#should I go to the hospital yes or no
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i think thetd something wrong w me
#it’s 2am#I just threw up violently#on the floor because i was too weak to make it to the bathroom#and my head is pounding#and I’m dizzy and weak#and i have a fever#and I can’t stop shaking even though it’s hot out#and I’m feeling confused and disoriented#and I feel like I can’t move#and I have a bad fever#I hope I’m just sick with a regular cold#but a little birdie in my brain is telling me this is an infection#probably from my wisdom teeth#I’ve been feeling shitty for 2 weeks and it just keeps getting worse#should I go to the hospital yes or no#and should I wait until morning or should I wake my mom up now#tw emetophobia
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IM LITERALLY SCARED
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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teen wolf meme: [3/5] motifs -> resurrection
It's different now. I think dying did something to him. It did something to me, too. But none of it was good.
#teen wolf#lydia martin#kate argent#tracy stewart#scott mccall#peter hale#jackson whittemore#derek hale#hayden romero#twedit#twgifs#mine#my gifs#twmeme#yes i'm aware that it can definitely be argued whether resurrection is a motif in teen wolf or just a recurring plot device#and while it's certainly not a symbolic motif like fire and water was previously#the way it's utilized within the show does make me read it moreso as a motif than just plot#like water it's used to communicate an internal change but the ways it differs from water is that it usually occurs at the end of a#narrative arc whereas water typically appears at the beginnings#water is used to signify a character's beginning descent into something new and the resurrection is once that change is completed#jackson's arc in season two is started with his submersion in water and it's ended with his resurrection#and lydia's arc in eichen house in 5b is much the same with her in the river in her mind at the beginning and then her dying and coming bac#at the animal clinic#even lydia's arc in season two can be read within these parameters#it begins with her in the hospital shower as she digs hair out of the water and ends when she resurrects peter#so while yes there is a reversal there and lydia isn't the subject of the resurrection she is the agent of it#which honestly the same can be said for theo in 5a#basically what i'm getting at here is that my reading of the resurrections in teen wolf as a motif is very valid and you should all agree#also i completely forgot about jackson's resurrection until i was literally writing these tags so i had to go back and make a gif for that
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Fluent Freshman - Part 31
PREVIOUS
Eventually, his grandma convinced him that he did not have to send a horse head to Ichirou Moriyama with his regrets. “He said if you’re ever looking for work my little Rotisserie, it’s going to be okay.” She had promised.
FF chooses to believe his grandma.
He’s found a lot of his mental stability is built up on just believing what his grandma has told him to soothe him, it helps that she’s usually right.
He takes some deep breathes, shoves down his embarrassment that he was seconds away from crying in front of Andrew, Captain Neil, and Nicky if Nicky hadn��t dragged the other two out. He really needed to thank Nicky.
“I can finish eating the soup Grandma, it’s really good. What was Kevin trying to do to it?” He asks taking the container his grandma brought the soup in and remembering what Nicky had said as he had gotten Captain Neil and Andrew out of the room.
“That boy is very handsome, very smart, and somehow does not have a bit of common sense.” His Grandma says with a fond laugh, “He wanted to put protein powder into your soup to help you heal faster.” She says.
FF had seen Kevin put protein powder in weirder things. What would be so bad about that?
“It was Vanilla flavored Protein powder my little Chicken.” She says reading the question off of his face and in his silence.
“Chicken and waffles exists as a flavor combination” he says not seeing what would have been so bad about it.
“Sweetie, you can’t have anything other than clear liquids right now. The doctor said so.” She says with a sigh.
He nods, that makes sense.
His grandma sighs and looks upwards.
“We need to talk to the Doctors about when you can get out of here. I think being back in a hospital is too hard on you.” She reaches up and brushes back his hair thumb starting at his eyebrow and tracing back to his ear. FF knows it’s not very noticeable otherwise his step brothers would have used the scar to torment him like how they brought up his slightly chipped ear. Still, he keeps his bangs long just so he never has to see the scar in the mirror, knowing his eyes will always search it out.
“It’s hard to sleep when it’s quiet.” He admits.
“I know.” She says. “Are you okay for people to come back in? I’ll take Nicky to act as my translator to go speak with the hospital or I can go with that nice coach of yours since he already knows I speak English.” She offers.
“Can…can you take Coach Wymack?” He asks because he really feels like he needs Nicky if his Gran is going off.
“Of course my little Chicken.” She rises up, takes the empty soup container from his hands, and kisses his forehead before she smoothes his bangs back down. “If you want I can just have Nicky come in and the rest can stay out.” She offers.
“No, just…maybe ask Nicky to come in first?” FF asks, he doesn’t want to be rude. They’re here to see him, it was just a lot and he wants to thank Nicky for giving him the time he needed to calm back down.
“Of course, such a sweet young man. His fiancé is lucky!” She says with a smile.
“Erik is a very lucky guy.” FF agrees managing to return the smile his grandma offered him.
“Ok, I’ll send Nicky in and take your Coach to go see about getting you discharged.” She says leaving out the door.
“Thank you.” He says into the now empty room before leaning against the pillows of his bed and looking around his room again.
His eyes narrow on the flowers Nicky had brought.
Pink Tulips, Yellow Sunflowers all in a Blue vase.
One does not become maintain a close friendship with Nicky Hemmick without hearing extensively about how he feels about newly adopted Pride Flags.
“Why did Nicky get me Pan Pride colors?” He asks if only to fill the silence.
***
Nicky couldn’t help but pace a bit. Somehow waiting for FF to calm down enough that he could take visitors again was a lot worse than waiting for him to wake up from being stabbed. He shouldn’t have let Andrew or Neil start in on his friend, he knows the two of them are scared but Nicky is the only one who can actually understand how scared FF would be.
His sweet little Rotisserie Chicken (He’s claiming it as his own, he’s in love, Aras is a laugh riot) would absolutely be spiraling in anxiety. The others are talking amongst themselves but Nicky isn’t feeling particularly chatty at the moment.
There’s a sound and Nicky’s head snaps up to see Aras coming out of FF’s hospital room. Her face giving away some of her exhaustion but she brightens the moment she sees him. It’s a nice thing, having someone her age being so happy to see him. “He wants to see you. I want to speak with Coach Wymack so he can help me work on getting our Chicken discharged, can you translate for me?” She asks in Polish slowly for his benefit.
Nicky stops.
“He wants to see me?” He asks, “Just me?” He adds wanting to make sure he was understanding her.
She nods, “He will let the others in after, but right now? You’re the only friendly face he wants to see.” She says, “Who could blame him when it’s such a handsome one!” She reaches up and pats his cheek affectionately.
Nicky can’t help the smile that fills his face.
He almost wants to turn around and be smug about it with everyone. The last two additions to their family were far closer with Andrew and Aaron, but FF was his.
A friend that would pick Nicky over his cousins.
“Of course, I’ll help you talk to Wymack.” He says and offers his elbow to Aras who laughs and calls him a gentleman as the two of them walk over to where the rest of the Monsters and Wymack were waiting.
“Is Smiths ready for company again?” Aaron asks rising to his feet.
“He only wants to see me right now.” Okay yes, Nicky is going to gloat a little. He feels pretty good when both Neil and Andrew’s faces tighten just a smidge. “Coach, Aras wants you to come with her to see about getting Smithy discharged?” He says before a thought occurs to him, “Wait, won’t I need to be there to explain it to Aras?” He asks with a frown.
Wymack coughs.
“We’ll be fine. I’ll get the information and you or Smith can explain it to Aras afterwards if need be.” Wymack waves away Nicky’s concern. “Go sit with the kid.” Wymack says.
Nicky looks at Aras, “Will you be okay without me to translate?” He says not wanting to make the decision without her.
“We’ll make do.” She promises with a smile, “Look after our little Rotisserie Chicken, will you?” She asks.
Nicky nods before looking to Wymack, “At least offer the lady your elbow Wymack! You’re escorting a LADY!” He exclaims and Wymack rolls his eyes but tellingly does offer his elbow for Aras to take.
“A gentleman coach!” Aras laughs.
“I’ll go with them, I want to hear what might need to be done for Smiths.” Kevin says rising up from the plastic chair he’d been sat in. “Aaron do you want to come too?” He asks.
“I think I’ve suffered enough today.” Aaron says and Nicky wonders what the car ride over was like for his cousin to sound that tired.
Kevin tilts his head obviously not understanding what Aaron was talking about but before Aaron could open his mouth and turn it into an argument Nicky intervened, “Kevin, be a gentleman and offer Aras your elbow.” Nicky insists.
Kevin spluttered his cheeks going a little red.
“Coach already is escorting her!” He squawks.
“Do you think one man is enough for a woman of Aras��� caliber?” He asks seriously.
Kevin looks embarrassed but, sure enough, offers his elbow to Aras as well.
She takes it, “Two handsome gentlemen. What a treat. Now this one just needs to keep his mouth closed and he’d be perfect.” She looks up at Kevin with a smile.
Kevin, as he has since Aras arrived, just smiles back at Aras’ warm tone looking very much like a pleased golden retriever.
Nicky turns to head towards the door, “He doesn’t want to see us?” Neil asks and Nicky stops.
Neil looks uncomfortable and Andrew has the line on his forehead that he’s experiencing an emotion he isn’t comfortable with.
Nicky is a man with grace.
“I think he might just want to make sure this isn’t going to be Interrogation 2: Electric Boogaloo. I’ll promise that NO ONE,” he points a finger at each of the younger men, “is going to do that. Right?” He asks.
Aaron nods, Andrew gives off an aura of agreeing, and Neil opens his mouth, “We won’t.” He promises.
Nicky nods, “I’ll come get you guys in just a bit.” He says and heads for FF’s room.
Nicky finds FF sat up in his bed with tear marks under his eyes and feels his heart twist at the sight.
FF looks at him with a baffled look on his face, “You think I’m Pan?” He asks.
Nicky can’t help his laugh.
“I gotta cover my bases!” He says and fully steps into the room.
“I don’t even know if I like anyone like that!” He squawks, a flush rising to his cheeks and this is why Nicky has to control his laughter whenever someone says that FF seems like a chill guy.
“That’s why I was covering ALL of them!” Nicky teases unable to stop the laughter that bubbles up from his voice as he takes a seat next to his friend, “You feeling better? That must have been scary with Ichirou.” He says gently.
FF looks at Nicky, “It was.” He says, “I just…I hope I didn’t upset him in any way and make things hard for Captain Neil.” He looks at Nicky who is already shaking his head.
“Don’t worry about that. He seemed,” Nicky thinks back to Ichirou’s expression as he called FF ‘bright’, “pleased. Did he say anything to you about like a deal with Neil?” He asks.
“Not really, I just…he offered a reward and I told him to give it to Captain Neil. I can’t imagine how he was handling those kind of men being after him. I thought he deserved it more than I do.” FF says expression worried, “You really think it’s okay not to worry?” He asks.
Nicky could just eat him up.
He knows FF’s family aside from his grandma is a complete write off, maybe Erik and him could discuss adoption.
FF’s his anyways.
“Yeah, you did great Smithy. Don’t you worry about a thing other than what Kevin might be trying to sneak into your food.” He pats FF’s cheek.
“Yeah, it’s too early for protein powder is what Gran said.” FF nods as if it being too early in his recovery for the vanilla protein powder in his chicken broth was the singular issue.
Nicky decides to not pursue that further, if for nothing other than his own sanity.
“The others won’t bother you about Ichirou anymore or if they do I’ll stop them. Can they come back in?” Nicky asks.
FF doesn’t hesitate before he nods, “Yeah, sorry I just…thank you for having them step out. It would have been embarrassing for them to see me cry like I did.” He says.
Nicky looks at the obvious signs that FF had cried but doesn’t offer to clean them off fully. He thinks that the sight of it will stop any further inclination to interrogate.
“Of course Smithy. If they start overwhelming you again I’ll kick them right back out.” He promises and he means it, Andrew could threaten and scowl all he wants.
FF is Nicky’s friend and Nicky is going to do right by him.
***
Nicky goes and gets Andrew, Aaron, and Captain Neil from where they were waiting.
“Where’s Kevin?” FF asks looking at the three shorter men.
“He went off with coach and your grandma. He wants to know about your recovery and probably irritate them into releasing you if only so they can get rid of him.” Aaron answers taking a seat next to Nicky. “How was the soup?” He asks.
“It was good, I was pretty hungry.” FF smiles at Aaron. They hadn’t had much conversation and in all honesty FF didn’t really know what their relationship was, if they were friends or just acquaintances but he wanted to believe it said something in favor of them being friends that Aaron was here at all visiting him.
“That’s good.” Aaron offers him a smile that looks weird on a face that is identical to Andrew’s in so many ways even if there are just tiny differences.
He chats with Nicky and Aaron about inane things. Aaron tells him about Kevin’s multiple clashes with the nutritionist, Nicky talks about how Aras baked the pie with the ingredients he’d gotten, and Captain Neil and Andrew remain silent in the chairs they had sat down in. Maybe they don’t want to talk to him other than getting information that Nicky has deemed ‘off the table’. Captain Neil keeps looking at his face, opening his mouth, and then shutting it.
Maybe they just don’t want to be friends anymore after he blew it with talking to Ichirou.
FF comforts himself that at least Nicky is his friend, Aaron seems to be friendly enough with him, Kevin cares enough about him as a player to want to find out about his recovery and that could be counted as a friend. He has a vague sense that he also made a friend along the way to the hospital but that might have just been the blood loss and shock.
Maybe the EMT was just being nice.
His Gran comes back with Coach Wymack and Kevin both of them bringing her in on their elbows for some reason. Kevin looks a little irritated but he smiles at Gran before she takes the seat left open for her at Nicky’s side. Coach Wymack lets him know that after a final check from the doctor he’ll be free to leave.
“Are…are you going back to Palmetto?” Captain Neil asks him as Coach Wymack and Kevin were taking their seats.
FF blinks.
“Yeah, why? Am I off the team?” He asks and is quite proud that his voice doesn’t shake when he asks. This will keep him from playing for the rest of the semester. It might be better for them to-
Captain Neil smiles and he sees Andrew’s shoulders loosen. “Of course you’re still on the team Smith. We’re keeping you.” He says reaching over and squeezing FF’s shoulder once before moving and sitting back and sharing a relieved look with Andrew who merely rolls his eyes.
“I told you he wasn’t going to go back home.” Andrew says in Russian.
“We made him cry.” Captain Neil says in the same language and it takes everything in FF to not go red in mortification. Oh god he thought he had escaped anyone realizing that he had sobbed like a baby to his Gran.
The mortification passes quickly when he realizes why Andrew and Captain Neil had been quiet. They had been worried he’d leave and maybe a part of that was that they’d be losing two players but…
He looks at Andrew’s relaxed body language now and knows that Andrew wouldn’t care about losing a member of the team the way Captain Neil might.
…but maybe it’s that they wanted him to stay.
The thought leaves him feeling the best he has in months.
***
Signing out of the hospital takes a lot of paperwork. There are plans being faxed over to Abby. There are follow-ups being scheduled at the hospital down in Palmetto. There are discussions about who will go get FF’s stuff from his dorm so that his stay at Abby’s can be more comfortable. There is also the fact that his Grandma has asked if she can take up the other guest room to help with his recovery.
It makes him happy and guilty all at the same time.
Eventually he’s in a wheelchair being pushed out by Nicky and loaded into the Maserati with Nicky, his Gran, Neil, and with Andrew at the wheel. He notices how Andrew’s hands are solidly on 10 and 2 and feels better even if he wishes he had asked for that medical coma.
It’s a quick trip to the cousin’s house to grab their stuff and load it into both Wymack and Andrew’s cars and then they’re on their way back to Palmetto.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lillyndra @themundanemudperson @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo @next-level-mess @youreonlylow @interstellarfig @notprocrastinatingatalltoday @percyjacksonfan3 @queenofcrazy27 @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares @spencellio @adinthedarkroom @harpymoth @sufferingjustalilbit @anxietymoss @oddgrayhound @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken @ken22789 @atiredvampire @isoldescorner @not--a--pipedream @azure-wing @bushbees @roonilwazlib-main @crumplelush @foldedaces-paperbirds @thesenseinnonsense @let-tyrants-fear @ketchupandfries @legowerewolf @deadlydodos @but-we-respect-his-craft @cariniqe @zanypersonapricotbiscuit @lesbian-blackbeard @lesbiansupernatural @silvermasquerade @thepeachfuzz @minniemariex @kazoo-the-demjin @gaypomegranate @ji-nk-ies @neilimfinejosten @omgrubelangel @itsyouitsmeorpheuseurydice @percabethotplove @cozyrosykay @foxyatlas @theoneandonlylostsock @cindersapsecrets @scornedethnographer @hugemotherfuckingnerd @givemethedamnflowers @our-king-bree @astrovoidy
SO I’M AT THE MENTION LIMIT.
Moving forward I’m going to put the people who want a ping in a separate post with a link to the new part. As always if your name is there, it’s spelled right, and you didn’t get a notification then it might be something in your settings.
#Fluent Freshman AU#Nicky is going to ride this wave to shore#He's feeling great#Oh were you the one that Smithy asked to see personally?#No#Okay then Andrew maybe you should let the PROFESSIONAL talk#Smith may not have been totally ready to leave the hospital#especially after his little walk#But the admin they spoke with is lunch buddies with the nutritionist#and that Nutritionist has given an exact description of the kid who keeps bothering him#'He looks like Kevin Day from that Exy sport but just SUPER irritating'#That gentleman who is escorting that sweet old lady sure does look like Kevin Day doesn't he#Ok lets sign this kid out#When the Admin asks if Kevin will leave if they sign Smith out Wymack says yes#'Ok let me expedite this. Where do I send the follow-up care instructions?'#Kevin is VERY offended but Aras pats his cheek and he's back in goo mode again#AFTG#AFTG AU#AFTG OC#Andreil#Nicky Hemmick#My Fics#FF - Pt. 31
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people will always say "you need to stop cutting yourself" like i don't already fucking know that
#bitch in the hospital wants to say 'do you do that to yourself? it's bad for you' yeah no fucking shit#who tf else is gonna do it to me#she also asked me if i was okay with needles and when i said yes she was like 'yeah i can tell' because of my scars#like lmfao go die you should not be nurse if ur gonna be a complete bitch to psych patients
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I AM DONE 😭😭 Exam week is behind me, I am literally sobbing, I am exhausted beyond repair, but it is done!! Five more days of work and then I (hopefully) shall have my life back-
#I wanna draw so bad - but I also want to sleep for 14 hours straight#also I should probably really not work next week I landed myself both once at the doctors office and once at the hospital last week#when I said 'I will finish this week even if it kills me' my body was like. 👀 I can do that#but honestly that was my own stupidity also#I could take this to the educational route but let me just say if you do have an infected wound anywhere go 👏 to 👏 your 👏 doctor#that being said I have at least one exam finished with 100% (which wasn't THAT hard) and I can talk about autoimmune responses and then-#I cough and I die#academia yes but absolutely no common sense#i'm still having a fever tho#I wanna sleep till next year
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was just mulling over some twst thoughts (overblot-related and such) noticing how most of the incidents so far end with the victim getting enough time to rest and get back to a fit condition to live their lives?- and then i suddenly remembered a canon fact that makes for suuuuch good recovery-whump happenings:
if blot accumulation in a magestone subsides when the caster's physical reserves are replenished (food, sleep, etc.), what about the post-overblot recovery?? after all the wreckage of an overblot is said and done, all the emotions have been had and harrowed- what about the physical rehabilitation process?
we see a few mentions of overblotters feeling sick right after the fact- or just generally being physically worse off after burning through a notable amount of magic- and it got me thinking; what about all those post-blot scenes we don't get to see? sure, they've got emotional (often literal also!) messes to fix ahead of them-- but what about that moment where everything just feels bad and gross and the failure of your best laid plans is just heaping onto how absolutely wrecked you are and everyone can see it?
(the thought of any of the prev ob!ers actually having to voice a physical need is just too good to resist imo- especially after the fact and having to see the ramifications!!! augugughghh and while i may have reasonings "blot bad, sleep and food good" does something to the brain i must admit))
just.. AUGH.. i need to see the emotional vulnerability and the walls betrayed by the all-powerful denial-shatterer: good old physical needs!
#tw.st#twisted wonderland#mousie rambles#just off the top of my head#youve already got riddle azul and vil#who all have notably bad enough relationships with food especially during their respective book#yes ive seen them break.. now show me the part where he has to eat good and substantial food and get proper sleep before classes resume#generally i just think that the recovery sickfic potential is amazing#someone should do something about this#i sure would#i might#nrc has an infirmary and yet there are so few sickfics...#the absolute coziness in like the thought of#ooooooh this gets me on an entirely separate train of thoughts#but like have you ever been in a boarding school where theres some kind of outbreak going around#and it confines like a whole cluster of students who just happen to be close with each other together for a little while regardless of#whatever the coincidence is#a fully-bedded hospital wing leaves you with bonds they used forge in the trenches. nrc would go *crazier* i simply have a need
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i drew the paper doll casual outfit because apparently only dumb things break my art block
hi, i'm alive, and i return with one of my favorite characters ever - prince tarvek sturmvoraus. everyone appreciate him, he deserves it.
(if you like steampunk, Mad Science, curvy women with death rays, Machiavellian princes, political intrigue and absolute silliness, please check out the webcomic Girl Genius)
#ari doodles#girl genius#tarvek sturmvoraus#YES i kept his scars and they should be accurate to the injuries received at the hospital. sorry svv but scars are fun#also peep the heterodyne ring#whipped this up while watching nileblue so there you go#i was gonna paint something beautiful and dramatic for him but ended up with this#that feels thematic somehow
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Me: *Trying to go about my day like a normal person *
My brain: “What if we made a TADC OC that’s basically a slime monster girl, but she’s based on the kind of toy slime that has a bunch of cutesy objects in it?? And when she was a human she was a highly skilled and respected Intensivist working at an ICU?? And as a doctor, she was known for being gentle and compassionate to all her patients, and she treasured the staff members working under he?? And she saw all her staff as members of her family, and was fiercely protective of them?? But also while she always appeared extremely confident and well put together, deep inside she struggled daily with a massive inferiority complex and imposter syndrome?? Because she never believed she deserved any of the praise she received despite her work, and constantly felt the need to prove herself by going above and beyond in her work?? And all the plays into why she’s a slime girl now, because even though she always appeared as strong and confident in the surface, inside she’s soft and anxious??
And while she doesn’t remember her life prior to entering the Digital World, during times of crisis or when someone’s injured or at high risk of abstracting, suddenly doctor mode activates?? She quite literally pulls herself together and becomes completely solid like plastic, and gives off a strong aura of confidence and authority?? Thoughts, terminology, and emotions that are foreign yet seem SO familiar surge through her, and without really thinking about it she talking and acting just like she did as an ICU doctor; leading her to quickly take control of the situation with firm confidence before gently tending to the injured/abstracting individual. She doesn’t understand how she knows any of what she’s saying as she gently tends to, and or talks the individual back down from the edge, but it feels so natural to her! It’s like she was MADE to do this, and had actually done it many times before despite having no recollection of doing anything like this previously?? And as she slowly helps the individual ground themselves in reality once more, she’s still maintaining a perfect composure during the whole ordeal, not once showing just how afraid she really was and instead just remaining laser focused on helping the “patient” in front of her??
And it’s only when her “patient” has finally stabilized somewhat that she finally notices everyone staring at her in awe, and then she starts barking orders to everyone to get the “patient” back to their room so they can be admitted into the hospital for surveillance, and that she wants a full blood panel and PHQ-9 assessment completed while she fills out an incident report for the hospital’s records. And everyone is so taken aback/still in shock that they just kinda go along with it because she sounds so sure of herself no one knows how to argue otherwise.
It’s only when someone breaks out of their stupor enough to ask her how she did all that/what the heck happened that she snaps out of it, and she softens into her goopy self again as she tries to clumsily explain she has no clue what happened but was just overwhelmed by these sudden thoughts and emotions, and despite not knowing where any of it was coming from it felt like she just instinctively knew what to do and how to do it.
Someone points out to her that she looked and sounded just like a doctor back there, and that maybe that’s who she was prior to entering the Digital Circus. She doesn’t believe it, insisting that there’s no way someone like her could be a doctor, but everyone insists that she absolutely could be and that what she did was incredible?? And now she’s kinda the unofficial doctor of the circus despite still not believing she was, or could ever be, a doctor??”
Me: *Sitting on the couch letting my brain hyperfixate* 👁️👄👁️
#this…this ended up being WAY longer than i intended#but my brain has literally been CONSUMED by this idea#that trope of ‘amnesiac somehow instinctively knows how to do the the thing because they did it previously’ is a fav of mine#she might not remember her old life but the caregiver instincts and knowledge is still very much ingrained into her#and it comes out full force when someone is in need of medical attention#she orders caine to go prepare a hospital bed and he’s like ‘yes ma’am!’ before taking off to do that#he makes it 2/3s down the hall before realizing what just happened and poofing back#in his defense she was so confident and authoritative his coding went ‘ah a doctor. you should always listen to medical professional.’#shitpost#tadc#long post#the amazing digital circus#tadc oc#haven’t quite figured out a name for her yet#but i’m tryna name her in a way that would allow the nickname ‘squish’ to be acceptable#because squish as a nickname for a slime lady makes me laugh
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Ok two things. One, I'm sure they meant best friend when they wrote 'bf' but I keep seeing it as boyfriend. Two, the profiles can only be seen by people who have the RFA Chat App. Which is a private app. That Seven made. The guy who wrote this status. Your bf isnt gonna see it he's not part of the RFA
#prince's gaming tag#i know its for the player to see it but it doesn't make sense in story#also yes im still playing this game im still rounding up the passive chats ive missed in the bad ends#currently forcing jaehee to overwork herself which is the worst ending to me#actually all her bad endings are pretty bad. i mean theyre bad endings so it makes sense#but like in one bad end you date zen and that's pretty fucked bc you're pursuing someone else why are you going after another person#if you wanted him so bad you should of showed interest in him during common route#and then the third bad end you forget everything she went through with her job to be like 'i can do better'#thus kissing up to jumin to have him hire you in her place#and canonically you DONT do a better job but he keeps you around bc his trust was broken and he's needs loyalty over competence atm#and like theyre bad but for the ending where she overworks herself she expresses how stress she is#and instead of encouraging her you keep telling her to push through and not to slack off#she doesnt have the one person she's come to love (or i guess trust bc this game said no gay romance) on her side#and its straw that breaks the camel's back#like you did that. your lack of support put her in the hospital. good job 'friend'
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idk it rlly gets to me sometimes to be told that I like don’t get it/don’t care about trans youth or whatever whenever I am vocally critical of democrat politicians cause. idk I AM trans youth, I struggle a lot and get treated like shit a lot for it, by politicians and people who should care about me and idk, have y’all ever been kicked out as a teenager and had to call the only adults who support you to come pick you up as a lonely suicidal trans kid? have you ever had to walk home from pride cause you can’t call your parents? ever been outed to your parents against your will and without your knowledge? cause I have and it rlly sucks. having my own experiences and rights used against me, as a token to silence me and others is rlly frustrating and upsetting. It was so lonely being a trans teenager and I spent a lot of time trying to connect with other lgbt+ people but especially younger trans people at my high school (lowerclassmen at the time) when I was a teenager cause I knew how lonely it was growing up with no one to see you for who you are.
People talk down on me for speaking out against politicians who have done nothing to secure my safety or rights, my right to exist because it is “too controversial,” ever since I was a child, and things are somehow even worse now… like I don’t live in the south, like I don’t see the obituaries of murdered trans people on my social media every day, like I don’t see tv ads from local politicians insulting eachother via support for people like me aka “letting men in girls bathrooms” and like I don’t have to see signs around local places bathrooms that say transphobic stuff. like I somehow don’t get it even though *I* don’t feel safe or comfortable no matter which bathroom I’m in, like I don’t have evangelical conservative “”redneck”” family members who would pop a blood vessel in their face if they saw what I look like now, like I don’t get called slurs by strangers or experience crazy micro aggressions in public & at work, like I didn’t have the experiences of being one of the literal handful of openly queer people in my southern public school.
Do you guys even know what it’s like for trans people in the south?? do you know how often trans kids get assaulted in bathrooms at school? it’s so fucking scary to hear from my friends from Florida, to hear them talk about how their friends got assaulted in their high school bathrooms, to hear about the crazy shit their teachers and classmates and politicians said….
idk. y’all don’t know me. You don’t know my story, you don’t know how hard I’ve fought just to be here. I don’t rlly have a point, I just wish people would stop saying stuff like that in my replies. I can take getting screamed at and flipped off irl but this type of stuff is worse and for some reason it rlly gets to me.
I know it’s the internet and ppl are going to be cruel but sometimes it makes me feel very isolated from my community and it drives me crazy because like, damn what about me? Am I not the trans youth too?? am I not included in that, are my opinions thoughts and experiences not important just cause I’m loud abt my opinions in a way u disagree with…??
#jeez you know#when I was in the mental hospital as a teen#most of the people in at the same time was lgbt+ in some way…#I was lucky that there was a butch lesbian nurse that was very kind and supportive#but I still got outed by the therapist to my mom even though I asked her not to tell her and said explicitly she would not support me 👍#so yea…ppl acting like I don’t get how much trans ppls lives suck it makes me depressed lol#literally go look at my bio go thru my post history I promise you my life also sucks ok.#my family is from the bible belt 😐#us politics#transphobia#maybe we should all be nicer (yes including me) and try to do more for our communities esp irl . I have a lot to work on but I just can’t b#silent… not after hearing the stories of Palestinian-Americans & Jewish ppl & trans ppl & houseless people and all the other folks around m#talk to Palestinians in your own communities more & maybe you will understand why I am so upset & vocal ab it all of the time#trans#.txt
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#here we are at another anniversary#I think my actual first hospitalization was at the end of January#But shit started a few weeks before#so.#happy nine years of being disabled.#over a third of my life#And like it fucking sucks#But I’m still here#I am disabled. And I finally feel comfortable saying that#because yes I’m disabled enough.#and anyone who wants to say otherwise can fucking bite me#should I have to deal with this? Fuck no.#but I am and I’m here and I’m alive.#to seventeen year old me: you’re gonna have a rollercoaster of a time#there’s gonna be major ups and downs#but we’re surviving and even thriving despite it all#nine years ago I didn’t know if I could go to college#I didn’t know if I could ever hold down a job#and guess fucking what? I did it#you did it.#I have a migraine right now#and the last two years have been terrifying and like being seventeen again#but I have hope#I shouldn’t have to deal with it#pushing through these is not a sign of bravery or competence or effort#it’s just a sign that the world’s on some shit#but nine years later and I’m still here and doing the things I love#And that matters a lot.
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I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#it’s more so selfishness lmao#idk I’m getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I would’ve responded later calm down gosh the messages aren’t going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad you’re the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought you’d side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when I’m struggling I#apparently have zero excuse ☠️ girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that it’s okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you don’t need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently that’s more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause it’s that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes it’s horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I don’t think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesn’t give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth I’ve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think I’m lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply don’t want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because they’ll think I’m a liar anyways 🤷♀#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little you’d understand that it’s so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls …#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
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Save what can be saved: Day 3/48
Hi.
It was a long day. I woke up very early to go to the post-internship department ( I am inventing names because I don't know what they actually do in that place) to have my papers back only to know that they aren't ready yet. I waited, in a room with more than 12 angry men and women, until midday just to give up on the cause and go back home with no extra papers in my full-of-papers pink document holder. Visiting the hospital always lifts my spirit, I have so many good memories there.
I studied what's left in nephrology then made me a quick pseudo-pizza. I needed some fuel before facing the wildest beast aka immunology.
I'm using "study with me" videos to keep me company while studying. I like it when they have no music in the background, only rain and cats. I actually got inspired from one of the videos to move my desk in front of the window. The room looks a little less aesthetic now but the desk position is top notch. I keep the window open to enjoy the breeze and hear the Adhan clearly ( hi @imspartawssem 💗). At night, a little green buddy came to visit ( honestly I'm glad it was just one, I don't want them to throw a party in my room ).
And that's it for today!
#should I go back again tomorrow?#maybe yes#studzblr#studyblr#algeria#medicine#algerie#productivity#study hard#notes#100 days of productivity#islam#12 angry men#student#studies#hospital#48 days of productivity#save what can be saved#residency#school#back to school#immunology#science#study space#study tips#study motivation#study session#desk#study blog#48 days to save what can be saved
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Seeing low IQ fucks blaming fiction for violence instead of acknowledging that there's twisted uncreative morons that were already fucking evil.
So they copied something fictional? Maybe ever thought the disgusting fucker was an uncreative piece of shit that just wanted to hurt another person?
Also don't blame demons for stupid shit repulsive humans be doing. Humanity is flawed af and we're imperfect. No demons or fiction makes a degenerate twisted human do shit. Full stop.
#personal#i will assume you're a fucking idiot when you bring up shit like this#if your bs is true then all humans would be dead cos we all play video games read novels and watch movies#morons#idgaf who i offend ill block your ass and im on queue 24/7 lol#fiction#oooh im a fan of hellraiser I'm officially morphing into a cenobite#i wish (their outfits are sexy)#oh i watched a cannibal movie and now im one oh noes#just admit there's some sick ass fuckos that already were going to hurt someone regardless lol#reality#fiction vs reality#no more excuses#people are whack#and unlike you inbred ignorant fucks i actually studied psychology and worked with criminals#those “inspired” by fiction were trying to get lower sentences or thought fiction was a getaway manual for killing someone they wanted dead#the only serious case i saw was of someone that shouldn't have been allowed in the streets cos he'd already killed people but liberal laws#freed him for his illness constantly#so he kept killing and blaming everything including birds chirping for his killing#he should have been permanently hospitalized and never allowed out#also left the field cos of his bullshit cos this stupid “justice” system is dumb as hell#yes im ranting about a youtube comment
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