#slightly unsympathetic Virgil

[part-time-zombie]

Favorite Child

pairings: prinxiety

summary: roman starts getting the feeling that the other sides don't value his ideas anymore, and when he sees them favoring remus over him he fears the worst and assumes he's been replaced.

tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, angst with a happy ending, abandonment issues, patton logan and janus are kind of unsympathetic in this one, remus is just happy to be here lol

word count: 5668

Roman loved his brother. Really, he did. Even though they didn’t really have anything in common and Remus always found a way to make trouble and usually hurt him in the process, he still cared about him because deep down, they were family.

It didn’t mean he had to be happy about Remus replacing him.

Ever since Patton had realized how strict had was being on Thomas, he had worked on unlearning some of his more hurtful ideals, starting with the idea of some sides being “bad”. Janus and Remus were showing up a lot more lately, and while it wasn’t exactly easy to get along with them most of the time, Roman tried to at least be civil. That’s what Patton wanted, and if Roman cooperated then maybe things would work out.

At least that’s what he told himself.

He knew the damage was already done, though. He was rude to Virgil and a bully to Logan even after everyone told him to stop. He trusted Janus when everyone told him not to and shunned him once everyone decided he was reliable. No matter what he did or what he said, it always seemed to be the wrong thing.

He still tried, though. Every day he worked harder to be better, to do more, both for Thomas and for the other sides. Sometimes the others noticed, but most of the time they didn’t. Lately it was almost like whatever he did would only make things worse instead.

At least he could still live up to his function, though. He was pride and passion and above all, creativity. Thomas would still need him for videos, if nothing else. He just had to prove it with a show-stopping idea for this next project and they’d appreciate him again.

After several sleepless nights of brainstorming and revision, Roman had come up with a perfect video idea, one that was bound to restore his usefulness and his importance to the group. It was inventive, entertaining, and best of all original enough to garner plenty of praise, both from the sides and from the viewers that would no doubt love the video. He had been up all night and was desperate for some proper sleep, but that could wait. He was ready to share this with them first. He’d show them the work he’s done, and they’d be so impressed by what he had accomplished that they’d likely congratulate his work for the rest of the week. An armful of papers in hand, Roman descended the stairs with a triumphant smile on his face, ready to share his plans with the others.

Only to see Patton too busy making breakfast with Remus to even look at him.

Remus at least noticed him, waving him over to the kitchen with an eager grin. Patton finally glanced up in response and gave Roman a cheery smile.

“Hey there, kiddo! You’re up early today.”

Technically he was up late, seeing as he hadn’t slept yet, but he wasn’t about to point that out. He strolled over to them, letting his enthusiasm for his work take over.

“Yes, well, I was just too excited to share this new video idea with everyone,” he explained, gesturing to the stack of notes in his hands. “I think it’s some of my finest work.”

"Sounds neat, I’m sure Logan will be happy to read it after breakfast,” Patton replied.

“Speaking of, what will we be having this morning anyway?”

Remus gave him a devilish smile from where he stood by the stove. “The unborn.”

Patton's smile faltered for a moment, as did Roman's appetite.

“He means eggs,” he explained with a slightly forced chuckle before brightening again. “Scrambled, in this case. Hey, did you know he’s actually a pretty good cook?”

There were many things Roman knew Remus as. Violent, demented, mischievous, gross and even a little scary sometimes. A cook, let alone a good one? Absolutely not.

“I thought he was only really capable of burning water,” Roman joked.

Remus gave him a look over Patton's shoulder.

“He’s honestly been pretty helpful in the kitchen this morning,” Patton began. “Turns out he knows a lot about what tastes bad or what’s unsafe to make. It’s been pretty eye opening for me. Plus, we’ve just been having a blast hanging out together. He beats me to the punchline with almost every joke I’ve told him!”

Roman felt something stirring around in his insides. Patton actually liked hanging out with Remus? More than him? It couldn’t be right, something had to be going on.

Remus whispered something to Patton, who reacted with barely contained laughter.

"What’s so funny?”

"Oh, it’s nothing, you wouldn’t really get it.” Patton replied, still chuckling.

Were they making inside jokes now? Ones that looked to be at his expense no less?

Logan came downstairs before Roman could interrogate further, silently walking past him and preparing himself a pot of coffee without even raising an eyebrow at the sight of Remus and Patton teaming up over an open stove. Almost like this was normal to him.

Patton finished the last of the eggs as he started a conversation with Logan, neither of them even looking over at Roman.

“See? Patton likes my food,” Remus said, leaning over the counter with a victorious grin on his face. “And at least I’m laughing at his puns, unlike some folks around here. One would almost say we’re becoming friends now, how neat it that?”

That’s not exactly the word Roman would use. “What is your scheme here, exactly?”

Remus dropped his smile in an instant. “No scheme, just two buds having a grand old time together. You got a problem with that?”

"What’s he got a problem with now?” Janus groaned, lazily slinking his way into the kitchen and joining Logan in line for coffee.

“Whatever it is, I want no part in it,” Logan answered, not looking up from the pot.

Remus barked out a laugh at that before returning to Patton's side, dutifully helping him in setting up the table. In all honesty, the food looked decent. Well, it looked that way. Who knows how it would taste, or what Remus would have put in it even with Patton's supervision. The others didn’t seem to notice or care, already commenting on the pleasant smell and taking their seats, with Remus smiling as he joined them.

“Aren’t you gonna join us, kiddo?” Patton asked, already digging into his eggs.

“And risk food poisoning from Remus’ cooking? I don’t think so,” he replied. How could everyone else be so nonchalant about this? Remus could have done something to the food or tampered with it in some other way. Why did no one seem to really care, or even mind that he was sitting there with them at all? Had they all accepted him already?

“There’s no need to be rude,” Logan chided. “It’s not like we can get sick, anyway.”

“How about injured,” Roman corrected. “Need I remind you of the countless injuries he’s given me over the years?”

"Oh right, thanks for reminding me,” Janus snarked. “It’s not like I don’t smile to myself at the memories every day.”

Logan snickered in response, feebly hiding it behind another bite of food. What’s so funny about his misfortune? Surely Logan doesn’t hate him that badly, right?

"Now, Janus, be nice,” Patton scolded. Well, scolded was a rather severe word for verbally slapping him on the wrist with a feather. Janus only rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, do you want to take a seat regardless, Roman? Or would you rather continue to lurk there while the rest of us eat?” Logan asked.

Right. Roman had been standing there by the counter for a while now, still holding his gaggle of notes no less. Well, no better time than the present, he supposed.

“Actually, I was hoping you’d look this over real quick, if you don’t mind,” he started, moving to stand beside Logan. He set the stack of notes on the table with a resounding thud, beaming with pride at the level of work he had put into his idea.

No one else seemed to share his enthusiasm. Janus looked at the pages in disgust, while Patton and Remus strained to reach for more food over the mountain of paper. Logan looked like he wished he was drinking wine instead of coffee.

“I’ve put a lot of work behind it, I think it’ll be one of my best ideas yet,” he added, trying his best to win the others over.

“Roman, as much as I appreciate your commitment to this project, I don’t think you need to worry about it that much,” Logan offered. “In all honesty, these notes look like a mess, and it’ll take us all far too long to make any sense of them.”

Roman felt like he had been punched in the chest. He didn’t like it? How could he not like it, he hadn’t even tried to read it yet. “But I… it’s not… I spent a lot of time on it, you couldn’t at least just look at it?”

“Why don’t you try to get all of this organized first, and then I’ll see what I think about it later.” Logan gave him an almost sympathetic look, one only made ironic considering how coldly he had turned Roman down. “You should join us for some breakfast first, though. I’d rather you work on a full stomach then let you go the whole day without eating.”

Roman could only shake his head before recollecting his notes, his heart pounding in his ears. “It’s okay, I need to get this worked out. Don’t worry about it.”

He passed Virgil by the stairs, hardly registering the odd look he gave him. He ought to warn Virgil about who made the food, but by the time the thought had come to him, he had already fully made it back up the stairs. He only hoped it didn’t make Virgil too sick. Then again, everyone else seemed to like it. In fact, they were all almost happier around Remus than Roman. Had he done something wrong? Were they just messing with him? That had to be it. Why else would Patton choose to spend that much time around Remus.

It’s not like they all liked him better, right?

Noon came and went before Roman returned downstairs. He had spent the last several hours revising and significantly downsizing his paperwork, securing what was left in a single three ring binder with organized notes and an easy-to-read format. Surely this would satisfy Logan's standards, even if most of the passion he had built it on had been taken out in the name of structure and peer approval.

Plastering a confident grin on his face that only mostly masked the blows to his ego he had endured earlier, Roman made his way to the living room once more to talk shop.

Logan was chatting with Janus over a bottle of wine and some paperwork, too preoccupied to notice him. Roman loudly cleared his throat, forcing them to bring their chat to a halt as they looked at him with matching scowls.

"Must you?” Logan groaned.

“But it’s important.”

“How can it be important when it’s coming from you?” Janus muttered, much to Logan's amusement. Roman tried to ignore him.

"I just wanted to let you know that I finished revising my work from earlier, and if you’re ready to talk it over with me I’d love to work on next steps.”

Logan blinked, a neutral expression on his face. “Ah. What might those next steps be, since you’re so prepared for this?”

Roman felt his smile start to slip. He can’t already be losing the battle. “Well, we could get a schedule mapped out or at least get everyone else’s approval on this next video. If things go smoothly, we could have this out before the end of the week!”

Logan nodded, lost in thought. “I see. The thing is, Roman, we had already talked about video ideas while you were absent.”

Roman painfully tightened his grip on the binder. “You did? When? With who?”

"Over breakfast. Remus gave us some interesting ideas and I think we plan on going with his for this next video. If you had decided to stick around instead of leaving, you could have been a part of the discussion and added your own points.”

“I must say, it was a relief not to have you there, though,” Janus added.

Roman couldn’t believe this. Logan had told him to tidy up his notes before he would look at them, and now it’s his fault he wasn’t there when they all decided to talk about work without him? How was that fair? How was any of this fair at all?

“And everyone’s in favor of his idea?”

“It’s in need of some work, and we’ll have to plan out the finer details, but I do think it’ll be a successful video. At the very least, it’ll be something new to try out.” Logan added.

Something new. That’s what they were looking for? An original idea? Roman had dedicated his time to nothing else, and they don’t even want it from him?

“But what about my idea?”

“I’m sure it’s good, but- “

“You can’t say that when you haven’t even looked at it,” he snapped. “You said you’d read it, but you jumped on Remus’ idea without hesitating. I worked so hard on this, and you want nothing to do with it. What’s so special about his ideas that make them better?”

“Roman, please,” Logan said, fixing him a stern glare. “Remus is just as much a part of Thomas’ creativity as you are. It would be foolish to not include him in discussions about ideas. We can’t only rely on you for everything Thomas comes up with, now, can we?”

Janus failed to hide his smirk behind his wine glass, and Roman almost went over to him and gave him another bitch slap. Almost.

“I’ll look at your ideas later Roman, alright? Let me just figure out the logistics of Remus’ first.” Logan said with a sigh, already returning his attention to his notebook.

Janus gave him a knowing look. Liar.

Roman threw the binder on the coffee table with a huff before storming back upstairs, not even bothering to hide his annoyance. So what if Logan liked Remus’ idea better? It didn’t have to mean anything. It was a fluke, a one-time incident. This wasn’t going to be a new norm. It just wasn’t. Roman hadn’t failed yet, he can’t afford to.

It was late into the evening by the time Roman felt like he could leave his room again. Dinner already came and went, but he hadn’t bothered to join them. Odds are Remus had a hand (or tentacle) in preparing it just like he did breakfast. While the thought made his stomach turn, he was still hungry, and hopefully there would still be something salvageable for him to scavenge from the fridge for a late snack.

Roman descended the stairs quietly, no longer caring to put up anymore false bravado after the day he’s had. His lack of a boisterous entrance meant the two sides still in the living room had yet to notice him. Then again, it seemed Virgil and Remus were far too engrossed in their video game to notice anything right now, both of them staring determinedly at the screen as they sat cross-legged on the floor, controllers clenched tightly in intense death grips from the both of them.

Curious, Roman took a moment to watch what they were playing. It seemed to be some intense horror game, and despite the frightening monster they were trying to outrun, they both looked thrilled by the experience.

Virgil finally saw Roman standing rather awkwardly by the stairs and jumped in surprise. The screen flashed red with a banner of defeat as the character he was playing died, and Remus let out a riotous laugh at the whole ordeal.

“Geez, Roman, way to give a guy a heart attack,” Virgil chided, one hand clutching his chest. “And thanks for making me die, I was just about to beat that round!”

“No you weren’t, you’ve been eating shit for like an hour now,” Remus teased.

“Yeah, well I don’t see you getting any farther in this game yourself.”

Roman watched as they exchanged this bout of banter. Virgil was… having fun with Remus? Last he remembered, they didn’t exactly get along very well, didn’t they?

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” Roman started, still catching himself up to speed. “It looks like you’re having fun at least. Would I be able to join the next one?”

Virgil averted his eyes for a moment, almost looking guilty. “I mean, maybe, but I don’t think you’d like it, and Remus and I were planning on playing until we at least managed to beat this stage. We could do something later though, if you want.”

Right, later. Logan said he’d come back to him later too, and he never did.

"That’s alright, I’m sure you’d rather get back to your game. I’ll just grab myself something to eat and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

"Right, speaking of, what’s with you skipping meals all of a sudden? Too good to eat with us now?” Virgil asked, an inquisitive spark in his eye.

"No, I just didn’t feel like eating what had been made today.”

"Yeah, but you like eggs last I checked, and you weren’t here at all for dinner. How could you know you wouldn’t want it if you didn’t even show up?”

Roman tried not to let himself sound too defensive. “Well, can you blame me? I have no idea what passes for cooking in Remus’ book!”

"Hey now, All-Star,” Remus said, a hurt look on his face. “I’ve behaved myself all day, and everyone else helped with the food too! I didn’t do anything that was too ‘me’ believe it or not, and I even helped out with the next video!”

Roman felt his insides turn to ice. “You what?”

Remus’ face lit up with glee. “You’re goddamn right!” he said with a wide smile. “I came up with a few ideas earlier and Logan said he’d use them in the next video! I get to help with the creative process now, isn’t that awesome?”

Logan still picked Remus’ idea over his? He’d worked so hard on his plans, organizing and reworking so it would be worth Logan's time, and he didn’t even like it?

His eyes fell over to the coffee table, where his precious binder sat untouched and forgotten, a now cooling cup of tea resting atop it as if it were nothing more than a coaster. Of course Logan didn’t like it. He didn’t even read it.

So just like that he was rejected? Removed? All it took was one day for everyone to move on from him and favor the rest of creativity instead?

Remus’ voice cut through his thoughts. “You don’t have to look like the world is ending, bro. I’m finally being included in stuff, you oughta be happy for me at least a little!”

Roman blinked, coming back to himself a little. Virgil and Remus were staring back at him from their spots on the floor, the former looking slightly more concerned than the latter, who was currently rocking back and forth in excitement.

“I am happy for you,” he said, desperately trying to bury the tremble in his voice behind a smile that Remus seemed to appreciate. “This is big for you, and you deserve to celebrate it. I hope the video turns out well, do let me know when it gets posted.”

Roman headed back to his room before the situation could sour any further, all hunger and hope long forgotten. It was over. He had officially been replaced.

Roman shut the door behind himself before collapsing into his bed, too numb to hold himself upright. He knew he was being childish, and that all he was really doing was throwing a tantrum for no real reason, but he couldn’t help it. All his life he’s been valued, if not for his personality than at least for his function. He was a major part of Thomas’ life, acting as passion, pride, and creativity all at once. Even if he wasn’t a fan favorite anymore, he was still important enough to garner some level of appreciation. Maybe not now.

He was no idiot. He knew what the other sides thought of him. He was dramatic and obnoxious and self-centered; anyone could see it. A part of him had hoped they at least respected his role enough to forgive him for his mistakes, ones he’s worked on fixing. He thought that maybe he’d still have a part to play, that he’d be useful if not loved.

Guess he was wrong.

The second there was another source of creativity, they all jumped at the chance to choose it over Roman. All it took was one day, one off day for him, and he had already been completely replaced by his brother. At least the others were efficient.

He should congratulate Remus, really. After so long in the shadows, he finally got a chance to be listened to and involved in things, and Roman knows how much he wanted that. In truth, he was very happy for him, and will probably plan something to celebrate his acceptance and inclusion into the group; after all, he’s no spoilsport.

Then again, would anyone even want that from him? If he did plan a party, one dedicated solely to welcoming this new shift in dynamics, would it be something they’d even consider worthwhile? It wouldn’t have been about himself at all, so that would have to count for something. As Roman thought about it though, it probably wouldn’t count for very much. His ideas were overlooked without a second glance, even when they were only about work. What makes him think that something done for fun would earn any respect?

Remus took his place and he can’t even show the others he’s fine with it.

He should have seen this coming, honestly. With how much Patton was willing to welcome the dark sides into the family and the litany of mistakes Roman had made lately, most of which were directly to the detriment of the others, it would only make sense that everyone would want to get rid of him as soon as they had the chance. He wasn’t doing anyone any good anyway. Not even Thomas. Maybe it would be for everyone’s benefit if he just stopped butting in on things, if he let Remus take his seat at the table. Everyone seems to like him far more nowadays; they’d probably appreciate him being the new creativity.

It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt Roman to think about.

No more late-night brainstorming sessions with Logan, no more baking with Patton, no more video games with Virgil. They didn’t want him hanging around, and as much as it hurt, he still loved them all enough to respect their wishes. If they didn’t want him rigging the votes at movie nights, or even showing up to them at all, then who was he to argue?

He had it coming, really. He took them all for granted, and it’s only fair he reaps what he sowed. He only hoped Remus would be kinder to them than he was.

Roman didn’t know when he had dozed off, but the last thing he expected to wake up to was the sound of someone knocking at his door.

“Princey? You up?”

Roman didn’t know how to respond. Sure, he was awake, but he didn’t really want to be. Not if Virgil was coming in to remind him of his new place outside of the family.

The door opened slowly as Virgil peeked his head into the room, eyes finding his own in an instant. Roman sighed before turning on his side, his back to the door and to Virgil. He didn’t want to deal with this, not right now.

“You doing alright?”

How the hell was he supposed to reply to that one? Firstly, it ought to be obvious just by seeing him that he was more miserable and pathetic than a kicked puppy, and secondly, it would be nothing but selfish and rude for him to bitch and moan about how much it sucks that he’s not the favorite child anymore.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Hell no. If he started talking about this right now, he’d never stop. Not until he said the wrong thing and sealed his fate and guaranteed that no one would want anything to do with him for the rest of his life. As if that’s not already the case.

He heard Virgil let out a sigh, followed by the soft click of the door closing again, and Roman felt an unpleasant mix of relief and regret. Sure, he ought to be alone, but being lonely and knowing that this would be his fate forever? Anyone would want to hold onto a rare chance of company. He wouldn’t want to do that to Virgil, though. He wasn’t about to force him to stay if he doesn’t want to. Still, a part of himself ached knowing that this would likely be his last interaction with someone, and he didn’t even say a word or look at-

The bed dipped as Virgil sat down next to him, not quite touching but close enough for Roman to feel his presence. Close enough for him to tell that he wasn’t dreaming yet.

"If you want me to go I can, but something tells me you probably shouldn’t be alone like this,” he said, his voice a soothing melody for Roman to hold onto.

“Look, I didn’t mean to just brush you off like that earlier, okay? Remus really wanted to play that game with me, and I guess I got a little too wrapped into it and- “

“I’m not mad,” Roman interrupted, surprising himself with how watery and choked his voice sounded. God, he needed to get a grip. “You were having fun.”

"... okay, but even if you aren’t mad, you’re definitely upset. I get it if you don’t wanna talk about it, but you shouldn’t be suffering like this in your room all day either. I’m not the best at this sorta thing, but I can get Patton if you want.”

“No.”

Honestly, the last thing Roman wanted was for anyone else to see him like this, especially if that someone was Patton. He wanted to help Remus get accepted, he didn’t need to deal with Roman throwing a hissy fit over it.

Virgil was quiet for a moment, and Roman could only imagine the look on his face as he tried to think of what to do or say next.

“… is it about him?” he eventually asked.

Roman shook his head no, as best as he could when half his face was pressed against a pillow. It really wasn’t about Patton or Logan or even Remus. Roman just needed to grow up and get over it. This was his fault, and ultimately his problem to deal with.

“It’s nothing,” he muttered, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He hoped Virgil didn’t notice. He wouldn’t be able to handle it if he did. “It’s stupid.”

“Not if it’s got you this bent out of shape,” Virgil replied. “If it’s about the whole video thing, I’m sure your idea was a good one. Logan’s bound to use it for the next one.”

No he wasn’t. Not when Roman's project was already collecting dust in the living room and repurposed into a paperweight. Not when Remus had already replaced him. Roman screwed his eyes shut with a sob as the tears finally started to fall. How pathetic could he possibly get? Crying like a baby all because he couldn’t get his way. Maybe Janus was right about him. Maybe he was an unheroic evil twin after all.

“Oh, shit I didn’t mean to- I uh… look, don’t cry, okay?” Virgil stammered. “Shit, I’m really not good at this, uh… can I just start over here?”

Roman could hardly form words past the sobs that threatened to escape with every breath. Some prince he was, not even capable of comforting someone who was trying to comfort him first. Not like he deserved that kind of care in the first place.

“It’s… it’s fine” he blubbered, too embarrassed to look at Virgil. “He had the better idea, and everyone likes him more, and it’s not a problem, really. He’s better than me, he’s earned this. I get it. I’m not angry, I’m not.”

Virgil paused for a moment in surprise. “Wait, are you talking about Remus?”

“It’s okay, really. Logan likes his ideas better, and you two like the same things… I’m just overreacting. He’s creativity, too. He can do my job, probably better. It’s fine.”

Another pause. “… oh, buddy. You can’t really think… Roman, we’re not replacing you or anything. That’s not what’s going on here.”

Roman felt the bed shift next to him, and for a heart-stopping moment he was worried Virgil was leaving. Instead, he felt a cool but comforting hand on his shoulder, stroking gently before giving him a light squeeze.

“Roman, he’s not replacing you, okay? No one wants to do that to you, and even if they did, I’d never let that happen, you hear me? We all still want you around.”

The tears were flowing even harder now, and try as he might, Roman couldn’t get them to stop. Why was Virgil saying this? It was obvious that the others didn’t like him, he had been aware of it for a while now. Of course they’d want to be rid of him.

“Hey, don’t be upset, okay? Please, I really don’t know how to do this right. Uh, look, Patton still cares about you, and Logan needs you even if he acts like he doesn’t. They aren’t getting rid of you anytime soon, alright? I promise. I’m not letting you duck out that easy. Especially not now that we’re both friends.”

That made Roman finally look at him. Virgil was looking down at him with a soft but worried expression, his own eyes misting over.

“We’re friends?” he asked between sobs.

Virgil blinked rapidly; his face flushed. “I mean, I hope so. Is that okay?”

"But I was so mean to you, and I know Remus likes the same stuff you do and… “

"He’s also gross and goes out of his way to make me uncomfortable,” Virgil replied, a trace of snark returning to his voice. “Besides, we were both assholes before, but I like hanging out with you, and I’m not letting anyone dethrone your ass.”

Roman laughed despite himself, wiping away a few stray tears before sitting back up next to Virgil. “Just because you’ve looked past it doesn’t mean everyone else has. I know I messed up. I’m still messing up, no matter how hard I try to get things right. They have every reason to like Remus more. I’m happy for him getting to be the one coming up with videos now. I’m sure he’ll do a much better job at it than me anyway.”

Virgil gave him that same soft look from earlier before taking Roman's hand in his own, gently running his thumb over the skin in a calming pattern.

“This isn’t forever,” he whispered. “You always come up with the best ideas, and you’ll still be a part of the process no matter what. You’re also allowed to get pissed off about this if you want to be. It sucks, you can let it suck.”

“I’m not mad at anyone, just… “

“Disappointed?”

Roman nodded, feeling the lump in his throat returning. “In myself, I suppose.”

“Why?”

“I shouldn’t be this worked up over it. They’re allowed to like his ideas more than mine, and he’s allowed to be a part of things too. I don’t hate him for that.”

“Well, yeah, but if you work really hard on something only to get the cold shoulder out of nowhere, it’s only fair to get upset about it.”

A fresh batch of tears started welling up, and this time Roman was less pressed to wipe them away. A quiet whimper escaped as the tears started to fall, and Virgil brought a hand up to delicately cup his face, his thumb smoothing the tears away with more care and kindness than Roman had ever seen from him, and he found himself leaning into the touch.

"Keep that up and you’ll get me crying next,” he teased, though Roman could still spot the telltale shine of unshed tears all the same. “Seriously though, you’re okay. You are not getting replaced; not now, not ever. We all still love you. I know I do.”

Roman couldn’t tell if he sobbed or gasped, but he didn’t care to focus on that. If what Virgil said was true, and the furious blush in his cheeks suggested it was, then Roman would have to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming all over again. Virgil was actually confessing to having feelings for him, that he liked him back, and Roman wasn’t about to let anything else distract from it.

“I love you too,” he whispered, watching as Virgil's face filled with hope and surprised disbelief as his words sank in. “And thank you. I think I needed to hear that.”

"I think so too,” Virgil replied, a glint of mirth twinkling in his eyes. “Do you want in on the next game when you’re feeling better? Remus bet he could survive longer than you.”

Roman smiled, the first authentic one he made all day. “I thought you’d never ask.”

@lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie @nico-the-overlord @rougeside4 @britt-ish123 @keitaisghost @new-zee-land @can-i-take-a-stab @yuckpuppie

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Hero

found u on AO3 and loved u immediately, your writing style is incredible and i’ve binged all your stories :) crack request popped into my mind the other day and i thought i’d share—> the pinocchio phenomenon about “my nose will grow” (i’m sure you’re familiar) except for its the sides (prob logan bc experiment) trying it on janus- “janus will be summoned” or something to that effect idk ily please never stop writing <3 – bumblebea2712

Okay, so I've been thinking about something for a while. In your fic, Silver Box, where Roman has that box labeled 'Ego' with all the positive reinforcement in it? What if one of the things that gets whispered from it is when c!Thomas told Roman "you're my hero"? Like, especially with the angst from POF/SvS Redux. Thinking about how Roman misinterpret Janus' nod as 'Thomas is lying' when he actually meant that Thomas was still the truth when calling Roman his hero again. I wanna see Janus trying to correct him and be like "that nod meant he was telling the truth, he still thinks of you as his hero, he still cares about you", etc. Just some Roman, Janus, and c!Thomas angst all bundled up with hurt/comfort. I have THOUGHTS, and so I wanted to share :3 – oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat

If you're up to requests rn, could we have a Sanders Sides fic where Thomas himself is actually present maybe? – anon

Hey, would you be interested in perhaps writing a story where Logan assumes Roman is stupid because he isn’t articulate, and one day Roman has enough and is trying so hard to explain to Logan why he’s wrong but he doesn’t know the right way to phrase things so he just ends up getting more and more upset while Logan isn’t listening? – anon

Hey! I love your work (I’m definitely a Roman angst enjoyer 😅, but all of it’s good!!). If you’re open to requests, I was thinking about the control that Patton has over Roman because like,, a prince fights for honor. For good. And who decides what those concepts mean? Patton does. In some way, he controls Roman’s narrative. Anyways, h/c with Roman and potentially protective Remus. Thank you for considering!! – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: self esteem issues, self doubt, slightly unsympathetic logan and patton

Pairings: gen

Word Count: 5984

"What honor is there that I can find now? What—how do I know what is right anymore? I've been behind a sword for so long, I fear…I fear I'm forgetting who I am without it." His breath comes out shakier. "And I fear…if I were to ever try to explain this to someone who wasn't you, my words would come out so clumsy they would impale me on their rusted edges." "There is nothing wrong with the way you speak, Roman. Nothing at all." "If only it were something that would be listened to."

Thomas sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Okay, I think—is that all we're gonna be able to get done today?"

"I have no qualms about continuing, but I do not think it would be productive."

"I'm not gonna sit here and listen to you go around in circles again and again," Virgil groans, long ago giving up the pretense of standing and paying attention, his forehead pressed against the stairs railing, "just call it here and let us go."

"Now, kiddo, that's not a very sporting attitude!" Patton puts his hands on his hips. "If Thomas thinks we're all involved in this discussion, then there's no point if trying to discount your own importance."

"I'm not discounting my own importance, I'm questioning my relevance." He glares through a gap in the bars at Logan. "This whole thing isn't gonna make me think it's not worth being cautious about, no matter how much L tries to talk me out of it. I'm Anxiety. Literally it's my job to be irrational sometimes. By definition—"

"But we've previously established that you do have some semblance of logical reasoning at points, and this could very well be one of those points—"

"Okay." Thomas cuts Logan off with a wave of his hand. "I think—yeah, I think we're done. I'm sorry, Logan, but I don't—we're kind of at an impasse."

"Here's an idea." Virgil's hand flops lazily up in a parody of raising his hand. "Why don't we ask someone whose literal job it is to come up with ideas?"

Logan's nose wrinkles momentarily and he sighs. "I do not see the value in asking either Roman or Remus to weigh in on this discussion when it has nothing to do with them."

"Uh-huh, so you wanna try to do the create-an-idea thing without the Sides whose job it is to do that?"

"We are all capable of coming up with ideas, Virgil, Roman and Remus simply represent Thomas's Creativity."

"Oh, yeah?" Virgil heaves himself up onto an elbow. "When's the last time you came up with an idea for an experiment on your own?"

"Preposterous. I'm perfectly capable of coming up with my own experiments."

"Do it. Right now."

"We are in the middle of discussing—"

"No, no," Thomas says, "please, I could use a break from thinking about this."

Logan's mouth works for a second. "Very well. Let's see…ah. A spin on the Pinocchio paradox."

"The what?"

"The Pinocchio paradox. A simple thought experiment on what would happen if the character, Pinocchio, uttered the words: 'My nose will grow now.' An interesting thought, given that—"

"That his nose grows when he lies and if it does grow then he told the truth which means it wouldn't grow which means he lies, sure, sure, sure, what does that have to do with anything?"

Logan adjusts his ties and raises a finger. "Janus will now appear."

Everyone in the room pauses, listening for the telltale whoosh of a Side appearing. Which it does, a few seconds later, and Logan gets cuffed on the shoulder.

"What was that for?"

"I'm not an experiment," Janus says, a bit too amused to be an indictment, "and am perfectly capable of showing up to slap you for being an idiot."

"See? Experiment successful."

"That's not—okay." Thomas pinches the bridge of his nose. "Janus, while you're here, you might as well weigh in on this."

'"Being arbitrarily asked to choose a side with little to no context as to what the options are? My favorite." He claps his hands a few times. "What am I choosing between?"

"Would it be better if I responded to this email now, saying that I'm not available for a call for the rest of the day, or should I wait and just call back tomorrow when I am free?"

"Ooh, what an interesting dilemma. How badly will your life be impacted by a negative outcome to this call?"

"Don't fucking start with me, J," Virgil warns, studiously ignoring Patton's language, "I know you've been listening this whole time."

"Oh, you're no fun." Virgil tips him a lazy two-fingered salute and he sighs. "Very well. Thomas, do you want to respond to this now?"

Thomas frowns. "What? Isn't that what you all are here for?"

"We can manifest different parts of you trying to figure something out, but that doesn't mean you don't have your own thoughts about it that aren't us. What do you want to do?"

"This line of questioning is pointless. Thomas has established that he doesn't know what he wants and he's asked us—well, I suppose that now includes you—what to do."

Janus slides his gaze to Logan, eyes narrowing slightly. "That's awfully presumptuous of you, Logan."

"Thomas? Is that an inaccurate conclusion?"

"…I mean, not really."

Logan gestures at him. "See? There you are. Now, either we are agreeing to call the meeting here and simply wait until tomorrow, or we are going to rehash the same arguments from the past hour and quite frankly, I think there is a better use of our time."

"Why are the twins not here?"

"Excuse me?"

"The twins. The ones who are good at coming up with solutions to problems." Janus glances around. "They seem conspicuously absent from this meeting where we are trying to come up with a solution to something."

"That's what I was saying."

Logan sighs, removing his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Alright, if you insist. I do not see what sort of valuable insight they will be able to give us, but if you all want to hear what they have to say, then I suppose I cannot object."

Thomas smiles and reaches out to summon Creativity. A moment later, Roman appears in front of the TV, wincing.

"Thomas?"

"Hey, Roman, we, uh, we were hoping you could help us out."

Roman rubs the back of his neck, glancing around the room. "Uh, sure. What, uh, what with?"

"Thomas is struggling to choose between responding to a missed phone call and voicemail with either an email today apologizing and explaining his availability tomorrow, or simply calling back tomorrow when he is immediately available," Logan says smoothly. "Which option do you think is preferable?"

Roman just blinks at him for a long second. When Logan raises his eyebrows expectantly, his shoulders hunch a little and he curls in on himself. "I, um, I don't know."

"Just as I suspected. Very well, thank you Roman, you may go."

"Wait, what?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Virgil says, sitting up, "that's not fair, he's been here, what, all of two seconds?"

"Yes, and has just admitted that he doesn't have an answer to us, which is not a productive way to continue this conversation, therefore he can go."

"Wait, Logan—" Thomas holds his hand out, silently asking Roman to stay, "can't we just—how's he gonna be able to actually give his opinion if he doesn't have time to make one?"

"Roman, are the facts I've given to you unclear?"

"Huh? N-no—"

"Do you believe you have a firm enough grasp of the situation to form a conclusion?"

"I mean, yeah, I get it, but—"

"And you still don't know what option you prefer?"

Roman's quiet for a moment, his outstretched hand slowly returning to his side. "…no."

Logan nods. "Settled, then."

"Come on, Logan," Janus says, frowning a little now, "just because you didn't want him here doesn't mean you can throw him away as soon as he's said one thing that vaguely aligns with what you wanted."

"First off, that's an incredible level of irony coming from you—" both Janus and Roman flinch— "and secondly, Roman, would you like to be part of this meeting?"

They all turn to look at Roman, who shuffles under their gazes. He keeps flicking his eyes up to Thomas, then to Patton, then to Janus, before staring back down at his hands. The buzzing of the fridge becomes oppressive. He winces and rubs the back of his neck again.

"Roman?"

"…not really."

"Then it's settled, then. Thank you for your input."

Roman glances once more at Thomas with something almost like longing before he sinks out again. Virgil, who'd been watching him closely, turns to frown at Logan. Logan adjusts his tie.

"If that's all, then, Thomas, would you still like to end the meeting here?"

"Yeah, let's…let's call it."

"Very well. I shall be available if you need me further." He sinks out.

Patton sinks out next, giving Thomas a quick thumbs-up before disappearing. Janus exchanges a brief look with Virgil before he's vanishing too, leaving just the two of them alone in the living room. Thomas puts his hands on his hips, staring at the spot where Roman was.

"So that was weird, right?"

"Yeah." Virgil grunts as he sits up, hands balled up in the pocket of his hoodie. "That…I've never seen them…do that before."

"Did Roman and Logan have a fight or something?"

"I don't think so? I mean, I've seen them argue about stuff, but they always do that and it didn't seem like it was any more, like, intense than usual, so I don't…I don't know why that happened." He shuffles. "I've also never seen Logan be that…short with Roman before."

"Yeah, like, he was here for literally, like—"

"Like two seconds—"

"And then Logan was telling him to go again. And did you notice how he kept looking—"

"At you?"

"At me, yeah, did—did I do something?"

"What? Shit, no, Thomas, I don't think that's it. I think—" he sighs— "look, he's not gonna be happy I'm telling you this, but Princey's been going through some stuff lately and I'm not sure exactly what it is but I know it's been weighing on him a lot."

Thomas frowns. "How so?"

"Well, let me put it this way: have you been daydreaming a lot more lately?"

He thinks. "Uh, yeah, I mean, I guess so, but I haven't been doing that much recently, which kind of makes sense, I guess?"

"Yeah, well, that's Princey in the Imagination." Thomas nods and Virgil gives him a pointed look. "I'm telling you that Princey's been going into the Imagination more."

"Yeah, that's—isn't that what he does?"

Virgil scrubs a hand over his face. "Yeah, it is, but not like this. Normally when he goes in, he's doing it to come up with ideas or work something out, or…something. But recently…"

"But recently that doesn't feel like what he's doing," Thomas finishes, chewing on his lip, "yeah, actually, now that you mention it, it does kind of feel…different. Like—like they're…"

"Comfort," Virgil finishes quietly when he can't quite put his finger on it, "it feels like a comfort."

"Roman's going into the Imagination to comfort himself?" Virgil shrugs. "Why?"

"Like I said, he's going through some stuff. It's not—I'm not all up on how the Imagination translates to whatever your daydreams end up being, but I don't think—Princey's not even telling us what he gets up to in there."

Thomas sucks in a breath. If there's one thing he's learned after listening to them talk about whatever goes on in the Mindscape when they're not with him, it's that Roman loves to regale them with tales of his adventures in the Imagination, even if it comes at the expense of whatever else they're doing. To hear that Roman's been going off more than usual and he isn't telling them about it? Worrying, to say the least.

"When did this start?"

Virgil blows out a breath. "After the wedding."

"Shit, that's…probably not good."

"Yeah."

They both stare at the black TV. A bit of dust gets caught in a gust from the vent and sticks to the corner.

"…he's my hero," Thomas says quietly.

"Huh?"

"He's my hero. Maybe he's…maybe he's going to the Imagination to do the things heroes don't get to do."

"Okay, you gotta break that down for me a little more."

"The heroes don't get to be vulnerable. They don't get to…to actually stop and rest, not really. They have to keep going, they have to…" Thomas swallows. When did this lump in his throat get here? "They're not—oh, god, am I gonna cry?"

"Shit, shit, shit, uh—do you want me to get Patton back?"

"N-no, no, don't—" for some reason the thought of Patton reappearing sends a bolt of fear straight through his chest and he knows Virgil feels it too, shooting to his feet and watching as Thomas stumbles back to the couch— "I—oh, god."

"Hey, hey, hey, buddy," Virgil says, voice soft and low as Thomas buries his face in his hands, "take it easy, okay? You're okay, you're safe in the house, everything's okay. I need you to take a deep breath for me, okay? Just a nice, deep breath, you're okay, that's it, good, now let it out…nice, do it again…"

Virgil helps talk him slowly through the well of emotion suddenly bubbling just at the base of his throat, the breaths coming out shaky but steady. Absentmindedly, he puts a hand to his chest and starts rubbing in slow, firm circles. The pressure does something to the frantic and flighty part of him, helping to soothe him back from whatever brink he hadn't realized he'd walked to.

"Hey," Virgil calls a few minutes later, "you with me again?"

"Yeah, I think so." He takes a couple more seconds just to breathe it out. "Roman's—Roman's my hero, and I don't know if he knows that I…that I still want to listen to him."

"What do you mean?"

"Afterwards. When I—when we were all—when the stuff happened. He said that he thought he was my hero and I told him he was and then he…"

"Freaked," Virgil finishes when he can't, "yeah, I remember."

"I don't…I don't know why that made him so upset."

"Well, hey," he says when that lump starts to come back to his throat, "let's not have you worry about that right now, okay? You—let's go do something else that'll get your mind off of it. Go rewatch the Office bloopers again, that always works."

"Will you—can you keep an eye on him for me?"

"Yeah, Thomas, I can do that. Now c'mon, those bloopers aren't going to rewatch themselves."

***

Roman walks slowly through the woods as the fireflies twinkle around him. He lifts a hand to push aside a branch, stepping through the shadows to emerge onto the thin dirt path that winds through the base of the trees. As the darkness falls, the thin blue lines grow deeper, darker, blending together to weave across the grass as little critters scurry back and forth. The whistle of the wind accompanies the crunch of his footsteps as he makes his way toward the cabin.

Movement from around the side and the man emerges, wiping dirt from his hands with a rag. He looks up and smiles as Roman approaches.

"Roman," he greets, with his voice warm, "how good it is to see you."

"I see I'm a bit too late to help with the chores." He nods to the rag. "I don't mean to impose on you."

"Nonsense, old friend, nothing you do could possibly be an imposition. As it happens, I have a stew on that I won't be able to finish by myself and it would be a great favor to me if you were to help me."

Roman chuckles. "How could I refuse?"

The man holds a hand out to him as he nears, settling it on the curve of Roman's neck and pulling him close for a brief hug of sorts. Roman turns his cheek to rest against the curve of his jaw, breathing out shakily. The man lets out a comforting noise and his fingers card through the delicate hairs at the base of his head.

"Come inside, dear friend, let the fire warm you."

"The night is warm already."

"It is young still, and will grow cold," he says as he begins to lead them up the stairs, "and you look to be the type of cold that does not thaw even in the hottest sun."

"I worry for the state of the realm sometimes, if I am truly so transparent."

"Only to me, dear friend, and only because you have seen fit to allow yourself to be so with me." He's coaxed inside a modest cabin, sat at a simple hewn table as a rich smell fills the room. He closes his eyes to breathe it in, opening them again when the low thud of a bowl and tankard draws his attention. "Eat, please. You know I can't bear a less-than-full stomach under my roof."

"You're too kind to me."

"Nonsense." The hand fits itself around his head once more. "You are worth being kind to, and even more worth allowing me to care for you. Now, come on."

The stew is simple, hearty, and as filling as he could ever want. Under the table, their legs press together, boots against boots, knee against knee. The fire crackles in the hearth as the last of the light fades from outside. He can feel his shoulders beginning to relax, the line of his body growing looser, more languid.

When they've both eaten their fill and the dishes have been set away to deal with later, he sits on the floor near the hearth and stares into the flames. A warm hand lands on his shoulder and brings his head to rest against another, light touch trailing over the bare skin under his sleeve.

"What troubles you tonight, dear friend?"

"I don't want to impose—"

"Shh, none of that now. It's an honor to be troubled by your worries."

He turns his head into the crook of his neck, breathing in the smell of clean sweat, of spiced apple, of wood smoke. "I struggle to remember what it is I fight for."

Gentle nails along his scalp. "How so?"

"What honor is there that I can find now? What—how do I know what is right anymore? I've been behind a sword for so long, I fear…I fear I'm forgetting who I am without it." His breath comes out shakier. "And I fear…if I were to ever try to explain this to someone who wasn't you, my words would come out so clumsy they would impale me on their rusted edges."

"There is nothing wrong with the way you speak, Roman. Nothing at all."

"If only it were something that would be listened to."

"Hey." He's nudged until he can look up at the man's face. "You once told me that all you wanted to fight for was this. For the chance for one to sit, in the peace and safety, with those they care for, and have that be alright. Is this still true?"

"Yes. But I don't—I no longer know how to do that."

The man goes quiet, contemplative, running his fingers gently over the edge of Roman's face. The touch coaxes a lump to his throat, a tear to his eye, and the man lets out another comforting noise, pulling him closer.

"Rest for the night, please, dear friend. My bed is warm, my touch willing. You fear losing who you are without your sword? Put it down for the night, stay. Remind yourself of how to enjoy the thing you fight for."

"If only I could be as persuasive as you," he mumbles, allowing himself to sink into the warmth of the touch, "then I might never need a sword again."

He chuckles. "Well, I don't know if I can do all that much, but I have learned how to persuade you, my dear, and that will serve me well enough."

***

"Roman?"

Roman turns, spotting Janus as he trudges back from the Imagination. "What're you doing awake?"

"I was waiting for you."

He winces. "Sorry, I, um, did we have something planned?"

"What? No, no, sweetie, nothing like that, I only—I wanted to talk to you for a moment."

A chill works its way up Roman's spine and he suppresses a shudder, walking slowly to his room and opening the door. Janus follows him in, carefully closing it behind them and waiting while Roman tucks something into a drawer on his desk and sitting down.

"What's up?"

"Are you…are you okay?"

He flinches slightly. "Why, um, why?"

Janus looks pained. He glances around and seemingly comes to a decision before sinking down to the floor, crossing his legs and sighing. "You…seemed very upset after earlier, and I wanted to come and ask you about it."

"Oh, no, I'm fine, I wasn't—Logan was right, I wasn't going to be useful in that conversation."

"The one you were in for all of three seconds before you were being shunted out of it again?"

Roman narrows his eyes. "You know, it is kind of ironic that you of all people are worrying about that right now."

Janus barely has time to process how he feels about that sentence before Roman's eyes are widening and he's leaning back.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, that came out really rude, I didn't mean that."

"You did, and that's okay. No, no—really, it is okay, Roman, you don't have to pretend like I didn't hurt you—that I'm not hurting you when I do things like that. No, no—" he stands as Roman covers his face with his hands— "please, sweetie, just—just listen to me for a second, okay?"

Roman nods, his face still hidden. Janus hesitates for a moment before gloved hands come down to rest on his shoulders. He leans down and carefully, carefully presses his chin to the top of Roman's head. Roman shudders a little under the contact but stays still.

"You've been distant lately," Janus whispers, as though afraid of breaking the silence, "and that's not a bad thing, sweetie, but it's…it seems like it's hurting you. And I'm worried because Thomas isn't—I don't know what Thomas would do without you."

Roman stiffens and immediately he knows it was the wrong thing to say. "I won't let Thomas down again, I know what I'm doing. I'm just—I'm sorry I haven't been very present lately, but I'm—"

"No, no, that's not what I meant—wait, what do you mean, 'again?'"

Roman hunches his shoulders. "I know I'm not Thomas's hero anymore, okay? You don't need to keep acting like I'm—"

"Wait, wait, sweetie." Janus crouches down, cupping Roman's face in his hands. "What do you mean, you're not Thomas's hero anymore?"

"That's what you said! After the wedding, when he said—when I said—and you nodded! Like it was a lie!" He jerks away. "We don't need to pretend that didn't happen, okay? I remember, it's not like I could forget something like that."

"No, no, Roman—no, that's not what I meant, I didn't—it wasn't a lie."

Roman goes still. He stares at Janus for a long moment, long enough for a bit of a smile to come to his face, like Roman's actually listening to him. Then Roman's expression darkens and the voice that comes out of him is darker and more venomous than anything Janus has ever heard.

"Do not lie to me."

"R-Roman—"

"No." Roman pulls away, standing up, towering over him. "You will not lie to me. Not about that, not about anything like that. Use me as your puppet all you want, everyone knows I can't stop you, but I won't let you lie to me about this. Ever."

He's already fumbling to get his gloves off, surging up and grabbing Roman in a tight hug, so close he couldn't hope to get an inch of distance between them. "I'm not lying," he hisses, almost into Roman's nose, "I'm not lying about this, Roman, I'm not. Thomas wasn't lying. You're his hero. You still are."

"Stop it—"

"My gloves are off! I can't lie with my gloves off, Thomas loves you—you're his hero—"

"Stop it!" The words leave Roman in a breathless cry and Janus is left struggling to heft his weight as his knees buckle. "Stop it, stop it—stop it, it's not true, it can't be true, it's a lie—it—it has to be—"

"Why does it have to be, sweetie?" They're back on the floor, Janus smoothing hair back from Roman's flushed face, awkwardly holding him in his lap. "Why did it have to be a lie?"

"Because—because—" he sniffles— "nothing makes sense anymore. I don't—I can't—I can't do anything."

He frowns. "What do you mean you can't do anything?"

Hands come up to circle his wrists, not to push him away, just to have somewhere else to hold onto. "Princes fight for honor, for what's good. I can't—I can't fight anymore."

Not much can break Janus's heart like hearing Roman admit something like that, fewer things still can threaten tears at the corners of his eyes like the ones badly concealed in Roman's voice. "What do you mean, sweetie? Why can't you fight anymore?"

"I don't know anything! I don't know what's good, what's honorable, what's—what's right, I can't…I'm wrong, Janus, I'm just wrong and I don't—I don't know how to be right again."

"Shh, shh, shh, easy, now, sweetie, shh…" Janus hauls him closer, pressing his mouth to his flushed cheek, still murmuring comfort. "Shh…that's it, just stay here with me a moment, okay?"

"J-Janus—"

"I'm here, sweetie, I'm right here."

Roman's stifled sobs land like mines in the room, creating a mess around them as he curls up tighter, tighter still. The door to the Imagination glistens softly and he can almost hear the distant crackle of a fireplace and that alone sends him further into the fit. Janus's hands remain gentle, holding him close, but everything keeps spinning and nothing, nothing makes sense except the hurt in his chest.

He's going to cry himself to sleep again, he realizes faintly as exhaustion starts to seep through him, but then Janus is kissing his forehead again and gently shaking him awake.

"Sweetie, listen to me: no one knows what you fight for better than you, okay? You're Thomas's Hopes and Dreams, his hero—" Roman whimpers— "you do know what's right."

"N-no, I don't."

"Then who does know?"

"Patton."

Janus's blood runs cold. "Patton? Why Patton?"

"Patton's the Heart, he's M—he's Morality. He knows—he decides. I'm—I just follow." He sniffles. "And Logan—Logan, he's right, I don't—I'm so stupid—"

"That's enough, now." He runs a hand through his hair again. "That's enough, sweetie. You're not stupid. No—shh, shh, you're not. You know you're not."

"I am. I can't—I can't talk right and I don't know what I'm doing and—an' I'm just gonna mess everything up again."

Janus closes his eyes, bowing his head and taking a deep breath of his own. Cradling Roman's head to his chest, he leans down and kisses both his forehead and his cheeks, just staying there for a long, long moment. Roman's soft sobs echo gently in his ear and he tucks a stray piece of hair back from his face.

"You're not stupid," he murmurs, "you're not going to mess everything up again. You're okay. You're okay, sweetie."

Roman sniffles and shakes his head. "No, it's not. It's not okay."

"…no," Janus concedes, pulling Roman close, "I suppose it's not."

***

Not many things can happen in the Mindscape without Remus noticing, and almost nothing can happen to his brother without him showing up to knock some heads.

Case in point: when there's a tug in his gut telling him that Roman is upset, he grabs his Morningstar and sinks out without hesitating.

When he rises up in the living room, it takes less than two seconds for him to determine one: that Logan is picking on his brother, two: Patton isn't doing anything to stop him, and three: Roman is crying.

"Remus, not now," Logan sighs, "we're in the middle of something."

"You're in the middle of hurting my brother."

"R-Re?" He's got his arm around Roman's shoulders in the next moment. "W-wait, I need to—I have to—I gotta explain."

"Explain what, Roro?"

Logan sighs. "Roman has been trying, unsuccessfully, to explain that we are at fault for—"

"Ah, no." Remus throws a knife at Logan. "I didn't ask you. Shush."

"Remus! Throwing knives at people isn't nice!"

"Neither is making them cry! We're all in agreement." He tucks his head against Roman's, gentling his voice. "What're you trying to explain, Roro?"

"The—" he sniffles— "Janus said I should try—try talking to them and I said it wouldn't work but he—he insisted an' I—"

"Shh, shh, take your time, Ro, you're doing great."

"Heart. Morality. Prince. Logic."

Remus's little black heart breaks in two and he wraps his arms tightly around his brother. "Oh, Ro, it's okay. It's gonna be okay, lemme get you somewhere safe and I'll do it for you, okay?"

"You don't have to—"

"Trust me, Ro-bro, I got this."

Roman sags in his arms. "O-okay."

Remus quickly bids the Imagination to open its doors and sinks Roman out, giving him a gentle push into the forest before reappearing in the living room. He cracks his knuckles and grins.

"Alright, where were we?"

Logan sighs. "Remus, I don't—"

"Ah, that's right!" Remus throws another knife at him. "You, not listening to people who can't articulate things as well as you can! Rude and ableist, Loganberry, not a good look on you."

"I am not—"

"Roman can't articulate his thoughts as well as you can and so you think you're better than him, smarter than him, and that he's not worth listening to, is that explicit enough?" Logan opens and closes his mouth a few times but doesn't say anything. "Mm. And you!"

Patton yelps as Remus throws something at him too.

"You have a nasty habit of making Roman feel like a helpless little kid! You have a lot of sway over things like Thomas's sense of right and wrong and when you don't talk to Roman like he's your equal, you really fuck him up!"

"Language—"

"Don't fucking talk to me about my language," Remus says with artificial cheeriness, "talk to yourself about how not to give my brother an identity crisis!"

He stops throwing things, mainly because the rest of them are exploding or things he knows Roman would rather he didn't throw at them, no matter how tempting it is. The two of them slowly get their shit together, each with a different amount of regret. He doesn't really care about that, though, so long as they're not going to hurt Roman like that again.

"Good chat!"

And he sinks out to tackle Roman into Ollie's pond so they can have fun playing and not crying.

God, he loves his brother.

***

"Hey, Thomas?"

Thomas looks up and sees Virgil on the stairs. "Oh, hey, Virge, what's up?"

"You, uh, you asked me to keep an eye on Princey."

He sits up straight. "Yeah, what's—what's going on?"

Virgil sighs, rubbing his hands together. "There was a…not a fight, but some stuff happened. Turns out that Roman, uh, didn't believe you when you said you still thought of him as your hero and it…got bad."

"Do I want to know how bad?"

"Like, bad enough that Roman wasn't—shit, Thomas, no, I don't think you wanna know. Let's just say it was bad enough that he wasn't just going to the Imagination for comfort, he was going there because it was the only place he felt safe."

"Oh, Roman…"

"The fight—the thing was about Roman trying to explain to Patton and Logan how it fucked him up really badly, and he wasn't—you know how Roman's not always the best at explaining himself?"

"Yeah?"

"It—it wasn't really going well. Remus had to step in and do it for him."

"Wait, Remus?"

"Yeah, they're brothers. Remus—shit, Remus is really protective of Roman sometimes and this time wasn't an exception. Everyone's fine now, but it's…" Virgil sighs. "Logan and Patton have apologized and everybody's working on it, but I thought you'd want to know."

"How much stuff happens with you guys that I don't know about?"

"Honestly? I don't think you want the answer to that either."

"Jesus." Thomas scrubs a hand over his face. "Alright, well, thanks for telling me, Virgil. If…if there's anything I can do, let me know?"

Virgil nods and sinks out. Thomas puts a hand to his chest, rubbing in slow circles. There's a part of him that feels cold, still. Maybe…maybe he can figure out some way to help warm it up.

***

Roman wakes up to the sound of a crackling fire. He hums, rolling over, reaching for the edge of the bed, only to stop when his hands meet the thick red comforter. He frowns. This…this is his bed. He didn't fall asleep in the Imagination. So then why…?

He looks over and his eyes widen.

Across the room, tucked into a neat little alcove that definitely wasn't there when he went to sleep, is a merrily crackling fireplace. Above it, mounted on a gold plaque, is a cardboard sword with the words you're my hero written on it in red ink.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

[virglsweb]

One tss headcanon, but I keep adding to it.

Janus and Virgil have sensory issues. Janus constantly wears gloves so nobody can find it out. Virgil? The sides all found out when he hissed at a sticky stress ball he got for Christmas...and when he looks at his hands before refusing to wash dishes...and when he got mad at a board game for "feeling greasy"...and when he threw something into the wall and broke said wall...

To add to not only that and the "Virgil is a cat" theory/headcanon, Virgil is sensitive to textures because he's catlike, and cats have sensitive whiskers.

Virgil has thrown hands at Janus after he laughed when Virgil got somewhat overwhelmed over someone rubbing a cotton ball between their fingers. (Janus isn't unsympathetic, he just found it hilarious for no reason.)

Janus also has really sensitive scales, and hissed at Roman one time after he threw something and it slapped his scales.

Why does Virgil refuse to wear gloves like Janus does? One, he doesn't want to be like him. Two, he hates the feeling of gloves. He can feel the fabric rub together, the cuff of the gloves is itchy, and he'd need to take them off whenever he needs to do something like go on his phone.

They both hate those wool blankets where if you even slightly graze it with a hangnail on your finger, it makes that awful feeling go through your body.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk😋

[vash-the-trans-catboy]

Title: Too Much Morality Will Cause Anxiety

Prompt from @alvodra : Always on the search for more Logan calming Virgil down and being the only one truly understanding anxiety, possibly with Patton messing up somehow

Summary: Patton causes Virgil a lot of anxiety but Logan is there to help Virgil through it.

Word count: 1630

Tag list: @prince-rowan-of-the-forest @ishipgenfics (let me know if you want to be added)

TWs: Mentions of alcohol, manipulation, anxiety, panic attacks, little unsympathetic Patton

AO3

Thomas paced around the living room, occasionally glancing down at his watch. There was a debate going on inside his head and it looked like he was losing. Thomas decided he might as well make this debate real.

“Can everyone meet me in the living room? Please it’s an emergency?” Thomas called out loud to summon his logic, morality, anxiety, and creativity.

First, his logical side, dressed in business casual as usual, popped into the room.

“Is everything alright, Thomas?” Logan asked with a slight face of concern. A few emotions slipped through his stoic face. Logan tries to keep an appearance of seriousness, but Thomas and the other sides know Logan does care a lot.

“I’m-" “THOMAS, ARE YOU HURT?!?” Patton rushed into the conversation, interrupting Thomas.

While Logan and Patton were busy trying to figure out what was wrong with Thomas, Virgil quietly snuck in. Like a cat, Virgil stood on the steps observing everyone, waiting for his opportunity to make his presence known. His purple eyeshadow glimmered in the light. As grumpy as he pretends to be, his eyeshadow clearly gave away that he was having a good day.

Finally, the most dramatic side appeared.

“Oh god! Thomas! This is really an emergency. Your hair is absolutely atrocious. This must be why you called us here so suddenly.” Roman summoned a hairbrush, “Don’t worry as the most stylish side I got you covered.”

“My hair isn’t why I called you all here.” Thomas tried to correct Roman, but Roman was not listening. He threw the hairbrush at Thomas. It flew through the air, then went straight through Thomas’ head. Roman tended to forget since he was part of Thomas’ mind that anything he summoned Thomas could not touch. Thomas blankly stared at his sides as the hairbrush fell onto the floor. “Still isn’t about my hair.”

“Are you sure?” Roman raised one eyebrow in a questioning matter, “Couldn’t hurt for me to teach you to style it.”

“Ok. Moving on. This is wasting time. Thomas, why have you called us here?” Logan huffed at Roman’s antics as he returned the floor to Thomas.

“Maybe he’s dying.” Virgil deadpanned.

Thomas continued talking about his emergency, ignoring the dying comment, “So there’s this party. And this really cute guy invited me to go. But I don’t know if I should actually go.”

Logan rolled his eyes, “You must learn what is a real emergency.”

“A party! With a cute guy! Thomas, you’d be insane to say no.” Roman happily said.

“I don’t know guys. Crowded places aren’t always the best setting for Thomas. We should politely decline and go under our covers instead.” Virgil said looking a bit uneasy.

“Oh, Virgil. Being a downer as usual.” Patton said, “Thomas as your side that is your happiness you have to go. Socialization is great. Plus if Virgil said no you automatically know to do the opposite. When is listening to anxiety ever good?”

“What if the cute guy doesn’t show? Do you know anyone else at this party? What if the host doesn’t want you there? Will there be alcohol or drugs? Who am I kidding, it’s an adult party of course there will be alcohol and drugs. What if you get taken advantage of while not completely in your senses?” Virgil’s eyeshadow turned to a slightly darker purple, all the glimmer disappeared.

“Now you are just being stupid, Virgil. Real life isn’t as bad as your mind tells you it is. Thomas, trust me. I’m your morality. Would I ever really do something to harm you? This party will be good for you, for all of us.” Patton glanced at Virgil, “It will be especially good for dear Virgil here. You know how a little bit of alcohol can take the edge off. Maybe a few drinks and the nagging voice in your head will calm down.”

Virgil’s eyeshadow turned another shade darker. The purple started to mix with black. The joy from Virgil’s eyes was long gone. “If you drink you might not be able to make a rational decision. How well do you know this cute guy? What if he has bad intentions?”

“Please don’t listen to Mr. Fearful over here. Virgil is overreacting. This isn’t even an argument. Everyone knows you should go to the party and you really want to.” Patton smiled at Thomas. Virgil knows that smile and recoiled a bit, pushing his hood over his head, “So you’ll go to the party, right? Wouldn’t you love a night off from anxiety?”

Thomas shifted from one foot to another, he could feel the tension. “I’m not so sure I want to go now.”

“It’s because of Virgil isn’t it?” Patton pointed his finger accusingly at Virgil, “Maybe next time only bring the important sides if you actually want to get anything done.”

The room got deadly silent for a second. The only sound to be heard was heavy breathing.

Virgil’s eyeshadow turned completely black. His eyes dulled in color as well. He wobbled a little as the room spun.

Logan took a step closer to Virgil, “Virgil, you are looking pale. Do you feel alright?”

Virgil promptly collapsed to the floor before sinking out.

Complete chaos broke out the second he disappeared.

Thomas was too stunned to talk. He’d seen Patton and Virgil not get along before, but never to this degree.

“What the hell, Patton?” Roman yelled at Patton.

Logan was trying to hold back his anger, “You crossed a line this time.”

“I didn’t say anything there rest of us weren’t thinking.” Patton shot back.

“I don’t have time for this. I’ll lecture you later.” Logan turned to Roman, “Make sure Thomas is alright. I’m going to check on Virgil.” Logan sunk out.

“Patton please leave”

“But kiddo”

“No. You’ve done enough.” Patton pouted, then left the room in defeat.

…………………………….

Logan appeared in front of Virgil’s door. “Hey, Virgil. Are you in here?” He knocked on the door and waited for an answer. A minute passed; No one answered. He knocked again, “It’s Logan. I’m concerned.”

He attempted to open to door since Virgil was starting to worry him. He twisted the knob; It was locked. “Please, Virgil. I am truly worried.”

Still no answer. Logan sighed and took a seat next to Virgil’s door, “I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m going to give this shot. Take a deep breath. In for four. Hold for seven. Out for eight. Repeat. In for four. Hold for seven. Out for eight.” Logan breathed in and out as he instructed Virgil on his breathing. He wanted to give off as calm of an aura as possible.

“Getting in touch with your senses usually works to help ground you. What are five things you can see? You don’t have to say them out loud if you don’t want to.”

Logan heard a few mumbles from the other side of the door. It sounded vaguely like, “Bed, plushies, lamp, door, fan.”

“Very good, Virgil. Now four things you can feel.” Logan felt an immense sense of relief hearing Virgil’s voice.

“Carpet, clothing, impending doom, coldness.” The door lock clicked open.

“May I come in?” Logan stood up, putting his hand on the doorknob. He waited for Virgil’s response.

It was quiet for a few moments, a small “yeah” was heard in the background.

Logan slowly opened the door. “Three things you can hear.” He said as he walked in.

“Door creaking, sound machine, your voice.” Virgil closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“You are doing great. Two things you can smell.”

Virgil started to sniff the room, “Lavender and your hand sanitizer.”

Logan sat down next to Virgil, “One thing you can taste.”

“Umm, my tongue I guess?” Virgil wiped his eyes, smudging his eyeshadow.

“Physical contact?” Logan asked.

“Yeah, I’m good with physical contact today.”

Logan took Virgil’s hand. He helped Virgil stand up and lead him to the bed. Virgil collapsed into Logan’s arms and started hysterically sobbing.

“I am just trying to protect Thomas and be helpful,” Virgil mumbled into Logan’s chest.

Logan rubbed circles on Virgil’s back, “I know. I think everything you said had a valid point. It is always important to think about safety.”

“I don’t understand why Patton hates me so much.”

“I do not see the logic in him hating you. We are a team. Targeting one of us will just be counterproductive.” Logan ran his fingers through Virgil’s hair, “Tomorrow I am going to give Patten a stern lecture.”

Logan heard a small laugh from Virgil. He looked up to meet Logan’s gaze, “You’d do that for me?”

Logan smiled, “Of course. You know I love a good lecture.”

Logan shifted Virgil off his lap and onto the pillow. He carefully slid off the bed.

Virgil reached for him, “Please stay.”

“I will be right back, I promise.” Logan went into the bathroom connected to Virgil’s room. He pulled out a container of makeup wipes from the draw. Logan gently took off Virgil’s eyeshadow to prevent it from ruining his bed or getting in his eyes.

Virgil’s eyes drooped in tiredness.

“I think it would be best to call it a night and go to sleep.” Logan pulled the spider web patterned comforter over Virgil.

Virgil reached out and tugged on Logan’s wrist, “Stay here tonight.”

“Of course, Virgil.” He pushed the comforter over and slid over it. Logan pulled Virgil into his arms and kissed his forehead. “Sleep tight, my dear.”

Virgil’s breaths eventually evened out as he fell asleep. Once Logan was sure Virgil was soundly asleep he pulled Virgil closer and fell asleep. Logan held onto Virgil all night to let him know was he always there for him.

[prince-rowan-of-the-forest]

Hurts Like Hell

----

Losing a friend sucks, somehow it's even worse when they were still there, only just out of reach.

----

| Ao3 |

Warnings: angsttt, bullying mentions, jealousy/anger, intrusive thoughts (i think?) about hurting someone. self depreciation, (perceived) unsympathetic Virgil,

Pairings: Janus & Virgil, platonic LAMP, very background Prinxiety mention, a single sentence of Roceit

Word count: 1557

Notes:

Hello! I very rarely write vent fic, but here we are. I had lots of feelings and couldn't write anything else, so I thought I would chuck the feelings at this au and see how that turned out. I think it went well.

This fic also serves as a bit of backstory/a prequel to This Fic for which I wrote the beginning but gave away to @lily-janus for the Spring Cleaning event! I recommend going and giving it a read!

However, this could also likely be read as an only slightly confusing standalone as well.

----

Losing a friend hurts. 

Having your best friend move away, losing contact, maybe you moved schools and never saw them again, maybe they moved out of the country so you couldn’t visit.

Maybe they’d ditched you as soon as they had a better option.

It hurt a little more, Janus thought, when they weren’t forced apart. When your friend chose to leave, chose to turn his back on you and never speak to you again. When you still had to see him every day in the halls and in classes and in the cafeteria at lunch. When you still walked home the same way from school but now you had to avoid him because otherwise it would be far too awkward. When he hung around in all of your old hang out spots with all of his new, better, friends. 

He didn’t know it could hurt that much.

He had been friends with Virgil for years, three years, in fact. They’d bonded over their disabilities - Virgil, struggling with crippling anxiety and newly diagnosed (at the time) autism, and Janus with his chronic pain and partial blindness. They had found solace in each other, as friends often did, and stood together against the bullying and harassment they both faced. It made it easier.

They had done things together, of course. Outside of school they’d go to the park or the library, when Virgil had mentioned trying to get out more, Janus had taken him to some smaller local events - fairs, small music gigs, local markets - or on days when the anxiety was worst they’d sneak off to the fields just outside of the town and walk if it was a good day for Janus or just sit together if not. They went thrifting, got coffee, spent time at each other’s houses, did school projects together and complained about the unfair amount of homework they each got given. Janus suffered as a living mannequin for Virgil when he wanted to work on his clothing design hobby - Janus had always envied Virgil’s ability to make his own clothes - and Virgil painstakingly beta read everything Janus wrote even if his stories would never be good enough to be published. 

They weren’t that alike, not really, Virgil liked loud, angry music, where Janus preferred the classics, Virgil liked cheesy horror films and Disney whereas Janus would rather watch a true crime documentary or murder mystery any day. Virgil liked putting on makeup, dying his hair, wearing nail polish - although all of it was punk-ish, Janus had never felt a need to bother with that stuff, makeup wouldn’t cover up the massive scar on his face, after all - he wouldn’t be able to do it evenly anyway, not with being blind in one eye. 

Between them there were very few similarities, really, but they found themselves getting along despite that. Their senses of humour seemed to match quite well and they had enough shared experience to fill up most of the space where shared hobbies and interests should be. And hey, neither of them really had anyone else, so it’s not like there was any better option.

Until, apparently for Virgil, there was. 

Janus still didn’t really know what had happened, it was barely the beginning of the school year, their freshman year of highschool, to be precise. Janus knew it would be a difficult move for Virgil, what with his already strong dislike for people and change, so he’d tried to check up a little more, make sure Virgil was doing alright, he’d tried to communicate a little better - texting Virgil when he found something cool or funny on the internet or out and about but… it must not have been enough. 

Virgil stopped texting first, leaving Janus’ messages unanswered while he got quieter and quieter around him when they were together in person until one day… one day he just didn’t show up at the spot where they met every morning.

He’d tried not to think anything of it, at the time. Maybe Virgil had been late that day - though he was never late - maybe he’d needed to speak with a teacher or wanted to get to class early… It was fine. 

Virgil didn’t come back over the next few days, nor did he reply to any of Janus’ messages (he had quickly stopped sending them), he was never in any of their usual meeting spots and Janus was just starting to get worried. 

But then he saw Virgil with… them. 

He saw him sitting at their table during lunch, he sat next to Patton and across from Roman and Logan, watching Roman talk animatedly - with wide gestures and a constant grin. He saw him walking down the halls next to Patton, saw him studying for a chemistry test - which Janus was also in the same class for - in the school library with Logan…

Then he’d seen Virgil waiting in their usual meeting spot after school and foolishly he’d gotten his hopes up, he’d gone to walk over before Roman got there first, laughing when he saw Virgil and patting him on the arm and… Janus had always thought Virgil had been averse to touch, hadn't he mentioned it once or twice?

Apparently Roman lived their direction too, and Janus had needed to change the route he walked home on good days to avoid them. Part of him couldn’t handle seeing it. 

He sat with them at lunch, talked to them in class, worked with them on projects, Leaving Janus well and truly… alone. 

It hurt so much. Every time Virgil passed him - barely batting an eye - Janus felt his chest constrict painfully. Every time he overheard him having a conversation with one of the others - especially at the beginning - Janus felt a little like someone had taken the floor out from under him and not in the pleasant ways always described in cheesy romance. Later, as time moved on, that hurt and sadness morphed into overwhelming anger. Every time he heard Virgil talk or laugh he wanted to scream, part of him wanted to hurt him, push him in the hallways, trip him up, make it look like an accident. He wanted to yell at him, let Virgil know exactly how much his leaving out of nowhere had hurt him and make it hurt for Virgil too. He never did, because for some stupid reason, despite everything, he still cared too much about Virgil to do something like that.

He was jealous, after that, jealous of Virgil because now that he had the protection of the popular kids he didn’t have to worry about the bullies and the harassment, jealous because he had new, better friends who could go on walks in the fields whenever he wanted. He was jealous of Roman and Logan and Patton, because now Roman helped with Virgil’s costume design, now Logan worked with him on projects and Patton would complain with him about the difficulty of the homework. He was jealous of the four of them, because they never seemed to worry about anything, because even Virgil’s anxiety seemed to ease off as time went on. Because none of them suffered like he did, and because none of them seemed to care.

Janus wished he didn’t care. 

Because caring made it hurt so much more. 

It hurt more when he made eye contact and Virgil turned away, hurt more when they passed each other in the halls and Virgil didn’t even glance his way. It hurt when he was struggling and Virgil was right there and he didn’t stop to help like Janus knew he would have years ago. It hurt when he first heard the rumour that Virgil and Roman had started dating - not only because of his well hidden and carefully pushed down crush on Roman himself but also because Virgil had gotten something he never could have and he couldn’t even congratulate him - the amount of sincerity involved in the theoretical congratulation varied with his mood. 

He’d tried being happy for Virgil, but somehow that had hurt even more, torn an even larger hole in his heart. He’d tried to forget about him, tried not to think about it, but it was impossible when Virgil was right there, just out of reach all the goddamn time. He’d tried letting himself be angry, but then he just got angrier and guiltier for being angry in the first place. Virgil was better off now, objectively. His feelings about it didn’t matter.

A small part of him just… wished that he knew what he’d done wrong. 

What mistake had he made? Because he’d analysed their last few interactions so much that he was certain he could repeat every word they’d both said by heart and yet still couldn’t work out what he’d done wrong. On top of that still, why did he deserve to be tossed out? Like a broken tool that had served its purpose? Why was it perfectly ok for Virgil to leave him in the dust as though they hadn't been each other's only friend for three years, how was that fair?

It wasn't, Janus thought bitterly, but when had life ever been fair to him anyway.

Being honest, he didn't know what he had expected, everything always goes wrong for him in the end.

That didn't make it hurt any less.

----

Tags: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @reptilianrapscallion420 @your-local-random-dino @cutebisexualmess @glacierruler @roseianxiety @bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti (if anyone wants to be added, let me know!)

[full-of-roman-angst-trash]

Wounded Even By Happiness Masterpost

This is my fanfic for the amazing TSS Storytime Big Bang Event! Thank you to @ronithesnail for being generous enough to make art for my fanfic! I'll link their art below! And of course, thank you to the amazing organizers/betas @tss-storytime for putting together this amazing event!

Feel Free to read the story either on A03 or here on Tumblr!

Warnings: Toxic Romantic Relationship, Alcoholism, Character Death, Slightly Unsympathetic Roman, Implied Character Death, Suicidal and depressive themes/ideologies, Roman Angst, Remus Angst, Virgil angst, Arguing, Cursing, Toxic Familial Relationship. (Ask to tag)

Link to Ronithesnail's art

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Epilogue

[tss-storytime-summaries]

40

Expected Rating: Teen

Warnings: Toxic Romantic Relationship, Alcoholism, Character Death, Slightly Unsympathetic Roman, Hinted at abuse? (Maybe, not fully sure if this will be part of the story yet), Suicidal and depressive themes/ideologies, Roman, Remus, and Virgil angst, Arguing, Cursing, Toxic Familial Relationship, Mental disorders? (May have to add or remove some trigger warnings as I actually start writing)

Characters: Roman, Remus, Janus, Virgil, Emile, Remy, Logan, and Patton.

Romantic Relationships: Prinxiety, Past Roceit

Summary: Roman can’t remember the last time he genuinely smiled or laugh. Life felt like nothing more than a vicious cycle. Every day blurring into one another. All unnecessarily meaningless and exhausting.

The world saw him as nothing more than a piece of entertainment. One of the most successful upcoming actors and singers. Another pretty face to envy on the other side of the tv screen. An untouchable being.

His boyfriend and brother saw him as nothing more but a shell of his former self. A soulless body that once housed an energetic, fun-loving, and caring guy. A painful reminder of how a rose withers over time. A once warm and inviting heart now cold and callous.

Roman doesn’t know how long he’ll continue surviving this way. His heart aches to feel again. He wants to love the only two people who are still by his side no matter how awful he is. All he needs is a meaning. But he doesn’t know if he’ll ever find it.

[ask-the-t-sanders-sides]

**it's Quinn, my/Viva's creativity**

"Roman, it's me. Well, really, you don't know me, but you know Viva. I think. I do what you're doing a lot. I let my emotions take the wheel. Like "Jesus Take The Wheel," but it's my emotions. Anyways, I know how you feel, I want to trust Patton too, but we/I know the backstory. Well, some of it, and the part we saw was horrible. Patton wasn't the Patton you know. He was unsympathetic and mean. Like LilyPaton, but worse. Trust us. Trust me. Trust your brother. Trust Virgil. Trust Logan. Trust OJ, for God's sake! Just don't trust Patton or Janus. They aren't themselves."

"but-" before Roman can finish, Virgil grabs his hand. "Roman, they're right, Patton isn't himself right now. Do you want me to talk to them instead?" Virgil asked in a soft voice, his eyeshadow slightly lighter than usual.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Virgil: *takes something off Deceit’s plate even though Virgil very clearly has a fully plate*

Deceit: *pushes plate away*

Virgil: What’d you do that for?

Deceit: I’m not gonna eat if my food is gonna be touched even though you literally have food in front of you.

[hurting-janus-hours]

mmmm this has probably been done before but toxic anxceit where whenever Janus does something that Virgil disapproves of he locks him in his room, and when Janus is locked in Virgil's room for too long it starts doing bad things to Janus and eventually the eyeshadow that you gain from being in there just, stops being able to come off

(This is an amazing prompt)

Every time he misbehaved Virgil would up the time.

It started with 30 minutes, then an hour, 2 hours, 3 hours.

Janus would have to stay away from the others for a while afterwards, he couldn’t have them knowing what Virgil was doing.

But this time it had been 2 days locked away.

When he was let out, he was in tears, shaking, and jerked away from any touch.

Janus hid in his room, hoping the eyeshadow would go away. He lost track of the amount of time he was in there. But it was long enough for the one other to know he was missing. 

They saw what he’d done, and tried to help. But that didn’t work, nothing did.

The eyeshadow would be there, like a scar, forever.

-(Mod E)

[hi-its-tutty]

the “love” potion (pt. 1)

pairing: analogical!

wc: 1181

tw: angst! miscommunication! logan being kinda? under the influence? slightly unsympathetic virgil sanders? oh and uh no happy ending (for now)

summary: Logan seems to be under some sort of “spell,” making Viril confess his feelings. Things don’t exactly go well when Logan comes to. 

part 1 || part 2

masterpost! or, if you’d prefer, read on ao3?

“Okay, what the actual fuck is with Logan today?” Virgil asked Roman, slightly hoping that Logan would parade back in the kitchen.

“What do you mean?” Roman asked.

Virgil sighed. “He’s just...weird. Like, he won’t stop fucking staring at me, and like, I don’t know, being weird,” he said, feeling his face burn up. (Hey, who could blame him? He had a crush on the dude, so what? Sue him.)

“Aw, I can almost see you blushing under all that white foundation!” Roman said, making Virgil grumble, “Shut up or I’ll rip your face off.”

Roman laughed, and just pointed at Virgil’s still-red face for good measure. “Well, in any case, you can probably just avoid him-”

“Virgil!” Logan exclaimed, coming down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Virgil groaned and put his head down, only hearing the thud as Logan fell down the stairs instead of seeing it. Again.

“Hi Logan,” Virgil said, still muffled by the fact that his mouth was nestled in his arms now.

“Virgil! Have I told you how wonderful you look today?” Logan asked, sitting down next to him.

“Yes, you have, Logan. Multiple times. Today,” Virgil replied, not bringing his head up.

Roman snorted, just watching the entire situation with glee. Logan seemed so...excitable. And not Logan. He was acting like Patton now, for crying out loud. Except a lot more obsessed with Virgil.

“Well, you do. Plus, Starshine, I think you look wonderful every day! You look much more wonderful than the others. In fact, I think you may be the most attractive side out of all of us, objectively, of course,” Logan continued, oblivious to Roman making some Offended Princy Noises™ in the background.

“I’m sure that I’m not,” Virgil said, lifting his head only to reveal his ever-growing blush.

“Oh, but you are! Trust me, Virgil, I always stay completely objective,” Logan said, even more to Roman’s dismay.

“If you always stay objective, then what are you doing right now?” Virgil finally asked, becoming done with it all. “What happened, Logan? What happened to the Logan that actually stayed objective instead or rattling off compliments for 20 minutes straight? What happened to the Logan who wore his necktie and insisted that he was a serious person every 5 seconds because of it? What happened to the Logan that_ didn’t_ fall down the stairs because he lost his composure for one second? What happened to you Logan? The true you that I fucking fell in love with?” Virgil slapped his hand over his mouth, his eyes widening. Fuck.

The weird, dopey smile melted off of Logan’s face. He looked like he actually became aware of his surroundings, and took a second to adjust his glasses and necktie.

“I apologize,” he said, his voice returning to the serious tone it was always in. “I do not seem to recall my actions, or what just happened this previous 24 hours. May someone update me?”

Virgil just stared at Logan. Here he was, fucking acting like he had no clue of what he just did. This was all a sick joke or something, wasn’t it? Just to make Virgil confess his crush? Virgil never thought Logan would ever do something like this, but apparently, he was wrong.

“Fuck you,” he whispered, and stormed out of the kitchen, walking up to his room.

“Hello, Virgil, may I enter?” Logan said, his voice muffled by the door in between him and the room.

Virgil stayed quiet for a second, then unlocked the door.

Logan slowly opened it, just enough to see Virgil’s face.

“Roman informed me about what happened,” he said quietly.

Virgil just stayed quiet.

“I apologize for my actions. I genuinely have no recollection of the events that have occurred for the past day or so,” Logan continued.

“Who put you up to it?” Virgil asked quietly, his voice slightly rough. (From crying? Who needs to know? It’s nobody’s business what Virgil did behind closed doors.)

“Who put me up to what?” Logan asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“I know you wouldn’t think of that on your own. You may be a dick for doing it, but you’re not that big of a dick. Who put you up to it?” Virgil explained, his tone sharp.

“Virgil, I can assure you that I am not ‘up’ to anything. I have no idea what you are inferring to.”

“Then it was all fake then,” Virgil said quietly. (Yeah sure, he already knew there was no way Logan would ever like him back before, but confirmation that he wouldn’t surely didn’t help to bring up his emotions.

“What was all fake?” Logan asked, completely confused by the entire situation. All he remembers is sitting at the kitchen and taking a moment to regain his surroundings. Then, Virgil walked off like Logan had done something wrong. So, logically, he would ask what he did wrong, so he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. He would never want to intentionally hurt Virgil.

“The weird you. The one who like, fucking liked me or something. The one who made me fucking confess to liking you,” Virgil said, his blush coming back. He looked away, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else but here. (And he did. This was humiliating).

“You...like me?” Logan said, taken aback. Yes, sure, he had feelings of the...romantic variety for Virgil, but it was highly improbable that those feelings were reciprocated. “In what way?” he asked, for clarification. The word ‘like’ could have many different definitions. Virgil could mean in the platonic sense, or that he enjoyed spending time with Logan as a person. There were many other ways Logan could interpret the word other than-

“In the romantic sense you idiot!” Virgil cut off his thinking. “I literally fucking said I love you and act like you have no memories of the entire thing! That’s not fair, Logan. You have no right to play with my emotions like that.”

Logan was taken aback again. Virgil liked him. Nay, Virgil loved him. In a romantic sense.

However, Virgil was also angry at Logan, and Logan was beginning to understand why.

To Logan’s knowledge, Logan’s memories, or actions, were compromised somehow. During the time that he was compromised, Logan had unknowingly made Virgil confess his...emotions to Logan. Once Logan regained composure, he had no recollection of what had happened, and Virgil thought he was faking his memory loss, which, understandably, hurt his feelings. The problem was, Logan currently had no idea how to fix it.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I reciprocate your feelings, Virgil,” Logan said, hoping it would help something.

“Oh, like you can’t be fake now, even though you just were. Nice,” Virgil said, feeling his eyes water again. Fuck.

“Virgil, I-” Logan tried before Virgil cut him off.

“Whatever, Logan. I don’t fucking care anymore. Have fun with your new knowledge,” Virgil said, slamming the door shut, leaving Logan stuck outside, stammering and scrambling for a way to find a solution for the situation, any kind of solution.

this was meant to be crack, i swear. but! i hope you enjoyed! if you'd like, maybe check out my ao3? or consider dropping me a ko-fi? have a wonderful day!!

[d-c-it]

The creativity split didn't only cause the creation of Roman and Remus. It created Virgil too. It changed Deceit.

Back when he was only Tricks, deeply in love with the king creativity was. When Thomas didn't really know what fear was.

The King of Creativity and the Prankster would dance in the biggest castle in the imagination, the most gorgeous salon, only for the two of them.

Deceit can still remember those days. When his face wasn't divided in two, one half not covered by scales. When he wasn't a dark side, just a silly, silly boy.

He remembers the king's smile, hand in hand, as they walked by the gardens. He remembers family dinners, laughter. When even Logan smiled.

He can't pint point when everything went wrong. Or maybe he does.

A silly drawing, perphaps, of Thomas electrocuting his brother.

Deceit remembers laughing at it, when the king showed it to him. Morality, only recently developing that name, didn't find it as fun.

But that was only one of many arguments.

Deceit remembers the day the split took place, years after. He was picking flowers, dandelions to be exact (he wanted to prank Morality into eating one of them, can you blame him?), he remembers entering the mind palace, finding a little hard to reach the living room as if someone had changed the place of everything. He was relieved when he found it, but that relief ended as he crashed accidentally onto someone, falling on his butt and complaining loudly (king always told him he was his drama queen). Falling silent when a stranger offered his help.

'I am deeply sorry' he had said, offering his hand. Pranks had been weirded out but it wasn't that weird for new sides to be formed, however, this one held a creepy resemblance to- 'I am creativity, may I inquire about who you are?'

'What?' he had asked, barely breathing.

'Oh! Pranks! You're back!'

He remembered looking at Morality, Logic fast behind him, looking very upset.

'M-morality, he, he said-'

'This is the new creativity! Version 2.0! What do you think?' smiled Morality, like nothing was wrong. Pranks felt the air leave his lungs.

'King...?' he whispered, looking at the impostor, hoping, hoping it was just a joke. The guy stood straighter and then bowed.

'One day, perhaps, but for now, just a prince.'

Pranks dropped the dandelions.

And screamed.

[thepurpman]

Y'know, one thing I wasn't expecting when I made this post is how many people I've seen sayin how they just always had a really bad feeling about how Patton would often talk to/treat Virgil and just couldn't figure out the words for why they felt that way

[deathsaknockingonmydoor]

Okay idea for unsympathetic patton....

Hes a Karen

Like total Karen

Calls for the manager if somethings wrong, is a chosing begger and loves his kids they can do no wrong etc etc.

He has no real sense of shame and will always cause a scene.

I can imagine him with slightly unsympathetic kid Virgil (I saw slightly because he was raised badly) who gets away with everything and can do no wrong.

Also Patton uses Virgils anxiety as a method to try and get free stuff. I do think out of the two of them Patton is definitely the worst as Virgil never learns consequences for his actions and thus was raised this way. He also uses his mental illnesses as excuses (when hes older like teenager age?) and Patton enables him.

Also he regularly taunts other kids maybe pokes fun at Dee's burn scars? Or makes digs about Remus' family not wanting him? Pulls at Romans insecurities (I also believe he causes a lot of the arguments between the twins)? If the other kids retaliate with harsh words or punches they Virgil immediately goes crying to papa pat saying they were bullying him. Virgil also cheats on tests, copying others answers to make himself look better while not revising or putting any effort.

Logan on the other hand is a teacher, either a science, math or tech teacher and Patton has him wrapped around his finger leading him on and generally making sure he can not get away from the relationship? Guilt trippingTM. Patton is not physically aggressive but he is controlling, verbally and emotionally abusive and coercive.

Would say things like "don't you love me logie?" Or "I'll hurt myself if you don't *example*" just very manipulative.

And there goes all my ideas...

[magpiemorality]

Are We Into It?! pt.5

The Evening

Warnings: arguments, conflict, blaming, guilt, denial of guilt.

First | Previous

***

Dinner was awkward. By mutual agreement Patton, Logan and Roman left Thomas mostly to his own devices, wandering around within visible distance and ending up sat at a table placed on a previously not-there second floor in the tiny italian restaurant their host chose. They tried to talk, but Roman was deep in a sulk and when Roman was in a sulk poor empathetic Patton soon flagged. And it wasn't like Logan was overly invested in forcing conversation when it wasn't necessary.

So they ate their food in near silence, conjured in a rush by Roman when Logan had meaningfully cleared his throat. And then they'd left when Thomas had left and Logan had suggested they go back to the hotel and Roman said he didn't want to and suddenly they were back to arguing.

Patton clapped his hands over his ears. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!" He shouted, eyes blurring with impending tears. "I don't like this, I don't like any of it! Why are we all so sad this is a vacation!"

Roman scowled and folded his arms. "Oh I don't know, maybe because Virgil was being a little b-"

"Roman!" Patton and Logan both rounded on him, gasping in shock. "What is up with you?!"

"I just-" Roman looked panicked, his chest heaving, heart pounding fast. There was something unpleasant mixing there, a combination of bad and worse and worst, until his stomach churned and his chest ached and his eyes prickled and his hands balled into useless fists, unable to fight what came from within. "I feel bad, Pat!" He wailed, falling forwards into Patton's arms and dissolving into sobs. Patton held him, hushing him but looking at Logan with wide eyes over Roman's shoulder. "It's all wrong! And I- I think it's my fault-"

Logan sighed. "Far be it for me to interrupt the one time you're willing to take the blame for your mistakes, but in this case I don't believe your statement is entirely accurate. In the case of your argument with Virgil I perhaps inadvertently exacerbated the problem by going to you first and not giving him quite as equal an opportunity to share his explanation. In the case of your ah, overlooking our two colleagues... well..." He faltered, adjusting his glasses uncertainly. "I'm not so sure there isn't something there to examine a little closer on my own part, actually."

"But Lo!" Patton stared at him, and Roman lifted his head, uncharacteristically messy from the tears. "You haven't done anything wrong. I would know. I would know."

"Would you?" Logan asked softly, suddenly very glad they were not actually stood in the middle of a New York street having this discussion. He felt very unpleasantly hot and had to adjust his collar. Maybe he too, felt bad. "You are our moral compass, Patton. That is not to say it's impossible for you to be wrong about something. Remember when Virgil was upset because you were reducing him to a victimised child figure? Is it so hard to believe that all three of us may have been... mistaken? Fundamentally?"

They stood together in silence in the aftermath of that suggestion, reconsidering and re-examining as much as they could bear to.

---

Back at the hotel Deceit was working very, very hard to keep Thomas from feeling the influx and backwash of negativity from his three most influential sides. He was putting so much effort in that it was giving him a headache, in fact, and Remus had conjured a cooling pad to press to the base of his skull for him.

They both looked up when there was a knock on the door, surprised and startled by the reminder of the outside world. Or well, outside within the inside of Thomas's mind. Somehow. Deceit already had a headache, he didn't need to think about that on top of everything else just then.

"Should I-" Remus waved a hand vaguely in the direction of the sound, still looking shocked. "Open it?"

"I think you should," Deceit replied, voice thin and strained. "If it's one of them then they can explain what the hell is going on."

It was Virgil, offering a weak smile when Remus opened the door. He slipped past Remus and into the room, glancing around with a barely concealed wrinkle of his nose. Deceit's shoulders tensed at the reaction and he gave an answering sarcastic smile of his own. "What do you want, Virgil?" He asked, wondering if this was the envoy from the group asking them to head back home and leave them alone.

"I'm sorry. For Roman, because he won't say it. He shouldn't have- he shouldn't have left you out like that! It was totally uncalled for, and it was rude and he's a jerk and I don't even know why he-"

"Kiddo, kiddo please calm down, I can only hold so much back right now." Remus hurried over at the admission, picking his cooling duty back up, concern written all over his face. Virgil blinked at them, stammering for a moment as he gradually started to frown. "That's, yeah that's better thanks," Deceit muttered, squeezing the hand Remus held out for him.

It took Virgil another few seconds to find the right question to ask, blinking a few times before opening his mouth to ask, "What else are you holding back?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Remus told him shortly. Virgil twitched with restrained hurt, biting back a retort.

"Actually, I would," he said instead, voice carefully calm and cautiously concerned. It had been a long time since he'd been openly sympathetic to either of these two sides, and it took a concerted effort not to balk at the huge potential for rejection. "Is it the others? I've been here the whole time. They went to dinner, so... I don't know about anything going on."

Deceit and Remus shared a look, and Remus subsided with a soft grumble so Deceit could reply. "It's not nothing, alright? All three of them are wildly out of whack right now, and Thomas is- he's fine-" he interjected quickly when Virgil blanched with sudden fear. "He's fine. But it's taking a lot to disconnect them from him right now. You really don't know what's going on?" Remus scoffed at the idea.

Virgil, on the other hand, looked suddenly guilty. Interesting. "Um, I may have an idea?" He said in a small voice.  "It's just," he sat down on the second bed, pulling the ends of his sleeves over his fingers to fidget with. "Well, before they left I had a bit of an argument with them? With Roman, really, but it got a bit ah, out of hand?" Virgil winced, hanging his head so he could peer at them from beneath the safety of his bangs. Remus looked intrigued, lips pushed out, mulling things over. "So they may be a bit upset, about that," Virgil added when the quiet hung for too long without being filled.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to ask them when they get back," Deceit sighed, the headache lessening as some of the edge of desperate wrongness eased off from the three absent sides. "I have a feeling that won't be very long from now."

– Next

[metaphysical-human-being]

Okay more headcanons

So, I was listening to Ghosting by mother mother and I couldn't help but think-

What if, when Remus and Roman both split, nobody wanted Remus. Like, not even de because de had Virgil and Remus scared Virgil so he didn't want Remus cus he loved Virgil.

So Remus stayed in the dark mind space and stuff. He had a room, and deceit always made him food(though it was always cold cus he never called him down for dinner so Remus had to go and get it himself at ungodly hours) but that was it.

He tried to hangout with the other said sides but they always treated him like he wasn't there. Like he was a ghost.

So, when Remus was around ten, he fell into a deep depression. He was always too tired to do anything and didn't act like himself at all.

Now, in Thomas's early twenties, Remus finally decided that he was gonna do everything he could to get himself out of his depression. He started basic self care again and started forcing himself to create. He even changed his style to try and make him happier. He even summoned anti-deppressants!

And it worked! He was finally able to pull himself out of the dark hole he had fallen into for a large portion of his childhood.

Then he "meets" the others(Deceit and Virge included because without Remus, Deceit was accepted at around the same times as Virgil) . He's so excited and rambles on and on.

But all he gets in return are terrified faces and asks to leave.

He still scared them. The reason he wasn't wanted before was because he scared them and he still scared them.

So, he decided to leave permanently.

Not like ducking out but he just lives in his part of the imagination, making sure he's never seem again. And as he leaves, he sings ghosting(his favorite song) and thinks back on his list childhood.

Idk. Just thought it'd be neat.