#shes a friend of a friend that i dont really talk to anymore but we wrre in a group chat together
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mamayura · 1 day ago
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Okay but what's crazy is that the episode does subtly reveal that Adrien did keep it a secret from Marinette that he's more than silent jogging buddies with Sublime
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In the beginning, Marinette says that when she asked Adrien if he and Sublime talk when they go running he always says "no". This is factually correct as we find out in the end through Sublime:
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But there is obviously something not adding up here. Sublime literally says "Outside of running, of course Adrien and I talk". They just arent talking in any of their morning runs because Sublime in particular is doing it as serious training. So no talking because that would impact their breathing, but outside of that? Well, yeah, duh.
And that makes sense
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Adrien and Sublime are in the same ancient Greek class, of course they would talk. I'm gonna go with the assumption that this is why Sublime started running by his side, because they vaguely knew each other from Greek class and when they crossed each others running paths one morning they were familiar enough to just run together in silence
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Look, I- I dont know how to put this more elegantly, so I'll rip off the bandaid. The vibes I'm getting from this episode are that Adrien was more than cool with not talking anyway because he deliberately keep his friendship with Sublime a secret from Marinette because he knew Marinette would be weird about it and that made him uncomfortable.
He knows his girlfriend and she's peanut-butter-and-jealous.
And the thing is, as much as this certainly is a complicated topic with a lot of factors to consider for both sides, the way the episode had Marinette go about all this...
... the episode proved him RIGHT. He was right to be too uncomfortable with letting Marinette know about being friends with Sublime. She merely found out that they were running together in silence and proceeded to not only keep watching them each morning and taking photos, Marinette even proceeded to stalk the hell out Sublime:
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No, this isnt normal. This isnt a "quirky girlfriend" thing to do, or "funny haha". Its one of the reason why Adrien didnt feel comfortable letting her know.
And, I mean, yeah. I can't blame him for it, can I? :I
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Later on, Sublime is very quick to piece together that the girl hiding behind them is Adrien's girlfriend. Not the thing I would immediately go with, unless of course Adrien did already vaguely mention having a girlfriend to Sublime at one point. Then yes, her coming to this conclusion after Marinette followed her all day makes a lot more sense. Even if those are not.. nice implications. The episode does go on playing it straight at first that Marinette is the weird and a bit alarming girlfriend.
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Look, you can pretty this up if you like, but for me, Adrien is clearly a solid bit uncomfortable and very apologetic here to Sublime because of Marinette's behavior. Sublime too is being nice about it to a degree you shouldnt take for granted. She would have had been perfectly justified in saying something else entirely. Adrien is trying to be a good boyfriend about this, but Marinette is out here proving him right in having struggled with wanting her to know about Sublime. Marinette has been following her around all day, Sublime noticed, and Adrien is doing good faith damage control here by telling Sublime that Marinette has good intentions and only wants to be her friend.
Something, though, that the episode clarified 3 times wasnt really the case:
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It is so weird that at the core of the problem for both sides of Adrinette WAS Marinette being peanut-butter-and-jealous.
Marinette did NOT try to befriend Sublime out of some pure-hearted desire to know her. She did so because she feared that Adrien could end up not loving her anymore if she doesnt gain some control over the Sublime situation real quick
And Adrien DID keep his friendship with Sublime a secret from Marinette because, well, was he wrong?
And thats the thing. The episode just DROPS this in favor of saying that Marinette only had these pure-hearted intentions to know her when that isnt true. The episode proved Adrien alarmingly RIGHT in his gut feeling to keep Sublime a secret from Marinette, they just-
They just didnt let him know about any of it as if that makes it any less true. I would understand it if this episode had been entirely about tackling this issue for good. Adrien not being wrong for feeling uncomfortable with letting Marinette know about any new female friends and then Adrien gets proven right, but the situation is saved by Marinette's secondary desire of befriending Sublime.
Sure, not the plot of my choice, but I would GET IT because it would actually cover the given problem. Here it is... they didnt do it. Adrien was proven right, Marinette did everything wrong to Sublime that was possible and ended up breaking her prosthetic and ruined the sponsorship with a combo of Marinette's and Ladybug's harmful inconsideration.
Marinette did exactly what Adrien was afraid of... and they just DON'T resolve the initial Adrinette core of this issue. It's still ongoing. Marinette didnt even get to react in the end to finding out that Adrien did keep her in the dark about talking to Sublime:
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I guess for now the explanation for that will be that Adrinette switched positions in this for once and now it's Marinette who isnt questioning it enough that Adrien only said the truth to her going by the technicality of "She only ask him if they talk while running".
Obviously, this is not how it works. He kept her in the dark. And whether he was right to doing so or not isnt important for the feeling I'm getting that this is just the beginning of a streak of similar problems like this. The postponed resolution to this will happen at a later point, and knowing Miraculous, they'll do it after it escalates to hell.
We already saw it in "Illustrhater" and the synopsis for "Werepapas" for example also sounds like Marinette will not stop here being a questionable girlfriend
I just dont understand why they would keep on DOING that?
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fearforthestorm · 9 months ago
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the thing they don't tell you about being raised in a high-demand religion is that everyone who you grew up with at some point will either have a faithbreak or they will continue to stay. and both of those are kind of the hardest thing ever to watch someone you cared about go through.
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huellitaa · 9 months ago
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chat is this flirting am i being flirted with
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xxplastic-cubexx · 1 month ago
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Magneto would love lumpia meanwhile Charles would have his Bibingka and Puto Bungbong hehe
Happy Holidays!
asks that remind me my bitchass friend kayla promised to make me *puto two years ago and she still hasnt
*puto is a filipino rice cake i do know it also means 'bitch' in spanish we do not have to address that thank you
#snap chats#'snap is the disclaimer necessary' every single time i mention 'puto' i get people clutching their pearls yes it is necessary vjAVKJ#LIKE I GET IT. CAN WE TALK ABOUT RICE CAKES NOW im hungry ...#kayla always gets beef from me but esp with puto and i only mention this when it was promised two years ago#cause SHE will always bring it up like 'oh yeah i still have to make you puto' bitch just forget it ive made it three times since then 😭#PUTO ISNT EVEN HARD TO MAKE LEGITIMATELY YOU JUST MAKE THE BATTER AND PUT IT IN THE SHIT AND STEAM IT#add a slice of cheddar on top if youre feeling especially nasty .... its so good .... anyway ..... rice cake ... i love it ...#i havent had bibingka in so long tho im PISSED. you know what else is really good tho cassava cake .. thats not rice but. lol#i never get to have filipino food on account of my mom hating cooking anything that isnt tiramisu knock offs#she really doesnt make filipino food she hasnt for years. my dad always does tho ..... whatever ....#i could always cook it myself of course. yeah... im lazy ill admit it you got me 😔#oh my god no you know whats great for the winter tinola I LOVE. chicken tinola so much#funny enough i learned how to make it when i was in the hospital from a filipino girl 🥰 we did not speak anymore after that interaction.#Also funny my fam and i were just talking about getting lumpia for christmas since theres like one (1) filipino place vaguely near us#'you guys dont make it??' on account of the fact im too lazy to make wrappers and no store near us sells any no <3#i did make lumpia myself once tho when we Did have wrappers after drivign out an hour to an asian market once#not to brag but they were pretty delicious ..... anyway ..#oh my god fuck me theres this like. speaking of rice cakes again JALKJKALJ theres this one with this delicious coconut sauce#BIKO IT'S BIKO its literally glutinous rice steamed in banana leaf with latik. UGH SOOO yummy ..... i dont have banana leaves anymore tho :#OH YOU KNOW WHATS ALSO GOOD FOR THE HOLIDAY lechon. that was my fave part bout goin to my dad's christmas parties#they had this big ass pig and i loved the ear .... crunchy as hell and so good 🤤 i havent had it in at least a decade tho..#now im hungry. and homesick. 'homesick for yoru dad?' homesick for my dad <- literally just saw him#well i get to see him again thursday :) goin to the doctor... gonna get my medicine again life is gonna be SO good !!!!!!#i have rambled far too long . happy holidays my friends !!!! do try to make puto this season ... very simple and very tasty .......
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good-beanswrites · 1 year ago
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I can't stop thinking of Kyanako's Order of Attack au... there's something so moving to me about how things getting so much worse could be what finally causes Amane to get better -- seeing Fuuta dying may be the final straw of getting her to rethink her rejection of medicine. Been a while since I've attempted something whump-y, this was fun to work with.
Tw for mentions/contemplation of death. I don't go into detail about the cult but the doctrines are implied through it all.
Fuuta was not a big fan of dying.
When he imagined his own death, he always pictured it as something dramatic and fast. Action heroes going out in a show of explosions and gunfire. Fantasy characters meeting the shining end of a blade. Even when he accepted his place in Milgram, it filled his mind with images of gallows and electric chairs. 
Whatever this slow, lengthy fever was, it was pissing him off. 
He’d lost all sense of time. He could no longer tell which hour the prison bells were marking -- morning and night blended together. Dreaming and waking blended together. His head injury and broken leg and broken bones blended together. It was all just pain at the end of the day. He had nonstop visitors that kept him awake and asked him too many questions and prodded his injuries and made his head spin. Somehow, he was simultaneously alone every time he rolled over to talk to someone. Painfully, suffocatingly alone. 
If Kotoko was going to kill him with those ridiculous emo boots of hers, she should have just done it. He was losing his mind here: devoid of all energy, suffering through broken bones and a cracked head, and boiling in an increasingly fiery fever. Maybe that was the reason he stopped commenting when he watched Amane pocket the medicine Shidou had left him. Maybe that was why he’d stopped following Shidou’s instructions himself. Even after losing an eye and taking a beating herself, Amane always looked at peace. He was tired of dealing with all of this. He wanted a bit of that peace.
Regardless of why, it was working. His fever had quickly gone from the biggest pain in his ass to the very thing that dulled his racing thoughts. 
He awoke suddenly, or maybe he’d already been awake. He couldn’t feel anything in his limbs. There was only a breathless heat around him. He raised himself into a sitting position, looking for a drink. Moving his head felt like one of those glitching computer windows that leaves a trail of copies behind it. The room swam around him. His eyes moved absently around him.
Fuuta picked up the glass that someone had left him. His fingers were clumsy, and it immediately went crashing to the ground. He hardly heard the noise as it broke apart on the concrete below. 
He swung his legs over the side of the bed. He’d just go get a drink himself. Shidou told him not to get up without help. But what did he know? Thinking of the man ordering him around only drove Fuuta to step out of bed even quicker. He cried out, pain shooting through his leg. That was right, it was broken… 
Fuuta looked down, finding himself on the ground. It was so hot. Maybe this is what she felt, he thought numbly. Was it this slow for her too? Probably not. She had no regrets to fill the time like he did. The heroes got quick, beautiful deaths, and it was the villains who had to suffer the long ones. 
He lifted his right palm from where it had caught his fall. The shattered glass on the floor had cut into it. Shattered glass? What had broken? He stared blankly at the blood dripping down. 
He didn’t have the strength to raise himself up. He was burning. Why was he on the ground? Was he bleeding? He could barely breathe. What was he doing here, anyway? He just wanted to curl up and sleep. He was so weak... just to lie down... he wouldn't have the strength to get back up again. Was that such a bad thing...?
A voice caught his attention. His eyes struggled to focus on the figure who’d come running into the cell. He couldn’t understand a word of what she was saying, but he was happy when she pressed her cool little hands against his forehead. 
He allowed her to prop him up next to the bed. She held onto his hand, squeezing it tight. Why was she holding it like that? That hand was bleeding. When did that happen?
Her arms wrapped tightly around him. He wanted to shove her away -- it was too hot -- but couldn’t. In his ear, he could make out her words. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, Fuuta. Don’t leave me alone. I’m so sorry...”
As she pulled back, he recognized Amane. Her uninjured eye was filled with tears. Was she upset? He thought he’d been making her happy. He wanted to keep making her happy. He’d never made anyone happy before. 
He opened his mouth to say something, but no words would come out. They all scrambled up in his mouth. He felt the cell swirling around him.
Amane raised her voice. She looked desperately upwards. “This can’t be --! This isn’t right!” 
Fuuta looked up at the ceiling. There was nothing there. 
“I can’t do this anymore.”
She continued talking. Fuuta was too busy studying the ceiling. She was shouting. Or maybe crying. Fuuta didn’t like that she was so upset. Huh, had there been someone there? He surveyed the empty cell. What was he doing on the ground?
He looked down at his hand. The sheet from his bed had been pulled down and wrapped hastily around it. Why? His eyes felt sticky as he blinked. Everything hurt. It was so hot. What was going on? He was so angry. He was so scared. He wanted to cry. Why was he here? Why couldn’t he just hurry up and die already?
The next time she entered, Fuuta recognized Amane instantly. Her one hand pointed to him, the other held onto someone else. The second figure hurried over to him. 
Fuuta was not a big fan of dying. Shidou reassured him he wouldn’t.
“You’re wearing the eyepatch,” Fuuta observed. 
He was playing a dangerous game, drawing attention to it like that. He was too exhausted, and his curiosity won out over his better judgment. If Amane was going to explode with one of her typical speeches, he’d just let her.
She didn’t. 
Amane’s hand drifted up to her eye. It had been hastily covered before, but now it was cleaned and wrapped in professional-grade materials. She simply said,  “Kajiyama Fuuta. How do you feel?”
“Like shit.”
“But--”
“-- But I’m better, yeah.”
Amane nodded, her shoulders releasing. 
“Oi, I haven’t seen you in a while. Not since…” He wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence. Shidou had told him what happened, but it was difficult to believe. He couldn’t quite trust his own memory of the night. No matter how much clearer his mind felt since receiving proper treatment, those days of fever still muddled together. He heard that Amane had up and switched her beliefs overnight -- she was now complacent about all of Shidou's treatments -- but Fuuta knew people didn't just change like that. He wanted to hear it for himself.
She lowered her gaze in shame. “I… I thought you hated me.” Her voice was steady. “As you should. I almost killed you. I accept any ill will you may feel.”
“I -- what? You’re wrong. You… it wasn’t…” He grabbed his head, grunting in frustration.
After standing awkwardly in the entryway the whole time, Amane took a few steps inside. She made it to his bedside when he finally collected his thoughts. 
“It was your fucked up family or whatever that caused everything. They did this. And I went along and made things worse.” He looked away. His next words felt stupid to say to a little kid. He felt like the most pathetic, weak, loser. But it was too important not to say.
“They almost killed me. You saved me.”
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widevibratobitch · 8 months ago
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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lazaruspiss · 4 days ago
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i am. tired. u may have noticed that i am... "American" n what not.
I dont have the mental stability to keep up w all the... everything. but news of so and so trying to take citizenship from ppl born here whose parents came here Illegally (unconstitutional, not feasible, most likely just a scare tactic) made its way to me. and 2 things.
1) "we're gonna stop illegal immigration by retroactively making more people into illegal immigrants" ...very cool guys. very smart.
2) im like. 2nd gen i think? my mom was born here but her bio dad was not lol. hope my bio gramps doing ok wherever he is. never met the guy and tbh he sounds like a dick from what lil i know of him, but no one deserves. yknow. the. well i dont think theyre called camps but i cant remember the word. detention center or smth? im tired lol
#ramble tag#every day i get closer and closer to 'what if we snuck into mexico. switch it up reverse it.'#joking ofc#dont think thatd actually go well for us#everything is so surreal. like im at the point where the idea of getting deported makes me laugh more than anything#im too exhausted to be upset anymore#every since his campaign fuckin started man. i was in middle school.#i was in middle school and terrified of the line i felt i had to walk between white and not white enough#i might vent about race stuff if i cant stop thinking about it. bc god i dont wanna just soak in it. need it out of my head#im white im white im white!! but not as white as my classmates. sitting at lunch. our hands next to each other. stark.#highschool with immigrants and mexicans talked about like animals. this hurts me. but im told to shut up.#bc im not mexican enough to be allowed to do anything#i live in one of those 'you get one maybe two black students in a year' kinda towns if that explains anything#i had a kid who kept calling me the n word. he dated one of my friends. she didnt leave him until he cheated on her.#now that i think about it she hadnt talked to me in forever when she went to me after her breakup#jeez. highschool sucked ass.#ignore me im just... ugh. i have this identity crisis every once in a while dw#i think i even made a post about it before lol#smth about cultural disconnect and how that was a way that dicks romani backstory was smth i could connect to#something revealed to you that affects you but you exist in this limbo of if you can really claim it or not#like the world needs more stories that touch on race etc etc but i just mean that dicks story can fall into this sorta#white passing identity crisis thing. i find it comforting#dunno. my brain is soup
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microwavestim · 10 days ago
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what's the word for a best friend but like the kind that drains all your energy if you have to interact with them
#just got off the phone w my bsf of 5+ years and its like#you get me like no one else but idek who u are anymore and this relationship doesnt really serve me anymore#but thats not a reason to throw out 5+ years of just getting each other and that special connection we have#idk#phone call totally drained me and now im laying here upset like she said smth to me otp to hurt my feelings#she said smth to me the other day that triggered my ed#she thinks shes the only one with issues like im glad you can joke about your eating disorder but like bear in mind that i ALSO have one!#which you know about because it was something we bonded over when we met#and you dont know how my eating disorder is going because you dont listen when i talk. so i have stopped talking.#but it isnt going great! and when you brag about how skinny you are because of this or that#and complain about how you genuinely hate people who “lack the self control to be anorexic”#that harms me mentally#and you dont care because you arent joking#i recently got my christmas gift from her#which took a while to get me because she ordered it on christmas eve. and then kept forgetting to give it to me once it arrived#but she literally used the gift that she bought me and told me when she gave it to me like huh !!!#and i wasnt even upset about this when she told me because if she had asked i would have let her#but i told my mom and sister and they were soooo mad. and then i was like wait maybe thats weird#like i can understand that what she did was socially unacceptable but i didnt mind because it was her yk like thats my bsf. but now im upse#AND THE OTHER DAY i told her i dont read much fanfiction and she was like#well thats because you arent autistic so u dont know what its-#-like to be consumed by an interest/hyperfixation and have to consume every form of media associated with it#like YES I DO !!! all of my friends autistic or not think im autistic except for her#its this weird dynamic in her head where im the token neurotypical to her token autistic like idk if she just likes being the only autistic#but i feel like im so clearly autistic because idk how to mask. not that im trying to make this a “whos more autistic” contest but like#i think she likes being the manic pixie autistic chick and its so weird but im not diagnosed so im not gonna go to bat on that one w her#whenever i tell my roommate about things my bsf does my roommate is always like “im scared of her” or “real friends dont act like that”#and its always a reality check because i dont think twice when she treats me like that#but the people in my life are starting to hate her lowkey....#my mom was deadass like wow i dont think shes a good friend
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lilac-melody · 12 days ago
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Wondering if I should make a little oneshot about first kisses...
#aiyuu ofc. Bc what else#anyway uh. I was just thinking abt it . Not rly sure why. But.#i had my first kiss a few days after my 21st bday#w my friend. Who is a girl#my first and only kiss was w another woman#it was really awkward that night. She dropped me off after a few days of fun#a few weeks before that she had drunk texted me saying she wouldnt mind kissing me so i could have the experience#and we discussed it that day. And we agreed to do it before we separated n she went back to her hometown#i was at such a loss on what to do lmao#we were in her car shifting towards each other and i swear i never felt so awkward or dumb before#and when it happened. I know i moved my lips but like . Not much? She did the work p much#in my defense i had no idea HOW to kiss (i still dont really...)#and i remember afterwards i was just. Super overwhelmed.#and rapidly trying to wipe my lips bc my mom came out to greet me when i went inside the house#bc her lipstick got on my lips#oh man i was so scared that she would realize LMFAOAOIFSO#it felt like my mind was racing but with absolutely nothing#i was just focused on how my lips felt like they were buzzing#hmmggg... idek why i keep thinking abt it now#me and her dont rly talk anymore. We're both too busy and live in different states now#idk. Maybe im subconsciously wishing to find a gf again and get more experience. I really dont know anymore#that was such an awkward night tho i cant help but laugh recalling it#anyway uh. Ive never really told this story to anyone oops#it never gets brought up in convos and jfjfkrkdkfm#i felt like i needed to get it off my chest
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mainfaggot · 1 month ago
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how do you cut someone off
#like without drifting apart gradually bc tbh i dont wanna be close friends anymore#i feel constantly misunderstood and perpetually weighed down in this person's presence#we're close friends but i dont even like her anymore#and i feel BAD about it but i just cant stand their ass! everything feels like a competition with them. everything feels miserable.#it's definitely partially my own fault bc i do a lot of comparing due to our laundry list of similarities#but it's partially their fault bc shes always adding fuel to the fire#like we can never just agree on things#and whenever i try to balance myself and stop being so competitive here she comes with her damn#need to make even more comparisons between us#also like. they cannot just shut up about how hard life is#Trust me i know! i take 3 pills daily for psychological issues. i have been since i was 18#like they always have to talk about how haaaaard having ADHD is how difficult their life is like#it's one thing to open up to your friends and vent every so often and another to make your illness your entire personality#i rant about all my issues in depth on tumblr BECAUSE i know better than to dump all that onto my friends who are already struggling#im not saying it's Trauma Dumping to talk abt ur problems but holy shit in moderation#like i dont have the mental or emotional capacity for this!!!!#that might sound really mean and god forbid extremely individualistic but it's truly because#im trying to HEAL im trying to RECOVER#and with someone constantly messaging me about their ailments and symptoms and struggles! well it makes me feel like we're both bound to be#stuck foreverrrr#also apart from that i dont enjoy their company. they used to be interesting and now they're just negative half the time if not more and#constantly playing the devils advocate for seemingly no real reason#im not perfect either in fact i can be a real asshole in friendship im aware. but this one particular friend has been pissing me off for#over a year and that has to mean something#like why now and why for this long?#if it really is a Me Problem then okay! like i fucking suck im horrible or whatever lets not be friends so that she can be happier!#idgaf anymore maybe im the bad guy but either way we're better off apart#z.post
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moonlit-orchid · 10 months ago
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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the0ther-side0f-dawn · 2 months ago
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just a little personal anecdote/ thought dump in the tags..
#so there's this girl i work with - lets call her E. and i used fo work with her mum - lets call her J.#and E is overall v sweet. tho somewhat manipulative and a bit of a princess. ad i guess kind of my friend?#but only kind of bc she is younger and that maturity difference and also im her manager (we used to be the same rank)#but i was like really good friends with her mum - J. like we had v similar experiences and just clicked.#i dont talk to J anymore for several reasons (she stopped working. i got weird - like insecure and whatnot. she moved away).#and E and J do not get along very well#and like J was my friend first right. i was biased by her side of things and disagreements with E.#and tho my rship w J was kind of fucked up and i definitely carry a sadness for how that ended. it doesn't erase#that she was my friend and we got long v well and we clicked and i felt she understood me and vice versa#and similar life experiences and all that jazz etc#and i dont think it ever has occured to E that like me and her mum were actually friends??#bc like we'll be having a conversation and she'll start talking about her mum in a v negative way#and its just so so awkward#bc i know her mum isnt perfect and isnt necessarily fair to her - compared to her sister#but like E is very strong willed and she's still maturing and struggles to see past her own ego#and J is someone who definitely avoids conflict and confrontation but not by giving in - but by stepping back. if that makes sense#but thats why E and J dont get along. neither knows how to reach agreement or compromise#but anyways i understand J and respect her and it so awkward to sit there whilst E whines and trash talks#and it also makes me sad#and we're well past the pointof me saying anything#like a year ago. sure. and there were several times i did say 'hey. i know youre having feelings about this but like ur mum was my friend?#so i think its better if we dont discuss this' kind of thing#but it didnt stick. plus its kind of weird. bc its v much past tense now - like me and J WERE friends.#and like i think E thinks that she and I are good friends. which is also awkward.#bc we were coworkers so yeh. kind of friends by default - small team and o ly young ppl#but she's not rly the kind of person that i vibe with#and ive been making an effort to withdraw bc I'm her manager now and i need professional boundaries so i can do my job well#anyway thats kind of the end of my story#for some context J was previously my manager and briefly also her daughter's manager#and something ive never admitted fo anyone before but you probably picked up on already - i did have such a crush on J
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archerstreet · 2 months ago
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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miesozernacma · 5 months ago
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watched inside out 2.
what ive learned thus far is im actually being controlled a whole lot by my personified anxiety head creature because im so often lost in potential scenarios its actually quite detrimental to my existence actually
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llitchilitchi · 11 months ago
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:/
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 1 year ago
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Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?
#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want#when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving#and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)'#so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will#both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this#im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen#i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me#i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together)#everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking#because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore#so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit#last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said#'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me'#and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august#im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will#its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not#after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig#i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral#i wonder if any of them would come to mine
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