#should i even be talking about this here? i dunno!!
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"L-look, I just... I wanted to chill out for a few days, yeah? Cats are a good form for that!"
I nodded slowly as I kept petting. The slow, gentle strokes along his fur seemed to be helping. "And now you've forgotten... how your power works?"
"No!" It was less a shout and more a whine. I decided to assume it was the cat body changing the quality of the voice. "I... I don't have a 'default' or anything, you know? I don't just 'shift back' to my original self, I actively turn *into* it each time. A-and now I'm..." They tuck their nose between their paws. "...I can't picture what I looked like clearly enough to change..."
Oh. "I have some pictures of us from a year or two back. Would that help?"
He looked up at me and blinked, then lowered his head back onto the couch. "Yeah... yeah that should be enough to go off of. Now all the panic feels a little silly..."
I didn't reach for my wallet right away. "I mean, you couldn't have known when I'd come over."
"Yeah, I guess, but even if it was a little uncanny, I could've turned back into something with hands and sent you a message asking..."
"...so why didn't you?" There was something else here. I could feel it. So I started nudging. "And before you say you were panicking too much, you've been silent for *days*. That doesn't seem like a short-term lapse in judgement."
"W-well, I was still enjoying being a cat up until yesterday!" The protest was weak; there *was* something else going on. "A-and..."
"And... you didn't want to change back?" I offered.
"No! M-maybe?" They tensed like they wanted to flee, but slowly relaxed again under my continued reassuring scritches. "I want to change back into a *human* again, b-but..."
I looked at them with a smile and nodded. "But...?"
They looked at me, then shifted to rest their chin on my leg. "...remember last year? At that club event?"
They paused, so I nodded and continued for them. "I wanted a possible hookup and you decided the discount was worth it, so we ditched the faux-het-couple routine by you turning into a girl." I tried to keep any smugness out of my encouraging smile. They were different that night, and no amount of excuses had made me forget just how.
"W-well, I, um... th-that was the first time I'd ever done that." They refused to look at me, but I nodded anyway. "But it... w-wasn't the last? I-I mean, it was the last in... in public..."
They seemed to have trouble continuing, so I offered another nudge. "...but sometimes you'd do it again in private...?"
"...yeah. I... I tried out different looks and body types. A few of them I really liked. And sometimes, I... I caught myself wishing I could wear a look all the time. While going about my life, you know?"
"...why can't you~?"
They raised their head, and even the cat features managed to look utterly incredulous. "What, do you want me to out myself as a shifter!? Or are you suggesting I fake my own death or something?"
I couldn't help but laugh as I shook my head. "Nothing that dramatic! C'mon, you can be subtle. Call up a therapist, talk about your feelings a bit, get a prescription for some new medication..."
"...so like... actually transition...?"
I nodded. "If that's how you feel, then yeah." My smile widened as I scritched under their chin for a moment. "In case it wasn't clear, I'm here for you and will always support you fully. And I say you should do what feels right!"
"M-maybe. But that whole plan feels, I dunno... a little disingenuous?"
"So you can pass better than most and won't actually need any HRT or any surgery. Does that change who you want to be?"
She laid there for a long moment before responding. "...no..."
I nodded, still alternating between head scritches and long pets down her body. "...have a name in mind~?"
"...Coral..."
"Damn, you picked a pretty one~" I flopped back against the couch. "You've really been thinking about this ever since that night at the club, huh?"
"...yeah..." She was silent for a few more moments before speaking up again. "...sorry. I... I should've talked to you about it before now. I kept meaning to! But there was always some excuse I'd give myself, and then I wouldn't be able to speak up, and..."
I just nodded. "I get it. Kind of a shame, though... I could've asked you out waaay sooner."
"You... what!?" Watching the cat body language take over as she suddenly leapt up and backwards made it *really* hard not to laugh, but I held it down.
"Well yeah, remember how I kept saying I wanted to make sure I only left with the cutest girl at the club? Well, the cutest girl at the club that night was *you*. But I couldn't just say, 'hey you should turn yourself into a girl more so we can date' or anything. Glad I didn't too, or I wouldn't get the chance to see what other cute looks you've grown attached to~"
"Y-yeah, I-I guess you're right!" The panic in Coral's voice was similar to when I'd first gotten there, but somehow much more gay this time. "I uhhh, I should probably go change then!"
I patted my pocket as she dashed for the stairs. "Need that picture~?"
She stopped. "...no. Not right now, at least." She looked back at me with what I could only assume was the cat version of an emotional smile. It was *adorable*. "Thank you~"
I just nodded again as she turned and zoomed up the stairs, excited to see what she might look like when she came back down.
Your friend, a shapeshifter (a secret you've kept since childhood) hasn't answered your texts in days, so you head to their home. Upon arriving, you find that they're in the middle of an existential crisis; they can't remember how to turn back into their original, human form.
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Random Spencer Reid Thought #2
A/N: Fucking FINALLY got something written for once. Enjoy some crumbs, lovely readers <3
Content Warning 18+ Only, Minors DNI: swearing, smut, virgin!Spencer Reid, fem!reader, no use of Y/N, fingering, groping, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, dirty talk, rough sex, fluff
Some tags: @rafeyscurtainbangs @loserboysandlithium @hotwritergf @bloodibambiidoll
"Are you sure you're ready for this, Spence?" You ask Reid as you're straddling his thighs, the two of you naked in his bed as you have been so many times before. Although, it's different this time, because he's just asked you to take his virginity from him.
"Yes. I'm ready." He replies softly, sitting up against the headboard, his hands resting at your waist. He's brought you here on many occasions, though up until recently the most you'd do is make out until your lips were sore.
He'd met you at a book shop a few months ago, reaching for the same first edition of some dusty old classic. Sherlock Holmes, maybe, or perhaps even Moby Dick. He doesn't quite remember (and his unmatched memory captures everything), as he was far too focused on the gorgeous, soft hand that brushed against his own in grabbing for the book. A shared laugh soon followed, light and airy, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Your beauty enraptured him instantly, and he nearly tripped over himself to give you his number and await your call to plan a date of some sort. It was so unlike him to do so, it made him seriously question his sanity for an hour or two. But after a conversation with you that lasted hours into the night when he returned home that evening, he was pleased to find he'd made a very wise decision.
Fast forward to the last month or so, and things have rapidly progressed from hand-holding and passionate kisses to touching various naked areas with your hands and mouths. You've been patient, guiding Spencer along each stepping stone towards intercourse, encouraging him, exploring him in every way imaginable. Despite your insistence (and multiple comments he receives from certain coworkers of his), he's never exactly found himself to be attractive. Not really.
He's spent most of his life a full step ahead of everyone else in terms of education and career, leaving him considerably younger than most of his peers. That fact alone has made it rather difficult to experience a lot of 'firsts' in regards to intimacy. He's been kissed before you came along, maybe even felt up a little bit, but nothing beyond that. In all honesty, a part of him is glad to have been spared the awkward adolescent groping and vulgar attempts at playing grown-up, because now he's been able to share all of these amatory encounters with you.
"I want this. I want you." Spencer reiterates as you haven't made any next moves yet.
"I want you too, baby. I just have one more question." You say softly, brushing a wispy hair out of his face before cupping his cheek.
"And what's that?" Reid asks, unable to help smiling as you gaze at him adoringly.
"Do you want me to put a condom on you, or are you okay without one?" You ask, the words sounding a bit more clinical than you'd like. But it's a fair question.
"I-I dunno. Should I?" His brow furrows, unsure how to go about this. He's aware you're on the pill, though that statistically isn't 100% effective. And he may be a virgin, but he's aware of the mess sex can make, and it might spare a bit of cleanup afterwards. He's getting stuck on it now, pondering inside his head as you play with the foil wrapper between your fingers.
You giggle at his momentary trance, shaking your head. "It's only if you want to, Spence. It's not exactly a life-altering decision."
"That's not true. You could still end up pregnant." Spencer retorts, about to rattle off statistics at you about just how many children were born to parents who assumed oral contraceptives were enough. You put a finger over his mouth to stop him, and he sighs when he realizes how intense he's getting about this. He gently moves your hand away, speaking again. "I'm sorry, I'm being silly."
"No, you're not. It's sweet that you're so concerned." You reassure him, giving him a soft kiss. He hums into you, allowing your tongue to slip into his mouth for a moment. You pull away shortly after, taking his breath with you. With your lips still brushing against his, you meet his dizzied gaze. "I only ask, because I want your first time to be extra special. And it'll feel so much better if you fuck me without a condom on." You say seductively, making his pupils dilate with lust.
"Actually, studies show that there's little to no difference in sensat-" Reid's gargantuan mind starts up again, leaving you no choice but to cut him off by taking his cock in your grasp. "-fuck." He mutters, losing his train of thought entirely, his eyes flicking down to look at the scene between his legs. His stiff, ample length throbs in your hand, pearly beads of precum dripping down the side as you lazily stroke him.
"Baby, look at me..." You purr, drawing his gaze to you. "I'm gonna ask you again. All I need is a 'yes; or 'no', okay?" You wait for him to give an understanding nod. He does, as well as letting out one of the filthiest little moans you've ever heard. "Do you want to wear a condom?" You ask, letting his dick fall from your hand for a moment. He whines at the loss, the sound sending a flare of arousal between your legs.
"No. I want to feel you. All of you. Please." Spencer begs, and you could just about melt at the pitchy whimper in his voice. You've noticed he grows rather needy in bed, and it doesn't take much to rile him up. The way he takes everything you give him like a precious gift is so goddamn intoxicating.
"So do I, Spence." You say with a smile, one he mirrors. "Is this position okay? We can do it any way you want."
"This is fine, makes me feel close to you." Reid says sweetly, squeezing your hips a little.
"You wanna warm me up a little bit first?" You ask, longing to feel his touch.
"Of course." He nods, leaning in to press his lips to yours. Spencer always starts with a kiss, no matter what it is you end up doing. It's really romantic, and makes your knees weak every time. You let him lead, allowing his tongue to dominate yours in a fervent dance. His hand leaves your waist, trailing along your supple skin, leaving goosebumps in his wake. His long fingers brush past your inner thighs, reaching their intended destination without him having to look. He rubs slow circles on your clit, making you moan against his mouth. It doesn't take long for him to venture further, slipping two fingers inside your drenched cunt.
"Fuck, Spence." You moan aloud, the way his fingertips can reach your g-spot so quickly and easily takes you by surprise every time. You grab hold of his cock again, mainly holding it to keep him ready. Although, the sounds you're making and how wet you are seem to be doing that job just fine. The air of the room heats up, growing thinner as the seconds pass. Unabashed moans escape the two of you as you work each other up, building towards the one thing you've both desired for so long. "I'm ready when you are." You say breathlessly, eager to finally feel Spencer inside of you.
"O-Okay." He stutters, nodding his head enthusiastically. He pulls his fingers out of your cunt, bringing them to his lips. He sucks them clean, moaning at the taste of you. "Mm."
"Dirty boy." You tease, making a deep blush bloom wildly across his cheeks. You start to stroke him again, very slowly. You get up on your knees to position yourself over him.
He watches your every move, unable to say a word. It's finally happening. He's going to have sex. With you. Reid feels like a silly teenager with all these thoughts running through his head, but they all fall away the second you bring the tip of his cock to glide through your folds. You share a moan at the sensation, gazing at one another with parted mouths. Hearts pounding in anticipation, breath stolen from your lungs, arousal leaking from you both and mixing together in the indescribable friction. Spencer could cum just like this if he isn't careful.
"Ready?" You ask one final time, just to be absolutely sure that he wants this.
"Yes." Reid nods, trying to keep himself from squirming. You feel so good, and he's not even inside you yet. He's certain he won't last long, but you've already told him a hundred times that it won't be a problem.
You don't waste anymore time, holding his cock at your entrance and gradually sinking down onto him. "Fuck, Spence. You're so big." You moan as he splits you open. He's a bit larger than you've had before, and it's been quite some time since you've done this, so every inch is deliciously stuffing you full.
Reid, on the other hand, has gone completely mute. His mind has stopped working, and all he can do is grip onto your hips with all the strength he has without hurting you. You're absolute heaven inside, if he believed in such a thing. So hot, and slick, and snug, squeezing around his dick perfectly. He finally understands what all the fuss is about. He could just about cry from happiness in this moment. Once you're fully seated on him, your walls constrict out of reflex, which appears to get Spencer's sex-addled brain working again. "Oh, my...fuck- I, um, wow..." He babbles, unsure what to do with himself. His hands fidget at your sides aimlessly, and his expression twists and bends in all manner of ways as he attempts to get a grip on one singular thought.
"Shh, look at me, Spencer." You coo to him, leading his chin with your finger. He meets your eyes, though his own desperately want to roll back into his fucking skull. "That's it, baby. Just breathe, alright? Nice and slow, 'kay?" You guide him through the initial shock, nodding together slowly as he takes deep breaths. "There you go. I'm gonna start moving now, okay? Don't worry if you cum early, and just tell me if you need me to stop." You say softly, keeping things light and low-pressure. The last thing you need is him worrying about his performance.
"Okay." He breathes, chest shuddering as you start to ride him. You lift yourself up, almost letting him fall out altogether, and come back down at the same pace. You do this a few more times, gradually picking up a bit of speed.
"That feel good, baby?" You ask him, rolling your hips as you set a steady rhythm.
"Yeah, so fucking good." Spencer huffs, feeling close already. But he puts that out of his mind, focusing instead on enjoying this with you. "Do you feel good?" He asks, needing more than your vulgar moans as confirmation.
"So good, Spence. You fill me up so well, I'm so fucking wet for you." You admit these lewd thoughts to him, no stranger to being vocal during intimacy with him. Reid enjoys it immensely, adding words to the actions just makes everything astoundingly better. "Tell me how it feels to fuck me, Spencer." You say through a moan, riding him a little bit faster now.
Spencer groans at your increased speed, doing his best to hold back his orgasm. "I-It's exactly what I'd always hoped it would be." He starts. "I can hardly find the words to describe how much I'm enjoying this right now. You've blown my mind to pieces with this perfect fucking pussy." His grip on your waist grows rougher, taking you by surprise. He's following his instincts, leading you with his hands as you bounce on his cock. His assistance punctuates every landing you make, your noises growing louder as pleasure builds inside you. "I can feel you making a mess all over me, fucking soaked." He says, marveling at the drenched patch on his crotch. Your arousal glistens in the light as it's caught on his coarse hair and pale skin. "It drives me crazy to know you're loving this just as much as I am."
"I am, baby. You're so deep, hitting all the right places inside me." You say, speeding up a bit more. Spencer's hands migrate to your ass, squeezing your flesh roughly as he continues to keep up with you. You're surprised he's lasted this long, oddly proud of him for doing so.
"Fuck, you're incredible." Spencer groans, getting dangerously close to the edge again. He'd tell you to slow down, but everything feels too good to stop. Instead, he tries to drag you down with him, starting with diving face first into your tits. His mouth nips and sucks at your flesh wildly, struggling to land where he wants with your ceaseless bouncing. The noises he makes are borderline animalistic, groaning and grunting against your chest.
"Jesus, Spence!" You can't help letting out a breathless laugh at his urgency, picking up on the fact that his end is closer than your own. "You wanna try to help me out?" You offer, eager to feel him take some of the control. He doesn't say anything, just nods and makes an unintelligible sound at you. He thrusts his hips up, following what his primal urges are telling him to do. It appears to be working, given the shocked gasp that leaves your lungs at his effort. He keeps doing it, his mind turning to mush more and more as he fucks into your cunt to meet you halfway. "Oh my god! Yeah, keep doing that." You pant the words out, clinging to him by the shoulders.
Reid grins against your flesh, still biting and suckling while he pounds into you over and over. He's doing it, he's really doing it. He's keeping control of himself, he's going to make it. "Feel so fuckin' good, gonna make you cum, gonna make you scream, I promise...promise, promise..." Spencer murmurs to you, vowing to not give up, even though his balls are screaming for release right now. He has to get you there, if it's the last thing he'll ever do. "Such a perfect pussy, so good for me, so, so wet, fuck-" He groans when your walls constrict around him a bit, almost making him blow his load entirely.
"Don't stop, baby, you can do it, fuck me, make me cum, please, Spence..." You plead as your orgasm builds near the point of toppling over. His filthy mouth and feral actions have set you on fire from the inside out. You knew sleeping with Spencer would be special, and intense. But this is an entirely new level. His craving of you has blocked out all else, leaving him only with the mission to chase release. His, and your own.
"Oh, god, lay down, lay down, I'm gonna cum, gonna cum..." Spencer babbles, attempting to push you over onto your back. You follow his lead, his cock still sheathed inside you as you let him lead you where he wants. As soon as your body hits the mattress, he proceeds to ram himself into you as hard and as fast as he can.
"Fuck! Spencer!" You cry out as he hits an entirely new angle inside you, your ass resting over his knees as he thrusts forward. His hands grip your hips so hard, sure to leave dark bruises once he's through with you.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, gonna fill you up, gonna cum deep inside this pussy..." Reid grunts, sweat slicking him down, stomach clenching as he's about lose it.
"Keep going, baby. Don't stop, I'm almost there. Cum for me." You whine as his cock slams into you again and again.
"Fuck!" He nearly shouts when he finally feels it, his balls tightening, bliss washing over him, his hips stuttering as he fills you with thick ropes of white.
All you can do is bear witness as Spencer cums, harder than he ever has in his life. His brows knit together, mouth falling open as he moans so fucking loud. He keeps slamming his cock into you, hoping to pull you down alongside him. Feeling his load spill inside of you, as well as his desperate thrusts sends you tumbling over the edge. "Oh, god! Spencer!" You cry as your orgasm rips through you mercilessly. Your pussy clenches down on Reid's spent length, making him gasp as he keeps thrusting to get you off. You thighs shake violently, stars blurring your vision, hands clawing at the sheets beneath you. It's the most beautiful thing Spencer has ever seen.
You both slowly come down from your high, soaked in sweat and totally spent. Spencer carefully pulls out of you, though you still wince a little. "You okay?" He asks, noting your discomfort.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit worn out." You laugh lightly, crawling over to the right end of the bed to lie down. Spencer joins you, pulling the covers over you both and taking you into his arms.
"Sorry about that, I don't know what came over me." He says, a little embarrassed for losing control the way he did.
"It's okay, baby. More than okay, actually." You reassure him once again, stroking his damp face with your thumb. "I'm surprised you had it in you." You chuckle, and he does, too.
"So am I. I guess you...bring it out in me." He explains, and you nod in understanding.
"And I take that as a compliment." You say with a sleepy smile. "Did you have enjoy yourself?" You ask.
"Very much. Even more than I thought I would." Spencer says earnestly, making your heart skip a beat.
"Me too, Spence. And I'm so happy you chose me to enjoy this with." You reply, leaning in to give him a tender kiss. This night has been the best one of your lives (so far), and you look forward to sharing many more moments just like this one in the future. Together.
#hippiegoth97#fanfiction#smut#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid smut#dr spencer reid#criminal minds#criminal minds smut#criminal minds fluff#criminal minds fic#spencer reid x fem!reader#virgin!spencer reid
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Let Me Beat His Ass
A few things
Lol poor Daisuke his future wife is going through it and hasn't been returning his texts or calls
Malcolm truly is a big baby. Since Malcolm has been told "no" by Luna he doesn't know how to react. He's taking her wanting to see Andre as a personal attack against him rather than his sister just wanting to find out the truth.
Love Veronica and Luna, in an alt time they would have been GREAT
Transcript under the cut ~
Luna: She’s looking into it, she trying to find this “source”, Chantel isn’t saying who told her
The comments under the pic (it's much smaller on a phone than a computer)
@toucanman - I fucking knew it a rich girl like her would never actually be nice, she was just hiding her bitch ass attitude
@coochielicker - This isn’t the Luna I stan! All SMZ does is lie lie and LIE. Shes been acting for years and its only now shes a diva? Stop playing with my good sis!
@flo- Hmmm...I can see it tho, shes from a super wealthy family its probably her way or no way but who cares was anyone even hurt?
@fruitysims - LOL ive been waiting on something to come out on this hoe. Her nice girl shtick was so overbearing now her true colors are coming out. Thank god
----------------------
Veronica: What did Destiny say? Is she gonna do anything about this?
Veronica: You should send her bitch ass a lawyers letter or something. Can’t be legal to spread malaious rumors like that
Luna: I dunno. I’d rather find this source
Veronica: Where the hell is that man of yours? He must have connections he can use
Luna: Probably... he’s been calling but I don’t even have the time to deal with him right now. Malcolm that bitch still won’t talk to me and now Andre’s face is all over the news and my bitch Dad hasn't even called. It's...a lot right now
Veronica: Let’s travel then, How about Tomarang or Tartosa? Just until everything dies down and you figure out what to do next
Luna: No...I don’t want to leave Andre to deal with this alone and Malcolm is gonna crash out once he sees this online...I can’t leave right now
Veronica: Get off your phone babes. Reading all these comments is going to make you feel worse.
Luna: This is fucking awful and I miss Malcolm, can’t believe his ass won’t talk to me. Benji gives me updates but I’d like to meet Andre with Malcolm.
Veronica: Malcolm is the biggest fucking baby you gotta force him to see reason. If you don’t he’s just gonna pout and mop all day. Let me talk to him
Luna: What are you gonna do? Beat him up?
Veronica: Yes? Beat him up verbally at least. You’re hurting and he needs to get over himself, I'll help him see reason
Luna: He really does listen to you. Don’t be too harsh on him
Veronica: Hush. It's important you guys deal with this Andre thing. Malcolm needs to at least hear him out and stop punishing you for wanting to talk to Andre
Luna: Hahaha Malcolm has always been so sensitive, I wonder where he gets his bitch ass attitude from
Luna: V... it's been hell these past few days. It means a lot that you’re here with me now
Veronica: Babe. You’re basically my sister and I love you. Whatever is happening now will pass I know it will.
Luna: Feels like it's never going to end everything is going to fucking shit. I’ve never fought with Malcolm like this and Benji doesn’t know what to do he hates being in the middle of all this
Veronica: Sleep it off. I can’t help with what's going on online but I can and I WILL speak with Malcolm okay?
Luna: Okay...
Veronica: No more tears babe. I’ll beat his ass up if I have to. Just wait for my call okay?
Veronica: Love you too babes
Luna: Love you V
#sims 4#sims 4 screenshots#black simblr#ts4 screenies#ts4 screenshots#ts4 simblr#ts4 stories#ts4 story#thereevesfamily#a small update while i get the next one ready the game was being such a bitch and work also fucking sucks
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friend told another friend a joke, lunchroom was too loud for me to hear it but other friend was suddenly dying of laughter. i asked what the joke was cuz i didn't hear it and my friend said "oh no, you won't like it. You're ace. You don't like sex"
and honestly i'm a bit devastated!!!
#sigh. Did i just doom myself to the 'doesn't like sex' person of the friend group just cuz i said i'm ace.#brother we've shared countless sex jokes before and we were giggling like immature little maniacs. just cause i realized i'm ace doesn't#mean that i'm some puritan now!! tell me the fucken joke dumbass /affectionate#hrghfhfgg#should i even be talking about this here? i dunno!!#i'll delete this later. whatever.#mint says shit
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okay here is the original ramble under the cut here! mainly doing these to the ones with associated textposts for different tagging systems tbh LOL
vvv
TLDR - The Universe keeps fucking with Loop and they are not really happy about it, regardless of timing.
While I haven't decided anything 100% concrete for Loop, the idea of a reverse isekaied Loop in general is interesting to me, so I'll be exploring that a bit here. Especially in terms of timing on when Loop gets taken out of their timeline. At least in terms of immediate outlook within this AU. So, for now, have a couple of those thoughts!
---
The two main points in time I am currently considering are the following:
1. From when they gave up their original wish and made a new one.
In this instance, I feel like their arc would play a bit similar to in game
Seeing this new world as different & peaceful
Since they don’t have to deal with the loops anymore, just watch whatever happens.
Be a lil silly for funsies! The chaos that can ensue with a star being existing within a modern world!
Even though it hurts to see Siffrin’s team hanging around, they really don’t have anywhere to go at the moment (hard to hide a star being in this type of world)
To a slow realization of how unfair this whole situation is. In comparison to all of the horrors they went through, this Siffrin has it so easy.
This Siffrin gets to live an idyllic life, free from the world calamity of being frozen & the literal time loop.
This Siffrin gets to freely hang around their family team, with no foreseeable "end" to being with them in sight.
This Siffrin had their original wish, the wish Loop wanted granted, handed to them on a silver platter.
This Siffrin, nor anyone in this world, would ever be able to come close to understanding what Loop went through; Loop would never truly be seen in this world, not fully anyway.
What does The Universe have against them, to put them into this world and make them witness all of this?
It should have been them, with this carefree type of life, given all they went through.
2. AFTER the fight with Siffrin.
This leans a bit more lighthearted than the last, since Loop would have gone through all the development from the game via convos + the talk at the very end with Siffrin, and has a bit more peace about their whole deal.
Perhaps they would still see the same conclusions as above, since healing from the horrors would not happen all at once, if ever, with additional flavor
Underlying bitterness in why the script is still going.
Why is The Universe asking for them to continue into a new world and role?
Haven’t they had enough, once making them witness another Siffrin’s loops and perfect ending, and now a completely idyllic Siffrin’s life from the get go?
However, there is also a bit of hope in the entire situation. Since if The Universe keeps deciding to fuck with them (as in, sending them to different world lines) there is still, technically, the chance of going backward as well.
To their original timeline and to their family.
Once could have been a one-off, but twice?
Perhaps three world jumps might be the minimum to go back, following standard wishing rituals?
More hope in this one from the get-go, with that thought in mind.
---
Though there are probably other points in time that would be interesting too!
Another one I was considering was RIGHT BEFORE the fight with Siffrin, perhaps even mid-fight. However, I don't think that makes much sense for this particular AU ASAFASFASDAS. Can you imagine if Loop just spawned into this world, doesn't realize this is a completely different Siffrin, and attacks on sight?????
Honestly the idea of a reverse-isekaied Loop into different AU's in general is neat, would love to see other people's takes on it!! Especially cuz of the various reactions/conclusions Loop could have/make based on the scenario/circumstances would be interesting, if that makes sense. At least I think there is something in that thought? I dunno!
I feel like I am missing some characterization bits in here, but that was the main gist of it for now since I cannot remember LMAO.
Mumblings over, thanks for reading my silly thoughts if you got this far!!!
a star being appeared in your apartment, wdyd?
(aka loop getting reverse isekaied into the modern office au)
also there are some scattered mumblings on loop in this AU under the cut actually in an rb now link right here if anyone's interested (spoilers for all of ISAT, including 2hats!)
#srb#isat spoilers#<- benefit of doing it like this is when the rambles technically have 2 diff sets of spoilers since this is 2hats but original isnt#reverse entry au#reverse isekai loop au#miki muses#text
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And I just have to tell you that I
Love you so much these days,
#homestuck#dirk strider#bgd#brain ghost dirk#jake english#dirkjake#hs2#homestuck^2#homestuck 2#hsbc#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck epilogues#candy epilogue#admin draws#fanart#i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry#im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG#i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy#but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries#when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple#theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance#and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say#hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down#he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself#he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion#sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS
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people are saying he « led her on » because he did. the fact that he kissed her in the first episode set the tone for the rest of the season and if you can’t perceive the flirting I’m sorry but how?? he didn’t make anything clear he sent the craziest mixed signals in the world. there’s nothing revolutionary about claiming that Martha was being pushy toward someone who was clearly not interested it’s 1) weird to claim in what it suggests about her 2) factually not true.
I wasn’t gonna respond to this at first because the top half of this ask is pretty much just individual interpretation and I don’t really care about it. Like, no, to me, the Doctor doesn’t seem especially flirty towards Martha. He’s just sort of Like That. That’s his damage, you know, Mr. I need to traumadump on anyone who tolerates being around me for more than five minutes. Mr. If I don’t develop an intensely codependent emotional bond with the companion I have currently I’ll die. It doesn’t read to me as him trying to lead her on because that bit’s honest, and he does it with damn near every companion he’s ever had.
And if nothing else, because we do see Ten when he tries to flirt intentionally and he’s a fuckin dork about it. Kind of guy who looked up romance in the dictionary and took notes. Kinda guy who draws diagrams to maximize kissing potential. It would have been obvious even to me (<- romance-blind as all fuck) if he was flirting with Martha on purpose because he’s not smooth at all; he flirts like he’s gotten lines in a play and he’s super excited to be the main star.
But anyway, as I was saying, that’s just how I see it. And if you see it different, no skin off my back, I just disagree.
But I take umbrage with you putting words in my mouth. I never said Martha was pushy towards him. Because yeah, she’s not. If I implied that she was, then it was a result of poor phrasing on my part. Martha’s not at fault for what she feels, for wanting there to come something of it. No more at fault than the Doctor is for not returning those feelings. It’s a bit weird that you’re assuming that I think one of them has to be the bad guy here when that was the opposite of what I was saying. My point was: When it comes to their romantic subtext of their relationship, it’s weird to pretend like either of them are to blame for them not being in a relationship at the end of s3, and even weirder to assert that as part of why Martha supposedly wouldn’t like the Doctor afterwards when they’re. friends. they continue to be friends into s4.
Martha’s not pushy. She has a crush on her friend. It happens. He doesn’t return it. This also happens. Both of these facts are pushed to the extreme because he’s a time-traveling alien with poor emotional skills and she’s put herself in the position of needing to help him from minute one of meeting each other. That’s why it’s fun to watch, because the Doctor is both so open and so unavailable in turns, because Martha’s feelings for him grow and change as she knows more about her Doctor until she decides to step back.
I don’t know, man. You seem to be coming at this as if one of them has to be The Problem™️. I don’t think either of them is, not so definitively. I think boiling their relationship down to that is reductive and an insult to the way they both grow over s3, to Martha’s choice to continue to be his friend while also establishing her own boundaries, to the fact that the Doctor is able to let her go without immediately trying to kill himself afterwards when she’s not there to catch him.
#the thing about the doctor is that if you want to tell me that he’s Extra Special Flirty With This Companion.#i dunno. feels like something that requires a lot of proof lmao. because the doctor is a freak who latches onto people like a barnacle and#gets way too invested way too quick and holds on like he’ll die if he even thinks of letting go. he’s just like that. he’s just like that.#he’s like that with rose he’s like that with martha he’s like that with donna amy clara bill!!!! these relationships are all different but#the common core is that the doctor is a freak! the doctor clings on too tight!!! the doctor will fuck you up he loves you so much!!!#idk! is it more leading on for the doctor to kiss martha to pull off a plan than it is for him to reshape amy’s life around him on accident#and then show up when she’s an adult to finally whisk her away. or to let clara do emotional infidelity with him for months while#insisting that he’s not her boyfriend. i don’t think ever he is. i think he’s just like gravity. mavity. you’re gonna orbit him because he’s#something cosmic and unknowable. and he’s also your best friend. he’s always too much and too tangible all at once.#am i making any sense here.#ask#martha jones#the doctor#tenth doctor#doctor who#idk man its like 7 in the morning where i am im not awake enough to talk martha/ten semantics. personally i think they should have made out#on screen even more without ever clarifying the nature of their relationship so that they had even weirder and more complicated feelings#about each other.
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one thing I dislike is the sophomoric idea that society should, naturally, move towards a completely genderless model. I get where it's coming from, but it assumes an impossible level of homogeneity rather than accepting that - in the infinity of genders that DO and WILL exist - there are some which will take familiar forms and patterns and names.
Like, look, I don't live in the androgynous future ze're imaging. But if I did I would still feel alienated and out-of-place in a slightly different way from the way I felt growing up under gendered capitalism. Because I'm not genderless, and I know damn well that I'd still feel some calling to change... something about myself. Even without words like "woman" or "witch."
It's a nice dream. it might be comforting to some. But it seems like an airy fantasy to me, and not one I can see myself living in.
Obviously I agree that the barriers between genders need to be broken down. Obviously I don't think the traditional gender roles as our society sells them to us are working. But the future I see has more kinds of people and not less.
#random musings#this came up in a zine i read the other night#i mean obviously i won't live to see the hypothetical gender-free future but#i dunno it didn't work out so well in tengoku daimakyou#just trying to keep the kids ignorant of concepts like sex and gender#i can't imagine that if humans stay essentially the same type of creature (they're extremely varied!!!) they'll be able to abandon this ide#gender is a fuck#if it's something that's imposed on you from without#but for some folks#gender is something you can't give up no matter what#not a rational or a logical thing but something deeply tied to identity in a way that can't be cleanly separated#this fantasy then simply supposes that these people are wrong and would naturally fall in line if society simply “forgot” about gender#which i do not agree with. i think new genders will still crop up even if the public is ignorant of the whole concept#even without words or images or examples to express it the idea will come back#unless humans become a very very different type of creature#but that's neither here nor there - we're still talking about human society#so what - should these folks just suffer silently in a different type of society? seems a bit counterintuitive#(personally i'm of the opinion that there are at least as many genders as there are people - but probably more)
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Some article that literally tried to claim "ackshually mass bombing consumer electronics in a foreign country, causing mass injury and fear isnt terorism 🤓🤓🤓"
From Soul Eater post chapter 26
#soul eater post#soul eater#crona gorgon#yeah guess israel would be justified to drop a nuke on germany cause there are neo-nazis there so killing them would make it fighting teror#i dunno it just fucked like im not american and I dont care about your elections but even if I do why should i when you#will just have zionists in control either way like i dont give a shit that trump is orange but i do care that he is willing to bomb iran an#so is the other hoe#and if you are getting angry or think this is cringe this is way i “dont talk politics” cause whats the point?#but yeah#yeah sorry for real this time last time I will say anything here cause the shame will be enough to not vent anymore on places like this#chapter 26
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.
#so there's this girl#and there's this conversation I had where I told Prettyboy about a coworker whose version of polyamory is#'she says she needs me back in Washington but I don't have a job there. I keep telling her to get another boyfriend while I'm out of town#just make sure he's not around when I visit so I don't have to fight anybody'#That tickled me. And the conversation ended with me getting like a third of a hall pass. I gotta call if anything happens.#Call so Prettyboy feels like he's part of my romantic life even when the romance isn't him#Which is the opposite track of the one I was giggling about okay yeah#But like my best friend here is. Super pretty. Ridiculously pretty.#And kind and works hard and takes care of the people she loves. She's always finding ways to help me.#And she's vegan and loves my cooking and that's my love language okay#I wanna make sure she eats I wanna see what happens if she's given full reigns on dominance I want I yearn#And we talk for hours about nothing but it's been weeks since I've been like one third available and I dunno how to tell her#Or if I should or if I'd be just another person in her life who wants her for what she can do for them#I think my intentions are good but it's lonely. The long distance and the seasonal work and the isolated town up in the mountains.#And maybe I just want to be held.#I know she's grey ace and a lot of the romantic relationships she's had in the past were very manipulative and not what she really wanted#Maybe that's what's pulling me in so hard like am I just insecure and want to prove myself yet again#I've always been drawn to flaky people#I wanna be the one person they show up for#This is the thing that I actually need to process in therapy and can't just lsd the anxiety away#Though that worked for most things#Take hallucinagens. Once.#I'm such a hugger but only worked up the courage to hug her a few days ago.#We've been talking (lowercase t) for months.#And I know she has her own long distance unicorn relationship back in Kentucky. I'm hoping the subject will just surface again.#And then I can say hey#I think you're really pretty
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like okay. i know this is the excusing mass murder for your fictional blorbos site. so what i’m about to say may seem strange. but there’s still SUCH a societal issue where we just… reject someone as soon as they cross a specific boundary. doing some bad things is sometimes okay but if you do a specific one (insert whatever here!!) you’re automatically irredeemable. and obviously in personal relationships i think this is usually completely justified and fine? you’re always entitled to not want to be around someone if they do something that hurts you or other people. or even just like. ever. but on a societal level it’s horrific. no one is beyond help (yes, not even that person you’re thinking of now) and no crime or act is “too bad” that the person who committed it deserves to be condemned forever as completely unable to change. our justice system is punitive and unempathic and our society frames mental illness as personal weakness and no one really gives a shit about victims unless they’re absolutely perfect. and these acts that push people “beyond redemption” in the eyes of the public or whatever depend so much on the person as well, obviously, their general social status. generally minorities tend to have to be so much More Perfect than anyone else. and, anyway, i don’t have a solution to it all, really, not our fucked up justice system or the mentalities that make us condemn people with our pseudopsychiatric armchair diagnosises of ‘narcissist’ and ‘psychopath’ or the way that everyone’s so hellbent on vengeance when that doesn’t actually help anything least of all victims. Idk. i just find it really depressing sometimes
#oliver talks#I don’t know what im saying here#i feel like i’m always calling for more understanding to be shown towards terrible people#and i don’t like that. i don’t want to seem like i care about perpetrators more than their victims because obviously that’s not true#but it’s just…. i don’t know. people are capable of a lot of things? and you really don’t know what you’re capable of until you’re tested on#it. and obviously people are ‘responsible for their own actions’. but it’s also fucking stupid to act like people aren’t#sometimes incredibly influenced by their childhoods and trauma responses and mental illnesses and even just emotions.#and. like. i dunno. the whole culture of someone does one bad thing and that’s IT just makes people way more likely to continue being shitty#because they’ve always been branded as it#everyone’s adamant to reiterate that they’re not ‘defending’ whatever if they emphasise with someone. that’s fucked up and we should think#about why that is; why seeing yourself in someone or expressing sympathy towards a horrible situation is automatically seen as supporting#them. even when we all have that within us#i’m aware a lot of this sounds very pointed but it truly is not about any one thing. just a lot of stuff i always see.#i don’t know. i get really miserable when i think about the justice system
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My cats have had diarrhea the past few days and my mom thinks I should call the vet and ask if they need to be brought in I freaking hope not I feel guilty every time because it’s mom who has to pay for it but I still don’t have a job yet. Ughh
#personal#I’ve been doing this stuff to work with turbo tax or whatever#its boring#everything is fucking boring but the only thing I’m even somewhat interested in are things my mom doesn’t want to help me with financially#like with this tax stuff she offered to buy me a laptop#but with the game writing course that I’m ya know actually excited about#nothing#and then she started talking about how bad the economy is so i couldn’t even find the guts to ask#I really hoped she’d offer I mean with my siblings she’s always helped them out#but that’s like at a college so it’s more stable seeming I guess#I dunno#I fucking hate asking for things#I feel like I’m constantly asking for either help or permission just to be here#just to fucking exist#because I don’t want to be here I don’t want to exist#so I’m just failing over and over at what everyone else can seem to do so easily#and I’m so tired#I’m so tired and i don’t even feel like i should be allowed to be tired#I mean seriously I take a boring class three times a week and im falling off the deep end#for fucks sake#everything just feels so hard#why is everything so hard
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More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)
#anyway i continue to Lavellan post because i did some stuff and I'm tired now anyway. thinking about the beginning of the game and#how he's mostly leaning into the herald bullshit because he thinks it'll help him belong here and make people like him and how#devastatingly it's going to hit him after in your heart shall burn (I'm basically leaning into it as much as#possible without establishing him as faithful since it's more difficult to make Leliana pope that way but in my head#he took every 'yeah I'm herald I'm heralding so much andraste right now' option besides one with cass and one with Leliana)#like. he doesn't even really believe it but most people either like hearing it or if they react negatively it's in a way that still#acknowledges him as in charge so he'll roll with that. but then. everything in YHTB happens and it's just like. Oh. Oh Shit. like#it was this mix of bullshitting for fun and saying what people wanted to hear and kind of believing that maybe he was chosen by#Something at least. and like. it's not like he didn't do anything on his own or at least without any special abilities but then#The classic seeing all that be swept aside. realizing how this is going to be remembered because it's already happening. maybe#he should have known that the second he was asked if there was room for more among his gods.#but then. what do you expect. his first memory is being discarded (that's not entirely what it was but that's how his child brain#precessed it) and practically going feral because of it and then. having So Much catching up to do when it came to. basically every#aspect of being a person#and like. he was accepted along with Rella but that still gets to you. especially since. sure he didn't fully understand what it means to#be pitied but he could still recognize that from others. could still want to prove he was Better Than That. could still want to shatter tha#sheet of glass between himself and seemingly everyone else (even Rella to be honest. if only because she almost left him behind too). how#would he not lean into being seen as something special. whether he fully believed the narrative others were spinning or not#i dunno i see a lot of people talking about their Lavellan pushing back against the narrative from the start but i kind of like the#idea of going along with it. thinking it won't get that far and surely he can correct it if it does. he's in charge after all. right? only#to get hit harder than an avalanche by the realization that he's not in control after all. he can direct as many forces as he wants#but he can't change how he'll be remembered. how he's already being remembered. and he contributed to it too? i dunno his specific#combination of pride and insecurity and need to just Belong. to just belong as himself. is. compelling#If anyone is reading this Ive seen posts about all Lavellans having the same personality but no one's elaborated? am i just doing that?#i actually want to know. you know. assuming anyone is reading this.#i dunno just thinking about his continuous need to prove himself for so many reasons (partially because of Rella too since#yeah Rella is a mage but not the first or anything. she's just there because people knew she had nowhere else to go). okay I'll shut up now#but yeah what is this Standard Lavellan Personality i keep hearing about?#original posts#but like. something something he's being discarded again but he understands it this time and he can't fight it and just
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I forgot YouTube has a recap feature, yippee! I love music :)
#i'm a little confused how Mori still got top artists this year i really didn't think i listened to her that much this year?#her last album was... not for me lets say. i guess i did listen to Unalive a lot. Resting Power is a genuine banger#you know what else is a banger? Lone Alpha's album Virtual Paradise steaming now on all platforms go listen to it it's so good#(shameless plug because i was on top 1% of their listeners and thats a travesty. everyone should listen to them they're incredible)#all my top tracks were songs i got stuck on and listened to for literally hours on loop#I played my number one track 88 times. i like it :)#here's a link because i dunno if it'll come up from the auto translated title -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAmA3w4lVAY#is it the best song in the world? no. it's a pretty typical piece of idol music. but its very dear to me.#i'm not even familiar with the vtuber who sings it. it just tumbled across my recommendations one day and stuck with me#the rest of my top tracks are like genuinely good. those are complete recommendations from me -w-)b#the second one a kinda ancient cover by Rachie. i've been listening to that sing since i was a teenage lol#i've just been feeling it this year i guess. i got stuck on it for a couple weeks and just kept looping back to it#the third one is Thai which was cool. i haven't heard a lot of songs in that language but it's really lovely#actually i'll link that one to 'cause if you're not familiar it might be hard to find -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S5b1lbWyUU#all the singers on it are great. i really like Schneider's Thai covers of other songs#and like. every single cover i've heard from Dacapo has been PHENOMENAL he's great#the last 2 are Paradox Live songs. I fucking love Amprule. Yeon Dongha number one forever#this is already to long but i wanna talk about Kessoku Band to. I still haven't watched Bochii (<fake anime fan) but the OST is NEXT LEVEL#every single song is just so <3<3 ''If i could be a constellation'' is just THE best. every song on the album is good.#you can ignore the rest of my recommendations but this album is just objectively good.#link -> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_mNWkxcU6VC_aWOFnpqYha-J5UMzwbVlx4#EDIT: i'm coming back to edit this days later because oh. fucking DUH. Sinderella end of last year/start of this year. i fucking forgot.#JIGOKU 6 was not really my favourite. i liked a couple songs but some of the others weren't for me#(which i could say about Sinderlla to i guess but since it's got more songs i feel more positively about as a whole)#anyway. i didn't go that hard on Jigoku and since that the most recent one i was just like hm? what Mori did I listen to?#it was Sinderella from last year. I listened to that one A LOT.#Wanted -Wasted is just so good it carries the whole album for me. it even compensates for Internet Brain Rot lmao#snow blogging#music recs
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What the ever-loving fuck am I ever saying to anyone?
Because whatever the hell it is, I sure as shit don't mean it.
#here we are with vinny's feelings vaguely disguising my own#several sucky things have happened in succession that've made me feel AWFUL and it's all cause I'm.. bad. at talking#I got blocked and did not understand what had happened til after I spent an hour meticulously apologizing then couldn't send it#I!!!! feel terrible!!!!!! I'd conducted myself SO POORLY this person thought I'd just go complain about them and forget it???#like no damn sorry I feel horrendous about this and probably will forever. I'm extremely sorry and I couldn't even tell you#I literally could not think about anything else for days.#I deleted our chat since I didn't want to obsess over every word I had ever said to them like I knew I would#cause there isn't really any recourse here that doesn't hurt them. I just hurt them and they'll never know how immensely sorry I am#I just. couldn't get over how they thought I never cared. that's been said to me in so many ways over the years and FUCK it hurts#I think it stung especially hard bc something similar but much more hurtful happened years ago#I dunno. then a couple other more mild instances of me being foolish occurred. it's been making me want to implode#how can I continue to do such awful things and not even realize what I've said before it's way too late#sigh sorry I did not want to go on like this it's going to stick with me for a while and probably not feel better for a long time if at all#guh. I looked at this sketch on the phone and you cannot see anything if you're on a low brightness as I am all the time. gotta fix that#also realized in the caption 'ever' is in there like 3 times and idk if that repetition sucks or kinda has a rhythm#how should I know! as we just established I am the WORST with words!#I FORGOT ALL MY TAGS#do I even want em here after this novel of wough#idk maybe when/if I come back to this n make it presentable it'll get proper tags
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Don't Call Me Kid - Chapter 8 (part one)
(Rafe Cameron x Reader series, 4.1k words)
series summary: You'd had a crush on Rafe Cameron since you were six years old, but he friend zoned you at every turn. Once shy and insecure, you found new confidence and self-love after high school. When your high school friends go on a reunion beach trip, Rafe finally sees what he lost, but he isn't going to give you up without a fight.
tropes: unrequited crush, glow up, she fell first/he fell harder
series content: some angst, eventual fluff, slow burn, tomfoolery and shenanigans, drinking, fem!reader has occasional insecurity and body image issues
⇢ series masterlist
additional chapter cw! suggestive moments, mature readers only
Carter could hear his car approaching before it even came into view.
She had been grounded for two weeks, caught out with Topper on his granddad’s boat past curfew, and she had never been more bored in her life. Slumped back on the couch, she dipped her hand in the bag to grab another chip, pausing mid-bite when she heard the familiar hum of Rafe’s truck engine growl down the street.
“Oh fuck no,” she hopped off the couch, a trail of crumbs in her wake as she jogged to the front door.
Though she knew you were away for the afternoon, your mom taking you to tour a local college on the mainland, she instinctively double checked that your car was still gone. She was thankful you weren’t here to see him in his oversized ego-mobile zipping down your street like he owned it.
You’d been devastated all week, crying yourself to sleep in the wake of seeing Rafe kiss Cassie Bryant. Nothing made Carter angrier than knowing you were hurt and not being able to do anything about it.
She couldn’t believe his nerve to show up here. He’d been texting to you all week, clearly not taking your lack of response for the answer that it was. You were finally finding the strength to stay away from him, and she was not about to let that unravel.
She stood on the front porch, closing the door firmly behind her, arms crossed and stance wide like she was prepared to defend her castle. Really, she was prepared to defend you.
Rafe parallel parked on the street, some misogynistic country song blaring from his subwoofers. Carter rolled her eyes at the way his massive truck took up enough space for two cars, always claiming what wasn’t his, taking and taking and giving nothing in return.
Closing the driver’s door with a bang, Rafe hopped down from his truck and strolled toward the house, stopping short in the front walk when he noticed Carter glaring out at him.
“You have some fucking nerve, Cameron,” she spat at him.
“I’m not here for you,” he glared back.
“Well no one else in this house wants to talk to your ass right now so you can go ahead and turn right back around.”
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I just wanna know why she wasn’t at my game today.”
“Uh-oh,” she tilted her head in mock-sympathy, “did ya lose?”
He clenched his jaw, an angry huff of air flaring his nostrils, “yeah, we lost.”
“Good.”
“Can you just let me in?” He started moving toward the front steps, but she didn’t move from her spot blocking the door. “I need to talk to her and she’s not answering my texts.”
“Do you think that’s an accident?” She scoffed. “Take a hint.”
“Okay, what’s your fucking problem, Carter?” He snapped the sentence off with a bite of her name.
“You’re my problem, Rafe,” she bit right back.
“What the fuck did I do? Why isn’t your sister answering my calls?”
“I dunno, maybe you should ask Cassie Bryant,” her hands uncrossed and rested on her hips.
Rafe stepped back, head dropping back in exasperation as he rolled his eyes at the sky.
“That’s what this is about? Cassie and I are just hooking up, what’s the big deal?”
“You mean besides the fact that Cassie’s made my sister’s life hell since they were in the same Kindergarten class?” She threw at him. “Or that you’ve been dragging my sister along since she was six years old just to ditch her for some wannabe Addison Rae tiktok flop?”
“God, you’re always so fucking dramatic, it isn’t even like that,” he gestured toward the window of your bedroom, still assuming you were up there somewhere avoiding him, “your sister knows we’re cool.”
“You’re not cool, Rafe. You’re an idiot,” she told him with a pitying shake of her head.
Rafe turned her words over in his head, finally stopping long enough to consider the possibility that he’d done more damage than he initially thought.
“Is she really mad at me?” He mumbled, tucking his hands into his pockets.
Carter sighed, “No. She’s not mad at you. She’s never mad at you, that’s the problem. You don’t make her mad, you make her sad. All you ever do is make her sad.”
Shoulders falling, Rafe looked past Carter with a vacant stare. He looked so confused and distraught she almost felt bad for him. Almost.
“I didn’t mean to make her sad,” he mumbled, almost at a whisper.
Carter scanned him with narrowed eyes, trying to decide if his penance was sincere. He looked down at his shoes, digging the tip of one into the stony walkway.
“How do I fix it?”
Carter started to think maybe he was sincere after all, but she still wasn’t sure he was in any place to be asking for advice.
“I don’t know if you can,” she told him.
“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” he said hopefully, trying to console himself. “She’ll come around.”
He looked at Carter like he was actually expecting her to agree.
“And then what, Rafe?” She tilted her head, genuinely curious about the answer. “What’s the end game here? You’ll just make her sad for a few more months and then go off to school and…what?”
“I dunno,” he shrugged defensively. “I haven’t thought about it.”
“Exactly. You don’t think things through. That’s always been your problem,” she informed him, “you just do what you want and pay no attention to how it affects other people. If you really cared about her, you wouldn’t keep putting her through the same shit over and over.”
“I do care about her,” he mumbled, her words beginning to penetrate his carefully constructed antagonistic armor.
“I wish I could believe that,” she shook her head sadly, “I wish she could believe that. At least when she did, she wasn’t crying herself to sleep every night.”
Sour regret burned in his throat at the thought of your tears dripping onto your pillowcase, some unfamiliar heartache he didn’t understand.
“Maybe you could convince her that I do,” he offered, “she listens to you.”
“Why would I do that?” Carter snapped.
“Because then she wouldn’t be so sad,” his voice was so feeble it was like he was shrinking right before her eyes, his tall, intimidating frame so small and inadequate under the towering shadow of his guilt.
“Tell you what Rafe,” she began, “I’ll try and convince her that you care about her if you can look me in the eyes and tell me with your whole chest that you won’t hurt her anymore, that you won’t use her to your advantage, or drop off the face of the earth for weeks not answering her texts, or kiss other girls right in front of her face. That you’ll fight for her and put her before your own selfish bullshit. Can you make that promise?”
He wrung his hands, mindlessly adjusting the ring on his right forefinger, jaw clenched as he tried to will forth a convincing enough yes. He couldn’t do it.
“That’s what I thought,” Carter said. “If you can’t fight for her, then…”
“What?” He asked desperately, hoping she’d offer him some olive branch shaped way out of the shame engulfing his chest.
“Then I am asking you- begging you really - to let her go. Stop texting, stop coming by the house, stop making promises you’re not gonna keep. Please. If not for me, then for her.”
“Do you think that’s what she wants?” He asked.
“No. But I think it’s what she needs,” she said, knowing it would kill you if you knew she was doing this, but believing with her whole heart that it was right.
Rafe rarely thought about the future. The farthest his mind went was the next few minutes in front of him. It was his fatal flaw, acting for the moment and not for the moment after, or the version of himself that would face the consequences of his poor choices. Yet, in this moment, he had the keen sense that his next move would be a pivotal one, the gravity of it making his feet feel heavy on the stone pathway. He could stay, he could argue, scream your name until you came out and talked to him. But then what? Would he have the courage to follow through? Was he enough of a man to handle the weight of your expectation?
Ultimately, he knew the right thing was to stay and fight, but the easy thing would be to just go.
So, as he almost always did, Rafe made the easy choice.
“Okay,” he nodded to Carter. “I’ll let her go.”
“Thank you,” she said, voice shaking with the fear that if you knew what she just convinced him to do, you’d never forgive her.
“I’m not doing it for you,” he made sure she knew before turning and climbing back into his truck.
Once in the driver’s seat, he pulled out his phone, looking at your name in his contacts. Like his fingers were moving without his mind’s permission, he deleted you. It didn’t matter really, he thought, he’d remember your number on his deathbed. He’d remember it all, and he’d hate himself forever for driving away.
Carter stayed on the porch, watching him go, praying desperately that you’d never find out she was the reason he left.
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“We’re gonna have to go back eventually,” you said.
Rafe sat behind you in the sand, holding you with his chin resting easy on your shoulder as you took in the sprawling pink sunrise together.
“Says who?” He countered.
You smiled, craning your neck to look up at him. His eyelids were heavy, purple under the eyes from the exhaustion of being awake all night.
“You’re falling asleep,” you noticed.
“Yeah because some girl kept me up all night, begging me to take her to the beach and kiss her,” he joked.
“Excuse me, sir, this was your idea!” You sat up and stretched, your words making him laugh despite his immediate discomfort at the loss of your body in his arms. “What time is it anyway?”
“I dunno,” he shrugged, “my phone’s in the car.”
“Mine too,” you chuckled, “I hope Carter’s okay. She was looking rough before we left.”
He had half a mind to propose the two of you never leave the beach, but he could hear the genuine concern under your lighthearted words. He stood from the sand and dusted himself off, reaching out a hand to pull you to your feet. You took it with a smile, lingering for a moment as you stood, your hand in his, taking one last look around the beach, searching for some kind of landmark.
“What are you looking for?” He asked.
“I just want to remember exactly where we were,” you explained.
“Why, you wanna recreate it?” He smiled softly at you.
“Oh, I plan to recreate it many times,” you wink at him.
It took all his strength to leave that spot and head back to the car, back to the house full of people who weren’t you, back to reality.
“I can drive,” he suggested, planning to take the slowest route possible, and actually follow the speed limit for the first time in his life.
As soon as he started the car up, your CD started blasting through the speakers. You laughed at each other, the catalyst of this whole encounter feeling like it was days ago. The time on the car radio told you it’d only been about two hours. You lifted your phone but the screen remained black.
“Shit, it’s dead,” you told him, opening the glovebox and digging around for a charger.
While you were distracted, Rafe lifted his own phone from the cupholder he’d left it in. His screen did light up, displaying a slew of frantic texts from Topper and Kelce. He winced, wishing he hadn’t looked. He didn’t read the texts, not wanting whatever nonsense they were bothering him with to pop the blissful bubble wrapped around the two of you. He knew he shouldn’t start off your new…whatever this was…by lying to you, but he needed to stay in this happy place just a little longer.
“Mine’s dead too,” he lied, flipping the phone over in the cup holder to hide the screen.
“Of course Carter doesn’t have a charger,” you sighed, “she has like twenty hair ties and lipglosses, but no charger. Classic.”
“I know my way back,” he shrugged, “we’ll be good.”
Rafe put the car in reverse, backing out of the little side road with his arm on the seat next to your head. You watched the way he turned in his seat to look out the back window, neck muscles flexing with the stretch and his big hand manipulating the steering wheel with ease.
For the first time in the sixteen years you’d known him, you didn’t try to hide your gaze as you took him in. The same attraction that used to make you feel skittish and ashamed now settled over you peacefully, like an icy winter finally melting into a warm, bright spring. You looked at him all you wanted, noting every detail, taking mental photographs of every inch of his skin.
You’d always thought he was cute - actually, no, you always thought he was hot as fuck - but now for the first time, you allowed yourself to look long enough to notice how beautiful he was. Pins and needles burst out all over your body as you realized how badly you needed to kiss him again.
Rafe could feel your eyes on him as he drove, choosing not to say anything and risk you looking away. He felt at home in your gaze, happier than he could ever remember being.
Inhibitions left back on the beach, you fearlessly reached out toward him, hand grazing gently over his jaw. You loved the ticklish little stubble that had grown there in just a few days without shaving. You smiled as you thought about the boy who could barely grow peach fuzz, now a man, strong and solid under your fingertips. Something warm and electric buzzed in your stomach, and you knew Rafe could feel it too, his skin heating under your tender touch.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked, keeping his eyes on the road but leaning slightly into your hand to encourage you to keep touching him.
“Nothing,” you smiled, “I’ve just never gotten to look at you this long.”
“Is it making you change your mind?” He smirked, clearly not worried about the answer, his confidence making him impossibly sexier.
“Just the opposite,” you confirmed, “I think you’re always gonna have to drive from now on.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well now that I’ve gotten a good look I don’t think I could keep my eyes on the road. I always had the hardest time not looking over at you.”
Rafe grinned wide as your hand slipped from his jaw to the back of his head, fingers lacing in his soft hair, scratching his scalp lovingly. There was no rhyme or reason to your movements, but you didn’t care, you just needed your hands on him. He didn’t seem to mind, head leaning back into your palm to let you know he needed you as much as you needed him.
“I know you did,” he said.
“How?” You asked.
“Because I could never keep myself from looking over at you,” he confessed.
A kaleidoscope of butterflies fluttered their way through your chest. Now you were certain- you’d never been more attracted to anyone as you were to him in this moment.
Rafe took your silent smile as a good sign, “did I get another A with that line?”
Your hand slid slowly down to his shoulder, over the ridges and ripples of his arms, flexing under your soft touch, until you found his hand, pulling it into your own.
“Gold stars, baby,” you smiled.
Rafe’s grip tightened on the steering wheel, the air in the car becoming thicker by the second as he shifted in his seat. You beamed at him, realizing with a flurry of excitement - you had Rafe Cameron flustered.
“You like when I call you baby?” You purred, eager to see how far you could push it.
His grip tightened around your hand, “you can’t say shit like that to me when I’m driving.”
You could feel the dam breaking. You needed him. Now.
“Then pull over.”
He finally took his eyes off the road for a second at that, looking over at you for confirmation; are you serious? You gave him a steely, lustful look in return; as a heart attack.
Rafe practically popped a tire turning the wheel hard and pulling the car down a side street, driving until he found a little secluded enclave by the beach, a perfectly private spot. He threw the car in park, making you laugh at the jolt it gave with his urgency. He didn’t waste a second, reaching both hands over to grab your face and pull your lips to his.
You sighed into his mouth, no hesitancy holding you back from slipping your tongue between his lips. He pulled away just long enough to grit out a raspy, “come here,” before throwing his seatbelt off.
You unbuckled your own, holding tight to his shoulders as you swung your leg over the console and climbed, somewhat awkwardly, into his lap. Your head fell back in laughter as your butt accidentally pressed the horn, the sound blasting through the quiet morning air. Rafe laughed too, easing your slight embarrassment as he reached down to slide the seat back.
Once you had more room, you pulled back to get a better look at him. He looked up at you with wide blue eyes, so gentle and kind in the way they took you in. Rafe reached up and brushed your hair over your shoulder, taking a deep breath as his hands grazed your shoulder.
“Hey,” he whispered to fill the silence.
You cracked the slightest smile, unable to repress your amusement.
“What?” He puzzled.
“I just didn’t imagine you to be so…sweet like this,” you explained, though you hated how the words sounded coming out of your mouth, afraid it would sound like a criticism and cause him to withdraw.
“Only for you,” he said.
“Uh oh,” you teased, hands laying flat over his chest as you leaned forward, relieved you hadn’t ruined the moment after all, “is big bad Rafe Cameron going weak for me?”
“He always has been,” he nodded, his dimples creasing his cheeks with his sheepish smile.
You slid your hands up to either side of his face, thumbs dipping into his dimples. You’d always wanted to do that. You couldn’t believe that after all that waiting and longing, you really could just lean forward and kiss him if you wanted to.
So you did, like you were trying to prove to yourself that this was actually real. The second your lips met his, you could tell he was thinking the same exact thing.
Rafe’s hands gripped your hips as he sat up off the seat just slightly to meet your mouth fervently. You bent over him, your hair falling in a curtain around his face. His hands felt so good, so right, warm and strong against you. You smiled into the kiss as you could feel them sliding so slowly, reverently, over your curves, until they found a home on your lower back, bringing you forward to rest fully against him. It was the same gentle control he had taken on the jetski, and it was addictive.
He was hard, you could feel him firm beneath you, and your head flooded with lustful thoughts. You rolled your body just slightly against him, but he felt every second of it, his hands sliding lower until he was kneading the flesh of your ass. Breathless, you paused, forehead against, another roll of your body as you pressed into him.
“Do you want me to stop?” He breathed, chest rising and falling with heavy pants.
“No, don’t, I’ve wanted this for so long,” it came out more desperate than you planned, but you didn’t care, you needed him to know.
“Me too, kid, you have no idea,” he smiled.
Your nose scrunched, pulling back to look at him with narrow eyes, “kid? Really?”
“Well you don’t like when I call you baby, so…”
“That is not what I said,” you laughed, “I said don’t say things you don’t mean. You can call me whatever you want, as long as you mean it”
“In that case…” he leaned in again, hands on either side of your face as his lips met yours before pulling away to meet your eyes as he said, “hey baby.”
You melted into him, his hands cradling your head the only thing keeping you grounded to the planet. He littered your face and jaw with slow, deliberate kisses, working his way toward your neck as he whispered more sweet pet names into your skin.
“Beautiful,” with a kiss to your jaw, “angel,” with a kiss to your neck, just below your ear, “my girl,” with a kiss to your collarbone, lingering to suck on the skin right at the base of your neck, marking you lightly.
Your whole body pulled him in tighter, dizzy with the ecstasy of having him like this. Your fingers threaded through his hair, tugging just hard enough to tell him how good he was making you feel. You couldn’t resist but push down into his hardness, muscles tense as his lips tickled the sensitive skin around the collar of your shirt.
“Rafe…” you sighed out as he continued to suck lip shaped marks into you, his hands kneading your ass, arms strong around you like he alone was the one keeping you tethered to the earth.
He pulled away from you just far enough to look you in the eyes, his pupils blown out. There was a kind of darkness in his eyes, sending excitement, and maybe even a touch of fear, shooting through your body. You wondered what would happen if he dropped the gentleness and really seized control, longing to be the one to send him to that place.
“Are you?” He whispered. Hunger, lust, and some more vulnerable third thing laced the deep tenor of his voice as his eyes searched yours, “are you my girl?”
His brows were furrowed so tight with intensity, you worried he was gonna give himself a headache.
You ran your thumb over the scrunched skin on his forehead, smoothing it out, gentle but firm. You continued to run your fingers over his face, both to put him at ease and to buy yourself time, the answer to his question stuck somewhere in your chest, unwilling or unable to make its way to your tongue.
“I…” you started, the worry growing back on his face at the sound of your hesitation.
Before you could finish the thought, a loud DING! rang out through the quiet car, making you both jump.
“I thought you said your phone was dead?” You questioned, more edge to your tone than you’d meant, frustration over the interruption seeping into your words.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, “I just wanted more time with you.”
“It’s okay,” you said, a bit non-committal in your forgiveness. “Who is it?”
Rafe sighed as he retrieved his phone from the cupholder, reading the most recent message.
“It’s Top,” he answered, “he’s saying we should get back to the house but won’t say why. So dramatic.”
You chuckled softly, relief washing through Rafe at the return of your smile.
“We should probably go then,” you said, “if for no other reason than I’m nosy and want to know what’s going on.”
He nodded slowly, hands reluctantly letting you go “we’ll come back to this, though, right?”
You knew he meant more than just the kiss and your intimate position in Carter’s front seat. He meant this; the big ‘What Are We?’
Never in a million years would you have guessed that he’d be the one posing the question, or that you’d have this hard of a time coming up with the answer.
(to be continued)
a/n: entering my 'posting what's ready when it's ready and not caring about word count' era, welcome!!
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#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron fic#obx fic#drew starkey#rafe obx#rafe fanfic#rafe fic#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron imagine#obx#outer banks#outer banks fic#topper thornton#x reader#rafe x reader#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron fluff#don't call me kid#topper obx
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