#small steps are better than no steps
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#you're doing better than you think#doing your best#showing up#you will get through this#you will be okay#doing the work#healing#recovery#growth#self compassion#honor your progress#give yourself credit#give yourself a pat on the back#self compassion and accountability can and must coexist#forward is forward#baby steps#small steps are better than no steps#half-assed is better than no-assed#the messy middle#trusting yourself#progress
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So much to study so little time
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Been trying to get into the habit of saying, "It's not perfect, but it's better than it was" when I make small step improvements to things, rather than shaming myself for not having the energy to do everything all at once
#it's not perfect but it's better than it was#only had the energy to do the dishes and not scrub the counters? still better than nothing#could only clean one room before the pain got bad? that's still one more clean room#only took out the garbage but the recycling had to wait? hey at least the garbage is gone#small steps is still forward progress#trying to be gentler with myself#life of faye#positive#good thoughts
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ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page
#delete later#deleting soon bc eyes on me#for those of you who kept asking about Something last year LOLLL#sorry this is too entry level vent comic ykwim i jst needed to get it out#im over it in the sense that like ok yeah whatever#but not in the sense that i came out worse than before. i was already Small. ive been further Smallened#i was a rebound and lied to and discarded...which thank god i was Set Free but wow!#all my personal fears reinforced. it is embarrassing for me to want and need...i get it neow. i was a stepping stone i am an npc#idk that i could do it again! im not sure its worth trying i am too much of a...project.#as i was told from day 1 but still ran directly into it#and i was too much of a coward to leave myself. if it happened again i wouldnt be able to leave then either.#im happy that i dont think it could get much worse than all that for my first experience but it was also exhausting#and weirdly at the same time i dont think i cld ever expect better#its almost been a year since its been Done and the words and treatment linger <3#this is also why i had to enlist talon as imaginary bf number 2 LOL need extra reinforcement and love#cringe as fuck but it rly will never be as good as whats in my brain...i know that neow. i will spare everyone the trouble#and remove myself from the dating pool (<- implying he was ever even in it)#i dont even hold any ill will toward em bc they were right...its just hurts ykwim
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It was quite worrying walking down the main shopping streets of my city during pride and seeing that barely any of them have any pride flags or anything in the window. Rainbow capitalism will not save us but it is so unnerving when even last year most shops had some kind of bunting in the window and this year it was only three or four. Like idk it feels emblematic of a worsening or idk souring attitude towards queer people that is definitely influenced by rampant transphobia in the uk. Which is why it’s so upsetting when cis queer people join in on transphobia in hopes of distancing themselves from the current social and political undesirability of transness.
#idk idk it just makes me nervous when businesses won’t even trot out a bit of rainbow bunting for one day#like I don’t need McDonald’s to pretend to love gay people but it really does feel like showing support of lgbt people is now seen as a#liability rather than profitable#and I think that that’s ultimately a step back?#idk there’s been a lot of Christian proselytising in town that has been really like gathering audiences and engaging people when most people#used to ignore it and walk right past it and it all just feels a little bit scary#when i say Christian proselytising i mean explicitly homophobic Christian proselytising#which also just sucks to have to hear on your way to work.#I’m a fucking person not a sign of the end times#anyway I had a good time and my city’s pride is quite small and very sweet and it was a good day but like. uh oh.#this has all been said before and better by other people
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Pleased to announce today I have:
-Stopped doomscrolling
-Prepped and am about to mail some shop orders + go for a walk
I have yet to:
-Send a slightly scary email (its not actually scary but those that know know)
-do three other things I've been putting off
#WE MAKING SMALL STEPS#BUT WE GET THERE#and its only 2pm#and its actually WIP wednesday so I should post a treat for you all#mayhaps after my walk#my stupid little walk for my stupid little mental health#shy talks#not art#WHOEVER BOUGHT AN AT MY LIMIT STICKER: THANK YOU#I gotta do a supply run to get more envelopes and mailers cause I've run out AAUGH#my little shop has done way better than I ever thought it would
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me yesterday, cleaning the shower after doing a large amount of ingredient prep: I understand the consequences of my actions!
me up all night and now walking around like an ancient crone and dropping everything because of swollen hands, agonising back and bad brain: you didn’t understand shit
#chronic illness tag#chronic pain tag#you think you just need to sleep because you’ll be atire but you always forget the post exertion insomnia#aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!#I have hydro on thursday so if I can rest up toll then it will fix me (and then I’ll be tired again)#the plus side is that dinner last night was fucking delicious and also I’m one step closer to making icecream#and I have a clean shower!#also the shower cleaning device I got from daiso was really really good for cleaning and my small shower stall is so much better than the#other thing I was in before that was monstrous to clean for several reasons#so there is light in the dark#:)
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i dont get hpw people can make jokes about biden being shitty right now, when its nearly guaranteed that its either him or trump who will be president.... and trump becomimg president again is just.... horrifying? like legitimately really fucking scary????? im terrified thinking about biden not doing well, not because i like biden (i do not) but because the other option is basically. a nuclear bomb.
its all fun and games until we have no one who can get enough votes or power to go up against trumps corruption. and im so fucking afraid of how we'll joke ourselves right into our graves
#ditto rambles#literally how can anyone shit on biden right now without grasping what this might mean for the big picture#this isnt something you can 'abstain from' to make better#its literally one or the other#and trump will fucking kill so many more innocents than biden ON PURPOSE#biden is an idiot old moderate geezer#trump is a raging misogynistic racist nazi asshole who wants everyone not rich and white DEAD#HES A FUCKING VIOLENT/ABUSUVR RAPIST CON-ARTIST#HES LITERALLY A MONSTER#CAN WE FOCUS ON HOW BIDEN NOT DOING WELL IS FUCKING BAD IN THAT REGARD?????#CAN... CAN WE JUST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT 'NOT VOTING' WILL NOT FIX FUCKING ANYTHING????#IF TRUMP BECOMES PRES AGAIN...#EVERYTHING WILL GET A THOUSAND TIMES WORSE#A SMALL STEP FORWARD IS LIGHT YEARS BETTER THAN A GIANT LEAP BACKWARDS#PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED WITH HILLARY CLINTON AND *LEARN*#IF YOU'RE NOT ACTIVELY DOING ANYTHING TO REACH CHANGE THAN I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR 'DONT VOTE' FROM YOU#IF YOU DONT VOTE YOU WILL HAVE INNOCENT BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS#WE WILL NEVER MOVE FORWARD UNTIL WE CAN RECOGNIZE THAT#PLEADE PLEASE PLEASE IM SO SCARED#WE LOST ROE V WADE AND SO MANY OTHER IMPORTANT BATTLES#THE WORLD IS ON FIRE#STOP MAKING JOKES AND *DO SOMETHING*#sorry im just.... i dont wanna relive 2016#and watching the votes roll in#and knowing it wasn't enough#CANT YOU SEE HOW WE HAVE TO FIGHT EVERY BATTLE???? NOT JUST THE ONES WE LIKE????
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it’s the way a lot of my ask memes could be done a lot sooner but i keep accidentally starting beyond beef with people who i presume are going to try and grief me,
( aka uncle nina in her angry girl jerseykyle scare-ra )
#nina speaks#this is so unserious but i am oddly passionate abt ravenstan being tall; i could write essays abt my willowy king ( and i did )#WHICH YES HE IS I DONT WANNA HEAR IT lalALAlAlAAA#THE DOCS GIVE HIM A 1.5 INCH BOOST N HE IS SO NICE LIKE THEY MAKE HIM A LIL TALLER THAN CLYDE AND HE /SLOUCHES/ FOR HIM#TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER LIKE DO U KNOW HOW TALL JERSEY WAS BEFORE THE GROWTH SPURT???? HMM?????#IT MIGHT SURPRISE YOU#RS HOWEVER HAS ALWAYS BEEN TALL#LIKE DO U KNOW HOW TALL I WOULD BE AS A TRANSMAN#FIVE ONE#DO U KNOW HOW TALL SHARON AND SHELLEY WERE#LIKE FIVE TWO AND THREE#AND RANDY IS FIVE TEN#BUT BAEVEN IS STILL HALF AN INCH TALLER THAN HIM#GET FUCKED RANCID LIKE NOT ONLY IS /MY/ SON TALLER THAN U HE IS ALSO HOTTER THAN U AND WOULD HAVE BEEN IN BOTH GENDERS#GET STEPPED ON BITCH ITS ALWAYS FLAT FUCK FRIDAY#UNDER RAVENSTANS BLOOD MOON RED DOC MARTENS#( thank u to rs abuelito for being Very Tall )#¡eSCAAALEERAAA!#this rant is sponsored by the post i keep not finishing#abt rs being a casual small town supermodel#at eleven in southpark and bein the talk of the town#no matter how ugly or slouchy and messy he dresses#like will y’all leave my beautiful leggy son alone#like goddamn i know he is actually an angel#and heartstoppingly gobsmackingly Beautiful#BUT HES A PACIFIST HE JUST WANTS SOME DAMN PEACE#LET HIM LIVE HE HAS DIED FOR UR SINS ENOUGH#let my boy be pretty in peace and DAMN QUIET#but no he is tall u have to fight me i am not a pacifist i'll pull hair and he is very humble abt his height UNLIKE JK#jers is so unhumble about being tall he is so annoying about it he will wave things over ur head n go...Oh? Can't Reach? Pity. :)
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the nothing in between
Summary:
"It didn’t feel like a dreamless slumber nor the darkness behind closed eyelids. There was no darkness, the same way there was no light. The time itself ceased to exists for eternities at a time. Mostly, there was nothing." - - - or the one in which Wei Wuxian spent thirteen years dead, and got to talk about it in the safety of Lan Zhan's arms.
#mdzs#mdzs fanfiction#wei wuxian#lan zhan#wei ying#lan wangji#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#I did end up posting that small fanfic I'd written#it's my first time posting fanfiction on ao3#it's scarier than it has any reason to be#it's been years since I let anyone see my writing!#but if I wish to get back to writing#I will have to let others see it#and what is a better first step than a self-indulgent small story with my beloved characters?#my writing
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It’s slightly lopsided, and based on a really blurry screenshot, but I tried my hand at bookbinding because I was bored and it eventually turned into this. It’s based on rune’s flight journal, it’s not like 100% correct because the wings are slightly different and I just took a guess at the words on the front, but it’s based on that.
It’s not my best, but I am really happy with how it turned out
#bound smp#this took an entire day#I had the dentist in the morning and my face was completely numb so I did this whilst I waited for my face to un-numb#I’ve only ever made small books so this was like a big step#it also looks so much better than my smaller books#bookbinding
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Aaaaaaaaah I’m SO happy at my new job so far! The park director loaded me up in her truck at one point and took an hour to just drive around and show me all of the nooks and crannies of the park, all the campsites, the trails, etc. I saw an owl taking up residence in an oversized birdhouse, and on the drive back up to the office, an adult bald eagle flew right over us! It was incredible.
The hours are gonna be a lot more consistent too! The park office is only open eight hours so I’ll be working open to close every day I work. Which means I have to learn to get to sleep earlier and stay asleep longer because I’ll now be having to get up at 6:30 every morning… 😭 But for everything I experienced today, and the promise of getting to do and learn even more? Worth it. SO worth it.
#I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to take a pay cut#I’m making a lot less than I was at walmart but I’m still making enough to survive on easily#and I just FEEL like I belong already#by the end of the day I was chatting it up with everyone and they treated me like they’d known me for years on end#it’s small and serene and relaxed and… and dammit it’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a job#I know better than to assume it’ll all be sunshine and roses! but given I’m finally working a dream job in tourism after years of retail?#and especially given how my job at walmart destroyed my mental health to the point of affecting my PHYSICAL health too?#this is. this is one hell of a step up 🥹#peaches screams into the void
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You gotta also celebrate the miniscule wins tbh
#thinking ab going barefaced but in the end didn't like that i still had redness left#so this time it's just minimal make-up which is def a step forward but it's still a very small step#but it's fine at least that means in a few days i can ditch make up for a while again bc it seems i only have redness left for now#turns out there's no better skincare product than antibiotic cream /lh
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i’ve been trying to cook more and eat better
#sun chatters#food#i’ve been packing my lunch a ton and doing so much better than i was#i used to think it was useless to waste my spoons on it#but i’ve found that cooking and prepping food kind of scratches that creative itch#even when i have writers block this is something so simple#and it means i have lots of leftovers for my hard days#so instead of eating fast food or not eating at all#i have fresh leftover fruit and stir fry and etc etc#idk it’s a small step to yall im sure but. its been such a journey to get here after so much work figuring out safe foods
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have just been introduced to a kitten named rascal who lives on my floor and whose babysitters (who are not his owner?) were trying Really hard to goad me into adopting which like. he's a little baby and he's so so so silly and he barely even bit me but like also. this cat isn't yours???? anyway if the owner's giving him up then I might finally have a cat which like AHHHHHG
#i wanna cat SO BADD#but also i dont think this is the best environment to have ANY non-tank pet tbqh#and i dont wanna have to give him away if my housing situation changes bc my parents house wouldnt work#(one of our dogs has a pretty strong prey drive and i dont wanna risk it)#also the poor guy seems a bit skittish and i think the 2 big dogs would scare him#and then there's the 'is he my cat or your cat' thing w my roommate#i think the answer would be hes my cat bc shes more ambivalent but she can actually take him home so like#and ive pretty much been banking on going home after college anyway so like??? in the long term where would he go???#but also my dogs are getting older.. maybe by then they'll be gone and that problem'll go away#but hell my room there's bigger than my dorm room so even if we kept him in there it'd be a better space than here#it'd be a step up#ugh idk. i think it's a bad idea to have a cat in rooms this small in general. but i don't wanna see him go to a shelter either#like he's young and cute so maybe it'll be easier for him but he's also not super cuddly with strangers as far as i can tell#idk... im worried about him.... poor little rascal#like one of the girls mentioned being mean to him and i dont want him to be mistreated#like shining lights in his face and stuff#idk... sigh......#im considering transferring schools at some point. worst case scenario is i go somewhere they dont allow pets and i have to#either find a foster parent or give him away completely#but i really dont wanna have to do that if i can help it. i never want to put a pet that loves and depends on me in a situation like that#much less me like id bawl my ass off#but if theyre treating him bad then even if my situation isnt perfect wouldnt taking him in be in the right anyway?#but how long does that stand for? until i can find him a better home? ughh
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i paid off a card that went to collections 🎉
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