#shut up I know she suppose to be chugging her HONEY BUT I WANT THE WHOLE BEAR FINGER LICKIN GOOD THERE

[totallynotsarkaz]

I am forever in debt with Istina for feeding me RosaZima despite it WAS HER FREAKING (temp)FAREWELL PARTY

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

bullseye, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: Are you the insufferable, cocky, absolutely-no-good-for-anyone female equivalent of a fuckboy? Maybe. Okay, yeah. But guess who decided to come along and interrupt your conquests? Jeon Jungkook. What now? Complain to your best friend Kim Taehyung all day or fucking do something about it?

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; alcohol consumption; Taehyung getting shitfaced lol; you're a cocky asshole and so is Jungkook, welp; schemes; smut (fem reader, making out / dry humping in public, cowgirl, m-masturbation, edging / orgasm denial, penetrative sex, so much kissing); non-idol!BTS; (secretly pining) fuckboy!Jungkook x bisexual, fuckgirl!reader; ft artist, best friend!Taehyung; mostly reader's POV with a short JK's POV

yes, it's purple-haired Butter JK

--

now playing – 마.피.아. in the morning by itzy

“Are you kidding me? Fucking Jeon Jungkook, again?���

“You need to calm down,” Kim Taehyung said, patting your shoulder and handing you a mojito.

“What I need is a fucking bow and arrow to shoot down this fucking pest!”

“I know you were the archery champion in high school, but that’s still a weird thing to think,” replied that baritone voice, pushing you into a chair so he could sit down as well, observing you violently chugging down the entire mojito in your rage. He seemed highly amused, looking a bit like a young French socialite in a black beret, loose tan dress shirt, and black slacks with black loafers. Gold accents because Kim Taehyung was that bitch. “Never ceases to impress me that you can do that.”

You pulled the glass from your lips, ice and mint clinking. “This is the third girl I’ve been dating that he’s just–” You flapped a hand in the general direction of the crowd at the bar, completely ignoring Taehyung’s comment about your record-breaking skills of draining cocktails. “–unashamedly making out with when clearly I’m right here.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes, far too crass for how drop-dead handsome he was, but it seemed that he didn’t care. “I doubt he knows you’re here or that you’re dating them. And to make it fair on him, you were casually dating them all at once, so technically, no one is at fault here,” he added.

You narrowed your eyes. “I wasn’t–”

Taehyung gave you this look.

The look of ‘shut-up-you-know-I’m-right’.

Being your best friend, he had a right to do that.

“Shouldn’t you be mad at the girl anyway? Being faithful and all that, which, by the way, you are not.”

“Dating is not the same as being in a relationship,” you argued.

“Mmm, so fucking them is not indicative enough that you should be less of a fuckboy.”

“I’m not a fuckboy,” you muttered. “I’m a woman.”

Taehyung raised an eyebrow. “The general term still stands because you’re a class-A asshole.”

You closed your eyes and sucked in a deep breath, trying not to bolt home and buy a bow and arrow online to shoot, not Jeon Jungkook, but Kim Taehyung, because he was testing your last nerve with the truth.

“Again, why are you not mad at them?” Taehyung reoriented the conversation with a sweep of his arm when you opened your eyes, prompting your gaze to shift and witness Jeon Jungkook with his tongue down a pretty girl’s throat. This cheeky bastard was even wearing a leather jacket and white shirt, just like you. The only difference was that you wore a leather miniskirt and he wore black jeans with rips in the thighs, but both of you were wearing heeled black moto-style boots.

“Because he’s the denominator in this equation,” you snapped, smacking your glass on the table.

“Please do not make math references. My brain is not made for that.”

“Fractions? Tae, seriously, are you defective or–”

“Maybe he’s doing it to piss you off.”

“Well, I am pissed off!”

The bar was very loud with music and noise. Your shout was still clearly heard. Neither you or Taehyung seemed to care that people turned to look at you two and shake their heads.

Taehyung shrugged. “Then he succeeded.”

You clicked your tongue. “Why, though? I didn’t do anything to him. He just started popping up stealing my girls. What if I switch back to chasing dick and he takes them too?”

Taehyung snorted. “I doubt it. You’re just continuing on this train because you’re stubborn.”

As usual, he saw right through you.

He raised an elegant hand and tapped his lips. “Maybe he likes you.”

You gave Taehyung the most disbelieving, fiery, indignant look that you had ever produced in your life.

“Or, he doesn’t,” he hastily corrected. “Let’s face it, sometimes I don’t even like you and I would murder for your dumb ass.”

You tapped the melting glass of icy mint onto the tabletop.

Menacingly.

“If you think about it,” Taehyung began tentatively, scooting his chair slightly away from you with your flaming eyes boring holes in the back of Jeon Jungkook’s head. His hair was dark violet now so you could spot him easily, pinning your (not yours, but you know, that was your prey at one point) girl against the back wall of the bar. “He always goes after your target. He wants you to notice something.”

You watched a YouTube video once about making your own bow and arrow. It didn’t seem that difficult, all things considered. Sharpening a long stick with a knife and–

“Stop thinking about murder.”

You jerked your head back to Taehyung and his honey-brown curls framing his amused expression. You glared in response.

“I’ve never interacted with him a day in my life,” you frowned, abandoning your homicidal tendencies for the moment. “What does he want me to notice?”

Taehyung gave you a pained look. You returned with a black stare. Then he sighed and shook his head.

“He’s a fuckboy. You’re the female equivalent of a fuckboy. What do you think he wants?”

“My body count?”

Taehyung slapped his own face, muttering under his breath. “… be part of your body count.”

“Sorry, what?” You raised your voice over the bass. “Can’t hear you over the music.”

He raised his head. “I don’t know. Fight him. See what happens.”

“I’m not gonna win a fistfight.”

Taehyung looked ready to fistfight you.

You stood up, dragging him by the arm. “Come on, wingman. I need another drink. I’ll buy, since you got me the last one.”

Taehyung laughed, loud and full, yanking his arm out of your grip and clapping a hand around your shoulders, pulling you to him so your body knocked into him. You grimaced, now forced to walk side by side with him, not seeing the looks shared between the patrons witnessing you two together.

“Now we’re talking. I wanna get trashed.”

“Cure for a broken heart, am I right?”

“Mine’s shattered,” Taehyung chuckled, rubbing the left side of his chest playfully, but you couldn’t help but notice the hurt in his eyes. It was his idea to go out tonight and assist you with getting laid but, one, you didn’t need assistance and, two, he had recently broken up. It was pretty obvious he just wanted you to buy him drinks and have an excuse to do something.

Which was fine with you, until Jeon Jungkook showed up holding your previous eye candy.

Hmph.

Whatever, you had a Taehyung to nurse back to health with an obscene amount of alcohol.

-

Two hours later, you were standing in the men’s bathroom, holding Taehyung’s beret with one hand and his hair in the other as he vomited loudly into the toilet.

“Sup.”

The guy looked in the stall and then looked at you.

“You’re not supposed to be here…”

You raised an eyebrow. “You wanna hold his hair?”

The guy slunk away at your dismissive tone.

Taehyung tapped your thigh and you patted him on the head soothingly. He flushed and coughed.

"S... sorry," he croaked wetly.

You chuckled. "Wash your mouth, ya nasty."

He got up and you straightened his clothes in an almost maternal fashion.

"Need water, I think..." he winced, stumbling past you to the counter. You followed him to make sure he didn't hurl in the fucking sink.

"I'll be right back. Don't do anything crazy."

"Heh, that’s you," he slurred as he put his hands under the tap to wash up.

You plopped his beret on your head and sauntered out of the men's bathroom, unbothered by the stares and the people trying to catch your eye. It took you no time at all to waltz to the counter and obtain the water, striding back to the men's bathroom with the tall glass.

Only to run into you-know-who.

The girl sputtered your name in surprise as if she hadn't met you in this very bar a couple of weeks ago.

You completely ignored her existence, narrowing your eyes at the smirking face of Jeon Jungkook.

There was no denying his attractiveness. His purple hair was a little messy now, curling around his high cheekbones and large brown eyes. The dim light of the bar cast strange shadows over his chiseled jaw and shapely lips, curved into a devilish grin. He had a mole and red lipstick residue underneath his lower lip.

You had a strong urge to douse him and his leather jacket with your giant glass of water.

Taehyung was the one who found out Jungkook's name for you. You sent him on the mission after the first time this little shit started meddling in your business.

At this moment, you remembered that.

You pointedly looked away, walking past Jungkook, knocking into his arm forcefully and on purpose, annoyed that he seemed pretty strong under that jacket, muscular and lean. Whatever. You had a large bear cub named Kim Taehyung to take care of. You didn't have time to waste on Jeon Jungkook.

"Hey."

You stiffened at the deep, silvery voice. Of course. He had to have a sexy voice too. Bitch.

"You should apologize."

Your eyes flickered to the glass of water. It was pretty cold in your hand. You raised your chin back up, facing towards the bathrooms.

The choice was easy.

You continued waking and raised your free hand to flip Jeon Jungkook the bird, off to deliver the water to your best friend.

Some guy at the urinal screamed as you entered the men's bathroom but you completely ignored him, only focusing on Taehyung, who was gripping the corner of the sink, turning not to pass out, pallid face dripping and looking green.

"Drink this and I'll take you home."

-

"Ugh, thanks for the other day... sorry I wasn't the best wingman... I ended up making you exorcize my demons instead..."

You laughed, jabbing a toothpick in the steaming fried chicken. You and Kim Taehyung again, hanging out in the afternoon at the local chicken spot.

"It's cool. I know you needed it."

Taehyung frowned. "If you knew, why did you play along?"

You shrugged. "You would've done the same for me."

He smiled and popped a piece of crispy chicken in his mouth. "Yeah, if you ever had a serious relationship for once."

You glared. "This is a non-judgment zone. Shut up."

He chuckled. Then he leaned in and you grimaced, catching a whiff of his chicken breath. He was wearing a pinstriped shirt and neglected to button the first two because he was too hot to bother with some stupid buttons. You weren't going to say you could relate, but you were wearing a loose black sweater dress that was bordering on flashing your panties, so, maybe.

"I heard from a little birdie that you had a run-in with the bane of your existence."

You raised an eyebrow. "The tax man?"

Taehyung rolled his eyes. "No, the other one."

Now it was your turn to roll yours. "Oh, right. The Dark Lord."

Taehyung gave you a weird look. "Is that a movie reference or..."

"Harry Potter, ever heard of it?"

"You're such a nerd."

"That's not... anyway, so what?"

He wiggled his eyebrows. "He spoke to you."

You narrowed your eyes. "Where do you get your information?"

He fidgeted. "Uh... a reliable source that chooses to remain anonymous."

Your eyes became slits. "Who."

Taehyung stick his tongue out at you. "The whole point of anonymous is you not knowing!"

"Who are you, fucking Rita Skeeter–"

"Stop with the weird references!"

"For fuck's sake," you hissed, causing a mother sitting at a table near yours to chastise you, covering their kid’s ears. You frowned, lowering your voice. "Alright so what? He opened his mouth; nothing original came out." You jabbed another piece of chicken.

"Well? Feel any tension? Sweet romance? Unbridled fury?" Taehyung piped, greatly interested in your two-second interaction with Jeon Jungkook.

You chewed, huffing. "I had a big kid to take care of. I didn't give a shit."

"Hey, I'm not a kid!" he shot back.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, you’re more important to me than poking his pretty eyeballs out of his head, so I didn't even reply."

Taehyung paused, mid-chew. "Really?"

"Yes, I didn't say–"

"No, that I'm important to you."

Taehyung was doing that thing where his big brown eyes went all sparkly and sentimental. It was making you uncomfortable. Bad with feelings and all that. The only reason you tolerated it was because Taehyung had been like this ever since he was that dorky weird kid you defended from bullies in elementary school. A folding chair was involved and you might have watched too many WWE TLC (tables, ladders, chairs) matches as a kid, but hey, those bullies didn’t bother Taehyung ever again, did they?

You got sent to detention for the rest of the year and anger management counseling appointments, but Taehyung remained your friend throughout the whole ordeal and for years to come, tolerating your poor life choices so… worth?

You reached over and shut his open mouth. "Of course, you are, that's why I'm not calling you a disgusting pig for chewing with your mouth open."

"Oi, that's bullying!"

"You bully me all the time," you snorted and the same mom made a noise of distaste that you pretended not to hear. "Like now you keep bringing up the spawn of Satan."

"You're also the spawn of Satan, by the way."

"Yeah, and you're my guardian angel and he ain't got shit, so I’ve already won this war."

Taehyung laughed nervously.

"Er, yes... totally..."

-

Another day, another conquest.

Well, you had to find the prey first, but that wasn’t going to be hard.

“You’re a chronic asshole.”

“Thanks, Tae. You sure you don’t wanna come?”

He rolled his eyes at you as you shrugged on one of his black dress shirts. You checked the tag. Silk. Damn. Kim Taehyung was a fancy bitch. He leaned against the closet doorframe as you fitted your black leather corset-style belt at your waist to cinch it in. You often raided Taehyung’s closet and paired it with your accessories. Did he enjoy your fucking in his clothes? Probably not, but you always returned them cleaned in the proper way, so he couldn’t complain.

He did anyway.

“No, I don’t. Let me sulk.”

“Ah, yes, moody starving artist, I’ll let you be,” you snickered, slinging the waist bag over your shoulder, wearing it across your chest instead of your hips. You lightly punched him in the arm and he pretended to topple over exaggeratedly. “You going to paint today?”

He shrugged. “I think. Dunno what media I want to use.”

“Just use a bunch of different ones. Your mixed media stuff is amazing,” you replied, waltzing out of his bedroom, past his messy studio with a blank canvas balanced on a wooden easel in the center of absolute chaos of paints. You helped him organize them once, but Taehyung often was too in the zone to pay attention to neatness.

“When’s the exhibit? I want to drop by,” you commented, seeing the line of his works safely wrapped up, leaning against the wall.

“Um… next week, Thursday through Sunday,” Taehyung replied sheepishly, cheeks flaring red at the mention of his own art exhibit. He was humble even though he was talented. “I’ll text you the address. Don’t show up looking like a high-paid escort.”

You tucked your feet into your heels and raised an eyebrow.

Silk black men’s shirt worn as a dress, belted at the waist to show off your curves, bare legs out, toned calves standing out due to your sleek black high heels.

“Who, me? Never.”

Taehyung shook his head. “Text me if you need a ride.”

“You got it.”

-

“You have got to be kidding me.”

You tapped your nails on the bar, having already finished your peach mojito.

“Fucking Jeon Jungkook, again?”

You needed to invest in a bow and arrow, like, yesterday.

Shoot right between his pretty eyeballs. Dude even pulled back his long, deep purple hair into a smooth ponytail with wispy strands framing his sculpted face. Was that damn eyeliner and mascara making his eyes look sharper, sexier? Fuck, he even knew how to make himself look even hotter.

Not as hot as you, of course.

“How does he always know where I’m at?” you muttered under your breath, turning away to look at the bartender and order another mojito. Watermelon. It seemed interesting. Fuck it, you were going to focus on drinking rather than the thorn in your side, Jeon Jungkook and his black dress shirt halfway buttoned and his tight-fitting black slacks with sleek oxfords. The bartender slid your glass in front of you, a gradient of pink to transparent with a little sprig of mint on top. It was a pretty drink.

You reached into your waist bag to pay, but the bartender stopped you.

“The gentleman over there paid for you. A gift.”

Oh? Maybe a potential for the night. You shifted your gaze to–

Oh.

“Tell him to fu–”

But the bartender was already off servicing other customers on this busy night.

Shit.

You know what? Fine. He put himself up as the target. He wanted to play this game.

And you never missed a bullseye.

You tilted your head to survey Jeon Jungkook out of the corner of your eye, making his way over to you, bringing your drink close to your lips. He stopped right next to you. The colorful lights of the club made rainbows dance across his lightly tanned skin and his dark lips, curled into a smug smirk.

“Hey.”

You cocked an eyebrow.

Drank.

Mmm, fuck, that was some deliciously smooth rum. The watermelon was a refreshing addition to the mint too. You probably weren’t meant to drink it all at once, but you were glaring at Jungkook who was pointedly watching your throat swallow and it was aggravating you more and more, the entire drink disappearing in record time, leaving nothing but ice and mint.

You smacked the glass down on this table with a hiss.

Jungkook purred your name with that deep, silvery voice of his. His eyes flickered down to your exposed collarbones and then back up to your face.

You clicked your tongue.

Then you turned away from him dismissively, walking past him, knocking into his arm forcefully and on purpose.

But instead of letting it happen, Jungkook shifted his weight and slid to block your path. You stopped, eyes darting up to narrow at that conceited little brat’s face. Now you could smell his cologne, fresh, sensual, a mix of pungent dragon fruit and black coffee.

Hold on.

You inhaled. Yup, no mistaking it.

That was your perfume.

Jungkook grinned as the realization hit you. How did he know what perfume you used?

“The fuck you want?” you growled.

He licked his lips slowly. He ticked his chin, taunting you.

“Finally got you to talk to me,” he purred, chuckling.

Alright, you were past causing actual bodily harm these days – jail being your primary reason – but that didn’t stop you from staring down Jeon Jungkook and his self-satisfied smirk with your signature tapering of your sharp stare.

You just stood there.

Menacingly.

He bit his lower lip, exposing that tiny mole underneath, shivering under your gaze. “Are you mad at me?” he asked, almost innocently, but there was no chance in hell that he was.

You quirked your head, lifting your chin defiantly. “Absolutely fuming,” you replied acidly.

He took a step towards you, closing the distance, so close you could feel his warmth, your breasts brushing against his chest. Now people were whispering around you two, sensing the tension between you and Jungkook. The similar outfits, the same violent energy, the same predatory aura.

As if the fox had confronted the wolf.

“What’s there to be mad about when we play the same game?” Jungkook drawled.

Cocky. The fox was so damn cocky.

“You’re just nibbling on my leftovers,” you countered, stepping forward so you pressed against him, burning body heat to burning body heat. “Which makes you the scavenger.”

Jungkook leaned down, dark brown eyes glittering with amusement.

“Then why so angry?”

His lips ghosted over yours, breathing in your exhale.

“I’m just a pest, right? A mere annoyance in your eventual victory.”

His lashes lowered, arrogant smirk reaching his dark eyes.

“Play your ace. Let’s see if it works,” he purred in the deep, sexy octave of his.

Shut up.

A low snarl rumbled in your chest.

“Shut up, Jeon Jungkook.”

You gripped his belt and yanked him to your body, rolling your crotch into his, your lips colliding with that maddening smirk, alcohol, dragon fruit, black coffee, flint igniting the dry wood, devouring his lips hungrily, his hands sliding up your sides, and his smile.

Triumph.

-

Shit.

-

You couldn’t give two fucks about Jeon Jungkook and he was into it.

Like the impossible enigma, he couldn’t figure you out but he was drawn to you anyway. The whole world was your plaything, and you treated it as such. There was something exciting about you, the thrill too irresistible to avoid when you made your presence known. Always you and that teasing smile, never getting serious, making everyone hesitate to take it farther with you. Who could blame them with your borderline brash attitude and ease of moving from one to the next?

That and your friendship with Kim Taehyung, who was a whole damn tiger next to your wolfish nature.

At first, Jungkook was intrigued.

As time went on, he became frustrated and annoyed.

What gave you the right to ignore him?

You picked up guys far less attractive than he was, not that he was that vain but, seriously, he was right here! Waiting to be caught. He didn’t try to interfere at first. In fact, Jungkook wasn’t even the sleep-around-and-mess-with-feelings kind of guy. But the more he watched you, the more impressed he was, seeing the way you charmed your way into everyone’s hearts, the way you focused on them for that moment, making them feel like they were the most perfect creature on Earth before slinking to the next, leaving them with a pining heart and lost in fantasies of what-ifs.

And, yeah, you were hot.

What was Jungkook going to do?

He could do nothing.

Or he could befriend Kim Taehyung, get under your skin, and make you notice him.

Not a scheme, per se.

Kind of a scheme.

Alright, definitely a scheme.

In Jungkook’s defense, your best friend Taehyung was all for it. Taehyung was the one who came up with all the ideas, informed him of your location, and the names of the girls you were after.

“Give her a taste of her own medicine. She needs a reality check.”

The problem was, Jungkook didn’t really want to let you go now that you were in his arms.

-

“Silly pretty boy.”

You had his chin in your palm, pressing your thumb against Jungkook’s lower lip, opening his hungry mouth to tease him with your tongue, tracing his soft lips and thrusting in, his low moan filling your lungs. His hands on your waist tightened, pulling you closer even through you were already in his lap, murmurs and eyes on you, but neither your nor Jungkook cared, used to this by now.

You were, after all, making out in the club.

The chair scraped against the ground as Jungkook firmly placed your thighs on either side of his, thrusting upwards into your core, letting your feel his rapidly growing hardness with every one of your kisses. Your hair feathered his cheeks and shoulders as your free hand toyed with his ponytail, twirling it in your fingers, smirking into his lips with his gasp from you grinding back down on his crotch, rolling your hips into him.

“Thought I was the bane of your existence?” Jungkook taunted under you, squeezing your ass through the silk and meeting your movements, staring into your eyes with his. So dark, so smokey, so fucking sexy, almost like looking into a mirror, because you too wore similar makeup, maybe a little darker and a little more of a flick to your eyeliner. “Just going to kiss me to shut me up?”

You wouldn’t be surprised if the other clubgoers were eagerly watching now, waiting to see what was going to happen between you and him.

“I don’t need to be on your mouth to shut you up,” you mused, tugging his ponytail back and kissing down his neck, tongue tracing the contours of his muscles, feeling him shudder under your lips and teeth, lightly nipping at his skin. Tracing circles, gentle kisses, relishing in his gasps and his tightened grip on you, letting your breath linger for that extra second, that extra what-if, kissing back up his neck and onto his jawline, murmuring his name sweetly, tip of your tongue curling around his earrings and bouncing them, sighing softly in his ear.

“Can’t claim my leftovers when my leftovers are you, now can you, naughty boy?” you chuckled darkly, pressing your breasts on his hot chest and your clothed pussy on the tip of his stiff length, rutting against it, making him hiss your name.

“I have no intention of being leftovers,” he growled into your ear.

Your eyes flew open as his lips transfixed to the space under your ear, sucking hard, forcing you to squeeze your thighs at the attack on your erogenous zone, sparks of arousal flinching through you, soaking your panties. You gasped, hips bucking into his needily, barely processing his words, his tongue flicking against your throbbing skin, lips and teeth, and then his mouth was moving, traveling up your earlobe, nipping at the curve, your eyelids fluttering, clutching his purple ponytail tightly.

How did he know? Did he ask your previous conquests to spill the information? There was no time to think, his hands traveling up your back, clenching fistfuls of your shirt and digging his nails into your back, your body responding and squirming against him, the quiet whine of his name escaping your lips and drifting right into his ear.

“J… Jungkook…”

He groaned, turning your head forcefully, him kissing you this time, just as ravenous, just as powerful, basically simulating sex in the middle of the fucking club with the way your hips were twisting into his and he was thrusting back against you, breathless, whispering in your mouth so only you could hear his words resonate in your chest.

“Fuck, you’re so hot, you turn me on so fucking easily, I just have to have you,” he murmured, his forehead pressed against yours, capturing your lips again and again. “There’s no way you’re any good for me, but I don’t care, fuck.”

You snickered, eye to eye, trapped in those expanding pupils and his heavy pants. “They say the same about you, Jeon Jungkook.”

You felt him smirk. “Nah, not me. No one calls me the spawn of Satan.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You sure? Because I do.”

Jungkook’s tongue licked your lips, making your shiver in delight. “That was special treatment. Just for you.”

Hold on a second.

Through your hazy buzzed brain, you began to piece the puzzle together. With each part falling into place, the amusement in Jungkook’s eyes grew and grew, seeing you fill in the missing blanks. Your eyes widened and you curled a finger around his ponytail, yanking roughly to pull his grinning face away from yours. You jerked back, but his strong hands held you in place.

Wispy strands of violet framing that devious expression.

“Taehyung,” you breathed, venomous.

Jungkook had the audacity to cock an eyebrow.

“Yep.”

You were going to kill Taehyung. That little shit! Taehyung was no idiot, so he must have planned this somehow. He always telling you to get serious and stop messing around. That’s why Jungkook always knew who you were dating, where you were, and what you were wearing! Did Taehyung recruit Jeon Jungkook to trick you? Fuck! He was dead meat, scheming against you like this!

Jungkook brought you out of your homicidal tendencies with a soft drawl of your name.

“For the record, he was helping me out,” he murmured, pulling you to him, pressing your chest to his. You narrowed your eyes, his hard cock still throbbing against your panties. “I want you.”

He lowered his face, breathing hard.

“Not just like this.”

Your eyes widened.

“I said I’m not going to be leftovers.” Looking deep into your eyes, holding you tightly. “I’m not going to let you throw me away like the rest.” Every inhale making your body rise into his touch, his deep, silvery voice saturated with lust and determination. “I’m going to make you fall in love with me as much as I am in love with you.”

You opened your mouth to retort, but…

Jungkook gave you this look.

The look of ‘you-know-you’ve-already-lost’.

You could sit here and pretend, but you were also grinding back onto his dick right out here in the open, clutching his purple hair and his pretty face. His hard body was tucked snugly in your thighs. That smug little smirk. Shit, shit, shit.

Jeon Jungkook got you and he got you good.

He knew it too, his hands sliding down and grabbing your ass again, rolling his hips into yours.

“Come on. Let’s fuck.”

-

“Oh, fuck, yes, yes, yes!”

Jungkook threw his head back onto his pillows, exposing his straining throat, veins popping out, clutching your hips strongly to rut back against you as you smacked your crotch down onto him, riding him hard and fast, your hands next to his head, his long purple hair a mess even if it was still in the ponytail, sweat glistening on his forehead, moaning loudly with your walls closing in on his hardness. You were too busy fucking the daylights out of him to say anything, but Jungkook had plenty to say, hazy eyes opening and gasping as he viewed your body hovering over him, naked with his hickeys on your neck and breasts, strong thighs flexed on either side of him, his rock-hard cock repeatedly disappearing into your tight, wet hole.

“Fuck, I knew it, I knew you would be so fucking good and so fucking sexy,” he whined, nails digging into your hips and adding more force to your thrusts.

Your clothes and his clothes were all over his bedroom floor.

Your phone was on his nightstand.

Tonight, you sent one text to Kim Taehyung.

I’m gonna buy a bow and arrow and shoot you in the ass.

You screen flashed, indicating Taehyung had replied. One quick flick of your eyes and you smirked.

Oh shit.

Jungkook squeezed your ass, making your return your attention to him.

“Focus on me,” he begged, blown-out pupils. “Only me, please.”

“So needy,” you teased, licking your lips slowly. He groaned under you, mouth opening, his pretty pink tongue lolling out, desperate to be sucked. “If you think you can keep me, you’ll have to last longer than this, Jungkook.”

He swallowed hard at the way you said his name, a mixture of warning and desire.

“P-Please… it’s too good, I-I can’t…”

You redoubled your efforts, roughly slapping your hips into his, enjoying the loud sound and the way your core tightened, constricting him inside you, telling him he couldn’t cum until you did and deliberately holding yourself back, shifting your attention when you felt it rise, denying him over and over, until he was like this, whole body shaking, grasping your ass, sweat on his chest. His right arm, covered in tattoos, looking extra delicious in the moonlight, so fucking perfect with his forearms flexed with tension. You purposefully stared into his brown eyes overtaken with lust, his lips trembling from denying himself his own orgasm.

Jungkook whimpered your name.

On the verge of breaking, helpless at your command.

A sharp throb inside you, wildly turned on by his duality.

You smirked.

“Jungkook.”

You inhaled deeply, sighing in satisfaction with the wave of pleasure, intense shivering pulses running up and down his length, sinking down so he could feel it all, the tight and rough massage of your orgasm taking over, low moan of his name emitting from your throat, and Jungkook followed suit, louder and lewder, eyes rolling back as he shot into the condom with jerking hips, burying the twitching head deep inside you, swelling the latex with thick cum, rocking you back and forth on his length, your juices dripping down and coating the inside of your joined thighs.

“Oh, fuuuuuuuck, so good, s-so fucking good…”

You know what, he was right.

It was so fucking good.

You savored it, the ecstasy that seemed endless and overwhelming, squeezing Jungkook between your thighs and moaning, just something about it, so satisfying and gratifying listening to his wheezing gasps and content whimpers, lowering yourself to his face, and he raised his, your hands sliding under his head, giving him what he wanted, light, maddening, carnal kisses, his cheeks, his chin, his quivering lips, whining your name, pleading with you to play with him more, more, tugging on his ponytail and his hands stroking your breasts, rolling your hard nipples between his index and thumb fingers, shaking at your hissing inhale.

“Hey,” you murmured, clenching him between your legs to get his attention.

Jungkook blinked at you, brown eyes unfocused, panting hard. “Y-Yeah?”

“You should apologize.”

The side of his swollen lips quirked upwards despite his fucked-out state. His deep voice was slightly hoarse. “What for? Tell me and I will.”

You raised an eyebrow. “For your scheming and using my own best friend against me.”

Jungkook smirked slyly.

“I’m sorry.”

He lifted you and made sure he had the condom before he pulled out, still semi-hard. You narrowed your eyes. He sure as hell didn’t sound sorry. Didn’t look sorry either, peeling the condom off and crawling over the bed to toss it in the trash before straightening.

“Sounding insincere there,” you remarked coolly, balancing your chin on the back of your knuckles, elbow on the bed, tapping the air impatiently.

“I mean it,” he purred, reaching for the towel beside the bed and knocking the condoms from his nightstand to the sheets. His right hand wrapped around his glistening length, still covered in lube and his cum, toned hips thrusting into his closed fist, grinning with his lower lip between his teeth as you watched him.

“I’m so, so sorry.”

Slowly jacking himself off as his eyes roamed over your curves, moaning lustfully, lingering on your legs, clutching the towel in his left hand so hard his knuckles were pale, forearms flexed, the slick head of his cock turning purple-red, emerging from between his closed fingers, throbbing as it was choked by his harsh grip.

“Let me make it up to you,” Jungkook shuddered, stroking faster, making wet squelching sounds, his muscular thighs bulging with effort.

Fuck, he was so damn attractive.

You kept an indifferent look on your face, raising your leg, your free hand sliding down, tracing the outside of your already wet opening. Those hungry dark brown orbs immediately fixated on it, moaning imploringly as you dipped your fingers in it, soft squishing noises as you spread open your soaked pussy, slipping a finger in your heat, gently thrusting.

He gasped your name, begging you.

It made you wetter, seeing his want. He knew it too, brutally fisting his cock, hips quivering.

“Stop.”

Jungkook whined despairingly, pulling his hand away, his stiff cock bouncing from the swiftness of the movement, cutting off his own orgasm. He sucked in a shivering breath, tipping his hips up to you so his glossy, hard length twitched.

You shifted, laying back against his pillows, opening your legs.

Smirk on your lips.

“Mmm, fuck, yes, fuck me with that.”

Jungkook smirked back.

It took him no time at all to wipe his hand and crotch off, ripping open another condom and moaning as he rolled it down, the mere contact of the thin encasement stimulating his sensitive skin. He slid up to you, gripping your knees and spreading you even wider, pressing the tip against your drenched heat.

He whispered your name, like sweet smoke.

“Hm?”

Jungkook leaned down, kissing you deeply as he sank into you, drinking in your gasp at the fullness.

“I’m going to make you feel so, so good,” he mumbled into your lips, pecking you softly.

He was about to retreat but your hands snapped up, tangling into his messy violet waves, clutching his ponytail. Jungkook blinked at you, questioning.

“Not too far away,” you said with a playful smile. “I wanna see that handsome face of yours.”

He bit his lower lip, tiny mole and wicked grin revealing themselves.

“Okay.”

He lifted his hips and plunged fully into you, the connection of your hips making a loud, wet smack.

“Fuck, Jungkook…!”

And you could tell from his elated expression and his furious pace that he was ecstatic at your response, chasing it, chasing you, moaning as you caught him between your thighs and wrapped your legs around his waist, gaining some leverage and meeting his thrusts, fingers tightening in his soft hair, fuck, so beautiful, the way the pleasure overtook his handsome features, his hazy dark brown orbs shrouded in lust, his pink lip trembling in his teeth, sharp jaw set, but still maintaining a little bit of that cunning exterior that ensnared you in the first place, unknowingly at the time, the side of his lips ticking up, this cheeky bastard.

Jungkook saw the way you looked at him.

He adjusted the position, hitting deeper, swelling inside you, and, fuck, you couldn’t help it, you smirked too because he was so, so full of himself and so were you, insufferable, troublesome, competitive even now, the obscene smack of his crotch hitting your hips, wet and noisy, the squish of your juices smearing against his inner thighs as you wildly matched his rapid, bruising rhythm, your moans blending together, sweet hot harmony, his bedframe ramming against the wall, and, as usual, neither of you caring, far to occupied with yourselves, pleasure snaking between you, up your spine and into your head, mixing with the light buzz of alcohol, a different kind of euphoria from every other one-night stand, because this was Jeon Jungkook and he wasn’t going to be a one-night stand.

His lower lip popped out of his teeth and he gasped your name.

Longingly, breathlessly.

Was he thinking the same thing?

You lifted yourself a little, your hands molded to his head, whispering intensely against his shaking lips.

“Don’t worry, Jungkook. We have all night and the morning.”

Fuck, he had a brilliant smile.

It was actually doomed for you, but you weren’t mad about it.

Eye contact, and he didn’t waver, thrusting deep into you, low moan pulled from his chest, jolting shudders sliding down his shoulders and then in between you and him, his cock twitching and spilling into the condom again, roughly clamped by your tightness, and you were already there, falling over the edge with a soft cry, straining your neck and pushing his head down to you to collide your lips with his, greedy for his kiss, his taste, his whimpers at your forcefulness.

“Jungkook, ah…”

He said your name in the same tone, delicate and possessive, a bullseye right to the heart.

-

“On one hand, I’m glad you’re finally serious about someone.”

You paid absolutely no attention to the annoyed baritone voice of your best friend.

“On the other hand,” Kim Taehyung gritted out, smacking you in the shoulder blades as you crawled into Jeon Jungkook’s lap, kisses intensifying, a needy whine in his chest, his hands wrapping around your waist. “Really feeling like a third wheel, you two! Stop making out for one goddamn second!”

He threw up his hands as both of you pretended to be deaf.

-

interlude respect drabble — "how much did you see?" popcorn drabble — "who are they?"

part ii threesome, ft kth — got it bad

--

masterpost

[the-iceni-bitch]

Please do 61 with Ransom.

61) “If you don’t change out of those shorts and into some pants I’ll have them around your ankles by lunch time.”

Hmmm, more OTP for all you lovely hoes! You nonnies just keep lobbing em right at me.

This ended up sparking something in me and I ended up writing a full length fic about more escapades with the asshole bunch.

Tagging my babes @chrissquares @stargazingfangirl18 (I’m targeting you a little with this one Siri cuz lacrosse Ransom is def wearing Fila) @subtlebucky @egcdeath

Quick, dirty, outdoor smut!!! No minors!!!

You and Ransom had decided to meet at the park with the other couples in his little asshole group of friends.

It was finally starting to warm up some, and when the boys had brought up getting out the sticks for some lacrosse you had jumped on it. Ransom didn’t have the balls to tell you it was really just a guy thing, you looked so excited about it.

He parked the beemer at the park entrance and grinned when he saw your Volvo already there. He grabbed his sticks and the cooler full of beer from the trunk and headed towards the field where he saw the rest of you gathered.

He groaned as he drew closer and finally got a good look at you as you waved at him. You looked like a preppy dream in a polo shirt and tiny shorts, a headband around your forehead and knee high socks under your cleats.

“Hey baby!” You said giddily as you ran towards him with your stick slung over your shoulders. “Can you believe I still fit in my high school uniform?”

“I think you’re taking this a little too seriously sweetheart.” He grinned, dropping the cooler and catching you when you jumped into his arms and pressed your lips to his with a satisfied hum.

“Says the man who showed up wearing his letterman’s jacket.” You teased as you hopped down and helped him carry the cooler the rest of the way.

“Yeah? Well if you don’t change out of those shorts and into some pants I’ll have them around your ankles by lunch time.” He purred in your ear as you set down the cooler, wrapping his stick around your back and drawing you close.

“Ha! I’m not playing lacrosse in pants, Hugh!” You said with a shake of your head. “But keep that in mind for later. Can you believe none of the other girls brought sticks?”

“Honey, none of them play lacrosse.” He chided as he watched you stretch.

“Well then what’s the point of... oh goddamn it!” You rolled your eyes as you stood up. “This was supposed to be another boy’s outing where I sit with the other girls and get wine drunk wasn’t it? Don’t answer that! Chauvinist assholes...”

He just chuckled as he watched you mutter to yourself angrily, grabbing your extra sticks and storming off towards the other girls, gesturing wildly as you tried to go over the basics with them.

“So, the girls are playing then?” Dylan asked as he came to stand by Ransom, grabbing an IPA from the cooler and taking a gulp.

“Sure seems that way.” Ran answered as he watched you shove a stick at Lexi and make a throwing motion that she tried to emulate feebly.

“Is this gonna be another day of your girlfriend showing us all up, Drysdale?” Chaz asked as he joined the two of them, chuckling as they tried to figure out exactly what you were trying to instruct the girls on now. “Cuz I don’t think my ego can take it.”

“I dunno what to tell you man.” Ran said with a shrug, grabbing himself a beer and drinking deep. “Quit inviting us to this shit if you don’t want her to hand your ass back to you.”

“Alright douchebags, lets play some lacrosse!” You screamed at them, a massive grin splitting your face.

“I can’t decide if having her on my team or playing against her will be worse.” Logan groaned as the four men walked towards the field apprehensively.

“Alright, should we split this up by couples or what?” Dylan asked as Lexi moved to stand next to him.

“Sounds good to me.” You beamed.

“Great, so Y/N, Ran , Chaz and Brit, you guys can play together and me, Jess, Logan, and Lex will be the other team. Girls play defense.”

“Sounds good.” Ran said fast before you had a chance to start an argument, guiding you away from the center of the field quickly.

“But I play attack, babe.” You whined as he walked next to you and stopped in front of the goal.

“Yeah, I think that you playing attack might be a little too much all at once sweetie.” He said with a shrug as he moved to middle position. “Just channel that frustration babe, you’ll do great!”

You just chewed on your lip as you watched Logan and Chaz grapple for the ball. Logan won out, barreling over Chaz and spinning past Ran like a pro. You smirked as you pivoted towards him, bracing yourself as you charged each other.

He shifted his weight to spin around you and you grinned before full body checking him, ripping the stick out of his hand and helicoptering it out of his grip as you tossed him over your shoulder. You scooped the ball up and lobbed it to Ransom as you sprinted up the field. He passed it back to you when Dylan tried to take him down and you snatched it out of the air before diving around a confused looking Lexi and chucking the ball at the net, grinning when it sailed past Jess for a point.

“Goddamn it!” Dylan groaned as you jogged past him back to your position, giving Ransom a celebratory high five that he followed up with a smack on the ass as he grinned at you.

Logan was still trying to stand up as you returned to your defensive position, glaring at you as he ran a hand through his hair.

“How the fuck was that not a foul?!” He seethed at you.

��A foul?!” You shouted with an air of disdain. “Don’t be a pussy Van Doren! You bring that weak shit to my house and I’m serving it right back to you! Right babe?”

“That’s right babe!” Ran shouted back to you as he shrugged apologetically at Logan when he stalked past him.

The rest of the game went about the same, you hardly let anyone past and Logan flinched so bad every time you got near him it was easy for your team to dominate. Dylan finally called a stop after an hour, he and Logan covered in dirt and bruises from the rough play.

“That’s it, we’re done. I need a fucking drink.” He huffed as he dragged himself off the field, Lexi bouncing next to him excitedly. Apparently, one of the things you had been teaching the girls was how to hit, and she had cracked Chaz and Ransom a couple of times. You grinned and congratulated her and the other girls on a game well played as you moved to grab a porter from the cooler.

“Jesus Christ, Drysdale. That woman is a damn menace.” Logan groaned as he grabbed a bag of ice and pressed it against his ribs.

“Yeah, how the fuck do you keep up with her?” Chaz asked, shaking his head as sipped his lager. “She’s barely sweating.”

“I don’t even know man.” He said with a shrug, gasping for air as he chugged his IPA. “She’s a fucking pistol.”

“Not the word I’d use but whatever.” Logan said, annoyed at you two.

“Shut up, L, you’re just pissed she beat the shit out of you.” Dylan said with a grin. “Where you going, Ran?”

“Gotta take a leak!” Ransom lied as he jerked his head towards the trees suggestively after making eye contact with you.

“Scuse me gals, I gotta help Hugh with something.” You said around a grin after chugging the rest of your beer.

“Jesus, you two will do it anywhere, huh?” Brittney said with an eye roll.

You just shrugged at her as you jogged after Ransom towards the small clutch of pines.

Ransom grabbed you around your waist and swung you off your feet when you reached him, making you squeal before he smashed his lips against yours.

“You were amazing.” He purred as he pressed you up against a tree, running his lips up and down your throat and making you whine.

“Yeah, I’m a fucking legend babe. I told you.” You muttered around a grin. “Did you see those hits I landed?”

“Mmhm, sure did.” He mumbled, nipping at the hollow behind your ear that he knew drove you crazy as his hips ground against you.

“You ever eat a legend’s pussy, Hugh?” You teased, starting to shove his head down between your legs.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Y/N!” He whined as you forced him to his knees. “I was kinda hoping we could both get something out of this.”

“Sorry babe, middle gets whatever attack says they get.” You said with a shrug as you slid your shorts off and hooked your leg over his shoulder. “Make me come with that pretty mouth and maybe I’ll let you get your dick wet.”

“Bitch.” He murmured as he started brushing his lips over your inner thigh, no real malice in his tone as he gazed at you through his lashes.

“That’s right Hugh, I’m the fucking bitch. Now lick it.”

He ran his nose over your clothed core and inhaled deeply before shoving your panties aside. You moaned as he dragged his tongue over your slit, lapping up the evidence of your arousal before swirling his tongue through your folds.

His hands moved under your ass and tilted your hips towards his face, giving him even more access to your dripping heat. Your fingers gripped his hair painfully when he flicked his tongue over your asshole in a quick series of kitten licks before moving it in a heavy stripe back up to your clit.

You had to bite your lip to keep from screaming when he slid a finger inside you, curling it in a come hither motion at the same time he pressed his tongue against your clit. He lashed your bundle of nerves lightly as you writhed against him, your head thumping back against the tree as he slipped in a second finger.

His lips wrapped around your clit as he started fucking you with his digits, curling and twisting them inside you so he hit every spot he knew would drive you absolutely crazy. You felt him grin against you as he shook his head to bury himself deeper in your folds, groaning when he felt you clench around his fingers.

“Fuck, Ransom! I’m so close.” You panted breathlessly, grinding your pussy into his face as you neared the edge.

You felt him slide his pinky into your puckered hole, spearing past the tight ring of muscle until you felt the cool metal of his ring against your entrance and you fucking lost it.

Your thighs tried to crush his skull as you came violently, somehow managing to swallow the shriek that tried to rip out of your chest. He moaned as he ran his tongue over your pussy to collect your release as it ran over his fingers while you clenched and fluttered around him.

“How was that, champ?” He said around a wicked grin once you finally released his head, sliding his hands up your body as he stood up.

“Good... it was good.” You panted as he buried his face in your neck.

“Yeah? Good enough for you to help me out, babe?” He asked, grinding his hips into you to show you how hard he was at the same time he wrenched your polo and sports bra up to expose your breasts.

“I think we can work something out.” You murmured as he palmed your breast with one hand while the other splayed over your ass.

“What did you have in mind, sweetheart?” He hummed as his lips moved over your throat softly.

“Oh, I dunno. Something extra special for my favorite middle.” You purred, pushing him away from you a little bit so you could turn around.

“Fuck, really?” He beamed, running his hand over your ass as he pressed you into the tree.

“Really, you did such a good job, baby, you deserve a reward.” You said as you peeked are him over your shoulder. “Now fuck my ass until I come again, Hugh.”

He chuckled darkly into your hair as he slid his shorts down his legs and drew his cock out of his boxer briefs. You moaned as he ran his length through your slick before he pressed his tip against your pretty hole. The groan he let out as he speared into you made your pussy clench around nothing, fluttering as your body tried to draw him as deep as possible until he was fully sheathed in you and his hips were resting against your ass.

“Shit. Oh my god.” He hissed into your shoulder as he stilled his hips for a beat. “You feel so fucking good, baby.”

“Yeah, I know.” You mumbled as the tree bark scratched at your cheek. “Could you move? I’d like to have another orgasm sometime before noon.”

“So fucking bossy.” He groaned before sliding out of you halfway and slamming back into you, making you yelp.

You moaned as he finally started fucking you, his hips moving at a vicious pace as he bounced you against the tree. He wrapped a hand around your throat and squeezed lightly as he drew you back against his chest.

“Love when you let me fuck your ass, baby.” He growled in your ear as his hips slapped against your cheeks, making you mewl as slick started leaking down your thighs from your aching pussy. “Love how wet you get and how you strangle my cock. You want my fingers in that tight little pussy?”

“Yeah.” You whined as he teased his fingers over your clit. “Need you in my pussy so bad Ran, I’m gonna come.”

He sucked your earlobe between his teeth and spanked your pussy before shoving three fingers inside you as you came with a shriek, your body arching against him as you spasmed uncontrollably.

“Jesus, you’re squeezing me so good.” He groaned as you came down, sobbing with pleasure and sagging against him. “I’m gonna fill this ass up.”

You felt his cock throbbing inside you at the same time he twisted his fingers and you screamed, your release gushing out of you and soaking his thighs as he filled you with his spend, pressing you against the tree and sinking his teeth into your shoulder as his hips jerked. He groaned into your hair as he shoved his cum deep inside you and pulled his fingers from your swollen cunt.

“Holy fuck.” He mumbled into your hair before sucking his fingers into his mouth and groaning at your taste.

“Yeah.” You murmured as you yanked your bra and shirt back down and pulled your panties back into place before bending over to slide your shorts back on. “You should’ve lettered in that.”

——————————————————————————

A/N: Not just regular assholes, preppy jock assholes!!!

[somewhatgreatexpectations]

I'll Stand By You (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hello! We've reached Halloween in Westview. I hope you all enjoy!

Songs used: "I'll Stand By You" by The Pretenders (1994) and "This I Promise You" by NSYNC (2000)

Summary: Westview is slowly falling apart as Wanda worries reader is drifting away. With some sibling chaos. I'm bad at summaries. :)

With a sigh, you began making your way downstairs, following the sounds of the commotion. Wearily tugging at the skin-tight suit that you couldn’t seem to avoid wearing for the day.

“Woah, smokin’ costume, sis-in-law!” You heard Pietro whistle which only made you sigh again in exasperation. “If you weren’t already married to witchy over here…” He trailed off as he leaned against the wall.

You rolled your eyes, biting back a chuckle when you saw Anna smack his shoulder. “That’s my sister you’re talking to.” She warned, glaring at Pietro who just laughed in response.

“You and Mom look nice, Momma.” Billy said sweetly with a smile which you easily returned. Reaching over to affectionately ruffle his hair.

“Yeah, Mom is old Red Riding Hood and you’re old green riding hood, Momma.” Charlie said with a laugh, looking at Pietro for approval who merely held up a hand for a high five. You clutched your chest to feign hurt and gave Anna a disbelieving stare when she began to laugh as well.

Much to your annoyance Pietro then turned his attention back to you. “Let me guess, you’re a… woodland fairy queen? Or the woman of my dreams?” He finished with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“Pietro.” Wanda warned. Anna smacked him in the back of the head.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I was going for, Pietro. I live to visually please you.” You quipped back sarcastically.

Before he could say anything else, Wanda walked over to you. Leaning in and pressing a kiss to your lips which you shortly returned. “Thank you for humoring me and wearing this… dramatic get-up, honey.”

“Well, there were no other clothes in my closet, so…” You replied flatly, watching the way Wanda’s smile faltered. Unable to stand seeing the look on her face, you attempted to lighten your tone. “I knew you had a thing for me in tights.”

Her shoulders relaxed when you posed dramatically and sent a teasing smile her way. “I have a thing for you in general.” Wanda said in a husky voice, a small smirk on her lips.

Leaning in closer you matched her smirk, “What a coincidence because I just so happen to have a thing for you as well.”

Wanda let out a quiet giggle and you smiled adoringly at the way her nose scrunched. As Wanda was leaning in again, you turned to face the rest of the family in the living room. Wanda sighed.

A short laugh escaped your lips as you watched Billy and Anna cover Pietro and Charlie’s eyes in a desperate bid to win the video game that they were playing. The laughter faded when you watched Pietro pull out sodas, teaching the twins how to chug the can and then burp much to your annoyance. Anna threw her own can at Pietro’s head.

“It’s wonderful that our siblings are so…” You paused as you watched the four begin wrestling for the remote. “Great with kids.”

Wanda nodded unconvincingly as she watched the scene by your side. “Yeah... They’re just full of surprises.”

Lightly you pat her shoulder as you stepped around her. “Well, good luck with them tonight. I’m sure it’ll be entertaining to say the least.”

Wanda turned to face you, a frown tugging down at the corners of her lips. “What?” She followed after you as you made your way to the door. “What do you mean? You’re all dressed and ready to go.”

You gestured vaguely to yourself. “I’m undercover. Ellie said there’s been mischief running amuck in the community and she suspects neighborhood watch. An inside job, Wanda! I'm an investigative journalist now.” Dramatically you tossed your cape over your shoulder for emphasis.

The frown on Wanda’s face remained as she shook her head lightly, “But that’s not what you’re supposed to…”

Skeptically you eyed Wanda. “What do you mean supposed to?”

“You didn’t tell me you had plans.” She eventually grumbled in annoyance, ignoring the question entirely.

“Well, I’m telling you now.” You replied with a small shrug.

Her eyes gleamed with frustration as if she couldn’t believe the words you were saying. “It’s the twins first Halloween. You have to be there.”

Anna and Pietro stepped over before you could get a word out. “Woah, what’s the big deal?” Pietro asked as he teasingly placing his hands in between you both like you were about to start fighting. “I’m much more fun than Y/n. No offense, you’re still smokin’.” He winked your way and you gagged.

Anna pushed him away and turned to Wanda with a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, Wanda. We can help with the twins. It’ll still be fun.”

“Uncle Petey to the rescue, huh?” Pietro added with a goofy grin.

You clapped his shoulder and turned to Wanda. “Sure… Petey. Problem solved. Have a spooky time tonight, kiddos. I love you!” You called out to Billy and Charlie who were engrossed in their game.

“Love you.” They called back distractedly, never taking their eyes off the screen.

Hesitantly you stepped back over to Wanda, ignoring the gloomy expression on her face as you lightly caressed her cheek.

With a small smile you leaned in and kissed her other check. “Be good.” You whispered before pulling away. Once again, you posed dramatically, smirking when Wanda begrudgingly replicated the action. “Time to solve this case!” With a final toss of your cape you left.

Wanda’s shoulders drooped slightly as the door closed behind you. Seconds later, you poked your head back in. “I forgot to say… you look beautiful, my love.” You called out sincerely, sending a wink Wanda’s way before shutting the door behind yourself again.

The blush on Wanda’s cheeks made both Pietro and Anna smirk in amusement.

____________

“Unleash hell, demon spawn!” Pietro called after the twins with a smile as they walked off to one of the houses with Anna. He furrowed his eyebrows questioningly when he noticed Wanda staring at him.

Wanda attempted to force an easygoing smile on her lips. “Do you remember when we were at the orphanage and there was this song that we used to sing? The one that would play on the radio whenever the soldiers radio frequencies would interfere with the our frequencies? It went like,” Pietro just stared, his head tilted slightly. “Let me come along, ‘cause even if you’re wrong-”

“-I’ll stand by you, I’ll stand by you. Won’t let nobody hurt you. I’ll stand by you.”

You sat patiently outside the door, the music playing quietly on your phone to break up the silence that surrounded you. And possibly send a message to the woman who was currently ignoring you.

Natasha walked over and kneeled by your side. “Are you planning on staying out here all night?” In response you lifted your shoulders slightly in a small shrug. “You should at least eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.” You murmured, spinning the rings on your fingers absently.

With a sigh Natasha stood up and gently pat your head. “I’m going to bring you both food. And I expect you both to eat, even if you aren’t talking right now.”

Almost as soon as Natasha had walked away the door behind you opened, causing you to fall backwards. “You can turn the cheesy 90s music off now. I get it.” Wanda said quietly, her posture tense.

You scrambled to shut the music off and rushed to your feet. “Hi.” You said nervously.

From where you stood you could see Wanda fight a smile. “You’ve been sat outside my room for three hours and all you came up with was hi?”

Shyly you rubbed your arm. “I did have a whole speech planned out in my head but looking at you now I can’t seem to think of anything other than you.”

Wanda melted with your words and you could see the frustration in her eyes begin to fade away. “Did you really mean what you said? That you don’t care?”

Tentatively you reached out and took her hands. “Never. Not about you. I was talking about myself. I will care about you forever.” Care was a placeholder for what you truly wanted to say and you both knew it. "I'm sorry for making you think I didn't."

With a sigh, Wanda pulled you into her arms. “Well I care about you, so if you care about me you also have to care about yourself.”

You buried your face in her neck, breathing in her sweet scent. “Okay. I care...” You mumbled letting the silence wash over the moment. “Did we just have our first fight? I hated every minute of that.”

Wanda’s chuckled slightly. “Yeah. Me too…” Her eyes shone brightly with amusement as she gently tilted your head up to meet her lips, finding comfort in your touch.

You were her safety.

Impatiently Pietro snapped his fingers in Wanda’s face, squinting his eyes slightly at her expression. “You’re testing me.” He said flatly with a knowing point of his finger.

Wanda quickly feigned innocence, still shaking away the memory that had filled her mind. “No, I’m not.” She insisted.

Wanda was testing him though. She knew he wouldn’t know that song. He shouldn’t have.

In response he waved a hand dismissively as he gestured vaguely to his face. “Hey, it’s cool. I know I look different.”

Unable to help herself, Wanda nodded. Her brows furrowed. “Why do you look different?”

Pietro shrugged. “You tell me. I mean, if I found Shangri-La I wouldn’t want to be reminded of the past either.” Wanda looked back at him pensively.

Anna then rushed back with the twins. “Your turn, Uncle Petey!” She exclaimed patting Pietro on the shoulder.

“Alright, Uncle Petey’s about to maximize your candy acquisition. Not like your lame Aunt Annie over here.” He joked, ruffling Anna’s hair who just smacked his hand away. He offered a hand to Charlie who eagerly took it as Billy linked on.

Before Wanda could even blink they had sped away. “I’m beginning to think he’s a bad influence.”

Anna spun around to face her. “Beginning? I hate to break it to you, Wanda, but between the two of us I’m the only good role model here.”

Wanda just shook her head in amusement when someone in the distance caught her attention. “I’ll be right back, Anna.” Anna nodded and ran to try to catch up to the twins. Wanda made her way over to the person of interest. “Hello, Ellie.”

Ellie turned to face Wanda a mild look of surprise covering her features. “Hi, Wanda. Where’s your lovely wife?”

The polite smile that Wanda had grown so accustomed to made an appearance. “Oh, it’s okay you don’t have to be secretive. Y/n told me about the undercover piece about neighborhood watch that you have her working on.”

Curiously Ellie quirked her eyebrows. “I haven’t assigned Y/n to any undercover pieces.”

Wanda’s smile wavered slightly. “Oh. I thought… I thought she…” Her lips pulled down slightly in thought.

Ellie shifted nervously in the silence as her brows furrowed in concern. “Is there something I can do for you, Wanda?” She continued on before Wanda could utter a response. “Do you want something changed?”

A confused chuckle fell from Wanda’s lips. “No. It’s fine. I must have just misheard her this morning.”

“If you say so. Tell Y/n I said hello.” Ellie finally replied, sending a wink Wanda’s way as she walked off.

“Hey, that woman looked so much like Amelia. Y/n loved her.” Wanda jumped at Anna’s sudden appearance. Her eyes clouded over when she processed what the teenage girl had just said.

__________________

“This is so lame. I can’t believe you’re making them return all the candy.” Pietro grumbled with a roll of his eyes.

Wanda crossed her arms indignantly. “Well, I can’t believe what a bad influence you are.”

“That’s why I’m better.” Anna added in a sing song voice.

Pietro sneered. “Oh, shut it, pipsqueak. We’re here to do the exact same thing, okay? Come to town unexpectedly, create tension with the sis-in-law, stir up trouble with the rugrats and ultimately… Give Wanda grief.”

Anna huffed when Wanda looked at her suspiciously. “I mean, that’s what you wanted, isn’t it?” She asked, her tone dripping with irritation that was a stark contrast to her positive attitude earlier.

The confusion at the situation caused Wanda to purse her lips as she allowed herself to consider the two people before her. “Anna, weren’t you six when Hydra… I mean, you weren’t a teenager when you…” She trailed off slightly, not wanting to finish the thought.

The younger girl rolled her eyes defensively. “Look, that was years ago. I aged. That’s what happens inn life, isn’t it?” Anna crossed her arms when Wanda didn't seem convinced. “I don’t know, okay?”

Wanda frowned slightly then turned her attention to Pietro. “And you. What happened to your accent?”

“What happened to yours?” Pietro countered defensively. He sighed when Wanda leveled him with an unimpressed stare. “Look. Details are fuzzy, man. For both of us. All I remember is getting shot like a chump in the streets for no reason at all. Next thing I know, I heard you calling us.”

Anna stepped forward, nodding along with Pietro. “We knew you needed us.”

The words hung in the air like an unanswered question. “Uncle P, Auntie A, guess what?” Charlie shouted excitedly effectively ending the conversation as she rushed over with Billy.

“There’s a treasure bag with full sized candy bars on the lamp post!” Billy pointed up eagerly at the post that was hanging directly above their heads. “Mom, can you help us get it?”

The sound of metal crunching filled the air as Charlie waved a hand. The lamppost giving way easily as she skipped over and took the bag off the light. “Next stop, Cavity Town!” She cheered as she walked back over and passed one of the treats to Billy.

“My niece is a badass!” Pietro hollered as he lifted Charlie on his shoulders. Wanda couldn't help the pride that bubbled in her chest as she watched her daughter's powers develop. She wished you would have been there to see it too. “Just like your uncle P! Chip off the old Maximoff block!”

Anna coughed pointedly. “Manipulating earth and metal? Sounds a lot like the badass comes from my genes.”

“It’s okay, baby. You can take it slow, and you can-” Wanda’s words were interrupted as Charlie began flying through the sky, cheering all the while. Wanda shook her head in amusement at the way Charlie smoothly flew through the air, her smile unwavering.

Billy watched his twin excitedly which Wanda took note of.

When Charlie floated too low, Wanda grabbed her foot and gently pulled her down. “If you’re going to explore, please just take your brother with you.” Wanda said seriously.

“Really?” Billy asked happily.

“Really?” Charlie repeated with a pout.

Wanda bit back a smile as she nodded. “Really. And please, just remember-”

“Don’t go past Ellis Avenue.” They responded in unison.

“We know, Mom. We know.” Charlie said dismissively as she offered her hand to Billy and a moment later they floated into the air.

Pietro and Anna shook their heads. “Be careful! I love you!” Wanda shouted after the twins.

_________________

For the past several hours a feeling of discomfort had settled in your chest as you wandered the city of Westview. The feeling reached its breaking point when you watched a woman frozen in time, replicating the same action again and again. The moment solidified your resolve. You needed to see what was outside this city. To see if all these odd occurrences were just that… odd occurrences.

You didn’t want to believe it was Wanda. It couldn’t be.

In a bid of desperation, you took advantage of one of your new-found skills and allowed yourself to fly into the skies of Westview. Everything looked completely normal... Except for one set of lights stopped strangely at the edge of the town.

Curiosity got the better of you as you flew over to investigate the scene. The sight of the stalled car unnerved you as you wearily made your way over to the driver’s side. “Agnes? What are you doing here?”

Despite the question, Agnes continued to stare off into the distance, almost as if you weren’t there at all. “Took a wrong turn.” She lifted her shoulders in a slight shrug. You worriedly took note of the way her eyes were glossed over with unshed tears despite her face being completely void of emotion. “Got lost.”

Her words were monotonous which was so out of character for the woman you’d seen before. You frowned. “Lost? In the town you grew up in?” There was no response from the other woman as she continued to stare blankly ahead. Your fingers tingled with uneasy energy. “I wonder…” Hesitantly you lifted your hand until it hovered over her temple. You closed your eyes as you focused, becoming one with the earth’s current until a short burst of light drifted from the tips of your fingers into the side of Agnes’ temple.

With a gasp, she sprung back to life. Agnes desperately took your hands, pulling you down. “You! You’re one of the Avengers! Are you here to help us?”

“I do want to help.” You assured her. “But what’s an Avenger?”

Agnes pulled her hands away as if she’d been burned. “What? Why don’t you know?” Suddenly she began patting herself down anxiously. “Am I dead?”

Your brows furrowed in concern. “No, no, why would you think that?”

There was a brief pause before Agnes turned her attention back to you. “Because you are.”

The tightness in your chest increased tenfold. “I am what?”

“Dead. You’re dead. Dead, Dead!” Agnes shouted hysterically causing you to flinch back involuntarily.

Determinedly you pushed forward again, ignoring her words. “Agnes, I want to help. I’m going to get help. To reach someone outside of Westview and figure everything out.”

“How? No one leaves. Wanda won’t even let us think about it.” Manic laughter startled you into silence as she continued. “All is lost. We’ll never escape her.”

Despite numerous attempts to call out to her, Agnes’ laughter never stopped. The unsteady tingling in your fingers began again as you took a deep breath and grounded yourself with the earth once more. You lifted your hand to her temple and almost as soon as the light entered her temple the laughter stopped.

“I will fix this.” You declared softly.

A caricature of a smile overcame her features. “Alrighty, neighbor!” She said as she turned the car around. “Happy Halloweenie!”

With a new sense of determination, you marched forward into the open field in the distance. The soft buzzing of static becoming louder and louder the further into the field you ventured.

Cautiously you reached a hand out to touch where the sound seemed to be coming from only to be met with resistance even though nothing was there. Confusion took hold of your emotions as you watched the costume you were wearing transform into your typical clothes as you pushed your arm through the energy barrier.

Knowing this was the only way, you pushed forward, feeling as if your mind was being wiped clean the further you walked.

The pain was becoming unbearable, but you knew you couldn’t turn back.

As the pain worsened, a quiet song began playing in your mind, almost as it was attempting to comfort you.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Look at me.” A soft hand on your face tilted your chin up. Her eyes were flooded with worry but her gentle touch brought you comfort. “This might hurt a bit, but we have to do this.”

A soft groan fell from your lips as you could feel the first stitch begin to close your wound. “Wait, wait.” You hissed, pushing her hand away from your bleeding side.

Her fingers gently brushed through your hair. “Y/n. You’re bleeding, we need to stitch this up now.” You knew she was right, but you still wanted to roll away. The woman quickly scrambled to her feet, stepping away for a moment before rushing back with a small device in her hands. “Here. Focus on the music. Focus on me. Not on the pain.”

“I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before and I promise never will you hurt anymore. I give you my word, I give you my heart. This is a battle we’ve won and with this vow, forever has now begun…”

When the song from the radio reached your ears, a choked laugh fell from your lips despite the pain you were in. “Did you plan for the cheesiest 90s song to play?”

In response she smiled ever so slightly, but her eyes remained focused on the task. “I didn’t, I swear. Guess I just got lucky.”

“Yeah. Me too…”

Staring up at her made it impossible for you to focus on anything else as you processed the words that floated from the radio. She was done before the song had even finished. You didn’t feel a thing.

“I didn’t see they were government agents.” You murmured guiltily after a moment as you watched her wrap your now stitched up side.

Her concerned eyes met yours. “Y/n, I don’t blame you. I’m just glad you’re okay. I was so scared I wouldn’t get there in time. That I wouldn’t be able to protect you. I... care about you.” Her words were sincere as her thumb lightly caressed your cheek. The placeholder word from your past making a comeback.

The small box of a room that was your newest hideout was dingy, but with her here it was the most beautiful place in the world.

Your chest tightened with familiar feelings that you spent so long avoiding. “Can you hold me?” You looked away as you asked, still not used to the vulnerability.

“Of course.” She breathed out, carefully helping you to bed before gathering you in her arms. Her heartbeat against your ear was the sweetest song you had ever heard. You had never felt safer than when you were in her arms.

Wanda was your safety.

“Wanda.” You gasped out, feeling yourself refocus on the current world around you as thoughts of Wanda flashed through your mind. Of Wanda smiling. Of Wanda laughing. Of Wanda crying. It was all there again.

Until it wasn’t.

With a gasp you fell to the floor, clutching your head, feeling yourself – your mind - begin to fade away.

“Why aren’t you helping her? Something is wrong with her, she needs help!” You heard a voice scream anxiously. You looked up just in time to see the woman get held back by someone. “Steve! Natasha! Help her!” She cried out holding her ear as a man tugged her arm down and handcuffed her to a car.

Despite the pain coursing through your veins you continued to weakly crawl forward. The threat of losing consciousness and the sense of who you were increasing the further out you moved from the barrier. “Th-they need h-elp.” You gritted out, not remembering why, but knowing it was why you were there. One of your arms gave out from under you as you fought to keep your eyes open.

The bespectacled woman watched you with growing concern, tugging desperately at the handcuffs that kept her in place. “Steve, Natasha, you need to hurry.” She said quietly, her eyes widening when you fell to the floor.

Everything went dark.

__________________

There was a comfortable silence in the air and Wanda could almost allow herself to relax as she sat on one of the bales of hay while the twins played on their own in the town square.

Almost.

“Where were you hiding all these kids up until now?” Pietro suddenly questioned with a smirk.

“What?” Wanda replied in surprise.

Anna leaned back on her hands, feigning amusement. “I assume she let them all sleep peacefully in their beds.” She picked at the hay in disinterest. “No need to traumatize beyond the occasional holiday cameo, right?”

Pietro rolled his eyes. “Hey, back off. She’s the empathetic twin.”

“I don’t-… I didn’t-” Wanda stuttered. Anna smirked slightly.

Waving his hands dismissively, Pietro continued. “She handled all the ethical considerations of this scenario as best she could.” Wanda’s mind seemed to be put at ease as Pietro’s speech continued. “Families and couples stayed together, most personalities are the same, people got better jobs. Better style, for sure.”

Flicking a piece of hay at Pietro’s head, Anna added. “Convincing my sister that she’s in love with her.”

Wanda turned her head sharply at Anna’s words. “What do you mean convincing? Y/n loves me.” Her brows furrowed as she considered Anna’s words. “She does.”

A laugh fell from Anna’s lips. “You can cut the act, Wanda. Pietro and I know everything.”

“I’m not acting. Y/n and I love each other.” Wanda defended quietly, trying desperately not to let Anna’s words get to her.

Anna shrugged. “If that’s what you need to tell yourself. Y/n was in love with Amelia- sorry, you renamed her Ellie.” She smirked when she saw Wanda’s fingers flex slightly. “They were soulmates. They made the best team. I’ve never seen Y/n more in love than she was with her.”

Wanda’s jaw clenched, and Anna’s smirk grew.

“Do it. Make her go away.” Pietro encouraged Wanda when familiar red tendrils began drifting from her fingers.

Anna tilted her head in mock sympathy. “What? You don’t want to hear the truth?”

With a wave of her hand, Anna slumped on the hay. Pietro cheered. “She’s just sleeping. She’ll be up in a few minutes.” Wanda said quietly, feeling the shame creep up on her as she tried to shake Anna’s words. Pietro laughed, and she turned to face him. “You don’t think it’s wrong?” Wanda asked quietly, her voice uncertain.

“What, are you kidding? I’m impressed! Seriously.” He admitted with a knowing smile. “It’s a pretty big leap from giving people nightmares and shooting red wiggly-woos out of your hands.”

For a moment Wanda stared off in the distance, allowing his words to wash over her.

“How’d you even do all this?” He finally asked. Wanda shifted uncomfortably at the question. “Hey, I’m not some stranger, or your wife, or your wife’s annoying little sister. I'm your brother. You can talk to me.”

Wanda’s eyes began to glisten to unshed tears as she thought over his question. “I don’t know how I did it.” She admitted quietly. “I… I only remember feeling completely alone. Like I was drowning. Just… Endless nothingness. Empty.” A tear fell down Wanda’s cheek.

“Mom! Mom!” Wanda heard Billy call out to her frantically as he ran over with Charlie following closely behind him. Wanda quickly composed herself.

Rushing over to the twins, Wanda felt dread build in her chest. “What is it, Billy?”

“I hear Momma. In my head! She’s in trouble.” The fear on his face made Wanda’s concern increase tenfold as her stomach dropped. “I don’t know understand. What’s happening to me?”

Wanda placed comforting hands on his shoulders as she struggled to control her emotions. “Where is she? Where is your mother?”

“Hey, don’t sweat it, sis. It’s not like your dead wife can die twice.” Pietro flippantly replied with a chuckle.

Anger. That's all she felt when Pietro spoke so dismissively about you. Unable to control her anger, Wanda shot out a hand as Pietro was sent flying back from the force of her powers.

Taking a breath, Wanda turned back to her terrified son. “Billy, I need you to focus.”

Closing his eyes, Billy began recounting what he saw. “I can’t tell. I see these… soldiers.” Wanda tensed even more. Billy gasped. “They think she’s dying!”

For a moment Wanda was sure her heart stopped.

Thinking quickly, she turned away from Billy, her eyes glowing red.

.

.

.

Steve and Natasha ran up just as the walls of the barriers began moving forward. They continued to sprint forward while Haywards minions made desperate attempts to run away.

“Y/n!” Steve cried out, feeling fear seep into his bones when he saw your lifeless form sprawled out on the empty field. On numb legs he began moving faster. Hopelessly, he was forced to watch the red energy wash over you once again.

Natasha cursed as they lost sight of your body. The red barrier continued to push forward when they were mere feet away from Darcy. “Fu-” They heard her mumble through a wince as she also became lost behind the barrier.

“We have to get in there!” Steve shouted.

With determination, Natasha nodded. “Let’s try.” A moment later they were pushing against the red energy that was fighting against letting them in.

Annnnnd we have concluded with the 90s! Chaos is the main population of Westview right now. A lot happened here. I'm not even sure what to say to be completely honest. A little nervous about this part.

Anyway...

As always, thoughts and comments are always welcome! Let me know what you think. :)

Taglist:

@theofficialzivadavid // @tquick99 // @abimess // @marrymemcgrath // @the-camilucha // @afuckingshituniverse //@pxterstrk // @aimezvousbrahms // @ensorcellme // @sapphicshots

[3pirouette]

Fic: The Honey Trap (8/?)

Title: The Honey Trap

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :) 

Story Summary: Peggy’d lost count. She wasn’t sure if she was a double or triple agent at this point, and in the end, it didn’t matter. What mattered was getting out of this alive.

A/N: Still chugging away at this. It looks like I won't be able to stick to a rigid posting schedule due to RL commitments, so updates will come when I can. I promise, there is an end, and it's not abandoned. Please hang in there with me.

Chapter 8: Love Letters

February, 1945

It was ludicrously simple to feed Wallace information. As far as he was concerned, Peggy and Steve were having face to face meetings and she was bringing him back tiny tidbits of verbal information. At least, that had been what she told him.

What she hadn’t told Wallace about were the letters.

They’d settled on letters, because Steve could get her those even when he wasn’t in London, and it was brilliant. He slipped them in her purse and down her cleavage when they were together and in full view of their Hydra tails, and sent them by courier to “avoid” the censoring of the government when he was away.

Peggy swore up and down Steve was giving her very little, and fed the man only the tiniest bits of information that he pretended was very helpful. Wallace, knowing very well from her Hydra tail that she was getting letters, was only too happy to go through her desk and start reading them. She kept the stack in her desk drawer, and always gave Wallace time to read them while she wasn’t in the room- finding excuses to pop to the loo or hide in her bedroom for a moment. He was good, but he wasn’t good enough to notice she’d set a piece of chalk on the bottom edge of the back of the drawer where she kept her letters, so she knew each time he opened it and read them.

He thought he was getting highly detailed information about the Allied troops and feeding it to Hydra.

Instead, he was being fed exactly what Phillips wanted him to know, and after a couple of planned “successes” for Hydra, it led to three ambushes of Hydra teams and the capturing of two very high-profile Hydra operatives.

Steve’s letters made him sound like a lovelorn simpleton, detailing troop movements so she’d supposedly know where he was and what he was doing, fully of sappy language and grand declarations of love.

For Peggy, the letters contained highly coded messages. First, she had to decode them with the cipher in her compact, and then decode that with the numerical Commando cipher she already knew. Peggy knew the real operations, the real troop movements, Steve’s real assignments, and whatever information they needed her to feed Wallace.

It was working like a charm.

For her part, Peggy had been able to supply Steve a steady stream of intel from Wallace using Howard’s pen camera and the cigarette case telegraph. It wasn’t that he was sloppy, but now that she was lying to him, he seemed to trust her more.

It was something she’d seen over and over- when the target thought they were getting just want they wanted, they turned a blind eye to the things that should have been giant, waving red flags. He left paperwork out. He took phone calls where she could hear him. He took her to dinner parties where Hydra operatives talked in German about missions and inventions, assuming she didn’t know the language while she pretended to be engrossed in small talk with the wives.

What she didn’t have yet, what she needed, was access to the new research. She needed to get closer to Schmidt, closer to what made Hydra tick, so she could figure out how to take them down, not just stop troop movements here and there.

February trudged on, long and cold with the Commandos stuck in the Rhineland and icy, pelting rain and slushy snow making London miserable. Peggy made her way through each day, typing away at transmissions and letters in the typing pool, decoding orders and “slipping” information to Wallace with a smile. Steve’s letters were the only connection she had to him as the weeks wore on and their last rendezvous seemed farther and farther away.

Late at night, Peggy re-read his letters when she was alone, trying to force sleep to come. They were sappy, and silly, and meant for other people to read, but every few sentences there would be a line, a few words, that she knew were his own. He’d told her, the last time he saw her, that he tried to put at least two true things into every letter, and it was always right after he’d written her name so she’d know it was true.

Peggy, I love you.

Peggy, I miss you so much sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe.

Peggy, I’m going to make good on all those promises to take you on real dates.

Peggy, the sunset over the mountains last night reminded me of you, and I wish you’d have been there with me to see it.

Peggy, I’m glad you’re not here, no one should be out here.

Peggy, when this is all over, I’m going to ask you to marry me.

She always saved that one for last, because it filled her with the most hope. One day, this war would be over and she’d never have to pretend to love another man. One day, they’d never have to pretend again.

~*~ March 1945

She found it odd, trying to play the double agent at this point, and an inexperienced one, at that. Peggy slipped her coat tighter around herself, sliding around the edge of the inn. She was supposed to be seen, but she was trying not to be, at the same time.

Sometimes keeping it all in order set her mind whirling and she had to go back to the basics, back to the cover story to keep it all straight. Playing everything so earnestly was hard, and she was starting to lose herself.

It had been so long since she’d said goodbye to the Allied camp that this reality seemed the only one.

She liked the women in the typing pool where she worked in London. Once they’d stopped speculating about her and actually spoke to her, she found most of them quite lovely.

Sometimes she lost herself and genuinely enjoyed the company of the people Richard brought her around, they all seemed so normal talking about lunches and rationing and longing for days before the war, until she watched them stand and perform the single and double armed salutes with purpose and she grew nauseous at the idea that she forgot they were the enemy.

Sometimes, when she started to see the humans and not the Nazi party, when she started to sympathize with the young mothers who passionately just wanted a better future for their children and didn’t understand the lengths the men at the front lines were going to, she didn’t know who she was.

Deep cover did that to people. It was doing it to her.

It had been too long since she’d seen Steve, and even though his letters came like clockwork, she was starting to feel unmoored, starting to feel adrift in the lies. Keeping track of what she had told Wallace, what she was supposed to think he knew, what he knew and what she really knew he knew was getting exhausting and confusing. She was tracking real and fake troop movements, letting slip false information and protecting real information while getting every bit of intel from him that she could.

It wasn’t much, but she was working on it. The dinner parties weren’t fun, but they were chock full of information and were increasing in frequency. And she’d finally, finally gotten a break that might just bring this all to an end if she could just hang on a little longer.  

Peggy kept to the shadows of the building, forcing herself to remember how this was going to work. Wallace had said they’d be able to hear, not see.

Crikey O’Rilley, she hated that, but she had to go along with it. Peggy’d lost count. She wasn’t sure if she was a double or triple agent at this point, and in the end, it didn’t matter. What mattered was getting out of this alive.

She stopped and knocked on the door, slipping one hand into her pocketbook. By the time Steve opened the door, she was rimming her lips with a fresh coat of red, the tiny light on the outside of the lipstick container blinking bright green at him, alerting him to the fact that she was wired.

He nodded, but the smile didn’t fade from his face, and his voice didn’t waiver when he said her name and stepped aside to let her enter. She slipped the lipstick away as she moved past him into the small rented room, Steve shutting and locking the door. She could feel her heart pounding.

“It’s been so long,” she whispered, looking up at him, tears in her eyes.

He didn’t let another second go by before sweeping her up into his arms. “I know. I’m sorry.”

She clutched at him, tears coming hard and fast, and they didn’t need to say anything for long minutes as they just held one another until she caught her breath. They both knew someone was listening, both knew they had a part to play that wasn’t planned, but for just a few moments, in silence, they could be themselves.

Peggy pulled away far enough to put a foot of space between then, dropped her bag on the floor and shrugged off her coat.

Steve watched as she started to unbutton her blouse, swallowing hard. “Peg…”

She shushed him with a silent finger to her lips, and stopped only halfway down her chest, opening her blouse to reveal the wires taped to her chest. “I’m afraid I can’t stay, Steve.”

His reaction was real. They’d been expecting for some time Wallace would bug them, or find a way to surveil them closer, but she knew Steve wasn’t prepared for this. Wide eyed and surprised, he looked her up and down. “What? Why?”

“I’ve come to stop this.” She shook her head and pointed at the wire, pleading with him to understand. “Things have changed quite suddenly and…”

“And what?” He asked, stepping closer, hands fidgeting, energy building up in him as he tried to figure out what to do with the situation.

“And I’m leaving with Richard.” She nodded, telling him this was true. “He’s offered me more than you can. Offered to take me away from this damned war.” Tears pooled in her eyes, but she pointed to her purse. Steve dropped down, rummaging through it quietly as she kept on. “What can you give me but eternal war? You know they’ll never let you stop, never let ‘Captain America’ retire, and I deserve more than that.”

Steve sat back on the floor, holding up a blank envelope. She nodded, but it didn’t change the devastation on his face. “I don’t understand, Peg.” He took a slow breath and added the next part for the wire’s benefit,  “I thought you loved me.”

She pressed her lips together and looked away, fighting the tears. “I do. I don’t think anything will ever change that.”

Steve scrambled to his feet, taking her into his arm. “Please don’t do this, Peg.”

She pulled back and kissed him, desperately at first then taking on a feeling of softness as the seconds ticked by before she pulled away. “You know why I’m doing this,” she whispered, eyes finding his.

He could only nod.

It’s all in there, Peggy mouthed, nodding her head towards the letter in his hand, Find me. She took a deep breath and stepped away, buttoning up her shirt. She bent, throwing her trench coat on quickly and shoving her bag over her shoulder. When she stood, she looked over her shoulder at him.

Without thinking, Steve dropped the letter and picked her up, pressing her against the door and kissing her with all the desperation and passion he felt. She wrapped her legs and arms around him, giving in and letting herself indulge. He pulled away far too quickly, but kept his eyes on her as he snaked a hand down her shirt and crushed the bug between his fingers.

Peggy shook her head, tears coming fast. “Now that you’ve done that I really must go,” she whispered.

“Tell me. Fast,” he begged, holding her tight and running a gentle hand over her cheek.  

“He’s gotten us an audience in Berlin, but we must leave tonight.” She searched his eyes, begging him to believe her as she nuzzled into his touch. “I think…” She took a deep breath, her face as serious as she could make it. “I think I can get to Schmidt.”

“Damn it.” He whispered, setting her down. “You have to go.”

She kissed him quickly. “I have to go.” She pulled away and set her skirt to rights. “Everything’s in the letter. Same ciphers.” She put her hand on the doorknob, reluctant even though she knew what she had to do. She clutched her shirt tight. “Come find me, Steve, and we can end this.”

Peggy pulled the door open and huffed out. “And you’ve broken a button, you brute!” she yelled behind her, stomping her foot and wiping at her tears. “I never want to see you again!” Peggy stooped down, picking up a rock and throwing it at Steve as he stood in the doorway. He closed the door just quick enough to avoid getting pelted, but Peggy didn’t miss that the curtain to his room moved as she moved quickly away, not even pretending to sneak as she set herself in the car in the back of the lot.

She sat heavily in the back seat. Wallace and his Hydra contact stared at her. Wallace’s eyes were dark but calmed somewhat, confused to see her crying, make-up irrevocably smudged. “What… what happened?” Wallace asked almost gently.

“Your wire stopped,” the agent accused sharply.

“He got fresh is what happened,” Peggy spat out, carefully pulling the crushed wire from under her shirt and presenting it to them. “I was able to hide it from him but it got crushed in the process.” She sniffed and tossed the wires into the front seat, looking away. “Thought he could give it a good go of getting me in bed to change my mind.” She huffed, leaning back. “Can we leave?”

Wallace seemed mollified, and waved his hand, letting the agent know to set the car in motion. “Don’t worry, Maggie. We’ll be in Berlin before you know it, then the Alps after that.”

~*~ The Next Day

“Jesus, she’s good,” Howard sat at his desk, scribbling down the decoded message as he went through the letter for the second time. He looked up at Phillips. “We’ve been searching for Hydra on the wrong side of the Alps.”

“What?” Phillips barked, setting his elbows on the table. “Sit down Rogers, you’re making me seasick.”

Steve stopped his pacing and set himself in the seat across from Phillips, but still fiddled with his hands on the edge of his shirt. “You didn’t see her, sir, she was—”

“You think I can’t tell that from how you’re walking around here?” Phillips shook his head at Steve, then turned back to Howard. “As soon as you have—”

“It’s done.” Howard slid the paper he’d been writing on across the table. “We’re about six-hundred miles off,” he shrugged. “She gave us exact coordinates and dates.” He smiled.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Won’t You Stay (Part 17)

Summary: The reader and Jensen finally attend the premiere of The Dark Woods and the reader is more than nervous...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x Director!reader

Word Count: 1,900ish

Warnings: language

A/N: Please enjoy! 

_____

Six Months Later

“How’s my hair?” you asked as you spun around in the bedroom. You’d gone for an updo, figured it would go better with your somewhat elegant, somewhat sassy dress. Then again, you still felt like it looked off and were regretting not hiring someone to stop by and do your hair and makeup for you. Or pick out the dress. God it looked horrible. You should have used the guy your parents always did for this sort of thing.

“Oh wow,” said Jensen and you caught him staring at your ass in the mirror. “Excellent choice in underwear.”

“Jens,” you said, whacking his arm. “Movie premiere. I’m only freaking the fuck out for like a gajillion reasons today.”

“You look beautiful,” he said, kissing your temple.

“I’m gonna throw up,” you said, heading into the bathroom.

“No, no,” he said, catching your arm. “Deep breaths, honey. Relax. It’s going to be amazing.”

“There’s going to be so many critics there tonight,” you said. “It sucks. It sucks so bad. I’m going to get like zero stars.”

“It doesn’t suck. It’s going to be great and I can’t wait to finally see it. I am so fucking excited and you should be too,” he said. 

“Or we could skip and move to the middle of nowhere and never show our faces in broad daylight again,” you said. “I like that option.”

“Y/N. We’re going. The studio and test audiences loved it from what you said. We are going to have fun tonight and celebrate all of your hard work whether you like it or not,” he said.

“Agh,” you groaned, your intercom buzzer going off. “No! I’m not even dressed.”

“Then, unfortunately for me, you need to put on some clothes,” he said. You whined and he walked you into your closet, grabbing your new dress off the rack. “Been dying to see you in this.”

There was a knock at your door and you sighed.

“I’ll get it,” he said as he left, pulling the bedroom door shut. You groaned and stepped into the dress, pulling up the zipper before you carried your heels out to the bedroom. You got one of your feet done by the time Jensen was coming back in, the door only going halfway before he was pausing.

You stared at him as you grunted and put on the other one, standing up and flattening out the material. 

“Alright. How bad is it?”

“Fuck me running,” he said, a smile on his face. “You look hotter than normal which is saying something.”

“I do not,” you said, grabbing your clutch and walking out into the apartment. Your dad was by the front door in his tux, looking you up and down. “What do you think?”

“I’d be careful of Jay drooling on you,” he said. You rolled your eyes and he smiled. “You look very nice. Now can we go? You don’t want to be late to your own party.”

“Can I just like, sneak in the back? I can’t do interviews. Or pictures. Why do you think I was always unavailable,” you said.

“Sorry, sweetie. No more hiding now.”

“Oh thank God,” you said when you finally got into the venue two hours later and a server came by with some wine. “You’re a saint.”

“Rough day,” said Jensen when the server just stared at you. Jensen walked you away to a quiet corner and you chugged your glass, Anthony wandering over with a smirk. 

“Aren’t you supposed to savor wine or something?” he asked.

“She’s freaking out just a bit Anthony,” said Jensen.

“Really? Couldn’t tell,” he said. “Over what? Isn’t the hard part done?”

“This could be horrendous. People might not like it and-” you said, Jensen putting a finger to your lips.

“Relax,” he said. “It’s great. Right, Anthony?”

“It’s probably alright,” he said with a shrug.

“What’s alright?” asked Ella as she walked over.

“Y/N’s movie,” said Anthony. “I said it probably wouldn’t be horrible.”

“You are such a shit,” said Ella. “Y/N, I’m sure it’s only kinda bad.”

“Fuck both of you,” you smiled, rolling your eyes.

“Yeah but you smiled so we won,” mumbled Jensen against your ear before throwing an arm over your shoulder. “You two clean up well. You’re only slightly horrific now.”

“Remember when we thought he was hot?” said Ella.

“How naive we were,” said Anthony.

“Still hot,” you said.

“Still hot,” said Jensen with a smirk.

“You could do worse,” said Ella. 

“She could do better,” said Anthony. Jensen raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. “I’m teasing.”

“Oh, you better. Who covered for you last month with your parents while you and Nolan got up to no good, hm?” he said.

“Y/N I meant good choice on boyfriend,” said Anthony.

“Better,” said Jensen, Anthony getting pulled away by your mom to say hi to someone. Ella rubbed her arm, tugging on her dress to cover her shoulder. “Cold? You can have my jacket.”

“Should have worn a dress with sleeves,” she mumbled, putting her hand over her scar she had from the car accident.

“Guys kinda dig chicks with scars, El,” said Jensen. She stared up at him and he nodded. “I’m serious.”

“You’re just saying that,” she said.

“Colin Layton is checking you out,” he said, smirking as he glanced across the room. Ella spun around and practically dropped her jaw. “He’s that guy in all those magazines you read, right? The one you have a huge crush on?”

“He’s nineteen,” you said, putting a hand on your hip. “She is not.”

“I didn’t say to go makeout with him,” chuckled Jensen. “All I’m saying is that boys are simpler creatures than you might think. We like badass chicks.”

“She’s a badass?” said Ella, pointing at you.

“She did dive in a burning car for you without a second thought,” said Jensen.

“That’s kind of a badass move,” she mumbled.

“Told you so,” he said, swallowing when you both saw Bryerson walk over with your dad.

“Mr. Bryerson,” you said, Ella quickly getting out of there.

“Where’s Anthony? One of your kids has to not be afraid of me,” he chuckled to your dad. “Y/N, Jensen. Enjoying yourselves?” 

“Mhm,” you both hummed.

“They’ll get the hang of this eventually,” said your dad with a laugh.

“I hope so. We’re set to make at least three more movies after this one, aren’t we?” he said. “The studio is very interested in forming a long lasting partnership with you two kids.”

“Us?” you said, hearing Jensen echo the sentiment.

“Well Jensen, you’re a hell of an actor with a wide range and you got the looks. You hit all the beats. People notice,” he said, turning to you. “You are very good as well. I’ve seen the movie. It made me go buy the book actually.”

“Thank you,” you said, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

“I hear you’ve written other things that are in the process of publishing,” he said. 

“Oh it’s not really good,” you said.

“Yes, they are,” said your dad and Jensen.

“I’m going to have to go with majority rules here,” said Bryerson. “The studio would be interested in locking down film rights for your other works.”

“I haven’t even published them yet. Some no one besides my editor or these guys have seen,” you said.

“We’re still interested. We’ll talk business another time though,” he smiled. “Tonight enjoy yourselves. You two get up to a reasonable amount of trouble. Oh and everyone loves the couple thing by the way. People love when onscreen couples end up falling in love in real life. Very adorable.”

“I know, they are so cute,” said your dad. You rolled your eyes and got a laugh out of Bryerson.

“Hey, let’s go say hey to my Katie. It’s my turn to embarrass my kiddos,” said Bryerson.

“She still have a crush on me?” laughed your dad as they walked away.

“I don’t think I could ever do that,” you said. “Schmooze with Bryerson.”

“Me either,” said Jensen. “But hey, you can make more movies if you want for like...ever.”

“Yeah but part of the fun was working on this with you and my dad,” you said. “You can’t be in every single movie I make.”

“No but I can be in my favorite stories of yours,” he teased. You smirked and got a peck on the lips. “Want to go mingle?”

“I want that buffalo chicken on a stick thing,” you said. “And to avoid people.”

“That’s my girl,” he said. You started to head towards the food table when someone caught your arm.

“Alright, I got the director and young actor guy,” said a man in a suit into an earpiece. You and Jensen looked at one another before he was waving you both to go with him. “Yup, the both of you need to come with me for pre-premiere prep. In ten minutes it’s showtime.”

Fifteen minutes later you were the only one up on stage, feeling like a fish out of water and wishing you had one of Jensen’s baseball caps to hide your face under.

“So...please enjoy the movie?” you said, getting a laugh from the theater as you popped back up the rows and towards your seat, settling in between Jensen and your dad. 

“Proud of you, kiddo,” whispered your dad.

“You haven’t seen it yet,” you said.

“I’m still proud,” he said. 

“Thanks dad,” you said as the theater grew dark. 

“I snuck in candy,” said Jensen, pulling out a pack of gummy bears and offering you some.

“I am not surprised. You’d combust if you didn’t get your daily gummy bear fix,” you said. You took a few and sunk down in your seat, taking a deep breath. The room was quiet as the film started to play and you got flashes of running, a few titles popping up.

You bit your bottom lip as the opening scene played out, smirking as you felt the tension rising in the room. Even if people had read the book and knew how it played out, you were still expecting a surprise out of them. You looked over and Jensen was smiling as he watched, counting the beats on his fingers, knowing what was coming before he pointed at the screen.

The whole room jumped when your dad popped up on screen looking a whole lot of menacing before cutting to the main title.

“That was awesome,” whispered Jensen, pecking you on the cheek. “I told you it would turn out great, honey.”

______

A/N: Read Part 18 here!

[ghosttotheparty]

say my name and say it twice (cotton candy skies)

30. also on AO3 chapter twenty nine

Lucas is leaning against a crosslight pole, ignoring the cold seeping through his jacket and sweatshirt (and ignoring the cold biting at his cheeks and nose, which he’s almost positive are the same shade of pink as the sky.) He scrolls on his phone, his fingers moving deftly across the screen as he responds to the group chat with Kes and Jayden (“you guys are so stupid”), and as he sends a message to Isa. 

He came out to her the day after he came out to the guys, through a text message. 

Hey, Ies So I don’t really know how to tell you this so I’m just going to say it I’m gay  And I’ve actually, really come to terms with it since moving and I have a boyfriend (his name is Jens, I think you’d really like him) and I kind of just wanted to tell you because I love you and you’re really important to me even though we haven’t been talking much so yeah

And her response had made him cry.

Lucas. I love you so much and I support you and love you no matter what I expect to meet this Jens, I need deem him worthy of you

Now he responds to a meme she’s sent but looks up when he hears Damien’s voice say his name. 

He grins as he watches Damien, Lena, and Rosa come out of the studio building, laughing as Lena attempts to trip Rosa unsuccessfully. 

“Hey, honey!” Lena says as they approach him and they both reach out, slapping their palms together before she lifts herself up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. 

“Jens is talking to Cecile, he should be down soon,” Rosa tells him, answering his unspoken question before kissing his cheek and Lucas nods as he shakes Damien’s hand. “I know you miss him,” she adds, smiling sweetly. 

“I do,” he says, sighing. “How was practice?” 

“Good,” Damien says, his voice a stark difference from Rosa’s, which is light and gentle, soft-spoken as Jens had said, whereas Damien’s, while also gentle, is low and rough. “I would like to go to bed like, right now, but I have homework.”

Rosa gives him an exaggerated frown, drawing a finger down her cheek from her eye, and he laughs, hitting her shoulder lightly. Lucas shakes his head at them, smiling, and he catches Lena’s eye. She shakes her head, copying him, and rolls her eyes. 

“Stop flirting in front of Lucas,” she says, hitting Damien. “You’re gonna make him miss Jens even more.”  

“Shut up,” Rosa says, her cheeks darkening, as Damien hits Lena back saying, “We’re not—” as she giggles, hiding from his swinging hand behind Lucas. 

“Anyway,” Rosa says when Lena steps next to Lucas. “Practice was fine. Cecile is excited about the recital coming up so she’s extra bubbly.” “If that’s what you want to call it,” Damien says. 

“What do you mean?” Lucas asks. 

“It’s like she chugs five cans of Red Bull before we get there,” Lena says, looking up at him. 

“It’s actually ridiculous. But, also kind of encouraging?” Damien says, cocking his head, and Lena and Rosa both nod, agreeing. 

“She’s kind of like Lena before she has a date,” Rosa says. 

“Look,” Lena says, holding a finger up, and Damien smiles as he pulls his phone partially out of his pocket, looking at the screen. “I get very excited to see Elsa because she’s fun, and you know that.” 

“She is, it’s true,” Rosa concedes.

“She is,” Damien adds, and sighs. “I have to go, I have a project due tomorrow and I have not started.” He does finger guns to Lucas. 

“What’s it about?” Lucas asks. 

“Psychoanalytic behaviour theory.”

“Eeee-yikes.” Lena makes a face, grimacing. “Good luck.”

“Thank you for your sympathy.” 

“Always.” 

“I’ll see you later,” Damien says to Lucas, shaking his head at Lena as she gives him a faux smile. 

“You know, you and Damien would be really cute together,” Lucas says to Rosa after Damien leaves, and she gives him a disappointed look as Lena squeals, grabbing Lucas’s arm and shaking him back and forth. 

“Lucas, don’t you start…” 

“I’m just saying!” 

“Well, stop saying,” she says, leaning forward with emphasis, a hint of a teasing smile on her face. 

He holds his hands up, surrendering, still laughing as Lena shakes him one last time, finally shoving him and letting go. 

“You would be cute together,” Lena says, just to jab at Rosa. 

“Sto-o-o-op.”

“Whatever,” Lena huffs. “Anyway. I’m tired, so I’m going to go to bed as soon as I get home.”

“No homework?” Lucas asks, bumping his shoulder against Rosa affectionately. 

“Oh, no, there’s definitely homework. But am I gonna do it?” She raises her eyebrows, looking at him. “No.”

He holds back a laugh, inhaling, and then purses his lips, furrowing his brow at her. 

“I feel like you should do your homework.” 

“I feel like I need a nap.” 

He shrugs. 

“Can’t argue with that.” 

“Well, I’m gonna do my homework,” Rosa says. “So I’m going to go home.”

“Can I walk you?” Lena asks. “I don’t wanna be lonely.” She sticks her lower lip out, tilting her head slightly and giving Rosa puppy eyes. 

“Sure, why not.” 

Lena drops the look immediately. 

“Because I for sure am going to annoy the shit out of you.”

“Fuck.” 

Lucas laughs and leans down as they both tilt their heads up to kiss his cheeks simultaneously, and he smiles, his cheeks turning pinker than they already were. 

He watches as they walk down the sidewalk together, and smiles more when Rosa catches Lena’s hand and swings it. Lena lifts their hands and makes Rosa twirl, catching her by the arm when she stumbles and Lucas can just hear their laughter from where he stands. 

He waits a few more minutes, his hands curled into fists and stuffed into his pockets, until the doors open again and Jens steps out, his cheeks flushed red, his hair mussed, his mouth smiling. He shuts the door behind himself with both hands and then comes toward Lucas, clutching the strap of the duffel bag going across his chest. 

“Hey,” he says, stepping up close to Lucas and grabbing his waist, kissing his mouth and swinging him around slightly, the soles of Lucas’s shoes rubbing roughly against the concrete.

“How was practice?” Lucas asks when they pull back, pressing his cold hands to Jens’s face. His skin is warm. 

“Good.” He steps back slightly so he can see Lucas’s face clearly. “I’m really tired.”

“Understandable.” Lucas kisses him again, tossing his arms over his shoulders. “The flat’s empty tonight, do you want to come over?” 

“That sounds good. I don’t have any homework either, so we can just chill. Or, I don’t have any homework due tomorrow, I definitely have something due next week but…” 

Jens keeps talking, but Lucas glances past him, over his shoulder. 

And sees Robbe.

And Moyo. And Aaron. 

He almost immediately feels sick, his eyes locking with Robbe’s, who looks surprised, frozen in his tracks like a deer in headlights, like a child caught stealing candy. 

“Uhm…” Lucas interrupts Jens, not taking his eyes off the guys, his arms slowly coming off of Jens’s shoulders as he steps back. 

“What?” Jens asks, his smile dropping as he notices Lucas’s distressed expression, and his hands fall from Lucas’s waist. Lucas’s eyes flick to Jens’s and back, gesturing to them subtly. 

Jens turns, and what little was left of his smile that was left on his face vanishes. He looks blank for a second before he steps away from Lucas, facing the guys. 

“What are you doing here?” he asks, his voice lower than usual, shaking slightly. Lucas looks to him, his heart aching, scared. He wants to grab his hand. 

“Jens, I swear, we didn’t know there was even a dance studio here,” Moyo says, stepping forward slightly when Robbe and Aaron don’t say anything. 

“What are you doing here?” Jens asks again, slower, louder. 

They’re quiet, looking dumbstruck, speechless. 

“Get out of here,” he says quietly, shaking his head faintly. 

“Jens—” Robbe steps forward, looking to comfort him, to reassure him, but Lucas shoots him a look, a not now, just leave, please go look. 

“Get out of here,” he says again, stepping forward with emphasis. 

Lucas reaches out and grabs his sleeve, tugging it gently, trying to pull him away, glancing at the few dancers around, who are starting to turn to watch. 

“Leave!” 

“Baby…” Lucas says quietly, tugging his sleeve again, stepping closer to him. “Come on.”

The guys finally go, giving Jens one last apologetic, somewhat frightened, look. Lucas wonders if they’ve ever seen Jens like this, this angry, this scared. Robbe gives Lucas another look like he’s asking for reassurance, and Lucas shakes his head. Just go.

“Fuck,” Jens says softly, lifting a hand and pressing his fingers to his forehead. 

“Jens…” Lucas pulls at his arm, trying to pull him somewhere else, somewhere where there aren’t people looking, watching, wondering. 

“I…” Jens inhales shakily, and Lucas pulls again, finally leading him to the entrance of the alley, murmuring “Come on.” 

When they’re behind the wall and there aren’t any eyes on them, Lucas pushes Jens’s hand out of the way and brushes his fingertips over his face, over his forehead, brows, cheekbones, nose, lips. 

“Okay?” he asks softly when Jens takes a deep breath, his eyes closed. 

Jens lets out a quiet whimper, and his face scrunches up. Lucas shushes him quietly, pulling him into a hug, wrapping his arms around his neck and feeling Jens’s wrap around his waist, pulling him closer. Jens buries his face in Lucas’s neck. 

“I’ve got you,” Lucas whispers quietly. 

“They weren’t supposed to know,” Jens chokes out, his voice thick. 

“I know, baby,” Lucas sighs, and he shuts his eyes. 

Jens pulls away abruptly. “I’m not—” He cuts off with a sharp breath. “I’m not ashamed of you.”

“I know, Jens,” Lucas says, shaking his head. “I know.”

“It’s just…” His eyes flick back and forth between Lucas’s, his mouth ajar as he seems to think his way through his thoughts and words. 

Lucas lifts a hand and wipes a tear from his cheek. 

“I’ve always had a secret,” Jens says after a second, quietly. Lucas listens. “For a little while, it was that I had a sister. I don’t know why,” he says adamantly. “I love her, with all my heart, it was just… how it was. And then it was the ballet. For years. And now they know about that, and I just…” 

“I understand, baby, I do,” Lucas whispers, leaning in and pressing his forehead to Jens’s, closing his eyes. 

“I don’t have anything,” Jens says, his voice breaking, and Lucas pulls back to look at him. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Like…” He stops, crying, and Lucas holds him. “I’ve always had a secret, I’ve always had something that was mine, that I…” He trails off, looking at Lucas, his eyes glassy and desperate, and Lucas nods, leaning in and kissing him gently. 

“I don’t have anything,” he says again.

“It’s okay, Jens,” Lucas whispers, ignoring the cars driving past, the sounds of voices from outside the studio, ignoring the rest of the world. He pulls him back into a hug, his arms around his neck, and carefully runs his hands through Jens’s hair, scratching his scalp and tugging his hair gently. 

Jens’s shoulders shake and he hides his face in Lucas’s neck again, against the warm skin of his neck (Lucas can feel the chill that’s beginning to set in on the tip of Jens’s nose and cheeks) and the fabric of his coat. Lucas sways him back and forth, squeezing his own eyes shut and trying not to cry, tightening his arms around him. 

When Jens’s shoulders stop shaking and his arms loosen around Lucas, the sky has darkened slightly. 

“They don’t know about this,” Lucas says softly. 

“Yes, they do,” Jens responds helplessly, lifting his head. His eyelashes are dark and clumped together like he’s wearing heavy mascara, and his cheeks are red. 

“No,” Lucas says, specifying, moving his hands to hold Jens’s face, his thumbs brushing under his eyes. “This right here. This moment. It’s ours.”

Jens’s face doesn’t change, and then—

“I love you.” 

Lucas smiles, pulling him in for a soft, slow kiss. 

“I love you too.”

---

The flat is empty when they get there, though Jens had been prepared just in case someone was home. 

“What do we say if Zoë or Senne is home?” Lucas had asked as they made their way to the flat, their hands linked between them. 

“The truth, I guess,” Jens had responded, shrugging. “Might as well.”

It’s also dark, and Lucas turns the lights on as Jens messages his mom. 

“She says I can spend the night as long as I go to school tomorrow.” 

“Promise to go to school tomorrow?” Lucas asks, raising his eyebrows as he takes Jens’s jacket and hangs it by the door. 

“I guess,” he sighs dramatically, and Lucas kisses him again, smiling. 

They lay in Lucas’s bed together, their legs tangled, facing each other, Lucas’s fingers brushing over the back of Jens’s hand between them. They leave the lights off, letting the small amount of light left in the sky and from the streetlamps come through the window. 

“I might come out to Zoë when she gets home,” Jens says, his voice soft, his eyes watching Lucas’s fingertips run over his knuckles and down his fingers. 

“She’s coming home really late tonight,” Lucas says. 

“Then maybe I’ll tell her in the morning. It would be hard to take the same route to school as her without telling her I’m here.”

Lucas chuckles quietly. 

“True.” He looks up at Jens, studying him, seeing the flicker of uncertainty flash across his face. “She’s going to be supportive. You know she is.” 

“I know,” Jens says, almost inaudibly. “I’m still nervous.”

Lucas laces his fingers with Jens’s, squeezing lightly. 

“I wish…” Jens sighs. “I wish I could just… not care about what anyone says. Or thinks.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Like…” He shifts, his legs untangling from Lucas’s and then one of them laying on top of him. “I wish I could be like you.” “What do you mean?” Lucas says, furrowing his brows in confusion. 

“I mean… You don’t care about what other people think and—” 

“That’s not true,” Lucas interrupts, and Jens’s eyes snap back to his. “I do care.” Jens doesn’t say anything, listening. 

“I care too much, honestly.” He sighs, looking at where their hands are joined, watching his own thumb run back and forth over the back of Jens’s hand. “I care so much that I just… pretend not to. And hope that eventually maybe the care will just go away.” 

“It doesn’t seem like you care,” Jens says. 

“Maybe it’s working, then.” 

Jens smiles softly. 

“I mean… I care about how people look at me, what they think about my clothes—” he looks down at his purple pants and makes a face— “and my makeup, about the kinds of things people say online about people like me. And it’s… scary, you know?” 

Jens nods. 

“So I pretend I don’t care. And I shouldn’t honestly, I mean, life is short. Too short to give a shit.”

Jens scoffs and kisses him, leaning in close. 

“Well for what it’s worth,” he says when he pulls back, “I think you’re amazing.”

Lucas stares at him, smiling slightly. 

“And funny,” he says, “And smart and creative. And clever and beautiful and talented.” 

“Stop…” Lucas says half-heartedly, looking away as he feels his face flush, and Jens lifts his hand, detaching it from Lucas’s and pushing a curl out of Lucas’s face before letting his palm press to his cheek.

“And,” he continues, smiling, “I would be perfectly happy to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

“Are you proposing to me right now?” Lucas asks, putting on a scandalized expression. 

“Yeah,” Jens says. “Come here, get up.” He lifts his hand from Lucas’s face and sits up, pushing himself up and standing at the end of the bed, and Lucas turns to watch him but doesn���t get up. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, laughing softly. 

“Come here.” Jens beckons with a jerk of his head and Lucas scoffs lightly, shaking his head as he joins him. 

“I don’t have a ring, but…” 

Before he can move, Lucas lifts his hand, showing him the gold ring around his ring finger, and Jens lets out an “Oh!” excitedly, waiting as Lucas carefully slides it off, dropping it into Jens’s outstretched hand. 

Jens kneels in front of him, and Lucas watches in disbelief, shaking his head again, smiling. 

“Lucas van der Heijden, love of my life—” Lucas interrupts him with a snort, but he can’t take his eyes off him— “will you marry me?” 

Lucas watches him, his smile softening, his eyes burning. 

“Someday?” Jens adds. “When we can actually legally get married because we’re still just in high school right now?” “Yeah,” Lucas says, the word just a short gasp, nodding. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he repeats, laughing, nodding again. 

“Oh, thank God.” 

Lucas laughs again, louder, and Jens carefully slides the ring back into place. 

When it’s on, Lucas grabs Jens’s face, leaning down and kissing him and Jens slowly stands, placing his hands on Lucas’s hips to pull himself up. Lucas smiles against his mouth, opening his lips and feeling Jens’s do the same. 

Jens’s hands slip around and grasp his legs when Lucas bites down on his lower lip, tilting his head to kiss him deeper. He pulls, lifting Lucas up, and Lucas wraps his legs around his hips as Jens turns and kneels on the bed, lowering Lucas onto his back as Lucas’s fingers bury themselves in Jens’s already messy hair, pulling when Jens’s tongue slides into his mouth. Jens hums, and Lucas feels it vibrate into his mouth. 

Lucas places his hands on Jens’s face, holding him in place and kissing him again after pulling back for a gasp. Jens’s cheeks squish under his hands, and the kiss lingers, both of then inhaling deeply as Jens slides his hands under Lucas’s shirt, pressing to his skin. His hands are gentle, a little cold against Lucas’s waist, and Lucas shivers, kissing him again. 

Jens’s hands move up more, sliding over Lucas’s chest and making the sweatshirt ride up, but Lucas pushes at his shoulder, detaching their lips with a breathless huff, pushing Jens over so Lucas can climb onto his lap, leaning down and kissing him, sliding over his exposed collarbones and neck before he straightens up again, reaching down and pulling his sweatshirt over his head. 

Jens’s eyes scan over his bare chest, his hands sliding over his waist, up, up, up, until he pulls at his neck, pulling him down and leaning up until their open mouths crash together. Lucas presses his fingers against his neck again, just under the sharp line of his jaw, and smiles when he feels Jens’s quick pulse on his fingertips.

He pulls away, his smile growing when he hears Jens let out a quiet whine, leaning up and trying to catch Lucas’s lips again as his hands travel down his sides, resting on his thighs, slipping over the thick, folded fabric at his hips and squeezing. 

Lucas pauses, biting his lip and looking down at Jens’s face, his eyes shut, mouth hanging open, looking wistful. Just as his eyes begin to open, foggy and dazed, Lucas leans back down, pressing a short kiss to his mouth before kissing his cheek, his jaw, down his neck, pausing to bite and suck gently. Butterflies blossom in his stomach when Jens hums, open-mouthed and breathy, and Lucas smiles, kissing up his neck until he finds his earring. 

He kisses around it for a second, listening closely as Jens’s breath catches in his throat, feeling Jen’s hands tighten on him.

Lucas bites it, gently pulling before letting go and lifting his head, looking down at him, smiling at Jens’s heavy breathing. 

“Fuck,” Jens says, letting go of his thighs before tightening his grip again. “I love how you do that.”

“I know,” Lucas says, giggling as Jens’s mouth curves into a lazy, slow smile. Jens shakes his head, the smile growing, and leans up, kissing him. He lets go of his thighs again and wraps his arms around Lucas’s waist, the fabric of his hoodie soft against his bare skin, rising until he’s sitting up straight. Lucas runs his hands through his hair, pulling until Jens lets out a soft moan. 

---

Lucas is almost asleep, but not quite. 

He knows Jens isn’t. He can feel him touching him, running his fingertips over his cheeks and lips, pushing back curls that fall in his face, pulling the blanket up over him. He isn’t cold, having put on Jens’s hoodie when he’d begun to shiver, but he does appreciate the extra warmth, and if he were slightly more awake than he is, he would smile. 

Instead, he sighs, nuzzling his face into his own arm, which is bent under his head, and Jens’s finger brushes lightly over his cheek. 

I love you.

The words echo in his head.

They only said it once, in the alley, in their alley. They didn’t need to say it after that. (They didn’t need to say it in the alley either if Lucas is honest. Everything they do says it. Every touch, every glance, every whisper and gasp.) 

Lucas hears the front door open, the sound of the slight creak and quiet click of it shutting muffled by the walls and Lucas’s bedroom door. He doesn’t move but feels Jens’s hand still on his face before it lifts, leaving his cheek cold. The bed moves as Jens gets up, and Lucas bends his knees, curling into himself. A part of him wants to look at Jens, but his eyes don’t open. 

The bedroom door opens and the room chills slightly. Jens must leave the door open because his voice is clear in the silent flat. 

“Hey,” he says, sounding tentative. 

“Jens!” Zoë’s voice says, quiet and friendly. , and there’s a quiet thump like she’s dropped her backpack. “What are you doing here?” 

“Uhm, I’m here with Lucas.” He sounds hesitant, careful. 

“Oh, I didn’t know you guys were friends.” Lucas can hear her smile in her voice. 

“Actually, we’re uh… we’re dating.” 

A pause. 

“Oh!” 

Another pause. 

“I didn’t know…” “Yeah, I haven’t— I haven’t told anyone.”

“Oh. Not… Robbe? I mean…” Jens laughs quietly. 

“No, I— I didn’t tell him, but uhm…” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” It’s quiet for a second. “I was thinking about telling Jana and them tomorrow.” “If you want to. We can walk together.” 

“Yeah.” 

It’s quiet before they both laugh quietly. 

“I’m assuming you’re the one that makes Lucas all smiley,” Zoë says, and Jens giggles again. 

“Maybe…” 

It’s quiet again, and Lucas smiles to himself. 

“I’m really happy for you, Jens,” Zoë says. 

“Thank you.” 

There’s a quiet rustle like they’re hugging, then quiet shuffling on the floor and a slight creak, and a few seconds later, Zoë’s voice says, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” whispering just outside his open door. 

The bed moves again, shifts under Jens’s weight, and the blanket lifts off of Lucas before lowering again, shutting out the short rush of cold air over him. (He appreciated the blanket a little more now.) He can feel Jens’s eyes on him and Jens’s fingertip traces his cheek and lines of his lips. 

Jens takes a short, quiet breath before, 

“I think it’s getting easier.” 

His voice is hushed, just a breath. 

And Lucas smiles again, turning his head slightly and pressing a lazy kiss to his hand. Jens moves closer, tossing the blanket up so it doesn’t get caught between them, and Lucas straightens his legs, letting Jens’s entwine with them, and Jens’s arm wraps around Lucas’s waist. Lucas feels Jens’s hair brush his chin and neck, and Jens presses his face to Lucas’s chest. 

Lucas finally starts to drift off, his arm resting over Jens. 

“I love you,” Jens breathes, and Lucas almost doesn’t hear it. 

But he does. 

He moves his hand, feeling up Jens’s back and neck until he finds his head, and then tangles his fingers in his hair, tugging lightly once. 

I love you, too.

[angelsswirl]

Petrichor

Nine

Notes: I highly recommend you listen to What If by SafetySuit either before reading or while reading because it fits this chapter so perfectly it took me half an hour to choose which lyrics to use.

"If it makes you sad at me, then it's all my fault and let me fix it please."

"You know your problems won't go away if you hide from them, right?" Lisa asked without looking up from her magazine.

"You know Tiger Beat is a child's magazine, right?" You asked without looking up from your spot on the floor.

Lisa closed the magazine loudly. She huffed and crossed her arms, "As soon as this baby gets out of me, I'm kicking your ass."

"Then who's going to feed Jennie while you're in the hospital recovering from your injuries?"

"I can feed myself, thank you very much."

"I'm not sure you know your left from your right sometimes."

"You're mean when you're scared and upset." Jennie's nose scrunched up. She is not afraid to admit her feelings were a bit hurt. She knew her left from her right, but she was definitely lying about being able to feed herself. She can't cook to save her life.

"I'm not scared or upset."

"You're a pathological liar, too."

"Ladies, ladies you're all pretty! Now, will you shut your traps. My blood pressure is spiking because all of your damn yapping."

"Sorry, mom." Everyone apologized. Even Kameron, who hadn't even been in the original conversation.

All five of you were packed into the medium sized hospital room, save for George whom had to return to work that day.

You sat the closest to your mother, Jennie and Lisa sharing the small cushioned bench built under the window. Kameron sat in an extra plastic chair directly under the suspended 19 inch television, his laptop on his lap currently being used to hack into the hospital's wifi.

"Y/N, apologize for calling Jennie stupid." Maria admonished as she fiddled with the television remote. The buttons were huge, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that the hospital seemed to have only two working channels. Fox News and...oh, the other one just lost signal. Just Fox News.

Maria opted for turning off the television.

"I rather not." You answered plainly. Your knees were tucked under your chin and you still stared at that spot on the linoleum floor.

Maria swatted your thigh.

"Y/N Ariel Y/LN."

You just grumbled.

"Your middle name is 'Ariel'? Like the mermaid?" Jennie started to laugh loudly. She immediately stopped upon the shoe hitting her square in the gut.

"No. Not like the mermaid, Knothead." You gestured for Jennie to give back your shoe. Jennie did so with a scowl.

"Why is she being so mean?" Lisa pouted.

Maria huffed, "Her heat's about to start. So, she's grumpy. Also, she got herself into a unforgiving situation and it's all starting to unravel in front of her." Maria looked as though she had even more explanation to give but thought better of it.

You eyed your mother suspiciously, "How'd you know all that?"

"Mother's intuition."

Lisa's eyes squinted in determination, "Time for 'Operation: Just Pick One! Damn!'."

Everyone nodded along in agreement except for you.

"I've got the Pros and Cons T-Table pulled up!" Kameron gestured to his laptop. Lisa gave him a thumbs up.

You stared at your omega brother, "What do you know about any of this?"

"Oh, Lali and I talk once a week about you because you don't tell us anything. We were going to stage an intervention within the coming week if all of this hadn't happened." He said as though it was obvious.

You just rolled your eyes. Your brother knowing your business was the least of your problems at this point.

"Okay, but if we're going to have this conversation, Jennie has to leave."

"What? Why?"

"Because you're an alpha and you wouldn't get it."

"Try me."

"...Fine."

Lisa clapped excitedly, "Yay! It's finally happening. Kam, make sure you share the spreadsheet with your mom and I." She pulled her MacBook air out of large handbag and then delicately placed Maria's laptop on her overbed table.

Kameron nodded just as excitedly. Maria also nodded appreciatively as the group got their data together.

You wondered when your life got this out of hand.

At least Jennie looked just as lost as you.

"Um, babe? Is all of this necessary? I think you're scaring-"

"Shhhhhh, honey," Lisa blindly pressed a few fingers against Jennie's lips, "I know exactly what I'm doing."

"...ok..." Jennie looked to you with a mildly frightened look on her face. She shook her head slowly as if to say 'I tried. I am so sorry for what you're about to go through."

"Okay. First question! Who have you thought of more recently?" Kameron asked as he typed furiously on his HP.

"I'm not sure what any of this is going to help."

"Answer the question!" Kameron urged.

"God! I'm thinking about them both constantly, but I guess, Rosé because I spoke to her last."

Kameron nodded resolutely and continued to type.

"Next question, if they were both drowning, and you could only save one, who would you save?" Lisa asked, her eyes narrowing intensely at her best friend.

"Jennie, do you feel like this is a trap? Because I feel like this is a trap!" You inquired. You scooted your chair further away from everybody.

Jennie slowly pulled her arm from behind her wife, she then scooted away from her and to the opposite end of the bench, "Yes. This feels exactly like a trap."

"Okay, you don't have to answer that one." Maria glared at Lisa who just shrugged.

"How about this one? Who do you miss the most?"

You threw your hands in the air in exasperation, "Lali asked me that months ago! Don't you think if it was that simple I wouldn't be in this situation right now?! I miss both of them because they won't fucking talk to me! And I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to talk to me either." You sat back into your chair with a watery sigh.

"Can I give it a try?" Jennie raised her hand sheepishly, "Without all the spreadsheets and interrogations." She directed the second part at three specific people.

The three specific people all reluctantly closed their laptops.

"Everyone else is, so why not?"

"Well, first. I think you need to lay off yourself a bit. Yeah, you put yourself and them into a sucky situation, so what? Get over that. There's no going back to change anything, so why wallow in it? Relax and forgive yourself." Jennie spoke softly, her forearms resting against her thighs as she leaned forward.

Your shoulders sagged just enough to let Jennie know she was getting through to you.

"I'm sure you know what traits you value in a partner, and I'm not going to ask you what those traits are because I'm sure Lisa would start to log your answers again. Besides, it's none of our business." Lisa glared at Jennie.

"You just have to apply those traits. Organize your morals which you have clearly been fast and loose with lately. Ask yourself questions like 'Are you really ready to be a family woman? A mother?' And 'Are you okay with your mate having her work really high on her priorities list?' Think about what you want. Think about what you need. Think about who would be the best alpha for you. And then when you have all those answers to all those questions and you're all thinked out. Stop thinking and just go talk to her." Jennie smiled softly as you nodded slowly.

Lisa stared at her wife, her mouth wide opened, "I have absolutely no idea why, but that was the sexiest thing you have ever done." Jennie blushed heavily.

"Yeah, Jen. When did you get to be so smart?" You teased.

"I have a B.S. in Biochemistry from NYU." Jennie deadpanned.

"Yeah but you're a lounge singer. It's not like you're doing anything with it."

"Alright, you got me there."

"Knock, knock. Hello, Mrs. Y/LN. Your discharge papers are ready." The doctor explained as she stood at the door, not wanting to intrude.

"Oh thank God! I was going to jump out the window if it had been another hour."

"Mom!"

"What? You would've too. Now shut up and help me into my clothes."

You did as told.

~•~

Once you were sure your mother was settled at her home with your father. You went back to yours.

You sat heavily on your couch.

Jennie said to think. So, that's what you were going to do.

In the back of your mind, you knew who it was supposed to be the minute Jennie finished talking.

Sometimes, you just need to be told to get over yourself and put things into perspective.

But you chugged on anyway.

If only to double, triple check.

Some thoughts involve Jennie's suggested quandaries and others you came up with all by yourself.

It's about 5 minutes in that you're already noticing a very clear pattern. The same name keeps coming up. Amid 'Yes' and 'Nos' and 'We're just going to have to work on thats'.

It hit you so harshly you're not even sure why this was a struggle to begin with. The revelation just about sucks all the nagging anxiety and subsequent energy out of your brain. This must have been the "thinked out" part Jennie was talking about.

That meant the next step was to stop thinking.

It's easier said than done, but you managed.

The last step.

Just go talk to her.

You nodded with finality.

You were going to do just that, but first you needed to fix something.

~•~

"I'm sorry." You said. You may be done feeling sorry for yourself, but that didn't mean you couldn't feel sorry for others.

"For what?"

"It-I can't keep doing this to you. It's not fair."

"I-I understand, I guess."

"I shouldn't have led you on. Made you think-"

"It's okay, Y/N. It really is. But I'm going to need some time before we can get back to normal if I can ever do that, with you again."

"I get it. I'll see you...later?"

You don't get an answer. Just a pained look and then a sort of wobbly shrug.

You have a feeling that's all you'll get from her for a while. And surprisingly, you're a little more okay with that then you thought you would be.

~•~

Notes: One more chapter left...

[himbo-buckley]

Sex, Intimacy and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 5

Hej alla,

hur cool att du är här! Vad kul!

(Kay, that’s it, all the Swedish I remember from two semesters of not really studying, so it’s probably also wrong, uups?)

(Still passed though.)

You guys! We made it! And please, do not imagine this read to you in a happy voice. I am sobbing. I already miss it!

(Also, if you do imagine how I might sound please consider due to several unforseeable circumstances of student exchanges in my youth I have a very weird mixture of British and American English, which basically translates to sounding like either of those doing a bad impression of the other accent - or you know, Australian.)

I’m really having a hard time finishing this meta because I loved doing it so much and I loved talking to all of ya’ll so much. This is a sad moment. (HEY, what if ya’ll came and visited my askbox and I get to discuss random stuff with you!)

Just a fair warning now, somewhere hidden in the middle: this thing is fucking long! We are talking longer than Season 2, so be warned!

Anyways, in case someone is new:

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4

And some general info:

This meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something

This Meta has FIVE parts. Season 1 and 2 make up one part each, while Season 3, due to something pesky called feelings and the fact that I can’t shut up, has been split in three parts: Part 3 aka Season 3A, which spans 3.01 - 3.10, Part 4 which spans 3.11 - 3.17 and this part which is officially only one episode - but still manages to be just as long. Yay! (Sorry.)

And now for the last time for now: part 5 (also called „You’re a godless, half-witted himbo, Evan Buckley, and I wish I loved you less so I could talk about it more“)

Episode 3.18:

My oh my, this episode.

I loved it but I also … didn’t.

It was way too much and at times felt a little rushed and the pacing was just weird.

I mean I loved the party but did we really need 5 min of it? Did we really need Josh’s storyline and Michael’s so randomly in the middle of the episode? Could we have gotten a longer apology scene? Why the weird phone call?

Let’s talks about all of that! (It’s why you clicked read more, right?)

Ya’ll, I gotta be honest, I am from Europe and I regularly go to places via train and while it’s better than a bus, I can’t see anyone falling in love with that! I am just gonna assume Abby did not go by train in Germany. Or Austria. Or Italy. Listen, I like trains just fine but man, do they not look like what we see here!

But also, as someone who has watched Community, the train lady saying „This isn’t Subway“ in an Episode where the human embodiment of Subway acts is very very funny to me.

I feel like I don’t have to point out how significant the cut from Abby saying „They stopped waiting for me a long time ago“ to Buck and Eddie discussing Chris is. Everyone has talked about it by now. But yes, it registered, as did the fact that Abby is dating a single father - while Buck is apparently basically dating a single father. But, you know, that probably means nothing! *chugs a whole bottle of wine*

The co-parenting was very cute and honestly I feel for Christopher and Carla and the firefam is Buddie does happen because they will try to out-protect each other and it will be glorious and also Chris might never get to leave the nest ever. That poor boy.

Sidenote: We as a fandom have not talked enough about Eddie’s reaction to Bobby yodelling and I think that’s very tragic of us. Because his reaction is the best, all: „Is he - should I - no, you know what, fuck it, Eddie, ignore this, that’s too much, you can not unpack all of this, just move on. Brush it off!“

Just watch his face ya’ll, it’s great! (He will be talking to Frank about this, I know it.)

Sidenote: Also Eddie in 3.15 / 3.15. / 3.17 / 3.18 > any other Eddie, and no, I do not take criticism. That boy has always been fine but the military hair cut or what ever is doing things to me as do his happy eyes and the smiles - my god, the smiles!

It does seem significant though the way the show focused so heavily on Buck’s reaction and - as it had been the case since „Eddie Begins“ - we basically don’t see Eddie without Buck and that’s weird. That feels pointed and important, the fact that after realising, who his family is, Eddie basically never leaves Buck’s side if they are at work.

Also the way Chimney and Bobby look at each other in between, yeah, again, making fun of Christopher’s dads! Like, even if you don’t read this as Buddie, you cannot not read this scene as somewhat confirming the „Buck is Christopher’s other parent“-thing. And I know I answered an ask on Tuesday(?) where I said he wasn’t really but yeah, he is getting there. The whole season spent a lot of time focusing on Buck’s relationship with Christopher and even if it isn’t about Buddie, I still think it will cause trouble in Season 4 if Eddie begins dating again, specifically Chris’ teacher.

I also need to talk about Eddie and control, because like I said in part 4 Eddie needs to learn to let go of Christopher a little which is what we see here happening, specifically through the lens of making Buck even more overprotective than Eddie to really cement the fact in all our minds that Eddie is trying to let his son have some freedom. I am so proud of him, you guys! He just signed up for the worst two weeks of his life, he will be dying on the inside out of concern and Buck will pester him every two seconds about whether or not Chris is fine. This is why these three haven’t been to Disneyland, ya’ll! Eddie wouldn’t be able to handle it without murdering either Buck or himself. I’m sorry.

And speaking of how the episode is cut:

One thing I love about 911 is the way it always makes me consider new character pairings and connections I myself would have never thought of, in the context of this episode: Athena, Josh - and Eddie.

And look, the Athena and Josh thing is daunting enough but you can probably still catch my train of thought, because both are recent victims of assault and the episode shows them dealing with trauma and confronting their attacker, even though in Athena’s case it was just theoretical. But now you’re probably wondering, okay, why Eddie?

Well, for starters, what the episode made me realise, whether on purpose on not through cutting from scene to scene is how many similarities there are between Eddie and Athena, both of them always trying to be in control, both of them more prone to violence / more okay with violence than the others, both soft underneath, both with a tendency to let anger take over, both considered to be extremely capable, both with an intense need for control, both straight talker.

And now I will obviously not pretend that letting your child go to sleep away camp for two weeks is similar too confronting your assailant who beat you up, but still: facing fears and letting go of control vs. finding different ways to regain control is the theme for these three in the episode (or this Season in Eddie’s case) and I like it.

I really like what they did with Athena in general in this episode, because, while I don’t think we will see her as a civilian in Season 4, I am confident they will address her trauma and PTSD - especially if they only do a short time jump of say three months and not jump all the way to January / February which is when it might air if we’re lucky.

And I do think the comparison between her and Josh is very nicely done as both characters did the whole brushing it off / moving forward / I am not fazed by any of it thing, as we as viewers clearly saw what utter bullshit this was.

Which of course connects nicely to Mr. „Brush it off and move on“ who has spent a whole season learning to not just move on but to talk about it. A lesson he might have learned? At least that’s what the episode made me think, from the way he came to Buck / the firefam to talk about Christopher and camp to the way he so clearly tried to get Buck to open up about Abby. Jup, that is some motherforking growth right there!

I also wanna say hi to Brooke Shields and say I hope we see her again, cause her character seemed interesting!

And I do appreciate Athena herself addressing the fact that she messed up a little by not calling for back-up right away. This is not meant in a victim blaming way, I just think Athena is very used to handling everything on her own and not asking for help and it is interesting to see how that changes, now that it has backfired on her once.

And now we are getting into the Abby of it all and if anyone reading this is anti Buddie or severely pro Abby this is the moment to either leave or scroll down some more, because ya’ll I won’t really hold back!

(I think.)

I wanna begin by saying, uhm, Abigail, honey? Can you not read what is written on Eddie’s and everyone else’s helmets? Yes, he is from the 118, it literally says so on like every article of clothing he is wearing, omg!

(Writers, do better, that made an already unlikeable character seem downright stupid.)

Now it is very interesting, that the first person we see Abby interact with directly from the main cast (I’m counting the phone call with Maddie as indirectly) is Eddie who doesn’t know who Abby is but who is close enough to Buck to know the second he sees her who she is. The episode spends just as much time focusing on his reaction to Abby as 3.15 did on Buck’s reaction and tbh that feels … fairly non platonic. Of course we can always go back to „Stuck“ and remember what Hen said about Tatiana but still. That was one scene, here we have several scenes highlighting Eddie’s reaction to Abby and just, what do you want me to do with this, Tim?

I mean, the meeting scene literally goes like this:

Eddie *talking to Abby* > cut to Buck, coming closer > Buck: „Abby?“ > cut to both Abby and *Eddie* > Abby: „Buck?“ while the camera is still on her and Eddie > cut to just Eddie’s face having a realisation > cut to Buck

That is some very extreme focus if we’re being honest.

Also her panic reminds everyone of Buck in 3.15, right? The way she is screaming, disregarding her own safety, all desperate to get to her fiancé. Yeah.

I like how Eddie lets them talk and then steps in when he realises Buck is too shocked and only then rushes off, nearly touching Buck. Too be honest I didn’t realise his hand didn’t make contact until I saw some gifs of the scene.

Also the way Oliver plays this scene? The whole scene is so painful and I love it a lot, his whole delivery is so very painful, from the way he says „We’ll find him.“ to the „Um, what’s his name?“ to the „No. Oh. Don’t worry about it.“ because you can actually see him go through all the emotions from devastation to being so very pissed off and then locking that shit down!

Listen, I know it was teased that Buck had to grapple between being a professional and his personal feelings and I think this episode is him being a professional, because this is Buck and Buck cares so for Buck being a professional means risking his life for some guy on the train, regardless of his promise and who he is engaged to.  

Sidenote: This episode really brought home why Eddie is a firefighter and not a paramedic, because his bedside manner is shit. „This is gonna hurt a little“. Way to downplay, dude!

Also, while I do love the idea of Buck getting to be Captain one day, I think this episode shows why he won’t be. Because even when he is being professional and having great ideas Buck still cares too much and is unable to make the hard decisions. Compare it to Eddie, who, yes, does say „If we have to choose“, but also is willing to make the choice. Because sometimes you have to. (And now I’m crying a little and oh my, this is why I do not work in any job that has me make such decisions because I could not imagine living with myself if I did.)

I do think however Buck did good, from the way he talked to Sam being his usual self and all.

I’m also such a fan of smart Buck and him standing up for himself with Bobby because he doesn’t get to do this often enough and because it is important for him as a character to learn to trust his own judgement and not depend so much on Bobby’s approval. So yay, my baby is growing up!

(Also, obviously Bobby’s worry was also about Buck and not just Athena, we’ve had half a season of Bobby doing the most to „protect“ Buck, mostly against his will, so I really like that Buck got to do the rescue his way in the end, because it shows growth on both sides.)

Now, Eddie and his dramatic reaction in this scene, first of all:

I wanna take a moment to remember the fact that Edmundo Diaz, my main man, my love, my absolute ray of grey sunshine, apparently lacks any kind of self-awareness - or he would stop acting all high and mighty around Buck because the second Buck is out of view he like, drops any pre-tense of having critical thinking skills or something akin to self-preservation and does the next thing that enters his bird brain no matter the consequences. So a moment of silence for Hen, Chimney and Bobby and all they had to go through in the 6/7 months between Buck getting crushed by a ladder truck and coming back to work, because Buck? They can at least make fun of. Or tell him: yo, bro, you being stupid!

You can’t do that with Eddie - because when Eddie does stupid he gone nearly die but like in a heroic way where he still ends up saving himself and you have to be impressed. Urgh, the nerve!

So, you know what, how about, Mr. Edmundo Diaz, you do not judge Buck for wanting to save people and risk his own life UNTIL WE HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU CUTTING THAT MOTHERFORKING ROPE? Got me? Thanks. (I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed, dude.)

(But then again EVERY MOTHERFORKING CHARACTER ON THIS DAMN SHOW SUFFERS FROM CRAZY STUPID DISEASE and no, I do not take any criticism.)

Also I loved Eddie’s dialog and how clearly the whole thing about the promise slipped out if the way his hands closed are anything to go by (or was he imagining punching some sense either into himself or Buck because in both cases: Call Frank, Eddie!). Anyway the way he just left, like, „I can not deal with ya’ll’s stupidity, I am leaving!“ has me shook! That is the top tear entertainment I expect from my favourite show and I love them for it!

I do love how both Buck and Eddie are in protector mode in this episode, Buck with Sam and Abby and Eddie with Buck, especially because if we’re being honest, which we are (this is a safe space ya’ll), Eddie is the one being far more unprofessional! For his standards, of course.

But this is the closest Eddie has come to showing some form of violence since 3a viewed chronologically (because 3.15 happened mostly in the past) yet Buck is just being is usual too caring self. It’s telling and it’s interesting and I’m just gonna say one thing:

„No one is good when it’s personal.“ - because for Buck with Sam it isn’t really personal (though that won’t hit him until later) but for Eddie it kinda is because he is worried about Buck. (And now I did spell it out! But, oh well, I did say we were gonna do some Buddie right around here!)

Sidenote: what exactly was the meaning / reason of that phone call between Abby and her stepdaughter? We already knew Sam had children and from the was she was looking outside they could have had her just see Buck and step out of the tent to watch the rescue, so why do it this way I ask? Why this incredibly unnecessary phone call that felt so very awkward?

Also I am not gonna talk about that scene right now, because I get mad every single time!

So I will just leave a link to what I’ve said about this scene so far here *and* give you the notes I took on this scene:

ALWAYS READY TO DIE

godless heathen of a man he makes me so angry i hate him i hate this show I wanna leave

EVAN BUCKLEY LOOKS GOD IN THE EYES AND SAYS NAH BRO NOT TODAY

(It’s not like his suicidal tendencies are relevant to this meta anyways because like I said a few paragraphs ago: The whole firefam has them! )

Also, for the first time ever: here is a picture I took while watching the show because what are these two extras doing? Why are they touching like that? Who are they and will we see them again? Does my brain get easily distracted by completely unrelated things?

Anyways, the way Buck answers Sam „She’s down there waiting for you.“ when he asks for Abby and his „Good to meet you Sam.“ really brings home how none of his behaviour was about Abby and all about Buck being Buck. (And now I am angry at him again, urgh, THE NERVE! Selfless fucking himbo!)

I really liked that Sam knew who Buck was and that they got to have this little interaction where he probably reevaluated the whole night because that boy just risked his life for him, the guy marrying his ex-girlfriend, and has spent the whole night being so very nice to him and talking to him. Not gonna lie, Buck is a good guy through and through and Sam probably feels like shit now.

Also Eddie coming to stand in front of Buck - I know some people think it was out of protectiveness, which got me thinking:

Tbh at first I was convinced it was a camera angle thing? Because if Eddie stood behind Buck we wouldn’t really see him. Then I thought, so why choose this angle to film it? Obviously the set had to be built a certain way so was there no other way to do it? Also why was it even important, that we saw Eddie arrive like that, couldn’t they have just changed the angle after Abby was gone to get Eddie in the frame? Why was it important that we knew that Eddie was there and 1) was putting himself physically between Abby and Buck meaning 2) that when Abby leaves with her single father, Buck is left with his single father? Why does an episode that is supposed to give Buck closure focus so much on the reactions of his non romantic partner?

(Because tbh, even if they needed to find ways to use Ryan Guzman in this Episode without adding too many scenes, they could have done it with less focus on Abby. I say this as a Buddie shipper who does recognise how important the connection Buck and Eddie have as friends is: storyline wise Bobby would have made more sense in most of these scenes and Eddie could have been used in a different way.)

I’ll leave this scene with the very nice visual of Buck running back to the traincrash and Eddie following him. These two. Like magnets.

And a quick topic change, because I do wanna talk about Michael and Doctor Hale as well in this meta, one because I found them very cute and two because I’ve now talked to a few people about Ana and Eddie and while we by now know she will probably be in Season 4, I feel like we need to compare Michael and Doctor Hale vs Eddie and Ana. Because there is such a difference in the way these love interests where introduced.

Now, of course we need to realise that Eddie and Michael are fairly different characters and Michael has way less relationship related baggage than Eddie has which is why he goes after what he wants way faster (also, carpe diem, he just found out he won’t die). Also of course, there is no moral component to address in Michael dating some doctor vs. Eddie dating his son’s teacher, but still:

Michael and Dr. Hale had one scene together and it wasn’t even overly flirty and yet, we knew where it was heading, we felt the chemistry and everyone ended the episode saying: I ship it, more of that - which they did give us, just *one* episode later. They had some awkward moments, yet the show never left a single doubt in your mind where this is heading.

Now look at Eddie and Ana:

Sidenote: I do wanna say be kind to the character and no hate, especially not to the actress! Yes, she needs to be flashed out more; no, what we saw so far does not make me ship them; no, I do not mind if they dated a little.

First of all we learned more about Doctor Hale in the two short scenes than we did about Ana in four scenes. That seems deliberate.

Second, while we do realise Eddie thinks Ana is attractive from the get go she repeatedly shuts him down by pointedly saying „Mr. Diaz“.

Third, every scene between them - and I mean every single scene - is connected to Buck in some way:

In „Fools“ we cut from Buck saying he likes being single to Eddie doing parent-teacher conference and yes, meeting some other teachers first but also Ana, showing us that while Buck is fine with being single - Eddie might not be. Also, Carla’s „blue eyes“ line which is a little clown-y, so take it with a grain of salt that it could connect us to Buck

Then of course her next scene is Eddie getting in her face about Christopher being hurt. Later in the episode we see Buck reference this on a call, meaning either Carla or Eddie told Buck about it (I am leaning a little toward Carla making fun of Eddie in front of Buck and Eddie then having to come clean about all of it, because I cannot wrap my head about the idea of Eddie telling Buck about having a crush, I’m sorry.)

Her next scene is Eddie coming to apologise to her and she gives her speech about limitations - which we can of course connect to Buck and Eddie talking about Christopher and his limitations before that and then afterwards going skateboarding with them. (It does feel a little deliberate.)

And then of course we have „Eddie Begins“ and you guys, they could have very very easily have either Carla or Buck make a joke about Mrs. Flores and Eddie’s crush in the firehouse scene, but they didn’t! And then we do get to see her at the end where she has one whole line and Eddie barely looks at her and you know what happens? They have a child ask the same question Buck asked at the beginning, making us think of Buck. Like, it would have been enough to establish Eddie doesn’t feel like a hero if the question was asked only once - twice in the span of 45 minutes constitutes a callback, meaning we are supposed to think of the other scene and that means thinking about the other person that asked, which was Buck

And yes, once Season 4 premieres and we get Eddie and Ana in this epic romance because Tim Minear wants to be the next Rick Berman, I will go back to this meta and beat my own ass. Or something.

(Listen, her returning in Season 4 does not mean endgame or the end of Buddie, it just means Eddie might get a love interest. Tbh I actually think it could get us closer to Buddie and you know what, I’m just gonna link all my Ana Flores posts here here and here now so you can read all the other stuff I, alongside some other people, said on this topic, if you’re interested because none of this has a point right now.)

Now, let’s get into the meat of things and talk about *that* scene:

Was it a good apology? No.

Did Buck deserve better? Fuck yes.

Did he get closure? Yes.

Is the way that scene was done actually perfect? I mean, ya’ll, yes? A little?

Listen, this scene was always about closure and that’s what Buck got here and that’s what Buck needed.

Buck, who in Season 1 had described Abby as the perfect woman, needed it to go down like this so he could realise she wasn’t and he could finally let her go. And that’s what it was about!

Obviously looking at Abby’s character this episode does not make her look good, like not at all and I’d be very surprised if we ever saw her again. But looking at it from Buck’s point of view it was exactly what he needed. (Not what he deserved, but yeah, if this show was about what Buck deserved it would be a whole lot different and Buddie would be canon by now.)

One thing I really loved about the scene was the way it was filmed, with LA in front of us, Abby and Buck with their backs to the camera and us only ever seeing them in profile, because it was a  private moment and this sort of made you feel like you were intruding. Like you were listening in on a conversation and I liked that a lot.

Also I think her speech about losing herself through helping people is very interesting because it contrasts her to Buck. Buck found himself in helping others and lost himself when he was no longer allowed to do that and I think that is what she means when she says she would have lost herself with him again. Because Buck is selfless and he is so selfless he inspires others to be the same, except Abby isn’t but being with Buck she would need to be and that is a problem.

Look, if you’ve followed this blog at all or maybe just read part one of the meta you have probably guessed by now that I don’t like Abby. I found her character boring. I thought she overstepped all the time. I got so mad at her for the way she treated Buck in Season 1!

Because in 1.06 she *actually* complains about him being too thoughtful and scared of messing up while calling him a *toy boy*. The truth is, after 1.05 and their first meeting, Abby no longer takes him seriously. She hardly ever takes his feelings into consideration. The relationship, from Valentines Day onward becomes all about what she wants and what she needs and our Buck is the selfless idiot who gives her his all.

I mean, she never even talked to Buck about wanting to leave, just presented him with her decision and then lived her life and never thought about him again.

And like, I think she is wrong if she thinks she’d have lost herself with him again, because Buck was what showed her that she lost herself in the first place. He helped her on the path of self-aquaintance (I guess? I’m lacking the word here), but she is right if she means the relationship wouldn’t have worked.

Because one of them would have lost themselves, though I do think it would have been Buck and not Abby. After all, Buck was the one who gave everything up from the get go and yes, Abby helped trigger him finding himself alongside Bobby and the job and she did help him stay on that path in the beginning - but in the end it was never about her at all. It was about him and him alone and the amazing person he had always been.

And I think that is what Buck realises in the scene. Despite Abby ghosting him, he still looked at her through rose coloured glasses and with fondness, but here, he realises, oh, Abby isn’t perfect. Abby isn’t like the woman I made her out to be. Abby never really cared about me. And as much as that probably hurt, this is what Buck needed to let go of her!

He needed to see that Abby wasn’t the perfect woman so he could let her go - and find himself the perfect person, someone who reciprocates and doesn’t just take. (Am I crying?)

(And look, I am not saying he already found someone like that, someone who proved in this episode how much they care about Buck and his feelings and making sure he comes home every night to his family - I’m saying he found someone who is working on being that person!)

Let’s talk about Eddie and Abby for a second, again, okay?

(Bro, how did I just get to that topic? So random! *laughs in Buddie*)

When I watched the episode my second time to take notes, I wrote one that said ‚Abby and Eddie parallels / lawsuit‘ - and I gotta be honest I barely remember what I meant. But I did still produce some thoughts (just not sure if that was where I was going with the note, so if anyone has some other ideas, please share):

You know how Abby talks about losing herself when she is with Buck? Well, I know someone who lost themselves just this season because he wasn’t with Buck! (Jup, we’re back with the lawsuit, ya’ll really thought I wouldn’t bring this up? You guys! More than 20000 words and you still don’t know me!)

It’s a very nice parallel to have Abby talking about losing herself with Buck when we saw Eddie losing himself without Buck. Because while I think Eddie himself is a selfless person just like Buck, similar to how Buck needed Abby in Season 1 as a catalyst of change so to speak, Buck was the catalyst of change for Eddie.

I talked a lot in the other parts about Eddie having problems with voicing his needs and feelings - and now please once again look at his relationship with Buck. Because here he has been doing this, not from the get go of course, Eddie didn’t take one look at Buck and his whole life was turned upside down (that was Buck looking at Eddie), but I think Buck steamrolling through Eddie’s life helped Eddie find himself. Buck, from the get go, is a calm centre for Eddie, an anchor, even after he reconnects with Shannon. Buck is who he turns to in a crisis, who he trusts with his son, with having his back.

And I think in both cases - Abby and Buck as well as Eddie and Buck - the relationship is brought to the next level through Buck’s selflessness and willingness to help. But while Abby just takes it and doesn’t really see it as the gift it is and never fully lets Buck in, Eddie does the opposite. Eddie, whether knowing or unknowing, makes himself exactly what Buck needs: someone who puts trust in him, who treats him like an equal, who opens his home and his family to him. And he also tries (and this is a big thing considering who we’re talking about right now) to be there for Buck, to be his anchor just like Buck is his - which obviously works with mixed results, because one person, no matter how hard they try can never fix the problems of someone else alone. Believe me. I’ve tried.

And wow, did that get deep and fast! Damn ya’ll and I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in like 5 days. This show really gives me all the feels!

Now, to keep me and maybe ya’ll from crying I’m gonna change the subject and talk about something else, also known as the rest of the episode:

To go back to the start of the episode, Buddie really had some extreme couple / family vibes going on, especially with Christopher in the mix. It’s telling that they included a scene of Buck and Christopher specifically and it was to remind us once again that these two have a strong bond.
I won’t go all: Buddie confirmed, this is were we are heading, ya’ll! Because as you must have realised by now I am fairly cautious when it comes to this and am always fighting to keep my own clownery at bay, but I do have to say so far nothing in this show and Season 3B specifically has read as a red flag for me, disapproving the possibility or making me feel queerbaited. Now, maybe I am just very off in my intuition and they will change gear in Season 4, but well, right now I have some hope!
I also loved the scene of Christopher going to camp and the card which reminded me of 3.01 and also, Eddie looks so good here! And he came so far, letting his son go to camp and all!

Of course I would have loved to see Buck there as well, but one, that would have been a Buddie confirmed and we’re not quite there yet and I’m glad cause right now they aren’t fully ready (in show terms, fanfiction is something different), and two this proves what I said about Buck and Christopher being connected and him having parental / fatherly feelings toward the boy but like, not being his actual father yet! Buck loves Chris and Chris loves Buck and obviously he is part of the Diaz family - but he also isn’t.

(Also: I went to something like camp when I was 11 and you think both my parents brought me? Nah, son, they didn’t. My dad brought me while my mom made breakfast.)

Now, some sidenotes to round it all off:

Karen is a gift and I really hope we see more of her because omg, I wanna be her friend, I wanna be her wife, I wanna learn about life from her! She is awesome and I will never fully forgive Hen for cheating on her, like girly, Eva isn’t even close to Karen on any level?

And speaking of Hen, I love the subplot of Chim coming to terms with her potentially leaving and deciding to help her because he was who she really needed on her side - not anyone else. I’d write a meta on their relationship but tbh it’s so consistent and unproblematic, I really don’t know what to write except: goals about 10000 times. Which isn’t that different to me finding new ways to write THE CONNECTION, if we’re being honest but oh well! Now it’s too late to stop that!

I loved Athena getting spooked by Bobby showing up behind her when she was getting a drink - talk about this show finally addressing the trauma these characters go through! And it only took, oh well, about 35 episodes. Let’s hope that is the energy they bring into Season 4.

Now the apology scene with Bobby, I do hate how Buck is once again the one apologising and especially since it’s with Bobby but I do think it was a nice scene and a great callback to 3.01. Also this episode showed a lot of growth in Bobby and Buck’s relationship. Because after 3a was all about Bobby projecting onto Buck and making decisions for him based on what he thought was the right thing, this episode not only had Buck standing up to Bobby in a healthy and adult way (no lawsuit this time!) but also Bobby giving in and letting Buck make the decision even if he disagreed. That is some motherforking growth right here and Babe, I hope you are not to disappointed with me, but if they keep Bobby like this I might actually begin to see his appeal to people (still need him to suffer the consequences of his actions, though).

But to end on a great note:

Buck is doing okay and - most importantly - MADNEY BABY!!! You guys, we knew it was coming from the promos and all but I cried! I cried so hard! I am so happy for them! These two soft characters and their amazing, open, caring, trusting, adult relationship deserves all the luck in their fictional universe!

Whew, you guys! We’ve done it! And it’s longer than Season 2 (I’m sorry, are ya’ll surprised? This episode was a lot!)

I feel like I should write some form of conclusion to this whole meta and yet my words elude me. Here are the few I have for you though:

This meta began with the idea that neither Buck nor Eddie really knew how to be emotionally intimate with a person and instead used sex as a substitute. This is no longer true for either character.

Buck has learned through his relationship with Abby, that he can be both physically and emotionally intimate with a person and he has proven how this is still true in his reaction to Taylor and his relationship with Ali, what little we saw of it. Furthermore Season 3B specifically showed that Buck, while still afraid to open up to people, is trying. I do think Season 4 is heading toward some kind of romance for him and while I am praying to several deities I do not believe in and the universe itself that it is Eddie, I am not sure. I hope so. But never the less, my shipping aside, Buck has grown tremendously in the course of 3 Seasons and I am so impressed both with his character and the way the show has so realistically done it. I love him. Even more than Buddie I hope we get to see him truly happy in Season 4, happy and settled and learning what life actually holds for him because that kid could rule the world if he wanted to.
Now, Eddie: It’s funny, when I began this meta I felt more connected to Buck, I didn’t really see myself in Eddie, I barely had a grasp on his character at times. Now? Now he is my favourite, I love his greyness, his goodness despite his faults, the way he always struggles with himself to do better, to be better because it doesn’t come naturally to him, because it has been taught to him to do the opposite. And that is so impressive. I love the growth we saw in him, the evolution, the fight to be a better man than his own role-models and I love especially how all of this was motivated by and for his son. He truly loves him more than life itself and I am so impressed with 911 subverting something that feels like a very female storyline by giving it to a man.

But of course Eddie isn’t done yet and Eddie still struggles with intimacy and opening up but he is getting there. Through Frank and Buck and for Christopher he is fighting and he is getting there and I love that for him and about him! He deserves to be happy in Season 4 just like Buck, but mostly he deserves to be at peace with himself!

And I already talked at length about Ana and their potential and linked what I thought didn’t fit in here, so I will not bore you by repeating myself and just say: wait. Wait and see. Maybe the show will surprise us. Maybe it won’t. Maybe corona will kill us all before we have a chance to see Season 4. Maybe we are in the Matrix and the blue pill is a metaphor for being trans. Life is strange!

Also on a more personal note I wanna say thank you to everyone who has read and liked and reblogged and commented. I love all of you. Your support and trust in what I am saying has meant a lot and will mean just as much in the future and I do hope I get to do this again in like a year once they return!

(Also, not to sound needy but another reminder to please reblog and comment? Because I *am* actually writing this because I really wanna talk about the show and my feelings and your thoughts and you know, that can only happen if ya’ll do some reblogging)

(Or come to my ask if you are more comfortable being even more anonymous, I don’t judge - I NEVER ask question any other way!)

In diesem Sinne: hamma wieder was gelernt, recht herzlichen Dank für Ihre Aufmerksamkeit und auf Wiedersehen!

Also, of course, the tagging:

@chimbuckleys​ @angelcamael​ @greyhello​ @the-family-we-choose-118​ @ipleiade​ @sevensoulmates​

[acciomanorian]

Wasting All These Tears on You (Jurdan Modern Au)

So, I did a thing. This is my first time trying to write fanfiction, and I hope that it isn’t horrible. If you like it, and want more, I would be willing to give it another go. I actually, kinda, had fun. Also, I left room in this fic for their to definitely be a part 2.

This is based off of the song Wasting All These Tears by Cassadee Pope. I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I tried to write it out instead. I really hope you guys enjoy. 1770 words.

Of all the days for Jude Duarte’s car to break down, of course it had to be the one with the downpouring rain. Fortunately, her office was only a ten minute walk from the home she shared with her fiance, Cardan. Unfortunately, she didn’t even have an umbrella, assuming she would have a working car to protect her from the rain. Maybe she could run into the coffee shop five minutes from their house, with the chocolate crullers that Cardan liked so much, a little treat for them both. Jude had been cutting down on carbs since the proposal, when she realized that she would have to wear a wedding dress, and wanting one scandalous enough to offend Madoc and Oriana. 

Just as she was about to duck into the coffee shop, Jude saw something through the glass that made her heart stop. Cardan sitting in a corner booth. He was supposed to be at work until six, he said. Something about an important meeting at the firm, a new client. Maybe that’s who he was meeting, although it doesn’t explain the expression on his face, like a love sick puppy. Or the glimpse she caught of the mysterious person, a girl really, who also happened to look extremely familiar. Nope, not a business meeting, Jude thought as she saw Cardan lean forward and kiss his “client” on the lips. 

As he leaned back, Cardan looked up, out the window and saw Jude standing there, watching him and a look of absolute horror overtook his face. The girl looked over as well. Nicasia. There was a sly smirk on her painted face, and she snuck a kiss on Cardan’s cheek before getting up from the booth and walking out the door. Cardan followed her, and Jude didn’t know if he intended to stop and explain himself or just keep following Nicasia. She turned away at the last second, feeling the tears running down her face, and began to walk towards her home.

“Jude!” She heard Cardan call behind her, but she was not going to wait. “Jude! Please, let me explain.” 

“Explain?” Jude cried, whipping around so fast, her wet hair smacked across her face. “Explain what? That you’re cheating on me? That you’re lying about where you are, so that I think I’m in a loving relationship with a loving fiance.” People were staring,  but it was the least of her concerns. Cardan however, was looking around, trying to find a place where they could talk without all the attention. 

“Please, Jude. Let’s go home, let me talk, let me explain.” 

“No. You can go home. I’m done. I’m going to stay at Vivi’s. I’ll be by tomorrow to pick up my stuff,” Jude turned around again, pulling her phone out of her pocket to call her older sister. Catching sight of the diamond on her finger, Jude ripped it off and threw it at Cardan, shouting “Take this, too. Maybe you can give it to Nicasia, since it seems you care more about her than about me.” 

Cardan let the ring land at his feet, not bothering to pick it up. “Jude, dear…” he said softly, but Jude was done listening to his lies. She didn’t want an explanation. She wanted her sisters, and a dozen bottles of alcohol, preferably the strong stuff. Luckliy, that was Vivi’s specialty, being a bartender at the local gay bar. 

The phone rang once, before Vivienne answered with a “‘Sup.”

“I’m coming over,” was all Jude said. The tears were running down her face, mingling with the rain pouring from the sky. 

There was radio silence, on the other end of the phone, and then “Okay”. No questions, nothing. This was the reason Jude called her older sister first, rather than her twin. She also knew that the second Jude hung up the phone, Vivi would be calling Taryn, and Jude’s best friend Liliver. 

The second Jude walked through the door of Vivi’s apartment, she was bombarded with a hug by Taryn, before being traded off to Vivi, and then Vivi’s wife Heather. After she was released, Jude found a bottle of vodka sitting on the counter, placed there by Vivi only moments before. Without any hesitation, she ripped off the top and began to guzzle it down like it was water, relishing the burn in her throat, hoping that it will make her forget the ache in her heart. 

She was halfway through the bottle when Liliver walked through the door, saw the look of Jude’s face and said, “Viv, you better have more than just that one bottle.”

She shot Lil a look. “What do you take me for? An amature?” 

Liliver just shook her head before coming over to Jude. “Babe, what happened?” she asked, swiping the bottle out of Jude’s hands. Lil took a sip before handing it back to her. 

“Cardan cheated on me. I saw him kissing another girl, and not just any other girl, but Nicasia.”

“Nicasia,” Taryn started, “as in his ex Nicasia.” 

“The one and only.” Jude took another chug of the vodka and wiped her wet eyes with the palm of her free hand. 

“That bastard. Wait until I get my hands on him, he’ll never know what hit him, my baby sister.” Vivi began to pace, until Heather put a hand on her back and handed her a glass of honey whiskey. She had two more glasses, as well as a barely opened bottle. Pouring generous amounts of the alcohol into the cups, she handed them out to Taryn and Liliver. Heather opted for a ginger ale herself, due to the fact that she was 3 months pregnant. 

“I have a better idea,” said Taryn after draining her glass. “Let’s go out and get wasted.”

Jude looked up at her twin, and saw the devilish grin on her face. “For the record, I had already planned on getting wasted, either alone or with you guys, but I’m in. Anything to make me forget, even for a little while.” She turned to Vivi, “You got something I can wear, cause I’m not going to a bar in my slacks.” 

Vivienne ran to her room, returning moments later with a silver mini dress. “The only way you’re wearing this is if you promise no more Cardan tears, cause I don’t need that negative energy polluting my favorite dress.” Jude only wiped her eyes a final time and took the last swig out of the vodka bottle. Rising from the chair, she accepted the dress from her sister and made her way to the bathroom. She splashed water on her face, thanking God for waterproof mascara and proceeded to get dressed. The silver mini was a little tight, thanks to Vivi’s slender figure, but fit nonetheless. 

Jude exited the bathroom, and grabbed her phone from her bag by the door. 13 missed calls, all from Cardan. She shut it off and threw it back into her bag, no inclination to call him back. 

“Let’s go get wildly drunk and make me forget everything,” Jude loudly shouted, followed by a woot from her sisters and friends. She was beginning to slur a little, the effects of an entire bottle of vodka slowly hitting her brain. Heather noticed this, and also knew that it was only going to get worse. 

“As the only person here who can’t drink, I volunteer to be the designated driver and get all of your drunk asses home tonight.” Heather also knew that she would be the only one with a working brain tonight.

The girls piled into Heather and Vivi’s car and made their way to Elfhame, the only bar where ladies get in free at all hours. Even though it was only a ten minute ride, Jude couldn’t hide her delight of the tiny bottles of assorted liquors being handed out from Vivi’s tiny bag. 

“Bottom’s up,” said Lil, before shooting back whatever was in the bottle she had been handed. Jude also drained hers, some cheap tequila. Good enough to get her drunk fast, but not enough to avoid a major hangover in the morning. 

Two more shots later, they arrived at the club, and were ceremoniously allowed inside. Jude would be lying if she said that she hadn’t flirted with the bouncer a bit in her inebriated state, just for a little extra treatment. It was granted, as the group was corralled into the VIP section and handed complimentary margaritas, mostly alcohol from the smell of them. A sip of her’s confirmed Jude’s suspicion, and she began to take bigger sips. As soon, as she finished the first drink, a second was pressed into her hand, another margarita that Jude drank half of immediately before making her way to the dance floor. 

Two hours, and about five drinks later, Jude was having the time of her life. Dancing with her sisters and friends, enjoying herself without the pressure of having a fiance at home who might not be too approving of the dancing she was doing with strangers at the club. 

When Jude and Taryn excused themselves for a quick brush up in the bathroom, she caught a glimpse of a guy watching her with profound interest. She knew him too, and allowed him to see her face, and the enjoyment of the night. Valerian just shot her a grin, in his eyes, a promise for something fun later. 

“How are you feeling?” Taryn asked once they got into the bathroom. 

“Never better,” Jude replied, throwing on another layer of lipstick. “I don’t even remember what I was crying about earlier, or if I was even crying.”

“Good, I’m glad. We haven’t had a good girls night out in a while. I missed this, and I missed you.” 

“I missed you too.” Jude gave her twin a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, leaving a bright red lipstick stain behind. Taryn didn’t even bother to wipe it off, she just laughed and pulled her sister out the door and back onto the dance floor, where they were greeted with another round of tequila shots and margaritas.

…

At five in the morning, Jude found herself on the bathroom floor of the guest room she was sharing with Taryn and Lil. She was over the toilet, dry-heaving the alcohol left in her system. As the memories returned to her more sober brain, she began to cry in earnest again. She remembered why she wanted to go out drinking, remembered seeing Cardan and Nicasia together, the fight, the ring. Jude felt her heart break a second time.

[joy1579]

Zen cheated on MC. She finds out and instead of crying her eyes out is getting drunk and calling Seven (which is madly in love with her but never told her because of her relationship with Zen).

so first I’m so sorry this took sooooooooo long but i hope you get it and i hope you like it. i had a ton of fun writing drunk MC. also i didn't want MC to use seven as a rebound so they don’t get together right away but seven does take care of her and they probably get together after a couple of months. she has time to move on and their romantic relationship has a real foundation to grow on.

so without further ado

zen cheats and seven gets the girl

You normally didn’t pay any attention to the gossip that circled around Zen constantly. after all every week they claimed there was some new lover or budding cast romance and every week without fail, Zen would come home to you, loyal as a knight. lately though the rumors had become more focused more realistic somehow. Zen’s rehearsals had run later, started earlier, things simply seemed off no matter how much you tried to deny it. so when the news story broke and plastered TV, magazines, and websites with numerous pictures of Zen wrapped around some pretty little blonde with big blue eyes, you hated to admit how much you had braced yourself for the blow.

the RFA chatroom was going haywire and your phone was ringing off the hook as you packed a single small bag. you supposed you should have been crying, grieving the loss of nearly two and a half years of “love” washed away by little more than some passing fancy. yet you couldn’t quite find it in yourself. Instead you felt an icy ball of hard anger settle in the pit of your stomach.

so it was that you now stood in some no name nightclub sipping a drink you couldn’t pronounce bought for you by some guy that had since given up on your affections. You had shut off your phone to stop all the notifications that had been flooding in since the pictures of Zen and THAT woman were released. You didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of that bomb dropping right now, didn’t want to explain things to the RFA or have to see Zen trying to defend himself. Right now all you wanted was to find some sort of catharsis in the loud music, alcohol and dancing. Downing the last of the far too sweet drink, you made your way toward were the band took requests. you shoved a ten towards the man and half shouted over the music.

“something fast, angry, and loud” he nodded and you decided to grab another drink while you waited for your request. you opted for strength over taste and grimaced as you chugged the drink. the icy anger you felt slowly dulled with your 3rd drink of the night and in the back of your mind you knew it was more the effects of alcohol than any real emotional progress. Four more drinks and several songs later had you ready to turn your phone back on if only to find a place to stay. confusion struck you however when your lock screen showed only black with green text moving at lightning speed.

“grrrrl that’s crazy you gotta show me how you got it to do that!” said one of the girls you had found yourself dancing with earlier.

“I didn’t do this girl.” you said slurring your speech only the slightest bit “oh no! what if this isn’t my phone!” you gasped “no nah it’s my case false alarm it’s mine. see the purple that’s, that’s my color so it’s got to be my pho-.” you were cut off by the ringing and answered it quickly fumbling the phone just a bit your drunken haste “phone?”

“mc?!?” cried the voice on the other end

“seven!! lucy, lucy- yell, lu- luceal? how do you, how do you say your name seven? not seven the other name you know the L one the bible name.”

“what? MC? are you drunk? never mind. listen I’m on my way to get you I got your location from your phone already so I’ll be there soon”

“I made friends, seven listen, listen” you pointed your phone towards the group of girls you’d been dancing with “grrl! grrl! you gotta come here my friends on the phone! you know the guy I told you

“fuck that guy!” one of them yelled prompting another to cheer an agreement.

you tried to stifle the laugh that fell from you lips before you replied. “nooooo the other, the other guy the good one remember? oh she’s dancing now.” you held the phone back to your ear to explain “she’s dancing now seven but, she’s so nice and she said, listen she said hyun is” what had she said? the memory was fuzzy now but you did know one thing “hyun is so stupid you know that?”

“MC I’m so sorry about what happened”

“where does he get off pulling that crap?” you broke into a fit of giggles suddenly “wait no I know where he gets off don’t I. Do you think she knows? seven do you think she knew?”

“mc please I’m almost there okay just 3 minutes’ tops can you come outside for me I’ll meet you outside”

“seven I think, I think I need a place to stay cuz, I think I need a place to stay because I lost my key or I gave it away? I don’t know”

“mc come outside please I’m pulling in”

“seven thank you so much oh, oh just a sec” you held the phone to your chest “grrl I gotta go!” you yelled waving at the dancing girls.

one waved back at you quickly before another shouted “you do you girl! YOU do YOU!”

you laugh at that and yell back “Imma do ME” before stumbling towards the door. just as you reached for the handles though the world lurched to one side and you stumbled directly into someone’s chest.

“mc? are you okay? you don’t look good! come on let’s get you out of here.” it took you several long moments before you recognized the car and voice of the man you had run into.

“sev! your here!” seven flinched at your loud voice before raising an eyebrow at you

“MC how drunk are you? like on a scale of 1 to 10”

you looked at your fingers for a moment as if you were trying to count but when your eyes focused back on sevens face your only answer was simply “which one is drunk?”

“okay. That answers that”

“I hate him you know?”

“huh? oh yeah”

“and I, I think he, sev? seven how long do you think?” you asked pulling your knees up to your chest and leaving your heels on the car’s floorboard.

“I don’t know” he admitted solemnly eyes locked on the road and hands in a white knuckle grip on the wheel. the momentary silence in the car was broken by the ringer on your phone playing the telltale love song you had set as Zen’s ringtone. you grimaced and rolled down the window before dropping your phone out of the speeding car.

“what the?!? MC! did you just - “

 “shhhhhh I don’t want to talk about it.” You slurred moving your hand in his vague direction trying to put your fingers to his lips in the classic shushing style but failing miserably.

“I um I’m pretty sure the phones destroyed anyway so I guess that’s that” he mumbled drifting off as you sunk lower in your seat curling in on yourself even more.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this sleepy seven” you mumble before yawning and hugging yourself tight “Hyun may suck but he was always warm ya know? like, like a god damn space heater”

“if your cold I can turn on the heater” seven suggested gently one hand moving to adjust the air conditioner for you

“nooo” you whine grabbing his hand. you gasped the second your skin met his and exclaimed “your hands so cold”. bringing his hand to your face and pressing his icy finger gently against your eyes you mumble “they’re perfect”. after a moment you sigh enjoying the soothing chill against your skin. you didn’t notice sevens blush as he focused resolutely on the road.

 waking the next morning was hell. the blinking red lights of all the electronics in the room were way to bright and none of them went off at the right times. you buried your head into a dark red pillow before slowly things clicked into place. had your head not ached with every movement you would have sat bolt upright in the bed, but considering the angry throbbing in your skull and slight nausea in your stomach you opted to simply bury yourself farther into the bedding around you. the sheets smelled familiar, a semi sweet honey kissed scent that brought to mind cheeky smiles and mischievous winks. between the signature scent and the deep maroon color you knew exactly who’s bed you’d ended up in. sevens. at some point you would have to address all the implications of that fact but first you figured you should start with hangover management. first things first after all. head still buried in the bedding you used one hand to feel around you and get your bearings. when your finger met with a bedside table you searched it for anything to sooth your headache only to hear a quiet chuckle. you groaned shamefully before deciding to simply flip off the man watching you struggle before pulling you hand back into your make shift blanket sanctuary. After a moment you heard the door open and shut before the sound of a glass being set down on the bedside table told you it was okay to reach out again.

“I shouldn’t drink. I never drink? why did I drink? who let me make such a terrible decision.” you grumble to yourself sipping on the water seven had brought you praying to ease your headache.

“we couldn’t reach you to stop you. you turned your phone off.”

“sorry” you said shamefully “I know you don’t like alcohol picking me up probably wasn’t fun was it”

“don’t worry i was too worried about you to be angry” you buried yourself back in the blankets to shield yourself from light again. he was sat facing the bed with his laptop angled to shine away from you, a gesture you were extremely thankful for even if the light still felt blinding.

“thank you for letting me stay here seven. I guess I’ll have to look for someplace new to stay huh? I don’t really want to continue living with, him” you mused

“I uh, I have a guest room. just till you get back on your feet if you want.”

“you sure you and Saeran wouldn’t mind? I don’t want to impose”

“I’ll ask him but I doubt he’ll mind he practically thinks of you as a sister”

“thanks.” you said letting yourself peek out of the blankets just a little “um where’s my phone?” you didn’t like the mischievous smirk that lit sevens face at that question. Your drunk self-had a lot of explaining to do.

 the following weeks where long. putting your life back together seemed to highlight just how much of it you had built around Zen but seven helped the whole way. you had seven send him the info to take over the fan page that you had managed for him. he even helped you replace your phone and block Zen’s number. you and Saeran spent several evenings listening to angry music before eventually you had raged enough to be sad about everything that had happened and then seven was there to cheer you up. he joked around and sent you cute cat pics, one time he even took you to see Ellie while Jumin was at work. after a while you returned to the RFA chat determined to face whatever drama was awaiting you but seven had already handled it. He had banned Zen that first day and let the other members know what was going on so you didn’t have to relive every detail; and for the first time you thought maybe when one door closes, another one opens.

[heathersgameoftag]

anyway here’s a preview lmao. i don’t have this one planned out and idk if i will continue with it but. it’s been in my head for too long i had to write it.

Veronica was completely numb.

Because life prepares you for many things, but becoming complicit in somebody’s murder is not on that list. Usually when life hits you hard, you go through the motions of grief or anger or depression or perhaps all three. It’s always messy and difficult, but at least you feel something. Right now, she had no idea how to interpret the events of this morning, had no idea how she was supposed to feel, had no idea what she was feeling. How was someone supposed to feel in a situation like this? Guilty, perhaps? That was an obvious one. Maybe that’s how she would have felt if her brain knew how to process… everything.

Not only was she complacent in both a murder and a murder cover-up, the murder victim in question was her best friend and worst enemy, whom she was supposed to hate with every fibre of her being, but all of it was now gone. She felt nothing. She was numb. She hated it, because even though she had no good role models to look up to in a situation like this, she would have thought the moral thing to do was to be unable to stop sobbing over the death of your close friend who threatened to destroy you the previous night. Oh, dear, sweet, terrible, evil Heather Chandler, how we will miss you so.

Should she be calling her evil at a time like this? Her corpse was probably still lying on her bedroom floor right now, there to be found by her family when they returned from their trip to grandma’s. Oh, that was a horrific thought that made her stomach churn. Good, she was finally feeling something, and it was nausea. Then again, that could easily be caused by the alcohol she drank last night, and the thought of her worst enemy’s lifeless body was just enough to make the bile in her stomach rise more than it should.

She managed to keep it down the rest of the walk home - she’d told JD she would be fine walking back to her house by herself, because as smitten as she was with him right now, she wanted to at least act like she was going through the first stage of grief and shut herself inside for a bit. She made it to her door, at last, and cradled her stomach as she unlocked and locked it again after stepping inside the house. She ran upstairs and darted into the bathroom, kneeling over the toilet for some time before vomit finally crawled up her throat. It was nothing but liquid - she’d chugged a shit ton of JD’s tap water and eaten absolutely nothing since 10pm last night, so that made a lot of sense. It was disgusting how it stuck to her tongue after the worst got out, but staring at the vomit floating in the toilet water was a lot better than the blue liquid that had dripped down Heather’s chin.

“Veronica, honey, are you alright in there?” A knock on the door that she’d actually forgotten to lock.

“Yeah. Fine. Hungover.” Not entirely a lie. “Don’t worry, mom, I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

I killed someone. “I’m good.”

“Drink plenty of water, okay? And breakfast will help, if you haven’t had anything yet.”

Food was the last thing Veronica wanted right now. “No thanks.”

“I can make you a hangover cure?” her mother joked. Veronica just froze, unsure what to reply with. Did she know? How did she know? Were she and JD seen leaving Heather’s house?

“I’ll take that as a no,” her mother eventually said. “Just get plenty of rest - your father and I will try and make as little noise as possible.”

“Thanks.” She wanted to slap herself for being so paranoid, but hey, maybe paranoia was common with people who just committed a murder. “I think I will sleep for a bit.”

“Just call if you need anything.”

A time machine. She shakily lifted herself back onto her feet, flushed the toilet and brushed her teeth lazily. The mint flavour was a relief, she’ll admit that, drinking and vomiting and fucking all in one night will murder your breath.

Kind of like how she murdered Heather.

Spitting her toothpaste into the sink and washing it down with more water, she trudged to her room and blocked all sources of light. Curtains were drawn, lights were all off and door was closed, all that was left to do was to strip her clothes off, throw an oversized t-shirt on and curl up in her bed, ready to sleep soundly to the thought of Heather gagging and choking and taking her last dying breath, all because she picked up the wrong fucking mug.

It was a mistake. We all make mistakes, she told herself, closing her heavy lids.

And my mistake was murdering Heather Chandler.

[thecosmicsen]

✮ ┆  D-6 COUNTDOWN TO INÉS’ BIRTHDAY WITH @shesin​

he stares down at the muted twinkling of the metal band situated on his ring finger,  thumbing idly at the glimmers that catch the cosy dim lights of the bar.  the incandescence of fidelity.  once the lustre used to spark a slew of comforting warm trickles of utmost bliss that would curl his toes from the simple happiness he would gain from observing the proof of his lifelong ardent dedication to the one woman who he truly loves with all his aching heart.  but now he cannot say the same anymore as the dreamy euphoria has now dissolved into a slush of bitter resentment of what he perceives to be the worst betrayal to their adoringly spoken vows. 

another sip of his bourbon on the rocks is an unconscious reminiscence to what his treacherous love enjoys indulging herself for a choice of drink.  there is some woman perched besides him on one of the stools at the bar but he hasn’t taken a glimpse of her face yet despite the fact that she is relentless with her pitiful attempts of sultry engagement.  you’re not Inés.  you never could nor ever will be her.  she is on a different level to you all.  please shut the fuck up.   

he continues to thumb and thumb at his ring,  his eyes flitting half-closed as he sharply inhales the aromatic scents of the bourbon.  it all reminds him of her.  no matter what he fanatically throws himself into to at least get out of his mind for a few minutes,  her presence refuses to leave.  she has leeched her roots and implanted them far too deep in his heart that all he can do is sit at this bar,  close his eyes,  take in the earthy warm scents of vanilla and butterscotch that tugs on the strings of his heart with a gory twist of resentment that oozes out all his incubated hate towards her.  what have you done to me  ?  she has made sure that all his mental fixation remains solely on her and only her.  it drives him insane,  his knuckles whitening as his grip tightens fiercely around his glass,  teeth gritting in nostalgic agitation as the fog of Inés Inés Inés wholly engulfs his system.  this is the drink she likes take in that one crystallised whiskey tumbler she sets aside for the times they relax together in the bath together with.  these are the honeyed hints of what tastes off her skin with such tantalising allure.  this is all Inés Inés Inés. 

“  what is she like  ?  ”  is the one question from the incessant woman sitting next to him that pierces through his whimsical despise-tinged recollections of the woman who has destroyed him worse than any of his family members did to him.  he will make her pay for it,  that is for certain.  if she thinks she can shovel out his presence in her life,  she is about to become sorely disappointed.  he has always told her this before,  he is here to stay by her side and never leave.

without any disruption to his spiteful revenge fantasies that begin to manifest in a lustful storm of appeasement,  his gaze remains on the ever glimmering wedding ring band on his finger and how painstakingly perfect it naturally looks to be placed there.  another excruciating stab to his heart elicits an imperceptible flinch from him as he wonders what she did with her wedding ring yet.  

“  she is unlike any other,  ”  he smugly narrates to the ever curious female although the metallic tang of blood pools in his mouth as he bites down on his tongue in vicious spite to be admitting such a thing.  “  a fucking nightmare.  a daydream.  all the clichés of that paradox can be applied to her.  she is someone you aspire to be but you know that you will never even be able to glimpse the unreachable level she is at.  she can make you feel like you don’t mean shit to her but you will try your best to appeal to her with your redeeming qualities anyway.  she creates a new set of conduct and morals in you.  she isn’t untouchable though.  she is here.  she is present.  everyone follows her on social media.  I can reach out to her.  I can touch her if she wants it.  but she is a demon and makes no attempt to hide it.  she will rub your face into dirt and then make you lick it clean off her shoes.  you will have the illusion that you managed to secure her emotional intimacy and trust for you that you begin to think that you know the emotions surfacing to her eyes.  when she is deep in thoughts,  calculating and observing you,  you won’t be able to stop staring at her lips.  she has a habit of licking over her teeth and folding her arms when she is examining you  —  taking amusement from whatever you said or did.  over time,  if she lets you,  you will get to know all her quirks.  believe that you got touch and gently bring out her emotionally attuned functions.  but in the end,  you forget that she is a demon.  she hunts prey for fun.  she will get countries starting world war three over her just because she feels a little bored and wants to purposefully start shit as long as it doesn’t affect her wealth and assets too much.  lures you in with a false sense of security.  brings along her demon boytoy because she doesn’t know how to commit to the one person who is willing to accept every part of her.  she is smart.  she knows how to play her games.  she is a menace to the fabric of society by doing whatever the fuck she wants without any consequences.  ” 

willing himself to take another deep breath,  the action merely comforting and placebo from the mere habit of doing so,  he takes another sip of his bourbon with a forlorn sigh mingling with an uttered groan of annoyance.  a twisted smile upturns the corners of his lips,  his heart dropping to his stomach as he whispers out,  a few syllables cracking under his distressed state of mind.  “  but what do you do when you find out that this demon also gave birth to two of your baby boys who are the most beautiful ones to ever exist  ?  this woman who lives to hurt managed to mother my children with so much love.  where is her love  ?  I can’t see it for me.  I can see it in our beautiful baby’s eyes that light up when they see their mother.  I can see it lining their bodies with their fat rolls.  how they wiggle in happiness when she comes into their view.  she loves them but she doesn’t love me.  is it so wrong of me for wanting to spend time with my own boys  ?  she drives me insane . . .  I love her and I fucking hate her with my entire heart.  she is the only one who owns me and is allowed to have me.  Min Inhye.  that is who she is.  the love of my life.  the mother of my children.  my fucking downfall.  ”  

he spits out the last few words with utmost venom before he aggressively chugs down the rest of his bourbon,  the liquid scorching his already parched throat in the process but he pays no mind to it. slamming the glass back down on the counter,  he glances down at his ring once again.  something stirs within him,  a pathetic sense of all I want is her and to take me back.  but now she has his sworn enemy by her side now and that is something he cannot allow.  he will not lose this fight.  his heart craves for respite and reconciliation.  is it really too late to hope for that still  ?  but he remembers how she gave birth to their gorgeous baby boys all on her own,  already damning their life without a stable father figure that he knows he can be.  he remembers how she has so cruelly parted him from his own children without a single word of his say in this matter.  he remembers how she had the nerve to attempt to talk him down the moment he witnessed with his own eyes with how that fucking demon boytoy of hers just casually strolled in her living room to start playing with his babies.  the babies that are supposed to be carrying down the Ahn family name.  his baby boys,  the ones he always dreamt about having when the blood was still flowing through his veins.  she took it all away from him.

he yanks the wedding ring off.

finally,  he looks up to observe the face of the woman who provoked his bitter tangent about Inés.  you don’t look like Inés.  he eyes her distastefully from head to toe,  his mind automatically distinguishing her with repulsion on all the points that separate her likeliness to Inés.  no,  he needs someone like her.  it will make it easier for him.  after all,  why should he fuck someone who is five foot three with fried split ends  ?  he gives a curt dismissal of disinterest before moving on.  it has to be someone like Inés with the same gorgeous raven locks,  the amber hues of her eyes,  the tapered ends of her canines,  the proud impressive lifted back slope of her shoulders,  the legs that go on for days . . . 

where is she  ?

[drhxnkmccoy]

Love & Other Drugs - Quentin Beck x Reader

a/n: it’s been quite some times! i’m so sorry for my absence. between a promotion, school ending + moving, it’s been crazy. here’s a little something i whipped up after watching spiderman: far from home! i love jake gyllenhaal and love & other drugs is one of my favorite movies... i thought quentin applied well in this situation (or at least i would like to imagine so). some other requested imagines will be up VERY SOON. enjoy!

Summary: Quentin’s never said the words before, especially to someone he thought was disposable. Now that he’s afraid to let go, there’s only one question: does she feel the same?

Quentin tried his hardest to shut the door quietly behind him. He took off his jacket and tossed his oil-stained lab gloves atop the pile of dirty laundry that was overflowing from the hamper in the corner of his apartment. He slid into bed, not as stealthily as he had intended as he felt (Y/N) turn over beside him.

“Did you get laid?” She asked casually, rolling onto her back.

“Oh, yeah,” a smile pulled at his lips, “William’s a great fuck.”

She laughed, encouraging his smile to fully present itself. He leaned down, kissing her neck as she continued to speak.

“I was afraid you were.”

He tilted his head up to look at her, eyebrows raised. Afraid? The gears started turning in Quentin’s head and he realized that she was didn’t want him to be seeing other girls. She wanted him to herself. Quentin pondered the thought of the two of them… forever. He’d been with a lot of girls, more specifically he’d broken up with a lot of girls. He never considered himself the type of guy to just settle down and be in a relationship - he always had to be rogue and unpredictable, but now he as he imagined himself waking up besides other girls, the only thing he could think was that these other girls just weren’t her. He snickered, a smirk appearing on his lips, “You’re crazy.”

His lips connected with hers and he felt her hands start to tug at his hair. He usually lived for the feeling of her hands in his hair, but this time something started to tug at his heart strings and after a moment his heart completely dropped into his stomach, leaving his chest with a wild, empty feeling and his stomach with butterflies.

She opened her eyes as she felt his lips separate from hers, immediately noticing the look on his face and the way he couldn’t seem to catch his breath.

“What? Is everything okay?”

Quentin couldn’t find the words to answer her. Both of his arms had begun shaking, and everytime his brain thought of something to say his tongue fucked it up.

“Honey, your heart is beating really fast.” Both of (Y/N)’s hands were on his chest now, the feeling of her palms atop his dress shirt burning into his skin.

Quentin sat up, panting as (Y/N) followed suit. She crossed her legs and watched as he loosened the cheap tie around his neck in an effort to take in some air. (Y/N) leans in a tad closer, tugging Quentin’s old tee shirt over her knees in an effort to warm herself in the blanket’s absence. Quentin liked to keep the windows open, and even though it froze her she always obliged. Every night she hoped that the cold would bring him closer to her, and every morning she woke up tied between the sheets and his arms.

“Q, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I, uh,” he stumbled, the words stuck in his throat as he tried to find the best way to tell her, finally producing what could only be described as word vomit,  “oh... I love you.”

(Y/N)’s whole demeanor changed, confusion mixed with panic taking over her face, “What?”

“Oh, God... I...” He took a deep breath, hands still shaking as he closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down.

“Uh..” (Y/N) had no idea how to respond. Love? She hadn’t signed up for love. She hadn’t signed up for any of this, really. If she had just ordered her coffee ahead of time instead of waiting in line, she never would have met Quentin Beck and she wouldn’t be in this position.

“Just give me your number,” he’d said, flashing her a smile that most girls wouldn’t be able to say no to. She could see the arrogance in his eyes and how he thought he had her all figured out.

“Oh yeah? What’s in it for me?” She shot back over folded arms.

She noticed the slight crack in his composure - she was sure no girl had ever questioned his motives. His smooth smile didn’t budge as he shrugged, “I’ll take you out for dinner, some drinks… maybe a little bit of dancing.”

She rolled her eyes at his offer, knowing damn well what an attractive man like him wanted with a pretty girl like her.

“Not interested. But you throw sex on the table, and you have yourself a deal.”

She grinned at how he completely lost his smooth placidity and took a moment just to stare at her. His smile returned once he realized she was being serious, this time much darker than before as he shook his head, “I’m gonna have fun with you.”

That was all it was supposed to be. Sex. No more, no less.

“No,” she said firmly, shaking her head with confidence. There was no way Quentin could love her. She hadn’t even been sure if Quentin was capable of such an emotion - she’d seen the way he treated some of his employees. As out of control as his temper could get, he’d never unleashed it on her. No, she told herself. It just wasn’t possible. Quentin didn’t love her. She reached out to steady him, “No, you don’t.”

“Don’t touch me!” He pulled his arms in tight, and she quickly withdrew her hand from his shoulder.

“Okay! Okay, I’m sorry, um, no.. really, it’s fine,” the words escaped her lips at the speed of bullets as she talked over his apologies to try and calm him, “You want some water? Let me get you some water..”

“Yes, water,” Quentin gasped. How did this happen? He had been surprised enough when the pretty girl in the coffee line beat him to the punch. He was now even more surprised that his fling of the month had grown into something way more complicated than he anticipated.

(Y/N)’s feet padded across his apartment floor, water spilling slightly from the overfilled glass. “Here,” she shoved the glass into his hands, “drink, drink it.”

Quentin chugged the tepid glass of water, gathering his thoughts as the calm rushed over him. He sighed, thinking about all the time they had shared. He thought about how everything had started, how rigid and stiff their bodies moved together and how before he had time to roll over, she was half dressed and out the door. He thought about how time went on, and they went from awkward sex to enjoying each other’s company, to staying the night, to taking care of each other. All the laughs, all of the moments... everything he could have ever asked for, only he didn’t have to. She knew what he needed.

“I love you.” He was much more confident in his words now that he was calm.

“You don’t mean that -“

“You don’t understand.” Quentin cut her off, a hand instinctively reaching to grip her wrist, his whole life flashing before his eyes as he thought of all the people he never had a chance to love, “My father was a fucking loser. He couldn’t have given a shit about me if he tried. My mother passed away after I was born. I.. I’ve never had anyone who...” Quentin paused, avoiding the stare of a now intent and concentrated (Y/N). “I’ve never said that... before.”

“Never?” She wanted so badly to hug him. Her brain raced to find a way to make him feel better, to make him feel a little less serious about the whole situation, “I... um.. I once said it to a cat?”

Quentin paused, taking deep breaths as he pondered what she had said. Maybe it wasn’t that serious. Maybe love didn’t mean as much as he thought it did. Maybe she just didn’t love him like he loved her.

“Okay... okay, that makes me feel a little better..”

A pit had begun to form in (Y/N)’s chest. She’d never thought about love much before now. She felt her frozen heart begin to melt as she watched the way he took in breaths. Did she love Quentin? Was she just being possessive of him? Did she really want this forever?

“You can, uh, hold me, now..” Quentin leaned into her side, and she mumbled a word of acknowledgement against his ear as she wrapped her arms around him.

As Quentin sunk into her arms and the two of them slowly crashed back against the pillows, she felt the same tug at her heart.

Oh yeah. She loved him, too.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Won’t You Stay (Part 12)

Summary: With the reader now acting and directing, things are about to get a bit more hectic. Until things go horribly wrong that is...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x Director!reader

Word Count: 2,800ish

Warnings: language, angst, implied past domestic abuse, arguing

A/N: Please enjoy!

_____

“Put your left foot back,” said your stunt coordinator the next morning, Jensen sipping on a coffee as he watched you rehearse on some mats. “Now get your butt in here Ackles. It’s your stunt too.”

“But coffee,” he whined, chugging it down quickly before he set the empty cup down. He jogged over and took a place by you, giving you a smile. “She has no idea what she’s gonna do, does she.”

“Y/N, we’re gonna have you flip, Jensen,” said Adam. You stared at him and then at Jensen, looking him up and down.

“I can’t flip him! Have you seen the size of him?” you said. 

“Shouldn’t have written Molly getting pissed and going hulk then,” said Jensen. “It’s not a big stunt. You don’t even have a real fight scene. One little flip is all.”

“Jensen, come at her like we practiced. Slowly,” said Adam. Jensen walked in front of you and made the first move Adam had showed you. You grabbed his hand and Jensen spun you around. “Pause. Y/N. Now that your side is to him, you’re gonna use your hip to flip him.”

“Uh...” you said, Adam stepping in and taking your place. 

“You’re gonna plant your feet, Jensen’s going to lean forward and then...” he said, pushing out his hip, tugging gently on Jensen’s arm and then using his hip to get Jensen up and over. He slammed back down on the mat and gave a thumbs up. “Y/N, you’re up.”

Jensen hopped up to his feet and got back in position. You started the move again, pausing when you got to lifting him up.

“You got power in those hips. Go on, use it,” said Adam.

“You won’t hurt me, Y/L/N,” said Jensen. You grabbed his hand and put out your hip, Jensen leaning forward and you felt yourself pick him up, leaning forward so you could flip him on the ground.

“Good, very good. Let’s try again a little faster,” said Adam. You reset and tried it again, Adam smiling more this time as it looked more natural. It certainly felt it. “Good. Perfect. Practice a few more times but I think you guys got this. I’m gonna grab another coffee and Jensen we’ll work your fight scene for tomorrow more when I get back.”

“He gets to enjoy his coffee,” said Jensen, rolling over on the ground.

“Can we try a few more times, grumpy?” you asked. “I’ll let you in on the secret coffee club.”

“There’s a secret coffee club?” he said, shooting up with a smile. 

“Yup. Very elite. If you help me learn this stunt, I can pull a few strings and get you in,” you teased. He smirked and stepped in front of you.

“Oh, I think I’m getting in no matter what,” he said.

“Is that a fact?”

“I can be very persuasive when I want to be,” he said.

“Oh really,” you said. He hummed and wrapped his arms around you. “Not very effective.”

“It will be,” he said, dipping his head down to your neck and kissing under your jaw.

“Cheater,” you growled, giggling when it started to tickle.

“Morning kids,” said your dad, Jensen practically jumping away from you. “I’m not interrupting am I?”

“Practicing a stunt,” you said, Jensen nodding quickly. Your dad looked him up and down.

“That what they’re calling it nowadays,” he smirked. “Don’t mind me. Carry on.”

“Just uh, really go for it this time,” said Jensen. You nodded as you started the move again, your dad humming as you flipped Jensen over.

“Jensen, get a bit closer to her. She won’t need to put out her hip so far and it won’t look as rough,” said your dad. He shrugged as he got back up, your dad rolling his eyes when Jensen got into a new position. “No, get up behind her, like touching.”

“Like this?” asked Jensen, his thigh brushing the back of your leg. 

“Yeah. Try it that way. You’ll both save your backs a bit,” he said. You tried flipping Jensen again and it felt like one smooth motion that time, your dad giving a thumbs up. “Much better.”

You practiced a few more times before Adam returned and you swapped out with your dad, he and Jensen going over a fight scene.

“Jensen, come find me when you’re done here,” you said.

“Will do, pretty girl.”

“Reporting for duty,” said Jensen, knocking on the door of your office up in the production suite an hour later. You smiled and finished typing an email, sending it off. “I was hoping I could get in on this coffee deal before we start filming soon.”

“You going to try giving me a hickey again?” you said as you stood up and grabbed your bag.

“Only if you want,” he said, flashing a wink your way. You laughed and headed out to the hall with him. “I take my coffee very seriously so I hear about a secret coffee club, I’m in.”

“You know how my dad and some people stop over to the workshop in the morning where they build sets? Check out office B sometime,” you said.

“Why not now?” he said. 

“Because I have to go to a staff meeting,” you said. “Unfortunately.”

“You could always skip,” he said.

“I don’t think I can. But head over and grab some before we get going. We’ll start in twenty minutes,” you said. “Okay? I’ll be over soon.”

“There she is,” said your dad when you finally made it to set half an hour later. “You forget where work was?”

“Can everyone gather around?” you called. You walked over to the center of set, waiting a beat for the crew to get together. You shut your eyes and let out a slow breath of air, reluctantly opening them. “Alright guys. I just had a meeting with the studio execs. Apparently a complaint was made yesterday about the slowness of filming scenes I was involved in. I would have preferred whoever it was came to me or their supervisor directly but it’s too late for that now. The studio decided that I can either continue as the director on this project or I can be an actor. I apparently lack the experience necessary to manage a project of this scale while doing both.”

You took another deep breath and sighed.

“I…” you said, finding your dad’s face in the crowd. “I have decided-“

“It was me,” he said. You stared at him, your face falling. “Can we discuss this in private?”

He stepped forward and grabbed your hand, pulling you outside.

“Kiddo-“

“No,” you said, shrugging him off. “I...I just told them I would stop production so they can find a new actress. Either way this thing is dead. They’ll never pick it back up now so thanks for that.”

“Y/N-“

“Fuck you,” you said as you stormed away. You felt his hand on your arm and you turned around. “Stay away from me. Forever.”

“Y/N,” he said.

“You know, this book, this movie, has been the one fucking happy thing in my life the past year and you had to go and rip it away from me because I ran us late one fucking day,” you said. “You gave me six fucking hours to figure out how to manage everything before you went and pulled the carpet out from under me. Six hours. I was delegating today, I was figuring it out but apparently it was too fucking late for you.”

“Kiddo-“

“No. Just stop. Big fucking movie star, always gets his way. Well work is cancelled. Go the fuck home. You don’t have to worry about being late now,” you said. You could feel the tears running down your face and knew you couldn’t go back inside and talk to everyone like that. 

“You can’t do both. I could see how overwhelmed-“

“I am not a child!” you shouted back. “You do not make those decisions for me! Who the fuck are you to say I can’t do something? Fuck you. You’re a fucking shitty dad. I would have been better off with the bitchy dead mom.”

He stared at you as you wiped off your face with your shirt. You walked back onto set, ignoring the looks you were getting.

“As I was saying, I decided to keep my directorial role. Production is going on hiatus while the project searches for a new female lead,” you said, voice cracking. “It’s unclear how long that will be but the estimate given to me was for months. Information will be sent out by email later today. I apologize for the delay and look forward to working with everyone again soon.”

You practically ran out of there, making your way towards your production office when a hand caught your wrist and started to drag you along after them. You looked up, Jensen pulling your hat down over your face as you started to cry harder.

“Almost there,” he said, a trailer door opening. He locked it after himself and he set you down on his couch, kneeling down in front of you. “Hey. Hey. When they find a new lead-“

“It’s dead. After today, it’s never gonna happen. I know it’s just a stupid movie and it doesn’t matter-“

“It’s not a stupid movie. It’s yours. It’s not stupid,” said Jensen, wiping off your face and brushing his thumbs under your wet eyes. “I’m sorry. I thought you did great yesterday.”

“I can’t believe it was my dad who complained. He’s not supposed to hurt me,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut. “Why does everyone hurt me, Jens? What’s wrong with me? I’m so pathetic. We need to stop this before you find whatever it is that’s wrong too.”

“Hey,” he said, resting his forehead against yours. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m falling for you and I’m not leaving. There’s nothing wrong with you. I don’t know why your dad did that but I don’t think he wanted to hurt you.”

“Too fucking late,” you said. “I was so mad and...I just said something horrible to him.”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Jensen. “You’ll get past it, both of you will.”

“I can’t,” you said. “If it was anyone else...I was so proud of this stupid thing.”

“Honey,” said Jensen quietly. You shook and he sat up on the couch, pulling you to sit on his lap. “You’ll be okay. It’ll come back.”

“I’m sorry. Now you don’t have a job or a paycheck-”

“Y/N, stop freaking out. Don’t worry about the rest of us,” he said. You sighed into his chest and he ran a hand up and down your back for a few minutes until you’d calmed down.

“Thank you,” you mumbled eventually, Jensen kissing the top of your head. “Sorry I’m such a shitty girlfriend. This is supposed to be the fun part of the relationship.”

“I think the whole thing is supposed to be the fun part,” he said. You lifted your head up, a smile on his face making you feel a little better. “Despite what you may think, I’ve been having fun this whole time. Relationships and lives aren’t perfect. I don’t want a perfect one. That’s boring. I’ll take this and you, however that looks.”

“Okay, fanboy,” you said, taking a deep breath.

“There she is,” he said, smushing his cheek against yours, a bit of peace returning to you.

“You’re not gonna hurt me,” you said, resting your head against his shoulder.

“No. Whatever happened in the past, you didn’t deserve that,” he said.

“I cheated on Logan,” you said. 

“He sounds like he definitely deserved it,” said Jensen.

“It was a hookup, guy I met at a bar. Nice guy but it’s all it was. I came home that night, back to my apartment with Logan and if I thought I’d seen him angry before, that was nothing,” you said. “I just wanted to be with a nice guy, someone kind, just for a minute.”

“You should be with a nice guy for a lot longer than a minute,” said Jensen. “I think you were justified to do what you did. Don’t feel bad over that.”

“I don’t. I regret it because that’s when it went from controlling to worse,” you said. “After a week of getting pushed around, I left but by then I was so beaten down and he’d fucked up my head and then my book got picked to become a movie. I was so happy, for the first time in over two years, I was happy,” you said. “I hung onto it too hard and that’s why it hurts so much to lose it.”

“You didn’t hang on too hard. I’m glad you found that thing to pull you out. It’s not the only thing you have to cling to though, Y/N. Not anymore,” he said. “You know that, right?”

“I’m not putting that on you.”

“Too late. It’s my job,” he said. You didn’t say anything and felt his chest rumble. “You have your family too.”

“No I don’t. I can never tell my siblings about Logan,” you said.

“What about your mom?”

“She loves dad, not me,” you said.

“That’s not true and you know it,” he said. “She’s your mom.”

“She wanted him, not me. She’ll pick him,” you mumbled.

“Is that what Logan told you?” he asked. You kept your mouth shut and Jensen sighed. “Don’t give that fuckface anymore control, Y/N. You’re not alone. You never were.”

“I can’t talk to them,” you said. “What if she got mad about him being late last night?”

“Y/N, stop spinning your wheels. I’ve met your parents and your dad is my friend. They love you. I’m sure he thought he was doing something to help,” he said.

“Yes, clearly it helped,” you said. 

“Why don’t I take you home?” he asked.

“Alright,” you said with a nod. “It’s not like I have to go back to work now.”

It was nighttime when you finally got an email from the production office. You tapped it open, frowning and quickly sitting up from the couch.

“What the fuck…” you said. You read the email about fifteen times before you were calling Mark and AJ. “Guys, did you read the email?”

“Yeah. I thought we were dead in the water. Apparently we’re just on a filming break until Monday while we figure out a plan for directing duties while you film scenes? Did you have some other kind of meeting we don’t know about?” asked Mark.

“No. This project was on hiatus last I knew,” you said.

“Unless someone higher up changed their mind, I don’t know how we caught this break,” said AJ. You stood up and went to your closet, grabbing a jacket. “Y/N?”

“I think I have an idea of what happened. Or who. I’ll see you guys at the office eight tomorrow morning? We can map everything out,” you said.

“Yeah, sounds good boss,” said AJ. “You okay? You ran out of there pretty quick today. We tried looking for you but you were gone.”

“I’m not sure yet,” you said. “I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

You hung up and called Jensen, his phone going to voicemail. You tried again and got the same thing. When you were about to redial a text came in from your dad.

Come over. Jensen’s here. We need to talk.

You stared at the phone and squeezed your eyes shut before you grabbed your keys and were gone.

_______

A/N: Read Part 13 here!

[nickelkeep]

Chandeliers of Hope

Pairing: Dean/Cas w/background Saileen, Bradbaum, and Megriel Rating: Mature Word Count: 6900 Warnings: Recreational Marijuana and Alcohol Usage. Lots of Nerd Terms. Written For: @notfunnydean​′s 2019 SPN Advent Calendar On Ao3

Dean trekked into the house, cold and covered in snow. He had finished shoveling just enough of their driveway. It would fit two more cars and a motorcycle (although it may be a little snug) and salted the pathway up to the front door.

"Shut the damn door and take your coat and boots off!" Charlie shouted from the living room. "Don't need you dragging snow through the house!"

Dean rolled his eyes and obliged, not that he hadn't already planned on doing it. He walked into the living room and stood back in surprise. Cas and Charlie had puked Christmas all over their shared home. "Seriously, guys?" Dean pulled at a piece of garland draped from the ceiling. "It's Christmas, not a decorating contest."

Cas walked in with some cheap electric candlesticks. "I already tried to talk to her, Dean. Can't dissuade her."

"You're helping her." Dean pointed at Cas' arms.

"I promise we need all this decoration." Charlie climbed down the ladder she was on. "It goes along with tonight's game."

"You seriously Christmas themed our D&D game?" Dean rolled his eyes in disbelief.

Charlie walked over and patted Dean on the cheek before taking some of the candlesticks out of Cas' arms. "Of course, I did. You said to write what I wanted, I wrote tonight's campaign. It's a one-shot, and it's going to be a lot of fun, I promise."

"Gonna hold you to that, Red." Dean pointed at her accusingly before looking and smiling at Cas. "And I'm going to hold you as an accomplice."

"That's not fair. I'm literally being held at gunpoint to help with this." Cas winked before following Charlie and dumping the rest of the candlesticks on one of their sofas."You keep telling yourself that, Cas." Dean looked between his two best friends. "Any requests for snacks tonight?"

Charlie tapped her finger against her lips. "Think you could make some of that candied bacon? It would go well with the tavern theme I have going on here."

"Cas?" Dean looked at his disheveled best friend, his gaze perhaps lingering too long on Cas' eyes.

"As long as you make the honey cookies you promised, I'm happy." Cas shrugged before being pulled over to the ladder by Charlie.

"Alright then, I'll check to see all of what we have, and get to work." Dean shot them both a quick salute before heading towards the kitchen.

Dean carefully took stock of the various snacks they had procured for the evening. He counted several bags of chips, dips, some of the god awful spinach bites that needed to be heated up in the oven, and peanut M&Ms. Dean reminded himself to thank Cas for picking those up for him.

He opened the fridge and grabbed out eggs and several packs of bacon, before crossing over to the cupboard where they kept their baking goods. Dean pulled out the brown sugar and items needed for his honey cookies and unceremoniously dropped all the packages onto the counter. He figured if Cas and Charlie were decorating the crap out of the living room, the least he could do was make fancy snacks as well.

While Dean was in the middle of prepping the snacks for their gaming-session-slash-Christmas-party, the first of their friends arrived. From Charlie's shouts, it sounded like Sam and Eileen had walked in the door, and they were getting the same grief for shoes and coats that she had given Dean earlier.

Sam entered the kitchen shortly after the shouts and shook his head at his brother. "Look, I'm glad that the three of you live together, but Charlie was able to fuel an 'I told you so' from Eileen, and Eileen just realized the kind of power that has."

"Imagine if you lived here too." Dean shook his head. "I think Charlie might die from too much testosterone first."

"You're just scared because she knows she'd have more people to join in her teasing about you and Cas." Sam shot a smirk at his older brother.

Dean returned Sam's look with a glower. "What about me and Cas, Sam?"

"Oh, nothing but the fact that you both have your heads so far up your asses." Sam reached over and grabbed one of the cookies that Dean had already made. He took a bite and nodded in confirmation. "Honey cookies. Per usual. I wonder who asked for them."

Dean blushed rapidly. "Shut up, Bitch."

"Make me, Jerk."

Charlie chose that exact moment to walk into the kitchen. "No fighting, boys. At least not until you all are in character." She grabbed a glass and made herself a quick glass of water. Charlie chugged her drink quickly and turned to look at Sam. "Can you go grab the table topper? Dot's going to be here any moment, and you two can set that up."

"Sure thing, Charlie." Sam nodded in confirmation. "Was just confirming a few things with Dean before heading over to see how I could help."

"Well, I already claimed Eileen to help with the tree, and Cas is finishing up putting the candles around the room." Charlie patted Sam's chest before pushing him out of the kitchen. Once Sam was believably out of earshot, Charlie continued. "He's right, you know?"

Dean tilted his head. "Whowhatsit now?"

"We all have eyes. You think you're not obviously pining for Cas, but the rest of us are seriously rooting for you two."

"Jesus, Charlie. They're a type of cookie, not a marriage proposal. What's your favorite cookie? I'll make them quick too."

"You keep telling yourself that, Dean. Also, keep believing denial is just a river in Egypt." She stole two cookies before heading out of the kitchen to leave Dean to his thoughts.

Dean ran his hand down his face and watched as Charlie turned on her heel and marched back out to the living room. He kept an ear out for the rest of the guests. After five minutes and another shout from Charlie, he was entirely unsurprised by the sight of Dorothy and Sam down the hallway before coming back the other way with a table topper.

"Everything ok in here, Dean?" Cas walked in after Sam and Dorothy passed by. "I know we dropped two kinds of time-intensive things on you."

"Yeah, I'm good. Last batch of cookies in the oven and I'm prepping the last tray of bacon now."

Dean took a steadying breath as Cas walked next to him and leaned down to take a look at the bacon roses Dean wrapped up. "Really, Dean?"

"Don't really me, Cas. You and Charlie are busting your ass out there to decorate. This is my contribution." Dean blushed, not entirely sure of the reason.

"You didn't have to do that." Cas flashed a smile at Dean. "Charlie will probably be stoked, though."

Oh, yeah. Dean thought to himself. That's why.

Luckily for Dean, the timer to the oven went off. Cas took the prerogative and grabbed an oven mitt and pulled out the cookies. "These look and smell fantastic."

"Behind you," Dean warned as he came in behind Cas closely, oh so closely, and slid the last tray of bacon in the oven. He closed the oven and set the timer for the final batch. "Well, they're what you requested. Had to make sure they were just right for you."

Cas smiled at Dean again, and Dean nearly melted on the spot. "Thank you, Dean. They are one of my favorites of yours."

"One of?" Dean raised his eyebrow.

"I love your pie, but I'm not sharing that with anyone but you." Cas winked at Dean, causing Dean's pulse to quicken. "Gabe and Meg should be here soon. Then we can get the game started."

Dean nodded, afraid of the noise and words that would come out of his mouth.

"I'll save you the seat next to me, ok?" Cas grabbed the plate of cookies and a tray of bacon roses before heading back to the living room.

Dean let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. Okay, so maybe he had it bad for Castiel Freakin' Novak. It didn't mean that his best friend returned his feelings. He could hope that the winks meant something, or that the smiles were just for him, but he refused to risk what they had to push any further.

He started cleaning up the mess while waiting for the bacon to finish when he heard a loud commotion come from down the hall. Dean paused for a moment and listened to the vociferous voice of Gabe, indicating that he and Meg had arrived. Their adventuring party was complete.

Dean took a moment to take a few calming breaths. Once the timer for the bacon went off, he quickly pulled them out of the oven and let them rest on top of the stove. Dean turned off the heat and took off his apron before heading out to join the rest of his friends and family.

"Dean-O!" Meg called out. "Was wondering if I was going to have to storm in there and drag you out. I thought maybe loudmouth here scared you off."

"He's only going to scare me off if he didn't bring you-know-what." Dean snapped his fingers into guns at Gabe, who pointed at an old fashioned doctor's bag over on the couch. "See, not scared. He's got the shit that calms me."

Gabe laughed. "I'm glad you keep me around for something, Dean-O. Don't want to be kept away from my little brother."

"Dean wouldn't do that," Cas responded before Dean could. "And are you going to start that before Charlie even explains what we're doing in the campaign? I'd like at least one of us to remember what we're supposed to do."

"Thank you, Cas. But today's story is just for fun, and unless something completely amazing happens, I wasn't planning on awarding XP." She was met by a series of groans and complaints. "This is supposed to be a party, not work."

"Yeah, and this adventuring party needs XP!" Sam signed while speaking, keeping Eileen in the loop.

Dean looked across the table and signed at Eileen. "Use your pouty face."

Eileen tugged on Sam's arm and pouted. Sam, in turn, turned on the kicked puppy face. They both looked at Charlie, who looked at Dean. "Screw you, Winchester. Now I need a hit."

Gabe got up from the table and grabbed his bag. "Well, start explaining the campaign, Red, and by the time you're done, I'll have all this set up."

"Since when has Charlie ever written a short campaign?" Dorothy asked, taking a sip of her beer.

"Guys, I'm right here." Charlie huffed. "Fine, you want fast? Your group has been summoned by the lord of a local city. He's requested as many of your finest members as possible, and promised that upon completion of his task, you will each get your own individual reward."

"And XP," Meg quipped.

"I hate you all." Charlie shook her head. "And some XP."

Dean smiled as Cas handed him his character folder. He pulled out the sheet for his Bard, Jensen, and looked over his ability list while Charlie continued.

"We're going to assume you're in the city and waiting for an audience with the lord. He's only going to let two of you in, as any more is a potential security risk. Who all is going in?" Charlie paused as a blunt was passed to her, and she slowly inhaled in. "Gabe's not going in."

"Why not?" Gabriel complained. "Charisma is my highest stat."

Charlie shrugged. "Might need another one of these in a second. You brought the good stuff, and I know I'm going to have to pass it down the line."

The table chuckled, and Sam spoke up. "I say me and Dean go in.”

"Alright, any complaints from the rest of the table?" Charlie looked around the group. "Okay, then. Sam, Dean. Jared and Jensen head into the Lord's library and find him sitting at a large oak desk. He looks wholly dismal and distraught, but he lights up when the two of you enter. 'Are you the members of the Free Will Adventuring Group?' Diplomacy checks, both of you, please."

Their d20s hit the table; Sam rolled a four, Dean a sixteen. Dean looked at his sheet. "Nineteen. Is that enough, Charles?"

"Yep. Introduce yourselves and assure the lord of your skill levels." Charlie took another hit of the blunt before passing it to Dorothy.

Dean cleared his throat. "'Yes, my lord. Allow me to introduce my brother and I. I am Jensen of Lebanon. This tall monstrosity is Sir Jared of Lebanon, Paladin of the Order of Tyr. We received your message and have brought along...'" Dean paused. "Wait, are you playing Felicia too or just the NPCs?"

"Felicia's coming along too. Keep going."

Dean double-counted around the table. "'We have brought along six of our strongest members as well as ourselves.'"

"Nice! The Lord nods his approval, but with a frown. 'You could only spare eight bodies?'" Charlie gestured back to Dean.

"'We collected those who were available. We are in quite high demand, your Lordship.' Is it lordship?" Dean looked around the table and continued. "'But I assure you, we are a strong team that works harder than 25 of your best soldiers.'"

"Dammit, Dean, I swear," Sam spoke up. "You know how Charlie rolls."

Dean shrugged at his brother. "You should have rolled higher."

"He's got a point, Sam." Charlie countered. "Okay then, 'Bold words, from the tongue of a bard. But I will take what I can get. What do you know about our humble city?' I need a knowledge check, please."

"Fuck you, Charlie." Dean took the blunt from Cas and popped in between his lips. He tried not to think about how it was just against Cas' lips as he looked over his paper. "I ain't got shit for this, Sam. I can roll it, but I'm not going to get bonuses." He took a deep drag and handed the blunt off to Meg.

"Will insight be enough, Charlie?" Sam asked, hopefully.

Charlie shook her head. "I didn't realize you had empath skills to know about a place."

"Screw you. Intelligence is my drop stat." Sam grumbled. He looked at Dean and shrugged. "Roll?"

Dean picked up his d20 and held it in front of Cas. "Give it a blow?" Cas rolled his eyes but blew on Dean's hand, causing a shiver to run up Dean's spine. He dropped his die at the same time as Sam.

He rolled an eighteen. Sam, a fourteen. "Either one of those work?" Sam asked.

"It was a 10 to pass. You're both fine." Charlie looked at her notes. "You two know that the city, Sprús Bán, is well known for their winter activities and celebrations. While the major holidays are celebrated across the country, most decorations, trees, foods, etc. come from here."

"It's the fucking North Pole?" Gabe asked.

"White Spruce, ok?" Charlie rolled her eyes. "Where was I? Oh, yeah. The lord is impressed with your knowledge, even if you don't know the tiniest details. 'The reason I have called you to our city today is that we have lost our holiday spirit."

"Are you shitting me?" Dean's eyes widened.

Charlie smiled deviously. "Is that in character?"

"No." Dean slouched back in his chair and was rewarded with Cas' hand on his shoulder in comfort.

"'My lord,'" Sam jumped in. "'If I may ask, what do you mean your Holiday Spirit has been lost?' I can't believe I just had to ask that."

"'We have seven items, gifted from the gods, that make sure that we can provide cheer for their name days, for all holidays.'" Charlie tried to keep a straight face as she read off of her notes. "'Your group is needed to retrieve them.'"

Dean ripped a piece of paper off of his notepad. He wrote a note and passed it to Sam. Sam laughed out loud and quickly folded the paper, putting it into his character's folder. He cleared his throat. "'My lord, would you know the Grinch who stole your holiday?'"

"That's it. I need a beer." Charlie stood up from the table as everyone burst into laughter and walked over to their sliding glass doors, reaching into the snow and grabbing one for herself. "Anyone else? No? Go fuck yourselves."

"Charlie, you're literally having us go after an asshole who stole Christmas." Dean took a new blunt from Meg and took a drag, relaxing deeper into his seat. "I couldn't resist, and clearly, Sam couldn't either."

"I feel like the Lord should be offended, but you're completely right." Charlie sighed and sat back in her seat. "'We have a good idea, but we're not one hundred percent certain. There is a Warlock who was banished from the city. One of the higher magistrates did it, so I do not know the entire reason why. But they swore that they would bring darkness upon our city.'" Charlie giggled. "'They are who I would check out."

"'Sounds like motive to me, brother.'" Sam looked at Dean, who was trying to not giggle. "'Go and tell the others to get ready.'" Sam rolled again, a nineteen. "Twenty-two, Charlie, for persuasion. 'Your lord, if may get the information on where this Warlock is located, we'll be on our way immediately.'"

"While Sam's getting info on the Grinch, I'm gonna head back out and make the info common-knowledge to the rest of the group," Dean added.

"Sounds good." Charlie handed a map to Sam. "'Sir Jared, if you follow that map, it's the Warlock's last know location. Please, bring back our holiday spirit.'"

"Jared's going to bring his fist to his chest and bow, and exit behind Jensen," Sam stated. "And I better find the rest of the group trying to hold it in like we had to in there."

Cas shook his head. "Misha's not going to get that reference."

"Jensen will always be more than happy to explain it to the monk." Meg quipped. "Rachel and Speight will most likely be the ones doubling over in laughter."

"I won't get it." Eileen commiserated with Cas. "Living in the woods with your kin doesn't give you much time to learn about other cultures."

Charlie shushed the group. "Back on track, please. Sam has to share with you guys anyway."

"I share with them what I know." Sam looked at Eileen. "And I make sure Shoshannah gets the joke."

Eileen smiled and signed thank you.

"Rude. Your party is supposed to talk." Charlie shuffled her notes. "What's the plan then?"

Sam looked around the table. "According to the map, it's a day's travel. We should all have the staples to make that trip and back. What time of day is it, Charlie?"

"Before Noon."

"Anyone against heading out now?" Sam asked.

No one argued, so Gabe spoke up. "Let's get this party started!"

"Y'all heard the sorcerer, let's go!" Meg shimmied in her seat and took a puff of the blunt before passing it to Dean again. "Finish that one, or pass it to Cas, it's only got like two hits left."

Dean rolled his eyes and took a puff and handed it to Cas. Cas smiled at him, his eyes sparkling, and Dean melted in his seat.

"Okay, then we're going to fast forward, you're about halfway there." Charlie looked around the table. "What's the next sentence, bitches?"

A chorus broke out around the table. "Roll for perception."

Dean, eighteen. Cas, natural twenty. Meg, seventeen. Gabe, fourteen. Sam, eight. Eileen, nineteen. Dorothy, thirteen.

"Sorry, Sam, you don't notice shit. Dot, Gabe, something's raising your hackles. Meg, Dean, and Eileen, you know that there's someone following you." Charlie looked at Cas. "Do you want a surprise attack round, or are you going to tell your party members first?"

Cas' lips curled up into a devious grin. "Surprise attack round."

"You got it." Charlie handed him a piece of paper. "Roll for attack."

The d20 hit the table. Sixteen. "With modifiers, that's a twenty..." Cas looked at his notes. "Surprise adds one, right?" Charlie nodded, and Cas counted on his fingers. "Twenty-seven."

"Not even going to roll to save. Guys, how are you standing? Cas, which one are you hitting with your damage? Then roll and double it."

The group placed themselves in traveling positions, and Cas circled the one he was attacking, returning the paper to Charlie.

Cas rolled three d6s: Six, Four, Three. "Thirteen, plus my modifier, is twenty. Double it, forty."

"Goddammit." Charlie loudly scratched out something on her paper. "Fucking coup de grace. You almost had it completely."

"That's my Cas," Dean stated before stammering and backtracking. "Our Cas. Our awesome, loyal, monk. Misha. Yeah." He looked briefly at Sam, who shot him a bitchface.

"Yeah, okay, Dean." Charlie grabbed a d20. "Roll for initiative. All enemies are going on... six. Well then, so help me if any of you pull what Cas just did, you all are fired."

Eight d20s hit the table. Dean, nine. Cas, ten. Meg, two. Gabe, nineteen. Sam, fifteen. Eileen, sixteen. Dorothy, fourteen. Charlie, eighteen.

"Y'all suck." Gabe rolled his eyes. "The squishies rolled the highest."

"I rolled a two, babe." Meg pouted. "But, as a free action, upon seeing Cas' attack, I go stealth.”

"Where the fuck you gonna hide, Meg?" Charlie shook her head. "Roll for it."

"Seven?"

"Yeah. Thank you. Next?" Charlie looked around the table, settling her eyes on Eileen, signing to her. "You going to shift as a free action?"

Eileen shook her head no.

"Okay, then. You're up first, Gabe. The enemies are skeletons. Cas took out a ranged one that was here." She laid the marker for a dead enemy down, then laid out the still-living ones. "You have eight more to knock down, three ranged, four melee, one spellcaster."

"You couldn't go for the spell caster, Cas?" Gabe glared at his younger brother.

"Nope." Cas rested his head on Dean's shoulder, causing Dean to tense up slightly before relaxing. Cas looked up at Dean and smiled.

Dean lost himself in Cas' smile and imagined kissing the lips of his best friend, imagined that they could cuddle on the couch like that, a million thoughts of what more he could have with Cas ran through his head.

"Earth to Cas," Charlie called out, snapping Dean, and apparently Cas, out of some sort of reverie. "It's your turn hot stuff. Stop staring at Dean, as pretty as his eyes are."

Cas shot up and cleared his throat. "Sorry. Where are we at?"

She pointed to the map. "There's only one left. Gabe used one of his prepared spells and killed all but two who weren't in the AOE zone. Eileen and Sam cleaned up two. I buffed you all."

"Right, um." Cas spared a look at Dean then looked back at the table, grabbing his figurine. He counted the squares he could move. "I'm going to move here and use my Quivering Palm ability and attack twice." Cas grabbed his d20 and rolled. Nineteen. He rolled again. Fourteen. "Alright, if I add my modifier–"

Charlie shook her head and interrupted. "Nope, it's dead. Kaput. You killed it. Assholes."

"Was that supposed to take longer, Charlie?" Meg asked. "Cause I feel highly unsatisfied."

"Blame your boyfriend, ok? Jesus. I should have upped their HP. But no, I figured this was for fun." Charlie started to mutter under her breath.

"Can I loot them, since they're all dead?" Meg waggled her eyebrows.

Charlie squinted. "They're skeletons."

"Never know when you could use a finger bone."

"Fine, you grab a hand off of one the skeletons."

Dean heard Cas chuckle at the interaction as he laid his head back on Dean's shoulder. Cas spoke quietly so only Dean could hear, "Is this okay? I'm sorry I didn't ask before."

"Yeah, Cas, it's fine." Dean smiled, unsure if Cas could see it.

"Alright then," Charlie cut off any more commentary from Meg. "Do you guys want to rest, or keep on trekking?"

"I still have several spells prepared, so I'm good to go," Gabe commented. "Did either one of you blow a large spell?" He signed and spoke to make sure both Sam and Eileen understood.

"Nope, encounter attack. It'll reset between fights." Sam commented, and Eileen nodded in agreement.

"Let's keep on moving then, Charles. Speight's on a roll and wants to kill baddies." Gabe spun his fingers around, indicating to keep moving.

Charlie shook her head slightly and whispered to Dorothy, who got up from the table and headed towards the sliding door. "Dot's grabbing me a beer. If you ask nicely, she might bring you one back too if you need a fresh one." Charlie ran her fingers through her hair. "Alright, so you guys arrive at the dilapidated fortress where the Warlock was last seen. Roll for perception or investigation."

Eileen, Cas, and Meg rolled eleven, a natural one, and five, respectively. Sam, Dean, Gabe, and Dorothy rolled eleven, three, nine, and a natural one, apiece.

"Are you all serious?" Charlie shook her head and looked at Dorothy. "I'm sorry, babe."

"Shit rolls happen. Rather get them out now than during a boss fight." Dorothy shrugged and took a pull of her beer.

"Nope, you and Cas are going to hate me. Both of you can roll acrobatics to save against fall damage."

Cas groaned and sat back up straight, grabbing his d20. Eight. Dorothy rolled a nineteen.

"Like I said, Red, I roll best when it matters." Dorothy sat back in her chair. "Sorry, Cas."

"Can I roll to have Jensen grab Misha?" Dean asked. "I have acrobatics too." Dean's question caused Cas to look back and smile at Dean.

"Hmm. You are close enough to Cas on the map. Roll for perception again. Beat a ten."

Dean rolled a twelve.

"Nice, you notice the ground giving out under him. Beat a fifteen, and you save him."

Dean rolled a seventeen. "Suck it, Charlie."

"Yeah, I hope you didn't blow your load saving your boyfriend." Charlie crossed her arms over her chest. "Okay, no one falls into the pit. No side quest. Fuckers."

"Why do I get the feeling that we're doing so good, we're not going to get XP anyway?" Sam asked, a smirk on his face.

Charlie shook her head rapidly. "You guys are testing me. Since those who rolled below a ten saw Misha and Tilo start to fall, they're spared any issues. Eileen and Sam, you two see an entrance to the side."

"To the entrance, then?" Cas asked, slouching back in his chair.

Dean took the opportunity to rest his head on Cas' shoulder. Fair was fair, right? Then Cas rested his head against Dean's. Dean wasn't sure how he was still a solid form, with how many times Cas caused him to melt.

"Since when do we take orders from the monk?" Gabe shot a knowing look at his younger sibling.

"Since the Paladin isn't speaking up." Cas looked at Sam, whose face of giddiness turned to an instant bitch face.

"Sorry, I was a little distracted." Sam huffed. "Let's go in and get the seven items back for the city."

Dean settled contently against Cas, silently wondering if the pot and alcohol were to thank for this little bit of a Christmas Wish come true. He set the expectation that his bard to follow the group as they entered the fortress. They traveled through the hallways, investigating rooms and alcoves, searching for the Warlock.

The group finally came in front of a large, ornate, brass door. "Roll for perception, guys."

"Wanna bet the bad guy is in there?" Gabe looked around the table.

"Considering how ornate Charlie stated the door is, everyone would bet that they are," Cas spoke up, his gravelly voice sending an involuntary shiver through Dean's body. "You okay there, Dean?"

Dean looked up. "Never better, Cas." He sat up and grabbed his d20, already missing the warmth that radiated off of Cas. He rolled the die. Five. No one in the group rolled higher than a seven.

"Huh. Okay then. Eileen, you rolled the seven. You know that there is pure evil behind the door. But you don't know what it is." Charlie sighed. "I really hope I didn't just kill you all."

"Well, then since we know that the bad guy is behind the door, I pull it open." Sam let out a heavy sigh.

"Do you all walk in?" Charlie asked. When they all nodded or spoke in confirmation, she shut her eyes tightly. "Roll to save against sleeping."

"Fucker, you did that cause dwarves aren't immune!" Meg glared at Charlie.

Charlie cringed. "I was kinda hoping someone would beat a ten on that roll. There's a pretty good shot that one of you would have."

Dean, nineteen. Cas, seventeen. Meg, two. Gabe, nine. Sam, three. Eileen, eleven. Dorothy, five. Charlie, three.

"Well, shit. Uh. Dean, Cas, you two do not fall asleep upon entering. Everyone else, you'll get a chance to save after the Warlock starts."

"What happened to those rolls when they matter, Dot?" Cas turned to look at her, mouth curled up in a smug grin.

"Shut up, Cas." Dorothy smiled, trying to hold back her laughter.

"Okay, so since you two are awake." Charlie steered the conversation back on track. "Are you two going to walk in further?"

Dean and Cas nodded, and Charlie continued. "At the back of the hall, you see a throne on a dais. In the throne sits an elegantly dressed woman. She is sitting with her legs over one arm and her back against the other. In her hands, she holds a long wooden staff with a bright purple crystal floating at one end, presumably the top." Charlie watched for a reaction, not receiving one, and continued. "She looks at the two of you lazily, as though you are nothing, despite the fact you two did not succumb to her sleeping spell. She speaks. 'Well, hello, darlings. 'Tis not often that we receive guests in this part of the forest.' Roll for your choice of interaction, boys."

Cas looked at Dean and shrugged. "I've got nothing, Dean. I'm still a negative modifier in Charisma. You can roll, and I'll roll for support if you need it."

"Guess I'll roll for performance?" He looked at Charlie, "Here goes nothing. 'My lady, I come from the city a day south of here. They speak of a great evil that has stolen their sacred trinkets. I believe they may be mistaken, as I sense no evil here.'"

Dean rolled his d20. Eighteen. "Suck it again, Charlie."

"Not so fast, Dean. The Warlock stands up from her throne and walks to the edge of the dais. 'Do you honestly believe you flatter me? Do you think I did not know why you have come? You are right in that you sense no evil, but I am enraged.'"

"Can we roll to save yet? Dean's gonna get us killed." Gabe interrupted.

"Nope, not yet," Charlie responded, before returning back to character. "'Have you been sent to kill me as well?'”

"'No one said anything about killing, Jensen.'" Cas spoke up in character for the first time the entire game. "'I would not have come if we were told to kill an innocent.'"

"Cas, roll for deception." Charlie rolled her eyes. Cas complied, rolling an eighteen. "What's your modifier?"

"Negative one."

"Seventeen wins. Fuck. She believes you." Charlie scribbled down a note while Dean and Cas high-fived. Charlie slipped back into character. "'So if you are not here to kill me, what are you here to do?'"

Dean looked around the table. All eyes were on him. "'To retrieve the missing items, my lady. I do not believe you have stolen them. They are seven trinkets of great importance and great power.'" Dean rolled. Nine.

"What's your modifier, Dean?"

He traced his finger over his paper. "Plus four, plus three, and plus two from a trinket. Nine, so eighteen total."

Charlie glared at him. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Nope." He offered his character sheet, which she took. Charlie looked at the pages and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Dammit, you two. 'I do have the trinkets, although I did not steal them. They were delivered to me as a gift.'"

"'My lady, perhaps if we could retrieve the trinkets, and return them to the city, along with our awakened friends, we could speak good of you, how you protected them and willingly returned them.'"

"Deception test, and so help me, Dean, if you roll well." Charlie braced herself.

Dean offered the d20 to Cas, who blew on it again. Dean rolled it in his palm before letting it roll off of his hand and onto the table. Time seemed to still as it teetered and tottered around before landing with a natural twenty face up.

The whole table cheered, jumping up in excitement as Charlie slouched back into her chair. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and hugged him tightly. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and returned the hug.

The pair pulled back slightly, and Dean's eyes flickered from Cas' eyes to his mouth and back again before they were interrupted by a cough from Charlie. "If you two are done..."

Cas and Dean quickly separated, before sitting back down in their respective seats. A flush ran up the back of Dean's neck, and his ears were pounding from a combination of excitement and the fact that Cas had held him in a tight hug.

"Alright, then. Where were we?" Charlie cleared her throat and glared at Dean. "'You mean that, don't you?' The Warlock slams her staff against the floor, and you can feel rejuvenating magic run through the room. You can hear your friends behind you start to stir."

"I'm going to move back to check on them," Cas stated. "To make sure they're okay and to keep them from attacking the Warlock."

"Whatever. You asshats won. Killed my hopes and ambitions. The Warlock conjures a box out of air. 'You will find all seven trinkets inside and intact. I am not lying when I say that it was delivered here. The skeletons you killed on the way? Those were the men who made the delivery.' The Warlock turns away from you, Dean, and steps back up to her throne. ''Twas not my wish to harm them either. Men are either common or have common sense, never both. I'm glad you thought with your upper brain.'"

"'No offense, my lady, for your beauty is quite apparent. But it's not you who holds my eye.'" Dean responded in character.

Charlie smiled knowingly but replied in character. "The Warlock looks past you and rests her eyes on Misha. 'So I have gathered. You may go, but do not feel obligated to speak of my innocence. I doubt it will lift my exile.'"

"Really, Red?" Dean shook his head. "'Doesn't mean we won't try. Fare thee well, my Lady.' Jensen bows towards the warlock and heads back to the rest of the party."

"Alright, guys, any of you want to try and kill the Warlock?" Charlie asked the group. "Y'all were asleep. You lawful good guys?" She eyed up Sam and Eileen.

"I think we're good, Charlie. Just admit that Dean-O got you good." Gabe sat back in his chair.

Charlie pouted. "Fine. You guys start to head back, do you want to check the skeletons you destroyed?"

"Actually, yes, if the rest of the party doesn't mind." Dean around the table and everyone agreed to do it. "What do you want us to roll?"

"Wait, you let me loot them earlier." Meg cut in.

"Yeah, you were looking for loot, now you're examining them. This is totally not me retconning." Charlie's comment got a laugh from everyone at the table. "If you want to examine, roll for insight or investigation." Charlie got up from the table and headed back towards the bedrooms. "I'll be right back."

Those who rolled for insight, Eileen, Cas, Sam, and Dorothy rolled nine, a natural 1, eleven, and fourteen, respectively. Gabe and Dean, who rolled for investigation, rolled a twelve and a fifteen.

Charlie re-entered with a gift bag and looked at their rolls. "Damn Cas, you need some new dice. You trip over one of the bones and fall down. Sam, Dot, Gabe, and Dean, you each realize that the symbol on the skeletons' tabards is that of the magistrate judges. One of you can grab one and bring it back with you."

"My character helps Misha back to his feet," Dean spoke up. "Cause he's being nice. I swear."

"Yeah, okay, Dean." Charlie starts pulling out wrapped presents out of the bag. "You all return to the Lord of Sprús Bán and hand over the trinkets and the tabard of one of the skeletons. Dean, do you recount what the Warlock told you?"

"Yep." He grabbed his d20, knowing what was coming next. "Persuasion?" He rolled the die, landing another natural 20. "Well, shit."

"Well, shit, indeed." Charlie agreed. "The Lord is flabbergasted, and immediately calls for the magistrate who exiled the Warlock to be called before him. He promises to give her a full pardon, and allow her to come back to town if she wishes.

"As your reward," Charlie continued, "The Lord claps, and has one of his servants bring forth a package for each of you." Charlie looked at each gift and started handing them around the table. "Merry Christmas, bitches!"

Dean slowly opened his present. In the small gift bag, he found a note in Charlie's meticulous handwriting. Now use it, dumbass. He set the letter down and pulled the last piece of tissue paper out. He looked in the bag and blushed, before staring at Charlie in shock.

Charlie winked at him before looking back at the rest of the group. "I hope you all like your presents. And you all get one XP point. Except for Dean and Cas. They get two."

The group got up and pulled Charlie into a group hug, before grabbing food to munch on and lounging around on the sofas, turning on the TV and putting on Christmas movies.

Dean smiled as his little makeshift family got comfortable. Once they were settled, he headed back to his room and sat on his bed with Charlie's gift in his lap. He opened the bag and looked back in, completely confused by what she wanted him to use it for.

"Dean?" Cas knocked on the door frame and called to him, questioningly. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah, I'm good." He set the gift bag on his nightstand. "What's up?"

"You're back here and not out there with us. Is something the matter?" Cas entered Dean's room, and suddenly the room felt too small, too warm, too everything.

Dean shook his head. "Nah. Just wanted a second." Dean paused before looking at Cas. "Can I ask what Charlie got you?"

"Sure." Cas reached into his pocket and pulled out a jar of honey. "It's that really fancy stuff from the farmer's market." Cas tilted his head. "Why, what did she get you?"

"Um..."

"Did Charlie prank gift you? Want me to go yell at her?" Cas smiled and walked to the foot of Dean's bed. Dean's heart pounded faster, and he watched in admiration as his best friend, the man he had been pining after for years, came closer to him.

Realization hit Dean and knocked the air out of him. He stood up and grabbed the bag, walked over to Cas, and stuck his hand inside. Dean swallowed hard as he slowly pulled his hand out, exposing a sprig of Mistletoe that he held up over their heads.

Cas' looked up, and his mouth settled into a soft smile. "Huh, look at that. Mistletoe." Cas stepped in closer, tossing his honey jar onto Dean's bed. He rested his hands on Dean's hips. "Look at me, Dean." He waited until Dean locked eyes with him. Cas leaned forward, his lips finding Dean's and softly pressing them together in a chaste kiss.

Dean whimpered at softness and briefness of the kiss, and chased after Cas, tossing the mistletoe to the side and wrapping his arms around Cas' neck. Dean crashed their lips together, pouring forth the feelings and hopes he had for what he and Cas could be, hoping that Cas could feel every ounce of love he gave.

They parted for air, softly resting their foreheads together, holding each other in their tender embrace. "I can't go back, Cas. Not after that, not knowing what this feels like. What today felt like." Dean stole another brief kiss. "I love you, Cas. I have for a long time, I just didn't want to mess us up. Didn't want to give you a reason to run and lose you."

"You won't ever lose me, Dean." Cas let go with one of his hands and reached up to cup Dean's cheek. "You mean too much to me." He leaned in and kissed Dean again, returning the love, the passion, the hope that Dean felt. Cas pulled back, smiling. "Shall we go let Charlie know that her gift was perfect?"