#shoving this here for archival sake

[vectorisheree]

3LAF SECRET SANTA FOR @hypnocus YAY WE ALL CHEERED!!!

[drunkenskunk]

There's a project related to my interest in Warhammer that I've wanted to do for quite some time, but I know I'll never get the chance to actually do it. At least, not properly. And it involves... I think "historical preservation" is probably the best word for it?

See, I like to occasionally sift through my collection of old "out of date" rulebooks and army codex books from earlier editions of 40k. The sort of things that have been out of print for many years. Games Workshop hasn't sold these books in 2 or 3 decades, and they've all been supplanted by the current rules. And I do this because I think it's interesting to see how the game - in both crunch and fluff - has changed since 1987.

More beyond the break...

For example: the different ways the galaxy has been depicted in 40k between the different editions. In the first rulebook, when it was still called Rogue Trader, all we got was a small, almost abstract, image on the bottom of the page. The 2nd edition rulebook that came out in October 1993 (specifically, the Codex Imperialis book) had a two page spread, but it was also very abstract with a few notes, but no real detail to speak of. As far as I can tell, the first time we got a map of the galaxy with the segmentum divisions that we're all accustomed to now came from a very unexpected place: the very first Tyranid codex that came out in August 1995.

Of course, my copy of the 2nd Edition book is a very poor quality black and white scan. Those segmentum divisions could genuinely be there, and I just can't see it. Not to mention, it's entirely possible that a map with segmentum divisions first premiered in an issue of White Dwarf first, because GW liked to do stuff like that in the old days where you'd see it in the hobby magazine long before it was "officially" released in a rulebook.

There are a lot of glaring omissions from a lot of the other files in my collection: poor scans, missing pages, corrupted files... There's a lot I still don't know, because it's impossible for me to currently confirm that the little I do know is, in fact, accurate. My collection is woefully incomplete. Plus, I don't really have much past 6th edition anyway.

And this, in essence, is my idea: try and complete the collection. Find pristine copies of all the old 40k rulebooks, army codexes, even old copies of White Dwarf, and digitize them all into a huge archive for the sake of historical preservation. Of a sort.

Basically, I want to become a Lexmechanic of the Adeptus Mechanicus, looking for Dark Age of Technology era STC's uncorrupted by the Heresy or the war with the Iron Men. Either that, or I want to become Trazyn with his Infinite Archive on Solemnace.

Unfortunately, there are many problems with this plan. The first being GW's overly litigious nature. They see all this Warhammer shit as "product" first and a hobby for people to enjoy a very, VERY distant second. Doesn't matter that these books (and the magazines) are long since out of print and they don't sell them anymore, effectively making the old editions the tabletop hobby equivalent to video game abandonware... if they got wind that I was attempting a project of this nature, I just know GW would smack me in the face with a cease and desist.

Of course, the other major stumbling block here is the financial issue. And I'm not just talking about buying the books. Obviously, there's the problem of the rarer books that go for upwards of $300 or more on ebay, but there's also a volume problem. Even if you find some good deals, and you're able to find older books for $10 or $15 a pop, there's just SO MANY books, that if I were to attempt this I would be wasting several thousand dollars that I just don't have.

More importantly, there's also the machine I would need to buy in order to do this project in the first place. Because if I was going to do this, I would want to do it right, y'know? I wouldn't want to simply shove the books into my dinky little scanner-printer combo hooked up to my computer. The only way I'd get a clean scan using that method would be to physically destroy these very valuable books, and that's the last thing I'd want to do. No, I would want to do it right, and get a machine like Scribe, the book scanner used by the internet archive:

Now, obviously, I can't get access to that machine, specifically, because Scribe was custom built by the engineers at the Internet Archive. But other V-cradle book scanners that let you digitize books without destroying them do exist... and they're all REALLY expensive. A good one to produce professional quality scans is, like, $25,000.

And I know what you're thinking: why do I even care about any of this? Even if this project was not entirely out of my reach, it's ultimately pointless, right? Why would I want to preserve all these old, out-of-date, no longer relevant rulebooks for a tabletop wargame that has only existed exactly as long as I have?

Because... let's be honest, this isn't really about Warhammer. The reason I want to do this stems from a much deeper desire to simply Remember. It's amazing and terrifying in equal measure just how easily history can be erased, either deliberately or simply through neglect. All of these things in our lives that are seemingly so important to us can easily vanish from history, like sandcastles when the tide rolls in.

Hell, if you really want to know my feelings about this, just watch Jacob Geller's video on this very subject.

If I had infinite time and infinite money, and I didn't care about any kind of repercussions from GW's legal team, this project would not be beyond my reach.

But I do not have infinite time or money. And there are more things in my life that I need to be concerned with that are far more important than creating a... stupid archive.

Shame, really.

[wolveria]

The Raven's Hymn - Ch 53

Pairing: SCP-049 x Reader

Series Warnings: Eventual smut, dubcon, slow burn, violence, horror, death, monsters, human experiments, dark with a happy ending

Chapter Summary: “We won’t leave anyone behind.”

Chapter Warnings: Violence, death

AO3

Spotify

You’d never understood the phrase “it’s quiet, too quiet” until now. The farther you plunged into Heavy Containment, the quieter it became. There were also less signs of chaos and death, a stark contrast to what lay behind you.

It made sense, in a way. The most dangerous anomalies were stored here, but it wasn’t the kind of danger that came with claws and teeth. With these anomalies, you didn’t know anything was wrong, that you were already dead, until the deed was done. These anomalies were the reality-benders and mind breakers. Cognitohazards were, in many ways, more horrifying because of the horrors you couldn’t perceive.

You didn’t know why the archival section had been built so close to this wing, but if anything, it would act as a deterrent for those who wanted to reach the many dangerous objects contained within. It was unlikely you would run into anyone still alive.

That was your assumption, anyway. And as the squad of Mobile Task Force soldiers rushed into the room, catching you out in the open of a large work area, you felt like an idiot.

049 grabbed your arm and shoved you behind him, but there wasn’t a point. The soldiers encircled you from all sides, rifles and shotguns aimed at your chests. They shouted, yelled orders, demanded you get on the ground. This was a recapture, not an extermination.

Neither of you obeyed. You pressed your back to his, wishing you still had your P90—at least you could go down fighting. Even if dying meant the facility would be torn apart, you held out hope 049 would have a chance to survive and escape.

049 let his cane drop to the floor, and then his hand curled around yours. A shuddered breath escaped you, because you understood. 049 would rather die here, with you, than walk free alone.

You braced for the impact of bullets tearing into flesh, a feeling you were now intimately familiar with, your heart in your mouth, lungs burning. 049 gripped your hand tighter, and you wished you had time, there was so much you still wanted to say—

The room fell silent. The soldiers stopped shouting orders and simply stood there like statues, the likeness made stronger with the shields covering their faces. They remained that way, inert and silent, for several seconds.

And then they each turned to their left, aimed their weapons at the back of the soldier next to them, and fired. They fell to the ground in a movement so synchronized it was almost unnatural, and then the room returned to deathly stillness, the air marred with the lingering stench of gunfire and blood.

You leaned against 049’s broad back, trying to catch your breath, and you opened your mouth to say what the hell?! and immediately closed it. Something covered in green fur and grey scales sauntered into the room, his shoulders now reaching up to your waist.

682, grown to the size of a very large wolf, exposed his teeth in a canine grin, and perched on his back was a little girl who looked about three years old.

“Reid!”

The child scrambled down 682’s back and raced across the room. She crossed the line of bodies without stopping, she didn’t even notice them, and launched herself at you, wrapping her arms around your legs.

049 had moved out of the way of the girl’s arrival, and you met his gaze with wide eyes, but he didn’t have an explanation either.

“053,” you said, keeping your tone calm for the girl’s sake. “What are you doing here?”

“We came to find you!”

You glanced toward 682, but the reptile ignored you and sniffed at the corpses. You really hoped he didn’t start eating them.

049’s attention was also drawn to the destruction around him.

“Did you do this?”

“Do what?” 053 clung to your leg but stared up at 049 with wide, curious eyes.

You shook your head just enough for 049 to catch, and the confusion cleared from his expression, settling into something more concerned. He crouched down, bracing one knee against the floor so he didn’t tower over the girl, and he kept his hands folded in his lap where they wouldn’t accidentally touch her.

“We thank you for your assistance, little one. What name may I call you?”

053 frowned a little, though it turned inward.

“I don’t… remember.”

“That’s okay.” You patted the girl’s head, not exactly sure how to comfort a child, especially one who had stayed the same age for an unknowable amount of time. “What do you say to leaving the facility with us?”

“Can 682 come too?”

The sound of bones snapping between boney jaws made you wince.

“Sure, he can come.”

“And 079?”

You glanced backward at the corpse-dining reptile and saw the laptop bag slung along his neck, carrying the weight of the laptop. It was kind of sweet. With the way he looked out for 079 and 053, you could almost imagine he had a soft spot.

“Of course,” you said, as if 682 wouldn’t gnaw on your bones next if you tried to separate them. “We won’t leave anyone behind.”

053’s smile spread into a grin, and she nodded from where she hid behind your leg, shyly peeking out at 049. But 049 quickly got to his feet when 682 joined you, his stride heavy and predatory. You kind of missed the gecko version.

“I was unaware you still lived,” 049 said, appraising the reptile with a cool stare. 682’s smile was toothy and mean.

“Likewise. I figured you were Old Man chum. 079 put your odds of survival at 0.23%.”

049’s stare turned withering, and 682 leered at you.

“You went through all that trouble. He must be really good.”

Your face burned, and when 049 sent you a questioning frown of his eyes, you turned away and busied yourself with finding something useful among the dead. You found a fully loaded shotgun strapped with shells and took it; you didn’t plan to be caught off-guard again.

“So,” you said, inspecting the weapon, “what have you two been up to?”

“Keeping you all alive.” 682’s tone was bored. 053 came up to him and padded him on the neck, and he pretended not to notice. “079 sectioned off more of his programming and embedded it into the system. Something about the facility’s security algorithms attempting to gas us, electrocute us, or torch us alive. Our captors believe, rightly so, that they have lost control of the facility.”

Well, it was nice to know they hadn’t betrayed you.

“I see. Uh… thanks.”

682 snorted and shook his head, causing the girl to giggle as his long fur tickled her face.

“079 likes you far too much to let you die. Besides, if you perished, we would not survive it.”

“Right,” you grumbled. Did everyone know what you were before you? “Let’s go. We’re almost there.”

682 knelt down, allowing 053 to crawl onto his back, but he hesitated to follow once he was on his feet.

“That way leads deeper into the facility.”

“Yes,” 049 said, his dour tone conveying how much he liked this plan. “To the archival section. The mask indicated it contains an exit.”

“Oh, well, if the mad mask says it’s true, we should take it on blind faith as we walk into the darkness. Superb planning by the facility’s top two geniuses.”

How a reptile could be so sarcastic, you didn’t know.

The girl clapped her hands as 682 took the lead, and you exchanged a tired look with 049. He looked tempted to hit the reptile with his cane, so you took his hand instead. It did its job, drawing 049’s attention back to you, and his eyes softened around the edges.

With 682 ahead, 053 providing an invisible barrier around you, and segments of 079 looking out for you, it felt safe enough to indulge. It was strange to have allies, for you and 049 to not have to do this alone. You weren’t free yet, but you were getting closer.

049 squeezed your hand, and you followed him down the red-tinted corridor that would lead to the end. One way or another.

Next Chapter

[maisnamedmoon]

The Birds Of Gotham #1

This is part one of, well maybe a series, i dont know yet, i guess it depends on if people like it. So leave a comment if you want more parts!

POV: Me acting this whole thing out infront of my mirror and my cat watching me like, "What is wrong with her?".

Here is my AO3 again, all my fics will be postet there a few days before they are posted here.

"Never Been Bats, have we?"

“How dare you call me?” Nightwing spat out before he even fully materialized in the Zeta Tube.

“Nightwing, what are you talking about?” Superman, ever the boyscout, tried to diffuse the situation. His efforts were ignored, instead Nightwing, who was in sweatpants and a T-Shirt with leggings and a long-sleeved shirt underneath, instead of his suit, domino mask peeling off slightly at the edges, singled in on Batman.

“How dare you call me up here, when I was the one sitting on Steph’s bedside, rubbing her back, when she was coughing up blood the whole night?” The vigilante seemed close to ripping the bat’s head off, weren’t he in the middle of the Watchtower, surrounded by heroes.

“Everyone gets hurt on patrol at some point, get yourself together.” Batman finally turned from the computer to his former protege.

“Oh! That’s what you think I’m mad about? I know that everyone gets hurt at one point or another, that basically comes with the job! What I’m mad about is the fact that I shouldn’t be the one sitting next to your children the whole night, making sure they keep breathing! I should not be the one making sure my siblings don’t die, while you are up here or down in the cave, looking over case files!” Shocked gasps ran through the rows of heroes, partially because they didn't know Batman had other children and partially because, how could he?

“It should not be me who they call for help, when they are injured or sick in the middle of the night, simply because they know I will come and care for them, instead of telling them that they have to work in every situation and that it’s good training! They are children for fucks sake! They aren’t machines, that can be repaired when they are broken! That’s not how bodies work, not how human minds work, once they are broken, they will never be whole again! Just look at Jason, but when have you ever done that? When have you ever seen us as the fragile children we were, we are?”

“Nightw-”

“No! I should not be the one who reminds Tim to take his antibiotics! I should not be the one to always carry emergency Epipens with me, simply because you don’t even know that Duke is allergic to Peanuts! I bet you didn’t even notice that they changed their emergency contact in their files months ago!” Batman seemed to crumble with every word Nightwing said.

“Now if you’d excuse me, I have to go buy snacks for family game night” That seemed to be it, the big scary bat, in his black kevlar suit fell forward on his knees, not so big and scary any more.

“Yes! Game Night!” The young speedster sprinted forward towards Nightwing, “Can we get M&M’s?”

“Of course”, Nightwing looked down at Bart, his demeanour completely changed, lips curled in a smile, “You coming?”, he looked up at the Young Justice team hovering in the corner, knowing better than to stand in the way, when their leader starts yelling his disappointment at someone.

“As long as we don’t play Monopoly again” Superboy stepped up next to the duo, shoving Bart towards the Zeta Tube.

“Don’t worry, Monopoly has a lifetime ban, so does DKT. I actually don’t plan on anyone getting stabbed or shot tonight.” Bart opened his mouth to retort something, but Batman, who seemed to be in the condition to talk again, was faster.

“Richard” He whispered, looking pleadingly at his son, who’s smile dropped in an instant, expression turning so icy that Connor and Bart took a step back.

“Don’t you ‘Richard’ me.” Nightwing – Richard – walks until he stands in front of his father, coking his head like he was thinking about something, he crouches down so that he was face to face with a man that would probably even find a way to give blowjobs standing, just so he didn’t have to bow to anyone.

“You know, the others had a bet; What will happen first, me snapping or you ‘The Worlds Greatest Detective’ figuring out that slowly but surely, you have grown to be the only Bat Gotham has. But then again, we have never been Bats, have we? We have always been the Robins, tiny little, cute Robins. That’s the way you raised us, like birds, being shoved out the secure nest – fly or die. But we flew, we flew and we grew, out of the cute, little Robin persona, into something bigger, something more lethal, that you simply can’t control any more. Your cute little Robins grew into birds of prey, while you, the lonely little bat, grow old and weak in your cave. Do you know what happens when bats grow old, weak and lonely, their only friend justice and their moral code? They simply can’t hold themselves at the top any more and then they fall and shatter on the cave floor. With no one looking for them, because bats grow up in the safety of their cave, having everything served to them on a silver platter, while birds learn to either fly or die.”

Nighwing kept his voice cool and hard through his whole speech, not moving from his spot in front of Batman, the man in question looking close to tears by the end of it. Even the heroes of earth, it’s first line of defence, looked shocked, not sure if they should help Batman, make sure that Nightwing hasn’t turned evil or agree with what the young man said. So most of them are just standing there, looking confused and slightly shell shocked at the revelations.

Richard just stood back up and turned to his father once again, “Maybe bats shouldn’t be raising birds in a bird way, expecting them to turn out as bats.”, Nightwing turned back towards the Zeta Tube, ignoring the man kneeling on the floor in the middle of the Watchtower, just to stop next to Bart and Connor “Good talk, Bruce”.

With that he ruffles Bart’s hair, “Lets go get your M&M’s”, and the trio dematerializes back to earth.

[vroomian]

Oh dear. Yeah Yrz arrived to heaven as a being of pure power and information. The seraphim had to quanrtine him for the sake of the other, lesser, angels. They shoved him into an archive only seraphim can enter and made him an archivist, and expected him to be grateful for the honor.

Yrz arrived in heaven and found it a cage.

(The real tragedy here is that if anyone had asked, Yrz would’ve loved to be an archivist with minimal contact to the outside world! But they didn’t ask. And they continued to not ask, even after Yrz got control of his new body. They don’t let him out. There’s no windows. No door. They don’t even ask him if he’s happy with this arrangement. All requests and pleas ignored with soft sympathy. Deciding what Yrz should do. The arrogance is breathtaking.

As if Yrz is a doll to stayed where they placed him, and not a furious angel with access to a lot of dangerous knowledge, and more than enough will to use it.

The only thing Yrz loves more than learning is his freedom.

If there’s not door?

Make one.)

[youwillfindilluminating]

Roy x Jamie x Keeley & Roy x Jamie fic recs - Part 3

Part 1 is here

Part 2 is here

These recs cover the fics I’ve read from about 6/19/23 - 11/23/23, but some of them were written earlier. Sometimes there are spoilers for the fics themselves in the descriptions/quotes, but not too many. (They're all happily-ever-afters anyway. 🥰)

-

Roy x Jamie x Keeley:

Heart Trouble - MoreThanSlightly (cadignan) - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 7k. Set post-S3-fist-fight at Keeley’s. She asks them to reenact their fight and basically physically shoves them together in a NOW KISS situation. It’s fantastic! Roy working through his feelings, figuring his shit out in the moment - with lots of help from Keeley. Keeley directs R & J, and then she kicks them out to shower, and they still get kebabs and talk about their feelings.

family, right - jedusaur - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] @jedusaur 3k. Jamie and Keeley go to a Pride parade with Phoebe and the team. Roy stays home and bakes them a rainbow cake, because he wants to be private about that kind of thing. It’s all very sweet! (No pun intended.)

There are so many quiet people Roy could have fallen in love with.

Triple blend - Dancey96 - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 7k. Holy SHIT, this is fantastic. An OT3 fic set right after Keeley kicks them out in S3. Roy and Jamie go to the kebab shop and talk about what she meant by “mixing their coffees.” The feelings and the way they take care of Jamie and just everything about it is so perfect. This could be canon.

Jamie licks the corner of his mouth, tongue poking out as he smirks at Roy. “You’d have sex with me, then?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Roy groans.

-

“That I was queer?”

Roy snaps his head up to look at Jamie. “You can’t say that.”

“Yes, I can,” Jamie says. “We’ve reclaimed it or whatever. That’s the word I use.”

-

“What are we gonna do with this one?” she asks.

“You tell me,” Roy offers, fingers scratching at Jamie’s scalp absently.

“You’re gonna make me come too soon, is what your gonna do,” Jamie manages to get out, teeth clenched under the strain of staying still.

we start and end as one - Chapter 1 - FlYiNgPiGlEtS - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 8k. An OT3 established relationship fic where Roy and Jamie get in a fight after Jamie is asked to come back on Love Conquers All (he says no, obviously). I love a good fight and make up fic! The last chapter with the convo between Roy and Jamie is so great.

the body of someone you love - goodmorninglovelies - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] @goodmorninglovelies42 2k. OT3 h/c where Jamie gets rear-ended by Colin when leaving practice. He gets stitches and Roy is all pissy because he only knows how to express his worry as anger. Then he and Jamie fight a bit. Keeley draws Jamie a bath at home and Roy apologizes. It’s lovely!

-

Roy x Jamie:

so afraid that time will take it all from me - LikeAMovieIOnceSaw - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 10k. A really good fic about Roy being gay. Starts from when he was little through all the Ted Lasso seasons, basically. Kind of an AU/rewrite. The scene where he and Jamie finally kiss at his house is really, really sweet. Roy starts crying because he’s so overwhelmed and didn’t think he could allow himself to have this. Also some cute stuff with Phoebe like Uncle’s Day and Roy and her going to the England match. I’m always impressed by Roy fics because the man will forever remain a mystery to me.

let your hook be always cast - Literatus - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own]  @literatus-ao3 25k. The fic starts when Jamie joins the team. There is SO much good pining, from both of them, although Roy doesn’t get it yet. And there’s a good amount of angst because obviously Jamie’s loved him forever and Roy treats him like shit when he first gets to the team. Then Roy starts to have sex dreams about Jamie, and they’re hot. Jamie is also super cute with Phoebe. He’s her favorite player and there’s a cute scene where Roy introduces them, and Jamie suggests they play a little football.

“Her mum is bringing her around in thirty minutes, and you’re going to be nice and fucking charming and you’re not going to upset her. If you do, I’ll rearrange that pretty fucking face of yours.”

Jamie blinks at him slowly. “You think I’m pretty.”

absolutely definitely nota - Chapter 1 - talkfast - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 12k. Roy watches Lust Conquers All with the yoga mums. Sort of a speed run/AU of S2 and S3 where Roy hugs Jamie after his fight with his dad, and starts training him much sooner (I think).  [Stefon voice] This fic has everything - Magic pancakes, tunnel hugs, Jamie finding out Roy watched Lust Conquers All and being self-conscious about his nails being painted on the show, Jamie painting Roy’s nails, the yoga mums meeting Jamie then making Roy a cake about it, and a tandem bike gag gift!

The moment feels too gentle. Like Roy should set the volume to maximum and startle Jamie awake.

He doesn’t do that.

Instead he just fucking sits there until Jamie shifts and stretches out his limbs with a hum. Jamie blinks blearily at the ceiling and turns towards Roy without lifting his head from the couch cushion. When he sees that Roy is still there, his mouth curves into a sweet smile.

Roy’s heart stops for a second.

I could be violet sky - liesmyth - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] @liesmyth 9k. Sadist Roy and accommodating Jamie written by one of the best authors out there! Jamie finds out Roy gets off on hurting him. Everything is consensual. In the end they talk more, and Roy admits he likes it even more because Jamie isn’t into pain. But Jamie likes it when he slaps him because it “means he’s his.” ROMANTIC BDSM MY BELOVED.

That’s kind of a trend—after Roy’s rough with him, he likes to hover, oddly solicitous, and Jamie’s not above taking shameless advantage. If Roy really wants to attend to his every need, then good for him—Jamie’s got plenty of those. He sends Roy running round the house to get him freshly squeezed orange juice or Jamie’s favorite pillow that he left in the bedroom, and Roy tells him to fuck off but he still does it, and always tilts down his chin to accept a kiss.

-

“I can be great all the time. Watch me.”

“I’m always watching you.” Roy’s voice is raw, frightfully open. “Leave me no other choice, do you?”

Roy Kent's Dramatic but Inevitable Jamie Tartt Induced Bisexual Awakening - chelicerata - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own]  8k. This is part 1 of a lovely set of fics. Roy kisses Jamie when they’re on the couch after he makes dinner for them, they fool around, and then Roy freaks out a bit and Jamie leaves. There is a little bit of angst here! Eventually Roy apologizes (after talking with Keeley about bi stuff), and then R & J have dinner and fool around but this time with feelings! Poster talk. Light D/s. All things that are good.

The thing about him and Jamie - the worst part, the absolute worst part, the part he thinks about when staring up at his ceiling at four in the fucking morning is that Roy doesn’t just want to fuck Jamie, and doesn’t just want to be his friend again. He wants to kiss his stupid pouting face and tell him what a good job he’s doing and fucking cuddle with him at night and sink his teeth in and never, ever, ever let him go.

-

“I’m not doing anything to fuck up my star player,” Roy says, aware that he’s being completely fucking mental about it.

“Your star player, am I?” Jamie looks immensely pleased and at least a little turned on.

Roy Kent's Long and Incredibly Fucking Irritating Coming Out Saga - chelicerata - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] Part 2 of the above fic. 10k. Established relationship from Roy’s perspective. The process of coming out to various people – Phoebe, Georgie and Simon, etc. This fic is so gorgeous, and you already know I’m impressed by Roy meta!

“You’re… out?” The words feel awkwardly shaped in Roy’s mouth, like he’s mimicking lines that he’s only seen in films, lines that shouldn’t belong to him.

better than dreaming - Literatus - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 16k. Get-together fic. Jamie buys Roy a Garmin watch and it tells him every time Jamie jerks off (via his wrist). Lots of talk about how Jamie used to be obsessed with him (which I love!). And Roy telling Jamie he can keep a house key. And Roy wanting more than sex. And just!!! So many lines in this made me want to scream with happiness.

“Easy,” Jamie soothes, like he’s coaxing a skittish animal. “Bet you’ve not been wanking. Probably afraid you were going to think about me, right?”

Roy’s skin heats. “Shut up.”

“I think about you,” Jamie says, conversationally. “Have done for fucking years. That poster on my wall I told you about—we had a beautiful relationship.” His eyes are dark and lovely. “I had this fantasy ‘bout you.”

-

Roy could fall asleep like this, standing up and with Jamie in his arms. “I don’t yell at you.”

“Yeah, you do.” Jamie presses in closer, dipping his head so that his entire face is pressed into the curve of Roy’s neck. “Like it though. Makes me better. Feels like you care.”

There’s so much to unpack in that, too much for when there’s Phoebe in the other room. So he spreads his palm across Jamie’s back instead, letting it settle right between his shoulder blades while fighting the urge to dip the other beneath his jacket to touch skin.

where it goes from here - Literatus - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] A 12k fic where Jamie gets hit in the butt with a ball, and that leads to them getting together. FULL of fanboy Jamie (he gets fucked in the trophy room). The dialog is really good, and the ending is so sweet. Roy tells Jamie he wants a proper relationship. This particular bit has been stuck in my head ever since:

“I’m…a lot. I don’t mean to be, but I’m…Keeley said I’m suffocating.”

“I’m not Keeley,” he says, relaxing, happiness spreading through him and making his toes tingle. “Fucking suffocate me, coach. More suffocation.”

run it up - immordelle - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 16k. Roy accidentally becomes Jamie’s sugar daddy. Or rather, he shows his love through gifts. This is one of those fics that I read basically having to stop and whisper-scream into my hands, it’s so good.

The cologne, the necklace, the way everyone at Richmond and every journalist at their press conferences know, without needing it to be said aloud, that Jamie is Roy’s pet project. He’s been Roy’s this whole time.

-

“Are we going shopping?” he asks. […]

“I’m taking you shopping,” he corrects, and Jamie’s eyes widen.

7 for Roy x Jamie. Also, I adore your writing! ❤ - do i dare disturb the universe (tumblr.com) A tumblr ficlet by @reinvent-and-believe where Georgie teases Roy for being like two years younger than her and she also teases Jamie about his crush on Roy when he was younger. Love at first sight! Pure fluff. <3

A Sure Thing - smashthatlikebutton - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 14k. Jamie meets the yoga mums. Fake dating, kind of. I usually don’t like fake dating that much, but I read this and OH BOY I’m so glad I did! Roy brings Jamie to yoga night, and when the ladies assume they’re together, neither Roy nor Jamie corrects them. When Roy calls Jamie “love,” … I will NEVER RECOVER. This has the feel of a romance novel in the best way, I don’t know how else to describe it.

“Uh, no thanks,” Jamie says, looking at Roy for permission first. As though Roy would let him drink on this diet, let alone in the run-up to the Everton match. Christine raises her eyebrows at the two of them, like ”I didn’t know the two of you were like that.” Roy is incredibly surprised when Jamie flushes all over, “It’s not— he’s my— it’s part of my training.”

-

Jamie stares at him. “You’re nothing like him, you know that, right? You’re not an arsehole. Well, you are, but not in that way. You’re nice, even. In your own way.” 

Roy isn’t choked up. He is not going to cry. He stares straight ahead of him and blinks rapidly.

a little of what's going on - Literatus - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own]  A 10k fic where Roy convinces Jamie to do coke at Ted’s going away party. The hotness and the sweetness are truly cranked up to 11 here.

“Oi,” Jamie laughs. “How d’you flirt then? Is it all—I’m Roy Kent, fuck me?” “Let’s find out,” he says, lowering his voice and leaning closer. Jamie freezes, eyes wide as Roy’s voice turns into a velvet rumble. “I’m Roy Kent, fuck me.” Jamie whimpers. “You prick.”

-

“You’re fucking important to me. Muppet.”

Jamie huffs a laugh, hands fluttering light and hopeful against Roy’s side. “You love the Muppets.”

I love you, Roy thinks, but he’s not going to put that out there. Not now.

suffering, the optional pain - Literatus - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 10k. Fuuucking Christ, I loved this one. This one might not be for everyone because it isn’t that fluffy, but ohhh boy, if it’s your thing it’ll hit just right. I love a fight within an established relationship, and this one doesn’t shy away from Roy being a bastard and really snapping at everyone. Roy fucks up his knee when playing with Phoebe and gets real pissed about it. Treats everyone like shit for days. Yells at a player, snaps at Phoebe when she runs into him and it hurts his knee again. Jamie has to set him straight. Bottom!Roy, D/s, very mild dub-con.

“I deserve a fucking medal for putting up with you. Fucking hard work, you are. Making everyone walk on eggshells around you. It’s rude, is what it is. What the fuck am I going to do with you, huh?”

-

Gen:

Something to be said - macaronicism - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 6k. A really great fic from 2021 that deals with post-Man City stuff. Jamie’s nervous to go back to practice and face the guys, but he does and it’s all fine. He talks to Sam and Ted and finally Roy. It’s all very sweet and protective and really well done. This needed to happen in canon!

Lemons and Lavender - LivingProof - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 8k. A Jamie h/c fic from 2021. He ends up in the hospital and at first his dad shows up and is a piece of shit, then Roy and Ted show up and save the day. It’s SO precious. It’s technically gen, but it could be read as pre-slash. The writing is fantastic. Fuzzy Jamie written in a believable way.

Letting go, holding on - Chapter 1 - macaronicism - Ted Lasso (TV) [Archive of Our Own] 8k. Another amazing h/c story that is technically platonic. Set after the finale. Roy apologizes to Jamie about the beer date thing being about Keeley. Then finds out Jamie is planning on talking to his dad, and tells him he’s against it. Lots of emotional h/c!  Jamie stays the night at Roy’s in the spare room and gets some good sleep, and Roy gets Ted to come over the next day and talk to Jamie more about his dad, etc. <3

[gravehags]

you've got me thinking about curator reader talking about/trying to explain something really niche related to her job and copia's like "mhm yeah yes :)" but is barely getting any of it

oh absolutely love this

~~~

"Make sure you take a picture of the statue next to the ruler and on the black background. And be aware of potential glare or weird light sources. You--Copia what are you doing?"

Cardinal Copia nearly drops his phone in his haste to hide the fact that he was taking pictures of his amore rather than paying attention.

"I, eh," he laughs sheepishly, blushing when you put your hands on your hips, "The light, like you said it eh, looked good on you. What is it they call that? Golden hour? Dolcezza it was as if you had a halo beh--"

You sigh, smothering a smile.

"My love, do you need me to explain what we're doing once again?"

"Eh...sì."

You walk over and take the phone from him, gesturing at the medieval wooden statue sitting on the black cloth.

"We have to be very conscious about the light sources hitting this okay? Not just for a good photo but for preservation purposes - that's why this guy lives in the archives and out of direct sunlight. So we adjust the ruler here," you say, doing so, "In order to get an accurate reading of the size of the piece. The dimensions will also be listed in the catalog but it's good to have backups of information. The plan," you say, positioning the phone in front of it, "is to eventually get high quality camera photos of what we're cataloging but for the sake of time, phone photos it is. Sound good?"

You take the picture and observe it with a cocked head before looking up at Copia. He's got that goofy look on his face, grinning at you as you blush before him.

"You're so smart, amore," he murmurs, stepping towards you to tuck a wisp of hair behind your ear, "So smart and so pretty. I--"

You wrap your hand around his gloved wrist, smiling.

"You didn't hear a goddamn word of what I said, did you?"

"Not even a little bit," he purrs with a grin.

You sigh heavily.

"How about I set up the shots, you take the pictures. And then I'll show you how to enter information into the catalog, okay?"

"Whatever you want, amore, I am but a tool for you t--"

"Yeah you're a tool, alright," you giggle, shoving him with a cheeky smile. When his lips downturn into a sad expression you lean in and kiss him on the cheek.

"Alright, Cardinal, no more distractions. Now put on your archival gloves and help me move this."

"But I am already wearing gloves."

Sathanas. This was going to be a long day.

[wenclairfamily]

A Wednesday Christmas Carol: A Wednesday Addams Fanfiction Tale

Summary: In the days of Christmas Future, Wednesday and Enid are married with two teenage daughters. However, despite having a happier life now, Wednesday hates Christmas with a passion... which Enid and their daughters try to change...

*I wrote this story last year, but am sharing again for the holiday season. Click any of the links below to read the story, or just click "keep reading". Lots of humor and heart in this tale.

Wattpad Link, Archive of Our Own Link, Fanfiction.net Link

Wednesday Addams and Enid Sinclair. They were a duo that shouldn't have worked... but they did... and somehow their relationship resulted in marriage. Now, Wednesday and Enid work at their old school: Nevermore Academy as teachers, raising up an entire new generation; including their own twin seventeen year old daughters: Harmony and Ana. Harmony, who carries both of her mother's special abilities, continues to grow and explore the world with her girlfriend Megan. Ana meanwhile... is a different story...

****

One morning on Christmas Eve: a fresh layer of snow was laying everywhere, while the sound of Christmas carolers could be heard from a faraway distance. Harmony and Ana Addams were walking through the park together wearing winter clothes, as they were looking around at the scenery. Harmony had a small smile on her face as she said, "Wow. The town has never looked this beautiful around Christmas before. I wish Megan was here to see it." As Ana also took in the scenery, she said, "Yeah, but I think it's nice she decided to spend her Christmas with her extended family this year. It means we get one more Christmas with just the two of us and mom together before you get married." Harmony suddenly had an overwhelmed look on her face as she said, "Wow. You're right. It's also dawned on me... me and Megan need to start making some plan on what our wedding will look like." Ana smirked as she said, "Well if you want, I can officiate the wedding." A confused looking Harmony then said, "What!? Since when can you do that?" Ana continued to walk as she casually said, "Since I became an honorary priest in the catholic church. The Pope owed me a favor after I saved him from some Australian Polar Bears that were trying to swap brains with him." Harmony looked very confused for a moment... but then casually said, "Of course you did. So anyway, where's that cat of yours Ana?" As Ana turned her head in multiple directions, she said, "Yeah, I've been keeping my eye out for him, and... Wait. Hold on."

Ana then moved towards a tree where she heard meowing noises. Harmony followed, and eventually the two sisters saw behind a tree were Ana's cat and a white female cat making lovely meowing sounds at each other while they gently rubbed their heads against one another. A smiling Harmony put her hands together as she said, "Aww. How cute!" However Ana looked nervous as she said, "Oh no. Tell me that isn't the cat that belongs to..." Then Ana heard a male teenage voice yell, "Princess Snuggles!" Ana turned her head with a disgusted face, and saw a teenage boy walking towards the scene. Ana glared forward as she said, "Duncan." The teenage boy Duncan immediately saw what the two cats were doing, and quickly yelled, "Princess Snuggles, get away from that cat. He is the enemy!" Ana meanwhile took a big deep breath, and then looked straight at Duncan as she said, "Look Duncan. We may not like each other, but our two cats obviously do. So in the spirit of Christmas, lets try to make a little peace on Earth and try to get along for the sake of the love between our pets that we so love. What do you say?"

Duncan stood silent... for two seconds, before he angerly yelled, "No! You're a freak, and so is your cat!" Ana rolled her eyes and said, "So we're gonna do this the hard away." Then Ana immediately took out a taser and shoved it into Duncan's chest shocking him very hard. Duncan then fell to the ground hurt, as Ana casually said, "Okay Stormageddon the Conqueror. Lets find a nice fancy restaurant for you and Princess Snuggles to dine at." Then suddenly the sound of an explosion nearby was heard. A concerned Harmony then asked, "What was that?" Ana grinned as she said, "I don't know... but lets find out. Stormageddon the Conqueror, enjoy your date with Princess Snuggles. There's a great cat-friendly Italian place nearby you should try. We'll pick you up around six." Harmony and Ana then began to run towards the sound of the explosion as Harmony said, "It's a good thing mom and mother told us to take a long walk from the house and get some exercise today. Otherwise we might have not heard that explosion." Ana rolled her eyes as she said, "Oh, I'm pretty sure mother and mom didn't want us to take a long walk because they were concerned about our needs."

****

In the family home, Wednesday used her hands to pin Enid's shoulders to the wall of the bathroom. A smiling but slightly nervous Enid said, "Wednesday, what if the girls come home while we're in the middle of..." Wednesday then suddenly covered Enid's mouth with one hand as she said, "Silence. I sent them on a long walk. We'll have time." Wednesday then quickly pulled off her black dress as she kept a straight face, while Enid had great excitement on her face as she pulled off her own clothes. Wednesday then pulled off her underwear, and began to turn on the nearby shower. Meanwhile as Enid pulled off her underwear, she began to look confused as she said, "But why are we doing this around 11am? You usually prefer to have sex either early in the morning to help stimulate your senses, or late in the day to help relieve your stress levels. Getting hot and horny right before noon isn't normal for you." A now completely naked Wednesday turned to look at Enid as she said, "Enid, your questions shall only hinder this sexual encounter." Then Wednesday suddenly put on a pair of fake cat ears as she kept a very straight face while saying, "Now be a good puppy and obey your feline master." Enid's eyes suddenly lit up as he said, "My God, what is it about those cat ears that turns me on..."

****

Harmony and Ana were running through the woods, as Harmony yelled, "Hey. I think I see smoke. I think something crashed." A curious Ana then yelled, "I think we initially misjudged where it landed. It seems to be actually pretty close to our house." Then Harmony and Ana ran towards a smokey crater that wasn't too far from their home. Then as Harmony and Ana got close, the smoke began to disappear. Then within just a moment, Harmony and Ana realized at the center of the crater was a large red sled attached to several reindeer. Then the two teenage girls realized that sitting in the sled was a large bearded man in a red suit. A very confused and freaked out looking Ana then said, "Santa Clause?" An equally confused and freaked out Harmony then said, "What is going on here... and why did this happen so close to our house?"

****

Inside of the shower, Wednesday was in the middle of kissing Enid. Enid was very much enjoying herself as she said, "Mmm. Yes Wednesday. Yes, this is amazing. Although... do you smell smoke from outside? Also, did I hear a crashing sound a few minutes ago?" A nervous looking Wednesday then quickly got on her knees and brought her face to between Enid's legs. Out of instinct, Enid immediately said, "Ohhh! Yes Wednesday!"

****

Harmony and Ana walked carefully towards the red sled where Santa Clause was getting his bearings. Harmony then stood unsure of what to do as she said, "Hello. Who are you?" Santa smirked as he said, "Well who do you think I am? I'm Santa Clause. I was just about to begin delivering my presents to all the girls and boys around the world before my sled got brought down." A very confused Ana then stepped forward as she said, "Hold on. This doesn't make any sense. Santa Clause isn't real." Santa chuckled a bit, and then said, "Well where do you think children all over the world get their presents every year?" Harmony had a practical tone to her voice as she said, "From all the parents of the world."

Santa laughed for a moment, and then said, "You two actually believe that parents every year decide to give their kids more presents, after already losing tons of money on birthdays!? That's ridiculous! Besides, you think your mother: Wednesday Addams would have allowed you girls to receive all those colorful toys you received growing up? Not a chance! Besides, that goth gal has had it out for me for years. I've always had to be real careful delivering gifts to this house the night before Christmas every year. Now then, I wonder why I crashed so suddenly?" A look of clarity went across Harmony's face as she said, "Hold on. Our mother for years has had it out for you? I don't think your crash here was accidental."

****

In the bathroom, both Wednesday and Enid were now sitting up on the shower floor as a happy Enid said, "Mmm. That was amazing Wednesday." Wednesday then looked at a nearby clock in the bathroom as she said, "Indeed. Especially since the task is now done." Enid suddenly sat up straight as she glared at Wednesday while saying, "What task?" Wednesday suddenly looked a bit nervous as she said, "I mean... the task which was our sexual intercourse." Enid continued to glare at Wednesday while saying, "Oh no Wednesday Addams. You never refer to sex as merely a task. You were up to something just now. But since we were busy going at it in the shower, it had to be something you already laid out... and didn't want me to know!" Enid then quickly got up and began to put her clothes back on. Wednesday then quickly got up and began to put her own clothes back on as well. Enid then rushed over to the nearest window as she said, "Hold on! Is that Santa Clause outside our house!?"

****

Outside the house: Harmony and Ana were helping Santa Clause repair his sled. Ana smiled as she said, "Okay Santa. I updated your GPS, and gave all your reindeer some amazing protein shakes. You're all good to go." Then suddenly Wednesday came running out of the house holding a sword forward as she yelled with an enraged face: "Your reign of jolly ends now Saint Nick!" Enid suddenly ran out of the house and held Wednesday back as she loudly said, "Whoa! What the heck is going on!?" Santa rolled his eyes as he said, "Let me guess. You are the one that sent that missile up to make me crash." A confused Harmony then said, "Wait mother. You know Santa Clause?"

As Wednesday struggled to get free from Enid, she bitterly said, "Only by reputation. Santa Clause is one of the oldest outcasts in the world that ever attended Nevermore Academy. He had unique psychic abilities that allowed him to manipulate time and space to move across great distances within short periods, such as the entire Earth on Christmas Eve. However, rather than use his special abilities for something more productive, he's instead used his powers to perpetuate happiness around the holiday season. But after years of trying to stop his reign of good tidings to all, his time ends now!" Then Wednesday quickly broke free from Enid, and ran at Santa Clause with her sword out. However the magical reindeer quickly flew into the sky, and pulled Santa and his sled up with them. Santa laughed as he said, "Better luck next year Mrs Addams!" Once Santa and his sled were out of sight: Wednesday simply stood in front of the house, glaring up at the sky as she clenched her fists.

****

A short time later, Wednesday and Enid were sitting next to each other on the couch in their living room. Wednesday sat with anger on her face. Enid meanwhile starred at Wednesday with shock and disappointment as she said, "You tried to kill Santa with a missile, and tried to distract me with sex so I wouldn't stop you!? Wednesday, do you realize how this must make me feel!?" Wednesday kept a straight face as she said, "Terrible... because I wasn't able to get the job done." Enid gave a frustrating moaning noise as she covered her face for a moment. Then Enid turned to look at Wednesday as she said, "Wednesday, every year you always try to ruin Christmas for everyone! You try to convince all the volunteers from the Salvation Army outside the grocery store that their work has inconsequential impact on improving society, you're the only person in existence that's protested against the Angel Tree project because you believe none of their funding should be spent on toys due to their short span of use in a child's life, you regularly try to dump hot oil on any Christmas carolers that come to our door..." Wednesday interrupted Enid as she said, "They had it coming, considering they chose not to need heed the warning signs I put up around our property that explained quite clearly that trespassers and solicitors will be punished."

Enid grunted in frustration for a second, but then said, "The point is - you keep trying to ruin Christmas every year for all of us, and it's gone too far now. Look... I understood when I married you that we weren't going to have the kind of family I had while growing up. I understood we couldn't have a garden in the front of the house with flowers. I understood that you would train our children in the basics of assassination. I understood that Valentine's Day would forever involve corpses for some reason. But I don't get why we can never simply celebrate Christmas in this house. You've never even let me bring a dead tree in here for the holiday!" Wednesday kept a straight face as she said, "All Christmas trees are technically dead as soon as they're chopped down." Enid looked more angry as she said, "That's not the point! You never let me make Christmas cookies for the family, you never let me send out Christmas cards to the relatives, you never let me play Christmas music on the radio..." Wednesday interrupted Enid as she bitterly said, "If Mariah Carey still hasn't gotten the individual she wishes for every Christmas through song, then perhaps she should try a different tactic."

Enid tried to remain calm as she said, "Wednesday... you never even let our girls watch Christmas movies growing up." Wednesday kept a straight face as she said, "If you forgot, I did allow Harmony and Ana to watch one festive movie when they were five years old." Enid's eyes got wide with frustration as she said, "You showed them How the Grinch Stole Christmas, but then stopped the movie after the Grinch stole all the presents, telling our girls that was the movie's happy ending!" Wednesday kept a calm face as she said, "As I recall, doing that was a compromise I made with you. In addition, I still have accepted our long standing compromise that you and the girls shall exchange gifts and enjoy them on the morning of every December 25th."

Enid gave a sad sigh, and then said, "But you're never there with us opening presents Wednesday. You always spend every Christmas morning off doing whatever it is you do alone. Christmas is supposed to be about family!" Wednesday then glared at Enid once more as she said, "On the contrary, I thought Christmas was about celebrating the birth of an individual that was created to become a sacrifice due the declining quality of humanity." Enid looked a little more frustrated again, as she said, "But it's much more than that Wednesday. Look... instead of trying to destroy the holiday this year, you should really try embracing the Christmas spirit for once, and experience everything fun the season has to offer." Wednesday then glared at Enid while saying, "What? And turn our home into something akin of a cliche TV Christmas special?" Enid suddenly had an excited look in her eyes as she said, "Actually... that sounds like a lot of fun..."

Enid's Imagination...

On a large TV studio that was made to look like a living room, an announcer was heard saying to a large studio audience: "It's the Wenclair Family Christmas Special! Starring Enid and Wednesday Addams, along with their daughters: Harmony Addams, and Ana Addams. Also featuring special appearances by our planet's new warlord: Stormageddon the Conqueror. Plus, special warm family friendly Christmas songs that will be performed by KISS, the Sex Pistols, and world famous signer: John Lennon - who we brought back from the dead thanks to tonight's sponsor... the demons of hell! Plus, one super special surprise guest will be showing up at an unexpected moment, so don't touch that dial! And now here are your hosts... Enid and Wednesday!"

A smiling Enid then walked onto the TV set wearing a long white dress, while a grumpy looking Wednesday also walked onto the set wearing a long black dress. As Enid happily looked at the camera, she said, "Hello everyone. Welcome to our wonderful home! My name is Enid, and this is my wonderful wife: Wednesday! Say hello to the people at home Wednesday!" Wednesday then glared at one of the cameras as she said, "You all live meaningless lives if you can only have an ideal Christmas through vicariously experiencing it through this hollow performance." The studio audience then laughed very loudly.

A smiling Enid meanwhile continued to look at the camera as she said, "Well tonight we plan to have lots of guests come over, but I'm worried they won't make it due to all the unexpected snow that's coming down outside." Wednesday meanwhile continued to keep a straight face while saying, "A natural side effect of global warming, which our countries' leaders still seem to ignore." Then studio audience then immediately laughed loudly again. Enid meanwhile kept a happy face as she said, "Well I'm so excited to see what presents I'll get for Christmas this year. What are you hoping for Wednesday?" Wednesday gave a deadly glare at the camera as she said, "A guillotine... that I plan to use on whoever came up with the idea for this special." Then a grinning Enid said, "Well, me... I want... a hula-hoop!" The studio audience then happily laughed again.

Then suddenly Harmony and Ana appeared walking down a set of stairs, while Harmony said, "Good evening everyone!" The crowd then applauded and cheered loudly as Harmony and Ana came to the center of the stage. Enid then walked over to the girls as she said, "Hold on Harmony. You put your dress on backwards. Were you having 'intimate relations' with your girlfriend Megan just a minute ago, and put your clothes accidentally on backwards when you rushed down knowing the show was about to start?" Harmony gave a goofy smile as she said, "Maybe..." The studio audience laughed, as a grinning Enid said, "Holy guacamole Harmony. You sure are a handful. And Ana, I heard the state of Wyoming just got turned into jello. Did you cause that with another one of your wacky experiments?" Ana then also gave a goofy smile as she said, "Maybe..." The studio audience laughed once more, as a grinning Enid said, "Holy guacamole Ana. You sure are a handful." Meanwhile Wednesday looked angry as she said, "There is certainly nothing 'holy' about this experience."

Suddenly the doorbell rang, and an excited Enid said, "Oh my gosh everyone. That must be our super special surprise guest. Lets see who we're going to greet at the door." Enid opened the door, and then suddenly walking into the house was... Chewbacca as the classic Star Wars theme song played on speakers around him. Chewbacca then made many loud noises, as subtitles appeared below him saying: "It's not Christmas without Chewbacca!" The entire studio audience immediately cheered and clapped very loudly. A very happy Enid hugged Chewbacca as she said, "Chewy, it's great to see you. What would you like to do with us tonight?" Chewbacca then made several loud noises. Then a super excited Enid said, "You want us to go visit your family on your home planet and celebrate Life Day with them? Okay! That sounds like a perfect way to enjoy the holidays!"

Enid looked up with happy starry eyes, as an angry looking Wednesday said, "Enid, that's the most ridiculous fantasy that's ever been conjured in the history of existence." A smiling Enid then turned to look at Wednesday as she said, "But that's the thing Wednesday. Christmas is a time where you get to do silly ridiculous things that are reminiscent of childhood. It's a season to think about happy memories and embrace good times. I mean your parents told me that you actually did celebrate Christmas in your home when you were young, and loved getting gifts from Santa. You should recreate some of your favorite childhood memories with our girls before it's too late." Wednesday then stood up and angerly said, "It is a waste of time to re-create a childhood that can never be lived again. It is better to dwell on preparing for a future that is inevitable, versus dealing with the guaranteed failure of reconstructing the past." Then Wednesday quickly walked out of the room, while Enid sat with a worried look on her face.

****

An hour later: Enid, Harmony, and Ana were sitting in the kitchen eating Christmas tree shaped cookies (while Ana's cat also sat on the table eating Christmas tree shaped cat food). A smiling Ana then said, "Mmm. Mom, you make the best Christmas cookies!" A panicked looking Enid then said, "Shh! I told you... this tradition of us eating cookies on Christmas Eve is supposed to be a secret. Your mother cannot know!" A curious Harmony then said, "Mom, what's the deal with mother always trying to be so anti-Christmas? It's like she wishes the holiday didn't exist." Enid sighed, and then said, "I've been married to that woman for over seventeen years, and there are still some things I don't understand about her. I mean... your mother has certainly evolved and become much more accepting of things she never would have tolerated back when we first met. However when it comes to Christmas... she's always been a real Scrooge."

Then Ana's cat lifted it's head with a profound look on his face, and then said "Rowr." Then a wide eyed and excited Ana said, "That's a brilliant idea Stormageddon the Conqueror! We gotta Scrooge mother!" A very confused looking Enid then said, "Excuse me?" An eager looking Ana then stood up as she said, "A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. We all know the story. It's famous because of how Scrooge's experiences with seeing his past, present, and future changed his outlook on Christmas. So we just gotta re-create that experience with mother, and then her outlook on Christmas will change." A skeptical looking Harmony then said, "Yeah... but how are we gonna pull that off?" Then Ana got out her phone as she said, "Don't worry. I know a guy in the Seance Society that owes me a favor."

****

That evening, Enid was walking with Wednesday down to the basement of the home. A confused looking Wednesday then said, "I am confused as to why we going down to my private area of the house together." Then Wednesday eventually saw Harmony, Ana, and Ana's cat were sitting around a large circle on the floor that had strange carvings and candles inside of it. Wednesday glared at everyone as she said, "If you are trying to force the deceased to appear before you, don't bother. I've been trying to pull that off for years and have consistently failed." Then a smiling Enid held Wednesday's hand as she said, "Oh, we're not trying to call upon the spirits of the dearly departed Wednesday. We're trying to call upon the spirits that always have been amongst the Earth, such as... the spirits of Christmas!" A wide eyed and horrified Wednesday then said, "No! You don't mean..."

Then an excited Harmony said, "Come on mother. You've always wanted me to get more in touch with my psychic abilities. So tonight I am through a special book Ana's friend gave us." Wednesday then began to walk away as she said, "No. I refuse to be a pawn in your twisted scheme." Then a grinning Ana said, "Fine. But if this whole conjuring of spirits goes wrong, it would really stink to not have an expert on these matters around to fix everything. I mean the last thing we'd want is the spirits of Christmas to accidentally get trapped in our home for all eternity." Wednesday paused for a moment... took a deep breath... and then sat down in a chair with an angry look on her face while saying, "I longed for the day my children would be as manipulative as me... but I did not foresee it would be for such horrific goals."

Harmony smiled as she held out a book over the strange circle on the floor. Harmony then focused her mind as she said, "I, Harmony Addams, member of the Addams Family clan, descendant of Goody Addams, call upon the spirits of Christmas past, present, and future to show themselves to us tonight. I now recite the ancient chant to bring forth these spirits. Venite ad nos magni spiritus Natalis Domini. Tuam sapientiam reverenter petimus. Vosmetipsos ostendite! Appare! Appare! Fa la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!" Then suddenly a blue mist began to spin around the room. A curious Enid then said, "What's going on?" Suddenly Harmony's body began to glow as a blue energy came out of the floor and into her body. Then the mist disappeared. A worried Enid then walked towards Harmony as she said, "Harmony... are you okay?"

Harmony then turned to look at everyone with a big smile as she said, "Yes. Harmony. I am her... and yet I am not her." A confused Ana then said, "Wait. What's going on?" Harmony grinned as she said, "I'm the spirit of Christmas past. I have temporarily possessed the body of this girl. I have all her memories and personality... but also my own. Do not worry though. When I am done here, I will leave Harmony's body, and then the spirits of Christmas present and future will temporarily possess two other bodies." An excited Enid then said, "Okay. So... Spirit of Christmas Past... we're trying to help my wife Wednesday here see Christmas throughout the span of her existence. Think you and the other spirits could help us?" A smiling Harmony then said, "Ah, yes. Harmony has many memories of how her mother feels towards this season. Hmm. Well... yes! Me and my fellow spirits will indeed help your entire family see things more clearly tonight. Now, first things first... I shall show you events from long ago that you all would benefit to see." Then Harmony waved her arms around, and suddenly everyone in the room disappeared.

Wednesday, Enid, Harmony, Ana, and Ana's cat all suddenly appeared in the old Addams Family home. An excited Enid then said, "Wow Wednesday. We're in your childhood home!" A smiling Harmony then said, "Yes. Nearly thirty years ago. Don't worry though. We haven't traveled through time. We're simply witnessing the past as unseen observers. Now behold..." Then everyone saw in the living room of the old Addams Family home: Gomez, Morticia, Fester, young Pugsley, and young Wednesday were sitting around a Christmas tree. The tree has no green pines, but still had many decorations on it, along with many presents surrounding it. An excited young Pugsley then held up some bows and arrows as he said, "Wow! My own archery set! I can't wait to use this!" Then Fester happily said, "How about we go outside and you can practice hitting apples off the top of my head?" An excited young Pugsley then said, "Wow. Can I father?" A happy Gomez then said, "Of course Pugsley. But be careful. If you hit Uncle Fester by accident, that will ruin the arrow." Then as Pugsley and Fester left the room, an excited young Wednesday then jumped up as she said, "Mother! Father! Look! Santa gave me a new Marie Antoinette doll, and a new guillotine that cuts heads much faster! I can't wait till I see how quick I can chop this dolls' head off!" Meanwhile as Enid watched, she held Wednesday's hand while saying, "Look Wednesday! Little you is so happy on Christmas! See how much joy this holiday used to give you." Wednesday however had an angry look on her face... but also looked ashamed as she said, "We all have a past."

Then everyone turned their heads, as they saw the door to the home open. Then suddenly Wednesday's grandmother appeared walking into the home carrying a bag as she said, "Merry Christmas everyone!" Then a smiling young Wednesday ran towards her grandmother as she yelled, "Grandma!" Then young Wednesday hugged her grandmother tightly. Wednesday's grandmother made a warm smile as she said, "How are you doing my favorite grand-child?" A smiling young Wednesday then said, "I'm okay. But grandma, why do you say I'm your favorite grand-child? Mother and father say you love me and Pugsley equally." Wednesday's grandmother chuckled as she said, "Aw, come on. We all know that's a bunch of phony baloney. Every parent and grandparent has a favorite. Just be grateful it's you. So anyway, let me see that mouth of yours. How's it looking?" A smiling young Wednesday pointed to her mouth as she said, "I've lost three baby teeth in the last four weeks. See the holes in my mouth!" Wednesday's grandmother looked amazed as she said, "Wow Wednesday! You look uglier than ever before! I'm so proud to call you my grand-daughter. Anyway, it looks like Santa accidentally left a present for you in my room. So here's your extra Christmas gift." Then Wednesday's grandmother took out of her bag: an old record player. Young Wednesday's eyes lit up as she said, "Wow! It looks so old and gloomy! Can I play a song and dance to it?" Wednesday's grandmother chuckled as she said, "Sure. But you'll need a dance partner. Not me. I'm too old."

Then Lurch suddenly walked into the room as he said, "Uuuuuuuuh." Then an excited young Wednesday immediately jumped up and said, "Hey Lurch! Dance with me!" Then young Wednesday immediately started playing a dance song on the record player. Young Wednesday then walked over to Lurch as she said, "This is the latest. It's called the droop." Then young Wednesday started shaking her legs while waving her arms back and forth. Lurch stood looking uncertain of what to do, while Morticia (who had been watching everything) said, "Come now Lurch. I know there's that zombie girl living down the street that you've been wanting to impress. I'm sure if you learned a few dance moves, you'd give her one more reason to not return to the grave." Then a young Wednesday happily said, "Yeah. I think that zombie girl down the street is a swinger." Lurch looked confused as he said, "Swinger?" As young Wednesday continued to dance, she said, "You don't want her to think you're square do ya?" Lurch then quickly turned his head. Then an excited young Wednesday said, "Then if you learn how to dance well, she'll think you're boss." Lurch looked confused again as he said, "Boss?" A happy young Wednesday continued to dance as she said, "Neat. Groovy. Come on. Try it." Then Lurch began to attempt to copy little Wednesday's dance moves.

Meanwhile: Wednesday, Enid, Harmony, and Ana had been watching the entire scene. Everyone tried to keep a straight face... but then suddenly Enid, Harmony, and Ana's mouths burst open as they began to laugh hysterically. As tears came out of her eyes, Ana said, "Really mother? Swinger? Neat? Groovy? What century did you grow up in?" As Enid chuckled, she said, "Be nice Ana. I mean... you don't want your mother to think you're square do ya?" Then Enid fell down laughing more. Meanwhile Ana's cat ran over to the scene of young Wednesday and Lurch dancing, and then began to dance with his little paws beside them. Then Enid and Ana joined in as they began to mimic young Wednesday's dance moves. Meanwhile Wednesday glared at the scene for a moment... and then glanced at Harmony as she said, "Be honest with me. You're really the spirit of Christmas Torture, aren't you?"

Meanwhile little Wednesday ran over to her grandmother as she said, "Thank you for the record player grandma!" Then Wednesday's grandmother grinned as she said, "Oh, but there's more. I also got one more surprise gift. How would you like your very own, straight from the Tennessee prison system, electric chair!" Then Wednesday's grandmother pulled a curtain nearby, and showed hiding behind the curtain was an old rusty electric chair. A super happy Wednesday jumped up and down as she yelled, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! My own electric chair!" Then young Wednesday immediately hugged her grandmother as she said, "Thank you so much! I love you grandma!" Wednesday's grandmother smiled while hugging Wednesday as she said, "I love you too Wednesday. So... how about we find your brother and test this on him." A young Wednesday grinned as she said, "Neat."

Meanwhile: Wednesday, Enid, Harmony, and Ana were still watching. As Enid put a hand on Wednesday's shoulder, she said, "Just look how happy Christmas used to make you Wednesday. Doesn't this change how feel about it now?" Wednesday then crossed her arms, and glared at Enid while saying, "No." Then Harmony smiled as she said, "Well, there's still more to see... but not with me. The rest of your journey will be led by my fellow spirits. Now... we depart." Then a blue mist began to surround the group, and suddenly they disappeared.

In a blue flash: Wednesday, Enid, Harmony, Ana, and Ana's cat all appeared in the basement of their home again. As Wednesday looked around, she sat back down in a chair while saying, "Well this is at least some improvement." Ana then walked towards Harmony as she said, "Harmony... are you back to normal?" Harmony nodded her head as she said, "Yeah. The spirit of Christmas past has left my body. But... where is the spirit of Christmas present?" Then Ana looked puzzled as she said, "Well it's not with me... and it's not with mother. So that means..." Then everyone turned their heads and looked at a grinning Enid... who then waved her hands and said, "What's up party people! I'm the spirit of Christmas present... with a big dash of Enid as well! So... who wants some gifts?" Then Enid snapped her fingers, and suddenly several wrapped gifts magically appeared in the room. A confused Harmony then said, "What's up with these?" Enid raised one eyebrow as she said, "Well I am the spirit of Christmas Present. It's a pun. Get it? Come on everyone. Check out what's inside."

Harmony then opened one gift as she said, "Let see what's in here. Hey! There are a few Christmas movie DVD's in here." Then Ana opened another gift as she said, "Yeah, along with some old Christmas music CD's. Hold on. These are copies of songs and movies we listen to and watch every Christmas when mother is gone from the house all day." Then Enid glanced at Wednesday as she said, "Come on Wednesday. Time for everyone to see what's inside your present." Then Wednesday reluctantly walked over and opened one gift before her... only for everyone to see nothing inside. A confused looking Ana then said, "I don't get it. Why is mother's present empty?" Then a bitter looking Wednesday said, "Because this is all Christmas means to me now... nothing."

Then Wednesday tore up the empty box, and threw it to the ground. Suddenly all of reality around the women came apart, and everyone saw themselves now standing in a black void. A nervous Harmony then asked, "Where are we now?" Enid kept calm as she said, "You're looking into a manifestation of what Wednesday's soul is always like on Christmas. A black void that contains nothing." Then a confused Ana asked, "But why?" A confused looking Harmony then said, "It doesn't have to be this way. Mother, before this black void appeared - you saw all the fun stuff that is always part of Christmas for the rest of the family. Don't you want to be part of that? Christmas doesn't have to be full of emptiness." Then Wednesday glared at everyone as she said, "All of you make those frivolous things part of your Christmas. But not I! End this display now spirit!" Enid sighed for a moment, and then said, "As you wish." Then a blue mist began to surround the group, and suddenly they disappeared.

In a blue flash: Wednesday, Enid, Harmony, Ana, and Ana's cat all appeared in the basement of their home again. As Enid looked around she said, "Whoa. Okay, that was weird. But I'm me again. So now I guess we're about to be visited by the spirit of Christmas Future." Wednesday rolled her eyes as she said, "This will only be remotely enjoyable if he actually chooses to show up in his traditional grim form." Then as Ana looked around she said, "Well I still feel like myself." Then a confused looking Harmony said, "Yeah. And I'm definitely still me too. But if the spirit of Christmas Future didn't possess mother, mom, me, or Ana... who did he possess?" Then suddenly the four women heard a raspy male voice say, "Well it's about time I finally get to voice my feelings to all of you doll faces." Ana suddenly had a very surprised look on her face as she said, "No way!" Then everyone turned their heads and saw Ana's cat sitting on top of a table smirking as he said, "How do you do ladies? I'm the Spirit of Christmas Future, with a mix of your feline friend's personality and memories. And by the way, the part of me that is your cool cat has so many things he's wanted to say to the lot of you dames for ages."

A super excited Ana then exclaimed, "Stormageddon the Conqueror! This is the coolest thing ever! I can't believe my best friend is now finally talking to me. This is unreal." Ana's cat smiled as he said, "Well, hey. I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. But thanks for letting me know I'm your best friend Ana. I mean outside of a cat, a book is a girls' best friend. Inside of a cat though, it's too dark to read." Then a confused looking Enid asked, "What's with the way you're talking? You sound like you're from a black and white movie, or some old comic strip." Then Ana's cat raised one eyebrow as he said, "Hey. If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower." Then a curious Harmony asked, "So since you can talk now... can you tell us the full details on where you as a cat originally came from?" Ana's cat then held up one paw as he said, "Hey. The part of me that is the Spirit of Christmas Future isn't allowed to tell you anything about your cat's past. Only what he's feeling in the here and now. Those are my principles; and if you don't like them... well I have others."

Then Enid cleared her throat for a second, and then said, "Well... the part of you that is the Spirit of Christmas Future... can you show my wife her future now?" Ana's cat then glanced at Wednesday as he said, "Yes. Your gloomy loving wife. Ah, marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?" Then Wednesday rolled her eyes as she said, "This prolonged torture is sickening me." Then Ana's cat jumped over to Wednesday as he said, "Well if you're not feeling well, maybe we need a doctor. Quick! Ring the nearest golf course!" Then Wednesday angerly glared at Ana's cat as she loudly said, "Can we have this ridiculous experience expedited!?" Ana's cat then smiled as he said, "Hey! You just said the secret word! Now it's time to show all you ladies a glimpse into a possible future!" Then suddenly a blue mist surrounded everyone, and they immediately disappeared.

In a flash: Wednesday, Enid, Harmony, Ana, and Ana's cat appeared in a dark field. A concerned looking Harmony then asked, "Where are we?" Ana's cat then casually said, "The future, doll faces. Now, why don't you dames look at what's before you." Then Enid suddenly saw a dark cemetery in front of her as she said, "The cemetery!? NO!" Then Ana's cat quickly said, "Whoa! No, no! Not over there. Over there to your right." Then everyone turned their heads to the right and saw a retirement home. Enid breathed a huge sigh of relief as she said, "Ohhh. A retirement home. That makes more sense." Meanwhile Ana looked confused as she asked, "Who puts a cemetery right next to a retirement home?" Then a curious Harmony walked forward as she said, "Hold on. Everyone... is that who I think it is in that window over there?" The four women then walked over to a window close to them, and then saw sitting in a small retirement home apartment was a very old Wednesday reading a book all alone. Enid breathed a sigh of relief as she said, "Oh good. I'm so glad to see Wednesday is still alive in the future." Ana's cat then jumped on the window sill as he said, "Hey. No person goes before their time... unless the boss leaves early."

Then inside the retirement home apartment unit, three female teenage volunteers walked into the room. One of the female teens then said, "Good evening Mrs Addams. We're volunteers with the local high school. We've come to bring you some special Christmas gifts. We made them for all the residents here." Old Wednesday rolled her eyes as she said, "Christmas presents, again? You do know I could report you all for elderly abuse." Meanwhile as Enid watched through the window, she said, "Wait. I'm not here with Wednesday, but some random teenage volunteers are? What's up with that?" Then Ana's cat grinned as he said, "I don't know, but all I can say about those young ladies over there is they remind me of some girls in bikinis I saw at the beach last summer. I even took pictures of them, only to realize they weren't well developed. But hopefully when I see them again next year, puberty will take care of that." Ana looked very surprised as she said, "Stormageddon the Conqueror! How can you talk about teenage girls like that!?" Ana's cat grinned as he said, "Hey. You're only as young as the woman you feel. Wait. Those teenage girls are leaving! Hey ladies! Come back! Let me know when those outfits get too heavy for you! Rowr!"

Ana's cat then ran off, while inside the retirement home unit - an old Enid walked into the room. Old Enid then looked at old Wednesday as she said, "Hey Wednesday. I'm about to go see the girls and the grand-kids. You sure you don't want to come to the big family Christmas party?" Old Wednesday glared at old Enid as she said, "I told you. I will never participate in any ridiculous Christmas parties. I have better things to do on this day anyway." Old Enid then looked very angry as she said, "Wednesday, I've tried for decades now, but... I just don't get why you won't ever do any Christmas activities with me and the rest of our family. I guess I won't be seeing you again until New Years." Old Enid then stormed out of the apartment unit.

Meanwhile: Wednesday, Enid, Harmony, and Ana had watched the entire scene. Enid then turned to look at Wednesday as she said, "Now do you see where your choices will lead you Wednesday? You'll forever be alone on Christmas not doing the things the rest of your family likes to do. How does that make you feel?" Wednesday then crossed her arms, and kept a completely straight face as she said, "Like I won." Enid then groaned in frustration as she turned her head away. Ana's cat then walked back over to the group as he said, "Well, I lost track of those ladies. But it's okay. I still got Princess Snuggles in the present, so I'll take that." Then a worried Harmony looked at Ana's cat as she said, "Spirit of Christmas Future, I don't think this journey turned out right. My mother hasn't experienced a change of heart when it comes to Christmas."

Ana's cat made a little smile as he said, "Eh, a change of heart won't do her any good. She'll still have the same face. But I've shown all you dames what you were meant to see tonight. So it's time to go home." Ana then got on her knees to look at her cat as she said, "Okay. Well... I guess I'm never gonna really hear you speak again then." Ana's cat looked down for a moment, and then looked right at Ana as he said, "Ana... listen... the part of me that's your cat just wants you to know..." Ana then held a hand up while smiling as she said, "Stormageddon the Conqueror... you don't have to say anything." Ana's cat paused for a moment... and then made a little smile as he said, "I never did." Then a blue mist surrounded everyone, and then suddenly they disappeared.

****

The next day (in the present): Enid, Harmony, and Ana were sitting in the living room wearing Christmas themed pajamas as they were surrounded by wrapped presents. A smiling Enid then said, "Okay. We already called the relatives on the phone, Ana's cat is off on a little Christmas date with his lady cat friend, and we've already eaten breakfast. So... who now wants to open gifts first?" Suddenly Wednesday came down the stairs wearing a black coat. Wednesday paused as she looked at the rest of her family surrounded by gifts. The rest of the family looked back at Wednesday for a moment. Then after the moment passed... Wednesday turned her back to everyone and left out the front door. Enid sighed, and then said, "I still can't believe that after everything we went through, Wednesday didn't learn anything."

Everyone sat quiet for another moment... until Harmony suddenly broke the silence as she said, "Wait a minute. The spirits we saw last night said they would help the entire family see things more clearly. What if... we were supposed to learn something last night?" Then Ana began to ponder as she said, "Yeah. I mean... when we saw mother in the future, she was all alone... just like she is now every year." Harmony nodded her head as she said, "Yeah. Every year mother just leaves the house all alone while we celebrate Christmas... but we never go where she goes. Does anyone know what mother does while alone every Christmas?" Suddenly a look of clarity went across Enid's face as she said, "Wait. I... I think I know..."

As the cold wind blew threw the air, Wednesday Addams sat alone in a cemetery. Wednesday then starred at a tombstone in front of her, which had words engraved into it which said: "RIP - Esmeralda Eudora Addams. Mother to Gomez and Fester. Grandmother to Pugsley and Wednesday." Wednesday then put several dead flowers in front of the grave as she softly said, "Merry Christmas Grandma. I... I wish you were still here with me." Then suddenly Wednesday heard Enid's voice yell, "Wednesday!" Wednesday turned her head and saw Enid, Harmony, and Ana walking towards her. As the three women approached Wednesday, a surprised Harmony said, "Wait a minute. That's Great-Grandma Addams' grave. Also... look at the dates listed there." Then an astonished Ana said, "Wait. The day she died was... December 25th?"

Enid sat down next to Wednesday as she said, "Wednesday... why didn't you tell us?" A few tears slowly began to appear in Wednesday's eyes as she said, "Because... for many, Christmas is a day of joy and happy childhood memories. But for me... all it reminds me of is... is..." Then suddenly Wednesday broke down and burst into tears as she began to sob. Enid immediately held Wednesday close as she said, "It's okay Wednesday. We're here for you. Any time you want to be here... we'll stay with you here as long as you want." Harmony and Ana then got on the ground and put their arms around their two mothers as well. The family of four then held each other close as the chilly Christmas day slowly began to feel a little less cold.

THE END

[lordsireno]

Urban explorer Goal has her next target in sight: The mall that was abandoned after a fatal fire. And this time she's got friends.

Rufus came on the promise of spending the night with a beautiful girl in an all you can smash and steal event. Cletus came along on the promise of spending the night with a beautiful girl, but did it really have to be somewhere so filthy? Toni was here as the usual company Goal had on her trips, and Argus had been instructed to bring Goal home the moment something went wrong.

But there may be more secrets to uncover than just the back rooms and service tunnels...

(intro snippet under the cut!)

“I can’t believe I let myself be dragged along on this stupid excursion.”

No one spared Cletus a glance as the five emerged from the overgrowth, out onto the cracked pavement of the parking lot. Before them loomed the massive structure of the abandoned shopping mall, stretching off into the distance.It was a mild evening, warmth slowly fading now the sun was on the other side of the building, with a breeze that gave way to quiet squeaking of broken lights and rustling of dried out bushes.

“Alright, according to the map-” Goal took the folded paper from her pocket, something she’d copied from the library archives, “There’s a fire escape that leads into the cinema. Hopefully since this end is so far from the entrance and damaged areas, it should have the least amount of security.”

Toni gave a small laugh as she dropped her cigarette and snuffed it out with her toe, “Don’t you find it ironic we’re sneaking in through a fire escape, when this place was shut down because people couldn’t escape the fire?”

“Let’s try to respect those who gave us the urban explorers dream location.” Goal pouted.

Rufus scoffed, “My dream location would be one of those spooky mental hospitals in the woods, that was also used to perform unethical experiments in an attempt to make some type of super soldier, that ultimately they lost control of and were destroyed by. But I guess potentially haunted by holiday shoppers' works too.”

The scavenger rifled through his pockets, producing a hand-held camcorder which he shoved into Argus’ hands.

“Okay, start filming.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re in charge of recording our adventure!”

Argus scowled, “No, I’m in charge of dragging Goal’s body back to her Father when this all goes wrong. That’s all.”

“It’s gonna be ages before we get to anything exciting, so just make yourself useful in the meantime, arsehole.”

“Oh I could end this whole excursion right here junk rat.”

Goal stepped between the two, pushing them apart by their shoulders.

“We agreed- no fighting, they’ll be enough of that if the guards find us. Please play nice.” She pulled her sadded eyes, “For my sake?”

Rufus stuck out his tongue in victory, while Argus muttered something under his breath and shoved the camera into Cletus’ hands, ignoring his confused protests. Pleased at the resolution, Goal turned and led the group across the cracked ground to a rusted stairwell that still clung to the outer wall. Red flecks flitted through the air as each scaled the steps, Rufus causing a mighty groan in the structure when he pushed forward to reach the door first. While chained, the crowbar he pulled from his coat made short work of the forgotten door, opening a dark hole into the depths.

At the back of the group, Cletus spared one last glance at the outside, flicking on the camera with a forlorn sigh.

“If this recording is the only thing they find of us, let it be known I was totally against it all.”

[ricardian-werewolf]

Ruleth England Under A Hogge

Chapter two: What scares me

Ao3 link:

Summary:

Cecily-Anne, while waiting for her train to Ravka to depart, is forced to contend with some of the more explicit evils of her father's regime. She begins to see how history can so easily be twisted, and in some cases - removed entirely. When the push comes to the shove, she is forced to make a choice in where she will stand for both now, and the future she hungers to see.

Notes:

TWs: mentions of Swastikas, racism/xenophobia in the context of fascist vitriol, violence, and death. PTSD.

Please Note - the memorials mentioned in this chapter have links In the below portion of the chapter notes for viewing.

Tagging @lordbettany @dreadbirate @rovinglemon

Waterloo Station, a week later.

Amidst all the glitz and glamor of one’s royal progress to be wed, Cecily stood alone.

In her mouth was a player’s cut cigarette, and in her hand was her pocketbook. She scribbled out tag after tag, passing them to her fathers’s long suffering valet, Reginald Jeeves. Wondering why the man had decided to stay in the monster's service was like trying to understand why God made sin. Impossible to conceive of, and endlessly exhausting to ponder.

Cecily sniffed, examining her smudged tag for one of the many hatboxes Lehzen had sent from Locke and Co. She groaned. Rubbing a hand over her eyes, Cecily chugged back the contents of a silver hip flask. In the distance, Richard gave pronouncements to a cheering crowd. The princess wondered if patricide in public was a killing offense by the killer. She lifted a lid on a small trunk and sniffed.

“What’s in here?”

“That would be your evening gloves.”

“How much am I supposed to be bringing with me?” Cecily asked, crushing her cigarette under her oxford heel. She sighed, rolling her shoulders back. Her glasses were dirty, so she rubbed them on the edge of her cream silk blouse. The morning’s chill hadn’t quite dissipated, causing her to pull the edges of her short, hussar-style cavalry jacket around herself. All of the outer garments she wore were in her heraldic color of hunter's green, and emblazoned with a stag in rampart on either collar point.

Reading a book on Grecian mythology at the mere age of seven had sent Cecily on a quest to embody the virgin, and extremely dangerous goddess Artemis. Her father expected her to feel akin to Athena, but that birth-story hit too off the mark for her. A massive headache like that and Cecily would’ve been left for the wolves.

So, Artemis it was.

She examined the cuffs of her jacket, two stag-heads with their antlers curled towards the skull. Entirely decorative. The collar of her jacket resembled a set of antlers reaching up to strangle her. She sniffed, again. Why must everything she wore be heavy, cut in a military fashion, and restrictive? Cecily moved to regard her heeled oxfords, longing to slip them off and pad around in her stockinged feet. The stone under-foot hurt her heels and made her ankles swell. So much for fashion’s sake.

Sighing, she returned to tagging her hatboxes. Lehzen hadn’t trusted the maids to do it, since of course. Spies - foreign girls pawing over your English clothes . Sprinkling poisons and itching powders . Clicking her tongue, Cecily snapped the lid back on her pen, and grumbled. “I believe I shall flag even before we leave this blasted island.” She murmured. Jeeves raised a brow. “Nerves, Your Grace?”

“Nerves!” She scoffed. “No, Jeeves. Sheer exhaustion and shall we say-” Cecily gestured to her father. “A desire for some level of contact from him.”

Jeeves inclined his head. “When you wish to remove the high walls around yourself, please, inform me. Until then, I would not advise you to put up with such a strategic failure while you are in such a mood, Your Grace.”

“Strategic failure?”

”Your father chooses to make these pronouncements to hide your evident…”

”Do not speak of that.” Cecily snapped coldly, then tempered her mood. Flexing her gloved fingers, she sighed. “Apologies.”

“As I mentioned, your high walls have made you… irritable. Seeing as you have been also forced to tag your own hat boxes, I would advise I take that over. Please, feel assured that you may find your cabin before anyone comes looking.”

Cecily nodded once, and swept off to the train, her cape whirling in her wake as she strode across the platform. However, something caused her to pause. High above her head, the banners of the House of York fluttered in the breeze. She recognized the White Rose, the Whyte Boar and her own sigil of the Stag, antlers reaching skyward. Yet, there was another banner being unfurled. As Cecily stared up at it, she could only watch in horror as the flag flared out.

The Union jack etched with the same twisted symbol that had spread across Germany like wildfire. That twisted Hindu symbol that’d been taken by Adolf Hitler as his own personal emblem of the National Socialist Party and made…

A monstrosity.

Now, it was on the Union Jack. Cecily’s head turned to the left and she realized with a jolt, the sight of the war memorials to the Great War’s dead being… broken down.

“No!” She gasped, running across the platform to the statue that had originally been at Paddington Station for their war dead. Throwing herself in front of the workers, Cecily’s left arm hit the marble floor hard, and she felt the jarring impact of possible breakage surge through her system. Sobbing weakly, she looked up at the workers with their blackshirts, red armbands, and snarled.

“Not this! NEVER THESE!”

“Y-your highness?” One of the workers, a mere boy, kneeled down to help her. Cecily lurched back, her elbow of her other arm slamming into the memorial’s base. She looked up into the carved face of the soldier, remembering with some briefness, the horrors of the medical tents behind the lines.

“You’ve not seen the trenches, boy .” Cecily hissed, ignoring her broken arm. “How dare you take down these memorials?! How dare you dishonor the dead! Your fathers friends died in service and THIS IS HOW YOU HONOR THEM?!”

The boys lurched back like cornered fawns, all bony legs and unbalanced forms. Cecily bared her teeth, raking a hand into the stone floor. She looked to her right, to the sight of Richard still lamenting the fact that foreign invasion of immigrants had polluted this country. Throwing out all the non-anglos made perfect sense. Renewal.

A sense of rebirth.

Cecily gritted her teeth and the wolf inside her rib-cage surged to the forefront, longing for release, to claw itself free of its flesh prison. Slamming her fist into the stone floor, Cecily bowed her head and sighed deeply. Counting back from thirty only worked on some occasions, so she instead began to wordlessly repeat the Lord's prayer. The BUF wanted a Christian state that would heal the divides of Catholicism and Protestantism, so Cecily went older than modern English.

PATER NOSTER, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum. Adveniat regnum tuum. Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra. Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, sed libera nos a malo. Amen.

Amen.

Cecily rose her head again and glared at these boys. The one holding a hammer stumbled further back at the sight of two medals stitched into the front of her shirt: The victory and War medals. A veteran. The one holding nothing, who’d reached for her first, glanced at her in shock and horror.

“Your Grace.” He breathed. “I-”

“Don’t.” Cecily tugged up her armband with the circle and flash, then rose to her feet. Her black uniform with its cape of black satin and wolfs fur collar swished about her calves. She righted her hat and examined her medals for any signs of wear and tear. Then, she glanced at the boys through her bottle-cap glasses.

“Do not touch that memorial again. What others are being destroyed?”

“Euston, the City of London…” The two boys rattled the names off and all Cecily could think of with each beat of her heart, were the dead who laid in graves from the sea to Mons. Those men and boys who’d died in service for God and Empire, now being defiled.

“What of the Cenotaph?”

“Untouched, though King Richard has given an ultimatum that it shall be etched with the flash.”

“What?” Cecily’s voice dropped and she leaned forward. “Speak of this again?”

“Yes, your Grace.” One of the boys murmured. “The original etching is being undone and this’s taking its place, along with a bunch of other party emblems.”

“The wreaths from Remembrance Sunday?”

“Burned.”

Cecily’s stomach twisted. She had laid a wreath at the base of that memorial and watched veterans, now many into mid-adulthood with their BUF armbands, watching her with empty stares. She closed her eyes again, recalling the faces of dead men, the pallor of whiteness.

Death was always with her. Its claws sunk deep into her skin and refused to leave. So, she brushed off her lapels and stepped forward, hearing her leather boots cracking as she moved across the platform. Yet, not towards the train that would carry her to Ravka and safety.

No, she moved forwards over flat concrete and stone like it was the muds and tangled wire of Passchendale with the full intent to murder her father. He had earned it in more ways then one, but this… this sin was the worst. It screamed to many that there was no care for history but the one the BUF said was law. Yet, to Cecily and her veterans, in all states, stated clearly that this was their Last Post. The curtain was falling, the lights were dimming.

Soon, they would be as dead as their friends and foes lying in graves in France and Belgium. Death haunted this island, and its princess.

Cecily crept closer to the podium that her father stood upon, its marble front leveled at the top to allow him to read his written speech. She could see the typed manuscript with his school-boys copperplate in red of the edits he made. The ink, as red as fresh blood, darkened in the grimy light filtering down through the massive glass arch over their heads. Cecily found herself looking up once more to the swastika and boar, then she slipped her hand to the knife nestled at her belt.

The bayonet.

Yet not just anyone’s - hers. She recognized it the moment she’d held it. Now, she would use it to end the life of the man who’d made her life a misery.

“For what has National Socialism given England, I say?”

The crowd of mainly train-workers and party members gave a hearty cry of all of the work projects and social programs. Cecily’s grip tightened on the blade, and a bead of sweat rolled down her face. She would not falter, she would not fail now.

She noted her father’s eyes slide to her, and she straightened instinctively, putting on her most winning smile. Standing tall, Cecily took her position at his side and slipped the knife from the sheathe.

“Your tie’s crooked.” She murmured as she leaned over.

“What?” Richard hissed, glancing down at his tie. In that second, Cecily had driven the knife blindly into his chest. Yet, two things quickly made themselves apparent. The first was that he was wearing armor under the tunic and linen shirt that Jeeves had so carefully ironed.

The second was that the metal of his armor broke steel.

“You-” Richard gasped. Fury turned his face red, then gray, and finally white. Not as white as a corpse, with the greenish pallor of rot and rigor mortis, but fear . For all of his predictions and paranoia of assassination not even Richard, Duke of Gloucester and Ordained King, had assumed his daughter to be a killer.

Cecily twisted the knife in further, desperation and anger fueling her. But, it made no difference. Her father was as unkillable as the Calydonian Boar. His hide was impenetrable. And in her foolishness, Cecily-Anne was to be trampled under his hooves.

Run. Run as far as you can . Some part of her mind was still working as her fog of anxiety lifted and she was met with the true horror of her actions. She was a criminal now, a prime target against the Fascist state of Britain. She had nearly killed its king. She was a pariah.

Lifting her head, Cecily was dimly aware of the sounds of sirens, of screams. The crowd had not rushed her to tear her in two, for they seemed held at bay. Cecily shook her head and looked down at her flesh, curious as to why they were pointing.

Light glowed from her flesh, wreathing her father and she in a golden web of light. Desperately, Cecily tried to swat it away, but it only grew in strength as her panic heightened. “Help.” She whispered.

“You’ll get no help here .” Richard snarled, jerking Cecily’s head back by her hair. The light flashed, growing brighter. It was a spark waiting for the fires of rage that had always thrummed under her skin. The wolf inside her chest howled a war cry. Cecily adjusted her spectacles and spat in Richard’s face.

“I never asked for it, Father .” She hissed. Rage and fear were making her irrational. Dimly out of the corner of her eye, she could see her father’s medical team preparing something. A sedative to control the chaos that was spilling out like a gunshot wound. Cecily looked up once more to the swastika looming over all with its twisted, unblinking eye. She raised her arm in the air in a salute, yet with her fist closed.

Then, in Ravkan, she screamed.

“Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!"

The workers, many of whom had secretly joined communist underground cells in the years before the takeover, surged forward. Complete and utter chaos erupted out, and with it, the web of light around Cecily exploded too, in a wild flash-bang. Cecily felt her father’s grasp on her hair slip. She jerked out of his grasp, and raced across the platform to the train that was waiting for her. She finally felt the pain of her bruised arm that had not broken as she lurched into the first class cabin. Behind her, the doors slammed shut and the train immediately rolled into motion.

From the shadows, Jeeves stepped out of the gloom and bowed.

“Your highness, care for a refreshment while we head towards the coast to board the Ravkan airship that your betrothed sent?”

“Certainly, Jeeves.” Cecily plucked the crystal glass of brandy from the tray and collapsed into a chair. As the train gathered speed, the city of London of stone and steel faded out to become rolling hills and villages. With every passing kilometer, Cecily felt the tension within her recede.

She opened her hand stained red with blood, and found the blade in her palm. Its steel edge was red with blood. It seemed, even with all that - the Boar of Gloucester still bled like a mortal man.

End of chapter 2.

__________________________________________

Post Chapter Notes:

Paddington GWR memorial: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Western_Railway_War_Memorial

City of London Memorial (though in this context, the Royal Fusilier's memorial): https://exploring-london.com/2014/09/17/10-of-londons-world-war-i-memorials-6-the-royal-fusiliers-memorial/

Euston station memorial: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_and_North_Western_Railway_War_Memorial

Waterloo memorial: https://www.londonremembers.com/memorials/waterloo-ww1-war-memorial

Cenotaph Memorial: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cenotaph

[anotherghoul666]

Hopedrunk Everasking

Swiss angst! Swiss angst!

Pairing: polyghouls, Swiss / everyone

Rating: Mature. No smut. Safe to read for my non-explicit readers. It’s mature because of references to a/b/o, heats and ruts and sex, but there is no depiction of sex in the text.

Inspired by @ghouletteanon and this string of asks over here, with all my thanks.

Tags / contains: me shoving all my abandonment issues and recent emotional damage on Swiss and letting him deal with it because writing is cheaper than therapy; one(1) dissociated ghoul; the cycle of trying to brush things off and get back on your feet only to get knocked back down again; a yearly review of all the ways people can fuck up while meaning well; the difference between intent and result; the entire yearly calendar of heats and ruts of the pack; different flavors of rejection; perceived betrayal; perceived personal attacks; intrusive thoughts / automatic thoughts; negative self-talk; Swiss is that gifted kid who used to be perfect and now he feels he’s becoming obsolete and he’s fucking flailing on the way down; narcissism and delusions of grandeur; social isolation as a type of self-harm; a plethora of shitty coping mechanisms; accumulating until you explode; nobody’s talking about their shit; expectations; disappointments; perceived betrayal; there is a glimmer of hope at the end to look forward to.

Summary: New year, new experiences, and a whole pack of ghouls to satisfy during their heats and ruts again; what more could Swiss ask for! He looks forward to 2022 with unbridled enthusiasm, eager to assist his mates with their cycles and indulge in all the pleasure and sin earth has to offer with the ones he loves. But this year is to be the one where Swiss’ sin of pride is ruthlessly tested and the special, cherished, unique multi ghoul does not fare well. His mates may try to do the right thing for their own sake, for each other’s sakes, for Swiss’ sake even but in the end, everyone fails. One by one, Swiss’ relationships suffer from his bruised ego. When the negative self talk gets too heavy to bear, he copes the only way he knows how: with isolation, resentment and anger. Miscommunications, rejections, mistakes; nobody realizes how hard their actions harm Swiss, while he slowly spirals to the ground until it’s too late. ‘Cause you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.

Read it here on AO3!

Tags for those of you who wrote on my show of hands post for interest in this project! I hope you enjoy ❤️

@joeynihil @traayaa @askingforthesun @everybodyshusband @organon212 @nocturnalghoul @faculaeghoul @apopticghoul @iamthecomet @vampghoulette @fruit-cheese-hyperfixations @belle--ofthebrawl @blacklight-ghoulette @sonnenflamme @papal-babygirl @owlghuleh @sophiasharp @roseheartss @bfpins @kar-011 @sanctuary444 @xxsixcxx @085-helium @pushingmyloveaway @d1zzyp1xie @theonehappypotato @switchplate-2 @tymeworp @briefunknownnerd @agentduckorico @toasteralarmclock @bug-ghouls-corner

[fandomsandflyingstingrays]

Starting a new multichapter fic at last!

I’m here! I finally beat you!!

I’m waiting…

Where are you?

Are you okay?

Raine’s finger hovered over the final message, a hair length from the send button, wondering if it would make Eda more or less likely to message them back. Of her many aptitudes, she was perhaps most adept at dodging that particular question. But they still had to ask, didn’t they? Pressing down on the button, they took a deep breath and held it, until a new gray bubble popped up in the thread.

Yeah sorry, woke up with the common mold. Guess you’ll have to endure that ceremony after all :(

Raine groaned, barely resisting the urge to fling their scroll onto the ground, and pressed their free hand to their forehead. The only thing that had gotten them to graduation was the promise of getting to skip it. They’d been making plans with Eda for months. She was supposed to get dressed up with them, help them hide their ears, and finally take them to the Human Realm, where they could be far, far away from all the prying eyes in the Hexside auditorium and their moms’ disappointment. Where they could actually enjoy themself instead of being glued to their chair with terror at the prospect of walking across that stage. 

Come on! Last time you had the common mold, you still managed that spell that turned Bump’s office upside down for a week

Ah, but this time your fragile immune system is at risk too. Just go to the ceremony, Rainestorm. It’ll be over before you know it. And just think how happy you’ll make your moms

Another groan, louder than the last, rumbled in Raine’s chest, but this time it was a sound of defeat. That was the best card Eda could play, and she knew it. As much as they’d been looking forward to the Human Realm, their stomach had squirmed every time they thought about depriving their moms of the opportunity to coo over their graduation robes and take a dozen mortifying photos for the fridge. At least someone would be happy today. 

Drawing the fortifying breath of a soldier marching to their martyrdom, Raine willed Fiddlesticks into staff form and flew away from the snapdragon hill with a last look of regret. They almost turned right back around when Hexside— and the crush of people entering it— came into view, but Ms. Jenkinmeyer caught sight of them before they could make their escape and began waving at them so forcefully that they knew she wasn’t above sending a vine up to pluck them from the sky herself.

“Late, Mx. Whispers! On today of all days!” she scolded as they landed. “Your robes should be in your locker, so get going! And for Titan’s sake, do not let it catch any of your limbs with its teeth! You don’t have any time to waste!”

She pushed them up the steps and into the hall, where they began inching their way along as soon as she turned around. The students would be called up alphabetically, which meant that maybe if they stalled, they could slip into their seat just before they were called and could avoid the crowd for as long as possible…

Or maybe everyone in the crowd would see them trying to sneak in and boo at them for ruining the ceremony, chasing them from the auditorium with rotten fruit.

Raine broke into a sprint. 

They made it to the Paranormatorium just as the lights were going down, shoving their left arm into the sleeve of their robe as they scrambled into their seat, fervently thanking the Titan it was at the end of the line. Paige Weller glanced at them from her seat next to theirs, relief and confusion mixing on her face.

“Raine? I thought you were going out with Eda today.”

“She— has— the— common— mold,” they wheezed between breaths. 

“Didn’t she come to school the last time she had it? And pull that prank on Bump?”

Raine rolled their eyes. “This time— she’s worried— about my— delicate constitution.”

Paige smirked. “Now that makes sense.”

Raine shoved them lightly and was about to reply when Ms. Jenkinmeyer, from ten rows up, turned her head around one hundred and eighty degrees. “Silence,” she hissed. 

Both witches froze. 

When Bump began what promised to be an agonizing hour of speeches, however, Paige took the opportunity to whisper, “I’m glad you’re here.”

Raine couldn’t bring themself to echo the sentiment, but they gave her a smile. Paige had been the only other student in any of their bard classes who preferred hiding out in the lighting booth and eating iced scream to the terrifying ordeal of performances, and Raine knew they were just as petrified as they were about what lay ahead. At least she wouldn’t have to face it alone. 

As Raine had predicted, five out of six of the speeches were various iterations of we’re so proud of you, now go make us proud in return, because conformity and overachievement are things you can never graduate from. The sixth, given by Terra Snapdragon, was essentially a tutorial on how to try out for a coven. At least, as far as Raine could tell, considering they spent the entirety of it figuring out how low they could sink in their chair without drawing attention to themself. But as much as the speeches seemed to drag on, they were over all too soon. 

“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for,” Bump called. “These promising young witches’ Final Ordeal! Starting us off strong is… Alador Blight!”

Alador drifted up the steps in a daze. He’d joined the Abomination Coven the month before at his girlfriend Odalia’s insistence, and since then, it always seemed like half of him was in his office at all times, his gaze on whatever new flavor of abomination he was designing. Raine fought the urge to close their eyes as shadows began to swirl around the stage, forming wings and teeth and blood-red eyes, wondering if Alador would even think to look up at the centibats before they attacked. The first one formed, opening its mouth wide to show every row of the hundred teeth it was named for, and flew straight for Alador’s face— only to get smacked by a wave of purple goo and fall back to the shadows it emerged from.

Alador didn’t even look up.

The rest of the bats met a similar fate, being slammed against the walls and each other by Alador’s abominations as he controlled them with a flick of his wrist. He made it to Bump without speeding up to so much as a light jog, and the crowd roared with approval, Odalia actually jumping up and down with the force of her delight. Beside her, Darius folded his arms and scowled at the floor. Bump raised his hands and sent a shower of gold sparks over Alador, ringing his head in a crowd of gold, and Alador ambled off the stage, a student no longer.

Not everyone faired as well as he did. Most students came away with clawed faces or bald spots or missing teeth. A few didn’t make it across the stage at all, and slumped back into their seats bent over by the weight of the year they would have to repeat. By the time the W’s began getting called up, Raine felt like every single defeated centibat had taken up residence in their stomach, all flapping around their intestines. When Paige stood in response to their name, they could see them trembling from head to foot. 

Paige summoned her guitar, and Raine exhaled as the melody filled the room. Clearly, Paige had practiced this; their fingers were steady as they moved over the strings, the melody clear and flawless. Dozens of centibats flew at her, and all of them bounced off of the shield of sound she was weaving. 

Until one flew directly at their face, and they lost composure. She hit a sour note, and her shield crumbled, the centibat opening its mouth and latching onto her nose. They shrieked, flailing, stumbling into another three centibats that latched onto their arm. Raine was half out of their seat, wondering if there was anything they could do, when she found the right note on her guitar, blasting the centibats off of her and sprinting over to Bump.

Cheers came from the parents’ section, but they were drowned out by the hysterical laughter of the students. Paige’s violet skin blushed a vivid magenta, and Raine could tell the secondhand embarrassment heating their own face didn’t leave them much better. They opened their mouth, determined to silence the crowd with a whistle even if it meant taking on the horror of their attention, but someone else beat them to it.

“Hey!” Ambrose shouted. “Leave her alone!”

“Yeah,” Vera added, “plenty of you didn’t do any better.”

“Plus, that was an epic tune,” Nico called. “All of you have it stuck in your heads now, don’t even try to deny it.”

The laughter subsided, and Raine breathed a sigh of relief.

“Next up is Raine Whispers!”

The sigh of a relief was a mistake. Raine fought to breathe in again, but their lungs didn’t cooperate. They stood robotically, so focused on getting air, any air at all, that they missed the first step and barely caught themself before they went sprawling face-first onto the ground. A chuckle ran through the room, and this time, no one called out to stop it. Paige wouldn’t want to draw attention to themself, of course, and unlike them, Raine didn’t have a future with the Bard Coven to bond them to their classmates. 

Eda would have made them shut up.

But Eda’s not here. Because of you.

Raine shook their head. Bump, their moms, even Eda herself had all told them that kind of thinking wouldn’t do them any good. Especially not now, facing down an army of ravenous centibats.

Centibats that looked like the shadows of Grom. 

Centibats that reminded Raine of the last time they stood in the Paranormitorium with all eyes on them, the last time Eda had ever set foot in Hexside at all—

They delivered a piercing whistle, loud enough to send every centibat flying but not nearly loud enough to block out the pain of the memory, and raced across the stage without so much as a scratch.

The laughter turned to cheers, and Raine tried to smile as Bump conjured the crown of light over their head. 

The cheering only grew louder as Raine settled back into their seat, no longer for them but for the entire graduating class. The students stood up as one, allowing their families and friends to shower them in celebratory rays of light, then broke apart as the room swelled with chatter. Raine’s mom spotted them immediately, taking their mama by the arm and rushing to pull them into a three-way family hug. 

“You did it!” their mama squealed, pulling back to ruffle their hair before planting a kiss on their head. 

“And you were the fastest person to cross the stage,” their mom added smugly. “I timed it.”

“Now, now, it’s not a competition,” Bump scolded as he passed by. “But you did very well, Raine. I’m certain you’ll be a credit to whichever coven is lucky enough to have you.”

“Raine isn’t joining a coven,” Odalia said in a singsong voice from where she stood beside Alador and his parents. “They’d rather make a living selling trash like their girlfriend. Good thing you learned how to tackle big, bad monsters on your own, Whispers. I don’t think Eda will be showing up to save you again after how things went at Grom.”

I don’t need anyone to save me, Raine wanted to say, and I don’t want to be like all of you. I’ve taken on a Coven Head before, and she wasn’t that tough. But the words shriveled up under the number of eyes turning their way. They thought about the other bards closing ranks around Paige, about Eda facing down Terra at their side, and just for a moment, they ached with longing to have someone watching their back.

“Do you want to go?” their mama asked quietly, and they nodded.

“Good,” their mom said, nudging them with a smile, “because we don’t want to make all your classmates jealous by giving you your graduation gift in here.”

Stepping into the open air, Raine drew their first full breath in an hour, leaning against a pillar to the right of the door and closing their eyes. They heard the low hum of one of their moms summoning something, but didn’t think twice about it until they felt something smooth and heavy being slid into their hand. They opened their eyes to see—

“A new violin?”

“The best that Harmony’s had to offer,” their mom said, passing them a bow made of the same warm brown wood as the instrument in their other hand. “Top-quality sound, and you can customize the scroll. There was a whole shelf of them at Harmony’s, but I’m sure Eda could carve you something custom if you’d prefer.”

Raine swallowed, trying to ease the tightness in their throat. “I’d like that.”

“Do you want to stop at her place before dinner?” their mama asked. “I know today wasn’t the same for you without her, but I understand why she didn’t feel up to attending. Maybe a visit will cheer both of you up.”

Moldy or not, surely Eda wouldn’t be able to worm her way out of at least talking to them through her window. Raine had never been able to imagine graduation without her— maybe just seeing her would be enough to calm the ickiness that had begun crawling through them since they’d arrived to their hill to find it empty. Maybe she’d be cheered up by being serenaded with this fantastic new violin.

There was another possibility, too, but not one Raine wanted to entertain until they saw for themself. No matter what, there was only one way to find out.

“Sure,” they said, drawing a circle to send the violin back to their house until they were ready for it and willing Fiddlesticks into staff form. “Let’s go.”

[deityoftherain]

the gift of family ft. lag duo/lagblings

MCYT Advent 2024 (Day 3: Gift Wrapping)

Rating: Gen

Relationship: Gen

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Status: Completed Oneshot

Word Count: 1,536

Summary: Joel is struggling with the wrapping paper, leading him to become upset and frustrated with not only the task at hand but himself as well. Luckily, Gem is there to help talk him out of his spiral and provide some much needed comfort.

This oneshot was written for the @mcytadventevent and has been posted on that blog for Day Three! As the author for the "gift wrapping" prompt, this is my official Tumblr post with both it and the AO3 link posted under my main account.

If you want to read the fic itself, click here to read it on AO3 or continue down and look under the cut to read the oneshot here on Tumblr.

Wrapping paper is an important attribute in the gift-giving process, garnishing the gift itself and enhancing the emotion of appreciation in the recipient. Not only is wrapping paper psychologically proven to boost a person’s mood by mere association, but it also helps enhance the surprise, personification, and thoughtfulness to the item itself.

That being said, how was he so blummin’ awful at it?

Joel cursed loudly in frustration as he tore off the wonky wrapping paper and crumbled it up into a ball. He tossed it against the wall of his car-shaped building, and the wrapping paper ball bounced off of it and into a cluster of other rejects. At this point, he had gone through almost a full roll and he was about ready to give up.

Fingers combed through his hair as he tried to collect himself, nearly on the verge of tears. He hated this; he hated feeling incompetent. Why was this so hard? Why did he keep messing it up? His scalp tingled as he tugged at the strands, the faint pain grounding him to the moment. 

Joel released his hair and reached toward the roll of wrapping paper. He unfurled some off of the roll, cut down the designated line, and tried his hand at the task again. If all went well, this would be the last time he attempted the same simple task. The same blummin’ simple task.

It was easy! 

It should be easy!

It just… wasn't for him, for whatever reason.

Okay, you can do it, Joel–

Place the item in the center of the wrapping paper. 

Fold the left bit over the side of the box. 

Fold the right bit over the side of the box. 

Tape them together.

That part was simple enough. The next was where he typically fumbled the most. There were more complicated folds and something about making triangles and– UGH!

Joel tore the wrapping paper off of the box, crumbled it up into a ball, and hurled it as hard as he could toward the wall.

The wrapping paper ball flopped to the ground before it even reached the other side of the car’s interior.

Joel threw his head back as he cried out in frustration. Stupid, flippin’ idiot!

He ignored the way his back cracked as he snapped forward, hunching his shoulders as his torso and upper limbs ache in wailing protest. Joel shoved his face harshly against his palms as he rested his elbows on his knees. He sucked in sharp breaths, one after another, in an attempt to stay calm. His body shuttered with the effort, his ego deflated and his pride malnourished in the pits of his stomach.

Joel removed his hands from his face sometime later, promptly surprised that they came away wet. He rubbed his closed eyes against his forearm once then observed said area just to find it streaked with a water-like substance. He assumed they were tears, but when had he started crying?

The realization of the tears’ existence seemed to only spur on more, his vision going blurry as rivers formed on his cheeks. A voice, distant but distinctly his, spoke to him within his mind, whispering about how pathetic and rubbish he must look. He was crying over fancy paper, for void’s sake! More specifically, he was crying at his inability to manipulate said fancy paper properly, but that didn’t help his case. If anything, it made it worse, made him worse.

Snap out of it! Joel ordered himself, slapping his own face so hard that he’s sure his cheek grew red at the impact. Soon after, one slap became two, and the slaps turned into banging his skull with his fists, which morphed into blindly biting, scratching, and whatever other pain he could inflict on himself. 

Joel despised being inadequate, but how could he make this up? He couldn’t fight, insult, or playful-teasingly dismiss his way out of this one! There was no action he could do to make him any better, nor to spare his ego. He had no outlet and no way to let out these emotions, not without turning inwards. 

Even his superiority complex couldn’t save him now, though that had always been more of a coping mechanism and survival strategy than anything else. His crippling fear of inferiority creeped in, taking over his senses and reaffirmed by all the discarded wrapping paper scattered around him.

What a meager, pitiful, wretched reason to come undone. Joel hated it, but even he, in all his strength and skill, couldn’t stop straw from breaking the camel’s back. Everyone had a breaking point, and he certainly was no exception.

“Joel, calm down, deep breaths,” a voice– Gem’s he recognized– broke through his spiraling thoughts. “I’m here for you. It’s okay. Stop– Joel, stop doing– Joel, it’s okay, just focus on me. You’re safe. It’s okay.”

Empty promises, they must be. Besides, he was Joel! He didn’t need anyone! He didn’t need their validation, their praise, their–

But I do though, Joel couldn’t help but admit to himself something he knew in every fiber of his being to be true… I crave their validation and praise.

Gem pulled him into a hug, her hold warm and familiar. She wasn’t huge on physical affection, and neither was he, but it was always a treat whenever she gave it. Gem was strong and safe, despite her small frame, inciting a sense of security Joel was conflicted on enjoying. She was warm and her scent was familiar… she felt like home, in a weird way, in the way only true family could.

Joel returned the hug, his face buried beside the strap of her overalls as he wrapped his arms around her torso. I can wrap my arms, but I still can’t wrap a simple box properly–

“I’m not sure what brought this on, nor do I know what the issue is, other than… yeah,” Gem murmured in his ear as she rubbed a hand against his back, “but you better remember that, while you’re an idiot, you’re my idiot and I love you. We’re Family, Joel, not by blood, but by choice, and it isn’t like me to choose to stand beside those I don’t think are worth it. You’re competent and skilled at many things, making you a valuable asset, but you’re also just a fantastic teammate, a great friend, my family. My loyalty doesn’t come cheap, but for you, I can’t imagine–”

“Sap,” Joel accused half-heartedly, a weary smile growing on his lips as he sat up to look at her properly.

Gem rolled her eyes, though Joel knew her well enough to know it was fond. “Yeah, yeah, don’t let my words give you an even bigger head. When your ego is too inflated, you get reckless, and I would prefer to keep you around ‘til the last session.”

“More like the other way around,” Joel corrected lightheartedly, drying his face with his sleeve. “I’m going to win this season, I know it.”

“I’m personally hoping we get to have our own cactus circle,” Gem hummed knowingly, referencing a previous version of these games that she hadn’t attended personally, “our own fighting ring. Something like our Fight Club back on Hermitcraft, but for triumph in a death game instead of Player heads. You and me, together, united until the end. It’ll feel like victory even if I don’t personally walk out as the winner this time around.”

“I suppose I won’t hate you forever if you steal my victory, either.” Joel flicked a bit of her ginger hair that escaped her new-ish headband, prompting her to roll her eyes affectionately again and tuck the strands behind her ear. “Family sticks together, after all.”

"You don't turn your back on family,” Gem quoted in response, “even when they do.”

Joel’s face lit up. “Is that a Fast and Furious quote?”

“Maybe,” Gem teased, “but don’t get too excited. I still haven’t watched it, I just looked up quotes on my communicator during break.”

“I’ll make a film fan out of you yet.” Joel tapped his fingertips against one another as if this were his dastardly scheme. “You’ll never see it coming.”

“Uh-huh, keep dreaming.” Gem shoved him away with one hand, resulting in his body turning more than actually creating distance. She used none of her true strength, though, for, if she had, he would not have stayed seated like he was. “Now do you need help with the gift wrap?”

“You’ll help me?” Joel furrowed his brow, shame and embarrassment pricking at his skin as he became far too aware of the discarded balls of wrapping paper, but, to his credit, he did try to ignore them.

"We're family.” Gem shrugged a shoulder, glancing to the side at nothing in particular. “We got a problem, we deal with it together."

“That’s another one!” Joel exclaimed excitedly, a sputtering laugh following close behind.

“Yeah, yeah,” Gem dismissed with a wave of her hand, “Gem is great, I know.”

“We are great,” Joel corrected cheerfully, his spirits lifted compared to previously.

“True,” Gem conceded, mirroring his grin. “We are great. Our Family is great. We more than got this, but first: wrapping presents!”

If you enjoyed the oneshot, please like slash reblog here and/or kudos slash comment on AO3, thanks <333

[elvesandlanterns]

Ghost helpline chapter 37

Jason couldnt help but give his entire family the side eye. Seriously Bruce? A family dinner? Family dinner with thier nieghbors?? That he has a crush on ???!!! Pppfff oh yeah this was going to work out swimmingly. Whatever.

Jason didn’t know why he felt so knotted up inside about the whole thing. It’s not like they were going to find anything and “Brucie” has had plenty of guests over before. And yet Jason felt snubbed, Bruce knew Jason wouldnt be able to join in. He was still legally dead and couldnt just pop into joint family dinner like “oh yeah I got better dont worry about it”. No Jason would need to steer clear of the mannor all together.

Meanwhile his siblings would get to tease dad about his crush, grill the Masters family and talk to Damiens new friend. Because seriously Damian making friends, with a normal girl? Just wow. Good for the kid, because he defiantly hadn’t learn that from Bruce he scoffed for fucking hells sake even Vad had a sketchy criminal history on his buisness Dalv co.

It stung, it was so fucking stupid but it stung. Why didn’t Jason get to be there. Why didn’t he get to shovel talk Bruce’s crush, eat Alfred’s food, sit around awkwardly, and tease Damian relentlessly?

Jason knew why. He did. Logically Jason knew it wasn’t an attack on him. That Bruce hadn’t purposefully done things this way to exclude him. That he was/n’t an embarrassment, dangerous and unwanted to meet Bruce’s new crush because he couldnt be trusted. It wasn’t personal, it’s not personal.

Beep beep

Jason glanced down to his burner phone and grinned manically at the photo of the skunk haired man he’d been tracking strolling into a warehouse… ..with someone young and pink on their arm. Jasons stomach rolled in disgust at the age difference, “Well hello misplaced aggression.”

——

Damian had been hanging around the Masters manor regardless of fathers …complications of the heart. He and Violet needed to plan a strategy of course. The plan had to be seem-less to even stand a chance of working. A part of that involved English lessons which thankfully doubled as a cover. Damian huffed to himself as Violet failed to write neatly again. It was odd to watch, she could speak with a fair sense of clarity and understood difficult concepts when spoken to but written language seemed to illude her. It was frustrating to watch, her hands moved wrong twisting against the pencils and often snapping them. Damian watched as her hand seemed to twitch uncomfortably as she finished.

“You’re bad at this.”

“Gee thanks I had no idea.”

“Tt. It’s ridiculous anyone as old as you should know how to read and write at a higher level than a sixth grader.” Damian felt his hand fall down his face, “You text just fine though, your horrid grammar aside.” Meaning a big part of the problem was physical….now that he thought about it … he hadn’t seen Violet without her human disguise despite already knowing her secret. Both forms had gloves. There’s something else going on here.

The assassin felt ice at his back.

“Let me see your hand.”

That coldness remained as a small warmth was thrown against his chest as she unthinkingly shoved her hand in his face and ate away at her sugary processed snack- dirtying her practice writing paper further.

Taking off her gloves gave sight to three short claws black from tip to knuckle, two fingers incased in a familiar metal. He hadn’t expected it at all, was Violet allowing him to see this purposefully? A limitation of her glamor? A benefit of their bond?

Beep beep

Damian dropped the others hand to glance at the text. Father did what!?

“What do you enjoy eating?” What do demons even eat? Can demons be vegans? She does look a tad like a ram.

“Red and dad make the best cakes!!!”

“Tt. I meant real food, and I’m sure you will change you mind at tomorrows dinner. Alfred’s desserts are superior to all else.” He planned to ignore her millionth mention of “Red”, she was beyond obsessed and he was not falling for the bait… again. Ugh.

Violet stilled, “Oh are you staying for dinner tomorrow.”

“No it would seems our fathers have gotten it into their minds to bring us all into their nonsense.” Damian huffed.

Violet groaned, “Uhhh nooo I don’t want to.”

“Yes well as detestable as it will be -“

“Not that I just, I don’t like eating in front of humans.”

A delicate eyebrow rose at the statement.

“This isn’t “real food”, human food isn’t my food.” Blood guts crunching on a heart like an apple, wide green eyes staring at her horrified. Scared.

Damian thought about it more. Pencils breaking, the way her hands shook and holding a fork was probably difficult for her?

“So what do you consider food to you?”

“Anything.”

“Violet.”

“Anything I’m a scavenger demon …” her eyes rolling at the look on his face, “Tendons, bone, eyes, decorative flowers and overgrown weeds. You could say we are real … vultures.” She chuckled at her inside joke.

The way she spit out the term “scavenger demon” had him reeling a-bit. There was an obvious issue there… somewhere. Fear slithered threw the bond unwillingly, self deprecating and shallow. He at least understood this feeling well.

The feeling that screamed :

Don’t look at me. Don’t look at me like /that/.

Well he supposed he at least knew a good dish to have made for her. Hopefully Alfred wouldn’t mind a change in the menu.

—- —— —-

Bruce was NOT freaking out he wasn’t! And he will deny it forever. He just really wanted this to go well. He needed this to go well.

And he loves his children deeply! But sometimes they could all be a bit much….

At… family dinners. They yelled and fought and they were all fairly high strung but the Masters weren’t like them half of them looked like a strong breeze could knock them over dear lord….

“Bruce!”

“Bruce.”

“B!”

“Ow!!”

….please just, just don’t fight in front of Vlad.

—- —- ——

The triplets, sans Ziyad, positively swarmed their fathers closet. This was going to be great!

Klarion and Billy looked over at Dandy’s murderous face, this was going to be awful.

[giulolosblackmail]

His Lady Falcon

Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply, Magda Ellenstein & Juven Sakan, Magda Ellenstein, Juven Sakan, Barris Sakan, Barbara Sakan, Asteria (Helix Waltz), Andre Wolf, Alan (Helix Waltz), Misunderstandings, 5+1 Things, Aromantic Magda Ellenstein, Queerplatonic Relationships

Summary

5 times people thought Juven was in love with Magda, and the one time he wasn't sure himself.

Read it on Ao3. Don't think I ever posted this one here, full fic under read more.

1.

Barris had stopped by the Registar's offices on his way home that night because he'd seen the candles still burning in Lady Ellenstein's sitting room. He fully intended to send her home and write a stern missive to Juven the next morning about not shirking his duties like his father, but he found himself frozen outside the door with his hand hovering in midair, having forgotten to knock. He could have sworn that he had just heard... It couldn't have been. Impossible!

A small moan slipped under the door and Barris recognized Magda's voice saying, "Oh, Juven, right there," in a very breathless way he'd only heard before after she'd run down his carriage once on the street. Out of all the emotions bubbling over in that moment, he settled on anger. Anger at Juven for whatever moronic scheme he'd talked Lady Ellenstein into with his empty words and pretty face, just like he had with every other paramour he'd collected over the years. Barris didn't bother to knock. Without thinking he grasped the doorhandle and pushed his way inside, belatedly despairing that Juven couldn't have even saved either of them enough dignity to have locked the door. He'd had a choice few words to lay into Juven that died on his tongue when he entered the room.

Lady Ellenstein sat reclined on a couch with her bared feet in Juven's lap and a glass in her hand, both of them very much clothed. A pair of curious faces looked at him, startled at his abrupt entry.

"Uncle?" Juven eventually asked, starting again to massage Lady Ellenstein's feet, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. "Is everything all right?"

Is everything all right? Is everything all right? Barris straightend up and snapped, "It is late. Go home," before turning on his heel and storming back down to his carriage, face blazing a rosy Sakan pink. He didn't hear Lady Ellenstein's offer to drink a chardonnay before he left, or Juven's mocking comments on propriety.

2.

It had been some time since Barbara had seen Lady Ellenstein at any of the Sakan functions and she'd found herself missing her friend. In a true Sakan fashion she'd come without sending ahead to whisk Magda away for a day of running around in the forest with her newly acquired wolfhound. Magda always gifted the best presents and it was a travesty that she hadn't been around for Barbara to tell her so herself.

Humming to herself, Barbara snuck in past the receptionist and made her way to Magda's office. She stopped at the half open door at seeing her brother leaning over Magda's desk into the Registrar's face. Her eyes wide, Barbara froze in place.

"My dear Lady Falcon," Juven practically purred, so low that Barbara almost couldn't hear him. "Look me in the eyes and tell me 'I love you.'"

Magda reached up and ran her finder's though his long blond hair. "I love you."

Barbara shoved her fist in her mouth to keep from gasping and giving herself away.

Suddenly Magda tightened her grip on Juven's hair and yanked, causing Juven to back up with a yelp. "But not enough to forget that I was threatened twice today with my own letter opener in my own office for the sake of you playing your silly little games with people's hearts. Have you no respect for, if not your own reputation, then the reputation of Finsel itself? This farce is moronic, taxing and useless."

Juven stood and gingerly rubbed his head. "You've been spending far too much time with uncle lately. You're beginning to sound like him."

Magda sighed heavily and rubbed her temples. "Maybe I should do what you do and play games," she thought aloud.

"Oh?"

Magda nodded to herself. "Post a bounty in the Adventurer's Guild. 5 livres for whoever manages to shave the Regent bald."

Juven balked. "You wouldn't dare."

Barbara left them to their bickering and quietly returned downstairs to the lobby to ask the receptionist to please let the Lady Registrar know Lady Barbara Sakan was here to see her. She sat in a plush chair while she waited, thinking things over. It wouldn't be... terrible if Magda were to become her sister.

3.

Alan was... distraught. He'd found a letter in the barracks penned on paper with the Sakan crest and couldn't stop worrying over the legal ramifications of his subordinates having... a relationship with the Regent. Juven Sakan was a good man of course, one of Alan's dearest friends and closest confidants, but he was also... He was a bit messy when it came to relationships. And he certainly had a lot of them. He's never seen the Regent not flirt with someone upon first meeting them, and he was charming. People fell in love with him as easily as they breathed, but he never reciprocated, not for as long as Alan had known him. He flitted around people like a humming bird, never stationary, never loyal, never committed. It was just who he was as a person. So Alan was very worried about having to choose between his friendship with the Regent and his duties as a Captain of the Guard. Hopefully Lady Ellenstein could shine some light on the problem.

Lady Magda had sat stone faced through the whole stuttered explanation, and when he had finished, she'd called the receptionist. Magda whispered something to the woman and five minutes later Juven burst through the door just to come to a halt upon seeing the occupants. Juven's hands found his pockets and he read a note before stuffing it back into his coat.

Clearing his throat Juven asked, "I fell for it again, haven't I?"

"Yes," Magda responded dryly.

"Right." Juven sat down in the seat next to Alan, who was desperately looking anywhere that wasn't the Regent. "What's this then?"

Magda leaned forward in her seat and steepled her fingers. "This," she offered, "is an intervention."

"An intervention," he repeated, disbelieving.

"An intervention," she agreed.

There was a long and heavy silence that Juven finally broke, as Alan didn't seem inclined to enlighten him either. "An intervention for what, exactly?"

Magda smiled sweetly with no warmth. "Guess."

Juven looked suspiciously between Alan and Magda. After a moment of deliberation, he hazarded a guess, "Does it have to do with what I said to Sister Florna the last time I patrolled with the guardsmen?"

Alan winced next to him. "Try again," Magda ordered.

"I'd rather you save us all the trouble of playing... games..." Ah. "I am busy as the Regent you know, I was just going to look over that proposal from Lord Durslan you put on my desk this morning. And I have a late lunch scheduled with Acting Speaker Linglan to talk about renegotiating the trade deals we have with Rayorca."

"Guess."

Juven did not guess correctly the second time, nor the third, nor the fourth, fifth, sixth, or seventh. Finally he threw up his hands and exclaimed, "How am I meant to remember every slight I've ever committed against the guardsmen?"

Alan had buried his face in his hands. Magda flipped through some papers on her desk and read, "To date the office has received 25 complaints and 6 death threats against the Regent from the Guardsmen alone. You have been Regent for five months. We do not have enough favor with the Guardsmen to continue like this. Captain Alan is kind enough to have patience with you, but Colonel Loire and the rest of the Guard will not."

Alan curled up more in his seat, wishing a hole would open up underneath him and swallow him whole.

"Magda-" Juven began.

"Juven Suvald Sakan, you no longer have the protection of a Viscount to play a bumbling child. Either commit yourself to celibacy for all our sakes or for once in your two-faced life uncage your heart and face the risk of rejection, Goddess above!" Magda slammed her fists into the table, her sharp gaze glaring daggers into Juven. Alan watched the both of them in horrified fascination, the Captain forgotten in the moment.

"Magda, I did not realize I had angered you so," Juven managed.

Magda unclenched her fists and grabbed at the wineglass on her desk, thankfully still upright.

"Anyone would be angry at being used to deliver your half-hearted confessions."

"I cannot stop."

"No, but you can face yourself at least."

"I am afraid of heartbreak."

"We are all afraid of loss." Magda reminded him. "Fear will keep you from knowing long after the grave. There happens to be a string of heartbroken hopefuls vying for your apologies or your neck, and many of them wield a sword better than you."

"I must protest, no one wields a sword better than I," he said with a smirk, simply because it was more habit to do so than it was not. "But I understand. I will leave the Guardsmen alone."

Alan wondered if they would notice should he just stand and leave the room before he began to cry. He had an inkling of what their confusing exchange was about and it tugged at his heart to hear it. Juven had pushed him towards Lady Ellenstein, but never had she spoken to Alan so openly as this.

"And the main branches of the Four Families?" Magda asked.

"And the Four Families."

"And the council representatives?"

"Fine."

"And my staff."

"And your staff, yes."

"And the Spire?"

"Surely I have made enough concessions," Juven insisted. "I do enjoy the company of people and the excuse to run around Finsel. Leave me this at least."

"Fine," Magda conceded.

"So glad we could agree."

"I- I'll just... see myself out then," Alan choked out before practically running out the door.

The Guardsmen received a very generous donation from the Longlan family that week. Alan refused to say a word on the matter and had someone else write the Registrar a thank you letter in his stead while he nursed a broken heart.

4.

Asteria found herself on the Ellenstein's doorstep once again with a beautifully wrapped package and some excuse from Juven on her tongue. A servant let her in, the brunet one that always smiled a little unprofessionally and offered her a drink before she left. He wasn't as chatty as the maid, nor as standoffish as the other butler, but she disliked how familiar he was with her.

"...Of course Lady Ellenstein insisted on visiting the slums, but she never changes her clothes when she does, so the dress got torn while she was climbing a roof to get the hoop one of Brala's lot had tossed up there and started bawling about." She really didn't need to hear the history behind the dress Juven was replacing, but it would also be rude of her to leave without being dismissed. But they were both servants of noble houses, and as a family elf of the Sakan family, maybe she outranked him, seeing as the Regent was still above Registrar. But Lady Sakan had once scolded her for being rude when she had been more prone to ducking out of niceties for fear of stumbling over her words and embarrassing herself. Honestly, humans had so many complicated rules for even the smallest of things.

"...So then she got stuck," Ivan had continued, moving to place the package on the table and unwrap the thing, presumedly so Lady Registrar would see it as soon as she returned. "Which is when I sent my niece to go- go... fuh..." Ivan stumbled over his words as he lifted the lid of the package. His mouth gaped open and closed like a fish a few times before he asked Asteria with a high, strained tone, "This- Are you certain this was meant for Magda?"

Asteria frowned at him. It was unprofessional for him to refer to the Lady Registrar as such, and she was quite certain she had brought the right package, it had been on Juven's desk that morning underneath a letter adressed to 'The Lady Falcon.' She came around the table to look at the replacement dress Juven had sent and found herself blinking in surprise.

This was lingerie. "Perhaps, perhaps it has something to do with the latest trend?" Ivan offered. "I've seen some gowns that are clearly held up by magic and nothing else. I'm sure..." Ivan trailed off.

Asteria considered the package. She had spent the last fourteen years telling Juven no, but for some reason... She had never quite considered the possibility that Juven might... move on. A part of her was bitter, certainly. She had loved Juven, at one point, when they were both young and hopeful. But then Juven had outgrown her, not that he had let himself realize as such. He grew into a man and Asteria was still something of a girl and it frightened her that he would grow old and weary of her and then die in the blink of an eye.

It was her friendship with Alminas that really opened her eyes to this truth. She refused to let herself become that unhappy loathsome thing. She didn't want to be pitied like she did him. She didn't want to lose so much of herself over a fleeting human life. But Juven had been so passionate and unstoppable. He had told her under the moon, their hands both resting on the cold railing, so close but never touching, that he would burn down Finsel and remake it in his own idyllic image, a place where a noble and an elf could marry, where she would be given the respect she deserved. And she had believed him, because the Sakans were all mad romantic creatures with just as much desire as cleverness, certainly enough to move mountains. She had believed him, and he had provided. There was a bill on the Senate floor this month concerning the citizenship of the nonhuman residents of Finsel. And she had personally helped Juven bribe, steal, threaten, lie, cheat and blackmail his way into enough wrinkled old nobles pockets that she had no doubt it would pass. But it came too late.

She had watched Juven grow just like she had his father and his grandfather before him. She had watched them with the same sort of detachment she held for all humans. The rest of the Sakans she had always kept at arms length, and they never begrudged her that. She was nothing more than a servant, a family elf, why wouldn't they? Perhaps she had left the forest too young, maybe the world of humans had changed something fundamental about her. Maybe that was why she never bucked her duties. Why she never raged against the hierarchy like Nala did.

She should have never fallen in love. It made her feel stupid, she was looking at a lingerie set, one of many that Juven had sent her to deliver over the years, but this was Magda Ellenstein, his Lady Falcon, the only woman Juven had ever respected, and her heart was breaking and humans were the worst.

5.

Andre was... He was settling. He was also still reeling. Things had changed so quickly and the speed at which Lady Magda had turned his world upside down was staggering. But it was a good thing, everything Lady Magda touched seemed to turn to gold.

"Sir Knight!" A voice from the main house startled him out of his thoughts. It was Lord Sak- the Lord Regent. That was another one of those strange changes. The man would spend almost as much time at the Ellenstein property as Andre himself did. And Andre spent a lot of time here after he had moved into the newly made servant's wing. Lady Magda had offered him one of the guest rooms in the house proper while she 'prepared more fitting accommodations'. But it had felt somewhat improper to do so.

The Regent regaled him with a smile. "Just the man I was looking for."

Andre eyed him warily. It's not that he begrudged Magda her friendship with the man, she could clearly handle him better than most, but he also knew just what kind of men the Sakans tended to be. That was to say, Andre trusted the Regent about as far as he could throw him. He saluted stiffly and asked, "Lord Regent, to what do I owe the pleasure." His propriety and etiquette lessons had been drilled into him by his childhood nanny and these days he was finally finding a use for them.

The Regent slung an arm around Andre's stiff shoulders, a gesture far too familiar for their stations, and walked him towards the gardens, away from the main house where the rest of the household could be found. "I feel as though we don't spend nearly enough time together, you and I," the Regent proclaimed dramatically. "Magda's second honest man." It took Andre a moment to realize he was being referred to as such. He couldn't keep the frown off his face and the Regent caught it. "It's true," the Regent said quietly, as though they were gossiping nobles at a ball far too loud for them to be overheard but still cautious of their surroundings all the same. "At this point I'm beginning to think she grows them herself, but I've yet to see her tending to any young adonis' between the flower beds." He laughed as though they were sharing a private joke, one that Andre did not understand.

"Tell me," the Regent mused as they rounded the statue garden, "have you heard anything of the Larent family recently?" The Larent family were ailing nobles whose head of house was clearly still spending above her means and sinking her family much deeper into debt. They were not the kind of people Andre trusted enough to work for at any point, nor the kind who's troubles Andre familiarized himself with.

"I don't involve myself with petty gossip," Andre said instead.

The Regent stared at him for a moment, as though shocked before that careless grin of his returned. "My mistake, I had forgotten you were but a flower plucked straight from Lady Falcon's garden." The way he said it, as though Andre were some sort of silly pet, irked him. "But I am nothing so well grown," the Regent joked. At least Andre assumed it was a joke. "Lady Larent is, of course, more concerned with appearances than reality, as nobles are wont to do. She is clearly dragging her family into ruin and no one is delicate enough to challenge her on it."

This was nothing new, nobles fell from grace occasionally, like the Wolff family had under his father's vices. He couldn't tell if the Regent was taunting him or implying something that still eluded his grasp. "And with the upset in the Senate, well, let us just say the Lady and her brother are getting desperate, nobility is all they have left after all."

Andre did not consider himself a clever man. He understood that the Regent was asking something of him in the guise of forewarning, but he hadn't a clue what it was. "Are you saying I should care about the gossip of nobles just this once?" he asked cautiously.

The Regent smiled that empty smile at him again and plucked a morning glory from the secluded trellis arch they found themselves standing under. It was pink, Sakan pink, like the Regent's overcoat and he twirled it between his fingers as he spoke. "The Larent servants are fleeing. There's a woman among them who has worked for the family for years, a wild rose, nothing so delicate as yourself." Andre flushed at the Regent's bold flirtation. "If nothing else she could use a letter of recommendation, perhaps a knightly shoulder to lean on."

The Regent stepped into Andre's space and tucked the flower into one of the buttonholes in Andre's uniform. The Regent did not step back again like Andre had expected him to and the closeness was only made more unbearable when the Regent smoothed his hands over Andre's coat. "And if miss Rose saw fit to warn you of certain... plans involving your Lady in thanks," Juven whispered lowly, words for just the two of them. "Well," the grin the Regent gave him then was sharp and unkind, "You are a good man, and good men act."

Andre was startled more by his words than his actions, reeling back in surprise. It almost sounded as though the Regent wanted the Larents dead, and the Larents Lady Magda. The Regent laughed at his scandalized face suddenly. "Do keep this between us, won't you? I've promised my Lady Falcon that I would leave her housestaff be, and I believe I may be tempting her good graces by trying to steal away her favorite Knight." With that the Regent winked and left, not even bothering to hide his laughter.

The Regent, it seemed, was less an untrustworthy man and more an untrusting one. Perhaps he had been onto something when he compared Andre to a flower in Magda's garden. It was her that had kept him honorable when he had not even his pride. If it were not for Lady Magda, Andre would not be a good man. Just maybe, the Regent felt Magda's golden touch as well, and just maybe he too loved her for it as desperately as Andre did.

+1.

Juven received a letter from his father, which was unusual. It contained a long meandering monologue about his second wife, which was usual. And it ended with the Duke granting Juven his blessing to propose to Magda Ellenstein with one of the family engagement rings, which was extremely unusual.

"Lady Falcon," Juven called from his desk, still staring at the letter in confusion.

"Yes?" Magda asked as she entered his office.

"Have you, by any chance, spoken to my father lately?"

"Duke Sakan?" She frowned, walking around the desk to read the letter over his shoulder. "No, not since the end of the war. My debt has been paid and my station solidified. I've no reason to."

Juven waited in silence as she read the letter.

"Is there something you've forgotten to ask me?" Magda asked after reaching the end. Amusement dancing on her lips.

Juven hummed noncommittally. "I hadn't planned on anything, no. To be frank, I've lost the motivation to chase after you."

"That tends to happen when you stand side by side with someone," Magda agreed.

Juven placed his hand over the one Magda had put on his shoulder. "It wouldn't be terrible though. If it were you. I would never love you and you would never love me, a perfect pair of idiots, the two of us."

"We would be perfectly miserable and lose everything we've ever worked for. Don't dwell on 'what if's if you can't even come up with a compelling argument for it."

Juven chuckled. "Your wisdom, as always, offers clarity, Lady Falcon."

Magda took her hand from Juven's and pulled his head down into her chest. "Just because I will not love you does not mean I cannot care for you. Juven, you are my dearest friend and the only person I have ever trusted to speak to me, not out of want, but out of respect. There are very few people to have managed that."

Juven tried to keep the wetness out of his voice. "Thank you, Magda, my dearest friend." They both laughed. Juven pulled away to stand and wrap Magda in a desperate hug, trying to convey all the things he couldn't put to words. The peace in it made his chest ache.

"Do you think uncle or your mother would murder me first if we announced an engagement?" Juven pondered.

Magda laughed into his shoulder. "My mother would succeed first, of course. But it doesn't matter. We can watch Finsel erupt when I announce my engagement in two years."

Juven moved to push himself back enough to see Magda's face. Her eyes were only a little wet and sparkled with mirth. "You've decided then?" He asked with more than a little curiosity. "Damn near everyone in this state has asked for your hand at one point or another. Tell me, who has finally enticed you to give up batchelorette-hood?"

Her smile only grew wider. "Keep in mind that the announcement will be two years out to allow things to settle and to warm my mother up to the idea. And that my reasons for marriage are very different from your own."

He nodded. "Yes, of course."

"Gonzalo."

Juven went stiff. "Gonzalo? Gonzalo Jorcastle, Gonzalo? The green peacock with more jewellery than sense, Gonzalo? Commission a life size portrait of our good Captain in full regalia, Gonzalo? That Gonzalo?"

Magda broke down in a fit of giggles, burying her face in Juven's chest while he implored her to explain on what plane of existence exactly he was meant to imagine that made any real sense.

Once Magda had caught her breath, she obliged. "We had gotten to talking after Duke Jorcastle returned, and with his mother retired and the position of Duke filled and his sister secure in her position, well, there was no real reason for him to stay. He wants to return to the Spire and continue his education. That would mean he'd be marrying into my family, I wouldn't have to deal with proposals, and we would both be free to do as we wished."

"You've put thought into this."

"I have. Lucky for us, 'I would never love you and you would never love me' is exactly the marriage we both want."

"The more I know you the less I understand you."

"I could say the same of yourself."

"Then it must be a very good thing that we will never fail to be interesting people," Juven said with a smile.

"Indeed."

[beebobeebo]

Title: Order Up

Fandom: Justified

Characters: Raylan Givens & Tim Gutterson

Relationship: Tim Gutterson x Raylan Givens (Givenson)

Summary:

In an alternate timeline, of this alternate universe, Raylan has a Tim who manages to keep to himself until he absolutely can't any more.

Tim's order is up, but he gets some say in who does the serving.

I swear to Godzilla at some point there's a flashback with more pizza.

A.K.A. The Pizza Boy AU gets a Sad Ending before we're back to your regularly scheduled Hot To Go lyrics.

Raylan doesn't even look at the phone before he answers. He never knows what Boyd is sending his way, so he might as well take any warning that makes itself known. Especially now.

"Givens."

"Raylan?" A voice from a over decade ago says almost delicately. "You oughta come out to your mama's house.

Raylan looks at the phone screen and sees a number that matches the voice. If that don't beat all. "Tim, my mama's dead," he says.

"I know, but ain't it better to think of it as her house for a minute. It was once, right?" Tim sounds like he's holding something back.

"I guess it was. I'll be there in a few hours. You okay to wait?" Raylan swallows hard. He knows what he should do. He ain't gonna though. That ain't how this one goes.

"Got nothin' but time, Raylan."

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Driving up to the house, his mama's house for the sake of this night, he sees a figure with their feet propped up on the porch railing. He lets out a slow breath.

"Don't you know that's rude?" He asks as he gets out of his car. "Puttin' your feet up like that."

"You still Ms. Manners where I'm concerned?" The man stands up and walks to the steps. Raylan looks him up and down. He feels painfully old in that moment. Tim's hair has darkened and there are lines etched into his face. Years of thought and worry make a mask over something once young and delicate.

"Must be important for you to call. You certainly don't answer," Raylan walks up the steps stopping one below Tim.

"I heard every message you left. Sorry about Winona. Sorry about Winona again. Congratulations about Willa," Tim says with a small smile as he hands a Nokia brick phone over to Raylan.

"Funny." Raylan takes the phone and runs a thumb over the speaker. Tim's not going to need it anymore. Raylan shoves it in his pocket.

"Nah. Really, a baby is a miracle… as long as it stays the fuck over there." Tim loosely gestures into the distance. "Anyway, not easy to wear a Baby Bjorn while bellied out waitin' for a shot."

Raylan tips back his hat.

"Nothin' in your file ever struck me as parental. Although career day would be a hoot."

Tim smiles and it makes a hollow in his cheek that's too soft to be a true dimple. "Didn't ask you out here to—"

"You didn't ask shit. You suggested it. You left yourself an out."

Tim nods.

"I did. Raylan, I'm very, very good at what I do. Never miss. One shot. Clean and done. Never a moment of hesitation." Tim tilts his head back and rolls his eyes up to look at the stars. He looks like one of those paintings of a saint right before their martyred. He's beautiful and Raylan hates him for it.

"So I'm here because you're hesitating."

"Why can't you just be handsome and useless? It'd serve you better."

Raylan lets out a slow breath and glances down at the gun in Tim's hand.

"Tim, you know this won't end well for both of us if you try anything. I guarantee I'm faster. And I ain't leavin' my kid with a dead daddy. She's gonna have enough to deal with with me bein' alive."

Tim looks back down at Raylan. His face is the goddamn definition of sorrow. The urge to hold Tim while discussing the same man putting a bullet between his eyes, because Tim would make it quick, turns his stomach. Tim opens his mouth and then closes it before managing to say, "You gotta put me down, Raylan. I let you go and he won't stop until everything I ever cared about is dead…that's you. If I hurt you, I'll have to kill myself and I'm afraid I've never managed that. Thought about it. Put the gun between my teeth, but… nah."

Raylan blinks hard. He reaches out and places his hand against the soft scruff of Tim's cheek. "You've never put a bullet in someone that didn't deserve it."

"Can say the same for you," Tim mumbles into the palm of Raylan's hand. "Could still say it after me. I'm tired, Raylan. I'm so goddamn tired and you're the only person who's given a shit about me for…however long it's been since you stiffed me on that tip."

"I made it up to you. Would've kept makin' it up if you hadn't ran," Raylan says as his thumb traces the hollow under Tim's left eye. "I told you to run. I told you to get out, but I should've said stay. I could have fixed it."

Tim laughs and kisses Raylan's palm.

"Some broke things don't get fixed." He pauses. "He'll kill me Raylan. I'll fight every goddamn minute of it, but Boyd'll kill me. I think he always meant to use me to hurt you as soon as he did what you couldn't and found me. He wants to take away your one constant for the last ten years. So show me a little mercy for what we had, have. You do it."

"Should have called me before it got to this." Raylan lowers his hand and hears the snap from his holster more than he feels it. "I keep sayin' 'should'." He pulls his gun up and places the barrel against Tim's chest over his heart.

"Oh, he'll love the irony of that. You ain't gonna pull a fast one and miss from there."

Raylan closes his eyes and goes through the motions until he feels the recoil. There's a loud crack and the sound of Tim's fall. Then there's the softer sound of a man breathing. Raylan doesn't realize it's his own breath for a long moment.

"Tim?" He asks no one.

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There's a fucking inquiry because, of course, there is. The gun in Tim's hand was never fired. Raylan makes a point to say that Gutterson was always better with a long gun. Hell, if all these people interviewing him would have read the file he had been showing to everyone for over ten years, they'd know that.

He gets a special talk from Art about not waxing poetic about the assassin who tried to kill him. He washes that from his mind with a bottle of something brown and burning.

He gets through all of it.

He has to fly down and hold Willa for a solid day as soon as he's free to, but he gets through all of it.

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Later, when he finds himself squared off with Boyd. Boyd won't pull. Raylan doesn't care.

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Boyd lives. Raylan's different now. He could kill for love, for safety, but not hate. He's not sure who he is, but he knows who he ain't.

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Raylan sits at a new condo in beautiful, sunny Miami. He looks over in the middle of the Marlins game at the dark wooden box with its neat little plaque on the coffee table next to the half-eaten pizza.

"You see this shit, Tim?"

It's quiet, but Tim never did answer Raylan's messages. He always just listened.

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NOTES:

Bee thinks everything should have a sad end.

And if you want, you can say things stopped right here. There will be a continuation that's less depressing. I just want everything to end in tears because of who I am as a person.