#sirius’ reaction to regulus’ death

[asmo-d3us]

angsty & regulus’ death || the letter sirius received from his brother || part 2 of 8

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~*Sirius Black*~

“Drink the tea, darling, it’ll help with the headache.” Euphemia cooed, bringing over a cup of Chamomile tea and placing it in front of her second son. Sirius thanked her with a nod, picking up the cup and bringing it to his chapped lips. James hasn’t been talking to him ever since what happened with Regulus, so because of the cold shoulder he had been getting, he had packed his bags and went to Effie’s and Monty’s house. This had given him some very unwelcome nostalgia and deja-vu.

He chugged the cup in three gulps—to Euphemia’s dismay—and placed the teacup back on its saucer. He placed his head in his left hand, the other fiddling with the handle of the cup. He hadn’t spoken to Remus in a while, it made him realize how much he missed his boyfriend. He nearly smiled at the thought, but then remembered his brother, and he frowned again.

He had a pile of letters sent from Regulus, and Sirius being the stubborn mule he is, he hadn’t read any of them. Remus had told him he must one day, and sadly—Sirius knows this. His relationship with his brother hadn’t been good, not at all, and he wishes his stupidity hadn’t brought them here, yet it did. And it was too late to change that. But was it actually? Maybe he would have the chance to reconnect with his brother. The chances were slim, but not impossible.

He continued fiddling with the empty cup, closing his eyes as the pain in his temples slowly began to fade away. The feeling of the war going on had numbed him. He can’t feel anything now-a-days.

Sirius’ eyes snapped open when hearing a loud thump. He lifted his head, and saw that his now-empty cup had been replaced with a letter. It was upside down, so Sirius didn’t manage to see the address. Monty sat down next to him at the circle shaped table with a huff, ruffling the newspaper in his hands and sliding his glasses down his forehead and onto his nose.

“Who’s it from?” He asked, his eyes not leaving The Daily Prophet. “That owl wouldn’t leave me alone until I untied it.” Sirius sniffled (it was cold in the house—it made him uneasy), and shrugged sluggishly, “No clue. I’ll read it later.” It’s most likely from Regulus. Those words were left unspoken.

Euphemia placed herself gracefully on the other side of Sirius, her own cup of tea in her hands. She smiled at him, and he couldn’t resist smiling back. “Is your head better, dearie?” She hummed, grabbing his hand and rubbing her thumb on his skin in a motherly fashion. It brought him comfort, yet the feeling would always be replaced with guilt after remembering Regulus.

Somehow, maybe it was because of her motherly instincts, Sirius had no clue, she sensed his thoughts. Her gaze wandered down to the upside down letter, and she sipped from her cup, her warm touch still on his hand, and he let her. Effie kicked Monty’s leg under the table and he yelped, dropping the paper from his hands. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he grinned at her sheepishly. Sirius watched this exchange.

She beckoned her head towards Sirius, staring into her husband’s eyes, and he immediately understood. You see, Sirius always craved the advice from a father figure and the love from a mother figure, and both parents had been using this fact to make sure Sirius was more comfortable and more open with them. Monty’s eyes widened with realization and he nodded before grabbing his paper again and leaning back against his seat, a serious expression slipping onto his face, and Sirius barely held back his laughter, his head still in his hand.

“Son, why don’t you read those letters? I’m sure your body will allow some form of worry to let go. And hey, maybe you could reply back to him.” Fleamont spoke smartly, his eyes staring into Sirius’, though instead of Orion’s deadly and disappointed glare, it was a soft and caring one. Sirius sniffed again, and this time he didn’t know if it was from the cold or from uprising emotions in him.

“Darling, perhaps you should! It’ll be good for you.” Effie hummed, having finished her tea. Sirius shrugged, now placing his head in both his hands and rubbing the heels of his palms against his eyes. “I d’know, i’m scared.” He mumbled, and there was silence. He thought that perhaps they had left, or he had annoyed them, but all of a sudden he felt a warm embrace. It was Euphemia.

He felt a few warm tears slip down his cheeks, and he didn’t swipe them away. He let himself be engulfed in the parental hug he so desperately needed, and right when she pulled away she placed her hands on his shoulders. “Go read those letters, they might be from James, or from Remus.” She teased, and Sirius blushed with a laugh, thanking her for not mentioning who it most likely was.

He stood up, smiling when Effie slid in his former seat and right next to her husband. Monty smiled at him and with one nudge of his head, Sirius turned around with the letter in hand, and walked to his room. He closed the door behind him, and sat down on his bed. He stared down at the letter, and hesitantly flipped it around, expecting it to be perhaps James with an apology, but he froze. Was it from his parents instead? It was their address, but the writing…this was definitely from Regulus.

He shuddered, gripped onto the all-too-familiar green wax and tore open the envelope. Pulling out the paper inside, he noticed the dried splotches of tears on the letter, and his ‘protective brother’ act immediately flipped to the on button. His brows furrowed as he unfolded the letter with a sharp inhale of breath, and he read.

______________________

08/01/79

To my protector,

If you have received this letter, I am dead. I have told Kreacher to send out all of my letters if I don’t make it back. In all honesty, I always knew I wouldn’t make it back, but I foolishly kept my hopes up. I kept my hopes up that if I went on just a day longer, things would change. But they didn’t. To make sure you read this letter, even if you neglect all the others, I have sent an owl to accompany it and bring it to the receiver.

I will never forget the bond we had as kids, and I hope you never forget them either. I’m sorry that things have turned out this way, and I apologize for not being a brother like James. apologize for not being the little sister you had, and for wishing to be a man. Yet at the end of the day, you have chosen James. I don’t blame you, Sirius. James is an amazing person, and he’s a better choice than I would ever be.

Do you remember when we were kids, we broke our mother’s vase? I remember I was the one that broke it, not you, yet you protected me from the wrath of our mother. You knew she would’ve Crucio’d you, yet you protected me anyway. Because that’s just what you do, Sirius, you protect and that’s the way you love. That’s what I love most about you.

I forgive you for leaving me. Normally, I would never tell a single soul that I forgive you, that I send you letters, that I still love you, but considering my corpse will be underwater, there’s no reason to keep up my facade. I know my death will impact you strongly, because I know without a doubt that you still do love me.

Sirius, please don’t go too hard on James, nothing is his fault. I was the one who had made the first move, and it’s not that I was playing him no not at all, I loved him Siri. I loved him so much, and I always will. I’ll always be in love with him. He was my soulmate. I know that he’s still in love with Lily, and I hope they get together and continue their family line, filled with love. It’ll hurt seeing them together, but the pain will go away eventually.

I guess I should come clean about everything, should I? In our years at Hogwarts, I had joined Remus’ and Lily’s study group, and we had become close friends. I never admitted that I liked being with Lily, but now I will. I understand why James loves her, because I caught myself loving her too.

I have just one request Sirius, don’t judge anyone else for the house they’re put in. And when you see my friends in public anytime, respect them as they respect you. That’s my only wish before I die. I want to see the people I love most showing respect to each other in some way or another.

Never forget who I was, and never forget what I have tried to do. I am not on the Dark Lord’s side, nor am I alongside The Order. I am my own person, with separate beliefs. They’re both bad guys, Sirius. I have a feeling it won’t be long before I see you again after death.

I love you, brother. Maybe in another life we’ll be able to grow old together with the love of our lives. Maybe in another life we’ll understand each other, and there won’t be any stereotypes placed smack-dab in the middle of our foreheads. I face death with the hope that you will all live a long and healthy life, and if not, I fill myself with yet another foolish hope that when we all die, we’ll be reunited.

Tell our story brother, and don’t be ashamed.

R.A.B

______________________

He rose up from his bed, expression like stone but his eyes filled with the gaze of agony. His brother was dead. That’s it. His brother is fucking dead.

He held back his broken cries, stormed over to his closet, and began to rummage around for his luggage. When finding it, he placed it on his bed, opened it with two soft clicks, and began shoving random clothes into it. Euphemia barged into the room without a knock, having heard the ruckus and wanting to see if everything was alright. “Sirius?” She hesitated, staring at him as he ran back and forth around the room, stuffing a shoe in his bag and leaving the other pair in the closet.

“Sirius!” She yelled with an exasperated tone, crossing her arms. “Yes?” Sirius replied, his voice dry and cracking with held back tears. Almost immediately, her eyes softened and she uncrossed her arms. “Oh darling, what happened?”

“THIS!” He roared, his eyes welling up with burning hot tears, and his heart shattering by the second. He shoved the letter in her hands and continued packing. “This.” He mumbled, disbelievingly.

Her eyes surveyed the letter, and her gaze changed from confusion to shock, and then she was suddenly crying. Sirius couldn’t handle seeing her cry. “Oh!” She sobbed, approaching Sirius and wrapping him in her arms. He shut his eyes, not hugging her back. “Oh, I’m so sorry love, I’m so sorry poor boy!”

He sniffled, managing to hold back the volcano of tears waiting to burst. He pulled away from her, going back to packing but this time he did it calmly. “Is there anything I can do for you? Where are you going?”

“James.” He spoke, his nose clogged. Effie nodded her head, patting his back, “is there anything you need at all?”

He stopped, not facing her. “I want to be left alone.” He spoke after a few moments, and she nodded, stepping out of the room. Sirius heard her sobbing to Monty as his voice began to raise with concern and shock. They loved Regulus, so much. He continued packing, and finally closed his luggage, walking out of his room and down the hall, ignoring the calls of Fleamont, and fleeing out of the house.

Halfway through his walk, he realized that he could’ve taken the floo, but it didn’t matter now did it? His brother was dead. He shouldn’t be complaining about a 30 minute walk. His brother is dead. The disbelief was still there.

He knew exactly why he was going to James’ house and not Remus’. It was because 1, it was his house too and 2, James had a history with Regulus, and Sirius wonders if he received a letter too. He’s pretty sure he did.

Finally reaching the house, he noticed the lights were on, and he wondered what sight would be awaiting him when the door opened. He harshly banged his fists against the wood, feeling his heart’s rapid pumping accelerate. The door finally swung open, and he was greeted with the sight of a tired James, freshly cried, eyes puffy, lips bleeding and chapped, weak and stumbling, and Sirius didn’t know if it was from what he had just seen or from keeping in his emotions for so long, but he broke.

He let out a choked sob, taking a step forward and falling apart in James’ hands. Their grips were strong against each other, trying to keep each other steady, but it wasn’t really working. He could tell James was holding himself back, and it made Sirius feel like shit. Feel like shit that James can’t even cry in front of him when his boyfriend is dead. Or, well, his ex-boyfriend thanks to Sirius himself.

“Let it out Prongs, I know it hurts.” He mumbled, hiccuping in his cries. James let out a gasp of air, and then he began to cry. They hugged each other, the grief and the pain in their souls intertwining into one. It was so cold. And Sirius knew it wasn’t from the weather.

After a while of crying and hugging, Sirius spoke, “Di-did you get a letter t-too?” He cringed at his stutter, keeping his eyes closed because he couldn’t really face reality at the moment. He felt James’ slow nod into his black hair (the height difference always bothered him) and the confirmation of what he had been thinking caused another wave of salty droplets to flow out of the tear-ducts in his eyes. They embraced tighter.

Sirius’ knees seemed to buckle, both of the boys falling down to the floor. They didn’t mind. The floor was cold, stable, it felt no different than the state of their hearts. The ravenette will admit, while hugging James he did imagine it was his brother. It was a bit therapeutic actually. It helped, because he knew Regulus had hugged James’ body before. Many times.

They eventually sat down on the couch, still huddled together, and exchanged letters. Seeing the true way Regulus loved James was gut-wrenching enough that the grief, the torture, and the loss made their way inside of his soul for the remainder of his life. It made its little home there, in the dark crevices of Sirius’ spirit. Then—so suddenly and yet so loudly—there was another avalanche of loud knocks against the door.

13 years later, Sirius Black was ashamed.

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[calamitoustide]

it finally got cold and waiting room is playing thinking about choices wanna read choices so bad in decemeber im gonna have to fight every single day not to open it again like you guys don't even know how bad of a sickness this fic gives me

[maxdibert]

hi! i saw in one of your posts you wrote about how Sirius Black had no reason to bully Snape and i thought about it…..i mean doesn't his hatred seem too personal? we have Lupin who has no contact with Snape after book 3 but Sirius goes crazy when Snape is around and they are alone so he can attack him (kitchen scene in book 5). and he knows so much about him: who he hung out with at school, his relationship with Lucius; at the same time he doesn't know about the mark, about how Severus was the one who brought the prophecy to voldemort that led to Lily and James death. and yes he is stuck at age 21 but even then they graduated school and as he says they never heard of Snape in those years. It seems a bit odd: don't bullies usually try to downplay their role in what they did to the victim, or even try to make it look like nothing happened? And he and Remus try to do that with Harry, but at the same time he seems incredibly proud and pleased with himself when he talks about the prank. One moment confused me when I was reading book 3: when Sirius has Peter at gunpoint with his wand, he is extremely focused on him. He doesn't take his eyes off him, because it was for this moment, the act of revenge, that he escaped from prison. As far as I remember, Harry describes it as "nothing could distract him at that moment" or something like that. But as soon as Remus even mentions Snape, Sirius' attention suddenly switches: he turns away from Peter and asks about him again. Or when he watches Snape during the OWL exams??? Especially when Rowling describes his reaction after the exam, when he sees him under the tree, as the reaction of a dog to a rabbit. He seems so obsessed and like something happened between them that really got to him. Or he's just as intolerant of half-bloods as his family. I completely agree with you that Sirius bullied Snape simply because James did it and he found it funny. But his hatred seems excessive, he has no reason to hate Snape so much. James has his excuse about Lily, but Sirius has none of that. But he still tries to kill him and it doesn't really matter hides, lol. I've read an opinion that he hates him because of his unrequited feelings for James, where Severus is the reason James even noticed Lily, which I don't really agree with, to be honest. Sorry, it got too long, ahaha. What I want to ask is: do you have any thoughts on this?

Well, the explanation for his relationships at school is quite simple because Sirius doesn’t leave home until he’s 16. Considering that his brother goes to Slytherin and that Narcissa is his cousin, it’s not strange to deduce that Snape’s name, along with other Slytherin students, probably came up at some family dinner/lunch/meeting. Like, talking about who in Regulus and Sirius’ year might have ‘potential,’ for example. It seems coherent to me that, considering Sirius’ environment until he leaves to live with the Potters, he’d be aware of certain things.

Leaving that aside, let’s talk about Sirius Black, because I think in recent years the Marauders fandom has ruined this character, and he’s actually a character with a lot of depth. Or at least more than many others in the saga.

(This is gonna ne so fucking long lol)

Sirius is a posh kid. He’s a posh kid who is embarrassed about being posh and feels guilty about it. He’s the typical rich kid from a conservative family who’s had issues with his mom (in this case) and his way of getting back at everything he felt was missing from his childhood is to vehemently oppose everything he thinks she represents. And the funniest part is that (as is often the case) his problem with his mom is that they both have a terrible character, which is why they clash. Because Sirius has the kind of terrible character that is incompatible with anyone else who has the same terrible character. But despite everything, he’s still a posh kid. Because he comes from an aristocratic family and was raised with those values of superiority. Because he’s never had to fend for himself (he leaves home but goes to another rich family, the Potters, and on top of that, his uncle Alphard leaves him his entire inheritance, so he has plenty of money) and he has always enjoyed the privilege of his surname, his blood status, and the fact that he’s (according to Rowling) super handsome. In other words, Sirius belongs to the ruling class and behaves with the same arrogance, entitlement, and lack of empathy that is typical of that class. No matter how much he tries to deny it and distance himself from it, he can only do so on a superficial level (Muggle posters, being a Gryffindor, enchanting a Muggle motorcycle) because when it comes down to it, he has no idea how to deconstruct himself, nor is he interested in giving up or losing his privileges, because he’s quite comfortable with them. He’s like the typical aristocratic kid from an Opus Dei family who thinks he’s better than everyone around him because he votes for the left and has been to four protests, but at the end of the day, he still lives a bourgeois life and doesn’t understand the root of social problems.

That said, let’s move on to James.

I think James was everything Sirius wanted to be. No, not be, I think James had everything Sirius wanted to have: loving parents, a family that wasn’t involved in a cult, a pleasant environment that allowed him to do whatever he wanted instead of being constrained by traditions and social norms, liberal and progressive ideals… James had the life Sirius had always wanted, but with one key detail: he was also rich and from an old, prestigious family. This is super important because when Sirius chooses his rebellion partner, he doesn’t pick some random Muggle-born, or a half-blood, or someone from the middle or lower class. Sirius chooses as his best friend someone who embodies everything he wants to be/have, but who at the same time belongs to his same social stratum, both economically and in blood status. Sirius chooses a future Gryffindor rebel with very different ideas from his family, but ironically he chooses like anyone from his family would: someone with money, status, and power. And I find this super amusing because it’s so coherent with his character. I mean, if Sirius were a real person, he would’ve done the same thing because guys like him are like that: the kings of cognitive dissonance and double standards.

Sirius always wanted James’ validation, or at least that’s how I see it. I think for him, feeling that James approved of what he did was a way to legitimize himself as someone different from his family. James represented the “progressive” social elite that Sirius aspired to by rejecting the traditional values imposed on him. So, unconsciously, he understood that if he did everything James wanted, and I’ll go further, everything he thought James would like, then he would distance himself from that Black image and gain validation as something entirely opposite. The problem is that Sirius, unlike James, was raised in an environment where ethical and moral values were very different, and where it was clearly established that certain people were “the other,” an “other” sociologically understood as the idea that some humans are inherently less than others. And although Sirius consciously rejected this idea, unconsciously he had been raised with it. Therefore, consciously, he didn’t reject people based on their blood status because he could identify that as something his family would do, and family = bad. But unconsciously, he was conditioned to see other people as non-people, and this is where Severus comes into play.

James dislikes Severus because he sees him as an obstacle/threat/nuisance in his crush on Lily. By default, and because of that constant need for validation from James, Sirius also focuses on him as a hostile element. And if he’s hostile to James, who in a way is his moral compass, then that guy must be trash because, of course, it’s obvious. But not only that, this guy is also a half-blood and poor, so poor he wears old clothes. And on top of that, he’s ugly. And not very masculine. So he has all the elements for Sirius, the aristocrat raised in luxury under the premise that he’s better than others because of his origins, to see him as “the other” and exercise all his power and privilege to oppress him without remorse, because for him, it’s justified. Justified unconsciously by the education he received, and consciously because if James hates him, there must be a good reason to hate him, so everything is justified. If we add to that the fact that Severus desires everything Sirius has always tried to reject: more social status, more recognition, power, belonging to Slytherin, rubbing shoulders with important wizards, forgetting the Muggle world he grew up in… well, we have a molotov cocktail for him to make Severus’ life unbearable. And Severus is an easy target for someone like school-age Sirius Black: he has no friends, no surname, no parents to protect him, and no stable socio-economic situation. Sirius can project all his frustrations onto him without any consequences. He can completely dehumanize him and stop seeing him as a person. He can behave like a Black.

I think the Prank is a good example to see the difference in upbringing between Sirius and James. Both are bullies, both are abusers, both have zero remorse when it comes to using their status and power to make life impossible for those they believe deserve it. But James was raised in an environment where he knows that actions have consequences, that you can’t cross “certain lines,” such as murder, for example. Sirius was taught the opposite—he was raised to think that the life of “the other” holds no value, and that is something that in his story with Severus goes too far. James understands that death is something serious and can bring terrible consequences, while Sirius does not. For the Black family, death is nothing if there is a reason for the person to die, and Sirius has his own reasons for playing with Severus’ life the way Bellatrix would play with the life of any Muggle-born.

(This is something I really like as well—the way Sirius and Bellatrix are fundamentally alike, and how little that’s discussed. But I’ll leave that for another time, otherwise I won’t finish.)

I don’t think it’s a matter of Sirius being obsessed with Snape, but rather that, for all the reasons I’ve explained, he uses Severus as a catalyst for his repressed anger and that sadism he inherited from his family. He can’t channel it toward anyone else because that would lead to absolute rejection from James. Since James hates and despises Severus, he’s never going to question Sirius for channeling all his pent-up rage on him, so it’s a free pass. If he had reached that level of sadism with someone who didn’t provoke the same level of animosity in James as Severus did, he would have risked confronting his biggest fear: that James would see him as a Black, not as Sirius. Losing his validation as the black sheep to become just another one of them. So he focuses on Severus because it’s a safe bet.

Moving on to their relationship during the book canon…

We don’t really see a proper confrontation until the fifth book. I mean, in the third, it shows that Sirius still sees Severus as “other” by dragging him along while unconsciously banging his head. In the fourth, there’s that scene where Dumbledore forces them to shake hands, and it’s clear they still hate each other. But it’s not until the fifth book that we get a real confrontation, where Sirius loses his temper. I think this has a lot to do with (drumroll) once again that cognitive dissonance between what Sirius always wanted to be and what he actually is, especially given the role he plays on the chessboard at that point in the story.

Sirius did everything he could to distance himself from his family, and the climax of that was joining the Order of the Phoenix and actively fighting against that same family, several members of whom were “soldiers” for the opposite side. Sirius is finally achieving what he wants—to be a hero. To stop being part of the elite dark villains and instead be part of the heroic elite. The noble of high birth who fights valiantly for the good of the realm, just as James was destined to be. It’s the climax, the absolute fulfillment of his adolescent desire. But then he’s thrown into Azkaban, and when he gets out, he finds that the poor, weird kid addicted to dark arts, who sucked up to future dark wizards, who hung out with purists and even joined the “bad side”—the side of Sirius’ family, the villains—is now the most important member of the Order. He’s none other than Dumbledore’s right hand. He’s a double agent risking his neck every day and has more responsibility than anyone else. That kid Sirius called Snivellus for being a crybaby has more guts and more endurance than most people. The one who always wanted to be part of the elite Sirius hated is now the one playing them all, making them look like idiots. The one who looked frail and effeminate turns out to be more “manly.” And that hurts. That hurts a lot. You go to prison, and when you get out, the person you didn’t even consider a person not only ranks above you, but is playing in a league you can’t aspire to. And the best part is, Sirius can’t fully accept it because he’s still Sirius—a classist, privileged aristocrat incapable of accepting that (as is only logical) the poor working-class kid turned out to be far more useful than him in both politics and war.

To me, it’s poetic justice.

[poeticallyspiteful]

hiii! could you please write a regulus black x potter! reader? maybe something like reg and reader secretly going out and getting discovered by James?

thank you!! have an amazing day 💗💗

his muse (pt. one)

regulus black x reader

fluff / angst

cw: unedited as always 😌, a sex joke but it’s a titanic reference lol, marauders being overprotective, kissing, cuddling, someone may threaten to pull out someone’s teeth and put them on a necklace (it seemed like a very regulus threat), artist!regulus because 🥰

summary: you’re the honorary little sister of the infamous marauders; what happens when they catch you with a certain someone?

notes: hey love, thank you so much for the request!! just so you know, i don’t like to write readers to be related to another character, because i want my readers be able to relate to the ‘reader character’ without altering their preferred fancast for another one based on things like race or ethnicity. that is totally on me for not putting that in my request post and i will do that asap, but i hope you enjoy this anyway <33

more notes: i did get just a tad bit carried away and decided to divide this request into two parts, just to make it less overwhelming for me and y’all as well. anyways, enjoy <333

“oh reggie, paint me like one of your french girls,” you giggled, draping yourself dramatically across regulus’ pristine sheets.

he looked up from his sketchbook, brow furrowed in a way that made you want to kiss him until you both passed out from lack of oxygen.

god, you loved him.

“what?” he asked.

“nothing.”

evan and barty had both left the slytherin dorms, off to some place or another, giving you the perfect opportunity for some alone time with your lovely boyfriend. you’ve made sure to do this at least once a week since you started dating in your fourth year. now that you’ve reached sixth year, the tradition had only grown more cherished; precious were the moments spent with someone you’d been otherwise forbidden to see.

“he’s dangerous, (y/n),” sirius insisted, only just finished with his dramatic act of fake vomiting. you had made the grave mistake of assuming your friend would have a normal reaction upon hearing who had asked you to the yule ball.

“a slytherin, (y/n), how could you?” james moaned, collapsing onto the auto-man like he was faint in the heart. “you have been my little sister all my life—”

“you met me when you were twelve and we are not related,” you corrected.

james feigned offense. “how dare you question our bond? blood does not matter! we are family and that is that, young lady.”

“leave her alone, the both of you,” remus laughed, throwing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you to his chest. “our little girl had to grow up someday.”

sirius looked appalled. “not with my bastard, slimy, death eater of a brother—”

“he’s not a death eater, we’re fourteen!” you exclaimed, pouting dramatically at the older boy. “just one dance, i promise padfoot, if it’s that weird to you, i’ll never see him again.”

you lied.

sunlight peaked in through the curtains, the golden rays hitting regulus in such a way that made him look angelic. so focused on his sketchbook, glancing up every few moments to gaze at you like you were something to be revered.

you sat up in his bed, fiddling with the hem of his sweater that lay around your mid thighs; though you loved to, you rarely got the opportunity to wear reggie’s clothes, given sirius would recognize them in an instant. so, you took advantage of these moments whenever they came your way.

you loved wrapping yourself in the soft, strong, warm smell of him: minty cologne, sea salt, and pine trees. the scent was practically woven in the fabric, making everything feel so much softer, so much more him.

you did have a couple shirts and sweaters you’d stolen over the years, but they remained in your dorm at all times.

well, mostly.

it was a moment of stupidity. a dreary saturday morning, a hogsmeade trip, and you had slept in. naturally, you had to rush out of your dorm to get to breakfast in time; but, you didn’t need to change, did you?

why not wear the sweater you had slept in and save yourself a little time?

so, after changing into more appropriate pants, you made your way down the breakfast and sat in your regular spot; in between remus and james, and smack dab across from sirius.

he noticed his brothers favorite sweater the second you sat down.

“what’s that?”

you’d barely sat down by the time sirius spoke and continued making your morning coffee as the group grew silent around you. finally looking up, you glanced between your friends in confusion.

“what’s what?”

you lifted your sleeve to rub your nose, breathing in quickly through your stuffed up sinuses; stupid fall allergies.

you froze as the familiar sent cooled your insides, eyes darting over to the slytherin table across the great hall.

oh.

that’s ‘what’s what’.

“who’s jumper is that, (y/n)?” james asked, arm draping over your shoulders to tug the sleeve on the other side. “doesn’t look like one of mine—”

“or mine,” sirius chimed.

“or mine,” peter chirped, though you hardly stole borrowed his sweaters anyways (too scratchy).

“it’s mine!”

you were surprised to hear remus’ leap to your defense, as you knew damn well the sweater wrapped around you wasn’t his— still, you weren’t about to question it.

“mhm,” you hummed, taking a sip of your coffee, hoping the boys didn’t notice your shaking hands. “i don’t know what all that third degree was about, but i stole this from moony a month ago.”

“what’re you thinking about, lovely?”

regulus was suddenly just inches away from you, sketchbook tossed to the side, instead opting to look at his muse more close up.

“nothing,” you mumbled, smiling as he dipped down to kiss your collarbone, working his way up to your lips with featherlight kisses that made you wish you could stay with him forever.

though at this point, everything he did made you wish you could stay with him forever.

“you’re beautiful,” he whispered, eyes scanning every curve and point of your face like a work of art; his work of art, his muse.

he’ll never get tired of that word.

you breathed in deeply, the smell of him practically making you glow like some sort of protection charm; you’d never felt safer than you did with regulus near. you felt untouchable with him, like nothing could ever hurt you.

“what are you doing here?”

lovely.

a grating voice to disrupt your already terrible day.

“hey,” severus called. “i’m talking to you.”

you spun around, glaring at the greasy haired boy across from you with as much contempt at you could muster. “piss off, severus!” you shouted; you’d never bit back like this before, but the shocked look on his face was worth it. “really, cornering a younger student in an empty hallway? pretty cowardly, don’t you think?”

before you could debate the consequences of your actions, severus’ hand was gripping your cloaks and you were shoved up against the wall.

“you filthy little—”

just as quick as snapes hands were on you, they’d been torn off, and you scrunched to the ground. regulus shoved him up to the wall opposite you.

“defending your little mudblood, huh?”

“shut your filthy mouth about her or i swear on merlins grave, i will rip every single one of your teeth out and put them on a necklace like a string of fucking pearls,” regulus bit, baring his teeth like an emphasis to the threat. “you got that?”

that night, you ended up in a very similar position to where you were in now; wrapped up in your lovely boyfriends sweater, curled in his arms, and having sweet nothings whispered in your ear.

“y’know, i mean it when i say you are beautiful,” he muttered, pressing a kiss to your temple as he spoke, breath fanning over your face. it tickled, but you didn’t care; you just wanted to hear his voice. “breathtakingly gorgeous, inside and out.”

“really?” you teased, nuzzling your nose further into his chest, arms wrapped around his torso.

“really,” he laughed. “i could stay like this forever.”

you pouted, pulling yourself half on top of him. “but my daft friends just have to get in the way, don’t they?”

you hear a gasp from the doorway.

“did you just call us daft?”

[ellecdc]

could we get cbbh the first time sirius and reader are alone after the victory? i feel like in the rush of everything and with suddenly becoming parents, any real reaction they might’ve had to it finally being over would have to be pushed down and away. i just imagine remus or someone taking draco carefully from their arms and saying “go rest. go process.”

CW: don't read this if you haven't finished our Marauders Come Back, Be Here Series - this one shot contains spoilers and will ruin the fic if you plan on reading it. some angst, hurt/comfort, implied PTSD and a scared hopelessness which is combatted by gentle encouragement and care. fear of what's happened and cautious hope for the future

CBBH Sirius Black x Vix!reader who take a moment to process the end of the war [1.2k words]

The November wind howled outside of 12 Grimmauld Place as Sirius shut the door behind you and Draco; Remus, Lily, James with Harry in his arms all turning to give you a sad smile that ended up being more of a grimace, though Harry - sweet Harry - still had his ever present smile on his face. 

“That was…that was nice.” Remus tried then, helping Lily out of her jacket so she could take Harry from James, allowing him to take off his own. “It was a nice funeral, I think.” 

“I’ve not been to a whole lot.” Lily admitted quietly then. “With the war…there were so many deaths but… not many funerals.” 

James hummed at that. “Mum and Dad’s…that was a nice funeral.” He offered quietly, smiling shyly at Sirius who offered him a wide, watery smile in return, though it fell quickly. 

“I…I don’t even know what to say.” Sirius continued. “Like…what now? What- what do we do?” 

“Now,” Regulus drawled as he walked into the room, eyes on you as he held his arms out for Draco who reached for him willingly, “you breathe.” 

“What?” You rasped, though if Regulus noticed you hesitate relinquishing your hold on Dra- your son, he didn’t mention it. “Where are you going?”

At the sound of your panic, both Remus and Sirius reached for you; a hand on your shoulder and your waist respectively. 

“I’m going to put Draco down for a nap.” Regulus explained calmly. “And you’re going to go breathe.”

“But-”

“Hey, love.” Sirius interrupted, pulling you closer to him. “Maybe that’d be good, hm?”

“I think you two have a lot to catch up on.” Remus offered then with a kind smile, and you pretended not to notice the pitying look your oldest friend was giving you. 

Regulus had since left the entryway, but Sirius continued standing with you as the rest of the family vacated. 

“Do you want me to go get him, Vix?” Sirius murmured then. “Regulus didn’t mean any harm by it.” 

“I know.” You whispered back.

“Do you want me to go get him?” 

You thought about it; really thought about it. You’re not even sure how many days it’s been since you found yourself at the Potter’s Cottage in Godric’s Hollow. It felt like both a lifetime ago and yesterday that you rediscovered the people who meant the world to you. It’s been….months of fighting for your life…

“Vix?” Sirius whispered, gently wrapping his arm further around you to pull you in closer. “You okay?”

“No.” You answered. “I- yes, I mean yeah. I’m okay. We…we can leave him, Draco- I think. Right?” 

If Sirius was bothered by your nervous rambling, he didn’t show it. Instead, he pressed a chaste kiss to your temple before leading you towards the staircase by the small of your back. 

The two of you changed in silence; you, hiding in the closet with the door closed (but not entirely), shame coursing through your being at not feeling entirely comfortable around the one person who would do just about anything to keep you safe, and he, having no such inhibitions, stripping fully naked in what was supposed to be your room but quickly became your shared room. 

Out of your funeral clothes and into something a touch more comfortable, you joined him at the foot of the bed, perching yourself on the edge and listening to the wind whip past your window. 

“Hardly even two weeks ago,” Sirius started softly; face pointed straight forward as he stared out unseeingly at Grimmauld Place, “you…were gone. You were dead. I- I was trying to figure out how to get by without you and then…”

You huffed out a breath as he found his words.

“-and then you fell out of the fucking sky and-”

“And then we found out one of your greatest, oldest friends was in on a plot to kill us all.” You continued for him.

“And then I lost you again.” 

“And then you played dragon slayer.” You teased, mustering up the best smile you could manage, and it seemed that Sirius, for his part, was grateful for it. 

“We became parents,” he added, now looking at you as his eyes seemed to search yours for something, “a week ago…we somehow ended up with a child.”

“I failed her.” You whispered then, and Sirius stiffened as he fully turned his body towards you.

“What? Vix, no. How could you even say that?”

“She saved me, Pads and I…I failed her I couldn’t- I couldn’t even return the favour.” 

“Y/N…”

“Everything that happened, everything that I lived through, I-” you paused, rubbing your lips together as you searched for the words. “I always told myself…there was a purpose for it all, you know? I…I thought that… I could get through it because I had to, because I was trying to help, I was trying to save people.” 

Sirius allowed that to sit in the air as you took over watching the cars pass by on the street below you. “I feel like I failed.”

“You didn’t fail, love.” Sirius insisted. “Of course you didn’t.”

“But-”

“Narcissa died protecting her son.” He pressed. “She saved you, that’s true, but that didn’t kill her. Bellatrix did.” 

You listened to the wind and the sound of Sirius’ hand rubbing up and down your back. “I owe her a great deal, Siri.” 

Sirius let out a long sigh before pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “I think you’re already paying her back, Vix. I owe her everything too, you know. I…she saved the most important thing in her life, but she also saved the most important thing in mine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t tell you to be sorry.” He offered gently as he shook his head, lifting one hand to brush a few strands from your forehead. “But you’ve spent the past nearly half a year trying to save the world on your own. I just don’t want you to think you’re doing it on your own anymore, or that you have to ever again.” 

You nodded, but you must not have seemed convinced enough for Sirius.

“You spent so long surviving, and mostly on the behalf of everyone else. The world is yours now, Vix; maybe now you can live again. We both can.”

“I… I’m not sure I know how to live in this world anymore. I don’t know what to do with all this hurt.” You admitted slowly; feeling the weight of the words as they left your lips, speaking them without even having realised you were thinking them. 

“Then we’ll learn.” Sirius decided, words both determined yet gentle as he took your hand in both of his. “Together, yeah? We can learn how to live in this world - hurt and all - together?” 

You looked at him then; grey eyes pooling with hope and determination that felt so familiar coming from him. Like Sirius was incapable of feeling anything but hope and determination, like it was simply his baseline. 

And because he seemed to be so sure, so certain, so confident in his decision, you couldn’t help but share some confidence in him in turn. 

“Okay.” You agreed then, and something very warm and comfortable bloomed in your chest at the slow, almost shy smile that grew across his face.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You agreed then with more sincerity. “As long as it’s together.”

His smile fell so soft as he lifted a gentle hand to pull your lip from between your teeth with his thumb. “I’d have it no other way, Vix.”

[cherryslyce]

Second Son (I) | Regulus Black

Series Synopsis: Forbidden from contacting Harry over the summer, you opt to explore the eerie halls of Grimmauld Place where you stumble upon a lonely portrait of the House's second son.

Part II / Series Masterlist

Pairing: Regulus Black x Gender Neutral Reader

Notes: Not canon compliant, cursing, Kreacher is a little shit

Following the sudden death of Cedric Diggory months before, the magical world flipped on its nose. The Daily Prophet pumped out towers of articles denouncing The Boy Who Lived, dubbing Harry as The Boy Who Lied.

Clever. Seriously, people actually subscribe to read that shit?

Surprisingly, Dumbledore forbid any form of contact with Harry during the summer--Hermione and Ron threw quite the fit after receiving the news. The most unsurprising reaction came from the ex-convict himself, Sirius Black.

Azkaban somehow became even less appealing after having to sit through his meltdown at the dinner table.

Who knew dementors could twist your spirit so far as to make petulant meltdowns a regular occurrence.

If his word was anything to go by, he got the better end of the deal compared to his murderous, psychopathic cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange.

Entirely reassuring.

The inability to rant to Harry via letters, deal with Ron's whining, engage Hermione in her tangents, or sit around Sirius left you with no choice but to venture around on your own.

There was virtually no chance of running into anybody but the twins (who seriously needed their apparating privileges revoked) on your little escapade.

The hallways were dusty and suffocating from the sheer amount of unkempt gothic vintage furniture lining the perimeter. While an uncanny atmosphere of suffering blanketed every centimeter of the walls.

Wandering aimlessly, a sudden pulse of magic combined with your reckless compulsion steers your attention towards a tall, black door. The crystal door knob was dull in the dim light, the keyhole and backing rusting with age.

Clearly, no one has gone into the room in years--decades, even.

The room was located on the third floor of the house, far away from the bedrooms the Weasleys were sleeping in and even farther away from the restless master of the house (who was pacing like a maniac in the kitchen for the nth hour straight).

What's the worse that can happen?

Famous last words (Harry's impulsivity was definitely rubbing off on you).

The door put up quite a fight when you tried to twist the knob, creaking in protest before finally giving way as you pushed with your entire body.

You stumbled in, nearly choking on the cloud of dust that danced up into the air with your ever so graceful entrance. Taking a look around, you came to one conclusion.

The room was utterly boring.

Boxes lined nearly every inch of the floor, the wallpaper peeling and dragging down the walls, and the small window across the room was clouded by dirt. A lone ray of light illuminated a small black dresser table against the wall. Curiously, you carefully weaved around the boxes on the floor and padded towards the dresser.

Just as you reached to pull one of the drawers open, an unsettling prickle ran down your spine. Instinctively grasping at your wand, you spun around only to be met with the opposite wall and more dust.

Quickly scanning the room again, your breath caught in your throat as you locked eyes with a pair of narrowed ones.

It was a bloody portrait.

“Who are you? Who let you in here?”

The boy in the painting seemed only a few years older than you with pin-straight posture and sharp features to match. His voice echoed with firmness, a voice that seemed used to commanding respect and attention.

But Merlin and Morgana…he was divine. So divine that even Draco Malfoy would lose his composure if someone this attractive showed up at Hogwarts.

“No one...I'm no one. Who are you? You look…er-familiar.”

Your last words came out as more of a question as you slowly drank up every detail of his features.

The boy’s eyes narrowed further into a glare, seemingly starting to become irate with your dodgy answer. Before he could retort, a familiar pop sounded through the room and before you could even comprehend what was happening, a familiar house elf was barreling through the boxes and dropping in front of the portrait.

“Master Regulus! Kreacher has failed you! Disgraceful Master Sirius has stolen everything! Oh my poor Mistress!”

The boy seemed taken aback by the sudden intrusion and the rather emotional outburst from Kreacher.

Seriously, could portraits take that many steps back?

Watching for a few more moments with wide eyes, it seemed that nothing the boy was saying was registering to the inconsolable elf.

Going to give the elf and Regulus some privacy, you scampered away and closed the door with much effort and an audible huff.

As you started walking away, a sudden bang nearly snatched your soul out of your body. Spinning around, confusion washed over you as Kreacher struggled to clamber off of the worn carpet, a disgruntled noise echoing around the hall.

Kreacher had just flew into the wall. Did the elf lose some screws and try to become a part of the bloody wallpaper?

“Kreacher? What happened?!”

Before the snippy elf could reply, loud footsteps pounded nearby and a disheveled Sirius bounded up from the staircase, shooting a look of mixed disbelief and contempt at his elf.

“What the hell?! Kreacher what are you doing?! You can’t just leave when I’m telling you to do something!”

Feeling, again, like an intruder to a conversation, you shuffled against the wall and towards the stairs as the house elf snarled at the older man, briefly eyeing you with confusion. Raising your eyebrows, you watch as the elf shoots glances behind him towards the room before popping away from a screaming Sirius.

Rolling your eyes, you say a silent farewell to the mysterious room only to notice the door was no longer there. The area where the door should have been was replaced with nothing more than peeling wall and a dusty wall lamp.

Did you just hallucinate the last 10 minutes of your life?

Apparently not. A few days had passed since your strange encounter with Regulus Black in the disappearing storage room, and you had somehow gained the undivided attention of Kreacher.

It seemed the barmy elf held some newfound admiration for you since you somehow reunited him with the young master he actually liked.

You were nose-deep in a book about Ancient Property Magic from the Black Library when the elf hesitantly approached you.

"Kreacher has a question for the young blood-traitor."

What a punk.

Placing the book off to the side, you rub the bridge of your nose in exasperation.

How did Hermione go on for hours reading in these conditions?

All the words were blending together and your eyes stung from all the damn dust in the house.

"Hello Kreacher. What do you need?"

"How did the young blood-traitor find Master Regulus? Kreacher doesn't know how Master Regulus is here...Kreacher has failed...Master Sirius is a lawless traitor undeserving--"

"Woah! Okay...while I am not too sure about how exactly I found that room. I suppose it is a good thing you have such er--apprehensions about Sirius. I don't think he would appreciate me breaking into one of the rooms here."

Which was entirely true.

Sirius was off his rocker. The combination of being away from his godson, listening to his mother screech every morning, and having to deal with Molly fussing over everyone was working him up the wall.

You felt almost bad for not telling Sirius about Regulus, but he had plenty on his plate and it felt nice to have something to yourself--your own little summer secret.

Granted, it was more accurate to describe it as a dead-pureblood-heir summer quest. Though, not as weird as giving a troll brain damage in your first year at Hogwarts.

Suddenly, you had a great idea.

"Hey Kreacher, want to go exploring with me?"

The house elf was skeptical for most of your trek upstairs, and he looked positively gleeful when you managed to somehow summon the secret door.

Apparently, Kreacher was magically expelled from the room the moment you left. So you were somehow the key to accessing the missing Young Master.

Before you could even caution the elf or come up with a speech for Regulus, the little thing was already flying for the door knob.

"You are back."

Regulus looked all but the same, except more tired than suspicious this time around.

"Yes. I hope you don't mind that I'm here. I have brought Kreacher as an olive branch to show that I am of no threat."

The boy's eyes flicker towards the unusually silent elf, and then pierces you again. Something akin to amusement danced in his eyes and you were almost offended.

You were no Harry Potter, but you weren't magically inept.

"Answer my question from last time. Who are you?"

"My name is Y/N. I don't know how or why this room exists, and it doesn't seem like Sirius has any knowledge of it. But from the looks of it, I'm the only one who can find this room."

"Sirius? He is alive then?"

Your lip quirks at the remark and you turn your gaze to the ceiling, "Yes, but he isn't quite himself".

"What?"

"Azkaban tends to have that effect."

"What?"

"You've missed a lot, Regulus. Like a lot. You're different from what I've heard though, pleasantly so. After all you haven't called me a foul, loathsome blood traitor. Nor have you tried to preach blood purity to me yet."

Regulus considers you for a few moments, eyes imperceptibly running over your expression. It is only for the briefest moment that you see something comparable to respect shine in his eyes.

Kreacher shifts uncomfortably and looked ready to butthead you, but Regulus interrupts the sudden blanket of silence.

"Kreacher, could you give us some privacy?"

The elf looked ready to vehemently protest in a manner similar to how he denies Sirius, but seemed to remember that he actually gave a flying handle about Regulus‘ opinion of him.

"If you wish, Master Regulus. Kreacher will be outside."

The elf pops away and you turn to maintain steady eye contact with the boy, becoming more intrigued with every passing second.

"You are right. I haven't tried to indoctrinate you or denounce your beliefs. I have been here for a long blur of time. I have had the space to formulate my own thoughts and opinions."

"Oh? A death eater finding salvation and seeing the light. Of course it'd be a feat only achievable through death."

"You speak as though we--they are still at large. Are there still death eaters around?" The disbelief flickering across his face spurred you to entertain him with an answer despite your former apprehension towards him.

"Yes. Many are well and alive. Lucius Malfoy prides himself in being able to circumvent the law and maintain his job in the Ministry despite his allegiance to the Dark Lord. Not that it will do him any good. From what I can deduce, the Dark Lord is not very forgiving."

Regulus looks like he's been suckerpunched in the gut, grimacing at every word that passes through your lips.

"You are right. Lucius will be punished for his treachery. I had hoped that the world would be rid of the Dark Lord after my death."

Confusion passes through you in waves as an indecipherable emotion mars his face.

So he wasn't a valiant supporter of the Dark Lord? Then it would seem the rumors that he was killed by the Dark Lord or his followers have some credibility.

"Well, the Dark Lord was gone, so to speak, for a while at least. It is only as of a few months ago did he come back in full form."

"I see."

"You don't seem surprised. Well, he killed one of my friends and traumatized my best friend so I hope you'll give me permission to wring his neck."

"You're quite vulgar."

"I am a saint compared to your brother, and my vulgarity is very much justified."

Regulus hums in understanding and you could almost see a miniscule smile stretching at his lips.

"Well, for your sake, I hope you never have to come face to face with the Dark Lord."

"I don't have much of a choice, he's been trying to eviscerate my friends and I since we were 11."

"Ah...well it would appear that you are to join me in the afterlife soon then."

"You'd like that wouldn't you? But I have no plans on dying anytime soon."

"Shame."

"Sod off. You're fine on your own...right?"

Dumb question, the man is literally stuck inside a painting in an abandoned secret room.

"It does get a bit lonely. But it is only the punishment for my sins."

"Well, I think you're quite swell. So don't worry, I have the whole entire summer to bother you. Think of it as an added layer of punishment."

"If you insist." His words conveyed exasperation, but the boyish smile that lit up his face told you a completely different story.

You couldn't help but admire his expression, committing it to memory because you were sure that his smiles were a rarity.

Pretty.

Wow. You were absolutely screwed.

[bri-cheeses]

Evan’s busy reaching across the bar for a couple of drinks, arm outstretched and easy smile on his face, when Regulus walks up next to him.

“Two butterbeers, please,” Regulus nods to the bartender.

Evan turns his head in surprise, clearly not expecting to have been followed. “I was getting you guys drinks, you know. You didn’t have to get up.”

“Yeah, I know. But I needed a bit of a break from all… that.” Regulus tilts his head towards a booth in the corner, indicating the chaos currently taking place there. He’s just escaped the aftermath of Barty attempting to flirt with Remus just to make Sirius mad, which has not ended well. Just like Barty intended. Honestly, Regulus doesn’t know why he puts up with him.

Regulus opens his mouth to continue, feeling somewhat hesitant. He’s not sure how Evan will react to what he’s about say, but he’s going to try anyways. “And also because I wanted to ask you something in private. Or at least, away from them.”

“Hold on,” Evan replies. The bartender’s just handed him his drinks, and he’s trying to find a way to carry them. “Okay, carry on.”

Regulus doesn’t waste any time. “You’re in love with Barty.”

Evan doesn’t look up from the drinks, not giving Regulus’s accusation even a slight reaction. “That wasn’t much of a question, Reg.”

If Regulus didn’t know better, he’d say Evan was completely unbothered by this whole situation. But he does know better, and Evan’s completely straight face as he fiddles with the glasses is a dead giveaway.

“You’re not going to deny it?” He’s genuinely curious. It’s unlike Evan to not, at the very least, try to avoid answering directly.

“Why would I? It’s the truth, and I know you’re not going to tell him.”

“But you’re not really the type of person to be okay with… sharing this sort of thing.”

Evan looks up now, small smile making its way to his face. “No, I’m usually not. But honestly it’s been going on so long that it’s more trouble than it’s worth to keep it hidden. From you, at least.”

“I—” he pauses, not entirely sure what to do with that. “How long has this been a thing?”

“Oh, about…” Evan squints, as if he can look back in time and pinpoint the exact moment it started. “Five years now?”

“Five years?”

“Don’t sound so surprised, Reg.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because it’s really not that out of character for me.”

Evan flashes another smile and makes to leave, but Regulus blurts out, “Why haven’t you done anything about it? If it’s been so long?”

Evan glances over at their booth. Regulus follows his gaze, where Barty is now gesturing wildly with his hands in what is probably an attempt to avoid death at Sirius’s hands.

“Because,” Evan says, still looking at Barty, “it would ruin our relationship.”

He sounds so resigned to the fact that Regulus’s heart clenches. He feels like a bad friend. He had no idea, absolutely none, that Evan had been feeling this way for such a long time. “You can’t know that.”

Evan looks back at him, amused expression on his face as he asks, “Can’t I? It’s Barty; even if he did feel the same way—which he doesn’t—he would never be able to let himself commit to a relationship. The fear and discomfort would eat him alive. You know that.”

Regulus does, in fact, know that. But it doesn’t stop him from wanting to fix this, somehow. From wanting to try to get Evan to fight for a chance, at the very least. “But you’re Evan. There used to be be bets about when you guys would finally sort out your shit and start going out.”

Evan blinks, clearly not having known that.

“And it wasn’t because people knew you were in love with him—hell, I didn’t even know that—it was because of the way you both look at and act around each other. And I know that you’re too smart to have not noticed any of that, Evan.”

“Well. Maybe. But that’s also just who he is. He looks at practically everyone like that, acts like that with everyone. So you can stand there and tell me that I’m special, but I’m always going to see that for what it is. A lie, Regulus. And I don’t need you to lie to me. This whole thing is already bad enough already, I don’t need you adding to it, too.”

“But—”

“Don’t, Regulus. Just don’t.”

Regulus changes tactics. “How can you stand it?”

Evan gives a sad smile. “Like you said; I’m Evan. I’m always going to be in love with him, no matter what he does, really. And he’s Barty, so he’s going to do a lot of shit. But that’s just the way things are, I suppose.”

“So you’re just going to let him shatter your heart and stomp all over it?”

Evan smiles bitterly. “He’s been doing that for years, Reg. You’re a bit late to the game.”

Regulus hates this, hates Evan’s defeated tone and tired eyes. “How are you just so calm about this? Don’t you hate it?”

Evan considers that. “I did, for a while. I spent a long, long time hating it. But it only cost me energy I couldn’t afford to lose, and it didn’t change anything in the end.”

And there’s not a lot Regulus can say in response to that, so instead he eyes Evan: the regretful smile, the sad slump of his shoulders, and the way his body is subconsciously turned towards Barty, even now. “Are you… going to be okay?”

“Of course, Reg, why would you even ask?” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “This is just the hand life has dealt me. I’m used to it by now. You might as well get used to it, too. Nothing’s going to change between Barty and me.”

And with that, he shoulders past Regulus, drinks in hand. And Regulus watches him go, unable to unsee how painfully in love Evan is. He watches the way Barty’s entire face lights up when he sees Evan, he watches the soft smile Evan gives Barty in return, and he prays to anyone who’s listening that Evan will turn out to be wrong.

[veritas-scribblings]

constellation - @jegulus-microfic - words: 1,135

[in-universe: welcome, night, safe, more and then devour | takes place after ' devour'.]

Sometimes, Regulus goes to the roof.

Euphemia worries about him falling. Though well kept, the roof of the Potter home is slated and slightly slippery, but Regulus manoeuvres his way across it with ease. He likes to come up here at night, James has noticed. Sometimes, Regulus will lay on his back to watch the stars. Sometimes he will sit on the roof and read by wand light.

Sirius had done this quite often in the early days when he had first run away from Grimmauld Place. He would go to the roof and lay on his back and he would try to find himself in the stars. And sometimes, James knows, he would try to find Regulus as well. Because no matter how much he had denied it, Sirius always carried Regulus with him, and with that came the guilt of leaving him behind.

Like brother, like brother, James supposes.

One night in April, during the Easter break of his seventh year, James makes his way to the alcove on the second floor of his home and pries the window open to climb onto the roof and find Regulus. It’s a clear Spring night and Regulus will be star-gazing, as he is always visible in the night sky this time of year.

James climbs through the alcove window and onto the roof. He is making his way to the shed-dormer where he knows Regulus will be when he hears Regulus’s voice. That crisp, curtness that always makes James feel a little weak in his knees, that melts him from the inside out.

‘If you’re here to tell me that I can’t see him,’ Regulus is saying, ‘then you can fuck right off. James and I are between James and I and have nothing to do with you.’

James tries to duck down, but out on the open on the roof, there’s nothing to properly conceal him. Instead, he crouches awkwardly and hopes that Sirius and Regulus don’t notice him. And that he doesn’t fall to his death. It would be a humiliating way to die: trying to hide from his…boyfriend? love interest? previous paramour? The boy who has stolen and run away with his heart?

Sitting on the flat part of the roof next to Regulus, Sirius narrows his eyes. He’s a little uneasy about the height without the security of a broomstick, James knows, but still doing his best to hide it. ‘You sneaking around with my best friend has everything to do with me, you absolute little shit. So firstly, fuck you for snogging by best friend behind my back.’

Regulus turns to look at Sirius so quickly that James worries he’s going to roll off and plummet to his death. ‘Snogging? What makes you think that all we did was snog?’ Regulus says this so dangerously low that James knows he’s trying to goad Sirius into a reaction.

James can’t help but feel weak in a different sort of way; he hasn’t yet worked out if Sirius is mad with him. After everything had come out into the open—and after Sirius had threatened to skin him alive and hang his flayed flesh on the walls of Grimmauld Place—Sirius had barely said a word to him. The entire train ride home, Sirius had simply frozen him out.

Sirius turns away from Regulus, snorting. For a moment, he looks up at the stars hanging high above them. 

‘James is an absolute shit liar,’ Sirius eventually says. ‘He wouldn’t be able to hide it from me if he had violated my little brother’s honour.’

Still hovering some distance behind, pressing himself up against the chimney, James cringes, because it’s true. The memory of how true it is feels a little raw. Sirius had seen it on him those times when James and Regulus had had…moments. Moments where James had felt dizzier that he’d ever felt, more thrilled, more excited and they’d come so, so, so close.

‘We aren’t even two years apart. I’m not your little anything,’ Regulus retorts. He doesn’t look at Sirius, and James now knows Regulus well enough to be able to tell that Regulus is feeling uncomfortable with the whole conversation.

‘You’re my little brother, end of story, and as your sole adoring family member I will ritualistically flay and sacrifice anyone who tries to sully your good name.’ Sirius says this all with a solemnity that’s so profound it’s almost ridiculous. ’No one gets to touch your until I give my blessing and approval and, perhaps, until you're married and forty-years-old.'

James almost wobbles in alarm when Regulus lets out a loud, ‘ha!’ 

Sirius, however, does scramble up in shock. Even in the dark, James can tell he’s disturbed and a little bit pale. ‘Who the fuck has done what to you?’ he demands so loudly that James is almost surprised when it doesn’t wake all of their neighbours. ‘I’m serious, Reg! Which filthy, dirty bastard has laid their hands on you?!’

Regulus is laughing. James has to shut his eyes and crouch lower to try and quell the sick feeling in his stomach, because he knows which ‘filthy, dirty bastard’ has ‘laid their hands’ on Regulus. Regulus had told him that one time they’d come really close and James had admitted he’s never done ‘it’ before and Regulus had admitted that he very much has.

And James had felt that jealous, jealous beast grow in his chest. That same jealous beast that’s once more being roused.

‘Prongs!’ Sirius shouts, startling James out of his own private moment so suddenly that James scrambles on the spot and almost falls. ‘Prongs, you arsehole, who the hell has done what with my baby brother?!’ Sirius looks over his shoulder to where James is perched nervously, hoping to become one with the brick chimney. 

Regulus, now sitting up next to Sirius, doesn’t look in the least bit fazed by James’s presence. He smirks a little and tips his head up to glance once more at the night sky above them. 

At his star, which is gleaming in the south. At Sirius’s star, which is always so visibly clear. At the moon, which is full and huge and bright.

‘Yes, I know you’re there,’ Sirius rolls his eyes, ‘and for the record, you absolute dirty bastards, I approve. Not that you ever asked.’ He sniffs, feigning offence. Or, perhaps, entirely serious about it. James is too apprehensive to tell anymore. ‘James is a good egg. There’s no one else I’d trust with my little baby brother. I’m glad it’s you. You have my blessing.’ He narrows his eyes, dramatic about it as he’s Sirius. ‘However, if you don’t tell me what Regulus is “ha-ing” about, and if you don’t give me names, Prongsie, then I will liberate you of little prongs and ensure that my little baby brother forever remains my little baby brother.’

[wolvesandshine]

Regulus Arcturus Black.

Sirius’s younger brother.

James knew all about him of course, even though he hadn’t spoken to him at all.

But he knew. The first time he met Sirius, Regulus was all he talked about. How he had a sweet tooth, how he liked reading french poetry, how he was good and kind and talked to house elves - the list went on.

As the year went on, James heard less and less about Regulus, and being eleven years old at the time, he wasn’t paying enough attention.

Then next year rolled around. James had spent the whole of summer alternating between dreading and anticipating meeting Regulus.

He needn’t have worried though. Sirius had shown up with a dark face and alone, and from then Regulus Black was strictly off topic.

Then Regulus Black had placed in Slytherin, and well, so much for the sweet and kind boy sirius had always talked about.

So James had never interacted with Regulus. He never had any reason to - until now.

He had seen Regulus leaving dinner early and seizing his chance, he mumbled a good bye to his friends before rushing after him.

The minute he got Regulus alone, James drew out his wand, stepping closer, letting the familiar anger wash over him. “Why if it isn’t the famous baby black.”

The boy in front of him then stiffened, looking indifferent. It boiled James’s blood. How could he stand there looking so unbothered? As if he didn’t have a part in sending Sirius bloody and halfway to death to his home.

“What? Unable to speak without darling Walburga with you?” That got a reaction out of Regulus. He started, jaw clenching and made a move as of to hex him or punch him - but then he stopped. Face going blank, before he turned around and started walking away.

That just wouldn’t do. James couldn’t hurt Walburga or Orion Black, but Regulus? Sirius wasn’t his brother anymore.

James reached forward to grab Regulus’s hand before shoving him up against the wall, wand at his face.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you for what you did to Sirius.” James spoke lowkey, voice shaking with barely restrained anger.

Regulus just stared at him blankly, only serving to anger James more. “What the fuck do you think you’re playing at?”

Just then, James heard noise behind him, the sound of the rest of the students leaving the great hall. But James wasn’t about to let the coward leave - consequences be damned.

Before he could do anything though Regulus shoved him, causing James to fall promptly on his arse, winded. He hadn’t expected Regulus to have that kinda strength - but then again he always defied expectations.

Within seconds, Regulus had stolen James’s wand and held both at his throat. “Is this the kind of rash decisions you’re planning on making in the war?” He jabs the wand into his neck. “What is Sirius going to do then?”

James, admittedly, feels a bit lost right now, confused in the direction the conversation is going. Regulus glances up at the increasing sounds before he turns startlingly grey eyes on James - so different yet so similar to Sirius’s. “The Potter name carries weight.Without it, Sirius wouldn’t have made it this far.”

With that he leaves James alone, dropping his wand before he walks off, smoothing out his robes, face blank again.

James stared at the retreating form. He’s starting to think there’s more to Regulus than he had thought.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 10 - Reform

@jegulus-microfic May 10, Word count 458

Previous part First part

Regulus raised himself onto his tiptoes and lifted his chin. His lips were so close to James’s, he could almost feel them. And then James collapsed on the floor. 

“Fuck, James! Are you alright?!” Regulus dropped to the ground to check on him. James shook his head and blinked rapidly. 

“Yeah, sorry. Forgot to breathe.” He gasped as his lungs refilled with the air they’d been missing. Regulus looked at him disbelievingly. 

“You forgot to breathe? How do you forget to breathe?” James felt the colour flooding his face. He avoided Regulus’s eyes as he mumbled. 

“You were really close.” He looked up at Regulus from under his eyelashes to gauge his reaction. James was surprised to find Regulus shaking. Shaking with laughter. 

James pulled a face at him and tried to get back on his feet, but somehow his towel got caught under his knee and while James rose from the floor, his towel did not. Regulus squeaked, stared at him for a second and then spun around. James quickly bent and grabbed up his towel. But the moment, whatever it had been, was over. 

“I’ll see you later. Do you maybe want to meet here next week? I mean not in this room here, but in the other room here.” Regulus was babbling and didn’t seem able to stop, so James cut in. 

“Yeah, sounds good. Shall we say Wednesday after dinner? We can go over the next part of the process after you’ve had that mandrake leaf in your mouth.” He said kindly. 

“Great, yeah, perfect. Erm, I’m gonna go. Thanks for the quidditch earlier.” Regulus sped out of the room. James had never heard him ramble on in that ineloquent way before. He put it out of his mind and changed into his clean clothes. His quidditch things he noticed had disappeared. He hoped they’d been sent for washing.

James was feeling better than he had been, but now his mind was full of what had been about to happen before he passed out like a total idiot. How could he forget to breathe? But Regulus had been so different in those few minutes. Even earlier on the quidditch pitch he’d been almost pleasant. All James had ever known about him was he was Sirius’s little brother, and he was destined to be a death eater. But why would he knowingly choose to hang out with someone whose family was very vocal about their support for Dumbledore? Did he stand a chance to help Regulus reform? Did Regulus want to be on Voldemort's side or was it his parents's influence? James was determined to figure him out. Especially as they would be spending quite a bit of time together going through the animagus procedure.  

Next part

[weasleys-wizard-writes]

A Sorry Substitute {R.B}

Synopsis: In a home full of photographs depicting memories of the past, it can be hard to move forward... Good thing you have remarkably little interest in doing so.

Notes: Absurdly non cannon compliant (mentions of the Yule Ball, completely ignoring Sirius and Regulus' strained relationship, etc.) Also, warnings for angst, mentions of underage drinking, and mentions of death.

In the photos littered throughout your home, Regulus Black was thoroughly documented, portions of his life (or rather, your conjoined life together) suspended in time for all to see.

There was a small framed photo in the parlor of him and his brother as children, with the older chasing the younger through the ever familiar back garden of their home. Regulus had at one point kept it at his bedside after his brother left for Hogwarts, which was how you'd come to have it in your possession years later. It was one of few images depicting Sirius as a child that hadn't been destroyed by a bitter Walburga.

Beside it, sat a slightly larger frame, within which was a similarly moving image of a far older Regulus as he snatched up the golden snitch in the the 1974 Gryffindor vs Slytherin quidditch match. You were quite proud of this particular photo, having taken it at the very moment that the young man's expression had begun to morph from one of utter concentration to victorious pride. It also helped that you'd managed to frame it in a manner that captured Sirius' reaction from his position as Keeper in the background. He'd cursed his brother up and down for catching the snitch after the match was over, but judging by the photo, his initial reaction was as proud as could be.

On the opposite wall, dual photos of your evening with your boyfriend at the Yule Ball during your fifth year were hung proudly, one having been taken by Lily, and the other by Sirius himself, whose presence pervaded many of the memories you'd decorated your home with.

In his photo, you and Regulus stood posed together, he in his dress robes and you in your gown, with several other couples visible in the background conversing amongst themselves. If you looked closely enough, you could see the subtle shaking of the camera and the slight glare that came over the younger Black heir's eyes as his brother laughed at the hesitant manner in which he'd placed his hand upon your hip. "Her Mum is going to see this, you utter fool." He'd reasoned afterward, which you recalled had only sent Sirius into a far greater fit of laughter than before.

Lily's photo, on the other hand, was far more candid, and a personal favorite of yours. In it, you were dancing casually with your love, arms resting gently upon his shoulders as he'd finally put those years of dance lessons that all pure blooded families seemed to make their children endure to good use. He looked happy, smiling down at you as a hand moved up to gently caress your cheek, a subtle gesture of affection that had sent your heart racing even after a full year of dating and another of pining before that.

Of course though, the parlor was not the only room decorated with photographs.

Your entryway, for example, was home to a group photo of you and your friends aboard the Hogwarts express together as you prepared to begin the 1977-1978 school year, after which Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter would all graduate. In this particular picture, you were all crammed into one little area aboard the train, basically on top of one another as you struggled to fit everyone into frame. In fact, toward the end of the image's looping movement, you could see where the train had lurched, pushing you off balance and making Regulus' eyes widen as he'd tightened his hold upon your arm. And beyond that, you could even see the shifting expressions playing about people's faces as they realized you were falling, genuine smiles briefly morphing into looks of comical panic before the loop started over once more. Unfortunately, what was not captured in the photo was the next few seconds of time, which featured you and your boyfriend of nearly 1.5 years toppling down together atop your friends, sending everyone into a fit of laughter so loud that the other inhabitants of the train car had all turned to see what the commotion was.

In addition to this, your kitchen in particular was absolutely littered with little photographs, many of them far too silly to have printed out and displayed properly in your home. Of course, this was exactly why you'd simply turned them into little gold framed magnets for your refrigerator instead, covering the appliance in happy memories for all too see if they only chose to look.

For example, one of your favorites included Regulus at the aftermath of a party in the Gryffindor common room after the house had beaten Ravenclaw during their quidditch match earlier that day. In it, he was clearly somewhat inebriated and incredibly exhausted, because rather than fixing the photographer, a seventh year James Potter, with his typical glare, he instead resolved to simply flip him off with an unsubtle roll of his eyes before he rolled onto his back atop the couch he'd been laying on when he'd noticed that the stag animagus had been aiming the camera in his direction. At the edge of the frame, you could just barely make out the sight of you and Sirius bursting into laughter over the interaction, leaning on one another to keep your (certainly not sober) selves from tumbling to the ground.

Another featured you all but bum rushing your boyfriend after he'd gotten hold of the snitch during a different quidditch game that same year, throwing your arms around his neck gleefully as he caught you with a visible but silent "oof!" before shaking his head in exasperation and wrapping his arms around your waist with a grin, happily accepting and eagerly returning the celebratory kiss you pressed to his lips shortly thereafter.

A much older photo next to that one exhibited a third year Regulus scribbling furiously at his arithmancy homework in the great hall after you'd all managed to convince him it was due that morning rather than the next one.

The following image, however, taken only a few minutes later by an uninvolved Peter, showed the young slytherin chasing you, James, Sirius, and Remus down the hallway after your growing bouts of random laughter had become suspicious enough for him to question what you were all up to.

Of course, while Regulus was indeed the most important person in your life, and certainly the one you were most keen upon displaying about your shared home, that wasn't to say every photo included him.

For example, one of your favorite pictures that adorned the fridge featured you sleeping on the floor just outside the room that Remus had locked himself away in during one of your many trips to a long forgotten Black family lakeside property whilst on Easter break. In it, your hand was resting gently atop the gryffindor's fingertips as they stuck out from underneath the door, which was the closest he would allow himself to get after you'd pleaded with him to come out all evening. It had been the night before a full moon, and he'd always preferred to be alone on such occasions, but since you'd rarely experienced that behavior of his, you'd been insistent that he continued to feel included. It was a sweet memory, and certainly one that you were glad to have the opportunity to display as you so pleased.

In addition to this, another image that didn't contain Regulus was the one of Peter, Sirius, James, and Remus passed out in the slytherin common area after a long night of studying during their sixth year. In classic gryffindor fashion, they'd all insisted that the slytherin furniture was far too uncomfortable to rest on, leading you, Regulus, and Lily to take plenty of photographs of them sleeping soundly the very moment the opportunity arose, shoulders shaking with laughter as you'd quietly mocked your friends.

Alongside all of these, various other memories clung to the magnetic surface of your refrigerator, including a few failed attempts at casting a patronus on yours and Regulus' part after James had tried to teach the spell to the two of you during your conjoined fifth year and his sixth.

Eventually though, you'd gotten it, and thus there was another photo up of your patronuses as they walked about together, a ginger and nebelung cat respectively (something James had tried to tease you both for until you'd reminded him of his and Lily Evans', quickly prompting him to leave well enough alone).

Still, even with all of those wonderful memories in mind, the one that remained your very favorite was one that didn't actually hang at all, but rather sat framed upon your bedside table for you to wake up to each morning.

It was an absolutely beautiful and intentionally shot photo, featuring the very same Black family lake house that you and your friends had occupied in some of the pictures located on your fridge. Having been taken just after James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and Peter's graduation at a small gathering put together by you and your boyfriend to celebrate, the energy of the photograph itself was joyful beyond words, although that may have had more to do with the tear worthy moment captured within it than anything else.

In the background, the sun was beginning to set low on the horizon, casting a pink and orange glow across the waters behind where you and Regulus were stood.

That is, until without warning, the aforementioned man suddenly wasn't standing at all anymore, but kneeling before you instead, a black ring box in hand and a nervous expression playing about his handsome face.

He hadn't even gotten the chance to get the full question past his lips before you were tackling him even further to the ground with a hug and a hurried, repeated nod in agreement.

At the edges of the frame, Lily and James could be seen gaping at the scene while Peter simply pointed in utter disbelief and Remus tried (and failed) to hold back tears of joy.

And of course, pictured only in memory, was Sirius behind the camera, the only other party who had been privy to his younger brother's plans, and thus the man with the duty of taking the pictures for you.

He could not have done a better job if he'd tried (Not even with your second favorite image from that evening, which depicted a very inebriated you riding on the back of a very inebriated James Potter after he'd taken on his stag form. The two of you had become utterly determined to try it after Remus had cracked a sarcastic joke, and after a charm had been cast to magically make you lighter to lessen the weight upon the stag's back, you'd both set off victoriously with no particular destination in mind as your partners chased after the two of you with utterly horrified expressions plastered on their faces. It was a very good photo, indeed).

Yes, in the photographs littered throughout your home, Regulus Black was thoroughly documented, some of the very happiest moments of his life replaying time and time again for any and all to see.

That is, except, for him, and every other person besides yourself depicted in those dearly beloved photographs.

Your sweet Lily and persistent James, long gone, murdered in cold blood.

Your brave Sirius, unfairly returned in shambles before being taken away again far too soon.

Your loyal Remus, fallen alongside his love after years of being your only remaining solace in a world cruel enough to have taken everyone else away from you.

Your misguided Peter, who you could never forgive, but could not help but weep for when you saw the boy he'd once been in the photos on your walls.

And, of course, your darling Regulus, who you'd always hoped against hope that you'd see again until those very same hopes had been dashed to pieces as if against the rocks near which his final resting place could be found.

All around you, your love's life replayed over and over endlessly each and every day, acting as a sorry but needed substitute for his presence, longer gone now than you'd ever even had the chance to know it.

And in the end, there was no greater grief in your heart.

For no pain was worse than that caused by the scarcely explained and permanent absence of Regulus Arcturus Black from the life you'd planned together.

masterlist

[asmo-d3us]

James Potter Headcanons

Pansexual

He/him and they/them pronouns

Animagus is a deer

Latino and always speaks in fast Spanish when angry or excited and it’s so amusing to watch

Never studies yet somehow gets amazing grades and results in exams

Had severe ADHD and sometimes forgets to take his medication so Marlene always reminds him, and sometimes when she isn’t there, Barty notices it and gives subtle nudges to James, and when James looks at him he sees him holding out his medication. He never forgot, no matter what, and James will always be grateful

Used to be childhood friends with Marlene and Barty

Was forced to stop talking to barty because of how different they were, even though his parents wanted him to come back since they missed him

When he started dating regulus, he was forced to start talking with barty again, and they had a weird moment where they stared into each others eyes and cried silently, before hugging and then acting like nothing happened the next day.

he was obsessed with the idea of lily but not her as a person, especially because his parents expected them to be together so the pressure got to his head, but after meeting regulus he began to fall in love

james is a people-pleaser so he never really opens up and nobody has ever seen him breakdown other then barty, marlene, remus, and regulus

the first time james cried in front of sirius was when they found out regulus died. sirius was so shocked at his reaction that he began to cry harder and cradled james in his arms

he misses barty to death

has obvious bipolar disorder but he’s in denial, remus agreed not to tell anyone yet

james never opens up to anyone since he thinks his job is to make everyone happy. for some reason, barty and regulus (slytherins) were the only ones who were there for him and understood him in such a deep level

people would come to him for therapy, venting, help, advice, etc. but he never had anyone there for him

people called him egotistical and cocky but in reality it’s just a facade to seem cool because he never really liked who he truly was

pretty good actor, his friends never caught on to his fake behavior, but when remus, regulus, and marlene did, (barty did to, he just didn’t talk about it, he only gave silent nudges to let james know he’s right there.) they tried their best to comfort him.

NAPS, loves naps

if one light is on he CANNOT sleep

broken multiple pairs of glasses after falling asleep in them

him and sirius are like brothers, but that breaks his heart because of regulus

mamas boy

mcgonagall has a soft spot for him

a hugger, seriously so touchy he sometimes gets super insecure bc he’s worried ppl will be annoyed. the only people who encouraged this was the marauders + marlene (barty wasn’t a big toucher himself but he would comfort james with humor if he asked)

ruffles everyone’s hair

natural leader, sometimes overthinks and begins to worry that he’s using people and ordering them around bossily

he loves everyone so fucking much and he’s indecisive as fuck

he sings in the shower

he has a diary that he writes in with a glittery gel pen

[bartychaser]

What if Regulus left a letter for James to find it after his death but James died before reading it and Harry ends up finding it, showing it to Sirius… like, what would his reaction be?

Would he be sobbing in the corner bc he didn’t get to tell Regulus he loves him too?

Would he be mad at James for shagging his brother?

Would he be sad bc they obviously both didn’t think they could trust him with them?

WHAT WOULD IT BE, HELP ME

[honeyflower-bellybower]

You know the line in atyd that's like "they'd never really understood each other" or something? Well that's always fucking crushed me cause it's true on so many levels but also because you're sort of tricked into believing it's not for so long before that? Like, with the whole sharing scars thing (literally and figuratively) and all that you think they fall in love with each other exactly because they do understand each other. Right? But it's wrong.

Cause what they've always understood was the bad parts of each other. They understood the painful, butchered bits of one another, the abandonment, the hatred, the loneliness, the anger. Remus was able to forgive Sirius for The Prank because he understood his anger. Sirius could stand Remus' snapping for the same reason. But never the fragile, kind parts.

Remus never really understood that Sirius still loved his brother, not just the idea of him, or the memory of him, but the real, present, Death Eater Regulus. He never understood that Sirius felt guilty about leaving him.

Why? Because when Remus found his own Voldemort-associated 'family' with not-so-evil members his reaction was to fight. With them and for them. To free them, even those who weren't aware they needed help, even those who hated him for it, like Livia. He put himself in the way of harm and in danger of being thought traitorous by the light-side. He did everything Sirius blamed himself for not doing.

And he did it because he was put in that position after living and learning. Older. He didn't grow up in that position. He wasn't raised by that abusive parent. He was never a child trying to take care of his siblings and being punished for it. He was never convinced that was the normal way of life, or love. He didn't exactly have the nicest childhood, but he was able to recognize Greyback for what he was right away. When standing against him he never had to remind himself he was doing the right thing. He never wished that person loved him. He never had to struggle with contrasting feelings. He could take his "siblings"' side without being afraid of losing himself in the process. He never had to make sure he wasn't turning evil.

And Sirius could never understand why Remus would even consider standing with the werewolves, because they were exactly like his family, and he could not think of standing with his family. He loved his brother, yes, but he hadn't been able to save him, and trying any harder would've meant losing himself too. He didn't even really know whether Reg was salvageable or not. He knew how much he'd struggled to get away from the position Remus was willingly putting himself into.

They never understood each other, because they were confronted with the same question in different times, and gave different answers.

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 30

chapter 49:

1. jegulus jumpscare (it’s a dream i wasn’t expecting)

2. shit. the dream is about their wedding plans. i- i can’t do this shit while reg is in the arena

3. shit it’s raining and i know reg can’t handle it because of the last crimson river/arena

4. god, sirius wakes up to the rain and his first thought it to go save regulus

5. “"Lily, have you been using sex for favors?"

"No." Lily pauses, then snorts. "Well, alright, so this is how it works, yeah? I'm already having sex, and then I'm like, say, look at you all laid out and desperate to give me what I want; don't you want to do this very small, very simple thing for me? And then they mostly always say yes, and they get what they want, all while I'm having a grand time and also getting what I want. See? Win-win.””

😭😭😭 i love her your honor

6. “”I cannot believe that this revolution is partially running on your competency in sex."

"Oh, if only it could fully run on that. Everything would go so smoothly. Shit, we'd win the war in, like, a week.""

😭😭😭💍♥️ marry me please

7. “”I keep telling [Effie] I know exactly how to make her feel better, but she insists she's a married woman, and also far too old for me. Disappointing, really.”” 😭😭😭

8. james confronting lucius has me scared for remus. like, i know they can’t trace it back to remus, but i’m so scared

9. james is pissed at the world and it’s honestly scary

10. i know james is trying to use donations, but i’m also aware that riddle wants to make sure no donations make it to reg, sirius, or marlene

11. “"Aw, your boyfriend sent you a present," Rabastan teases, his tone lighthearted and good-natured.

"Fiancé," Regulus corrects sharply”

GAGGED. he took james’ words and fucking ran with it like nobody’s business

12. not narcissa welcoming james to the family 😭😭😭😭

13. james sent him a bagel and all the death eaters are making fun of him for being gay over it 😭😭

14. all james sent on the card was “???” 😭😭 pls that’s so funny

15. poor eli

16. the sad bonding over marlene and sirius having recovered from drinking problems

17. don’t tell me that the fucking crimson river hands are coming out the hedges. i- god i hope reg gets to personally witness riddle’s downfall

18. AND THE FUCKING GREEN MIST??? FUCK THIS

19. “You never truly do feel as alive as when death is breathing down your neck.”

oh he’s insane as hell. a black for sure

20. shit. sirius’ mind just went blank in the maze

21. the hallow is cruel beyond belief for this

22. “He has had dreams of Regulus, ah, using his dagger during…intimate moments, but is that something he'd actually do? Well… Okay, bad example.” 😭😭😭😭

23. james was so close to an epiphany about mcgonnagal making everyone hate the games. he was so close

24. “Thorfinn said he'd have to be killed to be stopped from going after Sirius, even though Regulus explicitly told him what he'd do about that, and so Regulus killed him. Newton's third law: for every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

bitch do not pull physics into this 😭😭

also that means that sir isaac newton existed in this universe, which if we see this as a future for our universe, it means that homophobia was prevalent at one point and the world straight up just eradicated it. 🤷🏽‍♀️ pro for this universe ig

25. “When he lifts his head, the first thing Regulus sees is his brother.

The second thing he sees is Sirius' fist, just the flash of it, just seconds before it collides with the side of his face.”

he had it coming fr

[overdueforarevival]

The Astronomy Tower

When Remus and Sirius first start dating, Sirius doesn't want anyone to know. Not even James. Remus has been out and proud in front of the whole school since 4th year and has been caught kissing boys in broom closest more than once. The whole school knows he likes boys. So now that Sirius wants to be the one kissing Remus, he can't risk the broom closet, doesn't dare even look at Remus in the dorm and can't guarantee his continued anonymity in the Quidditch changing rooms. They need to find somewhere else.

He knows Remus is pissed about it, but he's a good enough man to never bring it up. In the end, they decide on the astronomy tower, up so high in the sky nobody can see it from the ground and in the dead of night, nobody would ever find them here. So there, leaning against the railing with the cool night air rustling about them, Sirius learns every ridge and divet of Remus' lips, learns how his fingers feel in Sirius' hair, learns how nothing else matters when he has Remus Lupin in his arms. The astronomy tower is their place.

Nobody will ever find them and his parents will never know just how much of a disappointment their heir truly is. Regulus will never see how disgusting his brother is. James will never regret being his friend.

And then, three months later, Sirius is standing on James Potter's doorstep, church bells ringing in the distance, hailing the birth of the Son of God on Christmas morning as the clock chimes midnight. There's snow in his hair and blood on his face and James is pulling him inside, shouting for his mother and the rest is a blur.

He's the talk of the town when school starts up again, but this time Sirius finds he doesn't mind. In fact, if they want to talk about him, he reckons he should give them something to talk about. So during breakfast on their third day back, he drags Remus up onto the Gryffindor table with him and snogs him like he's the very air in his lungs, the water for him to grow and the fire that keeps him warm. They get detention for a week, but it was worth it. It's all worth it for Remus.

The Astronomy tower becomes less used, Sirius no longer feels the need to hide and maybe it doesn't matter if he's gay? Maybe the grin on Remus' face when he can tell some nosy Hufflepuff why he's not running off with a new person every other week is because there's only one person he'll be running off with, and his name is Sirius Black.

A year later, James can't sleep, too anxious about the war and his parents ailing health to shut his eyes and so he walks. He walks and walks, threatening the fifth year Prefect that tries to give him detention with a nasty Stinging Hex he's perfected as he goes, and suddenly James is at the top of the Astronomy Tower. He is there too.

Regulus Black.

A boy who hates him like the stars hate the sun, though he's never been sure why. Even less sure is he of why he can't get the image of the boy's face out of his head or why his sharp features haunt his every waking moment and the soft bounce of his short curls grace his every dream.

Regulus turns around. They lock eyes and there's something there. James doesn't have time to decipher it, doesn't have time for anything really because suddenly his back is against the railing and there are hands on his chest. Cold hands. For a moment, his heart is in his throat and he's sure that this is it, this is the moment Regulus can't take his hatred of James any longer. James will fall to his death and nobody will be any the wiser.

But none of that happens. Instead, there are warm lips on his, furiously pressed against his mouth and it's only by pure muscle memory that James knows to follow the motion with his own lips. He's never been so grateful for his bold instinct reactions.

He's kissing Regulus Black. James Potter is kissing Regulus Black.

And it's rough and messy and there are teeth and tongues, scraping and pushing and his hands are in Regulus' hair, he's being pulled in by the waist and nothing has ever felt like this. All the girl's he thought he's loved, all the nights pining for Lily Evans... nothing compares to this. Nothing compares to Regulus Black.

They never speak about what happened that night, not for a while at least. But every night, without fail, James finds Regulus there, and every night without fail, there are rough, bitten lips on his and long fingers tracing underneath his shirt.

By now, Sirius and Remus rarely hide away in the Astronomy Tower, in fact it's been months since they were there, but it's Remus' birthday and Sirius wants to do something fun, something with just the two of them. So he drags Remus up to their special place, giggling with excitement and bursts happily through the doorway, arms thrown wide to present the surprise to his boyfriend.

The surprise they get is not the one Sirius had intended. Sirius intended for a romantic candle-lit dinner Hallie the house elf is bringing up in ten minutes time. The surprise they get is Sirius' half-naked brother pinned against the railing, apparently trying to meld himself into Sirius' equally half-naked best friend.

All four boys freeze, three going impossibly red in the face while the fourth bends over double, shaking with poorly timed and outrageously roaring laughter. Remus is nearly on the floor, right next to Sirius' jaw which he thinks may have detached from his face.

James and Regulus look like they've been petrified, still wrapped around each other, but both staring in horror at their unexpected guests. Mortification might be one word for the events of the night, trauma might be another and either way Sirius knows the image will forever be seared into the backs of his eyelids and haunt his every thought.

'Merlin, Pads, let's leave them to it,' Remus wheezes around his laughter and grabs Sirius by the arm, dragging him back down the stairs.

Safe to say, neither pair uses the Astronomy Tower again.