#so after all I hope that checks out
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5.3.
64 - gib snacc
#one rabbit a day#5.3.#64#another tiny one#been really tired please bear with me#I really wanna draw a bun daily sometimes I just don't have the energy :(#when I get the energy I work on some sketches that I did when I was drawing several in one day haha#so after all I hope that checks out#long rant anyway I hope you have a lovely day
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Tim Bradford and Lucy Chen in the promo for 6x09
#chenfordedit#therookieedit#chenford#the rookie#tim bradford x lucy chen#lucy chen#tim bradford#mine#6x09#wishful thinking is hoping a higher quality promo would come out after the episode instead of this lower one#SHE CATCHES THE ELEVATOR JUMPS ONSAID ELEVATOR AND PROCEEDS TO ENGAGE THE EMERGENCY BUTTON JUST SO SHE CAN CHECK IN ON HIM#a broken up elevator hug#i love how he's just standing there with his hands in his pockets looking like an anxious snacc and she just goes and does all of that#girl a hug won't solve anything#but i won't complain#also here she goes again trying to fix somebody else's problem instead of her own
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Oh, Esha...if only you knew... Lovely commission for @shinyeclair! Thank you so much for supporting me! These two were adorable and so fun to draw, not to mention the inevitable to befell Esha when those cards hit the table...stars help Sans.
Please check out their page! They do AMAZING pixel art as well and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to show it off here <3
Version without boxes under the cut!
#my art#sans#caycantdraw#caycanteven commissions#caycanteven#commission#commission art#undertale#undertale oc#check out their pixel art!#they're so GOOD#kicking my feet#hoping to finish Lex's ref soon!#i made a promise after all 👀#cays commissions
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I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)
As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)
He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.
(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)
It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.
(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)
#critical role#cr spoilers#bells hells#orym of the air ashari#cr meta#imogen temult#ashton greymoore#liliana temult#this is genuinely completely written in good faith as someone who loves orym#but is also about orym and so will inevitably end up being completely misconstrued and made into discourse. alas#I could talk about how Orym’s unwillingness to allow the hells to actually finish/come to a solid conclusion on Philosophy Talk#is directly connected to one of the largest criticisms of c3 (that they are constantly having these conversations)#all day. alas. engaging with orym’s flaws tends to make people upset#it is ESP prevelant when he walks off after exclaiming ‘they (vangaurd) are NOT right’#which was not only never said but wasn’t even what they were talking about#he even admits as much to imogen like ten minutes later! that he is incapable of viewing it objectively#which is 100% justifiable and understandable but simultaneously does not make his grief alone the most important perspective in the world#also bc i fear ppl will play semantics on my tags yes the line ‘i hope she’s right’ was said but it was from ASHTON#who does not believe they are at all and wasn’t saying they actively WERE right. orym just heard something to latch onto and ran with it#ultimately there is a reason orym only admitted that he was struggling when he had stepped away to talk to dorian#who has not been around and thusly has not changed once n orym's eyes#and it isn't that the hells never check in or care. they do. they have several times over#it is dishonest to say they haven't#the actual reason is that all of this is something He Is Aware Of. he doesn't mention it bc he KNOWS it's hypocritical and selfish#he says as much!#EXHALES. @ MY OWN BRAIN CAN WE THINK ABT MOG AGAIN. FYRA RAI EVEN. FOR ME.#posting this literally at 8 in the morning so I can get my thoughts out of my brain but also attempt to immediately make this post invisibl
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Hey, I just watched Dead Poets Society for the first time ever! Now, if you guys don't mind, I'm gonna go sit in the corner of my room and scream!
#me very politely asking whoever made this movie to revive Neil (i am holding them at gunpoint)#NO BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK#what about my anderperry you cant do that... my anderperry you killed it... why ☹️#no but literally i usually cling onto one character in every show or movie and the rest i could care less about guess who it was for dps?#NEIL IT WAS FUCKING NEIL AND THEY KILLED HIM#i am rotating his father on a fire like a rotisserie chicken and feeding him to dogs.#i hope his father dies a slow agonizing death. i will boil him alive.#me at the end of the movie waiting for someone to say psyche or people to jump out with cameras and tell me i was being pranked#me before: “haha people seem to like this movie a lot it sure seems interesting ill check it out”#me after: “what is life...”#no but all of them standing kn the desks was so AHHHHHH#and i qant to fucking fight that bitch whatever his face was idk i forgot most of their names#the chatterbox tattletale snitchy bitch#thats his name now forget his actual name#dps#dead poets society#anderperry#since i mentioned it in the tags#nuwanda literally was like “sure yeah ill get expelled but i wont rat you guys out”#but chatterbox tattletale snitchy bitch mister “you forgot about the homework” over here is like “yeah so i told them everything”#i am exploding his head with my fucking mind#he deserved that punch so fucking bad
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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being a tomura fan is so rewarding. Every one of his designs is top tier. Thank you Horikoshi
#skinny greasy gamer boy check#slightly more deranged long haired king? check#buff bitch with thighs that can crush a man’s head and a cunty red cape? check#long hair Jesus-like character destroying the world in his wake check#monstrous amalgamation of limbs check#baby you want to hug and protect from the world CHECK#hello I am thinking about tomura shigaraki today#by the way there is no way he’s dead. like. thematically it makes no sense in the story.#he’s gonna come back one way or another and show#that he does have control of his life by helping wreck afo#now whether Horikoshi will keep him alive after the war….#the classic answer is ‘villain redeems himself by doing something heroic and then dying’#I’m hoping he doesn’t take that route because it’s a little played out#that said they’re like…. all going to jail if they live so….
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Outside of Lee Seolhwa and Lee Sookyung, do you have plans for any other character outside of Kim Dokja’s primary companions (like Gong Pildu or Han Doonghoon) for your soulmate fanfiction? Constellations like Persephone or Uriel or Sun Wukong probably wouldn’t make sense to exist in real life but maybe characters such as Han Myungoh/Han Dareum or Jang Hayoung could fit? If I recall correctly, Jang Hayoung in particular is the one responsible for the title of the fanfiction, right? I feel like she alongside the Unidentifiable Wall and the Fourth Wall would be so thematically appropriate but I couldn’t imagine how you would do it if at all. I also want to say that I’m impressed how you managed to seamlessly incorporate so many references to the original ORV into your work. It must have required you to reread and recheck the wiki.
Yess, I'm glad you asked this anon bc literally I just threw in a little reference to Han Doonghoon and Lee Sungkook in the 4.4 update and got worried people would think they had to remember the characters well to understand the surrounding plot point better than Kim Dokja does. But I think I should trust the reader a bit more lol.
Unfortunately my inclusion of Aileen and Jang Hayoung isn't going to be as big as the other kdjco members, but they're sort of already set up in the fic and have a role in chap 5. I think JHY doesn't appear directly bc to me the relationship between her and KDJ is harder to make 'real,' though I have some ideas depending on how much I decide to include in chap 5. In my plans 5 will have a gaming tourney featured, so other big 'wos players' may be referenced further there as well.
Of course like you mention the fic title and many of the chapter titles are coming directly from the mouth of Jang Hayoung, so in that way she is constantly being referenced, haha.
Han Myungoh and his daughter are referenced earlier in Chapter 4. It's sort of a drive by.
I do make use of the wiki (bless the editorsn🙏), though mostly just to check dates, numbers, and spellings of names. I like to think of myself as someone with a pretty decent memory tho, so a lot of the more specific story references are definitely just me pulling in stuff I remember from my novel read throughs. Like I might have to look at the wiki to remember Han Dareum's name, but I'll never forget Han Myungoh's entire Male Pregnancy that he had like that was a crazy random W to me on my first ORV read through I was like hello??? Also that being around when JHY was being confirmed trans haha. I think I was only out for like a year or so before reading orv so the little gender fucky moments really stuck out to me.
Sometimes rereading my old work I also remember things I forgot happened in ORV. I think part of the reason I'm struggling so much with chap 4 and onward is that now that the wall fic characters have sort of developed to where they are some of the scenes I had in mind are less 1 to 1 with the OG. For instance, I'm trying to rewrite a scene I have of YJH and KDJ having a rooftop chat that like parallels the one back before the seoul's strongest incarnation arc in the novel, but it's a bit difficult. At first I wanted to include a lot more of KDJ interacting with the rest of YJH's team, but the rooftop Scene makes more sense to put a cap on the themes explored in chap 4. But when I first wrote this scene it was less specifically addressing that theme, because it was in the outline of like right after I wrote chapter 1, so it was kind of just the OG ORV scene with the flavoring of my AU on top. A lot of the little things they do and say in the OG novel would have to be quite finagled to fit anymore, so reworking it is the big task rn.
Anyway I'm really appreciative of people like you who take note of these small details <3. it's kind of helping me remember and appreciate a lot of the parts of me that were behind a lot of Wall fic originally if that makes sense? I am like reintroducing myself to him and giving him a hug instead of running away cringing just because it's me lol.
#in games like 'thats not my neighbor' im able to memorize things about 'people'/characters maybe a bit easier than others?#like i dont have to check the ID numbers after a few rounds because i can just associate that with a face#so its sort of the same with novel characters#when i think of them its easy to remember their significant moments because i tend to picture them especially in my mind. so when the name#comes up i think of the imagined faces i had for them in the scenes they were in you know#which is why its easy to write all the little one on one sort of dialoguey scenes i do that reference the little details about those scenes#anyway i am rambling rn and maybe giving too much away? im about to go into a therapy session and hoping to plan out my week#so that i feel less stressed about packing but yesterday i had a cry sesh and orv reread that is making me want to write today#but the therapist might discourage me from that? we will see if much gets done i guess#im hoping she'll let me just turn the session into a packing schedule meeting#personal#ask#anonymous
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❗️NEWGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSAN-
#glass animals#honestly i wore out dreamland sm my brain took a lonnng break from expecting anything from them?? idk i’m just huh????#like….. when i say wore out#i cannot describe how much i listened to it#i usually have some vague idea even if it’s a ridiculous number#like 52 times in a month for an album or something (has happened)#i cannot recall w this#gonna say bc 2020 & they were Literally the last band i saw live. next morning everyone found out about everything annd lockdown. no joke#so it was big dreamland time when it dropped and revisiting their past albums when i broke out of its spell lmao#(pretty sure before that like january was when i listened to déjà vu 100+ times in a row tho so oop. it was a tough day lol)#anyway seeing this aww man. i really have had this band with me for a long long time. 🥹 i remember hearing gooey on the radio one night#driving home from work late @ night in 2014. the drive was so short i couldn’t be arsed to fish out my ipod & plug it in#sometimes so just popped on a good station i had preset. started the car and heard this *voice* and i was like who????#had to check the station bc it was an alt station and i thought i had it on another one which was fine i was just v confused#it was in the middle of the song & i was immediately anxious to know the name hoping i’d hear it & it wouldn't just flow into the next song#then the dj would pile the names together after x number of songs played bc i was tiired (but woulda stayed in the car ngl). got lucky &#ran inside to find it then yelled at my roommate the next day that she HAD to listen to it during a smoke session after work#(i was right & it blew her miiind)#god. what a fucking time. what a fucking band. idk what the disc horse is surrounding them now since they blew up via tiktok#i’m sure people are v quick to say they’re overrated bc of that but idk & i’m glad i don’t know. they’ll always be this#highly inventive incredible band i stumbled upon for the perfect night drive home after a long long shift#a band that came back from a Horrible accident that should have ended 1 of their lives & somehow didn’t & should have ended them#as a band (like still cannot believe Joe was drumming in 2020 & i saw it with my own eyes like how tf???!?)#a band deserving of all of its successes. glass animals forever
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I'VE FINALLY FINISHED BROTHERSHIP IT WAS SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!
#clai speaks#spoilers in the tags probably#ahhh first of all i am still astounded the game exists at all. we all thought m&l was done forever but here it is!!!#the timing of me playing superstar saga and getting really into mario last year couldnt have been better#i mean i probably would have played brothership still even if mario hadnt become a main interest of mine like that. but anyway#absolutely stellar re-entry into the series it did not disappoint in the SLIGHTEST#i think i 100%'d it? only thing i didnt do was finish that last dyode dance sequence but like its fiiiine#took about 50 hours i didnt get a chance to check my final time. really surprised that the game went that long!#i dont think it was a bad thing at all though. the game mostly didnt feel like it was overstaying its welcome#i did think lottacoins and the lower level solitree went a tad too long and i didnt like them but only a little. they're still fine sections#surprised that i didnt even feel like the sidequests were a drag they were all alright!#character interactions were so good ofc. love the new cast!! starlow felt a bit flat which is a shame but she also didnt appear much so#the sidequest where she visits bowser and he calls her chippy!!!! made me so happy!!!!!#all the callbacks were so good i'm glad they can still do that. yelled out loud after finding the peasley reef#docking points for no dreambert reef however. jail worthy offence#on reclusa specifically i dont have a lot to say about his character he's just your typical evil for the sake of evil villain#but i have to say i Love his design. the really exaggerated facial expressions and that clown neck frill. really fun character actually!!#ahhh call me childish but i'm never a fan of endings where friends separate but i like to think the second uni-tree--#--will allow them to link back up once its grown and can generate more connectar to do it#cant say if its my favorite yet bc recency bias is still too fresh but its absolutely my second favorite m&l game at least!!#i havent played paper jam yet i wanted to play the original paper mario and spm first. but i always hear its bad so??#brothership is at least on par with dream team for me rn. absolutely stellar game#i hope this means we'll get more m&l someday! i've already left a very positive response on the survey they put out#anyway. now to decide what to play next because i have a MASSIVE backlog of games and i didnt think this would take this long BJDHJFHF#10/10!!!! please play brothership immediately
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no hot shower for me tonight. but i will be channelling my inner medieval peasant and heating various pans of water on the hob for a bath.
#also no heating for me tonight or tomorrow or the day after or maybe even the day after that#in fact who knows when i'll get heating back :)#which is great because the temps just dropped from 15°c to 7°c#anyways. the water heater is Broken and Leaking and there's a Damp Patch on the ceiling#and i saw this 5 minutes before we had someone come to view the house#and ive called Multiple plumbers and im waiting for one to call me back because he may be able to come out and check tomorrow morning#but i think he forgot about me#so earliest is monday afternoon w/ someone else#we think we'll have to replace the whole thing but god knows how much that'll cost. alternatively we could get a combi boiler#which would be more efficient and space saving#but that's minimum like £5k#in the meantime we had to turn off the heater and drain out all the hot water#but i just :) i think the thing is. id spend anything if we werent hoping to buy a new place/move#but with the economy as it is we really dont want to take thousands of pounds out of our house deposit fund#and speaking of someone put an offer on our house today but they offered like £30k below the valued price and we were like#haha absolutely not. sorry but we cannot afford to do that#and the price is only like £8k more than what we paid in 2020#and i have no idea if my pharmacy managed to order in my meds and im almost Out again#and im not on them today so i have mad fatigue#and keep almost falling asleep#and im just done w it all. especially after all the horrible shit that's happened this week. politically. in the usa and germany etc#and all the other shit that's happening across the globe :)#im so sorry this is such a stupid overshare but i am so sick of things happening#tbd
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YIELD!!
More things I made with the lovely Asheera (@optiwashere's Tav)
Based off the Blades in the Night fic!!!
I really like the visuals of her going into that elusive "Calm state of violence" when she was defending Shadowheart! Well it's not calm persay but it makes more sense if you read the fic yourself. It's like....driven? Single minded?! Purposefull? Ruthless?!?!? umm...
Also her divine? Oath? The magic that Gond gave her is red and I wanted it to be like the spell Thaumaturgy but i also don't know if she has that. ANywho, She's very gorgeous to me and fun to draw Asheera is cool B3
#bg3#bg3 fanart#bg3 tav#she's not my tav!!!!!#My fave part is figuring out where the tusks go#After sending in all them teeth questions I now know where they actually go!!#I was just making it up ;p#But knowing now I can draw her mouth crazy style#I love teeth and maws!! They so cool have you seen them?!?#Fangs too!!!#I also wanna do a size comparission between her hand and Shadowheart's and have them close over each other romantiacal style#But I am not good at hands and Refrences run from me like the plauge#I am but a simple bear afterall#how can i fight those odds!?!#I will do it anyways!!!! BEcause if i don't draw it who will?!?!#like you don't understand i LOVE Asheera!!!#I hope its not too much I'll check in
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sawyer was sick over the weekend so we got some blood tests done and it turns out she is diabetic, she stayed at the vet a couple of nights, it was really strange to be alone in my room those nights. i spend more time with her than anybody. then we were supposed to pick her up thursday morning and they said to come in the evening instead because her glucose was v low. the vet asked me to find a glucose sensor to bring with me that evening, it was a public holiday so i had to find a pharmacy that was actually open. when we went to get her we waited 90 minutes and the sensor was being weird so they said come back later. finally brought her back home at 11pm and the sensor still wasn't working, had to go buy another sensor and bring her back this morning to switch them out, had to leave her there for a few hours so they could switch them and make sure the new one worked, then come back in the afternoon. i've had like no sleep at all this week, its a miracle i kept my eyes open to get training to give her insulin. she's so much better since she came home, even though she's not stabilised yet she very clearly feels heaps better ❤ it was such a relief to have her sleeping on my bed again last night. i was still up all night because i felt like i needed to keep an eye on her because i didn't have the monitor. we'll be in and out a lot over the next couple of weeks while they fine tune her dosage and monitor her levels.
#i want to know when i get a break#had planed to use this week to catch up on the prof development course i enrolled in months ago that started the day before nonna passed#i hoped it would be a chance to really apply my mind to something because i feel like my brain is utterly degenerated#after the time i took off this week for this i won't be able to do any of it before it closes i'll just have to download the modules#and read them in my own time without doing any activities/participating in discussions#have to keep canceling my dental check up because things keep coming up#i've also spent the last few weeks trying to link my online tax account to my government services account but it says all my info is wrong#no matter what i give them#what do i need to do#my life updates are so miserable. i delete so many of the posts i start because they just depress me#i deleted two earlier this week#feel like i need to get something out so i keep coming back to try#i still haven't asked hr about whether we have that counselling service thing because i keep forgetting bc i always have so much to catch u#on#i'll try to remember to do it next week#tp
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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my best friend i was in love with all of last year broke up with his girlfriend a few days ago and my past self would be SO pissed that i’m actually being the biggest wingman for him right now. i would be shaking myself screaming WHY AREN’T YOU TRYING TO FUCK HIM WHILE HE’S VULNERABLE!!!!!!!!!
#i’m so glad this happened when it did because like. at any other point of my life i’d have lost my shit#like. do i like him like that any more and am i pretty much entirely over it? yeah#however if he said right now want to do something and never acknowledge it again? after some extreme double checking i would#no point in denying that#i even funded him getting tinder plus because i thought it was funny#he’s currently trying to get with this super hot girl who volunteers at our work#and i really hope it works out she’s so find#it’s so fun tho we’re just constantly bitching to each other abt hating dating apps and the people we’re talking to or whatever#it’s a blast#anyway i forgot to say in an earlier tag but he’s made it glaringly obvious he’s not into me#we’ve talked abt it extensively and fairly frequently reference my former attraction to him#it’s not a weird subject at all he literally doesn’t give a fuck#like it’s all chill but my past self would be so mad that i’m not pursuing this (even if it would inevitably fail)
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resigning myself to the possibility that won’t hear from the boy again and as much as that’s okay, I’ll be fine, life just moves the way it does, I am sad about it, and I have to know it’s okay to let myself be really sad about it
#I really hope it’s not the case still but I have to make my peace with it if it is#he was really so wonderful#it was the best seven hours I’ve had all year#in way longer than that#and I just#I really liked him. I really like him#I wanted to give it a try#I still do#but it’s past my control or say so now and has been for a while#still he said so many wonderful things#said we should hang out again before he leaves (soon!) which did not happen because he was busy#said he’d check in with me about last Friday and didn’t#said during the concert that he’d get his passport and maybe we could go up to Canada together#so I wonder again and again did I say something near the end that changed his mind#that made him think differently#but then I think about how his response when I thought he was ghosting me really was the best possible reply#he had a great time and he’s sorry he didn’t mean to make me worry#I gave him an out then and he could’ve taken it if that’s how he felt#if that’s how he feels#he said he’d be less responsive and hoped that would be okay but it’s been one text since then#radio silence since#so I’m just waiting#waiting and thinking about a reel I saw about a couple who also met on bumble#about how the guy said to the girl that she’d sort of ghosted him in the beginning but now they’re married#I think about how my sister and her husband met at a similar time of year#how he came to thanksgiving and they got married eight months after meeting each other#and it’s not that I want to be married eight months from now or that I even think that he’d be the one#but chat: I’m a romantic I always have been#and I just. I want to try#personal
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