#and I just. I want to try
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resigning myself to the possibility that won’t hear from the boy again and as much as that’s okay, I’ll be fine, life just moves the way it does, I am sad about it, and I have to know it’s okay to let myself be really sad about it
#I really hope it’s not the case still but I have to make my peace with it if it is#he was really so wonderful#it was the best seven hours I’ve had all year#in way longer than that#and I just#I really liked him. I really like him#I wanted to give it a try#I still do#but it’s past my control or say so now and has been for a while#still he said so many wonderful things#said we should hang out again before he leaves (soon!) which did not happen because he was busy#said he’d check in with me about last Friday and didn’t#said during the concert that he’d get his passport and maybe we could go up to Canada together#so I wonder again and again did I say something near the end that changed his mind#that made him think differently#but then I think about how his response when I thought he was ghosting me really was the best possible reply#he had a great time and he’s sorry he didn’t mean to make me worry#I gave him an out then and he could’ve taken it if that’s how he felt#if that’s how he feels#he said he’d be less responsive and hoped that would be okay but it’s been one text since then#radio silence since#so I’m just waiting#waiting and thinking about a reel I saw about a couple who also met on bumble#about how the guy said to the girl that she’d sort of ghosted him in the beginning but now they’re married#I think about how my sister and her husband met at a similar time of year#how he came to thanksgiving and they got married eight months after meeting each other#and it’s not that I want to be married eight months from now or that I even think that he’d be the one#but chat: I’m a romantic I always have been#and I just. I want to try#personal
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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toxic yaoi or something idk i haven't watched gravity falls
#currently obsessed with these two#they're all over my fyp dude#UPDATE: GUYS I WATCHED IT IT WAS SO GOOD#old tags ->#should really sit down and watch gravity falls in its entirety-#i only ever made it like halfway through it years ago and consumed the rest through osmosis lmao#anyways just wanted to try my hand at drawing this old man#gravity falls#bill cipher#stanford pines#the book of bill#gravity falls fanart#billford#s0up1tart
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some domestic shadowlachs <33
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#shadowlach#shadowheart#karlach#i just think they should do eachother’s hair and be cosy and also have a lot of rowdy gay sex#also if you watch jen and aliona's streams the 3rd one is based on when jennifer english LOCKS IN#they've def been there for like 8 hours. the pyjamas are there but the makeup is still on#yet another shadowlach print for the shop whoops#i'm going to try and get at least the shadowlach things done by mcm because i know some people wanted them signed by jen/sam#not to be dramatic but i would weep
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love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking
#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire#'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem#the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted#also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out#so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has said‚ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my#notifs page cleanish lol#also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3#secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because#of investors bankrolling everything#and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest#however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point#once again. so many murder dollars#so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction#anyways . love yall 💕#origibberish#bigger gibbers
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Continuation of this
#trying to write bills cipher in character is harder than it looks#I HAD to finish this comic but I have so many other things to do so now I gotta go do that#it’s nearly 1am help#my art#gravity falls#twins in time au#Stan pines#Stanley pines#bill cipher#I think the idea of bill weaponising Stans fear of losing his brother is so interesting a concept#especially because he literally does lose him in the future#baby Stan having to atone for the actions of his future self when he just wants his cool brother to like him#:((((
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your last light
#artists on tumblr#every now and then i go on instagram for the sole purpose of crossposting art there#i open the page and the first thing i see is#A*I STUDIO#blasted in my face#i try to ignore it#and click the create button#and it asks me if i want to make a new post or#A*I CHARACTER#and i just close the page#born at the worst possible time in history to be an artist#never liked insta anyway but man
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Dick : Jasons been more, relaxed lately. It's unsettling.
Tim : Yeah, I've started spiking his water with mood stabilizers.
Dick : What
Tim : I've been thinking of doing it to the wider gotham water supply. Think about the crime rates.
#Im ngl. him disappearing in comics just to reappear and do wacky insane shit feels like hes going through the mother of all manic episodes#jason todd#dick grayson#tim drake#tim does not want to watch Jason put the batsuit on and try to convince some other poor soul to be his robin#red hood#batfam#CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG I DONT HAVE FAMILY / FRIENDS WITH MANIC EPISODES
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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love when he bounces on his toes from excitement or anger
10/10 character choice and one of the most cutie pie things he could possibly do
#trying to be normal#impossible#i just want to make his eyes roll back#haha oops#star trek tos#star trek#leonard bones mccoy
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#🐉#sorry for ship of theseusing a perfectly decent tumblr post instead of making my own but the#'and then you read it and its just about hating poor people' punchline was essential to the point i was trying to make#and i wanted to credit the op#anyway listen to i am in eskew
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*person has consented to being eaten; they’ve donated their body. they died without suffering. you can cook the meat. you will not get sick from the meat.
bonus: explain why!
#reblog for sample size etc etc#personally i would absolutely try human meat if given the chance#poll#polls#cannibalism#cottons thoughts#pinned#<- insane first post to read if youve only just discovered my blog but i want results!!! i want numbers and sample!!#cannibalism tw
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Book 2 au with Zuko and Katara Lee and Huamei
Katara is separated from her friends, and so she's left to travel the earth kingdom on her own. She stumbles across Zuko, who is similarly travelling on his own. They decide that pairing up and travelling together would be best
#zutara#zuko#katara#atla#my art#book 2 au#book 2 aus have been done before but i wanted to try my own take with tropes i personally enjoy akdjslkdks#also had the urge to draw zutara arguing and just not getting along in general qldjkakslsk#i recently finished natla and also just rewatched book 1 so zutara book 1 dynamic where they're quite hostile with each other is on my mind#they decide to travel together but obviously they don't get along at all at the start#they find each other annoying but that annoyance slowly turns into affection#also alsooo#short hair zuko enjoyers hello#i have switched over to the side of short hair zuko ajrskakdlksjd#also thinking about how to put short hair katara into this akdjaljdlskf#i just think short hair zutara neat :>>
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we're like eighty percent sure that's just water
[jojamart mockumentary #2]
[ prev || next ]
#stardew valley#stardew valley fanart#sdv sam#sdv shane#stardew valley sam#stardew valley shane#jojamart mockumentary#my art#this one was actually very hard to end#originally i wanted to show sam bouncing back fairly quickly and saying hello#or trying to fix his hair in the bathroom#but in reality i think his character would be pretty grumpy after getting got with a spray bottle#so i just left it at shane reflecting
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give yourself a chance to just chill whenever you can 👍
#art#twisted wonderland#i try to avoid talking about Real Shit here#because i want it to be a place where people can take a break from Real Shit and just enjoy some stupid fanart doodles#so that's all i'm gonna say#but whenever you need a break to just enjoy some stupid fanart doodles i'll be here
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