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bangtae-sohotddaeng · 4 years ago

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we’ll be counting stars | k.th. | 3

(^ gif cred: ON THE VOYAGE | pinterest)

pairing: idol!Taehyung x publisher!Reader

rating: nc-17 (for language and themes)

summary: You’d sworn off love and relationships forever. You were here to do your job - work with the biggest boyband of the world. Not forge friendships and...and whatever it was that you and Taehyung were building up with these sneaky glances. It was, to be very fair, your Chief Editor’s fault that you’d landed in this mess. Maybe you should quit your job? Maybe you should quit life -

Oh, he was staring again, and did he freaking lick his lips?

warnings: swearing (reader’s got a potty mouth) + this is set like 5 years in the future + reader has emotional issues, she's a relationship phobe + mentions of weed

genre: so much ANGST ugh + fluff + comedy + some crack

words: 5 k

note: hey, y'all. so last month i went on a new year's trip to my boyfriend's city (yes, covid has forced us into an ldr, fml) and got too occupied in all the celebrations and reunions, and this got delayed. also, you might have noticed how the chapters progressively grow wordier, lmao i'd been confused. but i think i've found the perfectly comfortable number now. expect this length from now on. thank you for reading~💜

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gimme feedback, much much appreciated!

You were, to be very honest, a complete mess at this point.

You hadn’t been quite certain as to what to expect when you’d picked Jungkook’s name out of the bowl in your office, but you could say with certainty that it hadn’t been even close to this.

This boy was brimming with ideas! You hadn’t been able to get a single sentence in the midst of his own enthusiastic chatter, with words and ideas folding and layering all over each other. All you had done was nod, mumble words of agreement and appreciation—that you were pretty sure he didn’t even hear—and type it all. Freaking typing. So much typing.

So basically, the entirety of yesterday spent fussing over the repertoires to ensure that the list of tasks for the first set of three weeks were well-constructed had led to this—not being able to so much as tell him about the questions your team had so meticulously framed! You felt irked, amused, exasperated, exhausted, and at the same time, really fucking lost.

How were you supposed to interrupt him without disrespecting him? You didn’t have a great amount of tact and usually just cut to the chase. Which was generally an appreciated quality in your profession, because no writer wanted to be just lathered with compliments to later find out his work was actually bullshit that no one wanted to read. But this situation was different. You felt pressured, nervous and out of your element. Because you really had no idea how to respectfully stop this guy from making a mess of all your hard work.

He was Jeon freaking Jungkook of BTS, for God’s sake!

How could you shut him up?

You were both in Jungkook’s personal studio in the BTS dorm. The boy was seated on a couch across the coffee table from your own, literally swimming in a trillion size bigger t-shirt and some loose sweatpants. His hair floof-ed all over the place as he spoke, bubbling and bursting with enthusiasm. Which he was doing a lot of. Speaking, that is.

For the better part of two hours now, you’d been listening to him go on and on about what all he wanted to include in the book. Your fingers were nearly cramping with all the typing, but you’d promised the guys no recorders and you didn’t wanna miss anything he said. But it was freaking difficult with the speed he was going at!

And also with the mess and reluctance in your own head. You were used to pulling the reins with writers. This situation was making you feel incompetent.

You hadn’t even touched your list, yet. What would your teammates think of you if their very team leader failed to finish with the assigned data collection and messed up the team’s hard work? Ugh!

Currently, Jungkook was having you make a list of all the people he needed to talk about in the book.

“And there was this boy my age, Ji-Hyun, he was so much better than me at everything! It is him, truly, that I credit my overachieving traits to. I had to work so, so hard—oh! Please also note down Mun-Hee’s name! She was the best dancer in my entire school. So… wait, where was I?” He looked up at you with wide big, round eyes.

You opened your mouth to speak—was this when you asked him to shut up? It had to be, right, because this was the first time he’d actually prompted you to speak.

You meant to take your shot, but then stopped. You blinked. Looked back at your laptop. Blinked again.

You were so confused, right now. “Uh, Ji-Hyun was better than you—”

“Oh yes!” Jungkook exclaimed, launching off into a detailed story about how and in what respects, exactly, this guy was better than Jungkook.

You shut your eyes. This had gone beyond “taking notes” and was quickly turning into Jungkook enthusiastically reminiscing his childhood and freaking telling you tales about it. And he seemed to be enjoying himself so thoroughly, looking so adorable, that it felt very wrong to ask him to stop even when you tried to avoid the added pressure of him being a whole ass idol.

But you had actual work to do. And you were leading a team. You couldn’t act so unprofessionally.

In hindsight, maybe you shouldn’t have told the boys that this was going to be like “making friends.” Jungkook seemed to have taken it too literally.

Biting down on your lip, you cleared your throat. He didn’t acknowledge it. Sighing, you shut your laptop. “Jungkook?”

This time, he stopped mid-word, looking at you with his lips rounded in a pout, sparkling eyes turning into saucers.

Now, you were in no way attracted to the guy, but you really could not deny how freaking cute he looked in the moment.

“All okay?” he asked, looking at you and then the shut laptop on your lap.

You took a deep breath, winced a little, and then shook your head. “No, Jungkook. We need to pause…” You had to stop speaking when his face crumpled. “Whoa…um?”

Jungkook slumped in his place, shoulders sinking. “I’ve been giving horrible ideas, haven’t I?”

Your eyes widened. “What? No! Absolutely not! That isn’t the case, I was…”

He wiped his face with both his hands before looking at you with really sad eyes, all enthusiasm from some time ago washed away. “Then what? You can tell me, it’s okay.”

Now. You prided yourself to be a practical human being who strived to be as straightforward in her life as possible. But right now, you really could not stop yourself from lying your way out of this one. You decided to blame it on the fear of upsetting a client, and not the impossible-to-control empathy that Jungkook’s doe eyes seemed to naturally draw out of people.

“I just need a coffee. It’s been a while, my hands need a break. And my brain’s kinda overwhelmed, too,” you expertly lied, relaxing when Jungkook’s eyebrows lifted.

“We’ve been sitting here for long, haven’t we?” he said in an almost guilty tone before standing up. “And I didn’t even show you around the dorm!”

You tried to tell him how it was really not necessary, not to mention a bit too personal and…not what you were here for? But he was already moving towards the door and beckoning you along.

“Come on, let’s drop by the kitchen and then we’ll take a walk around the property!” he enthusiastically announced.

You stood up and followed him out of the room, awkwardly trying to ignore the two bodyguards that had stood as still as mannequins while you were in the room and then started to follow Jungkook wordlessly as you left.

The walk to the kitchen was a short one, and the place was, unsurprisingly, not empty.

Your team members along with their partnered BTS members had been assigned one particular space in the dorm, each. According to the email you received last evening, the kitchen was supposed to be used by Simon and—

“Taehyungie-hyung! Are those chicken burgers?” Jungkook excitedly rounded the kitchen island to peek into the paper bag Taehyung was fiddling with. “They smell so good…”

You looked from Jungkook’s face that was awash with childlike excitement to Taehyung’s, and your breath caught when you found his eyes already trained on you. While you struggled to formulate a coherent thought at the intensity his eyes seemed to be emanating, yet again, his lips slipped into an easy smile.

“Hello!” he greeted you cheerily, bowing his head.

You, dazedly, bowed back and dragged your feet up to the island, standing across from the two guys. “Hey,” you mumbled in English.

His smile widened further to show his teeth. “Food?” he asked you in English, nodding at the burger Jungkook was pulling out of the bag.

You shook your head. “No, coffee,” you responded in Korean, earning raised eyebrows from him.

“I hate coffee.”

You smiled, this time. “You’re missing out.”

“Can I call you by your name?” he asked out of the blue, and you did a double take.

“Uh…yes?” you stammered. “Yes, of course Taehyung-ssi.”

“You should call me Tae.”

You swallowed, continually nodding your head like a damn puppet. “Yes. Tae. Sure.”

“I’m bac—boss?”

You twisted on your heels at the familiar squeak. “Simon, hi,” you mumbled, professionalism slipping over you in the blink of an eye at having a member of your team in your vicinity. “Where did you wander off to?”

Simon seemed to be sweating a bit, and you really couldn’t really tell why. You’d just asked a simple question.

Maybe you’d become too scary…

“Just the loo,” Simon responded with a forced giggle.

You nodded, giving him a long look and observing how his smile grew progressively weirder. Then you turned back to the island. And nearly choked.

Taehyung’s fringe hung over his eyes, making his eyes look that much more hooded. His lips were twisted up as he watched you.

Oh, dear God, did this guy have a crush on you or something? But how? Why?

He was a bonafide Greek God, and you were…well. Not.

And needless to say, he was literally not allowed to have a crush on you. Or anybody else, for that matter. It was against BigHit’s policies. According to what you’d read, the boys were to wait out one more year, as of now, before indulging in any sort of romance.

You were, by contract, also bound to not encourage any such advancements. Not that smiling at you could be considered one, to be honest. He could very well be trying to make friends, and you could be reading too much into it.

You decided to stop thinking so much.

“You want to eat something?” Jungkook asked as he handed you a cup of brew.

You smiled and shook your head. “I don’t eat at work. None of us do.” You eyed Simon and he nodded with his gaze wide. “Disturbs the momentum.”

“Hey, you shouldn’t consider this strictly work,” Taehyung spoke up in that deep ass voice of his, startling you. “We’re also making friends, here. This is also not your office, but our home.”

And then he grinned at you with all of his teeth. You felt your cheeks heating up.

This was not going according to plan.

You were panicking.

Flashing Taehyung a close-lipped smile, you stepped away from the counter. “Um, Jungkook?” you mumbled. “D’you guys have a pool in the house?”

Jungkook looked surprised but as enthusiastic as ever. He nodded, his hair bouncing all over. “Come on!”

Throughout your walk around the house, you had tried to slip in ideas from your first three week’s layout to Jungkook that would fascinate him enough to make him at least want to hear them out. And, you’d proudly like to claim, it had worked.

Jungkook had heard your plans and had even asked you to pull the list up on your laptop to have a look at it. And henceforth, you’d made tremendous progress.

And now, at nearly nine o’clock of the night, you and your team were taking your leave for the day.

You had exchanged brief words with all the members to see how they found their partners. Currently, you were conversing with Yoongi.

“ARMYs know a lot about all of that,” the guy said, referring to his life before BTS. “But there’s still a lot that they don’t. I talked to Nathan about all of it, we made notes. I’m really excited about the book.”

You gave him a professional grin. “I couldn’t be happier! Nathan’s got a really innovative mind. I’m sure he’ll make this a good experience for you.”

Nodding, Yoongi wished you a good night and bowed. You bowed back, moving away from the building and towards the vans waiting to drive you back to your hotel.

Jimin flashed you a wide grin as you got into the car. “Have a good night,” he wished you, shutting the door like a gentleman. Then he peeked and waved at Areum, your team member assigned to him. “See you tomorrow, Areum-ssi!”

Namjoon followed suit with a hand forwarded through the window for you to shake. “How did today go for you?” he asked you in English, causing Hoseok to elbow Jungkook, probably asking the younger to eavesdrop. Jungkook’s eyes met yours, though, and the two of you shared a covert giggle. “Did we meet your expectations?”

You smiled, formally. “It was… a good introduction of sorts, I’d say. Highly informative. Moderately productive. And we didn’t have any expectations, per se, but my team really loved you guys. We’re super excited to be working with you.”

You looked around yourself, prompting the three team members seated with you to nod in agreement. “Likewise!” Namjoon nodded at you, his smile turning his eyes to crescent moons.

“Thank you. How was your experience with Sana?” you asked him, nudging the girl sitting next to you.

Namjoon grinned with his teeth. “Amazing! She’s really compassionate and driven. Today’s session was interesting and felt comfortable. I’m eagerly looking forward to more.”

You secretly exhaled in relief. Sana had been the one person on your team that you’d been the most worried about. It was good to learn that she’d managed to impress Namjoon despite her initial nerves.

Next to you, she gave a short, very professional chuckle, and leant by you to nod at Namjoon. “Thank you, Namjoon-ssi.”

“Have a safe journey and a good night,” Namjoon wished you before peeking into the car. “Bye, Sana! See you tomorrow!”

You waved at the boys and their manager as your van started to move. You looked behind to check that the other one, carrying the remaining three members of your team, was following closely behind.

“What a day!” Simon exclaimed from his seat opposite you.

“You can say that again,” you mumbled, massaging your temples. “And what was up with you? You looked really wound up when I saw you in the kitchen.”

Simon took his glasses off and rested his head against the back of the van’s seat. “Let’s just wait it out, boss. I’ll tell you later if I absolutely have to. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

You frowned, but let him be.

Today was just the first day. If you stuck to your schedule, you would have a hundred and twenty five more of these before this project was done.

You could do it.

Right?

You, as it turned out by the end of the first week, could do it. The same couldn’t be said about Simon, though.

On Saturday night, barely an hour after you’d all retired to your rooms after dinner, Simon sent an SOS to the group chat. The six of you were in his room within a minute.

“You look physically okay,” Nathan, the only other guy on the team, mumbled as he squinted at the bespectacled nervous wreck. “What’s up?”

“I can’t do this anymore!” Simon blurted out.

All eyes immediately landed on you.

You did a double take. “Come again? You can’t do what anymore?”

He sighed, shrinking into himself as Riya, another member of your team, sleepily sat on one corner of his bed. “You can’t quit the project, Si,” she mumbled, patting his shoulder. “You signed a contract.”

Simon’s wide eyes met yours. You raised your eyebrows.

“Then—then I need a different partner.”

Sana clicked her tongue. “No can do. We’ve all worked on our homeworks. No one’s gonna sacrifice theirs for you.”

You agreed, so you stayed quiet when Simon looked at you in hopes of a counter.

“I can’t go into another week, please! It’s…” Simon trailed off with a helpless expression on his face.

You sighed. “Everyone, out.”

Your team trickled out of the room, tossing curious glances and hushed whispers your way.

“What is it?” you questioned Simon when it was just the two of you.

“He’s too intense. I have a huge crush on him.”

Your jaw fell open. “Dude… I… what? You have a fiance!”

He exhaled. “Yeah, he cheated on me.”

You drew a sharp breath, shocked. “Oh. Oh, my God, what? What the hell’s been going on with you, I’m so sorry, Simon. Are you…okay? When did you find out?”

“I’d been suspicious for a whole week, hoping it’d turn out to be a lie.” He sighed. “Guess not. But, don’t worry.” He waved a dismissive hand. “I’ll deal with it, no big deal. It’s happened before. I’ve done it before, too, that’s not the issue. The problem is that, right now, this is all making me wanna kiss Taheyung. What the fuck do I do, boss?”

You sympathised with the guy and felt responsible, in a way. After all, you’d been the one that forced him to propose to his boyfriend so that you could bring him with you on this project. If only you knew what kind of a toxic pair these two were! Goddammit.

But, this guy was really telling you he couldn’t focus on work properly because he wanted to kiss Taehyung? For real?

What a guy.

“Get a fucking grip, Simon, what else?” you exclaimed, throwing your arms up.

“No, I can’t. Don’t you think I have tried, already? Please take me off this project before I fuck things up for all of us and the company.” He shut his eyes, rubbing his face with both his palms. “And I’ve also, technically, broken the contract, so… Ask Boss to send someone else in.”

Was this happening for real? You were caught between wanting to smash the glass vase kept next to you over Simon’s head, and hurling yourself over the balcony.

You inhaled deeply, then exhaled. You could, realistically, do neither of the above. So you thought clinically and professionally, and made the sound decision to burden your boss with this mess instead of trying to sweep it under the rug by yourself.

“Fine.” You cleared your throat. “Take a break tomorrow. I’ll have a word with Manager Woo, he’ll talk to Taehyung. Tomorrow’s a Sunday, so I’ll be calling Boss for the first weekly check-in. I’ll ask her if something can be done to replace you on the team.”

Simon nodded with a grimace, which may have been his attempt at trying to smile.

You retired to your room on heavy feet. How could things go south in a week? You had barely begun and a buckload of bullshit was on you already.

Exhaling, you opened your laptop to leave a mail for Manager Woo. Quoting a personal emergency, you drafted an apologetic letter stating Simon’s absence tomorrow and asked the man to forward your apologies to Taehyung as well. At the same time, you were also mentally seasoning yourself for a possible confrontation with Taehyung when you went in tomorrow.

You’d just put your laptop away when your phone rang. Frowning, you lifted it up, only to silent the ring with a groan.

Ever since you landed in Seoul, your best-friend cum roommate back at home had taken to giving you a call every single night. Even when you didn’t pick up. Ever.

Every morning you would text him an apology, and every night he would call again. It’d been a week to this pattern, now.

Why was he doing this? You’d made it abundantly clear that you weren’t going to get roped into any kind of affair with him—emotional or physical. What did he want, now?

For a second, you wondered if he was maybe only just concerned about your well-being in a foreign country? But then you dismissed it, immediately. Why would he? What had you ever done to deserve his—or anyone’s, really—concern? You were a bitch to the majority of people in your life, without trying and even meaning to. Why would anyone give a fuck about you without ulterior motives, right?

Lying back on your pillows, you looked at the ceiling.

You’d been absolutely horrible at treating people with compassion and care for the majority of your life. You were always labelled either too prudish, too selfish, too career-oriented, or plainly, too narcissistic by people around you.

And, strangely enough, it never bothered you.

But that didn’t mean you had not cared about anyone, ever. You had. Too much too, once upon a time. But what had that left you with? Expectations and hurt.

So then, wasn’t it better to not care at all, and not expect at all? You never got hurt, this way.

Sighing, you rolled over to your side, tugging the covers up to your chin. Lifting up your phone from the nightstand, you turned it to silent.

An unread message was displayed on the locked screen:

Looks like you went to bed early again, lol. Hope you’re safe, warm and relaxed. Have a good day at work tomorrow xo

You sighed, yet again. You did not need anyone’s hugs and kisses for your day to be good. Why couldn’t people take a hint?

Shutting your eyes, you tried to get some sleep.

You were absolutely not surprised when, barely an hour into a fierce discussion about his school life, you and Jungkook were disturbed by a knock on the door. But Jungkook was, and jumped at the loud rapping, his wide eyes flashing to the door.

Your back being to the doorway, you looked at the boy expectantly to inform you of the intruder. Not that you didn’t already know.

Jungkook didn’t say anything, though, and simply kept looking behind you with raised eyebrows and rounded eyes. You sat very tightly wound up, contemplating whether to peek around the sofa’s high back or to stand up, when a deep, heavy voice enunciated your name.

You stood up, slowly, pulling on a professional frown of very minute concern on your face. You willed yourself to act surprised when your eyes met a timid looking Taehyung’s. And, you actually slightly were, too. Why did he seem so shifty and nervous?

“Hello, Tae,” you wished, formally bowing to greet him.

He bowed back, licking his lips as he stood back straight up. “May I please borrow you for a few minutes?”

You twisted on your heels to look at Jungkook. It took him a few seconds to focus on your stare and recognise the question. “Oh! Sure! Of course! I’ll be here, I’ll wait.”

Nodding in gratitude, you stepped out of the studio to join Taehyung in the lounge area attached to the kitchen.

“I know what you would ask—”

“Have I not been cooperating well with Simon?” Taehyung cut you off with a question you were not expecting.

You frowned. “What makes you say that? He had a personal emergency today, Tae, that’s all! I’m sure he must be having a great time working with you.”

Taehyung sighed. “You think, or you know?”

How were you supposed to answer that? You bit your lip, trying to read Taehyung’s eyes, but the collar-bones peeking above the wide neckline of his oversized, brown t-shirt kept distracting you. On some level, you could understand what Simon must have been facing. But! You were all supposed to be professional adults and quell any unprofessional thoughts and not foster them!

You turned your face to your feet, not missing the wide-legged, knee-length shorts Taehyung wore. You mentally cursed yourself.

His sigh floated over to you. “I hope it isn’t something I did. I know I can seem a bit overwhelming sometimes and uninterested at other times, but… I am excited for this project and I really want to give it my best, too.” His eyes looked pained when you met them again. You softened. “Please tell me the truth.”

You drew in a breath. “It’s just as I told you, Tae. Simon has to sort some issues out in his personal life. And what makes you think you’re too overwhelming or uninterested? Did Simon say something?”

“No, no!” Taehyung immediately shook his head. “I just…speak from previous experiences. I don’t collaborate with people that well. I tire them out. And Simon… I don’t think we like each other’s approach very much. I feel like he doesn’t really agree with my ideas, just goes along out of courtesy.”

Your lips turned downwards. “I’m sure it’s none of that, Tae. Absolutely positive. And if worse comes to worst and the two of you actually aren’t able to work together, we will arrange for a switch-up so that you’re able to work comfortably.”

Taehyung seemed to perk up at that. “Switch-up? Will you work with me?”

You narrowed your eyes. He seemed a bit too keen about wanting to work with you, didn’t he? You could very clearly recall your first meeting and how he’d seemed to wane when you told him you were paired up with Jungkook.

Curious.

“We’ll see how it unfolds. But as of now, I am partnered up with Jungkook and you’re fretting over nothing. Simon will be back tomorrow, and things will get back on track. I promise.”

You hoped.

Taehyung nodded, excusing himself to visit the kitchen and you took your leave and came back to an eagerly waiting Jungkook.

He stood up the moment you entered the room. “Is everything okay? Hyung looked sad.”

You honestly had zero idea as to what to tell Jungkook. Pursing your lips, you slowly nodded in contemplation as you made your way to your seat. “He’s not working well with Simon,” you honestly told him.

“Oh.” Jungkook’s lips rounded, forming an adorable pout. “Taehyung hyung has a very artistic soul,” he said, taking you by surprise. You leant forward to listen in with interest. “He tends to get awkward and insecure about his ideas and conceptualizations. They’re usually off-beat and hard to work with, but they’re amazingly creative if you look at them like an artist. Not everybody has the right vision for those things, though. Maybe that is why Simon is…” Jungkook trailed off with a shrug.

You bit your lip in consideration. Taehyung’s words echoed in your head.

‘I don’t think we like each other’s approach very much.’

Maybe they really were mismatched, outside of Simon’s immature, unprofessional, god-awful behaviour, too.

“Hey, could we add him to our group?” Jungkook suddenly asked, confusing you.

“Huh?” you very eloquently responded.

He gave a small giggle. “Hyung. Could he work with us? We have been pretty efficient, and you certainly seem to have an artistic vision.”

You smiled. “Thank you, Jungkook, that’s really flattering. But also, no, I don’t think we can do that. The contract we’ve all drawn has a couple of strict clauses and one-on-one sessions is one of them.”

Frowning, Jungkook nodded in acceptance.

The two of you resumed your discussions from before, but the vigour and drive was now lessened to a great extent. You, especially, couldn’t stop worrying. You were the leader of the team, after all.

Sunday night brought in the awaited conference call with your boss.

Looking at her excited, smiling face on your computer screen, you couldn’t help but dread the news you were about to break to her.

“So. How is it going?” Your boss rubbed her hands together, wiggling her eyebrows. “How is Sana doing? You were quite wound up about her, if I remember correctly.”

“You do remember correctly. There’s good news and bad news,” you responded with a grimace. “Which one first?”

Your boss pursed her lips. “Don’t wanna immediately spoil my mood, so, the good one please.”

“Sana has been doing fantastic. She’s been nothing short of professional, and according to what I’ve seen and heard, Namjoon is really pleased with her,” you relayed, smiling when your boss sighed in relief.

“Okay, so that’s out of the way. What’s wrong?”

You sighed. Better rip the band-aid straight off. “Simon has a huge crush on Taehyung and feels like he broke the contract. He wants to leave.”

You watched quietly as your boss choked on an inhale, coughed, had some water, and sat back down to blink at you with a blank face. “These words must not leave your room. Or Simon’s. None of the BigHit staff must catch a wind of it.”

You groaned. “Please don’t ask me to work through this, boss, please—”

“Work through it, Y/N!” your boss cruelly cut you off. “This is such a tiny, little, manageable thing! Resolve it.”

You gawked. “You literally just choked—how is this little, boss?”

“Counsel Simon. Ask him to push through. Threaten his employment with us, if necessary.”

It was your turn to blink at her, owlishly. “And? That’s it?”

Your boss shrugged. “And if it doesn’t work out, swap him with someone else on your team.”

You sighed. “This is all such high school, teen flick bullshit. What the hell.”

“I know, hun. Which is why I’m asking you to manage it. And I know you can. You’re my favourite, Y/N.” Your boss nodded at you with a solemn look. “I have believed in your capabilities since day one. It’s time to make them shine.”

You nodded, dumbly. The back of your mind was hinting at an inkling that you were being manipulated by flattery, but the forefront was basking in all the praise and could really not be bothered.

All you had to do was keep the whole thing hush-hush from the BigHit people and keep Simon in line, right? You could manage that.

Bidding your boss goodbye, you rung up Simon.

“Hey, boss.”

“You’re coming with us tomorrow and you’re gonna be a fucking professional like you’re supposed to!” you barked into the phone. “Bottle up your feelings, or eat them—I don’t care. You’ll do the job you were here for, and you’ll do it right.”

There was a long, suspended silence at the other end. And then a sigh escaped Simon. “I don’t think I have a choice. Fine, I’ll try.”

You put your phone to silent and shut your eyes, knowing you’d receive another call tonight and that you won’t pick up tonight, either.

You lay back in the bed, gearing up for tomorrow.

If worse actually did come to worst, and Simon sent everything down the rabbit hole, who would you make him swap places with? All of you had built really amazing rapports with your assigned partners in just a week. No one would be willing to start over.

If it came to it, would you have to? Would you be able to?

You could maintain professionalism a hundred times better than Simon, that much was certain. But you and Jungkook had been working so well! And who was to say Simon wouldn’t cause trouble with Jungkook, too?

You let out a whine, beyond mad at the situation this guy had landed you in.

But you’d have to navigate out of it, somehow. This was the biggest project of your life so far—the first ever you were heading. You would ensure everything worked out at the end.

You would tie all the loose ends and make it all work. You would.

(You literally had no choice.)

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Tags: @tangledsparkles @hoefortaeshands @getmemyfries

#taehyung angst #bts angst #taehyung fluff #bts fluff #taehyung imagine #bts imagine #v angst #v fluff #v imagine #jungkook imagine #bts v #bts jungkook #jungkook fluff #vantaenet #*mine #f: wbcs

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changbeanie · 5 years ago

Text

set on you ↠ seo changbin

◦ genre: enemies to lovers!au, brother’s best friend!au, fuckboy!au; angst, fluff

◦ pairings: reader x changbin

◦ word count: 20.2k

◦ description: you think life hates you because you’re convinced that the universe conspired to help seo changbin exist at the same time as you do.

◦ warnings: explicit language, alcohol consumption, suggestive remarks (!), slow burn

◦ a/n: happy birthday, bin! the world spins for you (or at least mine does)! enjoy this mess of a fic y’all. i have no idea how all those aus come to play... but it will... trust me; this is probably the most self-indulgent thing i’ve written fml & you have been warned :)

one.

Summer is packing your belongings in a dilapidated suitcase that has been through many airport terminals, throwing your t-shirts and jeans on top until it’s filled to the brim with too many items of clothing and too little occasions to dress up for. It’s taking that burdensome stack of essays you’ve accumulated throughout the semester and tossing them down the trash chute with the rest of the banana peels and ramen cups. It’s taking a breath of fresh air without the imminent stressors of “midterm prompt will be posted at noon” or “printer is low on toner”.

Summer is the honking of Chan’s car outside of your apartment complex, the incessant vibrating of your phone with caller ID that reads “asshole™”, which leaves you questioning why your brother brought his entire entourage to pick you up from college.

The moment you step out of the building complex, you’re greeted by the familiar sound of Jisung’s voice—penetrating, raucous, grating, and other big words for annoying. But that’s not the point.

The point is:

“Hey, hurry up! Changbin says he can’t fall in love without you!”

Ugh.

That’s because he falls in love with himself, you think as you walk towards Chan’s car with your passé, two-wheeler suitcase rolling behind you.

“I don’t see why you have to bring Dumb and Dumber to pick me up.” You start off brusquely despite not seeing your brother for three whole months, albeit video chats. “And Dumber was legit here a few days ago.”

“It’s great seeing you too! How have I been? Well, I’ve been great, thank you so much for asking,” Chan exclaims, voice doused in sarcasm. “Dumber had to renew his lease, so I took him to sign the papers.”

“You mean he still hasn’t gotten kicked out yet?” You roll your eyes only to see Changbin manspreading across the entire backseat with a smug little grin on his face like he’s been sucking on grapes and nibbling on cheese the entire car ride while anticipating your arrival.

On cue, Changbin rolls down the backseat window and makes sure to look you directly in the eye to say, “What makes me think that I would ever leave you, princess?” he responds as if the question was directed towards him in the first place. It’s directed at him, not towards him—there’s a fucking difference.

“I’m sorry? Did I ask you?” You implore, drawing out each syllable and scrutinizing his entire form with aggravation. You turn your sights to Chan, not even bothering to give him a chance to answer because you’re in no mood to listen to him speak, especially if you’re stuck in the car with him for another two hours plus one hour of midday traffic. That makes three whole hours with Pompous Egotistical Extraordinaire (PEE for short).

Index finger pointed upwards, you tell Chan, “I still need to go upstairs to grab a few more boxes.”

“More boxes? Man, that’s overkill. What do you even have in that gigantic suitcase of yours?” Jisung chuckles, swirling the lollipop around in his mouth; it makes his lips redder than usual.

“Weapons to murder Seo Changbin.”

Changbin lets out a bark of laughter, followed by a devilish smirk and a discreet raise of his brow with a stupid slit carved onto it. “Hmm… kinky, babe. Didn’t know you were into that BDSM type of shit,” he comments uselessly like the inessential nuisance he is.

“Hey, fu–”

“C’ mon, princess. Let’s go grab those boxes upstairs,” he interrupts your string of profanity, hopping out of the car in all his atrocious glory and straightens his t-shirt which was never wrinkled to start with. Then, he saunters in your apartment complex like he owns the place. All he needs is a clipboard in his hands and an annoying woman’s voice that screams “Apartment 4419 Bedbug Inspection!” at 8 AM in the morning, and even the bedbugs aren't awake yet.

“Let’s?” you repeat, hissing behind him with your voice several octaves lower and ten folds more deadly. “Since when was this an agreement?”

Changbin’s already in front of the elevator and pressing the button, so you have to follow… because the stairs are all the way on the other side of the complex and you’re not about that healthy life.

“Like you’re going to be able to carry all five boxes on your own,” he states matter-of-factly, crossing his arms in front of him. You don’t fail to notice the slight tug on the right corner of his lips and the boyish glint gleaming in his chocolate-brown eyes—no wait, dirt-brown eyes.

“I’m perfectly capable,” you seeth through gritted teeth as the elevator dings, doors opening. You stomp your way in and press the button to the second floor, in which the door closes and you’re concealed in a confined space with the fucking bane of your existence, the demon that crawled up from Hell because Lucifer probably banished him for being an eyesore.

Great, now what?

“This is kind of romantic,” Changbin decides in that awfully sickening, fruity voice of his.

You glance towards him as if he’s mental, as if he’s said something along the lines of “the Earth is flat”. No offense, but Flat Earthers are clearly the type of people who either live under a rock or in their mom’s basement, living off books that date back to the 1500s when Galileo was a fetus with developing brain cells. “How in the world is being in an elevator with you anything along the lines of romantic?” you voice in disbelief.

“You know how many things we can do in ten seconds, princess?” With the pet name rolling off his tongue like second nature, he throws a wolfish wink in your direction, causing your eyes to roll out of their sockets.

“No, but I know how many things we can not do in ten seconds,” you retort innocently, tilting your head.

“Would you like me to enlighten you then?” Changbin suggests with a waggle of his dark brows, inching forward. He’s got this amused grin on his face, the all-to-familiar one he has when he tries to rile you up, and like the sadist he is, he loves seeing mortification written on your face.

The elevator dings like saving grace, and it sounds something like a rehearsed chorus singing “Hallelujah!” in your ears because you no longer have to listen to the words that flow out of Seo Changbin’s mouth anymore. You elect to ignore him, walking over to your apartment and shoving the keys into the door, twisting the knob harshly. “Boxes are next to the couch. Knock yourself out,” you deadpan, meaning it literally.

“Well, aren’t you unapproachable today,” he states when he strolls inside. Fortunately, he starts being helpful for once and begins to stack the boxes on top of one another.

“And yet, here you are.” You send a fake smile his way, the kind you send to the people who have rolling backpacks on the bus when they say “sorry” for running over your toes.

Just then, your roommate strolls out of the bedroom for what seems like her fourth cup of coffee. Ah yes, a college student’s bloodline. “Sup,” Lisa acknowledges at you and Changbin with the nod of her head. “Going home already?”

You nod, leaning against the side of the counter and checking for important mail. Lease renewal, car advertisements, Internet bill, and oooh pizza coupons. “Damn right. How’s the studying going?” you ask with a little chuckle.

Lisa hates studying. She’ll have Law & Order playing the background as she’s cramming for her organic chemistry final, claiming that Lewis Structures bore her to the moon and back.

“One more fucking day till I’m at the beach in Hawaii with shirtless boys and free coconut water. Because if I will cry if I have to pay another cent for a liter of packaged, artificial coconut water,” she agonizes like it's the end of the world. “But yeah, studying? It’s going.”

“Yet you still go through coconut water faster than you go through Kim’s slides for OChem,” you laugh, shaking your head with nothing but admiration for her.

“Ew, don’t remind me.”

“Uh, Y/N? I’m gonna load these boxes in the foyer. Can you take the last two?” Changbin interjects, carrying all three boxes stacked neatly in a column, and for once, he’s not doing anything stupid that makes you want to deck him.

Quickly, you run over to the door and hold it open for him. “Um, yeah. I’ll be out in a minute,” you say, blinking out of slight shock. Seo Changbin being tolerable for once?

When Changbin’s out the door and you’re picking up the last two boxes filled with unnecessary business manuals and necessary packs of pastel stationery, Lisa turns around with a freshly brewed cup of coffee in her hands. The look on her face is mischievous and smirky and totally Not Right, gives off an ominous vibe that sends goosebumps crawling up your skin.

“Your boyfriend is pretty cute.”

Yup, there it is.

“Except that he’s not my boyfriend or cute,” you explain blankly, a light grunt leaving your lips when you haul the boxes up with the help of your knee. Maybe you did overpack a little. “He’s all yours, dude.”

“Nah, I don’t fuck with that. He’s not my type... but he is definitely your type. Kinda bad boy, kinda chill-looking, looks like he lifts a fifty at the gym.” She flicks her hair and speculates like a love connoisseur.

“Has OChem fucked up your brain? You think I would fall for someone like him?” You heave as you drop the boxes onto the dining table before adjusting your arms around the annoyingly rectangular boxes that are too rectangular for your short arms.

Lisa shrugs and sips her coffee. The hot liquid burns her tongue and leaves her fanning it with the Internet bill. She replies with effort, “But–but have you seen him? He gives you those cute lil’ puppy dog eyes.”

“Those are the deceiving eyes of a devil, Lisa. They’re getting in there and brainwashing you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” She waves you off, dumping five ice cubes into her coffee and another one in her mouth. “We, you and me and Jisoo, we’re still renewing the lease right?” Lisa mumbles painfully over a mouthful of ice, and you wonder how much caffeine is in her system right now.

“Yes. We’re renewing the lease. I’ll come to sign it by the end of this month or whenever,” you snicker at your friend; she’s always ditzy like this, makes it easy for you to joke around with. “But have fun in Hawaii! Not too much fun though! You know how them boys be.”

With that, you carry the boxes to the door and kick it open with the ball of your foot, but before you leave, Lisa bellows from the kitchen a few feet away, “You know what they say! What happens in Hawaii stays in Hawaii!”

You’re pretty sure that the saying is Vegas, but whatever, her brain is fried from OChem anyway.

“Ah, crap–”

“Woah there, princess,” Changbin exclaims when he takes the boxes from your hands before they kiss the floor, freeing your arms with your foot still lodged between the door and the wall. Slowly, your eyes follow his voice to the curve of his profile, his tall nose to the potent pout of his peachy lips, his chiseled jaw to the hair that frames his face nicely.

You haven’t gotten a good look at him before, no, not when you’re constantly facepalming at his fuckboy antics and plotting to murder him in his sleep. Like this, when he’s attentive and not barking with his mouth, he’s not too bad. It feels strange, intimate almost—you don’t like it at all.

“Hello? Are you going to lock the door or what?”

Changbin’s voice snaps you awake from your daydream, and your eyes widen as you are caught off guard.

“Huh? Oh, right.”

A cocky grin laces his features when he bends forward to whisper in your ear, warmth breath fanning the back of your neck. You feel your heart skip. In anger or something. “What would you do without me?” he brags.

You scoff loudly. “Do you ever think about something other than yourself, Seo?”

“I think about you, princess.”

“I hate you.”

You grit, the words sounding not as confident as you would have liked, and quickly dismiss the strange flutter settling in your belly and lock the door. You take one of the boxes from his hands and speed-walk away from the devil himself, missing the way his cockiness fades into a soft smile at your departing silhouette.

two.

Jisung is right.

Five additional boxes on top of your suitcase are overkill because Chan makes the mistake of bringing your mom’s Mini Cooper to pick you up from college. It’s a four-seater, and your two boxes are taking up almost half a seat, which leaves you in a shortage-of-personal-space situation with [insert heathen’s name here].

“Han,” you request with the sweetest smile you could muster. “Do you wanna switch seats? You’ve always been my favorite.”

“Is that why you addressed me as ‘Dumb’?” Jisung turns around from the passenger’s seat, challenging you with the quirk of his brow. What, he holds grudges now?

“Hey! At least you’re not Dumber.” You mumble the last part as you regret your life choices.

Changbin winces with a slight frown. “Ouch. That hurt, princess.” You hear him chuckling to himself as he immerses himself in his phone, probably on Twitter checking if anyone has mentioned him to feed his validation kink and ravenous ego.

“Couldn’t even switch if I wanted to, Y/N. We’re, like, on the freeway. Safety first, you get me?” Jisung chants with half-lidded eyes and expressive hands.

Safety first, my ass. Who is he even? The same dude who’s notorious for being an ugly drunk inconvenience? The same dude who belly flops into a pool and pounds his chest like Tarzan at ungodly hours of the night? The same dude who cracks eggs using knives? Safety where?

“Damn. What a snake, Han,” you groan, head falling back onto the seat. Despite the morning caffeine from Lisa’s crazy expensive drip coffee maker, you still feel as if anchors were weighing down your eyelids. And it definitely doesn’t help with that fact that your morning in-class essay was titled The Dynamics of Modern Journalism, by means of you. Nothing dynamic about it at all but you have to fake it till you make that 4.0 GPA.

“Y/N.” Chan calls out from the driver’s seat, as he glances through the rearview mirror. “Everything okay in college?”

There’s a song playing on the radio, some Bruno Mars song, and it reminds you of the old days where he would seat you in front of him and strum the strings of your dad’s crusty old guitar. It sounds terrible, if you’re being completely honest, but you didn’t have the heart to tell the ten-year-old version of your older brother that.

“Yeah. I only cry myself to sleep occasionally,” you reply jokingly, thankful for the great older brother Chan is. “Everything’s fine for the most part. Just doing what I have to do to graduate.”

“Why, princess?”

You turn your head to face Changbin, only to realize that your face is awfully close to his, and you recoil back before you start feeling something other than rage and disgust whenever you think of him—not saying that you would ever think of him. “Why what?” you respond sharply.

“Why do you cry yourself to sleep?” He smiles when he meets your sleepy gaze, eyes staring blankly at him with nothing but pure boredom.

“Because you’re in my life,” you comment in return, sighing despondently, hoping to bring an end to the conversation and catch some shut-eye before Jisung starts to sing to himself out of sheer boredom. However, knowing Seo Changbin and knowing his lack of social cues, he’s going to find some way to continue it.

“Oh, don't worry. I would never break your heart, princess,” he says thickly.

Shutting your eyes, you let your weak attempt at a retort linger at the tip of your tongue because you’re physically and mentally too drained to argue with him. “But I would crush yours. With my bare hands. Like a bug,” you huff in determination.

“When have you ever crushed a bug with your bare hands before?” he says, mouth open mockingly like he’s testing your limits. Changbin knows that bugs are your archnemeses even though you claim that he’s the bane of your existence.

“Yeah? I’ll fucking show you.” You talk big with no actual meaning of doing it.

“Okay. I’ll bring ladybugs tomorrow.”

You shoot up with wide eyes. “Don’t you fucking dare. I will post your middle school tween pictures on Twitter for the whole world to see and caption it ‘here’s your beloved SpearB at a 90s school dance with a girl who gives zero shits about him’ and retweet,” you threaten him.

Changbin scoffs, loudly if you may note. “What, this coming from you? When’s the last time you got laid?” he questions acidly.

You clench your jaw tightly, refusing to answer his good for nothing, inappropriate question, mind you, in front of your own brother and his younger friend.

“Don’t tell me… you never even–” Changbin stops right there, an overly mirthful smile taking over his features. “Sorry,” he chuckles, shrugging apathetically.

With flaming cheeks, you clench your fists and fight the exceptional vexation that is prompting you to elbow his guts as your useless throat ties itself into knots that hinder you from rebutting with a genius comeback of any sort. Oh, you are choking with rage. You want to strangle the life out of him with your bare hands and watch the lights go out in his eyes.

“Sorry?” You clamor, smacking a hand on his irritably firm chest. “You are not fucking sorry!”

“Um, I’m not sorry then?”

You let out a bitter, humorless laugh, because you’re on the brink of delirium. No coherent words can properly form anymore. Whoosh, out the window. “Wow, it reeks of ‘fuckboy’ in here. Open the windows, Chan,” you point out snarkily.

“If it reeks so much, why don’t you get the fuck out?”

“I’d do the fucking honors if we weren’t on the freeway!”

Changbin’s eyebrows knit in exasperation as he throws his hands in the air, accidentally knocking your shoulder. “Oh, so the freeway is at fault now? You think the whole universe revolves around you?”

You gawk at him in nothing but keen apathy and general disdain. “When did I say that? Are you hearing things? Hallucinations? Maybe you should go see a doctor to get that one brain cell of yours checked out. I bet it’s tired of your bullshit.”

“Wow, not only are you egotistical, you’re delusional as well! No wonder why you have a non-existent body count,” Changbin says with his hand in the shape of a fat “zero” shoved in front of your face.

“Guys, that’s enough!” You hear Chan shout, and the both of you immediately snap your heads in his direction, chests heaving with wrath and the urge to push each other’s buttons even further until one breaks. But now, you’re caught in a deadlock, stuck in a metaphoric chokehold.

“Guys, seriously. Let CB drive in peace,” Jisung chimes unhelpfully, removing one of his earbuds for less than two seconds before slipping it back in, head falling back against the seat cushion. Jisung looks like he’s having the time of his life in the front seat, unlike you, who has your arms crossed indignantly in front of your chest and Seo Changbin’s stupid arm brushing against yours.

It’s not long before the aforementioned midday traffic hits. And you're left thinking that if you lived in an alternative universe where The Purge was legal and where all laws were ignored for one night, just twelve short hours of a night, you’ll have one standing objective, one endgame—and that involves sending Seo Changbin, the incubus, back to Hell where he originally came from.

three.

After the car ride incident, every single fiber of your being has come to a consolidated consensus that Seo Changbin makes your blood boil and nerves tense to the point where it’s considered a health hazard—for him. Because the number of times your brain has proposed opening the car door and pushing him into oncoming traffic is frightening. The very fact that he exists, regardless of proximity, irritates you like the fact that Lisa eats hot dogs without the buns. Like what the fuck are you going to do with an uneven ratio of hot dogs to buns?

However, to your utter dismay, your brother thinks otherwise. Chan wholly believes that you’ve misunderstood Changbin and that he’s actually a person with a charming personality, a songwriter with a heated passion for music, and a crucial member of 3RACHA aka. SoundCloud hip-hop trio.

You, on the contrary, don’t even consider him as a person (not even a half a person) because demons aren’t people, would rather stuff your ears with wax than listen to his voice sing lovingly in your ear, and laugh at the fact that Chan regards him “crucial” in any shape or form. However, it is true that he’s a member of 3RACHA (otherwise by subtraction, it’d be 2RACHA), but he falls short of anything considered “crucial” in comparison to the other things in your life.

This is why when 3RACHA has workdays at your house, in your living room, in your personal sphere, you don’t even think twice before locking yourself in the bedroom. And if you do decide to go out, you best bet that the hallways are empty to ensure the lack of social interaction between you and the personification of the Bubonic Plague.

So right now, at 10 PM, with the living room being dead silent with the exception of crickets chirping in your backyard, you gather your mason jar and empty chip bags and granola wrappers into your arms and make a one way trip to the kitchen.

Immediately, your nose scrunches at the living room that smells so potently of him: familiar, refined, and a little musky, sends tingles down your spine. Elbow hitting the light switch, you nearly drop your things at the sight in front of you.

“God, what the hell are you still doing here?” you comment crassly when Seo Changbin looks up from the dining table, legs crossed with an uncharacteristic softness invading his usual cocky features. He’s in his Adidas sweatpants and the awful black shirt he wears all the time, hair tousled and falling messily over his eyes.

You glance away, finding it hard not to stare at him when he looks Not Entirely Shitty like that. So you proceed to toss your belongings in the trash can as you grit your teeth and accept the fact that it is definitely too late to bail and give him the satisfaction of seeing you hot and bothered.

“I’m sorry? Did you think I would just leave?” Changbin says, almond eyes keen with interest.

“No, of course not,” you verbalize with profound sarcasm. “But if you’re working in the dark, you might as well have the lights on so you don’t go blind.”

“Are you concerned for my well-being, princess?” A taunting smirk inches its way onto the corners of his lips, and you want to sock him in the face for assuming that.

Rolling your eyes, you glower and roughly rinse your mason jar with too much dish soap that it leaves your hands feeling dry. “You’re so fucking full of yourself.”

“On the contrary, I am the most generous person you’ve met,” he announces proudly, chair creaking when he gets up to stretch his frame. How far does one have to stick one's head up one’s ass to say something as arrogant as that?

“I beg to differ?” you chuckle dryly, turning to face him when you finish rinsing your dishes. You narrow your eyes in profound skepticism like you’re challenging him to a duel. “Generosity where?”

“For instance,” Changbin’s impish eyes flicker over to the vitamin soft gels sitting innocently on the counter, “are you lacking Vitamin D?”

“What?”

“I can fix that for you.”

A loud (but predicted) sigh heaves from your lips before you start to feel an obnoxious blush blooming across your cheeks. A witty retort stays bubbled in your throat and stays there, uselessly, like it’s forgotten how to speak, like it’s forgotten that you hate Seo Changbin to the ends of the galaxy. Your fixed eyes make the mistake on landing on his, and a slither of silence follows as you take the time to trace the flecks of gold in his midnight orbs. Sometimes, you find it hard to breathe because he has you breathless.

The worst part is that Changbin seems to notice the effect he has on you, and boy is he ecstatic. “Considering it, princess?” he gloats, voice silvery as it glides smoothly off his tongue like butter.

“In your dreams,” you mutter, your voice once again betraying your thoughts. You snap out of whatever trance he captivated you in—must be those demonic sermons, yup—and now that your mind’s clear, you want to gouge your eyes out. “Exude your fuckboy antics on someone who cares, yeah?”

“What if I want to try them on you?”

The same softness from before settles into the lines of Changbin’s face, but you’re not falling for that shit again. “Where’s Chan?” you ask, changing the topic before you start to wonder why he’s looking at you like that, almost endearing with an unreadable gleam in his eyes. “You still haven’t answered me what you were doing here.”

“Oh. I’m almost done with some beats, so I thought I’d stay here and work as they pick up food,” he tells you.

Finally. He speaks to you like a normal person would when having a civil conversation.

The Communication Process has two parts to it: the sender and the receiver. Between the sender and the receiver, there are several different parts but most importantly 1) the message; and subsequent to the receiver, there’s 2) the decoding process where you comprehend the message. Normally, Changbin fucks up the message and leaves you to decode it while stepping on hot coals. Which leads you to want to rip his head off and feed it to the wolves only to have them regurgitate it in disgust.

“Do you want dinner? We’re having sushi. I heard that salmon is a powerful aphrodisiac,” Changbin continues, once again, lacking social cues and not knowing how and when to shut up.

And there goes the idea of having a remotely civil conversation.

“No, thank you,” you deadpan, deciding to reach into the cupboard for a jar of pasta sauce instead. Or maybe you should just skip dinner altogether because you’ve just lost your appetite.

“You cook?"

Bleary-eyed, you give the blockhead a nonchalant response. “Yes, I cook like every normal person does. Not everyone has maids and butlers tending to them three meals a day, seven days a week, Seo.”

“Shit, I’m impressed. And a little turned on right now,” he divulges in pure mischief and the notion to fluster you again. Only this time, it doesn’t work because you’re conditioned to filter out his fuckboy nonsense.

“Keep it in your pants, will you?”

“I’ll have you know that–”

You interrupt him with a soft grunt when you strain and press your hand on the lid of the jar. “I’m not interested in whatever you have to say to me about your questionable habits,” you grumble, features pinched and voice taut. You apply force and twist harder on the lid, thinking that the pressure would loosen the grip, and it doesn’t. To your massive dismay, it doesn’t and leaves a nasty red imprint on your hand instead. Annoyed, you turn on your gas stove and try to loosen the lid sealed with, unbeknownst to you, cement.

Before you could run your lid over the open flame, Changbin stops you abruptly and turns off the gas stove, takes the jar from you, and twists it open with a soft “pop”. He stares at you quietly and nods, waiting for you to take the pasta sauce from his hand.

You gawk at him, the little gears in your brain churning and all brain cells collectively wondering “huh?”. Inching forward, your eyes narrow in caution, like he’s about to douse you with a jar of tomato sauce.

“Well?”

“Well…”

“Are you gonna take it?” Changbin quips with a light thrust of the jar.

With a furtive breath, you purse your lips in a thin line and take the jar from his grasp, turning to the stove and heating up the saucepan without hesitation.

“A ‘thank you’ would have been nice.”

“I didn’t ask for your help.”

Changbin rolls his eyes, clearing his throat. “Do you always eat pasta for dinner?”

You nod, “It’s the fastest thing when I’m exhausted after a full day of classes. Pasta doesn’t require much thinking, really. You just boil the spaghetti and pour the sauce in. Tada, a whole meal plus leftovers.”

“You know what else is a whole meal? Me.”

If it was possible to compile a list to unnecessary comments that have crawled its way out of Seo Changbin’s mouth that you most certainly do not care about, the list would run longer than the number of curse words you spewed in the span of your life. Considering his existence, that’s a whole fucking lot.

“You’re more like a stale piece of bread,” you laugh, rolling your eyes, “like the ones that even pigeons wouldn’t eat.”

He ignores your insult to his ginormous ego (because it probably bounced off) and watches you pour distilled water into the saucepan instead. “Didn’t you like... have all morning to noon classes last semester? Why are you always so cranky and tired?”

“Because I have all morning and noon classes. So when I come back, I cram homework until the sun goes down. Coffee only gets you so far,” you explain the itinerary of your day to the person you’d least expect to listen.

“Wait, Park’s business class is your last one of the day? No wonder why you’re extra unapproachable on Tuesdays and Thursdays,” he chuckles, mirth rising all the way up to his dark irises.

“Yeah, and Park can kiss my ass if he doesn’t let me into that business program in New York. I go to his office hours religiously when I give zero shits about him and spend an hour of my day listening to his accomplishments during the stock market crash.”

“Wow, business majors are fucking kiss-ups.”

Laughter rises in your lungs and bubbles across your chest. “That coming from the business major himself.”

“Damn right,” Changbin acknowledges, “but Park detests me. So I don’t have to worry about getting into the program–because I won’t. Not when I saunter in class late with Minho and talk about the easiest way to cheat seconds before the midterm.”

You stir the elbow pasta around with a pair of chopsticks, making sure that it doesn’t stick to the bottom of the pan. “Not when you’re openly changing your vape juice in front of his face like the university grounds allow vaping,” you remind him.

“Definitely not when I’m making fun of his ass for drinking coffee sixty years straight like his life depends on it. Maybe that’s why he’s shorter than the podium.”

“Closer to hell?”

“You go, babe.”

The conversation carries on smoothly, settling itself into the chasm of space between you and him like stardust descending into the unknowns of the universe. It pains you to say this... but he’s actually not a bad listener nor is he awkward to be around. You’re here oversharing your trivial qualms about daytime classes and lack of proper sleep, and he’s just standing there, nodding to your every word with, what looks like, a genuine grin playing on his lips. Truth be told, you never thought this day would come.

And here you are, occasionally stirring your pot of pasta and having a proper chat with Changbin that didn’t include insults, suggestive remarks, or any head ripping of the sort.

The world must be spinning upside down on its axis or something.

four.

It’s a Saturday night, which means that you’re in your pair of favorite pair of basketball shorts with deep pockets and a well-loved, frayed up band tee that has been through hundreds of washes. This indicates that it’s Movie Night, and you’re nursing a bowl of potato chips between your legs, hands knuckle deep in calories and grease. Oddly enough, the weekends seem to arrive quicker than ever, but then again, you lose track of time when it’s summer because you’re not living to torture yourself—for once.

Actually, you take that back.

“Ugh, what are you doing here?” you groan when Changbin strides into the living room to take a seat (despite many other available seats on the spacious couch) beside you.

“I live here,” Changbin announces, scrunching his nose particularly at the way you started the friendly conversation. He hops onto his L-shaped leather couch and reaches over you to grab a throw pillow—way too close for your liking.

“Unfortunately,” you elect to say, staring blankly ahead at Netflix’s home screen because Jisung is taking his sweet ass time in selecting a goddamn movie. And it definitely doesn’t help with the fact that Chan is too immersed in chowing down the spring rolls than to give a shit about Han Jisung who is currently scrolling through the “romantic” category.

It’s not a Nicholas Sparks type of night.

Those nights are reserved for when you are holed up in your room with a cup of hot tea by your side and a laptop on your blankets, not with your mortal enemy stuck to your side like a thorn.

Jisung reaches backward and sticks his hand into the sour cream and onion chips. “What do you guys wanna watch?” he mumbles over a mouthful of crumbs like a pest.

“I want to watch Y/N fall in love with me," Changbin confesses with an unnaturally straight face.

Cheeks on full flare, you take Changbin’s throw pillow and smack it repetitively over his chest.

“Can. You. Shut. Up. For. A. Day,” you grunt between whacks, and you’re wholly unsurprised that he just bursts out laughing in his hearty, high pitched laugh that makes your heart skip two beats like when you’re rushing upstairs to lecture and skipping two steps at a time to make sure that your paper isn’t marked late.

“Jeez, calm down, princess,” Changbin chuckles and easily wrestles the pillow out of your hands.

“Yeah, calm down. If you guys want to make out, please go to Changbin’s room. Otherwise, I might have to gouge out my eyes and feed them to Hyunjin’s dog,” Jisung gapes with an expression that reads nothing but “ew”.

Chan finally looks up from the plate of spring rolls and catches on. “Wow. This is exactly why Hyunjin hates your ass.”

“He hates me because he ain’t me,” the younger boy boasts, reminiscing back to a petty middle school feud he had with one of his closest friends. “But in all honesty, Y/N and Changbin, the room’s right there. Feel free to excuse yourself anytime during the movie.”

“But keep it PG-13 though. Walls are thin,” Chan adds unconstructively, and you really want to slap a spring roll across his face. Guess who isn’t getting the Brother of the Year Award.

You refrain the urge to screech, unable to come up with a retaliation strategy and unable to prevent the blood from rushing to your cheeks, so a string of incoherent gurgles of curse words leave your mouth. “I’m going to burn your mixtape, Han,” you say, horrified at the thought of making out with Seo Changbin or anything akin to making out with Seo Changbin.

“Ah, J.One, ever the jokester. Even if we did make out, we wouldn’t tell you about it,” Changbin opens that useless mouth of his and says with a devilish grin on his face.

“We are not going to make out!” you order, making it very clear that you’re keen on Not Kissing Changbin regardless of the situation. Regardless of his peachy, soft-looking lips. Gross.

“Can we pick a movie already? We’ve been at this for almost fifteen minutes. I’m running out of food.” Chan holds up a half-eaten plate of shrimp spring rolls and seems genuinely concerned that there is a lack of food to feed the endless abyss he calls his stomach—completely ignoring that fact that he’s in the Seo Residence, where every fridge is stocked with smoked salmon and sliced mango from Whole Foods.

Promptly, Changbin wrenches the remote control from Jisung’s hand and scrolls over to the “horror” category.

God, what the fuck is wrong with him? Please, don’t tell m–

“Let’s watch Insidious. Haven’t watched that in a hot minute,” Changbin suggests as he clicks on the play arrow without anybody’s consent. Literally nobody. And your mouth runs dry, feeling the urge to speak up, yet you don’t want him to have the gratification of you being terrified of horror films and freaky paranormal shit.

It’s not the initial overused storyline of a woman being possessed in a house with clear warning signs of Being Haunted or the chilling tales the neighbors tell to freak new residents out about moving into the house only to have the family move in despite all red flags that scare the crap out of you—it’s the aftermath. The dreaded aftermath of sleeping peacefully only to have the image of a veiled woman lingering in the corner of your closet or the thought of something tugging on your blankets and scratching your windows at night.

Holy shit, you really do despise Seo Changbin.

Regrettably so, Chan shrugs and dims the lights because he doesn’t give two fucks about what he’s watching. He’s here for the food and the food only.

You don’t know if it’s you or Jisung that heaves an exasperated sigh, but Jisung immediately slouches on the floor beside Chan and sticks awfully close to your legs. You’re afraid that you might accidentally kick the kid when a jump scare pops up on-screen, and you’d feel bad about it because, for a change, you actually agree with Han Jisung.

But what you do know is that your pride and dignity? Non-existent.

Because in the next thirty minutes, you have your face buried in Changbin’s chest and hands wrapped around his arm like he’s your knight in shining armor—except he’s not. But at this rate, it doesn’t matter what he is because you’re too busy trying to simultaneously block your ears and your eyes, which is virtually impossible, so you just end up having to listen to horrendous contortions and Jisung’s whimpers by the side of your leg.

“Fucking hell.” Jisung hisses as he jumps out of his seat and onto Chan, clutches the older boy for dear life.

“Christ. Even if the movie doesn’t scare me to death. Han will if he keeps yelping at every single jump scare,” you complain silently, face wedged somewhere in the junction of the couch and Changbin.

Changbin diverts his attention to you, who is grasping onto him and glancing away from the screen with all your might, and he raises a curious brow. “Scared? You’re scared of horror movies,” he says matter-of-factly.

“N-No?”

“Okay… look at the screen then.”

Squinting, you stubbornly turn your head and try your best not to open your eyes, and just your luck, an eerily demonic scene that you won’t even bother to describe (or stare at any longer) flashes in front of your eyes. Immediately, you flinch and cower against him. “I’m–holy shit–I hate you so much,” you mutter disjointedly. “Please don’t make me watch that.”

“You are so scared.” Changbin smiles softly when you press yourself against him, liking the feeling of you so close to him. Tinges of amusement waltzes in his orbs when you hold onto him.

“And yet you still chose a horror film? Are you stupid, or are you stupid?” you protest lightly, scowling when an unnecessarily loud noise bellows on the screen.

“Listen,” he looks down at you, “you didn’t say anything, so I just assumed that you were okay with it.”

You roll your eyes at his response. That’s just the type of answer his big-headed, self-interested ass would respond with. “Just because you’re okay with it, doesn’t mean that we’re all okay with it. It amazes me how arrogant you are, Seo.”

“Arrogant?”

“I said what I said.”

“If I’m so arrogant, get off me then.”

In disbelief, you glance up. “I’m not even on you,” you say, offended. As if you would ever willingly touch him.

“Yeah? Hands, princess,” Changbin states and motions towards your hands that happen to be uselessly grabbing onto his arm. He sees your expression morph from anger to shock, and a fond smile etches itself onto his lips. “Thought so.”

Your hands fly off him faster than a bolt of lightning, and it irks you to see him beaming like a thousand suns. “Hand me the pillow,” you demand, facing away from the screen as much as possible.

“For what?” Changbin taunts.

“So I can suffocate myself and make sure I don’t meet you in the next life.”

He frowns, feigns a sad smile. “But I don’t want you to die.”

“You make me want to not breathe, Changbin.”

Changbin simpers at your indignant expression. “Then I’ll give you my lungs so you can breathe,” he says, “in the form of CPR.”

“Just give me the pillow, asshole,” you deadpan, tired of arguing with him.

“No,” Changbin replies proudly and tosses the pillow to the other side of the apartment, flings it like a wet towel, right outside of the dark hallway. “If you want it, I guess you’ll have to go get it.”

You’re downright speechless yet again, your mind preventing you from comprehending what just happened because Seo Changbin had just stooped to a whole new level of “asshole”. You nudge his side in annoyance. “Go get that for me right now,” you snarl.

“Don’t really want to.”

“I will murder you in your sleep. Mark my wo–oh my god, did you fucking see that… I’m going insane,” you whisper loudly as you grab his waist, twisting the fabric of his t-shirt and burying your face in his broad, sturdy chest.

A soft grin spreads on Changbin’s face at the sight of you, but you hardly notice him because you’re too busy calming yourself down and trying to get whatever demonic image out of your head.

“At this rate, I think you’re gonna be the one murdered in your sleep,” he bends down and murmurs obnoxiously in your ears, “by the woman in white.”

You shake your head fervently and grip onto him even tighter.

All you can hear is Jisung cursing with every breath, your racing heart pounding in your ears, and Changbin’s rhythmic breathing that seems to do something in distracting you from your thoughts. It’s peculiar, almost like a reassurance, like he’s always there for you regardless of his pesky presence and irksome remarks. Somehow, he manifests a sense of security that you’re used to, grown accustomed to, and it leaves you feeling skittish and uneasy because you’re not supposed to be feeling anything for him other than overall distaste.

The very embodiment of your qualms rests his hand gently around your waist, and Changbin thinks that if you weren’t as disoriented, weren’t as startled, you’ll hear his heart that is beating thunderously for you.

five.

“He asked me out on a date.”

Jennie raises her eyebrows at you with suspicion, finally peeling her eyes off Google Docs. She’s working on her resume for job applications but not making much progress because she has only managed to write her name and address down. “Who? Changbin?” she gasps excitedly.

“What? No? That’s gross!” you say bitterly. “Like I would agree to go on a date with him.” You feel your heart squeeze at the mention of his name.

“Then who is it?”

“Mark.”

Your best friend fully abandons her resume and gapes, mouth wide open. “The Canadian dude? You talk to him?”

You frown, not liking her expression. As a best friend, your best friend, shouldn’t she be happy for you? You don’t like it when she disapproves of your dates because it’s usually a sure sign that something’s going to go wrong, like she has a sixth sense that can sniff out bad choices. “What’s wrong with Mark? We’ve been casual texting since break began, and he’s in town for the weekend,” you mention.

“There’s nothing wrong with Mark. I just didn’t think you’d go on a date with him… I mean, look at you! You’re not even all that excited. I’ve seen more enthusiasm from Chan eating a salad than you right now,” Jennie says, a valid point to be making.

“I am excited,” you defend, “I–it’s just that I don’t know what to wear and I don’t know what he wants to do.” From your understanding, Mark seems okay with anything you’d want to do, like he’d say yes without hesitation. He’s nice, so nice. Who wouldn’t like a nice guy?

“I don’t know, man. You really had my hopes up. I thought Changbin asked you on a date instead,” she adds, spinning a full circle on your mint-colored computer chair. “I like you better when you’re with him.”

The frown deepens. “I swear, all the job hunting has withered your last brain cell,” you lay down on your bed, “Besides, why the hell would he ask me on a date? He knows that I despise him down to the very last nerve. And the thought of being on a date with him and holding hands and laughing at his stupid jokes about Vitamin D… I hate it.”

“That’s oddly specific,” Jennie notes nonchalantly as she pops a grape into her mouth.

“Why are you defending him?” you ask her, distressed.

Jennie scoots closer to you. “Have you ever considered the idea that you might, emphasis on might, enjoy the attention you get from him?”

“What are you even say–”

“–no, you listen to me. I’ve never heard you talk so much about a guy, even if it’s mainly voicing out your frustration,” Jennie pinpoints, tapping a pen on her chin. “Considering that you text me every day, I don’t think you’ve gone one day without mentioning his name.”

You narrow your eyes and clench your jaw until your molars are pressed tightly against each other, in utter disbelief that she would say something like that—and not be wrong. “That proves nothing. I’m just ranting about him being the embodiment of douchebag and bastard all at once. It takes serious skill to do that, honestly,” you grumble.

“See! You’re talking about him again!” Jennie beams and kneels on the bed, gripping your shoulders tightly, and you’re forced to look her in the eye. “It takes some serious skill to ignore your feelings for him too.”

“My feelings for him? Excuse me, Jennie Kim. Who the fuck do you think you are?” you glower, glaring at the girl in front of you.

She moves her hands to your head and shakes it, squishes it between her palms like she’s taking out all her pent up stress from dealing with you. “I’m your fucking platonic soulmate. Show me some respect. If you want to go on a date with Mark, do it. But don’t you dare come crying to me about how tragically bad it goes.”

“Can you stop making it sound like Mark’s a terrible person? Because he’s not. He’s the epitome of a nice boy. The type your parents would love,” you muse with determination.

“Yeah, but when have I ever listened to my parents about the people I date?” she challenges. “From the looks of it, Mark’s too good of a person for you, Y/N. You need someone to keep you grounded. Someone who isn’t afraid to give you a piece of his mind.”

“Time to be single for life then.”

Jennie scoffs with a peeved roll of her eyes. “Not if Seo Changbin’s still single,” she verifies in a playful tone.

“Ugh, I’d rather be single.”

“Hey, if you’re already like this when you hate each other, I can’t imagine what it’d be like if you liked each other,” Jennie supplies unhelpfully, and she turns back to her resume, mentally crying to herself as she stares at the blank page.

You sigh. This isn’t how you pictured this conversation with Jennie to be going. You thought she would be more supportive of your date but now it seems otherwise.

The thought of liking Changbin makes you shudder and bite the inside of your cheeks, hard. If you had to use a magnifying glass and search hard enough and look past his fuckboy antics and irksome retorts, he would be a decent person, per se.

Firstly, Changbin’s not painstakingly awkward like those university boys who pull out every single strand of hair on their heads before asking “d-do you want to get coffee?”. Sadly, no, you have roommates for a reason—to leech off their expensive drip coffee makers. Lucky for you, being the rich ass Seo Changbin shamelessly embodies, he’d buy you Starbucks if he’s in a good mood (which is always because his ego lives on Mars). And you’re definitely not awkward with him, not when you’re constantly wanting to bite his head off.

Secondly, either you’re tripping or the fact that he’s not terribly bad to look at makes it a bonus? Sometimes, you catch yourself thinking an awful lot about his chiseled jaw and toned arms, how his eyes sparkle when he throws some inappropriate remark in your direction—which you have to proceed to smack yourself afterward, because how dare you fraternize with the enemy. Even then, through clenched teeth and the flare of your full cheeks, you can’t deny that he’s quite a looker if he keeps his mouth shut.

Wow. This is not good.

six.

There’s caffeine in your system.

You made sure of it.

Like all dates, you were sort of expecting this one to be a late-night type of thing, but now that you’re sitting at a local diner and playing with the fries on your plate at 8 PM, you’re not sure how much longer you can stay awake. And you’ve just had two shots of espresso beforehand to keep your mind off the conversation you had with Jennie earlier on.

“What are your plans for summer?” you ask politely. God, he is so much easier to talk to through text.

“A lot of traveling, mostly. You’ll be staying here?” Mark prods as he twirls his pasta around his fork.

It’s such a quiet dinner, and if it weren’t for the kid whining distinctively about wanting soda in the background and his mom saying no, you think Mark could hear you sighing underneath your breath. “Most likely. I think my brother and I are both too homesick to go anywhere,” you mention, watching him pick out all the shrimp from his plate. “You don’t like shrimp?”

“Well, seafood. I don’t really like seafood. Gives a fishy aftertaste in my mouth.”

“Wow. I don’t think we can be friends anymore,” you tease, laughing a little at his facial expression. Who would have thought, Mark Lee having a vendetta with shellfish? It’s pretty damn comical to think about.

“Hey, that’s discriminating. But Y/N, you’re friends with Changbin, no?” he tells you.

You nearly cough up your iced water. Sputtering, you respond, “Friends? No. Acquaintances? Barely. Why are you asking?” Everyone seems to be on your ass about Changbin lately. What are you? His Google Calendar?

Mark shrugs and looks outside the window, a small chuckle leaving his lips. “I didn’t think you’d go on this date with me because you’re always hanging around him. And you know, him and I are very much different.”

“He’s a douche, Mark. You’re nothing of the sort. If he’s the devil, then you're an angel,” you assure him.

The boy in front offers you some of his alfredo pasta, but you don’t have the heart to tell him how much you despise the flavor of white sauce. Instead, you smile amicably and take large gulps of your water.

“I don’t know. Why do I have the feeling that you like playing with fire?” Mark remarks when he sees you trying to scrape most of the sauce off the linguine pasta before deciding that its edible.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you say with a smile, but you don’t sound very convincing. Anyway, you divert the topic and bring up a new one, as you’ve been doing all night. “Do you want to watch a movie later? There’s a bunch of cool stuff in the theaters right now.”

“Fast and Furious?”

And you say yes. Even though you’re more of a Marvel gal.

At the end of the day, Mark’s fine. That’s all he really is—just fine, nothing more to it than a four-letter word. He doesn’t know your preferences, your likes and dislikes, or your habits, which is fine, because you don’t have many opportunities to interact with him anyway. With Mark, it’s quiet and respectful, and you almost miss bickering with a certain someone for no apparent reason.

You’re staring quietly at ending credits when the movie ends, your hands wrapped around a full bucket of popcorn (because you don’t really eat popcorn unless it’s sweet), and you’re chewing quietly on the licorice that Mark had offered you. The movie was fine. The licorice is fine.

However, nothing about today screams “I’m on a date!”.

“Today was nice,” Mark tells you as he wraps an arm around your shoulder. “Thanks for spending time with me.”

“Yeah,” you smile cheekily. The feeling is mutual. “If you’re ever in town again, feel free to hit me up. We should get shrimp cocktails next time.”

Mark rolls his eyes, and a smile slowly creeps its way to his face. “This date was a failure then, am I right?”

“No, not a failure. Even if I don’t see you as anything more than a friend, I still like your company,” you say with a grin. “I’d still go on many non-dates with you if you want. But next time, honestly… I’d pick a different movie.”

“Whatever, Y/N. You should have said something about it earlier. I thought you were going to fall asleep or something.”

“And risk my face falling into a bag of greasy popcorn? Not a million years.”

Before Mark could even respond, his phone vibrates in his pocket, and you see the frantic expression on his face when he reads the text message. “Oh fuck. Johnny’s at a party, and he’s throwing up on the sidewalk so the Uber driver kicked him out,” he sighs loudly, running a hand through his brown locks. “Should I go get him?”

“It’s 11 PM and he’s already fucked up? Go get him! Are you going to let him just lay there?”

“I mean… Jaehyun’s there…”

“Does it look like Jae is sober enough to drive?” you deadpan, watching the boy in front shake his head in dismay.

Mark frowns, furrowed brows and all. “But what about you? The party is all the way on the other side of town. I was supposed to give you a ride home at least,” he quavers.

“I can manage getting home on my own. Plus, Chan’s home, if anything,” you reassure him with a firm hand on his arm. “You really need new friends.”

“I really do–you’re sure, right?” He asks again. Probably because he feels like a total ass for rain checking his non-date like that.

“Positive.”

With that, Mark hesitantly runs towards the parking lot, but not before a brief hug and an apologetic wave of his hand. The second he releases, you let out an exhale you feel as though you’ve been holding in since the date, or non-date. It feels great to finally be free without the constant pressure of “being on a date” burdening your chest. Jennie is so spot-on when it comes to shit like this. But don’t tell her that.

However, one good thing came out of this date: you can spike Mark’s drinks with seafood if he ends up pissing you off. Which is unlikely. Because he’s not Seo Changbin.

Because there’s no one quite like him.

Oh my God. Surely, something is messing with your head. Must be the stuffy, popcorn-y air in the movie theater—you need to get out of there.

(11:06 PM)

you: hey, wya

you: can you pick me up at the movies?

(11:07 PM)

channie bun: I told you I wasn’t gonna be home

channie bun: I’m out of town for today and tomorrow

you: what, why???

channie bun: internship… do you never listen?

(11:08 PM)

you: shit I forgot

you: okay nvm, I’ll call a ride or something

(11:09 PM)

channie bun: wait

channie bun: I texted bin

channie bun: he says he’s coming rn

(11:10 PM)

you: UM WHY WOULD YOU TEXT HIM???

you: HELLO

you: CHAN

(11:12 PM)

you: I KNOW YOU SEE MY MESSAGES YOU PIECE OF SHIT

(11:14 PM)

you: CHAN !!!

(11:15 PM)

you: at least have han pick me up…

(11:16 PM)

you: you’re adopted, mom told me :/

The phone in your hand finally vibrates, and you check the notifications nervously.

Of course, out of all the people in the world, Seo Changbin texts you. So much for making an effort not to interact with him.

(11:18 PM)

asshole™: your chariot awaits, princess ;)

seven.

The night finds you soaking beneath the neon lights outside the renovated theater with a slight pout on your lips as you kick aimlessly at the cement. There’s a stagnant stench of cigarette hides by the trash can, beer bottle shards on the asphalt, and graffiti cans littered in the sidewalk—fuck you, pollution.

But what can you expect? It’s downtown. Where hundreds of conversations are told in loud voices. Where the crowd is young and survives off strictly coffee and beer. Where dreams come true.

Maybe one day you’ll be in one of those ubiquitous skyscrapers that seem to form perfect grids against the smog-filled sky. The ones that stand taller than everyone else. The ones that flicker at night and become a faraway silhouette.

One day. But not now. Because a car honks into the night, slapping you back to reality.

You lift your head to see a familiar matte black Tesla parked obnoxiously in front of you, and the impatient owner honks again.

“I heard you the first time,” you grumble underneath your breath as you push down on the stupid handle of his stupidly nice car.

Changbin absentmindedly turns towards you and wiggles his brows, hands running along the brim of his steering wheel out of habit. “So… long time no see, princess.”

“Wish it were longer.”

You slip on your seatbelt and softly run your fingers on the leather seats of his car. No matter how hard to try to push him out of your mind, he always seems to appear somehow, like a ghost. And it definitely doesn’t help with the fact that you’re surrounded by the smell of him, his signature scent, musky cinnamon flakes and citrus peels.

“Woah, popcorn? You hate popcorn. Better not spill butter on my seats.”

“I didn’t buy it,” you mumble, a little surprised that he remembers your resentment towards flavorless corn kernels.

“I take that you’re on a date?” He guesses, eyeing your outfit of the night, and his lips form a thin line when you nod slowly. “Wow. Which poor soul did you pay to go on a date with you?”

You scoff, eyes narrowed in aggravation. He really knows how to fucking make your night even better. “For your information, Mark was the one who asked me on a date. And I had a great time, thank you so much for asking,” you lie. You had an alright time until Johnny stole your date away from you—which you’re totally holding him accountable for.

“So what? You’re dating him now?” Changbin asks flatly, slamming his foot on the gas pedal. He knows Mark as the kid from your other class. At 3 PM. The same guy he always sees you walking to the bus stop with. So unnecessary.

“Why does it matter to you? Last time I checked, it’s none of your business,” you riposte, clutching onto the seat belt when the car jerks forward.

“It doesn’t matter to me, Y/N. You can date whoever you want.” He grips his steering wheel tightly and completely gives you the cold shoulder.

The car feels significantly cooler now.

Wait.

You’ve known Seo Changbin long enough to see right through his thick skin, his tough facade, his tendency to use the “princess” pet name on you whenever he finds the opportunity to—and he’s just missed one. His eyes, which are usually full of mischief, are now narrowed angrily and throwing mental daggers at the road ahead. You haven’t seen him like this since he got in a fight with Jisung and nearly threw hands at him before Chan had to manually pull them apart.

But now… is he perhaps... throwing a tantrum?

“Are you jealous, Seo Changbin?” you giggle.

“Of what? Of you? Of him? Why would I even give two fucks about you and that nerd?” He seethes in conviction, refraining from completely pulling over at the curb and kissing you so you’d shut up about Mark.

“Gee, I don’t know. You seem pretty pressed about it,” you mention, even popping a kernel into your mouth. Seeing Changbin like this, it’s refreshing. “Why? Are you afraid that you’d have to find someone else to bother? Is that too much work for a privileged brat like you to handle?”

“So what, we’re playing 20 Questions now?”

There’s a sharp undercurrent to his usual calm voice, making you turn your head slightly to look at him. The smile only grows on your face. “Only if you answer my question,” you say, lips curling into a smirk. Is this what victory tastes like?

Hearing your response is enough for him to completely swerve the car and pull over to the curb.

Changbin stops and turns to look straight into your eyes, your shoulders burdening with the intensity of his piercing gaze; your cheeks feel hot all of a sudden. An astounding silence descends, and the only noise you hear for a while is the cars blaring in the metropolitan city.

After mustering up some courage, waiting for the blush on your cheeks to subside, you meet eyes with him and reciprocate. But as soon as you mustered up said courage, you divert your gaze to the bag of popcorn sitting beside your legs and decide that his gaze is too strong. You don’t remember Changbin ever looking like this, so serious and earnest, like he’s thinking hard about something.

“Hey,” you clear your throat to ease the tense atmosphere, “Answer my question, Seo.”

“Which one?” he asks, his intense gaze never leaving your face.

Again, you ask, “Are you jealous?”

“Why would I be jealous?” Changbin questions back, raising a challenge.

“You didn’t answer my question, you jerk. Quit avoiding it–”

“–are you dating him?”

You frown. Changbin clearly doesn’t know how 20 Questions work. You don’t know how much longer you can keep it up because you feel the persistent heat simmering beneath your skin and tinting your cheeks an annoying shade of coral. The thousands of pink blush variations at Sephora? Yeah, that’s how your face looks like.

“Answer my question first,” you demand, narrowing your eyes.

“Okay,” Changbin states, raising a dark brow, “I’m jealous. Your turn.”

“H-Huh?”

The stutter slips from your lips accidentally, and he inches forward with a devious gleam in his eyes, cornering you as your back hits the side of the car. You hate how weak you feel in this position.

“Answer my question, princess,” Changbin says, leaning further, lips dangerously close to yours.

“No, we’re not dating,” you huff, reciprocating his actions. If he’s trying to out-intimidate you, it’s not fucking working. At all.

“Good to hear.” He smiles internally—Mark was too good for you anyway.

You look at him through your lashes, testing the very limits of his restraint as your hands press up against his torso.

“Why are you jealous?” you prod.

Changbin feels your heartbeat beneath your palms, in sync with his, and momentarily, he lets his gaze fall to your lips then back to your eyes again. This nuance sparks your curiosity, and all you ever wonder is how his lips would feel on yours.

“Because,” he whispers sternly, tensing up at your close proximity, breaths mingling.

“Because isn’t an answer, Changbin.”

“It is if I say it is.”

Changbin is clenching his jaw, and you have to force yourself to blatantly ignore his firm biceps peeking out of the sleeves of his black t-shirt. The same one he wears all the time.

“Sometimes, I wonder how your head contains that gigantic ego of yours,” you hiss, anything to show him that you’re not wavering beneath his broad frame. The scent of him is so potent now that he’s this close to you. You hate his terribly sweet cologne.

“Glad you wonder about me,” Changbin hums, breath fanning across your cheeks when he speaks. His gaze travels southward as he hovers his lips frighteningly above yours. Your heart beats erratically, feels dizzy like you’ve downed a bottle of vodka, and you emit a soft sigh that prompts him to ask, “Do I make you uncomfortable, Y/N?”

"No."

Changbin’s eyebrows quirk upwards, leans even closer, and you’re not sure if you want to sneeze in his face or kiss his peachy lips. "What about now?" he asks, hands firmly planted on either side of your seat.

“If you’re going to kiss me, you might as well fucking do it because–"

Before you can properly spite him and give him a piece of your mind, he does the exact thing he’s been wanting to do all night.

Goosebumps rise on your skin when his lips smash against yours. Something akin to fireworks explodes inside you, bursts breathtakingly into the night and leaves a brilliant trail of dust behind. It’s otherworldly.

The subtle brush of his skin burns like fire, tears you apart from the seams. He’s patient, takes his time and kisses you like he’s always had the intention of doing so, like this isn’t a spur of the moment decision. It seems like he has no wish for the kiss to end, like he’s drunk on the taste of you and yearns for more to come.

And if you’re not mistaking it for anger or something, the heart ricocheting in your ribcage feels the same for him.

He’s all you want to know. Like all your thoughts have been obliterated the second he crashed his lips into yours and latched onto you. It’s his slightly chapped lips, his minty breath that tangles with yours, his tongue that presses on the seam of your lips. There’s something that you can’t quite put a finger on, and not-knowing is absolutely terrifying.

Changbin’s mouth repeatedly brushes against yours, but it’s his hand coming up to rest on your cheek that completely makes you melt in his touch. A bolt of electricity runs down your spine when you part your lips to meet him in the middle. You don’t usually say this the first time you kiss someone, but it’s everything you wanted and more.

It’s all suppressed feelings and catharsis, and as surreal as it seems, you don’t want to let go. Not when he’s holding you so fondly in his arms, his hair tickling the side of your cheeks, and your hands resting gently on his shoulders. You want to savor the moment for as long as you can before it disintegrates with time.

Even for moments after he parts, you think Changbin has never looked more beautiful than now when he’s gazing at you with stars twinkling in his obsidian irises, and maybe if you look hard enough, you can see whole galaxies splayed out in front of you.

It’s transcendental.

You’re so completely moon-struck by Seo Changbin that it makes you want to believe that somewhere beneath the hazy stars and obscurity of the moonlight, he feels just the same way for you because he’s not fucking around this time.

eight.

“You look like you have a broom stuck up your ass.” You glance up to see your brother walk in with a duffel bag and a carton of protein shakes in his hands. You don’t know why your parents trust him with the Costco card.

You frown, particularly at how Chan started the conversation. “You look like you’re adopted,” you retort pointedly and lay back down on the couch.

“Someone’s extra bitchy today. Why? Are you okay?”

“Me replying yes or no literally won’t make a difference.”

Chan scoffs, though slightly concerned. “What do you mean?” he asks, dropping his bags and sitting on the floor beside you like the okay brother he is.

You furrow your brows and respond, “I don’t know. I’m just confused, and I don’t know what to do. I really don’t know.”

On the contrary, Chan believes that he’s the best fucking brother in the universe because he knows exactly what’s up. A devious smile stretches across his features. “It’s Changbin, isn’t it?”

His name catches you off guard, and you’re brought back to the memory of the catastrophic (debatable) kiss from the night before. “What? I wasn’t even thinking about–”

“–kissing SpearB and making out in the backseat of his car. If you like him, then you like him. No need to be scared.”

“I am not scared!”

Chan raises his eyebrows. “You look terrified,” he deadpans.

“I do not! This is my normal face,” you raise your voice sharply, pinching your nose bridge to mask your indeed frightened face.

“But it’s about Changbin, isn’t it?”

“No. You can’t just assume that all my qualms are about him. He makes me angry and full of wrath and annoyed to the point where I want to ugh, not think about him. And apparently, you’re clearly not understanding the not thinking about him part,” you blurt in disbelief, sitting up abruptly.

All Chan hears is “not”, and when there are that many negations in a sentence, everything just cancels out. “My understanding has nothing to do with a part of whatever you two have going on. But if I’m not reading this wrong, I’d say that you have feelings for him,” he deduces with a smug smirk.

“You're delusional," you voice out of pure stress. “My feelings for him are of general distaste and overall animosity.”

Maybe if you recite it enough, you’d actually start to believe it.

“Like anyone’s going to believe that,” he says. Chan admires your stubbornness, but he’s not buying it because he can look you in the eye and pinpoint exactly when and what you’re lying about. It’s the perks of being an amazing brother, if he says so himself.

“I don’t like him, Chan,” you blurt in nothing but pure frustration.

“But what if he likes you?” he mentions softly, and that thought alone sends shivers down your spine, messes up your entire existence.

You’re appalled that Chan would say such a thing to perplex your apparent confusion even more.

“Why the fuck would you even say that,” you hiss, “Don’t be gross. How can he, the spitting epitome of a pompous fuckboy who has everything in the world at his feet, like someone like me? Doesn’t he have better things to do? Like counting dollar bills or polishing his trophies for being Asshole of the Century? I think your internship has killed your brain.”

“Um, Y/N. You might want to…”

“What, huh? Consider liking him? I don’t think I can burden myself with someone like him. If it weren’t for him being a part of 3RACHA and your best friend, I really don’t know how I tolerate him. The fact that he just openly intrudes into a conversation and thinks that he’s on a fucking pedestal makes me disgusted–”

Chan grabs your arm and forces you to look at him. “Y/N! Can you stop talking for a secon–”

“Let me finish, Chan. If Seo Changbin even thinks about liking me, I’ll have to break his heart. I’m gonna break it be–”

“Changbin…”

“What?” you erupt, annoyed and impatient at Chan for continuously interrupting your train of thought.

“My fucking god,” Chan mutters breathlessly and gets up from his seat, cutting you off, and you finally shut up to notice the grimace that has been on your brother’s face this entire time.

Your eyes widen in panic.

You realize and spin around immediately, but nothing is as immediate as the drop in your chest when you see the blank, taciturn expression on Changbin’s face. The sight of him like this hurts you so much that you think that you’d rather step on a bed of needles.

Changbin scoffs, only this time, the sound chills you to the bones.

“Chin up, princess. Or the crown slips.”

Without hesitation, he scowls and turns his heels, walking away from you quickly.

You know that episode of Once Upon a Time? Where the Evil Queen from Snow White seizes a heart from a box and crushes it with her bare hands until it all falls down and crumbles into dust particles? Imagine that but a hundred times worse—you’re disheartened, utterly destroyed, knowing that your words are the cause of his misery.

You’ve hurt the person you care about the most.

Coincidentally enough, you’re the one on the fucking pedestal whose pride doesn’t know when to come down, so you end up hurting the boy with the purest heart.

“Fucking hell, Y/N.” Chan presses his eyes shut and lets out an exasperated sigh, one that screams “you seriously fucked up this time”. He chases after his friend hurriedly, calling his name and begging him to come back.

You want to run after him, too, but your limbs feel like they’re nailed to the floor. Your chest constricts, your breathing is uneven, and you swallow hard, combatting the tears welling up in your eyes. The excruciating words that left your lips, you don’t mean them. Not a single one.

Only the stars know how much you regret hurting him, but that night, you’re met with a sky without stars.

nine.

The next few mornings, Changbin is like a ghost. Not because he’s constantly appearing in every second and minute of your life, but because he isn’t.

He’s not sitting on your sunken-in living room couch with his legs crossed and working on a new track despite the fact that you only have one shitty air conditioner in the entire household that barely works. You’d never say it, but in those moments, those mornings where you roll out of bed and see him bickering with Jisung about something as stupid as which burger has fewer calories, your feelings for Changbin has changed.

You have no idea how it happened.

Maybe it had to do with the fact that when he’s over, he always orders an extra orange creme smoothie for you and leaves it in the fridge. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he’s always managed to make you smile regardless of how pissed (at him) you were. But maybe it had to do with the fact that you’ve never actually hated him despite your words hinting otherwise.

You don’t hate it when you exchange pesky ripostes or when he’s nowhere near appropriate or when he’s bragging about whatever he did at a stupid party over the weekend. None of that really matters because he’s smiling and laughing that distinctive laugh of his that lights up the entire celestial sphere.

You’ve done an awful amount of thinking the past night because slumber is out of the question, and every time you close your eyes, you end up reliving the horror on Changbin’s face when he hears you unabashedly criticizing him. Your heart taps erratically, your shoulders tense up, your palms grow clammy. It’s seriously a pity how it takes a major fuck-up like that for you to come to the conclusion that yes, you’re scared—truly, unspeakably, undeniably terrified—about liking Seo Changbin.

It’s scary to fall for him because it’s such a passive and spontaneous experience. Like you’re just standing there and minding your own business and doing nothing, but he comes over and sweeps you off your feet nonetheless (maybe that’s where the expression comes from). You have no control over it, and you think that’s the part that rubs you the wrong way, drives you haywire.

Despite your resilience towards him, Changbin’s the only one who sits beside you, listens to you ramble, looks after you when you’re not even looking after yourself.

The last time you wholly embraced your feelings for him, you were in the ER (yeah, dramatically enough) and sitting on one of the benches outside the surgery room because Jennie had fucked up her knee when skateboarding down a slope and tumbled herself into one of those small vehicles that drive around campus. It doesn’t sound all that dangerous, but physics has taught you that if two objects are accelerating towards each other with a speed greater than zero, down an incline, the impact is going to hurt. So, the last time, you remember the nurses calling up Jennie’s emergency contacts (one being you) and saying that she’s gotten into a “car accident” with no further specifications other than the fact that she’s hurt and in surgery.

You remember dialing Changbin’s number and sobbing uncontrollably to him, all incoherent words and overall nasty crying, and it startled him so much that he ended up driving to your apartment in less than five minutes. You also remember him grabbing your hand and taking you to Jennie’s hospital, the same one in her university two whole hours away from yours. The last time, most importantly, you remember you were with him the entire way. In your pajamas. Past midnight. With his hand rubbing circles on your back.

With him, everything just seems to fall into place. No matter how chaotic the situation seems. Changbin’s always been there, somehow. You don’t remember how life was without him meddling with it and tossing it around. Perhaps, little did you know, he’s somehow manifested his way into your heart and built a house there. And right now, it’s yearning for its owner to come back home.

He has the purest, most beautiful of souls. One that shines brighter than all the bursting supernovas in the universe. Changbin is a person who takes matters into his own hands, ardently, like he gives everything his all and isn’t afraid to deal with the consequences. He loves you fiercely, like the blazing hearth of the fireplace, flickering and igniting a warmth within you.

If Changbin is fire, then you are ice. And you’d walk through flames to feel his warmth even if it means melting away forever. You’re sure of it now.

Because he knows your heart by heart.

It only hurts how you realize this after you threw his away.

He probably hates your guts. You even hate your guts. You don’t know how Jennie is calmly sitting in front of you and painting her nails a mauve color, pretending like everything’s okay. Because it’s not. You’re on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“I told you–”

“Don’t you dare say it. I know I messed up big! I don’t know what to say other than the fact that I fucked up.”

Jennie makes a face and holds her hand up with the one painted finger. “I was going to tell you how good this color looks on me… but yeah, honestly… you really fucked up,” she announces, mirroring the dreadful expression on your face.

Burying your face in your hands, you sigh as she scoots her leather office chair closer to the bed, right next to your reclined figure. You’re aware that she’s blinking slowly and waiting for you to speak up because you’re emotionally restrained, but you don’t want to. You’d prefer not to, for the most part, but Jennie doesn’t give a shit about what you want or don’t want. She knows what’s best for you.

“So, have you spoken to him?”

You swallow the lump of uneasiness in your throat, urging to lodged words to come out syllable by syllable. “I haven’t seen or talked to him since I’ve last seen him two days ago. I feel so bad, Jen. I don’t know anymore.”

“Why haven’t you made up with him?”

“Because he hates me.”

“That’s not true,” she claims like the Local Love Expert she is. “He could never hate you.”

Furrowing your brows defensively, you argue, “Even if he didn’t hate me before, he probably hates me now. I hurt him, took his feelings and crushed them. Doesn’t matter whether he liked me or not because I hurt him as a person. And after everything he’s done for me! I feel like such an asshole.”

Jennie leans forward. “Then why did you say those things about him? If he’s so important to you.”

“Because I am a dumb bitch who fell for him, and I have too much pride and dignity to admit it,” you pout sadly, “I’m a coward.”

“Why is falling for him dumb? It’s never dumb to fall for someone because we’re all subjective to feelings. Plus, I don’t know if you’re blind or visually challenged, but Seo Changbin actually likes you. If not, why else would he storm off like that and not contact you for days? If he’s really the fuckboy you claim he is, then why hasn’t he moved onto someone else?” she continues and gets more heated with every word she says, like a professor who’s way too into her lecture about left vs. right-wing politics.

Your mouth opens and then snaps close. Her words replay in your mind as you take your sweet ass time processing them, the little gears in your brain churning and searching for answers.

Jennie sees your stupefied expression and simpers in glee. “That’s right. Be speechless and listen to me. Just because you’re scared doesn’t mean that you have to condemn your feelings for him. He’s not some sort of plague you feel the need to avoid. Changbin’s just as human as you are,” she plants a hand on top of your knee, “Sure, you might have disliked him before, but now it’s entirely something else. Change isn’t always bad, Y/N. Sometimes it works.”

She makes everything seem okay, even if it’s really not. However, at this moment, it feels okay.

“I’m scared to face him,” you admit helplessly, chewing on the inside of your bottom lip nervously.

“Are you going to live with that guilt and regret instead?” she shrugs, narrowing her cat-like eyes. There’s a petty look on her face as if to say, “if you don’t make it up to him, I’m going to platonically break up with you and return all your belongings in a box on your doorstep”. Because she, too, likes Changbin more than anyone you’ve ever crushed on.

“I can’t.”

“Then?” Jennie questions, trusting that you know what to do now that you’ve openly confessed everything to her.

Then, you let out a huge exhale.

You clutch your phone and race all the way back home. For the first time, you feel like your lungs might collapse sooner than your legs do, but that’s not going to stop you because you’re going to apologize to Seo Changbin even if it means taking your last breath.

ten.

A big commotion startles you when you enter your house. Chan and Jisung are standing apprehensively alongside one another and frantically fumbling around with their phones and calling and texting. You remove your headphones and wonder what they’re fussing over. They’re usually a cohesive mess, especially Jisung, but you’ve never seen Chan this frazzled.

“Y/N, you’re in so much trouble,” Chan says as soon as he sees you walk in.

“W-What? What does that mean?” A sharp prick pierces your chest, and you feel nauseous before you even hear him out.

Jisung shakes his head at you, like he’s completely baffled by your inquiry. Like he’s debating if you have rights. “Changbin hasn’t contacted us for two days. Today is the day we drop our new mix on SoundCloud, and he’s nowhere to be found,” he mentions, pointing an accusing finger in your direction. “What have you done to him, Y/N? I’ve never seen him like this.”

Your heart drops fifty meters below sea level and stays there, drowns. “I-I don’t know. What if he’s at home? His phone’s off? He never has his phone off,” you mumble frantically.

“We’ve checked his house, called his apartment-mates, and physically drove to all of his favorite study spots. You tell me, Y/N, where is Changbin? It’s been two days. Do you know how much can happen in two days?” Jisung upbraids, groaning loudly when Changbin’s phone goes directly to voicemail.

“I don’t know where he is! I was planning to come home and ask you guys where he was so I could apologize to him!” Your voice is drenched in worry and urgency. God, what the hell have you done?

“Well he hasn’t been here in forever because a certain someone ruined the entire atmosphere,” the younger boy chides, burdening your guilt and running it over like a freight train.

Chan tuts. “Can you at least text him? Maybe he’ll respond to you and not us.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll text him,” you say hurriedly, brushing away your fear and shakily taking your phone into your hands.

(6:37 PM)

you: where are you?

you: i’m so sorry about everything… can we talk?

you: please tell me where you are

you: this isn’t fucking funny

(6:38 PM)

you: everyone’s worried about you

The ache in your chest blossoms when you’re about to text him “I’m worried about you”. You almost hit the send button, but your fingers freeze in place when you remember to prioritize finding him before spilling your heart out.

“Fuck, he’s not answering… I’ll just call,” you decide, and you press the phone to your ear right after.

Your call goes straight to voice message, like Jisung’s. “Why isn’t he picking up? This is so fucking petty of him! I’m going to kick his ass so hard when I find him.”

Chan sees you grabbing his car keys by the coffee table and stops you before you could run out. “Y/N, don’t bother. We’ve already checked everywhere. You’re better off waiting for him to respond instead of aimlessly wandering the streets looking for him,” he tells you.

You shrug his hand away. “I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t fucking sit here and wait for him to respond because I know he won’t.”

“Oh, so now you’re going after him? After you shrugged him off hundreds of times? Isn’t it too fucking late?” Jisung reprimands, genuinely annoyed at the foolishness of your actions. Because yes, you are a fool when it comes to him. When it comes to love. “You think that just because you say sorry, that everything’s going to be fine again? You pulled a dumbass move, dude.”

“Yes, I know! You don’t have to keep reminding me, Han,” you grit. “I’m going to make it up to him even if it means giving him my kidney or lung or whatever he needs!” Or your heart if he’ll have it, but you don’t tell him that.

The boy scoffs. “Yeah, right. Quit talking big. See if you can find him first.”

You make absolutely no attempt to argue with him.

All you do is look intently in his eyes with the determination of someone who’s about to go off to war and say, “Fine.”

When you hobble out with keys firmly grasped in your hands, you feel like death when unnerving images consume your brain. What if he really is missing? What if he’s hurt? What if he desperately wants to go home but cannot because he’s kidnapped by a serial killer? Maybe he fits the killer’s victimology and–you have to stop yourself before you go insane.

But then you stare at your phone, and with your heart in your throat, you open his chatbox. And when you open it, only to see a little inscription that says “Read 6:42 PM”. Your throat clogs, eyes fog up, and for the longest time, you break down into tears of relief.

eleven.

“Do you think she bought that?”

“Bro, you’re so mean to my sister!”

Jisung laughs, clutches his stomach with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Tell me CB,” he leans back on the couch and crosses his legs, “Was that some Oscar-level acting or what? Leonardo DiCaprio who? Denzel Washington who?”

Chan gapes, baffled. “You really know how to piss the crap out of someone. How do you sleep every night knowing that?”

“With a teddy bear and a blankie,” he says, completely unfazed by Chan’s abrasive comment. “So now what?”

“Now we wait.”

“With pizza?”

Chan sighs, falls back onto his chair, and just looks at him for a moment. “I mean,” he decides, considering his bank account then, slowly, “Sure, whatever. Just take my card.”

“Do you text her the location or do I?”

“We’ll decide after the pizza.”

His friend groans at his response. “SpearB is either going to thank us or strangle us, but fuck it. What toppings?”

Chan thinks that Changbin’s definitely going to thank them and strangle them all at once. Not lethally. Just metaphorically. Because he’s too overly soft for you to think about anything else. “Pepperoni and sausage,” he says.

And now, they can properly wait.

twelve.

“Please leave a message after the tone. When you are finished you may hang up or press–”

You’re staring at the screen of your phone, freaking out over the fact that it’s hanging by a thread at twenty percent, which is not nearly enough to last you several more phone calls and many more instances of double-texting. Of course, that’s all you’ve been doing for the past hour. Like Chan said, they’ve checked everywhere and so have you.

The night passes by in a blur of honking cars and mindless chatter, and somehow, you find yourself wandering the streets of Old Town where the maze of narrow winding streets is as complex as the heart. The sky is diffused with pinks and blues. The streets lamps are aglow. You trail alongside the cobblestone steps until you reach the town center where flocks of pigeons gather and buskers with open guitar cases line up for spare change.

With buildings three and four stories high and street jammed with cars (you must have lucked out finding parking), everything is hustle and bustle, especially around nightfall because closing Mom-and-Pop stalls are hollering out prices and throwing bouquets of flowers out on the streets in buckets, trying their very best to sell out on today’s inventory. In the distance, the aroma of large iced cinnamon buns hits your nostrils, and you’re actually tempted to buy one until you remember that you’re not here for yummy pastries.

You can’t, not when there’s a bittersweet taste left in your mouth.

When you check your phone, it’s at fifteen percent, and you receive a notification with a red battery on it.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you mumble stiffly, but then, your phone vibrates in your hand.

(7:49 PM)

han bby: hey, where r u?

(7:50 PM)

you: why, DID HE FINALLY TEXT YOU?

han bby: yeah

han bby: he’s at a wedding on the rooftop of the hilton

(7:51 PM)

you: like the hilton hotel ???

han bby: duh

you: tf is he at a wedding…

han bby: so what, can his cousin NOT get married now?

(7:52 PM)

you: when does it end :/

han bby: why tf are u waiting for it to end

han bby: you just go

you: i don’t have an invitation you headass

you: i can’t just walk in and sit down

han bby: you can now :)

(7:53 PM)

you: i can’t

han bby: are you seriously going to let bin dance with someone else other than you?

you: um, no. he’s mine.

(7:54 PM)

han bby: thought so

And you can’t even object.

Not because Jisung convinced you. Not because you’re jealous at the thought of Seo Changbin dancing with some other girl and putting his hands on her waist and holding her close (even though you are avidly salty). But because you��ve somehow found yourself in Old Town, and among the houses and apartments piled on top of each other with a series of interlacing alleyways that zigzag all the way down to the fountain, there’s the Hilton in all it’s expensive glory.

So really, how do you object?

You’re far too spooked to question fate when it’s this conspicuous. It’s been apparent to you the second you found parking in, out of all places, the center of tourism.

You swallow down your nerves with a gulp, taking a deep breath before walking through the polished glass doors of the Hilton and make a beeline to the first elevator you see. You’ve managed to push through the buff security guard standing in the lobby as you scurry your way across the marble floors. Even he senses it—no way in hell are you willing to pay for a room in the Hilton, but he’s probably too antsy for his dinner break to stop you. Marching inside the golden elevator, you hit the button to the eighteenth floor.

It’s been confirmed that the Seo Family is undeniably rich because rooftop weddings are probably the easiest way to burn money. What kind of financial goals.

“Are you here for the wedding too?” A girl in posh attire asks, dainty wallet in her hands and sleek ponytail on her head, but what stood out to you was her sharp cat-eye wing. She must have seen you press the button to the eighteenth floor.

“Um, yeah,” you tell a white lie. “I’m actually running a little late. Excuse me for the lack of appropriate attire.” Your cheeks flare when you see your reflection in the elevator. In fact, shorts and a blouse are nowhere along the lines of appropriate. Gosh, why did he have to be attending a wedding and not bowling or something?

The girl narrows her eyes at you. “Are you a friend or family member of the bride?” she asks further.

“Something like that,” you say, not knowing if you can keep up with the lie any longer.

“In that case… I think I might have something for you to change in,” she grabs your arm and stops the elevator at the twelfth floor, “I’m Chaerin by the way, cousin of the bride, and I have her hotel keys.”

You eyes round in panic. “No, it’s fine! You don’t have to go through that hassle for me! You’re already running late, and I’d hate to ruin the wedding for you.”

The female ignores your pleas and drags you down the hallway to the room. “Puh-lease,” she laughs. “The priest spends about one hour yapping about their accomplishments and introducing every member of the immediate family. And how do you think you’re going to get past the security guards in sneakers?”

“I cry a little and race to the altar?”

“That’s cute, but I doubt that you would want to marry a groom twice your age,” Chaerin teases when she scans the hotel key. “Okay, um, it’s sort of a mess, but let me find my luggage somewhere.”

“A mess?” You gape noticeably at the suite with city views, a king-sized bed that sleeps three people easily with extra legroom, and dreamy commodities like a complimentary breakfast bar and rainfall showerheads. Rich people have rich standards, you know that now.

You step inside cautiously, feeling extremely out of place. “Chaerin, I don’t think this is a good idea…”

“Aha!” She exclaims, hauling her luggage on the bed without breaking one of her perfect red acrylics, and lays out her outfits one by one. “I know. This is a great idea. A damn genius idea! You can test out my new Paris line.”

“P-Paris line?” You nearly trip over your words. How many other lines does she have? Seo Changbin has some affluent relatives.

“Yes, Paris. Like the city where dreams come true and where pickpockets thrive,” she responds absentmindedly as she runs her hands over several dresses and jumpsuits laid out onto the bedsheets. “What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

Chaerin stands up straight with her hands on her lips, looks over at you with a fierce glint in her eyes. “Okay Y/N, if you don’t work one of these outfits tonight, I’m trashing the entire line and starting over. Do you understand?”

You inhale, exhale. “That’s an awful amount of pressure, but I’ll try my best.” Considering you have an entire season’s clothing line resting in the palm of your hands, you feel like you’re about to piss yourself.

“Have your pick.”

Your eyes immediately gravitate towards the simple black jumpsuit with gold accents and a subtle flare opening for the bottoms. “They’re all amazingly gorgeous, but I think I might have to go with this one,” you say. The fabric feels like cotton candy clouds at the pads of your fingertips, so light as if you’re not even touching it with your mortal hands. It’s easily the most expensive thing you’ve ever had the luxury of feeling.

With that, Chaerin smiles and shuffles you into the bathroom to get changed, slamming the bamboo door behind you.

Eventually, you change out of the clothes and pull the jumpsuit over yourself, letting the bottoms fall to the floor as the silky fabric drapes comfortably around your legs. You pull the top all the way up to the neckline and adjust the loose strands of hair framing your face. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you hardly recognize yourself, and you don’t know if it is something you can pull off and save Chaerin’s Paris line. The jumpsuit looks great on its own, on a hanger, on a rack, with a hefty price tag clipped to it, but you don’t know if it looks good on you.

You pop your head out from the bathroom. “Is it okay?” you ask, standing awkwardly as you hold your arms wide.

Chaerin claps her hands together and beams, grabbing your shoulders and turning you a full 360 to admire you in her very creation. “Paris is saved,” she says in a hushed whisper. “All you need… is this.”

She hooks a necklace around your neck before you even get the chance to decline, and the cool metal falls gently on your décolletage, tying the entire look of the evening together. “Now, everything is… wait… shoes,” she urges you to change into a pair of silver-lined sandals, “Now, everything is perfect. You’re stunning, Y/N.”

“Oh, thank you,” you say, not knowing how to respond to the compliment because Chaerin is so magnificent and elegant that you’re at a loss for words. “I promise to return it right after. You’re truly a godsend.”

“No need to, keep it. It’s like the jumpsuit was made for you, and it’s just waiting for you to crash a perfectly nice wedding in. Totally badass,” Chaerin insists, not taking no for an answer.

You know better than to argue with her because, Chaerin. “Thank y–wait… crash a wedding? You know I don't have an invitation?” you confess guilty, terribly ashamed for lying to her after everything she’s done for you.

“Trust me. I know everyone on the bride’s side of the family, and you’re here for something entirely different… so spill.”

So, you can’t help but spill because Chaerin, and Charin’s eyes staring deep into your soul and digging for answers, and Chaerin’s terrifying presence when you rub her the wrong way. “I’m here to make it up to a friend I hurt. And I hate that I hurt him because he’s not any of the things I called him. I need to make it right to him before it’s too late. Considering that I’m here… I don’t think I have another option but to crash the wedding, which I previously did not know there was even a wedding… but I assure you that nothing is going to happen to the bride and groom because he’s not the groom but a relative of the bride–”

Chaerin holds a hand up to stop you from rambling her ears off, and your jaw snaps close obediently.

“Listen, that is so disgustingly cute, but you’re not crashing the wedding tonight,” she starts off, her tone serious.

“Oh…” Your heart drops at her answer.

“Because you’re my plus-one now! And front row seats!” Chaerin finishes and takes your hand in hers, marching you en route to the rooftop wedding.

Oh.

thirteen.

Your mind begins to wander when Chaerin’s walking you past the reception and onto the rooftop terrace where the wedding is currently taking place.

It’s a special wedding.

The guests are seated in a sweeping panorama while the rustic buildings of Old Town and city skyscrapers in the far backdrop contradict one another in an abstract poised against a pale blue skyline. As the night descends, street lights and a panoply of stars illuminate the horizon, creating an urban aerie. Avantgarde light fixtures line the ceiling, glittering up the atmosphere, rose petals raining. Here, it seems like an ethereal fairytale, one so dreamlike that you wish to stay asleep forever, even if your just someone’s plus-one.

Chaerin takes your arm and positions you right in front of the altar (front row as she had promised) in the only two available seats. It’s like everyone knows that she’s bound to bring a guest, like a swanky gentleman, because, Chaerin (you’ve only known her for fifteen minutes, but you can guess her personality pretty spot-on). However, no one expected her to bring a guest like you, someone who was originally wearing something as tragic as sneakers to a classy wedding.

A clandestine breath escapes your lips, and nervously, you look down to check your phone. Surprisingly enough, you still have ten percent battery… maybe you can save that until you have a chance to text Changbin.

“Told you we’d make it in time. They’re barely on the vows,” Chaerin whispers in your ear, tucking a loose strand behind. “Stop being so stiff, Y/N. You’re working my new Paris line.”

“Right, sorry,” you mumble before sitting up a bit straighter.

“Also, my idiot cousin is sitting beside you. He’s pretty cute, right? And he looks around your age too!” Your new friend nudges your ribs, and you fight the urge to laugh aloud. You’re not here to meet cute boys, you’re here to make it up to one cute boy, singular. Regardless, you thought you’d give her the time of day and indulge in her matchmaking, so you turn to glance over at her so-called “idiot cousin”.

A small gasp escapes your lips.

Beside you is Changbin, and the first thought that pops into your mind is how beautiful he looks and that it feels like eons since you’ve last seen his stupid face. Granted, it’s only been two days, but you miss seeing him. You miss him. You miss him so fucking badly.

You know he sees you too because his expression mirrors your aghast and slightly overwhelmed one.

The next thing that pops in your mind is that dark colors compliment him especially well, you decide when you catch a glimpse of his black silk button-down underneath his black suit jacket, tailored to fit every curve and indent of his body. His hair is styled up, and you can openly tell that he’s avoiding your gaze, eyes glued to the base of the altar. All he’s doing is sitting there, with his hands clasped on his lap in front of him, listening intently to the vows with a blank expression.

You don’t know about him, but you’re not sure if you can focus on the vows when he’s sitting beside you like this.

The crowd erupts into laughter at the groom’s vow, and you will yourself to look forward. Weddings usually make you cry, but this time, you’re far too distracted to even think about crying—even if you do, it won’t be because of the wedding.

What you do try to catch, however, are the bits and pieces of the vows. Apparently, their engagement has been a long time coming, ever since the second they laid eyes on each other across the great library on their university campus during finals week, where the groom thought he was utterly fucked over statistics and the bride thought she could help him Not Flunk the class. You guess some people just work that way, like grains of sand settling onto the ocean floor. The couple sounds like they’ve been together for a damn long time; no long distance, no arguments, no problems. Just picture-perfect love.

They’re glowing with tears and love, holding each other’s hands, gazing into each other’s eyes as they smile and finish their vows. They are the only stars in the room, in their galaxies, because the love they have for each other holds everything together like gravity.

In the face of love, everyone cries and loses their thought, including Chaerin who is trying her best not to mess up her eyeliner. And you’re no exception because the watering of your eyes has fogged up your vision so much that everything’s a blur, glistening, but you refuse to let the tears fall. Not now. Not in front of Changbin.

You keep your eyes glued to the newlyweds when they share their first kiss as husband and wife, and everyone bursts into cheers and applause. But your train of thought is still trapped on Changbin. On the way his heart shattered when he stormed out the front door. On how much he’s loved you throughout the years and you’ve just been too dumb and too blind to see it. On how he’s sitting beside you, hurt, because you’ve hurt him.

If only you can turn back time.

Suddenly, when the guests all stand up and filter out of their seats to congratulate the newlyweds, you make eye contact with Changbin, but he breaks it just as briefly, brushes you off like you’ve never existed in the first place. But behind that stoic expression, you see pain and resistance, like he has to wrestle himself to look away from your eyes, from you. And he stands and follows the rest of the guests into reception.

He leaves you with your heart collapsing, the walls crumbling down in ruins. You must look like a trainwreck in front of him, and you’re not even mad at him for ignoring you—you can’t—because you don’t have a right to be mad. You made no effort to chase after him, so of course he would leave you. What goes around comes around. It’s just karma. Leaves you feeling worse than death because it’s burying you alive.

You don’t realize that you’re crying until Chaerin reaches up to brush away the tears that fall from your eyes with the pad of her thumb.

fourteen.

Dinner was… quite torturous because you learned, today, that the members of the Seo Family are not only rich but also have a penchant for tormenting you.

Chaerin seems to have noticed the tension between you and her idiot cousin, so she pulls all the strings she could possibly pull with her wine red acrylics and makes sure that you sit beside Changbin. And let’s just say that dinner was difficult, in fact, excruciating when you feel the body heat radiating off him and his hand constantly brushing against yours.

To torment you even further, the bride and groom are having their first dance, and the song that plays is:

Wise men say only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you?

Just your luck. That one Crazy Rich Asians song. How fitting.

Even more, Chaerin kicks your knee with her stiletto heels, and you wince when you see her not-so-subtly motioning towards Changbin as if she’s saying “kiss him already, you brat”. You elect to ignore her with the remaining courage you have because now seriously isn’t the right time. It’s too noisy, too many people.

Soon, you think Changbin has felt suffocated enough by your lingering presence because he gets up from his seat and excuses himself with a soft, “I’m going to get some fresh air.”

Before you could lose him in the crowd and before Chaerin could even think about kicking your shin again, you’re already following him through crystal chandeliers and marble pillars, footsteps tapping against the embossed white wood panels of the ballroom. You politely shove through the sea of people, mumbling light apologies along the way until you reach the final pillar leading up to the balcony.

“Changbin,” you call out, though his back profile firmly faces you. He stares ahead, at the traffic below, at the stars above, but not at you.

You appear beside him, footsteps coming to a halt, slightly out of breath. “Changbin, I have something to tell you,” you plead, hoping he would spare a glance at you. After all, you did almost crash a wedding for him. The least he could do was listen to you.

Changbin turns his head away from you, but you persist anyway and walk to the other side. “Park says that compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world, but I think he’s wrong,” you tell him justifiably.

He narrows his eyes in confusion. “Did you come all the way here and befriend my cousin just to tell me that?” Changbin asks, still not meeting your gaze.

“No–well, yes–but mostly no. I came here to tell you that Park sucks ass because I got rejected to the business program in New York and that he’s wrong about the eighth wonder of the world because it’s not compound interest… because it’s you… because it’s a wonder how you’re still here despite all the stupid things I’ve said and done to you,” you confess, staring at the tiles beneath your shoes. “I’m sorry, Bin. I really am.”

“Really? Don’t waste your time apologizing to the spitting epitome of a pompous fuckboy who has everything in the goddamn world. I’d hate to burden you, Y/N, and inconvenience you for apologizing. Because that’s all I am. A fucking burden on top of a pedestal,” Changbin scoffs, rolling his eyes as he glances away from you.

With every word he quotes, tears pile up in your eyes. You don’t mean them, you really don’t, but how do you convey that to him?

“I don’t mean them. I’m just–I know I have no excuse to say those things behind your back,” you face the ground, “I’m just scared, okay? I don’t like admitting to things.”

“Scared of what?” he snaps assertively. “Is admitting that you’re my friend so terrifying because you’d have to give up an arm or a leg? Is it so detrimental because I’m a fucking embarrassment or something?”

“No, it’s not like that!” You shake your head repeatedly to show him exactly how much you don’t mean your words. “You’re not an embarrassment.” There are more words on the tip of your tongue threatening to spill, but something is still holding you back.

Changbin furrows his brows and emits a bitter laugh into the night air, nodding his head sarcastically, a skeptic of your words. “Then what is it? What are you so scared of? Is there some monster hiding beneath your bed at night–”

“–no! It’s not that!” You heave a sigh and blink your tears away, clutching his arm and forcing him to look you in the eye because he’s being ridiculous right now. Despite you liking him, all it takes is Seo Changbin to say something completely absurd and offhand to frustrate you into fessing up. “I’m scared of you! Of liking you! Of my stupid feelings for you! Because apparently, miraculously, they’ve evolved into something other than overall dislike and general distaste!”

“Right,” he responds, unconvinced. “Is that why you’re going to break my heart afterward? Have you ever considered my feelings towards you? It’s funny how you call me the fuckboy when you’re out here fucking with my feelings.”

“You left before you could even listen to the whole thing!” you protest through glossy eyes. “Talk about some shitty eavesdropping skills.”

Changbin pauses and continues, “Okay. Then tell me.”

“I only said I was going to break your heart because I was positive that you were going to break mine first. So maybe if I just continued hating you, then I could convince myself that you’re just another boy I ended up having almost feelings for.”

“What makes you so positive that I’m going to break your heart?” he asks. You don’t miss the way his midnight eyes begin to light up and the trace of a smile that dances across his lips, hesitant but blooming.

“Because you’re Seo Changbin.”

The boy only chuckles and holds onto your bare shoulders. His hands are so warm and soft, and you don’t realize how much you’ve missed them until you feel them again. “I’m aware of my name, princess,” he says softly, eyes sparkling.

The heart blossoms in your chest as the nickname plays a symphony to your ears, leaves you wondering what else awaits on his lips.

“I thought you were known for breaking hearts,” you respond to him. “You’re so damn cocky and annoying at times. It doesn’t seem like you ever take things seriously, because you don’t need to, you already have everything in the world. But that’s just me misunderstanding you completely. You hide a lot of things about yourself, Bin. You’re humble even when people praise your music, and you do this dumb thing where you press your chin in when you’re embarrassed by compliments. You’re selfless when it comes to your friends–there are a handful of times where you had to deal with Chan because he’s so annoyingly stubborn when it comes to producing stuff. You take the extra step in making everyone feel comfortable… because you always have a smile on your face when you approach someone. You’re cool, I guess.”

“You guess?” Changbin repeats playfully, holds your hand to his chest as he presses it to his beating heart. “If I'm so cool, when did you start liking me then?”

Pink taints your cheeks as you see the fond smile on his lips. “The first time was probably during that one extra credit opportunity Park bestowed upon us. The artificial intelligence talk.”

“I spilled coffee all over you.”

“Okay, but you gave me your hoodie that night.”

“Oh my god, you’re so fucking cute.”

You feel the heat igniting your cheeks and tipping your ears. “Shut up! I am not cute!” you hiss in denial.

“No. You’re stunning, did you know that? Breathtaking. Even without Chaerin’s help, you’d easily be the prettiest person at the wedding,” he adds unhelpfully to the pink blossoms on your cheeks. Always so unnecessary.

“But,” you fight the blush, “I’m sorry for saying those things about you. I’m sorry for not telling you about my feelings. I’m sorry for assuming things. I’m sorry a million times, a billion times, and a million more times because you’re the most amazing person in my life,” you hiccup.

Words spill from your mouth like stardust and ascend into the cosmos above. A weight lifts from your chest.

Changbin suppresses a smile and raises a brow. “The most amazing person in your life? The eighth wonder in your world? Going against Park? The audacity! If I’m not mistaken, Y/N, it seems as though you’re in love with me,” he says, voice deep and huskier than you’ve ever heard it, when he shortens the distance between your bodies.

You mentally roll your eyes at how insufferable he can be even as you’re pouring your heart out to him. “Fuck, I guess I’m in love with you then,” you confess.

“Aren’t you afraid that I’ll break your heart?” he challenges, noses brushing.

“Then I’ll crush yours. Like a bug.”

“You hate bugs.”

Your eyes trace the arch of his lips before replying, “Exactly. So don’t make me have to do it.”

Changbin smiles breathlessly and gives you a small nod before closing his eyes until they disappear into the shadows of his lashes.

You’re not clear when in time his lips meet yours, but when they do, it’s just the two of you in the galaxy, moving silently in each other’s orbits. He dusts kisses over every inch of your blushing features, gently like you’re the most fragile thing in the world, like you’re the moon to his sun, until you feel like there’s champagne coursing through your veins. The stars are aligned, the fates are written in stone, and everything falls into place—miraculously—because love’s just like that.

His kisses warm your body from the inside out and spark a fire from within that glows brightly for him. The flames curl and sway, flicker this way and that, and you hold your hands out to get just a little more of the gentle heat.

For so long, your heart feels like its owner is finally home.

When you part with tugging heartstrings and rosy cheeks, you push him away and ask, “Wait, when did you start liking me?”

“I mean, I’ve always sort of liked you. Then you said those things about me to Chan, and I knew they were out of spite. A part of me knew you were just throwing a fit because you’re always somewhat angry at something, but I was genuinely upset because what if that was really how you thought of me? Some fuckboy who plays around because he has all the money in the world.” Changbin looks down and starts to play with your fingers.

His lips quirk upwards knowingly. “I don’t care what other people think of me because, in the end, they’re just other people. They’re not you. And maybe… I do care about what you think of me because I really like you. Like for real. Like you’re the eighth wonder of my fucking world–which is a terrible way to start a conversation by the way. But honestly, you drive me insane, have been from the start.”

“You drive me insane too. I nearly crashed a wedding for you. Like full on t-shirt and sneakers at a formal wedding,” you mumble, face buried in the crook of his neck, and his hand caresses the small of your back, brings you even closer.

“You know you could have easily told me all of this after the wedding, right?”

“No,” you protest, making a face. “I don’t want you dancing and holding someone else’s hand and staring lovingly into their eyes. Gross.”

Changbin laughs at your appalled expression, his voice like sweet honey gold. “Are you jealous?” he asks.

“I’m not not jealous.”

“The negations cancel each other out. So, you are jealous.”

“When are you going to stop being annoying?” you deadpan.

He pulls you in for a crushing hug, and you feel like you have the entire universe in your arms when he says, “I will never stop annoying you.”

As his words spill into space, you smile in contentment, and that’s when you know that you’ll have him until every last star in the galaxy dies.

You know this because, since the very beginning of time, before the chemistry of the cosmos was created, before the sun and the moon and the stars, before the seven (or eight) wonders of the world, you were already set on him.

And across the sea of space, he was set on you.

note:

phew, thank you so much for reading this & if you enjoyed, please hit like or reblog or hmu in my inbox ( for wattpad, comment !!!) and scream to me about loving bin or me being annoying and talking too much about loving bin :D ilysm and please take care of yourself until the next fic !!!

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coffeewaff1e · 4 years ago

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This is my opinion on Kimi’s merch. I just wanna say that I also love this man a lot, he was basically why I fell in love with the sport itself. I’ve supported this man for his driving and interview ways but that doesn’t mean I agree with everything he does.

The merch line I’m talking about is the one with West Coast Choppers (WCC), founded by Jesse James (JJ). Things will be hyperlinked for easy reference. This gets very long. I’m long-winded.

So in case you didn’t know, Kimi’s merch has raised some eyebrows due to certain symbols on them that could point towards the Nazi Party. Namely being his face mask and t-shirt design as seen below:

Now, where does the Nazi symbolism come in? Let me start with the face mask. On the right of “7″, there is a symbol, and it’s supposed to point towards WCC, since it is their logo (1st in collage below).

However, it is more commonly known as an Iron Cross (2nd pic below) and it has been in use for a very long time, ever since 1813 as a military decoration. Nazi Germany picked it up in 1933, with an added swastika in the centre (3rd pic below). Now compare those three and look at the logo of WCC, pretty damn similar right?

The Iron Cross, with the swastika, is still unfortunately used by and seen on neo-Nazis. It’s also recognised as a hate symbol. In the article linked, it is said that bikers adopted the Iron Cross to add “shock value” or to signify rebellion and as time went on, it became a logo used by many on clothing, equipment, etc. So we do have to keep in mind what context we see the Iron Cross in, as it’s not always representing neo-Nazism or white supremacy.

JJ has said before that his logo is actually based on the Maltese Cross (2nd pic below), and I don’t need my glasses to see that they’re very different.

Instead I think he might’ve actually been referring to the Cross Pattée (3rd pic below), which is a similar cross that at times, is mistakenly referred to as the Maltese Cross. However, it is worth noting that the Iron Cross is recognised as a variant of the Cross Pattée. (mentioned in the Wiki articles of Cross Pattée and Maltese Cross)

So, the WCC logo is a Cross Pattée, which the Iron Cross is a variant of, but definitely not a Maltese Cross, as stated by JJ.

So now you would say, it’s a Cross Pattée, not an Iron Cross, therefore there’s no link to Nazis. I can agree with you on that, it is a stretch to connect the 2 at this point, but let me add more context as I go along in this post. Bear with me.

Moving on to the t-shirt design.

“Kimi” is designed with a lightning bolt for the “K”, to represent him being fast, as seen from the t-shirt’s name, “Kimi Fast As Heck Tee”.

Though...there is also a hate symbol that depict lightning bolts, called the SS Bolts (seen below). As you can tell from the name, it’s also related to neo-Nazism and white supremacy. You might say, “both bolts (“K” and SS bolt) are different”, which I agree they are, but who in their right mind would copy it so blatantly? Would you want WCC to add another bolt? Make the base of the bolt in the “K” to be flat as well? This is already after they’ve been accused before of using Nazi symbols and having their merch outright banned for it.

Like the Iron Cross, the bikers adopted it for themselves. So, we cannot say for sure that just because they sport this symbol, they’re bad.

I know lightning bolts are used EVERYWHERE. Even Harry Potter had one on his forehead...does that mean he’s bad too?! No. With context provided, things can change. So if the books had mentioned Harry doing salutes with his right hand and swastikas decorating his room then that bolt would mean something...🤷🏻‍♀️y’know🤷🏻‍♂️.

So is it still a stretch at this point to say WCC/the design is linked to neo-Nazis? Yes, but the stretch has lessened a little bit.

We move on to just WCC and JJ now. I’m just going to straight up use these pictures lol. I don’t think there’s anything much to say for the 1st pic, it speaks a thousand words. 2nd pic, I understand it’s his friend doing something stupid but JJ seems fine with it and it’s obvious he doesn’t find it wrong, as evidenced by the 1st pic.

Now, let’s look at a bit of WCC’s merch that I found online. There are other designs I wanted to include as well but I’ll just focus on these two.

Left | Right

Do they look familiar? No?

How about now?

The Reichsadler (Imperial Eagle), is the heraldic eagle used by the Holy Roman Emperors and in the coats of arms of Germany, even till now. Different eras in Germany had different depictions. Nazis used the ones above, with swastikas.

It is also recognised as a hate symbol, appropriated by neo-Nazis and white supremacists. In their case, the swastika can be replaced by other symbols such as the SS Bolts or Celtic Cross. In places where swastikas are prohibited, the inside of the circle/wreath are occasionally left blank.

Notice how both the swastika and WCC logo is tilted slightly, and how a wreath is being held by the eagle on the white shirt. The resemblance is uncanny, no?

Before you bring up the eagle depicted on the Great Seal of the United States, I’m just going to say, don’t. The designs are very different and original sketches of it dates all the way back to 1782. It uses a bald eagle, holds an olive branch and arrows on each leg and has a shield as the focal element.

The 2nd pic looks more like the 1st than the 3rd. Just saying.

I’m at the end of my comparisons. If I see everything on it’s own, without taking into account the others for more background/context, of course there’s no link to Nazis or whatever. It’s just a Cross Pattée and a lightning bolt. No big deal, right?

Bikers, which is what WCC is about, did use the Iron Cross and SS Bolts for shock value. They weren’t promoting neo-Nazism or white supremacy with them.

But now that I’ve shown you the pictures of JJ and his friend doing a Nazi Salute and other merch resembling Nazi symbols, it kinda adds up. It’s no longer a stretch to say it’s linked, it’s reasonable. I’ve given you more context, do with it what you will.

To me, WCC designs are in very poor taste since they are based on “outlaw biker culture”, who literally appropriated them from Nazis. Am I calling them Nazis? No, because I don’t know what went through their minds when they designed and approved them, so I can’t say that. I am, however, calling them really fucking stupid though, and that’s being nice. They have shown that they do not care for what the symbols represent and the history behind it, it’s being wilfully ignorant.

So for Kimi to collaborate with them? It’s disappointing for sure. For him to wear it so blatantly? I’m just gonna say he’s an idiot, because I really don’t think he knows what it means, which...might seem confusing but Kimi really doesn’t seem to be the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to stuff outside of F1 cars. Really. I honestly think he sees things in a literal way so this collaboration to him is just with a famous person and motorcycles, nothing else. At this point, I just hope he stops wearing them and stops the collaboration.

So the above was the logical and rational part of me explaining why I think it’s wrong for Kimi to have those symbols on his merch. It is my opinion and my perspective.

Now here comes the irrational part of me cause I feel like it’s really obvious?

The damn crosses are so similar, like wtf Cross Pattée or not, it still looks like a fucking Iron Cross, no?? And who do we think of when we think of the Iron Cross? Then there’s the SS Bolt, which is nothing on its own but seeing WCC’s other merch with the fucking eagle holding a wreath with the WCC logo tilted, JUST LIKE THE NAZI’S, isn’t it fucking obvious?? Omg like I don’t like people “reaching” or “twisting things to fit the agenda” but this is literally fucking not. I started out trying to defend Kimi in my mind but after reading about JJ and seeing the other WCC merch designs, I just can’t.

Context/background matters!! Though it wasn’t really a good one, please refer back to my Harry Potter and his lightning scar example.

I also liked what @mistressemmedi had to say about it here.

This post won’t show up in searches/tags so...haha fml I’m speaking into a void.

#f1 #formula one #formula 1 #kimi raikkonen #kimi räikkönen #me

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reading-riordan · 4 years ago

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PJO: “The Lightning Thief,” Chapter Five

“I Play Pinochle With a Horse”

or, “The Confusing Info-Dump Chapter”

Percy spends the next few days in and out of consciousness, which is weird, because at this point I’m pretty sure that his wounds are all psychological. Occasionally he’s fed “something that tasted like buttered popcorn, only it was pudding” by the girl from the end of the last chapter.

When she saw my eyes open, she asked, "What will happen at the summer solstice?" I managed to croak, "What?" She looked around, as if afraid someone would overhear. "What's going on? What was stolen? We've only got a few weeks!"

Unfortunately for The Girl, a guy covered in eyeballs comes in to tell her that it’s still too early for this much foreshadowing.

Eventually Percy wakes up sitting on the porch of that farmhouse, feeling weak. Grover is there, wearing a “CAMP DEMIGOD HALF-BLOOD” T-shirt but otherwise looking normal. Then he hands Percy a broken Minotaur horn and confirms that yeah, his mom ostensibly exploded last night and he’s still got hairy goat legs under his jeans.

Percy is just “FML,” which, y’know, fair.

I was alone. An orphan. I would have to live with...Smelly Gabe? No. That would never happen. I would live on the streets first.

"I'll put a pin in that idea.” —Rick Riordan

Grover, who is honestly weepier about this than Percy, advises him to drink something which looks like apple juice but tastes like “my mom's homemade blue chocolate-chip cookies, buttery and hot, with the chips still melting.” It makes him feel a lot better, though Grover implies that the stuff would kill him and possibly Percy if either of them drank too much.

Grover then leads Percy to the back of the house, and we get our first real glimpse of Camp Half-Blood:

Between here and there, I simply couldn't process everything I was seeing. The landscape was dotted with buildings that looked like ancient Greek architecture—an open-air pavilion, an amphitheater, a circular arena—except that they all looked brand new, their white marble columns sparkling in the sun. In a nearby sandpit, a dozen high school-age kids and satyrs played volleyball. Canoes glided across a small lake. Kids in bright orange T-shirts like Grover's were chasing each other around a cluster of cabins nestled in the woods. Some shot targets at an archery range. Others rode horses down a wooded trail, and, unless I was hallucinating, some of their horses had wings.

At the end of the porch, Percy sees The Girl and a man who “looked like a cherub who'd turned middle-aged in a trailer park.” (I must admit, I do like that description.) They are apparently Annabeth and Mr. D.

Percy is surprised to also see Mr. Brunner, who it turns out is actually named “Chiron.”

“Scale? Never heard of it.” —Some ancient Greek artist

"Ah, good, Percy," he said. "Now we have four for pinochle."

He offered me a chair to the right of Mr. D, who looked at me with bloodshot eyes and heaved a great sigh. "Oh, I suppose I must say it. Welcome to Camp Half-Blood. There. Now, don't expect me to be glad to see you."

[...]

She glanced at the minotaur horn in my hands, then back at me. I imagined she was going to say, You killed a minotaur! or Wow, you're so awesome! or something like that. Instead she said, "You drool when you sleep." Then she sprinted off down the lawn, her blond hair flying behind her.

You know, Hogwarts has a much nicer welcoming ceremony. There’s a feast and everything.

(Also, it should be “blonde,” with an “e.” Just saying.)

Mr. Brunner says that he’s glad that Percy didn’t get horribly killed, as that would have made his tenure at Yancy Academy “a waste of time.” (See, he clearly had no interest in the other students.) Apparently Grover was planted at the school to look out for future protagonists, and when Chiron heard about Percy he murdered the previous Latin teacher and took a job at the school in order to watch him.

Percy finally cuts to the chase and asks what the heck is going on, and Chiron reveals that the Greek gods are real.

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Oh, and Mr. D is one. Specifically Dionysus, god of wine, though he doesn’t like going by that because “names are powerful things” and I still don’t understand why we’re doing this bit. As far as I know, the ancient Greeks weren’t scared of using Dionysus’ name, and it apparently doesn’t hurt him or anything, so...? The point is, Zeus is mad at him, so now he has to spend the next century running a summer camp and getting no rum for his rum and Coke.

So, let’s talk about Dionysus for a minute.

“No, I’ve never actually seen a leopard. Why?” —Some ancient Greek artist

He’s actually a pretty complex character. If you don’t want to watch this very interesting 17-minute video, we can summarize by saying that he originally seems to have been a scary god of madness, but over time he developed into a younger, friendlier god with some scary stories still attached to him. The thing is, Mr. D doesn’t fit either of those portrayals very well. I think Riordan was going for the creepy original version (there’s a whole paragraph describing some of his scary stories), but he comes off more grumpy than terrifying. I guess the lack of booze is making him irritable.

He fits the role of grouchy camp counselor pretty well, though I’m not sure why he hates Percy so much in particular. Unless Riordan just needed a Snape for his Harry Potter bingo card.

"If you were a god, how would you like being called a myth, an old story to explain lightning? What if I told you, Perseus Jackson, that someday people would call you a myth, just created to explain how little boys can get over losing their mothers?"

No, Chiron, he was created to encourage little boys with learning disabilities. Get your facts straight.

First off: kudos on Percy’s first name, I like that detail. Secondly, I have to question: why don’t people believe in the Greek gods anymore? Mr. D says that Percy will be incinerated if he refuses to, but by that logic, why isn’t Zeus hurling lightning at people until they burn up some BBQ for him? How’d y’all let Christianity take over your cosmic empire?

"Well, now," Chiron said. "God—capital G, God. That's a different matter altogether. We shan't deal with the metaphysical."

Hmm.

He kicked your ass, didn’t He?

Nah. He sent His kid to do it.

The adults are still being vague, expecting Sally to have explained things a bit more. Eventually Mr. D leaves with Grover, saying that they need to discuss “[his] less-than-perfect performance on this assignment." Percy asks Chiron a few more questions, and learns that the “Greek” gods have apparently moved Mount Olympus to America.

“What you call 'Western civilization.' Do you think it's just an abstract concept? No, it's a living force. A collective consciousness that has burned bright for thousands of years. The gods are part of it. You might even say they are the source of it, or at least, they are tied so tightly to it that they couldn't possibly fade, not unless all of Western civilization were obliterated. [...] America is now the heart of the flame. It is the great power of the West. And so Olympus is here. And we are here."

*rubs temple* Do I want to try and unpack this? ‘Cause there’s so much to go over.

Like: what counts as "Western civilization," at a time when globalization is spreading it to non-Western countries? Or conversely, when the West takes on non-Western traits? Are the gods only tied to Greek influences, or influences from the new countries that they come to? If they’re the embodiments of Western civilization, what does it mean that said civilization has been primarily defined by Christianity for so long, and follow up, does that mean Christianity dying in Western countries, ironically, hurts them?

Don’t get me wrong, having characters as the personifications of cultural traits is an interesting concept. I just don’t think that Riordan plans to go into that as much as he should.

And heck, I can imagine them moving without making it all philosophical. Look at Greece’s economy. The Olympians wouldn’t be the only ones emigrating.

So Percy is kind of freaked out about being included in this “physical embodiment of Western civilization” thing, and finally asks “Who...who am I?" Chiron admits that he doesn’t know, but that in the meantime, he'll help him get settled into camp and also reveal that he’s a centaur.

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I mean, the next chapter confirms that Percy knows the myths about Chiron, so he shouldn’t really be surprised.

Anyway! The characters are okay-ish, but the plot is overly complicated even though it’s barely begun. Come back next time when Percy finds out more of it and also blows up some toilets.

#Riordanverse #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #The Lightning Thief #Percy Jackson #Grover Underwood #Annabeth Chase #Chiron #Mr. D #Dionysus #Magnus Chase #Bravest Warriors #Daria #Disenchantment #Godyssey #Mr. Brunner #Jesus Christ #Shocko #Capital G God #TLT reviews

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futurewriter2000 · 5 years ago

Text

You’re a mean one - pt.2

A/N: Well, you wanted it so you got it. Part 2 is out and I am still wasting my time writing instead of reading the four plays till Monday. Haha...FML. But I am going to...now...soon....I hope. Also- hope you like it and like and reblog for part 3?

Today was the day. Today was the day Sirius will finally stop avoiding you, walk up to you and talk.

Here he goes.

Now.

This second.

“She’s wearing a ponytail.” he turned around and sat back down, running his hands through his hair.

Remus looked up from his soup and chuckled. “She does, doesn’t she? Wow. A marvelous observation, Sirius.”

“I just never saw her with a ponytail. I mean, I did but never a low ponytail.” he kept rambling. “She always wears a bun or half bun, sometimes even let down or high ponytail- odd.”

“Are you going to talk to her today or not? I am wasting my time.” James rolled his eyes.

“I mean...yeah.” he stood back up, took a deep breath in then turned back around. “But isn’t it odd how she didn’t even once talk to me since then.”

“Maybe because you were avoiding her.” Remus stated.

“That’s not even it. I didn’t have to avoid her. It was like nothing ever happened.” he kept talking.

“Like hookup.” James wiggled his eyebrows. “You had plenty of those, so why are you making such a big deal out of this one?”

“Because she’s the only girl who didn’t come running back to him after, so he’s probably worried he sucked at it.” Remus said and finally put down his soup and stopped eating.

Sirius was about to say something but if he was being frank with himself. Remus was in a way...right.

“I mean- I- she must have- I couldn’t- no, I didn’t suck.” he stuttered a bit, jumping his leg nervously, then looked at you.

You were so calm. Your whole presence seemed calm. There you were, in your sweatpants and sweater, low ponytail with a few strands falling from it. You were talking with some friends, smiling, giggling, laughing... no thought of him what-so-ever meanwhile he was thinking of you and only you since that night.

“She- she’s gonna come...”

“Mate.” James said and put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “It’s been a week.”

“It’s not been a week.” Sirius scoffed. “It’s been six days.” he said and noticed them grinning. “Somewhere around there.” he cleared his throat.

Fuck. He’s counting days. That’s not normal.

He looked back at you, his eyes and ears focused.

“You coming?” the friend asked.

“Yeah.” you smiled and got up.

“Shite! I forgot my arithmancy book in the library.” the Ravenclaw groaned.

“Don’t worry. I can go get it. I’ve been meaning to grab the Herbs and its usage anyway.” you shrugged and the Ravenclaw smiled.

“What is he smiling so happily for?” Sirius mumbled as he narrowed his eyes at him.

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure. No sweat.”

“Thank you.”

“No thank you. 5 galleons.” you teased and he laughed.

“5 galleons to run to the library and get it? Maybe somewhere far in the future.”

“Time is money, Josh.” you smiled and started walking the other way.

‘Josh. What a stupid name is Josh?’ - Sirius thought to himself, seeing you walk further away and panicking in his seat.

And soon he was after you, near you... in front of you.

“Hey.” he smiled and leaned on the wall in front of you.

“Wow.” you said, leaning as well. “Took you a week.” you smiled.

“It wasn’t a week. It was six days.” he spilled out before he could stop himself.

You raised an eyebrow at him and smirked. “Six days then.” you said and moved past him.

“Wait- where are you going?” he quickly followed.

“Library.” you replied walking fast, him almost running. “You know-” you stopped and he almost stumbled in front of you. “-before it closes.” and again you were off.

“Oh, bloody hell- stop walking!” he groaned as he ran after you again, into the library.

“The library-”

“-is closing, I know but why-uff.” you walked right into him with a book between you. You smiled mischiviously at him as he tried to catch a breath but before he could, you were drifting away.

He gritted his teeth, sprinted towards you, picked you over his shoulder and walked in the opposite direction you were.

“EY!” you shouted, punching his back.

“For someone who’s shorter than me, you walk way to fast.” he kept walking.

“PUT ME DOWN YOU ARSE!”

“Be glad I didn’t wrestle you down, though it almost felt like I would have to.” he grinned and finally put you down on your feet. You stumbled backwards as your feet touched the ground but you managed to keep your balance. You looked up at him angrily as he kept looking at you through his long locks of black hair. “Now, can we talk?”

“Fine.” you grumbled and sat on the closest bench,

And to him, that huff and puff he got from you just seemed too adorable. He just wasn’t used to you being angry but it was damn sure adorable when you were.

“Okay.” he sat down next to you. “That night-”

“We hooked up. End of story.” you said and he stared.

“What?”

“Isn’t it what we have done?” you immediately said.

“I mean- yeah.”

“So what’s there to talk about?”

“I don’t know. I just-”

“Do you want us to date? Hold hands?” you said meanwhile he kept tumbling over his own answers. “Let me answer it for you. No, you don’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, I do.” you scoffed. “You’re embarrassed to be with me. Admit it.” you drilled but he didn’t say anything. “Me- (y/n)(y/l/n). The Mudblood, the Muggleworld, the naive Gryffindor, the pathetic roomate-”

“Will you stop with that!”

“But I am. To your group of friends I am. I am not like you. You and me are from two completely different corners of the world. And if you would actually like me it wouldn’t take you a week to talk to me or the fact that you avoided me completely the day after.”

“I-”

“You did. First one out of the class. Hiding behind a book when I entered the common room- not that I really cared in the first place to come crawling back to you because you are nothing but a self-observed prick.”

“Oh am I? Then why did you sleep with me if you hate me so much?”

“Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” you smirked and he scoffed out laughing.

“That’s bullshit!”

“You’re bullshit!”

“What the fuck could I have done so wrong to make you despise me so much?”

“I don’t despise you.” you shrugged.

“Then what? You’re just gonna be mean to me?” he asked and it was your turn to laugh.

“Be mean to you? What is this Sirius? Second year? You’ve been mean to me since the first encounter- so how does it feel being treated from this side.”

“I’ve never been like that!”

“That’s what you believe but it’s not how it felt.”

“HOW WHAT FELT?!”

“BEING EMBARRASED AND BULLIED BY YOU ALL THESE YEARS!”

“MERLIN (Y/N)! I WAS AN ASS WHEN I WAS A KID! I DID ANYTHING FOR ATTENTION!”

“YOU STILL DO!!”

“I DO NOT!”

“YES, YOU FUC-”

“STOP SHOUTING!”

“YOU STOP SHOUTING!”

And he did. He stopped shouting, panting over the silence as he was trying to catch some breath but he felt it. He felt the adrenalin in his veins. He felt the anger and passion boil inside of him like all his arteries would expload. His fists clenched, so that the nice strips of veins popped out under his skin. He glared at the floor, then back at you- your eyes that were so fierce.

And like he said- you were just something else when you were agitated.

“Merlin, you’re hot.” and he crashed into you with his lips on yours, his hands under your cheeks, his chest against yours until you pushed him away hard, panting and looking up at him. Shocked? Surprised? Confused?

“I-”

But you were the one taking him by the shirt and pulling him back into the kiss like nothing has ever happened. His hands roamed your hips for a while, your back and your ass until he decided to pick you up and crash you into a wall. His kisses trailed down to your neck and you couldn’t help yourself but moan to them. He was addiction.

“Who’s there?!” a shout caused both of you to break from your trans and shot your head to the source.

There was a small figure- too small and quite famous for its height.

“Shit. Flitwick.” he let go of you and your feet fell back on the floor.

You looked up at him, pulled him by the shirt and whispered. “You tell anyone about this, I will-”

“Wrestle me?” he wiggled his eyebrows. “Why don’t you?” he kept the grin wide as the footsteps approached.

“Just run. I’ll deal with this.” you pushed him away and started walking to the figure.

But he was still next to you. “And take all the glory?”

“Fuck off, Black.” you warned him, stopping and seeing he was just not about to move. “Okay. Fine.” you smirked, pulling out your wand and charming him with a shoe-sticking charm. “You deal with this.” and you were off into the darkness.

“What- fuck- (Y/-”

“Mister Black?” Flitwick was now standing in front of him with a quirked eyebrow.

“Bloody hell.”

#Sirius Black #sirius black x reader #sirius black imagine #james potter #james potter imagine #james potter x reader #Remus Lupin #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin x reader #maruaders imagines #the marauders #marauders era #marauders imagine #marauders x reader #marauder x reader

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almost-correct-bnha-quotes · 4 years ago

Note

hai, so this bish cut her own hair, the layers look good tbh bUT the fringe is too short (fml) so i thought if you dont mind, if you're free, maybe hcs of izuku/todoroki/kirishima on that? please? (i already cried three times because my family bullied me about the fringe and i feel like jim carrey from dumb and dumber tho its actlly not that short)

Hi! I'd love to do this! I'm really sorry your family is so mean to you. Try not to let it get to your heart. I hope this helps you feel better!

Izuku

-He knew you wanted to try a new, shorter haircut for a while.

-To be honest, he was really supportive. If you really wanted to try a new haircut, you should go for it.

-When you shared your worries that it might not turn out well, he was quick to reassure you.

-"Hey, there's nothing that can go bad. If you don't like how it turns out, it's fine. Your hair will grow back in a few months," he told you.

-So one particular Saturday, in the U.A. dorms, you went for it. While the layers were fine, you didn't like how short that the fringe turned out.

-You were low-key stressing out since you had to go to school in two days. Hair was going to grow back in a few months, not a few hours.

-So you did the most logical thing- you called Izuku and asked him to come to your bedroom urgently.

-Within two minutes, you heard knocking on hour door, along with Izuku's worried voice asking you to let him in.

-You didn't specify what the emergency was, so Izuku and his anxious brain only assumed for the worst. What if you accidentally cut off your leg, or broke an arm, or got stuck under the wardrobe that fell on you...

-You opened your door just enough for a person to fit through it and pulled Izuku rapidly inside of your bedroom. As soon as he was inside, you slammed the door shut.

-"Eh, Y/N... What-"

- That's when he noticed your hair.

- You puffed your cheeks as you looked through your wardrobe. You eventually picked out two caps that you really loved.

- "Which one should I wear to school?" You asked.

- "Wel- I- You- Um- You- You don't have to wear one, though. I know that your hair didn't turn out the way you wanted, but it doesn't mean it's ugly. Quite the opposite. You look really nice with it. It would be a shame if others wouldn't get to see it."

-Saying that both of you turned as red as a tomato was an underestimation.

-Regardless, he did make you feel better and, as it turns out, your new hairstyle truly wasn't so bad. Many appreciated it and you actually started a trend amongst girls to cut their hair similar to you in order to be "fashionable".

Todoroki

-You never considered yourself close to Todoroki, but you acknowledged the fact that you did have a particularly strong bond with him.

-It wasn't romantic- it was more like a sibling relationship. You would tease and annoy each other a lot, but when one was in need, the other would always have their back.

-That's why he was the first person you called for comfort one evening. You cut your hair earlier that afternoon and a few students made some really rough comments on it.

-It wasn't that you weren't confident or happy with yourself, but words still hurt and the comments you recieved truly upset you.

-As you sat on your bed in your dorm, trying to cope with your suffering, you heard a knock on your door.

-You honestly hoped it was Todoroki. You called him a solid fifteen minutes ago and he had yet to fulfill your wish to come and be by your side for a while. You didn't dare to go out and look for him. Not with that hairstyle you had.

- "Hey Y/N... I'm here." The person behind the door said. Their voice was so familiar you wouldn't be able to mistake it for anyone else's- Todoroki was there.

-You mumbled something about how he could come in, but for obvious reasons, he couldn't understand what you said.

- "Hey, dickhead, I can't hear you. Open up. I brought you something."

-Your head shot up in curiosity. You wiped off a few tears off your face and made your way to the door.

-You opened it and found yourself standing in front of Todorki, who had a small bag by his side.

- "Surprise. Sorry it took me so long, I had to make a stop by the store nearby."

- You invited him in and soon found yourself laying on the bed, your head on his lap, crying your eyes out. His hand ran through your hair in an attempt to comfort and relax you.

-Honestly, it did.

- "Don't stress so much about it. You had a mild error in the process. It'll get fixed soon." He said.

- "Yeah, but until then..." You said between sobs.

- "You'll live your life like always. Try to enjoy the small things. Buy your favourite candy, sweet or desert. Try some make-up. Buy that t-shirt you've wanted for a while. Do whatever. It'll get better before you know."

- "How can you know so much?"

- "Experience," Todoroki shrugged, "Had to accept I can't change some things and how to live with that."

- "Like what?"

-"Shitty father... Half a quirk I don't want... and ugly hair."

- You frowned lightly as a snort escaped you.

- "You don't like your hair?" You asked.

- "Well, everyone seems to have a very good opinion of my hair... except for me. Can't say it's my favourite part of me."

- "Why do you hate it? It's unique."

- "My father has an unique style of parenting, but it's not good, is it?"

- You pursed your lips at the thought of his father. You generally weren't the one to fully dislike someone or to say that you hated someone, but Endeavor was one of the exceptions. Outside his work as a hero, Endeavor was a horrible person, in your opinion. He failed spectacularly as a husband and even more as a father.

- “Your hair is not a toxic father.”

- “And neither is yours. Your hair isn’t that big of a fail. A little unsuccessful, yes, but terrible? No. You’re beautiful.’

Kirishima

-Kirishima couldn’t say your hairwas the most successful hairstyle out there, but he knew the struggles of hair insecurity, so he couldn’t help but feel empathy towards you.

-As it turned out, you two were living only two streets apart, so you had most of the way home together. You became buddies in no time and you’d chat all the way home with all kinds of topics that interested you. One particular afternoon, you opened up to him about your new hairstyle.

- “It’s okay, Y/N!” He exclaimed, “Your hair will grow back in no time and you’ll be able to redo your haistyle!”

-You smiled faintly. “Thanks. It’s gonna be quite a road until then. My family’s kinda rude to me about it as well.”

-Kirishima let out an empathetic laugh. “I had that as well when I changed my hairstyle. My mom was kinda supportive, but everyone else... nah. The thing is, don’t let other people’s opinions bring you down. You’ll get judged no matter what you do, so you should best just do what you really want to do and be yourself.”

-That was some solid advice. When you thought about it, it truly didn’t matter what people thought. Even if something you did turned bad, you had to try again and again until it succeded. Otherwise, you would remain with the sour feeling of misery that would do nothing but bad to you.

#bnha #bnha deku #izuku midoriya #todoroki shouto #todoroki #kirishima #bnha kirishima

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demented-dukey · 5 years ago

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Hey u remember that cursed Folgers commercial

The clock chimes one, two, three times, but Roman barely registers it. He’s curled up under a white blanket in the bay window of the Xanders family home, forehead resting against the cool glass as he watches the snow, falling softly down. It would almost be pretty, if he didn’t hate it with every fiber of his being. This stupid blizzard delayed Remus’s flight not once, not twice, but three times, so late that their parents had given up and called it a night, leaving Roman to his lonesome vigil.

His breath fogs up the glass, and idly, he drags the edge of his finger to through it, drawing a devious smile and a can of spray paint and a far-off boarding school and letters sent back and forth – the story of how Remus was sent far away at only thirteen. It’s been five years, and Roman can’t help but spare an idle thought to how his brother has changed – if the baby fat on his cheeks has fled or the structure of his body grown stronger – before he shakes the thought off. He’s used to that. Used to shaking off thoughts about how his brother may have changed, shaking off memories of wrestling on the carpet for the TV remote, shaking off wonderings as he takes himself in hand if Remus would feel any different.

But Remus never seems to leave his mind for long.

A cab trundles to a stop outside, and Roman brightens, tensing to run downstairs and fling open the door, but he slumps in disappointment when he sees the man who gets out.

Remus isn’t punk. He isn’t gorgeous. He doesn’t have a green leather jacket or hair streaked with white or chunky boots that follow the delicious curve of his calves. And, more importantly, Roman decides as the man effortlessly hauls a massive duffel bag out of the boot, Remus isn’t fucking jacked.

But then the man Roman has been eyeing turns down their path, goes up to their door, and knocks – once, twice, three times – on their door, and Roman’s stomach can’t decide if it’s fluttering or sinking.

He bolts downstairs and flings the door open.

Remus is even more different up close. He has a mustache and acne spanning the bridge of his nose like freckles and he’s so gorgeous it hurts.

Roman can see the moment his brother’s eyes widen, the moment he registers just how much things have changed since middle school.

“I must have the wrong house,” Remus muses in that strange, high voice of his. “Because I thought I was the only hot piece of ass that lived in this place.”

“We’re twins, you idiot,” Roman says, and it comes out far, far too fond.

“So I’ve been told,” Remus says, and saunters into the house, hips swaying, like it hasn’t been an hour since he left.

Roman is frozen, clutching the door frame, until a blast of icy air jerks him back into animation.

“Coffee,” Remus moans, making a beeline for the freshly brewed pot as soon as he steps foot in the kitchen. “Did you know that a woman spilled McDonalds coffee over her, and it was so hot, that it sealed the folds of her vagina?”

Roman hops up on the counter, eyes dragging over the places Remus has filled out – the width of his shoulders, the curve of his legs, the flexing of his forearms as he shrugs off his far too thin jacket. “I think you’ve told me that one,” he says absently.

Remus makes a small grunt of acknowledgement, pouring half the pot into an over-sized mug and chugging most of it in one go.

“Classy,” Roman teases as Remus wipes his mouth with his sleeve.

Remus just laughs. “We can’t all be Prince Charming.”

He certainly isn’t. Remus is loud, crude, impulsive, hyper, vulgar – anything but charming.

Why, then, can Roman not resist him, even after all this time?

“I brought you something,” Remus declares, fishing around in his rumpled duffle bag and pulling out a small box, crudely yet carefully wrapped.

Roman gasps in appreciation, gently taking it in his hands. He admires it for a moment, but finds his gaze drifting to his twin - so strange, so handsome. His heart twists, and he rips the bow off the box, firmly sticking it to Remus’s acid-green shirt.

Remus tilts his head inquisitively, and Roman shrugs, a shy smile lifting the corners of his mouth. “You’re my present this year.”

Remus flashes his lecherous, teasing grin. “Are you going to unwrap me, then?”

They don’t teach you how to lie at boarding school. That’s the only explanation Roman can fabricate, because, suddenly, Roman can see it behind Remus’s eyes – the softest, slightest glimmer of hope.

Slowly, Roman slides off the counter. He can feel the heat of Remus, like a physical touch in the frigid December air. So slowly, so gently, like this moment can shatter at any moment like one of those ridiculous ceramic pieces their mother collects, Roman settles his hands on his brother’s hips, slides the edges of his fingertips beneath Remus’s waistband.

His fingers must be cold because Remus shudders, full-body, but he presses just the tiniest bit closer.

“Okay,” Roman breathes.

Remus’s eyes threaten tears. “Okay?” He echos, as if he can scarcely believe it, as if everything he ever wanted was just presented to him with a bow on top.

But, no. That’s what’s happening to Roman.

“Okay,” Roman says again, and kisses him.

It’s simple, chaste – But Roman still feels it in every part of him, tasting like black coffee and feeling like stardust running through his blood.

Remus is trembling when they pull back. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for that?”

Roman presses their foreheads together. “Almost as long as I have.”

“I tried to forget you,” Remus confesses, voice raw. “I got myself sent away and tried. God, I tried, but it wasn’t… I tried to be good, but there’s no one else like you.”

Roman just kisses him again. “I don’t want to be good, if that means I can’t be by your side.”

Remus surges forward at that, pressing forward until Roman’s back hits the counter, and Remus effortlessly scoops him up, wraps his brother’s legs around his waist so their hips are flush against each other.

He pauses then, green eyes darting towards the stairwell, where their parents sleep at the top.

“It’s late.” Gently, Roman tilts his head away. “We have time.”

Time until their parents come downstairs, time until Remus is shipped back off for his last semester in a place far away, time until they have to hide this delicate, blossoming thing.

But time can wait.

Now, Remus lays his brother out under the soft glow of Christmas lights. Now, there are wandering hands and soft gasps and muffled giggles. Now, there are confessions murmured between kisses.

Now, there is love.

Tots meant to submit on Christmas since I wrote it in like an hour that morning but tumblr ate it fml

(Above submitted by Squidward)

~~~

First off, deepest apologies for hoarding this in my inbox for so long. 💚 Also, “cursed” Folgers commercial? I think you mean “blessed” Folgers commercial. (which can be seen here, for anyone unfamiliar with it)

This was wonderful and exciting - I love Punk!Remus and Roman’s blatant appreciation of how his twin as matured.

> Remus flashes his lecherous, teasing grin. “Are you going to unwrap me, then?”

*squeals and claps excitedly*

>Now, Remus lays his brother out under the soft glow of Christmas lights. Now, there are wandering hands and soft gasps and muffled giggles. Now, there are confessions murmured between kisses.

>Now, there is love.

*whimpers* Oof, dude. Right in the feels. This was so, so soft and good. Thank you. ~ DD

#fanfic #anon squidward #remrom #romrem #tw incest #remus sanders #roman sanders #ts remus #ts duke #ts roman #sanders sides #thomas sanders #dd asks #submission

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korkisobsessions · 5 years ago

Text

The Oath

V. Caring

Still without betareading...please don´t kill me :D

Who wants to hump Yeongshin?? :D

Enjoy my friends

Also I made that wooden swallow by myself and guess what? I lost it when i first wear it!! I made just one photo...FML!!! Photo at the end of chapter ;)

Yeong shin was sitting on bench and for a moment he felt peace. Sun was shining and air was warm. It was safe. Dead hated warm so they were safe for moment. He stretched his legs and found himself comfortable position. His rifle was already clean and he had nothing to do. It was unusual and he enjoyed it. But after few moments he found himself piece of wood. He was flipping it between his fingers, examined patterns of layers, until he got idea. He pulled out one of his knifes and started to cut of little pieces of wood.

He was still thinking about Nilah. Her trembling body pressed tight against his. Smell of her hair, that he can´t identified, maybe it was her scent. He never held woman like this. He was barely man, when he joined chakho forces, and there were only men. They travel through country side by side hunting tigers and sometimes other men. There were women, in distant villages, selling their bodies for money or food. But they were scared of chakho soldiers or too harsh to hump tiger hunters it was weird, loud and quick. He never find woman, to touch him gently, to hug him…to like him. He thought that they were scared of him, that they saw darkness and emptiness of his soul like he was lost and broken.

But Nilah…

She smiled at him; she looked for his gaze. She was so full of warmth and light, he felt it filed him, he almost choked. But it was the most beautiful thing he ever felt. And she touched him, like it was the most natural thing in this world. She wasn’t scared of him.

Suddenly he felt pang of guilt in his guts. He swore to Lee Chang, that he will meet him in Sangju, two and half months from now. But he was too scared to leave that it will break his heart to thousand pieces. How can he leave first good thing in his life? She will not wait for him. There was lot of men around her. After some time, she will forget him and find herself better man who wouldn’t leave her. Maybe that prick, who was still staring at her like hungry animal. That soldier, who wanted to take her from his arms, when he found her injured after the battle.

His name was Sang-Ho. He was probably captain, because he was always giving orders to men of Lord Ahn who remains. Yeongshin always felt his intensive glare in his back. That man didn’t trust him and despise him. No matter what he’s done, he will always have burned mark on his shoulder. He will always be chakho.

“Beautiful day.” Came merry voice and Beom Pal sat down on a bench next to him. “What are you doing?” he was too curious for his own good.

“It’s nothing.” He hid piece of wood in his palm, feeling almost ashamed that magistrates surprised him. He was too deep in his thoughts that he didn’t saw him coming.

Beom Pal smiled and turned his face to sun, catching it’s warm beams. “You know my friend. We are both same.”

“Are we?” Yeongshin raised his eyebrows. He almost laughed. They were everything, but not the same.

“Yes! We are!” Beom Pal hit him playfully with back of his hand to his shoulder. Yeongshin gritted his teeth when the man hit his injured one. “We both have soft spot for fearless women. Am I right?” He laid palm over his heart.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, my lord.” Yeongshin whispered, suddenly feeling nervous. He thought about Beom Pal like about man, who can trip over tiger, without even realising it. If even he sees, that something is going on between them, he must be clear as a day.

“Aaah, don’t fool me! I’m maybe dumb, but I’m not blind. You are guarding her, watching her...”

“I’m not...” he defended himself, but it was pathetic.

“You do!” For the first time in his life was Beom Pal doing his job properly. Judging him.

“She saved my life. I owe her.” He was absolutely trapped.

“That’s not it. You saved my life several times, and am I sitting by your side?”

“Honestly? You are doing it right now.” He tried to save himself but Beom Pal suddenly, catch his hand with a piece of wood. He wanted to avoid him, but his injured shoulder slowed him. He started to be irritated.

“Don’t tell me, this isn’t for her.” He was holding little wooden bird. It wasn’t perfect, surface was still a bit rough, but it was quite pretty. Yeongshin was glad; his hands did something, nice. That he created something, not just destroying and killing.

He bow his head like caught thief. But he didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to.

Beom Pal’s face light up. He won. “She is quite beautiful woman, I saw that too. And that tales she always telling are amazing.”

“Yes, she is beautiful...” Yeongshin felt like his heart started to hammer louder in his chest.

“You should tell her, you love her.” Beom Pal whispered in low voice like conspirator with blink of an eye.

“I don’t... It’s not like that...”he stuttered like fool.

His companion shook his head like he was disappointed. “I never thought that comes the day when I call you coward, my friend.” He patted his back and stood up ready to leave. “But tell me one thing.” He tilted his head closer, giving him wooden swallow back. “Can you make one more? You know...for me...for Seo-Bi.”

Yeongshin hid smile and nod. “Yes, my lord.”

Sun was high in the sky and he became bored. He wanted to rest, but his body was too used to be still in move, that his muscles almost itch to stand up and move. He hid little wooden swallow to his small bag, he was wearing across torso and went to one place he can think of.

Seo-Bi was sitting in front of Nilah and nagging her, like a child, who did something wrong.

“You should rest! Your wound isn’t healing because you are still running around like a fool!” Seo-Bi was too angry that she forgot to close curtain around Nilah’s bed and Yeongshin saw too much when he came closer. He saw angry red stitched wound, but except it, lot of naked skin. Nilah’s shirt was rolled high and he saw light skin of her abdomen.

He stopped to breath and almost tripped over his own foot. But heavy bump to his shoulder woke him up. Sang-Ho was walking towards him and he bump into him with too much force he almost fell. Normally he would avoid the contact, but he was too hypnotized by the uncovered skin of woman he cared for, that he didn’t see that man coming.

“Watch your steps, chakho!” Sang-Ho growl with voice full of disgust. His dark eyes pierced him with hatred.

Yeongshin held tight grip on one of his hidden knives, but Nilah’s voice got him back.

“I’m not running. I can’t with that stupid leg.” She sounds very annoyed.

He almost heard like Seo-Bi rolled her eyes. “I need more herbs. I think it’s little infected. Stay here and I will change your bandages when I get back. You look like you were in fight.”

He came closer and Nilah noticed him. His heart jumped, when he saw how her face light up, when she noticed him.

“Bring herbs, I will change the bandages.” He volunteered and came closer. He took Seo-Bi’s place and took bowl with healing ointment from her.

Seo-Bi raised eyebrows with question in her eyes.

“I don’t mind.” Nilah shrugged shoulders, but she blush a little.

They were silent when Seo-Bi left them. What happened between them in the nigh was still in the air. It was too intense to let it be.

Yeongshin was silent, even if he had so many questions. He carefully took her forearm to his palms and start to untying dirty bandages. There were few spots where blood was soaking through. He tried to be as gentle as possible but sometimes he must rip the fabric from her skin. It hurt him to cause her pain, but she was brave. She did not make a sound, just flinched when it was bad.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured and raised eyes to her face. She was calm, little pale, but her gentle smile was like sun.

“You don’t have to be.”

Her arms looked bad. They were covered with dark dried blood. It was painful just to look. Every move must torture her. He was thinking about yesterday, when she hit him several times.

“You have probably some questions.” She started. “About what I said yesterday.”

He gathered ointment to his palm and started to cover her injured skin. For a moment she closed her eyes and moaned. His heart almost jumps from his chest with that pleasurable sound. He was getting crazy from this woman.

“Only if you want to talk about it.” He was holding her forearm, gently massaging her skin and patiently waiting.

“I think you found out, that Lord who saved me after I runaway from my father’s business partner was Lord Ahn.”

“Yes, I did.” He nods. She was sitting in front of him on her cot, wearing man’s shirt without sleeves, so he can see, touch a lot of her skin. And she looked like she doesn’t mind; even she looked like she was enjoying it. His head was spinning.

“My brother taught me how to fight, so I offered myself as a soldier to Lord Ahn Hyun. If I stayed out, I would die sooner or later. He accepted me, but he was so devastated from war, he shut himself from the world and never left Sangju. But he leaves me to Deok Sung to be my guard and master. I was strange woman between men. Every time we left gates of Sangju, I covered my face to no one noticed I’m not a man. Enemies would be focused on me like on weak spot of a chain. So I practise with Deok Sung harder and harder to not be a weak spot and became one of the strongest. He was my master and became my friend. We watched our backs, until...I...failed him.” She sobs and tears were running down her face.

“It was not your fault.” He held her hand in his and gently rubbed her knuckles.

“It was...I was focused on something else and didn’t see that infected man coming, until it was too late. I thought, maybe he will not change, but that damn door stuck and he sacrificed himself.”

“He didn’t die in vain. He saved us and people in Sangju.” He was trying to calm her, and she knew it, because she had sad smile on her face.

“I know, but it’s still hard.”

Yeongshin started to wrap her arms in clean stripes of cloth, and his stomach was twisting. It remained him something he wanted to forget.

“Then was that fire and Prince Chang was looking for best men, so I volunteered. I didn’t want to sit there, waiting for help, so I run with you to Mungyeong Saejae.

When Lord Ahn died I thought, we will all die for nothing. Cho Hak Joo would win, and that plague will destroy whole land. But you get us from that prison and lead us to avenge him.”

Nilah pulled collar of shirt and expose her collarbone. There was thin fresh scar. “It’s from man, who was trying to pull you down from that cart when you shoot on Cho Hak Joo. I got him, but he was pretty fast.” She laughs and looked him in the eyes.

For a moment, all that he wanted was to pull that shirt off again and kiss that scar. To feel her warm skin with his lips again. How could he knew that this afternoon turned to test of his self control.

“I was there when Moo Yeong died.” Her face was suddenly grave. “And then that murdered mothers, like it all wasn’t enough, Haewon Cho made it worse.”

“It’s over. We beat the disease and Haewon Cho.” Yeongshin finished his work on her hands and smiled.

Nilah carefully stretched her arms and watched his work. Stripes was perfectly covering each other in criss cross pattern.

“You have some skills in this.” She laughed, but when she saw his face, she grows silent. He was serious again, his smile disappeared.

“My brother was sick.” He whispered with tight voice. “I used to treat his wounds and change bandages.”

“I’m sorry Yeongshin, I didn’t know.” And it was her, who was holding his hand now to comfort him.

“On that roof, I froze, because I though I saw him.”

Nilah face was full of compassion. ��I knew it must have been something very serious. You looked like you saw ghost. I ran to you as fast as I could and I was so scared that I will be late.”

“You saved me.” His smile was back but there was sadness in it.

“Your brother would be proud, if he saw what you did.” She gently touched his face. Her fingers were lightly trembling. He closed his eyes and lean to her palm.

“I didn’t do anything. I just helped your highness.” He mumbled. Her touch was so comforting, he could fall asleep. He just wanted to laid his head down to her lap, closed his eyes and had a long sleep.

“Faster than disease is spreading words. People talk, and they talk about man, who was running towards danger, to save others. They talk about man who saved tired kids...” her face was so close, he almost felt her breath on his lips. He could just lean forward to kiss her.

“They are dead now.” His voice was empty. He remembered people lying dead on the ground with arrows in their bodies. They saved them from infected just to be killed by palace guards.

“Not all of them!” Her eyes were full of hope. She gave him something he can hold on to. Hope, that he made something good.

He breathed in, but suddenly he heard loud footsteps.

“I got that herbs!” Seo-Bi was back with bowl of herbs. “It should help with that infection. “

“I should go. I will bring you, something to eat.” He stood up and lightly kissed her forehead. It surprised him, how simple and obvious it was, to touch her, to kiss her.

“Thank you.” She smiled at him and her eyes shine like thousand stars.

#kingdom netflix #kingdom #kingdom2019 #kdrama #yeong shin #yeongshin #kim sung kyu

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kweebtrash · 5 years ago

Text

Duality (M)

Messy Chapter 10

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, Angst

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: alcohol, drugs, broken friendships/relationships, not really being into sex but continuing anyway, bunch of crying and sad feelings, little bit of violence, jealousy

Features: daddy/princess/bdsm dynamics, kinda primal/prey vibes (just a lil bit), oral, handjob, light restraints/blindfolds, use of a vibrator, fingering, finger sucking, rough sex, spanking, choking, squirting, over stretching, unprotected sex (i really have to make them behave more sorry), cumshot, subdrop/explanation of subdrops.

Word Count: 20.5k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose. My laptop shut off in the middle of editing and i basically screamed so if there’s mistakes i’ll fix them later when I don’t want to die. Also, vine reference. Also, song Johnny sings is church by chase atlantic (Don’t @ me i’m seeing them in a week and I’m excited ok.) Also pt 3, i’ll add a better gif when I can find one. i haven’t gotten one that feels like it sets the mood right. also pt4, i hate this chapter and think its terrible. apparently 10 is my unlucky number because i always have a hard time with chapter 10s of my series. so fml ig.

Messy Masterlist Buy me a Ko-Fi Other Stories

I knocked on the apartment door, almost slamming my fist against it. I was trying to keep my cool but absolutely failing miserably. I rubbed at my cheeks, erasing the tears that were pooling on my waterline and falling in fast globs. He opened the door and welcomed me into his arms, squeezing me tight. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just pushed back my snow damped hair and kissed my forehead. Running to him first was a new experience for me yet he was the only person I had faith in at this moment. I was getting closer to wanting to evaporate into non existence and forget that I ever had a life.

“I can help you…” Taeyong whispered. “I know it’s fucked up but we can get through this.”

I knew he was trying to be reassuring but my mind couldn’t even grasp that concept. “I’m a mess, Tae. I really am. I have no idea how to fix this or how to fix anything. And now my closest friends- Johnny, Yuta, Ten- they all wanted these pictures and shared them? How could I ever trust them after that?”

"I told you Johnny wasn't that great. Yuta and Ten have been shits too. On top of that, Lucas shared a picture in the chat a while ago."

"L-Lucas?" My heart broke, absolutely shattered into minuscule shards. Above all else Lucas was my baby. I loved him so much, I cared for him, I made sure he was fed, I held him when he cried over being homesick. The feeling of betrayal was taking over and I grabbed onto Taeyong to try and ground myself any way possible. "Tae, I…"

"I know...come here." He helped pull off my coat and scarf and lead me to his room. Being in his arms and curled up in bed sounded so good right now. I wanted to forget everything, forget that I had to cut my friends off, forget that I had to try and piece everything together. We both slipped into his bed and snuggled under the covers. I rested my head on his chest, listening to the soft thrum of his heartbeat. "We can talk to them. They need to delete the pictures. If they see how hurt you are they'll do it no matter what. It was a game to them before."

"Do you really think that just talking to them is going to change their minds about having these pictures of me? I don't even know how many they have! My sessions with them last hours, there could be hundreds. I almost feel as if it's not worth it…"

"Don't say that." He kissed me gently and cupped my face. "Please don't. They need to know that this is wrong. I’m gonna be with you, Eri. You can trust me.”

I clutched onto his shirt and buried my face in his shoulder. "Why now, Tae? Why would you start caring about me now?"

"I told you, I never hated you. And I know that this is just more drama but it's different circumstances this time. I've always liked you. We hung out for a bit when we were working on that project but after that we fizzled out. I want to get back where we were."

"W-what do you mean?" Was he confessing to me? Did he actually like like me? It only made my head spin more. I couldn't even think straight or see what was right ahead of me.

"I mean…" He pushed me down gently, making me flush with the mattress. "I would much rather be able to protect you then have some giant idiot fuck things up."

"Y-yeah but I…" I couldn't possibly tell him that I was in love with Johnny since I felt that Johnny had betrayed me. I didn't want to talk to him at all, the hurt was too much to bear. Being here with Taeyong had me feeling confused and so vulnerable. I didn't know if I needed protecting. After all how could you protect someone from the outside dangers of rumor spreading and heartache? What would happen once those pictures were deleted? I couldn't get them back from everyone they had sent it too. It could be on a grander scale than their stupid group chat. My body could be spread throughout this entire campus and I would be none the wiser.

"He's no good for you Eri. None of them are. Just forget them. You have to start over now. They'll only hurt you more."

"I-it's not that easy, Tae. It hurts a-and-" He pressed his lips against mine then, catching me off guard. My hands clutched at his shoulders and I didn't know if I should push him away or pull him closer. I wasn't expecting him to kiss me nor was I expecting him to slide his hand under my shirt. "Tae, w-wai-"

"Shh, Eri. I'm here for you, ok?" He moved his other hand to hold mine, looking down at me with tender eyes that hid dangerous intentions. I averted my gaze and swallowed hard.

"I know, I know. And i-i'm grateful but it's just-" He kissed me again, keeping me quiet and in a vortex of weird emotions I couldn't quite figure out. There were times where I kissed him back and other times where i wanted to disappear. It was like I didn't have a grip on reality or who I was anymore. I was feeling him faster than I anticipated, reeling in a mix of limbs, kisses, and touches. All I could think about was the pain in my heart and the vile acid in my stomach that made me sick. Flashes of those pictures danced behind my eyelids every time I squeezed them shut, like a paralyzing demon choking my sanity and ripping it apart. Something so simple as a cell phone picture could ruin someone's entire being and leave them soulless.

"Hey…" I opened my eyes and looked up at Taeyong. He pushed his sweat drenched hair back and gave me a puzzled look. "You ok?"

I finally registered that I was naked and he was inside me and had been for quite some time. My mind had drifted that far out. "Wha-? Yeah, I’m, uh, I'm good."

He smiled at me. It was cute and seemed gentle so I let him continue. I held onto him, easily wrapping my arms around his small back and feeling him resume his thrusts. I thought about all the men before him who had been inside me; the smiles, laughs, and lustful feelings I had with each one. Those had all faded away. Now all that was left was Taeyong hoping that I would somehow fall into his arms and stay there. I could but it didn't feel like I would be staying true to myself. I valued him as a friend but what were friends anyway when they didn’t give a damn about you. He stayed on top of me for a while and it did actually feel nice to have a bit of security. He kissed my cheeks, lips, and the back of my knuckles. I almost felt like those kisses were full of hope- a fresh start like what he said. I just needed to let it go, let everything go.

But there was too much I was tethered to.

When he fell asleep beside me I snuck out of his bed, got dress, and left as quietly as I could. The drive home felt like I was on autopilot an when I got to the apartment I was surprised to see him there.

"Eri!" He bounded towards me scooping me up in his big arms and spinning me around as if he hadn't seen me in years. His smile was big, dopey, and full of excitement I didn't return. He noticed something was wrong instantly and set me down. I didn't want to start facing my new demons right away but I guess it was time. "What's wrong?" Lucas asked.

I looked over at Quinn who was coming out of the kitchen, hoping that they would be a pillar of support. They could tell something was wrong as well and came over to my side. "Eri, what happened?"

I looked up at Lucas and squared my shoulders. "How many pictures do you have of me?"

He raised his eyebrow and laughed. "Tons! I mean we always take selfies together! Why?"

I shook my head. "How many pictures do you have of us fucking? How many pictures did you take without me knowing?"

His smile faded and Quinn traded confused glares between us. "Wait, what's going on?"

"Yeah, what exactly are you talking about?" He asked.

"The group chat, Lucas. I know all about it. I know all about the pictures you, Yuta, and Ten shared and what Johnny asked for. So how many do you have?" I said through grit teeth.

"Lucas, you took pictures of Eri without their consent?" Quinn's anger was starting to appear and Lucas' massive body seemed to shrink before us.

"W-well...I...I mean. It was just- I just-"

"You just what, Lucas?!" Quinn yelled. "Show them to me right now!"

"I didn't mean anything by it, I swear!"

"Then why did you send them to this group chat?! Who else did you send them to?"

"I-i...I only sent it to the chat I swear! Taeil DM'd me so I sent it to him but they were the only people that saw it that I know of!"

"Tae-? Taeil too?!" I screeched. "Who the fuck is in this chat?!" I grabbed onto Lucas and shoved him towards the couch. Quinn made a quick rush for his phone that had been sitting on the coffee table.

"Unlock it, Lucas. Show us everything. And I mean everything." They said.

Lucas pressed his thumb to the home screen and went to the Facebook chat. "It hasn't been active much but you can see everything we've talked about." He said sadly.

Quinn scrolled through the messages and I read over their shoulder. We had scrolled all the way to the end of August, shuffling through stupid banter to get to the pictures and talks surrounding me. I collapsed into the single seat chair we had and closed my eyes. Now Taeil was roped into this which meant it was five people that I thought I could trust who dissolved our relationship into nothing.

"Wait," Quinn said. "Did Johnny not ever want to see these pics? It looks like he was trying to get them to stop."

I cracked open one eye and turned my head towards Quinn. Had they read something I skimmed over a little too much?

Lucas nodded. "Yeah, he never wanted the pics. He would always tell them to stop sending them and talking bad about you."

"Yeah, especially when you guys were keeping score of how many times you fucked Eri!" Quinn shoved at Lucas' head. "Have we taught you nothing?! We've done a lot for you! We've taken care of you and you're gonna treat them like that?!”

"I didn't think it was that bad! I still love you, Eri!"

I stood up slowly and took off my coat, leaving it behind in the chair. "Lucas, I just want you to know that I'm more heartbroken over you than anyone else. I've loved you for so long. You're like a brother to me. I held you and comforted you every time you missed your family and being back in China. I've taken care of you ever since Quinn bought you over. And now...you contributed to something that possibly spread to this entire campus. I don't think I'd ever forgive you."

"No! Eri! Please don't say that! I'm sorry! I haven't taken any other pictures since then!" He grabbed onto my arm but I shoved him away.

"Don't touch me!" I yanked my arm back and turned my attention to Quinn. "You handle him. I can't even look at him right now."

Quinn sighed and tossed Lucas' phone onto the table. "Yeah...I will."

I made a break for my room and shut the door tight behind me. I flopped onto my bed and wrapped my arms around myself. I wasn't leaving my room, I decided. Class and work could fuck off. I didn't care anymore. I pulled my blanket over myself and hid away from the world hoping that somehow when I woke up everything would magically have gone back to normal.

I woke up, later on, to the smell of menthols and musk. I thought I had somehow rolled around in my bed to hit the wall but I realized the wall was breathing. I cracked my eyes open, wincing a bit at the light coming from my desk lamp. It was dim but I had spent so much time burrowed under the covers I needed time for my eyes to readjust. He was beside me, eyes closed, with his arms curled to his chest. How the hell did he get in here? Why was he here?

"Johnny?" I croaked.

His eyes shot open instantly as if he hadn't been asleep at all. "Hey, babe." He gave me a small smile. "How are you feeling?"

"What in the fuck are you doing here?" I didn't mean it to sound harsh but I was still tired and pissed that I hadn't fucking died in my sleep.

"Quinn texted me about all the...stuff."

"Mhm." I grunted and turned away from him. "You were ever gonna tell me?"

"At first I didn't care enough about you to. Then the stuff happened with me and you know who so I wasn't in the chat as often. Then the stuff happened with your family and now...it’s blown up. I wanted to, I did, but there was so much other stuff that got in the way. But I guess we have to face it now. I'm sorry, you know that right?"

"Yeah, everyone's sorry. Of course everyone is sorry now that they got caught. No one was sorry when I was tied up and helpless. No one was sorry when I had a gag in my mouth thinking I was having a good time. No one was sorry when they realized they didn't give a damn about me. No one was sorry before but they sure as hell are now, aren't they?"

"Eri," he snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "It's not exact-" He was silent for a moment. "Where did you get these hickies from?"

"What?" I turned my head towards him, confused and annoyed that he would bring something up like that now.

He tugged at the neckline of my shirt and pulled it back. "These are new."

I shrugged him off me and curled up. "I didn't even notice to be honest."

His tongue clicked against his cheek. "Who was it?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I want to know." He stated flatly.

"And? It’s none of your business."

"Eri, fucking tell me."

I sat up and glared right at him. "It was Taeyong. He told me about the pictures and he showed me screenshots of the group chat. He showed me a part of the chat where you asked the others how many pictures they had of me."

He scoffed and slammed his hand onto the mattress. "Taeyong! Of fucking course! Who else would it fucking be."

"I don't have time to deal with your pissing contest and jealousy Johnny. I really fucking don't."

"This isn't about jealousy! Don't you see what he's fucking doing?! He has some goddamn personal vendetta against me and he wants you!"

"What vendetta would he have against you?! And he doesn't want me like that, were just friends. I trust him. He's the only one who didn't fucking lie to me."

"I didn't lie to you!" He shouted. "I never did anything or asked for your photos. The ones you sent me are the only ones I have and they're password protected on my fucking phone. He took something that I said out of context and you actually doubted me?!"

"I don't know what to think anymore Johnny!! I'm losing my mind! I have to talk with all my friends about how they destroyed my feelings for them and completely disrespected me, I have to deal with these pictures, on top of my dead grandpa, on top of my family not being here for the holidays, on top of wanted to fucking off myself every three goddamn minutes! I didn't-" I huffed in frustration. "I didn't even really know when he was inside me. It was just kind of a blur. Everything's a blur…"

Johnny gripped my hand so tight I thought my bones we're going to crumble. "You didn't know what?"

"I just didn't know. It just sort of happened. It was kinda like I was going in and out. I was sad, then I was ok, sometimes I felt something and other times I just laid there. I-i don't know."

"Eri...did he hurt you?"

"No, it wasn't...it wasn't exactly like that. It was weird. I was weird. It's just...forget about it." I said defeated.

"Look at me." He forced my head up and gripped my chin tight. "Tell me if he hurt you! Tell me right now!"

"No, he…it wasn't...it's not like that. He's not like that. I know him."

"Do you?! Do you really think that he wouldn't hurt you or hurt me to get to you?!"

"Stop yelling at me!" I shoved his hands away and smacked his chest. "Just don't touch me! Don't kiss me! Don't do anything thing! Delete all those pictures you have of me saved! Delete them!"

He removed his phone from his pants pocket and tossed it in my lap. "Do it yourself since you don't trust me."

"I do trust you! I trust you too much! I trust everyone too much! I give everyone everything and all they do is fucking take from me!" Tears splattered on the phone screen and I tried to wipe them away but my hands were shaking too much. "When is it going to end? When is it all going to end?" I whispered.

He sighed and faced me, his legs crossed. He held out his pinky and I looked up at him, hiccuping through my tears. I linked us together and held on tight, wanting to feel grounded and loved and sane. He never gave me those things but I just needed someone. Anyone.

"Eriannalisse…" I knew he wasn't saying my birth name to spite me but rather to be entirely serious. "You helped me when I thought I was worthless and an empty void. I know you're feeling exactly that and I'm going to repay the favor. You're my friend, you may be one of my best friends. I've never cared about anyone this much other than Jae and my mom. I need you to know that what's happening, right here, right now, I'm going to make it end for you. I'm gonna make damn sure you're not suffering, ok?"

I sniffled and leaned into him, setting my head on his shoulder. "How can you be so sure? How can you promise that?"

"Because...I bet my whole fucking life on it."

Johnny's POV

He had a confused look on his face as soon as he saw me outside his dorm room. "Johnny," he purred. "What brings you here?"

"Can I come inside?"

"I love it when people come inside." I rolled my eyes at his double entendre but stepped into his room, taking off my coat and setting it on his desk chair. I rolled up my sleeves and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I need you." I said flatly.

Ten's eyes widened and I could see his face flush. "E-excuse me?"

"I need you, Ten. I need you to do something for me." I stepped closer to him, making him inch backwards until he fell back onto his bed. I crawled on top of him, grabbing his face and keeping us inches apart. "Will you do it?"

"I'll do anything for you, Johnny. You know I will."

He tried to crane his neck to kiss me but I snapped my head back. "Where's your phone? How about we take with some pictures?"

"Anyway you want me, baby. Of course." He said eagerly.

"Hmm," I hummed. "You love taking naughty little pictures don't you? My little slut."

"Yes! Yes! I do. Fuck, I never thought this day would come."

"Me either, sweetheart." I gripped his chin tighter. "Give me your phone."

His body shuddered at my command and he stretched his hand out to reach for it beside his pillow. I took it graciously and pressed my knee between his legs hard. "Now we're going to play a game. Wanna know what it is?"

He nodded like an excited puppy. "Yes please!"

"It's called," I lowered myself back to his face, gripping a fistful of his hair tightly. "You ever, and I mean ever,fucking take pictures of my girlfriend again, I’ll kill you!" I growled.

"Ahh, Johnny! Fuck that hurts! What girlfriend?!"

"You know exactly who I'm talking about. Eri! You took pictures without their consent and blasted it all over the chat! Who else did you send them too?"

"N-no one! When did you become official?!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME! I swear to God you better not lie to me, Ten."

"I-im not! I swear!! It was mostly with Yuta! He has them too!" He squeaked.

"I know he does. Trust me, he'll get his next. But right now I'm two seconds away from crushing your dick and I wouldn't fucking feel bad at all. Are they only on your phone?"

"Y-yes! Let go of me!"

I yanked his hair again. "They're not on a cloud?"

"No! I swear! My own pictures are in there. I don't use my cloud storage! Johnny!"

I forced him to unlock his screen and opened up the gallery. I had to scroll through a thousand photos but I found the chunk of Eri and deleted them at once before chucking the phone at his chest. "Find any that I missed."

I let his hair go and waited for him to delete any others. "Why the f-fuck are you acting like this?!" He sniffled.

"Why am I acting like this? Because you pissed me off, Ten! Eri has been through fucking hell and back. They're on the verge of fucking killing themselves and now this shit surfaces?! You don't mess with them ever. Not for any kink shit, or hanging out, nothing. Do you understand me?."

"What's going on with them?"

"Don't pretend like you fucking care!" I hissed. "If you cared enough you wouldn't have spread this shit. They trusted you during those kink times. You're their controller person! Aren't you supposed to treat the bottom person with respect?!" He averted my gaze and stayed quiet. I knew it clicked in his head then. "I know a lot about non consent and I'm the worst person to bring that shit to." I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him to my face. "Say you won't go near them."

"Are you going to beat me up or something?"

"No, much worse. I'll find a way to bring you down if you cross me again. I just needed to get through to you and I know a little pain goes a long way. Now say it."

"I-i won't go near them…"

"Speak up!"

"I said I won't go near them!" He shouted.

"Glad we're on the same page then." I let him go completely and grabbed my coat. "Where's your shitty roommate?"

Ten shrugged. "Don't know really. I haven't seen him all day."

"Ten." I said sternly.

"I mean it, asshole!" He threw his phone at me and I narrowly dodged it. "I hate you."

"The feelings mutual. If you see him, tell him Eri’s boyfriend is looking for him.”

Eri's POV

It was hard facing Yuta. I had managed to catch him as he was coming home from studying at the library and hanging with Taeil. He was all smiles at first, until he saw the look on my face. Though I tried to sleep more, I was starting to get anxiety every time I closed my eyes and nothing would make it go away. Johnny had been gone for awhile and said he would return after work but that was hours ago. That left me to face Yuta alone. We went into his room and he sat down on his bed, patting the space beside me. I followed and kept my head low, trying to take deep breaths.

"We need to talk." I began.

"Why? What's going on?"

"I...I found out something about you that I never would have expected."

"Oh? If it's something sexual I don't think you should be surprised." He chuckled a little then almost instantly shut up.

"No, it's... Taeyong told me about something you did."

"Taeyong? What the hell does he want? Another plot to get to you or some shit?"

"He told me about the pictures."

Color drained from Yuta's face and he quickly turned his head away from me. "P-pictures?"

"Don't try to lie now. I know about the pictures you took of me during our scenes, when I was tied up, when I was gagged, when I was blindfolded, when I had toys inside me. How could you do this to me? You're literally one of my good friends and you go and betray my trust? My privacy?!"

"Eri, it was- it wasn't-!"

"I said don't lie to me!" I grabbed my phone and pulled up Taeyong and I's past conversation. "I have screenshots. I have the pictures you sent into this group chat. For you to laugh at? Or jack off to? Who else did you send them to?!"

"It wasn't anyone specific! I mean Ten had seen them and I sent some to Taeil. Most of it went into the group chat so the guys saw it."

"Did you post any online?"

"Ah...only some cropped ones. Just focusing on the rope work mostly. Nothing identifying are on those."

“You will take them down immediately.” I commanded.

“It’s for my portfolio! Those pictures are just of the rope!”

“I. Dont. Fucking. Care. You can take new pictures for your stupid fucking portfolio with people that actually give you consent! I need them deleted!” I could see the hesitation in his eyes and it only made me angrier. “You and I were good friends! We’ve known each other since sophomore year! You made my body do amazing things and every time we kissed I...something sparked! We always laughed over anime and went to the bookstore, got boba, and hung out and this is how you repay me?!” I shoved at his shoulders weakly. We had built a relationship that was supposed to be stronger than most and yet it had crumbled away in the blink of an eye. I couldn't help the tears that ran down my face. They were almost painful with how hot and full of anger they were. I hated that I was crying. I was pissed off more than anything.

"I…" Yuta tried to find the words and I waited eagerly for some sort of explanation.

"Tell me! Tell me why you thought this was ok!"

"I wasn't thinking!" He shouted.

"Of course you weren't! You have no remorse for ruining my life!"

"It wasn't like that! I just sent it to the group chat! I didn't send it anywhere else! Only the people that you've fucked have seen them!"

"That's not the point, Yuta! Even if they've seen me naked a thousand times I didn't give consent to those photos! Why did you take them in the first place?!"

"You're gonna hate the reason." He said, his voice a little quieter.

"I already hate you. Make this worse. Go ahead."

"Please don't hate me, Eri. Please."

"No, you don't get a say in how I feel. Tell me why you did it!"

He pushed his hair back and rubbed at his eyes. "I just kept them to jack off too, ok? It's not a good reason. I told you, you would hate it."

"You're a fucking pig! You know that?!"

"Call me whatever you want. I deserve it."

"No, do not, and I mean do NOT, play the victim card!"

"I'm not! I told you I deserve it! I told you the truth about why I kept them and I sent them because i wanted to! I wanted the guys to see them! I wanted them to see how hot you looked and it turned them on! It was all for us to look at and use. I can't lie about something I did! I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry!”

“You’re only sorry you got caught! We can't be friends anymore, Yuta. I mean it.”

“Eri, please, just listen-” He tried to reach out to me and I jumped up from the bed, backing away from him.

“Don’t come near me. Delete those pictures and if you don’t I’ll find out about it and it’ll be even worse. I swear.”

“I love you, Eri….” He whispered.

“No you fucking don’t! Don’t say that now! Don’t ever say that to me! It’s all bullshit. I’m not your manic pixie dream girl to put on a fucking pedastal when it’s convenient for you and I sure as hell ain’t your rope bunny anymore. Fuck off, Yuta. Fuck off and fuck you!” I opened his door and stormed out, running to the elevator and slamming my thumb against the down button. I looked at my phone and sighed. I wished I could talk to Johnny now but I knew he was busy. I had to stick it out by myself. The doors opened finally and my eyes went wide when I saw Taeyong in the elevator.

“Eri! What are you doing here?” he asked.

I sniffled and let out an exasperated sigh. “Talking to Yuta about the fucking pictures and telling him to delete them. It was...a mess.”

“I was about to do the same thing actually. I told you i would help you.”

“I know...thank you.” I stood quiet and stepped into the elevator.

“Do you want to maybe...hang out for a bit? I doubt you want to be alone right now.” He offered. I really didn’t know if I wanted to be alone or not. “We could go to my place…”

“Taeyong...about last time. Um...when we, ya know.”

“Hm? What about it?” He looked at me curiously.

“I wasn’t really feeling like myself so it was a bit weird for me and in general I don't think I can hook up with you anymore.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean you felt weird and we can’t hook up?”

“It’s not really you. I just...it’s kind of hard for me to be with anyone else right now. With everything that’s going on it’s not feeling right anymore.” I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“So because of some pictures you’re gonna stop hooking up with me?”

“It’s not just the pictures!” Why wasn’t he understanding? “It’s all these guys that i’ve fucked that I no longer trust because of it!”

“Oh, but you trust Johnny?” He snapped.

I threw up my hands in frustration. “Yes I trust Johnny because I’m in love with him!” I screamed. Taeyong took a step back at my sudden confession. It was the first time I had told someone while I was sober, someone who wasn’t family, someone who was in direct contact with Johnny and could tell him at the drop of a hat. The elevator doors opened then and I rushed out not wanting to stay within the confines of my confession. I ran until my lungs burned, not sure where to even go. I just wanted to run away from my feelings like I always did. I was struggling to catch my breath with the icy air shredding my insides. I set my hands on my knees and huffed thinking about how stupid I was to not have gone back to the student parking lot. I could have just driven home and gotten cozy but no. Here I was freezing my ass off after admitting that I was in love and yelling at my former friend that I hated him. Life sure was fucking grand.

I pulled my scarf tighter around my neck and looked around to see if I was by any of the bus stops that looped around campus. There was one up ahead and it was directly in front of the coffee shop Johnny worked at. Would I seem too needy by going inside? Even if it was for just a bit to warm up? Yeah, that was my excuse. I shuffled in, hugging myself to stop my shivering. The inside of the shop was warm and cozy which was a godsend in this winter weather. It wasn't as busy, most likely since Christmas was just around the corner and the on campus students were preparing for finals and heading back home. He was propped up on the counter talking to his coworker, smiling and laughing a bit and I wondered if maybe they were flirting. No Eri, don't be that kind of person.

I stepped closer to the counter, staying quiet and hoping he noticed me. It turned out that were talking about Game of Thrones which was a completely normal thing to talk about amongst friends. What wasn’t normal was her "You should come over sometime and we can watch it together." No Eri, you can't deck a random girl in the face.

"Well um...Eri!" Johnny's loud voice snapped me out of my evil thoughts and he jumped over the counter to come to my side. "Hey I'm going on break real quick!" He said to his coworker.

"But you already went on break!" She protested.

"Shhhh, were not busy just, fuck, give me like 10 minutes, ok?" She pouted and crossed her arms but he ignored her and pulled me over to the back table where we had sat months before. Yes Eri, you can feel a bit victorious over that. We slid into the booth on the same side and he set his arm on the back of the seat. "What happened? I told you I’d come over later."

"I talked to Yuta…" I began.

"Without me?Eri, you know I wanted to be there."

"I know but I just needed to get it over with. Then Taeyong showed up and-"

I noticed tension surrounding him and I set my hand on his chest. "Down, boy. We didn't do anything. I just came here."

"He's trying to screw you over, Eri. I fucking know it and-"

"I said down. I broke it off with him for good, ok? I don't want to be with anyone right now." I sighed.

"Wait...you don't want to be with me anymore?"

"No-no! I meant like I don't want to be with anyone else but you right now. We've just got this comfortable thing going on and it's like...uh...nice." I tried to recover as best as possible without sounding too desperate.

"Oh...cool." He leaned in for a kiss and i wrapped my arms around his neck, just needing him against me. He kissed my forehead and squeezed me tight, comforting me to the fullest.

"I don't want to linger in this negativity anymore." I confessed. "I want to do something more positive."

"Like what?"

"Well...my family isn't here and I always spend Christmas with them. Are you going to see your mom?"

He shook his head sadly. "Can't afford to right now, especially not with how much heavier the snow is getting. My tires treads are shit. It won't be safe to drive such a long distance again."

"Do you want to maybe come over instead of being alone? We could have our own little Christmas together. Maybe make it suck a little less."

"That sounds nice actually." He smiled. "Jae can't go back to Korea either so i can have him tag along. Will Quinn be there?"

I nodded. "They don't really see their family a lot. They're not talking."

"Well sweet. Then it'll be the four of us."

The four of us. I couldn't help but think about my Lucas. He had spent the past two Christmases with us and this was the first time he wouldn't be. I didn't want to see him just yet but god I cared about him so much that I needed to make sure he was okay. I needed to find someone who would look after him. Maybe Doyoung? I would have to see what his plans were and if he would agree to such a thing. I hated bothering him especially since my life had been consumed by so many disasters that I barely saw him. Now I would be asking him to do a huge favor for me. I was sure he was going to turn me down but it was worth a shot.

"What are you thinking about?" Johnny asked. I didn't want him to get riled up or have to explain my complicated feelings towards my best friends so instead I lied and told him I blanked out. That seemed to satisfy him and he cupped my face in his hand. "I should get going. We're gonna try to clean up a bit early so we can lock up on time. I'll be over at like 10, ok?"

I nodded. "I'd like that a lot. I'll see you."

He slid out of the booth and I followed suit, getting ready to plunge myself in the frozen tundra once again. "Hey, you want a hot chocolate before you go?" He asked.

I smiled and held him around his waist. "Absolutely."

I looked at the various foods I had cooking and sighed. I was trying too hard to make up for the fact that Johnny, Jae, Quinn, and I weren’t with our families. I was still thinking about Lucas, who was now with Doyoung who had graciously accepted my favor. I promised to save them a whole feast from what I cooked in exchange. Doyoung got a brief rundown of what had happened with the pictures though I dodged the bit about Lucas being involved. I didn’t want Doyoung to be malicious to him in his overprotective nature and instead told him we had a small falling out and that it was a bit awkward between us. It wasn’t entirely a lie and was enough to get Lucas under Doyoungs watchful eye. Maybe in a few weeks I would feel better about talking to him and would answer his 'i love you' texts.

I had piles of Tupperware filled with food for the both of them, serving as both a show of gratitude and to help me fulfill my destiny of turning into my damn grandmother. I wanted to make sure everyone ate, no one felt lonely, and I was okay slaving away to do so. It was almost comedic. I sighed and wiped my hands on my shorts before grabbing an oven mitt to check on the pork I had cooking. There was a knock on the door then and I shouted for Quinn to open it. They had been frantically doing some last minute cleaning and were zipping around like they had three energy drinks in their system. "I got it!" They called out and ran to the door.

I heard Jae and Johnny come in, loud and all laughs as usual. I ignored them for now and poked at the meat with a fork, testing it's tenderness. It had been cooking since I woke up at 6 am (again, another sign of me turning into my grandma) and I wanted to make sure it was perfect. I decided it needed just a little bit more time and then I could put the pies in. Even with everything I had made I wondered it it was enough and if everyone would like it. I felt a hand on my hip then and I stood up straight, turning to face Johnny. "Hey, baby." He said lowly before his eyes flickered to my hair. "What did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

He ran his fingers through my ponytail and pouted just a bit. "It's straight."

I shrugged. "I wanted to look nice I guess."

"I like the curls better." He cupped my face nonetheless and placed a few tender kisses against my lips. "Also what the hell are you making? Are you trying to feed an army?"

"Yeah well...about that…" I chuckled, nervously. "Once I started I couldn't stop so...now I have a lot. It's mostly american and carribean stuff. I wasn't sure if I should try to make anything Korean. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself."

"It all smells fucking good. I'm starving."

Jae came into the kitchen then, hauling a case of beer and a few bottles of light and dark liquor. "Eri, where should I put these? Is there room in the fridge?"

I nodded. "Should be. You can leave the liquor out if you want to start this off right."

"I'll settle for a beer right now."

"Toss me one too." Johnny said.

Jae opened the fridge and slid the arsenal inside before tossing a can to Johnny. They both popped open their cans and took a few gulps before Jae realized he was awkwardly standing with us. "Well...I'll leave you two to be sluts and what not." He left the kitchen then, going off to find Quinn who I believe disappeared into their room.

Johnny and I laughed but also fell into a little bit of awkwardness of our own. "So, how you holding up?" He dared to ask.

"What do you mean?"

He gestured vaguely at the food and the kitchen. "You know...you're not with your family. Your grandpa isn't here...all the shit with the photos…"

I diverted my eyes to the tiled floor. "I'm trying." I said softly. "If not easy. I didn't cry when I talked to my mom though so that was a big step for me. Her and Dani are still down there, probably will come back after New Year's. I guess I drowned myself in cooking because it's what I always used to watch my grandma do."

"Have you taken a break yet?"

"Nah, not really. Been up since 6 am."

He grabbed onto my hand and started to pull me away from the kitchen. "C'mon. You need to sit down."

"I can't! I have to finish the pies and-"

"Eri, a little break won't kill you. Come on."

I pouted and gave in to his demand, letting him drag me towards my room. He closed the door softly behind us and sat down on my bed, sipping at his beer again. I sat beside him, unsure of exactly what he wanted me to do "How long do I have to sit here?"

"Eri, please. Just...chill. you can never stay still." He set his beer down on the floor and sighed. "I don't want you to overwork yourself."

"It just helps to stop thinking...I don't want to think." I admitted. He leaned into me slowly, placing soft kisses against me. I set my hand on his waist, sighing softly as he cupped my neck. I don't know how long we got lost in each other but it felt like a security blanket wrapped around me. I smiled when we parted, keeping him close to me.

"Hey um...i, uh, got you something." He said suddenly.

"W-what? Like a Christmas gift?"

"Yeah, um…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. My eyes went wide as I completely was unexpecting.

"Is that a jewelry box?!" I squeaked, clutching at my chest.

"Yeah…" He flipped open the lid and I stared at the bracelet that laid within it. "It's a constellation and the stone parts are like the stars or whatever, because, you know, you like all that astrology shit and the, um, stars. So…" He was stumbling over his words and I could see his ears flushing slightly.

"O-oh...oh wow." Was all I could say. I was too stunned. It was gorgeous; so simple yet so thoughtful. It looked like it cost way too much too. I was confused as to why he would go through so much to buy me something as amazing as this but I was forever grateful.

"You don't like it, do you?"

I shook my head quickly. "No! No! It's beautiful! Seriously, oh my god. C-can I wear it?"

"Oh! Yeah! Uh-" He pulled the bracelet out carefully but dropped the box in the process. The both of us bent down to pick it up and ended up knocking our heads together. "Ouch! Shit!"

I rubbed at the sore spot on my temple and as we both looked at each other we burst into laughter. We were truly a pair of klutzy idiots. He nodded towards the bracelet and I extended my wrist, letting him clasp it on. The cheesiest grin crossed my face as I stared at the glimmering tiny stones. I truly did love it. I wrapped my arms around him tight, practically crashing into him. "Thank you, Johnny. Seriously."

"It's nothing, baby. You deserve it."

I stayed in his arms for a bit until I came to a harsh realization. "Shit…" I muttered.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I didn't want to look at him as I now felt like an utter fool. "I...I got you something too but it doesn't compare to how great this is."

"What? What could you have possibly gotten me?"

"I don't wanna show you now! It's wack!"

"No! Now you have to! Please! Let me see!" He pleaded.

I pouted but went over to my desk and grabbed the gift. I held out my fist and dropped it into his open palm. He stared at it for awhile. "Ohh...it's a rock."

I groaned and covered my face. "Well it's fluorite! And it's supposed to help with anxiety and calmness. So I wire wrapped it and made it into a necklace but now it's stupid and not great and just give it back to me!" I reached for it but he craned his body away, extending his long arm so I could reach. He pushed me away gently and put the necklace around him.

"Thank you." He kissed my forehead, then my lips, then my cheek. "I like it. Alot."

"You're just saying that. You can just throw it out."

"Never." He pulled me close to his chest and squeezed me tight. I sighed softly and wrapped my arms around him, stealing all his warmth. "I have another present for you "

"What?! No! Johnny, what the hell!? You shouldn't have!" I wanted to curl away from all the spoiling attention he was giving me.

"It's not like a gift- gift. But I do need something from you."

"Like what?" I said suddenly confused.

"Restraints."

It was almost as if time stopped and we stared at each other awkwardly as I couldn't think of anything to say. My mind was screaming but my body remained frozen. Restraints? As in...restraints in the bedroom? As in...kinky? As in...him wanting to tie me up? As in me panicking? Oh yes, okay, THOSE restraints. "Excuse me?" Was the best words my mouth could make.

Johnny rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. "Yeah, so, like, those ties or something simple. Do you have some?"

"U-uh, yeah but...what?"

"Just trust me ok?"

I was still stunned and confused but I slid off the bed and got on my knees to pull out the box that had my beginner equipment in it from under my bed. I blew the dust off the top and opened it up, not having paid attention to it in awhile. "U-uh...here, I guess." I set the box in his lap to rifle through.

He moved some things aside, pulling out silk ties and a blindfold. Then he took an interest in a small finger vibe I had, looking over the nubs in confusion. "What's this?" He flicked on the switch and almost tossed it into the air as the vibrations started. "Ohohohohoh! Shit!" He fumbled to shut it off and dumped it back in the box.

"It's a finger vibe. You just...put it on your finger and go to town. It's actually nice I just haven't used it in awhile." I blushed.

"Does it actually work?"

"Want me to show you?"

He bit his bottom lip and nodded. "Definitely." I set the box aside and started working open his pants when he stopped me. “Whoawhoawhoa! Not on me! On you!”

“I don't want to really do it on me. I think you would like it. Just give it a shot. Have you ever used a vibrator before?”

“NO! Why would I need to?! I’m a guy!”

I rolled my eyes. “And? Guys use vibators all the time. Stop being such a dumb boy.” I opened his pants and nudged them down a bit so I could get to his boxers. He was tense and watching my every move, his fists balled up tightly at his sides. I put the vibe on my finger and slipped him out, turning it on and running it over him gently.

“O-oohhh fuck!” He breathed out in a stutter. He swallowed hard and wiggled his hips, trying to squirm away. “W-why does it f-feel like that?!”

“Feel like what?” I moved my finger over his head, circling the nubs over the circumference. “Does it feel good?”

He hid behind his hand and i heard the smallest whimper come out. I almost squealed at how cute and shy his was being. It was absolutely adorable but i didn’t want to embarrass him even further. I decided to tease him just a bit more, flowing up and down his shaft that was just beginning to grow and all the way down to his balls. I spent minutes working my finger over him until I was able to grip him fully. I adjusted myself in bed, lowering my mouth and letting him past my lips all while keeping up my vibrating strokes. He was nothing but a flurry of curses and squirms but eventually his curses turned into moans and begs to God.

He set his hand on the back of my head rather gently but with enough pressure to keep me steady. I still was only able to get him half way down my throat but made sure to pleasure him in a multitude of ways. I popped off him for a moment to plaster kisses along the underside of his cock, following it with licks and firm pulsating grasps. While he was distracted by that I snuck the vibrator to that ever so sensitive and secretive spot behind his balls. He kicked his legs out, curling his toes and tensing. I couldn't help but giggle. "You okay?" I smirked.

All he could do was nod and edge himself back to my lips, a sign that he wanted me to torture my throat some more. I treated him to harsher sucks and pumps all while rubbing circles into him, letting the vibrations drive him crazy. He was letting out muffled moans beneath his hand and by the way he was throbbing against my tongue I knew that he was close. Pre cum had already coated my taste buds and I waited until the very last second to pull away. It didn't take long for thick spurts to fall against his chest and stomach, overflowing onto my hand and wrist. I backed my head away so I wouldn't get any on my face or hair but god that was the hardest he'd ever cum before. I stared at his now stained shirt in awe, noticing the way his torso shuttered at the overwhelming sensation. He tapped at my hand furiously and I realized that I had the vibe still on him just as another few ropes burst forth. I pulled my hands back completely, my eyes wide and staring in wonder. He finally moved his hand away from his mouth. "Jesus! Fuck! Christ! Shit!"

I jumped a little at his booming voice. "U-um...you good?"

He shoved off his plaid button up and carefully tossed off his cum covered shirt. "Off now!" At first I didn't know what he meant as he was now shoving off the rest of his clothes. It clicked when he grabbed at my shorts and pulled them down around my ankles quickly.

"J-johnny!" I squeaked and wiped my hand on the bed sheets before he grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head. His other hand fumbled for the silk ties and in a few haphazard knots I was trapped against my headboard. He set the blindfold over me, blocking out everything he was going to do. My heart thundered in my ears as the mystery of it all intensified. Could he really go again?

I felt his hands part my thighs then a heavy long pause. If he hadn't been touching me I would've thought he had left me stranded. But then I felt breath trickling over the beginnings of my wetness. I tensed almost every muscle in my body. The last time he attempted this he had to stop for the anxiety got to be too much. I didn't want him to feel that way again but I knew that talking about it also freaked him out. Without a better plan I silenced myself and felt the first lick. He seemed to be a bit more...eager than before. The licks were quick yet powerful enough to make me feel every electrifying sensation. His big tongue circled around my entrance, diving in ever so slightly before trailing back up. He took my clit between his lips adding gentle sucks and moans to it. I wondered if he would care for any encouragement instead of bombarding him with pleads of telling him that he didn’t have to. “Jo-johnny...keep doing that. It feels good.”

I couldn’t see his reaction but his sucks got just a touch rougher so he seemed to take the criticism well. His hands settled on my thighs, rubbing them slowly as he released my sensitive bundle of nerves and opted for alternating licks. I started relaxing, trying to give off an air of comfort and pleasure. He was trying his best and it made me warm with intense proud feelings. I squirmed my hips just a bit, trying to nudge him in the right direction once he had begun his licks. They were starting to get a little chaotic and I bit down on my lip preparing myself to guide him. “U-um...slow down. You don't have to go so fast.” I said softly.

He stopped quickly. “S-sorry.”

“No, it’s ok. You don't have to be perfect. I’ll help you out. Is that okay?”

“I feel stupid that I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Don't. I want you to make me cum like this.” I whimpered. “Will you do that for me?”

“F-fuck...u-um...yeah, sure, um…” His licks nudged against me definitely slower, unfortunately a little too slow.

“Think of a middle ground. Just like a medium speed.” He sighed in frustration and I could tell that he was getting pissed that he didn’t seem like the perfect fuckboy sexgod he presented himself as before he met me. But he tried again, getting the hang of the speed I wanted and grazing a particularly sensitive place around my inner lips. I arched a bit and let out a small whimper, squeezing my eyes shut behind the blindfold. “G-good!”

He hummed in understanding, keeping up the motions as I flexed my wrists against the ties. I could easily slip out of them as the knots weren’t that tight but I didn't let him know that. I kind of put together that he needed me to be restrained because of how much his assaulter forced him down but of course if that got him to be a little experimental with ties that was fine by me. He was starting to find that curling his tongue upwards was also a way to get me writhing more and worked those perfect licks into me. "T-that's good too." I sighed softly.

"Should I like...uh...use my fingers?"

"Yes!"

"Oh! Shit, ok ok." His tongue concentrated on the upper part of my sensitivity while he slipped a solitary finger into me. Slowly he moved his fingers in low strokes, curling every so often. He pulled my clit back between his lips just as his finger pushed against my walls just barely an inch inside me. My moan was louder than I expected and scared us both. "Uh, did I do something wrong?!"

"Noooooopppeeeee, nope, nope! Something right! Something right!"

"Oh fuck uh, what was it?! What did I do right?!"

"Just the way you w-eere sucking a-and- where you had your finger. Can you try and do it again? Please?"

"Y-yeah. Um. Shit, fuck." He was between my thighs again perfecting the suction to my nerves but not quite finding the magic spot he had before. I wiggled my hips trying to see if I could manage to help him hit it. Why the fuck was it easier with his dick than his fingers?! Or maybe the full feeling was what got me off instead. Now I was starting to get frustrated. "Eri quit moving or I'm gonna stop!" He whispered harshly.

"S-sorry! It was just that your finger is close! It wasn't that far in! It was just- FUCK!"

"Here?" He pressed into it again and I nodded furiously. "Heh, sweet." I nudged him with my foot, a sign to shut the fuck up and continue. He was learning to get to the right speed of his sucks, even alternating between a little bit fast and slow. He also found out that circling just the tip of his tongue around my clit was gaining him extremely loud mewls. My calves were tensing as my legs shook and I could feel him getting me just a bit closer to cumming. "Should I add another one?" He said after kissing my clit.

"Yes, god, yes." He pushed in a second finger, filling me up more. I arched just a bit and dipped my hips lower making his fingers thrust into me before coming back down to put the attention on that special spot. He seemed to be ok with me rocking my hips and worked to have his fingers meet me as his tongue added cute licks here and there. “A-almost…" I panted.

His free hand was on my hip again, pressing into the dip of my hip bone, adding more and more pressure with all his other motions until I gasped loudly, my walls tense and pulsing around him as my clit throbbed with little shocks of orgasmic bliss. He slowed his fingers until my breathing steadied and he pulled out completely. I felt him crawl up the bed and release my hands and the blindfold. I blinked a few times, readjusting to the light, and saw him hovering above me with a smile on his face. “Was it ok?” He asked, wiping the mess I left on his face away with the back of his hand.

“Yeah! Bro, you did it! Holy shit! You did the thing!”

“I did the thing!” He chuckled.

I held up my hand and we high fived each other before I wrapped my arms around him tight. “I’m so proud of you, Johnny.”

“Thanks...you know what the best part is?”

I pulled away and looked at him, loving how he was absolutely glowing. “What, baby?”

“I liked it.” He smirked.

“Ooohhhh, you saucy boy. If you want to practice some more then you know i’m definitely okay with being your test subject.”

He flopped down onto the bed and pushed his hair back. “Hah, of course. I know you would. I wouldn’t do it with anyone else.”

I laid down beside him and gave him a chaste kiss. “Thank you...it means a lot.”

He snaked his arm around my waist and kept me close, not letting me leave just one gentle kiss behind. Instead we were back at our usual heavy makeout session, unable to get enough of each other.

Suddenly there was a banging at my bedroom door. “HEY!” Quinn yelled. “Are you gonna stop fucking and check the food? I don't want it to burn! And i’m hungry!”

Johnny and I sighed and laid on our backs staring up at the ceiling. “Fucking christ...YEAH IM COMING!”

“I KNOW! I HEARD YOU! WHAT ABOUT THE FOOD?!”

Johnny facepalmed and sighed. “Why are they this dumb?”

“Sssshhh,” I hissed. “Listen they may be dumb but they make up for it in being cute. Kinda like you. QUINN, I MEANT I’M COMING TO FINISH THE FOOD!”

“Hey! I’m not dumb!” He nudged me and I slapped at his hand before getting up from the bed.

“Just stay here,” I pulled on my clothes and fixed my ponytail. “I’ll clean up and then come get you when the food’s done, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. I’mma have a smoke, that cool?”

I waved at him, mostly ignoring him and heading out to the bathroom so I could wash my hands and make myself not so sticky.

Stuffing our faces lead to taking a giant nap together on the couch. Somehow the four of us squished into the loveseats in completely uncomfortable positions on top of one another, sleeping off the abundance of food. I was the first to wake up to Johnny grumbling against my neck while his thumb rubbed against my thigh absentmindedly. My neck felt stiff and I pulled away to crack practically every bone in my body. I stretched and shook out the sleep, heading towards the kitchen to get busy putting the food away. I tried to be as quiet as possible but it was a bit difficult moving around pots and pans without making a sound. I was even tiptoeing through the kitchen and almost screamed when I felt arms wrap around my waist.

"Relax." Johnny said groggily. "It's just me." He squeezed me to his big body and kissed at my neck. "Why'd you leave? I like sleeping with you."

"It was starting to get too uncomfortable. The four of us don't fit on that couch. My neck is so stiff."

"Hm? Yeah?" His hands slid up my shoulders and towards my neck and he pressed his thumbs into my vertebrae, working through the knots slowly. I sighed and leaned into his touches, loving every minute of it. "We should go lay down in your bed."

"Ohh no. If we do that now you're going to trap me and either sleep forever or try and fuck me, two things of which I can't do right now. I have to finish putting away this stuff and washing all the dishes by myself." I rolled my eyes.

"Why by yourself?"

"Quinn doesn't like 'touching food' and I don't know, you guys are guests so…"

He grabbed a now empty pot and went over to the sink, turning on the water and dousing it with soap. "I got it. Don't sweat it."

"Well my hero, isn't that a turn on? All I need from you is to take your shirt off." I said playfully.

He smirked as he scrubbed away at the pan. "You want me to?"

I entertained the idea for a moment. "No. No. I don't want anything slutty going on. You stick to washing and I'll stick to being the maid."

"All you're missing is the outfit. You know the one where you bend over and I can see your-"

"Johnathan. Behave." I grabbed a stack of containers and opened the fridge, bending over to play Tetris on the middle and bottom shelves.

"Hmm, those shorts are close enough."

I shot up quickly, covering my butt. "Hush!"

He flicked some suds at me and stuck his tongue out. "not my fault you got a fat ass."

"It isn't even that big!" I gasped and he gave me a 'really?' look. "Listen. Don't start." He landed a wet slap to my ass and I playfully hit his shoulders, giggling a bit and trying to fight back against his suds. He ended up grabbing a hold on me again and covering me in aggressively playful kisses to my cheek.

“Can you two stop being gross and loud for a minute?” We looked up to see a pissed off Jae rubbing his eyes and yawning. “You woke me up.”

“My bad, man. We’re just cleaning up.” Johnny tried hiding his laughter.

Jae rolled his eyes and shuffled to the fridge to get a beer, cracking it open almost instantly. “We gonna party or what? I don't need sad reminders of not being with my family now.”

“Drinking to forget is my specialty, especially drinking to forget family. Pop off, my friend. Where did the liquor go?"

"I out it in the cabinet because you had all this shit on the counter." Jae said. I opened the cabinet and stared up at the whiskey and burbon Jae had put on the top shelf wondering why the absolute fuck he decided that it was a good idea to put it out of reach. I glared at the bottles as if i could make them float down to me.

“Why are you just staring at it?” Jae asked.

Johnny dried off his hands and grabbed the bottles. “Don't you know, Jae, little short demons are always angry at things they cant reach.”

“Oh shut up and get the shot glasses while you're at it too. I’m going to wake up Quinn.” I rolled my eyes and went over to the couch, shaking Quinn gently. “Hey, you up? The guys want to start drinking. I might turn on some music too.”

They rolled over and stretched their limbs, looking up at me. “Oh boy. How long did we sleep for?"

"Few hours? They're gonna bring the liquor over."

They sat up and grabbed onto me, burying their face in my chest. "I just want to cuddle."

I smiled and kissed their temple. "We can cuddle." Johnny plopped down next to me then, setting the bottles and shot glasses on the coffee table. Jae sat on the opposite side, setting up his pipe, blunts, and grinder. Quinn left me the instant he got to work grinding and packing a bowl. So much for cuddling. Johnny leaned over me, squishing me to the back of the couch to reach for a joint. I pouted and got up from the couch, moving away from the three potheads to connect my phone to the Spotify app on my PlayStation. I put on music that was mostly normal so I wouldn't hear any complaints about heavy riffs and screaming and opened the whiskey to pour myself a shot as clouds of smoke wafted around me.

Johnny nudged me, grunting at me to pour him a shot while he reclined back in the seat and puffed away. I laughed and left him there, going to the kitchen to see if I had any Fireball left. "Thanks!" He called to me sarcastically.

"I'm sure you can figure out how your hands work, Johnathan!" I checked some of my lower cabinets and almost kissed the bottle when I saw that I had managed to stash it away at some point in time. It had just enough for a few shots of my Three Amigos and I was ready to lose myself in cozy brown liquor that altered my reality into something I loved. I set myself down in front of the coffee table, laying out my three shot glasses and pouring my drug of choice into them.

"What are you doing?" Johnny asked.

"Partying, duh." I gulped down all three is a matter of seconds and just in time to hear Jaehyun start belting out some Bruno Mars as it come on in my playlist.

Johnny took one look at Jae then back at me. "I love him and he has the voice of an angel but when Bruno comes on he won't stop. I'll have what you're having please."

"Well since you asked so nicely, I guess I'll do it this time." I poured him his shots, urging him to drink them quickly so I could have another round. He took them down much slower, probably just to spite me. He licked his lips and patted his lap, beckoning me to take my place on top of him. "Why should I?"

He pointed at the screen of the tv and we both smirked, knowing exactly what kind of atmosphere the new song created. I poured one last quick shot before going over to straddle his lap. He took a long drag before tilting his head back to exhale. I set my hands on his chest and hummed along to the lyrics before landing soft kisses to his neck. His hand settled on his favorite spot of my ass and groped me hard. "And I'll keep leading you on if you keep leading me into your room." He whispered the lyrics into my ear. I nipped at his neck annoyed at how accurate they were when it came to him. All he did was chuckle and coax his hand up my sides to wrap around my breast. He took another drag and instead exhaled the smoke over my neck and down to the valley between my breasts. I don't know why but the almost impossible to feel smoke wafting over my skin made my body shudder and bend to whatever will he wanted me to. I ground my hips into him then, enticing him to roll against me and create a hellfire friction between us. “Baptise in your thighs till it hurts.” He whispered again, purposefully enticing me with promises of his new found interest in having my cum smeared across his lips.

I felt a slap on my ass then and went to yell at Johnny but we both realized it had come from Quinn. “Hey!” I said.

“Why are you two always wanting to fuck on the couch?!”

“We’re not fucking on the couch! It’s just a song that we like together. “

“Uh-huh, y'all are tryin’ to get freaky.”

“Please don’t. I already saw your tits once.” Jae added as reached for my phone to flip through the rest of my playlist, annoying me as he changed the song.

“Jae.” Johnny said sternly, hating the reminder of when Quinn and Jae had caught us.

“What? I mean they’re nice just not the ones I want to see.”

I covered my chest, blushing a little at his semi compliment. Quinn interjected before I could say anything else though. “Well I want to see them!”

“Quinn you see them all the time.” I chuckled. “They’re not special.”

“They are to me. Gimme!” They extended their small hands and made grabbing motions like a child.

“Cut it out.” Johnny growled. “You don’t need to touch them, that’s what you have Jae for. Go touch him.”

"Wait, what am I doing?" Jae asked as he exhaled a large cloud of smoke.

"Touch your girlfriend so she can get off mi-" He cleared his throat. "Get off of Eri I mean."

I rolled my eyes almost believing I could see the back of my skull. "Guys, seriously. Cut it out. I just want to have fun and drink without you two arguing, please."

"The more you drink, the faster the clothes come off." Quinn giggled before she crashed her lips against mine.

I could feel Johnny shift in the seat, ready to launch himself at any moment. His hand was on my hip, trying to pull me back but I felt Jae slap him away, whispering harshly about letting us continue. I was tired of their little battle and decided to keep myself flush against Quinn, feeling the softness of their lips and bitter taste of smoke on her tongue. Their hands immediately disappeared beneath my tank top, caressing over my chest, like they had wanted to, and pinching lightly at my nipple. I let out a soft moan and edged my ass against Johnny, hoping that he would take the queue and not be so hellbent on jealousy and being a stick in the mud. Jaehyun certainly was ready to join as he worked bites and kisses across Quinn's neck.

"Eri." I heard Johnny say sternly. I reached back for his hand and placed it between my thighs which he immediately rejected. I parted from Quinn to catch a moment's breath and looked back at him.

"C'mere." I pleaded and he narrowed his eyes in disapproval. “Don’t be so pouty. It’s christmas. We’re supposed to have fun together. Mistletoes and all that shit.”

“I’m literally right here and you’re doing this?” He huffed.

‘Baby, it’s no big deal. It’s just Quinn.” I closed my eyes and went back to resume my kiss with my best friend, colliding our lips in gentle waves and small licks. It did feel a bit strange though...Like I had never felt their lips before…

“What the heck?!” Quinn exclaimed.

I opened my eyes and realized that I had missed my trajectory entirely and had ended up kissing Jae instead. “Oh.” I said.

“Fuck.” Jae finished.

“ERI!!!” Johnny shouted which made me shrink back instantly.

“Ok, listen, I missed! My eyes were closed!! I thought Quinn was closer! Sorry! I didn’t mean too!” I covered my face in embarrassment.

“I’m going to kill all of you.” Johnny growled. “What the hell are y'all doing?!”

“I mean…” Jae shrugged. “We could always...have a foursome?” Now it was our turn to adjust our attention to Jae. “What?” He sounded so casual as if what he suggested was the most logical thing in the world.

“How much did you smoke?! I literally don’t share.” Johnny said flatly. “I never have and never will. Also, what the actual fuck?! You’re my friend!”

“Well i guess we could make it a threesome…” Quinn said softly.

“Jae’s not even attracted to me!” I threw up my hands in frustration.

He shrugged. “You’re not that bad, just not my type. But, like, we could still fuck.”

“Oh my god. This is a clusterfuck if I’ve ever seen one.” I shook my head and poured myself another shot, needing a bunch more alcohol for this sudden proposition.

“No. No threesomes. No nothing.” Johnny said.

“Dude, it wouldn’t be like...that bad. It’s not gay if our dicks don’t touch so there’s that.” Jae added.

I almost snorted mid shot and Quinn laughed. We took one look at each other and laughed even louder. “Two bros chillin’ in the hot tub five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay!”

“Well it would be true! Johnny and I don’t have to touch each other!” Jae protested.

“Oh, sorry my hand brushed against your hand, bro. No homo, bro!” Quinn said in a mocking deep voice. “Just gotta make sure my dick doesn’t do the same, bro!”

I laughed harder, clutching at my sides. “Jae, you’re literally so ridiculous! You think that-”

Suddenly I was yanked up from the couch and tossed over Johnny’s shoulder as if he was Tarzan and I was Jane. “Johnny, what the fuck!! Put me down!” I yelled but he ignored me. I banged my fists against his back, helpless against the death grip he had around my waist. He ignored my fighting and instead opened the door to my room. Once we were inside, it was slammed shut and I was tossed onto my bed. I landed harshly and pouted at him. "Where do you get off handling me like that?!"

"What the hell is your problem?" He growled in my face.

"What are you even talking about?"

"You literally make out with Quinn in front of me then kiss my best friend and now you want to have a foursome?!”

“The kiss was an accident! And Jae was the one who suggested it! I just thought...ya know...it might be fun...what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that you fucked Taeyong and now you’re throwing yourself at our friends. Fucking quit it Eri.”

“We’re not together! You said it yourself that you didn’t want me to be your girlfriend!”

“Why do you keep bringing that up!?” He yelled.

“Because it’s true! We’re single, Johnny. I can do whatever I want!” I protested.

“Oh like get drunk off your ass and start making out with everyone?”

“First of all, i’m not drunk. Second of all, you’re the one that got high and then became a jealous jerk! Why are you always jealous? Hmm? You act like you own me and can command me and I would do whatever you say? Do you actually even want me, Johnny? Or do you just want to make sure that no one else can have me, like im some fucking piece of property! Is that it?”

“Do I want you?” He scoffed. “Do I fucking want you?” He grabbed onto my shoulder and shoved me face down on my bed, landing a hard thwack against my ass. Did he just...Did he just spank me?

“Johnny! What the hell!?” I questioned. He had never ever done that before. One, two, three, four more blows hit without a single word from him. I could already feel the print his hand left behind on my burning skin. I looked back and could see truly how pissed off he was. His eyes were blackened and I was unable to figure out exactly what was going on in that feral mind of his. All I knew was that he yanked my shorts up to expose more of my ass and decorated the other cheek with the same aggressive touch. I clutched at my bedsheets, letting out strained groans of pain. My teeth sunk into the edge of my mattress as my feet kicked into the air. He kept me firmly bent over the edge of my bed so he could stay within the pace of his relentless attacks. He didn't stop until my ass felt completely raw and as hot as the sun.

I was a whimpering mess then, a few tears had threatened to crawl down my cheeks but most of all I could feel the sticky drenched feeling in my panties. Him taking control and spanking me had me hornier than ever, coupled with the fact that he still had me pissed off meant my body was in a lustful overdrive. All the while I was still fucking confused as to why he was acting like this every time I seemed to give attention to someone else. It was fucking annoying but lord was I too stupid to want him to stop. He yanked my shorts away from my body and pressed himself against my back. "Do you want to fucking piss me off again, Eri?"

I swallowed hard. "Of course I do. If a little jealousy is all it takes to get you to act like you want me then I'll fuck anyone in front of you just to get you mad." None of that was particularly true but the growl he let out had my entire being vibrating with excitement.

"You’re such a fucking brat I swear. Why the fuck do I call you princess when all you do is act like a little shit?" He lifted my hips with one hand while the other dove between my thighs, wasting no time plunging three long fingers inside me. "You're fucking wet from that? Dumbass."

I spread my legs further apart and tried raising my ass against him more. I needed his fingers deeper, stretching me until I was so full. "Fuc-fuck you. You say I'm all talk, you don't do anything but throw t-ta-tantrums!" I moaned as his knuckles curled against me, pushing past my entrance and making sure he was able to stroke my aching walls. I could feel the smoothness of the two rings he wore on his index and middle finger rubbing through his motions and I was almost drooling at the absolute perfect feeling. Give me more, please give me more!

"Tantrum?" His free hand gripped my hair and yanked my head to the side. "Like what you have when you don't get your way? You want to fuck everyone without consequences but when someone calls you out on it, you're suddenly the victim."

"Takes a slut to know a slut! You're not innocent either. You act like a dog, pissing everywhere to mark some territory that no one can cross!" I almost screamed when his teeth sunk into my neck. I felt as if he wanted to tear my jugular open and have my blood splatter against the wall and yet it made me reach between us and grab onto his wrist tight. My voice lowered to a pathetic whisper. "Don't stop, Johnny. Please don't stop."

"Funny how your tone changes when your getting stretched open. You're so needy, Eri."

"C-cum!" Was all I could beg. His fingers had always been pure magic. Tonight was no different and I found myself grinding harder into his palm. He wasn't giving me the satisfaction though. He ripped himself away, making my entrance clench around nothingness and my fist hit the bed in frustration. "Johnny!!"

I raised my ass and wiggled my hips trying to entice him to give me everything I wanted but he landed a slap to my hips before shoving them away. I flopped onto my side and looked up at him with doe eyes. He carelessly tossed his shirt and pushed my legs wide open, making me lay flat on my back. His hand gripped my neck instantly and I couldn't help the satisfied smile that crossed my lips. I was in full sub mode, alternating between a whiny brat and perfect princess that deserved the world. It was a side I hadn't exactly showed him yet but I guess the Christmas spirit meant I would be getting fucked out of my mind.

"How about I invite Taeyong in to see you like this, hmm? Does he know that you prefer to be choked and crushed beneath someone bigger than you? To be stretched out until you squirt? Or did you just settle for less?"

"S-shut up." I croaked. "You're not that great." My eyes rolled back a bit and I kept my legs wide hoping to get more from him. Instead he commanded me to open my mouth which I happily obliged to. The three fingers that had been inside of me were now down my throat, my inability to breathe intensifying. The rings clattered against my teeth while the tips of his fingers edged at the back of my throat. I was close to gagging but the pressure on my windpipe kept me grounded. I wanted to beg for more, for him to make me an absolute wreck but I could only rub my small hand up and down his forearm and try and sneak the other to my center. I tried to fill myself just to take some of the edge off but his voice made me jump.

"Eri, don't you dare!" I ripped my fingers away and kicked my feet letting him know that I was extremely frustrated. He pressed his fingers onto my tongue and smirked down at me. "I didn't say you could. Isn't this what you want? All that denial and punishment shit? Yeah...I think I'm starting to like this. Nothing's better then fucking you so hard that you forget about that scrawny shit starter."

Make me forget. God, please make me forget. As much as I wanted the torture on my lungs to continue it was starting too become too painful for me to handle. I tapped on his arm and he released his hands, allowing me to breathe. I gulped down air as fast as I could while he slid off the bed momentarily. My eyes stayed glued the hand that worked his belt open. The clanking and zip of fabric sliding against the belt loops rang in my ears as if I was hypnotized by the oddly eroticness of the simple motion. He plucked his button open and unzipped his jeans before shuffling them down his long legs. I propped myself on my elbows to admire the way he looked so perfect and golden even with the winter sun barely peeking through grey clouds.

I reached out for him, wanting to get on my knees so I could look up into his dark eyes. Instead, he was mounting me again, lips chasing mine and his big tongue filling up my mouth easily. I clung onto his shoulders and let him pull my tongue towards his, sucking harshly. My hips pushed towards the center of his boxer briefs and he still punished me with a hard slap to my outer thigh. It seemed like I was never going to get off at this pace. I hoped to all hell he didn't leave me hanging like Yuta or Ten had done in the past. With the way he was acting I didn't think I could handle it. When he jerked his head back to force our kiss to seperate, I begged him to touch me again. It was a pitiful chorus of "Please, Daddy, please" until he beckoned me to adjust myself to get closer to his cock.

He sat back against the wall and I eagerly shifted to crawl between his thighs and take him into my mouth. His fingers dug through my hair and kept my head in place. I had no idea why I craved to have him fill my mouth. It wasn't something I still particularly cared to do and it hurt the last time he tried to fuck my throat raw back at the hotel. But now it was all I could think about- his veins flowing over my taste buds, his precum dripping onto my tongue ever so slightly, the way the head of his cock teased the roof of my mouth. It drew me into even more desperation especially when he praised me with his sinful voice. That voice took me back to the beginnings of my curiosity about him every time. It shed open the desires that lingered since the summer party where we shared our first kiss. That kiss, so swift yet tantalizing; the way he wanted to discard me and play games made me want him even more.

I felt him add the slightest hint of pressure to the back of my skull, trying to get me to take more of him. That was still impossible for me and I tried to wiggle away from the touch. I pulled his hand away and popped off him, planting kisses up his stomach towards his lips. "Did I say you could stop?" He grunted.

I shook my head. "No, but it was too much. You're so big I can't take it." I was sure my statement would inflate his ego but i was trying anything that would coax him into letting me find my release.

"I'm not done with you. Don't stop until I say so."

He shoved me back down and I was forced to breathe through my nostrils. My hand wrapped around his base and shifted up and down his heated skin, hoping that would satisfy him. I raised my ass higher, knowing how much he loved it. His arm reached down my back and passed my ass to stuff his fingers back into me. I clenched immediately and fucked myself back onto them. My moan vibrated against him and he exhaled softly, cursing under his breath. I purred at the thought of pleasing him so well that he wanted to treat me a bit. He didn't move his hand much, preferring for me to do all the work but it was enough for me to feel surmounting pleasure. I slipped my mouth down to kiss and lick at his balls, rubbing the head of his cock and smearing his pre cum over it. I looked up at him as I switched to licking up the prominent vein.

He smirked. “You want it bad don’t you? You look different, acting different. What gives?”

“I just want you. Please.” I begged.

“Fuck, i like this side of you.” He hooked his hands under my arms and lifted me in one fell swoop, pressing me against the wall this time. He hiked my legs up so my knees could rest on his shoulders, quite literally folding me in half until at least I felt him plunge his hips against me. I couldn't help the way i screamed out curses as the hardness of him and the wall crushed my hips between them. One hand was pressed above me while the other had a death grip on my neck again. Each brutal thrust was accompanied by a rough grunt or growl which drove me to claw at his back and reach for a kiss. I was denied though he kept his lips hovering above mine, his breath tickling the tender skin.

"I wanna cum for you." I said pathetically.

"You can wait. Not in the mood to satisfy your whines."

God this asshole was fucking perfect right now. This was what I had always wanted; for him to crush me, to make me feel small, to mark me as his own, and I loved every single minute that jealousy bought out the animal in him. I squeezed my eyes shut as i could feel my hips bruising and almost splitting apart. My body trembled I tried with all my might to keep up with the position that was destined to destroy me. My heels dug between his shoulder blades as he slammed into the deepest part of me. The little shocks of pain flowed through my lower stomach and down my thighs making my endorphins zip through my brain like a pinball. I was going to that dangerously comforting place of wanting to drown in pain and pleasure, getting punished for all my wrongdoings, and feeling every mark and scar left behind by him. It was affecting him too, he was rougher, meaner, hotter, made for the punishment i was willing to take. The pressure on my neck intensified then lowered into a rhythmic dance, making sure that i wouldn’t lose consciousness but instead suffer through every second of my orgasm denial. His thumb caressed my cheek as he looked down at me, boldly. “What a pretty little mess you are.”

I tried to shove against off so my hips could breathe but his strength was too vast. My nails clawed helplessly at his shoulders but he gripped my wrists and slammed them to the wall. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I swallowed hard as my chest heaved with hungry intakes of air. “M-mhm, y-you’re ruining me…” I panted. “I-it’s too much.”

“Yeah? Do you think Quinn would be gentler? Or do you still want to have that threesome? Maybe I should stop altogether?”

I shook my head violently. “N-no...just p-please-”

“Please what?”

“Let me down…” He smiled and gave me a soft kiss, easing me off the wall and settling me on the bed. I curled up and held onto my hips, feeling the tenderness already blistering in my muscles. Johnny kissed at them gently, much to my surprise. His touches were even softer as he tried to soothe me just a bit. I pet his hair back as he smiled up at me, adding another kiss to my stomach.

“You ok?” He whispered into my skin before laying down behind me. I grabbed onto his hand and squeezed our fingers together, nodding as my only response. “Good.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and I smiled into his tenderness until i felt him putting his weight on me again and trapping me between him and the bed this time.

“D-daddy...:” I whimpered.

“You didn’t think I was done with you, did you, princess?” He set himself back on his knees, yanking me up with him. Within a moment’s breath he shoved his way back inside me then pulled my arms behind me, using it as leverage to have me fuck myself back against him. I squeezed my eyes shut and could barely make out any senses. It was overwhelming and violent and erotic in every sense of the words. My head was swimming in a vat of prey filled thoughts, dissolving into the perfect definition of his fuck toy. I kept my head pressed into the mattress as I felt my body starting to crumble. His knees were nudging mine apart, making sure that each time he dove within me I could feel the violation stretching me apart. He knew that the heated friction between us was wedging me deeper into submission but it wasn’t enough to take me over the edge. He lowered his chest flush against my back and pressed his lips to my ear.

“I want you to make a mess for me, just like last time.”

My cheeks flowered with embarrassment as I knew exactly what he meant. I shook my head and hid my face, trying to deny him as if he would actually listen to me. I attempted to even squeeze my thighs shut but he made sure that his much stronger legs prevented that. He let go off my arms which allowed me to reach out and try and steady myself on the small footboard. As he dug three fingers into me, my nails dug into the wood carving out representations of my screams. I could barely clamp around him with how full he made me and I was almost numb to the feeling. He was bombarding me with cocky statements, reminiscent of how much i used to hate him talking when we first met. I wanted him to shut the fuck up but as much as “Cum for Daddy” made me want to projectile vomit, just a teeeeeny part of me enjoyed it.

“If you want me to cum,” I said through grit teeth. “Then let me do it instead of just talking about it, asshole.”

He nudged his fingers in to the hilt, pressing his fingertips into me as his kept up with his thrusts. All I could do was bury my moans into the mattress and try to keep some stability by gripping the footboard. He curled his fingers deeper, forcing the head of his cock upwards when he thrusted. His free hand clamped over my mouth as I screamed beneath his palm at the jarring movement. That last push against my walls fulfilled his wish of seeing my resolve fade away and splash across my bed sheets. His fingers slipped out of me so he could wrap his arm around my waist, knowing that I would collapse instantly. He held me up and placed kisses across my shoulders and down my spine, whispering praises and calling me a good princess. My entire body flushed with fever at those two words. I was a good a princess. I leaned my head back and nuzzled my face into his neck, smiling like the lovestruck idiot that I was. He gave me a swift kiss before planting me on my back and working to chase his own high. I let my legs fall to the wayside as he pumped himself into me, kisses and bites raining down on every inch of skin he could get to.

I guided his face towards my own, crashing our lips together in a storm of passion. He burrowed his fingers in my hair, pulling my ponytail free and crushing me to him. I worked my hands down his back to grab his ass, keeping two firm handfuls to help push him deeper. It spurred him on further, crashing the head of his cock into my cervix as he was hell bent on destroying me. I pressed my lips tightly together, swallowing back every ounce of what I really wanted to scream into the world. His hand fumbled to grab the footboard and when he found his stability the sounds of our bodies collided sounded like thunderclaps in a rainstorm. Harsh. Fast. Angry. Passionate. It was all starting to meld as we flowed together, an ellipse of never ending chaos. I managed to sink my teeth into his shoulder as he squeezed out the last of his feral thrusts. He released himself at the very last possible second and i felt his warmth spread over my stomach and lower lips, a few ropes splashing onto my thighs. He slipped his cock through our mixed cum, riding up along my lips and rubbing the tip against my clit. I shuddered and tried to curl up away from him, thinking that he was trying to torture me some more, but all of his warmth disappeared in an instant. My mind was still all kinds of fuzzy, and my vision blurry, but I could see him pulling away from me and yanking my small trash can towards his face. The sound of vomit came next and I reached out to try and comfort him, at least it felt like I did. My body was so heavy and all i wanted was him near me; i wanted his warmth and love and now that was nearly impossible with him feeling sick. My world was still reeling a bit and i swore I called out to him. He just wiped his mouth and stood up, not looking at me as he left the room. I knew the rationale behind it and I knew that he wouldnt leave me like this for no reason but the current headspace i was in distorted my reality to make me feel like i was something useless and to be thrown away. At the end of the day, when the endorphins and adrenaline wore off, I was still a decaying mess.

Johnny’s POV

I was pretty sure all the weed, alcohol, food and heavy workout made my stomach a complete mess. Everything was fine until after I came and my body started to settle. I was all for covering Eri in kisses and making sure they were okay until the urge to blow chunks slammed into me. The first wave dumped into the trash can thankfully and i had a few moments in between to run to the bathroom to get rid of the rest. I felt like utter shit. Instead of laying down with Eri, i just put on some sweatpants and ignored their pleads for me to cuddle them. Vomiting that much made me feel not so hot and I wasn’t in the mood to be clung to. I was still sweaty and needed some space to breathe for a minute. I told them that I didn’t want to stay in bed and forced them to stay tucked in so they wouldn’t come after me. It wasn’t usual for them to be this clingy and I didn’t have the energy to deal with that right now. I left after their whining got to me and went to the couch. It felt a little better sleeping in the cooler living room though I still couldn’t really get a solid night’s sleep. Hours passed, with me waking up every so often and making a cup of coffee. Jae and Quinn were holed up in their room for most of the day but came out somewhere around mid afternoon. Things were pretty quiet and we started heating up some leftovers. Every so often I would look back at Eri’s bedroom door, expecting them to poke their head out at any moment but nothing. More time passed and once it hit almost evening I was starting to get a bit worried and decided to check on them. I crept into the room quietly and looked at the lump beneath the blankets. “Eri?” I shook them gently but got no reaction. “Eri?” I said a little louder. “You ok?”

Still nothing. If i didn’t see them breathing beneath the fabric I would’ve thought they were dead. I even tried enticing them with promises of leftovers but even that didn’t seem to shake them. I had no idea what else to do and wondered if Quinn knew if this was normal. I went over to my mostly annoying enemy, even though I was still irritated with her and Jae’s antics, and pulled her to Eri’s room. "I need your help!" She didn't have a moment to protest and we left Jae standing in the kitchen in utter confusion. I closed the door behind us tight.

"What the hell do you want? What did you do?" She growled.

"Look, I don't know but I've been up for hours and Eri has barely moved."

"Well…from the way the bed was slamming into the wall I can make a few gross assumptions. I don't really care to hear about what you've done with my best friend's vagina, thank you."

"It's not just that! They haven't moved or woken up for anything! It's like they're comatose."

"Johnny, if you hurt them again you're going to have to breathe through a straw for the rest of your life. What did you do?"

"I don't know!" I said, exasperated. "If I knew would you think I would voluntarily talk to a fucking gremlin like you?"

She narrowed her eyes and shoved me out of the way. "Yeah and I wouldn't have voluntarily talked to a stupid ogre." She went to Eri's side and moved their disheveled ponytail out of the way. "Are you some sort of fucking vampire?! What the hell are you doing leaving a hickey this big?! Did you want to rip their throat out?!"

"I was caught up in the moment, ok?! That's not the point right now. Why won't they move?"

"You know, I should just become a nurse at the rate you're literally causing destruction to Eri's mental and physical wellness."

"Quinn!"

She shook Eri gently and tried rolling them over but it was still no use. "Maybe they just need to drink some water? With all the food they ate the alcohol shouldn't have taken them out too much. They weren't drunk when you dragged them in here to fuck like a disgusting caveman. We were up late yesterday so maybe they're just tired still?"

"No, it doesn't feel like just tiredness to me. Something's up." I sighed. "I just don't know what. That's why I'm worried."

"Well they were fine before you decided to be gross so clearly it's something you did. What was out of the ordinary? Not that I really want to hear it but, go ahead."

"Wait...like tell you what we did?" I blinked at her in disbelief. "Like...in detail?"

"Spare me as much fucking detail. Give me the gist of it."

I cleared my throat and shuffled my weight on either foot. "I mean… um…I…" I lowered my voice a bit, struck with a tsunami of embarrassment. "S-spanking, choking, fingering, they sucked me off...uh then we you know like... put the thing in the thing…a lot."

Quinn ran her hand over her face and sighed deeply. "Put the thing in the thing...Jesus Christ. Ok, but anything special about it?"

"No it was like against the wall, doggy style, usual stuff."

"Was it like...extra kinky?" She cringed.

I shrugged. "I mean...to me it felt like it was. I don't know about Eri. You know they're more experienced at that stuff than I am. They probably thought it was like normal sex. Though at the end I got sick and they got really clingy?? That was a bit weird, I guess."

"Clingy? How clingy?"

"Like they wanted to hug and cuddle and wouldn't let me go. I was tired and sweaty and just finished puking so I just kinda...pushed them away and went to the living room to sleep."

"So let me get this straight, you spank, choke, and bite the shit out of my best friend then you cum and push them away when they wanted to cuddle?"

I winced. "You make it sound really worse than I wanted it to."

"WELL GEE JOHNNY, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE IT IS! God, why are you such a fucking tool!? You were super gross and jealous the entirety of the party and now you've gone and made Eri feel like shit. That's probably why they don't want to be around you or wake up! If you were still next to me when I woke up after being that much of a dick I'd pretend to be in a coma too!"

"Oh don't give me that bullshit! I was sick, okay! I didn’t want to have them on top of me. I was sweating and-"

"You could’ve at least been a little bit more sensitive to the situation!”

"I came to you for help! Not for you to- SHIT!" I jumped back as I saw something whizz by in front of my face. It crashed against the wall and I realized it was a candle, the glass now shattered and chunks of wax between Quinn and I's feet. We both turned to look at Eri who looked like Satan himself had risen to wreak havoc on the earth.

"SHUT. UP." Was all they yelled before pulling the covers over their head and flopping back down onto the bed.

I stepped back slowly from the glass and beckoned Quinn to cross over. They tiptoed over the pieces and joined me. "Ok, so...yeah something might be off. They just got their meds changed so mayyyybeee that’s it? Though it’s still normal for them to be that violent. I mean, what else is new. But they’ve never thrown anything at me butttt interrupting their sleep is big bad..." She jumped up suddenly within her tirade of thoughts. "Oh!oh!oh! Maybe it's that thing!"

"Yes, because that's helpful." I rolled my eyes. "What thing?

"The um...ugh it's a kinky thing and I can't remember what it's called!"

"Their seething rage is a kink thing? It's not sexy! It's scary!"

"Noooo! Not the anger! The not feeling so good part. I know it's a thing I just can't remember. Ugh, we’re gonna have to ask Yuta or Ten." They said.

"I'm pretty sure Eri wouldn't want the two people that hurt them anywhere near them right now and neither would I. Besides, I think they're in Thailand for the holidays."

"Fuck. I don't want their help either but they're the only people beside Eri that know about kink stuff. If something happened that they can help with then we need them."

"Why do you keep saying it's like a kink thing. I don't get it??"

“I don’t know how to explain it! Eri told me about it once because it happened with them and Ten and it scared them. I'm gonna call Yuta real quick, see if he answers."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, whatever. Go do that. I don't want to even hear him." Quinn exited the room and I went over to Eri tentatively. "Hey, how about we don't throw candles and instead talk like a human being."

"How about we don't act like assholes and desert people." They kept the blanket over their head and hunkered down even more.

"Desert? What are you talking about? I didn't desert you. Eri?" They stayed quiet leaving me even more confused. "Uh, can you talk to me??"

"I don't want to fucking talk. Leave me alone."

"Ok but like I kinda need to know why you think I deserted you??? Like what the fuck, dude."

"It's the droppy thing!" Quinn said, shoving the door open again. I whipped my head towards her, getting absolutely nowhere between the two of them. She beckoned me towards her and I left Eri to sulk or do whatever the fuck it was that they were doing. We shut the door softly and I could see a sleepy Yuta on Quinn's screen. "Can you explain it to Johnny?"

Yuta rubbed his eyes and yawned. "I fucking guess. I'll make it simple- chemicals in your brain get released like crazy, pain responders, adrenaline, stuff like that. When the whole thing is over those chemicals are worn out and you have to rebuild them in your system. Which means if something happens too fast, the body struggles to rebuild them on such a high demand. It can take up to a few hours, days, or weeks depending on the person." He yawned. "So anyway, you get physical symptoms like excessive tiredness, heightened pain, etcetera and you also get your emotions thrown out of whack, so more sad, depressed, angry, feeling unloved. All that. Can I sleep now?"

"No, no, no! What do I do? How do I fix it?!" I grabbed Quinn's phone, shaking it as if Yuta could feel my annoyance.

"Well, first of all, stop trying to be something you're not. You're not a Dom if you're not gonna learn about the shit surrounding it. Two, you literally have to take care of her. Act like the loving, sweet, caring, devoted boyfriend she deserves but will never have. Can I go to sleep now?" He repeated.

"Yeah, fine! Asshole!" I gave Quinn back her phone and crossed my arms over my chest angrily. What the fuck did he mean by that? I could be caring if I wanted to...I think I'm a decent guy… wait. Feeling unloved? Was that what Eri meant when they said I deserted them? I was vomiting! I'm sure that vomiting doesn't count as deserting someone!

"So, guess you have to clean up your mess." Quinn snipped.

"I just don't get how me being sick makes this my fault."

"Maybe it was more so of not being by their side when they wanted you to be. You said they were getting clingy?"

"Yeah, and I was sweating and gross and...this is why I don't do relationships. I don't do clingy." I said bitterly.

"Good thing you're not dating Eri either because I would hate for her to be with someone so heartless. Fix your fucking mess, Johnny."

"I don't even know what to do!"

"Figure it out then and fast."

I rolled my eyes and wanted to slam my head into the wall. Great. Just great. I tiptoed back into the room, hoping that another candle wouldn't come flying out. Eri was sitting up now, looking grumpier than ever. I cleared my throat and almost took a step back when their eyes snapped up to meet mine. "H-h-heyyy…..cutie.” I tried to sound as “loving” as possibly given my state of fear. “H-how ya feeling?”

They didn’t answer.

“You wanna uh ...cuddle? Or something?”

They still ignored me, instead opting to try and get out of bed. They gripped onto the headboard post for support and grunted through the process and I realized they were in more pain than I thought. I rushed over and held onto their waist. “Hey, babe, take it easy. You’re hurt?”

“Of course I’m hurt.” They said finally. “You have a vendetta against my cervix. My hips too, apparently.”

I looked at the deep brown bruises on the sides of their hips and winced. Good job, idiot. “I’m sorry. I thought it was really hot at the time and we were enjoying it and-”

“Just shut up. I’m going to shower.” They limped over to grab their towel from the hook on the back of the door but I stayed on their tail, making sure that they weren’t going to collapse.

“What if I make you a bubble bath? That might be better for your muscles. I can try and do that.”

They sighed and nodded after a moment’s pause. “Fine. That sounds good.”

“Ok...ok, cool. Come on.” I set my arm around them and guided them towards the bathroom, trying to sneak out without Quinn and Jae really noticing. I’m sure it failed but i had more important things on my mind. I sat Eri down on the toilet while I got to work on filling the tub and dumping in all the great things they had used for my bubble bath. When it was finally ready they retied their hair and I helped them sink down slowly into the sea of bubbles. I sat with my back against the tub, arms propped on my knees and completely silent as they soaked. It was tense and a bit awkward but if this helped them not feel like crap because of whatever head chemical thingies that were going on then I would wait.

“I’m sorry…”

I turned to face them, puzzled by their sudden apology. “For?”

“I should’ve told you about the subdrop thing. The, um,...you know the reason why I’m probably feeling crappy. It’s only happened like once before so I didn’t really register it. I just wanted to sleep all day.”

“Yeah, Quinn called Yuta to have him explain. They suspected that might have been it. Though I'm still not 100% sure was it actually is.”

“It’s really my fault. We aren’t really in that kind of relationship. We were just having a rough fuck you know? It really shouldn’t have hit me that hard. I’m also sorry I threw the candle.”

I leaned my head back and looked at them. “Definitely could have done without that, for sure.”

They set their arms on the edge of the tub and kissed me. “I know...my head’s still weird...Maybe we should cool it on the jealousy thing a bit?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not jealous.” I lied.

“Johnny...you have a problem with jealousy and I don’t really understand it. Why are you jealous of everyone else I’m with?”

“I’m not! It just pissed me off! It’s not jealousy when you’re literally mid makeout sesh and your gir- your like...makeout person or whatever decides to just kiss someone else and try and get wrapped in a foursome!”

“Then why did you mention Taeyong?”

“What?” I asked.

“Taeyong. When you were about to shove your fingers in my mouth. You said that you should get Taeyong to see me like that and that I settled for less with him.”

Oh. Right. “I don’t remember.” I averted my eyes and shrugged.

“Well you said that so...that’s why i’m saying cool it with the jealousy when there's nothing to be jealous of, you know?”

“Again, i’m not jealous. Maybe you should cool it with being an asshole and just dumping me to go mess around with someone else.”

I felt their arms around me then, droplets of water pressed between my back and their chest as they held onto me. “Ok, I’ll promise I’ll try. I know it wasn’t really right of me to go off with Josue and Quinn and I are always just messing around. You know they like Jae a lot. It’s just for fun but i’ll try and be a good princess for you.” They sighed. “No...wait. We shouldn’t actually do the daddy thing either if it’s just going to get us into more trouble than it’s worth.”

“Eri, you both know we like it, no matter how cringy it can get. It takes our fucking to the next level. So why don't you also stop thinking that I don’t want to learn anything and just teach me how to be your top controller person. We can do it on a basic level, no?”

“Dom, Johnny. Dom. Not top controller.” They giggled.

“What the fuck ever. That.” I took their hand and pressed it to my lips. “You know I didn’t mean to desert you or anything. I felt really sick after I came. I think all the movement and the food and drugs and shit just caught up to me and i puked a lot. I wasn’t feeling too great and got really hot and sweaty. It’s not that I didn’t want to be by you or be in bed with you, it was just that I physically couldn’t be. I felt like shit. Still kind of do. I haven't eaten much today either.”

“I know…" They sighed and nudged their chin to rest on my shoulder. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Heard you puking before I started to fall asleep but I was already spacey. But I will say this…"

"What?" I reached my arm back to scratch at their head gently.

"Though I'm in pain and feel like shit, if you fuck me like that again, you better make me yours." Just as my cheeks flared up they grabbed a hold of my arms and tried to drag me into the tub.

"Ahh! Fuck! Eri!" I managed to get my ass up on the edge of the tub and kick off my sweats before crashing into the water with them. Water went splashing everywhere and they got dunked beneath me. I helped them up and they wiped the suds off their face, sending us both into a fit of laughter. "You're so dumb, I swear."

"You're even worse." They wrapped their limbs around me, keeping me flush against them. "Do you feel better?"

"I will once you do. I don't want you to feel like shit because of me."

"I'll get there." They said and gave me another kissed. "It just takes a bit to shake off. I'll be okay."

"You better. Asshole." I chuckled and cupped her face in my hand. "And you better eat when we get out."

They rolled their eyes and sighed. "Yes, daddy."

"Don't be such a shit, I mean it, ok?" I said sternly.

"I know. You can heat it up for me while I stay in bed all cozy under the blankets. And you can bring me something to drink to."

I glared at them. "Excuse me. What am I, your maid?"

"No, but you can be a nice daddy and do that for me. Since you want to learn so much."

I sighed and set my head on their chest, avoiding that shit eating grin. What the fuck did I get myself into?

We stayed in the tub for a bit, getting way too caught up in making out ad grinding though I should have been letting them rest. I really needed to stop thinking with my dick all the time and actually focus on being good for them. I managed to stop before they tried to ride me and distract me with possibly hours of more fucking. Somehow it was easier to get them to listen this time and i helped us both out the tub and got them wrapped in their towel. I had to clean up the mess and dry the tiles before anyone would slip on them. Our clothes got soaked with the splash which was another thing i had to tend to. “Hey, go to the room. I gotta clean this shit up before Quinn chews me out.”

They shuffled a bit anxiously and looked up at me with a puppy dog stare, their sudden soft center of duality most likely the leftover results from this drop thing. “I promise I’ll be back as soon as I’m done okay?” I kissed their forehead and curled my finger around a now springy curl of hair.

“Ok, ok. Just...hurry up.” they said softly.

I nodded and urged them out of the room, hoping that they would be able to sit still for a minute. I found a spare towel to wrap around my waist and unplugged the drain in the tub. I went out to the kitchen after, getting Quinn to find the mop for me so could start drying the floor. As I was passing by Eri’s room again, I heard them talking. I poked my head in and listened, realizing they were on the phone.

“No, no, no. You ca’t have New Years Resurrection with out a little Halloween fun! We have to do IT is the End! That’s my favorite and you know it.” They paused. “Ok, but what about Stabbing in the Dark? Ugh, Andre! Come on. Let me pick something! We already came to a consensus on Closer, Porn Star Dancing, I’m not Okay, and Party Hard for the finale. We only have a half hour set and we’re closing out the show. It has to be good!”

Wait, where they playing a show soon? Why didn’t they tell me anything?

“Ok, fine you pick two songs that you can lead on and I’ll do the two Ice Nine Kills song and then we’ll be gucci. Or maybe I’ll do some Motionless... THE POINT IS i will talk to you tomorrow at practice and then we’ll finalize everything. I’m not feeling so hot right now and I need to eat....no i’m not with my boyfriend...He is not my boyfriend, okay? Andre i swear to god.”

I stepped into the room, trying to be quiet but they noticed me instantly. “Anyway gotta go. Tell your mama to save me some cornbread. Okay bye.” They hung up quickly and tossed their phone onto the bed. “Hey.”

“Uh...hey. Who were you talking to ?” I asked.

“Oh, that...uh...Andre. Um...he’s in my band. Our band. It’s our band together.”

“You guys playing a show soon?”

Eri’s eyes went wide and they immediately dodged my attention. “A what? Oh noooo, heh, nope. Just...a...”

“What’s New Years Resurrection?”

“Nothing! It’s totally nothing!”

“Why are you being so secretive?” I stepped a bit closer to them, leaving the mop in the doorway.

“Me? I’m not being secretive! It’s nothing I swear!”

“Then why did it sound like you were trying to make a setlist for a show that you’re closing out, presumably on New Years Eve, hmm?? You know closing out a show is like a big deal, right?” I nudged their arm playfully. “So you mind telling me why you haven’t told me about this before?”

They pouted. “I’m not telling you anything. Now or never. There’s no show. So stop being so nosey okay?”

“Eri, is there a reason you don’t want me to go?”

“No one is going! Just hush!”

“Eriiiiiiiiii.” I taunted. “I’m going to your show.”

“NOOOOOOO! Johnny, you don’t understand! I never invite people to come see me!”

“Why not?”

“Because!” They squeaked. “I get way too nervous and embarrassed and I act totally different on stage than i do normally and i’ll just freak out the whole time, ok?!”

“I actually want to see you play. You know I do.” I set my arm around their shoulder and pulled them to my chest. “Besides, it cant be that bad, can it?”

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