#simply move on if you dont like it
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hittin the fuckin sign Quit belittling others headcanons cuz you dont agree with it! CooL! you have a different headcanon thats great! Move fuckin on and enjoy your headcanons then instead of telling someone they are wrong or going "erm well actually i dont think x&y is this because i think they are this so clearly you are stupid"
no one fuckin cares. Do not be a dick to people over headcanons
its stupid
#quzentalks#i keep seeing posts and im glad everyone can see characters differently! its fascinating!#but i dont care for people who tell others their headcanons are wrong or speak demeaningly about them#be nice guys#its not that hard#simply move on if you dont like it#THIS BTW#IS NOT inviting discussion or discourse#i wont be arguing with anyone
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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need 2 find myself again in 2025 . tbhwu
#depression has hollowed me out in2 a shell of my former self#and i thmk i need 2 grit my teeth and just get over It whatever It is#recognizing its no easy task but also knowing i cant keep on like this#and allowing myself to spiral into misery thereby preventing any possible change or growth#sigh …. sogh .. i want 2 be a person again . picture friends circa 2008 outlining me in chalk. i want 2 know theres something there#how u ask (me asking myself)#idk but one way or anotjer . and not in that new yrs resolution fallacy way#anyways . anyways z . crazy how a week off from work will leave u feeling real again#i gotta get out of there . step 1😭🙏🙏#its especially hard when everyone arnd you is objectively doing better. partners finances purpose . >staring in2 the camera 1000 yd stare#u get thru the beast of being a teenager like thank god thats over and then b4 you even catch ur breath#your mid 20s are casting a shadow over u like some menacing thing and u have to gulp and say hes right behind me isnt he#i think people often like to give the advice that youll figure it out but it leaves me feeling so disquieted#bc its like sure im sure i will ive made it this far i can do what i need to get by when the moment matters#but it does nothing to assauge the immediate anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and lack of direction yk#goddmanit assuage i spelled it wrong everyone point and laugh#bc its like what if i dont and i mean that in a very like . existential & not material way . idk what im saying but i think thats the advice#i hate most . not sure if u have felt or do feel the same . -__- like yes oersonal experience sure whatever happens will happen and you will#simply adjust but will i ever feel like its something i want to experience/endure .#whatever anyways x2. im journalling i think that helps me the best rn . and its the one thing thats allowed me hope and i think#having that time to examine and mull over and deconstruct is rly helpful tbh. and i would like to think#over the long term i can repair my creativity and cultivate a new outlet that doesnt leave me feeling empty if i cant draw as i used to#yaar#i feel like i dont write for very long tho thats the one thing that kinda blows#two pages maybe and ive only addressed two maybe three points if im being generous lol i get so bored with the actual motion#when my mind moves 10x as fast . and idc for audio logs either ykwim.#ohh tumblr how i love u . tag system like no other
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i love it when gay people are hicks . life mission of mine is to rep for the gay people who are not from cities and dont dress like it or talk like it and who don't plan to leave wherever small place they're from to be in a city, however easier it would be . i think even we think of our community as being city-based, and those of us out on the fringes get sort of forgotten unless we relocate, but we're out here! surrounded by corn tassels! looking for morels! a good 50% of us ecology people! dropping our consonants and wearing our barn boots and never seeing a gay bar ever come to our town but staying for the forest or the prairie or the desert anyway! yeehaw i love gay people
#sometimes i get so lonely thinking how hard it is to date out here . and stay out here#i mean im not gonna lie its slim pickins. most of the gay ppl i know in town are already in relationships and not looking to expand#and those that arent i dont know about because they're all closeted. so am i to an extent . i dont flag very loudly or anything#sometimes i think maybe life would be easier surrounded by people all the time. where subcultures are bigger#where visibly flagging as 'subculture' wouldn't be so stressful but the community would also be big enough that if you didnt flag.#you wouldn't miss out on anything for lack of being noticed#but then i remember mary oliver . and im like well mary oliver would not think you have to move to the city to be gay#mary oliver would just sit around on the porch watching the deer. while gay#mary oliver would encourage me to simply notice more animals
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thing on the stairs
#art#horror art#original art#horror#monster#i drew this bc i wanted to do something different#it is not good but i think it turned out fun#i just like strange pulsating humanoid anomalies that look at you menacingly#this thing constantly moves with scribbles i simply dont want to do that this late at night
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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well boss said reese has no indication of any uti or crystals only a tiny amount of red blood cells which can be caused by the manual expression. coworker insisted there was no point in taking rads to see if he's blocked from the string so going to try some laxaire and hope 😬🤞🏻also then my boss gave me a ride to the bus stop so i didn't have to carry the huge crate which was uncharacteristically nice of him 🤨
#already plotting in my head how trying to get him into emergency surgery on the weekend would go and its not great#on account of the fact that i simply do not have enough thousands of dollars for the er proper. or a way to get there but i could probably#figure that one out but not so much the money#he had a god awful time he had to see a d*g and that was horrible he hissed at it (chihuahua less than 1/3 his size)#he was SO scared i feel horrible and i almost cried a lot of times just from looking at him 😭#anyway i'm glad we did a ua though that does help some of my anxiety but now the problem is the string#it probably had a big knot in it so i'm not totally convinced it would even be able to exit the stomach but if it did thats terrifying#i don't think it was super long just the big knot#coworker also insisted strings cant cause blockages only intussuseptions which does not sound right to me particularly if it was a bulky#but not long string such as this one. but what do i m#*know#i'm still really stressed and we have to move tomorrow ugh#i forgot to grab the laxaire at the clinic so i'm going to have to go out and get some but i have to go drop off a goodwill bag anyway#ugh also while my coworker was trying to get pee from him she said “if you bite me i'll smack you in the face i dont care if your moms here”#and i didnt say anything but if she had done that i think i would have lost my mind. what the fuck is wrong with you#she is like that with all of the animals and it drives me insane or like she'll brag about how her rottweiler lifted his lip at her so she#beat him and stepped on his head (???) like some would accurately identify this as animal abuse and yet youre a vet tech???#like these animals are all having a horrible day why the fuck don't you have two seconds of patience instead of immediately going to#“oh you threatened to bite me let me force you into tonic immobility”. again what the fuck is wrong with you#same woman who justified hitting kids in the face btw. of course#my boss is actually much nicer to them for the most part than she is he's just a total douche to people (me) its weird#like i just think you should not have made your lifes work being a vet tech if you think its cool and fine to smack dogs and cats around for#not immediately doing what you want or for expressing discomfort or fear#and they are almost all fear reactive i think there have been maybe two cats that i would describe as aggressive and not just fear reactive#and i'm probably wrong honestly! theres always a reason#anyway. please everyone pray or vibe or whatever that my cat doesnt get his guts tied in knots because i dont have $10000 and his insurance#doesn't kick in for two weeks i think (i got it last night in a panic having intended to do it months ago but thought he had to have a vet#relationship in order to get it)#i'm still really scared lol. god bless#me
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sumatriptan + pain meds + a massage from rafi relieved the migraine enough for me to clean up after dinner, do dishes, take out the trash, do my PT, and shower. so basically i became a functional person. except that now instead of my usual cheerful jock mentality, i'm going, "oh god. i literally have to do a fucking baseline of 30 to 90 minutes of exercise every fucking day for the rest of my fucking life until i fucking die. and i literally can't slack off about it like normal people can because if i do then my body will wreck its entire shit on purpose for fun bc it fucking hates me. i am in purgatory and/or hell forever and i hope death comes to take me sooner rather than later because oblivion is better than this eternal imprisonment"
which is to say:
i may, in fact, still have a migraine.
#my outlook on PT when i don't have a migraine: omg i'm capable of moving for 90 minutes this is so exciting i'm gonna have 10000 adventures#my migraine outlook on PT: if existence is nothing except being forced daily into situations you don't want to be in then#is death not simply the logical answer. asking for a friend.#anyway i'm fine. i just got so wildly upset that i had to spend energy on showering bc exercising made me drip sweat.#i was like this TAKES ADDITIONAL PHYSICAL EFFORT and i DONT WANNA FUCKING DO IIIIIT#suicide m#i GUESS#autoimmune tag#pt tag#i did exfoliate and wash my hair and put on lotion and get cozy in bed tho.#so now i can just play some geoguessr til i fall sleep. peace out
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Yall im down so so bad I haven't been down this bad in a long time
#personal#ok granted ive kinda been into them for like?? three or four years?? maybe 5?#lol i dont remember when we met but it was on a dating app#i literally started using twitter exclusively bc that was their main social media platform of choice#(again like 4 or 5 years ago before musk got his hands on it)#but long story idk if situationship is the right word for it#but the fandom would definitely be writing fic if you know what im saying#i had a dream last night that they lived in a different state like 8 hours away and they texted me professing their love#and i decided i would just simply move away to be with them#and then i woke up and remembered we already live in the same city#anyway heres hoping i dream with them tonight too
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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im still grilling myself over worldbuilding.. in many ways its quite arrogant to think i could come up with interesting concepts that are not closely related to pre-existent biological or physical rules.. i can only think in the vein of either 'if more skilled and knowledgeable authors have not come up with a way to explain how a non-quadruped or non-organic/carbon-based macro lifeform could work, how could i possibly do it?' or 'my worldview is incredibly narrow and theres still a chance some or many people did actually make some plausible creatures that i dont/will never know of because of the narrow view' and its like ok man. you figured part of the problem. awesome. i still feel bad about it though and none the wiser :/
#the main 'feature' i think of is trying to have a creature without bones.. brother how the fuck do i deal with this#even if i figured out how they could live and exist theyd still be boring to draw bc no angles or creases or fat reserves either..#its like a bunch of ideas that are simply too detached from what we know of how biology works#like u can give a creature a stomach mouth and its like yeah whatever just reroute and reorganize some of the organs. whatever. easy#now try to make a guy that moves without having muscles. some other way. any ideas? at all?#and the worst is that if you make it too alien to earth concepts of biological structure you just dont connect with it bc ofhow off it look#like its hard to see idk a tripod thing with 1 eye in its back and maybe long antennas on the side as anything but an other/alien#and even if thats not the case then how do they live. get food. make buildings. society?? god thats so much to think about#if you try to make things too simple(see:oh they do X because they can/unknown magic/whatever) then its just like. a mary-sue -_-#sigh.. when will i make anything interesting in my life. im tired of being a consumer. i want to have worlds of my own to develop...#dextxt
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its soooo hard for me to write about a fwb situationship type relationship <- thats just how they are in canon plus kinda my own spin on it. bcuz im SO BAD at writing relationship drama and angst i have no experience with it. im like Have you considered communicating? and talking?? obviously doesn't make sense for these characters at This point. idk what relationship drama even HAPPENS to people irl cuz it all feels so stupid for me
#at least the “doesnt want to confess feelings cuz they dont want to ruin the friendship or make things awkward” thing makes sense to me#but then its like. that isnt drama. you simply do not tell your friend about ur crush and you move on (ideally).#never had relationship arguments before because that isnt the type of company i keep platonically or romantically#Doesnt interest me. but of course in this fictional story it does!!!!#txt
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see now lamb & i talking about the family and its reach across texas and its influence in numerous walks of life throughout newt, muerto county, etc etc it really is just like.
yes the family IS poverty-stricken and they struggle day-to-day to survive. but also what the extended hewitt-sawyer family in our Lores operate is just,
gas stations, mechanic shop, slaughter, mill, amusement park ( bc could be funny, ), diners / bakeries / butchers / etc, sheriffs depts, possibly radio broadcasters / news outlet, not to mention farmers who theyve likely…. politely asked to get produce & livestock from, bars, churches, the motels and inns, health clinic, other types of venues where they often find outsiders to target, marketplaces, carpenters / furniture-makers, etc etc
#[ ♡ ] ── * the hewitt family. / 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦.#like you get the extendo-family branches that reach out like tendrils and crawl all over nearby counties etc#but also take into account how grandpa sawyers' talked about and how well-known / well-like / and FEARED he was in his prime and its just#the guy HAD to have set up a plethora of shit to keep the family afloat at least to a Point. and for my end w/ the hewitts its like.#yes the family reached a point of ruin essentially where alot Did die off but also?? those who ARE alive still and just simply moved away#etc have their own respective businesses etc they run they just?? dont keep in touch really w/ luda thomas etc- but they Are Around#and they DO help the rest of the family where they can-
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Got distracted and I ended up working on my drawing But then I realized a major mistake on it when I thought I was done with the star veil (yes, again. I changed up the stars at the tips of it, this veil is kicking my ass) and I was erasing stuff already so when I realized I'm like: FUCK-- undo undo undo undo und o un do u n d o. And now I gotta... move All those new lil designs at the tip, Again, so I'm like: Okay... alright... I'll do that Later. I'll write now cuz god Forbid I do anything in that design, it's all mistakes!
#aria rants#that star veil has trapped ME in a time loop of perpetually fixing the thing cuz im never done with it like#this is the messiest drawing ive ever done simply by the Amount of mistakes i have on it and the entire process of it like#past aria wasnt lying about the notes she put for me when i was lazy to do the star veil DAYS AGO but she was only thinking#that: haha future me is gonna bead All those lines >:D well lil did she know is that future her aint gonna bead those lines#anymore but the veil is STILL KICKING MY ASS HARDER THAN WHEN I TRIED TO BEAD IT ALL#also the designs at the tip were supposed to just be stars. but then sirius' heart happened and i was like: i need to put morse code on it#and normally id rely on the circle ruler but i alrdy used circles for the Inner beads. i needed a different kind of circle for the tips#and then i managed to somehow??? freehand a perfectly shaped egg so ive just been duplicating layer and moving#that egg cuz aint no way i can redraw that again. the first was a fluke i didnt know was possible. and i also didnt wanna#redraw the lil dash beads i made via the ruler so ive just been keeping two layers with just one tiny drawing each#of an egg and a slanted rectangle and ngl duplicating and moving those things take up way More of my concentration#than when im just doing the lines over and over again cuz i had to keep track of which layer has which and minimize it#by merging the morse code line ive finished (like once im done for the morse code ''you'' id merge that all tgt)#so i can keep myself from exploding out of incredible confusion on which layer is which but Now i gotta redo ALL THAT#i gotta redo the other ''i love you'' morse code at the right end cuz i Forgot. to leave. a space. at the end.#like the left end has a space (star) before the egg for the first dot of ''i'' but i forgot to do that for the right end.......#theres no space (star) after the rectangle for the last part of ''u''....... i need to move All that-- maaaaaaaaaaannnn#writing it is. ill do writing for now. writing is the best. at least then i dont gotta MOVE EVERYTHING once i made a mistake--
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Just coz dream is racist doesn't mean minecraft roleplay is Bad its not the same thing a jkr man. Jkr actually had fucked up shit in her story dsmp is literally just a bunch of people (NOT dream!) roleplaying. Dream didn't even stream dsmp...
honestly now that most of the dream/dsmp drama/discourse/wtvr you wanna call it has blown over, i kinda dont give a shit anymore lmao. when i put that in my bio, it was Everywhere and people were being toxic asf and just generally assholes and i just got tired of it.
also i never said minecraft roleplay is bad. i was a Huge mcrp fan for yeeeaaars when i was younger. there was just so much bullshit specifically with dream and the dsmp that i got tired of it. it’s not about the content or lore or whatever of the dsmp, it’s more so about the community that got cultivated around dream in particular.
but i do agree, it’s completely different from jkr, who has had waaaayyyy more of an impact on the actual real world. two totally different levels of pop culture, two totally different medias. i just put them together bc they both have fanbases with a tendency to insist on defending people for things that shouldn’t really be defended.
#like. if you (not You Specifically anon. just a general you) were super into dream and have since moved on. idc#but like if you’re still digging your feet in and going on about it’s Not Problematic Actually then like. cmon man#like im just generally kind of completely over it tho#just. dont be racist and dont defend racists (including people who are fine w being friends w racists) and we’re cool#anyways#mostly i just deeply do not give a shit ab the nuances of the morality of a minecraft smp from years ago#idc to listen to all that. i simply do not wish to engage w it at all#ask#anonymous
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tbh the only good thing about living in the type of building that is continuously under construction, has a garage mechanic in residency, and is on a road that gets an insane amount of traffic given the city is that my cats simply do not care about fireworks. loud sudden bangs is just par for the course around here.
#your local anxiety disorder haver however is not happy#like im fine with fireworks bc like. i know they're happening i can expect them#i dont like the amount of car crashes that happen#I also think you should need a license to use some of those powertools purely so that we can implement a law banning their use#in residential arreas at 2 am.#I like car neighbor better than most of my current neighbors but by god some days that man gets on my nerves.#However he recently offered to pay me 50$ a month to park his money pit in my driveway#i can not use it bc like my van doesn't fit under the awning.#So I get 50$ and if anyone wants to steal that thing they have to figure out how to move an entire ambulance first#Bc like. its a dinky thing. Cut its brakes and just push it.#my van simply will not move if you try to push it<3
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