#slicing up eyeballs
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mentohol-blog · 3 months ago
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Lullaby turns 36 today. Here are Robert Smith’s handwritten lyrics (Source - Slicing up Eyeballs)
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democracyunderground · 1 year ago
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On this day in 1989, De La Soul released their debut album “3 Feet High and Rising” featuring “Plug Tunin'" “Potholes in My Lawn" “Eye Know" “Me Myself and I" “Say No Go" & “Buddy"
It is consistently placed on ‘greatest albums of all time’ lists by noted critics & publications.
Slicing Up Eyeballs
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rudyscuriocabinet · 1 year ago
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‘Do You Remember’ 5-part podcast series to trace origins, legacy of Hüsker Dü
From the venerable Slicing Up Eyeballs: “Minnesota Public Radio’s The Current has just  launched a five-part documentary podcast series called “Do You Remember?” that promises to trace the formative years and legacy of Hüsker Dü through interviews with those who were there as well as the three band members themselves — including Grant Hart, who was interviewed in August, weeks before his…
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strang3lov3 · 2 months ago
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my cat's a pervert too, yesterday i was having my post exam nap and she always bites my face when i'm asleep and she wants food, BUT YESTERDAY SHE DECIDED TO BITE MY FUCKING BOOB
What a little fucker!!
My boobs have been targeted by my cats before. Nothing will ever compare to Gizmo slicing my eyeball 😩 ouchie
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wholemeallbread · 3 months ago
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⟢ CUTTTING FRUIT FOR YOU !
what bllk boys do when you ask them to cut/peel fruit.
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⟢ including ... isagi yoichi, barou shoei, reo mikage, itoshi rin
⟢ notes ... fluff, mentions of knives, mentions of food, picky-ish reader (barou)
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ISAGI YOICHI
makes it his life mission to make sure he does it as perfectly as he can.
he takes three minutes to cut his first slice. then, he spends decades trying to eyeball around the same size, and it ends up being so off.
overthinks it so much. he'll be cutting an apple into slices, and one of them comes out as a square. why? he thought you'd rather have bite sized pieces, and this one was "too big".
you can tell he's beating himself up in his head about it because he can't even look you in the eyes when he serves it to you.
please reassure him cutting fruits is not that serious </3
BAROU SHOEI
you don't have to ask, he's forcing you to eat them.
at least once a day he scolds you about your poor eating habits. you want something sweet? well, he'll give you something sweet. fruit.
if you're particularly reluctant, he'll cut things up in the most extravagant ways possible. even just one grape is too pretty to eat because how did he even make it rose shaped with such a massive knife?
he gives up.
when he serves you fruit, the slices are perfect. no blemishes, no odd cuts, all even sizes, picture perfect. you don't even need to inspect each slice because they're just that perfect.
REO MIKAGE
is already cutting fruit for you before you even ask.
it's almost instinct whenever the two of you end up having a conversation in the kitchen. he doesn't stop talking, just preparing a bowl of mixed fruits with all of your favourites at the same time. he's probably got his house stocked up with everything that you like.
if he knows you're eyeing a piece of fruit because you can't wait, he doesn't hesitate to hold up a chunk that he just cut, feeding it to you.
if you don't want it, he'll make you take it anyway. not only is it healthy and refreshing, but also hydrating; you need to eat some.
ITOSHI RIN
always gives you a funny look when you ask.
like he'll do it, but why him?
is suspiciously good at peeling oranges. he could be ripping the thing apart and it'll come out smooth with no piths sticking to it. that's true skill.
if he really wanted to, he could squeeze one with his bare hands and make juice. (copied from sae) he did it once in summer because you were dying for some "nice, fresh orange juice", and your eyes were basically begging him to do the thing.
honestly he'd rather just give you a bowl of small berries and grapes instead of going through the process of cutting fruit.
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andypantsx3 · 1 year ago
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𝑤𝘩𝑒𝑛 𝑖 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑒 : 𝑡𝑜𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑜𝑘𝑖 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑜 𝑥 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 : 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑖𝑖𝑖
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𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: In order to placate your anxious mother, you agree to return to your hometown to participate in a mating run—knowing full well that betas rarely get chased, never mind betas nearly old enough to age out of the practice. You’ve decided to treat it like a vacation, a chance to visit with your childhood friends, the mating run itself a nice relaxing hike. All in all it’s a solid plan—until alpha Todoroki Shouto, your best friend's little brother,steps in and blows it all to pieces. 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡: omegaverse, no quirks au, alpha!shouto, beta!reader, mating rituals, age gap, best friend’s little brother, older reader, afab reader, some class differences, aged up characters, semi-public sex, slight small town romance vibes, background implied dabihawks for some reason, smut, 18+; mdni! 𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑡ℎ: 5.7k | chapter 3 of 4
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Then
“I want to climb trees, this is so boring,” Touya complained, face down on the sofa.
You flung a piece of plastic pizza at him, laughing when it bounced off his back. Touya turned to give you the evil eye, daggers in his gaze.
“Keigo and Rumi will be here soon, can you just wait?” you asked.
On your other side, Shouto made an unhappy grunt, leaning out from behind you to give Touya a narrow-eyed little gaze. “Y/N is busy. Do not interrupt,” he said primly.
Touya grunted. “Y/N isn’t yours, you little shit. Y/N is my friend.”
Shouto puffed up next to you, little hand gripping your shirt. “Y/N is mine, Touya.” His mismatched gaze was intense where it fixed on his older brother, like he was trying to set him on fire with his eyeballs.
You shifted in between them with years of long practice, blocking their line of sight. Brothers.
“I really want to play house, if only someone would stop arguing and play with me,” you said, making sure to sound extra pathetic. That always got Shouto.
As expected, he immediately abandoned Touya, patting you as if to reassure you. “Of course I will play with you, Y/N,” he pronounced solemnly, like he was declaring some oath of office.
You snorted, turning back to Shouto’s kitchen playset with him. It had been Touya’s first, several years ago when you first visited the Todoroki house. Back then he still deigned to play with it, bossing you around like the alpha of the house, though you didn’t quite think he was going to grow up as one. Then you’d gotten too old for it, preferring video games or board games or ranging around the neighborhood, up to little good.
Today was a rare day that Keigo was permitted to come out and run around the neighborhood with you, but you had to wait for him to get here first with Rumi. And so you’d allowed Shouto to drag you over to the kitchen set while you waited, he its final owner.
“What shall I make you, Mr. Todoroki?” you asked Shouto, shifting the little plastic frying pan around on the wooden stove top. “I make a mean sliced banana. Or a sandwich, or chicken.”
Shouto moved to sit next to you, peering at his options. “I want to make it with you.”
You smiled. “You don’t want me to cook it for you?”
Shouto shook that mop of scarlet and white hair. “I want to do it together.”
You laughed. “Alright, then how about you cut up the veggies for our sides and our sandwich, and I’ll cook the chicken.”
Shouto laid out a myriad of plastic vegetables on the counter, levering his plastic knife through the velcro in their center with great concentration. You tried not to reach out and pinch his cheek for how cute he was. You didn’t understand how Touya got so annoyed with all his younger siblings when they were this sweet.
You got to work frying your plastic pile of chicken, laying it out on fake plates across the carpet when you were done. Shouto carefully placed the sliced vegetables next to it, and then the two of you bent over the pieces of a sandwich, layering in the plastic onion, tomato, lettuce, and bread.
“Shall we make you up a plate, Touya?” you asked. Touya just flashed you a rude gesture from the couch.
“This is only for you,” Shouto insisted, pushing your plate at you. You grinned down at him, passing over the fake cutlery.
“Well thank you, chef Shouto. I am honored to be worthy enough of your cooking,” you said.
Shouto’s little cheeks flushed, as if embarrassed. He pretended to take a bite out of his sandwich, and then a swig out of his fake bottle of milk.
“So, how was work?” he asked, out of nowhere.
You blinked at him, then startled into another laugh. Oh, so he wanted to play real house, like you were married. So funny.
You pretended to take a thoughtful bite of your own meal. “Very busy and tiring,” you said. “I couldn’t wait to come home.”
Shouto scooted a little bit closer to you, pushing some of his fake veggies at you, their velcro innards rolling. “You need to eat a lot to keep your energy,” he pronounced. “Until I can make enough money that you do not have to work so hard.”
You grinned. So he thought he was going to be the breadwinner, huh? Not super traditional for an omega, but times were changing. You couldn’t imagine an alpha who wouldn’t want to provide for sweet little Shouto, though, so that was something he and his life mate were going to have to negotiate.
“We’re already rich, idiot,” Touya said from the couch. “Mom said we all have an inheritance.”
Shouto’s eyebrow twitched, like he was annoyed Touya was intruding on this private domestic discussion.
“Then you can have my inheritance,” he insisted to you, though you knew he had absolutely no idea what that meant.
You pretended to think on this.
“What if I use some of it to open my bookstore, and then pay you back the profits?” you asked.
Touya thought your dream of a bookstore was stupid, so you anticipated his annoyed grunt from the couch. But you still liked the idea of it. Ever since you were little, you’d wanted to own one of the brick-faced shops right along the waterfront, somewhere you could walk to from your house. You’d pile it high with thousands of books and plants and string-lights and have all your friends come over after hours to hang out.
You didn’t want to leave your hometown like so many people did. You wanted to make a home right here on the coast, where you could watch over your mom and hang out with Shouto and Touya and Keigo and Rumi.
Though these days you’d become aware that starting a business required upfront money first. Hopefully you would figure out how to get some by the time you graduated highschool. But the Todoroki inheritance would work nicely for your fantasy bookstore.
“You do not have to pay me back the profits,” Shouto insisted. “If we are married.”
You laughed. “Right, right. Then they’re our profits.”
“This is sickening,” Touya said, his voice muffled into a pillow.
You wiggled your eyebrows at Shouto, considering saying something that would bait Touya, but then the doorbell rang. Touya shot up off the couch, rushing over to let in his saviors.
“Looks like Keigo and Rumi are here,” you told Shouto. “Thank you for a delicious dinner.”
Some tiny flicker crossed Shouto’s serious little face, something like annoyance, which you so rarely saw on him. “I want to make it together again.”
You nodded, patting his fluff of multicolored hair. “Yeah, we’ll do it again. Next time we’ll even do dessert, okay?”
Shouto looked momentarily appeased. “And you’ll eat it all. So you have energy.”
You laughed, yanking on one of the strands of his hair fondly. “Absolutely. You take such good care of me, Shouto.”
A pleased little smile turned the corner of his mouth. He placed a hand on your knee as you heard Keigo and Rumi spill into the house, the rustle of Rumi and Touya immediately tussling.
“I will take good care of you always,” Shouto said seriously. “You have my word.”
“I trust it,” you said. And you knew he meant it.
Todoroki Shouto was such a sweet boy, and he was going to make someone a very good not-pretend husband one day. You waved to him as Rumi looped a nut-brown arm over your neck, pulling you outside.
These days, you’d been aware that life was not going to be as stable as you’d always assumed it would be as you grew up. But you hoped you’d still be around to see Shouto grow up too, married and happy like that with his own real life partner some day.
You wondered where you would be when that finally happened.
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Now
The next few days proved a test of your resolution to be normal about Shouto.
Everywhere you went, it seemed like Shouto was there—or maybe you were the problem, finding yourself drawn to wherever he was.
You took meals at the Todoroki house a couple more times, eating them out of house and home like you had as a teen—Shouto always stopping by too to eat something on his way on or off a shift. Twice your morning runs had taken you by the fire station, only to see a pair of mismatched eyes tracking you curiously from the engine bay, burning hot on your back as you quickly scurried away, feeling insane.
Shouto joined Touya when he met you and Rumi and Keigo for drinks one evening, Touya looking just as chagrined to have his baby brother tagging along as he had when you were kids.
“Shouto-duty,” he’d growled, the same as when you were little and he was charged with Shouto’s care. Shouto’s face had gone carefully blank, the paragon of innocence, and you’d laughed as he angled himself into the booth across from you.
Of course you’d quickly shut up when he’d pressed his calf up against yours, his long legs unfurling under the table. You’d quickly jerked your leg aside to make space for him, but he stretched out further, an ankle pressing to yours. He didn’t seem to mind, although it made your face warm for some reason.
Shouto had been good company, and had patiently endured Rumi’s hair ruffling and Keigo’s incessant teasing. He’d even walked you home at the end of the evening, like a protective alpha, even though you were not an omega and could damn well take care of yourself. And he’d lingered as you’d unlocked the door, smiling his tiny, careful little smile, and looking almost like he was waiting for something.
You’d bitten out a strangled good night and quickly barricaded yourself inside the house, lest you do something stupid.
That had the unfortunate effect of making you feel even more like a girl returning home from a date, however, and your mother had been almost beside herself with glee when she’d caught a hint of Shouto’s scent as you’d jerked the door closed behind you.
“An alpha?” she’d prompted again, abandoning her soap opera to lean over the couch arm eagerly.
“It’s just Shouto,” you’d explained hastily, waving your arms, a little loose with the drinks you’d had. “It’s not anything.”
Your mother’s eyebrows had gone up. “I thought he was your child bride.”
You hissed, shushing her, casting a stricken glance at the open window. You hoped Shouto had turned around immediately and gotten out of hearing range or you were going to have to kill your own mother.
“He is like my orderly, helping me off the shuttle back into the retirement home,” you said, turning and emphatically shedding your jacket and shoes, effectively ending the conversation.
But that hadn’t been the end of it. You’d seen Shouto a million times more since then, culminating in a final sighting the night before the run.
You’d ducked out to the grocery, intent on gathering up a day’s worth of supplies for the run. For most people it was over within a few hours—omegas had a thirty minute head start but usually went no further than a mile out, the ritual no longer the strict test of a mate it might have been back before things like showers and wifi and nine-to-fives were invented. But you always went to the coast, a hike of at least an hour or two, and you needed to stay up your tree for at least a few more while the more daring omegas who’d come out around you were summarily hunted down and properly bedded.
With the hike back accounted for, it usually took up most of the day, and you’d long learned your time was best spent with a book, a few bottles of water, and several snacks on hand.
You recognized Shouto’s distinctive mop of hair and broad shoulders as soon as you turned onto the produce aisle. He’d seemed somehow to sense you already—though betas were notoriously harder to scent than omegas—mismatched eyes already pinned to you as you rounded the corner.
You startled, your basket jerking in your grip.
“Hi Shouto,” you said, sidling up to him.
Shouto watched you approach, a tiny smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Y/N,” he intoned, peering curiously into your basket. A long-fingered, elegant hand reached out to touch the snacks you’d gathered there, everything but the apple you’d been targeting when you’d turned into this aisle.
“For the run?” Shouto guessed, eyes darting back up to catch yours.
You could feel your face flushing in acknowledgement of the ridiculousness of your participation. “Yes,” you said, dredging up a grin. You were happy to see him. “With any luck, and a heaping dollop of guilt, hopefully my last ever. I’m going all out.”
Something flickered behind Shouto’s eyes, a sort of glint you’d never seen before. For some reason the hair on the back of your neck raised. Maybe an alpha thing.
“With any luck,” he repeated, his voice rich, strangely deep.
You wiggled your basket of snacks at him. “What about you? Making preparations for the big day?”
Shouto’s eyes followed the basket as you dropped it back down to your side. “Yes. I was hoping to make something, for after.”
Your eyebrows shot up, a wave of helpless affection for him rising in you. “For your life mate? To take them home to?”
Shouto nodded, his scarlet and white strands falling into his eyes. He was so, so good.
You couldn’t help but reach out and pinch him, right on his rib cage. “You are too pure to be related to your family.”
Shouto blinked, eyelashes fluttering. His gaze was a little darker where it caught yours again. “I would not be so sure.”
You took a step back, slightly startled by this assertion. Another flush heated your cheeks, and you pinched him again for good measure. “Respect your elders�� opinions, brat.”
Shouto’s gaze softened, and he stepped closer, catching your fingers in his before you could do too much damage. Your heart hammered to a stop in your chest, your hand suddenly burning beneath his.
“Let me make you something,” he said, his tone dipping low again.
A surprised breath escaped you. “Like lunch? For tomorrow?”
Shouto watched you for a long moment before answering. “That, as well.”
“Oh, then you meant like, for dinner tonight?” You frowned, wracking your brain for his meaning, and coming up short.
That wry little smile played about Shouto’s mouth again. “Yes, dinner tonight, too.”
You squinted at him, unclear what he was trying to do here. “Touya says you’re a shit cook and that’s why you come eat all Rei’s cooking.”
Shouto’s face went pointedly blank. “I am passable.”
“I’ve heard conflicting reports.”
“Then perhaps you can help me.” Shouto’s fingers curled around yours more tightly. “I will purchase, and you direct the operation.”
Your mind suddenly flickered back, catching the wisp of an afternoon years ago, bent over Shouto’s fake plastic cookware, a tiny, round-faced Shouto insisting he’d provide for you. Cooking together, you directing Shouto to cut the plastic veggies along their velcro strips while you diligently fried your plastic chicken. Your heart swelled.
“In the interest of you not food poisoning your life mate your first night together, I’m willing to show you a thing or two,” you said, peering up at him, feeling slightly giddy.
Shouto’s mouth quirked. “I will watch carefully.”
You grinned. “Alright. What are we thinking for meals then?”
It turned out Shouto already had a plan in mind—fried chicken karaage, with marinated vegetable sides, and for lunch some jam-packed wanpaku sandwiches to keep your energy up out in the preserve tomorrow. He made a second pass through the snack aisle, seeming to pull in doubles or triples of everything you’d collected in your basket so far. Then he even snuck in two pieces of chocolate cake in the bakery section, crowned with little dollops of fresh whipped cream.
Shouto dumped your entire basket into his as well, holding you off with a strong arm when you made a grab for it, and ignored your protests all the way through checkout.
“Shouto, that’s my lunch, I should pay,” you insisted, getting a little hot in the face again when he was easily able to fend you off with one arm despite your genuine efforts. God, that was—you needed to not think about that.
“I once promised to take good care of you,” Shouto said, leading the way out of the store. You followed, realizing you had no idea where he lived now.
“You were a baby. You also promised me your entire inheritance,” you said, rolling your eyes. “Plus starting tomorrow you are going to have a life mate to provide for.”
Shouto turned to look down at you, eyes dragging down your face. “I will.”
“Okay then we’re agreed,” you said, digging around in your bag for his change. Shouto’s stride lengthened, however, like he was trying to dodge you. You hurried after him, swearing like Touya, and found yourself all but chasing him towards the waterfront, suddenly freezing when Shouto turned onto one of the shop-lined streets, stopping just before a familiar little brick building.
“Shouto—you live above this?” you asked, creeping forward to look in through the window.
The shop stood empty, as it had the day you’d graduated high school, but you could see it was well-maintained, new flooring installed in a warm light wood and windows shined to crystal clarity. “I used to be obsessed with this place, this is where I thought my bookshop was going to be!” you said, unsure if you were talking to Shouto or yourself.
The soft clink of Shouto’s key paused in the door. “I know,” he said. “I remember you telling me.”
You turned back to him, smiling. “That was a million years ago and you were like, barely out of the womb.”
Shouto’s eyes pinned you with an alarming intensity, grey and blue points burning through you. “I remember everything you have ever told me.”
Your breath wooshed out of you, leaving you startlingly vulnerable. You desperately scrambled for verbal cover. “I—you are so full of it. You weren’t even speaking words yet when I met you.”
Shouto’s mouth quirked again, and he gestured you inside. You followed behind him, trying not to admire the way his broad shoulders filled up the breadth of the stairwell, the way his thighs bunched in his jeans as he took the stairs.
No. That way lay danger.
Shouto’s apartment had the same lovely blonde wood across the floors as the shop downstairs, and a huge bay window overlooking the coast where you imagined you could see the sun come up over the water in the mornings. The rest of the apartment was modern in style, though strangely minimalist, as though Shouto hadn’t filled it with very many of his own things.
“My life mate will need room,” he explained, unloading the groceries on the counter.
Your heart twisted at that, and you purposefully set about drinking in your fill of Shouto’s space before someone else filled it in for him. You admired the large, cushiony couch, chosen as if Shouto had imagined a thousand nights cuddled up on it with someone else, what appeared to be a super old but working fireplace, and the neatly arranged rows of hanging copper pots, which you could tell almost never got used.
It smelled like him, his alpha scent everywhere, like sweet campfire smoke on a cold breeze. It made you want to curl up in here and never leave.
“It’s amazing, Shouto. Your mate is going to just die over this,” you said, totally charmed.
You tried hard to ignore the little tinge of jealousy souring your gut.
Shouto’s gaze flashed up to yours, his long fingers arranging the groceries neatly on his countertops. “I would prefer if no one died,” he said solemnly.
You laughed. “You know what I mean.”
“I had hoped you would like it,” Shouto said, something pleased in his deep tone.
“I love it. You’ll have to invite me back over next time I’m in town,” you said.
Shouto’s fingers hesitated over a tomato, and a small, shy sort of smile pulled at his mouth as he peered down at it. “Perhaps even sooner.”
You blinked, mystified. You weren’t going to have time before you left for the city again, not with the run tomorrow, and definitely not if Shouto spent the traditional several days curled up here with his life mate afterwards.
“Yeah sometime,” you said vaguely, trying not to think too hard on it.
You had sort of enjoyed being Shouto’s favorite when you were kids, your time and attention prioritized even above Touya’s. But Shouto was all grown up now and it was time for him to have a new favorite—you probably hadn’t been his since you’d graduated and disappeared into the city to generate parental support money. It had been years.
“Anyway let’s get this stuff prepped, sous-chef Shouto,” you said, coming around the counter to his side. “I’m thinking the old plan of attack—you slice the veggies, I’ll fry the chicken?”
Shouto’s mouth pulled in a wider smile than you’d seen in a long time, a heart-stoppingly handsome flash of white. You gripped the counter carefully.
“I’d like that,” he said.
He set himself up with a knife and a cutting board, and set you up with a few small bowls for breading, flour, and egg. You noticed he sliced his vegetables a little more dexterously than the velcro veggies of years past—though certainly not expertly. The two of you worked in easy tandem as you whisked the egg, then laid all your chicken pieces out as you waited for the pot on the stove to warm.
The peace was only broken when Shouto suddenly leaned over you, bringing with him a puff of that delicious campfire scent. Your breath reflexively seized in your lungs as you froze, hyperaware of him as his hand went to the side of your hip. He gently pulled you out of range of one of his drawers, moving you like you were an expected piece of his kitchen—like his life mate he was long-used to dancing around, pressing close enough that you could feel the heat of him.
Something like electricity spiked across all of your nerve endings. You tried not to shiver with the feeling of Shouto’s soft exhale over your shoulder, the heavy weight of his hand on your hip as he slid open one of his drawers.
It took you a few moments to recover enough that you realized he’d been pulling out plastic wrap. He hadn’t been curled over your back just for the intimacy of it—god, you were such a fucking creep.
You peeled yourself out of Shouto’s hands and beat a hasty retreat to his fridge, scrounging around for the ingredients you’d need to make the vegetable seasonings. The warm kabocha and fried chicken were going to make perfect leftovers for Shouto and his mate to scarf down after a windy run along the coast tomorrow.
Maybe you’d try to make something similar when you made it back to your mom’s tomorrow. Although, come to think of it, you didn’t really want to be reminded of Shouto stuffed up back here with someone else.
A frown pulled at your mouth, and you pinched your thigh, gathering yourself back together. What Shouto did with his own life mate was none of your business. You needed to remember that.
When Shouto finished cutting up the vegetables you helped him arrange everything into two enormous sandwiches, then covered in plastic wrap and stowed in his fridge to set. He watched you carefully as you fried the chicken, hovering closely behind you like a tall, handsome shadow. You fought against some strange impulse to lean back against his chest, watching the chicken burble in the oil with an intense focus. Shouto didn’t seem to mind the sudden quiet, smiling a small half-smile when you turned back to him.
When it seemed ready, you fished the chicken out, setting it on paper towels to absorb the excess. Shouto followed you, taking hold of your face as you turned back to him.
You froze for the second time, pulse racing, as his fingers came up to brush along your cheek, just under your eye. The touch was gentle but firm, and his gaze swept over you assessingly. He seemed to linger for a long moment—until he came away with flour across his thumb.
A weird sense of disappointment twisted your gut as Shouto looked it over. How embarrassing.
“Oh, thanks,” you managed to say, swiping at your face yourself.
Shouto’s mouth quirked softly. “As I said, I did once promise to take care of you.”
Your face went warmer, and you deliberately did not think about how much you liked that. The only person taking care of you was you, and it was going to have to be that way for the foreseeable future. Flour was only flour.
“Again, you were a baby. You needed taking care of more than me,” you accused.
Shouto shifted closer, an intent look settling over his features. “I am not a child any longer.”
That much was upsettingly clear these days. But that was beside the point.
“Neither of us are,” you agreed. “And I assure you, other than the occasional flour mishap, I am excellent at taking care of myself now. You on the other hand, with all these unused pots…”
Shouto’s eyes lingered on your face. To your horror he absently brought his thumb to his mouth, tongue barely flicking out to lick the flour—and that ended the discussion immediately.
Your face immediately flamed, overcome with shit you absolutely should not be thinking, and you shooed him away to fetch plates. Shouto let himself be shooed, looking contemplative.
When he returned with plates, you busied yourself serving up two large portions of rice, followed by crispy golden fried chicken, cucumber salad, and soft, steaming kabocha. It all looked excellent, if you did say so yourself, practically Michelin-starred compared to the plastic meal you’d made together all those years ago.
Shouto led you over to the coffee table and you both took positions on the floor, your back against his couch.
“This reminds me so much of when we were little,” you said, grinning. “Except the couch is mercifully devoid of any complaining.”
The indent at the side of Shouto’s mouth deepened. “I prefer the lack of Touya as well.”
You laughed, biting into your chicken, pleased when it tasted as good as it looked. Hopefully Shouto’s life mate was going to love it. Shouto looked like he liked it too, his long eyelashes fluttering over the tops of his cheekbones as he chewed. Your stomach flipped.
“So how was work?” you asked Shouto, flipping the script on him from when he was younger.
An electric blue eye cut sideways towards you, like he remembered too.
“Very busy and tiring,” he repeated, almost an exact parroting of your words, if you remembered correctly. “I could not wait to come home.”
“You really do remember a lot,” you said, impressed.
Shouto took a mouthful of squash, chewing neatly. Was it normal to look that pretty when eating?
“As I said,” he said, something slightly smug in his voice.
You rolled your eyes—Todorokis—and took your own mouthful of food, chewing thoughtfully.
“You’re so similar and yet so different,” you informed him when you’d finished. “I’m sad I missed you graduating school, and the academy. You’ve really grown up into an amazing person, Sho.”
Shouto’s chopsticks wavered over his plate, and a pink flush stained his cheeks.
“I had always wanted you to think so, when we were younger,” he said slowly, eyes fixed on his plate.
You smiled. “You were so cute. I was always going to think so. Even when I thought you were going to grow up an omega and had no idea what career you might have wanted. You were just good, I think.”
The tip of Shouto’s ear went red, almost matching the left side of his hair.
You couldn’t help but continue, warmed by how much the praise clearly meant to him. “Touya was my best friend but I liked spending the time with you, even though you were that much younger. I am sorry I haven’t been able to stick around and spend more of it with you.”
Shouto took a deliberate bite of rice, like he was calming himself.
“Your job in the city,” he said, when he finished. “Do you like it?”
You shook your head, snorting. “It’s fine. If I had a say I’d be running that storefront just below us, but my job is at least guaranteed money for mom. I don’t mind, though I do regret not coming back here enough.”
Shouto seemed to take a moment to think on this. “But you would quit it, if you could,” he said.
You nodded. “Yeah, I think so. But like I said, it’s not so bad. And it’s pretty good money for a single income if I do say so myself.”
Shouto turned to watch you. “It would be easier if you had your life mate,” he said.
You paused, considering the weight of this statement. “Well yeah. But as you know, not everyone finds theirs. And as a beta I’m sort of stuck waiting for my life mate to find me—I’ve sometimes wondered if any of those alphas I hid up a tree from were actually it, all those years ago. But something tells me no. So I’m doing my own thing in the meantime.”
“Do you hope to find your life mate, this time?” Shouto asked, pinning you with an intense look. He’d abandoned his food it seemed, watching you with singular focus. It was slightly unnerving.
You wondered how best to answer without making him pity you.
“I’ve always hoped, but I’ve never counted on it,” you said. “But one thing is for certain—I wouldn’t accept just anyone. I’m not going to end up like my parents did.”
Shouto’s fingers shifted on the table top, and he seemed to be holding them out to you. You carefully placed your hand in his, gratified when his hand closed over yours, thumb smoothing your skin.
“You are not,” Shouto said, sounding sure. “You will have a life mate who has cared for you and will care for you his whole life.”
He sounded like he meant it. He was so sweet all these years later.
You flushed, embarrassed by his declaration. “Okay. I’ll—trust you on that.”
Shouto looked satisfied, letting your hand go so you could return to your food. You both scarfed down the rest of your meals, like the two of you were storing up enough energy for tomorrow, and then Shouto pressed a slice of chocolate cake on you, too, insistent.
He watched you eat it with the supervisory focus of a mother—or an alpha with his omega, a thought that you immediately put back out of mind.
You let him feed you too much, happy for the extra time in his company, laughing and chatting and reliving shared memories. You insisted on helping him with the dishes, too, washing everything as he packed up the leftovers, and then sorted out your prepared sandwich and the snacks he’d purchased for you. He didn’t let you out of his sight even as he did so, moving in front of you to block your access to your bag when you remembered you owed him money.
Shouto kept hold of it on the way to the door, too, so you couldn’t dig out cash and fling it before running out—he really did know too much about you after all these years.
Once he surrendered your bag to you, he leaned forward, fingers finding the side of your face again, cupping it and turning it up to his.
You went perfectly, embarrassingly still in his hold, breath coming short. His thumb smoothed across your cheek, and a private little smile pulled at his mouth.
“I will see you tomorrow,” he promised, his tone rich and dark, like the chocolate cake you’d just had.
You barely resisted a shiver, having to manually kickstart your lungs again, breathing in and out deliberately.
“Only if your life mate goes so far,” you said. “I hope for your sake they keep things easy.”
Shouto’s smile widened a bit. “They will not.”
You tried not to be too irritated at whoever it was. Only an idiot would make it so hard for an alpha like Todoroki Shouto.
“Well then, good luck,” you told him. “I’ll be on the lookout for you from my tree. And I’ll have snacks if you need them.” You rattled your bag.
Shouto’s eyes roved over your face, something warm in his gaze. “You will see me,” he said. “Though I do not plan to need any luck.”
Okay that was—he was not allowed to be that confident. That damn omega had no idea how lucky they were.
It took everything you had to wrench yourself away from him, only the knowledge that he was meant for someone else carrying you away. You made yourself salute him, smiling. Then you bid him good night, promising to text him when you got in, and scurried off to your mother’s house, trying to put yourself on the right track again.
You scolded yourself as you readied for bed, dropping a kiss on your mother’s head as you passed her asleep on the couch. You would not be a weenie about this. You were, at least, glad that Shouto was going to find his happiness tomorrow.
Even if you envied them even more tonight after seeing the life Shouto had built for them to share. Even if you wished, despite all odds, that you could find a life mate to share yours, too.
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snail-day · 9 days ago
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TW: Yandere crack fic, slight gore, suggestive, Gojo murders people, mdni
Yandere Fruit Stand Worker! Gojo thinks this is the most romantic job he’s ever had. Not that he needs a job, he’s filthy rich and unhinged and saw you walk by once and decided this fruit cart was his destiny.
He sets up shop outside your workplace every day. Wearing sunglasses, an apron with a chibi banana on it, and absolutely nothing else on top.
Shirt? Gone.
Abs? Present.
Hair? Fluffy and windswept just for you, baby.
Every two minutes - exactly- he strikes a new pose. Arms behind his head, chest puffed, cheeky wink. Flexing like he’s making you your own personal thirst trap. Seriously, he’s tried making you record him for your “private collection.” Said you can think about him at midnight, but the fruit isn’t going to be on the table if you call him over.
“This one’s called the ‘Peach Cobbler Crusher 😘.’”
You: “What the fuck.”
Him: “Language! You’re in front of the baby melons 🍈🍈”
You stop for fruit exactly once, and now he thinks you’re soulmates. He gives you so much fruit. Cups overflowing with honeydew, watermelon, a carved rose-shaped mango, a pineapple slice with a heart poked out in the middle. You try to hand it back, “This is too much. I can’t eat all this.”
He gasps and throws you a wink, a little finger heart next to his pretty blue eyes. “But baby… if I don’t give you all my love in fruit form, how will you know how much I care?”
You blink. “I literally just wanted a $3 fruit cup. Not your love.”
He winks and croons. Loudly. “And now you have my heart in a biodegradable container!”
At least he cares about the environment; you’ll give him that. Doesn’t even give you a fork, but does offer you to eat the fruit off his abs. When you make a face, he sighs and says, “Fineee,” then feeds you with his fingers instead.
After that, you tried to avoid him. Like actually tried. But the fruit stand keeps popping up. New corner. New city. New country. You moved to Canada, and he opened up Gojo’s Melons across the street like, “Surprise! ✨ Want a smoothie?”
Also, every time you go on a date? That person disappears. Last guy said, “Isn’t that the weird fruit vendor who keeps doing bicep curls with papayas?” and vanished the next day. You got a fruit salad the morning after with a ring in it. Not your ring. Just… a ring. A huge-ass diamond.
So you called the cops. They were impressed with his bicep curls. Lunges. Squats.
And Gojo, who’s still posing:
“This one’s called the ‘Forbidden Fruit Fondle 😘.’”
You: “You’re going to jail.”
Gojo: “Only if it’s roleplay 😏 I'll let you pick top or bottom bunk.”
The cops didn’t arrest him. One of them is using that line on their Tinder profile now. Just what is wrong with this police force?
The worst part is that the fruit is incredible. Must be imported or something. You can’t stop going back. He started putting little love notes in your kiwi. One time, you found a picture of the two of you photoshopped in wedding attire. You never took that photo.
You sigh, holding your overflowing cup. “Do you have to pose every two minutes?”
He’s mid-handstand on the fruit cart. Apron flapping. Banana between his teeth. “Gotta keep the muscles juicy for you, angel 😚🍑”
You seriously need to stop blushing when he calls you ���his little cantaloupe.” And possibly call the cops again, because you’re pretty sure you’re watching him clean his knife, and it still has your Tinder date’s eyeball stuck on it.
You are not surviving this. But you are hydrated.
Don't worry, your little fruit stand worker is going to make sure you have all that vitamin C before he gives you his vitamin D.
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corvessa · 10 days ago
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A Pesto Masterclass, A Little Bit Of Roasting, And A Whole Lot Of Love
a/n: okay i know i've said in the first post that its model/actor theo, but i just know this man would be a mad cook, also i will try and make something more related to his career i promise you, for now you'll have to live with a cute cooking stream <3
Summary: During a surprise kitchen stream, the reader hands over control to their charming, perfectionist boyfriend Theo, who confidently cooks authentic Pesto alla Genovese while playfully roasting the reader’s past cooking fails. Between Theo’s precise culinary skills and their easy, affectionate banter, the stream turns into a cozy, heartwarming moment full of teasing, casual kisses, and chat’s emotional meltdown over their genuine, effortless love.
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The camera flickered on.
Instead of your usual studio backdrop, chat was greeted with the warm lighting of your shared kitchen — a sleek, marble island centered in frame, black cabinets bathed in golden morning light, and a suspicious absence of LED lights or chaotic desktop clutter.
- HELLO?? - kitchen stream??? - she’s never willingly entered that zone before
You appeared from off-screen, already grinning. “Alrighty, chat! We’re mixing it up today. No studio, no monitors, no code—don’t panic. It’s a cooking stream. Well—technically not my cooking stream.”
You stepped fully into frame and gestured dramatically. “It is, in fact, a stream starring my beautiful, talented, extremely Italian boyfriend, Theo.”
- freaks out in all caps - KING THEO IS IN THE BUILDING - finally the content we DESERVE
You clasped your hands together, smug. “Now, why not me, you ask? Great question. I’ve been banned from the kitchen ever since I managed to cut my finger while slicing a mango. A mango, chat. It wasn’t even moving.”
From behind the camera, a low voice chimed in. “She cut herself before the knife touched the fruit.”
You ignored him. “So today, I’m moral support. And also tech support. Because Theo, despite his many talents, doesn’t know how to operate a stream.”
- imagine being banned from your own kitchen - we’re all here for theo anyway let’s be honest - i love her but she’s a menace
And then he appeared: Theodore, hair messy, sleeves rolled, eyes already scanning the countertop like a Michelin-star chef about to reclaim his rightful throne.
“Ciao,” he said smoothly, nodding once at the camera with an infuriatingly perfect smirk. “Today we’re making Pesto alla Genovese. Properly. No weird substitutions. No food processors. No... pink glitter salt.”
Your eyes narrowed. “I knew you were gonna bring that up.”
“We share a kitchen, darling,” Theo replied, starting to unpack his ingredients. “I’m haunted daily.”
- HAUNTED 💀💀💀 - i want to be bullied by him so bad - he said glitter salt like it personally offended him
Theo held up a small container and gave the camera a deadpan look. “She also owns heart-shaped measuring spoons. And a whisk that sparkles.”
You gasped. “And you love it here.”
He didn’t argue. Just turned back to toast the pine nuts like a man trying to preserve his dignity.
Soon, he had everything set up in a neat row: fresh basil, garlic cloves, pine nuts, grated parmesan, olive oil. You peeked over his shoulder, arms crossed.
“You know you’re intimidating chat right now, right?”
“Good,” he murmured. “Someone needs to hold them accountable for using garlic powder in pasta.”
- he’s coming for everyone - that wasn’t even directed at me and i feel attacked - i’ve never peeled garlic in my life
Theo worked like he’d done this in another life — measured, precise, talking through each step in that warm, quiet voice that somehow made basil emulsification sound romantic. But you weren’t really listening.
You were too busy sneaking pine nuts.
“Stop eating the ingredients,” he said without turning.
“You didn’t measure them.”
“I eyeballed them.”
“You say that, but then judge me when I do it.”
“Because you eyeball salt like you’re trying to kill someone.”
Eventually, the pasta was cooked and plated: a perfect swirl, topped with vibrant pesto, a bit of parmesan, and a basil leaf, as if he were serving royalty.
He slid one bowl in front of you with a little flourish. “Your Highness.”
You took one bite — and immediately groaned. “Oh my god. I hate you.”
He raised an eyebrow. “That good?”
“It’s criminal. I can never eat jarred pesto again.”
“I told you. You’ve been committing basil-related war crimes for years.”
- BASIL WAR CRIMES - i can’t believe this is a real couple - this is marriage coded i don’t care
You narrowed your eyes. “Don’t act like you didn’t fall for me while I was still microwaving pasta in a mug.”
“That wasn’t a courtship,” he said. “That was an intervention.”
As you both ate, the chat slowed — heart emotes taking over, chaos turning into cozy. Theo sat beside you now, elbow resting on the counter, watching you chew with a small smile. Like he didn’t need to say anything.
And then, mid-bite, he reached over to swipe his thumb across your cheek.
You blinked. “Did you just—on stream?”
“There was pesto on your face,” he said simply.
- screams in lowercase - they’re so casual about it i’m LOSING MY MIND - someone hold me
And just when things couldn’t get any worse for chat’s emotional stability, Theo leaned over and pressed a kiss to your cheek. Casual. Like he’d done it a thousand times before. And he did, just not on stram.
You didn’t move. Chat absolutely exploded.
He just picked up his fork again. “Do they always scream this much?”
You shrugged. “You kissed me on camera. You did this to yourself.”
“I’m beginning to understand.”
By the time both bowls were empty and the contented silence set in, you leaned back in your seat with a sigh. “Okay, fine. You win. This was perfect.”
“I always win,” Theo replied, and the worst part was — he didn’t even sound smug. Just matter-of-fact. Like gravity.
You smirked toward the camera. “Alright, chat. I’m gonna end stream before Theo gets recruited by some Food Network exec in the comments.”
Theo reached over and flicked one of your sparkly measuring spoons. “Let it be known, I disapprove of glitter in food.”
- you don’t get a say you kissed her - he’s literally glitter-proof. i love him.
You clicked a few things on your stream deck and waved at the camera. “Thanks for hanging out with us today, nerds. Back to your regularly scheduled tech gremlin chaos next stream.”
“And no more glitter salt,” Theo added, just as the screen faded to black.
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the-booty-crusader · 6 months ago
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BinggeYuan streamer x video game fic
There’s a rumor going around the gaming community. It sounds a bit like one of those old creepypastas, although without a punchline.
You see, in the hyper popular cultivation-based MMORPG called “Proud Immortal Demon Way”, there’s an encounter that can happen at any time, that is different from any other encounter in the game.
It can only happen once to a player in a lifetime; strangely enough it does not even repeat when a player switches accounts and locations. 
The encounter is generally only a few seconds long, and with how rarely it’s encountered, there’s only a scant few pieces of proof that it’s even real.
To most players in the game, this encounter is a fun easter egg to be seen once, ask about online, get validation that many others have experienced the same and then wonder about it from time to time.
For one streamer, the encounter would change his life as he knew it.
A few months before the first encounter…
“Thanks for the gifted subs, BouncingPlum! Always appreciated.” said Peerless Cucumber, an up-and-coming gaming streamer who’d garnered a fairly large following of Chinese, American and most importantly, Chinese-American viewers. Shen Yuan, being a second generation Chinese in an immigrant family was a slight young man due to complications with his health, but his personality was feisty, temperamental and passionate, if his viewers were to be believed.
Specifically about his favorite game, Proud Immortal Demon Way. 
He streamed a few times a week, with his over 4500 followers usually being fairly consistent viewers.
In these streams, Peerless Cucumber would show off crazy character builds, new monsters and herbs that were added or discovered and locations that opened up. 
“Oh, this is the cave of the Roaring Eye Toad! I’ve mentioned it before. When you first encounter it,” Shen Yuan starts, walking up to the gigantic toad in the back of the half-flooded cave, “It looks like a regular toad. But when it attacks…”
The toad played an attack animation, revealing that the creature’s gigantic mouth was, in fact, a gigantic eyeball that immediately locked onto Shen Yuan. Where a regular toad’s eyes should be, two smaller mouths opened up with long tongues whipping around it. 
It looked a bit odd, but really, that’s why Shen Yuan liked the creatures in this game. They were so cool, and a bit weird and sometimes silly.
Oh, Shen Yuan spent as much time complaining about the game as he did praising it. The mechanics were more often than not contrived or weird and most of the time ended up being weirdly lewd! Why did each piece of clothing come with three submodels that could be triggered when coming in contact with slicing weapons or acid?! Was it necessary to destroy players’ clothes when attacked?! 
That was the reason why almost every other player in PIDW was walking around in a female avatar. They just wanted to see the clothes get ripped off of their characters. Bah!
Not to mention the erotic animations and voice lines! The female player characters were absolutely horrendous in that regard, always moaning and panting and every voice line seems to be a sexual innuendo.
Truly a hateable game.
It had a saving grace, however. The worldbuilding was absolutely phenomenal. The animals had logical reasons for existing and the biomes were interesting and believable, in a fantastical way. Their designs were like nothing Shen Yuan had seen before in other games. Not to mention there were potions and items with effects that other games usually didn’t bother with, usually in interesting ways. Although he could certainly do without the papapa-mechanics.
Anyways, lore! There were so many sects and villages and countries with their own history, and there were two distinct realms that you could visit with their own ecosystems and history that were at war! It made for great PVP fodder, of course, but the real treat was the events that furthered the plotline.
Shen Yuan’s eyes fell on a message in the Twitch chat, asking about the new lore added in a recent update. He immediately pushed up his glasses and started to explain, ignoring the few comments calling him out for looking like some geek from an anime.
“Well, the newest dungeon is an ancient palace that seems to have been owned by an Emperor many centuries ago. Apparently he was a half-demon who worked to unify the worlds, causing immense destruction and deaths in the process.” Shen Yuan rattled off, skipping over the part where the man apparently had over three thousand wives. “He was like a protagonist all on his own! I haven’t been able to get all the lore from the palace yet, but we can try tackling it today to find more lore. We’d be some of the first.” he said smugly, and the rest of that stream was dedicated to exploring the huge new palace and finding loot, scrolls and books that described the history of the place and its inhabitants. The palace was way too big to explore in a single stream, of course, what with the literal thousands of harem members’ rooms. 
The place looked abandoned and oddly realistic compared to the other locations revealed in-game so far.
After six hours of endless explorations, Peerless Cucumber ended his stream.
He immediately went onto the forums to discuss his findings, only to see a few new threads speaking of a new random encounter. Excited, Shen Yuan clicked the threads, only to be met by what seemed like vague, creepypasta-esque descriptions of an encounter. Apparently, multiple people had experienced it, but no footage had been caught yet. Finding new, fresh-off the press content like this was Shen Yuan’s absolute favorite; he thrived off of the feeling of discovery. He immediately opened the threads in multiple tabs over his two screens to cross-reference, opening his notebooks to get every piece of information he could out of this encounter.
The encounter was described pretty consistently as follows.
While doing regular activities within the game, the player would suddenly hear a deep, ominous voice echoing over their sound system, sounding almost like someone was whispering in their ear. English-speaking players claimed it might be saying something like “Sister” or “sizzling” or “system”, although none sounded quite right from the mixed responses in the comments.  
The atmosphere in the game would turn dark and ominous, and the players even felt something eerie, themselves. 
This is where accounts of the occurrence started to vary the most. Some people claimed to see a glitchy, red thundering rend in space appear like a knife ripped a hole into spacetime. The cut would then open up into a ragged hole, from which a blurry dark figure crackling with red energy would rush at their character. Other people claimed a red lightning bolt zapped towards their characters from off-screen, and one person even claimed they were struck by the red lightning from above. 
In every case, however, their characters ended up somehow incapacitated; either held against the ground or held up by the neck in a chokehold by a mysterious man.
The man was taller than any playable character in the game so far, with a muscular yet lithe build. His hair was dark and curly and he had a glowing red huadian on his forehead to match his glowing eyes.
The man would seem to inspect their characters, in a way that almost seemed too real, having detailed expressions and micromovements that would usually be skipped for such encounters.
Then the character would be killed in a single move, sometimes with a loud crack of a snapped neck, sometimes with a single slash of the ominous red-and-black blade the mysterious man would sometimes pull out. Shen Yuan noted the sword was usually only mentioned by people who had seen the man step out of a portal.
Apparently the strange new character had multiple voice lines as lots of people claimed to have heard something different when the man killed their character. Lots of players complained about the fact all the voice lines were in Chinese, but the Chinese community rejoiced in having their culture represented more in game.
Shen Yuan snorted a little at that. It’s a fucking cultivation game, it’s ALL Chinese representation, ah!
“Tch, another empty husk.” reported one player translated from Chinese, while another claimed they heard, “These things are everywhere.”. Another claimed the man didn’t speak at all.
The next moment is where the whole thing got a little bit scary, and perhaps a bit meta.
The man would then turn to face the player. Not the dead player character, but the actual player’s screen, staring right at them. Some people even claimed the man’s eyes followed their movements, but that would be insane; Proud Immortal Demon Way had no access to webcams. 
Strangely enough, in this next part everyone who spoke Chinese seemed to agree on the exact wording used. 
“No, you’re not him.” the man would say, before disappearing as suddenly as he had appeared, the atmosphere returning to normal.
People were a little mad about this unskippable encounter that would and could instantly kill their character, but luckily this game was very forgiving when it came to death, allowing a player to return to their body with minimal effort and only a small fee of gold.
While Shen Yuan was about to type a response asking for screenshots, another reply was posted where someone had shaky phone footage of their screen where their character was actively getting murdered by this NPC. The player babbled in Spanish as their character got killed and discarded and the strange new character turned to the camera, too blurry to be seen properly.
Shen Yuan felt a chill up his spine when the eyes turned towards the camera, and he felt like they stared right through his screen at him.
But that was silly.
However, something that wasn’t in any of the text descriptions of the encounter happened in the video. 
“I’ll find you, Shizun.” said the mysterious man in fluent and noble-sounding Mandarin, and Shen Yuan felt goosebumps rising on his arms. That felt strangely personal.
The strangest thing about the whole encounter, however, was that the character did not match the artstyle of the rest of the game. PIDW was a very painterly-looking game with slightly exaggerated features and organic shapes, while this man looked… Real. Strangely so. It added a whole new layer of mystery into the whole situation.
The discussion continued fervently in the thread, and Shen Yuan participated merrily. 
He was a known figure within the gaming community, so his input was both valued and sometimes ridiculed. After all, his theories on these threads came with as much criticisms and harsh words as they did praise and adulation. 
PeerlessCucumber (posted at 01:21 AM):
This encounter certainly is interesting, if a bit cliche. Very “Ben Drowned”-inspired, I would say. The only way this could be more overdone is if there was blood raining from the skies when the guy appears and he jumpscares the player after killing their characters!
Maybe it’s retribution for all your characters looking like they came from an XXX-rated donghua, ha! 
Have we figured out what triggered it yet? Some people were farming, a few were in the middle of a dungeon and there was even one person that was just logging out. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it! And what’s with the artstyle, huh? Can’t the devs be arsed to keep to their own game design?!”
Shen Yuan typed out a few more paragraphs of theories before posting it. Then he yawned, looking at the clock and seeing it was past 2 am. He could look into it more during his next stream.
He didn’t end up encountering the strange man in that stream, or the next, or the next. He didn’t end up getting the encounter for weeks. He was a little miffed at first, going through the motions and exploring the new lore and palace. He found overgrown gardens, a throne room and even a dungeon with a lake that held a pickling pot on a platform in the center, with only a partial skeleton remaining inside to hint at its intended purpose. He found that last one unsettling and gruesome yet morbidly fascinating.
He heard about people encountering the strange NPC from time to time, but eventually he mostly forgot about it as no new information came out.
That is until one night he saw a new thread on the forums about the NPC, claiming the mysterious man seemed to be getting more aggressive. The character, now nicknamed “The Rogue Emperor” due to his first appearance coinciding with the new palace dungeon and his royal-looking robes, used to talk to his victims sometimes, referring to someone called “Shizun”. People were starting to consider whether the mysterious man could be a bug or a rogue AI, though nobody put much stock into these theories. It was true that the NPC’s behavior changed over time, however.
Nowadays there was nearly no dialogue, just an annoyed growl here and there. The man would look at the player’s screen for a distance and leave, angrily.  Attempts to follow the character were unsuccessful as, inevitably, another red crackling portal would be opened with the man’s sword and he would vanish through it.
People online were, of course, theorizing about an upcoming event that this whole encounter thing was a build-up for. Perhaps the man was a new raid boss and he would be found inside a hidden room in that recently-released palace, some suggested. Others thought it might be a rogue artificial intelligence, although they were laughed out of any forums they posted in.
Regardless of the reason behind it, Shen Yuan was a bit disappointed that, to this day, he had still not encountered the elusive Rogue Emperor for himself. He made sure he was always recording when he played PIDW, in case he did encounter the character. He did not want to miss it, although he would prefer to have the event happen while he was streaming.
Lo and behold, whatever gods might exist hear Shen Yuan’s silly little request as he was an hour into his usual Saturday stream— one of his busiest in a while as a new questline was revealed that would give more information about the palace— when suddenly, his screen took on a darker, more reddish hue.
It took him a moment to recognize the oddity, wondering at first if he’d had a curse placed on him like his viewers sometimes did as a prank, if only to get PeerlessCucumber started on one of his famous rants.
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It was when he saw the slight visual glitching in the game that he realized exactly what was going on and he immediately got excited.
“Oh my— guys, guys, it’s happening, it’s happening!” he said excitedly, pointing at his screen with a big smile. His chat always lagged a few seconds behind like every other streamer’s, so it took a few moments for them to catch up.
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By then, the red sparking lightning had started and by the time chat caught up, Shen Yuan’s character was being choked out.
Shen Yuan knew his facecam was shaking from his excited movements but he didn’t care, it was finally his turn!
He started describing how the encounter would go as he watched the tall, muscular character snap his own character’s neck (eh, it would take like two hours to regain his previous prestige, it’s fine) and drop the lifeless body to the ground.
Immediately, the man’s red glowing eyes locked onto Shen Yuan’s.
Shen Yuan happily described how, next up, the tall man would sigh or grunt about how the player was not who he was looking for and— and….
The character was approaching?
He looked… honestly, the character looked out of place. Shen Yuan had a good computer, sure, but PIDW had a more fantastical and slightly anime-like art style than could be fully realistic.
This man, this character looked photo-realistic. Shen Yuan wasn’t sure if anyone had ever gotten such a clear close-up of the man who had, apparently, broken his usual script and continued to approach, eyes intent and locked onto Shen Yuan’s.
“This is… wait, guys, this is different.” he finally said. Maybe he somehow broke its programming?
His screen flashed a black frame and when it came back on, the man was in front of the user interface.
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Shen Yuan was vaguely aware of his chat going insane for a few moments as the character continued to approach before it, and most everything else on Shen Yuan’s screen completely froze save for the Rogue Emperor who was now practically right up against the screen.
And Shen Yuan wasn’t gay (or at least, he didn’t think he was), but this man, photorealistic as he was, was the most gorgeous man Shen Yuan had ever laid eyes on. Long, curved lashes framed luminescent red eyes. A sharp jawline that would make Henry Cavill jealous and long, curly dark brown hair framing a face that looked like it was carved by angels, with perfect, soft-looking, kissable lips— but like, platonically.
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Shen Yuan also didn’t recall the Rogue Emperor having his cleavage on display like that but that was neither here nor there. Shen Yuan just thought the piece of jade jangling around between those pillows was interesting, okay?!
His face wasn’t red, it wasn’t.
The man leaned forward, to the point where if the screen were a window, his breath would be fogging it up.
Shen Yuan watched in a daze as the man then put his hand on the edge of the screen like it was the most natural thing and the man’s previously intense glare slowly twisted into a satisfied, smug and downright unsettling grin, exposing sharp cannes that Shen Yuan did not find sexy at all, no siree. He was so straight.
A voice that sounded way too close to be coming from his speakers startled Shen Yuan as the man suddenly spoke.
“Found you, Shizun.”
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The stream ended with a single freeze frame of what looked like a robes arm with black claws reaching from off-screen towards PeerlessCucumber, the man looking absolutely horrified.
That was the last time anyone heard from PeerlessCucumber in a little over a year.
A year later, on a random Saturday in early March, PeerlessCucumber posted on his social media that he would do an impromptu stream in a few hours to hopefully lay to rest some of the more insane theories that had cropped up about his disappearance in the past year.
This caused a much bigger stir than any other of Shen Yuan’s previous streaming notifications as the name PeerlessCucumber had grown to be an internet phenomenon. A cute streamer with a fiery personality that was absolutely obsessed with the game and passionate about streaming, suddenly disappeared after encountering a niche event in his favorite game, after which some straight-up creepypasta crap took place. 
Most people thought the whole thing was a publicity stunt.
Those people were often refuted by the fact that PeerlessCucumber had, in fact, disappeared after the whole debacle, so doing a publicity stunt only to not take advantage of it sounded stupid in that regard. Those people were often, in return, reminded of the spike in active players in PIDW after PeerlessCucumber’s thought-to-be-final stream, and thought the whole thing was set up by the game’s creators to get more interest in their game.
There were even some fringe opinions that the guy in the game had somehow abducted Shen Yuan which were usually considered crack ideas.
That is, until the young, sickly third son of the extremely wealthy Shen family was reported missing, who bore an uncanny resemblance to PeerlessCucumber. No, they actually looked exactly the same.
The plot thickens, because why would someone that rich take a sponsorship from PIDW to participate in this event and then stop streaming?
Nothing was adding up.
Especially when, a few weeks or so later, the Shens retracted their missing person’s report, claiming Shen Yuan was located. He never came into the public eye again though.
Multiple people made hours-long video essays on the subject positing their own theories and ideas on the matter, boosting the general populace’s awareness of the situations to untold levels. 
The theories went from a murder plot to Shen Yuan deciding streaming wasn’t for him and trying to go out with a bang, to alien abduction. 
So when PeerlessCucumber turned on his stream, he was surprised that, rather than his usual 800 or so viewers, he had closer to 150k viewers. 
Needless to say, he seemed a bit nervous.
He adjusted his camera slightly, first and foremost, once the “Stream will start soon!” splash-screen was replaced with  full-screen camera footage of Shen Yuan himself.
His hair was longer, now, worn in a loose ponytail. He wore a loose robe with what looked like a shirt underneath and it was the first time he’d been on camera without dark bags under his eyes.
He cleared his throat.
“Uh, hi! Long time no see.” he started, sounding as cheerful as he always had during his streams. 
“So, apparently, there’s been some… ah… confusion about my last stream. Which is understandable given how it went and. Uh. Yeah! I’m here to let you all know that I’m fine! Some personal things came up and I’ve just been really occupied with those. I also went abroad for a while which is why I’ve been out of the public eye and— oh, dear. You don’t need to donate, guys, I don’t know if I’ll be able to start streaming regularly again after this but—” Shen Yuan babbled, realizing he should probably have typed up a rough draft of what he wanted to say beforehand.
It didn’t help that he still got flustered at a flirty Superchat splayed across his screen, telling him how pretty he was with his longer hair.
Shen Yuan’s face reddened, spluttering as he tried to regain his train of thought when the sound of a door being opened slightly more forcefully than was natural interrupted him and a large, red and black shape came into the edge of the camera’s view.
Some people felt a sense of dread, thinking this could totally be Shen Yuan’s kidnapper… only to see how Shen Yuan’s face softened at the new person’s entrance.
“Binghe, I told you I can do it myself.” he said softly, more gentle than anything his usual viewers had ever heard him sound before.
A deep voice came from off-screen, just barely on the edge of inaudible because of the microphone’s settings.
“You— oh. Thanks.” Said the slight young man as he was handed a plate of, honestly, professionally made gourmet sandwiches. “I’ll eat these afterwards, it’s rude to eat while streaming.”
The voice mumbled something off-screen again and PeerlessCucumber rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, I’ll introduce you in a bit, I still have to get to— oh!”
Before he could protest, Shen Yuan was being picked up off his chair by the barely visible man who immediately plopped down on the chair, finally revealing himself.
The chat freaked out when they saw the man properly.
Shen Yuan cheerfully introduced his new husband, Luo Binghe, whom he met through the game Proud Immortal Demon Way and who he’d gotten married to in late January. Luo Binghe remained quiet until a Superchat popped up, lamenting the loss of one of the most eligible bachelors ever to this random guy.
A dangerous smirk made his way onto the large man’s face as he nuzzled into Shen Yuan’s hair. “Shizun, Shizun, this one needs your help with the remote again. Will you please come help this Binghe?” he whined, and Shen Yuan looked fond but exasperated. 
“Again? I’ve explained to you how to use it so many times… all right.” he said, leaning into the nuzzling. “As you all can see,” he said, turning back to the camera, “I am happy, healthy and safe. I don’t think I’ll be going back to streaming after this but thanks for sticking around! Uh. Yeah. See ya!” he said, and as he leaned forward to shut off the camera, Luo Binghe leaned forward with him, burying his face in Shen Yuan’s neck to leave a stream of sensual kisses.
Shen Yuan protested audibly, although more in a “Not in front of the camera!” sort of way rather than anything that implied he was unhappy with the affection itself.
The last frame was of Shen Yuan with an embarrassed but happy face and Luo Binghe, his head half buried in Shen Yuan’s neck, one glowing red eye glaring at the camera smugly.
Needless to say, this did not at all stop the flow of theories that would’ve been considered crazy in any other situation.
Not that Shen Yuan or Binghe cared. They were happy together.
194 notes · View notes
gladiatorcunt · 1 year ago
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summary: feyd rautha x emperor’s afab oldest child!reader
cw: feet stuff, piss kink, implied eventual knifeplay/blood play, cannabalism, arranged marriage, feyd being so weird but reader lowkey loves it, facesitting but the kind where feyd would beg you to break his neck, spanking/mild painplay, very likely ooc feyd since i haven’t seen part 2 yet, use of “princes” and “wife”, wedding hunt and black cum hcs taken from @valeskafics , reader doesn’t really know what’s going on but they’re vibing
wc: 1.4k
block & move on if uncomfortable !!
do not repost, translate, or give ai my work
kinktober masterlist
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Collapsing in relief has never been more appealing. You finally have a moment of respite after vigorous and exhausting wedding festivities, and you need to collect yourself. This marriage to the Na-Baron Feyd Rautha Harkonnen was only brought to your attention a week before it would take place.
Surprisingly, you didn’t really mind the man himself. It was just so sudden, is all. During any visits with his family, you had to be mindful of how you reacted to his cocky displays of ruthlessness and violence. Your father would have your head if he saw how tight you squeezed your thighs together or how much you panicked at the thought of leaving a puddle on your throne. Feyd always marked his departure with a cliche kiss to the back of your hand and a hissed promise that you couldn’t make out.
He would protect you at the very least if he didn’t love you. You’re not even sure that you love him, but this shameful crush could grow into something untamable if you lose your footing. Something… unbecoming of a member of the royal family. You wonder if it already has.
The wedding was as grand as could be, glittering decorations and finery followed by archaic rituals to please your in-laws. The Wedding Hunt in particular sent your heartbeat into overdrive, but the satisfaction on your betrothed’s face when he caught his “prize” was intoxicating. Feyd Rautha kisses like he kills, you were quick to discover, fiercely and uncaring of any blood that might be shed.
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You’re brought out of your reminiscing by your now husband closing the door to your room behind him. You only have another day with your family before you’re to leave for Giedi Prime. There has hardly been time to get to know the man you will lie beside for the rest of your life, until now.
“Wife.” He bluntly greets you, awkwardly nodding his head in an effort to maintain his “tough” image. You won’t tease him about the barest hint of blush on his cheekbones, but you treasure it nonetheless.
You humor him, “Husband.” Your nod mirrors his and you take a seat at the long table in the middle of the room after Feyd pulls a chair out for you.
This was the next part of the ritual, where the newly married couple must eat a meal that one partner made for the other. It sounds simple enough that you don’t think anything of it.
Feyd makes a gesture and your food is placed before you by one of your family’s servants. They look a bit queasy and green in the face but they’re gone before you can ask if they’re alright.
“I hope you like it, princess.” Feyd says with a barely there smirk, pointing to the… pie in front of you. “I cut down many people for it.”
You raise an eyebrow at that but bring your knife to take a slice of the pie anyway. Upon lifting the piece onto your plate, you notice eyeballs, flesh, tongues, and some sort of black liquid running throughout the filling. You freeze in place, not even meeting your husband’s eyes. One blue eye seems to twitch and the black substance makes a sick sound as you move it around with your fork.
“The other men who your father considered, my concubines….. I actually can’t tell you which of them are in that slice, but they are all there.” He whispers in your ear, having gotten up from his position opposite you to feed you himself.
You respect the ritual despite your urge to throw up, so you swallow what he gives you. He grins, swiping a thumb down to your throat to feel the food travel. He squeezes your cheeks when you’re done, and you open your mouth to show him that you ate it all.
“That’s my princess.” He condescendingly croons, bending down to run his tongue all over your face before standing up and pushing you to lie flat on the cold table. “But I'm afraid that it’s time for me to have my meal.”
Your elaborate wedding gown is slashed to shreds, the cool tip of his blade moving down your flesh until it reaches your lace covered mound. He taps the hilt of his weapon on your hood and unceremoniously tosses it on the floor.
You didn’t expect the reveal of your wedding night attire to be under such unorthodox circumstances, but can you say you expected any of this?
“A worthy bride with a body to match, thank you for this gift, your highness”. He says in a half joking manner, grinning with too many teeth as he runs his hands along the delicate material. He toys with the idea of cutting this little number to pieces too, but your holes are left conveniently exposed. Maybe he’s fallen too in love with it, he’s been in love with you since you met years ago anyway.
The lingerie is a custom designed piece littered with straps and sheer fabric that leave nothing to the imagination. Your tits are accentuated by a seashell-like pattern bra and there’s even a little black bow above your pussy. The frilly strips of material wrapped around your thighs do nothing to keep your curves contained and the tiny tulle skirt frames your ass beautifully.
Your husband drinks in the sight of you before pulling your ankles to rest on his shoulders. You watch in arousal and shock as he broadly licks the sole of your right foot. He groans unabashedly, nuzzling at your heel and then dipping his tongue in the spaces between your toes. You wiggle at the ticklish feeling but you don’t kick him away.
He really gets into it when he starts sucking your toes, bobbing his head and making sure you’re watching as curls his tongue around each one. His eyes roll back in pleasure once he reaches the last toe on your other foot, and drool trickles down your leg when he’s done getting acquainted with the taste of it. He presses a kiss to the top of each toe but then the weird softness is ruined by the bite he adorns your ankle with.
Feyd’s mouth makes a slick popping sound as he pulls away from your feet. You’re at a loss for words when he proceeds to lie down on the table beside you. He gropes your breast quickly and leans over to give you a surprisingly chaste peck. The look on his face is a smug one but his eyes say something unknown to you, soft and obsessive all at once. It’s as if he knows something you don’t.
“Now sit on my face, claim your new throne, princess.”
You don’t know how long he keeps you hostage there, your cunt soaking him as he devours you to the bone. He doesn’t let you become too relaxed, nipping your clit as he sees fit and clawing the skin of your ass. Eventually your gut aches and though at first you think you’re about to cum already, the second heartbeat in your clit feels different. You come to a horrifying realization that you need to relieve yourself.
“H-husband, what the fuck- I… I need to pee.” You’d rather be dead than doing what you are and saying what you are, but nature calls.
“Yes, that’s it.” He growls and digs his nails into your ass, jigging the globes in his hands before sharply slapping them. “Piss all over my face, get me wet with it like a good wife.”
The shriek you let out when you do just that is abhorrent. Your legs shake as you spray hot pee on your husband’s skin, the gold mixing with the white of your simultaneous orgasm as it drips down his body. You try to move off of Feyd but he tightens his grip on your ass and yanks you back down. The sensation of a hungry mouth desperately sucking the fluids from you drives you wild.
“You have…… fuck- y-you have to stop, hah- i’m going to break.” You sob.
He chuckles into your piss covered pussy and then pulls away to speak, “Then break, a wife of House Harkonnen doesn’t need to be put together.”
You think you hear him say something about using his blade on your body later, but that might just be your own perverted idea.
928 notes · View notes
nnight-dances · 2 years ago
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LOVE & OTHER CLICHÉS
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PAIRING: jeon wonwoo x fem!reader (ft. kim mingyu)
GENRE: fluff, angst, suggestive content
TROPES: brother's best friend, slow burn question mark, skirting around communication because that's a good plot point, jealousy as requested, banter, teasing, arbitrary social norms about words like "cute" and "sweet" pls don't listen to a word i say ever, etc.
WORD COUNT: 12k (for some reason)
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The first time you re-meet Jeon Wonwoo, your brother Joshua's best friend, you think a lot of things. He does, too. It's really interesting how neither of you say exactly what you think.
"Y/N! Is that really you?" 
If you hadn't been on the phone with Karina when you heard Wonwoo's voice, you think you might've genuinely passed away because his voice is something of nostalgic value to you, something distant and definitely not in the same living room as you. You look up and your eyes widen when you find the man gaping at you. "-Oh, hi–" you shoot up from your seat on the couch and then quickly remember your friend still on the line. You tell her, "Sorry, Rina, mind if I call you back later? Okay, thanks, love you. Night." 
Wonwoo raises an eyebrow at you like you'd said something amusing and it's turn to take him in as you drop your phone onto the couch. "Wonwoo, god, you're alive?" you start with a small smile and continue, "Wow, um, you look… the same." What you mean to say is: How did you get even taller, you attractive bastard?
Wonwoo offers you one of his smug smiles at that and replies, "Thanks? I think. You look much more… grown up, you know." He really should've said: Holy shit, you're pretty. And then he opens his arms, "Bring it in, kid. Let's see if I can still get away with tackling you to the ground."
You scoff even as you step closer to him, ignoring the way his arms are a lot bigger than they once used to be when you tell him, "I think you're remembering it wrong, dude. I was the one tackling you."
 It's no use, though, because when he wraps his arms around you, you sigh contentedly because this right here? This is a hug. Wonwoo's so warm around you and you can only pretend that the way you feel his hard muscles tense around you doesn't send chills up your spine. Wonwoo's smiling wide, only barely controlling a comment about how good you smell and how you might've grown taller but somehow still manage to fit just the same in his arms.
All in all, it's a pretty sweet reunion. You haven't seen each other in over five years so the curiosity and surprise is barely uncalled for. You only wished you could've held onto the hug longer before Joshua entered the room with a disgusted grimace on his face.
"Gross. Can you guys not do that?" 
You're the first to pull away with a flustered sigh at Joshua's comment, rolling your eyes. Wonwoo tries to cover up the way he's slightly out of breath by countering, "Why? You can't handle us interacting like two normal humans? Want us to claw at each other's eyeballs like the good old times?"
"I don't get it, though," Wonwoo tells you, a slice of donkatsu hovering near his mouth, "Why didn't you just move in with Shua?"
"That's what I've been asking her! Haven't I been a good enough brother to you? What did I do wrong? Huh?" 
You'd already seen Joshua's reaction coming, sipping the beer from your glass to brace yourself. "And as I've politely reminded you many times, big brother, it's not personal. I just thinking that would be the equivalent of moving back in with my parents. Plus, I can afford to live alone now, remember? The promotion that came with the reallocation?"
Joshua flashes you the unconvinced glare he always does when you reason with him. But you train your eyes on Wonwoo instead, determined to get him on your side at least. "It would be waste to just live with him and not do the independent thing. Plus, I literally live across from you, man, so I might as well be moving in with you."
Wonwoo nods quietly as he washes his bite down with some beer, "Hmm. That's fair enough. I don't know why Shua's been whining about it then."
You break into a pleased laugh at that where your brothers gasps in offense. "Hey, Jeon Wonwoo, whose side are you supposed to be on here?"
Wonwoo shrugs, "I'm on the side of logic, my man, I'm sorry."
"God, don't let her fool you. She says all this reasonable stuff but–"
"Oh, so you agree that it's reasonable then?" you question him with a raised brow but he ignores you as he spews his nonsense. 
"-- But the real reason she wants to live alone is so she can get laid."
You hit Joshua real hard in the arm at that, "Ew, dude, don't be a pervert." 
Wonwoo looks postively entertained between the two of you as he provokes you, "What does he mean?"
"Fuck if I know. I don't know what gave this guy the idea that I like to sleep around, if anything, he's the player."
Joshua narrows his eyes at you, "Uh-huh, me, the guy who was in a long-term relationship of nearly five years?"
"Emphasis on was in a relationship. How many people have you slept with since then? I don't want to know. I'm just making a point."
Wonwoo chuckles, "She's right, man. You're not exactly on the higher ground here."
"Okay, okay, but I did overhear you telling your friend that, quote, living with my brother would be the greatest clockbock there is, end quote."
Your jaw falls open when you hear him recount your words to Karina only a few hours ago. "You're eavesdropping on my calls? Wow, see, this is why I don't want to live with you."
"You weren't exactly very quiet! And you were sitting in the living room, too!"
"Whatever," you roll your eyes and then catch the questioning look Wonwoo sends your brother and you take matters in your own hands. "Fine, I said that because I mean, yeah, it's not like the hottest thing to be living with your brother, okay? Like what if I meet a cute guy and lose him to the fact that Shua's the biggest prude to exist?"
"Man, you just made a player, and now I'm a prude? Choose a story, goddamn it!" 
You shrug with a grin, "People can be two things, bro."
– 
"So, you all moved in yet?" Wonwoo asks you and you try to ignore how silly he looks with the edges of his glasses fogged up against the heat of the coffee in his hands. Last week, he'd texted you asking if you'd like to get coffee and catch up. You'd replied with a goofy grin playing on your lips at 1 AM with a: sure :))) if u pay!
You hum as you stir your own latte, "I think so. But everytime I think it's all done, there's always something small I forgot. Like, this morning I realized I don't have wine glasses."
He chortles, "Ah, I know what you mean. Something small but inconvenient. Like a good night lamp."
"Ugh, I need one of those, too. I brought my old one with me but ended up leaving it in the study because I didn't have one there." You sigh as you slump in your seat, "God, I hate moving. I'll have age twenty years by the time I'm fully done."
Wonwoo watches you with a bemused smile. "I can help you with shopping, if you'd like."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, it's not like I moved in recently but I still remember some good places for this stuff. And it might be less tiresome if you have some company." 
Your replying smile is so genuine that it's got Wonwoo smiling and he thinks he's helping you out more for himself than Joshua. It's an unsettling thought for a moment but then your voice pipes back up with an anecdote from your work and he can't care for the thoughts. 
"...So, you have any luck finding cute guys to bring home?"
The question catches you off-guard and your grip on the wine glass you were inspecting loosens dangerously, but you hold onto it before it can break like your pretense of sanity. 
"God," you groan as you look at a chuckling Wonwoo who's standing next to you, arms crossed in that infuriatingly attractive way. "I was slightly drunk when I said that, so it would be nice if you forgot about it."
"Why? I mean, it's understandable you'd want to get into the dating pool here. It's one way to get to know a new city."
You turn all your attention to a different glass. "I guess. But I haven't had too much luck, no. Maybe waiting around to find love organically is my problem."
Wonwoo doesn't immediately respond to that, making you uneasy and sending heat to your ears. Whatever. You'd just have to scream into your pillow and cry yourself to sleep so you could forget this embarrassment. 
"Hmm, I don't know. It'll just take more time that way, I suppose. If you're willing to wait."
It's your turn to go mute except this time the silence is comfortable, only broken by a comment here and there about the glasses. 
"What about you?" you ask Wonwoo at checkout, watching the worker wrap up your chosen set of glasses in bubble wrap. "Are you… with someone?"
Wonwoo's lips twitch with a small smile at your question. "Not at the moment. I like the space of being single." You nod in understanding. 
"And I haven't really met anyone worth spending my time with," he says, eyes floating to you as he pushes his glasses up with a finger. 
You pause at his words, thanking the cashier for their help and making your way to the exit. "You make it sound like dating's a chore, Wonwoo."
He shrugs with a shoulder, "It can be. With the wrong person."
– 
"So… tell me all about your hot brother's hot best friend?" 
"Ew and ew, Karina, do you want me to block you for real this time?" 
"I'm just being honest but all right, do you want to talk about your years-old crush on your brother's best–"
"That's not any better. And I don't have crush on him. Also, it would really nice if we didn't say the word crush anymore. We're both adults with jobs."
"And adults with jobs aren't allowed to have a little fun?" Karina's voice is laced with laughter and you groan in frustration. Who has she been hanging out with to make her so much worse? Not you. 
"Anyway, since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you. My older brother is okay. And so is Wonwoo. There."
A few minutes of further pestering from Karina and you finally let slip that Wonwoo and you have been hanging out here and there, sometimes over coffee that led to shopping dates (Karina's words, not yours) and other times spent over at Joshua's, drinking or playing video games on his couch. It was pretty cozy and you couldn't really complain about this new life.
"Oh, so you don't miss me then, huh? Nice to know. But also it seems like you're hitting it off with Wonwoo and before you cut me off, you did like Wonwoo for like half your childhood, remember? Maybe this could become something. Who knows?"
Oh, you remember. It was you who spent long summer afternoons staring at Wonwoo as he came over to your home after class, spending all his time arguing with Joshua about a card game they'd been playing or about which villain was cooler in the new movie they'd watched. For a while, it had been a distant thing but over time, you'd warmed up to them and started talking more to Wonwoo, now a regular participant in their arguments. 
And as it turns out, it doesn't take a lot of arguments to fall for Jeon Wonwoo.
– 
One thing about you is that you're stubborn. You like to think it's a genetic thing because the only person who could rival your firmness was none other than your brother. And this meant that when Karina tried to convince you that you still had a soft spot for Wonwoo, you tried to tell her that's all it was: a soft spot. Like a platonic affinity for someone you'd spent a lot of time with growing up.
And you reasoned it out with yourself that night, thinking back to the time you'd spent with him recently. It was familiar in the best way possible. Where meeting new people at work was absolutely exhausting, coming back home to your brother and Wonwoo was like a hug to your soul.
Speaking of hugs, your mind rolled over to the one you'd shared with Wonwoo a few weeks ago, an event that you often found yourself thinking. As sane and rational as you thought yourself to be, the way you'd find yourself unable to control a giggle in the dark every time you remembered the way you all but melted into his arms, strong but fond in their embrace around your waist. 
And when you come to your senses, you realize it's ridiculous how stuck up on that hug you are. It's stupid your smile that breaks through anyway and the way your heart beats faster when you remember the plans you'd made with Wonwoo for tomorrow, a trip to a local bookstore because he had found your collection of books lacking the day he'd come over for a visit.
You roll over in bed then, groaning a little because you're starting to think the soft spot might be… growing. 
"You know I really didn't think I would spend this much on books today," you mumble as you tap your card at the register. It was almost funny how many conversations you and Wonwoo have had at check-out, almost inevitable because often the shopping experience itself meant a lot of focused silence as the two of you browsed around in tandem. 
It was a weirdly heartwarming way to spend time together. Or maybe that was just you and your weakness for quality time. 
"What do you mean? We literally mutually decided that you needed a better collection." Wonwoo leans against the counter with a cocked brow.
"Well, the mutual part is up for discussion. It's more like you shamed me for keeping a modest book collection. And I mean, I wasn't so sure if I'd find anything good here."
"Really?" he asks, picking up the heavy bag from the counter before you can reach for it, "Because I remember you agreeing pretty quickly and enthusiastically to my proposition to go book-shopping."
"That was only because you made it sound like fun." And it meant that I'd get to spend more time with you. "And it was fun. So that's one thing you're right about."
Wonwoo's smile turns smug as you exit the bookstore, each with a paper bag in hand. You'd settled for carrying Wonwoo's own purchase of two new books that he'd apparently been meaning to come out and buy. 
"Anyway, now what? You wanna go to my place and break into one of these bad boys?" You shake the bag in your hand with a gleeful grin. But Wonwoo's looking at the mall across from you with mouth slightly ajar in concentration. And then he smiles, pure excitement plastered across his face when looks back at you.
"I have a much better idea." That's all he says before his unoccupied hand finds yours and tugs you after him. Admittedly, you're a little dizzy at the sudden touch and let him pull you across the road with quick steps, struggling to keep up with him. At the back of your head, you store away how attractive it is that Wonwoo's holding a good dozen books in a hand and yours in the other, racing ahead like it was the most important thing in the world. And honestly? If it was with Wonwoo, you think you feel the urgency in your veins as if it were travelling across your intertwined palms.
It's a good day to be a romantic for you, as you later find out, standing in line with Wonwoo to purchase tickets to a newly released movie. The genre? Rom-com.
"Well, it's not so much a rom-com as the poster makes it seem. That's actually a deft marketing stunt. It's actually a pretty serious movie about love and I've heard it's not for the weak."
So many questions. You have so many questions. 
For one, "I didn't know you were into romantic movies," you comment, watching Wonwoo from the corner of your eye, too afraid to look him in the eye now that your hand was no longer in his.
"It's possible to avoid romance. Everything is about love these days, even if it isn't."
You also can't believe that you're about to watch a movie with Wonwoo. It's all strangely… different. You'd never been to the movies alone with him. It's a new territory for you. But you're not mad. If anything, the smile on your lips is playful. 
"And it's not just that you're too scared to admit that you like rom-coms?"
"I'm not. Into rom-coms, I mean. The humor is straight-up bad and the romance is tolerable at best. It's like if you're going to do a x to death, you might as well do it well."
"I can't believe this," you mutter more to yourself than him, "Jeon Wonwoo watching a rom-com? This must be a dream."
"You dream about me, hmm?" 
You narrowly avoid whiplash when you turn to look at Wonwoo, his teasing only another addition to the list of things you didn't think you'd hear your brother's best friend every say to you. But the more you know, huh?
The movie itself is insane. The plot is devastating enough on its own but the way Wonwoo's shoulder pressed into yours the whole time, despite there being more than enough space between the two seats, has you more vulnerable than usual. So find yourself tearing up halfway through the movie and sit through the credits with half-contained sobs. And where Wonwoo had laughed at your tears mid-way, when he noticed your sobs, his hand found your back, rubbing it comfortingly. 
"That was horrific," you mumble when you're less overcome with sadness and pout at Wonwoo. "I hate you for making me watch that. I will never find happiness. And worse, I will never find love."
Your words, punctuated with that small pout of yours, has Wonwoo a breath away from falling to his knees with his head in hands because fuck, you're adorable. And truth be told, he was tearing up at the end, too, but he wouldn't let you know that because the way you accuse him for your state is just incredibly precious to him. 
"It was terrific," he corrects you, "And I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd get so emotional."
You glare at Wonwoo at that, as if you hadn't just been dabbing at your eyes with his pocket tissues, "Okay, Mister Emotionless, don't think I didn't catch you wiping tears away in the closing scene."
Wonwoo shoots a guilty grin and pats your head, "You're cute." 
The statement leaves you speechless enough that Wonwoo gets away with it, starting to walk away with a gaping you in his wake. You're deeply confused and slightly jittery when you finally catch up to him with a small "I wasn't trying to be" of affront under your breath. 
– 
"That's bad, right, isn't it? It's so bad. It's horrible."
"Calm down, Y/N, he called you cute, just so we're clear? Not a bunch of bad words right? So why is it bad?" 
"Because!" you cry out, "Because cute is like the most platonic adjective. I thought we were having a moment, what with a movie date and all– but if he thinks I'm cute then I was wrong. So unbelievably wrong." 
"Okay, I know what you mean but that's not always how things work. I mean, you said he held your hand and stuff, right? That's more than platonic. And it's all about the tone. Cute can be a very romantic word if in the right context."
"The context," you tell Karina with a sigh, "is that he's my brother's best friend! He couldn't make it any clearer. Wow, and I was all up in my head over him, too."
"Can we just take a moment to acknowledge how I told you that you still had feelings for Wonwoo?"
"We will do no such thing. Because the feelings are gone now!" 
"Right. I believe you, Y/N," Karina deadpans over the phone, "You can call me when you're done being an idiot. Bye."
– 
It's Karina's sarcastic tone that your thoughts catch onto the next few days, the ones you spend half in agony because Wonwoo hasn't contacted you and after your personal dilemma, you think you'd let someone shoot you before you texted him first. 
So you try your best to distract yourself with work, showing up earlier than you'd built a reputation for, and staying a little later than most. It's a new routine for you, one that leaves you pretty tired in a way that your bones are not used to. 
Maybe that's why your legs don't seem to be working that morning when you bump into someone on your way to the coffee machine. You'd been rubbing your neck, trying to feel out the knot that you'd woken up with, and had effectively lost track of where you were going and collided with a solid figure, sending a few steps back.
You sigh as you regain your balance, ever so thankful that you didn't fall flat on your butt as you look up at the person in front you. He's tall enough that you should've seen him coming so you're first to apologize. "Shit, sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going. Sorry about that!"
"No, no, I should've been more careful. I'm lucky I wasn't carrying a coffee or that could've been really bad. I'm sorry." The man's voice is hoarse and he talks over himself, as if eager to get all his thoughts before he forgets what he's saying. 
You meet his eyes with a small smile, "I guess we're both at fault, huh?" 
He reciprocates your smile with crescent eyes. "Yup. Can I get you a coffee as reparation?" 
"I mean, it's not a big deal at all."
"I insist," the man levels his gaze at you and you wonder how he looks like he could throw you across the room without breaking a sweat, but still manages to be so soft. 
"I'm Mingyu, by the way," he tells you as he hands you a cup of warm coffee. "Thanks Mingyu. I'm Y/N."
"I've seen you around. You were a new hire, right?"
You take your time with a sip of your coffee before responding, "Yes, I was originally at another branch but my leader wanted me closer to headquarters before they opened up new branches in this city. I don't know, something exposure for me and experience for them."
"You must be good if they sent you here," Mingyu points out and you brush it off with a noncomittal shrug. You find yourself pleasantly enamoured by Mingyu for the next ten minutes or so and you wonder how you'd missed him at all in the first place. But when he tells you he better get going, you nod with a smile, "Of course. It was nice meeting you, Mingyu."
Mingyu becomes the perfect distraction, as one might predict he would. He has a unique charm, what with the contrast between his intimidating physique but surprisingly shy demeanour. He's the textbook golden retriever in people and though you're not a dog person, you find yourself grow fonder of him every time you run into him near the coffee machine or while leaving work in the elevator. 
"You have a work crush?"
You groan loudly, throwing a half-eaten cracker at Joshua. "Come on, what is it with all the people I know and having the most childish vocabulary?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, am I not erudite enough for you? You know it may not seem like it but I am four years older than you and I have that much more–"
"Yeah, yeah, something about experience and knowledge, I've heard it before. And by the way, it's technically three years and three months, not that I'm counting."
"You very clearly are," Joshua points out with a frustrated laugh, "Anyway, you gonna make a move on this guy?"
"No, because if you were actually listening to me, you'd have heard that I like him as a friend and that I need help buying a gift for his birthday."
"Right, right," your brother mumbles in thought, "And that's next week?"
You nod as you pick your phone up, scrolling through the chat with Mingyu to reach the text he'd sent you a day ago: by the way, i'm throwing for my birthday on the 6th. love it if you came ;)
Winky emoji and slightly short notice aside, you'd replied as enthusiastically as you could muster: your birthday??? when were you going to tell me!! and: ofc i'll be there but not before i make you suffer for hiding smth so imp from me :(((
Before you can squeeze any more vaguely helpful tips from Joshua, his bell rings and you sit up with a frown as he stands up to get it. "Ah, Wonwoo's here."
"Wonwoo?" is your shocked gasp to that information, body going stiff because you'd seen him only in passing since the day of the movie. You think you might pass out. Why does nobody think it's important to tell you anything these days? 
You hear their voices in the corridor as Joshua lets Wonwoo in and your mind races with your options. Hiding in the bathroom for the night would be feasible if your brother wasn't a monster who would drag you out within thirty minutes. Maybe you climb out a window? But you were on the eight floor and as much as you liked to joke about death, you'd prefer to escape alive. 
Your brother's voice breaks you out of your scheming, alerting you they're in the living room. "Oh yeah, Y/N, here's someone with not childish vocabulary if you want to replace me." 
You look over your shoulder with a scowl but immediately lose your spirit when you lock eyes with Wonwoo, a lopsided smile greeting you. He's wearing a cozy sweater that's a shade of blue so dark that it might as well be black and you want to start crying because his hands are concealed beneath the sleeves, fists turned sweater paws as he stands there, looking between you and your brother. 
"Why are you two fighting this time?" 
"Nothing." "She has a crush at work." 
Wonwoo lets out a sigh when you both answer simultaneously but seems intrigued by Joshua's statement, eyeing him. "What did you say?"
"She has a–" 
"I'm warning you, if you say the word crush one more time, I will do something so unimaginable to your face at night–"
"She likes a guy from work."
Wonwoo looks surprised as he looks back at you inquisitively and you frown. "Untrue. It's just a guy I made friends with recently. And I only mentioned him so I could get advice but clearly, nobody here supports me so I'm going to take this conversation elsewhere."
"I support you." Wonwoo's quick response has you freezing in your dramatic exit and you turn to look at him in doubt but when his expression is clear of any mischief, you sit back down. 
"Nice to know. But I'd love it if we talked about something else for now. Like dinner." 
The night takes on a more comfortable journey from thereon, with the three of you ordering take-out and fighting it out with a card game while it was on its way. You were actually proud of yourself for acting normal around Wonwoo, despite all your past internal conflict. And you would've gone to sleep somewhat peacefully if he hadn't approached you in the kitchen, while Joshua was taking out trash, having lost the game. 
You were placing the leftovers in the fridge when Wonwoo materialized behind you, the only warning of his presence the question he asks you, "You want any help?" 
You barely hold in a surprised squeak as you spin around to him. "Goddamn it, Wonwoo, make some noise next time you sneak up on me?"
"Then I wouldn't be sneaking up on you, would I?"
You roll your eyes, closing the fridge behind you as you declare, "Well, I'm done here. Thanks for washing the dishes, by the way."
"Sure, I know how much you Hongs hate touching water. I was surprised you installed a faucet in your kitchen at all."
You give Wonwoo a push in response, "That's a very funny way to conceal the fact that you lost at rock paper scissors." 
"I just think it was an unfair way to decide tasks. I'm really bad at that game."
"Right, and assuming one can be good or bad at a game of rock paper scissors, what else would you have preferred to play?"
Wonwoo's eyes twinkle with an idea and then, he puts up a hand and wiggles it around in your face. "Arm wrestling."
Your smile falls, "No. That's just–"
"See," he points at you, "That's how I feel about rock paper scissors." 
Despite how much you claim that the two games are not at all on the same par, you let Wonwoo drag you to the kitchen table, standing across from you and arm ready for the wrestling. Slowly, you lean closer to him, hand coming to rest against his.
"Don't be too cocky," you mumble when his hand squeezes yours, already triumphant before the game had begun. The result of the game itself is pretty obvious but when you start to wrestle and feel Wonwoo's forearm tense against you, it has you light-headed. Your eyes leave the match to look at him, only to find him watching you with a glint in his eye. He smiles when you make eye-contact with him, going strangely silent for all his gloating a minute ago. You raise a brow at him and the bastard has the audacity to send a wink your way before pressing your arm against the wood of the table.
"Whatever," you tell him before his already obnoxious grin can swell any more. He opens his mouth and you're already anticipating something insulting to meet your eyes. But instead, Wonwoo says, "Your hand's so small." You look up at him only for him to take your hand in his and carefully line it against his own palm. 
You feel your cheeks burn. It's all so cliché, especially if he's flirting with you. Arm-wrestling turns into a hand-measuring contest. So trite. And yet, you find yourself smiling.
"See?" your hand wriggles, imitiating Wonwoo from earlier, "This game was rigged. Maybe if you had a handicap or something."
"Okay, I think I better leave before you take a knife and cut my hand up or something…"
– 
wonwoo: hello you
you: hi?
wonwoo: heard there's live music at the pub today. wanna come with?
you: ok creep
wonwoo: excuse me??? just informed you of a one in lifetime opportunity. shua's treating
you: WAIT he is???????
you: the one time i can't come?
wonwoo: you can't?
you: yes… have to attend a coworker's birthday party tonight. sorry :(
wonwoo: u should be sorry
wonwoo: imagine how much damage we could've done to joshua's wallet
You throw yourself into your sheets with a disappointed sigh, stomach uneasy at the thought of missing a hang-out with your favorite duo. But then you roll over to your side and think it's better if you go out with people who you didn't grow up with, for once. It might be a new experience. Just to be clear, this was Karina's voice resounding in your head. She had her way of giving you advice without you calling her for it. 
Three hours later, you're tiring yourself out at Mingyu's birthday party. It's intense, the party, bustling with people but then again, you'd be a fool to think Mingyu wouldn't have a roster full of friends to invite to a party. You meet the man of the night an hour into the party and he throws his hands around when he recognizes you. 
"Y/N, I'm so glad you could make it!"
"Of course. Happy birthday, Mingyu!" 
He leans over the bar and yells something at the bartender who eyes Mingyu and upon recognizing him as the birthday boy, places two shots in front of you. 
"Have a shot with me?" Mingyu grins, a slight layer of sweat shining on his forehead. You chuckle in defeat, "Sure, why not?" 
A shot turns into two and you're working on swallowing the third one when your phone buzzes in the back-pocket of your denim shorts. You're about to take a look at the caller ID and decline almost immediately but when you realize it's Wonwoo calling you, you pause. You excuse yourself from Mingyu's side quickly, making your way to a slightly quieter cornern of the party and answer.
"Wonwoo?" 
"Oh," comes Wonwoo's voice, a little distant, and he seems shocked as if he hadn't expected you to pick up. "Hey, Y/N. How are you?"
"Um. I'm fine, Wonwoo, just at that party I told you about. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. You're not too drunk, are you?" he asks, ironically slurring the question. 
"I should be asking you that question. Wonwoo, where's Joshua? Do you need me to come pick you up?"
"No," his voice is laced with disbelief, "I'm fine. Just a little tipsy. Sorry, you should get back to the party."
"Yeah," you reply, feeling a little uneasy as the liquid in your stomach sloshes around with each movement you make.
"Stay safe, Y/N. Call me if you need anything? I'm gonna go find Shua now."
Before you can ask him what he means by finding Joshua, Wonwoo's hung up on you, almost as quickly as he called you. Okay, so that was weird. And cool, now you're nauseous. 
– 
When Wonwoo drunk-calls you, he thinks he's officially lost you. If you didn't find him weird before, you probably thought him a lot weird now. That's great, he thinks. But the regret of his decision doesn't outweigh the need to see you right now, something about the fact that you're at some guy's birthday party making him all worked up. It should be obvious why he's like this but Wonwoo can avoid a serious thought for days if it keeps him slightly more sane than usual. 
But then the Joshua's bell rings and he opens the door, finding you standing there just like he'd imagined a few minutes ago. You're in a slouchy shirt that unbuttoned all the way to your mid-torso to reveal a black bikini top. He clears his throat to contain the thought that threatens to escape him: fuck, you look hot. 
"Shit," you exclaim when you see Wonwoo, "This isn't my place. Ugh. I'm stupid."
Wonwoo steps closer to you, "Are you okay, Y/N? Did you just get back?"
You nod silently and then take a step back from him. "Sorry, I'm just gonna go to the right place. You can sleep… or whatever."
"Wait, no," he rushes to your side, taking your elbow in his hand, "I'll help you."
You roll your eyes, "It's okay, I'm not drunk, Wonwoo. And by the looks of it, neither are you." But you don't push off the hand on you and simply let him follow you to your door, "Is Shua already asleep?"
"Hmm, he passed out. I don't know why he claims to be heavyweight when he can barely handle alcohol. I had force him to leave the pub before he made himself sick."
You listen intently, unlocking the door with a hum, "He's an idiot." You throw the door open and Wonwoo lets himself in after you. He's clearly not too sober because when you bend down to take of your shoes and your ass juts out dangerously close to his crotch, he almost falls over in an attempt to jump away to give you space. But he remains close just in case you stumble, his own shaky state be damned.
But you're unnervingly stable as you stand back up, taking your hand off the wall when you're done taking your shoes off and brushing them against yourself with a suspicious look thrown at him– unnerving because Wonwoo just wants an excuse to get his hands on you somehow. You're effortlessly magnetic, moving across the hall to your kitchen to pour yourself some water, still unebelievably stable, and Wonwoo follows you in a trance-like manner.
"You want something to drink?"
Your question hangs in complete silence and it's only when you look over at Wonwoo that he comprehends that you're asking him. He clears his throat again, "Um, I don't want to bother you if you want to go to bed." 
You raise a shoulder nonchalantly, "'M not sleepy. And you're here so we might as well hang." You disappear from his sight as you crouch down behind the counter, sliding open a shelf, "I have some shiraz I've been meaning to break open, if you're up for it?" 
"Oh, that sounds great actually," he replies and you reappear with two wine glasses in your hand. You beam at him and he feels a thrill down his spine, recognizing the set you'd bought with him. "Great. Go sit in the living room and I'll be right there." 
"No, I'll help you get the stuff."
You pause your movements toward the liquor shelf, "Come on, I thought it was clear I'm not drunk by now."
"I know," Wonwoo walks closer to you, picking up the glasses you'd set down earlier, "Just want to be here with you." 
You turn back around and Wonwoo doesn't know it's to hide the flush that colors your face at his confession. You spend a minute too long picking out the shiraz to recover and you're glad Wonwoo also doesn't know that you could pick the bottle of red out without actually looking. 
"Geez, I've got sand in my feet now," you complain as you take your first sip of the wine from your glass when you catch sight of the particles lodged in your toes. 
"Sand?" questions Wonwoo as he leans over to get a look. 
"Yeah, it was a beach-themed party," you tell him. He nods, thinking that your outfit makes a lot more sense now. "Mingyu's a silly guy for someone who's turning twenty-five."
"Mingyu, huh?" Wonwoo tries out the name, watching out for how you react. You don't give away much, simply taking another sip but your chest burns for reasons other than alcohol. 
"Hmm, yeah." 
"So do you like him? Joshua seems pretty convinced about it."
You hide your face against the couch, "Fuck Joshua. He's an idiot." 
"So you've said."
"No, but really. Mingyu's a sweet guy and all, but he's… not my type."
Now this is something Wonwoo can work with, relief flooding his veins at your honest reply. "What is your type?"
You meet Wonwoo's gaze for the first time in this conversation and groan again. In your head, you can't help but be burdened by how unbelievably cliché your situation is. Your brother's best friend sitting next to you swirling a glass of red wine, asking you about the guy you liked when it was clearly him you liked. In fact, you think your entire relationship with Wonwoo's always been full of clichés: falling for his charm as a youth and growing into the feelings long after, hanging out with him as grown-ups, going on dates that are left unlabelled, measuring hands with him for fuck's sake– It was a little too on the nose, you think. 
But you don't tell Wonwoo any of this, maybe because you're too scared to or maybe you'd liked to see the plot thicken a little. "I don't have a type." 
Wonwoo is surprisingly quick to leave the topic alone after that and you're thankful, but half-irked because you'd hoped for more. But you can't complain when he has you wrapped up in a completely different conversation, distracting enough that you can barely remember how you finished the wine in your glass. 
"Want a refill?" he asks you when the empty glasses have been sitting on the coffee table for long enough. 
"Mhm, I think I'll have some apple juice instead."
"As you wish." 
He doesn't even bother asking you where you keep your juice and takes off with the glasses to the kitchen. You watch him keenly, letting your heart lead your mind for a little as you take in how cozy the night is when you're in Wonwoo's company.
It's with that uncontrollable giddy smile on your face that Wonwoo catches you. 
"Happy about something?" he asks, placing a cup with golden liquid in front of you and keeping his glass of wine next to it. 
"Yeah. About everything. I'm happy."
Wonwoo smiles, arm reaching to your side and squeezing your hand in a way that leaves you thinking that you might actually like physical touch more than you've been led to think. "I like the sound of that."
Your smile only turns goofier. "What about you? Are you happy?" 
He huffs out a breathy laugh, "I'm not too bad myself. Things have been looking up recently."
Fucking fuck, even everything you say to each other sounds like it's been said before, somewhere else in an idealistic movie about two people slowly falling in love with each other. But you can't get yourself to hate the idea so you simply shift closer to him. 
Wonwoo notices, obviously, and smiles a little because he notices the light dusting of red on your cheeks. Your hair's come undone from what was presumably a low bun at the back of your head and he has an itch to brush the strands away from your face– a thought that if you were privy to would only be an addition the list titled reasons why wonwoo and you are a straight-up cliché.
But you find out soon anyway, because Wonwoo acts on the itch, hand coming to cup your face before a few fingers find the crown of your head, gently tucking the stray hair behind your ear. 
You hum in satisfaction and Wonwoo's heart hammers, thinking that is probably the best reaction he could've hoped for. He takes a sip of the wine in his hand and moves to rest his face on his fist. 
Except you intercept him mid-way, closing the space between you with a noise of surprise that Wonwoo lets out when he feels your warm lips against his. The shock causes the wine in his mouth to bleed into yours, just like you'd hoped, and before Wonwoo can act on your advance, you've already pulled back.
Your smile is warm with shyness when you notice the starstruck expression on Wonwoo's face. "Sorry, I wanted to taste the wine." 
Wonwoo's silent as he processes this, moving slower thanks to the wine in his sytsem and now– the feeling of your kiss on his mind. When he does break from the silence, he moves to take another sip of wine and this time it's him crossing over to you, big palm steadying your jaw so he can spill into you, literally and not. You let out a little noise this time, not expecting him to reciprocate your shameless move but delighted anyway as you move against his mouth. 
There's a third kiss. And you pull away with a dreamy sigh because really, this was straight out of your dreams. Wonwoo rests his head on his hand like he'd intended to about three kisses earlier and watches as you avert your gaze, suddenly bashful. You fix your gaze on the coffee table, proud that you'd finally chosen to place it opposite the couch instead of near the bookshelf. 
"I haven't dated anyone for a while, you know," Wonwoo suddenly blurts out, your hair once again in your face when you turn to face him. "I was in a pretty… fucked-up relationship after high school and that made me give up on love altogether."
You listen attentively, eyes on his as he tells about the person he was with, voice dropping to a soft octave. When he finishes you find his hands with a smile, "Thank you for telling me that. And I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than that. You're a pretty solid guy."
"Really?" Wonwoo's mood turns light again at your comment and you try to maintain your composure, reminding yourself that his smile might be casual but your words still hold weight. 
"Yeah, you're a rare find, Wonwoo. Quiet but not boring, witty yet funny, tall but nice to hug." 
You bite your lip at that last part, clearly giving yourself away. But Wonwoo's eyes light up anyway, "Nice to hug, huh? That's a new compliment. Glad to know." 
You can feel him lean closer to you without looking because his voice is closer to your ears. Flustered, you reach for your abandoned apple juice and take a sip, but overestimate your own sobriety because you manage to spill a third of it on yourself. "Fuck," you curse under your breath and throw your head back against the couch in frustration over yourself. 
"Fuck," Wonwoo echoes you, shifting beside you, "You okay? Wait here, I'll get you a towel." He's already standing up by the time you have it in you to find your footing. You stop him with a slightly damp hand on his arm.
"It's okay, I'll just go throw this in the laundry. Needed to change anyway." 
Wonwoo nods as he makes way so you can pad lightly to your room, ears adorably red. He lets out a heavy breath when you close the door behind you though, placing a hand against chest because the sight of your half-exposed chest slightly wet with juice– well, it was doing more things to him that he'd like. Your low expletive followed by your limp body hadn't helped his wild imagination either, instantly wondering what it might be like to run his hands through– 
"All right, that's it. I need some fresh air." Fresh air so he could feel less like a pervert and more like… normal. And it helps to step out onto your balcony, the scenery of the moonlit night a pleasant surprise to his senses. He hums happily, almost forgetting about his preoccupied thoughts entirely.
And then he hears your voice resound in the living room faintly. He calls out your name, telling you to come out to the balcony, and a minute later, you step out, now clad in a cozy night set, matching blue shirt with shorts. "Hey," you mumble as you join him near the railing, body visibly relaxing in the night air. "Woah, it's nice here."
"It is, isn't it?" 
"Yeah, this is actually my first time coming out here since I moved in. I always figured this place would be full of spider webs and like bird shit." 
Wonwoo chuckles, "I mean we're probably standing on something that's not supposed to be here but it's for us to worry about tomorrow." 
– 
When you wake up the next morning, it takes you a good amount of groaning and screaming to figure out if last night was real. Taking shots with Mingyu at his birthday bash? Understandable. Receiving a call from a self-proclaimed tipsy Wonwoo? Confusing but not impossible. Inviting Wonwoo over for wine and ending up making out with him? Insane. 
What's worse, you couldn't really remember how the night had ended, a consequence of your inebriated self combining with sleep deprivation. But that was a pretty important thing to remember, wasn't it? It could be difference between a regretful farewell and a promising one. You don't know which one would ease the storm in your stomach faster. 
You roll over to unlock your phone and sit up when you see you have two unread texts. And then, you see they're both from Mingyu. 
mingyu: thanks for coming last night :D
mingyu: sorry i couldn't see u out. hope you made it home safe! 
You sigh in barely contained disappointment as you throw your phone back into the sheets, looking up at the ceiling. You suppose you ought to do something about the Mingyu situation soon but right now, you find the idea of suffocating in your bedsheets for the next two hours much more comforting. 
– 
See now, this right here is your problem. As much as you complained about hating being a cliché, you kind of wish your situation with Wonwoo was more of a cliché because right now doesn't exactly feel like something out of a film.
It feels like hard cold reality. And it's not the first time either.
1: things will happen between you and Wonwoo: he holds your hand, he kisses your lips.
2: he doesn't text you about it and you're too much of a coward to force him out of his shell.
3: things end up all in the air. And now, you're miserable.
But later that evening, you find out there's more to this list of not-so-cliché things that happen between you and Wonwoo.
4: you run into Wonwoo at your brother's place.
He's so casual, too, dressed in a plaid shirt and lounging on Joshua's couch, gaming his time away. You almost immediately regretting making an impromptu trip to your brother's place but it's too late to back out because Joshua's already set the dinner table for three. How you despise your extroverted, loving brother. 
"Did you make that deadline you were complaining about yesterday?" Joshua asks you over a spoonful of his soup. You nod, "Yeah, turns out it was easier when I stopped whining about it."
Wonwoo lets out a laugh, earning him a look from you which you quickly retract, going back to your quiet self when the two engage in conversation. You're glad to ignore but they find it less than easy to, given how unusual your disengagement is. Wonwoo does have an idea for your mood but he doesn't feel like discussing it with your brother just yet. 
So when Joshua asks him, "Do you know what's up with her?" when you excuse yourself to the bathroom, Wonwoo stiffens. Why was he asking Wonwoo? … Had he been obvious?
"Dunno. Maybe work's busy or something."
"You think I should go pester her with some ice-cream later tonight?" 
 "Best if you don't do that. She might disown you."
"That's like legally impossible, Wonwoo. Right?" 
When you take an unexpectedly long time in the bathroom, Joshua goes on. "Did something happen between you two?"
Again, Wonwoo tenses up. "...No. Why do you ask?"
"I mean, she seemed fine yesterday when she came over. So I don't think I'm the problem here. Not that I'm accusing you of anything. Just… I know y'all have been bonding recently."
Wonwoo averts his gaze, deeply uncomfortable with this chat. "Um, yeah, I guess."
"Listen, man, I don't mean to take on the older brother tone in this conversation or anything but…" Joshua sighs as he plays with a leftover piece of bread, "You know I'm okay if something does happen with you and her, right? I trust you. And well, she was an adult long before me so I hardly have a say there."
Wonwoo stares at his half-empty glass of water, frowning. "Okay, cool." His answer is curt because he's still caught off-guard by this conversation. He'd wanted to bring up the developments between you himself, in his own way, but this left him a little panicked. Like, he was being rushed to make a move. And his brain ended up shutting down in the process.
…but it really wasn't the best time for his malfunction, given that you'd managed to overhear a good half of that conversation, specifically on the Joshua asking Wonwoo about you and him being indifferent about it. What was he thinking? What were you thinking?
5: you storm out of dinner without an explanation. you pretend you don't hear wonwoo call after you when you do. his texts that night go unanswered. 
How's that for a cliché, huh?
– 
These days, you're trying find the joy in small things. Like waking up to your very first alarm for the morning. Or brewing an especially aromatic coffee at home. 
Like making it to the end of a phone-call with Karina without talking about Wonwoo. 
"Oh, wait, before I forget to ask, how did it go with Wonwoo?"
Almost. 
You take a deep breath to steady yourself, "Not too well. I mean, we kissed. But then, he didn't text me for like three days after. Then I run into him at Joshua's and he acts all… cold. And judging by that one conversation I overheard, he thinks everything that happened between us was a mistake." 
"Okay, okay, hold your horses, friend, I feel like a lot happened there. You kissed? Why is this the first I'm hearing of it?!" Karina sounds genuinely upset and you let out a groan.
"Well, I was trying to stop bringing up Wonwoo every time we catch up. It's annoying and I want to hear more about your life than complain about mine."
"We can both complain about our lives, Y/N. I have all the time in the world. At least till six. Anyway, that's besides the point! You kissed but he ghosted you afterward? And did he actually say he thought it was all a mistake?"
You bite your lip in rumination and then admit, "He didn't actually say that but it was implied. You would agree if you'd heard the same conversation as I!"
As it turns out, Karina doesn't seem to approve of the conclusion you've come to all on your own. But then you point out that it's been over a week and it's been radio silence. So you have every right to feel as hurt as you do. 
"I suppose you do. But still, it wouldn't hurt to approach him first." 
"I would rather die."
"Okay, well, maybe find out how he's doing from Joshua?"
"Will not."
"You're being difficult right now, Y/N. What do you want to do then?"
"I want to move on and not think about Wonwoo. Maybe I should go on a blind date or something."
"We're not in a movie right now, man, plus, I'm pretty sure you were the one who swore your life to finding love organically and whatnot."
"...Gah, I was hoping you'd forgotten about that. Fine, I'll do… something." 
Your words are nothing if not misleading because by something, you don't mean to communicate with Wonwoo like a sane person might. Instead you check up on Mingyu, who you've still been succesfully making small talk at work with, and ask him if he wanted to get dinner. The enthusiasm with which he responds is comforting, a relieving contrast from the tension in your relationship with you-know-who. 
mingyu: omg i woud love to
mingyu: but im unfortuntely busy tonight :((((
mingyu: would you be down for tomorrow? i can make some killer spaghetti if given the opportunity
you: make???? i was thinking of buying the food… but i won't turn that offer down
mingyu: i'm a man of many talents ;) 
You work out the details of the date (neither of you call it that, but it's understood to be one) over the night and you feel a little uneasy as the afternoon of the day comes to a close. Either way, you find a comfortable dress that is flattering against your skin and welcome Mingyu into your place, letting his excitement work its contagious magic. 
If you're following the plot line of this story closely, you'd figure out that the next cliché is this: Wonwoo behind the door across from your home, just now learning about this date of yours with Mingyu. 
He's broken his pledge to himself and asked Joshua about you, after having missed seeing you there for the past week. Joshua had hesitated to respond but is honest anyway, muttering, "I think she has a date over."
"A date?" is Wonwoo instantaneous question, barely-concealed dread underlying in its tone. 
"Yeah, remember that guy from work whose birthday she attended?" Joshua pretends to have forgotten his name but his best friend is quick to chime in, "Mingyu?"
But you'd told him he was just a friend. You'd called him sweet for fuck's sake, and that was the most platonic adjective you could use for a potential love interest. Well, he's been proven wrong by your date tonight.
He looks down at his clasped palms, the same ones that were intertwined with your skin, first the skin of your hands, then your cheek when he'd leaned into kiss you. And if he hadn't spent the last four days regretting every minute he didn't call you up, he sure did want to punch a hole in the fabric of time right about now. 
"You okay there, buddy?" 
Joshua's concern brings Wonwoo back to his body and he looks up, lips pursed and your brother thinks how ridiculous it is that both of you won't just talk it out. But he keeps that judgement to himself, choosing to sit back and watch his best friend pace it out. 
"Yeah, I'm fine. Fine. Really fine. I'm okay." He clears his throat, the first tell. "I'm just… um, a little hot. It's hot in here, huh." 
Joshua tames his bemused smile. "Is it? I just turned up the air-con though?"
"Oh, well, it's just me then. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, um, I love this video game."
"Wonwoo, we were in the middle of choosing a card game to play."
"Fuck. Okay, sorry, just give me a minute, I need to go call… my mother."
"No worries, my guy, give Mrs. Jeon my greetings!" 
Across the hall, you're busy watching over Mingyu as he makes his way around your kitchen. You say watching over because really, the man is so clumsy in his own feet, you wonder how he's lived this long. You have to make sure he doesn't cut a limb off every two seconds.
But then your phone buzzes urgently in your pocket and you pull it out, the light smile playing on your face falling when Wonwoo's name pops up on your screen. Now he texts you?
wonwoo: hey! you think we could talk?
You lock your screen almost as soon as you read the message because honestly, you don't have time to dwell over this man in your phone when there's a whole another person cooking you dinner in front of you. That's what ends up leaving a heartbroken Wonwoo, slumped on Joshua's couch as he barely zones into the movie that was playing on the screen. 
Joshua's had it with sitting around when Wonwoo stays unmoving throughout the ending credits– the man hates the credits for crying out loud!-- and instead decides to play cupid. It wasn't ideal, having to set up his sister with his best friend but well, any commoner could see how clearly you were meant to be with each other and he'd rather not have to listen to both sides' misery. 
It's okay timing, you've finished eating dinner with Mingyu, showering his food with compliments the whole time and flustering with your genuine shock at his abilities the whole night. He's helping you clean up with a cheeky grin on his face whenever he leans in a little too close to place a utensil back in its place and you let a smile overtake your face. But you can barely let yourself enjoy the date because if Wonwoo ill-timed text wasn't enough, you're done for when both him and Joshua show up at your door.
"What the fuck?" you ask your brother because you're positive you told him you had a date tonight and then you spot a spaced out Wonwoo next to him, and suddenly put two and two together. 
Wonwoo's eyes never leave your figure, taking in how beautiful the blue dress you were wearing was and how you'd put your hair up in a half-bun, a few strands framing your face prettily. He feels sick, first in a good way and then Mingyu pops up behind you, and now Wonwoo's sick in a bad way. The tall man looks so comfortable next to you, arm brushing against yours as he raises his eyebrows in confusion at the two intruders.
"Sorry, Gyu, these are…" you start to introduce them as they are and then, find a particularly provoking way to put it, "...my brothers."
Wonwoo might actually throw up right here and right now. Gyu? Brothers???
Joshua butts in quickly, "Well, technically, I'm Y/N's older brother, and this is Wonwoo, my friend."
"Ohhh," Mingyu nods in understanding, bowing when he realizes Joshua's your sibling, "Nice to meet you. I'm Mingyu and I work with Y/N."
Before you know it, Joshua works his charms on Mingyu and suddenly, date night for two turns into family night for four. You watch in dismay as your date spends a full hour talking to your brother about one thing and another, actually considering setting them up for a minute. And then, Mingyu glances at his watch and sighs, telling you he needs to take off. 
Joshua, devil incarnate, offers to walk Mingyu out and before you can protest, Mingyu accepts (????) and you watch helplessly as your brother leaves you alone with Wonwoo, narrowly missing the pointed look Joshua sends his best friend on his way out. 
The room now silent with them gone, you stand up with a wary sigh, patting down your dress. Wonwoo's watching and you know because the first words he says that evening are, "You look beautiful tonight."
You hate how the heat creeps up your neck immediately at his beck and call. But you keep from telling him off because even that would mean you caving in. 
But then he follows you to the kitchen, steps in tandem as you pretend to busy yourself with the dishes. The space between you is small though and you end up bumping into the man trying to reach for the fridge. He takes the chance and holds your wrist in his hand. "Hey," he breathes, "You won't even look at me?" 
"No, I've seen enough."
"I'm assuming that includes the text I sent you tonight. And the ones before that?"
God, you hate how good Wonwoo is at frustrating you. You snap, "Don't act like this is on me, Wonwoo. You're the one who pretends like nothing's happened between us." 
"Really? Because a lot's happened between us, Y/N. A lot of things that haven't happened with you and that Mingyu." 
You scoff, brushing his hand off your wrist. "That is so typical of you. Coming around because you're jealous? But you can't stand to tell my brother something happened between us? What is this, a game to you?"
Wonwoo freezes when he considers what you've said. "Did Shua say something to you?"
You cross your arms, "No. I overheard you telling him. I can't believe it though. I really thought we had something good going for us."
You break away from the arm that Wonwoo raises to keep you close and throw yourself onto your couch with an exasperated sniffle. This couch sure has seen a lot, you think wistfully, silently listening as Wonwoo's footsteps came closer. He's sitting next to you then, hesitant arm around you.
"I'm sorry, Y/N, I'm really sorry. What you heard was… me being an idiot. I wasn't ready to talk about it with Shua so soon. I meant everything happened so fast. I hadn't exactly planned on falling for my best friend's sister, you know? Or kissing her in her apartment either. But it happened and I'm so glad it did. I was just slow at processing it. I'm sorry."
You groan. "It's not completely your fault, I guess. I just wish you would've talked to me about it. I felt so alone the whole time." 
Suddenly Wonwoo's moving up from next to you and dropping onto his knees so that you're now meeting his eyes. He looks concerned, mouth ajar as he takes your hands in his. "Are you with Mingyu?"
You let out a sound of disbelief, "No! I'm– I just called him over because I was mad at you! I thought you thought it was a mistake so I…"
"I don't. And I never did. I'm just scared. But I shouldn't have made that your problem. I love hanging out with you though and I especially love kissing you. It would be great if you'd let me take you out on a date instead, please?" 
And in that moment with Wonwoo on his knees in front of you, looking at you like you'd just told him he would live forever, you don't think you could do anything but say yes. 
– 
"You think we're a cliché?!" 
You flinch at Wonwoo's shocked question after you'd revealed to him the mental list of clichés that you embodied in your relationship with him. He's nearly seething when he finds out you're not joking. 
"Y/N, you know that's the meanest thing you could ever say to me? Am I really that bad a boyfriend?"
"Woo, my love, will you calm down?" you take one of his hands in yours, "I don't think clichés are as bad as you think they are. They're cliché for a reason! It's because they're meant to be done over and over again. They're tried and true."
"Tried and trite, more like."
"Come on, Woo, you can't act like you don't see it! From the very beginning!" 
He takes a lick at his gelato and you smile when you see him softening a little. You stop walking and stand in his way, barely concerned about the strangers littering the small ice-cream shop when you press a kiss to his lips. "I love you," you mumble against his ice-cold mouth. He shoots you a look that informs you that he knows what you're doing but he shoots back, " I love you, too."
"And love itself is cliché, don't you think?"
Wonwoo closes his eyes as if in physical pain while you uncontrollably laugh. "I knew I shouldn't have fallen for that! You're trying to make me cry in public, aren't you?"
"Aww, it's okay to cry, Woo, baby. Emotions are only natural���"
"I'm calling Shua and asking him to pick you up. I'm leaving."
"Okay, I went too far. Don't make me commute with my brother, I beg you."
– 
"Love, you ready to go?" you hear Wonwoo ask from the living room. You'd banished him to the couch after he'd made it his life mission to get in your way while you tried to get ready for your date. Well, double date actually. Karina was visiting you on break with her boyfriend, Taeyong, and she'd asked if you'd be down to get dinner with them. You had never agreed to dinner plans faster. 
"I am," you call back, just as you smear on lipstick, checking your teeth for any missed food particles for good measure. "Can I come in now?" 
You can see Wonwoo's silhouette at the door, gingerly watching you from the back for confirmation. You melt with a soft smile, beckoning him in, "Yes. Your exile's over."
Wonwoo celebrates with an exaggerated fist pump and you laugh at his antics when he skips over excitedly. "I'm a free man," he murmurs as his hands naturally slide down your arms to find your fingers. He twirls you around, admiring the black dress you broke out for the ocassion. "You look gorgeous," he says with a kiss to your cheeks.
"Are you quoting Taylor Swift at me?" you ask him with a giggle.
"Who's that?" he questions with a poorly feigned frown of confusion. You roll your eyes but open your arms invitingly, "Will you hug me?" 
Hugging had gradually become your favorite part of your skinship with Wonwoo, even more so than kissing, because the way he would shoot you a loving smile before wrapping his arms around and swallowing you into a world of cozy and comfort… yeah, you don't think anything could compare easily. Sometimes, he would hum happily, the vibrations would only soothing you into the embrace further and often your boyfriend had to peel you off him so you could actually get on with your day. 
Today, he lets you cling on longer than usual (he likes to say he's rationing his hugs. You tell him he's just a big tease), probably because he's busy relishing in being overwhelmed by your scent and the little kisses you sprinkle across his exposed neck. When he pulls away, you don't complain like normal, instead revealing the stars in your eyes to him. "You're warm. I love this sweater of yours." 
It was the same navy sweater that had you sweating over Wonwoo back when you were still going back and forth with your feelings for each other. He chuckles in amusement and then steps away without warning, earning a whine from you. But then he tugs the sweater off and your expressions turns playful. 
"Woo," you start warningly, "you know we're meeting them at the restaurant by nine–"
You're stopped mid-sentence when Wonwoo straightens out his garment and commands out, "Raise your arms for me, baby?"
But this is not his bedroom voice, no, no. This is his sappy voice and you already know what he's doing when he pulls the sweater over your head and down your torso. "It looks cute," Wonwoo comments by the time you have the sleeves pulled down properly. 
"You know I hate that word, Woo," you complain but he doesn't let you, pecking your forehead. You sigh in defeat and admire the sweater in the mirror, the fabric sitting surprisingly well against the skirt of your dress. You shrug, "I suppose I can work with this new outfit."
"If not, I can always just take it off for you–"
"Okay, we're leaving before you say another word!" 
Wonwoo laughs as he lets you pull him out after you, out the living room and into the hallway. He stands next to you, hands in his pocket while he waits for you to lock the door and glances at Joshua's door, wondering what his best friend was up to. You don't give a chance to do something about it though because your hands back on his arm in no time – and he swears you touch his arm for reasons beyond appropriate but you'd rather die than admit to it– and walk into the night. 
You meet Karina at a place called Love in the Air and Wonwoo's had listen to you go on, super smug, about how beautifully cliché the name and ambience of the restaurant is. Each dish has a romantic origin, like the shall I compare thee to a summer's day cocktail that Karina and Taeyong share, down to the lipstick-shaped bottles of wine served to your table. And as much as Wonwoo pretends to hate the cliché of love, he still orders the matching Valentine's soup as you just so you can watch his order come out in surprise. 
And as much as Wonwoo pretends he doesn't love the cliché of love, when you lean into his arm at the end of the night, already dozing off when he runs his fingers through your scalp, he can't help but let his heart soar with affection for you. And he thinks he would, after all, be in a cliché if it means to end up in your arms night after night. 
--
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
hiii oh my god why is this fic actually long!!! i wrote in like a day too so i'm just confused... it was 3k a minute and then 29 pages the other?? that's just wonwoo magic or smth i guess... this was requested and i hope the anon who asked for this enjoys it!!! writing it made a lil sick because of how sappy it is but ... it is what it is.
and consider this me admitting that i wouldn't mind having joshua be my brother... and that's just the flavor of parasocial relationship i'm dealing with these days lol
as always: lots of love to all friends and foes !!
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witchofthesouls · 6 months ago
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so if we're going with the energon-are-depressed-version-of-tellytubbies-soup. Send a chef reincarnating into a cybertronian, thus blessing Cybertron with more varient of cuisine rather other than bland energon. Or something alike like that.
Heads up, this is mainly going to be commentary.
I actually did have some thoughts along this ballpark. One concept was a college student taking a break to clear her head and finding out she inherited a magical farm in the middle of nowhere and finding out some Cybertronian squatters (one adult and two kids) in the barn.
It was basically a slice of life between the two trying to get the place up and running. Human is getting access to supernatural crops and space farm animals that the sparklings adore, and the miner is getting access to a safe haven with a variety of food that she wouldn't have dreamed in her entire functioning.
(I really wanted to do a take on mechanical chickens and sheep. Potentially go into how Cybertronian domesticated animals may still exist because of trade before Cybertron and its colonies were consumed by warfare, strife, or other means. Go into crossbreeds and all that jazz.)
Other storylines were humans-into-Cybertronians (Welcome to Noctem residents, Grandma Darby, or an old friend of June/Jack's honorary uncle) with some subplots on what TFP Cybertronians were missing out on the food scale since they mainly subsisted on the equivalent of Pedialyte/Ensure gruel sprinkled in with some "Earth is Space Australia"/"humans are space fae" to play on the Earth-is-Unicron subplot, like those ex-humans able to straight up consume hots spring water without issues. Just for Ratchet to significantly test it out and find out hotsprings can help hydrate Cybertronians since they can filter out a lot of the rich minerals. Think of it like coconut water. Very rich in electrolytes. The Autobots would get a speed run on humanity's way of doing cooking. (Imagine if Ratchet, being the very conscientious scientist he is in TFP, needs to interview an Asian ex-human that prefers a more intuitive cooking style instead of exact measurements. Or a homecook that doesn't own any kind of exact measuring tool and just eyeballs/ratios it.)
So going back to it, if a chef was one-wayed ticket via Truck-kun to Cybertron, then they would honestly have an easier time with the Wilder tribes as those mecha would have some sort of cuisine as a massive FUCK YOU to the city-states, Quintessons, and Functionists. Same if they landed somewhere in a Lost Colony. Meanwhile, a bartender/chemist would have an easier time adjusting to the city-states. It would be interesting to explore a duo between the chef and a forager or even the chef with a folklore historian that's been discredited because they had the ball-bearings to publish (now banned) works about early Cybertronian cuisine prior to Quintesson occupation. There's one pairing that's relatively rational with their experimentation and other pairing are just fucking madlads that veer into culinary food crimes.
Guess which is which?
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pedge-page · 5 months ago
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Or imagine Sarah owning a play grocery store and she totally refuses to scan Joel’s items or either doubles the price for his groceries and gives him dirty looks and she may or may not own a play restaurant as well and she refuses to take his orders because everything is either out or she just does not want to put in the effort and just says flat out no and she just winds up giving him whatever she wants him to have
Joel Dealing with Sarah: Price of Bananas
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- - - -
The best and worst toy Joel ever got Sarah was the mini store set up. It's everywhere: He’s constantly groaning in pain, hoisting his foot in the air after stepping on a plastic broccoli, or tripping on that stupid little baby shopping cart the size of a small dog, and don’t even get him started on the manager of that supermarket!
Sarah. Miller.
On his knees, and with a metal basket full of plastic produce and empty boxes, Joel unloads his haul onto the (pretty damn ingenious piece of equipment) toy conveyer belt.
A very grumpy, attitudinal, a little too young to be working here, young lady rolls the belt so his items approach her register slowly.
He grins happily, but she only shoots daggers at him.
Tf did he do? He’s just a happy customer—
BEEP!
Trying to play nice with his—
BEEP!
Sweet little three year old girl and her—
BEEPBEEP!
“Hey, you scanned that twice, ma’am,” he says, pointing to the orange she’s just haphazardly tossed into the plastic bag. BEEP!
“No I didn’t,” she says matter of factly, not even looking his way.
BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!
“You did, and you just charged me for three sushi rolls when I only got one in ya hand.”
She rolls her eyes. 
Testy little thing, aint ya? He raises his brows but says nothing. Rough economy in the Miller house, I tell ya.
“Your total is—“ “You forgot to scan half my cart, kid.”
“Excuse me! I talking!” She snaps back.
She angrily rubs the plastic apples slices back and forth over the scanner, a BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP echoing between the two hostile occupants of this fake grocery store staring one another down. She then tosses it at him rather than at the bag.
The cool thing Joel appreciates about the whole gadget is that, it actually scans the plastic toys and registers a price for each one. Easy stuff, like $1, $2, etc, and totals into the register for her.
So he can CLEARLY see the price, albeit unfair for charging him for 5 bananas when he only had one—and WOULD be fine, were she not randomly punching numbers into the computer, adding additional items at whim that are not in his shopping bag.
“Your total is like, a $million dollars.”
“I got 4 pieces of fruit. No it isn’t.” “Yes. It is. Do I need to call my body guard, sir?”
“Momma ain’t ya body guard. I am. And I’m tellin’ ya, ya over chargin’ me for my damn apples—“
“You not welcome in my store if you gonna rip me off.”
“YOU’RE THE ONE RIPPING ME OFF LITTLE MISS—“ Joel stops, realizing he’s getting heated at a 3 year old over a bunch of plastic toys. “I mean. Yes. Right. Here’s my card—“ “Decline!”
“Ya ain’t even scan it yet.”
“It’s all out of money.” She chucks it back at him, tucks her arms and taps her foot impatiently.
“That’s not how credit card work, Sarah.”
“MISS! SARAH!” She corrects him. 
He grits his teeth. Ripping out the fake wallet of Monopoly money, he counts out 6 random bills, glancing up at the girl, who raises her brows as if expecting more. He pulls even more out and hands it to her. It’s probably $78 total. Thank god she can’t count to hundred yet.
“There. One billion,” he announces begrudgingly.
He goes to take his bag, but she grasps it back. “NO. WE CLOSED!” “I ALREADY PAID. ITS MINE!” “NO!”
You place a hand across both of their eyeballs, temporarily putting them in a freeze. “It’s just pretend. Joel, take a breather.”
He lets out a big huff of steam through his flaring nostrils before crawling over to her cozy corner and plopping his big ass on her tiny princess couch, facing the wall. Spoon takes the cue and waltz over to him, putting her chin on his lap. He absentmindedly begins petting her, soothing away his frustration until he’s docile. 
-
On another day, Chef S Miller has just opened her finest restaurant and everyone is invited.
Joel walks in to see a line of stuffed animals standing behind one another, leading from the hall and into the living room where an array of stacked books act as ‘tables’ for the little stuffies, and some Sarah sized tea tables and chairs hold her bigger dolls.
Joel walks up to the front, but is immediately greeted by an angry munchkin—the one and only ,Chef Sarah.
“You need to wait in line!” She commands, pointing to the end of the hall.
“I got special reservations.” code: I’m not waiting in line behind a bunch of stuffed animals. 
“You have to wait,” she sneers, pointing once again firmly. 
Joel grumbles but makes his way to the back of the line. Even Spoon has somehow taken the whole thing seriously, sitting patiently a few stuffed animals ahead and waiting her turn. For what, he’s not entirely sure she truly knows either.
They both deserve a steak after this.
He watches as Sarah greets her plushy customers “You have reservation? Right this way!!” And walks them to their tables. He rolls his eyes.
Joel’s about to plop over and fall asleep on the plushies when she finally lets him in.
He manages to squeeze his oversized self into one of the tiny tea party chairs, hunched over the even smaller table.
Oh great. She’s not only the chef, bouncer, and hostess. But she’s also the waitress!
Sarah comes over with a disgusted look upon her face, notepad and colored crayon in hand. “What do you want?”
“Steak—“ “Out.”
“Fine, Ribs—“
“Out.”
He sighs. “Hamburger—“
“No.”
“No?”
“No.”
“You out of burgers too?”
“No.”
“So you’re just refusing to give me one.” “What do you want sir, I don’t have all day!” 
“Whatever you’re willing to give me at this point, kid.”
She lets out an exasperated sigh, scribbling nonsense busily into her notepad.
Oh, she can’t write either. It’s literally just orange scribbles.
She leaves to go get a snack in the kitchen, pet Spoon, play with the other stuffed animals, put her head down for a 5 minute nap, before stretching and going to Joel again—
“What’s takin so long, chef?” He asks curiously. God, his back is killing him. five more minutes of this and he’s putting Spoon in his place so he can lay on the couch…
She rolls her eyes and storms off to the play kitchenette. He watches as she bangs pots and pans onto the fake stove, mixing in half of the play grocery store items and random things she found lying around the house: jenga wood blocks, plastic broccoli and fish, bits of Spoon’s dried kibble, barbie brushes and shoes. She runs it under the faucet of fake water, making a “SHHHHHH” sound as she does, then fires up the pretend grill and mixes it altogether with Daddy’s very expensive whisk.  
She then dumps it on a plastic frisbee turned upside down into a plate and then—
Dumps it all on Joel’s lap.
“What kind of service—! I demand to see the manager!” Joel says, hands on his hips.
She nods and turns around, and turns again. “I’m the manager. What’s the problem?”
His eyes feel so heavy now. So he needs to call in reinforcements.
“HONNEEYYYY.”
After some time, you work out an agreement : Sarah and Joel splitting a pb+J sandwhich you had just whipped up, and Spoon also got a cut in the deal with some of that kibble that got knocked on the floor.
And you all sit around the little table peacefully munching on your respective snacks. No hostile threats. no anger. just brain empty, yummy food full.
Turns out, they were both just really hungry. 
- - - -
taglist:
@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop @himboelover @callsignwidow @wintersquirrel @fluffygoffpanda @picketniffler @bbyanarchist @jeewrites
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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 7 months ago
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Cater fr ordered a pizza and sodie pops to have as a snack mid-court case I CAAAN’T 😭
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I first saw this art work right after I woke up and immediately got hungry + started craving pizza 🤡 (Me not even paying attention to Cater, only the food 💦)
I guess it’s good that he’s keeping himself fed and hydrated but I fhsvsjjwkw can’t help but think it’s really inefficient to eat while serving as judge?? Imagine handling court documents with fingers greasy from a pizza slice or accidentally spilling a soda and getting your fancy clothes all sticky… As someone who prefers eat with cutlery and sip with a straw, this is a nightmare 💀
… So anyway, I actually went out and got pizza in honor of Cay-kun’s new SSR 😂 (*inserts an extreme close-up shot just to annoy him*)
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P.S. AYO shoutout to those three mob students in the background, they’re lookin’ pretty cute with their lack of eyeballs 🥺
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writesvani · 4 months ago
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— f i c r e c s [ 🧸 ];
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helloooo besties, it’s your resident caffeine-fueled, nicotine-infused, emotionally unstable writer back at it again. now, prepare yourselves for the absolute shock of the century—I have another hobby. and no, it’s not setting my life on fire for the plot (though, arguably, that too). it’s… reading. gasp. i know. groundbreaking.
because i am nothing if not a selfless, benevolent being, i have taken it upon myself to bless your eyeballs (and quite frankly, your entire soul) with my all-time favorite bts fics—aka the stories that have ruined me in the best way possible. some of these have been my emotional support system for years, holding my hand through the highs and lows, while others have only recently entered my life and immediately made themselves at home in the depths of my soul. either way, they all own a piece of my heart (and what’s left of my sanity). so grab your emotional support beverage, take a deep breath, and let’s dive into the chaos.
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starting off strong, i decided to go with matilda by @babystrcandy—the fic that single-handedly made me fall in love with writing and reading all over again. matilda is emotional, raw, angsty, and painful in the most devastatingly beautiful way. it’s the kind of story that doesn’t just hurt—it carves itself into your soul, stays there rent-free, and makes you thank it for the privilege.
i could talk about the storytelling and narration of matilda all day, but honestly? i don’t think i’d ever do it justice. yeah, it’s painful—like someone’s slicing you open from the inside out—but it’s also comforting in a way i can’t explain. it’s everything.
read if you like: YOONGI X READER, brother’s best friend, angst, pining, yearning, childhood friends to lovers, smut, fluff, YEARNING (yes, it deserves a second mention), and found family, detailed storytelling, nostalgic feelings
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moving on to the next masterpiece (but of no lesser value, obviously), my pick is throttle by @alphabetboyluvr. honestly, at this point, i’d recommend anything by this author—everything they write is straight-up art.
i remember reading chapter one a while ago, falling in love, and then... losing the fic. tumblr, we need to have a chat. but the universe (and my detective skills) led me back to this blog, and when i finally found throttle again, i was literally reading with my mouth OPEN. shooketh doesn’t even begin to describe it. dare i say… this author is THE best fanfic writer i’ve ever come across? yeah, i said it.
this story is beautiful—but not in a soft, fluffy way. no, it’s the kind of beauty that lulls you into comfort while something dark watches from the shadows. waiting. waiting. and then BAM, you’re wrecked. watching oc and jungkook fall in love, the build-up, THE GOD-TIER VOCABULARY—i swear, i wasn’t just reading, i was inside this fic. i felt every single word. and don’t even get me started on the angst. the pain. i could write a whole damn essay on why this work is perfection, but i’m seriously trying not to spoil everything, so just bear with me.
read if you like: JUNGKOOK X READER, insanely good descriptions, YEARNING, smitten jk, angst, pain (because we’re all masochists here, let’s be real), amazing plot, questionable characters making questionable decisions, love that consumes you, and SMUT (so good it deserves all caps).
side note: this author needs to write a book. like, an actual book. if they haven’t already, someone needs to force them because their potential is astronomical.
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okay okay okay, it’s time for the next one, which, in my very humble yet undeniably correct opinion, is on par with the previous ones—kkangpae by @jungkoode.
i seriously debated whether to recommend this, off labels, or fmu (because everything @jungkoode writes is god-tier), but kkangpae ultimately stole my heart and refused to give it back. what really gets me about this fic (besides the top-tier writing style and chef’s kiss dialogue) is how insanely immersive and well thought-out the concept is. like, first of all, the descriptions? immaculate. even I—someone who struggles to visualize scenes in books—could picture every single detail in this fic as if i was right there.
but it doesn’t stop there. the concept is so elaborate that you can genuinely see how the entire kkangpae system functions. it feels real. like, if someone told me this was an inside scoop on an actual gang’s operations, i’d believe them. and don’t even get me started on the psychological depth of these characters—unparalleled. this author has mastered the art of explaining emotions through body language in a way that just hits.
read if you like: JUNGKOOK X READER, strangers to lovers, psychological depth in fiction, good dialogue, angst, smut, gang AUs, SLOW BURN, sexual tension so thick you need a knife to cut through it, immersive writing, and fresh, new concepts in literature
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moving on to the next absolute masterpiece—older by @lovieku .
first of all, let me just say: this is the most delicious smut/pWITHp/destroy me but in a fuckable way fic i have ever read in my life. period. the build-up towards the actual… well, action (you know what i mean) is insane. this author nailed the ache of wanting something forbidden—the slow, torturous unraveling of knowing it’s wrong but being so consumed by it that you physically cannot resist. it’s giving longing, it’s giving temptation, it’s giving i am one second away from losing my goddamn mind over this person.
the pacing? immaculate. the narration? flawless. but my favorite part? THE INNER MONOLOGUE. jk’s pov in this fic??? chef’s kiss. we rarely get male character's pov in bts fics, so seeing his thoughts—his restraint, his YEARNING—oh my god. HE WANTED HER SO BAD BUT HELD BACK UNTIL THE VERY END. LITERALLY. UGH. UGH. YUMMY.
read if you like: JUNGKOOK X READER, age gap, forbidden romance, best friend’s dad au (yes, you read that right), smut, angst, smut again because it’s that good and i’m a horny rat, jk's pov in fics, and perfectly executed inner dialogue.
side note: yes, i am absolutely one of those people praying in front of a shrine for part two, even though i know it’s never gonna happen. but hey, gotta smile through the pain, right?
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now, let’s all give a round of applause for one of my all-time favorite authors here—@kithtaehyung—and their god-tier fic hush, yeah.
now, i seriously debated which of their masterpieces to include. 3tan? minted? listen, i LOVE THEM. okay? i consume and reread them on a daily basis like they’re my emotional support system. but. BUT. i need to put you all onto something else. and that something is hush, yeah.
guys. listen to me. i was literally sweating while reading some of these scenes—yeah, it’s THAT hot. the build-up in this fic? everything. every glance. every look. every word. the tension is so thick you could choke on it (and honestly, i wouldn’t complain). the descriptions? top-tier. literally cinematic. i have no notes.
but real talk—why is this fic abandoned, again?? hello?? i need the next chapter like i need air. so i’m putting it here, sending all my prayers, all my manifestation energy, every ounce of spiritual strength i have in me for an update because if we never get it… i might actually die.
read if you like: TAEHYUNG X READER, smut, DELIRIOUSLY GOOD SMUT OKAY, tiny tiny bits of angst (lowkey, but it’s there), smut so hot you might combust, and absolutely insane, detailed, expressive writing.
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okay guys, that’s enough for tonight. seriously, i am so tired i might just plop onto the bed and never wake up again. if this is my final message, just know i went out doing what i loved—screaming about fics.
but don’t worry, i’ll be back with more recs soon because i am ready to serve, okay? in the meantime, if you have any specific ideas for what you’d like to read, please ask. i’ve read a lot—mafia, ceo, werewolves, vampires, childhood friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, mermaid AUs, you name it. so feel free to send an ask if you’re looking for something specific, and i will do my best to deliver a fic that perfectly matches your taste.
okay now. peace out. i am officially asleep.
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theoutcastrogue · 1 month ago
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Fried eggplant or zucchini with tzatziki
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It's a hassle, it's time sensitive (you can't reheat it and it's no use cold) and it takes a ton of olive oil, but it's (otherwise) very cheap and delicious. Serve as a side-dish, or ignore the main dish and combine with a bunch of other mezze. It screams for booze, preferably ouzo.
@st-just (and @tuulikki, this is what I cooked for you!)
1) T-minus 2 hours: Eggplant / zucchini preparation
1 zucchini or 1/2 eggplant per person, +1 for the wayfarer (y'know, backup)
You can fry the eggplants with or without batter. Decide beforehand: if you don't use batter, you need to cut them in paper thin slices. If you do, make the slices a bit thicker, but no more than 0.5 cm. I always fry zucchini with batter.
You can slice along the axis (for fewer and larger, oval slices, it's what I usually do), or perpendicular to the axis (for more and smaller, round slices). If you do that with the eggplants, don't peel them, just cut the top and bottom. If you do oval eggplant slices, peel them completely or "one on, one off" (they end up looking like striped pants).
The goal is to make them slightly crispy, so you need to get rid of the water before frying. Some people squish them or leave them in a strainer, but I place the slices on a large plate (spread, not lumped together, and well-salted), with thick absorbent paper towels below and above them. It usually takes 2-3 layers. I then ignore them for an hour, then change the paper towels and keep ignoring them until it's time to fry them. By then the towels are soaked but the vegetables are dry.
2) T-minus 1 hour 40 minutes: Tzatziki
1 cup of strained yoghurt (aka greek yoghurt), full fat
1/2 cucumber or 1 baby cucumber
~4 large cloves of garlic
~1 teaspoon of olive oil
salt
[Measurements for ~4 people]
Tzatziki has to be thick and firm, not watery. So first you need to strain the cucumber, which is like 90% water. How I do it: I peel the cucumber and grate it in a flat plastic plate. I spread it there like a paste, then place the plate diagonally. I let gravity do the work, emptying the water periodically. (Other people squish the cucumber with their hands, or leave it in a strainer. Whatever works for you, as long as you get rid of the water.)
Chop the garlic as fine as possible, or use a garlic press. How much garlic? Oh I couldn't tell you. People have come to blows over this. If unsure and timid, try it with 3 and adjust to taste while you mix it.
If there's any water in the yoghurt, empty it. Put the yoghurt in a big bowl and work it with a spoon, make it smoother. Add a little olive oil, mix it well. Add salt, mix it. By now the cucumber's strained, so start adding that and the garlic, bit by bit, and mix very well. When all the ingredients are incorporated evenly, cover and put it in the fridge. Half an hour minimum, 1 hour better, and it's fine if you make it the day before.
Optionally garnish with fresh spearmint, and/or plop a Kalamata olive in the middle.
3) T-minus 45 minutes: Batter
~3 tablespoons of flour / person
pinch of baking powder
water
ouzo
salt
I don't have good measurements to give here, I eyeball it. Mix flower with water in a bowl, add salt, a pinch of baking powder and bit of ouzo (optional but so good, it makes it tingle!), and try to end up with a batter that you can coat your vegetables in, but is not too watery.
It's better if you leave it in the fridge for half an hour, but it's not a disaster if you use it immediately.
4) T-minus 15 minutes: Into the frying pan
This is tricky. We're deep-frying with olive oil. It's not impossible, but it needs precision. So here's how to eyeball it. (What did y'all expect, a food thermometer?)
Take a big skillet, put it on the big whatsitcalled (burner?) of the stovetop, high heat. Mine goes from 1 to 6, so let's use these numbers for reference: 5 out of 6. When the surface of the skillet is hot for your hand, add a bucket of olive oil if you're making zucchini, or two buckets of olive oil for the notoriously oil-friendly eggplants.
Okay, not bucket, but enough for the zucchini slices to flow freely in there. For the eggplants, enough to submerge and drown them forever. And keep the olive oil handy, it may take more. Seriously, it's hilarious how much oil this plant absorbs.
Let the oil heat VERY well, but do NOT let it burn. If there's a whiff or smoke and the smell of burning oil, sorry, it's too late. While you wait, take out the vegetables. Throw them in the bowl of batter if that's what you went for, mix around until they're all covered, and wash your hands. Equip the Tongs.
Is the oil ready? If in doubt, cheat: throw a little bit of eggplant or zucchini in there, it's ready when it sizzles riotously. Use the Tongs to place the slices in the skillet, in a single layer, none on top of the other, and not lumped together. If you used batter, leave a margin between them so that they won't stick together. Put as many slices fit in the skillet, and no more. It behooves you to be quick about it.
Depending on the stove and thickness of the slices, it will take ~2 to 3 minutes for the colour of the dipped-in-batter zucchini/eggplants to turn golden-coloured, and a little less for the colour of the plain eggplants to turn mostly golden brown with a little yellow. That's when they're ready, it's time to flip them!
Watch out for the oil. Is it dangerously low, or does your nose tell you that it's about to burn? Add some more, don't be stingy. Wait until the 2nd side is done like the 1st, colour-wise, remove and serve. Then keep putting slices in the skillet, keep watching out for the oil level in there, lower the heat from 5 to 4 (out of 6) when you put your last batch of eggplants/zucchini, and kill the heat altogether when you flip the last batch.
Note: if your slices are evenly thick, you can flip/remove them in the order you put them in, and get done with it. If not, the thinner they are the faster they're done, so judge each by their colour. It's okay if you miscalculate and end up flipping them more than once. Just don't let them burn.
If you have leftover batter once you're done, plop it in the skillet and flip it after a couple of minutes: this is how the supremely low-tech greek pancakes are made.
5) T-0: Eat!
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zucchini fried with batter. the arrow shows what colour to aim for, according to most people (I like'em crispier, personally). bad photo but eh.
Serve the eggplants/zucchini hot, plop tzatziki on top, grab a bottle of ouzo, off you go.
Only the eggplants without batter are any good when they're cold, and even then they'll last until dinner or the next lunch, no more. But leave them uncovered. Like, you can put a paper towel on top or something, but nothing air-tight, they'll lose the crispiness.
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