#sleep was (to an outside perspective as I found out later) a very strange experience

[msvorderofoperations]

More dream journaling

I was living with my family again, but we were in the midst of packing everything to move. We were moving because the home we currently were in was haunted...I think. Details were vague at this point, and there were definitely other factors in play. Once everything was packed away, we were deciding what to do to kill some time because the move was happening the next day. The idea of seeing a movie is floated, and we happen to be right next to a theatre.

We go to see a movie (I think it was TMNT: Mutant Mayhem, of all things) and as we're filing into the theatre, I see a content creator whose work I used to follow (The Spoony One, if you're familiar). And it also just so happens that a group meetup for the Rooster Teeth community is happening at the same time. After the movie is over, I get recognized by someone who is documenting the whole event. They then pivot the narrative to talk about my contributions to the community, which were not numerous but were very significant. I had fundamentally changed the meta of several of the games that the community played and/or created. I created a style of sign off in a community content driven show that a lot of people ended up using. I made a bunch of animations using assets provided by Rooster Teeth and other members of their forums that a lot of people found inspirational. It is worth noting at this point that none of the things I was being cited as influencing actually exist, but it carried a very powerful feeling of being real.

And after all of this deeply moving and happy reminiscing, I then run into a former friend that I cut off some years ago. He has changed very much as a person, but along the lines of why I had to distance myself from him. He is deeply bitter about the fact that I stopped being in touch with him, and has made hating me a big part of his identity and he has a whole group of people with him dedicated to the same. He doesn't even ask why I stopped hanging out with him, but just assumes that everything was done out of malice. But as he does in real life, everything he says and does is passive. Snide remarks and heckling are all he can muster.

Not wanting to put an end to the "this is your life" style presentation the Rooster Teeth documentarion has put together, it continues despite my former friends interruptions. It then moves to the times long before I joined the RT forums, where I had done things like enter robot fighting tournaments, been tech support for a lot of people, and built my own computers and laptops, all while being in elementary school. It even goes into how I railed against and maliciously complied with disciplinary efforts made by the schools I was in at the time that were downright dystopian. All of these things were done with style and panache that I absolutely did not have as an early child, much less as an adult in real life. As none of the people who will read this will know, I did not do any of the things being showcased in this dream, apart from cutting off my friend. I don't doubt there are a few people who miss my presence on the Rooster Teeth site, but I was first and foremost a lurker, and only posted very occasionally. And it was never anything as ornate and involved as the things being remembered here. All the same, I was deeply awash in nostalgia for the early internet, and this is something that has happened a couple of times in my recent dreams.

Once the whole remembrance had wrapped, I was asked to join in on the rest of the day's events. As I did, slipping back into old behaviours felt as natural as breathing and as comfortable as a pair of perfectly sized gloves. The entire time I felt so at home and complete that I began to wonder why I had ever left. In reality, I stopped being part of the community because the staff (in ways I was never able to confirm or really even investigate beyond hearsay and second-hand accounts) had mistreated a number of my friends. I will not go into details as I don't actually know for certain that these things happened, and this was many years ago at this point.

All while this is happening, my former friend is standing at the sidelines and endlessly shittalking. At this point I take him aside and go over why I stopped being around him (he was entirely passive about everything in his life and would never take any actions to improve or change his situation and I couldn't be around someone like that even in my 20s), and why I think he needs to move on from me to start growing as a person. He finally relents and leaves to do some reevaluation of his life.

The idea that having this single conversation and fully changing someone's life is egotistical to the point of narcissism, but I won't deny that the idea of getting closure on this whole thing felt very satisfying. And around this time, I woke up.

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

Supposedly 

A/N: this was a request sent in that inspired me a lot for some reason and i figured i’d do it cause i haven’t done any demon!h and demon!reader in a while so i gave it a go and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out :D enjoy!

Anonymous: This may be too cutesy for them, but do demon!harry and demon!reader ever cuddle after they fuck? Or they fall asleep separately but wake up in each other’s arms and just try to play it off awkwardly 

word count: 4.5k

content: some angst but nothing major, fluff, mentions of nudity, and some cocky asshole demon!h because that’s his Brand laidese and germs!!

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Despite the emotionless, unattached agenda demons tend to uphold, let it be known that Harry didn’t really mind what was happening at the moment. 

On the surface level, from an outside perspective, this definitely doesn’t fit the bill for what is expected from his kind. Cuddling is an action reserved usually for real couples that have a sentimental bond, which he and Y/N are very much not. He’s not even quite sure what they are, really. Their relationship— if he can even call it that— was born out of three very important, adequately limiting notions: a mutual understanding, the desire for a convenient warm body, and sheer boredom. 

Nothing more, nothing less. 

The mutual understanding was that neither of them wanted a genuine significant other, given what they are, so it was established that feelings were to be kept out of this arrangement completely. Emotions lead to complications, complications lead to a falling out, and a falling out would be inexplicably messy considering that they’ve shared the same friend group for well over a decade now and neither are willing to let a booty call mishap ruin that. Feelings stay dormant, end of discussion. 

The desire for a convenient warm body is pretty self-explanatory— Harry and Y/N had known each other for a while now so there was no annoying getting to know you phase, they both agreed that they found the other attractive, and they both live relatively close to one another so it was a pleasant set-up with minimal issues. Harry could shoot her a text at three in the morning and she’d be at his place in less than five minutes, or vice versa. There was no spending hours at a bar trying to pick someone up, no time wasted learning what the other person likes and dislikes, and certainly no fretting over birth control tactics to keep up appearances— they were both dead, which is a morbid advantage but an advantage nonetheless. It was easy access, easy fun, and easy clean-up. 

The sheer boredom aspect was just that. It had started on a drunken night out with friends, where— by a series of fortunate events— Harry and Y/N had ended up together post-bender, sitting in his car in the parking lot of a club. They had been waiting for him to sober up to drive them home and she had made a passing comment about not wanting to turn in for the night quite yet. He’d blinked at her sluggishly, absentmindedly reaching over to tuck a rouge strand of hair behind her ear because he was getting secondhand irritation from it tickling her nose. He’d spoken up, voice numb and thick from the alcohol. “What do you wanna do, then?”

Y/N had glanced over at him, eyes half-lidded as they had raked down his lean tattooed chest, his unbuttoned silk sheer shirt leaving very little to the imagination. When she’d pinned her gaze back up to his, her eyes had inked black as they’d flitted to the palm of his hand for a second, a suggestive glint washing across their reflective surface as the corner of her pretty mouth had quirked. “I have a decent idea of exactly what I wanna do.”

And now here they were, with many restless, heated nights, ruined bed frames, and rumpled sheets littering their past, as well as their immediate future. 

And here Harry was, slowly blinking awake after one of those said nights, cruel scratches itching across his back as they finish up healing, an empty content still bubbling at the pit of his stomach. 

His lashes flutter open as he inhales a large sigh, flinching at the bright sunlight filtering its way through the lightly swaying curtains. The only sound in the room is the soft thrum of the air vent at the far corner of the ceiling, alongside Y/N’s soft, rhythmic breathing. 

In his barely conscious state, Harry goes to do what he always does the morning after he’s spent a night doing Y/N’s back in: he goes to stretch. He does most of the work more times than not— courtesy of his dominant tendencies— but she always gives him a run for his soul. Anything he dishes out, she usually returns with the same amount of energy and will. Last night hadn’t been any different and the ache at the bottom of his spine and along his inner thighs proves it. 

Harry instinctively goes to lift his arms above his head, reaching for the top of the headboard to use it as support. He is stopped cold when he realizes a foreign weight is keeping one of his arms pinned to the bed. 

He knuckles at his eyes with his free hand, ridding them of the last residues of sleep, and then drags his palm up his face and through his mussed curls to comb away his disorientation. He cranes his sore neck to the side and downwards, eyebrows jolting up in surprise when he’s met with a wall of fluffy, tangled, mandarin-scented hair. 

Harry lifts his head up slightly, neck straining to see over the back of Y/N’s wild halo to make sure that the image before him isn’t some type of exhaustion-induced mirage. 

It’s odd for her to be so near him— she usually likes her space; says that being too close in proximity for too long is irritating. It’s why she usually sleeps with her back to him at the other end of the bed, and why he’s gotten accustomed to giving her the majority of the mattress space. Despite the fact that it’s his flat, she’s stubborn, hard-headed, argumentative and frankly, he’d rather just forfeit the extra leg room instead of bickering for thirty minutes just to end up losing anyways. It’s gentlemanly, in a sense. Minimal, but it’s something.

Given Y/N’s general disgust for excess contact, it’s no shock as to why Harry is utterly baffled right now. He’s about ninety-eight percent sure she’d fallen asleep all the way across the expanse of his sheets so how did they willingly end up here? How did they end up with her bare back pressed to his chest, her legs intertwined between his, and his arm wrapped almost protectively around her waist, wedged between her hips and the bed. 

Harry would never outright admit it but...he’s not necessarily mad about it. 

As he lays there for a few more seconds, absorbing the situation with an expression of pensive dismay pinching his face, he slowly comes to terms that he’s actually starting to enjoy this.

The warmth of her smooth skin gradually undoes the knot of confusion between his brows. The sensation of her back flushing against his chest as it rises and falls with her breathing erases the unease dipping the corners of his stinging mouth. The way she’s started to unconsciously rub her calves gently up and down his own makes the last traces of unsettlement melt off his face, replaced by an appearance of subtle affection, lips parting in blank wonder. 

Harry relaxes back into the plushness of the mattress, eyes remaining glued to a blissfully ignorant Y/N. His thoughts are scurrying around the inside of his skull, attempting to get accustomed with this new experience, having a difficult time arranging into place. He’s aware that he seems to be taking easily to what’s unfolding, but there’s an unsteady bubble inflating in his chest. He knows that if he lets himself dwell in this too much, it’ll end up biting him in the ass later, most likely as a wave of undealt emotions and crippling loneliness; that’s baggage he’s spent too many years compartmentalizing for it to all just come bursting out. 

All those decades of locking away his issues are in danger of resurfacing, and all for some harmless hugging? Doesn’t seem like a fair negotiation, and he knows plenty about negotiations. 

However, he can’t seem to make himself pull away. 

Especially not when Y/N suddenly shifts in her sleep, turning onto her other side so that she's now facing him, snuggling deeper into his body and tucking her head into the junction between his neck and collarbones. Her annoyingly soft, hot lips smear against his throat, settling into the dip at the center where a pulse would normally be present. The feeling of her exhales washing across his cold skin sends a wringing down his spine, a hushed “fuck…” escaping his dry mouth as the warmth behind the gesture spreads upwards, spilling redness into his cheeks and along the shells of his ears. Her hands come up as loose fists, pressing between his pectorals lightly, her own naked chest flushing against her forearms. 

Surprisingly enough, her supple chest isn’t at the forefront of his mind at this instant. Instead, he’s focused on the intimacy they’re sharing in this moment, unbeknownst to her and stressfully beknownst to him. 

Harry’s free hand acts of its own accord, coasting upwards towards her face and moving her chin over a bit until his palm can comfortably nurse her jaw. He rubs the pad of his thumb across her bottom lip slowly, every ridge and bump sending miniature shots of electricity surging through his veins, his eyes falling shut at this strange form of pleasure he hasn’t felt in ages. 

Y/N just looks so beautiful like that, in such a vulnerable state that he knows for sure no one else has ever gotten to witness— at least not in a very long time. 

No one else has gotten to see the way her lashes sit atop her cheekbones so delicately, her face soothed by sleep, not a wrinkle or grimace in sight. She looks as if she were made of porcelain, her features nothing short of perfect. No one has gotten to witness the way she mumbles a handful of incoherent, groggy words, her mind lost in a meaningless dream, or the way her nose twitches in the cutest manner as a draft from the air conditioning runs across it, causing her to sniffle. No one has seen the way she gives into his touch, her face cradling deeper into his hand, chasing the uncommon gentleness behind his demeanor and it hadn’t occurred to Harry that maybe— just maybe— she’s craving this type of innocent bliss, too, though he’s certain she would never confess to it if she were awake. 

Harry runs his hand down the slope of her bruised neck and across the curve of her shoulder, tracing the teeth marks he had left the night before. The tip of his fingers follow down the incline of her torso, wriggling around her side, his wrist resting upon the faint dip of her waist. He cups her lower back with his large hand, borrowing a moment to appreciate the way it fits flawlessly. He then leans forward some to give his reach more length, his digits carefully trailing up the middle of her spine, the action timid and tranquil. 

He looks down at her from over the tops of his colored cheeks, chewing on his bottom lip nervously as he continues to lull his fingers up and down her back. Y/N releases a shy whimper of gratitude, her whole body bathing in a light shiver. She does like it.

Harry swallows thickly, moving away a few locks of hair off her shoulder with the tip of his nose, glassy jade irises studying her facial expressions to make sure she’s still asleep. He puckers his tingling lips, pressing a bundle of chaste kisses to the fading bite marks on her staticy skin. If his heart still beat, he feels like it would be glowing right now. 

He tilts his chin up, settling it on top of her head and sighing in satisfaction as he feels her steady breathing wash across his Adam’s Apple, her flyaway hairs tickling his nostrils. 

He decides to stay like that for a while,  just basking in her company within this tender setting that he knows he probably won’t receive again anytime soon. Harry lays there, limbs woven between Y/N’s as his black-polished nails scratch gently at her back, swimming in his numb thoughts. 

After what feels like hours— but is realistically just ten minutes— he goes to gingerly shift the arm stuck beneath her body, trying to regain some circulation. Y/N stirs, resulting in him freezing in place to prevent a mishap, his mouth finding her warm forehead and placing a lingering kiss between her brows. It eases her. 

Harry waits five minutes before trying again.

He manages to escape this time around, lifting his arm above his head and twisting out the cramp in his wrist, then folding it behind his head. He allows his eyes to shut once again, intent on spending a bit longer milling in this bubble of domestic peace.

His plan is shattered to pieces by an alarmed, angry sentence. 

“What the fuck?”

His eyelids fly open, ice materializing across his entire nervous system. 

Shit.

Y/N launches upwards, sitting up rigidly with her face contorted in startled repulsion, clutching his blood red sheets to her chest as her hair stands up in tousled tuffs. “What in Lucifer’s red, barren hell are you doing?”

Harry now has two distinctive routes to pick from: confess to partaking in the unorthodox cuddling, or fake it and say he was asleep as well and that it had all been an unintentional mistake. 

It’s hardly a choice. 

He flings his arms away from the other demon’s body as if sickened, shooting up into a seated position and slouching back onto his palms, a look of agitated horror plastered across his sleepy, handsome features. “What do you mean what am I doing? What the fuck were you doing?”

Y/N blinks at him as if he’d just stabbed her between the eyes with a demon blade, irises momentarily flitting black with nerves, the area under her waterline webbing with dark veins. “What do you mean what was I doing? You were the one with your arms around me!”

Harry narrows his sight at her pointedly, thick brows furrowing with faux resentment. “You were the one with your head snuggled into my neck and your hands on my chest!”

“You were the one kissing my forehead!”

“You were the one rubbing up on my legs!”

“Because you were close to me!”

“Because you rolled over here!” 

“No I didn’t!”

“Oh, so what?” Harry snaps sarcastically, drawing forward and crossing his arms over his chest adamantly. “Did an angel sneak in and place you there? Because as I recall, you always sleep on the left side of the bed, so what were you doing on the right?”

Harry’s accurate counter renders Y/N speechless, her mouth parting quizzically as if waiting for a response to magically appear. Her eyebrows cinch down begrudgingly, the gears in her head spinning on overdrive, trying to piece together an appropriate rebuttal. Her grasp tightens on the blanket covering her bare body. “Well, I...I don’t know—I don’t think I—”

Harry cocks his head to the side expectantly, loose curls falling across his forehead as he shrugs his brows with a condescending air. He mimics her with a high-pitched voice. “Well, I— I don’t know— I—I don’t think I—I—I—”

Y/N’s face goes sour as heat floods her cheeks, fire threatening to spark across the tips of her sizzling ears. She yanks the sheets off of him, holding them with one hand as she uses the other to begin crawling across the bed towards the edge, a haphazard defense thrown over her shoulder. “Shut up! It wasn’t on purpose!”

Harry scoffs in dark amusement, not even bothering to cover himself up. He bites into his cheek to keep from exploding into a round of triumphant laughter; he can’t believe he managed to turn the tides so quickly. “Oh, so you admit it was you, then?”

Y/N dismounts the atrociously tall bed, stumbling over the long linens as she desperately searches for her clothes. “No! I’m just saying that whatever happened, it didn’t happen intentionally!” 

“Obviously.” The brunette demon snorts, shaking his head for subtle emphasis, crossing his ankles offhandedly and returning both arms to the place where one had been prior— tucked behind his head casually. “What do you think we are, mortal?” 

“Of course not.” Y/N agrees quickly— a little too quickly, which hints to Harry that she might be trying to cover something up. Perhaps she wasn’t as disgusted by this as she had led on…

He watches as his friend— he uses the term lightly— shuffles around his room, peering at the floor in an determined quest to find her jeans, underwear, and black lace blouse. Or maybe she’s just hellbent on avoiding eye contact with him. 

“Y/N…” His tone has lost its arrogantly mocking edge, softened by what she can only decode as...guilt? 

She ignores it and doesn’t answer, nearly passing out in relief when she spots her panties and bra hanging off the doorknob to his closet. She snatches them swiftly, panning her gaze around the rest of the room for her leftover clothes, spotting them in a pile sticking out from underneath the opposite corner of the bed. They’d probably gotten kicked there in the heat of the moment. 

Harry repeats himself a little louder, adding onto his comment to try and stifle some of the embarrassment radiating from her. “Y/N, you don’t have to leave. You usually stay for breakfast.” 

Y/N scoops up her outfit, settling it into the crook of her right elbow and squaring her shoulders as if ready to brace a hellhound. Their gazes lock and he feels his stomach flop when he sees the vulnerability she’s obviously trying to hide. She’s good at it, he’ll give her that, but if he stares intently enough, he can just make out the traces of conflicted longing leaking into the disinterested facade around her pupils. 

“It’s fine, Harry.” She sighs heavily, her tone drastically different from the unkempt girl that had been floundering about just seconds ago. She’s now calm, cool, collected, and scaringly so. “I have somewhere to be later. Meeting someone to close a deal.”

She shrugs one shoulder indifferently, grabbing a handful of the sheets arranged around her figure and pulling away, dropping the bedspread at his feet and leaving herself completely nude. 

And there she is, the Y/N he so well knows. The same one that uses sex appeal as a shield. 

She’s managed to spackle the cracks that had appeared in her typical barrier of heartlessness, her confidence and ease leveling off once again. She places her clothes on top of the crumpled sheets, picking out her cheeky bright red panties from the heap and working them up her tempting legs. Harry can’t help but notice the hickies covering her inner thighs, as well as the finger prints staining her hips. 

Y/N catches him ogling, smirking to herself now that she has her composure back in order. She hooks her index finger around one of the straps in her bra, lifting it up and bouncing the lace lingerie in front of him teasingly. She raises her eyebrows at her lover provokingly, a sultry air pouting her lips. “Think you can help a girl out?”

Harry licks at his slightly chapped lips thoughtfully, eyes flickering between the article hanging off her hand to the sly grin decorating the edges of her pretty mouth. When he speaks, it’s low and thicker than usual, accent heavy. “Of course, pet.”

His legs thunk emptily off the bed and onto the floor, a small grunt catching the back of his throat as he pushes himself up onto his feet. He is most definitely sore. 

His footsteps are soft against the carpeted ground, faltering as he rounds the corner of the mattress. 

Y/N eyes his every move, suckling her bottom lip at the way his muscles flex and contract under his sun-kissed skin. She doesn’t let herself wander below his waist though; she’s never one to pass up flaunting her power of will. 

Harry stops about a foot away, taking the bra from she is offering and holding it out for her to slip into. She does so at a mind-numbing pace, her toes curling as she feels his warm fingertips running the material up her arms and onto their designated spot on her shoulders. He tugs at the hooks gently, pinning them into place and tucking the tag in, exactly how he’s seen her do countless of times before. 

He then runs the palms of his hands up her arms, sighing softly at the silky sensation of her skin and giving her shoulders a dismissive squeeze. “All done.” 

Y/N turns on her heels to face him, looking up innocently through her lashes, lips quirking into an easy smile. “Thank you. Such a gentleman.” 

Her playfully seductive personality is unbearably contagious, seen in how Harry returns her action with a coy scoff and a simper of his own. “For you, always.”

“Well…” Y/N turns her lower half to the side, showing him her ass for significance, which is covered in the unmistakable print of his hand and rings. “I wouldn’t say always.” 

Harry’s pursed lips break into an even wider shit-eating grin, his cheeky laughter echoing across the walls of the apartment, his arms absentmindedly folding across his broad chest. “Yeah, well, you can’t say it’s one-sided, can you?”

He points towards his neck, stretching his chin upwards so that she gets a good view of all the fading love bites she’d left there the night before. 

Y/N’s giggles match his. “Touché.”

Harry rummages through his drawers as she finishes getting dressed, shimmying into her tight jeans and throwing her shirt on, finger-combing her hair into a decent state. He comes up with a pair of maroon briefs, slipping them on as he walks back towards her, letting the elastic band snap into place against his lower abdomen. 

The two demons with benefits stand before each other, Y/N with her braided black sandals swung over her shoulders and Harry with his hands fixed on his hips nonchalantly. 

“You really can’t stay for breakfast?” Harry inquiries one last time, lifting his eyebrows curiously. “I’m making those cinnamon bun waffles you like so much.” 

Y/N sighs grandly, clutching her chest dramatically as if it physically hurts her to decline his offer. “I’d love to, but work is work. Don’t really have a say.” 

Her friend nods in understanding, well aware of the truth behind her words. “It is what it is, then.” 

“However...” Her sudden continuation makes his head perk. She reaches up, carding her fingers into his messy curls and combing them back from his face, tucking a handful of rebellious ringlets behind his small ears and giving him one final self-assured smile. “Do y’think you could maybe save me two and I can come pick them up tonight?”

Harry cranes his head to the side, placing a slow peck to the palm of her hand and then biting into her skin jokingly, a certain lewdness painted all over the deed. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Great.” Y/N quips happily, wrapping his curls around her knuckles roughly and hauling him in for a sloppy, dirty kiss that leaves his teeth numb and his face buzzing. 

Once she breaks their mouths, lightly panting with her skin a darker shade than before, he has to blink three times in order to reign himself back in. His ability to form coherent sentences right now is about as useful as alphabet soup; he just gives her a jerky nod instead. 

Y/N wipes at his swollen lips with the pad of her thumb, giving his cheek a playful pat. “I’ll see you then, H.” 

Harry can’t tear his eyes away as she leaves, his bedroom door clicking shut behind her, the soft, distant thunk of his front door accompanying the sound a bit later. 

Fuck, that was something is the first comprehensible thought that registers in his mind. 

It was absolutely something and who knows how differently it would have gone if he had admitted giving into the weakness they had both sworn off of. 

That notion haunts him for a while— the idea that he could have driven her away for good if he had confessed that his emotions had bleed through their arrangement. Sure, it had only been this once, but Harry has a horrible gut-wrenching feeling that he’s unlocked a box deep in the back of his skull that won’t easily be chained down again. 

He thinks this over again and again as he prepares his morning meal, the looming uncertainties of it all causing him to check out of reality here and there, resulting in a few burn marks across his hands and two charred waffles in the bin. 

As Harry finally sits down to enjoy the food that had nearly not made it to his plate, he finds himself mentally running through the awkward encounter he and Y/N had faced this morning. He can’t stop himself from dwelling on the expression he had seen crack through her eyes earlier— one that showed she seemed to be feeling the same kind of emotional turmoil he was. It opens too many unanswered questions for their future and he hates himself for being so worried when nothing had truly happened. For all he knows, it could have just been a trick of the sunlight that had been streaming into the room. He’s getting himself out of sorts for nothing. 

However, as he goes in on a forkful of his cinnamon-glazed pastry, one pesky detail suddenly launches him into a coughing fit. 

It was so minuscule he had missed it the first fifty times he had run through the events, but it had decided to prick him in the brain now, the weak dam of reassurance he had built crumbling to ashes.  

After Y/N had woken up, saw what was happening, and their fight had ensued, she had made a comment about how Harry had kissed her forehead. 

On the surface, it had seemed unimportant because yes, that is exactly what he had done. The problem arose when he remembered that she had been dead asleep when he had done that. 

Supposedly.

He had gone to remove his arm from below her body, she had fussed a bit, he had pressed his lips to her forehead to ease her, and she had remained asleep for a while longer until he decided to finish removing his arm. That final motion was what had awoken her.

Supposedly. 

If she had been unconscious the whole time they were cuddling, then how did she know he’d kissed her?

[niksixx]

Plus One

Hello hello hello!!! Here it is. Part 1 of my new Nikki Sixx mini fic. I love this piece, and I just hope you all will enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it. This fic has more of a modern feel (so basically, present day setting with an 80s Nikki Sixx 😃).

Requested: Graciously by my incredible followers and mutuals :) 

Pairing: Nikki Sixx x OC Pia Worthington

Description: Fake dating your best friend when you’re secretly in love with him? Pia Worthington knows exactly how that feels. 

A/N: Leave comments and reblog💜 Thank you always💜

*Picture is NOT mine. Found on Google. Credit to the owner.*

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*Pia’s POV*

As I clutched the red embroidered invitation in my left hand, the black decorated RSVP in my right hand, and stared down at the gold embellished invite on my kitchen counter, I realized that my worst nightmare had come true.

High school reunion.

Work party.

Wedding.

And a plus one line on all three cards.

At twenty-seven, I’d like to think that I am a successful woman with her priorities straightened out. I opened my own small business at seventeen, landed a job as a makeup artist in a beauty salon at twenty two, and became a homeowner at twenty five. On Thursdays, I run a book club, and volunteer at my local SPCA on Monday and Wednesday mornings. From an outsider’s perspective, one could say I have it all.

But like everyone else, I’m still not satisfied with my life. There’s something missing, something I won’t be complete without.

Love.

How cliche, right?

I know what you’re thinking. Pia, you’re a young, successful, independent woman. You don’t need a man. You shouldn’t want a man.

But of course, the only man I’ve ever wanted never wanted me back. Funny how that works.

Again, I’m only twenty-seven. Time is still on my side. But I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t think about giving up sometimes. I see my friends falling in love, getting married, having babies, and I want that for myself.

Well...most of that. I can do without the kids part. What I want, what I truly want, is a wholehearted love. And one man always comes to mind no matter how hard I try to push him away.

Aside from being my neighbor, Nikki has been my very best friend and the love of my life for so many years. Our friendship blossomed ten years ago when his friend group mingled with mine back in our third year of high school. We were a crazy bunch with various personalities, but it just worked. We all clicked.

Out of the eight of us, Nikki and I were thick as thieves even though our personalities couldn’t be anymore polar. While I was best friends with Amanda, Charlotte, and Vivian since the fifth grade, my relationship with Nikki was just so different. There were things I could talk to him about, and instead of Charlotte’s judgment, I was greeted with Nikki’s comfort. We were an adventurous duo, never doing the same activity twice, which was a huge difference from letting Vivian decide what our group would be doing each weekend.

Aside from being my best friend, Nikki was the biggest supporter in my life. He was the only one that stood by my side, defending my integrity, when my friends were skeptical about my lipstick business. Of course, when I became more established, the girls had dropped dollars on every shade and made sure all the girls in our class knew about my business. But Nikki? He let me test the lipstick. On him.

Senior year was the year when some of our group decided to take things to the next level. Vince and Amanda experimented as a couple, and it unsurprisingly only lasted a good four months before Vince had moved on. At eighteen, he’d already had a reputation for sleeping around, and Amanda, the poor soul, was just clueless to his cheating.  

I think the biggest shock was when Nikki and Charlotte had started dating halfway through senior year. From the sidelines, I watched as they became the it couple. I was happy for them, (while simultaneously trying to bury my jealousy), but I had a hard time wrapping my head around the idea of them together. I never would have thought that Nikki’s carefree spirit would mesh well with Charlotte’s stuck up attitude, but for the year they were together, I was proven wrong. Luckily, my relationship with Nikki wasn’t affected. We were still each other’s best friend.

And then college happened.

Well, for some of us.

Vivian and Charlotte attended the most prestigious universities money could buy, and Amanda and I had been accepted into cosmetology school. Luckily, my small business was booming, and I was able to pay for my classes without any help from my family. While the girls and I were off getting our degrees and licenses, the boys were forming a band. An interesting one at that.

By junior year of college, Nikki and Vivian had become official shortly after Viv’s 21st birthday. Again, I watched from the sidelines as the man that I loved gave his love to another woman for three years. This time, I could feel a shift in my friendship with Nikki. We talked a bit less than what was normal for us. Over the years, I barely saw him. His band, officially named Mötley Crüe, had taken up the time he wasn’t spending with Vivian. I had become a mere afterthought, and my heart broke each time I wasn’t able to see him or talk to him. And, to make things even more strange, Tommy and Charlotte had drunkenly eloped in Vegas after one of the boys’ concerts and decided to stay married. At 24, it seemed like everyone was finding their soulmate. Nikki had Viv, Tommy had Charlotte, Mick and Amanda were giving it a try, and Vince and I both weren’t so lucky in the love department.

Fast forward a year later and life for all of us had changed drastically. Nikki and Viv had broken up and it was messy, to say the least. Nikki wasn’t too affected by the breakup, but Viv’s rage had turned her into a woman none of us knew. I had finally worked up the courage to tell Nikki how I felt (and believe me, I wanted to tell him) but, alas, shortly after Mick and Amanda had called it quits, Amanda and Nikki had fallen head over heels for each other. Vince and I were still painfully single (although Vinnie didn’t seem to mind the freedom) and were given the title of ‘godparents’ to Tommy and Charlotte’s son. The boys’ band had become one of the biggest bands in America. And to distract myself from the pain of watching Nikki fall in love yet again with someone who wasn’t me, I bought a house to wallow in.

Which, finally, brings me back to today.

I’m Pia Worthington.

27.

Homeowner.

Business owner.

Makeup artist.

And devastatingly single.

So, what happened to everyone else?

Well, Tommy and Charlotte remain happily married with two little boys. Who knew one drunken night in Vegas could lead to a happily ever after?

Mick and Vivian had married last year and were expecting twin girls. Yes, this shocked everyone, but they were a match made in Heaven. Who knew? Somehow, Mick had broken down the walls around Viv’s heart, and she loved him fiercely.

Vince and Amanda had decided to try again. I was proud of Vince. He’d done a complete 180, always treating Amanda with the respect she deserved.

And Nikki and I? We’re still best friends and closer than ever. We’re happy, all eight of us, after years of drama, devastation, and heartbreak.

With a sigh, I grabbed all three invitations in my hand and plopped down on my sofa. Okay, so I lied, I’m not completely happy. The plus one line on each invitation was just a painful reminder of how lonely I was.

And then my mind wandered to Nikki. Asking him to be my plus one would be practical, but I’m not sure my heart could handle knowing it wasn’t real.

But as I glanced down at the invitations once more, I realized that I couldn’t keep living like this. For years, I’d been pining over a man who dated all of my friends and neglected to give me a chance. I shouldn’t still want him as much as I do. He’s made it clear that I’m not and will never be more than a friend. And it’s about time I move on from the fairytale ending in my head.

So with a firm grip on the cards and a stern look on my face, I flung open my door and marched right over to Nikki’s house.

And he answered on the third knock, looking even more handsome than the last time I’d seen him.

Yeah...getting over the fairytale in my head? Not happening.

[kittymsmithwritesstuff]

Theory Following the Bangalore/Wraith lore video.

Video Link: https://twitter.com/PlayApex/status/1378037453894848515?s=20

Note: 

* means additional info at bottom

Also, sorry if I repeat myself a couple times. Anywhoodle.

I am fucking LIVING for the Bangalore and Wraith interaction. This presents so many questions, and I find it fucking hilarious that Crypto is like, “yeah can y’all get a handle on yourselves?”

Also really nice to hear Wraith talk for an extended period of time, you really get an impression on just how “mellow” she is. The lorebook was fantastic on giving her a voice but hearing how she might actually say the words is interesting. 

ANYWAY HERE’S A THEORY

-Bangalore possibly knows something about Wraith that she’s not saying. Wraith, until this moment, seemed to be completely unaware of this. The question here is: what does she know, and why isn’t she telling her?

What she might know: So this requires having read the lorebook, so spoilers ahead as I drop some background.

Background

Bangalore is shown in the book to have some conflictions on her perspective of the IMC; more specifically, she has separated the individuals within it from the overall company for a number of reasons that are better explained in book. But what you need to know is that her eldest brother, Zeke, was killed in the Typhon explosion, alongside millions of other people. Typhon was a planet full of unarmed research and development scientists and civilians. This combined with her brother’s death made Bangalore hate the Militia more than she ever had. The final battle at Gridiron happened soon after, but Bangalore missed it because she was taken to her ship she had just been assigned to, the HMS Hestia, by her brother Jackson. He showed her a strange piece of tech and then everyone on the ship used it to escape, though Bangalore wanted to fight. The tech let them make a 20 year trip to the Outlands in 1 year (in cryo-sleep). It was then useless.

Jackson later told her the truth that is the origin of her conflictions and eventual separation of IMC individuals from the company overall. Her brother got insider info from a doctor who survived the explosion and had worked on the project with the strange technology. He revealed that the ARES division was torturing and doing horrific experiments on human beings, with one of their main projects concerning the strange tech (side note: I believe it is actually called an Ark but I’m too lazy to look it up), which they intended to turn into a massive weapon that could wipe out all IMC competition. In Bangalore’s words, “the Militia killed millions…to save billions.”

This is for everyone to read: Bangalore’s hatred for the Militia tempered some and shifted to the ARES division and General Marder, who was behind the giant weapon. She tends to avoid thinking about it too much. She maintains that the IMC was not completely evil, and it is the opinion of the author of this post that she is correct and there was bad on both sides, but this is another post. Other context clues indicate that Bangalore may, overall, avoid conflict when she cannot be sure of the correct choice.

So What She Might Actually Know

At the very least, she knows Wraith was previously part of ARES division. She might even know what part she was involved with before Project: Wraith, which could very well be part of the weapon of mass destruction. For Bangalore, this would be enough to hold a grudge. If she somehow got additional information – say from any possible database on the Hestia, or any other former IMC hotspots in the Outlands that she might have located-then she might have additional reason to hate or dislike Wraith. She specifically mentions that she especially doesn’t want Wraith saying Jackson’s name, which could indicate that she figured out Wraith had some special role in whatever hit the Hestia and caused Jackson’s (presumable) demise, since he’s been gone over a decade by Bangalore’s account, though that’s a far reach.

Baseline: She knows about Wraith’s connection to ARES, and possibly knows more about what Wraith did while working under ARES, something that may or may not connect to Jackson. Additionally, her resentment on Wraith specifically speaking Jackson’s name could simply root in the death of her other brother, Zeke.

Why she might not be teling her: It is possible Bangalore knows what kind of person Wraith was.* More specifically, she might know what she’s done. Why might she not tell her? There’s a few reasons, probably, but the main reason I can think of, almost in summary, is this: She doesn’t want to be the one to tell Wraith the horrible things she might have done, or did do.**

Wraith is shown in the Season 6 comic and in her Employee Intake form in the lorebook to have had trouble with empathy and aggression, her intake form containing a hard-to-read warning that advises keeping an eye on her because of possible conflict. Wraith knows some about this, but Bangalore may have the whole kit and kaboodle, or at least more than Wraith.  She is noted to dislike Wraith, specifically mentioning that she doesn’t like that she volunteered for the experiment that ruined her, but from the video we know they are at least civil, if not “acquaintances” due to the info Wraith has about Bangalore’s brother, though she could have gotten this from outside sources. It’s also possible this civility is a result of Bangalore doing her best to not take out her resentment on someone who has no way of knowing what they did wrong. This could be considered part of the long term effectsof her gradual character change and improvement that first changed significantly when she began her friendship with Loba.

Summary/TLDR: Bangalore probably dislikes Wraith both because she disagrees with her choice to volunteer for the Project: Wraith experiment, and definitively because of her previous ARES association. She might also dislike her for whatever actions she took during her time with ARES, which she may know about due to her IMC connections/previous access to IMC databases. She is trying to avoid acting on this knowledge because she doesn’t want to blame Wraith for something she doesn’t even remember and has no way of knowing she did. She is withholding information from Wraith because she does not want to be the one to inform her of the possibly horrific things she did under ARES, both out of sympathy and possibly because she simply doesn’t want to or doesn’t know how to deal with it.

*in this case we assume fully that our Wraith is similar enough to the Wraith she traded places with that their actions are mirrored in each other’s respective dimensions. This might also contribute to why Wraith can’t just pop into another dimension and figure out what happened-only her and the other Wraith we saw in the Outlands video are similar enough, and she can’t see into the past in either dimension.

**I did entertain the possibility that she was retaining info for her own use, manipulation, or to be a flat fucking bitch, but in all honestly Bangalore’s character just doesn’t fit that. She’s not a horrible person; she’s a strict, sad, frustrated one, but if she found something about Wraith that would be to Wraith’s benefit, I highly, highly doubt she would withhold it, as that crosses the line from bitch to cruel.

[eve-evil-lair]

Someone in the Garden - M Naga x F Human, NSFW, 2nd person perspective.

This was a request from my friend and my first go at original smut writing. It is also available on my ao3.

Inheriting a mansion in New Orleans was NOT what you expected to happen to you by the end of a very shitty year. Still, that happened. It was bizarre and you still expected it to be a scam. Either way, you had nothing to lose so there you were. The lawyer had opened the gate and after like two minutes drive you were in front of not exactly a mansion but a large house. It didn’t even look that old.

“The original mansion burned down about 10 years ago,” the lawyer explained. “The addition at that time was also an indoor, large swimming pool/lake.”

You nodded as you got out of the house. The land belonged to some of your distant family, so distant that you didn’t even know they existed until you got the letter. Clearly, No one else wanted it.

“The land has a natural spring that goes through the lake area to later join a river. You can get water that way. Generators provide electricity in case the lines get cut.” the lawyer kept talking as you walked inside the building and started to show you around the place. It didn’t look too bad. Dusty and might need airing and a fresh coat of paint here and there. Some of the previous potential owners left buckets of paint behind.

“So… why no one has claimed this place? Is it haunted?” You joked but secretly hoping it wasn’t.

“No one gave much of a reason aside from ‘changed mind’. Longest someone stayed here was a week,” the guy checked his papers. “I won’t lie, Miss, we have a bet going back at the firm on how long are you going to last here.”

“Oh, I hope you bet for me to stay here permanently, huh?” you grinned.

“I gave you two days,” he replied bluntly and your smile fell.

“Gee thanks.” you huffed. Now you were going to show this asshole that you can take care of yourself.

You toured the house and quite liked it. It was a two-story building with a kitchen, living room, two bathrooms and 3 bedrooms with built-in closets. Your only concern was - how were you going to earn money to keep all that. You could sell it, but not until you proved the stupid lawyer you could live there no problem.

“I will now show you the rest of the estate,” said the bastard lawyer and led you outside and right to the giant swimming pool/lake.

It was made of glass like a greenhouse. Inside were multiple tropical plants and it looked much better than the house. As if someone has been taking care of it. You asked about that.

“Well there is no one listed as a gardener,” the lawyer checked the papers again, “but the previous owner made a point of never getting rid of this building. It’s the only condition for you if you want to keep the estate.” he lifted an eyebrow at you.

“I’m not going to get rid of it but I am just wondering if someone is taking care of it.” You didn’t have any experience in gardening but if this place was empty for at least a year or so…, shouldn’t it be a bit overgrown?

“Hmmm, there were…” one more page flip and…., “ah yes, there is some sort of wild nature enthusiast who takes care of the greenhouse.” Success. “Unfortunately there’s no name.”

Well, that was a bummer. “Thanks, I’m sure I will run into this person once I settle in.”

With that, the tour continued. You got a good look at the premises and signed the papers that you were supposed to sign and got your bags into the house. The night you were going to spend in a sleeping bag until you’d air and wash all the sheets and refresh the mattresses. Hands full of work.

It’s been three days and one night of cleaning everything up until you saw the light in the greenhouse. And the shadow. It was one huge-ass shadow but then you thought it was just a trick of the light. It must have been that friendly, neighbourhood gardener. It was a strange hour to work - the clock showing close to midnight. You grabbed a flashlight and went to talk to the person. You planned to bake them a pie but you weren’t sure when they’d show up so you had that idea on stand by.

“Hello?” you walked into the greenhouse shining your path forward. It was still dim. You took another step forward and tripped. You yelped and fell on your shoulder and winced. Damn it, the flashlight rolled away and you had to find it before shining it at whatever you tripped over. A tree branch? No… It was huge. Thick. And definitely scaly. Like a snake. You recognized the markings. You always wanted a python and was interested in reptiles. This… this was an anaconda. A damn huge, horror movie sized anaconda. Getting to your knees you looked abruptly around for the head of the reptile. Why the fuck was there an anaconda in your greenhouse?! Why no one told you! Shit, shit, maybe the poor thing ran away from poachers or illegal breeder or fuck knows what circus. But it was way too large for you to deal with alone- oh fuck the tail moved. You decided to bolt. Ready to sprint to the door you swallowed hard and-

“Wait,” the voice stopped you. It was a very pleasant, deep, vibrant, male voice. The kind of ‘panty drop’ one on TV shows. Heck. You turned around and shone the light around. It finally landed on a stomach. A stomach that was way too high and was creamy yellow. Not a very human tone… The light travelled up to land on a board chest and then on a face that got quickly covered by a hand. “Please put that away.”

You clicked the flashlight off, mouth hanging agape, still in a big shock. “What the fuck,” you said softly. Then promptly fainted.

Waking up with a small headache you groaned holding your head. “Shit.” You groaned. Confused you looked around. It was still the greenhouse. What were you laying on? You looked down and swallowed. The massive coils of the anaconda. You looked up to see a concerned (or at least you hoped it was a concern) face of… snake dude. You knew there was a name for him but currently, you couldn’t care less for proper terms.

“Oh you’re awake!” he said relieved and grinned.

You felt cold sweat running down your back at the sight of his teeth.

“Yup,” you squeaked out. “I- Can I go down?”

He blinked. “Oh, of course, there ya go.” the coils unravelled under you creating a slide which got you to the floor. Immediately he headed to the huge lake in the middle. OK, so he was not going to eat you. That was nice. Suddenly you realised why no one lived in the house longer than a couple of days. He must have freaked everyone out.

“Um, ex-excuse me,” you called to him. “Who are you?”

“I’m Adam,” he said and sighed slipping into the water.

Adam. A humanoid mega python in your pool was named Adam. This day could not be even more bizarre than it already was. Okay. You licked your lips.

“Okay, Adam. Can you tell me what are you doing here?” you asked trying to sound polite.

“I live here,” he replied. You watched mesmerised as his tail swished over the water.

“Ye, I got that but… how did you come to live here?” you gestured to the greenhouse.

“Oh, that’s a funny story, really.” He brightened up seeing you were going to stay and listen to him. “I was much younger and you know… much smaller,” he looked over his body patting his soft belly a little. “I accidentally got stuck on a ship, it went up to the port, tried to escape from there, got caught in some nets and then Mr Brown found me.”

“Mr Brown. The previous owner?” you asked to clarify but who else could he mean.

“Yeah, his house burned down because of a storm. He was a really nice person, allowed me to stay, even tried to get me back home but…. I kind of like it here,” he smiled again, all sunshine and rainbows and you couldn’t help but to ‘aww’ a little. “I stayed and brought some good luck to him.”

“What?” you blinked a little.

“You don’t know? Naga are protectors of underground waters and possess great riches, I don’t have riches myself but I tend to bring a lot of luck to those I like,” he explained further. “You strike me as a nice person. What’s your name by the way?”

That moment you remembered you didn’t introduce yourself so you quickly fixed that. You stayed up with Adam the rest of the night, talking and answering some questions. You started to enjoy his company and noticed that he was very handsome once you look past the whole shock of having a possibly a 30 feet long anaconda dude in your greenhouse. Possibly even longer. You didn’t pay much attention. What you paid attention to were his deep voice and beautiful, warm, light brown eyes. Also muscular arms and torso. With a little bit of a belly. But you couldn’t stay with him forever and had to go back to the house and get some sleep. You bid your goodnights and went back inside.

The next day you worked a little on the house and in the evening went to meet with Adam. You two bonded a little over time, you caught him up with the times and he showed you how to take care of the plants inside the greenhouse. Like he said suddenly your luck started to improve. You got a really good job, following his advice you played a lottery and even won quite a bit. Enough to finish the work on the house. It was great.

There was one but. You realized somewhere along the way that you might be crushing on your Naga friend. Like really bad. Once or twice maybe even ended up having a (*coughamazingcough*), wet dreams. His hands were so huge on your shoulder and whenever it landed on your back you wished it was on your ass. You kind of also wondered if…. He resembled snakes in more ways than one. Though you hoped for no spikes. Or hooks. Anything that might be painful in the wrong way. That would be bad.

So, for now, you have been kind of keeping all of that to yourself. But damn was it becoming hard to keep your eyes, not on his waist level. In your defence, he had no clothes! And it was most of the time on your eye level! Where else were you supposed to look when horny!? His eyes?! …. Yeah possibly, yeah. Damn it.

“Are you okay?”

You almost jumped out of your skin when he got you out of your deep thoughts. You completely forgot where you were. Namely in the damn greenhouse. Oh, god. You couldn’t wait to just get out of there, drive to town and find a quick one nightstand. You were ready to go, having done all the prep for * all * possibilities. But nope, you got distracted by staring at your roommate’s? Housemates’s? Crotch. Nice.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a bit spaced out.” You tried to justify yourself.

“So… you’re horny, huh?”

Holy fucking hell, you must have blurted that out. Why cannot the ground swallow a chick whole just this once???

“Uuuuuuuh, hehehehe, sorry.” You licked your lips.

Suddenly Adam moved around you, circling you with the upper parts of his tail, or at least the part not in water.

“That’s fine by me,” his voice… oh, boy his voice. It was already rich molasses but now it was just unfair how hot it was. He touched you under the chin and smiled. You swallowed hard. “Do you wish for my help there?”

“Mmhm, yup, yes please,” you blurted out making him chuckle.

“Alright then. Off must go these clothes,” he said and before you could say anything riiiiiip went your shirt. Damn. He sure made his point. Quickly before he could destroy your good bra and skirt/panties you took them off. He watched you. His tongue darting forward, it was cute. You wondered what that tongue could do.

Whatever you have imagined got interrupted by a hungry, rough kiss and a hand between your legs. God, that felt good. You were already dripping of which he made a notice by lifting his fingers back up to his mouth and wrapping his long tongue around his digits and having a taste of you and looking too smug in your opinion. Your face was positively on fire but who would complain in this situation?

“Just hurry up,” you tried not to sound too whiny and he chuckled.

“Impatient, you are,” Adam hummed and wrapped his mouth around your nipple. His hand travelling back between your legs.

Your hands went to his head stroking him and grazing his skull with your fingers. He seemed to know more than less what he was doing over there. His lips were keeping a nice, a bit rough pressure, and his finger was stroking you so well~. If he just moved his calloused, thick forefinger just a bit to the- You jerked and bit your lower lip to stop a loud moan from pretty much erupting from your throat. Looking down you saw him with a grin and he did it again.

Your nails dug into the back of his skull as he stroked your clit in just the right spot.

“Fffffuck!” you whined and gripped your other hand on his coils looking for support. “Oh, fuck! F-faster! God!” you hissed and he gladly obliged.

The first orgasm crashed through you with a tsunami of relief from weeks of frustration. Turning into a noodle in his arms your you sighed and breathed heavily, trying to regain some sort of sense of composure. But God did it feel so good to just lay there for a moment.

“Where-, how-” you panted out, cracking your eyes open not even remembering when you have closed them.

“I read a lot, you have no idea what you humans throw out to the swamp,” he chuckled. “Was it… Good?” he asked just in case.

“It was fucking awesome.” you gave him a thumbs up calming your breathing down. “Got any more tricks you read about?” You licked your lips in anticipation.

“I do,” he picked you up and removed the top coil, allowing himself more manoeuvrability before setting you back down. “Keep your legs open,” he instructed before his head went between your knees and you had to stop yourself from crushing his head.

Wow, that tongue felt * amazing*. Adam swirled it in gently circles, that little fork at the end of it just rubbing your clit and when he slipped inside… Oh, wow . You gasped and reached behind your head to grab onto his tail. Pulling yourself up and arching back. But he didn’t let you get away oh no. He took his time, finding all the angles to make you moan and cry out. The thrusts going from soft to quick. One finger pressed to your clit to compensate for lack of nose as he pressed on. He reached to your breast with the other hand and stroked you. You whined and twisted your body. Good lord. You should have done this ages ago!

The pinch to your nipple and a hard suck on your clit had tipped you over, crying out in your release. When you stopped shaking he removed your legs from his head and licked your thighs. You whined and twitched.

“Noo,” you sighed over stimulated.

He then stroked your face leaning back and that was when you saw them. Two. Magnificent. Dicks. Long, thick, swaying with his movement. Each head looked almost like a flower with a collar of soft-looking nubs. Barbs? You were unsure about the terminology. Anyway, they glistened. Must have been covered in his own lubricant. They were dripping. Your mouth watered and eyes grew big. Oooooh~

Adam noticed your stare and coughed. “Well, um-” he sounded a bit sheepish.

“Can you use them both? At the same time?” You asked managing to sit up.

“Y-yes? Why?” he immediately helped you out, supporting you as you crawled and touched one of the cocks. He shivered a little as you ran a hand over them. Sticky, the liquid covered your fingers and started to dry, much like lube or your juice would. It didn’t smell half bad either. You licked it and heard him swallow loud.

It was your turn to grin like the cat who got the canary. Wobbly standing up, you pressed onto his chest.

“I want to try something,” you said. Something that you had only ever tried with toys. Once with one of your exes. You were quite sure you could take him. Blessed be your earlier precautions

“Okay,” Adam said slowly, watching you as you sank on the first dick. Inhaling loudly and sharply in you adjusted.

“Oh, yes,” you breathed out and reached back to the other dick. You rubbed your hand over the head, getting used to the barbs as you bounced in his lap. He shuddered and moaned stroking your back. You did not want to end this too fast for either of you so you slipped off of him. “Adam, would you mind to stretch me a bit, here?” you stretched your ass cheeks apart to better make your point. “I want both of them at the same time~,” you told him. “I also want you to use your tail on me, while you do that.”

“No problem,” he nodded looking quite excited at the idea.

Wetting his fingers first he slid first one finger over your ass cheeks and between them. Rubbing the circle of muscles he slipped inside. You moaned and breathed deeply, relaxing. His tail went up to your front, pushing inside you, impaling you repeatedly. Feeling your ass loosening up he added another finger and stretched your ass further and further until you both were sure you could take him in. His other hand gently fondled your chest and you reached down to toy with your clit. Soon, your third orgasm was coming in. You went rigid and spilt yourself, gasping for air once more.

“O-okay,” you said trying to steady yourself up. “Let’s… let’s try his thing.”

Now, here comes the moment of truth! His tail slipped out of you and got replaced with one of his dicks. You angled a little and Adam pushed the second cock into your spread out asshole. Your eyes watered a little. That was full! You gasped and gritted your teeth, the moan already escaping you. Throwing your head back you search for him.

Adam held you against his chest. “You okay?” It must have been a lot for him too. He was holding your legs wide open. It probably would never not be a turn on - the ease in which he could just keep you in his hands.  

“Never better, just getting used to you,” you reached up and patted his cheek. Your vision was in that kinda lusty state where it wasn’t exactly fuzzy but your eyes couldn’t focus on anything.

The barbs were pressing on inside you, the shape of his dicks was an unusual one but thickness and texture were making up for it so well~. You squeezed your walls around him and he hissed. His hips pushed forward and you groaned pleased. Yess, that was so good.

You pressed your back to his chest, one hand on your boob. “Fuck me,” you told him, voice hoarse.

His throat moved as he swallowed. He nodded and started to move you on him. Your body shivered, your mouth fell open. Those dicks barely fit whole inside you, your stomach having a small bulge every time he thrust inside. The barbs rubbed your insides, pressing onto that sweet spot. The added feeling and tightness from his other dick was making you dizzy. You panted and moaned, trying to move as much as you could. The feeling swelled and grew until you couldn’t hold back any longer, screaming out. Your hips jerked rather erratically and you dug your nails into his scales, finding gaps and holding tightly. His own body convulsed under you and he hissed your name, dicks spilling into you as you heaved against his chest. A final thrust which elicited a whimper of his name from you, and he was done, movements slowing as you both struggled to catch your breath.

After a moment he laid down on the ground, the two cocks slipping out of you and with it came the cum, slowly dripping down your leg. But who cared at that moment? You whimpered and nuzzled his chest.

“My legs feel funny,” you giggled stupidly and hummed pleased. He also made an amused noise and nuzzled your head.

You looked at him. He was getting ready to sleep now. Ah, some things never change among the species, huh? You stretched yourself and kissed him. That made him wake up a little and look at you softly. Pulling you up in his arms he kissed you again and coiled around you.

“Sleep?” he mumbled.

“I need to clean up,” you replied patting his face.

“But come back and sleep, yes?” That made you feel so warm and fuzzy. Maybe this was going to be a bit more than just a one-time thing?

“Sure,” you wiggled out of his arms and waddled to the lake, washing away the remains of your mixed fluids. Then as promised you came back. “Goodnight, Adam.” You said softly.

“G’d night.” he said and soon you both were fast asleep.

[feuilly-cakes]

Breaking Dawn - 3* review

Oh boy was this a long one. Okay, I really don't know how to feel about this book, because on one hand I had lots of fun revisiting my old favourite and picking it apart but on the other hand I had a very big issue with a major part of the plot. If I were rating based on each book within this book, I would give book one 4*and book two and three 3*. It starts out strong, then gets progressively harder to keep track of, but then maybe my short attention span is the problem here. I learned many interesting facts and character traits in this book, and I also figured out something important to do with imprinting that's been vaguely introduced in the previous book but is explored in-depth here. Stick around if you want to see what that discovery is. As usual, I'll be putting interesting and relevant facts and things I found particularly offensive under sub-headings, but I'll be saying a lot about each book as if it's separate before then, because Breaking Dawn as a whole is too long to talk about with any coherency. So without further ado: There are only spoilers ahead. Book 1: Bella First let me just say that these books have such amazing prologues/prefaces that immediately grab your attention. If you didn't know she was going to get pregnant, it would probably seem like she's talking about Edward being the one killing her. Anyway, this book was shorter than I expected, but far more enjoyable. This one seems to be more family oriented in the language used than previous in the series; while before any of the Cullens would be described as 'Edward's adopted -' , in this they are simply his mother, his brothers, his sisters. Even Jasper, who always seemed to me to be the outsider of the bunch, uses the term "We Cullens" and it just feels more like a family than a vampire coven pretending to be a family. This is helped along by Bella suddenly knowing so much more about the history of the Cullens and their extended family the Denalis. She's ready to fit right on in there. This book deals with the wedding and the honeymoon. Bella reflects on how she told her parents, freaks out about getting married, has her wedding, abruptly changes her stance on said wedding, then they shoot off to the honeymoon and things occur. Basically, she gets pregnant. It's a huge commotion. Backtracking, both Charlie and Renee were weirdly supportive about the engagement and handled it super well, with Renee and Bella having such a lovely conversation I nearly teared up. She's a great mother even when she's not physically there for Bella. Bella, on the other hand, is doing that thing again where she's selfish and a bit mean without realising she's being that way. Poor Edward is stressed to his eyeballs about the honeymoon and the very real possibility of hurting and even killing Bella, and she just brushes him right off. More on that later, but that's not the responsible way to do things, Bella. Fast forward to the honeymoon, and Edward is now the one being dramatic, refusing to sleep with her again because he bruised her and not listening to her when she says she's perfectly fine. The way it happens is very funny. Then we get to see random things happening that oh so subtly turn out to be pregnancy symptoms, like strange dreams about vampire babies who look human, oversleeping, mood swings, strange eating habits, and last but not least, morning sickness. It wasn't subtle. When they figure it out Edward loses it and says he's going to arrange for her to have an abortion. Bella asks Rosalie for help, and screen fades to black. The big theme here is that Bella changes her mind. She doesn't want to be married until she suddenly does at her wedding, she doesn't want to stay human until she decides she can afford a few extra years, and she doesn't want kids until she's already pregnant. Even with Rosalie, their slowly evolving relationship wasn't going to be proper friendship until Bella asks her for help. She's changing so quickly it's like getting whiplash, but it's not unrealistic. That's how I make most of my big decisions too, like it simmers away unnoticed until it's ready to be addressed. Relatable, really. Book 2: Jacob Book 2 takes us through Bella's pregnancy from Jacob's perspective, as he goes from planning to kill the Cullens to becoming their biggest protector and an Alpha of his own pack. As much as I love multiple POVs in books this is one I couldn't get behind, and here's why. One of the main themes in this book is imprinting. I don't like it. While I adore soulmates as a concept, and even more so platonic soulmates, it's made clear that this isn't what that is, and it's icky. We get 4 pages of Quil interacting with his imprint Claire, who is 3. The whole time Jacob has a running commentary on how Quil is more devoted than a parent would ever be, how he wants to make her so very happy, how it's so very different from that of a parent, and how Quil has to wait like a "monk" for "a good fourteen years" until Claire was his age. This was never platonic, it was a waiting game. It's also grooming. This was also around the time it became apparent just why Quil imprinted on Claire in the first place: it was all a set up for Jacob's eventual imprint. It had to be a part of the story before it happened so people wouldn't question it, and for the most part it worked. Both Quil's story and Jacob's interactions with a pregnant Bella prove this: "the hold she had on me only got harder to break. Almost like it was related to her expanding belly" and "It feels... complete when you're here, Jacob. Like all my family is together." I hated reading that. He should've imprinted on that nice girl Lizzie, from the park. Surely Stephenie Meyer could've come up with something else to keep Nessie alive? Onto similarly disturbing things but less revolting in the long run, Bella's story here seems to be an attempt at pro-life propaganda that backfired. The reason? Bella makes a choice about her body, and though most of them don't like it, they don't force her to do otherwise. People seem to forget that being pro-choice also means the choice to stay pregnant even when it's best not to. Bella makes that decision and she's absolutely sure of it, at the expense of her life and health, but it's hers to make. She is pitted against Edward, who would absolutely force her to have an abortion if he had backup, and who is also losing his damn mind. He insists to Jacob that Carlisle would help him if not for Esme, and that Rosalie doesn't care about Bella's life, only the baby's. Carlisle himself tells Jacob he would never take the choice away from Bella, and context shows that Rosalie is protecting Bella's choices and bodily autonomy, and carrying out her last wishes to ensure the baby is brought into the world healthy. Remember that Rosalie had all her choices taken from her, and all she wanted for Bella was for her to make the right ones. Edward doesn't change his stance until he discovers the baby has thoughts that can be read, and loves Bella. Once again, this seems to have been an attempt at showing that babies have thoughts and feelings in the womb, but it does almost the opposite as Bella is a day away from full term and not once has anything been picked up by either him or Jasper before that point. It's safe to assume there was nothing to pick up on. The pregnancy ends with a truly horrifying birth scene that made my hands go numb and my ears ring from the violence of it all. Bella dies, Jacob imprints on a minutes-old baby and begins his journey as a child groomer, and then Bella comes back and begins her transformation. Book 3: Bella. Or as I like to call it: It all goes downhill from here. Bella has the most unrealistic yet brutal experience ever, and is now a super sexy, super perfect, super powerful, super smart vampire. She has a perfect baby, perfect control of her bloodlust, and somehow the perfect life. But oh no! The Volturi are threatening that peace! Who could have predicted that the last remaining villains would appear in the last book? Now Bella and the rest of the Cullens have to find their friends to stop the Volturi in their track, but peacefully of course, because they are the good guys really! Just a misunderstanding! I'm so glad that was addressed in story, because I would not have been able to deal with a pro-police/pro-dictator story in this political climate. The most unrealistic part of this is when the Volturi don't simply assert their vampire dominance over them by killing them all without taking their own witnesses. I didn't like how Bella suddenly became perfect and good at everything in this book. It's so unrealistic. Less than a month to become the strongest shield ever and be able to scare the ancient Volturi? Perfect control on her first hunt? I think not thank you. There was also a missed opportunity to have Bella be a psychic of some kind since she dreamt of the future accurately many times. Renesmee was very sweet though, and that's all I'll say on that. Now onto my lists! Differences between book and film This was mostly pretty accurate in terms of plot. - Edward's backstory that we see pre-wedding isn't a thing in the book. It actually isn't a thing in any of the main books, but I can't speak for the others. - Bella knows about the immortal children before the book even starts, and she's the one to realise that Irina thought Renesmee was one herself. - The wedding is inside. The film had it outside I'm pretty sure. - The whole part where Jacob freaks out and borrows a very fancy sports car to go and try to find his imprint was never in the films, and I think that's a tragedy. Vampires - The appearance of the nicknames Em and Jazz for Emmett and Jasper. It's not at all important I just thought it was cute. - Half vampire babies use their teeth to escape the womb. Also, Renesmee was trying to be careful to not hurt Bella while she was still inside her. She started reading when she was under 3 months. If I saw a baby read aloud in full sentences I'd never sleep again. - Edward called Jacob "Jake" in book 3. It's weird how their relationship changes throughout the book. - Poor Renesmee knows it's because of her that the Volturi are coming, and says "This is my fault." She's just a few months old at this point, and she's already going through a whole lot. - The volturi look like someone threw baby powder on them because they sat still for so long they started "petrifying". - There are 32 Volturi members, considering they took the whole coven with them to Forks. - Fun Bella fact: she was going to let Charlie assume what was up with her because she thinks he will never decide on vampire. Red Flags Most of these have been discussed in depth so I'll just mention them briefly. - Edward, pre wedding, is described as having a "panic attack" by Bella at the thought of hurting her, and instead of reassuring him she brushes him off and thinks "He wasn't getting out of this deal. Not after insisting I marry him first." This is beyond selfish and even cruel, because he has a point and genuine concerns that should have been discussed properly. - "We're going to get that thing out before it can hurt any part of you." Edward has decided this for himself, without Bella's input. - Jacob contemplates suicide over the thought of having to see Leah. This is absolutely not something that should be talked about like it's nothing. - The imprinting of Quil and Claire. - Every bit of foreshadowing about Jacob imprinting on Renesmee, and the act itself. - Rosalie calls the place in South America where the half vampire myths originated "a disease-infested swamp with a medicine man smearing sloth spit across your face" in relation to giving birth there, and it's more than a little racist. How would she even know what it's like? - "the Egyptians all looked so alike, with their midnight hair and olive-toned pallor, that they could have easily passed for a biological family" The white, blonde Denali sisters were never ever described this way, so why are the non-white people described as such? - Bella had "never met any vampires less civilized" than the Amazons. They have long black braids, so we can assume they aren't white. Why are only the non-white vampires being described these ways? - Bella describes the rough area where she met 1 person, who was working for J Jenks and happened to be Black, but was well dressed in rich clothes, as the "ghetto address". Upon googling, I learnt that this refers to low income areas of a city that are occupied by minorities. She met one person. How could she possibly know if it was the "ghetto"? It was described as the "downtown office" by Max, the man in question, so why wouldn't she just use that term? - Jacob gives Renesmee the Quileute equivalent of a promise ring. I want to throw up, because we all know what a promise ring symbolises. - Lastly but certainly not leastly, when learning Renesmee will be full grown at age 7, Bella feels a "shudder" from Jacob. I hate it, it's gross, it needs to burn. Disgusting. And that's that, sorry it's so long, I had a lot to say. If you have any opinions on this review, feel free to discuss with me!

[crying-gay-tears]

Brighter Than the Sun (3/?)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

ao3

A thunderstorm and existential thoughts keep the boys awake. 

Chapter 3: Questioning

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gon tossed in bed as a clap of thunder echoed in the air outside his dorm. It hadn’t woken him up--he hadn’t actually fallen asleep yet--but it was enough to shake the window in its frame. A few seconds later and his room was illuminated by a flash as lightning ripped across the sky. He counted in his head ‘1, 2, 3, 4, 5’... another thunderclap, another flash. Huh, so the storm was about a mile away then. He knew this was coming, the signs had been showing the last few days. Birds were flying low yesterday and there was a ring around the moon that night. He could smell it in the air as well. He was grateful it waited until Friday night to finally hit. It meant he could have a nice rainy Saturday indoors with no classes to interrupt. Another crack of thunder and lightning, and the rain finally started. He settled on his back and listened to the heavy pitter patter against the roof.

The room was dark aside from the dim blue light of the street lamp outside the window. It illuminated the rain flowing down the glass, casting fluid shadows that danced across the floor. He laid awake watching them, mind wandering.Usually when it stormed, it brought him a sense of calm and peace. On nights like these he slept like a rock; but for some reason, tonight he couldn’t seem to sleep at all. Maybe it was because this was his first stormy night spent away from Whale Island. He had definitely been feeling the differences that living in a city made in his daily life. Maybe he was a little homesick, and maybe the storm was just making that feeling grow.

He glanced up at the desk across the room. The bright red digits of his alarm clock glared back at him, letting him know it was well past 1am. Just as he moved to bury his face in his pillow, he heard a thud followed by some rustling on the other side of his bedroom door. Eager for a distraction from his own restlessness, he kicked his blanket aside and snuck out to the common room. He wasn’t sure what he expected to find, but Killua on the floor scrambling to scoop chips back into a bowl was not it.

~~~~~~~~

After about two hours of tossing and turning in bed, Killua found himself in the common room, rolled up in a blanket on the couch with a bowl of cheese puffs and a baking show playing on the tv.

He was having trouble sleeping, which wasn’t really new, per se, but the thoughts running through his mind and keeping him from sleep certainly were. Earlier that day was the first meeting for the GSA, and Gon convinced him to go. Not that it took too much effort, Killua had been curious about it weeks ago when Gon first mentioned it.

The meeting was a little over an hour long, and Killua was on edge for most of that hour. There were a bunch of people there, all of them seemed nice enough, but it was still a bit overwhelming. He wasn’t even sure if he should be there in the first place.

They all introduced themselves with their name, pronouns, and sexuality if they were comfortable sharing. Killua waited with baited breath until it was his turn, then he quickly declared “Killua, he/him” and turned to Gon to pass the spotlight, who was carefree and confident when he spoke. ”I’m Gon! I didn’t really know what pronouns were before now, but mine are he/him! And I don’t know what to say about my sexualty, I’m here to hopefully figure it out!”

Killua was amazed the whole time at how easily Gon fit into the group, like they’d all been friends for years. He was starting to learn that that’s just how Gon was. He was comfortable with everyone he met and he navigated life with a confidence that stemmed from his own optimism.

Killua spent most of the time quietly observing. The group leaders talked about what it felt like for them when they realized they were queer. A few told their coming out stories, some of acceptance and some of isolation. They talked about the spectrum of sexuality and what each letter in the acronym was. Killua, who had entered the meeting assuming he was just going to be an ally, left that afternoon with the burning letter Q in his mind.

Questioning. Something about that word felt so comfortable to him. It felt like a word he could sit with for a while. Under the umbrella of questioning, he had the space to think about all the new perspectives he received during the meeting.

He assumed he was just an ally, but when he heard about all the things you could be besides straight… Ally didn’t feel like it really fit. And that was because straight definitely didn't feel like fit him anymore. To be honest, looking back, he wasn’t sure if it ever really fit him in the first place. But straight was what he always was, wasn’t it? It was never really something that got talked about directly, but it was always assumed. He’d only ever been asked about girlfriends, or girl crushes growing up. He’d been called a lady’s man by his parents’ friends, and he was always told he’d make a nice young lady very happy one day. It started to feel like being straight was kind of...expected of him? He never realized there was any other way to be.

But as overwhelmed as he was with the suffocating straightness, he was equally overwhelmed by the world of queerness that he had no experience with.

Straight didn’t feel right--and that was scary in and of itself--but he also wasn’t ready to declare himself as gay or bi or pan or any of the other letters. He just… wasn’t sure yet. So he was Questioning.

And boy was he questioning.

Everything.

What did this mean? Would he have to come out to his family if he decided he was gay? Or bi? Should he tell them now that he was questioning? Or wait until he figured it out 100%? When would that happen?

He couldn’t imagine his family being too cool about it, not that they were cool about much to begin with. When did he start caring about what they think anyways? He’d gotten piercings, dyed and cut his hair, snuck out, and done pretty much anything to piss them off and free himself just a little bit. If being gay pissed them off, he shouldn’t care! But would he? Wait, when did he decide he was gay? He wasn’t! Was he?

His phone buzzing on the couch next to him snapped him out of his thoughts, and he jerked in surprise, sending his snack flying. He hissed as the bowl clattered onto the floor, spilling cheese puffs everywhere.

He was on his knees scooping them back into the bowl frantically with his hands when he heard a door creak open. Before he could react, Gon was standing over him, a strange smile on his face.

“Want some help?”

“Oh, no thanks I’ve got it.” He threw the last puff back into the bowl and dumped them all into the trash. “Sorry if the bowl dropping woke you up.”

“It’s okay, it didn’t wake me up, I couldn’t sleep anyways.”

“Did the storm scare you or something?”

“No, ” his brow was furrowed and his lips formed a small pout. “I usually sleep like well on stormy nights. I don’t know why I’m so awake right now. I was thinking maybe I’m homesick.”

“Ah” Killua flopped onto the couch, pouring more chips into the bowl.

“Is that why you’re awake? The storm scared you?”

He scoffed. “No, I just have a lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Can I join you?”

“Uh, yeah, sure”

He made room on the couch and Gon sat down next to him. When he started tugging at the blanket, Killua just stared in confusion. He kept tugging until, finally understanding, Killua pulled the blanket off of himself and spread it over the both of them. Gon scooted in closer and let out a contented sigh. Their arms and thighs were touching, and Killua was doing his best to remain calm. Were they supposed to be sitting this close? Gon was always kinda touchy feely, and Killua had never really had friends like this before, was this just what friends did? They were watching tv, that was normal. Was he just overthinking?

“So, what’s on your mind, Killua?”

He almost jumped out of his skin. “I..uh, what?”

“You said you had a lot on your mind, and if it was keeping you from sleep I thought you might wanna talk about it.”

“Oh, no... I’m okay, just thinking about school stuff, yknow, homework and whatever.”

Gon just chuckled in response.

“What’s so funny?” he huffed.

“Nothing, it’s just that you’re a terrible liar.”

Killua’s mouth fell open in surprise.

“I am not! I-”

“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about whatever is bothering you.” He reached for another cheesepuff from the bowl in Killua’s lap. “It’s also okay if you’re scared of storms.” He smiled as he pushed the chip into his mouth.

“I’m not scared, Gon. Just couldn’t sleep. Seriously.”

“Okay, Killu, whatever you say. You know, storms used to scare me when I was younger. Mito-san always calmed me down with herbal tea and sometimes she’d sing to me. Did your parents ever do anything to help soothe you on stormy nights?”

“Well, no, not really. Not that storms ever scared me,” he side-eyed Gon, “but they’re not really the comforting type anyway so it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

“Oh?” Gon’s eyes were wide, not with judgement, but with genuine curiosity. “What are your parents like then? Tell me about them.”

Killua sighed. ”They weren’t really around much. Though I don’t think it’s because their jobs are super cool.“ Gon laughed and he pressed on.

“My dad is a criminal defense lawyer, just like his dad before him and his dad before him. My mom’s a criminal psychologist, so they make a great team. They both went to fancy colleges and come from rich families. All they really care about is maintaining social standing and images, and the family name, and of course money. They throw a lot of parties and dinners for clients and their colleagues, so I spent a ton of my life, including most holidays, stuffed into a stiff penguin suit with a fake smile speaking only when spoken to and never about what was actually on my mind.”

Gon frowned, his eyes were intense and urged him to continue.

“They’re only ever involved with my life when they’re trying to control it. I had to fight with them for months to let me go to a college so far from home. They wanted me to go to my father’s alma mater and get a law degree and eventually run the firm with my older brother,” he rolled his eyes. “But they’ve never once asked me what I want to do, or how I want to live.”

“What do you want to do?”

Killua blinked in surprise. “I, uh… well, I’m not really sure yet,” he dropped his head, staring at the bowl in his lap, “I really don’t know. But I want the freedom to figure it out for myself. Without their pressure or judgement.”

“That’s more than fair. You’re your own person, you should be able to make your own decisions!” Gon’s brow was furrowed, his mouth set in a tight line, clearly upset with what he’d just heard. Killua couldn’t help but smile; it was nice to have someone on his side for once.

“How did you get them to let you come here?”

“I told them if they didn’t let me pick where I went, I wouldn’t go at all.” A devious smile spread on his face at the memory of his mother crying and father standing stone faced with his arm crossed as he held up his acceptance letter.

Gon giggled. “What a power move! Were you being serious? Or bluffing?”

“Well, I just kinda went for it during an argument with them and then stuck to my guns when they pushed it further. I hadn’t really thought about whether or not they would actually agree to my terms. If they’d said no I guess I would’ve taken a year off or something to piss them off, and see if that changed their mind. Luckily, they went with it, and they’ve been pretty quiet since I left. I imagine when semester grades start coming out they’ll be calling. They’ll probably also be on my ass when they find out I haven’t declared a law major yet. Or any major for that matter.”

“You should take all the time you need! It’s okay to not have everything figured out just yet.”

Killua looked at Gon for a moment. His amber eyes were burning into him, full of care and concern. Killua felt so seen and it was...really nice, actually. His heartbeat speeding up was kind of annoying, though.

“Yeah, thanks. Hopefully I figure something out soon though, I think it’ll be easier to tell them I’m not pursuing law if I actually have an alternative to present them with.”

“That makes sense. I still think you should be able to take all the time you need to decide. It’s only fair.”

Killua swallowed nervously around the lump in his throat. Those words held so much weight. He certainly had a lot to think about and decide for himself, and not just what his major would be. Time sounded like exactly what he needed. “Thanks Gon.”

“Of course Killua! I’m your friend, and I support you, even if your parents don’t.” He smiled at Killua and then looked away, his face suddenly falling. “You know, it’s funny, you came to college to make your own life away from your parents, and I came to college to get closer to my dad and to shape my life to be like his. Makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. It hurt that he wasn't around and I guess that's why I want to follow in his footsteps. I just...I want it to be so great that I understand why it was worth leaving me.”

Killua had no idea what to say, but before he could figure it out, Gon was speaking again, his expression back to normal.

“You mentioned your brother, what’s he like? Is he supportive? Is he happy following in your father’s footsteps?”

He let out a bitter laugh. “Illumi does whatever he’s told, and he doesn’t complain. They like to bring him up a lot when I’m going against their wishes. He’s their perfect son, and life would be easier for all of us if I were more like him. He doesn’t support me or whatever, but to be fair, I don’t talk to him much, so he doesn’t really get the chance to anyway.”

“Is he your only sibling?”

“No, there’s actually five of us. Illumi, Milluki, Me, Kalluto, and Alluka.”

“Wow, that’s so many! I’m an only child, I always wanted siblings growing up.”

“Heh, that’s funny, growing up I always wanted to be an only child.” He laughed, Gon did too, though he looked a bit concerned.

“Alluka is really the only one I can talk to and spend time with.She still listens to mom and dad, she’s younger than me and still under their thumb, but she’s smart and down to earth. She sees through their bullshit and doesn’t buy into the life they push on us. Kalluto is up mom’s ass, and Illumi is up dad’s, and Milluki only cares about their money and his stupid tech start up. So it’s nice to not be alone against them, she always looks out for me, and I do the same for her.”

“I’m glad you have each other! I hate the thought of you all alone against your whole family. Even though I’m sure you could handle it, it’s nice to have someone on your side.”

Killua’s heart flipped in his chest. Ugh, why does that keep happening?

“Yeah, I’m glad we have each other too. I worry about her now that I’m so far away though. I know she can handle herself, but my parents are the worst, and I was always the buffer.”

Gon looked...angry? But he didn’t say anything immediately. He seemed to be mulling things over. “I don’t mean any offense, but your parents sound really mean.”

“I mean, they’re not nice by any stretch, but they don’t hit us or anything. Controlling and judgemental for sure, but it’s mostly cold indifference.”

Gon paused, turning his head to look directly into his eyes. Killua gulped.

“Just because your family didn’t give you much attention or show you kindness and affection, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve those things!” he emphasized his point by squeezing Killua’s hand under the blanket.

Killua’s cheeks were suddenly on fire, no doubt turning bright pink, and he was grateful the only light in the room was from the tv.

“Thanks, Gon.”

He didn’t have the nerve to squeeze back, he also didn’t quite expect the twinge of disappointment he felt when Gon let go of his hand.

After that, they fell into a comfortable silence, the storm was still raging on outside, the bowl of cheese puffs now laid discarded on the floor, and the baking show they’d been watching was entering the semi final. Gon let out a long yawn, stretching his limbs and leaning into Killua’s side.

His proximity fried his brain. He was trying his best to relax, but he felt stiff from head to toe with anxiety. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Gon close to him, it was just so new. When he felt Gon’s head fall onto his shoulder and rest there, he thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He was suddenly aware of his breathing and every move he made. He didn’t want to move or do anything to disturb Gon, so he decided the best course of action was to just relax. He focused on calming his breathing, and after a while his heartbeat was a little less frantic, and his body a little less tense.

He wasn’t used to this. Not just the cuddling, but the soft touches on his arm when they spoke sometimes, the hand on his shoulder when Gon was laughing extra hard, or the high fives and sometimes hugs when Gon was excited... It all felt so foreign. But still, as strange as it was to him, he couldn’t help but lean into it. Gon’s gravitational pull was seemingly inescapable.

In this moment, with Gon laying against him, head on his shoulder, it actually felt kind of... nice to be close to someone. He was warm and cozy as their body heat mingled under the blanket, and Gon was soft and solid against him. It was comforting in a way he’d never experienced, and couldn’t quite describe. When he actually let himself enjoy the affection instead of overthinking it, it felt pretty amazing. Without even realizing, he slowly began to let his guard down.

With Gon next to him he was actually distracted from his anxiety thoughts long enough for sleep to creep it’s way in. He felt so secure and comfortable, and it made him a little angry that he was falling asleep, he didn’t want this moment to end. When his eyelids started to feel heavy he knew he couldn’t fight it anymore.

He whispered, “Gon, I’m getting pretty tired, I think I’m gonna head to bed.”

No response.

He tried a little louder this time, “Gon?”

Nothing.

He slowly craned his neck to the side and saw that Gon’s face was slack, and his eyes were closed. He was asleep. His first thought was to gently wake him up so they could head their separate ways and go to bed. But when he tried to move, he just didn’t have it in him. His second thought was that maybe it would be okay to just let himself fall asleep. To let himself fall into the warmth and comfort of the moment, and to let his head gently rest against Gon’s as he drifted to sleep. And so he did.

[eloarei]

Oops I came up with a new story.

“Rosebud”, ostensibly a crossover of ‘Beauty and the Beast’... and ‘The Sims’.  (In actuality, it’s a mashup of a ton of ideas, not least of which is Fallout.)  Below is 3500 words of messy notes! I didn’t edit these much, so don’t expect it to make total sense. It starts out especially messy and then clears up a bit halfway through, because that’s brainstorming for you. Warnings for... uh... death, more death, bad parenting, living vicariously through your children, unethical clone treatment, insinuations of having creepy expectations of the next generation, and... fatalism? Also nuclear radiation and slight mention of people-eating. 

After nuclear war destroys much of the world, a single woman lives on in relative safety in a radiation-shielded building. She cannot safely go outside, and devotes her time to utilizing a terraforming system to try to clear and fix the outside world. It’s not a rush, because she knows she has enough resources inside to last as long as she needs, but it’s her goal. Aside from the radiated land and creatures in the area, there is one living sapient being-- a ‘beast’ who has taken up residence in a stately manor nearby. The human scientist doesn’t know where it came from; she has many theories. After the war, there was a period of time when the outside world wasn’t being carefully monitored, so she thinks it might be a mutated human, or a mutated animal. Possibly an alien or monster. It seems a combination of things. It has many human attributes, including some capacity for communication, but it reminds the scientist of a dragon in its habits and hulking form. Yet, it does appear to be a mammal. This beast might be the key to cleaning up the world, but there’s no way to speak to it. Sometimes she sends robots out, but the beast destroys some and ignores others. Eventually the scientist decides to make a person to send out to it. She sets up a cloning machine, and sends out one clone after another. It’s a constant trial-and-error process, and very many of the clones die quickly and painfully. Things the clones have died of: -radiation -lack of survival skills -creatures -the beast itself -hazardous terrain Some details: The lone scientist is a woman. She can observe a significant area (a city’s worth, or small state) through surveillance cameras. She makes robots, which she sends out but cannot allow back in. There’s no way for her to relay any information to them once they’re out, and they cannot send anything more than visual and audio data through the cameras. She works on the clone process, and obviously only has herself to clone. She knows she can’t revive the human race this way, and she can’t make any clone companions to keep around because she would risk running out of food. She is intrigued by the beast, but hates that she can’t talk to him. He eventually realizes that she communicates by sending robots to him, but he isn’t interested in her (because he can’t see her, she figures). This is when she begins to focus on the clones, thinking the beast would respond better. The clones are born and raised rapidly, requiring about a day per year of life. She sends them out at various ages, sometimes sending them too young if she’s impatient, sometimes keeping them too long when she’s lonely. She sometimes thinks of them as sisters or daughters. Is there any way for the clone to retain her memories? I don’t think so. She must be taught through a robotic learning... Helmet? At night. She spends the days with the scientist, practicing basic skills. She is hooked up to an artificial ager, either constantly or only when sleeping, and unhooked when sent out. Through observing the beast and the clone, the scientist slowly becomes attached to the beast, perhaps romantically so. The clones learn from her, using what she says to them as a sort of starting point, and then having their own experiences on the outside. Eventually one clone realizes that the scientist loves the beast, and she feels that way as well, feeling the desperation to have him near, to speak to him. That might be enough to push the beast to really trust her, and advance their relationship. From the beast’s perspective: He doesn’t know his own origin, just that he wandered here from somewhere, and found this manor to live in. He is territorial of the place, protecting it from animals and creatures, and robots. Eventually he accepts some of the robots, allowing them to live in the manor. They take to helping him with menial tasks. He is still distrustful of them, for the most part. He kills the first clone girl he sees, perhaps eating her. He didn’t consider that she might be a potential companion. (A month passes.) The second one he attacks like the first, but is startled by hearing her talk. She bleeds out, and he feels uncomfortable with eating her. (A month passes.) He is surprised to see another, so very similar to the first two. He avoids her, and eventually she dies of some other cause. (A month and a week had passed.) The fourth is too young. The scientist was frustrated and sent her out early. She reaches the manor and is determined to speak to the beast, young and scared of failing her mother. She searches for him and shouts that she will find him, and she only wants to talk! Eventually he comes out to her and they do talk. He’s rusty, but his mind has been awakening over the months and years, and he can easily converse with her. He gets her to explain who she is, and what her people want. She’s a little too young to understand it perfectly, but gets the point across that it’s only her and her mother, and that mother is insistent that they speak with him. Because? She doesn’t really get why, personally. But she’s glad she’s done it. Now she’s not sure what to do. She thinks she should go back to her mother? Perhaps she returns on her own, but isn’t able to get inside, and just sits outside and dies. (Two weeks passed in the lab, and then another outside.) The beast wonders if any others will come, but notes that the little one had said it was only she and her mother, so they must be the last. He goes out and traces her trail, and finds her dead and petrified/etc outside the lab. He feels very unsettled, because he doesn’t know what to think. She was his first friend, and now she’s dead. He thinks she should have stayed at the manor. He goes back home. When he shows up at the lab, the new clone is too young, and the scientist understands that she needs an older, more articulate clone next time. She considers sending the girl out now, but decides against it, to her own chagrin. The fifth shows up another month later. The beast is very surprised. He says ‘the little one said it was just her and her mother. Are you her mother?’ And the girl laughs. ‘No, and I don’t know what little one you’re talking about. It’s always just been me and mother.’ She’s glad he’s talking to her though, because mother said he might not. ‘Mother says I should get to know you. Where do you come from? Do you have people?’ The beast is confused about the girl’s social structure, but he explains himself to her, and then suggests that she stay in the manor. She does, continuing to ask him questions as if it’s her life goal (it is, of course), and as if she doesn’t know much else but to ask (she doesn’t). He thinks he likes her alright, although she is a bit simple and kind of annoying. He was more charmed by the young one, but sees this one as a curiosity. However, she eventually becomes ill and dies from radiation poisoning, and he is sad about losing his only friend (aside from the robots). (A month passed in the lab, and then a month outside.) Number six shows up a month later. She’s very matter of fact about wanting to study him, and when she gets answers to all the questions she was supposed to ask, she declares that she is going to go study the rest of the land. The beast is confused why she wouldn’t just want to stay at the manor with him, especially as he’d made it much cleaner and nicer during the last girl’s stay and since. The girl explains that she won’t live long; she can’t. The world is too ruined for humans to live properly out there, so while she lives she’ll spend her time wisely, collecting data for mother, in the hopes of one day fixing the world. The beast is still trying to puzzle this together, but he goes with the girl and studies the area for several months, until she finally dies. She claims she had a good life and was glad he came with her. Despite his sadness over her death, he agrees that it was enjoyable to spend time with her. He goes home and awaits the next one, which he’s sure now will come. The girls never mention cloning, but he thinks something must be making more girls. (This girl lived for at least four months.) During number six’s time outside, the scientist is badly ill or injured for a time. She begins to fear that she could die at any time, without any way to continue the program. She knows it doesn’t really matter, because there’s no future for humanity (as she knows it), but she wants to continue. The next clone, she teaches the girl about the cloning process as well, and further explains all her hopes and methods. The girl perhaps picks up on her mother’s sadness, and the way she stares wistfully at the beast through their many cameras. The beast, by this point, is very aware that the cameras are being watched by the girls’ mysterious mother, and sometimes the girls themselves. Sometimes he stares up at the cameras, wondering if he’s being watched, wondering about the strange mother on the other side, and the girl who will come to him next. When number seven arrives, he is immediately protective of her. She is charmed, and can see why her mother seems so intent on him. They are very honest with each other about what they know, about the world. ‘She’s enamored with you,’ she tells him one day, speaking of her mother. She knows mother can see and hear her, but that she’ll never see or hear mother again, so she doesn’t fear speaking the truth. ‘I know nothing of her,’ the beast says. ‘I am not enamored with her. I dislike that she sends you to me, knowing you will die.’ The girl isn’t distressed about her lot, though. ‘It’s the price I pay for meeting you. If I stayed inside, perhaps I would live. But then I’d just be like her, staring at you through the cameras, day after day, never knowing the warmth of your presence. I would rather die.’ The girl lives with the beast for a year, and then dies. The eighth girl never sees the outside. Lonely and distraught, the scientist puts off letting her go, day after day, until the girl has become a woman, and then surpassed her mother in age, and then died. The scientist spends a month after that, wallowing. (Four months pass.) The beast has become familiar with the routine now, and when a month passes and no girl comes to him, he becomes concerned, and then angry and confused. He eventually goes to the laboratory and pounds on the door, yelling that he knows ‘mother’ can hear him, and where is his companion?! There is no reply, so eventually he goes back to the manor and stalks around in a depression, destroying robots in his grief, knowing ‘mother’ sees him through each of their eyes. Sooner or later, the scientist makes another. Number nine she teaches to convince the beast to come to the laboratory, because she believes that he is the key to continued life on this planet. The girl takes the job seriously, addressing the beast with a quiet desperation gleaned from her mother. The beast is overjoyed to have a friend again, but still bitter at the whole situation. He doesn’t know that he trusts ‘mother’. How could she be trustworthy when she sends the girls out to die, again and again? When she gives to him, only to take away? Number nine explains what she understands: that mother wants to find a way to allow the girls to live a full life in the outside, but that his DNA might be what she needs. The beast is torn, because that sounds logical, and if he gives himself to ‘mother’ for study, the next girl might not have to leave him. But then he asks, ‘but what about you? How long will you have?’ ‘That depends,’ she says. ‘If you go to the laboratory with me, I might have a very long time. But I cannot stay out here, even though I might live three or four years. I cannot waste that time. Mother… may not last that long.’ Somehow it hadn’t quite occurred to the beast that mother was not immortal. And he still didn’t know how he felt about her, but if she died then there would be no more companions. This girl, nine, understood the cloning process, but apparently a clone could not be made of a clone. In the end, the beast must choose to go back to the laboratory, because not doing so would doom everyone. Mother would die, Nine would die, and he would be alone forever. They go to the lab, and the scientist finally lets someone back in. But now the place is compromised with radiation. Nine could have lived a hundred years if she never left, but now her time is limited, and she is devoted to helping mother. Mother, however, refuses to see the beast personally. After all this time, she thinks, she’s afraid. She’s getting to be an old woman now, and her heart isn’t what it used to be. She won’t be around much longer, especially as the lab has now been compromised, but she doesn’t think she can concentrate having ever seen those piercing eyes up close. She has Nine act as her assistant, gathering samples of the beast (who is simply at a loss, and hurt that neither Mother nor Nine seems to want to be as close to him as the others had). He feels lonely here, even with Nine with him often and Mother apparently very close, but in her own areas of the lab. But he does this because he feels he owes it to the girls who came before, the ones he thinks loved him, and whom he thinks he loved. Nine and Mother take their time with the project. They want to create a girl who will suffer no ill effects from the radiation, someone suited to this new world, clever and able, who might find a way to make things work. The beast mostly waits. Eventually, as the project is apparently nearing its finish, and Mother is also nearing her end, the beast asks of Nine, ‘Did you not care for me this whole time? I don’t understand. The others were joyed to spend their time with me, but you seem to avoid me.’ She tells him, ‘I do care for you. That’s why. I… I am not the one for you, the one who will not leave your heart broken. My time winds down as surely as my mother’s. I thought it best for both of us that I keep my distance and focus on the task at hand. I may be just one in a line of daughters, but I want my legacy to mean something. And soon, I think it will.’ The Beast respects Nine’s wish to focus, and appreciates that she didn’t want to hurt him by getting his hopes up. And the more she speaks of it, the more he becomes excited by the prospect of meeting someone who could stay with him forever. But then of course he worries if she’ll like him. Will she be like persistent Four, silly Five, or studious Six? Would she love him deeply as Seven did, or selflessly like Nine does now? Will she bear Mother’s complicated disdain for him? Will she resent him for taking Nine and Mother from her? If he’d stayed away, he knew the two women might have lived peacefully. Finally, Mother agrees to see him, something which he expected never to happen. She is an old woman-- not ancient or grizzled, but clearly nearing the end of her life and aware of it. She stares at him as if lost for words. They approach each other. He speaks first. ‘I don’t think I can forgive you for the deaths of the girls who came before.’ ‘I know,’ she says. ‘I didn’t understand what I was doing before.’ ‘Do you now?’ he asks. She shakes her head. ‘In the grand scheme, no. But I have never been allowed to see the grand scheme. I don’t know why the world became like this, why only I was left behind. I don’t know why you are here. I only know that it is, I was, and you are. I must work with what I know.’ ‘The last girl…’ the beast says. ‘Is she your apology to me?’ ‘She is… everything,’ Mother says. ‘She is the apology to you, and the apology to those who came before, and my last hope to give this world something worthwhile. She is the culmination of my research, and your happenstance, and she is the best gift I can give her.’ She pauses for a moment. ‘I won’t see her. I’ve instructed Nine to raise the girl, for as long as she can. But I won’t be here to taint her with my bias. If she loves you, it will be her own doing. However she loves you will be her own choice.’ The beast nods. He has to accept this. There is no other way. ‘The girl is ready to be brought into this world,’ Mother says. ‘So I’m going now. And I think you should too.’ ‘Where are you going?’ the beast asks. Mother sighs and looks into the middle distance. ‘Out,’ she says. ‘To see the world with my own eyes for once. Maybe to see my daughters.’ (She knows that the beast has buried all the previous girls, in the yard of the manor.) They say goodbye to Nine, who knows she will never see either of them again. And then beast and Mother leave, to spend the rest of Mother’s short remaining time in the outside, in the city and the manor she watched for years. Only several days pass before she dies, like many of her daughters before her, and the beast buries her in the yard with the others, and returns to waiting. Seven years later, the beast has lost hope that anyone will ever come for him. The others all grew in mere months. Perhaps something happened to her, or Nine somehow failed. He thinks of checking on them from time to time, but instead respects Nine’s wishes to be left to carry out her legacy-- even if that results in her failure. He tends the lands of the manor instead, slowly transforming the place into a place of beauty, which quietly spreads out into the rest of the city. It’s still irreparably irradiated, but things have begun to grow, and he’s cultivated every plant and animal he can. The place where Mother was buried grows most vibrantly, beautiful but dangerous flowers with thorns. The beast thinks… maybe this is it. But at least he has this. And then a girl comes to him, a young woman like most of the others. She’s distraught but brave as she knocks on the door of the manor. ‘Hello?’ she says as he opens the door to her. ‘I’m sorry to bother you, but I was told to come here. I’m here to deliver a message. My sister, Nine. I’m supposed to let you know that she’s dead.’ She begins to cry. ‘I’m sorry… For that to be the first thing I say to you.’ ‘Do you know who I am?’ he asked, astounded to see her and saddened at Nine’s death, and at this girl’s tears. ‘I’m sorry, not really,’ the girl says. ‘Nine only spoke of you at the end. But she said you knew all of my sisters. Do you think… you could tell me about them?’ ‘I would be more than happy to,’ says the beast, and they go inside to tell each other stories all the rest of the day. 

[thezestywalru]

Hidden behind a screen

Marinette cried frustrated tears into her pillows as she wondered why. Why didn’t they believe her? Why wouldn’t he help her? Why couldn’t she stand up for herself? 

“It’s not that bad, Marinette!” said Tikki, quite unhelpfully.

But Marinette ignored her, and ran down to her computer, typing out a furious email to her former best friend. She had no intentions of sending it, of course, but she couldn’t keep the emotions bottled in.

Remembering the villain that had played Paris for these last few years, she quickly decided to calm herself. Maybe talking to someone would help.

Marinette quickly logged online, surveying different chat rooms on various websites to see if one could help her. They didn’t need to know her name, but she needed advice. She needed an outsiders perspective.

Surprisingly fast, just a mere 20 minutes later, she received a DM in her inbox. It was from a kind stranger, assuring her that she had done no wrong. They offered her help, advice. All she had to do was type out a reply and talk to them.

Marinette hesitated, looking back at the sleeping red kwami. What would ladybug do in the situation? On one hand, her parents had always warned her never to talk to people online but she didn’t know. All of her social medias were private, excluding the one that she used for her designing.

With a gulp, she decided to take a leap and replied quickly. Marinette introduced herself as M. The stranger seemed nice. He introduced themselves as Jake. Though he provided no age, Marinette surmised through the different Internet lingo and slang that he used that Jake was about her age. He said he was 16, just like her. 

She checked his profile. It was fairly empty, only comments on different posts were written, offering kind words and solid advice. There are a few photos as well, each for portraying the same teenage boy with red hair and pale freckled skin. 

Though she was cautious at first, Jake quickly became Marinette’s only confidant. She told him nearly everything, often texting him during class to calm herself down as Lila squirmed her way out of tricky situations, and the class wouldn’t listen to her.

He told her all about his pet dog, TJ, who was a miniature poodle. He lived in London, just over the channel. He showed her a photo of the birthmark on his hand, which was shaped like a sleeping cat. “Just to prove that I’m real.” He joked. 

She asked him about the sites, which he willingly explained. This inspired a whole new line of her fashion, each modeled for the different monuments around the world.

He seemed perfect; almost like her dream guy, her soulmate. He wanted three kids as well and he didn’t mind hamsters. So, she told her dream guy her full name, her life and everything about her.

She wished she had someone she could talk to about Jake, someone she could gushed you about her newfound crush. The posters and schedule of Adrien were quickly removed.

So, Ladybug excitedly told Chat Noir about the new guy she was talking to. He didn’t take it very well. Flummoxed, she asked why he wasn’t happy for her. He confessed his love, once again, to which she responded that she only saw him as a friend.

Finally, two months after they had started talking, Jake finally asked her to be his girlfriend. She excitedly accepted. He promised to fly over for Valentine’s Day, so they could meet in person. She only had to wait four months. He gave her his number, which she began texting.

Soon, the questions begin. He asked her for photos, something to prove to his friends that he supposedly had a girlfriend. “They didn’t believe me,” he said. “They said you’re fake,” he said. So she sent him a photo of her that Alya had taken just months before, her in front of the Eiffel tower eating some of Audreys ice cream. It was a pretty photo, and she was quite proud of it.

“No,” he said. ”That’s not the kind of photo I want.” So, she took them. Shamefully. Because if she didn’t love him, why wouldn’t she do it? those were his words. They stung. It was her first relationship, but he assured her this was normal.

Instead of complaining or refusing because she wanted to keep her only friend, Marinette instead asked for photos of him to show to others. In reply, Jake sent the same photos from his profile, the two photos of the freckled ginger boy grinning at the camera.

“No,” She said. ”New photos.”

“These are new.” He replied. His original profile had been deleted. “By the company,” he said. She believed him, like a fool.

The questions began once more: requests for new photos, and strangely, threats. He wanted videos too.

“A video of what?” She didn’t really want to know.  His answer sickened her, but he said he wouldn’t come to Valentine’s Day in Paris if she didn’t send it. Her classmates already been doubting that she found a boyfriend, so she reluctantly sent it along. 

They continued talking, though now it was mostly requests for new photos and refusals to reciprocate. Come Valentine’s Day, when he didn’t show up to their meeting place and brushed it off with an excuse that the weather in England was bad (from her experience, the weather in England was almost always bad) she decided she had to cut him off.

The reply from her sweet Jake that she had given her heart to surprised her.

“I have your phone number, you stupid bitch. Do you think I won’t be able to find your address? You already gave it to me, including your last name. I know your parents are bakers. I know where to find you. I know where you sleep.” Scared now, she blocked his number.

She blocked him on all social media, not that he had many. She was beginning to suspect now that Jake wasn’t who he said he was. She looked up photos of miniature poodles, finding the picture that he claimed was of his dog in the first ten. The photos he had taken around London were merely grabbed off of the internet. 

She reached out to Alya, who merely scolded her about trusting Internet strangers, believing Lila that this was just an attention grabber from Marinette. After all, her boyfriend hadn’t been real, had he?

She went to Adrien after the first threatening text from an unknown number appeared, with just a photo, the photo that she had taken. He offered no advice, merrily telling her to ignore it.

So, she did. Stupidly, naïvely. The video showed up on her public fashion design’s Instagram. Shock rippled around the gossip sites. She tried to take it down, but it had already been downloaded by many people. It was quickly spread around the internet, with various people calling her out. She deleted her instagram. The source was unknown, so she couldn’t sue whoever it was. Her parents were ashamed; furious that she had trusted this boy.

The next video was merely an explicit of some guy jerking off to a photo of her. It was clearly not a teenage boy. it came from the same account. Jake.

Her future was ruined. Each time someone searched up her name, the photos would appear. She was ridiculed at school, even more so. They called her a slut, a whore. So, even though her parents couldn’t move their bakery, they offered to let her transfer schools to somewhere else in Paris when the year ended. She accepted.

The new school was fine, at first. She made a few friends. Soon the video made its appearance again, and everything was ruined. Her old classmates slandered her online, taking no mercy. They now ignored her. She wasn’t sure what she preferred. 

Who was he? Why was he doing this? She was ostracized at school for something she couldn’t control. Hawkmoth was never defeated under her time as ladybug, and she resigned from the position. She was the keeper of the miraculous now, so she sought out heroes who could defeat him. When she turned 18, Hawkmoth was revealed as Gabriel Agreste and sentenced to 12 life sentences in prison. 

Finally, after pleading with her parents, she moved to the United States for college. Fashion was a far off dream now, slowly sinking below the horizon. 

She went by Marie Dupain. She tried to remain invisible, sure that if she was noticed, she would be recognized. Marinette dyed her hair a darker black and wore baggy sweatshirts. 

Years passed and she had never achieved her dream of becoming a fashion icon. She still designed for different celebrities and high caliber clients, but she spent her days at a law firm after getting her degree in textiles and then achieving her law degree. She never returned to Paris unless it was to visit her family. 

It was just her luck that on the tenth Christmas she spent at her parents bakery, she would run into Alya, who was followed by a tall, freckled, ginger man. With a sharp inhale, she greeted her former best friend with a wan smile. 

“Girl! I haven’t seen you in ages!” Marinette shied away from the enthusiasm and attention. Alya prattled on before remembering her companion and purpose. 

“Oh, this is Shane.” She said, gesturing to her red-headed friend. “He’s a friend from university.” Marinette nodded slowly, wondering as she always did if this man was the one from the photos. 

Shane seemed agreeable enough, and Alya speedily roped Marinette into plans for them to reconnect. Marinette resolved to be on the next plane back to the US after Christmas. 

When Shane turned around, she noticed the peculiar birthmark on the back of his hand. It was shaped like a cat. A sleeping one, in fact. Marinette ran upstairs, abandoning her parents to take care of the rush. 

They never did find who posted those photos. The true identity of “Jake” was never revealed, nor did Marinette ever tell Shane that his photos were used against her. You see, happy endings don’t always come true. The bad guy isn’t always captured and killed in a grisly fire. That’s the power of being hidden behind a screen. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

More than 500,000 predators are online everyday. Kids 12 to 15 are susceptible to being groomed and manipulated by offenders online. FBI stats show that more than 50 percent of victims of online sexual exploitation are 12-15 years old.

- According to the University of New Hampshire's Youth Internet Safety Study (YISS), reports of unwanted sexual solicitations declined 53 percent between 2000 and 2010. As of 2010 only 9 percent of kids who use the internet received an unwanted sexual solicitation.

- The YISS report also found that two specific kinds of contact -- requests for offline meetings and situations that kids found extremely upsetting -- declined between 2005 and 2010.

- When there’s a report of an online predator (like the one about Roblox in 2017), multiple news outlets jump on the story, and they often appear in many outlets over a week or two, so it may feel like it's more common than it is. Also, it makes for a popular article since it plays on parents' fears.

- The University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center reports that kids are more likely to pressure each other to send or post sexual content than an adult.

-According to the New England Journal of Public Policy, contact with online predators happens mostly in chat rooms, on social media, or in the chat feature of a multiplayer game (Roblox, Minecraft, Clash of Clans, World of Warcraft, and so on).

-Most games meant for kids -- like Roblox and Animal Jam -- have built-in features and settings that are designed to prevent inappropriate comments and chat. Though they’re often imperfect, they do help.

-Games that aren’t designed only for kids have fewer controls, settings, and safeguards.

-Any app or online space that allows contact with strangers without moderation or age verification can allow contact between kids and adult strangers.Teens sometimes visit adult sites, chat rooms, and dating apps out of curiosity about sex and romance

-Only 5 percent of online predators pretend they're kids. Most reveal that they're older -- which is especially appealing to 12-to-15-year-olds who are most often targeted.

-Some predators initiate sexual talk or request pictures immediately and back off if refused. They're in it for an immediate result.

-In contrast, some predators engage in "bunny hunting," which is the process of picking a potential victim for "grooming": They'll look at social media posts and public chats to learn about the kid first.

-Once they've selected someone, they may begin the grooming phase, which often involves friending the target's contacts, engaging in increasingly personal conversations to build trust, taking the conversation to other platforms (like instant messaging), requesting pictures, and finally requesting offline contact.

-Sometimes if a kid shares one compromising picture, a predator will engage in "sextortion," which involves demanding more pictures or contact under threat of exposure or harm.

Be careful. Don’t trust anyone. Read up on what to do. Look up stories of victims like Amanda Todd. This is an unfortunately common thing, and I ask that people are aware of it. Marinette was targeted because of how open and vulnerable she was. Take care!

[leavaloo]

Original Works: Daki Character Study

While I’m done with requests for the night, I wanted to post some original stuff. This time, this short story is featuring two of the characters from my Beast Trial series that I’m working on. I hope you all enjoy! Please let me know what you think, especially since this is me getting more accustomed to my characters!

Hope y’all enjoy~

    Quiet mutterings echoed through the dinner where Daki sat. He frowned into his mug of ale, acting like he was deep in thought, when really, he was simply listening. It was a new technique he was trying, and one that was also fairly dangerous to the soul. Should he get caught, it would at the very least get him kicked out of this specific dinner. At the worst, possibly killed. Luckily, Rien was with him, who quietly wrote across the table from him.

    Yeah, he was doing school work, but he was also playing a very important role in all of this. He let Daki know if there was any suspicious looks their way by tapping his foot slightly. All in all, Daki didn’t like Rien, at least to begin with. Now, for the most part, he respected the work ethic he brought to their schemes. And of course, they always had the excuse that they were simply training for their celestials.

    Daki’s head thumped against the table, sending a wave of ash gray hair over Rien’s schoolwork. Rien raised an eyebrow at his roommate, brushing some of his deep black hair out of his black and white eyes. Daki always found that interesting. Rien’s eyes, especifically. Most souls had their eyes stay a similar color to their hair, even if a black soul retained a seemingly pupiless eye. It was the opposite for him. It was like he was monochrome right from the very start. White outsides, black iris, white pupil. Part of Daki wondered if he was colorblind.

    “What’s on your mind?” the black soul asked, resting his head in one of his hands, brow furrowed.

    “…I want you to be honest with me, Rien.”

    The silence begged him to go on.

    “What do you think about being chosen by Celestials to become divined champions?”

    Rien almost thumped his head down with Daki, with how heavy his sigh was. It raised a chuckle from the other male’s body. He set down his quill, taking a deep drink of his own ale while looking off at the people passing by. Daki also looked out, both of them collecting their thoughts before this obviously intense conversation began.

    Keirak was, of course, the capital of Azen. And honestly, this place was so much different than the snowy wastes where he came from. His body shivered instinctually, and he decided to push those bad thoughts out of his head. He watched as horses passed by on the elevated platforms, carrying carts willed with people or goods. The diner they were eating at specifically was, like many shops and stopping points in this canyon, carved into the red rock. He could hear the call of merchants from the square down below them, the jingling of many wares being transported, and the talk of those who rushed about from place to place. Yeah, a lot different from home.

    “I’m confused,” Rien finally spoke, bringing Daki’s attention back to the table. His head leaned on his arms, one of his hands playing with the long, gray rat tail that he had. His dark gray eyes scanned Rien’s body for any available clues of deceit, but even Daki had to admit, whether Rien was meaning to or not, the guy was hard to read.

    “Confused how?” Daki pressed.

    “Back in my village, I was known for being the black soul who couldn’t do any magic. I was good with weapons, not magic. Kids would run up to me and ask for a magic trick, and I’d never have anything to give them. So, out of all the other possible black souls out there, even with people like me being sparse, why me? I guess I don’t feel deserving of this title.”

    Daki was kind of taken aback. This entire time that he had been rooming with Rien at the academy, he had seen him as the type that got everything he wanted. It was one of the reasons he hated Rien from the start. Shaded souls like Rien always had the most amount of magic compared to any other shade or color. Daki solemnly looked at his hands for a second, wondering if the small amount of magical prowess that he had was more than Rien had even mustered.

    “I didn’t know you couldn’t do magic,” Daki said, kind of stupidly.

    Rien just sighed and nodded his head. “Yeah, well, I’ve been trying not to tell anyone here at the academy. Wynrie knows, and so does Maki. They’re really the only ones. And now you.”

    Daki raised his head up, furrowing his brow once more. “Why tell me? I’ve been a dick to you since day one.”

    Rien shrugged. “I figured if we’re being forced to room and train with each other because of our Celestials, I might as well tell you the obvious that you would be seeing. Speaking of magic, how’s yours coming along? The Queen’s messenger taught you something new, right? That’s why you dragged me here?”

    Daki just nodded, settling back into his arms with a frown. “Yeah but… it’s difficult. I’m having second thoughts. It might be best to continue doing it back at the academy, instead of here.”

    Rien just flicked his forehead.

    “Hey! That’s not nice!” Daki sat up, rubbing the place on his forehead that Rien flicked.

    “You won’t learn unless you go out of your comfort zone.”

    The gray soul kind of stopped, staring at him. Why was this entitled black soul giving him such strange information today? Rien nodded over to the crowd that was standing around a table. Two men were in an intense gambling match, from the looks of it, the stakes were high.

    “Try it there. Plenty of distractions, not many people to notice.”

    “How do you know all of this?”

    Rien just winked with a sly smirk. “I’ll tell you later.”

    Daki just groaned, closing his eyes and burying himself into his mug. He heard Rien starting to work on his homework again, and Daki felt a tap against his foot, signaling that it was good to go. He focused deep into his soul, imagining the room, and suddenly, he was able to get a reading of the environment.

    From his vision, though his eyes were closed, the black world was outlined in stark white, with only the brightness of everyone’s shadow to guide him. Over at the gambling table, he found that Rien was correct. Plenty of shadows, plenty of people engrossed by their game. Any tingle in their soul that would alert an intruder could be passed off as a high stakes anticipation.

    Daki’s soul and vision jumped to one of the gambler's shadows, and suddenly, Daki was able to hear, see and understand everything that was happening, though he was watching in third person. He could hear some of the patrons whispering around him, some suggesting some cards to play, others trying to help him cheat. On the table was some highly prized jewels, beautiful enough to make any rich man drool in his sleep. He had a losing hand, which was probably why his brow was sweaty, and his poker face was starting to fade.

    It was clear that, across from him, the finely dressed man in blue, silken robes and deep purple hair had a winning hand. He smirked at the commoner, lazily adjusting the collar on his robes, leaning back in anticipation. To Daki, it seemed this commoner waged his savings on this in hopes of gaining more than he bargained, and it was not going in his favor.

    Behind this man was a bouncy, anxious woman, who seemed to be the man’s wife. She was looking over his hand, and in that moment, Daki took that opportunity to jump to her. It was a good decision, because he could feel from her soul that she was incredibly nervous, despite the winning situation. He was also able to see from her perspective the blatant cheating of this simple card game. Hidden in one of the man’s sleeves were several losing cards, probably making it so that the information was only privy to his wife. Daki jumped away and came back to his body with a sudden gasp of air, and in the distance, he heard the commoner groan, “I fold.”

    Rien raised an eyebrow, and Daki sent him a look of “don’t ask yet”. He just nodded and went back to his schoolwork. The lord chuckled to himself, scooping all of his winnings into a pouch on his side, then standing up and linking arms with his wife. He bid the commoner goodbye, a sneaky smile on his face that could easily be misconstrued for a charming grin. Once the lord left, the commoner held his head in his hands, while some other patrons ordered him a couple of drinks, taking the two royal leige’s seats.

    Daki let out a breath he was holding, and gave a little smile to Rien.

    “It worked.”

    Rien’s eyes lit up, almost literally with his pupils, and he leaned forward. “Really? How did it go?”

    Daki, saying it in the most casual, but also low voice he could, explained how the lord had been cheating, making himself have a better hand than he started with. But more importantly, he described the experience of shadow hopping, and the two of them, for the first time, acted giddy together at the newfound power.

    “That’s so interesting,” Rien started, taking a thoughtful sip of his ale. “I wonder if you could jump into shadows that don’t have a soul attached.”

    Daki just shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s currently not up to me, but up to the Raven herself. Which, by all accounts, is a weird sentence to say aloud.”

    Rien chuckled slightly, tapping the edge of his quill against the counter. The two sat in silence for a while, before Daki finally piped up with a question he had been curious about for a while. “Say, Rien, if you can’t do any magic, how do you suppose that your two celestials are going to teach you any of their special techniques? Would you even be able to handle it if you already knew how to do magic?”

    Rien bit his lower lip, with it being his turn to have a confused look on his face. “I dunno. That’s what all of this is for,” he started, gesturing vaguely to the papers in front of him. “It’s all about how I feel on a day to day basis. I dunno, I feel like I’m being treated like a child, but they say it’s necessary.”

    Daki just nodded, drinking his untouched ale and staring out into the street once more. To be honest, he didn’t think that Rien was so special to begin with. He was a black soul, yes, and if he couldn’t do magic, then he was nothing more than an insignificant bug that Daki could easily squash under his feet. And yet, despite all of this, the guy somehow managed to become the divined champion of not one, but two of the Celestials in the prime council. Two! And these two were the heads of the council, who basically ruled over all things Celestial. Just the thought of it made his blood boil.

    It was Daki who stood up first and walked out of the dinner, putting a couple of gold down for the workers. That was usually how him and Rien departed. No words, no acknowledgement, just silent resentment. As he slowly walked around the boardwalks connected to the canyon walls, he realized that there had been something different in his encounter with Rien. He couldn’t shake the sad look that Rien kept getting in his eyes. So much so, it caused him to stop and look at the descending shadows from the fall of sunset. Part of him thought that, maybe, just maybe, there was more to this guy than meets the eye. The other part of him grit his teeth, shook his head, and forced himself to keep moving back onto campus. Yet, the thought still lingered, deep within the recesses of his mind.

[earth-ambassador-jim]

Lost Souls: Story 2

The Tower (part 1)

Summary: Merlin awakens early from his sleep. He decides that he doesn’t want to leaving anything to chance and kidnaps the young James Lake Jr. to began training his Trollhunter as early as possible.

Barbara is determined to hunt down the man who kidnapped her son. In her efforts to get her son back she finds a strange old radio that speaks to her in a woman’s voice. The radio leads her to an underground society of shapeshifters.

Mother and son meet again years later as strangers on opposing sides.

AO3 - Fanfiction

(Note: Jim is six in this chapter.)

~~~~

“I want to go home.”

Jim’s demand fell flat against the stone walls and dusty shelves of the room. The man who claimed he was Merlin didn’t respond; he just kept scribbling away on his roll of yellowed paper. Every once in a while he would glance at one of the many books on the table. Jim wasn’t sure if he was ignoring him or had just not heard.

“I’m leaving,” Jim announced.

No response. Jim carefully started moving toward the ornate wooden door that he was fairly certain led outside. “Merlin” was still scribbling away. He put his hand on doorknob, it was cold. He glanced back. Still nothing. Jim’s heart was beating fast as he eased open the door and slipped through.

He closed it quickly behind him and squirmed excitedly. He was out! It was far easier than he had expected.

He looked around trying to figure out where he was. The door was on one side of him and on the other was a dark tunnel, lit in places by glowing green stones. Jim eyed them with wide eyes.

Toby would have liked them. Jim had met him a year ago just before his birthday and they were now best friends. He had even shown Jim his special rock collection. Jim drifted toward one of the low-hanging green crystals but stopped. Mom said stealing wasn’t good.

He was already being bad by disobeying an grown-up and running away.

Jim frowned, hesitating by the door; he really shouldn’t be doing this, but he didn’t think Merlin was a good person. Mom had warned him that there were bad people and that he shouldn’t go with them or do what they said. Though he wasn’t sure if that applied in this situation since he hadn’t gone with Merlin: he had just woken up here... What if Mom had left him with Merlin like she used to with Gramma sometimes?

But she always told him when she was going to that. And she always said goodbye. Not like Dad…

He shook his head hard to get rid of that thought before turning away from the door. Mom wouldn’t abandon him and he didn’t want to be here anymore. He would find his way home. If he was wrong Mom would forgive him.

The tunnel was dark and cold. Every once in a while it would spit in two. The growing crystals stopped being interesting and cool and started feeling creepy. Their eerie light bothered his eyes. Jim found himself getting more and more confused. He wasn’t even sure how to get back to the door. He let out a quiet whimper.

Maybe if he went just a little farther…

He rounded the corner and found himself in front of a very familiar door. He was back where he started.

Jim frowned. That was strange…

He decided to try again. And again. And again…

When Jim found himself at the wooden door yet again, he felt his face crumple. He sniffed a few times and a tear trickled down his cheek. What was he doing wrong? Frustrated and lonely, he curled up beside the door and started crying.

He had been there for a while, and was starting to get cold, when the door opened. Warm yellow light spilled out, partially blocked by a tall silhouette. He peeked out from behind his hands to see Merlin staring down at him.

“Come back inside, boy. If you stay out in the caves you’ll catch cold.”

Jim glared up at him for a moment. A shiver ran through him, causing him to wrap his arms around his skinny frame. Despite that he refused to get up. He didn’t want to go back there, he wanted to go home.

He didn’t get much of a choice. He let out a yelp as he was lifted up and carried, struggling, back inside.

Once they were back in, and the door was closed, Merlin wrapped him in a large thick blanket, set him in a chair, and handed him a cup of something warm. Coco he realized. He held it in his hands but didn’t drink it, choosing instead to glare at Merlin as the man settled into the chair across from him.

“How long will I be here?” Jim asked.

No response.

“Why am I here?”

“I told you: I’m training you.”

“Why?” Jim asked, frustrated.

He had said something like that when Jim had first woken up here. That Jim had an important destiny that he had to prepare him for.

But Jim knew training was like teaching. He went to school for teaching and they let him go home each day. The teacher, Miss Crumbstead, didn’t ignore him either. She answered his questions and would give him and the other kids fun things to play with and draw. Merlin didn’t do any of these things.

He didn’t think Merlin was going to answer but to his surprise the old man looked up. He set down his pen and put his hands together in front of him. Jim straightened uncomfortably under his gaze.

“I wanted to wait a while longer to talk to you about this but I suppose you need some explanation before you can settle in.”

His blue-grey eyes were intense as he studied Jim carefully before he sighed and a tired sort of look formed on his face, like the one Mom had when she had told Jim Dad wouldn’t be coming home for Thanksgiving. He rose from his chair and went over to one of the shelves, shuffling around for a moment, before he came back and set a small yellow crystal down between them.

“There is great evil in this world,” Merlin started.

He rested his hand on the crystal and it flickered and released blast of yellow light. Jim shielded his eyes. When he put his hand down, he saw that the light was forming into shapes: huge beings with horns and armor and fangs. He ducked down behind the back of his chair, watching them fearfully.

“One such evil took the form of the Gumm-Gumms. They were a vicious group of trolls that ate humans and wreaked havoc… hurt other trolls that didn’t agree with them.”

Jim covered his eyes, shaking. He didn’t want to see this.

“In order to protect the humans and drive them back. I created a magical amulet that would choose a champion and gift them with great power.”

Jim peeked through his fingers and saw the image had shifted to a different, less scary, one of the horned creatures. It held a glowing disk in its hands. Its lips moved as if it was saying something and a suit of armor materialized around it.

“Thus started the line of Trollhunters,” Merlin said, a slight smile briefly appearing on his face.

He circled around the table to stand beside Jim and set a hand on his shoulder. Jim shifted uncomfortably but let it stay as he watched the images fade away.

“But what… why am I here?”

“You are destined to be the next Trollhunter,” Merlin stated.

Jim turned around to stare at him in surprise.

“Me?” He squeaked.

Merlin nodded.

“Indeed.” He took a step away, clasping his hands behind his back and turning away from Jim. “I saw it in a vision. You were able to finally defeat two of the greatest evils the world has known.”

He paused.

“Or rather will. But not before damage was done.”

He set another crystal next to the yellow one, a blue one this time. He tapped them together and whispered words that Jim couldn’t understand.

They flared for a moment and then cast out a red light. Jim jumped as the shapes of the Gumm-Gumms reformed. This time in Arcadia! There were people fleeing for their lives. Destruction and chaos was everywhere. Jim’s breathing quickened to the point he was rapidly becoming light headed.

Merlin picked up crystals and the image vanished. Jim stared up at him with wide eyes. The wizard’s expression was solemn. He knelt down to Jim’s level.

“That is why I brought you here,” He said gently, holding Jim’s gaze with his own. “To start training you early so this time when the time comes you will be ready to do what you need to.”

“C… Can’t.. Couldn’t someone else do it? I… I’m not big or strong… or… or…”

Merlin shook his head.

“I’ve studied many futures,” He said firmly.

His hand brushed over the crystal again. Images flickered by quicker than Jim could truly take them in, but slow enough that he could see the destruction and devastation.

“…You must be the Trollhunter, it is the only way.”

Jim was quivering. He started to wrap his arms around himself, but Merlin gently pulled them back down.

“But what about Mom?” He whimpered.

He couldn’t leave her. He didn’t want to, but especially not after seeing how badly it had hurt her when Dad left had left them.

“Can’t she stay here too?”

Merlin sighed and looked away.

“I’m afraid not,” He said. “Being Trollhunter is dangerous. If your enemies know who you care about they will try to hurt them. Do you really want to bring her into that?”

Jim thought about the evil man-eating trolls and shook his head weakly. He didn’t want Mom to get hurt. Before he could say anything else, Merlin continued.

“You can see her eventually, once you’re strong enough, but for now I need you to focus on your training. Will you do that?”

Jim hesitated, this was big and scary, but if he didn’t…

“Okay.”

Merlin smiled and patted his head.

“I knew you would make the right decision.”

~~~~

~~~~

Author Notes:

The next chapter will be Barbara's first interaction with Morgana. I was going to have it be part of this chapter, but it was being stubborn and I'm impatient. There's also a time jump, so I think it probably works better this way.

Also writing from a kid's perspective is tricky and I would welcome any critiques.

This story will be alternating between the past and present (events that will be taking place after Jim and Barbara's interactions in the first chapter) I will be showing that with tenses. Events happening in the present will be chronological, while events in the past will jump around a bit. It's a bit of a style experiment for me so I'd love to hear what you think!

[moralanxietystudio]

Writing dialogues for the Clean Spear tavern - Roadwarden Devlog

The Clean Spear tavern is the first major settlement the can be visited in Roadwarden. “Can be”, but doesn’t “have to be”. While Spear is going to be related to various side-quests and may be a significant part of the experience, the player doesn’t have to visit this place to see the resolution of the “main” story.

When the game’s tutorial ends, the PC approaches a crossroad. The western road leads is more “tamed”, focused on interacting with people, participating in side quests and gathering rumors. The eastern road is much wilder - more challenging, focused on exploration, stranger. The unknown.

Clean Spear is the first area placed to the west, and it plays an important role in the game. It’s introduced when the player knows the majority of the game’s mechanics, but isn’t sure yet how it’s structure is going to look like. “How much can I really do here,” they may ask.

So while most of the areas introduce just a bunch of possible interactions at once, the Clean Spear plays the role that in other RPGs is filled by the first town, or the first village. It allows you to participate in a couple of activities at once, without focusing too much on any of them in particular.

In this devlog, I’m going to present how it works. And what decisions have I made to build it this way.

Just to be sure - the tavern is not fully written just yet. For example, you can unlock a quest, but there are no hidden lines of code that already include all the dialogue chunks related to completing it. For now, I’m focusing on the first contact - what you will find here before you go further west.

It’s always difficult, especially in fantasy fiction, to measure the appropriate amount of worldbuilding presented through narration. Ideally, you want to give the player all the necessary information, but also - not more than that. And you have to make it as camouflaged as possible, build a narration that makes the dry facts palatable. So, the tavern is not just “big, has cost a fortune and you don’t know who could want to place it here, against all odds.” All these information are not just told, they’re shown.

When you arrive to a new place in Roadwarden, your character doesn’t ignore it. A part of the main story is that the PC has to explore the strange peninsula, and understand what and who is there to be found. I “could” add options such as “I don’t care, I just ride ahead” and allow the player to ride through the entire realm with as few mouse clicks as possible. I just find no value in it. It’s not a sandbox game, you’re not going to have a drunken “killing all NPCs” run anyway.

I assume that you’ve arrived to a new place to experience it. That exploring it is pretty much essential for the dramatic structure of the game, and you won’t try to avoid it.

To support the illusion that the other characters in the game have their own motivations, it’s the NPCs who speak with you first. One of the guards wants to use this opportunity to enjoy a bit of a small talk. She is kind, even goofy.

You can respond in a couple of ways by matching a dialogue option with one of the five Attitudes (Friendly, Playful, Distanced, Intimidating, Vulnerable). I see Attitudes as masks you use to influence how others see you.

Two of the dialogue options are almost identical:

“It’s easy to learn how to do it, but it’s tiring. You have to train some weird muscles.”

and

“Quite hard, honestly. Not anyone can handle a palfrey.”

These two choices provide some small differences in the way NPCs react to your comments, but they’re not here to make one of these choices more “profitable” for the player. They’re meant to give you an opportunity to express your character. Is it trying to stay somewhat humble and even encouraging, or do you portray it as a strong person with a unique set of abilities - which is possibly more honest?

The real difference here makes the Attitude you use while selecting one of these options. Attitudes can be chosen only at the beginning of the conversation and they mostly impact the first impression you make. Various combinations lead to slightly different answers and change the mood of your interaction with the guards. If you are either Friendly or Playful, the guards become more affable (and the game stores this information for later). And if you are Distanced or Vulnerable, they also stay rather neutral.

However, if you choose:

Intimidating: I don’t answer her. “It’s a tavern, isn’t it? Open the gate!”

...it will reduce the level of friendliness.

Currently, you can’t talk with the guards outside of this introduction, but it’s a thing I definitely want to add later on. An option to sit down with them and talk about one thing or another. It just wasn’t that important at this stage of the game’s development. And the level of your friendliness will modify such conversations.

This interaction is not extremely significant from the perspective of the game’s mechanics. That’s why you make the choice basing it mostly on your whim and judgment - the NPC is very open and kind, so you may want to respond in the same manner.

However, in more significant parts of the game, you shouldn’t be forced to always base your judgment on feelings alone, without the more specific information. You can gather news about other NPCs, find out what are they like and what can you expect from them. It’s an information that’s not purely based on luck and empathy, but also something that you find through exploration.

The innkeeper’s preferred Attitudes are more difficult to predict through the presented emotions alone. You can still play around and look for a “good” choice through trial and error, but you can find the information about the “optimal” Attitude in two places that you’ve previously seen.

Firstly, during the tutorial section you may find a clue here that the innkeeper likes professional, competent people - it’s suggested that you should stay “Distanced” around him. It’s an information that shows up only if you are asking questions, gathering intel. It rewards you for exploration.

The second source of the information was at the gate - if you’re either Friendly or Playful, the guard will mention that the “boss” isn’t one to make fun of. If you’re Intimidating, she will warn you to behave yourself around the innkeeper, or you’re going to regret it.

When you approach the innkeeper, every Attitude gives you a slightly different result, both narratively and mechanically. He has his own “friendliness” level, and here you can see how how it changes during the first encounter:

Friendly - new dialogue, friendliness is reduced by a level

Playful - same dialogue as Friendly, but friendliness is reduced by 2 levels instead of one

Distanced - new dialogue, friendliness is increased by a level

Intimidating - new route, friendliness is reduced by 2 levels. it also changes the displayed dialogue option into “Shut up and answer my questions. I’m in a hurry.”

Vulnerable - new dialogue, friendliness doesn’t change

The regular “route” allows you to choose between drinking a free beer (what gives you a nice taste description) or ignore it. The game doesn’t imply why you may want to refuse a free round. Maybe you’re paranoid and afraid of poison, or you don’t want to display too much trust, or maybe you feel like playing a character that doesn’t believe in anything being “free”. It’s a small role-playing bit, without any gameplay-related effects.

The Intimidating route, however, makes the innkeeper angry. He threatens you, and you can either apologize or act tough. Both of these choices are rather bad. The first one gives you a temporary tavern ban - you are forced to leave, but you can return one day later and have the regular conversations. The second choice gives you a seemingly permanent ban.

If you experience the temporary ban, you’re kicked out... Unless it’s already after sundown. In such case, you can stay. The atmosphere is cold and you’re pretty much forced to go to sleep, but at least you’re not thrown into wilderness (what would result in hurting your character). In case of a permaban - you’re kicked out no matter what.

It’s not the only thing that changes depending on the time current time. After the first visit, if you arrive before 8 PM, you’ll see an open gate and the guards minding their own businesses - the specific description is partially randomized. If you arrive later on, the gate will be closed and the guards will be already on the walls. If you arrive in the middle of the night, the atmosphere of your arrival changes significantly.

But let’s get back to the regular tavern visit.

Some of the actions you make are very straight-forward. You get through a couple of chunks of dialogue, and you return to the main list of questions. Regular RPG stuff:

“I’m looking for Asterion, the previous roadwarden.”

“What can you tell me about the peninsula?”

“I didn’t expect to find a tavern of this size in a place such as this.”

“Need anything done? I could use a job.”

Each of these options can be used only once, and some of them won’t be available if specific conditions are met. The first one is strictly related to a quest, so if this quest is already finished, this dialogue option won’t be displayed. A similar thing will happen if the player finishes at least 50% of the game. In such scenario, the innkeeper already knows who the player is, so even the introduction scene is going to look differently. The player’s reputation precedes them, and the world reacts to their actions.

Some situations have simple role-playing bits:

But the “I could use a job” option has a small twist to it. Once again, the player can react to received information in a couple of ways:

And if the player asks for three coins instead of 2, the game will check the value of innkeeper’s friendliness - the one we’ve influenced during the Attitude phase of the conversation. If this value is higher then 0, the innkeeper will agree to 3 coins. If its equal or smaller, the reward doesn’t change.

Small details such as this one are going to be spread around all of the conversations. I want the player to feel the mood, to see how others perceive you.

The relationship level also shapes the scope of information that player can receive from an NPC. For example, the player can ask for rumors related to specific characters through simple gossip screen, which involves text parsers:

The higher the friendship level is, the more information is going to be revealed. And the most efficient way to increase one’s friendship is to complete quests and make good dialogue decisions. So, it will be necessary to involve some sort of hints like “you know, I feel like we could talk about Asterion some more.” I think it will support the feeling of self-agency and impact that the PC has.

As you’ve possibly noticed, a lot of things that in RPGs are treated marginally, in Roadwarden are a part of the main course. And I have to look for ways to merge the “mood” with the convenience. The shopping is a good example of it.

It’s important to me that buying stuff is seen as something more than a couple of clicks, as a part of the routine. I want to create this illusion of things being a part of the larger world, unique and with their own meaning and purpose. That someone wants you to buy them. So when you use any shop for the first time, you’re met with new dialogue that describes the things that are currently available (currently two, but it’s still WIP):

However, you won’t have to see each one of these screens every time you want to buy something. Repeating the same information isn’t fun. So once you see the “stock,” the following visits are going to be smoother and more focused. Oh, by the way - the price of the fur is related to the innkeeper’s friendship level.

This shop mimics some of the other in-game menus, like the sleeping screen. These menus have to be remade to make them less chaotic, but they are much closer to one-button solutions that will make faster.

Selling stuff won’t repeat the structure that buying currently has. That’s because more often than not the player won’t have anything worth buying. And if they don’t have anything valuable, it’s still a one-click conversation. It doesn’t need a new menu.

I still haven’t talked about the “leftovers” dialogue branch, but this devlog is already longer than I’ve expected.

I think an important part of Roadwarden is portraying everything as narratively convincing as possible, even though the player is constantly at the center of events. The game doesn’t have a submenu with friendship bars, or “+7, The innkeeper likes it” notifications, or “NPC will remember this” icons. Some decisions and actions are strictly here for the sake of role-playing and don’t change any numbers, while others provide bonuses and disadvantages in such a subtle way that the player won’t be sure if and how the cogs move behind the curtain.

It’s a difficult approach, but one that I’m proud of. I want the experience to cohesively merge the world, the player’s actions and all the mechanical systems - which are implemented to make the story stronger. I want all of it to blend into a sequence of events that makes sense. That feel like a good, massive fantasy tale.

Thank you for your attention. The last week was crazy for me, and I’m happy with the progress I’ve recently made. It feels great to write. Oh, and I'm on Twitter and Facebook.

[once-upon-a-multi-fandom-blog]

You need to do become used in order to the unusual sensation of the bloodstream rapidly filling the penis of yours, but to stay away from discoloration or discomfort, you truly cannot go crazy.

2. Claims associated with a larger penis is likely to be exaggerated I discovered the pump will be able to temporarily provide you with larger erections by engorging it a lot more. Though I continue to be suspicious of promises it is able to try adding in to the size of yours.

For being good, I just utilized it for per month, as well as perhaps you'll need much longer to obtain outcomes. Though it did not create any kind of distinction within the very first month, which a lot of I am aware.

3. Not slight to use An additional concern is when you should make use of the pump. Can you permit the partner timepiece of yours? Or perhaps would you sneak above towards the bath room, reappearing a couple of mins later on prepared to cut grass?

I believe it is okay to utilize it inside the own period of yours, as well as in case you've a comprehension partner. The partner of mine believes it is very amusing & discovers it intriguing to look at!

But in case you are with somebody new, it is maybe significantly less subtle or convenient as a fast tablet as viagra.

Summary

Pros An reliable and effective method to get hold of an erection for sex More affordable compared to constant medication therapies as cialis or viagra Stays away from shooting any kind of medication Absolutely no systemic complications (affecting the majority on the body) Non-invasive treatment Quick and easy to use

Cons Equally you as well as the partner of yours need to recognize the procedure for utilizing the pump before sex It is much less slight than medication treatments It is often slightly uneasy to use Chance of small discoloration or even bruising Exclusively leads to short-term penis enlargement

Verdict There is absolutely no questioning that the penis pump did the role of its throughout the month I applied it. I manage to get hold of an erection each time I'd sex, as well as within almost no period. Thus as a means for treating erectile dysfunction, I was extremely satisfied with it.

Plus when compared with good erectile dysfunction medications, it had been terrific never to have the annoying negative effects as head aches or even an overused nose.

Even though it is able to provide you with a larger erection if you make use of it, I did not discover it transformed the dimensions of mine after the influence had used off however.

I am certain I will make use of the penis pump once again with the partner of mine. We have fallen beyond the original awkwardness, and also she discovers it type of enjoyable these days. But likewise, I can observe exactly why a slight tablet could possibly be a lot more attractive for some males.

Where you can purchase a penis pump You are able to purchase them by using many internet adult shops, plus they typically inventory identical heels.

I suggest bathmate recognized supplier, as they've a very good variety of each inexpensive plus more complex penis high heels.

The Hydromax x30, is a penis pump, meant to boost the measurements and also girth of a male's penis and assisting create more powerful erections plus more awareness after usage. When the title indicates, the Hydromax x30 is a hydro pump. Water is used by it, quite compared to atmosphere to develop as well as keep a vacuum. The poly carbon tubing methods 7.5 in in circumference round the starting (near the bellows.) and this also narrows somewhat while you shift as much as the roof of the tubing (7.1 in circumference.) the entire measurements (Plastic tubing and also bellows) on the Hydromax is ten in. The Hydromax x30 can be obtained within three various colors. You are able to often buy the distinct tubing model, such as mine, or maybe you are able to choose a white, or maybe an azure tubing. The colors continue to be semi transparent, therefore whichever colour you pick, you'll still have a great perspective of the penis of yours inside, though the distinct tubing will offer probably the very best perspective. The Hydromax x30 works on a bellows like pump to develop suction, instead of a light bulb pump, and that eliminates the demand for other attachments or even tubing as well as though I just have restricted practical experience and have a bulb pump prior to (On a pussy pump) the bellows pour appears to run very well. The vacuum is managed utilizing a fairly easy valve phone system to manage drinking water flow as well as stress. This particular valve was created to become utilized 1 handed, though from the expertise of mine, the switch might be somewhat rigid on event.

Operation: The Hydromax x thirty is user-friendly, though it takes just a little finding out in the beginning. Here is the way it works:

To begin with, turn the small greyish valve switch to shut place (Either edge of central.) The switch is little and also certainly will be a bit rigid, for that reason often can certainly be fiddly. Load up the pump with drinking water that is bright Either together with the label dealing with higher, which means you are able to notice dimensions, or perhaps with the label experiencing bad, to provide you with an unobstructed perspective, put in the penis within the pump as well as rest the casual band in place against the pelvis of yours. The casual band isn't uniformly formed, and also it dips inside somewhat on just one edge, this's the edge you preferably should have sleeping against the testicles of yours. Guarantee the testicles of yours are outside the Hydromax pump in this particular point. If needed, mild pull lower upon them to make sure they don't be sucked straight into the tubing. Start pushing the pump into the pelvis of yours. This can trigger the bellows to collapse (They are very solid plus it requires a small amount of force.) Only at that stage, you'll note a jet of moisture capturing out of the opposite conclusion of all of the pump. Gradually unwind the inward strain from the pelvis. This can trigger the bellows to elongate to the typical place of theirs, and this also stress can cause the penis of yours to become pulled upwards, or perhaps sucked into the pump. A seal is created, in case not, reposition as well as attempt once more. During the subsequent fifteen to twenty mins, recurring stairs five as well as six, gradually pumping the bellows to generate much more suction until perfectly stretched. Quit whenever you really feel you're arriving at the cap of yours of coziness. Should you pump a bit an excessive amount of & wish to discharge a little stress, just depress the entire valve dome. This can give off a bit, or maybe a great deal of stress, based on the length of time you depress the valve for. When you've completed, just press the small greyish valve switch to a main spot. This would uncover the valve in addition to quickly launch each liquid and pressure will put at the valve. (This can certainly additionally be accomplished when you have to put out strain quick, within every time.) Hydromax x30 Penis Pump packagingHydromax x30 Penis Pump packagingHydromax x30 Penis Pump valveMeasuring label on the Hydromax x30 Penis Pump Inside Use: Just before I get into the encounters of ours I have to point out I tried the Hydromax pump with 2 distinct men. (Not all at once. That could most likely be strange for them.) The main reason I'd to accomplish this was since the Hydromax x30 was simply not ideal for the partner of mine. He's very serious phimosis (Tight foreskin, not able to retract throughout the glans.) We really didn't believe the phimosis of his could be an aspect inside with a penis pump, though it actually is. As the partner of mine set about using the Hydromax, the penis of his normally started to enlarge, getting bigger than it'd obviously, despite an erection. This particular increased dimension triggered a great deal a lot more stretching out to the foreskin of his than normal, and yes it really started to really feel as although the skin of his will tear whether he carried on. The issue was, he was not close to the optimum opportunity of his and then thought he may go additional, in the event that not for the phimosis. Obviously this particular was an issue also I suppose this will likely be an issue for any kind of male having a small foreskin, therefore we surpassed the Hydromax x30 onto a curious and willing buddy, whom provided us with comments that is superb .

My good friend found an excellent expertise together with the Hydromax x30. He discovered it has been pleasant to make use of as well as even though he was uncertain at very first, he found it labored significantly, better than he expected. (To the stage that it really turned into a favorite plaything of his.) he described the feelings during using as becoming much like a taking, or perhaps stretching out feeling as well as despite the fact that which seems strong, he didn't encounter some pain, except if he have just a little taken at a distance and also pumped far. With this example, the fast discharge valve functioned very well to alleviate the stress quick. The only real additional point he encountered soreness was in the course of the very first make use of of his, as he settled minimal focus on the testicles of his as well as 1 accidently got' sucked up' that was not by far the most comfy experience. (Hold on to the toes of yours, boys.)

Because clean water is used by the Hydromax, quite compared to air flow, to produce a vacuum, it is able to just be utilized within the bathtub, bath or any other damp space. Nevertheless, utilizing normal water offered several additional advantages. First of all, it appears to produce a more powerful seal, when compared with air most pumps, as well as leakages are not as likely, therefore you do not really feel as it's continuously shedding suction when you go. Next, the comfortable drinking water looked to help you unwind the bloodstream vessels within the penis, providing much better, larger results. (Plus it simply can feel nicer.) The good friend of mine has today employed the pump on six various events as well as informs me that, on every consequent make use of, he's were able to boost the dimensions of the penis of his, based mostly on the prior results of his. Sooner or later, this particular boost will quit occurring, though it's quite a great indication which the item is engaging in as meant.

What shocked me essentially the most however, was simply just how much this particular pump does boost the dimensions on the penis. Along with duration, the Hydromax also offers an impact on girth, and also during some point, my good friend was able to run the whole tubing. (Girth wise.) This's not really a narrow tubing, computing 7.5 in in circumference. The Hydromax significantly boosts sizing, and also it will it perfectly. The great bulk on the swelling sets within one hour, though the good friend of mine observed that it can get as many as twenty four working hours for the penis of his to go back totally to the pre pumped condition of its. The very first hour right after pumping happens when he observed the best modification, not only inside dimension, but additionally within feeling. The good friend of mine seen he sensed much more delicate simply right after pumping, and this also flat heightened the orgasms of his.

Downsides: As a result of the bellows design pumping, and also the solid suction produced, at times the Hydromax is able to provide you experiencing a bit of bruised all around the groin location of yours, the majority of significantly exactly where it rests in place against the pubic bone of yours. In case you've very high testicles, you are going to need to support on for them although you primarily produce a seal, to stay away from them unintentionally driving sucked in place within the tubing. If you ever experience with phimosis or maybe any kind of type of penis soreness, particularly when erect, you might not get the complete opportunity of yours on the Hydromax x30.

An additional point to keep in mind is the fact that at a particular thing within the pumping, it starts to obtain a lot of more difficult to still pour. To put it simply, right after a particular issue, you can't draw away much more h20 or atmosphere out of the tubing. This doesn't truly induce a big issue, since the outcomes continue to be remarkable, however for men that want to have the ability to keep that here small bit more, you may want to check out the Hydromax x40 as an alternative This's additionally the case for just about any men that happen to be bigger compared to, point out, seven in, because you are going to feel just like you might go more, but there's absolutely no suite remaining to do it.

An additional point to think about is the fact that the Hydromax is only able to be utilized within the bathtub or even shower (Water squirts from the conclusion because you pump it.) therefore this can restrict the encounters of yours to many instances within a bath room, though within the point of view of ours, it's worth every penny. Faucet actually works as properly.

Hydromax x30 Penis PumpThe Hydromax x30 Penis Pump includes extra valve partsThe Hydromax x30 Penis Pump - casual pad Care as well as cleaning: Being completely submersible, the Hydromax x30 is quite simple to clean up. Make use of several warm, soapy drinking water as well as a great rinse later, nonetheless, you might have to have a comb or a cloth or sponge of some type, to completely attain in the conclusion on the tubing to really clean there. (I think Bathmate offer cleansing systems for the most pumps of theirs, though you are able to trendy one thing helpful in your own home a lot of cheaper.) Additionally, it includes an extra valve as well as valve cap (Basically, you are able to change the entire valve area, must it fail.) that stretches the lifetime of the pump 2 occasions over. Great.

Protection Information: The Hydromax x30 has a multitude of reliability guidelines. The mechanical implies you shouldn't be wearing the pump in case you are afflicted by cardiovascular or maybe lung disorders, high blood pressure levels, stroke, epilepsy or even convulsing condition, genital urinary problems, out of control diabetic issues, in case you're spending anti coagulants, have sickle cellular anaemia, bleeding problems, leukaemia or perhaps in case you don't have discomfort feelings within the genital region. You ought to additionally avoid using the pump for over 15/20 mins each time and also you shouldn't duplicate use within twenty four several hours.

Summary: The Hydromax x30 is an incredibly great penis pump. It's been created very well to permit outcomes that are remarkable while staying comfy throughout usage. The develop quality is excellent as well. The Hydromax x30 created remarkable modifications within both the girth and also the measurements of the penis of his. Additionally, it provided him much stronger erections (Most apparent after pumping.) and also heightened the awareness of his after usage. I'm unsure no matter whether it had been a lot more trust inside the pump, or maybe the pump itself operating it is secret, though the good friend of mine managed to observe modest raises every time he utilized it. While using computing gauge on the edge on the tubing, he recognized tiny boosts in deep duration, though I'm certain this won't begin permanently, and also within a bit of stage he is going to reach the restrict of his. The end result are extremely apparent as well as not one of us had been wanting SUCH a positive change. Nevertheless, the expansion, or even swelling, does vanish back again above period, before penis is about the typical size of its. In general, the Hydromax x30 actually pleased me and yes it definitely pleased the good friend of mine, whom experienced a bit of uncertain in the beginning, these days would like to utilize it nearly all many days. Most 3 individuals had in no way encountered a penis pump before, however the Hydromax has amazed each and every person individuals. I'd just hesitate about it, in case you experience with phimosis, penis soreness or even are bigger than seven in inside measurements or even have rather a big girth. (If you're bigger, go over the Hydromax x40.)

[cryptid-science]

Shadow People

They usually come at night. Maybe you're reading or watching TV or just lying in bed. He's most often a man, and may be wearing a hat or a hood. A lot of times you'll only catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of your eye, as he flits across the wall or disappears through a doorway. Sometimes he's just a shadow, a flat projection sliding across the wall or ceiling; but other times, especially in the dark when you least expect it, shadow people appear as a full-bodied black apparition, jet black like a void in the darkness itself, featureless but for their piercing empty eyes.

The foggy Santa Lucia Mountains run along the central coast of California, and for hundreds of years, the Chumash Indians and later residents have told of the Dark Watchers, shadowy hatted, caped figures who appear on ridges at twilight, only to fade away before your very eyes. A visit to the Internet reveals hundreds and hundreds of stories from people who saw shadow people in their homes, on websites such as shadowpeople.org, from-the-shadows.blogspot.com, and ghostweb.com:

I opened my eyes and looked towards the middle of the room. I saw a large shadow in the shape of a person. It had no facial features that I could see and it wasn't moving. It was just standing there looking at me... I blinked and then it was gone.

I felt like someone was watching me so I turned to look toward the hallway and there it was in the doorway... It was a black figure. I could only see from the torso up. I felt it was a male and could feel that it was looking at me... I started to walk towards it and it disappeared back into the room.

There, at the foot of my bed, was a tall dark figure like a shadow. It appeared to be almost 7 feet tall with broad shoulders and was wearing what seemed to be an old fashioned top hat and some sort of cape... I watched as it glided past me and out the door of my room.

Correction: Further research suggests that the Chumash did not necessarily have any legend that reasonably corresponds to the Dark Watchers, and thus this link is probably the invention of 20th century ghost story tellers. - BD

It goes without saying that skeptics have long-standing explanations that, from the comfort of your armchair, adequately rationalize all the stories of shadow people. These explanations run the gamut, all the way from mistaken identification of a real shadow from an actual person or object, to various causes of optical illusions or hallucinations like drugs or hypnogogic sleeping states, even simply lying and making up the story. I think that probably everyone would agree that these have all happened, and therefore they do explain some people's experiences. But here's a fact: Try to offer any of those explanations to someone telling you about a specific sighting, and it will likely be immediately shot down. "I was not asleep." "I know the difference between a regular shadow and what I saw." "What about my friend who saw it with me?"

The truth is that it's probably not possible to explain most sightings. If it was some mysterious supernatural noncorporeal being who flitted through the room, no evidence would remain, and thus there's nothing to test or study. It's so trivial to fake photos or video of something as vague as a shadow person that when these exist, they're interesting but practically worthless as far as empiricism goes. Only in the rare case where an actual physical cause can be found, and you're able to consistently reproduce the effect at the right location and the right time of day and in the right lighting conditions, are you able to provide a convincing explanation. Most of the rest of the time, all you have is conjecture and hypothesis, and the eyewitness is likely to reject these.

When I was a kid we once lived in a house where if you walked up the stairs and one of the upstairs bedroom doors was open a crack, you might see a flash of movement inside the room from the corner of your eye. I saw it a number of times, and other people in my family did too. I thought it looked like someone threw a colored sweatshirt across the room. But: I never saw it whenever I walked carefully up the stairs and kept my eyes on that crack; it only happened if you weren't looking right at it and weren't thinking about it. The more you learn about how the brain fills in data in your peripheral vision and blind spots, the less unexpected and strange this particular experience becomes. I have no useful evidence that anything unusual happened, and I have good information that can adequately explain what was perceived. I personally am not impressed enough to deem it worthy of further investigation, but others might be, and that's a supportable perspective. But unless and until some substantial discovery is made, the determination that it must have been a shadow person or ghost is ridiculous. Nothing supports that conclusion. And yet my story is at least as reliable as 99% of the shadow people stories out there. I was not on drugs, I know the difference between a shadow and what I saw, and other people saw it too.

Enthusiasts of the paranormal offer their own set of additional hypotheses about shadow people. One proposes that shadow people are the embodiments of actual people who are elsewhere but engaged in astral projection. This is not an acceptable hypothesis. Like shadow people themselves, astral projection is an untestable, undetectable, unprovable conjecture. Explaining one unknown with another unknown doesn't explain anything, and the match itself cannot be made, since neither phenomenon has any known properties that you could look at and say "What we know of shadow people is consistent with what we know of astral projection." We know nothing about either, so there's no logical basis for any connection.

The same can be said of another paranormal explanation for shadow people, that they are "interdimensional beings". Let's make an outrageous leap of logic and allow for the possibility that interdimensional beings exist. What characteristics would they have? How would we detect their presence? What level of interaction would they have? How would they affect visible light? Since these questions don't have answers, you can't correlate interdimensional beings to the known properties of shadow people. Neither one has any.

But there are phenomena to which we can correlate these stories. We know the details in the eyewitness accounts, and we know the psychological manifestations of conditions like hypnogogia and sleep paralysis. A hypnogogic hallucination is a vivid, lucid hallucination you experience while you're still falling asleep. You're susceptible again eight hours later when you're waking up, only now it's called hypnopompia. But this seems such a cynical, closed-minded reaction. When you suggest hypnogogia as a possible explanation to a person who has witnessed shadow people, many times their reaction will be understandably negative, if not outright hostile. "You're saying I'm crazy" or "You're saying I imagined it" are common replies. Hypnogogia is neither a mental illness nor imagination, and to dismiss it as either is to underestimate the incredible power of your own healthy brain. Too many people don't give their brains enough credit.

I had a dramatic demonstration of the power of hypnopompia — the waking up version — when I was about 10 years old. Early one morning, the characters from Sesame Street put on a show for me in the tree outside my bedroom window. It had music, theme songs, lighting cues and costume changes: A full elaborate production, and it lasted a good hour. To this day, I have clear memories of some of the acts. I even went and woke my parents to get them to watch, but by then the show had gone away. I knew for a fact that I hadn't been asleep. I'd been sitting up in bed and writing down some of the songs they sang. Those writings were real, on real paper, and even made sense when viewed in the light of day. It had been a completely lucid, physical experience for me. But it only existed inside my own brain in a hypnopompic state. My brain had composed music, performed the music, written lyrics, and sang them in silly voices for some director who must also have come from within me. The skits were good. The actors were rough-sewn muppets, independently moving and climbing about, even swinging through the swashbuckling number, on tree branches representing the lines of a great pirate ship. Yet through it all, I'd been conscious and upright enough to actively transcribe the lyrics. That's the power of a brain.

But many believers reject the idea that their brain has such capabilities, and instead conclude that any such perceptions can only be explained as visitations from supernatural entities. One such believer, Heidi Hollis, has gone on Coast to Coast AM radio a number of times with suggestions to defend yourself from shadow people:

Learn to let go of your fear.Stand your ground and deny them access to your person.Focus on positive thoughts.Use the name of Jesus to repel them.Keep a light on or envision light surrounding you.Bless your room with bottled spring water.

Interestingly enough, such actions may actually work (although it's not the techniques themselves that are responsible — plucking a chicken or beating a drum could work just as well, if you think it will). Sleep disorders in the form of disruptive episodes such as these are called parasomnias, and the primary treatments for parasomnias are relaxation techniques, counseling, proper exercise, and the basic lifestyle changes that contribute to better sleeping habits. True believers who reject any notion suggesting their experience was anything but a genuine visit from a supernatural being, but who apply any such remedies as Hollis suggests, do indeed have a good chance of finding relief, when the process of applying the remedy brings them some peace of mind. Even though these remedies are rarely going to be as effective as professionally guided treatment, the fact that they can sometimes work only reinforces the true believers' notion that the shadow person was in fact an interdimensional demon, and that sprinkling holy water around the room did in fact scare it away.

These experiences are weird, and can be scary. But they're also fascinating, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities to experience the true power of your brain. To conclude that it's a supernatural being is to rob yourself of the real wonder of what's probably happening. Fa

[jasondillisdead]

JDID’s Favourite records 2017

50. Brian Eno - Reflection   Although not the definitive version of Eno’s generative music, the permanent and impermanent formats of the most labored over conceptual kick of his career are both vital listens.This was the first record I heard in 2017 and was almost relieved how untenable it was, Eno’s been defending this position for years. Reflection is not the result, nor last chapter, just a tiny fragment.  

49. Godflesh - Post Self Post self is a flattened charred industrial record as all Godflesh records are but built on an idea that they had transcended what they had become. It succeeds - Post Self relies on a guitar sprawl so unique the way the ear navigates these tracks is indescribably different. It becomes a suffocating evil cousin of their ambient project Jesu.

48.  Aaron Dilloway - The Gag File  In 2017 Dilloway graced me with a track called “Karaoke with Cal” - anyone that knows or works with me know s the significance of that. If you don’t then all you need to know is that this record is the only one that legitimately creeped me out last year.

47. Tinariwen - Elwan

Elwan is little more than a beautiful extension of the middle eastern band’s meditative rounds they perfected on 2014's Emmaar but in current times it feels potent. Despite the band actually not being able to return to mali after being directly targeted by militants  Elwan is not as urgent, political or anything a band from the region with a strong western following could be. It makes a far more confronting point, this magic that is under threat from the current dangerous political and cultural climate closer to our increasingly nationalist western homes.

46. Talaboman - The Night Land  Perhaps deliberately designed not to overshadow the solo work work of either John Talabot or Axel Bowman, this collaborative album feels relaxed and Jam-session-like at face value which as a concept sounds appealing anyway. The pair have made an album that is so overtly welcoming to the point where spending copious amounts of time within it to discover each of the artist's sneaky signatures is really easy. When Talabot has been making us wait for years for a Fin follow-up there are plenty of moments here that tease what that could sound-like.

45. The Necks - Unfold   I first listened to the Australian improvisers expansive 19th (!) record whilst stuck in the Grampians preparing for a music festival whilst exhausted and sleeping in a tent. It seems to stretch on forever, Tony Bucks’ percussion refusing to stay still. It was one of those perfect place and time moments to experience a record. 

44. Tom Rogerson with Brian Eno - Finding Shore  High drama plays out the second you read that Eno has a second billing, yet alone when he starts to play with the composers piano shapes with lasers.

43. Chuck Johnson - Balsams  The pedal steel guitar has been a point of many emotive musical moments for me. It’s an instrument that seems to deal only in longing beauty. Chuck transformed that often fleeting feeling into an entire album of indulgent ambience.

42. Jenny Lin - Philip Glass: Complete Etudes for Piano  Glass wrote these classical vignettes to challenge him to learn, he later admitted the structure of some of them, especially the 11-20 movements, were beyond his grasp. Lin’s technical experience has injected new life into them via their most competent delivery yet.

41. Matthew Hayes - Indigo      Indigo is at first very disarming, a series of patient, calming exhales. Soon interwoven moments of intricacy, a voice here, a trickle of water there shape it into something that culminates explosively and joyously in relative terms by the final track. It’s a journey record that resets you and perfectly balances between melancholy and the quest for a more patient world. I listened to it a lot on my repeated plane rides from Melbourne to Adelaide. During the most capitalist points of my existence in 2017 it politely re-positioned my perspective on things.

40. Bicep - Bicep  The Field re purposed trance in a way that felt inexplicably sophisticated, in the same way these Bicep must be in on a joke, because they take the muscularity out of prog house and make it ephemeral.

39. Yves Tumor - Experiencing The Deposit of Faith The first track I heard in 2017 moments after midnight on new year's eve was Yves’ “Limerence” one that wasn’t on his acclaimed Serpent Music, my introduction to him a few months earlier. It blew me away. “Limerence” went on to be the centrepiece of PAN’s Mono No Aware and one of 2017’s most vital pieces of music. Yves has made the most of it. Experiencing the Deposit of Faith rides the feeling of that seminal track in varying directions.

38.  Khotin - New Tab A few years ago everyone either realised Macs were overpriced paper weights and acknowledged that functionalism is the future or became nostalgic for Window's 95. Although I hope it's the former I suspect it's the later fascinatingly, 22 years later windows operates not that differently but still looks like the future. You could say the same about the best mid 90's IDM I love so dearly and Khotin.

37. Visible Cloaks - Reassemblage The critical darling of experimental music in 2017, possibly with thanks to the hard work of their lauded mixes that landed a few years ago. I’m not sure it it actually re purposes Hiroshi Yoshimura’s music but it’s nod to it is convincing enough to be be received as sincere and at times beautiful homage to it.

36. Golden Retriever- Rotations  There’s an alluring bass clarinet (I think?!) that populates Rotations -an unusual instrument to use prolifically especially in a Neoclassical leaning piece of experimentalism but it codes rotations with its own unique sound. It’s a new language that is rooted in emotion, although very different it wants to be felt by as many people as possible. 

35. Rainforest Spiritual Enslavement - Ambient Black Magic

At the very least  Rainforest Spiritual Enslavement as a project wins best bullshit back story, a bunch of cassettes found in Port Moresby believed to be from missing christian missionaries, reissued in all their terror. I was a fan from the get go but possibly due to Fernow’s prolific 2017 workflow this is the best shape the project has been in since its inception. 

34. Actress - AZD

Due to his bizarrely complex modes of operation every time I listen to a new Actress album I wonder if it actually is him or an imitator, it takes a few spins for things to line up again.  This didn't happen with AZD, a capital B Black afro futurist techno record that is the true spiritual successor to 2012's rightly lauded  R.I.P. - a record he threatened never to make.

33. Shabazz Palaces - Quazarz vs. The Jealous Machines/Born On a Gangster Star This epic double album streamlines Ishmael's sound into a distilled, aggressive but typically cosmic assault on America. Although this might be the easiest Shabazz Palaces album to digest, the music still forms a wonderfully alien ELM laced world where emotionless voices become percussive ghosts dancing around swamps of alien synths. 

32. Lee Gamble - Mnestic Pressure Apparently political, Mnestic Pressure’s finest point is the maze like way you need to train yourself to listen to it and extract full reward. It’s more psychological than political to me but maybe the point is they’re not so far apart.

31. Four Tet - New Energy   The insane popularity Kieran Hebden experienced at the turn of last decade seemed to throw him. New Energy finally scratched an itch for his magic I hadn’t had satisfied since Rounds. 

30. Moon Diagrams - Lifetime of Love  Lifetime of Love is a particularly weird, aching piece of ambient electronica.  Torn between a hypnotic ambiguous drawl of his Geographic North peers and his band's early ambient psych pop monuments, Deerhunter's Moses John Archuleta has made something here that is a rhythmic buffer from the catharsis of his day job. 

29. Forest Swords - Compassion  Barnes's latest offering as Forest Swords creates a vibrant maximalist voyage by narrowing the occasional kitsch musings of his previous album and blasting the important and unique aspects of his project into full scale widescreen stuff.

28. Cologne Tape - Welt Magazine's finest assemble for a homage to German music that although oddly eclectic is full of purpose and resolve. Magazine once again proves a safe haven for artists like Jens-Uwe Beyer and The Field to experiment outside their comfort zones, making me very happy.

27. Rafael Anton Irisarri - The Shameless Years  Although not his finest, Irisarri’s latest is a real grower by one of the ambient masters that rewards repeated listens and like his best can still suspend a Sunday afternoon in pure weightlessness.

26. Japanese Breakfast - Soft Sounds From Another Planet  Michelle Zauner's smoldering sophomore record was originally intended as a science fiction concept album. It never quite became that but a strange dystopian shade is cast over it. It's as if she made it 50 years in the future in mid western America, past its prime remembering its past. 

25. Strategy - The Infinity File  

Jefre Cantu Ledesma's excellent 2016 release on Geographic North meant more people than usual pointed their heads at the direction of the label. They didn’t waste the opportunity to capitalise on the attention, TIF is a genre hugging tape loop record running in the lineage of Basinski that beatlessly flirts with idea that this is music that can make you move.   

24. Shannhet - So Numb

Bordering on classical in its grandeur, So Numb is the ambient metal titans at full wingspan. An austere and almost comically epic record, they understand like few others the grace and beauty required to pull something like this off.

23. Avey Tare - Eucalyptus  Anco’s Meeting of the Waters was the return of a sound I felt had long cease to exist, an early 2000's ambient record with folk-pop song gems hidden inside. Eucalyptus is  the realization of those songs in broad daylight. Its stunning lucid dream state at its best it sounds like a sister album to Deakin's Sleep Cycle, or even Spirit. 

22. Juju and Jordash - Sis - Boom- Bah  The idea of improvisation in techno normally lends to a sloppiness but these two have worked together so closely over the last decade that this record scans as each predicting the other’s next move. Impulsive yet perfectly refined.

21.  Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - The French Press Quite possibly the most unfathomably fully formed guitar band since The Walkmen and about the only indie rock record I cared about this year.

20. Jefre Cantu Ledesma - On The Echoing Green  For the third year running the noise maniac has outdone himself. This ventures closer to shoegaze and song structure than anything he's released before and wonderfully for noise heads and MBV fans alike, pulls it off.  

19. Richard Dawson - Peasant  Peasant is sort of halfway between the absurdity of modern day Scott Walker and the somber beauty of prime time Nick Drake. It’s the most confounding record I heard all year. He plays the guitar like a 7 year old snapping at a nylon string but does it so intricately that it feels like there’s no other way to play the instrument. It also simply must be noted that for me there was also no better song than “Beggar” in 2017. 

18. Call Super -  Arpo I heavily underappreciated the depths that Joe could mine, he’s always been able to flick his music around just enough that it becomes genreless but the LP format give it time to crystallize in a way that is a lot less messy and much more rewarding. 

17. Just Neighbors - Being where I Thought I'd Be 

Being where I thought I'd be could be the best math album since Mutiny on the bounty's IMAX epic, Digital Tropics. Just Neighbors is the counterpoint to the record that out battlesd battles, a patient neighborhood band that know their limitations millimeter perfectly and simply coast through a near perfect suburban album like a  lost cousin of American Football. 

16. Kettenkarussell - Insecurity Guard  Giegling may be the first label to become a glorified electronic music meme. Insecurity Guard is virtually impossible to get a hold of digitally and if you want a physical copy you have to pay, big. The problem that seems to encourage this ostentatious behaviour is the music is somehow gorgeous enough to justify at least some of it. That last track is on some serious BOC shit. 

15. Forest Walker - UV Sea  Constilation Tatsu have always had an astoundingly consistent output of soundcloud ambience  but this tape from Oakland's Forest Walker is the next step above. UV Sea is an enveloping wave of humming machines and perfectly measured, piano that melt together. Ambient bliss of the finest order.

14. Ahnnu- Special Forces  I’ve been a massive Ahnnu fan since Battered Sphinx but always seem to overlook the LA surrealist when writing these dumb lists, his music is timelessly expressive and fascinating, Special Forces is yet another record to ad to his ludicrously high standards of experimentation. 

13. Mount Kimbie - Love What Survives Mount Kimbie were once ambassadors for a sound I really loved that only seemed to really exist in 2010-11 before it was consumed by pop culture and somehow became something different. James Blake is a pub singer playing stadiums now. Love What Survives rescues some of that sound but also offers a nerdist offering of their fascination with the MS-20 - one of my favourite synths.

12. William Basinski - A Shadow In Time Many debate the legitimacy of the connection between Basinski's Disintegration Loops to 9/11. On his first work that has actively engaged with the same technique since that career defining legacy, he crafts music that shifts over essentially large scales with new techniques to further unravel his difficult relationship with tragedy. It further homes in (and perhaps justifies) the most lauded conceptual framework of the his career. The two pieces introduce violent acts around the 6 minute mark, like a real marked event, by the distant end of the track's twentieth minute it's hard to remember what the pieces were like before fate reared its head.

11. Varg - Nordic Flora Series Pt. 3: Gore-Tex City   Varg takes contemporary popular music culture, purist independent ambient techno and our self perception in the digital age, irony and steely purpose and compresses it to a dense singular point. Then he boasts on instagram about how easy it was to make on his ipad. This is your reality, are you flying business class?

10. Albrecht La'Brooy - Escape Velocity  As with much of the Melbourne duo’s work Escape Velocity is yet another place making exercise but this time one that is interpretive and cosmic bound. Their previous records relied on personal experiences and recordings to supplement their sometimes astoundingly intricate soundscapes, this proved that they can project that same romance to places they could only dream of going without diminishing any of their music’s power. 

9. PAN - Mono No Aware Mono No Aware strikes a balance that few label comps could ever dream of, and feels as important as Artificial Intelligence must have. The record is an incredible distilled snapshot of the way ambient music operates within the music of today, eclectic enough to keep you on your toes and yet captures a beautiful static and very specific mood. The thought that has gone into this is immeasurable, it doesn't read as a collection as much as a modern ambient classic.

8. Baths - Romaplasm 

Born from the 2010’s era where poptimism and independent music were still distinctly separated, Bath’s masterful third full length gave me hope that there is still a pop utopia hiding in the queer underground.

7. Bing and Ruth - No Home Of The Mind Composer David Moore's neoclassical drone opus is waves upon waves of arpeggiated chords and shuddering, gut wrenching bass tones executed with mathematical, classical and emotional precision. Very few can do this type of thing.

6. Bjork - Utopia Utopia has been unfairly labelled Bjork’s “Happy Album,” unsurprisingly it’s far more complex than that. Bjork has become the perfect catalyst to bring out the best in Arca, strangely she grounds him but also manages to paint these surreal collages that are both “happy” and also somehow skin crawlingly weird. Their second meeting has resulted in my favourite Bjork album since Vespertine.

5. Shinichi Atobe - From the Heart, It's A Start, A Work Of Art The mysterious chain reaction expat has been pulled out of hiding revealing a plethora of stunning technoscapes, Atobe crafts three dimensional loops that weave in and out of each other with no beginning nor end. His distinctly Japanese sensibility puts him squarely in a lineage of greats like Rei Harakami Susumu Yokota and the beyond legendary Hiroshi Yoshimura who plucked the impossible out of the most simple of electronic constructions. There is something desperately elemental about it, as though he's trying to expose what it means to be human.

4. King Krule - The Ooz One hailed as the new voice of our generation, I never saw Archy as more than a modest fad, an english kid with a guitar and a deep voice. I’m very happy to be wrong, The Ooz is an incredible jazz fused odyssey and nothing sounds quite like it. Marshall plays with perception of the English language, bone shattering bass and quirky and brash areas of a lengthy album that open up into gorgeous interludes. His voice is one thing - and still notable - but his abilities as a producer and a lyricist are where things have become incredibly interesting. He’s getting a lot of attention right now and he deserves every bit of it and you don’t need me to tell you. 

3. Bibio - Phantom Brickworks  Phantom Brickworks borrows from just about every corner of modern ambient you could imagine. Basinski’s disintegration techniques, Glass’s repetition, GAS’s hiss, Eno’s placemaking melodies, this list goes on. What’s so absolutely remarkable about this is how an established artist who has never operated in this field has made such a convincing and beautiful masterpiece out of recycled ideas.

2. Skee Mask - Skee Series - ISS001 - 2012 / ISS002 After last year's already canonical Shred, The peerless German returns with a series gorgeously realised, ungodly pieces of ambiguous IDM. Both EP’s were razor sharp, bold statements from a producer with absolutely nothing to prove at this point. He has an LP on the way in 2018, repent sins, the messiah might be here.  

1. GAS - Narkopop Full disclaimer: I regularly regard GAS’s 2000 record Pop as my favourite of all time to the point where I once wrote an entire book about it. Wolfgang Voigt has done a lot since then including building one of the most important techno labels ever in Kompakt and continued to explore ambient avenues, but never returned under the GAS name. Myself and others started to loudly wonder if he ever would, or more importantly if he still could make this music. Pop perfected the formula he had been testing in the mid nineties, it sounded like the universe breathing, it gave new meaning to existing. The conclusion was always simple: Why would he?

Eyes fixed on the future, when Wolfgang brought back GAS for a fleeting remix of The Field a few years ago it felt unimportant but also opened up the possibility that he may not be done with the name. He had ever so slightly tarnished Pop’s perfect full stop. 17 years after Pop he’s exhaled another opus over the decades that does the GAS name justice and reinstates his god given right to walk away from it. One thing to readily note here is this record is certainly not Pop 2.0 as the title may suggest. Narkopop's new unstable nature brings fascinating, readily consumable answers to the question of where he planned to take us as well as obligatory nods to Konigsfrost and Zauberberg in overwhelming ecstatic waves of classical music. Narkopop is anything but nostalgia, it presents itself as a stunning individual entry into this once seemingly sealed vault. Gone are the naturalistic running streams of Pop’s opening three tracks, replaced by human voices on 3, horrifying militaristic drums on 5 and most strikingly, blindingly gorgeous piano fills, clear as day on 6. Its meaning was quickly clear.   Narkopop feels heavier than Pop ever did. It’s a velvety record, luxurious even but where Pop felt like it could have been accidentally made by the forest, Narkopop is undeniably the result of fingers on buttons and keys. Pop would never have let a human made piano fill enter the frame yet alone a voice. 17 years later perhaps Voigt can no longer achieve such feats, what’s more likely is he is trying to tell us that the world has gotten to the point where it won’t let him. Once a vision into the surreal side of nature, Narkopop seems to point the project somewhere it has never faced, nor needed to - the human condition required to program it. Not so strangely 2017 felt like the right year for him to do it and for me it was the best record of the strange year by a mile. 

[terramythos]

Review: Authority (The Southern Reach #2) by Jeff Vandermeer (REREAD)

Genre/Tags: Speculative Fiction, Science Fiction, Mystery, Horror, Spy Thriller (deconstruction), Cosmic Horror, Psychological Horror, Diverse Cast, Third-Person, Strong Characterization, Unreliable Narrator, Fragmented Narrative, Foreshadowing, Weird

Length: 340 pages.

Warning(s): Body horror near the end. Altered mind states are still a theme, but approached differently in this entry. Drug use. This one is probably the least graphic of the trilogy.

My Rating: 4 / 5

**Minor Spoilers and My Thoughts Follow**

---

The border had come down in the early morning, on a day, a date, that no one outside the Southern Reach remembered or commemorated. Just that one inexplicable event had killed an estimated fifteen hundred people. How did you factor ghosts into any terroir? Did they deepen the flavor, or did they make things dry, chalky, irreconcilable? The taste in Control’s mouth was bitter.

My Summary: 

Area X is an anomaly-- an eerie, pristine wilderness that appeared thirty years ago along a stretch of coast, killing everyone inside. Dozens of expeditions have been sent into it, all ending in death or failure. Annihilation, the previous book, followed one such expedition. This book leads off from there.

John “Control” Rodriguez is a disgraced special agent, assigned as director of the Southern Reach, the clandestine organization that oversees Area X. His mission is to uncover what has gone wrong in the increasingly hostile, underfunded organization. The previous director-- the psychologist in Annihilation-- has disappeared and is presumed dead. Control attempts to discover what she knew and what, if anything, can be done about the threat across the border.

Complicating matters-- three of the members of Annihilation’s expedition have returned, but something about them seems off. Control finds himself fascinated by the biologist, who denies her identity and calls herself Ghost Bird. Ever present, permeating throughout the novel, is Area X… and the sense that something is very, very wrong.

The Good:

Vandermeer takes full advantage of the new protagonist to offer a new perspective on the story. Whereas the biologist in Annihilation is terrible at reading others, Control’s backstory as an interrogator often brings in interesting insights-- even if he’s sometimes incorrect. 

Tying into this, characterization-- which was my only real complaint about Annihilation (and even then, only for side characters)-- is much stronger. You learn a lot about Control, his family, and the workers at the Southern Reach, and they’re all distinctive and interesting people.

The genre shift between this and the previous book is a sticking point to some, but I actually quite like it. Whereas Annihilation is more Silent Hill, this is more Twin Peaks. It deconstructs the “spy thriller” genre in interesting ways. Horror is still present, but it’s not as overpowering. It’s also necessary because it serves as a more “normal” baseline so readers can see just how unsettling Area X really is.

While the horror is less emphasized, this book contains two of the most potent horror scenes in the whole trilogy. The video of the first expedition made me lose sleep (really), and the transition between parts 3 and 4 is some End of Evangelion shit. I know I’m comparing this to a lot of other things, but that’s actually high praise from me. 

Control’s Latino identity is a big part of his character which felt… nice? The novel discusses his encounters with racism and microaggressions throughout his career, as well as discuss his family’s past in detail. The cast is quite diverse and all the characters are well-rounded. 

I liked the narrative style of this one. It’s very… fragmented, for lack of a better word. A scene plays out, ends, and we go to the next scene. But then another part of the previous scene cuts in for a paragraph or two. This is something that I imagine was hard to pull off without seeming clunky, but here it flows well. And it’s not just a gimmick; there are thematic reasons it fits. 

Foreshadowing. It’s a little more subtle in this entry, but I had a lot of “oh god dammit” moments upon a reread. 

There are several nice twists in this one, and it drops some early (almost nonchalantly), while others build up over a long time. They add a lot of depth to the story and the trilogy as a whole. 

One of the coolest arcs in the series is the character of Cynthia-- also known as the main (human) antagonist of the first book. Authority reveals who she really is, and it turns out she’s… really fucking important? Her real arc begins here and continues through Acceptance. I find it really cool that a “throwaway” character from Annihilation has such a huge impact on the story AND all the necessary setup was there to pull it off without making it too obvious.

The Neutral:

Control is above-average in terms of protagonists. Despite this, he’s probably the least interesting one of this series. It’s not really his fault-- Acceptance introduces not one but three fascinating new protagonists. It’s really hard to compete with them. His overall series arc feels less defined and satisfying compared to the other four, which doesn’t help.

The Bad:

I really hate to say it but… this book needs about 50-100 fewer pages. It’s much longer than Annihilation. That’s not bad, but the pacing doesn’t justify the extra length enough. While every scene serves a purpose, there are many that could have been combined, or ideas could have been introduced in other places. I found it hard to remember where certain parts were because they could have taken place anywhere, which isn’t a great feeling. The book is very well-written (every line means something), but I think even a 50 page trim would make it a better read.

Overall:

Well, based on my review of Annihilation, you probably already know this is my favorite horror series. And you can also probably tell, based on this review, that I like this book the least. To be fair, though, Annihilation and Acceptance are absolutely brilliant pieces of fiction, so this “good” piece of fiction pales in comparison. I also have a rough time with second books in trilogies, so your experience may be much different than mine.

Authority has some great elements, and I mean it when I say that despite my complaints, it’s a great read. It’s not an easy read by any means because there are so many layers to it. So it’s a book to savor as you work through it. If you find something strange or confusing, there’s almost always an explanation later in the series… which makes it an entertaining re-read. It expands on Area X, which was one of the big things I wanted more of. And while Area X itself doesn’t show up as much (at least tangibly), that just makes the transition back to it in Acceptance all the more gutwrenching.

Please read this series if you love horror. It’s a unique concept with brilliant execution. This book may slow you down if you’re like me, but trust me when I say Acceptance is worth the patience.