#since i'm waiting on the kanaya one

[splickedylit]

You can't fight the role the Mother had in store for you

[thewertsearch]

One more humorous little sacrifice kindly given to the Su8juggl8ors, and one step closer to the release of the Vast Honk they prophesize. I am overjoyed to understand now this was always your destiny.

Oh, I do not like the sound of the Vast Honk.

We know that Slick's Croak is on the scale of universes, and I refuse to speculate about what a Cosmic Clown Event could entail.

Well, that just seems in poor taste.

Gamzee, for god's sake, what is your actual goal here? Is wanton murder an end in and of itself? Are you really reacting this badly to running out of slime, or were you harboring these feelings for longer than you've been sober?

Furthermore - what are you going to do if you succeed? You'll just be sitting alone in an empty session. Sure, you'll be 'higher than everyone', but only because you'll be sitting on their corpses.

Who...

...okay, I just did the maths. Literally everyone in the Veil is accounted for, except for Kanaya.

Observation #1: I love her.

Observation #2: The plaster isn't just hilarious - it's a relief. It's so quintessentially Kanaya that I'm confident she's retained most of her personality. She's still, more or less, on our side.

It's 8een nearly a week since Dualscar's fitting end and I'd all 8ut forgotten the matter. It seems the Su8juggl8ors were not particularly inspired 8y his revel8tions a8out my affairs. Sources tell me their response was to commission one of the court's neophyte legislacerators to conduct the investig8tion and 8ring me to justice.

Wait, hold that thought. Terezi Senior is about to enter this historical drama.

Now, this could literally be an adult Terezi. She's even got the cane, and judging by the glasses, she might also be blin...

Oh my god. Terezi's ancestor is blind, and Vriska knows about it.

Is that why she blinded her? For fucking symmetry?

This is so messed up. Vriska likes to think she's in control of the situation - but really, she's been entangled in her ancestor's web all along. She’s trying to repeat Mindfang’s entire life.

Neophyte Redglare is reported to 8e quite talented. I find no reason to dou8t this. Still, how can I 8e caused any unrest to learn their recourse is to send a lone, inexperienced 8ureaucrat to apprehend me?

Oh, you are fucked.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

How would the others feel/react to karkat and eridan being moirails?

Or tav and gamzee being moirails? or kanaya and aradia being moirails! (I don't remember if you had mentioned them in your re-write) or equius being the auspistise of dave and tavros??

idk I like to explore the relationships and feelings of the characters

haha i'll save erikar for last because it's the funniest one

Kanaya and Aradia are pretty much a no-brainer to people - they're both fairly calm and collected already, so while they are serving to curb each others' worst tendencies (Aradia's recklessness and Kanaya's willingness to stop caring about people she doesn't like), they're really chill and overall not a wholly unexpected development once Kanaya's moirallegiance with Vriska falls through. they're girl best friends. girl married. they confer with each other about who to kill. when they finally do agree on murdering someone's ass Watch Out. Since neither of them particularly need the moirallegiance - it helps, but it's never going to be an emergency measure for the two of them, unlike the other highbloods - it's kind of deemphasized for them both, and they tend to gravitate more towards their flushed partners. also, do yall think about how kanaya fights the undead and aradia communes with ghosts. the spooky wlw vibes

gamzee and tavros, meanwhlie, garners a kind of "oh god, of COURSE it's those two" response. They rank among the two most disliked members of the team, with Tavros's blatant weakness a mirror to many other characters, who have insecurities about being weak - and with Gamzee's facade as the super chill clown at odds with their society's insistence on death, murder, and violence. However, finding true acceptance in Tavros, Gamzee would probably drop the act, which ironically lets him make more genuine connections and friendships with the rest of the team; meanwhile, having the super scary clown by Tavros's side makes Tavros much more comfortable with standing up for himself and asserting his own independence, because if he doesn't, gamzee will probably start killing people talking to gamzee makes him feel braver because gamzee genuinely believes in him and likes him.

dave/tavros/equius is just treated by the rest of the team as Extremely Funny. Dave's friends won't stop giving him shit over it. however, tavros and equius keep getting people who go "nice work" and "congrats man" because a stable and healthy auspicetism like they have is super rare. dave is in hell

pale erikar is definitely one of those things where, once it DOES happen, everyone around them is like "oh god, it was so obvious all along." like, the people on their team were vaguely aware that the two of them were buddies, but Karkat was always privately embarrassed by how often he talked to eridan (canonically, All The Time), and nobody fucking listens to eridan anyway, so for the longest time, their friend group kind of shrugged and assumed they were platonic friends, and any weird vibes they might've picked up to the contrary were just Karkat and his vascillatory too-many-feelings nonsense because he's got such a big bleeding pusher.

In fact, the only person on the team who seems to notice they've got a pale something-something going on is gamzee, but gamzee has a palecrush on karkat so he's deliberately not telling anyone and trying to keep them apart lmao. feferi like unironically notices that eridan and karkat talk so much that eridan has nothing left to talk about with his actual moirail, but doesn't connect the dots that eridan is having an emotional affair (i'm sorry feferi you deserve better HAHAHA)

once it DOES happen, there's kind of a vibe of "wait, really, karkat? THAT guy?" because their relationship - on the outside - reads as incredibly non-traditional. it's implied that insults and death threats are, like, just how they regularly talk to each other (after karkat threatens eridan's life and thrashes him verbally, eridan goes "haha i can always count on you for some good ironic banter, nobody else gets our sense of humor ^w^"), and karkat can basically calm eridan down just by saying hello, whereas eridan keeps karkat calm by saying the most bizarre, hostile, unempathetic shit anyone's ever heard (imagine the "are you like, legit sad?" post). they both have MASSIVE insecurities about appearing weak to other people, so all of their feelings jam stuff happens so far out of the public eye that people genuinely think it never happens at all.

the only thing, publicly, that changes about how they already hang out with each other is that sometimes they'll make out... which you are generally not supposed to do with your moirail. actually everybody on the meteor (besides the humans that don't Get It) are like bro... you two are NASTY. more of karkat's vascillatory, cant-keep-his-quads straight nonsense. Eridan's down for anything as long as he's getting attention, so he's a pretty enthusiastic partner, but then afterwards he's always like "this is why you can't get a concupiscent date :///// you keep doing shit like this w/ your moirail. you have problems"

like that's one of the funniest things about pale erikar imo... it's that 90% of the time it's KARKAT who needs calming down. eridan's always on the verge of a murderous breakdown, but what that means is that he's also really good at hanging on without breaking, and it's actually super rare that he needs to be pulled back from flying off the handle (esp. as compared to sober!gamzee and equius). karkat, meanwhile, is always on a hair fucking trigger, so the biggest change the friend group sees is actually in karkat, who's so much more chill to be around now that his insecurities about weakness are being patched by having the team's ultra-strong sea dweller at his beck and call. and like, yeah, having karkat as his buddy makes eridan much less desperate for companionship with other people, which makes him more tolerable, but he still mostly sucks to be around, he's just less in-your-face about it. so people put up with the grossness of the vascillatory stuff, and cringe of it being ERIDAN of all people, because they're like, well, he's making karkat happy.

[maleyanderecafe]

Love is too Heavy for Obsessive Idol Sex (Manga)

Created by: Yomichi Ten

Genre: Smut

And some more smut stuff to translate and run with. This one has a lot of stuff going on with it, from idols, to marriage papers, to age gaps to teachers and students, this creator really tried to put literally everything they liked in there. Props to that. The yandere in this one is fairly light but persistent. Like a puppy dog if you, will. Currently there is only one chapter, but I'll update it as it goes along.

The story starts out with Aya hanging out at home, drinking beer and watching her TV for the popular idol group, Arise. Aya actually knows one of the idol group members, Sora, a child that she took care of when she was young named Kanaya. While she happily reminisces about how he wanted to marry her when he was a child, Sora suddenly announces that he's retiring from Arise to get married, something that shocks everyone. As Aya scrambles around trying to figure out what is going on, she hears someone at her door, and who other than Kanaya is there, asking her to sign a marriage paper. Aya mistakenly believes that she's the witness to the marriage until Kanaya corrects her, showing her that his promise to her when he was younger was actually real, and that he wanted to marry her. She panics, trying to make up excuses to get the two married until she basically states that it's better to go about it slowly. She tries to kick Kanaya afterwards, but Kanaya is extremely sad, stating that he always wanted to be Aya's first, but since she probably has had her first from previous boyfriends, he kept his kisses and general first time with her. After this, it starts out with a kiss before leading to sex. The next day, Aya feels guilty as everyone talks about the news of Sora retiring from Arise and everyone finds out that Kanaya is a new student there.

So like I said, there is a lot of stuff going on in this story right now and it's only the first chapter. Overall though, I do think that Kanaya is very cute, he's very innocent in a way, pretty much straight after his 18th birthday he comes to try to marry Aya because he's been wanting to do so as a child, and he didn't want to wait any longer because he saw Aya with her ex boyfriends. I guess it also flew over his head that people usually tend to date before they get married considering it wasn't even something that he thought about before Aya had to mention it in panic. He also basically refused to kiss anyone because he wanted his first to be with Aya, and it it surprising that despite the fact that Aya isn't likely a virgin anymore, he didn't get like standardly yandere mad at that, which you know is nice, in a way. Like I said, though, very puppy dog like in a innocent type of way. Aya is just a supportive person who is kind of just not understanding what the hell is going on, which fair when the kid you were taking care of when he was a child comes in an immediately demands to marry you on his 18th birthday is probably also something that takes a bit of time to process.

I'm not really sure how this story is going to go, I think it'll probably try to juggle the entire teacher student relationship and also the idol relationship- and probably drop the marriage part of it for a while at least until Aya feels more ready to do it. I'm not even sure if Aya considers the two of them dating since she never seemed to agree to most of things that Kanaya was saying, even to the point of when he was like hey, we're boyfriend and girlfriend now! With smut maybe they'll just bypass that entire thing, but who really knows.

Hopefully you enjoy this one, the cleaning on some of the earlier pages was a bit of a pain because Aya also does a lot of internal thinking (I mean, panicking) before the actual sex scenes happen.

[gendertrickster]

:33 < wait can you purrhaps explains how egbert made rosemary happen?

okay so i'm going to explain this from kanaya's perspective as it is somehow the most str8forward of the three of them

CONVERSATION ONE

kanaya is commanded by karkat to start trolling the humans, and she picks rose because she has already developed an impression of what kind of person rose is meant to be based on the guide she wrote and stored on a lone server in the depths of the furthest ring, which kanaya then made use of in the session that produced the universe rose inhabited in the first place.

however, as one who lacks any competence at computers whatsoever, kanaya stumbles through the first conversation without the viewport open, a conversation which gives her the impression that rose is very snarky and stupid and a huge smartass. in reality, the person behind the screen was john egbert, who was opaquely trolling kanaya back because he happened to be at rose's computer at the random point in time kanaya chose to troll rose — rose was asleep. "rose" suggests kanaya go troll john in the past so she can figure out what is going on with these humans.

following this, kanaya gets the viewport to work just as john has already left the room and sees rose, now awake, standing at her door. she then bears witness to the thank-you prank john prepared as a response to rose gifting him the knitted bunny:

she is mortified by the sight, concluding that rose can be nothing short of an utter buffoon.

she then determines there's really no point to trolling someone who can evidently provide no intellectual challenge. the next logical course of action, then, is to go troll john fucking egbert

john proceeds to prove even DUMBER than "rose", which drives kanaya fucking insane — which is what john wanted in the first place, since acting like an idiot is his go-to countertrolling method — and lands john a humble few ticks of the prankster's gambit (for now). john suggests kanaya give rose another chance, and kanaya departs with no intention of john "ever hearing from her again", which is true from her perspective but not john's, because she just finished talking to john in the future, who was disguised as rose.

kanaya finds no interest in talking to dave or jade and, to her vast irritation, finds her curiosity drifting back in rose's direction.

CONVERSATION TWO

kanaya finds john to have been right, that this rose is not the same one she spoke to in her first conversation, and concludes that rose has indeed been toying with her all along. she informally declares trolling war on rose lalonde.

CONVERSATION THREE

kanaya skips ahead to a point where she'd hoped friendship had been established already but finds rose unresponsive, and also that rose has at this point already figured out what has been going on in regards to the "smart rose/dumb rose" thing, and that it wasn't a tactical move on rose's part. she doesn't give details, of course, because that would cause a time paradox, but it clues kanaya in on her future self's machinations.

her fourth, fifth, and sixth conversations pass by offscreen, with kanaya feeling as if she's losing hold on this friendship gambit she's putting effort into for some reason. she goes to dave for insight, as he is rose's server player, and he tells her to pull out all the psychological stops and play mind games wherever possible. she believes she knows how to proceed.

and it is here where her plan comes to form in full:

CONVERSATION SEVEN

here, kanaya attaches "ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt", which is the first conversation kanaya had with user tentacleTherapist. at this point in rose's timeline, this conversation hasn't happened yet; this is only her second conversation with kanaya, whereas her first with kanaya was kanaya's "third" with rose. the attached conversation would be rose's next conversation with kanaya, or so the two of them both thought at this point.

kanaya's play here, then, is that by sending this conversation (with various edits and tactical omissions) to rose, rose would be forced into the causal position of reenacting it perfectly, making herself look the fool to kanaya, sparking this trolling effort in the first place, thereby being outplayed by kanaya and, officially, trolled.

except,

rose was not the one who spoke to kanaya the first time she contacted that handle.

it was john.

CONVERSATION EIGHT

kanaya, having now been hooked by john, pulled all the way through several conversations with rose that culminated in the impression that she had the upper hand, and finally being led to observe rose destroying a vital game construct in a display of light-player hubris with which kanaya is deeply and viscerally familiar, has been successfully trolled by john into a position of deep concern and reckless affection for rose lalonde, hook, line, and sinker.

whether john actually planned any of this is hardly a question, but if you asked him at the time, he'd absolutely take credit for it in the smarmiest manner conjurable

[divineerdrick]

Homestuck: Beyond Canon Upd8 for March 23, 2024

As James promised, we've got a second post for this month. No news or anything to go along with it, so let's just jump straight in!

Jane is evidently not handling things well.

Ah, good! We've got a link to the previous conversation. This can be very helpful for dealing with timeline shenanigans in the middle of pesterlogs. I just hope they're not too worried about our ability to put together where we are in the story. I mean if we've stuck around this long . . .

Jane's paranoia is building, but she appears to have not noticed Jake is spying on her. Still she seems somewhat overconfident in her abilities. To be fair, she has been dodging and surviving assassination attempts since childhood.

Wait! Jane on the moon? I thought that wasn't canon! Well, if anything on Earth C past the credits are supposed to be canon at least. I wonder if that means we might return to some of the sprite shenanigans?

Oh wow! This is a tirade and a half! The worst part is a lot of it is true. We know Jake wasn't the best parent for Jade, and we know now about Joey and Jude. But still, I got the impression Jake was much more in Tavvy's life than Jane was. And seriously! Forcing a premature pregnancy with Life powers? The hell! Worst part is when it comes to Homestuck's worst guardians, I'm pretty sure that only barely breaks top 5.

I'm dying! Jake is doing a Gamzee impression and Dirk can't take it!

Well that's a sentence I just read.

Jegus, Tavvy is still very much definitely in the running for worst childhood though . . .

Of all the things to say . . . No! No Jane! You don't get to claim any LGBTQ+ Allyship!

Still, although the Candy timeline is pushing things to an extreme, this is a side of Jane I don't think ever got considered. Jane has been training all her life to be a public figure, to be an Empress really. And as much as I love them, a bunch of idiot teenagers created a civilization and then just let it build for 5,000 years. From the previous iteration of beyond Canon, it seems the Exiles were the true guides until the kids returned.

And Jane saw a group of adoring, worshipful people greet them and knew she needed to step up. It just sucks she couldn't bring herself to truly include the Trolls in that.

Yeah, I'm with Dirk on this one. Wow! Jane blamed Jake for Dirk's death. Just, wow . . . And here I thought Jake was the one who never truly understood their friends.

All and all this was a really painful conversation. I think this one might have been worse than the one between Jade, Rose, and Kanaya. Why do some of the worst conversations in this story take place between Jake and Jane. From reading this, I'm really getting the impression they've always been more codependent than actually in love.

Oh fuck! That really fucking sells it!

I'm at a loss for words. I don't know if this is going to actually stick, or what Jake will actually do when I press, "Page of Hope: Rise up." but that was one hell of a way to realize an epiphany.

Wait, no! That's it! Like I get the reference but really! We're just going to open the door and leave it there!

Oh who am I kidding! How can I be in this fandom and honestly complain about an ending to an upd8 like this. Yes, I want it to keep going! Yes, I wanted a flash video to start! But how many times has this story kept me waiting? Let's just hope we don't have too much longer.

[abundantchewtoys]

HS:BC re: p666.3

So, a new path has opened.

And oh man was it a good one.

Even if we never saw the conversations Vriska had with Eridan, John & Kanaya. Still good to know she resolved some of her feelings regarding them. As for what she ended up admitting to them, or what her issues really were towards them, we might still find out later.

I wonder how her epiphanies regarding Tavros & Eridan changed how she acted towards GCATavros & Erisol during her stay.

It's really surprising but heartwarming, seeing Vriska have such a good relationship with Nannasprite. I'm a bit curious to see more of Nannasprite 2, since she's the one that should be closest to Jade. But she's really developed a lot in this update!

Man, I hadn't even thought about the parallels between Dad Egbert & Tavros Crocker. But yeah, on the whole, Jane Egbert turned out a LOT better adjusted! Even after becoming a one-handed harlequin ghost.

Really cool to see her animated talksprite here, she truly is Nanna Jane. Also, she's talking a lot more subdued. And making all these blue lady puns! Guess Grandpa didn't develop his obsession with those specific types of paintings out of thin air after all. Assuming the sprites are really there and not projections of the Plot Hole, it makes sense. She's had a lot of years by now to become adjusted to her state of being. … Man, now I'm picturing what it could have been like if Nannasprite had stuck around with John & the others on Candy Earth. How would she and Harry Anderson have gotten along?

Nannasprite and John holding "jam sessions" though. :D I guess they put a spin on holding "feelings jams".

And man, Nanna had her own tome to bond with her father through, jeesh, never considered that. Despite lacking Maid of Life powers (at the time), she 'resurrected' her father by bearing him a grandson.

And yeah, she really lacked in human contact, huh? I mean, she got raised by an alien! One that "stole" her "life"'s potential, yeah I see what they did there.

In any case, it's cool we have confirmation now that Dad Egbert's Jane's biological offspring. Meaning him and Dad Crocker are more like uncle and nephew, pffff.

Makes me wonder if that means Nanna and John share "love of pipes, harlequins, cakes, detective stories" genes. Also, the big nose gene :D Maybe their other maritial halves were in fact siblings carrying that DNA. :B

That Nannasprite sees Jane's development and concludes some things about herself. chef's kiss She really is the OG Nanna, I figure Candy Jake should have a chance to meet her again.

… Wait, yeah, but Nanna refers to herself as Jane Crocker here, isn't that a first? I mean, logically she must have been called that, if not Jane Sassacre, but it's a first to read it being said, I think?

"NANNASPRITE: Is that how you kids think these days? My lord, no wonder none of you go outside anymore." Truth. Also, funny, cause people not going outside are… Well, homestuck. :p

When first Vriska said she got stuck on 'her', my first thought of course was Terezi. See, I figured she might have had to have conversations with Spidermom & perhaps even a nebulous manifestation of Mindfang.

But this? Oh man.

This was really a fine way to inspect all the fucked up ways her childhood was twisted. Even, apparently, according to Alternian standards!

Her 'custodian' never fed her, raised her or anything. She has so much in common with the Striders, in fact. Having to fend for themselves in a hostile environment.

Like Dirk, all she knew about her role model was hearsay. She didn't even have facts to go on, just a self-indulgent journal.

Momfang is an appropriate stuff of nightmares. It's what would have happened had she doubleprototyped with Mindfang's journal, perhaps.

Imagine Dualdadsprite, or Summonbullsprite… Momglaresprite! Oh man.

It's so sad, but yeah, I understand how the only thing Vriska can really do with her fucked up childhood… Is move away from it and leave it behind.

Dang if this wasn't an exquisite look behind her old blustery facade. I also like that she's shown in guardian mode now, as of being 12 sweeps old :D

And having grown out of FLARPing a little… Wow. Well, like John, maybe she'll find her way back into appreciating it. :D

Also crazy how this version of Mindfang is a mix of the book version & Vriska's FLARPsona.

And that Vriska has started comparing Vrissy favorably to herself!

In any case, cool for her to have closure on that part.

Now, I wonder if this means the rest of the conversations are less of a challenge for her and more a way to round things off.

But confronting Doc Scratch (if he's behind the cueball) and her inability to beat Lord English (if that's what the conversation behind Davepeta's feather is going to be about) might be tall hurdles for her to pass still!

[cure-typhoon]

Been an arasol warrior since 2011 but wouldn't mind if solkat became a thing hs^2 (unlikely but it would've been interesting)

Also, what do you think it's gonna happen between davekat?

HMMMM, I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Davekat in neither timeline, the Meat one was basically pushed by Ult!Dirk, so I wonder if thats ever going to come up. Right now those two are more like, accesories for that timeline, theyre not doing much, I remember Karkat ascending was hinted so maybe that? They're going to help defeat Ult!Dirk in the end so maybe Karkat can help Kanaya with Rose's body? I remember they had her tubed up so he could do smt there?? Idk I honestly have no idea what those two are going to do, I'll have to wait a couple of updates to see

About Candy Davekat, I REALLLYYYY hope theyre not getting back together, like genuinly, Dave was just fine with Jane's racism for years until Karkat left, wasnt she also at their wedding? whatever, and then not being able to act normal while theyre in the middle of a War like JHDCHBBD Candy Dave is soooo, pathetic, but not even in a fun way, maybe they could recouncile, but I feel they could become friends at most

I havent even talked about Dave becoming a Robot dchbhd, he just ditched to stop Ult!Dirk, so I dont think theyll be together, probably a shitty reunion where Karkat punches Davebot at most, separatedly they will be doing theyre own thing (Stopping Jane, Stopping Dirk, etc)

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, Karkat Vantas

Act 6, page 4696-4721

DAVE: hey

ROSE: Sup.

DAVE: anyone seen terezi around

ROSE: No.

ROSE: Why?

DAVE: we were gonna do a thing

DAVE: but shes not around and not answering my messages

DAVE: on any one of the probably ten thousand computers lying around that they would show up on

ROSE: A thing?

DAVE: yes a thing

ROSE: I see.

DAVE: shut up

DAVE: what about you have you seen her

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: Have You Seen Gamzee

DAVE: are you serious

DAVE: of course not

DAVE: i havent seen that guy at all since the first day we got here

DAVE: not once

KANAYA: Yeah

KANAYA: I Know

DAVE: talk about an elusive juggalo

DAVE: probably like the shyest fuckin juggalo of all time

DAVE: im pretty sure only karkats seen him

DAVE: dont expect him to rat him out either because of the "morail" junk

DAVE: moirail?

DAVE: mwah rail...

DAVE: alien words

KANAYA: I Wouldnt Expect Him To

KANAYA: I Wouldnt Even Ask It Would Be Really Bad Form To Ask Him That

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: i mean i bet you think youre imparting some really obscure cultural fact about trolls

DAVE: but really if a human said to another human

DAVE: "hey man can you tell me where your best clown friend is hiding so i can go chainsaw him to death"

DAVE: just fyi that would probably be bad form too

KANAYA: Okay

DAVE: i dunno its been a year already i think hes really intent on hiding

DAVE: and hanging on to those dead bodies

DAVE: hes probably scared to death of you at this point anyway

DAVE: maybe you should just let it go

KANAYA: Hmm

DAVE: rose back me up

ROSE: I try to stay out of troll interpersonal politics.

DAVE: interpersonal

DAVE: wait

DAVE: are you saying this is like

DAVE: a spade quadrant thing

DAVE: is she trying to be his kismet fish

ROSE: I'm saying no such thing!

DAVE: well if she hates him isnt that what that means

ROSE: Dave, don't be a dick. You're embarrassing her.

DAVE: haha no im not shes cool

DAVE: look shes being cool about it

KANAYA: Im Being Cool About It

DAVE: see????

KANAYA: Its Not Like That

KANAYA: I Just Want To Find Him

KANAYA: And

KANAYA: At Least Wound Him Somewhat

DAVE: yeah see i knew there had to be a perfectly harmless and unerotic explanation

ROSE: (shh!)

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: See Im Explaining This Badly

KANAYA: All Im Saying Is Basically

KANAYA: Just

KANAYA: Fuck That Guy

DAVE: got it

DAVE: so what are you up to in here

DAVE: whats with all these books

ROSE: Research.

ROSE: We're trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together.

ROSE: You are aware this meteor has many secret rooms scattered throughout, including libraries, right?

DAVE: hell yeah

DAVE: we looted one of them for the can town project

ROSE: Can Town?

DAVE: i told you about can town didnt i

ROSE: No??

DAVE: well

DAVE: the thing about can town

DAVE: and all there really is to say about can town is

DAVE: its awesome

DAVE: the end???

ROSE: Wow.

ROSE: What a story.

DAVE: fu

DAVE: so

DAVE: what is the point of this research

ROSE: Primarily to gain a more thorough understanding of the situation we'll be entering when we arrive.

DAVE: i thought you pretty much already knew the situation

DAVE: since you can see the future

ROSE: Oh my God.

ROSE: I've told you. I can't see the future!

DAVE: yes you can

DAVE: you totally can

ROSE: Ok. But not all of it. Only certain relevant pieces.

ROSE: It's a bit frustrating when people make that presumption about you.

ROSE: For instance, you are a Knight of Time. Since you have such mastery over time, doesn't that mean you should know everything about the future too?

DAVE: no thats totally dumb

DAVE: i could know things about the future if i time traveled and found out first hand

DAVE: nobodys mistaking that about me im a time traveler not a fuckin fortune teller its simple as shit

ROSE: Right. So there are significant limitations on what you can know, governed by certain rules.

ROSE: That's how it is for a Seer too.

DAVE: ok whatever

ROSE: But I will say that I have been able to use these abilities to assist with research.

ROSE: I can treat my finite glimpses as an additional source of information.

ROSE: If you combine that with the knowledge we've gathered from these texts, and things we've learned from our various encounters with the deceased, with a bit of inference and deduction, a more detailed picture is coming into focus.

DAVE: nice

ROSE: Do you want to hear about it?

DAVE: uh

DAVE: now?

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: Why not? It's been a year.

ROSE: It seems like all we've done on this trip so far is indulge in lavish interior decoration projects and screw around with mysterious "Can Town" initiatives, which may or may not be consuming valuable library resources as building materials.

ROSE: We could make at least some effort to squeeze in annual briefings on our objective.

DAVE: yeah that would be pretty legit of us

ROSE: I think you'll find that when it comes to striving for a reasonable approximation of legitimacy, we are simply the most barely adequate there is.

DAVE: ok i didnt really catch any of that bullshit cause i wasnt listening

DAVE: im gonna make myself a cup of coffee and get primed to listen to you saying a lot of stuff like that

DAVE: do you want some

ROSE: Um. Sure.

DAVE: kanaya?

KANAYA: No Thank You

DAVE: ok

DAVE: ...

DAVE: this fuckin thing

DAVE: where did you even unearth this piece of shit from

DAVE: oh ok there it goes

DAVE: two hot revitalizing cups of shitty coffee

DAVE: fresh out of the weird pod

DAVE: why do we even drink this shit

DAVE: i guess just cause this thing is here

DAVE: like somehow the temptation is even stronger because the coffee sucks?

DAVE: dunno how the fuck that works

DAVE: wish there was such a thing as apple juice on troll world

DAVE: could go for a bottle of aj

DAVE: i wonder if theres any booze squirreled away on this meteor

DAVE: kinda feels like we should be drinking our asses off here

DAVE: no adults nothing to do

DAVE: thats what you do without adults right

DAVE: get wasted all the time?

DAVE: wait what the fuck am i saying trolls dont even have adults

DAVE: well they do

DAVE: but theyre all in outer space being insane badasses

DAVE: i guess they do have the stupid nanny monsters

DAVE: do the monsters give a shit if they get wasted

ROSE: Are you talking to us?

DAVE: what

ROSE: We can't even hear you mumbling over there.

DAVE: oh

ROSE: How's that coffee coming?

DAVE: off the shit is how

DAVE: all being like

DAVE: in cups and everything

ROSE: Be sure it makes it to the table before it accumulates that strange unctuous film on the surface.

DAVE: so whats with the big book youre writing in

DAVE: is that more wizard fan fiction

ROSE: No, it's something like an extensive journal.

ROSE: I'm recording everything we've been through so far, and detailed notes on everything we know about the game.

ROSE: I'm also using it to document our research, and extrapolate on the new session and players.

DAVE: so its like

DAVE: your nigh unreadable gamefaq

DAVE: in tome form

ROSE: Somewhat.

DAVE: you sure like to write big game guides

ROSE: I don't look at it that way.

ROSE: I'm approaching it from a standpoint of responsible historical documentation.

ROSE: Don't you think people in the future will want to know about our story?

DAVE: i guess

ROSE: I think it could be a very useful resource some day.

ROSE: It could be helpful to others beginning their own quests.

DAVE: ehh

DAVE: chances of that seem pretty remote

KANAYA: I Really Wouldnt Rule It Out

DAVE: ok totally sold on that suddenly

DAVE: on account of not caring

DAVE: so tell me about the new session

DAVE: what is there to know

DAVE: and most importantly

DAVE: how is everything going to go wrong this time

ROSE: From what I understand, everything already has gone wrong before the game even started, in many different ways than ours did.

ROSE: There are indications of thicker political intrigue. Assassination attempts. And a usurpation of the throne more insidious than what we dealt with.

ROSE: But those examples still don't illustrate the fundamental fault with their session.

ROSE: Ours had a similar fault. It was a null session.

ROSE: Literature on the subject says null sessions are actually very common.

ROSE: It is any session resulting in failure, and as such, designed to result in failure from the start, due to Skaia's comprehensive "knowledge" of its own fate, and that of all it illumines.

ROSE: Biologically speaking, it's to be expected that null sessions far outnumber the successful ones. When it comes to reproductive systems, overwhelming redundancy is commonplace.

ROSE: A universe has a reproductive system that spreads many seeds, as it were, most of which never come to fruition. So we shouldn't feel too bad about our results, really. It was quite par for the course.

ROSE: But then, it would also seem that exceedingly few null sessions result in the birth of a massive green star fueled by two dead universes. For what it's worth.

DAVE: ok but i thought the whole point of this

DAVE: the scratch thing

DAVE: is it gave us a chance to still win

DAVE: but youre saying the new session has a fault too?

ROSE: Well, yes. There's more to it though.

ROSE: The new session is essentially our session, rebooted with different parameters which also affected the original conditions of our universe.

ROSE: And strangely, it seems the new one is a null session as well, but within a much less common subset of all null sessions.

ROSE: This one is referred to as a void session.

DAVE: ok

DAVE: which is what

ROSE: It's very simply a session in which nothing is prototyped before entry, at all.

ROSE: Hence, by Skaia's preemptive all-knowing and its influence on the rest of the incipisphere, there are not even any towers on Prospit or Derse built to receive the split kernels.

ROSE: See?

DAVE: weird

DAVE: why would these alt universe players fuck up in such an obvious and stupid way

ROSE: I don't know what specifically led to the failure to prototype anything.

ROSE: But it doesn't really matter. As I said, the session was designed this way before they began playing. Any efforts to prototype may have been in vain regardless. Possibly subject to sabotage.

DAVE: didnt you say at some point that not prototyping anything would be really bad

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: It's just another way to create an infertile session. Though by a less catastrophic and bloody route we took to achieve the same result.

ROSE: By contrast, it leads to a rather harmless, uneventful session. Underlings remain unaugmented, and so does the royalty.

ROSE: And while this may sound advantageous to the players, it's a curse in disguise. The lack of prototypings which keeps adversaries unevolved has the same influence on the battlefield.

ROSE: Without successive prototypings, the battlefield will never reach its final form, which must be fertilized to grow a new universe.

ROSE: Instead, it remains in its most basic form, stuck in eternal stalemate.

ROSE: There is nothing players in a void session can do to change this. They are resigned to live out the rest of their days in a dead end session.

DAVE: still waiting to hear how this is in any way an improvement on all the shit we just escaped from

ROSE: It's a vast improvement.

ROSE: The new session is a blank slate, without a ridiculously short time limit for victory like ours had.

ROSE: There will be no time limit at all, in fact.

ROSE: Once we arrive, ostensibly that is when the nature of the session will change.

ROSE: It won't be classifiable as either a null or void session anymore. It will be something which, as far as I can tell, is unique.

ROSE: The fully matured battlefield from our session can be used to make the new one viable. The path to success will be made possible by a combination of efforts and assets from both iterations.

ROSE: Usually scratched sessions are absolute resets, and involve no direct influence from the first attempt at all. I can't find any precedent for our situation.

DAVE: jade has our battlefield right

ROSE: Yes.

DAVE: so she shows up and drops it in skaia

DAVE: and then we take the result of all that damn frog breeding we did and stick the thing in there somehow

DAVE: and we sit back and wait for it to do its huge ribbit or whatever

DAVE: and were golden

ROSE: Pretty much.

ROSE: As long as there is an actual vacancy in the center of Skaia when we get there.

DAVE: is that going to be a problem

ROSE: I don't think so.

ROSE: Even if it were, it would be a trivial obstacle.

ROSE: But as it is, I think the forces opposing these players are clandestinely working toward the same goal as we are.

ROSE: From what I can tell, gestures of antagonism, while certainly posing legitimate danger, have been factored in as critical stepping stones to one destination shared by all parties.

ROSE: I don't know why this is, or what the motives are yet.

ROSE: The appearance is one of clear sailing ahead, but traces of conspiracy are everywhere.

DAVE: ok but

DAVE: conspiracies aside

DAVE: did it ever really look like clear sailing to you

DAVE: thats not what i was seeing

DAVE: we are going to arrive and then soon after jack is going to show up

DAVE: and then we have to beat him right

DAVE: so there kind of is a time limit

ROSE: Yes, we will have to deal with Jack before all is said and done.

ROSE: And that will definitely be a major challenge.

ROSE: But it is not impossible. At least, not by design.

ROSE: When I said there would be no time limit in this session, I was talking about something more specific.

ROSE: There will be no reckoning.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: why not

ROSE: It's a logical consequence of any void session.

ROSE: The battlefield never evolves, and therefore the more extensive war between Prospit and Derse never takes shape.

ROSE: It is only when the Prospitian king falls in battle that the reckoning can be initiated by the forces of Derse.

ROSE: The meteors then rush to destroy the battlefield, while Skaia redirects them through defense portals for as long as it can.

ROSE: Thus, if there is no war, there is no reckoning, no meteors, and no imminent threat of failure.

ROSE: This is of course good news for Earth as well. During the reckoning, Skaia redirects all incoming meteors to the only place it can. Earth.

ROSE: So it turns out that players who initiate a void session are not actually condemning their home planet to an apocalyptic wasteland after they leave.

ROSE: In the new instance of our universe, Earth is just fine.

ROSE: Sort of.

DAVE: so

DAVE: no meteors came at all

DAVE: you mean by fucking up and having to scratch we also sort of saved earth in the process

ROSE: Again: sort of.

ROSE: And it's not that there were no meteors whatsoever.

ROSE: Just the vast majority of the destructive onslaught never showed up.

ROSE: But delivering the temple to the site of the forge is still integral to jumpstarting the session.

ROSE: That meteor however could have been propelled through a portal by any means, not just via the reckoning.

DAVE: i see

DAVE: what about the players themselves

DAVE: they had to arrive on meteors too didnt they

DAVE: i guess the baby meteors were some exceptions too right

ROSE: Yes.

ROSE: But they weren't flung through portals in their own session, nor will they be created there.

ROSE: They were created in our session, and sent back through our portals. Just like us.

DAVE: ................

ROSE: To understand what happened, it really helps to understand exactly what a scratch is.

ROSE: When John severely damaged the Beat Mesa on your planet, and sent it off to Skaia to release its temporal energy there, you could view it as a kind of "request."

ROSE: We were asking Skaia to change everything at a fundamental level, and we gave it the energy to do so.

ROSE: But Skaia is a very passive entity. It only "knows" and "sees," but it never quite "acts."

ROSE: When it is asked to change everything, there is only so much it has control over.

ROSE: In fact, it has control over exactly one thing. The defense portals.

ROSE: It can decide to send important meteors to different points in time than originally planned, thus creating alternate realities.

ROSE: Offshoots of promise, rather than futility.

ROSE: And it turns out the most important meteors of all tend to be the ones delivering the young players to their planet.

ROSE: So all it has to do to change everything is tweak their destination times a bit.

ROSE: All internally-prompted changes in the post-scratch universe are decided entirely by this modest adjustment to the parameters.

ROSE: It's a very simple concept, actually.

ROSE: Yet the consequences are dramatic. It results in not only a hard reset for the session, but a partial reset for the universe too, due to the many causal entanglements between a session and its originating universe.

DAVE: what do you mean tweak the destination times

DAVE: where did they get sent to

ROSE: A variety of different time periods.

ROSE: The simplest way to way to look at it is to picture the original destinations of our two groups of four ecto-babies...

ROSE: And switch them.

DAVE: what

ROSE: Though this is just a slight oversimplification.

ROSE: While it's roughly true, Skaia had some peculiar whims this time.

ROSE: While most landed in time periods corresponding with the original group,

ROSE: It seems that two of the new players arrived four centuries ahead of everyone else.

ROSE: For some bizarre reason.

DAVE: uh

ROSE: But they're still apparently able to communicate with their coplayers through I guess some Trollian-like technology, and they're still able to establish game connections with the others. So this stands as an odd but not otherwise terribly significant detail.

DAVE: so

DAVE: uh

DAVE: in this alt universe group of us and

DAVE: them

DAVE: which ones are the actual players

ROSE: I'll give you a hint.

ROSE: It isn't us.

DAVE: fuck

DAVE: why did i know that was gonna be the answer

ROSE: And to think that usually I'm the one accused of knowing the future.

DAVE: i dunno if im ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit

ROSE: You would find it less disconcerting if the players were alternate versions of us?

DAVE: man

DAVE: at least im used to dealing with alt daves

DAVE: ive been fuck deep in alt daves before

DAVE: its a goddamn delight if you want to know the truth

DAVE: but i dont even know what to think about...

ROSE: What?

ROSE: Meeting a deceased figure of authority as a peer?

DAVE: lets not even talk about it ok

DAVE: can we slow down this meteor

DAVE: delay the meetup

DAVE: maybe fight jack for a little while

ROSE: I honestly thought you would find the idea exciting.

ROSE: I know I'm looking forward to it.

DAVE: but your mom was just a nice alcoholic spinster who liked wizards who you complained about for no reason

DAVE: she wasnt anything like an untouchable master of irony who could replace the meat in your sandwich before it even occurred to you what the fuck you were chewing

DAVE: let me ask you this did your mom ever wiggle a puppet in your face even ONCE

ROSE: Not that I recall.

ROSE: But anecdotes like that just make me more curious to meet him, personally.

DAVE: fine well you can be on bro duty then

DAVE: ill be the ambassador to your mom

DAVE: and no that wasnt actually meant as the sick burn it sounded like

ROSE: She's your mom too, though.

DAVE: yeah i know

DAVE: ill be the ambassador to my mom then

DAVE: that sounds pretty stupid when i say it that way

DAVE: whatever

DAVE: ill be the fuckin one man welcome wagon for the john and jade teen old people and also our mom thats the plan

DAVE: so when we finally see them we can get our shit into formation like trained acrobats

DAVE: like ill blow a whistle and we make a human pyramid got it

DAVE: that way we can totally avoid anything awkward

ROSE: You do realize we've seen her already, right?

DAVE: what

DAVE: when

ROSE: Months ago.

ROSE: In a dream.

ROSE: She was floating along in Derse pajamas, asleep.

DAVE: wait that was her

ROSE: Yes.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: huh

DAVE: .....

ROSE: You're wondering why I didn't tell you?

DAVE: no

ROSE: You're specifically wondering why I wasn't forthcoming with an answer to your question at the time, "hey who was that choice babe in the pajamas?"

DAVE: god fucking dammit

ROSE: You don't find it nostalgic at all?

ROSE: Retracing the steps of some of our Freudian semi-blunders in conversations past?

DAVE: no what a load of shit

DAVE: stuff said between you and me before we knew we were related

DAVE: we both know that was a lot of horseplay bullfuckery between like smartass 10 year olds or whatever

DAVE: you cant seriously have taken any of that seriously

ROSE: ;)

DAVE: ugh dont ever do that

DAVE: all these fuckin

DAVE: momtraps and sistertraps

DAVE: what a joke i hope skaia gets to have a good laugh over shit like this

DAVE: wait i forgot skaia doesnt laugh it just "sees" and "knows"

DAVE: its like a huge blue perv thats mad jazzed for kidcest

KANAYA: What Are You People Even Talking About

ROSE: ;)

DAVE: dont you wink at her

DAVE: kanaya heres a protip that wink meant jack dick shes just being weird

KANAYA: I Feel As Though This Conversation Has Utterly Outmaneuvered My Constructive Involvement

KANAYA: Im Going To Go

DAVE: yeah im pretty much ollying outie too

DAVE: got some shit to attend to

DAVE: after you

KANAYA: Augh

KANAYA: Why Does That Always Happen

KARKAT: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE GODDAMN WAY.

KARKAT: I GOT A LAB FULL OF HUMANS, A MOUTH FULL OF YELLING, AND A TORTURED PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE FULL OF TOTALLY HYSTERICAL EMOTIONS AND UNAIRED GRIEVANCES AT PRACTICALLY EVERYBODY.

DAVE: karkat is broken guys

KARKAT: YEAH

KARKAT: OK HOLD ON

KARKAT: IF I CAN SETTLE DOWN A TICK I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE MORE SENSE SHORTLY

KARKAT: JUST ONE...

KARKAT: *huff huff*

ROSE: Maybe you should lie down on the couch.

KARKAT: FUCK...

KARKAT: *wheeze*

KARKAT: NO

DAVE: dude what is the matter with you

KARKAT: WOW OK

KARKAT: THAT WAS A PRETTY TERRIBLE ENTRANCE.

KARKAT: ANYWAY

KARKAT: WHERE WAS I.

DAVE: dunno but i was just leaving

KARKAT: NOT SO FAST STRIDER, THIS HEAVILY CONCERNS YOU.

KARKAT: IT CONCERNS YOU EXCLUSIVELY IN FACT.

KARKAT: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?

DAVE: just stepping out to do a thing

DAVE: which is not your business

KARKAT: LIKE MY INFLAMED QUAKING GALLSPHINCTER IT'S NOT.

KARKAT: TELL ME, ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE GOING TO HAVE SOME COMPANY WHEN YOU STEP OUT TO DO THIS "THING?"

KARKAT: NOTICE THE TWO HEAVILY DRAMATIZED "ENCLOSURE TALONS" SURROUNDING THAT WORD, WHICH I AM SCORNFULLY PANTOMIMING WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS, AS PRESENTLY BEING DEMONSTRATED FOR YOU.

DAVE: yeah sure

KARKAT: OH??

KARKAT: WHO WOULD THAT BE MAY I ASK?

DAVE: well

DAVE: probably the mayor

DAVE: hes usually down for whatever

KARKAT: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING MAYOR, AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.

DAVE: hey dont be saying shit about the mayor

DAVE: the mayor rules hes like my best fucking friend

KARKAT: HE'S NOT A MAYOR. HE'S THE MAYOR OF FUCKSTICK JUNCTION LOCATED SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF PRETEND ASS NOWHERE.

DAVE: hes a mayor you douche his thing says mayor

KARKAT: IT SAYS "MAYO" AND HE WROTE THE "R" HIMSELF.

KARKAT: HE'S AT BEST A MAYO. AND WHO EVER HEARD OF A MAYO? IT'S EVERY BIT AS IMAGINARY AS HIS IDENTITY AS AN ELECTED OFFICIAL.

DAVE: no mayo is like grub sauce but without grubs

KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK EVER HEARD OF GRUB SAUCE WITHOUT GRUBS??? WHAT'S IT MADE OF THEN GENIUS!

DAVE: like

DAVE: uh

DAVE: i dunno its white and it just sort of exists

DAVE: you dont ask about mayo thats not what you do with mayo

KARKAT: ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW QUICKLY YOUR BULLSHIT UNRAVELS WHEN SOMEONE INTELLIGENT ACTUALLY HOLDS YOU ACCOUNTABLE??

KARKAT: YOU ARE FUCKING BUSTED STRIDER.

KARKAT: YOU ARE BUSTED ABOUT "MAYO" AND YOU ARE BUSTED ABOUT TEREZI.

DAVE: hahaha you are pathetic

DAVE: this is why you all stormed in here out of breath

DAVE: what did you actually sprint all the way across the meteor to tell me this

KARKAT: WHAT I DO WITH MY LEGS AND HOW FAST I MOVE THEM IS MY BUSINESS YOU SHIT.

DAVE: yeah and what i do with mine is mine

DAVE: watch me make them make me leave

KARKAT: I SAID STAY YOUR ASS PUT, WE'RE TALKING HERE.

DAVE: dude dont touch my cape

DAVE: ...

DAVE: huh

KARKAT: WHAT

DAVE: i cant believe i seriously just said dude dont touch my cape to somebody and was serious about it

KARKAT: OK, LOOK I'M NOWHERE NEAR YOUR PRECIOUS STUPID CAPE. JUST LISTEN.

KARKAT: BEFORE YOU GO OFF TO SNOG TEREZI IN YOUR IDIOTIC LITTLE VILLAGE OF NUTRITION CYLINDERS, HEAR ME OUT.

DAVE: man

DAVE: you are so overblowing this

KARKAT: BUT I DON'T THINK THAT I AM!

DAVE: yeah you are

DAVE: you have some idea about us or what were getting up to

DAVE: so weve done a few things together to pass the time so what

DAVE: i dont even think you could call them dates or anything

DAVE: what the fuck would even qualify as a date on this gross dark meteor

KARKAT: DAVE, CAN WE JUST CUT THE SHIT?

KARKAT: I AM NOT AN IMBECILE. YOU ARE BOTH PLAINLY TIPPING INTO FLUSHED TERRITORY IRRESPECTIVE OF ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS OR WHATEVER LAME CONDITIONS IT IS HUMANS BELIEVE TO BE OPTIMAL FOR PURSUING A MATESPRITSHIP.

KARKAT: ANYONE CAN SEE THAT, IT'S THE SHITTIEST KEPT SECRET ON THIS METEOR. PROBABLY EVEN THE FUCKING MAYOR GETS IT, AND LET'S FACE IT, HE'S A LITTLE SLOW.

KARKAT: DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD PULL THE WOOLBEAST MATERIAL OVER THE EYES OF A HARDENED VETERAN OF ROMANTIC STUDIES?

DAVE: we have one of those???

KARKAT: I HAVE SEEN THOUSANDS OF TROLL ROMANCE FILMS, EACH DEALING WITH TOPICS FAR MORE SUBTLE AND COMPLEX THAN YOUR PEDESTRIAN HUMAN MIND COULD EVER GRASP.

KARKAT: AND IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, I'VE ALREADY WATCHED HUNDREDS OF YOUR MORE PRIMITIVE BUT MODERATELY ENTERTAINING ROMANCE FILMS.

KARKAT: REMEMBER HOW I DOWNLOADED A FUCK TON OF THEM AFTER DISCOVERING YOUR SPECIES? I AM A CURIOUS MAN, DAVE, YOU COULD LEARN FROM ME.

DAVE: yeah i remember

DAVE: havent you only watched a bunch of shitty dane cook movies on infinite loop since we left

KARKAT: YOU'RE SEVERELY EXAGGERATING, BUT YES I HAVE SAMPLED HIS WORK.

DAVE: dude

DAVE: you know youre only pretending to be a huge fan of his bullshit to piss me off

KARKAT: AGAIN LOOK AT HOW SELF ABSORBED YOU'RE BEING!!!

KARKAT: I HAPPEN TO THINK HE HAS A BRILLIANT COMEDIC MIND, FOR A HUMAN.

DAVE: hrnngngnngghhhh

DAVE: it turns out that exact sentence is my one weakness

DAVE: you win bro you got your girl back

KARKAT: OH SHUT UP.

KARKAT: I AM NOT HERE TO DEBATE YOU ON THE FINER POINTS OF CINEMA, OR TO "GET MY GIRL BACK."

KARKAT: HOW DESPERATE DO YOU THINK I AM?

KARKAT: I'M ACTUALLY HERE TO DO THE OPPOSITE.

KARKAT: I WANTED TO TELL YOU I'M TOTALLY OK WITH IT.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: ok then

KARKAT: BUT JUST LISTEN, AND TRY TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND. I KNOW THAT'S HARD FOR YOU.

KARKAT: HERE, PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

DAVE: oh no

DAVE: what the hot mess of fresh fuck am i looking at

KARKAT: IT'S AN ALTERNIAN ROMANCE NOVEL.

KARKAT: NOW LOOK, I'M NOT VOUCHING FOR THIS PARTICULAR PIECE OF LITERATURE. IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY TRASHY AND IF YOU'RE INTERESTED I COULD RECOMMEND MUCH BETTER THINGS TO YOU.

KARKAT: IT'S JUST THIS ONE ILLUSTRATES THE CONCEPT VERY CLEARLY.

DAVE: what...

DAVE: "concept"

KARKAT: IT'S A PRETTY TYPICAL CASE OF QUADRANT VACILLATION AS APPLIED TO AN OVERLAPPING GROUP OF ROMANTIC PAIRINGS.

DAVE: you lost me at quadrant

DAVE: for future reference thats the word that always lets me know its time to check out of a sentence

KARKAT: WILL YOU PIPE DOWN AND JUST HEAR ME OUT.

KARKAT: IT'S REALLY SIMPLE. THINK OF IT AS BEING SIMILAR TO ONE OF YOUR PRIMITIVE HUMAN LOVE TRIANGLES.

KARKAT: THOUGH THIS IS A QUADRANGLE. THOSE ARE MUCH MORE COMMON IN OUR SOCIETY AND ENTERTAINMENT, AND FOUR IS PRETTY MUCH THE MINIMUM VALUE FOR LOVE-HATE N-DRANGLES.

DAVE: n drangles

DAVE: god dammit

KARKAT: NOW HERE IS WHAT'S ACTUALLY GOING ON WITH THIS GROUP OF CHARACTERS. PAY ATTENTION. HEY, LOOK AT ME. EYES OVER HERE. GOOD.

KARKAT: SEE THE TWO HEROES IN THE MIDDLE, PARTAKING IN THEIR FLUSHED EMBRACE? PRETTY MUCH YOUR TYPICAL LOWBLOOD REDROM PAIRING. THEIR DYNAMIC IS THE GRUBLOAF AND TUBER PASTE OF THE OVERALL ARC.

DAVE: .........

KARKAT: BUT WHAT HAVE WE HERE? THERE ARE SOME NEFARIOUS HIGHBLOODS IN THE PICTURE TOO. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING.

KARKAT: THE GUY ON THE LEFT IS AN OLD CALIGINOUS FLAME FROM THE MALE LOWBLOOD'S PAST, AND HAS REENTERED THE PICTURE. AGAIN, NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. HE CAN CONTINUE TO COURT HIS MATESPRIT AND KISMESIS WITHOUT CONFLICT. IT'S A PERFECTLY AMICABLE ARRANGEMENT THAT EVERYONE'S TOTALLY DOWN WITH.

DAVE: what is that huge beefcake troll even doing

DAVE: is he grinding against the little dudes shoulder what is even going on

DAVE: why the fuck is he nude

KARKAT: NO QUESTIONS YET.

KARKAT: SO THEN THAT'S ALL FINE, PRETTY BOILERPLATE CONDITIONS FOR UNFOLDING ROMDRAMA, BUT THERE'S A TWIST.

KARKAT: THE MALE HIGHBLOOD AND LOWBLOOD START TO HAVE FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER, AND THIS RESULTS IN SOME RED INFIDELITY BETWEEN THE LOWBLOOD PAIR.

KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY THIS IS WHERE THE FIREWORKS START GOING OFF. THE RED FEELINGS BETWEEN THE LOWBLOODS TURN TO BLACK, AND THUS BEGINS WHAT IS REFERRED TO AS QUADRANT VACILLATION.

KARKAT: MEANWHILE THE TWO MALES ARE ALSO VACILLATING BETWEEN RED AND BLACK, BECAUSE YOU DON'T JUST LET GO OF A RIVALRY SO EASILY.

DAVE: what is going on with the other chick

DAVE: all grabbing at the other one down there in the corner

KARKAT: YEAH, WELL, IT GETS EVEN MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT, PROBABLY MORE THAN NEEDED FOR THE SAKE OF MAKING THE POINT.

KARKAT: IN THE HEAT OF THEIR VACILLATION, DURING AN ESPECIALLY BLACK PHASE, THE LOWBLOOD FEMALE WAXES RED FOR A NOTORIOUS AND ESPECIALLY BRUTAL HIGHBLOOD FEMALE.

KARKAT: SO THEY HAVE THEIR THING ON THE SIDE, BUT EVEN THAT STARTS VACILLATING TOO BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL PAIR JUST KEEP SPINNING LIKE A TOP.

KARKAT: WE DON'T NEED TO GET BOGGED DOWN IN THE QUADRANGLE DYNAMIC THOUGH, AND FOR OUR PURPOSES THE 4TH PARTY IS A DISTRACTION.

DAVE: our purposes

DAVE: what the fuck are our purposes

KARKAT: THE THING IS, VACILLATION ALWAYS ADDS A LOT OF DRAMA TO EVERYTHING, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT CAN'T BE VIABLE.

KARKAT: IT CAN TOTALLY WORK, AND EVERYONE CAN BE REASONABLE ABOUT IT, IT REALLY JUST COMES DOWN TO A MATTER OF SENSIBLE SCHEDULING.

DAVE: you must be out of your fucking mind if you think i want to know where youre going with this

KARKAT: DAVE, PLEASE.

KARKAT: JUST READ THE BOOK, OK? IT'S ALL IN THE BOOK.

DAVE: im not reading that shit

DAVE: i cant even read your stupid troll language why would you think i can

KARKAT: I THINK YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER. I CAN TRANSLATE FOR YOU. I'LL READ THE WHOLE DAMN THING ALOUD IF YOU WANT.

KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, IT COULD REALLY EXPAND YOUR LIMITED HUMAN THINK PAN ON STUFF.

KARKAT: THERE'S A LOT HERE THAT'S APPLICABLE TO OUR SITUATION.

DAVE: there is nothing even slightly applicable about any of that bullshit to our situation

KARKAT: DON'T BE DENSE. OF COURSE THERE IS.

KARKAT: TEREZI AND I HAVE BEEN ON THE VERGE OF VACILLATING LIKE THIS FOR A LONG TIME.

KARKAT: IT'S ABOUT TIME WE KILLED THE SUSPENSE AND JUST ACKNOWLEDGED IT.

KARKAT: YOU AND SHE SEEM BENT ON DEVELOPING SOMETHING IN THE FLUSHED QUADRANT, AND LIKE I SAID, I'M FINE WITH THAT.

KARKAT: IF WE CAN JUST GET OUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT, WE CAN BE LIKE THESE VACILLATING PAIRS THAT ALTERNATE BETWEEN RED AND BLACK, BUT IN A WAY THAT'S COMPLEMENTARY WITH EACH OTHER'S PATTERNS.

DAVE: oh my god

DAVE: why is this happening

KARKAT: LIKE WHILE SHE AND I ARE BLACK, YOU AND SHE ARE RED.

KARKAT: BUT THEN WHEN SHE AND I ARE RED, YOU AND SHE... I DON'T KNOW IF HUMANS ARE REALLY CAPABLE OF BLACK FEELINGS?

KARKAT: I GUESS THAT'S UP TO YOU. MAYBE YOU CAN JUST LIKE, SIT THOSE PERIODS OUT.

KARKAT: LIKE TAKE A BREAK, YOU KNOW?

DAVE: youve completely lost it dude

DAVE: i cant believe for a fucking second this is reasonable shit to propose even on troll world

DAVE: you just

DAVE: totally snapped

KARKAT: SNAPPED LIKE A FUCKING FOX. THIS MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

KARKAT: LIKE I SAID, IT'S JUST A MATTER OF RESPONSIBLE SCHEDULING.

KARKAT: HERE LET ME SHOW YOU.

KARKAT: I NEED SOME PAPER. WHERE'S SOME PAPER.

DAVE: hnnrrghh

KARKAT: LOOK, IT'S PERFECTLY SIMPLE.

KARKAT: HANG ON WHILE I DRAW THE GUIDELINES.

DAVE: oh no

DAVE: no you are NOT making another shipping grid dude

KARKAT: IT'S NOT A SHIPPING GRID.

KARKAT: JUST SOME ROWS AND COLUMNS FOR A SCHEDULE.

DAVE: its a grid youre drawing a goddamn grid

DAVE: im not letting you draw a grid for this stupid shit

KARKAT: COME ON, LOOK HERE. THESE ARE THE DAYS OF THE WEEK.

KARKAT: THEN WE EACH HAVE ROWS FOR THOSE DAYS AND WE CAN DRAW A HEART OR A SPADE FOR ANY GIVEN DAY.

KARKAT: THAT WAY WE KNOW WHAT'S UP IN ADVANCE, AND AVOID UNPLEASANT CONFLICTS.

DAVE: put the fucking pen down

KARKAT: HEY, CUT IT OUT. DON'T TOUCH ME.

DAVE: do not draw a shipping grid

DAVE: do not do it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT A SHIPPING GRID YOU OBTUSE FUCK.

DAVE: this is fucked up put it down

KARKAT: NO.

DAVE: you are not drawing a grid to organize our goddamn dating lives

DAVE: that is some straight up crackpot motherfuckin noise i will not abide

KARKAT: FUCK YOU. LET ME DRAW.

DAVE: stop drawing the shipping grid

KARKAT: *IT IS NOT A SHIPPING GRID*

KARKAT: THIS IS NOT SHIPPING YOU HEINOUS TOOL, THIS IS COMMON SENSE.

DAVE: you will not draw anything that even remotely resembles a grid

DAVE: do not draw an arrangement of squares or otherwise interlocking polygons

KARKAT: LET GO.

DAVE: you will not draw a spreadsheet for the purpose of allocating time spent with a mutual girlfriend you horses ass

DAVE: that is exactly the shit i do not want to see

KARKAT: LOOK, I JUST DREW A SQUARE.

KARKAT: GET READY TO SEE A LOT MORE OF THOSE!

DAVE: no

DAVE: stop

DAVE: do not draw any additional squares

DAVE: do not draw any quadrilaterals or trapezoids or rectangles or fucking n-drangles and especially as fuck not any god damned rhombuses

DAVE: i dont want to see your lines making any right angles do you understand

KARKAT: IN MY MIND'S EYE I AM PICTURING A BEAUTIFUL LATTICE OF LINES AND COMPARTMENTS, INTERLOCKING WITH SUBLIME PRECISION AT NINETY DEGREE ANGLES.

KARKAT: I IMAGINE THIS MODULAR RETICULATION AS AN ELEGANT VESSEL, IF YOU WILL, FOR THE GRAND SYNTHESIS OF OUR SHARED SHIPPING DREAMS.

DAVE: no

DAVE: that is the perfect example of what you shouldnt be drawing

KARKAT: YES

DAVE: no

KARKAT: FUCK YES

KARKAT: OOH LOOK, ANOTHER SQUARE, SORT OF.

KARKAT: KIND OF WOBBLY! IT'LL HAVE TO DO.

DAVE: no you fuck

KARKAT: WAIT, I THINK IT'S COMING.

KARKAT: HERE IT COMES, MY FIRST "SHIP", IT'S GOING IN THE SQUARE!

DAVE: put the goddamn pen down

DAVE: you piece of shit

KARKAT: HELL NO.

DAVE: yes

KARKAT: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??

KARKAT: OW, FUCK.

DAVE: this is so sick does she even know youre doing this

KARKAT: DOING WHAT??

DAVE: splitting up her time in a grid for your stupid rotating hate date plan

KARKAT: SHE WILL SOON ENOUGH.

DAVE: what a presumptuous sack of shit put the pen down

KARKAT: NO, I'M DRAWING.

DAVE: step away from your dumb ugly scribble grid

KARKAT: GET LOST.

DAVE: youre messing up roses book

KARKAT: YOU SMELL BAD.

DAVE: dont talk to me about rank smells

DAVE: you are the fuckin big man of smellin bad

DAVE: you dominate the paint with your stonk

KARKAT: MY LUSUS BROUGHT THINGS HOME THAT SMELLED MORE APPEALING THAN YOU.

KARKAT: IMPORTANT FACT: 100% OF WHAT HE BROUGHT HOME WAS EITHER A DEAD ANIMAL, OR LITERAL FECES.

DAVE: oh yeah well check it out:

DAVE: you smell like if someone took a dump on a butt

KARKAT: HOW CAN SHE STAND YOU WITH HER SENSITIVE NOSE?

KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN WASHED THAT RIDICULOUS OUTFIT?

DAVE: theyre magic fucking pajamas they stay like perma clean or something

DAVE: theyre enchanted and comfy as fuck give me the pen

KARKAT: NO, IT'S MINE NOW. I'M KEEPING IT ON PRINCIPLE.

DAVE: karkat whoa man what are you doing

DAVE: why are you drawing all these human dicks

DAVE: how do you even know what they look like what have you been watching??

KARKAT: I'M NOT DRAWING THOSE!!!!!!!

KARKAT: YOU'RE MAKING ME DRAW THEM, STOP THAT.

DAVE: no way

DAVE: this book is now like

DAVE: our fight fueled ouija board of cock

KARKAT: ARGH... STOP!

KARKAT: DON'T

KARKAT: NO FUCK

KARKAT: OK NO

KARKAT: YOU DREW THAT ONE

KARKAT: YOU DREW THAT ONE!!!!

KARKAT: DON'T PRETEND YOU DIDN'T!

DAVE: are you sure man

DAVE: thats the spooky thing about penis ouija you can never be sure who did the dicks

DAVE: was it you or me or maybe a ghoooost???

KARKAT: FUUUUUUUCK LET GO OF ME!

DAVE: gimme the pen

KARKAT: NO

DAVE: yes

KARKAT: NO

DAVE: yes

KARKAT: FINE TAKE IT!

DAVE: no

KARKAT: WHAT??

DAVE: were still drawing

KARKAT: LET GO

DAVE: are you kidding this is a fucking masterpiece we have to see this through

KARKAT: I'M TRYING TO LET GO OF THE STUPID PEN BUT YOU WON'T LET ME

DAVE: we are in the shit now

DAVE: we are motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch

KARKAT: YOU CRAZY FUCK

DAVE: were running out of room rose can you turn the page for us

KARKAT: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: THIS ALTERCATION IS BECOMING UNCOMFORTABLY PHYSICAL, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.

DAVE: what are you talking about

KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

DAVE: shut up and draw another penis

KARKAT: YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE SOCIAL IMPLICATIONS OF ALL THIS HOSTILE TOUCHING AND GRABBING DO YOU???

KARKAT: I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU STRIDER, JUST STEP OFF.

DAVE: man if you want to look at this that way then thats your business

DAVE: this is just an old fashioned beatdown where im from deal with it

KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU OLD FASHIONED GO FUCK YOURSELF?

DAVE: stop biting my cape

KARKAT: FUFCK NYOUF.

KARKAT: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

DAVE: shit!

[madam-melon-meow]

Are you interested in a humanstuck/monsterstuck no sburb au? Do you slowburn Pepsicola and Vriskan? Does 300k+ words sound like heaven? Have i got a fic for you!

"Dave, are you alright?" Kanaya asked. He looked at her, snapping his finger-guns and smirking.

"You know me, I'll be cool as a cucumber. A little forest fire can't cramp my style." He flashed a glance towards John, who was still standing near Tavros, accepting a congratulations from Gamzee. "John might be a little rattled though."

"Worried John's sick bars will attract Gamzee's attention?" She teased, waggling her brows exaggeratedly. "I have to say, it was fascinating to watch the two of you get so passionate about the art form. Probably for the best you decided to battle via proxy, as the heat might have gotten a tad too intense if you and Gamzee had gone toe-to-toe once more."

"You should leave the matchmaking to your shipping friend," he responded, shaking his head. "Gamzee ain't my type. Too lanky, for one thing, what with all the shapeshifter noodling the dude likes to do. And, he makes me too squeamish. Makes it hard to get to know the guy." Hell yeah, played that off great.

Kanaya laughed knowingly. "I suppose you prefer your amorous targets to have a bit more substance to their form, hmmm?" She gestured loosely in John's direction, the motion unfocused. "A certain strapping young lad, a long-time friend to boot, seems to fit your specifications to a T."

Oh fuck. How did she know?!? He kept that shit on lock, he was absolutely certain of it. He couldn't risk letting his feelings slip. John still called Rose a homosexual, there was no way he'd ever be interested in him.

"Did Vriska feed you some hella illegal gossip from spying on my brain?" He blurted out, remembering the vampire's supposed powers, and the hells of non-platonic thoughts he'd had for John while crawling towards him on the Egbert's kitchen floor, which he'd done in full view of her. Stupid .

"I knew it ," Kanaya exclaimed triumphantly. "And no, Vriska hasn't said a thing. I used my sibling powers to ascertain the obvious, if I might be quite frank."

"Man, I liked it better when we were joking about me liking Gamzee," he muttered. "At least I'd have a chance if I was actually into the guy."

Get him to shapeshift into John, an intrusive thought stabbed into Dave's brain. He repressed it- coolly.

"What, you don't think you'd have a chance with John?" She asked, a little too loudly for a sober person. He winced, squirming at the question, not ready to lay it all bare and justify the mental hoops he'd been jumping through every time he thought about it. Especially not at a party full of people who probably had super-hearing.

"Kanaya, he doesn’t even know I’m bi, if we’re being real, I'm a double-edged sword and all- but I got a sheathe." he replied, exasperated. "I’m pretty sure he thinks Vriska is the coolest thing since ice pops- hell, you might have some competition if you aren't careful."

"Wha- competition?!? " She sputtered, her face flushing. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Now he had the upper hand. He snickered, rolling his eyes. "Sibling powers. Duh. You keep making moon eyes at her. Big ass fucking goo-goo-ga-ga-mommy-give-me-milky shit, but, y'know, blood instead of milk." He gestured at the vampire, who was chatting with the dudes rocking animal limbs. "She’s not so bad, aside from morally, if you're waiting for your big bro’s blessing."

Will Kanaya finally make a move? Read The Good, The Bad, and The Alternative to find out!

[twst-x-homestuck-askblog]

INTRODUCTIONS AND RULES ):<B

carcinoGeneticist has started a memo on Thaumbler

CG: ALRIGHT, THE REST OF YOU, SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M GOING TO EXPLAIN TO THESE NON-STUDENTS WHAT IN THE SEVEN FORSAKEN WE ARE DOING IN HERE, AND IF ANYONE TALKS IN HERE BESIDES ME I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE THE JUNIORS FROM THIS GOD FORSAKEN DORM I'M IN. GA: Karkat, I'm Positive That It Would Be Better For Me To Explain This In The Current Situation GA: Ahem, Pardon Him, Dear Viewers. My Name Is Kanaya Maryam, But You May Know Me As Mod Maryam, While The Creator Of The Memo Is Karkat Vantas, or Mod Karkat. GA: You See, Me And Karkat, Together With Other Lucky (Or Maybe Unlucky, Depending In Their Views) Students, Are A Friend Group At Night Raven College, One Of The Most Prestigious Magical Academies In Our World, Twisted Wonderland. GA: We Collectively Decided To Introduce Ourselves By Our Names, Class, Homeland, And Dorm So You May Ask Us About Our Particular Experience In Night Raven College So Far. CG: MY FUCKING TURN, SHUT UP NOW. CG: SINCE I'VE SEEN SOME OF THE BULLSHIT THE PEOPLE IN THAUMBLR CAN PULL, I'M LAYING DOWN SOME GROUND RULES AND YOU BETTER FOLLOW THEM IF YOU DON'T WANT US TO TALK WITH THE HEADMAGE. NO SNITCHING ON MAGICAM TOO, OR I'LL PERSONALLY COME AFTER YOUR FUCKIGN THROAT.

RULE NUMBER 1: NO WEIRD SHIT. WE ARE ALL FRESHMEN, AKA WE ARE MINORS, SO ANY FUNNY BUSINESS WAY TOO DEEP IN WHATEVER STUFF AND YOU GET A BIG FUCKING BLOCK.

RULE NUMBER 2: SAY WHO YOU ARE ASKING STUFF, WE MAY BE MAGES BUT WE DON'T HAVE A MAGIC BALL OF ALL-KNOWINGNESS TO GUESS WHO YOU MEANT.

RULE NUMBER 3: IF YOU ARE OUR HAUSEWARDENS AND YOU SAW THIS BLOG NO YOU FUCKING DIDN'T (AKA VIL AND RIDDLE DNI. FUCK IT, AZUL TOO, YOU'RE ON THIN FUCKING ICE)

RULE NUMBER 4: JUST ME AND KAN POST, BECAUSE THESE OTHERS HOUSEWARDENS BOOTLICKERS ARE TOO BUSY FOR THIS APPARENTLY? SO IF WE DIDN'T GET TO YOU, WAIT, AND IF WAITING DOESN'T WORK, WAIT MORE I GUESS, WE ARE IN A SCHOOL AFTER ALL.

RULE NUMBER 5: YES YOU CAN PRY A BIT ON WHAT WE ARE DOING AND WHATNOT, BUT WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY HELL FUCKING NO IF WE WANT TO, SO... THINK BEFORE ASKING OR WHATEVER.

GA: Have You Finished Your Tantrum Filled Rant, Or Should I Wait More For The Introductions? CG: REALLY NICE WAY TO SAY SHUT UP AND LET ME SPEAK. GO.

GA: As You May Have Seen, There Are Quite A Bit Of Us, So I Will Try To Keep This Short. Each Of Us Wrote A Bit As To Make Mine And Karkat's Work Easier. I'm Kanaya Maryam, I'm From Class 1-A, I Come From The Land Of Scalding Sands And Am From Ignihyde, Much To My Dismay. I'M KARKAT VANTAS, I'M FROM CLASS 1-A, I'M FROM THE QUEENDOM OF ROSES AND AM FROM THE SEVEN FORSAKEN POMEFIORE. Hell0 there 0u0. I'm Aradia Megid0, I'm fr0m class 1-B, am fr0m the Briar Valley and study f0r Scarabia. hI, I'M TAVROS NITRAM. i'M IN CLASS 1-E, I WAS BORN ON, UH, THE SUNSET SAVANNAH AND AM IN OCTAVINELLE (:{ ii'm kiiliing you for thi2 KK. Ii'm 2ollux Captor, Cla22 1-C, 2haftland2 and in fuckiing 2avanaclaw. :33< *tackles you on the ground* Hii! I'm Nepeta Leijon, in class 1-D! I'm furrm Sunset Savannah and am in Purrmefiore with Karkitty! Hiii! H3H3H3! H1 K4RKL3S 4ND K4N >:] 1'M T3R3Z1 PYROP3 FROM CL4SS 1-A 4ND 4M 1N H34RTSL4BYUL. 1'M FROM TH3 SH4FTL4NDS >:] (ALT: hehehe! Hi Karkles and Kan. I'm terezi Pyrope From Class 1-A and am in heartslabyul. I'm from the shaftlands) The name is Vriska Serk8 (Serket for the NERDS!). I'm in class 1-C and am from the Shaftlands. Since I'm soooooooo cool I'm in Diasomnia ::::) D-> Oh my... My name is Equius Zahaak, and I'm from the Shaftlands, though there is STRONG evidence of my birth being from the great Briar Valley. I'm in class 1-B and in the Ignihyde dorm. HoNk. NaMe's gAmZeE MaKaRa, FrOm cLaSs 1-e. I'M FrOm tHiS MiRaClE MoThErFuCkInG PlAcE CaLlEd fLeUr cItY. i'm iN OcTaViNeLlE ToO :o) i'm named Eridan Ampora, and am a noble from the Coral Sea. I study in class 1-D and am in... the fuckin savanaclaw, irk. )(I! 38D i'm Feferi Peixes and am in class 1-D!!! my )(homeland is the Coral Sea and i'm in the Octavinelle dorm!!! 38)

GA: I Do Believe This Is Everyone, So We Are Ending The First Introductory Post. CG: IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ASKS WE ARE GONNA CURSE YOUR BLOODLINE OR WHATEVER. GA: Don't Speak On My Regard, Karkat.

-Mod Karkat and Mod Maryam

[thewertsearch]

Anonymous asked: You: "Wow Homestuck is my favorite comic ever! Kanaya is the best :)" Hussie: "LOL, LMAO" @morganwick asked: (Try not to think about the idea that the conversation future Jade alluded to where Kanaya got the password was the one with past Jade that immediately followed that conversation, and that Jade is waiting for a password from Kanaya that'll never come…) @bladekindeyewear asked: [...] regarding the password Jade said earlier she had been patiently waiting for… unfortunately, I think we saw Jade give her said password just before the walkaround… and in hindsight, it’s quite a regrettable one. “GG: the password is…………… GG: CROOOOOOOOOOOAK”

I had the same chilling thought over the weekend.

Yes, it's very possible that Kanaya closed her password loop in her very next conversation, which means the timeline doesn't actually require her to be resurrected. This removes the main piece of evidence I had that she's coming back - but even so, I still don't think she's gone for good.

What it boils down to, basically, is that Kanaya still has a lot to do.

First of all, her arc surrounding the survival of her race is still unresolved. Sure, someone like Karkat or fellow Space girl Jade could pick up the baton, but this arc isn't theirs. Jade has no personal investment in it, and Karkat, while obviously motivated to save his species, isn't connected to the Matriorb or Mother Grub the way Kanaya is. This revival plotline is hers, and right now, it's dangling like a loose thread.

If that was the only narrative issue, I could look past it - but it's not.

Guys, this was her last conversation with Rose. And I'm sorry, but I just don't believe that one of the longest-running ships in the comic would end here. Kanaya's romantic arc with Rose is really just getting started, and their last conversation really doesn't scan as a goodbye, even in retrospect.

Like, sure, these last words would be kind of ironic, but is this really how you close the door on one of the most kickass compelling relationships we have? Rosemary deserves a better death than this.

Speaking of which...

This is how we're disposing of Kanaya? With an (admittedly kind of funny) SBaHJ reference?

Bro, a significantly less important character, gets a dramatic death pose, framed by one of Karkat's best lines, and Kanaya - Kanaya Fucking Maryam - gets a sparkly Hope wand and a meme? I'm calling bullshit.

Now, Homestuck is more than happy to give its characters undignified deaths. Tavros certainly got one - but Tavros also died at the end of an intense, dramatic flash animation, and his murder served as the culmination of the Vriska/Tavros arc we've been following since early Hivebent. Tavros died without dignity, but the narrative weight of his death was enormous.

Kanaya died in the middle of multiple character arcs, in a manner that lacked dignity or narrative weight. She was essentially collateral damage to an unrelated feud between Eridan and Feferi. She died like a secondary character, and she's not.

I'm self-aware enough to admit that this is partially wishful thinking. It's not like I'm an unbiased observer - Kanaya is my favorite character, and I dug deep into the comic for evidence that her death doesn't make sense. But, that said - her death doesn't make sense. My narrative instincts are telling me that Kanaya is coming back - I just don't know how.

[graviconscientia]

>You had said that you would send the letter immediately. That was true. Writing it, however, was a different matter.

>You've counted the days. 72 of them, and you've been missing the entire time. There was a flash where you weren't, but that wasn't particularly helpful, was it? You knew that they'd hold onto the dust that settled from your appearance, any and every particle they could keep of you. You knew this because you would do the very same. This is your family-- loved across space and time, loved beyond probability and reason. And if any of them were to disappear?

>Well, you don't have to imagine what you would do. You already know what it is like to lose a child. You know what it is like to grieve the loss of love.

>It's because you love them that makes the writing so much more difficult. A letter to the council? Not an issue. That is their job, to clean up after you. You would have all the instructions they would need. To the nobles? Quick, simple. A warning in perfect penmanship. But to the Crown? No, to your children? There is so much to say, and not enough words to say it. All of them feel wrong in your mind. They feel worse on paper.

>But Kanaya had taught you something incredibly valuable, and had reminded you that even if the words are not perfect, they're not really the most important part. To know someone is thinking of you, to know that they're alright… That is peace you can give. And you can give that to them. You have to.

>This time, you think, will be good enough. You can only hope.

--

To my light and loves: Virago, Cyther Kaiser, Haakon, Perygl, and Jagara,

First, let me apologise. I'm sorry I've left you all with such a terrible task. I'm sorry I left at all. I know that you are working hard to hold everything together, and I am sure that you're doing so well. We knew that something like this would happen, but perhaps not like this. Not so soon. And I am sorry that there was no warning. I couldn't have foreseen it; how were any of us to know?

I want you to know that I am safe. I am home. You know where. I can't ask that you do not follow me. I would follow you. But I need time, here. I have things that I need to do, things that I can't accomplish anywhere else but here. It's been so long since I've seen all of these people, this forest, this home. I've missed it. I don't want to miss it right now.

Know I miss you all, terribly. I think of you every day, and I wonder how you are doing. I have old photos of us that I look at constantly, and I wish you could see them, too. The photos aren't really enough, though. I miss my babies! (You will all ALWAYS be my babies. When I am old and my hair is white. When you have babies of your own. For now and forever after.) I want to see you soon. I just don't know when. I just know I miss you all so so SO much. And I will see you, soon.

I don't know if you feel this way, if you keep any sort of guilt, but none of this was your fault. None of you could've done anything to stop this, or me. I had a chance, one. The only one I may have had. I had to take it. And I hope none of you punished the people who gave me the chance. They weren't to blame either. I hope that you did what I would've done, and treated them well. I don't doubt that you did. I raised you to be kind, compassionate people. And you are.

This has gotten away from me, I think. There are so many things I want to say, and some that I can't say quite yet, but I will tell them all to you, soon. We will see each other in person, and while it might not be like before, at least we will be together. Stay strong, be kind, take care of the people, and of each other. You are my greatest achievements, and the loves of my life. I am proud of you, no matter what you have done. I'll see you soon. I miss all of you, and can't wait to hold my darlings in my arms again.

Love, forever, always, from the moons and back and beyond, Mama ♥♥♥♥♥

--

>It's pitiful, with teardrops splattered all over the paper, teal ink running at the edges, but it is the best you can do. You are careful in how you fold it up, once, twice, and place it in its envelope, holding it tightly for a moment. You write your initials-- A.H.N.-- on the back, seal it with red wax, and place it on the transportaliser. You know the coordinates, ones you couldn't forget, and you send it off in a flash of green kneeling next to the pad, watching as it vanishes (just like you did). This time, though, you do not scramble the coordinates. You will wait, but just one hour. This is their chance, to get the information they need, to possibly bring you back. And you know, to wait at all is a risk.

>You will wait, nonetheless.

[callmearcturus]

KTOWL sneak peek

hello i have written a lot of KTOWL words in the past 24 hours, i'm having the time of my life, my god have I missed them this is a lil snippet of a larger piece that is coming together very fast, about Dave and new experiences. SPOILERS FOR THE END OF KTOWL obvisly

"M'curious about something," Dave said. "Can I ask you about the vampire thing?"

"Rainbow drinker," Kanaya corrected instantly, and sighed. "I am sorry, I never intended to make you uncomfortable."

"Hey, that's awesome, since I'm not uncomfortable," Dave continued, running on inertia. "So, you haven't eaten in a while?"

"No," she admitted, touching one of her fangs with her tongue. "It kept getting away with me. I will tend to it tomorrow."

"Wanna tend to it now?" Dave asked. "Can you drink human blood, or only troll blood?"

"Uh. Karkat?" Kanaya looked past Dave, at Karkat. So, Dave swiveled his hips around to do the same.

Karkat was leaning on the arm of the chaise, his hand half-covering his face, watching the two of them between his fingers. He was giving huge Rodin energy, cast him in bronze and put him in Philadelphia. God, his life was so hard. Dave didn't give a damn, he knew what he was signing up for when he took the boy out of the Umbra.

Because sometimes he had pretty good comedic timing, Karkat waiting a nice, long, luxurious beat before saying, "Yeah, Kanaya?"

"Do not yeah, Kanaya, at me," she said a little curtly, fisting her hands on her hips. "You are playing silent observer to what your ma— your companion is doing."

"Just 'boyfriend' is fine," Dave informed her. "You make it sound like I'm the consort to the duke of Abraxas or something, it's way too formal."

"Dave," Kanaya said. "Please, be quiet for a moment." She reached out and put a finger on his lips quelling. "Karkat."

"I'm here and I'm watching, Kanaya," Karkat said, words slow and careful. "What you're dealing with is this specific disease that's taken over Dave since we got him out. Sometimes he does… this."

"What is this?"

"Kind of whatever I want that I ain't done before," Dave said, leaning an inch back from her finger. "I dunno, it's like… I lost so much fuckin' time to the Cherubs, so… anytime something seems interesting, I wanna try it. Making up for 2,870 days."

A breath rushed out of her, her luminous eyes refocusing on Dave's face as she lowered her hand. "How many?"

"A lot of fuckin' days," Dave said. "So. Can rainbow drinkers bite humans?"

[halt-kun]

Hunter x Hunter Chapter 217 - Meat Orchard

Let's do another one for today

Yes it's his ability, it sounds a lot like a specialist ability but maybe I should check the exhibition chart

After checking : Okay so he's an emitter so to me it could make sense if Knuckle's lending ability was emission too but it seems it's Conjuration

It could also be another case of the same thing being possible with several different categories

It could also be some special traits he was born with that belongs to specialization but we don't know how "inheriting specialist abilities work", it could also be some enhancement of phagogenesis that allows that

Not that this increase in aura would drastically improve his strength

he's already quite above the average nen user

Well true, but a strong leader isn't necessarily the best

but someone dumb like this is definitely too much

The Kakin's arc basically deals with that

Well bye bye

Diego

If people understood them, they probably would spare them more

it's not like a lot of humans of these days ever killed a cow or a swine, before it was more common but they often got used to it quite young

AGREED

When did she have the time to do that

URGH

I really hate this about Palm, it's just the portrayal of her personality deals a lot with some misogynistic ideas but I can tolerate it for now, especially since she becomes way better later

She's not the first character in HxH with a dubious mental state

I think Togashi also likes to play with tropes and making them as deranged as he can but also making them more interesting

I HATE YANDERES

they're not fun, they're not interesting plot wise

Anyway Killua seems to understand more than Gon what's going on

Well I'll redeem a bit of that situationship

Gon doesn't actually know what's happening, he's just keeping his word

Palm is actually only seeking some kind of romantic relationship with no sexual undertones. Because of her personality, she probably never lived it and just wants to live what she experienced through novel/tv shows

It's clear when we see what she wants and what she finds nice and romantic

It's still weird but it's better than what a lot of people would think

She needs to see a psychiatrist though

like cognitive behaviour therapy is a must have here

it's sad she basically got more stable because of a brain operation

MOVING ON

I like that Togashi keeps it steady that Killua is stronger than Gon

They have different weights

the poor guys behind haha

Killua is just me trying to figure out if my crush is interested by guys

ME

WELL GON YOU DID NOT

that's why, you don't understand anything

and you're most likely not even bi then because there is nothing behind these events for you

Anyway I'm docking a few points on Mito for letting him out with those girls

My Poor Gay Baby

Hug Him

(Kanaya style)

Hope is a terrible thing sometimes

My baby is crying ;_;

And Killua is happy

I'm feeling bad

You guys should be less into this guy

There are some nice looking side characters on the sidewalks

Well, it'll probably be all for today

Astarion and Karlach are waiting for me

[29pageshomestuckeveryday]

Homestuck, page 2,343

Kanaya: Answer CA.

Author commentary:

Get ready for this awful child. The obnoxious, romantically tragic, genocidal fuckboy of the group. It should be a familiar online archetype to most by now. Earlier I referred to Nepeta as being somewhat a writeup of the enthusiastic fandom type, which could be summarily branded as the "Tumblr fangirl." And in that sense, she reads as a less focused rough draft of Calliope, who brought more clarity to that role later. So thinking in those terms, you could also view Eridan as a writeup of the "4chan nastyboy," and therefore an unfocused draft of Caliborn, who similarly distilled that role. I think there's a lot to say about Eridan, particularly as a raw precursor to that villainous presence in the story later. I'll wait until he's on-screen before diving into that, though. Just setting up here! You've been warned.

The fact that Eridan's being so loose with strange romantic terms is how you know we're getting awfully close to the troll romance info dump. It's like a Geiger counter that's starting to beep like crazy. Eridan has something in common with Karkat in that he appears well versed in the subject of romance. Later we see that, even though they don't like each other much, they sort of act like "bros" when it comes to this subject. However, Karkat treats the subject more academically, with a sort of hobbyist's enthusiasm, and seems to carry a certain respect for the knowledge. Whereas Eridan clearly tries to exploit his knowledge of romance to his advantage, behaves manipulatively, sort of in the vein of a pickup artist (and a very unsuccessful one at that). We detect signs of this here. His entire scheme with the doomsday device appears to have more to do with roping Vriska into a blackrom relationship than it does with his interest in wiping out land dwellers (still a valid motivation, but secondary to his sad romantic pursuits). He also uses his romantic insights to manipulate people in other ways, even if he's not trying to court them. Like pinning Kanaya down as a natural auspistice and using it to get her to set him up with Vriska. Maybe even "mediate" between them, since that's what she apparently likes to do with Vriska anyway. In fact, the more you unpack what he's doing here, if you understand the ashen quadrant, the more it actually seems like he is hitting on Kanaya, with kind of a backdoor approach. He's proposing a menage-a-clubs, with him and Vriska. He literally never stops working all possible angles to fill his quadrants.

The only reason I made him say "powwwwoww" is because I wanted to type four w's in a row. This should be obvious to everyone. It's worth pausing here to behold how completely ridiculous Eridan's entire verbal existence is, when you take into account his silly double w/v quirk, which conveys an absurd "accent" of some sort, his run-on cadence, unyieldingly indignant tone, and colorful vocabulary that feels like a baffling mashup of pirate speak, soccer hooliganism, and the fuckboy joker always sliding into your DMs. His eclectic vocabulary and obsession with romance means that we suddenly get this whole rush of quadrant vernacular we hadn't heard before. Which is pretty intriguing on a worldbuilding basis, to start picking up how many average trolls probably allude to each other's romantic habits in casual conversation. Things like being "ruddy" for someone, or waxing this way or that. There's a whole manner of speaking about this stuff that can only be picked up through enough exposure to contextual banter.

Okay, "savvvvy" was just another excuse to type four v's in a row. Calling myself out here at every turn. "Being a kid and growing up. It's hard and nobody understands" is another Homestuck tagline. I'm just going to keep making note of these when I see them. They will always do one of the following: 1) reference dying too much 2) address the difficulties of growing up 3) involve the fact that nobody ever really knows what the hell is going on 4) insinuate in some way that I am a buffoon, a liar, a sadist, or a megalomaniacal genius, or 5) all of the above. In fact, this entire note can be a tagline too.