#she wants to be the saviour but she wants to be feared. doesn't want to be the hero. she wants to be the person they think saved them befor

[n1ghtwarden]

i appreciate that there is.... no 'good' or 'bad' ending per say for minth beyond the character choices - either she gets what she wants and controls the absolute with tav/durge, or she.... immediately hatches a (rather foolish) plan to go conquer the underdark and turn it into an empire with herself at the head.

[littlelovelunette]

Fuck it

what are some of YOUR favorite HCs for our ladies? Any subjects, just things you haven't been able to bring up or talk about through requests

I wanna hear your thoughts :3c

~💜

Oh my gosh, finally someone wants to hear me outttt, you're the sweetest, anon 💜, thank youuu

Headcanons (Ft. Sevika, Ambessa Medarda, Violet, Jinx)

Author's Choice

Sevika

Multilingual through and through but sometimes a little bit of this language slips in through a little bit of that language because there's just so much in her vocabulary that she can't get across by using one singular language (Am I projecting? Yes.)

Sensitive to South Asian stereotypes and butch lesbian stereotypes

Likely to beat someone up over it

Grew up in a mysoginistic society which made her feel that she was somehow below men in the past but she doesn't let that affect her now

Considers dyeing her hair because she's insecure of the gray

In her past relationships, her ex girlfriends always made her feel like she needed to wear the pants in the relationship, so she never really was the one being spoiled, spooned or even simply headpatted

Loves being able to show even the slightest bit of feminity when she can with you, but it's rare because she's so insecure of it

If you bring it up, she'll say "Ridiculous," with a scoff and a head shake

Immensely insecure ever since she lost her arm and struggles with body image issues. Please reassure her

Has anger issues and breaks things when she's angry

She's just a kitten when she's angry so hold her close and hug her. Tell her it's okay and coo praises to her

No matter what I've seen other authors say, I think Sevika does get sort of abusive when she's angry, but she doesn't hit you of course. Instead, she slams and breaks things in the house

Ambessa Medarda

Brings you expensive gifts just because she can

When you sleep next to her, Ambessa hums a song and you can't help wonder of her melodious voice, and that she should sing more

Makes honey tea for you with her own hands and goodness does it taste like heaven, she tastes better though

Kneels down and does your straps for you even if her ego is so high, she loves kneeling before you in front of people to flash the dynamic of your relationship with her

Likely to propose only if you share the same loyalty for family as her

Eye contact means everything to this woman whether it's a normal setting, intimate setting or simply sex— look into her golden eyes and whisper "I love you"s

Would figuratively die out of concern if you ever got hurt in any way possible, wouldn't let you out of the Medarda Estate in fear you'll get hurt again. It may take a while for her trust in the world to build again, but she's not all that controlling

Shockingly lets you wear whatever you want to wear when outside but don't expect her to coddle you and take her time stripping you form those clothes. She is feral, she'll tear them off

Her love language is providing all sorts of protection that you need from whoever even if it may be the most dangerous person on the planet, you're safe with Ambessa

Vows to keep you safe whenever you fall asleep, mumbling them to herself as a constant reminder that whatever happens, her loyalty was to you and her family

Her kisses are surprisingly warm, gentle and calculated. She doesn't want to rush, and takes her sweet time. Sometimes it's barely tongue, and she just enjoys the feeling of your sweet lips against hers

Violet

Although she claims she doesn't care for your commands, if you told her to sit she'll sit

Favorite part of your body is your boobs no matter if they're big/small. She'll bury her face in them and even use them as stress balls. Nothing lewd really, she just likes sniffing them. What a pervert but come on, it's Vi

Loves interlacing her fingers with yours, rubbing the top of your hand with the pad of her thumb

Always carries sanitary pads/tampons for you to be your saviour at times of crisis

Can't stand your pout or your tears. Crocodile tears or not, Vi is buying you whatever you want or beating someone up over something that you want. She can't stand seeing her princess all pouty

"You're not scared of me, are you?" Vi's sometimes afraid what impression she gives off to you

Worried because you may be exposed to Shimmer. She doesn't care what the living conditions are, but she doesn't want you to get addicted to any sort of substance that can cause your life to go downhill

Stares at you so much you're sometimes worried whether she's even listening to what you have to say, or when you're just casually conversing she's staring at you as if you've grown two heads.

In reality, Vi takes one long look at you, one that could battle a stare contest, and decides you're too good for her. But she'll never say that out loud in fear you're gonna leave her

Scared she's gonna lose her shit and hit you when she's angry because poor baby has anger issues

Very much capable of confidently arguing with a child and losing

Jinx

Has anxious attachment issues with you, she knows it and you know it. But you both silently acknowledge that

Perfect dates mean bombing and terrorising Pilties with her... Or, you both could decide on a sugar marathon. Whichever you prefer

Her love language is putting effort into remembering the things that you like, often stealing the best of it from Piltover. Jinx makes you your favourite weapons in your favourite colour, with little scribbles that say you belong to her

Blushes when you hug her and she awkwardly returns it back but when she gets comfortable she can't stop hugging you

If you ever left her, she'd actually lose her shit, she's way too attached with you

Overthinks the whole love confession thing before you both dated and she lit your yard on fire with the words "I LOVE YOU"

Cried in your arms after Caitlyn shot her middle finger off. She was so upset, you almost gutted the woman for doing that to your baby

Sometimes she loses her shit, hallucinates and you wake up tied to her chair, her knife poking at your heart. "Love me. Love me. Love me." She repeats, her voice hoarse from screaming and crying. Jinx calms down eventually, unties you and asks you if she scared you. You always tell her no and give her headpats

Jinx is way too scared of relying on anyone emotionally and you can tell. You don't force her to trust you immediately but it is a slow process, she slowly starts to open up more

Swings her legs back and forth from the edge of the bed while you do her hair. Your arm workout is doing her hair

You motivate her to actually take care of herself, eat properly and shower. But you have to do it all with her

Surprisingly can pick you up

[toffeecoco1]

@perpetualgrey's comment on this post

Ok my first instinct was to laugh, but then I realised you might be onto something???

Shen Yuan is LITERALLY an impostor, who’s more far more kind and beloved by Binghe than the original. The Guanyin pendant is a counterfeit, but it carries the love of Binghe’s mother and is far more precious than any real jade could ever be.

The heartbreak Binghe’s mother felt after realising that the Guanyin pendant was fake and she’d been tricked was part of what lead to the gradual decline of her health.¹ In wanting to do something kind for Binghe, she felt that she’d failed, and this led to her demise. What is Shen Qingqiu’s entire story, but trying to be kind to Binghe, feeling inadequate at this, and dying? (More than once!!)

Guanyin is a Bodhisattva associated with mercy, kindness, compassion and unconditional love. She is a patron of mothers, and is called upon in times of fear, uncertainty, and despair. The Bodhisattva she originated from is seen as a saviour, through whose grace even those with the most negative karma can achieve salvation. Even when she is not worshipped as a goddess, she is revered as the principle of love, compassion and mercy.² From wikipedia, “The act, thought and feeling of compassion and love is viewed as Guanyin. A merciful, compassionate, loving individual is said to be Guanyin.”²

The original Luo Binghe appears never to have lost his pendant. Shen Qingqiu tells us: “It was the only bit of warmth in Luo Binghe’s dark world, always by his side, and even in the future when he was at his darkest, it could summon up his last dregs of humanity.”¹ He also states that “it was Luo Binghe’s biggest berserk button.”¹

Our Luo Binghe does not cling to the pendant when he’s at his darkest: he clings to the love he has for his shizun and to memories of his kindness, and later, to the lifeless body of Shen Qingqiu himself. His biggest berserk button isn’t when people insult the pendant or his mother, or try to take it away; it’s Shen Qingqiu: when people insult him or try to take him away.

From the start, Shen Qingqiu expresses truly unconditional love for Binghe. He spends three years showing endless compassion and kindness, actions which feel insignificant to him but are more than enough to completely change Binghe’s life. He holds no blame or resentment for the things he fears Binghe will do to him; though he doesn’t want to be tortured, he forgives Binghe for it nonetheless, before it has even happened. He sacrifices himself to save Binghe as his mind is eaten away at by Xin Mo, when he believes that Binghe just slaughtered a hundred Huan Hua Disciples, when Binghe’s reckless use of the sword is putting countless more lives at risk.³

Shen Qingqiu is a counterfeit that is more precious than the original could ever be. For Binghe, he personifies kindness, compassion and unconditional love. His regrets over his treatment of Binghe lead to his temporary demise. Binghe clings to him in his darkest moments, and he is that which Binghe protects most fiercely.

I always found the pendant’s role in the story to be almost lacking: it’s treated as such an important item to Binghe, yet in the end its return is almost anticlimactic. But perhaps this is because the role the pendant played in Bing-ge’s story has been overtaken by Shen Qingqiu. When he returns the pendant, Binghe is relieved and appreciative: but his joy seems to stem more from the fact that Shen Qingqiu held onto it and cherished him than from the pendant itself. The pendant doesn’t matter all that much to him anymore, at least not compared to how important it seems to have been in PIDW. Binghe doesn't need an object to symbolize love and kindness; he has a person to love, who loves him back.

In conclusion: Shizun was in fact the fake jade Guanyin pendant all along!

sources cited below :)

1. Seven Seas Volume 1, Chapter 1: Scum. Pages 40-41.

2. “Guanyin,” Wikipedia. There’s a lot more to her than what I mentioned here, she’s quite interesting.

3. Seven Seas Volume 2, Chapter 8: Death. Pages 154-156.

[kana-hamato]

Once upon a time,

Where money and power is everything in this big cruel world... (Keep reading )

Maria a 5 years fragile girl. She is an unlucky human child that has been sold as Sl*very by her parents. She managed to escape and run away, her small bare feet keep moving towards anywhere that her instincts lead. At the corner of the alley, she hides inside the dumpster, trembling in fear and exhausted.

Suddenly, a stranger, a man opened it and saw her inside. Her eyes widen in surprise and terror, she doesn't have any energy to flee. For some reason, the man kept staring at him with intense eyes and unreadable expression. She wanted to beg for mercy, but her voice came out as a soft whimper. She thought he was one of the bad people that always hit her.

The man slowly reaches her and carries her out of the dumpster. His hands are so large on her waist and he also seems gentle with her like he is afraid to hurt her. She was surprised so she ended up crying loudly because of fear.

The man is trying to comfort him but his effort is awkward and inexperienced with a child. He looked around the alley to find any answers for his problem but found none. So he decided to say,

"Donatello."

Maria slowly stops crying and looks at him with confusion and surprises.

"That is my name." He said again, with a gentle voice.

Her eyes widened with surprises, she couldn't believe this man suddenly telling his name towards a slave like her. That simple kindness makes her small innocent heart sparkle with hope.

"Maria" she tells her name with trust.

Don decided to bring her home and take care of her. He gave her everything she needed to survive. A new dress, delicious food and even a comfortable bed for her to sleep. He is a very wealthy and genius noble man in the Hamato family.

Maria wanted to call him 'Father or Daddy' because she thinks of him as her parents, her saviour. Don didn't let her call him that, he only let her call him as 'Sir or Mister'. Not because he hates it, but because he doesn't want any emotion that can distract him from his works. Emotions are a weakness, that's what he thinks.

She is trying her best to stay obedient to pay for his kindness. She is trying her best to be useful for him. She is trying to be strong but..in her little innocent heart. She hopes that one day he will let her call him Father.

(I apologize for my bad grammar.)

[mi-co-uk]

CRIMINAL MATT X "PRINCESS" READER ⋆˚࿔

ANTIDOTE ۶ৎ

matt is obsessed with her. he shouldnt even go near her - but that doesn't stop him from watching her. he'll always be there when she needs him, whether she knows it or not.

────★ PART TWO

DESCRIPTION: matt has been stalking "princess" reader but luckily he's right in time when she needs help..

WARNINGS: stalking, mentions of alcohol and being drunk, fighting, mentions of blood, small panic attack? matt being a saviour c:

wc: 1k

PREVIOUS || AU MASTERLIST

aIt wasnt a coincidence. that was the problem. 

youd been out all night, staying inside and drinking away at the party. Matt knew he couldn't watch you all of the time, he understood that and he sacrificed his craving for it. but he would never stray too far, especially not tonight. 

youd been avoiding events like this for a little while now. It had been almost a month since your interaction with matt at your brothers party, you hadnt gone to another one since. Tonight had been an impulsive action, it was a random club in town youd snuck into with a couple of your friends. You were going to act carelessly and matt knew it. Thats the excuse he gave himself for standing in an alleyway for over 3 hours. 

He could barely relish in the correctness of those thoughts when he saw your friends leaving the party. you were still in there, and matt had no way in without being excruciatingly obvious and drawing attention to himself. He contemplated it nonetheless, checking up on you would be act of giving up his ability to follow you if you saw him. Matt flicked through various scenarios as to why you would be in there alone, none of which relaxed his anxieties. 

That was until he saw you, far too drunk to be sensible. you fiddled with the hem of your dress, beginning to speed walk from uncomfort. Matt knew that if you saw him trailing behind it would only fuel the uncomfort, regardless, he followed onwards. He wasnt a threat to you, but that didnt make you safe. you werent safe from everyone else, so matt monitored more than just you. 

Your friends were long gone, having got an uber before youd even left the party. you tried to rationalise their action in their intoxicity but youd drunk just as much as they had, if not more. Theyd left without you, youd lost your phone and had been spoken to by way too many people. It was overwhelming, you were sick to your stomach, regretting you decisions and questioning how youd ever enjoyed nights like this before. You didnt want to do it anymore, you didnt want to talk to anyone and you didnt even want to be looked at anymore. you felt gross for dressing up, it hadnt been for yourself tonight, maybe that was the problem. 

The gravel scraped harshly behind you as you passed another alleyway. You couldnt bring yourself to look behind you, the hyperventilation creeping in while you persisted your path down the street. You barely knew where you were going, landmarks too difficult to identify with your hazy vision. The noise repeated itself, from pure fear you halted and whipped your head to look behind you. 

You couldnt tell if it was better or worse than what youd expected to see. It was one of the guys from the party, but he wasnt directly behind you. Matt had pinned him against the wall, striking repetitive blows to his face. His punches were relentless, holding him up by the collar to continue the attack. The man was far from knocked out, his blood smeared across his face. Matt finally dropped him onto the concrete, staring down in fear of viewing your expression. 

You didnt know what you were supposed to do. You couldnt think, move or talk as matt finally looked up at you. It didnt feel threatening. He appeared almost guilty, sympathetic that you had to see him act that way. You purely sniffed, beginning to become aware of the tears running down your face. The scene hadnt scared you as much as it likely should have, your brother had exposed you to things like that for a long time. It was just all unexpected and overwhelming. 

The streetlamps formed a dark shadow on the body in the alley, matt stepped closer to you and into the light. You looked at the blood smudged on his knuckles, some of it his own. You dreaded to consider an alternate way the night had gone. Preferably you wouldnt be followed by anyone, but if the option was just a stranger or matt as well you'd choose the latter. 

“Thank you,” you mumbled unconvincingly. 

Matts eyebrows somewhat furrowed, hed expected anger and resentment that youd shown him when you first spoke. he could tell you were nervous before hed seen your face, but now he saw how truly vulnerable you felt in that moment. 

He unclenched his fist and slowly walked up to you, watching you sniff and wipe away your tears. 

His approach didnt feel threatening, his gentle expression was more comforting than it should have been. 

“Im sorry” he whispered, you felt tears brimming in your eyes once again. 

You reached to wrap your arms around his torso, laying your head on his chest as the tears spilled out. He reciprocated the gesture, hugging you tightly. It was a huge contrast to your last conversation, but neither of you minded. 

It wasnt a coincidence. The man had followed you from the party, walking behind you to match your pace. He watched you far too closely, thats how matt knew. He wasnt going to give him any opportunity to get close. 

“we have to go,” matt whispered without loosening his grip. The man would eventually wake up, something matt didnt want either of them there to witness. You only held onto him tighter.

He cradled your face in his hands, “im sorry but we have to go.”

You were too drunk to respond and far too drunk to fully understand what was happening. 

“let me walk you home, yeah?” he muttered, wiping your tears with his thumb while he watched your eyes sparkle in the lighting. 

you reached your arms up higher, wrapping them around the back of his neck. He lowered himself to grip the back of your legs and lift you off the ground. It probably wasnt the safest idea but it was easier than trying to get you to walk. Either way, matt knew you were safe while you were with him. He wanted you to know that too. 

“I got you, its okay.”

a/n shorter chapter this time but I hope you enjoyed anyways c: day one of my 2 week special !!

this is obviously the series for this pairing but please feel free to send me some requests for them! they might end up part of the series or I'll make it a blurb <:

[extremely-judgemental]

Long Post

Feyre doesn't love anyone. This is a speculation and I don't have the strength to go through the books again. So, take this with a grain of salt.

Her mortal relationships. All her life, Feyre feels neglected by her family. She is estranged from her sisters, though they are close to her age, and her father. She has no friends before her family fell into poverty or after. The only one she gets close to is Isaac with whom she shares an intimate relationship but no emotional bond. She treats him as a distraction and a means to numb her pain. At this point, she’s so out of touch with her feelings that she can’t identify them—like the time Nesta brings up Isaac and Feyre vaguely feels something close to jealousy but nothing more, which is more likely her fear of losing her emotional outlet.

Tamlin. In Spring, Feyre unwittingly bonds with Lucien and Tamlin. But she never comes to fully trust them as she’s used to relying on only herself. She develops an attachment with Tamlin, in a grateful sort of way, once he becomes someone she needed all her life—someone who saw her, someone who cared for her, someone she expected her family to be. She risks her life for him, but it’s not just out of love. Feyre has the tendency to take every burden upon herself. It makes her feel invaluable and useful. Proof—she takes up hunting when she could have done anything else. It fulfils the promise she made to her mother. The higher the risks, the better. Even if she fails, she tried everything to take care of her loved ones and she can’t be blamed. This applies to saving Tamlin too.

Moreover, Feyre thrives in danger. When she’s first brought to Spring, the danger is Tamlin himself. But it fades as she starts to see him for who he is, so she seeks more—like going to Calanmai when she’s clearly warned to stay put and when she knows other fae are going to be present. Later, loving Tamlin becomes the ultimate danger for a mortal like her.

After Under the Mountain, Spring is not gratifying anymore. Feyre is bored. For the majority of her life, she’s played saviour for her family and then Tamlin. That sense of identity slips away the longer she is in Spring as Tamlin becomes her protector. She keeps chasing him into danger knowing Amarantha’s cronies and other creatures are on the prowl outside their mansion because she wants to be useful again, she wants a purpose.

Also, Feyre never admits she’s in love with Tamlin until she hears him say it. After learning of the mating bonds, she waits for it to happen between the two before she decides if she can love him. Her real feelings would have been proven if she had declared her love sooner breaking the curse.

Rhysand. This also corroborates why Feyre feels alive every time she leaves Tamlin because of the bargain. She’s still locked inside a castle atop a mountain day and night which no one enters or leaves besides Rhysand and Morrigan—same condition that suffocated her in Spring. She has no one to talk to or can do none of the things she fought for with Tamlin. But it satiates her urges since she is in enemy territory.

Feyre low-key wants to be in grave situations digging her way out and so, she’s open to her life with Rhysand. The foundation of their relationship is his willingness to thrust her into one adventure after the other in the name of saving lives. Also, sex and being reckless are Feyre’s coping mechanisms which she gets in abundance with Rhysand.

This could be a stretch but Feyre is quick to forgive Rhysand about keeping the complications of her pregnancy from her. For months, she’s safe in their safest mansion in their safest city, protected by a personal magic bubble. The pregnancy itself now poses the danger she craves and it’s easy to justify with whatever reason she’s fed because that’s the norm by now. Again with Rhysand, she never recognises her emotions other than her attraction. It’s after Suriel slips the truth to her, she decides she’s in love with Rhysand.

Nyx. Feyre’s reason for wanting a child is quite twisted. She doesn’t want one for the sake of having a child or nurturing a life, but she wants an extension of Rhysand. She’s afraid of losing her mate and wants to preserve a part of him in her life. That’s who Nyx will always be to her. This will be problematic when Nyx grows into his own person and deviates from being more than a reflection of Rhysand. Feyre may start controlling every aspect of his life until he fits the mould.

Inner Circle. Feyre’s friendship with the Inner Circle is circumstantial. They are the only ones she meets and bonds with in Velaris. They accept her long before they know her because of Rhysand. Morrigan is aware she is his mate while Azriel and Cassian suspect it. Moreover, they see her as the one who freed their friend and brought him back home. None of them love her for who she is and Feyre never sees them for who they are. This severely hinders her ability to decide if they are worthy of her friendship, yet she eventually accepts them because Rhysand regards him highly. (If this doesn’t make sense, Nesta and Feyre have similar personalities and attitudes but they both are treated very differently.)

Love = Control. Feyre confuses responsibility with love a lot. None of her treatment towards her sisters, however manipulative, is not out of love but she still lives by the promise. Her idea of taking care of someone is controlling their lives. She keeps Elain close and meddles with her relationship with Lucien or Azriel. She lets Inner Circle break Nesta down, ensuring she never defies them. She extends this to Lucien too after they leave Spring. The concept of love is so warped in her mind and she vilifies anyone who doesn’t let her dominate them—Tamlin, Lucien, Nesta.

Feyre’s obsession with life-threatening situations is similar to an abuse survivor’s need for abuse to keep their life thrilling and familiar. She rejects Tamlin (ignoring the domestic violence) and Tarquin for the same reason—they don’t offer her that excitement she seeks. With Inner Circle’s hero complex, Feyre lacks none of this entertainment. Her relationship with Rhysand is a series of her coping mechanisms—sex, war, sex on a loop. Feyre never heals. If she had, she would have a better grasp of her emotions and developed the ability to love others without conditions.

[periprose]

Angsty/Sad imagine idea for insomniac!peter parker

Reader dies in his arms or he visits her grave for the first time and he says something like "we weren't supposed to end like this" and its just sad....

😭 this ask made me sad but also excited to write! Thanks for requesting it.

/

"How is Spider-Man supposed to reach us in time?" The woman tied up next to you quivered in fear. "Those assholes having been taunting their guns for the last twenty minutes... oh God..."

You never worried if Peter would show up to rescue you in time. Ever since Fisk had gotten jailed, multiple up-and-coming criminals had taken this as their chance to shine.

Unfortunately for you, that meant being kidnapped or harassed, and often you'd get out of those situations thanks to the police- but being Spider-Man's girlfriend sometimes had it's privileges, namely that you could text him discreetly for help and he'd be on his way.

You always felt bad about it. You knew there were worse, harsher things happening out there. But Peter always insisted that you ask for help.

Usually it would end in a quick brawl, and you'd be safely thwipped into his arms, no harm done as you'd swing back to your apartment in safety.

This time, though? It's a lot more serious. These thugs want to "directly send a message to Spider-Man", and it's by poor luck that they've discovered your connection to him.

Every once in a while, they taunt you, but you're sure Peter will rescue you. You've sent him a text and he's read it- he must be frantically swinging right now.

"He's coming, don't worry." You try to comfort the woman beside you, but to no avail- she mutters that Spider-Man doesn't deserve a girlfriend if this is what happens to her, and that you need higher standards.

"This one's getting too confident, boss." One of the thugs kicks your side after hearing your remark, and you wince. "Being pretty won't save you now, bitch."

The woman next to you shrieks in fear- but she suddenly gasps in relief, and you see him, red-and-blue Spider-Man saviour swinging directly to the intersection you're currently kneeling at.

"I've got you, stay down!" Spider-Man shouts at you and the other hostages. He doesn't have a hint of his usual, tension-breaking humour, and it fills you with dread.

The pavement hurts your knees, but you stay down, not wanting to draw attention now as Spider-Man attacks and webs up your kidnappers. He's putting a lot more emphasis into his punches- it seems like they've really ruffled his feathers this time.

Of course, Peter's actually furious- he doesn't know how they figured out your connection to him, and he's desperate to take you away and hide you somewhere safe.

He wonders if he can convince you to move to New Jersey.

After a blur of punches, Peter sees that there's just one more guy to defeat- he swings forward, the guy shoots his gun, a flurry of bullets ricocheting everywhere, and Peter doesn't care about the sudden searing pain in his side- he takes him down.

He turns- hoping that you're still okay to go home now- but the woman next to you is crying hysterically, pointing to your slumped over body.

Oh no. Oh no. No, no, no.

Peter starts running, not with the confident poise of Spider-Man, but with the fear of a young man about to lose the one person he truly, truly cared about.

He scrambles over the pavement, where you're lying in a pool of your own blood, gunshot wounds scattered across your body- it just seems unnecessarily unfair, so needlessly cruel that the universe decided that you would take all those bullets. They should've hit him- he would've gladly taken every single shot.

"No, no. Please-" Peter squeezes your hand, as you look up at him, tears falling out of your eyes. Your face is ghostly pale, you're shuddering- but you still have enough time to say something.

"Keep... going..." You try, because you don't want Peter to blame himself for your own stupidity.

"No. Please, somebody help her!" Peter shouts, gritting his teeth, and there's nobody left here but him and you. Everyone else has ran off- and Peter's too shaken to call an ambulance at this moment. "I don't know what to do, don't- don't-"

You know what he means, and you're trying. You're using all your might to not die here, to let yourself be rescued and healed. But you can't let Peter stay agonized like this, not when he means so much to people, not when he protects so much more than just you, so you use your last reserve of energy to speak, even though he tries to shush you.

"New York... needs... you."

"I need you!" Peter yells, and you can tell he's crying under the mask. "It should've been me, I could've taken it- please don't-"

But Peter's luck always runs out, and it seems like the universe wants him to lose even more than he ever has. Your grip loosens from his hand, your eyes glaze over, and even though he sobs, clings on to you even more tightly- you just aren't there to hug him back this time.

/

It's been a month since Peter lost you so unceremoniously.

He stares at your gravestone in disbelief. None of this feels real- he was sure that if anyone in this world had to die from random criminals, it should've been him.

All the time, he feels like he's waiting for a phone call from you. He still swings by your apartment- your things have been removed, he can see that through the window.

Even though he saw your body being taken away into the ambulance, where you were immediately proclaimed dead, and he was at your funeral. It's like the reality of the situation is refusing to sink in his mind.

Even worse, he's taken out his rage on every petty criminal that comes his way now, as Spider-Man. J. Jonah Jameson loves it, calls him even more of a vengeance on the city, and that he should be behind bars.

Peter would be behind bars gladly if it meant you would've been safe. Maybe being Spider-Man was a mistake.

But he can't forget your last words. The last thing Peter would ever do is disappoint you, and he knows what you wanted. That he would keep protecting the city, that he would keep going despite it all.

Damn it, he hates you sometimes. Hates that you still know how to inspire hope in him, that you're such a significant presence in his heart that you're permanently etched there now. He hates how much he loves you, and how he's going to forever listen to you.

He just wishes you were here to see it through.

"We weren't supposed to end like this. It was supposed to be me and you, together, living a full life." He whispers. "It... it was supposed to be us, and our kids, our grandkids, hell even great grandkids, and then, only then, would I accept it. That we would be allowed to-"

He still can't bring himself to say die. So he lets himself swallow the agony, the sobs that always threaten to ebb out of his throat, and rests another bouquet of flowers at your grave.

[mixtpecas]

It's 2 am and I'm just thinking about how Cas and Eileen became such complimentary partners for Dean and Sam even when the show (slash Chuck) didn't let them have a happy ending.

Like, Sam wanted independence from his family and hunting. Not because he hated hunting necessarily, but because it represented everything his dad seemed to value over him and his opinions. And throughout the show he does make his own choices, but more often than not they end up with him getting possessed or some other kind of loss of autonomy. And with everyone he dates there seems to be that fear of losing control - not that he's controlling per say, but that he can't really let his guard down. Jess, Amy, Amelia, might know About him, but he doesn't seem to show much real vulnerability or deeper trust in them.

And Eileen gets that - she was written to mirror Sam, but it's not like she's his clone. While Sam seems more run down by everything that's happened to him by the time he meets her, Eileen still has that fire that leads her to do good on her own terms. And because she understands both the hunting and independence aspects of Sam's life, her and Sam can see each other as equals, instead of falling into that civilian/hunter or protector/protectee approach that relationships in the show usually lean towards. It's a real breath of fresh air for me, and feels a lot like how I'd imagine an ideal relationship for Sam - someone that isn't afraid to challenge him, but also encourages him to speak up for himself and value his own feelings.

Then with Dean, there's a lot of similarities to Sam (obviously, with their shared upbringing lol) but he can also be his counterpart. Sam wants trust placed in him and independence, Dean wants commitment and for someone to not leave him. But like Sam's relationships, Dean definitely falls right into the Protector role and what he thinks he should be doing, not what he actually needs or wants (like with Cassie and Lisa). And for him, I feel like it's less about not trusting them (Dean actually confides in people fairly often!) but more about his understandings about relationships and his own self. Dean has been treated (intentionally and unintentionally) as a blunt instrument, someone unchangeable, someone to look to for comfort, etc. even before Mary died ("It's okay Mom, I'll never leave you" comes to mind).

Cas reflects this in the extreme - any of his own feelings were lobotimized out of him and it was seen as impossible for angels to feel at all without falling. For him, he could see Dean as a smaller-scale mirror to what he was feeling. And Dean could see Cas as a more abstract, less intimidating way to see his own life. Like Eileen and Sam, Dean and Cas understand each other as soon as they meet each other. Cas tells Dean he has doubts! Dean prays to Cas after a lifetime of not believing in angels! Their similarities let them connect but their differences let them grow - Dean is so stubborn and full of feeling that Cas finally has the final push to rebel. Cas is the most powerful thing Dean's ever met when he saves him from Hell, so Dean feels safe to rely on him and trust someone to answer him if he asks (or prays). And again, their similarities are at the ground of it all, so they stay as partners and equals.

For Chuck (and the writers) this kind of healthier partnership dynamic goes against the kind of romance they love, that focuses on avoidance and saviour complexes. If Dean and Sam feel secure in their senses of self outside of one another, and are encouraged to keep that up, what happens to the Cycles of Family Trauma Show?? Plus, there's the added elements of Cas being a man and Eileen being deaf (resulting in Despair and the Blurry Wife). Sam and Dean both needed Eileen and Cas at certain points in their stories, whether that was to rescue them, motivate them, give them something to lose, etc. But even though plot development was the main intention for these relationships, they signalled something outside of the routine Cain and Abel story. Instead of just representing that kind of unattainable happy future, Eileen and Cas developed genuine relationships with the brothers that encouraged them to be more genuine people, and eventually led them to defeat God.

[sugar-grigri]

Correction: Fake! CSM is the God Devil

WAIT WAIT WAIT and if, going back over this analysis, Fake!CSM or even the famous demon that Yuko and the others had contracted with wasn't an identity or memory demon

This entity would be the demon representing the fear of God? I CAN EXPLAIN! That would explain why this demon has the appearance of Chainsaw Man

As Angel explained, Chainsaw Man is the being who draws the line between death and birth for demons, the sound of chainsaws being what they hear when they are born or die.

As a result, Chainsaw Man had a natural superiority over the other demons, to the point of being feared as a divine power.

Whether it's Beam, who considered himself a follower of Chainsaw Man, or Makima, who was fascinated by him, it's an abnormal relationship between demons and CSM, tinged with veneration and fear.

Chainsaw Man is a divine figure who has also become enshrined among mortals, who see him as a means of fighting against their injustices.

You see where I'm going with this, the demon resulting from the fear of God has ended up taking on the appearance of the saviour and punisher projected by both demons and humans.

This would explain why this demon didn't lie when he called himself a demon of justice, just as it explains Barem's reaction, whom he sees as his saviour, just as it explains Fake!CSM's appearance, and finally, it explains the biblical references made by the impostor.

Which confirms my theory that Fake!CSM is NOT an enemy of Denji - quite the opposite, in fact. He wants the real Chainsaw Man to act, to be feared by demons and worshipped by humans, to once again reinforce the divine aspect of his image.

Denji is the source of Fake!CSM's power, which is why Fami has built a church around his figure to further reinforce this aspect, and why the impostor prefers to speak in Denji's name to make a more religious statement than the real CSM, who couldn't care less about such considerations.

If we were to get to know Denji as he really is, the very nature of a simple teenager would destroy his reputation for being invincible.

That's why Barem and Fami want Denji to join their cause anyway, because Chainsaw Man has to do exactly what they think will strengthen his reputation as a divine being.

If Nostradamus's apocalypse is fulfilled, people will not only fear divine wrath, they'll start praying to Chainsaw Man too!

Fake!CSM is Fami's champion for countering the apocalypse, and she's only interested in making it as powerful as possible.

This also explains why the public hunters want to paralyse Chainsaw Man and prevent him from showing his face, to avoid confirming this growing reputation and veneration. I repeat, when Yoshida said those words it wasn't to help Denji but to express the will of the hunters in any case. The fact that one of them said that it would be simpler if he were a weapon doesn't detract from this. It's simpler for CSM to be a unanimous being who's easy to hide and control than an unpredictable teenager.

The public hunters don't know exactly what's going on, as evidenced by their natural suspicion of Fami, whom they thought was behind this apocalypse, or by their response to the church's intentions in the last chapter. However, they do have their doubts about Fami, the knight of the apocalypse, whom they must know to be the founder of the church, and since the church relies on Chainsaw Man as the guardian of public order, it was safer for him to stop acting and not to go along with the church.

Chainsaw Man is the symbol of the demons' death, which erases their names and dictates their existence, so here's a theory on what will trigger the apocalypse...

It won't be caused by one demon in particular, but by a general revolt of demons such as has already taken place in the underworld to put an end to Chainsaw Man, to this supreme demon.

When the natural death of demons no longer exists, of course, this will mean the victory of demons over humans, as foretold by prophecy.

If this war breaks out, this explains why Fami Yoru believes that the demon of war is the one who will be able to counter this attack of demons.

Let's go back to this prophecy :

The simplest

Mars as god of war is none other than Yoru

But you know what's interesting is that according to all the thinkers analysing Nostradamus, what Nostradamus was actually predicting was not an apocalypse but an eclipse of the sun.

So this allows us to identify the other protagonists: the great King of Terror is none other than the moon that hides the sun, which will soon reappear.

The Great King of Angoulmois is none other than Denji

Overshadowed by Fake!CSM

Now you know why it only works before the sun comes out.

[nthspecialll]

Dutch Van Der Linde as the saviour and his early crime life.

Dutch Van Der Linde and his early life beyond the fact that his father died in the war and he ran away from his mother at the age of 15 is a mystery to us as players, however due to the fact he prefered a life of petty crime we assume that his mother was a terrible person, something that might not be true.

Unlike the majority of the gang Dutch does not have evidence of a terrible childhood, he was not orphaned, he was not fleeing from the government, he did not fear for his life and we cannot say that his mother was abusive, almost quite the contrary.

In Dutch's own words, he ran away because he and his mother "did not see eye to eye," and while this can indicate abuse the fact he follows up with "I was not always an obedient child" very much makes it seem like it was his own fault. He continues to talk about how they both loved one another in their own ways, meaning he ran away not because he had to but because he wanted to, especially as the reasons he was "not an obedient child" could very well be because he was young and rebellious.

What makes this even worse is that Dutch mentions having had a price on his head for fifteen years while he actually has been on the run for 29 as he is 44, this means for 14 years he committed crimes, did not have a price on his head, and had the choice to turn back to a "regular life." Now he might just have said 15 as a "about this many years but not the exact" but you don't get it wrong by 14 years.

Dutch mentions that he did not know that his mother was burried in Blackwater but was only told a few years later by an uncle. His mother died in 1881 (her grave can be found), he met Hosea in 1876, met Arthur in 1877 and had been on the run since 1870, meaning he was still in contact with his family at least in 1884, seven years after meeting Arthur.

Milton talks about Dutch being a Messiah, a savior for the people, and Dutch keeps saying "we" this and "we" that but the truth is he is nothing like them, Dutch chose his situation and had many chances to turn back but didn't, while the others in one way or another was forced into it. He also has many advantages, such as being in contact with his family, something which a character like Javier is forced not to and we only see one other character cannonically do, Pearson. Not only that but Dutch often reinforce his role as a boss by having his own tent, having expensive clothing, telling Molly that she doesn't need to work for the mere fact that she is his girl. He does not need to do this, everyone is already loyal to him, yet he does it for nothing more than to serve his own ego.

Now some would say he ran away to make a better world, but there is something wrong with that theory.

Dutch's favorite author is Evelyn Miller who is based on the real romantic/transcendentalist writer Henry David Thoreau. Romanticism is a philosophy that dislikes the wealthy and the industrialization and wants people to embrace a more "authentic" life, which is why Thoreau as a more wealthy man wanted to do an experiment for two years where he moved into a cabin. He wanted to, for the experience of it, live in the woods, such as Dutch did not run away from his possible rich life because he needed to but for the experience of it.

Dutch did not spoil his chance at a normal life for love, he didn't spoil it for "a better world," he didn't spoil it for necessity, he spoiled it for fun, for the experience.

Imagine being Javier, hearing the man who claimed to understand you, say that he still is in touch with his family while you don't know if your sister is even alive. Imagine being Arthur, hearing the man who claimed to understand you, say that he chose a life of crime as an experience while you were forced into it to survive and now hate yourself for it. Imagine being Charles, hearing the man who claimed to understand you, say he chose to hurt for fun while you wish you had another way.

Based on conversations I had with @werewolfarthurmorganenjoyer and @heavenlymorals.

[thinemoonshine]

𓆰𝒶 𝒷𝓊𝒹 ♡𓆪

cha hyun su x female reader genre: romance, tiny fluff, angst, slowburn type: series (but can also be read as a oneshot) word count: 1,785

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ part 2 of series

Cha Hyun Su never really stands out in Green Home Apartment- both literally and figuratively. One, because he rarely comes out of his room, and the other is simply because he never bothers to socialize. So when he suddenly becomes this sort of 'saviour' for the residents when the mysterious monster outbreak started, naturally, he gathered attention- both good and bad.

Because he is in fact, abnormal. A paradox. He's an infected; a monster, the humans' common enemy and yet he's also a hero. And humans fear those that are unusual— even when they themselves have seen the goodness in his capabilities. Because as people tend to go, they prefer to see the cup as half empty, especially during these dire times.

So they use him— telling him to go on missions and retrieve items for themselves, ordering him here and there only to keep him isolated in the quarantine room right after. All this, just to make sure they're the ones who have the upper hand, they're the ones who have authority over this monster.

(y/n) is no different. She too sees the benefit of using Hyun Su to fulfill their needs and wants because after all, he's part-monster. If the other residents were to go instead, there'd be higher possibility they'd wind up killed or injured. But Hyun Su? He heals, dies less easily and has his monstrous quirks so what's the harm?

Is what (y/n) thinks as she stands in front of the isolation room with an energy bar in hand and a bottle of water filling just a quarter of it.

"...10 minutes. That's all you get," Eunhyuk says as he leans beside the door with arms crossed— looking down at (y/n) who nods at his words. His cryptic gaze flicker between her eyes before sighing and massaging his temple. "I'll be out here."

He unlocks the door and (y/n) slips right in, wanting to use the best she can get from the limited time but as soon as the door closes, her steps slow- surveying the dreary room that mimics the doleful dispositions of its members; which in this case is Hyun Su and the dour old man lying asleep on the lone couch at the far side of the room.

"Hyun Su," (y/n) starts and the said male lifts his head from his knees, shocked to see a healthy human inside this 'infected' room.

"(y/n)..." He mumbles and she feels a slight tug in her heart at the sound of his soft, seemingly withdrawn whisper. A strong urge to empty her already vacant stomach drowns her and she swallows. A sickening, bubbling feeling climbs up her throat as she stares down at his diffident form- round, doe eyes gazing up at her like a lost soul.

‘Guilty?’ Her own voice echoes but manages to pull a smile onto her face.

"I should've visited you earlier. I'm sorry," she apologizes sincerely and approaches- causing him to flinch before falling into a silent fluster. He scrambles left and right, not knowing whether he's allowed to be close to her. He's a threat, they all treat him like a virus and he can't help but admit that he might just be exactly that.

That is, until (y/n) captures his wrist before he can stand and he freezes entirely with widened eyes staring at her with horror.

"Don't—"

"Come. Let's have you eat something," (y/n) casually says and parks herself right beside him. "Here."

Hyun Su accepts the energy bar and drink on his open palms (graciously spread by (y/n)) while he stares at her curiously, almost scrutinizingly, and (y/n) would be lying if she says she isn't affected.

Those kind, gentle eyes and that unmistakably beautiful visage— she's melting. But she doesn't deserve to, he's much too good for selfish her.

"Thank you," he mumbles and that similar, painful strain occurs inside her again- but much more excruciating, disgusting, that her mien subconsciously twists and brows meet. He notices. "Are you okay?"

"What?" (y/n) croaks out and immediately purses her lips together. She can't. The guilt and loathe festering and rotting away her insides are catching up to her— devouring her whole being.

'What's the harm?? How could I ever think that? This... He's a human too,' she mourns in her head and is pulled out of it at the feeling of a warm sleeve pressing on her cheek. But the moment she looks at him, he retracts his hand and stumbles backward with his arm holding him upright on his seat- seemingly shocked at himself.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry... Sorry, I just, I— I won't... do it again," he hastily apologizes- no, pleads, for forgiveness almost, as he brings his eyes to the ground between them.

(y/n) furrows and touches her cheek- feeling the fresh tears before focusing back at his curled figure. "Why are you apologizing?"

He takes a moment to reply- taking his time staring at the cold floor before his fingers curl to a fist against it. "...You don't have to come here anymore."

"What?"

Is he... kicking her out? Forbidding her from coming here? It baffles her.

"You were forced to come here, weren't you? To... to accompany me or something, so that I'll keep doing the missions. But, you don't have to. I'll do whatever I'm told so you don't have to act nice for me. So please... don't be afraid," he requests politely- too politely for someone who thinks that he's being played with.

(y/n) shakes her head, puzzled, and sees him glancing at Eunhyuk from the corner of his eye- noticing him who's standing by the door. ‘Oh...’

"No, that's not it! I wanted to come here on my own accord. I'm not acting nice or—" 'Am I not?' Her thoughts intrude once more and her chest tightens- breaths shortening. "Listen, I actually here for my own selfish reasons. No one ordered me to and neither is it to get you on your good side or anything. Fact is, I felt guilty. "All this time, I did nothing but agree to let you go off on those dangerous missions on your own. I thought that it was better you than anybody else but that was selfish of me. None of us, even myself, we didn't even bother to stop and think how you must be feeling. How scared you may be. It's not like you chose this for yourself. We didn't even thank you for saving us. We never did because... we saw you as a tool, not as a person and I— Hyun Su, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry," (y/n)'s voice turns weaker and fainter towards the end— shattering and squeaking like a creaky door.

Maybe it's his overwhelming goodness that suffocated her when she entered the room, or the pure, earnest gaze he wears but at the moment, she felt like an entire villain. And it feel so, so revolting. It makes her wonder how Hyun Su must've felt when he discovered he was infected; to accept his fate that he is a monster.

A series of apology leaves her as her eyes brim with tears- although refusing to face him, she can feel his burning gaze on him.

Cha Hyun Su was, to be honest, conflicted. He's upset because of course, he's noticed how he's only being used by them and he also knows that he's being treated as less than human but at the same time, he's upset that he can't really do anything about it even if he wanted to because truth is, he doesn't have the heart to hurt them.

Yet despite that, he is also... glad. Glad that someone is being entirely honest with him. Relieved that there's someone he can potentially trust, someone he can confide in just like how she's confided in him. He's happy that... he too might just have someone to rely on.

Someone who's brave enough to approach him, hold him, sit right next to him, and pour their heart out to him who is a monster. And this... this means much more to him than anything.

"...Thank you," he mumbles and he's oh so grateful when she finally turns to look at him. At her confused hum, he says louder, "Thank you."

Her face of pure befuddlement that seems to scream, 'Are you crazy? I poured my heart out and admitted I saw you less as human and you say thank you???' almost makes him chuckle. Almost- so instead, he smiles.

It's enough to knock the air out of her- but in a nicer way now. Not like before how she felt squeezed and suffocated from the burdening benevolence that emanated from him and amplified her guilt- but a nice breathtaking moment that belatedly alerts her that she's been staring far too long.

"You have a nice smile," is all she says before clearing her throat and whipping her face away- a gesture Hyun Su is thankful for because a second later, she would've noticed the redness blooming on his cheeks and ears.

Before he can respond however, the door swings open and in comes a strict Eunhyuk who casts his firm stare on both of them before halting at (y/n).

"10 minutes is up," is all he says and (y/n) scrambles up, embarrassed, and hurries to Hyuk's side.

The two make their way to the door, with (y/n) walking in front and Hyun Su watches intently- feeling a tug in his heart.

"(y/n)," he suddenly calls and she stops to turn- once again feeling her insides churn and yet again, a much better, positive feeling than before when she sees his blinding eyesmile.

It's the first time she's seen it- his eyes shaped into crescents, sparkling like the stars in the night sky as his face glows despite the dust and dirt painting his skin in streaks of grey.

His pale, plump lips part to speak. "Come again... soon."

(y/n)'s heart skips a beat. He's inviting her to visit him. A personal request, a choice and that makes her feel somewhat special.

Her own smile graces her face. "I will, Hyun Su."

And the door shuts between them.

note: and that's a wrap on my first ff here on tumblr!! it's a lengthy slowburn because i wanted to show that wall between them first- i mean, they are strangers at first. but anyways, i'm thinking of making more parts to this sometime soon but until then, happy reading!! ઇ♡ଓ

copyright © 2024 thinemoonshine all rights reserved

[piracytheorist]

Twilight Eyes Project: "Will They Pass or Fail?" (part 2)

Part 1 here

Previous episodes analyses

More anime additions, as we see Twilight make his preparations for the castle visit. Twilight eyes as he listens to his agency's response to his request, though they relax a bit as he notes how fast they were to respond.

I think, in a way, this might communicate how he has little idea of how his fellow spies see him. In both manga and anime, WISE spies run themselves thin in order to assist him, and they're all thankful they even get to see him in the flesh, some even wanting his autograph! Yet he felt embarrassed playing a game with them watching.

He manages to get a plane, and drunk Yor excitedly asks him where he got it, and he seems to struggle putting on his Loid eyes, as he still looks like he can't believe he was dragged into this.

Evidenced by the reluctance on his face, now with Twilight eyes.

Reaching the castle, Anya complains that there are no people around to play as servants and bad guys, and Twilight resorts to asking for help again, and once again his agency pulls through. Despite the help that was so eagerly given, he looks annoyed he has to go through this.

Play is on! In a totally useless charade - since Anya knows everything anyway and Yor is so drunk she's ready to pass out anytime - he pretends to be so very happy for his audience, using Loid eyes.

And while he tries to appear humble, his embarrassment and reluctance shows through.

If only he knew how many people down there were begging for a chance to participate.

Unsurprisingly, Twilight eyes are back on while Franky explains the game,

though they widen in disbelief once Franky instructs the others to give Loid as harder a time as possible - and seems to be really into it.

The game starts, and Twilight at first drags himself on, until he realizes he has to take it seriously if it's to pass quickly and effectively.

And he takes it very seriously.

But, he shouldn't underestimate the resourcefulness of a child when that child wants him to follow her whim. Thus, he fails two out of three questions, and he has no choice but to fall deeper into embarrassment.

He's back to business, however, when it's time to fight through entire groups of fellow agents.

His expressions seem "done" only when it's Anya involved.

Cause when he can pick up even a toy gun and focus on doing the thing, boy he focuses.

Especially if he gets to land a hit on Franky for dragging him into this XD

And as it is known, cool guys don't look at explosions.

However, once he's fought through other spies and avoided rubber balls and… well, explosions, he's ready for this charade to end… but it doesn't, and his tiredness is palpable.

But then, more spies appear around them, and he now has to play the role of Princess Anya's saviour, not just fight his way through traps and "enemies".

And he's not dealing really well with it.

But, it's For The Mission™!

With his entire face blushing, he does a spectacularly bad job at acting like the story's hero, although his coworkers are utterly excited to see him at work.

And then, a wild Yorticia attacks and nearly kicks his head off. He looks at her in utter shock and horror, unable to believe what just happened.

Yor continues her attacks, and all he can manage to do is defend himself as much as he can, though it barely seems enough compared to her strength and fighting skill. He's very much concentrated on it, and he doesn't even have the time to wonder where all that strength and tenacity came from. He's literally fighting for his life here.

Then, Yor breaks though his defense and the shock and fear are back. What is she gonna do next?

She's gonna break her shoe's heel and collapse. Despite the utter shock of the situation, his first action is to ask her if she's okay, realize she just fell asleep, and he then looks relieved. Probably both that she's okay and that she passed out before she could kill him.

Then it's back to dealing with Franky, and he is So Done.

Franky is quickly dealt with, and now he's facing the source of his embarrassment: a child.

Going though this episode, he seems to be perfectly able to concentrate on all the tasks without an issue. It's when he's facing Anya directly that he seems to lose his cool. He was slightly embarrassed asking his agency to come and play the servants and the bad guys, but while facing Anya we get a full-face blush that reaches back to his ears.

It's known to us from the first chapter that children are a sensitive spot for him. Being a spy requires enough detachment from one's feelings that one shouldn't be embarrassed to do anything while a fellow spy watches.

So here, based on the variety of his expressions, I don't think it was the specific context of the "play" that made him mortified - I think it was that it had to do with a child being involved. He's already compromising a ton for the sake of Anya's happiness, and I think what makes him nervous here is that he's showing to everyone how far he's going to make a child happy.

In his mind, he's not supposed to be a real father, only act as one. He's not supposed to really care about Anya's feelings, and he's not supposed to allow others to see he does.

But we know he cares for the happiness of children; it's just that, to ensure that, he's not used to playing with them, but to risking his life and doing shady work. And so, even though he's not invested in the game, it unintentionally brings to the forefront the fact that he cares for a child's happiness.

And maybe that's what Anya sees that makes her run to hug him.

However, spies are still watching, and cheering, to boot, and he's just left there speechless wondering what all that is about.

He'll understand, eventually, we hope.

The anime adds a moment of the other spies leaving between that and the next panel/shot, so here it looks like it's just him and Anya, so when Anya says she's had a lot of fun since leaving the orphanage, he finally relaxes a bit into a more neutral face.

And when she says she'll do her best at school, he smiles at her with what I can easily assume are real eyes.

There isn't really much he needs to do there; Anya is happy, satisfied, motivated to do her best at Eden. For tonight he can consider it a job well done, though I do find it important that Anya's excitement was so big that it even impacted him a little. It isn't just that Anya is motivated to do her part of the mission, it's also that a child had fun overall and felt taken care of. Even though he may not acknowledge it, this has a big value for him.

(no manga spoilers please)

[bean-bean2000]

The Maid - Part 1

Pairing: Loki x reader (on going series)

Warnings: Angst, abuse, mental health (depression, mentions of suicidal thoughts). Eventual loki x reader pairing.

Please read at your own risk. Your own media consumption is not my responsibility. Please read and review the warnings before proceeding.

Thank you and enjoy!

Part 2 Series masterlist Main Masterlist

🧹🧹🧹

You stare up at the ceiling as you lay in bed next to the man who calls himself 'your saviour'. Every time he stirs in his sleep, you gasp and wince in fear of waking him. He is far better asleep than he will ever be awake.

Three years ago, you fell into the arms of a man you thought would help you. You were alone, homeless and desperate. Your parents had died in a house fire, which left you with nothing and no one. Naive, you trusted the first person that showed you an ounce of kindness. You had fallen intro a trap, one you thought was love, but was in fact a cage. Your parents had left you with a significant debt to repay to the crown. He forced you to work for him, do whatever he wants, in exchange for money to help pay off the debt. You have been stuck in this horrific home since, unable to do anything without consequence.

You haven't had a proper night's sleep in years. Your eyes are sunken with deep dark circles beneath. You hardly eat anymore.

You stopped feeling anything at all, years ago. All you feel is numb, like a zombie, a shell of your former self. A life that is so far away, the memories have long faded.

You're so lost in thought, gazing into nothingness when you're suddenly yanked out of the bed.

"Get up. You're leaving. I finally found a use for you." he spits at you.

You don't have enough energy to question him as you get up sluggishly and head to the bathroom to change.

As soon as you exit the bathroom, he is dragging you outside where a a dozen soldiers await; people are lined up in front of them.

"Here. Take her." he says to the guard as he shoves you towards him.

The soldier looks you up and down and nods. You're swept away by other men and hoisted onto the back of a carriage. Other men and women peer up at you in fear.

It doesn't take long for you to realize what has happened. You've been sold to the crown to be a worker. You stare at the floor and zone out, wondering if you will forever be forced to be at the mercy of others that are powerful and wealthy. As the carriage takes off, you feel nothing, you hear nothing, all you see is your so-called 'home' slowly fade behind the trees.

The others have fallen asleep as you stare out the carriage. You have no idea how long it has been but the sun has long set and it is deep into the evening when you arrive at the castle. The guards shuffle you out, line you up and assign you your duties.

"You." The woman points at you. "She will do." she says as she hands you a pile of clothes. You stare up at her as she clarifies your new job: maid.

The guards lead each group of workers to their designated quarters.

"You are maids. You will follow the schedule, with no excuses. You have been sold to serve for the crown. You will receive no pay. Your pay is the right to live in the castle. You will be provided food and shelter. Any act of disobedience will be punishable by any means appropriate that is decided upon the guards or anyone of higher status. You are to speak to no one. Do your job and stay quiet." The guard finishes explaining your new life then turns around and shuts the doors closed behind him with a loud bang.

The silence is deafening. Everyone too scared to say a word. They all choose a makeshift bed on the floor and prepare to get some sleep before the new day.

You sit in your cot and stare at the floor. You don't realize how much time had passed until the sun shining on your face and the guards are yelling at you all to wake up and start the day.

Will I ever know freedom? Will I ever find happiness? Or am I forced to succumb to this measely life until I die?

The first two weeks seem to pass without problems, until the guards decide to take it upon themselves to 'discipline' as they deem fit.

Most guards resort to name-calling, degradation or sometimes physical punishment. Nothing, nobody was as terrible as one who we called "Snake". He would slither his way into the chambers and choose his prey for the week, sometimes longer. He did as he pleased, if met with opposition, he would often beat them into submission.

You managed to avoid him as long as possible until one night, his large finger points towards you.

You stare at him, expressionless. You refuse to give him the pleasure of seeing your pain, your fear or your desperation. His eyes turn cloudy with anger as he watches you approach him, emotionless.

The others look at you with fear and pity as he drags you out of the maid's quarters towards his room.

He throws you on the floor and closes the door behind him.

"You think I don't know your little game, you harlot?" he sneers at you as he picks you up and slaps you so hard you fall to the floor, your cheek pulsating in pain.

He grabs your cheeks tightly with one hand and squeezes "You will fear me. You will obey me." he threatens you.

Once again, you stare at him blankly. You feel nothing, you haven't for a long time now.

He growls in frustration and punches you again, searching for any reaction; tears, a grunt, a whimper, anything, and yet you show nothing.

"You witch. Impossible. Everybody fears me." he yells at you as he strikes you again. You lay on the floor motionless, your nose and mouth bleeding.

"You will answer me when I speak to you!" he growls in anger as he strikes you again.

You stare up at him and remain silent.

"Are you deaf? mute? Useless! Maybe, you will be useful for other things instead...." he sneers at you as he smirks disgustingly with a knowing look.

Again, you stare at him blankly again. As he begins unbuckling his belt he says "Submit to me. You will do as I say, maid."

You start laughing which makes him look up at you in rage.

"You dare laugh at me?! You filthy servant!" he grabs you by the neck and holds you down tightly, slightly cutting off your airways but enough for you to remain awake.

"Submit to me!" he yells at you.

"Never." you croak.

He screams in a fit of rage and strikes you again. You continue to laugh.

"Witchcraft! You're a disgusting witch! Submit to me or I will have you burned at the stake!" he spits at you.

"I promise you, I will bite your dick off if it comes near me. The human jaw can be so powerful, sometimes a crowbar isn't strong enough to pry it open and I promise you I will not let go until my jaw is pried open." you threaten him as you begin laughing hysterically.

He stares at you in confusion, disgust and fear.

"I knew it! You're a witch!" He screams.

"Are you sure you want to test that theory?" you laugh at him.

He yells in frustration as he strikes you again "I said submit to me!"

You stare him directly in the eyes "No matter how loud the wind howls, the mountain will not bow down to it."

His eyes turn red with rage, he picks you up and throws you across the room. He kicks you on your side.

He continues hitting you as he demands you submit to him. You repeat the same word, almost as a prayer "Never".

You didn't care if you died or how, but you promised yourself that no matter how desperate you would become, you would never submit yourself to another man again, no matter the cost.

Once he is finally done he spits on you, drags you back to the maid's chambers and throws on you the floor as he slams the door behind him.

A few women crowd you and help you to your cot. You're bleeding from your nose and mouth. Your eye is black and swollen shut, your lip is split, your ribs hurt when you breathe.

Even after all that, you realize you still feel nothing. You stare up at the ceiling as the other women surround you to help clean your wounds.

From that moment on, you have been the subject to the Snake's abuse. You have spoken no words, except for "Never" every time the Snake commands you to submit to him. You would rather take on every physical punishment, than let him touch an inch of you.

A few weeks pass with the same abuse, except now other guards have partaken in it as well. You are now referred to as "witch" by the guards. They sneer at you when you walk past them. You keep your head held high and walk straight forward, without giving them a glance.

I am my own person. I have my own thoughts. I am not a puppet.

You repeat these phrases everyday in your head, like a chant to keep you grounded. You've taught yourself to recite small facts about your life to yourself in your head, such as your birthday, your favourite colour, your favourite author and book. It reminds you of who you are, of who they can never take away from you.

🧹🧹🧹

As the months go by, the abuse never ceases. It periodically skips you, allowing your body time to heal before being targeted again.

You have managed to be friendly with the other maids, but still keep to yourself and limit your words. You rarely speak and only do so when absolutely necessary. You decided it was safest for you this way.

You have been generally assigned menial maid tasks, such as cleaning the chambers of the guards or other members of higher status than you, until today. You’re assigned to clean King Loki's quarters. He owns an entire wing to himself, therefore you are to do it alone as he is very particular about his items. It was decided upon the head maid that you were the least likely to steal and most likely to complete the job to Loki's very high standards.

Without much of a choice, you accept the new assignment and make your way to his wing. As grateful as you are for this opportunity, to work alone and use the specialized cleaning supplies for the king, you were also in so much pain. The previous night was the harshest in a long time. The guards told you the king wanted to send you a personal message. By the end of it, you could hardly move and had to be dragged to your cot. Laying in bed, you wondered why the king would choose you for this punishment. You had done nothing wrong, what made you deserving of such poor treatment?

As you're walking to the kings wing, every step you take is followed by a limp and a wince. Nevertheless, the work had to be completed. The consequences were too severe if the work were not to be completed to his prestigious standards. If the king was willing to send you such a message the previous night as a warning for what was to come, the current pain was worth suffering through. From what you've heard the kings punishments never ended well. Nobody ever returned.

With that in mind, you headed to his wing with a slight limp and a wince under your breathe with every step.

Two week pass by and you've been permanently assigned to clean the kings wing, as per his request. You hope it is because he is satisfied with your work, rather than this be some cruel plan.

Once the guards heard of your new permanent position as the kings personal maid, their visits became daily. You were now the only maid being succumbed to their harsh treatment. You knew they were trying to sabotage you so the king would be displeased with your work and be rid of you.

Even so, everyday you wake up and perform your duties. You persevered and refused to let them think they won, no matter how painful, you always kept your head held high.

You're walking to the kings wing, products and cleaning items in hand when a guard approaches and swings his arm at you. You fall to the floor, Cleaning products go flying across the hall, splattering on the floor, against the wall and all over you.

"Tsk tsk tsk... what a shame... you better pray the king doesn't see this mess you caused...." he laughs as he walks over you.

You say nothing as you try getting up but slip on the soapy wet floor. You curse at the mess.

He can't see this. I have to clean this up. I can't be delayed, the king accepts no excuses for punctuality. He will kick me out on the streets... or worse... have me killed.

You get up shakily, holding on the wall for as much support as possible. Your body aches as you start mopping up the mess with speed that can only be explained by pure fear.

Once it's decently done you run to the next room and start cleaning as fast as possible. The pain from the abuse inflicted upon you daily is taking its toll. You decide you have to suck it up until you're done.

You're doing your final task: The king's bedroom. With one wrist against your chest, you clean the bedroom. You're trying to make the bed but can't do it with one hand. Shakily, you move your other wrist and try grabbing the sheets. You hiss in pain and pull back. You're slowing down, taking longer to do simple tasks. Your wrist is swollen wrist and throbbing in pain from the fall earlier. You can hardly move it.

You manage to finish making the bed and is finishing off by dusting the room, keeping your wrist to your chest to stabilize it as much as possible. As you were working through your pain, you didn't notice the time until you hear somebody clear their throat behind you.

You gasp in surprise and spin around.

"King Loki... your highness... I apologize for my tardiness... I-" you start rambling, your head looking down and your legs in a curtsy.

"The hall is a mess. You're late. Your work is very subpar today. I'm disappointed." he tells you coldly while staring you down.

You say nothing as to avoid accidentally insulting him or frustrating him further.

"Consider this your first and last warning. If this happens again, you will heed the consequences." He says to you, chin up, staring at you while you keep your eyes on your shoes.

You mumble another apology when he dismisses you.

You quickly run out of his bedroom. Your heart is racing, you're shaking.

You run to the maid's quarters and go to your cot, avoiding the others. You're staring up at the ceiling, wondering how you possibly escaped his wrath. Replaying the scene in your head, you realize you never looked at him. You've never seen the king in person, only in pictures.

Luckily, tomorrow is the weekend the guards go out to the neighbouring city as a security check-up. You stare at your wrist, which is now purple, blue and swollen. You go to the bathroom and lock the door so you're alone. You remove your clothes as take in a sharp breath as pain courses through your body. You use two wooden sticks you found outside earlier, to stabilize your wrist, hoping it will speed the healing process. When you look up at your reflection you notice the deep colouring littering your body. Purple, blue, yellow, green.... bruises in various levels of healing spread across your body.

You come to the conclusion that you need help... medical help. You slip on a night gown and make your way to the clinic where Dr. Banner resides. He is the only doctor the workers of lower status trust, as he is kind, caring and genuine.

He welcomes you in his room and questions why you came to him so late at night.

You say nothing. You lift your night gown and watch as his eyes widen in understanding. He turns around and files through his medical cabinet.

"Here. Take one pill a day for 3 days. It will completely numb your pain and significantly increase the healing process. Put this healing balm over your bruises and on your wrist, every night for a week." he says to you as he hands you the medicine.

You open your mouth to thank him when he lifts his hand up "No need... please stay safe... if ever you need anything, you know where to find me." his eyes filled with pain and compassion.

You nod and turn around to walk back to your cot.

You immediately spread the balm over your body once your in the bathroom and wrap what you can in bandages to keep it from absorbing into the clothes rather than your skin.

Laying down in bed, the adrenaline from the day wears off and fatigue takes over until you fall into a deep sleep.

Part 2

🧹🧹🧹

I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. Feedback is always welcome. Feel free to send me suggestions for scenes/drabbles that I could add into the stroy :)

Let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list!

[litnerdwrites]

Cassian thinks Prythian would blessed to have Feysand as High King and Queen yet the dude can’t even govern his own territory properly. If he can neglect and disregard two thirds territory and justify it without complaint, from the ic, then he has no business taking over more territories for any reason! Do you know what would happen if he did?

It’s safe to assume that Winter, Summer and Day would receive preferential treatment. Mostly due to Mor and Amren’s ties to Vivienne and Varian, but also because of how valuable Helion is with his libraries and skills. However, it's likely they'd be extremely weary of him at the same time, for those exact reasons. Maybe they'd even convince Nesta to dance with him as a form of manipulation?

Meanwhile, he’d probably be indifferent to dawn, though their aerial legions may be forced to join with the Illyrians so they’re be able to fight cohesively together. It would also mean they'd be able to keep an eye on the Peregryns that way, with the Illyrians keeping an eye on them to prevent revolt, if Rhysand has any fear of that.

It's been mentioned that Thesan only has a 'small legion' of them, and while small doesn't necessarily mean fewer than, given that Rhysand's armies seem to be made up of darkbringers and Illyrians, with no indications of anyone else. And after what Amarantha did to them, along with how pregnancy is really rare for fae, it's reasonable to assume that their numbers have thinned even more, meaning that the Illyrians likely outnumber them by a decent amount.

Meanwhile The Spring and Autumn courts will be the new Illyria and HC. Or they’d serve the same fundamental purpose at least. They'd be the ones who suffer and are stuck with the role of monsters just to promote Rhysand as a hero/saviour/victim/whatever else he needs to appear as that week. It's likely that Tamlin, Beron and Eris would be forced to give up their titles and authority, along with whatever wealth they have, if not imprisoned all together for whatever crimes the IC accuse them of. They likely wouldn't even acknowledge the abuse of Eris and his brothers, simply chalking it up to him being just as bad as Beron and straight up killing them.

Plus, there’s no telling how the land would react and what would happen to the symbol or station of High Lord. If they are no longer leaders, are the ambassadors to the high king? Will that become an inherited position? I mean, given the kind of power the HLs have, letting them remain private citizens is unwise, while giving them power as aristocracy makes Rhysand seem like somewhat of a figurehead, bringing whatever authority he claims into question. Meanwhile, having the jobs of ambassadors or advisors be inherited positions based on who the land choses to give power to as opposed to skill, and ability seems just as dangerous and foolish.

All it would do is prove that Rhysand is every bit, if not more, the monster that they made him out to be. There's no way they'd agree to it, so Rhysand would have to use force. It would mean a period of civil war, before any semblance of order or peace was regained.

They'd have to Force Nesta and Elain into another war, even if they don't end up wanting anything to do with one, given that it's through their, or even mostly Nesta's, powers that Rhysand is to take his supposed to take this throne.

Would Varian still be able to have feelings for Amren, knowing that she put this idea into Rhysand's head, encouraging him to do it? How would Vivian look at Mor and still consider her a friend after such a betrayal? Would Rhysand and Feyre even care about the innocents that died during that war? No. To all of the above, no.

Typing all of this out, makes it seem like Feysand becoming HK/Q would result in the Nc basically becoming Panem. They even have a mock Hunger Games through the blood right, while Velaris is basically The Capital. Anyone who's watched/read THG can tell you how that ended.

[mi-co-uk]

coming clean

blue!reader x saviour!matt

─── blue readers past has caught up with her just in time to rescue her when she needs it the most - childhood best friend and saviour matt wants to help every step of the way.

WARNINGS: descriptions of bruising, implications of DA/DV, interactions with someone @bus!ve, fear - panic attacks, language, vague mentions of SH, self hate. the series itself will contain heavy angst , fluff and smut 𖦹

I've never written a fic before so any feedback and support is appreciated !

p.s im dyslexic lmao

2.1k words

pls enjoy <3

MASTERLIST

prev parts: intro / 1 / 2 / 3

CHAPTER 4 - "kiss it better"

MATT'S POV

my ears were ringing with a mix of frustration, fear, confusion and anger- the guilt sets in as soon as I realise she sees my anger. I breathe deeply before responding.

"you went back to his house?" I said lowly, a slight hint of irritation creeping in unintentionally.

she slowly nods taking a small step back away from the kitchen table and towards the sink. I know it's not specifically me that she's scared of but now all my emotions are wiped other than my regret.

I relax my hands holding them by my sides in a more open gesture to before- taking a step back to give her more room (despite already having almost 3 meters between us).

she's still gripping the whiteboard and cries softly as she wipes off her initial message and begins writing a new one.

'I just went to get my stuff , I'm really sorry'

she holds it up towards me, refusing to make eye contact.

"look, its- it's okay. it's just not safe. did anything happen? are- are you like, okay?"

she sniffs, her sobs subsiding as she nods but still stares towards the kitchen table.

how could nothing have happened?

"I'm not trying to yknow be right or anything I just wanna make sure you're okay. you um- you don't have to say what happened but, did he see you? did he hurt you?" I try my best to be careful with my phrasing, not wanting to make matters worse.

she doesn't answer me. her hyperventilated breathing switches to a complete lack of it. fuck.

"it's okay- it's okay." I try to kill the silence while still trying to get a grip on my train of thought. "I can get you bandaids or um bandages a-and some ice if you need it?"

my eyes scan around her frame frantically trying to see any indication of blood, bruises, scratches- just anything. which is made difficult by her baggy clothes- my clothes.

she finally looks up at me momentarily, before moving her attention back to the whiteboard.

'ice please'

she's sat in the fetal position in the corner of the couch. I walk over holding an ice pack, wrapped in a cloth. I sit beside her before handing it over- taking note of her hesitant expression.

"what's up? you okay?"

her eyes gesture towards her thighs. I feel awful.

"oh um- I-I can give you some space I'm sorry - it's okay" I get up and head towards the kitchen table, sitting down and facing away from the sofa- partially.

she tugs down the sweatpants I let her borrow - way too big for her but she's comfortable. on the first morning she was here, I let her scroll on various clothing websites so she could pick out some stuff she liked. she only picked the essentials- I'd already offered for her to wear my clothes which i think meant she didn't see shirts or pants as essential, feeling too guilty to ask for much. while my heart feels warm seeing her in my clothes, it quickly gets shot down when I think about why. she wears them with the strings pulled and knotted tight around her hips aswell as cuffed at the bottom of the legs.

I peer out the corner of my eyes- it's hard not to. in the moment I try to rationalise it by saying that I'm looking to see any serious damage to her, but the real reason for this (and probably everything I'm doing) is my pent up feelings for her. the curiosity gets interrupted when she's finished tugging them down and I can see the full extent of her bruising.

oh my god.

her skin has large red and purple blemishes- the newest ones. not only these but there's scattered bruises indicating various ages- blueish ones, yellowish ones, brown ones. some I can tell are from someone's fingertips. there's also some scarring- clearly intentional ones. knowing her history, it's hard to tell if they are hers or his.

she places the covered ice pack on the largest of the new bruises. I watch as she gently moves her finger across the other bruises, wincing when she goes over another red one.

I shouldn't have looked but now that I know she needs another ice pack I have no choice but to get her one. I dig around in the freezer for a bag of frozen vegetables, wrapping that in another cloth. I grab some pain killers from the cupboard and water out the refrigerator, heading in her direction while averting my eyes from her legs.

she looks up at me with her wide eyes- seemingly not embarrassed.

I begin to pass her the medicine and water but she taps the space next to her. I place myself down, holding various items to help her. she doesn't seem uncomfortable - the closest thing to a positive emotion I think she could get right now. she removes the cool from my lap and places it on her other leg, trying to get a comfortable position that also holds up both packs. I watch her with undoubtedly sympathetic eyes while I try to think of ways to cheer her up.

READER'S POV

I hope matt doesn't see less of me.

he's leant back on the couch next to me. I think one of the hardest parts about being around him is the fact that I really want to be. its so easy to be around him - I feel comfortable, safe and there's a third feeling I try desperately to bury down.

the scattered bruises have begun to cool down, finally dulling the burning ache. I lay back on the couch, relaxing my body, exhaling loudly. I turn my head towards matt, seeing him already staring down at me. he looks calm. I flicker my eyes back and forth between his. he does the same, quickly flicking towards my mouth for a quick second but immediately darting back to my eyes as if with regret. I shuffle closer, burying my head in the crook of his neck and gripping his shirt to relax into him further. his arm reaches across the side of the couch and around my waist. the embrace is the most comforting I've had for years.

I think back to last night. seeing him again. having to kiss him again - feel him again. it was horrible before but knowing now how gentle and simple love could be now, all of the time, it felt even worse somehow.

he was stood in front of the stairs when I opened the door. I didn't expect him to be awake. I had hoped desperately that he was asleep.

"where y'been." he spoke roughly.

my entire body feels like I'm being stabbed by millions of tiny needles. my fight or flight going off the radar. I push my back against the front door.

"y'ignoring me or still not talkin'?" he steps closer and I'm frozen in fear. he reaches towards me - his fingertips brushing over my neck where the bruise still sits.

"a week is pretty fucking long. I was worried about you."

his fingertips start to increase their pressure on my neck.

"yknow you left me right? abandoned me? had me hurting myself, all worried and shit."

he reaches behind me and locks the front door, maintaining eye contact.

"ya with someone? someone take you?"

his thumb caresses my cheek.

"I never meant to hurt you." liar. "yknow that?"

he leans his head down pressing his lips to my cheek, slowly trailing down to the bruise on my neck as his grip on me tightens a little. "it's been so long. I needed you." he continues in-between the kisses. "say something,"

he physically detaches himself from me completely, staring me dead in the eyes with a look void of emotion. "you're serious?" I nod at him, mt finger indicating towards my neck. he sighs and heads towards the couch. "cmon" he mutters as he walks. I walk over slowly, trailing behind him and watching as he scrambles around for some scrap paper and a pen.

this isn't the first time I'd ran away. the first time I ran to a hospital - begging them with my out of control bloody nose to not let him find me. I couldn't bare it anymore. I hadn't been able to bare it a long time before that. they assured me he wouldn't get in. they promised me. then there he was, walking in as if he owned the place and stood by my hospital bed; whispering sweet lies about how he'd be better, how he loved me and how he didn't mean to. it was bullshit and I knew it. but I can pinpoint the exact moment I gave in.

he caressed my hand with his thumb - the way he used to when we were better. I watched as tears brimmed his waterline and I watched as he covered his face with his palm, quietly sobbing. thats when my guard - my resistance dropped. "i-i can go if you want. I can go and I'll never see you again. b-but know that I didn't mean to. I really never meant to hurt you. please believe me." he weeped, holding my palm with both his hands as if pleading for me to love him still. I still can't tell who was more pathetic in that moment.

I'm sat next to him now as he slides the paper and pen across the glass table towards me.

"go on. write something." I tap the pen against it, not knowing where to start. "tell me what you're here for" he encourages, eyes full or faux sympathy.

there's always these moments that made me feel like I could be okay. the weekend I left, we'd almost had the most perfect day ever. he was off work, decided I'd been good enough to head to some stores. there was an adorable vintage store where he bought me my favourite band CDs and he even let me stock up on snacks in the house. he was smiling. he was happy. and that meant I could be happy. but then we ran into nick and chris. he wasn't happy at all after that. he felt threatened.

my heartbeat begins to thud louder than my thoughts, unsure of any excuses i could make that wouldnt get me into trouble. my eyes flicker toward his - a new idea sparking in my head on how to keep relatively safe and get what I need to. a stupid idea. his eyes peer into mine and I take the opportunity to gently press my lips to his. he relaxes into me, gripping my hair to deepen the kiss. i think it's the first time I had ever kissed him first. I went from being a nervous teenager, too shy to initiate anything, then to who I am now and not having a choice in the matter. my hands hesitantly are placed on his shoulder while his hands move to my hips - digging into my skin. he didn't question it. probably too taken aback with what happened to try and interrupt it with questions.

I woke up alone, naked but he'd at least taken the time to cover me with a blanket. a note was on the paper in front of me.

'@ work. help yourself to anything. I'm really glad you're home and I'll try to get off early. love u.'

fuck you.

I stand up immediately, rushing to put my clothes back on and running up the stairs to the bedroom. I grab a bag and pack it with the items I deem most vital. panties, bras, my notebooks, my sketchbooks and pencils, some old polaroid photos I'd somehow managed to keep all these years. there's one more thing I need. I root around all the drawers in a hurry. pulling them out, scurrying through them and closing them again.

where.

I pant heavily, hands gripping my face to try and ward off a panic attack. I check one of the drawers off the closet. lifting out various items.

got it.

I put everything back in, desperately trying to keep everything as neat as it had been previously. I run down the stairs, still hyperventilating from pure terror. I push open the door, taking large strides away from the house and ignoring the fact that I'd left it unlocked. the fear sets in deeper. I start speed walking - faster and faster until I'm sprinting up the street. it's a relatively simple journey to matt's house now that I know where it is. I memorised the streets names on my way down to ensure I could get back to him. I kept running, stifling sobs as I went.

the house was quiet when I got back, im grateful that they all tend to sleep until late morning. I slowly creep into matt's room, finally breathing at a regular pace. i cautiously bury the bag under the bed - my passport secure inside it - before slipping into my sleep clothes. I don't bother leaving the room, convinced that he's deep asleep and not wanting to make further noise and draw attention to myself. i slide under the covers on the opposite side of the bed to matt, I struggle to bury down the emotions I'd been putting off.

I'm done. I'm done. he's gone.

gone. he's gone.

it's over.

but as usual I can still feel his hands on me.

the hand I let him put on me.

and I fucking hate myself for it.

𐙚🧸ྀི

a/n , I tried to be really careful with this, this is a topic personal to me so I think I'm okay at knowing certain triggers and the right way to talk about this topic but if anyone has a criticism in my way of talking about it , please tell me so I can do better <3

alsooo matt stuff very very soon !! this is probably the last part of just setting up the scene

꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱ - mi

tags: @pair-of-pantaloons @oopsiedaisydeer @corspebridedelrey @faiyaz555 @izzylovesmatt

(let me know if you only want to be tagged to certain fics of anything I don't mindd)

[3wwo-guys]

𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐉𝐀𝐆𝐎 𝐆𝐎𝐃 𝐀𝐔 

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 Word Count: 593

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲:

Some stories tell of Gods great feats, do you want to adventure them with me? (Cole x Kai)(Zane x Pixal)(Jay x Nya)

A/N: Anyone else think that Akira from BTD kinda looks like Kai...

Characters included:

Kai (God of Fire, Jealousy, Parties, The Sun and Appearance)

Cole (God of Earth, Venerability, Strength and Vulnerability)

Zane (God of Ice, Monarchy, Knowledge, Intelligence and Emotions)

Jay (God of lightning, Entertainment, Love and Memories)

Nya (God of Water, The Moon, Dominance and Sacrifice)

Lloyd (God of Life, Innocent, Loyalty, Naivety and Isolation)

Master Wu (God of Wisdom, Mistake and Regret)

Master Garmadon (God of Regret, Corruption and Family)

Morro (God of Wind, Greed, Gifts and Death)

���✦ Bonus Characters ✦・

Atlas(My OC) (God of Deception, The paranormal and Control)

Y/n (God of Deception, The paranormal and Control)

Pixal (God of Creation, Longing and Identity)

Harumi (She is a Siren)

If it's not explicitly mentioned that certain Gods are related then please do not assume. (I'm not into incest).

The two brothers(Wu and Garmadon)

The two saviours which saved the world from darkness (the Oni). They are the Ying and Yang, once they were the most worshipped Gods of Ninjago.

Life and it's Shadow.(Morro and Lloyd)

Lloyd is the bringer of life who nurtures both plants and animals. Many stories depict him as appearing after wars, plagues, or natural disasters, and it is said that seeing him will bring immense luck. He is somewhat naive and has fallen in love with many mortals, female, male and other. However, if someone attempts to deceive him to gain something, they must answer to his family. Morro, on the other hand, is the bringer of death and has the power to destroy plants and animals. He is often seen before wars, plagues, or natural disasters. While he can curse people with bad luck, there are rare instances where he can grant good luck or even a wish. Morro has only fallen in love with one mortal, but the stories rarely reveal details about her, offering only vague hints. Lloyd is the son of Garmadon, whereas Morro is the son of Wu. It has been suggested that they are not related by blood; however, they are often referred to as brothers.

To tempt the one who holds The Earth on his shoulders.(Kai and Cole)

The Horsemen of Fire, Kai, is a brash and egotistical god, primarily recognised for his playboy attitude. However, in some stories, it is suggested that this behaviour stems from his fear of abandonment. It is implied that once the two gods, Cole and Kai, fall out of love, the Earth and the Sun will no longer dance together in harmony. If you encounter Kai, it’s best not to be alone; while he doesn't cause harm, he is known to take people for periods ranging from a few hours to a few weeks. There are also instances where he gifts presents. He is one of the most widely worshipped gods; many women seek him for fertility wishes, though they can also turn to his sister, Nya. Meanwhile, most men approach him for help with romantic relationships. Cole, Kai's partner, is not as extensively covered in texts. He is often depicted in art as lifting the Earth on one shoulder while Kai sits on the other, holding the Sun in his palm. Nya stands on Kai's shoulder, balancing a scale on the tip of her finger while holding the Moon high in her other palm. Cole is believed to reward those who show appreciation for the Earth; as the Earth suffers, so too does Cole. The Earth God is known to have many pets, the most famous being a horse that can stomp rapidly, causing what we recognise as earthquakes.