring you in the slightest.

“Bathing suit, on, now.” She commanded. “I’ll be over to collect you in five minutes.” She hung up on you and you stared at the ceiling, not feeling the slightest bit interested in visiting the thermal suite. Monica wouldn’t take no for an answer so it was best that you went and changed before she arrived. Rolling into a sitting position, you looked to your suitcase and sighed yet again.

You got yourself into your simple bikini and wrapped a robe around your body, tying it at your waist. From hat you had read about the thermal suite, you could have either a hot or cold experience, or both. Knowing Monica the best, she was going to try and steam cook you until you were an overly steamed vegetable. Maybe that would steam your brain to mush and you’d stop thinking about them. Monica arrived and you departed to the thermal suite. As you walked she chatted to you about her office gossip and her office neighbor’s proclivity to stick fish in the microwave at work. Your nose wrinkled at the thought of microwaved fish. Bleh.

Monica approached the door to the thermal suites and grasped the door handle, making a spectacle of opening it for you with a flourish. Rolling your eyes, you entered the suite and took a deep breath. There was an almost overwhelming scent of herbal oils, but that scent made your muscles relax just from the smell. Perhaps this would make you stop thinking about Morpheus and Hob. Monica talked with the attendant for a moment, discussing the plan you and she had for the spa. More like what she had planned.

First you’d enjoy the steam bath to open your pores and sweat out the supposed ‘impurities’ in your body. Then you’d take a plunge in cold water to wash off your body. You really weren’t looking forward to that, but Monica had bribed you with a body massage afterward so you’d take the plunge. Once you had your massage, then you would sit in the dry sauna while Monica repeated the steam bath cold plunge combination. You thought she was a bit crazy but if she liked it… Dropping your things off in one of the lockers, you stepped into one of the steam bath room and took a seat on the bench.

The air was thick with steam, obviously, and made it seem like it was hard to breath for a few moments. You adjusted to the steam and leaned your head back in your eyes closed.

“Glad to see you actually attempting to relax.”  Monica’s voice floated into your ears and you made a face rather than open your eyes.

“Well I’m here aren’t I? Might as well try and relax and not think about Hob and—”

“Ah!” Monica cut you offbefore you could finish your sentence. “No, bad Y/N, bad. Now repeat after me. We are not talking about boy troubles, we are relaxing.” Seriously? You opened an eye to see Monica staring you down with an entirely serious look upon her face. “Come on, say it.”

“We are not talking about boy troubles, we are relaxing.” You robotically replied, closing your eye again and taking a deep breath of the water logged air. You had to admit that she was right. You were relaxing, not thinking about the very reason you were at the spa in the first place! Letting your body and muscles relax, you sank into the wooden bench and focused on the way the steam reacted with your body. Your pores did open up, but you also could feel the beads of saline sweat running down your temple and gathering at your back. Periodically little jets would add more steam into the room, making you feel like you were going to melt right into the bench. “I think I’m melting, Mon,”

“That means it’s working,” Monica sighed to you, her voice revealing just how relaxed she was. You cracked open your eyes and rolled your head to look at her. She was sprawled out, limbs askew and clearly enjoying the almost insufferable heat.

“Well if it’s working does that mean I can leave? This is suffocating and I feel gross,” You complained to her. Monica snorted at you opened her own eyes. You were staring at her with a pleading look, hair sticking to your neck and beads of sweat rolling down your skin.

“Fine, but no skipping on off to your hotel room. Go and enjoy the cold plunge and the dry sauna.” Monica told you, closing her eyes and relaxing once more. “I’m gonna sweat every drop of impurity out of these clogged pores.”

“Whatever floats your boat,” You muttered to her while pulling your body to your feet. Departing the steam room, you took a deep breath of the fresh and water laden air. It felt nice to be out of the heat and humidity. You eyed the cold plunge pools and chewed your lip. Well if you were going to truly experience the full spa experience you should go and jump in. “Damn it,” You grumbled to yourself.

Walking over to the edge of the cold plunge, you eyed the water and pursed your lips. This wasn’t going to be pleasant, but it was supposed to have health benefits.

“Okay, here goes,” You murmured before stepping forwards. Dropping into the cold water, your body jerked at shivered from the shock of the cold water hitting your hot skin. You had to admit to yourself that as your head popped back out of the water, you felt refreshed and clean. But you were cold. So you hauled your body out of the cold plunge and reached for one of the fluffy robes on standby. It felt just as soft as it looked brushed against your skin.

Pushing back your hair, you looked around to see what else the thermal suites offered. You picked out the doors to the dry sauna, so you could go and enjoy the heat again… but something in you pulled you away from sitting in the heat again and you chose to head for the small sitting area overlooking a picturesque view. Taking a seat on one of the chairs, you grasped your upper arms and stared out at the perfect landscaping. You had promised Monica that you wouldn’t think of Hob and Morpheus, but they had become your entire world. Your entire universe actually.

“Heat getting to be too much?” You weren’t expecting someone to speak to you, but twisting your head to look at the person who had spoken, you were greeted by a kind smile from a woman.

“Very,” You agreed with a small smile. “I don’t usually go to spas.”

“Then what brings you to one now?” The woman asked, soft brown eyes meeting yours. Something about her, something about her reminded you of the same energy Morpheus gave off. 

“My friend is trying to distract me from my complicated relationship but all this heat seems to do is make me think about it more.” You explained to her, twisting your fingers together in your lap. “Never had a relationship that literally consumed my every waking thought. It’s ridiculous.”

“Mmh, my brother will do that to you,” she replied with a small chuckle. Brother? You blinked and eyed her closer. The necklace she wore giving you a big fact cue to who she was. You gulped.

“Oh, so… is it my time?” You tentatively asked, feeling unease and regretful that you would die like this. Hob and Morpheus was be beside themselves wondering what had happened to you… then again with the way they had been avoiding you the past few weeks... Death shook her head.

“No, no it’s not your time.” She told you with a calming smile. “I decided to drop by and talk to you because my brother is known to be an idiot on occasion.” You blanched at her openly calling Morpheus an idiot. Wow, she really was his older sister. Death chuckled at your facial expression. “I’m not afraid to call him out, Y/N.”

“Wow I like you already,” You unconsciously murmured. You knew that Morpheus had a fragile ego he would never admit to and bristled at the slightest criticism. It was refreshing to hear that someone could knock him off his high horse.

“Dream is a complicated being,” Death continued. “And I know you aren’t at this spa because you want to be.”

“Hob and Morpheus are ignoring me,” You stated before cringing. That sounded so needy of you. “I don’t mean that as a clingy girlfriend or something. I spent seven months almost at the point of running away from them they were so clingy to me. Now it’s like I hardly exist to them. I swear they’ve even been ignoring me.”

Hurt was clear on your face and Death had half the mind to smack her brother over the head. You continued to speak.

“I mean, do they not realize they are squandering the time we have together?” You asked, waving a hand. “They’re both going to outlive me, I know that, they know that. Why are they wasting our precious time together?”

“I think your mortality is the very reason why they are avoiding you.” You blinked at her words and raised your eyebrow in disbelief. “They know your mortality has a time limit and that scares them.”

“So their automatic response is to stay away?” You asked incredulously. “Do they not see how much that hurts?”

“Sometimes men act irrational when they’re in love. Hob and Dream are no different.” Death explained to you. “Time is precious to you, how much are you willing to give them?”

“All of it.” You softly murmured, staring out the window. “I’d give them ever second I have left if I could, but at this rate…” You trailed off and sniffed, reaching up to wipe your burning eyes. You hadn’t cried over it yet, but now you were pretty damn close. “So here I am venting about my relationship woes to Death while Hob and Dream probably have no idea I even left London.”

“If you had all the time in the world, what would you do?” You snorted indignantly at Death and eyed her with a wry smirk.

“Smack both of them over the head with a wooden spoon for being such idiots. Hob barely takes care of himself these days and Morpheus has been so moody it’s getting pathetic.” You grumbled, crossing your arms and slumping back in your seat. “Someone has to take care of them, especially after I’m gone.”

Death never made deals, never strayed from her job save for once centuries ago because of a bet. But now she was thinking otherwise. She could make an exception, just one more time. For her little brother.

“I’ll tell you this, Y/N,” Death told you, making sure you were looking her in the eyes. “You can have all the time in the universe to love them, as long as it is what you want. It’ll be a challenge, my brother isn’t easy to love. But I think you can do it.”

You stared at her with your jaw slack. She wasn’t saying what you think she was saying… was she? But the smile on her face was telling as Death stood up from her seat. She bid you goodbye and left you sitting by yourself contemplating your entire life. Immortality as long as it was what you wanted. That took your worry of time out of your relationship. Your heart didn’t ache nearly as bad as it had five minute earlier. You were still going to give Hob and Morpheus the riot act for avoiding you. Stupid men. You leaned back in your seat and sighed deeply, now you could actually start relaxing.

You’d gotten back from your spa trip pampered, preened, and softened. You were pretty sure your skin had never been this soft nor glowed this beautifully. Monica had picked up on your attitude change but hadn’t said anything for the rest of your spa trip. She had just enjoyed the spa with you. After she had dropped you off at the New Inn, you headed upstairs to Hob’s flat. You knew that it was finals time and he would be busy grading papers and exams so you figured that you would get his laundry done while washing your own and perhaps fix a meal or two so he had something to eat.

Key’s in hand, you unlocked the door while adjusting the bag on your shoulder and relaxed as you entered the warm flat. Home sweet home. Funny how Hob’s flat felt more like home than our own. Kicking the door shut behind you, you headed for the kitchen first to drop off your purse and jumper. Entering the large kitchen, you dropped your keys in a bowl and eased your purse from your shoulder with a heavy sigh.

“You left,” You paused in place at the accusatory words of your anthropomorphic lover. Taking a deep breath, you eased your bag from your shoulder and turned to address the Endless.

“You and Hob seemed plenty busy at the time,” You coolly shot back, raising an eyebrow. “Given your lack of presence in my life as of late, I hardly thought you’d even notice.” Morpheus’ eye twitched at your words.

“Y/N—” You raised a finger, cutting off the Endless.

“No,” You said sharply. “You do not get to call me in that tone, Morpheus. Not after you and Hob all but ghosted me for the last three weeks.”

“Beloved, Hob and I—” Morpheus tried again, desperate to appease your clear iration.

“Are being entirely idiotic!” You exclaimed with a flourished. Morpheus’ eyes glowed at your insult but you didn’t back down. “You two imbeciles have been avoiding me!? Why!?”

“My love, we have been agonizing over your mortality and the reality that one day we will lose you.” Morpheus explained to you, his being aching at the inevitable idea that he and Hob will lose you to Death. You snorted at him and the Endless glared at you for making light of your death.

“Seriously?” You questioned incredulously. “That’s why you and Hob have been avoiding me? Because I’m going to eventually die?” Morpheus flinched at the word, cementing the fact that you were correct in your statement. Death had told you they were agonizing over your mortality, but finding out that your eventual death truly was the reason the men you loved more than anything in the universe had ben avoiding you, made you so mad. “You— you— you absolute ninny head!!” You burst out, making Morpheus blink at you in concern. Clearly something had happened to you on your trip.

“Beloved, Hob and I love you so intensely that the mere thought of you perishing brings us agony,” Morpheus explained to you, stepping up to your body and reaching for your face. His fingers lightly traced your jaw. “Have you any idea the pain it brings us?” Oh you could see the visceral pain in his eyes, you could see it clearly.

“Morpheus,” You sighed out, raising a hand to lightly wrap your fingers around his wrist. “Hob can barely take care of himself and you look like you’re going to start crying every ten minutes unless you receive a hug, you think I’m gonna let you two go back to your old lives? Death won’t come for me until I want her too.” Morpheus froze beneath your touch, his mind soaking in the meaning of your words.

Death would not come for you until you wanted her too.

“Truly?” Morpheus hoarsely broached, struggling to comprehend that his sister would grant him such a precious gift as having you for eternity.

“Someone has to keep you and Hob out of trouble,” You reminded him, taking a firmer grasp on his wrist and sliding your fingers up so you could hold his hand.

“Glad to know you think we can’t take care of ourselves,” A hoarse voice spoke from behind you. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Hob standing in the doorway.

“You’re immortal not infallible,” You stated, holding out your free hand towards the immortal man. “And if I have to beat that into your mind I will.”

“Words’ll do, love,” Hob replied, stepping closer and taking your hand. It warm and fit just perfectly in his. He pulled your palm to his lips and kissed it. “I know were difficult—” You raised an eyebrow and Hob corrected himself. “Stupid, at times, but we love you more than our own lives. The thought of not having you at your side was unbearable.”

“Then stop being an idiot and communicate, we are in this together, Hob Gadling,” You said while pulling the man to you and Morpheus.

“She’s certainly gotten bold,” Hob commented to Morpheus who smirked and leaned into both of his loves.

“It is quite ravishing to watch,” Morpheus added. You fumed with a growl and stomped your foot.

“Would you two knock it off! I’m trying to have a serious conversation here!!” You griped, giving the men a look. “You need to communicate with me or this is never going to work!”

“Forgive us for our egregious folly, beloved, we did not mean to cause you such duress,” Morpheus purred, nuzzling his face into your neck while Hob wrapped an arm around your waist.

“It’s just been the two of us for so long, love, you’ll have to forgive us for falling back into old habits.” Hob said, exchanging a look with Morpheus. “But what is this I hear of Death not coming for you?”

You contemplated on explaining what you had been up to at the spa for you wanted to make Hob sweat after the emotional pain you’d felt… but ultimately chose to divulge your newfound immortality. It was safe to say that when Monica called the next day to inquire if your men where still being idiots, you were still passed out from a night spent sandwiched between Hob and Morpheus.

Date Published: 12/7/23

Last Edit: 12/7/23

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