#so I am gonna sing all the anniversary related songs >:3

[mitamicah]

Meow there and very happy 13 weeks anniversary 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 tomorrow it will be three months wow 👀👀👀

Thank you Jay 🥳🥳

Yesssss 3 months tomorrow :D!!! it's so freaking wild OVO

[mysleepdeprivedass]

Another ML fanfiction idea

And here we go for another prompt fic idea that I got while reading a fanfiction on AO3. I want to write this idea but I’m too lazy for writing a whole fanfiction.

And just want to keep in my head but it was driving me crazy sooo let's go.

Btw I inspired by the fanfiction MDR by Yilena  (on AO3) (@xiueryn on tumblr)  (also I haven’t finish the fanfiction yet but I need to let go the idea of my head)  

(let's go for translate everything a wrote again T^T and I just saw how long a wrote, the translation it's gonna be looong x.X also idk some term are correctly translate sorry if it's not)

Also warning, i’m going to talk briefly about eating disorder, bullying and suicide so skip the part in italic if the idea or the word can triggered you.

Have a nice reading on my 2.am writing idea. \0/ 

AU steamer / youtuber Marinette

Marinette begging steaming around her fifteen, and she become quickly know for her skills for some game

Marinette have now like 19 yrs old, almost 20.

She plays a lot of different games.

At first (when she was 15 ) she wasn't doing face cam steaming. After a years and a half, she start face cam but disguise. Her disguise is, a clothes always in polka dots red and black, and she have a mask which hide almost all her face and she wear a red wig (she have different wig, pixie cut, big curly, straits, ect,... But they're all red)

On twitch she is know as Ladybug, and she have a YouTube channel where she post all her rediffusion of her twitch live.

Marinette have a big community verry supportive and nice. She's the kinda of girl that going to play with her fan during live if she met them on the game.

She doing some explained and tip live on game that she's really good at or that she's love.

Her favorite game are Ultimate Mecha Strike saga. And a new independent MMORPG game call " The Tale of Miraculous" a kinda fantasy/fantastic game, that's become more and more difficult when your reach a levels.

Also it's a no-miraculous idea

At first, when she started live’s, qhe was doing a lot, like every night she was doing a live which ended around 4 or 5am. But after a big meltdown on live (she was around 17 years olds) she make a calender, which sometine change depending on he mood.

Monday Night : Games of her choice, most of the time she play at TTOM (The Tale Of Miraculous) or fighting games. From 8 p.m. to 1 a.m. or 2 a.m.

Wednesday Night : if she started a let’s play, she is doing the let’s plays, if she not she’s doing two or three games, most of the time horror games or strategy games. From 8p.m to midnight or 1 a.m.

Calender most of the time : 

Friday Night : chill night, she talk or debates with viewers while playing at Minecraft or she opening fan mail or for some occasion she is cooking. From 8p.m to random but between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m.

Sunday Night : Let’s plays or games selected by the community. From 8p.m to Midnight.

 Marinette has become very hermits and go out just a few time. She works at her parents bakery and has her own shop (known as Ladybug) her community know that she makes homemade clothes and she has a lot of customers from her community but also from famous people. 

Every other week she doing a live between 9 p.m. and 12 a.m. in addition, where she plays indie games or flash games or during fashion week (or any fashion show) she like to do reviews about it and commentary.

Marinette finished school at home because of harassment, she had ended up making several suicide attempts, and had a severe eating disorder and was anorexic 

She suffered bullying very early, already in elementary school, and it got worse in middle school where the physical attack was violent. She got kicks, push down the stair, she got a lot a fractures, spit on, etc,..

After a big lynching after school, she try to kill herself, she got hospitalized and her parents finnaly knew about what she suffered. After that she become homeschooled.

A lot of cosplayers ask for commisions.

Chloé had started insults her in primary school but had stop everything before middle school except that others took over, like Lila.

Chloe apologized to Marinette after her suicide attempt. Even though Marinette and Chloe are not best friends, the two get along. Chloé always feels it's her fault that things got there

During her convalescence it’s when that she became Ladybug but was not in face cam.

She started streaming after being released from the hospital

She had a general ES bac (it’s a degree in french school, if you want i can explain french school in a other post... because I’m french ._.) and she studied fashion by correspondence.

For the 3 years anniversary of her twitch channel, she explain her firt years as the stramers, he past, and explain that twitch literaly save her live.

She self-harm for a long time (betwenn 11 and 16 years old)

She still have drugs and antidepressant, and she is follow by a doctor for her eating disorder.

During her depression, she developed agoraphobia, she doesn’t go to convention where she’s invited because of that, also because she wants to avoid overloading Tikki.

Fu is her psychologist.

Tikki is her service dog because she have anxiety attacks and panic attacks and she can hurt them during those.

Tikki is a Labrador, viewers sometine see her during live (try to climb on Marinette lap’s)  or hear her bark (very rare but can alway happen) 

Marinette loved roasted the clothing collections and clothing choices in video games. She also loves talking about RuPaul Drag Race.

She’s  openly bisexual and gender fluid,

She lives in a small apartment not far from her parents to be able to stream quietly.(And without disturb her parents)

Viewers know other room of her apartment. She stream on green screen, but when she live and do open fan mail she is in front of a wall with drawings and gifts from fans that she received. They also know her kitchen but she rarely on the kitchen. 

She don’t do much live on the Kitchen but she doing some videos edited on cook video for explain some bases and some recepis. It is to teach the beginner how to cook or the person who is on a tight budget.

Her first cooking live become a meme. She fall several times, managed to stick an egg to the ceiling (god know how), set fire to heroven, and spilled milk and flour all over her floor.

In her live chill, call “let's talk little, let's talk well” in her playlist of rebroadcast on her youtube channel, she brings people on discord to give their opinion on the subject or their experience. She has with subjects from religion, the LGBTQ community, mental illness, to motor disease, to lighter subjects like which animal people find the cutest or whether or not she should go and throw eggs at her neighbor that she hates or she talks about the series or TV show she watches.

Marinette only go out, for work, appointment or hang out with Luka, Juleka and Rose, all are her childhood best friends.And all know that’s she is Ladybug.

Marinette is known for screaming when she plays horror games and there's quite a lot of compilation of her falling off her chair or screaming, often accompanied by Tikki who jumps on her knees think of a panic attack and suddenly she falls off her chair because of Tikki.

*scene*

Marinette after a litlle jump scar : 

“ son of bi-”  * Tikki jump on her laps*

Luka is also a stramer mostly music related, but he some night doing game stream. He also have a youtube channel dedicate to music. He is call The Viperion Silencio.

 “what the fu- !”  *fall off her chair with Tikki on her, Tikki laying on her*

Luka and Marinette dated for a year and a half before realizing that they were better as friends that as couple. Their get along even better after they break.

Hours : 

Tuesday night: 8:30 p.m. to midnight, play video games

Friday evening: 8:30 p.m. to 1 a.m., review and play with Marinette at Minecraft

On twitch he sing or do some music reviews that viewers recommend. And if not play

He always showed his faces.

On youtube he does covers, original songs, has critical videos. All the videos are directed by him and edited by Juleka, him or Rose.

He also have odd jobs 

Saturday: 8 p.m. to 2:30 a.m., sing, some reviews and a the end he play video games

Nino, Alya and Adrien, are TTOM players, and Adrien is a huge Ladybug fan along with Alya.

He has always been close to Marinette and helped a lot especially for her eating disorder. It helps her eat and regain a healthy relationship with her body and food.

Nino and Alya hang out in each other's apartment in turn

Nino is not a big fan of Ladybug but likes to watch her lives sometine.

Nino and Alya live close to each other and are dating

On the other hand, he's a huge fan of what Luka does.

 Nino meets Adrien on a dating site, he made a account for joking (before he dated Alya) and the two got really well, and they started exchange discord, and phone number, playing together, and they already saw each other.

Sometine, Alya and Nino go to Paris and sometime Adrien go to Bordeaux.

Nino and Aly live in Bordeaux.

Alya joined them and the three are very close and have already met in Paris.

 Nino, Alya and Adrien are 20 years old, soon 21.

Inside joke between Adrien and Nino, on the fact that Nino “cheats” on Alya with Adrien or vice versa.

Too many “bro” between Adrien and Nino, and too many bro joke

Like, I imagined, Alya hant out  at Nino place, the three playing at TTOM.

Nino die

Adrien it’s like “Noo bro, you’re my whole world bro, you can’t live me broo”

Nino is like “ Broo I hace to leave, Bro my end is close, I love you soo much broo, live my life broo”

And Alya his laying on her stomach on Nino bed, head buried in Nino sheets and she growls and insults both them and call them "drama queen"

Alya is a huge sore loser and a salty loser.

In the evening and especially when he is tired Nino is a big game trollers.

Alya is a Ladybug Twitch Admins, she was one of the first on Marinette's channel and she quickly was in her Discord. She chats a lot with her on Discord. And she helps Marinette to make special videos where there is real editing. Other admins do it too.

Adrien, Nino meets Marinette thanks to TTOM because Marinette has created a beginner party where no one knows her, she becomes friends with Nino (whom she quickly destroy) and TIN TIN TIN group chat between the 4 (with Alya in it).

Kim is Nino's childhood friend and he started playing TTOM to spent time with his bro, and ended up in group chat (with Alix because he drag her in the game too), he's not good at games and and just a cannonball but he like let off frustration by beat out the hell of the enemy

Baby step by baby step, the group chat add more people

 He live with Alix in Toulouse, their roomate.

Alix plays a bit at TTOM but plays a lot of flash and horror games.

Ivan and Mylène have 22 years old and are a couple, they don't know Ladybug much, but they've already received a lot of donation from her for their environmental association and Marinette has advertised for them for free

Alix likes Ladybug but she is not her favorite streamer.she understand Marinette's struggle on her eating disorder  because she had eating disorder since she was a child, Kim helps her a lot with it

Nathaniel lives in Auvergne with Marc, the two work together on comics but Nathalie also works as a freelance illustrator and he has already made the banner and stickers for steamers and youtubers, including Marinette.

Ivan and Mylène do vlogs and have a site and an environmental association that Marinette really appreciates.

Max is a little streamer well known to be one of Marinette's best rivals, especially on Ultimate Mecha Strike 3. 

He also does video thumbnails and cover video illustrations for a lot of youtubers including Luka.

Nathaniel started chatting with Marinette because of this (Marinette commissioned him for her website, and her channels) and the two became very good friends.

He lives in Strasbourg and works in engineering stuff.

He does very little live but has a very loyal audience because he's a goddamn god on some games.

And some compilation of their best roasted and sassy moment are on youtube.

The two fight each year for the prize of UMS3

The two like to throw shades at each other  when they playing together.. Very big sassy and roasted moment.

* A bit like RuPaul's Reading season 5 between Alaska and Alyssa Edward * (Yeah i’m kinda in some fever of RPDR right now)

Like : 

There is a roasted meme running in their respective communities, because Max had been champion for two years when Marinette arrived and took that cup from him.

“Hey Bug In !  Here Ladybug, I'm with our dear friend The Gamer, undefeated champion of UMS3 oh whait -

They talk on discord

Okay I finish to translate everything, and shame on my I finish juste by copy paste from google translate. 

* gasp then clap * bravo, it was a good one, Miss [insert thing that Marinette lost or meme of her]

And their conversation is basically shades and meme.

Bruh I wrote a lot :o

I don’t know if I’m going to do some update on it. Give me your opinion on it ! Also you can take some idea just tag me and let’s me see what you have do ^^ !

Good Night  

[movetothesuburbs]

@magneticghouls first of all... My ask box was apparently turned off so it's good to know I'm an idiot. Secondly thank you for asking

Season 1: Charlie Has Cancer. I love this so from the depths of my heart. The concept of it was like that first idea rcg had for the show. Nothing will ever be as relatable to me as Dennis trying to get out of that conversation as soon as possible. "You can talk to me any time" ... "Oh you meant now?" Fucking incredible.

Season 2: The Gang Exploits a Miracle. I'm gonna be honest s2 is my least fave season. The episodes are all pretty good. They just don't grip me as much. They are bastards to the best degree in this episode though. I've never been Catholic but I'm obsessed with the rituals and imagery. "Am I gay for God?" (Real talk I made a dream daddy meme to that) I love Charlie in all white and Mac in all black.

Season 3: The Gang Gets Whacked. Everything about this 2 parter is funny to me. (Except when I get sad abt Dennis) But! Pussy Hands. Peter Nincompoop. Jackie said she counted that Mac and Frank slap Dennis 13 times in a row and I love that. I think cocaine is funny. I think ruining Crucket's life further is funny. I think watching this ep after binging 5 episodes of the Sopranos is extra funny.

Season 4: It was very nearly Mac's Banging the Waitress but I am a sucker for a musical and a basic bitch so you know it's The Nightman Cometh. It was one of the first eps I ever saw. My best friend showed it to me then immediately showed me a live recording. I get Dayman stuck in my head often. I love Charlie. Also "I'm eating because I'm uncomfortable" Cat eyes Mac makes heart eyes Jack.

Season 5: Mac and Dennis Break Up. This was the first episode I ever saw. My bff was like "watch this they're gay" and by God were they. I think about the line "Far be it from me to keep the flower of you from flourishing" every goddamn day.

Season 6: Who Got Dee Pregnant? Admittedly I'm very soft for Dee Gives Birth, but I'm hella gay for Jimmi Simpson and Halloween. Also I love the reactions to if Mac had been the one. I am a sucker for characters telling conflicting accounts of the same event. I think Dennis looked hot as Luigi and think he could have worked that without a Mario just fine, he just wanted a couples costume with Mac. I will not encourage incest shippers, but Dennis thinking he might have gotten Dee pregnant is the funniest gd thing.

Season 7: The High School Reunion. I love far Mac with all my heart and if I saw that man at a high school reunion I do not care what rep he had in high school I would be on that. Also irl I had a crush on the high school drug dealer so what are standards? I love Dee immediately jumping on being the nastiest meanest bitch ever. I love the dance at the end. I think Tim and Dennis made out in high school. I'm gay for Jason Sudeikis so seeing Schmitty show up was beautiful. Cricket..... Was there. My only regret is that I already knew Mac's legal name is Ronald McDonald so I did not get to experience that reveal as a fresh concept.

Season 8: The Gang Dines Out. Did you ever know that you're my hero? I love endings where the gang appreciates Dee. Episodes that take place in one set are always great. The Waiter is great. Frank and Charlie havin' an anniversary 💙 Dennis did not have to give that speech in front of a crowd. He was going to tell Mac all those things just to his face. But he needed that whole restaurant to know who the real hero is. Dennis Reynolds said fuck the troops. I still don't know what a Groupon is. Also that table being so close to the kitchen door probably violates OSHA guidelines but thay's not a part of why I like the episode, just an observation.

Season 9: The Gang Saves the Day. I love seeing characters just imagine fantasy scenarios. Dee's is inspirational but should have been gayer. Mac is... Stupid but I love him with my whole heart and I support him imagining Dennis crying over his corpse. All hail our mighty and buff Lord. Love Dennis saying he'd rather die than have a broken dick. I love that Charlie's is animated. He is so small. There are two genders: janitor or waitress. The most relatable is Frank tho. You eat those hotdogs bitch

Season 10: The Gang Goes on Family Fight. I'm a slut for Argyle sweater vests and Dennis having a mental breakdown. Also Charlie being one of the survey takers was priceless.

Season 11: It should come as no surprise that my favorite of this season (and the series as a whole) is Mac and Dennis Move to the Suburbs. I love every single moment of this episode. I love the breakdown of their sanity. Rage fuels me. People think Dennis is a psychopath but who in this episode is feeding their roommate a dead dog? Not Dennis. What would be different if Dennis was the house husband? You know Wally just wanted to be nice to the gay couple that moved next door but they acted Like That. I'd love to make a longer post just about this episode. Some guy in fb was like "the seasons sucked after sesson 8" and everyone was like "okay but suburbs in season 11 tho" and they guy was like "okay u right" Suburbs is the episode that brings the gays and straights together and will bring us world peace

Season 12: This wss hard cuz I think this is my favorite season overall. And I'm gonna be real controversial here and let you know my fave ep is Dennis' Double Life. I love the concept. I love the convoluted scheme. I would die for Mandy. I know there's a lot with real life stuff happening and how it affected things after but I wanna appreciate it as is. Sometimes you juat have so many big feelings that you run away to North Dakota to be a dad I guess. "I'm the lover obviously" "I have a good plan but you wouldn't listen to it anyway" Did I mention I love Mandy? Maybe it's that I grew up in the Midwest but I understand her on such a deep level. I love this episode so much.

Season 13: The Gang Solves the Bathroom Problem. Every time I go into a bathroom I just think "animal shithouse" nonbinary/genderfluid Charlie rights. Hawaiin shirts. I also love Jimmy Buffett. I love they all sing the wrong song. "As a straight man" in the least convincing way. This episode speaks to me on all levels.

[sharpdressedbman]

A Tribute to Chester: Life, Death, Rebirth, and How He Lives on in Memory

How do you properly memorialize one of your childhood idols? Are you supposed to scream, cry, and gnash your teeth? Or do you put on noise-canceling headphones and block out the ambient noise of the outside world for a while? All of these are difficult questions to answer. I guess that’s why they’re rhetorical. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost two years since Chester Bennington passed. So in a way, this simple little essay is how I can honor him. It feels nice to write something that isn’t fiction or related to a blog for a change[1]. Let’s see how it goes.

Part Zero: Notes from the Underground

I must confess that I was never a member of the official fan club, the LP Underground. I suppose in retrospect that’s how I could have proven I was a legit fan despite never seeing them live in concert except via live stream. But even then, that was a rare occasion. I do remember a t-shirt I got from Hot Topic when I was 12 or so – it had the faces of all of the guys gathered around the classic script font of the band’s logo.

I don’t remember what happened to it. The last time I remember wearing it was in August 2014. I supposed by then I had outgrown it. But still, buying whatever merch I could and getting all of the CDs and eagerly anticipating the next music video all had to count for something.  I knew the names of all the guys, even Mark Wakefield, who was never an official member, and Phoenix Orion (Dave Farrell?), who left before Hybrid Theory but was back in time for Reanimation – more on that later.  

But I digress. Let’s get on with the real meat of why we’re here. In terms of structure, I thought it would make the most sense to go album by album, discuss some memories I have associated with each, and attempt to unpack why they remain so important to me even as time has marched on since then. Growing up with the band, as I’m sure many of you did, you might feel a similar connection that you never fully grasped until the night of the tribute show in December 2017.

Part One: Hybrid Theory

#Forfeit the game/Before somebody else/takes you out of the frame and puts your name to shame/Cover up your face, you can’t run the race/the pace is too fast, you just won’t last. [HT Track 4: “Points of Authority”]

Although Hybrid Theory came out in October 2000, I think the first time I heard it was for another month or two after it came out. It’s still one of the most vivid memories I can still recall, the first time “Papercut” blared out of a cd player. I was sitting in the basement at my buddy Andre’s house and we were playing Perfect Dark with our mutual friend Alberto. It was honestly the perfect soundtrack for the game. Here’s what I said back then: “Dude, who is this? This is awesome!”

               “It’s Linkin Park.”

Even then I thought the name was cool, the way that they intentional misspelled Lincoln – the rule of cool and all that. Elementary school hadn’t even ended yet, but it was still part of my formative years, musically speaking. Before then, I had never discovered any music on my own – my friends had always shown me. My parents didn’t raise me to enjoy music – I hated classical and most of the “standards” went over my head. My parents were still throwing karaoke parties. My old neighbor John showed me James Brown. That’s how I latched onto my first favorite song of all time “I Feel Good”. Then came Third Eye Blind, another early love of mine. But that’s a story for another time, as is my recollections of Limp Bizkit. This tale is about LP.

I wouldn’t realize it at the time, but Hybrid Theory would continue to be one of the most important albums to be me as I left elementary school and hit middle school. The days of Perfect Dark and WCW/nWo Revenge began to fade[2] as Diablo II and Starcraft emerged. The sound of Chester’s howls and Mike’s swagger along with the rest of the bands driving instrumentals provided a backdrop like you wouldn’t believe.  “In the End” stood out in particular, although as middle school came to an end, it became clear that those reasons weren’t ones I wish to discuss here, now. Ask me again another time. It was at the end of middle school (hell, even before) that I confronted the notion of how deeply uncool I was, and probably tangled with imposter syndrome, anxiety, and depression long before I knew what any of those terms meant.

I already knew I was an introvert who was much more inclined to stay inside playing video games, reading, or writing instead of going outside to play street hockey or anything like that. That shouldn’t have meant that I was an easy target for bullying, but hey, it was the 90s and then the early 2000s, so what could you do? LP helped me cope, even if I couldn’t always express my anger in responsible ways.

I think here is a good place to stop and point something out: mental illness has been something that has been immensely important to me – it affects me and I know it damn sure affects my wife and mother in law. I went through a very dark time in my life roughly five years ago that LP also helped me pull out of – but I��ll get to explaining that more in-depth later on. Right now we’re still in the HT era; I just wanted to talk a little bit more about my motivations for writing this piece.[3]

Part Two: Reanimation

#Keep that in mind/ I designed this rhyme/ when I was obsessed with time. [RA Track 3: “Enth E Nd]

Full disclosure: when I first heard Reanimation, I thought it had its moments. But it wasn’t something I could listen to end-to-end and love every single song. Heck, even HT wasn’t like that, since some of the songs had to grow on me. The video with the robots and aliens having a war while the disembodied robot heads of the band sing the remixed version of “Points of Authority” by Jay Gordon of Orgy was definitely awesome, but I don’t know, I had mixed feelings about the album that took years for it to resolve into me think of it as one of the LP’s early era classics that would culminate with Meteora and Live in Texas.

I have a very distinct memory of popping this cd into the car’s stereo while we were out in…Houston? Taiwan? The details are blurry now because it’s been too long. Seventeen years was a long time ago, and 2002 me was simpler, less refined, and yes, much dumber and naïve. On an emotional level, “p5hng me Aw*y” stood out, and even though it wasn’t actually a true Linkin Park song, “It’s Goin’ Down” stood out from this time period too.

Part Three: Meteora

#I’ll never fight again, and this is how it ends…I don’t know what’s worth fighting, or why I have to scream, but now I have some clarity to show you what I mean… [MA Track 9: “Breaking the Habit”]

Meteora is one of those albums I more clearly associate with Diablo II and Starcraft more than any other games. Just something about the overall darkness and broodiness of the album really fit both of those games. Also, this essay project is making me want to go back in time. Not really from a nostalgia standpoint – okay yeah I guess from a nostalgia standpoint. But it was during this era that I really started to enjoy their music videos. Believe it or not, for the longest time, not all of the songs on the album were rated five stars. I used to be stingier with that rating that I am now. It took a while for some of the songs to grow on me, but “Somewhere I Belong”, “Faint”, “Easier to Run”, “Breaking the Habit”. “Nobody’s Listening”, and “Numb” were instant standouts. I’m still not sure what happened to my original copy of this album. The last I checked, I had a burned copy, but not the real deal.

Part Four: Live in Texas

#When I look into your eyes there’s nothing there to see/nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me# [LIT Track 8: P5hng Me A*wy – Live]

Man, I remember this too. It must have come out six months or so after Meteora did, and grabbing it from Kmart was one of my best days. I think it was also the first LP album to have the dreaded Parental Advisory sticker on it, and this is probably the album I blame most for me disliking the edited versions of songs. Sometimes edits can be clever, but when they’re just bleeps or certain naughty words are blanked out, then it gets annoying. Then again, I probably wasn’t a stranger to this concept thanks to early exposure to Third Eye Blind and Limp Bizkit, as I mentioned before. Was this the first time I heard “live” performances of LP? I think it was, and it probably stoked my eagerness to see them live in concert. Alas, it was never to be.

Part Five: Collision Course

#Yeah/Thank you, thank you, thank you, you’re far too kind#  [CC Track 4: “Numb / Encore”]

It’s fitting that as I pick this up on (7/21/19) it’s the day after the 2 year anniversary. I meant to have this finished by the 20th, but it just didn’t happen. Plus “Numb/Encore” was one of the first songs that started up on this go-through of the playlist. If you’re interested in listening to it, I can direct you to my Spotify profile! Numb is one of those songs that have taken on new meaning since his death, but out of all the collaborations on this mashup album, I think it’s the one that works the best sonically and thematically, especially with the juxtaposition between angst and bravado[4].

Part Six: Fort Minor & The Rising Tied

#So sick, if he’s gonna think/That the good lord would come take him/I’m shaking him, “Wake up, you son of a bitch!”#  [TRT Track 14: “Red to Black”]

It was four years between the era of Meteora and Minutes to Midnight. In between that time, there was a sea change. First there was the mashup with Jay-Z, and then this came along in November 2005. I remember being more stoked for it than probably any other music that I discovered that year – and this was when Fall Out Boy, 50 Cent, and Coheed and Cambria dawned on me, among others. For those who don’t know, Fort Minor is/was Mike’s side project. He’s since done other solo stuff under his own name but between then and now he would bust out verses from The Rising Tied and incorporate them into existing songs. I always thought that Red to Black was the most LP-sounding song on the entire album and that for the longest time I thought Chester used Jonah Matranga as an alias and it wasn’t a separate person.  

Part Seven: Minutes to Midnight

#In this farewell/There’s no blood, there’s no alibi/Cause I’ve drawn regret/From the truth of a thousand lies/So let mercy come and wash away# [M2M Track 6: “What I’ve Done”]

In the interest of time, these entries are probably going to get shorter and shorter. At this point, I just want to get the damn thing over with. “What I’ve Done”, the lead single was the one that struck me the most at first; I remember LP making a big deal about how they wanted to start a new sound after leaving their classic era behind. The music video was awesome, and I think LP was one of the best choices for the Transformers movies. I always thought that “What I’ve Done” would make a great wrestling song. Not necessarily as an entrance theme, but as a hype video for a PPV or a feud or something like that. EWR back in the day helped reinforce that belief though I can’t exactly remember what I associated it with – anyway, that’s neither here nor there. The day that I got this album was the same day the shooting at Virginia Tech happened. Finding out that the shooter was a mentally ill Asian dude spooked me. In today’s parlance, I was shook.[5] That’s something that has always stuck out even though it’s something I’ve not been fond of discussing, for obvious reasons. Still, for our purposes here, it is for once, actually relevant.

Part Eight: Dead by Sunrise and Out of Ashes

#Don’t want to lose my innocence/Don’t want the world second-guessing my heart/Won’t let your lies take a piece of my soul/Don’t want to take your medicine# [OOA Track 2: “Crawl Back In”]

The melodies that emerged on Minutes to Midnight, especially when it was Chester’s turn to take the mic, evolved. They turned into another platform for his music: the side-project Dead by Sunrise and their only album, so far as I know: Out of Ashes. I lump this album in with Welcome to the Masquerade by Thousand Foot Krutch and Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin. All three emerged during my sophomore year of college[6], which was another difficult year for me. I think that is when I had the most trouble sleeping, either by choice or for other reasons.  Out of everything LP-related, I think I have given this the least amount of attention. It’s probably time for that to change, ten years later.

Part Nine: A Thousand Suns

#Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds/I suppose we all thought that, one another# [ATA Track 2: “The Radiance”]

If Minutes to Midnight was an attempt to step out of the shadow of Hybrid Theory, then A Thousand Suns represented an aural breakaway. It was vastly different, integrating more spoken word and turning up their signature sound to 12. I can’t remember exactly if it was in 2009 or 2010 that I was meant to go see LP as they rolled into DC. Ultimately, I couldn’t go because of a lack of transport. It all ended up moot anyway because that was the show that got canceled because of Chester being sick. Trying to dig up that post on Facebook is probably beyond me now because it’s a day late. Maybe someday I’ll be able to find it again because those days were golden (at least my pathetic little eulogy for him that I wrote two years ago.)

Part Ten: Living Things

#Fly me up on a silver wing/Past the black where the sirens sing/Warm me up in a nova’s glow/And drop me down to the dream below#  [LT Track 6: “Castle of Glass”]

So if LP had been striving to break away from the sound that made them famous, it was at this point where they were “Nah bro” and went full bore back around into an ouroboros[7] of awesome. While the vast majority of A Thousand Suns[8] had to grow on me over the intervening years, Living Things grabbed me by the throat and never let go. It followed the Hybrid Theory blueprint to a T. After all this time, “Castle of Glass” still stands out as my favorite from the album, but as is often the case, it’s hard to pick favorites.

Part Eleven: Recharged

#When I was young, they told me, they said/Make your bed, you lie in that bed/A king can only reign ‘til instead/There comes that day it’s off with his head# [RC Track 1: “A Light That Never Comes”]

The less said about this, the better. It had its moments, especially “A Light That Never Comes” which showed me the potential of Steve Aoki. But the memory that stands out most clearly about the day I got this album was getting a case of Hell or High Watermelon beer. I think since I got it from Record and Tape Traders, it was the day I found the TARDIS socks for Ally and sent them to her later that week. As you probably gathered from the cluster of footnotes, this was deemed my least favorite “official” LP album, and that ranking has held up in the last six years. It does to Living Things what Reanimation did to Hybrid Theory, but for whatever reason, I can’t bring myself to enjoy it more.  

Part Twelve: The Hunting Party

#Cause you don’t know what you’ve got/it’s your battle to be fought/until it’s gone# [THP Track 7: “Until It’s Gone]

Ah, here we go. LP seems to follow patterns in the creation of their albums. Cause roughly a year after Recharged, there came The Hunting Party. After A Thousand Suns came and went, it seemed like LP was on a creative lull. But then we got LT, Recharged, and THP in three straight years. This came out in 2014, and it’s hard to believe that five years have passed already. To this day, I still think that my favorite part was all of the guest appearances on their album, especially from collaborators they hadn’t featured before then, like Daron Malakian and Tom Morello.

Part Thirteen: Welcome

#First time I did it, yeah I’ll admit it/I kinda hit it and quit it and left y’all hanging# [“Welcome”]

In all honesty, this should be a footnote for The Rising Tied. It came out 10 years later, as a way for Mike to tip a wink and a nod at all his fans that were still waiting for a full-fledged sequel. Fate had other plans, though. I can still remember helping to clean Tidewater while this song blared through my headphones.  This probably became one of my most played songs of 2015.

Part Fourteen:  One More Light

#Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do# [OML Track 9: “One More Light”]

We’re almost to the finish line. I was super excited for One More Light because it broke a drought of no new music until 2017[9]. The song One More Light became more poignant after his passing. I hope it still makes him proud.

Part Fifteen: Afterword

So where do we go from here?  Honestly, not even the remaining members of the band know. They’re not actively looking to replace Chester, and as a group, they’re still officially on hiatus. I didn’t even touch on any of the DVD or special edition releases that I’ve barely heard. I guess in a sense they’re honorable mentions, but without having listened to them, I can’t form any honest opinions or associations for them.[10]

[/mrhahn]

     [1] It seems fitting that I mention that shirt I got as a twelve-year-old because that’s when I started picking up on writing as a hobby. It was a way to release my imagination and translate what I had in mind into a story, even if those early stories were embarrassingly bad. These footnotes will serve to flesh out those asides since they’ll more than likely distract from the main narrative I’m trying to spin here.

         [2] Although Revenge remains iconic! Even to this day, I still long for an N64 and another copy.

[3] Chester struggled with MI too, even though hardly anyone knew it. It’s what ultimately got the best of him.

[4] My fascination with Genius Lyrics is really helping me to analyze and better understand the meanings of the words.

[5] It didn’t help that he bore an uncanny resemblance to me…

[6] 2009, how time flies!

[7] Not sure how to spell this dang word.

[8] I regarded it as my least favorite LP album until Recharged came out. More on that later.

[9] It wasn’t until that I built the playlist that inspired this essay that I learned that there were some other singles issued between The Hunting Party and One More Light. These tracks include “We Made It” with Busta Rhymes, which actually fell between Meteora and Minutes to Midnight; “Not Alone”, which was between A Thousand Suns and Living Things; and “Darker Than Blood” with Steve Aoki that was between The Hunting Party and One More Light.  

[10] One was called “Frat Party at the Pankake Festival” and the other one was “Road to Revolution”, I think?

[evenstevensranked]

#19: Season 3, Episode 15 - “The Big Splash”

Louis surprises everyone by joining the diving team, but then surprises no one by only doing cannonballs. This eventually leads to Louis reevaluating the future he envisions for himself. Should he remain a class clown forever? Or should he start taking life more seriously? Meanwhile, Ren’s on a mission to win “Best Smile” in the yearbook.

We start our episode with Tawny, Twitty and Tom (oh wow I just realized that all of Louis’ friends names start with the letter T lol) sitting in the stands at a school dive meet. Louis told them to go, yet he’s suspiciously nowhere to be found. Until a mysterious hooded guy walks out with LJH’s team, dramatically takes off the hood and… yeah. It’s Louis. Louis is apparently good at diving according to Twitty and Coach Tugnut (“Stevens, you don’t stink so bad!”) but he decides to squander his talent for laughs instead by doing cannonballs. It’s so cringy. Not only because doing cannonballs at a dive meet and soaking the entire audience & judges is beyond immature -- but, because his cannonballs are so fake lol. There’s the initial surface splash, and then an immediate second one that looks like a freaking nuclear bomb. Unless we’re all watching this from the perspective of Shallow Hal and Louis is actually 600 pounds, it makes no sense. I know it’s just for the lulz... but still. The gang gets a kick out of it.

We cut to the subplot where we see Ruby rushing around and tallying people’s votes for yearbook superlatives. Ren finds out that she’s a lock for “The Big Three” -- Most Likely to Succeed, Most Intelligent, and Best Personality. Is it just me, or is Best Personality a little debatable? (No offense, Ren.) Monique asks who’s in the lead for Best Smile and Ren gets salty when she finds out it’s some random chick Kelly Kerwin. Sooo, now Ren is determined to beat Kelly for Best Smile, as if she doesn’t currently hold the title for literally everything else. Seriously, girl. Let some other people get their time to shine. Dang. 

After school, Ren lets the cat out of the bag to Steve and Eileen about Louis joining the diving team. Steve is beyond excited and tells Louis he’ll try to make it to the next meet. Clearly, Louis does not want his family to attend and witness his latest goofball stunt. 

Next, we get a time-lapse of Ren being her own personal dentist in the bathroom before school because god forbid she doesn’t win Best Smile. It then cuts to Ren having a smile showdown at school with Kelly. This is the second time in the series where we get that annoying sepia, cowboy standoff thing. This cliché never works for me, ever. This goes on for 1 minute and 14 seconds which might seem like a short amount of time, but my god does this scene crawl by. Definitely the lowest point.

Steve decides to attend Louis’ next dive meet and brings his boss, Mr. Kupchack, along with him. Oh, boy. Tugnut compliments Kupchack’s fancy blazer and he responds “Thank you. It’s the finest Italian suede” and all Tugnut can say is “.........too bad.” HAHA. Of course, Louis gets up there and does another massive cannonball, completely soaking the audience... Including Mr. Kupchack and his fancy Italian blazer. Steve is livid and rightfully so. 

Louis’ guilt is starting to sink in... 

At home that night, Steve has a serious talk with Louis. He tells him that he was incredibly proud before the meet, (hence why he brought Kupchack along) only to be disappointed yet again. Louis tries to brush off his immature decisions by saying “I’m a kid. That’s what I do. I have fun.” But, Steve poses the question “It may be fun now… But where are you gonna be 10 years from now?” This really resonates with Louis. It cuts to a dramatic shot of him looking at a crap ton of “Class Clown” trophies later that night. Uh… When did Louis get all those trophies?! Where does he keep them? They don’t really let us see lol. It seems like they have their own private display room! Do schools even give out trophies for prestigious accomplishments such as “Seventh Grade Class Clown”? That’s the real question here. Anyway. This fades into a daydream Louis has of a 10 Year Lawrence Jr. High reunion.

As a kid, I always thought 10 years was too small of a time jump. Especially because Louis imagines Tom married with two kids and another on the way. But, 2017 marked the 10 year anniversary of my own middle school graduation. Now I'm 24 and a recent college graduate. Not to mention a lot of my friends are already getting married, having kids and starting their careers of course. So… Looking back at this as an adult, it's actually pretty accurate.

I love how since Twitty is a musician, they had to give him a ponytail down to his freaking butt.

I’d also like to point out that Tawny is a fashion designer, wearing rope lights as part of her outfit, and talks about spending time in Rome. Was Disney Channel under the assumption that clothes featuring rope lights are a high fashion ~Rome~ thing? Exhibit B:

Louis’ daydream is so depressing... but I absolutely love it. He basically imagines himself as a total screwup man-child. He can’t relate to his accomplished adult friends because he never grew out of being his middle school jokester self. It’s too real. You just cringe the entire time because everyone is trying to have a mature conversation and Louis is literally incapable of doing so. One by one, they all become annoyed by Louis’ antics and make up an excuse to leave. Twitty’s the only one left in the end and asks for Louis’ email to keep in touch. We reach the final straw when Louis says: “It’s kommanderpoopypants@laughsat.net..... With a K.” OHHHH GODDDDDD IT’S SO BAAAAADDDDD. I just wanna die of embarrassment. Twitty is fed up at this point too and peaces out. Louis snaps out of the daydream and whispers “No...” to himself -- clearly deciding against a future like that. 

The moment Twitty lost all hope. 

That whole sequence is definitely the standout moment of the episode for me. Not because of how funny it is (like you might imagine a standout Even Stevens moment to be), but because of how not funny it is. It’s something we’ve never really seen on the show before. I think taking a peek into Louis’ potential pathetic future was so great. It’s almost like they expanded on what they started in Uncle Chuck. This profound moment segues back into the pointless Best Smile drama. I think it’s kinda interesting how Louis’ plot is very existential here and Ren’s is very superficial. I wonder if that was intentional or not. 

Since Ren was so desperate to win and forced herself to smile non-stop, her facial muscles end up getting stuck in a rather disturbing grin lol oops. She’s scheduled to sing the school song at the dive meet in 5 minutes. This somehow leads to Ruby giving Ren a makeover to “distract from the mouth.” She also gives Ren the brilliant advice to cut through the steam room on her way to the pool. The end result is the long lost sister of Pennywise. Ren, The Singing Clown: 

Hiya, Georgie!! (No, but really. She looks terrifying.) 

Even though he wishes Louis would take it seriously, Steve still goes to the meet to show support. Kupchack also makes another appearance because his first-grader son (Played by Hayden Panettiere’s little brother) wants to see “The Cannonball Kid!”

Louis has built up a name for himself apparently. There’s a massive crowd there to see him! I would imagine these are the same kind of people who stand right next to the log flume ride at amusement parks just to get soaked while fully clothed for whatever unimaginable reason. 

You can see that Louis is under a lot of pressure to either give in to the weirdos in the crowd and give them the cannonball they want -- or to take the first step towards seriousness and do an actual dive. In the end, his decision to do a real dive is so admirable!!! I love it so much. But, naturally, when he emerges from the pool and declares “You know what? From this day forward... Let it be known: I am not a clown” we see that he’s standing there as naked as the day he was born. 

I was going to ask why Louis is the only team member who wears trunks instead of a speedo... but I guess this is the reason why, haha. He needed to wear something flimsy so it could fly right off of him later I guess? lol. I’d also like to point out Tawny’s freaking FACE: 

Um... okay, gurl. I always thought it was weird how she (along with, like.. 50 other people) saw her future boyfriend naked in public like that.

Anyway, Louis scurries off embarrassed and that’s it! The “final minute” bit is Ren coming home from school with a copy of the yearbook already??? She won The Big Three... and the last minute honor of “Best Class Clown.” It’s like Louis and Ren swapped stories in the end. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET, REN! That’s what you get!!! This is also the second time we see Ren wanting to achieve perfection in the yearbook and having it totally blow up in her face. 

I love this episode. It was actually the one I was most excited to rewatch while I was organizing my list. Since Louis is my favorite character, this one obviously gets a lot of “personal favorite” points for me. As I mentioned, it isn't even necessarily funny. As soon as Louis does his first cannonball, I get kinda depressed actually lol. The reason I'm ranking this one higher is because I just really love the plot-line and this more serious side of Louis which is seldom seen this prominently. In contrast to Uncle Chuck though, this episode spins the depressing factor into a positive and leaves you feeling optimistic about Louis’ future. You get the sense that he’s actually going to finally make an effort moving forward.

This episode would be even more effective if they actually aired it in production order!! “The Big Splash” is #320 in production. “Model Principal” is #319 — Ya know, the episode where Louis acts like an actual clown and singlehandedly turns the entire school into a circus??? Yeah. They decided to place that episode 3 episodes after this one. If “Model Principal” aired the episode before “The Big Splash” — LIKE IT WAS MEANT TO — it would’ve been so much better. We would’ve seen the height of Louis’ ridiculousness followed by the sobering episode where he decides to knock it off. The episodes leading up to “The Big Splash” in production order are all next-level zany Louis stuff. The few episodes that follow don’t include too much over the top stuff from him, so it would all make total sense. Instead, we get a really solid episode for Louis’ character development, later followed by a total regression of that development. Curse Disney’s f’d up schedule! WHYYYY?!?!?!

Thanks for reading!!

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope you all had a nice holiday. I took a break for Christmas, so yeah. I was actually so mad that the Christmas/Hanukkah episode wasn’t next on the list. It would’ve been perfect timing to review it last week. Oh, well. That episode is really good and deserves even higher than #19 ;) 

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[char27martin]

20 Best Songs for Writers and About Writing: The Ultimate Writing Mixtape

Recently, I had iTunes on random and a couple songs played back-to-back that had lines about writing. It didn’t take long for me to wonder, “What are the best songs for writers and about writing?” So I started making my own list, and I put out a call on Facebook and Twitter (find my handles below if you love being part of such conversations).

Anyway, this post puts together my ultimate writing mixtape of the best 20 songs for and about writers and the process of writing. Sure, there are many other great songs about the subject, and please share them in the comments below. But this is the mix I’m going to start rocking on my way to and from writer conferences, open mics, and writing retreats.

Just click the links below to listen to the songs on YouTube.

*****

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*****

20 Best Songs for Writers and About Writing Mixtape

Track 1: “I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter,” by Fats Waller

This is the perfect intro track with a bit of an instrumental opening before getting into the lyrics, which include, “I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a letter and make believe it came from you.” The song was composed by Fred E. Ahlert and Joe Young in 1935 and made popular by Waller. But it’s been covered by a range of artists, including Billy Williams, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Nat “King” Cole, Willie Nelson, Anne Murray, Linda Scott, and Paul McCartney–just to name a few.

Track 2: “I Could Write a Book,” by Dinah Washington

There are two ways to make a transition on a mixtape: smooth or jarring. Both are effective, but I prefer smooth early on in a mix. Enter this wonderful version of “I Could Write a Book,” which was a tune in the Rodgers & Hart 1940 musical Pal Joey. I first heard Harry Connick’s version from When Harry Met Sally…, but a range of artists have performed this song as well, including Ella Fitzgerald, Rosemary Clooney, and Miles Davis.

Track 3: “Dancing in the Dark,” by Bruce Springsteen

According to the Boss, “you can’t start a fire without a spark.” So here we go. The biggest hit off the bestselling album (Born in the U.S.A.) of Bruce Springsteen’s career, “Dancing in the Dark” includes the line that he’s “sick of sitting around here trying to write this book.” Musically, this song jump starts the mix with synths, quick beats, and that fade out sax.

Track 4: “Write About Love,” by Belle and Sebastian

Anyone who has participated in either my April or November poem-a-day challenges knows how I feel about love poems. So of course, Belle and Sebastian’s song “Write About Love” from the album titled Write About Love had to make the cut. In addition to the writing theme, it keeps the upbeat momentum of the early mixtape.

Track 5: “The Engine Driver,” by the Decemberists

Track five slows things down a little, and it plays with the theme of love while taking it’s time getting to the writing reference in the song. But the chorus slams home with, “I am a writer, writer of fictions … and I’ve written pages upon pages trying to rid you from my bones.” Once you hear this song, it stays. Click here for a pretty cool analysis of the song.

Track 6: “Poetry Man,” by Phoebe Snow

Transition time: From slower and lonely to mellow and hopeful. A kind of summer afternoon song by Phoebe Snow about the poetry man, who “makes things alright.” The song actually hit number one on the Billboard‘s Easy Listening chart in 1975. In 2007, Queen Latifah covered the song for her Trav’lin’ Light album.

Track 7: “I Am a Rock,” by Simon and Garfunkel

As Paul Simon mentions in the opening of this performance, “This according to Arty is my most neurotic song.” This folk song plays off the previous song’s focus on poetry with the line, “I have my books and my poetry to protect me.” I’m sure more than a few poets and readers can relate to that sense of protection from loneliness and isolation. Released as a single in 1966, “I Am a Rock” rose to number three on the Billboard Top 100 list.

Track 8: “Wuthering Heights,” by Kate Bush

Kate Bush hit it big on her debut single, which she wrote at 18 and was based on the novel of the same name. “Wuthering Heights” was released in January 1978 and spent 4 weeks at the number one position of the UK Singles Chart. One interesting part of this song is that Bush lifted lines from Wuthering Heights character Catherine Earnshaw, including “Let me in! I’m so cold!” from the chorus. The song had two music videos; the other one can be viewed by clicking here.

Track 9: “Paperback Writer,” by the Beatles

After some slower (and more somber) songs, we switch up the mood and beat a little with the Beatles. “Paperback Writer” was written by Paul McCartney as a response to a challenge by an aunt, according to disc jockey Jimmy Savile, who asked him to write a single that didn’t have to do with love. Regardless of the inspiration, the song is written as a letter from an author to a publisher, making it relatable to writers everywhere.

Track 10: “Autobiography,” by Sloan

This song starts, “I’m bright and young and gifted in my autobiography; I figured who would know better than me?” I’ve always considered this song a little gem for writers, especially writers who have a life story to tell. This song comes off Sloan’s One Chord to Another album, which recently celebrated its 20th anniversary.

Track 11: “Hey Jack Kerouac,” by 10,000 Maniacs

In this performance, Natalie Merchant starts off by reading a brief biography of Jack Kerouac. Then, they jump into this song, which reads like a letter to Kerouac from the opening lines, “Hey Jack Kerouac, I think of your mother and the tears she cried, she cried for none other…” A song about a literary figure and the life of an artist.

Track 12: “Everyday I Write the Book,” by Elvis Costello and the Attractions

For mixtape purposes, I consider this a response track to the previous song. This song was the first hit for Costello and the Attractions in the U.S. It uses the process of writing a book as a metaphor for love and a relationship. One part sings, “Chapter One, we didn’t really get along; Chapter Two, I think I fell in love with you…” Costello himself referred to it as a “bad Smokey Robinson song.”

Track 13: “Unwritten,” by Natasha Bedingfield

I have to admit; I didn’t think this song would be a good fit. But hey, sometimes that’s the magic of a mixtape: Each song raises the others. But I love lyrics like, “Staring at the blank page before you” and “Today is when your book begins.” It hit number five on the Billboard Hot 100 in 2006; so there are at least a few others out there who dig it too.

Track 14: “Word Crimes,” by Weird Al Yankovic

As long as we’re getting into weird territory, it’s time to slip in Weird Al and maybe the best grammar-related song ever. A parody of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines,” “Word Crimes” has too many lines to do it justice in a short blurb. But it breaks down the proper use of “it’s” and “its,” in addition to talking about the best time to use the world “literally.”

Track 15: “Oxford Comma,” by Vampire Weekend

From a song about grammar to a song that focuses on one of the more contentious grammar issues of all-time: the Oxford comma. Use it? Don’t use it? In this song, Vampire Weekend seems to be saying, “who cares?” Writers, that’s who! Am I right?

Track 16: “Writers Retreat,” by Lloyd Cole

This is when you know we’re getting real on this mixtape: grammar, Oxford commas, and writing retreats? Heck yeah! This is the writing life. In this song, Cole laments how he won’t be there when his lover returns from the writers retreat. From the chorus: “You can write a book while falling apart.”

Track 17: “I’ll Be Your Sylvia Plath,” by Laurel Brauns

This is a sweet, little connector song between the few rollicking romps before it and the final three of this writing music mix. I wish I could share more about this song and the artist, but it was really unknown to me before being recommended on Facebook. The power of social media!

Track 18: “Romeo and Juliet,” by Dire Straits

Considered a classic song by many, “Romeo and Juliet” riffs off the Shakespearean play of the same name. The Dire Straits version is amazing, but I also love the one by the Indigo Girls (listen here). This song is for the literary minded, the broken hearted, and people who just like great music.

Track 19: “BMFA,” by Martha Wainwright

The actual title for this song is a little censored, but multiple folks recommended the song on social media. And I like it. So I’m including it. The song’s opening line is, “Poetry’s no place for a heart that’s a whore.” And eventually there is quite a bit of swearing. If that’s too much, skip this track so the kids can’t hear it. If it’s not, turn up the volume and sing along.

Track 20: “Box Full of Letters,” by Wilco

This is what I call a framing song. The first and final track are both about letter writing. Ha! But seriously, this is a great track that begins, “Got a box full of letters, I think you might like to read…but they’re all addressed to me.” Also, “I just can’t find the time to write my mind the way I want it to read.” And honestly, that about sums up how I often feel as a writer.

*****

Robert Lee Brewer

Robert Lee Brewer is Senior Content Editor of the Writer’s Digest Writing Community and author of the poetry collection, Solving the World’s Problems (Press 53). He edits Poet’s Market and Writer’s Market, in addition to writing a free weekly WritersMarket.com newsletter and a poetry column for Writer’s Digest magazine.

He loves writing and music; so this is like his favorite blog post ever.

Follow him on Twitter @robertleebrewer. Or follow him on Facebook here.

*****

Find more great posts here:

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[derangedroyalfae]

Feb 4, 2019 12:30AM

Royal (Feb 3, 11:24 PM) I'm sorry, I'll stop focusing on this

I thought maybe looking back at the old love songs I wrote might be helpful

Jewel (11:25 PM) Did it help?

Royal (11:26 PM) not really…

I look back and almost finding myself thinking "fool"

Jewel (11:26 PM) Ah, I know that feeling

Royal (11:26 PM) it doesn't help that nearly all of them were written before we had gotten to our first anniversary

they all make it sound like we've been together for so long at that point, but it hadn't even been a year

well, aside from Down Low, but it's literally about impulsively jumping into a relationship (sexually too) and wanting to talk about it, but you have to tell yourself you shouldn't

Jewel (11:28 PM) Also, the "counting the days" thing really surprised me and reminded me of Jolly

Not saying he's as bad as Jolly or anything but that thing definitely reminded me of him

Royal (11:29 PM) in fact, Down Low even has a line where it's like "Oh shit what have I gotten into"

"Said we'd wait ~ But we took a big leap ~ And now we're sinking in way too deep"

"Feelings' in the fast lane ~ Body's in the fast lane ~ You're in the fast lane ~ Oh no ~ Here we go"

I purposely talk about the sexual components of it, because us get "frisky" is what put us in the relationship

even then I knew I was being stupid and rash

but I passed it up as something cute and made a cheesy love song from it

Jewel (11:32 PM) I still remember the exact moment you told me

If I'm honest, I was definitely surprised and a bit worried cuz it was so sudden, but I was still hopeful cuz you seemed quite happy and I really wanted you to be happy after that whole thing with those two

Royal (11:35 PM) it was because I was happy, because it was thrilling and not what I just was (depressed and neglected), that I could ignore that it was a stupid move

it's like taking a drug or over-indulging in your favorite food, you know it's bad for you but it feels so good in the moment

Jewel (11:36 PM) I understand

Royal (11:36 PM) I still feel guilty, like it counts as cheating, since it was before the breakup that we technically got together

Jewel (11:36 PM) My own relationship was quite impulsive, so I can relate to that impulse

Since I only knew him for a week

Yeah, the whole thing was a little patchy that way

Royal (11:37 PM) not that Trainwreck/Error would have fucking cared

they were going to breakup with me, but Error hadn't known that I knew, so it still felt wrong

Jewel (11:38 PM) I get you

Though their behavior in that whole thing was just weird

Royal (11:39 PM) they're cunts, plain and simple

Trainwreck especially

Jewel (11:39 PM) Oh for sure

Royal (11:40 PM) but I hadn't known it at the time, so I still feel bad that I'd do that to people who weren't bad in my eyes

it's morally gray

Jewel (11:40 PM) I really relate to that too in a bit of a different way, so I get you

Ya know, I don't actually know if I ever mentioned this, but I used to have this huge crush on one of my coworkers at my college workplace

Well nothing of course came from it, but I already liked him before I had broken up sort of. It's gray.  But mainly I felt like it was wrong for me to suddenly not feel into Jolly and just start wanting someone else.

Royal (11:44 PM) I had a crush on Nurd before my relationship ended (though I'm sure you read/remember that), but then again, I'm polyamorous, and the people who were supposed to love me weren't giving me TLC

Jewel (11:44 PM) Yeah

Royal (11:44 PM) it's normal for people to crush on others even when in a relationship, it's different when you act upon it

Jewel (11:45 PM) Though it's different if it's paired with a simultaneous feeling of losing interest in your current partner

That's what I felt bad about

Royal (11:45 PM) I acted upon it

you did not

but your point is valid

Jewel (11:46 PM) Though hey, at least I didn't tell him and then try to introduce them to try to make them be friends amirite

Royal (11:46 PM) *feels kinda called out*

Jewel (11:46 PM) Did I mention Jolly did that with a girl he "fell in love with" while he was with me

Royal (11:47 PM) oh yeah

I never forgot about that one, still think about what an asshat move that was

Jewel (11:48 PM) I was already having a shit day that day cuz my theater professor who I specifically told I wanted to be referred to by male pronouns proceeded to, after telling me to my face he would, not do that.

Royal (11:51 PM) What if I know by the end of this month that I should break up with him? Can I really keep up a charade until the semester is over, for a couple more months? Doesn't that make me as bad as Trainwreck/Error? Isn't that like leading him on?

I suppose, I should think about it like this: it depends on how I feel AT (not by) the end of the semester

Jewel (11:52 PM) Honestly, I don't think you should wait if you're sure and wait if you're not

Like don't keep waiting after you're sure and just put up an act to keep to a set time to break up

Royal (11:52 PM) you mean that I should wait if I'm not sure

Jewel (11:52 PM) Yeah

Royal (11:54 PM) the worst part is, I don't feel like I'd have anything to lose by breaking up with him, besides maybe losing him (and probably Jenna) forever [and pissing off my own family or making them say "I told you so"]

and with how I feel right now, I'm fine with losing him forever

I can live without him

but that's how I feel right now and that could be wrong

Jewel (11:56 PM) Man, I gotta say, these feelings you're describing sound so familiar to me

Including feeling like that could change

Royal (11:56 PM) he's just another human being, and he filled the role my heart wanted him to play and groomed me until I found some better place of mind

I don't need him anymore, and I feel like an awful person for saying that

Jewel (11:56 PM) But ultimately, you're gonna have to talk about this to him honestly, for both of your sake

Regardless of how things change, do you really see things going back to how they were at your highest point of happiness with him? If not, then that's a big thing to consider. Not saying you should make the decision now. But yeah.

Royal (11:58 PM) I'm NOT deciding now

and I suppose, when I added to my post about "I won’t break up with him until after the current semester is finished, not unless things get way too hectic"

I suppose by "hectic" I mean if I really feel like it's wrong and a terrible thing of me to make him stay

Jewel (11:59 PM) I suppose I was unsure cuz at least the way the post looks to me now (don't know if you changed it), it says "I will" at the end

Royal (Feb 4, 12:00 AM) "I’m not saying it’s official, but here is what my plan is should it be"

NOT saying it’s official and SHOULD it be

meaning, this is a hypothetical situation

Jewel (12:00 AM) Oh

My mind did not compute "is should it be" properly but I get it better now

Also my words about "not saying you should make the decision now" was mainly clarifying my own intent so it didn't come off wrong

Royal (12:02 AM) I can live with him seeing me as a terrible person, because I feel like one

Jewel (12:03 AM) Like I don't want any of my words to sound like pushing you one way or other because obviously this is ultimately your decision

Royal (12:03 AM) I know, you guys have all been good about that

I've literally been depressed about this all weekend, starting Thursday afternoon

Jewel (12:04 AM) :(. I'm sorry.

I get you

Royal (12:04 AM) I wrote that song and it just became so real

I was actually able to put it into words

and then I found more words for it

it just spilled over

and it's not the first time I've felt this way, you remember last time

Jewel (12:06 AM) This is gonna sound odd maybe, but how possible is it to sometime, talk about it with him without the intention of breaking up or not breaking up?

Not now, but well, any time ever

Royal (12:06 AM) that has been a thought

the idea of talking to him

singing the song, not necessarily as a breakup song as it wasn't intended to be that

the song wasn't indicating that I should breakup, it was never what it meant to be when I began writing it

Jewel (12:07 AM) It didn't come off as such either

It came off as more, trying to understand why things are the way they are and expressing that

Royal (12:08 AM) I'm honestly feeling like I don't want him in my life right now, that our desires aren't lining up either

I keep trying to snap myself out of that, like I feel like I'm sabotaging myself

Jewel (12:09 AM) Probably some space is necessary at this point too

Royal (12:10 AM) I feel like I'm turning this into a self-fulfilling prophecy

Jewel (12:10 AM) Since he lives there and all, and you're around each other so much when you're having these thoughts

Royal (12:10 AM) it's not even a matter of needing space, I avoid him already

I'm not here on the weekends and I'm either at school or he's at work

and when we are both home, it's not like I actively try to hang out with him, I almost never do nowadays

Jewel (12:11 AM) Do you feel like his desire to spend time with you is unchanged?

Royal (12:12 AM) he loves me, he's never stopped wanting to be around me

it's not about his feelings toward me, though

he always asks, he always tries

he's understandingly frustrated, as his special other, I should want to spend time with him

Jewel (12:15 AM) Ah, yeah

Royal (12:16 AM) I don't think he understands why, I think he just sees me as being selfish and/or insensitive (which is true as well)

hence why he calls me out on it

but he doesn't recognize it as me falling out of love with him

Jewel (12:18 AM) Though, he's never like, actually tried to talk about then, right?

Like a proper talk

Royal (12:18 AM) as to why I don't hang out like we used to?

Jewel (12:18 AM) Or that he would like you to or anything of that sort

Royal (12:19 AM) he's kind of oblivious and stressed and overworked and constantly tired at the moment

the best I'll get on this specific topic is a snide comment like "of course" or him simply pointing it out, but not actually asking about it or trying to converse about it

Jewel (12:20 AM) It makes me wonder if somewhere he's afraid of what he might hear if he does

Royal (12:21 AM) he almost never sits me down to talk about things, I'm the one who usually does that

Jewel (12:21 AM) Ah, yeah

It might just be that he's 100% oblivious as well

Royal (12:22 AM) I'm the one who has instigated everything in our relationship

dating, sex, marriage, arguments

more or less

by arguments, I mean when I have a problem and I try to talk about it, but I feel like nothing comes of it

the sassy brick wall situation

I know I'm terribly flawed, and sometimes what he says is true, but it never feels like he hears me

like really hears me, what I'm trying to say and why it bothers me

he's a really good person, and I've fed off that all of this time, like the happiness-sucking vampire I am

I am SO not feeling up to going to school, but alas, I must. I know better than to fall into that dangerous loop. I told myself that this year/semester I would do my best to avoid my bad habits. Hell, I got my paper due today (well…yesterday as it’s after midnight) turned in on time. So go to school, you sack of shit.

I wish I had a therapist again right now. That I present them with all of this and they helped me decide on what to do. I know that they can’t tell me what to do, but they would have a lot less bias than the people I keep turning to.

Last night, I had said to my girlfriends that it was a bad sign that I was telling them and not him of these feelings. Hell, I hadn’t even told him of what happened last time, and that JUST dawned on me.

[joannaaapotato-blog]

Signing IN

First of all, I created this blog because it was required by our great subject teacher Sir Carlos Babaran who is very handsome and very awesome (*whispering* Hoping I’d get plus points for this). So now, let’s get down to brass tacks, the part where I should introduce myself to you guys.

Hello to the world of blogs! To the blogging community! I’m Jo-Anna Juan, Jo-Anna with a dash. If you need a food buddy, just call me and I’d be very willing as long as you pay the bill, if you want a shoulder to cry on, just lean on me as long as you’re not a stranger (It will be creepy you know… and awkward…), if you need a friend, I’ll be here but in case you’re a guy and I fell in love with you, please don’t friendzone me and if you need a lover, I can give you all the love you need (Just joking! My mom might read this).

Really, let’s get serious now. Hmm, I’m actually thinking if there’s still anything that I could say that won’t make you guys bored and complete the required 500 words for this introduction and obviously, I cannot give my personal information because you can use it against me (Kidding!). Well, I can list down here my favorites but I guess you won’t care though unless you’re my boyfriend and you want to have an idea what to give me in Valentines or in our Anniversary and my friend who’s thinking what gift he/she could buy me for my upcoming debut next year. Yeah! It’s my debut next year and I’d be free legally! I can go out of the country without the permission of my parents and guardians! I can have a part time job and have my own money, I can vote for the next president (Every vote counts, right?) and… I can get married! Mwahahaha… Well, I’m a good girl so college first and a decent job. So much for the excitement yet I’m still 17 sooo let’s keep on waiting… A message for every 17 years old out there, you know the feeling…

Well, let’s get back to me introducing myself. I love to sing wherein my voice can explode your eardrums, break the glass windows and result to rainfall. HAHA! Seriously, I can sing… In my room, in the bathroom, in the living room and in the dining room because truthfully I have pet peeves standing alone in front of many people and that’s maybe the reason why I have no experience performing on a stage yet I know I can sing.

So I’m gonna share a few lines of the song that I have liked recently and it’s very inspiring for every girl out there. So here it goes…

There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark You should know you're beautiful just the way you are And you don't have to change a thing The world could change its heart No scars to your beautiful We're stars and we're beautiful

In addition to that, I still have to answer 5 academic-related questions so please bear with me.

1. Where do I see myself 10 years from now? Was my learning in SPUP vital to where I’m leading to?

   Ten years from now, I see myself enjoying the fruits of my labor standing in the front of large windows in my penthouse overlooking a view of the company where I am working as a successful accountant and reminiscing my journey from when I was only 17 years old studying in SPUP up to now. Every educational attainment I have is vital to my becoming and SPUP is a part of it.

2. Was ABM/STEM the best choice after all?

   Yes, ABM will always be the first choice and the best choice for me. It is the strand where I see myself and where I want to be since I was a kid.

3. What course will you take in college and why?

   The course that I’ll be taking in college is Bachelor of Science in Accountancy. Since then, I have been idolizing my Uncle who placed 13th in the 2002 CPA Licensure Examination and I want to follow his steps.

4. What topic would you like to learn more in this subject?

   A topic I would like to learn is control shortcuts in which it is kept a secret unless you take a course for programming and all hacking strategies.

5. Ask Sir Anything.

   Sir, can you answer all the questions that were asked in the song “Someday we’ll know”? In 500 words.

So yeah! That’s it. This is Jo-Anna signing off. Have a good blog and a good life!

[davedimartino]

NEW THIS WEEK 11.25.08

It's a sure thing that the albums released this week--the week of Thanksgiving and its accompanying "Black Friday" of massive consumer consumption--are probably intended to sell by the boatload!

And just take a look at these names! Guns N' Roses, Kanye West, the Killers, Paul McCartney--these are all artists used to massive commercial success!

Luckily, because the music business is better than ever--and because today's hot artists are only concerned with making art instead of money--all these new records are great!

But just for fun, and to keep things from getting too boring, let's pretend they're not!

 Guns N' Roses: Chinese Democracy (Geffen) It would probably be rude of me to mention that I've never been a fan of Guns N' Roses and always considered them horrendously derivative, howlingly obnoxious, and frightfully more famous than God ever intended them to be! Likewise, this much-discussed album has been as "long awaited" at my house as my 2010 tax bill! Upon finally hearing it, I have decided that Chinese Democracy is about as good as any of Guns N' Roses' other albums: bloated, screechy, aimless, reminiscent of concept albums released by the Scorpions and Lucifer's Friend in the mid-'70s, and way, way, way, too long! In short, I am completely taken with Axl Rose's current hairstyle and would like to emulate him at every opportunity!

Kanye West: 808s & Heartbreak (Def Jam) Holy smokes! Isn't this the voice of this generation? How come he sounds like a robot? And doesn't he want to be Elvis Presley or something? Elvis Presley never sounded like a robot! All I know is, I've been forced to watch this nuthead on TV way too many times lately, and 1) He's trying to sing, 2) He can't sing, 3) None of his friends want to upset the gravy train and tell him he can't sing, 4) His album cover looks it's got a picture of a great big, deflated birth-control related item on its cover, 5) And the absolute worst track, "It's Amazing," features the dude proclaiming "my reign is as far as your eyes can see!" No offense, Kanye, but at the moment I'm staring at my jam-packed garbage can wondering whether I can toss an empty can of Diet Coke in it without it bouncing out! It's your best album ever, babe!

The Killers: Day & Age (Island) Considering how low my expectations were for this once sort of interesting band--they lost me with that bogus Springsteen stuff last time out--I'm inclined to say this actually isn't too bad! Unfortunately for them, by mere chance I was watching TV a few weeks ago and saw them playing their new song "Human" and decided that I've never ever seen a lead singer who looked more self-conscious onstage singing! To ease my discomfort, I focused on the song's lyrics, and heard the following passage, repeated frequently: "Are we human or are we dancer?" Well, if we're allowed to vote, I’m human, your bandmates are Donner, Dasher and Blitzen, and your nose is looking pretty red, hot stuff!  In short: A total return to glory!

 Ludacris: Theater Of The Mind (Disturbing Tha Peace/Def Jam) As rap dudes go, I’m inclined to like Ludacris--mostly because he's got a sense of humor! Plus, it must've been weird growing up with that name! A fervent follower of President Bush's Mandatory Guest Star Act, the man's brought on a wealth of visiting talent here, including The Game, T-Pain, Chris Brown, T.I., and--according to the expert testimony of Wikipedia--has also collaborated with Good Charlotte, my personal dream! Ever the helpful artist, Ludacris designed his first single--"What Them Girls Like"--as a superb primer for young teen males aching to ask their dream dates to the prom! In the words of my mother: This album is like heaven in a pair of wooden shoes!  

 Barry Manilow: The Greatest Songs Of The Eighties (Arista) Probably the best album seeing release this week, superstar Manilow's latest effort "Manilowizes" an awesome array of hits by the likes of Journey, Rick Astley, Wham!, Phil Collins, Stevie Wonder, Kenny Rogers and other similar artists, and it's fantastic!  Not to get too technical, but if you accept Manilow's vocalizing as a sort of mathematical function, and apply it to almost anything you've heard before, overall song quality is geometrically increased by virtue of the song being sung! And between you and me, when I hear him singing Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up," I get goose bumps!

 David Byrne & Brian Eno: Everything That Happens Will Happen Today (Todo Mundo) Ever the wiseguys, old pals Byrne and Eno have put together a fascinating album that due to its independent distribution model, may actually make them more money than that garnered many of today's better-known artists, who remain tethered to the remaining major record labels and are suffering accordingly! The downside? This record is, in the tradition of their past work, complex, thoughtful, mature and actually good! So where's the market for that, clownheads? Also: something happened last week, so your album title is wrong, dudes!

 Tom Jones: 24 Hours (S-Curve) Any week I can write about new records by both Barry Manilow and Tom Jones is a great one! The legendary Welsh vocalist returns with his first new album in 15 years, and it's thoroughly contemporary sounding despite featuring songs by Bruce Springsteen and Tommy James…and a guest appearance by Bono and The Edge! Jones' voice remains a powerful instrument, and most refreshingly, of the many virtues here, "camp value" is very low on the list!  The only thing missing? Kanye West chanting "it's amazing" via auto-tune on every track! Maybe next time!

 Tommy James: 40th Anniversary Singles Collection (Collector's Choice) While we're on the subject of artists deemed hip enough for Tom Jones to cover--though Jones' choice "I'm Alive" isn’t represented on this completely fab 2-CD set, the song's original flipside, "Crystal Blue Persuasion," is here among 47 other great pop tunes!  Containing music spanning the years 1962 through 2006, this collection essentially makes the definitive case that James' output through the years has been both substantial and, for the most part, overlooked by authoritative rock critics worldwide! Sort of like Fall Out Boy, but even better!

 The Fireman: Electric Arguments (MPL/ATO)  The best thing about being a world-famous international moneymaker--well, OK, maybe the second-best thing--is that you can do anything you want and it's OK! Luckily, former Beatle Paul McCartney has never lost interest in making music, and with the resurfacing of this "side project"--his third studio album with former Killing Joke dude Youth--the sense of informal experimentalism that made his first two solo albums so interesting is back and more accessible than ever! Critics agree: Actually more interesting than his last solo album, Electric Arguments is arguably a shocker! Buy it today!

 Scott Weiland: Happy In Galoshes (Softdrive) This album title puzzled me until I saw him introduce Pink on the American Music Awards! See, he didn't really step in anything!