#sign me the f up XD

[tongue-like-a-razor]

Hotter Than Texas | Part I

(unofficially: Brother's Worst Enemy)

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x F!Reader

Alrighty y'all, this is for everyone who has so patiently waited for me to make this a thing XD Not sure if I could squeeze a whole series out of this one but we shall see. Maybe at least a part 2. Enjoy!

Summary: Bradley Bradshaw is tasked with transporting a not-so-delicate package in the form of Jake Seresin's baby sister, who turns out to be Bradley's dream girl worst nightmare.

Aka it's a road trip, strap in.

CW: swearing, age gap (10 years)

The mission is simple. Collect Seresin Junior from the train station near the main gate of the base and deliver said cargo to the Seresin homestead in Eastern Texas on his way to Atlanta, Georgia for a long overdue visit with his grandparents. It isn’t rocket science. It sure as hell doesn’t hold a candle to the canyon run he pulled off just the other month. And yet, Bradley’s drumming his fingers anxiously on the hood of his Bronco as he leans into its frame, waiting on the trolley from downtown San Diego.

While Jake and Bradley have recently made peace after their longstanding cold war, Bradley isn’t exactly thrilled to meet another one of his kind. Besides, he isn’t one for small talk, and the prospect of spending the next two days with a complete stranger is downright daunting. He prefers music to conversation and he’s hoping that his road trip companion won’t be offended when he turns up the radio and forgets there’s anybody else in the car.

When Hangman had asked for the favor, he assured Bradley that he was his last choice – which wasn’t exactly a compliment, but Bradley appreciated the gesture, nonetheless. By the end of the term, there was nobody from their squadron left on base except Bradley, and he would be heading east anyway, might as well provide shuttle service while he’s at it.

As the trolley whistles into the station, Bradley pushes off his car and straightens his back, watching the tinted windows as they zip by, a blur at first and then gradually separating as the trolley comes to a stop.

Bradley leaves his car to walk around the fence, not quite sure how he’s going to be greeting a person he’s never before seen, but it’s not like he’s going to fashion a sign for the occasion. He sticks his hands into his pockets, the breeze picking up his unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt like a parachute before it starts whipping around his torso in the wind tunnel on the platform.

He glances around at the commuters stepping off the trolley, trying to pick out the blondes that might resemble his colleague, when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns his head, just as you say, “Rooster, right?”

He blinks at you, slightly disoriented. You look nothing like Hangman, thank fuck, because Bradley can’t take his eyes off you and, as inappropriate as this reaction is, it would make it that much worse if you did. He gives you a sideways grin. “What gave me away?” he says.

“My brother told me to find the dorkiest guy at the station,” you respond, grinning at him.

Bradley chuckles. “So, you’re walking to Texas, then,” he says, stepping around you.

You laugh, struggling to redirect the wheels of your suitcase.

Bradley bends down to grab the handle. “I can take that,” he says, tucking away the retractable bar and lifting it off the ground by the strap.

“Thanks,” you say, cringing slightly as Bradley lifts the luggage as though you’re embarrassed by its weight.

But after the countless exercise drills over the years, Bradley hardly notices that it’s heavy. In fact, he could probably carry it over his head. He eyes you inconspicuously as you fall in step with him, wondering if perhaps that might impress you – not that he wants to impress you.

“Actually, he said I couldn’t miss you because you’d be a head taller than everyone else, and probably wearing a very bright shirt.”

Bradley looks over at you with a grin. “Hopefully I didn’t disappoint?”

You eye his shirt flapping in the breeze. “I found you, didn’t I?”

Bradley lifts your suitcase into the trunk of his car and walks around to open your door for you.

You give him a suspicious look. “Thanks,” you say.

Bradley nods at you, offering a hand to help you in. Once you’re seated, he shuts the door behind you and exhales unsteadily the kind of sigh that often accompanies a guilty conscience. There’s no way he could possibly get entangled in a mess of this magnitude. And a colossal mess it would become if he were to develop any sort of soft spot for his recent enemy’s baby sister. Bradley, being a sensible, mature adult, understands this unequivocally. But, when he rounds the car and climbs into the driver’s seat next to you, the notion that he’s not allowed under any circumstances to find you attractive flies right out his rolled down window.

This is because you’re already tuning the radio like you own the place and because you smell like a goddess. Bradley has no clue whether it’s your hair or your perfume or your goddamn essence that’s permeated his upholstery in under ten seconds, but whatever it is, he certainly wouldn’t mind smelling it on his sheets in the morning.

Fuck. He’s fucking fucked.

“This alright?” you ask casually, as if you didn’t just hijack a stranger’s radio.

He cringes at the stereo; he’ll have to work on your taste in music. “Got your seatbelt on?” he asks as he pulls out.

You turn around in your seat and pull on the seatbelt.

Bradley promptly hits the breaks and you lurch forward slightly, the seatbelt in your hand getting stuck on its way out. He looks over at you with an air of seriousness despite the small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “The seatbelt should be the first thing you do when you enter a vehicle.” Not fiddle with the radio, he adds silently.

You raise your eyebrows at him in amusement. “Okay, dad.”

Bradley nearly shudders at your response. He’s probably a good ten years older than you, so, really, while dad might be stretching it, you’re not too far off. “Keep up that attitude and you’ll be listening to Metallica the whole way home.”

You smirk at him. “I like Metallica, so joke’s on you, bud.”

Bradley starts driving again. “If you like Metallica, then why are we listening to this trash?”

Your jaw drops and you reach for the volume dial to turn up the song. “How dare you?”

Bradley rolls his eyes. Something tells him he’s in for a wild ride.

…

About two hours later, Bradley pulls into a small gas station just past the border into Arizona.

“Want something to eat?” he asks, leaning across the console to pop his glove compartment and pull out his wallet. “Or drink?”

You purse your lips. “I could go for a coffee.”

“How do you like it?” he asks.

“With a pinch of salt.”

Bradley gapes at you. “I can’t tell if you’re joking.”

You snort. “I’m not joking. You should try it! Cuts the bitterness in half, my friend.”

Bradley cringes. “The bitterness is why I drink it.”

You shake your head and declare wisely, “You’ll see.”

“That you’re a nutcase?” Bradley mutters under his breath as he exits the car. He jogs over to the convenience store, determinedly blocking out the seductive quality of your persuasive tone. You could probably convince him to drink a pint of his own urine if you set your mind to it.

Bradley drums impatiently on the counter, waiting for the clerk to finish restocking one of the shelves with chips. While he’s waiting, he glances out to check on you as if you’re a child under his charge. You’ve stepped out of the Bronco to stretch your legs and Bradley doesn’t like the way the two guys in the convertible in behind are eyeing you.

Bradley cranes his neck to check on the clerk’s progress and lets out a stifled sigh. When he looks back outside, he sees that one of the men has approached you and, well, Bradley isn’t about to wait to see what happens next. He drops a bill on the counter and calls out, “Keep the change,” to the clerk before practically slamming his way through the doors with the coffees in his hands.

Why it bothers him that some random dude might want your number is not of consequence. What matters is that Bradley gets rid of this asswipe before you start enjoying his company.

He strides confidently past the man chatting you up and stops right in between you and him, handing you a coffee.

“Careful, it’s hot,” he cautions moodily, not entirely sure how to go about handling a situation in which, objectively speaking, he has no real authority.

You meet his gaze with a small smile. “You don’t say,” you respond with all the sultriness of a blazing, desert sun.

Bradley’s gaze remains unwaveringly on you as he unhooks a pair of Ray-Bans from the neck of his muscle shirt and slides them over his eyes. “Ready to go?” he asks in a level tone, hoping he can avoid what is bound to be an unpleasant interaction with the man still standing behind him.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” the man speaks up. “Didn’t realize you were with someone, honey.”

Bradley keeps his eyes on yours for several moments longer, trying his best not to show the irritation he feels at the way this rando just called you ‘honey’. Reluctantly, he turns to face him, wondering what in the world he could say that wouldn’t make him sound jealous as fuck.

But before Bradley could speak, you slide casually into his side, leaning on him like it’s the most natural thing. “That’s just fine,” you say to the man. “No harm, no foul.”

Bradley looks down at your head as it nestles into his shoulder and then lifts his arm to let you move in closer. Trying to play it cool, he skims the tips of his fingers across your lower back, which is warm and feels like the perfect place to rest his hand.

Convertible guy promptly departs, and Bradley is left standing in an embrace with the one person on the entire planet for whom he should never catch feelings, at a derelict gas station on the outskirts of arid Yuma, Arizona, and the heat is really starting to get to him. Slowly, you start to peel yourself away and Bradley, sensing your withdrawal, drops his hand and recoils from you like you’ve burnt him.

Did it feel nice pretending you were his girl? Sure did. Is he going to erase it from his memory and never let himself so much as shake your hand again? Absolutely.

Read Part 2

Tag List

I’ll be tagging the rest in the comments probably tomorrow!

@joaquinwhorres

@katiemcrae

@sehnsuchts-trunken

@toomuchfluffs

@wintercap89

@lonelywitchv2

@callsign-jupiter

@rosiahills22

@olliepig

@coffeeaddictedmay

@boringusername3

@ratedtvpg

@mak-32

@annedub

@jules-1999

@black--lightning

@j-velvet

@xoxabs88xox

@cyanide-cryptid

@callsignvenus

@artemissunn

@gcldtom

@atarmychick007

@callsign-sunshine

@shanimallina87

@birdy-bat-writes

@wkndwlff

@chaosmxlcolm

@iminlovewithenchilidadas

@daniibzz

@avis15

@valhallavalkyrie9

@ijustwantedplums

@hal3ynicol3

@avengersfan25

@hallecarey1

@nik2blog

@kpopgirlbtssvt

@lilianashomaresparza

@lovingperfectionsblog

@bblpbb

@Elenavampire21

@SometimesAnAlice

@risingtripletaurus

@adaydreamaway08

@mattyskies

@desert-fern

@catsandbooksandstuff

@Topguncultleader

@avengers-fixation

[waffledforbreakfast]

Eyes On Me - [MUTI! BLLK X F!READER]

Staring: Rin, Shidou, Sae, Niko, Kaiser, Ness, Otoya, Karasu, Reo

[ BLLK Scenario Masterlist ]

TW: heavy ooc, bad grammar, bad spelling, bad formatting, etc.

Bllk if you watch their game

>Rin

Made a habit of scanning the crowd for you face before you even attended his first game. He was so shocked and excited when he saw you.

Couldn’t stop smiling to himself, but had to pull himself together in front of his teammates

Looked up at you after every goal, or whenever he could, really

Ran up to you immediately after the game with a hug, you couldn’t breathe. He still smelled like crap too

Ignored any/all questions from his teammates

Asked you if you were proud of him and if you were watching

“I looked cool right? You think I’m cool right? Definitely better than Sae.”

You guys went out for food afterwards, but you had to remind him to shower first.

>Shidou

Doesn’t usually look at the crowd so he didn’t notice you first

He managed to pinpoint your voice out of the crowd though, and that man SPUN around to see you

And see you he did, Shidou literally screamed “HII [Y/N] WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??”

The looks everyone gave him 😭

He missed his first 2 shots because he tried to look cool for you

Once he started focusing he completely forgot about you ;v;

Tackled you into a hug after the game though, like, RIGHT after- he hopped though the stands

>Sae

He doesn’t really want you to watch his games for a few reasons (he thinks you’ll distract him, and he’s worried that his teammates are gonna hit on you.)

So he didn’t notice you til his teammates pointed it out 

“Yo Sae, look at that cute person over there, imma go ask for their number after the game”

He genuinely didn’t care at first

“Sae she kinda looks like the person in your wallpaper”

THE WAY HE WENT SO ALERT

His jaw drops and he just urgently mouths/signs to you, what are you doing here??!?

He refuses to acknowledge you during the game, but he glanced at you like 20 times already LOL

Calmly walked up to you AFTER he split up from the rest of the team

He’ll just stare at you “What are you doing here?”

“I came to watch you :D” 

“... Let me know next time.”

>Niko

Always imagined you watching, was shocked when you actually did

He actually played pretty calmly, but his ego got buffed LOL

Niko took more goals for himself to look cool :> 

His teammates got kinda mad at him, but he did NOT care XD

Kept looking at you to see your reaction to his plays

He was so proud of himself after the game, and was SO HAPPY to hear your praise

>Kaiser

He was probably too focused on warming up until Ness pointed you out

THE GRIN THIS MAN WORE, MF IS SMUGGG

Non-stop smiling

DEMANDED Ness to pass EVERY ball to him

Winked at you like every 2 minutes

Walked up to you afterwards, so very proud of himself. And he was expecting you to bury him in praise too

If you did praise Kaiser, his ego would get a MASSIVE boost. I’m not sure if it’s physically possible to be as smug as him

If you didn’t praise Kaiser, he’d just frown at you and wait.

>Ness

He wasn’t intentionally looking for you, but his eye spotted you IMMEDIATELY

He was so happy XD giggling, clapping, jumping, Ness was overjoyed 

He played normally for the most part, but he did pop off more than often

Looked at you with every move he made

Ran up to you after he showered and threw himself into your arms

Boy was a blushing mess when you complimented him  

Treated you out to food afterwards, he wants you at EVERY GAME now

>Otoya

He was lowkey pretty shocked when he saw you (he was scanning the crowd for cute chicks to hit on after)

Bro was SMILINGGG, he couldn’t help it LOL

Made bolder moves so that you’d watch him, kept looking at you after he scores

He’d do the same as Kaiser after the game: strut up to you and expect complements

Otoya would invite you to his next game too, fully expecting(hoping) you to show

>Karasu

When his teammates told he they saw you in the crowd, he thought they were kidding

He turned around anyway though-

Immediately smiled when he saw you

“This is exciting.”

Bro was hogging the spotlight, his teammates were so fed up with it LOL

Once they won, he cleaned himself up and went to go find you

“You never told me you were coming” (he’s not complaining though 🤭)

He’d treat you so well for the rest of the day, can’t stop smiling 

>Reo

He was SO EXCITED bro could NOT stop smiling 

It felt like he was performing so much better than usual, and may or may not have sacrificed Nagi’s goals for his own XD

Everytime he looked at you he looked so proud of himself, and hoped you thought the same

After the game, he speed-ran showing, Reo didn’t even dry his hair before looking to find you 

“Hey [Y/N], good to see you here” (he was smiling so much LOL)

Would bring you to dinner after :3  

[simpforrooster]

exactly what i was texting her.

robert 'bob' floyd x f! reader

summary: your first date with bob.

a/n: my first bob fic just for you anon! i won't lie, it was hard to tap into bob's sweetness. i wanted them to banter sooooo badly xD

phoenix has been begging you to meet her new weapon systems operator.

no. that isn't quite it.

she's been trying to set you up with him.

you don't know anything about the man other than his callsign. which is bob.

bob.

hanging around naval aviators all your life, you figured one day you'd go on a date with one of them. you just assumed he would have a cooler callsign than bob.

maybe something like snake, or the infamous maverick. a girl can dream right?

anyway.

phoenix finally wore you down, and you're waiting outside a small diner for this infamous bob.

"wow, phoenix didn't do you any justice. you're beautiful." you hear to your left. a man in navy issue glasses and sandy hair smiles, slightly awkwardly, at you.

"i'm robert, or bob," he chuckles, reaching out a hand to you.

bob was the most perfect call sign for this man.

sweetness exudes off bob immediately putting you at ease, and you praise phoenix for being so resilient in this pairing.

"phoenix has told me all about you," he tells you, a hand on the small of your back, leading you into the diner. the two of you find a place in the back corner, away from loud customers.

it doesn't escape you that phoenix hadn't told you a thing about bob, except for his name. "i want you to form your own judgment!" she'd said.

bob slide into the booth across from you and fed you another nervous smile. "i'm sorry. i'm normally not this nervous."

"it's okay, i'm pretty nervous too," you tell him, reaching across the table to lay your hand on his arm. his cheeks pinkened, and yours followed, as your hand must have done that on its own. you return your hand to lap quickly.

as the night progresses, you and bob have fallen into a comfortable rapport. the way you've fallen into step with him, and at the speed surprises you. it's not that you've been closed off entirely to dating, it was just something that you hadn't focused on too much.

now, it seems like you can't remember what it was like before you met this quirky, sweet aviator.

at some point in the evening, bob has abandoned the seat across from you, favoring sharing the seat with you. you sit, your back to the wall, fully giving your attention to him.

bob reaches for your hand, confidence having replaced the earlier apprehension. for a few moments, he plays with your hand in his while the two of you continue talking.

"for the happy couple. on the house," your waitress interrupts your story, placing a piece of apple pie and ice cream on your table. "the two of you are just too sweet."

you and bob share a secret smile. you slide a little closer to him in the booth and his hand causally falls around your shoulder. the two of you share the dessert, and soon after, your being kicked out the diner so they can close up.

standing in the cool evening air while bob pays, you pull your phone out to text phoenix.

"i hope you're telling her the date was perfect and you can't wait to see me again," he tells you over your shoulder. when you turn your head, his mouth is right there. he drops his gaze to your mouth, silently asking if it's okay to kiss you. you answer him by closing the gap between the two of you.

his hands fall to your waist, and he spins your body around to pull you into him.

"as a matter of fact, that is exactly what i was texting her."

masterlist.

[jintaka-hane]

@walmartmihawk!! I did it!!! You have no idea how much fun it was writing this for you!

Ladies and gentlemen! Come get a ride with our favourite FIRST MATE!

A TRIP TO THE ONSEN

Masterlist

Img source / Img source

Summary: Your crew convinces you to join them for a relaxing trip to an onsen. When you arrive, you find out the women’s section is closed due to maintenance issues, and you're forced to use the men’s area as a mixed bath. What could possibly go wrong? Word Count: 2800 Notes: Beckman x f!Reader, forced proximity, nudity but not very explicit, Reader is shy, Beckman is a gentleman, Red haired pirates are assholes XD

As you stepped into the men's changing room, you considered turning around and walking right back out the way you came. 

The place couldn’t be more different from the clean, orderly women’s changing area, with its wicker baskets arranged in perfect harmony on symmetrical shelves, and its pristinely rolled, white towels ready for use. No, the room you found yourself in, thanks to the sign that read, due to a facilities issue, we kindly ask you to use the men’s pool as a shared space, was a far cry from that. 

The clothing of the current occupants—your crew—was strewn across the room in a careless mess, distinguished only by loosely categorized piles according to ownership. Each pile was a disaster of  balled-up t-shirts, trousers with one leg inside out, and a pair of used boxers, briefs, or trunks, perched proudly on top.  You let out a heavy sigh, recognizing your captain’s floral trousers, and your heart skipped a beat at the sight of the first mate’s cloak.

Were you really prepared to share an enclosed space with your crew members, as they had been brought into the world? The answer was a resounding NO. But the thought of sinking your body, aching after so many nights sleeping in a hammock, into the soothing waters of the onsen was too tempting to resist. Besides, you had an infallible plan. Slip in quietly, draw no attention, and position yourself as far away from them as possible.

You wrapped the largest towel you could find around your naked body, then placed your hands on the swinging doors that led to the pool. With your eyes closed, you took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and pushed the doors open... only to come face-to-face with Yasopp’s ass as he sank into the steaming, shimmering waters.

The mere sight of the sniper’s bare backside left you blushing, so you marched forward in long strides, avoiding any eye contact, carefully stepping around the towels your crewmates had scattered along the wooden edge of the pool.

“Hey! You made it after all!” Shanks called out with his forearms rested on the edge of the pool to get a better look at you.

“Yes...” you mumbled, clutching tightly at your towel and rushing past him as quickly as you could. Beckman wasn’t far away and greeted you with a slight, elegant nod, a gesture you shyly returned.

When you reached the farthest side of the pool, –and definitely not the prettiest, with a large pipe in plain sight on one of the walls—you sat down carefully on the edge making sure your towel wouldn’t betray you at the worst moment. With a calculated move, you let the towel fall onto the wooden floor, and quickly slipped into the pool.

The moment the mineral-rich water touched your skin you felt relief wash over your sore muscles. You dipped your head beneath the surface, letting the hot water relax your face and scalp, and as you emerged you opened your eyes, only to find your entire crew staring at you. A flush crept up your cheeks at the attention, so you discreetly turned away, lifting your arms out of the water to rub them as if you were busy cleaning.

"Roo, stop staring at me," you shot, picking a random scapegoat as you felt all the men’s eyes glued to your bare back. Beckman was quick to react, giving the cook a good smack upside the head, splashing water on a few of the nearby crewmates.

“Ow!”

"Stop looking at her," his deep voice commanded, stern and reprimanding. "And you too," he added, smacking Limejuice on the back of the head too.

"Huh? Punch is doin' it too!" the long-haired blonde complained, pointing an accusing finger at his larger friend.

Shanks chuckled heartily and leaned in toward the first mate, speaking in a low voice, “Come on, Beck, give them a break. Don’t tell me you didn’t take a peek yourself.”

The first mate turned his back to you so you couldn’t see, then flashed a cheeky grin and mouthed, 'I did,' causing the rest of the crew to crack up.

For the next few minutes, they left you alone, allowing you to settle into the little haven of peace you’d created at the far corner of the pool. You focused on your own relaxation, letting the warmth of the water soothe your body.

“Oi” Yassop’s voice broke through the peaceful silence. “The owner said there’s a cold pool next door, and a bar close by. Who’s up for checkin’ it out?”

Everyone but Beckman nodded, and they began to climb out of the water, offering you the rather embarrassing sight of a row of bare backsides as they completely ignored the towels waiting for them. You dipped your head under the water again, staying submerged until they had all left, which they thankfully did quickly — as they always did when a bar was involved — sparing yourself from having to choose between a death of embarrassment or by drowning.

"How’re you doing, darlin’?" you heard the first mate’s warm, baritone voice the moment your head broke the surface of the water.

His back was pressed against the side of the pool, arms casually draped over the edge. You noticed how his broad shoulders lifted just a touch, strained with the position. His wet, silver hair was tied back in a loose, low ponytail, and beads of water trickled down his neck. You swallowed hard, silently grateful for the distance between you, knowing that your nerves wouldn’t handle being too close to him. 

“Fine,” you replied shyly, sliding into the water until it reached your chin. 

Beckman opened his mouth to say something more but then shut it, his sharp eyes narrowing as they shifted from your gaze to a point behind you. You heard a faint hiss of pressure at your back and turned, realizing that the massive pipe protruding from the wall was vibrating slightly.

“Darlin’, something’s not right…”

“What—” you turned to look at him. His body was tense and alert, the water now at his waist.

The pool’s swinging doors burst open, and the onsen’s owner rushed in, wearing a mask of panic as his hands clutched his head. 

"THE PIIIIPE!!! It’s going to explode!!!" he shouted, clawing at his face. "You, the strong one!" his finger pointed at your startled first mate. "Try to contain it until I can close the valve! The water’s extremely hot, and if it blows, you’ll be scalded!!"

And with that, he disappeared as quickly as he had arrived.

Beckman, a competent man used to urgent commands, sprang into action without a second thought. He pushed off from the edge of the pool, water splashing everywhere, and grabbed his towel tying it in a loose knot around his waist. Then he raced toward the massive pipe behind you while you stared in shock, eyes wide and jaw hanging open, unable to react to the sight of the first mate, sprinting half-naked toward you.

When he reached the pipe, he felt it with his hands, locating the exact point where a joint was giving way, and pressed on it, straining with all his might to hold back the increasingly vibrating pipe.

“Shit, shit, shit…” he muttered to himself, bending slightly to apply more pressure with both hands. He lowered his head, mumbling incomprehensible words until a perfectly clear “FUCK” reached your ears.

“What? What’s going on, Becks?” From where you stood, all you could see was his wet back, taut with the effort. 

“Darlin’… I’m afraid I’m going to need your help here.”

You didn’t need to hear anything else. You always followed your first mate’s orders, no matter how peculiar or awkward the situation. So putting aside your shyness, you scrambled out of the pool, knotted your towel tightly at your chest, and rushed to help him.

“Where do I need to press?” you asked as you moved closer, trying to ignore the striking muscles of his lower back peeking out from his towel.

“Right at my waist.” 

“W-what?” your voice sounded a bit higher-pitched than usual.

“My towel…” he explained as calmly as he could, “it’s slipping, and I can’t let go of the pipe. You’ve got to hold it for me.”

“O-okay,” you lifted one hand, reluctantly, and extended your index finger to press it against the towel on one side of his adonis belt.

“Darlin’, it’s slipping on the other side too…”

“...Okay,” you repeated as you robotically moved your other hand to the other side of his hip, your face so close to his back that your nose nearly brushed against his defined shoulder blades.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” you lifted your chin to fix your gaze on the ceiling.

You hadn’t been in that position long when you heard him curse again, his hips shifting under your hands, tense and nervous.

“I think there’s another loose joint,” his rough, deep voice said. “Let me check…” He crouched down, arching his wardrobe-like back, and you stepped back to avoid bumping into him. “Yeah, damn… there’s another leak. Darlin’, you’re gonna need to help me contain it.”

“How?” your voice quivered.

“Get in front of me, hold the pipe where I tell you with one hand, and keep my towel in place with the other.”

“Okay…”

You let go of one side of his towel and moved to his side, waiting for instructions. He looked at you with his eyes framed by those characteristic deep lines, and with a nod, he motioned for you to tuck your head between his arms. You complied, wedging yourself between his massive body and the pipe, your back practically touching his chest.

“Right there,” he instructed with a tilt of his chin. 

You placed one hand where he directed, and pressed firmly.

“Now the towel.” 

Keeping an eye on the pipe, you awkwardly fumbled at the lower part of his abdomen, trying to find the edge of his towel. Not finding it easily, you turned your head towards him, coming face-to-chest again with his massive, muscular frame. Your cheeks flamed red as you felt his stomach tighten under your hands, your fingertips tracing the line of his happy trail until you finally found the towel.

Beckman knew you were a very shy person, and at that moment, he felt an intense wave of guilt for putting you in such a compromising position. 

“Darlin’, I am so sorry ab—”

“—Beck,” you interrupted, noticing the pipe shaking and dripping dangerously from the other side. “I think I need to use my other hand to hold the pipe on that side too…”

He paused, looking thoughtful for a moment before nodding.

“Alright… do you think you can hold my towel with your knee?”

“... I-I’ll give it a try.”

You released his towel and turned so that your body faced his. Then, you extended your arm as far as you could to cover the new leak, successfully sealing it. Feeling proud that you had managed to control the situation, you lifted your leg—perhaps with a bit too much enthusiasm—toward the first mate’s groin.

“Hey,” he chided, jumping slightly in surprise at the speed of your approaching knee. “Just… be careful.”

“Sorry,” you slowed the movement, pressing your knee gently against the towel just below his navel.

Seconds stretched into eternity in that position.

Beckman, in an attempt to be as polite as possible, turned his face away to give you some space, exposing his X-shaped scar to you. The situation was extremely uncomfortable and awkward, but you both were convinced that any moment now the onsen owner would come and tell you he had managed to close the valve.

But of course, anything that can worsen, will. So barely a couple of minutes had passed, when you heard Beckman curse again, his body twisting and his arms trembling.

“Darlin'...” His gray eyes locked onto yours.

“Huh?” 

“The pipe... ah, damn,” he grunted, shaking his elbows frantically but still gripping the pipe, large beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. “It’s too hot. I—I can’t keep holding it. It’s burning my skin.”

Your lips parted in alarm.

“What do we do, Beck?”

“I’ve got an idea… “ He cleared his throat. "take my towel off, so I can use it between the pipe and my hands.”

“What?! No, Beck…” You felt your pulse quicken.

“Got a better idea?” he asked, his tone urgent but calm, his eyes flicking quickly to the knot of your towel at your chest. You followed his gaze, then looked back at him. 

“Oh, NO. No, no, no—”

“My towel, then,” he insisted.

You swallowed hard, and removing one hand from the pipe, nervously traced the edge of his towel until you found a corner to tug on.

“Sorry,” you whispered, causing him to let out a laugh that rumbled through his chest.

“Oh, I'd way rather have you see me naked than lose my hands, Doll”.

You forced a shy smile onto your lips and, with your eyes fixed straight ahead, gave the towel a quick yank to pull it free.

"Alright," he said with endless patience, "now you're gonna need to crouch down a bit to get it around my hands."

This time, the smile didn’t come.

You simply gave a curt nod, squeezed your eyes shut, and crouched down, feeling him step back to give you space. After you helped him protect his hands, you straightened up as fast as you could, extending your arm to cover the pipe again, avoiding letting your peripheral vision wander too far downward.

And so, there you were, standing directly in front of your bare and broad-shouldered first mate, arms outstretched, each hand firmly gripping a pipe. 

“Could be worse, you know…” Beckman grinned, trying to joke as he noticed the sweat beginning to form on your brow.

"How?" 

"We could be dealing with sewage."

You weren’t sure if you were about to faint or burst into a nervous, hysterical laugh. You didn’t get the chance to figure it out either, because at that moment, you felt the knot of your towel begin to loosen around your chest.

"Oh, Beck..." you groaned, your voice shaky and weak. "I can’t… I can’t do this anymore. I—"

“What’s wrong, Darlin’?” His eyes darted between yours.

“My towel… the knot… I don’t know what to do, I-I can’t…” you said, tears threatening to spill over. 

Beckman couldn’t stand to see you suffering. As first mate, his duty was to protect and care for the entire crew, and the sight of your doe-like eyes full of desperation broke his huge heart. So without asking for permission or thinking twice, he did the first and only thing that came to mind. He shut his eyes and buried his head in your cleavage, growling as he gripped the knot of your towel with his teeth just as it was about to come undone.

You stood there, frozen, blinking several times as you tried to process what was happening. And just at that precise and convenient moment, you heard a group of familiar male voices cheerfully making their way back.

The doors swung open and the room fell into a sepulchral silence.

Your heart started thudding in your chest, and your blood rushed to your temples, your face turning a fiery deep red as you couldn’t contain your embarrassment.

"Well, well, Beck…" you recognized the unmistakable mocking voice of your captain, singing out with a teasing grin. "So you wanted her all to yourself, huh?'"

Beckman grumbled against your chest, and when you looked down, you saw that his ears were even redder than your own flushed cheeks, the contrast with his pearl earrings making them stand out even more.

A smile started to tug at your lips, and it quickly transformed into hearty, uncontrollable laughter at the thought that, for once in your life, you weren't the most flushed person in the room.

..........................................................................

Taglist: @fanaticsnail @armiliadawn @pandora-writes-one-piece @i-am-vita <3

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Vaggie just slowly, kicking and screaming, turning into a carmine. Constantly wearing pointe shoes to the point she can't walk flat footed, hair pulled up in a dancer's bun, her clothes turning black and white, knowing weapons inside and out, ect.

Her just one day going, 'f@#$ I'm a carmine now'

Clara 'always was, sis, come on we have practice in ten minutes.'

For a full 1 minute I can see that happening. XD ONE. minute

Thing is tho, look at Clara and Odette, they're Carmilla's canon daughters and they're as FAR from being her clones as possible- in style as well as looks overall.

there's one lab coated mad scientist and a cool girl in thigh highs, high waisted shorts, and a turtleneck crop top.

the only shared family traits is white eyes red sclera, and hair being pulled UP in some way

The closest they come to dressing LIKE their mom is on Extermination day with their matching black body suits- and even THEN neither is wearing angelic steel dance slippers, just a wind about of criss cross ribbon around one leg.

Carmilla doesn't want her kids to be clones of her

(for me that's one really BIG sign of her caring about them as people, not just "her" kids. she's fine with them being their own selves)

so I could for sure she Vaggie and her bonding over a shared passion for dance...

or dancing FIGHTING anyway. uhh

PPPPFT imagine the meme -> CARMILLA CARMINE POSING WITH HER NEW DAUGHTER FOR A FAMILY PHOTO, PROUDLY SPORTING A /SPEAR/ THROUGH THE /THIGH/ WHILE VAGGIE DIES OF EMBARRASSMENT thats it that's their vibe to me XD

anyway, I don't think Vaggie would switch to ballet. Or go around on en pointe tippy toes. Not even for the extra inch or so of height it'd get her- im kidding im kidding-

Vaggie wears FLATS. Her tol af girlfriend is in heels- even her future dad in law has some heel on his boots- and she's in small, simple, flat shoes.

Canon will say if or not her "great dancer" thing gets confirmed in-show or what kinda dance style she does, but I'd guess it's something less... theatrical than ballet. More something that can be done anywhere any when with a comfy pair of normal shoes.

PLUS I think she ALRADY got the "Carmine family makeover"

look at her battle outfit

the dark base skin-tight suit (dark like an exorcist OR dark like-) her hair pulled back and put UP (in practical Carmine style) the white cross across her chest (Carmilla's theme of crisscrossing, things laced up)

and yeah, the cross could be a ref to her eyepatch- except the color is wrong. and that makes it look more like... well..

look at HOW the angel blood spiraled down her RIGHT leg by the end of the battle, like a ribbon

she already looks a lot like a Carmine to me <3

[amuseoffyre]

Thinking about the current series of Who again in the context of the overall arc beginning with the Toymaker episode and the running thread of media and self-awareness within the show.

The Toymaker set things in motion with Stookie Bill, invading and overpowering the world through the very first television broadcast and "if the very first image has been hiding in every screen ever since, sneaking into your head, carving a wave and waiting", wouldn't something like that leave a mark?

We know the Toymaker has 'children' of a kind in the shape of Maestro, a creature that consumes and manipulates music. We also know a fragment of the Toymaker (eta. forgot it was the Master trapped in there) was picked up by someone/something at the end of the episode.

We also know there's something bigger than Maestro on its way - The One Who Waits.

It got me thinking about the genre jumping this season has been doing all over the place and the way different kinds of media and watching and use of media is critical to every bit of the plot.

The Church on Ruby Road - Ruby's life is very literally the subject of a television show which is the trigger for her becoming the target of the Goblins (Documentary)

Space Babies - a group of children confined in a space station with tasks and jobs and monitored by someone unseen who is watching them and will speak to them through an audio system (Big Brother)

The Devil's Chord - Centred on real musicians saving the day with a show-stopping finale significantly with "we should visit [Star Trek]", Maestro playing the Who theme music, diagetic sound being mentioned and multiple characters breaking the fourth wall, suggesting self-awareness of being part of the media (Musicals)

Boom - A dramatic war story where someone goes in search of their lost father on the battlefield spiced up with conspiracy of Big Capitalism's war profiteering (War films)

73 Yards - All the broadcast and media related elements that help Ruby piece together her role and defeat the villain of the episode without doing anything herself with all cameras pointed and focused on her - she is the object who is being watched but uses that as a weapon, turning the MP character into the subject (Horror/Fairytales)

Dot and Bubble - this one speaks for itself, really. The echo-chamber of 'influencers' sustaining themselves on a self-feeding fatuous loop of people so awful that the AI designed to protect them eats them XD (Youtube-style media)

Rogue - they're cosplaying Bridgerton. The Doctor, Rogue, Ruby, the villains. They're all cosplaying Bridgerton and say as much in the dialogue. It's a play. A drama within a drama. About watching and waiting for the narrative beats and recognising the arcs and trying to rewrite the story (Bridgerton)

Then we have the recurring character (played by Susan Twist) who appears through all of the episodes, which is what's bringing me back to Stookie Bill and the concept of someone being present inside the story from the beginning.

What if she is the one who waits? She keeps recurring in every storyline they stumble into because - like Stookie Bill - she's "hiding in every screen ever since, sneaking into your head, carving a wave and waiting".

And, because my brain makes giant leaps of logic, it made me think of the most famous icon of the BBC from back in the day: the Test Card F screen, that was put on the screen when no shows were playing. It was on screens across the world for decades. It was iconic and it was a sign to wait for your shows to come.

One who waits with a puppet and a game :D

[pursuitseternal]

I'm gonna be predictable: Astarion x reader and 10. "Make me shut up then." XD

This is such a fun idea!

“The Silent Library…”

Astarion x f!Reader | Smut Ask Prompts

CW: brat behavior, gagging

📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚📚

It’s a monumental task, a needle in a haystack, or in this case, a book in a library. Only one will unlock whatever vault lies deeper in the darkness. But then, struggle, suffering, darkness… that was Shar’s thing. And here you were deep in her domain, in the Silent Library, searching for that needle in the haystack of shelves, just you and your lover.

He’s sitting, at home in the quiet and shadows and… books.

Irritating, pretentious Vampire.

“You like this, don’t you?” you snap at Astarion as you slam the filthy book you’ve taken off the rotting, decrepit bookcase. “You just love having nothing better to do than… read.” Your accusation hurls through the heavy quiet in the library of Shar’s Gauntlet. Astarion doesn’t acknowledge you more than a smile to himself as his eyes scan the pages of the dusty tome on his lap. He’s lounging with criss-crossed legs folded before him, resting so comfortably against the stairs.

“You’re such a nerd,” you huff under your breath. “What a good little boy studying so hard. No wonder you made it to becoming a Magistrate in the City.” You can’t help but poke a finger into his ribs, as you crouch beside him.

He garumphs at you, quirking his lips and parting them to show a hint of fang, a sign of his annoyance. “I’ll have you know, my sweet,” he says the moniker with ironic vexation, “back in the heyday of my career I was the most prestigious Magistrate. People feared my judgment and…”

You roll your eyes so far back, they should have stuck there. And instantly he snaps his jaw shut, crimson eyes narrowing as an irked grin twists his face.

“Well, maybe it’s called the Silent Library for a reason,” he hissed, a cocky shrug of his shoulders.

You huff again, the sarcasm is sharp in your tone. “Oh no, please, tell me more about how smart you are… how incredibly talented and vicious you once were as a Magistrate….”

He lifts his book, patting his knee, a gesture for you to join him. You give a proud, contented smile, satisfied as you nestle yourself in the cradle of his body. A deep, rumbling groan tickles one ear and runs down your spine as you grind on his lap. Innocent eyes bat at him, a show of innocence as you do it again.

“Seems someone was craving my attention instead of giving aid to look for this blasted key to the vault,” he purrs in your ear. “All her incessant yapping I was doing my best to ignore…”

“Hmm, make me shut up then,” you give your taunt in equally sultry tones, wriggling in his lap again, “I just couldn’t help but think those pages don’t deserve your attention nearly half as much as…”

You gag, you choke and swallow as he stuffs two fingers in your mouth as you speak. Death cold lips brush the shell of your ear as he shushes you loudly. Tingles run down your spine at the sound, pooling as warm arousal in your loins. “Oh pet,” he rasps his whisper, his own quiet voice rough with need, “it’s called the Silent Library for a reason.”

His fingers work in and out of your mouth, slowly holding you frozen on his lap as he sets his book back down to cover your knees now. You laugh as his fingers tickle your tongue, and you suck with zeal, closing your eyes and doing your godsdamnedest to make him long to swap his cock for his fingers.

But he just flips the page with his free hand. Frowning around his digits, you let your lips go slack.

“Ah, ah,” he chides, nipping at your earlobe, “did I say you could stop?” A sonorous chuckle echoes in the dark, quiet halls. “It’s the only way to ensure you, my darling, stay… silent.”

[ciphykiss]

< incubus (ii) >

blade x f!reader; implied nsfw (only un-explicit part), mdni (implied) somnophilia

a/n: second part of incubus, but stave off the thirst for now XD

“Declined.”

You blink, once, twice, dazed—you count every checkered tile in your peripheral vision, wondering if you’d misheard. Bewildered, you straighten from your previously bowed stance, head tilted to the side. Jingyuan pays you no mind, bent over a fortune scroll stamped with Master Diviner Fuxuan’s insignia. Behind him, Yanqing can only stare, wide-eyed.

“Excuse me?”

Those infuriating, once captivating (but now more serpentine than anything else) golden eyes peer up at you, unperturbed. “Upon careful evaluation, it has been deemed that [Name] of Cloudford’s maximum security detention center is to remain deployed at her post indefinitely—until the case of the stellaron hunter is sealed and closed.”

“By whom?” You demand, fists clenching the fabric of your dress. “‘Indefinitely’? Exactly how long is that? This is ridiculous, and against the very rights printed on Section 35 of the Luofonian Codex—”

“By me.” Jingyuan rests his scroll atop his checkerboard. “And I’m sure you’re aware by now, but the Codex also states every Arbiter General is free to exempt and circumvent said articles when deemed necessary.”

“You can’t be serious,” you hiss, slamming your hands over the table; you see Yanqing bristle, hands cleaving for his sword, and Jingyuan has to raise a hand to temper his retinue that had, no doubt, risen to their feet and aimed rifles at your head. You pay them no mind; the vampire-bruises from last night sting as a reminder of your paranormal plight, caked under layers of foundation and color corrector. There’s an odd sting that shoots up your left leg, making it slightly difficult to stand upright. “You’re making me a prisoner of the flagship?”

Jingyuan sighs, resting his chin on a hand; ah, it’s that attitude again, all unbridled kindness and fleeting exasperation, like waves atop a morning sea. Over time, it spells more patronizing than it does calming, and urges you to reenact the more violent (and less whorish) parts of your lucid dreams. Your fingers twitch at the sight of his unmarred cheek.

“Why must you always assume the worst of me, my dear assistant?”

A droll stare. “You uprooted a fresh graduate from her position as amicassador, took advantage of her naivete to weasel in mutable terms in her contract, had her work an eight to ten schedule with unpaid overtime, and encouraged said amicassador graduate with no background in combat to cross-examine one of the most wanted criminals in the galaxy.”

“First of all, what you are not paid in overtime is delivered to you in the forms of generous bonuses and an exceptional annual raise,” Jingyuan argues, scandalized by your declarations. Even Yanqing looks to him accusingly now. “And as for your meeting with… our newest problem, well, that’s a result of your own belligerence, isn’t it?” He taps his table with his knuckle, the first signs of irritation stretching over his usually composed visage. “You were instructed to meet with me as soon as you arrived on scene. If you had, I would’ve taken the time to inform you of what you were getting yourself into, and the risks associated.”

You throw your hands up in the air. “Well, fuck me for not considering my employer would throw little old me into a foray of top ten most wanted killers! I don’t know what you want me to say, Jingyuan, especially considering how little regard you’ve shown me for my entire career at your stupid post.” Your lips curl. “And you wonder why your turnover rate looks like it crawled out of Tingyun’s first year exam scores. Unbelievable.”

“Mind your tongue; there are children present,” Jingyuan snaps, but neither you nor his blond heir really give a damn. In fact, Yanqing looks like he’s fighting a smile. At least someone found the situation funny. “Regardless—this is a decision that has been agreed upon by both Diviner Fu and I. Thus, your resignation request has been… well, rescinded.”

His lips twitch into an almost-smile, and despite sounding like he meant official business, you can tell the bastard is enjoying this. You gaze mutely at the hastily-scrawled resignation essays you’d filled out at 6 AM over coffee stains and ink splatters, untouched beside a gold, ornate vase on the Jingyuan’s table; the general raises a brow at your lack of ire, likely expecting glares or creative (but politely-framed, as to not earn a bullet to the back of your head) death threats by now.

Instead, you smile. Jingyuan immediately grows wary.

“Article 6, subsection 23,” you purr, “Any defamation or destruction of property belonging to the Arbiter-General of the Xianzhou Luofu will result in the permanent termination of said civil servant’s contract; punishments include, but may not be limited to, a six-month leave of absence from all organized labor.”

You grin. Jingyuan’s eyes widen.

“...whatever it is you’re planning, do no—”

“I think I’m long overdue for a vacation, don’t you, general?” You sing, and the general and his compatriots can only watch in slack-jawed horror as you raise the vase (an armistice gift from the Marshall Hua) and send it shattering onto the tile.

Deathly silence fills the halls of Jingyuan’s palace. Jingyuan doesn’t look up at you when he speaks, low and gritted, as damningly close to murderous as you’d ever heard him.

“Take her away. Solitary confinement. Two hours—then ensure she returns to her duties. This time, I want completion.”

Your smile drops.

“You—!”

And then you’re thrashing, the ends of your heels digging uselessly into the ground. The stupidly beefy arms of his personal guards yank you backwards to your makeshift cell (the infirmary), preventing you from falling backwards on your face.

“You can’t do this to me!” Your shrieks go unacknowledged; Jingyuan is too busy mourning over his dumb vase. “Jingyuan, you bastard! This is a violation of my rights! Terminate me! Throw me in jail! Anything but back there!”

Yanqing glances over the broken shards glinting over filtered sunlight. “General… is it really okay to let her go like that?”

The silver-haired man sighs, weary and a thousand years older than his already-dreaded age; he picks up a shard and examines it for any signs of salvageability (there are none). “Despite her… grievances, Diviner Fu has already determined her ‘likely favorable but not quite necessary’ for this case. I’m afraid she would’ve had to stay regardless. Though I do wish my dear assistant was even a smidgen more… agreeable.”

“—I knew I should’ve let Tingyun leak your 18+ sauna album! Just you watch, Jingyuan, after I’m through—”

“She has what.”

ꨄ︎

“—so please, for the love of all Aeons, I don’t care if it’s your stripper alias or Foxian Beauty & Haircare handle, just please, give me something to work with,” you groan, finding yourself at the mercy of the selectively mute space murderer with both your clothes and hair disheveled from fighting off (clawing at) Jingyuan’s men. Your throat aches from two hours of screeching obscenities, begging for mercy, and finally, prayer (unfortunately, you’d never been pious, and Lan had likely forsaken you by now). You’d thrashed, flipped the nursing cot upside down, shattered glass vials against the walls, and fallen to a half-dead heap on the floor by the time you were dragged in to resume bio-data collection.

If he registers your incessant whining, the space-criminal doesn’t show it; he says nothing for a long while until the void fills with the sound of incessant pen-tapping against your digital clipboard.

His mouth bends into a frown. “Stop that.”

“So he speaks,” you drawl, sarcastic. “Tell you what—why don’t you share your introductions with the class—me—and I’ll stop yammering. Easy as that.”

“Is it necessary?” He inquires cryptically. “Why don’t you just ask that general of yours—I’m sure Jingyuan would be able to sate your curiosity.”

Your rhythmic tapping ceases. “You know Jingyuan?”

That, he doesn’t answer; you observe him as he lapses back into silence, as dark and brooding as ever before, and feel the welts on your neck itch, an obtrusive reminder of your night terror (your dubbing isn’t quite accurate, but the label makes you feel better about yourself). Then, you resume clacking your pen in tribute to the morning show you’d catch glimpses of on the way to hell (work), and observe the tick working on the man’s jaw.

“...Blade,” he says at last, the word cutting like the edge of a serrated knife; you blink. Blade. The name suits him, somehow—all edge and red, like the backdrop of a battlefield. “...but here, Ren.”

You’re tearing through the bio-data form like a storm; two lines is enough. You’ll make it enough. Blade/Ren. Affiliation: likely Xianzhounian. Fabric points to a prime of at least five-hundred years prior; further trace collection is needed. Picture comparison of clothing necessary for evaluation. Suspected relation with Luofu General—unsure if this is an attempt to derail from questioning/true identity. Unlikely, but possible. Discouraged communication style. Psychiatric evaluation necessary; put-off by rhythmic tapping. Likely suffers from heightened senses; could be a result of battle-trauma or mixed genetics (both?). Likely a Xianzhou Native; probable Homo celestinae, blood testing required for confirmation.

“Blade,” you murmur, and the name rests oddly comfortably in your mouth; a strange moniker, but it sounds almost sweet when you say it, as if meant to be spoken. The man—Blade—shifts, not out of discomfort or regulation, but as the first non-forced physical acknowledgment you’d managed to wrench out from him. 

His lips curve into a sneer when you continue scritching.

“All figured out, from just a name,” he mocks. You raise a brow.

“Does that offend you?” You tap your pen in thought, conjuring up the next bullet point. Easily offended by assumptions. Possible insecurity? 

To your surprise, he grazes a smile—but not your regular, run-of-the-mill grin. It’s malefic, a touch depraved, like staring into a hollow skull. “No. Fantasize all you want. So as long I ruin you in every end.”

You nearly drop your clipboard.

“I could ruin you,” his voice echoes. “I could make it burn. You would dream of me in the waking world, cry for me in the dreaming. A slave to passion, day and night; hardly sleeping, hardly eating, merely breathing…” 

No. Impossible. There’s no way—it can’t be—

Gingerly, you finger the skin over your pulse point. The bruised kiss hisses upon contact; you feel the hummingbird-flutter of your own heartbeat.

“Do you dream?”

You don’t know why you blurt that particular phrase; you suppose it’s more acceptable than “did we almost-fuck in my (our?) dream last night”. Still, you observe the intergalactic space criminal with heightened scrutiny, wishing (now more than ever) he didn’t have that cursed blindfold on.

You never realized just how much is missed from the eyes alone.

If there’s any reaction, he doesn’t show it; his next words are mere remnants of what they should be, like bones atop carcass.

“I do not recall the last I dreamt.”

You swallow, the first needles of paranoia sinking into your spine. That should be answer enough. But you wonder why it feels like a dance between confirmation and indifference; anything but denial. Suddenly, you think you hate him; his archaic, cryptic remarks, his riddles and his ambiguity.

“Not worthy enough for recording?” he cuts through the silence, the cruelty of a half-smile gallivanting across your vision. You realize you’d been spaced out, pen hanging between downturned fingers, and curse.

“...think nothing of it,” you mutter. You deem the passage worthy enough for Jingyuan’s approval (it isn’t) and chuck the pen backwards. It dematerializes into the confines of your clipboard. “I should offer you my services once more, but I’m sure neither of us truly wishes for that. A word of advice—behave yourself, and the general might allow you to roam the cell unshackled for certain hours. I’m sure there’s nothing you want more than a hairbrush by now,” you snort. Blade doesn’t reply.

“Danyin,” you murmur, catching the man by his cuff when you exit the hall; he looks frazzled, as if half-expecting you to return with a missing limb (likely a touch disappointed when you don’t; you don’t consider yourself particularly lenient when forced into this scummy duty). “Do me a favor. I want you to place a recording device outside his cell; one of those high-tech thermal ones that can navigate through the dark.”

Danyin pales. “D-digital recordings—any recording—outside what is sanctioned by the general himself is strictly prohibited! I don’t even have cle—”

You unclasp your wristwatch and replace it with Danyin’s own; the man can only babble out a half-hearted protest when you do, mourning his defeat already.

“I’d do it myself, but I’m not exactly out of general douche-canoe’s radar,” you sigh, tightening the clasp. Danyin mumbles something about hiring an underwriter for his will, to which you offer a sunny grin and a pat on the back. “I’m counting on you, friend!”

He mutters something about you being as shitty as Jingyuan. You pretend not to hear it.

ꨄ︎

“A dream demon?” Tingyun snorts, pushing the newly-gifted sunglasses she’d received from a Yaoqing merchant that served as General Feixiao’s retinue down her nose. “You can’t be serious. Please tell me you didn’t make me cancel my hair appointment to play therapist for your psychotic break. How many times did I tell you to just quit and work with me in—”

You yank down the collar of your dress, having wiped off the excess makeup in the restaurant bathroom prior. “Look.”

“For the love of—oh. Oh.” She tilts her frames downwards, viridescent hues assessing the damage. “You got yourself a suckerfish? Careful with those—one starskiff romp shimmied into your lunchbreak and they think they own you.”

“Actually, my very preventable trauma from waking up next to Dai—Daiqiu? Daiqing? Has rendered me unable to pursue any bedmates since,” you sniff. Tingyun rolls her eyes.

“You sure you didn’t wobble into Inferno after your shift and had a couple shots too many? We all know it’s all south after your third martini. And your impairment the following morning.”

“You and I both know I don’t get off until midnight, and you were there when we both got banned from Inferno!”

“Maybe if you hadn’t laughed at the owner’s son and called him fossilized when he asked for a three—”

“He was at least as old as my grandfather, Ting! Without the Jingyuan-tier looks to make up for it!”

“Jingyuan isn’t that old—wait, do you still have a crush on him? What happened to—”

“That’s beside the point!” You swat her hand off the straw of her mid-afternoon cocktail, knocking her jade bracelet against the glass. The heat of it fogs the hexagons scattering rainbows onto the counter, and you are acutely reminded of the matching anklet that dangles on your left, forever warm and secured to your person. “I know you barely passed history—”

“Hey.”

“—but Foxian history can be traced as far back as the Long’s Scions, can it not? Surely there has to be something you picked up over the years. Maybe some old stories, some superstition…”

“[Name],” Tingyun sighs, “are you seriously asking me if I remember any bedtime stories?”

“So there is? Something, I mean?”

“You’re honestly better off taking that to a Vidyadhara historian or a senior Xianzhou Native,” Tingyun admits, to which your face cripples, because Aeons knows your social life had been reduced to zilch after your recruitment (and there was no way you’d press the matter to Jingyuan; you had no doubt he and Diviner Fu could grapple onto the dirtiest details of your midnight escapades). She swishes her drink with her straw in thought. “Foxian lifespans are but fleeting compared to the stories of our other long-lived peers; what are four hundred years, after all, to rebirth and a thousand?”

It’s said with a twinge of envy; you know Tingyun is not like Xianzhou commonfolk who dread their existence and eventual descent to madness. Life is—will never be—enough for her, never enough wine to drink, men to seduce; never enough jewelry and lost merchandise for Whistling Flames.

“We do, however, have our love stories—love and lust and betrayal and wroth, they’re quite similar, don’t you think? And the tales of the Foxians pale in comparison to none.”

“This isn’t about love,” is your immediate response. Tingyun arches a fine brow.

“Isn’t it, though?” With that, she reaches out to redo the buttons on your collar. Heat creeps up your ears. “Passion… this is something Foxians are accustomed with. We love our wine and jade, men and women all the same; I’m sure you know this,” she laughs, and you feel the fox-carving against your anklet simmer. “You know of the Xianzhou belief of soul partners, do you not?”

“Of course.” You reach down, absently, to tickle the jade that had been gifted (shackled) to you on your graduation day. “There’s the, erm, chosen ones, right? Bosom friends, sworn brothers—”

“That’s right; and they’re referred to as chosen for a reason.” She points the end of her olive stick at you. “It is the highest form of love, for some; philia, at the end of the day, is a choice,” she ignores your grumble of “where was mine”, “though, arguably, many believe these soul partners were predestined to be in your life. We gift our jade to these soul partners, and the Vidyadhara share a similar custom, but with bracers; warmth indicates the wearer’s partner is alive and well, and there is a belief that these gifts will eventually bring one back to the other, in life, death, dreams, or otherwise.” She narrows her eyes. “Though there’s no reason, seeing as I’d rather be caught dead than star in your rogue fantasies.”

“Wasn’t ever an option,” you mutter.

“There is another, more outdated; I’ve only ever heard stories about it, and some say the encounter died since the plague of abundance ravaged the long-lived. It’s less of a choice, more a force of nature; or so I’ve been told. A bunch of rubbish, honestly, but there does exist stories of another kind of soul partner—one that embodies a more… debauched role. I suppose soulmate is a loose term; these stories have long since been discarded, scoffed at as crude; these are the stories of scorned lovers, of passion, bedroom woes and death and betrayal; truly, nothing worth writing home about. I’m sure we’ve progressed enough as a society to leave behind such primal relics.”

Your head spins at the sudden onslaught of information; you inhale through your nose, pinching the bridge between two fingers. Tingyun finishes the contents of her drink, suckling the heart-shaped straw dry. “And what… what does that have to do with…”

“With your suckerfish?” Tingyun grins, dodging a kick under the table. “I’m getting to that. There’s a story—just one that I can remember, at least. My Lady wasn’t fond of me rummaging through those particular texts.”

“No wonder you turned out to be so godless—ow!”

“...like I was saying. There exists a…largely banned text. A bit blasphemous, but more so an overreaction, on the elders’ part; I’ll spare you the details, but the story can be loosely translated as The Foxian’s Obsession. Not the most creative of titles, I’ll admit, though it is fitting; it weaves the tale of a long-lived Foxian’s adoration of a short-lived fisherman. The woes of past society would not permit her to seek out a man of such fragility, and eventually, the fisherman married; the Foxian, hurt, enraged, and heartbroken, would curse the fisherman to an eternal sleep.”

“Sounds like one of those ex nightmare stories on Foxian Lipstick Alley,” you chortle.

“Imagine being so obsessed,” Tingyun snorts. “Anyways, the wife and family of the comatose fisherman start seeing ‘love marks’ on him, find him dead one day, bleeding from the mouth; the wife is put on trial until they discover news of said Foxian having passed in her sleep, coincidentally, with the same comorbidity.”

“What the fuck.”

“Creepy, isn’t it? Now, if that were the case with you…”

“Tingyun!” You screech. The Foxian snickers at your distress. “This isn’t funny! What if this dude’s some creepy old Foxy spirit disguising himself as some space criminal hunk to get into my pants and commit murder-sui!”

“Your drawers are in need of a seasonal refresh…”

“Tingyun, you bi—”

“Aeons, relax,” the amicassador slaps your arm in poor reassurance. “These are mere whispers of the past. The first starskiff hadn’t even taken flight when it was published. Besides, does your dream demon present with ears and a tail? You know that’s our one indisputable giveaway…”

“...no, he doesn’t,” you begrudge, a sigh of relief escaping you. Tingyun rolls her eyes.

“Then there you have it. I’m sure this is just a consequence of your ridiculous work hours—how many times must I tell you stress is bad for beauty? You’re even losing pockets of memory…”

“...you’re right. That must be it.”

“So? what happened to your resignation letter?”

“Don’t get me started—”

You vent the happenings of this morning to Tingyun, who, for the first time, appears rather irked; it’s not a common look for the Foxian, as leisurely and unbothered as a nepo-child of Lady Yukong can be, though you suppose even she has her limits on witnessing you falling victim to workplace abuse.

Throughout the conversation, you concoct the margins of your plan; the cameras should be set up by now, if Danyin is at least half-competent. You touch your now-fading love bites and make a mental note to pick up another bottle of fantasia.

If working with Jingyuan blessed you with any positives, it’s your seasoned thirst for vengeance—and the earlier you act, the swifter (and sweeter) your prize.

Perhaps it was a fluke. Perhaps it was a once-in-a-lifetime, paranormal encounter—but on the off chance it isn’t, well, now you’d be prepared.

Because if he can ruin you, who’s to say you can’t return the favor?

[drama-glob]

SPOILERS FOR HELLUVA BOSS SEASON 2 EPISODE 7!!!!

Let me start off by saying F*CK YOU MAMMON!!!! >:( >:( >:(

Okay now, I LOVED THIS EPISODE because as much at it broke my heart with how much of a gut punch it was that Fizz has been putting up with Mammon for years, the fact that he got his freedom at the end with the constant support of Blitz and Ozzie, who genuinely care about him melted my heart as well. ^_^

I knew going in I was going to hate Mammon (because with how he runs his ring, I couldn't see how he could have any redeeming qualities), but he seriously was a bigger abusive d*ck and was way more blatant about than I expected. >:( Poor Fizz right off the bat with his unhealthy work ethic that he's not good enough and that his value is tied into his work, something that many of us (me included) have been guilty of. I blame Cash for being the most likely factor in why Fizz thinks that way, along with his idol worship of Mammon playing into it. >:( Also, that creep getting in Fizz's head was so messed up because we come to see how genuinely nice Fizz is and he sadly let what that guy said get into his head. ;_;

I'm so glad that Ozzie from the start is looking out for Fizz's well being and mental health, which is also really sad because he has no doubt had this conversation many times with Fizz about not needing to please Mammon and that he is good enough, only for Fizz to insist everything's fine when it's not. ;_; I also had a feeling Ozzie wouldn't be a fan of the Robo Fizzes given that he loves Fizz so much and knows what people use them for, so most likely it's part of the whole blackmail deal/Ozzie can't break out of making them so long as Fizz doesn't call it quits. ;_; I'm also happy that Ozzie clearly harbors no ill-will towards Blitz (which we already saw in "Oops," but it's nice that he knows Blitz wouldn't like the state Fizz is in and needs to cut ties with Mammon). :)

Fizz is just so talented with his craft, but the further pressure that he had actual competition from Glitz and Glam just made things so much worse, but of course Mammon don't care. >:( One of the absolute best moments though had to be the sweet little deaf kid signing to Fizz and Fizz signing back as well as sign his picture, so it was sweet and it helped Fizz's mental state temporarily. It was unfortunate that flipping creep came back and messed with Fizz once again, only adding to Fizz's panic attack that goes into overdrive once he sees Glitz and Glam perform. ;_;

My sadness only built as Fizz spiraled and tried to make himself "fine," but my man Ozzie being there as soon as he hears (from Blitz no doubt) that Fizz is not okay and him not leaving until he can get to the bottom of way Fizz is so adamant about doing this while trying to comfort him was wonderful. I legit cried, as I'm sure many of you did, when poor Fizz admits that he feels like practically nothing next to Ozzie and that without his job and the fame, he'd eventually leave Fizz despite how many years they've known each other and how much Ozzie does to remind Fizz that he loves him for who he is. ;_; ;_; ;_; It's sad too that Fizz has put up with the year of abuse because he felt he owed Mammon for leading him Ozzie, even though that's certainly not true. It really brought it in home just how much trauma Fizz has suffered and affected his mental state. I can only imagine how bad it'd be if he really didn't have Ozzie in his life. O_O The sweet, honest words from Ozzie afterward just reinforced my belief that Ozzie is the best boyfriend and their song "Crooked" was so saturated with lovey-dovey sentiment, I went awwww so many times and shows how lucky they are to have each other. ^_^<3<3<3

Fizz's "2-Minutes Notice" was absolutely incredible, (especially considering this was improv ;) ) and the fact Mammon didn't realize it was about him until the end was hilarious! XD But Fizz certainly proved how amazing he is and I'm sure Ozzie was more than happy to provide the magical backup to really stick it to Mammon. ;) ^_^ <3 It was really cool getting to see full demon Mammon and Ozzie, but it was especially amazing that Ozzie announced he loved Fizz to everyone so that he could no longer be blackmailed by Mammon and so Fizz could be free of that asshole; plus, he already seemed tired of hiding it. ^_^<3<3<3 Although Mammon will definitely come back for revenge on this sweet couple, Fizz and Ozzie get to at least have their peace for now and will face the future of their relationship being outed to all of Hell together. Also, those giant nuzzles from Ozzie are everything to me! ^_^<3<3<3<3<3

[alevicke]

I love the way you write for Jax —- I really would like to see Jax with a fem reader who is sort of like Jax- messes around with the others, sarcastic and feisty, but also reciprocates Jax’s minor flirting…so maybe Jax gets so confused, like thrown off- ‘does she like me does she not’ type beat, and ends up pushing farther and farther into his teasing and flirting, trying to figure out if she likes him back, but she ends up being the one to make a bold move…like just drops down on her knees pulling her hair into a ponytail like “ight…since you wanna talk all big lets get to it”… if that makes ANY sense at all 😭💀

I'm sorry I'm sorry! I know I'm super slow but I'm just awful writing NSFW ;; I love reading it sometimes but I'm so bad writing it XD So I hope this isn't too boring and you enjoy it! <3

Jax x F!Reader who teases and flirt back (NSFW)

TW: Blowjob, petnames, a bit of manhandling? NSFW obviously. Any other needed please let me know! I think there isn't much to say D:

MY MASTERPOST

When you first joined the circus, Jax thought there would be a new sucker to annoy the hell out of them. Another person to joke with and use some pranks on.

He didn’t expect you to reply back as soon as he called you a pet name trying to annoy you. He usually called Ragatha dollface and he looked for another nickname for you to suit your digital appearance and annoy you. But he didn’t expect you to be calling him your silly bunny. Weird, huh. That sounded a bit like flirting. 

That was only the start of a weird forth and back between you both that no one actually understood. You sounded like an asshole with Jax, teasing him and annoying him, but you weren’t like that with the others, well, a bit but not as aggressive as Jax. For some it was double the torture now that you were there

They truly were praying you two didn’t teamed up or you could make the circus a living hell for everyone else but you two.

Jax had a lot of troubles understanding why you reciprocated his flirtations all the time. He wanted to believe you were into him, perhaps, but he wasn’t going to say anything

It didn’t matter that Zoobles told him that you looked like you were in love with him or at least interested, he wouldn’t listen. He still had his doubts

So the back and forth from you both kept being extended while he was so indecisive. You, however, seemed to be growing impatience. At this point you were honestly sure he wanted to do something with you. It was obvious by the whole flirting and how your conversations could get heated sometimes. But he always backed up at the last minute and you were already growing tired of it.

The last drop that spilled the glass was already getting closer, you could feel it. It was about to happen. 

Last few days you could feel yourself getting needier for physical contact and the silly bunny wasn’t making the step you needed. It was getting painful at this point. The desire every single day for nothing, to end up in your room touching yourself in drowned moans against the pillow. 

That day, however, didn’t look any different. Jax and you were talking alone in his room. Everyone was surprised you could get into his room, he didn’t want anyone there but you. Not even Zooble who was the closest to him after you was allowed there. And you truly thought it was a good sign, taking you to his room perhaps it could mean he would finally make the move. 

But NO. To your disbelief, it was happening again.

- Well, I didn’t expect you to make such a bold move, but I ain’t gonna complain if this is what you want toots. Could have said it before if you wanted it so badly” - You raised an eyebrow not even believing what you hear. After so many doubts and he backing up now he wanted to act brave?

Jax and you were already in the room for quite some time and the conversation was heating up as you both threw flirty punchlines to each other. You softly bit your lower lip hoping, craving for his touch. But you could see him making no movement. That was enough

- I’ve had enough of this Jax… Since you wanna talk all big let’s get to it. No more waiting” - you said as you got up from the bed. Jax, looked at you completely confused, not understanding your words. You pulling your hair up to tie it in a pony tail didn’ seem to give him enough hints. That was until you dropped on your knees pulling his legs apart.

- Oh… - it finally clicked on him what your words meant. His cheeks quickly grew red as a smirk appeared on your lips. But his smirk grew wider- He didn’t mind you taking the lead if this was the direction you were taking

- I was hoping you would make the first move, my bunny, but you left me no choice. Now shut for a bit and let me handle this. 

Jax raised an eyebrow, eyes locked on him as you fixed your ponytail. He could swear you were prettier than ever but perhaps it was lust on his eyes. He decided to stay quiet as you prepared yourself. Being honest, he didn’t want to miss the opportunity of what was going on so for once he had to hold back being an asshole. At least a tiny bit… But expecting him to stay quiet is impossible. You know he would be at least a bit annoying as always. 

You unbuttoned his overalls, letting these slip down his chest. You could feel the anticipation building on him. His eyes were following you like a predator hunting down a prey and his member already getting hard, the bulge noticeable for you. As your hand gently caressed this, a moan escaped between his teeth. A sweet sound filling your ears and raising every hair in you. 

You kept teasing him from outside his clothes, making him grow impatient. You were waiting so long for this, now he had to wait for it too, no matter if the desire was already wetting your panties. You caressed his length as you licked your lip, making him bite his lower lip in excitement. You could feel his breath become heavier as his desire grew but this was nothing but pleasure for you.

You took the overalls carefully and pulled them all the way down, finally releasing his erected cock, menacing to your eyes and to your lips. Taking it all the way down was going to be hard and he knew that just for the way you looked at it, eyes wide open.

- “What happened? Having second thoughts, sweetie?” - he teased you as he grinned, taking the member with his hand softly caressing it. 

- “Don't poke fun at me, Jax, you could end up with nothing” - you replied grinning as his disappeared a bit. He rolled his eyes and smirked 

- “Ok ok I'll be a good boy for you. Just for a bit, doll” - he finally replied while you leaned in closer to him between his legs. 

You stuck your tongue out, softly pressing this one against his twitching cock. You could see him biting his own lip again, repressing all pleasure sounds he could make just to keep his tough appearance in front of you but as soon as you moved your tongue along his length he couldn't repress a soft moan between closed teeth.

Your tongue left the dick all the way up to the top nice and wet until the very tip where you licked the precum, tracing circles on it while he grabbed the bedsheets to control humping his hips against your mouth, wanting more already.

You finally took the whole shaft inside your mouth as he let out a soft relieved moan feeling your lips stroke it while you started bobbing your head up and down on it. You felt his hand in your hair, petting it, but when you looked up he was eyes closed enjoying the feeling. 

But with each one of your movements your desire for touch was bigger. You traced your hand all the way down following your breasts and your tummy until finding all the way inside your own panties. This was nothing but a sweet addition to the moment for Jax. Not only were you pleasing him but he could also see you touching yourself between drowned moans and pants against his dick. 

You continued following the movements with your head, your lips stroking with each one as Jax kept his eyes locked on you. His breath kept getting heavier, quicker, while his fingers petted your hair. You could feel his temptation to pull it but he didn’t want to go too rough with you already, he wanted to go at your own pace, without rushing anything. 

But he wasn’t known for having too much patience… So it didn’t take too long for you to sense his hand grabbing your hair a bit more as he wanted to go faster and deeper. Seeing the saliva escape his lips was the clear sign that he was about to reach his climax and he was struggling to hold the moans in. A few words were being censored as he said them though. You however were already drowning moans against his cock as your fingers traced circles around your clit and sometimes moved down, all the way to your entrance almost pushing a finger inside.

You felt his hand finally grab your hair as he couldn’t hold any longer and humped his hips against your mouth, feeling it with each inch of his shaft to make you swallow all his cum. It was hard but you didn’t pull away from him after all, letting him ride your tongue in his ecstasis, his high wave of pleasure between louder moans filling the room even more with the steam of sex and the smell of gratification. 

- “You didn’t think we were already done, right toots…?”

It took him quite some seconds to go down from the wave, still heavily panting and releasing your hair from his grab. You pulled apart, cleaning the corners of your lips with the back part of your hand while looking at him. He was leaning back, cheeks and face completely red

- “*Bleep*, y-you really tried to milk me there, dollface…” - he said between pants.

You barely heard his words while your hand finally stopped teasing and you slipped two fingers inside your wet core, panties already soaking wet as you were the one now humping hips against yourself wanting more. Jax smiled widely, reaching a hand to your face, grabbing your jawline to make him look directly at his eyes. He licked his lips with desire, for you, for more…

[fanficfish]

some random hetalia thoughts about the countries

mostly headcanons and character studies i guess. probably canon but who knows i'm too sleepy to go check. i'm gonna ramble and maybe it'll maek sense i don't know. Someoen tag me if they get anything idea worthy out of this.

link the inspired post: https://www.reddit.com/r/hetalia/comments/1eqt7ek/after_all_these_years_im_gonna_say_it_i_did_not/

I've seen a little talk about how England leaving America on his own for so long messed him up a little (thank you reddit user who go that talk going). So i wanted to think about some of Englands' other colonies and stuff i guess?

so like we have America. I still stand he's probably like, Jamestown or something and over time he became the main US rep, like how the UK has the four brothers (five? Six with Sealand) but England represents them at meetings. Or Japan reps all of Japan instead of like a couple dozen prefectures showing up. That kind of thing. And like that guy's a little messed up. In earlier parts ofhis story, he's shown to just be really explorative, stil strong tho, but mostly jsut a nice sweet kid who happens to have three teenagers fighting over him. Seriously couldn't they share? Oh wait it's hetalia no they can't XD

anyways, it's only wlater once America is firmly under British rule that he starts growing the yelling and loudness. I think that's like the sign hhat he wants a little attention f rom England- like, he's shown to just be a guy when it's Canada when they're kids but england gets the "SHOVE FOOD IN MY PIEHOLE" treatment. And I think that's just because England keeps leaving and coming back but sometimes he just ignores the kids and does his own thing for a long time. Canada ends up letting America take the lead for them. And then later on once all is said and done America revels in his big parties and whatnot because the attention is on him, and it won't heal the hrut of England just leaving all the time but it sorta helps. (Canada doesn't count they're basically joined at the hip it's not the same).

and if you compare it to like the Italies for example. Austria was still there to watch over Italy North even though he really went for the uh. Less optimal route. But he was till there, in his own way. Prussia definitely wasn't going to leave HRE and later Germany alone unless he absolutely had to. Spain didn't jsut go gallivanting around when Romano was there (no comment onhis other former colonies). Ofc you could make an argument for Iceland, but by the time Norway took over he'd been alone mostly for 300 years, and even if Norway and Denmark didn't exactly visit all the time because i headcanon Iceland stayed happily on his island 90% of the time like Aland and Faroe Islands to avoid the drama called "four nordics pretending they could get along under one roof when they definitely are not good rooommate compatable", I doubt he was entirely without parental guidance. Norway could always sense him (so themoment anything bighappened Norway would be marching right over), and Iceland mentions sending letters out. I'm jsut gonna guess he sent the letters via Mr. Puffin, and I'd guess Mr. Puffin could always deliver some words if needed from overseas. Iceland also apparantly has fairies at his house so there's that too. Not thet he'd admit it.

But if you notice, it's def circumstance that gives some character which is cool when we're talkign about stereotype-based characters. Ameriica becomes loud and "ignores" the room when he's given the stage, because if he outrages everyone then he'll get attention. Italy N.. had everythig taken care of for him and has few worries, and a pretty good work ethic since Austria isn't a slacker. Roomano is a spoiled brat. Iceland....honestly boy just needs to accept the others rubbed off on him and he's just as kooky as the rest of them. I know you're a teen and all but kid c'mon you love them mystical animals and you keep bringing up your weird museums XD (I swear this child got Norway's anti-socialness, Sweden's inability to admit things (in his case, he actually likes hanging out with the others), Finland's oddness, and Denmark's everythign else because we all know Norway probably saw Iceland at last and had a crisis over it, man knows when Iceland appears but can't get around to taking the ruling for how many years????

And then there's New Zeeland, who had to raise Austrailia when NZ was also pretty young. NZ doesn't even have the hope of hep fro manyone- America and Canada i'm pretty sure still had visitors from like France and I think the Netherlands would have popped by a few times, because they did do a bit of um. Trading. with the colonies and stuff. Austrialia used to be on the other hand where they sent English prisoners. New Zealand is not ready for that kind of craziness, and so of course we're gonna get a free range crazy Austrailia and a done with it New Zealand who got no help and probabl ygot even less parental support then America. BTW it's crazy that technically GB still techncialy rules over so many big places like Canada and Austrailia even though they also technicall ydon't like that's just so wild.

so what have we learend from this? England sucks as a dad, and Iceland's teen rebel phase is in full swing. WHat was the poitn of this? I don't know but you read it and i wrote it so.....

ima sleep i forgot the poitn already lol

[piracytheorist]

Episode 36 reactions!

I don't think one single minute passed this episode without me bursting out in laughter XD

I will get what interesting details I can, though! And here we have soap opera male character who has a Betrothed in the West. Interesting! Why did they separate, and how did she end up in Westalis, or he in Ostania? Did she defect and is waiting for him to join her? I need the full context, Berlint in Love!

Looks like one of the things that make Becky rush to be a grown-up is how she can't wait to have romantic feelings and relationships. Gurl, you're six. Pick up a doll or a ball.

The way the next scene was shown (hilarious) it looks like it was Anya who first picked up the phone, and didn't even make a sound before Becky started off her rant. Picking up the phone as a kid is quite a responsibility!

The music suddenly went full humor shoujo there XD

I love how Martha is already onto Becky.

She's like "Yo maybe reel it in a little"

The way all three of them are in completely different wavelengths is hilarious. I guess Twilight, the honey-trap master, sees Becky as the girl she is and cannot imagine she'd ever have such passionate imaginings with him.

The hell, though. I've met my favourite actor from up close in a convention and that was pretty much my reaction while being close to him. I feel Becky but someone needs to tell her of this thing called parasocial relationship--

WHAAAAAT

I had my eyes glued to the screen for this. It's definitely not surprising that the Blackbells would hire such an experienced bodyguard for Becky, but it's very interesting how it was pointed out to us! I wonder what we'll get to see next with her! (reminder: anime only!)

Becky really thinks she lives in a shoujo story doesn't she XD

I mean, Anya thinks she lives in a Spy Wars story so it's not that surprising XD

I love how in the "new" family photo Wiesel is added in front of Bond!

This episode is full chaos and I love it.

Seriously, the way Anya's powers work for her character is amazing. Usually, we'd get to see those imaginings even if she didn't have telepathy. But since she can see them with us, she gets a fair place as - almost - an audience proxy. And I mean, yeah, why wouldn't Anya be excited at the idea of super tasty food all of the time (even when papa is super busy), not having to do chores, and having fun family outings all of the time?

Completely different wavelengths, I tell you. How does this show make me love misunderstandings XD

And then a fourth wavelength is added and it's just! You don't know where to begin!

Poor Bond was heartbroken that Becky didn't notice him! Poor boy!

I find it really funny that this episode happened now, just a little after we got heavy hints that Loid is falling hard for Yor, and Becky is still like "I will win his heart with my six-year-old charm!"

If you count Bond dealing with getting rejected, that's five different wavelengths in one single screencap. No-one knows what's going on, not even Anya the telepath or Twilight the master spy.

Those are not the family teacups! Interesting choice. Also Becky's face, yeah that's exactly how I was when approaching my favourite actor for my photo shoot with him. I was smiling from one ear to the other, though XD

Also, I remember getting sent manga screencaps with Loid in such a cardigan! And I guessed right that it would be a beige one! I mean, it's a pretty common colour for a grandpapa cardigan, but has he maybe worn this before?

I wonder how he'd react and adapt if he knew Becky is having a crush on him. Like, what would he do? He'd definitely avoid anything inappropriate for all the obvious reasons, but here he's trying to pull back because he thinks Becky is getting suspicious of him XD

Send this to a friend without context and ask them to guess what the actual fuck is going on here. This is Misunderstandings: the Right-Before-Holidays Special.

Pure Chaos and it just

keeps

going.

This is exactly what I signed up for when I watched the very first episodes and was like "please tell me the entire show is like this"

Poor Yor, though. Her very first instinct was to blame herself and think of herself as incompetent. I guess old habits die hard.

Simp alert.

YEAH DEFINITELY NOT SCREAMING AT THIS

Seriously, though! She remembers what he told her there (though, weren't they supposed to repeat the conversation the next day?) and I hope she remembers how vulnerable he made himself with her.

OH BOI I DON'T SHIP OFTEN BUT WHEN I SHIP. I SHIP.

LOID BROUGHT YOR'S COAT WITH! MY GOD!

I mean! This isn't supposed to be a twiyor-centric episode and yet!

BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T RICH AS A KID AND THEN YOUR CHILDHOOD WAS VIOLENTLY RIPPED AWAY FROM YOU 😭😭

If you thought I wouldn't grab even this opportunity to make this angsty, well, you were wrong

The highest prize in the hammer competition thingy is... a q-tip?

We stan. Everything for the ultimate q-tip.

Becky sees Loid's ._. face and she's like

The way he said that "Yoru-san" there, though! This was the cherry on top of this entire hilarious part!

It was weird to see there was an entire small part on Nightfall, considering we haven't seen her in the entire season. However.

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS. WHY IS HE WATCHING THEM LIKE THAT.

(again, anime only here)

And I'm like, whoa. That's a very suspicious guy thrown in the middle of a filler part (I was told this is anime original) and not shown again. Since the next episode is the last of the season, I assume we'll see him again in that one?

I remember that in episode 20, when Loid is in the hospital, we see a moment from afar with a moving shadow, like someone was watching them. I noticed it on a rewatch and up until now I thought that was Nightfall. But now?

Seriously, though, are they not noticing him??

What he doin

I love how Handler said she doesn't want to overwork her agents... I wonder if she says anything relevant in the manga but I dare not look into the chapter after the one with Becky XD I'm guessing she actually took to heart the reprimand from HQ to be more lax with her agents.

Nightfall shows an almost audacious level of self-confidence in front of her boss... and Handler doesn't deny it. She trusts her and actually thinks the same - that Nightfall is probably the only one capable of handling Twilight's missions.

Anyway, Nightfall is going all "Senpai will notice me" and I'm like

ADDITIONAL CRUISE FOOTAGE???? 👀👀👀👌👌

Another hopeless suitor, Nightfall goes like "Did you spot any flaws in that Briar woman yet or" having no idea he was looking at Yor like the yearning simp he is <3

Nightfall being all "Pick me. Choose me. Love me." and then Twilight is like "Wow she did all of that hard job while I was gone. Guess she deserves the leftover souvenirs."

Like. I'm crying laughing over this. He didn't even think about getting a souvenir for her, not even as a cover. Nightfall couldn't be more hopeless.

And then she gives him that look

And the little hope she didn't even have is thrown out the window.

I love how Twilight turns around in shock and goes like "Why is glaring at me like that?!" because you idiot you gave her "leftovers"

Like I know he thinks they're not supposed to actually connect as friends but still. For a master spy he's so dense XD

They do kinda make you feel bad for her, though. She is trying really hard, and it would be hypocritical to blame her social awkwardness when we're here shipping Mr. Emotional Constipation and Ms. Naivete Personified. She would have actually been sympathetic if she wasn't so aggressive towards Yor (and in her mind, Anya too).

Anyway. Very funny and unhinged episode but there's only ONE EPISODE LEFT. I'M NOT READY FOR THE HIATUS 😭😭

[lifea16]

Ghostfuckers thoughts [Live]

Blitz is coping badly [Buying 100 taxidermy owls to burn to stop thinking about Stolas ain't exactly normal]

Is Moxxie going to be out of commision because of MATHS [Actually it was buisness bankruption but still]

Okay.. Blitz is doing horribly

How are the shorts showing him okay when HE'S COPING BY SPENDING A SHITTON OF MONEY AND JUST LIKE NOT OKAY

'We're bankrupt! FUCK' /ref

...Blitz has been stuck in his office this whole TIME [Actually living in it is this where he sleeps most of the time bc there's a bed here]

......Blitz u okay [obviously not but still]

Millie what do you think he's been doing when he's been DROWNING HIMSELF IN WORK

Overeating is a sign of clinical depression

I know it's only been 3 minutes but I WANT TO HUG BLITZ NOW

This sinner is so pretentious xD /pos

TIME TO REENACT THE GHOST SHOW

But, how will we get to this plot

Blitz being hyperfixated on ghosts because he's watching Ghostfuckers to cope is not something I was expecting

Aww Millie made an 'Unconditional Support' ticket <3

Aren't y'all bankrupt, take any job y'all can get =/

Blitz is Horny✨

Okay.. I don't think going that insane is normal... I mean ya it was a bankruptcy but don't break ur windows

Loona and Moxxie subplot is happening!

Did Blitz just make a Mean Girls Reference ?? /pos

Blitz.. stop watching the ghost porn, you are supposed to kill the ghost

Millie let him stay in delulu so that he doesn't stay in catatonic grief

Blitz is going to need a second job after this like sheesh

Sudden costume change is sudden. like, did they change in the wild open or smthn?

BLITZ WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT MIMICING THE GHOST PORN

Blitz, you'll have to be an assassin today, not Angel Dust

Oh.. Blitz is flashing us.. BESTIE HOW'D YOU GET THOSE EXTRA SCARS

Millie must clean both hotel and van fluids today

BLITZ YOU ARE NOT BEING FILMED UNLESS YOU CAN SEE THE FOURTH WALL AND IF SO LISTEN TO ME

..Also why can't they say fuck in the porn show?? [Unless that was some other f word]

Iconic scene from trailer is Iconic [its the 'prepare to get sucked on by the astral plane' one]

Whoopsies ig

Blitz stop annoying the hotel guests

Okay.. Millie is actually annoyed at Blitz

I swear I'm getting Deja Vu from the 'Who needs you anyway'

And here come the ghost shenanigans!!~

Slenderman but make it Millie

Okay the hallucinations be happening all at once

Is there actually a ghost or is Blitz having a panic attack/ hallucinating all of this?

BABY WE BUILT THIS HOUSE ON MEMORIES!!~ /ref

oh fuck oh fuck BLITZ I AM GOING TO HUG YOU NOW

It was a panic attack! [Also Blitz here's your 3rd hug]

Where was Millie this whole time? As far as I can tell Blitz fell out the vent and had a panic attack but what was Millie doing?

We stan supportive Millie! <3

Flashback time!!!

Those who said that Blitz and Millie shared a hit were correct!!

WAIT IT WAS ACTUALLY MOXXIE FIRST [Our headcannons were lies!]

This combat style is so unique! I love it!

Millie suffered from internalized racism back in the day

You have only seen the first of it Mills

No, she'll love him, so much that they are now married

Oh look! 'We deserve worse' buddies! One helps the other whenever their low! :3

Internalized Racism is Internalized

Aggressive love, the best kind for all demons

You saw potential in Moxx in the prison break, mention that!

Where had the pendant gone that Millie found it?

Fuck ya! Blitz feels better now!! >:3

WELL FIGURE IT OUT

Oh! Envy residents are 'Infesters!'

Ghost shit! For real this time!

Time to get possessed Blitz!!

Or.. Not

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Welcome to the trauma slideshow!

MILLIE HE'S GOING TO THINK YOU MADE HIS PANIC ATTACK WORSE WHEN THIS IS OVER COMFORT HIM AGAIN AND TELL HIM THE GHOST FUCKED IT UP

Oops, the opposite way, it's gonna ruin Millie's POV

FUCK I THINK THE LEAKS ARE GONNA HAPPEN

Both Blitz and Millie are gonna need hugs

I WILL MURDER YOU RONALDO DON'T YOU DARE RUIN THE BESTIES

Ronaldo probably wouldn't even be able to taste Blitz's insecurity if he pushed Millie away because Blitz wouldn't be around anymore

I'm sure Millie can tell it's the ghost, right? Why would she trust the ghost

FUCK YES MILLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My girl!!!

Did Blitz actually change his last name to Demon-Dicker xD /hj

That was.. easy

'i never had a real friend that i didn't wanna fuck' How did Blitz just say the most loveless aroallo thing ever

Alright! He's confessed that Stolas got to him and doesn't want a threesome anymore!

Glad they can both agree they wanna fuck Moxxie xD

MOXXIE SOLVED THE PAPERWORK!!! YAYY

Overall, not what I was expecting, but loved it nonetheless!!

[mirkwoodsuperspy]

things i love abt alex

the way he hated on henry

new years kiss with nora

"he has the personality of a cabbage"

"i'd rather not be the little spoon"

everything in the closet (the literal one)

telling henry that return of the jedi being his favourite is wrong

HRH prince dckhead 💩

makes june read narcissistic fanfics abt himself

"tell shaan i say hi and i miss that sweet sweet ass xoxoxo"

turkeys gobbling and alex screaming

calling henry to make him listen to turkeys gobble

THIS SCENE. "C'mon, it's, like, in the hips. You have to loosen up." He reaches down and puts both hands on Henry's hips, and Henry immediately tenses under his touch. "That's the opposite of what I said."

"Nora! Henry has never watched a bunch of teenagers dry hump to this song!"

his entire relationship with nora

like, he's pretty sure he's straight

see, this means i can't possibly be into guys

making out with liam. award goes to liam for being the best side character ever

calling liam four years after they made out to ask if they were ever a thing and if there was a chance he was into boys

makes out with henry in front of a portrait of alexander hamilton

"for fck's sake man you just had my dck in your mouth you can kiss me goodnight"

first son of your former colony

"it's recently come to my attention you're not quite as boring as i thought. sometimes. namely when youre doing the thing with your tongue."

"baby" and pretending not to notice when henry positively melts.

"wanna do something stupid?" then wrapping his wet lips around his bottle of beer

getting henry drunk

loser with no friends besides his sister, his ex, his boyfriend, his boyfriend's best friend, and his boyfriend's sister

all his emails to henry

"tf is this? aren't there poor people in your country?"

him and zahra. "something you'd like to share with the class?"

"oh f*ck me" "f*cking sh*t" and the rest of the swearing string

yrs/ affectionately yrs

history, huh? bet we could make some

him and june

flying to England and shouting for henry to come out and talk to him

"I can see why all y'all had to marry your f*cking cousins"

"I f/cking love you, okay?"

"what do you want? "i want you" "then f/cking have me"

"i'll leave as soon as you tell me to leave"

"tell me to leave"

alex, nora, and june iconic trio

"stop are you kidding me?" "prince consort road? oh my god, take a picture of me with the sign."

"sweetheart, you're proof too"

when he made a list of things he loved about henry

comforting henry so tenderly in the car

f/cking yrs

"sweetheart" in the airplane

"zahra, you're my mean friend"

stopping the car to look at a drawing of himself (and henry ofc) XD

you know the scene where he woke up and wiggled his ass against henry um okay hahah we'll leave that there

his love for texas and his final interaction with liam

[desultory-novice]

Confession: I'm still not over how Dream Land 3 gave us a canonical catgirl (who is also a witch!) in the form of the Keke enemy!

HAL sure loves magical kitty cats!

Hee! It’s so true! And with a name like Keke… Agh, it’s sooo close to “Kiki” that you just know she has to be partly inspired by a certain delivery witch! (...Omigosh, I still haven’t seen that movie yet, shamefully. It’s been on my watch list for forever now!)

Even then, she’s original enough in design to have her own unique charm! I mean, as you say, she's got ACTUAL kitty ears! I think one of my favorite parts about Keke is that she’s in 64 just to be chilling in the background! I love when action games have non-aggressive npcs that are there to make the world feel more alive! …Tangent, but I got the recent remaster of Trip World, which has a ton of that (f-for a weeee little Game Boy game...) and it makes me so happy!

With Keke, and the cat in the lab, and Muh-...M-Magolor... (look, I'm still midway on the "Is Magolor a cat?" issue, even now! I might not be the staunch Anti-Cat Magolor Dess that I used to be, but I have not fully embraced cat egg either!) as well as our two Clockwork Stars, gosh, they really DO love cats!

...I don't think we have seen any signs of Nago or Shiro being particularly magical, but it's funny, because Clawroline dressed herself up as a stage magician before her boss fight too!

I guess Fire Lion could be considered a little magical because its mane is made of flames? And are we counting Scarfies too, since they also showed up in the infamous cat day picture?

Edit: Oh, I forgot TAC. Tac, with the ~magical ability~ to be the most annoying copy ability enemy in Kirby Super Star...!! RRGH! GET BACK HERE!! (And I don't even feel like "Copy" itself is that useful in turn because of its one-use status and the fact that you can't attack without using it up. ...Maybe I'm missing something though? Like how I underestimated the Jet ability for the longest time...)

...Oops, this was supposed to be a Keke celebration post! XD

I've always wondered about the potentials of like, an Adeleine + Keke friendship. Would Adeleine be as fond of witches as she is fairies? (HC...) Though, maybe it's the short, silver hair (and the fact that cats are fickle) but maybe Keke would be hard to befriend?!

The fact that she provides the "Clean" ability also makes me curious about the relationship of a Copy Ability User to their own Copy Ability. Do we take this to mean that Keke a very fastidious cat girl? The Witch of Organization? Or is it all...coincidence, nya~?

[ohallthecrushes]

Alphabet headcanons Elias Voit NSFW

Sooo... Here it is. I've had fun writing this. ^^ It made me wonder how would Elias react knowing that someone created headcanons for his sex preferences.

He'd probably burst with laughter and he'd be keep laughing while killing me. xd

A is for Aftercare (what he's like after sex)

He's likely to be composed and observant and a lot more relaxed, maybe even allows himself to be vulnerable, though the moment would be fleeting and not entirely out of his control. He may be quiet and introspective, reflecting on the experience and his partner's reactions, especially if they're still getting to know each other's desires, needs and kinks.

He views aftercare more like a strategic tool rather than an emotional necessity for him. He understands its importance in maintaining her trust and satisfaction, so he would be attentive and gentle, providing comfort and reassurance. But mostly he's focused on physical comfort rather than emotional intimacy.

He often holds his partner close or maintains physical contact in some other way to assert ownership.

B is for Body parts (his favorite body part of his and also his partner’s)

He's sapiosexual, so he really loves her mind and his own as well.

He loves eyes, he likes making eye contact with her, reading her emotions, her thoughts, everything that her mouth cannot say.

Speaking of mouth, he loves her lips, the way he can capture them with his, the way he can silence them, and everything that she can do with them.

As for himself, he loves his hair, he takes his time to make sure they're on point before he leaves house.

He also likes his hands as instruments of his actions, both violent and intimate.

C is for Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves to mark his territory, so his cum is usually all over her.

He loves to look at the mess he's made of her and derives satisfaction from it.

But as a sign of an ultimate ownership, he loves to cum inside her and warns her to keep it in, so he doesn't have to fill her up again (he would anyway)

D is for Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of his)

He loves a ménage à trois with both configuration, though he's always the dominant one, unfuckable by other man, he's the one that fucks. sorry Rossi

E is for Experience (how experienced is he? does he know what he's doing?)

He definitely knows what he's doing.

Due to his nature, he loves exploring and examining everything about human body and mind, so naturally he did a lot of experiments and indulged himself in a lot of activities in his early twenties. Mostly to figure out his own desires and likes, but also out of pure curiosity of how a person would react to everything he might try.

F is for Favourite position (this goes without saying)

He's on top, kneeling before her, so he has the full view of her body and an access to her clit. He can easily lean forward and grabs her throat as well, another thing that he likes to do.

G is for Goofy (is he more serious in the moment? is he humorous?)

He's predominantly serious. His intensity and focus create an atmosphere of deep connection and control.

It's unlikely that he'd incorporate humor during sex. He may occasionally use a wry or dark sense of humor to disarm her or deflect vulnerability, but this would be rare and always with a specific purpose.

H is for Hair (how well groomed is he? does the carpet match the drapes?)

He's well groomed, not entirely shaved. Basically likes his facial hair.

I is for Intimacy (how is he during the moment? the romantic aspect)

For him sex is about control and power. He often dictates the pace and style, prioritizing his own satisfaction, but giving something in return as well.

He's not selfish in bed, though he knows what he likes and can be quite demanding when he feels like he doesn't receive what he wants.

When he cares about his partner, he's very attentive and enjoys exploring her needs.

He's intensely focused and present during sex. His demeanor is controlled and deliberate, ensuring every action is precise and impactful.

He's the one in control. He very rarely, almost never, let her take the lead. She may be on top, yes, but she has to be the submissive top while he's the power bottom.

His romantic side is usually characterized by a deep, almost hypnotic attentiveness. He makes her feel like the center of his universe, using eye contact and touch to create a connection and words to keep her presence and make her feel appreciate.

He can be very passionate, though he tends to focus more on the physical act itself than the emotional connection.

J is for Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

It's alright if he really needs to release himself quickly, but it's not something he does often.

He's very disciplined, so he can go on without it for a long time, prioritizing sex with his partner over autoerotism.

He may however use it as a powerplay, making her wach as he satisfies himself.

K is for Kink (one or more of his kinks)

Oh boy.

Oh boy and his kinks.

He has a strong preference for maintaining control. He really enjoys scenarios where he has complete control over his partner, both physically and emotionally.

He loves exploring the power dynamics.

He doesn't mind taming a soft brat as long as she's not being too stubborn and irritating with her defiance. Don't question his dominance, love.

Given his manipulative nature, he's intrigued by psychological aspects of sex. He loves creating scenarios that test her trust and boundaries, pushing her to explore her own desires but also her fears.

Restraint and bondage are appealing to him, as it strengthens his dominance.

He's drawn to acts that inflict pain on his partner, as a way to maintain control but also to heighten the intensity.

Gun play, knife play... the danger excites him.

In extreme cases, (still consensual though) there could be a blurring of lines between sex and violence, where inflicting pain becomes the inherent part of sex.

There's an element of voyeurism and exhibitionism in his preferences, as he enjoys observing reactions and the power dynamics involved. This could extend to scenarios where he is both the observer and the observed.

If she has any kinks or unusual preferences, he loves to dig deeper into that. Asking a lot of questions, trying to figure the meaning behind them, seeing if there's more to them than just a physical need. Exploring her kinks can become his kink.

L is for Location (favourite places to do the do)

Any place that's private and safe. Anywhere at home, bedroom, living room, kitchen, bathroom...

He's not a fan of public sex or sex that involves the risk of being caught. He needs to be in control of the situation, and any unwanted spectator would be a put-off.

M is for Motivation (what turns him on, gets him going)

He finds it arousing when his partner can challenge him intellectually.

A nice mental sparring is what turns him on, so show him that your intelligence and wit match his and his lips will be on yours in a matter of seconds.

He thrives on the power exchange and the trust she places in him. Her willingness to obey him without question is highly arousing.

But he also entertains the idea of having a partner who is strong and independent, but ultimately submits to his control.

Embracing his dark desires and interests, participating in his fantasies, would excite him.

Specific behaviors like her making prolonged eye contact, subtly seeking his approval, or showing signs of nervous anticipation... He enjoys seeing the impact of his influence on her behavior.

N is for No (something he wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Any serious attempts to control him is a major turn-off.

Any form of disrespect towards him or his dominance is a strong no.

He dislikes overt emotional neediness. While he wants her to be emotionally invested, he can't offer her a romantic gentle love-making under the moonlight.

Not a vanilla lover. Sorry, but plain, routine, or too predictable sex bores him. He craves intensity and complexity, and anything too conventional would not satisfy him.

No whiny or complaining little brat.

No public sex as stated above.

O is for Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill)

He loves receiving as it gives him another form of control over her and it feeds his need for complete dominance.

He loves to fuck her mouth.

He likes to go down on her too and control her in a different way, making it easy for him to make her beg.

He's skillful, though he knows that every woman has different preferences, so he doesn't persist on one technique. He learns quickly.

P is for Pace (is he fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

He prefers to go rough, but not too fast, as he likes to savour the act.

He may change the pace depending on a position, but he usually goes with steady controlled pace throughout the whole act.

He may go slow and sensual to manipulate her emotions or in rare moments of vulnerability when he needs to connect with her on a deeper level.

Q is for Quickie (his opinions on quickies, how often?)

He prefers to take his time with her, but he's not totally opposite a quick sex before he starts the day or before he has to leave her again.

But overall quickies leave him with insufficiency.

R is for Risk (is he game to experiment? does he take risks?)

He can take calculated risks when he's sure that they won't spiral out of his control.

He likes to experiment and try new things from time to time.

S is for Stamina (how many rounds can he go for? how long does he last?)

His double life requires from him a lot of physical work, so he's usually too tired to go for more than one, maybe two rounds.

But he can last for a long time to heighten the intensity of his orgasm if that's something he wants to achieve.

T is for Toys (does he own toys? does he use them? on a partner or himself?)

He wouldn't like if his partner use a substitute toy even if he's not around for a long time.

No dildos or vibrators. He wants her to beg for his cock, not a piece of plastic.

But he has a nice collection of other toys that he likes using on her, like handcuffs, blindfold or whip as an extend of his dominance and as a tool to show his power over her.

A gun or a knife can also be a toy.

U is for Unfair (how much does he like to tease)

He enjoys teasing as a form of psychological play. He uses it to build anticipation and tension and sometimes to control his partner.

His teasing is often subtle and calculated, designed to push her boundaries and test her reactions. This usually involve verbal teasing, but he also may withhold her orgasm, or challenge her patience and resolve in other ways.

The intensity of his teasing could vary, but it always serves a purpose.

He uses teasing to keep her on edge, making the eventual release more powerful.

He may use more cruel teasing to manipulate or punish her for disobedience.

V is for Volume (how loud is he, what sounds he makes)

He's not loud, but he doesn't restrain himself either.

W is for Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He secretly entertains the idea of giving up his control and letting her take care of him and his body the way she sees fit. He doesn't want to be dominated, but he'd like to give in to her for once, trusting that she won't hurt him.

X is for X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He's above average, not very long, but thick.

Y is for Yearning (how high is his sex drive?)

He has a high sex drive, though it's heavily influenced by his emotional state.

His need for control and power extends into his sex life, where he seeks frequent, intense encounters.

However stress and anxiety can affect him and decrease his sex drive for some time.

Z is for Zzzleep (how quickly he falls asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t fall asleep quickly after sex. His mind is constantly active and the emotional intensity can have a impact on him and it can take a while for him to fall asleep.

He may stay awake to watch her, ensuring she's comfortable and satisfied.

He may go to make a food for her and himself.

Sometimes he finds it difficult to fall sleep without some form of physical contact with her.