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wickedworm · 3 months ago

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hey all! i know its been a minute but i was writing this little cringe ass blurb and havent finished it. i got some inspiration from the lovely @golden-gypsy after she sent me an ask nearly a year ago 😅 this has been living in my drafts for a while. im not sure if ill finish it unforunately. things have been weird and ive been going through my adhd cycle of interests where i dump the last one and move onto the next. anyway, enjoy whatever the hell this is.

December, 1994

Jerry

This is fucking pathetic. It's midnight, it's freezing, and I'm alone on the street, calling my wife on a payphone.

I stood out in the freezing Seattle cold, clutching a payphone as I called my wife. I wanted to laugh at myself for how pitiful it all seemed. I've barely talked to her - shit, I haven't even seen her since I went to Oklahoma. We talked on the phone but I never had much to say. And I didn't really know what to say. But I thought about her. I thought about her all the fucking time. And I would've actually talked to her, made that effort, had I felt worthy of it. I didn't deserve it. It wasn't fair to her. I needed to get my shit together.

When I came back to Washington, I tried to give Raven - and myself - plenty of time. I didn't want to go home right away, I wanted to try to get back into the swing of things. I set up some dates to write and rehearse with Sean and Mike. When that all fell through, I got pretty discouraged. I went from motel to motel, couch to couch, trying to write some of my own stuff. I was pretty much living in my car for that whole week. And I just wrote. A lot. I wrote about everything, but especially her. It felt like I would never stop.

And it hit me that I had freewill. I could just go to her. I could turn on the engine and drive home.

I was sitting in my car that night, trying to get at least a little sleep. But I couldn't stop thinking of Raven. I thought maybe I could get to sleep easier thinking of her. I imagined her next to me, leaning on my

shoulder and pointing at stars through the windshield. Tracing out constellations I've never heard of with her finger.

"Are you sure?" I asked, trying not to sound or feel like a begging dog.

"Just come home, Jer."

I'm not ready. I can't go back. I don't deserve her. I can't break her heart anymore.

Her voice, even over the crackling of the payphone, was soft and tired. But soothing. I could imagine her face, resembling her voice. There was moonlight shining through the window and over her face,

reflecting in her eyes. I pictured her holding the phone in one hand, and with her other hand she twirled and tangled the cord between her fingers.

"I just- I d-don't-" Fuck.

I leaned my head against the steering wheel, hoping the cold leather against my forehead would help me think straight.

I slammed the phone down. What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't even get a full sentence out and I'm completely sober. She wants me home. I don't know what to do. I went back to my car and threw

the door shut.

'Just come home, Jer.'

Her voice repeated in my head. Her soft, gentle voice. Just come home.

I sat back up. Ok, I'm going home.

Raven

I sat on the porch steps, waiting in the dark and cold for Jerry. I fidgeted with the frayed edge of the blanket I wrapped myself in, couldn't help but feel nervous. What would I see in front of me when he arrives? Would he look the same? Sound and feel the same? Or would he be completely different? It had only been a year since I'd seen him, but was that normal for a married couple? Maybe it was,

considering our circumstances. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend that year worried sick about him. And I'd definitely be lying if I said I didn't miss him. It tore me up to see him the way he was before

he left. And it tore me up to not see him at all.

Over the phone, he tried to make it sound like he didn't need help. If only he knew just how much I can see through his bullshit. I mean, he articulated his emotions very well, he wasn't afraid to show or

tell people how he felt. But in the past few years, there were times when he really shut down. Especially when Layne started to lose himself.

I blamed myself a lot for what happened. I thought if I kept myself calm and collected, Jerry maybe wouldn't have left the way he did. I remember I could physically feel my heart breaking when I watched

him storm out of the door. I know he wouldn't have done that had he not been under so much pressure. He couldn't take anymore of it.

I must have fallen asleep on the porch waiting for him. I jumped awake at the sound of him shutting his truck door. I immediately shivered, noticed it was snowing. Through the flakes, I looked up at Jerry. The fading porch light just barely made him visible.

I remember I called Sean a few hours after Jerry left the house and felt my stomach drop when he said he hadn't seen him. Then he called me the next morning saying he turned up at his apartment,

hungover and soaking wet from the rain. He put Jer on the phone, he told me he was sorry and he was going to leave for a while. Then he told me he loved me and hung up. He didn't let me get a word in.

I was relieved that he was ok. But I was scared, too. And even still, I wasn't sure what of.

"Have you been out here this whole time?" He took a few steps toward me.

His voice. It's him.

I jumped up to my feet and nearly tackled him to the ground. He lifted me up off the ground into his arms. I squeezed as hard as I could, needing to feel him to make sure he was real and that he was ok. I breathed in his scent, the usual old spice and tobacco.

"Come on." He held me close to him and carried me inside.

"I missed you," He whispered into my hair and hugged me tight. "I'm sorry for everything."

I don't know what came over me but I just couldn't let go. I felt a lump in my throat and I didn't bother holding it back, he couldn't see me cry anyway. Not with my face buried deep in his jacket. I could

barely breathe but I didn't care.

He set me down and I grabbed his face before I could even put my feet on the ground. I've been waiting for those words.

"What took you so long?" I could barely get it out, I choked through the words.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't want to go back to that.

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. He said it but why didn't it feel like enough? In the months before he left, I spent more nights alone in bed than I did with him next to me, where he was supposed to be. He

was somewhere else, doing God knows what at God knows where. There were days where I'd be worried sick about him, only for him to show up drunk later that night.

Jerry

"God, I missed you." She whispered, her voice just barely audible in the quiet of the house.

She didn't let go for a long time, and I just let her. She had to be freezing. I could feel the sting of her cold fingers against my neck as she held onto me. I shut the door behind us with my foot and felt the

warmth of the house envelop us. When I set her down, she pulled away and looked at me. I saw my wife for the first time in a year. And she looked the same. Did I think she'd be different?

"You ok?" Her voice was small, but I could sense her concern.

Her cheeks were red and cold. I didn't even realize I was touching her face until she leaned into my hand. Flecks of white snow dotted her dark curls and I wiped one away from her eyebrow. Even in the

cold winter, the freckles spread across her face were still prominent. Like a beam of sunlight always followed her. I just stared. I felt like a little kid, gawking at a beautiful girl.

I snapped out of whatever trance I was in, just enough to nod and reassure her.

"Ok." She mouthed.

Raven

I traced my fingers over his face, his stubble. I smiled to myself, realizing his goatee was gone. He knew I hated it.

"I like this." I told him while holding his jaw.

He chuckled. "Yeah. I know."

#back in my hole i go #alice in chains fanfic #jerry cantrell #jerry cantrell fanfiction #sry for weird formatting

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kickingitwithkirk · 1 year ago

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Greetings from Austin

Summary: Jensen and Jared are at odds over a monumental decision that changes their lives in a way they couldn’t have envisioned.

Pairing: Alpha!Jensen Ackles x Alpha!Jared Padalecki x Omega!OFC

Word Count: 2161

Warnings: a/b/o, J2 are married/mated, homophobia, bisexuality, biphobia, outdated beliefs, angst, cursing, jealousy, depression/anxiety, medical stuff, sexual dysfunction, infertility, IVF, surrogacy, subgender inequality

*additional warnings to be added in future parts.

Square filled: Non-traditional Alpha Traits @spnabobingo Maid Au @spnaubingo

A/N: Here we go again with one my weird as hell dreams, series Inspired by this art.

A/N II: There is no intentional hate or malevolence intended towards any of the Ackles or Padalecki families. This is a purely fictional piece containing real and created persons/names/events set in the fictional A/B/O verse. Some dates/events altered to fit story.

A/N III: thank you to everyone for hanging in there since it’s taken me ages to drop a new character, I’ve been doing rewrites/updating on all my series, more to come in future.

*no beta-all mistakes are mine

*divider by @writeyourmindaway

*images found online

Part IV

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

“DON'T YA’ BE YELLING AT ME, MR. MAN, EVEN IF THIS IS YOUR FUCKING HOUSE…”

“I gotta go,” tossing his phone on the bedside table, Jared, wearing his blessed socks, runs across the main room and slides on the hardwood floor into the kitchen and saw his husband standing three feet from Quinn as she’s vigorously gesturing with a paring knife while telling him off in her colorful language.

“Put the knife down!” The older Alpha’s voice resonates through the room, making Jared flinch, feeling the command’s power, watching Quinn set it on the counter and Jensen reach over, sliding it towards him.

She stood a bit longer before blinking in confusion, and then her demeanor shifted to madder than a wet hen, her natural lower voice dropped another octave, and the lilt became very pronounced. “Don’t ya’ ever use that fucking voice on me again!”

“You were threatening me with a knife!” Jensen picks up the item, making her laugh, “Holy fucking shit, are ya’ serious? Ya’ could barely use it for a toothpick, let alone...”

Jared stood there, mouth hanging open, have’n seen others take on his mate, wrongfully assuming he’d be the easier of the two to intimidate, but when let off its leash, Jensen's wolf made Dean Winchester look like a pussy cat.

“JARED!”

The younger Alpha's mouth snapped shut, “sorry, what?”

“I asked you what the surrogate is doing here?”

“The surrogate has a name.”

“What is Quinn doing here?”

“So..uh..okay,” Jared slowly starts around the island doing his sometimes awkward, hesitant thing. “A few days ago, I got a call from this number I didn’t recognize. It was about the ultrasound appointment scheduled while you were in LA.”

He paused to see if Jensen remembered, and yep, his mate was wearing his get to the fucking point expression.

“They informed me she’d canceled it because she was leaving town.”

Jensen's attention returned to the O, ”Don’t fucking start on me again, Ackles!”

“You know who I am?”

“Duh, Sherlock!”

Jensen would later try to justify it was jet lag and surprise finding their surrogate in their home, not her smart-ass mouth, for snarling at her.

“Och, save it for the cameras, drama queen. Ya’ put pants on just like the rest of us; the only difference is yours have designer labels.”

Jared interrupted the speeding downhill faster than an Olympic bobsledder situation, “I remembered her saying something about managing Mulroney’s Bookstore, so I called Clif to see if he’d get her to contact me and calls back saying some Alpha...”

“...who’s a flaming jackass!”

“Yeah, that’s what Clif called him. Anyways, he claimed to be the manager and had no idea where she was when another employee said they knew where she was living...”

“... that’s when ya’ boy shows up..”

“…I explained about the mixup...”

“…Padalecki followed me to my room to get the new date, then he caused a scene...”

“...I couldn’t help my wolf freaking out at where my..our pups were living...”

“…told ya’ it was there or the I-35 underpass!”

Jared bristled at the reminder, “The door had three locks, a barely functional heater, and a broken fridge. Cockroaches wouldn’t even live there!”

Quinn raises onto the balls of her feet and loudly reminds him about putting her in the shitter with the manager and getting fired when Jared shouts back in his booming voice, “there was a guy by the ice machine offering to sell me heroin!!”

“ENOUGH!” Jensen's Alpha voice echoes throughout the kitchen, quieting them both.

“She’s right,” Jared opened his mouth to retort, but Jensen countered with, “And so are you. Quinn, couldn’t your family help,” the Alphas wrinkled their noses at her souring scent, so he attempted another approach.

“I want to clear something up. I recall one of the stipulations for surrogates is that they reside in an appropriate domicile. Why were you living in a motel? Could you tell us what happened?”

“The flaming jackass tipped off the landlord I’m an O, and that fucker evicted me even though I never caused any problem or was late with rent.”

“There is a moratorium on evictions..”

“..that moratorium is a fucking joke!”

“What a minute,” Jensen said, and at the same time, Jared remarked, “It protects people...”

“Newsflash, Mr. Wizard, was created by and for the protection of Alphas and Betas! Take a hot minute to read the fine print, and you’ll find loopholes granting landlords, to quote, discretionary privileges pertaining to the eviction of those designated with the sub-gender Omega. In other words, they can boot O’s for any damn reason!” She gave the Alphas a hard stare, “So, enlighten me as to why y’all didn’t know a fucking thing about that bit?”

The kitchen got quiet as the Alphas glanced at each other, trying to find a non-assholey-sounding response. “Yeah, that’s what I thought; since it’s well known you two prefer Betas.” Quinn addressed the older Alpha.

“Padalecki and I have an arrangement. I keep the house and do meals in exchange for temporary boarding. No need to fret that pretty head of yours, Ackles; I’ll do me damnedest to stay outta the way."

🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎🐿️🫎

December 23rd Late Afternoon

Quinn heard Jensen’s surprised greeting covering the stewpot of goulash, slid it into the oven to stay warm, and peeked around the wall and saw him in the foyer hugging a small, older O, then a tall, bald Alpha carrying several bags crossed over to them.

“Let me help you with those, sir,” she offered, taking them couldn’t help but overhear his not-subtle sniff, “Jensen, who’s this?”

“Umm,” Jensen scratched the back of his neck, fumbling for a response, “this is the housekeeper, Quinn.” His mother-in-law peered inquisitively at the tall Omega before asking, “What happened to your boys' service?”

“I worked for it.”

Gerald Padalecki dubiously eyed the O up and down as she continued. “They pared down the staff, and Jared offered to retain me in exchange for lodging...”

“You live with them?” Gerald barked, “Jensen, that’s unwise considering...”

“Considering what Gerry,” his mate sharply asks, “the boys wouldn’t let someone stay they couldn’t trust.”

“I normally wouldn’t question their judgment, but she's an unmated O.”

“Whoa,’ Jensen jumped in, “are you suggesting that Jared or I...”

“Mama..daddy..what’re y’all doing here?” Jared couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice, wrapping his long arms around his mother, “thought you were coming tomorrow.”

“We decided to surprise you but got it instead.” Gerald’s gruff reply made Jared throw his husband a confused look, catching a whiff of his dad and Jensen, “What’s going on?”

“I bet y’all would like to freshen up after your trip.” Quinn blurted out, “Jensen, would you help me with their luggage, please.”

Taking the car keys, he follows her out the door, remarking, “you think fast, coming up with that story.”

“Ya’ were about to lose ya' shit on your father-in-law, and I didn’t precisely fib, just moved a few facts around,” Quinn shoots back, grabbing a bag while Jensen, fuming, retrieves the other, following her to the guest house.

How could the Alpha he considered his father even think, after everything they’d been through, found his dark thoughts distracted by two simultaneous acts; a deflating blow-up bed and his bewildered husband storming in shouting, “What the fuck was that?”

Jensen ticked his head towards the O and made the finger-in-hole gesture.

“I’ve gotten that shit since I presented,” the pair look towards Quinn with confused expressions. “Loads of Alphas still carry antiquated beliefs about unmated O’s, and I’m…pick an adjective to fill in the blank.”

“So much for a peaceful holiday,” Jensen grumbled.

“Yeah, too bad ya’ boy stuck his nose where it didn’t belong, right?” Quinn's tone was caustic. “I don’t want to be a bone of contention with ya' family. I’ll figure somewhere else to stay.”

Jared’s wolf simmers under his skin, “How? You have $636.96 in your account. That won’t cover a security deposit, let alone fir..”

“How the fuck ya’ know what’s in my account?!”

“Your laptop was open...”

“...and ya’ snooped...”

“...I happened to see it...”

“...still not your fucking problem...”

“...you’re carrying my..our pups, that makes it my fucking..”

“...ya’ are the most unfucking...”

“I’m tired of y’alls motherfucking bitching, so shut the fuck up!!”

Jensen wrinkles his nose, “Dude, dial it down; you’re stinking up the joint! And Quinn, Jared screwed up...”

“I never asked...”

“...doesn’t matter! He's trying to make amends, for fuck sake!” Jensen felt the vein in his left temple throbbing again.

“There will be many people dropping in or staying with us this fucking week, and this is how we’re all going to handle our situation.”

🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿🫎🐿

January 15th

“Humph,” Jensen jerked awake, slapping a hand around, and found his phone before cracking an eye open.

7:18 A.M.

Groaning, he dropped face-first into his pillow and wrestled his mates over his head to muffle the noise, but the pearls of his pup's laughter signaled he wouldn’t sleep much longer.

His fuzzy brain's insistence that coffee was more imperative than a shower has Jensen sleepily shuffling around the oversized couches, once again grateful they’d decided to move their bedroom to the main floor, spots the group in the kitchen muttered too damn early.

“That’s a bad word, Daddy,” JJ says, her frown a replica of his, “you owe the swear jar.”

“Your right, Birdie, sorry,” dropping a kiss on top of her and the twins' heads, stepping around them, pouring himself a mug, “remind me to pay it later.”

Hopping up on the counter, Jensen sips his coffee, savoring the black elixir rolling over his taste buds; he feels the caffeine penetrate his system, working its magic to turn his morning grumpyass into a civilized human watching his brood.

JJ and Arrow are busily festooning Quinn’s long, wonky braided hair with ribbons. Zeppelin and Icarus are sitting on the O’s lap, watching something on his iPad that's precariously balanced against her feet; felt his wolf purr in contentment, starting him when his mate materializes and gives him an odd look.

“Alright, y’all,” hopping off the counter, Jensen scoops up his son and flies him around, making airplane sounds, “Uncle Jeff and Aunt H/W/N will be here soon. What do all of you need to do before going?”

“Brush teeth and hair,” Arrow says, then looks at JJ, “grab our snacks from the fridge,” she reminds her, “and put them into our backpacks.”

“And do bath break!” Zep giggles as Jensen hands the pup to his mate and quietly says, “I wanna discuss something with Quinn.”

Jared reaches through their bond and finds a placidity in Jensen he hasn’t had for so long, but before he can deduce the causation, he gets distracted by the twins' squeals and escorts the pups upstairs.

Quinn eyes the older Alpha while securing a hair tie around her long braids, “what the fuck I do this time, Ackles?”

“Jared mentioned something about your leaving..”

“...I know ya' expected me gone before now...”

“...ya’ know what I expect?” Jensen snaps, mimicking her subtle accent, “I expect you to stop interrupting and let me get something out for fucking once! Now, could we please discuss this without fighting?”

Sitting at the dining room table, she says nothing, watching Jensen refill his coffee, grab another mug, and drops in a spoon of honey before pouring the brewed tea from the kettle, “Ya’ know how I take me tea?”

“I’m not a completely unobservant asshole,” Jensen self-deprecates, “you make a damn good cup of coffee,” he said, carrying both mugs over. “And I’m astonished how you balance everything, working at Emmer and Rye while keeping up with our hectic schedules. And what did you do to Jared?” Quinn looked confused, “you got him to put his wet clothes in the laundry instead of leaving them all over the bath. You’re either a witch or a goddamn miracle worker!”

“I gave him two options. Leave’um in the laundry or find itching powder in his clothing.”

“He’d just borrow my stuff...”

“...he did, once.”

“So, you?

“Clif said ya’ boy spent the day denying it was jock itch.”

Jensen was still laughing when the quartet came back downstairs, so Quinn placed both forearms on the table, leaning forward, and spoke softly, “okay, Ackles, the fucks going on with this little tête-à-tête? Cause ya’ been freaked the fuck out the entire time, so,” nodding to her mug, “What’s with the buttering up?”

“It’s about not leaving...”

“Quinns not gonna leave?” Jensen whipped around to find Arrow bouncing excitedly beside him, then she suddenly raced towards the front door, yelling, “Papa Jared, Daddy’s got Quinn to stay with us!”

Jared stood there scrutinizing the seated duo with an indecipherable expression.

“Looks like ya’ the one dropping me in the shitter this time, Ackles.”

tbc

Part V

SPN TAGS: @donnaintx @lyarr24 @flamencodiva @b3autyfuldisast3r @lassie-bird @nancymcl @spnbaby-67 @leigh70

Sam/Jared: @idreamofplaid Dean/Jensen: @thoughts-and-funnies @stoneyggirl2 @akshi8278 @beabutterfly987 @smoothdogsgirl @siospins2

GFA: @babypink224221 @waywardjoy @let-me-luve-you @all-4-wincest @ladysparkles78

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postal-ech · 1 year ago

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Eyy this will probably be the first post I ever make on this site, but I've been reminded of something as of recent

Call it late night nostalgia, but Chet Falisek, a former writer of many of my childhood games posted a couple of videos on TF2 talking about how Meet your Match really changed TF2 for the worst, and I'll post it at the end of this thread here of course.

TF2 has always been my childhood game, probably my first game I ever played on an old shittly Lenovo Laptop my dad let me borrow as a kid, before I was ever able to access stuff like minecraft and gmod and all those other old games from back then but it's been with me for decades, moreso than even Undertale which I've only ever recently gotten back into thanks to Deltarune. I've met my best friend on there, as well as other friends that have come and gone, I've seen a lot of cool and wacky maps and servers - from my old home server that constantly hosted an honestly impressive recreation of Majora's Mask's Clock town and Termina Field, to Mario_Kart and the weird community servers like Slender Fortress, Saxton Hale and its sister game mode Freak Fortress (who the hell still remembers those TF2 OCs eh?) And the likes

But after Gun Mettle and Meet your Match, something definitely changed in TF2, and it was especially the case with Meet your Match

Nowadays community servers aren't so much the forefront of tf2, more so its valve's official casual servers, I don't even think competitive mode is even alive, and if it is I'm betting it gets the same number of players as current day Mann vs Machine, but I feel like a good chunk of that community was lost after Meet your Match that not a lot of people talk about (well, barring other important matters of course like the never ending bot crisis)

There was a magic to logging onto TF2 back in 2013, 2014 when you can just go to your favorite community server, log on and see the people you've been banting and shitposting with since the day you first got on that server, bunnyhop from one end of the map to the other while shooting at each other while micspamming YouTube poops and rolling the dice for weird and wacky effects.

That server is long gone now, less because of Meet your Match and more because people have moved on

But I suppose in this long winded ramble of a post here on Tumblr the message is:

There is value in a community, no matter what it is. It could be Undertale, TF2, could be that small GMod server you ran with a while back, could be that one romhacking group doing stuff with your favorite Nintendo game, but there is value to it.

Granted TF2 is uh, still edgy as all shit as it was before, it's just now got a wide mixture of people from far and wide, but even as the boomer I make myself out to be, there's still people making Source Filmmaker animations with these characters, there's still people playing the game the way they want to, and these people and more are still making memories on this nearly 2 decade old game.

Dont let anyone say otherwise to ya. There's a value in having a community for that game, for all the fan projects they've made, it will always have its ups and downs, definitely some downs you may never forget, but chances are you've met some of your best friends and gotten to see some cool shit along the way, and hopefully that sticks with you long enough to take inspiration from it in the long run.

Guess that's it for my first post here, bar reblogs, wonder where this will go next.

Here's that link, by the by. Go and give Chet a sub too, he brings in some very good insights on a lot of things if you ask me, at least when it comes to his time at Valve and his creative work with the games that were there

youtube

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #gmod #valve games #Nostalgia rambling #Keep those communities you love or loved close to your heart #Not all of them will be perfect but what ever is?#Youtube

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bluewaterhigh2005 · 1 year ago

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hii i know this is random but bear with me. ive never read the vampire academy books but i have seen the movie for the first time last week and ive been like COMPLETELY insane about it ever since. the absolute craziness of psychosexual obsessive girlbestfriendism has captivated me and now i live breathe eat roselissa. spent a lot. of time on vampire academy wiki...thinking abt reading the books even but that seems a little excessive plus i dont wanna read about rose dimitri relationship i dont condone it. BUT i am getting desperate ive seen bad fanart on pinterest ive even venturend into some bad fanfic territory theres nothing in the roselissa tumblr tag and your blog is the only light in the darkness. im so obsessed with them its really bad. NOBODY does it like them theyre so insane. okay so-> i was thinking you could use this ask to dump some roselissa opinions/headcannons/notes app essays etc or like literally anything🙏. also sorreee for how long it is & thank you & also should i watch the show? ok ok have a nice day byeeeee❤️

i am so fucking glad that it's 2023 and people are still watching this stupid perfect lesbian camp masterpiece of a film. okay first of all you are soooo real not wanting to read the books because of fuck ass dimitri like what a pathetic flop. *i* love the books like i would love my own children but keep in mind i did read them for the first time as a 12yr old and even now when i reread it's mostly to warmup before rereading bloodlines which i think is the most perfect magical romantic series ever written. heterosexuals won that round.

anyway i think everyone in the world should watch the show it's so much fun and the roselissa necromancy reveal goes soooooooo crazy like it's gay excellence. also a) australian rose hathaway is INSPIRED, b) the rose/dimitri of it all pisses me off significantly less in the show purely because he's like. not even a teacher he's just lurking and hanging around and i find that very funny. no friends no job he's just like me fr, and c) lissa wears funky little hats and that's so special to me she is my baby girl princess sweetie pie forever and ever and ever

okay moving onto actually talking about roselissa it is first of all very important to me that you know the 3rd book opens with rose inside lissa's head during a lissa/christian sex scene and she's very much like "i don't want to have sex with lissa..... BUT-" and it sends me every time especially because that was actually the first book i read so my literal introduction to this series was rose being weird and psychosexual about lissa which kind of coloured my view of them forever. roselissa above everything of course but i AM a roselissachristian throuple truther i think they're very fun and rose and christian best friendisms are very dear to me.

i do keep a running list in my notes app of songs that i would put on a roselissa playlist (like an insane person.) and the #1 entry is mitski's i don't smoke because well literally if you need to be mean be mean to me i can take it and put it inside of me..... that's literally their whole entire thing for a while there like rose spending an entire book like. siphoning off lissa's mental illness and making it her own SOUNDS like a joke but no it's #real and #devastating. bonus i also have a list of lissa songs which is topped by BRUTAL by olivia rodrigo because nobody has ever suffered the pains of being a teenage girl more than my perfect bisexual vampire princess.

my post-series thoughts /headcanons are often pretty depressing on the roselissa front but i don't want to get into depressing shit so i will instead talk about my current favourite idea which is that after they break their bond at the end of the series. you'd think they'd start being normal about each other. but NO they get even more freaky and codependent. i like to picture people coming to court and just sighing when they see them sitting in each other's laps on lissa's throne like not AGAIN. and dimitri idk dies in a fire or something. idk if you've ever seen grey's anatomy but there's this bit where a guy is like "my wife and her friend have sleepovers together in our bed with me in it" and TO ME that is soooo roselissachristian core. he's THEIR third wheel and he knows it.

also sidebar it pisses me off SOOOOOO bad seeing how people on the internet so fundamentally misunderstand lissa and her relationship to rose like for literal years now like they're always out here calling my girl self-centred and saying she doesn't love rose as much as rose loves her which is crazy because hello she brought rose back from the DEAD with her mind powers. her whole flop family was dead in that car and she brought back her girl best friend like what more can you even say about that. she's gay and she's insane and she's so completely Not Normal about rose

#okay i put a read more because this got long as fuck and i am so sorry for anyone seeing this if it didn't work sdkjdjd #THANK you for sending me this va is my favourite thing in the world i could talk about it for years #basically. absolutely watch the show it's perfect i have no notes #and i Won't tell you to read the books but. they are very fun and easy to get through if you do decide to #and while the rose dimitri of it all is. gags. i DO think roselissa is very clearly the core relationship #it's so funny that ms mead accidentally wrote a crazy gay masterpiece for the ages like. roselissa will ALWAYS be famous #answered #anonymous

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loversgothic · 2 years ago

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Is there a particular reason you stopped making Fortnite art?

ohhhh boy. theres a few? in part its because it stopped being fulfilling and i lost interest and inspiration. its also because i cant play the game anymore because it cant run on my laptop with the new updates.

but a big one is that people are... really mean. really, really mean. people in the fortnite community overall are SOOOO NEGATIVE esp to artists. i make primarily romantic art and pinup art, and people can be incredibly unkind. ive been called slurs (both homophobic and racial), ive seen my friends get bullied for posting art in a similar vein, fuck that shit was a NIGHTMARE. fortnite possibly has the worst fandom ive ever seen, and ive been in SO MANY of them! i made mostly Jonesdation art, and while there were people who liked it, there was a lot of people who also didnt. there was some kind of weird.. looming feeling that i was afraid of posting my indulgent work (of course i always posted it anyway! im no pussy) but i dont like having that feeling loom over me. its also bc some of my friends kind of thought it was Funny when i did Foundation art since they didnt care much abt fortnite lore and thought my serious art i put all my time into was funny because of who acted Foundation. and i want my ideas to be taken seriously enough if i present them in a serious fashion.

its also because The Seven got slipped out of the story as time passed, and i really just couldnt get into the Oathbound or current groups. and even then, content with The Seven and Foundation in particular really felt like punch after punch regarding a character i became attached to (to nearly a delusional extent) with peoples perception of him becoming shittier because of a fucking comic that sucked ass. after a while it feels like people forgot abt him :( fortnite seriously moves WAYYY too fast and theres too many characters to get attached to, once your fave falls out of relevancy in story you are probably not gonna hear about them again? the only seven members i ever see ANYONE talk abt anymore is origin and that is bc im friends with the number one origin fans SBHJAHBANJA i love them i hope they have fun forever <3

something else that i think is that, i fell out of the fortnite fandom because it feels like its not a great place to explore ideas for me. when it comes to writing, i want to explore relationships, symbols, backstories, and the character i liked (Foundation) did NOT have that many people willing to explore those ideas and it made me scared to share them. Fortnite also doesnt really have a lot of... depth. it COULD have depth, sure, but you have to grasp at straws and make up half of it. it just.. wasnt fulfilling enough, i need something i can Dig into.

ill always love the Fortnite characters, and ill always love The Seven. ill always love Fiore (my foundation oc i made before he got unmasked officially) and FUCK ill always love all of the villains and Jones. but right now i need to explore something else fulfilling

here are some other small reasons:

my art has been stolen for tiktok thirst traps multiple times

i dont have a problem with being in a community with a lot of teenagers (i am a teenager. an adult one but ykno) but DAMN its a relief to be able to talk like an adult to OTHER ADULTS now that im out of there

ive also had to hide my nsfw art twitter for a variety of reasons that are complex. (one of them being that Im not trying to get bullied more)

it felt like i was fucked bc i couldnt produce relevant art fast enough to keep up with the game

#SORRY THATS SRSLY LONGGGG #.txt #ask #also if i said every crazy thing i had ever thought i would be put in the fortnite struggles hall of fame #now i can just like. say crazy ass things here and people will just nod and understand me

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myrfing · 2 years ago

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i like that theresis is portrayed as unchosen and not very special among the sarkaz. among all the heritors of the old blood and whatever he’s kind of your run of the mill sarkaz, just older than most, and was not chosen as the sarkaz king; his sister, miss theresa who haunts the whole narrative, was. his sword is described as unremarkable and those not directly at his side either question his origins or inherent worth, or believe in him deeply for his promise in a way that lets them ascend beyond their kill-or-be-killed every man for himself state. i dont know exactly what theresa’s plan was but it seemed like she had hoped a powerful ideal would have spurred great change on terra with her as a sort of messiah leading people into a future of coexistence, while theresis is obviously the more radical sort of “they will never let the sarkaz live in peace; killing and at-all-costs warfare is then necessary”. and to be honest his approach, despite the unfortunately obvious inspiration from like, holy-land-jerusalem shit being projected onto a fantasy scenario with much different elements and stakes and histories (people shouldn’t really use such heavyhanded inspiration if you are going to misrepresent the situation, even in fantasy imo), kind of makes some sense to me; all other sarkaz leaders we’ve seen only have managed to provide refuge to very few sarkaz, with most of them still not freed from being frontline fodder for war, RI included, and from facing extreme persecution. Terra is seemingly ruled by a compound of business interests, the Lateran church, and expansionist countries like Columbia or Victoria, all of which will always put the sarkaz at the very bottom of the hierarchy and to be the scapegoat in hand with the infected to be used for their greed. in real life, this justification doesn’t work for a lot of reasons, and it doesnt quite for fantasy londinium’s situation either; most the people there are just sort of living their lives and have been for generations, and returning the mass death and displacement to a generally clueless and mmmostly powerless population is wrong no matter how you cut it. but i think the situation for the sarkaz is so abjectly miserable in this fantasy world that lol theresis provides a sort of hope they’d not seen since kazdel fell.

on top of all that every single death of a sarkaz seems to add pain and grief to their collective conscious, and it’s now weighed so heavily that the mere echo of it paralyzes anyone who experiences it. it’s a building thing that’s all. also it’s just weird to argue against from the protagonist standpoint because RI is a paramilitary org that has no effective qualms with killing the most powerless and desperate to achieve its goals but Lol. imo it would have been more interesting if theresis had not been the one implied to (?) have been responsible for theresa’s death w/ driving babel to a corner as the opposing regent and that having added to his disillusionment with a peaceful approach but that would uhhh really damn RI and RI is the one thing in the game they want to portray as always virtuous and of the best intent so probably not

#arkn #into the mist spoilers #i like that the sarkaz arent a monolith though

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drewandareview · 11 months ago

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Reaction Videos

Originally published January 30th, 2016

I don’t think I could really decry the concept of the “reaction”. For the uninitiated, a reaction is a new thing where somebody offers their reaction to something they’ve experienced. You might think “Hasn’t this existed since the beginning of human civilization?” and the answer is absofuckinglutely. Some might even refer to a “reaction” as a “review”, which it literally is. I could call this blog “Drew and a Reaction” and it would essentially be the same thing, minus fun rhyming.

There is a distinction to the reaction phenomenon picking up popularity, however. It usually involves “live” reactions, as in, seeing what people think of something right as they experience it. It’s also almost always in video format. While this still isn’t a new concept, it’s fair enough to say that its popularity in this specific format is.

Now while I can’t hate on the idea of reactionary review (because this Drew and a Review project has participated in this exact kind of reviewing several times), I can say that the recent popularity of reaction videos has incited some speculation as to whether or not they can go too far. I recall watching somebody put out a very personal blog called “My Abuse Story”. I could have written a whole review on that if there were very much to say other than “A girl probably abused a guy, actively denied it, and still has a very popular YouTube channel.” It’s fascinating, frustrating, and heartbreaking that people like that exist. That’s about all I had to say on it.

Other people apparently had a lot more to say about it:

That doesn’t even scratch the surface. I mean, I guess I get it. This is a very dramatic story and I can understand it inspiring a lot of thoughts. This is also a public video being reacted to so it’s not too personal to talk about. It’s not wrong for people to have vicarious experiences either. In fact, this is a lot like a video version of a comments section. I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point in the future, a comments section could feature actual videos. It’s kind of cool to think about.

But as open-minded as I try to be, it’s still a little weird, and I think I’ll credit that to this guy:

This is what I saw pop up in “related videos” when I was watching the original video and immediately I thought this guy was a fucking twerp. I have a kneejerk reaction to assume that anyone using an emoticon is not being sincere, which comes from an (inaccurate) assumption that people who use overused and uninspiring things such as emoticons are stupid, and that stupid people aren’t smart enough to be sincere. I had to calm myself down... No, maybe this guy was legitimately sad and just expressed it in a way that made me have to swallow an aneurysm. And so... I decided to watch this video.

I hated it. I’d like to highlight some of the dialogue. In italics are lines from the original video. In quotes are the responses our beloved Reaction Time host had to them.

My name’s Matthew Santoro. “Yes.”

I’ve decided to make a video discussing something that I never thought I would discuss publicly. “Power to you, brother.”

It’s embarrassing. “Oh shit.”

It’s not something people ever talk about. “Yeah.” (Note: At this point, guy in original video is in tears. And as far as I know, Reaction Time guy has not seen this video and has no idea what he’s actually saying “yeah” to.)

I didn’t expect this... At all. To be honest, I didn’t think I was gonna get emotional at all; I thought that *sniff* I thought that I’d--I’m--I’m tough now, I dealt with this, it’s... I thought it’s something that--I’ve buried deep, and w--I would never talk about again. But I feel compelled to because... “Wow, he must be really hurt. He’s crying on--camera.” (Note: Reaction Time guy said this immediately over the line where guy in video informed that he had been in an abusive relationship.)

I pretty much stopped watching there. This “reaction video”? It was a mistake. It was a fucking waste of time, waste of life, waste of resources. It makes me tempted to denounce all reaction videos. But I can’t. Because...

I AM CURRENTLY REACTING TO A REACTION.

There’s gotta be something to this. Even if my transcription of this reaction video and my commentary on this reaction video hasn’t personally entertained you, it’s personally entertained me. So not only is there a place for reactions, but a place for reactions of reactions, and possibly reactions to that and... I’d say to infinity but honestly the reactions wouldn’t get much mileage after a while because there’d be too many things getting overlapped. Also, infinity is hard to grasp. I want you to remember that I said that.

So I confess, I think that there’s a point to reaction videos! A value even! Why is it, then, that I see them pop up on YouTube and feel so frustrated? I imagine I’m not alone here. And I also imagine I’m not alone in that I can read a newspaper review for a movie in theaters and feel completely fine, or read a review of a product online and feel totally okay. What is it about reaction videos specifically that are so aggravating to see?

I think I know why, and I want to illustrate something for you. Picture your local movie theater. It’s probably playing all the latest releases, things such as that. Picture one of those movies. It’s titled __________. Now I want you to picture reading a review of __________ online, or even seeing a video review on YouTube. No problems yet, right? Everything’s fine?

Now I want you to picture a review of __________ being in video form, and being two hours long. If is seems impossible that someone could review a movie for that long, just take it from me (and my multiple movie reviews that have exceeded two hours) that it is not. Now I want you to picture that video review playing at the same movie theater that __________ is. Both __________ and __________ REVIEW are playing in the exact same theater.

Now I want you to picture that __________ REVIEW is not alone. There are many reviewers that have distinct opinions on this movie, and they have all submitted video reviews in the two hour ballpark. And they are all available to watch at this movie theater. You can see __________, or you can see HappyJack97′s __________ REVIEW, or you can see The Quiet Inquirer’s __________ REVIEW, or you can see Daring Darren’s __________ REVIEW, and so on, and so on...

I imagine at this point, you’re finally starting to feel pretty annoyed. Why? Well the local movie theater is getting overrun by all these reviews! This is the space that’s supposed to be reserved for watching actual movies, and here there’s a bunch of reviews existing in the same space! It starts to feel like people are pushing your movies out in favor for TALKING about the movies, and that starts to feel incredibly stupid and pointless.

I think reaction videos on YouTube annoy us for the same reason. When reaction videos are to things outside of YouTube, such as the latest awesome album that came out, I don’t think it’s as maddening. But if reaction videos talk about other videos you can find on YouTube, then your space is getting cluttered. The same space where you could go to find a regular YouTube video is where you can go to find a reaction to it.

Why does this get annoying, though? There’s a ton of space on YouTube! There’s room for everything! This is true, but as I said before (HEY DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’M ABOUT TO BRING UP?), infinity is hard to grasp. And as humans, when we see reaction videos in our YouTube space, we begin to think that YouTube is filling up with reaction videos and as a result, there’s less room for other videos. And I imagine most people would prefer regular videos to reaction videos, so this becomes upsetting.

Strangely, though, I think just being reminded that infinity exists will help us calm down to these reaction videos. Yeah, they’re around, but there’s room for them. Reaction videos won’t be a real problem as long as there’s room for them. In movie theaters, that might be a problem (which is why I would not expect to ever find one of my two-hour reviews playing at your local theater). But on the Internet? We’re gonna be okay. Come on guys, let’s not...

...

...overreact.

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hotdrinkluvr · 1 year ago

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I was talking to this guy about art and such, stuff I said before about ideas I have like the crime scene thing. Conversation dies down and I ask him what his newest script is about and he says, "I won't tell you my idea since you won't tell me yours." Because I'd previously refused to tell him about what new stuff I'm working on. I reply, "OK. Well I don't really care anyways, I'm just being polite." Which was true, I really couldn't give a shit what he's up to. There was a tangible moment of silence where he seemed genuinely hurt, and then confused whether I was sarcastic or not, which I found very amusing. Shockingly to no one, he ended up telling me anyways because all men really want to do is talk about themselves. He said he loved movies about women's struggles, I let him talk for a while and I really couldn't help smiling because everything he was saying was so damn amusing. His sudden transparency and unearned trust in me was so apparent. I'm not sure if he was trying to impress me or not, but our little conversation certainly had me thinking about how much some men are just little boys. It was like I was his mother and he was showing me a drawing he did in school or something.

He kept asking questions about my artistic process and I think all of my answers disappointed him. He asked how long it took for me to think of my crime scene idea, I said "maybe two hours". He said it sounded like I'd thought about it for a while, I said "I haven't thought about it that much really." He asked me what I do to become inspired creatively, I told him "I don't know." Because I truly don't. He said he listens to rain sounds and the music from taxi driver, I said "I guess I listen to Boards of Canada." Which is sort of untrue, I listen to them mostly when I'm just wallowing. He asked me about something I apparently said before about a fly or something, I said "I don't remember what you're talking about." Because I didn't and still don't, I told him "I don't think about what I've done in the past or will do in the future, I just do what I'm doing now." Which is pretty much how I live nowadays, most of the time anyway. My memory has steadily declined, and I found its made me a more stable person. But it also makes me feel close to nothing unless its in the moment, so its been a struggle to create art recently because I'm just not feeling that often. And when I do it doesn't last long.

I reflect back on this conversation because it continues to amuse me, a man who I'd previously viewed as some philosophical film snob was suddenly creasing into a little boy who has apparently thought about me for weeks (I told him about the crime scene idea over a month ago). He remembered more about my idea than I did, he's remembered conversations I can't even remember. I appreciate him, because now I feel a certain encouragement to actually create something worthwhile, something to put effort and thought into. Its weird to have someone actually interested in my art, even if he hasn't seen it. I want to make something I'm proud of, something tangible, and it all thanks to this snobbish scorsese worshipper unknowingly boosting the hell out of my ego.

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blurglesmurfklaine · 2 years ago

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Should I be a mad person and ask you all the author questions?

I forget that "mad" means "wild or crazy" and I misread this as "Should I be mad?" anf i was like OH MY GOD WHAT DID I DO???? JJHDKJHDKJD

but to answer your question YES!! I answered all the ones I didn't get to already beneath the cut!

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

YES. I have an angsty like, Old Flame/It's Complicated bc It Was Friendship But Also Something More where one of them os very hurt and they become estranged and i have not started because i have BITS AND PIECES but not an actual... plot. I also feel like I kind of already did something similar with 'tis the damn season and don't want to bore everyone with the same shit lmao

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

(TW: SA) waaaaaaay back when, I tried writing a really angsty AU where one character gets sexually assaulted and it was honestly like. the second thing I ever wrote but the issue with that was that I was 15 and had no idea what I was talking about and while it's not particularly problematic, I feel kind of weird and icky about having written it especially being socialized as a woman like. Idk it makes me feel like a supid kid writing about shit they had no business having an entire story centered around, and it got really dark in some places and I feel like that's not and never was me, or what I want people to think about when they think of my stories. So it will stay and die on my ffnet page with the rest of the shit I aint too proud of

4) favorite character you’ve written

FINN!!!!!!! I love writing Finn and maybe it's because he and I share a braincell (or lack thereof) but I have always loved him and adore writing him in shit <3

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

I was so surprised to have fallen in love with writing Quinn, even though she is SO hard for me to get quite right most of the time. I love her your honor

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

online? enthusiastic!!!!

irl?.... WE DONT TALK ABOUT BRUNONONONOOOO

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

Walks, leave the house (has been harder since anxiety spiked since quarantine), talk to people. I feel like I am very intrinsically motivated, BUT very extrinsically inspired. I definitely draw inspiration from the world around me

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

depends on my mood tbh! most of the time its in silence by myself, but sometimes I will put on instrumental/classical/lo-fi music to help me focus if i need it. I know i will be judged for this, but I STILL WRITE FIC ON MY PHONE SOMETIMES WHEN I GET THE OPPORTUNITY SO SOMETIMES I wRITE aROUND OTHER PEOPLE< STRANGERS EVEN (at least I don't use the notes app anymore ksjdfkjsd)

12) your weaknesses as an author

UGH. Setting, describing movement, LOGISTICS,timelines i HATE TIMELINES like no i dont know when any of this happens but like its gonna happen aight???

13) your strengths as an author

I think I'm pretty good at emotions, specifically downward spiral sjahkjdaks I love me a good breakdown. I also like to think I'm funnt sometimes and write dialogue alright

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

not all of them but most of the time yeah ksjdhfksjd I have one for "State of Grace” and one made by the lovely @honeysucklepink for “Sing To Me” (which I WILL finish eventually i promise, but it reminds me of a Turbulent Time In Life and has been hard to write recently due to things I never would have seen coming a year ago)

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

I don’t think so??? I have an OC child i killed in a zombie apocalypse once that i sort of feel guilty about oop

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

Read more than you write, don’t be afraid to ask for a second pair of eyes, and work collaboratively, i promise you’ll love it. Also fucking read through your shit before you post it bc “idk how to say they fucked intensely” will come back to haunt you more than the dead zombie child

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

Bullet points for sure and I’ve also found a love of Google Jamboard and Microsoft Journal!

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Depends on what sort of time/motivation I have, really. Long time/No Motivation: Short. No Time/Lots of Motivation: Also short burst. Motivation AND Time (very rare): I will not move from this spot for two hours (mostly short spurts tho)

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

“Not bad for a fourteen year old!”

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

Age Gap and Student/Teacher relationships is a huge squick for me, so I’d probably never write it. D/s stuff I don’t understand enough about so I def wouldn’t feel comfortable writing it lmao

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

forgot about this one and tbh gave me Big Ouchies. From An Honest Man (spoilers ahead on the off chance anyone is reading it):

“Look, I know the situation doesn’t lean favorably in my direction, but we have never lied to each other.”

Christ, he can’t take this anymore. Kurt spins around ferociously.

“All we did was lie to each other!” he snaps, finally letting out a sob. He made it through the mediation, but seeing Blaine face to face is so much harder than he ever could have imagined.

Kurt watches Blaine’s confusion morph into pain as he continues. “I said I didn’t love you,” he points at his ex-husband. “And you said you did.”

Thank you for this ask Yue!!! Sorry it took so long for me to asnwer lmao BUT UR A REAL ONE <333

#ask #asks #justasmallbloginabigklainefandom

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mayasaura · 2 years ago

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Hello! I thought you'd be the person to send this to since you are a beacon of tlt thoughts, but I haven't seen anyone else mention this (maybe I just missed it) but in the glossary of htn it says "on Wake's death, BOE withdrew somewhat out of the eye of the Houses to regroup, but were enlivened by the reappearance of their legendary commander in the form of a revenant" and since BOE seem to be pretty active, with the missile attack and all, wouldn't that mean they somehow knew of Wake's revenant pre htn events, so she had some way of contacting them while in the sword and/or on the Ninth- I may be completely wrong of course but I thought I'd put it out there

Holy shit, so it does. It does say that. Wake has been in contact with Blood of Eden. And if it was her leadership and influence as a revenant that has enlivened her cell and inspired the nuclear attack....

Thinking about the timeline, I think it's most likely that she made contact with her people after they took the survivors and Gideon's remains into custody. Harrow was unconscious for twenty-nine days after her surgery, and the attack seems to have happened in the nebulous period of the first five chapters, while Harrow was in and out and the passage of time is impossible to gauge. That means Wake would have had about a month to make contact, plan, and execute the attack.

Well hell. That makes this exchange very funny in hindsight:

Trying to get her to condemn an attack she helped coordinate lmao

As for how it's possible for her to have contacted them while in the sword, we can refer back to Augustine's lesson on revenants. The corpus of a revenant—the physical part that anchors it to this world—is an item or items that it has a thanergetic link with. Grave goods, murder weapons, anything present at its death, anything it kills after dying, or, as we see in The Mysterious Study of Doctor Sex, the remains of a dead blood relative. The revenant's mind can only be present in one part of its corpus at a time, but it can have multiple concurrent links. That's how Wake was able to hop back and forth between the sword, Cytherea's body, and Harrow's dreams in Harrow the Ninth.

From the way things went down on the Mithraem, and the events in Doctor Sex, it seems that a revenant is limited by the physical capabilities of its vessel. Wake could not speak or take action from the sword; she needed Cytherea's body to move around and communicate, so she would need something similar to communicate with Blood of Eden.

Something like her daughter's empty corpse, perhaps? It would have been free real estate while Gideon was busy being entombed in Harrow's brain, and Judith did say her body was the "object of some weird superstition" to the Edenites.

I know I've already seen some folks saying they think Wake is going to possess Gideon like she did Cytherea. Count me in, I'm on your team now. I think she's already done it.

#taking that even further.....#that would mean that As Yet Unsent is set in the month after Canaan House while Harrow is out cold #which would makes sense for how well healed Judith is when Harrow sees her on the jungle planet #and means that Mercy likely examined Gideon's corpse before ever meeting Harrow #if Wake is possessing Gideon's body then the tests BoE were doing on it were probably before she'd gotten situated #it took her a long time to work up to being able to walk and talk in Cytherea's corpse #doesn't leave her much time to arrange the attack on the Cohort #but if she had any awareness of what was going on around her while in the sword she might not have needed much time #she was on the Cohort flagship #talk about a well placed spy #thank you so much for this you've blown my mind wide open #I NEVER NOTICED THAT DETAIL IN THE GLOSSERY #I didn't think she was going to drop hugely important plot revelations in the GLOSSERY #that's on me I guess #the locked tomb #tlt meta #nona speculation #harrow the ninth #htn spoilers #as yet unsent #blood of eden #commander wake #awake remembrance of these valiant dead kia hua ko te pai snap back to reality oops there goes gravity

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iwadori · 4 years ago

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Haikyu boys when they make you insecure PT 1 (Kenma,Kuroo)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6.

Word Count:3k

genre: angst, fluff

masterlist

Kenma:

You and Kenma have been in a long distance relationship for a while.

Both of you stream, Kenma doing it seriously for his job and you just playing it for fun,

Sometimes you stream together of course but because of your difference in audiences and games you don’t do it all the time

“Bye guys! Hope you enjoyed todays stream” You wave off to the camera and shut off your PC taking a few sips of water.

Kenma: Hey.. nice stream today Y/N are you going to watch mine?

Y/N: Of course I will

Kenma: Ok talk to you later

Y/N: okayy <3

Kenma is what inspired you to stream, he also taught you all the ins and outs of streaming making sure you were set and ready. Your gaming style was very relaxed and friendly as you obviously weren’t streaming as a career just for fun and to make friends with your online viewers. The games you played were usually: minecraft, COD, Sims 4, Roblox, Animal crossing and *Insert your favourite game here* the way I literally named all the games I play

You wait for Kenmas stream to start, kind of excited as you’ve always loved seeing your boyfriend in his ‘element’ when it comes to playing to games. As your boyfriends stream starts you see he’s already chosen what game he is playing today which is to your surprise Call of duty, since that was the game you were playing earlier.

As he gets into the stream you are entertained, as always since Kenma was being his usual self laughing at his own deadpan jokes and interacting with his viewers. He is currently waiting for his capture the flag game to start so as he waits he decides to read some comments in the chat.

You’re used to the usual ‘Kenma where is Y/N I miss your usual streams together’ or ‘kenma please RAIL me’ which always makes you laugh. You were also used to the common hate comments Kenma and You both got on your streams but you were definitely not ready for this..

@ Ihatewomanandiamadick : Hey Kenma did you see your girls stream today she is so dog shit at COD lmaoooo jhdfkjdrhdrr

“Well hello ihatewomenandiamadick” started Kenma “but yes I did see Y/N stream and obviously she is not the best at games and I would definitely NOT ask her to team with me for any serious gaming competitions ... but she’s fun to watch I guess” as he finished speaking about you his game loaded up so he focused his attention on that the words he just spoke going to the back of his mind as they end up at the forefront of yours.

You obviously knew you were no match for Kenma’s gaming expertise but you didn’t expect him to publicly agree with a hate comment let alone add more of his imput on you. Did he really think that about you? ‘She’s fun to watch I guess’ did he not even enjoy your streams that much?

You wanted to distract yourself, and you definitely couldn’t do that watching him so you close off of his stream and get in your bed deciding to watch your favourite show.

Waking up at 6pm after your sad nap, you see that Kenma has left some messages to you,

Kenma: hey did you watch my stream?

Kenma: do you want to facetime later and play some minecraft..?

Kenma: y/n r u ok??

Y/N: oh hey cnt play minecraft w you rn not really in the mood..

Kenma: oh ok..

Time passed since then a month to be exact and you basically dropped off of the face of the earth, you weren’t in the mood to do anything let alone game and stream, which was a constant reminder of your boyfriend (something you didn’t want at the time.)

You felt embarrassed over all the things he said about you and all the things you now think he thinks about you and the way you play. Maybe he thinks even worse things about you, beyond just how you game? What if he doesn’t even genuinely like you...or he has someone else...it does make sense, you do both live miles and miles away from eachother AND he’s a big streamer you see the amount of girls in his comments.

You shake your head to erase your protruding thoughts coming in your mind, but it doesn’t really help. You and Kenma haven’t spoken much over this month he tried to constantly reach out to you at first but you assume he got bored over your constant, repetitive dry texts. So you were almost content with you and Kenma not even being in a relationship anymore.

However on Kenma’s side, he was beyond worried about you. Since you haven’t been streaming or barely responded to his texts he thought something happened to you, but he didn’t want to be seen as ‘overstepping boundaries’ if there was nothing wrong at all with you and you simply were just ‘not in the mood.’

So here he is, in Kuroo’s apartment trying to get him to help him out on finding out what is wrong with you.

“So kenma can you remember what happened the day when Y/N went ‘ghost’“ asked Kuroo in a mock detective voice

“Y/N didn’t go ‘ghost’ Kuro, and take this seriously” said Kenma “I’m worried bout her”

“Okay fine, but for real what’s the last thing you remember before she started acting all weird.”

“Umm I think it was around a month ago I did my saturday stream and I think she was on it but she didn’t leave her usual nice comments throughout”

“Ohh that was the stream when you sai-” Kuroo said before pausing his words as the memory of what Kenma said about you on his stream came in his mind, as even Kuroo thought it was a tad bit harsh for Kenma to say all those things “I think I know why Y/N has been so distant kiddo”

“What why?” Asked Kenma

Kuroo pulls out his phone and brings up the clip off what Kenma said and Kenma’s face cringes ‘did he really say all those things about you’ he thinks.

“Shit.. I didn’t know I said all of that” he said quietly “how do I make it up to her?”

“There’s only one thing you can really do Kenma” said kuroo

You are woken up out of your sleep by a knock on the door. Getting out your bed like a zombie, you trudge to your front door only surprised by what you see. There in his 5′6 glory stood your ‘boyfriend’ Kenma with a controller and a kitten teddy in his hand. You were very tempted to shut the door in his face and get back to your dreamless sleep but you waited on him to speak.

“Hi Y/N” he said quietly “wanna play some minecraft...?”

“Why so you can ridicule me on how shit I am?” You ask bitterly ready to shut the door on him

“No! No not all” he said stopping you from shutting the door entering your place “Y/N i’m really sorry on what I said, I wasn’t thinking AT ALL... I love watching your streams and I think you’re great at playing games...I was just being a dick,”

You take a deep breath before tears pool in your eyes “what you said really hurt me kenma..” you say “ I know people say shitty things on the internet all the time... it’s the internet. But I wasn’t expecting you to agree with the hater and say even more shitty things on top of that.. I don’t think I want to even stream anymore”

Upon hearing that, Kenma’s mouth parts open with shock ‘you dont want to stream anymore’ were his comments that bad? Now he feel even worse as he should and is now more determined to make things right.

He impulsively drags your arm into your game room, catching your surprise ‘what is he up too?’ you think. He stops for a second seeing your usual pristine gaming set up, collected up with dust.

“What are you do-” you start

“Just wait!” He says, as he rushes away turning on all your stuff and logging onto his twitch account as he sees the views go up he starts to speak

“Hi guys, its me kodzuken and today I’m here on stream with my beautiful girlfriend and today I want to say..” he turns to you “Y/N im so sorry for the horrible things I said to you that day... I was just being a dick and I’m sorry I really am.”

You look at the chat and you see some confusion and some people recalling his words from last month. “It’s fine Kenma, I forgive you” you say giving him a hug”

“Okay Y/N, so what do you say... wanna beat my ass at bed wars?” He says with a smirk

“When have I ever loss?” you return his smirk

Of course you did beat his ass as bed wars for rounds on rounds never losing proving yourself to actually be a good gamer girl. You enjoyed your time with Kenma, forgetting what he said before about you and moving on.

Eventually, you guys moved in together and streamed together all the time and yes you still do play for fun but you’ve gotten way better at COD (some may say better then Kenma) but who is better didn’t matter to any of you, as long as you got to play together that’s all you both cared about.

Kuroo:

Kuroo and you have been together since you were in your first year of high school

You met as friends first when you got him to tutor you in chemistry ( a subject you still aren’t that good at.)

Now you have your upcoming entrance exams for university in a month so your school has you doing mock exams in preparation for them.

20%

You look down at your chemistry paper that your teacher just handed you. 20%. You’re surprised, very surprised since out of all your subjects (that you go 90+% on) you studied on the chemistry test the hardest ensuring Testurou, that you didn’t need his help at all. But I guess it turns out, you did.

This failing mock grade put a blunder on your day, you didn’t interact with anyone and didn’t want to see your boyfriend so you skipped your usual routine of meeting him on the rooftop and went to the library instead ‘might aswell start early on your studying’ you thought.

As you were going over your chemistry topics, you hear an ‘ahem’ next to you and you turn your head only to find your boyfriend and his friends next to you. Kuroo with his usual goofy smile on his face.

“Hey kitten where were you at lunch?” he asked

“Needed to go to the library, Chemistry is kicking my ass” you mumbled

“Oya” he said as he noticed your chemistry test laying under your textbook “20%, well damn Y/N I knew you were stupid, but I didn’t know you were that stupid” he laughed doing his stupid usual hyena-like laugh.

Ouch well that hurt. You slightly flinched at his words, “Really your name, you didn’t know the molecular formula for ethanol, that’s first year work” he said continuing to laugh “I’m pretty sure that’s one of the first things I tutored you on when we first met”

His overbearing laughter was not good for you, you were already having a bad day and yes you do know your not that good at chemistry but you didn’t need your chemistry-enthusiast boyfriend to make fun of you for failing. Kenma and Yaku stood there awkwardly obviously aware of how bad Kuroo is making you feel but they didn’t really know how to stop his friend in the moment.Whilst he’s still dying of laughter you decide to pack up your stuff and leave the library.

You managed to get your Chemistry tutor to let you retake your mock paper in a week so that means, extra hard studying with no distractions you definitely can’t fail again. Since studying on your own was definitely not a good option, and you couldn’t go to Kuroo (especially after he ridiculed you) you decided to ask the second smartest person you know to tutor you.

Y/N: Hey Yaku! Can I ask you a favour?

Yaku: Hi Y/N what do you need??

Y/N: I have my chemistry retake next week, and as you know from your loud-loud friend I failed my recent test so can you tutor me??

Y/N: Pleaseeee

Yaku: Ok Y/N why can’t you ask Kuroo you know that he’d be more than happy to help

Y/N: Yakuu pleasee just help me out

So there you was, nearly a week done with your study sessions with Yaku and you’re feeling way more confident than before.

“Y/N what is the functional group of a Carboxylic Acid” Yaku asked

“umm... COO?”

“Great! that’s correct Y/N” he praises i dont actually know if it’s correct or not

You then hear a knock at Yaku’s front door and hear his mum let the person in, Kuroo then enters Yaku’s bedroom with shock plastered on his face surprised to see you here.

“Y/N...hey?” he says confused “what are you doing here?”

“Oh Mori-chan is just helping me with chemistry for my retake tommorow” you say nochalantly internally smiling at the twinge in Kuroo’s face at the purposeful use of Yaku’s first name.

“So why didn’t you ask me to help you know I’m a chemistry whiz” he asks

“Maybe I’m too stupid to be taught under your tutelage” you mumble “since I seem to forget whatever you teach me, even when it’s 3 years ago... but ok”

“Y/N I-” he starts

“Oh save it Kuroo, I have studying to do” you say cutting him off

“But I-” he tries

“So Mori-chan COOH is the function group of ethyl ethonate right?” you ask ignoring your boyfriend who is now at a lost for words

“ummm yeah it is” says yaku who is clearly feeling heavily awkward at the tension in his bedroom.

Kuroo leaves and you and yaku finish off the studying for the night, you did feel a little bad for being a bit mean to Kuroo but it’s karma for him being a dick to you.

You wake up the next day ready for your exam which was first thing in the morning, before you hand in your phone you see a message from Kuroo,

Kuroo: I know you’re still mad at me, but I think you’re going to do so well on this test. You’re not stupid at all, you’re really smart and I love you < 3

Kuroo: Good luck Y/N

You don’t respond to the message but smile at the sincerity of it and thankful for the boost of confidence it gave you before you start your exam.

Finishing the exam with a smile, you were confident you did well as everything you and Yaku went over was on the paper and you’re almost certain you atleast got more than 75%. You have to wait an hour before your teacher can give you your results, so in the meantime you might aswell reconcile with Kuroo.

When you exit the classroom, standing there was Kuroo who seemed to have been waiting for you for the whole duration of the exam.

“So how was it?” Kuroo asked, apprenhensive as he assumed you would just ignore him like you did at Yaku’s house.

“It was fine, I think it went alright..” you say

“Kuroo”

“Y/N”

You say simultaneously, he pauses for a second to let you speak “I’m sorry I was being so stand offish when we were at Yaku’s I just wanted you to see I could do it on my own, and when you called me stupid I really took that to heart since you and I both know that Chemistry wasn’t ever my best subject”

“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, and since it was only a practice test I didn’t think you’d take it to heart but I am sorry I know you aren’t stupid.”

Before you got to say anything else, your Chemistry teacher exited the room with your chemistry paper in hand. Kuroo grabbed your hand anticipating your nerves and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Miss L/N” said your teacher “Well done on your chemistry test” he turned your test around to sure a perfect 100%. Both you and Kuroo gasped, you were elated to say the least you wanted to jump up and down in excitement but a PERFECT 100%.

“I’d also like to add that you have now got the top chemistry score in the school beating the previous title holder Kuroo Testurou” said your teacher, this made Kuroo open his mouth even wider in surprise nearly making you giggle at his response.

Your teacher took his leave, leaving you and Kuroo in the hallway “ I guess i’m the chemistry whizz now “ you say wiggling your eyebrows just as Kuroo did to you before at Yaku’s this made him chuckle as he came to put his arm around you.

“Y/N don’t get ahead of yourself now, you may have won this battle but I will win the war” he said smiling

In the final exam, you continue your winning streak also getting a near 100% and still beating Kuroo which didn’t matter to either of you, now you’re just like him cracking chemistry puns and jokes all the time which none of your friends appreciated but atleast Kuroo found them SODIUM funny.

AN: Please kill me for the last line of Kuroos, I didn’t really like Kuroo’s since it was a bit self indulgent with my hate for chemistry but what do you guys think?

#haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader comfort #haikyuu fluff #haikyu scenarios #haikyu headcanons #kenma angst #kenma fluff #kenma x you #kozume kenma #kenma scenario #kenma headcanons #kuroo x reader #kuroo imagine #kuroo scenarios #kuroo fluff #kuroo angst #kuroo tetsuro x reader #signedwithanE😌

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testudoaubrei-blog · 3 years ago

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Well, it’s not quite a master’s thesis, but this is (the first of) a series of posts on why Catra and Adora are the best love story in the history of kids TV animation and maybe the greatest love story in the history of TV. This may in some ways be faint praise - romance on TV is generally not very good compared with books or movies. Often it’s just some will they/won’t they sexual tension that is defused by getting characters together and re-heightened by breaking them up. TV is full of nearly shark jumping pointless dramas like Sam and Diane (Cheers, holy fuck am I dating myself, though that was technically before my time), Ross and Rachel (Friends, which was no Cheers) etc, but also some less annoying couples like Ben and Leslie (Parks and Rec) or Amy and Jake (Bk99) who are mostly just kind of cute and fun. Other shows, like the X-Files, teased viewers for years with unresolved sexual tension. In kids shows most romances are, appropriate for their target viewers, mild, sweet relationships based more on self-conscious flirting and blushing than on complex and conflicted feelings or deep passions - which is pretty realistic when the characters are young teens or even mid-teens. Some of these relationships are really well done - Finn and Flame Princess, Dipper and Pacifica (yeah I ship them), the early stages of Katara and Aang (before the showrunners imbued this childhood crush with cosmic significance), Steven and Connie, etc. Catra and Adora, though, are different. Their love story is not a side plot or a sub plot, it’s the heart of the show. It isn’t a childhood crush, it’s a very messy and passionate relationship between two young adults. She-Ra is an emotionally complex lesbian romance just as much as it is a thrilling action/adventure show. Everything about their relationship is baked into the show’s plot, its themes, hell even its musical score. The dramatic tension between Catra and Adora is not the result of stretching out a flirtation for ratings, but a coherent dramatic arc that runs through the entire show. As Noelle said, he made Catradora so central that execs couldn’t take it out without ruining the show. And the show is better for it. In this series of posts I’m going to try to show why, as well as showing why She-Ra is such a fantastic love story.

First off, let’s talk about how Catra and Adora’s character arcs are foils for each other, and how they come together and apart through the series. This is actually a post that I’ve been working on for a while but I keep summarizing the show rather than cutting to the chase, so I’m not going to recite many plot points so much as sketch out what’s going on with the dramatic structure at the time. But also, let’s talk about what each character’s arc is saying, and how they are commenting on each other. Spoiler alert: Catra’s arc is a subversion and critique of stories of empowerment through ruthless self-assertion and revenge, while Adora’s arc is a subversion and critique of chosen one narratives and stories of self-denial and self-transcendence.

When the show starts, Adora and Catra are shown as rivals and friends - their first scene starts the recurring motif of them reaching out for each other as one of them dangles above an abyss, as well as establishing their flirtatious banter and easy camaraderie. We quickly learn that these two young women plan to conquer the world together. These scenes and later flashbacks show Catra and Adora as deeply enmeshed in each others lives, to the point where neither of them (but especially Catra) have clear identities outside of one another. There is so much genuine love on both sides before Adora leaves, but also resentment, envy and fear, especially on Catra’s side, as well as a protectiveness on Adora’s side that deprives Catra of her autonomy. They are both being abused by Shadow Weaver - Catra physically and emotionally, Adora emotionally. It wouldn’t be too much to say that Shadow Weaver holds Catra hostage to control Adora (this is why critiques that Adora abandoned Catra to be abused are actually kind of messed up, since they accept Shadow Weaver’s premise that Adora is responsible for what Shadow Weaver does to Catra). In addition, Catra and Adora actually see the world incredibly differently. Adora already sees the world in terms of right, wrong and her destiny to right wrongs - this is why it’s important for her to accept the Horde’s obvious lies - she couldn’t keep living if she didn’t. Catra, on the other hand, sees the world solely in terms of survival and personal loyalty - everything for her is about preserving herself and the person she cares about - Adora.

Then, when Adora finds the sword, she leaves because it’s the right thing to do. Catra doesn’t even have a concept of ‘the right thing to do’ being something she should care about, or perhaps, something she can care about as an irredeemably evil, awful fuck-up. So at Thaymor neither one understands where the other is coming from, and Catra and Adora begin to part. This is the first turning point in their relationship. Adora chooses duty over what she desires, Catra chooses to protect herself (such as she sees it) and nurse her sense of betrayal and abandonment.

Their relationship until Promise is a kind of weird Frenemy thing that is fascinating to watch and sold me on the show. Neither one wants to fully admit to themselves that the other is now their enemy, neither one has given up on changing the other’s mind. Each is furious at the other, and desperate to see her again at the same time. There’s a lot of heartache and just as much sexual tension, especially at Princess Prom. Both of them come alive when they fight each other (more about that in a later post). But they’re already growing apart - Adora embracing her destiny as She-Ra, Catra rising in the ranks for the Horde. Adora now has the purpose she always wanted, plus other friends and a sense of being chosen to do something great, while Catra now has power - the means to protect herself from people like Shadow Weaver as well as the vindication she had always been denied, and even the opportunity to beat Shadow Weaver at her own game.

The next turning point is Promise. Holy fuck, this episode. It’s an episode that is even more heartbreaking after you’ve watched the show because you know just how much worse things are going to get, and yet, it’s a necessary part of both of their character arcs. Even through season 1 Catra and Adora had remained very much enmeshed in each others lives in an increasingly fucked up way as they grew apart but refused to turn away from each other. Even though they aren’t -exactly- a romantic couple (Adora doesn’t recognize and acknowledge her feelings until the last episode of Season 5), Season 1 of She-Ra is one of the worst breakups I have seen on TV. As I said in a couple of previous posts, this is the kind of shit that the Mountain Goats write songs about. Everything that was poisoning their love for each other even before episode 1 bubbles to the surface and combines with them fighting on opposite sides of the war to make a truly fucked up situation. In the end, it’s Catra that makes the choice to turn away from Adora. This isn’t a -good- decision. It’s spiteful, and destructive, and based on an outright deluded understanding of their relationship (inspired by Light Hope’s manipulations and her own issues), but it’s in some ways a necessary decision. Catra has been so wrapped up in Adora for so long that she isn’t going to be able to figure out who -she- is without cutting Adora out of her life. And the same is true of Adora.

But each of them do this in about the worst way possible. Catra embraces destruction, ambition, manipulation and outright cruelty, turning the tactics of her abusers against them and against everyone around her. She first triumphs over Shadow Weaver and manipulates Entrapta into trying to corrupt Etheria itself. Meanwhile Adora ‘lets go’ and commits herself to the self-denying mantle of She-Ra. Over the next several seasons, their respective paths will nearly lead both Catra and Adora to their deaths (in the Season 4 finale).

For the next season (counting season 2 and 3 as one) Catra and Adora are still closely linked, but as enemies. Still, there’s more than enough flirtation between them (that ‘Hey Catra’ in the first episode of Season 2 is something else), and especially on Adora’s side we see her hold back with Catra, and often take responsibility for the harm Catra inflicts, just like she had when they were kids. Yet they still drift apart - after facing off every other episode in Season 1, they spend less and less time on screen together through season 2 and 3. Catra continues her ascent to power and descent into villainy while Adora becomes more of a stressed out mess as she takes the fate of the world and the wellbeing of everyone she cares about on her admittedly broad shoulders. Catra’s one moment of vulnerability is rewarded by Shadow Weaver’s betrayal and her exile, then Catra triumphs in ruthless badass fashion through sheer desperation and aggression. In the Crimson Wastes, we see Catra at her most independent, and she almost seems happy. But once Adora shows up and Catra hears about Shadow Weaver, she’s sucked back into the worst of her resentments, and she makes very clear that being happy is less important to her than making sure Adora is miserable.

This changes everything. Catra completely breaks with reality and tries to kill Adora, herself and the world rather than lose to Adora and Shadow Weaver (I do think it’s important to remember that she does that after Shadow Weaver nearly kills her). Catra betrays everyone around her when she exiles Entrapta, threatens Scopria and lies to Hordak. Then she flips the switch. When Adora tries to fix things, Catra fights to her own death to make sure that the world disintegrates with her. For her part, Adora fights first to understand what is wrong with the world and then to fix it. Finally she tells Catra that destroying the world is her choice and she has to live with it, decks her, and then sees her off with a death glare once the portal is closed. With this, Adora writes Catra off even if, as she says later, she never never hated her. By doing that, Adora casts off the guilt that had dogged her and takes responsibility for her own life rather than someone else’s - this is actually a huge step for her, and one that will become more important in Season 4.

Season 4 is in many ways the nadir of their relationship. They only see each other once during the entire season, in Fluterrina, when Adora tries to blast Catra, much to the latter’s shock. There’s a sense in that scene that Catra is trying to have the same flirtatious enmity she used to have with Adora, and Adora is having none of it. Catra almost seems hurt by this, which is an early hint at how isolated Catra is beginning to feel. Catra spends the rest of the season at her highest and lowest. On the one hand she spends most of 12 episodes winning by every standard she has ever claimed to care about, besting Hordak himself in single combat and making herself co-ruler of the Horde and coming within a day’s march of ending the Rebellion. In many ways it is the ultimate empowerment fantasy - the abused young woman has defeated her abusers, showed up everyone who doubted her and forced everyone to respect her. But I think it’s striking that the show starts with her and Adora dreaming of conquering the world together and in Season 4 Catra nearly succeeds in conquering it alone, almost like she was trying to live out her old shared fantasy while proving she didn’t need her former best friend.

At the same time, Catra is clearly miserable. She’s always been unhappy, but in Season 4 we see her completely isolated and lying to herself and everyone who will listen in a desperate attempt to justify her actions. Turning the tactics of Hordak and Shadow Weaver against them to gain power and then against Scorpia and Entrapta to maintain it haven’t vindicated Catra, they’ve made her more and more alone as Entrapta is exiled and Scorpia drifts away. Meanwhile Catra reaches out to Double Trouble, and her interactions with them reek of a kind of desperate desire to have someone in her life (the feeling of their interaction is of an unhealthy casual relationship where one partner becomes emotionally invested and the other takes advantage of that while denying the other the closeness they desire). As people leave her, one after the other, it becomes clearer and clearer that Catra doesn’t want power at all - she wants connection, friendship, love, and power is a very poor replacement. As I said in my long Catra rant, Season 4 is both her ‘Walter White as a Catgirl’ season and the beginning of her redemption. Everything comes to head when Sparkles destroys everything Catra has tried to achieve, Double Trouble delivers those harsh truths and Horde Prime shows up and makes it all irrelevant, just highlighting how futile all her struggles and sacrifices and crimes have been.

Meanwhile Adora spends Season 4 becoming her own her and her own woman. After telling off Catra, she grows more and more disillusioned with Light Hope and critical of Glimmer (though the latter has more than a shade of her old habit of taking responsibility for others - Adora’s development is not linear). She’s gained the courage and confidence to strike out her own path, not just follow a destiny. At the season’s end she once again breaks with her best friend to do what is right, and discards the destiny that she was being prepared for. But in this case she isn’t chasing one packaged destiny for another, instead she’s making her own choice and literally shattering the thing that she thought gave her life purpose. It’s badass, and heartbreaking, and along with decking Catra and jumping after Catra into the abyss (see below) it’s the perfect Adora moment.

In many ways Season 5 starts with Catra and Adora farther apart than they have ever been. They aren’t even enemies anymore, they’re completely out of each other’s lives. And both Catra and Adora are lost at the beginning of Season 5 - Catra is useless and alone on Prime’s ship, completely defeated despite ostensibly being on the winning side, and she goes through the motions of her normal plotting without any particular conviction and none of her normal flair. Meanwhile Adora is even more miserable and self-destructive than usual, throwing herself at Horde Bots and working herself until she drops of exhaustion. In a very real way they both stay lost until they have a chance to help the other. Catra takes responsibility for what she’s done and what she can do, saves Glimmer (at least partly for Adora’s sake), apologizes to Adora, and sacrifices herself. Adora only seems to come alive when she decides to turn around, face Prime, and save the cat. And when she does, Catra and Adora’s arcs, which had separated so completely in season 4, come crashing back together to end the series.

Adora during Save the Cat is such a contrast with the uncertain, hesitant and self-destructive wreck we’ve seen so far in Season 5. This is possibly her craziest plan in 3 years of mostly cazy plans, but she never wavers or questions herself. Even when Chipped Catra appears and we see Adora’s heart break while we watch, Adora doesn’t back down or relent. She keeps at it even as the tears stream down her face. She fights better trying to save Catra without She-Ra’s powers than she fought at the Battle of Bright Moon with them. Catra’s just about as desperate - we see her cry and plead, and now is probably as good a time to any to point out how amazing a job both VAs did throughout the show, but especially in this episode, and how good a job the board artists did.

Seeing each other for the first time in a year, and only the second time since Catra blew everything up, Catra and Adora are probably the rawest and least restrained we’ve ever seen them. There’s barely any banter, no bravado, and no pretense that they are anything other than two women who desperately need each other (Prime doesn’t help with ‘You broke my heart’.) Then Catra is flung to her death, Adora jumps after her, breaks both her legs in the fall (we see her crawl to Catra, as though she couldn’t walk) and becomes the real She-Ra. It’s such a triumphant and deeply queer moment seeing a woman transformed into a warrior goddess to protect the woman she loves, and it’s the reason that, as dark as it is, Save the Cat is my Comfort Food episode.

Let’s not sleep on Taking Control, though. This episode is like a microcosm of what this show does best, especially the A plot with Catra and Adora. Catra’s reversion to lashing out at everyone and her refusal to be open to Adora shows just how much of a struggle this whole ‘being good and trying to connect to people’ thing is. Catra’s outburst gives Adora a chance to stand up for herself and refuse to be Catra’s punching bag, while also not trying to control her. Adora’s ultimatum gives Catra a chance to reach out to Adora (quite literally), and allow herself to be vulnerable. In this episode, we see just how far Catra and Adora have come since the messed up stew of their relationship in Season 1. Adora lets Catra be responsible for her own actions; Catra lets herself be vulnerable to Adora and takes responsibility for her actions. They’re both better people and better friends and better partners than they were, and the show has shown this in a strikingly nuanced and realistic way.

The important thing to note in the next few episodes of Season 5 isn’t just how much closer Catra and Adora get to each other and how much they flirt (So much. So much, y’all) but just how -happy- they are. We see both of them transformed in the other’s presence. Basically, since they’ve parted, both Catra and Adora have been defined in no small part by how miserable they often are. They have both had their triumphs and their lighter moments, but there’s been a sense of melancholy dogging both Catra and Adora since episode 1. And now that they’re together again, that lifts, somewhat. Catra’s verbal barbs have lost their venom, and she can openly show how much she cares for Adora and even Bow and Glimmer. She’s still herself - snarky, cynical, somewhat devious - but she’s not engaged in a self-destructive zero-sum struggle with everyone around her. Meanwhile Adora has spent 4 seasons being a neurotic and sometimes nearly joyless mess who takes responsibility for everything and often doesn’t let herself enjoy anything other than the odd BFS group hug (exceptions include trying to uh...impress Huntara and reveling with the butterfly ladies of Elberron in Flutterina). Around Catra, though, she’s a cocky, swaggering jock who gives as good as she gets. It’s a side of Adora we’ve only seen hints of before, and one that’s so much more confident and joyful even as the world is ending around her. Apart, Catra had tried to protect and vindicate herself with power and conquest, while Adora had tried to forget herself in duty and sacrifice. Together, they can be themselves again. This dynamic is crucial to the show’s portrayal of Catra and Adora’s romance because it doesn’t just show how much they love each other, but how they’re -good- for each other now that they’ve grown as people, and that they are so much better than they were when they were apart.

Until Shadow Weaver shows up. Their old abuser reintroduces tensions but even then things are different than they were. Now Catra isn’t just resentful of how Shadow Weaver prefers Adora - she’s protective of Adora, which is clearest in Failsafe when she calls Shadow Weaver out for being willing to sacrifice Adora. And while Adora takes the Failsafe, it isn’t to follow her destiny or because she has a death wish - it’s because she loves her friends, and she is the only one who has any hope of doing this and living (though Catra’s suggestion that Shadow Weaver take it is a good one). And finally, when Catra leaves Adora, it isn’t because she hates Adora, nor, despite what she says, is it because she really thinks that Adora chose Shadow Weaver. At least, not exactly. It’s because Catra loves Adora, and can admit that to herself, and can’t stay around and watch the woman she loves sacrifice herself rather than choosing Catra. Before Catra leaves, she asks Adora ‘What do you want?” It’s a question that echoes Shadow Weaver’s speech in Episode 1: ‘isn’t this what you always wanted since you could want anything?’ As much as Adora has grown as a person, and defined herself and stood up for what she thinks is right, she still has never answered that question - it’s never been ‘what do I want’ but ‘what do I have to do?’ and that’s how Adora answers Catra’s question. This is Adora’s last gasp as a self-transcending hero, letting go of what she wants (not that she ever dared articulate what that was) in order to do what must be done. And it nearly kills her and dooms the universe, because Adora can’t be the hero that she needs to be by being anyone less than herself.

But it’s losing Catra that inspires Adora to tell off Shadow Weaver for good (not that she’d ever really warmed to her after season 1). And it’s love for Adora that inspires Catra to stand up to Shadow Weaver and demand that she do the right thing. In both cases, Catra and Adora aren’t just standing up to their abuser, but holding her to account for the harm she’s caused, and it’s the love that they have for each other that inspires them to do this. In Catra’s case in particular her refusal to let Shadow Weaver weasel out of finding Adora is a much greater triumph over Shadow Weaver than beating her up and breaking her mask in Season 1 - it’s proof not so much to Shadow Weaver but to Catra herself that Catra really is better than this and that she deserves better than this. It’s not turning her abuser’s tactics against her, but truly holding her to a moral standard and demanding that she do the right thing.

And then there’s Catra and Adora together at the heart. Catra has already come back for Adora and stayed to the end, choosing to die with her even if she can’t share a life together (not out of some death wish, but because Adora needs her). And Adora, who’s been avoiding answering the question for three fucking years, finally let’s herself want Catra when Catra finally confesses her love (breaking the last of her self-protective shields) and asks Adora to stay -for her-. And by admitting what she wants, Adora can truly be at peace with herself and be the hero she needs to be, lesbianism saves the universe, The End.

So anyway, that’s how Catra and Adora’s stories are woven together and how they compliment and comment on each other. Narrativiely, Adora and Catra start together, come apart, find something of themselves, and truly find themselves and each other when they are reunited. Thematically, they are critiquing seemingly opposing narrative tropes - empowerment narratives and narratives of self sacrifice. But by showing the flaws in both types of story and showing how neither self-seeking empowerment nor self-negating self sacrifice can actually make us happy, She-Ra asks and answers more profound questions than most prestige dramas for adults do. I’ll get into how the show sells the idea that the power of love can bring us happiness (and save the world) in a future post. But next up, I’m going to celebrate just how much Catra and Adora’s relationship revels in ambiguity, complexity and contradiction and so tells a grown up love story in a kid’s show.

#she ra #she ra spoilers #she ra adora #spop #catradora #she ra netflix #she ra and the princesses of power #goat ship #long #meta

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noteguk · 4 years ago

Text

hickeys | jjk | m | drabble

[ ! ] this is a “bad influence” drabble

— summary; Jungkook gets a bit jealous. Not that he’d ever admit it.

— contents and warnings; pwp, smut, the endless adventures of badboy!jk x goodgirl!reader, enemies with benefits, jealousy/possessiveness!!, kind of angry sex (it’s one-sided, jk is going through a Moment), unprotected sex, marking (hickeys, mentions of bruises), dirty talk, overstimulation, creampie, mentions of oral (f rec) and of cum eating, jk has a big dick, the oc being clueless but overall having a good time

— words; 2,2k

— author’s note; this was supposed to be shorter but, well, that’s the story of my life. A few people asked for a bit of jealous!jk so here I am to deliver it 😌 Inspired by this ask I got.

Jungkook hated the wintertime. He hated the fact that you no longer used skirts because of the cold weather, hated that you had to go away for a few weeks because of winter break and, above all, hated those stupid turtlenecks you wore.

Not because you didn’t look good in them — in fact, he had grown to appreciate them over the weeks, the way they made your breasts pop out and how your body felt so comfortable and warm against his — but because it became extremely easy for you to cover up the hickeys he gave you. Which completely missed the point of even having hickeys in the first place.

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing?” You asked him, fingers pulling slightly on the messy strings of his dark hair. Jungkook was hovering above you in bed, his mouth glued to the skin of your neck, sucking on the flesh. He simply moaned in response, hoping that the roll of his hips against yours would make you shut up. Which obviously didn’t happen. “You better not be doing it.”

Jungkook pulled away from your skin with a pop!, watching the blossoming red that appeared close to your jaw. It would be hard to cover up that one. “And what if I am?” He smirked, placing a kiss against your lips. His cock was deep inside you, and it was incredibly difficult to argue with him when he was fucking you so well. Not that it would stop you from trying. “What are you going to do about it?”

You playfully hit him on the shoulder, the frown on your face only making him smile wider. “You’re such a jerk, I’m going to spend all the concealer I have left with this one,” you complained, and Jungkook hummed and leaned back towards your neck, resuming his devilish ministrations. Only one hickey wouldn’t be enough, Jungkook realized, he wanted you to go out to buy more makeup for that. “What’s the deal with you today?” You tried again.

Jungkook’s irritated groan vibrated throughout your skin, his hands tightening around your hips as a flame of anger sparked inside his chest. His deal was that you had cancelled on him at least three times last week to go out with some stupid guy named Jimin from your Wednesday afternoon class. He knew that he shouldn’t care about it — you two were obviously not exclusive, barely even a thing, and you didn’t seem to give a single fuck when he told you about one of the girls that he was going out with. And yet there he was: pissed off out of his mind because someone else might have interest in you, fucking you hard into the mattress because he wanted you to remember that no one could be as good as he was.

There was also a second layer of indignation when it came to that subject: Jungkook was frustrated with himself because he was balls deep inside your pussy and he couldn’t even focus on it without thinking about your stupid date. It was the fourth week of the semester, he hadn’t seen you for the entirety of winter break, and it was the first time that he was fucking you in your bed (since your roommate was out in some idiotic spiritual retreat). He could actually have you for as long as he wanted, as loud as he wanted, not a single worry about being interrupted. And how was he using that time? Being jealous of a guy he barely even knew, just because he took you out for coffee or whatever.

It really wasn’t his best moment.

“Jungkook, that’s so good,” you cried out, sucking him out of his thoughts. Jungkook grunted at the desperate tone of your voice, his name sounding so perfect coming from your mouth, and he just wanted to hear more of it. His cock was slipping in and out of you with ease, your wetness dripping down his length, and he forced himself to pay attention to you for the rest of the night. “I’m getting close.”

“Yeah?” Jungkook groaned and pressed his forehead against yours — he could tell that already from the way you were tightening so perfectly around him, hugging his cock like you were meant to take it. “You like when I fuck your pussy like this, baby?”

“Y-Yeah, I love it.” You closed your eyes, back arching off the bed as he continued to drill his fat cock in and out of you. No matter how many times he gave it to you, you couldn’t get used to the incredible pressure of his girth against your walls, filling you up so perfectly. “Feels so good…”

“Is this all for me baby?” Jungkook finished his sentence with a particularly hard slam of his hips against yours — you didn’t even need to ask him to fuck you rougher, he already knew that was what you wanted. His eyes were a deep dark storm, glued to your parted lips as you moaned out for him, your perfect little cunt pulsating around him. Jungkook could only think about how wonderful you felt, how he couldn’t find someone better even if he tried. “Is this pussy mine? Was it made for me?”

Jungkook was fucking you so well that you could not help but nod, a pathetic whimper tearing itself from your throat as your hands fumbled to hold onto the nape of his neck. Your nails scratched his skin, the sensation making him groan.

“Yeah, it’s yours.” You said it because you knew that it was all pretend, all his weird possessiveness that he only showed when he was hitting that deep inside you. Jungkook also knew that it was bullshit — but he allowed himself to dive into that fantasy as he felt himself throb inside you. “Fuck, Jungkook, I’m really close.”

But he didn’t relent. Jungkook shoved his head on the curve of your neck, grunting as he quickened his pace in and out of you. He could feel your thighs trembling, your pussy fluttering around him, and yet it didn’t feel like it was enough. “Say it again,” he roared, hands digging to the flesh of your hips. It would leave a mark, both of you were aware of that, and yet there was a shared sense of wonder when you saw the purple bruises that he would leave behind. “Say that it’s mine.”

“This pussy is yours, Jungkook,” you whined, head pressed hard against the soft pillows. At that point, you’d say and do anything he asked you to. “O-Only yours.”

“Good girl,” he praised, his voice hoarse and deep as sin. Jungkook was drilling into you like a madman, hoping that the ache between your legs would be enough to remind you of him, of what he could do to you. He wanted you to keep that in the back of your head next time you had to pick between him and some other dude who wouldn’t know how to treat you. “All mine, this is all mine. Made for me.”

He quickly got lost in his own praises, mind whitening out at the pleasure that monopolized his body. When you came around him, just as perfectly as you had many times before, Jungkook felt a wave of pride washing over him. It pierced its sharp teeth in his flesh, sucked him out of his worries — suddenly he didn’t give a shit about Jimin from your Wednesday class, because he knew that no amount of stupid coffee dates would ever equate to the way he had you. It was just a matter of time before you realized that as well.

He felt you shivering beneath him, the way you always did when your pleasure was starting to become a bit too much. Jungkook leaned back so he could see your face, that blushy mess that got him sinking deeper inside you, the thin veil of tears that swam over your unfocused eyes. He would bet real money that Jimin from Wednesday class wouldn’t get you like that in a million years. Not that he was jealous or anything. It was just a fact.

“J-Jungkook, that’s too much,” you whined.

And he knew that it was, but he also wanted you to feel it all, and wanted you to cum around him as many times as you could. After all, you finally had some alone time, so he was definitely going to make good use of it.

“Take it for me, baby,” he asked breathlessly, the rising pitch of his voice signaling that he was close too. Jungkook could feel his own orgasm growing closer, building up at the base of his spine and tugging at his balls, threatening to overflow. “Because I’m not done with you yet.”

You bit your lip, fighting against a sob as he continued his frantic movements. You wanted to be good for him, wanted to fight through that sensitivity for him. But sometimes it was hard to focus, and the space between the pain and the pleasure could be a bit too long sometimes. “A-Are you close?” You asked.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter,” he spat. Jungkook’s eyes zeroed in on your own, watching as a coat of desperation painted your features. “What’s the matter, baby? You don’t wanna get eaten out after I’m done here?”

“God, Jungkook,” you said. If you weren’t so lost in the afterglow of your orgasm, you’d probably argue with him further, perhaps try and ask for the millionth time what had possessed him. But you seriously couldn’t be bothered with any more arguments and your brain wasn’t fully functional yet, so you settled for a quick and objective, “Are you trying to kill me?”

Jungkook chuckled, lowering himself so he could place a kiss against your lips. “I'm trying to make you feel good. Let me eat my cum out of you, baby,” he teased, feeling as your walls pulsated around him at the idea. The fact that he hadn’t cum yet was a miracle on its own, because he had been about to tip over for a while now. “Unless you want to keep it inside you.”

The interesting part was that Jungkook didn’t fully understand his second option until it had spilled from his lips. Now that it had been spoken out loud, manifested into the universe if you will, it made his cock throb with the mental imagery of you walking around stuffed with his cum, making other guys think they had a chance when you were already his. He’d seriously have to try that sometime.

Before he could stop himself, his hooded eyes centralized on the hickeys he had embellished your neck with, and his marking was enough to make him spill himself inside you, painting your walls with waves of his warm cum. Jungkook called out what sounded like a broken version of your name, throwing his head back and listening to the wonderful whimpers you were producing for him. Just for him.

At that point, both of you were considering buying your roommate something as a way to thank her for her wonderful idea of a spiritual retreat.

Jungkook breathed out hard and removed his cock from your pussy, watching as the white liquid dripped between your glistening folds, accumulating on the sheets. If you weren’t so exhausted, you’d probably have yelled at him for ruining your mattress.

“Have you made up your mind?” He asked, flickering his gaze up at you. You were such a pretty mess, and he lived for the fact that it was all because of him. “Wanna keep it in or want me to eat it out?”

Honestly, he realized there was no wrong choice and, yet, he wanted to know what you would pick.

You bit your lip and, after a moment of hesitation, you answered. “Eat it out,” you said.

Jungkook smirked, lowering his head between your legs. “Good girl.”

Jungkook saw you wearing a scarf the next day and he wanted to smack himself across the face for not considering that possibility. It hid all his efforts to mark you, didn’t make you nervous talking to other people. He could see from the faint coat of sweat on your face that you were feeling hot, but he also saw you smirking at him enough times to know that you were planning to endure that for as long as necessary. He was stupid to believe he’d actually get what he wanted for once: it had been too easy.

He really fucking hated the wintertime.

Check out the rest of the bad influence collection!

Taglist: @youurkryptonite @taehyungieskith @fan-ati��c @btstrasht @crazy4myself @sashimi-mochi @ft-multi @kooafraid @dianaaviny @ggukkieland @cryinginmypromdress @kissestothesky

#bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bad influence #bad boy jungkook #pwp #drabble #smut #jungkook pwp #bts #jeon jungkook #bts x you #bts x reader #reader insert

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