#show us your big golden boobies!!

[kesharik]

he`s not doing that

[smutoperator]

A Horny Hostage

Lalisa Manoban (Lisa) x Male Reader

Kinkvember Chapter 1

Main kinks: kidnapping, golden shower, interracial (BWC), car sex

Word count: 3239.

New York City, United States, October 15th, 2024

What a day it has been for Lisa. Never in her wildest dreams when she started her idol career, she thought she would become a Victoria's Secret angel. She was as happy as ever.

"Come here, let's take some pictures," a photographer oriented her, bringing Lisa close to a van with its right side door open, where you took some pics of her, with her liking the best the one where she flaunts her cute ass.

"Good, let's take some more pics," you say to her after she looks at the ones captured in your camera and approves them. However, all that was just a trap to lure the (not so) innocent Thai girl into your plan.

A pair of masked dudes emerges from the side and shoves Lisa inside the van; you follow them, getting yourself on the backseat of the van while your two partners drive it away from the show. The newly crowned Victoria's Secret Angel is now just a hostage.

Lisa panics a bit; she screams for help at first, but no help is about to come. "So, let's blackmail her billionaire boyfriend into dropping some good money for the new woman we got with us," you say to your partners in crime. Despite the crowded traffic of New York City, your van quickly passes through Brooklyn, then Queens, and soon reaches the wilderness of Long Island.

Lisa is tied up, but you slowly calm her down. "We are going to free you in exchange for some favors," you tell her. "What kind of favors?" she asks. "You'll find out soon," it's all you can say for now.

You untie Lisa and start touching her body parts. Her long legs, her dark hair, and then hovers your hands around her pussy. "Careful, boy, you're looking for something that you can't handle," Lisa says to you. But you quickly shut her down. "I'm pretty sure I can handle you fairly easily; if your ugly ass boyfriend can do that and all he's got is money, I can do it too," you tell her.

"So you think you can handle this?" Lisa says, flaunting her ass for you. That arrogant brat is starting to get on your nerves. You then play with the dark wings from her outfit, which were stored inside the fan as well. "Fallen angel, I want to see you turning into a wild devil," you tell her. "If you say so, then I'll show you something," Lisa says.

"Then show me what kind of badass you are," you tell her, reaching with your hands to touch her pussy. "You have a nice pussy out there, you tell her, taking off the bottom parties of her outfit and leaving just her panties on. "Those bare legs are so sexy," you say, running your hands over them. "Take it off; I want to see you with just a bra and panties, the way I bet your boyfriend does every day," you tell Lisa, who obliges and takes the piece of fabric covering her bra.

"You really like to flaunt how much of a hottie you are since leaving idol life," you say to Lisa. "Well, if you let me, I'll do it even more," Lisa says, reaching towards your crotch and noticing your cock is already throbbing for her and ready to burst off those pants. But you slow her down, grabbing her neck and kissing her. "You're a bad bitch, aren't you?" you ask her.

"You're hot as fuck; now come suck my cock," you tell Lisa, unzipping your pants and showing off that big white cock to her. "Bet it's much bigger than your boyfriend's," you tell her. Lisa strokes it, then bends over to get a taste of your cock, allowing you to see her great ass from above as her sexy mouth gets it wet.

"Hmmmm, it tastes so good," Lisa says. "Fuck yeah, it does," you reply, letting her take the initiative and blow that pipe off while you caress her ass. You push your balls closer to her mouth, challenging her as she deepthroats you. But you quickly put a halt to her fun, pulling her top down and sucking her little tits.

"Hmmm, you like my cute little boobies," Lalisa says to you. "Yes, they are cute, but your mouth full of my cock is hotter," you say, dunking her head against your massive shaft and making her take it. "Fuck, that booty is so hot; I didn't know Asian girls could be so thicc at the bottom," you compliment her ass. "Well, it's definitely good; I bet you want to put that big fat cock in it later," she says.

"Give those fucking balls some love too," you tell Lisa, letting her lick it. But what she likes the most about sucking cock is the ability to deepthroat it, so Lisa just gets back up and takes your whole shaft in her mouth shortly after.

"Ohhhh shit, you suck my cock so good," you say to Lisa. "It's because it's so big and perfect for my little mouth," she answers as you just let her take it and give her butt a little spanking. "Now I want you to lick it like ice cream," you say to Lisa.

Lisa obliges and licks that shaft like the good whore she is. "Perfect, keep licking it and look at me when you do it," you tell her as she giggles. "Come on, show me you're a bad bitch; it's just you and me in the back seat of this car," you continue.

You pull Lisa's panties down, giving her sexy ass a few spankings. "Get them all the way down; I'll keep them as a souvernir," you say to her. "Now get on the floor and spread those legs," you give her another command.

You reach your hands and start toying with Lisa's fuckholes. Her pussy gets some fingering while your thumb goes straight into her butthole. You enjoy watching her moans just get muffled by your massive cock stretching her mouth.

"Perfect cocksucker, let me reward you for that," you say to her. "OUCH FUCK YES," Lisa screams as you start repeatedly hitting her ass hard. "Good girl," you say after, patting her head too and pushing it deeper down your shaft.

"You want that dick in your Thai pussy?" you ask Lisa. "Of course I do," she answers. "Then let's go for a ride," you say. "Bro, she is indeed the bad bitch you claimed; I'm jealous," the guy driving the van says, sliding the window down to check it a bit.

"Let's go, baby," Lisa says as she gets your cock wet with a few more suckings. You take her top off and then finally manage to grab her panties as a souvenir like you wanted, pulling it down once again and this time for good. Lisa is now butt naked as she prepares to sit her cunt on your cock.

"OHHHHH FUCKKKK," Lisa gets surprised by the size of your big white manhood in her pussy. Even her boyfriend's can't match. As a big white cock whore, she's truly having the time of her life. You make sure to use your hands to reach and push your shaft as deep as you can in her cunt. "OH MY GODDDD, UHHHHH," she moans as your tip is already reaching her cervix, the 10 inches of your massive pale pole stratching her out and bulging under Lalisa's long torso.

Lisa tries to bounce on your big cock, but her fun is short-lived. As soon as you get fully inside her, you start pumping it upwards. "UHHHH, UHHHHH," she says, getting caught off guard by your thrusts. "OH FUCK ME," she moans as you grab her butt and take full control of her body, your hips clapping fast against her cheeks as you destroy her cunt.

"UHHHHHH, UHHHHH, UHHHHH," Lisa keeps moaning as your cock attacks her pussy relentlessly, her body swinging as the car makes a sharp turn. "OHHHHHH MY GODDDD, JUST LIKE THAT, YEAHHHH," she screams with no fear of getting heard by anyone besides your crew. She clings to any support she can find in the van, as you only increase the pace of your pumps.

You thurst so hard against Lisa's Thai pussy that her pink anus is already winking. "DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP, USE ME," Lisa begs. And indeed, you won't stop, moving Lisa's body to the side and keep pumping her pussy hard, treating her like the fucktoy her boyfriend had too much respect for to use her like that, unlike you, who has none for this whore.

"FUCKKKKKK," Lisa keeps screaming, her voice cracking at all points. She probably used it more already by moaning like a bitch than in any of her performances as a soloist. "Oh, it's so good; oh, it's so fucking good; keeps using that pussy; oh my GODDDDDDD," she moans. "Uh uh, uh uh, uh uh," she moans as even her little tits are managing to bounce, given the intensity of your thrusts against her.

"OH YEAH, OH YEAH, SPANK MY ASS," Lisa says as you add extra hit to her already intense punishment, slapping her butt nonstop without losing any speed as you continue to fuck her pussy like a madman. "Come closer," you tell Lisa, who is so numb already she doesn't even notice the roof of the van, hitting her head against it.

"That's so good, so good, so good," Lisa repeats as you push her skinny body close to yours. Lisa stares at the window, the cary flying fast towards the roads of Long Island while your cock does your work in her cunt. Her spatial awareness is completely gone as her head keeps hitting the roof, and your cock hitting her cervix at all moments doesn't help.

"OHHHHHH GODDDDDDD," Lisa screams as she clings onto you, barely avoiding a hit against the glass as you keep attacking her pussy. A police helicopter flies close to your car, making you wonder if they are coming to rescue her. But you just don't care; her pussy is too good and worth getting arrested for.

You finally come to a stop, giving a little tap on Lisa's ass. "Good girl," you praise her abilities to take your white cock in such a confined space. But that's no surprise, given her flexibility acquired from years of dancing. You give her pussy a few extra pumps. "Oh my God, you fuck me so good, ah, ah, ah ah, ah," Lisa moans as your balls hit all the way up to her winking butthole.

Lisa climbs out of your cock, moving cautiously to avoid hitting the roof. She twists sideways and tells you to put your cock back in her pussy, starting a reverse cowgirl ride where the guys driving the fan will have a privileged and distracting view of her hot body bouncing on your cock.

Well, so she thought. You aren't keen on changing your ways, pumping your cock once again hard against her pussy. "OH MY GOD, PLEASE," Lisa begs, trying not to fall down as your cock pumps deep inside her. She opens her legs and moves them around, trying to get better support, but you just don't stop, grabbing her thigh and continuing to thrust like a madman. "OH MY GOD, IT'S SO GOOD," Lisa moans as your balls hit right at her clit.

You fuck Lisa so fast her head now uncontrollably hits the roof of the car. You lean her body against yours, pumping her pussy at a pearly gates position, her Thai pussy just getting used by your big white cock. "FUCKKKKK, AHHHHHH, YOUR COCK IS SO GOOD," Lisa screams, getting out of breath as you just can't stop leveling her cunt. "OH YES, OH YES, OH YES," Lisa says as your cock hits her cervix constantly, you push her up, and her head hammers the roof once again.

You pull out of Lisa and pick up one of the folded seats of the van, pushing it back up. Lisa sits on it and spreads her long legs. You dive to eat the pussy you just obliterated for long minutes, licking her wet and used-up folds. "Looks like my big cock wrecked it good," you say to her.

"And I want it to wreck it again, uhhhh, ahhhhh," she tells you, interrupting herself with moans as your licking is too good for her to resist. You don't need much to put her on the verge of orgasm, as her pussy is already throbbing after so much pounding, and soon Lisa's long legs start shaking.

"Ahhhh, ahhhhh, ahhhhh, ahhhhh, ohhh yeah, eat my pussy good" she moans as you tongue her folds. You kiss Lisa's pussy and move into thumbing her anus. "Hmmm, it's so tight, I wonder if my cock can fit in it," you say. "I guess you should try it, baby," she replies.

But first, you have to get your cock a bit slicker to slide on Lisa's sexy ass, giving a few pumps to her pussy instead as her wet folds lube up your shaft. You grab Lisa's leg and fuck her sideways, pinning her against the seat of the van. "Oh my God, oh my God, ahhhhh," Lisa moans.

You finally switch to fuck Lisa's ass, but your cock is so massive you struggle to get in at first. Lisa gasps with just your tip inside. "It's too fucking big for my tiny little ass," she moans. "Well, let's see," you reply.

You thrust your cock against Lisa's ass, her now coping with her butthole getting stretched out by fingering herself. "FUCK THAT ASS, YEAH," she moans. "God damn it, why do you have to be so big?" she asks as your cock digs deeper and deeper.

"Keep going; I need you all the way deep in my fucking ass, uh huh, uh huh," Lisa says as your cock slowly disappears inside it. You twist your fingers inside Lisa's pussy while your cock stays buried inside her asshole, making her scream even further. From time to time, you switch to her pussy to get some extra lube from her juices onto your cock.

Lisa's legs are so long the fingers in her right foot are now what's hitting the roof of the car while you keep fucking her ass. She opens her legs further, hitting the glass that separates the backseat of the van from the cabin. "DON'T STOP FUCKING MY ASS, PLEASE," she begs.

And who said you ever planned to stop? You push the pace and the depth of your cock inside her butt, rubbing your hands against Lisa's little tits as well while she moans like a good slut. You started choking her. "I love that baby, getting shocked while you fuck me in the ass; keep going," she says.

"Come here, let's try a different position, get on your knees, slut," you say to Lisa, who follows your orders, getting herself on all fours and clinging to the backseat of the van as you stay fucking her ass this time from behind. "AHHHH, AHHHHH, AHHHHH, AHHHH, OH YEAH, FUCK FUCK FUCK," she moans hard as your cock stretches her tight butthole out while your big hands reach to keep choking her.

"What the FUCK FUCK FUCK," Lisa says as you suddenly change the pace, grabbing her waist and giving her ass fast and hard poundings. "Fuck, I love stretching your tiny little ass, Lisa; your cute, sexy butt looks so good with my cock deep inside it," you say to her.

You stay grabbing Lisa's waist, not letting her get out of your grasp at any second as you fuck her ass. "YEAH FUCK THAT ASS, YEAH, OH MY GOD," she moans. You grab her arms from behind and thrust hard up her butt, using the motion of the van in your favor. "OH MY GOD, YOU'RE SO GOOD IN MY ASS," she says.

"Spread those legs wide," you command to Lisa, enjoying the way your cock just disappears inside her tight butthole. You then slide Lisa's body on the car's floor. "Wow," she says, as you get ready to get on top of her and pound her tasty ass even harder.

"Get that ass all the way up," you tell Lisa, who obliges, gaping her tight butthole as you slide inside it at a prone bone position. Lisa spreads her ass, trying to ease off the pressure of her tight hole, but it's to no avail; you just pound her relentlessly. "FUCK ME, FUCK ME, FUCK ME, OHHHHH, IT'S SO GOOOD," Lisa moans as you stretch her tight asshole hard, hitting her in the face and mounting on top of her like a raging bull, your hips clapping hard against her cheeks.

"OHHH, DON'T STOP BABY," Lisa begs as you impose on her a hard anal destruction; her body shakes with the insensity of your fucking. Your big white cock sends her to the heavens in a way her boyfriend's never could. She moans like a good whore, pleading to God. 

"Are you ready for that cum?" you ask her. "OH YEAH, BABY, I'M MORE THAN READY, OHHHHHHH," Lisa answers as you grab her waist and push your cock deeper and deeper in her ass. "Shit, Lalisa, your butthole is too tight; you're going to make me cum at any second," you say to her, clapping her cheeks hard.

"FUCK YEAH, GIVE IT TO ME, GIVE ME THAT CUM," Lisa begs. "Then come here, get that ass up," you tell her, pulling out of Lisa and jerking your cock off until your seeds coat her sexy butt. You pick your phone up and take a picture of Lisa's cum-covered ass, giving it a little taps aftwards. " "Send it to Fred," you tell her.

Lisa messages her boyfriend as you stay starting at her butt and appreciating your white sperm all over it. You enjoy looking at her body, but one of the guys on the cabin suddenly interrupts you.

"Bro, we need to pee," he tells you.

"Alright, let's find someplace," you say to him.

"We are too far from the city; we'll need to pee at those woods," he replies.

"Wait, I think I have a better plan; stop the van," you answer him.

You slide the van's door open and bring a completely naked Lisa to the outside. It's freezing cold out there, but your cock is still throbbing. "Guys, I think I found the perfect place for us to pee," you tell them.

The three big white cocks start bursting hot piss all over Lisa's sexy body. To their surprise, she fully embraces it, opening her mouth when the pee gets close to it and loving the way you guys turn her into a walking urinal and cover her entire body full of that dirty liquid.

"Wow, that's so hot," Lisa says after you three finish pissing on her.

"Glad you liked," you say to her.

"Bro, looks like Fred paid the rescue money; should we just leave her there and tell him the location?" one dude asks.

You look at an abandoned cabin hidden in the woods and sense Lisa is still horny and wants more.

"I think we can wait until dawn; let's fuck that bitch airtight at the cabin first," you say.

"Done deal."

[2manythoughtz]

Barbie has been deeply misunderstood?

The movie Barbie is still topic of many discussions among viewers and their different points of view. The Golden Globes have proved just why this movie was needed in the first place.

Recently some comments have been made during The Golden Globes that have left people thinking. For those who don’t know, The Golden Globes is an annual ceremony that takes place in the US and awards movies, TV series, actors and so on based on their categories and the votes are made by approximately 300 entertainment journalists from various parts of the world. As with all ceremonies, they must have a host who most of the time is someone famous in the entertainment industry and who is meant to make the night funny and unforgettable, sadly this year was not the case.

Jo Koy, who is a famous stand-up comedian and actor, was the host of this year’s edition and some of his jokes left people speechless. While most VIPs in the audience looked somehow confused and uncomfortable as he tried to get a few laughs from everyone. Of course, hosting is not an easy task, there’s a lot of pressure on the person and I’m sure they need a lot of time to prepare their jokes. That doesn’t excuse what has been said and, while no one in the audience said anything about it, the fans at home were not so silent on the matter.

While many lines were not appreciated, such as Jo Koy’s comment about Taylor Swift that left her fans bitter about it, one in particular really struck a nerve and everyone started talking about it on social media. “Oppenheimer is based on a 721-page Pulitzer Prize-winning book about the Manhattan Project, and Barbie is on a plastic doll with big boobies.” And if that wasn’t bad enough, he then added. “I don’t want you guys to think that I’m a creep. It was kind of weird being attracted to a plastic doll, just something about your eyes, Ryan…it’s not all about you Margot.” And finally. "The key moment in Barbie is when she goes from perfect beauty to bad breath, cellulite, and flat feet. Or what casting directors call character actor!"

As you can imagine, the Barbie cast was not too enthusiastic about these comments as they looked embarrassed rather than amused. People all over social media are criticizing Jo Koy for proving the movie’s point, just because the movie is about a “doll with big boobies” doesn’t mean that it’s something he can comment about so lightly. This misogynistic behavior is exactly why Barbie was made in the first place, to show people that in a world dominated by men, women will always be looked down upon, whether they’re real or just dolls.

But what is the Barbie movie about? Whether you love it or hate it, I think everyone agrees on the fact that the Barbie movie is a way to show people, mostly young women, that it’s hard to fit in today’s society. Women have been fighting for their rights for years, trying to become men’s equals while also feeling the pressure that has been put on them to be perfect no matter what. Barbie is about a doll, yes, but the story revolves around something deeper. The way Barbie slowly realizes that being imperfect is not a bad thing, it’s just a human thing, and the way she manages to understand her feelings as she evolves from feeling perfect to slowly wondering if there’s more to life is just eye-opening.

The movie discusses many topics and, while some of them may be a bit controversial, the main topic is womanhood. What is it to be a woman, what if feels to be a woman and how women are portrayed. So joking about Barbie’s body in a sexual way and the struggles she encounters is not only sickening but also embarrassing.

Greta Gerwig, the movie’s director, remained professional on her end and when asked to comment on Jo Koy’s words, she simply said. “Well, he’s not wrong,” she continued. “She’s the first doll that was mass-produced with breasts, so he was right on. And you know, I think that so much of the project of the movie was unlikely because it is about a plastic doll. Barbie by her very construction has no character, no story, she’s there to be projected upon.”

Even so, the Barbie movie won an award for best Cinematic and Box Office Achievement.

Speaking of awards, there’s something else we must address. Another misconception that shows just how everyone has misunderstood how deep the movie’s message is. In fact, most of the movie’s soundtracks were nominated as Best Song at the Critics Choice Awards and, as everyone expected What Was I Made For by Billie Eilish to be the winner, I’m Just Ken ended up winning that title. Yet again, it’s almost laughable as this song is basically a joke about the Kens feeling misunderstood and ignored by Barbie, while What Was I Made For is a song about womanhood and the hard feelings and fears that women live with. The award went to the only song made by a man that was up against the other 2 songs made by women for the same movie.

Ryan Gosling’s reaction has become viral online as you can see him confused and unamused by this unexpected victory. Yes, I’m Just Ken maybe became more popular because of the memes but to put it above a meaningful song such as What Was I Made For felt unreal. I’m not sure which was worse, Jo Koy’s jokes or this award.

What are you thoughts? Let me know!

[p-redux]

Saw your blog about Sam and boobies and comments about Tobias, your Lord and Master! You gave us tasty info about Tobias in bed, do you have about Sam?

Hi Anon, I don't have any direct source info about how Sam is in bed, unfortunately. But, we can glean some things from what his past romances have hinted at, what they've risked to be with him, as well as what he has said himself.

I present you some of the evidence. TMGD (The Magical Golden Dirk) is verra magical and makes grown women do things they may not ordinarily do.

For example...

1. It makes them get into public catfights over Sam (Amy Shiels and Cody Kennedy aka The Barbie Wars).

2. Makes them ditch their families on Thanksgiving (Cody Kennedy).

3. Makes them leave their perfect English boyfriends (Abbie Salt, she later got back with her perfect English boyfriend, and is now married to him).

4. Makes their previous dates look like little kittens compared to big lion Sam (Mackenzie Mauzy's ex, Billy).

5. Makes them risk the plague (Gia Marie quarantining with Sam in Hawaii at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic).

6. Makes them accept friendship from a disgruntled-would-be-Sam-date, yet still take him up on an offer of a weekend in Germany together, despite said disgruntled-would-be-Sam-date continuously bashing Sam (Georgia Ellenwood and Monica Aksamit). Georgia's like "Monica gurrrl, yeah, I hear ya, that sucks what happened with Sam, but look the other way when I spend the weekend with him in Germany, mkay...cause there's no resisting all that golden delicious Scottishness when it comes a-calling," and many, many other examples.

Women don't risk all this shit for small dick or a bad lover. They just don't. Simple as that.

Here's his ex-girlfriend, actress, Cody Kennedy, making it verra clear, back in the day, that one Scottish man in particular was rocking her world. This is right before she didn't spend Thanksgiving with her family for the first time ever. And instead of American turkey, she chose to have something Scottish for Thanksgiving...in Tulum, Mexico. 👇

Sam dated Abbie Salt twice. The first time was when he initially met her in 2011 or thereabouts, while Sam was filming the movie "A Princess For Christmas" with Abbie's sister, actress, Charlotte Salt. Abbie used to have a Twitter account and they would Tweet back and forth to each other. Here's an example of Sam being cheeky and letting us know he does enjoy #cocktails in bed. 👇 As we know, the second time they dated was for most of 2015.

Here's an old Tweet where Sam lets his ex FWB (friends with benefits), Amy Shiels know he has arrived, is ready, and waiting. 👇 Any other man saying this would be creepy, Sam saying it, is SO hot. My nipples literally get hard whenever I read this Tweet.

Here's a previous post of mine showing some old Tweets between Sam an his ex-girlfriend, Katie Rebekah Osborne. Charm galore. 👇

Sam himself let us in on some things he may be into in bed. Below, is the infamous honeypot video. Sam talks abut deciding between using his tongue, licking a honeypot or using his fingers. I HATE his hair here, so I just close my eyes, and listen to him talk about licking and fingering honeypots, and then I start praising the Lord for a man who is into oral. The opposite is a deal breaker for sure. Thank you Jesus and all the angels in Heaven for Sam being into eating honeypots! 👇

Below, is another classic video, showing us that Sam is most definitely cheeky, fun, charming, and all of that translates to "good in bed." Too bad all this SamCait cuteness fueled so much Extreme Shipper bullshit but luckily, the rest of us can enjoy it for what it is---two COSTARS and FRIENDS having fun PROMOTING Outlander. I love how proud of himself Sam is after making "the stiff one" comment. He's like "I made a funny!" And just waited for Cait and the interviewer to catch up. And he is still feeling himself afterward. It's adorable to watch. 👇

Generally, I don't give much credence to men who brag about the size of their dirks, but Sam is famous now, and if he were small, some chick he dated would have already commented about it. Here's Sam confirming being called Sam Hugeone "wouldn't be the first time." 👇

Plus, we have video proof HERE. 👇 A man has to be "hung" for his dirk to be visibly flapping in the wind from the SIDE like that. Facts.

Also, Sam is a Taurus. Taurus men are known to be sensual, romantic, eager to please their lover, and have a lot of sexual stamina.

In conclusion, based on the evidence presented, Sam Roland Heughan seems to unequivocally be a good lover. He's made more than one woman lose her dang mind for him...and that doesn't happen with bad dirk..it just doesn't. I rest my case. 😚

[achliegh]

Golden

SORRY FOR THE WEIRD SCHEDUALE RIGHT NOW!!!!

Yeehaw Leo… it's all because this song came on one day (I don’t even really listen to country anymore so it really is fate). Leo is based off that song, each chapter is going to be based off a yeehaw song too.

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Beta: @the-most-slyterin-hufflepuff & @punkkkboi

TW/CW: Smut, terrible yeehaw sayings and jokes, injuries, mentions of past death/suicide, minor character death, underage drinking, mentions of past arrests, cringe

Chapter Songs (listening in order is recommended):

Chapter 11:

Monsters

I Think I’m Okay

Clay looked so good, and it was making Noelle feel some type of way. He was sprawled out on the couch, one arm over the arm of the couch by his head while his other hand was holding his phone. The leg on the inside of the couch was straight and his other was bent. He was wearing a pair of running shorts that he only wears at home that are just a little snug around his thighs. He was wearing a shirt that was old and well worn, it was short enough that it rested above his belly button, showing off his happy trail that Noelle can’t help but follow down with her eyes as she finishes sorting some clothes that she wants to donate.

Thomas and Noelle haven’t done anything sexual with Clay yet because they want to have a talk about boundaries and everything before they just… jump into sex. But, she was reaching her limit, Clay has been driving her insane lately. Even if it is little things that he doesn’t mean to be sexy, it makes her have to take a breath and calm down a little. Sometimes she even has to leave the room to give herself a moment to collect her thoughts.

She couldn’t take it anymore though, she was at the edge. She stands up and walks over to him, standing in front of him she puts her hands in her sweatpant pockets and just looks down at him. Waiting for him to look up at her.

“What’s up, Buttercup?” He clicks his phone off and puts it on his chest, putting both his hands behind his head and smiling up at her with his stupidly sweet smile. She swallows the cotton feeling in her mouth. She doesn’t say anything, she just straddles him, obviously taking him by surprise from the way his hands flew to her hips. “Feeling lonely?” He is rubbing his thumbs up and down on her hips in soothing circles as he looks at her full of adoration.

Making her stomach flutter.

Smiling, she leans down and kisses him. He returns the smile and the kiss, he expects it to stay gentle and innocent like all their kisses have been. But he is surprised when she grabs his face and deepens the kiss. Soon they are in a heated make out. Noelle is pulling his head by his hair into deeper and more intense kisses. Their tongues dance around each other but Noelle is in control. They pull away just far enough that they are basically breathing each other in, Noelle has this wild look in her eye that makes Clay feel hot all over. That dull heat all over turns into a sharp spike of heat when she starts kissing by his ear and whispers.

“I want to fuck you.”

He pulls away and looks her in the eyes again, it sends a shiver of excitement straight to his groin. Clay is someone who loves being used, loves being submissive, and thinks he loves her as well. His brain is almost gone into a submissive state but he picks her up and carries her to Thomas’ room. He sets her down on her feet next to the bed.

“You really want to fuck me?” He takes his shirt off and sits on the bed. Looking up at her with his big brown eyes in a way he knows drives people insane. Especially people like Noelle. She nods and walks towards him, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him so he lays down. Her hand travels down to his waistband with featherlight touches, she looks up at him for permission to take his shorts off and he gives it to her.

She yanks them off him and just about pulls him off the side of the bed, causing both of them to laugh, leaning down for a couple of kisses, Clay pulls her tank top off as she pulls away.

“You’re beautiful.” He looks at her and places one of his hands on her ribs and pulls her closer so she is straddling his waist. He smiles at her and sits up a little so he can start kissing on her collarbones and chest, he remembers Thomas mentioning how sensitive her boobs are. He smiles and wraps his arms around her waist as he starts showing her boobs some attention, she starts to squirm but doesn’t pull away, instead hugging his head to keep his face in her chest.

He loves boobies.

After a while she reaches around and grabs his wrists and pins him to the bed, so they are face to face.

“Let’s get you ready for me to fuck you, yeah? I can already feel just how much you’re dripping for me.” She smirks at him as she runs a finger up his shaft of his leaking cock. He swallows down a moan but his breathing starts picking up. “Get comfy while I go get some things.” She gives him a kiss and gets off the bed, wandering into the closet to get her things.

She comes back after a few minutes with a couple of fun things. First off, she is wearing a bright pink strap-on the dick is dark dark fuchsia and it was about the same size as Clay.

She also tosses a bottle of oil based lube on the bed and crawls over to him. Laying down between his legs and giving his thighs a few kisses.

“Have you ever been fucked before?” Clay was watching her but not answering as he had mostly slipped into his submissive state of mind. So, she pushes herself up and looks at him with a serious look. “Answer me Clay.”

“Yes, I have. Only once because I’m usually with women, who don’t want… this.” He gestures between them as Noelle rubs his thigh and grabs the lube. “Have you fucked Thomas before?” He watches her fingers rub together to warm up the lube as she starts lowering her fingers towards his entrance.

“Not Thomas, I’ve asked but he has never been into it. But… I have fucked a few people before and have been wanting to do it since. This strap is very special, not only does it go into you and make you feel good.” She bites her lip as she slips a finger into Clay who is nice and relaxed as well as extremely horny. “It also goes into me and makes me feel good.” She smirks as Clay takes a shaky breath as she starts moving her finger in and out of him.

“Fuck, really? That's uh- so hot!” It has been a few minutes and Noelle has added in another finger and is curling them to press into his prostate. She definitely knows what she is doing. Clay moves his hands under his thighs and grips them to pull them up higher. He hears Noelle curse under her breath and he whines, arching his back as she adds another.

“You’re doing so good for me baby, so amazing. I’m so proud of you.” Noelle watches as a flush appears in Clay’s chest and a sappy smile rushes onto his face. She moves her hips a bit so the dildo that is in her attached to the strap relieves her with some pleasure for a moment.

“Noelle.” Clay calls for her attention and she looks into his eyes and sees he is in another place. “Please, I need you.” She kisses his hip hiding her smiles and slides her fingers out of him, she grabs the lube again and pours it onto the dildo and spreads it over the plastic appendage. She smiled and happened to take a look at the clock.

“I think it’s time to call Thomas, is that okay?” Clay nods, she grabs her phone and was first going to just call him but decided that facetiming him would be more effective. She sets the ringing phone right next to them and teases Clay by tracing his entrance with the dildo. Thomas answers and she enters Clay, holding his hip and slowly pressing in, until Clay grabs her ass and pulls her in harder. He moans loud and Noelle joins him as she is also fucked.

She tries to talk to Thomas but his connection is too bad. So he hangs up and calls back with a normal call. She answers.

“Hi!” Noelle answers, out of breath and panting. “I was trying to facetime you to show you something beautiful but sadly we don’t have a good connection. Sad~.” Noelle purrs into Clay’s ear, which is also right next to the phone as she continues to slowly pull out and push in, groaning quietly herself.

“I- What are you doing? You have your sexy voice on!” She smiles and feels Clay wraps his arms around her and his legs as she starts moving fast, causing his moaning to get louder and squeezing her with every jolt of pleasure he feels from her grazing his prostate.

“Mm I’m doing Clay.” She smirks and nips at Clay's jaw. “You know what I meant right~ I’m doing Clay.” She hears fumbling on the line and knows Thomas is taking off his clothes. She whispers to Clay. “Let him hear how pretty you sound. Let him know you’re here.”

“T-Thomas! Ugh-ah I-I FUck.” Noelle would thrust in deeper or harder when he would try to speak and watch as his eye would roll back in his head. She herself was starting to feel herself getting closer to the edge and she knows Thomas doesn’t last long in bed. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck- FUCK!” Clay was gripping onto her anyplace he could, his back was starting to arch, his toes were curling on her back where his ankles were crossed.

“You sound so good, Clay.” Thomas was getting off to this by the sound of his voice and the random groans they could hear. Noelle taps Clay’s arm so he loosens them and takes him by surprise by pinning his biceps to the bed and starting to pound into him, hard and fast, but not too deep. Clay starts basically screaming, Noelle’s moans weren’t any quieter, both focused on their own orgasm’s getting cloers as Thomas listened and imagined what was happening.

Noelle and Clay start to sloppily make out as they get close, Noelle actually breaks first. As she is cuming she pounds into Clay, riding out her waves. Causing Clay to fall over the edge completely untouched and the hardest he has ever came.

Thomas muffled himself with his hand a few seconds after Clay. All of them panting, Noelle having collapsed onto Clay who is still out of it but is petting her hair.

“You two- are going to kill me.” Thomas huffs over the line, causing Noelle and Clay to smile. “What brought this on?” His phone call was becoming spotty and they don’t know if it was like that the whole time or if it was just starting.

“I was horny.” Noelle laughs a little as Thomas makes fun of her. “Your call is starting to break up, Doll.” Thomas said a glitchy goodbye after a while, staying with Clay as Noelle cleaned them up and made sure Clay was alright.

Noelle hasn’t been in this good of a mood in a while.

Leo and Clay knock on the door of Reg’s house, waiting patiently for their bestie to open the door. When Reg opens the door he is met with a rather uncomfortable looking Clay leaning against Leo who has the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

“Ummmm, did I miss something?” Leo’s grin gets even bigger as Clay turns red.

“Well-”

“Noelle fucked Clay so hard he can’t stand properly.” Leo cuts Clay off and receives a backhand to the stomach causing him to fold over a bit as he laughs. Reg can’t help but snort at them too. Walking, or limping, into the house the trio makes their way to the kitchen where a makeshift barber shop was set up.

“Okay so, Leo, you just want your head shaved right?” Leo nods and sits on the chair as he is scrolling through Finn and Logan’s joint tik tok account. Reg has noticed that's a coping mechanism for him when he isn’t around his boys. He can still see and feel the love from them even when they aren’t there.

Yes, Leo has somehow gotten the whole tiktok community to think he is homophobic… because he always duets their tiktoks in a way of making fun of them in a way they all know is just leo missing them, but some people don’t see it that way.

Like dueting their coming out video with him shoving popcorn in his mouth and then spitting it out when they kiss and acting disgusted and offended.

Leo lets Reg work on shaving his hair off while his eyes are closed and he just enjoys the chitter-chatter of his friends while his head becomes lighter physically and emotionally because his boys come back home tomorrow night.

They are coming back to him, willingly.

Leo is brought out of his meditative mindset when Reg pokes his head right above his left temple and says something that Leo misses.

“Huh?”

“You have a strawberry on your head.” Reg smiles at him and pokes his tattoo again.

“Oh yeah! I always forget I have that one until I shave my head again.” He smiles as he takes the mirror from Reg and looks at his hair and said tattoo. “I got it… in Georgia after I lost a bet. It’s my sweetest tattoo.” He hands the mirror back and Clay narrows his eyes at the chair from where he was leaning against the counter.

“Do I have to sit? Leo is taller than me and Eloise usually cuts my hair soooooo…. I vote he does it.” Clay sends them his usual blinding smile that convinces way too many people into giving him what he wants.

“Fine, but I can’t promise it will be good.”

“Thomas can always fix it.” The little smile that tugs at Clay’s lips is frankly adorable in Leo’s opinion. Leo has been with Clay through all his ‘relationships’ and no one has ever made Clay react like that.

He deserves to be this happy.

Leo gets to work on Clay’s hair, Clay usually gets the normal short on all sides and long on top. The top of his hair that he likes to have longer needs a trim though, so Leo lets Reg tell him what to do because they have been cutting their own hair since they were 12 because his parents said barbers and hairdressers were dirty.

Does Leo shave a bit too high in the back?

Maybe…

Does he tell Clay?

Nope! Because it’s kinda funny.

“What's the plan for your hair Reg? It looks nice long, honestly. 10/10 would smash. But, you said you had an idea but wouldn’t tell us.” Leo hops on the counter next to where Clay is leaning and causally bumps Clay a little. Making him catch himself and jolt a little from the soreness of his booty. Which again, bring on another smack to the stomach.

“I think.. I want a mullet.”

“The country lifestyle has really taken over you!” The two yeehaws high five and whoop a little.

“Non! I want a more, I don’t know, punkish maybe alternative style mullet? Does that make sense?” When the response is crickets Reg decides to pull of the photo of the man he saw with this hairstyle. “Make sense?”

“I think so, but your hair is curly and his isn’t so it isn’t going to look the same.”

“No shit Clay.”

“I was just saying!”

Reg smiles and rolls his eyes, Leo takes his phone. Looking closer at the picture he looks at Reg and then back at the picture.

“You can definitely pull this off. Let’s do it!” Setting the phone on the counter and hoping back off Leo pushes Reg down in the chair and gets to work. After cutting the first strand of hair he asks Clay to stand in front of Reg and hold the phone so he can look at the picture and work on the hair. Asking Reg how to do certain techniques.

Once the last cut is done, Leo once again looks at the picture and back at Reg.

“I think I did it…? I tried my best, dude.” Clay hands Reg the mirror. Holding the mirror up and looking at himself, Reg notices a few odd cuts but his hair is so curly that is styled right no one would notice. He feels this feeling, he doesn’t know what it is, but it fills his tummy and makes him feel like the person in the mirror is really him.

“I love it, I really really love it.” They stand and hug Leo, taking him off guard but Leo hugs back in the tight way he always does.

“I’m very happy I didn’t fuck it up. Also, point to me for making you happy enough to hug me.” They pull away and Reg can’t help but look at himself in the mirror again. He’s just waiting to look again and his hair is back to the military style cut he has had his whole life. It never does though.

“We should probably clean up, maybe we could sell our hair online and get some money.” Clay is looking into the closet where all the brooms are and pulling out three. “I would like to make it at least twenty more years before I keel over and if your brother sees this mess.. I give us two minutes after he gets home.” Tossing a broom at Leo, he does catch it, but accidentally hits the mirror out of Reg’s hand and it smashes to the ground. Loud enough to hear the mirror break.

Oh shit.

“Leo! That’s seven years of bad luck!” Leo rolls his eyes, Reg always talks about superstitions and Leo being the smart man he is. Doesn’t believe in them.

“Reg, that's not real. I have broken many mirrors and have never had bad luck.” He starts cleaning up the glass with said broom, he makes a pile of glass and hair. Going to grab a dust pan he just does his thing while he feels two sets of eyes on him. “What?”

“Leo, you literally have the worst luck.”

“No I don’t! Now get to cleaning maid boy!” Clay flips him off.

“I’m gonna turn on music as we clean like the children of god we are, after we should make food because I’m a hungry bitch.” Reg is tapping on his phone and turns on Monsters by All time Low, before grabbing his own ‘broom’ which is the only one left.. The little hand broom, so they are on their knees like Cinderella.

Leo walks into the apartment, it's empty, obviously. He sets his keys on the counter, automatically turning on some music from the same station he was listening to at Reg’s while they made dinner and cleaned up. He sits on the couch, scrolling through his phone for a bit, just mindlessly looking at things when he gets a text from his mom.

Text from: Mother Goose

8:27pm

Hi Merigold, I wanted to text you and tell you about how my check up went. I meant to do it a while ago but forgot when Peanut decided to try and eat my hair while I was grooming him. I was told I need to get another aid for my right ear because my hearing has deteriorated too much for me not to have one anymore. So now your mama is definitely going to start learning ASL, I think you should too.

8:29pm

Mama you know I don’t want to learn how to sign

8:29pm

But I’ll try for you

8:30pm

Thank you Goldie Locks! I need to go do my beauty routine before heading to bed! Peanut and I miss you baby.

Image.4457

Leo smiles at the picture of his mom sticking her tongue out in the same way Peanut is in the photo, he misses them a lot and it was really really hard the first week he was living here because he couldn’t take Peanut out and just escape the world.

But now he copes by letting Logan color in his back tattoo with scented markers as Finn lets him rest his head on his lap while he reads to them. Leo has learned that Logan shows his love in many different ways, but his favorite is drawing on the people he loves.

Connecting Finn’s shoulder freckles into shapes.

Coloring in Leo’s back piece.

Drawing a mustache on Sirius when he is asleep in random places.

He paints the Dumias’ kids nails and ‘tattoos’ them with a washable marker. Ever since they met Leo and Clay they have been interested in tattoo’s, having never seen Logan’s own tattoo.

Randomly drawing tiny smiley faces with an ink pen on his teammates.

Once he colored Dumo’s toes orange while he was sleeping on the couch while Celeste and the kids watched.

He writes little quotes on Celeste's left palm.

He can’t express his feelings with words, so he does with actions instead. Leo loves it, Logan has never colored the tattoo on his back in the same way more than once, and it always looks beautiful.

Fuck… He misses them. Then remembers the game is on live right now, so he turns it on to watch his boys play against Ravenclaw. He ends up falling asleep as Kuny gets interviewed in the locker room.

He will see them tomorrow.

[steve0discusses]

S4 Ep40: Fixing Dartz By Not Actually Fixing Dartz

Yo Merry Christmas, I’m quarantined as hell, so I’m just streaming and playing video games until my problems get vaccinated away.

So lets just write about Yugioh because hell a lot didn’t go as planned this year (can you believe my 2020 goal for this blog was to finish ALL OF YUGIOH?) but although my goals were halved and quartered--With this blog I don’t freakin care anymore, and somehow...that’s how it’s one of the few creative bastions I have left standing.

Wild.

I’m so done with the internet, I’m not even updating twitter right now.

But hell yes, lets update the Yugioh blog.

So onward, with the last episode of this season. We last left off with Yami getting devoured by a hate tornado which is just...a lot of 2020 energy. This whole season, in a nutshell is just...2020 energy, honestly. And this tornado is just twitter. It’s just twitter incarnated.

Rather than try to save himself and consequently fix his ghost problem, Yugi has decided to keep himself haunted by fixing Pharaoh’s inner emotional problems. Really is something, isn’t it? To do low key therapy for the ghost that basically...put you in therapy? Yugi can help fix his problems but like...he’s still a mess of problems because of it. Now Yugi shouldn’t walk away, of course, that’s effed up, but it is a little irony there.

Pharaoh, of course, has decided to submit to the hate tornado, and sees it as a manifestation of his own anger and bad vibes.

Isn’t that’s the real problem we have when we have to confront the feelings we don’t want to confront? Where we tend to feel guilt and hate for being upset, which is just sort of a thing humans naturally tend to do--instead of actually working on controlling what you do with those feelings so that way we stop lashing out and setting everyone on fire in the burger restaurant?

Like Pharaoh should be learning to count to 10, not trying to just remove his anger. This has sort of been his problem for a while--he assumes he can just...delete his rage. That’s not a thing. You can’t do that unless you have very specific medication through a doctor, and that’s why he keeps failing at it.

And this goes back to S1 when he “fixed” Kaiba and like nothing really happened. Pharaoh’s decided to wipe himself and like...it’s up to your own interpretation but like...in my book that Pharaoh brand clean cycle does freakin nothing. It gets reversed like constantly.

(read more under the cut)

So Yugi decides to hit up Plan B, which is, honestly? Not a great message. But it’s the anime trope that we keep going back to because it’s the catch-all to make any anime protagonist into the good guy.

Like...

...

.......Yeah I’m gonna talk about it.

this is a trope that is so common it’s sort of ubiquitous with the genre. You gotta have the protagonist give up on their own strength, and be lifted up by their pals at the very last second--it’s like the anime hero’s journey.

But I really don’t like it. I don’t like the power of freindship. I’ll say it.

Because there’s some things you have to handle on your own. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have your main character show strength and show character development by doing things by themselves at the last minute. We already know that Pharaoh’s a good pal and believes in his friends--but like...does he believe in himself?

I can’t tell you if he does by how this episode goes, that’s for sure.

The whole point of this tornado is to see Yami discover his own strength and overcome his weaknesses...and yet he still relies on that good ol chestnut, friend powers.

Like last episode I feel like they did this already and it was way better--other people offered their help willingly, then Pharaoh got to have a big ol fight solo in the clouds to prove he was strong on his own as well. We finished the whole season last episode, so what are we accomplishing now other than a last minute secret boss fight?

Why would Yami doubt himself now? It’s weird. Yugi’s right to have mentioned “yo didn’t we figure this all out in desert hell???” because...we did. Yami is retreading old territory.

And that’s a thing that happens when you write, PS, when Yugi was saying “we already did this!” Yugi was reminding the writers of the show “we did this already. Like guys. We did this.” and sometimes when you’re writing, your characters will do that to you, and you should always be paying attention to cues like that.

Anyway, he vanquishes the hate tornado by thinking fondly of all of his buddies, and then the storm that should have been over the Atlantic Ocean, as according to the dub, parted in the sky above California.

GEOGRAPHY, the secret final boss of this season of Yugioh. And they failed. In a big way.

Yugi holds out his hands in real life, and pretends to hold a ghost that isn’t there. Now I want all of you to do this position IRL. Like that. OK. It looks like Yugi is holding onto a pair of ghost boobies.

Meanwhile, actual and very literal ghosts with very real bodies show up and start picking up Dartz and like...

...The ending of Dartz’ storyline is a TRIP! Lets just get into it!

This cursed dog. I can’t stand how this dog is drawn. I hate it so much that I actually love it, and if I saw this in a thrift store I would impulse buy it and hang it over my fireplace mantle in a golden gilded frame.

AHHH????

WHAT????

He electrocuted you with LIGHTNING! He killed your...everyone! He killed EVERYONE!

Also girl, how are you HERE? Like Physically??? I saw you die! TWICE!!

Yugioh is on SOMETHING with this one, and I think that “something” is called “we weren’t allowed to give you a PG-13 sad ending.”

This is just the freakin weirdest thing. We have a character who is worse than Darth Vadar, and this show has pulled so many dark things in it’s history, but it just...

...it can’t punish Dartz at all, and I don’t know what they were thinking.

They have been poetic before--Pegasus got his eyeball gruesomely ripped straight out of his face, nearly got murdered by Bakura, and was not able to resurrect his wife. Noah hella died, had to give up his plan to rule the world and be a real boy, and had to murder his own Dad even, the moment he finally made a bond with his brothers. Marik had to lose all control of his body, live helplessly inside Tea’s bod for an entire season and accept the fact that he murdered his Dad and now has to live on without any of the magic that ever made him powerful in a broken world and a broken family he will never understand.

Dartz though?

If he does get some sort of poetic retribution, it will be off-screen because we don’t have time for it.

And that’s kind of a bummer because this is usually something Yugioh is kinda good at! I enjoy when this show goes dark, this is a great opportunity to do it...and they didn’t.

It was just the wettest fart Yugioh has ever played on me.

Just the wettest. Nice knowing you, Dartz. Glad you were here to murder everyone on Earth and then totes get away with it because we’ll just pretend like the Orichalcos was a totally different person--although it’s not. Because Yami JUST told us that it doesn’t work that way. Yami JUST told us that the Orichalcos was using his own pain and his own hate against him.

It’s not a separate person, it’s the same!

And to suggest that Yami vanquishing that hate tornado somehow cured Dartz of all his sins, is some upper level Jesus stuff that I don’t think this show would normally want to tread on. Straight up. Yami is a pretty poor stand in for Jesus Christ, and I feel I can straight up say that because it’s Christmas.

...what HAPPENED in the writing room with this one? Did they just run out of episodes? There are less episodes this seasons than other seasons have been.

Was it edited for the English version? Because I...kind of doubt they could edit that much to make it that drastically different.

I’m just boggled. Like usually I’m of the opinion to let the writers do whatever they do because I do not know what was going on behind the scenes, and I’m still of the opinion that they did the best of what they could do with the resources they were given.

BUT, this episode just feels...hella sus. I feel like they just had to make an ending. Any ending. Get an ending on there and finish the season before the power goes out and then run away with whatever paycheck you get (because in entertainment--you might not get one).

Seto and Joey made it completely back to the KaibaCopter before Tea was like “I mean it’s been 15 minutes, guys, you really didn’t hear him behind you? You really lost his tiny pitter patter of his little shoes? The little shoes that make a little tinkly noise like a kitty cat’s collar? A little kitty cat collar that he also wears around his neck? His neck that has a golden pyramid held by a tow chain that makes a little clanky clank when it hits his two belts covered in metal rivets that makes a little singsong clippity cloppity noise every time he so much as breathes? He’s a walking talking Bell of Notre Dame, you lost him?”

and Seto was like “Oh damn it, I know he’s the same size as Mokuba, and so I should be really good at not losing this kid but also have you noticed how many times I’ve lost Mokuba???”

Joey just looked into the distant tomb hut and said “......You’re kidding me.” and decided to immediately run back because Joey Wheeler knows what’s up.

Had Joey Wheeler actually made it back to Atlantis, he would have seen Dartz and his entire family hugging it out and would have immediately socked the guy straight in the dick and it would have been a great way to finally give Dartz just one single consequence for murdering everyone on Earth but you know, I did not write this episode.

I’m really glad that in the same episode that Yami called upon the powers of friendship, his friends hella ditched him to vanquish in a watery grave.

This is wild!

Seto’s words were “Good riddance” as the island went down, and you could not tell if he was talking about the island or about Yugi.

That and Kaiba Really Hates Islands. LOVES watching an island go up in smoke (or underwater, in this case). Loves nothing more.

Seto, your powers of friendship were just used to save the world.

Apparently the standard for friendship power is...not much. But they did just make Yami, of all people, do a literal Jesus in Gethsemane so...the bar for morality is just not very high in this anime.

Did the Great Leviathan stitch Weevil Underwood’s body back together or something? This is...

...Yo Weevil are you immortal now? Are you the big bad in S5 that comes out of nowhere and kick’s Bakura’s ass back to the Shadow Realm like Marik in S2? Because I’ll accept that.

I won’t like it, but I’ll accept that.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

look at those toddler shoes worn by a full adult! Weevil Underwood is so over-designed for a super low-level miniboss and I low key love that they love Weevil Underwood this freakin much.

Of all people, Weevil Freakin Underwood.

Listen, listen, listen.

If Mikey was still alive, he’d be older.

He’d have been older in that Leviathan tummy, he’d be Alister’s age but he’s not. He’s uh...

Yo show that got real dark. Show this is what you should have done to Dartz. I love this sort of dark ending for a rude asshole who is going to try to put his family back together although it’s completely impossible--this would have been a good Dartz ending. But...whatever. It’s fine.

We’ll...let Dartz have his family back, it’s fine.

Meanwhile, in the first actual picture of California that really feels like California, Valon immediately accepts the fact that Mai left him.

This is also a great dark ending for Valon. To accept that the people in your life have moved on and that you, too, must move on, even if it’s alone. This would have been an excellent ending for Dartz.

And then Mai just bounces. She does not seek out Joey Wheeler, because she’s like “I have to fix some stuff, I have some serious problems, and it’s going to take a really long time before I can get over my toxic past.” and just freakin leaves us. Sorry, anyone who was hoping Joey and Mai would smooch at any point, it’s uh...it’s not legal yet.

And TBH I don’t even know if Valon is legal either, and the show decided to not reveal that to us, or allow them to smooch.

And as for Raphael? Uh...

They didn’t bother, I think. I didn’t cap it, at least. But we did get at least one person washed up on a beach.

It would be Kuribo.

I talk about 2020 energy a lot in this season but like...wild 2020 energy here, to be so freakin chill and can I say--delighted--to be stranded on an abandoned island.

The show does not elaborate any more on if the cards are dead or alive, or if the games we are playing are with actual people forced to play these horrible games for us. It’s best that they don’t tell us. Just like Mr Mime. No one wants to know.

Mr Mime as in the Pokemon Mr Mime, PS, I just realized that there is a mime in this universe and he’s just...I don’t really want to know about that guy, either. All mimes honestly, I don’t want to know anything at all about all mimes.

Luckily, for Yugi, Kaiba didn’t fly very far from this island, and so we don’t have to have some sort of weird season cliffhanger where we guess how long Yugi can live off of coconuts (2 hours. he would last 2 hours on this island)

Although it would be such a cliffhanger to wonder what Yugi’s hair would look like after that. the same, right? Like it’s the same amount of grease and nasty stuff? He’d just have his roots growing out?

And there they go--goodbye Dues Ex Machina Cards. Either the show can’t keep you on board because you’re hella broken, or the three dragon warriors died, or retired, or whatever it is when a card is like “I’m done with humanity, please leave me alone and never call me again.”

Did Seto low key just break up with his side piece just now? Tragic.

Remember that time that Yugi was so bouyant he was armpits out of the water in S2? It’s crazy how bouyant Yugi Muto is. Like if someone did one of those anime cross-sections of his anatomy, he needs like 3 or 4 duck shaped pool floaties in there.

Now, full disclosure, I have written the ending to this post 3 times because tumblr keeps deleting this post out of my drafts folder (I shouldn’t be writing this in my drafts folder, being real, it’s been really buggy lately, and I’m gonna have to make a different solution to this) So I’m just...

...gonna end on this note. This exciting note that Bakura is next. Finally, Bakura (JK of course, because apparently Bakura doesn’t show up for half the season. Bro told me this and offered that we should skip that filler and of course I told him that is not the point of this blog and we will be watching all of that gruesome filler piece by piece. Because for someone, out there--that filler is their favorite episode. I don’t know who you are--but get ready for filler.)

Now Yami could just...call up Bakura at any point at his house and make an appointment to end the world...but maybe S5 will go a different direction? We shall see.

Anyway, that’s it for this Season! Thanks all for sticking with us when I just...didn’t have an upload schedule for this entire year. It’s been a YEAR. But, I’m hoping for good things in the future, and that things will adjust back to a normal upload schedule and that...hopefully tumblr won’t die or something weird like that.

I’m gonna finish the Full Metal alchemist Live Action movie next (we’re like halfway through) and then after that--onward to to S5! See y’all there!

Stay safe!

(and here’s the link to read these in chrono order if you’re new here:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[matildainmotion]

Extreme Times, Transitions and Your Extreme Powers for 2021

This time last year I wrote a piece entitled ‘An Encouraging Blog about Despair’ – this was in early January, before the pandemic. My son loves that moment in a story when someone says, “Well, at least things can’t get any worse,” and then, right on cue, a whole lot of worse-ness happens. This year I am not going to attempt to be encouraging – I think we need something else, to match the gravity and uncertainty of the times, that recognises all the worse-ness that has happened. But what? Right now I am not sure. Let me see if I can write my way to find it.

The thing that has saved my sanity through the year has been the working on and writing of a novel. It has kept me sane but also driven me mad, but at least it has been my madness, of my own making as opposed to the world’s. It has been astonishingly difficult. Often, I have felt more articulate about the toughness of the process, than about the story I am trying to tell. The images I have used to describe it have included marathon running, mountaineering, white-water rafting and tightrope walking. I am struck by the extremity of these metaphors. I have done none of these things in real life, and yet I have had a visceral sense of their accuracy. Most of my writing has taken place where I am now, crouched on the children’s bedroom floor. I do not look like I am engaged in anything wild or dangerous, but I like the idea that both my making and my mothering – activities that are often seen as domestic, docile – are in fact extreme sports. 

Photo credit: Viola Depcik, as part of the online exhibition: Portraits in Motherhood and Making during lockdown.

For now, I have come off the mountain of the book. Come January I will set about editing it – an attempt to turn the manuscript into something someone might actually want to read. This morning, I am in a moment of transition. What to write in the dark bedroom, before the children wake? Christmas wish lists and new year’s resolutions are the traditional seasonal texts, but I notice I have two counter impulses to these – two very different lists I want to write. 

The first is not a wish list, but a list of the unwished-for. A backwards-looking list of some of the worse-ness of the year, not as a plea for sympathy, empathy, not out of a need to confess, or because I am looking for advice, but because it feels important to name it. In these last months, on those precious trips out of the house, I have had many two-metres-apart exchanges of the “How are you doing?” kind. “Okay. We’re surviving,” I reply, and then come away, with my groceries in hand, my mask hanging round my neck, feeling desolate, surprised that I should feel it so deeply, when I was not expecting any more from the exchange. I think it is because I want to lay bare the utter ugliness of the year, like when you pull the fridge out and expose the amazing accumulation of dirt underneath. I know that we have been lucky, so when I list some of our un-wished for times, I do it in full recognition that others have had it worse, much worse. 

Here is a selection of my unwished-for list:

Easter – everyone in the house either shouting or crying or both. Still ill. My husband and son red in the face. My mother and daughter, white. 

Then the times – more than one -when my son, who is on the autistic spectrum, needed a play fight, to channel the aggression he displays when he feels threatened (and a threat may be as slight as a joke he did not understand, a small change of plan). I offer to fight him, and as I face him, hold his wrists, the energy in his body, but also in mine, is far from playful. 

A recent one - a double meltdown – my daughter screaming whilst we are Xmas shopping because she and I cannot remember something I said three days ago about her and a bauble she was hanging on the tree. Meanwhile it is raining. She is refusing to wear a coat. She runs away from me, up the pavement, beside a busy road, whilst my son, who cannot bear loud noise, lays down on the concrete and puts his hands over his ears. I am caught between the two of them – one on the run, the other on the ground. Masked people watching me, the rain coming down, the dark coming on. 

Three in the morning and no one is screaming or sobbing but me – the children are sleeping peacefully, and I am not. 

There is an edge to this – it is allowed to be hard, but it feels dangerous to expose the difficult details. It has not all been like this, but I do not want to sweep these times aside and hurry on. So I set them down, one by one, on the page. Then I can begin list number two. 

This is a list not of changes I resolve to make in the new year, but ones that came on their own, and are ongoing, unresolved. A list of the transitions already underway. Because these arrive unbidden, this is a list of the moments when I understood that change is happening:

When I find I cannot read the instructions on the side of the ‘stuffing mix’ and I realise I need reading glasses. 

When my period is two weeks late one month, and two weeks early the next. The skin on my eyelids grows dry. I read this too can be a symptom of the perimenopause.

When my daughter is at last weening (shhhh, don’t tell her, or she will object) and her favourite game is to play at being a ‘dumb baby’ who cannot remember where its mummy’s boobies are. She runs about the room, looking behind bookshelves and under covers, until eventually the baby realises that the boobies and the milk are on its mother’s chest. She does not want the milk now, she wants to play at being the silly baby, because she is turning into such a competent ‘medium big girl’ (her current definition of her size).

When my mother (granny) no longer wants to cook meals for us, but would rather that I cook for her. 

When my son starts to grow a greater awareness of his separateness to me and I find him in tears one night because earlier in the day he heard The Beatles song “She’s Leaving Home” and grew afraid that this might happen to him – that he would leave one day, leaving only a note behind.

When my husband and I realise we are going to need to move again, find somewhere we both want to be, to settle, where we can grow older.

When the children wait for snow, go out keen to find the ice on top of puddles to crack and splinter, but the winter stays mild, wet. 

And then there is the ‘transition period’ the whole of the UK is supposed to be undergoing, moving out of the EU, whether we like it or not. Lorries, stationary, but in long lines of transit, waiting to cross the border. And then there are the transitions- endless- from one tier to another to try to control the virus. 

I think of others’ transitions too, of friends, and friends of friends: people waiting for a baby to be born; waiting for a loved one to recover, or die; transitions of age, gender, status. 

What to do in response to these unchosen changes? I almost admire my daughter’s wish to fight them. Her maxim is not ‘to keep calm and carry on,’ but rather to keep screaming, whilst being carried. I am impressed by the volume of rage in her four-year-old frame as she attempts to stop things:

“You have to stop the car now,” she cries from the back seat, when we are in the middle of the road, “Right now. You have to do it. You have to, you have to, you have to…Mummy stop! Now! You have to stop!” It is a work-out of the will that can go on for hours and which leaves us both exhausted. It is extreme, and it makes me think back to the extreme metaphors for which I found myself reaching in trying to describe my writing process with the novel. 

I counsel her in acceptance, but I recognise my own desire to scream against the times, to stop the world. Perhaps I need to flip things round - to harness the power of the scream, even as I accept the ways things are. Often I think of acceptance as passive, equanimity as cool and quiet. But I am not sure balance, as figured in this way, is the right metaphor for our times. The feat of balancing required now is that done by the tightrope walker, cliff face climber, white-water rafter – an athletic equanimity, a muscular form of acceptance that takes all our might, all our will. 

Maybe it is time to reclaim the male image of the superhero. I like the way in the film of The Incredibles, the superheroic is recognised as a form of divergence from the norm, a daring difference, how the super ability can become a disability if the surrounding culture judges it as such. The image helps me to see my differences as potential superpowers. 

A third and final list then comes to mind, a forwards-looking one, that might support me through the transitions of this time, and on into 2021 – a list of my extreme powers. If it comes to needing to grow food, hunt, light fires – wilderness survival skills – I will be useless, but I can do the following:

I can survive on little sleep. 

I can hold onto the thread of a creative project or conversation through multiple interupptions and across many days.

I can imagine disaster, very fast, in almost any situation.

I can mother two intense children, both often awake till midnight.

I can name the elephant in any room. 

I can write a novel in the hour per day when my children are watching TV (this is a slight exaggeration - when school was happening I had a little more time, but on a list like this you are allowed to exaggerate). 

That’s it for now. I do not think we need to know or understand how our superpowers, our athletic abilities, can be put to good use. I do not think it is our job to calculate this, but rather only to keep in training. Ready. Skills honed. And also to notice, name and honour one another’s skills. I think I should write a list of my children’s superpowers too. As I write this, the children have woken and my husband is now showing my daughter the trailer for the latest Wonder Woman movie. My daughter likes her outfits, especially the golden bracelets. A glittering dress sense will be on my daughter’s list of wondrous powers. 

The other day my husband shared with me a quote, from a Hopi leader in the year 2000, which seems relevant to my three lists as 2021 begins:

“There is a river flowing now very fast.  It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.  They will try to hold on to the shore…..The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water.  And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate.”

Writing a novel has felt like white water rafting, but actually being alive right now feels like that too. This year I offer, not encouragement amidst despair, but something more extreme - a call to arms, to your arms, my arms, arms that can carry children, stir soups, make stories - superhero arms strong enough, not to grip, but to let go of the shore. Mid river as we are, I want to celebrate each other’s extreme, extraordinary abilities. So, tell me your lists: the list of things you did not wish for, the list of changes underway, unresolved, and then the list of the superpowers you are hiding, honing, as we are swept along. What powers, however ordinary, bizarre, or seemingly superfluous, do you have to offer?

[auntynationalsblog]

Fargo: Top 10 Characters

Television shows like Breaking Bad, The Sopranos and The Wire are definitely three of the greatest in the genre of non-fantasy dramas, thrillers, and crime fiction. If you love those three shows, but you are unfamiliar with Fargo, stop whatever you are doing, and watch it now. Right now. Thank me later. 

One of the reasons why Fargo is a work of genius is the intensity and depth of its characters. These characters, in my opinion, have earned the right to be categorized alongside Walter White, Tony Soprano, Omar Little and Don Draper, as some of the legendary TV characters of all time. This blog takes a look at eleven of the most astonishing characters Fargo has provided to the world of television. 

Beware of spoilers, obviously. 

Consolation Prize: Lester Nygaard (Season 1)

“Old Lester, now, he would've just let it slide. But not this guy.”

Played by Martin Freeman, or better known as Dr. John Watson from the twenty-first-century version of Sherlock Holmes, Lester Nygaard is a loser. Like all losers, we tend to feel bad for him, until his personality develops in a way which makes us abandon our pity for him. Pity is replaced by disgust, and sadness is replaced by anger. Lester’s transformation from a good-for-nothing non-achiever to a devious and heartless criminal and fugitive is definitely one of the most subtle character developments I’ve seen on TV. His role is often overshadowed by two other characters from the same season. Very important character nonetheless, brilliantly portrayed by Freeman.  

10. Wes Wrench/Mr. Wrench (Season 1, Season 3)

“ “

Played by the deaf, yet brilliant actor - Russel Harvard - Mr. Wrench also can’t hear. What can do is kill. He is an assassin, and he is loyal and lethal. He appears in the first season as one-half of the committed team of Mr. Wrench and Mr. Numbers (Grady Numbers). Wrench’s childish attitude is quick to win the hearts of the audience, while his kill skills and will-power earn him a spot on this list. After losing his partner (Mr. Numbers) in a gunfight, he is spared by his partner’s killer because the killer was himself impressed by Wrench’s skills and character. He reappears in season three as an invaluable accomplice to another character on this list, a role which makes us love him even more. 

9.  Molly Solverson (Season 1)

“Got to love a man who keeps his word, right?“

Played by Allison Tolman, Molly is the walking-definition of a young and hungry-for-justice police officer. A daughter to a police officer and a granddaughter to a sheriff, Molly is the character that makes us nurture the hope that there is hope for goodness and justice. After losing her murdered chief early on in the show, who is replaced by an incompetent one, Molly takes up the challenge of solving her chief’s murder all by herself, and she quickly finds herself trapped in a world of assassins and conspiracies. But despite being shot and hospitalized, she just does not give in, acting as the top cop that she isn’t. The character even earned Tolman the Emmy and Golden Globe nominations. 

8. V.M. Varga (Season 3)

“The past is unpredictable.”

Played by David Thewlis, or as we know him - Professor Remus ‘Mooney’ Lupin - from the Harry Potter world, Varga is sick, and in all likelihood he will make you sick to the stomach. Sadistic and ruthless, with a portrait of Joseph Stalin on his desk, Varga uses a businessman hitherto leading a happy and normal life to further his money laundering scheme. Intimidation and disposal seem to be his key tactics to success, apparent when he makes the businessman’s subordinate drink his own urine as a punishment for acting suspiciously. With the worst teeth on the show, and probably suffering from bulimia, Thewlis’ villainous role does not allow us to take even a one minute break between episodes.    

7. Floyd Gerhardt (Season 2)

“Three times, I sent men to do a job. Three times, they come back unfinished. I'll handle this myself.”

Played by Jean Smart, Floyd Gerhardt inherited one of the most difficult jobs in the world. After her husband Otto, the head of the Gerhardt crime syndicate, suffers a stroke and is unable to lead the mafia any longer, Floyd takes over all the guns and the money. Her eldest boy, Dodd, is unwilling to accept a woman, who is also old, as the new mafia don. However, throughout the season, Floyd shows us who’s boss as she uses an iron hand to deal with a rival gang from Kansas City and to investigate the homicide of her youngest son. One of the characteristics of Floyd which makes us like her so much is her love and concern for her granddaughter, who is mostly abused and humiliated by her father Dodd. The characters in season 2 are the strongest, but without Floyd, none of the other characters would be as appealing as they are. 

6. Gloria Burgle (Season 3)

“There’s violence to knowing the world isn't what you thought.”

Played by Carrie Coon, Gloria is the older version of Molly Solverson. After finding her stepdad murdered via asphyxiation, Gloria’s investigation leads to bizarre outcomes that find her entwined in something very big and very dangerous. A recently divorced woman, whose position of Chief also got taken away, her new Chief is simply intolerable, who demands of her to let go of the investigation. But like Molly, she just doesn’t give up, and her relentless pursuit constitutes the heart of the third season. Gloria is an example of how some police officers simply cannot be intimidated or corrupted into submission. The final scene of Fargo is a conversation between Varga and Gloria, and arguably, that tense scene is one of the best dialogue exchanges in the series. A true superhero. 

5. Lou Solverson (Season 2)

“Am I the only one here who’s clear on the concept of law enforcement?”

A loving father, a caring husband and the hotshot cop of town, Lou Solverson, played by Patrick Wilson, is your Marvel/DC superhero. Lou actually made his first appearance in the first season, as Molly’s father - former cop currently running a diner. In the second season, we are given a glimpse of Lou’s glory days as he single-handedly takes on both the Gerhardt Family and the Kansas City Mafia. Two things to note about Lou’s character - fearlessness and morality. Lou just does not submit to intimidation, as is seen in his confrontations with Mike Milligan on one occasion and with the Gerhardt Family on another. On the latter aspect, Lou is forced to take in his long-time friend Ed Blumquist on charges of murder, but the element of friendship does not deter Lou to do what he knows is his duty and is morally right. 

4. Mike Milligan (Season 2)

“If the goal is to kill those who oppress you, what does it matter who goes first?”

Played by Bokeem Woodbine, Mike Milligan is the epitome of suave. A well-read man, who often uses poetic quotes out of nowhere to dramatize his point, Mike is an assassin working for the Kansas City Mafia, and is in charge of ripping the Gerhardt Family apart. Arguably the most cunning and nefarious character of the second season, what sets Mike apart from other villains is the unbelievable aura of calm he brings to a seemingly tense situation. Varga does that too, but Mike does it better. Intelligence is his most lethal weapon, as his loyal henchmen, known as The Kitchen Brothers, carry out most of the bloodshed for him. At the end, although Mike meets a fate worse than death, most of us would die to be him during a gang-war.  

3. Lorne Malvo (Season 1)

“There are no saints in the animal kingdom. Only breakfast and dinner.”

Played by the former husband of Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob Thornton’s portrayal of Lorne Malvo goes down as the greatest villainous role in Fargo. Malvo, in simple words, is pure evil. He does not care. He is a predator, with an ideology best put as, “kill or be killed”.  He begins an unusual friendship with the Lester Nygaard, whose character is antithetical to that of Malvo. He even saves Lester from arrest and gradually, through his venomous words, turns him from an innocent loser into a evil loser. Eventually, Lester tries to show him who’s boss, realizing he couldn’t have made a worse choice about who to fuck around with. The personification of evil that is Malvo, can be categorized with characters such an Anton Chigurh, the Joker and Hans Gruber (who has an unusual physical resemblance with Malvo) on the list of the greatest villains of all time. 

2. Ohanzee “Hanzee” Dent (Season 2)

“ “Send the Indian,” they'd say. “Who cares about booby traps? Give Hanzee a flashlight and a knife and send him down into the black echo.” ” 

Played by Zahn McClarnon, Hanzee Dent is not an evil guy. He is a bad man, sure. But he is not EVIL. He is not a villain. Society alienated him, treated him like a mongrel and made him a ticking time-bomb only seconds away from the boom. A native-american assassin recruited by Otto Gerhardt from a very young age, Hanzee appears to be a loyal hit-man for the Gerhardt Family, until he loses his shit. An unstoppable force and a ruthless killer with a history of military service (Vietnam), Hanzee has an agenda of his own. His killing spree is triggered by a sign outside a pub boasting about murders of 22 Sioux Indians who were hung there, with a puddle of dried vomit beneath it. Arguably the most complicated character of the show, with an intense development of personality, Hanzee Dent is the only character in the show who is a lethal assassin but makes us pity him and root for him. 

One Last Consolation Prize: Peggy Blumquist (Season 2)

“I just wanted to be someone.” 

Played by Kirsten Dunst, or Mary Jane from the Tobey Maguire Spiderman series, Peggy Blumquist is the source of all the drama. After she accidentally runs over the youngest Gerhardt son, Rye Gerhardt, her husband, Ed Blumquist (another brilliant character) becomes number one on the Gerhardt Family’s blacklist, and acquires the nickname - The Butcher of Luverne. Peggy should not be perceived as stupid or a trouble-maker. Throughout the show, she feels what many of us also feel, that we are not living up to our potential. Her interests conflict with her husband’s interests, but eventually she does everything in her capacity to clean up the mess that she (unintentionally) created, and to save her husband from the cops and the mafia. Her portrayal by Dunst was vastly appreciated by critics and fans alike, but in a show comprising of so many awesome characters, it was impossible for me to include Peggy in my top ten.  

1. Nikki Swango (Season 3)

“You've made me the happiest woman ever. Now, let's make a sex tape.”

In Fargo, we have super-heroes, heroes, villains and super-villains, and we have Nikki Swango, portrayed by Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Right from the moment we saw her eliminate a threat to her grand plan with the help an air-conditioner, Nikki provided Fargo with the most unique ‘unique character’. A genius who utilizes her intellect in a professional game of cards (Bridge), she may be, at first, perceived as selfish and shallow. But towards the end, it is evident that she actually did love her fiance Ray Stussy, and wasn’t just using him for her personal ambitions. It is hard to put a hero/villain label on her because she embodies the key characteristics of both roles - empathy, willpower, deviousness, ruthlessness and a thick skin. Her partnership with Mr. Wrench, her plan to execute the entire squad led by Varga AND extort two million dollars from him has to be one of the most memorable moments of the series. Not to forget how she, along with Wrench, hijacked the truck carrying all the documents needed by the IRS to prosecute Varga. Simply put, Nikki Swango is the badass of the show. 

So that’s my list. I won’t ask you to like or comment on my blog (some feedback would be appreciated though). All I want from the world of Netflix, is that this TV show receives the viewership and appreciation that it deserves, which it hasn’t gotten yet. 

[detectivejigsawpines]

A Pinesmas Carol-part 6 (Operation Lockdown)

Not for the same reasons as currently...but still an oddly appropriate title, I just realized.

Trigger warning: panic attack.

“Maybe we should call the police,” Rebecca said, standing in the doorway.

All three men jumped.

“You’ve been listening?” Stan asked.

“I’m the youngest of five children, Stanley-eavesdropping is one of my specialties.”  She gave him a tiny smile, which quickly faded. “But seriously, if this man is a threat to you, then just call the cops and let them handle this.  Even if he hasn’t done anything around here yet, it sounds like he’s bound to have some kind of criminal record that can justify them bringing him in.”

“But that might cause more problems.”

Of all people, it was Ford who spoke up.  The others stared at him like he’d grown extra fingers, but he went on talking, feeling his cheeks turning red at their scrutiny.

“Some of Stan’s cr-um, history on the streets might come out in court.  He could get put in jail again.”

“Again?” Rebecca asked.  Ford cursed inwardly, especially when he saw the crushed, fearful expression rising in Stan’s eyes at her shocked tone of voice.

Way to open your big mouth, moron.

“N-not for anything big!” he said quickly.  I hope.   “But Stanley could probably get in trouble for aiding and abetting, or something, even though he didn’t actually finish the job for Archer.  If-if we were in Gravity Falls, maybe-the laws there are astonishingly lax in certain matters, it wouldn’t get us in as much trouble to talk to the police.”

And we also have several friends who we could have asked to deal with this monster permanently, a rebellious voice whispered in the back of his head; he only made a token effort to shut it up.  “But here, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to get them involved unless we have no other choice.”

To his relief, Rebecca didn’t seem like she was about to throw Stan to the wolves because he’d turned out to be a jailbird.  She just squeezed her hands together uncertainly, glancing back to the living room, where they could hear Xander playing with some toys and making explosion noises.

“So what do we do instead?” she asked.  “Booby trap the house and wait for this creep to show up?”

Stan’s eyes brightened.  “Not a bad idea!” Then his grin turned sheepish at the look she gave him.  “Heh, kidding.”

Ford suddenly stood up, and began pacing around the back of the kitchen, trying to think.  “We don’t know for sure that he saw Stan, or if he did that he was able to follow him here-”

“But it’s better ta be safe than sorry,” Stan interrupted.

“Precisely.  So I suggest that for now, none of us leaves the house on our own, and we keep the doors and windows locked.”  Then he flushed again, remembering that he was not the man of the house here.

But Shermie was nodding, and saying softly, “Sounds like a plan.”

Ford nodded too, gulping a few times.  “Right. Good.”

Something in his head was starting to scream.

Stan frowned at him.  “Poindexter, you okay-?”

Abruptly Ford fled the kitchen, hurrying upstairs.

********

The bathroom was small, and you could lock the door once you were inside.

Once he was inside and had turned the lock, Ford sank to the floor, wrapping one arm around his stomach and the other hand covering his mouth.

Stanley had nearly been killed by that man that man was here in Piedmont he might come for Stanley again he might try to kill all of us he might try to carve Stan open like a pig

At some point Ford toppled onto his side, the cool linoleum pressed against his cheek and squishing his glasses into the side of his face.  He barely even noticed.

It might have been years, it might have been forever, when he finally calmed down enough to sit up, and from there work on the process of standing.  The strength had finally come back into his limbs, so it was easier for him to do this, but his arms still trembled a little as he braced himself on the counter and looked in the mirror.

Hurriedly Ford turned on the faucet and washed his face, splashing it with cold water and cleaning the areas around his eyes and nose and washing off his glasses.  Once he dried off with the hand towel he still looked a little red and blotchy, but maybe it was less noticeable than it would have been otherwise. He wasn’t the one they needed to worry about right now, and he needed to come up with a plan to protect Stanley.

Who, speak of the devil, was sitting on the floor right outside the bathroom.  He looked up when Ford exited, eyes appraising and questioning.

“I’m okay,” Ford whispered.

“For now, anyway?” Stan asked, reading between the lines as he stood.

“Yeah.”

Stan squeezed his shoulder, and gave him a small smile; annoyingly, the small act of affection was enough to make Ford’s eyes start stinging again, but he just did his best to swallow it down.

********

The rest of the day was filled with tension, all the way into the evening, as Ford once again helped Rebecca with dinner while Stan and Shermie tried to keep Xander occupied with books and games of dreidel.  Despite their best efforts, the little boy seemed to pick up on the adults’ mood, leading him to throw a few tantrums over seemingly minor slights, but other than that he mostly remained in blissful childish ignorance.

And then, once they’d eaten (Ford hadn’t had much of an appetite, and the others weren’t much better), Stan said, “Hey, I got an idea.  How about tonight we all sleep in the living room? We can put together some mattresses and blankets, and it’ll be like a sleepover or something.”

Xander looked up at him curiously.  “Is it cuz the first day of Hanukkah’s tomorrow?”

“...Yeah, exactly!  It’ll be a Hanukkah sleepover!”

Xander’s eyes brightened.  “That sounds awesome! Can we, dad?  Pleeeeease?”

Shermie managed to smile back at his son.  “That sounds like a lot of fun.”

Xander helped carry blankets and pillows downstairs, and once a few mattresses were laid out on the floor he helped drape the covers over them until they’d created a small, comfortable island.  Rebecca and Xander were sandwiched in the middle of it, with Shermie holding onto both of them and the twins on either side of their little group.

Despite the tension, Shermie and Rebecca fell asleep almost immediately.  Even Stan started snoring after about an hour; maybe he was just that used to the idea that people were out there who wanted to kill him.

But eventually Ford got up, and crept upstairs, where he pulled a familiar red book with a golden handprint and the number “1” on the cover out of his backpack.

********

Even without going through the portal, Ford is still a BAMF.

[serpent-craft]

Secrets

 A ribbon of smoke wound its way through the holes of an antique Quel’dorei incense burner. Sandalwood and citrus cleansed the old house of its musty smell that lingered from years of neglect. A month in, and the process of refurbishing the Goldenheart estate was slowly coming together like pieces of a puzzle; riddled with memories of sordid and pleasant experiences coiled into one. Rhythmic music filled the small gaps of silence that the pair of Sin’dorei had between them as they continued to bring the house back to life . It wasn’t an artist that the two recognized, but the record player proved to be an interesting find at the festival in the Jade Forest.

Aendonys reclined into a pile of ornate pillows and blankets, more goods acquired from the markets to serve as a makeshift bed. He caught a few last rays of sun before it fell below the horizon, reflecting off the polished tiles on the balcony. It was a domestic deed he did himself, taking a cloth and solvent to the grime until the surfaces felt smooth to the touch. The demon hunter was quite proud of himself for this, and for that he decided to take a break while Micael finished unboxing the decorations and momentos.

“Hm...retiring early?” A golden light neared close, speaking in a baritone voice. The details of Micael’s face were visible in the demon hunter’s vision, like a sketch or a watercolor painting that grew in detail the more he focused. He was a broad shouldered, muscular framed Sin’dorei with soft androgynous facial features that suited him well. Even compared to Aendonys, Micael easily showed far more physical strength. “Well, I suppose you did a decent job.”

“I did a damn good job.” Aendonys quipped, running his claws over the pristine grout and tile. The paladin gave a throaty laugh, the light in his chest grew like a tiny sun.

“You did well above my expectations, Aendonys.”

The two exchanged prideful smirks, intertwining fingers as the hanging crystals projected dancing lights from the sunset. In the distance the spires of Silvermoon created a black backdrop against the purple and orange sky. It was a welcome sight as the world withdrew into an hour of peace. For however long it would last--one could not discern, but for this moment the defeat of an old god and the pause of war could serve as a brief respite. It was a good time for them to settle into a relaxed life, or at least make a nest to come back to when they were off on another adventure.

The paladin’s hand gently slipped away as Aendonys heard the clatter of Micael’s armor being slipped off the manikin. A subtle expression of concern was painted upon the demon hunter’s face, he reached over to remove the needle from the record.

“I’ll get my glaives.”

Micael cut him off before the other sat up. Placing a metal hand firmly upon Aendony’s shoulder. He was becoming accustomed to the prosthetic.

“I am just preparing for the night watch. I’d rather you stay here to keep the place guarded.” There was a sense of assurance in the tone of his voice, a stubborn self-reliance that Aendonys grew fond of in this man. He huffed in a mildly annoyed retort, sticking his tongue out far enough that the gold piercing glinted in the light.

“Suit yourself, Goldilocks.”

-------

The galloping hooves of holy knights took off into the night, clearing whatever undead still lurked in Tranquillien. To this day, the Ghostlands still remain a threat, but the undead have thinned out in numbers. The borders of Eversong grew as patches of verdant grass returned, and the wildlife no longer feared the remnants of the Dead Scar. Perhaps one day it would only serve as a memory and nothing more. The Goldenheart estate was a starting point, at least.

Aendonys drifted into a brief sleep--a couple hour nap that the night owl had before midnight. He had yet to light the sconces as the burning embers of incense glowed inside copper chambers. He wouldn’t need light to see anyways, but it was courteous to Micael for when he came home. They still had so much unbuilt furniture and decor strewn about the room like booby traps in the dark--and speaking of, Aendonys’ ears twitched at the sound of footsteps in the house. A hard clacking like that of an armored foot...was he back already? The demon hunter blinked sleepily, a pair of violet glowing eyes piercing the darkness.

“Micael? Is that yo-”

A hand clasped over the demon hunter’s mouth, claws digging into his skin as slender fingers wrapped around his neck. He failed to react in time as a paralysis took over his body.

“Hmm. just like old times, Aendy.” The sinister voice of a woman filled his mind. It was harrowingly familiar. He saw her silhouette clear as day, the curvaceous demoness with her upright horns and outstretched wings that seemingly dripped with shadow magic.

“I’d bite you if you weren’t into that, Bryketh.” He snapped a muffled reply. The succubus removed the hand over his mouth to dig her stiletto claws into Aendony’s shoulder as she straddled him.

“Oh, we know each other so...so well.” She hummed. “It’s sad to see you so...hm--domesticated. That’s what paladin’s do after all, they take our gifts from the void and stomp on them with their big, obnoxiously shiny boots.”

Aendonys sneered, struggling against her magic to reach for the dagger he buried into his pillow. The hilt brushed against his fingertips.

“Heh…maybe I’m into that. Not like you’d know since you're a heartless bitch.” He paid the price for that quip, feeling her claws dig through his demonic skin. Blood was certainly being drawn, but her spell was slipping.

“Did you tell him what you did to me, Aendonys? How you made me love you for your own gain?” She whispered in an aggressive trill. “Does he know what kind of treachery you are capable of--my dearest demon-hearted bastard?”

He reached for the blade, he fingers wrapped around the hilt. He waited for Bryketh to slip up enough that he would slit her throat--but suddenly he felt a pressure on his hand. The succubus disappeared in a plume of smoke as Aendony’s eyes snapped open with a burst of violet flames.

“It’s just me.” The voice was similar to Micael’s but in a monotone drone. Aendonys saw a man with outstretched feathered wings and long stark white hair. His foot was over the dagger that he reached for. Red curtains ominously flowed over the open balcony that he entered through as a cool breeze entered the room.

“Gabe?” The leaves outside rustled as the twin brother’s wing’s disintegrated from sight revealing the full moon behind him. He could feel the gaze of the other’s spectral sight piercing him. Gabriel was best described as an icy dagger compared to Micael’s warmth. 

“I wanted to see if it was true. That you and my brother are going to live here now.”

Aendonys was quiet for a moment. He still hadn’t recovered from that nightmare, but this was certainly reality now. He ran a hand across his shoulder as if expecting to feel blood there, but it was dry.

“Yeah. We’re going to at least try.”

It wasn’t uncommon for a moment of silence to linger between them. Aendonys knew Gabriel far longer than he had known Micael. They both witnessed each other’s sacrifices and betrayals as Illidari, in a way he always saw him as a brother like Asmodan. A cold and distant--soon to be step-brother--who cared far more than he ever wanted anyone to see. Even his spectral vision worked differently than others. He would see the emotions Aendonys was feeling like they were painted on his face in clear view. The discomfort and fear he always masked.

“He proposed the idea, didn’t he?” Gabriel spoke.

Aendonys smiled a bit more genuinely than he usually did. “He did. It’s because we are getting marr--”

“I know.”

Gabriel strode over to the closest sconce on the wall and lit it, illuminating the two in a arcand light. He sensed where each one was by memory. This was once his home too.

“Goldilocks can’t keep his mouth shut, huh?” Aendonys kicked the covers off and rolled onto a cross-legged sit. He chuckled a bit at that before his smile faded, watching the white-haired man select and open a book from a nearby shelf. It wasn’t as if he could read it but the texture of the pages was pleasing, perhaps. This suddenly didn’t feel right. “So...which one of these rooms was yours?”

The white haired illidari pointed to the ground where Aendonys was sleeping.

“This one.”

Aendonys pursed his lips awkwardly. Straightening up a pillow like it didn’t even belong to him now. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was acting like this. “Oh, I see. Well it’s now your guest room for whenever you stay here. Unless you wanna move in with us.”

“I don’t.” He replied in an eerily calm manner. Shutting the book he inspected.

Aendonys sighed and adjusted his posture having nothing to say to that. He might have understood why Micael didn’t speak with his brother about this, but it wasn’t done so out of ill will.

Gabriel wandered into the other rooms for a moment, reminiscing quietly as he somberly lit the hallway for Micael’s return. Aendonys quietly followed after as if expecting the brother to speak about his past here like Micael did. He did not.

“Have you told him about Bryketh?” Gabriel suddenly questioned. Aendonys slapped a hand over his face in a disgruntled display.

“For fels sake, Gabe. Not you too.”

The white haired Sin’dorei suddenly snapped his gaze towards the other interrogatively.

Aendony’s waved his hands dismissively with a sigh. “--nevermind that. No. I have not. Why should I? I wouldn’t ever treat Mike like that anyways so it doesn’t matter. I know I’ve done some people dirty in the past to survive, but I’m especially not going to sit in a confessional booth over betraying a demon.”

Gabriel turned himself to face Aendonys. His bangs fell over the wraps that covered his eyes but a dim white glow shone through. “I told him my secret. Now you tell Micael yours. It doesn’t matter that you wouldn’t do the same to him. He should still know for your sake.”

Aendonys scratched at the stubble that began to grow in on the sides of his scalp. He would ask Micael to shave it for him soon, maybe that would be a good time to talk about his both figurative and literal demon. It wouldn’t be like his fiance would turn the blade on him in that moment...or at least he hoped not. Gabriel did have a point however, keeping this from Micael would only give whatever was left of Bryketh ammunition to torment him. It took him a while to fully admit that, but somehow Gabriel’s bluntness was something he needed at this moment.

“Alright. Bet.” He replied. “...but also I wanted to say that we didn't a day for the ceremony yet. When we do though, you should come. Micael really wants to see more of you, ya know?”

Another moment of silence lingered between them. Gabriel didn’t answer that as the sound of hooves thundered close. He instead walked back to the balcony and rematerialized feathers. The moment another cool breeze passed by, the estranged brother beat his wings. Ribbons of smoke danced and the parchment rattled as he took off like a shadow in the night. Aendonys didn’t even bother to offer a farewell, he knew Gabriel well enough.

The front door opened as Aendonys spied Micael’s golden light. The paladin’s helm gently clinked onto the floor as he sauntered in; the image of pomp and glory himself had arrived with his job done.

“Oho, you’re certainly feeling better lately.” The demon hunter leaned against the hallway with a sultry grin.

“.--and you’re awake early for your late evening nap. A shame...I wanted to surprise you.” Micael passed by Aendonys, swiping his armored fingertips across his chest. He hung his sword upon the wall.

“Yeah, well maybe I couldn’t wait for you to get back?” Aendonys followed after as the paladin unfastened his armor piece by piece.

“Hoh? Do you care about me that much? How endearing.” For a man who wielded holy power Miceal sported a devilish grin. The other Sin’dorei took a seat next to him, he couldn’t witness his partner undressing with his lack of eyesight but he could hear the armor falling unceremoniously to the floor. The spring air brought another brisk breeze through the room as Aendonys ruminated on the dream and Gabriel showing up. He could sense Miceal’s attention being drawn to the corner of the room with the bookshelf. The curtains swaying as they did earlier.

“Aendonys, one of the books is gone from the shelf. The one Gabriel always liked to read.”

The demon hunter turned towards the paladin, he took in a deep breath.

“Micael. I have something to tell you.”

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader -“The Golden Boxers”

The Joker stumbled on the gold boxers by accident and didn't even care for them until he realized they have some kind of strange power over Y/N. What is a man supposed to do with such intoxicating ability? He's going to use it, of course. 

1.  First contact

Gotham’s royal couple is choosing some new clothes for their wardrobe at “Sauvage Coeur”, a very chic boutique belonging to one of The Joker’s business partners. The venue is closed to the public for the night, this way Y/N and her boyfriend can roam around and enjoy the shopping spree.

“What about this shirt, Pumpkin? Do you think this purple shade is too light for my skin tone? Should I get it?” J asks for your opinion, not sure he wants it yet.

“…U-hum…” you reply, completely absent minded.

“OK then, I’ll take it,” he adds the item to the pile in the cart and gazes your way just to see you staring at a mannequin wearing a pair of golden boxers next to the “Intimate Apparel” male section.

You seem totally smitten, almost in a trance.

Y/N grabs some socks from a nearby display table and rolls them in a hurry, stuffing them inside the underwear afterwards.

“Pretty close,” you grin to yourself and The Joker is confused.

“What are you doing, Princess?!”

“This…” you point out towards the plastic model, “…this would look great on you!” the excited girlfriend shouts.

“Hmm…” he huffs, analyzing the skimpy, tight boxers. He takes more socks from the table and shoves them inside the garment, finally pleased on how the crotch appears. “That’s more like it,” J grins, full of confidence. “Size matters, Pumpkin!”

“Oh!” you enthusiastically exclaim because it is actually closer to the truth. Your eyes are so big and you seem so captivated he reads the tag out of pure curiosity:

“One of the kind, made out of 24 karat gold thread. Exclusive for our boutique. Price: 10,000 dollars.”

“I guess I’ll take them,” J lifts his shoulders up because why not?

He loves gold anyway.

2. Discovering the Hidden Powers 

The Joker crawls in bed next to you, resting his chin on your arm.

“What are you reading, Doll?” he pretends to be interested in your magazine.

“Meh, boring things,” you sigh and glare his way, ignoring the fact that he’s naked. Y/N goes back to turning pages while J sulks, not happy about your reaction.

He pulls down on the strap of your lacy nightgown and you pull it back up, kissing his forehead in the process.

“Not tonight, baby. I have a terrible headache.”

“Do ya’?” he squints his eyes, suspicious on the reason. “I must point out that shopping for new clothes tonight got me quite aroused, especially after you tried on those pretty dresses,” he lifts your already short nightgown higher, softly pecking your thigh.  

“Maybe tomorrow, hm? I really do have a terrible headache,” you explain and go back to reading.

The King of Gotham pouts more, his pride hurt after the obvious rejection.  

“Fine!” he growls and rolls out of bed, grabbing the freshly washed boxers waiting on his side of the bed, getting ready to sleep since it’s clear he won’t do anything else this evening. One leg goes in, then the other. The soft fabric hugs his hips and…

“Oh!” you gasp and ogle J as he adjusts his pillows, suddenly paying attention. You scoot over, biting your lip so hard it hurts. “You look really sexy in this,” you walk your fingers on his abs, seductively battering your eyelashes.

“Do I?” he sneers, in a bad mood because you told him no moments ago.

“Yeah…” you gulp and slide on top of him, starting to kiss him in a frenzy.

“I thought you have a headache,” The Joker points out and you don’t even remember uttering the words.

“It’s gone now!” you scream with such determination there is no doubt about it.

Interesting…, your boyfriend has time to think before his Queen goes crazy on him.

Not bad for a woman that just miraculously got rid of a migraine in a few seconds. A true mystery!

3. More Powers

The next morning J is roaming around in his gold boxers, searching for one of his guns. You keep on following him like a lost puppy.

“You need something, Pumpkin?” he frowns, not understanding why you’re acting weird.

“Nope,” you fastly reply, pinching his butt when he bends over to peek under the sofa in the living room.

The Joker kind of jumps, rubbing the sore spot.

“Auch!”

In the two hours since he’s been up, his butt wrapped in the golden fabric got slapped, pinched and groped more than humanly possible. Not that he doesn’t enjoy the extra attention.  

“Stop it, Y/N! What got into you?” he scoffs, groping you back.

“Nothing,” you innocently answer, playing with your hair.

“I’m going to go take a shower, wanna join me?” he takes the underwear off and you have a change of heart.

“I already took a shower before you woke up, plus my headache returned. I’ll go make coffee, OK?” the Queen loses interest and heads towards the kitchen.

The Joker wants to test a theory building up in his mind and slips into the enchanted underwear again.

“Are you sure, Princess?”

You turn around to say “yes” but your brain can’t focus when you see The Clown Prince of Crime with the glorious flimsy garment.

“Oh!” escapes your mouth and you get rid of your nightgown and bikini so quickly he almost missed it.

You rush in his arms, dragging him towards the master bathroom.

“Come on baby, hurry up. I wanna have some fun too,” you impatiently cling to him and J sarcastically chuckles:

“I thought your headache returned!”

“It’s gone,” you nonchalantly conclude and push him through the opened door, not being able to control the urge of making him yours.

I might be onto something here, J debates before Y/N makes him forget about the newly discovered feature of the magical golden boxers.

4. Booby trap

Frost is waiting for his boss to get ready and The Joker wants a guy’s opinion regarding his hypothesis, that’s why he decides to ask the clueless bodyguard a few questions.

J emerges from the walk-in closet in his underwear, halting a few steps away from Jonny.

“So what do you think Frost?” he grouchily sucks on his silver teeth. 

“About what, sir?” the henchman is not sure what’s going on.

The Joker gestures towards his mid-section and Jonny panics.

Oh my God, a booby trap! What do I say?!  flickers in his brain because when The King of Gotham asks trick questions you better give him the correct answer, otherwise you’re a goner.

“Looks very…e-hem… nice on you, boss!” Frost confidently blurs out.

“How nice?”

Shit! This is a Mega Booby Trap! Jonny thinks and starts sweating. Slightly, but he’s starting to. Why?

The Joker’s Mega Booby Traps or MBT’s (as the crew named them) are very dangerous to get out of and lethal to a fault.

“Very nice, sir! Gold suits you.”

“Hmmm…” J sneers, not particularly thrilled with his bodyguard’s reply. “If you were a woman, for example Y/N, would you go ballistic at the sight of these boxers?”

Fuck! An Extra Mega Booby Trap !!! I’m screwed ! Frost loses the track of his thoughts, seeing the imminent end galloping his way. Why?

The Joker’s Extra Mega Booby Traps or EMBT’s (as the team named them) are the hardest to escape with your life: if the boss doesn’t like the first letter of the first word coming out of your mouth, you can kiss your existence goodbye.

Jonny takes a deep breath, already picturing his funeral:

“Only a sophisticated and refined woman like Y/N would know, sir!”

J puckers his lips, deeming the response to be acceptable for his wacky standards.

“I supposed she would…” the green haired plague announces before walking back into the closet.

Frost feels the need to sit down, entirely drained after the experience.

He has no idea yet, but after today he will become a legend among his peers: the first one to ever survive The Joker’s horrific EMBT. They will even open a blog in his honor, entitled: “Jonny Frost, The Unsung Champion of EMBT’s and Other Crap He Survived.”

5.  Karma

The King and Queen returned to “Sauvage Coeur” boutique because they both want to choose something special for their date night.

You didn’t find a dress yet.

“What about this red one, baby?” you inquire, maybe he can help out with a decision.

“…Yeah…,” J’s flat opinion reaches your ears.

“Alright, I’ll take it,” you conclude and gaze his way just to see him standing in front of a mannequin dressed with a gold bra plus matching thong next to the women’s “Intimate Apparel” section.

The Joker seems hypnotized, almost in a daze.

He finally snaps out of it and grabs a few socks from the display table nearby, rolling and stuffing them in the bra.

“Close enough,” J smiles, incapable of taking his eyes off the golden top and bottom.

“What are you doing?!” you skeptically interrogate.

“This would look awesome on you!” he purrs, already imagining you wearing the two-piece he would love to take off your body as soon as possible.

“I don’t know…” Y/N hesitates but rolls more socks that she places in the bra, backing out to see the results. “That’s more like it. Size matters, J !”  

“Daddy loves,” The Joker purrs louder and he’s so excited it makes you read the tag although you don’t care for the outfit:

“One of the kind, made out of 24 karat gold thread. Exclusive for our boutique. Price: 12,000 dollars.”

“I suppose it won’t hurt to add this to my wardrobe,” you accept to get it because why not?

You like gold anyway.

6. Flip side of the coin

The Joker didn’t pay attention to you after the date last night. He locked himself in the office all day and ordered not to be disturbed since he’s planning an important heist. You sure missed him and you realized how much the second he showed up to go to sleep; your boyfriend seems pissed and that makes him more delicious.

“Hi baby,” you shove yourself into him and kiss his neck, cuddling under the covers.

“Not tonight, Y/N! I’m tired!” he growls and pushes your hand away.

He hears you whimper, the spoiled Princess kind of fake cry.

“But you didn’t pay attention to me since this morning,” you complain and slide your fingers in his sweatpants.

“I’m tired, woman! Are you deaf?!” he snaps, ready to give you the speech about his manhood and how the crown jewelry works on his terms, not yours. He will definitely underline that there’s nothing you can do: when the King says no, it’s no. “I told you before, Y/N…” he initiates the rant and you try to avoid it.

“Fine, fine, I get it! OK? Fine!” you get annoyed also and dart out of bed. “If you must know, I went through the trouble of washing the stupid gold bra and panties for you. Almost broke a nail when I started the washing machine. A nail !!! Can you imagine the scare?!” the irritated Y/N mumbles, letting the silky robe she’s wearing fall on the floor. “My heart skipped a beat, J! It was terrible and you were in your office, not given a damn!” you continue to admonish, unaware The Joker’s heart skipped a beat also since now he can see the revealing gold two-piece acquired from the boutique yesterday.

“Which nail?” J suddenly pretends to be interested since he pretty much distinguished only that part; the rest went blank.

You lean over to show him your pinky, sulking.

“This one.”

“My Poor Pumpkin,” The Clown Prince of Crime whispers, carefully squeezing it like it’s about to explode. “Does it hurt?” he displays a seductive smirk as he pulls you on top of him.

“Not anymore…I thought you were tired,” you wiggle to escape when his arms go up and down your back, certainly wishing to initiate something.

“Me?! Tired?! When did I say that?” he grinds his teeth, forcefully holding the feisty pain in the ass.

“Just did!” you squirm harder, breaking free and distancing yourself from him.

“You must be hallucinating, Y/N,” The Joker gets on his elbow, intrigued.

You’re intrigued too: all the wrestling made his sweatpants glide lower on his hips, exposing the top part of the golden boxers.

“Oh!” you gasp and your reaction makes J remember he’s wearing the secret weapon. With a swift move he removes the pants and he’s not even finished when you basically attack him.

I think I possess a weapon of mass destruction, The Joker contemplates before not being able to concentrate anymore.

I think I found a weapon for total annihilation, Y/N reflects since her vigilance noticed the switch in her boyfriend’s mood as soon as he saw her in the golden minimal attire. Further testing will be required.

7. Another booby trap

You summoned Frost to the Penthouse, probably in regards to the heist J is planning. A fool’s expectations…Not even close!

Jonny steps out of the elevator and freezes: Y/N is waiting for him, wearing nothing more than the golden two piece. Frost immediately feels he’s about to faint, his eyes tensely searching around for the deadly threat.

“J is not here,” you correctly guess the reason for his anxiety.  

Jonny leans on the coffee table closest to him, avoiding looking at you but it’s hard not to.

“Frost!” you sulk. “As a man, what do you think about this outfit, hm?”

OH. MY. GOD! Another Booby Trap!!! Why me??? the bodyguard is on the verge of a nervous  breakdown, imagining how cute he’s going to look in his silver casket. Already picked the color. Why?

Y/N’s Booby Traps are by far the most atrocious you can come across besides The Joker’s.

“Ummm… It looks stunning on you, Y/N!” Jonny stiffens and his luck has left him.

“How stunning?” you lift your left eyebrow in contempt, displeased with the short reply.

Fuck me, a Colossal Booby Trap!!! runs through his mind, believing the cemetery on Gimmer Street has the best tombs available. Why?

Y/N’s Colossal Booby Traps or CBT’s (as the team named them) are plain and simple death sentences: one single sound that comes out of you wrong and you’re history.

“Impressively stunning, gold is your color for sure!” Jonny affirms with the utmost flair.

The Queen sniffles, meditating on his answer.

“So Frost, if you were J, would you immediately want me no matter what right in the moment you see this skimpy lingerie?”

Lord have mercy, a Gigantic Booby Trap!!! and the room starts spinning as he hopes somebody will bring flowers to his grave. Why?

Y/N’s Gigantic Booby Traps or GBT’s (as the gang named them) offer no possibility of an escape: if you make it to round three like he did, you’re literally dead.

“Only a person with amazing swag and class like Mister Joker would know,” Jonny babbles a bunch of nonsense since he reached the end of the line.

You roll your eyes and arrogantly push him out of your way, scoffing:

“Hmm… I suppose he would!”

Frost watches you walk upstairs, his heart racing like crazy.

He has no idea yet, but after today he will become more than a legend among his peers: a living and breathing myth! The first one to ever survive Y/N’s horrific GBT! They will even open a second blog in his honor, entitled: “Jonny Frost, The Ultimate Victor of GBT’s and Other Shit He Survived.”

Gotham’s true hero! Batsy has nothing on him. 

And that’s a verified fact.

Also read: Masterlist 

http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

[emmelfish]

‘After woohoo, I like to celebrate with a long hike to ponder the fact that my wife being pregnant means it’ll be a while before we can have more babies.’

Pfft, keep dreaming John. Like that want about playing for tips, nice try – you have zero creativity points. Stick to wanting to praise Tabby, becoming besties with Lucy, and befriending Darren. Also if it’s so hot maybe you should take off your outerwear when you get inside?

FACK

John: What’s the best thing about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes!

Jen: These interactions ALWAYS result in one of us walking away with minus points, why would you think this one would be any different? Anyway, come look at this, you’ll like this.

Jen: LOOK! He’s watching sports on TV like he’s people!

John: Oh that’s adorable! Hey speaking of sports, how is woohoo like a game of bridge?

Jen: *screams internally*

Finally, Jen gets to hang out with some intelligent lifeforms.

Jen: Alright. ‘Examine the lives of the best and the most fruitful sim and sims and ask yourself whether a tree which is supposed to grow to a proud height could do without bad weather and storms: whether misfortune and external resistance, whether any kinds of hatred, jealousy, stubbornness, mistrust, hardness, greed and violence do not belong to the favorable conditions without which any great growth even of virtue is scarcely possible?’

Tabby: Screw this.

Jen: ‘The poison from which the weaker nature perishes strengthens the strong sim – and he does not call it poison.’

John: My wife! I am so proud of you for reading to our child and furchildren and yet-to-be-born children AND getting a golden ticket to My Muse from the spiky-haired man because of your musical talent.

(Hey it’s Justin Kim again! Wonder if he’s come searching for his Hot Tub Time Machine mom.) 

Justin: I’m a child and even I know that if you jump on her like that it’s not good for your yet-to-be-born children.

Pop

Jen: The hell is this?

John: You said you wanted new clothes. 

Jen: But blue is so not my color.

John: But darling, now you match my shorts! 🎵Off to tend to my peppers I shall go...

Glitches

John: 🎵 With a broken arm, yes oh-ee-oh

Another day, another dollar simoleon...

Jen: TUCKER II! You lucrative little furball, thank you so much for pulling your weight while Mommy is carrying so much of it and thus can’t work herself, all thanks to that great big tit I’m married to.

John: What’s that?

Jen: I said is that the Greater Blue-Tit you’ve spotted there dear?

John: I think it is!

Jen: YAY I am so proud of you!

John: Me too!

John: Unff

I’m sorry, I can’t suspend my disbelief with this game any longer because Lucy IS the classmate that saw the rated R movie, and would be the one describing boobies and butts and bloody violence to the innocent child this chance card was actually meant for. So I picked Ignore, because a) no, and b) chance cards are bullshit, they have a 99.999999999999% chance of undoing all your good work in any scenario.

Oh looky who it is! Everyone’s favorite Desiderata resident. And, three nanoseconds of a chat with Jen results in Jen’s crumpled face of confusion and Natasha’s hatred thought bubble. Shame, really.

I’ve noticed the community tends to call her Nat, but all the Natashas I’ve known in my life (all two of them) go for Tash or Tasha. I’m torn. I’ll tell you what I’m NOT torn on. Her exquisite grilled cheese dress by the exquisite @strangetomato, amirite? 🧀

GO TABS!

Good: Tabby promoted Good: Smart investing Bad: Justin falling out with Lucy, probably because he was the kid the chance card was meant for and she was traumatizing him with talk of blood and boobies. I’m not gonna lose sleep over it, he’s all the way out in Viper Canyon so it wasn’t like they were gonna be besties in childhood. Maybe at college or something.

This family, I swear. They’re like the sim embodiment of Bender’s ‘impression of life at big Bri’s house’ in The Breakfast Club.

That’s if, uh, Bri’s parents constantly make sexually-charged advances toward one another. 

Meanwhile, dat text doe! Brandi Broke Hair Hour is upon us.

Jen: Sweetie I’ve found myself wearing something I wouldn’t choose even if it were the last garment on the planet and I’m scared.

Lucy: It’s okay Mom, if I’ve lost all respect for you it’s primarily because I’m on the precipice of puberty and that’s what’s supposed to happen.

John: The heck is this? I’m the Family sim here. You can’t have it both ways.

John: THAT’S more like it. Hai little bestie!

Lucy: Hai Dad! Why are all these people in our house?

John: Oh, well Brandi Broke was on a walkby so I wanted to paint a picture of what your hair will look like tomorrow so that you’re prepared. And I got one of those annoying messages about whether I’d been abducted by aliens from Darren even though I spoke to him yesterday, so I felt guilty.

Meanwhile, Jennifer stares longingly at her guitar and gets all introspective about this five-minute lack of romance in her life, exacerbated by Brandi heartfarting at Darren. That Family/Knowledge attraction, it never fails. And yet, somehow I can’t see Dustin and Dirk as stepbrothers, but we need to find Brandi someone soon as she needs to up her brood to six for that stupid LTW about marrying off multiple kids. WHAT IF UNBORN BABYBROKE ISN’T THE MARRYING KIND, Brandi, ever think of that?!

(Makes mental note to create drahmz by making Unborn Babybroke a Romance sim who constantly disappoints its mother)

Jen: Oh that DOES it. You lot might be able to sit around waiting for these babies to fall out of me but I have to DO something.

Brandi you utter utter terrible stupid moron you are PENNILESS WHY are you tipping Jen all those simoleons 😱

Lucy meanwhile stares at her father and tries to picture Brandi’s hair on his face in a vain attempt to glimpse into her near future.

And yet... are these two meant to be though? The synchronized terrible dancing and constant thoughts of one another may be a sign. That said, Dina Caliente does that with Darren too and, much as I love Darren and Dina as individuals, the thought of that is so godawfully wrong that I always have to direct sims to speak with each of them separately in an attempt to stop them autonomously eating one another’s faces whenever they always show up in the same GD welcome wagon. #StopDinarren #SaveTheDreamers #ACRYouMonster

Lucy manages to alienate yet another boy from districts afar (like does her schoolbus refuel in Viper Canyon or something?) by saying things about art or theater that offend Gallagher Newson so deeply, he launches a tirade of vitriolic mansplaining at her while she checks her nails, unfazed. Atta girl. 

Brandi: I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...

Best not look outside then Bran.

Tabby: Huh? Yeah? You want some o’ this? Come at me bro!

Tabby: Oh you think I can’t take you? Think again assclown, I’m a stunt double now, I eat fear FOR BREAKFAST.

And so the thrill ride begins. Lucy’s face is that unique mixture of anxiety and resignation that plainly says, ‘Well, my reign is at an end. It’s been real, friends.’

I love Tucker II, but the fact that he chooses THIS moment to act out for the first time in his life and start destroying the furniture is far from cool. Clearly he too is worried about upcoming changes in the pack hierarchy.

Stone cold Tabs meanwhile favors staying outside in the rain and having no part in any of this.

Tabby: 🎵 Hello darkness my old friend...

Urgh

IS NOOBOO TIME!

Spoiler alert: this nooboo actually ends up with blue eyes because I quit without saving to roll the pacifier a couple times, which is sad because neither nooboo has black hair now. But we’ll survive. Somehow. I just liked this snap.

When both your dog and your seconds-old nooboo are thinking about Brandi, it’s probably time for her to leave the house. But she won’t, because she’s a Family sim who subscribes to the stereotype of only caring about other people’s children. And pets.

3 days off? Pahaha. I don’t even have any hacks installed to share parental leave (I really should), and Jen was somehow still back at work the next day.

Poor Babygirl Burb (not her permanent name) isn’t getting a great start in life considering everybody’s just yelling about Babyboy Burb and not even acknowledging her. Well, except Jen, who hasn’t yet put her down. See that, Family sims?! That’s how to do it.

Case in point.

Brandi: Congrats!

John: Oh yeah, the nooboos? Great aren’t they. I’m sure I dropped The Boy around here somewhere.

The Boy: And my suffering beginneth...

John: The Boy! Ah, The Boy. There you are. The Boy.

(If you can’t already tell, John will be saying ‘The Boy’ in the same relieved and happy voice as the dad from 8 Simple Rules for the rest of his natural life, primarily because both of his daughters are genetically engineered to make his hair grey.)

Hey Brandi, ever feel like you’re intruding on an intimate family moment?

Brandi: Nup!

Lucy: I just can’t picture it ON me...

Brandi: Kid, what is it with you and my hair?

John: I’VE LOST THE BOY AGAIN

Lucy: Haha, my parents can be so incompetent sometimes.

Lucy: Actually... where are my parents?

Well Lucy, get ready to upscale that judgment of incompetence because...

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. John’s face. John’s face right there. Is the most smackable face I’ve ever seen.

Not only did Jennifer Burb give birth TO TWINS less than five minutes ago...

... but they unceremoniously dumped both twins in the Bouncinators, and they’re now screaming.

To which, their creators remain oblivious. There are some pretty terrible parents out there in the Sims universe BUT THESE TWO ARE HOT ON THEIR HEELS right now.

Hey, while these poor minutes-old creatures are stuck screaming in their Bouncinators while John presumably tries to create more problems for the family with his testicles, why don’t we meet them?

This is not at all named solely to give Alexander Goth a younger wife one day Cecilia! You can’t see them here because they’re squeezed shut in agony and anguish, but her eyes are deep blue, presumably from her grandfather Jeff Pleasant. Perhaps upon looking at her, her uncle Daniel will be overcome with the guilt referenced in his bio and try to send her to Mars.

And here’s Patrick! With his skintone plus the brown eyes and brown hair, he’s probably destined to be a John / Lucy clone, but we shall see. Let’s get one thing straight though (or should I say curly), when these anklebiters transition they are both leaping right into Jennifer Burb tousled waves territory.

Lucy: WHAT DO I DO

Don’t worry Lucy, we’ll pause this one here as it’s already been far too long a round and no doubt everyone involved is tired as hell.

Until next time!

[youngandhungryent]

Lil Nas X Exposed Our Own Hypocrisy With “Montero” Video, Y’all Are Just Mad He’s Unapologetically Gay

Source: YouTube / Youtube

Lil Nas X wanted to test just how tolerant and welcoming some of y’all really are when it comes to treating people equally. So, the 21-year-old, gay Black man celebrated his sexuality and put our boundaries to the test with his video for “Montero (Call Me By Your Name).”

And some of you truly showed your whole entire ass by expressing your outrage on social media due to the imagery in the video.

But more on that later.

“What Montero Lamar Hill was showing you is that he isn’t afraid of the hell that some of you have already put him in for being gay.”

And it wasn’t necessarily what was in the video but who was behind those “provocative” and “evil” images.

To be Black is one thing that this country is still trying to accept.

To be Black and gay is something different altogether that we haven’t come to grips with yet. Not just as a country, but also as a community.

What Montero Lamar Hill was showing you is that he isn’t afraid of the hell that some of you have already put him in for being gay. The one that goes beyond color lines and castigates those who commit the sin of loving those of the same sex. As if that sin is any more significant than say; adultery, telling a lie or the various other transgressions that we tend to commit daily but choose to interpret as if one is bigger than the other.

There is no ranking system.

But I digress. This isn’t just about religion. This is about hypocrisy and being exposed by a young man who truly has done nobody any harm by choosing to be himself.

“i spent my entire teenage years hating myself because of the s–t y’all preached would happen to me because i was gay,” Lil Nas X tweeted on March 27. “So i hope u are mad, stay mad, feel the same anger you teach us to have towards ourselves.”

i spent my entire teenage years hating myself because of the shit y’all preached would happen to me because i was gay. so i hope u are mad, stay mad, feel the same anger you teach us to have towards ourselves.

— nope

(@LilNasX) March 27, 2021

It was eye-opening to see so many people who allege they want equality for people of color blatantly lack the same tact when approaching Nas X’s message in the video. Apparently, giving satan a lap dance as performative art is a little too much for some of you. Although there have been far, far worse things done to women in rap videos with barely bat an eyelash.

Be equal in your outrage, if that’s what you choose to do.

Otherwise, your silence on the matter is golden.

And then there’s the hypocrisy of those who said that Lil Nas X made music for children. No, he didn’t. Children just happened to like a song that spent nineteen weeks atop the US Billboard Hot 100 chart. It was inevitable. “Old Town Road” was catchy as hell. But it was never intended for children. Like Too Short’s “Blow the Whistle” wasn’t made for the kids but rest assured that teenagers were absolutely shouting “Bitch” because that’s Short’s favorite word.

“Riding on a tractor/Lean all in my bladder/Cheated on my baby/You can go and ask her/My life is a movie/Bull riding and boobies,” Nas X said on the song.

i literally sing about lean & adultery in old town road. u decided to let your child listen. blame yourself. https://t.co/gYmTi49BqB

— nope

(@LilNasX) March 29, 2021

Nope. Definitely not for the children. Like R-rated movies that you shouldn’t have been watching but definitely did growing up. It’s okay. Just be consistent with your outrage.

To double down on the hypocrisy, an outpouring of people were offended by the imagery in the video. They shouted down the “evil,” “satanic” and “demonic” visuals as Lil Nas X was blocked from heaven due to his sexuality and ends up seducing Satan before murdering him and taking his place as the king of the netherworld.

And if this is coming from the 30+ crowd, how dare you? Like you weren’t playing Bone Thugs N Harmony at ignorant levels as they rhymed catchy tunes such as “Mr. Oujja” and “Mo’ Murda.” Big L was “rollin’ with Satan, not Jesus Christ” as the “Devil’s Son.”

Maybe you attribute it to “growing up.” But you probably didn’t.

What did you have to say about Three 6 Mafia? Their name was the mark of the gotdamn beast for Christ’s sake! That didn’t stop anyone from bumping “Still Fly,” did it? To keep it current, Tyler, the Creator’s Goblin album was full of satanic references, wasn’t it?

I mean, when Nas was 12 he went to hell for snuffin’ Jesus. That’s about as blasphemous as you can get. Yet, none of y’all said anything. But, oh, when a gay man goes down that path—not even lyrically, but artistically in a video—it’s different, right?

How absurd.

To be clear, if you were offended by Gravediggaz, Bone Thugs N Harmony, Brutha Lynch Hung and any of the aforementioned artists and have kept that energy throughout, this column isn’t for you. However, if you aim to exile Lil Nas X because of his sexuality and how he expresses himself artistically in the “Montero” video, this is absolutely for you. You don’t have to like the song. Hell, you don’t have to agree with what he says. But you need to respect it. Just like you ask people to respect #BlackLivesMatter and wanted to be recognized and accepted for our cultural differences.

Black queer people have suffered exclusion and both physical and psychological violence for years courtesy of the church doctrines that have caused internal conflict in our community. But Lil Nas X won’t tolerate your rampant homophobia and doublespeak of being an ally in the struggle.

He refuses to allow his struggle to be ignored.

And those sneakers that everyone is up in arms about? Here’s the perfect response by Mega Ran:

….But Nike didn’t sue the same company for these shoes, that are selling right now for $5000 on StockX. Hmm. https://t.co/91NdJd02jF

— BLACK MATERIA REMAKE (@MegaRan) March 30, 2021

As Black Monday’s Yassir Lester so eloquently put it on: “People are mad that Nas X is gay. The end.”

The Lil Nas X hate is rooted in homophobia and that’s it. Full stop. There’s literally a group called Three 6 Mafia. Bone Thugs N Harmony had demonic skits on their album. DMX played with satanic imagery and lyrics (also with prayers). People are mad that Nas X is gay. The end.

— Yassir Lester (@yassir_lester) March 29, 2021

Word.

window.addEventListener('interaction', function () { setTimeout(function () { var s = document.createElement('script'), el = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[ 0 ]; s.async = true; s.src = 'https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js'; el.parentNode.insertBefore(s, el); }, 1000) }); source https://hiphopwired.com/962417/lil-nas-x-exposed-our-hypocrisy-with-montero-video-you-are-really-just-mad-hes-unapologetically-gay/

[noisywombatnightmare]

Lara Croft Tomb Raider Slot Machine For Sale

Lara Croft Tomb Raider Legend

Lara Croft Tomb Raider Slot Machine For Sale By Owner

Lara Croft Tomb Raider Walkthrough

Tomb Raider brings the ever-popular character of Lara Croft to life on the reels and immerses you in a story that not only features all the action and adventure you can handle, but big wins, too. Created by Microgaming, this online slot is fast, fierce and filled with fun, and it perfectly captures the essence of the heroine who has been.

The story began in 1996 when Eidos Interactive released the Tomb Raider video game, and the runaway success gave rise to sequels that have sold over 75 million copies the world over. It is now considered a pioneer of the action-adventure category.

The protagonist, Lara Croft, is an eye-catching character, with her signature, long pony-tailed brown hair and piercing eyes. She is the stuff of every young boys’ fantasy. She’s graced with an exceptional pedigree, as the only child of a noble family. Standing at just 1.6m (5ft 6″), her elegance, brilliance (Asian Archaeology student), tough as nails persona and courage would make her seem more like 12ft in stature.

The world is her oyster, and she’s travelled it in search of lost artefacts. It’s not easy as she must solve puzzles, fight enemies (sometimes supernatural) and navigate booby traps.

In 2004, Software provider Microgaming partnered with Eidos Interactive, since renamed Square Enix Europe, to produce Lara Croft Tomb Raider. It was followed by Tomb Raider Secret of the Sword in 2008. After a dry spell, it wasn’t until 2019 that we got Lara Croft Temples and Tombs slot.

Lara Croft Tomb Raider Legend

This latest slot game, captures the bad-ass Lara Croft persona of the video slot, as you can see from the illustrations of the four top-paying symbols. She doesn’t shy away from pointing her pistols or riding a motorbike when the scenario calls for it. The slot captures the video game heroine to a tee, complete with her iconic calf-high boots, turquoise tank top and brown shorts.

To the joy of nostalgic video gamers like myself, you can even find Lara Croft voice-overs when the situation calls for it.

The game is played on a 5×5 (reels x rows) grid and on 243 ways to win, showing it has come a long way from the 15 paylines of the original slot.

As you’d expect, Lara’s adventure takes her to the exotic location of an ancient Egyptian temple in search of the golden tomb. As you would surmise, it won’t be easy as she must navigate the obstacles and puzzles. Formidable supernatural forces may also be out to stop her as the ancient Egyptians believed that the gods Set and Sobek stood guard over the tomb.

The slot comes with the golden scarab wild, appearing on reels 2-4, and a scatter symbol (Lara’s notebook) used to trigger free spins. Interestingly, in Shadow of the Tomb Raider video game, Lara’s notebook was an artefact collection.

There are three features in the video slot including Rolling Reels with Multiplier Trail, free spins and the Golden Scarab Jackpot (5,000x bet max jackpot). The Rolling Reels is a Microgaming feature where winning symbols explode and new symbols ‘roll’ down to replace them. The round does not end until the end of the rolls. Each consecutive roll increases a win multiplier (Multiplier Trail) up to 5x in the base game and up to 15x during free spins, of which you can unlock 8-32.

As with the video game, the prize is always waiting at the end, and if you can trigger the jackpot game, then it’s your chance to win one of three pots: Minor (15x bet), Major (100x bet) or Grand (5,000x bet).

The slot Lara Croft Temples and Tombs is one hell of a ride. Hold on tight as, “The line between our myths and truth is fragile and blurry.”

Tomb Raider has been both a popular series of video games, as well as a really popular movie franchise. What many don't know though is that it's also a really good online slot machine! On this page about Tomb Raider, we'll tell you everything you need to know, so you can decide if this slot is perfect for you.

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It would be a lie to say that Tomb Raider is one of Microgaming's latest slots, as it has actually been around for quite a number of years. Despite the dated graphics, this slot has managed to remain a firm favorite with online slots players though, and this is for two reasons: the exceptionally enjoyable gameplay and the huge prizes.

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If you're looking for fun and action on every spin, the Tomb Raider online slot should be perfect.

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The jackpot is worth 7,500x your payline bet

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Tomb Raider keeps things simple by not having an excessive number of different paylines. Instead, the maximum number of paylines at this slot is just 15 - far fewer than many other video slots nowadays. You can even choose to lower the number of paylines, and some will even play with just a single payline active. You can also easily change your bet amount.

Lara Croft Tomb Raider Walkthrough

The gameplay of this slot is also made very easy thanks to the simple buttons found below the reels, which allow you to quickly adjust your bet and paylines. Clicking on the 'Expert' tab will also allow you to use the autoplay feature, which is great for those looking to play for a longer period of time.

[animation-recaps-by-sean]

Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie Review

The classic nicktoon returns for closer and new beginnings. Arnold returns to find his long lost parents while Helga confronts her feelings. I spent a week writing this. Spoilers below. 

One of my favorite shows as a kid was Hey Arnold. I loved the lived in city and the bizarre cast of characters. Fans, like myself, have been waiting for years for the answer for what happened to Arnold parents. Now, after 13 years of waiting Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie has been released. The Jungle Movie has a tough order of being a grand finale for the old series while  being a backdoor pilot for any new series while introducing the characters to a new generation. While I’m writing for the perspective of an older fan who watched Hey Arnold as a kid, I’m pleased to say Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie succeeds in all of these.

The episode begins with Arnold dreaming about exploring the jungle while looking for his parents. This scene helps provides a nice exciting opening, establishing both Arnold’s state of mind and the central conflict of the story, and serves as a call back to Arnold’s daydreaming tendencies back in season one.

Big Bob still sales beepers, which Helga points out are obsolete in the face of easy availability smartphones. They even gave Phoebe an awkward line of dialogue explain what beepers even are because Nick’s target audience properly never heard of them. This only leads to questions about the time scales of this universe, but whatever. Maybe The Flash broke hypertime again. Helga bumps into Arnold that leads to the cute nod to the opening.

Mr. Simmons announces that there is a contest for a summer trip to San Lorenzo. The same country Arnold’s parents mysteriously disappeared. That’s… convenient. Arnold and Gerald decide to build a house for Monkey Man and film it. Unfortunately, a bunch of homeless people come out and rip the house down.

Arnold walks around thinking of his lost parents. It’s a nice quiet scene, and I forgot that Hey Arnold did these so well. It gets to the point where Helga nearly talks about her feelings. But she’s interrupted by Abner’s need to poop. But she gets the idea to use all the creepier videos she made of Arnold to make a video of what a good person he is.

Also, Helga and her family spend the entire movie at the beeper emporium, so either Big Bob is forcing everyone to stay there to help out or the store is doing so poorly, Bob had to sell the house.

The girls get Gerald involved. While Helga tries to explain why she has labeled footage of Arnold, he and Phoebe exchanges knowing looks. Oh my God he knows. I wonder if everyone knows. Helga’s not exactly quite. So the whole class work late into the night, making the video, and there is a really cute scene where Gerald and Pheobe blow on their drinks at the same time.  

So Arnold goes to the roof, only to be greeted by the whole neighborhood. The video is a documentary of Arnold’s past adventures. This scene does a good job of being a nostalgic reminder for old fans while introducing these characters to new viewers. They win the contest, even though the deadline passed… odd.

So, the class, sans Lila and Sheena, goes to San Lorenzo. Arnold signs his passport with his name Arnold Shortman. That would have been much more satisfying if Craig Bartlett didn’t reveal this years ago and used in every Hey Arnold fan fiction since then. Olga joins as a student teacher, Bob giving Helga beepers to sell in the jungle, and Arnold’s grandparents smuggle Abner onto the plane. The captain of the boat is Arnold lost parents friend Eduardo is the boat captain. More odd things…

I want to take a moment to point out how well the side characters are used. Each is given a moment to shine, had some funny moments but they don’t detract from the main plot.

Eduardo and Arnold form a bond. Eduardo gives Arnold a medallion of the green eyes with growls when Arnold touches it. Eduardo tells Arnold that he will help him look for his parents, but not to tell anyone else. Arnold is reluctant, but Eduardo is an adult and it’s okay if an adult says so…

Gerald senses something’s up but Arnold won’t talk about it. Arnold feels terrible about. As he is stewing in his thoughts, Helga thinks this might be a good time to talk about their feelings for each other. Before she can get to far, the boat is attacked by pirates. San Lorenzo must have really strict gun control laws because everyone’s fighting machetes. Helga’s too wrapped up in her head to notice as she rips up Arnold’s picture and tosses her locket into the river. Brainy, now sporting a wispy mustache, jumps in to get it. Abner jumps in the river and swims and runs all the way back to the city!

Eduardo drives the boat into the rapids, crashing the boat in the process. On land, he just throws Arnold under the bus and tells everyone the pirates are after Arnold. After, trekking through the jungle, in which Sid’s precious beetle boots are destroyed.  They make it to the sanctuary, which is actually a prison. Turns out that Eduardo is famous river pirate, Lasombra. Rhonda is more worried about the Wi-Fi, which oddly enough, they do, but Lasombra is not telling her the password. She shouts, “You Monster!” Which is the password. Properly my favorite joke of the movie.

Mr. Simmons goes crazy almost instantly, so Phoebe formulates an escape plan, sense everyone escaping will draw too much attention, Arnold, Gerald, and Helga will sneak out for help. Brainy returns Helga locket, which earns him a kiss. Olga distracts the guards with fake screams as Curly rides her. But her screams become more real the longer it goes on.

The trio escape with Helga beating a guard with a stapler and Nadine attacking another guard with spiders. Yeah, she did something, good for you Nadine. So Arnold, Gerald and Helga  go search for the green eye people with Arnold’s parents’ map. Or, you know, you could go back to the city and get the police. Nope, magic tribe that might not be alive anymore it is than.

Lasombra realizes that Arnold escaped like right away. He chides his henchman for either falling asleep or being beaten up by children, but it was part of his plan. He put a tracker on the talisman. When Lasombra leaves Phoebe uses Rhonda’s phone and the beepers to send a signal to Bob. At that moment, Abner makes his way back to the boarding house and tells the Grandma about what happened because she can talks to pigs I guess. The Shortmans and the Patakis team up to fly to San Lorenzo.

The talisman reveals a hidden part of his father’s map. How Gravity Falls. So, did the green eyes give him a special ink that only reveals it in the magic talisman? Like how does it work? Did the talisman work for his dad? Did he have it? How did Lasombra get it? They find the lost city, and there is only children. How children of the corn. Meanwhile, Lasombra follows Arnold, sacrificing his men to booby traps. It’s a funny scene, what are you gonna do if you are attacked by guards. We, the audience knows it’s just kids, but Lasombra doesn’t know that.

Meanwhile Arnold trying to talk to the green eyes about his parents but none of them know English. They led him to some device with the gold corazon in it. Lasombra pops up grabs Arnold and the corazon. Helga and Gerald follow after Lasombra crossed a rope bridge, but he cuts it, leave them hanging for their lives. Arnold uses the talisman to open up the corazon, but when lasombra pushes Arnold out of the way, it shoots out a poison dart. Lasombra falls of the cliff.

Arnold goes to get Helga and Gerald but he falls too. As the three are hanging on, Arnold and Helga locks eyes. Before they fall, the real Eduardo pulls them up. But Lasombra, clearly dying of poison, claims up the rock face and attacks everyone with the poison dart that hit him. After a struggle, in which helga throws a bag over his head and punches him in the face. The corazon falls over during the fight. He grabs Arnold but the poison overcomes him and Lasombra falls over.

When they return to the city, they find Arnold parents in a coma from the sleeping sickness. They look incredibly well shaved and healthy for being in a coma for a decade. The green eyes kids must be really good at taking care of comatose people. They realize that the cure is in a device that would spread across the ancient city with the golden heart activating it. As luck would have it Helga has a golden heart, but she doesn’t think it’s very pure. Arnold tells her he think it is. Oh my feelings. The locket does work and the adults awake. Arnold parents do not seem that confused to be looking at their suddenly preteen son. As everyone celebrates, Helga sneaks back to get her locket back. Arnold goes and tells her that he knows she tried to tell him earlier, but he didn’t get. She loves him. It’s not your fault Arnold, that scene from the first movie was poorly placed in the story and didn’t fit in that narrative.

Arnold stands and waits for Helga to kiss him, because his too short to reach her. Helga bends down for a kiss, that Gerald, and Arnold’s parents catch them. It’s a sweet moment, and a perfect collimation of their romance.

Later, Arnold wakes up, worried that it was just a dream. He gets down stairs and find Grandpa fighting with the boarders, only for his parents to come out with breakfast. They ask Arnold is he want to hang but it’s the first day of school. He and Gerald meet up with Helga and Phoebe. Gerald and Phoebe hold hands. Arnold takes Helga’s hand much to her pleasure, but she brushes off, asking if she said he could touch her. Classic Helga.

Arnold’s parents decide to walk him to school and will be there when he gets out. Its a nice mirror shot of Arnold’s dream at the beginning.

This was a great experience as a classic Hey Arnold fan. The ending did feel rush. Like nothing came of Helga’s parents and Arnold’s grandparents going down San Lorenzo once they help free the classmates. And Arnold’s parents are really well adjusted for people waking up out of a coma.

But the script is funny and well balanced. The movie captures that classic Arnold feeling with moments for fans favorite characters. The voices are great with the new voice actors capturing the old voices perfectly while the old slip back in the roles great. I give Hey Arnold the Jungle Movie 3 ½ out 4.

[isakthedragon]

Super Sonic Thieves Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - When in Rome...

The Set Up:

Sly, narrating: “The Thievius Raccoonus warned us that another Cooper had been lost, this one being Augustine Cooper. Somehow, he was the inventor of being able to defy gravity, staying in the air for days at a time with no effort. Of course, as a Cooper, he used it to rob people at his leisure, especially the kings and guardsmen. To others, his gift seemed to be a gift of the gods, but actually… well, no one knows, and he was very secretive about it in the book too. In any case, it seems that Eggman has captured Augustus for his own nefarious plots, and it looks like we are going to have to go rescue him.”

*The camera pans among some marble columns, until it stops on a few that get chiseled out to say the title: ‘ When in Rome ’.*

-----

Hub Layout:

Sly and the gang have made their hideout in the smaller homes of the poor side of Rome. In the center of town is the famous Colosseum. Surrounding it are the large palaces, then the marketplaces and the smaller homes. A large mountain stands to the far North, home to ‘Mt Olympus, and to the far South is a deep chasm the locals have referred to as ‘The Underworld’.

Enemies:

Goats: Guards on the lookout for sneaky thieves. If they spot you, expect horns in your backside with a fast charge. Carries/drops 12-14 coins and has 10% chance of treasure to pickpocket.

Wolves: Grey wolves on the prowl for thieves. Be wary of provoking them, as they will bite and scratch endlessly and chase after you. Carries/drops 16-18 coins and has 25% chance of treasure to pickpocket.

Lions: Big cats with an even bigger bite. They will seriously make an attempt to keep on your tail to maul you, so get them quick. Carries/drops 16-21 coins and has 50% chance of treasure to pickpocket.

Rhinobot: Those charging rhinobots have gotten an upgrade in size and speed, making them a bit more dangerous than before. Still, a good whack shall smash them good. Drops 16 rings when smashed.

Roman Pawns: Toga!!! It’s Egg Pawns in togas and head wreaths, of course. Don’t let their simpleness fool you, as they can fire lightning bolts from their hands. Drops 18 rings when smashed.

Helmeted Egg Hammers: Egg Hammers that have gotten into the time travel spirit wearing Roman helmets and gladiator armor (on top of their regular armor, for some reason. :P ). They attack the same as regular Egg Hammers, but they have even more armor to make destroying them tougher (Defense over attack, you know?) Drops 20 rings when smashed.

Egg-Cerberus: Eggman’s gigantic loyal guard ‘dog’ has come back, but has now gained 2 more heads to fit the Roman theme. It still has the same weakness of being controllable to careen into walls and other things.

Treasures:

From Guards:

Small Necklace: Worth 75 coins and 38 rings.

Medium Necklace: Worth 95 coins and 48 coins

Large Necklace: Worth 115 coins and 58 coins

From Pedestals:

Golden Head Wreath: Near to the front gates to Mt. Olympus. No booby traps. Worth 1500 coins and 750 rings.

Hercules’ Shield: Near to the gate of the Colosseum. It’s extremely heavy, so a strong character has to take it back. Worth 1750 coins and 875 rings.

Hermes’ Sandals: Tucked away around the palaces. No booby trap. Worth 2250 coins and 1125 rings.

Lightning in a Bottle: Near to the canyon going down below. Damage sensor trap and will zap you dead if broken. Worth 2750 coins and 1325 rings.

The coins have a lightning bolt design on them.

Secret Clockwerk Sighting: A marble statue stands in one of the plaza’s that looks just like him. But is he underneath that marble coating? Hmm...

-----Jobs-----

Roman Recon

Recon Rome

Sly: “Well, this doesn’t look good. Rome’s empty, and this is supposed to be a bustling city.”

Blaze: “I’d guess that Eggman’s helper here scared them all away. But it sure is odd when there is no damage anywhere at all.”

Bentley, over the binocucom: “Just be careful in case they should rear their ugly head around here.”

Sly, sarcastically: “Don’t we always?”

Bentley, over the binocucom, smugly: “Unless the ‘head’ is Carmelita, then you go basically blind.” *An audible high five is heard.*

Sly: “Ouch, Bentley. But at least that head is very pretty.”

Carmelita, over the binocucom: “Sweet save, Ringtail.”

*The player heads of to take recon photos of the Colosseum, the group of palaces, Mt Olympus and the Underworld.*

*Upon taking a picture of the Colosseum.*

Sly: “Odd, these gates seemed to have been blocked before everyone ran off, considering the feet prints.”

Blaze: “Does it look a little off in general too?”

Sly: “Hmm, yeah. Bigger and more recently built, which is impossible. Hmmm…”

*Upon taking a picture of the palaces.*

Blaze: “Sure are a lot of Eggman’s mechs walking around here to be doing nothing in particular.”

Sly: “Do you think they are looking for something?”

Blaze: “That, or just waiting in general.”

*Upon taking a picture of Mt. Olympus.*

Blaze: “Such very odd gates, tempered with very high heat that I’ve ever seen.”

Sly: “So we won’t be able to get in this way.”

Blaze: “No, at least, not forcibly. We need to find a way in somehow…”

*Upon taking a picture of ‘the Underworld’.*

Sly: “Wow. That’s a deep chasm if I’ve ever seen one. And dark too.”

Blaze: “I could light the way, but we have a problem.”

Sly: “What, getting down there? There are some stairs there.”

Blaze: “Someone has made a magical barrier or something to stop us. We can’t get in without finding an object to pass through.”

Sly: “We better keep an eye out then.”

*Once done.*

Sly: “Hmmm, good intelligence, but not a lot to go on.”

Bentley, over the binocucom: “Can you guys return to the safehouse? Silver says he’s got an idea where Augustus is.”

JOB COMPLETE

-----

Palacian Bash

Listen in to the guard’s conversations.

Find Augustus.

Sly: “So where do you think is Augustus, Silver?”

Silver: “I have to admit it’s not a certainty, but I think I may have a location. Ever since we got here, I’ve felt a strange psychic power at work, and after some divination, I believe he is hiding in the palaces to the East.”

Sly: “That does sound like how Augustus’ powers work, so it may be him. And we just came from there; there are many pawns and guards patrolling there. Let’s go.”

Bentley, over the binocucom: “Hang on, Sly. If you don’t mind, I’d like to go. His psychokinesis intrigue me… and I have a feeling I may be able to get us more information on what’s happening around here.”

Sly: “Fair enough then.”

*Sly returns back inside the safehouse, and Bentley comes out.*

*The player heads on over to the palaces, and in the first one, find a Wolf guard and Lion guard chatting to each other next to a well.*

Silver: “They appear to be talking, but how do we hear them?”

Bentley: “Leave that to me and my grapple camera. It can listen to them and play it for us here.”

*One short grapple cam moving later.*

Wolf Guard: *Some stomach growling can be heard.* “Grrr… I’m annoyed the boss scared away everyone. Now with no one trespassing, there’s no food to eat!”

Lion Guard: *His stomach growls as well.* “I know, but what can we do when our boss is 20 feet tall!”

Wolf Guard: “Might as well loot the food stocks again…”

*They both walk away.*

Silver: “20 feet tall? That’s a giant! And we don’t know any giants.”

Bentley: “Hmmm… we better listen in to more guards then.”

*The player moves on, entering a second palace and finding a goat tinkering with a Rhinobot like a mechanic. They grapple cam over, and listen in to the guard.*

Goat: “Bah, good-for-nothing Saturn making us have to work on these stupid contraptions. If Saturn weren’t so big, I’d give him a piece of my mind.”

Bentley: “So the big guy is named Saturn, like the King of the Titans in Roman myths.”

Silver: “Then he’s clearly not from our world. It makes no sense.”

Bentley: “Yeah. Well, that’s the way it is. Little bits of information for the whole picture.”

*The player goes to the third temple, and for once, find a Roman Pawn talking to an Helmeted Egg Hammer. They must come in from behind them because the robots can detect the camera from the front.*

Roman Pawn: “NO SIGN OF AUGUSTUS COOPER FOR OUR BOSS FROM THE CITY.”

Helmeted Egg Hammer: “WELL, WE WERE ORDERED TO KEEP LOOKING FOR HIM AND CAN’T RETURN ‘TIL THEN.”

Roman Pawn: “HOPEFULLY WE FIND HIM SOON. I NEED AN OIL CHANGE.”

Silver: “Huh, I never thought Eggman programmed his badniks to speak, unless whoever’s here tinkered with that.”

Bentley: “I think the more important thing is that Saturn has not found Augustus yet, which means we got a good shot finding him. Is he close?”

Silver: “Yes, very close.. Just a few rooms away.”

*A bit further on, the duo end up finding a room with a vault door at the end. Clearing the guards away with darts, bombs and psychokinesis…*

Silver: “He’s here… but where? I think he’s hiding visually from us with his psychokinesis.”

Bentley: “It’s not like a Cooper wants to be found. But I think I got an idea how to lure him out. Let’s open the vault. I’ll tell you what numbers to turn it to.”

Silver: “Okay.”

*In a bit less annoying safe-cracking game, Bentley listens for the numbers and the player has Silver twist the knob with psychokinesis to the correct numbers. The vault opens and shows the gold and jewels inside. And as expected, Augustus appears from his hiding spot.*

Augustus, rather unemotionally: “It took a few days of waiting, but it’s finally paid off with all that treasure. Now to get rid of the witnesses.” *He attempts to psycho-kinetically kick out Silver and Bentley, but is unusually stopped. With a bit more emotion in his voice:* “Huh? Why can’t I grab you guys?”

Silver shows he’s using his psychokinesis too. “Not when I can do the same. Now, please stop, cause we’re actually looking for you.”

Augustus: “Looking for me? Daresay you be friend or foe?” *He tries to raise his power…*

Silver matches it however. “Friend, obviously. Please, just stop and listen.”

Augustus, with a bit more emotion: “I was listening, you know. You mentioned Coopers. You sensed me! How can I trust you?!”

Silver: “Well, like I said, I use psychokinesis too, and I was able to sense yours here.”

Bentley: “And, it may be a bit hard to believe, but we are from the future and are friends to your future numerous-greats grandson.”

Augustus: “The future? Well, it’s not the weirdest thing I can believe, but I do.” *He lets his psychokinesis go, and so does Silver.*

Bentley: “Come on and follow us back. We can explain more in safety.”

JOB COMPLETE

----

Augustus: “My, what a group of quirky characters, I dare say.”

Sly: “Quirky, but we get our jobs done well.”

Augustus: “I can believe so, if your friends are anything to go by.”

Sly: “So, what’s been happening?”

Augustus: “Sorry, future son, but I’ve been too focused on that vault to notice what’s been happening outside. All I did notice was the people changing to those weird, noisy things a few days ago, but that’s it. You understand, right?”

Sly: “Yeah, a big job can really mess up any other plans.”

Bentley: “Never fear, Silver and I have learned a bit of what’s been going on here. It seems that one literal giant, a Mr. Saturn, is controlling these robots and guards to do his bidding. They’re still looking for Augustus, so that should buy us some time.”

Dimitri: “Pardon my history, but wasn’t Mr. Saturn in Roman myths many feets tall?! Why haven’t we seen him?!

Bentley: “I can only speculate that he probably is spending time in Mt. Olympus, waiting for news from the badniks. I think it may be best to go out now and get things done to attract him out, and find a way to open the gates to Mt. Olympus.”

Blaze: “I think Sly and I should go back out there and find a way down that chasm. Whatever’s down there must be important, and might just attract Saturn out of his hiding spot.”

Sly: “Yeah, and we can handle whatever’s down there.”

Silver: “And Augustus and I have talked, and we might try to divinate the gate. Maybe we can find a way to open it.”

Augustus: “This adventure of yours intrigues me, and I want in.”

Bentley: “Wow, didn’t even need to ask.”

Sly, smugly: “We know our place by now.”

Bentley: “Well, let’s get to it then.”

-----

Going Down…

Find a way into the ‘Underworld’

Destroy the Energy Power plant.

(Blaze and Sly return to near the gate and a Lion guard walks through to Rome.)

Sly: “Huh?”

Blaze: “What is it? See something?”

Sly: “Yeah. I saw a small glimmer in his pocket that wasn’t money. I think it might be our way down there.”

Blaze: “Go get him then.”

*The player has Sly sneak after him and pickpocket the Lion of his item, a green orb.*

Blaze: “An orb?”

Sly: “Yeah.” *They walk up to the barrier and it drops for them.*

Blaze: “Such an odd little key, though there are orbs in our world that do similar things.”

Sly: “Hmm. Well, we better hurry up before anyone gets wise of who we are.”

*The player travels down the long stairs and to the bottom of the canyon. The place is bathed in an eerie green, but Sly notices something more in the dark as Blaze alights herself.*

Sly: “I smell, and see, smoke clouds.”

Blaze: *Cough* “So that’s what I was smelling above.”

Bentley, over the binocucom: “I knew I was sensing abnormal energy readings! It must be a crude energy production facility!”

Blaze: “The smell reminds me of Eggman’s smog, but it’s tinted green. But he’s had a dramatic flair for theme, so it’s probably to scare people away.”

Sly: “Whatever this is, we better shut it down.”

Bentley, over the binocucom: “I suggest just destroying everything. Subtlety will just take too long.”

Sly: “Way ahead of you.”

*The player goes and destroys all the machines by either hitting them, or using Blaze’s flame aura to ignite the clouds to explode machines. Once done...*

Sly: “And there it goes, back to dust and broken pieces.”

Blaze smiles wide. “Heh he, that was fun!”

Sly: “Let’s hurry back before someone notices.”

JOB COMPLETE

----

Home of the Gods

Find a way to open up the gates to Mt. Olympus.

(Silver and Augustus stand in front of the gates to Mt. Olympus, and attempt to use their psychokinesis to ‘divine’ the gate open, but their efforts fail.)

Silver: “I don’t think this is working, Augustus. Something is preventing these gates from being opened.”

Augustus: “Indeed, this is a waste of energy.”

*They both stop.*

Silver: “I think it the source of it is inside. But how do we get in?”

Augustus: “We float, of course. We make our own paths, as psychokinetic users.”

*The player has them just float themselves over the gate to the inside. As they float to the objective...*

Silver: “Where did your powers come from, Augustus? Were you born with it?”

Augustus, sounding a bit defensive: “Well, yeah, of course, I mean, where else would you get it? Like from the gods or something? Heh…”

Silver, getting a bit saddened when he starts to trail off: “I was just asking. I was born with it, but of course, we need to be taught to use it correctly, lest we… well…”

Augustus: “... Screw up royally?”

Silver: “... Yeah.”

Augustus: “Looks like we both know that… and maybe I need a little more training…”

Silver: “I’ll help you with that when we get a chance.”

Augustus: “Thank you. Now, ahem, let’s go find the gate opener.”

SIlver: “Right!”

*The player heads through Mt Olympus’ huge temple halls, either being sneaky or fighting off guards and badniks while making their way to the back of the building. Out in the backyard are rows of electric generators, connected to the fence and keeping the gates shut.*

Silver: “Aha! Some generators that produce electricity to hold the gate closed!”

Augustus: “Electricity?”

Silver: “It’s what people use in the future to power things.”

Augustus: “A future thing, I see. Okay.”

Bentley, over the binocucom: “Well, you don’t need to understand it when I’m going just simply ask you to destroy this electric farm. It’s only really helping the enemy, and it doesn’t belong here.”

Silver: “You got it, Bentley!”

*The player has Silver and Augustus destroy the generators with badniks, guards, and anything else they can grab with their psychokinesis.*

Silver: “Okay, Bentley! We’re done!”

Bentley, over the binocucom: “Excellent. That ought to make it easy for us to get in later.”

Silver: “Sure, we’re on our way back- Agh! Wait! Who are you?! AH!!! S-SATURN!!!”

*Screams of Silver and Augustus can be heard, which slowly fade away to nothing.*

Bentley: “Silver? … Augustus? … Oh crap.”

JOB COMPLETE(?...)

-----

Studying Saturn

Follow and listen in on Saturn.

Bentley sighs: “I screwed up. It seems I let Silver and Augustus be captured by Saturn by the sound of it…”

Sly: “No one could have predicted that Saturn was just waiting for them in Mt. Olympus. It wasn’t your fault.”

Bentley, very saddened: “I should have. It’s my job to predict the risk of everything, and I didn’t even think that.”

Tails: “You can’t predict everything the enemy is going to do. Even we get surprised by Eggman and his tricks sometimes.”

Bentley, a little surprised: “Really? You guys don’t really see Eggman as much of a threat.”

Sonic: “Oh, we do. We just snark and make fun of him to not give him the satisfaction of stroking his ego, which is massive as it is already, heh.”

Bentley, getting a bit more back into it: “Maybe… you’re right guys.”

Saturn’s massively booming voice blasts across the city. “To the mighty annoying thieves who are hiding in the city: I have your friends and demand that the rest of you turn yourselves in to me. Reveal yourselves soon, or else your two friends will have a very unpleasant time…”

Bentley covers his ears: “Ugh, the taunting. Quite the salt in the wounds. But… I mustn’t let this get me down. Knuckles, shall you accompany me on listening to Saturn unknowingly?”

Knuckles: “I’d be honored too. And don’t worry, I’ll keep you out of trouble.”

*The player leads the turtle and echidna sneakily as close as they can to Saturn, and send the Grapple Cam as close as possible to it.*

Saturn: “Heh, who am I kidding? This is Sly, Bentley, Murray, and the gang. Of course they aren’t going to show their faces. Let’s see… I’m supposed to destroy more stuff in this big mech suit to get them out of hiding, I guess..” *He moves elsewhere in the level.*

Bentley: “It’s a mech suit? I guess that does make sense with the energy plant we found in the ‘Underworld’.”

Knuckles: “I wonder if Eggman designed it, since he’s made mechs like that before.”

Bentley: “Let’s continue listening.”

*The player moves on to Saturn’s new location.*

Saturn: “I’m surprised Bentley sent Augustus and Silver straight into my hands. He really didn’t know I was there? Anyhow, they may have gotten the gate to Mt. Olympus open, but Bentley doesn’t know that, I think. Aw, well. I hope I didn’t leave him crying like last time. SInce I had to work with Eggman, I hope he will be pleased that I got their data or whatever.” *He moves on.*

Knuckles: “Well, it’s not Eggman in there, that’s for certain.”

*Bentley oddly stays quiet, just pointing for them to move on.*

*At the next location.*

Saturn: “Ugh, I see why Sonic and his critter friends don’t necessarily like Eggman. You have to do things as he says, or expect to die! If it weren’t for that robot army of his, I’d give him a piece of my rodent mind. I’m pretty smart too, you know! I’ve built RC cars, and even that time machine with him! … At least he let me build this mech suit. Heh he, Bentley is going to be jealous of this.”

Knuckles: “Uh… whoever’s in there seems to know you.”

Bentley, with worry in his voice: “I think I know…” *Does a breathing in and out to relax and his voice goes back.* “But I need to make sure… We got some work to do, Knuckles.”

JOB COMPLETE(?...)

-----

Saturn Loses His Cool

Force Saturn to go and recharge at Mt Olympus.

Break out Silver and Augustus.

Knuckles: “And what sort of work is that?”

Bentley: “Well, we got rid of Saturn’s power supply, so whoever is in there is having to rely on backup power right now. We have to drain Saturn of whatever power he has left so that whoever is inside will be forced to get out. We’ll know who is reigning here then.”

Knuckles: “I see. And how do we do that?”

Bentley: “We force the mech to run around to do meaningless things, make it overheat.”

Knuckles: “Aha. I can do that.”

Bentley: “Then let’s go.”

*The player, while still keeping out of sight of Saturn, must go around the city and cause noisy distractions (like knocking over pillar dominoes) to lure Saturn to move around, raising its heat level. Once it fully raises, Saturn complains about the heat.*

Saturn: “Ah! Heat levels are too high! I gotta get out of here! But not in town, gotta hurry to Mt. Olympus, or he’ll see me!”

*Saturn runs off and the player follows him back to Mt Olympus. Just out of sight, the player sends the Grapple Cam from behind cover to show who comes out…*

*A light purple dutch mouse in a tracksuit suddenly pops out of the chest of the machine.*

???: “Ah! Whew! Finally out of that mech! Any longer and I would have suffer hyperthermia. *Sigh* I better get to work on fixing the problem…”

Bentley: “P-p-p-Penelope… How could you work for Eggman? He’s not going to help you…”

Knuckles: “She might have been tricked by Eggman. I should know, he’s tricked me before.”

Bentley: “He has? Hmmm…” *With determination in his voice.* “Come on, Knuckles, we’re getting Silver and Augustus out.”

Knuckles: “Okay, but where-”

Bentley: “Just follow me, I think I know.”

*The player heads into the huge temple area, and find the psychics surrounded by badniks and guards in a cage.*

Knuckles: “Woah, there they are. How are we going to get them out?”

Bentley: “As much as I dislike confrontation, we got to fight them.”

*The player fights the badniks and guards, and free Silver and Augustus from their prison.*

Augustus: “I’m free! Phew.”

Silver: “Thanks, Knuckles and Bentley!”

Bentley: “Let’s get back to the safehouse. An operation cannot wait any longer.”

JOB COMPLETE

-----

Sly: “Are you alright, Bentley? You seem… worried.”

Bentley: “Yeah, I’m worried. I’ve seen Penelope. She’s our villain here.”

Sly: “Oh… can you go on? I know you left on a better note back then, but I’m worried about you.”

Bentley: “It’s fine. I… I need to go out there, and talk to her.”

Murray: “How are you going to do that when there’s a three-headed dog on the loose in town?”

Sonic: “Huh? Does it look like a mechanical dog?”

Murray: “Yeah, looks like it’s sniffing around for us.”

Sonic: “Ah, I see she has called the Egg-Cerberus. I can handle that mutt. And I guess you want to come with, Bentley”

Bentley: “If it won’t be too much trouble, yeah.”

Sonic: “It won’t be.”

-----

Operation: Turtle and Mouse

Defeat the Egg-Cerberus

Defeat Penelope

Sonic: “Alright, time to go after the Egg-Cerberus.”

Bentley: “We’re going to lure it to the Colosseum and fight it in there.”

*The player uses Bentley’s grapple cam to lure the Egg-Cerberus into the large Colosseum, and then head inside to defeat the Egg Cerberus. Bentley can stun it with bombs, but like with the old one, Sonic must grind onto its middle head and force it to ram into a wall or pillar to severely damage it. The dog should soon go down.*

Sonic: “Hah! It’s still a lousy robot mutt.”

Bentley: “No time to celebrate yet… she’s coming.”

*Soon, Penelope in her Saturn suit breaks the entryway to reveal herself.*

Penelope: “Aw! How come you guys had to destroy the Egg-Cerberus? I was starting to love the robot dog.”

Sonic: “Sorry, but if it’s Eggman property, I gotta smash it. I don’t trust anything he makes.”

Penelope: “Fair enough. And I see that Bentley is here too.”

Bentley: “Penelope… how could you work for such an evil man?”

Penelope: “I unfortunately had to, Bentley. He offered a deal… and it was really hard to refuse…”

Sonic: “What, did he point a gun to your head?”

Penelope: “Yeah, his whole badnik army’s worth. And his deal was quite hard to say ‘no’ to as well.”

Bentley: “What was so worth throwing away any last bit of your decency from what Le Paradox left you?!”

Penelope: “I told you already, Le Paradox showed me I could do greater things than just working for a ragtag gang of thieves and an officer who are just busting the villain of the day. And now, Eggman gave me a similar chance. Look, I even got free reign to make this mech suit. How is that not worth it? I get to not waste my talents on the small things.”

Bentley: “...Was it like this ever since I met you?”

Penelope: “Yes, Bentley. I did love you in the beginning, but I thought we were going to go off and do great things together, and not just sit around waiting for the next big job Sly had in mind. I just… don’t want my talent squandered…”

Bentley: “... If that’s what you felt… then why didn’t you tell me?”

Penelope: “Because you seemed like you were too far in with Sly, like he clouded your judgement. It always seems to be for the good of the Cooper clan.”

Bentley: “Well, he is my best friend for many years now, and I am their brains, so I do have to work for Cooper… but if you really wanted to expand and do more, you could have just asked. I mean, that’s why we made the time machine, so we could do a project together.”

Penelope: “... It wasn’t really made just for Sly interests in case he returned?”

Bentley: “I mean, yeah. I asked you what you wanted to build, and you asked for a time machine. We made it together. We could have went on dates with it on any time, if we had the right object.”

Penelope, saddened: “... … I’ve been a fool. Unfortunately, I have an obligation to Eggman now to defeat you…”

Sonic: “Don’t, Penelope. He says he wants to advance you further, but he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He will toss away anyone he works with once he gets what he wants from them.”

Penelope: “He will?”

*As if on cue, Eggman appears in the mech cockpit to stop the interaction.*

Eggman: “What the heck are you doing, Penelope? Why haven’t you killed the blasted hedgehog and the Cooper Gang yet?”

Penelope: “I-I-I don’t know! I can’t get myself to want to defeat them… I don’t... want to hurt him…”

Eggman: “Then allow me to do that myself! You thought you had free reign of your mech, but in the end, it’s all MINE!!!”

*Eggman takes control of the mech from wherever he is and forces the mech to do a kick at Bentley.*

Bentley freezes up. “Ah!!!”

Sonic: “No!” *He jumps and pushes Bentley out of the way, but gets kicked himself into the Colosseum wall. He collapses, unconscious, but not dead.*

Bentley and Penelope: “No!!!”

Eggman: “Grrr… no matter, I’ll get back to him. I have a problem with you, Bentley, and I’m going to kill you personally!”

Penelope: “Hey, what’s going on?!”

*The mech suit closes up on her, and he tries to attack again, but this time, Silver and Augustus appear on the Colosseum roof and grab Bentley and float him to their level.*

Silver: “Trying something evil, Eggman? It isn’t going to work here!”

Augustus: “I can’t believe that this metal man is alive, but I shall defeat you all the same.”

Bentley: “We gotta save Penelope from that mech!”

Silver: “Already planned on it. Let’s go.”

*The Saturn mech mostly attacks with either its laser eyes across the roof, or pinpoint shooting, punching and throwing its hands down to smash you, or missiles in an attempt to scare you. To be able to defeat the Saturn mech, Silver/Augustus should throw either a missile or any flying piece of debris Eggman shoots up, and toss it back at the mech. Other than just hurting it, it will also stun the mech for a time and make it fall forward to the roof. In that time, Bentley can go over and bomb the power core of the mech. The mech will jump back up again after a bit and repeat the process over. As a note, the arms can be destroyed while it is leaned over to lessen the number of attacks the mech does. Just keep up the bombing on it, and it will soon fall down.*

Silver: “Yes! We did it!”

*The mech starts a self destruct sequence of 60 seconds, but also opens up its head section where Penelope is, collapsed from the shock.*

Bentley: “Penelope!”

*While Silver and Augustus psychically lift Sonic up, Bentley jumps down and rolls and grabs Penelope and puts her on his lap. Silver notices, and then grabs them both too. They all escape off the roof, just as the mech explodes into pieces.*

JOB COMPLETE

-----

The Getaway:

Penelope opens her eyes to see the Cooper and Sonic gang. “Huh? You guys saved me?”

Silver: “Well, Bentley was the one who went to the mech and grabbed you before it exploded.”

Penelope: “Really? After all I’ve done to you, Bentley?”

Bentley: “Y-yeah. I-I just had to. I… um…”

Penelope: “Same here… I don’t know anymore either.”

Sly: “Um, Sonic? Tails says your friends have sent us something.”

Shadow, on Tails’ Miles Electric: “I can’t believe I have to ask this, but we need your help right now. Some strange villains have come through a portal and started taking over our world. GUN and the rest of us are trying our best to take them, but they’re using some powerful robots that look to have been made by Eggman. These are what they look like.” *He shows pictures of the villains who look quite familiar...* “Hurry, we don’t know how long we can last.” *The transmission ends.*

Carmelita: “What the heck? They said they were reformed! I knew they were lying and just waiting to be free of prison totally!”

Murray: “All the past villains we put away are running around in your world, Sonic!”

Sonic: “Not if I get a say with them!”

Sly: “We’ll help you, Sonic. We’ve dealt with them before… and I’m thinking this is not just a point of conquest.”

Bentley: “I smell revenge. Why else are they all there?”

Sly: “Exactly. We have to deal with them.”

Penelope: “Was I just… a distraction for him? Hmph, I’m not going to play that game. I’m helping too!”

Sly, narration: “It looks like our adventures through time are over, and a new adventure to begin in a different world altogether. How did the villains we put away escape, and could we do it again? In any case, we better deal with them before they mess up all time in a new world.”

Next Time: We return to Sonic’s world to deal with an ‘artsy’ bear.. in Prehistropolis City Zone.