#sir that's my emotional support murder family | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

primroseevans03 · 22 days

Text

Yandere Paul Atreides x Reader

Opera Dune

Warnings Yandere behavior, Fem!reader, toxic relationship, forced marriage (mentioned), attempted murder, poisoning, abortion, extramarital affairs, betrayal, use of voice, psychological manipulation, emotional instability

Parole 3170

I just translated this with Google translation so please don't judge me🥹

And the original post is this

And the Author @raggaza-whintigale

The corridors at this time of night were almost completely empty, except for the soldiers on guard and the graceful figure of the beautiful woman called (name) Alithea and in the future Atreides -if the marriage ever went through of course-. The beauty of her figure certainly deserved the nickname she had been given when she was still a child. The princess of Alithea. As the only daughter until she was 12 she had been loved and adored almost as much as the countess who had once been her mother.

Her beauty and purity had not yet fallen out of favor according to the public.

Her beauty, her education and her gentle character had allowed this nickname. Little would one imagine that behind that beautiful facade a woman no longer different could be hidden.

A cold and cruel woman, who has grown to recognize her only usefulness as an exchange between families. The name and importance of the Atreides to a fertile and educated woman who would keep the bloodline high.

She was almost tired of hearing such voices coming from the outside, by now almost all the servants in the service of the Duke and his family were familiar with the woman's bad temper.

My lady, what are you doing awake at this hour? The woman stopped staggering in her tracks. You should be in your rooms resting." (name) has a sickly look to her soft features. The color of her skin has faded just enough to make her appear between life and death. The disheveled hair (color) is freed from the usual complicated braiding, thus allowing soft waves to accompany her face. The pleasant movement of the locks followed his face once he decided he could honor this person with his attentions.

Duncan Idaho stood in the middle of the hallway looking solemn. The upright and impeccable posture is just something one could expect from the Atreides house and one of its trusted ones.

The man's gaze looks suspiciously at the frail and barely supported the body of his lady. There is no hint of hostility towards anyone, just his usual spoiled self. Or at least that's what it's been for the last 7 years. When suddenly the sweetness of the little girl was replaced with the characteristic coldness of the Alithea house.

Duncan never mistrusted her. Not that she could in any way, she is such a fragile and small woman that one doubted she could hurt any member of the Atreides family. Solo couldn't help but notice the change in character as he grew up alongside the Atreides heir. Before his eyes he saw how someone could sink into darkness little by little.

The woman's sharp gaze fell on the soldier, trusted by the Atreides and close to the one who would become her husband. "Nothing important Sir, I'm just trying to reach my future husband in his rooms. He asked me to speak in private."

Duncan doubted that Paul could be so damn rude as to bother his girlfriend who until a few days ago was on her deathbed. Then no one - not even Paul - had told him about this meeting and although it could have been a meeting between lovers, which he highly doubted, the boy would still have informed someone about it.

Generally the lady (name) wasn't even a person for romantic encounters in the moonlight, nor for an adventure in the bedroom. So it was very presumable that he was planning something to do with Paul. Duncan hoped very much that this wouldn't get them into trouble.

In that case let me accompany you." His honor prevented him from leaving his lady wandering the halls of Castle Caladan in search of her future husband, when she couldn't even walk properly.

He was also trembling at times under his llama.

The woman's gaze narrowed, letting the silver specks drown in the (color) of her irises shine. (Name) was smart enough not to attempt an argument over such a trifle. No matter how disrespectful it was, it would only make it more suspicious. If that's what you want." Duncan walked until he passed (name) and guided her to her destination.

Paul's room wasn't very far away, so the journey was short. The princess knocked elegantly on the door and Paul answered by opening the door. The surprise was clear in her green eyes, but she recovered the moment she noticed Duncan too. He greeted the man with a nod and then turned to Alithea's woman "To what do I owe my lady's visit?" (Name) reduced her expression to pure disgust and entered the room leaving behind Duncan and his expression desperate from the woman's tantrums and lies. Paul offered nothing more than an apologetic expression to his trusted companion closing the door telling him to continue with his duties.

“I hope there is a valid reason to disturb your and Duncan's rest.” “I didn't ask him to disturb himself.” The lady (name) overlooked her precarious condition as she stood in the middle of the room crossing her arms over her chest. The stole and soft robe annihilated every curve the woman might possess. A sigh left Paul's lips as he moved closer to wrap his arms around the woman's form, Your cruelty never fades my lady, not even when you are ill. And to think that when you were little you had such kindness. The warmth of their skin touching was something (name) hated, and he knew that in the future he wouldn't get enough of this from her.

She secretly basked in the warmth of their embrace, perhaps she should have gotten a heavier stole but she couldn't find it on her own. I would start to blame him for this behavior if I were you, Paul." ||

his name had a dismissive lilt but The Atreides, in some twisted way, seemed to appreciate it. Paul presses a kiss to her neck, oblivious to the layer of hair that overlapped (name)'s skin. You shudder disgusted.

In any case you didn't answer my question. He pulled away from her and went to sit on the other side of the room. He poured himself something to drink and did the same for her. Lady (Name) knew better than to give in to such gallantries. She was considered a beauty to such an extent that many sought her attention with petty tricks.

In reality Paul knew why he was there and what caused his confusion. There was a crack in his usual armor, revealing glimpses of anger and nervousness. He had read his movements and words carefully. How he lingered on something too long, how he kept his belly covered with his stole and how he scratched his wrists. You have to let it go. He's not to blame." "Hmm? "He took a sip of his drink while keeping his eyes on her. He knew what he was talking about, there was no need for confirmation, yet he continued to pretend not to understand. If the lady (name) didn't know him, he could have said he was enjoying seeing her like this.

Paul knew her well enough to know that: nothing could upset the woman if not the awareness of having condemned someone for her mistake. She wasn't as cruel as everyone had made her out to be, and Paul knew that better than anyone. He knew that the black circles under his eyes were probably just the cause of the sleepless nights of guilt.

Guilt.

Perhaps no one but him knew that Lady Alithea was capable of feeling such emotions. She was really good at hiding her intentions behind her coldness, not always but almost, Paul would have granted her that. Perhaps if it weren't for his Bene Gesserit abilities he wouldn't have noticed either. "I don't see why I should, (name), after what he did to you. IT'S ALL MY FAULT! HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT- The scream revealed all the resentment he had towards her. It had come out so spontaneously from his lips that she managed to stop him only after having partially vented. She certainly stopped at a certain point and part of the blame went to the look that the Atreides heir gave her still troubled her, even after years and despite their age difference. the opportunity to your advantage." and you used Not even the poison detectors could detect it. She had been careful. So attentive that when blood began to drip down her nose and mouth general confusion filled the room. Some soldiers rushed there, others called doctor Yueh and later Hawat also arrived. It was one of the few times that the Duke was also present, perhaps all that confusion was also due to this.

No one had managed to find out who he had done it or how he had done it. But Paul had an idea. An idea that had turned out to be more than right. He had seen it clearly. -

The woman's arms slid straight across her body as she gripped the fabric of her robe in her fists. It wasn't clear whether she regretted having shouted it or whether she was just afraid of Paul's gaze. But the rest of the sentence was still reduced to a quiet whisper.

Maybe he felt guilty. He had never touched her before without her permission. He had never hurt her. Yet she had acted against him. She first tried to kill Paul while he slept with a makeshift knife, but was too cowardly to carry out the feat and collapsed in Paul's arms. He hadn't said in one word he had shown fear of it. Then he tried to poison him... but he changed his aim. Perhaps she hoped someone would question her union with Paul, perhaps not deeming her worthy of becoming a Duchess and an Atreides. But it doesn't happen. All Paul needed to do was store the information, analyze it and evaluate how to best resolve the situation. His attempt on the young Duke was never discovered, and his poisoned self was only diverted to the simplest solution. The boy so close to Lady (name) that he poisoned her out of jealousy.

This made her regret having chosen him and brought him with her to Caladan in the first place, that she had compromised herself with him and that she had been forced to have an abortion to preserve the honor of both of them. Maybe you should have thought about involving someone external first. It was stupid but he already knew. She didn't even love him like he deserved.

And it's quite clear that Paul was playing with these feelings of guilt.

He wouldn't offer her a trade, he didn't need one to make her do whatever he wanted. There was no way they had talked about trading the boy's life for something that would benefit Paul and Lady (name) him. was to Paul's advantage and Lady (name) knew it well enough.

"Anyway, now you won't have to worry about covering up that unwanted pregnancy and I won't have to keep a bastard." A bastard heir. It was something ironic now, in young Paul's eyes. I don't remind him in the slightest of his mother, who gave Duke Leto the heir he so desired.

The woman was full of resentment, guilt and embarrassment, which is why she didn't say another word. She didn't try to save herself or justify the obvious facts, he was the only one besides her who knew and could only deduce it was thanks to her predictions. Not even poor Elias was aware that he had impregnated Paul's future bride. Maybe it was for the best.

"You should be grateful." Paul's voice lost its affection and reproach. It only became cold as if he had lost the ability to feel. He moved closer to his lady's form, cupping her soft-featured face in his hands. The princess felt disgusted. ""For not condemning you with him."

In a flash of anger (name) pushed his hands away on the boy's chest, moving away just enough.

First she thought he would give it to her, in his current state, he was stronger than her. Therefore the distance was what he had granted him regardless. "I would have rather died from my own poison than stay here with you." The princess gritted her teeth at each cruel statement as she headed for the door with the sole intent of leaving.

"Don't leave the room." (name) stopped in her tracks, hand on the doorknob and one foot ready to take the first step out. He knew Paul could use his voice, he had heard his mother talk about it many times when they practiced. There was a tacit agreement about this. He shouldn't have used it on her.

Although no terms and conditions had ever been put in place, he had only done it once, excluding this one. Maybe it was that time that convinced him not to use it. She had literally gone crazy, screaming and trying to attack him directly.

No one was able to give an answer to this behavior and the situation remained silent to a few days, leaving an aura of mystery over the matter.

The woman's gaze was filled with anger and a bloody desire to harm him. Paul looked back at her with a sort of challenge in his eyes. Would she be overwhelmed by the voice or would she be locked up for making an attempt on Paul's life?

She was almost sure that in the second one he would suffer more than her, which is why when she took her first steps towards her boyfriend he parted his lips. Ready to recall any order would bring her back to her place. But she stopped even before she could take another step.

Paul's gaze was still on her. Her wavy hair falling to her drooping shoulders. His silver robe and the stole that had fallen from his shoulders and was now held only by the girl's arms. A damned and pathetic sight just like his lady was when no one could see her but him. Pride and vanity had disappeared in favor of sweet desperation and guilt. But ultimately the Atreides could not have wanted anything more than to be the only spectator of such a sight. No one could have admired the dim and simple light of a woman, who had learned to maintain the appearance of coldness and nobility, falling apart in the face of something that was shattering her little by little.

Paul was that thing and they both knew it.

His first steps were intercepted by the woman who stepped back to maintain the initial distance. A sigh of exasperation and amusement left Paul as he spoke again.

"You have to stop these scenes. They won't do you much good especially if I'm the only one watching. Their eyes were fixed on each other. Nothing would change in the woman's behavior, he knew it. Yet her eyes were still beware of whatever he wanted to do with her. He would keep his words and yet she was still unwilling to come closer."

Explain to me how I can make myself heard, without necessarily giving you an order. That power was not a simple order! If it had just been an order she would have ignored it and then moved on with what she thought was best. But in those moments her body stopped being her property and did what that chorus of voices told her to do. Cast out and deprived of her own will. That's how it could be described.

"You can't. Simple, right? All it takes is for me to leave it alone, and clear him of those accusations, and for a while I will continue this act, for a while. For a while... It didn't mean forever. She wouldn't calm down and this would only be something temporary. It was like a stone hitting the void. It didn't make any noise. Neither of them had a speech connected to that of the other and yet they continued to speak along the same lines. She was there for a reason and then she wanted to get away as far away as possible. Even the bottom of the Caladan Sea seemed more welcoming and inviting than that room suffused with light. While he wanted to try to convince her to stay, in his room and in his life. Not that she had that much choice involved but he still wanted her to want him at least a little.

He took another step and then another and another, towards her, in silence. But she walked away again and again and again. The steps were shaky and the possibility that he might fall could not be ruled out. You can really be cruel my lady... especially to me. "Paul seemed to like to point out how his cutting words lost their sharpness in her presence, lacing his words with terrible sarcasm. She tripped over something and fell sitting on the boy's bed. She couldn't know what, but he figured it was Paul's fault. It was always his fault even when it wasn't, in his eyes.

She didn't know exactly how she ended up there, at one end of the room, opposite from where she was. How many steps had he taken without looking around? When she had lost herself too deeply in Paul's eyes and the hatred she felt for him.

"I hate you. He laughed at the confirmation of her words. This was hate. A pathetic hate that suits him beautifully. "I know. He moved closer to her face, leaving little space between them, so much so that each breath brushed the skin of their faces. The woman's (color) eyes were wide open looking for a solution, a clue or some glimmer, in the eyes of her future husband. Any spark but nothing. He was as impassive and unreadable as he always had been, and it terrified her. As in their first meetings, as in their first meeting. "What do you want in exchange? After a long silence lady (name) decided to speak. Usually during their exchanges of words there was never talk of exchanges or mediations. Neither of them would have given up something to have another. Especially (name ).

"Stay. It was decidedly generic in response and the girl found herself impatient with such indulgence. If it had only been one night it might even be a good deal. If it was moving her rooms into Paul's for his last stint here in Caladan before returning home to make wedding preparations, it was excessive but she could still give it to him. She had asked for a very high price after all, as much as she herself didn't want to admit it. But if you mean for his whole life it was too much. However cruel and cold she may have been, she had always kept her word and for this reason she rarely made promises, especially when she didn't want to or couldn't keep them.

"Everything but this.

“Take it or leave it, (name).”

#dark Paul atreides #yandere x reader #x reader #yandere Paul atreides #paul atreides #dune #dune part 2

14 notes · View notes

ryansjane · 1 year

Note

Heyyy girl! Not sure if you’ve answered this before but what are your fave non gmmtv bls/Thai dramas?🪷💗

hi anon! I don't think I actually have, all in the same post! let's go <3

I TOLD SUNSET ABOUT YOU

I've talked about this show about a thousand times already, so I'll keep it short: this is the only show I consider truly perfect, from its writing, cinematography, acting, chemistry, storyline, soundtrack, etc. it's not for everyone bc it's VERY angsty but it's deffo my cup of tea & I'm gonna be honest teh's coming out storyline was extremely important to me as it came right before I also finally accepted my bisexuality. overall just my favorite show, so important & beautiful with deeply flawed characters <3

PROJECT S: SKATE OUR SOULS

this show is the only other one with itsay I've rated a 10/10 in my life, even though it's not perfect, because it literally changed my life. the last sentence of the show literally helped me get over the worst depressive episode of my life, which is a pretty goddamn beautiful result for a show about depression. even though it's not entirely perfect, it's still an extremely well written show, has a gorgeous cinematography full of neons, incredible performances & a story that was so important to tell. I couldn't recommend it more!

PROJECT S: SIDE BY SIDE

in also a near flawless show, we have this show. it's a very touching story that will make you cry, tries to understand all of its characters, with stunning acting performances from everyone, and it's just the kind of shows I don't see anyone disliking tbh. very well executed & definitely an all time favorite of mine :)

THE REVENGE

probably the most underrated show on this list, this is actually the show I'm the most upset about being underrated lol, bc it's literally SO GOOD. if it was a korean show it'd go viral type of good. this is a very fucked up story so not for the faint of heart but it's executed extremely well, and honestly I don't have much negative to say about this show. flawless performances, an extremely impactful show, and forever one of my favorite thai dramas ever made!

SLEEPLESS SOCIETY: INSOMNIA

another highly underrated thai drama that no one has watched. this is female-led, touches on politics & corruption, has a very different setting from usual & a great plot through and through. the ending is also super iconic & stays on my mind to this day. I really encourage anyone to watch it!

MY RIDE

if you like love sick or my school president, I think my ride will be your cup of tea. it's a pretty simple story but with such lovable characters & a beautiful healthy ship that it immediately became one of my favorite comfort shows. it's the ultimate proof that even a more simple story can be beautiful if given enough soul, quirkiness & love :)

IN FAMILY WE TRUST

in family we trust is a lakorn, but it doesn't feel like a lakorn. apart from the obviously beyond iconic cast at every level, the writing & cinematography are leagues above any other lakorns. for a murder story that should be pretty straightforward, they managed to weave in the interpersonal relationships of the characters perfectly, and this is the kind of show that you can put down once you start. if you've never watched lakorns before, I'd recommend this one to start with since it's quite similar to regular series.

TO SIR, WITH LOVE

another lakorn, another slay! this one is way more lakorn-y so I don't think it's for everyone, but it's literally the only lakorn that treats its queer characters fairly lol & it's such a beautiful love story. it's very dramatic bc 1) lakorn & 2) historical drama with repressed queer characters, but everything in this drama just HITS. you care for the characters so much, and the brother relationship is also so supportive & beautiful and I'm so glad the show never compromised it for some petty drama. overall this show put me through all the emotions & I loved it so much for it lol

GREAT MEN ACADEMY

this show is the proof of the kind of imagination thai film makers have when they get a good budget. the world building of that show is so vibrant & fun, but more than that the writing is really good with endearing characters, good interpersonal relationships, and a really beautiful love story & plot. this is just such a nice show to watch, even with its kind of childish aspect, and once again the cast is great since it's the same as in in family we trust lol. watch both shows back to back & be shook at how drastically different yet so good they both are :)

THE DEBUT

another super underrated show that no one has watched but fucking slaps. not only is it female-led with amazing performances (and a great cast!), but this show really is so well written, with a mystery & a plot twist that will pull you in and make you bingewatch it. the cinematography & colors also slap, and overall it's such a good show that I wish more people would watch.

xxx

#answers #I told sunset about you #project s: skate our souls #project s: side by side #the revenge #sleepless society: insomnia #my ride #to sir with love #great men academy #in family we trust #the debut #this is making me realize how much most of my faves are all from gmmtv lmao #them & nadao

101 notes · View notes

lexyscross · 2 years

Photo

Excuse me, sir, that’s my emotional support fictional family of unhinged, murderous, redneck cannibals!

146 notes · View notes

thesparringpanther · 2 years

Text

The Dragon Prince Book 4 Review:

Just writing down my longer thoughts. It's not like this show will be back this year anyway so.

Pros:

Janaya. My crops were watered. I love delving into Janai's character a bit and showcasing her trials and tribulations as the Sunfire Queen, along with the social dynamic of marrying a human. It's cute seeing Amaya support Janai through her troubles too. I was really hoping the show would showcase the troubles of humans and Elves integrating on a larger scale and not just end with "humans and Sunfire Elves are cool now, let's focus on the 5 other tribes that hate humans" and I'm glad they delivered.

Magefam, but more importantly, Claudia, stole the show. She has stepped up in her villainy and while (thankfully) kept her immaturity and, it's fun to see her slowly become crueler as well. The new spells she used were really good and really made her a threat to the cast and a joy to watch. Also they gave her a different outlook outside of trying to keep her family together (because daddy issues can only take you so far) with her actually believing Aaravos, whereas Viren was always just using him for power.

Terry, full stop. My fear was that Terry would have nothing to him and be an obvious Soren replacement, but, Terry has no real need to impress Viren and somewhat impresses Viren by just being himself. It's a breath of fresh air for the Magefam dynamic, because Soren couldn't impress Viren without becoming someone he's not, and Claudia is his spitting image as a mage, albeit sillier, so even at her worst he'll still love her. Its both heartwarming and heartbreaking that Terry has a closer bond with Viren than Season 1 Soren did (I don't think he likes either BUT he's groaning less with Terry).

It's fun seeing Viren essentially go "Are we the baddies?" to Claudia, who at the very least has murdered people by now.

Ezran has grown so much its unreal. Its very prominent in the 2nd episode with Ezran really wanting to have a whole "and then we all held hands and forgot we've been trying to murder each other for centuries" energy for Zubeia & Zym, it amounts to what a 10-year old's expectation of resolving such a deep-seated conflict, but then stepping up and acknowledging that what he was doing was unrealistic, you cannot just forget about the pain and the damage and the loss and pretend nothing bad happened to strive for peace, you have to remember all of those negative emotions and still strive for peace anyways because you will inevitably just keep causing that same pain for future generations. That boy was raised right.

Rex Igneous is so good. Love the way he was bored of visitors and tore down Avizandum. To me he feels like he's indifferent to humans, whereas Avizandum, Sol Regem, and Zubeia probably were anti-human. Makes me wonder how the Tideblood & Moonshadow Archdragon will act.

Sad that Aaravos had to leave the show for a while to hype his return but him making fun of all the heroes before smashing his own mirror is soooooooo worth it. He knows how important presentation is for villains. I do wonder if that means that Aaravos' consciousness was transferred to Sir Sparklepuff and he didn't want the heroes to wonder why he's braindead in that mirror.

Cons:

I mean I could go on an episode-to-episode basis but uh:

The entire season feels like a first draft, which is disappointing after waiting for 3 years. Overall it's a downgrade compared to Seasons 2 and 3, and at times even worse than Season 1. There are still things I enjoyed but honestly this is the show's worst outing.

The pacing, particularly the Drakewood episodes, are cramped. It doesn't breathe. Character interactions that SHOULD have happened here (Callum & Rayla, Soren & Viren) but didn't because we had other things to address. I get it, but you can't repeat the emotions that could follow Soren after being abandoned by Rayla and captured, stripped of his armor, berated by Claudia that everyone else is treating him like a joke, meeting his dad that makes him feel small and unwanted. Especially when this will be the nicest Viren will ever be in all 7 seasons. I can only hope it was a deleted scene and moved later on so the words can sink in.

Soren being missing and possibly dead or gravely hurt should have raised the stakes and tension for the original Dragang. Instead it feels like a complete afterthought by the start of the next episode.

Rayla.....oof. Disappointing on all accounts. For such a setup of her going on a revenge quest (in a show where revenge quests just cause even more damage) by abandoning her newfound family it's anti-climactic. It's a good thing that they didn't have Rayla come back with info, since that would justify that it was a good thing Rayla left. Most of this season felt like Rayla tagging along for the ride rather than Rayla being one of the main characters.

Maybe it didn't click for me, but, like, alot of the Rayllum scenes didn't have the bite that comes with your ex coming back into your life after ghosting you. There was no emotional catharsis for both. Ultimately their breakup and reunion did not fix any flaw either of them had, so it is functionally meaningless.

Culturally insensitive Amaya works. Culturally insensitive Amaya that is the fiance of the Sunfire Queen does not. The plot makes more sense coming from an Amaya that's either recently dating Janai or pining for her and has recently begun living in the Lux Aurea camps, but it looks like she's been living with Sunfire Elves since the end of Season 3? Not knowing their mourning ritual when this was done en masse following the Fall of Lux Aurea when she was quite literally there? Engaged to the Sunfire Queen? Make it make sense. I'm also not expecting that Amaya should be well-researched into Sunfire culture eithrr, but there needs to be a balance in what Amaya should know and what she shouldn't.

Really disappointed that the other human kingdoms didn't exist this season. Both in the case that Ezran can now do what he wants instead of having to balance between leading a Kingdom and adventuring with Callum & Rayla (which was cool to spin in Book 2 and 3), but also that I think it would be important to highlight that there are just as many factions of humans as there are of elves. Just because 1 kingdom is cool with Elves and Dragons doesn't mean the rest are. Granted the humans seem to be more unified than the Elves, as no other Elves are helping the Sunfire Elves rebuild, so maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. But I still think Ezran should be making policies ALONG with the rest of the Kingdoms rather than just Katollis like how Viren was doing it, even if the end result will just be Ezran running off again.

The season finale is both anticlimactic and confusing, and neither are in a good way. Are the Dragang supposed to end the season without the map so they have to chase the Magefam first? Is that why Rex threw a huge temper tantrum last minute? Why does his trust of the Dragang stay at 0 even after Zubeia calms him down? Is the plot of the show (fate of the world) hinging on the cast not wanting to disturb Rex again? HUH?

#the dragon prince #the dragon prince spoilers #the dragon prince season 4 #tdp analysis

16 notes · View notes

knotmagickstudios · 2 years

Text

ADHD/Autism diagnosis as an adult, part 2

Part one with the background can be found here.

My GP arranged a referral to neuropsychology, and about a week later her office called with more info, and then emailed me a list of local providers. I didn't really know what to look for and didn't have the energy for research, so I just went down the list and made an appointment with the first office that a) picked up the phone b) was taking new clients and c) played nice with my insurance. It was about 5 offices I ended up calling altogether. I'm honestly shocked there were that many places, since there's only 1 office in Ohio that does adult assessments, and they really don't *like* doing adult assessments. They are really more set up to work with kids.

This is only one of the reasons why I didn't pursue a diagnosis in Ohio. The other is that some offices, in order to learn more about your childhood behavior, want to contact friends and family that have known you since you were very young. In my case, that wasn't an option. I'm no longer in contact with any non-family members who knew me before the age of 16, and as I mentioned last time, there's a lot of stigma in my family regarding mental illness and things like ADHD/Autism, so they would either refuse to talk to the doctor, or wouldn't give accurate responses.

Anyway, much to my surprise I only had to wait about 3 weeks to get an appointment. The office called and we made a total of 5 appointments. The first was blocked off for 2 hours for the initial assessment, and the 4 follow up visits would each be an hour. One session had to be in person.

Dr. B and I met over Zoom yesterday. He asked a lot of questions about a lot of different things. We started with the ADHD assessment, since that's what my GP wanted to look at because of my sleep issues. He asked what ADHD symptoms I thought I had, and I was honest: It wasn't on my radar as a possibility until recently. Most of my more ADHD traits have showed up in the past year, more as a result of my fatigue, just because it's so much harder for me to do or think anything when I'm tired. He asked about my energy levels as a kid, how they've changed as an adult, what my organization skills are like, how I manage (or don't manage) time, and things like that.

In the end, he said that if I have ADHD, it's a very mild case; I was a very active kid, but not in a disruptive way. According to him, he things the biggest problem I'm facing right now is low dopamine, but we're going to continue the assessments/follow ups.

We did talk about the possibility of medication, since low dopamine isn't really something that can be treated without it, especially because I'm so fatigued I can't be active. I stated that I don't want to start with a stimulant, at least right now, because of my sleep issues and the diagnostic processes. I want to leave that alone until I have more answers on what is going on physically. He agreed that this was the best move, and suggested two medications that are usually recommended for depression, and would piggyback off my current meds to hopefully raise my dopamine levels enough to where I have some energy and motivation back. But, we are holding off on any meds until appointment 3, when I see him in person. Appointment 2 will be the autism assessment, so once we finish that we'll have a better idea of where things are.

One thing I found funny was that my GP gave me side eye for 2 caffeinated drinks a day (chai latte in the morning and a Barq's rootbeer at lunch) because they are the only way I can stay alert enough to drive myself home from work and function as a human at the office.

Dr. B? "Well, if it's working, keep it up!" He also asked me if I crave carbs. I cackled. "Sir, I am of French descent. My wife will tell you I'll commit murder for good bread."

So now I basically have a prescription for lattes, baked goods, and chocolate, because they help raise my dopamine levels. And now I need "That's my emotional support latte" on a tee shirt. #unionstrong

I know my situation is pretty unique because I'm going through multiple diagnostic processes right now, but isn't every diagnosis unique to some extent? Everyone has some kind of extenuating circumstances, even if you don't realize it at first.

So that is basically where things stand right now. I have my autism assessment in a week, and I'm still waiting to hear back from rheumatology and endocrinology on when I can make appointments with them. As always, I am happy to answer any questions about this process, or my other conditions/diagnostic processes that I can.

#chronic illness #neuropsychology #adhd #autism #adult diagnosis

4 notes · View notes

novelnovella · 2 years

Text

That's What's Killing The Kids

It was early May when word got out about graduation...Eddie's name was to be absent from the program. Nancy was the one to find out, after presenting her valedictorian speech. Higgins asked her to remove Eddie out of her speech and when she refused, the principal threatened to have her speech removed entirely.

When the party heard all this, Dustin and Steve flew into Principal Higgins office in an outrage.

"Why is Eddie not going to be mentioned at the ceremony?! He died along with everyone else and was on track to graduate this year. Why is he being singled out?" asked (more like screamed at) Dustin upon entry.

Mr. Higgins stared at the boys before regaining his composer, "Harrington my boy, good to see you! Henderson...you know exactly why."

Steve finally getting a moment to speak, "Mr. Higgins, excuse us but Eddie was exonerated of any murder charges. In fact, he was a hero that saved Dustin and our other friends during the earthquake. He scarified his life for theirs's Sir."

"Harrington, Henderson, regardless of the statement released by the police, Mr. Munson was a bad egg who continuously left a bad taste in everyone's mouth."

"He was our friend! And the creator of Hellfire Club, a club ran at this very school!" Dustin tries to interject.

The principal continues as if he hadn't heard the boy, "His presence would be an unsettling distraction away from remembering those who actually contributed to this school and the community. And furthermore, I've been asked by both the Cunningham and Carver families to remove his name from the graduation bill." replies Principal Higgins, in a very callous and diplomatic way.

"Jason started manhunt for Eddie! And Patrick was a part of it. How is that "contributing to the community"", Dustin yells while slamming his fists against the man's desk.

Higgins rises to reprimand Dustin's aggressive behavior when Steve asks, "How much did they pay you?" Principle Higgins slowing sits back down. "I'll double that to have him placed back in."

"I don't appreciate the insinuation that I can be bought off Mr. Harringt-"

The new gymnasium says otherwise...Sir" Steve cuts in.

After a few moments of heated tension, Dustin steps forward placing a hand on Steve's shoulder.

"We can see that your mind can't be changed sir, sorry for the interruption. We'll be going now." Dustin nods his head to the door and walks to leave, with a confused Steve trailing behind him.

"Henderson, what happened to not leaving that office till we get Eddie remembered?" asked Steve as they make their way to the parking lot.

Dustin pausing before opening the passenger's side door of Steve's BMW, "I have a plan. And if it goes right, Higgins will regret ever thinking that Eddie could be forgotten" he said with his signature smile.

And that was how operation Eddie the Hero was born.

The following weeks leading up to Graduation, The Party assembled and planned. They gathered new members and NDA's were broken... cause in the end it was important that these people knew just how much Eddie did for them all. Whether the town appreciated it or not.

Graduation day arrived and The Party filed in along with the proud parents of the Class of 1986. Upon seeing them arrive, Higgins pulled them aside and asked them to not make a scene. Dustin reassures him that they were there to support their friends and nothing more. Taking up the first two rows bleachers, they all sat and waited. Nancy stood tall and delivered a riveting speech, filled with warmth and emotion. Beautiful words spoken about the injustice of those who are gone, looking out for the lost and leading them, and be authentically yourself. Nancy ends her speech with the moniker, "Never Change", and receives her diploma.

Robin follows up next with getting her diploma and receives a large fanfare from family and friends plus an enthusiastic "woot woot" from Steve. Jeff makes his way across the stage and the Hellfire crowd (Gareth and Frankie sitting nearby) proudly shout and cheer for their fellow member.

Higgins makes his way further thru the alphabet...I, J,K, L until he arrives at the M's. "Jessica Mully!", he proudly says and watches her cross towards him. He shakes her hand and continues on, "Matth-" when he sees something out of the corner of his eye.

Dustin slowly rises. holding a sign above his head.

-Eddie Munson saved my life-

Higgins goes to say something, but more people start to rise...Steve holding another sign

-Eddie Munson deserves to graduate-

Mike's saying

-Eddie Munson 86' baby-

Lucas's saying

-Eddie Munson cannot be forgotten

Max's saying

-Eddie Munson cannot be erased-

more people rise, Gareth Frankie Joyce Johnathan Hopper Erica Claudia Will El.

Discomfort rings thru the auditorium, while Higgins try's to think of how best to handle the situation. While the Party start to move and leave the bleachers, he sees movement from the group of students behind him. Nancy, Robin, and Jeff all approach and walk past him to gather with the small group standing below Higgins on the stage. All of them look up at him, dead in the eye, and flip him the bird. They throw their signs and graduation caps at his feet and turn to leave.

Higgins stands frozen and stunned on the stage as he watches this group leave when he notices a figure at the door. Every one of the kids stops to give him either a hug or a pat on the shoulder. The man, Wayne Munson, turns to look at Principal Higgins. His face full of disgust, anger, and disappointment. He shakes his head as to dislodge such hard emotions, and flips Higgins off before following the group out the door.

#strangerthings #eddie munson #the party #eddie the hero #give him a happy ending #justice for eddie #eddie munson 86 #let the man graduate

1 note · View note

youssefguedira · 3 years

Note

gooood morning Neon! Please would you share your favourite Nile & Joe & Nicky headcanons with me? I think I'd very much like some good friendship right now 👉 👈

goooooood morning anon!!!! here are a few:

nile and joe and nicky have baking competitions and get andy to judge them (andy's really just there to eat all the things they make)

nicky tries to get nile to give up her chocolate chip cookie recipe every time. he does not succeed ever

when nile has bad days + misses her family, joe and nicky get ice cream and they sit together until she's ready to talk

also, nicky makes tea for her when she has nightmares

had another anon who suggested the idea of joe helping w/ nile's hair and nile painting joe's nails and it's one of my new favourite headcanons for them

also, art buddies joe and nile

all four of them play a game where they tell nile a story about their lives and nile has to guess if it actually happened or if it's made up. joe is the worst at this because nile always manages to figure out when he's lying. andy is fairly good but most of her stories are true because she's just seen So Much. nicky is terrifyingly good at it because everything he says sounds sincere. once he managed to convince booker that joe was actually the one who painted the mona lisa and booker actually fell for it. joe laughed for ten full minutes when booker asked him just to confirm. nicky has never let it go

nicky and nile are the ones who wake up earliest. joe wakes up to find nile and nicky in the kitchen having been there since 6.30am and thinks Oh No There's Two Of Them

nile plays violin and nicky plays guitar!!!! they duet sometimes

#neon answers #anonymous #the old guard #joe!!!#nicky!!!#nile!!!#sir that's my emotional support murder family

83 notes · View notes

stark-park · 3 years

Text

The Old Guard Immortal Fam Aesthetic/Moodboard

#the old guard #starkpark edits #togsource #immortal fam #my edit #tog #andromache the scythian / andy #yusuf al kaysani / joe #nicolo di genova / nicky #sebastien le livre / booker #nile freeman #sir that's my emotional support murder family #the old guard aesthetic #the old guard graphic #tog moodboard #userbones #userlyra #usernati

159 notes · View notes

rere-the-writer · 3 years

Note

Poly! Mikaelson (including Finn & Freya please) (headcanon and/or oneshot) where their precious soulmate is a 6-year-old who they met when they were out to get an enemy and she witnessed the killing and Mikaelson thought they screwed up and you would be scared of them but the thing is the reader was a little thankful (not that she would show it to the Mikaelsons) that they killed the enemies off because they would use her and the Mikaelsons being all lovey dovey and their life afterward

Yes and yes we are doing a blurb on how they found the soul mate and headcanons of just Fluff and the relationship

Warnings: Fluff, violence, blood, Protective Mikaelsons,

You were being lead to a room by two vampires as you were taken by these vampires because you could see the future and look into people's past. You were the last witch of your coven as the vampires had slaughtered your coven learning of your gift

You could feel how angry your soul mates were as they could feel when ever the vampires hurt you. You were sat on a chair and told to see if the vampires could take out the Mikaelsons, your soul mates.

"Sir! They are he......" a vampire was cut off when his heart was torn out snapped you out of doing your magic seeing the Mikaelsons. You flinched feeling blood spatter on your cheek when a vampire in front of you dropped dead and Finn stood in front of you worried he scared you.

"Thank you for saving me." You say quietly with a soft smile on your face as Elijah walked over frowning. Elijah crouch down pulling out a handkerchief wiping your cheek as your soul hearts glowed softly.

"Our soul mate is a bit young."

"Kol, the marks are platonic." Elijah said finish cleaning you up and was surprised when you hugged him. They took you home having you under their care not trusting the covers.

Elijah, Finn, Freya and Rebekah are the softest with you while Klaus and Kol are the most protective

Kol and Rebekah taking you on little road trips for the day

Freya taking you to met Vincent to help with your magic

You asking Elijah to help make a little coven made up of you, Freya, and Davina

Finn carrying you on his shoulders when going to the witch's market with Freya

Klaus showing you how to paint when he learns it soothes you

Rebekah dressing you up

"Little one, what are you doing?" "Helping Kol bury his hopes and dreams." Cue Elijah get the family together to talk to Kol

Klaus and Kol glaring at boys around your age when invited to a classmates birthday party

"This is my emotional support little witch." Freya tells Vincent when cuddling you

"Niklaus, you can't buy out a hold toy store because Hope and Y/N wantedyou to!" "I can and I will Elijah!"

"Yeah, I murdered that guy but he tried taking Y/N." "Ah well I won't tell Elijah, Bex."

You only sleeping on Elijah, Finn or Klaus

Freya, Rebekah or Kol gets cuddles

You rarely sleeping in your own bed

Elijah and Finn just reading with you or playing music with you

Klaus and you having little secret days out which ends with you being carried back home

"You know when she gets older she'll have a romantic soulmate and won't be around anymore." "Shut up Hayley!"

They are more clingy after the talk with Hayley

You and Kol just hiding away somewhere away from the family

Freya teaching you new spells

Finn helping you with a little garden you made

Rebekah helping you buy surprise gifts for the others something you started doing the first of every month

Elijah just sitting and holding you for lazy Sunday afternoons

Klaus taking you out on wolf runs when he learns it is your favorite animal

Freya and you baking together

"But we already have an angel for the tree." "Kol, you are not going to place Y/N on top of the tree."

Making Christmas cookies with Freya and Finn

"I got a part in my Christmas pageant!" "Every good, little witch."

These people are in the front row cheering whenever you were on stage

"Karen, you are just jealous your daughter sucks at ballet." "Kol, stop picking fights with moms."

You have never felt so loved and protected than from them

"Always and Forever, little witch." "Always and Forever."

#rere writes #mikaelson family x reader #mikaelson family fluff #freya mikaelson x reader #finn mikaelson imagine #elijah mikaelson imagine #klaus mikaelson imagine #kol mikaelson imagine #rebekah mikaelson imagine

648 notes · View notes

love-beyond-space-war · 3 years

Text

Requested a while ago. Never tried to write for him until now....

"I've Heard Stories"

John-117 (Master Chief) x Female! Reader

Synopsis: You are a Spartan-IV sent on a mission with John-117 himself. You've heard stories of the Spartan-II in many other missions, such as fighting fleets of covenant alone. You've even heard rumors of what Spartan-IIs went through compared to Spartan-IVs. You knew not to get on his bad side, but you also couldn't help but admire him.

Content Warning/Note: Maybe some spoilers for Master Chief's past? This does not take place in any specific game. Slight Angst (?) No real romantic connection, more or less just you trying to understand and respect John, although it's implied. I just let my mind ramble for this 😅 Spartan-II/Spartan-IV generation gap?

To be a Spartan-IV wasn't easy. It was a role you had to learn and earn. Despite this, even you knew you had nothing on Spartan-II.

You were one of the newest sets of Spartan. Yet, Chief, was one of the first. Being near the veteran was both fascinating, yet unnerving.

If there was one thing you were sure about, it was that this mission was getting done.

From what you've heard any mission the Chief was on was accomplished skillfully.

Maybe that's why you found him endearing, almost....

You looked up to him in a way. Master Chief was humanity's beacon of hope. Someone you could only aspire to be. You respected him.

You also...sympathized with him.

Spartan-IIs were the first to be trained. Taken from their families to become a machine meant for murder and death against unknown threats.

Spartans were meant to be humanity's weapon.

While you, as a Spartan-IV, had chosen to serve as said weapon.

Chief hadn't.

He had been bred to win, he had been raised to fight.

You couldn't fathom what he's seen.

"Hostiles, on our right!" You warn, aiming down your weapon.

"Stay in cover!" Chief calls, you and the mix of Spartans and Marines obeyed and listened to his orders.

You wished you could offer some sort of support for the fellow Spartan. Yet you weren't sure if you would even get a chance.

Chief, was raised to kill and emote as little as possible. Trying to reach out and speak with him seemed as though it would get you nowhere unless you were Blue Team.

So, for now, you decided to show your respect in the form of combat. You vowed to yourself that you'd fight for him. If you could help just a little, you were content.

"This way." Chief gestures, urging you to follow with a group of Marines. You needed to clear the area so the main group needed to split up.

"Understood, sir!" You confirm on your display, following the green suited Spartan.

The current area is cleared enough for everyone to breathe, but it would only be a matter of time before there would be more.

"It's an honor to work with you, sir." You comment softly, keeping pace with the better experienced soldier. Chief glances towards you. "I've heard stories about your triumphs."

"Triumphs?" He answers, looking back ahead to see if any hostiles had come into sight.

"Of course. I'm pretty sure only you could take on Covenant in hoards alone. It's courageous, really."

"I'm just doing what I've been born to do." Chief answers. You frown inside your helmet.

Born to do....

"I'm sorry...." Chief looks at you again briefly. "I've...only heard what Spartan-IIs have gone through. I can't even imagine such..." You trail off, clearing your throat.

Chief doesn't answer you for a moment. You feel as though you said the wrong thing. Nervously you fixate to what's in front of you in search of enemies.

Maybe a firefight can cut the tension....

"...That's not important." Chief doesn't seem upset or angry, just...distant.

You take a deep breath.

"I know...but...how can one person suffer so much alone?" You feel as though you're pushing your place.

"It's not of your concern." Chief continues. "Humanity is more important."

You decide to drop the conversation.

"Alright... I stepped out of line, sir. Just...know I won't just fight for humanity."

You check your rifle.

"I'll fight for you, too."

Chief's visor didn't leave your direction.

"...Why?"

You look briefly to the other Spartan.

"...I respect you."

With that, you continue your mission.

It was best that you didn't push yourself to understand Chief too hard.

There are some things you'll just never understand about Spartan-IIs

There are some things you'll just never understand about him

#master chief x reader #john 117 x reader #halo reader insert #halo insert #halo x reader

264 notes · View notes

rosepolaris · 3 years

Text

please sir that’s my emotional support matriarchal murder family

#i love these girls with my whole heart #lady dimitrescu #lady d shitposting

597 notes · View notes

sunshine-on-my-mind · 3 years

Text

Home, finally

one-shot

pairing: Andy Barber x Reader

description: Andy find comforts in someone when almost the whole world is against him. The bond grows stronger between them.

Words: 4.9k

Warnings: ANGST!! Fluff, Emotional infidelity (??), age gap (not specified) talk of divorce, crying, broken marriage.

a/n: I have worked hard on this one, hope you all like this, do reblog if you enjoy reading this. Any feedback is appreciated. This is my second work so I am not even sure if I am doing an okay job but I somehow got this idea and just wanted to write about it.

i do not own the characters Andy, Jacob and Laurie.

PLEASE DO NOT COPY MY WORK OR POST IT ANYWHERE.

I made the moodboard and the divider.

The knock on the door brings back Andy to reality, in a way it saves him from his thoughts. “Sir, are you busy?” her voice calms him, he asks her to come in. “Sir, it’s pretty late, maybe you should call it a day?” It is pretty late, how did it slip his mind? Maybe because his mind is a hollow place right now and ironically filled with so many thoughts.

“Right it’s late, I was actually going through these files” he picks up the file closest to him “Those?” she worries about him, she approaches his desk. “Yeah these, i-“ she interrupts him “Sir, that has been solved at least a month ago”. Andy doesn’t know what to say, well it’s not like he needs to say anything, she understands. Even though Y/n has been his assistant just for a year, she has learned a lot about the respectable ADA Andy Barber. Although the recent turn of events have changed everything. With his son, Jacob been accused of murder and the trial going on, Andy is hardly himself. Each passing day he seems to lose himself gradually and everything else. She genuinely cares about his well-being.

After a minute of silence Andy looks at her, “You should have left, it’s pretty late.”

She smiles. Such a warm smile, Andy feels good for a second, that smile seems like sunshine filled with hope, a reassuring smile.

“I wouldn’t be a very good assistant if I would leave when my boss is working so late, right?”

“I am sorry I didn’t even check the time” The truth is he doesn’t want to check the time, he feels like a failure, and going home will just remind him that. Is it his home anymore though? Doesn’t feel like it.

“You should go home now Y/n”

“What about you? It’s pretty late you should go home too.”

“I think I’ll stay here a little longer”

“I- I don’t want to leave you alone”

Andy doesn’t know how to react, recently he has been so stressed, so self-critical that one ounce of kindness and care seems unbelievable to him. But she, she cares for him, besides being a great assistant, she is a kind and supportive human. Andy thought she may leave the job as his assistant, but she didn’t, sometimes her words ring in his mind - ‘everything will be alright’. Sometimes he just re-plays that in his head.

“Alright then” Andy gives a barely there smile, “I’ll wrap up everything and then we can leave together” She nods and goes out of his cabin to wait for him. Andy is about to leave when his phone rings. It’s Laurie.

“Yeah” Andy says. On the other side, Laurie asks about him being late, says she is scared and nervous and Andy is being very irresponsible. “Listen I got caught up” He tries to stay calm. Laurie scoffs saying what can be more important than his son and his trial. “What do you think I am doing huh? All I do is think about Jacob, try to investigate things on my own as much as I can, I constantly worry about him okay? I may not be the best husband but I try my best to be a good father. I am trying everything I can.” He almost yells. Y/n can hear the muffled voice from outside. Before huffing and hanging up the call, Laurie doesn’t fail to mention that he should have been a better father. He bangs his fist loudly on the desk, he cannot take it more, he- “Sir? are you okay?” she comes without knocking, she got scared. Andy stares at her. “Do I- do I look okay? no. Am I okay? no. Does it matter? no.” He says a bit loud, she stands near the door. “Sir, I-I just want to help. I am sorry” and with that Andy tells her to leave, before she could say anything he repeats himself. “Go home Y/n” She nods and leaves his office.

She is standing outside, trying to book a cab, it’s difficult to find one now, it’s pretty late, it’s too dark to walk home alone. She is trying to think of a solution when Andy comes and stands next to her. “You don’t have a car I know, I’ll drop you” she has to take up this offer even though she doesn’t want to trouble him anymore.

The car ride was silent. When they are almost close to Y/n’s house Andy finally breaks the silence, “I am sorry, I am sorry for snapping at you, I shouldn’t have, I know you’re just trying to help, I lost my cool and I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s alright Sir, I understand.” why does she? Why does she understand? When almost everything is going wrong, when he feels so alone, why is there? She shouldn’t have to deal with him and his messed up life. She can get a better job, and a better boss.

“So that’s me” she says, Andy stops the car.

She hesitates to ask the next thing, she shouldn’t overstep but she just can’t see her boss like this, he seems miserable. “Sir, I am very sorry if I am overstepping but um- would you like to come in? Have some tea? Or-“ "Is there something with alcohol?” he looks at her. “I may have a couple of beers. And I have some wine, not something fancy though” Andy says that will work. So there he is at his assistant’s house having a glass of wine. Surprisingly enough it doesn’t feel awkward, in fact the atmosphere is pretty calm.

“I am sorry that I can’t be more helpful sir, I understand you are going through a lot but please have some faith, everything will be alright.” Andy can’t help but be in awe with her right now. “You are doing so much, you have no idea. I cannot thank you enough.”

“Sir please don’t thank me, I am trying to be a good assistant, I understand things are difficult and maybe not a lot of people are in your corner right now but I am. I have faith that things will be better soon. I am here for you.” He can cry any moment now, with his life being a complete mess, with him feeling so alone, Y/n is giving him hope. The moment is interrupted by Laurie’s call. Andy just picks up the call and stays quiet. Y/n can hear all the screaming and yelling from the other side. Andy just listens. “I am sorry but I am not coming back tonight, just give me this night, please.” He hangs up. Y/n doesn’t know what to say. “Don’t worry, I’ll go back to the office and spend the night there.” She cannot let him stay alone, it doesn’t feel right “You should stay here tonight, the only problem is that you will have to sleep on this couch.” Andy too doesn’t want to leave, but he doesn’t want to trouble her. As if she can read his mind, she immediately says “It’s alright, I’d be happy to know that you’re not alone tonight.” It’s true, after a long time he doesn’t feel alone, he isn’t alone tonight.

“I know I am being selfish, I know I should be with my family but I need just one night off you know? I am going crazy and if I go back tonight chances are it’s going to be a yelling competition between me and my wife and that won’t be good for anyone, especially Jacob.” He finishes the rest of the wine. “I am not saying my wife isn’t going through a lot too, but even if it is selfish I just need one night, a little time, I-I-“ he cannot finish his sentence before breaking down into tears. He hides his face with his hands and just keeps on crying. Y/n thinks about rubbing his back and soothing him but hesitates. She shouldn’t but she wants to, she cannot see him like this. She gently, very gently places her hand on his back. He is shaking. She can feel it, she can feel all his pent up emotions and stress slowly being let out with those tears. “Sir, as much as I hate to see you cry, sometimes it helps to let out pent emotions, it’s okay, let it out, I am here” Andy cannot stop crying, her words affecting him. Her hand radiating warmth.

After about two minutes, he looks at her, she gradually removes her hand and places it on the couch beside him, making sure not to touch him, he misses the contact of her hand but doesn’t say anything. He wants to say so many things right now but he doesn’t, just says, “Call me Andy, at least outside work.”

“I just want you to know you’re not being selfish, I am seeing you work hard everyday, trying your best, as you said I am sure your wife is going through a lot too, so is your son but then again so are you. You all need to stay functional too and for that do not let all those thoughts take over you. So recharge your self tonight, get some sleep, you have to fight a little longer unfortunately but I have a strong feeling the results at the end will be good. Just hang in there.”

Andy holds her hand. “Thank you for letting me stay and everything else. I am grateful to have someone as kind as you by my side.” She is about to stand up when she realises he is still holding her hand. As if on cue, he leaves her hand, he didn’t want to, she too misses the contact. How can she? What is she thinking? No, no this is nothing but her calming down her boss who is extremely troubled right now. He should sleep now and so should she. Andy too doesn’t exactly understand what is happening, all he knows is that her presence is calming him. Her presence feels like- feels a lot like home. “Alright then, good night, sleep well.” she stands up, about to leave. “Good night Y/n” Is her name actually that good or is it him saying it that makes it so much better. It’s better not to think about it.

“Thank you” Andy thanks y/n for the coffee. The trial is coming to an end in some days and after a long time things are looking minutely positive for them, with Andy’s dedication and to some extent desperation, and with y/n being there as a reliable assistant, they were able to get some evidence that proved to be helpful. Even though y/n has been his assistant for quite some time, after that night, they have grown closer. Andy who used to keep all his worries to himself, gradually let his guard down in front of y/n. They have become friends. He knows he can rely on her, she knows he is trustworthy. “You’re welcome Sir” she smiles.

“Hey y/n?” she turns back and faces him. “Are you free after work today? I was thinking we could go grab some food at the diner? My treat.” She looks confused. “Is there an occasion Sir? It’s not your birthday I know that.” Andy cannot help but smile.

“No I just wanted to give you a treat, after everything you have done for me. I thought this can be like a small gesture of appreciation.”

“Sir the fact that you thought about this gesture is more than enough, I am sure you’re busy with the trial coming to an end, I wouldn’t want to take up your time.”

“Well I am not busy, and you deserve a little break too, you have been working hard, so let’s go to the diner if you’re free. I know you like milkshakes.”

She smiles, he remembers? She may have said once or twice that she loves milkshakes. “Well I can’t say no to milkshakes, alright then.” Andy nods to that.

“This burger is so good.” Y/n said with food in her mouth. Andy chuckles at that. She is so cute. “I am glad you like it.” she nods and slurps her milkshake. Andy has a constant smile on his face, he is happy to see her so happy with just burgers and milkshakes. Y/n is happy, definitely because of the tasty food but mainly because of this gesture. She won’t admit how much this actually, truly means to her. “So Y/n you’re such a good assistant, you know a lot about me, but look at me I haven’t even tried to get to know you much.” She looks up while slurping her milkshake. “No sir-“ He corrects her about calling him by his name. “Sorry, Andy you do know me, besides I have heard how bosses can be super rude and unpleasant so I think I got pretty lucky with you. You’re kind and nice and sweet. Also hey you do know I like milkshakes.” Andy has that smile plastered on his face which now morphs into a laugh. A laugh, after so many days, she smiles at that, she is seeing him laugh after a long time. “Yes I know that, but what else do you like?” She likes making him smile, not that she would say that. “I like cooking, watching movies. I have very few friends, sometimes we go out, but personally I like staying in more.” Andy nods. The next thing he is about to ask, he isn’t sure whether he should, he doesn’t want to cross a line, but somehow he really wants to know it. “Are you dating someone?” She wasn’t expecting that. “Um no, i haven’t even been on many dates actually, the last time I was supposed to have a date and I got stoop up. I have an ex but i don’t even know if he ever considered me his girlfriend. I-“ she stops midway, realizing she has babbled a lot. “I am sorry to hear that, I mean I am little shocked actually, you are so nice.” she looks at her food, fidgets with it. “Yeah well nice isn’t good enough for guys to like me. Anyway that is something I have stopped thinking about, I don’t think I’ll get anyone.” Andy cannot believe what she just said. She is wonderful, caring, sweet, funny and beautiful. how can she think like that? “You really think that? You’re so wonderful, you’re funny, you’re talented, caring, sweet and b- well you are great! really, I think what you are saying doesn’t make sense, I am sorry that you have encountered some jerks all this while but I am sure you’ll get someone who will love you, cherish you and respect you. Besides, don’t get me wrong, most guys your age are stupid.” She smiles, she doesn’t usually get so many compliments. That last line is true, maybe most guys her age are kinda stupid. Maybe someone older, someone more matured will realize her value? “That’s very kind of you Andy.” She cannot help but look at him. She admires him, a lot. Every time she starts feeling anything other than respect for him she constraints herself immediately. He is married, has a kid, and he is totally out of her league. Granted he has had some troubles recently in his marriage but she hopes everything gets solved so that he can be happy. Y/n really wants Andy to be happy. “Well maybe I am not the best person to give relationship advice, considering how my marriage has fallen apart, but I truly believe you are wonderful and deserve someone great.”

“Andy, don’t say that, with time people can grow apart and the sad part is maybe not either is at fault, it just happens. Life changes everything at times, it changes people, changes feelings. What works for someone may not for someone else. There isn’t any right or wrong relationship advice I believe. Although when people say love is complicated, I disagree with that a bit, I feel love is very simple, we make it complicated.” How is she like this? Andy admires the way she thinks.

“Again you didn’t have to drop me but thanks a lot” She is about to step out of the car when Andy calls her name and she faces him. “Look I know recently I have shared some personal information with you, and obviously we have grown closer, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. It’s just I don’t have a lot of people to talk to and you make me feel so comfortable. If you think I am crossing a line do tell me.” She gives him a reassuring smile. “Andy I am glad you can trust me.” That’s all she says. Andy looks at her, maybe he was expecting her to say something more. But she doesn’t. “Y/n i - i think I will get a divorce after the trial ends and when the situation is better. I respect Laurie too much and I know she has gone through a lot and I feel that getting divorced would be better for both of us and for Jacob too. We have fought a lot recently, and I don’t like Jacob seeing that. Plus maybe we all need a fresh start. I love my family but Laurie is now just the mother of my child. I have tried to feel more but I can’t, not anymore.” She doesn’t want to read between lines, doesn’t want to make out some other meaning behind this. She loses her train of thoughts when Andy places his hand on hers. “Y/n if you’re wondering why I am saying all this right now, then I don’t know how to answer that, maybe because I don’t know why I said it.” she is about to say something when Andy cuts her off “Or maybe I do know.” He looks into her eyes. There is so much to ask, so much to say but they choose to sit quietly in the car and look at each other. The atmosphere in the car is gradually changing. “I should go” She says, Andy removes his hand and nods. She steps out.

“Thank you An- Sir for the treat, I had a great time.” He doesn’t correct her this time. He smiles and says “Thank you for spending time with me.”

Y/n cannot stop thinking about that conversation, neither can Andy. Andy is scared he crossed the line. He cannot lose her trust, her respect. He cannot lose Y/n. Maybe he shouldn’t have said all that, maybe it was too much for her. She is not dumb she understands the situation. What does she think though, what does she feel? Andy stares at the ceiling of the guest room and keeps on thinking. It has been months since he is sleeping in the guest room. He picks up his phone, it’s late, he wants to text y/n but he doesn’t want to make things worse. What should he do. Before he can grasp his emotions his phone blinks.

It’s a text. From Y/n.

Y/n: “I am sorry for texting at this hour. I am sorry for stepping out of the car like that without saying much. I am not very smart when it comes to these things but I just want you to know that I respect you very much. I admire your work and dedication and how much you care about others. I have seen you doubt yourself as a father but if my opinion means anything to you then trust me when I say you’re an amazing father. You care a lot about your family. Sir I understand feelings may change but sometimes some relations are worth giving more time. It’s not really my place to say any of this probably but I personally don’t want you to regret something later. You were talking about a fresh start, maybe you all can take a fresh start as a family, together. Again it’s your life and I am no one to say anything. Sometimes things are better the way they are, even if the excitement of ‘what could happen’ or ‘what if’ makes us curious, it can be troublesome. Sorry if this makes you feel bad in anyway, I truly admire you and respect you for the person you are Andy.”

She has sent the message with a lot of courage. The conversation in the car changes a lot of things. It’s not that her heart didn’t skip a beat in the car when Andy said all that. But she respects him too much and doesn’t want him to make any decision that he may regret later. He is married, he has a son, he has a family. Y/n someday wants her own little family and to think that in any way she can anyway stop a family from being happy just breaks her heart. Specially Andy’s. After all his happiness means more to her than her own. After all she- well it’s not like she will admit it. Some things don’t need to be said.

Is it possible that Andy is getting more and more mesmerized by her? She is so pure, so kind. He types back the reply.

Andy: “Y/n, thank you for being so understanding, thank you for taking care of me when no one was there. I know I have thanked you before but I really cannot thank you enough. All I can say is that I am always here for you, if you ever need anything. That being said, the fresh start you are suggesting, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it. I had talked to Laurie too, we think we need a separate fresh start. I am lucky to have met you Y/n, like you said I don’t want to regret something later.”

Her heart seems a little less heavy after reading this. Wait why is she smiling like a teenager? She is blushing. She quickly sends a reply.

Y/n: “I just want you to be happy and I hope you know I am always here for you too.”

Andy: “I know you are and that makes me happy.”

Y/n: “Good night Andy. Sleep well”

Andy: “I will now, good night Y/n”

Andy loves the colour blue. A blue tie would be a great gift for him. Y/n gets a blue tie for his birthday. The Barbers are having a small get together for Andy’s birthday. Joanne, Jacob’s lawyer suggested them to seem as normal as possible, anyway the case seems to be in their favour now and the trial will end in a few days. So they shouldn’t behave like a guilty family. Andy has invited a few friends and colleagues and Y/n is invited too.

“Happy Birthday Sir!” Y/n says as she gives Andy his present. Andy thanks her and welcomes her to his house. With her here it feels a little more like home. She can make any place feel like home. He introduces her. “Jake, this is my assistant Y/n and Y/n I think you have met Laurie before.” They exchange greetings. Laurie is so beautiful. Jacob seems like a great kid. It’s very sad what he had to go through. What they all had to go through.

“Come on Dad, it’s time to cut the cake!!” Jacob ushers Andy over and asks him to blow the candles. Andy does. He wishes for Jacob’s safety and that they win the case. He had another wish but seems like that may have already been granted. He looks up at her, she is there clapping with others, but she is the only one who has been with him in this difficult phase unlike others. He cuts the cake and cuts out a small piece and feeds Jacob. That’s when it happens, Laurie kisses Andy. Andy is taken aback for a second but then he kisses her again. Right that is how married couples behave don’t they? He is still married. Then why are tears forming in Y/n’s eyes? What has she been thinking all this while? This is the reality. Andy is married and seems to have a great wife. She excuses herself and Andy doesn’t fail to notice that. He quickly goes to find her. She is standing in the lawn trying desperately to hold back the tears even though crying because of this seems so wrong.

“Y/n?” she composes herself. “Sorry sir I- I was- I got a call, had to take it, you have a great home by the way.” Andy moves closer to her but she steps back. “This doesn’t feel like a home anymore Y/n. It’s missing the warmth.” She suddenly unexpectedly snaps at him. “Really? Didn’t seem like that just few minutes ago.” Andy keeps quiet. What has she done? It’s wrong. “I am so sorry Sir I-“She gets cut off by Andy. “We are supposed to act like a loving family. Jake’s lawyer thinks that publicly we have to appear as a normal loving family since a troubled family would ruin Jacob’s image even more. There is a belief that troubled families have ill effects on kids. So we are portraying ourselves as a happy married couple but we aren’t. I don’t love her anymore Y/n. I lo-“ She stops Andy from saying anything more. “The lawyer is right. Troubled families do have ill effects on kids. Jacob has already been through a lot. You should give this another shot, Laurie seems wonderful, and she is so beautiful. You all should talk it out. Family is everything Sir, family comes first.” Andy tries to protest but she doesn’t let him. “Sir, sometimes some things just aren’t worth it. I’ll head home, happy birthday again. Goodbye.” she leaves, Andy wants to stop her but he doesn’t, right now things would get more complicated if he did. He wants to scream out, why? Why is this happening? Yes he agrees with her concern about Jacob’s well-being but he and Laurie won’t be able to stay together like a happy married couple for long, it won’t work out and that will probably affect Jacob even more. All of a sudden that ‘goodbye’ hits him. Goodbye? Is it? Did he lose her?

Y/n kept crying for two days even though she felt disgusted with herself for crying because of this. That unfortunately didn’t stop her from crying her heart out. Andy texted her, she hasn’t replied yet. Andy is so tensed he hasn’t heard from Y/n for two days. When a message arrives it shatters Andy’s heart even more. It’s not a text message, it’s an email. Her resignation letter. She says she will clean out her desk after some days. She didn’t fail to wish him luck for the end of the trial though. And finally the day comes, Jacob is proven innocent in front of law. The Barber Family is happy. Jacob hugs Andy and Andy feels good, he has been so stressed about this case, so much has happened during this time, finally all their efforts have been successful.

A series of “congratulations” and “I knew Jacob was innocent” keep on coming to them. Even though most of these people weren’t even beside them during the actual troubled time. Jacob doesn’t want to look back, neither do Andy and Laurie.

Andy receives a text. It’s Y/n “Congratulations, take care” Andy is about to call her when Jacob calls him and asks him they should go out for dinner to celebrate.

It has been two weeks. Y/n is looking for a new job. She didn’t go herself to collect the things from the office, requested a friend to go on her behalf. She too needs a fresh start. She makes her self some coffee and goes through some job openings.

A knock on the door. It’s Andy. “Can I come in please? Please.” She steps away from the door and he comes in. Andy doesn’t wait any time and gives her the paper in his hand. Divorce papers. Signed by both. “Before you say something, Jacob suggested the divorce. I love my son the most and always will, but things are different between me and Laurie. We all sat down together and had a talk and he suggested us getting a divorce before we even said that we were planning to. I was so proud to see how my son has grown so matured. He said he loves us both and he realizes that us staying together won’t make either of us happy and he wants us to be happy.” Y/n couldn’t stop her tears this time. Andy rushes closer to her takes her smaller hands in his. “Look at me please.” She does, still sobbing. “I know you deserve better, but if you give me a chance I promise I will do my best to make you happy. You make me so happy you have no idea. You feel like home Y/n. I love you so much.” She hugs him, she cannot control anymore. “I love you Andy,” Andy wraps her tightly, brings her as close as possible. She pulls apart and he wipes the tears with his thumbs. “I just didn’t want to be the reason to break your marriage. I want you to be happy.” He kisses her forehead. "I know sweetheart, I know. But you didn’t break my marriage, it was already broken, for quite some time, the recent incidents just gave me a chance to realize that. I was broken too, but you fixed me.” She looks up at him. “You make me feel so safe Andy, you feel like home too.”

He kisses her softly on the lips and both of them smile against each other’s lips. They are home, finally.

#andy barber #andy barber x y/n #andy barber x reader #andy barber angst #andy barber fluff #chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans angst #angst #andy barber fanfiction #one shot

319 notes · View notes

blackswaneuroparedux · 3 years

Text

ltdan2288 asked: As a fellow veteran of the Afghan Campaign, might I ask if you have any thoughts about the imminent end of Allied air support & combat-advisory operations over there? The fall of large swaths of the country to the Taliban is already underway, which can only be seen as an unspeakable tragedy for the people there. From a strategic perspective, there’s no reason to believe that we won’t have to return in some capacity of AQ or ISIS reestablish themselves under Taliban sponsorship. At the same time, it’s not clear to me that our presence did anything beyond kick the can down the road and delay this inevitable outcome. As someone with such a deep knowledge of military history, I’m curious if you have a different perspective.

I have been avoiding answering this post for a while now because Afghanistan dredges up so many conflicting emotions inside me. I wrestle with so many memories of my time there with my regiment to fight in a war that we all didn’t really understand what we were fighting for.

Deep breath.

Almost two decades of conflict in Afghanistan has cost British taxpayers £22.2billion, or $31.3 billion according to UK government figures. As British troops prepare to leave Afghanistan, the 20-year deployment bill could be even higher. As of May 2021, the total cost of Operation Herrick (codename for the deployment of British soldiers to Helmand province) is £22.2billion. There were 457 fatalities on, or subsequently due to, Op Herrick. Of which 403 were due to hostile action. During the operation between January 1, 2006 and November 30, 2014, there were 10,382 British service personnel casualties. Of these 5,705 were injuries and the remainder being illness or disease. The UK’s remaining 750 troops in Afghanistan, involved in training local forces, started exiting the war-devastated country in May. Most of them will return home by the end of July.

They, like every one of us who went to fight in Afghanistan, will ask the same questions, ‘Why did we go there?’ ‘What was the real purpose of the mission?’ ‘Was it worth it?’

Both my older brothers fought there with special distinction and I later fought there too. I have very mixed emotions when I think about my time in Afghanistan. For all its faults and tortured history, I love that country and love its many ethnic people. I even started to learn Pashtu as I already had a spoken command of Urdu because I had been raised partly in both Pakistan and India and it’s where many Afghan refugees living in the UN camps for over a generation had learned Urdu too.

It’s not just that my family has history in Afghanistan going back to the days of the East India Company but I had a sincere respect for its culture and history as one of the central hot spots for great civilisational achievements, but also as a stubborn and unruly country who proudly defied the Great Powers to bend the knee and turned it into a ‘graveyard of empires’. Most of all I think of the friendships I made there and how my perspective on life changed as a consequence of knowing such resilience and fortitude in the face of catastrophe and death.

I’m sure like everyone else I wasn’t too surprised by President Biden’s announcement that he was announcing the imminent withdrawal of all American troops in Afghanistan. He wanted to pivot to something else when asked about it. “I want to talk about happy things, man!” He said. Who could begrudge him given that America has been at war in Afghanistan for a better part of 20 years and has nothing to really show for it. Except of course the loss of its brave service men and women as well as the death of thousands of Afghan civilians. It spent more than $2 trillion to kill Osama bin Laden, the architect behind 9/11 attacks and failed to convincingly snuff out both murderous terror groups, Al Qaeda and ISIS.

When the Secretary General of Nato announced back in April 2021 all alliance troops were to be withdrawn from Afghanistan, it was made to look like a nice, clean, enunciation of a joint decision. The end date was set for 11 September, 2021 - 20 years after the terrorist attacks on New York and Washington - and it was in line with the oft-repeated alliance maxim: we went in together; we will come out together. Except that, on closer examination, it was all rather messier.

This was partly because the withdrawal from Afghanistan had actually been Trump’s policy, so here was Joe Biden, the anti-Trump, co-opting a policy from his predecessor (a policy Trump had been so keen on that he tried to accelerate the withdrawal after he lost the election). Biden then tried to detach it from Trump by slowing down the withdrawal date a little and expressing it in terms more comprehensible to the Washington establishment and to US allies.

Where Trump had essentially done a deal with the Taliban and set a withdrawal date of 1 May, Biden left the Taliban out of it and invoked the totemic date of 9/11. This does not mean, of course, that the withdrawal will not be completed a good deal sooner - once you announce a withdrawal, you might as well get on with it.

In fact, Biden had to make a decision one way or another, given the rapid approach of Trump’s 1 May withdrawal date. And, whether it came from Washington or Nato, it was pretty low key for an announcement that a 20-year military involvement that had cost 4,000 allied lives was ending. Indeed, many people beyond Washington and Afghanistan might not quite have registered the news, given the considerable noises from Nato’s simultaneous dire warnings about Russia massing troops on the Ukrainian border, the death of the Duke of Edinburgh in the UK, and the Covid pandemic everywhere.

And distractions were needed not just because Biden was implementing a Trump policy. It was also because he was ordering an unconditional withdrawal – which he justified, correctly, by saying that setting preconditions would mean that the troops could be there forever. It was a risk Biden knew all too well, given that Barack Obama had been persuaded by General David Petraeus – against his election pledges and his better judgement – that what Obama really wanted was not a withdrawal, but a ‘surge’ with conditions attached before a withdrawal could take place.

Distractions were also useful for London, where the timing was hardly ideal. Imagine you were in government in London, you had watched the dismal failure of the UK’s Herrick operations in Helmand Province between 2006 and 2014, you knew that your armed forces had suffered 456 deaths in 20 years, with many more severely injured, but you had hung on in there.

Your government had also just released a blueprint for foreign and security policy, setting future priorities even further from home, in the Indo-Pacific, and your Prime Minister was about to make a high-profile visit to India as part of his post-Brexit ‘Global Britain’ branding . In those circumstances, an announcement that the US had decided to leave Afghanistan, giving you no choice but to follow, was almost exactly what you did not need. Rather than showing the UK as a powerful, autonomous military actor and a valued ally, it showed the exact opposite.

It also reminded an unhappy British public about a costly conflict it had rather forgotten. And those who did more than bother to remember - like the families who lost loved ones on the battlefield - and who over the years have blamed successive governments for moving the goalposts and lacking an exit strategy (all true too).

All of which might explain why the UK’s Foreign and Defence Secretaries followed the US example by changing the subject to the iniquities of Russia and China, rather than issuing a joyous pronouncement to the effect of: hooray and thank goodness, our boys and girls are coming home.

The UK’s Chief of Defence Staff, General Sir Nick Carter gave a subdued, unenthusiastic response to Biden’s announcement. I cannot remember such open acknowledgement of UK-US military policy friction in recent decades - or such an abject admission by the UK of its defence dependence on the US. What Carter said was that the unconditional withdrawal was ‘not a decision we had hoped for, but we obviously respect it and it is clearly an acknowledgement of an evolving US strategic posture’. In other words, the UK had opposed Biden’s decision – or would have done, if asked (which is not clear). Also, that it was Washington’s ‘strategic posture’ that had ‘evolved’, not the UK’s. He suggested there was a real danger that progress made could be lost and that there could be a return to civil war, with the Taliban maybe returning to power - again, all true.

Given that the UK officially has only 750 troops in Afghanistan at present, and most of them are there in a training capacity, to dissent from the US position so openly would be considered decidedly rude in the Ministry of Defence. Perhaps to that end, General Carter played the dutiful soldier and had to - through gritted teeth - put a positive gloss on Afghanistan’s future, insisting that the objective in going into Afghanistan, ‘to prevent international terrorism emerging from the country’, had been achieved which was ‘great tribute to the work of British forces and their allies’.

He also said that Afghan forces were ‘much better trained than one might imagine’ and that the Taliban ‘is not the organisation it once was’, so that ‘a scenario could play out that is actually not quite as bad as perhaps some of the naysayers are predicting.’ Blah blah blah. He’s wrong, and I think he knows it but only in the sanctity of his gentlemen’s club might he truly admit it.

I know he’s wrong because the chatter amongst ex-veterans I know is that we’ve made a balls up of Afghanistan yet again - by ‘again’ I mean from the past 200 years of us Brits trying to bring order to chaos in Afghanistan and getting burned for our troubles.

Both my father and my older siblings tell me what their friends and ex-service peers (some very senior indeed) have been nattering over a drink at their gentlemen clubs where ex-veterans haunt the club bar. Many just shake their heads in sighed resignation before burying themselves in the Times crossword or drowning their sorrows with a beer or two at how lock in step we’ve become to the Americans at a time when the British army is re-branding itself as a more independent nimble hi-tech impact army (the creation of a new ranger regiment being but one example).

Still if President Biden wanted to tie a neat bow on U.S. involvement in Afghanistan - saying, as he had, that the logic for the war ended once al-Qaida was gutted and Osama bin Laden killed - then it reveals a stunning lack of introspection about the United States’ role in the conflict that will continue in Afghanistan long after the last American and British troops leave.

Less than three months after President Joe Biden declared that the last American troops would be out of Afghanistan by September 11th, the withdrawal is nearly complete. The departure from Bagram air base, an hour’s drive north of the capital, Kabul, in effect marked the end of America’s 20-year war. But that does not mean the end of the war in Afghanistan. If anything, it is only going to get worse.

It is true that the president had no good choice on Afghanistan, and that he inherited a bad deal from his predecessor. There are never good choices when it comes to Afghanistan: only bloody trade offs.

But in announcing an unconditional withdrawal, he made the situation worse by throwing out the minimal conditions U.S. Special Envoy Zalmay Khalilzad had negotiated under the Trump administration. U.S. envoy Zalmay Khalilzad has delivered to the Afghan government and Taliban a draft Afghanistan Peace Agreement - the central idea of which is replacing the elected Afghan government with a so-called transitional one that would include the Taliban and then negotiate among its members the future permanent system of government. Crucial blank spaces in the draft include the exact share of power for each of the warring sides and which side would control security institutions.

The refrain now from the Biden administration is that the United States is not abandoning Afghanistan, that it will aim to do right by Afghan women and girls, and that it will try to nudge the Taliban and Kabul toward a peace deal using a diplomatic tool kit.

But the narrative ignores much of the reality on the ground. It also ignores history.

In theory, the Taliban and the American-backed government had been negotiating a peace accord, whereby the insurgents lay down their arms and participate instead in a redesigned political system. In the best-case scenario, strong American support for the government, both financial and military (in the form of continuing air strikes on the Taliban), coupled with immense pressure on the insurgents’ friends, such as Pakistan, might succeed in producing some form of power-sharing agreement.

But even if that were to happen - and the chances are low - it would be a depressing spectacle. The Taliban would insist on moving backwards in the direction of the brutal theocracy they imposed during their previous stint in power, when they confined women to their homes, stopped girls from going to school and meted out harsh punishments for sins such as wearing the wrong clothes or listening to the wrong music.

More likely than any deal, however, is that the Taliban try to use their victories on the battlefield to topple the government by force. They have already overrun much of the countryside, with government units mostly restricted to cities and towns. Demoralised government troops are abandoning their posts. In the first week of July 2021, over 1,000 of them fled from the north-eastern province of Badakhshan to neighbouring Tajikistan. The Taliban have not yet managed to capture and hold any cities, and may lack the manpower to do so in lots of places at once. They may prefer to throttle the government slowly rather than attack it head on. But the momentum is clearly on their side.

America and its NATO allies have spent billions of dollars training and equipping Afghan security forces in the hope that they would one day be able to stand alone. Instead, they started buckling even before America left. Many districts are being taken not by force, but are simply handed over. Soldiers and policemen have surrendered in droves, leaving piles of American-purchased arms and ammunition and fleets of vehicles. Even as the last American troops were leaving Bagram over the weekend of July 3rd, more than 1,000 Afghan soldiers were busy fleeing across the border into neighbouring Tajikistan as they sought to escape a Taliban assault.

As the outlook for the army and for civilians looks increasingly desperate, so do the measures proposed by the government. Ashraf Ghani, the president, is trying to mobilise militias to shore up the flimsy army. He has turned for help to figures such as Atta Mohammad Noor, who rose to power as an anti-Soviet and anti-Taliban commander and is now a potentate and businessman in Balkh province. “No matter what, we will defend our cities and the dignity of our people,” said Mr Noor in his gilded reception hall in Mazar-i-Sharif, the key to holding the north (sounds like Game of Thrones). The thinking is that such a mobilisation would be a temporary measure to give the army breathing space and allow it to regroup and the new forces would co-ordinate with government troops to push back hard on the Taliban.

However this is Afghanistan. The prospect of unleashing warlords’ private armies fills many Afghans with dread, reminding them of the anarchy of the 1990s. Such militias, raised along ethnic lines, tended to turn on each other and the general population.

With America gone and Afghan forces melting away, the Taliban fancy their prospects. They show little sign of engaging in serious negotiations with Mr Ghani’s administration. Yet they control no major towns or cities. Sewing up the countryside puts pressure on the urban centres, but the Taliban may be in no hurry to force the issue. They generally lack heavy weapons. They may also lack the numbers to take a city against sustained resistance. On July 7th they failed to capture Qala-e-Naw, a small town. Besides, controlling a city would bring fresh headaches. They are not good at providing government services.

Perhaps the Taliban have learned their history lesson and might refrain from attacking Kabul this time around. Their best course may be to tighten the screws and wait for the government to buckle. American predictions of its fate are getting gloomier. Intelligence agencies think Mr Ghani’s government could collapse within six months, according to the Wall Street Journal. So clearly the momentum is on the side of the Taliban and they just need to chip away at Ghani’s forces one district after another until the inevitable and hateful surrender of the central Afghan government to their demands.

At the very least, the civil war is likely to intensify, as the Taliban press their advantage and the government fights for its life. Other countries - China, India, Iran, Russia and Pakistan - will seek to fill the vacuum left by America. Some will funnel money and weapons to friendly warlords. The result will be yet more bloodshed and destruction, in a country that has suffered constant warfare for more than 40 years. Those who worry about possible reprisals against the locals who worked as translators for the Americans are missing the big picture: America, Britain and other allies are abandoning an entire country of almost 40m people to a grisly fate.

Nothing exemplifies - at least in Afghan eyes - of all that has gone wrong with American involvement in Afghanistan than in the manner of their leaving.

The U.S. left Afghanistan's Bagram Airfield after nearly 20 years by shutting off the electricity and slipping away in the night without notifying the base's new Afghan commander, who discovered the Americans' departure more than two hours after they left in the middle of the night without raising any alarms.

They left behind 3.5 million items, including tens of thousands of bottles of water, energy drinks and military MRE's (Meals Ready to Eat ration packs to the uninitiated). Thousands of civilian vehicles were left, many without keys to start them, and hundreds of armoured vehicles. The Americans also left small weapons and ammunition, but the departing US troops took heavy weapons with them. Ammunition for weapons not left for the Afghan military was blown up.

Now that is some feat considering the logistics of this mass exodus without drawing any attention. You have obviously been to Bagram and so you will know just how big and sprawling it is. Bagram Airfield is the size of a small city, roadways weaving through barracks and past hangar-like buildings. There are two runways and more than 100 parking spots for fighter jets known as revetments. One of the two runways is 12,000 feet long and was built in 2006. There's a passenger lounge, a 50-bed hospital and giant hangar-size tents filled with furniture. And all those shops to remind Americans of home from familiar fast food restaurants and hairdressers and massage parlours to buying clothing and jewellery and buying a Harley Davidson motorbike (or so I’ve been told).

I’m guessing that the Afghans were certainly outside of the wire and probably had not been inside Bagram Airfield for months. So from the outset they would not have had any reason to think anything was going on until the generators probably ran out of fuel and it started to go a little too quiet. The inner gate was probably discretely left unlocked and when the US stopped answering the radio/phone and then they probably investigated.

Before the Afghan army could take control of the airfield about an hour's drive from the Afghan capital, Kabul, it was invaded by a small army of looters, who ransacked barrack after barrack and rummaged through giant storage tents before being evicted, according to Afghan troops. Afghan military leaders insist the Afghan National Security and Defense Force could hold on to the heavily fortified base despite a string of Taliban wins on the battlefield. The airfield includes a prison with about 5,000 prisoners, many of them allegedly Taliban members.

I’m pretty sure some bright spark in the US Pentagon public affairs dept convinced his military superiors that it was important to avoid the optics of Americans leaving in the same way they did in Vietnam in case it depresses the American public and the US military. Instead it demoralised its allies, the Afghan national army who are now the only line of defence against the Taliban. In one night, they lost all the goodwill of 20 years by leaving the way they did, in the night, without telling the Afghan soldiers who were outside patrolling the area. The manner in which the Americans left Bagram air base amounts to a resounding vote of no confidence in Afghanistan’s future. It just looks bad.

The U.S. choice came with costs attached to each decision. With staying, the cost was potential U.S. troop casualties and a fear that things would not change on the ground. With leaving comes the cost of a deeper conflict in Afghanistan and a backsliding of progress made there over the past two decades. In many ways, the costs of staying seem shorter-term and borne by the United States, while the costs of leaving will be predominantly borne by Afghans over a longer time horizon. Yet, even if those costs seem remote now, history tells us that they will be blamed on the United States.

Biden perhaps reflective of history of Americans getting into quagmires abroad didn’t want to be seen exerting time and energy for a losing cause. His decision also reflects his administration’s foreign policy for the American middle-class paradigm, which focuses on domestic considerations over international ones (and is this so different from Trump’s “America First”? No, it is not). The irony, though, is that the American middle class largely doesn’t care about Afghanistan - their ambivalence gave way to support for this decision once it was announced, but it wouldn’t be hard to visualise the public approving of a scenario that kept a couple thousand troops there for a while longer.

What’s perhaps most disturbing is the narrative the president has presented along with the rationale for withdrawal: that America went to Afghanistan to defeat al-Qaida after 9/11, that mission creep led America to stay on too long and, therefore, it is time to get out. This takes an incomplete view of U.S. agency in the war in Afghanistan. The narrative implies that the civil conflict in Afghanistan today did not originate with America - that this more than 40-year war began with the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan in 1979, preceded America’s interference in Afghanistan, and will follow our departure.

The fact of the matter is that, by beginning the campaign in Afghanistan in 2001 and overthrowing the Taliban, who were then engaged in their draconian rule, and installing a new government, we western allies began a new phase of the Afghan conflict — one that pitted the Kabul government and the United States/Britain/NATO against the Taliban insurgency. The Afghan people did not have a say in the matter. That we allied powers are leaving Afghan women, children, and youth better off in many ways after 20 years is due to us, and we should be proud of that. But that we are leaving them mired in a bloody conflict is also due to us, because we could not hold off the Taliban insurgency, and we must all reckon publicly with that.

I have to ask myself why did we fail?

I’m only speaking about us Brits now as I’m sure you have your own thoughts as an ex-Marine officer of what you thought of the American military effort. Yes, I’m copping out of really bashing the yanks because first, I have too much respect for those fantastic American service men and women I did have the privilege to fight alongside with; and second, we Brits have nothing to crow about as we fucked up in lots of ways too, and to make things worse, we should have known better given our imperial history with Afghanistan.

The seeds of our failure in Afghanistan lies in not learning from history. We didn’t have a mission that was properly defined nor did we have a strategy that was clear, coherent, and easily communicated to both its fighting men and women as well as to the British public.

Were we there to get our hands bloody and to root out and destroy extreme Islamist terrorists or were we there to indulge in state building out of some idealistic notions of liberal humanitarianism? This question was at heart of our failure within our government and also within the British army as well as our relations with America and our NATO allies and finally the Afghans themselves.

Although never colonised in the same manner as other central and south Asian countries, the modern Afghan state is very much a creation borne out of great power rivalry. A land occupied by a number of different ethnic, linguistic and religious groups, it is a country whose borders were defined by, and whose sense of national identity was forged in response to western great power competition. Its geopolitical position - landlocked, mountainous, and surrounded by past great powers and present regional rivals - lends Afghanistan a dual role of geographic obscurity and great strategic significance, and has as such frequently been treated as little more than a buffer state between empires and a proxy of local powers. Its shared historical border with Russia and British India made it an object of imperial intrigue and, by consequence, has been subject to five European military interventions in the last 175 years.

The first three interventions of these occurred during the era of ‘the Great Game’ in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, in which Britain and Russia (latterly the Soviet Union) competed for influence and control over Afghan politics in order to protect their respective imperial holdings in India and central Asia.

The fourth and fifth interventions, ranging from the late 1970s to the present day, similarly involved attempts by Soviets and then by an American-led international coalition to remove political leaders acting against their interests and to protect their favoured candidates.

The unifying feature of all these conflicts was the idea of Afghanistan as the site of potential threats to the interests and security of more powerful states.

Britain’s legacy in Afghanistan in particular set the tone for the country’s historical pattern of conflict and political contestation, fuelling both the intermittent emergence of Afghan national consciousness and a fractious political lineage that saw thirteen amirs in just eighty years. Interventions by the Empire during the Great Game set the conditions for the assassination of ostensibly national leaders by their compatriots (Shah Shuja Durrani in the First war) or their exile by the British (Shere Ali Khan and Ayub Khan in the Second).

Despite the British achieving their aim of protecting India in the second and third conflicts by maintaining Afghanistan as either a pro-British buffer state or as a neutral party, the Afghan narrative tends to emphasise successes such as the massacre of British forces retreating from Kabul to Jalalabad in 1842, the defeat of British and Indian forces at Maiwand in 1880, and the gaining of sovereignty in foreign affairs in 1919.

Soviet intervention in the late 1970s and 1980s further buttressed this identity of resistance, and the failure and ultimate overthrow of the Communist-backed Najibullah government, as well as the collapse of the Soviet Union shortly after their drawdown from Afghanistan, led to a sense amongst the victorious mujahidin of the country as the ‘graveyard of empires’.

Afghanistan’s modern history should thus be seen as inextricably linked to the ebbs and flows of great power politics. Each intervention exacerbated extant internal power struggles between rival elite individuals and groups vying for nominal control over the country. Foreign intervention in Afghanistan was met on each occasion with fierce resistance from tribal militias coalesced around religion; as has been remarked upon by one historian of the country, the threat of external domination has been one of the few means of uniting its disparate population around the concept of an Afghan ‘nation’, and in most cases this shared sense of identity cohered around religion, not nationalism.

Indeed, the presence of intervening powers and the development of the Afghan state may be seen as mutually supporting: whilst most Afghan leaders throughout the last two centuries have asserted their sovereignty over the country, the reality has in most circumstances been one of competing tribal chiefs and/or ‘warlords’ rather than a single dominant leader.

Where leaders have managed to cohere the disparate tribal and ethnic groupings of the country under one banner - most notably under the regime of Dost Mohamed Khan (1826-1839, 1845-1863) – this was due in large part to their diplomatic abilities of compromise and co-optation with Afghanistan’s regional power- brokers. In other cases, such as that of the reign of Abdurrahman (1880- 1901), power was maintained by an unflinching ‘internal imperialism’ and the use of punitive force against rebellious factions.

The challenges of maintaining and projecting centralised power in Afghanistan allow us to see the relationship of its leaders with world or regional powers in the last two centuries as one of mutual exploitation. Throughout the Great Game and the Cold War, whilst the British/Americans and Russians/Soviets would use threats and bribes (and occasionally force) to compel Afghan rulers to comply with their geopolitical needs, Afghan rulers themselves often deftly manipulated those powers to maintain and extend their own power.

The pattern followed by Afghan leaders from the nineteenth century to the present day is remarkably similar in the respect that most have relied upon a rentierist economic model, seeking external aid in order to sustain the cost of security and administration. The plan of modern rulers was to warm Afghanistan with the heat generated by the great power conflicts without getting drawn into them directly. Abdurrahman, for example, used British subsidies to fund his military campaigns against rebellious factions; the Musahiban rulers of the mid-twentieth century used American capital to develop its nascent economic infrastructure and Soviet finance to bolster its armed forces; and, following the overthrow of the last royal leader of Afghanistan, Mohamed Daoud, in 1978, the quasi-communist leadership of Babrak Karmal, Hafizullah Amin, Nur Muhammad Taraki, and Mohammad Najibullah during the late 1970s and 1980s relied in the main on Soviet money and military assistance in its ultimately failed attempt to implement socialist policies and put down the American, Saudi and Pakistani-backed mujahidin.

These trends continued into the post-Cold War period in respect to both the Taliban movement (essentially directed and funded by Pakistan), the Northern Alliance (funded largely by former Soviet central Asian states) and the regime of Hamid Karzai (maintained in economic and military terms by the American-led, NATO-operated International Security Assistance Force and the wider international community). In the former cases, occurring in the main in the period of civil war between 1992 and 2001, rentierism was limited to the maintenance of proxy parties and the continuation of conflict.

By contrast, the ISAF mission bore similarities with the Soviet-backed socialist regimes of the 1980s, insofar as it focused huge amounts of capital and military resources on stabilisation and state-building efforts. Both intervening parties made the error of ignoring Afghanistan’s political history and focused their efforts on bolstering the authority of a centralised state, both promoted policies that were deemed ‘universal’ in their application and were, unsurprisingly given such hubris, vulnerable to accusations by Afghan opposition to being alien and imperialistic ideologies, and both expended enormous amounts of blood and treasure in order to sustain the regimes they supported.

The UK’s struggle to locate a coherent strategy for Afghanistan should, therefore, be seen firstly in the light of the historical problematic of Afghan state-building. This is important in narrative terms because difficulties of defining strategy imply similar challenges in explaining strategy. As with its efforts to ‘think’ strategically, Britain’s ability to explain the strategy(ies) for the war in Afghanistan have been frequently criticised by various commentators. The most strategically debilitating aspect of the Afghan campaign has always been the incoherence of the mission’s purpose; indeed the question ‘‘why are we in Afghanistan?’’ has never really been settled in public consciousness. The international community massively underestimated the difficulties of state-building and greatly overstretched themselves in the commitments made to Afghanistan, and that they did so because ‘strategies’ for Afghanistan rested on assumptions of the universal applicability of liberal state-building.

The international community from the start (meaning from the Bonn Conference of late 2001) fundamentally misunderstood the nature of an Afghan society deeply ravaged by decades of conflict, and failed to foresee the malign effects state-building ventures would have on the country. Specifically, the Bonn Conference, which set out the parameters of the post-invasion Afghan state, implemented a centralised state system onto a state whose experience of such was limited, and where the success of such a system in extending its authority beyond the major cities was predicated on coercion and the use of force.

Historically this has rarely been a credible option for Afghan rulers or their international backers, and was even less so under the self-imposed restrictions of liberal war-fighting and state-building. Rather, re-creating a centralised state required Afghan and international actors to enter into the same methods of co-optation and compromise as those of the past; in necessitating these kind of measures – as opposed to implementing a looser, federal system of governance – the centralisation of the Afghan state paved the way for a reconstitution of a ruling order based on tribal elements and ‘strongmen’. This produced something of a paradox for state-builders, as the creation of a strong, central state capable of implementing liberal policies across Afghanistan came at the cost of entering into alliances with ‘warlords’ known for their illiberal and coercive political approaches and illicit economic activities.

Another unintended but unavoidable consequence of centralised state-building identified by scholars is the re-constitution of the rentier state in Afghanistan. Post-Bonn, Afghanistan returned to its historical norm of maintaining the state via the extraction of external security and development rents, without which it would almost certainly implode due to the ruinous state of its economy and taxation system. Studies have shown that his new rentierism differed from previous patronage systems at the state level insofar as it was fuelled by an unprecedented influx of capital and resources into the country. This had the effect of introducing regulated systems of ‘neo-patrimonalism’, where departments were to be distributed as rewards to the various factions that took part in the Bonn conference, and there had to be enough rewards to go around.

In other words, the structure of the post-invasion Afghan state was, to a great extent, defined not by the demands of good governance, the needs of the country or the demands of post-conflict stabilisation and reconstruction – the purposes for which the centralised model was chosen to promote – but rather by the first-order need to avoid the derailment of the centralised state by co-opting regional power brokers.

Because of the imperative of shoring up a nascent state by securing support from potential competitors, the gulf between the ends of liberal state-building and the illiberal means required to facilitate its functioning can therefore be seen to a certain extent as inevitable.

A major issue, however, was that the patrimonial linkages created by the state for its regional proxies was not comprehensive, as it did not extend to the Taliban’s Pashtun heartland and, as such, fuelled resentment and alienation as much as they placated and co- opted extra-state power brokers. Key players in the Northern Alliance - the primarily Tajik opposition to the Taliban - received prestigious posts within the state, whilst the predominantly Pashtun Taliban were themselves excluded from such arrangements. Because those rewarded by the state tended to be given ministerial or governorial roles in cities, the conflict dynamic tended to reflect an urban – rural divide similar to that of the Soviet occupation. Along this reading, the neo-Taliban insurgency was in many ways a product of the political miscalculations and deficiencies of post-invasion state- building activities.

Given this starting point, such a view concludes that the strategic problems encountered by the international community in Afghanistan were, to a large degree, problems created by (or at the very least exacerbated by) the state-builders themselves. They misread Afghan politics in a way that reflected their own philosophical assumptions about the state and society.

Strategy in Afghanistan suffered because the coalition effort, comprised of multiple national actors and the United Nations, rarely took on the form of a unified effort. Part of the reason for this was a divergence of opinion between actors as to the ultimate purpose – counter-terrorism or state-building – of the intervention.

In the first years of the Afghan campaign, the United States’ Bush Administration remained staunchly opposed to what it called ‘nation building’ and opted instead to pursue a policy of capture- or-kill missions against suspected terrorists. For the United Nations and most of the United States’ European NATO allies, however, state-building was considered a necessary element of any counter-terrorist strategy. This difference of opinion was manifest from the start by the creation of two parallel missions – the US-led, counter-terrorism-focused Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF) and the stabilisation missions of the European Union, United Nations (United Nations Assistance Mission in Afghanistan (UNAMA)) and NATO (International Security Assistance Force (ISAF)) – engaged in seemingly incompatible aims of military prosecution and peace building.

Opinion on the impact of this dual approach varies. Some scholars have noted, along lines similar to those critiquing the state-building efforts of the international community that the approach taken by the UN, EU and ISAF was too ambitious, naïve and unrealistic, and therefore bound to fall short of their liberal political and economic goals. Both Europe and these international agencies ignored the necessity of paring down the international community’s state-building efforts to core, security-centric capacity building within the Afghan National Security Forces. But of course one can make the counter argument, as many have of course, that on the contrary it was the insufficiencies of state-building approaches vis-à-vis OEF’s counter-terrorist approach that led to subsequent failures in UN and ISAF efforts; specifically, that a disproportionate focus on counter-terrorism missions meant that opportunities of peace- building were irreparably compromised.

Within NATO there was a division not just of opinions but also one of mission relating to different political perspectives about the purpose of the Afghan mission and its ultimate referent object – whether it was primarily about the interests of the coalition member states or concerned in the main with Afghanistan itself – and, from that, the methods to be employed in pursuit of one or another objective. This was not merely a debate bounded by strategic necessity, however; rather, such debates stemmed as much from institutional disagreements over who would or could do what in Afghanistan, which in turn arose from the differences in political constitutions and cultural attitudes towards counterinsurgency and counter- terrorism.

These ‘national caveats’ or ‘red cards’ of participation created significant problems for NATO in Afghanistan, both political, in terms of the relations between states and the abiding sense amongst some that others were ‘free-riding’ on the collective security system and, and strategic and operational, in the sense that command-and-control capabilities and cohesion between forces were limited by the engagement restrictions placed on certain armed forces. Indeed, the disproportionate burden placed on combat-oriented states like the United States, the United Kingdom, and several new member states in Eastern Europe led to political statements denouncing Europe’s perceived transgressors of collective security participation; former US Defence Secretary Robert Gates argued, for example, that NATO had effectively become a ‘two-tier alliance’ ‘between members who specialise in ‘soft’ humanitarian, development, peacekeeping and talking tasks and those conducting the ‘hard’ combat missions - between those willing and able to pay the price and bear the burdens of alliance commitments, and those who enjoy the benefits of NATO membership... but don’t want to share the risks and the costs’.

A lack of strategic unity was the natural consequence of a structural compromise that produced two distinct strategic authorities that were, in many ways, competing with one another. Along similar lines to the political arrangements between the Afghan state and its regional proxies, the NATO alliance structure can be seen (and evidently is seen by officials such as Gates) as patrimonial: states participated on the basis of fulfilling their own interests and along operational lines that were complementary to those interests, for the purposes of securing an alliance structure that accommodated all participants ahead of the imperative of creating a coherent strategy for stabilising Afghanistan. As with the neo-patrimonialism of the Karzai regime NATO’s efforts would be dictated by the limitations imposed upon it by circumstance.

Thus, in the cases of Afghanistan’s and the international community’s internal political dynamics, strategy was confined by the structure of the Afghan state and society, the structure of the international community and NATO, and the interplay between those structures. The implication here is that the agency required for the possibility of a workable strategy may have been illusory from the start.

Leaving Afghanistan was never going to be pretty, but the latest turn is uglier than expected.

No one quite expected the speed of collapse within the Afghan National Army to hold of attacks of the Taliban. I don’t think it’s do with the lack of training or their professional skills is lacking (though there may be some truth in it). A big driver in the collapse is the money for wages, food and medical care for troops is syphoned to Dubai, so the Afghans who want to fight, and there are quite a few who hate the Taliban, get less replenishment than the 6th army in the last weeks of Stalingrad. They have arms, ammo and boots for this season only and that is it. Both money and morale are in short supply for these soldiers.

If I was a trained soldier in the Afghan National Army I would desert. I would say to them abandon the fixed defences these ‘ferenghis’ (foreigners) have gifted you and move to the hills and seek refuge with your tribal clan, who will be glad of the arms and experience you bring. Or get over the border if you are lucky to be in the North, if in the West you hire yourself to the Narcos in the badlands on the Iran border. Most other places it is either a last stand or defection, your Government and their relatives have already got their planes fuelled up in Kabul ready to move to their villa complexes in the UAE.

I’m being a trifle cynical but for good reason. Everyone who has been to Afghanistan sees the veil lifted on the corruption of aid and how the elites protect themselves ahead of defending the masses who bear the brunt of the bloodshed.

The corruption has been endemic from the get go, but the international community ignored it all for 'progress'. Any Afghan politico you hear on the media complaining about the West abandoning Afghanistan has at least $30 million parked in Dubai that should have gone to the soldiers, teachers, doctors, builders etc.

As spectacular as the collapse of the Afghan National Army has been it’s been even more scarier seeing how swift the Taliban has been in taking over vital provincial areas through propaganda, civilian intimidation, and rapid attacks. One by one, the Taliban has been taking over areas in a number of provinces in northern Afghanistan in recent weeks. The Taliban says it has taken control of 90 districts across the country since the middle of May. Some were seized without a single shot fired.

The UN's special envoy on Afghanistan, Deborah Lyon put the figure lower, at 50 out of the nation's 370 districts, but feared the worst was yet to come. Most districts that have been taken surround provincial capitals, suggesting that the Taliban are positioning themselves to try and take these capitals once all foreign forces are fully withdrawn. On a map, it's easy to see the point Lyon is making. A stark example is Mazar-i-Sharif, the biggest city in the north and a significant power centre in its own right. It was the rock upon which the Northern Alliance fought against the Taliban.

It is significant the Taliban are kicking off this offensive in the north, not their heartland in the south and east. The north was the toughest part of the country for them to crack last time. Their expectation is if they have victory there, success will flow much easier in their traditional homelands further south.

The strategy of taming the north extends to emasculating and profiting from trade routes to neighbours. On Monday night they captured the important border town of Shir Khan Bandar, Afghanistan's main crossing into Tajikistan. Earlier in the day, top Tajik government officials had met to discuss concerns about the growing instability next door. There is no indication that the Taliban intend to take their fight north of the border, but in the past Tajikistan has been a vital conduit for supplies flowing to the militants' northern enemies.

The last time the Taliban controlled the city was 20 years ago, when they left hundreds of captives in steel trucking containers to suffocate and die in the scorching desert heat. Now, the militants are back at the city gates once again, as part of a lightning offensive against Afghan government forces that has set alarm bells ringing from Kabul to Washington. So it should worry us all where will all this lead to.

America's drawdown seems to be the game changer. The Taliban have been beaten back several times in recent years, notably from Kunduz in 2015. The Taliban captured it briefly before US airstrikes were called in. Civilian casualties were high but the militants were driven out. The militant group has never been able to withstand the heavy US and NATO air assaults backing Afghan ground forces, but now the US and NATO are leaving, so is much of the threat of sophisticated and sustained air power. And the Taliban are well aware of this.

It seems to me behind the choice of withdrawal by the Biden government lies a bigger assumption that drives that choice. That is the Taliban militants' perceived desire for international recognition. This has been the mantra underpinning the American exit. The logic of the American argument has been simple: The Taliban wouldn't renege on their agreements with the US because they crave international acceptance. The events of this past week and more appear to blow a hole in that assumption.

Another assumption that’s currently being blown out of the water is the US establishing some presence outside of Afghanistan so that if it needs to intervene again to combat terrorism or flush out militants then it can do so from the safety of a neighbouring country. But so far no country has come forward to reciprocate. And why would they? Like the Afghans, no one likes foreign troops with boots on the ground in their country. Only the central Asian republics and possibly Pakistan would come close to allowing that but there would be a political cost those governments would pay with their people. Moreover by welcoming the Americans in, they also allow the militants to target that country too.

Another assumption is the nature of the Taliban support and links to terrorist groups. The U.S. may not face any serious post-withdrawal Afghan support of extremist threats to the United States, even if the Taliban does take over. It is all too true that the Taliban continues to talk to the remnants of Al Qaeda, as do elements of the Pakistani military. It is unclear, however, that these remnants of Al Qaeda focus on attacks on the U.S., and the Taliban does seem to oppose ISIS. It is also unclear that the Taliban will host other extremist movements that focus on attacking the U.S. or states outside the region.

It is unclear that any key element of the Taliban has an interest in such attacks on the United States. Even Al Qaeda now focuses largely on objectives inside Islamic countries, and it is unclear that some other major extremist force will emerge in Afghanistan that do not focus on regional threats and on taking over vulnerable, largely Islamic states.

At the same time, one needs to be careful about the assumption that the U.S. can defeat any such threats by launching precision air and missile strikes against extremist targets. It is unclear that the forces in Afghanistan involved in any small covert attacks on the U.S. will be easy to target and cripple if they do emerge. The Taliban is unlikely to tolerate major training camps and facilities for extremist forces, and any such strikes will present major problems for the U.S. if the extremist threat consists of scattered small facilities and small expert cadres that shelter among the Afghan population.

It is also far from clear that more intense U.S. air attacks on Taliban forces from outside Afghanistan will have any decisive effects. The loss of limited numbers of Taliban fighters as well as some key Taliban leaders and facilities will not offset the pace of their victories in the countryside or enable the central government to survive. A continuing U.S. ability to target and kill some key Taliban leaders and fighters also does not mean that the risk of such strikes will deter future Taliban willingness to let small, extremist strike groups conduct well-focused, well-planned strikes on U.S. or allied territory, especially if such groups in Afghanistan sponsor attacks on the U.S. or it strategic partner by strike units or cadres based in other countries.

At the same time, it does seem more likely that the Taliban, and/or any independent extremist groups, will focus largely on Iran, Pakistan, Russia, China, and the other “-Stans.”

Going forward I think we need to re-evaluate many of our assumptions about the war in Afghanistan.

The objectives of the Authorised Use of Military Force approved by the US Congress in 2001 have long been accomplished. Once Osama bin Laden was killed in Operation Neptune Spear in 2011, the last element of the AUMF was met. The American and British mission in Afghanistan was complete. But America and Britain did not leave because we wanted to do a spot of state building to curb the spread of militant islamist terror. That was a mistake as it turned out.

Post-Neptune Spear, The American, the British, and their allies’ conventional mission should have been ended, adopting instead a laser focus on intelligence collection and offensive special operations to prevent al-Qaeda (or any terrorist organisation) from re-establishing safe havens and training areas.

What was needed for an acceptable ‘victory’ and a ‘saving face’ withdrawal was to embrace the use of Afghan Militia Forces the same way the Allies did for our initial entry way back in 2001.

In 2001, Western powers won the initial military engagement in 42 days using special operations forces with local and regional allies - we need to return to this format - and through a combination of special operations and specific information operations efforts, regaining the high ground and influence over ‘centres of gravity’. The issue is not the number of troops, but the mission of the forces there. Once the mission is defined, the number of forces needed would be clear.

It has never been about the number of troops - it’s been about the lack of an achievable mission assigned to our forces in Afghanistan.

The US engaged in ‘nation-building’ for the wrong reasons - and has seen bad results. We installed Hamid Karzai, served as his praetorian guard to protect the new central government and abandon our AMF allies and attempted to build a large, bulky, expensive and ineffective Afghan National Army - a force that is now evaporating before our eyes. It was folly.

Americans will never make the Afghan people more like them - nor will they be able to instil what my American colleagues used to fondly refer to as ‘a Jeffersonian democracy’ in Afghanistan. That day may come but only when the Afghan people wish it to be so. Lest it be forgotten Americans sought independence in 1776; the Afghan people seek self-reliance and independence from foreign influence. This is their defining historical DNA: escape from any outside control.

The Afghan people are not ungoverned, they are self-governed - with no tradition of central democracy and no desire for our version of democracy or ‘prosperity’. By pushing ‘prosperity’ we had become targets for both the Afghan government and the Taliban. This has ended, but we must draw a distinction between the end of nation-building and the continuation of our own interests in Afghanistan and the region.

It is time to adopt a practical policy based on what will work and is in our allied interests, rather than by funding the aspirations of progressive politicians who have no real understanding of Afghanistan.

First, we must establish a clear post-‘state-building’ strategy - with achievable objectives. We must return to the policy and operational format we know will work - cooperation with Afghan tribal leaders and militia. This type of force was used to achieve the initial victory in 2001. Empowered warlords and regional leaders were the force multiplier that worked as the Afghan Militia Forces - and can again, in partnership with our Special Operations Forces work now. Intelligence collection and limited military operations should be our focus.

There is no way around it. One has to play the Great Game. Think tribal rather than central. Afghan nationhood is a liberal Western wet dream.

The central government is weak and corrupt just like all the other rulers of the past. The Afghan National Army is not as strong as it is on paper. It can hardly prop itself up rather than any government. Most of the Afghan National Army troops have stronger tribal loyalties than to the concept of a nation. Since the tribal chiefs play both sides to hedge their bets, it's no wonder 'their' people do what they're told. The Taliban know this because that has always been the Afghan way, so the tribes go with them. Provided the Taliban honour their promises to the tribal chiefs, the Taliban can do what they want.

On one hand, the tribes won't now be too bothered by central government and have a large pool of Western-trained troops to prop them up. On the other hand, they now have to do business formally with the Taliban again. Largely in order to get their hands on Western-supplied aid that will surely follow after the Americans leave.

Second, we must accept the reality of Pakistani influence in Afghanistan - and work with the Pakistanis to counter al-Qaeda and the other militants now attacking Pakistani targets within Pakistan. Pakistan has made great advances in securing the tribal areas on the other side of the border and they have always been the de facto control of much of the Taliban force capacity, such as the Haqqani network. Working with Pakistan is the best option within the current circumstance.

‘Endless wars’ are not an American value. The use of the US military must only be used in response to genuine threats, when American interests are at stake or lives in danger. Withdrawal of conventional military forces and discontinuing nation building is in the US interest: leaving Afghanistan is not.

Third, make Afghanistan China’s problem. Afghanistan could easily become a hotbed for growing Islamic extremism, which would to some extent affect stability in Xinjiang.

It is not without reason that Afghanistan is known as the “graveyard of empires”. The ancient Greeks, the Mongols, the Mughals, the British, the Soviet Union and most recently the US have all launched vainglorious invasions that saw their ambitions and the blood of their soldiers drain into the sand. But after each imperial retreat, a new tournament of shadows begins. With the US pulling out of Afghanistan, China is casting an anxious gaze towards its western frontier and pursuing talks with an ascendant Taliban. The burning questions are not only whether the Taliban can fill the power vacuum created by the US withdrawal but also whether China - despite its longstanding policy of “non-interference” - may become the next superpower to try to write a chapter in Afghanistan’s history.

Beijing has held talks with the Taliban and although details of the discussions have been kept secret, government officials, diplomats and analysts from Afghanistan, India, China and the US said that crucial aspects of a broad strategy were taking shape. An Indian government official said China’s approach was to try to rebuild Afghanistan’s shattered infrastructure in co-operation with the Taliban by channelling funds through Pakistan, one of Beijing’s firmest allies in the region. China is Pakistan’s wallet.

It has been reported that Beijing has been insisting that the Taliban limit its ties with groups that it said were made up of Uyghur terrorists in return for such support. The groups, which Beijing refers to as the East Turkestan Islamic Movement, are an essential part of China’s security calculus in the region. The ETIM groups were estimated by the UN Security Council last year to number up to 3,500 fighters, some of whom were based in a part of Afghanistan that borders China. Both the UN and the US designated the ETIM as terrorists in 2002 but Washington dropped its classification last year. China has accused the ETIM of carrying out multiple acts of terrorism in Xinjiang, its north-western frontier region, where Beijing has kept an estimated 1m Uyghur and other minority peoples in internment camps.

In a clear indication of Beijing’s determination to counter the ETIM, Wang Yi, China’s foreign minister, exhorted counterparts from the central Asian states of Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan and Turkmenistan this year to co-operate to smash the group. “We should resolutely crack down on the ‘three evil forces’ [of extremism, terrorism and separatism] including the East Turkestan Islamic Movement,” Wang said in May according to Chinese news media which I follow.

The importance of this task derived in part from the need to protect large-scale activities and projects to create a safe Silk Road. Silk Road is one of the terms that Chinese officials use to refer to the Belt and Road Initiative, the signature foreign policy strategy of President Xi Jinping to build infrastructure and win influence overseas.

An important part of China’s motivation in seeking stability in Afghanistan is protecting existing BRI projects in Pakistan and the central Asian states while potentially opening Afghanistan to future investments. China would have to more actively support efforts to ensure political stability in Afghanistan. So make them work for it. Western powers need to leverage China’s problems in Xinjiang to be more active in Afghanistan.

International media outlets and intelligence agencies worldwide have been circulating reports pointing toward the creation of a Chinese military base in the Wakhan Corridor of Afghanistan’s Badakhshan province for a while now. Although China has not embarked on militarisation programs on foreign soil historically, and has profusely denied the rumours about building an Afghan “mountain brigade,” China’s first overseas military base in Djibouti provides an example of China’s newly adopted strategy of leveraging economic influence to further its strategic objectives. There’s even some chatter amongst Chinese officials that Beijing may entertain the idea of being part of a future UN international force should one be needed in Afghanistan (a bad idea but hey, let China find out first hand for itself).

The Afghan government was able to maintain a measure of stability largely because of the superiority of US air support. The drones, gunships, helicopters and heavy air artillery were unmatched by the Taliban. But when the US leaves, that advantage will evaporate. China’s imperative to create overland trade routes to Europe and the Middle East may draw it inevitably into Afghanistan’s domestic strife.

Of course China’s forward policy in the Wakhan Corridor needs to be assessed with a critical eye. Although on one level it seems to be motivated primarily by the threat of radicalisation, China’s interest in the region is also contingent on the strategic role that Afghanistan is capable of playing in the larger scheme of things. Despite China’s vehement denial, there seems to be sufficient evidence available indicating a definite military build up in the region, which provides China with an opportunity to showcase its ability to transform into a balancing force in the regional dynamics. I think that is a trade off that both America and Europe can afford to concede under the current circumstances.

In conclusion In the face of failure, there is an impulse to move on and not ask “what led to this?” But to avoid a reckoning with our follies is to risk their repetition, or worse.

it is probably too late to salvage either the civil or military situation in Afghanistan. It almost certainly is too late to salvage it with limited in-country U.S. forces, outside U.S. airpower and intelligence assets, and with no real peace agreement or functional peace process. Limited military measures are not the answer, and neither is simply reinforcing the past processes of failure. Tragic as it may be, withdrawal may not solve anything and may well make conditions worse for millions of Afghans, but reinforcing failure is not a meaningful strategy.

I do feel strongly that both the American and British governments must establish a clear path of redemption so that those who served and the families who sacrificed loved ones know that their loss was not wasted. At the same time our civilian governments must limit missions to intelligence collection and counter-terrorism missions that will prevent the metastasis of al-Qaeda or Isis in the region should the Afghan government fall. How we balance these two is going to be very interesting to follow in the next chapter in Afghanistan’s tortured history.

I apologise for the length of this post. This has been a hard post to write because of the subject matter and the many conflicted emotions and memories I have of my time in Afghanistan. I wish I had all the answers but I suppose the beginning of wisdom would be to know how to ask the right questions. Because we didn’t ask the right questions when we went in, we ended up making a real mess of it.

There is an understandable desire to bring all our allied troops home safe and that not another life is lost there. Yet I doubt this policy of withdrawing all troops will bring peace to anyone, not to us and most of all, the Afghanis themselves. As always in war it is the native population that will bear the real cost of war, in this case women, girls, and others brutalised under Taliban rule. What lies for them if the Taliban regain power to govern the country in their image is something I care not to imagine but retain a deep foreboding of their continued suffering. Ordinary Afghanis just want a respite from war and have a chance to live in peace, but without having us foreigners or the Taliban around. It is hard to imagine that happening at all. Our desire to save our soldiers’ lives set against ordinary Afghanis being left at the mercy of the Taliban is one of those humbling and brutalising trade offs that any war can only offer.

Near the end of his famed novel, The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald described two of his privileged characters, Tom and Daisy, as “careless people” who “smashed up things and creatures” and then “retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness” to “let other people clean up the mess they had made.”

That description applies to America as a whole but also to we Brits and other Europeans, especially when we tire of a misguided war. Americans and we Brits are a careless people. In both Iraq and Afghanistan, we smashed up things and human beings with abandon, only to retreat into our materialism. No scratch that, returning soldiers retreated into themselves struggling with PTSD whilst the rest of our citizenry carried on with their own material struggles and their insipid culture wars. The point is we always leave others to clean up the mess in a very bloody fashion that never troubles our conscience.

Count on us, probably sooner rather than later, doing precisely the same thing in Afghanistan. Again.

Thanks for your question

163 notes · View notes