#should I go to therapy?

[taradactylus]

Fuck it yall.... I've read way too much stuff about why Eclipse became evil (he wasn't show love in his developing state, that's the short tea)... and with all the interdimensional stuff in this world, I will say that it is possible, there is a dimension out there, where Eclipse didn't die.

Imagine... he didn't die when Sun and Moon killed him. Someone saved his memories and scrapped code with magic. Not even he knows who did it. He had a weird fever dream like vision, with KC, Bloodmoon, The Creator and even a Sun in it, the person talking to Eclipse always glitching into another person. Until Eclipse wakes up on a dumpster, in a random, unknown, unmoving and scrapped animatronic body (which is not Fazzbear animatronic stuff).

And he can only watch and listen what's going on around him for MONTHS, not even able to speak. He just rots there as guilt and regret eats him up, wishing either death or being saved by someone kind.

And what karma could bring... Sun is the one finding him. And after Sun discovers this unknown Saturn themed animatronic (aka, Eclipse, who meanwhile in his headspace had 3 panick attacks at least), Sun simply scooped him up to get him to safety. And since he is a quiet uncommon model from Europe, they need to wait at least 2 months for all of his parts to arrive (and we are also in time literally after defeating Ruin in this dimension). So technically for two months it's just Sun talking and talking and talking to Eclipse, who only has like one hand (which was fixed after the daycare was done), so Sun cleaned him, tried fixing him, and just... show all the love and affection to Eclipse who never experienced this beforehand... even Moon was kind. LUNAR WAS KIND TOO.

And after a night when Eclipse almost ripped his faceplate off to shoot all the ptsd he got from nearly being killed, Sun even slept next to him.

So...in all together... once Eclipse gets a new body, new voice, PLUS Moon ran a diagnostics on him (his files were unknown to figure out by name) and fixed up his missing coding... he was scared to reveal himself, and played along as an animatronic named Saturn who definetly and most likely is not traumatized by and didn't traumatize beforehand the animatronics of this pizzaplex.

Chlishé? Yes. Yes it is.

Will I literally write a whole fanfiction about this? Most likely.

It's not like I have an entire lore in my head already...

[starinthebasement]

Won't lie, had a crush on Viki from Fairly Odd Parents.

[glitch07deity]

I am cringe but I am free

[sleep-x-deprived]

i am not mentally ready to go back to school tomorrow 🫠 saying this and i did nothing all break. i have friends but i dont rlly interact with them outside of school

anyways some songs i rlly like rn :) my current comfort songs lol

[artaintfart]

miau miau posting continues in Ashfur face age timeline thing

[elnotwoods]

so the queen gets to step back because of her mental breakdown thus putting more pressure on Wille when Wille wasn’t even allowed to properly mourn the loss of his brother and adjust to his new royal title… sounds about right

[krazycat666]

Part probably 100 of I should get therapy, but here i am, a toad in a boiling pot of water

this could be a case of correlation is not causation but like for anyone who had parents that made you finish your food because 'theres some starving kid out there who would eat it' do you guys ever like struggle to justify your feelings and pain because somewhere someone hurts more or is in a worse situation and your stuck in a slippery slope of self deprecating optimism because yeah your hurt and you feel sad but it could be worse.

Also this could me a me thing but like specifically about fanfiction do you ever read the fluffy fics that start of sad like 'characters and orphan and gets adopted' kinda thing that you kinda wish you could relate to but you can't because your not an orphan and you have parents who love you, so you can't relate to that scenario but your heart still wishes for love of being chosen and not the love of being kept.

Anyone else or is this just me 😅😅

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

[cappyjara]

[utilitycaster]

this was a good panel and I'm glad I watched it specifically because Taliesin deservedly has a reputation for coming up with fairly philosophical concepts behind his D&D characters, but also on another level he is just like "what if there were just wretched guy with so many things wrong with them. fucked up, right?" and it nearly always slaps

[babycharmander]

Weird folks: Vent art of any form is good and all but it should ONLY be between you and your therapist. Don’t share that stuff online or publish it!!!

Me, an artist/writer: *goes to therapy, talks about my trauma and mental health and how sometimes it’s hard to talk about it with others*

Therapist: Have you thought about using your art and writing to help you work through these things and share them with others?

[astrologysaysno]

You can find my first post about trainee Shang Qinghua here

Expanding on the lore of trainee Shang Qinghua, I believe that as an author, he would definitely put random songs he likes as part of PIDW lore.

Head Disciple Shang Qinghua is spectating Qing Jing Peak with his master for a performance. News has spread of the Peak Lord unearthing some old prehistoric songs that have never been played before, and that Qing Jing has been able to successfully decipher some of the old text symbols to be played.

Shang Qinghua hears it for the first time and is at first a little off put by the fact that he recognizes it somewhat but then he remembers and begins to die inside, cause how do you explain the fact that he knows this mysterious, centuries old song, and that this actually a k-pop b-side track from about two millenias into the future.

This becomes an unfortunate dilemma where, due to the song's catchy nature, when he thought no one was looking, Shang Qinghua began singing the song.

The big problem here is that what the Qing Jing Peak has deciphered was simply a musical score sheet, and that the version Shang Qinghua is singing isn't just vocalisations, there's actual words.

Being heard by the An Ding Peak Lord, he gets the bright idea of contacting the Qing Jing Peak Lord and begins to force Qinghua and Shen Jiu to collaborate to complete the song and perform it.

No one is happy in this scenario.

Shang Qinghua now has to figure out how to work with the scum-villain-to-be Shen Jiu without giving away his nature as a transmigrator, his connection to Mobei-jun, and messing up the plot and everything going wrong

Shen Jiu now has to collab with his greatest (one-sided) nemesis into creating a show-worthy performance, all the while trying to investigate Shang Qinghua and his shady secrets.

Mobei-Jun now believes he has a rival fighting for Qinghua's affections and that he's clearly losing cause. Have you seen these lyrics? Obviously, my rival is getting the upper hand, and I won't stand for that.

[starry-bi-sky]

new Danyal al Ghul au just dropped! --or at least some art of it did. I call it the "Stillborn? No, no, still born" au (or stillborn just for short)

it's based off a batfam comment I saw that mentioned in the early comics Bruce knew about Talia's pregnancy and was ecstatic to be a father. So much so that Talia feared he'd give up being Batman for it, so when she gave birth she put the baby (Damian) on a doorstep and (seemingly) told Bruce that the baby was stillborn.

I saw it, thought "mm, tasty!" and thought what if that baby was Danny instead of Damian? By default I was thinking of making him a few years older, however, it works just as well with demon twins. I need to think it over. Meet Daniel Brown! 14 year old foster kid whose been with the Fentons for the last two years! He has SO many issues haha. hah. lmfao even.

Danny's theme song is literally just "Good Kid" from the Percy Jackson musical, to sum him up.

[mueritos]

a little strange to get dms from other trans people saying they agree with biden's dumb statemet that he doesnt want minors getting gender-affirming care. if you really think its such an epidemic that 13 year olds are getting their knockers blown off by surgeons every other day, then please point me in the direction of said 13 year olds that are somehow accessing gender-affirming care that literal trans adults can't even access.

like please be fr. we literally have privatized healthcare and insurance where not even people who go through the appropriate avenues can get approved for care they need to stay alive. what makes you think a trans minor is getting phallo or vaginalplasty. feel whatever you want about 13 year olds who want gender-affirming care, but dont parrot transphobic rhetoric that is based on no facts and a moral panic. they second they legitimize barriers to care for trans minors is the second they start finding ways to do the same for trans adults. dont be a buffoon.

[snakeyp00]

Master Millerrrrrr I love youuuuuuu

(Metal Gear 2 remake with extra ops mission Date with Master Miller, but it's just him finally taking out David (and Catherine) for that cheese fondue)

[n1ghtwr1ter]

At the end of my latest TLT reread and it’s been physically painful attempting to read the last 40+ pages of Nona. Like, the short shrift that Gideon/Kiriona gets given by the people in the story…the theoretical good guys who honestly only see her as a thing, as a means to an end with an inconvenient dead soul attached to it… It makes me want to rip my own heart out of my chest.

Nobody has cared about Gideon her whole life. Most people, in fact, if they remembered about her at all, went out of their way to tell her how much they wished she didn’t exist. In the final chapters of Gideon, she finally gets the thing she’s been desperate for her whole life: somebody telling her that they need her, they care that she exists, and they badly want her to go on doing it. This allows her to make peace with the prospect that at the ripe old age of 18, she needs to die so that that person can go on living and living and living, using the castrated remnants of her soul as fuel to do so. Not a great way to go, but at least Gideon would get to be useful to somebody, would get to be remembered for something.

And then she wakes up in the wrong body, and finds out that her sacrifice - her attempt to be useful in the most selfless way possible, in that her self will no longer exist - has been rejected. And not only that, but the person she tried to give herself to - the one who was supposed to care about her - went to extreme lengths to make completely sure that she no longer remembered about Gideon.

She literally cut Gideon out of her brain.

And now, drifting along in the worst sort of half life where she’s inhabiting her body but it’s no longer really hers, in very obvious fashion - there’s holes in it, her heart is missing, and it’s got her shitty father’s handprints all over it (not even touching how much of a violation that is), indelibly - she finally meets back up with the small group of people who could theoretically be relied upon to be glad to see her again.

But then the one who was supposed to care about her most tries to kiss her (massively OOC for Harrow), and turns out to not even be there - it’s some weird baby inhabiting her body, and doing a really shit job of it too. The rest of them won’t stop talking about how they need her to break into the Tomb - as if she was just another key, same as the ones they worked together to acquire in Canaan House, just bigger and more inconvenient - and/or how they both fucked and killed her mom, who also (surprise, surprise) wished that Gideon had never existed, but saw her as a thing that needed to be done for the good of the mission.

Ultimately, they all make it abundantly clear - Palamedes, Camilla, Pyrrha, and especially Nona, all these people who are supposed to be kind and good and right - that they would prefer she wasn’t there. That it just be her body, with no Gideon attached - at least not Gideon the way she is now, broken and rejected and miserable. They would all far have preferred that she not have her own inconvenient thoughts and feelings and desires and impulses - that she just be inanimate and let the important people, the grown ups, get things done.

They wish she didn’t exist. Same as everybody else in her life, save one, and now she’s left wondering whether Harrow really meant it at all. Because if she did, she wouldn’t have left Gideon to Kiriona’s fate.

And honestly? Really, truly? I know everybody in the fandom loves Pal and Cam and Nona and Pyrrha, but in the end I couldn’t give less of a shit about them. They are fucking side characters, and as intriguing as Nona has been from a worldbuilding standpoint, I ultimately resent having been forced to read 400+ pages of filler bullshit about fucking side characters. I am a butch, and I’m here for my sarcastic, loving, angry, vulnerable, forgiving, and yes, inconvenient sword butch. I’m here for Gideon. But Gideon has been fridged for the last two books of the series in which she is supposed to be a, if not the, main character.

And it feels like almost nobody else in the fandom feels the same way, which, fine. I’m used to that. I’m also used to being told I’m projecting; and I’m used to being told that I’m inconvenient too, in my thoughts and my opinions and the mere fact of my existence. I spent the first eighteen years of my life being told I was inconvenient. Yet another point of overidentification with Gideon.

But in case anybody still thinks that Nona proves that Gideon was an asshole all along, think about all of the above. Think about how it would make you feel to come back from not just death but from the erasure of your existence, something you chose in order to save the life of someone you loved, and be told that you’re inconvenient. Think about how you’d feel if you’d been told all your life that it would be better for everyone if you didn’t exist. And then tell me that Kiriona isn’t in the right and that I should give a rat’s ass what happens to literally anybody else.

It’s Kiriona Hours up in this House, butches. We’ve spent long enough caring about people who would prefer we weren’t around. For once in our entire lives we were told we were important; we were told we mattered; we were told we were the main character. We were going to, if not get the girl and save the world, at least get to do something real, something important, something like being the hero.

But that’s over now; we’re back to being wrong and bad and inconvenient thanks to the simple fact of our existence. So it’s time to embrace it. Let’s be a little shit. Let’s be kind of a dick. Let’s have our own agenda, let’s play our cards close to our heartless chest, let’s allow our circle of empathy to contract to ourselves and maybe one more person. That’s where I’m at right now. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon.