#shut up marlene
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list of things that the marauders fandom made up: a summary
the marauders naming themselves the marauders. there is no evidence for it, and on the map, it is written the marauder's map. the marauder is a synonym of some sorts to rascal, raider
james "fleamont" potter and sirius "orion" black. remus (john) is the only one who has a canon middle name, actually
on that note, lily's middle name. jean, jane, jolene. the only (canon) thing we know about it is that it starts with a j
the personalities of sirius black, james potter, peter pettigrew, remus lupin, lily evans, (characters that have been given little backstory), barty crouch, mary macdonald, (characters that have been mentioned once or twice or, on barty's case, given almost little to no backstory) marlene mckinnon, dorcas meadowes, regulus black, pandora lovegood (literally dead when the series started)
their relationships with each other and the ways that they interact (enemies to lovers dorlene, best friends to lovers marylily, the very exact dynamics between the marauders and other characters, even the dynamic between the black brothers)
grant chapman
all the other marauders era character ocs
almost all of the ships (besides jily and fralice): wolfstar, jegulus, jegulily, nobleflower, marylily, marylene, dorlene, dorlily, pandorcas, rosekiller the list goes on and on
the idea that the prank has been something dramatic that had put a strain on their relationship. sirius seems to be showing no remorse about it whatsoever, remus seems very unbothered
the fact that sirius had long hair before azkaban, too. (he canonically has short hair. moody, in the order picture, described him as "sirius, before he had long hair.")
remus' scars. they are, not once, mentioned or described in canon
remus being a casanova. once again, no canon evidence. the only one of them who seems to have been interesting to the hogwarts population was sirius, who seemed "uninterested"
james and sirius being "dumb". they're one of the only characters in the series, along with hermione granger and a few others, who are described as "exceptionally bright" and "exceptionally smart"
pretty much the whole lore
#guilty as charged (for so many of them)#feel free to add to this! i just find it so funny that we made up our own canon like. silly little gays making stuff abt queer dead wizards#is this a call out for myself? why yes it kind of is đ#also the john in remus' name is so british like. john. *john*#okay i'll shut up#sirius black#remus lupin#james potter#peter pettigrew#marlene mckinnon#dorcas meadowes#lily evans#mary macdonald#regulus black#pandora lovegood#evan rosier#barty crouch jr#wolfstar#dorlene#jegulus#jegulily#thoughts
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i feel like dorcas and marlene would both idolise each other a lot. like i know a lot of people see it as marlene being a loser lesbian obsessed with her goddess girlfriend. and i veryyyy much agree with that.
but also it's the same way round with dorcas. dorcas is ALSO a loser lesbian obsessed with her goddess girlfriend.
marlene is awkwardly social, doesn't think before speaking, rants for hours about obscure subjects, failing most of her school classes, dresses very masculine, does not get social queues/norms. and dorcas is extremely attractive, a quidditch prodigy, extremely talented witch, gets tops marks in most subjects, gets social queues/norms.
but also dorcas is socially awkward, rarely talks to people, is an outcast in her house and has no close friends for most of school, also dresses very masculine, has 0 sense of style. and marlene has a close friend group throughout school, does talk to people, has style, is very talented in non school related ways.
#but also other people see dorcas and think: shes hot smart and sporty. too bad shes a weird loner who's rude to everyone#and other people see marlene and think: she's friendly rich and has popular friends so must be somewhat cool#too bad she's conventionally unattractive and doesn't know when to shut up#so when dorlene get together people think they're very much on each other's level#whilst they themselves are both like 'she could get anyone she's literally perfect. why does she like me???'#dorlene#marauders era#marlene mckinnon#dorcas meadowes#dorlene headcanons
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marauders as phoebe bridgers songsđ§
AGHAGAHAGAAGAAGHAGHAHA. this is gonna be a bit long guys!! i pulled out the lyrics and shit for this one
punisher garden song - regulus kyoto - marlene!! punisher - remus but i want to say mary because of the "i feel like i know you but weve never met" (i think im hilarious) halloween - remus and just wolfstar in general chinese sattelite - sirius moon song - WOLSTAR WOLFSTAR WOLFSTAR WOLFSTAR. wolfstar. savior complex - wolfstar again ICU - remus but remus to sirius. so. wolfstar again. im sorry graceland too - MARLENE OH MY GOD. like. "a rebel without a clue" come on now. i know the end - the black brothers.
stranger in the alps smoke signals - sirius but like remus to sirius yk? so uhh again. wolfstar. but like "its been on my mind since bowie died" like!! motion sickness - the black brothers!! shout out to the drowning lyric too funeral - just all the marauders during the war esp. but aslo the rosier twins and reggie (also mentions drowning!!) demi moore - dorlene scott street - maybe wolfstar? yeah them !! killer - god i love this song. god i love this song. god i love this song. uhhh maybe dorlene? i think it could be like any of the ships georgia - jegulus!!! also mentions drowning (im sensing a theme??) chelsea - idk this song very well but. i just looked at the lyrics. and. oh! so wolfstar !! metiones prison boy (sirius??) would you rather - ANTOHER song that mentions drowning. the black brothers!! you missed my heart - i love this song but i dont think any of them would murder eachother so itll all work out - pandora!! specifically her to lily
misc killer + the sound - sirius. waiting room - sirius. sidelines - sirius again dude i love him so much so much wine - the black brothers!! day after tommorow - remus. the war. summers end - this song makes me sob every time. the black brothers.
so yeah!! you can totally tell im normal about phoebe bridgers and wolfstar
#sam shut the fuck up#crazy? i was crazy once#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK U DONT KNWO HOW MUCH I LOVE DOING THIS#asks!!!#marauders#phoebe bridgers#sirius black#remus lupin#wolfstar#jegulus#regulus black#the black brothers#dorlene#marlene mckinnon#pandalily#pandora rosier
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[the marauders go to the cinema]
Regulus, putting his hand on top of James' on the armrest:
James, very happy that Regulus is doing the first step, intertwining their fingers:
Sirius, from the back, throwing angrily pop corns at them: No, no! One seat of distance between you two!
Marlene, who's trying to rizz Dorcas since the beginning, annoyed that Sirius is breaking the romantic atmosphere: Shut up Black.
#remus grabs his hand and makes him shut up real quick#and peter winks at james very heavily but it makes james laugh#dorcas x marlene#jegulus#dorlene#wolfstar#marauders#incorrect marauders quotes#james potter#regulus black#sirius black#marlene mckinnon#dorcas meadowes#jegulus incorrect quotes#dorlene incorrect quotes#sunseeker#starchaser#marauders era#incorrect quotes#dead gay wizards#the marauders#text post#textpost#jegulus textpost#jegulus text post#james x regulus#regulus x james#regulus loves james#james loves regulus#marlene x dorcas
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Sirius glances at the map on his bedside table. He's been waiting up for Remus and James for nearly two hours. It's way past curfew and they don't have the map or the cloak. He grabs the map and taps it with his wand, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Immediately, spidery lines of ink spread across the page, mapping every inch of the school. Sirius starts to unfold all of the pages and flaps, scanning every inch for Remus or James. They're in a classroom all the way across the school. Sirius looks at Peter and Marlene, who was waiting for the boys with him. Both of them are asleep. "Whatever." He grabs the cloak, slides the hood up, and runs down the stairs, studying the map as he moves. What the hell are they doing in a classroom in the fucking East Wing? Sirius narrowly dodges Filch and presses himself up against the wall. He passes Alice at some point. She's sprinting toward Gryffindor Tower, coming from the dungeons and swearing her ass off.
"Fucking cissy, distracting me from my fucking missions, fucking bastard. Jackass. Never visiting her again!" He snorts. Sirius is panting by the time he reaches the classroom. The door is locked.
"What the hell? Alohamora." He swings open the door and definitely throws up in his mouth just a little. Remus literally has James pinned to the wall, sucking on his neck while James makes sounds Sirius will never unhear. Both of them are shirtless and both of them look like their hair has been yanked on. "Eugh!" Sirius claps a hand over his mouth and both other boys glance toward him.
âOh, you cunt!" Remus shouts. "Take the cloak off so I can see you when I punch you in the mouth." James is glancing around, trying to find his shirt. Sirius pulls the cloak off.
"What. What the bloody fucking hell is going on here, Prongs?!" James ignores him.
"Babe, just find your shirt later," Remus says. Sirius gags again. "Oh, fuck off, Pads. You are such an idiot!"
"Why didn't we grab the map?" James mutters.
"Are you guys dating?" Sirius yells.
"Ohmygod." Remus drops his head into James' shoulder. "No, Sirius, I'm on a mission to fuck Prongs in an abandoned classroom cause I am just desperate to be his bestie." James giggles. "Make an educated guess, mate."
"Is that- is that why Remus has been coming to watch practice? I thought that was for Marlene."
"Ew," Remus whispers. "As if. No."
"Oh my God, my best friend is dating my brother," Sirius murmurs. "That's disgusting!" Remus rolls his eyes.
"Stop whining, idiot. I'm starving, Jam, let's go."
"I need my shirt though, I can't find it."
"Hold on, hold on. How long have you two pervs been sneaking around?" He asks.
"Literally since December."
"Six months?!" Sirius shouts.
"Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't catch us earlier," James says. "I fully expected you to." Remus shakes his head.
"Who else knows?" Sirius asks.
"Marlene, I tell her everything. And Lily once found us in Hogsmeade. Alice and Frank saw us after practice one day. And Barty guessed," Remus lists off.
"Barty knows before me?" Sirius gasps. "James, what the hell? You're supposed to tell me everything."
"Yeah, well, not this. I wanted to keep it secret. Marlene is the only one who knows on purpose." Sirius makes a face. "Sirius, come on! I'm sorry. This is kinda new, I didn't want a jinx it!"
"Aw, that's cute. You wouldn't jinx it, love, too adorable," Remus says and bends down to kiss him. Sirius screams and runs away from them, deeply uncomfortable and needing to talk to Marlene.
#kinda wanna write more of this.#im confident sirius was a drama queen about moonchaser and went crying to marlene-#she made fun of him and told him to shut up#marlene mckinnon#hp marauders#hp fandom#marauders era#marauders#the marauders#sirius being sirius#sirius black#moonchaser#nobleflower#remus x james#barty crouch junior#james x remus#remus loves james#remus lupin#peter pettigrew#lily potter
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I couldn't find this page on my blog (it likely is there somewhere bc I never shut up about it) but this was still the funniest & most epic thing to ever happen in Moon Knight's publication history (aside from the other thing I never shut up about) and I just really needed to put it in my Scarlet tag while I'm talking about her tonight.
#png#they were crazy for this one#moon knight#marlene alraune#scarlet fasinera#only putting this in those tags so they can be in the tags on MY blog so be nicey to me#(the other thing I never shut up about is Scarlet kissing Marc & then immediately stabbing him & pushing him off a bridge)
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Did we cry less this week? I think we cried less this week.
#fanfic#fanfiction#nonsense#making shit up#steddie#saturdaycryingclub#yeehaw marauders#rosekiller#fights a bear#wolfstar#starchaser#good dad Monty#Sirius might be stalking Remus#but in a cute way#he just wants to see the goats#Reggie just wants a snack#and that snacks name is James Potter#dorcas x marlene#everyone loves everyone#except Walburga#we all hate her#fuck that bitch#soft dom steve harrington#Eddie needs someone to shut him up#Eddie is me#I am Eddie#learning about cowboys as cultural exchange#Genna says I need a kilt#I say we all need kilts
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just wanted to let you know that I love ttdl smmm!! it genuinely makes me so excited to see a new chapter update in my inbox! I was wondering if you could answer whether Jily would get together in this series? bc I think the dynamics of not just Sirius, but also Lily having to figure out how to navigate their relationships with James and Regulus while they're on two sides of this three-way war absolutely DELICIOUS!!! ty for writing this fic! â„ïž
*bangs gavel* THERE SHALL BE JILY AND IT WILL BE HECKIN COMPLICATED
#evan's already clocked it#but lily's still in DENIAL evan SHUT UP#regulus has not clocked it because he actively avoids james potter#and thus has very few opportunities to see him and lily interacting#i find jily very interesting#sirius and lily to each other re james: nobody understands me like you do#marlene who just flat out recruited her gf to reg's side: guys. guys just CONVINCE HIM. GUYS.#thank you!!!#dark lord wip#should i make an inbox tag
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okay no real question here: how the fuck was marlene planning on distributing this vaccine when she could barely get herself to salt lake cityÂ
#tlou spoilers#ive seen three posts anti-joel's decision#marlene admits they struggled getting there to the hospital when joel wakes up#there was no way in hell she was successfully administrating a cure#A CURE IN WHICH THEY ONLY SAID THEY THINK WILL WORK#anyway one day ill shut up about this but its probably not tonight#the last of us
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finally started watching TLOU and when Tess says âhe answers to meâ mhhmmm queen shit, you love to see it
#i want that dynamic for jyn and cass#and when marlene says i know what you're both capable of#and ellie says what are they capable of?#THAT TOO THANKS#my other thoughts: i feel like the show is gonna make me care about joel more than the game did#which is great but also bad for me#and after all these years it might just be what finally gets me on the pedro pascal bandwagon lmao#also yeah i only watched the first episode so far but very much lived up to the hype#im excited to see the rest#shut up sissi
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dorlene headcanons because guess what? itâs dje again!
marlene has two favourite past times, and those are laying with her head on dorcasâ lap and annoying dorcas all day long (dorcas finds it entertaining)
marlene, despite living far from dorcasâ home(town), always makes time to visit islington during the summer, and they always go for a walk and a shopping trip down camden passage
always give each other little gifts, especially after they come back home from their summer holidays. they both have gift giving as one of their main love languages
make fun of each other all the time. their relationship is very based on banter, but theyâre never serious about what they say
one of dorcasâ hobbies is making jewellery, and always gives marlene some of it. marlene likes cooking (although sheâs not great at it), and loves baking sweets
marlene used to hate it when someone (mostly james) snuck dorcas in the gryffindor parties, but soon enough she was the one doing the sneaking (she successfully managed to sneak dorcas in her dorm, too, a multitude of times)
the kind of people who snog literally everywhere, but especially down shady, dark corridors
both of them have a high alcohol tolerance, so whether they and their friends are drinking or going to a bar, theyâre always the ones who donât pass out or get hungover (james, too, but only because he doesnât drink)
the few moments they have together during the war, they smoke. there is a sanctity in the quiet of the night, when the only noise is their sighs
#i literally love them so much they hold a special place in my heart#my favourite ship#literally my favorite thing ever#anyways i shall shut up#marlene mckinnon#marlene mckinnon headcanons#dorcas meadowes#dorcas meadowes headcanons#dorlene#dorlene headcanons#dorlene july event#dje#headcanons
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OH YEAH last night i watched the last of us show!! I WONT POST SPOILERS OR ANYTHING but...i will say that it exceeded my expectations by a lot, and that marlene's actress getting re-casted was the best thing that has ever happened to me
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so far in the devil wears an angel's face, we have had remus pov, we have had james pov, we have had dorcas pov... guess who's time it is now???? marlene mckinnon.
lil extract from the next chapter:
Why would Sirius befriend two human vampire hunters? Because theyâre an idiot, Marlene decided. Sirius Back was the stupidest, suicidal, reckless, dumbass that did not think about their best friendâs feelings and uncontrollable bloodlust.Â
They turned her. They were responsible for the fact Marlene wanted to, no needed to, bite into the humans' necks. It was utterly irrelevant that she had asked them to turn her, because they could have refused and she wouldnât now be sitting here, using every last shred of her self restraint to stop from lunging at Siriusâ new boyfriend. They should be thanking her really. And yet, instead, Sirius was unreasonably glaring at her. Glaring at her! They shouldnât be glaring at her! And the fact they think a simple glare from the unscariest vampire ever would refrain her. The only reason she isnât trying to bite them has nothing to do with Siriusâ 'oh so terrifying' glare, and everything to do with the fact that their hunter boyfriend is packed full of weapons ready to kill her and heâs wearing a jacket that she canât get her teeth through.Â
She had to admit heâs smart. Much smarter than James; not a weapon on him and his entire collarbone is on display. As if he wants her to bite him. But she wonât. Lily and Regulus would probably kill her... and theyâre a lot scarier than Sirius.Â
The prick.
#im having so much fun with this chapter. marlene's a lil bitch just constantly thinking about biting people and making out with dorcas.#i love her.#my brain writing remus chapters: shut up. shut up. you suck. you're such a hypocrite. go make out with sirius already.#my brain writing james chapters: you need to be funnier. you need to be dumber. the himbo is himbo-ing yet. how do i write you?????#my brain writing dorcas chapters: im in love with you. do what you want. man you're angsty. did i do that??? sorry i promise i love you <3#my brain writing this marlene chapter: haha đ blood.#marauders era#marauders#the devil wears an angel's face#wolfstar fic#marauders fic#tdwaaf#marlene mckinnon#sirius black#my fics
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rewatching tlou show and I think the exchange between Marlene and Ellie on Riley is super interesting actually. Ellie says something about the fireflies being terrorists and Marlene shoots back with âterrorists, really? was Riley a terrorist?â ignoring that itâs kinda fucked to bring her up rn like. yeah. she is. by definition. I think itâs so interesting the way it weaves into all the central themes of the show. yes Riley is a terrorist and no the fact that we love her and have seen a different side to her doesnât negate that. Marlene is clearly trying to have Ellie see them as less foreign and trying to get her to give them a shot by associating themselves to someone she cares about but. literally none of that matters
#thereâs another discussion as to whether you want to fall the fireflies terrorists#I donât think itâs that far off#but even if it was#also literally the only reason it shuts Ellie up is because Riley died literally 14 days ago#Marlene. Kind of sucks#tlou#mine
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Im getting actually mad about it now.
#SHUT THE FUCK UP.#SHUT THE FUCK UP. BE NORMAL ABOUT WOMEN COMIC BOOK CHARACTERS#Im just not looking at the subreddit for a second theres some kind of anti marlene trend there right now.#Pysop to get me specifically upset
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um i think i need this fic printed and bound into a novella (i looked it up actually the word count to this falls within the range for a novella that is just amazing babe!!!)
Tulips
Pairings: Sirius Black x Fem!Reader, Remus Lupin x Fem!Reader
Summary âż After finding out Remus Lupin has found himself a girlfriend, a devastated Y/n L/n asks Sirius Black to help her get over him. Except Sirius has feelings for her.
Warnings âż Language, unrequited love, angst, kissing, jealousy, reader wearing lipgloss and a dress, mentions of anxiety. If there's more let me know!
Word Count âż 20.3k
A/N đ This was my first ever series, but I've decided to repost it as a oneshot!
BONUS SMUT
Your affection for Remus had begun almost from the moment you met him. For nearly five years, you found yourself quietly drawn to him. How could you not be? His tranquil and caring nature had eased your anxieties countless times. His unwavering loyalty to both his friends and his studies never ceased to amaze you. The bravery he exhibited each month, whether he acknowledged it or not, left you in awe. With Remus, you always felt secure, as if nothing could disturb your sense of safety.
Monday nights marked your routine study sessions with Remus, a tradition since the start of sixth year. Arriving promptly at his dorm, you were met with unsettling moans seeping from beneath the door, causing your stomach to plummet. Frozen in shock, you raced through possible explanations, with Sirius seeming the most plausible culprit. Surely, Remus wouldn't forget your study night, and the thought of another girl seemed inconceivable. As you turned around, anxiety coursing through your veins, you collided with Sirius, tears welling up in your eyes.
"Please tell me itâs James in there." You pleaded, the desperation clear in both your tone and your expression, causing Sirius' heart to sink. Knowing James was at practice, he couldn't bring himself to shatter your hope. Instead, he grasped your hand firmly and practically pulled you towards your dormitory. Despite the chaos of emotions, Sirius made sure to shield you with his own body, warding off any prying eyes curious about the tears streaming down your cheeks.
"Are any of your roommates here?" Sirius inquired as he halted in front of your dormitory door.
"No, Lily is staying the night at your dorm with James, and I think Marlene is staying with Dorcas." You responded, your voice tinged with sadness as you used your sleeve to dab at the tears staining your cheeks. Leading the way inside, you guided Sirius into your room, where he realized it was his first time seeing your personal space. Until now, you and Remus had been inseparable, leaving no room for Sirius to spend time alone with you.
He found himself a tad nervous, the proximity to you unnerving him in the best possible way. As he stood in your dormitory, the faint scent of your favorite perfume lingering in the air, Sirius couldn't help but feel a flutter in his stomach. It was an unfamiliar sensation, being so close to you without the familiar presence of Remus nearby.
"It wasnât James and Lily in there, was it?" Sirius turned to you, his expression filled with concern as he observed you sitting on your bed, visibly holding back tears, awaiting his response.
"No, angel." He replied softly, his voice tinged with empathy as he moved to sit beside you. A sigh escaped his lips as he settled onto your bed. Sirius knew James's schedule all too well, and he was certain that James was still down at the Quidditch pitch, far from the dorm.
Everything about your side of the room was perfectly you. Your desk was adorned with stacks of books, polaroids capturing cherished memories with friends pinned to the wall, and one of Remusâ sweaters casually draped over the back of your chair. Yet, amidst the familiar sights, a small glass vase seized his attention. Within it, a single red tulip, a gift he had given you a few weeks earlier.
As he strolled around Black Lake with the boys, he stumbled upon the patch of flowers, and instantly, he knew it was meant for you. Knowing how much you adored flowers, often doodling them in the margins of your Potions notes while seated beside him, he couldn't resist picking it. James, catching sight of the flower, declared that Lily deserved an entire bouquet.Â
You werenât taken aback when James Potter interrupted your study session with Lily by presenting her with a stunning bouquet of flowers. However, what did catch you off guard was Sirius' gesture: placing a single red flower delicately on top of your open book and sending you a playful wink.
"âMâlady." He had murmured, and at that moment, your cheeks ignited with a warmth you had never felt before.
Lily filled the remainder of your study session with talk of how a red tulip symbolized a declaration of love while you simply laughed in response.
Sirius glanced over at you, noticing the tear-filled gaze fixed upon your hands as you sat on the bed. He hesitated, the weight of his words hanging in the air. "I didnât know you had feelings for him." he finally admitted, his tone tinged with surprise.
You offered a soft laugh tinged with a hint of sadness. "I guess that means Iâm good at hiding it then. Itâs been a good couple of years now. Probably started the very first day I met him, honestly," you confessed, a bittersweet smile gracing your lips.
"Iâm sorry, angel." Sirius expressed, his voice laced with genuine remorse.
A gentle shake of your head followed. "You donât have to be sorry," you reassured him, your voice carrying a tone of acceptance intertwined with a hint of resignation.
"I couldâve given you a heads up," Sirius grimaced as your head whipped up to look over at him, the gravity of his words sinking in. "Heâs been seeing this girl for weeks. Heâs going to ask her out soon."
"Sirius-" you began, your voice carrying a mixture of surprise and concern.
"Iâm telling you this not to be mean, but so youâre not blindsided when it happens." Sirius continued his tone earnest yet tinged with regret.
This time, you remained silent, your gaze drifting over to the polaroid displayed prominently on your bedside table. In the photo, you and Remus sat beneath a tree, his arm wrapped around you in a protective embrace while your head rested gently on his shoulder. The memory of that day flooded back â discussing a book, laughter filling the air, and Lily insisting on capturing the moment in a photograph.Â
At the end of the day, with a knowing smile, she handed you the polaroid. The setting sun cast a beautiful glow upon the photo when you held it in your hand.
"Câmere," Sirius demanded softly, his voice a gentle command meant to pull you away from the intensity of the picture. He positioned himself against the headboard, arms open wide for you to find solace in. Without hesitation, you crawled into his embrace, nestling against his side. His arms enveloped you, offering comfort and warmth as he planted a tender kiss atop your head.
"What can I do?" Sirius inquired quietly, his gaze fixed on the tears tracing down your cheeks and staining his shirt.
"Help me get over him. Please." You pleaded, the vulnerability in your voice bared as you sought comfort and support from him.
.·ă.·ăâ·.·â«Â·ă·ă.
"Where the hell have you been? You nearly missed breakfast!" James exclaimed, his eyes scanning over your disheveled appearanceâyour hair in disarray and your clothes creased. It was a rare sight to see you, typically impeccably put together and five minutes ahead of everyone else, arriving late and looking rumpled. He chose not to mention the dark circles under your eyes or the absence of your usual cheery smile. He knew better than to bring that up.
Upon sensing Remus's scrutinizing gaze, you cleared your throat nervously and averted your eyes, unwilling to let him figure out that he was the cause of your disheveled appearance.
âRough night.â That was simply put. In fact, last night had been incredibly rough, leaving you worse for wear this dreary morning. Cuddling with Sirius comforted you for so long before you were back to crying your heart out. He was kind enough to hold you the entire time, and eventually, you had both fallen asleep. There had been no discussion on what you meant last night about having him help you get over Remus. You didnât know what you had meant by it either.
You grimaced as the memory flooded back, choosing to sit beside Sirius instead. He wouldnât admit it in front of the boys, but he was well prepared to knock one of them over if they tried to sit next to him. After the trying night you'd endured, he made it a point to ensure you felt at ease and understood that he was there for you should you need anything. Normally, you occupied the seat next to Remus, with Sirius seated beside James and Peter. However, given the circumstances, he understood that you wouldn't feel comfortable sitting next to Remus that morning.
James' gaze darted between the two of you, noting the departure from your usual seating arrangement. He stole a quick glance at Remus, who seemed intent on studying you. "Hmm. Why is it that Sirius has been quiet all breakfast, and now you are too?" he quipped, breaking the silence.
"Sod off, mate." Sirius grumbled, pushing a steaming cup of tea toward you. Despite the gruff remark, he offered you a sweet smile before returning his attention to his meal. Even though the gesture was minimal, it made you want to burst into tears. The fact that he remembered your favorite tea and how you liked it meant more to you than words could express. Remus, however, frowned at the cup of tea sitting in front of you, his expression troubled.
âWhat? I canât make conversation this beautiful morning?â Jamesâs tone was still incredibly upbeat, unlike those around him. Peter hummed in agreement, his mouth full of cereal and unable to respond properly.
"It's storming." Remus mumbled, his gaze still fixed on you, sensing that something was amiss as you avoided meeting his eyes. Usually, you sat next to him, cheerily chatting about another book you had read together.
"Are you implying a storm isn't beautiful? Because I happen to think-"
"James, let's just have a quiet breakfast this Tuesday morning." Sirius interjected, surprising James with the interruption. James opened his mouth to protest, but the seriousness in Sirius's expression halted him mid-sentence. Sirius's deliberate interruption was aimed at signaling to Remus that he had missed your study night. It served its purpose, prompting Remus to acknowledge the missed study date.
"Oh, fuck. Y/n, Iâm so sorry! Last night, our study night, I totally forgot," Remus blurted out, his words rushed and filled with regret as he watched your reaction. You simply shrugged and sipped your tea, avoiding direct eye contact with him. You kept your gaze fixed on your plate, knowing that meeting Remus's eyes would likely trigger another wave of tears.
"No big deal." You replied casually.
"Uh," Remus furrowed his eyebrows, his expression a mixture of concern and confusion as he searched your face for any sign of distress. However, your demeanor remained inscrutable, your face a mask of blankness. "Are you sure? I know you really wanted to study this week with your exam coming up-"
You finally met Remus's gaze, sitting up a bit straighter, "I was able to study, Remus, it's fine."
"You were? But uh-" Remus scrambled for words, uncertain how to navigate this tense exchange. He couldn't recall a time when you sounded so curt with him before.
"Sirius helped me." You interjected, your voice steady but tinged with an underlying tension.
James sputtered out a laugh, his gaze darting between you and Sirius. "He helped you study? Willingly?"
In reality, studying hadn't been the main agenda of the night. Before drifting off to sleep, you had hastily handed Sirius your flashcards from the nightstand, however, your pounding headache from crying rendered you unable to focus properly during his quizzing. So, technically, he did help you study, albeit minimally.
Peter raised his eyebrows, his tone laced with curiosity, "Is that where you were all last night? Studying?"
You squirmed uneasily at Peter's implication. Sirius shot James and Peter a sharp glance, silently urging them to stop talking.
Remus's lips parted in surprise as he shifted his gaze from Sirius to you. "He stayed the night with you?" His tone carried a hint of displeasure that didn't escape Sirius's notice. Despite himself, a slight sense of satisfaction flickered within Sirius at Remus's reaction.
Before anyone could respond, a pretty Ravenclaw leaned over Remus, enveloping him in a hug as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Rem, I thought you were going to try and sit with me this morning." She murmured.
Your body tensed at the sight of her; she was the girl from last night. A surge of jealousy, unlike anything you had ever experienced before, washed over you, catching you off guard. Your appetite vanished.
"Uh, sorry. I had to work on some things this morning and got a bit distracted." Remus's response came with a hint of discomfort, his apology tinged with unease. As you observed the exchange, you couldn't quite determine if his discomfort arose from her presence or the attention their interaction garnered. Quietly, you wished it leaned more towards the former.
Her lips formed a pretty pout, âHm.â
James unabashedly observed the pair while taking a bite of his toast. "You know, Remus, if you ever need relationship advice, Iâm here," he remarked, his tone teasing. Remus scowled in response, clearly unamused, while the girl giggled and tightened her grip around him, seemingly unfazed by James's comment.
You stole a glance at Sirius, momentarily tuning out the conversation to observe his reaction to the scene unfolding before you. Sensing the unease gnawing at your stomach, you instinctively reached for Siriusâ hand, which rested on his thigh. As soon as your fingers brushed against his, he responded by intertwining them with yours, his eyes meeting yours in silent understanding.
"Do you want to go?" he whispered softly, squeezing your hand in reassurance. Unable to trust your voice, you simply nodded in response. He released your hand momentarily, a fleeting disappointment washing over you until you watched as he effortlessly grabbed your bag and slung it over his shoulder. With a tender gesture, he reached for a muffin, noticing that you had hardly eaten.
Then, extending his hand towards you, he silently offered his support. Amidst James's lively conversation with the Ravenclaw girl and Remus's contemplative gaze, Peter looked on with a puzzled expression as Sirius extended his hand to you, a silent invitation to leave the discomfort behind.
"You donât have to hold my bag." You mumbled, rising to your feet to face him, intertwining your fingers once more. Despite the awareness of the eyes fixed upon the two of you, your focus remained solely on Sirius.
"I wanted to, angel." Sirius replied softly, meeting your gaze with warmth. The genuine smile that graced your face was the first of the morning, and Sirius felt as if he had won the lottery.
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"Y/n." His voice sliced through the air, causing you to freeze mid-sentence. But deep down, what had you truly expected? That he wouldnât approach you while you were quietly engrossed in your book in the common room? Your plan of avoiding him for as long as possible wasnât unfolding as smoothly as you had hoped.
"Hi, Rem.â You responded softly, offering a genuine smile. Despite the ache that lingered from witnessing him with the Ravenclaw girl at breakfast, you couldnât deny the bond you shared. After all, he was still your best friend. You couldnât fault him for getting a girlfriend, no matter how much it hurt.
Remus settled into the armchair opposite you, his expression earnest. "I didnât really get to talk to you much this morning," he began, his tone gentle.
You offered a nonchalant shrug, hoping to conceal the nervousness. "Oh. I mean, I wasnât in much of a mood for chatting," you replied, attempting to maintain a façade of composure, though inwardly, you were anything but.
"Is everything alright? Is this about missing last night? I promise that I didnât mean to, truly," Remus continued, his sincerity evident. Leaning forward, his eyes bore into yours, practically pleading for your forgiveness. Despite your resolve, his sincerity tugged at your heartstrings, and you found yourself wavering.
"Iâm not upset about you missing our study night; I understand that things come up." You reassured him as though you were anything truly fine. There was a squeeze in your heart at remembering Remus with another girl, a stark reminder that she wasn't you.
Remus visibly relaxed at your words. "We could reschedule it?" he suggested, his tone hopeful.
A heavy silence settled between you. How were you supposed to tell him that you didn't want to reschedule? That you weren't ready to spend time alone with him right now? Being around him now, knowing you had no chance, felt like a punch to the gut.
"There you guys are!" Jamesâ voice carried throughout the common room, effectively gaining more attention than he had probably intended. Sirius stood right beside him, his gaze already fixed on you. Peter was notably absent, likely engrossed in his studies elsewhere. Nevertheless, you welcomed the distraction.
James huffed as if he had been greatly inconvenienced. "We have been looking everywhere for you guys."
You couldn't help but laugh, "You didnât think to check the common room first?"
"Y/n, please. Donât be ridiculous." James quipped as he dropped into the armchair beside Remus. Remus's gaze lingered on you for a moment longer before he sighed and turned his attention to James. Soon enough, they were engrossed in their own conversation.
Sirius settled into the spot next to you, casually draping an arm over the back of the couch just behind your shoulders. As you leaned into his side and offered him a smile, he felt his cheeks flush with warmth. Your affectionate gestures toward him had always been present, but after last night, they seemed to intensify.
Your proximity never failed to make his heart skip a beat, and his stomach flutter. Despite his confidence in hiding his involuntary reactions to you, lately, it seemed more challenging for him to do so.
He greets you with the softest smile, his eyes reflecting warmth. "Hi, angel," he murmurs gently. Sirius had always affectionately called you angel, a term that secretly held a special place in your heart, one of your favorite things about him.
"Hi." You respond, a matching smile adorning your features, mirroring the comfort in his presence.
"I never got to thank you for last night." You admit, your tone filled with gratitude.
Shaking his head modestly, he insists, "You donât have to thank me."
"It made me feel better having you there with me, so of course I want to thank you." You express earnestly, your appreciation evident in your words.
Sirius leans in, his breath tickling your ear as he whispers, "We still gotta talk about what you meant last night. By asking me to help you get over him."
Feeling a flush of embarrassment, you sputter out a response, "Iâm not entirely sure what I meant. I figured you would know how to go about that."
"Why would I know how to go about that?" Sirius questions, genuine curiosity coloring his tone.
Shrugging, you admit, "I donât know. I just thought you might have. You have way more experience with relationships than I do."
Sirius snorts, a wry grin tugging at the corner of his lips. "I wouldnât call them relationships." he remarks, his mind briefly wandering through the array of flings he'd had in the past few years. None of them had left a lasting impression on him, none of them had made him feel the way you did.
You shrug, a hint of vulnerability in your expression. "Itâs more experience than I have.â
Your voices remain hushed, a deliberate attempt to avoid drawing the attention of James and Remus. Yet, the intimate proximity between you and Sirius could easily spark curiosity on its own. You're practically nestled against his side, his warm breath brushing against your ear as he whispers. To any onlooker, it would seem as though you were lovers, exchanging sweet nothings in a quiet moment of intimacy.
He takes a moment to collect his thoughts, acutely aware of the gravity of his next question. He understands that the answer could severely hurt his feelings, "Are you in love with him?"
Your reaction is swift; you turn to him so abruptly that your noses nearly brush against each other. Sirius silently begs you to linger closer, but you withdraw just enough to maintain a respectable distance. He watches intently as you steal a glance at Remus, your bottom lip caught between your teeth in contemplation.
"No. But, honestly, it probably wouldnât take much for me to fall in love with him." You confess, your words hanging in the air like a weight. Sirius needs a moment to recover, the impact of your admission hitting him harder than he had anticipated, despite mentally preparing himself for it.
You turn back to him, anguish evident in your voice, "How are you supposed to get over someone youâre nearly in love with?" Sirius hears the devastation in your tone, wishing he could convey that he genuinely comprehends that sentiment. However, delving into such explanations would only invite more questions, and that's the last thing he needs right now.
"I donât know, angel." He responds simply, observing as you anxiously pick at your nails.
A quiet lull envelops you both before you speak up again, "I donât think spending all my time with him helps. Maybe I should distance myself a little bit."
"Youâre welcome to spend all that time with me instead." Sirius offers, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer to his side. As you relax into his embrace, you rest your head on his shoulder. For a few precious minutes, you both sit in silence, lost in your own thoughts.
Remus glances over at you, nearly doing a double-take at the display of affection. You have closed your eyes, seemingly oblivious to Remus' stare, but Sirius him. For a brief, tense moment, Remus and Sirius lock eyes, but then James regains Remus' attention.
âSirius?â You ask, the weariness evident in your voice.
âYeah?â
âRemember when you told James to get over Lily that he needed to get under someone else?â Sirius immediately senses the direction of the conversation, and a pang of regret twinges in his chest.
âYes.â
âDo you think that really works?â You inquire, your tone tinged with uncertainty and a hint of desperation.
âFor some people, maybe.â Sirius replies cautiously. He wants to admit that such tactics havenât proven successful for him and probably never will.
You pull away to look at him, your eyes reflecting a mixture of hope and uncertainty, âWould you help me find someone?â
"Thereâs no way in hell Iâm doing that." Sirius responds firmly, his tone leaving little room for negotiation. But before you can protest, he interjects, "Iâll be your distraction."
"How exactly?" Your voice tinged with uncertainty, unsure of what he means.
"However, you need me. I know Iâm not the best study partner, but Iâll run through your flashcards with you whenever you need to study," Sirius offers, his voice softening as he glances from you to Remus. âI know you guys would talk about books a lot, so Iâll read whatever book youâre reading just to discuss it with you. Whatever you want me to do, Y/n, Iâll do it.â
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âYou and Y/n were cozy on that couch,â James comments casually, his gaze fixed on the ceiling from where he's sprawled out on his bed. Sirius glances over his shoulder at him, pausing his furious writing at the desk where he's been hunched over for the last twenty minutes.
âHm. I guess so.â Sirius replies nonchalantly, but his voiceâs a subtle tension.
âAre you sure this is a good idea?â James' tone carries a note of genuine concern, and Sirius immediately feels the weight of his friend's apprehension settling over the room like a heavy blanket.
âWorking on my homework? Yeah, itâs probably my best one yet.â Sirius responds, his tone strained as he tries to maintain composure.
âAbout comforting the girl you love because sheâs in love with your best mate.â James continues, his words cutting through the air like a knife. Sirius freezes, the quill leaving a streak of ink across the paper as his thoughts whirl.
He refuses to turn around and face James, not wanting to see the pitying look he knows will be on his friend's face. Instead, he runs his hand through his hair in frustration, his emotions simmering beneath the surface.
âSurprised you figured it out.â Sirius grumbles, his voice laced with a mixture of defensiveness and resignation. He doesnât want to confront the truth about your feelings for Remus. The mere thought of you falling in love with someone other than him ignites a pang of jealousy in his chest.
He wants to correct James, to insist that you arenât in love with Remus, but it feels futile. The reality is too close for comfort, and he can't shake the feeling of impending loss.
âAbout your feelings? Or hers?â James questions, his head leaning back against his headboard as he studies Sirius, his expression searching.
Sirius climbs onto his bed, letting out a sigh of frustration once his head hits his pillow, the weight of the conversation heavy on his mind. âBoth,â he admits, his voice tinged with uncertainty.
âI didnât notice until today with Y/n. She looked devastated when Adeline was all over Remus. On the other hand, Iâve known youâve had feelings for her for years. The things you do for her, you wouldnât do for anyone else.â James observes, his tone tinged with a mix of understanding and concern.
Sirius doesnât know what to say in response, but deep down, he knows James is right. Heâs always treated you differently, gone the extra mile for you in ways he wouldn't for anyone else. He had just hoped it wasnât so obvious.
James sighs loudly, the weight of the situation hanging heavy in the air, âYou gotta be careful, mate. Youâre gonna get your feelings hurt.â
âIâd rather my feelings be hurt than hers.â Sirius responds earnestly, his voice carrying a hint of determination.
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It was official. Remus Lupin and Adeline Reyes were officially dating. The news didnât come as a surprise; Remus had been bringing her around more often lately. She seamlessly integrated herself into your group dynamic, joining you all at breakfast some mornings and effortlessly engaging in conversation as if she had been there for years. Adeline adeptly kept pace with Siriusâ quick quips and could outwit James with a witty comeback. She was quick to include Peter whenever James unintentionally overshadowed him in conversation and was always eager to discuss the next book you planned to read.
It was horrifically frustrating.
You wanted to dislike her, but deep down, you knew it was just jealousy clouding your judgment. Adeline was undeniably genuine and sweet; you could easily envision yourself becoming good friends with her. However, every time she affectionately pressed her lips to Remusâ cheeks or leaned into his side, it felt like a sharp pang reminding you of your own feelings and the heartwrenching situation you found yourself in.
It left a bitter taste in your mouth. Just a few weeks ago, that was your spot, and you were blissfully unaware of his feelings for another girl. You felt foolish, caught off guard. Was it all in your head? Had you merely romanticized every interaction with him? Built up a scenario that never truly existed?
"Y/n, this is the third time you've spaced out. Are you alright?" Lily's concerned voice broke through your thoughts as she settled beside you on the bed. Despite James's insistence on a get-together downstairs, you found your mind drifting elsewhere. It had been a couple of weeks since Remus and Adeline declared their relationship, and ever since then, your thoughts had been in turmoil.
You shrugged, "I'm okay. I just don't think I'm up for a party tonight."
"You haven't seemed in the party mood for weeks." Marlene remarked, her attention fixed on her reflection as she applied lip gloss. Sensing something amiss, she pivoted abruptly to face you.
"Is this about Remus and Adeline?" Lily's direct question made your stomach plummet.
"I, uhâno." You stammered, feeling as startled as you looked by her inquiry.
"Godric, you're a horrible liar." Marlene remarked, tossing the tube of sparkly gloss onto her bed before striding over to her trunk and flinging it open. "It's okay to miss your best friend. You two are practically glued to each other's sides. I'm sure it's odd not spending as much time with him anymore."
Lily observed the subtle shift in your demeanor as Marlene spoke, although Marlene herself was entirely engrossed in rummaging through her clothes until she emitted a satisfied hum.
Shoving a floral sundress into your hands, Marlene declared, "Here, you're not wearing your uniform tonight. Wearing something cute will make you feel better." Your fingers traced over the silky material, white with colorful flowers scattered across it. Marlene observed as you held up the dress, eyeing the spaghetti straps and milkmaid top with uncertainty.
"It's winter, Marlene." You pointed out your tone laced with practicality.
"We're inside. But if you do get cold, Iâm sure Sirius would gladly warm you up." Marlene chirped, grinning at your surprised expression.
"Sirius is not going to warm me up." You grumbled as you stood up and headed to the bathroom with the dress in hand. With the door shut, you changed out of your uniform. You had to admit, the dress was pretty. Maybe Marlene was right; wearing something cute would boost your confidence and mood.
"Are you sure? You two have been awfully cozy lately!" Lily's laughter laced her tone as she called through the door. You slipped the dress on, then twisted in front of the mirror to assess how it looked. Concluding that you liked it, you also appreciated how it made you feel slightly brighter. It reminded you of a summer spent in Italy with your parents, where you practically lived in sundresses.
You turn open the door and twirl for the girls, who squeal in appreciation. Marlene snatches the lip gloss she had tossed aside, grabbing at your cheeks to dot some on your lips.
"We havenât been cozy. Weâre just acting like friends do." You mumble, your words slightly muffled from your cheeks being squished.
âBullshit! You never snuggled Peter, never did with James before he got himself a girlfriend,â Marlene turned to wink at Lily. âHonestly, you never did with Remus either. But you and Sirius have been all over each other.â
âWe have not!â You deny it, looking to Lily for support. But she only leans back on her hands and sends you a smug smile.
"The other day, I walked into the common room with James, and you were practically asleep on Siriusâ lap while he read to you.â Lily grins.
âHe was reading to you? Thatâs the cutest thing I have ever heard. Thatâs your love language right there!â Marlene's gasp was filled with awe, and you didn't know how to respond. Because you had indeed fallen asleep on his lap while Sirius twirled a strand of your hair between his fingers absentmindedly as he read Pride and Prejudice to you. You hardly comprehended the story, too focused on Siriusâ voice and his gentle touch. It was the first time in weeks that you hadnât thought of Remus.
âIt was the sweetest thing Iâve ever seen Sirius do.â Lily agreed, nodding in approval. âIâm telling you, he has feelings for you. Iâve thought so ever since 5th year. He pretty much confirmed it when he gave you that red tulip.â
âA declaration of love!â Marlene practically sang, her excitement contagious.
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As you reached the bottom step with Marlene and Lily, you let out a sigh. The common room was bustling, with students scattered everywhere, making the air feel stuffy and warm. You briefly pondered what Jamesâ definition of a get-together was, because this felt more like a full-blown party.
âJames said he invited hardly anyone.â You muttered to Lily, who nodded in agreement.
âHeâs a social butterfly, you never know with him.â Lily replied with a shrug, craning her neck to spot James amidst the crowd. She eventually spotted him near the fireplace, engaged in lively conversation with Sirius and a few other members of the Quidditch team. You allowed Lily to lead you through the throng of people, observing the lively atmosphere around you. Marlene had already disappeared into the crowd, no doubt on a mission to find Dorcas.
You can hear him before you see him: Siriusâ hearty laugh resonates over the music and the crowdâs chatter. It's a remarkable sound, drawing attention effortlessly. And there he is, standing tall next to James by the fireplace, a drink held casually in one hand while the other gestures animatedly as he converses with the guy beside him. Clad in a simple black T-shirt, Sirius exudes a captivating charm, and you can't help but admire how good he looks in the flickering firelight.
Though you'd never admit it aloud, Lily had been onto something. You and Sirius had been spending an increasing amount of time together. True to his word, Sirius had been a genuine distraction from your heartache. The activities you once shared with Remus were gradually being replaced by moments with Sirius.
It was no longer Remus, who you sat next to in the morning. No longer Remus, who you reviewed your flashcards with. No longer Remus, who would sit with you next to Black Lake and chat about your latest book. And no longer Remus, who would hold your hand to calm your anxiety every time you had to speak up in front of the class.
But it wasnât like you had asked Sirius to do any of these things. It was Sirius who had started it, not in an attempt to replace what you had with Remus, but to remind you that he was there for you. That he would do anything to make you feel loved. Sirius wasnât doing any of this because he felt obligated. He did it because he wanted you to know that you werenât alone and that he didnât plan on leaving any time soon.
But there were things that Sirius did that Remus had never done. Every morning, a cup of your favorite tea awaited at your spot next to him. He carried one of your scrunchies in his bag because you could never keep track of them, even offering to tie your hair up for you. Each time he walked around Black Lake, he brought you back a red tulip, which you tucked into the vase on your desk next to the others. You were building up quite the collection.Â
Sirius bursts into laughter, but his mirth is interrupted by James' boisterous greeting. The sudden volume jerks your attention away from Sirius, and you find yourself facing Lily, who offers a halfhearted protest as James envelops her in a bear hug. You brace yourself as James turns his attention to you, lifting you up despite your protests about your dress. After he sets you down, a moment of imbalance is quickly rectified as you feel an arm slip around your waist, steadying you against someone's chest.
"He's had a few too many." Sirius whispers into your ear, his breath sending shivers down your spine. You lean into his embrace, relishing the warmth and familiarity of his touch before turning around to face him.
With your palms pressed against his chest, you offer him a warm smile. "Hi."
He still holds onto his drink, but his pointer finger slips under the strap of your dress, giving it a gentle tug. "This is cute," he murmurs, his voice now hushed compared to the near shouting from a minute ago. His eyes meet yours, and you feel a wave of warmth spread through you. No one has ever looked at you the way he's looking at you right now.
"Thank you." You reply softly, surprised at the tenderness in your own voice. But you know he hears you as he smiles before turning back to the conversation he was having with a few other guys.
Pushing down your disappointment, you adjust the straps of your dress and take a breath, scanning the room for someone else to chat with. However, Sirius surprises you by wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you gently into his side. He continues to talk, his voice much quieter this time, but the three subtle squeezes let you know he's still there if you need him.
Lily catches your eye and mouths, "I told you so."
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You hadn't intended to eavesdrop, it was just a coincidence that you found yourself in the vicinity at that moment.Â
"You know, everyone thought you and Y/n were gonna get together." Peter remarks, nudging Remus in the side. Remus turns to him, likely taken aback. From your vantage point, you can't see their faces, but you recognize their silhouettes. They're seated together on one of the couches, engaged in quiet conversation amid the lively atmosphere of the party. You had briefly slipped away from Sirius to grab a drink, but now you're starting to regret your decision.
"Y/n and I?" Remus's response is laced with surprise, confirming your suspicions. You stand frozen, a few feet away from the couch, feeling your stomach plummet.Â
"Yeah, I think most people thought you already were. I mean, you guys spent so much time together." Peter continues, oblivious to the impact of his words. You try to avoid lingering on the past tense word.
"No, never," Remus hastily interjects. âI donât think I could think of Y/n like that.â His words landed like a heavy blow to your chest. You feel a pang of disappointment and hurt ripple through you, sitting heavy in your stomach. With tears threatening to spill from your eyes, you pivot on your heel and stride purposefully toward your dormitory.
As you navigate through the bustling crowd, your lips utter excuse me, and I need to get through in a mechanical cadence. Each step feels heavier than the last, burdened by the weight of Remus's words and the shattered illusions they bring.
Finally, the door to your dormitory swings shut behind you with a resounding thud, the noise a stark contrast to the chaos of the party below. Alone in the silence of your room, you confront the raw emotions swirling within you, grappling with the harsh reality of unrequited feelings.
Tears blur your vision so severely that you nearly trip over your shoes in your haste to remove them. With trembling hands, you toss the covers over your body, seeking refuge in the soft embrace of your bed. You bury your face into the welcoming embrace of your pillow, heedless of the inevitable mascara stains that will be left behind. A strangled sob escapes your lips, muffled by the sanctuary of your pillow, as you grapple with the overwhelming wave of emotions crashing over you.
The noise of the party downstairs serves as a comforting cloak, allowing you to release your emotions freely and without judgment.
The abruptness with which Remus shut down any possibility of harboring feelings for you cuts deep, like a dagger to the heart. The ache in your chest feels all-consuming, a relentless reminder that you will never be with him. Despite the rational part of your mind knowing that his affection for Adeline precludes any possibility of reciprocating your feelings, the emotional turmoil still wreaks havoc on your fragile heart.
In the solitude of your room, you allow yourself to cry. With each passing moment, the ache in your chest deepens.
"Y/n? Oh, Godric." Lily exclaims, rushing to your side with concern etched across her features. She gathers your hair away from your tear-streaked face, her eyes taking in the sight before her: cheeks flushed and blotchy, mascara-tinged tears tracing down your cheeks, your hair in disarray. She had sensed something amiss when she spotted you hurrying up the stairs, but the depth of your distress caught her off guard.
"Y/n, what can I do? Do you want a glass of water? Can I, uh..." Lily's voice trembles with worry as she looks around the room, searching for anything that might bring you comfort. She's witnessed your tears before, but never like this, leaving her feeling utterly helpless.
"I don't need water. Can you..." Your voice breaks, choked with emotion, making it difficult to articulate your thoughts.
Lily watches as you clutch your pillow tighter, waiting for your next words. "Can I what?" She prompts gently.
"I just need..." You falter, another sob escaping your lips. "Sirius. I need Sirius."
Without hesitation, Lily nods, determined to find Sirius and bring him to your side. As she exits your dorm, you sink deeper into your pillow, allowing the tears to flow freely. Your mind races with questions, grappling with how to face Remus again and feign normalcy.
You're not completely taken aback by his words; the past few weeks have allowed you to gradually accept that Remus may not share your feelings. Yet, processing this realization privately was less painful than hearing his firm denial of any possibility of reciprocation. Perhaps there's a tinge of sorrow in acknowledging this truth, as it signifies a shift in your relationship with Remusâone that might never be quite the same again. Accepting this reality proves to be a bitter pill to swallow.
"Angel," Your body instinctively relaxes at the soothing sound of Siriusâs voice. The pillow is gently drawn from your grip, revealing Siriusâ concerned face as it comes into view. "What can I do? What do you need?" he asks, his tone brimming with genuine concern and care.
Kneeling by the side of your bed, his eyes brim with concern, evoking emotion that threatens to overwhelm you once more. You lie on your side, facing him, your makeup smudged and your eyes swollen from tears. Despite your disheveled appearance, he finds you the most beautiful girl in the world.
"Hold on." He murmurs softly before disappearing into your bathroom. The sound of running water fills the silence, a gentle reminder of his comforting presence. Moments later, he returns with a damp cloth in hand, his touch gentle yet firm as he kneels before you. With tender care, he cradles your jaw, his movements deliberate as he gently wipes away the remnants of makeup from your face, his actions speaking volumes of his unwavering support and affection.
"All clean," he whispers softly, discarding the cloth onto the ground with the intention of dealing with it later. "What do you need?"
"You." You sniffle, tugging gently at his hand to convey your desire for him to join you in bed. Without hesitation, Sirius kicks off his shoes and slips under the covers beside you. With a tender gesture, he reaches out, his hand gently brushing the hair away from your face as he settles in beside you. Your faces hover mere inches apart, a tantalizing proximity that he tries to distract from by focusing on the simple task of brushing your hair away, the urge to kiss you tugging at the corners of his mind.
"Iâm sorry, I didnât mean to pull you away from the party." You murmur apologetically, your gaze meeting his. His eyes snap to yours, a flicker of offense crossing his features.
"I would drop anything for you." He responds earnestly, his sincerity shining through in his words, leaving no room for doubt. A sharp inhale escapes your lips as you stare back at him, the weight of his commitment settling between you.
"What happened, angel?" he asks gently, his eyes reflecting a hint of guilt for prying. As your eyes well up with tears once more, Sirius feels a pang of remorse for pressing the matter. He's about to apologize and suggest forgetting about it when you offer an answer, leaving him momentarily speechless.
"I overheard Peter and Remus." You confess, your voice trembling with vulnerability. Sirius forces down the surge of jealousy that threatens to consume him at the mention of Remus.Â
"Peter told him that everyone thought he and I would get together." You continue, your words hanging in the air, heavy with disappointment and hurt. Sirius listens attentively, his heart aching for the pain etched in your voice.
"Remus told him that he couldnât ever see me like that." You reveal, your voice wavering with emotion. "I know itâs stupid since he has a girlfriend, but-" You pause to draw in a shuddering breath, and Sirius gently brushes away the tears that cascade down your cheeks and over the bridge of your nose.
"It hurt," you confess, the rawness of your emotions laid bare. "That heâs never once seen me the way I have always seen him. Weâve always been just friends, and it sucks." Each word carries the weight of your longing and disappointment.
Sirius sighs, his voice tinged with empathy, "I love Remus, I do, but he can be blind sometimes. So in his head and down on himself that he misses whatâs in front of him. And he truly missed out on the most perfect girl there is. But I promise you that there is a guy out there who will recognize what an angel you are, and he wonât ever let you go."
Your eyes well up with tears again, and Sirius starts to panic that he said something wrong. But then you're wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your head into the crook of his neck.
Your voice is muffled as you speak, "Please stay here with me tonight?"
"Whatever you want, angel." Sirius responds tenderly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, knowing there is no way heâd ever be able to deny you.
.·ă.·ăâ·.·â«Â·ă·ă.
James looks bewildered. "You arenât going to sit with us?" he asks, confusion evident in his voice.
You stand behind your typical spot, observing the boys' reactions as they stare at you as though you've just delivered the worst news imaginable. For years, ever since you had met the boys, you had been sitting with them every day. This spot held a sense of familiarity and comfort, a symbol of your friendship with them. Thus, your decision to sit with the girls today comes as a major surprise.
Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas occupy seats further down the table. While they would occasionally join your circle, especially after Lily and James got together, Lily had once confided in you that she valued having space and prioritizing her friendships, too; she didnât want to spend all her time with James. To everyone's surprise, James had been okay with this arrangement and had even agreed.
âIâm going to sit down the table with the girls. Youâll still be able to see me; we can wave at each other!â You offer James a hopeful smile, but he shakes his head, letting out a dramatic sigh.
Pointing his fork in your direction, James asserts, âItâs not the same, and you know it.â
âSit with us, I feel like I hardly see you.â Remus protests and your stomach sinks as you make eye contact with him. Ever since you overheard Remus tell Peter he didnât have feelings for you, you had been finding every excuse possible to avoid him.
Itâs been a week since the party, and you can now admit that you've successfully avoided any alone time with Remus. By now, it's clear he senses something amiss. Every time he tries to approach you, you have an excuse ready for why you can't study together again or why you can't chat. What's worse is that it's only him you're avoiding. You still engage in normal chats with Peter in the common room and banter back and forth with James as usual. And Sirius, well, you hardly leave his side. Wherever you go, Sirius isn't far away, a constant presence by your side.
Not only that, but it seemed as if you couldn't get enough of each otherâcuddled up on the common room couch, shoulder to shoulder during meals, and always side by side while walking to Black Lake. Sirius and you were growing increasingly closer with each passing day.
It was driving Remus crazy.
He looks at you pleadingly, his expression betraying the torment of seeing you drift away from him. You know his distress can't stem solely from your decision to sit with the girls. He started pulling away first, you think bitterly.
"Just wanted to spend some time with the girls, switch things up." You explain with a casual shrug, feeling a sense of awkwardness creeping over you as you shift on your feet. Remus wears a disappointed expression, while James and Peter appear to have already moved on, engaged in a bickering match over who gets the last orange.
"You've been switching things up quite a bit lately." Remus grumbles under his breath, his voice barely audible over the morning chatter in the dinning hall. Only Adeline catches his words as she pulls away to glance at his face, startled by the bitterness in his tone. Unaware of her scrutiny, Remus remains fixated on you, his expression betraying a mixture of longing and frustration.
"Okay, well, Iâll catch you guys later." You announce with a smile, and at that moment, Sirius glances up at you. He wants to tell you how much he'll miss you. Every morning, he eagerly anticipates the sight of your smile, the way you playfully bump your shoulder into his once you take your spot beside him. Your laughter and sweet smile are the highlights of his morning routine.
He'd gladly join you for breakfast with the girls if you asked.
To everyone's surprise, you sling your arms around Sirius' shoulders and tilt your head forward, looking at him from the side. Caught off guard, Sirius freezes in your embrace, trying desperately not to read too much into your unexpected touch.
"I'll wait for you so we can walk to class together. I'll miss you." You whisper, your lips pressing gently onto his cheek. A faint pink sheen of your lipgloss remains on his skin in the shape of your lips, a subtle reminder of your affection.
Before he can respond, you're already pulling away, leaving Sirius to watch you walk back to the girls. His cheeks flush, his mouth slightly parted in surprise. Remus narrows his eyes at the mark you've left behind while Adeline observes the interaction between Sirius and Remus, sensing Remus's agitation.
James lets out a low whistle. "She'll miss you, will she?" he remarks, his tone laced with amusement and curiosity.
âOh fuck off, mate.â Sirius grumbles before taking a sip of his tea to try and hide his smile.
.·ă.·ăâ·.·â«Â·ă·ă.
You sigh, slumping down in your chair, "I donât think I can handle another flashcard."
Sirius glances up from across the table, finding you lost in contemplation as you stare out the window. It's midday, and the sun's gentle rays illuminate the library, casting a warm glow despite the lingering chill outside. You both share the longing to step into the crisp air outdoors, yet Sirius remained steadfast in his commitment to assisting you with your studies.
"Do you wanna take a break?" Sirius asks, his gaze meeting yours as you glance up from the pile of books and notes spread out before you. Your lips press together, betraying the weight of your internal debate about whether you can afford to step away from your tasks.
"Come on, we can go for a walk." He encourages, his tone gentle yet persuasive as he begins to gather his belongings, preparing to pack his bag.
You concede, âA quick walk.â
The fresh air and the warmth of the sun against your skin felt rejuvenating after spending hours cooped up in the library. Your body ached, and your brain felt numb from the relentless studying. The only thing that kept you going was Sirius, who would slip you pieces of chocolate every time you answered a question correctly. Without him, you would have abandoned your studies hours ago.
As you walk, both of you are enveloped in a quiet tranquility, lost in your own thoughts. It's a comfortable silence, where neither of you feels compelled to fill the gaps with conversation. Instead, you simply bump into each other occasionally, exchanging shy smiles that speak volumes without a single word being uttered.
"Where are you taking me, Black?" You finally inquire, noting the direction as you pass Black Lake. You stroll leisurely, savoring the symphony of birdsong in the trees and the distant chatter of other students gradually fading into the background. Leaves shudder in response to the gentle breeze, prompting you to wrap your robes tighter around your body. Winter is approaching, and the biting chill in the air serves as a stark reminder of the season's impending arrival.
Sirius smiles in response, his expression warm and inviting, "Somewhere I think you'll like."
"Have I been there before?" You cast a glance at him, observing his wind-blown hair, cheeks flushed pink from the cold, and his bottom lip gently caught between his teeth.
"I hope not." He responds honestly, his voice carrying a hint of vulnerability. The possibility lingers, given that the boys are familiar with this field as well. The mere thought of Remus bringing you here tightens his chest. After all, you and Remus often took walks together, so it wouldn't be too surprising if he had.
Would Remus have brought you here, though? Sirius contemplates quietly. He's never heard you mention it, but he knows you would have. You've always cherished exploring the castle and eagerly shared your discoveries with the boys.
Sirius is startled when you suddenly gasp, excitement laced in your tone, "Oh my Godric. Is that a field of tulips?"
Sirius feels his heart swell at the excitement in your voice. Before he can respond, you stride ahead of him, drawn to the swath of red flowers like a magnet. He remains where he stands, content to watch you as you explore the vibrant field.
A pang of longing washes over him as he wishes he had Lily's muggle camera. This moment would undoubtedly be captured and proudly displayed above his desk among his collection of Polaroids.
"C'mere!" You call out excitedly, your hand extended towards him. Sirius grins, his heart lightening at your enthusiasm as he walks over to join you. Once he reaches you, he gladly grasps your hand, feeling a rush of warmth at the connection.
You lead him further into the field, your laughter carrying on the gentle breeze. Finally, you drop into the middle of the sea of tulips, tugging him along with you, and for a moment, the world feels suspended in the beauty of the moment.
Tilting your head towards the sun, you sigh happily. "I didnât know this was here," you remark, your voice filled with wonder.
"Found it with the boys a couple of weeks ago." Sirius responds, his fingers idly twirling a blade of grass he plucked from the ground.
"Did you pick the tulips you gave me from here?" You inquire, your voice soft with curiosity. Sirius nods in response, a faint blush gracing his cheeks as he recalls the memory. He's relieved that your eyes are still closed, blissfully unaware of his flustered state.
For a few minutes, a comfortable silence settles between you both, allowing the tranquility of the moment to envelop you like a warm embrace.
"Can I tell you something?" You ask, tilting your head back down to look at him, your gaze soft yet curious.
"Anything," Sirius replies, his voice filled with warmth and genuine interest.
"I've never been given flowers before. Whenever you give me a tulip, it's the highlight of my day." You admit softly, shifting so you're sitting with your legs crossed, a vulnerable honesty coloring your words.
"You've never been given flowers? Ever?" Sirius questions, his surprise evident in his tone and expression. You shake your head in response, confirming his disbelief.
He can't even fathom it. How could no one ever have given you flowers before? How does the girl who constantly doodles flowers on her notes never receive them? The thought perplexes him, stirring a mix of incredulity and a newfound determination to ensure you receive the appreciation you deserve.
"Guess I'll be making up for that then." Sirius decides, his voice showing determination as he sends you a devastating smile. Your stomach flutters at the sight.
"Sirius." you say softly, drawing his attention.
"What, angel?" He responds, his tone gentle and attentive.
"Thank you. For being by my side through everything." You express with sincerity, your voice filled with gratitude.Â
In the past few weeks, Sirius has been a constant presence by your side. Whenever Remus kissed Adeline, Sirius would offer a comforting touch, silently understanding your feelings. He'd weave silly stories to divert your attention from Adeline's flirtations with Remus, ensuring you never felt alone for even a moment.
He grins in response, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."
âNowhere else, huh?â Your tone is teasing, and Sirius merely rolls his eyes at you, a playful glint dancing in his eyes. You observe him as he picks tulips one by one, gradually assembling a bundle in his hand. Watching him put together a bouquet that you know he will give you fills you with a sense of anticipation. Everything about sitting in a field of flowers with Sirius makes you feel lightheaded as if you're caught in a blissful dream.
Come to think of it, lately, every time Sirius did something for you, it left you feeling dizzy.
"You know it's true. I ditched Hogsmeade this weekend to spend time with you in the library." Sirius says, a hint of amusement in his voice as he recalls the decision.
"That's true, but I did advise you against it. I doubt a day in the library is much of a weekend highlight for you." You reply, raising an eyebrow playfully.
"If you think seeing you surrounded by a field of flowers isn't a weekend highlight, then you're sorely mistaken. Easily a monthly highlight for me." Sirius adds, his eyes sparkling with fondness as he gazes at you amidst the scenic beauty.
âYou flirt.â You giggle, your laughter echoing in the tranquil atmosphere, before reclining on the grass and shutting your eyes.
Sirius' features soften at your playful remark. "Only for my favorite girl," he responds tenderly, his voice carrying warmth and affection as he watches over you.
What started as a short walk stretched into two hours spent in the flower field, immersed in conversation and selecting the loveliest blooms together. By the end, Sirius presented you with a bundle of tulips in various hues. Upon entering your dorm room with the flowers in hand, Lily's gasp was so pronounced that it startled you.
âTell me that Sirius got you those.â
"He picked them for me." You beam, offering the bouquet to Lily for her admiration. "I mean, I helped too, but it was mostly him.â
âWho knew that he was such a romantic?â Marlene gushed, sitting next to Lily on her bed to take a peek.
âI told you heâs into you! Look at these flowers!â Lily cried out, flopping back onto her bed with the flowers pressed into her chest. Marlene laughs from beside her.
You rolled your eyes affectionately, âWe're just friends.â Marlene scoffs.
"No, you're not. That little stunt at breakfast you pulled this morning. Hugging him from behind and kissing him? Definitely not platonic." Marlene remarks, her tone teasing yet observant. Embarrassment floods through you; you hadn't planned on being so affectionate with Sirius; it just happened. You're grateful Sirius didn't bring it up; you probably would have collapsed if he had.Â
"I just kissed his cheek!" you defend, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks.
Lily grins mischievously. "You should've seen how he looked at you when you walked away."
"Totally lovesick!" Marlene exclaims, adding her enthusiastic agreement to Lily's observation.
"Both of you are being ridiculous. He doesnât have feelings for me, and even if he did, I need to get over Remus first." Taking the bouquet from Lily, you stride toward your desk to add them to your glass jar full of other flowers. You're almost out of the room. Soon youâll have to pluck out the ones that are dropping, but you donât have the heart to do it yet.
The girls were fully aware of the situation. You explained to them why you were so upset the morning after the party. There was no way you could have pretended like something wasnât wrong. With Sirius sleeping in your bed and your swollen eyes, there was no hiding anything.
"First?" Lily's voice carries a hint of excitement, exchanging a giddy look with Marlene.
You pivot, leaning against your desk. "What?"
"You said first. Like once you get over Remus, you could see yourself being with Sirius."
"No, I didn't." You protest, embarrassment flooding your stomach.
Marlene's grin widens mischievously as she exchanges a knowing glance with Lily. "Oh, but you did. We both heard you."
A nervous laugh escapes your lips as you playfully roll your eyes, "Oh, fuck off, guys.âÂ
Your friends continue to tease you, their laughter filling the room. Perhaps you were starting to form feelings for Sirius, but you preferred to keep them close to your heart, away from the probing eyes of Lily and Marlene, who always seemed to pick up on every subtle shift in your emotions.
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âThere you are! I was worried sick!â James exclaims as Sirius opens the door to the dorm. Remus glances up from his book, while Peter remains focused on his homework, unfazed by James' dramatics. Sirius, lost in memories of his afternoon with you, barely registers James' words as he flops onto his bed, a goofy smile lingering on his lips.
It's only when James tosses his pillow at Sirius that he snaps back to reality.
âOi! What was that for?â Sirius protests, finally acknowledging James' presence with a bemused expression.
âYouâre ignoring me!â James accuses, crossing his arms.
Sirius stammers, âI wasnât! I was just-â
James interrupts, a mischievous glint in his eyes, âDaydreaming about Y/n? What did you two get up to anyways?â
Remus stiffens, lowering his book to look at Sirius, âYou were with Y/n today?â
Sirius sits back up and exchanges a tense glance with Remus, âYeah, I was.â
He turns to James, âHelped her study a bit.â He neglects to mention the flower field, wanting to keep that memory to himself. Plus, he knows the boys will tease them every chance they get.
James stares at Sirius, incredulity flashing across his face. "That's all? Sounds boring. Should've come to Hogsmeade with us."
Sirius is about to respond when Remus interjects, his tone betraying a hint of disbelief. "I'm sorry. You turned down Hogsmeade to study? With Y/n?" His eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
"Yes." Sirius says plainly.
âIâll ask her to study.â Remus assures, as if that would settle Sirius.
Sirius shrugs, his tone nonchalant. "No need, mate. I've got her."
Remus furrows his brow, considering Sirius's response. "I can still ask her, give her another option," he suggests casually, but there's an undertone of something that Sirius can't quite decipher.
Sirius tenses, meeting Remus's gaze head-on. He's unsure if Remus is hinting at something deeper or if he's simply offering another study option. Nevertheless, Sirius feels a pang of reluctance at the thought of giving up his time with you, even for studying.
.·ă.·ăâ·.·â«Â·ă·ă.
Peter huffed, practically slamming himself on the couch next to you, his frustration evident in the way he dropped onto the couch. âRemus and Adeline are getting on my last nerve.â
James glanced up from where he was sitting across from you, his attention momentarily diverted from the game of cards. His eyebrows raised in curiosity as he observed Peter's demeanor. "They makinâ out in the dorm again?" he questioned, a playful grin tugging at the corners of his lips.
You turn your head to hide your reaction, your stomach churning with familiar discomfort. After nearly two months of their relationship, you still felt uneasy hearing about them together, effectively reminding you of your lingering feelings for Remus.
It would be a lie to say that your feelings for Remus hadnât changed. In fact, you were beginning to notice a subtle shift in your perspective, a gradual easing of the discomfort that once swarmed your chest at the sight of him and Adeline together. That twinge of jealousy you used to feel when looking at them was easing up, instead being replaced by a dull ache in your chest.
You found yourself increasingly preoccupied with thoughts of Sirius, his smile and the memories of your time together occupying your mind more frequently than before. You caught yourself smiling at the little moments you shared, replaying conversations and gestures, finding comfort in the warmth of his presence even when he wasn't around.
Peter shook his head against the cushion, his expression irritated. "No, theyâre bickering. They've been at it for nearly twenty minutes. Couldnât get a damn thing done on this essay.â
James wore a look of surprise as he arched his eyebrow, âTheyâre fighting?â
Peter looked away from the fire to glance over at James blankly, âNo, bickering. Thereâs a difference.â His tone is matter-of-fact and laced with frustration.
âWeâll be quiet, Peter. Work on your essay.â You promise, sending the blond boy a soft smile.
Jamesâ lips curve in a mischievous grin, eyes lit up with amusement, âGuess all relationships have to come out of the honeymoon phase.â He quips, tone playful with satisfaction. Peter sighs, tipping his head back onto the headrest of the couch like he canât take anymore.
âJames, itâs your turn.â You call, the gentle tap of your pointer finger against the cards catches his attention. His eyes flicker down to the cards sprawled between you both before glancing back up at you.
âDid you at least appreciate my pun?â He asks, a hopeful upturn of his lips present.
âIt was wonderful.â You affirm, voice soft as if youâre telling a young child that their artwork is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen.
Jamesâs face lights up with a satisfied smile, and his voice is full of teasing gratitude, âThank you, Y/n. I knew you would have my back.â
âWhat does she have your back about?â Siriusâ voice cuts through the air, his sudden appearance causing you and James to glance over at him. Peter opens one eye as Sirius sits on the couch next to him.
James stares at the cards while debating his next move, âShe appreciates me for who I am. Maybe you should take some notes from her.âÂ
Sirius hardly hears James. Instead, his eyes flicker over to you. He finds himself entranced by the subtle movements of your features, the way your eyebrows furrow in playful impatience as you await James to decide. The glow from the fire is dancing over your face, and he has the urge to reach out and touch your cheek, tracing over where the heat has touched. You look gorgeous like this, drenched in the soft light of the fire and so at ease. The words are at the tip of his tongue, but he swallows them down.
As your eyes meet his, a gentle smile graces your lips, and Sirius feels his stomach flip and heart stutter. Youâre looking at him with so much warmth that you could rival the fire next to you, and he knows he never wants to forget the way youâre looking at him.
Amidst the crackle of the fire and the soft murmurs of the surrounding conversations, itâs then that Sirius is struck by the sudden realization that sends shockwaves throughout his entire body. He is hit with the truth that heâs been avoiding for ages; he is entirely and desperately in love with you.
Sirius grapples with a fact that feels almost suffocating in its intensity. His gaze falls to his lap, the reality of his situation weighing heavily upon him. Heâs in love with a girl who holds feelings for someone else. Not just someone else, but Remus. His best mate, who, as of lately, has shown increasing concern about the nature of your relationship with Sirius. The way he pinches his brows together when you laugh at a joke Sirius makes, the subtle shifts in his demeanor whenever you show Sirius affection- itâs all Sirius can focus on. Remus sees you in a different light, and itâs making Sirius uneasy.
And so, he sits in silence, grappling with the truth that heâs fallen for a girl that will never be his.
âSirius,â You say softly, your hand gently resting atop his, hoping to bring him back from his thoughts. His eyes dart up to meet yours, and you smile softly. âYou okay? Youâre quiet.â
No, he isnât.Â
But instead, he offers a reassuring smile and squeezes your hand, âIâm okay, angel. Just tired.â
âNot too tired to lose to me in cards, are you?â James interjects, sporting a cocky grin and cracking his knuckles in intimidation. âIâm tired of playing with Y/n. She wins every time.â
Sirius laughs, hauling himself off the couch to sit beside you both before shuffling the cards.
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âY/n.â You startle at Remusâ voice, nearly spilling your cup of tea down your front. He sends you a soft smile, sitting beside you on the couch. You set your tea on the table next to you. Sitting up and shifting your legs to the side and underneath you, you make room for him. The way you were stretched out before hardly allowed him any room.
âRem.â You greet him, sending him a gentle smile. The corners of his mouth lift at the nickname; he hasnât heard it for a while.
He leans back against the couch, gaze firm on you, âHow was your day?â His voice is gentle and soothing. His voice was always one of your favorite things about him, always a source of comfort to you.
âItâs been alright, not too much to say about it,â Your left shoulder lifts up into a shrug, and you rest your right arm against the couch to prop your head up. Bodies both facing each other. âHow was yours?â
âJames nearly singed off my eyebrows in potions,â He says amusedly. Heâs got bags under his, and his body seems tired. You cringe when you remember the full moon was just a few days ago.
âNot entirely surprising,â You remark with a laugh, mind trailing to all the times James had proved himself not the best partner. As much as you loved James, his tendency to get distracted had cost you during classes plenty of times before.Â
âHowâs Adeline?â You ask politely, the words coming out with practiced ease despite the uncomfortable feeling in your stomach. Remusâs smile falters, and he lets out a sigh, gaze drifting away from you.
âI donât know.â He admits, hand coming up to run through his hair. He wonât meet your eye.
âYou donât know?â Your brow is quirks in curiosity, and genuine concern is etched onto your features. Memories of Peter complaining about the two bickering flickers back from a week ago.
âSheâs not happy,â Remus confesses, his tone is heavy with resignation. âDisappearing for a couple days doesnât exactly make me boyfriend of the year.â
You nod sympathetically. You understand, if you were in the dark about your boyfriendâs whereabouts for a couple days, you would be upset as well.
âAre you going to tell her?â You asked gently. It felt weird to talk to Remus again after going nearly two months without much interaction. All your time used to be spent with Remus, but Sirius seems to have taken that spot nowadays.
His gaze meets yours as he nervously bites at his bottom lip, he seems apprehensive, âI donât know if she could handle it.â
âRem,â You begin, voice soft and resolute, a reflection of the support you have always offered him. Despite the change in your relationship, your commitment to being there for him remains. âShe deserves to know, especially if the two of you want to be together.â
His brows are pinched tightly together as he wrings his hands together, âWhat if she doesnât take it well? What if she tells-â
You interject gently, âYouâve been dating two months, you should have a feel for how she would react.âÂ
He meets your eye with an uncertainty, âY/n.â
âYeah?â You respond, voice quiet.
âI donât know if I can tell her. I donât think it will be as easy as telling you was.â
âYou shouldnât compare her to me.â
âBut I do.â Remus whispers, the gravity of his admission catching you off guard. His shoulders are hunched over as he rests his elbows on his knees, hands still nervously wringing together as he looks over at you.
Your breath is caught in your throat. You break eye contact to clear your throat, shifting uneasily on the couch.
âAdeline is your girlfriend, and Iâm just your friend. You really shouldnât compare us, Rem. If you want to be with Adeline, you should really think about telling her.â You murmur, truth stinging as it leaves your mouth.
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Marlene sighs, her voice laced with playful incredulity, "Sometimes I wonder how James Potter managed to get you." Sirius barks out a laugh from his spot across from you, his amusement echoing around the room. Lily's mischievous grin widens as she shoots a playful wink at Marlene, enjoying the banter.
"I'm a damn catch, McKinnon!" James retorts dramatically, pulling Lily even closer into his side, the affection between them palpable. Lily leans up to press a kiss on Jamesâ jaw, a tender moment amidst the playful teasing.
"That lapdance you just gave your girlfriend? Horrific." Marlene shakes her head with exaggerated disdain, her expression a mix of amusement and mock disgust.
"If you didn't wanna see it, then you wouldn't have dared me to do it," James fires back with a smirk, the competitive edge still in his tone.
You're all gathered in a circle, indulging in a juvenile game of truth or dare. The boys took charge, rearranging the furniture into a circle so everyone could sit comfortably.
Marlene had insisted upon it, likely hoping to be roped into a dare that would bring her closer to Dorcas.Â
You're seated on one of the couches beside Lily, with James on her other side and Peter beside him. Adeline occupies the space to Peterâs left, seated next to Remus on one of the smaller couches. Sirius has claimed an armchair for himself. Marlene and Dorcas are cozied up in another armchair, much to Marlene's delight over the seating arrangement.
While Remus had yet to tell Adeline about his lycanthropy, he was attempting to make amends with her. You sent him a sweet smile and thumbs up when you saw them walking in together. It was clearly tense between the two, but that was to be expected.
Amidst the laughter and playful exchanges, you had failed to notice the tension simmering between Sirius and Remus, evident in the disgruntled glances they exchanged at being seated next to each other.
James turns to you with a devious grin, âMy sweet Y/n, you will be picking dare.â
âExcuse me? You canât pick for me!â You retort, sending James an incredulous look.
âBut I have the best dare for you!â James insists, leaning closer with a mischievous glint in his eye.
âNo.â You refuse, shaking your head slightly.
âY/n, please.â He pleads, attempting to send you puppy dog eyes. Marlene snorts from beside you.
Lily sighs, âY/n, do the dare. He will beg you all night.â You roll your eyes, letting out a sigh that immediately lets James know you have given in.
âKiss the person you are most attracted to in this room.â Your stomach sinks like a stone, regretting your lack of resistance to James. The group around you comes alive with oohs, except for Remus and Sirius, who sit uneasily, their expressions displaying discomfort.
âAbsolutely not. I canât!â Sirius feels sick. Youâre refusing because you canât kiss Remus- that has to be it.Â
âSorry, canât back out now! Make your way over to the lucky person.â James sounds far too cheery to be sorry.
The tension in the air becomes palpable as everyone awaits your decision. You draw in a deep breath, summoning your courage before rising to your feet and crossing the room toward him. The anticipation is almost tangible as your friends murmur excitedly, their eyes fixed on you.
You come to a sudden halt, feeling your knees bump against his as he instinctively sits straighter in his chair. Sensing your approach, he spreads his thighs slightly, silently inviting you to take the space between them. His demeanor shifts, a mix of anticipation and apprehension evident in his expression.
"Might make it easier if you sit in his lap." Marlene suggests with a mischievous grin, earning a pointed glare from you over your shoulder.
"You can, angel," he murmurs sweetly, reaching out to gently grasp your hand, his touch reassuring and electric.Â
You let out a shaky sigh, feeling a rush of nerves as you ease yourself into his lap, your knees sinking into the cushion and your thighs naturally bracketing his. Ignoring the whistles and playful comments that ring out from your friends, you focus on the warmth of his body beneath you, the steady rhythm of his breath, and the way his hands hover uncertainly before settling lightly on your hips.
"We're waiting!" James calls out, amusement laced in his tone, his eyes sparkling with mischief. Feeling a rush of determination, you gently bring your hand to his cheek, the warmth of his skin sending a shiver down your spine and lowering your head towards his. He's quick to meet you, his breath mingling with yours, noses bumping softly in a moment of sweet anticipation.
He's patient, his breath mixing with yours as he waits for you to make the first move. With a tender touch, you tilt your face closer, feeling the gentle brush of your lips against his in the softest kiss. For a fleeting moment, you both linger there, foreheads pressed together, lost in the momentâs intimacy.
âTell me this isnât because you couldnât kiss him.â His voice is raspy, filled with longing, sending your mind spiraling. His voice is quiet, ensuring that no one will hear him but you.
âYouâre the only one I thought of.â You admit softly, hoping you donât sound nearly as wrecked as you feel.
Sirius surges forward, his lips meeting yours with a passion that catches you off guard, causing a surprised moan to settle in your throat, lost in the whirlwind of sensations and emotions. Your friends' whistles and hollers fade into the background, overshadowed by the intensity of your focus on Sirius.
Your fingers weave through his hair, a silent plea to draw him closer, to merge the space between you. His hand glides from your hip, settling tenderly against your cheek, his thumb tracing gentle circles across your skin. When you roll your hips involuntarily, Sirius lets out a tortured groan and your blood simmers.
"Okay, okay! We've seen enough!" James hollers, his voice breaking you both out of the moment. As James's voice echoes through the air, you part from Sirius, the gravity of what you have both just done settles in. Your chests heave in unison, lips swollen from kisses and cheeks flushed.
Frozen, you and Sirius sit there, stunned, oblivious to the teasing of your friends. The air crackles with tension as you both lock gazes, the desire to lean in and kiss him again overwhelming you.
.·ă.·ăâ·.·â«Â·ă·ă.
Your mind remains frazzled in the aftermath of kissing Sirius. No matter how much you attempt to push it away, it's as though your body stubbornly clings to the memory of his lips upon yours, as if you're still nestled in his lap, feeling the gentle pressure of his hands on your hips. Both of you exchanged shy smiles as you gently slid off his lap, yet inside, your stomach churned with disappointment at the prospect of returning to your previous seat. Truthfully, you wanted to linger longer, to settle beneath his arm, and remain close to him.
In all honesty, Remus didn't even flicker into your thoughts when James issued his dare. The realization of this truth sends a shiver down your spine. When had Sirius managed to steal the place in your thoughts that Remus had held for so long?
Perhaps it was in the way he had cared for you like no one else ever had.
The sight of a steaming cup of tea, reliably waiting for you in your designated spot at the table. Even when he could have been enjoying himself in Hogsmeade, he chose to stay behind and help you study, just because you mentioned not having Remus to study with. And the simple yet heartfelt gesture of presenting you with fresh tulips just because you mentioned you had never gotten flowers before.
How had you moved on from Remus without even noticing? Perhaps that subtle ache in your chest whenever you glanced at Remus and Adeline stemmed from the change in friendship between you both. Maybe those tear-filled initial weeks spent with Sirius comforting you were a form of grieving the relationship that could never be with Remus.Â
While Sirius helped you to get over Remus, he had been gently guiding you toward developing feelings for him instead without even realizing it.
After watching your kiss with Sirius, Remus withdrew from the game entirely. The memory of your intimate moment with Sirius replayed incessantly in his mind, each repetition adding to the sting in his chest. In a fleeting moment of vulnerability, he had allowed himself to entertain the hope that it might have been him you chose to kiss. However, the presence of Adeline at his side swiftly extinguished that flicker of optimism, leaving him feeling profoundly disappointed and conflicted with himself.
The sight of Sirius enveloping you in his arms, and the undeniable chemistry between the two of you, stirred a thick feeling of dread in his stomach.
Each soft kiss, each exchanged glance, seemed to intensify the bitter pang of jealousy gnawing at his insides. It was as though a veil had been lifted, revealing a reality he had been trying to denyâthe depth of his feelings for you. And the realization that he might lose you for good.
"Remus! Truth or dare?" Dorcas inquired, her eyes alight with mischief.
Remus let out a resigned sigh; he wasn't particularly in the mood to deal with a dare.
"Truth," he replied, hoping for a relatively simple question.
Dorcas wasted no time in posing her question, a soft smile playing on her lips. "Who was your first big crush?"
The simplicity of the question drew an immediate protest from James. "Lame!" he squawked, his tone dripping with dissatisfaction. "Ask him something better."
Marlene swiftly came to Dorcas's defense, her voice laced with defiance. "Back off, James," she retorted sharply. "She can ask whatever the hell she wants,â She bit out before turning to Dorcas. âGreat question, love." Her words sounded entirely lovesick.
"Uh, my first big crush was Y/n." Remus confessed, his gaze darting toward you, eager to gauge your reaction amidst the tension. However, he failed to notice the subtle tensing of Adeline beside him, her expression morphing into one of disbelief as his words hung in the air.
Your brows furrowed, a mixture of confusion and frustration etched across your features as you processed Remus's unexpected admission. The weight of his words lingered, casting a palpable awkwardness over the group as you responded with an unimpressed look.
Sirius felt a surge of nausea rising within him, his gaze narrowing at Remus before anxiously darting over to you, waiting with bated breath to see how you would react to Remus's unexpected confession. Each second felt like an eternity as he searched for any sign of your thoughts or emotions, his heart pounding in his chest with a mixture of dread and anticipation.
As he watched your expression carefully, Sirius couldn't help but wonder what you were thinking. Were you filled with hope at his confession? Did you still want him?
âThatâs not funny, Rem.â You retort, sending him an entirely unimpressed look.
âIâm not joking.â He insists, his voice has a hint of vulnerability in it. Adeline sends him an incredulous look, but his eyes are solely trained on you.
âThatâs bullshit.â You countered, your voice laced with frustration as you pushed back. The tension between you and Remus was palpable, your friends watching both of you carefully. Unsure if they should intervene or not.
âItâs not. Started fourth year, I liked you for years.â Remus confesses, hand tugging through his hair in frustration.
âYou said you would never have feelings for me.â Your brows are pinched in disbelief, your voice filled with hurt and frustration.
Remus looks entirely confused, âWhat are you talking about?â
âWith Peter! At the party like a month ago.â You exclaim, memory fresh in your mind. While your feelings for Remus may have faded, the pain from his words hadnât.
Remus shakes his head slowly, eyes searching yours for understanding, âI never said that, love.â
âYou did. You told Peter, âI donât think I could ever think about Y/n like that.ââ You reiterated, your voice tinged with disappointment as Remusâs expression faltered, his own words echoing back to him.
âYou didnât hear the rest then.â He says, his voice filled with regret and desperation for you to understand.
Your frustration has bubbled to the surface, âOh, great. So glad I didnât stay to hear you continue about how awful it is that everyone thought we would end up together.â Your words are a mixture of sarcasm and hurt
"Y/n, I-" Remus began, his voice trailing off as you cut him off with a sharp interruption.
"Do you know what that feels like? To hear your best friend talk about you with so much disgust?" you demanded, the hurt evident in your voice as you confronted him head-on.
"I wasnât disgusted!" Remus protested, his own frustration rising to meet yours. "You didnât hear the rest!" he insisted, his tone tinged with desperation as he struggled to convey his side of the story.
"What else did you say?" It was Adeline who broke the tense silence, her voice cutting through the air like a knife. Remus's gaze shifted to her, startled by her sudden interjection. Her expression was one of disbelief, her brows furrowed and her arms crossed tightly over her chest, a silent testament to her own confusion and dismay at the unfolding situation.
"I said I didnât think I could think about you like that because of-" Remus's voice faltered, his words hanging in the charged air. You leaned forward, your frustration palpable as you awaited his explanation, your gaze unwavering as you demanded clarity.
"Because of what, Remus?" You pressed, the tension thickening with each passing moment. Remus's eyes darted briefly to Sirius, a flicker of hesitation betraying his inner turmoil, but you caught the movement.
Sensing the rising tension, you glanced over at Sirius, who watches Remus with a tense look. His expression carried a silent message. Urging Remus to choose his words carefully.
âDonât you fucking dare.â Sirius grits out, his voice laced with a raw edge of warning. Remus's uncertainty is evident as he grapples with what heâs just implied.
âDo you still have feelings for her?â Adeline's voice trembles with devastation as she poses the question, her heart laid bare in the vulnerability of the moment. Sirius's reaction is immediate; he stands up abruptly, his movements tense with unspoken frustration as he strides towards the stairs, refusing to linger for Remus's response.
âSirius.â You call out desperately, rising to your feet swiftly to intercept him. He starts heading for his dorm, but you gently grab his wrist and guide him toward yours instead. Without a word, he follows your lead until you reach your door, both of you stepping inside quietly.
Sirius doesnât utter a word, his silence filling the space between you as he leans back against your door. His head tilts upward, his gaze fixed on the ceiling as if searching for answers in its expanse.Â
You step closer, closing the distance between you, your footsteps echoing softly in the quiet room. With a gentle touch, you place your hand on his cheek, a tender gesture designed to draw his attention back to you. You find yourself more preoccupied with Sirius than the recent events downstairs. Dealing with the situation involving Remus can wait; at this moment, your main concern is resolving things with Sirius.
He lets out a sigh, the weight of his emotions palpable as he drops his gaze from the ceiling to meet yours. "I'm sorry," he murmurs, his voice laced with a mixture of remorse and vulnerability.
You can't help but laugh incredulously at his apology, the sound carrying a blend of surprise and amusement. "What are you sorry for?" You inquire, your tone gentle yet tinged with curiosity, as you search his eyes for the answer.
He sighs, âThat you found out this way.â
âAbout what?â You both know that you already know the answer but that you just want him to say it.
âAbout Remusâs feelings for you, about my feelings for you.â Sirius admits, his voice soft as he swallows harshly.
You take a deliberate step closer to him, closing the gap between you with a sense of purpose. "And what are your feelings for me?" you repeat, your tone carrying a playful lilt, a silent challenge lingering in your words, daring him to bare his heart to you.
"Y/n," he pleads softly, his hands instinctively finding their place on your hips, drawing you closer to him just an inch. âRemus pretty much spelled it out, didnât he?â
"I donât want to hear it from Remus, I want to hear it from you.â You assert, your voice tinged with determination as you press closer to him. His eyes flit down to the diminishing space between your bodies.
He sighs, a soft exhalation laden with unspoken emotions, âYou drive me crazy.â He confesses, shaking his head in gentle disbelief. A grin spreads across your face, your heart lightening at the familiar banter between you.
"Yeah? Is that all?" you tease, a playful glint in your eyes as your arms rise to encircle his neck, drawing him closer.
His gaze softens, a hint of vulnerability shining through as he meets your eyes. "Iâm crazy about you, have been since the moment I met you." He confesses, his voice filled with sincerity and warmth.
His words ignite a flutter of excitement in the pit of your stomach, a giddiness that bubbles up from within. Unable to contain the surge of emotions, you rise onto your toes, closing the gap between you as your lips meet his in a gentle kiss. He lets out a surprised hum, circling his arms around your waist and hauling you into him.
He pulls back slightly, resting his forehead on yours, his expression tinged with uncertainty, "Y/n,â He murmurs, his voice laced with apprehension, âI canât do this if you still want Remus.â
You pull back slightly, creating a small space between you yet maintaining the intimacy of your connection as you gaze into his eyes. "Do you think I would have followed you if I still wanted Remus?" You inquire softly, your voice imbued with sincerity.
"I meant every word when I told you that you were the only one I thought of for Jamesâ dare." You continue, your words carrying a gentle reassurance, seeking to dispel any lingering doubts or insecurities that may linger between you.
"I want you, Sirius." You whisper earnestly, your voice soft yet resolute, laying bare your desires and intentions as you seek clarity and connection with him.
The smile he gives you is radiant, brimming with unabridged happiness, illuminating his features with an undeniable warmth that reflects the depth of his emotions.
"I've been dreaming of you saying that for ages." You squeal with uncontainable delight as he dips down and scoops you up, your legs instinctively circling his waist. Together, you embark on a journey towards your bed, his steps sure and purposeful, each movement imbued with a sense of anticipation and excitement.
He settles onto the bed, seating you gently in his lap, and you can't help but giggle uncontrollably, the sound filling the room with infectious joy as you revel in the sheer exhilaration of the moment shared between you.
As you lean down and press your lips onto his, he exhales softly, as if shedding all his worries, finding true peace in the gentle brush of your lips against his. He's never encountered a feeling of rightness as profound as this throughout his life. He is completely done for.
.·ă.·ăâ·.·â«Â·ă·ă.
Lily and Marlene didn't return to the dorm last night. After the awkward end to your game of truth or dare, you assumed they were giving you some space. And frankly, you were grateful for it.Â
You weren't eager to delve into the topic of Remus confessing his past feelings for you. Although he didn't explicitly reveal whether or not those feelings still lingered, the reactions from both Adeline and Sirius served as a telling response.
You knew that a conversation with Remus was inevitable. Yet nervousness gnawed at you. What if there was no salvaging what remained of your friendship? Despite the awkwardness of the past few months, the desire to keep him in your life persisted, making the conversation all the more important.
The night unfolded with you and Sirius intertwined, lost in stolen kisses and hushed conversations within the dimly lit dorm. You had never felt so content in your whole life. Being with Sirius felt like a breath of fresh air. There were no lingering doubts about his feelings; his actions spoke volumes, leaving no room for uncertainty. Reflecting on the past, you couldn't help but wonder how you had ever been so blind to his affections.
âYou almost ready mâlove?â Sirius called, casting a glance your way as he deftly tied his tie in front of your mirror.
His endearment sent a flutter through your heart. It felt as though the kiss with Sirius last night had unleashed a torrent of emotions, flooding your senses with newfound intensity. It sent a thrill through your body, yet you felt somewhat disheartened as well. How had you managed to overlook Sirius for so long? He had been there all along, yet you found yourself pining over Remus, who had seemed indifferent to your feelings.
"Yeah, whenever youâre ready." You offered a soft smile as you slipped on your final shoe, steadying yourself with a gentle grip on the bedpost.
You rose to your full height, crossing the distance to Sirius, who advanced to meet you halfway, his hands finding their place on your hips. You encircled your arms around his neck, drawing yourself nearer to him. He smiled warmly down at you, delicately tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear before returning his hand to your hip.
"How do you want to go about this?" Sirius asked his brow furrowing with a hint of unease, his gaze searching yours for guidance.
Your brow pinched in confusion, "Go about what? Us?" For a brief moment, the idea crossed your mind â did Sirius want to go back to the way things were before? However, that thought evaporated as quickly as it appeared when you recalled the firmness of his embrace, the intensity in his gaze fixed upon you.
He nodded, his expression softening with concern. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I understand things might be tense with Remus, and I donât want to make it harder for you."
"You know what I want?" Sirius tightened his embrace, prompting you to elaborate. "I want you to treat me like Iâm yours, show everyone that weâre together. I couldn't care less about what anyone thinks." Both of you understood that anyone referred to Remus. Sirius remained silent, his gaze fixed on you, his expression indecipherable.
Your expression shifted to one of uncertainty, your brows furrowing slightly as you sought clarification. "We're together, right?" You asked, your voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability, searching his eyes for confirmation.Â
Sirius's smile radiated such genuine warmth that a flutter of attraction danced in your stomach, âYeah, baby. Weâre together.â He couldn't fathom that he held you, his dream girl, in his arms, asking him if the two of you were together. It took him a moment to fully grasp the reality of the moment.Â
He continued, âDonât think that Iâm not going to properly ask you to be mine, though, because I will. I promise.â
Unable to resist, you leaned in, capturing his lips with your own. Instantly, he responded, returning the kiss with equal fervor and intention.
With a reluctant sigh, you pulled away, your fingers lingering against his cheek as you whispered, "We need to get to breakfast."
"I think I can starve." Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, a mischievous glint dancing in his eyes as he leaned down to capture your lips once more.
You couldn't help but giggle, gently pushing him away, "Stop it, we gotta go. Weâre going to be late." You insisted, a hint of laughter dancing in your voice as you playfully nudged him towards the door, the lingering taste of his kiss still tingling on your lips.
As you entered the common room, a wave of surprise washed over you at the sight of all your friends gathered, comfortably sprawled across the couches and armchairs. You slowed to a stop, catching Sirius off guard as he turned to follow your gaze, his eyes widening in surprise as they landed on the familiar faces of your friends.
"We wanted to make sure you two were okay after last night," Lily paused, her gaze piercing as she shot a pointed glare at Remus, who visibly shrank into the couch cushions. He appeared exhausted as if he hadn't slept all night, and you couldn't help but notice Adeline's absence beside him.Â
"But it looks like everything is good?" Lily continued, her voice hopeful as her eyes dropped down to where your hand intertwined with Sirius'.
"Everything's fine," you affirm, offering a soft smile as Sirius squeezes your hand reassuringly. "But I need to talk to you, Rem. Alone.â You add, your tone gentle yet firm, conveying the importance of the coming conversation.
Sirius is the first to break the tense silence, shifting slightly while the others remain rooted in place, their eyes flitting between Remus and you. The atmosphere feels charged with unease, and you can sense the weight of Lily's unspoken words lingering in the air, knowing full well she gave Remus a piece of her mind the moment you left last night.
Before he can move away, you pull him back, your hand gently tugging him closer as you press your lips to his. A surprised sound escapes him before his hands come up to hold your cheeks. Remus clenches his jaw, unable to watch as you both melt into each other.Â
James lets out a low, appreciative whistle, and Lily suppresses a smile behind her hand. Peter and Dorcas avert their gaze shyly while Marlene beams at the sight of Sirius melting into you. It's evident that they're all on Team Sirius.
As you both draw back, your gazes locked in mutual adoration, Sirius places another swift kiss on your lips. "I'll have your tea waiting for you," he promises softly.
A bright smile spreads across your face. "Thank you," you reply, your voice filled with warmth and gratitude.
As Sirius finally draws back, the others follow suit. James is already by his best friend's side, chatting animatedly. Lily and Marlene exchange knowing grins with you, silently promising a conversation later. Meanwhile, Peter and Dorcas trail behind, engaging in casual conversation as they meander along.
You sigh, bracing yourself for what promises to be an awkward conversation, and then take a seat beside Remus on the couch. The tension in the air is palpable, amplified by the near emptiness of the common room. Remus sits up straight, stealing a glance in your direction, his demeanor reflecting the unease of the moment.
âAre you okay?â Remus looks mildly surprised, that wasnât the first thing he expected you to ask.
He clears his throat nervously, âUh, Iâve been better, honestly. Are you?âÂ
He observes as you gracefully draw your legs onto the couch, tucking them underneath you. Finally, you meet his gaze, and he's momentarily taken aback by your beauty. A pang of regret hits him like a wave â he wishes he had confronted his feelings for you earlier. Perhaps then, it would have been him sharing kisses with you instead of watching you with his best mate.
"I'm good." Remus watches as you absentmindedly bring your fingers up to brush against your lips, a lovesick expression softening your features. You appear momentarily lost in thought, a dazed quality to your gaze.Â
Clearing your throat, you shake off your thoughts, "But I'm disappointed about last night. What on hell was that?"
"Y/n," Remus's voice quivered with sincerity as he addressed you, his eyes reflecting the remorse weighing heavily upon him. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to upset you." He whispered, the words thick with sincerity..Â
You sighed, the weight of your frustration and disappointment lacing your tone, "And Adeline?" Remus looked startled. In the wake of you rushing to follow Sirius, Adeline had bravely broached the subject of his feelings towards you. Caught off guard, Remus found himself grappling for words, acutely aware of his friends' scrutinizing gazes, which bore a mixture of astonishment and disapproval. His hesitation was a silent confession to Adeline, who gathered her belongings swiftly, her departure punctuating the air with an unspoken disappointment. In the ensuing silence, Remus remained rooted, torn between pursuing you and granting you the space he sensed you needed. Regrettably, the thought of going after Adeline hadn't even crossed his mind amidst the dread sitting heavy in his stomach. Remus understood he had messed up, and the weight of his mistake hung heavy upon him.
âShe left. I donât blame her, I hurt her. Who gets a girlfriend when they have feelings for someone else?â A laugh escaped Remus, laden with incredulity.Â
His words prompted you to avert your gaze, a subtle gesture betraying the unease settling in the pit of your stomach. The acknowledgment that his feelings for you still lingered left you with an odd feeling in the pit of your stomach.
Silence settles between you both, and it's excruciatingly awkward.
âIâm falling in love with Sirius,â You blurt out, nervously stealing a glance at him, eager to gauge his reaction. âI just, I need you to know that thereâs no way anything couldâve happened between us. A couple months ago it wouldâve been entirely different. But I was devastated, Rem. Do you know how hard it was for me to watch you be with Adeline? How much that hurt? And then you just admit you have feelings in front of everyone no less, like it wasnât a big deal. In front of your girlfriend, who clearly cares so much about you. I donât understand.â
"Dorcas askedâ" He began, his voice sounded shaky.
"But you could've passed, or chosen to say another old crush's name!" Your interjection cut through the air, sharp and pointed.
"But there wasn't anyone else." He countered, his words tinged with a hint of desperation.
"Remus." His name hung in the air, heavy with frustration. You sent him with a glare heavy with irritation, and the intensity of your gaze churned a nauseating knot in his stomach.
"I was jealous, okay? To see Sirius hold you and kiss you like I have always wanted was awful. I couldnât get you out of my head, and then Dorcas asked, and I just said your name."
"Godric, Rem!" You huffed, frustration coloring your tone. "If you had just told me months ago, we couldâve avoided this entire mess." Remus opened his mouth to speak, but you interjected, your words tumbling out with raw emotion. "But at the same time? Iâm so grateful that you didnât tell me, and that Sirius was there, because then I wouldâve missed out on a guy who was never afraid to show me that I was his first choice.â
Remus remained silent, his gaze fixed intently on his intertwined fingers. You sat tense on the couch beside him, the air heavy with unresolved tension.
Remusâ eyes are filled with tears when he turns to you, âI know thereâs no chance for us anymore, but Y/n, I donât want to lose you as my best friend. Not having you around the last couple months have been hard. I miss you, and I understand if youâre not ready for that or donât even want to be my friend. But Y/n, I will do anything to make this up to you.â
 You felt a lump form in your throat, a wave of emotions threatening to overwhelm you. With a harsh sigh, you turned to Remus, your gaze a mixture of hurt and determination.
"Our friendship won't be fixed right away," you admitted, the words weighted with the frustration that had been simmering beneath the surface. "I'm still frustrated with you." You confessed, your voice tinged with the raw honesty of your emotions.
âY/n, Iâll do everything to make it up to you. I know everything wonât go back to the way it was, but I just want to be your friend.â His words carry genuine remorse, and you crack.
âRemus, come here.â You extended your arms toward him and Remus engulfs you in his embrace, his fervor nearly knocking you off balance.
You're both holding onto each other tightly, finding comfort in having each other back. A few tears escape your eyes, tracing silent paths down your cheeks as you find solace in the warmth of his embrace.
"I missed you too." You mumble softly into his chest, your words muffled by the fabric of his shirt.
.·ă.·ăâ·.·â«Â·ă·ă.
The familiar ease you once shared with Remus doesn't return immediately, but both of you are committed to rebuilding your friendship, to rediscovering that ease and comfort your relationship used to provide. But the effort that is being made means the world to you.Â
And so it begins with catching up on reading together. You sit beside Remus on the plush couch, matching copies of a book cradled in your hands as you both immerse yourselves in its pages. Nearby, Marlene and Lily are nestled by the crackling fire, engaged in animated conversation about Marlene's impending decision to finally ask Dorcas out. Peter lounges lazily in an armchair, a contented smile playing on his lips as he indulges in chocolates, his attention drifting between the gossip and the flickering flames.
Sirius's laughter rings out, drawing your gaze toward him like a magnet. You shift your focus to the common room entrance, where Sirius and James have just arrived, their hair still damp from their post-practice showers.
You sit up straighter, a subtle movement, that draws Remus's attention to you. Following your gaze, Remus's eyes shift in the direction of Sirius, who is in the midst of a hearty laugh spurred on by James's joke. However, as Sirius turns and locks eyes with you, his laughter fades into a tender smile, his expression melting into one of affection and adoration. James catches sight of Lily across the room and wastes no time in making his way over to her, his trademark mischievous grin already in place.
"James!" Lily cries out, her voice a mixture of exasperation and amusement, as she dodges away from the curly-headed boy who is shaking his dripping wet hair over her. Marlene's laughter fills the air, and Dorcas grins from beside her. Despite Lily's attempts to escape, James encircles his arms around her waist, drawing her back against his chest, his satifsfied grin matching her infectious laughter.Â
âI canât stand you, James Potter.â Lily sighs, leaning back against James and shaking her head disapprovingly.
Sirius laughs, watching Lily pretend to be annoyed with James, before settling into the seat beside you, a comfortable familiarity enveloping the space between you. When he leans in to press a gentle kiss against your lips, you instinctively lean into his touch, savoring the warmth of his affection. Remus's gaze momentarily drifts away, a subtle pang of jealousy tugging at his chest as he watches the way you lean into his best mate.
In truth, Remus found himself uncertain of his standing with Sirius. Him and Remus were limited in their interactions lately, both boys feeling tense around the other. Unbeknownst to you, Remus flinched involuntarily every time Sirius drew near to you, displaying his lingering feelings for you. Sirius, though not proud of it, found himself grappling with a twinge of possessiveness whenever Remus was close to you.Â
Sirius pulled back slightly, a warm smile gracing his features as he met your gaze, "Hi, m'love." He murmured softly, his voice laced with affection and tenderness.
You couldn't help but return his grin, feeling a rush of warmth at his endearing greeting, "Hi." You replied, your voice filled with warmth and fondness, mirroring the affection reflected in his eyes.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" Sirius's voice broke the silence, his arm casually draping around your shoulder, drawing you into his side. Your book lay forgotten as his presence captivated your attention.
"Just some studying." You replied, the thought of books and lectures suddenly fading into insignificance.
Sirius leaned in closer, his lips grazing against your ear as he whispered, "I wanna take you somewhere tomorrow." The words stirred memories of a few months ago when you were seated on this very couch with him, grappling with the heartache of trying to move on from Remus.
"Will this be a date?" You asked, unable to contain the excitement bubbling in your voice.
"Yes, angel." Sirius replied, his words soft and tender as he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. A radiant grin spread across your face as you reached for your book once more, the anticipation of the upcoming date dancing in your thoughts.
.·ă.·ăâ·.·â«Â·ă·ă.
Almost a week slips by before you and Sirius manage to carve out time for a long-awaited date. As Sirius leads you on a walk, your heart swells with emotion when you realize he's taking you to the tulip field. Despite the lingering chill in the air, the sight of the vibrant flowers and the sun's gentle rays reflecting off Black Lake fills you with warmth.
"You're such a romantic." You giggle, leaning into Sirius even more. He responds with a bashful smile, his cheeks tinged pink. You're not sure if it's from the cold or your teasing.
"I didn't know if it would be a good place for a date or not." He admits, his cheeks coloring with embarrassment. He had spent the last week agonizing over where to take you. When he ranted to Peter about it, Peter simply shrugged and suggested Hogsmeade. Sirius had scoffed, his tone teasing yet earnest, telling him he better step it up if he wanted to impress a girl.
"Sirius, this is the cutest spot for a date. Plus, it has meaning to us." You tell him sincerely, and Sirius feels his heart flutter at the term us. He wonders if he'll ever get over the fact that he has his dream girl in his arms, looking at him the same way he looks at you.
As you draw closer, the perfumed air carries the unmistakable scent of spring, and the gentle buzzing of bumblebees near the flowers fills your ears. The sounds evoke a sense of nostalgia, transporting you back to your childhood days spent playing in the garden.
"Merlin, I was so stressed about it. I've never planned a date before. I mean, I've gone on dates, but I've never felt this determined to impress someone as much as I have with you," he sighs as if releasing all of his pent-up stress. "I even asked Peter where I should take you."
"Did you? Well, I think this is perfect." You grin, withdrawing your hand from his to lay out the blanket. The thought of crushing tulips under the blanket makes you cringe, so you search for a barren patch to place it over. With care, you shake out the blanket, letting it flutter gracefully before plopping onto it.
Leaning back on your palms, you watch Sirius, who remains standing where you left him, your copy of Pride and Prejudice in his hands. A soft smile graces his lips as he gazes at you as if you're everything he's ever dreamed of.
"Are you going to join me or just stare?" You question, patting the spot next to you invitingly.
"I quite like staring at you." He grins, sending you his famous smile.Â
He sits down next to you before laying back and allowing the sun to settle on his skin. The warmth of the rays feels comforting, especially after the last couple of days filled with rain. The melodic songs of birds in the surrounding trees and the sound of your gentle movements create a soothing ambiance, putting him at ease.
You shift, settling onto your back, your eyes tracing the patterns of the soft clouds as they leisurely drift across the vast expanse of the sky. The birds' playful chirps and flutters among the trees add to the serene atmosphere. Sirius follows suit, adjusting his position to face you. As he watches you, he's captivated by the delicate play of sunlight on your features, accentuated by the colorful tulips that bloom around you, adding a vibrant backdrop to the tranquil scene.
He can hardly believe that he's lying next to the girl of his dreams, the one he's thought of for years, yearning for even a moment of her attention. Memories flood back countless times when he watched you with Remus from afar, consumed by jealousy for the time Remus got to spend with you. He would have given anything for just a few minutes alone with you to share a moment that belonged solely to the two of you.
"I talked to Remus earlier today." You remark, his nose crinkling slightly with an involuntary pang of jealousy at the mention of his friend's name. It's become almost instinctual by now.Â
"He apologized to Adeline," You start, your expression thoughtful. "He mentioned it started off rough, but in the end, she forgave him, and they wished each other the best."
He hums, âThatâs good.â
You giggle, âThatâs all?â
Sirius hums softly, propping himself up on his elbow as he gazes down at you. "I'm glad they've found that closure," he murmurs, his tone laced with a hint of distraction.
Feeling his unwavering focus, you gently divert your attention from the sky to meet his gaze. His eyes are locked onto yours with such intensity that it causes a flutter in your chest, leaving your breath caught in your throat.Â
He lifts his hands, delicately brushing his thumb against your bottom lip. A small, involuntary sound escapes you, and Sirius responds with a devastating smile, a hint of playfulness dancing in his eyes.
"I don't want to talk about anyone else but us." He whispers, his voice filled with sincerity. His gaze softens as his fingers trace gently across your cheeks, his hand coming to rest on your face, his thumb tenderly brushing against your jawline.
"What about us in particular?" You inquire, the words escaping in a breathless whisper. Your heart quickens its pace, a rhythmic drumming echoing the intensity of the moment, a sensation that always accompanies Sirius's proximity. The air feels charged with anticipation, every nerve tingling with the electricity of his presence.
"I can't get enough of you," he confesses, leaning in to press a soft kiss against your cheek. "How you never leave my mind," he adds, tenderly planting a kiss on your other cheek.
"How you make my heart flip every time I look at you." His lips brush against your forehead before he leans down to rest his against yours. Your eyes flutter closed at his proximity, your body nearly buzzing from the giddiness and anticipation coursing through your veins.
"How my heart is entirely yours." His voice trembles slightly, revealing the depth of his emotions as he utters those heartfelt words, âAnd that I am hopelessly in love with you.â
Your eyes widen, catching his apprehensive gaze, his nerves evident as he awaits your reaction to his confession Without hesitation, you thread your fingers through his hair and gently pull him down to you, closing the distance between your lips and his in a sweet, affirming kiss.
Sirius lets out a moan, his thumb continuing to brush over your cheek as he deepens the kiss. The warmth of his lips against yours is accompanied by a gentle exploration, each movement conveying a depth of emotion and desire that leaves you breathless. The air is charged with an electric intensity, and in that moment, it feels like time stands still, allowing you to savor the overwhelming connection and longing between you.
You pull away just slightly, your voice trembling with emotion as you gaze into his eyes. In the hushed intimacy of the moment, surrounded by the soft rustle of leaves and the distant chirping of birds, you utter those three profound words, "I am so in love with you. "
Sirius lets out a disbelieving laugh, his smile widening as euphoria bubbles within him. Without hesitation, he leans in, his lips meeting yours in a fervent and intense kiss that elicits a desperate moan from your lips. You've never experienced a kiss like this before, filled with such raw passion that it feels like every nerve in your body is set ablaze as if you could melt into him right there and then.
"Please be mine." Sirius pleads, his voice laced with longing and vulnerability against your lips.Â
A tender smile graces your lips as you respond, your voice soft and filled with affection, "I'm already yours."
While nestled in the field of tulips, Sirius confesses to you that the very first tulip he gifted you was, in fact, a declaration of his love.
#so i have one more section left i think#the date!!!#but before that#highlights#The night unfolded with you and Sirius intertwined - WOOOOO#the kiss with Sirius last night had unleashed a torrent of emotions flooding your senses with newfound intensity - HIGHLIGHTER MEET PAGE#âI donât want to make it harder for you.â - brb taking a deep breath just his thoughtfulness i cant even form words#âYou know what I want?â - and then everything sirius said would be highlighted bright yellow#He couldn't fathom that he held you his dream girl - to quote what i just did out loud: EEEEE#âI think I can starve.â - SHUT UP WHERE ARE U COMING UP WITH THIS STUFF#knowing full well she gave Remus a piece of her mind the moment you left last night - lily sheâs an icon sheâs a legend#It's evident that they're all on Team Sirius. - HAHAH and i canât emphasize this enough: same#âI'll have your tea waiting for youâ - like i canât even make it 2 sentence without a visceral reaction to sirius being sirius#âBut there wasn't anyone elseâ - you HAVE a girlfriend#(oh my bad he had* a gf)#(iâm trying to feel bad for remus and i canât)#(i love the way the reader is handling THAT conversation with him)#(and now im loving the way the reader and remus are slowly becoming friends again!!)#engaged in animated conversation about Marlene's impending decision to finally ask Dorcas out - WOOOO#as she dodges away from the curly-headed boy who is shaking his dripping wet hair over her - JILY I LOVE YOU#+ trust im catching up to my tbr list and im never putting one of your fics on it again bc they need to be read IMMEDIATELY clearly
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