#so I just started learning Japanese and I’m working as an intern at an international company based in Japan

[oooohno]

Oh ho!! Is someone asking over your darling Haganezuka?? Well if that's the case then allow me to wiggle in here as and pour us some tea and you tell me how your darling husband is doing lately.

Or you can just tell me anything, i do very much enjoy your company 💛💛

buckle up buttercup bc today I was thinking about modern Haganezuka in his mechanic shop. In the warmer seasons he always keeps the big garage door open when to let in some fresh air bc it can get a bit stuffy with all the dust and metal and the smell of oil etc. and one day you stroll past his shop and he’s swearing and shouting and you’re actually scared that maybe something’s wrong. So you take a look inside and are met with a sweaty, gruff looking haganezuka blinking at you like a deer caught in the headlights bc you’re so pretty and you definitely heard him swear like there’s no tomorrow and that’s definitely not considered very attractive and and and and and

[lurkingshan]

Kinou nani tabeta/What Did You Eat Yesterday?

You should know that I attempted to start this write up about half a dozen times before I managed to get a single word down. Every time I tried I just ended up staring at the wall. I don’t think I’ve been this emotionally stunned by a show since I Told Sunset About You, and I don’t say that lightly!

So, is this a good show? My god, YES. What an understatement. Let me tell you, as my MDL can attest, I’ve watched nearly 300 dramas. I’m sure I’ve watched even more Western shows since I had a 30 year head start on those. And I can say confidently that I’ve never seen anything quite like this gem.

Kinou nani tabeta, or What Did You Eat Yesterday?, is a drama about two middle aged gay men living their everyday lives, making and sharing food, reckoning with their identities and expectations, and figuring out how to be together in a long term relationship. That’s it, that’s the show. If that sounds boring to you, I gotta tell you: YOU ARE WRONG.

We meet Shiro and Kenji when they’re in their mid 40s and already a couple years into living together. Over the course of the show, we learn more about their relationship - how they got together, how they differ, where they struggle, where they shine, what they are still figuring out - and we see them work through it all, together. We see them at work, with friends, with their families, out in public, and in the privacy of their own home - we get a full and complete picture of their lives. And we are invited in to experience it with them and get up close and personal with their relationship in a way that feels both cozy and thrilling.

Now, I am not going to go into detail about everything that happens in this show, or attempt to provide deep analysis about its story, its characters, or the various cultures it depicts. This show was released in 2019, the manga began its run many years before that, and there are folks on this website - like @isaksbestpillow and @bengiyo - who have been at this a hell of a long time and thus have a broader context and lived experience from which to critically examine the show and its messages as they relate to Japanese familial values, life as a queer man from an older generation, and building community while living in a culture that is actively hostile to who you are. I implore you to go read their thoughts and learn from their wisdom. But what I will do is mention a couple (3… no 4, okay 5!) things that really made it stand out to me, a lifelong romance reader, avid media consumer, and drama enjoyer (I’m going to keep plot stuff vague because I hope if you’re reading this, you will be watching very soon!):

Let me repeat: this is a drama about a middle aged couple in a long term relationship, and the ongoing growth and deepening of their relationship is the main plot. Do I have to tell you how unique that is? The romance genre is rarely interested in what happens after the couple gets together, and even in other dramas featuring a couple in a LTR, the plot is usually about something else with the relationship in the background. And I’m fairly sure this is the only show of this nature in the entire bl genre (@absolutebl please fact check me if I’m wrong). In this show, the relationship is the point. It’s a rare look at what it actually takes to learn to deal with your baggage and share your life with someone, and I found it deeply moving.

My god these actors. With all due respect to the many fine actors in the bl industry, these two are on another level. We just never get to see seasoned actors of this caliber headlining ql dramas. If I have one tiny critique of this show, it’s that I found the moments when they let us listen in on the characters’ internal monologues mostly unnecessary - every emotional beat played out in their faces and body language. There’s this one scene I can’t stop thinking about, where the main pair are fighting, and one of them says something he doesn’t mean, and you see the regret on his face instantly, followed by a quick aborted movement as if to take it back, but his partner has already turned away and doesn’t see it. Just perfection. And the acting was so good in the finale (@waitmyturtles informed me my absolute fav moment was improvised for fucks sake) that it actually laid me out for like an hour, I was just sitting there in a crying daze.

The writing is so fucking smart. What’s absolutely brilliant about this show is that it’s structured like an episodic slice of life drama, but there is a deeper long term emotional arc at play and the writers forget nothing. Just like in life, in each episode something will happen, it won’t really get fully resolved, and the characters will move on. But on this show, it always comes back around, usually when your guard is down and they can inflict maximum damage by sucker punching you right in the solar plexus. I can hardly believe how many times this show managed to sneak attack me with emotional realness (official Shan cry count: 8/12 episodes caused me to burst into tears, sometimes more than once).

This show will take you through every possible destination on the spectrum of human emotion. I was so emotional while watching this show, in every sense. Crying both happy and sad tears. Swinging wildly between giddy delight, deep sadness, low key anger, and belly laughing. Sometimes the switch happens literally one scene to the next! And yet, there is an evenness to the tone and assuredness to the filmmaking that makes it all feel smooth. You never feel jerked around by the narrative. This is a credit to the writing, acting, and editing all coming together with perfect precision. The people who made this show are masters of their crafts.

OBVIOUSLY I MUST MENTION THE FOOD. Every episode of this show features at least one instance of a character making Japanese food that looks like the best thing you’ve never gotten the chance to eat. I do not recommended watching this without feeding yourself first, because it will have you salivating. And they don’t just show you the characters making the food (even narrating the recipes for you!), they always show you the characters actually eating and enjoying it. Some real foodies were involved in this production and as someone who loves to eat and absolutely was raised to view feeding people as a love language, I loved it.

So now that you are obviously dying to watch it, you must be wondering: where can I find this show? Let me point you to this post on @kinounaniresource, where the amazing Siiri has compiled all the video files and English subs you need. If you’re not familiar with how to use these, you’ll find instructions on her blog (if you get confused come ask me, please don’t bug her about it). I know sometimes shows being a little hard to access is a big deterrent to watching them, but please trust me that this is absolutely worth your time and effort, you will not regret it.

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked: Of all the many languages you speak which is your weakest one? Do you use those languages?

It’s privilege to learn any language that isn’t your mother tongue. As Ludwig Wittgenstein correctly observed, “The limits of my language means the limits of my world”. If English is our native tongue we put ourselves at a disadvantage because we expect every other nationality to take the trouble to speak it. There seems no incentive to learn a foreign language. We become lazy not just in language but also in other ways including our cultural enrichment, our imagination, and a misplaced sense of our self-importance in the world.

Of the European languages I know, I probably think German would be my weakest. When I was in school in Switzerland you’re brought up in three languages: French, Italian, and German (even if the Swiss speak Swiss German). When I say weakest I mean I can converse fluently, but I don’t have time to read German literature in the same immersive way I would say with French literature or take any special interest in German affairs.

I would say I’m fairly fluent in French now but still prone to silly mistakes. I’ve been told that I can speak without an accent and that is heart warming to know, because that was always the goal once I moved here to France. I don’t really use French in my work as it’s a multi-national entity and so English is the default language of corporate world, but I’m speaking French pretty much the rest of the time outside of work.

I was extremely fortunate to be born into a multi-lingual family where Norwegian and English were spoken from birth. All my siblings were being versed in Latin (not Greek which came years later after doing Classics at university) by the time I was 8 or 9 years old because my father was a classicist and he felt Latin was the building blocks to mastering other languages.

All this occurring whilst we moved lived and moved around a lot in the world such as China, Japan, India, and the Middle East. When I was initially sent to one of the first of my English girls boarding schools I was horrified that most of the girls only spoke English. I thought I was the stupid one for only knowing 6. Boarding school, if nothing else, gave me a great privilege to hone in on the languages I did know and start to learn others.

My parents didn’t take the easy way out and put us children in international schools like all the other expat children. That would have been too easy given how tight knit the British expatriate community was out there. Instead we were left to sink or swim in local schools in places like Tokyo and Kyoto in Japan or Shanghai in China or in Delhi, India. It was a struggle but you soon find your feet and you stumble towards some basic level of fluency.

I’m fortunate that before Covid my corporate work took me often to the Far East and it was a great opportunity to hone what I already knew. The result is I can converse and take business meetings in Chinese and Japanese (though English gets thrown into the mix too).

I would say Chinese is more of a struggle for me these days because I’ve not been back since before the Covid lockdown in 2020. Chinese is one of those languages that can easily melt away if you don’t get the chance to converse in it on a regular basis. Japanese less so, probably because the culture had more profound impact on me than Chinese culture.

Hindi is less of an issue because I have close Indian friends and also I watch Bollywood movies as well as converse with Indian immigrants here in Paris who have local stores. Urdu I learned through the backdoor because Urdu has a spoken affinity with Hindi (if you know Hindi then you know spoken Urdu, more or less, especially in Northern India and cities like Delhi where Urdu was born in the burnt ashes of Mughal India). Reading is another matter because they each use different scripts - Sanskrit for Hindi and Arabic and Persian script for Urdu.

Strangely enough when I was doing my tour in Afghanistan years ago with the British army, I would speak Urdu with local Afghans who served as official translators or were selling goods on the base. These Afghans knew Urdu because an entire generation of Afghan boys and girls grew up in refugee camps on the Pakistani border during the different phases of the Afghan war. I have very fond memories of their friendship and hospitality, but less so of the war itself. 

With Arabic, it had lapsed woefully until I did a posting in Dubai in the past year (as catalogued in my blog) and I found myself suddenly remembering a lot and asking Arab friends. Soon I was able to hold my own amongst my colleagues and corporate clients. In these cultures it’s really hard to stay focused because so many of them speak very good English. So it’s hard to get them to stick with their own language because you want to learn from them - but they want to show off their English proficiency - and so you have to be polite but persistent to stick with Arabic.  

If you’re learning a new language then I hope you stick with it. There’s almost nothing more rewarding in your life than the disocovery a rich culture through language. The key is to find a way to make it fun rather than a trip to the dentist chair for a root canal operation.

Thanks for your question.

[bengiyo]

Minato’s Laundromat 2 Ep 1 Stray Thoughts

I was not even hoping for this to get a sequel, but I am so excited that we are. We so often leave characters at their starting line. Minato unpacked a lot of his own internalized homophobia and cowardice in the last season, and I’m excited to see what the showrunners think the early phase of his relationship with Shin will look like. I’m not much of a fan of time skips, and so this is what I’ve not-so-secretly hoped for when I ask for more stories about gay people staying together.

I like that we’re opening this season with a reaffirmation that Minato actually likes running the laundromat.

There he is! My favorite menace!

I like the new intro.

Asuka!! My second favorite menace!

Okay, I’m legitimately excited for Asuka pursuing more learning for himself. There was a melancholy resignation about his life hanging over him before.

Shin is still crushing the hopes and dreams of potential female suitors.

I really love Japanese filmmaking styles around walking. Asuka jumps in step with Shin, revealing that the two are still friends (despite Shin’s apparent irritation with Asuka). When their issues come up, Shin immediately falls behind. They both stop, and this kicks them into an A-B shot conversation briefly. We’ve landed at the first worry that has broken their stride. It’s good! It communicates so much. Shin is worried about his three-month-old relationship with Minato, Asuka is being picked on to study by everyone and teased about his crush on Shun. These two are still the gay friends who’ve been together forever but are always seemingly picking on each other. It’s great.

I’m enjoying this divide in the way these two are handling being together. Shin has known of his attraction for a long time, and wants Minato to be direct and open about his feelings. Minato is still shy about them, and gets embarrassed.

“Have I been a good boy for the last three months?” There’s my favorite menace!

I’m relieved we’re getting Minato’s internal monologue. Shin is going to speak his feelings aloud because he has no shame about them, but we the audience need to hear Minato’s worries. He’s too anxious a character for us to just read them from his face.

Curious where Minato’s specific hang up on saying “I like you” to Shin comes from.

See, this is what I’m talking about with good use of side couples. We cut away from the mains to Asuka telling Shun he likes him and Shun telling him to focus on his studies. Shun is incapable of returning the romantic feelings Asuka is projecting at him, but he’s been clear about that the whole time. Still, he agrees that Asuka’s presence is a positive one in his life. I’m LOCKED IN.

This beach always looks so uncomfortable.

I have missed Minato’s shirts, but not how hungry they make me.

I love that Asuka goes to Minato to complain about Shun. Minato is also the one not meeting his partner’s vocalized needs, so it puts him in the awkward position of defending Shun. Also amused at Minato dodging the question about whether he and Shin have been intimate, because we know for sure they have.

I hope Shin isn’t playing games with Minato about being busy…but also low-key I hope he’s using this as an opportunity to mess with Minato. I’m sorry. I’m a little shallow. I like when characters misuse malicious compliance to give their romantic partners what they say they want.

“Who’s the real kid here? It seems like it’s me.” Love when we read a character correctly.

You know Minato is approaching 30 because he’s excited about a new broom.

Shin working at the same cram school as Shun gives so much potential for other character dynamics.

Just one of these times I want to see Shin throw hands with Asuka.

Shin remains my favorite. Minato is playing avoidance games again and Shin is not having it.

I’m curious if the reason Shin can’t go home tonight is about the ruined refrigerator and he’s just being dramatic.

I’m not sure how living together works when Minato still has all these hang ups.

I like the new version of the beach outro.

Nishigaki Sho and Kusakawa Takuya are just ridiculously attractive. My goodness.

I’m genuinely excited about what domesticity looks like for these two.

I missed these boys so much! I don’t care if we don’t have a manga to rely upon. I am so excited to get a season about these two starting their relationship. This feels like a warmup for TV Tokyo before we get more of What Did You Eat Yesterday? in the fall. I am just so satisfied with my BL experience lately.

[cloudsandwichsoup]

general mp100 char headcanons,,(this’ll probably change in the future maybe,, i’ll update as i think of new ones)

shigeo “mob” kageyama

he/him

bi 100%

he’s quiet in most spaces and likes to listen but he rambles a lot when given the opportunity

he’s more talkative in general post canon but usually needs someone to start the conversation

he feels a little uncomfortable in fem clothes (because of the school break in incident) but would wear a skirt if asked (depends on who’s asking, will say no to reigen)

will wear anything teru buys for him

always the first player when playing video games

goes to s&s at least once a week to visit

teases his brother sometimes (but is the one mostly being teased)

the most normal little guy you’ve ever seen /j

arataka reigen

he/him

(disaster) gay

single father of 3 (tome, teru, shou)

married to serizawa

has a decent fashion taste when recommending things to others (but not himself all his clothes are ugly)

unofficially adopted teru and let him live in his apartment; serizawa (didn’t live with him at the time) convinced him into getting a bigger one because teru and reigen were super cramped

very proud of mob (cries when he graduates middle school)

slowly and painfully tries to be more honest (and causes more problems in the process)

can cook is just too lazy to do so

sings pretty well

doesn’t pay his rent on time

salt everywhere

ritsu kageyama

he/him

achillean (men liker syndrome)

“romance ew” but is also a hopeless romantic (shouromantic /hj)

homophobic but only towards reigen (and teru for liking his brother)

emo and listens to mcr and p!atd /hj

he talks about his fixations with mob

it’s hard for him to open up even post canon,, he still has the tendency to bottle up his feelings

he gets to 100% much easier then mob does since he has less patience

it isn’t as bad though

had a fursona (his drawing of it is crumpled up in his closet)

shou drew it for him once when he found a drawing of it lying around (ritsu wanted to die)

katsuya serizawa

he/him trans (im not projecting you are)

gay

goes to therapy (and forces reigen to go eventually)

tries to give helpful advice… to varying degrees of success

he’s shou’s better dad

sensitive to louder noises (like houses burning)

aware he’s severely underpaid but stays at s&s because of reigen (and the fact that he genuinely likes the job) they end up sharing finances so they should be fine… hopefully

he works multiple jobs (online and otherwise) to keep himself afloat before he gets married cause he really REALLY wants to stay at s&s

he gets a degree in psychology and expands s&s with counseling services

can be sarcastic when he wants to be

still anxious though he’s gotten a lot better (he’s learned how to look more put together and instead panics more internally)

the nerd ever

he rambles about his favorite games and shows to anyone that will listen

teruki hanazawa

he/they (hetheycore)

gay i don’t make the rules

his hair is naturally blond and his blue eyes are not contacts (i’m specifying this cause some people say otherwise) his parents are some european + japanese

he’s fem but in a masc way if that makes sense

hopelessly in love with kageyama shigeo,, he isn’t subtle about it at all (mob has his suspicions but doesn’t want to get carried away)

literally realized he didn’t like women after he met mob (more like after he realized liking boys was a thing after looking it up)💀

has one sided beef with tsubomi over mob’s affection, they became friends later I just think it’s funny if teru is jealous

has a hobby in fashion

reigen is his dad and they move in together post canon cause i said so

shou suzuki

he/him

pan

animal lover; hampter

art kid 💀

has ocs probably

he gets scared easily and is also sensitive to louder noises

serizawa straightened his hair as a kid (still does his hair just gives him his curly hair products now that shou wants to go natural)

got a buzz cut cause he absolutely ruined his hair after ironing it every day

honorary child of the arataka family

he visits people by breaking in through their windows

wants to kiss ritsu on the lips but he burned his house down so (he might burn it again if they kiss)

dimple

he/him

aroace king

“i am a male. i am a man. i’m a ‘he’. I don’t get into that… mentally ill shiz.” /hj

besties with reigen (but won’t admit it)

strange uncle to shigeo and ritsu

wants to attack teru for all of the atrocious outfit recs he gives mob

he tries to pick a fight with mob about his outfit when it looks horrendous (mob always wins)

babies ritsu a lot

follows tome to make sure she doesn’t get hurt and ends up enjoying traveling to weird places in search of spirits

tome kurata

she/her

sapphic

never stops loving aliens

becomes interested in figuring out how espers work

hates momo /hj

runs a spirit blog + a cringe yt channel with dimple

calls dimple “dimps”

crashes at reigen’s place cause she can

she pretty much lives there so she’s technically wawa and taka’s kid

her grandparents raised her… her parents exist lol

her grandpa was a conspiracy theorist and that’s why she got into aliens idk

probably takes over s&s when she’s an adult (kicks reigen out)

momozou takenaka

he/him swag

says he's straight only cause it's funny 💀💀

he had a crush on tsubomi but now likes tome against his will,, he thinks her passion is admirable and she didn’t treat him differently because of his abilities so… crush?

good friends with tsubomi, they complain about life together

actually really likes tennis

expresses his affection through subtle ways and tries everything he can to divert attention from said affection

hates tome /j

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: My Bromance and Yaoi Influences Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I cover My Bromance, a 2014 stepbrothers movie rooted in yaoi tropes and structures.]

Okie-dokie, my yaoi smokies! Earlier this week, I reviewed likely the most seminal film to have influenced the Thai television BL genre, 2007's Love of Siam. I took on one more pre-BL movie to round out the early Old GMMTV Challenge list in My Bromance (2014), and I did so for a few reasons.

First, a little time period context: before the launch of proto-Thai television BL in Love Sick (2014) -- an ensemble drama that did not center, but rather included, a queer romance in Phun x Noh -- Thai cinema was where queer relationships were mostly explored. In discussion with @bengiyo, Thai, pan-Asian, and international queer cinema was also where the majority of stereotypes about the presumed endings of queer relationships were mostly held, as I discussed at length in my Love of Siam review.

My Bromance aired in February 2014, and Love Sick aired in July 2014. I don't *think* the two properties spoke to each other by way of art or influence -- in part, simply because My Bromance is rooted in some STRONG Thai yaoi tropes that almost pre-determined the ending of the film (spoiler alert, I'll get into this later). (And I want to note and appreciate the differences in the term "yaoi" as interpreted in Japan vs. Thailand.) Love Sick, while utterly and fabulously chaotic, ended in happiness, with Phun and Noh confirming their relationship.

The second reason why I added My Bromance to this list is because history tells us that Thailand's past and present fascination with Japanese yaoi manga and anime, in part, primed wider Thai audiences for television dramas featuring queer love and relationships. As we know now, Thai filmmakers have made Thai television BL a genre of its own, complete with tropes and built-in assumptions about how the dramas are structured and how the stories are told. The most overt Thai yaoi-influenced drama on the OGMMTVC list is TharnType, and I wanted to add at least one pre-BL yaoi piece to get a sense for how yaoi would then play out on television (and I know there are PLENTY more very early television BLs that were touched by yaoi, but TharnType is the most influential one on the future of the BL genre).

The third reason for this addition is that the two leads of My Bromance -- Fluke Teerapat and Fluke Natouch -- both have long and notable careers in Thai television BL, with Fluke Natouch also having starred in a number of other pre-BL queer Thai films. Fluke Natouch, for me, reached legend-ish status by just existing in Until We Meet Again, which became a fast favorite of mine when I watched it for the OGMMTVC. But separately, I was particularly curious about seeing Fluke Teerapat in a pre-television Thai BL piece. As many of us know, likely his most famous role is that of Wad in SOTUS, GMMTV's first BL from 2016, in which Wad may or may not have been presumed to be paired with the older character, Prem. More importantly, since then, Fluke Teerapat has had a long career in Thai BL screenwriting, penning (with his partner, Tanachot Prapasri) two of the most notable non-GMMTV BLs of the past few years, My Ride and La Pluie. Both of these shows have reached a touch of cult status, and if they were both penned by a guy who's been around the BL way for a second, then -- I wondered if Fluke Teerapat's early acting career could give me insight in any lessons he learned about, maybe, what NOT to do in Thai BLs today.

Welp, I think My Bromance helps with those lessons, lol. @lurkingshan hipped me to the central trope that structures My Bromance -- the yaoi stepbrother trope in which, yes, oh yes, stepbrothers, ya know.

Maybe the first and most overall general assessment I can give of My Bromance is that it could perhaps get a little insane in its storyline by way of how it needed to be centralized around the taboo yaoi stepbrother trope in the first place. I've talked with @so-much-yet-to-learn and @absolutebl in the past about how in some shows rooted in yaoi, or at least a taboo trope or two -- how oftentimes, that show may include two or three or more taboo influences, since the show already decided to go to a different place than a socially acceptable moral or ethical center-norm.

I think I was watching that in My Bromance. Besides the stepbrothers realizing that they were attracted to each other, probably the most remarkable infrastructural inclusion of this movie was the utter cluelessness by Golf, the stepbrother played by Fluke Teerapat, that trying to continue a relationship in the face of everything against them might have been an effort not worth pursuing. That love of this sort might lead to more pain than pleasure.

Golf was a character set up as essentially abandoned by his father and stepmother for the sake of work, as both parents left Golf alone to travel for work constantly -- which left Golf alone in a house with Bank (Fluke Natouch) for lengthy periods of time that allowed them to find out their love for each other. Now, if you and your lover are alone for an inordinate amount of time, then yes -- you are going to think that in that environment, in that particular moment, your love can flourish. But when reality hit, and Golf and Bank were found out, and attempts were made to split them up, man, did Golf ever put the pressure on Bank to just... suck it up.

It was a tough framework to watch. Golf, through Fluke Teerapat's acting, was the living version of denial personified. He would NOT accept, immaturely, that Bank and himself could NOT be together. EVEN WHILE Golf and Bank were ultimately separated, physically and emotionally, Golf expected Bank's love to remain true. (I mean, imagine, this Bank is played by an 18-year-old Fluke Natouch. Bank was taking hit after hit!) And this is even after Golf returns from a years-long overseas stint.... with a girlfriend. Golf still scolds Bank for giving up on their love...

...to the point that they get into a physical altercation with deeply impactful results involving a car accident, surgeries, organ transplants, everything. Apologies for spoiling the ending, but it was so wild for me that I just need to process it for a second and consider its impact on television BLs.

I mentioned before that Bank was taking hit after hit. Before the car accident, his own mother seemed to begin to accept his sexual orientation (!!!) -- even trying to set Bank up with a new boyfriend. Thundering right back to another yaoi framework, Bank replies that while he might be gay, he doesn't need to love another man (what was this movie DOING to poor Bank?!). Then, later on, Bank even reluctantly agrees to try seeing a new guy himself at school. Bank himself wasn't necessarily an innocent blushing maiden -- at one point, he called Golf a coward for not being 100% committed to their love, which I think was an accurate call-out for what Golf was expecting Bank to accept by way of Golf's outward performance as a straight man. The poor kid was just trying to figure himself the hell out in the face of confusion and repeated abandonment.

Then the car accident happens, and Bank is gravely injured, to which Golf responds with a kidney (at least Golf showed up in one way!). And Golf disappears after that.

We learn, after Bank leaves the hospital, that Golf has died. (Here's where we get into the we've-come-to-expect-horrible-endings-for-queer-characters paradigm that I discussed in my Love of Siam review.) Man, Bank was taking a lot. He was under the impression at one point that Golf was going to get engaged. And then he learns that Golf, instead, was gone!

It was a lot -- a lot for a movie that clearly was not going to treat its queer characters well, inconsistently at best, and a lot for a movie that kept piling on the yaoi-ness of the genre it was playing in. These guys stood no chance of happiness, especially with Golf insisting that Bank still love him, despite everything Golf himself was doing in trying to live a straight life with a girlfriend/fiancée before he departs the film.

Now, with the benefit of watching this 2014 film with 2023 hindsight, I knew that Golf would "come back" in a My Bromance television series from 2020. But in 2014, at the end of the first movie -- I am sure audiences were just like, what.... was all that for. Bank had been through the ringer, for a relationship that was going to be difficult to maintain anyway, in a society that isn't easy on gay men in the first place in mid-2010s Thailand. (And the WONDERFUL @twig-tea filled me in on the context of the long wait to get to 2020's My Bromance sequel in the first place -- only for fans to be disappointed again in the quality of that series.)

When I think about this film in the context of 2019's TharnType, and even to a smaller extent, 2018's Love By Chance (both MAME pieces that feature yaoi overtones), it just seems that a common framework of early Thai yaoi BLs was that many of the dudes just didn't deserve empathy in their creation and longevity. That being queer AUTOMATICALLY meant that one was subject to pain. It's interesting for me to ponder this as this expectation was flirted with on television screens, as opposed to the movies. Again, while I discussed this previously in the context of how cinematically-driven queer and/or BL art plays out -- in regards to art that's structured specifically around yaoi frameworks, it seems like a rule that the dudes are supposed to take hit after hit, without the responsibility of the content checking in on the characters and offering them alternate trajectories of emotional discovery.

We didn't see that in TharnType -- TharnType featured a deeply complicated resolution that involved the intentional hurting of feelings over lengthy periods of time, and a redemption for an INCREDIBLY problematic character in Lhong. And TharnType was made not that long ago -- just four years ago from now.

I talked at length in my Love of Siam review about how brilliantly today's BL filmmakers have taken other expectations of Asian media, such as the concept of open-ended endings, to fascinating and artistically challenging results (to me, resulting in beautiful pieces). But when a piece is structured around yaoi rules and tropes, then it seems like many characters don't stand a chance at happiness. I know that's not a hard and fast rule, but it does create an expectation that something might happen.

I haven't seen My Ride and La Pluie yet, but at least with my dear drama clown friends, I followed the La Pluie journey through meta, and it looks about as opposite from My Bromance as anything -- a tight story about an emotional journey that featured a little magical realism and a lot of emotional development. I want to think that Fluke Teerapat saw the early work that he himself was getting involved in, and said to himself -- man, I know how I can make this MUCH, MUCH better, especially to represent queer happiness and queer love. I think he was beginning to address these conflicts in 2020's YYY, which features a wildly fabulous character in Porpla DEMANDING that the men of their life perform exactly to their yaoi standards. By the time Fluke Teerapat gets to My Ride and La Pluie -- it makes me think he had learned ENOUGH about what could go bad to make excellent standalone art.

Because of my respective fascination and appreciation for both Flukes, I'm glad I watched My Bromance, and separately, it does very much deserve a spot on the OGMMTVC syllabus to just show us what was out there on the eve of Love Sick's premiere. We hear so often that yaoi was an important influence to early Thai canon novel BLs and the television genre, so this sets up folks nicely to understand why shows later on like TharnType existed and were so popular. The expectation had been born and bred, and with TharnType's heat included, it drove the masses crazy. For my totally personal tastes, My Bromance wasn't my speed. But I do think and hope that it set up the two EXCELLENT Flukes for developing their standards around good, even GREAT, BLs in their writing and acting futures.

[Allllllllllright! My previously unscheduled detour into early Thai queer cinema is done for the moment, and I am back to the chronology of a few weeks ago, when I left off with Manner of Death watched and unreviewed. That review will drop early next week. My LOVING homage to my first P'Aof Noppharnach BL in my rewatch review of A Tale of Thousand Stars will drop after that. And then, my surprised take on Lovely Writer -- surprised because I did not expect, at all, to fall so much in love with it!

I'm getting through Nadao Bangkok's Last Twilight in Phuket and I Promised You The Moon at the moment, and soon on the horizon, I've got Not Me and 55:15 Never Too Late on deck -- 55:15 on the list because of its integrated BL storyline and commentary. And then a moment that *I* know I've been waiting for -- my long-awaited Bad Buddy and Our Skyy 2 rewatch. Oh, my heart. Can't wait.

The latest list is below -- I welcome your thoughts! (Tumblr's new web editor is jacking with this list below and not letting me strikethrough those shows that I've watched. For the most updated list, check this link right here.)

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) (review coming) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (review coming) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review coming) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 39) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 40) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 41) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults) 42) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 43) Only Friends (2023)]

[sentryofwords]

Old Ponish Language Construction

More below cut (which I finally learned to put in)

It doesn’t look like it, but this took me two whole weeks to make. It's my first time Conlanging (making a constructed language, or a Conlang) and I am equal parts excited and tired. It's a bit of a daunting task, because I’ve signed myself up for not just one, but two languages right off from the start. And I do have a very good reason for that. In the show, everyone references Old Ponish. This implies that they are all speaking a newer version of that language, New Ponish perhaps (I’m playing around with name ideas, maybe Cantish?) 

Rather than try to just decipher what everyone in the show was saying when they were speaking Old Ponish, I’m coming up with my own language. This is largely because I suspect the show just relabeled Latin. Taking that into account, I decided to start with latin, and come up with my own words from there. (I also mixed in a little Greek). My accents may be missing, my pronunciation guides may be off, and I may not know how to read an IPA (International Phonetic Alphabet) chart, but I will crank this language out, and it will be okay.

 I don’t need to be able to pronounce anything correctly due to the fact that this language will be expressed only through the written word. And I plan on using a different alphabet eventually for all of my words, so no need to write out the accent. This is just the spelled out version of each word. A better way to explain it would be how you have more than one way that you could write Japanese words. You could write them for a Japanese speaking audience, using Hiragana, or you could write them out for an English speaking audience, using the English alphabet to approximate the noises that each word would make, like ‘Kawaii’. Right now, I’m writing out the noises that each word makes, but once I get the hang of it, I can figure out what letters I want to make and start making some words out of them.

Also, the order my sentences will go in are a bit different from English sentences. English sentences are typically Subject, Verb, Object, but I plan to use Subject, Object, Verb for sentence structure, at least in Old Ponish. It is a bit odd working with this sentence structure, so I will almost definitely change it for New Ponish/Cantish, and may even scrap it for Old Ponish if it gets difficult to work with. The reason why I’m trying to keep it is because I want a subtle change from Latin to New Ponish, and feel like changing the sentence structure that quickly would be too big a change.

Note: For the new alphabet, I plan for a lot of the strokes to be mostly up or down, with maybe a few diagonal, and rarely ever sideways. Essentially, I’m trying to make it so it would be easy to write with a tool you could hold in your mouth. Because it’s for ponies.

[dajaregambler]

Hello once again.

I have good news. After a lot of mental struggles, personal stuffs, feeling overall aimless in life because I’m dealing with graduation, and so on, I have finally found motivation to get back to translating.

Being first hand in Japan and experiencing the language, learning new things everyday (and emptying my wallet on Keith stonks), really made me remember how much joy I experienced from interacting with this language.

And there are many amazing things out there, from games to manga and novels. I want everyone to be able to experience it. I had started to learn Japanese with that intent, but due a harrowing (albeit worthwile) internship, the looming pressure of Capitalism and exploitation of creativity crushing me, plus a lot of other stuff… yeah, my motivation died down heavily for a bit. I dropped other TL projects I had and kept pulling Helios behind me in hopes I’ll finally finish what I started, since I couldn’t with the rest.

I also felt discouraged because I kept asking myself, who am I doing this for if not myself…? I don’t know how many people, if any, even need my translations that much. I felt a bit lost on that too. I have had people tell me they appreciate what I do, and I know I’m part of why people can enjoy Helios to some extent. But I had to say to myself: I’m here ‘cuz I just love translating, and Keith. If people read it, that’s a mere bonus. This is a hobby thing after all.

There’s a lot of days left of my vacation however, so of course I will be taking it easy and enjoying the rest of it. Hopefully not lose all of my money on Keith stonks either.

I know people follow this blog for content, not for me. But hey, take it as a lengthy update that can be summed up into “Ah that slacking jackass is finally getting back to work.” (I mean, I’m a Keith oshi who thinks he is in the right about slacking off, expectations should be on the floor by now…)

Anyway, that’s that on that.

When I’m back, I’ll be back for real. Gonna crank out SITD and finally clean up all my old TLs, they need it badly!

PS. Went to Happy Elements store and the lack of Helios was shameful. SMH. This is why I must spread the word like a preacher, international Helios stonks will take over.

[revols-headcanons]

the belcher family headcanons

(i just started rewatching the show. i haven’t seen past s6 so don’t spoil too important things. but i’ve also seen lots of clips from later episodes, some full later episodes, and the movie).

they are all autistic; with tina, gene, and linda being the most obvious while bob and louise being less obvious. linda’s diagnosed while bob isn’t (he’s in denial of even being autistic), and they’re working on getting their kids diagnosed (though they cannot afford it, so it’s not a priority for them).

bob doesn’t believe he’s autistic (internalized ableism) but he is acutely aware that there is something ‘wrong’/‘off’/different about himself from others. both bob and tina share that same insecurity that everyone else can tell that they don’t quite belong.

this is based off of one line from an episode, but while gene loves doing filthy things (eating tacos on toilet, eating mold, etc.), he cannot stand the sweatiness of hands or the feel of his bare feet on the floor. he washes his hands consistently and he always wears socks. linda carries baby wipes, hand sanitizer, and extra socks for gene in her purse because of one really bad experience.

one of the belcher parents is hispanic. i’m saying bob because gayle gives off eccentric white woman energy. but gene learns all the spanish inappropriate words and bobs like “gene i don’t even know spanish what-”

tina ends up starting an elaborate friend-fiction and fan fiction business in her school. she makes a lot of money writing romantic hypotheticals for her classmates. louise becomes her sales manager (and gets andy and ollie to make fanart for the fics) and gene makes little jingles for them as well.

gene gets dizzy when he watches fireworks for too long due to his sensitivity towards bright, flashing lights. the forth of july and new years eve are difficult for him because he loves the celebration aspect, but has to go inside to prevent himself from panicking. usually bob goes inside afterwards to talk to him and calm him down since bob used to act similar as a kid.

tina and linda both do the dinosaur arms, and linda, gene, and louise do the hand flaps and happy claps. louise and bob both chew on their shirts when they’re stressed (and then immediately changing their shirts because wrinkly, wet t-shirt is an uncomfortable feeling/texture).

this one is based off of a convention panel, but louise is really good at math but doesn’t apply herself at all because she thinks school is pointless. either that or she is really good at learning languages and that she can speak spanish, french, russian, german, swedish, portugeuse, and japanese— all at varying levels of fluency and all learned during different time periods of her life.

^^also based on that same convention, but tina learns taichi martial arts because she thinks it’s cool. she originally does it because of the cute instructor, but then she realizes how nice of an outlet it is.

linda’s the only straight, non-LGBT+ belcher (or is she??) and she is very much like “aww my little babies going to their first pride! love is love, alright!” like the lovable, just cringy, supportive parents are. when the kids come out, none of them know the proper terminology. it’s like: “i’m not a boy! or a girl! i am everything! i’m collecting all of the pronouns like pokemon” or “i would very much like to date multiple people, that way i can admire all the butts.”

during pride month, bob puts up a little bisexual flag as a partial coming out, a partial way to create a safe space, and a partial rainbow capitalist move (something something mr. fischoeder threatens to raise their rent, and the belchers need a break financially), and he tells the kids to get business for the restaurant— the kids interpret that as: gene makes a really bad song like “boys are hot, i like them. gay people. love is love. buy our burgers cuz the gays are great and we support them very much” (or basically that one tiktok audio that goes “fortnite, balls, i’m gay, i like boys, i kidnap autistic kids”), tina puts posters up around school that say “buy one bob’s burger dish, get homosexual validation from an adult who supports gay youth” (which confuses bob when a bunch of children buy burgers and then rub their snotty noses into his apron and suffocate him while muttering “i haven’t had a parental hug in years”), and louise guilt trips and gaslights the elderly into buying from the restaurant or else they’re homophobic assholes (some of them openly are homophobic, to which louise purposely shoves/trips them in response).

^^bob ends up scolding the kids but they make a huge profit. the kids also didn’t technically say anything that wasn’t really true (except for louise but yk). bob pawns the comforting children to linda, who hugs and validates the children while bob grills.

tina definitely watches those magical girl animes like sailor moon. gene watches cartoons and slice of life anime. louise watches studio ghibli movies religiously and her favorite is my neighbor totoro (that green night light thing (kuchi kopi) is def based off of totoro). she also loves death note and definitely supports light and/or L to an uncomfortable degree.

tina is a massive taylor swift fan. her favorite album is fearless and her favorite songs are fifteen, hey stephen, love story, and white horse. she knows all of the lore and will make random references like “this is why you don’t miss someone’s birthday. have you even heard all too well? the moment I knew?” she compares jimmy jr. to romeo in love story and stephen in hey stephen even though she has no competition for him. she’s definitely dramatically slid down her door screaming the lyrics to enchanted before. (jimmy jr. would probably like john mayers music b/c of his dad, and that is tina’s biggest ick about him).

gene vaguely likes red and 1989 (specially sparks fly, new romantics, bejeweled, and starlight) and louise says her favorite album is reputation but it’s actually folklore (specially i did something bad, the last great american dynasty, karma, and peace).

they used to have a christmas tradition for the kids where they can get whatever they can carry in their arms. they stopped doing this after one year where all the kids got the most expensive items ever for no reason.

gene is a zodiac kid who definitely says “venus is in retrograde” and “you’re such a gemini.” louise always makes comments like “of course you’re one of those star losers.” he’s also like “tina, you’re a libra and jimmy jr. is a leo— that’s completely incompatible. the stars don’t lie!”

in a comic it mentions that tina has blue eyes, and the show mentions gene and bob having brown eyes, so i think linda has blue eyes and louise has brown eyes.

gene had a horrific musical theater phase. he learned burn and candy store on his keyboard. in high school he signs up for the theater program. he was one of the few amab people who signed up, so he got a fair amount of leading roles.

the kids full names are: tina ruth belcher, eugene nicholas belcher, and louise ann belcher.

gene doesn’t go to college, instead he pulls a bo burnham (minus the bigotry) and performs musical comedy.

louise takes online college courses to become a business major with a minor in culinary arts so she could run the restaurant.

tina goes to college to become an author. she writes both smutty romance books (pen name is dina capulet maybe?) and childrens pony books (real name of tina belcher) but by different names.

not belcher specific, but their town is the most neurodivergent town in existence: all five of the belchers, teddy, gayle, courtney, jimmy jr, zeke, andy and ollie, just to name a few.

[kendrixtermina]

The „passions“ as specific experiences

I hadn’t put these on tumblr & it occurred to me that I probably should

After consuming a lot of books, videos, first-hand accounts etc, I’ve come to the conclusions that the „passions“ are in fact rather specific combinations of thoughts & emotions than in theory anyone could experience, but which the types for whom it’s the main issue experience quite powerfully & get chased about the landscape by.

Perhaps it’s better let’s use the term „lower emotional habits“ to get away from judgy religion sin talk. nowadays a lot of therapists like to use labels like "counterproductive" or "unhelpful" to avoid ppl internalizing anything in a judgy way.

Now I love a good cardinal vices gimmick & we could have a nice long interesting talk about how the trope has been taken up in Japanese media & there interacting with the cultural background of buddhism, but I think in this case Ichazo’s desire to fit his list of observed „chief features“ (which he derives from simply sorting ppl by what annoys them the most; it will surprise no one to learn that he was an 8...) trying to fit it into the gimmick created a bit of confusion potential like you always gotta explain that „oh, its meant in the old english or latin sense of the term“.

Plus my inner pedantic art critic is a bit salty that they didn’t think to use Despair (the 8th deadly sin in orthodox christianity) for the 6 to complete the set of slightly confusing terms.

So I’m thinking, let’s get some specificity in here & try to compile what it actually, concretely is based on experience reports, just for specificity’s sake & to perhaps help ppl with their self-observation.

1 – frustration with things not being how they should or could be. Some are actually pretty conscious about how this motivates them to work hard & always do better, but it can also turn to stress & resentment or being aggrieved that reality isnt utopic

2 – that hit of gratification when someone says „Wow, I couldn’t have done it without you.“ Not that unlike with the 3, this isn’t just about good regard in general, but about having special significance to particular ppl. being tempted by the idea of being "indispensable"

3 – ppl report rather strong gratification when they’re admired/ praised, but also that they can be too focussed on what they „should“ be feeling/performing in such a situation that little attention is left over for their actual feelings or preferences.

4 – negative comparison. But not just or not necessarily of the self with others, but also general ‚if only…‘ scenarios, wishing things had gone differently, lamenting past losses, imagining better alternate scenarios, or even just against ones own idea of how one should be.

5 – the kneejerk refusal. That sometimes quite hostile ‚eugh, no!‘ kinda feeling when you’re suddenly talked at, asked to participate in something or even contemplating a task that you „have“ to do. Sometimes there’s a spike of dread, like ‚oh no what will I have to do now?!‘ or ‚It‘s too much, I can’t.‘

6 – that thing where as soon as you get settled on an idea, or encounter the slightest sugestion of another possibility, you immediately go ‚...but what if I‘m mistaken??‘ or ‚...what if it all goes wrong?‘ and the building anxious charge that sometimes comes with it.

7 – It’s a thought pattern where you just *must* have or do this one additional thing & feel like if you did have it then you’d finally be happy – but often you may just start craving the next thing. The LaHue guy has a very evocative video on this where he describes it as almost like the world curving and all paths twisting towards whatever Must Be Had. Implicit here is some anxious assumption that if you didnt get it that would be really bad.

8 – A tendency to amp up the intensity when encountering obstacles or opposition to one’s pursuit of pleasure and goals, be it interpersonal conflict or just „conquerring“ the stains on the floor. The difference to the 7 thing is that the 7 would be content if the nice things just fell in their mouth whereas for the 8 there’s some ‚thrill of the chase‘, anxiety or anger or even pain gets registered as positive excitement, so it has almost a little bit of a self-destructive component. What is being craved is not just gratification, but a sense of triumphing over obstacles.

9 – this is one of the harder ones to grasp, cause it’s less ‚active‘ in a sense. It’s when you’re thinking of doing something for your own development, like going after a goal, stating an opinion, drawing attention etc. and at the first serious obstacle you’re like, ‚ah, screw it, it‘s not really worth it’. Not worth the effort or the ruffled feathers or the discomfort in thinking about it, or whatever it is.

Yeah it’s not being lazy and it’s not „avoiding instrospection“ either – though it might be avoiding thinking about particular things that are to do with your goals, impulses and wishes and have discomfort associated.

What I find really interesting is how some types are built around chasing highs whereas others are rather structured around reacting to something unpleasant.

Note also that for the impulse types its a response to an obstacle to your will, for the feeling types its to do with self-evaluation, and for the mental types there’s a quality of tension to it, of fearing a bad consequence.

Like, for example, the 9 one - Of the common analogies inertia is probably the best, like a little rock rolling back into the valley if it wasnt pushed with enough force to overcome the hill.

The 1 will just stubbornly keep rolling gravity be damned and will argue that the stupid hill shouldn’t be there, the 8 will push the rock extra hard on the second attempt and send it flying…. Seeing the structure yet? Its really cool… even if it a map of what’s ruining our lives.

You can derive the triadic characteristics from this, 9 gives up but also tries to be ok with its current situation, 8 goes boom! But pursues what it wants…

Or with the heart types �� 2 is chasing a feeling of positive self-evaluation (& trying to get it from others), 3 is proactively assuming a particular way of being evaluated that works for the situation, 4 is reacting to a negative self-evaluaton.

My latest attempt to get control of my life consists of mentally labelling the voice that says „No, no, I dont wanna, fuck you“ as my Inner Goblin and as the one that’s like „I can’t! I can’t! It’s too much!“ as the Inner Victorian Maiden in an attempt to maybe take them less seriously or remind myself inerrogate the soundness of their claims. They’re very persuasive sometimes tho, it can feel like a survival threat, this is all pretty deep-rooted automatic shit.

If it was wholly illusory, it would be too easy – sometimes I really don’t wanna or really can’t, so the trick is in distinguishing rather than kneejerk defaulting.

Same goes for the others, probably – enjoying being praised, for example, isn’t always bad. If you got it fairly & didn’t twist yourself into no painful contortions to get it, why shouldn’t you enjoy it?

So there’s the complicatedness.

[straycatboogie]

2023/05/30 English

BGM: The Police - Synchronicity II Today I worked early. I read Yoshio Kataoka's essays again. He tells us that we should learn proper basis of English for learning it. We tend to think that we can learn English "automatically" without any efforts. You shouldn't try anymore, but just get soaked into English then it "naturally" becomes a part of yourself... Kataoka, however, says it's wrong. He says that languages "artificially" become a part of ourselves. In other words, languages become like that by the efforts we make day by day steadily. I agree with him. As I write this, I believe that we shouldn't rely on our talents to learn English. We just have to learn step by step. For example, memorizing words and making sentences actually. They would bring us a certain progress. At least, I am doing those things to improve my English... Even though I have learned English literature at a university, I still make mistakes in English. So this wouldn't move your mind. By the way, I am really living a selfish life. I am never trying to become a chief or a big boss. I don't work so hard to become a good business person. I am living as a stray cat and looking for my favorite or interested things. Partly I live as an employee who works for my company to get money, and partly I am digging my own interest and walking my way. It might be unserious from other people's eyes. Egoistic? But I want to say that kind of lifestyle must be accepted from the spirit of diversity. Since I was a kid, I couldn't join any groups my classmates made. I just liked looking for what I liked. It's the same even now. Learning English and enjoying communication. From them, learning a lot and facing various people's several opinions. That's my life, my way. It might be lucky that I could have found that "my way". Now, even though I am not completely stress-free, I am living really freely. A person who I had met on clubhouse recommended me to join in her online salon via Facebook. It will be held tomorrow. It's the one about English and seems really an international one with foreign members. English always helps me like that... Recently I started joining various groups on clubhouse and trying to make practice of speaking and listening. Sharing funny stories, and also learning the global news. Not trying to become a comedian and share "super cool" topic. You should be yourself and that's enough. Don't apologize your "poor" English. Me, my English is terrible. It's really Japanese broken one... In addition to that online salon, I'm going to attend the English conversation class from next month. I can feel that I am enjoying various activities about English. I should use reminder function of my smartphone for not to forget them. I repeat this again and again... I have never studied abroad. Even though I was a college student, I wrote my papers in Japanese. And also, it is really recent that I started learning English seriously like now. Since then, I just had disappointed about my life. I had been soaked into alcohol losing any hope in my life... But I met my teacher, and she told me that there is the English conversation class Shiso International Association holds. Indeed, I worried to go there because my English is really "too Japanese", but I decided to go there. After that, I got various connections from that... that told me that you can begin your life from anywhere. You can begin yours from any stage. Now, through learning English, I have been enjoying communications and connections. I am going to entering my 50s and 60s. I'm certainly getting old. I see my face on mirrors. It tells me my face gets aged bit by bit. But, I feel that I am getting younger than the past days. I am far from any "mature" people who have peace of mind.

[nightmarist]

My coworker is really cool and chill. He loves history, and usually history ppl make me nervous bc it’s like a decent 40/60 chance they’re just weirdly into wwii and hitler (on the 40 not the 60) but thankfully he loves so much international history, we’ve been exchanging cool cultural concepts at work, he’s really into battle and war but again thankfully not in a red flag way, more like it’s effects on economic and cultural reforms, overall technological advancements, and their large scale effects cross culturally.

We talked a lot about colonization and Christian domination, indigenous cultures, and it’s like a good match for us to chat while working, he knows a lot about Arabic, Chinese, Egyptian history and I’m more American indigenous (North, Meso, snd South), Scandinavian and bits of general European and Japanese, so we’re both learning a lot from each other! I’d love to get more jnto Arabic history and North African sometime.

Recently while we were more privately away from other coworkers he asked me “are you a pronouns guy?”

Naturally nervous since I’ve been stealth since I started I asked “what do you mean?”

He just said “if I asked your pronouns would you answer me?” In a way that didn’t imply hostility. It was a nicely worded caution I think. I said “oh, sure, he/him.”

He just said “ok cool. Sucks we have to like, say it far away from everyone.”

I don’t know if I’m clocked but I appreciated his caution. Not gunna like get too into gender talk with him. I’ve broached some subject of like, cultural gender since he knows I’m an Anth graduate, and he seemed genuinely interested in the subject.

Neat!

[scatteringharvey]

This is some of me…

At a young and early age, I was insanely obsessed with Japanese Domestic Manufactured cars (JDM’s) and playing music. I started to play music when I was 3, it was the piano that I was starting with at first. Over time, I got real bored playing those keys so I asked my parents to get me drum lessons which they responded, “Sure!”.

It was when I was 6 that all the loud bangs in the house is happening. The drums definitely drove everyone crazy although I bet they will say it is all worth it. At around 11 years old, I wanted to stop the drumming lessons so that my parents could save money and I felt like I was good enough to learn by myself with the help of YouTube videos. It turned out to be great.

At the age of 12, I moved to Phuket from Bangkok since the covid in Bangkok was spreading real mad. Also my dad works in Phuket so why not just live together.

Now I still find myself in Phuket. I’m going to an international school which I think is much better than the one that I went to in Bangkok. My plan for the future would probably be to live somewhere in Europe to seek higher education and also to peruse my music career. If this all does not work, I have a plan B to take over at any time.

[ja0-s-blank-canvas-fic]

Part 3 - Chapter 22 - Training Camp: Blow Off Steam

Blank Canvas Part 3

AO3 - here

Fanfiction.net - here

Hhhaaaaaaaappppppyyyy Tuesday!! :D We've finally arrived at the training camp arc! Got more fluff for ya with a dose of Aizawa hell training mixed in.

Got a number of pov changes this chapter as a heads up.

Oh also a slight warning that there are some more-than-innocent thoughts from both Izuku and Shouto this chapter. Not sure if that's something people are sensitive too but I thought I would point them out just in case. First is the paragraph starting with [Though he would reluctantly admit...] but the next is fine. The second is from [Except there was one problem...] continuing through to before [Izuku turned his gaze...] Definitely not past kissing but not exactly vanilla either.

Linktree to all the things!    

End notes for the chapter are under the line.

Hoped you liked the pool shenanigans! No Mineta so no pervy reasons for them to sneakily spy on the girls. And they came up with the idea in the first place to it worked out well! Just a bunch of kids being kids and having fun.

Got a little interaction between Bakugou and Izuku but not much. I know people are wanting a Katsuki pov and it is coming up but not just yet. We got a little glimpse into his thoughts when the Bakugous were informed about Inko getting attack though. If anyone caught that... :P

Of course, I couldn't stop myself from adding a little Dad For One drama. ;) It entertains me so much.

The training camp has finally begun! Rough start but they made it through. And we've met Kouta! :D I'm excited for when we get to their little chat up at his hideout.

Fun Facts About Japan:

This one goes along with the obligatory anime bath scene! It's time to talk about onsen ( 温泉 , おんせん ). This is a big part of Japan's culture and they have onsen everywhere. Approximately 3,000 establishments using the natural hot springs through out the country. They can be either indoor or outdoor but outdoor is more traditional. There are even specific classifications for onsen as determined in the Japanese Hot Spring Act ( 温泉法 , おんせんほう ) which I didn't know about until I looked this up. XD Oh Japan, you amuse me so much.

Anyway, much like on trains and their thing about shoes, they also have a social etiquette for onsen. Washing yourself before you go in and no clothes except for a towel among others. Here are some resources for you to read if you want to learn more about that and onsen in general.

I have gone to an onsen while in Japan. In my first year, we were invited on a trick with the Yachiyo International Association (YIA for short). It turned out to be more of a work trip because they wanted to practice English with us but it was still fun. We were given the suite that had the best view of Mt. Fuji or as they call it Fuji-san ( 富士山 , ふじさん ). It's not using the actual honorific but I still think it's cute. ^____^ Anywho, all us girls had a 'when in Rome' moment and enjoyed the onsen together. A little awkward by American standards but still a fun time.

Oh and if you're interested, here's a post with some pictures from my trip to Fuji-san! :D

That's all for now! The training camp will be in full swing starting next chapter. Oh and Izuku will get to work with someone he hasn't had a chance in a while! You'll see who. ^____^ Hope you liked the chapter!

Oh and, um, I just yesterday accepted a full time position at my work. So I'll have to see how that affects the update schedule/writing time. Because while I love being consistent and more on the often side, life does come first. We'll just see how that goes moving forward. Thankfully I am one who likes to have a buffer of chapters and have been consistently adding to them when I can or the mood strikes. Anyway, only time will tell!

[mynihongolessons]

A former student of mine sent me a screenshot of a video where I am interviewed. This was a fun day. I think this was my second year teaching Japanese at KCAI. So much has changed for me since that day. The way I taught language then was rooted in the traditional ways I had been taught. Now I use the communicative language method and I believe it works much better for my students. My daughters were just babies at that time And now they are young women about to graduate from high school. My husband has since retired from the military and started a few rather amazing projects lately. I think it is important to always be growing and changing, refining and redefining yourself and your goals and your purpose in life. Currently I’m still teaching Japanese at KCAI, and I’m about to start another project with a group in Texas. I have decided I will master shodo (Japanese brush calligraphy). Not for any fame or prestige but for my own well-being and sense of accomplishment. I have always wanted to earn my doctorate degree but I’m torn between international education and my other passion which is lifelong learning (adult education). I truly love helping others overcome educational trauma or personal restrictions they have towards learning in adulthood. Learning should be enjoyable. For me, the day we stop learning or wanting to learn something, is a day that we die inside. I hope to always be striving to learn something new. 〜〜〜〜〜 #calligraphy #japanesecalligraphy #calligraphyart #kanji #Shodo #Shodolesson #bigbrushshodo #smallbrushshodo #kuretakefudepen #pentelbrushpen #handwriting #書道 #書道レッスン #漢字 #字 #習字　#大筆 #小筆　#kuretake筆ペン #ペンてる筆 #ReflectiveLearning #飛麗史 #lifelonglearning (at Blue Springs, Missouri) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmWsBrHuXtI/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[tsubasabasahazard]

Pretending tumblr is therapy

[tw: anxiety, depression, don’t read unless you wanna hear abt my boring life] 

okay so I’m having an anxiety attack right now, but I don’t have a therapist or friends to talk to (abt this particular issue) so I’m gonna unload here, specially cause I need to get better asap and go back to studying. 

you see, I don’t know if I told you but I started an internship two months ago, on a factory that makes bike parts, as a translator, japanese translator, so yeah I work translating documents and translating convo for some people between japanese and brazilians. at first I was excited and afraid, but more excited, after all I loved the opportunity to learn more while also making some money. two months passed. 

after the first month and first salary I wasn’t that happy already, and I was already thinking that 6months would be more than enough (they could hire me for at least 2years and 6months is the minimum) and was already counting the days. after talking to a few classmates who also worked as interns (not translation) in factories they said my company was one of the worsts, the pay was really low and the work was too much. and I was still like, okay I can take it, let’s just get through 6months and then I’m out. 

but anxiety got waaay worse on the second month, I woke up and went to sleep extremely anxious, sleep was already bad and it got worse, I always felt tired af even after sleeping for at least 6hours, btw my schedule was: waking up at 6-6h30, go get the bus at 8h45 (i take my time having breakfast thnx to adhd) get to work at 9h15, have 1h break from 11h30 to 12h30, then 15min break from 15h30 to 15h45, get out at 16h45, get to college at 17h30, get to class at 18h, get home by 22h45 or 21h45, go to sleep around midnight or later. I even got sick in the second week. oh well, back to second month. 

I was already overwhelmed with internship, college and living alone with my friend, when my dad decided to stop by for two days, he lives in another town, whenever he comes here I get even more anxious, it’s a family thing. he went to see my sisters in another state, came back a week later after fighting with them and only told me 6hrs before he got here and I had to pick him up at the airport at 1am. two days more of pure anxiety. 

the month was ending and I have tests and seminars now that december started. I haven’t been able to study for a single day even on weekends since college started bcs I’m always too tired from work. I also started having classes on some saturdays, on other staurdays i had work bcs we needed to pay for the days we would stay home thanx to soccer (this is brazil after all 8-D). so yeah, sundays turned to pure hell, free days in the middle of the week only made it all worse to my biological fucked up clock. 

I stayed home on the last day of november after taking my dad to his boat home. then I overslept the next day and said I had some personal business to take care. and damn I like this day. I could sleep a bit more, I got up and did some studying, then I went to college early and studied there too, until I met my friends for dinner. then we had class. oh yeah, class, specially this one, Japanese II, I started hating it in the first month of internship. it used to be my favorite class. I couldn’t stand it on this day, even tho my spirits were just fine. and this is why I’m writing this today. 

I have a test in 8 days, japanese II, it’s usually a very long test and I really need to study kanji cause I suck at it. I sat down today (after hours of procrastinating) and after writing down half of the kanji i need to study, I started having anxiety, very hard anxiety, I started shaking and my hands and feet got cold, at every stroke or every read I would hate it more, I hated every second of studying for half an hour. 

Now let me resume how I feel abt studying japanese. I love it (or loved). I started when I was 14 and loved it ever since, I got depression and after trying to get back to college I realized the only thing that could keep me there would be to study smth I Loved. and damn was I right. I simply LOVED my first two semesters, was super excited for the 3rd one, no matter how hard it got, it was FUN. 

I hate it now. I feel like it’s killing me. I feel depression creeping in closer every day. and god that is one of the scariest feelings I’ve ever felt. no my depression is not cured or being treated. I don’t have the money, even with the internship. but it was under control just fine for two semesters. now it’s loose and looking for me like a hungry wolf.

So anyway, I tried talking to people about this. but you see, I’m the happy go duck type of person. nobody takes me fucking serious unless I start crying and shaking and shit. it’s always been like this. but there’s another problem. I don’t cry that easily. not for me. I’m a total crybaby when it comes to fiction, gurl I start crying just from listening to love like you thinking abt TGCF. but crying in front of people? that’s a weakness I was not allowed to have, and I locked it up deep inside. imo it’s almost a talent at this point, how much I can hold back tears no matter how bad I feel, no matter how scared I am of my own thoughts of hurting myself. 

It hit me yesterday that no one is going to be on my side, when my oldest bff told me I was being a crybaby for wanting to quit the internship, “money is money”, then I explained to her how bad it was and she just said “hmnm”. my bff who lives with me? said she’ll beat me up if I leave it, we need the money, life has been to hard to give up on this money. my dad? he said “do what you think best, we will do smth abt it (money)” (in a tone of “we have no money, you should just hang in there”). 

and well, I guess I’ve been too privileged my whole life, people just don’t think I’m having a hard time no matter how much I say I’m having a hard time, it’s like everyone looks at me and goes “it’s hard for you bcs you’ve never known true hardship”. and I know that’s bullshit, I know hardship is not something to be compared. I also know I’m privileged as fuck! so what is the truth? who’s right? what am I supposed to do? like SHINee says, TELL ME WHAT TO DO. 

you know what’s worst? this internship is the first time my course got an opportunity to work with industries, it could open doors to all my peers and my cute juniors, also the lead teacher said “you have a huge responsibility in your back, don’t fuck it up”. so yeah, no pressure lol. 

if you read this until here you can comment smth or just move on, I don’t really care. you can’t say stuff like “ask for help” tho, I already did several times during my years of depression, no one could do shit for me, I know what the people around me can do for me, none of it will help me right now.