#rly brave and cool of you to ask to hang out but

[miesozernacma]

watched inside out 2.

what ive learned thus far is im actually being controlled a whole lot by my personified anxiety head creature because im so often lost in potential scenarios its actually quite detrimental to my existence actually

[oceanfalls-official]

Mailbag time! #1

Hello!! As promised I'll be publishing most answered asks in bulk like this. The questions that need longer, more thorough, paragraph-y responses will be published individually, but I'm grouping all the little ones here.

So here we go! Questions are below the cut.

AshenChromatic: if ruit cant beat suvi in a rap battle.... could... selene? who can save us?

Nights: I think she could put up a damn good fight, maybe even win it if she decide to get super serious. She's definitely the savior we're looking for... Also I put this ask first because it's the only non-anon ask I got in a long time woah!

Anonymous: Which oceanfalls characters thinks abt dinosaurs

Nights: The easy answer is to just say Five, so I'm not gonna limit it to that. I think Diana also thinks about them a lot but on a more involved scientific level. I also think Kaji is someone who would find big cool beast creatures very badass, so he definitely WOULD think about dinosaurs a lot. I bet he even makes cool paintings of dinosaurs hanging out with sharks like a dork.

Anonymous: where does boyfriend let u pet him this is rly important

Nights: For now, just the top of his head. Who knows if there are other spots... Even Meimona has yet to properly befriend him enough to know! You're gonna have to wait for a brave and perhaps more understanding character to get close and find out the hard way. He does allow cheek poking though.

Anonymous: were solis and suvillan meant to come off so intensely queer or was that just something that happened by coincidence

Nights: Not really! I didn't know it could be read that way at all. They're ruler-and-follower who have some baggage left from a former friendship that is yet to be addressed, which as we've seen really bothers Solis in particular. But they have never had romantic interest in each other.

Anonymous: when is ruits bedtime

Nights: Whenever he pleases. He'll retire earlier if it's a night without a lot of work, otherwise he'll be up late if needed.

Anonymous: does meimona like spaghetti

Nights: Definitely. She also likes noodles for the same reason as spaghetti: Long Strings of Food are fun to eat.

Anonymous: Oceanfalls MBTI/Ennegram/Love Languages

Nights: I contemplated doing the MBTI test to find out the answer to this, but it's too time consuming to do that approximately 12 times... so I will leave it to you to assign them with your judgement! Ennegram looks obvious enough. I will leave that to you too! And I don't think I can answer for the Love Languages myself, either. It's out of my comfort zone of how far I'm willing to think and talk about these characters' details. Cheers!

Anonymous: Who in Oceanfalls would be the best cuddler?

Nights: This is also a question beyond my comfort zone. You can probably decide it judging by comic panels or something!

Anonymous: I'm curious about how the winged can sleep comfortably at all, especially the ones with big pair of wings. Do they often sleep on their sides or on their fronts, and do they get scoliosis from this??

Nights: They don't all have to lie to down to sleep. Some can sleep standing up, sitting, lying down, or upside down. Think birds and bats. The ones with big wings will usually wrap it around themselves like a blanket and snooze. If they do lie down, winged with smaller wings can get away with lying on their backs. Otherwise, it's probably down to the sides or on the front, yes!

Anonymous: How big is the Midworld, as a measurement? What’s it’s diameter? And how far above it is the Winged Overworld?

Nights: I'm really bad with numbers for measuring things like this. As in, I've never put exact measurements for it on paper, it just ended up the way it is from guesstimating with my eyes and what made sense for what I wanted to do. You'll have to simply judge it for yourself from what the visuals in the comics show! If you ask me, I would just say it's big enough to fit a winged civilization, and high enough for its civilization's features to not be so easily visible from midworld level.

Anonymous: what are suvi and ruits favorite insults for each other

Nights: Suvillan (and Corona) really likes calling Ruit overgrown. But I don't think Ruit has any kind of creative specific insult that he uses in return... he used to be more of a petty bully when he was a teen, but not anymore. He's a boring guy who resorts to words like "bastard", and only because the literal meaning of it does apply to Suvillan.

Anonymous: Sorry if this sounds nosy or weird, but have you thought of sexualities for your characters???

Nights: I don't remember if I answered this before, but I don't think I did and I can't find it anywhere on the blog, so I'll do it now... Yeah I did for parts of story where it was relevant. I generally don't go deep about sexual-related details of my characters if it's not needed for their arcs or the story's plot in some way. Otherwise, I don't think about it much.

Anonymous: how many times has eidolon been banned from online games and services and how many alternative accounts does she own

Nights: Probably more than you or I could count with all of our hands combined. I bet she needs spreadsheets to keep track of that at this point...

Anonymous: would kaji drink alcohol out of one of those like holographic disney princess cups

Nights: ...This thing???

I think I had that when I was kid. My mom tossed it out because those straws grow mold if you don't clean them well. Uh, anyway, no, Kaji's like almost 30 years old. He'd be the one throwing out YOUR holographic disney princess cup to protect YOU from evil rotting straws. Maybe if you ask really nicely he'd have a single sip, though.

Anonymous: do you th ink propseroous horn would like be able to be pulled back and then it'd fling back like one of those door stoppers and it'd go boiyayanang

Nights: This made me think of humans making door stoppers shaped like monster horns to make fun of them and that's a very good idea in itself. No I'm not going to answer. boiyayanang

[chlorinecake]

Omg I just realized I never updated u on the hangout things 😭. Like ong I don’t think he likes me but idk cus we sit next to each other in class and we don’t talk like I try but it’s very awkward and shit and Like I do try to text him cus im more comfortable online and I remember I went to school early and he missed school the day b4 so I messaged him like “hey r u going to be at school 2day” cus yk like I kinda wanted to talk to him and cus I was also in the library where he usually is but uhm he ignored me and in class I saw him on IG but he was in purpose not looking at my text 😭. But oh well and then I ignored it for a few days and was like “oh he’s sick so maybe he’s just tired” and so I left it alone and like yesterday I asked him for Twice song recs cus I saw he liked them. And now im in a spot where tdy I bought him a CD to get closer to him and also to be like “Hey thanks for keeping up with my awkwardness” cus my awkwardness makes me rly shy and self conscious abt me talking but I felt brave to talk to this dude and Im kinda feeling self conscious again cus like I do want to talk to him and like he ignores me. Also I do want to talk to him when I immediately get into class but he always has his headphones in and I don’t want to disturb him and when he does take them out my teacher alr started teaching and we can’t talk and we barely do when we do hwk and it’s only to ask each other questions and I feel a bit judged. Like I remember one time when we got back a test, he looked over at my score and I think I got like 1 mark more than him and he was like “Oh u did better than me” in a very sad kinda judgy tone yk that one. And I was like “haha yea but it’s ok at least yk test aren’t worth much in this class”

sorry for the long thing Im just confused abt the situation 😭 and I kinda feel like a clown 🤡 cus I see him talk to this other girl in class smts and idk maybe they just bonded over them both being from the philippines. Idk like I don’t invite him to sit with me at lunch cus hon it’s awkward and also I feel him and my friend I sit with won’t get along and our humour is interesting and j feel he would be more uncomfortable and more awkward yk. But hon I feel bad cus I think he just sits with his brother in the library and like idk I feel bad for him cus like honestly I feel he doesn’t have many friends and this is the only class he rly talks from my observation and maybe i’m wrong cus he is a new student but it’s also almost done with them semester so like 5 months. Idk maybe i’ll talk to him more and ask him more questions and ig try to reschedule the hang out or idk maybe j should let go cus we ain’t vibing but also we have another class tgt next sem which makes it even weirder cus ong I have no one else ik abt but him 😭.

Ok so like, I’d never wanna encourage someone to pursue a one sided connection, bc that’s honestly what this is giving. He’s obviously making no efforts here, and I wish you didn’t spend your money on him already 😭 but like… I knew a guy for a year before he started giving back what I gave him, and now we’re super close, so it might work out for you in time, but it seems to me like for now, his mind is on other things than friendship. You can schedule another date with him if you like, but usually, I’d opt for returning the “silent treatment” until they start missing you 🤷‍♀️ it’s a bit manipulative but it works like a charm every time :>

Bc then even the part with him being sulky over the test like bro, you’ve got issues 😭 And not responding to your texts ? Yeah, drop him for a lil bit. Seek friendships in other people, put effort into those you will reciprocate your affection, bc chasing homeboy is just… it’s not it. Once he sees you living your life outside of him (genuinely ofc, not just for the sole purpose of getting his attention), he’ll get his head out of his phone more often. And if he doesn’t, oh well, you didn’t lose anything 🤷‍♀️ Personally, you seem like a really cool person and someone nice to talk to, and he obviously doesn’t appreciate that

[jokkaber]

The tale of flass: this is a story I improvised on the spot when my friend asked me to tell her a story to cheer her up. I'm quite proud of it.

OK, so there's a frog.

And it's just hangin out, doing its thing, as frogs do.

And he decides "yo"

"yo i want to be higher up than I am currently able to access with my mainly aquatic body."

So what he does is he goes and talks to a duck, because he knows that ducks can fly.

And he goes up to a particularly glossy mallard and he's like

"ay bro, can you carry me up to the treetops?"

And the mallard(by the name of craigory) be like

"bruh sorry but idk if I can like carry you that high up I ain't no BOFP, man"

And our boi the frog (by the name of flass)

Be like

"ay bruh what's a BOFP"

And craigory, the sassy cunt that he is, looks him in the eye and says, I shit you not here, he straight up looks our boi flass right in the eye and he says

(Are you ready to hear what this sassy dick waffle says to our boi flass?)

This bitch no cap be like straight up

"bird of fuckin prey"

And see now flass, the tru gangsta that he is takes it on the head cus he ain't finna let this bitch be openly disrespectin him.

So flass says to craigory

"can you tell me where I can find a bird of fuckin prey then so that I can ask them to take me up to the treetops?"

Now craigory (WHAT a cunt this man is) looks at flass, this little frog in front of him and has the unmitigated fucking audacity to say to our boi flass

If a bird of fuckin prey sees you then it will surely eat you instantly. I caution you, sir, do not throw away your life"

And flass, the Absolute Don that he is, turns away from this lil bitch craigory and says "then I will die in the pursuit of fulfillment." and if that ain't the heaviest shit you've ever heard then bruh idek what to say to u, the dudes soul is dressed like an 80s action hero.

So flass hops away in slowmo and eats a fly midair just to flex.

And he hops away to find a lil sparrow. And the sparrow is just vibin and gettin straight blazed and flass hops up, takes a deep sniff and nods in approval for the kush was good and therefore the sparrow was surely a woman of taste and culture. And a sparrow of such taste and culture must surely be a sparrow of some great education.

Now our man Flass hops up to this sparrow and he says

"ay bruh, how's it hangin"

And the sparrow looks at her bead curtain and says "yeah bruh it's hangin good. I only put it up last week and it's already weathering rly nicely" and flass saw that it was so and he nodded in agreement.

Now flass sits his fine froggy ass down in front of this sparrow and he says

"bruh I wanna get up to the treetops bc I feel unfulfilled being confined to ground level. I asked that cunty dick weed craigory to take me up there but the pussy said he couldn't carry me and I'd need like a bird of fuckin prey so I thought of you. Your a bird of fuckin prey right? We eat the same things too so I thought you might be an absolute bro and carry me up to the treetop sometime"

Now this sparrow looks at flass and she sees that he rly means all he's saying and then she looks at herself, about the same size as him and she says to him "bruh sorry but im literally too small to carry your fine ass anywhere. You'd need something bigger than me like a crow"

Yh nah she ain't gonna be able to carry him up there. But what she does is she looks him in the eye and she says

"OK so like I know where you can find a crow who could take you up there but I'm pretty sure he's not gonna do it for free"

And Flass says to this sparrow (by the name of velvet)

"bro if I can pay I will. This is all I need to die happy"

So velvet looks at flass and she sees how his soul is dressed with the leather jacket and the stubble and guns and big sunglasses and she thinks woah this dude is a straight up 80s movie badass ain't nothing gonna change his mind so she says "bro just hang out with me till I'm sober then ill take you to the crow."

And flass says

"nah bruh I gotta get going. Gotta see them treetops"

And velvet says

"bro I have Mario kart"

And flass says

"bro I'm in"

So flass hangs out and chills with velvet and they smoke and play Mariokart and then he sleeps over. Then in the morning when they're both sober again velvets like

"OK bruh lets get you to that crow so we can talk to him"

So velvet takes flass to the recent corpse of a dead buffalo, where there's a crow scoffing down some meat and the crow looks around and sees them and clacks its beak menacingly.

Now both flass and velvet know that this crow with this clackety beak of his could easily kill both of them.

It is a truth of which they are both acutely aware.

So now this crow(by the name of glowstick) looks at these two lil Bois and thinks yo these 2 got something to say. So he says

"yo you 2 got something to say?"

So velvet gives flass a nudge to go talk to this dude so flass hops real cool up to velvet and he says

"OK bro so here's the deaio. Here's the sich. Here's the case file. The writing on the wall. The drink in the cup. The tea. I feel rly unfulfilled at fuckin ground lvl bc I can't get up these fuckin trees. So I went to that cunt graigory who sent me to this glorious bitch velvet who got me high then hung out with me till we were sober and then brought me here so I could talk to you so like could you just fly me up above them there treetops real quick? If I do then Im pretty sure i can die happy"

Right so glowstick looks this absolute Chad up and down and thinks for a moment and says

"OK so ill be willing to fly you up there and carry you around for a bit but it'll cost ya"

And flass takes a step forward, looks glowstick in the eye and says "whatever your price is bro I'll pay it"

Now seeing that flass isn't gonna be shaken easily he sits down on the carcass, fixes this fine-ass froggy fella with one eye, clacks his beak a couple more times and leans forward:

"I'll take you up there and I'll fly you around for a while until sundown. But once night falls I get to eat you"

Now flass obviously isn't too keen on this deal but the way he sees it it's the best deal he's gonna get cus he really needs to get up there into the sky. So he hops back over to velvet and hugs her.

"bro you've been a good friend so far. You wanna come hang out until sunset?"

So velvet hugs him back bc this is her bro and he's gonna go live his dream until he dies so she's like

"yeah bro ill come hang out till sunset but I'm not gonna stick around to watch you get eaten ok?"

And flass is like

"cool, I'm good with that"

So now he hops back over to glowstick who's taking this completely serious. He's gonna hold up his end of the bargain and he's gonna earn that muthafuckin meal. So he holds oup his claws and grabs flass and spreads his wings

And takes flight.

Now remember, flass is fully used to jumping high and far but the experience of going up and staying up is completely new to him. Glowstick claws are carefully but firmly holding him so that he doesn't slip or fall and get hurt. He sees the tops of the trees and the blue sky with the sun overhead and he spreads his arms like wings and laughs, pretending he himself is flying.

As the day wears on the joy doesn't lessen until the sun dips to the horizon. Glowstick takes flass to the top of a tree to watch the sunset and velvet lands next to them and they all huddle together in the final moments of daylight.

When the sun is gone velvet turns to flass and bumps his head, tenderly, with hers. He, of course returns the gesture to the truest friend he's known in his short life before she turns and flits away.

Now flass turns to glowstick and says

"bro. Thank you for bringing me up here. I was right, having experienced the freedom and joy of living my dream and flying I can say truthfully that dying now wont be so bad. I've just got one last request bro. Make it quick. I wanna go out on a high note."

Glowstick nods his head at this brave lil frog and says

"lil bruh you've earned my respect with your courage. I'm still gonna eat you because that's nature and also the terms of our deal but I will give you the death you want.

And I will tell your story to everyone I meet who needs to hear it,and I will tell them to pass it on so that, even after you die here, your legacy and your 80s action hero soul will live on forever."

So flass stands proud and strong and closes his eyes and remembers how it felt to fly, to rush through the air and to go up and stay up. He remembers the feeling of watching a sunset with his best friend. He remembers all this and more and he finds that he is smiling. He settles into this warm bliss and breathes in.

In the days, months, weeks and years that follow this day the tale of flass and his courage and dedication to fulfillment even in the face of his death spread through the forest to the rivers, the plains, the seas and all the way to other, much different forests across those seas. Faithfully told by velvet and glowstick and embellished from there with each telling until those who told it and heard it almost felt that warm bliss, that feeling of unbridled joy at finding your dream has become reality. They could swear they see, in the corner of their eye if they have one, a faint smile. Like one you might find on the face of a particularly happy frog who had just watched his first and last sunset with his best friend and the crow who had made this possible. And his legacy inspires hundreds of thousands of creatures to follow their dreams however small.

Somewhere, thanks to the story of flass, a primate is tending to a small piece of burning wood, Feeding it dry leaves and twigs to keep it alight, in hopes of warming a cave so that it and its family may not just survive, but be comfortable through the next winter and many after.

the little dude brought a wave of joy across the world. He triggered the discovery of fire. He taught glowstick about nobility in the face of death. He lives on in the stories told of him and the dreams realised in his memory.

As long as there is someone or something pursuing a dream then flass will never be dead.

[tyrus-muffins]

Loving is Easy

Ship(s): Creed & Tyrus

Word Count: 1698

Summary: After meeting him at dirtbiking and hanging out with him occasionally with TJ and Lester, Reed finally decides to ask Cyrus on a date.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

AO3

__________________________

Chapter One: Loving is Easy

Cyrus was on his way out of the school when he heard a familiar voice. "Cyrus!" He turned his head to lock eyes with Reed.

"Reed!" He beamed, "Hi! What's up?" They walked side-by-side out the door. "I was wondering if you're free this Friday?" Reed asked.

"This Friday?" Cyrus repeated, thinking for a moment. "Yeah, I think so. Why?"

Reed looked at the ground in front of him bashfully, "I, uh- I wanted to know if you wanted to maybe...go out?"

Cyrus stopped, looking at Reed. "Y-you mean like..." He trailed off.

"A date?" Reed added. Cyrus nodded, "Yeah. I mean like a date." They started walking again.

Cyrus actually had to think for a second. Cyrus really likes TJ and he has for a while now. But at the same time, there was a little voice in the back of his mind that always made him think TJ was straight and would never like him that way. He was just really friendly and a good person, is all. Cyrus didn't want to risk losing his friendship just because he got another crush on a straight boy.

As for Reed though? He was cute, pretty chill, and he likes Cyrus!! Besides, he was a friend of TJ's! Sure, they've only known each other a couple weeks now. 

But he has been giving off some flirty vibes. He's a good friend of TJ's, so he's got to be a good person, right?

"You like me?" He questioned. "Why?"

"Why?" Reed scoffed, "Are you kidding? Have you met yourself?" Cyrus blushed. "You're the most adorable, kind, and cutest person I have ever met. I really like you."

If Cyrus' face wasn't about as red as a tomato earlier, it definitely was now. There was a silence between the two for a few seconds while they walked, hands brushing every once and a while.

"So, is that a no?" Reed asked, face falling slightly.

"No, idiot!" He nudged Reed playfully. "I'd love to go on a date with you. You're a really great guy! I think it'll be fun. Where were you thinking?" "Movies?" He suggested. "I know it's kinda cliche, but." He shrugged, trailing off. Cyrus smiled at this. A movie date *did* sound really cliche. But, Cyrus was a sucker for cliche's. He'd probably never admit that, though.

"I love it." Cyrus replied, earning a soft chuckle from Reed.

"Alright, meet me at the theater at 6pm Friday?" Cyrus nodded. Reed smiles, 

"Rad! Well, I should probably head back toward my house. See you!"

"Okay! Later." He watched Reed turn around and head the other direction. Cyrus looked at his feet as he walked before finally deciding to start toward the park.

Reed was a really good friend of TJ's, meaning he would probably tell TJ that he's going on a date with Cyrus. He felt his heartrate speed at the realization he needs to come out to TJ. Him and TJ were close, and he didn't want TJ finding out Cyrus was gay through one of his friends! He wanted to come out to TJ so he could see his reaction. 

The mere thought of TJ finding out from Reed and then possibly never speaking to him again was utterly terrifying. But then again, TJ would never do something like that to Cyrus. Would he? TJ is a really good person. He'd never stop talking to Cyrus or end their friendship just because he's gay. But would it make things awkward? Would he not be as touchy? Would he think Cyrus has a crush on him?! Well, that wouldn't be a lie. Cyrus does have a crush on TJ. But TJ can't find out!!

Cyrus' head was spinning. He took a deep breath and walked toward the swings. Luckily, the park was empty. Kids rarely came here in the colder months. Cyrus sat in a swing, reluctantly pulling out his phone and calling TJ. It rang a couple times before he picked up.

"Underdog!" he exclaimed through the phone. "What's up?"

"H-hey, TJ!" Cyrus' voice cracked, failing to sound even mildly enthusiastic.

"Cyrus?" TJ sounded concerned, "You alright?"

Cyrus sighed, "Can- um, can you meet me at the swings? Like right now?"

TJ answered almost immediately, "Of course. Did something happen?" he said.

"No! I mean, kind of. Nothing bad! I just-" He exhaled slowly, trying to think of his wording. "We need to talk."

"Oh," TJ said, unsure of what that meant. Did *he* do something? "I'm on my way. See you in 5." He said before hanging up.

---------------

"Legs go up,  legs go down, that's how we make the swing go 'round. Drag your feet, you go slow. The more you drag, the less you go." Cyrus sang, trying to calm himself. He was rethinking everything. He was trying to think of an excuse to get out of telling TJ, and even trying to think of how to get out of the date with Reed. But every ending Cyrus thought of, ended in TJ finding out he was gay.

All his thoughts flew out the window when he heard footsteps growing close on the wood chips. TJ heard Cyrus singing the song, knowing that usually meant he was trying to calm himself. He sat silently in he swing next to Cyrus. He didn't swing, he just sat there waiting for Cyrus to decide when he was ready to talk.

Cyrus slowed down and didn't speak up until the swing completely stopped. "Hi." He said, staring at the ground.

TJ looked up at the sound of Cyrus' voice, staring at the side of his face. He could tell something was wrong. "Hey."

Cyrus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Just say it. Rip it off like a bandaid. "I'm gay." He said, squeezing his eyes shut preparing for TJ to laugh at him or say some sarcastic comment.

A couple seconds later he felt arms wrap around him in a tight hug. Cyrus opened his eyes, shocked by the supportive contact. He hoped TJ didn't notice how fast his heart was racing right now. Cyrus closed his eyes as returned the hug.

TJ let go and gave the softest expression, cupping Cyrus' face as he wiped the tears that fell down Cyrus' cheek with his thumb. "Were you scared to tell me?" Cyrus sniffled, "I wasn't *scared* to tell you. I was just didn't know how you reacted and I was overthinking everything. It was stupid." he said with a soft laugh.

TJ took his hand from Cyrus' face and grabbed his hand. "Cyrus, I'd never make fun of you. Especially not for that." He said, locking eyes with Cyrus. "I know how hard that can be. Thank you for telling me."

*I know how hard that can be*? Cyrus thought. He waved off the thought. TJ wasn't gay. No way. He'd especially never be into Cyrus like that. "I'm so glad you're cool with it! I actually have to tell you something else, which is why I was so brave to even tell you anyway."

TJ thought his heart was going to explode right now and his face lights up. Cyrus already came out to him. Was Cyrus about to say he likes him? TJ wasn't one to believe in love at first sight. That is, until he met Cyrus. TJ has had the biggest crush on Cyrus for the longest time. Pretty much from the first time he laid his eyes on him in the cafeteria when Buffy pulled him into his view.

"Go for it, Underdog." TJ was high on life right now. Was this actually happening? He might actually have a chance with Cyrus, now! Unless Cyrus has some type of secret boyfriend that prompted this whole confession. TJ laughed to himself in his head. Cyrus wouldn't do that.

Cyrus took a deep breath, "I'm going on a date with Reed this Friday!" he squeaked happily.

TJ's face fell slightly, but he put on his best poker face. Something he has mastered over the years. 

"Wow!" Was all TJ could manage. This was harder than TJ thought. Looking in Cyrus' eyes after finding out Cyrus was going on a date with someone else. He wanted to tell Cyrus how he felt, but he didn't want to ruin this for Cyrus. He was clearly so happy over this.

"I know, right!" Cyrus exclaimed, "I didn't think he liked me like that. I mean, I felt like I was picking up some flirty vibes with some stuff he said. But I never thought, y'know..." He trailed off, noticing TJ looked upset about something. "Teej?" He questioned, "You okay?"

TJ snapped out of this thoughts, laughing nervously. "Yeah! I'm so happy for you, Cy! I actually have to go, now. I just remembered, I uh- have to go help my mom cook dinner! Yeah!"

Cyrus knit his eyebrows together, noticing something was up about TJ's behavior. He couldn't possibly be upset over this, could he? No way he was jealous. Right? "Okay. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

TJ nodded walked away as fast as he could. He could feel Cyrus' eyes burning a hole in his back. He knew Cyrus could feel the energy shift. Cyrus was just like that. Not surprising, being as he has four therapists for parents.

As soon as TJ knew he was out of Cyrus' line of vision, his face turned red and tears stung his cheeks as they fell. He put his hoodie over his head so someone would be less likely to recognize him. The last thing he wanted was for somebody he knew see him like this. TJ couldn't get home fast enough. As soon as he locked the front door, he ran up to his room.

TJ was pissed. Not at Cyrus, not in the slightest. But at Reed. Reed knows about TJ's big crush on Cyrus. Why would he do something like this?? TJ had a few words to say to Reed. Boy, did he. He picked up his phone furiously, tapping the call button on Reed's contact name.

"Hello?" he heard Reed say through the phone.

"WHAT THE HELL, REED?!?!" __________________________

End Notes: not the rly a cliffhanger but KKDKF dw y’all are gonna get cliffhangers! I’m working on chapter two and i might make a posting schedule. 

[whaleyoufeedmenuggets]

Im too lazy to look at the questions so DO ALL OF THEM. (if you dont wanna then go on a random number generator and get 5 random numbers)

ITS REALLY LONG BUT I DID IT KJSHADJS HERE GOES i love oversharing my lifealso im putting a read more line bc its hella long

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

ehhh depends on my mood. i’d say it’s (dark) chocolate most of the time (love that 70% dark chocolate mmMmMm)

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy!! except when it gets all over my face and hair o no

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

common report book comments included

- very active

- bright

- “the live wire of the class”

- usually distracted but still does well

- mischievous

- playful

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

bottles so that i can close it and save the rest for later and not have to chug it yeet

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

sportswear #sweatpantsalldayeveryday

7. earbuds or headphones?

def headphones but they’re inconvenient sometimes :/

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows!! (also, my adhd ass can’t get through a movie without zoning out oops)

9. favorite smell in the summer?

i haven’t experienced /real/ summer (thank u singapore’s tropical climate) but i rly like the smell of rain :”)

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

making up excuses to skip pe

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

belvitas before morning practice

croissant sandwich and chocolate milk after practice

if there’s no practice, then scrambled eggs from the dining hall lolol

if i’m too lazy to go to the dining hall, then cereal

12. name of your favorite playlist?

it’s literally called jams and the description is “a clusterfuck of stuff i’ve jammed to at some point”

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

gummy bears/sour patch kids

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

death of a salesman - arthur miller

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

with one foot up on the chair and the other leg sitting normally

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

a pair of asics sneakers

18. ideal weather?

15ºc/60ºf when its like cool but not too cold but also not ridiculously hot and also when theres no insane wind (a light breeze is fine)

19. sleeping position?

on my left side and hugging a pillow/bolster/soft toy

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

i like the feeling of pen and paper but im disorganized as hell so an apple pencil + ipad makes a good enough substitute

21. obsession from childhood?

frogs (i’ve loved them since i was 3 hehe)

22. role model?

a dude i used to train with for a while in 2014. he retired last year but he’s always looked out for me like an older brother since we trained together (he’s 8 years older than me lmao) and even thought i’m so far away rn he still checks in on me and stuff and idk he’s probably one of the swimmers i respect the most.

23. strange habits?

i cant fall asleep at night if im not hugging something.  like. it could be a pillow. or a soft toy. literally anything. once on a school trip i hugged a pair of sweatpants to sleep bc i legit cant fall asleep if im not hugging something.i have no problem falling asleep in class/on buses/cars/planes though.

24. favorite crystal?

idk i never really paid enough attention to crystals to actually have a favorite and know their names. they’re all rly pretty tho.

25. first song you remember hearing?

uhh h h i honestly can’t remember. probably some classical music bc i played the violin and that was my first experience of music that i was actually aware of????

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

switch on the aircon and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch. and swimming outdoors i guess.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

switch on the heater and take a nap / sit in bed on netflix/playing on my nintendo switch.

do u see a pattern here

28. five songs to describe you?

jet lag - simple plan (bc time zones suck and i miss my fam & friends)

avalanche - bring me the horizon (pretty much sums up how tf my brain feels)

high hopes - p!atd

astronaut - simple plan

the reckless and the brave - all time low

29. best way to bond with you?

doing dumb shit with me

also Quality Time™️ like idk even if we’re chilling and doing our own shit i like just spending time with people im comfortable enough with

30. places that you find sacred?

idk

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

a hoodie and sweatpants

for no reason other than that’s what i wear 90% of the time

32. top five favorite vines?

I AM CONFUSION!!! AMERICA EXPLAIN

this bitch empty. yeet.

im in my mom’s car VROOM VROOM

the one of that dad playing the saxophone (???) and the kid slamming the oven door open and shut

road works ahead “haha yea sure hope it does!”

33. most used phrase in your phone?

either lmao or lolol or LMFAO or yeet

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

gOD i had spotify ads stuck in my head all the time before i switched to premium and now i cant remember any of them (thank god)

35. average time you fall asleep?

i’d say 12:30-1ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

the tROLL FACE MEME LIKE those rage faces idk what they’re called but BASICALLY THOSE 2010-2012 era memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

suitcase!!! i like sitting on them and yeeting myself around on them or getting people to push me around and then falling off

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

ngl i havent had either of them before

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

so in jc2 (aka 12th grade), for some reason PEOPLE WERE PUTTING PRE-PACKAGED HARD BOILED EGGS ALL OVER THE SCHOOL. like they were still in their wrappers and all but u could open ur schoolbag and find like 5 eggs in there. and no one knew where they came from. i think at one point there were even eggs hanging from the pull-up bars. all i know is that they were everywhere and people in my batch still remember it as the egg invasion of acjc.

41. last person you texted?

my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

def jacket!!! especially when they have zips hehe

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

idk man depends on my mood

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi bc im a fricken nerd

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

shirt and sweats

47. favorite type of cheese?

cheddarrr also i like mozzerrella sticks

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

a fineapple B)

lmao jk ummmm maybe a watermelon bc when u hit it it sounds hollow, just like how my skull would sound if someone hit it (h a)

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

here for a good time not for a long time

never give up without a fight

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

idk probably some dumb meme. i laugh at a lot of stuff like i laugh anything even mildly funny. some that i can think of off the top of my head are:

- i was tryna type ducky but typed fucky instead and sOmEOnE (could be the person who submitted this ask, idk tho) changed my facebook messenger nickname to fucky and the notification was like ”poopy butthole changed your nickname to fucky” and i think that’s still the funniest sentence i’ve read in my whole life

- one time we went to mcdonalds and a friend said mcfluffy instead of mcflurry and idk why but i laughed so hard at that

- once @doduo and i spent half a chinese lesson cutting out random faces from the chinese newspaper and sticking them randomly all over the classroom and idk. it was the funniest thing ever. until the teacher came over and confiscated my scissors rip.

51. current stresses?

- an essay draft (that i am procrastinating rn by doing this, oops)

- CANADIAN TRIALS (but thats a good kind of stress)

- submitting a proposal for a group project but none of my groupmates are freaking replying my texts ugh

52. favorite font?

avenir next!! i find san serif fonts way easier to read than serif lolol.i like helvetica neue too.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

dry af but also i just got my nails done so they pretty rn hehe

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i…havent had a real job yet

55. favorite fairy tale?

idk i was never rly one for fairy tales even as a kid.

56. favorite tradition?

chinese new year when we get CASH and we spend 3 days just eating junk yEET im rly sad im gonna be missing it the next few years tho

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

hh h h hh hhh hh hh they’re pretty personal i don’t /really/ wanna put it out here but i can text you the answer to this if you want (i’m perfectly fine with that!!)

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

- i think i’m pretty intuitive!!! i can guess anyone’s mbti if i’ve spent enough time with them/gotten a detailed enough description of them /winks/ and i can read people pretty well in general and i can draw links to themes/symbols in lit pretty well….???

- i’m somewhat decent at lettering…i think

- i’m good at pull-ups and also vertical jumps i’m secretly a froge

- i’m decent at photography…i guess….

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

yeet

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

pokemon !!

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

/sweats/ i’m not very good at remembering lines from books/movies/shows WELP

62. seven characters you relate to?

JAKE PERALTA - b99

rosa diaz - b99

linguine - ratatouille (he’s permanently confused and he let a ratto take over his job bc he had no idea what he was doing like damn what a big mood)

dory - finding nemo/finding dory (i relate to the forgetfulness)

percy jackson

kale bae /winks/

mitt (during bad phases) /winks again, but sadly/

63. five songs that would play in your club?

idek man i wouldnt even be at my own club i’d be at home taking a nap i’ll just ask someone else to handle my playlist

64. favorite website from your childhood?

club penguin !!!

65. any permanent scars?

yE one of them was from jumping onto a treadmill going at 13km/h 2 years ago bc i thought i was a good idea

66. favorite flower(s)?

i dont have any

67. good luck charms?

i eat pancakes for breakfast on meet days!!!! altho i think this is more of a habit than a good luck charm tbh lmao.

also i guess pip???? he’s my emotional support narwhal :’)

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

durian. i cant stand the stuff or anything flavored like it ugh.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

red food coloring is derived from beetles

70. left or right handed?

right

71. least favorite pattern?

overly-floral patterns i guessssss. also i hate wearing stripes.

72. worst subject?

chinese

besides that, math and physics

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i rly like vanilla ice cream and fries

also i would eat ketchup with nearly anything

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

i usually just suck it up and go to sleep when it comes to pain but i guess an 8??? idk. i usually take advil/ibuprofen only for fevers

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i got my first loose tooth on january 11 2005 and it fell out on january 18 2005 & it was a tuesday (pls don’t ask me how i remember this bc i dont know)

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

tater tots

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

cactus i guess. idk im not good at plants.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

grocery store sushi (it was pretty decent in singapore so yeeeee lmao also i ate a lot of that as a kid)

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

its the same photo for both so yeAh

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

idk i always called them fireflies

82. pc or console?

console I LOVE THE FEEL OF BUTTONS

83. writing or drawing?

drawing (more like doodlign for me bc i cant draw for shit)

84. podcasts or talk radio?

neither but if i rlllllly had to choose then podcasts i guessss s sss

84. barbie or polly pocket?

neither LMAO i gave all my barbies haircuts when i was a kid bc i didnt know what to do with them

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology for sure!! i love greek mythology (may or may not be bc of percy jackson lolol)

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cookies

87. your greatest fear?

losing those i love and care about (could be drifting or actual death it goes both ways)

88. your greatest wish?

rn, for my essay to write itself

for the short-term, to make the olympics (and WUGs…and worlds…and sea games…and asian games…and commonwealth games lmao)

for the long-term, uhhh idk. i just wanna live a life i’m satisfied with and to have a job i actually like and to be able to support my parents

89. who would you put before everyone else?

my mom

90. luckiest mistake?

i always say that i regret doing a year of college in singapore instead of coming here for freshman year but if i’d come in a year earlier like i was supposed to, i proba wouldn’t have made it past swim team tryouts and i made some pretty great friends in my first year of college soooo it all worked out i guessi cant think of any others rn

91. boxes or bags?

bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights are rly pretty!!but i like natural light :”)

93. nicknames?

deb

debs

debo

debbo

alpha childuhh h h i think thats about it??? i cant remember any others

94. favorite season?

spring’s pretty great rni like fall too (before it gets cOLd)

95. favorite app on your phone?

insta/tumblr/telegram

96. desktop background?

a photo of me looking rly cool at the starting blocks before a race B)

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4 - mine (singapore & US), my mom’s and my dad’s

98. favorite historical era?

uhh h h idk the ice age seemed pretty cool haha sike it was actually coldmedieval times seemed pretty cool too like damn i want a suit of armorWHEW I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS but i had fun so yeet

also if you read all the way down here ily and you’re cool

[rosapeachhogwartsmystery]

Dancing in the dark (Hogwarts Mystery Imagine - fem!Ravenclaw reader x Ben Copper)

Masterlist  (To view my Masterlist, visit my Tumblr page)

Request: Hi! May I have a one shot w Ben? Reader’s a Ravenclaw and she gets in an argument w Ben for whatever reason (it’s so unlikely of the boy he’s such a cinnamon bun). Whenever the reader sees him during meals and passing time to get to class she acts all tough and clings on to their pride and ignores him. The poor baby is rly sad and affected by it and one night he sends her an owl telling her to meet him at the astronomy tower cause she loves stars and stargazing. At first the reader’s confused and mad and wants to storm off but Ben takes her by the hand carefully and ever so slowly and Perfect by Ed Sheehan could be playing in the background. They’re all dancing and the reader cools down and after the songs ends Ben ends up apologizing and the reader does too. In the end Ben confessed their love and ahh please make it extra fluffy in the end 😊. Thank you!

A/N: I hope this is what you had in mind. I kind of used the song ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran for the dancing part (as inspiration)

Words: 3059

_________________________________________________ 

You and Ben have been pretty great friends for a while. Despite being in a separate house, you two were almost inseparable. He was a Gryffindor and you were a Ravenclaw, yet you felt like you two truly understood each other. It wasn’t until the end of the third year when Rowan began suspecting Ben knew more about R. It was becoming rather stressful to keep listening to Rowan telling you Ben could not be trusted. Even though you trusted Ben, you were pretty sure he was keeping something from you. You still had the hope he would tell you whatever he was hiding for you, but he just never told you. It kind of annoyed you he wasn’t going to tell you what was up. It also wasn’t helping Rowan kept telling you the same thing over and over. It just drove you insane. You wished he would just be reasonable and tell you what was up instead of hiding it from you. If you just knew what was up, you could help him out with whatever it was.

 You and Ben were studying outside on the Castle Grounds for your next Charms class. Even though you knew a lot about spells and stuff, because you took studying pretty seriously, you still could learn a lot from Ben. He was a natural at this, but just needed someone to encourage him. He might not be the most courageous person you knew, but he could be brave when he needed to. You knew he became a lot braver when he became friends with you. Perhaps you also became braver, but you definitely felt like you have grown up quite a lot ever since your first year. You were in your sixth year and only have one more year left after this. The time has flown by. You shook your head for a moment. You were getting distracted from studying again by reflecting on your friendship with Ben. You could already see him looking at you for some kind of answer. “Sorry, I was daydreaming a bit.” You told him. He nodded and gave you a smile. “That’s fine.” He said and then he began talking about the charm you were studying.

“Hey Ben…” You decided it would be a good time to ask him about it. “What is it, Y/N?” He asked. “It’s just that I have been thinking about something…. About you actually.” You told him. He blinked. Why would you be thinking about him? He didn’t have a clue why you have been thinking about him. “I know people have been telling you this before, but I just want to know… Are you hiding something from me?” You asked. He was taken aback by your question. “I’m not talking about the R thing… It is just that I see you are keeping something from me.” You said. He glanced away and bit his lip slightly. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” You told him honestly. “I know…” He said softly. “Then will you tell me about it?” You asked. He didn’t know what to say. He just didn’t know. He wasn’t going to tell you this now. It could ruin everything between you two, he was sure of it. No matter how much he wanted to tell you he just couldn’t.

 You frowned when Ben didn’t give you and answer and then you stood up. “You know what…? Forget it. Clearly you don’t want to talk to me about this.” You said and began walking away. Ben quickly got up and then he grabbed your hand. “Wait Y/N.” He said. You were still frowning when you looked at him. “It’s just that…. I can’t tell you this yet. It’s nothing personal, but I just can’t.” He said. “But why?” You asked. “I can’t tell you.” He said. You pulled your hand away from him and then you glanced away. “I’m done with this.” You said. “If you want to keep things from me, then fine. But don’t expect my help.” You said before you stormed off. This time Ben just let you go. It stung to tell Ben that, you weren’t proud of what you said. You kind of wanted to apologize, but you knew he would just continue to keep things from you. No, this might hurt both of you, but you knew this was only for the best.

 “You still haven’t talked to him?” Tulip asked when you were sitting at the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall. “No.” You muttered. “No wonder you are easily bothered nowadays.” She said. “Seriously though. You haven’t spoken him for a week. Do you really think this is going to help?” She asked. “Well, just hanging around doesn’t help either. Besides, I can’t believe he just won’t tell me… It is pretty obvious he is hiding something. I even told him I didn’t think it was anything related to R, and he still didn’t tell me.” You muttered frustrated. “Speaking about the devil. There he is.” She said, pointing at Ben who entered the Great Hall. Your eyes met his before you quickly looked away, frowning. “Seriously, you should talk to him. Being a sourpuss doesn’t suit you.” She said. “Then what does suit me?” You asked. “Well, your normal self. Not too normal, but not a lunatic either. Just the right amount of madness.” She said amused.

 You shook your head and sighed. “You know how to tell people they are mad in the right way.” You said slightly amused. “Well, I’m pretty mad too. I mean, have you seen the last prank Tonks and I have pulled on Filch? It was hilarious, but also very genius if I can say so.” Tulip said with a smirk. Rowan suddenly sat down next to you. “What is up?” She asked. “Oh, just Y/N being frustrated because of Ben.” Tulip said. “Well, if Ben is hiding something, then Y/N has the right to know, right?” Rowan asked. “Rowan, it is not even related to R.” You said. “How can you be sure?” She asked. “Because I can tell. If he really knew something about R he would have spilled some information about it. Even if he did contact R before, it is most likely this R has used something to erase Ben’s memories.” You said honestly. Rowan looked slightly uncomfortable when you told her that. “I just thought Ben would trust me enough to tell me this. I mean, we are like best friends.” You said.

 “Maybe you should just go talk to him again. I mean, this isn’t helping you nor Ben. I mean, he keeps glancing at you from the Gryffindor table.” Tulip said, pointing towards Ben. You huffed. “Forget it. I’m not going to talk to him if he is not going to tell me.” You muttered. “You are way too stubborn for your own good, Y/N.” Tulip said, shaking her head. “I just hope you know what you are doing.” She said. You shrugged and began drinking some water. Andre sat down next to Tulip and raised an eyebrow. “Love troubles?” He guessed. You nearly choked on your drink, coughing a little. “No! There are no love troubles because I’m not dating someone...!” You said, blushing a bit. “You don’t have to date to have love troubles though.” Andre said with a smirk. “Just admit it, you and Ben should become an item.” He said amused. Tulip chuckled. “I agree.” She said. “You like Benny.” She said. “I sometimes hate you guys.” You muttered.

 Meanwhile at the Gryffindor table Charlie shook his head. “Really Ben, if you’re not going to do something she might ignores you forever.” He said. Ben bit his lip slightly. “But what should I do? Whenever I try to approach her she turns away from me, or she just walks away.” He said. “Then you have to do something special for her.” Charlie said. “You like Y/N, right?” He asked. Ben began blushing when Charlie said that. “Come on, Ben. You have known Y/N for six years. It’s time for you to finally make a move on her, because your time is running out.” Charlie said. “We only have one year left after this one and we might part our ways when we graduate. If you like her you should do something and quick, before she is taken by someone else.” He told Ben. Ben gulped. This was kind of making him more nervous. “There is no time for your nerves now, Ben. I know quite some people who would be happy to confess their love for Y/N. What if one of them manages to woo her?”

 Ben began thinking about what Charlie said. He knew Charlie was right. What if someone would confess their love to you before he could? He would be too late and probably be ignored until the end of your Hogwarts years. “So, is there anything you could do for Y/N to make things up with her and confess to her?” Charlie asked. “I suppose there is something I could do…” Ben said. “I’m just not sure if it is the best way to say sorry…” He said. “Okay, how about you tell me and I will tell you what I think about it?” Charlie said. Ben nodded. “All right, just don’t laugh.” He said. “I was thinking about inviting her to the Astronomy tower. She loves stargazing.” He said. “That doesn’t sound too bad. Maybe you have to make it a little more romantic, you know?” Charlie said. “By what? Playing some music and slow dance with her?” Ben said, raising an eyebrow. “Dude, that is just genius. Girls love that kind of stuff, I’m sure of it.” Charlie said.

 “I hope so…”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You were sitting near the window of your dormitory when an owl flew in. The owl was looking at you with a letter. You took the letter and immediately got up to find an owl treat for the owl’s service. You gave the owl its treat and watched it fly away. You raised an eyebrow when you looked at the letter and began opening the envelope. You recognized the handwriting immediately and was almost tempted to just stop reading. Still, it wouldn’t feel right if you didn’t read what he had to say. Besides, it wasn’t like you had to answer him directly now. You sighed and then you began reading the letter.

 ‘Dear Y/N,

 I really need to talk to you about something important. Meet me at the Astronomy Tower at 11 p.m.

 Yours truly,

 Ben Copper’

 Talk about something important? What could that be? Will he finally tell you what he is keeping from you. You weren’t sure if he would though, but if it was important then you should just go, right? What kind of friend would you be if you actually left Ben hanging when he needed your help? You knew you wouldn’t forgive yourself if you did such a thing. That didn’t mean you weren’t angry anymore. You wanted to just talk with him, but you didn’t want to have secrets between you two, especially because it was making Ben more nervous around you. You thought he was hiding something that could be dangerous. You didn’t want him to deal with that kind of problems alone. He just needed to tell you what it was. Hopefully he would tell you this tonight. You put the letter aside and then you walked over to your bed. You lied down on it, wondering about tonight. It somehow you were relieved you would face Ben again, although you felt like you were giving in as well. It kind of felt like a dilemma.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was almost 11 p.m. and you were making your way to the Astronomy tower. You were feeling a little nervous, because you have been ignoring Ben for like a week. You also felt ready to finally hear what has been bothering him, what he has been keeping from you. The Astronomy tower wasn’t too far away from the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor Common rooms. They were on the same floor as the Astronomy tower. You took a deep breath when you went up to the Astronomy tower. It was one of your favourite places to be at Hogwarts. The stars you could see from there were always so beautiful. You remember times where you and Ben would stargaze together. Was that the reason he chose to meet up at the Astronomy tower? He knew you loved that place. You suddenly wondered if he chose to meet up there because it would make you feel better. Maybe he thought you would just forgive him if you went there to talk? Then he wouldn’t tell you what he has been keeping from you. You frowned for a moment. That didn’t sound like a plan Ben would make up though…

 Once you were up in the tower you saw Ben waiting for you. You walked up to him and looked him in the eyes. “What did you want to talk about, Ben?” You asked, not even greeting him properly. He did understand why you didn’t though. You were still frustrated and angry with him, he just knew that. “I wanted to apologize for what happened. I didn’t mean to make you angry.” He told you. You slowly glanced away. You just wanted to accept him apology so badly, but you knew it wouldn’t solve this. “Then, are you going to tell me what is going on?” You asked. “I… I’m thinking about it.” He said honestly. You frowned. He was just thinking about it, so it meant he might not tell you about it. “Why don’t we talk while gazing at the stars?” Ben said. You felt once again frustrated. “Ben, if you are not going to tell me, I’ve nothing to do here.” You said, about to walk away. Yes, you were being stubborn. It kind of hurt to just walk away again, because you really wanted things to be how they used to be. Things just didn’t feel right when you knew something was up.

 You blinked when Ben had grabbed your hand, preventing you from walking away again. “Please, Y/N. Stay here for a moment.” He said honestly. He quickly grabbed his wand and flicked it to play the song. You blinked a bit, wondering what this was about. Once his wand was put away again he looked into your eyes. “May I have this dance with you?” He asked with a sweet smile. You just couldn’t say no to that face. He also seemed to be determined to make things up with you, like he wasn’t willing to let you go anymore. You slowly gave him a nod and he began leading you. The song was pretty slow and Ben just seemed to lead you perfectly. You were surprised by how good he was at dancing. The Astronomy tower was dark, but the stars shone brightly. The dancing just felt magical, despite being a normal dance. The way he held you in his arms made you feel warm inside. Before you knew it, you were resting your head against Ben.

 Could you actually stay mad at Ben for keeping a secret? Wasn’t it normal to have secrets? Maybe you were just too hard on him, because you thought the secret was harming him. You couldn’t even see his nerves anymore, like he had dealt with it himself. Maybe it was just none of your business. You slowly started to feel bad for basically forcing him to tell you what was going on. “I’m sorry.” You said softly. “What are you sorry for?” He asked, slightly confused while he was still leading you. “For forcing you to tell me what was going on.” You said softly. “Well, I do understand why you did think I was hiding something from you.” He said. The song was finished and Ben gently lifted your face. Your eyes met his and he looked pretty serious. “I have to tell you something important, before I will never have the chance.” He said, blushing lightly. You blinked a bit. “What is it?” You asked softly. Ben took a deep breath.

 “I like you, Y/N.”

 Your eyes widened a bit and wondered if you heard it right. “I really fancy you.” Ben said, thinking it would be good to tell you what he meant. You began blushing. “You fancy me?” You asked. He nodded. “Yeah, for a while actually.” He said, still blushing himself. “I just never managed to say anything about it until now.” He said. “That’s what I have been keeping from you.” He said, rubbed the back of his neck. “For… for how long have you liked me?” You asked him. “I think I fell for you about a year ago.” He said honestly. You were quiet for a minute. He liked you, he actually liked you. You couldn’t help it but to giggle. He looked confused. Were you laughing at his confession? “You couldn’t have told me that sooner, could you?” You said. He didn’t understand what you meant. You gave him a sweet smile and then you tiptoed. “You are really cute, Ben.” You said before you gave him a soft kiss.

 Ben began blushing more. Did you just give him a kiss? “That means I like you as well.” You told him with a sweet grin. He began smiling brightly and then he tightly held you in his arms, hugging you close to him. You kept smiling and wrapped your arms around him as well. “Thank you, Y/N.” He said softly.  “For what?” You asked. “For letting me be the luckiest guy on Earth.” He whispered into your ear. You snorted a bit. “Are you sure you are the luckiest guy because of me? I mean, I cause a lot of trouble.” You told him. “You are worth it.” He said.

 “Ben, I was just wondering… Doesn’t Professor Sinistra come in here any moment now?” You asked. “… We should probably go then.” He said, grabbing your hand and leading you out of the tower with him quickly. The Astronomy tower was usually off limits for students after all. Even if you get caught by Professor Sinistra, you were glad you decided to come see Ben.

[gukiee]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUNGKOOK: 365 Reasons why I LOVE him

Hope you’re ready for this because I’m about to word vomit my love and adoration for Jungkook for 365 bulletpoints straight

first of all what isn’t there to love about him:

his cute soft gentle bunny smile

the way he takes out (specifically the right) earpiece when hes singing

his lower lip mole

HIS SINGING VOICE

like the way his voice can go rly low and raspy but then also really high pitched and whiny and squeaky im literally in love

HIS LAUGHHHHH when he starts laughing so hard he starts clapping and throwing his whole body into it

or how his giggle starts off quiet but then it gets rly high pitched and squeaky

but then he laughs so hard that no sound comes out and it gets rly low and he gasps in between laughs its so cute :(

the way he chooses to use formal language with his hyungs out of respect even when he’s been told multiple times it’s okay to speak comfortably

the way he works so hard at ABSOLUTELY everything he does

like how he wanted to get good at bowling so he went almost every day at 2am DESPITE promotions and a busy schedule and practiced for months to improve

the way he hums in between his words when hes thinking and makes this like? “kahhhehh” sound in between when he’s not sure what to say next

his big brown beautiful eyes and the way they’re so big and sparkly :(

his silly personality when he’s rly comfortable and starts getting absolutely wild and fools around with his friends

the way hes finally starting to open up and become less shy and now has friends outside the group he speaks to regularly

THAT TIME HE WENT TO BURGER KING AND ORGANIZED ALL HIS TRASH WHEN HE WAS DONE

hes just rly? respectful and thoughtful and always puts people before himself

how he worked SO hard on his Begin solo stage and KILLED IT WITH THAT FOOTWORK

speaking of solo stage RAINISM was.... well I think if you follow this blog you know how I feel about rainism but ya... killed it

mmmmmmmm his voice in classroom ideal

and the belt chain

that one time the members pranked him for his birthday and the manager yelled at him for messing up the choreo (which was part of the prank) and said something along the lines of “do you think you’re so perfect you don’t mess up?” and he got rly quiet then when they revealed it was a prank he cried because he thought he was letting everyone down

acts tough and sexy but is really a big softy

cries when his hyungs are struggling

like when taehyung’s grandma died and they spoke about it on stage and he started crying

or when he started crying when they won their daesang because he said he was so overwhelmed with thankfulness and wanted to make us proud

or how he cried during the epilogue tour because he “wants to be our singer forever”

I just rly love how passionate he is and how he rly cares so much about making others happy

always says hes okay even when hes not because he doesn’t want to burden people and want to put them first and not worry them

bought music equipment to get better at making music because he had a hard time with Begin and wanted to practice more

is always practicing SOMETHING to get better at

his thiccccccc thighs oohohohhhhhhh booooyyyyy do I love those thic thighs mmmmfmckkk

the way his body moves when hes on stage

his soft hair :( whether its straight across his forehead, parted, curly, pushed back, straight, wavy idc black brown blond pink highlights red purple it could be any colour and any way and i love it all :(

his big manly hands with those long dainty fingers

HIS DIMPLES!!!!!! WHEN HE SMILES RLY HARD AND HE GETS ONE RLY PROMINENT DIMPLE ON HIS LEFT SIDE AND HIS CHEEKS CRINKLE A LITTLE BIG AND SINK IN SDHFGJK

his scar on his cheek :’)

the scar on his arm by his elbow

his long lashes

the veins.......on his arm..........and hands..........and in his neck lmmmmcmmmfmckkcki 😭😭

the mole on his neck

and cheek

and the beauty mark on his right nostril

his puffy pink lips that are always so soft

that meme dance he does u know the one with the hands and that facial expression

how extra he is it’s one of the things I love so much about him because hes never afraid to be silly

that time literally HOPPED IN THE OCEAN, PULLED OUT A HUGE ASS FISH, THEN WORE IT FOR A TIE SDFJGKHK

his cute lil tongue

that sexy angry expression he gets where he fcking furrows his brows and his eyes get hooded and they his brows crease heavily in the middle and he makes that snarl and his nose crinkles fghdjk

when he laughs and he gets those little creases by his eyes omgfg

how he brushes his teeth when hes nervous

how fidgety he is when he’s been sitting for too long

the way his mouth hangs open when he’s focused and thinking about something

memekook

the way he takes the time to learn english and is constantly asking rapmon if he did it right and practices lots

how on Run!BTS when it was revealed that the spy wouldn’t be able to eat he said “that’s not fair” even though he knew he wasn’t the spy

the way he always sniffles from his rhinitis

how he sleeps with his mouth slightly open

really quiet and sweet vs really loud and goofy

“g2g guys 😂😂😂 lol”

“safety first, safety second, coolness third.”

“we’re all going to end up going to hell anyway”

his love of lamb sewers

his love for army !!! he really does everything in his power to show us he loves and cares about us and gets really emotional when talking about it

how damn strong he is like holy fkcing hell can we talk about how he rolls backwards into a handstand

how he takes the time to cover english songs to help improve his english and give the fans content even though he could be doing something else

how he goes out of his way to be daring and pushes himself

speaking of daring, how fearless he is and how hes really not afraid of many things, like how he has no problem going on roller coasters or bungee jumping n pushes himself to the limits

how when he laughs his eyes and nose do the thing (u know the thing)

his long pretty eye lashes

how dainty his wrists look when he wears thin bracelets

and when he wears rings on his index and pinky fingers

his thin ears with those hoop earrings

H E L I X  P I E R C I N G

that one run performance where suga played piano and he solo danced

his fashion style

his love for overwatch

the Dope police uniform goodbye

the fact that he still managed to graduate with special honour awards despite the busy schedule of being an idol

and how he spent a CRAP TON of money on dinner for his hyungs after

his drawing skill

the lil bruises on his legs :((((

how at the american concert he seen people being pushed in the pit and asked rapmon to tell them to stop and was signalling for them to stop pushing

also idk if any of u have noticed this but he has rly nice nails??? like theyre literally perfectly shaped

his appreciation of IU (my queen)

and his love of justin bieber

running around with the flag tied around him like a cape

Iconic fish as a tie (like he for real just WALKED INTO THE OCEAN AND CAUGHT A BIG ASS FISH WITH HIS BARE HANDS)

how he gets really emotional when talking about/to the fans and starts crying

n the way his nose gets red when he cries

that “i’m not sure about that” head tilt he does sometimes

how when hes trying to perfect something he asks a million questions to make sure hes doing it right

and practices DAY N NIGHT

HIS VOICE IN CLASSROOM IDEAL

THE GLOVES IN CLASSROOM IDEAL

how he bought everyone burgers during flower crew (cries over that show bc i cannot believe how dirty they did m boy)

how he was so visibly upset/embarrassed when they were rude to him like i rly cry

the look he gets of pure concentration when hes monitoring himself behind the scenes of a music video,

the way he says chong jojun balsa 😩😩

his strong ass calves ghjkdfgv

his cover of “if you” during masked man n show little n shy he was :((

goes from cute to s*xy to meme all in 2 seconds

how he pauses in between chews n smacks his lips a lot when he does

and when something is really good n he closes his eyes momentarily and does that headshake

the mama performance where he hung suspended in the air despite having hurt himself doing it but was committed to doing a good show

his skin no matter what condition it is

with makeup

without makeup

flawless

with flaws

tanned

pale

and the little bumps he gets when hes rly stressed out

how hes said that hes really shy and is better at expressing feelings over text

his over the top “boy version” of the russian roulette dance

in fact his over the top everything

his big bulging biceps.............

pretty deep ass collar bones

how he plays with his hair when hes nervous

the way his bottom lip puffs out when hes chewing

and how he nods when hes really enjoying something hes eating

nochu come thru

that performance where he took off his jacket n showed off his big ass biceps and effectively destroyed my whole existence

when he was playing with puppies and was giggling all over the place saying “this isn’t for you it’s mine” when it tried getting his coffee

how he was scouted by 8 different entertainment agencies but picked bighit because he thought rapmon was cool

and how he travelled all the way to Seoul from Busan at 14 and was probably HORRIFIED and scared but did it anyways which is extremely brave

and how hes continued to work hard from that day on

his love for the arts like photography

is always interested in learning new things like the drums and guitar and english

that dramatic ass video he made for yoongi’s birthday which was literally just him self promoting himself and making fun of yoongi lmao

how he used to wait until everyone was asleep to shower because he was shy

and how he would go out in the middle of the night to go eat by himself or wait until people were asleep to eat because, again, he was really shy

his spotify playlist and how its full of just soft, calming, gentle, romantic songs

like he has a damn Pocahontas soundtrack song

how sometimes he just ???? shoves things in his mouth??

like? an entire microphone? or a birthday hat? or an entire piece of paper?

more recently a fan??? like a whole handheld fan??

or the time he covered his whole face in sticky notes

or when he was eating during an interview n was so hungry he literally ate the entire wrapper and didn’t realize

that thing he does with his lips where he sucks them in and licks them a bit and his cheeks crease a bit

the way his knuckles and finger tips are always a little more red than the rest of his fingers

how he rubs his eyes when hes sleepy

his long lashes

the way he looks in a tux/dress shirt/tie

okay how he looks in anything tho lets b real lmao

how hes still nervous to sing on stage

how the other members said it took them SO long to get him to sing in front of them because he was super shy

the way he constantly licks his lips

his long thanks to at the end of the albums where he usually needs 2 pages

how he looks when hes observing himself after filming

switch from cute kookie to rude jeon to memekook within 2 seconds

his sensitivity to smells

his love of victorias secret fragrances

and his love of makeup

not afraid to admit those things!!!

his vast collection of white/black plain tshirts

and his timbs which literally look good with EVERYTHING

all his piercings

how he said he was happy people liked his new piercing and wants more but won’t in fears people won’t like it :(((

speaking of which how he stopped wearing his favourite pants because people said they didnt like them

literally does everything for the fans

how he comforted that fan crying during that fansign :((

put his hands in the fans hands!!!

booping their nose!!!!

so interactive with fans!

that one time he was walking alone and seen a group of guys covering Boy in Luv and stayed and even clapped for them

stopped to take pictures with fans when they asked

that time he fell asleep standing up in the middle of the airport and had to be woken up to keep the line moving

always listening to music !

his playlist is so calming and relaxing and honestly he has some of the best music taste ever

that huge ass cameo backpack he always carries around with him

“the golden closet”

that time he hid in the dark during a music video shooting and was the only one not scared

how he gets rly quiet when he isn’t able to do something the way he wants and is scared of disappointing ppl :((

his meme-y twitter videos

his cute ass toes

like he really has some nice ass feet

listen i hate feet but his feet are so clean n pretty n soft looking

and his little nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when he said he wants to meet someone and hear bells like in Your Name

his love of anime

and webtoons

JUSTIN SEAGALL i cant even believe him sometimes

how he literally always has bruises on him everywhere ???

when the boys were having a snowball fight and he came out with an arm full of snow n just demolished them lmao

during that one run episode where they were at the arcade playing the racing game and he was driving with one hand on the wheel sdgfhjdkf

AND when he was playing that power/hitting game and he hit it so hard he literally hurt himself but tried to play it off

his bareface!!!!!!!!!!! ik i said it before but like!!!! i love it so much!!!!

how he flips his hair and runs his hands through it

that time during BST where his shirt ripped and came undone and he still danced right through it

then he got rly shy and embarrassed after ghdkfgjh omg

the way he looks in baseball caps

yelling “WOOHOOO” “YAAAAAAAHHHHH” while on a rollercoaster like pls hes so cute

“i’m done”

“OH MAN HOLY SHIT” *cue jin choking*

“Hawt sauce”

that handstand flip thing where he flew forward and his hat came off and he yelled after

screamo/rock music thats all im gnna say abt that

THAT FACE HE MADE GOING DOWN THE WATERSLIDE DFGHKFJ

rolex watch like 😪 this fancy guy

when jimin ignored his high five and he pouted like a big sucky

SPEAKING OF WHICH THAT TIME THAT HE PUT HIS HAND OUT FOR JIN TO PASS HIM SOMETHING AND HE GAVE IT TO NAMJOON INSTEAD AND WAS DENIED SO PUT HIS HAND ON TOP OF IT AND PULLED IT BACK INTO HIM

his special individual relationship with each member

like how tae and him have an unnecessarily long handshake

and how he says he likes hoseok’s bed because it smells nice

when he smacked hoseok’s ass SO hard that it echoed through the room

plus how he says he likes to touch the boys butts backstage when hes nervous (????)

master of girl group dances tbh

“He is a very dangerous guy”

how he holds microphones at the very top sdfgkjd

hes admitted to being hot blooded

his low alcohol tolerance

like im convinced he fcked some shit up and thats why they dont really drink as a group anymore

When he was still in school n someone asked him how his test went and he literally laughed

able to fall asleep everywhere?

when he couldn’t eat donuts n he kept smelling them and groaning

the way he rolls his underwear up in a ball when he washes them

laundry expert

like loves laundry???

husband material tbh

literally breaking his phone all the time

like hes always dropping it and smashing it

yet he still doesn’t wear a case on it

like the time he chased one of the members and it smashed onto the ground after falling out of his pocket and he still didn’t stop because he was dedicated

or the time he was just sitting and it literally fell out the back of the chair lmao

During For You performance where he went to sit down and he MISSED

when he was playing with a balloon during a fansign and he hit himself in the face and his hat fell off

“oh my gawd”

“are you guys having fun” “oh my god x100000 followed by dying seal noises″

how awkward he looked during AHL like he knew it was trash

when he did an aggressive flying kiss and almost took hoseok out in the process

how he said if he isn’t working himself to death he isn’t working hard enough :(

how he doesn’t use fabric softener for whatever reason so his clothes are always a lil stiff

the fact that he got his face scar from fighting over the computer with his brother

lowkey emo w/ his screamo/punk music

the way he pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek

how he always cleans the bowling ball in between each turn

and the way his posture is so perfect and his leg goes out behind him

how is ears are always a lil red at the top

how he lets the adjuster strap on the back of his baseball caps stick out instead of tucking it into the back of the hat

wants to be a tattoo artist in 10 years???? mmmmm

or own a duck meat shop??

“I’d rather die than live without passion”

“We’re BTS and we’re soooo good!”

the fact that his favourite movies are Your Name and Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

the way he fights bugs

the way he hates bugs except for cool beetles

scared of the microwave blowing up (poor bby omg)

PERFORMANCE KING

like honestly his stage presence?? is unbelievable

his acting (idc what anyone says I think it’s cute)

the fact that he rly.... still laughs at fart jokes lmao

nods when hes talking

the way he makes “hm” sounds n clicks his tongue when hes thinking

how hes nice to people even when they treat him horribly

that thing he does with his hand when hes singing where he kinda sticks out his index n thumb and kinda shakes his hands around to the song and the notes

the way he crossed his fingers as they were announcing the top social artist award

his barefaced selcas

his selcas in general

any picture of him ever

okay just him but thats besides the point

throws his whole body into his laughs

or throws his head back

or nods his head when hes laughing too

that one video where hes pulling jimins hair back and is laughing really hard honestly thats my favourite video every i think but i say that about every video

like he literally fell over thats how hard he was laughing

even his finger nails are beautiful

that one picture during that interview where his hand is hovering over the girls shoulder hdfjgn hes so cute

the way he said “good morning everyone” in that one vlive wow

that photoshoot with the pimp coat shfjkdf

how when hes smiling or laughing really hard he gets a rly toothy grin and his mouth opens a little bit so theres a gap

and how he sucks his lips in and gets those dimples when hes trying to stop laughing or smiling and compose himself

how he looks in all black oooohhh my god

like when he wore the leather jacket n the all black and the jeans with the one rip wow

AIRPORT FASHION

way he covers his nose when he yawns

how when he speaks from his heart his voice gets softer

never misses an opportunity to be extra

like in the gayos or run bts where he’ll be all quiet but as soon as an opportunity comes he jumps on it

Staff member accounts have mentioned him helping clean/carry things for them without them asking

he never complains despite all the expectations on him

always striving to always better himself

when he was playing darts and he kept getting them in the centre and he was doing flips and throwing them behind him lmao

when he was trying to reenact speed skating and did that weird thing on the ice omg

naruto run.......

how he looked in the spine breaker mv (u know the part im talking abt)

how he looks up when hes thinking and his eyes shift slightly

“What’s poppin?”

how sometimes he has a double eyelid and sometimes he doesnt

the way his lips pucker out a bit when hes talking

how he threw that opening pitch at that baseball game

and the shy little smile he gave after

n how he practiced his posture before hand

and HOW HARD HE THREW IT

how in the 4th anniversary video he gripped his coffee with both hands

and took little sips

n shook it around in his hand :’(

how soft he looks when he wears open zip sweaters n a plain tshirt underneath

okay but when he randomly broke out some beat boxing 

how he rubs the back of his neck when hes thinking about what to say or is nervous 

or how he rubs the tops of his legs when hes talking to distract himself

that time taehyung was trying the bottle flip challenge and it took him awhile meanwhile guk comes out n does it in minimal tries

during the muster dvd when he just broke that thing over his head like an animal

when he randomly breaks into dance

that weird squeaky voice he makes when hes imitating jimin

the smug look he gets when he does something RUDE 

or when hes showing off lmao

when he was jamming out with headphones on and then took it off and it was justin bieber n he looked so proud and excited

or that one video he took of himself with the mask on in the car and he was barefaced and the sun was covering half his face and his hair was blowing in the wind so gently fdghjdrtkfg 

when he was imitating taehyung in that fur coat and was being extra as all hell lmao

when he tucks his shirts into his pants ghsjdfgx (i cant remember if I wrote this already)

how he’s helped with the chorus on SO many of their songs

the way his mouth twitches to the side when hes eating and trying to move the food around

the way the bridge of his nose is always a little shinier than the rest of his face

god i really love his nose and how his nostrils flare out a bit

the way he REALLY listens to people when they talk

like really listens he will put his whole body and soul into listening to you

you can physically see it on his face that his expression changes as the person talks showing that hes actively listening

how he nods and makes complete eye contact 

and shifts so that hes facing you 

hes just always paying attention to everything and puts so much energy into the things hes focusing on

how his leg steps in front of him when he pitches in baseball 

because he puts so much force into the throw

how competitive he is

but not enough to be a complete sore loser

and how hes even started not caring about winning as much

and just having fun

how he blinks slowly and puffs his lips out and clenches his jaw a bit when hes sleeping 

or the way his eyes delicately flutter shut when hes fighting how tired he is

how he crosses his arms when hes standing idly 

or crosses his hands in front of him overlapping each other when hes waiting

how patient he is and how he never pushes people for things

and is delicate with peoples feelings

then there was bon voyage oohohhh boy okay

so when he and jhope were snuggling hardcore

same with him and v

so basically hes rly snuggly and loves cuddling its confirmed

and in the morning when he woke up and moved his head and his hair was literally ALL over the place like a peacock lmfaoo

the look on his face when he was told not to pack all white shirts

and then he looked at his closet and realized its all white lol

that jumpsuit :(

how he was good at surfing??? 

like good at everything he puts his mind to

how excited he was when he won being able to eat the entire sandwich and not split it

AND HOW HE SET OFF AN ALARM IN IKEA BY GOING OUT THE EMERGENCY EXIT

how he said his heart felt weird after listening to namjoons message and said he was really sad :’(((

how his voice sounds in that new cover 

and those quiet hums

and how he takes a big breath before words

yet its still so soft

and you can literally picture him closing his eyes while singing

hes the most hardworking guy in the entire world

and even when hes super busy he STILL makes sure we’re satisfied and puts us before anything

i love how his hair colour has stayed the same through a lot of comebacks

because every comeback its still just as cute 

and hes still just as handsome 

the way he intertwines his fingers together sometimes

or puts them behind his back when hes talking (maybe I said this already)

his long breaths after a long practice

his dance covers

how he was shy during that vlive with hoseok and said he wasn’t good at freestyling but he still did his best 

wow 

i just really love every single little thing about him 

hes the most wonderful man on the face of the earth

and I appreciate him to absolutely no end

[unicyclehippo]

Hi Pal, if you dont mind me asking, how do you deal with depression? I think I read a while ago that you deal with it, if not I apologize. I have it and I am not doing a good job managing it.

im not sure how much i can help, im not a doc of any kind & haven’t even had any experience w getting help myself but i have been doing better so i can just tell u stuff that helped & maybe that’ll help u a bit ?

i have no idea where to start. i guess,,, for me it was abt small victories bc the big goals seemed so daunting & horrible & looming yknow & i felt like they were totally insurmountable & had no idea how to get there & claim the big victories. & it felt so much like they were actually rly small things i shouldn’t have been freaked out abt - that normal ppl wouldn’t freak out abt - but i was. only at the same time it absolutely felt like i was just being lazy & i couldn’t be sure whether i was lazy or selectively lazy protecting myself by not even trying to attempt these very big small scary things like getting a job & being a better person

but i started latching onto these small victories & rly going to town on them like i did this course that gave me a library qualification & i smashed that out i did my best & it wasn’t exactly what i wanted to do but it was a direction & prior to that i had exactly zero direction & it felt rly good to do smth. bc when i don’t do stuff i get into my head too much & i felt very boring & low & lowkey parasitic yknow ?? & i got a job, which wasn’t The Best Job in the world which is what i had felt like i needed to get or do exactly the right job for me, but the job was a job & a Good job & it is smth im hanging onto. & decisions are still rly hard for me but im trying to start to plan stuff so i don’t rly freak out again & not do anything at all.

i got some friends who were willing to be very honest v me & start rly talking abt stuff like bc friendship is give & take & when u have depression it feels all the time like ur the one taking & it can rly twist stuff up inside yknow Shame & Guilt are ur two best buddies. but that’s smth to fight (& keep fighting bc it’s as easy as pie to slip back into not talking abt stuff i mean all u gotta do is close ur mouth?? it’s so easy to be inactive but sometimes the right thing is Hard but it’s good not all the way through maybe it feels shitty but it is Good). so for that one u gotta be lucky or brave to make good friends but it’s smth to do w ur family & ur therapist or doc if u have one bc that’s how we get help. tell ur ppl when ur having a hard time. tell them why, tell them what u think might make it easier. this is rly hard for me & smth im still working on but i think it’s rly important

smth important is to stop harming urself. this includes a whole array of stuff i don’t wanna get into but whatever it is, stop. it’s an easy thing to say & it’s a suck fest doing it but u gotta. i know stuff doesn’t work all the time but u gotta try anything that might help so like i knew someone who wrote reminders wherever they wanted to hurt like MINE & EXCEPTIONAL on their legs & stuff & i know ppl who have affirmations & i know ppl who listen to certain music to distract them & some ppl drag it all out onto paper. there are sites w anonymous chats & stupid videos in youtube. whatever it is, u gotta look after ur body. harming hurts (big surprise!!!) in whatever way it’s done & it brings a lot of downing emotions w it that don’t help at all. im not trying to be an ass but this isn’t smth u wean urself off from - this is smth u grab in both hands & u say see u never & u End it there. this isn’t to say that slipping is the end of the world or that ur a failure - u just pick urself up & try again. but each time u gotta try w vigour & every bit of strength u have bc u absolutely deserve that.

instructive thoughts are a fuckin world on their own i haven’t figured that shit out yet, sorry. just ignore those evil little twits tell them to go shit in their own heads & to leave u alone. don’t listen to a word of it, don’t let urself be tricked. ur not a bad person for thinking fucked up stuff. pretty sure everyone does it

make sure to love smth. love lots of stuff. depression makes things feel Shitty - keep trying to search for that stuff that lightens it a little bit. smth that is the perfect size for ur hand like a tennis ball or the sound of it bouncing or plucking grass or smth. whatever it is, it doesn’t have to be productive so long as it makes u happy. personally i love art bc i love the concept of creating stuff but if that’s not for u then like that’s perfectly fine too???? if u do like creating stuff it’s important not to delete everything when u get a Mood. u will lose stuff & i think no matter how shitty smth is that u made, u made it & to be able to see it there is rly cool???? don’t edit when ur in a Mood that’s my advice lol

treat urself. take a bath, go on a walk, go to sleep early, make dinner for ur family or With them, try to learn smth u have always wanted to learn, go to the theatre (!!), read a new book or watch a show!

this is all stuff for when ur not in a heap on ur bed & can’t move. when ur in that mood, i recommend cleaning ur teeth. if u can, i also recommend making ur bed with new sheets & having a shower.

idk what else i can say & i certainly don’t know if any of this was helpful at all. i hope it was but u can ask me anything u want