#she’s going to give me a heart attack istg

[spoofyleaf]

My bearded dragon turned 11 this month! What an old lady, I’m so proud of her for being alive this long!! Within the last year, we had a scare (she had a rough brumation) and I whole heartedly thought I was going to lose her. But she’s still kicking!! Still loves the attention from people and snuggling up with Valentine (one of my beagles).

[mo-mode]

Me: asks my mom how much she knows about F1 so I can infodump about it

Mom: I know they race cars on a track lol

Me: Okay cool, so F1 is the highest form of open wheel racing with a single seat—

Mom: And I also worked for a formula one racer for several years. Got to stay in the box with his family, attended big parties with the racers, made some friends with them, traveled to watch races. It was nice :)

Me:

Mom: Didn’t I tell you? :)

Me: What the FUCK—

[captainwans]

she looks absolutely gorgeous…and he’s there! (smau)

arabella series!

masterlist!

pairing: alex turner x fem! actress reader

summary: the media and fans are taking a liking to y/n being apart of alex’s life, but there’s also a downside when your relationship gets public and having to deal with haters and nasty comments.

timeline: 2014

note: this format / layout is heavily inspired by my love @ithinkimokeei 🩶

Liked by elizabetholsenofficial, imsebastianstan and others

yourinstagram a little breakie 🍸✨ (feat. cindy’s legs)

 ㅤ View all the comments

username she’s so fine bro

username ok but let’s talk about the dress 😍

username i would bark for her if she asked me 🐕

elizabetholsenofficial cindy those LEGS 😩

iamcindy damn liz i’m taken 😪

username lmao cindy

username she’s so real tho

username how many letters in y/n y/l/n

username gorgeous woman ❤️

username she’s literally so wife hello??

mileskane why did you tag cindy and not me 🙄 i took those photos 😒

iamcindy bc i’m her best friend and she prioritizes me before anyone else duh

mileskane oh really? she didn’t say that last night

matthelders i can already smell a fight coming through mileskane iamcindy

iamcindy yourinstagram you cheater

mileskane iamcindy *you’re a cheater wtf 😭

yourinstagram what i can’t have both of you as my besties? 🙃

iamcindy no ❤️

mileskane no ❤️

 ㅤ yourinstagram just tagged mileskane in her photo

mileskane thank you love 😘

username the heart im dead 😭😭

username NOT THE HEART IM—

username istg her comment section is like watching an episode of the office

username i love mindy!! fav couple

iamcindy ew they have a ship name for us mileskane see what you did idiot

mileskane i didn’t even do anything???

username it’s so funny how they interact like they haven’t been together for 7 years pls

username this is so funny im crying

username cindy 😭😭😭😂😂

breanahelders you two need to log off insta and touch some grass or smth

katiee_cook_ leave y/ns comment section iamcindy and mileskane

iamcindy ok mom and dad 🙄🙄

Liked by sabrinacarpenter, breanahelders and others

yourinstagram about last night 🖤 🚬#leedsfestival2014 arcticmonkeys

 ㅤ yourinstagram has tagged katiee_cook, breanahelders and iamcindy

 ㅤ View all the comments

username y/n y/l/n is so arctic monkeys coded

 ㅤ Liked by 23,6k users

username you can’t see it but i’m the smoke

username katie is so pretty oh my godd

elizabetholsenofficial how did you manage to make time to fly to leeds i’m here stuck inside my trailer 😭

yourinstagram i didn’t really plan on going lol i acted on impulse

robertdowneyjr breaking the rules y/n? 👀

cobiesmulders ^ bc you missed your man just say that y/n 😉

yourinstagram cobiesmulders yes that’s true 😩

yourinstagram pls don’t tell joss robertdowneyjr

username she got her prioritizes straight i mean if alex was my man i would do the same

marvel i’m snitching.

yourinstagram marvel which side are you on? 🙄

username NOT MARVEL COMMENTING

username breana looks so fine 🥵

mileskane you’re gonna give alex a heart attack if you keep showing up unannounced

yourinstagram i already did when he saw me in the crowd 😘

iamcindy memorable i actually got that on camera you should’ve seen his face what a fucking simp <3

yourfriend ^! went from 😲😯 to 😄😉😘

username yourfriend and what a coincidence when he was just about to sing arabella

 ㅤ Liked by yourinstagram, iamcindy and yourfriend

username i remember that omg it was so cute!! and the camera even showed y/ns reaction in the crowd

username pls they’re so in love it makes me cry i want what they have 😩😩

username the first pic is doing smth to me 😩

username y/n you will always be famous

breanahelders best night ever ❤️

katiee_cook_ j unforgettable 😍

iamcindy had the best night ever babe 😙

yourinstagram breanahelders katiee_cook_ iamcindy my girls 💕💘💖

yoursister i need some context on the last picture are y’all okay?

katiee_cook_ there was a bunch of paps outside and wanted a picture and y/n being y/n decided to pose by leaning against the window upside down

breanahelders you can literally see alex having a stroke while holding her for dear life 😂

username help- why did jamie pull out his guitar 😭😭

Liked by yoursister, zendaya and others

yourinstagram fashion week never disappoints ✨

 ㅤ View all the comments

username forget alex i want HER 😩

username i love her new stylist!! the outfits fits her perfectly compared to her last stylist

username the woman you are y/n 🔥😍

iamcindy hey hottie ;)

mileskane you’re married remember :)

iamcindy you’re such a cockblocker🖕🏻

username not me always scrolling into y/ns comment section to see a mindy interaction

alexachung looking STUNNING my love ❤️

yourinstagram thank you beautiful 😘

username did i just miss a chapter?

username um that’s not—

username i didn’t know they were friends??

username i don’t think so they have briefly interacted on fashion shows and they were seen taking pictures and sitting beside each other

username that must be so awkward for alex having your gf and your ex sitting beside each other yikes

username username right they looked like they didn’t wanna sit beside each other did you see y/n’s face

username username even if they are that’s none of your business leave alex out of this

username i don’t see y/n and alex’s relationship to last long he’s clearly still in love with alexa and it’s just embarrassing for y/n really

username i miss alexa and alex they were a better couple and y/n is just using him for more fame and attention that whore

username y’all love to pit women against each other and change the narrative! first of all if you were at the fashion show you know that they weren’t sitting beside each other. it was literally two people sitting between them so they didn’t even interact at all (1)

username (2) and second of all mind you that they were grouped together and shared their interest with the designer which is why they took pictures. they looked pretty happy and smiley to me!

pinned comment 📌 yourinstagram the amount of hate in the comments makes me want to puke. if you don’t have anything nice to say keep it to yourself and spread the negative energy elsewhere. ❤️

 ㅤ Liked by 239k users

 ㅤ Liked by alexachung

iamcindy babe you’re too chill about this if i were you i would send hate letters to every single person.

username shajsjsj cindy

username i’m actually so scared of her i’m not even joking 😭

username i know not to mess with her damn

[saintobio]

Hi saint! God you have no idea how much I wanted to go home after seeing you updated. You’re basically the only one with notifs on bc I cant, CANT, miss an update from my fave fic of all time (fears for my life bc you said it doesnt get better til chapter 14)

Anyway, this is not really a theory, but im curious as to what transpired between mc and toru the morning after their confrontation. Why did gojo leave? Did they fight? Did mc force him to leave to go to akemi to lessen her feelings of guilt?

Anyway, why do i have a feeling that akemi could, COULD, be 🤰? bc if my memory is correct, I recalled one scene where they woohooed with akemi saying she wanted no protection on? And since i do work on a medical field, it is possible for cramps when implantation happens (mc will have the heart attack of her lifetime istg). Although it could also be bc of her condition bc it wasnt really really explicitly stated in one chapter they woohooed without protection on (my memory is foggy bc i never reread chapters where they woohooed. I feel mc’s pain 🥲🥲) but why do i also have a feeling mc could be pregnant too

👁️👄👁️ bc they did have sachiro after woohooing in the first few chapters of SN (theyre both so fertile skdhjssk). Also, I feel like mc’s heart condition is coming back :((( after chapter 10 where she was pounding her heart to stop the pain, I can only imagine her angina waiting in the corner ;((

There’s only a few remaining chapters left (💔) but theres still so much drama and tension left unresolved (Gem still doesnt know they 👉🏽👌🏽) I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you continuously grace us with your writing. There are only a few fics that really made me feel the pain and surely your writing will always be at the top of a godtier list when it comes to giving heavy angst (i can only hope they have a HEA and have a new kid bc i really wanna see satoru redeem himself as a father 🥲🥲) I will surely miss this series when it ends and I will surely reread this when I am feeling the blues and just want to cry. Your brain and hands work wonders and I hope people here would also learn that waiting for the next update is definitely worth it (please stop pressuring her for new updates :(( saint gives her entire heart writing this. The wait is so so worth it).

And before this ends I would like to ask mc and satoru what are their current thoughts are after their 😏 hot steamy confrontation (I WAS SO HAPPY THEY FCKED TBH) no pressure if they wont answer hehe. Thank you for giving us SN and SY, Saint! I will look forward to future fics from you. Sending you much love and I hope and pray that you get all your heart’s desire 💛💛💛💛

hello loveee!! those are really good questions and thank you so much for ur kind words 🥹 i recognize ur blog bc you’ve been a longtime reader of mine, so happy to still see u here <3 anyway, your theories:

1. the morning after, gojo and yn are already having an emotional exchange (kinda) thats why yn was already crying when akemi caught them!

2. what i can only say is akemi’s pelvic pain situation is there for a specific reason :)

3. their families (gen, momjo, etc) will be back soon, it’s total chaos

4. while doing it? they’re definitely going crazy for each other. next morning is all guilt !!

[gallaghersgal]

sydcarmy x reader…..established sydcarmy and then they find you and they either both have separate panic attacks like ‘NOOO I STILL LOVE MY PARTNER BUT ALSO THIS NEW PERSON?’ or they mutually just go ‘oh my🤭’

and the insanity of having BOTH OF THEM FLIRT WITH YOU? goodbye. carmen’s trying to be chill but somehow comes off so strong with the words he just says casually (ex. i wouldn’t even wanna do this without you) and syd with her sweetness and her making you food to try, especially stuff she knows you’d love. and the YEARNING STARES they’d give you

just both of them trying to include in their world and eventually sitting you down like ‘hey…what if…now hear me out…we all dated <3’

sydcarmy x reader has my entireeee heart istg. bc its carmen your new boss, and sydney your new best friend (im thinking reader is a cook at the bear) so obviously you feel like you can't make a move on either of them and then suddenly they're together and you definitely can't make a move on either of them... but then they're both so so sweet to you, carm with his gentle hands guiding you while you learn new techniques, sydney with her dazzling smile and wonderful jokes.

you start catching their gaze lingering on you in the kitchen, inviting you over to carmen's apartment to try out new recipes together, etc. and then sydney takes you as your plus one on a girls night out and the two of you come home drunk to carmy's apartment because its closer and the words tumble so easily out of sydney's lips that the three of you should "try this out" and ofc carmy is confused, stuttering and blushing as syd stands with an arm around his waist.

'carm, you've told me what you think of her' 'y-yeah 's just... jesus!' 'cmon man you're scaring her!' and you're stood there in drunken shock, your cheeks heating up and your lips quirking up into a confused smile before carmy reaches out and grabs your hand, pulling you under his other arm.

[silverflqmes]

Can i submit a request?

I was thinking a yelan x fem reader where the reader gets injured and almost dies, while yelan is terrified that she could lose the person she holds most dear. basically her being super protective and sweet to reader after finding out what happened.

໒⦂ 𝐁𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐒.

notes. hello anon, i hope this is what you were looking for! yelan is so mother istg and the “who hurt you” is giving so hard.. please enjoy, super sorry for the delay!

genre. hurt + comfort

tw. descriptions of blood, wounds & violence; mentions of death, slightly ooc yelan ( being vulnerable )

yelan x fem!reader.

a trail of crimson followed your descend towards the steps leading into liyue harbor, eyes barely half lidded.

your skin had been torn from blades, bruises littering your skin in every possible hue a mark could take on, as the pressing urge to just let go of it all increased with each movement you took on.

the life was leaving your body rapidly, you could practically feel it inside you, slamming on the wounds and bruises in the form of blood to flee into the after life. a release from the agony left behind from a fatui attack you just so happened to be the target of.

why you, of all people, had been targeted, you weren’t all too sure of.. but something told you it might have been because of a relationship you had — or rather, the very person you were with.

the enigma of liyue’s qixing, yelan.

otherwise, the only reason you hadn’t dropped dead already.

as you closed in on the yanshang teahouse, a breath of relief nearly left your lips. you’d made it back alive — not in the best shape, but alive nonetheless.

it was after hours, but yelan would always come for a few gambles, wine and a good release from the work she conducted in.

guilt poured into you, the realization dawning that her relaxation time would be sullied with this mess you’d made of yourself. something that could have easily been avoided, had you known basic self defense.

pain shot through your thigh as you bit the inside of your cheek to quell your cries, raising a shaky hand to open the door.

laughter could be heard on the other side, a bit louder than it should have been. was it your ears ringing, or was someone there?

nevertheless, you threw your weight into the door to help push it open, panting quietly as your legs carried you through the doorway.

hearing the thud, yelan was quick to turn her head at the perk of ears, freezing in place at the sight of you.

the tremor in her heart was like an earth shattering quake, unlike anything she’d ever felt before. like her world had been torn apart right in front of her eyes as she jumped out of her seat and lunged for your battered self.

her arms were swift to prevent you from colliding with the hardwood flooring, feeling your body tremble from the loss of blood. how long had you been outside? with pursed lips, the hydro archer threw her coat around you that she’d stolen once as revenge against the fatui harbinger, regrator.

for the moment, it didn’t matter if the snow colored jacket was stained with crimson. nor the expensive outfit she wore as she cradled your frigid body close to hers.

that was the effect you had on her. your well being easily blurred everything, as the care she had for you ran deep- deeper than any ocean, cavern or abyss could.

sensing the change in atmosphere, wenyuan and shanghuam — yelan’s trusted assistsnts, ushered any remaining players and guests out of the teahouse to the rooftop. it was for the best that their boss was given the necessary time to tend to her lover without her usual front.

grateful for the silence, yelan touched your cheek with her hand, pursing her lips together in worry. “who did this to you?” she inquired barely above a whisper, the aloof mask she carried day to day falling, crumbling to reveal a face of quiet rage. “tell me so i know whose lives to silence tonight.”

with a small cough, you leaned your head in her neck, squeezing your eyes shut. “f-fatui.. but they’re gone now.” you breathed out, iron tainting your tastebuds. “they said it was the response of the n-ninth harbinger, in regards to your revenge on him.” came your broken whisper, tears spilling through your lashes.

if you hadn’t been her girlfriend, you wouldn’t have troubled her like this on a night where she was finally enjoying and indulging in herself. all because her foolish, feeble lover couldn’t fight off a hoard of fatui and defend the honor of her partner.

somehow it made the physical pain you felt almost menial in comparison to the clenching and squeezing at your heart — the most vital organ you possessed. the one you had given to the person you most cherished. “i-i’m so sorry, i wasn’t able to defend your reputation- it’s all because i wanted us to be open — n-now the wrong people found out..!”

yelan found herself frowning as the apologies continued to spill out of your trembling, rouge stained lips. were you even hearing yourself and what you were saying? probably not, caught up in your panic as you were.

“y/n,” yelan called over your cries, tracing her thumb over your eyelids. “none of this is your fault, and you wanting us to be known to the public as a couple is okay. i would’ve rejected the idea the minute you posed it if it wasn’t.” she assured you a little more calmly this time, allowing her hand to rest on your cheek. “it’s my fault for not being able to dispose of them all. guess some manage to escape underneath my nose and you were charged with the price of my carelessness.” she shut her eyes, lowering her forehead to yours.

“i’m so sorry..” yelan muttered out, the apology almost foreign on her tongue. “i wasn’t there to protect you when you needed me most — archons,” she shook her head, willing her voice to keep from quivering. “i-i don’t know what i would have done if you weren’t able to make it back here.. if the worst had happened-” the teahouse owner forced herself not to finish her sentence, knowing it would indefinitely tear down the strong front she carried. she had been your rock after all, and you were dying in her arms.. there was no luxury for her to crumple and break down.

“please don’t blame yourself for my lack of self awareness and defense..” you pleaded quietly, raising a scarred hand to her cheek. “i’m here- i tried my best to come back.. and be here.” your throat cleared, eyes cracking open to meet her gaze. “i-i thought i could at least do one thing right by making it back to you. i hope.. that it was enough.”

your eyes were barely keeping open, the exhaustion consuming you — which was expected. bleeding out, bruised, and sore as you were, it wasn’t easy walking the trek that you did back to the harbor.

yelan understood that, and only held you closer. “it’s more than enough. so much more than just enough. it’s just so hard not to blame myself for you being hurt by them.. it was their sick method of seeking revenge on me.” she finished lowly, loosing a breath she’d been holding onto. “it’s taking all of me right now not to hunt the lot of them down and fill the grass with a pool of their blood.” they would count themselves lucky for tonight, as your health was a more pressing matter.

watching your eyes flutter closed, the intelligence agent leaned in to peck your lips gently before rising with you in her arms.

the journey had zapped every ounce of your energy, but she was proud of you for coming back to her, regardless of the state you had shown up in.

“thank you for coming home to me, y/n.. i don’t know what i would have done if you hadn’t.”

notes. sorry, the ending is a little rushed, but i’m hoping i was able to fulfill your request somewhat..?

↳ return to main masterlist . request rules . send an ask

[crime-wives]

ouat 1x01 thoughts

god regina, you dramatic bitch. “I shall destroy your happiness if it is the last thing I do” ok darling, you can destroy me if you’d like

henry is so small, his tiny cheeks awww

not to be gay but… emma swan in the pink dress. fuck. i forgot how attracted to her i was. and the HAIR, the fucking princess curls. jesus christ her ARMS.

“bail bonds-person” i love her

yesss bitch, strut across the street like you own it. absolute icon behavior, slamming that asshole’s face into the steering wheel.

babe you’re so sad and pathetic with your vanilla cupcake. i bet she wished for family.

not her apartment door saying ‘cast a spell’

“My name’s Henry, and i’m your son” agevgsvegw STOP

her having a panic attack in the bathroom, so real.

once again, her ARMS, i want her so bad

henry’s cute little freckles, i can’t do this.

idgaf abt snow and charming “She poisoned an apple because she thought I was prettier than her” shut up bitch, you know that’s not why

“Oh kid, you’ve got problems” emma swan, insulting children since 1983

ok but the fact that they chose the name ‘emma’ in a fairytale world, lmao

evil queen theme song playing as they enter storybrooke

emma swan wearing the most dyke outfit possible. getting ready to impress milfs

not that there’s any significance, but emma’s license plate is: 836•M4X

snow and charming are so annoying istg

ewww the blue fairy, i hate that bitch (derogatory)

regina running towards henry and wrapping him up in a hug. her eyes are wet. good lord, her first reaction is concern and worry, not anger.

“I found my real mom” my HEART. her face after he said that, so stricken and hurt, baby…

emma’s little flustered, ‘hi’ when talking to a gorgeous milf. ok babe, we get it, you’re gay.

graham leaving bc of emma and regina’s immediate sexual tension. and regina’s eyes roving over emma.

first ‘Miss Swan’ of the show at exactly 21:00 minutes.

emma swan is so desperate to impress regina. it’d be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic (affectionate)

“Sneaky bastard” once again, emma swan insulting children since 1983

crashing into the storybrooke sign like the absolute icon she is

the cgi 💀💀

yay!! curse time :)

emma waking up in a jail cell. she just does not give a fuck about this shit.

her lips parting when she she’s regina, ok babe, she’s hot we get it

LIP SCAR

god mary-margaret pisses me off

go regina, knock over mary-margaret’s shit, absolute queen

“She’s kinda a hardass” yes but that turns you on, doesn’t it?

gina’s so hot when she’s evil

putting a newborn through the wardrobe to save themselves, a+ parenting

henry mills, once again, the most mature one in a situation “You don’t have to be hostile. You like me, I can tell. You’re just pushing me away because I make you feel guilty.”

“I wanted you to have your best chance. But it’s not with me. C’mon, let’s go.” go emma! be the mature adult i know you can be

petition to get emma swan a therapist so she can deal with all her issues (trust me, she’s got a lot of them)

“Look, your mom is trying her best. I know it’s hard, and I know sometimes you think she doesn’t love you, but at least she wants you.” emma swan, standing up for regina mills since the moment they met

mmm regina’s voice is so hot.

her unhinged laughter, i love her so much

“Where are we going?” “Somewhere horrible, absolutely horrible” takes them to maine

emma swan is so fucking desperate for regina’s approval. she wished to not be alone on her birthday, baby…

second ‘Miss Swan’ of the show at 38:43 (i will be keeping count of all of them :D)

regina fidgeting with her blazer pockets, she’s so anxious

first “He’s my son” at 39:01 minutes

“I will destroy you if it is the last thing I do” babe, it’s kinda gay to have a nemesis, just saying

third ‘Miss Swan’ of the show at 39:32

baby… gina is coming apart at the seems

god, not to be gay, but regina’s HANDS at 40:27 agevvegse

emma’s only staying because of regina’s provocations. she wouldn’t have stayed for henry.

gold is so icky.

she’s staying a *only* a week, sure babe, sure.

also side note, i forgot how good the coloring was in ouat. like its very faded, maybe indicative of storybrooke being stuck in the past???

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 11

chapter 20:

1. god, i’m glad to know this bridge plan is stressing sirius out too

2. i love sirius’ pure ANGER at how reg and james’ love story is broadcasted to everyone when sirius knows that they deserve privacy.

3. 😟😧 is peter going to be a

FUCKING RAT

IN THIS FIC???? FUCK HIM FUCK YOU FUCK ALL OF YOU!! I LOVED HIM!! WHY DID HE HAVE TO DO THIS??? NOOOOOO

4. 😡😡 PETER AND DEATHEATERS, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, ISTG

5. 😧 vanity noooo

6. 😟 hodge would have turned 15 tomorrow. and james just pushed him in the river. fuck, well, that’s something james is gonna think about forever

7. i am NOT gonna get over vanity’s death

8. reg’s knife throwing skills came into use and yikes. i wish it didn’t have to

9. (bad timing, but nonbinary mathias has my heart)

10. oh god. irene asked regulus to give her mercy and kill her. this. wow. this hurts in ways i can’t describe.

11. everyone is fucking dying, and james just got hurt, and reg is trapped on the other side of the river. jfc this chapter is wild

12. reg, you’re having a panic attack. i understand those. listen to me and jsut follow my voice and breathe with me, okay? in and out. 1…. 2…. 3…. 4…. good. breathe please. i wanna help so bad. please i wish i could help reg breathe.

13. god, it’s hurts that in sirius’ pov, he knows that this is the biggest breakdown reg has EVER had

14. sirius, don’t do something stupid

chapter 21:

1. 😧 THIS is how the plan is formed? sirius talking to slughorn about two victors making it out as long as they’re from the same district? wow. i was almost looking forward to the death pact, while also knowing it would be out of reg’s character (and james’) so it would be unsatisfying. i like this a lot, actually

2. dorcas leaving her home in the most ratty-ass pajamas to run four miles 😭😭 she’s still a queen to me

3. marlene’s reaction is heartbreaking, honestly

4. i love how there’s the line about dorcas caring for vanity and hodge. she cares. marlene asked her to, chapters and chapters ago. and dorcas cared. this hurts

5. 😟 regulus is so angry that he plans on avenging james with what i assume is the most torturous murder to others

6. !!!!! is reg about to take that hint from slughorn? does he realize james is alive?

7. HE REALIZES!!! THANK FUCKING GOD!!! THEYRE GONNA REUNITE AND HOPEFULLY HAVE NO TRAUMA FROM THIS HORRENDOUS DAY!

8. remus comparing sirius’ excitement about slughorn’s decision to a dog >>>>>>

9. “They watch with hope.” AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. sirius expects people to not listen to him, so he tells remus to just tune him out, but remus loves to hear sirius talk. <33333 they’re made for each other

11. sirius having worn a dress before and enjoying it >>>>>>>

12. “”Really, your body is a galaxy, and your scars are your stars."” (remus making sirius feel better about his scars) OH MY GOD!! this is gonna be my equivalent of atyd’s “you were beautiful”

13. remus’ shirt is off and sirius wants to cry over how gorgeous he is. (when i first had sex, i cried over how pretty my partner was. i do not judge sirius for this reaction)

14. the way remus gets his moony nickname in this fic, with his scars being compared to moon craters >>>>>>>>>

15. despite sirius wanting to have sex with remus, i love his decision to wait so he’s mentally in the right place for it. and i love remus’ treatment of sirius’ relationship to sex. that’s exactly what i, as an aroace spec person, needed to hear

16. i’m so fucking PISSED that the hallow took away sirius’ acceptance of pleasure. remus and i are gonna fucking take down the hallow for that

17. authors notes say that sirius is demisexual, and i am all on board. another demisexual!! me and sirius are twinning! i love this!!

[softcarebears]

POOKIE WE HAVE CONFIRMATION ON ALL THREE THEORIES

pinkie has a crush on bbsf. she does, i was taking to one of my friends who imma call smiley. and for context, even tho they technically knew each other bc smiley used to be friends w/ june and violet. anyways i like probably introduced pinkie and smiley on the last day of school, in which pinkie revealed that she has like a massive crush on bbsf. which actually like really explains why pinkie has been avoiding me sense then bc on the last day of school pinkie asked bbsf if he would date me. he responded w/ a laugh, smiling and saying “why not?”. BUT what i didn’t know was that pinkie also asked bbsf if he would ever date her and he said “probably not”. and sense then pinkie has been avoiding me.

pinkie has a crush on me. she did at one point like me, don’t know when, the council agreed that it was probably earlier this year bc she had a crush, said it was a girl, but wouldn’t tell anyone.

we already confirmed that she was jealous of me, but oh god it got worse today. as u know, me and my friends r all american and today was the 4th of july. so while i was out w/ smiley, making vanilla and dr pepper floats in plastic shot glasses that we got from the dollar store while sitting on the sidewalk in front of a hardware store. bbsf was out of cali like i said and let’s just say was doing some… not so kid legal things like drinking a six pack of beer all by himself and vaping w/ his half brother. finally tho for my little explanation, we have pinkie, who was sitting at home playing video games all day. she didn’t go to any of the 3 parades even tho one passes by her house. she didn’t go see any of the 5 fireworks shows, she didn’t go to the races, nothing. so while i’m sitting in the bed of my sister’s truck w/ smiley waiting for the fireworks, bbsf texts the group chat that he’s like wasted out of his mind and then me, him and smiley get to talking bc we’re all part of the trashy party group and according to violet, pinkie got pissed reading the messages. not bc of what bbsf was doing, no it was bc he was talking to me and not her. luckily she doesn’t know that he was pming me too and not just talking in the gc bc she would have had a heart attack i’m pretty sure 💀

so ya everything has been confirmed, but we do have one more little micro theory from smiley. pinkie views me as a threat. for even more background info on the last day of school, one of smiley’s (and pinkie’s new) friends asked bbsf out, but he instantly rejected her bc we’re 2, almost 3 years older and at our age that’s a lot. plus he hardly knew her name and had like never talked to her. funny little fact abt that, pinkie didn’t give a fuck abt her asking bbsf, but she cares abt me and him just texting. so smiley is 99.9% sure she sees me as a threat

oh noo...😔

OH I WAS HALF WRONG...SO EW...

istg where do you get those codenames💀

WAIT WAIT WAIT SHE ASKED BEE BEE ESS EFF IF HE WOULD DATE YOU?? naur she tripping fr...she gave herself away😬

OMG NOT HIM SAYING WHY NOT... HAH CAUGHT IN 4K

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

(i read your recent ask...girliepop i've been done with exams since this monday...💀BUT i do have my Delf B2 (its a french exam) exam tomorrow...did i practice or study my french...absolutely not...lmfao... (in french) je vais me faire prendre une grosse raclée demain cela c'est sure et certain...😭 j'ai juste peur...why did i sign up for this...because my french teacher told me to do it because i got ✨potential ✨yes i may have been the only one that scored an A in french literature for igcses and got a prize but still...😔 (secretly flexing)

but tomorrow its the oral comprehension, comprehension passage and the writing part...im mostly scared for the writing part...😬

and then WEDNESDAY is the oral part...where you speak french...😔(in french) c'est cette épreuve que je redoute le plus...oui le français peut être la deuxieme langue que je parle... but im more confident in my english than my french...and i speak english more frequently and ALL SUBJECTS ARE DONE IN ENGLISH except for french ofc good thing everyone is scared of this one...i hope i get an easy theme...or im jumping...off a cliff and crying my heart out...

also we barely had delf classes due to the week thingies and the anniversary of the school...but they did send us vids of how its going to be...😔we had a formal letter given to us...only 6 people actually did the homework💀...i already watched one vid...so im gonna go try to practice the letter and study the formats for writing and watch the rest of the vids later...😭

wish me luck queen..im trying to reply all the asks today..😔

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

okay lets go back to this..oh so i was kinda right interesting...we love enemies to lovers😩

bbsf vapes and drinks at 14 ...naur that is bad😭bro's lungs bout to turn ashy as fuck

JE VAIS PRENDRE PINKIE PAR LES CHEVEUX ET JE VAIS LUI JETER HORS D'UNE FALAISE C'EST PAS POSSIBLE...ELLE ME SAOULE AVEC SES CRISES DE JALOUSIE!! elle s'agit comme une grosse gamine hein elle me fais chier putain...désolé pour mon language...(rate my french my sigma ball🥖)

bee bee ess eff ain't trying to catch a case purr we love a conscious and semi-rational king! (semi because he vapes...)

EXACTLY ELLE PENSE QUE TU ES L'ISRAEL ET QUELLE EST LA PALESTINE...sorry i had to...🤲🏻🙏🏻

she mad she ain't a slayful talented pretty coquette lana del rey esoteric manic pixie dream girl like you...so ofc she sees you as a threat we been knew...💥✨

not me taking...2 weeks to reply to one ask....💀

i think some followers might be shocked that i can speak french...well surprise!!😭😭

[redrose-arrow]

RedRose Reads: TRR6, Arazan’s Wolves

also known as the book i swore i wouldn’t bingeread and then, well, ended up bingereading

- i know i should feel for these farmers boys but i just want will and maddie

- WILL AND MADDIE

- maddie istg i love your stubbornness so much omg

- will’s absolutely going to SHOW maddie who’s boss

- not will being proud that maddie cheated 💀

- okok jokes aside, genuinely HOW GOOD is will if he noticed the cheating and still hit the target within literal tens of seconds ???

- GILAAAAAAANNNN

- i forgot how much i loved him

- “what brings you to redmont?” if he doesn’t answer “jenny” i’m throwing hands

- not tricking gilan because he’s the commandant??? nah, not tricking gilan because he’s a babe. i said what i said.

- “it would appear your mother had some strange parenting habits” ALSKDJDHS I CANT

- the tiny reference to will’s last time in celtica has my heart

- okay BIGGER reference, still has my heart

- page 21, two inconsistencies. i shall ignore them.

- JENNY WOULD KILL YOU, SHE WOULD, AS SHE SHOULD

- i love how jenny is canonically more important than halt and pauline

- please gilan i am literally begging you to move your headquarters to redmont

- all jokes aside, cassandra would not mind tbh

- george bestie i can’t wait to see you

- george you are a mood a legend an icon and i love you

- YOURE TELLING ME WILL IS SORT OF ADMITTING HIS TRAUMA???? i am nothing short of a mess

- the constant references to b2 are just *chef’s kiss*

- will being called greybeard???? i cannot breathe

- i am literally short of breath right now i absolutely can’t

- why and how did i miss morgarath’s name so much lmao

- the damn reference to macindaw, i just—- this book DELIVERS

- more about will and evanlyn in celtica and i will cry. i will.

- fear being normalised is something i hold so dear

- tug i am begging you not to attack another wolf

- “hahahaha yea let’s just walk into the trap” screw you, will, for playing with my feelings like that

- not the damn fissure

- will should honestly stop comparing people to his animals akskfjdjs

- if anyone ships will and eveningstar i’m gonna throw hands

- there’s something about the parallels that has me obsessed

- maddie falling in will’s arms is a detail i didn’t know i needed

- WILL TELLING MADDIE ABOUT THE PAST AAAAAHGGG IM SO SOFT FOR THEM

- THE OLD ARROW

- how are they capable of bantering right now, i would be scared as fuck

- “does tug talk to you?” oh here - we - go

- if will’s gonna do magic i’m gonna cheer him on

- “great shot” “not just a pretty face” akskdjdhd yes you go girl

- last time will had a plan maddie didn’t like, he almost got burned to death. sure as hell hope this won’t be like old times

- “i will give you what you most desire” we all thought of alyss, don’t lie to me

- “very very tired” ain’t that a whole ass mood

- next time????? please no

- i won’t lie i laughed when the bowstring snapped. it’s nerves. six pages left and I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING

- oh it’s, it’s over

- owh

[irondad-defensesquad]

current wips (updated!)

the mostly finished ones:

i'll send an SOS to the world - takes place during iron man 3, through uncle ben's pov. peter is devastated upon the news of tony's supposed death. uncle ben can tell how affected peter is, so he tries his best to lift peter's spirits.

if you're going to shoot somebody, shoot me! - peter gets hurt again, but tony is absolutely broken, because peter got hurt outside of patrol. the two were just hanging out when a guy tried to shoot tony, and peter took the bullet instead.

the view from halfway down - TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE. peter finally tries to end his life, but he gives up on the idea and saves himself. but he ends up halfway down the bridge, and he calls tony for help, fearing his mentor is going to get angry.

you’re all i need to get by - sickfic in which tony gets sick and peter looks after him. eventually, peter kisses tony's forehead without realizing. THIS IS NOT SHIPPY, ISTG

untitled - TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF-HARM. morgan sees peter's cuts and tries her best to help. eventually she tells tony that peter is hurt.

the rest:

we didn't start the fire, chapter 2 - miles wakes up at an unfamiliar place, but he realizes he's not actually in danger. tony tries to figure out who was the boy that left miles there. basically a spider-verse x mcu crossover where tony is still alive, but he doesn't remember peter.

and i say to myself, what a wonderful world - short fic that takes place before peter travels to europe in ffh. but here tony is alive and he doesn’t want to stay away from peter after the last five years. it's more light-hearted than it sounds, trust me. inspired by the ending of finding nemo :)

i need some sleep - tony finds peter wearing the spider-man suit late at night, but he finds out that the kid isn’t fighting anyone. peter is just talking to karen, and tony learns a lot more about him.

and then you’re left in the dust - a sequel to kid arachnid, part of the miles in the mcu series, in which mcu!miles meets peter and tony, and he eventually gets spider-powers. tony starts mentoring him before the events of endgame. suddenly, one day, miles’ father, who was dusted, returns as if nothing happened. miles later finds out peter and everyone else is back once he visits tony.

untitled - sequel to and the void stares back. after tony adopts tony jr., a black cat, peter brings an orange kitten home. much to his and tony's surprise, junior quickly adopts the kitten. shenanigans ensue.

p.s. say edith - another mcu x spider-verse crossover! miles graduates from school and all his spider-friends attend. peter shows up wearing cool glasses miles has never seen before. sadly, tony is dead in this one.

turn the lights off, carry me home - peter has an anxiety attack, and ned does his best to help. since they can't get aunt may, ned suggests they call tony. peter is against that, mostly bc he knows tony would pick him up and help him out. peter just hates getting in the way.

unsure about these:

i've become so numb (title might be changed) - peter is working in the lab while tony is out, when (alive) howard stark enters without anyone's permission. howard is clearly a dick to peter, but the kid is furious when the man insults tony and all his hard work. peter won't stand for that. i'm a little concerned this one might be too similar to you keep me searching for a heart of gold...

dad sneeze (title might be changed) - based on a post by @/fotibrit, peter never understood what was so funny about dad sneezes, until he hears tony sneeze incredibly loud. it's just fluff.

[beautifultimetravelvoid]

The Book Thief

Time: 12:34 AM

End time: 1:16 AM

Starting page: 481

So, Rudy's going psycho

"Tell me, Rosa, how she can sit there ready to die while I still want to live. Why do I want to live? I shouldn't want to, but I do"

Who's gonna die?

wait, Liesel's going soon?

FUCK NO

THAT CAN'T JUST HAPPEN SO CASUALLY

ALL OF THEM GONE IN ONE LINE

SO NOT OK

dear best friend who recommended this to me, I'm going to kill you

HOLY SHIT

so Max is alive?

MICHEAL

"He killed himself for wanting to live"

Does the book exist?

his goodbye is breaking my heart

MAX

istg if anyone else dies in this book I'm giving up on everything

rudy?????????

"She was saying goodbye and she didn't even know it"

NO

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING

SHE LOVES HIM

she deserves the best life

MAX

"I am haunted by humans"

HOLY SHIT. I was not expecting to be emotionally attacked today. I thought everyone was overselling how sad it was. I don't cry at things but this had me in the state of laughing because I'm dying inside and my body won't let me cry. The tears will come soon, but not now.

[saintobio]

Hey saint!! Ive been a huge huge fan of ur writing since SN ( and i cant believe i got to message you!) and i am so so so freaking invested in this story ❤️

Chap 10 was so painfully good i woke up with puffy eyes and a headache

I have a question tho (its okay if you wont answer hehe), when will yn’s pain end? 🥲

i love love how you write angst so much that I salute yn for being so strong but idk if her heart can still take all those hurt that I believe she’ll have a heart attack any time soon KAKSKSKKSKDKEKS yn & satoru needs to sit down for once and talk eye to eye bc the miscommunication and bad timing is hurting them both. The part where yn started to ask for divine help broke me bc i know shit will go down for real and maybe itll be the last straw before something bad happens to her that her toru will realize that shes still the one :(((

Istg satoru, you and your jealous and petty ass will come for you one day. If you decide on another major stupid and impulsive decision, i hope your bed is hard and gives u massive back pain.

Thank you thank you for ur hard work saint! I am the happiest person when you decided to update SY again and I am always looking forward to your writings ❤️ I hope you get to rest well too! writing is never an easy task, and for you to deliver such a masterpiece surely took a lot of physical and mental energy. Tysm for giving us SY and thank you so much for giving us the best always 🥹✨

thanks so so much for reading!! i’m happy you’re able to share the excitement and pain of reading sy with me 🥹 i think that’s what we’re all here for anyway? the angst? hahshah and in saying that, yn’s pain will not end as soon as we think. but she’s really one heck of a strong person to be able to handle all that pain. i can neverrrr, so i understand why u guys want the best for her. i do too :’)

gojoyn’s miscommunication will start to settle soon. in the meantime, thanks again for leaving a message <3 i appreciate it a lot !!

[withleeknow]

BWHAHAH have I seen that video- [ofc i have. multiple times. it's saved somewhere. the way he waited for her to hold his hand.] a really (un)important update: the peach-strawberry sorbet hair? it's grown on me sm it's acc on par w/ his hot-girl-redhair e.g. tinyurl.com/ycxezc6r the caption is so real (like I read it and thought, ah yes, this was written by/for jen/🍙) + his pseudo-aussie accent- good lord

lmao what sort of r:u album update was that- this was you are stupidly endearing, you noob 🥺😭 onigiri to the rescue: the ebay listing's here and the jay option is still in stock! ❤️‍🔥🐈‍⬛ tinyurl.com/mr3jmud8 [side note: shipping was free + to the UK, took <2 weeks w/ full door-to-door tracking - not sponsored, just a very happy onigiri + yo we'll have matching albums 🥺🧸]

oooh my friend recently bought the same chloe + it smells ✨️ divine ✨️ lmao the fainting's relatable bc i'm in my penhaligon's/aesop phase rn and I need an intervention bc I recently sampled armani's thé yulong + I can't stop thinking abt her 🫡

i haven't caught up with skz's jjam promos but what the hell is this gif-worthy clip: tinyurl.com/yc77n2ps the wavy hair? the accessories? the smirk? f-me he's insane. speaking of- the snippet. is that supposed to tide me over? on a flipping cliffhanger? he stays. tell me he stays over. istg jen you've created a monster out of me.

in honour of your discovery of blonde 🐈‍⬛, my fyp also gave me this masterpiece vm.tiktok.com/ZGecE7sDR/

made the mistake of opening that video on my big monitor at work and almost had a heart attack. the red hair will always be supreme to me but this peach era is a close second methinks... i fear i might be falling down another heeseung rabbit hole aksdksjfhds

i swear the employees there must've thought i was a weirdo bc i was holding the album and squinting to spy the non-existent dashes and then going to stand in front of the fan by the door to crosscheck with the instruction video on my phone (it was hot as balls and the store has awful ventilation) lmao. i ended up just getting the inceptio ver !! pulls under the cut !! i think i’ll def get a jay ver as well when i go to asia in 3 months just bc it’d be cheaper there 🤣

ohhh penhaligon’s packaging 😭 if you’re looking for an intervention you’ve come to the wrong place bc i am an enabler you should get one, no time like the present 💕 thé yulong !! i’m excited to try her heheheh guess we know what i’ll be on the hunt for on my lunch break tomorrow lol

i am personally victimized by this. i think this is the one of the worst things he’s ever done to me. the pretty curls with the smirk !!! i’m going to yeet myself out the window bye. honestly everything that has to do with ate era!mimo is giving this vibe lmao i can’t explain it 🤣

speaking of wt, does he stay? what’s the occasion? would she let himssst? 🤭

did i know that i probably shouldn’t open this video at werk either after the first one? yes. did i open it anyway? also yes. i’ve got one foot in each rabbit hole and idek which one to fall into anymore. this is looking like another love triangle

anywhomst, ze pulls !! i did not know what i’d be getting with this album at all and ngl right after i left the store i said out loud to myself “what am i doing with an enhypen album” but when i got home and opened her up, this woman was left speechless !! SHE’S BEAUTIFUL 😭 it’s so cute i LOVE this concept 😭 the photobook is one of the prettiest ones i’ve ever seen 😭 the stickers are so adorable i had to put them on my new tissue box !!! the pc’s and the postcard 😭 ADORABLE i love her sm

[commanderquinn]

Good Space Chapter 3: Hey Gringo

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

—

master list / ao3 chapter link

—

warnings: ayyy!! none this time!! unless you wanna count Highly Disrespectful Thoughts ❤️ tho!!! the flashbacks are shuri, heads up for anyone who is a big baby (like me) and still crying over WF. also (shocker) bucko angst/panic attacks

song: it KALEO time!! istg there are golden oldies and hippie classics on this intended playlist, we just havent gotten to them yet. this choice is mega self-indulgent on my end ngl, buuuuut thats the whole fic in general lbr (side note: every time i write Angy Ava, i want you to imagine the vocal intensity of jefferson airplane’s lead singer, grace slick)

the timing of this chapter could NOT have been better with the probably-russian hackers knocking out ao3 that long. i mean it dude, im pretty sure the universe had a good chuckle over this one bc i sure as shit had to sit here and go “youre pullin my leg bud”

also now feels like a good time to mention, for absolutely no reason in particular (definitely not bc of Bucky being a Huge Simp this chapter), that i hc bucky as a dom with service top leanings. i just didnt wanna give the impression that reader is dom for this and accidentally get anyones hopes up with no payoff. i try to avoid that as much as i can bc god knows i drop Big Honkers on y’all every damn chapter, id hate for you to get all the way to the end of this and not get your cookie, y’know? (i am, ofc, down to write mega sub bucky for smut-shot requests)

also remember when i mentioned giving ava a HANDFUL of physical details for writing fuel? 🌝 (ur gonna think im funny rlly soon, dw)

anyways if you dont have adhd, good luck and god speed with the idiots thinkin abt each other in this chapter ❤️ im so sorry in advance 🥺😔

—

Febuary 17th, 2015

"Good morning, Sh—"

"Have you left your worthless husband yet?" Shuri impatiently taps a finger against her elbow, where her arms are crossed over her chest. 

She watches Ava sigh on the other end of the vidcall. The woman looks too tired. She needs rest. Shuri wants to stab Alec all over again. She's going to make a new, self-lacing, possibly electrified dagger just for the occasion. "I know you're just trying to—"

"We can come to get you. I will send T'Challa. You must promise me that you will have him get me something from Washington." Shuri raises a stern finger, pointing it directly at the camera. "Do not let him pick it out himself—"

"Shuri, honey, I love you with all my heart, but please—"

"I want you to pick it. The furniture in your office is ridiculous; I want something like that."

A smile far too small pulls at the corners of Ava's lips. Her smile used to move freely, and it will do so again if Shuri has any say in the matter. Which she does. "Well, thank you, I work very hard to keep it ridiculous. Now—"

"It will make me think of you whenever you are not around to make fun of my brother with me. My mother will get the lawyers you need to start your divorce—"

"I—sweetheart, please, it's been a very long night—"

"It is the afternoon where you are. You have not even had breakfast, have you? Of course not. You are busy doing the work while Alec—"

"Shuri!" Ava puts a hand over her eyes and takes an unsteady breath in. "I'm sorry. This is—it's been a long night. I didn't mean to yell at you—"

"You need to start yelling much more, Ava. Aim it at your worthless husband while you tell him you are leaving," Shuri argues, entirely fed up with how the doctor allows the spineless dickhead to make her miserable. "T'challa will remove him for you while you stay here with us."

Alec—she refuses to call him Ryder; the man does not deserve to have taken the doctor's name—leans into the camera view, his expression bored. Dismissive. Shuri wants to smash his wrinkling, greasy face in with her fist. "While I appreciate the offer, your majesty, my wife and I can handle our private life alone."

Shuri glares back at him, one of her eyebrows hiked as far up as she can comfortably get it. "Do you really think being aware of your presence on this call will deter me from reminding my friend that you are a demon?" She looks pointedly at Ava, who's still covering her eyes. "He is a demon. A pasty, rude demon."

"Alec is going to shut the fuck up now, I promise." The fingers over Ava's eyes pull in until she's pinching the bridge of her nose tightly. She looks as if she's fighting off a migraine. She probably is. And it is Alec's fault. "That way, we can get this over with, and I can finally get some sleep—"

"Which you need and are not getting enough of." The words slip out before Shuri can stop them. 

Ava's shoulders deflate slightly. Her hand drops, and she attempts another smile that doesn't reach her eyes, making Shuri feel a pang of guilt. "No, I'm not. But I will, just as soon as we finish the basic adaptation matrix. I promise."

Ava always encourages her to speak her mind, no matter what. Sometimes it gets her into trouble. She is not looking to berate her favorite Canadian; she loves leaving the vidcomm between their labs on. The open connection is a comforting window into the outside, one that lets Shrui indulge in any question or raving that passes through her mind. 

Alec is a poison in her friend's life, and Shuri will not back down from reminding her of that. But mother and Nakia have sat with her over this, explaining that sometimes, an abused heart will cling to what hurts it. They have to be supportive while Ava works through this. She's getting there. Just not nearly fast enough for Shuri's patience.

Father has been reminding them all that Alec is a risk, given what he knows. Trusting Ava means trusting her for the duration, and they can't go back now. If she says she is handling the issue of separating the man from her work, they have to allow her room to do that. But T'Challa has been ordered to keep close, or at the very least, ready to go.

As much as she despises Alec, Shuri does not wish to see Ava hurt in this. Not any more than necessary. She is also not interested in trying to control her friend the way her mother sometimes tries to control her. It is infuriating. 

So, taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, she lets some of the fight leave her. For the sake of Ava, not the pasty demon. "I have the latest build ready for transfer." 

"You're sure you've secured the connection on your end?" Alec has the audacity to question, even outside of the frame. "I'm not interested in spending my week chasing traces of this—"

"Do I look as if I will hesitate to strike you, colonizer?!"

—

"I'm just saying, Humpty Dumpty."

"Fuck off," Bucky wheezes at the billionaire, compressing the towel he grabbed from his new medkit against his ribs. Why he expected to make it through his first mission back without having to crack it open, he's not entirely sure now that he's sitting in the hindsight. Getting shot today was, if he's honest with himself, entirely predictable. It's his luck, after all. 

"We let you out of the house again for five minutes, and you've already broken yourself." Tony shakes his head as he tsk's, making Bucky roll his eyes lazily. "What's Ryder going to think? If you keep this up, you'll give the woman a complex about draining your mojo."

"She's going to think I throw myself in front of armor-piercing rounds for idiots that don't notice when they're being shot at." The mention of Ava brings the doctor's smiling face to the forefront of his mind. Bucky leans back against the Quinjet's co-pilot seat, letting his eyes fall closed. 

He could take care of this latest injury himself. That's what he usually does. Thanks to the serum, all he has to do is keep the wound clean for a few hours while his body stitches itself back together. Nothing's broken, and he'd be in much more pain if anything were punctured. Hell, he'd probably be dead already. The fix for this is so easy it'll practically handle itself.

"You always get so cranky after you've played the hero." He hears Tony kick his feet up on the Quinjet's main controls. "Take a breather. Maybe a bow or two. Believe it or not, it's possible to accept a compliment now and then."

"Grandstand more often, got it."

Ava's probably going to hear about today's incident now that Bucky thinks about it. If anything, Steve's going to make sure of it. He doubts she'd guilt him for not being comfortable with an optional trip to medical. They've been having more conversations about boundaries and comfort, and she's been unwaveringly supportive of him moving at his own pace. 

"You don't have to grandstand, you gigantic baby," Natasha chides from between the chairs. Her hand smacks against his shoulder, making Bucky grunt softly. "A whole new world is going to open up for you when you relearn to accept praise."

Tony snorts, long and loud. "Has he reached that stage of modern education yet?"

"I reached that stage of education before you were born, Stark." Bucky's not territorial over his reputation anymore; those days are long since passed. The grand majority of his mojo got left in the 40s. He's just tired of Tony's shit. That's all it is.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Ava might feel bad that he didn't come to her for something like this. He doesn't... want that. He doesn't want her thinking that he doesn't welcome her help or that he doesn't trust it. He... he does. He doesn't just appreciate having the option; he enjoys it. The new routine is a breeze, and his neck feels better than it ever has. At least that he can remember.

"I'm confused," Tony mumbles around a mouthful of snacks. The man never stops eating. "Are we talking about your no-no years, or did you and Rogers hit up underground bars before Germany?"

"I know all his secrets from the vanilla days; they never went to any of the fun ones," Natasha confirms. It's not like Bucky was going to take the verbal bait anyways. Steve still falls for it regularly. 

"I like how you don't deny having the rest of the answer; I feel like it tells me all I can tolerate about the icicles when it comes to this. That's my favorite part about you, Romanoff. You know when I don't need to know, you know?"

His dumbass friends might as well be background noise with Bucky's mind this firmly in the memory of Ava's office. She's been so good to him, especially over this last week while she pushed through all the red tape for him. He'd been expecting it to take an eternity of hounding Steve all by his lonesome, but she got him back in the field in under two weeks. His best friend had actually been kind of pissy about it behind closed doors. For Bucky, it was like getting sprinkles on top of his cake. 

He's been thinking about getting flowers delivered to her lab for the trouble. It feels like too much whenever his thumb hovers over the confirmation button. He's reached the part of staring at the order details four times.

"I'm pretty sure your country doesn't appreciate it as much as you do. They tend to fight cold wars over it."

"Well, yeah, but our country—you see what I did there? That was a pretty funny communism joke. And it works as a reminder for both of us that you're actually an American citizen these days; isn't that wild? Back to the point here, our country fights wars over stuff we do ourselves all the time, so that doesn't feel like a fair reason to dismiss our friendship."

The doctor's forcing him to expand his music library. Her taste there is as scattered as her taste in movies, but she's got some leading themes he's been able to pin down. The 60s and 70s are huge for her, expectedly, and she's got a lot of nostalgia over the 90s. Paige keeps her versed in all things pop, folk, and country, according to her. 

"If I start referring to the US as my country, you people will expect me to do things like register to vote. Or put up wallpaper."

"I don't think anyone's expecting you to be legally allowed to do that. The voting thing, not the wallpaper. In most states. For multiple reasons. Although, the wallpaper might be a good call."

Ava invited him to their absurdly large archive of playlists during his second session. The ones Paige curates are nothing but insanity. Not one of them makes a lick of sense. Bucky decided that he should have expected that, given her Energizer Bunny reputation. Ava's are less scattered; more organized. Soothing for his mind to digest. He's been using them as workout music ever since. And driving music. And general background noise. 

"I don't think I'd know where to start buying wallpaper. Do you even want me putting that shit on your expensive building?"

"Not really, but the idea of walking in on you rolling paste on the living room walls is worth anything it could take to fix them later."

God, she's funny, too. He could listen to the woman's awful, soul-crushing puns and subsequent cackling for hours. He'll never say that to her face, not for as long as he lives, but they've made him feel lighter every morning that he's gone to let her work him over. He's already stolen two of them to torture Sam with. Another thing he's not going to tell her.

"Maybe I should start smaller. Bruce keeps suggesting a car that has legal registration."

"Heeey, that could work. You'll be signing up for mailing lists and bitching about state tax in no time. You know what?" He hears Tony snap his fingers. "We should get you a houseplant. Work you up to having a fish or something."

Alright. Maybe he'll go to Ava. He doesn't want her to think he's trying to blow off her expertise again. Or that he's avoiding her. He's not; he really does like hanging out in her office. Even if it's technically a medical appointment. He's a lot more eager to visit her than his therapists, that's for sure.

"I am not paying taxes," Natasha scoffs. "If you think I'm tying a legal address to my name, you're out of your fucking mind. Moreso than usual."

"You don't think you'd enjoy having a cave to lurk in?"

"What makes you think I don't have one already?"

"I'm talking about a real house, not a safe house."

This injury isn't related to his cybernetics. It's his ribs, well below any of his implants. He's not entirely out of the loop when it comes to what doctors have to do to get their licenses. She no doubt had to pull a lot of hard hours during her residency. Maybe she doesn't want to patch up the tower's notorious grouch every time he takes a hit. But he doubts she'd ever be impolite enough to refuse him walking in.

"I have my space here: bathroom, laundry room, small kitchen. If I haven't bothered decorating that, what makes you think I'll want to do it for an entire house?"

"Aww, come on. Look at Ryder! She's having all kinds of fun making her place as obnoxious as possible. That could be you after a few online shopping sprees."

Bucky's eyes open slowly, his brows drawing in when the second verbal mention of Ava pulls parts of his attention back to the conversation. 

Fuck, not going to medical still leaves the option of her taking offense. Okay. Alright. So, he'll split the difference and go to emergency intake. He's pretty sure she's listed as his surgical contact in the tower now—he can't stomach looking at his own medical file, not even the written records. Any injury this big will get flagged for trauma support, and she'll be notified. Then it's up to her what she wants to do. That feels like a good compromise.

"She's doing that to reclaim it from Alec; that's different. I don't have the same motivation. For me, it's just going to be extra work.

"Who's Alec?" Bucky asks without thinking. If the universe doesn't hate him today, Natasha's just going to assume he's being his usual kind of paranoid.

"She hasn't mentioned him?" Tony sounds surprised. "Alec's her ex-husband."

Ex-husband? She was married? And she's not anymore, meaning she might be—

He shuts down that train of thought immediately. 

Reclaiming the space of her house implies they lived in it long enough to form some heavy memories. She hasn't mentioned having a kid, and she strikes him as the type to bring up something like that pretty fast. So it was just the two of them, most likely.

"People usually don't like talking about the egocentric sack of shit they used to coexist with," Natasha points out. Of course, she already knows about the doctor's history. It's her.

"Bad divorce?" he prods, trying not to sound overly invested in the answer. These assholes will take it as an invitation.

"Oh, the worst," Tony confirms. "Shithead tried fighting her on it tooth and nail. She had to borrow my legal team just to get the guy to fuck off and leave her alone. He even kept her surname after the divorce; can you believe that?"

An uneasy feeling starts to rise in his gut, making Bucky look over at him. Then up at Natasha. "What kind of won't leave her alone are we talking about?"

"Down, fido, my lawyers took care of it. There's no need to start tailing him. Aside from being a self-absorbed asshole that insists they'll," Tony's voice turns scornful as his fingers form air quotes, "work things out with time, he's toothless." 

"She's got concealed carry permits she earned properly if that makes you feel better," Natasha offers up. The thought does help ease the tension building in him. 

He won't read Ava's file, no matter how bad the buzzing gets. But he might check in with JARVIS about her home security. He's noticed her name on the system logs. She, or at least her house, is linked to SHIELD's network despite her general distrust of the organization. He understands the opposing priorities completely.

He caved and read Wyatt's file two nights ago. The buzzing had been building since Ava mentioned him wanting an autograph, and it finally got to be too much. Nothing's lurking there aside from an impressive list of historians from all the fuck over Georgia and Alabama. The kid's got more family than some towns have population. 

Bucky leans forward with a muted groan to change the autopilot's intended LZ of the Avenger's balcony to the entrance hanger for medical. If he's going to grit his teeth through the antiseptic over a couple small holes, he's damn sure not going to haul his ass through half the tower while his ribs leak. His patience has limits, and that's pretty fucking far over the starting line. 

Tony looks over at him with a deep, suspicious frown. Bucky frowns at him right back with the same level of scrutiny. He can feel Natasha staring a hole into the side of his head, even if he can't catch her in his peripherals. He hates both of them with a passion at the moment. He knows what's about to happen—

"Did you just… prioritize your own health," Tony questions like he's baffled by the very idea. His whole upper body turns in the seat as he looks up at Natasha excitedly. "Oh my god. He's doing it. All by himself." He raises a hand to his chest and looks back at Bucky. "They grow up so fast."

It's good that the autopilot is on. If it weren't, Bucky would be tempted to crash them out of spite, mostly because he's sure he'd survive it. "Very funny."

"All it took was a hippie that gives him candy," Natash adds, her voice dripping with smugness. "Who knew."

"Both of you can fuck off." Bucky doesn't like how close she just got to his primary motivation on the first try. Old habits die hard, et cetera. And he hates that he can't tell if she was trying to guess. If he's lucky, which he isn't, she was just making fun of him.

Natasha knows about his visits to the florist's website; he's fucking convinced of it now. He doesn't know how, and he can't outright call her on it. If he does, he could fuck up and make himself right. There is nothing worse than having the Black Widow as metaphorical family. Not even Steve's hovering.

She and Tony harass him for the remainder of the flight. It's not long, mercifully, and he's starting to regret not grabbing something for the doctor. They were in Montreal, of all places, so it would have been fitting. He figures she'll understand once he shows her his side. The train of thought makes him wonder what part of Canada she's originally from. She hasn't brought it up.

His foot is already bouncing by the time he reaches the elevator. He's still got the surgical towel shoved tightly against his ribs. He hopes she gets there fast if she ends up taking the call. The last thing he wants to do right now is sit around in the burn of antiseptic and bleach while he fights off the urge to bolt. 

This is good, Bucky reminds himself as he takes his first few steps into medical. He's sat through plenty of trips to emergency intake. He can handle walking into his first optional one. It's a non-issue. Completely.

When JARVIS informs him that his file and general vital scan have been submitted for intake, the buzzing gets so intense that he almost leaves. The pace of his sergeant walk, as Sam likes to designate it, slows to a crawl. Then he thinks about a doctor with concealed carry permits. One that lets her house be monitored by a government organization she's actively pushing herself to trust. All in an effort to contribute something good to the world. The buzzing eases, and he picks up his pace, headed for the solo observation room JARVIS listed for him.

There's no moment of standing involuntarily from nerves this time. He doesn't have to force himself to sit back down and wait, even though the room smells wrong. His skin is crawling, and he wants nothing more than to put a throwing knife in his hand like a goddamn security blanket. But he doesn't panic. He doesn't try leaving.

Baby steps.

When the door opens, it's devastating. There's no diminutive hippie with UFO-sized glasses smiling at him on the other side of it. It's a guy in a plain white lab coat without artistic stitching, one that Bucky's never met before in his life. He's already squinting down at a tablet, meaning this will be his doctor for the duration.

This was the worst plan he could have possibly conceived. The universe is humbling him for thinking he could get away with something like this without some kind of suffering. He just wanted to make up for being dismissive of her help initially. Now he gets to sit through this. How fucking grand.

"Barnes?" The doctor that's not Bucky's doctor looks up, his heart rate elevating by a few notches. He's putting in a lot of effort to look confident. It's not exactly working. "I'm Dr. Erickson. I'm guessing you're here for the bullet wounds JARVIS detected?"

"Yup." Bucky's not about to volunteer for small talk at the moment. It's a miracle he hasn't jumped off the biobed yet. "Where's Ryder?"

"Your primary is in a staff meeting at the moment." Erickson puts his tablet down on the supply cabinet's main counter. He's already starting to gather what he needs, leaving Bucky to figure out real quick if he's actually willing to do this. "Don't worry; I'll get you sewn up and on your way in no time."

He doesn't want it getting back to Ava that he bailed the moment she couldn't show up. He doesn't want to leave her with the impression that he's only going to take on medical care if it's her; that's not anywhere near fair. The woman is a brain surgeon, not his private physician. He can grow the fuck up and accept help from people that haven't gone through his gauntlet of verification.

"Great," he pushes out, lifting the side of his undershirt to offer an unobstructed view.

It's not great; it's fucking horrendous. The first touch of the new doctor makes the overly physical memory of the buzzing build so high, he can feel it in his teeth. They're not actually rattling in his jaw the way they did back then, he knows that, but it doesn't matter because his body is screaming at him that it's happening.

The first stitch going through his skin makes him want to put his fingers through the doctor's eye sockets. His mind goes over all the ways he can violently put at least ten feet between them without having to get up. Looking back, it's probably good he didn't reach for the throwing knives. He's not unhinged enough to stab someone unprovoked; he's better than that. But they'd have been distracting to his impulse control, that's for sure.

Dr. Handsy is pulling the first suture in tight when the door to the observation room opens again. Bucky doesn't look up, his eyes locked on a random point on the far wall while he focuses on his breathing. He only looks over when a billowing, maroon pant leg enters his peripheral.

Thanks to a bunch of dead Nazi scientists that used to hide out in the mountains of Russia, Bucky Barnes has a trigger in his brain that is entirely out of his control. One that, when activated by his own interest, lets him process his surroundings in a sliver of the time that it should for a human mind. It is exceptionally helpful in the field. 

Watching Ava Ryder walk in, wearing a suede jumpsuit that mercilessly frames her curves, proves to him that having it in the 30s would have gotten him shot by someone's father. Definitely before he left Brooklyn. Or before he got chased out by several fathers banding together with baseball bats. In the time it takes her hand to come off the door handle and make its way to her hip, his mind goes on one hell of a fucking journey.

He already had more than a vague idea of the shape of her before now; he can't help it. Comes with the territory of doing threat assessment for a living. God knows his eyes have slipped down to her chest on a shameful amount of occasions. Her tits are being held up and pushed together fucking beautifully at the moment. Typically, that would hold all of his attention.

But this is the first unobstructed view of her that he's gotten, thanks to the lab coat being nowhere in sight, and good fucking god. Holy fucking shit. Godfuckingdamn.

She's half turned from him at this angle, so he's only getting a side view. That's more than enough to show off an obscenely rounded ass and the cushy thighs it rests on that are going to haunt his fucking dreams. It's bigger than his hands by a margin that's outright glorious. The mental image of his fingers digging into it, of how it would make her skin dip under the pressure, makes his blood race.

He can't spot the outline of any underwear at first. Then her hand makes contact with the jumpsuit, and his eyes pick up on it. Right there, above the top of her finger, pulled up high over her hipbone. There's a thin band leaving an impression in the fabric. An extraordinarily thin band. There is nothing else in sight.

Pulled between Ava's legs, right at this very moment in time, is a strip of fabric that Bucky's tongue would fit against perfectly. Right under that is a taste he's been catching himself wondering about for two weeks now. One good, long drag of his nose. That's all it would take to push in whatever she's picked out for the day and soak it with that taste. He could get it back out from between her lips with his tongue, pull it to the side with his teeth to give himself room to feast—

Bucky tries to shift his weight as nonchalantly as possible while his brain slows back down. The comeback from tactical analysis is always jarring, with this one being especially so. 

He's the worst kind of bastard. An awful, selfish, perverted sonofabitch. There's not shit he can do to change that. How unfortunate.

"David," Ava greets, the name coming out as tense as the closed smile plastered on her face. "You can put that down."

The other doctor doesn't look up from the work his hands are doing. "That you, Ava? I heard you were—"

"Now."

Bucky's back straightens up as David looks at her nervously, taken aback. Bucky doesn't blame him; he didn't know her voice could get that forceful.

David sort of laughs, which feels like the worst possible choice to Bucky. But, hey, not his call. "What, do you want me to just—"

"I want your hands off my patient right now. I'm not asking." She watches with unwavering intensity as the other doctor lets the needle and thread drop from his hands. She visibly bristles at the patronizing expression on David's face, her head tilting aggressively. Bucky kind of wants to watch her hit him. "I'll be back in less than a minute, sergeant. I need a word outside with Dr. Erikson."

"Take your time," Bucky assures, the tension bleeding out of him already. His ribs are leaking, and there's a piece of doctor floss looped through his skin that he's going to have to cut out of himself tomorrow morning. The immoral evaluation of her outfit that his head threw at him is going to eat him alive. Forever. Especially when he's trying to fall asleep for the foreseeable future. 

All things considered, though, he feels fan-fucking-tastic.

David still looks somewhat shell-shocked, and there's real insult starting to creep into his posture, but the guy doesn't argue. He follows Ava back out of the room, not bothering with a goodbye in Bucky's direction. When the door closes behind them, his super hearing picks up on Ava reaming David about prioritizing patients before ego. She goes into detail about the deep shit he'll be in with her if he keeps ignoring her written orders, long before it ever gets him fired. She tacks on why her anger should scare him a hell of a lot more than the idea of that. Then she instructs him to keep his damn hands off her patients and get back to the intake desk. 

The protective streak makes Bucky's chest feel warm, a half-smile pulling at his lips. She's a handful, alright. One he'd give anything to be brave enough to send flowers to.

Ava is calm, cool, and collected when she leans back in through the doorframe, hanging off it with a soft smile. "Hiya, stranger. I hear you picked a fight in my motherland today."

"I hear it has an arms dealer problem. I wanted to see if I could help." He gestures down at the needle swinging from his ribs without looking at it. "Not all Canadians are as welcoming as you, turns out."

"Eh?" she fires back, hamming up the accent. "Wellll, I'm not about to let a few cranky arms dealers tarnish our reputation. What do you say you push that bandage against your new bragging rights, and we head for my office?"

Licking his bottom lip nervously, he tries to give her a confident smile. "You were busy with something."

"Not too busy for my favorite popsicle." One eyebrow raises sternly. "You are not allowed to tell Steve I'm playing favorites." God, she's cute when she tries to deflect. It's never worked. At least not on him.

"That's—" Shit, where to even find the fucking words for her. "You don't have to do this. Go out of your way like this. I don't mind getting patched up by random medics. Comes with the job."

Her smile turns impish. "That's cool and all, but I mind when people ignore basic ethics just to have a story about stitching up an Avenger. If you need to tell yourself I'm using you as fuel for a workplace pissing contest, go for it. Whatever gets you off that biobed." She leans back, leaving the door open wide behind her. "Come on; I can't stand the way they organize these damn shelves. I wouldn't patch you up in here even if you did pay me. Next time, head for my office first."

Bucky does as she ordered, pushing the surgical towel she packed for him against his side, not minding the sting in the least. He swallows down the point that, by every definition there is, he's not an Avenger. "I'll follow you, doc."

—

"Alright," Wyatt plops his hands down on the glass of the holo, his expression determined. His tight curls bounce with the motion, making their resident gumdrop look adorable, even through the discomfort. "Let's get to dissectin' this cacophony. All in one go, preferably, so I don't feel like yackin' up my lunch two days runnin'."

Ava's head tilts sympathetically. "Oh, honey, tell me you didn't—"

His hand comes up, with his index finger pointed to the ceiling. "Nope. But I got close a couple'a times thinkin' about this." He mutters several things under his breath about creepy Nazi bastards while he pulls up the raw data from Bucky's implants. "All the more reason to get it the hell over with."

"A whole day of digging through coded war crimes," Hannah deadpans quietly, raising a steaming mug to her lips. "I'm glad we get the fun assignments."

"You'd ditch us if we didn't," Ava jokes. She scrolls through the sergeant's file absentmindedly on her tablet, reviewing the vitals added just a few hours ago. He actually came to medical. For something as minor as a field injury. Of his own volition.

"Mmm. I don't know. It's pretty fun watching a brain move like Jell-O. You might have been able to convince me to stick around just for that."

SHIELD's primary system makes a blaring noise of disagreement as Wyatt loads the main file structure. He frowns, looking over at Ava with concern. "Its askin' for administrative override."

"Heeey, that's that thing Tony says I'm not supposed to abuse. That's probably not a good sign." Ava pushes her glasses further up the bridge of her nose and leans over to get a look at the error. "JAR, I'd like some reassurance we're not about to trigger an ancient LoJack if you wouldn't mind advising here."

"There are safeguards in place for importing code with an unknown source," JARVIS reports in. The warning on the screen is dismissed, presumably by him, and a new window comes up. A log of the programming in Bucky's cybernetics going through digital quarantine loads rapidly, with line after line being highlighted in red and labeled HYDRA Suspected. "I will process them for you. One moment."

"We have to clean the Nazi code before we can beat it to death," Hannah mumbles against the rim of her mug. "I think I kind of like that."

"Please, Hannie, I'm hangin' on by the skin'a my teeth here." Scrubbing his hands over his face, Wyatt groans exhaustedly. He drags them down slowly, giving Hannah a pleading look over the tops of his fingers. "You know I'm always here for supportin' you—"

"I'm aware." The ex-marine's clipped tone makes Ava snort and look back down at her tablet. They both know stopping him now isn't going to cut off the word vomit.

Wyatt's hands thunk back down onto the glass. "I'm so proud'a ya, y'know that—" And there's the thickening of the accent.

"I know."

Ava's eyes skim over the list of everything detected in Bucky's wound, locking on the word leather in particular. Today was her first look at his work gear—she's got a feeling he doesn't call it a uniform—in person. It was hard to keep professional in front of six and a half feet of Hi, how are ya? wrapped up in that much heavy black. The sounds that his vest made when he dropped it on the coffee table— Jesus. He's got to be packing enough in there to arm a small country. 

"All's I'm sayin' is that if I have to hear about murder right now, I might actually upchu—"

"Please don't."

Ava's too scared to ask what's in the sergeant's pants for a multitude of reasons. Professionalism is lower on the list than it probably should be. It's a shame, too. He's downright hilarious when he lets himself talk. There's not a doubt in her mind that he'd come up with something unbearably good—and unwaveringly dry—in response to the loaded question.

"A'right then. We're in agreement. No bad thoughts today. We go in like—like excavators, right? With our helmets and our 'lil pickaxes, and we get what we need so we can—" The way he cuts himself off makes Ava look back up in concern. She finds the most horrified expression on Wyatt's face. "That—ah shit, that didn't come out all that right. That was mean, wannit? Insensitive. I'm not tryin' to belittle what the sergeant's been through."

"You weren't belittling anything," Ava assures, reaching out to rub his arm. "I think he'd be the first one to race you to a fossil joke about this."

"You'll tell 'im I'm takin' this serious, won't ya—"

A small chuckle escapes before she can stop it. "Wyatt, sweetheart, it's not like he heard you—"

"You take your pills today, Combs?" Hannah's calm question makes the gumdrop freeze in place. She blows on her coffee, taking a small sip. "If you say you don't remember, I'm going to—"

Wyatt snaps his fingers, his expression shifting to relief. "I didn't, and I remember why, too." He rolls his chair back with a sudden push, aiming for his desk. He reaches out before the chair finishes the trip to grab his patch-covered messenger bag. "One'a the cats got int'a my coat closet; dumbass got stuck on a shelf for reasons I'm still not real clear on." He pops open his medication bottle, tossing a pill into his mouth with a level of dexterity that makes her jealous. "The hollerin' was s'damn loud, I thought the landlord was gonna come knockin'."

"Which one was it?" Ava asks. "Not the new kitten?"

"No, no—Juno's been'a dream. It was Galileo again. I love that furry little bastard, but sometimes he can drive me nutty ." He pauses to take a swig from another glossy vacation mug. Today's is advertising a campground Ava's never heard of that's the best in the Rockies, according to the swirling font. "I got new pictures of Juno if you want 'em, though."

"Yes, please," Ava confirms happily. Holding the teacup-sized ball of fur made her whole month when he last brought Juno in. Hannah ended up hogging most of the cuddle time, but the sound of little meows filling the day had been enough to make up for it.

Wyatt pulls his phone from his back pocket and brings it around to hook up to the holo. The system dings with the sound of a successful transfer after a moment. He loads a collection of new photos, zeroing in on one of Juno clawing her way up a window curtain—

The power to the lab shuts off with a loud, electric click. Everything plunges into darkness with the privacy setting on the glass walls keeping the sun out. It comes back on before Ava can react, the building's primary system switching to the emergency power grid. She and Wyatt lock eyes in panic.

"Oooh man, boss, did I just—"

"I'm sure you didn't," Ava comforts, trying to push down her own panic. It helps that she's heard Tony rambling about the work he's put into making this place indestructible. "JAR?" 

There's no response from the AI. She trades another nervous glace with Wyatt.

"I know it was probably the Nazi shit, but I'm hoping it was the cats," Hannah says, sounding sincere. "I feel like that'll make a much better story."

"Oh my god, did I break JAR?" Wyatt looks between them frantically. "How often does he back up his servers? Did I kill'a piece'a JAR?!"

"I have not been murdered," the AI confirms after nearly a minute of being gone. "The safeguards reported a false positive regarding the programming of Sergeant Barnes' cybernetics. It has been handled."

Ava gives the hologram wall of code a warry look. "Handled by you?" There's a suspicion building in her gut around his phrasing, one that she's not planning on letting out of her teeth. 

"Mr. Stark has a protocol in place that cuts off my servers in the event of any irregular activity. Given the nature of the programming's origin, the system is designed to er on the side of caution."

"That's a really fancy way of dancing around the point, JAR." She's trying to stay civil about this. It's not an easy venture, and she's pretty sure it's not translating at all. Even she can hear the frustration in her voice. "How about we cut the shit, and you tell me what the false positive was."

"There are automated routines running for Sergeant Barnes' implants. They are not harmful; I've taken the liberty of checking them personally now that they've been cleared through quarantine. I am creating a stable update to forward to—"

"How long have they not been harmful, JARVIS?"

Hannah sits up from her relaxed position at the avoidance of their favorite nickname for the AI. Wyatt's brows pull in nervously, his eyes never leaving Ava. They both know exactly what she's digging at.

There's a long hesitation from JARVIS. Short by normal social standards but an eternity for a sentience with quantum processors. "There is not currently a risk posed within the Sergeant's—"

Ava's out of her chair and halfway to the door before he even finishes the omission. Fueled by some of the most intense rage she's ever felt in her life, she marches out on swift feet. She's going to kill him. She's going to string him up—maybe hang him off the side of the tower.

America's fucking Sweetheart, her ass. America's Doomed Liar is a lot more like it.

"Where is he," Ava nearly growls, still stalking down the halls, leaving the medical wing in a hurry. "JARVIS, I know you're still listening; you tell me where that puffed-up, hypocritical—oooh , you tell me where Rogers is right the fuck now. And then you tell me where Stark is—"

"Dr. Ryder, I know you're not inclined to believe this at the moment, but I assure you—"

"You're right; I'm not inclined to do that at all." She takes a deep breath as she passes through the front entrance, slowing herself to a stop. With genuine effort, she pushes down her anger. "I don't want to keep yelling at you. I don't like doing it in the first place. If you don't want to tell me where they are, I'll find them myself."

Ava heads for the elevator to do just that. She's not expecting a response as she pounds the side of her fist against the button for the Datacrux's floor. It's likely to be her best bet to find any of them. There's not a chance in hell that she's letting her team dedicate any more time to this until she gets some fucking explanations.

Halfway along the ride up, the light around the button goes dim. A flash of anger rises in her until she sees the one for the executive level illuminate. 

"Mr. Stark is not currently in the tower, but you will find Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes debriefing in the Situation Room," JARVIS informs her over the elevator's intercom, making the SHEILD agents around her pretend not to look over. She's tempted to ask them if it's the outfit.

"Thank you, JAR," she offers as an olive branch. Regardless of what's truly going on here, she doubts the AI is all that comfortable with the subject.

"You're welcome, Ava."

She's only been to this part of the tower once before. Tony dragged her up to the Avenger's balcony for a party after her divorce was first finalized. That's about the extent of her experience with this section. It's not hard to find her way with everything denoted like it is in the rest of the building.

The palm of her hand smacks against the door marked Situation Room, and she shoves it open aggressively. Both super soldiers, the Falcon, Black Widow, and a scattered group of SHIELD agents stare back at her in surprise. It doesn't slow her down any.

Ava points an irate finger at Steve in the uneasy silence of the room. "Unless New York just caught fire, you and I are about to have a very blunt conversation, captain."

"Hiya, doc." Bucky, unsurprisingly, is the only one in the room smiling at her while she glares daggers at Captain America. He's still in his not-uniform. There's still blood on it. The charm he's throwing her way reminds her that they won't want an audience. 

"I'm going to ask the rest of you to leave," she continues, but her eyes stay on the sergeant as her finger lowers. "I don't think you'll want to be here for this, Bucky."

"What makes you think I don't wanna watch you beat up my best friend?" He leans back in his chair, his hands coming up to rest on his stomach as his smile deepens.

"Can I stay?" Sam asks, his voice eager. It's a damn shame this is how she gets to meet him. She doubts the Falcon has any clue about unethical research.

"Come on," Natasha insists with a serene nod in Ava's direction, grabbing Sam's shirt to drag him up from his chair. "You heard her."

"I—hey!" Steve looks so insulted as he watches his friends and various coworkers abandon him with zero hesitation. "You're just gonna—I don't even know what I did!"

"Neither do I, but I am very ready to hear about it," Bucky assures Ava, not an increasingly distressed Steve.

Ava taps her foot impatiently as the room clears out, leaving her alone with the super soldiers. She ignores the nerves radiating off of one of them and focuses on the one that looks delighted. "I'm serious. This is about your case. Specifically, the work HYDRA was trying to finish."

The mirth leaves Bucky almost entirely. His posture doesn't adjust from its reclined position. "Alright. Tell me what's got you livid about it."

"Steve here made me a promise that was broken in my lab a few minutes ago."

Steve's eyebrows pull in with confusion. "Which promise? Wait—a few minutes ago—Is this about that blackout? Ava, catch me up here; what the hell is—"

"You swore to me that the intention of HYDRA—at least where Bucky's case is concerned—was to make an army of super soldiers, nothing more." She's letting him process this one step at a time. It'll make yelling at him for lying a lot easier. That, and she's honestly worried the technophobe doesn't understand the gravity of the situation.

"I—" Steve hesitates, and she watches the switch to tactical assessment come over him. It's startling to see it directed at her from a face that isn't Bucky's. "As far as I know, that was the intention."

"Yeah? You're sure about that? You're sure you're not omitting something pretty fucking important to my job, Steven?"

"JARVIS, what was the blackout?" Bucky questions at half the volume he started at when she first came in.

Ava points at the sergeant insistently. "See? I'm guessing he doesn't even know, but he's sure as hell already on the right track."

"There was an incident regarding the coding found in your implants, Sergeant Barnes. It has been handled. I have prepared an update to their systems whenever you're ready to undergo a transfer."

"As your doctor, I'm ordering it. We can go back to my office after I'm finished ripping your friend a new asshole for lying to my face." Her eyebrows lower at Bucky in indignation. She's doing this for him, but that doesn't mean she's going to let him off the hook if he knew. "We should probably figure out if I need to do the same to you before we get there."

"Hey, hang on now." Steve raises one hand, likely to try to calm her, but changes his mind and puts it back under the table. She's guessing someone's finally clued in the out-of-time man about that practice making women want to throw something. At his head. "We might not always be able to talk about classified information—something you agreed to, I might add—but I've never lied about HYDRA's intent as far as I comprehend it. I've been very careful to hold up that end of our deal."

"Let me tell you how I know, for a fact, that someone involved in this case is doing a piss-poor job of lying to me about it. Since you haven't quite figured out modern tech, I'm going to try to keep it simple." Ava points a far less aggressive, more instructing finger at Bucky's arm. "In order for that hunk of metal to work, it needs to be programmed. The hardware needs software that can tell it how to read brain signals. A few decades ago, some Nazis sat in a room and wrote a bunch of code for that software. That's what was supposed to be in Bucky's implants. That's all that was supposed to be in Bucky's implants."

"Wait—what the hell else is in them?" The flicker of fear that creeps into Bucky's expression breaks her heart. There's not a doubt in her mind that he could sell her on any lie he wants to with his mind set on it. That's the point of infiltrators like him. 

But Ava's willing to bet everything she's got in this world that the fear in him at the moment is genuine. He doesn't know. And it makes her feel awful.

"Given the size of your implants, I'm guessing not much," she tries to reassure. "We can always purge whatever is there later. However, if the code were as simple as 'read this signal, do this thing,' it wouldn't have been flagged as untouchable by Tony's security measures. The ones put in specifically to prevent JARVIS from being corrupted." She crosses her arms over her chest in exasperation, her eyes moving to one of the small security cameras on the ceiling. "Would you like to explain to the captain what kind of code it would take to accomplish that, JARVIS?"

There's another human-length moment of hesitation from the AI in response. "It would take adapting code."

"The part he's holding back—definitely because he's under orders not to break SHIELD protocol—is that something has to be driving the adaptation. There is such a thing as self-adapting code; that would absolutely explain it. If we weren't talking about something made in the 40s when HYDRA needed entire warehouses just to house a few terabytes of data." She glances over at Bucky. "While I'm sure the agents you scare the piss out of would disagree, your head isn't actually big enough to hold that much."

"You flirtin' with me to stop the panic or to apologize for not being Canadian for a minute?"

Ava blinks in surprise, the slightest hint of heat coming up the sides of her neck. That—she hadn't been—well. Steve's head turns to him, his eyebrows raising in mild shock.

Bucky clears his throat, then tries for a quiet chuckle, his eyes floating between her and the table. "Sorry—it's this damn room. Puts me in sergeant mode, makes me—let's get back to yelling at Steve."

"Thanks, asshole, I appreciate—"

"What makes you think I won't yell at you just because I'm Canadian?" Ava counters, finally recovering. "You trying to stereotype me, Barnes?"

The relief that comes off of Bucky is palpable. "I'd go for the hippie thing first if I was trying to do that."

"Didn't you sleep through the McCarthy era?"

"HYDRA gave me the long and short of it between naps."

Her hand flies up to her face to block a loud snort. Damn him, this is serious. But she's not about to begrudge him the gallows humor. She lowers it again while he smirks at her. "Do you mind? I'm trying to make an angry but valid point here."

"About a bunch of code that my head isn't big enough for," he continues for her dryly, one hand coming off his stomach to gesture up at it.

Ava sighs, the amusement from getting sidetracked by the Brooklyn heartstopper fading fast. "Not big enough by the standards of the 40s. By today's standards?" Her head tilts to the side sadly, readying herself to watch that fear in him get more substantial. "You tell me, Buck. Did the Nazis work in the mindset of single projects, or did they work in the mindset of generations that would lead a global empire?"

The words are the last piece to complete the puzzle in Bucky's mind; Ava can see it happen in his eyes. The expression of horror it yanks out of him will haunt her for the rest of her days. "Zola." 

It's said in a whisper, and Ava's not even sure what the word is. 

It takes Steve longer to reach whatever conclusion Buckys come to, and he looks resistant to the idea at first. "No, that's... no—Buck, you've been to what's left. You know what it took—"

"That's the point she's making, stupid. Look at how small everything's gotten." He stops, and Ava doesn't miss the sight of a hard swallow. "It makes sense. Think about it. It makes sense. They took care of the car until they could find an engine that fit. I was the prototype. Or—was going to be, at least."

The comparison—the one he's using on himself—is revolting. Accurate, but astoundingly revolting. She pushes past it, leaning down to tap a condescending nail on the table. "Hi, there. Still here. Still looking for some answers. What the hell is Zola?"

With Steve watching him like a hawk, Bucky breathes a long, tired sigh. "Not what. Who." 

"I can fill her in," Steve offers to him quickly. "You don't have to do this."

"Oh, I'm not doing shit. She's going to do it all." Bucky locks eyes with Ava, his expression passive. Having the Winter Soldier himself that focused in on her makes her breath catch involuntarily. "How's your Russian, doc?"

"I don't speak a word of it. Do I need to for this?"

"No, I'm sure you've got plenty of ways to translate anything you feel like reading. You should look up doveryai, no proveryai while you're at it." He leans forward, resting his arms on the table. His eyes never once move away from hers. "JARVIS, transfer a copy of my archive access to Dr. Ryder. Full permissions. And the next time she asks you a hard question, you don't have to bullshit her. Tell her to call me."

—

April 6th, 2015

"I want you to bring me with you next time."

"No."

"Is that a no because you do not agree or because you are afraid of mother?"

"Both."

Shuri frowns at the security feed, ignoring the quiet laughter she can hear coming from Nakia on the other end. "Coward."

The camera mounted on T'Challa's dashboard shakes as he turns it back to his face, his expression annoyed. "Say that to my—"

"Coward."

T'Challa rolls his eyes and turns the camera back around as Nakia laughs harder. He will be mopey now, for sure. "I am not taking you to stare at a soldier's office with us."

"Why not?"

"To start with, I refuse to be trapped in a car with you for that amount of time."

"You should be so lucky! Now, what is the real reason."

"What part of royal family do you not—"

"You get to go to these things."

"And when you leave your lab long enough to learn to use the spears of your foremothers, that privilege can extend to you."

"Okoye is always ready to teach you, Shuri," Nakia offers up diplomatically. 

"I do not need a spear to sit in a car annoying my brother," Shuri argues. They always do this to her. She is tired of it.

"You do not need to sit in a car annoying your bother at all." The moping has already started. She can hear it in T'Challa's voice.

"Fine. I will go to Ava's house and stay there while—"

"No."

Shuri slams her hands down on her desk, making the various instruments on it rattle precariously. "She is my family, too!"

There's silence on the other end in the wake of her anger. Then the camera turns again, this time by Nakia's hand. She doesn't stop the spin until it's pointed to show her and T'Challa. He does not look as annoyed anymore. He looks guilty.

Nakia gives her a sympathetic smile. "No one is trying to take that from you. We are only trying to keep you safe. We do not know how far Alec is willing to take things."

"And I am not willing to present the man with more temptations of power," T'Challa adds, the guilt on his face shifting to resignation. "It is not simply because I am afraid of our mother. I agree with her. And with our father. Alec Harlow is a man that is losing everything. That is a powerful motivator, Shuri."

"I am not afraid of that spineless demon," Shuri insists angrily. "I could handle him myself, thank you very much."

"Half the school children in Wakanda could," Nakia mocks under her breath.

She gets a stern look from T'Challa before he focuses it on Shuri. "It is not his strength we are concerned with. It is the allies he can call upon at any time. Men with strength and resources that we do not wish to deal with."

Some of the fight leaves her. Not much, but it does ebb. Her brother might be an idiot, but he is right about this. Ava would not be this afraid for no reason. She has been trying to disguise it when Nakia brings her for visits, which is how Shuri knows it is serious.

"I hate that man, brother." The word is far too inadequate. The contempt she holds for the worm who put fear in the heart of her favorite mad scientist feels immeasurable.

"As do I. As do we all." T'Challa smiles at her finally, his face softening. "I promise to bring you to hit him if he is ever arrested. That is when I will deem it safe enough."

"How many times?" she chases after quickly. "Can I bring a weapon?"

"You can bring exactly one weapon. Can you guess what it is?" The smile turns sarcastic as he reaches out and turns the camera back around to face Alec's office window. 

"I do not need a spear to break that man."

"No, you need it so I can stop being lectured by Okoye for enabling your avoidance of tradition."

"That will not help. She wishes for me to sit through her lessons. I would just bring the spear to hit him over the head with."

Nakia laughs, the sound light and soothing. "I am surprised you did not go straight for the idea of skewering him."

Tilting her head down at her desk, Shuri hesitates. She picks up the ridiculous coffee mug Ava got her, spinning it around in her hands with somber movements. 

Ava's last visit had been especially hard to stomach. The woman had looked so... empty as she talked about the start of the divorce. There had been no vengeful joy in her as she told Shuri's father she understood the gravity of the situation. No hard-won victory in her posture. There had only been grief and shame.

Shuri sighs, turning away from the screen to head for her lab's kitchen. She is going to fill the mug with one of the teas that Ava brings her. It will be a nice change from the energy drinks she has been binging. "No. I... I do not wish the man dead. I only wish to see him locked away somewhere he can never smile again."

—author end notes—

there’s one sentence in this chapter that is 14 words long (including contractions) that is the entire foundation of their incoming dom/sub and oh my g o d when i tell you that shit was cathartic to write 😫🤌 some day when this is finished, im gonna write a whole goddamn dissertation on that one sentence and all the narrative shit that tied into it in this fic so help me (YOURE ALLOWED TO GUESS BTW)

anyways, everyone is alive in wakanda bc i said so. and nakia and t’challa are really stupid uber mega important to ava’s backstory

i feel like we’ve all, as a species, Been Through Enough. you can talk my ear off abt anything, but dont talk to me abt the opening of wakanda forever i will Literally Die, i havent cried that hard over the first watch of a movie in so fucking long and i dont think im strong enough for a second. all i ever need for binging is winter soldier and black panther anyhow (FATWS is still growing on me and i only like it so far bc im a sambucky shipper. and a stucky shipper. and a 3 musketeer shipper. and a—i like making buckaroo be in love a lot. lets just. leave it at that). we can stop with the big owies thanks. let me escape to the fictional world where everyone is alive and Nothing Hurts, t h a n k s.

well. okay. some things are gonna hurt in this. probably really super bad too and youre gonna be really really mad at me when it hits. but like. theyre set up for comfort pay off so does it even really count??? i didnt think so, ty for agreeing 😌

ily 💖 tyty for reading 💞 and tyty in advance for yelling at me when i eventually hurt u ❤️🥰 i will understand, its okay, u are entitled to the emotional compensation on that one

[dickvinci]

my aunt told me that my cousin is getting married??? i thought she was 12. turns out she’s 18. and i’m still sitting here like ‘what the fuck is happening???’ and then i remembered that she’s mormon and it’s probably some dude from church and they probably been dating for a year and want to fucc.