#so I just sat down in my bed
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most epicest battle ever (real)
colouring sheet + sketch
#superthings#superzings#art#fanart#digital art#been struggling with drawing things I like recently#and I realised it was because usually I kind of dissociate while drawing#and I haven't been doing that for a little while and it was making me think to much about what I was doing#so I just sat down in my bed#slapped on angel with a shotgun by the cab (not nightcore)#and drew for about four straight hours.#this was what I ended up with#and I actually really like it.#I think another thing that helped me through it was thinking of it as composition practice#if I don't think of it as a serious piece#I can draw way easier :)#kid fury was fine btw
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from my oneshot, note-taking 🫶🫶🫶
#ok I actually had a lot of fun scribbling this up🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#(I have the flu so I just sat in bed today and drew a lot bc I was bored)#kind of stressful time but by next week hopefully things have calmed down♥️#I hope you can read my handwriting😆😆 & thst this makes sense…#I tried to make it so that it’s understandable even if you haven’t read the oneshot yet but I genuinely don’t know#anyways it’s super short oneshot unlike clumsy so…#is this good formatting?!?#when I started drawinf this up I realized I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO IT !!!!!!#I’m obsessed with this brat mc SO MUCH !!!! 😇#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart#sebastian sallow x mc#hogwarts legacy fic#hogwarts legacy fanfic#anne sallow
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--Really, Doctor?
#star trek#star trek fanart#spones#spones fanart#mcspirk if you squint#bones x spock#star trek tos#star trek the original series#bread and circuses#bones mccoy#spock#leonard mccoy#leonard bones mccoy#this scene gets quoted a lot as proof for spirk#which is all well and good! but i have also seen it quoted against spones (bones particularly.) and i am a bit tired of that admittedly#i do have my grievances but i shan't say. if you squint they're there in my art of course but oh mcspirk my mcspirk save me#almost captioned this with an italicized 'oh' but that should tell you all you need to know about my thought process for this lmaoo#the thing with drawing things with a meaning in mind is that i face the inconvenient side effect of thinking that explaining myself will be#--thoroughly embarrassing. i am working on it. but also having to explain my metaphors (which i should! but. alas)...#embarrassing. i do not know why this is embarrassing but i feel it acutely#and as such i may simply have to write a fic about it 🫠#ok things to note just so i remember: spock's expression. the light. the oh moment. the hands#and of course intimacy. i enjoy my soft old men and they will be married eventually#anyways i sat down to do work and drew this instead lmao ill deal with my lab prep before bed (if i don't end up starting my sixth wip in--#five days 💀💀💀 hlep#dust medibang paints#trek fave
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friends tell me lore about a tattoo of yours
#my 3rd tattoo was a very very big one#like from my armpit to my upper thigh big#it was meant to be done over 2-3 sessions bc it also has lots of shading#we did it in 1 over the course of ~10 hours#because i ‘sat like a champ’#which is code for 'dissociated while lying down for the entire time'#the artist is the (now) husband of a friend of mine and he says they still talk about me (ten years later) at the shop lol#no numbing cream two small breaks looking bored the entire time#i still pride myself in it and wish i’d still have the same pain tolerance like i did back then man#best i can do now is 2h before i get whiny#anyway. it’s a giant jellyfish with no deeper meaning i just thought it looked sick af (still does)#another one is on my thigh were i let someone practice on me bc i had a crush on this person back then#halfway through i was like ‘you’re kinda really bad at this’#so they were like ‘you do it better then’ so i ended up finishing it myself lol (i dare to say i did a better job)#i bought a tattoo machine and ink and needles and stuff after this#sitting in a box under my bed still#moots be honest would you let me tattoo you yes or no#i’m really gentle i swear#anyway. gimme tattoo lore bc i need some distraction omwh#-`♡´- tulip mail
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daemon is the most relatable character the entire targaryen dynasty not bc i want to fuck my niece or bc im a war criminal but bc i also have dreams that would put any other person on a suicide watchlist
#except that i dont need to sleep in harrenhal or on a Weirwood bed to get them✨😌 still ppl r so weird abt it tho like#the entire targ dynasty is just incest between aunts nephews uncles nieces cousins and siblings. like u kinda knew what u were getting into#when u sat down to watch the show. why act shocked when the circus has clowns#daemon targaryen#hotd#house of the dragon#anyways. my take is that dreams r scary and make the dream u do things u wouldnt do#like idk ill watch the ep later but im like. pretty damn certain that daemon didnt actually want to fuck his mum#its the same thing w intrusive thoughts too. like i dreamt abt being hunted for sport by someone who wanted to SA me that didnt mean that#i would be SA'd irl nor that i would've wanted to be#i will say tho daemon's dream shots r some of my favorite ones in this season. the director was cooking#esp the shots of young rhaenyra and laena in the last ep#hotd s2#hotd s2 spoilers
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Visiting my friend’s college tomorrow which is fine except for the fact that he’s THE childhood best friend who agreed to marry me if we’re both single at 30 and when he came to visit me during my first year at college, he kissed my forehead and then we both never addressed it since but now we’re gonna be in the same exact environment again 🫠
#the one bed trope keeps finding me irl#I’m excited to see him though#he told me today that he was feeling down so I immediately booked a flight for tomorrow morning#I feel crazy#my suitcase has sat empty for two hours cause I don’t even know where to start on packing#not to mention it’s just a one way ticket#I don’t even know how long I’ll be out there#aghhhhhh#isa-rambles
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one thing i love abt the world is that it has cats in it!!!!!! 🐈
#i had two cat encounters today#on my way to school walking thru this residential area i just looked down#but suddenly felt like looking up and locked eyes with a cat that was in the middle of liking their paw#they sat on some steps infront of a house ^-^#they were so so cute and they looked at me and then meowed so i said hiiii ^-^#then on my way home i stopped by the grocery store#and i heard a screech. that way cats sound when theyfight#i saw one of the orange cat twins that live here and i see often#they were behind and further down a stone wall#i just wanted to see if they were ok so i said hi while looking at them#then they looked back at me and jumped onto the wall#and buffed me and demanded pets#so so adorable!!!!!!!#then ofc when i came home and my cat ran into my bedroom to sleep on my bed i looked at her bc shes so cute#and she looked at me and meowed bc she wanted pets as well haha#anyways cats make me so happy#and i was reminded today that i am so so thankful that cats exist in this universe and make the world a little brighter#💬
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#spot says stuff#rw#oc tag#-shows up two hours after my schedule time- sup guys i went to zoo today n i talked SOOO much shit to the birds it was Neat#ostrich guy first hissed at us n then he sat down n started yawnin up a storm so we sat on the curb n chilled with him for a twenty#those things are so fuckin big i was intimidated yet still smth deep within me needled me to try n jump his neck#oh the slavic need to throw hands with birds...#like... 5 or 6 hours outside im fuckin slain....... anyway fun thing a bird ask came into my inbox just now ill get to ya prolly tmr#imma go to bed i think im so tired
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having a desi roommate means being in constant awe of the places one finds long dark hairs that obviously don't belong to me (as my hair is short and brunette), like in the storage bin by my bed where i keep first aid things
#to be clear i am not mad (not in the least)#i adore my roommate#it's just always funny to see how far and wide things migrate in our apartment#never where you expect to find them#and she has to deal with the constant tumbleweeds of cat hair that end up in every corner so it's like... fair play#i sat down on my bed to put a bandaid on my toe and there was a hair wrapped around the bandaid wrapper
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Listening to The Amelia Project in 2017: Oh haha what a fun take on an office comedy! A death faking business, this is hilarious!
Listening to the Amelia Project in 2023: Death is inescapable, we will always leave behind those we love and be left behind, we do the best with the time we have and it is never enough, our stories will always outlive us so long as there is someone to tell them after we cannot
#I’m fuckin#I just#and it was a GRADUAL transition!#it wasn’t a fun sitcom with a hard transition into heartbreaking drama it naturally evolved!#don’t get me wrong it’s still very funny!!#but in a very bittersweet way#I’ve been describing season 5 as the hospice season#I feel like a CNA at a hospice home care listening to one of my patients tell me all their stories#and it’s great because have you ever really sat down with someone who KNOWS they’re dying and they tell you their whole life?#from the most traumatic experiences imaginable to the happiest days of their lives??#what the FUCK Amelia Project how did you get that so right??#how did you capture that unique feeling that privileged moment of listening to someone’s story while they’re on their death bed?#IN ONE SHOW???#im gonna cry#the amelia project
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Fffffrustrated with myseeeeeelf AGH I'm just really tired of disappointing myself constantly and never being able to get (enough) work done even when I have all the time in the world
and it makes me legitimately so worried that I'll never be able to accomplish anything because I'm running on an engine that can only go for a few seconds before stalling out and refusing to restart. just a broken down shell of a human man stuck in amateur limbo forever and ever
#monster noises#I know it's a bit early in the evening for this kind of post but today's been rough#I couldn't get myself to sit down and start working until 4pm#and as soon as I sat down i knew it was going to be a struggle#that I just wasn't in the mood for what I wanted to work on and I had no ideas#and if I had fucking started earlier in the day maybe I could have taken the time to find something that would get me in the mood#or been able to pivot to other things instead#but because it's f o u r I'm going to be having dinner soon#and I don't like working after dinner if I can help it#and I'm trying not to go to bed as late as I have been#so I just packed it in and put everything away for the day after about an hour#and after the success of yesterday that defeat feels like Such a huge bummer#but even the success of yesterday is tempered with like#I've been off for nearly five weeks now and I both only started and finished The Thing I was going to work on while on break#now??#and considering it only took me a couple days I should have been able to do this like.. week 2 or 3!#or at least I should have started it then!#but so So many of these days have been me just fucking around doing nothing#and not even relaxing I've been stressed this whole fucking time#and I kn o w I know this isn't a six week vacation#I'm recovering from surgery so I couldn't have expected myself to have full energy the whole time#or for the experience to be like some kind of writers retreat#but it's still frustrating!#because it's the exact same song and dance everytime I get space to be free of my day job and just do Art#I flounder it!#I flounder it over and over and over#and it's really hard not to just sink and suffocate in the feeling that I'll never get better and I'll never be able to accomplish anything#because I'm fucking Like This#it feels Embarrassing#it feels Pathetic
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#tw vent#I am so. so tired#this week hit me like a freight train#I have final coursework to hand in in less than a week and I'm stressing because I was most definitely not given enough time to do it#and everything inside me is telling me I'm going to fail and I'm pretty sure my teachers think so as well#all my friends are high achievers who always get high grades and put their soul into their work and then there's me. Constantly failing#I try so hard but no matter what I do I never make any progress and I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck here#and that eventually my friends will move on academically and maybe socially and I'll be left behind and feel like a scared kid again#I can't go outside for a walk to try and calm myself down because I fucked up my ankle#so I'm sat here in my room surrounded by work I can't seem to even escape for a second#I just wanna explode#I'm getting to the point where I'm just being unproductive because all I do is sit in bed and rot#and if I'm not doing that I'm at work or at school#and of course I can't even sleep. I can't even rest for a moment#this is shit man#so utterly shit#mel's thoughts
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I'm sure I'm completely going nuts and right to believe that this thing doesn't have a name but if it does and I would very much like to know if it does or not before I write about it in case it does have an actual name before I make something up!!
What is this!!! Real thing that I just can't find no matter how much I search? Not real thing made up by the designers cause it looks cool?
I have stared at this thing for so long, I'm convinced I've seen something similar elsewhere but I have no actual clue if my mind is making that shit up!
I think I'm just going nuts but whatever, thought I might as well ask here because I could find nothing when I searched, IT'S PROBABLY JUST A DESIGN THING BUT I WANT TO BE SURE IT'S EATING AT ME
#runeterrablr#I mean i know what it looks like but its not that#i searched for so long the last time I sat down to write that i went to bed cause that was taking too long#you dont even have to actually know just give your opinion if that shit looks like its real or not and if you think it has a name#I LOVE OVERTHINKING ITS SO AWFUL#we are not going to talk about how im not tagging the main tags#and yes I do stare at Viktor's old model I MISS HIM MY GUY WAS OBLITERATED
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PERSIMMON JUST WALKED OVER AND SAT IN MY LAP AWESSOGSOAGAI
#SHE HASNT RLLY DONE THAT BEICRE USUALLY SHES LIKE SLEEPY SO I PUT HER IN MY LAP BECAUSE IM WARM AND SHE STAYS#BUT THIS TIME SHE JUST JUMPED ON MY BED SND SAT DOWN LIKE ASDHDIAGSKDHD
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wowowow.... im the luckiest person alive rn
#we went out to a show friday night and it just felt so natural being out with him#and then we housed some chinese food together and watched an episode of next gen#and then we were up in his room fooling around before bed and we were both soooo tired#like drifting in and out of consciousness#and hes sitting over me about to lean down and kiss me but i cupped his face in my hands and we just sat like that for a while#and i know i was not hiding the emotion on my face bc i saw his face change immediately#and he asked me what i was thinking and i said something to the effect of 'im just looking at you and thinking oh wow'#and he said 'i dont think thats the word youre thinking of' and i told him he was right#and i wish i could remember more of the conversation. but its also kind of cool that the whole thing was like a dream#but eventually we both just said we loved each other#its just crazy how natural its been. how easy it is#and then i went over again last night because neither of us was going out and i just sat and read while he worked on his pedalboard#and i was in my stupid catdog pajamas. and then we ate pasta and watched music videos in bed and brushed our teeth together#and it was just so. comfortable and playful and casual and normal#just sharing a space without any expectation
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today i'm going home so i can get my flu shot and vote with my family... hopefully both go well
#melonposting#the last time i went home was for my covid booster and to spend rosh hashanah with my family#...neither really went well honestly haha#i won't go into detail on the family stuff#but i half-fainted half-dissociated after getting the covid booster#i had gone to the cvs with my dad and i was already feeling bad cuz of the family stuff#and then we got there and i got the shot. eeeugh terrible#i sat down in one of the chairs nearby to rest a moment#like i am after any vaccination i was nonverbal and mentally disturbed#my dad tried to give me water but i didn't move to take it#after a bit he said we should head home sooner rather than later so i could rest#then i suddenly got up and walked in a random direction without him for some reason#i bumped into a shelf and fell over#weirdly i had no emotional reaction to it at the time#i just felt pain in my face where i hit the shelf and could hear voices asking if i was okay#then i got up and my dad took my hand and led me out of the cvs#he asked me why i'd gone off by myself. of course i wasn't in a position to answer verbally anyway but i genuinely didn't know#my memory of the event was fuzzy immediately after it happened...#so we went home and i went upstairs to my parents' room so i could have time alone to rest#needless to say i cried :') i was uncomfortable and in pain and confused and distressed#i recovered over the next few days at home for rosh hashanah but i felt weird the entire time#physically... feeling feverish and woozy...#and also mentally... staying cooped up on the couch in the living room for hours#playing with blocks... in a strange childish and detached sort of mood...#like i was a terminally ill child in a hospital bed#it was very strange#i'd been well aware at that point that i react badly to covid boosters but this whole experience was just bizarre#i'm able to cope with flu shots better. they're still disturbing but my physical/mental reaction is less severe
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