#she went looking for information
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raven: and... uh... what about... you're just going to leave them?
summer: you're one to talk.
raven: it's... you're better at that life, better than i was.
the way that "it's..." lives in my head rent free. raven finish your thoughts. please.
#“what does she have on you?”#<- also lives in my head rent free#why did she leave in the first place#she went looking for information#and with each discovery the more terrifying the world became#the pan of camera on the map implies she found salem#''what does she have on you?''#why did she leave
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she turned out SO pretty <333
image description: a ceramic coyote with warm brown fur striped with black. It looks up, mouth open to reveal its little fangs.
#ceramics#ceramic sculpture#coyote#coyote sculpture#sold#fun fact! half of my canines trans'd their gender in the kiln#I thought of this coyote as a male until she came out of the kiln and then I took a second look and went oh! she's a she-yote now! yay!#same with the werewolf! I thought that werewolf was a ''he'' until she acquired a soul in the firing and informed me otherwise#<- my superstition that my sculptures receive a little spark of life in the firing. do I truly believe it? nah. do I SORT OF believe it? ye#it keeps things fun
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My purpose and singular mission in life is to make sure queer and/or neurodivergent kids know that sometimes it really is their parents who are stupid and other adults are on their side. This, unfortunately, does not make me popular with their parents. Gonnae keep doing it though.
#kid was very overwhelmed by the theatre environment and panicking and didnt want to see the show cause it looked scary#and the mum was trying to get me to tell the kid its not scary (no i dont lie to kids i told her there are lots of funny bits but a couple#of maybe scary bits too)#and I told her hey listen the bravest thing you can do is tell people you arent comfortable somewhere. youve done so well to do that#and i gave her a program so she can learn more and make an informed decision if she wants to come another time#and i asked her what her favourite things are and she said science and animals and i told her to try the museum its super fun#and her mum was all 'ugh shes a nightmare she's ~on the spectrum~'#and i went yeah me too. and told the kid this isnt for everyone and she did well to tell me and i hope she likes the museum#and like. her mum yelling at her was making everything worse. talking to her like a person with agency?#got her from full panic attack to actively smiling at me in under 5 minutes#sometimes your parents or guardians are in fact being stupid or rude! neurodivergent adults exist! other people see you and hear what you're#saying and won't be mad!#anyway. now IM very overwhelmed but i really hope that kid remembers this and i hope she has a great day#im going to get a coffee and sit under a tree for a while
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The submas brainworm is only getting stronger, so I have drafted a whole-ass comic for a new AU idea! One where Chandelure gets to take center stage and become the main character she was always meant to be~
The gist of the AU is that Chandelure has a ghostly soul-bond with Ingo, which essentially means that his soul is under her protection and he sorta registers as a ghost to other pokemon. Basically protects him from other ghosts trying to put their sticky paws on her trainer and also gives the two of them a bit of an empathetic connection. Not quite telepathy, but able to transmit complex feelings and lets them check how badly they're hurt.
Naturally, this means that when Giratina (who was honestly just trying to play around. They were given the tedious task of just opening rifts and looking through all those peep holes made them curious. So when they saw a soul that had a beautiful ghost bond, they became fascinated) snags Ingo and drags him through, Chandelure immediately feels when Giratina's power accidentally tries to overwhelm Ingo's soul and she absolutely loses her shit. Through psychically screaming and using her protective aura to try and bash Giratina, the distortion god acts like a dog that's done something they shouldn't and tries to hide the evidence of their messing around (Ingo getting fucked up via soul and getting not too gently dropped off a mountain).
I have more ideas, especially relating to how Emmet is taking his brother's ace losing her mind and how her actions affect the investigation, but if I keep going down these tracks I'm going to end up with another 90k WIP fic like i did with Naruto. (Though if people wanna see the AU written out...👀... I could absolutely be convinced. I'm very weak...)
#Whew...that's a lot of text for a silly WIP#but I honestly haven't drawn a comic in like 4 years so I'm actually kind of excited to finish this piece#not sure if I will do more...maybe if people have questions better answered through drawing...#poor Giratina. dude was just lonely#I kinda wanna have Chandelure have a Mystery Dungeon adventure to round up pokemon to rip through time and space with her#And of course she can't really communicate with Emmet#So his world is falling apart around him and his brother's beloved pokemon's insanity makes it seem like he's dead#oops...Chandelure please inform your trainer-in-law before the police arrest him on grounds of suspicion#aaaaand I went crazy in the tags too#oh submas boys...look what you've done to me...#submas#subway boss ingo#subway boss emmet#pokemon#my art#art wip#giratina#are there other submas/pokemon tags? I have only recently gotten into the fandom here on tumblr#Once I have a name for this AU I'll tag it
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☝🤓 What if 🤨🤔! I was back 😨🤯 after some months 😞😤😲... ahahah jokes 🧐🤣😂... unless 😳👉👈
#wren text tag#wren draws stuff#it has been a while ^_^ guess it's time to remove the dust from this blog eheh#anyway gaslighting all of you so I can pretend I didn't go on hiatus every 2 working days lol next year it will be the year I am sure 💪#I say while I'm waiting to get the appointment to have my wisdom teeth removed (as if I didn't have enough bullshit in the past few months)#did the check up some days ago and they really went “yeah. ur old. those are your wisdom teeth. we have to remove them sorry 😅😬😔💔💔”#I guess karma didn't know what else throw at me “idk make her bones annoying this time lol” so unoriginal man ugh wish I could unfollow 🙄🙄🙄#idk what else to add. Look at the drawing of my sona and wait (she's so silly omg 😖🤭🥰💖💕✨)#Speaking of ✨art✨ I have some stuff that were supposed to be posted this summer but UHM I will post them here nonetheless#imagine they were posted in time alright. I'm still working on learning how to warp the time-space continuum 🙏#and then I'll be back posting fresh cringe 🥰💖 can't wait to draw all my stupid silly little dumb angular blorbos#I also have memes to redraw with the StS characters tehehehe I'm so evil. nefarius. wicked. foul. villainous if you will#where's that emoji of the cat looking mischievous#😼😼😼#OH YEAH I also I have a bluesky. it's doodlingwren so uhmn. do what u want with this information. I'll make a decent announcement later on#there is no art for now over bsky. But you can see me blabbling abt my own forgetfulness (?)#also I changed the color theme for this blog. It's not that important but I think it's nice#logged in after some time and when I went to change my age in bio I got blinded by the light color combo 😂😭#I might do some lil changes in the next few days but so far it's good :3 the blue looks nice
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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CRIMINAL
#miss blurry#youni originals#she grabbed the packet of cat treats while no one was looking and tore a hole into it!!#she never climbs the table! yet she must've!#and not only did she bite a hole into it she also left some big scratches#so it is now confined to the fridge (due to an extreme ant calamity situation currently going on in the house)#i only noticed because she went to eat her treats when she saw me sit down for dinner#criminal. evil. she will be punished with one million years of getting picked up and carried around (she hates being picked up)#the photographer (my sister's boyfriend) informs me a similar crime happened earlier this year (with a cake as the victim)#(this photo is from a car ride which is why she looks so scared. she's scared of cars and being picked up)
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got queerbaited into reading a book by chatgpt. is this rock bottom
#liveblogging.pdf#apparently coding isn't the only thing that thing is ass at. fetching basic information is too#i mean i Wanted to read it anyway and i knew it wasnt queer before. idk why i let chatgpt gaslight me into believing i was making it up#whatever. neither the main character nor her best friend are textually queer or in love with each other. they're both pretty boy crazy tbh#but the mc is giving big aro vibes. like she's so done with her best friend every time she starts talking about men or crushes#also her crush on this guy is giving extremely platonic im not biased i swear#she just throws herself at him because she thinks itd be cool to date her besties crushs bff#so she could feel normal like her#they do have a cute friendship though. mc and the guy. also they start dating like 2 seconds after her bff dies so it's not really romantic#also theres a very cool lesbian who gets more pagetime than the guy and whos friendship with mc is super angsty so#w#its a really good book ok i just went in with really wrong expectations#like a sapphic hiaylm#but every day i grow closer to the great truth of my life that sapphic hiaylm will never exist#and i should stop looking for it and find the beauty in things for their originality and what they are#anyway in this case the lack of sapphicness did not detract from the book at all dont get me wrong#i just found it funny
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Wondered what my wizard's spellbook would look like. I have a mage sigil for her now
#it looks cool btw. i'm a creative genius and everyone loves me#but this means i went in a weird rabbithole. is what i mean by this#it's great cause i can reuse for her everywhere and include it in her outfits and shit though! so that's cool#it would also make a sick pin design. i think. in my humble opinion#i almost want to say cécilia is my most developed OC#i've got a trajectory for her arc & general life story. she has a personality. she's got opinions. she has symbols and items.#an aesthetic & design informed by all this. i know about her childhood. how she sees the world. etc#cécilia éléonore octavie de la verpillière i love you. she'll be five years old in february#wow i have an ocs tag now
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#really randomly fell down a weird rabbit hole today#i was watching the X-Files and finally felt like reading up on david duchovny#like i see u fellow slav what kind of slav are you#so i opened up his wikipedia article and saw that his dad was jewish and from ukraine and went like AHA WE ARE THE SAME#and just out of curiosity looked up the place he's from because im curious about jewish shtetls in the ukraine#because my whole family except my biological father is from several of them and i thought hey maybe they were neighbors#which they fucking are omg theyre just 20km apart#my greatgreatgrandma is from makhnivka which i even found articles and history about and how the jewish population grew & declined#even though i did not find any steinbergs in the archives#anyway when i read up on Berdychiv where duchovnys family is from it said#early settlement by the Chernyakhov Culture#which was an archeological culture between 200 and 500 CE existing at the same time as the roman empire#....... is this how i finally find out where my name is from??????? like?????????#i wish i knew so much more than i do#like i only found out that im not russian i was just born in russia like 7 years ago or so??? because my mom never tells me anything#all the information about my great great grandparents and where theyre from is from my grandma#and her dementia is really bad now and shes just angry and screams and calls people names#my russian is too bad to properly read up on stuff like that and theres barely anything in english or german#i just want to know idk#but genetic testing is too expensive and also very america centric and the only family i have in the us is super conservative#i had to block them on facebook when my grandma made me write to them once over 10 years agl#and i know a huge chunk of my grandmas family moved to israel too so i dont want anything to do with that either#although id be curious if it would actually find my half siblings i found out about also like 8 years ago#i just wish there were more archives and more people i could talk to about this#on my grandfathers side theres nothing really left#my grandfather passed suddenly and apparently before he did he took ALL THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND DOCUMENTS somewhere to maybe digitalise them#but we dont know where so theyre literally gone for ever#but his whole family was from kiev and is apparently named after this culture era#his dad was a higher up at a sugar factory and i still cant find anything#my grandma had so many cousins and they were so interconnected and knew so much and i literally just have my mom and no one else
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coop is so funny bc while he super duper hates secrecy, he does also obviously understand why there are things that just need to be kept secret. and anyone who is just out there spilling the beans about literally fucking anything is immediately sus to him. this can be from something big and important to something mundane as gossip lmfao. he's just like. if someone told u something in confidence, keep to that. especially if you're just talking just to talk w/o any action behind it. if you wanna spill secrets in an effort to dismantle something, okay, that's different. but if you're too cowardly to do that and are just leaking secrets hoping someone else will do the leg work for u, he hates that.
#.headcanon ( looks like chaos; but there's always somebody behind the wheel )#i think this is at the root of why even after he leaves barb and everything#bc he can't like. publicly go out and be a whistleblower (NDA...there just has to be an NDA)#he's not like. talking to ANYONE about vault-tec and why that all went to shit#he DID sign an NDA#like some things just aren't his secrets to tell if he can't properly do something about it#and he thinks other ppl should also be this way#put up or shut up essentially#like moldaver for example. she has a PLAN w/what she tells him#there's action behind her. she fully intends to ACT on whatever information he gets for her from spying on barb#which is part of why he agrees. he knows she's obviously willing to risk things herself as well. and he's really fucking curious#(also he thinks he's HELPING his wife by doing this soo.....yeah)
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holy shit. i have a kitten now
#lee speaks#look look look ok. it just kinda happened#i went into a pet store and there she was#the little sheet with her information on it had a description of her personality and she was just perfect#like it mentioned that she burrowed under your covers at bedtime and i had to. i had to
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So this chick has been on-and-off again stalking me since high school. I could go into paragraphs of detail (I was about to), but no one wants to read all of that. Suffice to say, I guess she’s had some kind of crush on me for about 15-20 years or so (why??), and every few years it seems she pops up somewhere contacting me to try to persuade me to give her a chance. I should mention we never talked in high school, I actively avoided her, told her I didn’t like her, etc. nothing doing.
Anyway, somehow she’s been on one of my social media pages and saw I was having a hard time lately, so she found my phone number (what?? I hate that you can just find that online) and texted me out of the blue yesterday. Usual protocol is ignore and block so I don’t piss off an unstable person, but they decided to be gross, so
I wasn’t planning on posting anything about this before. If they were creeping around on my pages, mentioning it would only feed into them. Maybe. I don’t know. But this just kind of made me really uncomfortable and their response was shitty. I could have been a lot meaner. I wanted to be. But whatever, that wouldn’t have helped. So I just blocked them and hope that this time it sticks. If they see this, then hey… not cool.
#and then I post this for what? attention?#I dunno… this just made me feel really shitty#like… you can’t just leave me alone?#you know I’m having a rough go at it and you think this is the perfect time to insert yourself into my life?#I don’t care about your puss!#I really really have to reiterate I have never ever had a real conversation with this person#we’ve never talked or hung out and I always avoided them#god this is such high school bullshit. I’m in my fucking 30s. I don’t need this teenage drama.#and I want to imagine all this as just someone who never grew up buuut…#they found my phone number. they went looking for my personal information. they’ve been stalking at least one of my social media pages.#probably twitter but who knows maybe here too#this is like… 15-20 years of this. why? why are you still obsessed with this?#and maybe these texts don’t seem so bad but I’ve had to block them on Facebook too#and that was after my ex and I broke up a few years back#it’s like she waits until my life gets extra shitty and then tries to convince me that we’re old friends & she wants to date finally#fuckin… just… not really cool ya know. damn.#stalker lady… I am not worth all this pining. just move on.#lol but I have been saying “my puss is so wet right now’ to myself all day so that’s a positive#anyway… sorry to post this bullshit. just wanted to vent.#sorry if you read all of this#text
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okay I've decided against pursuing any sort of diagnosis re: my growing suspicions I have ADHD/something of that ilk for a variety of reasons, but it will NEVER stop galling me how I lack object permanence. like a baby. I need to have clear storage containers because if I cannot see something I forget it exists. it's both a relief to know that there is a potential "explanation" for such behavior but also realizing that most other people can do convenient things (like: remembering the existence of stuff) is also FRUSTRATINGGGG because I wish that was me! imagine being able to remember things not only casually but well! imagine that! god!
#it's also frustrating because it can bleed into interpersonal relationships and depending on people's friendship styles it can have a...#large impact. like back in high school my best friend would regularly be hurt by me not remembering things#(ranging from stories she'd tell me to stories I'd already told her to people's names to pieces of information I'd been made aware of)#and I took it personally at that age and sort of took it as:#''I am an inherently selfish person who can't remember things about other people and I am Bad''#and while that friendship grew apart and she sort of resigned herself (eventually) to me being the way that I was#I guess I never really let go of my guilt around it... and even now I still feel Very Bad about not remembering things#and I've often thought to myself of how I could mitigate it to be a better friend#but I short of ''keeping notes on your friends and the stories they tell you which you will need to reference often''#I've not had much luck in cracking that#I feel like as I've grown older I've found friends who (for whatever reason) don't take my ''poor memory'' personally#[and hilariously I've seemed to befriend people with FREAKISHLY GOOD memories who more than make up for my own]#and that's been... a bit better because it's been many years since I've had a friend make me feel bad for not remembering something#and in fact I have friends now who HAVE diagnosed ADHD who (obviously) Get It#but back of my head I still think that I do the people around me a disservice by not frequently/accurately committing things to memory#I think it makes me a worse friend and a worse employee for that matter#and I do in fact wish there was a magic pill that would grant me that ability and that ability only. it feels like it would change my LIFE.#anyways this tag essay is brought to you by:#me looking for my concert earplugs (which I have never used despite buying them FOR three concerts I went to last year since I kept...#say it with me... forgetting about them the day of the concert!) and finding a stash of two different battery types I had no idea I owned#anyways. earplugs are going into my car so I will have them on me#and batteries have been moved to the clear container in my closet with the other batteries. sigh.
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