#so dont come at me for making a shitty armor design

[genesisguidline]

Sir Tristan the Cold and Juno Steel

I‘ve been having visions since I first heard Sir Tristan and found out he was voiced by Joshua Ilon.

currently listening to the second citadel s4

[hoefette]

All the petty things I hate about fate!winx and their shitty universe/world building because

I'd added most if these in tags of other posts but I'm still so mad lmao

The way characters, Aisha and Mrs Dowling specifically make references to explicitly human or American things like instagram and Harry Potter

These people are from a different dimension for ffs why are they concerned with or are even aware of this very earth-specific shit? Do they teach earth classes at school over there?

I understand not wanting to have them be oblivious so Bloom wouldn't have to explain it to them, but it simply could be ✨omitted✨

Why would you go out of your way to date your work like this lmao ew

Ms. Dowling calling Tinkerbell an air fairy.. I cannot breeve with the stupidity why did they keep that in there

Why is Ms. Dowling.. the headmistress.. teaching classes? Where are the other teachers?

We ended up with a trio of antagonists (I guess you could call them that?) by the end of the season anyway so why not give us the trix, why have the characters play double roles as friends of our protagonists and also the villains/bullies? They clearly wanted a delinquent trio, in which case they could've gender bent the trix if they wanted to keep all the unnecessary sexual tension.

It just feels like the production team was lazy, they didn't want to hire more actors, they didn't want to bother with making the world immersive or lived in or believable at best, they just didn't give enough of a fuck

They wanted to make this show and attatch Winx to it for.. what? Like did you even google the main plot points? The abridged version or sparknotes to get details on the very literal, basic characteristics of our main characters or their roles or the world they inhabit????

It lacks wonder and intrigue.. I mean Bloom moves to another dimension, a school for fairies and we don't see her marvel once at anything.. and that's because she might as well have been in Switzerland because she's in exactly the same environment she would've been in over there anyway.

They could've said Alfea was in Europe and I'd believe it because nothing about the setting makes it feel otherworldly. I'm sorry but I'm not impressed.

Why do the teachers and graduated specialists communicate via facetime ?? In the magic dimension. ??? Why do they text each other and those texts then appear on screen like .. oh look, like a bad netflix teen movie ????? HELLO ??? it's the way technology and magic could've blended in so seamless into the world THE WAY IT WAS ALREADY DONE/SHOWN. Missed opportunity. it just takes you out of it imo every time you see the ugly, bland, gray text bar. Some fucking flavour pls I'm begging

How stupid the specialist must feel clonking around with the skinniest shreds of armor, plastic swords on their backs and battery powered flashlights and cellphones in their bags. R we larping?? I know I'd be laughing and asking why we hadn't already come up with something more effective .. idk like guns. I'm surprised I ain't see one gun in there.

In the beginning Ms. Dowling says some nonsense about fairies having lost the ability to transform to explain why there are no wings, which means they could've transformed before. So are we to assume that this supposed to be set in the time proceeding the original then?? Because something is not adding up with where they should be as a magical society technologically if that's the case

How does the production team want to keep the dark academia vibes with torches lining the walls and also want them to be face timing each other, presumably from miles and miles away in the dark forest???

Pls pick an aesthetic and stick to it everything was so unnecessarily dark. Where do they charge their phones since it's the only device we see that is the slightest bit modern and dont fucking tell me they charge it with magic I will punch you in the face

Why is there only one major monarchy that we are shown? Why are Solaria the only ones contributing to the efforts to defend the school and where is this mysterious battalion we never see lmaoo it's all so bad its laughable.

Is this set in the kingdom of Solaria? And why does the queen of an alleged interdimensional superpower monarchy pull up in black SUVs??????????? Why does she pull up with Andreas?? Is he not the king of Erakleon?? Where are his soldiers and his battalion and just?? Huh!? The world just feels empty like nobody lives here fr

Are we supposed to believe that the specialists get paired up with fairies just as a normal occurence and that they have to 'trust each other' and not because the plot demands it suddenly half way through when all we've seen so far are the fairies doing normalish school and homework, and the specialists outside, being physical everyday all day. This was never even implied that they'd have to work together apart from when we see the faculty as youngins with Rosalind. But even then.. it's like well why are they even together lmao? Is this a special team formed from Rosalind’s protégées? Were they formed after graduating from Alfea or what is this?? Are they the ONLY team of specialist/fairies hunting every single burned one?? What?

Are we now supposed to buy that Musa is being switched to 'support' because that's where her strengths lie and not in combat?? Are we supposed to believe that these girls know hand to hand combat?? When was this established? We see Terra wrapping some baby vines around a dude and I'm sorry is that the practical application of her power? Is this what the fairies are supposed to do once they graduate? Or is it just a switch in curriculum because of the threats outside the barrier?? This is never made clear.

Because if not then what's the point of this?? Why do they suddenly have endless classes together when the expectation was never set for the fairies to be like soldiers or out in the field fighting ?

Where exactly are they supposed to be what was the purpose of including Aster Dell and why is it a joy ride away from Alfea lmao?? Where Bloom is from and also not from?? Plot pls make it make sense

Why are fairies from another dimension vaping or smoking weed?? They are not human so why are they engaging in specifically human vices, yol couldn't come up with anything else to characterize 'delinquents'?? Very lazy very como se dices.. no effort. Nothing a little more spicy yol could invent, at least change the name and some properties holy shit did yol even try ??

So its fairies everywhere, having a lil party in the east wing of a phat castle.. and they are playing beer pong and dressed in t shirts and jeans..

Can you hear me screaming? Can you hear me vibrating with rage?

Not one floating decoration or magical anything in sight. Just purple lights and subpar vibes

Stella's costume design: tragic. I won't discuss further because we don't have the space or time but just know that it was absolutely atrocious and I hated it. Giving very debutante vibes

The entire budget going to that lame transformation sequence that was not a transformation sequence and those horrible, barely-there fire wings

Edgelord bloom and all her fucking leather jackets. Why do 30 yo, white cis men think girls exist in a binary? They could keep her earlier characterization and make her a hothead.. Bloom literally screamed herself into a couple power upgrades in the original come ooonnnn

Let girls be feminine without it being a character flaw what is wrong with yol its 2021. They could make her more mature, more angsty or whatever the hell else and not style her like that

The way Aisha's abilities flipflop between episodes and scenes. Very inconsistent. One minute she's struggling with a drop of water and the next she is moving an entire body of water for her bestie Bloom to fake transform because the plot demands it. Why even add in her struggles at all if you're just going to ignore it?

Why was Stella with them in that scene? She didn't do anything literally.. Aisha pulled the water and she did .. nothing.

Who the fuck is Rosalind? Why would they add her in,, to add nothing to story? The company of light was a thing, they could've plucked one of them hoes to be the antagonist. Why did the winx club need their own Delores Umbridge? Valtor was right there if you wanted an evil educator type character.

The camera work was so bland during the down beats, stagnant and fixed during a fairy party and erratic and ugly and disorienting during the fight scenes

I'm not getting over the fairy party because it was a good opportunity for the production and everyone else to show the differences between where Bloom was and where she is now but instead it just looks like a regular teen high school party?? This could have been set in Switzerland fr.

Everyone's just kind of standing?? You mean to tell me these people are from all different places in the magical dimension and their customs are all the same? They all throw parties like this ??

White and flavorless I am very bored

I guess the main question or takeaway I have is just.. who is this for? Because everyone, including the showrunners keep saying that it's for us, the fans of the original. But apart from the characters sharing some names, there are really no other similarities. So again, who was this supposed to appease or placate or satisfy? Because it sure as hell wasn't the winx club fans.

Overall, this feels very much like something I wrote and probably published on ff.net when I was 13 because I thought girls couldn't be taken seriously if they liked pink, and injected angst into everything that didn't need it and had no idea how to structure scenes or dialogue. It's just bad, objectively and N*tflix will keep making shit like this because apparently some people have bad taste??? Idk yol, be easy

[tulipanthousa]

please rant about your omegaverse fic tell us about those linen/cotton prices (or literally any odd detail you want) drop a random fact about the verse, anything. we'll eat it all up, i promise -💪🌟

okay so the undergarment thing came about because i needed to know what kind of clothes everyone was wearing for Plot Reasons and while i knew i wanted the time period in the Regency-Late Georgian-Very Early Victorian range i still had to translate Real Historical Gendered Fashion to Fictional Gendered Fashion for a totally different gender culture

so, short version (short version because i went totally overboard and actually wrote out the entire content of Roman, Remy, and Remus’s wardrobes, both pre-going to court and post and this post would get FUCK OFF LONG), this is approximately what the gendered clothing looks like

it still got pretty long so under a cut

Alphas

in everyday life, alphas generally all wear the same layers - a linen smock and stockings, a long gown/tunic, and a type of hooded robe called a gaberdine (which is FIRMLY medieval and so way out of the time period range of everyone else but i do what i want)

they usually arent very heavily decorated, maybe colorful or with simple patterns

however, in high-class circles (ie when Roman + siblings go to court) this takes a very sharp left turn into “i make roman cry” territory

the same basic layers - but in heavily decorated and sheer or semi-sheer fabric, worn over what can only be described as lingerie (including codpieces - yeah, that bad)

because “People want to know what kind of husband theyre getting, Roman” say Roman’s shitty omega parents who i already hate and theyve barely been fleshed out yet

Betas

betas wear a lot of fun to design clothing for, because the nature of gender roles in this verse (specifically, betas being coached from birth to be physical protectors of their siblings/future alpha spouse) meant everything had to be easy to move in, and either involve armor or at the minimum double as armor

as such, even fancy formal clothes for betas are made for function before form, every time

a formal shirt for an omega can be made of anything, but a betas would be made from, for example, silk or pressed and laminated linen, both very difficult to pierce, and a full outfit would probably involve multiple layers of clothes in such fabrics

betas do not wear skirts (or at least, a beta in a skirt generally gets the same response that a conservative would give a cross-dresser in our world) and this is a recurring source of :( for Roman/Remy/Remus’s youngest beta sister, Peggy (this universes Pranks)

also, dark and muted colors for betas - think social camouflage, meant to be relatively easy to ignore/in the background. Remus likes emerald green, and while their parents generally let him get away with a darker/forest-y tone, when he can get out in public with his preferred shade its considered downright gauche by other people

Logan’s dark blue is tolerable - Patton’s preferred pastel blue is considered worthy of open mockery

Omega

omegas by far have the most freedom of expression when it comes to clothes - they can wear shirts/waistcoats/jackets/pants, or blouses/dresses/bodices/skirts, and while generally male omegas wear the former and female omegas the latter, they definitely dont get much if any scrutiny if they wear the other, or even mix and match.

all of which is to say Remy is genderfluid in this verse and i will be putting him in Many Pretty Clothes of the mix and match variety (me projecting??? dont @ me)

Virgil too but slightly less so

Virgil, who is pretty much the only omega main character other than Remy, is much less comfortable in opulent/showy clothing, which is an issue now that he’s the crown prince - he’s much more comfortable in what many people would consider “beta colors” - even his signature purple he prefers in darker shades

also, skirts generally dont fall as low as alpha clothes - omega ankles/calves are not considered ScandalousTM, so hems usually hover around the knee.

more general things

we predate elastic and synthetic fabrics here, so the most shapewear we’re getting is reeded or whaleboned stays or MAYBE corsets - the show-offy undergarments roman’s put in (much to his distaste) are revealing and over decorated, but probably not skin-tight

will be putting remus, logan, and patton in actual armor in addition to clothes that double as such, and its totally normal for betas to openly carry around weapons because im gay and deserve it

at fancy parties omega siblings often coordinate their jewelry, and sometimes whole outfits, though the latter is considered somewhat corny

linen is in fact cheaper than cotton XD

[dumbhypmicheadcanons]

minecraft headcanons

no one asked for this but i find i have strong opinions on the hypmic boys and minecraft and i found it necessary

first things first: it was the buster bros who started it. ichiro bought a copy of minecraft and he enjoyed it so he forced his brothers to join as well. eventually ichiro had a plan. he convinced samatoki to get minecraft so they could have pvp matches and samatoki accepted because that’s just more opportunity to fight. ichiro started a server where he, his brothers, and samatoki all coexisted. samatoki thought it was unfair that ichiro had two people helping him out so he forced jyuto and rio to get accounts. eventually the fights and weird shit going on in minecraft began making their way onto twitter and ramuda was like “hmm whats this tea i want in” so ramuda got himself an account and forced ichiro to hand over the ip. ramuda was having a good time so he forced dice and gentaro to join (and bought dice a shitty laptop from walmart so he could play. it is kept in gentaro’s care so it doesn’t get gambled away). ramuda wanted to be problematic so he forced jakurai to get an account. doppo and hifumi joined shortly afterwards because everyone else, including sensei, was playing minecraft and they didn’t want to be left out.

ichiro and samatoki started off by having pvp matches, but these soon grew really boring. they eventually moved onto a system where they would both get rid of all of their belongings and spawn themselves into random places in the world. they would then compete to see who could defeat the ender dragon the fastest. every time someone wins, they would respawn her and try again. sometimes saburo and jiro tried to help out ichiro, but ichiro wouldn’t accept it because he wanted to prove he was better on his own.

saburo? redstone god. he spends all of his time building really complicated structures and is constantly one-upping himself and proving himself better. he’s disappointed that the group’s server is survival mode but he treats it like a challenge. he’s constantly making flying machines, piston doors, resource farms, etc. everything he does is beyond extra and he’s always bragging about how impressive his inventions are

jiro does not understand redstone but he does understand tnt. his favorite hobby is making tnt cannons to blow up all of saburo’s shit. he can also be found griefing everyone else’s houses, stealing everyone else’s shit, building terrible dirt houses in the carefully constructed cities, and generally pissing everyone off. at first the only one he didnt troll was ichiro, but he has extended that liberty to samatoki after ichiro went on a rant about how it wasn’t fair and made the competition too easy.

jyuto doesn’t know how to play minecraft. he doesnt know about the end or the nether, he doesnt really understand that diamonds are good, and he’s just existing. he’s just trying his best to survive in the world with his square wooden house. he’s slowly getting better at killing monsters.

rio? rio is a survivalist. he doesnt have a house. he constructs square dirt rooms filled to the brim with chests that are filled with wood and stone and ores and monster drops. he doesn’t do anything with these, he simply collects. he doesnt have armor or weapons. he punches everything to death. he recently found out from saburo that he can create minecarts and he is now on an expedition to link all of his item collections together by railroad. he has given everyone free access to use his railroads and resources because he does not need them, he simply has them and wants them to be used. he accidentally found the nether one time because he found one of samatoki’s portals and he has been stuck there for about 6 days someone please rescue him

ramuda is in creative mode. he really shouldnt be, its a survival server and ramuda shouldnt be opped but somehow he is??? ichiro tried unopping him once but when he woke up the next day not only was ramuda opped again, he had also left several extremely graphic death threats so ichiro decided not to do that again. ramuda’s main hobby is designing extremely aesthetic houses in a variety of styles, he’s an extremely good builder who adds so many details and terraforming and texturing and it’s so nice??? but also if you build something that he finds aesthetically unappealing (so if you build anything, ramuda only likes his own builds) he will come by in the middle of the night and either a) rebuild your house entirely and make it aesthetically pleasing (and steal your stuff) or b) blow it up. 

gentaro builds scenes and locations that he’s written about in his novels, he also builds things that he’s planning on writing so he can try to plan out a scene better. gentaro tried to start a roleplay group once and he got jyuto and ichiro to join but jiro blew up all of their buildings so he gave up. gentaro also lives in a village and he’s always trading with the villagers who he has adopted as his friends. he’s also really into farming and has bred a lot of animals that he refuses to kill because he’s attached to them.

dice has a dirt house that he keeps making bigger. dice is really, really good at finding and mining for ores so he has chest after chest full of them. he agreed to trade his ores to saburo in exchange for a working redstone casino, which saburo has been working on for weeks. he has made a working slot machine that dice abuses the fuck out of. there are no stakes but dice has an addiction to it

jakurai did not know how to punch for the first few weeks of playing. he started off slowly, not really understanding the basics. then he found out about the wiki and how there are walkthroughs for literally everything and now? jakurai is so fucking good at minecraft. it’s gotten to the point that ichiro and samatoki have tried to ban jakurai from their server because he kept beating the ender dragon in the middle of their competitions. like one time ichiro and samatoki randomly spawned really close to each other and both got to the end at pretty much the same time and jakurai? was already there??? and he had beaten the dragon with a bunch of snowballs???????? like this 35 year old man with a steve skin beat the dragon faster than these two idiots who have been doing this for months? thats illegal;;; but then jakurai was disappointed about it on twitter and they felt bad so they unbanned him

hifumi and doppo live together. they have this cute house in the mountains in the middle of nowhere and they keep adding to it to make it seem more like a home;;; its fully decorated and has a kitchen and a bedroom and everything even though none of its necessary. hifumi really likes building and he has a bunch of crops and animals and just a really nice farm and also a flower garden that he’s always tending to even though the flowers dont need anything? and he’s built a really cute pond area and a bunch of waterfalls and its all adorable. doppo meanwhile is out fighting monsters and mining for resources and he’s just trying to make life easier for hifumi. one time jiro came by and instead of fucking up their house, he just replaced all of hifumi’s cows with mooshrooms. no one knows how he got this many mooshrooms or where he found them or why he decided to do this but it happened. at first hifumi was deeply upset because the mooshrooms were staring into his soul but doppo adored them so hifumi grew to appreciate their mushroom friends.

if you disagree with me on any of this we can throw hands in the parking lot tomorrow 3pm

[puppyenergy]

@rickenrolled​ you’re an absolute mad man i love you. here’s all my answers. long ass post beneath the cut

1. Who’s your favourite character from UT?

i love them all but if i had to pick one then chara

2. Who’s your least favourite character from UT?

asgore

3. Your opinion about UT fandon:

very sweet, lots of smart and lovely and creative and gay people. could do without all the transphobes and incest/pedo shippers tho but like, theyre kinda everywhere aren’t they. like flies! smack

4. What’s your favourite quote?

“you never gained LOVE, but you gained love. does that make sense? maybe not.“

5. What’s your favourite soundtrack?

death by glamour

6. Pacifist, neutral or genocide?

pacifist

7. Why did you decide to play UT?

when it came out, my first exposure to it was thru supporting a friend who had recently started a youtube channel and they did a playthru of undertale! i ended up being unable to wait for them to finish it and just went and bought the game myself so i could play it. i was just so invested, i couldn’t wait for them to upload asklghskl

8. Favourite battle?

undyne’s

9. Favourite scene?

GOD I CAN’T CHOOSE JUST ONE SCENE. fuck. you can’t do this to me.

10. Your first letter to Mettaton was:

“legs” probably sldkghsd i don’t remember

11. Your reaction when you saw Omega Flowey for the first time:

VERY SCARED. I LEGIT THOUGHT MY GAME WAS POSSESSED.

12. Your headcanon about Frisk’s gender:

they’re nonbinary but i specifically headcanon them as agender! i also rlly dig genderfluid frisk as well bc same.

13. Which UT character reminds you of yourself?

mostly frisk but also chara and also mettaton

oh and all the dogs

14. Which UT character reminds you of your best friend?

TEMMIE. we are dog and cat solidarity.

15. Would you smooch a ghost?

i already have!

16. Which UT character would be your best friend? Why?

all of them. i will befriend them all.

17. Do you remember your first killed character? Who was that?

toriel ;_; i reset & redid the entire game for her, i felt so bad

18. Did you do sth in game you regret?

killing toriel lmao

19. Which ending was your first?

pacifist!

20. Your favourite land in UT and why: (Snowdin, Waterfall or Hotland)

snowdin is my favorite... it’s just so home-y. i rlly love snow, it brings a lot of happy memories. the christmas aesthetic does as well. and it’s also where you meet sans & papyrus & all the dogs. it’s just such a happy place.

21. Your favourite place in UT and why: (Undyne’s house for example)

i just rlly love snowdin ok. every area in snowdin. i still remember my little gasp!! when i found out that the snow on frisk’s head is always a different shape every time you go thru that slide-y puzzle.

22. Your headcanon about River person’s gender:

“it doesn’t really matter.”

23. Your headcanon about one of the UT characters:

papyrus is nonbinary!

24. Butterscouch or cinnamon pie?

cinnamon!

25. Your opinion/headcanon about six human souls:

i always connect the deltarune characters to the six human souls for some reason. kris is the cyan soul, susie is the purple soul, ralsei is the green soul, lancer is the blue soul, noelle is the yellow soul, and then im not sure who would be the orange soul... ofc only one of them is actually human but that’s always an association i made asdlghsd

26. With who would you go on a date?

none of them tbh sdkglhskdlgha i would go on hangouts with them tho!

27. Marry, fuck, kiss and kill:

marry: napstablook fuck: mettaton kiss: all of them getting kisses from me!!! mwah kill: none :(

28. Do you wanna have a bad time?

no!! i wanna have a fun time. a sillay ol’ time.

29. Your favourite UT au:

there’s this one unfinished comic someone made a while ago i don’t even remember what it was called but it was about two charas or smth??? idek if that counts as an au but tbh that comic is the origin of my love for feral chara

30. Your least favourite UT au:

all of the ones where anyone is misgendered or there’s incest/pedo/abuse in it it just automatically makes it a bad au.

31. Would you want to fall into underground?

i mean, yeah. where’s the hole. i’m on my way.

32. Describe or draw your undersona:

the puppy is specific to dfta

my other undersona is dragon kid. he’s a human & monster fusion with a rough past. he’s also adopted. the cat is his sibling.

33. One reason why you love UT:

toby said Hello LGBT Community

34. One reasom why you hate UT:

frisk’s design is,, u kno

35. If you could choose one type of food from UT, what would it be?

dog salads for days!

36. Your favourite amalgamate:

snowdrake’s mother & endogeny

37. Your headcanon about Gaster: who do you think Gaster is to Sans and Papyrus? (Father, brother, uncle etc)

i like to headcanon him as their dad

38. Your opinion about bad puns:

they’re good, ok.

39. Do you draw fanarts from UT? If yes, then what do you like the most to draw?

yes i do asklghsdkgl i could probably draw chara/frisk/asriel forever and be ok with it

40. Which of human souls fits you the most?

red, baby

41. What would be the first thing you would to show to Sans, Papyrus or the rest of characters in human world? Why?

the stars!!! they’ve been wishing on rocks for too long. time to see the real thing.

42. Which song reminds you of UT or one of the UT characters? Why?

skglhslkhg i make playlists just for this tbh. i have a playlist for mettaton, chara, frisk, asriel, undertale in general, and then one for both chara & frisk. too many songs to talk about rn so here’s the most recent one i added to chara’s playlist:

https://soundcloud.com/serious-url/last-night-on-earth-2

my favorite lyric is “we are horrible but not bad”

43. Your opinion on underloid:

i. i’m not sure what that is askdlghsdk

OH I JUST LOOKED IT UP ITS UNDERTALE VOCALOID??? i’ve never listened to it before but tbh that’s real cool

44. Do you forgive Asgore for what he’s done?

no lol

45. Did you pay for Tem’s college?

I DIDNT, IM SORRY TEM... i just dont have the patience to sell all that residue

46. Have you seen any youtube letsplay of UT?

i swear i’ve seen them all now. i watch them when i need some free serotonin. u_u

47. Do you listen to any fanmade songs? If so, then which are your favourite?

i don’t rlly listen to any but i have a few saved! i rlly love the fucking checker dance & death by glamour mashup

48. What are your favourite theories?

narra!chara if you can even CALL that a theory man it’s literally canon

i also rlly like the theory that ut sans is actually from deltarune, and also maybe a darkner.

49. Who is your favourite enemy? (Not including boss monsters)

LESSER DOG

50. Do you have any headcanons about Chara’s past? (Why they hate humanity, why did they fell to the underground etc)

i think they had some pretty shitty ppl in their life until they met the dreemurrs, probably.

51. Who is your favourite dog?

DONT DO THIS TO ME,

52. What was your reaction to true lab?

fear and a lot of emotion

53. Your fabourite voice acting:

myself sakldhgklsh

54. At the end of pacifist run did you stay with your friends or did you come back to your family?

i always send frisk to stay with toriel bc as their player guardian i would not feel comfortable with myself if i just left a child stranded on their own. it was the same in oneshot. if i’m ur temporary game dad then i’m leaving u in a safe place before the game ends ok.

55. Who is older - Sans or Papyrus?

sans

56. Your OTP(s):

OK LISTEN. GOATBUN,,

also ALPHYNE

57. Your NOTP(s):

any of the incest/pedo ones. especially with fr4ns & ch4sriel i’m gonna get real stabby.

58. Your BROTP(s):

chara/frisk haa

59. Your favourite puzzle:

i like the shooty spaceship ones!

60. Which battle was the hardest for you?

fingers in his ass.... fingers in his ass.... asgore he likes b

61. Did you still hate Flowey after you discovered his true indentity?

i never hated flowey, ok. and also no.

62. The saddest moment:

“the next day.”

“the next day.”

“...”

“the human died.”

63. Which ending is your favourite?

true pacifist, pls

64. How old do you think Frisk is?

9, maybe? i always change my mind on this asdlghsdk. they’re just a baby. age is baby.

65. Any post pacifist run headcanons?

both chara & asriel get revived. always.

66. Your favourite NPC:

the trans woman lionness npc who mettaton gives his dress to

67. Humans or monsters?

both!

68. The funniest situation:

my brain is failing me but i fucking love the idea that frisk is just walking away from undyne during her battle sequence and she’s just CLANK CLANK CLANK in her armor stomping after but ugh has to stop and wait while frisk gets a phonecall and UGH has to check on sans who fell asleep at his post.

AND UNDYNE’S HANGOUT

UGH JUST UNDYNE IN GENERAL I LOVE HER

69. Skeletonfucker, robotfucker, goatfucker or kinkshaming?

listen i KNOW i said i’d fuck mettaton but i’m NOT a robotfucker.

70. When playing for the first time how many candies did you take?

one! i wanted to be a good boy.

but then i just went ham,

71. Did you kill or spare Flowey at the end of the game?

spare and i got emotional with how he reacted

72. If you had to be one of the main characters, which would you choose?

73. If you had to kill one of the main characters which would you choose?

i wouldn’t kill any of them!! i love them all. i refuse.

74. Which character(s) would you like to cosplay?

HMM. i could probably pull off frisk the best.

75. Your favourite Burgerpants’ quote?

[momestuck]

Epilogues: Candy, Ch 22-26 [Epilogue 5]

/So a lot of heavy shit has happened, though worse is yet to come (I’ve been warned of an onscreen sexual assault in chapter 32).

Everyone’s been having babies and funerals! It’s a busy time.

(note: csa mention in chapter 23, though it does not occur in the narrative)

Chapter 22

This is another John-Terezi text convo chapter. There’s been a three-year timeskip. And... it’s raining ghosts now.

So I guess that’s what became of the whole ghosts in the Furthest Ring thing?

We also learn that, on top of the breeding restrictions, trolls are banned from rising beyond certain levels in government. Jane is, we learn, pretty much running the government behind the scenes, because what makes fascist movements tick is one evil person, obviously.

Karkat’s the one with a backbone at least...

JOHN: and karkat...

JOHN: he’s gone completely off the grid!

JOHN: at first we all assumed that the reason he ran away was because he got fed up with his shitty poly relationship.

JOHN: which was probably part of it, honestly. but now i keep seeing his face on all the resistance posters!

JOHN: i think they may have actually put him in charge?

TEREZI: H3H

TEREZI: 1 4LW4YS KN3W H3 H4D 1T 1N H1M

This situation is only exacerbated by the ghosts. So that means characters who were very definitely dead in the main storyline can show up.

Gamzee has been apparently spreading this religion of ‘redemption arcs’ by ‘making out with people’, and doing some kind of milk-based ‘baptism’. John, meanwhile, asks about the ethics of kidnapping baby Tavros from his horrific parents...

We get to bare witness to Gamzee ‘redeeming’ the ghosts of Feferi and Eridan. Which involves Eridan going on about Feferi’s feet and Gamzee mashing their faces together to make them ‘kiss and make up’.

Jane, it seems, is going full Condesce in more ways than one:

Just then, a dark shadow passes over the park. The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead. Its design is insect-like, splitting into many jagged branches, each decked out with weapons and cameras. It’s completely silent, and encased in armor with a bright red finish, smooth and seamless. It’s often cited by Jane as the crown jewel of Crockercorp’s various military contracts with the government.

...including literally building her spaceships, and sending them out over the Troll kingdom.

So we’re basically going to have the Holocaust allegory in here I guess? Fucking hell.

chapter 23

We get more words towards Roxy’s steady character dissolution...

It’s not like Roxy had ever been argumentative, exactly. He just seems to remember someone from his youth who was somewhat more contrarian in spirit than this person he’s married to now.

Back when they were dating, John thought she was acting a little off. Not quite in a bad way, but perhaps a little too “in love,” too fast. At least she still seemed like herself most of the time. But since the wedding, every year that goes by, she seems to become just a little more conciliatory. Not just toward him but toward life in general. She indulges Harry Anderson liberally and almost thoughtlessly. She doesn’t care that her best friend is slowly turning into an executive overseeing the corporate arm up the puppet ass of a ruthless dictatorship. She still thinks Gamzee is being sincere about all this “redemption” bullshit, even though he’s been casting an increasingly dark and hungry shadow behind Jane: a malicious royal vizier to her burgeoning imperial persona.

So John’s going to do something, and hopes that it will make things feel ‘real’ again... which is to say obviously what he talked about with Terezi, kidnapping/rescuing Tavros Crocker. Well-intentioned, but... I do not anticipate this going well.

We learn a little such as... Jane’s planning to outlaw human and troll marriage, which would retroactively hit Rose and Kanaya. Which I guess is the final straw for them. (Frankly it should be well past the final straw for all of them. They should all be with Karkat by this point!)

Also Jane and Jake are in ‘auspistice counselling’. We witness a loud row, in front of Tavros...

TAVROS: It’s fine,,, my parents are kismeses after all,,,

like, fuck.......

It’s a birthday party for Harry Anderson (John and Roxy’s kid), and Jane’s gift is, well, a fucking imperial drone!

sometimes I picture V’s gleeful face as we see the next thing she’s got for us... and now you lick the clown’s armpit... jane’s making the Holocaust but for fictional space aliens...

John awkwardly finds an excuse to be alone with Tavros, to convince him to run away. The kid dialogue is convincingly naive.

The possibility of child sexual abuse (by Gamzee) is raised, but it’s made clear this isn’t the case: what ever else Gamzee is in this version, he doesn’t rape children. However, that the situation is overall abusive in just about every other way is more than clear. Tavros, on his part, seems to be very keen to leave once he’s convinced John can escape Jane’s security.

I have a feeling the imperial drone may become relevant again shortly.

Jade, however, witnesses what John’s trying to do. She insists it will just make everything worse... (also Jake has an ‘execution dance off show’ because yeah...)

Whatever weird character corrosion has hit them is finally raised...

JOHN: if there was another way we would have found it by now!!!

JOHN: but there isn’t one, because everyone’s been all... brainwashed by marriage, or whatever the hell happened over the last few years that made things be this way!

JOHN: it’s like everyone just talks past each other all the time!

JADE: john...

JOHN: i’m the only one who ever seems to realize that something...

JOHN: that something’s WRONG!

Tavros sadly can’t get a word in edgewise as they start having a go at each other - John calling out everything that’s wrong, the way Jade forced a relationship on Dave and Karkat, and... and the noise is loud enough that Jane arrives on the scene.

John finally has a go at her with all the latent awfulness that’s been building up to this point. The fascism, the way she’s treated Jake, the Gamzee thing... the narration has put us very much on his side, centred his perspective, but his friends won’t hear it. And his windy powers destroy the room. So that’s something.

John runs away.

Comment: the mostly strict John viewpoint makes me wonder if there’s any degree of unreliable narration. All the same, most of the stuff is pretty undeniable.

chapter 24

This one begins with an interesting exchange:

JADE [alt-Calliope]: the timelines are interacting again.

ARADIA: ooh do you hear anything interesting

SOLLUX: don’t be s0 n0sy aradia.

To me the implication is that a lot of the ‘arrivals’ in this timeline - alt-Calliope in Jade’s body, the ghosts - are as a result of things that might be happening in the Meat story.

Through alt-Calliope’s eyes, we see Terezi and John’s conversation. Terezi is lost, in more ways than one, in the dreaming void searching for Vriska. She’s also experiencing derealisation... John, apparently in a mood for dropping harsh challenges, tells her point blank that Vriska is either dead, or, not worth her time for leaving her in doubt for so long.

alt-Calliope explains that what is at stake is not the destruction of this universe - but those of them here are ‘the lucky ones’, who live ‘beyond the reach of the prince’. She doesn’t bother to explain what is at stake.

Meanwhile, John and Terezi talk depression. There’s some really vital Terezi dialogue here...

JOHN: please. please come home.

TEREZI: TH3N WH4T

JOHN: umm, i dunno.

JOHN: we hang out and stuff?

TEREZI: JOHN YOU ST1LL DONT G3T 1T

TEREZI: 34RTH C 1S *NOT* MY HOM3

JOHN: do you really miss alternia that bad?

TEREZI: 1 D1D FOR 4 LONG T1M3

TEREZI: MOR3 TH4N K4RK4T 4ND K4N4Y4 D1D 4T L34ST

TEREZI: BUT 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 4NYMOR3

TEREZI: 4LT3RN14, VR1SK4, SGRUB

TEREZI: 1M SO CONFUS3D 4BOUT WH4T 1 W4NT

TEREZI: UGH, 1 THOUGHT TH4T NOT K1LL1NG H3R WOULD M4K3 M3 F33L B3TT3R

TEREZI: BUT 1NST34D 1TS L1K3 1 R3TCONN3D 4 HUG3 CHUNK OUT OF MY SOUL

TEREZI: 1 3R4S3D 4N 4CT1ON OF R3GR3T 4ND GR13F...  

TEREZI: 4ND JUST TURN3D 1T 1NTO SOM3TH1NG 1 C4NT STOP CH4S1NG 4FT3R

TEREZI: M4YB3 WH4T 1 D1D W4S N3CESS4RY TO S4V3 3V3RYON3 3LS3

TEREZI: BUT 1T SUR3 D1DNT S4VE M3

oh terezi....

terezi is giving up. she tells john she texted, echoing his words, to ‘give him the courtesy of closure’. and that she’s going to let herself die, alone in the Furthest Ring.

this is the ‘sweet fluffy’ branch huh

chapter 25

finally an update on what’s going on with Karkat!

he’s been somehow appointed ‘Commander’ of the rebellion, with good old Swifer Eggmop as one of his comrades! I’m so glad Swifer is having a role. Karkat is not all that pleased about the successes of his rebellion:

KARKAT: SO FAR ALL THIS “TROLL REBELLION” HAS AMOUNTED TO IS A WHOLE LOT OF DICK ALL, WITH AN ADDITIONAL SIDE SERVING OF JACK SQUAT, FOLLOWED UP BY A FINAL COURSE OF GETTING TO WATCH OUR TOP ANALYST, CLIPER BORDEN, BEING FORCED TO DANCE TO AVOID LIFE IMPRISONMENT IN A LABOR CAMP ON LIVE TELEVISION AND MAKING A COMPLETE ASS OF HIMSELF.

It’s all a weird mix of surreal and grimdark, much like the Alpha kids’ backstory in Homestuck proper. There’s hard labour camps... making cake; a ‘pastry-based shadow dictatorship’.

Rose and Kanaya are at least involved somewhat in the troll rebellion, and transport of the Mother Grub has been arranged.

Anyway, Karkat’s typically grumpy internal monologue is interrupted by the sudden arrival of Meenah from another dimension. A living Meenah - equipped with a Ring of Life. John asks if she got it from Calliope, but Meenah insists she did not. (Possibly she got it from Andrew Hussie himself? I’d have to watch Cascade again probably...)

Meenah, it seems, is fresh from battling Lord English - apparently without success. But her massive army of ghosts arrives with her... and she’s willing for Karkat to take charge and order her around, as long as he does it with a suitably commanderly demeanour. Does this mean the rebellion now stands more of a chance? Meenah is ruthless (she was the Condesce in another life), though capricious... Karkat is honest and direct and angry about the right things, but rather prone to getting lost in it.

Also he still won’t text Dave, and won’t let Rose talk to him about it.

chapter 26

Back to John, who’s thinking about messaging Terezi again - presumably in the hope that she is not, in fact, dead?

He’s getting a good old mope on about the seeming fakeness, non-’canonicity’ of life on Earth C. But after some ‘melodramatic contemplating’ in this vein, he’s interrupted by his dad’s car.

I’m going to be very curious if the Meat route explains how all this stuff got into the Earth C universe.

Unfortunately, what John finds in the car is... not his dad, but a bit of Terezi’s blood. From which he concludes... he’s never going to see her again, there was never even a possibility of it.

Feeling derealisation more than ever, John just screams a lot.

Damn lol, this story is making me care about John Egbert of all people!

epilogue 5

This is the episode where the whole idyll comes crashing down. Things aren’t ok, things weren’t going to be ok, trying to pretend things were ok just made everyone miserable.

I am sufficiently depressed that that rather appeals as a narrative - much more than a ‘happily ever after’ ending. But it’s not over yet.

Hopefully there’s yet hope for the characters I like to find some manner of escape from this latest hell, develop out of the worst selves they’ve built... Roxy, at least, I hope can change, stop being this non-person...

[thankyoumskobayashi]

heres the art i promised to post a while ago. its under a readmore bc i'm going to have a picture and then commentary underneath it. mr. selkie first and then my ultra ocs

ok this was the earliest set of sketches for mr. selkie. i say this bc theres technically one earlier sketch for him in my sock drawer tjat was even worse so you will be forever left wondering. anyways for this set, i drew left to right so you will see my thought process to combine the crown and seashell. i originally thought he was wearing sunglasses like those shitty aviator ones. the last one was a unicorn bc for a moment i thought selkie meant narwhal. still, i'm very proud of that horn even if it wont make it to the final design.

heres the next page of sketches. just to get a feel for mr selkie's proportions i sketched patrice on the back of this piece of paper and he doesn't look too bad.

i like this one bc he has chest and shoulder armor that looks good, along with some accents which complement his figure. i also decided to try a different design for his glasses(?) sorta thigy, almost like a hockey mask with the lines. but at least its better than the cursed sketches i did near the bottom.

these are the cursed sketches near the bottom btw. the one on the left was based on a walrus and the one on the right was based on a seal. maybe if i go the evil döppelganger route for one arc i will use them again.

these are the two beside them, when i was trying to get a feel for possible crown designs and how the lines on the glasses should work. the one on the left is a blatant kuuga ripoff

this is where i perfected the side-profile of the glasses, and tried to add the crown which i practiced twice below.

this was the first crown design i tried, and looked up the selke cup to steal some of the fancy whoops and shells from it. i was like "oh a selke crown gotta base it off the real thing" and this was my first draft.

this one's the more refined version, though i didnt add as much detail as i could have. i was torn between having seashells on the end and round jewels, so i put one on each side to see what looked better.

heres it, but tiny and on a really-fucked up seal eyes design. stare into his soulless eyes, they will take you to the abyss.

last for this side of the page i decided to try some renaissance painting like sketch but i havent seen enough of them so its Like This. the circle is a halo bc it was meant to be like a renaissance painting.

bonus sketch on the back based on a pic i looked up to base this on. despite his okay proportions here i didnt always manage to replicate them on the reverse of the page.

okay, thats it for mr. selkie designs. on to the ultras!

this one was my first one, and the eyes Miiiiiight have been based a lil on Venom... the body (save for the diamond on this ultras chest) is black, but the shaded parts are orange. this one is the only one i thought up a color scheme for. the ultras sketches were bc i opened up a google doc called "rejected ultra ideas" which is where i listed out all the concepts for ultra characters which i thought would be immediately shut down in tsupro's board room. anyways, i used to have an "orange ultra" on there but since ultrawoman grigio is now canon i had to change that. so then i decided to sketch this ultra based on a monarch butterfly. for the rest of them, i used random number generator to get the prompts which inspired these.

next from my rejected ultra ideas doc was "ultra whose power comes from their shoulder pads" except i decided to draw an ultra whose a magical girl instead. what gorgeous shin armor! i dont know how to draw fancy clothes so you will just have to suffer with me on this

lastly, here is "ultra with anime eyes. theyre a regular ultra, but with anime eyes." this one doesn't have sluggers so they look kinda plain. i didn't know what to do for this ultra's accents or shoulder armor so i just made stuff up. i like to think this ultra tries to keep a deadpan expression.

[fsnowemblem]

Would you do a big post about why you like Noire? I know like nothing about her but I think she's really cute and I wanna know what about her makes you love her so much

you asked for it m’dude

you FREAKING ASKED FOR IT

and i assume that at this point you dont care about awakening support spoilers

In general like her archetype of character, a seemingly fragile quirky character that can go insane/berserk, an example is A.B.A. from guilty gear, i love it so much that my first ever original character that i made is this archetype

I really like her backstory, not like in the sense that i relate, but like in the sense that is very interesting, having a shitty shitty parent that did experiments on her, she ends up being a guinea pig for hexes of her mother, and becomes very shy, very jumpy and she talks very softly and with kind of a broken voice, her mother ends up giving her a talisman that is supposed to be hexed so that noire can draw strenght from it so it will protect her, talisman is just a placebo thats just there for noire to vent up her frustrations, she starts yelling, laughing and becomes way more aggressive, it is not a happy story, when you see noire for the first time she has already gone through so much, that the very fact that she is there to fight still is kind of remarkable, she is so determined that a lot of the supports she has with other ppl usually are impressed by her will power alone, she comes to the army broken, sad and scared, like most of the kid generation to be fair, their world pretty much was destroyed, but she along with the others is so set in making things right that her fears and worries are not gonna stop her, in short terms, she is like actually the strongest and most incredible of the kids that went back in time

I touched on her personallity a bit but she is really cool, even tho she is kinda quiet and doesnt usually involves herself with others, she cares about every single person she interacts with and is ready to help and protect anybody at any time, the best example is the support with pannes kid, dude is as much as a scaredy cat as her and their support starts by her doing him a favor, no questions ask and no hesitation, followed by him being inspired by her conviction of making things right and overcoming her fears, so much so that he stops hiding all together, and that support also shows that she is smart as to when to snap and become all violent and shit and when to keep calm and make ppl listen to her, she has weaponized both her cuteness and her aggresive nature

She is a way bigger human than me, if my mother experimented on me to the point of me becoming her guinea pig, i wouldve been like, lol fuck you never talk to me again, as strong as blood bonds are, i am not one to take shit and expect to make peace later, she on the other hand wants to make amends, and even tho the tharja she makes ameds with is not her mother, she wants to avoid her to be repeated by the mistakes of her parents i think that is so cool too, she is incredible

I just love all the little details of her supports about just being so inspiring to the ppl she talks to and her determination being contageous while never hiding her fears, worries and hesitation, she pushes forward despite her being scared, broken and sad, while other ppl have to be pushed to the point where they will actually say how they feel, i like how honest and direct she is, and i also really love how if she gets frustrated with someone being blatantly lying or being dense as fuck she will just snap and yell the truth out of them or really clearly explain her point so then she can help them get better or help them realize something abuot them, her berserk form is kind of a last resourse in this regard but its super funny and endearing when she just looses patience and tell them in ther faces how it is

But enough about her backstory lets go to gameplay!

she has *the* coolest passive ability, vengance, when you get hit you do your damage, plus the damage you where dealt at i think the luck stat x 2? one of the stats x 2, not only you can level up that stat really easily, she levels it up a lot naturally  and you end up getting vengance like 80% of the attacks if not all of them, she is a fucking killing machine its amazing, she is a bit of a glass cannon tho so be careful when using her, but i ended up using her so much that she started to just take like hits that where just around 20% of her health and subsequently dealing one hit kills, and since she is an archer, she can learn the one hit kill skill that is i believe the same stat as the vengance one, so since she already levels it up so fast naturaly she either does a one shot critical, she does a straight up critical hit that will murder fools straight up OR she will deal damage BACK that destroys ppl, SHE. IS. INCREDIBLE

 She is very resistance heavy and in the tail end missions of awakening you are usually getting bombarded by wizards not only is that helpful, they usually attack her bcus she has the least ammount of health so you can just go destroying magical fools left and right, and this is like, just vanilla noire, the first time i played awakening, gregor (a mercenary) was the parent she inherited a skill from, i made her a mercenary after getting said vengance and one hit kill chance, she gained sol, so when she did some insane damage she cured herself up to full health, proceeding to just freaking MURDER, i went with pretty much just her alone in one of the hollow boxes thingies and she just destroyed the whole map by herself taking like 3 damage total, when gaius was her father in my 2nd or 3rd playthru, she had the vengance stat to 50% so her vengance triggered EVERY SINGLE TIME plus the one hit kill skill she was the deadliest unit i had but she kept her glass cannon-ess trait so i had a healer next to her all the time, that being said tho she was my go to, oh shit this unit is super tanky, les go girl 1 shot it, and she did 100% of the time, and the 3RD TIME (or 2nd, i dunno) Libra was her dad, so i ended up making her a sorcerer, and needless to say, i think she ended up getting less vengance triggers but her magic power alone was dropping any fool that decided to wear metal armor that day and not go prepared for the biggest magic damage in human history

I really cant stress this enough

SHE.IS. A. GOD. DAMN. MONSTER. I. LOVE. HER. SO. MUCH. 

Also needless to say, in one of my 3 playthrus, i just went straight up to grimma with her, she got hit to 1 hp left, did the vengance and got grimma herself to freaking 5 hp left GRIMMA, THE FINAL BOSS, THE finall boss that you usually have to use a falchion to do significant damge, she is the hero we need and deserve.

AND TO TOP IT ALL OF, HER MANIACAL LAUGH IS THE CUTEST SHIT IN THE UNIVERSE SHE LAUGHS LIKE A TRUE DISNEY VILLAN AND DOES THE MOST ADORABLE SQUEAL AT THE END OF IT HOLY SHIT, i played the game in english so maybe its just in the english version BUT DAMN DID THE VA FUCKING NAILED IT its like, so perfect how she goes from insane laughter to with that little little hint of her broken meekly voice, BOY HOWDY i fell in love then and there the first time i heard it, best part, she triggered a skill/got a critical hit so often that i hear BLOOD AND THUNDER!! and her laugh SO MUCH, AND IT NEVER GOT OLD I was allways allways aaaaallways all giddy bcus i love it so much, i have 3 critical triggers that i love with my whole heart in awakening, 1 is noires laugh, 2 is noire yelling blood and thunder and 3 is frederick saying “pick a god and pray” bcus hot damn all of them just give me goose bumps, also continuing in voice lines trends

HER VOICE ACTRESS IS SO GOOD i cannot even begin to think about a better job to do this kind of character her passive voice is so quiet, scared and broken and her aggressive one is SO aggressive there is no inbetween its either 100% or 1% volume and crazyness its incredible, her passive voice is like she is constantly in the brink of tears just by talking, and her aggressive one is in the brink of snapping your spine in half mortal combat style and going back to the archetype i like THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT DUDE, THIS IS THE PINICLE OF SHY GIRL THAT GOES INSANE VOICE

If you thought i was done gushing about her IM JUST BEGINNING, lets move to her overall design shall we?

comming off of the voice actress incredible job, her whole demeanor compliments her voice so well, its one of those designs that you just cant see it any other way (even tho i do some changes to it all the time xD) i just cant imagine her having that voice and *not* looking like that you know? she looks straight up incredible (i could maybe use actual breastplate rather than a boob window with a leather support underneath but hey, i guess nothing is perfect)

Her official art of her drawing back her bow but the arrow being all badly placed and shit is objectively the most adorable picture in the world

The tones of green they used for her are really cool i grew in a place with a lot of trees and i really find them soothing, her whole forest green design just kills me and compliment her browns of belt and leather so well, the diamond pattern is also rul cute rather than the boring line pattern virion has, complimenting her whole deal of her being as beautiful and precious as a diamond

The armor she has on her arm looks so good, and so contrasting to the whole outfit i think its really funny but really badass at the same time, why is she wearing a full on knight arm armor? i have no clue but. i. love. it. she is such a powerful unit that she just needs one arm to defend against scrubs aka all enemy units including grimma itself

HER SQUIGGLY EYEBROWS HOLY SHIT

THE CUTE ROBIN HOOD ASS FEATHER SHE HAS ON HER HEAD, THE HEADBAND, THE FREAKING GOLD HEADBAND DEAR LORD

HER

POOFY 

PANTS 

ARE 

SO 

CUTE

I also really really like how she has like 5 leather belts that go from the belt to her high boots, its real unnecessary and you would think goofy as hell but it ENHANCES the poofy pants so good, now it looks liek a renissance striped poofy pants and i am a sucker for renissance clothing, also, imagine her doing flips and twirls with those, they are gonna follow her flow like a god damn princess dress and god dammit she deserves it bcus she IS A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS 100/10 pants/belt combo, she also has the slickest quiver ever for her arrows, which she hangs on her waist and looks rul cute

HER BOOTS are the best boots in gaming, souper cute, super stylish and really cool looking i just love how tall and chunky they are, they are almost wider than her feet, top notch, the little hole pattern on them give them extra stylish points, they are very basic brown, which just goes to show, if you have a good premisse you can slack on some departments and still look cooler than most of the competition, the little beighe frills on the top of it just puts it all together, incredible, amazing, fantastic i would go on a date with those boots and give em smooches

Im a fan of short hair, i am also a fan of puffy hair and above all i am a FAN of poofy short hair, and she has both, excecuted to perfection, her little long hairs on the side to compliment her messy back, it looks incredible, the braided pattern on the top of her head that just SHOWS how much she cares about her cute hair and with reason bcus its the cutest hair ever, 1k/10 extremely kissable forehead to show love and support when words and praise are not enough, will make you think that she deserves an award for greatest person alive or something, so beautiful it will bring you to tears, so beautiful that will make any dark day a bit brighter, so cute that it surpasses any fuzzy animal on the planet, SO BRIGHT AND GORGEOUS THAT IT WILL BURN YOUR EYES, you get my point by now yes?

her poses of nervousness are cute as hell, makes you want to be there to support her in any way you can, but then you realise that you are looking in a mirror and that not only you see that you also need love and support, but you realize that you can give it, it makes you wanna be a better person, and make everyone around you grow with you, its a mirror into your best self, it will bring you to tears and want to ask for forgiveness to anything wrong you have done in your life

You know how sometimes too much of stuff that you like will sometimes not mix well and end up ruining something in the process? not this time m’dude 

every

single

piece

flows and fits so well with every other composing a beautiful song named Noire, a song so beautiful, amazing, incredible, outstanding and mind blowing that i dont think there will ever be a shining light as bright as this in the whole time i have the privilege of walking on this little dot in the universe that we call earth

so when i say that i like everything about Noire i am NOT joking, i love this character to death, and even  if i wrote this thread with a narrative of me starting really tame and gradually getting overly excited to talk about something that i really love culminating in some ridiculous shit, i really do love this character and i wish to write/design a character this appealing someday a character that seems pretty one note and simple but ends up rooting its way into your heart

[sabrerine911]

Little Darksiders 3 “fandom”long rant (sorry for the shitty grammar but its 4am here)

Goddamit its so depressing and infuriating to see the comments regarding Darksiders 3 posts,you can see people cheering or getting hyped,but it looks like the majority of the comments are assholes that have nothing better than to complain and insult the devs on how they are killing the franchise  People bitching about fucking feminism(that isnt there),everyone that ACTUALLY fucking played the game and cared about the lore enough to not skip cutscenes knows she has been a horseman since the begining People bitching that they think Fury sucks and they should bring Back either War or Death cause they are cooler.(cause fuck the devs vision am i right!?) people bitching about fury’s (Ingame not cg trailer)face giving all sorts of insults on how ugly or how “too cartoony” it is(FUCKING REALLY? ). People bitching about boob armor or heels(darksiders chicks had boob armor and heels in both the previous games and nobody was bitchin about it back then,hell,war had freaking pectoral armor that made no sense whatsoever!And it was fucking FINE cause its a standard fantasy comic style game,never meant to be something progressive for political corectness or realistic armor praticality ) People bitching about the gameplay expecting it to be crazy fast like the second game and judging the pre alpha with more than just well though critics,alot of people say that the game is gonna be garbage,aparently people forgot the slower gameplay of the first one that got better and better the more upgrades we got,plus she will probably have tons of spells and secondary weapons People bitching about the devs ACTUALLY FOLLOWING THEIR VISION(doing a game for each horseman) cause they want to get to the fucking final chapter for the sake of story linearity.Do you have any idea how much lore we wouldnt have if that sitty decision was taken back in 2010?Do you have any idea how bad it would be to play a game with the 4 horsemen and have only one of them fully developed?We had fucking 20 hours to get invested in Wars character,and what the other’s best shot would be to impress us with looks and dialogue,im sorry but that would be just as bad as Wolverine was the main character in the X-men movies.And lets not get into how the mechanics wouldnt be advanced enough to give a game like that justice. People bitching that without Joe Mad the game is doomed!Labeling every artistic direction in the game “bad” and “uninspired” cause it didnt come out of Joe mad.People fucking bitched about Fury’s fucking redesign like it wasnt designed by Joe Mad himself!NOOO we dont have time to get informed,its better to complain about it,saves fucking time right? Let me be clear on this,Joe Mad is my favorite artist(along with Humberto Ramos) HE is one of the reasons I decided to become a comic book artist myself,HE is the reason I got into the Darksiders series.I litterally found it by googleing “joe madureira game” back in the day cause I heard he worked on a game.But saying that without his full involvment the game is gonna be garbage is UTTER BULLSHIT. First of all the game was made by the WHOLE team,not only him I remember a certain  Avery Coleman(look him up) that was involved in the concept arts of the second with Joe. Secondly he not only approved the continuation of the game but he also gave his full support even by redesigning Fury himself and doing some general action concept arts from her,you hear that?FULL SUPPORT. The team wanted to make this game,to finish the story,that they LOVED,this is not a fucking cash grab,and they are not rushing it without considering the old games’ quality levels.It is gonna be different sure.War was slow and took down many enemies,Death was fast as hell and he took on armies,Fury will have a speed between the two and she will take down less enemies at once but Im sure she will still be a badass and considering that she will be taking down the Sins that had to be taken down by all 4 of the horsemen she will definetly prove her power. I understand the concern of people that it may not live up to expectations,but lets give it some time,there is still plenty of development to show.I personally am just happy that they sticked with their original vision,that they finally gave a game for fury,that they are doing their best with what they have. And I will support them 100 percent,so that they can conclude the series,so we can have a Strife game and a final chapter game with all 4 of them. To all the people that support this game I want to thank you for excisiting and letting your voice be heard on this awesome franchise.Have a good one everyone.

[piratekenway]

Oooh, can I have hamdevil AU? I don't care what just anything for it. (Though I would love to see Matt and Hamilton fighting some issue out, with words)

haha OKAY. this is more “Hamilton gets rescued by Daredevil a few times and there’s ship tease” in general, whoops.

title: careful how you proceed

–

“I swear to fucking God, Mur–Daredevil,” says Alexander, “if you don’t put me down right now I am going to kick your ass all the way back to the office, just you watch me.”

Matt, underneath the mask, has the nerve to smile. Well, of course he can, it’s not like Alexander can follow up on that threat when Matt’s got him in his arms, and under normal circumstances, Alexander would be somewhat appreciative of Matt’s arms. But these aren’t normal circumstances.

“Your back might give out,” Matt says.

“Unlike you, I don’t do that parkour ninja bullshit,” says Alexander. “Also, fuck you, my back is fine.”

“I can hear it creaking, actually,” Matt mildly says.

“Your ass,” says Alexander, “the office.”

Somewhere behind them, a–well, Alexander’s not actually sure, and he peers over Matt’s shoulder to check–a guy in, hand to God, frog-themed armor is hopping after them on the ground. There are springs on his feet. His–webbed feet.

Sometimes Alexander loves the 21st century, and all the advances made since 1804 that have enabled more freedom than Alexander could’ve ever dreamed of.

Then sometimes it pulls shit like this.

“Why the hell do you get the lamest supervillains?” he asks.

“You should ask Parker about the White Rabbit sometime,” says Matt, casually, as he runs over a very thin catwalk and oh god Alexander’s just not going to look down. If he looks down, he’s pretty sure he’s going to have a heart attack and die again on the spot, and he’d much rather go out in either a blaze of glory or in bed.

The blaze of glory’s preferred.

“The what now?” he asks, keeping his eyes on Matt’s face.

“She threw rabid bunnies at him once,” says Matt.

Alexander gapes at him. Then: “So she saw too much Monty Python?”

“I knew letting Foggy show you Monty Python and the Holy Grail was a terrible idea,” Matt gripes.

–

A. Hamilton @adothamit’s official, this election is wilder than the 1800 elections #thatssayingsomething http://wapo.st/1QtUQmM

A. Hamilton @adotham@foreversherlocked SINCE YOU ASKED FOR EXAMPLES: TJeffs did not discuss dick size in a presscon (1/?)

A. Hamilton @adothamthe GOP’s newest embarrassment can’t even #talkless #burrisrollinginhisgrave (2/?)

–

A. Hamilton @adothamand half my feed and two of my coworkers have started referring to @tedcruz as a serial killer #explain (21/?)

–

A. Hamilton @adothamso IN CONCLUSION the monkeys have taken over the zoo aka the GOP, best election ever (48/48)

Casey W @foreversherlockedis it just me or is @adotham the guy who’s been writing to the Post under a Latin pen name #theanswerisyes

–

MATT:that explains the increase in rocks through your windowplease find better aliases alex

A. HAM:whats wrong with favonius

MATT:it sounds latindidnt you write under latin pen names all the timefind something less obvious

A. HAM:says the actual DAREDEVILalso i am hurt that you think i just pick names because they “sound latin”wikipedia is right there

MATT:blame the bulletin for that name i didnt choose itand also48 tweets?really??

A. HAM:i was aiming for 51 but then i got put in twitter jailalso you dont have a twitter how do you know that

MATT:you forget foggy and karen follow youthey were telling me the whole thingstop flooding karens feed she says she will actually murder you

A. HAM:nah she wouldntshe loves me

MATT:she says “try me”

–

The second time Alexander finds himself in Matt’s rather well-toned arms, it’s after someone decides to kidnap somebody connected to Nelson & Murdock to Send A Message. He’s sort of glad it’s not Karen they kidnapped, but then again, Karen once maced a guy because he put his hand on her thigh.

At the same time, though, it’s a blow to his pride that they picked him and not, y’know, the other two lawyers hanging around.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you liked playing damsel in distress,” Matt teases.

Alexander glares blearily up at him. He’s not sure what drug they got him with that everything’s still kind of hazy and blurry. He’s going to kick his kidnappers’ ass. Just as soon as he can stand. “Fuck you too, Daredevil,” he tells Matt. “Get me out of here so we can sue their faces off.”

Behind them, someone yells something in–well, Alexander’s not sure, but it’s definitely not a language he knows. Matt ducks just behind a crate, and Alexander hears a crack of a gunshot, sees something splinter beside them.

“You know,” Alexander says, “back in my day, lawyers didn’t get kidnapped and shot at. That, you saved for the actual war.”

“Yeah, well, welcome to the 21st century,” says Matt, laying Alexander down next to a crate and pulling his sticks out. “We’re big on equality here.” He cocks his head to the side, as if listening to something, then says, “You gonna be okay?”

“I survived the revolution and getting shot in the shoulder,” says Alexander, sitting up straight and wincing, because fuck damn but everything’s still spinning, kind of. “I can damn well survive your idea of a rescue. Which sucks, by the way.”

“It’s getting you out, isn’t it?” says Matt, with a cocky grin, and then he’s off.

Alexander leans his head against the crate, breathes in and out, and murmurs, “You better come out of this fight alive, Murdock, or Foggy’ll kill me.”

–

They come out of it alive.

Karen hugs Alexander so tightly he eventually has to break away in order to just breathe. Foggy hugs Matt–well, not that tightly, the guy needs his ribs, after all.

“Thanks, by the way,” says Alexander, once his scrapes and bruises have been attended to.

“I thought you didn’t like my idea of a rescue,” says Matt, holding an ice pack to his head. “You said it sucked.”

“I stand by what I said,” says Alexander, sitting down next to him and hissing softly at the jolt of pain through his side, now the drug’s worn off. “Every bit of it. But you got us out, and I’m grateful for that.”

Matt’s gaze doesn’t quite lock on him–instead, they’re focused on a spot somewhere to the right of Alexander. Months of working in close quarters with Matthew Murdock, but this is the first time, Alexander realizes, that he’s really had the opportunity to look closely at his eyes.

In this light, they look kind of hazel. They’re–pretty, Alexander thinks, and he can see why Foggy accuses Matt of somehow drawing all the girls to him.

The silence stretches on just a beat too long, before Matt grins, cocks his head to the side, says, “That mean I get a kiss?”

“I take it back,” Alexander says, shoving lightly at his shoulder. “Next time I get kidnapped, I want Spider-man to rescue me, ‘cause you’re a dick.”

–

After the case is won, the first thing that happens is that Foggy drags all of them out to Josie’s for an overdue thank fucking God you’re not dead party. They’ve been having that regularly, lately, and Alexander keeps finding himself as the designated Responsible One, but not tonight.

“I’m just–” he starts, then stops. “I’m just, look, I’m just sayin’–the world-buildin’ doesn’t make sense, at least in the prequels I knew why the Republic was a goddamn mess–”

“Tone it down,” Matt tells him. For once in his life, he’s the Responsible One, because Alexander’s hell-bent on getting blind (heh!) stinking drunk, because he deserves it after being kidnapped by mafia nutjobs looking to send a message.

For, like, the third time in as many months.

“The prequels were terrible,” says Foggy, three sheets to the wind. “I love you Alex but you are so wrong.”

“Hell no I’m not,” Alexander says. “Look, the script was shitty and the romance was shoehorned in, but goddammit you could see where the Republic was going wrong and how and why the Empire rose, okay–”

“Because there was a Sith Lord in charge and he engineered a war, which would’ve been convincing if he wasn’t so obviously evil–why would anyone trust him–”

“I’m not talkin’ ‘bout how convincing Palpatine was, I’m talkin’ ‘bout how he engineered the fall of the Republic and the Jedi by exploiting the flaws in both, flaws that could’ve easily been fixed–”

“Okay, okay,” says Karen, manicured fingers plucking the bottle of whiskey from Alexander’s grip, “I think I’ve heard enough. And I think you guys have had enough, if you’re arguing about Star Wars.”

“You’re a Trekkie, Karen, you don’t get it,” Foggy tells her. “And one day we shall tempt you to the Dark Side, with our–with our cookies! And our lightsabers. Lightsabers, Karen.”

“Or I’ll tempt you to the Federation,” Karen shoots back, grinning.

“Never!”

“Dorks,” Alexander stage-whispers to Matt, who gives a small huff of laughter, ducking his head, mouth stretching upwards in an actual smile. “Hey, look who’s smiling!”

“I smile plenty,” Matt argues. “Anyway, Karen’s right. You’re both very, very drunk, and we should be getting you home.”

“Aww, Matt,” Foggy groans.

“Matt’s right, we’re going to get you home before either of you puke on someone,” says Karen, hauling Foggy to his feet despite his protests of it was one time. “I’ll take Foggy, you take Alex?”

“That’ll be hilarious,” says Matt, with a laugh. “The blind guy leading the drunk guy down the street.”

“May I remind you of the parkour ninja bullshit you pull off on a regular basis, Matthew goddamn Murdock?” Alexander says.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Matt innocently says, and Alexander shoves at his shoulder. Or, well, tries to–he manages to shove at Matt’s face instead. Well, now he remembers why he doesn’t usually drink this much–his hand-eye coordination is shot to shit. He won’t be doing any writing tonight. “All right, come on, up.”

“I’m up, I’m up,” Alexander says, as Matt hauls him up. If he leans a little on Matt, that’s only because everything’s spinning and he needs some support, nothing more.

–

alcxhamms:guys guys GUYS

i think i just saw a dot ham and the murdock half of n&m stumbling drunkenly down the street and i am not sure how i managed not to squeal like a pig but like

they were

really

really

close

like ham had his arm around murdock and you know that #lams moment during the grammys that SET ME ON FIRE

it was exactly like that

#i was p far away so i couldn’t really tell what they were talking about but like #at one point ham was LOOKING INTO HIS EYES (and the sky’s the limit) #or like looking into his shades  #my point is #they were VERY CLOSE and i was very close to dying right then and there #i’m going straight to hell

–

“Hey, hey, watch out–pothole–”

“Yeah, yeah,” says Alexander, sidestepping and pulling Matt along with him. They look, frankly, ridiculous, swaying back and forth like a newborn giraffe, but Alexander doesn’t care. “Hey, Matt. Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“You gotta do this more often,” he says. “Taking a break.”

Matt huffs out a laugh, says, “That’s rich coming from you. You write like you’re running out of time.”

“Half the time with you assholes, I am running out of time,” Alexander says. “But also, I don’t show up to work bruised all to hell and back, like I went fifteen rounds with a seriously pissed off Hessian.”

“Ten,” says Matt. “And there were two of them.”

“See, when you say shit like that, I get worried,” Alexander says, grabbing hold of Matt’s shoulders to face him. “You’re an asshole, and your idea of a rescue sucks, but you’re my friend. You go down somehow–get arrested or get killed, whichever–and what do you think will happen?”

“You, Foggy, and Karen continue the good work Nelson & Murdock’s been doing,” says Matt.

“No, you’d break our hearts–and also possibly fuck us all over because of all the laws we’re breaking–but that aside,” says Alexander, stepping in closer before Matt can say something else, “that aside, asshole, it’s your name following Foggy’s on the sign. You’re important to us. And you’re important to me.”

“Huh,” says Matt, “you really are drunk, if you’re coming right out with that.”

“I am being heartfelt here,” Alexander tells him. “You were one of my very first friends when I got here. You’re a goddamn liar and you’re shit at doing it, somehow, but you’re my friend. You know how hard it is for me to keep those, and I want to keep you.”

“Foggy and Karen?”

“I wanna keep them too,” says Alexander, “but they’re sensible, they don’t go out every night to punch people in the face. You do.” He lets out a breath and says, softly, “Go out with us. Not all the time, but–sometimes. Let the city keep for a night, let the police do what they’re supposed to do for a night. Take a break.”

“Said the pot to the kettle,” says Matt.

“The pot’s not punching criminals in the face every night,” says Alexander.

“The kettle’s not mouthing off to gangsters and crime lords in the courtroom,” says Matt. “Not often, anyway.”

“I told Foggy not to tell you about that time!” Alexander says, with a huff. “Also you are distracting me. You always distract me.”

“Not always,” Matt argues, a corner of his mouth quirking upwards in a smile. Alexander wonders, suddenly, if Matt can hear his heartbeat speeding up, as if he’s a maiden on her wedding night. “I imagine it takes a lot to distract you.”

“You’re right,” says Alexander, relieved for the out. Then he ruins it by adding: “But you make it look easy. See, you’re doin’ it now, giving me that look, being all sly and coy–Matt.”

Matt covers his mouth up and coughs unconvincingly. “What look?” he says.

“That look! With your eyes! And your smile!” Alexander plants a hand on Matt’s face for emphasis, nearly sends the both of them toppling into an alley. “Now I’ve lost track of what I was talking about, you dick,” he complains, as Matt rights them both. “Where was I–oh, yeah, take a goddamn break, Murdock.”

“And when was the last time you did?” says Matt.

“Fuck you,” Alexander says, “do not make this about me.”

“I was not!” says Matt, holding one hand up, as if he’s swearing on the Bible before a court of law. “Hand to God, on my honor as a Catholic lawyer.”

“You beat people up at night,” says Alexander.

“On my honor as a Catholic lawyer vigilante,” Matt amends, which is hardly any better in Alexander’s opinion. “Seriously, Alex, your work ethic is intense enough that it scares me, sometimes. How do you find the time to do everything you’re doing?”

“I have a day planner,” says Alexander.

“Liar, I heard your heartbeat,” says Matt.

“Heartbeat detectors can be unreliable,” says Alexander, and Matt huffs out a breath and shoves lightly at him. “Ow! Dammit, Murdock, I’m almost fifty–”

“You are fifty,” says Matt.

“Almost,” Alexander stresses. “Anyway, I took a break this very night, so, ha.”

“Before tonight,” says Matt.

“Last Friday,” says Alexander. He pauses, searches through his memory for a second, then says, “Wait, was last Friday the 13th, or–”

“You’re thinking last month,” says Matt, holding him up. He turns his head just as they pass underneath a streetlight, and for a moment it’s as if Matt has been crowned with a halo of fire and thorns, burning brightly against the dark, an avenging angel come to render judgment. Or a vengeful demon, come to do some bloody work.

“Oh,” says Alexander.

Then Matt cocks his head to the side, says, “So I think this is your stop, I can smell your neighbors from here,” and he’s just plain old Matt again.

Oh, thinks Alexander, heart breaking again, because he has been down this road before, seen how men like avenging angels seeking freedom and justice come to violent ends, loved them so much it hurt to fall, fuck.

–

MATT:hey you up

A. HAM:i am in pain and someone needs to turn the fucking sun offits too bright im gonna die

MATT:i did tell you not to try for the eel yesterday nightremember anything about last night

A. HAM:god i dont knoweverythings blurry after foggy dared me to drink that last shotuuuuugh

MATT:if it helps he cant remember anything eitheryoull be pleased to know i managed to get you home without punching anyone in the face

A. HAM:holy shit its a miraclesomeone call the vatican

MATT:youre hilarious

–

The next time Alexander finds himself at Mepkin Abbey, sitting at Laurens’ grave, he lays a bouquet of white lilies at the headstone, then sets a half-drained bottle of wine upright next to it.

“My dear Laurens,” says Alexander, “I think–no, I know I fucked up.” He lets out a long breath, runs a hand through his hair, and says, “Have I told you about Matthew Murdock?”

–

end.

[nochiquinn]

Episode 90: Towards the Iron City, Maybe, Eventually

I'm watching in my living room tonight, with the logic that being closer to the router will make the internet work better

(edit from the future: this actually worked, my roommates are doomed)

oh man they're 10 away from 100 episodes. wonder what they'll do for it

wonder if orion will bitch about not being invited again what who said that

I need sam's shirt, desperately

"I don't know, man, I like football"

"Gatling gun! Gatling gun!" "MISFIRE SCORE 20"

"ninth level spells!" "that scanlan could have gotten!"

I've been reading Dresden Files again so I keep comparing Mab and the Raven Queen but I am pretty sure they are 0% similar. Vax is not the Winter Knight.

discord: new dad is wearing old dad's skin

"HE TURNED INTO A HOT POCKET Y'ALL"

he's at a spy farm upstate

antlerception

"you haven't seen a door mimic yet, because I don't hate you that much"

like batman, keyleth becomes that which she fears most in order to strike fear into her enemies

"does he have an aversion to wearing pants?" doesn't everyone?

poopy diaper of dwarvenkind

"everyone else believes in you, why shouldn't you?" "I'm anxious and I have anxiety"

pls someone design medieval powerthirst

put him in armor and call him alphonse

mala: Matt: you guys dont have to do this VM: nah we're doing this

they make him a giant paper-mache head like that one mike posner video

THIS IS GETTING SO INVOLVED I love it

"I offer to buy her hair for 100 gold" me: popcorn.gif

critrole stats is this the weirdest thing they've ever asked of an npc

"it looks a little carrot top-y"

#secretgoatee

"makes it look like he's seen some shit"

necrome

I missed like all of this, we were making Raven Queen Mom Jokes

"it's like vox machina....has a hard time planning" the hell you say

"I used the book to make the wig"

"paper-mache of evil"

"it's my book in a box~"

covault

it's sheska

I missed like all of this we were making a vox machina soccer mom au

(someone mentioned "let me speak to your manager" haircuts and I immediately pictured keyleth and percy in the shitty metal bleachers with wine thermoses)

"you turned him into a country song" harsh

layer of eminem

do they have like arcane-sensing things. are tary and doti just like giant shiny wrongness.

"so buff. so full of leprosy."

how do they not recognize grog?

liam ded

"I literally told you about that one minute ago"

aurdsgay

"he's definitely a human man"

oh no

THIS POOR FUCKING SHOPKEEP

"PUKE ON THE FUCKING GUARDS"

discord: "what do we not know about tary?" he can deep throat like a champ apparently

this does not surprise me in the least

this year's ittd ad is better than last year's by sheer virtue of the fact I haven't started muting when it comes on yet

"you can read this, because your father forced you to do things!"

"godDAMMIT PITTSBURGH"

dress roll

now kiss

oh god it's like calling my dad

this is a fanfiction setup. that's all this is.

"you have to take the pregaming feat"

he unalived them

mala: TRINKET never killed two guards

I love everyone in this bar. literally for once.

discord: keyleth killed a kid. like doty is more a member of vm than tary at this point

makes a shirt out of "grog fucking killed two people

"you fucking DICK" "yep"

"I'd like an answer to the mystery of the vomit"

discord: grog is an unrealistic body standard

I have been nursing a theory that keyleth is leaving the game with this. I want to be wrong but sans a final TWEEST I don't see how she stays with the group at this point

discord: I can't believe keyleth is anime

matt improved that speech

[omgdicks1]

Shitty samus returns review

i feel obligated to talk about how there hasnt been a new metroid game in 6 years, partly because its sad and i wanted more metroid, but mostly because every review ive seen started like this. 6 years is like 4 zeldas, 6 marios, 2 pokemons and 2 failed attempts at college. Yes technically metroid prime : chibi space marines + soccer came out in that time but if you couldnt tell by the (totally accurate title) that shit doesnt count. the world needed samus genociding aliens and promising strip teases if you do it fast enough. why not just do that by remaking the second worst metroid game(return of samus) with all the fixins of super, fusion, and zero mission. so yeah they did that something something transition story After defeating space pirates, destroying mother brain and the metroids in the first game, samus is on the galactic federations speed dial for anytime they fuck something up. This time, they find the metroid homeworld of SR388 and decide to go there without samus. 5 minutes later everyone is dead and they want samus to kill everything left on the planet. yay genocide. the story is basicly a setup to show off and kill a bunch of new metroid evolutions. its a pretty straightfoward story for a pretty straightfoward metroid game. they even got some beautiful artwork to show off these plot points as well as some chozo backstory. its some good shit. gameplay samus returns has built apon the tried and true formula of runing around, shooting aliens, and collecting shit that makes it easier to run around and shoot aliens. expect lots of caverns, hidden power ups bombable walls etc. if youve played a 2d metriod game super or after you have a pretty good idea what youre getting into. that being said there is enough new stuff here too to keep shit interesting. you have all the standard beams, missiles and bombs as well as the screw attack, morphball, spiderball, and grapple beam. the only thing missing is the shinespark, the lack of which makes back tracking a bit more tedious. most of the weapons function exactly the same althought the ice beam doesnt stack on the other beams which is kind of annoying / the grapple beam and powerbombs can pull off some new tricks. tbh im a spoiled brat and i wont be happy with the grapple beam until it has the same versatility as smash bros. as for new shit, you got a melee counter to deflect rush down enemies and set up for a quick kill or just push away critters that get to close. you have the 360 aim which makes it way easier to shoot down enemies at the cost of being locked into a standstill or jumping in place. and you got the aeion abilities that all deplete from a meter you can increase buy collecting upgrades. these abilities let you slow down time, shoot rapid fire, have a lightning armor that negates damage as well as increase the range of your mellee counter, and the scan pulse which can fill out chunks of your map and help find secrets. These new abilities are all really well implemented into the game, especially the 360 aim and the counter, i found myself using those very consistantly. they arent withought faults, the button used for the 360 takes up any space that could be used for a free running diagonal aim, something that is incredibly usefull but still doable by holding diagonal on the controll stick. the melee counter doesnt do any damage by itself which is kind of dissapointing to my fantasy of samus punching her foes to death. regardless the mechanic is still really fun even if i wish it was more damaging and could be used while running. the aeion abilities are great even if i only really used the rapid fire and slowmo when i was required. im too paranoid about running out of meter to ever use them outside of necesity or experimenting on how to kill a boss the fastest way possible. youll have plenty of time to experiment because you fight each form of metroid anywhere between 1 and 12 times. the metroids are fun, the melee counter quick time events and fighting the them in different arenas help keep shit interesting but at the end of the day youre still fighting some of these guys 10+ times. the 3 non metroid bosses are fun too, except maybe diggernaught, beating him was a little too criptic/trial and error -y. id say the bosses in this game are overall significantly harder than most of the other 2d games and im split on how to feel about it. on the one hand i like a challenge but on the other im an unstopable intergalctic genociding bounty hunter so i dont want to die 3 times on a digger robot FUCK YOU DIGGERNAUGHT. but yeah anyway i think the map is a little 2 linear for my taste. its set up in isolated levels with very little intersecting paths and almost no backtracking. for me it makes it feel less like a complete world and more like a series of stages seperated by elevators. it's a left over design from the original game that isnt exactly my cup of tea but also doesnt ruin the experience by any means. at least there are teleporters to make end game collecting easier. presentation i dont like the graphics in this game. all the edges are blocky but not really in a stylized way and the screan always seems blurry like there is to much light coming from the environment for the camera to get a crisp view. even the artwork has this overly lense flare thing going on. to be clear, the graphics in no way inhibit the gameplay. i think they get in way of the atmosphere of the game. for me id say about 50 percent of the metroid experience comes from the imursion and atmosphere that the games have. shit like big ass slugs, krysal caverns, waterfall and statues in the background go a long way to help in this department for SR but it feels like for every area there is with a great background or soundtrack there is another area with little to no soundtrack and the only background is blue or brown rocks. thats not to say this hasnt been the case in other metroid games but many of those had you spend more time running through each respective area. for me this familiarity with each area made each game feel like its own world. i remember traveling through talon IV swampy service because it was interesting, i did it a lot, and the music was great. i remember pendara drifts and norfair and kraid for all the same reasons, the seamed like part of a world. samus returns is a big circle of sometimes pretty caves and ruins connected by elevators . combine that with the less than stellar graphics (id take sprites any day) and you have a rather underwelming planet, at least on the whole. it probably doesnt help that i spent most of my time looking at the touch screen map instead of the actual game. i guess i could always just pause the game and and plan out my route on the map like i used to but meh. something i will praise about the presentation are the added cutscenes and semi quick time events. if you counter a certain bosses youll get a cutscene where you mash the missile button and beat the shit out of the bosses in spectacular ways. you fling some around by their tails, ride using there horns and all sorts of other crazy shit. these all give make samus seem as baddass as ever and really show off how strong she is. it might just be my favorite new feature in the game. i only recall 2 new/ remixed songs from metroid 2, the rest are recycled from other famous metroid games. whats there is great but id always love more. conclusion gameplay wise this might be the most refined and excessable entry in the series, at least in terms of being user friendly. controls are tight, responsive, customizable and the touch screen makes flippin through shit a breaze. the touch screen map combine with the aeion map pulse make exploring easier than ever(i haved mixed feeling but i also dont have to use it so whatever). the bosses are challenging and rarely unfair. the overall presentation is passable but not stellar. the map is pretty linear which could turn off some but does streamline the experience. overall i really enjoyed this game for what it was, as much as i harped on about things that i think have been done better in other entries in the series. i guess for a rating uh, i think i like it better than fusion but not as much as zero mission or super. lemme know if you guys want more ramblings in the future