#sie’s meta

[urfactual]

(Adding my comments onto here for easy reblog purposes)

I’d even go as far as to say Eddie’s queer journey started all the way back in 4.13, with Carla telling Eddie to follow his heart and not Christophers, which was a contrast to how she approached Shannon (“ a boy needs his mother in his life”). I’m firmly in the belief that he had his “oh” moment when he was shot, because he reached for Buck, and knew that if he could get to Buck/Buck was safe, he would be okay. But he repressed it due to all the trauma that lingers. You can see part of that repression in 6.12, when Buck asks if Eddie remembers anything. I wouldn’t necessarily say Eddie was being dishonest about what he remembers (repression is a hell of a drug), but he was avoidant in that moment, while being open. (Sort of like “I’ll tell you a small secret to keep the bigger one hidden.” )

The biggest sticking out point to me for an earlier development is the Eddieana breakup. Putting aside the rumours that that was originally the start of his arc, the way the entire thing was framed was extremely telling, from the dialogue being word for word from Dani in THOBM, to the costume colours and the poses themselves. While they’re breaking up, Eddie is closed off, holding himself together and trying not to break down. He admits that he will never love Ana the way he’s supposed to, and the ‘ready-made’ family excuse is just that: an excuse. He had been dating Ana for roughly 7-8 months at this point, so he should be open to letting her in, even just a bit, but he’s not. On the other hand, he let Buck in easily, and repeatedly, forming a quicker made family than that with Ana, yet he has no issues with this. This is the point where he’s finally starting to realize something is ‘wrong’ with him.

The panic attacks was never just about his trauma from the military, in fact—it wasn’t brought on by that at all past the panic in S3. Eddie panics both times in 5.01-5.03 because someone assumes Ana plays a larger role in his life (Christopher’s mother/his wife) than she actually does, and instead of correcting them, he panics, and has a freeze response. There’s no need for this if it was just about Ana’s role being assumed further, he could easily correct them, but the mere idea of it makes him scared. This even goes all the way back to Shannon, and the pressure of marrying her and subsequently ‘running away’ from her. (Imo, I think while they may have wanted to do the ptsd arc at some point, the shut down from his queer arc was the reason it was done that season.) We then have Eddie’s breakdown, and while part of it is because his colleagues are dead and he has survivors guilt, another part of it is because he ‘failed’ once more. He believes he is broken, that his job of saving people is not worth it because it doesn’t replace the people he loses. He couldn’t make his parents happy, he couldn’t make Shannon stay, he couldn’t save Shannon, or Buck, or Chris, or Buck again. He almost didn’t save Hayden—nearly died trying—he lost Ana, and now his crew, the people he saved, he never actually did. He pulled them out, but he didn’t save them, and I think that is something he believes 100% about himself, that no matter how hard he tries to fix himself, to get better, to save himself, he never can. All he does is fail.

(The point above about failing, I’ll circle back to, because it’s important with Kim). Eddie gets better, he thinks everything is okay, and then Buck dies. But unlike Buck, Eddie can’t save him, can’t help no matter how hard he tries, regulated to driving instead of helping. It isn’t until the last minute he has with Buck is he able to push air back into his lungs and blood back into his heart, does Eddie finally ‘win’. But even then, it’s not enough. It was very very telling how much Eddie looked like a grieving widow while Buck was in his coma. It hit him that he’ll live in a world without Buck, and if Buck doesn’t live, neither will Eddie. Going back to the shooting, if Eddie can just get to Buck, if he knows Buck is safe, he’ll be safe. This is when I believe his “oh” moment comes slamming back full force. He cannot live without Buck, and so what the hell does that mean? What role does Buck play in his life? Before he can question it, ask Buck, and figure it out, along comes Natalia and “she sees me” and Eddie looking at Buck with such a look of hurt, because here is Eddie, the man who sees him, the man who saved him, but Buck isn’t his. This leads into Pepa pushing Eddie to date so that he won’t be alone. Eddie doesn’t want to be alone, he wants Buck, but he can’t have him, so there is Marisol. She’s another perfect on paper woman to fit the roles that have been set out from him day one. Rules and orders he has to follow, a man he needs to be.

That leads into your point about Marisol and the nun arc, him fighting his catholic guilt, losing his son, etc. Back to Kim however, Eddie sees Shannon, sees how he failed her, and tries to do better. It was never about actually dating her, it was about finding and fixing the only love he knew worked: Shannon. But whether he’s realized it now or not, Shannon wasn’t that. They lived apart longer than they did together, they fought more than they didn’t, they left each other, and on and on. He’s romanticizing a relationship he knows doesn’t exist, but it’s better than looking inward on why exactly he’s doing that. Buck catches him, and like Buck does, he steps in and he helps. He nudges on that Door, and while Eddie doesn’t want to open it yet, he knows that if he doesn’t listen to Buck, Buck will open it for him. The thing about this door though, is it’s bursting at the hinges, and that moment where Christopher says “mom?” it all explodes open.

Now Eddie’s at the point in his life where everything is gone, destroyed, and broken. He is broken, and he hurts everything he touches. And instead of picking up everything, putting it back neatly, he ignores it. Tries to sweep it under the rug. The only reason he’s getting away with it is because the two constants in his life are gone. Christopher—his heart—is gone. He irreparably broke them, and his parents swooped in and nothing he does can fix it. He’s failed Christopher over and over, but this time it’s permanent. He proved his parents right. Buck—his north star—is pulling back. Eddie is likely the reason why, not wanting to burden Buck, because he’s the reason another person left him, and he can’t face that. Buck is trying, but Eddie is pushing him away in fear of breaking him too. But Eddie misses Buck, you can tell in every glance, the stares, and how quick he looks away when Buck’s eyes meet his. He’s now learnt new things about Buck, about his new friend Tommy, and that’s making him think about himself, and again, what Buck means to him.

He has nothing to hide behind now. His son is gone, an elephant in the room with Buck, and his best friend, and his new discovery, is the Issue. It’s why he’s opening up to Chimney and Hen more, why he’s likely to open up to Bobby soon. He can’t talk to Buck because Buck knows him so well, and he can’t deal with Buck seeing something he doesn’t understand himself.

i wonder if most of the pushback with regard to 8x05 comes from the fandom being so sure that eddie is going to figure out he’s gay before he shaves the mustache. i think that belief has led to there being this sense of ‘if gay eddie/buddie doesn’t happen now and like this then it’s never going to happen and we’re running out of time’, which isn’t true. i admittedly did get caught up how the fandom theorized episodes 5-7 would play out (bt fight and breakup in 5-6, gay eddie and mustache shaved in 6, possible feelings realization in 7) and felt disappointed with 8x05 because of that, but after rewatching the episode and reevaluating the expectations i had for it and why i even had them in the first place i feel a lot better about it. eddie’s arc is only just starting! we know the shaving scene is at the end of the next episode, and imo it would be extremely rushed for eddie to realize he’s gay within that time frame based on what we’ve seen from him so far. eddie has clearly been thinking a lot about the situation he’s in but his sense of self is still wrapped up in being a father. my guess now is that he will confide in someone about feeling completely lost without christopher in his life and the mustache being a manifestation of that, and they will tell him that altering his physical appearance isn’t the solution he needs to change his circumstances and encourage him to figure out who he is outside of being a father. the synopsis for 8x06 says a call dealing with a divorced man will open old wounds, so if that's about eddie then i think that he will likely also confess to shannon wanting a divorce and how he’s been lying to himself about the true nature of their marriage and the effect that lie has had on all his subsequent romantic relationships. shaving off the mustache will be what kickstarts his self-discovery arc instead of being the moment he accepts his sexuality like i’d thought previously.

as far as the bt breakup goes — if the show does end up going the route of tommy being abby’s ex and that striking a nerve with buck, i think that could be the catalyst that allows him the freedom to admit all the other things about tommy/the relationship that he dislikes but has so far disregarded in an effort to make the relationship work. the comments buck made in 8x05 (“oh so i am gross?” and “my own boyfriend won’t even kiss me”) point toward him feeling dissatisfied and frustrated with tommy. i also wanted to add on to what the other anons have said about bt’s lack of intimacy and say that i find it to be apparent in the dialogue as well. what stuck out the most to me about the daddy issues joke last season was that although buck and tommy had been seeing each other for a couple months and were presumably fucking, tommy still says “god i hope so” instead of something like “i know you do” which would have established a sense of familiarity between the two. everything about the way they’re physically positioned in scenes and how they speak to each other shows that the writers are not interested in developing tommy or the relationship beyond what’s strictly necessary.

also! something i liked about the episode was how it showcased how much trust and respect buck has for eddie versus how little he cares for tommy’s input. tommy and eddie both tried to talk buck out of believing he’d been cursed, but he only relented because of eddie (the pointed “if you say so”). even tommy recognized that he was incapable of swaying buck and deferred to eddie (“listen to the medic”). buck protested when tommy called him out for picking his skin but quieted when eddie backed him up. tommy doesn’t know best, eddie does. also the way buck kept talking about billy boils despite tommy’s multiple (very condescending and patronizing!) attempts at getting him to stop… buck does not like that man lol

Thank you for sending me such a thought-provoking message. I love this post entirely, but I have one small correction regarding your first piece about Eddie’s journey. From my perspective, it's misconception that Eddie’s gay discovery hasn’t started. I always thought the Buddie feelings realization theories were too fast, too soon since they would be a core couple, and like Chimney and Maddie before, their romantic development would happen spread across the season. However, we’ve been watching Eddie’s gay discovery storyline unfold the moment he said “Tommy’s gay?”, learned he and Buck were on a date, then instead of breaking up, stayed with Marisol. So I don’t believe it’d be rushed if he has a small realization that he keeps privately to himself. Otherwise, I agree with you and all your thoughts.

I don’t want to simply reword everything you said about Buck and Tommy. I will also add that Buck likely believes he owes Tommy their relationship since he’s his first gay relationship. Buck has once remained in a relationship under obligation (Taylor Kelly after they said “I love you”). And he has never made the same mistake twice in his relationships.

[denschnappichmir]

Spatort serving 1A Dialoge as always

würde gern so über den Dingen stehen wie Herr Weisser

[lu-inlondon]

Autos im Spatort

Das fleißige Lieschen

Leo - SB TY 7177 Mercedes E 300 T-Modell (Kombi)

Adam - SB B 3330 Mercedes GLC 300 4-matic (Baujahr 2018/19)

Der Herr des Waldes

Leo - SB TY 7177 Peugeot 308, 2. Generation (Baujahr 2017-2021)

Adam - SB B 3330 Skoda Kodiaq (1. Generation, 1. Facelift; Baujahr 2021-2023 - ganz neu!)

Esther - SB GL 2003 Ford Focus IV (Baujahr 2018-2022)

Das Herz der Schlange

Leo - SB TY 7177 Peugeot 308, 2. Generation (Baujahr 2017-2021)

Pia (?) Ford (Focus IV s.o.)

Die Kälte der Erde

Leo - SB TY 7177 Peugeot 308e (3. Generation; Baujahr ab 2022)

Pia - SB B 3330 Skoda Kodiaq (1. Generation, 1. Facelift; Baujahr 2021-2023)

Esther - SB GL 2003 Ford Focus IV (Baujahr 2018-2022)

Der Fluch des Geldes

Leo - SB TY 7177 Peugeot 308e (3. Generation; Baujahr ab 2022)

Adam - SB B 3330 Skoda Kodiaq (1. Generation, 1. Facelift; Baujahr 2021-2023)

[tatort-sideblog]

Wie war das noch? Nur weil man paranoid ist, heißt das nicht, dass man nicht verfolgt wird?

Dunkelfeld | Meta

[mcmorare]

What plot points would change due to the inclusion of your character in canon?

What role would your character play in the story? Are they a major player, or a one scene wonder?

Besides your face/voiceclaim, who do you think would be cast as your character?

If your character had a breakout show/film/comic, what would the plot be? Who would be in their supporting cast?

What headcanons/theories do you believe fandom would invent about your character?

What controversies/drama would your character incite in fandom?

What fan-material would exist for your character in fandom?

Is your character the subject of ‘imagines’ or ‘x reader’ style blogs?

Are there any tropes fandom would put upon your character, for better or for worse?

What would be the ‘incorrect but wildly popular’ interpretation of your character in fandom?

How does fandom characterize/mischaracterize your characters ship in fanworks?

Be honest. What song is playing over an AMV/tiktok of scenes between your character and their love interest?

What is the wildest crackship you can imagine for your character, whether in-universe or in crossover?

((feel free to ignore some of these if you want!! I just love a lot of those questions and I am Curious sdgjhsdf))

if your oc was canon…

What plot points would change due to the inclusion of your character in canon? There would be a few shifts to accomodate the fact that she would be around during AOU and Endgame, and very briefly in AOS, but other than that her story doesn't really have too much of an impact on changing the events of the m.cu as a whole. Which was intentional! Her story is very self-contained.

What role would your character play in the story? Are they a major player, or a one scene wonder? I think in terms of the overall Marv/el franchise, she would definitely be a more minor character. A recurring one maybe, but not a main character by any means. Maybe she'd get her own spinoff.

Besides your face/voiceclaim, who do you think would be cast as your character? If they went for an actress who speaks German, I think maybe Dominique Devenport or Lisa Vicari! If they went for an English-speaker who does an accent/some German lines, my first thought is Sofia Black-D'Eila, and maaaybe Daisy Edgar-Jones? I'm not entirely sure though!

If your character had a breakout show/film/comic, what would the plot be? Who would be in their supporting cast? answered here!

What headcanons/theories do you believe fandom would invent about your character? Hmmm... considering Katrina is a very private person, up until the point that she really got her own plotline I think there could be a lot of headcanons about her background and relationships with people like Julien that people could come up with!

What controversies/drama would your character incite in fandom? Well, most women with powers get accused of being a "mary-sue" or "forced diversity" at some point, so I would fully expect that. Honestly, I think the other controversies would mainly be around the fact that her background very much showcases the fact that she had very negative experiences with religion and cons.ervatism as a child, which I know a certain type of person would Not appreciate in the slightest. I once read a fan letter in the write-in section of a comic centered around mutant characters where someone couldn't figure out why conse.rvatives are always the villains in these stories imagine how whiny they would get if it was even more explicit of a plot point

What fan-material would exist for your character in fandom? I could see people doing art and maybe some speculative fics on scenes from her past that wouldn't be shown! And as someone who cannot do video editing, I hope so bad that there would be video edits of her I have imagined them in my mind and I wish they were real

Is your character the subject of ‘imagines’ or ‘x reader’ style blogs? Maybe??? I think some people would find her hot but I don't know if it would be enough people to warrant imagines or x reader blogs

Are there any tropes fandom would put upon your character, for better or for worse? OH BOY. Sexy femme fatale would definitely be one. One-dimensional snarky action girl. Emotionless spy. I feel like a lot of it would just be ignoring the nuances of her character, how her trauma impacts her, and how the too-cool facade she puts up is just that - a facade.

What would be the ‘incorrect but wildly popular’ interpretation of your character in fandom? See above answer lol

How does fandom characterize/mischaracterize your characters ship in fanworks? Katrina can be a difficult character to ship with because it is so fucking hard to break down her walls. I feel like a lot of people would try to push aside how guarded she is for the sake of a cute ship, and while I 10000% feel that it's just. Not who she is. She has to get to know and trust the person before she lets herself be any sort of vulnerable with them. Katrina is guarded and mistrusting to a fault. (And I feel like this would be ESPECIALLY prevalent in any sort of explicit material involving her; she has a complex relationship with both emotional and physical intimacy that I think a lot of people just wouldn't want to write all the nuances of.)

Be honest. What song is playing over an AMV/tiktok of scenes between your character and their love interest? Oooh I could see a few ones for this depending on the love interest... but just in general, I could see House On Fire by Rise Against, Nervous by K. Flay, Trouble by Cage the Elephant, Yoko Ono by Mob Rich, R U Mine by the Arctic Monkeys (a classic), or What If It Doesn't End Well by chloe moriondo.

What is the wildest crackship you can imagine for your character, whether in-universe or in crossover? Uhhhh.... I am blanking and the only thing coming to my mind is the fact that every marv.el character eventually gets shipped with Darcy, but other than that I'm not sure! What do you guys think

[malpractice-morale]

just read a memory transcript of last semesters exam and uh wtf? like I heard the prof asks terrible questions but that’s the stuff of nightmares. 0% of the information is on the slides wtf dude

[lucent-nargacuga]

.

[rifari2037]

I found this thread on Twitter and it's so refreshing to know that Zutara fandom actually has strong allies.

Zuko - (my captain) Dante Basco

Katara - Mae Whitman

Sokka - Jack de Sena

Toph - Michaela Jill Murphy

Azula - Grey DeLisle

Uncle Iroh - Greg Baldwin

(even) Cabbage Man - James Sie

It's funny because this fact made me suddenly create a headcanon :

Of course Zuko and Katara shipping themselves, they fell in love with each other.

Then almost all the members of the Gaang except Aang (we don't know for sure about Suki) also ship Zutara because they know Zuko and Katara are secretly making out, while Aang denies it because well, you know why…

Sokka as Katara's brother approve their relationship!

Then Uncle Iroh, he must've ship Zutara since stubborn Zuko asked Katara to help him defeat Azula.

Uncle Iroh as father figure for Zuko definitely approve their relationship!

Azula shipped Zutara? She must've known that Katara meant a lot to Zuko, otherwise why would she direct the lightning at her? She know that either Katara would lose or Zuko would sacrifice himself for her.

I can say, that's the way Azula as Zuko's sister approve their relationship!

And the Cabbage Man. This time I didn't expect it. Maybe he really is a Zutara shipper. Maybe he was the one who told the Ember Island player director that the two of them had a special relationship? (I'm making things up this time) 😂😂

Okay, back to Zutara fandom who has strong allies from the ATLA writers too.

John O'Brian (the one who confirming that they talked about Zutara endgame in writing room)

Joshua Hamilton (the one who fight alongside John O'Brian to make Zutara endgame)

I'm sure the list won't end there

I also wont forget that Zutara fandom has great writers and artists with fanarts, fanfics, video edits, meta and analysis, etc., which makes Zutara never boring. Thanks to y'all 💙❤️

They did get canon, but I can still enjoy the victory!

[if-we-are-free-tell-me-why]

Hallihallo,

Meta aka Facebook aka Instagram plant scheinbar, Nutzer*Innendaten für die KI Entwicklung zu nutzen, wenn ihr das nicht wollt, kann man in den Einstellungen Einspruch erheben (das geht am besten über die App). Man muss auch einen Grund angeben, warum man der Nutzung widerspricht, da hat die Verbraucherzentrale schon vorgeschriebene Texte, und ich musste dann noch meine Email mit dem Code bestätigen, aber dann kam auch ein paar Stunden später ne email, dass meinen Einwänden statt gegeben wurde. Also auch wenn's nicht so leicht ist wie einfach nen Haken rauszunehmen würde ich doch dafür plädieren dass ihr euch das mal anschaut ✌️

[bernhard-brause]

Einfach in den Müll damit. Es ist erstaunlich, wie Instagram willkürlich Konten sperrt, ohne den Nutzern eine faire Chance zur Klärung zu geben. Wenn META seine Macht derart missbraucht, darf es sich nicht wundern, wenn sie das Vertrauen derer verlieren, die sie groß gemacht haben.

Mein Dank für das heutige Bild geht an Brigitte 🙏

[dawkacynizmu]

pisanie ksiazki wiaze sie z pewnymi meta trudnymi decyzjami np ustalaniem jaki samochod najbardziej pasuje do osobowosci postaci ktora pojawia sie doslownie w 1 rozdziale i nie ma to zadnego wiekszego znaczenia dla fabuły

[falleraatje]

Ich habe dazu gar nicht mehr viel hinzuzufügen außer, dass man die Zuneigung zwischen den beiden auch schon in den kleinen Momenten im Film wunderbar sehen kann, finde ich:

Heide sagt Adam, dass er nicht bleiben muss. Sie versucht ihn zu beschützen. Da ist die Hand auf seinem Knie, der Versuch ihm Trost zu spenden, auch wenn sie wahrscheinlich nicht weiß, wie sie damit umgehen soll. Aber sie versucht es.

Dann ist da Adam, der zu seiner Mutter zurück in sein Elternhaus gezogen ist. Der genauso wenig weiß, wie er mit seiner Mutter umgehen soll. Aber in dem Moment, in dem Leo nicht mehr da ist, setzt er sich trotzdem zu ihr. Auch wenn er nicht genau weiß, was er machen soll, sucht er trotzdem ihre Nähe, weil sie eben immer noch seine Mama ist.

Adam und Heide

Oder warum die Rückkehr in den Bunker die richtige Entscheidung war

Wie man das halt so macht, habe ich in den letzten Tagen die Spatort-Filme laufen lassen, habe darüber sinniert, und bin zu dem Schluss gekommen, dass ich die Entscheidung, Adam zurück in den Bunker ziehen zu lassen, wahnsinnig gut finde.

Nach Kälte der Erde hatte ich eine Reaktion, die vermutlich die der meisten entspricht: Wtf? Warum tut er das? Nach allem, was er da durchmachen musste... 

Denn Adam hat viel durchgemacht. Wir sehen, wie er in seiner Kindheit bzw. Jugend dort unter seinem Vater gelitten hat. Wir sehen, wie Roland mit den Psychospielchen weitermacht, kaum dass er aus dem Krankenhaus entlassen wurde. Und wir sehen natürlich auch, wie Roland Adam dort foltert und ihn zwingt dabei zuzusehen, wie er sich selbst tötet. 

Welcher vernünftige Mensch würde also an diesen Ort zurückkehren? 

Das ist der eine Punkt. Der andere rührt eher aus der Trauer, dass Adam nicht bei Leo wohnt oder zumindest auf dessen Couch haust.

Ja, ich weiß. Die eigentliche Erklärung ist vermutlich, dass es aus filmtechnischen Gründen einfacher war Adam in den Bunker zu stecken, als noch eine Location für seine Wohnung - oder Leos Couch - zu scouten. Nein, der SR hat sich sicher nicht so viele Gedanken gemacht. Aber auch aus anderen Blickwinkeln ist es eine spannende Entscheidung für Adams Entwicklung und vor allem die Entwicklung der Beziehung zu seiner Mutter.

1 - Heide als Opfer von Missbrauch und häuslicher Gewalt

Wir wissen nicht genau, was Heide unter Roland erleiden musste. Aber persönlich denke ich es ist wahrscheinlich, dass auch sie misshandelt wurde - mindestens emotional, vermutlich auch physisch.

Die Grenze zwischen Mittäterin/Mitwisserin, jemandem, der Adam nicht geholfen hat, und einem weiteren Opfer von Gewalt sind also fließend.

Nun habe ich zum Glück nur selten direkt mit häuslicher Gewalt oder Missbrauch zu tun, aber Adam ist Polizist. Er hat eine ganz andere Ausbildung erfahren - zusätzlich zu seinen eigenen Erfahrungen als Opfer - die ihm eine besondere Sicht auf die Dinge verleihen. Und wir wissen seit seiner ersten Szene in dfL, dass er Mitgefühl mit Opfern zeigt und sie auf unorthodoxe Weise zu schützen versucht.

Ich denke also, dass es nicht zu weit hergeholt ist, dass Adam seine Mutter nicht mehr primär als Mittäterin oder Mitwisserin sieht, sondern nach Jahren des Abstands vor allem als ein weiteres Opfer, dem es zu helfen gilt.

Darum war es für mich auch nie überraschend, dass er in HdW kaum Widerstand leistet, als Heide ihn bittet, nach Hause zu kommen. Ja, dass er in KdE ganz zurück in den Bunker zieht war nicht abzusehen, aber ich kann mit mittlerweile sehr gut vorstellen, dass Heide nicht lange fragen musste, um nicht wieder 15 Jahre alleine zu sein.

2 - Sie ist seine Mutter

Beziehungen sind in der Regel nur selten schwarz und weiß. In den meisten Fällen sind sie vielschichtig und durchzogen von Bunt und Grau. Auch misshandelnde und vernachlässigende Eltern sind nicht zu 100% der Zeit schlecht. Ja, diese Momente prägen stark und stehen im Kontrast zum Hintergrund alltäglichen Graus, aber sie machen eben nicht alle Erinnerungen aus.

Ein bisschen ist es meiner Meinung nach schon zu sehen - bzw. Zu hören - wenn Adam Roland in seinem Flashback mit „Papa“ anfleht. Natürlich kann das daher kommen, dass Roland diesen Namen verlangt hat, aber es ist auch nicht von der Hand zu weisen, dass es vielleicht mal eine Zeit gab, in der Adam seinen Vater geliebt hat, so schwer das auch vorstellbar ist.

Auch wenn Adams Gefühle hinsichtlich Roland ganz sicher nicht mehr von Zuneigung geprägt und sicher nicht sehr zwiegespalten sind, muss das bei Heide nicht der Fall sein.

(Das ist ein Punkt, den Menschen mit einer guten Beziehung zu ihren Elternteilen nur selten verstehen und der sich mindestens so verwirrend anfühlt, wie er sich erklären lässt.)

Wir wissen nicht, wie Heide mit Adam als Kind war. Aber wir sehen, wie sie mit ihm als Erwachsener ist: Sie umarmt ihn ohne zu zögern, sobald sie ihn erkennt. Sie erinnert sich an Leo, berichtet ihm von der einen Sache, von der sie weiß, dass sie Adam am Herzen liegt. Sie versucht ihm zögerlichen Trost zu spenden, sich zu entschuldigen. Sie lehnt sich sogar gegen Roland auf. 

Es ist nicht viel, vielleicht ist es nicht genug, aber es reicht um sich vorzustellen, wie Heide mit Adam als Kind umgegangen ist. Wie sie sich um seine Verletzungen gekümmert und dabei über Leo gesprochen hat. Wie sie ihm Essen zugesteckt hat, wenn Roland ihn eigentlich hungern lassen wollte. 

Sie ist seine Mama. Und auch wenn es blöd und für manch einen unverständlich klingt, sind diese stillen Momente viel wert und sorgen vielleicht auch mit 30 noch dafür, dass Adam nach Hause kommen will - gerade wenn er in seinem Leben andere Sorgen hat (Leo, das Geld, Boris).

3 - Heilung

Ich glaube einen Teil dieses Punktes, habe ich auch in anderen Erklärungen schon gelesen, weil er doch sehr naheliegend ist: Adam zieht zurück in den Bunker, um sich seiner Vergangenheit zu stellen und sich Roland gegenüber zu behaupten. Falls die Filmschaffenden sich mehr dabei gedacht haben, dann würde ich fast darauf wetten, dass sie es genau so erklären, warum Adam zurück in den Bunker zieht.

Persönlich denke ich aber, es könnte noch mehr dahinter stecken. Ich würde es gerne als gemeinsames Heilen verstehen.

In den ersten Filmen ist Heide einfach nur grau. Sie verschmilzt in manchen Szenen so sehr mit dem Betongrau des Bunker, dass es mehr als einen Rewatch braucht um zu sehen, dass sie überhaupt da ist. Sie hat keine erkennbare Persönlichkeit, spricht kaum und protestiert nicht. Sie hat 15 Jahre darauf gewartet, dass ihr Mann aus dem Koma aufwacht oder dass ihr Sohn zurückkommt und als es passiert, scheint sie nicht sonderlich viel damit anfangen zu können.

Wie bereits vorhin gesagt wissen wir nicht, wie es Heide unter Roland ging, aber Vermutung legt nahe, dass auch sie misshandelt wurde. Sie muss nicht nur selbst heilen, jetzt, da Roland tot ist. Auch seine Beziehung mit ihr zu kitten kann für Adam ein Schritt sein, mit seiner Kindheit abzuschließen.

Dass heißt nicht, dass alles vergeben und vergessen ist. Ein Teil von Adam wird vermutlich immer wütend sein, dass sie nichts unternommen hat. Das misshandelte Kind in sich wird er nie los werden können. Aber er kann ihm nach Jahrzehnten vielleicht endlich die liebevolle Mutter geben, die es schon immer verdient hat und die vielleicht - in ihrem eigenen Heilungsprozess - auch genau das für ihn sein will.

Ich muss an Heide und die Yogamatte denken, an das Orangefarbene Kleid und die neue Frisur in KdE und der Gedanke, dass Adam in den Bunker zieht, scheint plötzlich ganz und gar nicht mehr abwegig. Er scheint eher wie der nächste Schritt auf dem langen Weg, das Monster Roland in der Vergangenheit zu lassen und die wichtigen Dinge in der Gegenwart zu reparieren. 

Und die Sache ist die: Diesen Ballast abzuwerfen, kann Adam nur helfen. 

Also ja. Nach vielem Gerede und noch mehr Denken, scheint mir Adams Handeln plötzlich sonnenklar und ich jubele ihm zu, dass er diesen Schritt geht und sich nicht nur den Erinnerungen im Bunker stellt, sondern auch dem damit verbundenen Heilungsprozess und der vermutlich ambivalenten Beziehung zu seiner Mutter. 

Und Leos Couch rückt ja deswegen nicht in weite Ferne. Sie ist immer noch da und lädt sicher zum Kuscheln ein, wenn es irgendwann mal besser geht.

[lo20]

I knew he reminded me of somebody...

https://www.instagram.com/mmcallmeoliver1983?igsh=MThyYmdvaGxyZmVhNw==

[germancrimezine]

German Crime Zine ist eine Sammlung von Fanwerken zu deutschen Krimiserien, die als Buch und als PDF erscheinen wird. Das Projekt beschäftigt sich mit den vielfältigen Beziehungen der Charaktere untereinander, seien sie romantisch oder platonisch. Die Arbeiten umfassen Geschichten, Illustrationen, Comics, Meta-Analysen und mehr. Das Ziel des Projektes ist es am Ende ein Buch anzubieten, das alle eingereichten Werke umfasst.

Das zine soll einen Querschnitt durch das vielfältige deutschsprachige Krimiserien-Fandom darstellen und unser gemeinsames Interesse an den Charakteren und ihren Beziehungen feiern!

Hinter dem zine stecken die tumblr user*innen kathastrophen, littledozerdraws und sternengreif.

Checkt gerne unser FAQ und folgt dem Account für alle weiteren Updates!

[mcmorare]

REFLECT

send REFLECT for me to explain a traumatic event in my muses’s past and talk about their perception of events,  which parts have stayed with them longest and how it affects them now.

Wilhelm's death was never supposed to happen. The gun was aimed at Katrina's head. And she didn't react fast enough to move herself out of the way, much less stop him from taking the hit instead. She couldn't stop him from crumpling to the ground, blood pooling across the training mats. She couldn't stop her hands from shaking. In the moment, she was just in a state of complete terror and shock. When she got back to her little room, she threw up.

Every fraction of a second of his death has haunted her ever since. She relives it in nightmares. She hears it in her hallucinations. Sometimes, she'll even swear she can see the little flecks of blood on her hands.

But more than just the image, the thing that's stayed with her the most is the guilt. Katrina has killed before. Some of them she doesn't even feel particularly bad about. But Wilhelm's death is one of the greatest regrets of her life. She still fully believes that he was and would have grown to be a far better person than she is. That his life was wasted on her. That she is not worth that, she has never been worth that, and that it had been her punishment to take. The fact that he acted of his own volition doesn't matter to her - one of the people who treated her with the most kindness out of anyone she'd ever met is dead because of her. A genuinely good person. She will never forgive herself for that.

The guilt is a driving factor behind her self destructive tendencies. Another reason to throw herself into fights. It gets out the rage, the grief - it also gets her hurt. Her punishment for that, among other things. But guilt also influences her decisions - she still keeps tabs on Wilhelm's sisters from afar, never interfering but making sure they're alright all the same. And if it came down to a moment where Katrina had to save someone else instead of herself, depending on who it was, she would take it. She wouldn't be able to get past having another good person's life on her hands.

[1ntrus1v3thoughts]

» dzisiaj rowniez bylo niezle, zjadlam niewiele a waga stoi w miejscu. licze ze jutro bedzie mniej bo jestem juz tak blisko 49 kg😭 blagam, czworka z przodu bedzie swietna. jadlam dzis tylko trzy musy po okolo 75 kcal i porcje kurczaka z makaronem z wczoraj, gdzies z 300 kcal obstawiam. wieczorem jedynie zjadlam jeszcze pudding ktory mial 83 kcal okolo i to tyle, jestem dumna. pilam dzis pare lykow kawy ale nieduzo, wiec tez dobrze. mial byc meta day a wyszlo jak wyszlo, ale to dobrze XD lepiej niz gdybym sie obzarla jak swinia. co do mojego dnia ogolem to bylo tez w porzadku, obudzilam sie o 11:30, wczesnie jak na mnie XD pogadalam dwie godziny z gf, pozniej pisalam z paroma osobami i gralam w genshina. ogarnelam tez to co mialam ogarnac na nastepna lekcje gitary wiec tez sie ciesze ze mam to z glowy. jedynie troche sie boje tam jechac bo to ostatnia lekcja z tego kursu i gosc powiedzial, ze nagra jak gram i wrzuci na fb 💀💀 totalnie tego nie chce, no ale nie moge sie sprzeciwic bo ten chuj to zrobi i tak. przynajmniej cos umiem to moze nie bedzie wstydu😭 no niewazne, gitara i tak dopiero w srode. na razie ucze sie kilku piosenek, idzie mi calkiem dobrze. mam nadzieje ze wasz dzien tez byl dobry! dodatkowo nie wyszlam dzis na zaden spacer, bo nie jadlam wiele i nie musialam wszystkiego spalac, ale i tak zrobie pajacyki jak codziennie. uznalam, ze od tej pory bede robila o 10 wiecej pajacykow kazdego dnia, dzis wychodzi mi 120 bo liczba startowa bylo 100.

» zjedzone kalorie: 621

» spalone kalorie: jedynie 30💀 ale bede jeszcze robic pajacyki to kolo 260 bedzie

» bilans: jesli liczyc pajacyki niezrobione jeszcze to 361

» kroki: 1070

» waga: okolo 51

» podsumowujac, dzisiejszy dzien oceniam 8/10. bylo naprawde spoko, a moja gf jest mega slodka, az chyba zrobie o niej osobnego posta skoro to konto to i tak moj pamietnik. chudej nocki i trzymajcie sie lekko!!